#maybe I'll be better if I take my meds

[el-ow-world]

Everything is fine but I'm engulfed with sadness. Everything is fine but I want to cry so badly, and I can't, because I have no reason to cry; the tears just won’t come. Everything is fine but my heart hurts so much. Everything is fine but why am I thinking of hurting myself?

[front-facing-pokemon]

[thethingything]

I've noticed that because of all the medical shit we've dealt with this year and the sheer amount of stress from how triggering some of it is, we've reached a point where I start to feel anxious and get an overwhelming sense of dread anytime I have to take a medication, no matter which medication it is.

this is obviously not great when we take multiple meds per day and will probably be prescribed more to take after the dental surgery, but I don't really know what to do about it, especially since the extremely triggering medical stuff is still an ongoing situation and this specific stuff is probably the reason any medical stuff makes us panic, along with us getting a similar sense of panic and dread when we encounter various stuff to do with teeth and dentistry.

I don't know what I'm meant to do when taking our meds and brushing our teeth is enough to give us a sense of impending doom so strong we get nauseous from it.

also I'm fine while I'm drawing, but the minute I'm not distracted I start getting intrusive thoughts and our brain will not stop giving me flashbacks on top of bringing up the current situation that's fucking me up and I'm basically writing this while dissociated as hell and relying on that to stop me properly remembering or thinking about the stuff that's going on in any more detail than what I've written here, but even that's enough to still make us anxious and on edge, and the dissociation/amnesia only kicks in this hard after we've panicked hard enough about it.

we've been having multiple panic attacks per day and getting migraines every time we're reminded of the situation. I'm ending up in significantly worse pain because of the sheer amount of stress from this shit

[seaofreverie]

Wanted to start working on projects for my part-time school this weekend but instead all I have the energy to do is lay in bed and play mario kart or lay in bed and listen to music

[atlxolotl]

Transcript and links to Reddit under the Read more:

I miss my husband so goddamn much

February 27th, 2025

I (35M) divorced my husband (36M) three years ago. And God, I miss him. I asked for a divorce for a few reasons, most of which being that his depression got exponentially worse day after day and he refused to seek treatment. Sometimes he wouldn't even go into work and ended up getting fired from his job. I stayed with him for so fucking long, praying that one day he would start trying to get better. It was all I ever wanted, but that day didn't come. I sobbed the entire time signing those papers, and when I handed them to him and asked for a divorce, he just gave me the emptiest, deadest look and signed them without a word. My heart felt like it had been shattered with a hammer, anger and sadness and fear tied together in the world's tightest, ugliest knot and inset deep into my chest.

I put on a brave face for my friends, tried to frame it as shackles coming off and a new beginning, but it was a lie. It just hurt, and it keeps hurting, and it will never stop hurting. He was my soulmate. I'll never love anyone like I loved him. He used to be so sweet and loving, so passionate and happy and every other wonderful thing a man could want from another.

They say each day gets easier, but it isn't for me. It's been three years and I'm still reaching over to the other side of the bed in the morning to pull him close, and it always stings when my hands touch fabric and not his skin. It's been three years and I'm still expecting to see his car in the driveway when I get home from work. It's been three years and my heart isn't any less broken than the day he left.

I've been stalking his socials, I'll admit. He's been getting back to the gym, started meds, and I see him smiling so genuinely in these photos. He looks so incredible. Maybe if I had just waited, he would have changed his mind and went to a doctor like he is now? Or was it me that held him down? Was I making it worse?

I hope not. I wanna go over to his place and just fall into his arms and beg him to take me back. Maybe he's wishing the same thing about me. If there's even a chance I could have my boy back I feel like I should try. I'll never know otherwise.

EDIT: One: I am a homosexual man. My husband is a homosexual man. I am not a woman. Yes, I know I'm effeminate and kind of emotional. Get creative.

Two: my husband was a binge drinker. He refused treatment no matter how much I begged. We got antidepressants but he wouldn't take them. I know he's started meds now because he's posted about them and his 2 yrs sober chip that he got last month.

Three: I never stopped loving him. I never loved him any less. Near the end of our marriage, I started drinking to cope. The second I realized I was, I realized he was dragging me down with him, and I couldn't help him anymore. I didn't dip the second it got hard. Many of you are being kind of rude. I'll accept that I wasn't the perfect husband, nobody is. But claims that I never loved him are just wrong and make me feel sick to my stomach.

EDIT 2: No, I am not the catalyst for this. His depression started when his young brother died terribly and unexpectedly. It's not because he just hated me so much. We were childhood sweethearts and had been together for years when this happened.

[UPDATE] I met my husband that I divorced 3 years ago

March 2nd, 2025

Well, with Reddit's advice, I did it. A few days ago, I called my (35M) ex-husband (36M) whom I divorced after 6 years when he refused to seek treatment for his depression.

I called him later in the evening. It was the first time we'd spoken since a bit of trouble he'd had while he was still drinking 2 1/2 years ago. He picked up on the second ring. Our conversation was a little stilted at first, as to be expected, but he said he was really glad to hear from me. We ended up meeting up for coffee yesterday as so many of you suggested. I'll admit: it was kind of hard to see him, but in a good way? He looked so much better than the last time I had seen him, but he looked exactly like the man I married. He had put off a ton of weight (he gained like 75ish pounds during his struggle with depression, and before some dick says so, I didn't leave him because of his weight gain), he looked way healthier and very put together. I'll just say it: he looked incredibly hot. What made it hard was that I couldn't kiss him hello like I used to. But God, the way his eyes lit up when he saw me, I barely needed to.

We got our coffee and sat, and he updated me a little on his life in the last 3 years.

