#maybe give u head too idk
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VENUS I have soooo many ideas for taru.... ranging from prisoner taru with warden darling cause yk he's in prison rn to icky angel taru who has nasty thoughts about the human hes supposed to be keep safe<33 -chubby darling anon who's brain's so rotted it's seeping out
this hit me in my pussy!! blinking wide eyed at u prisoner taru… my single braincell is rolling around like a marble i hope u kno how genius this is… i am KISSING YOU!! taking some creative liberties with the prison design since idk what it’ll actually look like… utc since i got a bit carried away soz T^T
includes: afab gn reader, prisoner taru, guard reader, a good handy, and whiny taru!!
you found the early morning rounds to be the least enjoyable portion of your day. the prisons was created out of a series of circles with intricate arching hallways to connect them. architecturally, it was to make the layout confusing for any prisoners looking to escape should they not have a map. equipped with an irritating amount of locked doors and special keypads, no one who wasn’t supposed to leave would be able to. enter the eleventh harbinger Tartaglia.
all of the other guards and employees hated his presence thus Wriothsley burdened you with tending to him twenty-four seven. initially, you had cringed knowing his reputation but… being his watch dog constantly meant less work navigating the building so ultimately, you were game. bring him three meals a day, tend to nay wounds, and keep one eye on him at all times; an easy job for you. when you first met no words had been exchanged beyond your vague introduction to the food he was receiving. you got a sharp nod in response but his furrowed brows and slight pout indicated that he wasn’t pleased, you assumed he was likely used to more elegant dishes, but this is prison. he gets what he gets. Tartaglia slowly began to warm up to you, his slight chatter coming through the bars that separated you from him; it was more like a grate considering there was both horizontal and vertical metal. you had eventually insisted on bringing one of the prisons spare chairs over so you could sit while he talked your ears off and Wriothsley quickly conceded, just happy to know he wasn’t causing you any real problems. it wasn’t like you could do much else other than entertain since there was a door between the chamber and the rest of the jail; this particular cell was saved for high risk offenders which any harbinger more than qualified for.
after some time of swapping stories and bandaging the occasional scratch he obtained from punching the walls in frustration, the two of you were rather well acquainted. Tartaglia told you all about his family, most exciting missions, and even slivers of his life prior to joining the Fatui. you shared tales of your friends, favourite hobbies, and the best spots in Fontaine for spending sunsets; nothing too personal as you were more than aware of his conniving nature and couldn’t fathom metaphorically putting the bullet in the chamber for him. he never complained about your reservations, though, merely enjoying a voice responding. Tartaglia is lonely, you figured. lonely with his psyche rotting away in this prison cell as he awaited appealing the charges wrought against him. it was one evening that you made perhaps the largest mistake of your life.
diner had been served and he groaned about having mashed potatoes for the nth day in a row. you had shrugged in response as you couldn’t control the meals given out. he ate reluctantly, shifting endlessly on the chair bolted to the ground. his eyes flicked back and forth between you and the fixtures of his cell in a way that made nervousness settle in your gut. once his dishes had been taken away and you returned, the flush across his face was beyond noticeable and, to your chagrin, you had looked him over just long enough to notice the member twitching through the fabric of his administered pants. he eyed you, slowly coming to narrow in on the apex of your inner thighs. with a slight shift, he let out a pathetic and garbled groan, face tightening further.
“i… i’m a tad sorry it’s just… it’s just been so long since i’ve had the time to relieve myself… can’t help it i’m… i need something. you can turn away but please i’ve gotta…”
the look he gave you between glances at your chest, face, and clothed pussy said more than his words could. he carried on.
“yer’ just so pretty n i can see everything… makes me wanna touch myself n you so so bad n i just need to… hurts a bit, honestly.”
his laugh was sour when he trailed off. you gulped, mouth suddenly dry and almost imperceptibly rubbed your thighs together but, of course, Tartaglia noticed. his hips raised and head lolled slightly to the side.
“ya want it too, huh? i could… i could get real close to the bars… put myself through n you… can touch if if ya want… can finish me off.”
against your most base inhibitions, you nodded hesitantly and he sighed, rising from the bed. as he approached you noticed just how tall he is for the first time. at least six foot two and with arms flexing as he shimmied the pants down before pushing himself against the grate, he was nothing short of a man who could kill you if the bars didn’t exist. yet, Tartaglias member was pulsing with need. twitching and leaking from the tip, his hips involuntarily moved for a couple thrusts against the cold metal and he whined. your hand reached out and hesitantly gripped him while a moan already spilled past his lips. you stroked him soft and slowly as he pressed his forehead to the bars and gripped them between his hands. settling into an even pace, you fisted his cock with vigour he clearly loved if the groans and soft begs for more meant anything.
“so close… fuck… gonna… in your hand…”
his breaths were laboured and you threw caution to the wind, leaning down just enough to slide his tip into your mouth. he twitched against you and let out a guttural noise as he came into your awaiting mouth and down your throat. you swallowed quickly and upon standing straight up again, you caught him slack jawed and wide eyed staring at you. you spoke before he could.
“i uh… didn’t want to have to clean it up…”
#rubbing my thighs together tbh!!#you are so smart my dearest… i won’t u so bad#cmere lemme kiss u!!#maybe give u head too idk#childe x reader#tartaglia x reader#genshin impact x reader#genshin x reader#genshin smut#chubby darling anon my beloved <3#chit chats
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gojo would kill your work husband. but if he were the work husband, that's a different story
REAL!! he’s such a hypocrite because if someone mentioned you had a work husband, his entire world would stop and he wold devise the absolute worst plans to make sure that your co-worker, everyone at your job, and everyone in the next building over knew that he was happily committed to you
but if he is the work husband, he’s very........ dutiful in his role. there’s a loose office/lawyer au in my head where satoru is your secretary, and for all intents and purposes, your personal assistant, and he’s good at his job, but mostly because he considers his job to be pleasing you. he has coffee for you when you arrive, he moves your schedule around without you asking, he has answers to questions before you can even ask them, he has fresh flowers on your desk weekly, pokes into your meetings to pretend to hand you a file that’s really just maybe a single document in a manilla folder with candy on top of it—he’s made himself your business, your partner; he’s made himself irreplaceable, and he loves to remind everybody of that fact.
he’s also extremely loyal. sure, he could day a week’s worth of work done in about a day, but that doesn’t mean he’ll just use his talents for anybody. he’s your secretary, so he’s at your beck and call, and everyone knows it. they know he’s the best, but also that he’s off limits—not because you won’t share him, but because satoru won’t let himself be shared.
