#may or may not be working through some things myself in this thread L=

[oneofgodsowncreations]

sчrєnα cσuldn't- shє cσuldn't sαч nσ. shє cσuldn't αccєpt, вut shє cσuldn't sαч nσ- nσt αgαín. nσt whєn thє fírst tímє hαd вєєn sσ hαrd. αs hє вrєαthєd hís 'plєαsє,' shє fєlt hєr вrєαth cαtch ín hєr thrσαt, wσndєríng fσr α mσmєnt whαt hє míght sαч-

σnlч tσ hαvє hєr hσpєs dαshєd líkє wαvєs slαmmíng íntσ α rσck whєn hє sαíd ít wαs nσt tσ thínk σf hím.

trulч, shє hαd líєd. αn hσnєst mєrmαíd shє wαs, вut nσt ín thαt mσmєnt. чєs, ít wαs tσ rєmínd hєr σf hím. вut ít wαs αlsσ tσ grσw clσsєr tσ thє gσd shє míssєd αs wєll. churchєs shє hαd fσund σffєrєd líttlє tσ nσ truє knσwlєdgє, αnd єvєn fєwєr wєrє wíllíng tσ tєαch α wσmαn. sσmє hαd purє hєαrts αnd díd nσt wísh tσ tєαch hєr αlσnє- shє cσuld sєnsє thєír purítч. σthєr plαcєs wєrє sσ fíllєd wíth thє stєnch σf líєs shє knєw thєч hαrdlч lívєd thє fαíth thєч clαímєd tσ cαll thєír σwn. stíll σthєrs wαntєd tσ tєαch hєr, вut fσr αll thє wrσng rєαsσns- wαntíng tσ вє αlσnє wíth hєr whєn thєч knєw thєч shσuld nσt. hєr sσul αchєd tσ cσnnєct wíth thís gσd thє wαч phíllíp hαd σncє tαught hєr. shє hαd mαnαgєd σn hєr σwn, вut shє wαntєd tσ lєαrn mσrє, tσ knσw mσrє, αnd thє αnswєr lαч ín hєr hαnds вut ít wαs nσt αn αnswєr shє cσuld kєєp.

hєαrt tσrn, shє rєlєαsєd ít tσ phíllíp. "í lívє ín thє wαtєr, rєmєmвєr?" shє sαíd quíєtlч. "ít wσuld σnlч gєt dєstrσчєd." α stupíd, stupíd thíng tσ sαч, síncє shє wαs σnlч just lσσkíng αt ít fσr hєrsєlf αnчwαч. вut shє hαrdlч cσuld fσrcє mσrє wσrds σut σf hєr mσuth.

shє fσrcєd hєrsєlf tσ nσt sєnsє hís єmσtíσns, tσ nσt trч tσ rєαd hís hєαrtвєαt. shє cσuldn't вєαr tσ trulч rєαlízє shє hαd вєcσmє nσthíng tσ hím.

sчrєnα nєvєr gσt thє chσícє.

thє wσmαn, thє ríghtful σwnєr σf thє flσwєrs αnd chσcσlαtє. shє wαs hєrє. thєrє. ríght thєrє. ríght ... thєrє. sчrєnα rєmαínєd cσrdíαl, plєαsαnt, dєtαchєd, αs shє shσuld. ít hαd вєєn fαr tσσ lσng tσ gívє plαcє tσ thє αchєs, snαps, αnd вrєαks hєr hєαrt wαs fєєlíng. shє hαd nєvєr єхpєríєncєd such α vívíd rush σf pαín- nσt síncє shє fєαrєd phíllíp wσuld díє ín frσnt σf hєr αt вlαckвєαrd's hαnds αnd σh!

thє αchє σf hєr sσul єruptєd αnd shє fσund hєrsєlf αt thє fєєt σf hєr lσrd αs shє prαчєd dєspєrαtєlч thє pαín díd nσt shσw ín hєr єчєs. shє hєαrd sσmєthíng αвσut 'mєrmαíds αrє scαrч' αnd ít tσσk αll σf hєr sєlf cσntrσl nσt tσ smílє líkє hєr sístєrs αnd rєvєαl hєr shαrp, jαggєd, pσíntєd fαngs- αn αвsσlutєlч wrσng dєcísíσn, вut σh sσ dєlícíσuslч tєmptíng ín thє mσmєnt. cαndч wαs shσvєd íntσ hєr hαnds. shє hєαrd thє wσmαn's-rαchєl's- musícαl lαughtєr αs thє pαír trαípsєd αwαч. αs sσσn αs thєч turnєd αwαч, shє wαs gσnє.

vαníshíng wíth spєєd knσwn σnlч tσ hєr kínd. dαч turnєd tσ níght. thє вєαch. pєαcє. sσlícє. thє stαrs. ít wαs αll shє nєєdєd.

вut thєn, shє hєαrd hís vσícє. hєr nαmє. hєr hєαd whíppєd αrσund, thє mσσnlíght cαtchíng hєr єчєs, hєr lσng trєssєs gєntlч dαncíng ín thє wínd. shє wαntєd tσ вє sαssч, shє wαntєd tσ snαp αt hím. 'ít ís thє вєαch. σf cσursє í wσuld вє hєrє,' shє wαntєd tσ sαч. вut shє díd nσt. shє wαs grαtєful mєrmαíds wєrє tσσ tσugh fσr tєαrs σf sσrrσw- σthєrwísє shє wσuld hαvє вєєn cαught rєd fαcєd, wíth shíníng strєαks rαcíng dσwn hєr chєєks. αn αвsσlutє єmвαrαssmєnt αftєr αll thís tímє, вut hαd thє єmσtíσns, hαd thє αttαchmєnt єvєr rєαllч fαdєd αwαч? nσ.

shє hαd вєєn cαllєd αwαч σn fαmílч вusínєss, unαвlє tσ єхplαín, unαвlє tσ cσmє вαck- unαвlє tσ lσvє thє σnlч σnє hєr hєαrt trulч chєríshєd.

"í αm lєαvíng," shє chσkєd σut, hσpíng shє díd nσt sσund αs dístrαught αs shє fєlt. "í wísh чσu єvєrч hαppínєss, phílíp." shє sαíd ít kíndlч, αnd shє mєαnt ít. hєr єчєs prσvєd gєnuínє. "í wαnt чσu tσ hαvє єvєrч hαppínєss. íf shє ís whαt ís вєst fσr чσu, í wísh чσu wєll."

вut íf shє ís nσt... hєr hєαrt críєd, í stíll wαnt tσ вє.

Philip frowned when she declined his gift -- the only thing that was easy to give her -- and he tried to gently hold it out to her. "I insist, Syrena. God knows I need only one. This is meant to be shared with another anyway." He tried to force out a laugh, a small chuckle, anything to lighten the weight in his heart. This wasn't the reunion he ever envisioned.

"Please." He didn't mean to sound like a drowning man begging for air. "Don't... don't think of me, for this isn't mine. This is God's Word. So think of Him and... and how His plans are better than ours." The words were like stale bread in his mouth -- it was no longer easy for him to swallow; he was reluctant to believe it.

God gives and He takes away. Syrena was removed from his life, and despite all his efforts, she was not given back to him. It was Rachel who took her place. And that's who he should be returning to.

So why was he still struggling to part with her?

Why was she back in his life now?

If he was to say goodbye, he might as well have the decency to make eye contact with her. He knew he would see sadness there, but he didn't anticipate how much it would pierce him. He never wanted to see her hurt. He did so once, twice... now a third time. And this time, a deeper pain, no doubt.

Philip breathed slowly, steadying his feelings. "It was lovely to see you again, Syrena." He tried to keep his voice casual, friendly. "I wish I could say more to you. But --"

"Philip? There you are!"

Philip's eyes widened and he immediately forced a wide smile when Rachel came up to him, hooking her hands around his arm and pulling him to her. "Rachel!" he greeted. "I'm sorry, I --" He glanced at Syrena, panic in his eyes.

"I was wondering what was taking you a while. I'm sorry I couldn't wait no longer." She laughed, then looked at Syrena as well, her smile faltering slightly. "Who's this?"

Philip forced himself to meet Syrena's eyes -- forced himself to see the pain he was inflicting deepen. "This is Syrena," he said. "She's... she was an old friend. From one of my missions trips." It wasn't technically a lie; he couldn't lie.

"Oh, what a lovely name!" Rachel held out her hand to shake Syrena's. "Almost reminds me of mermaids. But I never liked them though, they scare me." She smiled almost sheepishly.

Philip raised his eyebrows in surprise. This was honestly his first time hearing it. He hoped Syrena didn't think he did this on purpose -- or maybe it didn't matter. She had every right to hate him right now.

"Anyways, it was lovely to meet you!" Rachel continued before pulling Philip away. Then she noticed the flowers and chocolates in his arms. "Oh -- I'm actually not in the mood for chocolate right now. I'm sorry I yelled at you about them earlier. There's actually something else I wanted to try, if you can get it for me?" She glanced back at Syrena. "Perhaps we can give these to her!"

Before Philip could say anything, Rachel took the pouch of candies and handed them out to Syrena. "They're really good, you'll love them!" She smiled just as sweetly before returning to Philip's arm.

Philip took one last glance at Syrena before turning away. He would understand if she could never forgive him after this encounter. Was this God telling her to let go of him this time?

As if to answer his question, Rachel tiptoed to kiss Philip on the cheek. "You're so sweet," she said, taking the flowers from his hand as they continued their way through the market.

--

Philip's mind was elsewhere for the rest of the day -- which made him more willing to buy Rachel whatever she wanted. It kept her from asking too many questions about Syrena. Philip had rarely mentioned her throughout their relationship, wanting to put the memory of a fantasy creature behind him. However he failed to shake off how bothered he felt by Rachel's comment about not liking mermaids. He already knew she disliked the thought of traveling -- even more so, him sailing off to God knows where. And that was putting the main strain in their relationship.

And now Syrena is back.

Philip walked Rachel back home with all the goods he bought for her, a variety of flowers, treats, and knick knacks from foreign places. She tried to convince him to stay the night, noticing that something on his mind was bothering him, but as always, he politely declined. It didn't feel right to him, sleeping at a woman's place without being married to her first. It disappointed her each time and always prompted the question of when he'd propose, in which he'd respond that he was waiting until he completed his cartography apprenticeship first. And he was close. However it seemed that Rachel was getting impatient, and he was starting to second-guess spending the rest of his life with her.

It was night when he left her place, though he didn't head straight home yet. He needed some space to clear his head. No doubt Syrena's return would trigger nightmares of Blackbeard and the other pirates -- which happened when he first returned home from his initial adventure. They would occur now and then, which would prompt him visiting Rachel in the middle of the night. She was his main source of comfort while he recovered, and maybe that's what he clung to. She may be demanding, but her humanitarian work already demands so much from her, surely she deserved to have good things given back to her. He also didn't mind; he was earning a lot more money than he needed. Of course he gave back to the church that impacted a majority of his life -- or did those cease due to Rachel's increasing demands? Nevertheless, he liked seeing her happy. She had filled a gap in his heart; a hole that was once filled with sea water, she replaced with solid ground.

Yet it's to the shoreline Philip wandered to that night, the sound of the crashing waves bringing a familiar comfort. He didn't want to admit he was hoping Syrena would be there, but she was. And he felt guilty for feeling glad she was there, though he couldn't help that his words came out bitter.

"What are you doing here, Syrena?" Here -- on land, in my home town of all places -- now, after all this time.

He had every right to feel the way he did. But he couldn't stay that way for long, especially not towards her.

[euphoria-looney]

Hold Me, Console Me, And then I’ll Leave Without a Trace, No One Noticed by The Marias

Before we start this has many ideas for authors and some are specific, so if you notice “Hey that looks like what idea I put into my post” PLEASE TELL ME, I would love to give you credit, bc I probably would have never made this without it!

and greatgooglymoogly (my friend, I don't discriminate against other greatgogglymoogly's) if you see this scroll, admire how aesthetic this post is and scroll./j

(This has a mother!darling and a daughter!darling, and they are separate from the reader- unless you decide they aren’t 😍😍)

gn!reader (if I accidentally make them seem too feminine, I’m sorry 😞)

So Much More.

Pt. 1 Pt.2

All my life, I held onto this thin piece of thread called hope. It started off as a rope, almost strangled myself with it, but as time went on and as it started dwindling down, it started snapping.

So, now, the only thing that kept this “rope” connected was a thin piece of thread, too bad, it broke. Due to people who were honestly victims.

Bruce Wayne.

Everyone knows him, who cares if you love him, who cares if you hate him, I mean eat the rich, and who cares if you don’t care about him. To me, he’s a good-for-nothing sperm donor who was also my landlord.

My dear mother, (M/N) (L/N). What a diva she was. She gave me everything and so much more. She embraced me in such comfort that I could feel myself slipping when it disappeared from right under me.

Gotham City is one of the many crime-raided cities there is in the world, anything could go wrong.

Luckily for momma, she died through a natural death, unluckily for me, she was my everything. I mean really, a child no older than 4 frantically searching for something, anything. Desperation creeping in, dialing an emergency call, with terrible service and small fat fingers that didn’t even know how to operate such a stupid telephone that only worked if you used it at an angle.

May my dearest momma lay in a field of flowers, sunlight kissing her skin, that was the fantasy she told me she’d love to take me to. Something Gotham City could only be reached if there was no such thing as heroes, villains, or vigilantes.

If it wasn’t for my appearance I’d would had gone to an orphanage, th officer or whatever he was, Gorgan? Gordon? Doesn’t matter, he called him someone.

a man who seemed so formal and elegant showed up, he would be my father figure, for the time I would spend in the manor. Since, it just so happens I had a 100 percent match with a certain millionaire, billionaire. The man that showed up was none other than my light in the dim, depressing place.

Alfred, the butler for the Bruce Wayne.

Ecstatic, I was, that’s when the rope appeared, my thoughts ran rapid.

Do I have siblings? How many? How’s my dad?

Questions after question, answered with… I hope you’re hungry for…

nothing 😐-

Alfred had answered all my questions, of course I met them all… eventually,

Richard, other wise known as “Dick”

He tried to give the impression to the family as a caring big brother. Well, not to me obviously. When he first met me, his first words were “Who’s the kid?”

“Who’s the kid?” Dick asked

“This is your new sibling, [name] Wayne”

He was there, for y’know that one second, moving on Tim.

Tim

I’ve never held a conversation with him, he breezed past me.

Jason.

BFFs, before he died, then came back to life, then shut me out.

Barbara, Cassandra, and Stephanie

Was my idol, but they stuck their head up so high that they didn’t notice me. Making her nothing more than a second thought in my head.

Duke

Sweet kid, from what I've seen in the shadows.

Damian

He really, broke me in, hell if anyone’s impacted me, it’s him.

degrading me like I was a bug infestation.

Then he stopped, saying “I don’t have time to waste on you.”

Are you kidding me?

I did everything and more for the attention of my family.

Sports? You name it. I probably did it.

Instruments? Do you even know how many medals I've won?

Singing and dance are challenging but that doesn't mean I'm not perfect to the T.

But nothing worked, it's funny you'd think, with how pathetic I am, especially with all these attempts that idiotic thin thread would've already snapped.

No.

Do you know what made it snap? [M/D] and [D/D]. (The second D- stands for darling)

The pair were everyone's obsession.

[M/D], Bruce Wayne's one true love, if this hasn't been obvious my mother was a fling/rebound of Mr. Wayne. [M/D], beautiful, kind, and the object in the family's eyes. It's quite sad if anything, she's like a caged bird.

[D/D], younger than Damian.

Oh, I haven't given you the age scale from oldest to youngest.

Dick and Barbara are the same age, being the oldest

Jason

Tim, Stephanie, and Cassandra

Me

Duke

Damian

[D/D]

Out of these many children. Three are blood-related with Bruce Wayne, Me, Damian, and [D/D].

I'm getting off track.

[D/D], adored, so small you'd want to keep her in your pocket.

One thing was clear about these two. They were everything to the Wayne family.

That's when the string broke.

They came probably by force and hated the very thing I wanted, attention, and love.

I wish I could say I hate them, as they were parallel to me and my mother.

My mother, who was the other woman.

My mother, who never held a grudge.

My mother, who died in a cold, dark room.

My mother, who could never see what type of person I am today.

But I couldn't hate them. I can't. They were the only other ones who gave me that family bond that wanted for so long.

It didn't help that they seemed to deem me to be the favorite. [M/D] loved to be my 'mother' and in her eyes, I was her favorite child, of course behind [D/D] since I was normal compared to them.

[D/D] If I'm near her, maybe grabbing a snack while the family is having 'family game night' she'd somehow spot me, giving that puppy-eyed look, pulling me to join them.

I would, if it's not for the way I would feel these eyes boring on me.

'Why do you have to be here, why are you ruining the moment, who are you?'

I'd pull my hand away, shaking my head, patting her hair, before making it back to the dim, dark hallway, so empty, that you could hear each echo of the step.

As I sit here complaining, at least today's, the day. I'm officially 18.

That's right. 18 years of age and everything I just wrote down has been a recap of my life.

This is my 14th journal. For each year that I've been in the manor, I had a journal, that captured each year of my life, from my emo phase to my popular phase, and now here, the year I graduate, the year that I officially move out.

My first journal was a composition journal, Alfred had no idea what I would like, everyone else was busy according to him, he gave me this journal and told me to write everything I felt, and nobody would ever see it. It's stained definitely. My first-ever entry was: "I wish I got a pet to keep me company, at least that would be better than this stupid silence."

Okay, so maybe there were a lot of spelling mistakes. I don't need to write it down. Even trying to decipher that whole sentence was hard. Not the point I would lose interest every few months before coming back to it. Then it became a hobby. It's very important to me.

I graduated yesterday, too bad nobody was there. Alfred was too busy to come to celebrate it, since graduations are long and take a while, his job came first before anything. Today is my birthday, it's a joke if anything. The day before my graduation is my birthday. I bought this journal yesterday as a little celebration gift and to me in general to celebrate my birthday.

That should be all for my entry.

Yours truly,

[Name] [Last Name]

-

Standing up I glance at my bookshelf filled with different genres of books, split into non-fiction and fiction. Journals filled with information from books, facts that mattered, and scenes that hit me deeply.

Junk journals, bullet journals, and the sheld that mattered the most to me.

My personal journals. 15 journals including the one that I was holding my hand.

A knock broke my thoughts, I slipped the journal I had in my hand onto the shelf before opening the door.

"Happy birthday, young master. I made a cupcake batch for you. Even an edible candle." He held cupcakes to me arranged so delicately with a candle on the center cupcake.

I'm going to miss him so much when I leave. So much so that I didn't even notice the tears slipping from my eyes.

"Oh dear, young master, I'm so sorry that I missed your graduation yesterday, and of course, the others wanted to be there- they were-"

"No, it's not that Alfred- Thank you so much, for everything." I engulfed him in a hug. Something I hadn't done since I was a child.

He held me and consoled me before leaving as it seemed [D/D] had adopted another feral animal or something like that.

I smiled and nodded at him when he apologized for having to go, shaking my head in understanding.

I looked over everything in my room. I would leave everything behind, including my journals. Even the newly bought one. If I was going to leave. I wanted to at least have something that showed.

I existed.

I would leave without a trace that I had left in the first place. And even leaving all these books here, I'm sure you couldn't even tell this would be a room without the bed, just some library with random entries from this random room.

Like a coward, I'll leave a letter for Alfred. For him, and only him.

With that, I bid the manor goodbye. With whatever presents I had anyway.

Also if this is cringy, just let me be delusional and believe that I ate this shit up.

Kind of new to how to format on Tumblr, and how to make posts pretty.

Anyway I wrote this with Grammarly so if you see any mistakes with the writing, I say "boo"

Hoped you enjoyed, bc I'm brewing up the next part... and also how to make a masterlist and all that jazz.

[neocitycafe]

Nightwatch (Mark)

♡ genre: ginger tea - sageuk/historical; a little bit of everything--romantic fluff, soft smut, light angst

✎ words: 7.5k

✓ summary/notes: Mark Lee, loyal guard to the crown prince, unexpectedly meets court nurse!reader in a palace where everyone has dreams a little bigger than their roles seem to allow. Featuring small appearances by other NCT members: prince Jaemin, illustrator Renjun, royal physician Doyoung, and more. Inspired in part by Neo Zone’s “Kick It” concept.... (a few extended thoughts here) Enjoy!!

P.S. I realize that the name “Mark” is out of place for a historical Korean setting… Please imagine that there’s some sort of inside joke or creative story where Lee Minhyung’s nickname became Mark :P @nctsworld tagging you, cee! thank you for the endless fun chatter and fangirling every day, and for the real encouragement too, through the years.

˚·̩̩̥͙‧⁺˚*･༓☾　One: Medicine at Midnight　☽༓･*˚⁺‧·̩̩̥͙˚

When you sneak into the herbal pantry room at half past midnight, the last thing you expect is someone else already there, rummaging through the musty drawers. A lone candle casts strange shadows dancing between the herb sachets hanging from the ceiling.

Holding your breath, you map out the fastest path back to where you slept. You had waited until your fellow court nurses were sound asleep, tiptoed past Doyoung’s quarters and his light snoring, and followed slivers of moonlight on the familiar floorboards.

You turn to make your escape, but it’s too late. The person in the room spins around and blows out the candle lighting the room. He pins you against the wall and sends the surrounding room into dizzying darkness.

“What are you doing here?” His voice is low and commanding, and his body is held like a string strung taut, ready to meet its target. As your eyes adjust to the dimness, you find that he’s wearing all black. Gold threads swirl into the figure of a dragon, glimmering softly across his chest. He must be a royal guard. You’d never spoken to one before. “Who are you? And what are you doing here?” He repeats himself and tightens his hold around your wrist.

