#it hurts in a good way for them and i just love seeing two people meant for each other get healing
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Helloooo, how are you?I want to make a request about Aaron. Where he and the reader are almost dating but he doesn't feel ready, so he rejects the reader, and she understands. Time passes and they have to go to a case somewhere else, and the officer in charge is an ex of the reader. But not a bad ex, but a really good one, they interact and he confesses to her how much he misses her. I leave the ending to your consideration, thank you ❤️, I love your writing
Almost | [A.H]
Pairing: Aaron Hotchner x fem!reader | WC: 0.9k | CW: Hurt (Is that even a genre?), past relationship, rejection, mild heartache?, miscommunication, it could probably qualify as unrequited love during some parts of the story.
When Aaron rejected you, you understood.
He had stood in front of you, his jaw tense, his hands clenched into fists at his sides like he was physically restraining himself from reaching out. The words had come quietly, like he was ashamed to say them.
"I can’t. Not yet."
You had seen the hesitation in his eyes, the conflict flickering beneath the surface. He wanted you, you knew that much. It was the way his gaze lingered when he thought you weren’t paying attention, the way his fingers ghosted over yours when he handed you a file, the way his voice softened when he said your name. But wanting you and being ready for you were two different things. And you understood that. You understood him.
So you had smiled, forcing a lightness into your voice that you didn’t feel. "I understand, Hotch."
His mouth had pressed into a thin line, like he had hated hearing you call him that again. Like it made the distance between you all the more real.
And so you had walked away, ignoring the ache in your chest, pretending it didn’t feel like losing something before you even had the chance to call it yours.
Months had passed since then, months filled with cases and long nights, with stolen glances that neither of you acknowledged, with tension so thick it was suffocating.
And now you were here, miles away from home, standing beside Hotch as you were introduced to the officer in charge of the case you were called onto.
The moment you saw him, you hesitated.
"Y/N," he breathed, his tone was thick with nostalgia.
A slow smile spread across your face before you could stop it. "Matt?"
Matt was the man you had once thought you might spend your life with. A man who had loved you without hesitation, without fear, without walls—even when your job had become more demanding than his, calling you away more than you were home.
Hotch went still beside you.
Matt grinned. "I can’t believe it. You look—" He huffed a soft laugh, shaking his head. "You look incredible."
Warmth filled your chest, a feeling of something familiar and bittersweet bubbling within. "You too."
Hotch hadn’t moved. Hadn’t said a word. Out of the corner of your eye, you could see his fist clenched at his side, his thumb struggling to do that thing he only did when he was trying to focus.
Matt glanced at him, his brow lifting slightly before turning back to you. "We should catch up after this. Get a drink or something."
There was no ulterior motive in his voice, no expectation—just two people reconnecting after years apart.
Hotch walked away.
Hours later, you found yourself outside, the cold night air settling over your skin. The case was far from over, but for now, there was a brief lull, it gave you a moment to breathe—finally.
The sound of footsteps approached from behind you. The tension in the air shifted subtly, and without needing to glance over your shoulder, you knew exactly who it was—his footsteps alone spoke volumes, a rhythm you had come to recognize in your bones years ago.
"Are you going to see him?"
The question wasn’t casual. It was quiet, clipped, barely contained. You exhaled, tilting your head up to the sky, spotting a few stars peeking out from behind the clouds. "I might."
"Do you still love him?" Hotch finally spoke after a long pause
You let out a breath that was almost a laugh, though there was no humor in it. "Aaron, what does it matter?"
"It matters," he said, and this time, his voice was raw, something fraying at the edges. "It matters to me."
You turned then, searching his face. He looked calm on the surface, as he always did, but you could see the tension in his posture, the way his fists curled at his sides for the second time that day, the way his jaw clenched.
"Why?" you asked softly.
His breath hitched, just barely. "Because I—" He stopped, swallowing hard. His gaze dropped, and for the first time, he looked uncertain. "Because I should have never let you walk away."
Your chest tightened, something sharp twisting inside you. "You didn’t let me walk away. You pushed me away."
His eyes shut briefly, as if the words physically hurt him. "I know."
You took a step closer, close enough that you could see the exhaustion in his face, the faint circles beneath his eyes. "Aaron," you murmured. "You told me you weren’t ready."
