#i’m also done with pining for ppl who clearly don’t want me

[gregmarriage]

i have never been to a new year’s party, and i have never had a new year’s kiss. this year is no different x

[runwiththieves-blog]

I’M GONNA DO A QUICK LIL INTRODUCTION HERE SISTERS! bc i’m lame and new!!! well i’m not new to the fandom etc but this is a fresh blog and this is the first time i’ve ever posted my writings anywhere for the general public (who happens to be searching for harry styles smut) can read it and I’M GEEKIN TBQH!! anyway, hi hello – i have a name, but im gonna let u guys call me T, even tho my name starts w H. H would get too confusing should this work out the way i’m hoping it will! so i’m T. and i like writing and harry styles and so i thought i, along with everyone i scream about H to in the wee hours of the night, would probably find it beneficial if i had blog where i could do that and ppl who actually want to read about how i want him to spit in my mouth! i’ve been a silent lurker of the tags for awhile now (shoutout to @stylesunchained, @permanentcross, @jawllines, @canistay-haz for the inspo behind me finally making this godforsaken blog) (please be my friend) (i’m very intimidated by all of u). so yeah i hope this works out, and if not then it was fun to share this little bit of a something with all of u! and if it does then i’ll likely post a pt 2 to this!  if u like it like/reblog if ur into the kinda thing ig :) also my praise kink is jsut as alive as harrys and my ask box is always open to discuss either one <3

“Pet,” he starts, and you smile, because after a long moment of just standing there and listening to each other breathe, you hear the familiar nickname and know you’ve got him back. “You are the meanest, most stubborn, woman ’ve ever met. Got a bloke full on puttin’ himself out there in front ‘f thousands, 'nd you run away. Same bloke tells ya’ exactly what he means even after that, 'nd ya’ tell me I don’t mean it?” He murmurs, just loud enough for you to hear it. “Tell me how I can prove it to ya’,” he adds before you can get another word in, and he seems to already have a good idea, because his nose is brushing against yours already, but you quickly figure out that it’s going to take you asking for it before he does it, because Harry’s humble, but he has his pride, and you doubt he needs you fucking with it anymore tonight.

“’M going to start screaming if you don’t kiss me in the next three seconds,” you state, and he’s laughing as he presses his lips to yours, his hand cupping your cheek, and it’s gentle and soft and everything you ever imagined kissing Harry for the first time would be like.

And that’s how you die.

or

Harry’s your best friend and then you realize a lot of things, mostly that you’re an idiot

7k+, smut, overuse of the word ‘because’

It’s when you’re sitting on the couch next to him that you have your ’oh god’ moment where you realize that you’re actually really into him.

Harry hasn’t done anything to provoke this. He’s literally just sitting there, being his angel-like self because he can’t help it, it’s just who he is and you’ve accepted that. He’s beautiful and there’s nothing anyone can do about it. But you can feel it down to your toes when you look over to him and your heart nearly leaps out of your chest because he’s already looking at you, like he knows.

“’S wrong, pet? Not in the mood t'cuddle w'me today?” His voice suddenly breaks the comfortable silence you had fallen into, and you feel yourself flush down to your chest because this is Harry calling you out for being weird with him. You’re pretty sure there’s supposed to be at least a three month pining window before he starts to notice.

He’s Harry, though — not megastar Harry Styles, or the Harry his fans have dreamed up in their fantasy worlds where he takes them on luxury getaways whenever he has downtime (you guess they have no idea that he would rather watch romantic comedies and drink wine on the comfort of his own couch). To you, he’s the Harry who held your hair back while you threw up the first night you met at one of Nick’s parties. He’s the Harry who then proceeded to make his home, whenever he got to hangout with Nick and the rest of his friends, right beside you. He’s the Harry who insists that you sleep in his bed with him whenever you’ve had a bit too much to drink (and when you haven’t), instead of crashing on the couch (there are a gazillion fully furnished bedrooms in his house, you’d never have to crash on the couch, but you always crawl into bed with him instead of pointing that out). He’s the Harry who sort of just wiggled his way into your life and heart four years ago and forced you to be his best mate, whether you liked it or not, because he liked you.

So of course he notices when something is off with you. He always has, so you’re not entirely sure why you thought he wouldn’t notice when you went dead silent and put three miles between the two of you, when you had just been curled up against him like you always were on nights like this (and nights not like this, just kind of whenever the two of you were in the general vicinity of each other).

“Jus’ getting t'be a bit sleepy, I think. Think ’m gonna call it a night soon,” you say, and then you spare a glance to the clock on the wall, and it’s barely half ten, and Harry knew damn well that you almost never fell asleep before midnight, and if you did you’d wake up at three in the morning unable to get back to sleep.

The lie seems to do it’s job, though, because he doesn’t press you for further explanation, despite the fact that he’s looking at you in a way that lets you know he knows you’re bullshitting him and he’s bound to find out whatever it is that’s clearly bothering you. It almost feels like a challenge, but you know that this isn’t a game, and Harry gaining knowledge of your newest revelation would change everything, and probably not for the better.

It’s when you’re putting your answer into action that he presses further, because you’re grabbing for your keys, instead of announcing that you’re going to sleep with a kiss to his cheek, or wherever you can reach, and heading up the stairs to his bedroom. “Y'not staying?” He questions, and he’s got a pointed look about his face, and he really looks genuinely concerned, because you’ve never not stayed after a night like this. “’M supposed to meet m'mum for brunch,” you say, and you know it’s a lame excuse, because you’ve stayed over at Harry’s and went to work the next day with no problem. It also doesn’t help that he knows there’s no way your mum isn’t in town, because she would have texted him and made dinner plans a week in advance. They were close like that and you momentarily hate them for it.

He’s looking you over from where he sits and you don’t know if you’ve ever felt more small or intimidated in your life, and all he’s done is look at you. That’s all he’s done all night, really, and you feel like you’re about to claw your way out of your own skin because of it.

The three month pining window would kill you, probably, so scratch that.

“Has anyone ever told you what an awful liar you are? I mean, I know I haven’t, but that’s because you’ve never lied t'me,” he says, and the words send chills all over you skin, because you’ve been maybe not necessarily caught, but he knows there’s something going on, and you don’t know how to get yourself out of this one.

“I’ll cancel,” you finally tell him, accepting defeat, but not admitting to the lie. The fact that there is nothing to cancel isn’t something either of you bring up, even though you both know it.

“Wanna tell me why you’ve been a mile away fr’m me all night, while we’re at it?” He murmurs, and you just shake your head, setting your keys back down on the coffee table and fitting yourself into Harry’s side. “I just didn’t want t'bother you, s'all. You’ve had people all over you for a month now, w'your album 'nd all. Wanted t'give you your space,” you explain, even though you know he’ll see right through that excuse, too, if he really thinks about it, but it’s not nearly as opaque as the brunch thing.

It’s when he calls her cute and tucks her head under his chin that she knows she’s in the clear, for now at least, and she smiles silently. 

—–

You’re in his dressing room helping him get ready for one of his secret shows when it happens again.

It’s nothing different from what you’re usually doing when you get to go to one of his shows, even did it the last couple of years that One Direction toured. You’ve seen all his bits and helped him cover each and every part of them at some point or another, so seeing him without clothes has never had a very strong effect on you (okay, well it did, because you’re human and you’re not blind to the fact that Harry’s gorgeous, but you did a damn good job of hiding it).

And he’s not even naked now, not really — he’s wearing a pair of black boxer briefs, and he’s got his shirt covering his arms, and you’re standing in front of him buttoning (and smirking up at him when he unbuttons one more of the top buttons, even though you know not to even try to start at the top and fix him up proper) from top to bottom, like you always do. It’s become something you just do, no questions asked and for no real reason, because Harry is perfectly capable of buttoning his own shirt. You just like to do it, you suppose, and he’s never had a complaint.

Your fingertips drag across his lower abdomen by accident, before you’ve finished, though, and you swear you feel like your entire body’s on fire, and he hasn’t even touched you.

“I like this shirt,” you tell him as you drag your hands over the fabric covering his tattooed chest to smooth it out. You don’t even know why you said it, it’s like you were trying to distract him from the much more intimate, in your head at least, touch before, even though he probably didn’t even notice or think anything of it if he did.

