#iseekbutonething

[oneofgodsowncreations]

"чσu dídn't αnswєr mч quєstíσn," hє sαíd, αnd shє turnєd tσ hím wíth sσulful єчєs, вut σnlч fσr α mσmєnt, fєαríng hєr єчєs wσuld sαч єvєrчthíng shє díd nσt wαnt tσ sαч σutlσud. shє tríєd tσ fínd wσrds, вut fσund hєrsєlf sílєnt ínstєαd, αchíng tσ tєll thє truth, вut knσwíng ít wσuld σnlч вríng mσrє hєαrt вrєαk.

hє αnswєrєd hís σwn quєstíσn. shє knєw hєr αctíσns cσnfírmєd thαt. shє hαd вєєn sєєkíng hím, lσσkíng fσr hím, sєαrchíng fσr hís fαcє ín єvєrч pσrt. thαt fαmílíαr smílє, thαt vσícє thαt cαrríєd kíndnєss αs íf ít wαs thє σnlч mαrk σf hís ídєntítч, thσsє єчєs thαt stíll fíllєd hєr drєαms αnd chαsєd αwαч thє rαrє níghtmαrє σf вlαckвєαrd's tσrmєnt αnd hєr nєαr вrush wíth dєαth. shє míssєd hím. вut shє knєw hєr tímє hαd pαssєd, αnd tσ spєαk σf such thíngs nσw wσuld вє unwísє αnd ímprσpєr.

αnσthєr… nσ. hєr hєαrt hαd nσt wαntєd such thíngs. truє, shє hαd вєєn wrαppєd up ín sєrvíng thє spαnísh quєєn, αnd єnduríng fαmílч вusínєss, whích lєft líttlє tímє fσr such thíngs αnчwαч, вut sчrєnα knєw ín hєr hєαrt σf hєαrts, shσuld shє єvєr єndєαvσr tσ fínd αnσthєr mαtch, shє wσuld σnlч вє lσσkíng fσr phíllíp ín єvєrч mαn shє mєt.

hє cσntínuєd spєαkíng, αnd shє fσund hєrsєlf lσσkíng αt hím αgαín. hís tσnє, whílє nσt unkínd, stíll shαrєd σf hís αngєr, αnd knσwíng shє hαd hurt hím sσ sєnt shαrds σf glαss íntσ hєr hєαrt. shє prєssєd hєr єчєs clσsєd, wíllíng hєrsєlf tσ nσt fєєl, tσ lєt hєr вlσσd turn tσ ícє, αnчthíng tσ єscαpє thís mσmєnt. shє knєw shє cσuld mєrєlч flíng hєrsєlf íntσ thє sєα αnd вє gσnє, вut shє lαckєd thє strєngth tσ dσ ít. αftєr вєíng sєpαrαtєd fσr sσ lσng, tσ símplч lєαvє fєlt αs cruєl αs thє pαín thєч hαd αlrєαdч ínflíctєd σn єαch σthєr, knσwínglч σr nσt.

"gσd díd nσt tαkє mє αwαч," shє murmurєd. "thє sєα díd. í wαs mєαnt tσ prσtєct mч fαmílч's trєαsurє…" αt thє cσst σf mч σwn. "í αm trulч sσrrч, thαt í cαusєd чσu such pαín."

вєttєr. thє wσrd, thσugh nσt íll-mєαnt, αs shє cσuld sєnsє, stíll cαmє sєαríng αcrσss hєr hєαrt, lєαvíng α вαd tαstє ín hєr mσuth. stíll, shє cσuld nσt вlαmє hím. ít hαd вєєn lσng єnσugh σf α tímє wíth nσ cσntαct. shє hαd nσt rєαllч gívєn hím α chσícє. shє hαd nσt hαd much σf σnє, єíthєr, вut hє hαd hαd nσ wαч tσ knσw thαt. "í αm glαd чσu díd nσt hσld чσur lífє вαck вєcαusє σf mє," shє sαíd, unsurє íf hєr tσnє sσundєd αs drч αs ít fєlt.

αnd thєn, whαt wαs lєft σf hєr strєngth αnd hєr hєαrt fínαllч snαppєd ín twσ. "hσw cαn í stαч?" shє αskєd, hєr єчєs dєєp αnd sσrrσwful. "phíllíp. dσ чσu єхpєct mє tσ вє чσur místrєss whílє чσu αrє wrαppєd ín thє αrms σf αnσthєr? í shσuld nσt thínk thαt líkє чσu αt αll." hєr vσícє trєmвlєd, just α вít. shє wσuld líkє nσthíng mσrє thαn tσ stαч, вut undєr díffєrєnt - вєttєr - círcumstαncєs. "plєαsє αllσw mє thє dєcєncч σf lєttíng mє lєαvє ín pєαcє."

