#but man i dont think i couldve made it go much better but even 6 deaths is better than 7

[aw-bean-s]

I think I got possibly the absolute worst outcome for the tribunal you could possibly get and then slept from 12pm to 7pm

[cowchickenbeefpork]

honestly it does'nt even take that much to rewrite that arc, all the writers had to do with something like that is not side with ed. they acted like he wasnt being selfish with kristen when he was, you dont even need to make him out to be purposely malicous in this arc, all the writers had to do for this arc to not be awful is paint edward to be unreliable prespective wise.

Edward in the show has been shown to have empathy for others multiple times ( when Oswald's eye gets blown up, when he thought Riddler was going to hurt Lee, even after he realized he killed Kristen he started to cry and it's implied he cried until he passed out ) so the writing in the show feels more like they were trying to write him have a weird version of a paranoid-schizoid mindset ( something quite common in cluster b personality disorders, this is what causes splitting and it also is the mindset 6 month olds have) instead of him being a psychopath ( though the show couldn't decide between which one of these he was, which is one of the many reasons its hard to understand where they were going with him as a character) the show wanted it to be that he was both a heartless monster who knows his actions hurt others and doesnt care AND him being actually empathetic but doesnt want to be so he rewrites any wrong he has done to be justified by making the other person be the true aggressor, you can't have both

his whole thing about love being useless after he killed Kristen feels more like he just found a way to make himself not be a horrid person in this situation, he just found someone else to blame for his actions instead of accepting the fact it was his fault she died. he cant admit that he only liked the idea of her and chased atfer her becuase he wanted to feel nice and normal, instead of genuine love and care which was not selfish. ( i do think he cared a little for her but most of his care for her was selfish, the show acting like it wasnt is shocking.) the ultimate sin he did in this arc shouldve have been the fact he killed her, it shouldve been the fact he somehow found a way to justify his actions because he didn't want to feel bad about her death and reduced her down to just a object which helped him become a better man. she was only a object to him from the beggining, he wasnt trying to make her be that when they were dating but he sure continues to do that atfer her death.

if the show just treated it like that, then i think even the dreaded isabella arc could have worked, he couldve been chasing atfer isabella as both a replacement for kristen (the ideal traditional normal woman in his head) given to him by fate and both a puzzle to solve for why she even exists ( this would be the main reason, him factchecking if she was real just to be sure it wasnt a trap, if it wasnt then fate mustve blessed him with a second chance ) the writers couldve made isabella and oswald killing her be his karma for what he did to kristen, they couldve purposely made isabella be a bad and unhealthly fit for edward instead of accidentally writing that in, the writers couldve made this arc be where he gets put in the same situtation he put kristen in as karama for his actions BUT NOOOOOO ISABELLA IS JUST THE PERFECT MATCH FOR THIS PYSCHO KILLER SHES TOTALLY NOT MAKING HIM WORSE BY PURPOSELY TRIGGERING HIM

IDK if any of this makes sense, I'm not trying to defend Edward here I just think the arc would've been better if it was built to have ed have a narcissistic paranoid schizoid perspective instead of him being a misguided silly autist who doesn't know stalking is bad and is actually a good match for Kristen to an evil psychopath who yearns for the taste of fresh blood. the Kristen and Isabella arcs could've been so fucking good but the writers missed that potential

been thinking abour Kristen a lot lately! and how HORRIBLE Ed was to her! WHY DOES NO ONE IN THE GOTHAM FANDOM ACKNOWLEDGE THAT? why does no one talk about how Ed harassed, stalked, and manipulated this woman, finally got into a relationship with her, and then he murdered her in his apartment after they slept together. NO ONE TALKS ANOUT THAT AND HOW EVIL THAT IS?

for mine and my cousins rewrite we want it to be clear that he is EVIL FOR THAT BECAUSE THATS HORRIBLE!!!! his whole relationship with Kristen is awful its the worst thing. but yeah heres a drawing of him soon after killing her!

[thornsofdeath]

phf rants

as i’ve made clear im rlly impacted by this book. dont mind my lowkey venting

damn this is long

mista's coldness towards fugo / the stadium scene as a whole

it really really hurt me to see mista treating fugo, his old partner, his old friend like a dangerous enemy. i know he had his valid reasoning, but that very specific kind of angst shatters me. mista had his gun pointed at fugo for the entire stadium scene, not wavering for even a second. the worst part? it seemed like mista was trying to purposefully incite fugo to snap by right out insulting him and his stand, saying he was glad when fugo didn’t get on the boat. it seemed like he was egging fugo on just so he had an excuse to kill him, to get one more thing off his list of concerns. fugo as a person meant nothing at all to mista. when mista said “kill these traitors, or we’ll kill you” i wanted to cry. mista goes on about hoe fugo is a massive threat because purple haze is unhinged and can wipe out the enitre population if he wanted. fugo politely corrects him, as PH only has 6 capsules and can only attack 6 times in a day. did i see myself in that scene and feel fugo’s pain of just wanting to be left alone and not have to think about the past or the future, silent and melancholic during intervention and just feeling like the only way out is to kms right then and there? thats a secret ill never tell.  phf makes me smad.

there were some little details in purple haze feedback that got me thinking as well. in the 6 months between fugo’s leave and his cold reuniting with mista, fugo was playing piano at a bar. Most of the people who bring this up refer to it as just some cool trick he could get because he’s a rich kid. he is not. in flashbacks, it’s shown that bruno only knows how to cope with distress by isolating himself and bottling everything up. god, did i feel that. sheila e’s life goal was to kill illuso (to avenge her sister) and swore her life to giorno after finding out he killed him, it’s ironic though because in reality fugo had killed him, and in the first part of the book, they weren’t exactly friends. 

another part that really just made me wanna sob and bash my head into a wall was seeing fugo’s pure self hatred. since he was a child, he had it drilled into his head that if he couldnt produce results, he was worthless. after being disowned and thrown into jail with no future, he was completely hopeless. even after bruno came and took him in, he was never free of his liabilities. no matter what he did, he couldnt help seeing himself as some monster, failure, and burden. (kinnie moment) it worsened when he had to abandon bruno’s gang, his only saving grace was bruno, his light, hope, and acceptance. now he was stripped of that, gripped in fear knowing too well that betraying passione would end horribly. deep in his heart he wanted so badly to join them, to join his found family, but the logic he had drilled into his own head of knowing that betrayal was foolish and futile wouldnt let him have his way. hes back on the streets, just like how he was (or wouldve been after getting out of jail) after being disowned. he got a piano gig at a bar, and let himself wallow in grief and depression for 6 months. throughout the events pf PHF, we still see him clinging to memories and trauma. they say “what you let consume you will define you”, and i couldnt begin to describe it any better. putting all of the guilt and blame on his own shoulders, feeling he deserved it all and more. 

either i wasnt paying enough attention (this bitch got some rereading to do) or the purple haze distortion scene was kinda underwhelming. his character arc felt kinda rushed, like most of the book was establishing his bad state and constant flashbacks, and then all of a sudden he has confidence in his abilities and believes in himself. of course, im overjoyed he did get growth, and had a happy ending (depends on how you interpret it). stan fugio

vittorio’s fascination with pain really got me feelin. hgghhhhhhhh hh hnnhhhhh. he describes it well, wanting to feel his life force/energy in the form of pain so that he didnt ‘go extinct’, and the writing of it just saying straight up ‘cutting himself’ ‘hurting himself’ ‘self harming’ made my skin crawl. as someone who suffers with shit like that its both painful and relieving to know a character who has similar habits, whether it’s for the purpose of activating his stand or just to cope. 

2 times in phf, fugo does some kind of suicide attack. of course, he survives both. it’s never made clear whether or not he intended to die/didnt mind dying as it was a way of accomplishing his mission, but either way it got me heavy breathing. the last one especially, when he bites a virus capsule to kill volpe. did he know he’d grown and purple haze would miraculously save him with his own genius plan, or was he going out with a bang? luckily for me it wasnt really gone over like ‘hey you couldve died from that are you doing ok mentally’ or else i mightve felt nauseous reading it. im all for angst, but idk how much more i can take when its day 87 of quarantine and im numb as fuck just waiting to break down. 

angelica’s stand night bird flying (is probably not that complicated im just fuckin dumb) made fugo and everyone else hallucinate/dream. in fugo’s dream, it was pretty much an ideal au.  he was permitted to see his grandma when she was near death (preventing the professor scene), met bruno (fisher boy with fisher dad) on a boat and they became friends, nara went back to school and was doing good overall, abba remained a cop but didnt do any bad things, the whole group was all just good friends having a fun time. god i would licherally sell my body and soul for them all to be happy like that and all live. 

the concept of abandonment also messed me up, just the feeling that everyone say fugo as someone who abandoned the group in their hour of need out of selfishness made me wanna cry angry sad depression tears. hes a good man! let him be ok and happy i will fight all fugo haters no cap

every time i think back to the fugio restaurant scene i just. idk man it hurts me. the pessimistic bitch in me says that it would be unrequited and fugo would only be more sad because even through his efforts, he’s just another pawn working for giorno. on the other hand, it makes me soft n giddy because?? omyfucking god giorno asks fugo to call him giogio when NOBODY ELSE IN THE BOOK had referred to him as that. the fuckin “if grief anchors your feet, let me share it” part makes me wanna jusyt. complete my kin transformation into fugo and be a sobbin g  shaking mess in his arms as he tells me its all gonna be ok. was that a vent? absolutely. anyways, its pretty damn special for the don of the mafia to invite you to breakfast at a fancy restaurant before the place opens and its just the two of you. giorno fixes fugo’s injuries and tells him that he’s proud of his growth, and that he knew fugo could do it. dude?????? if i didnt already know i was a lonely affection/affirmation/attention starved bitch that wouldve done it for me.

holy fuck that was longer than i expected it to be. i do feel better tho

[tomiyeee]

9& 16 for the ask!

under cut cuz long lol

9) Thoughts on the redesigns?

vert with a goatee feels fitting. it’d be hard to change the main character much more than that and i’ve already long been warmed up to goatees on characters since, what...ffxv? so i like it. wish they had made his surferness more apparent, but his design is too sexy as is to fit that anywhere without destroying the aesthetic. the tank top’s good enough and it’s cute as hell anyway. 9.5/10

kadeem is vastly different, but both versions look good, tho Acc does have more recognizable features (primarily the hair) which makes that version easier to draw. that’s part of the reason i haven’t drawn much banj/kadeem since they are the hardest for me :( there’s just not much to ‘em. 7/10

lani is certainly a lot more unique in Acc. the hoop earrings are a nice touch, even if they may not be practical as a mechanic. i applaud her for being confident enough to work with large machinery and cars without ripping her ears off. i appreciate that they didn’t go overboard with her hawai’i background, though they very easily could have; she’s just someone who happens to be from hawai’i and i love that bc same hat. wish she couldve been more differentiated from karma, tho that’d probably be better solved on karma’s side than lani’s. blue girl w/pale skin and black ponytail is already taken, make karma a red head or smth. also my friend mentioned giving lani a more neutral, less teku-themed color scheme, like purple and yeah. also ditch the bug eyes, they’re always unsettling to look at on her, tone, and taro. 8/10

markie has an excuse. 1/10

kurt got more boring in both aesthetic and personality. street breed had the coolest uniforms and overall theme, but in Acc kurt has the messiest outfit on teku--everyone else has pretty coherent outfits that u can kinda get the gist of and draw from memory with one glance. his just looks like a mess of colors and graphics slapped onto a skin-tight jumpsuit. what is that shit on his legs. haircut bad too. he’s at least recognizable. 5/10

taro...honestly i think i’ve built up an immunity to acceleracers proportions enough to not have a visceral reaction to seeing him anymore. a lot of it really is just amplified by his disproportionately sexy WR design. i wish they had kept some semblance of his original design for consistency’s sake, but on it’s own it’s not really any more or less fucked up than any other Acc designs. purple lipstick bad. that outfit? burn it. sir you are a millionaire, stop digging in the trash for clothing. go buy urself something nice and buy some clothes for ur friends too while ur at it. 3/10

WR tezla looks marginally better than Acc (or what is the other way around? dont remember) but his full body cast is stupid. chin pistons??? moon shoes??? giant metal mickey mouse gloves??? what are you doing old man?? 4/10

gelorum got worse but more iconic. her WR design looked cooler and fit her vibes better but looked generic; if you saw fanart of her w/o context it’d prob be hard to recognize what she’s from. Acc is much better in that regard but the hair style is weird and the green face lines are cool in concept but could’ve been done better. collar feels out of place, would replace with just a higher collar on the dress. design overall feels very off-balance, with most of the details and non-black colors only at the top and left (with her arm) and the bottom 80% just being a plain black dress. most of the robot parts don’t make sense no matter how you look at it--why just the one robot arm? why the green face lines/forehead plate? why the collar?--and just feel slapped on for the hell of it. good concept, poor execution. 3/10

16) Any crossover/AU ideas?

so many...gonna dump em all here since i realize i dont think ive put these anywhere outside our discord

httyd - i’ve actually posted designs for synkro, bassline, and nightlife as well as a drone as dragons. there’s also a power rage nadder that i never posted anywhere. it’s not a finalized design, just the first iteration that i never bothered to go back n refine at all.

tf2 - ...yeah

overwatch - not much thought put into this beyond vague similarities, but still fun to think about :)

(incomplete) pokemon teams - never got the chance to go thru n find 6 for each of em, but some do have types/themes. asterisks are their aces.