“’S the ruffles, innit? Makes all the girls wild f'me,” he says, and you know he’s teasing, but his smirk lets you believe for just a moment that he’s flirting with you.

He’s not. It’s something you decide quite easily for the both of you, because it’s easier to shut your brain down that way than let it wonder if, maybe, possibly, he might be feeling everything that you are. You’re a very humble and grounded person, and ironically enough, you pride yourself in being just that. You wouldn’t dare let yourself believe that Harry Styles would ever have any romantic interest in you.

“’S too bad I only care that this one’s wild about it,” he says, kissing your cheek, but it’s so close to your lips, just barely brushing against the corner of your mouth, that you feel dizzy from more than just his statement.

Well. Maybe that changes things little bit.

Because you’re the only one in the room with him, so it’s not like there’s some other girl lurking in the shadows that you didn’t know about. Also, he almost kissed you. Like, really kissed you. Mouth to mouth. Does he know he almost did that? Does he know that you feel like you’re going to pass out the more you think about it? Also, what does that even mean? Why does he only care that you’re 'wild’ about him? There are so many questions and you feel like you’re going to start screaming any second, so you decide a shot of tequila is the best option right now.

–

You’re standing at the side of stage when you realize there’s no coming back from this.

He’s performing 'Woman’ and you don’t think you’ve ever witnessed anything as provocative as this. He’s really into the song, is the thing, and you’re certain he could tell any girl in the building to drop her panties for him, and they would in a heartbeat. You’ll pretend that you aren’t part of that group.

Until he’s looking to the side of the stage, like he’s looking for someone, and once his gaze finds yours and stays there, you realize it’s you that he was looking for.

And oh. Oh.

You are definitely, undeniably part of the Drop-Your-Panties-For-Harry-Styles group. Very much so, indeed. 

He’s got the microphone stand between his legs and he’s practically grinding against it as he just stares at you — he’s been doing that a lot lately, and that’s another one of the many realizations you’ve had in the past week with Harry.

You swear you nearly pass out when he sings the line ’you flower, you feast,’ with the biggest smirk you’ve ever seen before he’s looking back towards the crowd.

And then you have to go. You have to leave and go to his dressing room for the rest of the song, at the very least, because you’re so fucking confused. Where did all of this even come from? Why is he suddenly acting as if he just can’t resist you anymore, like he’s been longing for you this whole time. Was he just lonely? Horny and unwilling to put any effort into finding someone to get his fix with? Was it just a joke? Because the ache in your heart and between your legs was no joke.

You consider leaving the entire establishment when you hear the beginning chords of the last song on the setlist, so that you don’t have to face him afterwards, but instead you find your way back to the side of the stage and watch proudly as your best friend absolutely rips this crowd apart with his talent. You want to cry sometimes because you’re so proud of Harry, you really do. You think you probably will when he heads off on his first headlining tour in a few months. Cry because you’re proud, but also because you’ll be without him for the majority of those three months. The thought tugs at something in your chest, probably your heart, and it makes your eyes sting just for a second, until you’ve pushed the tears off for the moment.

For now, you’re watching on with a smile you just can’t help as he belts out the last few lines of 'Sign of the Times,’ and you want to join in, but you’d die if his microphone were to pick up your awful howling, as well. So, you wait for the end, and then you cheer and scream with the rest of the crowd in front of him. You notice that he spares a glance back at you, and you send him a nod back as you continue your cheering, watching as he practically personally thanks each and every fan in the crowd until the stage has gone dark and the lights in the main establishment have come up, and everyone’s pushing and shoving their way out.

You’re grinning because the star of the whole goddamn show is walking over to you before he is anyone else, and you’re beaming as you wrap your arms around his neck. “You were fucking incredible,” you tell him against his neck, and you take the kiss to the top of your head as an acceptable way to say 'thank you.’

–

It’s when the two of you are back in his dressing room that you feel the tension build again, and you swallow the lump in your throat as you replay his question over and over again: “Where did you go after 'Woman?’”

You want to scream, shout, throw things; not because you’re angry, but because when the hell did Harry get so confrontational? Or was it just something he was doing because you were being noticeably weird with him?You don’t like it at all, despite the fact that you’re always telling him he needs to speak up more. You never meant with you. 

“Had to use the loo,” is the answer you give him, and he cocks an eyebrow at you not a moment after you’ve spoken.

“You feelin’ okay, then? You were gone for four songs after that, and I talk a lot,” he says, and it’s so matter-of-fact that you know he sees right through you, just like he had the other night when you told him you were going to brunch with your mum.

When you don’t say anything for a minute, he presses on, stepping closer to you. “I don’t understand what you’re tryin’ so hard t'hide from me, babe. First the other night, now this — what’s going on?” He questions, and his stare is intense, and it wouldn’t be if were anyone else, but as always, he’s Harry.

“I’m fine, H, just have a lot on m'mind,” you try, feeling absolutely defeated, because try as you might, it really is impossible to lie to Harry, especially when he’s looking at you the way he is. He knows something is up, because you’ve never hidden anything from him. He knew your deepest, darkest secrets three days into your friendship. He knows more about you than any of your exes ever have, and you think that could be part of what scares you so much about him. You feel like if he ever finds out, the chances of you losing him are far greater, and the idea puts a pain in your chest, because what would you ever do without Harry?

You can’t help but miserably stutter and stumble over your words when he asks you who you’ve been thinking about, rather than what, but what catches you even more off guard is him stepping until he’s nearly got you pinned against the wall of his dressing room, and you’re breathing is heavy as you stare up at this beautiful, sweaty boy who just wants to know why you’ve been treating him so differently.

“You’re all I’ve been thinkin’ about, 'f that’s any sort of encouragement,” he tells you, and you want to speak, you do — you want to say something, fucking anything, but you’re frozen and your heart is about to beat right out of your chest.

“You don’t mean that,” is what you say, for whatever reason, and you feel awful as soon as you see the way Harry’s eyebrows furrow and his lips form into a tight line, but he’s not moving away from you at all. If it were possible, you feel like you’re drowning in him even more so.

“I — of course I fucking mean it,” he argues, his eyes unmoving from yours. “I can’t believe you’d fucking say that. Have you not noticed that I spend every bit of free time I have with you? You’re the first and last person I talk to every morning and every night, and the first person I run to when I have news, 'r just something to say. You’re the first person out of everyone I know that I run to after I come off stage — of-fucking-course you’re all I think about,” he says, and although his words are nice and make you feel all warm inside, he sounds angry, and that scares you, because Harry’s never been actually angry with you.

“Harry, I — I’m sorry,” you say, and your voice is nearly a whisper and you feel like crying, because he was honest with you, and you all but said you didn’t believe him, and honestly, how could you be such an idiot? You’ve got the most beautiful man in the world standing in front of you, telling you you’re all he thinks about, and you tell him he doesn’t mean it — who does that?

“I really — I’m so sorry, Harry. I didn’t mean to upset you, I just — it’s kinda’ hard t'believe, innit? That the person you’ve got feelings for has them for you, too?” And you realize there really is no going back after you’ve said that out loud, but hopefully it could fix what’s just happened here if he knows the only reason you said it is because it’s just a tad bit unbelievable.

“Pet,” he starts, and you smile, because after a long moment of just standing there and listening to each other breathe, you hear the familiar nickname and know you’ve got him back. “You are the meanest, most stubborn, woman ’ve ever met. Got a bloke full on puttin’ himself out there in front 'f thousands, 'nd you run away. Same bloke tells ya’ exactly what he means even after that, 'nd ya’ tell me I don’t mean it?” He murmurs, just loud enough for you to hear it. “Tell me how I can prove it to ya’,” he adds before you can get another word in, and he seems to already have a good idea, because his nose is brushing against yours already, but you quickly figure out that it’s going to take you asking for it before he does it, because Harry’s humble, but he has his pride, and you doubt he needs you fucking with it anymore tonight.

“’M going to start screaming if you don’t kiss me in the next three seconds,” you state, and he’s laughing as he presses his lips to yours, his hand cupping your cheek, and it’s gentle and soft and everything you ever imagined kissing Harry for the first time would be like.

And that’s how you die.