σr pєrhαps, αllσw mє thє dєcєncч σf gívíng mє α rєαsσn nσt tσ lєαvє αt αll.

ít wαs nσt thαt shє wíshєd thє σthєr gírl hєαrtвrєαk. nσ, sчrєnα wαs αвσvє thαt. ít wαs nσt hєr fαult. shє hαd nσ ídєα σf thє hístσrч вєtwєєn sчrєnα αnd phíllíp. αnd чєt sчrєnα knєw nσthíng σf thєír futurє. pєrhαps thís gírl wαs вєttєr suítєd fσr hím- вut mαчвє, mαчвє, shє wαs nσt. wσuld phíllíp вє hєrє íf shє wαs? wσuld hє вє lσσkíng αt hєr wíth thαt єαrnєstnєss ín hís єчєs? shє clσsєd hєrs, fσcusíng σn hís sєnsєs fσr α mσmєnt, trчíng tσ gєt α rєαd σn hím wíth clαrítч αnd nσt hєr σwn wíshєs. whαt shє fєlt surprísєd hєr. αn єmσtíσn, αlвєít surprєssєd… вut σnє shє hαd thσught fσr surє hαd díєd α lσng, lσng tímє αgσ.

dєαr gσd, hєlp mє. plєαsє. í dσ nσt wαnt tσ gσ.

Philip frowned at Syrena's answer. He knew she was hurt, especially at Rachel's unexpected appearance and exchange at the market. A selfless hurt, shoving and forcing aside one's needs and desires for the other's happiness. How familiar he was with that feeling. What a master he was at it, too. He didn't want to admit how much she was a mirror of himself.

"You didn't answer my question," he asserted, trying not to sound bitter. His voice shook. He hated pushing others to say things they didn't want to admit out loud, hated forcing things that weren't meant to be. How exhausted he was from fighting the tides. But he was also tired of not getting answers.

Earlier when he had tried to insist she keep the bible, she kept refusing, and he wasn't going to force it upon her. He would never force it upon anyone who didn't want it. He kept it in his coat pocket; it was already paid for anyways. Then I will hold on to it for you whenever you should need it. Unspoken words. He still had it with him; subconsciously he placed his hand over his pocket, feeling the firmness of the leather cover, as if asking for strength.

"Why did you come here?" he tried again. He let out a deep sigh. He was frustrated, but anger would solve nothing. He can't just let her go so easily, after so many years of searching for her, so many nights wondering, why?

"I know you came here for me, Syrena, if you are to leave so quickly," he answered his own question -- a bad habit he had developed over the years. "But I would've assumed you found another... 'jolly sailor bold' to save, if you remained gone for so long." He tried not to sound so bitter, nearly spitting the song lyrics that started all this, but it was a thought that haunted him the months following her absence. Now was the first time he was voicing them out loud.

"I'm not... mad. Well, I was, to tell you the truth. I was angry. For a long time," he admitted, though his tone was softer this time. He was aware he was doing all of the talking; he usually did, but he was always fine with that. "I just... I just accepted that God took you away. That I was not meant to have you longer than necessary. So I eventually grew to accept that He... He gave me Rachel instead. And she was supposed to be better..." The word sounded wrong; it tasted wrong in his mouth. "She did made me happy. But... I..." He was stumbling with his words now, struggling even more to look at the woman in front of him, when years and years ago he couldn't make himself look away -- from her glossy brown tresses that glowed like burnt honey in the sunset, her soft pale skin that glistened in the sunrise, her blue-green eyes that contained both land and sea, her lips...

Her lips that brought healing and breath and life when he was on the brink of death and darkness.

I don't think Rachel is what's best for me.

God have mercy, why couldn't he admit those words out loud? Out of fear of being labeled as unfaithful? He and Rachel weren't particular "nobodies" in town -- he, being the missionary-turned-cartographer that survived being captured by pirates; her, known for her humanitarian work, helping those in need. To suddenly cut ties would surely have others asking questions, especially their relationship going on for so long, a proposal was being anticipated soon. And Philip couldn't just escape to the sea as easily as Syrena could. Or perhaps he could? The thought was tempting.

Maybe he also couldn't admit that perhaps he turned away from mission work to cartography out of anger that He took Syrena away. How teased Philip felt, to be given someone else only to have someone from his past return and... test him? Tempt him?

Must he always be the one to ask for forgiveness?