[reanimationstation]

what r ur thoughts on 2004 phantom of the opera even though I don't know what that is

2004 phantom is the movie with . uh. i dont lnow names. it was on youtube for free last night!! legally!!!

ANYWAYS

OH BOY

:) my thoughts are somewhat incoherent and disorganized its gonna be long

spoilers ahead for POTO and LND

i love meg with all my heart and i would die for her in a heartbeat

shes so cute dhfjdjd i love her

this is the only adaptation so far that's made me enjoy Carlotta's character?

anyways im forming a meg and carlotta fan club

THE PUPPIES

WHY ARE THERE SO MANY ANIMALS

i stan the people in the elephant

im sorry but the black and white bits are HILARIOUS and i didnt pay attention to them at all

i reallt hated how all the men (minus Raoul. and Erik, to an extent) were fucking creepy towards the women

it was gross. why did they decide to put that in. its not funny

on a lighter note, the managers are definitely fucking

the opera is a lot. smaller? than imagined it?

christines dress in Think of Me is MUCH different than the stage version but still extremely pretty

LET ME TELL YOU WHEN I SAW RAMIN AS CHRISTINES DAD I LOST MY SHIT SHFJDJDJR

hes so pretty,, only man to play all three people christine loves (her dad, Raoul, and Erik)

(hes erik in the 25th anniversary and i love him)

i am absolutely enamoured with this raoul BUT his hair was iffy and i rated it throughout the movie. you will now be subject to that

Raouls hair at his first introduction: 8/10 i love how the bangs bit swoops down and goes behind his ear, he looks like a schoolgirl

Raouls hair during little lottie: 6/10, why did they brush it back, he looked so cute before. still somewhat messy tho

raouls hair during Notes/Prima Donna: 4/10 WHY did they brush it back so much. he looks like a fucking barbie

raouls hair during masquerade: 5/10 the ponytail is hilarious and doesnt fit him at all

raouls hair post masquerade: 7.5/10 some bits have come loose because hes running around and he looks silly. i love him

raouls hair during all i ask of you: 6/10 i dont remember when this song is chronological so im putting it here (im stupid, i should know, i performed this song). anyways he just ran up several flights of stairs it should be messier

raouls hair during the swordfight: 8/10? idk i was distracted. hh swordfight and pretty men make brain go brrrr

like who LET him out of the house in high waisted pants and a thin ass blouse

IN WINTER

but i gotta say, he looked nice as fuck

shit where was i

raouls hair during Don Juan: 7.5/10 it was ok. i was more distracted by his silly little expressions of confusion and disgust. his eyes were WATERING as he watched what was happening on stage. thats betrayal, babe.

raouls hair during final lair: 9/10 it was soaking wet. it lended to the situation.

ok done with that

masquerade couldve been BETTER

how COULD THEY LIMIT THE COSTUMES TO WHITE BLACK AND GOLD (with very muted colors throughout)

i UNDERSTAND its for the AESTHETIC BUT

HHHHHHH

THE STAGE PRODUCTION MASQUERADE IS BETTER THATS ALL IM SAYING

I WANT CHAOS. I WANT COLORS

funnily enough in the stage production, Raoul is basically the only one who keeps this black and gold color scheme, and ends up looking underdressed.

not any of our leads (including the girys) not wearing masks smh

i will say that despite wearing masks, a lot of the ensemble is attractive

i spotted a person who would literally make a perfect book-accurare raoul

mustache and all dbfbdndnd

where was i

oh, Eriks costume was such a downgradeeee

hmph

raoul being a fucking idiot by A) leaving Christine to get a sword, and B) jumping down in tbe pit after Erik

dumbass. i love you

him sleeping outside of christines door was adorable

him. is adorable

uhhhh

on to erik

his face. is that cgi??? it couldnt be practical, right?

anyways i hated it. but not in a "ugh that's disgusting way", more in a "stage versions can and have done this makeup better"

try harder

i barely noticed it when christine ripped off his mask the first time

they really needed to just. try harder with erik overall.

uhhh whats next

oh im gonna talk about the swordfight again

WHY WAS ERIK THE ONLY ONE PROPERLY DRESSED FOR WINTER

and not even on purpose, thats just how he dresses normally

yeah christine was wearing a cloak but aLL OF HER CHEST WAS EXPOSED. SHES A SINGER. COVER UP AND PROTECT YOUR THROAT/LUNGS, IDIOT

raouls arm really never got the proper medical care it needed. ill touch on this again in a sec

the way erik chased joseph buqet(?) had the energy of elementary school tag

the final lair

raoul just falling down into the water trap was the funniest shit

like. he takes a step and immediately DROPS

the water trap was fun!! poor design tho. why was the escape mechanism on the inside

erik is bad at tying people up. good thing instead of trying to escape, out local idior is singing

he liTERALLY couldve just leaned forward to let the first rope fall off this shoulders and worked to avoid the noose

idiot. babey.

his arm is bleeding again and honestly i cant believe it never got infected

like damn. thats been a day or two, right? it shouldve closed up by now. all you did was go swimming, the fuck you mean it opened again

that boat is TINY i gotta say

aaaa meg coming back to set up LND

i hate LND but meg in pants is just 💝💘💕🌈

aaand. uh. oh right

i hate LND

but the date on christines gravestone is 1917?

and i thought LND happened in 1907?

which is when she. dies.

back to the actual movie, the fact that they changed when the chandelier fell to be nearer the end of the movie IRKED me

i think thats all i have to say about this movie?

this was all done from memory, so forgive me if things are off, or if i forgot something

overall: im gay and i enjoyed watching pretty people. it has its problems but its not bad

[fiftyshadesgrl]

Wrecked

I sit shivering from fear and cold, my clothes dripping from the freezing rain outside. I have heard about negan and the saviors but had never ran into them. I had been alone since my boyfriend abandoned me, how long was it, six months, a year. I had no idea all i knew is it was spring when we were cornered in that gas station by walkers and now it was winter.

Jake, my boyfriend at the time said the gas station looked safe, but nothing ever is safe these days. I followed him to get supplies and luckily this place hadnt been raided yet. We split up, i go for canned foods, water and medical supplies, jake goes for ammo and weapons.

I heard the walker outside, i ducked and waited until i thought it was clear. Turns out more made their way to us. Jake turned the corner just as i was closing my bag, he signaled for walkers outside. I nodded and crawled across the floor away from the walkers sights. I stood next to jake, "we cant go out the front way." Jake nodded and signaled towards a exit in the back,, i nodded and followed him.

Jake turns a corner, the big exit sign in sight. Jake turns the knob and i cringe as it squeaks loudly. He opens the door just a crack to make sure its clear then opens it all the way. Everything seemed to blur then. A walker grabbed jakes arm, the walkers arm detached as jake slammed the door back shut.

I heard glass breaking and bodies hitting the floor. I looked around and seen the managers office and rushed towards it, twisting the knob and thank god it was unlocked. "Jake! Over here!"

He lets go of the door and runs to where i am. I see the walkers coming in from where jake just stood. I slammed the door and slid the lock in place. The walkers started pushing and banging on the door, jake used all of his weight and pushed against the door.

"(Y/n) help me hold the door." I pushed all my weight against the door, didnt seem like it did much good from the way the hinges were creaking with every push. We looked desperately for a way out, not seeing anything in my sight that would help us i followed jakes gaze to the heat duct above the desk. "Think we could reach it?" I say as the door shook violently.

He looks me deeep in the eyes, "i can for sure."

I nodded, "okay you go first while i hold the door then you pull me up."

He shook his head, "theyll get in before i could reach you."

"What do we do then? We cant just stay in this room." I say trying to hold back the tears.

He leans towards me and kisses me, "i love you." He whispers agaainst my lips.

"I love you too." I say knowing this would be our last kiss. Suddenly jake lurches forward jumping up on the desk and pulling the cover to the duct off. "What are you doing?" I yell as the door gives way more.

He shrugs, "survival of the fittest. Ill miss ya." He climbs into the duct, leaving me behind.

"You son of a bitch!" I scream. I check to see how many bullets i have left in my handgun, just one. If those damn things wanted a meal they aint getting me alive. I look over at the file cabinet and decide to fight for my life.

I made a quick lunge for the file cabinet and push it, i seen the door giving way but i had to do something. I push and it tilts, i push with all my sttength and huff out a breath as it falls over just as the doors hinges give. I jumped up on the desk and jump towards the opening of the duct, almost damn it. The door begins to break more, a walker is halfway through. The pack on my back is making it hard to jump so i open it, grab a water bottle, a first aid kit and a can of spam.

The walker is crawling through as i make one last attempt to jump. I jump and get a grip inside the vent. I pull with all my strength, i have my upper body laying inside the vent as the walker grabs my boot. I kick franticly but its grip is relentless. I grab my handgun from my belt and shoot the walker in the head. Throwing the gun down as i pull myself the rest of the way into the vent.

I lay there for a minute trying to catch my breath. I can hear the walkers below scratching and clawing trying to get to the vent, thankfully i know they cant. After that day i have been on my own, i never found jake even if i did id probably kill him for leaving me.

I sit now in a room that reminds me of a interrigation room at a police station, but at least it was dry and warm. The man who now sat in front of me his name was simon, his 60's porno mustache stood out to me and thats how i remembered his name. "So little lady, where are you from?"

I look up confused, this wasnt the question i had been expecting. He shook his head, "what i mean is what group are you from."

I shake my head, "im not with any group."

He leaned forward in his chair and intertwined his fingers. "Dont lie to me, its better if you just tell me before the main man gets here."

"Im not lying. Ive been on my own for months." I say shivering, i hear a door open and a tall dark haired man wearing a leather jacket walked in. He swung a barbwired covered bat around as he whistled some kind of tune.

He took in my appearance and nudged simon with his elbow, "simon, be a gentleman and get the lady a blanket." Simon didnt hesitate, he stood and left the room when he came back in he handed the man the blanket and exited the room. He walked over towards me and wrapped the blanket around my shoulders, i clutched it and shrunk into it getting all the warmth i could.

He walked back around the table and sat down, "whats your name doll?" He asked, i couldnt help the way his voice warmed me on the inside.

"(Y/n)" my teeth had stopped chattering and my toes and fingers strated to get the feeling back in them.

He smiled and nodded, "im negan." I felt the fear creep back up my spine at the mention of the name i had heard so much of. He chuckled, "i take it youve heard of me."

I nodded, theres no reason to lie because what have i got to lose. "Yeah quite a bit actually."

He ran his tongue over his teeth as he leaned back in his chair. "Whats a pretty little thing like you doing all alone out in this cold?"

"I have nowhere to go." I say matter of factly.

Negan furrows his brow, "of course you do. If youve heard of me then youve heard of the sanctuary, you couldve always come here. How long have you been on your own?"

I shrug, "i dont really know 6 months to a year. I dont even know what month it is."

"Its december." He says handing me a bottle of water, i down it in a matter of seconds. "How long since you have ate?"

I place the bottle down on the table gently, "three days ago." He nods then goes to the door, he ls talking to someone. He shuts the door a moment later then sits back down in the chair across from me.

"What group were you with? Whyd you leave?" He crosses his leg to where his ankle is resting on his knee.

"I wasnt with a group. It was just me and my boyfriend for a while. Then we got cornered one day and he chose to save his own ass and left me behind. I got out though thankfully. Ive been on my own ever since." Theres a knock on the door and negan goes to answer it, he comes back holding a tray of food. My stomach rumbled at the smell of whatever it was, he placed it in front of me. There was various vegetables, soup, and bread. I dug in immediately and negan just sat and watched.

He waited til i was done to ask anything else. "Howd you survive all this time?"

I leaned back, having a full stomach and being warm made my eyelids heavy. "I kept low, stole when i absolutely had to and stayed away from walkers."

He laughed, "thats a real fuckin woman there. Well let me be the first to welcome you to the sanctuary. You can stay as long as you like. Come with me cause i know youre in desperate need of a fuckin shower."

"No shit." I chuckle under my breath, he laughs again as he leads me upstairs to a magnificent bedroom.

"Everything youll need is in the bathroom there. Ill have you some clean clothes on the counter before you finish." Why was everyone so scared of negan? He was portrayed as a monster, a blood thirsty psyco who would kill someone if they looked at him the wrong way. This wasnt the negan that was standing before me. I feel like i can trust him. Will it come back to bite me in the ass? Only time will tell.

To be continued.......

