#maybe I should also fix my sleep
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had a dream i was in a grimdark magical girl yuri setting, so when i woke up i made it real (and bug themed)
bonus details under the cut:
So basically, a small town was secretly holding onto a box containing an evil god, that the local group of magical girls accidentally stumbled on and opened. The thing inside it wasted no time in starting to destroy the world, and for an unknown reason, one of the magical girls even joined forces with it. The rest of the girls managed to beat them, saving the world, but ended up dying from the curse it left on them soon after.
After dying, butterflies girl looped back in time before the box got opened, and decided to keep the box for herself, to make sure its evil influence (box thing yapping at you to let her out) wouldn't get to her beloved friends. Box thing constantly draws in her allies to the town to break her out & tries to convince butterflies girl to please let her out.
Also here's a really rough relationship chart for your interest:
#oc#original character#my art#artists on tumblr#my artwork#drawing#digital art#doodle#scetch#scetched only bc im tiwed and cant be bothered to do refined stuff#theres stuff that i should go back & fix buttt its time to sleep i dont wanna#basically for extra details the small town is also rly shitass (mightve had something to do with beetles girl joining hands with the thing#to burn it down lol)#butterflies girl had a really tragic backstory so she would do Anything to protect the first nice thing she has (her magical girl friends)#box god wants to burn the whole world down in order to create something more to her liking from its ashes#also yeag it might not be the clearest but shes the one furthest to the left on the drawing. the crow one#centipede & katydid girls i will Think About#but theyre probly yuri together in secret from their dogshit town#maybe ill draw them again maybe i wont#also the girls are all young adults & have been working on this line here for a while even before the box reveal
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It’s Pride Month =}
#bonus#pride#pride month#lgbtq#it’s pride month#you know what that means#Can you tell I like orange#And also I’m still bingeing the vampire diaries late into the night despite the fact I have to get up early tomorrow to draw the dragon#Before I go to work#Night me regrets nothing#Morning me will regret everything#Enjoy my sleep deprived doodles#Any hoo#Yay the dragons are gay#Man I’m just rambling at this point#Maybe I should try to fix my sleep schedule#….#ha yeah right
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I want to listen to The Amazing Devil, I really do
Unfortunately, my stupid brain is hyperfixating on Lord Huron RN and I cannot think of any album aside from Vide Noir and Strange Trails
I CAN'T EVEN GO TO LONG LOST??
It is absolutely ridiculous how much I want to listen to something else, but nothing is itching my brain right like those albums.
Someone like... Poke me to listen to something else.
#lord huron#WHYYYYYYYYY?????#I JUST WANT TO LISTEN TO SOMETHING ELSE#BUT NOTHING IS HITTING LIKE ANCIENT NAMES AND YAWNING GRAVE AND WHEN THE NIGHT IS OVER#also#the amazing devil#maybe i should go listen to Ruin to get out of this#it's probably the stupid Morrowind crossover#i wanna play Morrowind too#but i just got Skyrim fixed and my dumb dumb brain is like#“there is nothing else. only Skyrim”#and i want to cry because i feel like I'm not being productive and there's other stuff i want to do but i CAN'T#vent#this is a vent#i think i shall go sleep.
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I have this deeply unfortunate condition where I cannot absorb verbal information without doodling, but also I have the drawing skills of young child and the permanently shaky hands of a wizened crone SO the results are. Unfortunate.
I am definitely making a great impression on my classmates and future colleagues by scrawling stick-figure patho characters next to them while they’re trying to listen to orientation lectures 👍🏻
anyway this (+ illegible handwriting) is why I can never lend people my notes. termitarywallart.jpg
#my art inspires questions in the mind of the spectator. such as ‘ok then…?’ and ‘yeah but like. why’#do not kill the part of you that is cringe. kill the part of you that cringes :)#on another note#i won’t say it again: bloodstains should be considered business casual. maybe business formal#i need to fix my sleep schedule and generally get my shit together#it’s going great#anyway your honor those are my emotional support scrimblo bimblos. my comfort scrunklies. my favorite special little guys#pathologic#pathologic 2#мор. утопия#silly pathologic doodles#fully forgot what the executor mask looks like. also fully forgot what birds look like#katerina saburova#clara saburova#rat prophet#the 2nd one is me every time they try to take my blood#i have shitty veins#rats: they’re just like us!
