#maybe even some pride ones too
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got bored and decided to do more icons
have some belgium icons from world stars chapters 470 - 471
transparents here too!
#mayaposts#hetalia#hetalia world stars#hetalia axis powers#axis powers hetalia#icons#hetalia icons#hetalia belgium#hws belgium#aph belgium#might make more later#maybe even some pride ones too
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Wardrobe Appreciation
↳ Esteban Flores (Elena of Avalor)
#elena of avalor#esteban flores#chancellor esteban#this gifset is entirely about his little sailing/archeology/adventure outfit#that's why it has pride of place in the middle#realistically i know that he is really not THAT much more underdressed than in any of his other outfits#but to me; he is still in a delightfully shameful state of deshabille comparatively:#his neck exposed because he has *gasp* no cravat and has unbuttoned his shirt two whole buttons#the yellow sash belt that clearly has no other purpose except to remind us that his waist is snatched#no longcoat to partially cover his hips and the back of his legs? the brazen audacity. I need some pearls to clutch#moment of silence for all of the cute little potential esteban fits we never got to see on the show#at the very least; we were owed a nice little Navidad look in the snowbound ep#maybe a nice green jacket and/or one with little embroidered poinsetta accents to match elena's dress?#a carnaval fit would've been gr8 too; even gabe of all people got one (tho esteban still has more outfits than him overall so it even outs)#i would say that esteban should have a dias de los muertos outfit too (maybe matching francisco's)#but that would require the writers actually putting him in said episodes to begin with#i mean; i get it#it's not like he has any lost loved ones that he might hypothetically want to remember on day of the dead--OH WAIT!!!#i mean word of god is that he's visiting his parents' altars off-screen; but it would've been nice if we could've seen this once#even if he's just shown briefly in the background#also i *hate* that the shuriki era uniform looks so good on him#i mean she's still a monster and was definitely a hell of a boss to him#but dang; the woman has quite the sartorial eye#and you'll never not convince me that her chancellor looking excellent in black#isn't the entire reason the palace guards wear black too#she knows how to coordinate a retinue#esteban flores: assigned goth at conquest#poor thing#lucky (or is it unlucky?) he carries it off so well
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g*lmar rly has to be the best skajrim character on the real like even if you don't like him he just is . literally The best one i think......... on dat note i also imagine that he and ulfr*c despite being fairydust BFFs for lyfe genuinely have the worst communication skills ever seen
#text#but i already talked about how g*lmar is weird about ulfr*c anyways#literally jubilant and feeling special cus he's the only person ulfr*c actually trusts and speaks to outside of formal conversations#he's a very manly man too (like N*loth) for wanting to just control everything... well actually having ulfr*c under 'control' is enough 4 -#- him. unlike n*loth who wants to be above everything that moves. literally not about him tho#i hope that other st*rmcloaks develop a habit of going to hide downstairs in the palace whenever they can tell the vibe between -#- g*lmar and ulfr*c is off because they're gonna be yelling at each other and throwing shit around for 40 minutes in a few seconds#i don't believe they'd fight insanely often but being at an active war probably gets them heated more. Often than usual; and their -#- conflicts are never resolved. i feel like they just don't talk to each other for a good 2 days and act like nothing happened#they're way too manly and prideful to actually let the other one 'win' so they just don't say anything ever post-arguing#Tbhs g*lmar actually really likes that ulfr*c is so unstable and harrowed because it makes himself feel very good and reliable -#- but he has his limits 😂LMFAOO i bet sometimes he gets really tired of him being so traumatized. very rarely but he does think about it#i'll have to desribe that a bit better later tho... don't know how to word it atm#but maybe he wants to punch him or something BYE. no...... 💔savage as hell#he likes it in a very general sense of ulfr*c's personality especially between them but doesn't like it when it causes them to clash#this might just be mostly ulfr*c's doing cus i doubt he's actually talkative about his past issues and Troubles (torture mayhem) and -#- can't communicate anything about it or set boundaries when needed. he just gets mad or very avoidant. No fixing that tho#well it's just shameful to him so he'd rather do nothing than even admit anything to anyone Everrrrr#why does his life suck so bad LMFAOOOOOOOOO#their nasty musty mutualism .. leeching off your traumatized Bff so that he can make you feel good by saying he needs you in particular#while U pay him back with some support.......SOME#Oh well#that zero communication between some sk*rim characters looks yammy as fuck to me. A;lways. ALWAYS#nelvas is power dynamic induced...... g*lmar&&ulfr*c trauma-caused... elituli Um😂 t*llius doesn't even know any hobbies she has#bye this is why they're serving so hard
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Every time I think about how the Colleen Hoover fangirlies get mad when people even suggest that they should try and diversify their portfolios I get really, really sad. Like I don't think you have to read classics or anything and be an elite snob but if you limit yourself to just Colleen Hoover and maybe Sarah J Maas and a few other popular booktok authors, you're missing out on so so much. Even if you just want to find good new releases, keeping up with the book of the month club will give you plenty of options (even if you can't subscribe to them and have to get them from the library). Diversify your portfolio. Read older mass market paperback romances or literally anything else.
