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emoooooo · 4 months ago

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Dearest Nothing and Everything!

Today I feel absolutely in nothing, it has no bounds, no ends, no limits and absolutely no guilt. My heart is aching.

I would say that you are what teaches me so much sometimes. And sometimes I wonder if it even was the right age to be learning all of that. I mean, kinda too early to have such a big chunk of my heart taken out and roam around the world with a hole in my heart isn't it? But not like you care, or ever did. I am beginning to recollect and count the moments in my head when you actually did give a shit. Probably never. It was just you being chivalrous. Maybe I mistook every single thing from you in the past 4 years of my life. Maybe I was living a lie every single day and making myself believe it, with all my might. And hell, did I believe it or what?

You know the thing is, if you have loved someone less, or cared less, or not waited for their texts 24 hours on a regular day in your life, it becomes easier, to forget, to let it go. But if someone is the only serotonin you ever have, for the past four years. And every morning, you wake up expecting to see a certain blip on your phone with a specific name and a moon emoji next to it, things become difficult when you don't. Things become slightly ugh-ish when they sleep and you didn't get to tell them “yk i made pizza today” or “you know i met a person and we talked about love, and in the pink of my cheeks when i blushed, they read your name”. Or “i saw a cute little spot to sit outside, it had fairylights and that yellow reminded me of you” or “the taxi we ordered today had the last alphabets as a combination of your and mine initials”.

Anywayy.. it is kinda obsessive thinking about someone in that manner, isn’t it? But, i believe men initiate the stage of communication. They know form you in the starting that heyy, i cannot spend a minute away from you. They send you stuff, or bring up stuff, or surf through their photos, to show you the randomest things so that the conversation doesn’t die. And when you get hooked to the feeling of him being around, suddenly it is too big of a task for them to keep you in the loop.

I think men could do anything that they aren’t asked to do. But i also didn’t ask for you to send me letters, or reply to my instagram story, or text me every single day at 4 pm in the Covid days. I also didnt ask you to mess up everything by flirting with me daily, or writing our initials on any surface you found. Or writing imy notes for me to keep in your wallet the first day you went to work. Or telling me about family heirlooms your mom kept for your bride to be.

This was my biggest nightmare you know, being so dumb, letting someone conquer my mind and heart and soul so much that i dont know what id be if they arent around, and then them leaving me. To fight all this on my own. Proving me wrong. Mocking my decisions of practicality with a loud laugh.

You were an exception to everything I deemed of everyone, and I seriously honestly wasn’t ready for a life lesson at this point in my life. Sometimes, a part of me desires to run back to you. Running with all my possible might. But I often find something in me questioning “to what do you wanna run back to?” as of there actually is something or someone who could be waiting for me. As if you've left a door open, in fact, you have left all doors open but made me so miserable that I couldn't even get up and reach the door behind you. I keep wishing you come back, even if to close those doors for a last time. I wish you would just look back even for once. And to be honest I didn't plan a single thing I would do once you are there. I don't know what will I say to you. All my words have escaped me. But all I know is that I do not wish for a thing more than I do of this.

Maybe we can never go back to what we were. Maybe I can never move back to find the man who wrote moon mails for me. All I know, however, is that if this was not the man I would want to spend my whole eternity with. There couldn't be another. I cannot change homes so soon, maybe I am not as strong as you. Maybe it was you I was a rest house and you could move to another packing all your bags so easily. I couldn't. I have all the things lying in the room of my heart. That yellow-colored room with a fingerprint heart canvas framed at its entrance, with letters lying around and scented candles smelling of coffee and rain and pinecones. I still have a yellow file in my most precious locker, which has a tiny hair strand on it, that I never dared remove. A leaf in a book, and a bit of you in all of this. I miss you. Ugh, why is it such a hard thing to say? Why do my bones feel weaker and my blood cooler as I admit to myself that I in fact miss you? In a way that in Turkish it would sound something like seni özledim.

I wish to meet you again, somewhere in life, and look at your eyes once. And look into them, look into your soul. To see if my heart was right, giving favor to you despite all. It is adamant that you could never be wrong. And I know I am right about souls. I am sure of it. The time, the thought, reasoning, and life, could've been different but I know it wasn't you. Even if it was, I know there would've been a split-second or perhaps more than that where you felt something as well.

The most terrible thing is.. You didn't try. I loved a man, with my blood, soul, the spur of my bones and all my motor nerve signals.. and he didn’t try for me. Even for a split second. I am so pathetically on love with you that it would’ve probably taken me just you calling out my name for me to move back in to your world. But the thing is bee, everything could probably still be fine.. maybe or maybe not. But i cannot take the pain of you not trying for this out of my heart. It is a stab wound, and the knife is still in your hands.. it would keep hurting and hurting until it is taken out. And i know you wouldn’t try. And i know it wouldn’t be fixed.

All i think about is, what did I really do to deserve this. I get it you’re troubled and tired but i dont know what was my fault in all this. I didn’t sign up for these headaches snd sleepless nights and breakdowns. Why do I have to be in severe pain just because you are.. why can’t you let someone heal it.. or at least bandage it for a bit.

That is the thing with writers, you probably think I cannot let go of you.. true.. although all my life, i also believed that writers heal people. It is just one magical word of tassali, or something curated so beautifully that could heal all that is wrong. And i believed I could do that, especially for the man i loved. And it just doesn’t sit right with me that all my love and empathy and gentle warm heart isn’t enough to make him believe in life again.. that i am not the sole source of hope in his life.

That i couldn’t be the ray of sunshine he said i was..

Ever hurting,

Emaan.

18th Aug, 2024

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spoopywhiskers · 8 months ago

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Boi don't let me fall asleep during a snapcube persona 3 stream i got into some weird dreamception shit

I was the mc makoto (sadly not the pastrami variant) and we were sitting at a lunch table in a corridor wating for them to announce the exam results and then akihiko is like you guys we found fukka and places her like a stray kitten by the scruff at the spare seat and were all like yooo yoo hi fuuka and all handshake and great her like it totally not japan

And as soon i shake her hand the social link pops up and makoto flavoured me is like out loud to fuuka "tf thats not supposed to happen yet" and she just telepathicalluly goes to me "tee hee dw i read your mind and knew you wanted to minmax your social links mr wildcard so id thought you get started early"

So we keep waiting and we end up waiting so long that i fall aleep in dream and suddely im still makto but in a dream dreaming as him dreaming of being stuck in this mcdonals "MEGA BALPIT PLAYPLEX" but

everythings in the style of the persona 3 menus and lavenza is there in a mcdonals employee uniform for some fucking reason and shes like "tee hee the only way to get down without jumping is thought the TUBE SLIDE MAZE OF LOST SOULS and i look over the edge and like theres a good like 3-4 story diving board fall into an outside ballpit next to the burger ordering place and im like "hehahhahaha NAHHHH IM NOT DOIN THAT"

so i have to make my way down through the maze and the whole time im so consious that all the faceless little kids are looking at me like why is this big guy here and whys he keep getting lost the idiot and the whole time ynknow when your consious of your dreaming and you can still feel your body irl, it was like that but the body i was feeling was my first layer dream self as makoto under the fucking lunch table snoring like some cartoon charater

Anyway i eventually find a velvet room door in the maze and have to fuse a few specific personas correctly to proceed and igor(who is dressed as a clown) is like "ok bro you can wake up now." So i wake up back to the first layer of my dream cause yukari woke me up and i was liek "wait tf did i miss the results" and so i go see and turns out i was DOCKED A POINT FOR FALLING ASLEEP DURING THE RESULTS CEREMOMY and im like "WHAT TF YUKARI WHY DIDNT YOU WAKE ME UP" and shes like "awww i couldn't you looked so peacefull comedically passed out under the lunch table like that,i couldn't bring myself to wake you, plus youve been like not sleeping properly cause you've been up grinding tartarus the past week" and im just as makoto going "YUKARI THATS NOT HOW IT WORKS! YUKARI THEY DOCKED ME A POINT CAUSE I FEEL ASLEEP! YUKARI THEY LOCKED ME IN THE FUCKING MCDONALS PLAYPEN FROM HELL YUKARI WHY DIDNT YOU SAVE ME!!!!"

and then i wake up for real just as penny ends steam and my half asleep brain is so sad that it doent actually happen like that in game ...