he also extends his duties beyond work, of course. when he hands you a print out of your schedule for the day and you’re confused by the three-hour block of time you have in the middle of the day, satoru just helps you shrug your coat of your shoulders and smiles, “that’s for the lunch date you have with me, of course!” hanging up your coat in your closet for you, “i’m paying, see you soon, sweets.” and because you’re great at your job, and satoru helps you be great, nobody really questions when the two of you have time for a 13-course tasting menu at 1pm on a tuesday afternoon. and if they did, all satoru would say that you two had a lovely date
#anonymous#he's like donna from suits but worse because he's like if harvey were donna LOL#i have soooooo much to say about him#he doesn't really Have to work he's a nepotism baby supreme#but he met you maybe in undergrad? and he's been obsessed w you since#he knows youre a workaholic so he's dutifully sat by your side all these years through college through grad/professional school#and when you told him you got to hire your own assistant he was the very first applicant#because getting paid to spend his days with you and take care of you? he was already doing that for free might as well make it official#everyone in the office knows satoru loves you except you honestly#he probably has his own masters/JD but elects to be your assistant anyway bc that's so much more fun#what he Really wants to be a househusband but first he's gotta ask you out and propose and all that good stuff (cue him rolling his eyes#and going on about formalities and boring systems and blah blah blah)#also in the office au in my head: nanami (also senior partner) higuruma ofc <3 beloved (managing partner) and TOJI!#WALK WITH ME!#its honestly probably satoru's influence that gets toji into law... as someone who so feverently broke it in the past#idk maybe there's a megumi situation that makes gojo be like yk if ur this good at skirting/breaking the law youd probably be half decent#at enforcing it... or at least helping other people get around it too#and so lawyer toji is born#does he screw around w the rich people who r stupid w their money? absolutely#but you nanami and higuruma just let it be bc he brings in those settlements better than anybody else....#hmmm... i kinda wanna make megumi somebody's associate but also..... yuuta.....#i think i just like sticking yuuta in a tie if im being real#but anyway... satoru is your Work Husband and everyone knows he wants to be your real husband#but they just let it slide bc rumour has it even tho hes just a secretary hes got equity in the firm?? and besides that his heart eyes give#away his hopeless devotion from a mile away#the day you actually start seeing somebody outside of work... oh theyre in for Trouble#satoru x reader#him dragging you out of ur office late at night and u protesting so he just. puts u over his shoulder#and ur telling him to let u down but he's insisting u go home and then nanami pops out of his office#and ur like wait nanami this isnt what it looks like but he's so dead in the eyes when he just sighs
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if escape rooms as team building exercises became popular im not sure if id be more excited or terrified
#if it isnt already anyway.. i can see it happening as a school frosh thing. idk if it would catch on as a workplace thing#i kind of find the concept of being locked in with strangers and working to find a way out weirdly exhilarating though#at least compared to icebreakers cause i dont have to spend 10 minutes racking my brain for something to blurt out abt myself#as a bonus u could like. put people into groups and give prizes to whoever escapes first second third etc. apparently they also do themed#escape rooms.. maybe let people pick a theme? or voluntary sign up? actually this would be really fun for smth like a blind friend date#although if i found out i was locked in a room with an online friend id be too excited to actually escape LOL#ive never done an escape room before so sadly i cant speak from experience. its like up there on things i want to try next to rug tufting#workshop and visiting new art exhibits or conventions. i seriously need to get out more if it wasnt for the horrors <- school and anxiety#i was planning to invite cass to a drop-in art workshop in town but neither of us could go bc typography is making us go thru hell and back#AND THEY HAD A BUTTON MACHINE TOO#im nostalgic bc i miss working in groups and not being awkward abt it or worrying abt schedule conflicts#i realized that i learn best in groups and its a little corny but i like sharing ideas and talking through a problem#in elementary i could just sit down with friends for review and come out of it energized *and* more familiar with the material#and i could technically still do it now. but as adults we're more picky abt who we work with on top of being way more busy outside school#maybe im lonely. im shy and grew up not talking to ppl unless i absolutely have to so its hard to make friends on my own i guess#only thing getting me thru it is telling myself that humans like helping and that my cringe is overblown in my head. but its hard#hence the escape rooms. i have been able to talk to 2(!!) people though!! mostly abt school stuff but im glad to be on friendly terms#i dont really know how to be happy these days cause im constantly scaring myself abt my portfolio and finding places to work#not being ambitious is part of not wanting to put energy into something that wont work out while also not having the passion to do literall#anything else.. i should probably talk to my counsellor ugh#yapping
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i genuinely don't understand when civs are like "well obviously I WOULD NEVER do sex work but i still support you" like why did you have to preface it? i know you're not cut out for my job babe believe you me that's not even a discussion (also no one asked) but why do you have to preface your support with a firm separation of You from Us. like when you hear that back does that sound supportive or does it sound weird and off putting?
#anyway that's all i've got of my 'i haven't smoked yet and have no one to rant to' bullshit#but like also chill little bro no one's offering you a job. you're fine.#like idk make sex work gay in your head. how does that sound if you were like 'well i would obviously NEVER do ANYTHING gay BUT i support u'#how does that sound to you? does the preface make it sound like 'yeah i can put up with the idea as long as it's seperate from my life bc#i still think it's a bad choice and i still look down on it'#'but YOU can do the thing i look down on i would just obviously at NEVER do that'#bc that's how it lands#like that makes me think you're ok with me a stranger doing sw but wouldn't be ok if it was your friend/sister/child doing it#it's giving my dad saying he was ok with my partner being a sw and disowning me when he found out i was one too#like idk maybe don't preface or nuance ur support and it feels more like support and less like judgement#mine#hooker posting
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#every once in a while ill go back after cleaning up music on my phone and relisten to old rock songs then redownload them#but im thinking. how the fuck did 3/4 of my immediate family listen to disturbed. just one song but huh#actually maybe 2.. also trapt? who the hell is that anyway we all just know headstrong 😭#i redownload and delete and redownload it all the time LMAO#skilet and three days grace and OH breaking benjamin we all listened to a lot too#and i say 3/4 bc i dont know what the fuck my dad likes? pit..bull..? lmfao..? thai music?? im so confused#FALL OUT BOY ALWAYS HITS#also that fucking. roach last resort shit. my brother still has it in his spotify playlist and it always makes me laugh so fucking hard#anyway i do rmr skillet and breaking benjamin being big bc we all liked it. also how did we all like disturbed but now none of them listen#to rock sob sob#also i used to share three days grace and fucking hollywood undead to my younger cousin??? what was wrong w me for sharing HU...#HE DOESNT REMEMBER IT THO?? its really funny LMAO#also evanescence but i found more songs on my own and ofc we together only kinda had uhh 2 songs#NUMB ENCORE.. I TOTALLY FORGET ABT IT AND IT BLOWS MY MIND EVERYTIME IT RESURFACES IN MY HEAD HOLY SHIT#BANGER but anyw my point was uhh smn smn sharing music is great and im happy we all bonded over rock before lol#44597#IDK I FORGOT HALF WAY IN 😭 GO ROCK!! im redownloading some of the shit i dont have again LMAO#OUGH ALSO NOBODY CARES BUT ME AND MY COUSIN R SO 06 ALL HAIL SHADOW PILLED#THAT WHEN MY BROTHER PLAYED THE OG ALL HAIL SHADOW I KID U NOT I WAS LIKE IS THAT A COVER WHAT VERS IS THIS#SORRY IM SO CRUSH40 PILLED I LITERALLY PLAYED SHADOW THE HEDGEHOG ON THE PS2 AND ON AN EMULATOR?? WHAT THE FUCK IS THAT#/LH BC ITS STILL GOOD BUT THAT IS NOT MY JAM. 06 IS WHERE ITS AT#crush40 was so good for sonic songs though esp all hail shadow and ungravitify OUGH crush40 versions r like almost always my fav#wait with movie and year of shadow ppl r going back n commenting all over this old yt upload of all of me from 11 years ago LMAOOO#dude they have to give knuckles kickass rap songs again PLEASE unknown from M.E makes me laugh so hard BUT ITS NOT BAD#AND PUMPKIN HILL ok that wasnt tehcnically his but it literally TALKS ABT KNUCKLES. ITS LITERALLY ABT HIM BRO#that ones funny to me bc my cousin loved it sm and he was legit like trying to hear the lyrics but he couldnntt#a ghost tried to approach me AND GOT MARRIED??? 🤨🤨 i cant take this song seriously ASLKDJS#CHECK YES JULIET.. JUST REALIZED MY BESTIES USED TO LIKE SOFT ROCK WITH ME?? they dont listen to that at all anymore omg
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hey god if you've created someone for me can you introduce me to them sooner? i kinda need them now