#shay speaks#anti colleen hoover#anti coho#do i put this in the coho tags too............#do i want more drama from that anon who clearly doesnt have any reading comprehension#anyway for any of u coho stannies stalking the anti coho tags.#i'm not saying this to be elitist#literally one of my favorite books from last year is a mass market paperback romance novel from 2008#the classics are like any other genre of books. you'll love some and hate others#and maybe actually try reading pride and prejudice without swapping out the names for your blorbos#and sitting with the themes of it. maybe you wont like it! maybe you will! only way to find out is to actually read it#even reading books you end up not liking can help you figure out your taste better#and you can think about what works for you and what doesnt from them#but please branch out.#anyway i'm done. i'm having another moment i just feel really bad for people who never bother to try things that#werent released in the last 5 years. go find some stuff on thrift books for cheap#probably my favorite way to find books
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y'know maybe it's fitting that i never finished the adhd sans comic
a comic about
executive dysfunction in adhd
left unfinished bc of executive dysfunction in adhd
#jus realized this n it's hilarious#idk maybe i will get back to it at some point#but i don't rly have high hopes rn#i did find pride in representing him in a way u don't see often#a part of adhd that's not talked abt enough#'n a lot of ppl don't even know exists#i do wanna explore more representation with him#but i think i'll stick with little comics#ones i can get done in one post#'n tic too#needa draw/finish som lil comics abt his tourette's#(but even th little comics i find hard to finish :'>#idk how i got as far as i did with th adhd sans comic)#didderd talks
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ive been disillusioned with a lot of the left for a while, it's nice to at least see that other ppl see it now, though the reason why kinda fucking sucks.
#i used to think i could trust ppl bc of pride flags in their profile or them being trans or whatever#and then i put allll of my trust in that community not realizing theres a Multitudes of types of ppl in it#aside from even the fact some trans ppl can be nazis- some trans people- as much as it might make us look bad to admit-#are also predators and abusers and want to lie to you and use you for money and sexually abuse you and dump you like trash#and then accuse you of doing everything they did @u@;; ask me how i know!#so on the one hand im happy ppl see it now- it's not that leftists or queer ppl or feminists are better ppl- ppl more worthy to trust-#they're just as diverse and as good and as shitty as any other demographic of people.#you're gonna find shitty people everywhere. obviously you're more likely to find predators on the right but that doesnt mean theres not#plenty on the left too.#at a certain point calling yourself 'on the left' doesnt mean much aside from idk. thinking ppl need basic human rights?#and even then its apparent that some leftists dont think that. so who can say. maybe you wont misgender me? but nah- you will#if i disagree w you or if we get in a fight- i've seen plenty of leftists do this.#i just think the term is useless now.#i think the left is about to fracture into different groups at this point#anyways be weary traveler of ever putting all of ye trust into any group of people.#its possible to like ppl and enjoy being around them and still not fully trust them. and if something tells you to gtfo? you should#also putting all your trust in a group of ppl is a one way ticket into possibly joining a cult on accident#or at the very least a culty friendgroup
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going through instagram and part of the sadness is seeing people from my high school and knowing i'll probably never see any of them again.