@an-unhealthy-obsession @holylulusworld @vicmc624 @jesseswartzwelder @tftumblin @justanotherwinchester

[sikereviewdotcom]

strawberry shortcake s2 ep1 - horse of a different color

this one was suggested by someone who couldnt keep their mouth shut and not sing the strawberry shortcake intro theme in the middle of our economy class

no one wanted to hear that, but they  went ahead and then i actually followed up on that train of thoughts i remembered about the fucking cartoons and i knew it pronto: its a must-see shit its like slightly above the level of magical school bus series, but the final rating is for the fin not the beginning so lets begin this horseshit:

were reviewing “horse of a different color”, it focuses indeed on strawberrys horse, honey pie pony (its her entire damn name, how sweet right? like all of them, i got diabete from this review but its the cost of maintaining this blog anyway, the kids are playing together on a that tree having fun jumping around like chimpanzees hooba hooba but sadly our filly quickly realizes she cant play king kong with them and keep falling on her ass,

yet since theyre all retarded or young (id say its a fifty-fifty case for them kinda normal ig, i mean they ARE literal 6yo) they try several ways of getting her up on that tree, not thinking how to get her down if they ever were to succeed (good for them: aint happening) its child labor too btw, from an horse still same deal what if honey pie fell down on them? crushing them corpses with her mighty pounds? the findus company would be delighted to hear such news, im sure its some quality (sweet ass) horse meat

once it all fails she understands a horse isnt meant to climb a tree, too big too fat its four legged, not even entertaining the relationship giraffes have with trees

but it aint over, then (after a talk with herself) hp hears the laughters of a bunch of kids which catches her attention, it always does who can ignore that sorta noise? although she aint annoyed by it shes just into the idea of riding a bike now, shes even gonna get a go at it oh yea thats it we finally found her human hobby gogdamn shes a backward furry

of course it fails aswell since she has no hand for the handle and shes heavy so i guess its the reason why she rides into w/e and cant stop? because otherwise she couldve also just.. actually it makes no sense does it? i mean she couldve easily stopped the ride actually how is that kid bike even holding her? ive never tried putting a pony on a bike for 6 y/o but i doubt about its capacity in not being crushed aswell as i doubt in the kids bones not being severely damaged after a visit under honey pies horsy buttcheeks

but all of that really makes her sad: she cant play with her human friends and shes the only horse around strawberry land or whatever see me tearing it for her, theres so much emotions in this episode especially after that filly trynna get kids to get into some horseplay horseshit like dude theyre only 6, lets go easy on them, might have a problem with the parents of the kids watching this episode no one even thought how fucked up this one part is? sure horseplay isnt only sexual or w/e but it still is the visual of 6yos on all four jumping around and neighing together with their ass a little bit too exposed wow im going on a dangerous road here? aint i? not gonna sue the writers im sure it was their subconscious speaking probably got issues from their childhood, eventually got them sorted out since 2004 what do i know? aside from me not caring

back on track : after seeing horsey being so sad the kiddos decide to get her a horse friend but where the fuck? they got no idea, they are proud nonetheless and go tell honey the good new until they are like “wait but we have no idea where to find horses!” ofc we get a big reveal, some serious strawberry shortcake lore: actually all the horses, ALL OF THEM FROM THE ENTIRE FUCKING PLANET are on one (1) single island: ice cream themed to diversify it all they are just chilling over there in ponyland and for some reason this one here got lost or idk guys she took the boat and checked the rest of the world out as an even younger filly, found strawberry and her friends and decided now she was a centaur  slash humanrry furry human, idk you get it but shes their friend and so on to introduce the concept of an AWESOME island full of equestrian activity and ofc ice cream but its kinda lame because who cares? everythings already made out of food, also why isnt the ice cream melting? its one water? nevermind for the introduction as i was saying, hp sings an horrendous sounding song it deteriorated my ear drums they got pierced or something  or maybe im exagerrating? either case horses cant sing:

so to the ice cream land they go, huh

of course it wouldnt be a big adventure without an almost broken bridge oh no whatever shall we do? could we possibly cross it safely? lets try it out  guys: yay it worked good for us little stress and suspense it was wack how they got honey pie out of the hole her big ass hoove made im mesmerized by the power of friendship and sugar at this point, just in full awe for the rest of the episode probably over dosed on all the ice cream flavoured horseshit, i got some all over my mouth its dripping on my desk i gotta clean that later

next thing we know: horses its all this episode is about (aside from labor) but you see, so far hp would switch between normal human language and neighing well turns out her other fellow equines can only neigh and so they just neigh together while our english well-spoken mammal translates to the moronic kids who just smile smuggly

of course the animals are having a welcome party then, dancing around while the morons are just bored, harsh one being a cartoon character isnt it guys? w/e theyre gonna ask for honey pie to come back home now, convinced that her natural habit isnt her place and she loves them too much to just leave them and never come back and break any plans they ever had together- oh shit looks like shes leaving forever huh? what a plot twist mark that on the bitch quota for today

the first one to leave is the little boy btw, important thing to note: hes the biggest pussy he cant even face reality: oh no, no more pony back time before sleep thats quite a bummer, downer and man how are they going to survive now they got no animal to watch over them? jesus theyre soon, on the boat (idk where they got it from idk why suddenly theyre on a boat because then theyre once again gonna cross that bridge but ok) anyway yea theyre having a relationship crisis during that ship trip yada yada ah and the bridge, because (see i do not call them morons for now reasons obviously they deserve this title not only because theyre 6 but also because they are just daft:) they proceed, once in the middle of the bridge all 4 of them, to stop and wonder

“will the bridge be able to hold all of us? wont it break? damn i wonder if it will crack” and they talks without moving until vlam: a tree comes and breaks it (dont ask) so now theyre in trouble:

back to ponyland: bitch pie realizes how much she misses her actual friends and that she can speak english which her other horse friends cant do so she is special and probably abnormal, shes a big outcat of the pony society and has no other reason but to escape her incoming death sentence for fraternizing with the humans of course none of the second part is true, she just wants to see the kids again so she says asta la vista baby to the neigher team and runs away see, she hasnt taken the boat and yet also arrive to the bridge? why a boat sequence then? i will skip this for now but it WILL play in the rating, imagine im the parent of the youngster watching this crap and i have to endure it

if it sucks this bad and is this illogical i might just get bored and change the channel, idc my progeny aint gonna be watching this in either case, ill make them watch political debates then interrogate them on what they learned after what but it wasnt actual political debates just random furry youtuber venting with their fursona sprites animated and thats how you make your kids retarded, the kick of this joke is that i aint planning on getting any kids but totally gonna make them watch classics too such as the attack of the killer donuts as soon as they reach 6 so they wont be dumb and probably not getting diabete or w/e in their adulthood

then honey pie saves the kids btw all of them, heavy shit

and they all go back to strawberryland, happily after a big “wow i missed you sm, you are my real friends w/e if you dont look like me i aint speciest guys really!” theyre all vegan too btw so this works for them i havent watched enough strawberry shortcake episodes to know if they ever eat meat but i have doubts seeing how theyre into a very cannibalistic diet which include eating dessert when obviously thats what they are at least half part, this cartoon raises a lot of political questions it may have a deeper value than i first attributed to it

the end: another terrible song plays about horseshit and how tasty it is

thats all folks

so the rating: big 6/10, so you know 5/10 if its a decent kid show where im highly eager to click on the x and get back making jams but nah

surprisingly enough, i only wanted to stop watching half of the episode and not the entirity of it so credits for thats since im an adult and not a kid, imagining kids enjoyed this sweet childish cartooness or w/e now why +1? its because of how many political questions it raised, how it made me think about our society and cakes yknow its more than kids having a conflict with an horse it talks about veganism, specism, handicap, cannibalism, the management of the limited ressources were exploiting and so on yea really makes you think, its subliminal messages to make kids smarter: they watch their dessert-imbecile counterparts doing bs and then get it right irl: good  ah- it also makes it better for you when youre watching this with your kid, you suddenly transcend to another level of spirituality, existential crisis activated or at least reasoning mode or w/e youre willing to name this the point is you arent bored still despite all of this i rated it quite low for such a serious kid cartoon what couldve possibly made me tic? 1) kids are morons and cant understand all of this, not clear enough for the targeted public 2) projection onto the characters/dialogues from the writers of their childhood traumas (the horse play event didnt go unnoticed, karren brown) 3) my little pony ripoff 4) its controversial, our society, especially in 2004 couldnt understand the depth of this shit and finally 5) i got so much ice cream flavoured horseshit all over my desk god help me this is so filthy what a fucking mess i would totally recommand it to anyone who feels like being blown away by the statements made in this work of art 6/10 but really we all know in the future, itll be a 9/10, some ahead-of-its-time-crap

tg, out

[cupidrpgmoved]

6 through 12 for benrey maybe? (cartoonpartners)

OFC TY !! @cartoonpartners

6) what are some tropes that fan art of your f/o tends to follow? 

THE SHARP TEETH.. SHADOW EYES.. yellow sclera!!!! ive also seen a lot of short benrey and also long hair benrey which 💘💘💘💘💘 (every short benrey ive seen however has always been taller than me AJDKSNDKSNF i guess i win the hlvrai manlet award 💔)

ALSO every fanart with the sweet voice esp when theres new meanings made up .. love that. love it so much. esp the hc that it can be uncontrollable sometimes

7) did your f/o deserve better?

i genuinely enjoyed his character "arc" in the series but im a sucker for the friendship so yeah i wish they couldve gotten a better ending even if i did think their ending was suitable for the series itself (unless you count the acab stream as canon, but ive also heard everyone dies at the end so like idk lol i havent personally finished watching it)

8) do you even like the source your f/o comes from or do you only watch it for them & nothing else?

oh i fucking LOVE hlvrai so much ive only watched it a couple times bc its long but i enjoy it thoroughly and i 100% watch it for everyone.

9) do you distance yourself from other fans of your f/o or their source?

KINDA? but not on purpose .. its all instinct mr freeman im scared

10) how did you feel when you realized “oh of course i had to like That Character”?

it DESTROYED ME in a good way i literally went into the series with only fanart in mind and was like haha tberes no way and then i got to the end and was like haha i guess there is a way

11) do you think it’s better to have a copious amount of content for your f/o, even with the risk of finding a lot of ship art, or better to have a lot less?

i enjoy having lots of content for them bc i have suffered w having little to no content and its even worse than having lots of ship content. i honestly dont even really mind the ships with him persay, but it can be somewhat frustrating when i just want solo content.

12) aren’t you tired of being nice? this is an excuse to rant.

listen i know the whole t*mblr s*xyman thing is mostly a joke ESPECIALLY in this fandom and ive poked fun internally at myself because ive f/oed a couple of them, but the way ppl outside the fandom immediately tried to dogpile on calling benrey the "new t*mblr s*xyman" makes me kinda peeved. it feels like ppl slap that label on any somewhat popular character wayy too easily. like im not gonna go up to someone calling them a sexyman and yell at them for doing so but its just kinda like... dumb to me? we dont need to label every character that gets a sliver of popularity as a sexyman. its not a huge deal to me but its kind of annoying to basically see the same joke about benrey being one ykno. i HONESYLY DONT CARE about the whole sexyman thing but it gets tiring after a while to see basically the same jokes like im just trying to have a good time man

[tfw-no-tennis]

huntoxhunto

we watched 2 whole more eps but we’re abt to vacay so i better recap this biz now before i forget

ok so we finished the zoldyck arc and uhhhh gotta say we werent expecting like any of that to happen lol 

ok ill back up so we start w/killuas mom (i dont think we ever heard her name) confronting gon & co....and canary (i lov her) is not dead which i assumed but thank goodness. 

zoldyck mom was totally using nen. also she is off her rocker gotta say. tho that visor is super cool, albeit confusing - is it connected to a bunch of security cameras or something? how does she see all that shit? 

granpa is wild. his tunic thing that says ‘one kill a day’ or w/e is kinda hilarious, it reminds me of the ‘apple a day keeps the dr away’ saying...a murder a day keeps the....idk away????

i love that killua makes it abundantly clear that he couldve like escaped at any time lol. also tho why didnt he just escape....baby boy just leave 

killua getting all serious and threatening milluki if he messes with gon....my boys got it BAD 

this family has so many communication issues hvbjadkfbjaskdfj nobody is on the same page at all 

the butler guy continued to remind me of kuro one piece this whole time...i was waiting for him to bust out the ridiculous cat claws

oh my GOD wait the flashbacks of EVEN BABIER KILLUA were so precious ;_; he was soooo tiny and cute oh my god. so precious. and canary was also so tiny and cute 

baby killua really just wanted a friend :(((( and canary wanted to be friends w/him but knew that mom zoldyck would kill her if she overstepped like that :( thats so tragic mannnn

also canary is so cool man. her beating up all those guys was epic

ok that whole scene with killua and his dad was like, such a rollercoaster lmao

like....it was all over the place for me...first of all the ambiance was wack, the room lighting was weird and im p sure killuas seat was an electric chair??? and the dad was in a coffin thing..???? like....interesting aesthetic choices all over the place here 

also i see now where killua got his hair and also his catboy tendencies. the zoldyck catboy genes seem to trace back to zoldyck dad, who has kinda scary cat eyes 

also im guessing that the dad is the blood zoldyck and the mom is the one who married in. they sure seem to put a lot of emphasis on like, family legacy or w/e, but the two parents certainty go abt it in different ways 

the whole convo b/w killua and his dad was wild, it totally didnt go where i was expecting it to. his dad was weirdly chill while also being super intense? 