#like i know i know im sad and hurt but in my heart even the worst breakup friendship or otherwise can kill my hope#like i know this is gods plan for me this is my arc but god it's getting worse and harder everyday#i thought nothing could be worse than yesterday but i hadn't lived today them#then*#i need to talk to someone so bad oh god sl yesterday i had the exam right#and like i don't even know what happened i thought i was going to fail even after giving my 2000% studying#for like 10 hours a day for 15 days for this one exam#and i was panicking and shivering so bad that my heart felt like it would fly out of my chest it was beating so hard#and so fast it didn't even beat like that when i climb too many stairs#and i tried to deep breathe but nothing worked it was so scary like yeah i get stressed sometimes#but this was another level so scary i was nauseous too#and then i clicked submit and i got 82!!!#when i was so sure i was gonna fail because i was only sure about 54 marks answers and the passing was 50#and i got really happy and relieved and then i realized. oh. i don't have anyone to tell#like yeah i told my dad and he was like oh cool ofcourse you did very good#because he doesn't GET it that im not smart anymore and 10th cbse is not an accurate measure of intelligence#he wasn't even happy or surprised he was like well nice obviously#and that's it. i didn't have anyone else to tell#granted i hadn't even told anyone i was giving the exam. i mean i say anyone as if im swimming in friends#only have one. two if u stretch. and i didn't say. cause like idk doesn't really seems like anyone cares#and aah stupid emotional me before the exam i was feeling sad and trying not to panic (??? why??) and CRY in the car because i was thinking#that how my mom always drops me to exam centres and we talk i play music and when im getting out she says all the best beta#and the beta. wow i typed this and immediately have tears in my eyes now. i don't even understand why but#idk i made it up to be a little tradition in my head and i really wanted to call my mom and say mom pls can u say all the best#to me now bc i think ill fuck it up and im really scared and maybe if u give your blessing it'd be okay. but then i thought how embarrassin#it wld be if i failed. bc we don't have any kind of rship my mom and me. and then when she heard i passed from dad she didn't even call me#or anything. thank god i didn't do all that drama but fucking hell. this is all just for me right nobody cares not my parents#and it's too difficult im crumbling under the pressuee but i have to grit my teeth and do it or ill never be able to get out of this house#and i know ill find people when i do get out. but in the meantime. please god ji just one person idc who girl boy friend or love ANYONE#ik it's weak & ik i shld be enough on my own. but pls i just CAN'T.they dont even have to put up with me they just have to care a bit
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The PJO show is definitely not BAD, it’s very fun and cool, but tbh I dislike almost every single change they’ve made from the book lol
#disclaimer this is not about the casting I do not care about them de-blonding anyone annabeth I love u#it’s about the plot changes! I don’t like or don’t understand the point of most of them!#sally doesn’t tell him about the gods!#Percy doesn’t get mad at Grover! At least not like this!#he doesn’t get riptide back until they leave for the quest!#also the change of why he gets kicked out wasn’t like worse but I didn’t really get why they did it#and juniper???? in book one???#but the biggest thing is Gabe. I really don’t like the way they made him like wimpy?#he’s literally physically abusive in the book. he steals Percy’s money the second he steps through the door.#he’s dangerous and sally is kind of scared of him in the book. she doesn’t yell at him and demand to go away and threaten his food#idk maybe he’ll get worse later but as of now: does he deserve to get kicked out? absolutely. does he deserve to be killed? not really?#also Clarisse looks too well groomed lmao that’s NOT my war daughter#and she just makes other people bully Percy? no way. she was the one shoving his head in the toilet!!! give her her violence back!!#ALSO! where is annabeth? she’s supposed to be obsessed with him bc she thinks he’s the one to get the quest and he’s been here like two days#and she is nowhere to be found????#anyway not putting the show tag on this it’s just personal rant time#mine
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i Need to draw more clemviminnie shit but how am i supposed to do that when minnie only exists alongside them for 2 episodes then dies
#its why i alive her for some post s4 stuff just so i have more to work with 😔#but i dont Love doing that....she sealed her fate..she was lost in the sauce...#but theres so much there..............#the way minnie was concerned for vi while betrayed!vi and clem were fighting in the cell she def still had feelings...#they still wouldve been dating if she was never taken like......#ITS SO MESSY I LOVE IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!#like while i Do think there was some tension in their relationship somewhere bc that line in the woods didnt come from nowhere#no matter how changed she was by the delta that sentiment had to come from somewhere. maybe she could just never say it#but idk if they wouldve broken up over it and there was no reason for violets feelings to change either. she just grieved her 'death'#vi says the real minnie is gone and that she'll do what she has to to keep everyone else safe but like....#theres no way shes not still conflicted on some level like you can see it on the boat she cant leave her. esp since she kinda blames hersel#minnie being clems dark reflection but clem is minnies reflection just as much (obvs) the tension is palpable between them#clem being the part of herself that she killed when she killed sophie...the symbolism of killing your own twin...#and how much does clem remind her of sophie too like whos clem Really mirroring here#THERES SO MUCH MEAT THAT IM CHEWING ON THIS IS A GRAND MEAL#and i cant fucking do anything about it 😭 seriously how do i work within these constraints#there isnt even a 2 week jump like there is in ep2 theres no unaccounted for time in eps 3 and 4 ITS KILLING ME#i bet in a betrayed!vi route minnie was glad to see her when they made it to the boat. and vi feeling betrayed by clem was a perfect target#totally susceptible. minnie gets in her head that its safer to give in instead of fighting back... and now theyre together again...#vi betrayed by clem falling right back into minnies arms OOF girl get away she is Fucked Up..theyre both fucked up 😭 clem u broke her#betrayed!vis reaction to hearing minnies confession about sophie..girl must have been so emotionally fucked in that cell#mmm toxic yuri mmmmm :)#god clemvi really has it all..............................................#why would i need anything else...when clemvi is here#twdg#it speaks#still cant believe my fave girlie really got it all :)
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ykw actually I am angry + disappointed w them. I've been pushing how I feel aside and trying to make it my own fault so it's all contained but I think theyve just been mean. and they really should know me better ik I try to pretend I don't expect more from them so I feel less hurt when they do things that upset me but we've been friends for years by this point. like come on.
#just got home and went to put my shit away but my flatmate was in the kitchen and i got suddenly so mad i had to walk back out#not going to do or say anything while im this upset. i need to be a lot calmer before i can even be in the same room as her#like okay. so originally it was just the two of them getting drinks and theyd rather it was just them bc i dont drink. thats cool#it wouldve been difficult for me to join them after work bc travel. and ik theyd done this before just the 2 of them and had fun#i can fully respect that its why i said no and stuck by that decision when she asked again#but to not mention she was taking the day off work and btw i just found out that BOTH of our other old flatmates joined in too#to not mention that they were travelling that entire distance and that it wasnt just drinks it was a whole day out together#thats just mean. why wouldnt you tell me that why did none of them say anything.#and the fact they did the exact same fucking thing last weekend too i didnt know about that at all#like i need to stop trying to justify it. im allowed to feel unwanted and excluded bc thats exactly what theyre doing.#im tired of feeling like other people dont want me around. i know i can be difficult and annoying sometimes. but im really not that bad#and we're meant to be friends!!!!!! like youre supposed to like your friends. and want to spend time with them. or at least i do#and yeah everyones annoying sometimes thats just part of being alive ur supposed to tolerate it if ur friends#im allowed to want to feel like im wanted. im allowed to want ppl to care abt me. that shouldnt be too much to ask for#but the overwhelming message im getting at the moment is they dont want me around. and when i am around them i feel like they dont listen#to me and that they dont really care how i feel unless it directly involves them or theyre responsible for it#i feel like they dont see me as a real person that exists. only a version they have in their heads and they base all their assumptions and#decisions off that version instead of directly communicating with me. and constantly avoid me under the guise of 'giving me space'#when im upset or having a difficult time and most need support from other people. i just feel really unseen#and ik that part of how i feel IS exacerbated by insecurity and depression. like they do care to some degree#but also a lot of it is evidenced in the way they act towards me. mainly my roommate bc shes the person i interact with most#and personally i find the most direct ways of showing u care abt someone are showing up for them. and making them feel seen#and maybe not everyone feels the same way. but thats how it works for me anyway#so to repeatedly exclude me and avoid acknowledging that ive been having a difficult time is the opposite of that to me#which is the point im trying to arrive at... sorry ik ive probably said similar things repeatedly the last few weeks but i feel like its#crystallising a bit like this is the core reason why im so sensitive and reactive atm and why i got so upset by it#idk. not tonight bc im still very emotionally raw but maybe tomorrow if im calmer i should explain that i was upset + why to her#i avoid doing that so often when im upset bc i dont think theres much point in having a conversation abt it unless u expect some kind of#resolution from it. or if you want an apology but idrc abt being apologised to the crucial thing is what theyre going to do different#and i love her but shes very resistant to changing her behaviour bc of other ppl being upset by it. and like i said before she has
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alright making a pact w myself i will try bg3 A LITTLE BIT.... only a little bit not too long.... and Only If i can write this thing and email it to (redacted) tomorrow.