#vagueblogging is vague#sb and l rambles#yes that's kinda the best part but also#:( no one else lived through those times with me#i knew some of these people for seven years and now a lot of them are queer and we can't even talk about it#maybe i post a pride picture or two. just to say Hey Me Too#phone call with one of my best high school friends cannot come soon enough
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going to a comedy open mic tomorrow mostly to watch my friends (it's at a cool venue that my improv troupe performs at once a month and a few improv troupe friends are doing standup there) but when these friends were asking if i'd be interested in coming they were like "btw there's usually a ton of open spots on show days if YOU want to do something... and they're not strict about it only being standup either, people have done character pieces and sketches etc like they embrace the weirdness... and they're not strict about time limits you could probably do anything between three and eight minutes... sometimes if there's not enough people signed up they'll even let you go twice..." and i'm like god damn it i thought i was gonna take a break from aubrey but this setup is like tailor made for an aubrey appearance lmao
#still on the fence about it bc the burnout i experienced at the beginning of may extended to aubrey#especially bc so much of my aubrey stuff is comedy about gender and my brain was more in ''set everything on fire'' mode#and i think i've gotten to a good place with that burnout but i still haven't worked on any aubrey stuff since i got home from college#but even still even tho my mental health is better than it was a few weeks ago#recently i have had this horrible insomnia where i haven't been able to fall asleep at night in over a week#(i've made up for it with naps but still i am not mentally 100% rn. i've tried so many things and nothing has worked.)#so that's my justification for *not* doing aubrey tomorrow. however.#i reeeally need to get more performance experience bc there's only so much you can develop a sketch character without performing them#and this venue is so good. it's an art gallery like an hour away that's designed to be part gallery and part performance venue#especially for comedy. like the venue owner is this veteran comedian who used to work with bobcat goldthwait and a lot of other big names#and it's a low-pressure environment bc everyone there has seen me do comedy before with my improv troupe#but they still haven't seen me do aubrey at all so it's bringing a new side of my comedy to some of my main collaborators#like this is so much better than my previous aubrey performances bc they were all either#1. shows in CLASSROOMS with a bunch of my classmates who generally don't get my comedy (very clique-ish)#or 2. a guest spot on a show at a coffee shop where everyone knew each other except me#plus the biggest thing for me is the lack of a strict time limit. like as much as having a good 3-minute monologue can be#i think aubrey is a character you need to get to know a bit longer than 3 minutes. and a lot of my stuff is long while also being very tigh#like not every monologue is like this but my best aubrey monologues are almost like aubrey is telling you a sitcom storyline#and removing too many lines makes the whole narrative jenga tower fall over#and as much as i want to figure out how to make every monologue a good starting point#having the chance to perform multiple monologues if i get to go twice so that they can build off each other would be perfect#idk i'm not sure how often the open mics are there. at least monthly tho i might be missing next month's depending on when i'm in toronto#so like this wouldn't really be my only chance. but yeah i'm on the fence about whether to bring aubrey back for a performance tomorrow#i probably wouldn't do new material. i'd do the 5 minute version of my uncle reg monologue bc it's the one that's worked best so far#and if i get to do multiple. maybe i'd do the ''nom de plum'' monologue bc i think it's also very strong#and it has a good callback to uncle reg#but idk i also think doing the song would be very fun and on-theme since it's pride month and the song is a satire of rainbow capitalism#tho i'd probably have to rework the monologue that leads into the song bc even tho i loved the concept i don't think i articulated it well#or i could write an entirely different lead-in and make the previous monologue (''C/H/M'') a separate thing to revise later#which would probably go better and somehow be less work to write. but even so i don't know what the venue's sound setup is
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similar to the greentext stuff - i was visiting with my neighbors and their grandkids were around, and I said to this eight year old, "Hey, you wanna know something cool? I was playing the game when the Endermen came out." and his eyes went wide, like this kid looked like i told him i landed on the moon. His grandma thought it was really funny, and she said she has no idea what i'm talking about, but her grandbabies do, and that's incredible to her.