What really turned his life around was in part the divorce but moreso a DUI (nobody was hurt, he was caught a few blocks from his apartment). He's since gone to rehab and AA, gotten his license back, and had to use a breathalyzer whenever he started his car for a while. He hasn't had a drop of alcohol since and I told him I was so fucking proud of him. He's also started antidepressants, and made a point of telling me that they're not SSRIs, but when I asked what that meant he got embarrassed and told me nevermind (???). Bottom line is that they've been helping him, he's back to being a gym rat, and he's almost completely turned his life around. This was around the point I started tearing up. It just felt so good knowing he was okay. Better than okay, he was *good*.

I also apologized to him for not sticking by him. He cut me off and said I had nothing to apologize for. He was a wreck, and I was being dragged down with him. That also felt good to hear. I apologized for not contacting him much during the last 3 years. That apology, he accepted.

He was dating someone for a few months, too. He broke up with him once he tried to get him to drink on New Year's. He seemed dismissive of the guy. Guess it wasn't too serious.

We got up and went on a walk after a few hours, and I think we both realized it felt like a first date. I had to stop myself from trying to hold his hand at a few points, I'll admit. We ended up sitting on a bench in a nearby park, and I confessed.

I told him I missed him more than anything, how I never stopped loving him, and how if he wanted to, I'd love to try again from the beginning this time. We'd go to couples' therapy, keep our heads above the water, and take it slow. He was quiet for a minute before he told me something. He said he was doing better now, but there may be a time where he sunk low again. Depression isn't easily cured, and he was far from cured. He still had bad days, but he said there would be one difference: he promised he would never stop trying to improve. He was never going to give up like he did before, and refused to neglect me like he used to. If I was willing to accept that truth, he was willing to try again. I agreed, and he pulled me into an embrace and snuck a kiss to my temple. You know when it's the first warm day of spring after a cold, harsh winter, and the soft breeze and basking sun hit your skin at the same time? It felt something like that, to the 1000th degree. After a while he walked me back to my car and squeezed my hand goodbye, and the second I got inside I started sobbing like a baby. Happy tears, though.

I'm currently sitting in bed, kicking my feet like a teenage girl, texting him back and forth to schedule an actual date. He said he'd plan everything, and try his best to make up for the birthdays and anniversaries he missed. He said it would "knock my socks off." What a dork. I love being in love. Not gonna lie, this is gonna be a bit hard to explain to my friends and family. Not looking forward to those conversations, but right now I don't care. My man loves me.

Thank you to everyone who had kind words to say, and all the people that messaged me with sympathy and advice. I hope we all find happiness, and love if we want it. I never would have made the leap if y'all hadn't encouraged me. Best of luck to all of you, and sorry for the overly flowery language <3

EDIT: we've scheduled a date for tomorrow evening. I'll let people know how it went two days from now in my final (unless something big happens) update.

EDIT 2: at his place presently. Shame me not, reddit.

[FINAL UPDATE] I went on a date with my ex-husband last night

March 5th, 2025

My (35M) ex-husband (36M) and I recently reconnected. I won't go over the details of why we split or our reconciliation since I'm sure the average redditor can click buttons and most likely read. He was the one taking me out, and promised that it would, in his words, "knock my socks off" to make up for his neglect of me. He sure as hell delivered.

A little backstory, we've been together since we were 15 and 16 respectively, and have never moved out of our hometown. This year would have been our 20th anniversary (of getting together, not marriage). We were dating secretly for about five years before our parents caught us one day during summer break. The fallout from finding out their son was gay actually made his parents split. His dad wanted to send him away to conversion therapy. He's seen his father maybe once per year on average, and every time he's incredibly cold towards me. Would never refer to me as his son-in-law, only my husband's "pal." I wonder why. Anyway, not what you're here to read. I'll get on with the lore.

He picked me up from the house and wouldn't tell me where we were going, but told me to dress warmly. He ended up taking me to the place where we met: a run down ice skating rink in our town. He used to do hockey, and I spent some time trying to learn figure skating until people started beating me up for it. Both sports would practice at the same time and I remember barely being able to keep my eyes off him. We went skating, I tried to pull off a few of the moves I remembered (he only had to catch me from falling on my ass once or twice, and I won't complain about an attractive man that I love hooking his arm around my waist), and we spent an hour or so there until our feet hurt. At one point I said that my face was getting cold, so he skated around in front of me and placed his gloved hands on my cheeks to warm me up. I just about burned a hole in the ice from how hard I was blushing, I swear to God.

He wasn't done then. We left and went to dinner, specifically the restaurant where we had our first date. It's a cheap hole-in-the-wall place, seeing as we were poor teenagers when we first met. We chatted and ate food that probably took 5 years off our lives, he was an incorrigible flirt, and even held my hand underneath the table like he did all those years ago. I know I said I never stopped loving him, and I stand by that, but I think I somehow fell in love with him a thousand times over again during that meal.

At the end of dinner, he asked if I had energy for one more simple thing, to which I agreed. He took me a while out of town to a dark sky zone park, specifically the one where he proposed to me ten years ago. He set out a blanket to sit on and another to cuddle under, and we went stargazing all bundled up together. You never know how much you miss the sound of someone's heartbeat until you haven't heard it for so long. We shared a bottle of sparkling grape juice in plastic champagne flutes and dumb, giggly kisses. It felt so similar yet so different. He told me in a moment of quiet that he loved me, and oh, God. It took everything I had not to cry. I barely hesitated before asking if he wanted to change venues. He seemed surprised, but eagerly accepted.

I ended up at his place, as some of you may have seen from my edit on my second post yesterday. I wanted to take it slower than this, but it was so hard to. I was so starved of affection and hadn't been intimate with anyone for just about six years. I'm gonna keep what happened at his between us, but all I'll say is that his medication was no issue and all of you should be jealous. I woke up in his bed this morning, reached over for him, and pulled him close just like I used to do. I haven't been this happy in a long time. We had a sleepy discussion and decided to get back together, but we're not using the term boyfriends. It just feels weird after all this time. So he's my partner, or my lover. He's mine.

Thank you, reddit. Wouldn't have done it without a little push from the internet. Let's see where all this goes.