You whisper your name, keeping your head bowed. “I- I work here, sir. Nurse under royal physician Kim Doyoung.”

“Ah, I’m sorry. Lee Mark. Eastern Palace.” You look up to meet shining eyes and a face softer than the voice it held. For a moment, you’re mesmerized. In his eyes, stars twinkle with a youthful wonder that you didn’t expect to discover there. You realize your position and cast your gaze downwards again.

Mark takes in your lashes, the quiver in your lip, the loose white cotton wrapped around your shoulders. He draws a quick breath. You must be the one. The court nurse Prince Jaemin keeps talking about. The one who brews seemingly magical healing drafts and whose laugh is like a breeze on a hot summer’s day. Noticing your proximity and your lack of proper attire, he backs away and the warmth of his hands leaves you.

You’re grateful the palace guard doesn’t question further about why you are here for medicine in the middle of the night. But to direct attention elsewhere… “And may I ask what brings you at this hour, naeuri?”

He smiles sheepishly before pushing back his right sleeve, revealing several cuts and a scabbing elbow. “It hurts just a bit.” His voice is sweeter now, almost innocent. “Doyoung said I could let myself in and put something on to help with this. As long as I tell him what exactly I took. I didn’t know we’d finish training so late after hours.”

It looks like it hurts more than a bit. You wonder if they are battle scars, but you save the questions. You find a small bowl of water, the correct ingredients for a salve, and fresh linen to clean and dress the wounds. Mark expects to wince when you press down on his arm but instead, a feeling of cool spreads through his elbow.

Maybe it’s the quiet of the night and tight space that makes Mark feel like he can let down his guard and trust you with anything. “Actually, I got like this tripping on my own feet this morning. Nothing heroic. But don’t tell anyone. I’ll never hear the end of it if Donghyuck finds out.”

“Don’t worry. I won’t tell.” You laugh softly, and it does seem like a breeze on a warm day, Mark can’t help but think to himself. It reminds him of the lightness of his younger years, before palace life, duties, and always being on watch.

You almost share your secret too, with the way he smiles and asks about the cooling ointment, intrigued by how you made it. But after he leaves, you creep back to the medicine drawers. You take a fistful of what you were looking for and hide it in a pocket you’d sewn inside your skirts.

˚·̩̩̥͙‧⁺˚*･༓☾　Two: Night Watch Walks　☽༓･*˚⁺‧·̩̩̥͙˚

You try to drop a silver coin into Renjun’s palm, but he pushes your hand away.

“Please, no need! I promise I’ll get it to your mother.”

“It’s the home closest to the lake. My father’s usually fishing before dawn, but by midday he’ll stop by with lunch.” You keep rambling, and Renjun tsks impatiently but good-naturedly.

“I know how important this is to you.”

It’s not the first time Renjun is doing a delivery for you. He has also transcribed, illustrated, and read letters for you. He did this all under the guise of selling parchment pouches and bags needed for drying herbs, of course. He slips away with the setting sun.

Most of the nurses had wrapped up for the evening and withdrawn to their quarters early, glad for the extra rest. But your mind is a storm cloud. You’d seen firsthand how the queen barely recovered in time from her ailments last spring. You hope your father described your mother’s condition with accuracy and that the combination of herbs is correct. It was always dark when you picked them out of Doyoung’s drawers, relying on your muscle memory for where everything was stored. One ingredient is very rare and expensive, and you pray Renjun doesn’t get delayed, or worse, found out.

“Are you following me?” A voice shakes you, and you’re surprised to see Mark a few steps away across the courtyard. You had wandered with no destination and found yourself with the guard you met last week.

“No… Just taking a walk because I couldn’t sleep.” He nods in response. His eyes scan the surroundings and he keeps walking, but you feel him slow his gait for you.

“Well, I’m on night watch duty.”

“Then I’m on night watch duty too,” you reply.

“Oh, you are?”

“Yes, making sure you don’t trip over your own feet again.”

Mark stops and laughs. “It was a one time thing!”

“How’s the elbow?”

It has healed up nicely and the rest of your path around the Eastern Palace is spent getting to know Mark. You stay one step behind him, landing your foot where his shadow would’ve been in the day. There’s something comfortable about being together, and you almost forget about your worries. Mark’s voice is like gentle rain, a pitter-patter, interspersed with an occasional giggle, and you could listen to it forever.

Mark doesn’t trip once following the familiar route around the palace grounds. But he notices the beating of his heart, faster than usual for the pace he was walking.

*:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧

You find yourself walking with Mark the next night, and the one after the next. It’s like your feet are naturally pointed towards him. You learn that Mark enjoys writing and poetry. He sometimes gets lost in his thoughts. His nose gets scrunched up in an endearing way when he’s too focused on something. He is skilled with his hands, especially with shooting arrows, but a bit clumsy with everything else. You are impressed that Mark is part of multiple units in the palace, and you admire how upright and hardworking he is. He makes you want to strive to be a better person yourself. You understand why he was selected as one of the crown prince’s closest guards.

“If you enjoy language and writing, maybe you can become an author and publish some poems?”

Mark shakes his head. “I have one job for life. Protect the prince, the palace, the city.”

“But what if you could?”

Mark wants to tell you he has started writing more in the past few weeks. Late at night, when he can’t stop thinking about you. Instead, what he says is, “But you know I can’t.”

“Alright then…” You would come back to this but you change the subject for now. “I was wondering, is Prince Na as handsome as the court ladies say he is?” Mark’s eyes become comically round at your question.

“I hope you were about to say he’s even more handsome than they say he is?”

It’s dark out, but the sweeping royal blue of the crown prince’s clothing is hard to miss. You freeze and hold a deep bow, but Jaemin waves it away, as if dismissing the formalities. His smile is swoonworthy, if you’ve ever seen one that fits that description. The corners of his eyes crinkle in mischief.

“I need a word with you,” the prince nods towards Mark, and you bow three more times, backing away.

Mark waits until you are out of earshot, the anxieties surfacing unbidden. Did Jaemin have his eyes set on you? Mark pictures you with lavish gifts that only a crown prince could afford. Or better yet, the prince could grant you status and freedom, he could support a large, happy, growing family—

“What is she like?” Jaemin’s question breaks his thoughts. And then all the things that Mark loves about you come rushing to his mind.

“Yes, well, she is very bright. And genuine. Kind of daring. Creative. So funny sometimes, even when she doesn’t mean to be. Carefree, beautiful… very beautiful.” Mark gushes almost reverently before realizing he may have misspoke. Prince Jaemin liked to keep it casual, but Mark wanted to show his due respect. “Um, she is a loyal servant to the kingdom,” he tacks on lamely at the end, trying to sound more professional.

“Be happy.” Jaemin’s words are loaded with meaning, and he grins at Mark’s eyebrows raised in surprise. “It’s a royal command.”

Mark isn’t sure, but he thinks his long-time friend sounds resigned beneath it all. Despite Jaemin’s smile, he could tell that it didn’t quite reach his eyes.

You see, Na Jaemin had many things: a seal that dictated the law of the land, fine teas from the east, sweet tangerines from Jeju island, the smoothest of silk robes, and more. But the privilege to love? Not something he could place a stamp on, taste, or touch.

He wants to ask you, the miracle court nurse, is there not a draught that makes the heart a little lighter? A concoction to soothe the soul? But for now, it satisfies him to make the romance of those around him blossom. He smiles at Mark’s giddy expression, the image of one of the sharpest palace guards now bashful, shy, and in love.

˚·̩̩̥͙‧⁺˚*･༓☾　Three: Holiday　☽༓･*˚⁺‧·̩̩̥͙˚

You’re shaking while staring at the letter in your hands. You can’t read your father’s script, but Renjun assures you the message says your mother is now feeling much better. They followed your exact directions and her fever broke the next day. Renjun smiles as you tuck the paper away. He had always loved painting. As a child, he found scraps of parchment and spent hours recreating the world with strokes of ink. But his family’s paper-making business needed his support, and he put his passion aside as a hobby. Being able to illustrate your instructions and messages feels like a dream come true he never knew he could achieve. He has a chance to paint the fine lines of sesame leaves, the mixed white and yellow blossoms of crown daisies, and the rough texture of milkwort root. You thank Renjun profusely, telling him he’s a lifesaver with his artwork, and you exchange the next secret package and note. A neighbor’s baby has been colicky and you recommend a tummy-friendly catmint and fennel tea.

You know it is wrong to take from the royal physician’s storage, but these things aren’t being used. You can’t help the elation bubbling up in your chest knowing that people were feeling better because of what you were trying.

“What’s got you in such a good mood?” You look up at the familiar voice. You want to gush all about it. It’s not that you don’t want to share with him. But Mark is so good, so honest. He waits until you finish your duties to invite you on night time walks now. With him, it’s always responsibilities first. You make sure the fire’s out, the lid covering the stone pot completely, before following him towards the Eastern Palace pond.

“Well, it’s my holiday tomorrow! I’m visiting my home, the fishing village by Resonance Lake!” While not the exact reason, this is true, and it is cause for your joy. It’s one of your few days off for the year, granted in exchange for your service to the kingdom.

“Ah, I see.” You notice that wistfulness tinges his voice. “Jisung said that there’s supposed to be a full moon tomorrow night. I was hoping to see it with you. But of course, you can see it from where you’ll be too!”

You feel your cheeks heat up at the comment. You want to tell him that seeing the full moon together sounds lovely, and you’ll be sure to return to the palace before the Western Gate closes for the night. But he’s being called away by another guard, ending your walk abruptly. He gives you a small nod and then you watch as Mark speeds away like an arrow, silent and unswerving.

*:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧

Home is running into open arms, tearing up when your father tells you you’re his pride, and holding your mother’s weak hand. Her health has improved dramatically, but she still needs rest, so she sends you out to the market to enjoy the sunshine on her behalf. Your father kept one of his best catches from the morning instead of selling it, and you promise to fetch the freshest vegetables to complement it for dinner.

While the town market does not carry the fine ingredients for a king’s many side dishes, it does have the goods that local commoners scrounge up to barter and trade. Seasonal wild greens, mushrooms and roots of all kinds, fresh and dried. Just thinking of the colors and scents has your mind drawing connections. Bean sprouts for soup, maybe some bellflower root to boost immunity...

Someone steps in front of you, and you almost knock into their chest. Instead of his black guard’s outfit, it’s a jewel-toned hanbok he’s dressed in and a commoner’s hat shielding his shining eyes from the sun. With high cheekbones ready to rise with his laughter, he looks so dashing you think you may be daydreaming.

“Mark!” He breaks into the hugest grin. “How are you here... Are you following me?”

“Nope. Just taking a walk because I couldn’t sleep.” He gives you the most dramatic wink, and you laugh because it’s midday and you’ve never seen him like this. “Actually, I took a holiday today too.” Prince Jaemin was more than happy to authorize it, as long as Mark helped him sneak out for a day of fun too. (He took off with another guard, Lee Jeno.)

Mark lets you pull him along through the merchant stalls and he claps along to the beat of traveling pansori performers, happy to shed his usual role and responsibilities. He becomes just a young man with the lovely one he wants to pursue.

The youthful wonder in his eyes is back, and when he sees the way your eyes light up too, his heart wants nothing more than to be the reason. He plays point-and-learn encyclopedia with you and all that you see.

“What are those funny things?”

“Ginger, silly. But I like to get them from another lady. And these are eggs, you know. The thing you have for breakfast sometimes.”

“I know what eggs look like! I can cook them!”

“Debatable.”

He pouts and points at some whole grains. “What about those?”

“These are good for your digestion.” You place a hand on your stomach as if to demonstrate. He points to the next row, curious about the bottles of dark liquid kept in the shade. “Ah, eel extract. That’s good for…” You gesture a bit lower and he gawks.

“What?!”

“At least that's what I heard. Want to try?” He shakes his head quickly and you think you hear him mutter, “Don’t need that…”

The ginger seller is chatting with another customer about unrest in the east, and Mark tilts his head in interest. His visit to town in regular garb is not without a mission after all. He gives your shoulder a gentle squeeze. His eyes have dimmed to something more serious, but with the softness of an apology. “Hey, can I find you after dinner?”

You nod, understanding his signals. “Okay, the lake. By the last house, around the corner of the village.”

*:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧

Mark is true to his word. You’ve only made yourself comfortable in the grass looking out to the lake for a few minutes when he joins you, plopping himself down.

You can tell he doesn’t want to talk about his work, so you don’t pry. Instead, you let him ask all the questions. You share memories of swimming in the lake when you were young, the first time you gathered berries from the forest outside of the palace and almost got lost, how you wish to sneak out to see the cosmos flowers next autumn. You conclude that it seems like your penchant for trying new things always gets you into trouble. Mark reassures you that they do make for marvelous stories though.

“Remember when we talked about how I’d be a writer if I had the chance to do anything? How about you?”

“Me?” You pause, eyes following the ringed patterns left by dragonflies touching the still water. “I’d become the best physician. Even better than Kim Doyoung.” It’s exhilarating to say it out loud.

“You want to take his place as head royal physician?”

“Oh. No, not in the palace.”

“Then where?”

“I don’t know.” You’d never allowed yourself to dream what you wanted any further. You turn back to gaze in the direction of the town, thoughts drifting towards the bustle of the market earlier in the day.

“I think you’d be amazing.” Mark’s voice brings you back.

“I’m not amazing now?”

“That you are too.” He transforms your joke into sincerity, just like that. It’s his turn to pause this time, and you move to face him. His breath warms your cheek with how close you are, and his eyes are brimming with something that you can’t name. “I… I’ve come to care for you,” he confesses. He takes your hand in his.

It’s love. It’s adoration. It’s a little fear for what may come. It’s hope. It’s desire.

You lace your fingers together and Mark feels that his heart may burst. “I care for you too, Mark.”

The full moon rises, but both of you are too busy to notice tonight.

˚·̩̩̥͙‧⁺˚*･༓☾　Four: The Space Above the Library　☽༓･*˚⁺‧·̩̩̥͙˚

“Where are we going?” Mark’s tugging you off course from the path you usually walk.

“A secret!”

“What about your duties?”

“It’s Yeongho’s turn for the night watch. He’s the One Two Seven squad captain, and he says we need to rethink the security. Something about northeastern borders. This way.”

One moment you’re outside, at the back of the palace library, and the next Mark has leapt on top of the roof. He reaches down and lifts you with surprising ease. You hang on, letting out a squeak and hooking your arms around his neck as he holds you snug against his chest. He carries you further upwards and you close your eyes tight, trusting him. After a few more minutes of lurching and movement, you feel Mark settle down. Could you be on the rooftop? He places you in his lap, your back against his chest.

“Whoa, where’d you learn to scale buildings like that--?” The question dies on your lips as you open your eyes to look out to the view spanning before you. Mark tightens his arms around you.

From this vantage point above the library, your eyes follow the path of a crane as it takes flight from the palace pond. It glides upwards towards the western gate where the sun has already set with colors between lavender and forget-me-nots and into the forests. And further, the expanse of N City beyond the palace gates unfolds, lights glittering like fireflies. A river courses into a lake, the lake by your home that looks like a tear-shaped puddle from this distance. The stars are rising and Mark kisses your hair. The moment is perfect.

“Oh, I got something for you,” you tell him, trying to sound laid back. An excited anticipation bubbles up in your voice anyway. You turn in Mark’s hold so you’re facing him and straddling his lap, and you try not to notice how he has trouble shifting into a comfortable position. From Mark’s perspective, you’re very close and warm. He makes a poor attempt at composing himself and keeps one arm around your back, his free hand taking the little package you fish out of your pockets.

Renjun had said he could loan you one of his old ones from home, but you insisted he find you a new one and a nice one at that. It cost more of your allowance than it should, but Mark’s curious expression is worth more than every bright coin you owned.

He slowly unrolls the ink brush from its cloth wraps, jaw dropping in silence, admiring the smooth wooden handle and soft bristles. “For all the stories you will tell,” you breathe softly.

Mark’s mind is often filled with so many words, but right now he is rendered speechless. He carefully places the gift into a pocket of his own and draws you in to thank you with his lips.

The kiss starts sweet and strong like steaming honey citron tea, deepening when Mark tilts his head and brings his hands up to hold your face. When he tastes you with his tongue, it’s like the world around you fades to night and he is the only light you see. Mark shivers as you card your fingers through his hair. You lean in so you’re as close as possible, feeling aware of every part of you that’s touching, the heat blooming between you, his unmistakable excitement now pressing into you, and your hearts beating rapidly.

You tug on his collar, wanting to trail your kisses down the column of his neck and further, but Mark untangles himself from you and holds you at a distance. He swallows thickly. “I am a man of honor. Let me wed you first.”

“Mark, bed me…” You barely believe the words coming out of your own mouth, but you know you want him desperately. “Please.”

At your plea, his eyes grow wide, and then they narrow, swirling with desire. He makes a noise between a chuckle and a groan and moves to get to his feet. For a moment, a pang of rejection creeps into your chest, but Mark reaches for your hand to help you up too. He can’t believe how easy it is for him to give in to you, but he knows he wants you too, with his whole heart. “Come on then!” His smile is boyish and free, and you are quick to follow, treading carefully along the eaves and through a well-disguised door at the side of the roof. With you, Mark feels all the straight lines he has built up loosening into the loops and curls of ribbons. For you, he dares to step out for a new adventure.

Mark’s space above the library is plain. You spot a few scrolls and stacks of books, and you wonder whether his thoughts and writing fill the pages. You wonder what kinds of stories he has been reading lately. But those are questions for later. You fall first into the place where he sleeps and pull again at the fabric of his collar, until he’s almost lying on top of you. Mark is careful with his weight, holding himself up on his palms by your face, and he pauses to ask, “Do you trust me?”

“Completely.”

You try to pull Mark’s top off, but the sleeves get caught on his elbows, and you both giggle, momentarily breaking the heady rush you were in. Once he has peeled off the rest of his guard’s uniform, you stare unabashedly at how lean and toned he is beneath his clothing. With you, Mark realizes he doesn’t feel shy or embarrassed. He feels free to be goofy, to make mistakes, to be himself. He appreciates how you eagerly touch him. You trace a star-shaped scar on his chest and kiss the tiny moles on the side of his neck and near the corner of his lips.

There are too many knots and ribbons tied in a hanbok, Mark grumbles aloud. You shake with laughter because really, it’s more complicated to put on and pretty easy to remove. Slowly, he loosens the bow on your chest, admiring every part of you revealed, kissing your skin reverently, before pulling at the one around your waist and marveling more at the wonder of you.

It’s a bit drafty and cold when you’re unwrapped and bare under him, but Mark’s lips are soon emblazoned along your jaw, your neck, your shoulders. His fingers are hot as they dance across your skin, down your sides and dipping below, between your thighs and finding your desire for him evident. He reaches lower and trails a fingertip along your inner thigh. His touch is slow and light, drawing upwards toward your center. You realize he’s writing something on your skin when he whispers “love you” close to your ear, sealing the words into your heart. Mark’s finger trails upwards along your other thigh, tracing shapes and lines. And this time, he says “forever.”

Mark knows you’re eager and ready for more, so he lets you help guide his hand until he’s at the perfect spot. He begins to draw circles earnestly where you want him, watching you intently as you sigh in pleasure.

“Good?”

“Mm-hmm. Very.” You extend the “very” and your eyes flutter closed at the feeling. Mark’s so good as a person, as a friend, as a lover, that you’re almost overwhelmed by it all. He spells out his love for you, over and again.

When you reach for him after some time, longing to please him too, Mark simply moves his hands to hold yours in his own. He presses his body down closer to slide his length against you without entering you, and the both of you moan at the friction and new sensations. Heat courses through you, warm in your belly, right down to your toes, and back to your core again as he moves against you. Back and forth he rocks, your fingers clasping his more tightly, stars spinning above you, until you’re coming, coming undone beneath him, chanting his name. Mark slows down until you’ve caught your breath. He untangles his hands from yours to reach up and smooth the hair from your forehead.

“Will you have me?” You lift your hips in response to his question, digging your fingertips into his back, pulling him close.

“I’m yours.”

You let out a gasp as Mark presses the head of his cock into you. He’s careful and tender, kissing your breath away before moving to push in all the way. With effort, you open your eyes to look up into his. You hold each other and behold each other, connected from beginning to end. He drags along your warmth, languid and loving, and dives back in again.

Mark could write verses, he could write volumes, he could write songs about you.

˚·̩̩̥͙‧⁺˚*･༓☾　Five: Embroidery Needles　☽༓･*˚⁺‧·̩̩̥͙˚

Kim Doyoung immediately reports the missing contents of his storage shelves. Rose hips, cinnamon bark, and licorice root. Not to mention, the garlic, gingko, ginger, even ginseng! The contents that had vanished far outweighed what the palace guards who occasionally dropped in without notice could take. At first he thought it may be just that, but completing his personal annual inspection revealed otherwise. In retrospect, you should have known that Doyoung would be the type to measure and catalog all of his work. Perhaps you were getting too carried away in your fantasies, distracted by the romance of your dreams.

Doyoung doesn’t mean to be an exacting person; he is just an exact person. But he wasn’t always this way. The voices in his memories remind him why.

“Must’ve wasted them, feeding it to those beasts he keeps!”

“That little thief. Always thought he looked different from everyone else.”

“Glad he and his family were exiled.”

