#Maybe I should try to fix my sleep schedule
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It’s Pride Month =}
#bonus#pride#pride month#lgbtq#it’s pride month#you know what that means#Can you tell I like orange#And also I’m still bingeing the vampire diaries late into the night despite the fact I have to get up early tomorrow to draw the dragon#Before I go to work#Night me regrets nothing#Morning me will regret everything#Enjoy my sleep deprived doodles#Any hoo#Yay the dragons are gay#Man I’m just rambling at this point#Maybe I should try to fix my sleep schedule#….#ha yeah right
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im going to throw up over how much i have to study
#i have to review 4 years of all 4 science. and the test is in 3 days. someone said they passed with only stock knowledge but i cant do that#and i dont remember anything at all for chemistry and that part is 30% of the exam#i havent even started on reviewing this whole year of math which maybe i should prioritize because i have to memorize annuity formulas#i wont even study for the mock exams but omg theres so much to study#ive been trying to fix my sleep schedule because my body has been failing me and its probably because i might be anemic too#but i dont think i can afford to sleep early this week#my limbs are so weak and my head feels weird but i have so much to study im going to skfhkjlsdfkjsd#okay thats all im logging out again goodbye
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#Seven's Public Diary#vent#vent post#cw vent#cw vent post#can i go more than a fucking week without having my cptsd triggered again? pLEASE???#me and my haywire nervous system can't ever catch a fucking break i swear to god#at least i managed to get the Matt fic posted before that happened and ruined my night#literally three minutes after i hit post. something has to happen IRL and ruin my slight good mood. sigh. anyways#my chest still feels tight but my focus is coming back i think. lets hope the rest of the night is uneventful#anyways. uh. positives. got the Matt fic posted on here And Ao3! yay. after working on it the last two evenings it's officially done#i know i put way too much effort into my fics especially ones that will get very little readership but eh i can't help it#time spent doing something you enjoy is never time wasted or however the saying goes#uh oh. the stress injury in my neck is starting to feel tight again. that's probably not a great sign#i should try to relax. been sitting at my desk too much recently and my back's mad abt it too#i would unwind with some Genshin exploration grinding or smthn but that's just more desk sitting time#so hm. animal crossing in bed it is then#watch me say that then spend the next 3 hours on tumblr#i cant help it i want to update my pinned posts and fill my queue up some more#and i have some drafts to work on... still need to finish that Sun & Moon appearance guide for ES#maybe i'll pull an all-nighter. i need to fix my sleep schedule again. like badly. but then i risk a migraine. aaggghhhhhh#anyways this has been Venting and Bad Decision Making 101 thabks for coming to my TED talk#oh hey look at that i got a like on the Matt fic. mood slightly improved. thank u whoever u r <3
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I have this deeply unfortunate condition where I cannot absorb verbal information without doodling, but also I have the drawing skills of young child and the permanently shaky hands of a wizened crone SO the results are. Unfortunate.
I am definitely making a great impression on my classmates and future colleagues by scrawling stick-figure patho characters next to them while they’re trying to listen to orientation lectures 👍🏻
anyway this (+ illegible handwriting) is why I can never lend people my notes. termitarywallart.jpg
#my art inspires questions in the mind of the spectator. such as ‘ok then…?’ and ‘yeah but like. why’#do not kill the part of you that is cringe. kill the part of you that cringes :)#on another note#i won’t say it again: bloodstains should be considered business casual. maybe business formal#i need to fix my sleep schedule and generally get my shit together#it’s going great#anyway your honor those are my emotional support scrimblo bimblos. my comfort scrunklies. my favorite special little guys#pathologic#pathologic 2#мор. утопия#silly pathologic doodles#fully forgot what the executor mask looks like. also fully forgot what birds look like#katerina saburova#clara saburova#rat prophet#the 2nd one is me every time they try to take my blood#i have shitty veins#rats: they’re just like us!
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do i wanna be u or do i wanna see u
#dang this is the first time in a while that ive been up past 10pm#im kinda sleepy but i really dont wanna sleep . i realised that i like staying up a little too much even tho i get really tired at school#like i literally fixed my sleep schedule but im actively trying to fuck it up again . me thinks ..... that i need a lobotomy#or maybe i should just be put down. thats better#WHO FINALLY GOES FROM SLEEPING 3HRS TO 12+ HRS .... AT HUMANS HRS TOO . BUT PREFERS 3HRS???#apparently im that ediot#also im obsessed w this band again#been difficult since i cut off that friend but i will be okay its been 7 months w no contact w him . hershey is strong tbh
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so I've been listening to 'Too Sweet' by Hozier for aprox. 10h now and the lines 'It can't be said I'm an early bird / It's ten o'clock before I say a word / My coffee black and my bed at three' could describe my day, gave me a good chuckle lol
#maybe I should 'fix' my sleep schedule but lets be honest#I've been trying to do that since I was 12 and neither medications or sleep aids or melatonin were able to fix it#might wanna face the music and just try to work with my night owl rhythm#and 10 isn't that late right? not that I'll be able to fix it anyway#shut up lena
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fuck it
okay uhh
i guess i’ll do one of these?
100 notes: i’ll write more poems and finish my wip paintings
250 notes: i’ll try to fix my sleep schedule
500 notes: i’ll clean my shithole of a room
750 notes: i’ll tell my parents about how detrimental to my mental health they are and seek therapy and a diagnosis
1,000 notes: i’ll come out to my parents
good luck bitches
EDIT: since this is close to getting to 1k notes, i’m going to add a couple more goals :3 i’ll be updating soon on actually doing some of these that i’ve already hit
2,000 notes: i’ll try to actually start hydrating (impossible)
2,500 notes: i’ll pick up guitar again
3,000 notes: i’ll post some of my old works on here
4,000 notes: i’ll try to get prints of my artwork and sell them (get my work published!!)