oh that's fun lmao, when minecraft & that update's existed for more than your whole life, and yknow being that young and like Next Year fr is this huge time scale away, a couple of years is a quarter of your life thus far and like maybe nigh half of the part of your life you actually have longterm memories for....i was checking out this dev's blog's archives about a:tdd's release in 2010 & in one entry they compared the implicitly Roughly concurrent release of Minecraft and i was like hey whoah. forever primarily being a game i've Heard Of more than any more direct exposure so i had no precise sense of [before minecraft release] [after minecraft release] Year 0 there but it's like for sure back in thee day when minecraft was a new thing, huh
#add in that [i also basically Heard Of mass effect but that's a game series w/a 2010 median which i had Any knowledge abt already]#so i have that reference point for a still like [niche video for When You've Played These Games For Sure] there but then like#if you were ten or even 5 yrs younger at the time you May Well Be much more at sea as your starting point there#(but i mean not that much; i didn't know a ton. reread those wikipedia plot summaries myself)#enderman came out? happy pride#shoutout to this one time i crossed paths w/this kid who was at the time probably like late middle school early high school age#who started talking abt pokemon like Clearly A Big Interest and i'm like my only Direct experience is playing pokemon go but i know Some#stuff b/c i was 5 in '99 when it was first making that huge splash lol. can make Some remarks....but also just Listening Attentively To You#Monologue like uh huh go off....i sure remember like the Sense of a couple yr's sagacity like being 9 i think reading a book abt 6th or 7th#graders (i.e. two or three yrs older) like My God They Must Be So Mature....#and like ofc when skimming passages as an adult it's like omg l'enfants. Both Perspectives Being Accurate respectively lol#my vintage experiences like i've def saved things on the floppy discs of [save icons imagery]. have heard the dialup tones organically....#but also; say; Home Computers That You Didn't Really Need To Know Much Abt Computers To Use were forever an everyday thing for me#having been born mid '90s....vs like in the '80s being nicher but also like. the programs to amateur code not being As Complex either#like [working on cars] of yore vs more modernly lmao....plus ofc in their designs; opening up a desktop Tower vs what? a tablet??#ppl my age who had more substantial Online Access earlier than i did maybe having at least picked up some html; which i did not lol#also didn't have too much Gamer Experience ever; what i did largely desktop then laptop pc wasd+mouse style....#didn't have a smartphone till maybe 5 yrs after they were starting to become more commonplace#vs that again to an 8 yr old of today [commonplacer smartphones] is your whole life basically too. i remember when we flipped those phones.#(i do fr lol. did have one of those first for a good while.)#granpa granpa....mh being fourteen yrs old meaning like the Teen Fans of Today were probably not watching it as it aired lol#whereas i Was that teen fan of those yesteryears. and all my stories for it like fuckin uhhhhhh [crickets chirping] [studio audience laugh]#though You Don't Need The Fans like mh is a long movie ppl can newly discover Whenever that holds up; plus it has bonus lore#mostly what i could even Possibly bring is just the particularly nicher older bonus lore. but like grandpa simpson (the simpsons) for sure#which is to say: humorously irrelevant & perhaps somewhat cantankerous#whilest i'm vaguely aware there may have also been that minecraft resurgence (esp through streaming?) from 2020 on....#but evidently Like Mh something that continually revives / takes on New Fans / Participants#for sure i might well be playing some tf2 myself if i had the technical capability (i would have the poor personal ability i always did lol#real games of yore but it never gets old also. though i know Of Late there was a bot problem / just neglected maintenance? that get fixed?#These Have Been The Tag Tangents. maxed out thirty tags i know that's right
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Okay ik the fandom had it's problems and i would NOT be interested in a do-over of the whole thing
But
I am SO glad i was a ds/m/p fan, I'm so glad whatever little freak in my head that decides my hyperfixations picked that one, because it did me SO much good
#moss mumbles#i made friends bc of it#i MET MY PARTNERS bc of it#(literally i started speaking to dunia bc i had a specific artists c!tu/bbo pride icon. isn't that insane?!?)#i suddenly had a LOT of people with adhd and autism to look up to. a lot of queer people to look up to#and of course i have to mention.#finding tec/hnoblades channel was like. one of the best things that ever happened to me no joke#oh my god AND. there were so many amazing artists in that community?!?!? like there are in most fandoms but the creativity?!?!?#you'd be inclined to think that the minec/raft skins would maybe be limiting but they were the COMPLETE OPPOSITE#and SAD-ist?!?!?!#a HUGE inspiration for me and i never would've started watching her videos if it weren't for the d/sm/p#anyway all this being said. some of the creators in there were problematic and they kind of suck.#but there were so many good creators on there too#and those are the ones im glad i found#even if i dont watch a lot of them anymore
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hmmm. oh my god my mind is a mess i rlly can't write what i want to rn but i will just Dump