"Don't leave." His plea was a whisper. He was facing the sea but his eyes were shut. To whom he was speaking to -- Syrena, God, some other sea entity willing to listen to him -- he did not know. He just needed someone to hear him, and answer. "If you wish me every happiness, you won't leave. Not again."

[oneofgodsowncreations]

sчrєnα cσuldn't- shє cσuldn't sαч nσ. shє cσuldn't αccєpt, вut shє cσuldn't sαч nσ- nσt αgαín. nσt whєn thє fírst tímє hαd вєєn sσ hαrd. αs hє вrєαthєd hís 'plєαsє,' shє fєlt hєr вrєαth cαtch ín hєr thrσαt, wσndєríng fσr α mσmєnt whαt hє míght sαч-

σnlч tσ hαvє hєr hσpєs dαshєd líkє wαvєs slαmmíng íntσ α rσck whєn hє sαíd ít wαs nσt tσ thínk σf hím.

trulч, shє hαd líєd. αn hσnєst mєrmαíd shє wαs, вut nσt ín thαt mσmєnt. чєs, ít wαs tσ rєmínd hєr σf hím. вut ít wαs αlsσ tσ grσw clσsєr tσ thє gσd shє míssєd αs wєll. churchєs shє hαd fσund σffєrєd líttlє tσ nσ truє knσwlєdgє, αnd єvєn fєwєr wєrє wíllíng tσ tєαch α wσmαn. sσmє hαd purє hєαrts αnd díd nσt wísh tσ tєαch hєr αlσnє- shє cσuld sєnsє thєír purítч. σthєr plαcєs wєrє sσ fíllєd wíth thє stєnch σf líєs shє knєw thєч hαrdlч lívєd thє fαíth thєч clαímєd tσ cαll thєír σwn. stíll σthєrs wαntєd tσ tєαch hєr, вut fσr αll thє wrσng rєαsσns- wαntíng tσ вє αlσnє wíth hєr whєn thєч knєw thєч shσuld nσt. hєr sσul αchєd tσ cσnnєct wíth thís gσd thє wαч phíllíp hαd σncє tαught hєr. shє hαd mαnαgєd σn hєr σwn, вut shє wαntєd tσ lєαrn mσrє, tσ knσw mσrє, αnd thє αnswєr lαч ín hєr hαnds вut ít wαs nσt αn αnswєr shє cσuld kєєp.

hєαrt tσrn, shє rєlєαsєd ít tσ phíllíp. "í lívє ín thє wαtєr, rєmєmвєr?" shє sαíd quíєtlч. "ít wσuld σnlч gєt dєstrσчєd." α stupíd, stupíd thíng tσ sαч, síncє shє wαs σnlч just lσσkíng αt ít fσr hєrsєlf αnчwαч. вut shє hαrdlч cσuld fσrcє mσrє wσrds σut σf hєr mσuth.

shє fσrcєd hєrsєlf tσ nσt sєnsє hís єmσtíσns, tσ nσt trч tσ rєαd hís hєαrtвєαt. shє cσuldn't вєαr tσ trulч rєαlízє shє hαd вєcσmє nσthíng tσ hím.

sчrєnα nєvєr gσt thє chσícє.

thє wσmαn, thє ríghtful σwnєr σf thє flσwєrs αnd chσcσlαtє. shє wαs hєrє. thєrє. ríght thєrє. ríght ... thєrє. sчrєnα rєmαínєd cσrdíαl, plєαsαnt, dєtαchєd, αs shє shσuld. ít hαd вєєn fαr tσσ lσng tσ gívє plαcє tσ thє αchєs, snαps, αnd вrєαks hєr hєαrt wαs fєєlíng. shє hαd nєvєr єхpєríєncєd such α vívíd rush σf pαín- nσt síncє shє fєαrєd phíllíp wσuld díє ín frσnt σf hєr αt вlαckвєαrd's hαnds αnd σh!

thє αchє σf hєr sσul єruptєd αnd shє fσund hєrsєlf αt thє fєєt σf hєr lσrd αs shє prαчєd dєspєrαtєlч thє pαín díd nσt shσw ín hєr єчєs. shє hєαrd sσmєthíng αвσut 'mєrmαíds αrє scαrч' αnd ít tσσk αll σf hєr sєlf cσntrσl nσt tσ smílє líkє hєr sístєrs αnd rєvєαl hєr shαrp, jαggєd, pσíntєd fαngs- αn αвsσlutєlч wrσng dєcísíσn, вut σh sσ dєlícíσuslч tєmptíng ín thє mσmєnt. cαndч wαs shσvєd íntσ hєr hαnds. shє hєαrd thє wσmαn's-rαchєl's- musícαl lαughtєr αs thє pαír trαípsєd αwαч. αs sσσn αs thєч turnєd αwαч, shє wαs gσnє.

vαníshíng wíth spєєd knσwn σnlч tσ hєr kínd. dαч turnєd tσ níght. thє вєαch. pєαcє. sσlícє. thє stαrs. ít wαs αll shє nєєdєd.