#this is from ages ago but i wanna posy it now cause it funny af #gremlins random chaos #gremlins dream journal ig #rambles

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moomoomooing · 10 months ago

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mild rant? mostly thoughts :)

yk ive just not been a fan of how quickly my mood and possible depression is flipping from eberythings fine and im only a little stressed but its ok! to jesus fuck let me rot (projects and deadlines are suddenly piled up and its overwhelming, but i also feel like this when i have nothing i can do)

i try to keep on a shower schedule cause of my class times (i have night classes half of the days so i shower on my off days) but it means i gotta be nasty for a day on sunday till i shower that night. and i never have the willpower to go to the studio feeling nasty,,, even if it wouldve been great to get work done and satiate the restlessness i get from being in my dorm all day

but i didnt and now im plagued with guilt and more stress/ anxiety yippees

on another note my roommate is really REALLY good at finding ALL of my triggers for anxiety or fight or flight responses. so far they nailed using my mirror/being TOO close to my belongings without asking (they eventually asked and i gave permission out of being nice but i severely dislike it and it makes me hyperaware of everything she does when i hear her close to my dresser). they got my i will tense up and not breathe till its over response to alarm sounds (i hate them theyre incredibly anxiety inducing and i always wake up before my alarm usually out of fear. thankfully now my alarms a last resort/reminder of time if i dont wake up early). and!! they let the door slam (boo loud noises), are constantly on a call they often dont wear earbuds for and talk really loudly half the time, or is on call past 12 am (i feel intrusive and also please i cant sleep if youre on call)

theres also other general icks that are hopefully getting better? im noticing less of smth that i hate that they do (its a not cleaning after yourself type deal) but it could just be coincidence

oh also im trying to apply for jobs (remote part-times or internships) and frankly im scared. the reason it took me so long to get a job in highschool was also straight fear and anxiety lmao

i would love money tho (pssst i have commissions open :D)

OW SHARP RINGING NOISE WHERE DID YOU COME FROM????????? ALL OF THE WHITE NOISE DISSAPEARED AND ITS ONLY THAT

anyways i got another strike of hypersensitive skin??? no idea what causes it but it made the underneath of my forearm feel like i scraped it across concrete. 0/10 i didnt have a pleasant showering experience

oh on a better note being so far removed from my family and the fact we basically never call or text has been quite freeing

its like when i was actually at public highschool and had agency over myself in a way i didnt have when my mom was around (basically her presence was usually STRESS)

on a lesser note i havent been talking with my two other friends (ill call em the trio, them plus me) and its been kinda radio silence from everyone? i havent exactly been great either but my infrequent requests for vcs are usually ignored or not responded too which sucks. it makes me more paranoid than id like to be

our time difference definitely makes it way harder too tho, im ahead by a few hours. ik weve gone months without talking before then picked it right back up, but im always scared during the radio silence anyways

im always scared and curious abt other ppls opinions on me, usually the ppl i consider friends. ik one of my friends likes me? but their friends (the 4 of us will be rooming together next year, theyre also technically my friends but my usually point of contact with them is through my friend) i cant tell how much they like me? its probably my unfamiliarity with them but it makes me nervous for no reason

anyways if you actually read all of this, sorry for taking away your time? i reccomend soft gepard x sampo (hsr) fics to soothe the mind, theyre cute.

also hey haha if youre one of the two friends, literally the nickels, are reading this? erase it from your mind please and thanks

#maybe thinking abt giving your cat a signed consent form to allow them to eat your corpse should you die and the baby has no food #isnt exactly a normal and perfectly sane thought #but what if the baby needs it bc someone tried to be mean abt it :(#jesus ok maybe i should fight with my mom again for some diagnosis #i got told that my level of anxiety is totally normal and i just need to deal with it

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credulouscanidae · 11 months ago

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i think. it's because i got denied an appointment to start hrt again despite giving all the history + diagnosis. nhs isnt going to help me. i had a massive breakdown about that. i was told i need to send the docs, sent them off couple weeks before christmas, sent a follow up email as i didnt get a reply back early jan, then called up asking for an update, only to be told that they apparently sent a letter to my old gp about denying me an appt. and then got all indignant when i asked for a copy of the letter -about me-. couldnt even acknowledge my 3 emails i had sent them over the month. nah, all my medical future gets decided without my input or autonomy. such is the case with the nhs i hear. that was....the week before? idk time is getting lost on me.

then within the same week i get indirectly told that i didnt get the job i was really riding on getting, at the place i volunteer. i was hyped up about volunteers having a higher chance by the workers there. radio silence for months. get told by one of the workers at break "oh btw im sorry you didnt get the job". despite...despite asking for a follow up about my outcome, and being assured that i would get a yes or no answer, because "they follow up with everyone who has an interview whether you got the job or not".

me from a year ago wouldve been disappointed, but probably couldve picked up from that and be reassured. the me now? cant bounce back. clearly im not worth having these opportunities. im not worth having a job at the place ive been at for9 months, and instead they hire 2 completely new people to the organisation. i wasnt even runner up.

i miss my old self. i am a fat disgusting estrogen-ridden husk of my former self.

i miss working. it fucked me up in a lot of ways, but it kept me fit, busy, occupied, and productive.

i miss connection and talking to people. god, i miss it every day. and the only solution to it is to challenge myself. but it's so fucking easy to give up and resign to the fact that no one cares or id be a bother or i deserve to be alone. how the fuck are you meant to be convinced to even instigate convo when thats all that goes through your head?

while im not making any effort to end my life, im sure as hell also not doing anything to preserve it. i feel like im going to snap some point soon. i feel more and more unhinged every time i have a breakdown, like i am so rotted from the inside that i can barely hold myself together anymore. my foundations are collapsing. i had a breakdown mid last week and i still feel hungover. my body itches and jitters all over.

cant even do my dog grooming properly. im not confident nor experienced enough, but im too scared to take abreak from it because i know that's just the mental illness talking and i should just suck it up and pull through. i could if i tried.

but the problem is i cant find a reason to try.

i feel like a sim. like a simulation just going through the ropes, making the body movements that constitute a behaviour. but im not actually doing them. i barely comprehended that i made dinner last night, it kinda...spawned. bangers and mash it was. first cooked meal in a long time. beats whatever frozen thing i shove into the oven.

i get up, have breakfast, pass the time and just eat whenever i feel hungry, and before i know it, it's time to sleep. every day blurs into one.

i know this all sounds melodramatic but it's how i feel. i hate myself for only being able to express my misery through dumb tumblr posts hidden under readmores. thats not the way to get help. i want help, and i know i need it. but that requires me to believe that i am worth saving.

but i am not worth saving.

if this is what life has to be then i dont know.

i just. wish i could feel like things will be okay one day. that there is an end to this.

im going to bed.

it's been a. weird past 7 days or so.