#🌙.vents#YEAH HONESTLY OKAY one reason why fiction comforts me so much is. it teach me so much n let me live through so much more#these characters i. relating to them n seeing parts of myself in them is just. yk rlly comforting bcs i'm. very not social irl.#i get anxious. n typically i find that.. most ppl in like my class or my school or wtvr. yk everyone is interesting n has depth but#i find them. a bit too simple for me. ah.. yeah uhm. sorry remove the 'a bit' it's. by far. so.#hermes rlly. to me bcs he's like. different. felt alone for it. but.. he's intelligent he's valued n. theres a lot of ways to look at it bu#yh then he stands up n does smth for himself for once n he makes mistakes n then after that he sort of just gives up on that part of himsel#'internalizes the lies' THAT PART HURT SO MUCH OKAY. but.. yk fitting in n being 'normal' or wtvr gives a lot of ppl more comfort#but for me it hurts yes but i'd much rather face life for what it is. who i am who i really am. fuck if it's lonely for me#smth from the 1975 w matty on religion? sorry as well i'm.. really not religious. i respect it but please. i'm really not religious.#it would.. be easier yeah if we did believe in some divine being right? believing that there is salvation. that. there's.. yeah#i really just can't bring myself to believe in that. on religion i rmb rn even when i was younger like in lower school even i rlly thought#abt logic behind it. i questioned n wondered why people believed in religion. i really as. very curious abt stuff n life n all that#n growing up i've never really let the outside world influence me too much. no i pride myself in really staying true to myself.#so last year hurt sm bcs i really felt like i was restraining myself too much. i can't exactly pinpoint it rn okay i'm emotional rn but#i rlly felt like my freedom to be myself was stuck somewhere. n then stuff n 'talking too much' so tumblr became yh for me bcs#i don't want to isolate myself but i just.. can't do some things bcs of anxiety? or wtvr there's a lot n then there's also. uh#i still do crave vulnerability n belonging but how do i say this#it's really important to me that. i realize i open up more to ppl that also are able to open up as well. ppl who are like me.#like apollo n online friends n i love my irls too n i hate this bcs yh fine maybe i'm a bit of a ppl pleaser but it's more in a way that#i don't want to be misunderstood. i don't want to hurt anyone. so irl i generally tend to.. hide or restrain myself#take note of 'generally'. but i won't touch on that right now. i think i've been misunderstood before so that's why im sensitive to this#bcs. still having that love n care can coexist with still knowing myself n what works better for me bcs it's so crazy actually how w#several ppl i met last year esp the ones i only know online i cld open up to them more easily bcs they Too can do that n it just#feels so lonely irl i'm just dumping rn it's like nearly 1 am n i'll probably delete this tmrrw bcs i think i'm a bit frustrated right now#not that it's anyone's fault. i'm just. confused right now w myself but i don't mean anything bad by all this okay#i want to just. write. a fictional story rn to calm myself. doing things for myself surely isn't selfish. being myself isn't selfish right?#i can be kind to myself right now too. like other times before. so i will be kind. yes i will be.#there's sm in my head i rlly wish i cld write them all but such is the limit of being human. not too bad tho bcs i have stuff to do#i'll get that done rq n then i'll let myself rest though. until i sleep i'll let myself be at peace n rest c:
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What do you feel about Gardenview?
Oh, Gardenview... it was alright while it was going on. I was assigned to stay at the library, where kids would come and I would tell them stories! The other toons handle teaching the kids about their specific traits, but I do teach them about general knowledge! However... what was going on behind the scenes wasn't as... good as my experience working. We weren't that seen... actually, Shelly often hangs out with Tisha because for some odd reason, the 5 other mains are their priority. They aren't that great... sometimes just straight up ignoring some of us.
the company's a whole bunch of people who would do ballyhoo with their shops. had to keep a close eye to the ones near our station, 'cause they like to rack up the prices for the movies. they're shady as all hell, checking up on our stations every few hours like vultures waiting for their next meal.
Kehehe... I slightly hmm, despise them. They were the ones who brought us here without any warning! And they also were the ones who developed the first kinds of the dark ichor. When I entered this world, I was coddled by them! Always scolding me about small pranks like I'm just a child! Well sorry, but your talking to a grown adult here! And then they have the nerve to just defend and just... I don't know, act as if I still am a child! What the fuck! Kehehe, sure our lives are fine and all, but sometimes the mains are checked so much we feel like we're suffocating over here! It was a prison there, I tell you!
My whole existence was just for a simple episode. Something that should've been temporary. Yet, they were lazy with 'fixing' me, saying that I am perfectly fine to just act. It's not that simple, and I can't act like Goob would because I was the damn opposite of him. We may be the same person, yes, but I've developed different views ever since that... curse came around. It was going to be temporary, it should've been temporary, yet the company decided to leave me be instead of bringing the cure with them.
...They were negligent to us. They given us the handlers, yes, but once we weren't the main toons, they barely did anything with us. Any problems? No solution made. Curio still has his handle on the wrong side. It's not that he's angry about it, but it shows that the company barely practiced with their machines, taking people from other universes and then putting them in bodies not correct, saying that they are 'minor issues'. Some of them are supposed to be temporary, so Gardenview: what do you mean Tisha and Teagan stay purple? What do you mean the Vintage toons would still look like they haven't escaped the vintage world? They were careful with everything but the damn product. Hell, I think some of us were swapped with different bodies! And they still didn't manage to fix that with their 'magic machine'. They only care for the mains and barely anything about us. If they do? Then it's probably because we made a major issue and we get reprimanded for them. It's how the small groups of toons were made, we care for each other here. It's like... we're unpaid workers (well, by technicality we are being paid, just only rooms and food.) We've had it somewhat good, but it wasn't the best at all.