killua happily telling stories abt gon was so sweet....baby boy baby 

and his dad telling him ‘never betray your friends’ was rlly interesting...i wonder what his reasons were for saying that 

cause then he tells killua he can leave, and killua does, but then dad zoldyck tells mom zoldyck (i rlly need to find out their names) that he thinks killua will come back on his own time....inch resting 

i wonder if dad zoldyck made killua promise that bc he was trying to set killua up for failure - as in, he tells killua to never betray his friends, thinking that killua inevitably will & be distraught abt it, and then turn back to the zoldyck family when this happens. idk

also its interesting to me that zoldyck dad wants killua to lead the family someday. like, illumi is right there, hes the oldest and clearly dedicated to being an evil assassin, and he seems p good at it...i wonder why killua is the favorite....the grandpa (i think) did say that killua is Special(tm) which...yes he is a special baby boy i love him. i wanna see more zoldyck family flashbacks/interactions so we can see what led them to this point 

oh lord that reminds me of illumi briefly appearing in the killua flashback and hes just like, suddenly there, wearing some gay ass sweater....like ok dude did you just come back from the Evil Assassin Library or st?????

that reminds me too, ruth tells me that apparently in the manga illumi and hisoka got married or something???? to which i say, thats fucking wild, but also it makes sense, those two are both horrible and disgusting and they absolutely deserve each other hbvajvhsdfjbak peak evil nasty gay rep, i love it. i cant wait to see whatever the fuck the context to that is bc, thats fucking wild

ok back to the plot so like its so wild to me how smoothly everything went hvubsjduhfbjsh like....killuas dad was rlly like ok u can leave and killua just went to the butler house and then canary woke up and was like ok gon & crew lets go to the butler house to see killua, fuck the rules, (and she didnt even get killed for ‘disobedience’ or w/e, or more likely - in most big shounen, she wouldve been attacked by the other evil butlers and gon wouldve had to fight them)

killua Rlly was like fuck this place im leaving my boyfriend and his parents are here to pick me up [puts on gayest outfit he owns and skateboards away] hvbhsjdfbjdkf

i love killuas weird gay preteen fashion so far and i cant wait to see more 

killua telling the butler guy to let him know as SOON as gon gets there cause he wants to see him AS SOON AS HE CAN ;_; bro they r....in love 

of course the butler is trickey tho lmao, any other shounen this wouldve turned into an 8 ep long fight scene sequence where gon has to fight the butlers in order to see killua 

and the of course gon is the same way, gon is like i need to see killua RIGHT NOW take me to him!!! ohhh my god babies

the whole coin game was wild, it was funny when the other butlers got involved too lmao 

when gon was like ‘hey leorio can i see your knife’ i was like OH NO I DONT LIKE WHERE THIS IS GOING. and i was right bc OWWWWW baby boy oh my god!!!! but that seems to have solved it even tho thats NOT how swelling works at ALL- 

anyways gon is a cute smart good boy and i also find it funny how killua eventually gets impatient and just busts in on this whole dramatic situation (and the tension immediately deescalates as a result lmao) 

tangent but god its so funny seeing all these butler guys deferring to killua, an actual 12 yr old....i wanna see the hilarious and hijink-filled results of killua being raised as a rich spoiled assassin prince. thats a lethal combo thats gotta result in some wildly skewed perceptions on how things work, especially paired with gon ‘probably eats dirt for fun and sleeps in trees’ freecess 

godddd gon and killuas lil reunion is SOOO cute they were so happy to see each other ;_; bro they are SO cuteeeee augh. two tiny babies

killua being like oh hi also uh kurapika andddd [looks at smudged writing on hand] lorpo 

hvhhbajfbs dont do my man leorio like that killua hes a hardworking father 

the fact that they just like. LEAVE...thats so wild. i cant believe how little fighting this arc had. this all wrapped up SO much faster than i could have ever anticipated lmao 

where the heck was alluka!? i assumed she’d show up here but uhhhh guess not......in the silhouette shot of all the zoldycks she and killua were holding hands ;_; my fucking uwus bro 

we also didnt see the grandma or great grandpa so im guessing theyll appear later 

gon being like fuck it im not using my hunters license til i punch hisoka in the fucking face hvbhahsfbjsk thats hilarious 

also a convenient way to let him have his hunters license but not utilize it til later in the story...its so early for him to have achieved that big chunk of his goal, which just shows that hxh is Not your typical shounen and isnt gonna just be centered around gons quest to become a hunter 

so we finally found out what hisoka said to kurapika....just as i thought, it was st to do w/the phantom troupe. so theres a handy setup for the yorknew city arc later. bam 

hisoka just being like ‘hey meet me in this (presumably) very large city on this date. no i will not tell you where in the city to meet me. bye seeya there’ 

tbf hisoka is very hard to miss 

god when they arrive and kurapika is just like ok well we got killua so im out lol bye everyone....bro hvbjkhgbfjhdksfhjk that felt so abrupt 

and then leorio was like oh yeah same i gotta go study time to take the fantasy MCAT or w/e

AND THEY BOTH LEFT....now gon and killua r chilling but im like oh my god no leorio kurapika come back, we need some (questionable) adult supervision over here 

and like immediately killua is like ok gon do you have money. and of Course gon doesnt have money. so killua is like well you need money and you need to train so you can deck hisoka, so lets go to a fantasy version of an underground fighting ring! this is why kurapika and leorio needed to stay 

tho they probably wouldve just gone along with it 

they did all promise to meet in yorknew city, but thats apparently like 6 months away. are gon and killua rlly gonna spend 6 months at heavens arena

the part where killua draws the diagram demonstrating how much of a n00b gon is....hvbajdkhfbhajskf

AND THEN when he drew himself into the diagram and was like :3c wow im so modest HBJHSKHDFHBJS that was so funny

it was like that post thats like ‘you can tell when a cats pupils change and they just shift into Silly Mode’ thats what killua looked like...catboy

so thats basically it i think, gon and killua are heading to heavens arena to join fight club or whatever. tournament arc time! 

PREDICTION CORNER: 

i doubt this is the last weve seen of the zoldyck family. i mean we havent even met 3 of them, and we barely saw the ones we did meet...idk when theyll come back but i suspect theyll be making some big money moves later on and fucking shit up somehow 

i think maybe illumi or someone will like, spy on killua sometimes to keep track of him. or theyll track him by other means

ill use the prediction corner to reflect on incorrect predictions so heres a few. i rlly thot killua was gonna be more edgy than he is but hes rlly just a good boy huh. like hes a gay baby assassin catboy but hes so cute and good too. he just wants to live his life and hang out with his tiny bf like... omg :’) 

also i thot hisoka held a totally different narrative role lbvahkfjhjjaksfl i thot he was like main villain guy....hes more like an annoying creepy clown dude who (probably) shows up a lot to bother the main cast. we’ll see, but thats what i think of him now

like i thought hisoka would be like p1 dio, where hed be/quickly become a powerful antagonist who would amass a bunch of followers/minions (when actually the only person he seems to hang out w/is illumi, and theyre more like equals than an evil guy/minion dynamic)...or like i thought hisoka would be very well known as a scary evil guy but nope he was just another participant in the hunter exam, albeit a weird freaky one whose rancid vibes everyone seemed to pick up on 

anyways actual predictions, i think hisoka is gonna be at heavens arena, which would be super funny. gon is like im gonna train to beat hisoka and he shows up to do that and hisokas just there like >;) hey

i think if i had to guess, the zoldycks will show up again (in a plot important way) at the end of the yorknew arc/before the greed island arc. i know basically nothing abt any of the arcs but i do know the order they go in so theres that

i do think illumi will show up earlier than the other zoldycks tho, since he seems to be out doing his own thing more than the rest. also we still really havent resolved the whole mind control thing that im still convinced of 

i think nen will finally be introduced/alluded to heavily in this arc...or like, characters will use nen and gon will be like whoa whats that 

i think killua knows what nen is...maybe? it would make sense since im sure all the zoldycks can use it (at least, we saw mom zoldyck use it, probably)

can killua use nen already? that would be pretty funny. i dont think so tho. maybe u learn nen at a certain age. i have no idea what nen is 

also isnt gons nen power the power to like, turn into a really buff version of himself or something. how the fuck does that work 

ok enough nonsense its bedtime zzzzz

[etherealskeletons]

･ ･ ･

now that i moved REALLY far away from my family and dont have a working cellphone they can blow up at odd hours. i dont have to play therapist for them anymore, i dont have to listen to their bs sob stories, i dont have to worry about something being thrown at me or getting screamed at or guilted -- i dont actually have to do anything with them. i dont think ive ever felt so.. i dunno? peaceful? happy in my own home? its a nice feeling, i hope this feeling never goes away

sometimes my family tries to talk to me via my dad and act like we’re the best of pals and tell him how much they miss me and love me and everything under the sun [except my moms side of the family, they completely disowned me and cut me off. i actually havent heard anything from them since i moved]

im still mad at all of them to be honest, and i dont think ill ever forgive them for all the shit they put me through. and i KNOW that makes me sound like a Bitter Asshole, and everyone always says you should love your family because “theyre the only family you have” but jesus, they did so much damage to me

like my moms side is a whole train wreck. they always made me feel so hideous and unwanted, theyd try to screw with my memories and tell me things that happened didnt really happen or that im exaggerating. they kept me around p*dos and drug addicts, theyd always tell me how obese i was despite being 90lbs soaking wet, how ugly i was because i didnt wear makeup and because i wore clothes i was comfy in, they never once said i love you to me. i was nothing but a burden my mother would shove onto them while she went out to party and get high

i always talk about how shitty my moms side of the family is. my dads side of the family was real shitty too though. like, it wasnt just my shitty uncle or my crazy aunt, just about all of them were really fucking shitty and werent afraid to lash out on me

theyd all say how much they love me, but theyd criticize every little thing i did and make huge deals out of any small mistakes i did, they also made me feel just as gross and hideous like my moms side of the family would, they loved screaming, they would throw things near or at me, they loved to tell me everything they put me through didnt happen. there was a mixed bag of family members that would either go “your mother is a fucking whore” or “your mother is a saint who did nothing wrong, you just want to make her look bad. youre such a fucking asshole.” oh man and dont even get me started on the amount of times ive been told i should be thankful that i live with them 5 or 6 days of the week because theyre wayyy better than “that trashy shithole your whore of a mothers family is” [and dont get me wrong i AM thankful i wasnt with my mom 24/7!! but still.] and sometimes theyd tell me my dad wouldve been better off if i wasnt born, because then he wouldnt have been stuck dealing with my “whore of a mother” for 16 years while raising me. he couldve been successful if it wasnt for me

sometimes i remember the shit they put me through in vivid detail, sometimes i dream it. sometimes i end up melting down because its all too much to remember, and it just hurts

i always knew i was terrified of a good majority of my dads side of the family, but i never wanted to accept it. i guess its because i found it hard to believe that both sides of my family were equally as bad

it was hard to make friends when i became homeschooled. i mean, i was already painfully shy, but my family didnt try to get me out of my shell. instead they all guilted me into staying home 24/7 to take care of everything. i actually spent more time taking care of my grandparents and their hoarded up house than doing any of my studies [maybe thats why i feel so stupid all the time]

really, i couldnt do fucking anything. if i even had ONE HOUR to myself for therapy theyd yell at me, degrade me, and say how selfish i am because i could be using that time to take care of my family. id actually end up missing a lot of appointments because of them. they would have a huge fit and id have to stay home or take my grandparents to appointments because they just didnt feel like it and thought since all i do is apparently sit on my stupid fucking ass all day its the least i could do. even though i would give so much to them. id give and give and give, and they would still have the audacity to demand more from me

there was a good handful of times where i was extremely suicidal and on the brink of doing somethin stupid, and all my family cared about was having/running up all my credit. we’d get into arguments where id be crying about how i wanna fucking die damn near every day, and all they would say back to me was stupid shit like “Okay so what?? If youre so suicidal you shouldnt care if I use up all your credit for this family!” which was really code for running up all my credit on themselves on God only knows what. most likely drugs, hookers, or useless shit we already had or didnt need.. my dads side of the family only ever really cared about money. they were all so fucking greedy. if i ever used MY OWN money on myself, my dad, or my little sister, they would call me selfish and make me feel shitty and say dumb shit like “oh, you should be using that on your family that cares about you, yknow?”

just like my moms side of the family, my dads side of the family didnt care about me. i was nothing more than a free servant and laborer

[scaryscarecrows]

Roots and Leaves, Pt. 6

DC did it first. Take your grievances to them.

Jason and Sheila e-mail back and forth for about a week before she says that she has Thursday off so if he has Thursday off does he want to meet for lunch again?

Last time wasn’t bad. Not a lot of staring or people or anything. He can…he can probably do it again. And it’s a few days away still, so he has time to psyche himself up or, worst case scenario, fake his death and move to Canada.

And it’s been a week and she hasn’t pulled out the Pity Card on him yet and maybe…maybe this’ll all work out okay. She might never be Mom, because Catherine’s always gonna be Mom, but…but she could be Mother, maybe. He can see that in the distant (or not-so-distant?) future.

But he’s not going to rush into things, that’s what got him here in the first place. Patience, grasshopper.

Thursday rolls around and he hasn’t faked his death and moved to Canada, so he has no choice but to put on jeans and a hoodie and resign himself to a couple of hours, easy, of no sunglasses and no e-book shield.

Sorry, any small children who might come out of this traumatized.