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my niece stayed with us last night. it was pretty fun this time, probably because I was feeling better (if I'm already in pain or exhausted, I can't handle it). after we dropped her off, we talked to my mother for a little bit, and then drove to my in-laws. we were there for a few hours and because the guys were busy outside, i ended up talking to my mother-in-law for most of that time. it was... kind of good? I don't know. she actually showed some real emotions, just a little bit, but hey that's more than ever before! I even gave her a weird little shoulder squeeze/side hug, it was so weird.
anyway, I almost fell asleep in the car on the way home because I was so tired, and actually did fall asleep immediately on the couch.
#it's pretty annoying because my mother-in-law of course asked me how applying for jobs is going. I haven't applied for a single one yet#bc dude I can barely get through the day. I sleep for 12-16 hours a day. and I'm almost always in some kind of pain. and I'm not doing so#good mentally either. come on! I interacted with a handful of people in one day and had to sleep for like 6 hours.#anyway so I said it's a bit difficult because I'm constantly tired - it felt like the only thing she might kind of understand?#annnd she said its probably a vitamin D deficiency and I should get that tested (I won't because I'd have to pay for that and also I think I#read that taking vitamin D supplements doesn't actually help? I can't remember now and I don't want to look it up bc I know it definitely is#not the only or even main reason I am always tired.#I took vitamin D tablets for several months last year (?) bc my previous GP recommended it and. it did absolutely nothing at all#plus. like. I can't sleep. I sleep like shit. always. so. idk? that definitely doesn't help#and I sleep more when I'm in pain and all that too. so.#and she knows I have a bunch of health issues but. nope it's vitamin D because that's one thing and it's simple and here take a pill you're#fine now! wait why aren't you fine now? oh I guess you're just lazy 🙄#< that's 100% how that would go#ugh. Just let me sleep for 5-10 years. maybe that'd fix me....#like. I'm trying to get myself back (?) to being an actual human person again. I'm trying to figure out what's wrong with me. I'm trying to#live and not feel like I'm drowning every fucking day#finding a job is only gonna add more stress and exhaustion and everything. if I want to try to help myself this is the time to do it#okay rant over I'm going to sleep now#personal
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#hm . feeling Weird#life has just . been happening lately . but none of it feels like it's been happening to Me i'm just kinda . there#or like . i can have a very intense experience like emotionally and then a day later i can barely remember how i felt during it ??#the last weeks have been wild . but also theyve been so normal . i don't fucking know#nothing is happening and yet so much is happening ! get me out !!!#man . 2 weeks till end of term . maybe thatll fix me#also i should fix my sleep schedule perhaps#dude i don't fucking know . why the hell did i quit therapy#s.txt
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I think I got possibly the absolute worst outcome for the tribunal you could possibly get and then slept from 12pm to 7pm
#SEVEN FUCKING PEOPLE DEAD#jesus christ#i dont think it couldve gone worse#im googling two seconds#yep jesus christ the only possible death i didnt get was kourtenar and i dont think i wouldve given a shit if he died#what the hell hiw did i fuck it up so unbelievably fucking bad#i failed some checks i really fucking shouldnt have#jesus this is what i get for being bad at murder mysteries#motherfucker#i actually feel genuinely really awful like sick to my stomach#my teeth started chattering during it i was so hopped up and stresssssed#fuck im tempted to cheese it to try get a better outcome but shit man i dont think i personally could#i have no idea how i could have fixed any of it i fucked up before i even walked into it#god what the fuck#im like genuinely embarrassed and kind of ashamed?#someone said you have to let shanky run how do you do that i genuinely do not remember a decision like that#fuckin cheesecloth brain fucking hell#couldnt have gone worse if ibfuckin tried#motherfucking disco elysium#this is so embarrassing admitting this#the power of friendship DID in fact fail me#well now i have to play the game and not fuck up like an idiot#god i feel so terrible how did i screw things uo so much#admittedly maybe i should be nicer to myself considering i'd maybe gotten 3 hours of sleep yesterday and had been awake for nearly 24 hours#(ive been sleeping weird dont worry about it)#but man i dont think i couldve made it go much better but even 6 deaths is better than 7#sprry for the long tags i am just miserable#i also think im sick? maybe a covid test in my future
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Oghhhhhhh I need to sleep,,,,, but my brain is so full of things,,,,,,,,,,, ouhhhhh I wanna draw,,,,,,,,,,, but I am wayyyy too damn eepy to draw,,,,,,,,,hudhshusjshdsj