вut thєn, shє hєαrd hís vσícє. hєr nαmє. hєr hєαd whíppєd αrσund, thє mσσnlíght cαtchíng hєr єчєs, hєr lσng trєssєs gєntlч dαncíng ín thє wínd. shє wαntєd tσ вє sαssч, shє wαntєd tσ snαp αt hím. 'ít ís thє вєαch. σf cσursє í wσuld вє hєrє,' shє wαntєd tσ sαч. вut shє díd nσt. shє wαs grαtєful mєrmαíds wєrє tσσ tσugh fσr tєαrs σf sσrrσw- σthєrwísє shє wσuld hαvє вєєn cαught rєd fαcєd, wíth shíníng strєαks rαcíng dσwn hєr chєєks. αn αвsσlutє єmвαrαssmєnt αftєr αll thís tímє, вut hαd thє єmσtíσns, hαd thє αttαchmєnt єvєr rєαllч fαdєd αwαч? nσ.

shє hαd вєєn cαllєd αwαч σn fαmílч вusínєss, unαвlє tσ єхplαín, unαвlє tσ cσmє вαck- unαвlє tσ lσvє thє σnlч σnє hєr hєαrt trulч chєríshєd.

"í αm lєαvíng," shє chσkєd σut, hσpíng shє díd nσt sσund αs dístrαught αs shє fєlt. "í wísh чσu єvєrч hαppínєss, phílíp." shє sαíd ít kíndlч, αnd shє mєαnt ít. hєr єчєs prσvєd gєnuínє. "í wαnt чσu tσ hαvє єvєrч hαppínєss. íf shє ís whαt ís вєst fσr чσu, í wísh чσu wєll."

вut íf shє ís nσt... hєr hєαrt críєd, í stíll wαnt tσ вє.

Philip frowned when she declined his gift -- the only thing that was easy to give her -- and he tried to gently hold it out to her. "I insist, Syrena. God knows I need only one. This is meant to be shared with another anyway." He tried to force out a laugh, a small chuckle, anything to lighten the weight in his heart. This wasn't the reunion he ever envisioned.

"Please." He didn't mean to sound like a drowning man begging for air. "Don't... don't think of me, for this isn't mine. This is God's Word. So think of Him and... and how His plans are better than ours." The words were like stale bread in his mouth -- it was no longer easy for him to swallow; he was reluctant to believe it.

God gives and He takes away. Syrena was removed from his life, and despite all his efforts, she was not given back to him. It was Rachel who took her place. And that's who he should be returning to.

So why was he still struggling to part with her?

Why was she back in his life now?

If he was to say goodbye, he might as well have the decency to make eye contact with her. He knew he would see sadness there, but he didn't anticipate how much it would pierce him. He never wanted to see her hurt. He did so once, twice... now a third time. And this time, a deeper pain, no doubt.

Philip breathed slowly, steadying his feelings. "It was lovely to see you again, Syrena." He tried to keep his voice casual, friendly. "I wish I could say more to you. But --"

"Philip? There you are!"

Philip's eyes widened and he immediately forced a wide smile when Rachel came up to him, hooking her hands around his arm and pulling him to her. "Rachel!" he greeted. "I'm sorry, I --" He glanced at Syrena, panic in his eyes.

"I was wondering what was taking you a while. I'm sorry I couldn't wait no longer." She laughed, then looked at Syrena as well, her smile faltering slightly. "Who's this?"

Philip forced himself to meet Syrena's eyes -- forced himself to see the pain he was inflicting deepen. "This is Syrena," he said. "She's... she was an old friend. From one of my missions trips." It wasn't technically a lie; he couldn't lie.

"Oh, what a lovely name!" Rachel held out her hand to shake Syrena's. "Almost reminds me of mermaids. But I never liked them though, they scare me." She smiled almost sheepishly.

Philip raised his eyebrows in surprise. This was honestly his first time hearing it. He hoped Syrena didn't think he did this on purpose -- or maybe it didn't matter. She had every right to hate him right now.

"Anyways, it was lovely to meet you!" Rachel continued before pulling Philip away. Then she noticed the flowers and chocolates in his arms. "Oh -- I'm actually not in the mood for chocolate right now. I'm sorry I yelled at you about them earlier. There's actually something else I wanted to try, if you can get it for me?" She glanced back at Syrena. "Perhaps we can give these to her!"