–

At least, you thought you were dead because you’re pretty certain Harry’s pillowy soft lips are what Heaven is made out of, and if you were experiencing those, you had to be dead, right?

Except now, he’s got you in the back of a car, and his hand is sliding up your thigh, beneath your skirt, and it’s then, with his lips on yours, that it happens again.

You realize that he’s probably not going to be able to come back from this, either. You don’t know when it happened, or why it seems that you both had the realization that you’re fucking mad about each other at the exact same time (not that it isn’t convenient, it’s just strange), but you’re here with him and it feels like he’s using his mouth to promise a lot more than just a few heated kisses.

You pray that this isn’t just some dare, or an adrenaline thing, because you’d have to be blind or just not paying attention to not see that Harry gets hard each and every time he performs to a crowd. Like, fully erect, you’d noticed, and of course you had always teased him for his evident praise kink (’even the twitter fans know, Harry, it’s not a secret’).

But from the way he’s pulling away to whisper praises in your own ear, about how badly he wants you and all that he wants to do to you, how long he’s wanted to do these things to you, you’re starting to realize that this is very real and you aren’t being fucked with at all.

Well, you will be, hopefully, but in an entirely different sense of the word.

You’ve somehow found your way onto Harry’s lap now, because apparently the silently pining over each other thing did a bang up job of sexually frustrating both of you, so you jumped at the opportunity. If you died in a car accident on the lap of Harry Styles with his tongue down your throat, so be it.

–

It’s only five minutes later when you realize you’ve pulled into the driveway, but it feels like it’s been hours, and your lipstick has gone to hell already, and your shirt is hanging off your shoulders, and so is Harry’s because as it turns out: you’re just as good at unbuttoning his shirts as you are at buttoning them.

Despite your messy states, you both thank the driver as you exit the vehicle, and the rush to get to his front door would be funny to absolutely anyone else, but you don’t think you’ve ever been so desperate to get into bed with someone. Hell, he could get the door opened, closed, and locked again and take you in the corridor and you wouldn’t care. You don’t need a bed, you need his cock. And then you wonder when your self conscious started talking like a porn star.

“Are you goin’ to laugh a'me 'f I try t'dirty talk you?” He asks, and it’s a ridiculous question, because he has no idea how much you’ve fantasized about being the one he’s whispering filth to. “Absolutely not,” is of course your answer, and it’s breathless and you’ve already let your shirt hit the floor, and you’re dropping your skirt at the bottom of the stairs, leaving you in nothing but your bra and panties, which are totally cotton and not matching and not sexy at all, but Harry doesn’t seem to care, because he’s pushed his shirt off of his shoulders and is picking you up to carry you up the stairs a second later.

“Take me t'bed, please,” you murmur in his ear, kissing along his jaw with your arms and legs wrapped tight around him. Everything about this is so, so, so urgent and is happening so fast, and you wish you could slow it down, even if only for a second, because it’s all so much, but it’s not enough at the same time. And you kind of want it to be perfect and remember every little thing, as cheesy as that really is.

He’s got you on his bed in no time, though, and you’re practically shaking, because that’s when it happens again. That’s when you realize this is really about to happen. You’re about to fuck your best friend, and the thought should be terrifying, if for no other reason than all that you’re risking in doing so, but you’re smiling up at him as you grasp the nape of his neck and pull him down towards you so that he’s fitting between your legs and his lips are back on yours for the first time since you got out of the car. “Want you,” you whisper against his mouth, and you realize when you press up against him that there’s no foreplay even needed, because you’re already soaked through the fabric of your panties, and you can still feel where he’s been hard since he left the stage tonight.

“’S that — do you want that?” You ask, and it’s sudden and probably sounds ridiculous, considering the situation you’re currently in, but you think it’s an important question to ask. “This, I mean. Me,” you clarify, blinking up at him, and you doubt seriously that he thinks your awkward quirkiness is cute at all right now, no matter how many times he’s implied how adorable you are because of it.

“You’re the most ridiculous person I know,” is his answer, and you’re starting to think you’ve heard more insults tonight than compliments, which is weird because you always thought Harry would be the type to tell you that you’re beautiful and kiss every inch of your skin. Turns out, he’s still just as good at picking at you even when he’s got you pinned to his bed and your lips swollen from kissing him so much. “Yes, I want that. This. You,” he says after a moment, and you’re blushing as he repeats your own words back to you in confirmation.

“I want you to fuck me, Harry,” is the next thing out of your mouth, because apparently filters don’t exist anymore, and he shrugs before shaking his head. “Was hoping t'get my mouth on you first, actually,” he tells you, licking over his lips, and you’d swear it was for dramatic effect, but it was also really ridiculously hot, so you can’t even be mad at him for being a walking cliché.

As much as you want to argue with that, because you want him inside of you now (and you also argue with him about whatever it is he wants to do before you eventually give up and do it), he’s looking at you like he might die if he doesn’t have his mouth on your cunt in the next two minutes. How could you deny him, really? It’d be wrong and unjust. 

Or: you really want his mouth on you, too, but you’re willing to let Harry seem more desperate to please you than you are desperate for him to eat you out, even though you’re certain that’s not the truth by any small means.

You don’t know when he took his pants off or your underwear, you must have missed it, unfortunately, but you’re watching him as he kisses over your thighs, and you feel sort of like you just got to fast forward to the good part. It’s when he licks over you completely and presses harder on the upstroke against your clit that you know that’s what happened.

You don’t know if you moan or if you scream, because you’ve tuned everything that isn’t Harry’s mouth on you and the little noises he makes against you all the way out, and you feel a little bit like you’re floating as he sucks at your clit, and your hands had flown to his hair the second he’d started that.

“Fuck, Harry, please,” you whine, and you don’t even know what you’re asking for, but you know you need more of anything he’s willing to give you. “Taste so good, baby. ’S it feel as good as y'taste?” He murmurs against you, and his voice vibrating against you may be hotter than anything you could possibly think up for him to do to you — and you’ve thought of a lot. All you can do is nod and give his hair a tug, grinding up against his mouth, and you wonder if he notices that you’re practically riding his face while he fucks his tongue into you, licking in and around your entrance, and you could cry from how good he’s making you feel. But also because it’s Harry who is doing this to you.

It’s the Harry who would rather stay in and cuddle with you than go to a party packed with A-listers. It’s Harry, whose preferred method of clearing out a cake batter bowl before putting it in the dishwasher, is the the two of you licking it clean. Harry, who would do anything and everything for you, and never make you feel like it was anything less than what he wanted to do. It’s Harry, and he’s told you a million times how much he loves you, and even if you roll your eyes at the sentiment from time to time, you know he means it, and you always say it back.

“Harry,” you say, looking down to him and the pleasure is almost overwhelming, so it pains you to make him stop, but you just want to be as close to him as humanly possible. He can devour your cunt afterwards, or later, or something. You’ll fit him into your schedule. “I — Harry, up. Come back up here, please,” and your voice is cracking, so you swallow as you look down at him, and you don’t know why you’re near tears, but you definitely are, can feel them welling in your eyes.

“What is it? Did I do something wrong? Are you okay?” He whispers, holding you by your wrists, his thumbs gliding against the skin soothingly. “Why’re you cryin’, sweetheart? Talk t'me, please,” he murmurs, and he sounds so panicked, and it makes you feel bad because how could he ever think he’s done something wrong? This perfect, wonderful, amazing man hovering over you is clearly unaware of how fantastic he truly is. He’s looking at you with concern in his eyes, and you know he wants to comfort you, especially when you feel the warm tears trickling down your cheeks, because it’s Harry, and he won’t leave your side for hours if he ever catches you crying. Which, you don’t mind so much. But you know he needs his answer now, or he’s going to end up thinking he’s done something wrong, or to hurt you, and it’ll all be over, and you refuse to let that happen.

“No, no, no — ’m fine. Perfect, actually, just — I love you, ’s all,” is what you say, and you give him a watery smile, even when your voice gets a bit quieter and doesn’t sound nearly as rushed there at the end, because you know he knows that, especially now. There’s no way he could ever doubt it, you don’t think. He lets out a throaty laugh as he pushes his hair back where it’s fallen against his forehead, his hands dropping down to yours, holding them tightly as he leans down to kiss you for maybe the hundredth time since you first started about an hour ago, even though it feels like it’s been a lifetime. “I love you, too, you silly girl,” he assures, kissing you once again.