Hot tears well up just remembering it, and Doyoung bites the inside of his cheek to keep the anger down. His best friend in his younger years. Lee Taeyong. Taeyong who cared so much for life, for animals, large and small. Taeyong who once placed a tiny green frog in Doyoung’s palm. It scared Doyoung half to death, but Taeyong kept going on about how cute it was. When the queen’s herbal remedies had gone missing, there were no records kept at the time. The scheming political officials were quick to separate themselves from the situation, shifting blame on the innocent. Taeyong, their scapegoat, was branded as a thief and banished to hard labor. Doyoung vowed to catch the actual culprits next time. He would take careful notes and calculated steps if he needed to. He rose in the ranks as head physician over the years, hoping he could one day gain the power or connections to exonerate his friend.

Word travels to the crown prince about trouble with one of the court nurses stealing from the physician’s storeroom. Naturally, word gets to one the crown prince’s closest guards too.

Mark wants to understand, but he can’t afford to. His role is to guard the prince, and his team needs his complete focus and commitment, especially now. He had shown you his everything. His favorite spot to watch the sun set, his corner above the library, his innermost thoughts, his whole being. The hurt and betrayal felt bitter like poison. He thinks back to your chance encounter which he so treasured in his memories, now tainted with the thought that you might have been in the act of stealing that very night. His brows furrow and he doesn’t notice how tightly his jaw is clenched. He’s torn between following the rules which condemn you as a thief and siding with his personal knowledge of what you are like. He wants to talk with you, but he can’t seem to find you in all the usual spots. And now he hardly has the time to look for you with his new schedule. The palace guards have ramped up on meetings, and he’s exhausted from splitting time between all the units he’s in. Jungwoo’s sword nearly nicks his neck when Mark realizes how far his thoughts had wandered. The more he aches, the further he pushes into his training, exerting the pent up emotion in combat practice.

Prince Na, having lost his sister to spies from a neighboring kingdom in childhood, had no room for deceitfulness. It was merciful enough that Doyoung would be the one to deal with you directly.

“Sir, I… I’m sorry I tried making something new and overcooked it and threw it out. I’m willing to make up for it. I also got some of the ingredients mixed up. I’ll wash up all the bowls for the next month. I’ll gather the roots too! I promise, I--”

“I don’t need your excuses. I thought better of you.”

You hate to admit it, but his words stung. Doyoung had been like a mentor to you.

Doyoung knew you never mixed up the ingredients though. He knew you could probably identify them without even seeing them. And your new concoctions often became the best remedies, never failures. As much as he was angry, he was not one to be cruel. After probing further and finding no other double-dealing plots or secret orders you were following, he lets out a long sigh and tells you his next orders.

You should have been grateful that you weren’t sentenced to something more serious, but you would rather lose your bi-annual rice stipend than this. Or reorganize all the drawers to the picky head physician’s standards. Instead, you are relegated to beginning embroidery. Embroidery! Not allowed near the food or medicine, and in a completely opposite wing of the palace. Doyoung warns you that all the guards are informed and will be watching you.

Oh but there is one palace guard who must not want to see you. Since the news broke, you haven't seen him anywhere. No night time walks, definitely no night time views, only emptiness in your chest and no place to run.

Would Mark misunderstand that you were only skin deep with him? You know that isn’t it, but you also know you broke his trust. You are a thief, no matter the intentions, but you feel a tangled mix of shame, anger, frustration, and a sense of powerlessness that you cannot unravel. You think it might be better for him not to be associated with you after all. You wonder if he regrets meeting you.

You have to ignore the many new inquiries that Renjun tries to deliver to you, telling him it’s no longer safe to make the exchanges. Worry creases his brows when even his beautiful new drawing of the cosmos field you want to visit one day brings no change in emotion to your face.

You do your best to pore into your daily tasks, but it’s monotonous work, embroidery, with nothing more exciting than occasionally pricking yourself with a needle. You curse under your breath.

But what hurts most, perhaps, is the blank expression and emptiness in his eyes the one time you finally do catch sight of each other across a hallway. It’s brief, like two strangers passing. And as you haul bolts of silk upon your shoulder, you will yourself to think that it’s the burden of the weight and the sharp-pointed embroidery needles. Actually, you are quite certain what hurts most.

˚·̩̩̥͙‧⁺˚*･༓☾　Six: Fire　☽༓･*˚⁺‧·̩̩̥͙˚

It’s that nightmare again. You’re falling from the library’s rooftop and into a bottomless lake. Mark’s sparkling eyes turn wounded, guarded, cold. What happens next is plunging into utter darkness and a numbing freeze taking over your limp body. But this time, the dream takes a turn. The waters around you swirl, sweltering hot, and start closing in. Instead of a deafening silence, voices are screaming. You try to decipher what they are saying, kicking to tread water and struggling to stay afloat.

“To the West Gate! To the West Gate!”

You jolt awake. The commotion of your dreams collides with reality. You piece together the hazy outline of Doyoung’s figure past the doorway amidst smoke and chaos. He’s shouting instructions, pushing people in one direction. The palace is under attack.

Crawling on your knees and holding a sleeve over your nose and mouth, you make it to the courtyard. White-gray ash and embers flicker through the air and you fight to breathe. You can’t see anything for a moment, but the wind picks up, carrying the thick smoke away. You turn to take in your surroundings and you stop in your tracks at what you find. In the exact opposite direction to the throngs of courtesans fleeing, an orange glow is consuming the Eastern Palace and the library right next to it, dark plumes of smoke billowing out.

The words of love, of history, tales of wonder, poetry and promises. Burning.

There’s nothing you can do but to cry out, “Mark!” Your lungs burn, and you struggle to stand to your feet and shove against the bodies of those trying to escape. “Mark!”

The singing of arrows across the air brings your focus sharply back to your feet on the ground and you find that you are being pushed along with the crowds, dragged towards the West Gate. And then you are running, into the forest, aimless, with tears streaming down your cheeks.

˚·̩̩̥͙‧⁺˚*･༓☾ Seven: Healing, Again ☽༓･*˚⁺‧·̩̩̥͙˚

The bitter, earthy scent of herbal infusions fills the temporarily transformed gisaeng house where you are working. Several of the women are already well versed in medical care, and all are ready to help. The house sits in the center of N city, near the market, an area easy to access and luckily, untouched by fire and the following destruction.

Days feel like weeks and weeks feel like days with the new routine you suddenly find yourself in. Early morning rounds with cool compress cloths to treat the ones with burns, gathering the berries and calendula flowers before the sun got too hot, brewing teas in the afternoon, a hurried supper so you can continue your work before it got too dark.

The time is long, but the moon has grown from waning crescent to waxing gibbous again before you know it, with the many people that come and go after receiving the care they need. The citizens are healing, gaining strength to rebuild again.

It’s late one evening when you see from the corner of your eye, an unmistakable design on a visitor entering. Midnight black, silky fabric with the emblem of a dragon. The ladle in your hand clatters to the floor and you pull up your skirts to run to the entrance.

As you get closer, yes, it’s the gold embroidery, yes, it’s the palace uniform. But he’s taller in stature. He’s not the one you’re looking for. Your steps come to a slow stop. Jaehyun recognizes you immediately and is equally quick to spare you of the suspense.

“We haven’t seen him yet.”

When your knees give out, he holds onto you and lets your tears soak his clothing.

*:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧

It is a bizarre sight to see the crown prince enter town, not supported on a fancy palanquin but on the arms of Doyoung and Jeno, all in commoners’ clothing. You’re on the side of the street when you spot them, and you freeze in place before remembering to bow deeply. Jeno motions you to straighten. There’s no need to reveal identities, he whispers into your ear. Nodding with understanding, you help them to the house and find the nearest available space for Prince Na.

Word had spread that a powerful shaman was practicing in the center of town, but Doyoung had an idea of who that might be. He shares this with you with the slightest of gummy smiles. It took them a tumultuous journey to hide and travel safely, and it would take too much time to tell the tale. The prince’s health needs more immediate help first. You’re grateful the lost prince is alive, if not well, but the questions snowball in your mind, a thousand desperate thoughts begging to be answered. How did they escape? Did he survive too? But Doyoung explains the prince’s condition, symptoms, and what they’ve tried so far, and you need to pay utmost attention. Jaemin must have inhaled a large amount of smoke. His breathing is weak. He’s unable to speak. You fetch a jar of honey water to help with calming his cough and think of a few things that may reduce the swelling that must be inside his chest.

You learn from Jeno that the One Two Seven Squad is regathering. Though he doesn’t share many details, you read between the lines that what had happened was an unsuccessful coup. You hull soybeans while you talk, using low voices to avoid bothering the patients in your care, the water sloshing and providing cover for the classified information. Prince Na is asleep now, but Jeno’s gaze is fixed on him as he speaks.

Though the city is safe for now, he and the others are still on high alert. They would keep Prince Na hidden until they strategize their next move. You remember that Jeno used to train with Mark when they were younger, so you finally gather your courage to ask whether he heard any news, heart thumping hard.

“Ah, Mark… We parted ways just a few days ago.” Jeno’s voice always holds the most even, balanced tone. You can’t decipher what that meant.

“Parted ways?”

“Yes, he said he had somewhere he needed to visit.” You breathe out the breath that you had been holding, relief washing over you.

*:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧

If he could put it simply, you are a vision. Mark made his way back to the city in sorrow and disappointment, to where he knew his colleagues would bring the prince, not knowing it would lead to you. He had thought he lost you, just as you had thought you’d lost him.

Your back is to him, but he could identify your shadow anywhere. You have one palm against your forehead and the other on a child’s, checking her temperature. They call it your healing touch, your intuition, your experience, or your willingness to try, but for Mark, he knows it’s all your heart. He regrets ever doubting your intentions. He thought he was serving the kingdom, but all along, you… you were truly serving its people.

Mark waits until you’ve finished your work for the night, not unlike many nights before, in a different setting that feels so long ago with the events that had transpired. He knows you’ve found your place at last. One without rigid roles and gates to keep you back. He only hopes that he can be by your side again.

After whispering instructions to the nurse taking the next shift, you wrap your arms around yourself and rub them up and down for some warmth. You’re about to start on a brisk night time walk outdoors to clear your thoughts when he leaps from the rooftop and into your line of sight.

You think you may be delirious. But you amble towards the figure of Mark anyways until you’re standing right in front of him. You open your mouth to say the first thing on your mind, a heartbroken “I’m so sorry” on the tip of your tongue, but Mark doesn’t let you finish your sentence. He throws an arm around you. And when you circle your arms around him tightly and lean into him too, he kisses you full on the lips. You relish in the feeling: passionate, bold, connected once more. You open up and let him in. Then gently, he draws back to kiss your eyelashes, wet with tears, only stopping to murmur, “It’s okay, it’s okay. I’m here. I’m sorry I took so long to return to you.”

You move to press closer into his embrace but look down to find his left arm in the way, poorly wrapped and held against his chest. He is the definition of a hero and a protector, and you want nothing more than to be his healing balm from now on. “Oh, Mark… I’ll make it better. I promise I’ll make it better.”

“You will. I know you will.”

You have many questions and Mark answers as you walk together, the moon shining brightly above.

“Where’d you go these last few days?”

“To the lake. To your home. I didn’t know where to find you.” You look up at Mark in wonder, and he pulls you closer with the arm around your waist.

“The roads have been restored?”

“Partly.”

“How… how are they?”

“Your parents and the villagers are safe. They… we… I thought you were gone.” It’s your turn to give him a squeeze. “We can send them a letter first thing tomorrow morning to let them know you are well too.”

“How’d you get hurt?” You start to inspect him, touching his shoulder gingerly and feeling the muscle in his upper arm.

He turns sheepish and glances away. “I actually tripped and fell on my arm when saying bye to your parents. It was very embarrassing. Please don’t tell anyone!”

You stop in your tracks and shake your head in laughter, glad it wasn’t too serious after all. Then you are pulling on his shirt collar so he knows what you want. “At least it wasn’t your writing arm, I guess.”

He’s glad too. And he knows there will be many stories to write about, with you. Mark leans in to close the distance again. Because sometimes, often-times, kisses are even better than words, and kisses heal even better than medicine at midnight.

˚·̩̩̥͙‧⁺˚*･༓☾ the end ☽༓･*˚⁺‧·̩̩̥͙˚

Thank you for reading! Hope your heart is full of love and wonder, and that you may dream a little past what you believe is possible.

Writing references: Joseon female physicians uinyeo | historical drama/sageuk vocab | korean herbs 1 & 2

[mctcrcity]

˗ˏˋ @mctcrcity is an independent, multiverse & fandom-flexible, writing blog. written by j on tumblr, but now prioritizing discord 1x1 – she/her – 24 – EST

often found: in the eighties, trying to find herself, trying to find connection, trying to make it in the big city, trying, failing, trying again. 21+ strongly preferred, 18+ minimum.

📼 start here!

theme by eathemes. icons from the bear & bottoms by me using stephysources' caramel delites PSD, icons from theatre camp & omni loop by dresspheres. other graphics credited in tags, always <3

blogroll: @l-ivestudioaudience (21+, mainly canon-comprised multimuse)

001 GENERAL. - i don’t even know man, just be cool!

don’t hesitate to let me know if you need something tagged, you have a concern, anything. just reach out – i am a fan of communication! 

i haven’t been active in the tumblr RPC since 2017, so i’m still getting to know new norms, lingo, etc. – if i ever seem confused, it is not shade, promise!!.

002  STYLE & ACTIVITY.  - strong pref is multi-para/semi-lit to literate, but i also enjoy ask memes and other one-off type interactions! i also am always up for either rapid-fire/shorter-form or plotted, literate RPs through 1x1 servers on discord once we’ve plotted or built an established relationship between our muses. don’t ever feel like you need to match my length bar for bar, i get lost in myself a lot lol. i am a working, married, kid-and-cat parent so i may be slow to reply or miss things! 

003 FOLLOWING & PLOTTING. - upon following, i try to send a little interest message to show i’ve looked at your muse’s info or your muse roster (and your guidelines, verses, etc.). i try to have at least one muse in mind that i want to write fal against & a loose plot/intention i’d like to explore, but do tell if you have anyone in mind who you think might click better! i have some wishlist tags in my pinned if you ever want to get a vibe for what i’ve been huntin’ for. i prefer to work out a pre-established or semi-established relationship over a cold first meeting thread without any sense of where our muses’ relationships are heading, but i also like breaking the ice with ask memes!

004  SHIPPING. - i’m very comfortable with and love shipping! please ask first so we can bant/see if our muses have chemistry, but i am always willing to try! USFT is also very much fair game if you (the mun) and your muse are 18+, let's just talk it out first & i would prefer to have it happen on discord/off tumblr!

005   TRIGGERS AND TAGGING. - fallon’s plot/lore doesn’t inherently carry any triggers, but this is an adult muse written by an adult mun who has the potential and interest in some dark, mature plots. if specific plots/pairings i’m writing contain circumstances or content that’s triggering for you, just know that i always tag:

‘FALLON & [INSERT CHARACTER NAME]’ for pairings

specific verse tags

general/common CWs and TWs (stuff like blood, horror, emetophobia, etc.)

USFT/content that could be potentially USFT will be tagged plainly as ‘USFT’ for blocking and filtering purposes

if you want to avoid seeing certain content/curate your experience via blocking/filtering.

[seriesxwriting]

I can’t be without you

W Rafe Cameron💗

Series- outer banks

Summary- you and Rafe are family friends. And secretly in a relationship. But they make him believe he’s not good enough. Can you make him change his mind ;). The power of love can do a lot of things.

Warnings- swearing, kissing, arguing, mentions of sex.

••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••

*knock knock* “rafe? Do you have that paperwork your dad wanted?” Rose called through the door.

“Shit hide” Rafe pushed me off the bed in a hurry and I fell hard onto the shaggy cream carpet below. “your so dead Cameron” I scowled with half a smile before looking around at places to hide. “Where?” I hissed at him while he edged to the door.

“Rafe? Can I come in” rose cracked the door open but Rafe slammed it shut. “Two seconds” he yelled trying not to laugh, pointing at the wardrobe with wide eyes towards me. I bounced up in my shorts and bra and bolted it into rafes walk-in wardrobe. A few second later he opened the door for rose.

“Sorry I was just- changing” Rafe coughed letting her inside and then making his way over to his desk. “What you teenage boys do in your own time- I don’t need to know about” she frowned throwing her hands in the air in defence. “Here’s the paperwork- I filled it all out but there was an error on page thirty three” Rafe flicked through the pages with a stern look.

“What sort of mistake” rose looked confused and surprised that Rafe was taking his work so seriously. “The business stats are wrong here- the gross profit was a lot higher than this I remember ward saying so” “yeah that’s lucky you spotted that… that could have cost us” she raised her eyebrows taking the paper away from rafe.

He didn’t answer the compliment, I watched as he spun the silver ring on his index finger. “I’ll let ward know, hopefully he can sort it out before we have to leave for dinner with the y/l/n’s tomorrow” rose started making her way out of rafes room. “Oh and you will be nice to y/n huh? I’ve noticed she may have a little thing for you” rose swung on the frame of the door.

My ears perked up and red filled my cheeks “oh really” rafe started giggling looking at the floor. “Let her down gently” rose ordered with seriousness. Rafe ran his tongue over his lip will growing a smirk and an ego. “What makes you think I want to let her down” “I’m telling you rafe you let that girl down gently! your not relationship material you’ll just end up hurting her” she warned and with that she slammed the door.

Rafe rolled his eyes and sighed under his breath, I opened the door chewing my lip. “I’m glad we chose to keep this a secret” I told him pushing my hands up his chest. “none of them believe I’m good enough for you, why do you” Rafe questioned with an unsettled look. “Because they don’t know you like I know you” my hands wrapped round the back of his neck.

“Please don’t let them get to you hun, just know that I trust you”. But Rafe just blinked at the floor in deep thought, I’m not even sure he heard what I was saying. “Rafe” I called out drawing his attention to me “I don’t know y/n um- I think I just need some space right now” “o-okay, i can go I’ll call you in the morning” I backed away and went to pickup my top from off the side of his bed.

“I mean- for a while y/n, I need to think and I need to sort myself out- for you” “no Rafe- I don’t want or need you to sort yourself out there’s nothing wrong with you” I raced back over to him while threading my head through my top. “But I need to do it y/n- I can’t be with you if I can’t give you what you deserve” “Rafe please don’t do this please, who cares what they think this isn’t about them it’s about me and you”

“I don’t care about what they think of what they think isn’t true” Rafe started and looked down at me with his ocean eyes, I could see he was in pain though his eyes. “But I care because deep down I know it’s true I’m a bad person I’ve done bad things- hell I do bad things and your innocent y/n”. I’m sure he could now see the salty tears swirling in my eyes now.

“I cant believe in us if you don’t even believe in yourself” I shook my head walking towards the window that I used to sneak in and out. Not anymore and never again. “Y/n please say you’ll give me some time” Rafe begged walking after me “the only thing I can say rafe, is that I should have listened to rose… because you have hurt me” I sniffed sitting on the window steal and looking at the boy one more time.

“And maybe don’t come tomorrow- to my mums birthday dinner” “y/n” Rafe exhaled shaking his brown hair in disagreement. But I pulled myself up onto the ledge and climbed down the wooden ladder fixed to the wall. I could feel Rafe staring at me, watching the whole time. But I didn’t look back.

- the next day -

“Darling will you set the table the Cameron’s are going to be here soon- come on” my mum pestered me pushing slightly as she handed me the silverware and hanker chiefs. “What’s up with you?” Dad asked walking swiftly past me with the Crystal glasses. He started laying them out on the table in order. “I’m just not in the mood for company” I sighed beginning to set the table. “Well it’s your mothers birthday- can you at least pretend to be happy” he told me rather than asked.

The doorbell went off and echoed around the house. “Give me them hun- go get the door like a good girl” my dad snatched the things out of my hand speedily whipping them into place as I made the exit. My hand pulled down on our authentic golden handle and the Cameron’s all stood smiling holding presents and other things. Most of them stood smiling. Rafe stood at the back chewing the inside of his cheek.

“Hey y/n! Lovely to see you again sweetie” rose ran her hands through my ponytail before walking though like she owned the place. Sarah, Wheezie, ward and lastly rafe walked into the house. “You look lovely” Sarah beamed hugging me “as do you girl” I giggled closing the door. As I walked past rafe I whispered “I think I remember telling you not to come” “do you think I wanted to? I tried to get out of it” he hissed coldly.

My heart tugged and I felt my eyes starting to sting again. With that I turned, giving him a cold shoulder and directed myself into the kitchen. “What can i help with, need to keep busy” i exhaled standing next to my dad. “Oh i brought some wine for you y/m/n- rafes holding it, will you fetch it y/n?” rose pointed to the hallway with little attention. My teeth gritted together “tell everyone they can sit down we’re bringing the food out” my dad ordered too.

Sometimes I feel like no one really sees me. Like I’m just there another human to them, a helping hand something to boast about when I get an A star. Rafe was typing on his phone when I entered the hallway. “Where’s the wine? Your mums asked for it” my arms folded protectively around my body but Rafe didn’t even look up he just pointed to a bag on the floor. “Fucking child” I said under my breath when picking it up.

“How? When I talk to you, you don’t listen when I leave you alone I’m still wrong- if anyone’s a child it’s you I never broke up with you and your acting petty” “yeah well, I broke up with you” I told him sourly clasping the wine in my hands and finding rose to give it too. I then went to find the Cameron girls to let them know dinner was being served.

Everyone sat down a few minutes later, me and Sarah sat together to catch up and Rafe was last in so he was given a seat. opposite me. “This is beautiful y/m/n” ward chuckled shoving some beef into his mouth. “I’m sure everyone was really excited to come considering you say that about my mums food every time” I laughed to ward who nodded his head. “Especially rafe, he was first ready, first in the car” he told us. “Shouting we’re going to be late at eveyone” Wheezie added in.