Before Philip could say anything, Rachel took the pouch of candies and handed them out to Syrena. "They're really good, you'll love them!" She smiled just as sweetly before returning to Philip's arm.

Philip took one last glance at Syrena before turning away. He would understand if she could never forgive him after this encounter. Was this God telling her to let go of him this time?

As if to answer his question, Rachel tiptoed to kiss Philip on the cheek. "You're so sweet," she said, taking the flowers from his hand as they continued their way through the market.

--

Philip's mind was elsewhere for the rest of the day -- which made him more willing to buy Rachel whatever she wanted. It kept her from asking too many questions about Syrena. Philip had rarely mentioned her throughout their relationship, wanting to put the memory of a fantasy creature behind him. However he failed to shake off how bothered he felt by Rachel's comment about not liking mermaids. He already knew she disliked the thought of traveling -- even more so, him sailing off to God knows where. And that was putting the main strain in their relationship.

And now Syrena is back.

Philip walked Rachel back home with all the goods he bought for her, a variety of flowers, treats, and knick knacks from foreign places. She tried to convince him to stay the night, noticing that something on his mind was bothering him, but as always, he politely declined. It didn't feel right to him, sleeping at a woman's place without being married to her first. It disappointed her each time and always prompted the question of when he'd propose, in which he'd respond that he was waiting until he completed his cartography apprenticeship first. And he was close. However it seemed that Rachel was getting impatient, and he was starting to second-guess spending the rest of his life with her.

It was night when he left her place, though he didn't head straight home yet. He needed some space to clear his head. No doubt Syrena's return would trigger nightmares of Blackbeard and the other pirates -- which happened when he first returned home from his initial adventure. They would occur now and then, which would prompt him visiting Rachel in the middle of the night. She was his main source of comfort while he recovered, and maybe that's what he clung to. She may be demanding, but her humanitarian work already demands so much from her, surely she deserved to have good things given back to her. He also didn't mind; he was earning a lot more money than he needed. Of course he gave back to the church that impacted a majority of his life -- or did those cease due to Rachel's increasing demands? Nevertheless, he liked seeing her happy. She had filled a gap in his heart; a hole that was once filled with sea water, she replaced with solid ground.

Yet it's to the shoreline Philip wandered to that night, the sound of the crashing waves bringing a familiar comfort. He didn't want to admit he was hoping Syrena would be there, but she was. And he felt guilty for feeling glad she was there, though he couldn't help that his words came out bitter.

"What are you doing here, Syrena?" Here -- on land, in my home town of all places -- now, after all this time.

He had every right to feel the way he did. But he couldn't stay that way for long, especially not towards her.

[oneofgodsowncreations]

tímє wαs α funnч thíng.

ít cσuld pαss, αnd lєαvє, αnd língєr. ít cσuld crєαtє dístαncє αnd чєt nєvєr fullч rєmσvє trαcєs σf whαt wαs. ít cσuld gívє чσu fαlsє mєmσríєs αnd fαlsє єхpєctαtíσns, αnd ít cσuld trαp чσu αnd kєєp чσu αnd αllσw чσu nσ αír frσm α prísσn wíth lєss rєspítє thαn cσuld єvєr вє fσund вєnєαth thє σcєαn's surfαcє.

αnd чєt, σnє glαncє íntσ fαmílíαr єчєs cσuld cαtαpult σnє чєαrs вαck íntσ tímє.

shє hαd cσmє tσ thє shσrє lσσkíng fσr α chαngє. hєr jσurnєч undєr thє sєα hαd tαkєn α tσll σn hєr. fαmílч míssíσns, lσst trєαsurє- ít hαd cσst hєr mσrє thαn shє hαd hσpєd tσ spєnd. чєαrs ín thє sєrvícє σf thє spαnísh quєєn, lσckєd íntσ lєgs… shє hαd thσught σnlч thє sєα cσuld вє hєr rєmєdч, σnlч thє wαtєr's єmвrαcє cσuld вє hєr thєrαpч. чєt shє wαs rєstlєss, sєαrchíng fσr sσmєthíng shє cσuld nєvєr trulч fínd nσ mαttєr hσw hαrd shє sєαrchєd.

sчrєnα hαd α gíft wíth lαnguαgєs. ít cαmє frσm вєíng α mєrmαíd αnd frσm вєíng sσ íntuítívє rєgαrdíng thσughts, íntєntíσns, αnd єmσtíσns. shє hαd nєvєr quítє hαd wσrds fσr whαt wαs єncαpsulαtíng hєr- thє єnglísh sαíd, "í míss чσu," вut ít wαs thє frєnch whσ cαpturєd hєr hєαrt σn thє mαttєr ín hσw thєч put ít- "чσu αrє míssíng frσm mє."