“No, Harry — I mean I really love you,” you murmur, breaking the kiss for a second just to say that, because you need him to know that it’s not just something you’re saying, or even being said in the same sense as you’ve always told each other. He’s looking at you with an amused expression and shaking his head, but in the fond way that doesn’t hurt your feelings. “That’s what I’ve always meant, Y/N,” he confesses, and it hits you like a ton of bricks, because it really feels like everything suddenly makes sense and all is right in the world, a love song is playing in the distance (and it’s not just in your head, so you must have missed when he turned that on, too), all the dumb things that are said in books and movies are happening to you, and you want to appreciate the moment for what it is, but you’re also going to scream if he doesn’t fuck you into his mattress soon. There’s time for talking later.

“Please, please, please fuck me. Now. Please,” and you don’t realize you’re begging for him until you’re begging for him, and it has you blushing down to your chest. “Haven’t even gotten m'dick out yet, 'nd you’re already beggin’ f'me? Love me that much?” He teases, because of course he does, but you look up at him with a new sort of determination your eyes.

You’ve got your hand on the bulge of his briefs not a second later, working over him through the fabric, and it makes your legs spread instinctively when you feel the patch of wet where the head of his cock is pressed against the fabric. It’s then that you decide you’ve had enough, and you’re doing your damnedest to try and push his boxers down. You eventually give up and he laughs and stands to tug them the rest of the way down, and it almost sounds animated, the way you gasp when you see him bare, hard, and leaking for you.

It’s not that you didn’t know Harry was a monster — he’s woken up with enough morning wood pressed against your ass and your thigh for you to be more than completely aware of just what you’re getting yourself into (or what’s getting into you, actually). But knowing it’s all for you and because of you that he’s this hard is a lot to take in.

“Y'still wan’ me?” The question catches you off guard, but you nod almost too enthusiastically for it to be anything other than embarrassing. “Tell me,” is the next thing he says, and your eyebrows knit together in obvious confusion, but your features soften as he lays you back against the bed again and offers more information on what he’s wanting from you exactly. “Tell me how bad you want my cock inside your wet cunt,” he says, and it makes you bite your lip to keep from moaning, just because Harry’s filthy, as it turns out, and your thighs are glistening with how wet you are from it all. “Want it so bad, Harry. Want — wanna’ feel you, please, all of you, every goddamn inch of your cock. Wan’ you t'fuck me until I can’t take anymore,” you whisper, and it seems to have done the trick, because the head of his cock catches on your entrance where he’s sliding between your folds, and you can feel him start to press inside of you.

You really think you could blackout when you feel the whole of him settled snugly inside of you, but it’s not until he starts to move that you have dig your nails into his shoulders and drag them down his back as he fucks back into you. “Fuck me,” you moan, your head tossed back and your hips grinding up against his. It feels so good, is the thing — he’s so big, not just his cock, but everywhere, and he’s got you pinned to the mattress as he drives into you somewhat relentlessly, and he’s stretching you so wonderfully, because he’s thick, too, and it hurts in the best kind of way.

“Wanna’ ride you.” The words leave your lips before you’ve given them permission, but Harry’s smirking at you wickedly, so clearly he’s on board with the idea. You know he is when he’s pulled out of you (and you want to die because of that) and he’s got you on top of himself now and is unhooking your bra. “Feel like I owe your tits a personal apology for not paying attention t'them sooner,” he tells you, and you lean down to kiss his stupid mouth, rocking back over his cock. You tease him like that for a long minute, just grinding against him and feeling him against you, before you’ve decided that you quite miss the feeling of him inside of you.

You start to tell him that, but then it hits you that you’ve got the power now, so you take him into your hand after that, lining him up, and you sink down on him slowly, smiling into the kiss you’re giving him, because you can’t even begin to count the number of times you’ve dreamed of this moment exactly. It feels so good to be fucking yourself on Harry’s cock, and you don’t pass up the opportunity to tell him that this time. It makes him groan as he stares up at where you’re properly bouncing on him, and you notice when his eyes drop down to watch where he’s fucking in and out of your pussy, and you swear you feel him twitch inside of you at the sight. “Takin’ me so well,” he praises, and apparently you’ve got a bit of a praise kink, as well, and you throw your head back when you feel him begin to thrust up into you, the head of him nudging against your most sensitive part each time. “Harry, fuck,” you breathe, your fingers curling and nails digging into his chest.

You’re so torn between wanting to kiss him and wanting to hear everything he has to say, that you’ve settled for just kissing his neck and his jaw, leaving a lovebite or two in your wake, listening while he tells you how beautiful you are (you were right, he is into that), how good you feel, how you’re going to make him cum, and God — you hadn’t even allowed the reality of that sink in yet. Through all of this, you had completely forgotten that you had a goal, something you wanted to accomplish, because all you’ve wanted is to be as close as possible to him this whole time.

Now, however, you really want to make him cum, and you want it inside you (you’re very much on birth control and if you were to get pregnant, having a baby with Harry wouldn’t be the end of the world, and he wouldn’t be the first former member of One Direction to become a father). “Want you t'cum inside me, yeah? Fill me up,” you tell him, and you feel it when his grip on your hips tightens and he helps you fuck yourself over him faster. “Not until you cum on my cock,” he replies, and you clench around him at that, fucking down harder each time. “Need y'to touch me,” you whisper, grabbing for his wrist and guiding his hand towards your clit, “here.”

Your moans get louder the second he presses the pads of his fingers to your clit, rocking your hips harder, with more determination to get off. “I wanna cum,” you whine, and you want it so bad, now that you’ve remembered that’s part of all of this, that you could cry. You were a bit spoiled when it comes to getting your with Harry, you could say, because his fingers are quick and just right on your little bundle of nerves, rubbing in tight circles and applying just enough pressure. “Know y'wanna cum, baby. Wan’ y'to. Wanna feel y'squeezin’ me,” he murmurs, his teeth grazing over your ear. “Can y'do that f'me, angel? Come for me,” he continues, but his voice is so low and he sounds just as wrecked as you feel, and you can feel his lips brushing your skin as he speaks.

And then you’re pretty fucking sure you did, in fact, die this time.

Everything goes black, your lips parted in a silent scream, but not because you’re not trying, but everything feels too fucking good and you can’t even make a sound, aside from the pathetic sobs you’re letting out into his shoulders. You can feel your cunt pulsing around him, your clit throbbing beneath his fingers, and you’re sure he’s drenched with you, but it evens out because you feel him releasing inside you not even a minute later.

This time you moan his name, grinding yourself on his cock while he empties himself inside of you, fucking him through his orgasm, despite how tired and sensitive you are, praising him and thanking him with each and every movement, milking him for all he’s worth as you listen intently to the string of curses and your name falling from his lips.

You feel him dripping down your thighs the moment you slide off of his cock, but you only move to straddle the lower part of his torso, making a mess of his abs, and you can’t begin to explain how little care about that when you lean down to kiss him. “Thank you,” you whisper, and you don’t know why you say it, but it feels like something that needs to be said, because you are thankful for everything that’s just happened.

“I love you,” is his response, a smile tugging the corners of his lips up, and you can’t help but kiss him again. “For how long?” You question, and you’re about to explain what you mean, because you just want to know how long he’s known he loved you, like this, but he answers you with “probably forever” before you can elaborate, and it makes your heart skip a beat. He’s decided to answer the question in the ‘how long are you going to love me’ sense, you realize.

You blink down at him, like you’re surprised, but he’s just wearing his signature smirk and you feel a bit lightheaded. He seems so sure of everything he’s told you in the last day or so, and it’s so scary, but it makes you wonder how long he’s felt this way and how he figured out that you finally realized that you felt this way, too. Was he sitting on the couch beside you, staring at you instead of paying attention to The Great British Bake Off, too?

“How’d you figure out that I was just cranky ‘cos I realized ‘m in love w’you?” Is the next question you ask, and he shrugs, staring up at you and letting his fingertips drifts over your skin. “Jus’ know you, baby,” he whispers, pressing a kiss to the corner of your mouth. “‘Nd I remembered how red y’had gotten when y’mum told y’that we’d end up t’gether, ‘nd then y’started tryin’ t’push me away, ‘nd I knew you’d realized she was right. Plus, I did the same bit t’you when I realized. Remember when I’d hardly talk t’ya’ when I was in Jamaica? Wasn’t just ‘cos I needed t’focus on m’album,” he explains, and you laugh, because everything really does make sense now. 