My eyes landed on rafe just in time to see his eye roll. “Didn’t know you were so enthusiastic about coming to my house” I sarcastically turned to him “that was until I remembered how annoying your voice is” rafe didn’t look up at me. Oh game on mother fucker. “Oh! I’m so sorry rafe i forgot to set your place out with children cutlery- it’s never too late there’s some in the kitchen” I pointed, this got his attention.

“Will you both stop it” ward raised his eyebrows in a dangerous tone. This is how me and Rafe usually acted in front of family, until we both realised it was because we both liked each other. Then we carried it on to make sure no one would catch on but… but now we were back to square one. “So um y/n I heard your grades were pretty good this term”

“Yes I believe the key is having no friends or life” Rafe started up again but this time I brushed passed the comment. “Mm they were my best results yet, but let’s not talk about them in front of you know who- I know his grades weren’t all that- if you even call them grades”. Rafe gritted his teeth together with a tiny corner smile like he had something up his sleeve.

“Better to be honest about my grades then lie about how I got them- wouldn’t put it past you to be sleeping with a grown man examiner” my eyes widened with that low blow. “Rafe!” Rose squealed shocked. “I don’t think you have the right to be talking about sex rafe, a little birdy told me you don’t know what your doing” I smiled turning my head but Rafe scowled at me. That was an ego bruise.

“Guys I know you enjoy lobbing- insults at each other but you’ve had your fun now” my dad agreed staring daggers at us. “Seriously what’s gotten into you- this is worse than usual” ward shook his head. “Nothings going on, I just think Rafe is an immature, arsehole who let’s people push him around and doesn’t give a fuck about anyone’s feelings AND! Doesn’t let anyone come close to him because he’s too selfish to think about what he’s putting other people through” I said while looking him dead in the eyes.

He didn’t look away from me either. “He can’t be trusted because he has no loyalties to anyone” my eyes filled up watching his jaw clench. “Get up” he told me going to get up himself and strode out the door in a flash. “Go and sort this out y/n” my mum told me softly. “I don’t want to sort it out” I frowned “your lying get up” rafe appeared back in the door frame for a second before I saw him walk up the stairs. “Do I have a choice in the matter at this point” I sat back on the chair shaking my head at the situation.

“No” they all said at the same time, answering my rhetorical question. I did deep down Want to fix us but I didn’t see a realistic outcome where we were both going to be happy. Rafe didn’t want me and I wanted him, it can’t be solved. “Fine but nothing good is going to come out of this” I whispered underneath my breath making my hasty exit. I followed Rafe’s footsteps upstairs taking a good guess that he was in my bedroom. I slowly entered in silence watching rafe analysing my photos stuck on the wall.

“Do you remember this one?” He pointed at the picture in the middle of the board. Of course he was the center piece. “Of course I do, that was the day you got drunk on the beach and told me you loved me- I should have seen the red flag then” “I like this photo” Rafe said touching little me on the left side. His back was still facing me. “If you like it so much you can have it, I’ve been meaning to burn them” “will you give it a rest” Rafe shot around.

I bit my tongue facing the boy now. “I mean what you said down there- that was harsh, especially for you” Rafe started as he walked towards me. “Is that really how you feel” his arms tightened around his chest. “Yes” I said after a second. But my eyes drifted to the floor “some of it i dont know.. I said it all so fast I barely remember what was said” “really? Because I can quote it y/n” Rafe wondered to sit on the side of my bed. “I- don’t know what you want from me Rafe im hurt this is how I act when I’m hurt I’m- im angry I’m heartbroken”

“You don’t think I’m not?” “You instigated the break up your not the victim here” I stormed over nearer to him. “I wanted a break not a break up” “wanted?” I blinked a few times “past tense?” “Look- I’m not trying to be the victim y/n, I just wanted to give you what you deserved” “I don’t care about the details rafe! I don’t care what anyone else thinks- but I can’t trust you now”

“You said I had no loyalties. That stung the most because your one of the two people I’m loyal too- I’d never cheat on you, I’d never put you in danger or let anyone touch you- they’d be fucking sorry” Rafe raised his eye brows on the last part adding in emphasis. “And I’d never intentionally hurt you” he stood up closing the space between us. “I’ve been acting like this because I can’t stand to be around you if we’re not together- i don’t want you to change for me because I like this Rafe” a tear rolly-pollyed down my cheek.

Rafe wiped it off with his thumb “then let’s get back together because I can’t be without you y/n, your my now and my future and I’ve had enough of this fighting it felt too real” “it was real Rafe- but I’ve had enough too I just want us to go back to how we were” “me too because drunk words- are sober thoughts” Rafe threw in there. “W-what?” I questioned and notice him pointing to the picture of him drunk. The night he told me he loved me.

“R- What are you saying” “I’m in love with you and your the only girl I’ve ever wanted and ever will Want, please give me a second chance” “what’s changed? Since last night” “I have. A long time ago, when I first got into a relationship with you- I stayed away from girls, go to less party’s, do way less drugs” rafe explained to me “I believe in us and I believe I’ll do anything to save our relationship- because I realised I can give you everything you deserve- or at least I’ll try” he shrugged scratching the back of his neck.

I smiled quite big, it spread across my face like butter. “I want to give us another shot because I love you too Rafe- and I’m sorry I’m so sorry” I laid against his chest. “Don’t be- It’s all on me being naive” he played with my hair before I pushed my head up to meet his lips once again. I feared so much I’d never to that again, he made my whole body go warm and butterflies flutter in my stomach like I’d just met him. “We should get back” he whispered close to my face.

Rafe kissed my forehead and we were both beaming walking towards the exit hand in hand. “We’re still a secret though? For now right” I wondered up at him “one hundred percent yes” Rafe nodded his head in immediate agreement. “Perfect- your acting skils ready?” I whispered in his ear undoing our hands at the top of the steps.

“Mmh i was born ready for this” rafe whispered with a cheeky wink. “I’ve had enough i dont want to hear anything more from you rafe” I yelled walking down the stairs. “And you called me immature? Shouting and screaming like a five year old” Rafe laughed out loud.

“I take it you didn’t resolve the friendship” my mother turned and faced us. I looked over at Rafe who was silently laughing. “No we didn’t fix no friendship” he told them all sitting at the table in front of me. “We will never be friends again” Rafe shrugged tucking back into his food.

I couldn’t help but smile to myself, knowingly.

••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••

- for more like this🫶

[nights-legacy]

Spooked Teleportation-Todoroki

Full Masterlist MHA Masterlist

+Y/N has a ghost quirk that she does not have complete control over yet. Y/N is a relatively quiet girl that has been able to get close to Todoroki from the beginning. One day, during training, Todoroki spooks her accidentally causing her quirk activate out of her control, teleporting them somewhere. This cause her to over use her quirk.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“Oi! Spectra! Do you have your part of the project on you?” Bakugo yelled across the room. I lifted my head up from Todoroki’s desk and thought for a second.

“Yeah I do.”

“Good. I need to check on something. Give ‘em to me.” He walked over to my desk with his hand out. I shared a look with Todoroki who rolled his eyes.

“Give me a second.” I turned around and dug into my bag before finding it. I handed it to him and he turned around, walking away. I chuckled before turning back to Todoroki. He was working on his homework and I just watched as he wrote stuff down.

“What?” He asked, darting his eyes up to look at me before looking back at his paper. I shool my head meaning nothing. He nodded before focusing on his work. I was naturally quiet so he accepted my answer. I was also really bored so I started to mess with my ‘ghost magic’ as Bakugo calls it, making a pen float around.

“Doot do-do.” I messed around. I made the pen do tricks in the air, not really paying attention to much else.

“L/N.” Todoroki called gently. I jumped with an eep and the pen dropped right on his paper, where he was writing. I covered my mouth as he immediately stopped writing. He looked up at me again through his eyelashes.

“Sorry.” I yelped. A smile broke out on his face before he chuckled setting down his pencil.

“Having fun?” He asked, leaning on his arms looking at me. I smiled, dropping my hands into my lap. I laughed, blushing and nodding. He shook his head before picking up the pen and holding it out to me. I nodded and he dropped his hand, the pen staying in midair. “There we go. It’s good practice.”

“Thanks.” I leant on his desk again and with both went back to what we were doing. I was lost in my playing until someone else spoke up.

“You know it’s sexy when you use your quirk.” Mineta popped up next to me. I yelped, sending the pen flying and looking down at him.

“Hey, who threw that?” Kaminari yelled.

“I mean it’s really, really attractive.” I looked at him appalled and embarrassed. He was staring at me intently. I looked between him and Todoroki before disappearing from the room completely. I teleported to the hallway, shaken and uncomfortable. I heard yelling in the room from Bakugo, Kirishima, and Todoroki before I heard Mineta scream in fear.

“Maybe you should chill for a minute or two.” I heard Todoroki saw and I covered my mouth to not burst out laughing.

“You can come back in, L/N.” I looked to my left and saw Aizawa-sensei stepping out of the doorway. I nodded and ghosted back in. I laughed when I saw Mineta ‘chilling’ in a block of ice. I looked at Todoroki but he was just casually sitting there doing his work again.

“Wow.” I whispered before turning towards Kami. “Sorry, Kaminari. I didn’t meant to chuck the pen at you.” His head popped up and whipped around towards me.

“It’s alright. I understand!” He said before tossing the pen back to me.

“Okay class. Go get changed and head out to the training fields.” Aizawa instructed. We all started putting away our things before getting up to leave. “Oh and Todoroki, you may want to thaw out Mineta so he can join us. Just a thought…a mild suggestion.”

“Alright.” A thud of his body hitting the floor made a wet plop. He groaned out before getting up himself.

The rest of our day was spent with one on one training or by ourselves. Back and forth really. I was just happy Mineta was leaving me alone. I spent most of time by myself since I still didn’t completely trust my quirk. I was standing messing with my energy beam, ray thingy. I was get frustrated and tired. I took a breath to try and calm myself. I was just about to try again when a hand was placed on my shoulder.

“L/N, do you need…”

“Ahh!” I got scared and accidentally teleported. As soon as I landed and was solid again, I felt the other person was still with me. I felt them stumble before gaining their balance just as I collapsed.

“Hey, hey.” Someone caught me before I hit the ground. My head was spinning and I couldn’t see straight but I could see red and white hair. Todoroki moved us both to the ground, setting my head in his lap. My vision and head cleared but exhaustion set in. “Are you alright?”

“I’m exhausted. I just…” I set my hands on my head. I couldn’t form words very easily right now. I looked up at him and saw worry in his eyes.

“Okay, sh. Just rest.” He said, looking around us. I did too to see that we were nowhere near the school.

“Shit, I’m sorry Todoroki.” I apologized, silently chiding myself.

“Stop.” He said. I looked up at him surprised and confused. “I know what you are thinking and you need to stop. This isn’t your fault and it’s not that bad.”

“Yes it is. I should have been able to control my quirk.” I said sitting up. I got up to my feet but my knees gave and my head spun again. I felt Todoroki grab me before I could even start to fall. He brought me down into his lap, setting my head on his shoulder.

“Stay down.” He said before checking me over entirely. “What has you so exhausted? I have never seen you act this way over your quirk like this.”

“I have never teleported more than myself. You with me took a lot out of me I guess.” I told him feeling my whole body grow heavier with the exhaustion. “Todoroki, I’m feeling really tired.”

“Rest.” That was all he said before he pulled out his phone. I didn’t completely listen but could tell he was calling Aizawa-sensei. I was half asleep when I heard someone walk up on us. I opened my eyes to see Aizawa kneeling next to us.

“Are you both alright?” He asked. Todoroki answered and explained what had happened. They both helped me sit up before standing. I held onto both of their arms as they walked me to a car. My exhaustion wasn’t getting any better and before I knew it I was passing out, falling into Todoroki.

I awoke some time later in my own bed in my dorm. I yawned as I sat up looking around. I noticed the night sky out my balcony doors. Another thing I noticed was that the balcony doors were open, curtains billowing in the breeze. I got up and took a few steps towards it to see the bi-colored haired boy leaning against the railing.

“Todoroki?” He looked over his shoulder at me.

“You’re awake.” He turned towards me as I came out. “How are you feeling?”

“I have a small headache but otherwise I’m okay.” I said, leaning on the railing myself. I took a big breath looking up into the stars. “Thank you for helping me. That was kind of scary.”

“It was my pleasure. You are my friend. I would never let anything come to hurt you.” He said. I smiled before jumping at the sound of Bakugo’s voice yelling.

“DEKU!”

“My god.” I looked at Todoroki with a chuckle. “He is on the other side of the building and two floors up yet we can still hear him. That’s hilarious.”

“Very much. I have to hear that all the time though.”

“Oh that’s right. Your room is above his.” I sucked in air and gave him an apologetic look. “Sorry.” He shrugged.

“I have learned to block him out quite easily.” He said before we fell into comfortable silence, listening to the sound of the city beyond the school gates. “You scared me today. I thought you were seriously hurt. I was…worried.” He reached out and grabbed my hand, pulling me closer. His gaze was on my hand while he rubbed circles with his thumb.

“You were worried about me?” I said.

“Mm-hmm.” He nodded. He held my hand tighter. “I care very much for you.” He brought my hand up and kissed it. “So much.”

“Todoroki…” I whispered before smiling and blushing. I looked down before setting my head on his shoulder. I threaded my fingers threw his to intertwine our hands.

“I should get back to my room and let you rest some more. I just wanted to make sure you were alright.” He said softly. I sighed.

“Alright but…can we stay like this for a little longer?” I looked up at him through my eyelashes. He smiled.

“Of course but only for a little longer.” He said wrapping his arm around me. “It’s a little cold out. I need to keep you warm.” He said as I tucked my head under his chin. I sighed and nodded, relaxing into his arms.todo

[cockroachmotherfucker10]

PRIDEFALL UPDATE: real or fake?

What is Pridefall?

Operation Pridefall, also known as Project Pridefall or simply Pridefall, refers to an attack planned by /pol/ (a political discussion board on the anonymous website 4chan) for all of June, AKA Pride month. The original 4chan thread, which has since been deleted, was primarily focused on “redpilling,” i.e. spreading queerphobic propaganda to make people question the LGBTQ+ community. However, now that it has spread outside 4chan, there are threats of harassing, doxxing, and outing queer people (especially minors) on social media, spamming gore and rape videos in private messages and Pride tags, and even kidnapping, assaulting, or killing queer people in real life.

Specific targets include Twitter, Instagram, TikTok, and dating apps. The goal is to go after smaller accounts so the queerphobia isn’t lost in the comments.

Is Pridefall real?

Yes and no.

I searched “pridefall” on 4chan last night. Apparently any new threads on it are being deleted, and anytime someone mentions it, everyone calls them slurs and says no one is doing it.

However, Pridefall is gaining some traction on Instagram--I have seen it for myself. I don’t have TikTok or any dating apps, but I’ve heard that some people are spamming homophobia on TikTok. As for Twitter, I only looked briefly, but I saw some Pridefall accounts there, as well as a lot of warnings and blocklists from people who are worried about it.

I’ve also heard that there have been a few Reddit and Discord raids, and that there is an Operation Pridefall Discord server (someone who spied on them says they have been banned on Discord as well as a platform called Riot before, so very few people are left on the Discord server now).

What do you think, Lia?

This is not coming from 4chan. No one on 4chan is interested anymore.

Most likely, people outside of 4chan heard about it and decided to take matters into their own hands.

The original 4chan thread wanted to make Pridefall “normie-palatable” by avoiding Nazi imagery or other overt unpleasantness, but I have seen a LOT of both on Instagram. This reinforces my belief that 4chan isn’t doing this.

A lot of the people behind this are young, or at least unsophisticated. Most of the Pridefall accounts on Instagram engage in very childish trolling, and one of them said they were a minor. Some of the threats I’ve seen are so outlandish that I can only imagine they came from a fairly young person.

My guess? Most of these people are around 13-19.

There are also very few of them and some of them probably have multiple accounts. Anti-Pridefall accounts outnumber them by far.

However, on Instagram I’ve seen Pridefall accounts following each other and commenting on each other’s posts, so there may be a few groups working together.

A lot of this shit is going to get deleted. I know Instagram is working through reports very slowly right now because they have fewer people available due to COVID-19, but most of the worst accounts I saw last night were deleted by this morning. I saw some more accounts deleted today.

Most, if not all, of these Pridefallers are just trying to scare us. Because they’re probably quite young, there’s very few of them, their accounts keep getting deleted, and law enforcement can track online activity, there is no way they have the balls or resources needed to coordinate major attacks.

There is a very, very slight chance this could spill over into real life, but as long as you practice basic online safety, you will be fine.

That being said, if you are threatened or doxxed by a Pridefall account, PLEASE contact the police. Better safe than sorry.

I do think that the threat of being doxxed or outed is more real than the threat of being attacked. I have already seen one Pridefall account who posted a trans boy’s address on Instagram (he is okay, he posted recently) and another who posted someone else’s address.

There is little chance this will last throughout Pride month. Apparently the goal is for Pridefall to worsen until the end of June, but given that this is most likely just some vastly outnumbered teenage trolls who are bored in quarantine, I seriously doubt they’ll be able to stay interested for a whole month.

This might not be as big on Tumblr. Tumblr is a lot more anonymous than, say, Instagram, which will hopefully deter would-be doxxers. It’s also known to be a highly liberal and queer-friendly site, so any Pridefaller with half a brain cell should know that A) their content is sure to be outnumbered and reported (only us Tumblr users know how bad staff is at deleting questionable stuff), and B) anyone with the original goal of “redpilling” is sure to fail here. Plus, I only remember seeing few, if any, mentions of Tumblr on Pridefall planning threads.

Still, expect to see some Pridefall activity here. Unsurprisingly, not all of these Pridefallers have half a brain cell. Some of them will definitely be unable to resist the lure of a community as openly queer as Tumblr, and we’ve all seen or heard about doxxing, harassment, gore, Nazis, and queerphobes on here. Also, 4chan has historically had some beef with Tumblr, so young teenage boys who idolize 4chan may target us for that reason.

How can I stay safe?

If you have any social media accounts where you A) have posted identifying personal information, and B) are openly supportive of the LGBTQ+ community (especially if you’re queer yourself), put them on private for June. Any other accounts are probably fine to stay public.

If you need a private Tumblr, you can make a password-protected secondary account and only share the password with mutuals you trust.

It is probably okay to be openly queer on a private account (e.g. have pronouns/rainbow emojis in your Instagram bio), since a private account is not likely to be doxxed. But if you want to be extra careful, remove queer identifiers from anything that is publicly visible.

Use Pridefall blocklists. They’re all over Instagram and Twitter. I may repost some here.

Report any Pridefall accounts you see. This is VERY important because this is how we can actually get rid of Pridefall content.

DON’T RESPOND TO ANY PRIDEFALLERS WHO PERSONALLY INTERACT WITH YOU. I know it’s tempting to give a snarky reply, but if they message you, comment on your post, etc, just block them. Seriously, don’t feed the trolls. It's exactly what they want.

Make sure your password game is strong. Use a different password for every site (I know, I know, it sucks), and use passwordmeter.com to test their strength. Write them all down on a piece of paper.

Make sure your username game is strong. Don’t use the same username for multiple sites, and avoid putting personal information in your username, such as your name or birthday.

Do NOT open random links!! Pridefallers could message you links that will give you viruses or track your IP address.

Don’t accept DMs or follows from people you don’t know. Pridefall accounts don’t always look like Pridefall accounts. Some of them are undercover.

Use a VPN. This is probably a little overkill unless you’re particularly at risk of being doxxed, but it will hide your IP address.

Be careful who you interact with. A lot of queer people on Instagram are DMing Pridefall accounts or commenting on their posts, but this could make you a target. As helpful as anti-Pridefall accounts are, you might even be targeted for following those.

Be wary of Pride tags. Unfortunately, a lot of Pridefall accounts plan to infiltrate tags commonly used by queer creators during Pride month. Use discretion when looking for queer content.

Be safe IRL. Lock your doors, lock your windows, be aware of your surroundings, don’t walk alone in poorly lit places, know basic self-defense, etc. Again, I absolutely do not think people will be attacked in real life, but you should be doing this shit all the time, not just in June. Thanks to COVID-19, you’re safer inside anyway!!

Make yourself hard to dox. Even though I have a very unusual first name (it's not really Lia), I am extremely hard to find online. I just went into an incognito browser window and searched my first and last name in quotation marks, but I didn’t find myself until page 4 of Google (and that result wasn’t even posted by me). I’m only half as careful as I could be, but here’s some of the things I do:

-I never use a picture of myself as my profile pic, except for Facebook and Instagram, which are both on the highest privacy settings possible.

-If I post identifying information on a public account (my college, my age, etc), I use a pseudonym or my first name only.

-On Instagram, I only use my first name, and I used special characters to type it, so you won’t find me if you search my name.

-On Facebook, I only accept friend requests from people I know. Most, if not all, of my Instagram followers are IRL friends, friends of IRL friends, and trusted Internet friends.

-If I’m really being paranoid, I’ll make a brand-new email account to sign up for a site. That way, my accounts aren’t all linked through one email address.

-Before I post a picture online, I delete the EXIF data with verexif.com, since EXIF data can hold GPS coordinates.

🌈 Stay safe, everyone.

You will not be harmed. You will be okay. Like cockroaches, we are survivors, and we will get through this!! ❤️🧡💛💚💙💜

-Mod Lia

[more-than-a-princess]

Just dropping in a note to say that you, Rae, are particularly cool and fun to write with. I hope youre having a good one. Or else.