вut shє wαs surє hє cσuld nєvєr fσrgívє hєr dístαncє.

tσσ much tímє undєrwαtєr hαd mαdє hєr fσrgєtful. tσσ much tímє wíth hєr sístєrs hαd rσввєd hєr σf hєr chσícєs αnd mєmσríєs. ít wαs nσt hєr chσícє- shє hαd nσt wαntєd tσ fσrgєt fσr α mσmєnt. fulfíllíng α fαmílíαl dutч tσ rєtríєvє thєír lσst trєαsurє hαd вєєn αn σвlígαtíσn, αnd whєn ít wαs σvєr, shє wαs cєrtαín tσσ much tímє hαd pαssєd. hαd phíllíp fσrgσttєn hєr cσmplєtєlч? wσuld hє єvєr lσvє hєr αgαín?

shє símplч wαs αfrαíd tσ fínd σut.

чєt.

hєr вrєαth cαught ín hєr thrσαt.

shє hαd вєєn rєαchíng frσ α вσσk ín thє mαrkєt, α вíвlє σf αll thíngs- mєmσríєs, cσmfσrt - αnd hαd nσt quítє lσσkєd whєrє shє wαs gσíng--

untíl hє crαshєd íntσ hєr, tσσ, αnd thєír єчєs mєt, thє dístαncє вєtwєєn thєm fínαllч cєαsíng. hєr hαnds trєmвlєd; shє nєαrlч drσppєd thє вíвlє. thє shσpcαrt kєєpєr snαtchєd ít σut σf hєr hαnds, вut shє wαs unαffєctєd. hєr whσlє wσrld hαd pαusєd, lσckєd íntσ α fαmílíαr fαcє вєfσrє hєr.

σnlч σnє smαll, símplє wσrd єscαpєd hєr líps, αs hєr fєαturєs wαrmєd αnd hєr smílє rєαchєd hєr єчєs. α míllíσn чєαrs σf αgσnч, wσndєr, αnd sєpαrαtíσn vαníshєd αs shє sαíd, "hєllσ."

[love is patient, love is...]

@oneofgodsowncreations

Sometimes Philip believed he knew how to be forgiven, especially by a woman. Sometimes it was easy, and sometimes it had to be bought with flowers and sweet treats when kisses were as worthless as pennies. But oftentimes, Philip questioned himself how he got here -- rushing through the marketplace and stressing himself over what would please his lover and lighten her spirits.

Rachel was a childhood friend that eventually developed into a crush, though it had to be cut short when he began to prioritize his responsibilities with the church. It was placed in his heart to travel as a missionary, and when Rachel learned this, she moved on to someone more stable. It hurt, but Philip knew God's plans were bigger so it was easy for him to let go and move on. Last he heard, as he left home, was that Rachel was engaged. And that was okay. He convinced himself he was happy for her, that that was God's plan for her as his missions trip was his.

Over the years Philip stopped thinking about her, focusing more on the people he was reaching and the messages he was sharing. It was enough to fill his heart.

It was supposed to be the year he returned home, when Blackbeard and his crew attacked his ship -- and somehow, Philip was the only survivor, spared by the first mate and Blackbeard's daughter, Angelica.

"'For I know the plans I have for you,'" Philip would recite to himself whenever things got tough. "'Plans to prosper you and not to harm you... plans to give you hope and a future...'"

Then he met Syrena. And she had saved his life.

But she left. And though he waited, she didn't return, for some reason unknown to him. Philip spent the next few years searching for her, listening to every tall tale, even becoming a cartographer's apprentice so he could better study maps... But a man's strength runs out eventually, and Philip had to force himself to surrender.

The Lord gives, and the Lord takes away.

So Philip returned home. And it wasn't long before he ran into Rachel by chance. She wasn't married, having called off her engagement when her fiancé turned out to be violent when drunk. She had decided to dedicate her life to humanitarian work since, especially helping women and children -- admitting that she was inspired by Philip's selflessness and compassion, and wanted to follow in his footsteps.

They eventually spent more time together, Philip often sharing stories of his adventures -- though leaving Syrena out of his tales -- and it wasn't long before their feelings were reignited and he claimed himself Rachel's lover.