5,000 notes: i’m going to actually make a plan on how to not buckle under the weight of my own expectations
7,500 notes: i’ll try to stop starving myself
10,000 notes (final boss): i’ll try to get gender-affirming care and maybe cut my hair short (this one probably isn’t going to happen)
edit: oh my god you people terrify me what
okay umm this post has actually genuinely helped with my mental health so uhh
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Did...did they really not show the Kaeya vs Alhaitham bit I was anticipating, or can I just not find it-
#☆ ┆ ( .ooc. );#//I'll try and the whole thing omw to work bc I got called in early#//Unfortunate bc I just woke up 10mins ago njdkfbgf#//And I passed tf out so i didn't see the program live (was at 445am my time)#//Been doing that a lot lately; maybe I should actually fix my sleep schedule dbjgfbgk#//But yeah; I'll be sorely disappointed if didn't show kdjgf#//Did see a clip from a cool animation with Bei; tho; looks neat!
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like,,, should i just cry on the bathroom floor all night?
#i mean it seems like a damn good plan to me#but i just fixed my sleep schedule#and i know that will make me even more sad when the time comes and i have Ruined It so#maybe i am just fucked idk#i’m just fucking sad and tired you know#this shit is so hard and i am trying so fucking hard#but it seems like i am just doing Dumb Shit or something. like i made the wrong choice#some time ago and now i am just. playing the broken version of the main quest because i was too stubborn to restart while it was still easy#now i’m playing a new game no one has a rulebook for#and it’s broken#and the batteries in my controller are dying#and everyone is telling me i need to do it faster. i’m literally doing it just do it faster#but i dont think im doing it#it doesn’t feel like i’m doing it#and i don’t know how i’d even go about going faster#anyways. i should stop now.#i have to stop rambling on my fucking work accounts#people cannot handle me unfiltered it seems#too much complaining
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#its 6am and im awake!! (not good)#ive kind of shifted my sleep schedule to be the worst it could possibly be#yesterday i slept from 8-9am and then 11am-5pm#and thats kind of where it's settled. whoch is not good#my roommate who is a sleep scientist says thats going to kill me and i believe that because i already feel like im dying#its just so nice to be awake for sunrise tho! and i couldnt wake up this early so my only option is to stay awake to see it#i think ive seen the sunrise more in the past two weeks than ever before in my life#on a note that feels related but probably isnt- im moving in may. in two months#'but austyn i remember you moved this time last year' youre right! im bad at staying in one place!!#im moving back in with my parents because this city is expensive and i need a year to figure my life out#i didnt think i was going to make it to 18 and thats now fucking up my life#how is it fucking up my life? because i made no plans for anything past high school and instead have just been bouncing from thing to thing#trying to make a life when i thought i would be dead. so i moved and moved and moved again and now i have no money no prospects#no drive no plan no ideas no future etc#so thats all catching up to me and im gonna take a year to save up and get on my feet and reconnect with my psychiatrist and restart therapy#my psychiatrist is gonna be mad that i just went a year with no meds but its fine. just remembered i should try to set up an appointment now#okay gonna set up an appointment at 8 when they open. shes a very in demand psychiatrist. and idk if i can go back to her after a year#theyre very nice there so im sure theyll help me figure it out. so im gonna get my mental health bsck on track#eventually fix my sleep schedule maybe. idk its just a year to figure everything out but its difficult to move again#i hate moving. ive said it once ill say it again. moving kills a part of your soul. especially moving back in with your parents#just gonna be venting about this for awhile actually#maybe ill go for a walk at like 7am cuz the weather has been so nice lately i love it#ive been walking part of the way home from work because its so nice#i truly just dont want to sleep. i want to do things but i dont have the energy to do them. yknow. this sucks#anyway. gonna tey to get my life together but so far im doing pretty bad
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slept a total of 45 minutes tonight. hooray!
#just when I was fully asleep the damn jonas brothers song in my sleeping playlist (that I haven't used in AGES) got too loud#and it woke me up.#I got so pissed I just went to make a snack and played animal crossing the rest of the night#I should probably try to sleep now but going to bed at 7 am it's so fucking humiliating#that I'm considering just not sleeping at all#maybe that will help me fix my schedule a little#god. I just want my offer. it's all I can think about. then I'll be able to sleep properly#rambles*
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i really should be studying and focusing on school more tbh
#my grades are Horrendous this year#i dont want to have to retake this year im gonna lose all my friends#imagine. imagine that. id rather die#sigh. i really should try getting. a study routine going#and pay more attention to class#and. do my assignments...#idk. focusing has been really hard lately#sometimes i feel like everything is too damn distracting and i cant put my mind to literally anything#sighs. my monthly tests are next week toooo aaughhhh#WOW i am a complete mess actually ok. hold on. whats the first step to fixing this up#probably turn in all the assignments im missing#and maybe not go out this weekend#yeah. yeah ok i can do this no problemo. WILL fuck my sleep schedule up a little bit though#<- went to sleep at 3am yesterday probably doing it again today but this time for a noble cause#after this i promy ill go sleep at 10:30pm
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dumb dumb
Pairing: Bucky x Dumbass!Reader
Warnings: none! lots of fluff ahead!!!
Summary: Everyone can see the huge crush Bucky has on you...everyone except you of course.
Word Count: 3.7k and counting because I truly am incapable of being brief
A/N: This is for week one’s writer activity for @the-slumberparty the I Spy Challenge! I included all three of the items they shouldn’t be too hard to spot! I hope you enjoy it! Unbetaed, forgive me! Feedback is always appreciated :)
Update 2/17: You guys asked and now there's a Part 2
Typically it was Team Cap that were the first people awake in the Avengers Compound. Steve, Sam and Bucky were still on a soldier's schedule, usually getting up at 5 to work out before getting breakfast.