Okay. He brings his Kindle anyway, and his sunglasses for the journey, and sticks to his normal Civilian Weaponry-couple’a knives, one pair of brass knuckles tucked into a hidden pocket in his hoodie. Last thing he needs is for someone to pick up a bullet, match it to the Red Hood’s, and come knocking on his door. His luck is bad enough that’s exactly what would happen.

Besides, it’s noon on a Thursday, and even in Gotham that’s a slow hour. Bank robbers gotta eat, too.

The monorail ride there is literal Hell (three fighting couples, two crying kids and old man with no personal spaaaaace!) and he’s literally gasping for air when he stumbles out of the car. He likes people. Honest. If he legitimately hated them all, he wouldn’t risk his life to help them. But interacting with them…he could do without that, mostly.

Whatever. Whatever. It’s over, he lived, he’s had worse.

(And no, he doesn’t hear faint cackling in his head, and that’s final.)

It’s windy today, the type of wind that buffets people every which way and is determined to keep his hood off his head. He fidgets with the drawstrings until it’ll stay and buries his hands in his pockets. Wind sucks. He can feel pollen and dust and Gotham Grime being blown onto his skin.

“Jason!”

Is he there already?

Sheila…looks a lot more haggard than she did before. He tries to remember if she’d mentioned being horribly busy, doesn’t think she did, and figures that to be fair, he hasn’t mentioned the bruise that goes halfway up his back.

She smiles, her awkward driver’s license smile, and waves. Yeah, she doesn’t…it must’ve been a long week, or maybe a rough drive or something. She looks tired.

“Hi.” He’s not sure what to call her, still. Miss Haywood is too disconnected, Sheila’s too personal, and it’s way, way too soon for Mother. Names are a pain. “I’m not late, am I?” He knows he’s not. “Monorail was packed.”

“So was the subway. Can I…?”

Her arms are half-out and he figures she’s asking for a hug. He can do a hug, as long as it’s a short hug.

“Yeah. Thanks for the warning.”

Holy crap, she feels frail. But to be fair, barring Dick’s tackle-hug, everyone’s felt frail since…since. So it could just be him. Hugs are weird now.

(“HUG YOUR DADDY!”)

No. Not today. Everything’s fine.

It’s a sort-of short hug, short enough, anyway, and he wonders, abstractedly, if a day will ever come that he’s used to that sort of thing again. If it even matters whether he does or doesn’t.

It does. Of course it does. And the day will come, in time, and he’ll be better, be normal, be what people want him to be.

Little steps.

* * *

They’ve fallen into a companionable silence and for once Jason’s not jumping whenever someone walks by in a purple sweater or anything when Sheila forces her lips out from between her teeth and says, “I know you were Robin.”

Well. That’s, uh, there’s that out of the way.

“Yeah.” There’s clearly no point in denying it. She probably put it together when Batman came knocking. “For a little while, yeah. I was.” He tastes blood, wonders how long he’s been doing that, and wishes he had gum. Or a mint. “I’m sorry I didn’t tell you right off, I just…old habits die hard, I guess.”

“Oh God, no, no, I didn’t mean-” She takes a drink. Her hands are shaking, she’s shaking and he doesn’t know what’s wrong. “I just. I thought I should probably make it clear that I did know, so you wouldn’t…I know I was absent, but I don’t want…you shouldn’t feel like you have to hide things from me.”

Oh. That’s. He doesn’t know what to say. Bruce, God knows, has the emotional capabilities of a Himalayan Salt Lamp. Thankfully Jason hadn’t been the type to go through crushes every two weeks, or he probably would have been in Hell. He certainly wouldn’t have…it’s not like he would have shut down the conversation, but sharing and caring? That would have been awkward and best not repeated. Alfred was the go-to for that sorta thing.

All right, then. Since they’re dropping sudden bombshells ‘n all…he has to know.

“You worked for Joker.” There. It’s out. He said it.

And now he kinda regrets it-the self-loathing on her face is a pretty good match for his own, and he can’t tell himself it’s anything less than deep, deep wishing to have made better choices.

“I did.” She straightens up, begins tearing apart a piece of bread on her plate. “Briefly. I’m not proud, but he had a line to my mother, knew where she lived, knew her schedule…knew.” She swallows hard. “Knew she had to rubber-band her jam jars because she couldn’t open them otherwise. I panicked. But it was only for a couple of months-pills, he wanted pills, as much as I could get him. And then he just…went away. I don’t know what he did with them.”

Honestly, after everything, he can’t…he doesn’t have the right to say much. And honestly? There was that one guy, who accidentally cut the fucker off in traffic and couldn’t get away from him.

And look at him. The first man he killed, that wasn’t…oh, sure, he probably had it coming, at least a little, but Jason wasn’t thinking about that or considering it like he does now, he just…he wanted to kill Bruce. Because that was right and reason at the time even though he knows it’s insanity now.

No, he can’t say much.

“I’m sorry,” he says softly, and it’s suddenly easier to look at his hands. “I didn’t…that sounds awful.”

“No.” She tips his chin up and it’s an effort not to pull away and to remember that it’s fingers, warm human fingers, and not the pointy end of a crowbar against his skin. “You deserved to know. It’s only fair.”

Truth be told, it’s a relief to know that she hadn’t…yeah, technically she could’ve…maybe done something different, but she hadn’t wanted to work for him. She wasn’t like the ones he’d christened Dumb and Dumber that…they enjoyed that kinda work.

Lunch is finished in relative silence after that, though, and he’s wondering what’s going to happen now when she rifles through her purse and swears.

“Damn…I meant to grab an old photo album I wanted to show you, with some old family pictures and things.”

Pictures of Willis? Yeah, he’s good. Pictures of other people might be interesting, though.

“Next time?”

“My apartment’s a few blocks over.”

Something feels off. He’s paranoid, he knows he’s paranoid, but something…she’s been shaky and weird all afternoon and he doesn’t…

Calm the fuck down, you freak out when someone window-shops for too long!

“Is everything…is everything okay?”

Or maybe something is wrong-she pulls a napkin over and there’s suddenly a pen in her hand.

“I really do want you to see these pictures, Jason,” she says, but her hand is moving and there’s the ever-so-faint skrit-skrit of pen on paper. “I swear you got my mother’s eyes.”

The napkin slides over to him and he glances down. Her handwriting’s spikey and awful-doctor writing to the bone-but his is no better and he can read it well enough.

An old colleague has been hanging around the hospital lately.

Oh.

That explains a bit.

“Sure.”

Her shoulders drop and she crumples the napkin, nails picking it into shreds.

“I’m sorry to do this to you,” she says softly, nearly too soft for him to hear, and he’s quick to shake his head.

“No, no, I don’t mind, I’m glad you…if there’s anything I can do to…”

Shit, she looks like she’s going to start crying and that is indeed PANIC in his throat. Tears are not good.

“You’re a good boy.” Her voice is watery but there are no tears to be seen. Thank Jesus. “I promise next time we have lunch it’ll be normal.”

Oh, good, things haven’t plummeted down to fiery Hell because of all the revelations flying around.

“Everything’s gonna be fine,” he says, and whoops that’s his ‘all will be well, citizen, never fear!’ voice. But it must work, because the about-to-cry look disappears. “Um. Do you wanna…it looks like it’s gonna rain, should we get going?”

And so they do.

* * *

The wind has picked up and it smells like rain. He’s not looking forward to patrol later.

The wind’s not so bad, though, to stop Sheila from lighting up with a self-depreciating, “I know I’m a doctor and should know better, but I honestly don’t care.”

“I can’t really say anything.” He holds up his own pack and rattles it before pulling one out. It’s not as calming as it usually is and he doesn’t know why.

Eh. It’s been a long day, that’s all. He’s not used to interacting with people on a personal level anymore, which is his own fault and probably not necessarily a good thing.

The first few drops have started to fall when they arrive at her building-big, square, and simplistic. She fishes out her keys while they’re in the elevator (which smells like new car, for some reason).

The hallway is deserted. It’s a little creepy, to be honest-his own building might be crap, but there’s always activity. And then, of course, there was Arkham’s hallways, or what he could hear of them. Noisy. Always noisy. But this? Wayne Manor was silent like this. It unsettled him then and it unsettles him now. Call him a city boy, whatever, but he needs noise.

The brass knuckles and knives in his jacket are warm and comforting and he knows he’s not gonna need ‘em, but they make up for this creepy-ass silence.

Sheila opens the door and motions him inside. It’s dark inside-blackout curtains, probably-but he can hear the rain. It smells like new car in here, too, and he wonders, off-handedly, why-

-it’s not empty. He’s walked into one too many ‘empty’ buildings to be very, very attuned to the sound of somebody breathing. Okay. Be calm, back out and shut the door.

He’s about to do exactly that when the light switch clicks and bathes the whole place in stark white. White walls, white floors, white furniture.

Which only makes Harley Quinn stick out like a sore thumb in all that red and black.

“BAY-BEE!” She could never hope to match Joker’s grin, but she gives it a good go, stretching her makeup. Okay. Change of plans. Get Sheila out of here (and preferably out of the building), deal with Quinn. “It’s been a whiiiiile!”

He takes in the mallet leaning against the couch and the shotgun (are those fuzzy dice? Really?) in her hands and comes to the conclusion that great, she’s riding the crazy train.

But maybe she hasn’t seen Sheila yet. Where’s that goddamn light switch?

He moves, only a little, only to feel the unmistakable press of a gun against his lower back.

“Don’t. Move.”

And the world drops out from under him.

No. No, no, no, she said she quit, it was over, she said they’d let her go, she said-

The door shuts. He twists so he can still see Quinn in his peripheral. Sheila’s face is a blank mask-no tears, no joy, no nothing. Just quiet determination and he doesn’t understand, she said…

“Mom?” The word feels thick and wrong in his mouth, but maybe…maybe she’s brainwashed or hypnotized or something, maybe she doesn’t…isn’t…

“Sorry, kid.” The words are harsh but her tone isn’t. Quinn giggles in the background but she sounds so far away and Sheila’s still pressing a gun against him. “It was you or me, and, well…it had to be you.”

What?

“Aww, come to mama, baby!” Quinn giggles again before straightening up and scowling. “Now.”

His feet drag him forward, sneakers scuffing against the white carpet an’ Heaven’s s’posed ta be white, innit, so why does this feel like Hell and what’s going on she said she said-

For once horrible, desperate second, he wants Bruce. Bruce wouldn’t…yeah, he’d thought, at first, that he’d left him but he knows that he didn’t, he really didn’t, he just…

Bruce wouldn’t have pulled a gun on him, he wouldn’t and God, if he’d just fucking talked to him-

“I did what you wanted, Quinn.” Sheila’s voice is so, so flat and is this all she wanted from the beginning? Is it? “Now call your man.”

Quinn doesn’t even look at her. She’s looking at Jason like she always did-like she’s torn between wanting to rip his head off and wanting to wrap him in a blanket and keep him.

This is his own goddamn fault, he just thought…just once, just once-

“Quinn!” Desperation now, and the gun wobbles against his hoodie as she steps out from behind him. “I did what you said! Call your man!”

Okay. Okay.

He forces himself to take a few deep breaths that taste like that last cigarette outside and says, voice as steady as he can make it, “Let her go, Harley. Leave her alone, I’ll. I’ll do what you want, just. Just let her go.”

“Aww, look at you!” Her pigtails sway and he finds himself oddly hypnotized by the movement. “I knew ya had to be Robin for a reason.”

Yeah. Yeah, he was Robin and that’s all he’ll ever be, the one that fucked up.

“Please, Harley.”

“Nyeh…” She adjusts her grip on the gun, finger dancing near the trigger, and looks down at her knuckles. “Eeny, meanie, miny, moe, catch a Batman by the toe. If he hollers, let ‘im go, eeny…meanie…miny…moe!”

He sees it before she does it, but there’s no time-he’s moved maybe half a centimeter before the gun goes off-

-and Sheila.

Falls.

His ears are ringing. They’re ringing and everything’s so white except her, all blonde and blue and so fucking red because Harley didn’t miss and if he’d been quicker, he should have been-

“Aww, don’t be sad!” Harley’s not alone, of course she’s not. He should have known from the start stupidstupidstupid. “Doncha know what happens to people who know too much?”

Her eyes are open. They’re open and they’re looking at him like this is his fault and it is if he hadn’t…

S’like Joker said, once.

“Good boys know how to lay down and DIE.”

“Mistah J had a spot for ya, baby.” Huh? “But you up an’ left us before it was time! So since it’s his birthday-” The fucker has no birthday he just appeared one day too evil for Hell. “-I thought I’d get my puddin’ somethin’-” She winks. “Real nice.”

And they’re on him.

Harley’s goons are dumb, but they’re also big and they manage to drag him down for a minute before he gets a knife out of his sleeve and drives it into the nearest jaw.

“Andre!” Yeah, Andre ain’t comin’ back from that any time soon. “I thought we taught you manners!”

He reclaims his knife and scrambles back up and okay okay maybe he can get outta this-

WHAM!

Lights out.

[shytiff]

June Small Wins

1 - ecmocard meeting with ppl from aussie to learn to sort out data. Felt better after the meeting cause i didnt feel like doing anything before. Got two season deli box cake from dapur cokelat for nessa. Videocalled w her and ren.