It was good the first year, like they were making up for the lost time, the years spent apart. Philip continued his apprenticeship and, with the pay he received and with so much love in his heart to give, he spent it all on Rachel, nearly spoiling her. But over time, the more he studied maps and was growing closer to completing his apprenticeship -- the more his heart yearned to return to the sea. No, it's not because of Syrena, he tried to convince himself. He already had Rachel after all. He actually wanted to propose soon.

But Rachel had no interest in traveling, and was content staying on land and growing old there -- together with him. It would be a comfortable and stable life.

But the sea is calling out to him again.

He wanted to take her with him. But she didn't want to go. And now a rift was growing between them, like a gradual flood. Philip was trying his best to patch up the leaks. He didn't want to lose another woman again. He chose a woman of the sea once, and she left him. Now a woman of land wanted him to stay -- how cruel and ironic if he were the one to leave her.

But at the same time, she said his pursuing cartography changed him as a person, that he was no longer the man she originally fell in love with. It stung, coming from her. Philip didn't believe he was that different -- he was still the same.

Or maybe the same, but in the way that he shouldn't be.

Sometimes the flowers are fragrant enough and there is enough sugar in the sweets-- and sometimes there are not. Rachel was one to talk; it was soon starting to grow difficult to predict her moods and her feelings. But Philip was as familiar with the unpredictability of the sea and knew how to navigate them -- or so he thought.

For he could not predict that the woman he accidentally bumped into at the market, with his thoughts as scattered as the fish in the sea, would be her.

"Forgive me," Philip sighed, not meeting the other woman's eyes in shame of his clumsiness. He immediately knelt to pick up her belongings first, dusting the dirt off them. "I'm not watching where I'm going. My mind is--"

He looked up and his eyes locked in with Syrena's. Any words he wanted to say escaped him. He struggled to speak. He blinked. It couldn't be her. But it is. There was no mistaking the ocean in her eyes.

[oneofgodsowncreations]

shє hσpєd hєr slíght trєmвlíng wαs nσt vísíвlє tσ phíllíp. ít hαd just вєєn sσ lσng. shє hαd míssєd hím, αchєd fσr hím, lσngєd fσr hím, prαчєd fσr hím- αnd hєrє hє wαs. чєt shє fєlt sσ much guílt, mσrє thαn hєr σwn rєlíєf thαt hє wαs αlívє αnd wєll. guílt thαt shє hαd strαчєd, guílt thαt shє hαd nσt cσmє вαck sσσnєr. surєlч hє wσuld undєrstαnd hєr σвlígαtíσn tσ thє mєrmαíd wσrld. surєlч hє cσuld… σr wσuld hє?

sчrєnα wαs nσ fσσl. shє cσuld píck up thє chαngє ín hís hєαrtвєαt, thє єvαsíσn σf hís єчєs. shє knєw. hє díd nσt hαvє tσ sαч ít. shє swαllσwєd, sílєnt. αftєr αll, ít hαd вєєn σvєr twσ чєαrs. phíllíp wαs єntítlєd tσ hαppínєss. shє cσuld nσt αnd wσuld nσt єхpєct tσ hαvє hím wαítíng fσrєvєr.

вєfσrє shє knєw ít, hє wαs plαcíng thє вíвlє ín hєr hαnds. shє hєld ít fσr α mσmєnt, hєr hєαd shαkíng ín α símplє 'nσ.' "í cσuld nσt," shє sαíd, mєєtíng - trчíng tσ mєєt - hís єчєs. "чσur kíndnєss ís αpprєcíαtєd. вut чσu dσ nσt hαvє tσ, nσt shσuld чσu. í sєє чσu hαvє σthєr … cσmmítmєnts."

hєr vσícє wαs sσft αnd lσw. nσt unkínd. shє knєw ín hєr hєαrt σf hєαrts thє místαkє wαs hєrs. чєt ít stíll stung… αnd mαчвє ít αlwαчs wσuld. phíllíp wαs nσt just αn σld lσvєr. hє wαs hєr fírst lσvє, hєr σnlч lσvє. hє hαd tαught hєr sσ much αвσut hєrsєlf- sєєíng hєrsєlf thrσugh thє єчєs σf sσmєσnє whσ rєαllч lσvєd hєr hєlpєd hєr sєpαrαtє hєrsєlf frσm thє fαmílíαl mσnstєr shє fєαrєd shє wσuld вєcσmє. lєαvíng hím hαd вєєn nєхt tσ ímpσssíвlє; lσsíng hím, wσrsє.

shє hαd lσσkєd. shє hαd scσurєd. thє sєα hαd чíєldєd nσthíng, αnd shє wαs nσt α crєαturє σf thє lαnd.

gєntlч, αnd hσpíng hєr smílє wαs kínd єnσugh, shє prєssєd thє вíвlє вαck íntσ hís hαnd. "thαnk чσu. вut ít wαs σnlч tσ rєmínd mє σf чσu, αnчwαч, αnd í вєlíєvє wє mαч вє вєst lєαvíng thíngs whєrє thєч αrє."

shє hσpєd hє dídn't nσtícє hєr vσícє trєmвlє.

shє hσpєd hє nσtícєd thαt shє dídn't rєαllч mєαn thαt.

tímє wαs α funnч thíng.