So it was a bit of a surprise when they entered the kitchen to see the coffee was already brewed and you were helping yourself to a bowl of cornflakes. You were a Stark Industries biochemical engineer and judging from your lopsided ponytail and your rumpled clothes, you had ended up sleeping in the lab. Again. Steve checked his watch, it was barely past 6.
“Good morning! Another late night?” Steve asked.
“Morning Cap! Yeah, the thing about stomach acid is it's so fascinating I lost track of my time while studying it.” You cover your mouth to hide a yawn.
“I think maybe only you think that.” Sam said, making you giggle a bit. Bucky entered the kitchen slightly later than the other two. His hair was damp and he had a towel wrapped around his neck, freshly showered. Steve definitely noticed that Bucky had started to insist on showering before breakfast right after the first time they discovered Y/N in the kitchen.
“Good morning Bucky!” You greeted, internally cringing at how loud you were. He was taken aback each time he saw her in the morning. The usually coordinated assassin bumped into the side of the breakfast bar with his hip and winced.
“Morning.” he mumbled and gave a little wave before immediately heading to get some coffee, walking off the bump. Sam and Steve both glanced at each other.
“You should kick Bucky’s ass, it’s his samples keeping you up at night,” Sam joked. You blushed and filled your mouth with more cornflakes. You’d specifically been studying well, all of Bucky? The effects of Dr. Erskine’s serum on his body mixed with the cryosleep and the other HYDRA experiments was a vast array of knowledge to tap into.
“It's not his fault I’m bad at time management. I really should stop doing this though. I'm sure my apartment misses me.” You say quickly as Bucky silently fixes himself breakfast. He pulls out the bagels and cream cheese with a bit more anger than usual. He sent Sam a glare but didn’t say anything.
“Well if you’re here less, we’ll start missing you, won’t we Buck?” Steve asked. Both of them knew about Bucky’s soft spot for the scientist, too bad he didn’t seem like he was ever going to do anything about it.
Bucky didn’t really answer, just sort of muttered something. You tucked a piece of your hair behind your ear trying to hide a blush.
“I'm sure Bucky won’t miss me. He’s gotten enough of me poking and prodding him.” You said hoping it came off as a light joke. While Bucky had been very willing to provide all of the samples you’d asked for, you secretly were starting to feel like you were no better than HYDRA in his eyes…
“And stealing my blood for science?” Bucky asked, his tone still grim. “‘S’not so bad when you do it.” He gave a small smile that he hid behind a sip of coffee. Steve remained quiet a moment, hoping either of you would make a move but both of you stayed blushing and looking in other directions.
“Say, I was wondering to get your opinion on something. If there was a fella who was trying to get something nice for a lady friend, are flowers too old fashioned?”
“A lady friend? Steve, are you dating someone?”
“I can neither confirm nor deny. But humor a hundred year old guy for a second here. If someone were trying to catch the eye of a modern woman such as yourself, would he have to buy you flowers, chocolates, diamond necklace?” He asked. You thought about it for a moment tapping your chin.
“Gosh, not diamonds for me! I can’t wear any jewelry in the lab. I think flowers are nice! Everyone likes getting flowers sometimes. Maybe I should get some flowers for the whole lab, with Valentine's Day coming up and all.”
Bucky smiled to himself. You were just the sweetest person he’d ever met. Always thinking about others. Steve of course caught the face and Bucky quickly turned away, trying to go back to neutral. It was such a stupid little crush, nothing more.
x
You felt like your back might snap in half, that lab cot was really not optimal. You’d ended up staying in the lab past midnight and at that point it was easier to just crash than bother driving home. You’d had to redo nearly all of your samples from yesterday, after your acid experiment melted nearly all the pipettes in the lab. You were probably going to have to get some more cheek swabs from Bucky too.
You bit your lip. It was nice to have him in the lab so much. He didn’t talk a lot but he was always awfully sweet when he did. He also didn’t seem to mind your science babble. It was safe to say you’d developed a bit of a crush over the past few months. Too bad there was absolutely no way he felt the same way about you. He was a gorgeous Avengers for chrissake, he wasn’t going to date a dorky scientist who was studying the acid in his stomach.
Speaking of the devil, when you got up to stretch a bit you were taken back by a face full of flowers, you leaped back in surprise.
Bucky, wearing his sweatsuit like he had just gotten back from a run, was carrying a huge bouquet of pink and purple flowers. His face as usual was unreadable. You placed your hand on your now racing heart.
“Bucky! I didn’t hear you come in!” You said as you regained your footing.
“Uh sorry about that. Kind of a habit. Assassin.” He said with a shrug. The two of you stood in silence with the beautiful flowers separating you. Both of you taking in the other.
Can’t believe he looks so handsome while I’m sitting here looking like an absolute wreck
Can’t believe she looks so cute in the mornings while I’m in here looking like a creep.
“These are beautiful!” You gesture to the flowers snapping the two of you back to reality. He half smiled and took a deep breath, ready for the little speech he'd prepared to go along with the ridiculous bouquet.
“Yeah uh, I was just thinking about what you and Steve were talking about yesterday, with Valentine’s Day and all—“ He began.
“It’s so nice that you got these for the lab!” You cried out taking them from his hands. Yesterday you had mentioned getting flowers for the whole lab, that must be what Bucky was referencing.
“I…did. I did get these for the lab.” He said the smile now disappearing and back to his usual grumpy/ neutral expression. Some people found it a bit off putting but you had grown accustomed to it.
“The techs are gonna flip, an avenger bringing us flowers! This is gonna brighten up the break room.” You squealed happily. It broke your heart a little, secretly hoping they had been for you. The gesture was really appreciated. Maybe he really didn’t mind all of your little experiments so much!