#dandy's world rp#dandys world rp#dandys world#dandy's world#the lamp rogue#the flower bard#the plush barbarian#the crescent ranger#the glass cleric#[ toon lore post ig ]#[ lore post ig ]#[ I JUST RANDOMLY MADE CURIO'S AND TOBY'S RESPONSES LONG WHAT THE HELL ]#[ the only excuse for it is: Toby is literally a deficit Goob. Unable to actually be the friendly toon. ]#[ He cannot emulate it wellˏ he can still feel friendly and stuff ]#[ But he cannot be Goob as the entire thing about Goob is that he's friendly and kind. ]#[ Toby here is not someone that is easily approachableˏ always having a frown instead of a grin ]#[ He is negative and blunt. Unlike Goob who would probably try to soften the blow ]#[ Now Takashi on the other hand has a keen eye for things ]#[ So he is able to spot things and patterns ]#[ Example: Gardenview's negligence about how the characters turn out ]#[ I'll just say they're prideful and knows damn well that the issue is too minor to notice ]#[ This also applies for him noticing that the mains are the ones observed not the normal toons ]#[ Orchid is orchid and he doesn't like being treated as a child ]#[ Hellˏ they act as if he hadn't had any character development from season 1 ]#[ They already have Dandy (season 3) yet they still treat the mains like young teens or worse: children ]#[ something something the normal toon handlers were fineˏ the toon handlers for the mains were fine ]#[ but the company was overbearing with the mains so *shrugs ]#[ anyways what the hell happened why is there multiple paragraphs ]#[ I love yapping (aka i will forget this post even exists...) ]#[ also i kinda made some things not make sense here (maybe) so sorry if you stumble upon them! ]
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"why don't you correct people more when they use the wrong pronouns for you?" because that would mean outing myself. full stop.
i do not feel comfortable enough with my identity and in my community to be entirely, 100%, out to people i barely even know. it takes a lot of vulnerability for me to stop and correct someone i've only spoken to in a classroom or professional setting and go "actually, i'm not a woman and my pronouns are they/them." much less constantly remind people about it. yes, i do put my pronouns wherever i can, and the people who i do feel comfortable around know and respect my pronouns and identity, but not everyone does.
also, there isn't always a place for me to share my pronouns judgement free. a lot of the time, if i want to, i have to voluntarily out myself. which is not something i'm always up to doing.
#thinking about the amount of people at uni who misgender me#not like it's their fault though. i DO very much look like a cis woman#but most of my instructors don't think to give an opportunity to share pronouns#(it's also tricky because while it's not actively dangerous to be queer in the area it's also not entirely safe or welcoming)#(like we have a pride crosswalk on campus but it's been defiled before and we often have to fight for basic respect)#i've had cis friends ask why i don't correct people more often and the answer to that is i'm just not confident or comfortable enough!#i'm also not really in a program with a lot of other queer people so it's not like there's a ton of solidarity#(there's some but i'm not usually in the same classes as them. we're all at different levels)#me personally i have trouble talking about myself. like i do not share things openly at all#hell most of my friends don't even know i'm autistic. i'm very private about that irl. i don't want to be judged for it#(i have gotten the 'but you don't look autistic!!!!' wayyyyyyy too many times)#and maybe this is me being a bad friend but idk i can't bring myself to say something about it#i'm just rambling and explaining my perspective on the matter idk#thinking of yesterday when i was called 'girl' and then immediately added to a whatsapp group chat#and on whatsapp i put my pronouns in my name because it's the only way i can think to inform people without saying it#😭😭😭#(although i think one of them has my number saved so idk if it'll show for her)#i should have my hair cut again. it's getting long 🤔
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More screenshots (bonus, managed to find Bull a shirt and don't know how to feel about that)
#anyway i continue to Lavellan post because i did some stuff and I'm tired now anyway. thinking about the beginning of the game and#how he's mostly leaning into the herald bullshit because he thinks it'll help him belong here and make people like him and how#devastatingly it's going to hit him after in your heart shall burn (I'm basically leaning into it as much as#possible without establishing him as faithful since it's more difficult to make Leliana pope that way but in my head#he took every 'yeah I'm herald I'm heralding so much andraste right now' option besides one with cass and one with Leliana)#like. he doesn't even really believe it but most people either like hearing it or if they react negatively it's in a way that still#acknowledges him as in charge so he'll roll with that. but then. everything in YHTB happens and it's just like. Oh. Oh Shit. like#it was this mix of bullshitting for fun and saying what people wanted to hear and kind of believing that maybe he was chosen by#Something at least. and like. it's not like he didn't do anything on his own or at least without any special abilities but then#The classic seeing all that be swept aside. realizing how this is going to be remembered because it's already happening. maybe#he should have known that the second he was asked if there was room for more among his gods.