You’re laying down beside him, curled into his side in what has always been your favorite position when you speak again. “I love you, too,“ you nearly whisper, and you’ve got a smile curling your lips, your hand wrapped around his wrist and your other arm slung over his chest where you’re resting your chin to look up at him. “Probably forever.”

[tsukishima-tadashi]

you kNOW i'm sending you tsukkiyama for that send me a ship thing you reblogged 🙏 🙏

• when or if I started shipping it:

Ok, so you know how when starting Haikyuu!! ppl tend to just like. Default ships? Because the characters come in pairs? Like, they go “oh, that makes sense” but don;t really think about it and stuff, and focus on kagehina or smth (AND MAKE STUPID ONLY SINGLE/STRAIGHT GUY POSTS THAT IGNORE ENNOSHITA’S EXISTENCE)?

 If we’re being really, really literal, then when they first showed up in pairs and I was like “oh they’re the Default”.

However, if we’re talking when I started truly shipping them, and they started haunting my every waking moment? Well, it came in levels. For me, it stopped being “default” as soon as Yama started getting developed. As soon as he won my heart, his obvious crush on Tsuk made me want them to be together. I no longer just shipped it in the “well I mean they’re there so it’s the obvious choice” way, but in the “these boys deserve each other” way.

And then the part where Yama screams at Tsuk came. And Tsuk’s development.

And then there was just no coming back.

(Keep in mind this all happened really fast because I binged Haikyuu!! - started while season 2 was still going on, and binged the manga while I waited for the new episodes.)

• my thoughts:

Where. To. Start. 

Yamaguchi knows Tsukishima better than he knows himself (which is why I don’t by for a minute that he’s ever legitimately sorry for praising Tsuks he knows Tsuks doesn’t like being talked up but Yama doesn’t care because he thinks the world of Tsuks and he is letting everyone know it because everyone should know how great Tsuk is!! He’s the same way when Tsuk isn’t around you know, one day someone comments that they’re glad he’s so proud of his being gay and he’s like !! HOW’D YOU KNOW and they’re like, “uh”). And I mean both “Yama knows Tsuk better than he knows himself, Yama” AND “Yama knows Tsuk better than Tsuk knows Tsuk”.

Yama could explain every tic and twitch of Tsuk. Yama is so IN LOVE with this boy that he can perfectly understand everything about Tsuk. Yama can and will happily rattle off on every little thing about Tsuk. “Tsukki looks warmly on animals!”. He probably has a hundred stories that conflict with the way everyone sees Tsukishima; “Tsukki helped a cat down from a tree he’s so kind!!” 

And Tsuk probably isn’t even that conscious of it, but he DOES show a different side of himself to Yama and ONLY Yama. And by conscious I mean like... obviously he knows he’s acting different around Yama than the Idiot Duo. But to him it’s probably just a matter of “the Idiot Duo is annoying”. I don’t think he’s ever had a moment where he’s realized “I show this boy all my vulnerabilities and am comfortable with him in a way I’m not with anyone else. In part I think it’s because most of Tsuk’s walls got put up after Yama was already there. He had already decided “I’m keeping him” when the Akiteru thing happened, and that’s when the Defenses started going up. So he shares all of the stuff his Defenses would hide to Yama, but he doesn’t really realize how intimate that is and how much it shows he trusts Yama

Or at least, at the start of canon. As the plot goes on I’m pretty sure he’s becoming aware of it. Slowly. But the Fight thing and the Bathroom Scene? Big steps. And as he becomes aware of it... he falls in love, of course. Or rather, realizes he’s been in it for awhile. 

• What makes me happy about them:

What doesn’t? 

Yamaguchi loves Tsuk so so much!! And is such a big part of Tsuk beginning to deconstruct his stupid inferiority complex!!

• What makes me sad about them:

...there is a lot of potential for angst. Neither thinks highly of themselves. Tsukishima is Bad at Communication and figuring himself out. Yamaguchi is working on it but he still seems to be vulnerable to falling into a bad place. 

• things done in art/fic that annoys me:

Hmmm.

Jerk Tsuk. 

• things I look for in art/fic:

PINING. Communication. Tsuk being Soft. Tsuk being warm and kind to Yama. Tsuk growing as a person and losing his inferiority complex and learning to be proud of himself. Tsuk becoming friends with the others and talking about how Hes In Deep with them. Tsuk smiling as he puts up with Yamas antics. Yamas antics. Tsuk smiling. insatiable kinky bottom (sometimes of the power variety) yama whose libido tsuk struggles to keep up with

• Who I’d be comfortable them ending up with, if not each other: 

With Tsuk. No one. I just... can’t imagine him being that intimate and open with anyone else. Especially not people that clearly have him on guard but whatever

With Yama. Any hot guy. Today I’ll say iwaizumi in particular but ask me tomorrow and you’ll get a different answer. Heck, ask me in an hour.

• My happily ever after for them:

Tsuk reaches a point in his life where he looks at the ring he bought years ago and no longer has any doubt plague him, and he doesnt hesitate to propose to Yama. They start a family and for a bit, he thinks he would make a bad dad, but he just has to look at yama to realize hat no, hes going to be great. also they have a ton of pets esp dogs and lizards. 

• what is their favorite non-sexual activity?

Oh god I can’t decide... 

Okay this will sound WAY too general but being in each others company. I can;t be more specific than that they just enjoy each other.

[survivortongatapu]

Episode #2: I Never Learned How To Fuckin’ Read | Carson Chapman

Honestly Ryan. I expected this scavenger hunt to be a bit harder. No self humiliation or stripping? No needing to go to grocery stores to find things that are clearly not there, but you make us look for and ask employees anyways? Or going up to random people asking them to put on nametags that say Ryan or some other bizarre name? Drew would not be proud.

The Conor vote was an easy thing to get done. It is a blessing to have such an easy vote early on. I need to start being more active and social with the members of my tribe, though. Or else I might be the next boot. I've already set a foundation with Tim, Stephen, and Kaci. I just need to further extend my reach without being too suspicious. I might use Jordan as a number since he has come forward with being one to me. Plus a Pines shield is a nice one to have since he never dies. Everyone always wants him out, so he would be something to hide behind.

"I once shunned Samuel L Jackson." CHARLOTTE HOW ARE WE SUPPOSE TO PRETEND THIS NEVER HAPPENED IF WE KEEP TELLING PEOPLE. AND to be fair, it was for a good cause, Alan Rickman was close by. Rickman > Jackson. (watch me have the sign backwards or some shit)

hi my name is charlotte and my entire tribe never learned how to fucking read

YOU'VE ALL BEEN IN THE COMMUNITY FOREVER HOW DO YOU NOT KNOW THIS?? NOT TO CALL ANYONE OUT BUT CMON Y'ALL KNOW BETTER.

Anyway, now that I've yelled, I guess it's time to do a review of everyone on my tribe. Chrissa - Honestly we haven't talked much before this game or in this game. I think we actually got into a fight in the VL once. I used to think Chrissa was just the shipname for Chris and his wife and didn't realize that Chrissa was a real person. Fun fact! Adrian - We were in a BB game together but that's about it. It wasn't very memorable so I doubt they remember me. I should probably talk more to people on this tribe I don't know but we're so early in, it just doesn't seem worth it. Carson - I've played with him before so we have a pretty good relationship even if he spent half of CB calling me weird lmao. I think he would be a good person to ally with but I can never fully trust him because when I did that last time? He had a secret #1 ally the whole time. Lesson learned! Jay - I've known Jay for awhile but we've never really played together so I'm hoping we can in this game. I think it'll be interesting to see if we mesh in a game scenario so - I'm excited. Owen - I'm glad Owen is on my tribe because he seems good at challenges?? Or at least historically he has been. Whew! Antoine - THEY ARE CANADIAN!! honestly I always want to work with the canadians thats my kink. Pocket - I've talked to them a bit and they seem cool?? They at least know how to read a damn post so that puts the +1 above some of the others. Bryan - We've played games together before so they seem like a good bean but again, I don't really know them that well. I NEED to start talking to people more god this is ugly. We love a flop. Andrew - I don't know him but LA says that he's a good bean, he hosted her in Solomon Islands and again in whatever game she just died in. I need to talk to him more. Willow - I love Willow!! She's so sweet and it's kind of hard to talk strategy with her sometimes but ima try anyway!! 