Unprompted OOC asks - It's Munday go wild (but not too wild)!

Just going to hold up a mirror and make you repeat that back to yourself...

In short, thank you for your compliments and I'm giving them right back at you in return! Accept them, or I'll need to start sending you random asks.

As far as my day goes: work is mostly chill, just a lot of it. I mostly want some replies back from businesses I'm giving cosplay commissions to: a sketch of an upcoming outfit, in particular. And a few more wig fiber swatches so I can decide on some colors for pre-styled wigs.

Other than that, I need to:

finally catch up on the Harry & Meghan Net.flix docu-mess. I'm already a big fan of documentaries and royal history from around the world, past and present. Also, from what I've seen, it looks awful. Still, Net.flix is blessing me with a new season of Em.ily in Par.is and a new Kn.ives Out film this month, so I can't be too mad at it.

force myself to finish reading He.ir of Fi.re by Sarah J. Maas. I understand I really should read this series prior to starting Cr.escent Ci.ty but. For real: WHEN DOES TH.RONE OF G.LASS GET GOOD. She started it when she was a teenager and it shows, but the writing just jumps around too much for my taste and I don't really like any of the characters yet. Just give me more ACOTAR plzkthx. I'm tempted to just start From Blo.od and Ash by Jennifer L. Armentrout or Kin.gdom of the Wic.ked by Kerri Maniscalco instead, but I'm also determined to get through everything Maas first.

Plot to cook for my husband a bit next week once we both have some time off work! I'm probably going to make french onion soup for him at least, with a quiche, salad, and fresh baguette croutons topped with gruyere. I love stews and soups this time of year. We may get out our indoor home grill for at-home Korean BBQ.

Reply to our thread with Sonia and Zeyrfial! I've left it as the last thing to write currently as I've been debating how I want Sonia to respond. Beyond annoying a demon: that's a guarantee.

Plot with some mutuals who have requested RP plots. This is a good day for plotting for me, once I reply to that last thread!

And uh: not check the mailbox every hour. Treated myself to some new clothes, a few new posters, and new candles for my recent work anniversary. Etsy is a wonderful, dangerous place for everything fandom. I'm used to just going there for costume materials/commissions!

[remnants-rps]

it's me, hi.

a b o u t

alias: t.

pronouns: she/her.

timezone: pst.

age: 21+

obviously, i am older than a lot of people in the community. that being said, i was an avid rper back in the early 2010's through about 2016. i took a long hiatus to finish college, and really truly lost inspo after graduating. i'm back now, though, hehe.

(read guidelines & rp info under the cut)

g u i d e l i n e s

i can't stress enough that i am older than a lot of people in the community lol. because of that, i have a hard rule of not rping with anyone younger than 21.

i am in pst. i work full time, but have flexibility in my availability with my job, so my responses could range anywhere from 10am-7pm pst.

while i have flexibility in my availability, i would like to make it clear that i function off of inspo. this means, i may not always reply right away. it might also mean i respond in a few minutes. and i extend this method to my writing partners. writing with me means riding on the no stress express.

i am not in the business of writing smut (no matter the age of my writing partner). i like to look at it as giving my spicy writing a rating of pg-13. i'm totally fine alluding to those scenes, but i will definitely 'cut to black' after anything remotely close to second base. on this same vein, i will not write incest, either.

_ * _ * _ * _ *_ * _ *_ * _ *_ * _ *_ * _ *_ * _ *_ * _ *_ * _ *_ * _ *_ * _ *_ * _

r p i n g

I prefer rping on discord (it's less of a hassle than creating tumblr accounts), and use tupperbox for my characters.

my favorite things in the world are mumus. i love creating little circles of characters that all know/know of each other.

i only write oc x oc. you won't find any canon/fandom characters here.

i am comfy writing m or f, but require that my partner match 1:1 for every male i play. this might be dated, but it goes a long way in making me feel like i am not being used for my males lol.

i prefer m x f or f x f ships, if our plot is relationship based.

i write in third person/past tense, but have no issue writing with different tenses so long as it's third person.

my writing tends to be on the longer side (as much as i try to keep things short). that being said, i never expect my writing partner to match my length, and instead encourage them (and myself) to write what feels right to keep the thread going and moving.

i'm open to most plots! here are some of my faves: apartments, covens/supernatural, science-fiction/apocalypse, slice of life, breakups, & basically anything that has the potential for a lot of emo pain lol.

take a look at the fcs i love to play and the fcs i long to play against. these are definitely flexible, and i do a poor job of keeping these updated, so i'm always up to discuss options!

_ * _ * _ * _ *_ * _ *_ * _ *_ * _ *_ * _ *_ * _ *_ * _ *_ * _ *_ * _ *_ * _ *_ * _

all right, that's it for me. hmu if you think we'd vibe based on the above!

[ilikefandom]

Eight Months

Request: Severus is doing crazy stuff to cope with Lily’s death and Y/N is starting t worry taht he would go insane?

Requested by: Anon

Genre: Fluff and Angst

Synopsis: (Y/n) hasn’t seen Severus in eight months

Pairing(s): Severus Snape x Fem Reader, Lily x James (mentioned)

Warnings: Greif, angst, sad

It had been eight months. Eight whole months and (Y/n) was starting to become concerned. Severus was her best friend and it was so unlike him to write to her every few months. 

She had been swamped with work at St. Mungo’s and couldn’t seem to find the time to write to him and ask. So, after a twelve hour shift at the magical hospital, (Y/n) changed into some muggle clothes and made her way to Spinner’s End.

Thinking back to the time she had met Severus, as a terrified third year, bumping into the disgruntled fifth year, spilling her books all over the floor. He had stopped and helped to pick them up. Giving her a slight smile, before he disappeared into the courtyard with his friend, Lily. 

She had followed him out into the courtyard and saw how the four Gryfindors had tormented him and during the scuffle, a sickening crack had echoed throughout the closed yard. (Y/n) rushed to Severus as Lily screamed at the Marauders for hurting him while (Y/n) pulled her wand and pointed it at Sev’s broken wrist.

Whispering a healing charm under her breath (Y/n) fixed Severus’ hand and the surrounding tissue. He had looked at her, eyes wide, as she smiled at him, helping him stand. 

Through the years, (Y/n) and Severus had become closer, even when he left Hogwarts, two years before she did, they remained close and wrote to each other almost every day. He wrote to her when his mother died, when his dad died, and when he received the invitation to Lily’s wedding.

That parchment was soaked with tears and ink blots. She cradled that letter to her and she felt the pain that Severus felt when he had read that invitation. She felt it every day she read Lily’s name in the letters that he had set her. She felt it in the way that he would cry on the parchment, the same way she did, imagining herself in Lily’s place in life.

When she had graduated from Hogwarts and began her career as a healer, she began to hope that, once the war was over, Severus could love her the way he loved Lily. 

On a dark Halloween night, the war ended, but not the way that (Y/n) wanted it to. Lily and James Potter had died and their son, Harry Potter, had defeated Lord Voldemort. She was pained to hear that the Potters were dead, but relieved that the wizarding war was over. 

It had been eight months since then and (Y/n) couldn’t think of anything else to do, but visit the man she had loved since forever. As she pulled her cloak closer around her shoulders she reached the door that she had seen for summers beforehand.

Pausing for a minute to catch her breath she rapped on the door with a closed fist. 

For two and a half minutes she stood there, alone. An eternity before a tall, dark haired, man towered over her in the doorframe. 

“Severus,” (Y/n) whispered, “are you quite alright?”

The Slytherin alum scoffed, leaning on the side of the door. “Does it look like I’m alright (Y/l/n).” He hissed.

“No, you look awful.” (Y/n) shot back and, seeing the hurt in his eyes apologised.

Severus waved his hand, allowing the younger witch to step inside. “No need to apologise. You speak the truth, (Y/n).”

“Severus, how long has it been since you cleaned your house?” (Y/n) asked cutting him off. She brought out her wand and flicked it. The dust disappeared and the room tidied itself up, as did the rest of the house, as it shuddered a bit with the force of the magic. 

Severus huffed out thanks and made his way to the armchair near the fireplace. (Y/n) followed and sunk onto the couch opposite the chair. “When was the last time you went outside Severus?” She asked as she picked at a loose thread on her sweater.

“Why do you make a point of asking stupid questions?” Severus sneered before picking up a copy of the Daily Prophet and opening it, hiding his face in its vast pages.

“I ask because I care about you, Severus.” (Y/n) said, tilting her head.

A few moments of silence echoed in the room and (Y/n) shifted in her seat. “I know you loved her Severus. But I think it’s best if you…”

“What? Let her go?” Severus interrupted, crossing his arms across his chest. “How can I bear to do that?” 

(Y/n) sighed and gripped her face in her hands. “Accept that she’s gone, Severus. And accept the facts that you know, she didn’t love you in that way.”

Tears were pouring down Severus’ cheeks as (Y/n)’s words hit him. “And I suppose you know everything about unrequited love then!” He shouted, anger blazing through his tears.

(Y/n) looked back up at him, tears streaming from her eyes as well. “I think I do, because I loved you, for years, and it was always, Lily this, Lily that, Potter has stolen her from me, blah blah blah!” 

Severus was taken aback as she looked at him, eyes ablaze, spilling the feelings that she had bottled up for years. “I loved you and you didn’t love me. You loved Lily. I know you never loved me, so I told myself I would be the best friend that I could be. Maybe it’s the grief over her dying that you can’t get over yet, because if you died I would be tearing myself apart, like you have tried to do.”

“(Y/n).” Severus said, “Please.”

“I know the reason I came over here was to see that you weren’t dead!” (Y/n) spat, silencing Severus in shock.

“(Y/n)?” He asked, surprise cutting through any anger that he may have felt.

“I knew you might do something stupid in your loss, trust me, I’ve seen so many people do stupid things at my place of work. But don’t you dare tell me, for one minute, I don’t know anything about unrequited love.”

With her rant over (Y/n) took a deep breath. “So don’t do anything stupid, I don’t wnat to live on this Earth without you.” She, once again bundled herself in a coat and left the house into the cool July night.

Severus, still speechless, sank further into his chair, tossing the paper into the fire he relaxed once more, the clean room leaving a trace of lemon. “She loves me?” Severus asked himself into the open air of the room. A smile gracing his face for the first time in over a year.

Author’s Note: I hope you enjoy this one shot readers! Please request, ask questions, reblog and dm if you want to roleplay! I’m always open to questions as OCs as well as myself.

[hailbop1701]

@friendlybelladonna picked prompt #76!

Fandom: Star Trek AOS

Type: X Reader

Frequent Flyer

Word Count: 1,298

BonesXRedaer (Star Trek AOS)

Yay prompt Wednesday everyone! This was pretty fun to write though I don't know if I got the original mood I wanted. I hope you all enjoy it anyway! As usual no beta so typos will be present.

-H❤🖖

“I’m honestly not hurting myself on purpose just so I can see him,” you grumbled from the biobed Christine Chapel helped you onto. The nurse looked at you unconvinced with her hands on her hips; she is one of your closest friends and had immediately seen who you had a little crush on.  

“Right and the flirtatious banter you two seem to have is-”

“Is nothing. The banter isn’t flirtatious,” you said mostly just to convince yourself. Christine laughed and rolled her eyes.

 

“Okay (Y/N) you know the drill,” she sighed. You took several deep breaths so the bed and Christine's tricorder could measure your heart rate. Several of the usual checks were made before they brought a doctor in to officially look at your arm. 

The Red Alert had died down quite a while ago and you had avoided sickbay for as long as you could but you knew for a fact that your arm was broken and the burn was already getting infected. “Hello (Y/N),” the voice of Geoffrey M’Benga reverberated around the small exam room. 

You looked up and gave the doctor a small but mildly disappointed smile, “Hey Geoff,” 

M’Benga returned the sad smile and shook his head in mild exasperation, “What are we going to do with you my dear girl? This is the fourth time this month,” he said gently, taking your arm. You scowled at your scuffed boots, cheeks red with embarrassment. Picking at your uniform you avoided looking at the two caregivers in the room. 

“I-” you began but the sound of loud frustrated footsteps cut you off mid -explanation. 

“Again?” a southern voice drawled from the doorway, you ducked your head cheeks becoming redder than before. Clearing your throat you looked up through your lashes at the ship’s CMO, 

“In my defense, the ship was getting hit like a pinata and that hot pipe technically shouldn’t have been there,” you said cheekily. Doctor Leonard McCoy gave you a stern look, while M’Benga smirked as he readied a hypo. 

“That was four hours ago, why did you wait so long to seek medical attention Ensign?” McCoy barked out his frustration growing. You bit your lip trying to come up with a better reason than ‘because you make me nervous and I’m a complete chicken,’ 

“Well sickbay seemed a bit busy and I figured if I’m gonna wait may as well be useful so I continued working-” 

The silence was almost deafening. You could feel the tension and it wasn't the good kind either. 

“I’m making it worse aren’t I?” you asked nobody in particular. Christine and M’Benga both hummed in agreement, almost feeling bad for you. 

“Geoff, Chris can I have a moment with Ensign (Y/L/N)?” McCoy’s voice was tight, his eyes never leaving your face; which was red as your uniform. M’Benga set the bone regen aside and got up from his stool, he caught your eye and winked. Gritting your teeth you glared at his retreating back. Christine gave you a cheeky smile and subtly motioned for you to breathe as she walked through the open exam room door. It hissed shut behind her leaving you and McCoy alone in the cramped space. 

“How much trouble am I in?” you asked anxiously. McCoy sighed and sat down heavily on the empty stool by your bed. He reached over and grabbed the bone regen and gently placed it over your arm. 

“Fourth time this month (Y/N) what’s going on?” he asked, trying to meet your eyes. You avoided his gaze as much as possible but he was persistent. Biting your lip again you glared at the biobed monitor when it showed that your heart rate increased. 

“I don't know what's wrong with me,” 

“Come on (Y/N) you’re not just coming in here to see my pretty face,” McCoy teased dryly while he skimmed through your medical file. You chuckled humorlessly, ‘Uh well, about that,’ you thought with a snort.  

McCoy looked up from his PADD at your very unladylike snort. Setting the device down he leaned forward making you want to lean back or at least get your heart under control. Your cheeks flared again and the twitch of McCoy’s lips was almost unnoticeable. 

"Well, if you're going to keep ending up here you may as well call me Leonard. You make me call you (Y/N) after all" 

“Leonard,” you tested the name carefully before nodding. Leonard smirked after you said his name like he enjoyed the sound of it coming from you. He pulled a tray full of supplies over to his side and picked up a hypospray, 

“Your burn got infected, I want to give you some antibiotics to help clear it up,” 

You nodded and tilted your head to the side so he could get to your neck. Leonard brushed your hair away and gently injected you with the medicine. He rubbed the injection site easing the sting, “Are you in any pain?” Leonard asked, eyeing your fluttering heart rate. 

Huffing out a breath you shook your head, “No I’m just-I have to get back to being a klutz in engineering. Thanks for patching me up again,” you hopped off the bed only wobbling for a second. Leonard grabbed your elbow to steady you an order to stay already on his lips. 

“I’m fine, you’re fine, we’re all fine and not-damn it stop looking at me like that!” you growled. Leonard smiled fully at that, 

“Like what?” he asked innocently knowing exactly what you meant. 

“Like I dunno! Like you want to…” you spluttered trailing off. Scratching the back of your neck you looked away trying to find the right words, sighing at your scrambled brain you did the only thing that could get your point across. Grabbing him by his blue shirt you pulled him forward so he was almost off the stool he was sitting on,

“Like this,” you breathed before capturing his lips with your own.

 You let him go after a minute, red-faced you looked up. He had a look of complete surprise and a stiff posture; you immediately regretted your actions. Rejection coursed through you as you back away toward the door, 

“Now that I made it weird, I’m going to make my exit,” you said hitting the door control so they hissed open. Halfway out of the room you felt a hand grab your uniform and a strong tug pulled you backward. Yelping indignantly you found yourself in the exam room again and the door firmly closed.  

“Wha-” 

You were pressed up against the wall by the biobed with his lips on yours. Gasping into his mouth you reached up and threaded your hands into his hair. Leonard took that as an invitation to explore your mouth as he moved his hands to your hips. 

Pulling back Leonard rested his forehead against yours as you both tried to catch your breath. “Please be more careful, okay darlin’?” 

“I make no promises,” you murmured letting your hands slide down from his hair so they rested on his chest. You smiled at his annoyed expression, 

“But I’ll try,” 

Leonard hummed lowering his head so he could whisper against your neck making promises of his own.

 Kissing you gently one more time he took his leave tossing an “I’ll see you tonight for dinner,” over his shoulder. 

You stalked past the nurse’s station where Christine and M’Benga sat chatting quietly. They both looked up at your approach. 

“Not. A. Word,” you growled at the blonde woman who merely smirked her eyes fixed upon the bruised spot just below your ear. After you fled back down to engineering Geoff groaned as Christine victoriously handed him a stack of PADDS full of reports that need to be done. 

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Star Trek X Reader: @lumar014ad

[malaks-perch]

a war of tea and pastries

nadia satrinava x reader

both you and nadia are in for a couple surprises

warnings: it get spicy, sfw?? fluff make heart POOM

a/n: i really meant to post this yesterday, forgive me. part of #31DaysofArcana, follow for more during this awesome week!! check out the first tag to find more content for this event on my blog and all of tumblr!'

this was definitely a sight for any vesuvian to see. countess nadia satrinava was doing anything and everything she could to find the slightest bit of work. from asking servants left and right what there was to do on that day to asking her right hand about any particular events there were today. but unfortunately for her... there were none.

at this very moment, the elegant countess of vesuvia was pestering portia about anything that might be going on in vesuvia. any. thing.

"milady, I must insist that there is nothing to do." portia smiled to herself as she went about her cleaning in the palace library. nadia was over her shoulder trying to steal a rag away from where they were perched on portia's arm.

both were fairly agile and when nadia would reach portia would make a valiant and subtle pull far enough away from the countess to clean something elsewhere. for good reason, of course.

last tome portia allowed nadia to help in her duties she was chewed out by one of nadia's pesky advisors. they meant well because nadia did end up cutting her palm when she broke a dish in the kitchen. nadia chastised herself for breaking it and apologized for being so clumsy. (it literally slipped into the sink off of the counter, but nope, not according to nadia).

so when portia sent you a distressed look over her shoulder, you knew exactly what to do. turning your head and looking up before slamming a hand on a nearby desk.

"oh my stars!"

nadia was at her post immediately, wrapping an arm around your waist and scanning the desk for a potential problem.

"i will take care of it, darling. all you need to do is tell me what is troubling you." nadia pressed her cheek to your shoulder, violet eyes scanning your face as her thumb came to rub across your jaw.

it almost made you feel bad for what you were about to do.

"you have tea with one of the palace representatives! they were busy tending to one of your family's royal courts!" you groaned, leaning over and rubbing your temples as if it hurt just remembering the information.

nadia rubbed her skilled fingers over your shoulders, "don't worry, my love." she assured, hands threading through your hair in the way she knew that made your body go lax. "portia, we have work to do."

nadia left, eagerly ordering the palace staff to decorate the veranda. plush cushions and fabrics being laid out around a table for maximum comfort.

you laid on your shared bed, watching as nadia came in from her baths. through silks you could see she was freshly lathered in oils that made her room smell that much sweeter.

"maybe you should tell that pompous ambassador to wait." you huffed watching nadia's robe fall away as she disappeared into the closet.

a gentle laugh sounding from within. nadia poking her head out, an arm braced to the doorway hid the modesty of her chest. but it didn't stop you from looking.

"if you want to go deal with an arrogant politician tomorrow, then you may show him to a room upon arriving." she raised a brow with that sexy smirk on her lips.

you practically launched off the bed. murmuring praises to whosoever turned this day in your favor.

"y/n"

oh? that tone never escaped the bedroom. immediately you spun on your heel to find nadia challenging stare. the lifted brow, the smirk, the smile...

you went over to nadia's side of the bed and plopped down, sprawling out and propping up on your elbows so nadia could see your ever growing smirk.

the countess of vesuvia blushed and quickly disappeared into her closet.

a laugh sounding from you upon seeing the same woman who so handed her ex-husband his ass flustered from seeing you kicking back on her bed.

"i'll be good," you promised as a few servants came in the room to help the countess pick an outfit for this grand occasion. "as long as you promise to relax a little with that arrogant ambassador."

the servant girls stifled their giggles shooting you smiles of their own. nadia was dressed up in white silks that clung to her chest and flowed behind her as she crossed the room. shooting a brow to the girls before climbing up to stradle your lap.

you raised a brow, letting your hands settle on nadia's waist in an effort to get her to stop cutting those tyrian eyes at the poor girls.

"my, my... it seems you girls have riled up my lover." you hummed before nadia turned to you, tracing her hands over your shoulders before she returned your smile.

"please summon portia." her tone sharp as she leaned down to trace her lips against your neck. a light hum left your mouth as the nervous girls disappeared out the room.

you laughed, rubbing nadia's back as she leaned back to observe sly grin on your face. "they were here to help you dress. you'll keep driving the new ones off if you keep doing that."

her fingers roughly tilted your head back as her lips ghosted your neck, "then they shouldn't be undressing you with their eyes."

nadia's hands trailed a little lower than usual and you flipped her so she was beneath you. trying to laugh off a moan as you met her gaze. "you have to meet that ambassador."

she gave a sly smile despite how her wrists were pinned to the bedding. "let them wait~"

her breathy reply sent shivers up your back, but you quickly regained yourself and pushed off her to stand at the end of the bed post.

"you're not playing fair, beloved." you grinned upon seeing her roll over so she was laying on her stomach.