[umberandmochaagate]

Bruh I'm tryna get out the mindset that if I'm complaining about my health and needing to take time out for it that I'm seeking attention to be babied and it's like

No mf you're literally sick and acting accordingly

I'm allowed to be upset that just two years ago I didn't have period cycles that left me in über pain and with lots of migraines and dizzy spells and struggling to move or sleep or wake up. There wasn't extra anxiety about 800mg ibuprofen not being enough and needing to stick through the 4 hours to lower risk of taking it back to back. I didn't need to take off from work, I just needed two Aleve and maybe one those heat patches. I didn't need to have a major surgery and come to terms with that within a year of getting the diagnosis.

If all that makes someone think I'm playing up my pain to make people feel bad for me or think it's not that serious then that's their problem. Including if that someone is me. Because it's normal to feel disrupted by something disrupting life; it's also normal to be comforted by others.

[pixelateddragonet]

I hope i get my Dad's silver hair when I get older, it looks really cool and i think it'd feel a bit like carrying a piece of him with me always

[le-scenariste]

Y'all this mentally ill thing kinda sucks ass I won't lie

[front-facing-pokemon]

[kindacreepy-kindaugly]

I keep thinkin please stop fucking w/ my head but rly I think I'm just doin all I can to make it last

[tardis--dreams]

I wish i could get buproprion without a prescription this shit is way too good to give up ㅠㅠ

[the-cooler-king]

Yall remember that post that goes like "I told my friend once that when I feel like I'm losing my mind I lay under my desk for a while. One such time I go under there and there is a slim Jim taped to the bottom of my desk with the note, "going insane all alone again?"" I think about it constantly especially when I am going insane

[weirdmarioenemies]

disabled trans woman making progress; still in need of assistance

hi again. i'll keep it brief. couple updates. health-wise, i'm seeing a psych early next month so hopefully i can get on some medication and be able to function better. arthritis meds still have yet to do anything except maybe make me nauseous.

website is coming along. i expect i'll be in a position to take commissions on a regular basis within the next couple months. until then, i'll need about 550 USD by the end of the month if i want to keep up my streak of narrowly avoiding eviction every 30 days.

KO-FI

VENMO

CASHAPP

0/550 USD

[jaeyunnz]

"I'll be a good boy."

jake + f¡reader ❤︎

WARNINGS: sub!jake, dom¡reader, making out, begging, dirty talk, sucking him off, grinding, unprotected sex (don't do it stay safe.) jake calls reader mommy. whining and pet names.

Note: Sorry if this sounds rushed in anyway.

this is proofread !!!! (˶˃ ᵕ ˂˶)

jake has a fever and goes to the doctor for medicine — he gets prescribed with a pill that makes him feel extremely horny and comes to you for help.

Jake has had a fever for a week or so, and its been getting worse. Eventually he took your advice to go to the doctors — and check out whats wrong. When he got back home at night, your met with a tight back hug which causes you to jump slightly. You didn't even realize Jake got home yet.

Hes always been a bit touchy, but today feels different. when you finally lift your head up to look at his face, he’s blushing profusely, pupils dilated and panting a bit. "sorry... i missed you." he mutters out, "i-i took medicine from the doctor for my fever, but now i feel so weird." he whined.

As soon as you open your mouth to speak, Jake accidentally presses himself against you, your body smooshed on the counter. "Jake...?" he buries his face into the crook of your neck and inhales deeply, letting out a soft, whimper. "mhmm?" he mumbles against your skin, his hands tightening on your waist as he pulls you closer, his hips still grinding slowly against your backside.

"What did the doctors prescribe you with baby?" You breathe out, trying to suppress a moan. he pulls back just slightly, pupils blown wide as he stares intensely into your eyes. a dazed, weak smile curls his lips. "i dunno... feel so fucking loopy. doc said this cold med's potent shit."

"Maybe you need some rest?" his gaze drops to your lips, a shiver running down his spine. his growing bulge twitches against you while he leans in closer, breath ghosting over your mouth. "maybe... but i don't wanna sleep right now." He slightly rocks his hips back and forth against you.

You bite your lower lip, gripping on the counter. "I think it's best if you do. You'll probably feel better—" before you can finish your sentence, jake lets out a whine pitifully, brows furrowed as he stares pleadingly at you, pupils dilating further. "pleeeeease don't leave me. i'm fucking baked, can barely think straight." he grips your shirt, desperate.

"How else are you supposed to get better then?" You say softly as he nuzzles his face against the back of your neck, placing his hands on the counter to cage you in. "i-i dont know..." he whimpers softly, "all i know is i need you to touch me. somewhere, anywhere... please." Your eyes widen when those words slip out of his mouth, unsure what to do.

You want to keep encouraging him to get some rest, because maybe that'd help him have a clear mind. But his pleading eyes and whimpers — its hard to say no.

"Jake i don't know. I really think you just need to sleep this off." he looks at you with wide puppy eyes, frowning. "n-no please, i don't want to.." his hands grip your hips, pulling you against his hardness more, eliciting a small gasp from you. "p-please.. i'll be a good boy i promise.. — i promise."

You give in — the begging too tempting. The next thing you know you find your hand sliding down to grope and rub his bulge, causing a sigh of relief to escape his lips. "mmph.. yeah there baby. touch me there." He gasps out as you trace circles against the fabric, his legs shaking slightly.

His mouth is wide open, watching you stroke his clothed dick. He leans in and presses his lips against yours, arms wrapping around your waist to pull you closer. The kiss is soft and sloppy, his tongue lolling out to lick at your lips. You let out a quiet moan, slipping your hand into his jeans and continuing your gentle strokes.

He gasps against your mouth, his tongue immediately takes advantage of your parted lips, slipping into your mouth to tangle with yours. The kiss is messy, filled with soft moans and gentle nips. Slowly, his hands slide down to grab your ass, pulling you flush against his hardening bulge. "m-mmph... baby, i want..." he whimpers, unable to finish his sentence. "Want what baby? Use your words." he looks into your eyes with lust. "w-want... to be inside you.."