#god give me the strength to not throw up while doing this. ugh#i wanted to start tonight but........... studying german and doing fuck all was more tempting tbh#so.......... i will sleep and then i will wake up and then i will write this...... yes i will......... then i will write an email#and then send it..........#and then only then i can try the game....... remember i will treat this as a test run to see which settings my laptop can handle........#i will not spend too long on it....... i swear on my soon-to-exist romance with astarion........ who said that#bg3#🗒#btw she sent me an email saying what to do this noon so like. it wouldnt be weird to respond by idk tmrw evening right?#i always get so weird in the head abt these things. feels like i should respond right away but like. even if i responded right away#i could only say 'sure i will send another email when i finish writing it' ha ha ha#so like. it doesnt make sense. but also my mind refuses to understand how to be normal abt these stuff so i really dont know#also like there's 3 weeks to the deadline so. maybe i should chill and be normal and just write the thing tmrw and then send it#with the stuff she wanted and be like here u go! :) it would be normal i think#okay now we're over this now we have the other horrors. such as Writing It lol#i can do ittttt i can i just gotta commit and be brave etc#playing bg3
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#sometimes u have a day thats just so. i cant even. its seems 2023 is my year of rage#directionless rage. i guess im mad at me but instead of being directed inward it just goes out into empty space#im just fucking. im at my saturation point#its a good thing i stopped taking measurements yesterday and went to the store tomorrow bc im so fucking#mostly bc i noticed a problem with the code for a paper that is fucking less than a day away from being locked in on acceptance#and now its like fucking i have to go through and change a lot and im also less than 48hrs away from another massive project starting#that will occupy my whole fucking waking nightmare of a life. so its a good thing im level headed. its a good thing i can accept my fuck#ups with honestly. bc im so fucking. ive had it. im up to fucking here with everything and i just want it to be done#im fucking full of bitterness and black bile and i want to break things. and whose fault is it? fucking mine#bc im too fucking exhausted constantly all the time to fucking pay attention to what im doing and notic that a fucking function isnt#working properly. fuck u fuck u fuck u. so what r we gonna do abt it?#idk well see what my boss says. i already texted her that news and its good bc at least i caught it but god its so fucking irritating#god. will i b told off for this? maybe. i probably deserve it. haha if so that will send me for an absolute tailspin. i cannot stand to#feel ive done something wrong. even when i kno i have. last time i had a total freakout meltdown and made v bad choices and that wasnt even#this bad. so its a good thing im currently fairly stable bc the desire to make bad choices is very strong#im just so sick and tired of everything and i want to let things implode bc im vindictive against myself. but we must not do that we must#be reasonable. so idk we may have to withdraw the paper. whatever i dont give a fuck. itll get accepted elsewhere. i dont fucking care#leave me alone to dissolve into the dirt and set my data ablaze to be helpful to no one. erase my Prospective impack. i don't fucking care#anyway today sucked. i might have to stay up all night trying to fix this. ensuring that i fuck up the start of the looming project yayyyyy#i hate it here. i stopped having fun over a year ago#itll b fine. im just fucking. im full im impotent rage#unrelated
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#dude I can’t take it I have like 6 drafts of me going fucking insane over kieran I actually cannot handle this many emotions#HES WAYYY FUCKING COOL#HES EVERYTHING TO MEEEEE UUURHHGHGHGHGFHH BANGING FIST ON THR GROUND#seeing kieran slander physically hurts me like shut UPPPPPP YOU DONT GET IT YOU DONT GET IT ARRFHHGHGHFHHGHJGH#sorry. normal. normal.#idk how I even fucking survived playing through the game like every sentence out of his mouth or anything#any dialogue that was marginally related to him gave me the urge to throw my switch across the room#I can’t. I can’t I can’t I can’t I can’t I can’t I can’t take it#EVERYT(ING ABOUT HIM. HES SO.#like….. he’s so deeply relatable to me… it’s rare to me to find a character that resonates with me this much#especially on this aspect like ughhhhh fuck you. fuck you!! shut up!!!! DONT CALL ME OUTTTTTT#watching kieran is like watching myself from third person and oh. oh man. you were fucking WEIRD. get a GRIP?#‘were’ don’t kid yourself you still ARE. oh my god.#its like getting blasted straight in my face with my own insecurities like shut up. stop it.#you’re. you’re ruining my perfectly crafted facade. I haven’t flaunted this insecurity enough to be in control of it yet can u. stop.#BUT HE GIVES ME SO MUCH HOPE THO. LIKE#I can do it too-! maybe there’s hope for me yet#uuuughhghhhhhh#stronger and stronger and stronger and stronger and stronger#head in hands#I’ve been slacking….. shaking head I gotta keep up the momentum#just do it!!!!#it’s been a month+ since… I need to do it. I need to change. you’ve been getting behind… you can still do it…!#write a list…? probably have to… even I’m starting to forget#1) be honest. don’t. don’t change yourself to be ‘palatable’. you’re ryu. your friends will love you no matter what you do because im me#don’t hide away your true self it’s ok!!!!! you can say what’s on your mind you can say your opinions#your preferences… don’t lie….#they won’t hate you they won’t take it personally they want to know about ‘you’ after all… ryu#2) just talk to your friends…. there’s nothing to hesitate about. they understand even if you’re low energy they understand if you’re busy#reached the tag limit fuck
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augh english version of tcf novel is going to release soon...............i know theyre gonna call him alver.......must prepare myself for the psychic damage
#i knowwwww alberu is like. not technically correct like i know. i know in true english it would be alver#but i can not stand the name alver and will forever be calling him alberu in my head#does it not match the vibes of the rest of the names? obviously. i Do Not Care#alver is too close to alvin#i dont think alberu is gonna show up in the first vol anyways#maybe the third one#depends on how many chapters per book it is#and also how they divide the chapters bc the priginal novel is like almost 800 chapters but the chapters are typically divided into parts#so depends on if they keep that division or just consolidate each chapter name into one whole chapter instead of dividing it#or dividing it less idk#i have too many thoughts abt this#my biggest worry is that i will be blindsided by someone elses name and how they decided to spell it#this is like the hq manga all over again#i will never recover from seeing them call seijou blue castle#like im pretty sure thats what aobajousai means#but its so fucking weird to call them the english translation then just the japanese name im sorry 😭#or blue castle might be what seijou means idk im guessing#where was i going with this#oh yeah novel incoming 🥳#u know i never read the first few chapters?#at the time i found the manhwa first and ran out of chapters to read and went looking for the novel#and then i didnt want to reread what i just read in the webtoon so i figured out where it left off and just read from there#on the one hand good for me bc ive tried reading the first chapters before in an effort to reread the whole thing again#but the first chapters give me HEAVY second hand embarrassment#and also anxiety that someone will catch that cale is not who he is#but alas nobody figures it out until wayyy later and its the guy who literally doesnt care bc he didnt know og cale and the guy who ALSO tra#transmigrated#so its a non issue. i wonder if pt 2 is gonna reveal it. i would imagine it would? i dont actually know what chapter theyre on. i think almo#almost 400 by now which is fucking hilarious i hope ms author is staring at her word docs like how did it get so long again#michi tag
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⋆ ˚｡⋆౨ৎ˚ Spice Up Your Life
♥ masterlist | request rules
♥ pairing: max verstappen x fem!beckham!model!reader
♥ synopsis: you’re the daughter of victoria and david beckham. ginger spice, aka geri halliwell and the wife of red bull principal was in a pop group with your mom, allowing you to visit the paddock frequently and meet the one and only max verstappen.