#but then. what do you expect. his first memory is being discarded (that's not entirely what it was but that's how his child brain#precessed it) and practically going feral because of it and then. having So Much catching up to do when it came to. basically every#aspect of being a person#and like. he was accepted along with Rella but that still gets to you. especially since. sure he didn't fully understand what it means to#be pitied but he could still recognize that from others. could still want to prove he was Better Than That. could still want to shatter tha#sheet of glass between himself and seemingly everyone else (even Rella to be honest. if only because she almost left him behind too). how#would he not lean into being seen as something special. whether he fully believed the narrative others were spinning or not#i dunno i see a lot of people talking about their Lavellan pushing back against the narrative from the start but i kind of like the#idea of going along with it. thinking it won't get that far and surely he can correct it if it does. he's in charge after all. right? only#to get hit harder than an avalanche by the realization that he's not in control after all. he can direct as many forces as he wants#but he can't change how he'll be remembered. how he's already being remembered. and he contributed to it too? i dunno his specific#combination of pride and insecurity and need to just Belong. to just belong as himself. is. compelling#If anyone is reading this Ive seen posts about all Lavellans having the same personality but no one's elaborated? am i just doing that?#i actually want to know. you know. assuming anyone is reading this.#i dunno just thinking about his continuous need to prove himself for so many reasons (partially because of Rella too since#yeah Rella is a mage but not the first or anything. she's just there because people knew she had nowhere else to go). okay I'll shut up now#but yeah what is this Standard Lavellan Personality i keep hearing about?#original posts#but like. something something he's being discarded again but he understands it this time and he can't fight it and just
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bitches prolly out here psychoanalyzing my old art on behalf of my abuser to cushion their belief that im a Horrible Person but then dont see the irony when I point out the shitty things my abuser has drawn and how I see it as clear evidence of their mindset and beliefs (of what's okay to do and how to treat people) descending and pairing that along with everything else they've done and it paints a clear picture of how this person got to the point of thinking it was okay to abuse me the way they did and then the people looking for reasons to hate me through my art will act like "they're just drawings !!!" about their art. which one is it. does someones art say something about them or not? or does it only say something about them if you hate them?
#personally I think me making fun of a douchey type of dude is less bad than drawing 'rape is fun' but yknow#ig I can just weigh the gravity of how bad each thing is accurately idk#vent#'yeah but you started to identify with the douche bag character !!' well- even before i realized I wanted to be him- the plot was#already that he was going to grow out of being a dick. him and mj were going to help eachother realize their flaws and become better#to eachother and everyone else. so by the time i DID realize I wanted to be a guy I already had in mind the mature version of him#floating around but I didn't really post about it bc I didn't want to spoil anything at the time#and it took me a LONG TIME to accept that I wanted to be snake. I was trans before that. and then when I was close to accepting it#I had that whole 'lsd' thing that made me slink back into my shell bc the people I was around made me feel like I would never be a guy#so instead I figured if I couldn't be snake then the next best thing was to be *with* him and started to self ship myself w him and he#evolved even more into an even more mature version of him that by the time I got out on the other side of feeling like I couldn't#be a guy I had this more serious and mature version of him in my mind and started to accept that I wanted to be him and basically was him#and just didn't know bc that version of snake was more like me than the one I made in 2013/14#in 2013/14 I was only ever considering my comic in the context of some sort of comedy and just wanted to make a douchey character#to make fun of bc I had a lot of douchey people in my life who I felt like needed to be knocked down a peg and I figured the best way#to do that was to make an example out of them via the old version of snake and have him be an overly confident asshole whos hubris#often gets himself humbled even if hes too prideful to accept or admit it#at this point in time I didn't really see much of myself in any of my ocs. maybe a lil bit in mj and (mostly)peaches bc I didn't know it wa#ok to id with a guy... but even when I did subconsciously id with him here n there...i didnt relate to snakes douchey-ness like at all.#sometimes I jokingly act like a douche but again its for the same reason that I made snake a douche back then in the first place-#to make fun of people like that- to hopefully show them how foolish they are by me mirroring them or. alternatively. making people#laugh at me acting that way because pretending to act like a douche is easier to enjoy and laugh at than dealing w an actual douche#i'd do it with my ex-bestfriend all the time- I made snake such a dick because we'd laugh about it together and bc we wanted to make#fun of the dicks around us who lacked any self awareness and if not that any actual fuck about how lame and shitty they come off#what can I say. it's fun to mock people sometimes.#when I actually started to accept it my first pic I drew of him being obviously trans was in 2016... soo a couple months before I remet#my abuser...#which honestly explains why that whole relationship was so rough on me. I had just finally accepted myself and then this person comes#along and tries to smear me and gaslight me into thinking im Horrible for who I am. like. hello???????#my first time fully being myself was with them and their friend group and they all accepted me until their cult leader told them not to
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despicable
updates as of 22 oct
Travis Dermott knew that he would draw attention with his actions in the Coyotes’ home opener against the Anaheim Ducks at Mullett Arena on Saturday. The Arizona defenseman just hoped that the spotlight might shine on the issue that he was addressing, not on him.