#just ignore me.#im being miserable as usual nothing unusual

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gutmeats · 6 years ago

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Last night I dreamed that one of the dogs we’re watching pooped all over the house, and when I woke up she actually had pooped all over the house. Today is a fun day

#she was scratching on my door off and on this morning and i thought it was because she wanted to jump on my bed and sleep in the middle #but now i realize it was probably because shes too much of a spastic idiot to go through my dogs dog door on her own #and the icing on the literal shit cake is that i was supposed to get up at 530 but my alarm clock wasnt loud enough to be heard over my fan #so i slept through it for two fucking hours and my mom didnt even try waking me up because my door was locked #even though she was the one telling me i needed to be up that early #and i needed to be up that early because she got me a job working with her at broadway in boise but because she works 2000000 other jobs #and she has no time to come home between jobs so id have to go with her to all her others so that i could fill out the paperwork #for the broadway in boise job so that im actually employed and am no longer just sitting at home doing nothing all day #and also my fucking graduation for Life’s Kitchen is today and i dont want to go to it because i have to talk in front of a bunch of people #but also at the same time i heard that graduates get kitchen knives and sharpening stones? and all our kitchen knives fucking suck #anyway this is just a very long winded saying of my day is turning out to be literal shit #so tldr cam is a fucking dumbass whos mistakes are no ones fault but their own but theyre still gonna be upset with other people #shut up cam

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flowercape · 7 years ago

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#i just started on vyvanse friday and #ive never been this relaxed in my life #like im not tense whatsoever #i dont have to juggle a million things at a time #i make lists of things i need to do and actually DO them #and i dont switch between them i focus them down and dont stop until theyre done #i get exhausted early on and go to bed at 9:30 pm and its so quiet in my head #god is it so quiet #unfortunately ive been waking up after just 4-5 hours of sleep and have to struggle to go back to sleep again after the meds wear off #but god is it worth it #i never realized just how badly ive been struggling for so long #might be tmi but this is the first time ive willingly brushed my teeth twice in a day in probably a year #brushed my teeth and taken a shower two days in a row first time in weeks when it used to be a roulette which i did #i can shiny hunt and not feel like i have to do anything else at the same time #though i still do so i dont feel like im wasting too much time #but even if i didnt id be content #ive been? drawing?? and working on projects?? and homework??#and doing laundry before i needed to??? and taking out the trash three days in a row #i could cry #i DID cry day 1 #because how many goddamn years have i had this undiagnosed #how many years have i relapsed into depression BECAUSE of my inability to get work done #how many years have i struggled and failed in classes that i couldve and wouldve passed if id done the work #i was top of my class in elementary school but i was lucky to pass high school at all #i shouldve been top of my class.. i shouldve graduated with honors. i shouldve taken ap courses. i shouldve had a 3.5 gpa or above #personal #adhd #college #2018

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heyitsyn · 4 years ago

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Manager!Seijoh

a/n: im a seijoh stan and theyre my little plant babies

for more seijoh content, check this masterlist out!

this is so long oml i hate myself

theyre an actual boy band istg

lets be honest, they probably thought you were just another oikawa fangirl

they thought you just wanted to be closer to their captain bc you were another delusional girl who wanted to live out her fantasies

lmao im not trying to be salty

but when you just stared blankly at oikawa tooru after he called you a beautiful flower,

stageplay hinata calling you a mugwort

the team just about threw themselves on your feet

tbh you werent really there to get a boyfriend or for oikawa

you just needed an after school club and the other teams already had managers

the only sport that didnt was the boys volleyball team

imagine why

you were actually a little wary, since you knew of oikawa, being a first year yourself, and you were aware of his psycho fangirls who could probably kill you

but you needed a club that would last you for the next 3 years to graduate

it was kunimi who actually recommended being a manager

you were in his class and you noticed him sleeping in the morning so you gave him your energy bar

‘thanks’

you shrugged and smiled

thats why he tolerated you more than others

you were nice and you were the only one who noticed his tiredness, even the teacher left him alone, and did something about it

sometimes, you even gave him an energy drink

‘can you tell me why youve been so tired lately? i dont think ive seen you wake up until lunch’

he opened the snack and started munching while replying

‘early morning practice for volleyball is still a big adjustment. our captain demands us to be there 6 in the morning sharp and if we’re even a minute late, we’d have to run laps. like for every minute youre late, you have to run those amount’

oh my why is kunimi talking so much

but i love kunimi and first year seijoh boys rights in this household is valid

you furrowed your eyebrows

‘but yall are still growing and you need all your sleep. if i were there, id yell at your captain’

he grinned slightly, imagining your short height beating up their captain

‘meh. you want to be our manager? i saw you looking at the clubs board yesterday and we dont have one so you could take the opportunity and beat him up then’

ofc you agreed bc kunimi was best boi and you just wanted him to have enough sleep for once

after class, he waited for you to finish packing up and when you finished, yall left the classroom

until another guy with a spiky hairstyle joined you and you noticed him as the guy who sometimes came over to eat lunch with kunimi

‘oh, hello l/n-san’

you smiled gently

‘drop the formalities, kindaichi-kun. its only fair.’

he nodded before walking beside kunimi

‘kindaichi, l/n might be our new manager’

the onion head excitedly looked at you

‘really?! yes! so we dont have to fill our bottles ourselves anymore!’

kunimi glared at him and slapped his stomach

‘shes our manager, not our maid’

you laughed but placed an arm on him

‘its okay. i was a manager for my middle school volleyball team so i know a little bit about being one’

the two shared a look

god, they really hit the jackpot

as yall walked closer to the gym, you noticed the big pile of girls huddling at the corner

kunimi sighed

‘l/n, ill warn you ahead of time of our captain. hes kinda,,,, too much’

but you flashed him a smile

‘hes not the first one ive handled’

oml player-chan!!!

so when you opened the door and entered the gym and oikawa hit you with his normal antics, you just stared at him

‘okay and?’

hanamaki and mattsun howled before rushing to you and grabbing you in a hug

‘girls like her really exist!!’

you gave kunimi and kindaichi a signal of help and they nodded before gently prying the senpais off of you

‘senpai, please’

you gave kunimi a grateful nod

coach irihata went up to you bc wow, kunimi has a friend with of another gender?

‘how can we help you, miss?’

‘im l/n y/n, first year, and id like to apply as the manager’

internally, the coach sighed bc you werent the first one to apply

the reason they havent had a manager for years was bc of oikawa’s fangirls hiding themselves under that false facade

but he saw you brush off that comment oikawa make with no hint of fluster or blush on your face so he decides to give you a trial run, in guise of seeing if you could handle these chaotic boys

‘do you have any experience as manager? or do we need to teach you the ropes?’