"I'm still not," he admitted, his voice barely above a whisper. His gaze locked onto yours, something breaking in the depths of his dark eyes as you stared at each other. "But I can’t stand the thought of losing you to someone else."
The words hung between you, heavy, aching, and too late—they were not enough.
You inhaled slowly, shaking your head. "That’s not fair to me."
His jaw tensed, his hands flexing like he wanted to reach for you—just like that day—but knew he had no right to. "I know that too."
Silence stretched between you, filled with all the words neither of you had said before.
Then, finally, you sighed, your lips curving into something sad, something resigned. "You don’t get to keep me in limbo, Aaron. If you want me, you have to choose me. Otherwise, I have to move on. I can't wait for you to be ready, what if that day never comes?"
His throat bobbed as he swallowed, as if the thought physically pained him. His eyes searched yours, they were desperate and conflicted, understanding your reasons, but not wanting to believe them.
He said nothing.
And you? You didn’t wait for him to.
You turned, walking away before the ache in your chest could consume you. Because this time, it had to be his choice.
And you weren’t going to wait forever.
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#aaron hotchner#criminal minds#aaron hotchner x reader#hotch#hotch thoughts#criminal minds x reader#hotchner#hotch x you#aaron hotchner x y/n#aaron hotchner x you#aaron hotchner x female reader#aaron hotchner fanfiction#aaron hotchner fic#aaron hotchner fanfic#ssa aaron hotchner#aaron hotchner imagine#aaron hotch hotchner#aaron hotchner one shot#aaron hotch fanfiction#aaron hotch x reader#aaron hotch imagine#thomas gibson#criminal minds fic#criminal minds fandom#criminal minds fanfiction#criminal minds one shot#criminal minds fanfic#criminal minds smut#aaron hotchner angst
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Nasty dog — jj maybank
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jj finds himself staring at you more then usual, and if anyone could read his mind, they would think he was one nasty dog.
jj x fem!reader , warnings — slight vulgar thoughts, fem pogue reader,
“ back to the Kitty cuz’ she’s kinda pretty, I can’t stop lookin’ at er’ ti-ti-ti-face!
Me and cat mama rode into the distant fog, Little did she know imma’ nasty DOG. “
The slight gloss on your pink lips made them look so soft. The way they jutted out slightly whenever somone would poke fun at you made you look like the cutest thing known to mankind.
The way you pranced around, care free, in that little pink bikini set that showed off every single one of your curves, gave the impression that you didn’t care who looked.
Or maybe you didn’t notice the stares, the looks you got at the beach partys as you laughed and spoke to as many people as Humanly possible, you didn’t care.
You didn’t notice the way jj tracked you with his eyes, the way he followed your every move, to ensure sure you’re safety—or at least that’s what he’s telling himself to justify his nasty thoughts.
Thoughts of taking you away from everyone else’s gaze, bringing you home or ruining your perfect mascara by making it treck down your face from good ol’ happy tears.
As he watched you laugh with Kieara across the fire, he couldn’t help the thoughts, he couldn’t hear what the two of you were talking about but he could only imagine the sweet sound of your voice,
How it Sounded like heaven itself when you spoke his name in any context.
“jj!” A voice called from beside him, and he hesitantly ripped his gaze from you, to meet eyes with Pope. That’s not who he wanted to hear call his name.
“Hm?” Is all he said before going back to stare at you, only to find you 5 feet away talking to a group of people he didn’t know, but obviously you did. You knew everyone.
“Dude, you’re basically undressing her with your eyes.” Pope spoke as he watched as jj watched you intently.
Finally jj came to his senses and he looked away, finally reaching popes look, pope shook his head with a snicker, “you, are whipped my guy. Utterly whipped.” He said as he finally caught a gaze at his two best friends, You and Keiara.
Pope couldn’t just lie, you and Kieara were two fine girls. He knew about JJ’s huge crush on you, and him Kieara, if you both would give in you all would make one hella two man.
Pope looked back at jj and watch as his star struck eyes followed your frame from across the fire. “When are you gonna’ tell er’ man?” Pope spoke with his eyes shifting between you and the puppy eyed boy.
jj looked away from you for a split second, then back to you, and the alcohol must have taken an effect because he swore you grew a pair of angel wings as you spun around and danced.
“I..I don’t know what you mean man.” He said mindlessly, when in reality, he knew exactly what he means.
Everyone did.