Purposely sabotaging my social game to be more UTR and pretend I'm not around much anymore? Perfectly working in my new Tumblr Survivor strategy wooooooo

Honestly, I just get bored and don't entirely want to talk to some of these people that much, so I just sit here and cry when I have to talk to the likes of Tim and Stephen. I know they're really really cool people, and I like them a lot, but by having never heard of them before, it means that there's this preconceived notion, in my head, that I have to talk to them more, so instead I just dismiss them so they don't see me as a threat, and they can just have the impression that they've 99% got my vote. I'm fine being people's number. Someone just tell me how to vote and I'm more than likely to do it for the first 75% of this game, if I make it to that point. My new strategy is the best of all time. You can't beat it.... Except going off in the main chat about the challenge may not have been my SMARTEST idea, but that's because the challenge was stupid, the new scavenger hunt rules were dumb, and next time I invest four hours into something, and you tell me it doesn't count, don't expect that same motivation level to come out of my body for at least another 3-4 rounds out of shear stubbornness.

Everybody is doing their best to win the challenge and I feel a little bit bad that I'm doing something cause I'm sitting out. Hopefully, it doesn't put a target on my back if we do lose. Right now, I trying to get to know these people more and figure who I want to work with.

I guess I should make a real confessional now. I mean.... We all voted out Conor last round, which was cool. I feel I should initiate a tribe call tonight, with hopefully a win. I don't want to initiate it if we lose tonight's challenge, because then that'd be bad. I'm trying to really think of ways to keep my social game stepped up, and the fact of the matter is that I don't really think I need to do much more, it's such an overthink at this point. I know if my name comes out, I'm going to be able to outtalk a lot of people, and on top of that, I know that LA, Tim, Kaci, Jordan and Carson feel a pretty good relationship with me, and i'd kinda like to think that Stephen does too because I've just been overall active in the main chat, and talking to him a bit on the side. I'm struggling with how to connect to Raffy and JD, and kinda Rob, but not really because Rob seems to be very talkative on my end. I am going back to the thought of Jordan mentioning wanting the strong players to work together, and from the group he listed, that leaves out Kaci, Tim and Stephen, which is interesting because I like them, but they'll also have to go. I'm hoping that Jordan Pines can be the real kicker of strategic talk on this tribe, and we can see what happens. I know whenever I pinpoint targets, I make it my mission to send them out the door, and I know it's dumb to do because some people don't want it to happen, but in a tribe this big, if I talk about it with enough people, then it just happens.... Same thing kinda happened with Ruthie in Japan, where I just saw her as a long term threat, and wanted her gone............................ I'm feeling this way with Raffy. I know it's early, and I know going after him probably isn't the smartest move, but I thought he was just a nutjob from seeing him a little bit of me hosting him in Kuang Si and watching his antics in JP, and all his VL Confessionals of REALLY hustling, it's hard to want to work with him if he's actually that smart, but at the same time, reminds me of a player that is going to do himself in at some point so hmph. We'll see. I still intend on sitting back for now and playing nice, even though I want to give all these people a slow and painful death We'll see what happens after the challenge. If I were to bet, i'd bet that Kaci is going to be in trouble, but I don't wnat her to go, but also.... effort ¯\_(ツ)_/¯  

The sacrifice was successful. Conor may be gone but we won the next round so yay. But still Kaci didn’t contribute so next tribal she might be in trouble. While we don’t go to tribal I’ll still maintain some social play, but will back off a tad to not seem too eager.

we lost. thanks adrian for telling Ryan you could be excused but not saying a word to our tribe! it takes 10 seconds to take apicture and i dont believe he doesnt own at least a towel. so now im stuck going to tribal and having to strategize. which.. is nice. i get to see how people play/strategize/all that and it thrusts us into strategy mode where we can FINALLY really talk game. i want adrian because its easy tbh! ------------------------------------------- [6:53:09 PM] jay: Yeah same [6:53:14 PM] jay: big andrew fan [6:53:27 PM] carson: and I trust everyone else vaguely bc like.. I haven't gotten into [6:53:33 PM] carson: deep strategy talk yet with anyone bc we haven't had tribal [6:53:44 PM] jay: we can trust chrissa tbh [6:53:59 PM] jay: and probably charlotte right? [6:54:24 PM] carson: I agree with that for sure [6:54:30 PM] carson: theyre trustable ppl just in general sdjsd [6:54:33 PM] carson: like loyal [6:54:45 PM] jay: whomst the fuck is antoine [6:56:28 PM] carson: wait no [6:56:30 PM] carson: Quebecois [6:56:45 PM] jay: pocket is hard to talk to idk i dont GET THIS who literally plays based on people they know god. LIKE ANTOINE HAS GIVEN SO MUCH MORE TO ME THAN JAY and put in way more effort? like Antoine's such a nice guy and just because he doesnt know him.. SAME WITH POCKET. POCKET IS THE EASIEST PERSON TO TALK TO ON THIS WHOLE TRIBE AND SO TALKATIVE??? LIKE WHAT THE FUCK. pocket is so fun and..  idk. jay when you read this i still love you but bitchwhat the fuck not sure whats gonna happen. gonna probably push for Adrian to go and get that easy vote out of the way. Pocket + Andrew offerened an alliance to me but havent said anything about it since soo.... also bryan told me to "remember to stay low" and im like ????? thats not good for my paranoia at all.like at ALl at all so now im kinda freaking out. hopefully we can make this tribal easy.. but if not theres outcast island but im not taking my chances with that.

So in typical Johnny fashion, I can't just let us win immunity and not do anything with the time we have that we can utilize to make more connections, do things to advance my game, so I go to Stephen, and pull my typical Johnny move: [1/12/18, 11:03:22 PM] ~~Johnny~~: And I know we haven’t spoken much, and you may have spoken to people a lot more than me, but I get a really good vibe from you, and in each game I play, I just pick one person that I’m like “this is my dude, and regardless, I’m going to make it happen with THIS GUY, and if they turn on me ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ ” and I’ve kinda wanted to ask you if you… gets down on one knee Stephen, will you be my ride or die? ;) [1/12/18, 11:03:54 PM] ~~Johnny~~: like tbh, I think you’re smart af, I can tell that you’re here to play, and I think I’m here to play too, and you always gotta survey the field before you make a leap like that, but I feel confident that you and I can really do some damage here [1/12/18, 11:04:41 PM] Stephen: haha, id be honoured [1/12/18, 11:04:47 PM] ~~Johnny~~: (party) [1/12/18, 11:04:49 PM] ~~Johnny~~: Honestly [1/12/18, 11:05:02 PM] Stephen: I do feel like you are smart too, and sane enough not to wig out early on [1/12/18, 11:05:17 PM] ~~Johnny~~: Having one connection with someone, where you know they won’t spill what you’re thinking, and you can tell an actual person who RESPONDS (fuck you RTP), is great So now I've got this relationship with Stephen, that I think is really going to blossom my game and make it grow. I am continuing to lay low, and I am going to continue to just build social bonds and not even talk game with anyone that isn't Stephen. I know he MIGHT be moderately sketched out by what I just proposed, simply because we haven't spoken nearly as much as I'm sure he's spoken to other people, but I've got faith that my relationship with Stephen is going to carry me a long way in this game, and jesus take the wheel if I can make this go well, I think I'm in a great spot. I've gotta just keep up tabs again during this 24 hour period. I didn't find anything during the idol search, which sucks. I really really really REALLY want SOMETHING, even if it's a disadvantage in the game, I'm willing to take the risk to continue on with an idol search every time because I know people are finding things and I'm not. That's my biggest motherfucking motivation to win a damn immunity challenge, but we'll see. Praying someone I don't know on that other tribe ends up going home because I need my friends to stick around. Chrissa going home before I get to her, or maybe even Owen or or Charlotte, just since they're strong players who I've either been hosted by, or hosted, and I'm just not sure about the reactions once I make my way to a tribe with either of them. Yea... Sorry for my long confessionals, but that's me, and also all you'll get for right now, but I'm sure something very minor will happen later tonight and I'll write another 8 page long confessional LMAO