♥ smau - fc: isabelle mathers + girls on pinterest - as always none of the pictures are mine <3
♥ warnings: swearing !!!
♥ a/n: ft. a few familiar footballers and no horner
-August 2024-
liked by victoriabeckham, davidbeckham, maxverstappen1, and 584,603 more
ynbeckham home sweet home
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judebellingham i’ll let the united kit slide for now
ynbeckham 👩❤️💋👨
user7 i need more judeyn content
k.mbappe @/ynbeckham your dad played for madrid too you know
ynbeckham @/k.mbappe yea i know
vinijr damn 😐
ynbeckham i love you guys I swear 🫶
manchesterunited welcome back
ynbeckham let’s start the season strong 💪
user1 she is her
user6 let’s go man u girlies
user2 stop it why is @/maxverstappen in her likes?
user3 because he has good taste?
user5 i’ve seen yn at madrid games sitting next to carlos so maybe max has seen her 🤷♀️
user7 @/user5 it’s that versainz influence
liked by maxverstappen1, realmadrid, davidbeckham, and 483,549 more
ynbeckham madrid
tagged; @/judebellingham
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erling awh she even wore your kit
judebellingham i know 😍
user1 bet max wishes she was wearing his number lol
carlossainz55 @/ynbeckham i knew you’d come around eventually
ynbeckham peer pressure
realmadrid @/ynbeckham you love us
ynbeckham @/realmadrid i do 😔
user2 i LOVED seeing david & victoria there with yn
user3 right! it was so sweet
user4 the way they were cheering on jude too 🥹
user5 idk anything about the judeyn lore…
user4 @/user5 i gotchu! with davud being who he is yn had immediate connections to the world of football. madrid and united are the two teams most people know him from so yn quickly made friends with a lot of the players like jude!
maxverstappen1 feels like everyone was there except me 😅
ynbeckham you didn’t miss out on too much but you should totally come down to the pitch one day 🙃
maxverstappen1 @/ynbeckham maybe i can just invite you over to the paddock this weekend?
ynbeckham @/maxverstappen1 ill check my schedule
user7 SMOOTH
user8 stop it did max just pick up yn in her comment section 😭
✧˖ °. ݁₊ ⊹ . ݁˖ . ݁‧₊˚ . ݁₊ ⊹ . ݁˖ . ݁˖°✧
You pulled an already opened white envelope from your counter and spoke directly to your phone, which was recording you.
"I'm sure we've all seen the Max comments, everyone was raving about it. What I want to know is... who told her?" you pointed at the camera, sunlight reflecting off of the charms on your nails.
"I got this letter from Geri with a Red Bull paddock pass inside," you stated, pulling the lanyard out of the envelope. You flipped the pass ID over to show the camera up close, "Valid for: All Days."
You stepped back from the camera with a knowing look on your face, putting your hands on your hips.
You tilted your head, "I guess I'll see you in Monza."
✧˖ °. ݁₊ ⊹ . ݁˖ . ݁‧₊˚ . ݁₊ ⊹ . ݁˖ . ݁˖°✧
yns insta story
liked by landonorris, davidbeckham, judebellingham, and 249,785 more
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user1 she wasn’t joking 😭 she’s actually in monza
user2 whatever max wants max gets
davidbeckham i’ll be in the mercedes garage if you need me x
ynbeckham ok 🙂↕️
redbullracing @/davidbeckham you won’t be joining us?
davidbeckham @/redbullracing maybe i’d join you if i had a valid pass like yn
redbullracing 😬
user3 THEY DIDNT EVEN GIVE HIM PASSES HAHAHAHDJDJD
user5 no fucking wonder he’s hanging out at mclaren and mercedes 😭
user7 gonna need someone out there to record her and max's meeting tbh
gerihalliwell glad to see you put the paddock pass to use! can't wait to see @/victoriabeckham in Vegas <3
♡ by ynbeckham and victoriabeckham
user9 you couldn't get david passes too?
gerihalliwell I got 2 to give away... my hands are tied
user12 double it and give it to the next disgruntled dad
user8 lets go spice girls vegas reunion
user10 if they're gonna make vegas a whole thing we might as well have geri and victoria sing like they did in '97 for the mclaren car launch
user14 the f1 spice girls lore runs so deep
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-Post Race Interview-
”Max how did you feel about your race today?”
“Uhm,” he scratched his head. “Definitely could have done better, the car could’ve been better, but you know congrats to Charles.”
“I saw the Beckhams in the paddock today. How do you feel about Y/n cheering you on in your garage today?”
“It felt great you know? I’ve always wanted to meet her and her family. I’ve talked to two of the spice girls now so we’re getting close to crossing that off the bucket list.” he laughed.
”Alright, thank you Max,” the interviewer said and he walked off.
✧˖ °. ݁₊ ⊹ . ݁˖ . ݁‧₊˚ . ݁₊ ⊹ . ݁˖ . ݁˖°✧
liked by charlesleclerc, scuderiaferrari, maxverstappen1, and 974,635 more
ynbeckham adorando il mio tempo qui in Italia 🇮🇹 @/charlesleclerc congrats on the win, i know tifosi is proud !! @/maxverstappen1 it was truly great to meet you, i hope we run into each other again soon <3
translation: adoring my time here in italy
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redbullracing we were glad to have you in the paddock yn!
ynbeckham thank you so much for having me <3
judebellingham you better invite me next time
redbullracing @/judebellingham i’ll try my best to🫡
k.mbappe @/redbullracing if you invite him you have to invite the whole team otherwise it’s just unfair
redbullracing it’s just an inchident
user1 oh and you just know max is shaking right now
charles_leclerc he dropped his phone
maxverstappen1 @/charles_leclerc delete this
user2 seems like max won’t be following charles on insta any time soon
user3 i loved seeing her in the paddock today! i don’t think i’ve seen her at any events other than for modeling or footy
user5 hopefully she’ll keep coming back
scuderiaferrari tifosi is definitely proud of charles! i’m sure they’d be happy to see you one day in our garage @/ynbeckham 😉
ynbeckham admin 🤭
redbullracing @/scuderiaferrari stop trying to steal our new mascot you already have leo and now roscoe
liked by lewishamilton, bellahadid, gigihadid, and 1,230,583 more
ynbeckham getting ready for the versace runway
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bellahadid cant wait to see you walk ❤️
judebellingham still upset I wasnt invited but whatever
k.mbappe yeah get in line
user1 you are SO stunning
maxverstappen1 can't wait to see you
ynbeckham 🫶
user2 wait a damn minute max is gonna be there?
user3 or does he just mean see her again in general lmao 😭
user2 @/user3 why would he mean that?
user3 @/user2 I dunno he posts comments like they're private texts
user7 why are we not freaking out over the heart yn posted
user6 maxyn crumbs
✧˖ °. ݁₊ ⊹ . ݁˖ . ݁‧₊˚ . ݁₊ ⊹ . ݁˖ . ݁˖°✧
✧˖ °. ݁₊ ⊹ . ݁˖ . ݁‧₊˚ . ݁₊ ⊹ . ݁˖ . ݁˖°✧
liked by donatella_versace, judebellingham, landonorris, and 2,842,473 more
versace a collection unapologetically positive and authentically Very Versace…
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ynbeckham it was an absolute honor <3
francisca.cgomes you looked stunning 😘
ynbeckham thank you kika 💋
user8 the three of them ate the runway up
landonorris hire me next
ynbeckham I think max would make the perfect model 😍
landonorris ...