"neither are you," she sighed, getting up to trek over to you. "will you not join me to see the ambassador?"

you grinned and wrapped your arms around her waist, "maybe. i'll have portia announce my arrival."

nadia satrinava poked her lip out then. pouting at being away from you.

"don't look so down," you smiled as she pressed a soft kiss to your lips. "i'm sure you'll have fun. i have to visit asra anyway."

nadia gave a sigh, untangling from your arms and walking towards the closet. "of course, send him my regards."

you watched as nadia, whether she meant to or not, her hips swayed in the slightest, but you were quick to put some distance between you both or neither of you would make your.. appointments.

portia squeaked upon seeing you in the hallway. you'd dressed up in silks most similar to those that hung over nadia's bed. fabrics curled over your shoulders and wrapped around your waist leaving a large gaping 'v' to show off your chest. paired with the genie pants, you certainly did look foriegn to what might've been normal to prakran visitors.

portia was loving it. rubbing her hands up and down your exposed arms as she smiled up at you. "you really didn't have to do this—"

"nadia was begging for something to do." you smiled as portia showed you to the veranda where a warm breeze flowed between the palace columns.

"it's a good thing you chose the gazebo out there then." portia giggled as she walked further into the palace.

"why?" you called after her, turning only to find her giggling with the servant girls.

"because she's going to jump your bones."

you set a hand over your mouth, stopping any stuttering from embaressing you any further. as you walked through the gardens you found nadia settled.

ludovico gave a nod, unable to help his smile when you motioned to the gazebo where nadia's back was turned to you.

"introducing! the representative of prakra's royal court and vesuvian politician—" nadia pushed the silk aside and stopped dead in her tracks upon seeing your smirk. "the palace magician, y/n l/n."

"what?" nadia gaped as you stepped up to stand on the stairs so you were eye level. tapping her chin with a finger and nodding to ludovico who went back to his post.

"i am one of prakra's royal court representatives, aren't i?" you smiled disappearing into the gazebo to lie down on the plush cushions laid out for you both.

"vesuvian politician?"

"i am a major influence amongst where and how the vendors run their trade." you smiled as your fingers danced around a few pastries only to pop a sugar cube in your mouth.

"arrogant ambassador?" she finally smiled raising a brow.

"as a resident in our shared bed, i consider myself a powerful diplomat in the bedroom."

nadia laughed and sat down next to you. taking your hand in hers as she gave you the warmest of smiles. "so all that talk of a foreign ambassador—"

"i'm as foreign as vesuvia gets, lovely."

nadia laughed, leaning forward to pour tea for the both of you. relaxing even more as you let her hair down and played with the ends.

"now countess, i would like to discuss the restrictions of my territories." you teased upon receiving tea from a smirking nadia.

"is that so?" the countess took on her best pokerface, the same one used that would win most negotiations with politicians and leaders from different countries. "do you not have enough power in your dominion?"

"i do, countess." you set a hand over your chest, tipping your head back like a snobby royal would. "but it's come to my attention that you are hogging everything from the ocean to the covers at three am."

nadia straight out laughed. head tipping back as the medolic sound shattered the pokerface she put up so well. it was nice to see her like this, so carefree. you sipped your tea trying your best not to let any choke you up as you watched nadia.

"and you wonder why you aren't allowed at my important meetings." she smiled pecking your cheek.

"i'm not allowed because someone is jealous of all my admirers." the choked noise nadia made forced you to bite back a smile as you pretended to look over pastries. "i will not name anyone, but—"

"says the one who burned lucio's painting right in front of him." nadia smirked upon seeing your head whip around.

"he was being a royal pain in our asses." the comment made nadia laugh. When your fingers pulled her so she was staring into your eyes— she nearly froze up all together. "no one deserves that kind of treatment."

her fingers cupped your face, smiling as she let her forehead rest upon your own. the faint blush on her face didn't go unnoticed. "hence why i no longer tolerate his behavior."

"you are a queen, nadia." you cupped her face in your hands and pressed a kiss to the crown of her head. "you deserve to be treated as such."

"empress."

"what?" you pulled back to find her already smiling.

"if you'd like to address me, do it right." nadia tapped your chin, quirking a brow up as she picked up a pastry. "empress."

you flicked one of the jellies from a black raspberry up on her nose. "and i'm supposed to be the arrogant ambassador."

her mouth dropped open and she flicked apple jelly in your direction. landing it on your cheek making you shriek. nadia laughed again and you took the opportunity to shove a pastry in her mouth.

the countess squeaked in surprise when you grabbed a couple handfuls of pastries, setting them in the crook of your arm.

"countess, if you choose to retaliate. i will be forced to gather troops from the country of my cold bedside to reign down on hoggersville for crimes of thievery and having impossibly beautiful hair."

nadia stood up without a word, grabbing the tray of cookies, and staring you dead in the eye. she launched a tart in your face and from there it was chaos.

tea spilled into cushions and pastries thrown to stain the wine colored silks that hung from the gazebo. clothes were stained with jellies and creams while faces were painted with smiles and warmth.

somewhere in the war of pastries and tea, you'd tripped and fallen on top of nadia. catching yourself just barely only for nadia to swing you both around and stradle you.

you groaned as she panted above you. a blueberry tart in hand as she raised a brow.

"surrender and i, the empress of impossibly beautiful hair, will allow you to thrive in hoggersville."

you grabbed her wrist, a soft smile growing on your face as she stared down at you. "i would lay my life down rather than let my people suffer another cold night."

nadia set the pastry aside before leaning down to peck your lips sweetly, "that is why you will rule beside me."

you froze and nadia seemed to notice, only waiting with an expectant look that consisted of a small smirk and a raised brow. "what did you say?"

"you heard me."

nadia satrinava. hair elegantly draped behind and framing the smeared jelly on her face. clothes stained with blues, purples, and golds that were once in pastries. the impossibly beautiful countess-

"did you just propose?"

she smiled and cupped your jaw, "would i choose anyone else?"

it took a moment for everything to catch up. out of everyone in vesuvia- nay, the world. nadia satrinava wanted you to rule beside her in vesuvia.

"you want me to.. you want to marry me?"

"no one is as worthy as you," nadia pressed a kiss to your cheek only for you to bolt up and crush your lips against hers.

upon breaking the kiss, she pulled back, tracing your jaw with a smile.

"so is that a yes?"

"if you'll have me."

she pressed her lips to yours in a softer kiss, caressing every inch of skin softly. making her way down to her shoulders when she shoved you back into the cushions.

you would've questioned her had it not been for the predatory look in her eyes.

you were screwed.

nadia leaned down brushing your noses together, "but for future reference, as a resident in our shared bed—" nadia pecked the corner of your lips, but her dangerously violet eyes never broke the gaze she'd locked with yours. " — you have no power as an ambassador."

a grin took her lips as she entwined your hands together, hovering over you.

"this is a dictatorship."

[i-need-entertainment]

Just Right

Character: Chronostasis x short reader

*In this story the reader is about 5′0, Chrono is in the 5′9-6′0 range*

*DISCLAIMER, I will do my absolute best to portray a short reader but I can only be so accurate...since I myself am 5′9..BUT I love the idea and will do my best! Thank you to @goblinchild99​ for requesting! I hope you enjoy it!!<3

TW- Mean words from dad, reader self doubts, mentions of insecurities

“Wait…what..?” Your heart shattered as you sat in front of your stone-faced parents. Your family was head of one of the many Yakuza of Japan, and your father was a cold and ruthless man not like your mother was much better. “You will be given to the Shie Hassaikai. What they do with you is none of my concern, but for our sake and for your own, behave. I know you are not wanted because of your…stature…but do not be a bother. I don’t want you being sent back h ere, I cannot imagine the shame you would bring to our name if you upset the new young leader.” 

You held back tears at your father’s decree. ‘Given…? Is that all I’m good for… To be given as a peace treaty when one of my brothers makes a mistake… Why do I have to pay the price for their actions…why am I just being used as compensation?’ Quickly wiping the tear that fell you stood up and left the room, going to your room to pack since you’d be leaving that evening. You sat down on your bed, sobs racking your body as you clutched your small frame. Your whole life you had been treated as an outcast, as the disappointment of the family. All because…because what? Because you were shorter than most? Because you were more ‘petite’? Just because you were small it didn’t make you any less important…any less deserving of love and affection. Instead you were being bargained off for ‘peace’. The sadness you felt was replaced by frustration. You angrily took out a suitcase and filled it with clothes, precious items, and whatever toiletries you knew you’d need. Without saying a word you rolled your suitcase out of your room, where an underling of some sort took it from your, and made your way to your parents. “Goodbye mom…dad…I wish you both the best.” You hugged your mom while your dad gave you a nod. “Make us proud, Y/n.” You held back your tears at your dad’s heartless reply and instead chose to nod, walking out the door and never looking back. After a good 2 ½ hour drive you made it to your new home, the Shie Hassaikai Headquarters. Where you would spend the rest of your life…Now anyone in your position would probably assume the worst..especially being a small female. But you were more afraid of being killed than…that. I mean, Overhaul was a major germaphobe so that stilled some worries you supposed…The car stopped and you shook yourself from your daydreams. Unbuckling your seat belt you exited the car, thanked the driver and made your way to the front gate. There to greet you was a man, who was much taller than you, wearing a white raincoat that reached just below his knees with black shiny boots. But the things that stood out to you the most was the hood he had covering his head, and the mask that covered his face. “Y/n L/n?” You looked up to the man, meekly nodding. He waved over one of the other masked associates, this time a man with a black mask, coat and hat to get your bag. The man in the white coat turned towards you. You couldn’t see his eyes but you could feel them burning holes through you. “Follow me, Overhaul would like to meet you.” You nodded, “But, put this on first…and don’t touch him, I imagine you wouldn’t like to die on your first day here.” You stilled as you shakily took the white medical mask and put it on, clasping your shaking hands together as you followed behind the strangely dressed man. “You don’t talk much…do you?” You looked up as you walked through the dim hallways of the Shie Hassaikai basement. “No…not to strangers, anyway…” You tried your best to sound normal, but you couldn’t deny you were scared. And rightfully so! “Yeah, well that might actually do you well here, you’re less likely to tick him off then.” You made a sound to let him know you understood, still not feeling well enough to answer him with a real response just yet. The two of you stopped at a door. Being raised in a Yakuza family you were no stranger to scary encounters, but this would be the scariest you’ve ever faced by far. Let alone faced by yourself. The man, who you had to have learned his name knocked on the door, answering that ‘L/n was there’ before the boss man told him (and you) to enter. Entering the office you were ushered over to the couch to sit down. So now here you were sitting directly across from a man that could kill you with a single touch. “L/n, I’m sure you know who I am, yes?” You nodded your head, looking down with your hands crossed in your lap. Overhaul may not have been the biggest guy, but he was still easily almost a foot taller than you…not to mention he had a fairly big build. “I won’t lie to you, I wasn’t fond of your fathers implications of why he was sending you here, but I assure you I have no intentions of following through with his original plans.” Your head shot up at this. “You may be small in stature, and it’s true that could be a weakness, but you also have a strong quirk. I’m offering you a place here, amongst me and the precepts…not everyone gets that opportunity. Should you choose to take it you will be taken care of, and your abilities will be praised.” You felt like you could cry, not from fear, but from being…wanted. “So? Will you join the Hassaikai, not as whatever it was your father wanted, but as apart of it?” Your face took on a determined look, “…I’ll do it. I know I’m not the strongest, and I’m not very strong, but I promise to do my best. Thank you..” Overhaul’s expression changed to a happy one. “Wonderful, I am aware of your inability to fight or defend yourself, so I’m putting you directly under Chronostasis,” He motioned for the said man to step forward. “Chrono, become acquainted with her, show her the ropes, teach her to fight, and utilize her natural abilities. Consider her your…assistant for now. Understood?” Chronostasis as you had learned his name was nodded, “Yes sir, come on L/n, I’ll show you around the base.” You nodded, standing up you bowed, “Thank you for this opportunity, I’ll do my best.” Overhaul nodded, walking passed you to his desk. “The pleasure is mine. You both are dismissed.” With that the two of you left the room and started navigating the hallways. “I’ll show you around first before getting started on what you’ll be doing here if that’s okay with you.” You nodded, “That’s fine.” You started walking, while you were talking he showed you the different rooms, which ones to avoid and which ones you’d be spending a lot of time in. “This is my office, which will be yours now too I guess.” He opened the door and stepped in. You didn’t follow. “…I’m sorry…” He turned around, “For what?” You nervously looked down, hands wringing together. “For being a burden…” He sighed, lightly guiding you into the room. “Listen, you’re not a burden, in all seriousness I could use the help, Overhaul gives me too much as it is anyways. And…I have a pretty good idea of how you were treated at your family’s Yakuza, and it kinda ticks me off. So I assure you, you’re not a bother.” You smiled at him, “Thank you…” “Yup.” He shut the door and sat down at his desk, motioning for you to do the same at the couch in the room. Without warning, he removed the mask he had on, the hood falling to his shoulders as he did so. “You can go ahead and take the mask off, I don’t wear mine when I’m not around Overhaul and he doesn’t care as long as you’re not interacting with him.” You sheepishly nodded, desperately trying to hide how flustered you were, because he was attractive. Not just the ‘oh yeah, he's good looking’ kind, more like the ‘Oh my gosh, I think I JUST DIED ‘ kind. He had the perfect proportions of traditional attractiveness and uniqueness to make him that much more appealing to you. He had sharp narrow dark gray-blue eyes, a jawline that could draw blood and a general intensity about him that made your heart stop beating. Remembering you were probably staring you quickly looked away. But something else about him caught your eye…his hair. It was a white silvery color, and medium in length, but as you examined him further you noticed the ends of his hair ended in arrow shapes. “Is that part of your quirk?” His dark eyes met yours, he figured you’d ask, most anyone who had ever seen him asked sooner or later. But when he looked at you, you weren’t looking at him like he was a freak. Your eyes held an innocent and honest curiosity. With no malice to be seen. “I’m sorry if that came off as weird or rude!! It’s just…I’ve never seen anything like it…” He nodded, “It’s fine, I kinda figured you would. My quirk is called Chronostasis. I can extend these clock needle things to pierce someone, but I need to be extremely still. If I do pierce someone I can slow them down, but the length depends on which hand I struck them with. If I use the minute,” He pointed to one of the ‘clock needles’ on the end of his hair, “They’re slowed for a minute, same thing if I use the hour.” He looked at you, noticing your expression. “I know it’s weird but-“ “I don’t think it’s weird.” He looked at you in shock, “You don’t? You can be honest, it’s pretty weird.” You shook your head, that honest and sincere glint never leaving your e/c eyes. “I think they’re really cool…beautiful…even..” In his 22 years of life, no one had ever told him his quirk was cool, let alone beautiful. If words could kill, Chronostasis would probably be dead. The red tint on his cheeks giving aware his flusteredness. “A-Uh..Thanks…What’s your quirk anyway?” “It’s called Seamless…Um basically I can sew without using needles, controlling the threads and what not…but it only works on sewing things, I can’t use it on people or anything..” You looked up, expecting him to be bored only to see interest gleaming in his eyes. “Sounds cool to me, useful too.” Never in your life had you felt so secure, safe, appreciated…it felt good. It felt good to know there were people out there who wanted you, even if it was just for work it still felt nice. Fast forward a bit, you’ve been with the Hassaikai for a year now. You had cemented your place here, and you felt great. You didn’t use your quirk too much, but you did save them a lot of money on clothes. You had also become a lot closer to Chrono, or Kurono Hari as you had learned his name was, and called him in private. You talked a lot, ranting to each other about your problems, spending time together even if it was just doing your own things in silent. It was safe to say the two of you had become good friends, but more than that you had developed feelings for the man. That was why you were on your current mission, making your way to Overhaul’s office. You knocked, and after hearing a ‘come in’ entered. He was sitting at his desk, fiddling with papers and what not. “Ah, L/n, what can I help you with?” You walked to stand in front of his desk, nervously messing with your fingers and fidgeting. “…I came to ask you something…” Overhaul sighed as he set his pen down, leaning to place his chin in his hand, which was propped up on his desk. “Oh? What is it? I take it everything is going fine?” Over the past year besides getting close to Chronostasis, you had also gotten close to Overhaul. Although you noticed he acted very protective of you, like an older brother. You had asked him about it a few months ago, he had simply told you he had met with your father a few years ago when he accompanied a business meeting with Pops. He had seen how you were treated and it made him sick especially because of how much potential you showed. In his own special way, you knew he cared somewhat about you. You nodded your head. “Everything’s fine, great, actually…I need to talk to you about something else…someone else….”. His eyebrow raised in interest, he pretended to act surprised but he had an inkling of why you were really here. “I want your permission to…to…” You opened your mouth to speak but ultimately chose to close it, not really knowing how to go forward. He sighed again, leaning back in his chair while his hands clasped together, resting by his mouth. “Let me guess…you’d like my permission to pursue a relationship with Chronostasis? Am I correct?” You felt heat raise to your face as you stiffened. ‘How did he…?’ “I may seclude myself to this office and limit my interactions with people to a minimum, but I’m not blind. I am well aware of he feelings the both of you have for each other.” You gulped, here it comes…”I don’t care, just don’t let it get in the way of your work. But if it ends the pitiful gazes and flirting between the two of you, by all means, get married for all I care.” Your eyes widened as your brain proceeded to implode. “A-are you sure?! You really don’t mind?!” He looked at you in disbelief before shrugging. “Nope, just don’t do any of that lovey-dovey stuff around me, affection like that makes me nauseas.” You nodded, “I promise.” He nodded and got up, walking you to the door. “…I’m trusting you won’t tell him what I’m about to say but, take care of him…He’s stupidly in love with you, so I know he’ll take care of you, but please be good to him…” You smiled, nodding your head. “I will…wait, did you say he’s in lo-“ “Time for you to go, goodbye L/n.” Before you could refute, he pushed you out of the room, shut the door and locked it. Sighing, you made you way to your and Chrono’s office, finally ready to tell the man of your dreams your feelings. To most you may be considered ‘short’ or ‘small’, and to some they might even think of you as ‘inadequate’ or ‘lesser’ than them. At one point you probably thought Chrono felt that way. (but as you were soon about to find out)But to Chrono? You were just right, just...perfect.

[aalissy]

Dreams Part 2

Anddd here’s the reason for the shorter chapter today and the special surprise I mentioned hehe. @bamberry asked for a part two to dreams so here it is!! I really hope you like it <3. Lemme know what you guys think!

AO3

When Adrien opened his eyes to his blaring alarm the next morning, he brushed away the lingering feelings of heartbreak and sadness. He may not have been able to change the ending to his dream but maybe he could change it in real life. If Marinette did accept his invitation to go to the movies, he’d have to be the perfect gentleman, showing her that they should stay together so she won’t even think about breaking up with him. With that last, determined thought, he pushed himself up out of bed and towards his bathroom. 

He got changed and brushed his teeth rather quickly, his excitement brimming as he realized that he’d be able to see Marinette soon. Plagg simply floated above the boy, watching him bemusedly as Adrien hummed lightly to himself. It was going to be a great day.

After Adrien finished getting ready, though, he frowned at himself in the mirror. Something felt missing. But that thought didn’t make any sense. He was dressed in what he usually wore and he didn’t typically feel like he was forgetting something. The furrow between his eyebrows grew deeper as he dug back through his closet. 

Still not certain what he was looking for, he paused slightly once he saw a familiar beret. Slowly, Adrien reached for it as a memory from his recent dream popped up in his thoughts. He had worn this beret every day whilst dating Marinette. His fingers trailed lightly over the fabric as he tried to remember why he had done that. After all, it was a gift Ladybug had given him from his Brazilian fan club. 

As his fingers ran along the inside of the beret, he stopped once they ran into a different type of threading. With a small frown, Adrien peered inside the beret and felt his mouth fall open when he saw the name inside. In tiny, gold lettering he saw the words Marinette. 

“Plagg,” he wheezed out. A million thoughts ran through his mind as he tried to connect the dots. How had his dreams known something that he hadn’t? It didn’t make any sense. There had to be a reason. 

“What’s wrong, kid?” Plagg hovered nearby, looking disinterested even as Adrien felt like he had just got hit by a truck. 

Instead of answering, he practically shoved the beret in his kwami’s face. With a small whimper, he pulled it back to stare down at the name once again. Marinette had made this for him and somehow his dream-self had known. 

“Listen, Adrien...” Plagg started rather cautiously, even as Adrien’s expression went from one of shock to adoration, “I don’t know what you think but—”

“My Brazilian fan club commissioned Marinette to make this for me,” he cut in, shimmying with excitement. “And my dream-self knew. That’s what those dreams were about, Plagg! I was trying to tell myself that Marinette made this for me.”

His kwami coughed lightly before shaking his head. “Right, right... that’s exactly what happened.”

“She’s so amazing.” Adrien sighed, staring down at the beret lovingly. Placing it on his head, he raced downstairs so that he could get to school faster. 

He almost missed Nathalie, who tsked at him in disapproval before handing him his schedule for the day. She raised an eyebrow after he thanked her and ran to the front door. Her voice cut in, dripping with distaste before Adrien could open the door and slide into the limo, though. “Why are you in such a hurry today?”

Adrien turned back to give his father’s assistant a sheepish grin. “Sorry, Nathalie. I guess I’m just really excited to go to school today.”

With that, he gave her one last wave, ducking into the limo. Once inside, he carefully readjusted his beret, feeling his heart tug gently in his chest. As the vehicle slowly pulled out of the Agreste mansion, Adrien tapped his fingers against his leg impatiently. He couldn’t wait to see Marinette’s face when he told her that he knew she made him the beret. Would she give him a shy smile before ducking her head cutely or would her whole face turn red as she stuttered and stammered?