So Ryan reminded everyone about alliance chats and I am *shook*. I’ve been trying to play slow but how slow is too slow? I need to calm down and remind myself that suddenly making alliances is no way to reacting to being excluded for alliances. In this scenario social game trumps strategic game. And so far its working, maybe, Johnny came to me and proposed a f2-but-not-f2 alliance and i was like sure. But he might be lying, I do doubt it though considering we won immunity. Now I just have to decide if I’m going to tell Tim. He’s my mate and I love the guy but I have to decide if I really want to tie my game 100% with his, or keep options he doesn’t know about. Then again talking to him could expose if this is a lie. hmm

So Ryans brief comment about alliance chats has sparked a ton of debate. Ive been approached by Johnny, as I said before. But we have talked about literally everyone else on the tribe, and Ive talked about a few people have JD. Johnny has a lot of knowledge and experience which scares me. But if I can use him to bring myself further then thats good, I can easily paint a target on him when i need to. Still solid with Tim, but Ive decided if people get concerned about our history Im not above voting him out.

AND I THOUGHT TONIGHT WOULD BE QUIET. Honestly, I normally write what happened, and then my thoughts about it, but I'm going to summarize because I just don't have it in me to write 85 million words for you tonight RTP - LA and JD want a four person alliance with Stephen and I, which I find funny because LA wanted this to happen right as I made my ride or die deal with him - Tim told me he thought I was cool, and tried to develop more of a relationship with me - Stephen and I went in depth with the people on our tribe, and we haven't really picked out who we do/don't want to work with, but we're laying as low as we can for as long as we can, and no one is going to know it Yea. that's cool. not as intense as I thought, but making a f2 and being in my first alliance of the season is kind of a big deal I suppose. I gotta REALLY work on my functioning relationship with Carson, because I really really really need Andrew to trust me this game, and I'm not super sure if he will. He knows how I play better than anyone in this cast (besides maybe Willow and Pocket), so I've gotta really maneuver myself carefully there.

.i feel bad now because Adrian's having an emergency ofsome kind and I'm pushing his fucking name. I'm gonna talk to him tomorrow and see his thoughts. Hope he's ok. but other than that... im playing so aggressive what the fuck. i NEVERRR play like this and i literally said I wanted to play UTR because this is Ausvivor and the merge is in like... 8 years, but I'm playing hard! Literally had basically my first REAL conversation with Owen today and it was pretty much ALL Strategy. Antoine wants out Jay. Jay wants out Pocket/Antoine probably because he said no to Adrian. Ideally, Charlotte or Adrian would go, but the push of "newbies" vs Jay is bad because it's people I could potentially trust. Also because im actually saying names is like... im super paranoid that people will be like "oh he's overplaying let's get him out." and just vote me out ughhh. Outcast Island is there though and if I did get voted out, Katie is there and I trust Katie to work with me so IDK, but I don't want to be out. Hopefully strategy will pick up steam tomorrow, and alliances etc will be formed and I can get in a good, longlasting position.

So we won the immunity challenge and I am ecstatic! We don't have to go to tribal and that's amazing. But that doesn't mean that the game stops. We got to go to reward where I and Stephen found absolutely nothing! I started bonding more with Johnny who is a very intimidating player. I'd love to work with him but I'm hesitant that If I do I'll get played. Apparently he has done his research on our tribe members and has his own assessments of each of us. To him I'm naive and doesn't know much but boy is he wrong! I may be new but I've got plenty of game to play, votes to survive, challenges to win, and strategy to form. /// Also JD thinks I'm "social". I dont know what that means but it frightens me! Does that make me a threat? does that make me an ally? Am I gonna go home for being "social"? Who knows? But at this point I'm gonna try and lay low. Until next round? (PS: I have yet to be put in an alliance chat >.>)

JD and I set up and alliance with Jordan. And we're planning to do something with Johnny and Stephen, maybe Tim as well so we'll have majority. But we'll see how this all works out. Thankfully, we won though so we don't have to worry about a vote. 

i went to outcast island for fun but these two really suck

fun suck

What up nerds. This game is lit, im a cute alliance, im putting in minimum effort getting maximum reward right now. I will start doing things later but for now.... nah

I lowkey feel that I don't connect with anyone. There's no like Eddie or something. It's just talking because we have to. We won and that's good because we took all of those advantages and such in the previous challenge. I feel that Kaci might have gone but I like her way more than LA and JD right now. However, they stepped up and I don't think they would leave tbh. Whatever

Listen! If you want confessionals you should never have casted JP and you should have cases Emily... Just saying O.O

So right now, it seems like it could be an unanimous vote for Adrian since he didn't really participate in the immunity challenge. And i'm like, really? It wouldn't have change anything. I don't think an unanimous vote is the best thing for my game right now. It would just narrow down the number without me really knowing where people's head at. I'm gonna try to make this a little more complicated for people. I'm taking risks but i'm not here to be a sheep following orders.

Hey everyone! It’s me again. Here with another confessional. Ok so like. There’s too many people on this tribe tbh. I would give my opinion on all of them but I wouldn’t be able to remember all of their names. But anyways. We lost the challenge because the other tribe took more advantages than us in the last challenge so that sucks. But it seems to look like Adrian is going. It’s too bad that he had personal stuff, but he still hasn’t really talked to anyone. There would’ve been a chance of someone else going if there wasn’t the outcast island. No one wants to cut throats cuz it could come back to bite them in the ass. I just. Gotta lay low and stay there for awhile. I’ve got some good connections on this tribe and that’s enough. I’m chill with willow, Antoine, Charlotte, Carson. Probably more. But I can’t remember them. O wait pocket too. Anyways. Until next time fellow followers!! 

So apparently I'm the name on the chopping block for tonight's Nukuleka tribe. Which is fine, but like half of these people have not interacted with me at all and they want to say that I'm a weak link? Hello, we have fucking Chrissa who really can't do shit other than apply for games and be super shady... like look down the road. We lost because I couldn't take pictures, and that most of them kept a medium-sized advantage for them and gave us large disadvantages. Pathetic really. 

We lost the challenge bc of the advantages lmao but!!! I made an alliance with andrew jay Chrissa Carson and pocket oop jdjdjd and since Adrian abstained I think he’s gonna be the vote. If it’s me then oh well grrrr. I didn’t want to work with pocket bc his hair and beard scare me but both andrew and Carson mentioned him ugh. I also like bryan and Charlotte a lot and willow tbh so like.....yeah. There’s one person I’m missing? Oh the guy that sat out he can go. JD It I guess on a more game related post. I'm excited about the group that I wanna work with. I've touched based and talked with most of them... Or LA has.. we've talked to the people anyway. We only have a chat with JP because... Well it should have happened before anyway. But we'll see how she goes! I think that our group is going to end up having me, LA, JP, Stephen, Johnny, and Tim

Made an alliance with Owen, Jay, Carson, Chrissa, and Pocket. Tryna kill Adrian. That's the tea with Andrew G! Also I'm tryna lay low on this tribe while keeping up connections with everyone. Social queen uwu

I’m glad we won immunity. I don’t think I have the social standing to avoid the target. However, the reward was interesting. I hope no one found anything immediately. That would suck immensely. 

adrian's the vote and THANJK GOD. i like adrian, he's okay, but this is SUCH a much better move for me than Jay or Antoine going. adrian isnt reall with anyone, but Jay is with all his friends from pregame, and Antoine is with Pocket/Bryan/Andrew. so this means, i cut out someone who leaves me with 2 people who still trust me.

Also, Owen added me/Pocket/Andrew/Chrissa/Jay/him to an alliance and i'm so happy? my goal for this round was to get in an alliance, and I have close alliances with Pocket and Andrew, mini-duos with pretty much everyone minus Adrian, and now a bigger alliance to help me get through. Willow not being in the alliance is gross though! Hopefully this vote goes well even though I'm stressin a bit.