You bite your lower lip, unsure what to do. Jake still has a fever and is way too weak to take charge — usually hes the one to lead, but not today, not when hes sick. This is new to you, though your quite enjoying it.

"Come," you whisper out, pulling back from Jake. You grab his hand, leading him upstairs to the bedroom. Once you both get inside, the door slams shut. "Sit on the bed," you order, Jake doesn't question and follows you, plopping on the edge of the bed. You make your way over to him, hovering over his lap and he looks up at you, moving his hand up to place on your hip.

You slowly lean down and start leaving trails of wet sloppy kisses down his neck, sucking and biting the skin, leaving a few purple — red marks. He whimpers out, already arching his back, though all your doing is kissing his neck.

The kisses get lower, now down to his chest and stomach before you reach the ground, on your knees. Jake looks down at you and his breath hitches when he sees your eyes darting to his belt, he knows what your about to do and his cock throbs violently against the fabric of his jeans.

"Take them off." You say, he nods and begins to undo his belt with shakey hands. Hes so needy for your touch that he cant even take his belt off properly — hands fondling with it. Once he finally gets it off, he throws it on the floor. His bulge is now clearly outlined in his jeans, a wet spot forming at the tip.

"p-please.." he whines out as your hands reach up to help pull his jeans down along with his boxers, lifting his hips up to help you do so. When his dick finally springs free, you see pre-cum already leaking from the reddish head, twitching slightly. "Please what baby?" a smirk appears on your lips. Your enjoying his begging a bit too much.

Jake bites down on his lower lip, "suck it please." He bucks his hips up slightly. "Ah ah ah," you murmur, his gaze meeting yours. "I said please what? You have to ask nicely." he swallows hard, unsure what you mean, "i-i did... i said please—" you cut him off when your hand wraps around the base of his cock, he lets out a gasp from the sudden touch. "Your forgetting something baby. Whats my name?"

His eyes widen, understanding what you mean. He hesitates for a moment before whimpering out, "m-mommy, please suck my... my dick." His face flushes, looking away embarrassed. This was his first time ever calling you that — but it turns you on.

"Good boy." You give his dick a few strokes before leaning your head down, kitty licking the red tip. He rolls his eyes back, digging his nails into the bedsheets, trying his hardest not to shove his cock down your throat. Your soft lips wrap around the head fully, Jake's head tilting back from the sudden warmth and wetness. You slowly take more and more of his length down your throat, gagging a bit from his big size.

When you begin to slowly bob your head, he lets out a loud moan, bringing his hand down to grab your hair and pull it up into a ponytail so it wasnt in your face. This made you move your head up and down his cock at a faster pace, gripping onto his knees for balance as he fills the room up with his desperate whines and whimpers.

Your mouth stretches to accommodate his size, drool dripping down the sides of your lips. Jake thrusts his hips forward, the tip of his cock hitting the back of your throat, causing you to gag and choke slightly. You moan around his length, sending vibrations through his body, his back arching from the feeling. "fuck mm... im gonna cum." He breathes out heavily before you pull his cock out of your mouth, not wanting him to cum just yet.

"why'd you stop baby?" He frowns before you slowly sit onto his lap, he lets out a gasp when you do so, the fabric of your pants pressing on his exposed cock. "I want you to be inside me before you cum," he bites his lower lip, changing the position by picking you up and laying you down on your stomach, pulling your hips up. "you'll let me fuck you?" He says softly as you nod, grinding your hips up and down against him and pressing your ass firmly on his bare cock. His body stutters when you do so, digging his nails into your hips. "t-thank you mommy... thank you."

Your eyes roll back slightly from his words and movements, He watches you slide your shorts down, poking his tongue against his cheek while you pull your panties aside, giving him better access. He gulps hard, sliding his hard cock partway through your wet folds. He growls softly, "shittt. y-youre so wet baby.." His eyes snap to yours, seeing you toss your hair back and spread your thighs wider. Hes desperate and cant wait any longer so he lines himself up and shoves inside you hard, making you cry out and gasp from the sudden gesture, no warning at all.

"A-ah jake—" He silences you with a deep, hard thrust, his cock hitting your g-spot immediately. He starts pounding into you ruthlessly, not caring about being gentle. "fuck, your pussy is so tight..." He whimpers, seeing your head throw back in pleasure. You arch your back fully against his thrusts, mouth slightly opened. The loud moans spurs him on so he grips your hips harder, spreading your legs wider to get in deeper, your breasts bouncing with his rough thrusts, "m-mm.. feels so fucking good..." your body shakes with each of his movements.

He feels you clenching tightly around his length, knowing youre close. You shove your face into the pillow, muffling your loud moans and screams of pleasures. "J-jake i might... cum—" He hears your words and grabs your hair, pulling your head back while his other hand reaches down to rub your clit roughly. "cum for me... cum on my cock right now."

His words were enough for you to reach your climax. Jakes eyes roll back as he feels your walls tighten around him. He fucks through your orgasm, prolonging it. "fuck, fuck..." He grabs your breasts roughly, continuing to thrust deep inside you. He watches you throw your head back in ecstasy, your pussy still spasming around his cock. He pinches your nipples hard, eliciting another moan.

"f-fuck... you're taking my dick so well. taking every inch mommy..." He keeps pounding into you, feeling his own release building. Your eyes tear up from the roughness and pleasure, biting down on the pillow sheet. With a deep grunt, Jake buries himself deep inside you, his cock twitching violently. "fuck, im cumming..." he gasps, whining out, "im cumming!" He pumps load after load of hot cum deep into your cunt as you let out a loud squeal, your hips shaking violently.

The both of you collapse onto the bed. His eyes drop to your body, seeing his cum leaking out of your pussy. He spreads your legs wider, watching his load trickle down your thighs before slowly pulling out, making you both moan from the loss of contact.