user2 shes whipped for him
user3 is she wrong tho
gigihadid great to see you again Lewis <3 its been a long time
♡ by lewishamilton
user7 hang on let them cook
user12 yns dress >>
user5 lewis is completing his side quests rn
judebellingham our girl walked a runway 🥹
vinjir shes all grown up
✧˖ °. ݁₊ ⊹ . ݁˖ . ݁‧₊˚ . ݁₊ ⊹ . ݁˖ . ݁˖°✧
yns insta story
liked by gigihadid, judebellingham, k.mbappe, and 563,493 more
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ynbeckham GUESS WHO HAS A DATE
judebellingham it was about time
user1 whoever it is wife her up
carlossainz55 if i’m the date does that mean we get to go to a madrid game
ynbeckham @/carlossainz55 wow using me for clout much
maxverstappen @/ynbeckham @/carlossainz55 couldn’t be me
user2 MAX 😭
user3 max is putting in the WORK
user5 wait a minute does this mean her date is not max?
user7 wdym?
user5 he didn’t like the post and sure he commented but certainly he wouldn’t still be trying to put moves on her is they were already going out…
user6 @/user5 you better be lying 😭
user10 NO please I need maxyn
liked by landonorris, danielricciardo, oscarpiastri, and 1,539,094 more
maxverstappen1 a much needed vacation before vegas
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user1 max blink twice if you need help 😰
user2 i’m really starting to lose hope in maxyn
user3 why was he at versace then?
user4 i dunno having the seven time world champ and the two current champ contenders there is good for business maybe?
user5 yn is still going to vegas tho
user6 she could just be going there for her mom and geri
user7 guys..
user10 no please they were just flirting in comments like two days ago
✧˖ °. ݁₊ ⊹ . ݁˖ . ݁‧₊˚ . ݁₊ ⊹ . ݁˖ . ݁˖°✧
✧˖ °. ݁₊ ⊹ . ݁˖ . ݁‧₊˚ . ݁₊ ⊹ . ݁˖ . ݁˖°✧
liked by redbullracing, brookylnpeltzbeckham, gerihalliwell, and 1,745,952 more
ynbeckham it’s race weekend! how are we feeling?
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manchesterunited feeling like you abandoned us :/
user10 i can’t believe she’s missing united vs city for this 😔
ynbeckham i have to support my man this comment has been deleted
user1 yn we need a vegas vlog 😩
user2 spice girls reunion go crazy in the chat
gigihadid i’ll see you again soon <3
ynbeckham <3
judebellingham wish i could be there
ynbeckham call me when your season is over
user3 judeyn…
user7 guys what if she’s dating jude
judebellingham @/user7 i can confidently say she’s not
user7 @/judebellingham but what if that’s a cover up 🫣
✧˖ °. ݁₊ ⊹ . ݁˖ . ݁‧₊˚ . ݁₊ ⊹ . ݁˖ . ݁˖°✧
✧˖ °. ݁₊ ⊹ . ݁˖ . ݁‧₊˚ . ݁₊ ⊹ . ݁˖ . ݁˖°✧
liked by redbullracing, ynbeckham, charles_leclerc, and 3,493,595 more
f1 for the second time in a row max vestappen has won the vegas grand prix
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ynbeckham @/maxverstappen1 i’m so proud of you. love you so much ❤️
♡ by maxverstappen1
user3 MAXYN IS REAL
user7 i just dropped my phone
user10 i fell to the ground
user4 this is what we’ve been waiting for
user7 congratulations max 🫶
ynbeckham DU DU DU DU MAX VERSTAPPEN
✧˖ °. ݁₊ ⊹ . ݁˖ . ݁‧₊˚ . ݁₊ ⊹ . ݁˖ . ݁˖°✧
✧˖ °. ݁₊ ⊹ . ݁˖ . ݁‧₊˚ . ݁₊ ⊹ . ݁˖ . ݁˖°✧
max’s insta story
liked by ynbeckham, charles_leclerc, judebellingham, and 1,843,950 more
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francisca.cgomes you two are so cute together 🥹
user1 stop it they’re so adorable
user2 david is being awfully calm right now lol
alexandrasaintmleux we should double date
ynbeckham we’re so there!
ynbeckham love you so much
maxverstappen1 i love you more
liked by bellahadid, haileybieber, victoriabecham, and 2,953,290 more
voguemagazine yn beckham to be on the cover of british vogue
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bellahadid congrats on your first cover i’m so proud 🥹
ynbeckham thank you bella 🫶
user1 she is SO beautiful
rhode come model for us 😍
ynbeckham just say when
user2 your favorite nepo baby’s favorite nepo baby
maxverstappen1 buying every printed issue right now ❤️
ynbeckham stop im blushing 🤭
#𝒍𝒊𝒗'𝒔 𝒘𝒐𝒓𝒌𝒔 ౨ৎ#max verstappen x reader#max verstappen x you#max verstappen x yn#max verstappen x y/n#max verstappen fluff#max verstappen smau#max verstappen imagine#max verstappen fanfic#max verstappen fic#max verstappen#f1 smau#f1 fanfic#f1 fanfiction#f1 fic#f1 x reader#f1 x you#f1 x y/n
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Listened to A Quick One Before The Eternal Worm Devours Connecticut while i was doing the dishes and a wave of intense saddness came over me and i just started tearing up like what the hell did that song trigger in me
#i was in my head too much maybe idk#listening to music with no lyrics sometimes do give u too much time to think
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oscar's a grouch (or is he?)
pairing: oscar piastri x reader
summary: to your knowledge, oscar piastri really doesn't like you. but a night out in monaco makes you realize that maybe you don't know oscar's feelings towards you quite as well as you think you do. (3.7k)
warnings: swearing, unwanted advances from a man (not oscar, don't worry), a smidge of landoscar if u squint really hard
a/n: idk about y'all but this summer break is killing me 😭 i just wanna see my boys on track again is that too much to ask. anyways here's some oscar bc he's been giving literal crumbs lately (except for casually mentioning his broken fucking rib)
You’re not even sure what you're celebrating tonight.
All you know is Lando called you a few hours ago demanding you come to some club with him and a few of his other driver friends, and who were you to deny yourself a fun night out? Especially one where you can put all your drinks on Lando’s tab. (You’re not a gold digger—Lando refuses to let you pay for most things when you go out because he, and you quote, ‘makes a shit ton of money, so why not use it’.)
Now you’re here, sipping the last of your third (fourth maybe?) drink of the night until there’s nothing but ice.
The music blasting through the club is so loud you feel the bass thumping in your chest, and it only gets louder when you venture through the crowd in search of the group you came with.
Somehow you’d gotten separated, but it’s really not too hard to locate them. All you have to do is look for a very tall, very polite looking British man a head taller than everyone else, and then you’ve found George Russell.
He spots you too, beckoning you over into the VIP section with a cool nod of his head. All the other drivers are around too—Carlos winks at you over the rather brightly patterned mini umbrella in his drink, Max tips his glass at you as you make your way by.
Charles and Oscar sit together on a sofa further into the section, seeming deep in conversation, but look up as you pass them. The Monegasque reaches up to give you a fist bump, and Oscar just blinks at you, taking a measured swig of his beer. You fight the urge to sigh at his standoffishness.
Over the years, Lando’s friends have quickly become your friends too, but Oscar Piastri is an enigma you have yet to crack. You know he’s on the quieter side because Lando had warned you of it before you’d met Oscar for the first time, but you weren’t expecting completely and totally icy.
The Oscar that Lando always talks about excitedly is an entirely different person than the Oscar you’ve become familiar with.
It seems like he can barely look you in the eye whenever you try to make small talk with him, and you don’t think you’ve ever been alone with him because he always finds a way to slip away before you can even try to make a genuine connection with him.