#i rlly thought i could sleep w/o a melatonin gummy smh😔#ouhhssjdjdndn this is the worstdhskcnjs#storm rambles#midnight ramblings#<even thiugh its already 1 am-#man should i pull an all nighter?#i feel like i should to fix my sleep shedule#buttttttt its not *that* bad#but also i feel like shit when it *does* get that bad#so maybe i should pull an all nighter before it gets bad......#but also im sooo fucin eepy-#but also i cant sleeeeppppppo#and if i take a melatonin *now* id still wake up late regardless#but if i stay up and accidentally fall asleep in the middle of the day my sleep would get even *more* fucked up#but if i *didnt* and it actually worked id get to go to sleep early and wake up!! early!!!!#oghhh but i dont want to#ghhhhhh but no i kinda do#oughhh the choice between melatonin or caffeine#man im too tired for this sjit goodnight
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do i wanna be u or do i wanna see u
#dang this is the first time in a while that ive been up past 10pm#im kinda sleepy but i really dont wanna sleep . i realised that i like staying up a little too much even tho i get really tired at school#like i literally fixed my sleep schedule but im actively trying to fuck it up again . me thinks ..... that i need a lobotomy#or maybe i should just be put down. thats better#WHO FINALLY GOES FROM SLEEPING 3HRS TO 12+ HRS .... AT HUMANS HRS TOO . BUT PREFERS 3HRS???#apparently im that ediot#also im obsessed w this band again#been difficult since i cut off that friend but i will be okay its been 7 months w no contact w him . hershey is strong tbh
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aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaauauuuuuuuuuuuuuuuhhgggggggggggghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh
#thoughts from hel#so basically i submitted a cover letter with some highlighted text in random colors bc i forgot to unhighlight them before submitting#(i highlight things to remember to change them for each job app but i might have to deprecate that practice after this)#and then i realized and was like oh fuck and i was like well maybe i should just own it y'know. it's me being super innovative and creative#and also since i highlight stuff to change all the highlighted texts were the most relevant parts of the cover letter anyway#but the highlighting job was messy as hell after i dragged sentences to and fro all over it while i was formulating that thing. like#the highlighting started kind of in the middle of my sentence and had extra highlighted spaces and colors n stuff it was. haphazard.#so i was like okay. i probably can't gaslight (by sending psychic vibes to the recruiter-- since it's an online form#with no direct communication between me and them whatsoever) the recruiter into reasonably thinking this highlighting job#was on purpose. so i spent a full like TWO EXTRA HOURS spiraling into “can i submit the form twice or should i just take the L on this”#and ultimately submitted it a second time with the fixed letter. uhhh hopefully it was the fixed one but i'm too tired to care now#part of the job description was “attention to detail” so i definitely failed that one the first time around but the recruiter#who reads (hopefully. because with how saturated the job market is now they might not even do that) my apps#had BETTER see all the fucking attention to detail i paid to making sure my decision to resubmit would be a good one#telepathically. of course. (the difference between overthinking and attention to detail is how much you are appreciated)#i literally went on so many forums and the help page for the recruiting application website thing to find out how exactly they handled#duplicate applications bro i could RECITE this shit to anyone now. fuck#time to go to sleep. tomorrow is a new day. with ten+ more companies to apply to. 👍
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My god…this day…what a mess
#got into an accident and then got into another accident trying to get the rest of the way in my moms van while my car was in the shop#then my mechanic called and said the car wouldn’t be fixed today because the parts didn’t come in#due to the storm that made likely caused the accident in the first place#but work was fine and tomorrow I should get my own car back#on god if I don’t watch tv tonight I will perish#I’m gonna watch bridgerton and maybe also spy family#and then sleep sleep sleep
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help it would be really great to have time management skills rn
#i’ve got to do guitar#and songwriting#and record said songs#and facetime my friend#and do the celebration asks#and do this art project for my wall#and i’ve got a bunch of things i need to text ppl abt (cannot remember what but there’s things)#and i’ve got like 6 hours bc i also need to fix my sleep schedule yay#except i’m going out rn and probs won’t be back for ages#actually it’s fine bc i’ve got like a week to do most of these#until school starts#ew#why is school starting in a week#that is not okay#why is FEBRUARY in a week#THAT IS NOT OKAY#it has not been a month of 2024 i refuse to believe it#its still 2023 actually#i have not processed#wow that’s a lot of tags shit maybe i should process#just dandy thoughts
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................................................................................. i colored the hair on the wrong layer.