“I’m glad you like them.” He said. He sounded genuine but he looked so sad. You quirked your eyebrows, hoping that you’d be able to cheer him up if he stayed. “Yeah so I’m gonna go now.”
He quickly turned his hands in his pockets.
“Oh you can stay—” You called after him but he was basically out the door.
“I’ve got to go on a run.” he called back.
“Oh.” you said to yourself as the door shut behind him. You clearly had been wrong, no way did Bucky like you at all.
X
“Hey there I got a huge bunch of flowers for the lab. Because I think the lab is beautiful. And the lab is smart and funny. I really like talking to the lab even though I have no idea what the fuck to even say half the time.”
“Talking to yourself again?” Steve asked, finally catching up with Bucky who had taken off at a mad man’s pace.
“Eavesdropping again punk?”
“Flowers didn’t go over too well? I take it?”
“Not talking about it.” Bucky said picking up speed. Steve easily matched his pace, refusing to let his friend get away.
“Maybe you should just ask her out. You used to be pretty good at that. Being charming.” Steve suggested. Bucky picked up speed again and Steve followed, the two of them now pushing hard. Nearly too hard for conversation.
“Will you drop it?” Bucky grunted. There was no way she liked him. Why would she anyway? She was a beautiful, brilliant scientist and he was the grumpy old meanie avenger.
“Just trying to help.” Now Steve was pissed, he pushed harder trying to pass his best friend.
“Stay out of it.” The two super soldiers ran on, lapping poor Sam a shameful amount of times.
Used to be charming. Used to be? Bucky scoffed. He’d show them. He was present day charming.
X
You really needed to work on your time management, you checked your watch and it was already 3 o clock and you hadn’t even had lunch yet. You were out of lab snacks too, so you decided to break for a quick lunch.
You assumed you’d be in the kitchen on your own but entered to see Bucky with a cup of instant noodles. He was mid slurp when you waved hello. You went straight to the pantry to grab the basics for a PBJ. You could hear lots of coughing as you turned.
“You’re not choking right? Do you need the heimlich?” You asked only half jokingly. You’d certainly do whatever you could to help him.
You turned back and Bucky was a bit red in the face but breathing normally again.
“No. S’fine. Went down the wrong pipe.” He grumbled waving his hand as you went back to your sandwich.
“Everyone loves the flowers. By the way, really made our week.” You took a seat across from him. Bucky straightened up a big and cleared his throat for the final time.
“Glad to hear it.” He smiled. You smiled back.
There was a beat of silence. You looked down at your food, then back to Bucky only to discover he had done the same. You were looking into each other's eyes.
“It was really so thoughtful.” You hoped you didn’t sound as breathless as you felt.
“Well I was thinking of you when I saw them.” He said softly. Your heart soared. That was the sort of softness that you only heard from him in a few special moments.
“Tony is having a screening of The Princess Bride. For Valentine's Day. As a treat to the company. Great movie, if you haven’t seen it.” You said very quickly. Not sure what was compelling you to tell him about it. It was one of your favorite movies and you were really excited to go to the screening until another scientist in your lab had asked you if you were bringing a date. It hadn’t occurred to you that the romance movie screening on Valentine's Day was going to be a mostly couples event.
“I haven’t.” Bucky said. You were about to suggest he check it out when he continued “We should go. Together.”
“Ok! Yeah! Yes we should go! Wow, that will be so much fun!” You could hardly believe it! Had your gambit worked? Subtly bringing up the movie with the hopes he’d come with you?
“Uh cool, should I uh pick you up at the lab?” He seemed just as excited as you. You don’t think you’d ever seen him so smiley actually.
“Yeah, I’ll have to bring my duffle bag so I have a change of clothes. I have this dress that looks like Buttercup’s — she’s a character in the movie. I should have more clothes here anyway. I hate my work clothes. And maybe a blanket too since the screening room is always so cold. We could bring snacks even though they’re usually provided. That might be overdoing it. ” You had started to ramble while Bucky rested his chin on his hand, contently listening.
“You’re not planning on sleeping in the lab again are you?” He asked, concerned.
“Well, I want to watch the movie and it's a bit silly to drive all the way home when I'm tired.” You said with a shrug. You really should stop sleeping at the lab so much, it seemed like you were starting to get a reputation.
“Very true, you should not be driving while sleepy. But uh we could go to my place afterwards. It’s a much nicer commute. Probably a bit more comfortable than the lab.” He offered.
“But Bucky, where would you sleep?” You asked, cocking your head to the side. The avengers apartments were nice but you were certain he didn’t have a guest bedroom.
“I’ll take the floor. It’s actually not an issue.”
“Bucky Barnes, I am not kicking you out of your own bed. No way. End of discussion.” You put your foot down. He let out a sigh looking up at the ceiling lights and then back to you. His whole demeanor changed
“Well. I was trying to be a gentleman here but it is a pretty big bed. We probably could both fit. Since it seems like there are no other options. ” He practically purred at you. You blinked, taken aback. You couldn’t remember a time where he had seemed more charming to you! But no, that couldn’t be right. Bucky Barnes was not actually offering to cuddle up with you on Valentine’s Day. This was you misreading the situation with him as usual.
“Oh. You mean that as friends right?” You asked. Bucky looked pained and sucked his teeth for a moment.
“Totally. As friends.”
X
“So let me get this straight. You are going to be going to see the romance movie The Princess Bride together. On Valentines day. As friends. Then you are going back to his apartment. Where you’ve planned on sharing his bed. As friends.”Nat asked. You sat across from Nat on the long L shaped couch in the TV room. You were a little surprised with how well you had ended up getting along with all the Avengers since you got hired for the lab. Nat and Bucky especially were famously unfriendly to newbies and yet, you seemed to click with them faster than anyone.