What makes things even better (read: worse) is that despite all that, you’ve grown a small crush on Oscar. You’re not sure how, and you’re not sure why, but that doesn’t make your feelings any less real. You’ve accepted that this is just the way things will always be with him, you with a pesky crush and him not wanting anything to do with you.
You find Lando quickly, bopping around to the beat of the song playing without a care in the world. He looks like he’s having the time of his life, and when he spots you, he positively beams, waving wildly at you.
“Hey, you!” He exclaims. “How are you? I love you!”
“I love you too!” You chuckle. “I was gonna get another drink, d’you want anything?”
“What?” He yells, brows furrowing. “You’re gonna dye your hair pink?”
“Another drink, dummy! Do you want another drink?” You make sure he’s looking at you this time, over-enunciating your words, so he’ll understand them. He narrows his eyes at you in the dim lighting but gets the gist of your question, perking up at the possibility of yet another drink.
“More vodka shots, baby! One for you, one for me! No, one for everyone!” He giggles, slinging an arm around your shoulders.
His movement is so enthusiastic he nearly tips the two of you over, stumbling on his feet clumsily. You’re quick to push him back into an upright position, grimacing with effort as you trudge over to the nearest sofa and deposit him onto the seat unceremoniously.
“Oh, this is nice,” He sighs, stroking the leather dreamily. “I should—I should get one of these for my place. D’you think they’d let me take it home?”
“I really don’t think so, Lan,” You reply, amused. “Stay here. Don’t leave this sofa.”
Lando groans, tilting his head back against the cushions. “Okay, mum. God!”
Right, so maybe he doesn’t need those extra shots after all.
You shoot him one more stern look before leaving him behind and heading for the bar, quietly tasking Carlos with making sure Lando doesn’t do anything stupid while you’re gone.
There’s an empty spot at the bar when you approach, and you slide in, fingers tapping on the countertop idly as you wait for the bartender to finish up other drinks.
“Hey.”
You glance to your left to see a man you don’t recognize, smiling at you.
“Hi.” You say back, pressing your lips into a polite smile. You’re hoping that’ll be the end of the conversation, because you’re not really in the mood to be talking to someone you don’t know when all you’re trying to do is order something.
“What’s a pretty thing like you doing all alone in a club like this?” His eyes rake over you from head to toe as he says it, shamelessly checking you out with a glint in his eye that makes you feel dirty.
You take a small, calculated step backward, and much to your dismay, he takes that as an invitation to inch forward. “I’m with a group of friends.”
“Are they all as attractive as you?” He must think he’s being smooth, but it just makes you even more uncomfortable.
“Pretty sure they’re not your type,” You reply flatly. “Unless you’re into dudes.”
The man’s nostrils flare, like you’re accusing him of something absurd. “I’m not. I’ve only dated girls. Really hot girls.”
“Uh…good for you? I don’t really—”
“What’s your name? I bet it’s something sexy.”
“Y’know, my friends are probably wondering where I am, so I’m just gonna—”
“What’s the rush, sweetheart? I’m just trying to get to know you,” He drawls, stroking clammy fingers over the back of your hand. You yank it away, reaching up to adjust the strap of your top just so he wasn’t touching you anymore. Maybe a little bit harsh, but the vibe you’re getting from him isn’t good at all.
“I have a boyfriend,” You reply stiffly. It’s a boldfaced lie, but you're hoping you sound convincing enough to get this guy off your case. He’s starting to make you nervous.
He takes an overdramatic look at your surroundings before focusing back on you, shrugging. “I don’t see one.”
As if the universe is presenting you with a way out, you spot Oscar walking by at that very second, and before you can think you're grabbing his hand, tugging him towards you. He comes willingly, but looks slightly confused as you tuck yourself close to him.
He’s definitely not your first choice, but right now you don't think you can afford to be picky. At least it's someone you know.
You pop up on your tiptoes to wrap your arms around his neck, lips almost pressed to his cheek as you whisper, “Please play along.”
His eyes flick between you and your unwanted conversation partner, and for a moment you think he might blow your cover, but he slides an arm around you after you turn back around, resting his hand on the small of your back.
You force yourself to ignore the effect it has on you, instead opting to press a little more into his side. His torso is firm under your trembling hands, tense if anything, but the steady rise and fall of his level breathing provides comfort.
“We got a problem here, mate?” Oscar’s voice sounds more serious than you've ever heard it, and when you look up at him, he looks downright scary. He towers over both you and the guy you're desperately trying to get rid of, brow furrowed, jaw set. You’re glad that look has never been aimed at you.
The guy shifts nervously on his feet, but still holds his ground. Not a good idea, anyone with an ounce of common sense could see that. “No problems, just trying to have a friendly conversation.”
“Doesn’t look very friendly to me. Looks like you’re bothering my girlfriend.”
“Dunno what to tell you, mate. We were just chatting, weren’t we, sweetheart?”
You wrinkle your nose in disgust, feeling safe enough to do so tucked under Oscar’s arm like you are right now. This guy might be a fucking creep, but he’s not stupid enough to go up against Oscar. “No.”
He glowers at you, and you feel Oscar’s palm come around, curling around your waist protectively. “Seems like that’s settled then. I reckon you should leave now.” Oscar’s tone leaves absolutely no room for discussion.
Is it wrong that you find it hot?
“Fine. Don’t need to waste my time on bitches anyways.”
Oscar stiffens. He moves forward like he’s about to throw a punch, but you’re quicker, splaying your palm over his very sturdy chest to stop him before he does anything rash. You don’t think it’ll go over too well with McLaren higher ups if they learn that one of their drivers got into a fight at a club.
“He’s not worth it, Osc,” You say softly. He looks down at you, sees the look in your eyes, and his posture relaxes just a little bit. You’re not sure how long the two of you hold each other’s gaze, but when you finally tear your eyes away from his, the guy is long gone.
Only then do you step away from Oscar, straightening yourself out as much as you can given how things could’ve ended had he not been there to save your ass. He steps away too. With the guy no longer around, there’s no reason for you to be that close together.
“You alright?” He mumbles, rubbing at the back of his neck awkwardly. Even in the dim lighting of the club, you can see how red his cheeks are.
“Yeah. Fine. That guy was just really freaking me out.”
“Are you sure? That you’re okay, I mean. ‘Cause yeah, that guy was a creep.”
“Total creep,” You agree, bobbing your head. “But I’m sure. I’m, uh, I’m sorry for putting you on the spot like that. I don’t know what I would’ve done had you not been there, so…thank you. I know it was probably a little hard for you, but thanks anyways.”
That last part was likely not necessary, but you’re a smidge tipsy right now. You’ll blame your loose lips on the alcohol.
Oscar’s brow pinches in the middle, head tilting in confusion. “What?”
“Pretending to be my boyfriend. Pretending to like me.”
“Why would that be hard for me?”
“Uh, I dunno, maybe ‘cause you don’t.”
“You—wait, you think I don’t like you?” Oscar looks truly befuddled at your insinuation, and you frown, because from your side of things, it’s pretty damn clear.
“I’m not, like, upset or hurt, or anything. You have a right to dislike whoever you want, I don’t care,” You shrug, craning your neck to look for the bartender.
“It’s not true.”
You hum absentmindedly, not really paying attention to his words. Where was that damn bartender? You need that drink, now. Oscar’s fingers wrap around your forearm loosely, but tight enough to grab your attention again. “What?”
“I don’t…not like you.”
“I said I don’t care, Oscar. You don’t have to try and make me feel better. It’s fine,” You assure him. You really wish he’d stop pushing the subject. “Just drop it, yeah? Thanks for the save, you can go back to the group now.”
He regards you blankly for a long few seconds, then he opens his mouth, and just when you think he’s about to say something, it snaps shut. Then he pivots on his heel and starts to walk away. You roll your eyes, turning back to the bar. After all this, you definitely need another drink. Preferably a strong one.
Maybe you’ll get those shots Lando wanted after all.