They didn’t miss the way his eyes would follow your every step, the way they would light up in adoration every time you spoke to him.
The way he never wore a frown when you didn’t, your emotions slowly turning into his.
The way he studied you for hurt whenever they came back from adventures, the way he would stare at you in a way no one else could.
And they certainly didn’t miss the way he mentally traced every curve his eyes could see, taking off peice by piece, essentially torturing himself.
To put it simply, Jj Maybank, was utterly in love with you.
And he made it very obvious to everyone except himself and you.
Like now, how he watched you sit next to a kook whom looked at you with a sickening grin. you, hunched over and laughing so hard that you clutched your stomach, and he couldn’t look away.
Because less then 20 feet away from him was You, His girl, sitting with a stupid Kook. What were you laughing about? How could you sit there and look so beautiful?
How could you sit there, in your pretty pink bathing suit that was one size to small, hugging your bust just oh so right, looking so…delicious.
Jj couldn’t help it, he really couldn’t, but the way you leaned back and laughed, every part of you bouncing when you walked, how could he help it?
And it didn’t help that he wasn’t the only one who seen you walk around like that, but what set jj apart from everyone else is that he saw more then just your body. He saw you.
But in this moment, he wanted nothing more then to take you away from every possible watching eye, and have you all to himself.
He was selfish, yes. But he could live with that knowing you were all his.
He could live with shielding your innocents from the cruel world.
“JJ!” he was pulled out of his head at the sound of your yelling voice, he quickly looked up so see you sprinting over to you with a big smile on your face, John B right on your tail.
You laughed loudly as you smoothly grabbed JJ’s shoulders and ducked behind him to hide.
John B stopped in front of the both of you, jj who adorned a smile on his face and you whom peaked from behind him with a giggle.
“Y/N.” John B scolded with crossed arms, you tilited your head down and looked up through your eyelashes.
jj looked behind him and quickly grabbed your arm before you bolted again, he swiftly pulled you over his shoulder and grabbed you by your waist, laying your body over his legs, your hanging over.
You giggled out again as jj ticked your stomach. He then suddenly stopped and gave you a look with raised eyebrows.
You sighed quietly and looked back up at John B who still stood there crossed arms.
“What’d you do now, pooch?” jj said looking between you and John B.
You gave him those sweet puppy eyes and then hid your face in his shirt. jj chuckled and looked up at John B with a questioning look.
“She threw sand at me, Got it all in my drink, again!” John B said as he looked down at you whom still hid.
jj looked back down to you and shook you by your way waist,
“Pooch,” he said leaning down to meet your face, “Pooch come outta’ there”
You slowly took your face out of his shirt but didn’t meet either of the staring eyes.
jj shook you again and you sighed louder this time,
“M’ sorry John B..” you mumbled under your breath, jj shook his head then sat you up so you sat fully on his lap.
“Say it like you mean it”
You groaned then stood up and walked over to John B, standing in front of him with a downward head.
“I’m sorry for kicking sand at you and getting it in your drink, John B, I didn’t mean it.” You looked up at him and gave him your best puppy eyes, he sighed then wrapped his arms around you in a hug.
“You’re forgiven” he spoke then kissed the top of your head before jotting back off to his seat.
You smiled before turning around and looking down to jj whom was already staring at you.
You smile and say back down on his lap, he wrapped one of his arms around your waist, then other coming down on your thigh.
you both smiled wide at each other, “Hi jay,” you said, “Hi pooch,” he replied
After examining each others faces, you suddenly raised your arm and took his hat off his head, putting it on yours.
You smiled in triumph and looked down at him, he had no words for what he was feeling,
Every part of him was on fire. His head, his heart, his pants…
The more you stared at him, the lore his thoughts raced,
Your boobs were smooshed in his face, eye level, your thighs felt like what he imagined clouds to feel like, soft and warm.
The way you smiled down at him, he wanted you to make more faces on top of him.
He wanted more of you, all of you.
You brought your face closer to him and softly kissed his nose, he smiled impossibly wider, “what was that for?”
You tilted your head as you matched his smile, “just ‘cause.”
“Just ‘cause?” He repeated, and you brought your face closer again and repeated it one more time, “Yeah, just ‘cause.”
His breath hitched as he looked deeper into your eyes, he wanted to make them roll back into your head.
As y’all stared, y’all’s faces got closer, and closer, till there was little to no space left.