“Exactly. What's so hard to get about that?” You gave a shrug and sipped some more of your afternoon coffee. She let out a groan and massaged her temples.
“Are you dumb? Like has this whole brilliant scientist thing been like an Elizabeth Holmes scam? Geez Einstein, Bucky is head over heels for you and you spend all of your time thinking about smooching his stupid grumpy little face!” She cried and you winced. You only thought about smooching sometimes.
“His face isn’t stupid.” You muttered and Natasha rolled her eyes so hard you feared they may get stuck. “And he doesn’t like me like that.”
“Why would he ask you out to a movie? Then offer his place afterwards, if not because he’s totally into you!”
“I asked him if he meant as friends then he said yes he meant as friends.” You cried back. She let out an exasperated sigh.
“Honestly at this point, I think I may have to hang up my wing woman hat. Can’t get you a date, can’t get Steve a date, I’ve lost my touch.” She groaned.
“Doesn’t Steve have someone he’s seeing?” You asked.
“Uh absolutely not. No way he could keep that from me. Unless you have some intel I don’t know about.”
“He was asking me all these questions a few weeks ago. About getting a girl flowers to show you’re interested in her.” You explained. Why would he bring that up if not for the girl he’s dating? She nodded along knowingly.
“Quick question, was Bucky also there by chance?” She asked, her wry smirk returning to her face.
“Yeah he was…how did you know that?”
“And was this before or after Bucky showed up with flowers for ‘the lab’ ?” She asked using finger quotes around the lab. The gears in your head usually reserved for science and math started to turn. “Please, I’m begging you. Use that big powerful brain that’s supposedly between your ears.”
You trusted Nat, she was much better at reading people than you were. Could she be right? You hoped she was right.
X
You had changed into your flowy blue dress, you had always thought it looked a bit like Princess Buttercup's wedding dress with its long sleeves and high cinched waist. You took your hair out of its usual ponytail and let it tumble down your shoulders. This was a date. You told yourself. This was a date, Bucky was taking you out on a date.
It didn’t seem real. How could it be? You had crushes all the time but they never actually liked you back, that just wasn’t how life worked out. But Natasha could read people like no one you’d ever known before. Could she be wrong?
Bucky showed up at the lab door, lightly knocking on the door frame as he let himself in. He was wearing a black dress shirt with black dress pants. The black on black was his usual MO but god did he look so handsome in it. He had stayed his hair a bit too, you could see the gel he had combed in to keep it neat.
“Hey are you ready for the mo-” you cut him off by pressing your lips to his. The two of you stayed frozen for a minute neither sure what to do.
He pulled you away looking confused. Oh fuck I just sexually harrassed an avenger oh god I’m fired, I’m dead, Bucky is never going to speak to me again!
“What are you doing?” He whispered, his hands on your shoulders keeping you at a distance.
“I’m so sorry! God I knew Nat was wrong, I’m sorry I’m sorry, I just thought that maybe…god I’m so dumb.” You started to blubber, humiliated. You wanted to melt into the floor.
“Hey, hey slow down. Now I’m really mixed up here, you said we should go as friends and now you’re kissing me. Can you just tell me what’s going on?” He asked, his voice very measured, his face unreadable.
You took a deep breath.
“I like you. I like you a lot. And I always thought that…there’s no way you liked me back. I wished the flowers you brought to the lab were for me but of course they weren’t and I hoped we were going to the movie as a date but of course we aren’t. Nat said she thought you liked me back but I should have never listened to her. I’m sorry.” You covered your face and turned away. You couldn't believe you’d messed this up so bad.
“You keep apologizing but I’m not exactly complaining here.” He said his voice low.
“Huh?”
“I’ve been trying to figure out how to let you know, but every time I tried it didn’t seem like you were interested in me!” He cried out. You just blinked at him, dumbfounded.
“Why would you be into me, you're like the savior of the galaxy and I’m a nerd who practically lives in her lab.”
“Why would you be into me, you're a beautiful brilliant scientist and I'm just some grumpy dope that’s also a pardoned war criminal?”
You couldn’t take it anymore, you threw your arms around his neck and kissed him again. Bye god this was the second time you kissed Bucky today! Only this time when your lips met he eagerly returned the kiss. His soft lips moving feverishly against yours. His hands went to your hips and you tried not to let out a gasp as he pulled you flush against his body.
“Wait, wait, are we going to miss the movie?” He asked you with such genuine sincerity you wanted to scream. How was he so cute?
“We can catch it another time.”
X
The two of you, barely able to keep yourself off each other, somehow managed to get in an elevator, go up all the way to Bucky's floor and get into his apartment. All while still remaining lip locked in a daze.
He was kissing you silly, you almost felt drunk. With a bit of a flourish he tossed you on to the bed (which was quite big, easily room for the two of you like he had said).
“Uh Bucky, what are these for?” You held up the leather cuffs that were chained across the back of the bed. He frowned, suddenly panicking.
“I was going to move those, I’m sorry you had to see that. I just, I get nightmares sometimes and it um, it helps to chain myself to the bed so I don't um hurt myself. I’m on meds now and I never need to use them anymore.” He was rambling, quickly trying to sooth the situation.
“Oh.”
“Sorry if that makes you uncomfortable. I know I’m a whole lot of baggage on top of baggage. I really am totally fine sleeping on the floor if that makes you feel safer or--”
“Don’t say that about yourself. You’re the smartest woman I know. ” He insisted. He sat back down on the bed. He took you in his arms. You pecked him lightly on his lips.
“I just…I thought maybe these were going to be for me.” You fluttered your eyelashes as
Bucky's eyes grew wide. He cleared his throat.
“They can be. They absolutely can be.”