He then gently nuzzles his face into your neck, cuddling you into his arms, "t-thank you mommy, i feel better.." You giggle tiredly at him, out of breath. "I'm glad baby. You should get some rest though, hm?" He nods, hiding his face in your chest, embarrassed.

💘: thank you guys so much for 1000+ notes on tasting tempations and 200 followers !!!! 🥹💕 IM SEEING ALL YOUR REQUESTS AND I PROMISE ILL GET TO THEM IMMEDIATELY <3

[zorrasucia]

what i need

Reader x Carmy Berzatto (The Bear FX)

Rating: Explicit (3k)

Tags: Roommate Reader, Smut, Porn with a little plot, S1 Richie Shenanigans, Viagra (Sex Pollen vibes), Masturbation, Tiny bit of Voyeurism, P in V Sex, Both Carmy and Reader have a bit of a praise kink

"You do know you could literally go to prison for this?" you said in the most threatening tone you could muster. "Well, no, I'm not a fucking lawyer but that's not the point... You know what, I have to see if Carmy is alright, I'll deal with your bullshit later."

You hung up on Richie, exhausted.

It had been a crazy half an hour.

You had gotten home and found Carmy making himself a PB and J sandwich. When he watched you come in, without a word, he grabbed another plate to make you one. You climbed on the counter and watched him work in comfortable silence, enjoying the fact that he was back from work early. Everything was normal, good even, until he suddenly got red in the face and then pale, he excused himself and locked the bathroom door. He had stayed there for fifteen minutes, the sandwiches half finished on the counter.

You knocked on the door with worry.

"Carmy, you okay?"

"Not really. I don't feel well."

"Is it the flu?" you remembered him mentioning that a couple of chefs had called in sick a few days ago.

"I think it's this," Carmy said.

He opened the door an inch and handed you a bottle of the prescribed antidepressants he had started taking a few months ago. A quick Google search showed you the pill shape was slightly off.

"You refilled this recently?"

"Yesterday."

Your hands started shaking nervously.

"Fuck. I think they gave you the wrong meds, Carm."

You frantically called Nat but she didn't answer. Then you called Richie, who didn't seem worried at all.

"It was a prank, okay? He was getting on my nerves - everybody's nerves to be honest."

"What the fuck did you change his pills for?" you asked, furious. "Do I need to call an ambulance?"

"Relax, he'll be fine," he said. "It's some off brand Viagra shit I found on the internet."

You rolled your eyes. "Very mature of you."

"It'll turn him down a notch. Maybe he'll even get some," Richie added with a laugh.

"Fuck you. You know how hard it was to convince him to take meds for his depression in the first place?" you spat.

"Like pulling teeth, I imagine."

It had taken you, Nat, Sydney, and his psychiatrist weeks to talk him into it.

"Exactly. Fuck you."

After you ripped Richie a new one, you walked to the bathroom and knocked gently.

"So... Richie says it should pass in a couple of hours, Carm. Are you okay? Are you in pain or something?"

"I'm fine," he said, his voice strained.

You leaned against the door, wringing your hands. "I could call someone. If you want."

"Someone?"

Now was not the time to think about your budding crush on Carmy, it was about helping him.

"A girlfriend. Or boyfriend. A, uh, trusted escort. I don't know," you covered your face embarrassed.

Carmy let out a chuckle. "No. I don't have anyone like that."

"Want me to leave? Give you some privacy to deal with it?"

"No! I mean... It's fucking late, and this is your place too..."

"Well, you could at least go to your bedroom. I know what's going on, there's no need to be embarrassed, Carm."

"Okay. Just, uh, don't look please."

"Okay."

You turned around, resolutely looking at the wall. Then, you heard him walk briskly to his bedroom and slam the door shut.

Half an hour passed and despite your best efforts you were still worried sick about Carmy. You had fallen down a rabbit hole while researching for side effects of counterfeit Viagra. You texted him.

feeling any better? not really but not worse? no ok ok. let me know if there's anything i can do ...

The three dots flashed insistently for a few moments like he was writing something then deleting it all, over and over.

i'm ok. don't worry

You finished making the sandwiches and grabbed yours, eating in silence, tired. Then, you got ready for bed, going through your routine and trying to be normal about this whole thing.

Intellectually knowing Carmy had a cock and actively knowing about his out of control, hour-long erection were two very different things. Especially with your own complicated feelings about him. It took everything in you not to ogle him daily with his tight t-shirts and his pretty hair, with his tattoos and his blue eyes. It took everything in you not to zone out looking at his calloused hands wondering how they would feel on your skin. You knew that his life was The Beef, keeping that thing afloat, that was the whole reason he had reluctantly decided to get a roommate. Still you couldn't help but wonder...

You weren't trying to spy on him but your bedrooms shared a wall and he wasn't exactly being discreet. You could hear him groan and whine, muffled by the wall and his hand or maybe his forearm... The sight that thought conjured was delicious and sinful: Carmy with no shirt on, jeans half undone, skin sweaty, one hand on his cock and the other on his mouth to keep quiet while he touched himself. What if he was making those noises for you instead, because you were making him feel that good? The thought made you warm all over, your thighs brushing against each other absentmindedly. Carmy's sounds grew a little louder and more desperate until you couldn't stop your hand from going inside your underwear to relieve some of that pent up tension, your fingers unconsciously following the rhythm of his groans, getting quicker.

In any other circumstances, you would have been more careful, more quiet, but you could hear him so clearly - really, how could he hear anything other than his own ragged breaths? You couldn't help the moan that burst from your throat and sounded across the room.

Immediately, Carmy went quiet.

You could feel your blood rushing to your face, mortified that he had heard you. He probably thought you were a pervert or that you were making fun of him. You waited in expectant silence for a little while until you couldn't bear it anymore.

You got up and walked to his door and knocked.

"Carm?"

He didn’t respond. You would have actually preferred that he berated you for not respecting his privacy than getting the silent treatment. Fuck.