‘i was a manager for 3 years in my middle school volleyball’

he nodded

‘ill give you one month. a trial run of a month to test the waters’

you agreed and your trial run began

kunimi mentioned that morning practice starts at 6 am sharp so you set your alarm for 5 to get ready and get to school on time before the boys

you remembered how to set up the nets so you quickly put them out (using a step stool bc we short) and ran to get the basket of balls

their water bottles were filled and you were in the middle of lugging the big basket of towels when the third years entered

the 4 of them usually came earlier than the rest so they saw you dragging the basket of fresh towels and wipe your sweat before smiling at the work youve done

iwa was so happy bc it was usually him who did this stuff and now that he had someone do it for him, it was like a god-send

oikawa’s eyes shone and he waved at you

‘yohoo, y/n-chan!’

you cringed at the loud voice of the famous oikawa tooru

‘hello, oikawa-san’

he chuckled at your politeness before hugging you

‘you did all this for us? youre so cute, y/n-chan!’

instead of the normal blush and love-struck eyes, you were actually very uncomfortable of the sudden skinship and you quickly ran to the side when iwa hit him at the head

‘shittykawa! leave her alone!’

‘iwa-chan!’

makki and mattsun stood next to you as the boys did their usual fight

‘is this all an act or are you really not attracted to oikawa?’

mattsun shot him a surprised look bc why was he so straightforward

but you just shrugged

‘hes cute, i admit. but ive seen much cuter and the boys in my middle school team was basically full of him so,,, and i hate guys who think theyre all that just bc theyre blessed w a pretty face. if anything, ill probably go for iwaizumi-san’

pop off S I S T E R!!!

you just won the heart of these two

slowly but surely, they all came to accept you and iwa straight out loves you bc you maintained this routine for the whole month of your trial run

and you still remained indifferent of oikawa’s advances and he was even impressed and slightly agitated that you werent paying attention to him

‘y/n-chan, one date! just one!’

you huffed before looking up from your clipboard

‘i like men, oikawa-san. not boys’

that comment made the guys shriek

‘y/n-chan! youre just a first year! you dont need a man!’

‘youre not a man, oikawa!’

you left oikawa to be tormented by his teammates and went to go and hand over the report to the coach

he was impressed by the notes you made bc they were ones he even missed

like the split-second of hesitation that kindaichi usually has that goes unnoticed but you immediately saw

or the wince oikawa has whenever he so much as jumps an inch

you could even tell the difference between iwa’s spike and if he was being easy or he was going full-out

this added on to the fact that the boys loved you and irihata actually saw kunimi try more

but he thinks its only to earn your praises

‘y/n, youre officially the team manager’

yall celebrated at the normal hang-out spot which was the ramen shop and it truly shocked you at how much these boys ate

granted, this was the first time you ate together but you didnt expect them to eat nearly 5 bowls each

you could only finish 2 and you already feel like throwing up

‘honestly, how do you guys not gain weight after this?’

the table you sat at, iwa, kindaichi, mattsun, and kunimi, looked at you and shrugged

‘i work out’

‘i run’

‘i fast’

‘i poop it out’

lmao im sorry i cackled too hard at this

you stared blankly at mattsun’s answer who said it so seriously that you snorted a laugh

they watched you and your laughter bc you havent really expressed yourself as much

so they made it their goal to see you laugh more

‘y/n-chan! you need to eat more!’

oikawa shouted, clearly food drunk, but you shook your head aggressively

‘i only planned to eat one bowl but he just had to shove another down my throat’

‘but you need to grow, y/n-chan!’

‘i want to grow taller! not wider!!’

As a manager:

oh boy

you basically grew into kinda their mom

‘oikawa-san! you need to rest your knee or youre going to hurt yourself! i will drag you home myself!’

‘kunimi, if you try to get this one more spike, i’ll buy you a bag of those caramel bites you like’

‘iwa-san! if you hit oikawa-san too much, youll destroy the little braincells he has!’

‘yahaba-san, nice dump!’

‘is your knee okay, watari-san?’

yall really forget that watari and yahaba exist sometimes smh

it was part of the work

keeping up with seijoh

so to keep them encouraged, you gave them praises that they always demand for and they always turn to you whenever they did something good

mattsun gives you a look whenever he blocks iwa’s spikes and you give kindaichi a head pat whenever he blocks some too

bc of how you are with them, sometimes, they forget that you are actually just a first year

they get shocked whenever you walk in with kunimi and kindaichi and talk about the current homework bc it slips their mind that their hard-working manager was actually just a 15-year-old girl

so, they try to ease the burden whenever they can

like iwa offering to help you whenever you have to take their jerseys to the laundrymat

or offering to help you with your assignments since theyve only been through it once

more like watari, yahaba, and iwa bc the matsuhana are clueless and acts like they completely skipped that grade

also

!!!!

oikawa’s fangirls ltr dont leave you alone!!!

now, its known that youre the manager of the volleyball team bc oikawa has boasted about your efforts and such

this obvs ticked off a bunch of girls bc they were jealous that you got to spend more time in a single practice with their precious oikawa-senpai than they have their entire lives

more than once theyve cornered you to threaten you to stay away from their senpai or youll have something coming for you

you never take them seriously bc you can fight too and you just give them a look and push them away

but this one time

TRIGGER WARNING-START

okay tea

the self-proclaimed president of the oikawa tooru fanclub, kenta miyo, cornered you at the bathroom with her other minions

you were just washing your hands and drying them off when she marched up to you and grabbed your hair before tugging it back

obviously you were surprised and shouted

‘oi! what the hell?!’

‘you slut! you need to stay away from my tooru, got it?!’

ehm what

you hissed and wrenched her arm from your hair and pushed her away

your hair was now a mess and you were fuming, already sick and tired of the torture these girls put you through

‘he belongs to himself, not you! so stop being delusional and leave me alone already!’

she signalled for the girls to hold on to you which you slapped away but they forcefully grabbed your arm while you kicked at them and struggle to get out of their hold

jesus what do these girls eat

miyo watches you struggle with a smile and cackles

‘oh? no fight anymore, little kouhai?’

you glared at her

‘i dont want to beat yall up bc id get yelled at by tooru so you need to let me go or regret it’

at the mention of his first name, her eyes widened and her face twisted and she slapped you

‘oi! respect your senpai, you brat! dont you ever say oikawa’s first name!’

your lips curled

‘oh? thats funny, because he actually told me to call him that since he wants his cute little manager to be very comfortable with him’

you achieved a feat that she has been working to get her entire high school life and miyo was not happy

‘ive been with him for 3 years and you just suddenly show up out of nowhere and call him that?! i dont think so!’

she had her hands around your neck and you gripped her arms, making her wince

but you laughed at that comment

‘heh, thats pathetic, isn’t it? here you are, my senpai, who has been vying for his attention for 3 years only to be ignored yet a mere first year, who shows up out of nowhere, has been asked to a date nearly a million times every day. that must be tough’

she shrieked at that comment and threw you on the floor, making you accidentally hit your head at the edge of the sink

yall im actually so bothered by this scene and im wincing as im typing

you bit your lip to prevent any sound of pain to escape bc you knew thats what she wanted to hear from you

but you werent going to give her the satisfaction

instead, you looked up at her, hatred swirling in your eyes

‘youre freaking psycho, you know that? once tooru and hajime knows about this, theyre going to give you hell. they wont ever let this go bc im the manager of their prized team and their little baby sister. so go ahead, do what you want with me. bc i paid too much for these nails to be tainted by dirt like you’

saiyo, a girl you noticed to be watari’s classmate when you went and visited him, nervously tugged on miyo’s jacket