#bucky barnes x reader#bucky barnes#winter solider#bucky barns x you#bucky x female reader#navy and roo's sleepover#i spy challenge#marvel fanfic#fluff#friday night posting baby
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Under one Roof pt 1
pt 2
OK finally IT'S HERE
smh I'm down bad for roommate ghost I am sobbing
my hand is literally burning I wrote this aT COLLEGE
and YES my love language is food pls dont come for me
Summary: you never knew you needed a military roommate until you've got one.
Word Count: 1k (sorry it's short
Warnings: roommate!ghost x female!reader, slightly suggestive (if you squint), mentions of trauma, fluff/comfort, no use of y/n
masterlist
Ghost was an old friend of a friend of yours, and he happened to be needing a place to stay for a while, that ended up being a few more months, and now it's currently been a year since he moved in. He doesn't plan on leaving, you know it, you know that despite the independent man that he is, he likes having someone to come home to.
He was cold at first, so cold. And for many nights you cursed yourself for letting that rock of a heart get into your sweet home. He wouldn't talk much when he was there, you'd almost forget he was around if it wasn't for random coughs or sneezes.
That man smoked like a chimney in the first days he's spent around, he was anxious and that wasn't very cute, he was always smelling like cigarettes, but thankfully he didn't smoke inside.
He appreciated your effort on cooking for the two of you, but you couldn't help it. How could he survive when he wasn't eating properly? Yes, frozen pizza is cool… until it's the third day in a row that you're eating frozen and instant food and you can barely stand.
He also had a fucked up sleeping schedule that you just went along with it, you once got scared when you walked in the kitchen and found him just laying on the wall, eyes closed and snoring slightly. That day you scolded him to go back to his room and made him lay down on the bed.
"You're gonna lay down on this bed and you're gonna have some nice hours of sleep, alright? I'm gonna leave the door open, if I see you awake I'm punching you." You sounded like a mother, almost, and he was so tired he couldn't fight back.
And the days went by, he'd go away, he'd come back as tired as he left. But at least he was slowly opening up to be a really cool guy. You two started to bond, and the more he talked, the more you wanted to spend time with him.
Oh and don't even get started on dad jokes, he's cracking them up whenever he's helping with house chores, or when you two are eating peacefully.
He became a friend, a very good friend, one that wouldn't mind you venting out to, plus he was a good listener. He'd just sit there listening to whatever haze your brain was going through, and slowly he learned that he shouldn't be giving you reasonable ways to solve your problems, he should just tell you it would be ok.
And you found yourself slowly falling for him. Of course destiny had to put you together. Only if it wasn't for the way he handled things around the house.
"Oh, the living room lamp broke? Let me fix it."
"Those boxes are heavy, hand them to me."
"Go find a movie for us to watch, I'll do the dishes. Find a good one, though."
"Goddamnit, I told you not to be climbing on that fucking balcony, you're not a cat, you're gonna hurt yourself one day." Said as he picked you up when you were trying to reach the top of the cabinet. "Just ask me, I can reach it without putting myself in danger."
Or maybe if it wasn't for the fact that he'd purposefully get out of the shower with that pretty little towel wrapped around his body, that made you clench your fists. The way he was still a bit wet, a few drops running down his abs. He was surprisingly cool with his scars around you, maybe because you didn't make a big deal out of it.
That's because it wasn't. You expected that when Gaz, your friend, told you that the friend he was sending to you was his 'work buddy'. And he phrased it exactly like that.
"Don't mind him, he's big and scary, but he'll be a good roommate, I promise, he's my work buddy." You chuckled when you read the text.
And yet Ghost didn't mind the stare of admiration coming from your burning gaze across the living room, when you thought the most ungodly things a brain has seen.
He started to become more and more warm, he found safe with you, like you could actually be his home. One night, he found a deep conection with you when you were casually drinking together, sat by the coffee table, playing video games.
She should know the truth about me.
He thought. And that was the night he dropped his heavy armor. He told you the bare surface of his past, even though most of it had been blocked from his memory, like a dark spot he couldn't remember, and would die without trying to take a peak at it.
You cried, and he couldn't understand why you were crying until you said it wasn't his fault.
"It's not your fault, you didn't deserve any of this." You sobbed, hugging him close.
He broke down. Like he needed someone to reassure him that he wasn't the villain from his past. He realized what you meant to him, and he swore to God he would try his best to come home to you when he had to work.
Some days were strange after that, like he regretted telling you about his story. He had that feeling in his gut that you weren't looking at him the same way, like you were pity. He didn't want your pity, he hated that look on your face.
But that changed.
He had come home one day, texting you while he was at the airport waiting for a ride. You ran to get groceries and make him a good meal, but the only thing that came to your mind was the old recipe of lasagna you kept from your grannie.
That old lady, always saving your life.
#cod mw2#ghost cod#cod fanfic#cod mwii#simon ghost riley#simon riley#cod modern warfare#cod x reader#ghost simon riley#ghost x reader#simon ghost x reader#simon riley x reader#simon ghost#ghost call of duty
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Who says I’m sharing that bath with you?
female anatomy for reader (no use of y/n, gender-neutral pronouns)
nsfw, fluffy smut basically word count: 1900~ english is not my first language. if you spot any mistakes (especially grammar ones), any typos/misspelled words, or if you have any advice for me in general: please let me know. reblogs and comments are highly appreciated.
art cr: @arcanescribbles
"Have some mercy on yourself," you mumble, wrapping an arm around his slender waist, and its thinness has you puzzled and somewhat concerned again. He doesn't hesitate. Allows you to place that weary head on his shoulder, to nuzzle into the crook of his neck — a pleasant relief in the guise of your heat, of rhythmic breath tickling his slimline skin.
"You can't work that much,” you remind him, trying to hide your evident worry behind a light-hearted chuckle.