"Carmy? I'm sorry... I wasn't making fun of you or anything. I'm just stupid and horny, and I have this stupid big crush on you. I know that's not an excuse-"

You were interrupted by him cracking the door open, just enough that you could see one of his eyes and a portion of his nose.

"What did you say?"

"That I'm horny and stupid," you repeated apologetically.

"No, the other bit," he said, his voice soft.

"That I have a crush on you?"

"Yeah, that bit," he cleared his throat. "Is that true?"

"Yeah," you said quietly.

He nodded, taking a moment to process. "I, uh, I like you. A lot," he emphasized. "I didn't realize how much until today, I guess."

"What do you mean?"

"Well, that I got hard just from watching you sitting on the counter," he said plainly.

"But that's the- No, that's because of what Richie gave you, right?" you reasoned.

"Doesn't work like that," he shook his head. "The guy needs to be, uh, excited for anything to happen. I took that thing while I was still at work."

"Oh."

"Yeah."

You stood awkwardly, biting your lip.

"What's exciting about me sitting on the counter?" you asked finally.

Carmy chuckled. "That's your question?"

"Yeah."

"The way your thighs look, I guess. And I imagined what it would be like to fuck you there," he said, and then as if realizing he was being crass he added: "Sorry."

"No, don't be," you shook your head. "It would be very hypocritical of me to get upset about that when I've imagined you fucking me in the bathroom."

"In front of the mirror?" he asked with the hint of a smile.

"Obviously," you grinned. After a moment of semi-comfortable silence you asked: "Do you still need help with your, uh, situation?"

He blushed. "It's pretty bad."

"Let me try?"

"Alright."

Carmy moved from the door, letting you walk inside and see him. He was shirtless, like you had imagined, though his cock had been stuffed inside his jeans to answer the door. You walked a few steps until he was right in front of you, you cupped his face gently and kissed him. He melted into it, tilting his head and bringing you close, letting you set the pace but showing how eager he was. You buried your hands in his curls, messy from a whole day in the kitchen and half an hour of lying in bed desperately trying to cum.

You removed his jeans, slow, giving gentle caresses to his cock.

"Fuck," Carmy whined into your mouth.

"Sensitive?"

"Like a fucking live wire," he said.

"Let's make the most of it, yeah?"

Carmy nodded eagerly, helping you out of the sweatshirt you wore to bed.

"Knew you didn't wear a bra under this," he rasped.

"I hoped you'd notice," you admitted, stepping out of your shorts, the two of you finally naked. "Wanted you to see."

"I did. I do."

You traced figures on his chest and arms with your fingernail, following the lines of ink; he held you by the waist, his thumbs ghosting the side of your breasts.

"What do you like?" you asked.

"Hmm?"

"In bed. What do you like?"

"I don't fucking know, to be honest. I’ve only ever had quickies in the bathroom of a restaurant and shit like that," he mumbled.

"Blowing off steam."

"Exactly, yeah."

"We could do that," you offered, "that feels kind of urgent," you gestured at his cock, leaking precum.

"I don't want that," Carmy mumbled. "Want to enjoy this."

"Okay," you agreed, a little selfishly, biting your lip.

You pushed him gently towards the bed, until he was sitting. He opened his legs to bring you closer, burying his face between your breasts, kneading your ass.

"This is still supposed to be about you," you protested, your voice was high and needy as he started sucking on your nipples.

"Yeah, exactly..." he nodded, his nose tracing subtle patterns on your sternum as he kissed your skin. You hummed in delight, massaging his scalp and the back of his neck. "I've been thinking about this for weeks - about how soft your skin must be here," he kissed the swell of your breast, "what it would taste like," and he licked your nipple.

"Fuck..." you were overwhelmed with want, goosebumps covering your skin. "Anything else you've been thinking about?" you asked - half of you wanted to keep on being worshipped slowly and the other half wanted to be fucked thoroughly as soon as possible.

"Mmm..." Carmy's exhale tickled you in the best way. "I've been thinking about the sounds you'd make."

"I gave you a preview, I think," you said, blushing again.

"I want the whole thing," he rasped, manhandling you to straddle his lap, leaving his hard cock well within your reach.

"I've been thinking about how you sound too," you said, your hand holding his length loosely.

"Fuck. Don't tease. You'll kill me," he groaned, low, deep from his chest.

"Condoms?" you prompted, getting up.

"Bedside table, second drawer."

You returned quickly.

"You sure?" he confirmed before opening the wrapper.

"So fucking sure," you replied, leaning to kiss him hard, all tongue and lust, swaying back onto his lap. "I need it."

"It?" he arched an eyebrow, teasing your entrance with the head of his cock, spreading arousal all over your pussy.

"You," your voice was breathy. "Need you."

And you lowered yourself on him, slow, gasping when you bottomed out.

"You okay?" he asked, breathing hard but staying perfectly still underneath you.

"Yeah, give me a second."

You squeezed your eyes shut and swayed your hips lightly.

"Should have prepped you," he apologized, kissing the side of your face.

And you relished the thought, his calloused fingers curling inside you, making you writhe impatiently... Would he suck his fingers afterwards and taste you?

"Next time," you said, the thought made your stomach flutter.

With your knees on the mattress and your hands on Carmy's shoulders, you started riding him, bouncing on his cock, feeling how snug he fit inside you. His head was thrown back, his throaty groans made you shiver with pleasure.

"Fuck," he cursed.

"Good?" you asked.

"So fucking good, so fucking good," he managed, his lips touching your skin. You ate up his praise, his hard exhales on your shoulder, his groans with each downward stroke, his hoarse voice as he said: "Making me feel so good, you have no idea, I'm losing my fucking mind..."

And all you could do was just moan and whimper, louder now that you knew how much he wanted to hear it.

"Sound so nice," he growled.

You could feel the tension building between you, your thighs trembling and unable to keep the pace much longer.

"That's it. Fuck," he growled, talking you through your peak. "I can feel it. Jesus..."

"Carmy..."

You moaned his name, your hips stuttering and then stopping. You melted in his arms and he held you upright. When you regained your senses you realized he was still rock hard inside you.