‘miyo, we should go-’

‘SHES BLUFFING. AND HERE, SINCE YOUR SOCCERFIELD FOREHEAD IS BLEEDING, LET ME HELP WASH IT OUT’

and she poured over a carton of banana milk over you, making you wince at the sticky and cold liquid

the tough facade was crumbling and you were now screaming for help in your head, hoping that stupid theory from yahaba about team telepathy to work

but it didnt

TRIGGER WARNING-END

when miyo and her girls left, you sat on the floor, soaked and sticky and bleeding

then you begin to cry angry tears

you were angry that you were being treated like this just bc you were a manager

you were angry that you let them do that to you

you were angry that you prized your nails more than punching her square in the nose

you were just angry

periodt

staggering on your own feet, you stood up and leaned on the sink, eyes widening at the dripping red liquid from the gash on your forehead, staining the porcelain sink

you were stupid and unconsciously touched it making you wince

‘shit, that hurts’

you whined quietly

there was little you can do with toilet paper and water to clean yourself up but you managed to at least stop the bleeding

you knew you had to be put on concussion protocol just in case bc you that hit was quite hard but at the moment, that wasnt your concern

practice has already started and this was the first time you werent present for daily practice

this was confirmed at the constant buzzing of your phone in your skirt pocket which you didnt listen to and instead, started thinking of ways to go to your locker and get your stuff and fake being sick but at the same time, not be seen and relayed to the team

time was ticking and you had to come up with a plan fast before oikawa will send the team to come looking around the building for you

once you looked at your reflection and smiled big, you decided it was enough to not show the pain you were in right now

girl im hurting for you

you peeked out of the bathroom door and saw the coast was clear so you quickly ran to your classroom, which was thankfully empty, and quickly grabbed your things

but as you were packing up, the tears just kept falling

it didnt stop as you bolted down the stairs, using your cardigan to hide your face from the public

once you were safely out of school grounds, you finally took out your phone and reviewed through all the worried and concerned texts from the team group chat

but you just replied, ‘im fine but i just feel really sick right now. girl stuff’

you smirked, knowing that would keep the boys away

but oikawa had to go and ask you to call him

‘y/n-chan! do you want oikawa-senpai to come over with chocolates and ice cream?! wings or no wings?!’

your jaw dropped at the question and clearly scandalized by the question

the team was too as shouting began and you could faintly hear iwa scream, ‘oh my god, shittykawa!’

‘im seriously okay, oikawa-san. i just need to be alone right now and ill try and get some sleep. good bye’

then you hung up

there was no way you could tell them

they were in their last year anyways so doing something about it wouldnt matter

and you were strong

but apparently not strong enough to fight them off though

you would cover the wound with concealer and continue on with practice tomorrow as if everything was normal

but there was only so much you could take

just yesterday, they trashed your locker and a week ago, they took your bento and threw it away

you even got into a fight with this one girl but she scampered away, too scared to do anything alone

so you were actually just tired and want everyone to leave you alone

believe me, youve thought of quitting sometimes

but youve actually created a bond with these boys

like when you take hanamaki to get cream puffs whenever he loses against iwa in arm wrestling

or when yahaba calls you at ungodly hours to express his worries for next year and to fill oikawa’s shoes

it was simple moments that you shared with each player that kept you from not leaving

soon, you found yourself crying again and the looks pedestrians were giving you was starting to make you uncomfortable

a girl, with her gross hair in a bun, puffy eyes with a bleeding wound and walking down the street

that was a sight

so you cut a corner to an alley by your house to escape from the judging eyes and you were too busy wiping your eyes to see a boy who was crouched down on the floor and ended up walking over him

omg my baby kyoken hello luv!!!!

you gasped and you were surprised and quickly apologized

kyotani was originally about to yell at you, no matter what, but he saw the state you were in and concluded you were either from a fight or was beaten up

he recognized that and decided to just glare at you and go back to feeding the stray dogs and cats

you breathed a sigh in relief when he didnt yell at you bc that wouldve been the last thing you needed today

‘sir, im sorry for hitting you. if there is something i could do for you, dont hesitate’

he ignored you and you focused on him paying attention to the strays

going into your backpack, you had a milk carton and a sausage stick from earlier

you used your thermos lid to serve as the milk bowl for the cats while you peeled open the meat and used your scissors to cut chunks of it for the dogs to have some

kyotani watched as you went into action to feeding the animals that people usually ignored

he knew you

well, he recognized you

when he watched from the top of the gym, he saw you as their manager who ran around and helped everyone

sure, he still didnt trust you

but he watched you grin and smile as the animals started to eat

‘im in a hurry right now so i have to go but ill feed you again tomorrow, okay? you too, stranger-san. ill bring food for you too’

then you stood up and ran away, probably in a hurry to fix that wound

he wouldve offered to treat it for you but he remained silent, watching the cats mewl at the now empty lid

the next day, oikawa was worried for you and when he saw you at early morning practice, he practically glomped to your side

‘y/n-chan! you okay?! oikawa-senpai was so worried for you!’

you cringed but nodded

‘im okay, oikawa-san’

‘senpai, y/n-chan! call me senpai!’

‘im not going to feed into your kink, oikawa-san’

*cue everyone busting a lung*

to this day, no one still knew what happened to you

you kept it quiet and you were sure you got everything handled

except for one person

kyotani was smart and for some reason he knew you got beat up by the fangirls and the perpetrators were easily found bc he saw them huddled around your locker, probably trashing it again, and lets just say,

no one is def going to mess w you now

back to manager moments!!

during practice matches, the boys rally around you to prevent other teams from sweet-talking you

they make sure no one gets past them and always have excuses to get your attention

you knew what they were doing but you pretended not to, heart warming at their protectiveness and hunger for your attention

even though you have your own jacket, the team gives you theirs all the time like oikawa has his special team jacket w his name at the back and when he feels threatened by schools like johzenji, he makes you wear it

‘youre mine, y/n-chan and i want that blondie to know’

‘ehm, no, oikawa-san. im iwaizumi-san’s’

oikawa screamed

lmao training camps w them is CHAOTIC

YOU WANT TO CRYYYYYY

OIKAWA IS CRYING BC IWAIZUMI IS BEATING HIM UP, MATSUHANA ARE FREAKING OUT THE FIRST YEARS ABOUT THE GHOSTS IN THE WOODS AND NOW KINDAICHI REFUSES TO LET GO OF YOU, WATARI GOT LOST GOING TO THE BATHROOM AND YAHABA IS SCREAMING ABOUT THE WEATHER MESSING UP HIS HAIR AND MAKING IT FRIZZY

reminder: threaten to quit everytime they get too much

your hugs are the best!!!!

you have a special hug for every player

oikawa gets his favorite which was the normal arm around the waist with your arms around his neck while he snuggles in your neck

iwa gets flustered easily so you hug him from behind so you cant see his flustered look

mattsun actually likes the jumping in the air so he catches you type of hug

makki is more tame and has his arms around your shoulder with his chin on your head

yahaba is the twirly kind where he just picks you up and swings you around

watari also gets flustered easily so he likes the one-arm hugs

kindaichi gets blushy at the slightest touch from you but he gives you a hug from behind you himself where he can bury his face in your hair while you caress his arms

kunimi, now he likes it when you squeeze him extremely tight bc it makes him feel loved and feel alive

kyo doesnt even talk to you what makes you think you can give him a hug

their lost for shiratorizawa really broke them though

you made them their own bentos for nearly a week to keep them encouraged and gave oikawa extra attention to keep him from sulking or practicing late

‘oikawa-senpai, lets go watch that new movie later’

‘S-S-SENPAI?!’

then the arrival of our baby kyoken

yahaba was moody the whole practice and you were currently trying to keep him from spiking a ball to someone

‘even just today, he’s late’

‘who?’

