#maybe I should try harder

[keenestpeach]

.

I don’t want to keep complaining but I am having such a miserable time dating. If you can call it dating. I’m on four different apps, hardly get matches, don’t get replies to most of those. Which I know is like par for the course on these but it really is a hit to the self esteem. Especially hinge because on other apps you can tell yourself the people liking you is simply not mutual and that’s why there’s no match but hinge will just show you everyone who likes a photo. I redownload it after months and only had two likes waiting for me.

I went on a date last week that was mid. Not terrible but no chemistry with the guy whatsoever. And that was the first date I’d been on in a year. I don’t know what else to do to meet people. I do a few meetups and I’m so happy for the friends I’ve made there but they are just friends.

I really am just super lonely. Came back from a friends house tonight and it’s just a crash because that’s the only socializing/physical touch I get for the next two weeks. I don’t see any other friends irl with any kind of frequency. I live alone. If I don’t go out there is a high chance I will simply not speak at all that day. Not out loud. I find myself just hopping from app to app trying to find anyone to talk to.

I can dream or fantasize that one day I’ll find someone but realistically, I know it won’t happen. This is just the life I’m going to have. Maybe I can be content with it. I like having space and not having to accommodate others in my home. But there are these pockets of loneliness.

There’s no conclusion to this. Im just not feeling great right now. :/

[lonelyinkcap]

i feel awful

doing this

its

so hypocritical

but he doesnt need to know

no one needs to know

[ganondoodle]

(zelda comic wip)

the struggle with art continues but there is some sort of progress happening for chapter 2

[adhdandcomics]

perhaps the most important question i’ve ever asked:

does anyone have tips for people trying to stop being chronically late to everything in the world that aren’t weirdly judgmental and aggressive or flat out lies

[humanmorph]

THE SHIT THAT YOU HATE / DON'T MAKE YOU SPECIAL

oh gucci

[monkee-mobile]

It’s back again! today’s the day! today is…

WEIRD GIRL WEDNEZDAY!!!

ALWAYS remember… just keep it in mind… that SHE ^ !!! (michael) ⬆️

is WEIRD.

a weird girl…

[morgana-ren]

Love that Tumblr had banned nsfw artists and artwork, but the fuckin bot accounts are not only unbelievably rabid, but actively recommended to me to the point I scroll, report, scroll scroll scroll, report, scroll, report, report, scroll ad infinium.

They can catch a piece of artwork that shows a smidgeon of tit within literally 24 hours and delete it, but "hi ❤️ my name is JULIYYA and I have HUGE BREADSTS. Call me NOW ❤️" with a picture of some woman crotch out with her fingers fishing in is actively recommended to me.

You say your site is crashing and desperately needs money, and you say apple is SO STRICT about nsfw, so why aren't the bots a priority? Why are they seemingly actively propped by the site? Why are they allowed to TAG their spam WITH CHILD-FRIENDLY TAGS? Why hasn't apple shut us down already if they're so anti-nsfw when literally EVERYONE had a sexbot problem?

Watch this post get a mature content warning, ironically enough.

[markantonys]

just accidentally stumbled on an egwene hate reddit thread and everyone was bitching about how she tries to act like rand's equal when she's only the second-most powerful authority figure on the continent, and one sane person was like "well, balance was a huge theme of the series, so it's pretty clear that RJ did consider the dragon and the amyrlin two halves of a whole and that rand is meant to be egwene's equal co-authority rather than her superior" and of course they were downvoted to hell. and this one little thread just really epitomizes how the readers who approach WOT as a male power fantasy just fundamentally will never understand the series and its themes and the story it was ACTUALLY telling.

[grapecaseschoices]

so i'm leaning toward briala-celene [ugh] or public truce*. but i wanted to know ...

*I've been reading posts/articles that state that public truce isn't best long run ... but it isn't like the inquisitor would KNOW that.

[toorurii]

Hey! I feel like you should know that your art is being actively fed Into ai, like there's an entire bot thingy with the main purpose of mimicking your artsyle on some weird site 😬

https://pixai.art/model/1717601251902205889

ik and I already looked into it...... like I have no clue how to even begin to report or do anything abt it bc clearly the site is made specifically to bar actual artists from repremanding anyone. Looked through the whole TOS and help sections of the site months ago and there's nothing helpful in it at all... I've just done my best to ignore it bc like it makes me feel sooo fucking bad knowing that I'm literally helpless against it.

Def no hard feelings bc ik u just wanted to let me know, and if anyone KNOWS any ways to actually get this taken down I would be so grateful (preferrably that isn't super involved and won't require big boy stuff like lawyers and stuff bc I ain't got time for that), and once again no hard feelings but in the future I would prefer this isn't brought up to me w/o active solutions bc once again it just makes me feel frustrated and helpless all over again 😭

[philtatosbuck]

not to descendants post but it's crazy to me people are still looking at the core four like "you should have saved and liberated the entire isle within a month of being in auradon" girl what. how much power do people realistically think they had over auradon for them to do this without being evil about it (which y'all also hate)

[catboybrain]

i dunno if its just who im following rn but im really rocked lately by all the division btwn transfems and transmascs on my dash... where is this coming from .?