"What the fuck?" you slurred. "Nothing?"

He shook his head and leaned to kiss your cheek, your jaw, your neck... "Would you- is it okay if we go again?"

"Mhmm," you hummed, running your hands through his hair. Then, after a moment too long of him staring at you in wonder you said: "Please."

"What do you want?" his voice was still that gravelly sound that gave you butterflies.

"Anything, you can do anything you want to me."

"Fuck..."

He grabbed you and, like you weighed nothing, moved you to lie on the bed exactly how he wanted: legs wide open and a pillow underneath your hips. He caged you with his arms and you caressed them.

"So strong," you blurted in your fucked out state.

He leaned in to kiss you hard, hungry, desperate. His cock rubbed the outside of your pussy, making you moan into his mouth. It was dirty and urgent and you couldn't get enough of it. You spread your legs wider still and held him tight, squeezing the muscles of his back.

"I'm gonna go harder," he warned you. "Tell me if it's too much?"

You nodded, eyes half lidded. "I want that. I want it hard," you heard yourself say.

After how loving he had been you were curious about how it would feel when he let go, how those quickies in the bathroom were like. And he seemed desperate to cum.

"Shit, okay," he mumbled, maneuvering one of your thighs over his hip, burying his cock inside you in one swift motion. You let out a soft moan, your fingernails digging into his skin as he gave you one forceful thrust. You rolled your eyes, that first hit making you see stars.

"Fuck."

At first, he seemed focused on how deep he could go, on making you feel every inch inside of you, a sharp movement punctuating every thrust - hard enough to shake the mattress underneath you.

You looked downward, at his cock going in and out torturously slow, the way his abs flexed, the hair on his lower stomach...

"Fuck. Carmy. Oh, my God," you whined needily.

"Okay?" he asked, panting, keeping that rhythm steady.

"So okay," your voice was barely a whisper but he was close enough to hear it. "Keep going."

He nodded. His hips moved with the same force but faster now. You had to squeeze your eyes shut, it was all too much, too good. Whimpers we're leaving your lips with every movement, you couldn't tell if the bed was squeaking or if it was you losing control. Maybe it was both.

"Think I'm coming again," you said, almost apologetically. "Fuck me through it. I can take it."

"You can't say shit like that," Carmy growled, his exhale tickling your lips.

"Ah! I can say whatever the fuck I want," you sassed, trying to delay your peak even as you felt yourself flutter around Carmy's cock. "I can't. Fuck."

He obeyed you and kept going as you cried and cursed, legs shaking around his waist, tears falling from the corners of your eyes. You grew even more pliant under him, pathetic little sounds leaving your lips as you saw white, feeling warm all over.

"I have never- Fuck. So good, so good," you babbled nonsense, as the pleasure turned into numbness then pleasure again.

Carmy was breathing hard on top of you, his golden chain dangling invitingly. Without really knowing why, you took it between your lips and tugged on it.

"Holy shit," he groaned, his cock twitching inside of you.

You let go of his chain to ask: "Getting close? What do you need, baby?"

"Talk me through it, please," he begged. And you moved to caress the nape of his neck comfortingly.

"You're making me feel so good, Carm. I have thought about this, fingered myself thinking of you like this," he whimpered and you smiled sympathetically - he needed this. "You feel so perfect inside me, so good. Fuck."

"Yeah?"

"Yeah. I want to do so many things with you. I want your fingers inside my pussy. I want you to fuck me on the counter and in the bathroom. I want to sit on your face," you kept going, watching his eyes widen as you did.

"Fuck. Shit. Yes," he said, voice high, eyes rolled back, his cock twitched again and you gasped.

"Be good and cum for me, Carm," you caressed the side of his face. "Be a good boy and cum for me."

"Jesus fucking Christ. Fuuuuuck," he groaned loud, a few erratic thrusts making you curl your toes with pleasure. Then he collapsed on top of you. He was heavy and sweaty, breathing hard - completely perfect. You wanted to stay there forever, his cock softening inside you, your hand caressing his hair.

"Fuck, give me a minute - I'm crushing you," he slurred into the skin of your neck.

"Shhh," you soothed. "You're okay."

He exhaled, truly relaxed for the first time since you met him. He kissed your skin, a path down to your shoulder and he finally got up, rolling to his side, face squished against the pillow.

"Fuck. I'm sorry about all this," he said, eyes soft and tired. "I never wanted you to feel obligated-"

"No," you shook your head emphatically and reached for his wrist. "If anything I feel like I kind of forced you to-"

"I didn't want anyone else," he interrupted you.

You leaned to kiss him, tenderly this time.

"Then, you don't have to apologize," you said. "I meant it - about wanting to do all of it even before this."

Carmy smiled sweetly. "Can I thank you then?"

"Yes," you giggled.

He sat up, exhausted as he was, and knelt between your legs. Carefully, he caressed your sensitive pussy. You whined at the feeling.

"Too much?" he asked, his forehead wrinkled with worry.

"Just a little," you probably wouldn't be able to walk upright to the bathroom but you were fine, more than fine. "Don't do anything crazy. We can save that for later," you added shyly.

"Don't worry. I'll be careful," he said.

He leaned in and pressed one single kiss to your pussy, soaked in your release - the gentle feeling made you shiver.

"Thank you," he said, his blue eyes piercing yours.

You reached for his face, caressing his cheek. "You're very welcome, Carmy."

[crippleprophet]

let me open by saying I Know How This Sounds (fem whose undergraduate chemistry professor recommended ze take turmeric to cure zyr arthritis, etc) so no hard feelings if you keep scrolling, but hopefully folks who know me know i'm speaking honestly about my experiences, even if those don't end up being the same for other people. so!