The tent in his pants got tighter, as did his grip on your thigh.
And when he thought you’d pull away, you didn’t, and your lips connected with his.
The kiss was slow, passionate, molded for the others.
Your lips loved in sync, he raised his hand to grab the back on your neck. You swiped you Tounge across his lip and he immediately opened his mouth to give you access. Your tongue shot into his mouth, exploring every inch of it. Leaving no place untouched.
The kiss deepened, you reached your hand up and grabbed his face with both your hands. Gripping his cheeks with a firm grip.
Both of you were running out of air but neither wanted to part.
It was only until pope walked up with Kiara and spoke that you two separated,
“Jeez, suck the air out of Each other, just die from lack of oxygen, that’s cool.” Pope said as he sat on the seat next to the two of you.
Kiara then spoke up, “yeah, and what happened to the no Pouge on Pouge Macking rule?” She said sitting next to Pope
jj tore his gaze away from you to look at his friends, “that rules stupid literally no one follows that rule.” Pope then pointed to jj, “that’s what I said!”
“Besides,” jj continued, “when have I ever been known to follow rules?” He finished and looked back to you were was playing with the hairs on the back of his head staring at his face as he spoke.
You smiled again as you attacked his face. Pushing your body against his in the most lude way possible.
The two of you moaned against each other and Pope and Kiara couldn’t help but grimace as you two basically fucked with clothes on.
“Okay Okay,” said a John B who had arrived with Sarah in toe, “that’s enough PDA.” He said sitting across from the two of you, watching with disgust.
jj rolled his eyes and pulls you closer breaking the kiss, “Your right John B, That’s enough PDA, come on pooch, we’re taking this party in the house.” Is all he said as he picked you up with your legs wrapped around his waist.
“Don’t get pregnant!” Yelled Kiara but it fell to deaf ears as the two of you were already making out again.
When he finally got you into the house and into a random room he locked the door then threw you on the bed.
He spun around and you giggled as he walked over to you, then hovered over you, knee between your legs.
“You know how pretty you are?” He said brushing hair out your face.
Your smiled and brought your arms around his neck.
He got the message, no more talking was needed, except the sweet praises he whispered in your ears of course.
NOT PROOF READ
#kira speaks#fanfic#kiraspeaks#kiraspeaks🎧#jj mayback x reader#jj obx#outer banks jj#jj maybank#jj maybank x you#jj mayback imagine#jj maybank x reader
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Tape #1
“Risk”
Leith stares at you, then at Harley, then to Stella who was begrudgingly standing beside the two. There is no way Harley actually won your bleeding heart!? You! The scientist psychologist who doesn’t even know half the truth!?
Goodness it was too much, so he nods to Harley then you both lock eyes. “Good to see you again Mz.”
“The pleasure is all mine.” You stride past him to your office, Stella goes after you, next he was watching you both talk, then you both begin to enjoy some carbonated soda from the shop down the street. This was you, the person that somehow got Harley to stop sneering with snark in his tone of words? What exactly was it? Was it the way you talked, your simple answers or simple actions.
Leith didn’t envy Harley, he was simply astonished someone would lower their guard around this man, that narcissistic, arrogant, apathetic with no regard for others: Harley Sawyer.
“You’ve been quiet for a while Leith.”
“…..Just surprised someone is willing to put up with you, was it a facade? Or maybe you…”
Leith looks at Harley, then to you. His eyes say a lot, as a businessman Leith always knew how to read customers but not someone like, Sawyer.
His eyes were, focused, filled with a certainty that would assure he was right about his own work ahead. It made Leith uneasy, especially when he gave you those flowers, a Tuberose. Surely you knew the meaning, you always ranted about them, so why…
“…..They represent love, sensuality, dangerous love and innocence..” He says while you place a yellow Tulip in his vase; the man wasn’t really phased, more of annoyed at your friendly demeanor.
“What has you smiling ear to ear?”
“This is my resting face Pierre, plus I’m setting up a food festival for the children. With my own budget.” He blinks at your forwardness, every punctuation and word that left your lips made the man wanna deadpan but also ask more. Festival, food, what food?
Did Harley know of this? Of course not, you’re his partner not his pet or experiment…
“Good luck then.” He says curtly, you pass by him with a nod while your shoes clink on the floor out the door.