It should be Adrian going tonight rip 

So i heard today that Adrian was trying to target me. We had a talk the other day and i said i wouldnt vote him. But he shouldn't take me for a fool. Im voting him and so is my new alliance of Owen, Andrew, Chrissa, Carson, and Pocket. As well as Charlotte anf Bryan. Don't try me (:

Our tribe was SUCH A MESS during this challenge JDKDKD We pulled through tho and that’s what matters. Now it’s time to begin my witch hunt for who the fuck too the tickets

I thought I did this earlier but I guess not!! Maybe I forgot to submit but anyways this round is easy we have no tribal

[survivorcordillerablanca]

Episode 9 Confessionals

dammit i aligned with the one person everyone wanted out in the merge first.. why is jordan pines still here? well im using my power and bouncing the fuck out next round--- see ya suckers!

i hate blindsides. like people are always like "omg BLINDSIDE haha this is so fun!!" no. theyre not fun. do u rlly like having to own up to everything after tribal to people u just betrayed and u cant tell them EVERYTHING that happened but u have to tell em something and tey always feel betrayed. not fun, and katies obv pretty hurt while bryce is hiding it. like im not gonna blindside if its always this unfun. i dont wanna spill my guts and be all weird bc i dont like doing it :/ but telling people who im voting isnt fun either idek

So the vote didn't go my way. Someone is working with jordan and luke. i think the way the votes fell it was me and chris on jordan, katie on luke, willow on me, and charlotte, luke, jordan, carson, zach on chris. everyone is saying that it was last minute and just wanted to go with the majority. but that doesnt add up. i was told that i wasnt clued in because they didnt know if i was close with chris or not. and that they wanted to flush the idol that jordan has. but if you all vote with him he obviously wont play it?? also i wasnt told because chris chose me to go on the wishing well im  pretty sure which is lame. we werent even close and i would be fine voting him even if i think its the wrong move seeing as how luke and jordan need to go sooner or later. im most betrayed by carson because i told him hes my number 1 and he said the same but he doesnt let me know saying it was last minute. but he talked to me right before the vote and said it was jordan so clearly it wasnt too last minute. willow voting me is so random but i need to make sure i get her back with me b/c i think i can use her. this vote has brought me and katie closer i think which is good, she really seems to think that charlotte was the mastermind of the vote and i kind of agree. i just dont get why charlotte wanted us to split and then do this. she convinced chris to split too i believe which is sad for him. but like why would she make a split if she already had 5 votes. so i think its maybe not her, or she was doing that for extra caution. anyway people still have these advantages from the auction so im wary and just want to win the immunity to secure myself. i need to work on my relationship with luke and willow i think b/c i think that can be beneficial moving forward.

katie used her power.. like why?? i love katie but like.. that was dumb. after me incessantly telling her, youre fine, youre safe. but whatever. (but i get her point of view too because i wouldnt trust me after telling her i was voting jordan then helping her split votes on luke then voting chris out lmao) hopefully the plan of getting jordan out can work this round even though katie using her power semi? nto really complicates the plan. patience sucks by the way

Jordan won immunity which is PERFECt because it means he can't be voted out but now I'm just worrying about me. I know we managed to get the numbers last round but I'm nervous about whether or not people will vote me off this round or not, especially since I'm the only vulnerable Copa at tribal council. That being said I /do/ have 2 idols in my pocket so I could just pull one of those but I wanna try and wait as long as I can before I have to use those. Ideally I want Willow out this round, I don't really talk to her and I don't think she trusts me especially after we played Dead Sea together and I had a hand in exposing the idol that she played incorrectly (oops?)! Zach didn't really like the idea of getting Willow out but Jordan wants to so I'm gonna see what I can do. It ain't over yet

*play like jenna.. play like jenna... play like jenna... PLAY LIKE JENNA*

I hope to be a swing vote next round 

Carson: What do you want to do about tribal? Me, probably: Blindside Zach. 

So we're talking about voting out Willow this round.

She's nice, but there are no real allegiances (as far as I know) that she has in this game. Her vote was wild last round for Bryce, so it should be easy to get him on board to vote for her too. Jordan and Zach both need to go at some point but right now they, and Carson, are the only people I enjoy talking to so ... maybe I'll play this out and just bring a bunch of threats to the end with me. Why not? Can you imagine a final three filled with people who actually played decent games? It'd be a blood bath to see who wins and I am SO here for that.

this vote is a little intricate. but before I get into that, I want to explain other stuff. I was so close to copying Jordan's score because I knew from a past game he got perfect, so I would only assume he'd get it again. That being said, I would've felt really shitty and it may have potentially fractured my relationships with some of them. anyway the five person alliance type thing of char/luke/jordan/carson/myself aint going to stick much longer because..... everyone wants me out. I wanted Bryce out and i got it going but unfortunately people are doing willow. 

Willow leaving is kind of bad for my game, but nonetheless it's the decision and I can't resist it much. I plan on telling her the truth, and getting her to use her golden fan so that I can maybe get a new power because my rope fucking sucks (well, sometimes it can, but its a tiebreaker rip) I think if she didnt use it, she'd give it to me? and i think thatd be fine but i dont want to use it because luke would be mad, so if she's leaving, then why not just let it be her since  she's leaving anyway? I love Willow to death though so her leaving is going to be sad :( I think ideally the next person i'd want out is Jordan. One of the trio of L/C/J have to leave, and i'm least closest with Jordan and despite Char being like... opened about wanting me out because i can go on a comp streak, i don't want her out bryce can leave too. i dont talk to him much, but he's a nice guy! the game's the game, and it sucks though. Also it's fucking crazy how already its final 8 like?? it feels like the game started lowkey like 2 days ago and .... we're almost half way done.. wait we are DSMGODSMGDS okay done

"honestly i love how in this game votes are determined like ~6 hours before the vote and its settleede easily for the most part" zach even tho we've only had three votes including this one and the last one he said he was" told last minute" so what the truth!!! I think we're voting willow here everyone seems to be on board but i was blindsided last time and theres no saying I wont be blindsided again. I really wanted to win immunity but i flopped big time but maybe itll make people think im not a threat. Im gonna try to bring me carson zach charlotte back together and hope for the best because it would be 4-3. but also i want to remain close with katie even tho she ditched me... iconic queen. She told carson before hand but not me so thats interesting i guess!

willow targeted charlotte and spread her name, and charlotte acc does have some power so... ppl (bryce) ratted to charlotte and now willow's on the chopping block. sigh. im fine with willow going i guess ill just need a new final 3 person for me and zach?? whatevs. also willow has a golden fan apparently that mixes up the golden fan so me + zach r gonna try and get her to use it before tribal so we can possibly get some items. also.. at the start of this tribal EVERY name was tossed out besides me and zach. this could be because people know we're close or maybe we actually are in a good position. i think its the former but who knows. hoping this vote can be pulled off easily and i won't be the blindsidee tonight.

Currently trying to get the votes to get Willow out. So far I think I have me, Jordan, Charlotte and Bryce and with Katie gone that's majority for this vote. Zach still doesn't want to do it but I may just have to go behind his back on this vote and not do what he wants but that's the game. Hoping this works because I have a really weird feeling about tonight. 

Okay so as of currently I think Carson, Zachary and Charlotte are the biggest threat and I want Charlotte gone lowkey 

But I'm at my friends house so I don't have lots of time as usual ugh, also I'm a dumbass who got the challenge time wrong also Bryce suspected it was me who voted for him last round rip 

I've been being jewish all day so im just here now, so first confessional - hooray jordan finally won a fucking immunity challenge, it took way too long rtp. like seriously wtf

Anyways splitting this confessional up into 2 cause tribal is soon and i got nothing to talk about, but like bye willow, you were cool i guess, we didnt talk. sorry hon

Okay so like its definitely gonna be me tonight and I sorta tried but I think it's gonna be a unanimous vote and I just wanted to say I love Zach and Carson and I hope they do well in this game and I'm excited to use my fan and stir shit up right before I leave and continue only ever getting 8th in side seasons  

i gave zach my idol bc im a paranoid bitch and have a bad feeling about this vote. also FUCK everyone for wanting (or faking) to vote out literal ANGEL Willow. i just like told her im voting her and love her and wanna be friends after :// Also idk. i have a weird feeling. if i am blindsided, then good game bitches.