#maybe I will delete this post I feel like I talked to much

[lesbianherald]

I’m going to phrase this delicately because I’m so deeply grateful and awed by the support I’ve received.

But I will say it is a little anxiety inducing how many people feel they can talk about coming home whatever way they want openly and publicly because it has “numbers” or whatever (referring to my own work like this makes me want to claw my eyes out because they baffle me and I don’t necessarily feel I deserve them but it’s important for context).

This is Especially true for the way people speak under things I very much see. Art of the fic. My Twitter mutuals posts. Things I will very obviously interact with. It feels like someone is walking into my back yard and talking shit as if I'm literally not standing in said yard like this 🧍

You make something for a community for free as an act of passion and then the community in turn becomes something that isn’t quite accessible to you anymore. I’ve seen this happen to a lot of fic writers in my previous fandoms and idk man it’s just kind of a bummer.

Like. Fanfic and fanart is made by people in the fandom for the fandom. It’s not work being produced by some distant people in Hollywood who shouldn’t be in the fandom space in the first place.

Idk, it’s actually pretty rare that this happens to me but I wanted to mention I am a human who can very much read the things you say guys 😭 like if you reblog art related to my work and call it a bunch of petty names and say you had to dnf I can see that. It’s totally ok to feel whatever way you want. But maybe don't feel that way in my back yard.

Again. I’m so grateful for everything I really am. You absolutely do not have to fuck with my work. Fuck I don't fuck with my work sometimes DKLFJSDHF. This is probably the last time I’ll talk about this because the last thing I want to do is come off like I can’t take criticism and I’m ungrateful. But sometimes I really am chewing at my enclosure like IM RIGHT HERE MAN IM LITERALLY BEHIND YOU HOW DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THAT.

[ask-icedouma]

lil update + irl stuffs ヽ(´□｀。)ﾉ

Sorry that mod hasn't been active as of late, I have been kinda in a slum lately. I have no guarantee when I'll answer questions consistently but mod really appreciates that you guys still enjoy this blog.

I haven't been doing well irl as of late because of my long time depression (ongoing for +15ish years wild) and because of this I've been failing my studies a lot. As of late I'm finally getting a little help as of going to my very first official therapy session.

I said official because most of the time I've only gone to temples. My family has been believing that I've been possessed by evil spirits my whole life and its pretty annoying. Tho I'm also sure that this is something common with our religious believes so I don't fully blame them. I've been trying and begging them to bring me to one for the longest time and it's finally happening! I don't know if it will help this time but it's some progress I'm willing to take.

Also! I feel sorry somehow for not interacting much. I've been wishing to talk to some of you/mutuals to get stuff of my mind or just talk about silly stuff but because most of you are writers I'm too intimidated sadgfhj if only I was literate *fist clenching and sulking*

Lastly here's some pictures of derpy Douma for reaching the end of this post.

[nabaath-areng]

I feel like a terrified animal on Bluesky and I just found out you can't make your profile private so WELP

[chaos-potat]

I feel like being mutuals means so much less than everyone makes it seem

You literally just follow each other, that's it

Most of my mutuals probably don't even remember who I am after I stopped drawing for them

Edit: the rant in the tags is more about being annoyed with people who tell me they like my art and follow me, but that's it, no art support at all

[pcktknife]

going on instagram fr makes me feel like I'm haunted by ghosts

[willczek-art]

D&D LMoP doodles! 👀✨

[midnightwind]

I want to go back to the time where I thought each faction got a little quest line just for them based on which you started as

[non-un-topo]

Just got a wave of affection for my horse OCs... as in, the random horses that appear in my fics

[deerest-deer]

thinking really hard about logging into my old tumblr acc after being gone for like a year and a half cause i stumbled upon a post that led me to my old mutuals and i teared up a lil </3 but also i feel so ashamed i left without saying a word to anyone aaaa

[avakitsune]

.

[velvetjune]

incredible to think that Alan Wake 2’s existence itself implies that maybe it’ll be about Alan finally leaving the dark place, directly solving the cliffhanger of Alan Wake 1, but instead now Saga, Casey, Rose, Tim, Alice, and (still) Alan are in the Dark Place. Genius subversion of expectations

[nobodybetterlookatme]

I've been working more events lately and I keep getting paired with one specific medic and some of my other coworkers told me that it's bc he's an asshole and everyone else hates working with him and apparently all his attempts at being a jerk to me have flown right over my head and I've therefore had no complaints so that's why my supervisor keeps partnering us up 😂😭

[fvckednddistvrbed]

i ate a lot today, not as much as other days, but still im disappointed with myself and starting to feel sick. why cant i be good at restriction? god this makes me wanna sh so fucking bad

[shdwtouch]

my mood / energy kinda tanked. just feeling meh :/ it's either adrenaline crash or overstimulation, idk. so imma take my meds and try to sleep. nini all ♡

[jorvikzelda]

it hurts. it hurts. it hurts. it hurts. it hurts

[elisedonut]

sudden itch to write a rare pair fic thats not Percy related

but like

the last time I did that it ended up becoming my top fic and lead to me deciding that you know... actually I hate that ship just out of spite so i'm not sure how good of an idea it is

maybe if i try like femslash or something super super rare with side characters or something