“Have you ever heard of a proper greeting?” Viktor quirks an eyebrow, and his deft hand quickly grabs yours to do a thing that never fails to make your heart shrink: has you melting at the feeling of his dry, warm lips on your knuckles yet again.
“Hug is a proper greeting,” you protest with a slightly offended scoff, burying your nose into the gorgeous mess of his hair — all unkempt strands and a sturdy scent of something pleasant, yet not exactly definable.
“Not when it comes with scolding,” Viktor releases your hand, the touch of his lips lingering on your skin, and he turns around, forcing you to break the embrace for a second — which you do reluctantly. But now you get to face him, and it certainly feels like a much bigger win.
A win and another reason to give him a lecture. Viktor initiates eye contact, runs a hand along the perfect curve of your hips, hoping that his gentle touch is a good enough distraction from his terribly deep eye-bags — so treacherously confirming your concerns about his sleep schedule (or the lack of such, to be precise).
"You've gotten thinner," you state with a sad frown, looking Viktor up and down. "And you need a nap," you continue, tangling two fingers into his hair. "And a bath.”
“I’ve missed you terribly, and that’s the first thing you mention when I finally have you in my arms?” Viktor cooes, staring at you with a guilty smile — your love-sick genius, always exhausted yet so unexplainably handsome in his own special way.
You scoff again, wrapping your arms around his neck and gently pressing him against the desk — a small gesture of care that allows his body better support without the cane.
“Have you eaten today?” you carefully ask, watching his expression closely.
“Maybe,” he grudgingly answers, and his amber eyes are lancing right through you in the dull light of his lab — tired, attentive, pretty.
“I don’t like that answer." Your voice is a sweet purr against his skin, and he winces as you slide a hand down his chest, fixing his vest for him.
“You’re being incredibly annoying today,” he informs you, pressing a quick peck to your lips. A brief one, barely palpable, too fleeting to give you a proper taste. “Perhaps I should appease you.”
“If you want to appease me, a kiss like that won’t do.”
“Demanding, are we?” He quirks an eyebrow, casually sitting down at his desk, squeezing your waist in a playful attempt to pull you onto his lap. But you don’t move an inch. Not until he kisses you properly, at least.
He gets the hint. Gently grabs your chin, pressing your noses together — kissing the right way this time, deep and slow, with his tongue brushing your bottom lip before slipping into your open mouth — it’s almost lewd when that small motion steals a surprised moan out of you. A kiss of a hungry, fervently missing his lover man. Your man.
“Better?” His question is rhetorical at this point. He knows he left you amazed and dizzy once again — your messy breath is giving it all away. But Viktor wouldn’t be Viktor if he hadn’t asked. The incorrigible tease at his best behavior.
“Much better.”
You give him the reassurance he’s been seeking, adding the missing touch to this affectionate gesture by nuzzling into his embrace, and he hums, satisfied with the solace you’ve brought him so easily with the mere power of your presence.
“So… is my darling appeased now?”
“Relatively.” You laugh, and a self-assured smirk plasters smugly across his face. “It won’t save you from having dinner with me tonight though.”
“Is that so? Well, I appreciate the effort, and the fact that you came here just to visit your sick, touch-starved man, but I’m afraid I still have work to do—“
“I’m not here just to visit you,” you cut him off, as one of your hands slips off his neck straight to cup his sharp knee. “I’m here to collect you. I’m stealing you home with me.”
“Oh no.” He cracks an exaggeratedly offended expression, but judging from the still present on his face grin — he’s actually rather pleased with your intentions. “Being abducted definitely doesn’t sound appealing to me at all.”
“That’s right.” You nod, nudging him softly. “I’ll even hold you hostage if that’s what it takes to bathe you and get you into bed.”
“But what a horrific torture!” he pulls away, slamming a hand against his chest with a low giggle — it lands on his sternum with a muffled slap, right where his thudding heart is. “How ever will I survive that?”
“I believe your fate is inevitable, so you better just accept it.”
“How unfortunate,” he murmurs, pulling you closer, and you gasp, allowing him to lay his cheek against your chest. “Can’t wait to end up in that bath with you,” he whispers, and you hitch in breath, your shaky hands stop massaging his scalp.
“Who says I’m sharing that bath with you?” you tease light-heartedly, feeling his grip tighten around your waist.
“Me.” His response is firm and simple, yet still maddening enough for you to go weak in the knees. Apparently, his nap is being delayed again.
***
Bath with Viktor is a death sentence — a long and squirming one, of countless orgasms and moans loud enough to wake up the whole Piltover. You tried, you really did, to talk him out of it, to make him wait until at least after dinner, but he’s stubborn and knows damn well that you can’t resist him. So all your warnings about how he needs some rest first were muffled mercilessly by his tongue buried deep inside you. At this point, you’re not even sure whether he’s really that into devouring you, or if he’s just trying to prove you wrong, to show you that he’s never tired when it comes to eating you out.
He has you sitting on the edge of the bathtub, legs resting on his covered in crescent nail marks shoulders, and you tug, tug, tug on his hair as he tongue-fucks you through yet another insane release. If only he could smile right now, which was obviously impossible in his position, he would definitely give you the most provoking signature smirk. So you mentally thank his passion for giving head, since it’s the one to blame for his inability to destroy you even more with those grins and his witty dirty-talk right now. He has you right where he wants you: with your thighs wrapped tightly around his head, with your slick getting quite literally everywhere — his tongue, his chin, some on his chest, even. And when you slam your head against the wall, light-headed and breathless, he knows it’s time to do a particularly vicious thing — to suck on your abused clit so hard he might as well just suck the damn soul out of you while he’s at it.