‘that stupid dog’

he just keeps mumbling and grunting

and then the said dog arrived

you peaked out from behind iwaizumi, who protectively went in front of you

shock ran through you and you pointed at him

‘puppy-kun!’

lmao puppy what

youve called him that since he refused to tell you his name, but you call him that bc he paid special attention to this one baby beagle

he raised a hand in greeting and you gave him a smile

‘youre a player here, too?!’

he ‘glared’ at you but nodded stiffly

the team really thought that he would lash out at you but he is surprisingly tolerant

the power of the manager

he still hasnt talked to you but he does respond to you and even helps you with chores, still not talking ofc

hes so tsun tsun and he deserves my heart yall

however, youve heard him talk to iwaizumi, and iwaizumi only, so youve heard his voice before

ngl, you were flustered by how gruff and deep it was

then their loss to karasuno

bruh, it was KARASUNO

the entire team fell apart and after the match, each of them ran away from you to stop lashing out

you were also on the verge of crying, seeing the broken look on your third years

your precious third years

you decided to give them their own space but you heard a loud banging sound from the bathroom

yahaba and watari were outside, clearly trying to talk to someone in there on coming out but it got louder

okay you were lowkey like, ‘hm, i should not be here’

but you recognized that voice

you knocked at the boys door to be respectful

‘kyo-san? its me, y/n’

he was silent but he did unlock it

you took this as a sign to enter and you gave yahaba and watari a smile

‘i’ll be fine. go to kindaichi and kunimi. they need your comfort right now’

tbh, you were surprised the bathroom was still intact but you saw the stall door at the very end being rattled and shaken

you remained by the door but you wanted to go to him

‘kyo-san, please come out so i can treat your injuries’

he expected you to say those words like ‘its okay’ or ‘theres always next year’ but you didnt

instead, you knew he was hurt and wanted to help him

he continued to give a few punches to the wall and the door before emerging

you wordlessly treated the wounds and offered your hand

‘im here, kyo-san. dont worry, im right here’

at the ramen shop, you told them to eat as much as they want and wordlessly gave them your card, slightly crying inside bc you know this was going to be like over a hundred dollars

but you were treating the boys bc they deserved it

you sat beside kindaichi, who was just sobbing and apologizing, so you were wiping his tears and holding his hand under the table

this precious babie

bruh i was sobbing when i watched this part like uuggghhhh

after dinner, you walked with the other third years, knowing they would go to the gym, so you gave everyone else your special hugs before sending them home

‘text me when you arrive safely, okay?’

‘yes, mom’

‘KINDAICHI WHAT’

oikawa’s speech made you cry bc despite only knowing them for not even a year, you already feel like a family

you didnt want your family to be broken but you knew they would all go their separate ways eventually

there was a big hug pile of third years on the side where you took a picture and sent it to the group chat

you had to eventually go home after helping them clean up and when you checked your phone, a fresh batch of tears rolled down

each from every person on the team but with the same sentence and same words

‘we love you, l/n y/n. thanks for everything.’

ngl i dont think this was that good and its like 8 in the morning and im extremely tired

i want to do karasuno, nekoma, and fukurodani but im so exhausted i cannot right now

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wizkiddx · 4 years ago

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was thinking for toms most recent ig story it sounds like hes working out early everyday, what if u did a blurb where the reader does it with his and its like best friend --> something else ? sounded like a you type of story, id love if you gave it a go ❤️💕

oohkay so sorry this lit just came through this evening and I suddenly got v stupidly into it (if u put in a req before that I promise I am working on it I just got way to invested cos this is stupidly cute) xxxx

summary: what starts off as tom taking you under his wing and some sunrise workouts together might just develop into something more

“It shouldn’t be legal…. to be doing anything… this fucking early!” Spoken, well yelled, in between the fake strokes of the exercise bike and your pants. All you got in response was the two men laughing at you, no sign of sympathy at all, as your gritted your teeth - fighting against every body instinct to stop the movements. Your heart was pumping like the clappers; breathing shallow and rushed and your arms… your arms felt like they were about to fall off. Combine that with the lack of sleep from waking up before the sun did at 5 am - meant you felt like your were in literal hell.

Why ever you’d agreed to do these workouts with Tom and Duffy escaped you. Being the new and rising actress, with a new supporting role in the next Spiderman, meant you’d spent a lot of time with Tom over the past few weeks. Not to inflate his ego either, but Tom had been a real life hero to you. See, you were the complete opposite of his experienced and seasoned professionalism - this was your first acting gig. And what a gig it was, the second biggest part in a Marvel movie. You never really believed you’d get the part and even when you did, were pretty sure it was some elaborate joke, where Ant and Dec were going to jump out from some corner and go ‘ha its a prank!’ or something.

Yet somehow it was all still happening, you had been flown halfway across the world to spend three months alone on a film set. Well obviously not alone, but you knew no one - you were a complete outsider. That, really, was the reason you’d agreed to do these sessions with Tom. He’d offered half heartedly while between takes as you were moaning about how out of breath you got in that scene. At that point, you’d only known each other for a matter of weeks, he really hadn’t expected you to commit to 5 am each and every morning. What he wasn’t aware of though, was how ocmplerly stranded and lonely you felt here, hence why you jumped at his offer.

And yes you loved to moan and complain when you were there, however you were also so incredibly thankful he ever offered. Duffy, Tom’s PT, was a right laugh too and he took great joy in torturing you - and was also entertained by the new and inventive ways you’d insult him after he ordered you about.

“Come on Y/n, 200m more and then we are done, even your little arms can survive that.”

“Really … not the encouragement… I was looking for.” Still panting, face bright red and blotchy as you pressed your legs straight again.

“Tom? You wanna help Y/n out?”

“Nah you know… kind of enjoying seeing her in pain.” The British voice laughed from somewhere behind you, making you roll your eyes.

“Why the hell… are you not… torturing him?” He sounded way to comfortable and relaxed to be working hard.

“He’s got a stunt heavy day today so wanted to go easy this morning.”

Now that was a bloody joke. You were BOTH filming the SAME scene today, doing the SAME stunts.

“Did I forget to mention Y/n is on set too?” The joy in Tom’s voice made you want to do horrible things to him. Even though you felt like you wanted to collapse on the floor, you’d happily do a set or two on a punch bag right now - if that punch bag was Tom’s face.

Before you could hurl some fresh abuse at your costar, Duffy called time on the rowing machine, turning the display off and passing your water bottle over as you slouched on the slidey seat.

“Done good Y/n/n, I am actually super impressed with your progress” The stocky man patted you on the back genuinely, bringing a bit of smile to your otherwise grimacing face. He went over the chat to Tom about some boy shit that you couldn’t care less about, allowing you a couple minutes to get your breath back. As soon as you did and tried to dismount the machine of death, your ruined legs seemed to have other plans, shakily buckling so you ended up starfished on the floor, groaning at the dull ache that came with the sudden movement.