2 - dr eva chatted and gave things to do. I also need to make intern log for dr retha. I just cant bring myself to start. Finally mustered the courage. Im not the type of person for wfh. At least in this house. Finished reading love or hate. I rly felt like shit at night.

3 - started reading positively yours. Had no will to do anything

4 - some more sending spss work for dr eva. weekdays with no “outside work” rly render me useless in functioning. a vegetable

5 - iluni webinar. Lost my attention during electrolyte and fluid stuff. tried to cook ribeye steak lmao (meat from @/fridaymeatshop). Its too chewy and leathery. But its not too welldone. And at least it tastes good. Went to depok by krl. its quite quick since krl arrived just after im at poris and duri. went ahead of silvi devi. satpam on the lobby wont open the access hhhh (i dont have one. i dunno why. mom said she cant find it although we supposedly have 2). but my mood improved once im upstairs. we prepped a bit of deco. conversed in the dark so not to make racheel suspicious. surprisee. had truffle belly chicken cheese for dinner. the cheese was not to cheesy, its more of a gentle taste. mushroom tastes better. we watched sweet and sour from my mobile data. surprisingly, its not that much of data. slept at like 12-1ish

6 - the electric token went out in the morning. we went for a walk in ui. the PLK man across of st ui forbade us from going in. ugh. but it was rly empty. so we went from barel. its empty on the library. there was a dog that walked along with us. talked a bit in front of the lake. went back. i got 2 moon chicken (the basic flavor and not the wings) and spicy jumeokbap. the jumeokbap was nothing like what i had in korea. like the seaweed’s taste doesnt come out that much, and its not that flavorful/savory. the one in korea its good even by itself. went back to jkt nebeng reza silvi with devi. originally planned to go to flavola, but my head kinda hurts, so i finished my moon chicken at the mushola and asked juan to pick me up. still feel healthy and normal after going and staying out, so i started reading a book abt handwriting analysis lmaoo. fell asleep. tried several attempts to figure out my bpjs number and turns out the best there is to respond is BPJS’ twitter. the problem was solved under 5 mins. 

7 - woke up, fell asleep again. Adita told me that i might be interviewed today for the ipd intern but theres no info. Did the registration stuff for my bpjs. Registered for npwp. Watched bts x na pd

8 - off to RSF. its audit day today. hiks to phonecall follow up work. i did not do anything inaco related, i just sat there and did dr dafsah’s excel. dr vera bought me pecel ayam hehe yay. went to como park to meet up with indah regen. tried ricotta pizza from pizza place (33k). the cheese is cheese but not that typical cheesy (?) coupled with mushroom. i had to add sauce to withstand the last bites (still kinda full). tried other’s as well, pesto and mushroom. pesto had the most taste. while waiting for doggo to arrive, we bought gelato (S: 35k). apparently their special flavor was ricotta lmao. tried green tea (bitter, which i like) and peanut butter + caramel, which makes you feel thirsty. watched the doggos from the sidelines. after maghrib we went to 1/15. ordered ice mocha (50k). the chocolate taste stood out more. not gonna order again lol. the staff initially recommended pandan flavor. took grab to gbk station to go home.

9 - rsf. second audit day. i hate it here lmao. im not even paid for my time here. excused myself to eat. turns out mbak Ai bought hokben. i almost forgot thanking her since i felt hungry with a bit of headache. talked a bit with dr retha regarding changes of assistant (since internship is soon). went back and immediately laid down in bed. mom bought pizza so thats what i ate for dinner. fell asleep (i can feel it. my face will get consequences)

10 - cant bring myself to do anything. i reread painter of the night lmao. seungho is a prick. inhun is also a prick (a greedy one). ate arirang bone marrow. put the egg-seasoning mixture to the pan since im not confident enough to just pour boiling water into the bowl. felt surprisingly full. went to sbux. green tea latte as usual. but turns out tumblr 50% promo only applies to sbux member. so i had to pay 40k for my green tea latte. at least i got to feel good from outside vibes. did some follow up for INACO patients. 

11 - went to rm rsf. Took lots of photos of RM. I was given rujak by the rm staff lmaoo so cute. Didnt do any entry afterwards lmao i just laid down

12 - breakfast is paldo jjajangmen and egg. It tasted like soy. Its good but not in a micin way. Its quite fulfilling. Had some of the beef slices by putting it in a buttered pan (is it pan fried? Grilled? Idk). Had banana and brownies together (makes it rly good). Did a bit of clires work. I drank sbux's caramel macchiato but yall my stomach cant handle it lmao. It hurts so much that i even got a headache. So i just laid down in bed

13 - had arirang again loll. Inserted the egg to the pan still, but quicker this time. Its too salty today. Maybe its not enough water. I was eating it while googling how to remove excess sodium. Ate the rest of beef slices (shared with bros ofc) and mixed some with moms fried rice. Ate banana brownies again. Felt soooo full. Did some clires work accompanied by sbux matcha

14 - i felt like shit this morning. Watched leahs vid. Listened to her podcast while having bfast. I walked from moms car to bougenville while still feeling like shit. It slowly gets better afterwards, thankfully. Did some clires and follow up. Went to gandy steak in dr retha's car (which had anesthesiology textbook inside). Tried aus sirloin steak. The bread tasted ok. The garlic bread also ok. The mashed potato was so so (the one in depok was more creamy and smooth). The steak was good, especially the fat part, the sauce so so. Honestly that depok steak had more value for money compared to this, i think. Nebeng dr rara and husband to busway station. Arrived in ar and i immediately showered, such wow 👏👏

15 - today is no rsf day aka self made wfh day. Moms getting vaccinated today. I just lazed. And read kanej fics

16 - off to rsf. Took care of rm stuff. Tried social affair's croffle since i was so curious (60k [10k tip]). The nutella and cinnamon sugar one. Its crunchy and a bit crumbly inside, but not as fragile as croissant. Its quite fulfilling too. But its basically flour batter variations. (thats what mom would say). randomly chatted racheel and we ended up taking a walk and a bit of jog citra 6 (with my sneakon regular shoes). My left tendon was screaming lol. Picked up by juan who surprisingly effortlessly found the address at night.

17 - mbak aan chatted me today to go to rscm. Met prof murdani at pesc and he gave me ppt assigment for 13:30 THAT DAY. Finished it unsatisfyingly (i wish i couldve done more). Lunch was free bebek bkb yay thankyou Prof c: (he even asked what did i ate) took care of legalisir stuff. Went home by tj. Drank matcha w vsoy and i somehow was not sleepy after maghrib. I also changed my desj layout. Maybe it kinda works to separate my spaces

18 - arrived at rscm at 8-ish. sent updated thibbun nabawi ppt. literature search. and then somehow its 14:30. went to SCI w ara wani rasyid. tried bandeng nyonya, oyster, salmon, cumi lada garam (its crazy good among all the good tasting food wtff), shrimp and pocai telor (veggie stuff). dessert was thailand cassava. spent about 190k. went back by TJ. had wudu at pulomas and prayed ashar on the bus lol. i passed out after playing w my phone lmaoo  

19 - spent almost the whole day just sleeping and eating. finally showered in the afternoon. had matcha vsoy latte after maghrib and with enough day sleeping, i did presentation outline. at like 1/2 am i initially planned to sleep but my eyes still have plenty of watts. so i read hold me tight. slept at like 4/5 am

20 - woke up at 9. off to om dokter’s house to ask for healthy letter. we talked almost the entire time im there lol. before u know it mom and dad’s done talking with grandma. om dokter shared some of his experiences in the past. and he said something about making your choice and living with it, and it will all have a meaning even if you might initially agonize about it. girl i was holding back tears. here he was talking about choices, something i never rly talk about at my house. im getting teary just typing this. he talked about it in a way that sounds simple, even though i agonized abt internship choices and sometimes avoid thinking about it. it rly rly was a new experience. i dont rly talk about “choices” with my parents. so hearing how to go through options in life from a person i can relate to regarding this med stuff is. i feel like i would have loved it if i can hear his wisdom earlier. i dont talk with him much if my parents are around bcs they will just meddle and say stuff that wreck my peace. they dont rly know what im going through but can be very opinionated. this peaceful one on one talk rly made me feel relieved and reassured. and i was today years old when i found out he initially wanted to be a psychiatrist. he would have been a great psychiatrist. i feel like we have some understanding thats left unsaid. like he knows how my parents are like. he would probably understand why i dont talk with him much at AR. after what feels super quick, we went back to AR. registered for STR. searched some literature for the topics that Prof is the moderator of. powered by matcha energy

21 - rscm as usual. the Prof did not come. lunch was bread i brought from home. waited for mom to pick me up at kfc so i bought pukis kfc. its like properly made pukis and not the street seller made ones. the chocolate one was good since the toppings generous. felt a bit feverish? like my body felt warm. fell asleep and then suddenly its 6 am in the morning. 

22 - Prof still did not came. had amart’s ayam penyet jamur for lunch. turns out juan bought ayam geprek gendut for dinner. night time is diarrhea time lmaooooo. did not feel sleepy at AR but i skipped shower again lmao,,,,,,,, and then suddenly its morning again

23 - jajan from sisterfield today. tried their carrot cake and kopi susu gula aren. the carrot cake has that carrot texture. its different. the icing was fresh cream cheese that made the cake taste good. the coffee made my stomach ache a bit. it has that subtle chocolatey taste. fell asleep again. third time’s the charm (of 1x/day face wash). woke up at 3 am planning to sleep but i ended up washing my face. turns out atikah was still awake due to AZ fever.

24 - this is the bestest sleep i had in this week (?) had a dream about going to bandung and the car falling to water. forgot my headset today. can finally meet prof Mur. talked abt inaco stuff w agassi. reread komugi meruem lmaoo. felll asleep. somehow had the misfortune of hearing dad’s hurtful words to mom. i want to fall asleep again but its difficuly. i went through stages of pent up anger, some sort of selfishness (i will go out from jakarta for internship), amazement to mom, and... (continue 2moro)

25 - lunch was dori rice from kanprim thanks to rasyid’s jastip. watched bts’ butter norebang lolll :(((. arrived at AR the fastest ive been. mom came to me right before maghrib and  summed some stuff dad said yesterday. she handled it in a trivial way. like she was unaffected. and that somehow helped me too. stuck around in the dining room for a while after maghrib. talked about internship w mom. i left some chance for dad to yap yap abt whatever related to internship (thankfully songs were full volume through my wireless headset) while im inhaling through my matcha latte. i wont write what he said bcs its lowkey super embarrassing. thank the gods for wireless speakers. 

26 - did not do anything productive today. Had arirang salted egg for bfast (wont repurchase). Had the meat cubes i bought online and its rly good. Ran with racil at citra 6. The tendon in my left feet hurt lol. Gmeet with ara et al to discuss internship review

27 - lazed. Wanted to start my day early but couldnt bring myself to. Binge watched twoset videos. Did clires stuff. 1 more RM to wait from IRMIK. No gastro intern work this weekend aaaa im starting to panic.

28 - juan came along otw to rscm. Talked about iship otw. brought tons of stuff to eat, including matcha latte, but i was unable to finish it lol. Discussed research budgeting w Prof. Didnt do anything in home. Starting to panic with my ppt progress.

29 - discussed budgeting revision. Prof thought abt little details i didnt even consider. Didnt do anything while at ar anjengggg

30 - prof did not come to dept today. Listemed to agassi rambling abt intern stuff. Immediately opened my laptop in ar. Watched two set. Played marapets lmaooo i finally managed to gather 3 au for shop pricer. But still didnot wash my face 👁️👄🤦‍♀️ maybe bcs i hate doing what people tells me to do (re: shower due to covid scare). Had a nightmare abt being in a car ride alone w dad and it was rly rly awkward

[forgetmenots04]

Read it because im giving you genuine advice

I was married!!!! I was a wife!!! Im just making you take responsibility for your skeezy behavior I WAS MARRIED!!! I was a wife!!!!! I know what it means to be a devoted wife that takes care of her husband!!! Ive done it before!!! Im a grown ass woman!! I married a guy in the airforce a long time ago i know what it means to "think you've found your soul mate" but guess what??? Even if you find some meek subservient bitch willing to lay down and let you walk on her in silence you will still have problems!!! Life's tragedies just don't stop when you think you found the one Im making you own up to it like an adult!! I was married hayden!!!!

I was married for 5 -6 yrs!!!! I had known the guy since i was 16 i was a wife to somebody already . I know what it takes to be in a relationship long term! I know what it takes to be in a marriage and committed do you!?!?

I know what it means to truly love somebody and how much EFFORT it takes!!!! Its hard work! And you don't always get a return either !