#i dont want to go to sleep but at the same time..... im so tired in general. i think some sleep will fix me. and maybe [redacted] as well.#man. ive been feeling sooo lonely recently like. ???? im never like this wtf . anyway im seeing friends tmr so hopefully ive filled up my#social battery by then haha#why is it that i feel lonely but also my battery is drained?? << knows exactly why. i need [redacted] yeah thatll fix me.#maybe i should stop listening to this song. maybe thats affectign me (this has happened before)#anywayyyyyyyyy gnnnnnn#nova.txt
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Was gonna sleep in. Instead woke up randomly at 5 am and have been writing a fix it steddyhands fic since then
I work in like. six hours. I have gotten maybe four hours sleep. Today is a double shift day that'll have me working bit late into the night.
This is fine.
#text post#i want to go back to sleep for a bit but#first gonna make sure i have this draft in a place i can pick it up again to finish later#get up and maybe hit the bathroom to see how my hair looks post sleep lol#to figure out if Housemate and I need to do any additional hair cutting later to even the current cut out#there's also a bunch of finale related posts i wanna reblog to my vent blog#bc those are all mostly going there now since even with anon off ppl can't behave which isn't surprising but also#god im tired can i just be allowed my complex and to my own frustration occasionally conflicting emotions abt this show#that hit literally all my special interests and mirrored my own traumas in such a huge way as to make me work on parts of myself#id previously resigned to just shoving in the box in my head#apparently the answer is no so. private vent blog gets those reblogs#and this blog will get a more neutered and rare set of reblogs abt the finale if any#and way more fix it fic and focusing on what i do still appreciate abt the show and of course me posting abt izzy lol#that's never going away lmao so if it bugs you that i still love and post abt him just unfollow and block me lmaooo#how you wouldn't have already by this point is boggling if it actually bugged anyone that much but#i digress im tired and should try and get back to sleep. maybe dream up more for this latest fic draft
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my apartment is a torture chamber i will never sleep through the night again etc etc etc
#after four years of living in this beautiful apartment that i love the pipes have just begun to make fucking crazy ass noises#that happen mostly when my upstairs neighbor showers before 7 AM every day#and also seemingly occasionally when my next door neighbor showers#around 5 AM.#which is not their fault they should be allowed to shower whenever they want.#HOWEVER. what perhaps IS my upstairs neighbor's fault#is how they stomp around and drag furniture around and do fucking jumping jacks at 9 pm or fucking whatever it is they're doing#and wake up and just leave their alarm on for like ten minutes. and also stomp around at that time.#anyway if the shower noise wasn't happening i could tolerate any of this but the shower noise genuinely makes me feel like i'm being tortur#d#and at first the apartment management tried to fix it but now they've become hostile and mean about it#because 'no one else in the complex is complaining about the noise'#YEAH. FINE. WHATEVER. I DON'T CARE. MAYBE I'M THE ONLY ONE WHO CAN HEAR IT#OR THE ONLY ONE WHO CARES. FUCK WHATEVER. I JUST NEED TO SLEEP THROUGH THE FUCKING NIGHT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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idk whats up today but things feel Bad™ but I also have a bit of energy for once, so I'm just kind of going from room to room to sit nervously for a bit before moving onto the next room to sit nervously in there too
#i will take an anxiety med maybe? but i should save it for this afternoon when i have my group im supposed to go to fjfkdl#i dont think i should take two in one day#they dont last v long though argh#i feel very nauseous fjfkdl i would play piano if i could to get out excess nervous energy but my dad is sleeping so arr eye pee me#i have a to-do list but i feel sick so i cant Do anything and also im shaking so fjdkdl I can't work on any fine motor activities either#aughhh i wish i could play piano fjdldl it would fix this a bit#i cant even go for a walk bc my paranoia is so so so bad today fjfkdl i might be able to step outside at least?#pippen needs 2nd breakfast
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