The man went to see you afterwards, watching you feed these children, care for their needs. Giving them water while they take some, and share. There was one moment that made him slightly smile, a child grabbing a bowl of fruit, then he went and grabbed two extras. Leith watches this child give the two bowls including the first one to three other children before he had his own.
You gave the child a big embrace while patting his hair down, it was…beautiful.
Elliot was right about you, when it came to children your heart was practically open and on the sleeve. Something Harley dismissed, now here he is, dating you.
Honestly it made Pierre feel nauseous at the idea of Harley even creating a family with you.
By the stars why did he think that way.
It was things like this that made him notice different dynamics in people, the way Harley would manipulate you, or he’d talk to you while you worked. Even going as far to interrupt your conversation with Stella, that was until he found you staring at the children with a longing gaze.
“Are you alright?”
“Mhm, just thinking about Quinn.”
Quinn, right that boy who you were planning to adopt, he was quiet but super obedient and always clinging to your side. “I wanted to adopt him.”
“Well it’s not too late.” He replies curtly, you hug your stomach with shame after he says that. “……Your words…hurt.”
Leith sighs then gets ready to leave, he simply couldn’t bear your words. But then you continue, “But they made me realize something, that you’re just as bad as I am….don’t get me wrong Pierre, you can claim to be a good man. But you’re greedy, eager for money. Like a typical corporate Ceo….he has a friend who cares for the children but you, it’s money signs. Yet you still show signs of being caring.”
The man was quiet ever since you said that, how could you even say that so easily. Was he that easy to read? Well not really, you were there with Elliot, and you were listening. In some occasions there was a few words of the in tune semblance you shared with Ludwig. One day you pull him aside, holding your stomach with sad eyes as unshed tears rise, only to get blinked away.
“I’m pregnant. Pierre.”
His breathing halts for a second and he felt embarrassed, scared, angry. “Why!? What did….are you serious!?”
You look away and speak once more, “You never told me he killed Quinn.” Pierre covers his face, of course he didn’t. Not when Harley would throw a fit, but you already knew about the experiments so why did this affect you so much!?
“I’ve been feeding them, loving them, nurturing them. Wanting to adopt some of them and someday make a home to raise them at. Only to find out I was the gentle voice that they’ll grow to hate…” The more you describe playing apart to their agonizing futures the more it irritates his soul, you were having Harley’s child! Yet you still show the attentive passion for these orphans.
“After all of that, you still care for them?”
“Why wouldn’t I? Just because you have the luxury to play god with orphans doesn’t mean I’d be happy to work this so called “miracle” you deluded yourself to believe. I was an orphan too, did you intend to force me to be a toy?” You exclaim through your own tears, he could only stare while the room went silent from the intense emotions that spurred within. “…..I never knew.”
“Of course not, after all, I’m his “favorite” experiment….Leith I’m scared. I so badly wanted to adopt him and have a child. Raise this child into a beautiful flower, but to find out your own partner, hah not find out. I knew and fell in love with a facade.”
You sit down, hugging yourself again, “Two months pregnant. I once asked him about the idea of children, it was foolish. Sometimes I was debating on….quitting, but then I changed my mind for these children…”
Now sitting beside you the man was carefully speaking, “Look, you’re a brave person. But you can’t just tell me and not tell him, how do you think he’ll feel?”
“He already knows, Harley is a fool but he is not naive…”
You knew so much about him and nothing at all, it was so tragic, hearing you blame yourself while he probably knew and had every intention to potentially keep you away from the bigger truth. “I’m going further down, to the prison.”
Pierre was quiet as he nods at your statement with no room to argue, getting up again he watches you stay on the couch. “…..Leith, if I do end up having this child…do you mind if I bring the baby into work?”
“Why…?”
“You don’t intend to help the children, do you? The least I can do is care for them, Feed them properly.”
When Leith left, he was stuck in deep thought about you. After all the things he said towards and about you; the willingness to tolerate him or even talk with Stella. It was impressive how you kept such professionalism with the three of them, but nothing irks his soul more than hearing Harley’s rants about you.
“We lost the child, now everything is ruined…Why didn’t you simply stop this from happening!?”
“Sawyer you’re out of line, you both were together! You had every chance to change for them, but you’re to stuck with the idea of control and recognition from your lover and others.”
Harley sneers, “Oh get real Leith, we all know why you didn’t stop my partner. Did it bother you knowing that someone actually saw me beyond what you all paint me as?”