“You don’t really want to go against rules that are put in place by your employer, but there’s some people who took some positive things from it,” Dermott said. “That’s kind of what I’m looking to impact.
“You want to have everyone feel included and that’s something that I have felt passionate about for a long time in my career. It’s not like I just just jumped on this train. It’s something that I’ve felt has been lacking in the hockey community for a while. I feel like we need supporters of a movement like this; to have everyone feel included and really to beat home the idea that hockey is for everyone.”
“I won’t lie,” said Dermott, who is playing on a one-year, two-way contract. “From the outside, it’s easy to see that I’m putting my career on the line for something. I definitely went through some emotional ups and downs that night, not regretting anything by any means, but I’d love to have maybe done a couple of steps a little different by making sure that everyone was aware of what was going on before I did it.
“I don’t want to put my teammates or my coaches or my GMs or the equipment managers in any kind of bad light when it’s their job to kind of look out for something like this happening. It was definitely something that I did just by myself and was prepared to kind of deal with whatever repercussions the league decides to push towards that. I’m not going to back off and say that this battle is won, but we’re going to find better ways to do it.”
As Dermott noted, LGBTQ+ inclusion is an issue that he has supported for a long time. Without getting into specifics, Dermott said the issue is personal for him because it impacts people close to him.
“I’d be lying if I said I haven’t shed tears about this on multiple occasions,” he said. “So yeah, it’s something I’m definitely very passionate about.
“I’ve met a lot of people that from the outside, it looks like they have everything going right in their life and they have a smile on their face every time they talk to you. But sometimes when we get closer to people and get comfortable enough for them to open up to you, you can see that there’s some pretty dark stuff happening to some good people. It doesn’t take too many times encountering something like that for it to really change someone.
“I’ve been blessed to have some of those opportunities put in front of me to really change my view of what being a good person means; what being a good father and a good example and role model means going forward. You really see how people are hurting and it’s because of a system that maybe no one’s intentionally trying to be malicious about, but until you’ve really had that first-person experience seeing people hurting from it right in front of you, it’s tough to kind of take steps.”
It would be a surprise if the league handed down any sort of punishment. The optics alone would add to the public relations damage that the original ban created. Even so, Dermott reiterated his desire to bring the entire franchise into the fold before he takes similar actions in the future, but he also made it clear that he will not be silenced on the topic.
“It’s not like I’m shutting up and going away,” he said. “I know more questions are going to be coming. We’re just going to be as prepared as we can be to just spread love. That’s the thing. It’s gay pride that we’re talking about, but it could be men’s health. It could be any war. It’s just wanting world peace. Everyone’s got to love each other a little bit more.
“Like my parents said growing up, ‘How awesome would it be to be the guy that people look up to?’ That’s what really hit home when I was a kid, especially from my mom. You want to grow up and be that guy. You want to be the guy that’s having the impact on kids like NHL players had on you. If they had been racist or bigoted, that’s going to have an effect on you.
“With how many eyes are on us, especially with the young kids coming up in the new generation, you want to put as much positive love into their brain as you can. You want them to see that it’s not just being taught or coming from maybe their parents at home. They need to see it in the public eye for it to really make an effect.”
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