And what show of concern did Duffy show you? A belly laugh that echoed round Toms indoor gym making you groan again, throwing your forearm over your eyes. It was in fact the curly haired brunette, who came and knelt by your side, wordlessly balling up the towel and placing it under your head as you shot your eyes open in shock.

“You okay? Sorry… I might’ve taken our friendly competition a bit too far.”

“I just… just might have to gain the power of flight this afternoon cos my legs aren’t gonna bloody work.” Tom chuckled and shook his head at your dry humour.

“Oh I’m sure we can talk to Jon and get that arranged… not like Marvel don’t spend years crafting the script and storyline for a newbie actor to change it all.”

“Might I remind you… they wouldn’t have to if your weren’t such a dickhead!” You exclaimed, sitting up and staring at him with an exasperated look than only made him burst out laughing again.

“I’m sorry I’m sorry… I just cant take you seriously when you look like such a tomato!” His voice went an octave higher as he laughed at himself, the situation getting even worse for you when you heard Duffy join in too.

The boy was bloody lucky you couldn’t lift your arms right now, otherwise they’s almost certainly be attempting to ruin his pretty boy face.

/////////////////////////////

After a long day of shooting you and Tom were in one of the set buggies, being taken back to your trailers to change for the evening. There was a peaceful silence until Tom ruined it yet again.

“ Got any fancy plans for this evening then?”

“Well you know me, back to my lonely little old place and frozen pizza - so living the movie star life.”

“It’s a Friday! You not going out with your team or anything?” He sounded so bemused at your quiet plans, and mention of a ‘team’ had you cocking your head to the side.

“‘My team?’ Tom until I get my movie star pay check I can barely afford my pizzas, never mind a whole persons wage.” You were still only three weeks into filming and although you spent an hour every other morning sweating your ass off with Tom - apart from that you’d tried not to impose yourself on him too much. You didnt want to look clingy and naturally Tom always had a mountain of people vying for his attention - you would go to the back of a long line. So honestly, you were still a bit of a mystery to him, right now you’d both only scratched the surface on each other.

“Really? I know this is your first big job but I thought you’d have someone here?”

“Nah… I mean I’ve kinda clung to the Marty on the camera crew but he’s going to see family tonight sooo.”

“Come back to mine. I’ve swapped Harry for his twin Sam, which is a bit of an upgrade cos Sam’s a chef. He just arrived last night. I bet he can one up any pizza you were planning on.”

“Honestly I don’t want to impose, sorry I didnt mean for this to be a pity party or-“ The buggy slowed to a stop and Tom instantly vaulted out of it, standing right infront of you and blocking you exist off the back sofa. Both of you were still in costume, Tom in latex and you in your corset-esque two piece, but then both wrapped in matching long line black jackets supplied by set.

“No come on I’m serious… Sam’s dying to meet you and it’d be good to spend more time together. You know, cos of chemistry and all.” The last bit was a switch from his cool and smooth, normally easy going tone - into something a bit more… anxious? Just like that, before your brain even knew what it was doing, you agreed, smiling broadly and nodding.

So barely an hour later, you were knocking on the doors to Tom’s mansion-ish rented Atlanta home which was much much more grand than what the studio had arranged for you. Even though you were here most mornings, this time it felt different. Yeh it was stupid, but you can’t help the way you feel and you were stressed. For no real reason… just, just because.

Thankfully, it wasn’t awkward at all and you especially instantly hit it off with his younger brother Sam. Everything just felt easy and simple which meant so much more considering you’d felt so isolated an alone halfway across the world for your home comforts. Being British too, simply chatting to the two young men about your hometown and growing up was just so familiar, it really helped you feel less homesick. Naturally too, you’d fallen into a casual and friendly ribbing of Tom with Sam, making the three of you spend to majority of the evening cracking up (or in Tom’s case pouting at the abuse). It was a nice change from the two on one attack you got from Tom and Duffy that morning. You’d all cooked dinner together… well no, you and Tom had stood idly watching Sam cook an amazing chicken curry dish - which he promised to give you the recipe too. Honestly Sam felt like your long lost best friend, especially when it came to your shared ability to berate Tom for anything and everything.

About an hour ago Tom had stuck on the film, effectively shutting up you and Sam - thankfully for him since Sam was just about to get to some rather embarrassing stories of Tom as a kid. You and Tom were on the longer grey sofa; with Sam sat the other side of the coffee table in an impressively soft armchair - looking as though it was swallowing the lanky boy. The calm, the silence and the comfort was only going to go one way for you though. After your workout this morning, plus all the running and jumping during the shoot, after what had already been a pretty intense week, it was hardly surprising that you didn’t even notice yourself drifting off the sleep.

Who did notice though? Perhaps your brown haired costar who’d been stealing glances across to you ever since the movie had been put on? Because as much as he hated to admit it to himself, this didnt seem to be panning out as a normal job. A normal job is something you put your all into, for a couple weeks, and then leave with good memories and a good pay check. Yes, he had only known your for a matter of weeks or so but it already seemed to be unfathomable to cut ties with you. How would he go without your kind mannered abuse everyday? You were just refreshing, new and mysterious. And Tom was more than intrigued, his interest was peaked.

And it was stupid to feel like that…. Of course it was. You can’t fancy a colleague because things get complicated and awkward. Tom knew that.

Then why was he now delicately draping a blanket over your frame and smiling smally when you hummed in your sleep, in what seemed to be a show of appreciation for the layer of warmth?

Because you were his excited puppy of a costar who is giving everything she has for the job? Because he is worried and wants to look after you? Because he cares?

No matter why, in that moment you were contented and as was Tom. Oh and Sam?

Sam saw the tell tale signs in his brother. He saw the way Tom had been touching your arm or the small of your back just a little more than what would be considered normal while he’d been cooking. He’d seen the way Tom had been laughing purely because you had. His eldest brother never did anything rash, it was always a painfully slow process for everyone involved. But Sam thought this just might be the start of something. The start of a slow burn.

#tom holland #tom holland fluff #tom holland x reader #tomholland #Tom Holland angst #tom holland x y/n #tom holland x actress!reader #tom holland x you #sam holland

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greyeyedmonster-18 · 3 years ago

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ive read all your works on ao3 even the ones where i didnt think id like it from the summary but i trusted your writing (and you definitely delivered!) and your blog and dribbles always make me smile (or cry, depending on the level of angst lol) and just wanted to say keep doing what ur doing <33

I was wondering if you had any more headcanons/thoughts about sirius' past of drug abuse in ten reasons and if you like to share

love ur writing as always xo

Hi friend! thank you?? im so glad my writing compells you that much? Thats honestly so flattering and makes my heart just SO FULL.

and YES actually. There was a moment of weakness where i debated writing a prequel to ten reasons that was sirius focused but decided against it,but definitely worked out a bunch of HCs. (Below the cut)

CW/TW: drugs, implied drug use, and addiction

1. it's written in the story, but basically sirius really just got caught up with his job but also that he liked chasing highs. idk how explicit you were looking for, but he definitely started small. only recreationally, and then it turned into almost all the time

1.5. i think in high school he was one of those kids who was so good. one of my favorite things i wrote in ten reasons was when Remus asks him like... "...why did you graduate early?" essentially being like "why...did all this even happen?" and sirius says, "i just...really liked math."

and its so sad (also hints of parental BLACK FAMILY pressure in there) that sirius kind of got swept up in this big thing all because he was a passionate, enthusiastic kid who really liked math. and that was praised and rewarded and...then the praise and rewards stop and Sirius was a child who never got opportunity to figure himself out because he was too busy being the best

2. sirius dropped the ball on a lot of family things when he was high

3. Reg was the first to notice when Sirius was two hours late to his birthday party and then disappeared for most of it to get high in the back.