This made him snap, Harley really was so foolish and arrogant. “Not at all, as of matter of fact nothing I’m very much unbothered by the fact that: you can so easily etch your way into someone’s life, infiltrate that person’s house, then not only get your partner pregnant but then to turn the child you both knew about and the one your “dear” so badly wanted to adopt into a bigger body. None of that bothers me one bit, sure it made us money but how will we get obedient children..?”
He jabs at Harley with a snark in his tone, “If you decide to date the only person who can easily give them hope, that false hope calms the children. Now because of this your dear partner will most likely feed and nurture them into rebellious children who may fight back or when they become toys use their obedience as ways to catch us off guard. Who knows….but hey, least that miscarriage made them less likely to disobey you…”
Pierre stares Harley down, the man sucks in his breath before he just curses under his breath. Pushing his coworker aside he slams the door, Leith sits down. “……That was cruel…”
It was cruel to use your child as some leverage against him…
Leith once again sat beside you in silence, “I’m sorry..”
“…….you don’t have to apologize. I’m done wallowing in self pity, you were right…I was foolish like him and in love with a facade. Politeness, and curiosity…”
“You still love him.” Pierre accuses you lightly, you nod curtly.
Of course, of course you still love him.
Especially after he had the order to have him shot, you loved him simply because it’s in your nature to love and care for others. Including Pierre….
Maybe that’s why you warned him about your plan to release the toys, because in someway you had hoped he’d be better…naive.
Always naive…
The tape ends, the worker stares at the tv. Hearing Leith’s narrative and recount of everything. They felt sorry for you, grabbing more tapes the worker stops before a couple notes…
Grabbing them there was a confession and an apology.
‘Mz…you were someone I resented, because you had that beautiful heart, that smart perception of everyone. Stella and I loved you for that, sometimes I wish you were the head of the project…sometimes I wish we could’ve all been friends, maybe in another universe. You could’ve adopted Quinn, Marie, Matthew, Kevin, Theo, and the other children…whatever happens I hope Harley doesn’t hurt you. Maybe I’m too late on that factor however, he hurt you mentally, and we were both too late to stop it.’
#ppt harley sawyer#harley sawyer x reader#harley sawyer poppy playtime#harley sawyer#leith pierre#Leith pierre x reader#ppt leith pierre#poppy playtime leith pierre#stella greyber#quinn poppy playtime#poppy playtime x reader
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cw: melancholy. after-sex scene.
The spread of satisfaction throughout your body, humming at the surface of your skin, is only just starting to wane by now, and as you hold on close to your lover’s body, thighs pressed tight around his midsection, your fears and concerns quickly resurface from somewhere plunged deep inside.
Izuku’s humming too, but in a real, tangible way, a sweet and simple tune in his throat. Aside from that, your environment is quiet and still, in the wee hours of the night, and your bodies remain connected as he navigates dim hallways to find the fridge. The thin layer of sweat between you two sticks just enough to further prove that you’re inseparable despite your greatest efforts. You bury your face in his neck while he pours out a glass of water, your lovingly spent body carefully supported by his arm. His scent, too familiar and likely infused into every bit of your skin now, grounds you perhaps a little too much. Like a hard fall.
“Baby.”
He nudges you with his shoulder gently until you pull away from him and look him in the eyes. He smiles, a mixture of weariness and affection in his eyes.
“Do you want some water?” he asks.
The awareness that your lips are dry is sudden. You squirm; he doesn’t immediately let go and there, connected to him, you decide to stay, part of him still thickly inside you. A glass is raised to your lips, maneuvered through the small space between you. You drink, and he watches a little too intently as you swallow each gulp until you’ve had enough. He refills the glass for himself, and you watch him the same.
When you’re with him, every action feels magnified in importance; everything between you is too mundane and monumental at the same time. You’d forgotten what it’s like.
It’s suddenly too much.
“I can’t believe after all this time, I’m letting you back in,” you whisper.
Izuku lets the statement hang in the air for a moment, now supporting your body with both hands, then lets his mouth twist to the side. Then his lips spread into a smile.
“You came to my house, remember?”
You pull your lower lip between your teeth.
“Unhand me, Izuku.”
He sighs, knowing he’s struck your far too capricious nerves. “I’m literally inside of you right now, are you sure?”
“Yes.”