The bartender finally spots you and you sigh in relief, glad and ready to finally get what you came for, but before you can get a word out, you’re being dragged away by the hand.
You nearly scream, your mind jumping to the worst conclusion before your gaze lands on the same broad shoulders, the same head of brown hair that had just left you not seconds ago. It’s Oscar pulling you through the crowd, and even though you’re beyond relieved, you’re also confused and a little bit pissed off.
“What’re you—hey! Oscar!” You have to shout over the pulsing music, but either he can’t hear you or he’s choosing to ignore you, because he doesn’t stop.
He muscles through the crowd with surprising ease with you stumbling along behind him until you’re outside the club, in some sort of private patio area. There’s no one else out here and you’re glad for it, because you have half a mind to yell at him.
Oscar drops your hand, running his fingers through his hair, and when he looks up, you detect confliction in those big brown eyes of his. It almost derails your thought process, but you scowl.
“What is your problem?” You snap, folding your arms over your chest angrily.
“You think I don’t like you.”
You squeeze your eyes shut, pinching the bridge of your nose. “This again? Fucking hell, I told you to forget about it, Oscar. I meant that.”
“No, I’m not gonna—you said it, so you obviously meant it. I wanna know why,” He insists. “Why do you think I don’t like you?”
“Maybe because you haven’t exactly given me anything else to go off of? You always brush me off when I try to talk to you, and when I do get you to have a conversation with me, you can barely look me in the eye. And I swear, it’s like you find every excuse to not be around me.”
You can’t resist the urge to allow a slightly bitter sounding laugh escape you because, fuck, no matter how many times you tell yourself that you don’t care what Oscar thinks of you, that you don’t give a crap about how it looks like he’s only this way with you, you do care.
You care so much it makes you want to scream into the void. You shouldn’t care, but you do.
“So you can say that it’s not true, you can tell me I’m wrong all you want, but I’m just telling it as I see it.”
Oscar blinks at you again in that way he always does when you talk, the way that makes you want to smack him upside the head but also kiss him senseless too, just to see if he’d react differently.
“I’m an idiot,” He says. You press your lips together. There won’t be any denying that fact from you.
He groans, tipping his back towards the sky. “I’m an idiot. It’s not because I don’t like you. It’s—” He pauses, sighing. Crossing his arms, uncrossing them, weighing his options. “It’s because I do like you. A lot. I like you to the point where I don’t know how to act around you without the fear I might do or say something stupid, and then you’ll think I’m a dickhead.”
“So you thought completely icing me out was…you not being a dickhead?”
He wrinkles his nose, like he's just realized what his actions must’ve looked like to an outside party. “Oh. That’s not what I meant to….fuck, you must think I’m such a—”
“Dickhead?” You supply helpfully. He nods, shoulders slumping.
You’re used to long stretches of silence with Oscar, but this one feels different. Now that you know he doesn’t totally hate your guts, the silence isn’t totally unbearable. He steps closer, watching you, gauging your reaction to his movements like you’re some sort of unpredictable creature.
If anything, Oscar’s the unpredictable one.
“So…” You start, tilting your head. “You like me?”
Oscar exhales sharply, nodding. “Guess it might be a bit of a shocker, but I do.”
“And you already know I like you.”
“I’ve noticed, yeah,” He says, lips quirking up into a small smile. “What do we do now?”
“Maybe we take things slow. Get to know each other first, ‘cause I dunno if you’ve noticed, but one of us spent a lot of time ignoring the other,” You lilt, half joking. Oscar rolls his eyes playfully, but nods his agreement nonetheless. “I think for now, we should get back inside. I’ve got to make sure Lando hasn’t tried to steal the sofa from right out the section.”
Oscar’s nose scrunches, head cocking to the side in bewilderment. “I’m sorry, what?”
“It’s a long story. I’ll tell you about it another time.”
“How about tomorrow over dinner?” He blurts, running a hand through his hair. It flops right back into place, one stray curl hanging over his forehead that he doesn’t seem to notice as he smiles hopefully at you.
“I’d like that.”
“Yeah?”
“Duh.”
His smile grows bigger, pushing up his cheeks so much it makes his eyes crinkle at the edges. You’ve never been the receiver of this smile before, and now that you are, you never want him to stop smiling at you like this. “Okay. Okay, cool. I’ll text you.”
“Don’t you need my number for that?”
“Oh, I’ve uh, I’ve got it already. I nabbed it from Lando’s phone a while ago. Just in case I gathered up the courage to message you. Which I didn’t, as you could probably tell,” He replied, letting out a breathy chuckle. “I wanted to though. I just—I didn’t know what to say.”
“How’d you get into his phone?”
He snorts this time, raising a brow at you. “His password’s 4444. Not exactly mission impossible.”
You really need to have a talk with your friend about Internet safety one of these days.
The aforementioned friend throws his hands up into the air when he spots you making your way back into the section as soon as you re-enter the club, bouncing over to you to wrap you in a giant hug. Lando mumbles something you can’t understand into your ear and giggles, then spots Oscar lingering behind you and positively screeches, reaching to pull him into the hug too.
You don’t have time to get your arms out of where they’re trapped against your sides in Lando’s surprisingly vice-like grip before Oscar stumbles forward into your back at his friend’s harsh tug, cheek smushing against the top of your head. The muttered sorry he offers you does nothing to quell your rocket fast heartbeat at being this close to him for the first time.
“Look at us!” Lando hiccups, squeezing you both as tight as he can. Not an easy feat when you’re hugging two people at once. He bumps his forehead against yours gently to draw your attention back to him. (More like lightly headbutted, but you remain un-concussed so you won’t hold it against him.) “Hey, you’re in a papaya sandwich!”
Oscar’s low chuckle vibrates through his chest and you feel it rumble through you too. You also feel his pinky curl around your own, thumb pressing against the inside of your wrist tenderly.
It’s a subtle gesture, one that might not seem like much to anyone else, but you’ve gone from sort of acquaintances to something a little more than friends in the span of less than an hour.
Are you even friends now? You can’t even answer that. You like him and he likes you, but the only time you’ve ever spent together has been around other people.
Still, only two points of contact—you’re not even holding hands and you think you might spontaneously combust.
But you have to play it cool.
The good thing about drunk Lando is that his attention span is close to zero, so he quickly grows bored of sandwiching you into a McLaren hug and wanders off again, most likely in search of another drink. You feel like it would be a good idea to stop him but you plop onto the nearest couch instead, letting your head tip against the back of it.
To your surprise, Oscar motions for you to scooch over, slotting himself into the extra space you create. There’s a respectful distance left between yourselves, but then he leans towards you to be heard over the music.
“Your pulse was racing.”
“Gee, I wonder why,” You muse. “Definitely not because of how I feel about you.”
“Ha ha. You’re funny.”
“See what you’ve been missing out on all this time?” You joke, head lolling to the side to grin at him.
“I see it.” He’s looking at you unabashedly already, eyes drinking you in like he’s parched and you’re water. The intensity of his gaze sends a shiver down your spine, and god, you want to kiss him so bad right now.
Instead you take a deep breath, fixing him to the spot with a pointed look. “Stop staring, or you’ll draw attention.”
Oscar startles like he wasn’t aware he was staring that hard at you, mumbling out another apology before retreating back to his own bubble of space stiffly.
You feel a tad guilty now. You didn’t mean to sound so harsh, but you and Oscar haven’t even begun to understand what you are to each other yet, and the last thing you want is the driver rumor mill to start spinning its wheels about your budding relationship before you even knew if there was going to be a relationship. It’s the kind of thing you want to keep under wraps until the two of you figure things out.
Sighing lightly, you slide your hand along the empty space separating you, curling your pinky around his the same way he did earlier. Part of you expects he’ll shy away, so when he reciprocates the action, you’re pleasantly relieved.
There’s still quite a bit of getting to know each other to be done, but you’re excited to see what this next chapter with Oscar holds.
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