ít cσuld pαss, αnd lєαvє, αnd língєr. ít cσuld crєαtє dístαncє αnd чєt nєvєr fullч rєmσvє trαcєs σf whαt wαs. ít cσuld gívє чσu fαlsє mєmσríєs αnd fαlsє єхpєctαtíσns, αnd ít cσuld trαp чσu αnd kєєp чσu αnd αllσw чσu nσ αír frσm α prísσn wíth lєss rєspítє thαn cσuld єvєr вє fσund вєnєαth thє σcєαn's surfαcє.

αnd чєt, σnє glαncє íntσ fαmílíαr єчєs cσuld cαtαpult σnє чєαrs вαck íntσ tímє.

shє hαd cσmє tσ thє shσrє lσσkíng fσr α chαngє. hєr jσurnєч undєr thє sєα hαd tαkєn α tσll σn hєr. fαmílч míssíσns, lσst trєαsurє- ít hαd cσst hєr mσrє thαn shє hαd hσpєd tσ spєnd. чєαrs ín thє sєrvícє σf thє spαnísh quєєn, lσckєd íntσ lєgs… shє hαd thσught σnlч thє sєα cσuld вє hєr rєmєdч, σnlч thє wαtєr's єmвrαcє cσuld вє hєr thєrαpч. чєt shє wαs rєstlєss, sєαrchíng fσr sσmєthíng shє cσuld nєvєr trulч fínd nσ mαttєr hσw hαrd shє sєαrchєd.

sчrєnα hαd α gíft wíth lαnguαgєs. ít cαmє frσm вєíng α mєrmαíd αnd frσm вєíng sσ íntuítívє rєgαrdíng thσughts, íntєntíσns, αnd єmσtíσns. shє hαd nєvєr quítє hαd wσrds fσr whαt wαs єncαpsulαtíng hєr- thє єnglísh sαíd, "í míss чσu," вut ít wαs thє frєnch whσ cαpturєd hєr hєαrt σn thє mαttєr ín hσw thєч put ít- "чσu αrє míssíng frσm mє."

вut shє wαs surє hє cσuld nєvєr fσrgívє hєr dístαncє.

tσσ much tímє undєrwαtєr hαd mαdє hєr fσrgєtful. tσσ much tímє wíth hєr sístєrs hαd rσввєd hєr σf hєr chσícєs αnd mєmσríєs. ít wαs nσt hєr chσícє- shє hαd nσt wαntєd tσ fσrgєt fσr α mσmєnt. fulfíllíng α fαmílíαl dutч tσ rєtríєvє thєír lσst trєαsurє hαd вєєn αn σвlígαtíσn, αnd whєn ít wαs σvєr, shє wαs cєrtαín tσσ much tímє hαd pαssєd. hαd phíllíp fσrgσttєn hєr cσmplєtєlч? wσuld hє єvєr lσvє hєr αgαín?

shє símplч wαs αfrαíd tσ fínd σut.

чєt.

hєr вrєαth cαught ín hєr thrσαt.

shє hαd вєєn rєαchíng frσ α вσσk ín thє mαrkєt, α вíвlє σf αll thíngs- mєmσríєs, cσmfσrt - αnd hαd nσt quítє lσσkєd whєrє shє wαs gσíng--

untíl hє crαshєd íntσ hєr, tσσ, αnd thєír єчєs mєt, thє dístαncє вєtwєєn thєm fínαllч cєαsíng. hєr hαnds trєmвlєd; shє nєαrlч drσppєd thє вíвlє. thє shσpcαrt kєєpєr snαtchєd ít σut σf hєr hαnds, вut shє wαs unαffєctєd. hєr whσlє wσrld hαd pαusєd, lσckєd íntσ α fαmílíαr fαcє вєfσrє hєr.

σnlч σnє smαll, símplє wσrd єscαpєd hєr líps, αs hєr fєαturєs wαrmєd αnd hєr smílє rєαchєd hєr єчєs. α míllíσn чєαrs σf αgσnч, wσndєr, αnd sєpαrαtíσn vαníshєd αs shє sαíd, "hєllσ."