Too much. Overwhelmingly so. And those sweat drops forming on his forehead, and the way he digs his wet fingers into the soft flesh of your legs, and the way he laps up so thoroughly—
“Gonna cum.” You gather the last strengths in your possession to mumble an illegible warning and the skillful bastard between your thighs only picks up pace, leaving you wondering how his tongue is still intact after all that frantic motions inside your cunt. But the technique is rather impressive. You stare at him, wide-eyed and with your lower lip bitten. His sinful gaze meets yours with a guttural rattle when you grip a strand of his dark hair so hard your knuckles turn white. You want to tell him how good his mouth feels, how indescribably hot he looks kneeling in the bathtub, how attractive his skin glistens right now, in the warm water. But the words are unnecessary. Your precious cussing as you come undone on his agile tongue is the best existing compliment to him.
So you deliver. He coaxes the third orgasm out of you. Leaves you throbbing, making one of your shaking legs slip off his slick shoulder into the water with a loud splash. He licks the remnants of you tauntingly slow off his swollen lips, watching your every convulsion closely, and he’s so proud of himself that it almost re-turns you on all over again.
“Look at you.” His sultry whisper reminds you that his ability to be a smartass is back.
“Viktor—“ You suffocate, grabbing his shoulder to hold on for dear life, so you don’t fall out of the tub completely. He chuckles, carefully pulling you back into the water, thoughtful as always, like the gentleman he is. Well, if rearranging your guts with that tortuous tongue and thick cock could be considered something gentlemen do, of course.
He tastes like you now. His tongue is somewhat sour, much puffier in comparison to yours, and it’s not that animate anymore — he pushes it into your mouth rather lazily, evidently worn out by the intercourse.
“I thought the purpose of this bath was to get me cleaned, not dirty,” he whispers with a filthy giggle, wiping your slick off his chin. You roll your eyes, admitting that the single thing stopping you from biting him for that joke is a complete lack of energy. Admitting that he’d just one-upped every single man you've slept with before. Once again.
“Oh, fuck you.” You giggle back, nuzzling into his chest, and it feels so gentle — the lust is gone and the only thing left between you two is pure affection; divine, immaculate, expressed through the softness of your body and the sharpness of his.
“I would be a liar if I said it doesn’t sound tempting, but I don’t believe you’re in a state to do that, my love,” Viktor teases, but you don’t talk back. He left you witless. Too fucked out for your own liking and just perfect for his. “Do you think you can make it to the kitchen?” he asks, pointing at your wobbly legs.
“Yeah.” You hesitate for a second, reluctant to get out of the warm bath. “And you?”
“Oh, I’m not hungry.” Viktor shakes his head, and his response dramatically increases your urge to pinch him. That wasn’t the deal!
“No. Not a chance, you’re not skipping dinner again.”
“But I’ve already had dinner. Well. In a way,” he whispers, as the corners of his mouth curl into another insufferable smirk, and it takes a good ten-second uncomfortable pause for you to understand the pun.
“Eating pussy is not an actual meal,” you frown, pulling away.
“And that’s so unfortunate, don’t you think? At least that way, I’d never skip them…”
“Viktor!”
#viktor x reader#viktor fanfic#viktor arcane#viktor smut#i need to be spayed#no beta we die like men
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If Firefox is ~so good~ then why does it eat half my CPU when all I have installed is an adblocker everyone says to install (Ublock or Adblock Plus) and run like shit
IDK if it's taking half your CPU maybe your OS is bad at distributing resources and you should try running linux.
Okay that was the shitty/snarky answer because anon's bad attitude warranted it.
Real answers:
Possibly your computer really does need an upgrade of some kind; Firefox works great on my computer with an i5-11th gen processor and 20GB of RAM, but it (and let's be real probably everything else) is going to run like shit on a computer with a Core 2 Duo and 4GB of RAM. If your computer is old or underpowered and *everything* is slow, legitimately installing a lightweight linux distro might seriously improve your computing experience. And if you're attempting to run any Windows or Mac OS released in the last 5 years 8GB is going to be the absolute minimum RAM you need to comfortably use the internet, so if you're using a 10-year old computer with 4GB in it, consider adding RAM.
It depends on what you're doing. If you look at comparisons of various browsers some have better performance in some tests than in others, and there's no 100% consensus on what is the fastest. Besides, the people yelling about firefox tend to be yelling about privacy and tracking MUCH more than they are yelling about performance, but you're the only one who can determine whether privacy or performance matters more to you. However, be aware that there's no clear winner between the two in terms of speed. Every other review you click on will have a different answer and different outcomes on speed tests, which indicates that their performance is probably pretty similar (notably, Edge can be faster than both, but you probably don't want to use Edge, right? Like does it actually matter if it's faster if it's not customizable and force-feeds you ads while sending data to Microsoft?).
Your performance might be significantly improved with an extension. Plenty of people complain that if it only works with extensions that it doesn't actually work, but those people are ignoring the fact that people like having control over their internet experience. You brought up Adblock Plus and Ublock Origin - I have a very strong preference for Ublock Origin over Adblock Plus and if Adblock Plus came with a browser but prevented me from using Ublock Origin I wouldn't want to use that browser. So I think that having and testing a variety of extensions to find what works for you is probably the best way of approaching any browser. If Firefox is eating all your CPU (weird; that is not the resource it tends to consume) or RAM (which is the resource it tends to consume) I'd say to try either OneTab, which saves your tabs as a list so you don't have ton of tabs open consuming resources, or try Auto Tab Discard, which sleeps tabs on a schedule that you set and makes exceptions for active media or unfilled forms as you choose.
You might have a bad install - it happens! Sometimes things are fucky and you're having problems and uninstalling then reinstalling the browser will fix it.
But Firefox works, and works well, for millions of people. It's really odd to decide that all of those people are making shit up (for some reason) and that firefox is bad actually instead of doing some troubleshooting with your environment to figure out what's going on - especially when there are *so many* resources out there to help you figure out where the problem might be.
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