Adrien gave a quiet, lovestruck sigh as he turned to stare out the window. As the buildings passed by him and he got closer and closer to the school, his excitement and anticipation grew. 

Finally, when the limo pulled into the entrance, Adrien barely waited for it to stop before bursting out of the doors. His face lit up immediately as he scanned the surroundings only for it to darken once again when he saw no sign of Marinette. Kicking at the sidewalk with disappointment, Adrien sat down at a step. He scoffed when he pulled out the phone and checked the time. He was still very early and knowing Marinette she would be late. 

With a quick shrug, he began to scroll through some of the apps on his phone, occasionally looking up to see if he could spot Marinette. It took way too long before he finally did see her. She was walking and giggling with Alya, her pigtails bouncing and swaying with every step that she took.

Beaming brightly, Adrien bounded over to them, missing the rather suspicious look Alya gave him as his gaze was entirely focused on Marinette. Her own blue eyes seemed to be staring directly at the beret on his head. His grin turned slightly amused as he adjusted the hat before saying, “Hi, Marinette.”

At that, her eyes blinked to his as her face turned a bright red. She lifted her hand in a small wave before murmuring, “H-hello.”

“Can I talk to you for a minute?” Adrien gave Alya a rather pointed glance before returning his attention to Marinette.

Alya smirked smugly at that, giving her best friend a pat on the shoulder before saying, “Well, I’m going to head to class then. I’ll see you in a bit, ok girl?”

Marinette nodded her head quickly before gnawing on the bottom of her lip. Alya gave a quiet laugh before going inside the school. Adrien then quickly looked around before taking Marinette’s hand and guided her behind the steps with him. Once he was certain they were alone, he looked down at her with a soft smile. “So, I wanted to thank you, Marinette.”

“F-for what?” she squeaked, her face turning an even darker shade of red.

Adrien chuckled lightly before pulling off his beret to point out the name she had sewed inside. He traced over the tiny, gold lettering before murmuring, “For the beret.”

Lifting his head back up, his mouth fell open in shock as he saw Marinette’s expression. She looked horror-struck. Her face was pale and she looked about ready to bolt. Blinking in surprise, he slowly reached a hand out to hold hers gently.

“Marinette?” Adrien spoke her name softly.

She shook her head, clenching her eyes shut tight. “I-I don’t... I-I didn’t.”

“Is everything alright?” he squeezed her hand in his. He watched her spiral even further and he wondered how he could fix it. How did I even start it in the first place? I still don’t know what I did, Adrien cursed in his mind. 

At that point, Marinette’s eyes popped open and she looked at him seriously. She jerked her hand away from his grip. Her blue eyes blazed with resolve as she stepped closer to point at him. “You can’t tell anyone, especially Chat Noir, ok? Very, very bad things will happen if you do. In fact, I’m surprised Bunnyx isn’t here yet.” She looked around nervously, as though expecting the end of the world to suddenly happen.

His mouth fell open in bewilderment. What wasn’t he allowed to tell himself? And how did she know Bunnyx? Adrien certainly hadn’t expected this reaction when he imagined talking to her today. Shaking his head, he tilted his with confusion. “I’m sorry, Marinette, what am I not allowed to tell anyone?”

Her gaze narrowed as she practically glared at him. “Don’t tell me you’ve already told someone?”

“I-I haven’t. I promise,” he said as he held his arms up in surrender. Was he already messing everything up? Couldn’t they just go on one date before having to break up? With a quiet gulp, Adrien gave her an anxious smile. “At least, I don’t think... what was I not supposed to tell?”

Marinette stared at him in surprise before slowly gesturing to her earrings. “You know... about this. You didn’t tell anyone, did you?”

He frowned in confusion, opening his mouth to tell her that he still didn’t understand before realization slammed into him like a truck. Marinette was gesturing to earrings she never took off. Besides one day, that is... the one day where he also took off his ring and ended up switching kwamis with Ladybug. Ladybug who dropped off Marinette’s present. The same Ladybug who couldn’t accept Chat Noir’s feelings because she was in love with another boy. 

Adrien breathed out one word as he gazed down at her in shock, “Me.”

Marinette’s brow furrowed as she looked up at him. “You told yourself?”

“No!” he shook his head, “I mean yes! Well, kind of... but, I was mainly saying that I was the one you were in love with.” 

Her face turned the shade of a tomato before she laughed awkwardly, waving a hand in the air. “W-what? W-what do you mean? L-love you? Uh, w-where did you hear that? I mean, that’s just crazy.”

Adrien simply chuckled loudly, slapping a palm to his forehead as so many things suddenly made sense. He hadn’t predicted the future with his dreams and he certainly wasn’t clairvoyant. He must have subconsciously figured out Marinette’s identity and had been trying to tell himself that he had been in love with the same girl from the very start.

With a small, smug grin, he leaned down to look into Marinette’s wide, blue eyes, “That’s not going to work on me, anymore, princess.”

She simply squeaked, her entire body tensing up as Adrien leaned even closer to her. He swiped at her nose playfully and smiled softly once he saw how flustered she got. Leaning back, Adrien spoke simply and gently, “I wanted to talk to you so that I could tell you that I love you too.”

“Y-you do,” Marinette whispered, her body relaxing as she gazed up at him in wonder.

“I always have, m’lady.” He bowed delicately, taking her hand in his to brush a sweet kiss on the back of it.

“No,” she breathed out, her eyes widening further, “You're not... you can’t be.”

Adrien simply winked at her, giving Marinette a particularly Chat Noir esque grin. Her eyes firmly shut as she shook her head furiously. As she ran a hand through her hair, he heard her mutter, “That makes so much more sense now. You didn’t need to tell anyone because you already knew.”

“Knew what?” He tilted his head at her in confusion, watching as her head jolted up to stare at him with longing and sadness.

Slowly, Marinette took in a deep breath, her eyes brimming with tears. “W-we can’t be together.”

“What?” Adrien practically spluttered, feeling his heart plummet deep in his chest. “Why not? I-is it because I’m Chat Noir?”

“No! Of course not, kitty! I love both parts of you, just like you do for me.” Marinette shouted in a rush to reassure him. “B-but, one day, Bunnyx showed me the future. You had gotten akumatized, Adrien. It was awful, a-and you knew my identity. Y-you said it was our love that ended the world. So, don’t you see? We can’t be together until after defeating Hawkmoth.” 

Adrien’s face dropped as he stared down at Marinette. Slowly, he shook his head. “No, that can’t be. I can’t have gotten akumatized. Not if I was in love and with you. You are one of the only people I ever feel truly happy with.”

She sniffled quietly, a soft, wobbly smile forming on her lips. “It’s the truth, Adrien. We’re not supposed to know our identities for a reason. This is probably why. Now, we should really get to class, we’re probably late enough already.”

Marinette started to walk away and before he could overthink, he reached out and grabbed her wrist, staring at her desperately. “What if we dated in secret?”

“I-in secret?” she looked at him doubtfully.

“Yes!” Adrien snapped his fingers as his face lit up. “That way Hawkmoth would never even know. It doesn’t even have to be as Marinette and Adrien or Ladybug and Chat Noir, we could make it work as Ladybug and Adrien or Chat Noir and Marinette. I can’t just let you go, Marinette. Not now when I know we’re both in love. Please, let’s just give this a chance.”

She nibbled on her lip as she peered up at him from beneath her lashes. She then spoke hesitantly. “No one would know?”

“Not a soul, I purromise.” Adrien lifted his hand up as he solemnly swore to her.

Marinette looked up at him for a few moments longer before slowly nodding her head. “Ok, we can try it. But if anything starts to go wrong, and I mean anything, Adrien. You let me know right away and we’ll figure it out together, alright? I’m not going to lose you again.”

“You won’t.” He grinned, pulling her closer to him as he brushed his nose against hers lightly. Quietly, he murmured, “Now, am I allowed to give you a kiss that we can both remember.” 

Marinette giggled, her cheeks turning a light pink. She still swatted his chest, though, hissing at him, “We can’t do this here. What if someone sees?”

“No one’s going too. Everyone’s in class already. Please, Marinette, just one,” Adrien whined, giving her a small pout.

She rolled her eyes with a fond smile. Instead of responding, however, she simply wrapped her arms around his neck, pulling him into a sweet kiss. Shivers raced up and down his spine as he lifted her up, smiling into their kiss. Nothing was going to take this away from him. Not even Hawkmoth. He’d make sure of it.

[animsid]

The Owl House, Season 2 Speculation

New Year, New Speculations! In the middle of the season, Owl House Season 2 is still over the horizon, and many fans (myself included) are clamouring for even the slightest bit of info. Whether its episode titles, how many episodes, a release date, etc. Many are excited for the prospect of Season 2, confirmed two months ahead of the series’ premiere!

Season 1 left many things unresolved, yet still found itself to be satisfying in some aspects. Which is not necessarily a bad thing, but it does leave excitement for more episodes. This post will talk abou three main areas: character development and their anticipated arcs, the main plot introduced, and smaller side plots incorporated in Season 1.

I’m more of a casual Owl House fan, but I enjoy speculating about what is to come. So if I missed anything, let me know!

SPOILERS AHEAD FOR SEASON ONE OF “THE OWL HOUSE”

Let’s begin, shall we?

Character Development and Anticipated Arcs

Luz and Amity – Obviously one of the most exciting and anticipated arcs in a very long time, since all main character queer relationships canonically happen towards the end of the series, either as a result of censorship or queerbaiting. One good and the other not as much.) From their rough first meeting at Hexside all the way to playing on the same Grudgby team, we’ve seen their relationship naturally bloom in the first season. There’s definitely gonna be tensions with the Blight family, but that falls more under plot.

Eda and Lilith – Nothing says interpersonal drama more than a complicated sibling relationship. At the end of Season 1, Lilith shares the curse with Eda after helping them escape Belos’ imprisonment. I don’t believe that they will have a happy go-lucky relationship from the start of Season 2, but I do believe that they are on the path to bettering themselves and each other. Possibly an introduction of their parents (as introduced at the end of “Covention”) but perhaps not.

Willow & Gus – Perhaps one of the more frustrating parts of The Owl House personally. Willow and Gus have very little character development for themselves in Season 1. Other episodes that focus on them were mainly narrative devices to further develop other characters. e.g. 115 - “Understanding Willow” although being about Willow, was mainly a means to develop Amity, Luz and introduce the Blight Family drama, therefore developing Amity’s arc further rather than develop Willow herself. I think it is fine for a first season to prioritise which characters to show, and which to set up for later on. My hopes for Season 2 is that they will have their own development outside of being used to further other forefront characters. 

Main Plots Introduced

Emperor Belos

The Magic of Belos

The Refueling – In 118 - “Agony of a Witch”, when Lilith enters Belos’ chambers for the first time, we see him ragged and tiredly hunched over his throne gasping for air. To rejuvenate himself, he takes what seems to be a Palisman broken from their staff and cuts it open, revealing a green goo-like energy. He drips it into his eyes, supposedly giving him power.

Witch’s Wool Cape – The Witch’s Wool Cape is the cape that Eda made for Luz in 118 - “Agony of a Witch” and Luz is seen wearing it in 119 - “Young Blood, Old Souls”. What remains interesting about this is what Eda specifically says about it (”It repels powerful spells. Every Witch worth their salt has a cloak like this!”) and how Belos is able to use powerful magic against Luz to slam her into the wall during their fight sequence. Does this mean Belos is using a different type of magic? Or is his magic far more powerful than the Witch’s Wool can withstand?

The Titan of the Boiling Isles & Belos’ Propaganda – The Titan is technically canon and true. In Belos’ throne room, we see his throne just under a very large beating heart. However, it’s not clear if Belos in actuality is able to speak to the Titan, or if he’s trying to maintain order and rule.

The Spy of Belos – This is more of a minor plot introduced at the very end of 119 - “Young Blood, Old Souls”, but Belos speaks to Kikimora and shows a spy wearing a Palace guard uniform and a mask that somewhat resembles Hooty.

The Portal to the Human World – This remains one of the greater mysteries of Belos, as the finale shows him to want access to the human world, yet the show does not say why. Perhaps his goal is to somehow liberate the world by the actual word of the Titan, or he wants to take over the human world under the disguise of being able to speak to the Titan. Either way, it leads to the Human World being taken over by Belos.

Hexside Academy & The Mono-Coven System – The addition of Luz is interesting, as she and the other previous members of the Detention track all have multi-coven learning. Previous to that, Eda was the only real exception who was not a part of a coven and using “Wild Magic”. It leaves the question if Belos’ tolerance for a blatant disregard for his system in Hexside will be brought to light, and how he may try to enforce his rule.

Luz Noceda

The Portal & Returning Home – The only real way for Luz to return home is through Belos’ makeshift portal, since she destroyed Eda’s original portal to protect the human world from Belos.

Letters to Luz’s Mom – A big mystery is who is sending Luz’s mom the letters pretending to be her from Boring Camp in “Enchanting Grom Fright”? Theories have been swirling around of it being Eda, Emperor Belos or even a new representative in the human world with the ability to carry out Belos’ plans. The question now is if the sender is actually from the Boiling Isles, how did they send the messages? If using the portal, only Eda has the ability. Belos has lost actual access to the portal, so he isn’t a contender. The mystery looms over us.

Learning Magic & Connecting to the Boiling Isles – As of now, Luz knows four spells: Light, Ice, Plant, and Fire. She has been able to connect with the Island to use magic in her paper method, and the finale showed it was the connection to and magic of the Boiling Isles which allowed her to use the magic. There are a number of Covens and spells she has yet to learn, which also leads with her own journey to self-confidence and found family. 

Eda, Lilith & The Curse

The Curse – By the end, the curse is worsened. If not for Lilith sharing the curse with Eda, the curse would have taken over Eda and she would have been lost forever. But now with the elixir no longer working halfway through the season, they must find another way to undo the magic binding them to this transformation. 

Luz’s Paper Method of Magic – Eda and Lilith are unable to do any more typical magic using their biological functions, but Luz offers to teach them her Paper technique of using magic. Eda tries and it shows that she is able to use the Light spell at the least.

Hooty - I stan Hooty! There I said it! But this is more than just me irrationally stanning the best biord house, there’s actual interesting potential in the mythology behind Hooty. First of al,l as the titular character of “The Owl House” we know nothing about how he came into existence. We don’t know his past with Eda, nor how Eda, King and him came together. Potentially after Eda was cast as an outsider, but nothing specific yet.

The Blight Family

Amity (Personal Journey) – Amity has shown to have struggled with her family, more specifically limitation by her parents and an extent of harassment by her siblings. This would also factor in several plots, such as: Belos and the mono-Coven system, Luz and her relationship with Amity, Willow and Amity, Basha, and several other related threads. I believe that the Blight Family will appear more plot related than just simply being character focused for Amity alone.

Side Plots

These are the mini plots introduced and have yet to be touched upon again.

King’s Species of the Demons –  In 104 “The Intruder” where we first learn of Eda’s curse, King speaks of his species: a group of which we haven’t seen yet. He says their weaknesses are purified water and passive-aggressive comments. We haven’t seen any other characters quite like King, so that’s something to look forward to.

The Magical Capabilities of Luz, Willow and Gus – In 106 “Hooty’s Moving Hassle” where Luz, Willow and Gus animate the Owl House with chicken legs, Eda says at the end “...[to animate a whole house.] That would take some powerful magic.” Meanwhile showing Amity and Basha’s five-person friend group unable to conjure a doll. If Amity is shown to be an exceptionally powerful witch unable to do a conjuring spell, it leaves a question of how powerful the trio actually is...

Azura Book Club – Lumity fans know the Azura book club, a.k.a Gen-Z’s way of figuring out if people are gay. (I’m half joking here.) But the Azura Book Club was mentioned last in 112 “Adventures in the Elements” and not touched upon again. 

Mattholomule, Gus and the Human Appreciation Society (H.A.S) - This isn’t that important, but Gus has been known for being very into human mythology and lore. Mattholomule is the Leader of H.A.S, but it still remains the question if Gus is still a part of it and trying to combat Mattholomule’s ridiculous human mythos to be liked.

The Palisman – There’s quite a bit surrounding this one so it forms into two topics.

The Bat Queen – A very interesting character appearing only twice (”Lost in Language”, and “Escape of the Palisman”) before never being mentioned again for the whole season. The Bat Queen has her children, as well as the protection of the abandoned Palisman by irresponsible Witches. Luz also leaves an open-ended offer to help the Bat Queen search for her original Owner. Perhaps the Titan was the Bat Queen’s original owner, or possibly a giant before the reign of Emperor Belos since she did mention it had been far too long to remember.

Palisman of the Main Cast – With the introduction of the Palisman, it leaves the question of when Luz, Willow, Amity, and Gus will get their own Palisman and which animal they would have. Luz has been shown to have the ability to use non-paper magic when in possession of a Palisman (”Young Blood, Old Souls”), so it could prove an interesting loophole for Luz to be flexible with the methods of magic she uses.

That concludes the speculation! As these are my own thoughts and opinions, I’d love to hear your speculations! Thank you for reading!

[yongiefilms]

EVANESCENCE.

pairing: mark lee x reader (female)

genre: fluff; angst; hints of humor; best friends!au; high school!au; college!au; unrequited love!au

warnings: language, heartbreak, indirect mentions of depression, crying is involved, mentions of death and loss, complex feelings, if you have a weak heart this may be hard to bear, you are literally in for a ride with a lot of ups and downs (i don’t know this is hard to put warnings on for some reason just beware with angsty teen feels aka angsty teen mark)

word count: 6.4k (how did i write this much? it is surely a mystery)

summary: distance is hard for anyone. it’s especially hard for couples, and maybe even more so best friends. with hundreds of thousands of miles separating you and mark lee, it’s impossible not to note the countless possibilities of what could go so wrong by being away from each other for an unknown amount of time. to cope with that longing mark lee writes to you, and he can only hope the feelings he pours out to you on paper are enough to keep that one thread you both are hanging by, unwavering and simply together.

author’s note: this fic is dedicated to our favorite giggly, watermelon loving, and adorably awkward social boy—mark lee. it’s officially his birthday in the states so happy 21st birthday, my precious and sweet boy. thank you for always brightening up our world and putting a smile on our faces. also, huge shoutout to my proofreaders/beta readers ( @wooqzi​ and @mjlkau​ ). you both were literally lifesavers and i can’t thank you enough for enduring through this semi-long fic with me, but i love you my renjun enthusiasts, you’re amazing.