2 Tbsp of a common kitchen spice is doing as much or more to manage my ME/CFS as any of my meds or self-medicating drugs

@lakeeffectbitch outlines a way of trying this with a control in their reddit post (link); i just went directly to the one they thought might work so i'll put my experiences & the science/theory behind this under a cut for folks who want to avoid potential placebo effect :)

i'll get more specific about this in the "spoilers" but please be aware, especially folks with diabetes or other blood sugar conditions, that this substance may cause a blood sugar drop. it's less likely at this dose but probably keep a sugary snack on hand just in case

if you experience post-exertional malaise & want to try this but don't have spare money to spend on spices feel free to dm me & i'll see if i can help!

my experience:

i took 2 Tbsp ground sumac mixed with warm water on February 11. i tried taking it with a straw first because that's what my colonoscopy prep had said would make that go down easier but because the sumac particles were so big they didn't want to remain suspended & trying to get them in the straw was difficult, which then made it harder to swallow without, yknow, noticing that you're slurping down sediment

what worked better was getting the powder wet, putting a big clump of it on my tongue, then swallowing it with water like a pill

within about half an hour of taking the sumac it was like my fatigue just faded around me where i stood. it dissolved to the background & when i thought "oh i want to do this" or "i should do that" suddenly i found myself just doing it. i had spent the past week at least bedridden except for the bathroom, & though i took the sumac on a better day, i'd been planning to return to bed with a snack after taking it.

instead, i made myself lunch, and i sat on the couch to eat it. all of this was without taking an edible that day; usually i've gotta take at least 25mg delta 8 + 25mg cbd to even consider sitting on the couch. also, it was storming.

from my write-up the day of: "everything felt very sharp & clear & lucid." i washed the dishes from my lunch. all of these activities were about 2 hours, & at that point i emphatically needed a nap. waking up felt like after taking a muscle relaxer & sleeping: my muscles were more relaxed, & my whole body felt like it'd gotten a bit of a break

i've taken sumac at least 8 times since then on at least 5 different days (this time by modifying this sumac tart recipe to include a lot of sumac powder in the crust, which has been much more enjoyable than the Glass O' Sediment lmao) & adjusting for factors like weather, the effect has been comparable every time:

i watched Inception on the couch with my husband, & understood when she explained things to me

i watched leverage on the couch all day when it was below freezing

i worked a bit on fanfics i've barely been able to touch in a year

i "meal prepped" measuring spices, gathering ingredients, & soaking beans to make beans & rice in the instant pot later that day. i literally can't remember the last time i was able to use my instant pot, after thinking about it i think it was when i made palak paneer last summer, but that was a one-off special occasion thing, i've used it maybe 3 other times since developing ME

i wrote this post

the science:

okay a lot of this shit was over my head before i developed ME so i'm gonna be summarizing at my level lol, look to @lakeeffectbitch for a higher-level analysis

but what i do know! (all images from "The malic acid inhibiting inflammation in ankylosing spondylitis by interfering M1 macrophage polarization" by Ji et al., January 2025)

sumac contains high levels of malic acid, which is found in certain fruits (apples, peaches, etc)

the drugs.com page classifies malic acid as an inactive ingredient, so there are no known drug interactions

mice with ankylosing spondylitis had lower levels of peripheral malic acid than control mice

ID: bar graph showing mice with AS had about 0.03 micromoles per milliliter of peripheral malic acid, compared to the control mice level of over 0.2 micromoles per milliliter. the difference is labeled significant via asterisks. end ID

mice with higher malic acid concentrations had lower ESR and CRP (inflammation markers)

ID: two graphs showing lines with a downward slope. the top graph, ESR versus malic acid concentration, is labeled: r=-0.6802, 95% confidence interval =-0.8843 – -0.2578, p=-0.0053. the graph shows ESR, an inflammation marker, decreasing as malic acid concentration increases. the bottom graph, CRP versus malic acid concentration, is labeled: r=-0.6068, 95% confidence interval =-0.8537 – -0.1371, p=-0.0165. the graph shows CRP, an inflammation marker, decreasing as malic acid concentration increases. end ID

mice treated with malic acid had lower levels of TNF-alpha than the mice with untreated ankylosing spondylitis. humira & similar biologics that treat autoimmune diseases are TNF-alpha blockers

ID: a bar graph of relative mRNA expression of TNF-alpha. M0, the control mice, has a relative expression of 1. M1, the mice with ankylosing spondylitis that did not receive treatment, has a relative expression of slightly less than 4.5. M1+MA, the mice with ankylosing spondylitis who received the malic acid treatment, has a relative expression slightly less than 3. this indicates that the mice treated with malic acid had lower expression of TNF-alpha than the untreated mice. asterisks between M0 and M1 and between M1 and M1+MA indicate significance. end ID

the mitochondrial function of M2 macrophages in mice treated with malic acid "was significantly enhanced"

analysis of the mice's spinal tissue blew my fucking socks off. trying not to jump to conclusions & i know journal articles are full of errors but that looks potentially disease-modifying.

ID: a 5x3 presentation of samples of mouse spinal tissue. the control mice, which are healthy, have thick, undamaged, glowing tissue. the mice with ankylosing spondylitis have thin, curved, cracked-looking tissue. the mice treated with celecoxib, a common prescription NSAID for arthritis, appear very similar to the untreated mice. the mice treated with 250mg/kg of malic acid per day have tissue in between the untreated and healthy appearances; the tissue is "glowing" like the healthy tissue but still narrower and curved, although less so than the untreated tissue. the mice treated with 500mg/kg of malic acid per day have tissue which looks even closer to the healthy appearance, with less curvature than the other treatment groups. end ID

since i started drafting this post i've started taking these malic acid supplements from Nature's Life – the full dose made me feel weird including some heartburn so i cut the capsules & take roughly 2/3 – 3/4 of it at a time (i drop the rest into a spare pill jar to make more doses from). it's been similarly effective for me

please be aware that the supplement instructions say to only take it once a day, i haven't had any issues but everybody is different & this avenue is definitely under-researched! (the mice were given 250mg/kg per day which for me would be like 27 grams but i am not a mouse lol)