[zebratimw]

Spirit animal SQH

[redheadedfailgirl]

From 'Dream of a woman' By Cacey Plett.

This sums up exactly how I feel about most transition timelines. As much as they reflect people's experiences, they are also a narrative. And the narratives that get shared the most tell a lot about what our values are. The timelines that get the most attention are the ones where people go from sad, loser, nothing boys into beautiful women.

But if you go to /r/transitiontimelines or a similar place, and sort by controversial or look at what has the least likes, its people who made timelines when they still don't 'pass' yet. Even if they're happy as can be, that's not what people are looking for.

I think it says a lot about what people expect from trans women, that they only want to see us be beautiful. In some cases, that they want to believe they can be beautiful. So there is no value in trans life if you're not beautiful.

[aceofstars16]

Prayers appreciated I guess. Mental health is still eh and spiritual health isn’t any better.

[amethystina]

i still like your idea of the fanfic where, soohyun gets injured but doesn't die, and the rest is canon but gaon doesn't know yohan is alive... You put it in one of the chapters note (i forgot which chapter) i am a sucker for angst and i like to give myself sadness lol... I can imagine how broken and angst ridden gaon would be. It would be a devastating sight but also delicious.

It is a fascinating thought! But, admittedly, also the idea I'm the least likely to write out of all the ones I've come up with — for the very same reason why you like it x'D

I'm really not a fan of angst and sadness and, sometimes, I can look at a story idea and realise that it wouldn't be fun for me to write. And this one is, unfortunately, one of those. Because it would focus so much on Ga On's grief and his failing relationship with Soo Hyun and I just... don't want to write that?

Sure, it would be fascinating, but also way too depressing for me. Partly because I don't see an easy solution. Like, even if Ga On eventually finds out that Yo Han is alive, just how bad would he feel? How bad would they both feel? And just how much more pain and anguish would they have to wade through? Would they even be willing to try?

Basically, now that I've had time to think about it further, I've realised that it just doesn't work. The math isn't mathing in this scenario, at least not for a fic written in my fairly realistic and down-to-earth style.

Because it would, quite frankly, be easier for them to just cut their losses and continue living their separate lives. I think the hurt would be too much for either of them to come to terms with and reconcile. So, on top of being a very depressing story overall, it wouldn't have a happy ending, either. Which means it immediately gets disqualified because I only want happy endings xD

I wouldn't be able to give it a happy ending with a clear conscience because, sure, we all know Yo Han is a vicious asshole and Ga On is good at forgiving him. But this?

Faking his own death for months, maybe years, and not telling Ga On about it, instead leaving him to grieve — on top of all the guilt he's already feeling? And for what? Because Yo Han was hurt? Because he was jealous of Soo Hyun? Because he wanted to punish Ga On?

Well, Yo Han would certainly achieve that.

Ga On would be an absolute wreck.

And, to be entirely honest with you, I think Ga On would be too broken after spending only god knows how long thinking Yo Han is dead because of him. Because, let's face it — that's what Ga On would believe.

I wouldn't know how to fix that. I don't want to fix it because if Yo Han truly did all that to Ga On — something so vindictive and cruel — I'd side with Soo Hyun and say that it's probably best for the two of them to stay apart. Because, clearly, they're going to destroy each other eventually. Especially since Ga On would most likely become suicidal again. And Yo Han must have predicted that might happen but still chose not to tell Ga On about being alive.

And, sure, I understand being hurt and angry — Yo Han has no obligation to forgive Ga On for the things he did. But to intentionally choose to put another person — someone you care about — in a situation where you know they might end up wanting to take their own life? Just to get revenge?

Unforgivable, in my opinion.

But that leads us to the part where we also have to ask if Yo Han truly would do that and, personally, I don't think so. Maybe that's me giving Yo Han too much grace, but I really don't think he'd be that cruel considering how much he cares about Ga On. Maybe he wants Ga On to suffer a bit, sure, but not die.

So, in the end, the whole thing is a bit of a moot point x'D

The scenario doesn't work with how I choose to interpret these characters.

I think a more likely outcome if Soo Hyun doesn't die is that Yo Han would still do all the things he does in the drama, including telling Ga On that he's alive, but then go radio silent. Like, go to Switzerland and just focus on himself and Elijah. But do it more firmly than in Who Holds the Devil when he always had plans to return. Here he wouldn't.

Which is painful, too, but not quite as bad as "I'm knowingly letting you think you had a hand in killing me." And Ga On would still wallow and he'd still realise that his relationship with Soo Hyun isn't what he thought it would be, but without the looming threat of Ga On's (in my opinion) likely suicide. They might actually be able to reconcile eventually.

But, even then, I'm not sure if this is a story I would want to write. At least not right now when I'm already struggling with both my physical and mental well-being. It just wouldn't be healthy for me and, most likely, not something I'd enjoy. Some people get a feeling of release and catharsis from writing about difficult things, but I'm not one of them. I just end up feeling worse because I have to immerse myself in the misery to a point where I just sink even deeper into it.

So while I agree that this is an interesting and quite dramatic scenario, I've realised it's just not for me. In more ways than one xD

But if someone else wants to write it, then go for it! :D