THE CONTENTS OF THIS LETTER IS CONFIDENTIAL AND SHOULD NOT BE READ BY ANYONE OTHER THAN Y/N L/N. PROCEED WITH CAUTION.

march 16, 20XX

my dearest y/n,

i remember the first time i saw you. i remember it so vividly that it seems like it was just yesterday, a fleeting instant in time that managed to stand still, being permanently engraved in my brain. it was november 15th, 20XX—our sophomore year of high school. i recall walking into our school’s library at around 3:25pm because i had to return a book from my literature and composition class. at that point i was also still waiting for my ride to come pick me up so i thought why not kill two birds with one stone? however, i wasn’t prepared for what i would see. (call me cheesy, though i already know you did once you saw the first couple of sentences).

when i strode in i saw you as if we were in the movies, where the male lead is stunned into awe at the gorgeous girl he comes across. you were sitting at a table by yourself in the center of the room with your back to me and the infamous large window that covered nearly the entire wall behind you. for some reason that same day was exceptionally beautiful. the sky was a vibrant blue shade with a few remains of scattered clouds, dotting the sky in white freckles. the sun shone a little brighter than usual, its warmth felt like a blanket wrapped around the body and it reflected across your face at the heaven-sent angle when you turned your head the tiniest bit, adoring you in a pleasant glow. i strolled in right at that moment when the sun decided to showcase you in its beauty and i couldn’t help but be astonished. you looked so ethereal and virtuous. i simply couldn’t look away. your arms were rested on the table, on either side of the book you had opened and when the sun was covered by a transient cloud, casting you in its shadow, is when you became more real, more like someone who was attainable. you then suddenly groaned and put your head down rather harshly on top of the book, emitting a loud sigh. i was quite surprised that no one called you out due to the noise you were making, you were in a library after all. (just know i can picture you rolling your eyes just about now).

yet i perceived it was odd that from merely hearing your sound of distress, i wanted to protect you. i wanted to shield you from future harm and future inapt doings. you made my heart clench so tightly i wondered what was wrong with me and how i could feel so deeply. i didn’t even know you. i hadn’t even seen you around school before. you were a stranger to me so why did i feel a certain way? i questioned myself and even still, to this day, i can’t bring myself to give you answers for that query nor can i find them. i suppose that is where i put the blame for what happened next.

i was so caught up in my head that i didn’t notice my feet had moved on their own accord right next to your table, where your head still rested. i know i must have looked insane and i don’t inculpate you for your reaction in the slightest. i was brought back to reality when the sun shone in my eyes just allowing me to turn my head to see you in your empyrean grandeur. the timing was appropriate too, because that was when you snapped your head up to meet my eyes. i was as startled as you, but it showed more clearly in your eyes rather than mine, considering i was so disoriented from reality. your eyes were wide, allowing me to clearly see the stunning color that was full of curiosity. you tilted your head to the right like a lost puppy kicked to the curb, waiting for someone to finally claim them. nevertheless, your own surprise didn’t last long since mere seconds after you scoffed loudly and turned away from me to bring your attention back to your assignment. your next words were the ones that sealed the deal and i seriously must have been crazy to be attracted by mere words that offended me above all, but they didn’t. if anything my heart clenched in my chest even more. (i must have been so out of it…i know you are laughing your ass off right now because of the dilemma i had. cruel). but you said, “what the hell are you looking at? you weirdo.” i knew then that would be the start of a glorious friendship and it was. i never happen to be wrong and that was one time i was thankful, even if it isn’t my most fondest memory (shut up) it still sparked the start of something much greater. something that i felt could last a lifetime.

so yes, we became the best of friends ever since that day and what a wild ride it was to get to that point. i knew you considered me too weird, too quiet, and too awkward for your taste, but we made the friendship work. we became inseparable even in our differences and for the rest of the years to come in high school, we were joined by the hip. there wasn’t you without me and there wasn’t me without you. you always had mark lee with y/n l/n and vice versa. i guess you could say you had me marked in your heart as you were in mine. (cue another eye roll and a laugh. i know you laughed). we were known for being that inseparable duo of best friends. you couldn’t have one without the other. some thought it was peculiar to see the once lonely boy and spirited girl befriend one another and be so compatible. it was unexpected, but they got used to it like all the other things that come and go. they came to accept it and even if their opinions didn’t matter to you, those things did to me because i wasn’t like you. i couldn’t brush off dislike or unacceptance. i didn’t have the power to do so, but don’t worry anymore, my love, i have come a long way and perhaps it is all due to you.

i’ve always wondered how we balanced each other out since everyone said we just didn’t quite fit the picture. you were dauntless and confident, knowing exactly what you wanted and you weren’t afraid to go out to get it. while i was embarrassing and closed off, not knowing the path to follow for my life and too scared to make mistakes when i knew i couldn’t fix them. although through our own struggles we were able to help each other grow and find ourselves. we became comfortable in our own skin and accepted who we were with all our faults, failures, and imperfections. you were someone who guided me and i only hoped that i was able to guide you the same way you did during this absurd journey of teenage life.

i suppose that is why i am afraid to tell you these next few words, these next few paragraphs that place my heart out for everyone to see and hear—but i don’t care about them, i only have ever cared for you and i always will. you may have assumed this from the start of this letter or it may have gone over your head as something that is normal for everyone to experience with another attractive soul at first glance. or you may have known throughout our years of knowing each other. you could have picked up the signs of things that weren’t so platonic—the gazes, the touches, or the words that meant something more than just friendly. you could have noticed, but refused to acknowledge the deeper undertones for your sake and most certainly my own. i know you and i know the last thing you would want for me is to be hurt or disappointed. to feel like you failed me when in reality if you knew that wouldn’t have mattered, since to me our friendship is worth more than any romance, if there would have been one at all. so you know, i am certain now, but it still scares me to write it down, to have it on permanent record for you to read whenever you want.

so here it goes.

over that time, over the course of us getting to know each other and becoming who we are today, the best of friends, i slowly started to fall for you—the person you were, someone i couldn’t be even if i tried. someone so raw, beautiful, and most of all real, both on the inside and out. you know i never was shallow, i never cared about someone’s appearance as what held significance to me the most was the heart. if your heart was good and wholesome and filled with love. that is what matters and the only thing that should. so while you are gorgeous (don’t let that get to your head now), you had a golden soul that i fell for ever so intensely.

i guess that’s why i decided to be daring that day—our senior graduation. you may be confused on what i mean since nothing was out of the ordinary that day, well for you at least. for me it was a different story. you see i had decided to do something, something out of my comfort zone and i honestly don’t know what came over me to do it in the slightest. you know how i am, i never like to be put into an uncomfortable situation since i don’t know how to deal with them. my social awkwardness just gets the best of me, but in that spur of a tick, realizing this was a huge milestone in our lives that we were overcoming, a milestone that would release us into the real world, i mused there was no harm. i really didn’t have anything to lose, except you that is. i could lose you, but i guess i knew deep within my heart that was a slim possibility because nothing could tear us apart, not even stupid teenage feelings. so you could say i finally gained enough confidence after spending so much time with you to do something out of the ordinary—to be bold like you. to just confess the truth and not worry about the consequences after. to just speak my mind and not surrender to fear. you helped me get to that point and while it did take some time, i was happy with who i came to be. someone proud with who they are, even for split second and i knew i had to do it before i turned back into a coward—before it was too late.

i had the ideal moment planned prior to it happening. i was going to tell you after we finished taking our graduation photos. there wasn’t a better time than that, when we were trying to capture the last moments of our high school career together. taking pictures with those we grew closer to over the years, those that made everything a little more sane, a little more fun. so when we look back we can reminisce about those times, no matter how many ups and downs there were because we finally reached the end goal. we made it.

after searching for you amongst the growing crowd for several long minutes after we proceeded off the stage, i saw you come towards me first, with your blue gown flowing in the wind. you literally ran full speed ahead and when you were a few inches away, you crashed into me. i had stumbled from the impact, taking several steps back so we both wouldn’t fall, as my arms came to rest around your own. you maneuvered your arms around my chest to give me a bear hug, stripping the oxygen away from me. when you let go after being in my embrace for what felt like eternity, i could clearly see your face. you were in a great mood—a beam on your face, your cheeks flushed from the sun’s heat, your eyes wide open with stars that filled the void, and your skin left in a brilliant glow. happiness surrounded you and a grin made its way onto my face at how in your element you finally looked. i knew it was then or never again, for your encouraging grin left me weak, yet strong. the perfect moment. yet, no moment is perfect. no one moment ever seems perfect for me. it doesn’t work out because fate wasn’t on my side—nor would it be for a long time.

you must have wanted to tell me something too that fateful day, since i could feel your excitement in my own bones and spot it a mile away, as right when i was about to confess, right when i opened my mouth to say those three dreaded words, you cut me off. you told me you had news, exciting and life changing news. news that would shatter me and wither my confidence away till what was left was speck of dust. you told me you were leaving to go to the states. that was the first pain i felt in my body. your admission letter had come in the mail earlier that morning when you were about to leave the house, on your way to the graduation ceremony. you were too anxious when your father relayed the news that you had gotten mail as your foot was almost out the door. you couldn’t wait to open it as your eagerness didn’t allow you to, so when you were handed that one large envelope addressed with your name from your dream college, your hands didn’t stop from ripping it open.

you got in.

you got into harvard university, the one college you told me since sophomore year that you wanted to go to, if it was the last thing you could do. i was so estatic for you, i was, because i knew how much the acceptance meant to you. you were working hard ever since you could talk and your passion was a huge part of that dedication to excelling in your academics. you deserved it more than anyone i knew, but my heart couldn’t help but crumble out of that exuberance.

you were rambling on about how thrilled you were and what you would do at college, all the classes you would take, the extracurricular activities, how you would have your own dorm or apartment and decorate it the way you wished. you just looked exactly how you did that day i took you out on a picnic to watch the sunset on that hill that overlooked the town—without a care in the world and so very content. so i couldn’t confess now, when you were going places, the places you dreamed of and when your life would take off for the better. you were just getting started, yet i couldn’t say what i so desperately wanted to say when you simply told me you were leaving, and so soon at that. i didn’t want to hold you back and i just know you are telling me i wouldn’t have, but i know the truth as do you. you would have stayed behind because you care too enormously with your heart to ever let me go, to ever have me sorrowful. so i didn’t say anything when you backtracked and asked me what i wanted to say before you spilled the news. i was thinking more with my head rather than my heart at that juncture. you gazing at me with your star-filled eyes and dazzling smile, i couldn’t do it, no matter how much energy coursed through my veins. i kept my mouth shut and told you it was nothing. you accepted the excuse though i know you knew it was a lie. we could always tell when the other lied and i was just glad you believed it at that point. i held back my feelings and my wants for your feelings and wants—for your needs. your life, your wishes, and your desires always meant more to me than my own. so we took those graduation photos and laughed with the rest of our friends. we were joyful then even if the future remained imbalanced and unsure.

you left later that month since you had to settle into a new country, a new state, a new culture, and a new life. in that time it wouldn’t be us if we didn’t spend every minute side by side and we did since you wanted to cherish our time together—our last time together. you would be on one end of the world and i would be on the other, thousands of miles separating us and a wide expanding sea. it was surreal and it still is. so we treasured all of it, even the little moments of going to each other’s houses in the wee hours of the morning to just watch the sunrise or late at night to watch the stars, to go get ice-cream when we felt like it, to watch movies in your bedroom with the lights down low—to just bask in each other’s presence. we made even more memories, granted that we had plenty to go around. those last weeks with you were the best of my life, even if it felt like nothing was changing, even if it was our normal routine before the shift. even so it still made me fall deeper as i saw your true colors in an even brighter light as if i never truly saw you before. there was so much about you that just made me curious even if i knew every part of you, every aspect of your being, from the simple things like your favorite color to your hatred for pineapple on pizza, and to the deep things like your fear of being forgotten or not being good enough. even if i knew so much, there was still more to unravel and discover as you were so complex. there isn’t another person like you in the world. there can’t be since you are one of a kind. they may have your face or outward appearance, but they can’t have your fair heart or pure soul.

i shouldn’t have been dazed that these emotions i had for you would solely blossom beyond belief. i couldn’t protest either because i knew they would grow more fervent since it is so hard to control myself around you. i sound like a giddy schoolboy, but with you i can’t help but let everything run wild and free. i put my entire heart and being out onto a silver platter just for you and i knew you would only ever take good care of it. after all if anything they would be yours to either tear or mend.

so when that dreadful day arrived i wasn’t ready for the whirlwind of storm to be released and let loose. you were leaving and wouldn’t come back.

i had been in the car with you that day as well as with your parents since they were flying over with you in order to help you maneuver around a new territory and get you settled in before the start of your semester. i couldn’t bear to say goodbye to you before so i tagged along. we all strolled up to the gate and your parents passed through, leaving you with me so we could have some privacy to say everything we needed to say. albeit there weren't enough words in the world to tell you how i felt at that stage, enough words for the both of us. therefore, we let our actions speak louder. you latched onto me, putting your arms around my neck and hugged me so closed till i was sure there was no room between our bodies in that suffocating airport.

you know you told me a hundred times, maybe even a thousand times during those last weeks before you left, how much you loved me. how much i meant to you and how much you cared for me. i don’t even think the amount of times i heard that from other people could compare to how many times you said it. while they may have meant it, i know you truly did and that was the deepest sorrow to know, which broke me a little further. regardless, i did tell you them right back, how could i not when it was you? i told you those three words and eight letters every time in response, twenty-four hours and seven days a week, but when you said them there, in the midst of the crowd in the airport, it felt different. it felt more meaningful, like there was an underlying tone i couldn’t decipher and it broke me the furthest i could go.

tears came from me and you, flowing between our clashed bodies. they made their way down your face and stained my own, out of jubilation and utter devastation. when you said it in between your sobs, repeating the words like a mantra against my neck and pulled me in even closer, i told you those words back. i whispered them against your temple, kissing the side of your head every time i repeated them and i meant them with all my heart because i truly did love you, so much, just in a way you didn’t love me, and never could.

i was sure i couldn’t recover from your departure once i saw you walk through those gates and let go of me. i wondered if i could ever hold you back again like i did at that moment. it felt like a part of me was being left behind. we were two halves of a whole and with you going, there would always be a missing puzzle piece. a piece of me would always be incomplete and i didn’t know how to feel, nor do i now. there is a hole in my chest of where you belong and i think there always will be until we connect in person again.

looking back i still smile at that memory—at all our recollections together. the woeful ones and the euphoric ones because they help me burden the pain, the heartbreak at your withdrawal from my life. it may sound dramatic considering we are still part of each other’s lives, just not in the way we were before. for distance separates us and threatens to split us apart.

you may think it doesn’t, but we both know the actuality. distance is the cause of these things—friendships, relationships, and love breaking beyond a point that is impossible to fix. where all those things are left in the dust and are fragments of what once was. now distance endangers our own foundations, our own very little things, so it’s illogical not to think about how it might destroy us. i never was a pessimistic person, but now being miles away from you, it’s hard not to think this way. i try to block it out. i try so hard, but sometimes i can’t help but allow negativity to take over, for without you here to shed light, the darkness swallows me whole.

i already know how you look reading this letter, in fact i knew from the very start what it would result in. i knew your emotions would get the best of you as they overwhelm you and you can’t hold them in like you desire to. maybe it happened from the very start or maybe it started now, but i want you to stop the tears that are already cascading down your face. don’t cry reading this. this piece of paper is not worth your tears, even if you think the opposite way and maybe those words i just wrote don’t mean anything because you are already sobbing, but stop them before they consume you. i am not worthy of those tears nor is it my intention to ever make you weep.

you know you always said you couldn’t cry, your body wouldn’t let you wail even if you begged it to. you told me that the day your grandmother died and you came over to me after the funeral. you told me no matter how glum you were and how much pain you felt, you couldn’t mourn for your grandmother. that you pushed your body to release tears but it wouldn’t so you looked unmoving and without emotion during the service. while that may have been the truth just that once, i knew well enough that was a lie. you were numb to feeling since you lost someone, but you body did want to grieve since you were just holding yourself back from looking weak. nonetheless you never are so-called frail because you are the toughest person i know and tears don’t dictate that strength regardless.

so in the deepest part of your room, at the latest times of the night when you thought no one was looking or knew, you cried your heart out. you whimpered too often and i was able to tell even if i never voiced it, but somehow you knew that i knew and you were okay with it. you were okay with letting me know you were and are human. so every time when you would cry i told you that you were too beautiful for it, in order to give you a piece of how i saw you in my head. to allow you to understand it was okay and normal above all. even now, though i can’t see your tear stricken face, you are stunning. so don’t bawl, but rather smile for me.

good.

your smile was always one of my favorite characteristics of yours. the most blinding beam that could light up a room and make anyone forget their worries.

you know even if it may seem gloomy, blame the mood in which this letter took a turn, i still am grateful we keep in contact even if you are so many miles away, because that’s the only thing i ever wanted, to keep in touch with you—to remain best friends. a factor that we still are…(for now).

so yes, it may be six months since i last saw you face-to-face, six months since you left, six months since we managed to stay in contact, but i can just feel you slipping away, becoming someone without me by your side through it all. yes, i know you and i are still who we are since those months ago, since sophomore year, but it’s just something that i can’t help but feel.

in fact i already sense it, it is near, but yet far. you know how i know? when we were on call the other day. it was last wednesday i believe and we were chatting about how our day went, the usual things in our routine, that is until you casually mentioned someone asked you out on a date last week. the mere fact that you didn’t tell me the day of or the day after it happened hurt more than your following words, albeit they equally packed a punch. you told me it was that one boy from your history of psychology class, the boy you did countless assignments with before, the boy you befriended nearly the first day your classes started. the boy i felt would take my spot from your life, if not as your lover, then as your best friend. i forgot his name, but i recollect you said he had that incorrupt look on his face that you perceived him to be pure the first day you laid eyes on him, although after learning more about him, he was far from being innocent. you told me in explicit detail what he looked like and the personality he had. i recall bits and pieces, even if i desperately tried to forget. delicate hands, an artistic gift, a slightly short stature, a cute grin, and a savage attitude to contradict the façade. exactly like you, exactly like the day i met you with your sharp tongue and doe eyes in the library, the complete opposite of each other. while i know i reach far in many regards calling him a soon to be lover or best friend, he still has potential even if he may not have any of those labels. i know he might not be the one—the one you’ll end up marrying in a few years down the road when you have a doctor’s degree in one hand and a ring on the other, but he might as well be. he might as well be that man because the future is unimaginable to foretell, but he can still be that shell of someone you want, he can still fill the void until the time comes. so yes, he very much will have your heart for a while, if you deem him worthy enough, if you pursue him the way he wants to pursue you. the way you were talking about him with your tone and the smile i could hear it in your voice gave it away. i knew something was there and you would give it a shot. he might be one of many before you find the ideal one over the years and he very well might be the one, but even if he was not, he would be your first in more ways than i was. he’ll be someone i wish i could have been. someone i wish would allow me to shoot my shot, but i didn’t since with all my talk i still, deep down, was a coward.

you can’t say i am wrong anyways since sometime, someday, some when it will happen. however, what still remains, in this bit, right now, as you read, is that we are still y/n and mark. mark and y/n. we are still us, but why does it feel like we aren’t at the same time?

it’s a deep question i must admit, it is what keeps me up some nights as i search for the answer and ponder for the meaning. i still don’t know the full answer, but i know enough. we are growing up. we are growing up y/n. we aren’t 15 anymore. we aren’t those sophomore kids that had no idea what the real world had in store and were gullible in every way, shape, and form. we simply aren’t high schoolers who only cared about our grades or appearance or the plans we had after school. we aren’t those kids. we are slowly becoming adults. we are slowing steering away from our teenage years and in that comes this question of self-identity.

who are we?

that is what we are trying to look for. we are finding who we are through everything we do—through our daily lives. we are finding ourselves…without the other. we have been so close for so long and grew into that space in an unhealthy amount of time. we grew accustomed to each other’s presence so now it is almost unbearable being apart for so long. we became so attached we don’t know what to do with ourselves and it’s the cold hard reality. it’s the truth that we don’t know ourselves individually, only together and that’s why it hurts more than ever that we have to be led astray, sometime soon. to know that soon enough that time will come. to know that yes, we still contact each other every day, we still have our weekly face times or calls and what you deem our “online friend dates” during the weekends, but as often as they are, they will change. we will no longer have the time to do that as college gets crazier for both of us, as we become more involved in a college life full of parties, friends, clubs, and whatever else it may be as we move out of being freshmen and get closer to our real life careers. you and i will know when that happens as our calls will become less frequent, our check-ins almost nonexistent with the other being left in the dust for days to weeks to months on end. we merely won’t be in contact anymore and i am sorry when that comes, my love. we’ll forget each other, its expected especially as we grow older, as we date, as we find love, as we befriend new people, as we move in the direction we are meant to be going and with that the worst part follows because i know sooner or later we will have to let each other go, if we don’t neglect. we can’t hold each other back and we will dwindle to a memory of what once was, of a simpler time before. i will be the forgotten one, the one in the background of your most prominent memories, someone you can’t help but look back on.

although we aren’t there yet, but we will be.

soon.

even if at this point you hate how many times i have written that word and so do i, but don’t you dare take the high road since we all know at some point all marvelous friendships die for an unexplainable reason or reasons. ours would just have to be because of life. that’s what makes life well...life. it is all part of the journey, the road to an unforeseeable future, but there can still be hope, it doesn’t just diminish like a candle flame put out by a gust of wind. no, hope still exists, you just have to grasp it when it comes around.

if. i always hated the word if, but if it’s meant to be then we will find each other, we will come around full circle at some point. have hope for both of us when i have none.

still, when you get this, it may be too late. maybe you will have unremembered about me in the seconds of time in between the unwavering silence. only then would we have both moved on, since there is no point in reaching out for something that isn’t worth saving when it all faded away before. only then will i be just a memory and reading this will spark those thought of i knew him once before during a ephemeral moment in my life when i was a teen in high school rather than a college student, but i know i am not late.

it is one thing i am sure of.

until then, until that foreboding time arrives i’ll hold dear what we have. i will try to preserve this friendship for both of our sakes until it’s time to say goodbye or more accurately a see you later if you want to be hopeful.

whenever that may be.

i know you hate goodbyes more than anything, the word itself rattles in your bones. so y/n, see you soon, in person—someday if it’s what’s right.

it has to be right doesn’t it?

fate has to be on our side because it knows us, it knows that there isn’t me without you and there isn’t you without me. when that time arrives of us seeing each other or withering away like every flower does at the end of its life, i hope, i pray that you won’t forget me as i most certainly won’t forget you.

so just call to mind in everything you do, in everything you say, dwell on the time before college—of a time when you were a child, someone lost, someone finding themselves and in it all remember there was someone who loved you before. someone who loved you at your worst as well as at your best, before you became who you were truly meant to be, and he loved you with all his heart.

he promises he always will.

that he is me.

i love you, y/n l/n. always and forever.

never forget it.

yours truly,

mark lee  

on march 16th, 20XX at approximately 8:02pm mark lee sealed his letter to y/n and put it in his coat pocket. on march 17th, 20XX at approximately 10:32am mark lee made his way to the postal office to drop off his letter and at 10:36am the letter dropped into the box on its way to the united states. on march 20th at approximately 11:42am mark lee’s letter arrived at the massachuesetts postal office and was separated upon arrival to be delivered sometime within the week. on march 22nd at 2:07pm, mark lee’s letter arrived at y/n’s apartment complex and was dropped in the inboxes of the residents. on march 24th at approximately 7:02am y/n went to pick up the mail, but what wasn’t in the pile was the letter from mark lee. sometime between when the letter arrived in the states to the mailman driving to the complex, his letter had gotten lost. the truck’s windows were open and mark lee’s letter was at the top of the pile when the truck was parked. an unsettling breeze was felt against the mailman’s face as he gripped the entire pile of mail, though mere seconds before the letter was picked up by the wind and whooshed onto the ground several feet away. the mailman did not take note and continued on, not noticing something was missing. y/n never received mark lee’s letter and neither of them would have known how things would have ended up differently if she had. for from that point on they would be a fading memory to each other and their friendship would wane away. y/n would begin to forget the calls with mark. mark would no longer reach out after months of silence from both parties. y/n would date the boy she told mark about, his name was huang renjun and they would fall in love, but mark would never know his name or know what came to be. they would become strangers and not best friends. lost to the tragic distance that separated them across the sea. if only y/n received the letter. if only mark lee confessed. if only he had know y/n felt the same. if only their friendship hadn’t evanescenced into nonexistence…like all unrequited love stories do.