And i dont think you have it in you yet to fully commit to someone

! I know all about the death and birth of love!!! I know what it means to struggle and to love hard

You GOT SO JEALOUS AND MAD when another guy was calling me pretty but im not suppose to be jealous that my boyfriend is flirting with other women telling them how hot they are and inviting them over to watch movies and presumbly cuddle and fuck like idk hicometome and sunkissed. How would THAT MAKE YOU FUCKING FEEL????? IF i was all over other men LIKING EVERY SINGLE POST and telling them how hot they are THAT WOULD INFURIATE YOU!!! YOU WOULD DUMP ME IF I DID that shit to you!!!!. And then he lies about it straight to my face! And you think i didn't know that i was being played and you have the audacity to sit here and lie straight to my face!! You are caught hayden!!! Red handed!!! All the women you thought i was too stupid to know about like "hicometome" and sunkissed and lavender dreams and french fashion bloggers based in Lyon and angel cruor. It hurts to see that you have a type "goth artsy girls with tattoos" i am so much more than some fuck boys type. And you are a fuck boy!!! You have the haircut and the beard like every other mediocre average white man. DO BETTER!!!! Don't treat the next girl like you did me!!!!' Be a better man!!!! Show more compassion and gentleness and honesty and sincerity if you want to get married you can't just give up when things get hard! And believe me you think im a lot?????? Wait until youre married and can't just ghost somebody whenever you fight. Somebody that loved me would have tried harder for me i was even considering just driving up there myself to see you??? I'd be putting no one at risk and would've been safe about it with goggles mask and gloves. But from the beginning you had different intentions than i did. Maybe just to fill the time or else you were lonely but you never intended on seeing me from the beginning what you did was wrong!! And when you're married you've GOT TO be able to give her a REAL apology NO FUCKING "im sorry IF it came off rude" SAY!!!!! "IM sorry FOR being rude and insensitive!! Give her a real goddamn apology. And while youre young learn how to make genuine heartfelt apologies practice it!!!!' Because the woman you marry deserves better than how you treated me Don't treat her like you treated me or else youll lose her too!

And yes baby i was so stupid i continued talking to you after you told me you were moving because you made me feel like you were serious about wifing me up!!! You told me you had serious intentions!! If i had known earlier that all of this meant nothing to you then i couldve saved myself from you. Im just left wondering why we didn't cut it off sooner.... Clearly you felt lonely and had WAY different intentions. I just wish you would have told me the cold hard ugly truth so that i couldve saved myself from you

I couldve saved myself from you!!!! We shouldve ended it sooner!!! You should have told me the truth!!!!! That this wasn't a serious thing and that you had other women you're talking to. You could have saved me from all of this pain!!! If you would've let me go earlier!!! That's all i regret....is not being told the truth and not protecting my heart from the WOLF that YOU are!!! .

You shouldve told me the truth we shouldve cut it off as soon as you got the job!!!! That was a mistake!!! And you claim you don't stay friends with your ex's and i know that's a lie from all of your likes and comments. So it has to be something with me that you don't ever want to see again .i called you out!! By name!! And you hate that...i tried my best hayden you had a girl that loved you Even while she knew you were out saying similar things to women all over the internet.

DO BETTER IF U WANT MARRIAGE AND KIDS!!! YOU HAVE TO DO BETTER FOR THE NEXT GIRL!!!! Actually try!! And don't lie to her like you did me! That's all i have to say

You are not an empath!!!! You are not an empathetic person. An empathetic person wouldn't lie over and over again and cheat an empathetic person would've told me the truth that this wasn't serious and you were talking to other women. You are not empathetic!!! You are a WOLF!! You lie and cheat!!! An empath wouldn't discard me like i meant nothing to them an empath DOESNT THROW PEOPLE AWAY!' You are not a fucking empath!! This couldve been fixed!!!

This couldve been fixed!!!! I couldve gotten my room mate to drive me up to new york!!! We could have fixed all of this if you just would've TRIED!!!! All it took was EFFORT!!! I could have gotten my roommate to drive me up there we could have fixed this!! But you hate me now for MAKING YOU TAKE RESPONSIBILITY. And CONFRONTING. You on your cheating . I bet that's why you can't have me in your life because i CONFRONT you! You dont like being confronted!! That's why you HATE me and can't have me in your life at all. You never planned on seeing me!! You never wanted to see me you were never serious!!! You cheated on me and lied to me and made me feel like i mattered that you were SERIOUS!

[bigbrothernetflix-st]

EPISODE SEVEN

“I AM THRIVING. ABSOLUTELY THRIVING.” - joey

HOH: Nathan UPSIDE DOWN: Emma NOMINEES: Jev & Kiki POV: Joshua FINAL NOMINEES: Josh C & Kiki EVICTED: Josh C (6-0)

ARIA

So,,,i highkey fucked up but all good things come to an end, I couldn't play the middle forever but the way it ended was just a little earlier than i expected. Also i handled the backlash of the dpov HORRIBLY! I did so many things wrong this week its insane even though i was on all day calling people i still fucked up,,,but its fine nothing i can really do to change that. But from here i want to fix things and do better, which does start with addressing where I fucked up so lets start with that woot woot (also holy shit that double was so draining this is the first time ive felt legitimately tired in a while and its only 1 am) 

1. COMP FLOPS

-literally all my allies flopped on the comps when we REALLY needed to win and its even worse combined with the information I was told where people told me they were throwing just to do well instead- its clear they weren't being honest with me and I settled into their lies without an ounce of hesitation 

2. LACK OF KNOWLEDGE

I just really settled certain things poorly leading up to this night, i think somewhere i majorly fucked up is with emma, if i was able to get her to vote out nick or get jacob to dpov someone she would vote out i would be in a much better position atm but i didn't and therefore ive exposed myself. And if i was able to receive knowledge of her rose gold dpov before hand i couldve worked out a new plan that way

3. DAMAGE CONTROL

This is where i **truly** fucked up and its gonna show in my jury management too, like theres NO way i could ever get nicks vote at this point in time. Also my gut instinct after the vote was to lie about the way i voted to kiki/joshua/nick/jev when i shouldve came clean and used a bullshit excuse about how i heard nick was after me or something. It's gonna damage my relationships with all of them

SO wabam here i am slightly fucked due to me being a mess but its okay!! I'm still in the game and while im not in as good as a position as I was last time im still certain i can get back into everyones good graces!! And i mean this vote did reveal that a lot of people consider me to be in a duo with them??? which um is kinda weird HBFSHDF Like joey and emma were both calling us duo of the season and i was like....k cute cool totally called that and knew we were a duo yup yup- FBHJDSBF LMAO but i mean in terms of my own position you have the two trios (jacob/bri/nathan and jev/kiki/joshua) who are going to go after each other with Josh C and Emma leaning toward jev/kiki/joshua while me and joey lean towards jacob/bri/nathan. Its crazy that its literally f10 and its five versus five with hardly any true middle player (for now wink wonk) 

But now that nick is out I need to think about whats next and whats my next big move. I think rn im involved with a lot of moves but im not the face of them (bri using pov on nathan, jacob dpoving bri) and such but if i want to win I have to make a move of my own and DEF need to work on jury management bc again nick is gonna hate my guts after reading my gbm,,,as yousef would say "oopsie whoopsie" so I think from here I need to get back in jev/kiki/joshua's good graces SOME how and im really tempted to come clean about my vote bc i think thats going to hurt me in the long run and theres literally already an alliance of all five of that side so like....whats the point of sewing mistrust but also, i do kinda want to try just being a dirty crime snake this game and seeing how much control I truly have on this game. Literally EVERYONE except those three knows my true vote and i've told them all to keep it to themselves so we'll see what happens,,,, im kinda tempted to pin the vote on emma just for funsies and tell them that "jacob told me hes close to emma" or some bs like that but also,,,thats kinda mean yknow? Its also a testament to test how much that trio trusts me which im GUESSING is less than emma but who knows maybe ill get lucky :DD 

Anyways in terms of moving on I really need someone who actually likes me to join jury so its not completely set against me the whole time but also im not sure how thats gonna go down ugh. I mean in terms of end game my options are starting to become limited because nathan/bri/jacob would all BODY me at the end bc at this point they've been the face of big moves and I hope my big move can be turning on one of them and getting them out at some point so when i really start to look at a realistic f2 I can win,,, im kinda leaning toward my new duos of emma or joey which is kinda a shocker to me too lemme tell u HFBSDF but joey's perception of the game seems,,,,messy and I think i can beat him while emma is def doing better but she hasnt snapped yet so i think i can maybe beat her. And then jev/joshua/kiki depends im not sure yet but the thing with them is none of them are gonna want to bring me to the end which is super frustrating (i mean i did just snake em so,,,maybe its deserved) 

The thing is that I like being honest about my vote so trying to have an honest game convo with any of those three is gonna be really hard,,,,esp considering they were all my targets for live night but here we are :') And i really dont know what to do at this point which is really annoyinggg (annoying @ myself theyre all lovely) I think im gonna have to wait a bit before i can try getting them all to fully trust me rn i dont know this has been such a mess but im doing my best!! Before i end this probably poorly aging paragraph its trust ranking time

1.myself (FUCK, and i cant stress this enough, EVERYONE)

HUGE GAP

2.Brianna (shes slowly becoming more stuck in jacob's trap but i do still think shes loyal to me, god IS a woman!!!)

3.Jacob (hate having this man so high bc hes bodying this game but he tells me a lot ig :/ )

ANOTHER GAP

4. Nathan (we need to call and discuss live night but he isnt going to like nominate me or anything)

5.Joey (apparently we're a f2?? not sure where that happened but also hes cagey idk)

-smol gap-

6.Josh C (told me his alliance!! shame he doesnt know im gonna rat him out to my side teehee)

7.Emma (we're also a duo?? almost forgot about that but i fucked her over here a bit but i can build the trust back up i THINK)

anothe gap

8.Jev (he talked to me after live night and didnt ask about my vote so thats cute....not sure where we stand...help)

9.Kiki (we talked briefly after the vote but idk if they realized im a snake yet)

10.Joshua (the silence is deafening) 

Not happy w/ my position yet and im likely to just come clean to joshua in a call tmrow because hes honestly really sweet and his friendship means a lot to me but i need to figure out how I leave me connection with jacob/bri out of it.. ill think of something

praying im not the most hated here but if i am it wouldnt be the first time ig, and thats on pewiod <3

JOEY

LET’S FUCKING GOOOOOOOOOOOOO. I AM THRIVING. ABSOLUTELY THRIVING. Not a damn soul is coming after me, and more importantly, I have numbers on my side, and no one’s gonna be pissed off at me on BOTH sides of the house. People say Josh C is playing both sides? Nah, it’s me. I need him out because I’m trying to ride that middle man status. My ideal plan is to see Emma go home next week, so that way I ain’t responsible. I want to get rid of Jacob at Final 7, and I will damn sure make that happen. Aria and I have a Final 2 that I plan on sticking to. Seeing Nick go was sad, but good lord it was I-C-O-N-I-C.

EMMA

Everything in this game lately has honestly pissed me off first it was me getting blindsided during live night even though i didnt really want to vote nathan if i was being honest i wanted brianna out over nathan because i thought nathan would be more easier to work with them boom Dpov and boom nick going i am like a little unsure if i regret using the dpov or not i do regret it well because nathan won hoh and sent me to the upside down and nick probably wouldnt try super hard for hoh but then again it seemed my so called allies were probably more closer to nick but i am not even sure my so called low confidence is my weakness in my games but i dont know how to be more confident pretty sure everyone beats me in the end at this point unless if i win an hoh if i do at this point Jacob/Brianna/even nathan getting nominated i didnt want nathan out before like if i won hoh i would of put him to the upside straight up nominate brianna and jacob if one of them goes off the block joey gets put up as a pawn after the upside down week im gonna do whatever to make it to the end idc if i go to the end with somebody i cant beat i just want to make this game enjoyable for me as i can i dont want to float for awhile then bring a goat to the end NNN 

EMMA

my shit list  in order to who i target to who isnt on my rader

Jacob > Nathan > Brianna > Joshua = Aria > Jev > Kiki/Josh C > Joey

who i like most to who is most annoying to play on a game level (i dont really hate or dislike anyone on a personal level)

Aria > Jev > Joshua *tiny gap*  Nathan > Kiki/Josh C >>>>>>>>>>> Jacob > >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> Joey = brianna also joey would be higher but he lied to me for no reason even tho i didnt mind putting alot of trust in me and i love brianna on a personal level but girl i am not good socially with her which is my fault and her fault also jacob kinda assumed stuff about me like not big stuff like meta  but he still told other people except me (people who are out who i love)  Gina/Jakey > Saira=Nick=Monty=Mo *small gap* Nash >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> dog shit > Taylers dinner (dylan and the og homies know it) >>>>>>>>>>>> DEM

but yeah this game has made me happy because everyone is nice except dem but its been hard to play it because if i felt better i think i would of been playing a 100x times better game

JEV

So I'm safe but it comes at the cost of one of my two favourite people in this game. I've arguably grown closest to Josh C throughout this game, but I promised Joshua that if he saved me with veto I'd vote however he wanted and he wants Josh C to leave over Kiki. This week is me and Nash as final noms levels of ugly.

HOST WEEKLY CAST ASSESSMENT

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=szNaW65lCJ0&list=PLFEwPPy8j010XXwntq80VSU0qLNTNpSIN&index=8&t=0s

[beebosbitchh]

1-65 ;)

holy heck ! thank you sophiw i lov u 🍒

1. Do you ever doubt the existence of others than you?

i dont understand this question?? like sometimes i doubt my own existence and other times i doubt that i exist to certain ppl? ya?

2. On a scale of 1-5, how afraid of the dark are you?

2,, normal amount? like good for sleep but pitch black is scaryy but not to the point i need the escape ?? if that makes sense??