4. Sirius was definitely not sober from ages like...3-8 of Harry's life. which is incredibly sad.

5. Harry doesn't know! Sirius won't tell him.

6. Sponsors are real. Phone calls and (sirius wouldn't do NA meetings, but he did do therapy therapy following leaving rehab) therapy appts are real. (cute head canon that sirius and harry go to therapy together twice a month <3. harry assumes its for the same reasons sirius makes him go)

7. he never relapses, ever. but sometimes when he doesn't get enough sleep and is working really hard, it's not pretty. at all. Remus learns this.

8. this was in the story, but sirius also stays away from alcohol (harry asks about this one, especially when he gets older)

#asks #ask me anything #ten reasons #cw: drugs

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currently-hyperfixating · 4 years ago

Text

Danganronpa Imagines #3

Danganronpa V2 Boys With An S/O That Has Trouble Getting Out of Bed

I'm not writing Teruteru because he makes me uncomfortable

Hajime Hinata:

Hajime will always get up in his own time, usually fairly early when compared to you

he will never rush you out of bed, though. he’ll get ready for the day and then come right to you

he’ll just kinda sit with you for a while, making sure that you stay awake more than anything.

after a while you’ve almost completely woken up, but actually getting out of bed is still a challenge

Hajime understands this, and leaves the room for a moment to bring to you breakfast.

he’s not the best cook in the world, but as long as you have something to eat, he’s happy

“here you go, S/O. it’s not much, but I thought you could do with some food to give you energy”

his food is actually quite a bit better than he tells you it is

after eating, you’re usually sat on the edge of the bed for a while, before you’re finally able to stand up and start the day.

Ultimate Imposter:

They usually wake up super early, as they’re used to it taking hours for them to get ready each morning

they arent quite sure what to do with all the free time they have now that they don’t have to spend ages putting on a disguise

so they come knocking at your door

all they hear on the other end is a very tired sounding “come in”

they walk in to see you, still huddled up under your covers

you let them know that you’ve acctually been trying to get out of bed for a while now.

they look at you for a second before excusing themselves, promising to be back as soon as they can

they come back with a tray piled high with all different kinds of breakfast foods

“Teruteru was in the kitchen and was kind enough to make you a breakfast.”

they leave it on the desk on your room and bring you small pieces of food every now and then, sat on the end of your bed just talking to you

after a while you start to get up and get the food for yourself

and soon enough, you’re walking back to the kitchen with them to return the tray.

Fyuhiko Kuzuryu:

he doesnt really understand whats so hard about waking up, surely you just stand up out of bed

he thinks you’re hurt the first time you tell him that you cant

once you’ve convinced him that your fine (which takes longer than you’d expect) he just kinda sits with you for a minute

he eventually stands up.

“well, im not going to let you sit here and pity yourself, if you cant get yourself out of bed, i’ll just have to help.”

he tries to lift you at first, this does not go well.

then he decides to take it one step at a time by helping you sit yourself up.

he talks to you the whole time about all the things that he has to do today

turns out the clan expects a lot of him

gradually, bit by bit, you’re sitting on the edge of the bed, just listening to Fuyuhiko talk.

eventually, he runs out of things to say

“well, im gonna go get breakfast, you coming S/O?”

you decide that you might as well, and it never even crosses your mind that he managed to get you up so effortlessly.

Gundham Tanaka:

he thinks you’ve been cursed like sleeping beauty and instantly tries finding a spell that could break it

he also lets the devas help, though they mostly come up to you begging for attention, at least its keeping you awake

he tries spell after spell, marking different magic circles in the carpet with his feet and proclaiming all sorts of incantations

you know that theres no use in trying to tell him that it wont work, so you just watch him

he seems so focused and in his element, like he had been waiting for this moment for forever.

after what seems like forever, he finally gives up.

“i have tried every spell i know, S/O. it seems that this curse is too powerful even for me to break

you assure him that its fine, you actually feel a bit more woken up, and ask if he wants to go get breakfast

it takes him until after you’ve eaten to realise that the spells worked.

Kazuichi Soda:

kazuichi isn't really one to remember things like knocking all the time

so when he comes barging into your cottage as you try to will yourself out of bed, it does startle you a bit

“woah, S/O, are you like. okay? are you sick or something”

you reassure him that you arent sick, you just have trouble getting out of bed sometimes

surprisingly, he says he understands. some days it just feels like the days gonna suck, so you dont wanna go through with it.

“but if you never actually get up and try to make the day a good one, then how are you going to prove those feelings wrong?”

he does have a good point, but you’re still finding it difficult to summon up the energy

he decides that if you cant get out of bed, he’ll do it for you

before you can even protest hes picked you up and carried you outside

it’s embarrassing, as you can see other classmates on their way to the restaurant

he is also readily showing Sonia how strong he is by making sure she can see the two of you.

eventually you get him to put you down, telling him that you would get out of bed if it meant he never did that again.

Nagito Komaeda:

he fully understands, of course he does

he also understands that you wouldn't drag yourself out of bed for someone as worthless as him

but he starts telling you that you should do it for yourself.

you’re a shining beacon of hope, and you shouldn't feel like you arent even worth getting out of bed.

his speech, as usual, isn't very effective and leads into him just being self deprecating

but this time he get’s really deprecating

to the point that you are actually beginning to grow worried

you shoot up out of bed to give him a hug

“ah, S/O is finally awake. did my little motivational speech work then?

you tell him that he can think that if he wants, you just dont want him saying those things anymore

you remind him that he’s an ultimate too, no matter how insignificant his talent may seem

you decide to go grab breakfast together, if anything just so you can make sure that Nagito’s okay.

Nekomaru Nidai:

This man has so much energy

you arent even sure if its energy anymore, he might just be that loud.

you know that its him knocking right away and sleepily call for him to come in

“hey S/O. i didnt see you at the restaurant so i thought id come see if everything is alright

you say that yeah, you’re fine, you just cant really find the energy to get out of bed

he knows just the thing. yell.

he tells you that it doesnt matter what you yell, just yell something as loud as you can and the adrenaline will start rushing in no time.

it takes you a minute to grow comfortable with the idea, but eventually you do loudly tell him good morning.

it turns into a game, you two just yelling good morning to each other

eventually you go from sitting up, to sitting on the edge of the bed, to full on standing and jumping up and down

he was right, the adrenaline really does come rushing

you both head to the restaurant laughing, you a little more smug now that you know the key to his energy

#danganronpa #danganronpa v2 #danganronpa goodbye despair #nekomaru nidai #Nagito Komaeda #kazuichi souda #gundham tanaka #fuyuhiko kuzuryu #ultimate imposter #twogami #byakuya twogami #hajime hinata #danganronpa imagines

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