3. The person you would never want to meet?

guy fieri, i dont think i need to know if hes actually real ? like is he real and from this dimension or from flavortown (which he has a very scarily detailed description of)?? thats not something i need to know

4. What is your favorite word?

hmm, probably ‘fam’ obviously

5. If you were a type of tree, what would you be?

a willow tree !!!!!!!!!! i just talked to my mom about this :-0

6. When you looked in the mirror this morning what was the first thing you thought?

ngl but i dont look in the mirror anymore unless its lip syncing along to a song sung by a guy/someone w a deeper voice bc i feel like it suits me better! gotta love coping w dysphoria!

7. What shirt are you wearing?

baseball tee, gay

8. What do you label yourself as?

nb, lesbian, fool

9. Bright room or dark room?

dark room

10. What were you doing at midnight last night?

slepe

11. Favorite age you’ve been so far?

10-11 when i was in 5th grade. i still only had two friends but i was way more extroverted and everything was so carefree and i was very invested in adventure time and art. i think that was the most of a childhood i got? i honestly did not do much as a kid and i wish i had..

12. Who told you they loved you last?

sophiw ! tumblr user almightyportraits ! the loml !

13. Your worst enemy?

x

14. What is your current desktop picture?

one from apple called ‘abstract shapes’ its very orange but also blue which is my fave color pairing atm so its perfect

15. Do you like someone?

tumblr user vahilla

16. The last song you listened to?

megan played ‘marceline’ by willow in her car ! a song i suggested to her a few months ago and it makes me very happy that she likes it especially bc we bonded over adventure time in 6th grade :-)

17. You can press a button that will make any one person explode. Who would you blow up?

mmyy seelfff ??

18. Who would you really like to just punch in the face?

mmmyseyyffelllff ??

19. If anyone could be your slave for a day, who would it be and what would they have to do? 

eh whats the point

20. What is your best physical attribute? (showing said attribute is optional)

n o ne ? 

21. If you were the opposite sex for one day, what would you look like and what would you do?

what is the opposite of nb,, i feel like if i was opposite of how i present id be a girl, which is a verryyy weird thought for me, pass

22. Do you have a secret talent? If yes, what is it?

no :-/

23. What is one unique thing you’re afraid of?

uh first of all blood, like, ill pass out,, second of all,, literally everything worries me

24. You can only have one kind of sandwich. Every sandwich ingredient known to humankind is at your disposal.

jimmy johns #16, turkey, bacon, lettuce, tomato, NO MAYO

25. You just found $100! How are you going to spend it?

im a very practical person so the least boring answer i can come up w is more art supplies

26. You just got a free plane ticket to anywhere in the world, but you have to leave immediately. Where are you going to go?

denmark

27. An angel appears out of Heaven and offers you a lifetime supply of the alcoholic beverage of your choice. “Be brand-specific” it says. Man! What are you gonna say about that? Even if you don’t drink booze there’s something you can figure out… so what’s it gonna be?

fukcing , acetoNe

28. You discover a beautiful island upon which you may build your own society. You make the rules. What is the first rule you put into place?

i think a FIRST rule would have to be pretty IMPORTANT so probably smt like how ~WE THE PEOPLE~ are all EQUAL would be a pretty good start and pretty UNDENIABLE and STRAIGHT FORWARD especially if it was the FIRST thing in this,, hmm lets call it the CONSTITUTION, in the completely hypothetical society

29. What is your favorite expletive?

fuck fuck fuck fuck fuk cufck ufc kfuck 

30. Your house is on fire, holy shit! You have just enough time to run in there and grab ONE inanimate object. Don’t worry, your loved ones and pets have already made it out safely. So what’s the one thing you’re going to save from that blazing inferno?

sunglasses??!!! that shit gotta be bright huh>?? gotta protect my retinas 

31. You can erase any horrible experience from your past. What will it be?

i wanna say my first relationship made me a better person but that shit was rreeeaaallyyyy fucking awful and 4 months (+recovery months) that i will never get back and i think ? maybe ?? i wouldve been ok without it ? idk just a thought

32. You got kicked out of the country for being a time-traveling heathen who sleeps with celebrities and has super-powers. But check out this cool shit… you can move to anywhere else in the world! 

spain ?!?!? why not + i sorta know the language? thatd b cool

33. The Celestial Gates Of Beyond have opened, much to your surprise because you didn’t think such a thing existed. Death appears. As it turns out, Death is actually a pretty cool entity, and happens to be in a fantastic mood. Death offers to return the friend/family-member/person/etc. of your choice to the living world. Who will you bring back?

zoey my dog :-( i miss her a lot, this month it will have been two years oh my god i miss her so much

34. What was your last dream about?

the last one i remember was a nightmare about someone tryna murder me i was very scared

36. Have you ever been admitted to the hospital?

i think so , when i was two i got really really sick and couldve died ?

37. Have you ever built a snowman?

ahh yes ! we gave hhimm,, fruit snack nipples, please forgive me fathr

38. What is the color of your socks? 

grey w blue n orange stripes ( again i lov blue n orange together, my shirt is teal and i have an orange hat on wow)

39. What type of music do you like?

all! i had to train this new guy at work and im sooo awkward but once why started talking about music it was easy for me to talk bc it was smt we both really like !!! i felt like i could actually communicate w feeling a disconnect it was nice ! we talked mostly about rap which was cool and unexpected but i could do it ? i really love music and i love being able to know enough to talk about it ,, isk 

40. Do you prefer sunrises or sunsets?

sunrises, ive been pushing myself to wake up unreasonably early to have more time to myself and i get to watch the sunrise most days which is nice

41. What is your favorite milkshake flavor?

chocolate 

42. What football team do you support? (I will answer in terms of American football as well as soccer)

whom?

44. What do you want to be when you graduate?

college? god i dont even know… smt w art.. by an illustrator or art teacher or freelance artist or graphic designer ,, i really dont know

45. If you could change one thing about yourself, what would it be?

one thing ?!!?!? i wish i was neurotypical

46. Are you reliable?

yes? i try hard to be? i hope so ?

47. If you could ask your future self one question, what would it be?

u still a lil bitch ?

48. Do you hold grudges? 

nope i try not to, ive had too many toxic petty people in my life that i dont need to be one myself.. now this is grudges w/o reason, but if ive given people several ‘second chances’ and theyre still (thumbs down) then ill avoid them but w/i reason?

49. If you could breed two animals together to defy the laws of nature, what new animal would you create?

DOG HORSES BIG DOGs

50. What is the most unusual conversation you’ve ever had?

mm probably smt w my lab partner from last year. she always sends me weird quotes from a fanfiction shes reading and its weird but i really appreciate that she still talks to me or talks to me at all tbh

51. Are you a good liar?

nooo ?? i try not to lie? mb not tell the full truth but idk , i feel like id feel too guilty

52. How long could you go without talking?

uhh literally days like i already fucking do.. i m taking this as verbally but i dont get texts so like, it would not be hard

53. What has been you worst haircut/style?

before i went to short hair i used to alllwaayyys wear a tight ponytail every single day bc i wasnt girly enough to do anything w it and it was really really gross like thank god i cut it all off

54. Have you ever baked your own cake?

heck yeah

55. Can you do any accents other than your own?

*clears throat*

h-

hewwo?

56. What do you like on your toast?

butter and jam

57. What is the last thing you drew a picture of?

x

58. What would be you dream car?

razor scooter

59. Do you sing in the shower? Or do anything unusual in the shower? Explain.

sometimes im just too physically or emotionally exhausted to stand so ill just,, lay down? ive fallen asleep in the shower before ha

60. Do you believe in aliens?

yup

61. Do you often read your horoscope?

whenever it comes up but i dont ,, seek it out

62. What is your favorite letter of the alphabet?

Q

63. Which is cooler: dinosaurs or dragons?

dragons tf

64. What do you think about babies?

evil, ugly, dont see the appeal. open ur eyes ppl !!!! bbs are n Ot cute !!

65. Freebie! Ask anything interesting you can think of.

x

[stephenpe]

Oh wow i shocked! You know what- i see it now, its so clear how did i not see this before. Yeah I get it now. This is actually just getting sad now, can't. I'm going to keep this short.

1. Ok?

2. Maybe it's just in my naive brain one day when talking about disliking a character people don't just assume it's because of their race. Absolutely dumb on my part pf course. I mean you just have to hate the character because of their race and not possibly anything else, right?

3. Mhm, disagrees my problem of course. Never one of the writers.

4. The reason I'm getting 'push back' is because apparently you can't read? You came here and started saying "wow you still think Sam is a Nazi" ignoring where i literally said "not saying Sam is hydra" it was literally right there in front of your face. Read it again if you must.

5. We can kinda agree on this one. Neither teams made the best decisions. It's not the best situation, but despite that i would still be team iron man because of how things were handled on their part.

6. I find it really funny how you say he sits on his money. He donates to charity, is working on clean energy. He gives it away as much as he can. What do you expect him to do, give away everything he has? Destroy the good route stark industries is going down and make 100 thousands of people without a job? He's a philanthropist, he doesn't just sit on his money.

7. Dont get me wrong, millionaires shouldn't exist, but they do sadly, but if everyone of them have their money like Tony does the world would be a little bit of a better place.

8. Did you watch first avenger? He tried to fight in the war, but he was way to sick and probably would've been a burden to the other soldiers, so he lied to get in. After that they gave him the serum. Want to believe it or not he did raise money for war. No matter his 'intentions' or 'patrioticness' he still raised money for war.

9. Tony sold weapons to the US. Which is still bad, but happens. Ever since then he has been doing better. You have impossible expectations. What do you expect him to do? Rise from the dead and use the time machine to undo the years he was building weapons? He saved the world, the world again, then saved the universe. If you can't let go selling weapons then that's on you, not the characters.

10. You might say you aren't a fan of Wanda, but you think a lot like her. You really think they needed the stark weapon to kill wandas parents? They couldve used any other bomb. That's not Tony's fault. Its the people who fired the weapon in the first places fault.He was raised to do this with no one telling him it was wrong. Brainwashed if you will.

11. Idk about vulture, but Beck is insane. The fact that you would defend beck killing hundreds of innocent people because he was fired s horrifying really.

12. Once again, most of them are not even Tony's mistakes. Some had nothing to do with him.

13. Wow putting words in my mouth and you're a troll! I'm amazed 😂

14. I'm amazed and shocked by the audacity, shocked i tell you shocked! You think im racist, that's funny. Really funny. Here's a slow clap for you 👏🏾 literally im saying 'dont bring race into this' because despite what you say, not everytime there happens to be a person of color involved it has to do with race. Are you going to tell me I'm being racist against Steve or Wanda next because I dislike them? Again, don't like sam, has absolutely nothing to do with race. 'So what if he's white' wth did I say that. Never so don't even try it. Of course Tony is going to have privileges, your lovely Steve has a bunch of privileges. Never said that they don't.

Love the saying 'have a nice day' as passive aggressive. Funny really. Of course I'm going to respond. You're talking to me are you not? Hy are you responding?

Real quick question.... Okay, maybe not so quick. Anyone who has any idea, feel free to answer.

Why does team cap pick allies that they barely know??? Like let's start with Sam,

He's a decently okay guy. I think he should really get a mind of his own and stop following Steve around like a lost puppy, but other than that, meh. He was first introduced in Captain America Winter Soldier. Sam and Steve met each other while on a run and had funny interactions. I can imagine them becoming friends from this, but not superheroing buddies. Because the next thing you know Nick Fury tells Steve to trust no body and Steve took that as don't trust Natasha at first even though you've known her for a while, but trust this guy you conveniently met at the park so close to the Hydra take over. Not saying Sam is Hydra, but you have to admit, it's convenient. He took Sam along with him, trusted him with important information even though they met not even a week ago. Sam could've easily been a secret Hydra agent sent to watch Captain America, but apparently Steve didn't think so.

Now Wanda...

I don't have much to say about her cause it's self explanatory. Enemy one day to ally and fully trusted teammate the next?

She was their enemy the first time they met her and then suddenly she says Tony is evil and Steve just listens to her? A woman who they barely knew for a day and for half of said day spent fighting against them?? Not only did Steve listen to her, he actively ATTACKED his own teammates with her. Like SHE JUST TRIED TO KILL YOU, ALL OF YOU.

I really want to bash Clint rn, but he's not relevant to the point 😔

Finally, poor boy Scott. I dont think he's bad, really! Just naive.

I wouldn't say he was an enemy, but the first time he was introduced he was trying to break into the compound. I don't know what happened between Ant man and Civil War, but apparently even after he fought Sam and went into a very secure facility, stole something that probably belonged to Tony. He was welcomed onto Team Cap? Like "I know this guy stole from our home that probably has very dangerous and expensive items, but he can be trusted!"

Yeah I guess you can say Team Iron Man didn't know T'challa, but the difference with T'challa is that he's a literal king. He isn't some nobody that tried to attack and or steal from them when they first met him. In fact he could be said to be an ally because he is an ally regarding the accords.

Peter is also different from Team Caps allyingship of strangers/enemies. Peter has been in the 'public eye' as his alter ego Spiderman. It's canon that Tony read up on him and did a lot of research before he brought him in(Which cant be said for team cap). Tony knew that he didn't kill and mostly just caught the bad people. Which is what he wanted. It also helps that Peter didn't try to murder or steal from the Avengers!