Reluctantly, he sets you down carefully on the linoleum, cold on the soles of bare feet. The two of you remain facing each other for a moment, and then Izuku pours more water for the both of you.
“You should drink more. You might be dehydrated.”
He pushes the glass closer to you, and you look at the glass, and then away. A few more seconds pass in quiet between the two of you, and you reach for it quickly, gulping it down faster than the first time, then practically slamming it down on the table.
You don’t know why your heart is racing again.
And it’s visible, enough that Izuku can see that through the faint tremble of your fingertips, and encloses them gently with his hands.
“Is this necessary? Do you have to fight me?”
You pull your hands back and press them against your side.
“I’m not fighting you.”
“You are. You’re on defense literally all the time.” he replies quickly, and your fingers clench. He pauses, then apologizes
“I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have said that.”
There’s another silence as you hold something tightly to the center of your chest. The fact that you’re arguing again, already, is embarrassing even separate from the context, two people naked after hours of lovemaking, standing with hearts laid bare in the kitchen of his apartment in the middle of the night. And yet, somehow, it’s fitting for the state of your relationship.
A love that is moody and far too intense; a love that is particular and demanding and won’t wane. Izuku may be infinitely accommodating and patient, but you are indecisive enough and hurt easily.
Even the most patient man on earth has his limits, and post-coital aggression might just be one of them.
“I mean, was it just not good enough?” he suddenly asks. “I don’t understand, you seemed to be enjoying things and-”
Your stance closes with the crossing of your arms over your chest, and he falls silent.
“It’s not that.”
Izuku takes a deep breath in. “How do I become good enough for you again?” he asks in a small voice.
The question plucks at your heartstrings with a cruel twang.
“That’s not what this is.”
You can already hear him say, then what is it?, but instead he nods as if he’s given up trying to understand you.
The truth is somehow you’re still angry, and you don’t know when you’ll stop being angry, and you should let him go and let him be free, and yet the very idea makes you nauseous if you think about it too much.
“I’m sorry,” you finally eke out and with that statement come the tears.
As always, even if he doesn’t expect them, he’s prepared. Stepping forward, he tucks you back into his arms, holding you tight against his chest. He kisses the top of your head as you cry, a hand gently stroking your back.
“My feelings towards you won’t change, whatever you decide,” he murmurs. His chin rests atop your head. “I’ll be right here.”
Your arms wrap around him and hold onto him tightly, unsure when you’ll ever let go.
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JAKE AS A HUSBAND (BASED ON HIS CHART)
... • ❝ 𝖼𝗈𝗆𝗆ℯ𝗇𝖼𝖾𝗋. astrology reading ℱ JAKE (11. 15.2002) NOTE: im still learning about astrology (not an expert) but i promise you i have knowledge <3
Core personality in marriage (sun in scorpio, mercury in scorpio, saturn in gemini, nn in gemini)
He is the type of husband who wants a deeply emotional and transformative connection... Marriage, to him, isn’t just about love... it’s about merging souls with someone. he prefers deep, meaningful conversations over small talk >>> He wants to know what’s on his wife’s mind all the time. Can be private about his emotions... reminds of that one clip where he says that he doesn't feel sad at all??? whenever hes about to feel sad, he makes it stop as a defense mechanism? Well he is similar to sunghoon in a way he won’t always express what he’s feeling, but his wife will feel it in his actions. Needs mental stimulation in his marriage becauseeeeee of his Gemini influence (Saturn & NN), he enjoys deep conversations , he does nawt like surface level converation and loves a wife who challenges him intellectually.
if his wife is feeling off, instead of just asking, “What’s wrong?” he’ll observe her closely, reading her body language before finally saying, i could imagine him saying something like “Something’s bothering you. Tell me.” and he is a good listener sooooooo.
2. top 2 love languages as a husband
> Quality Time (ooohh) Being together is everything to him. He doesn’t just want to be around his wife... he needs undivided attention and deep moments together. Loves intimate, quiet moments over loud, social settings. He feels closest when it’s just the two of them. Can get lowkey clingy if his wife is always busy, but he won’t say it outright (he’ll just act pouty or extra quiet)
> Physical Touch (who the hell is surprised?) This dude likes to feel connected. as said in his core personality. its all about merging soulsssss. he uses touch to reassure her and remind her that he’s there. in times of stress, instead of talking things through immediately, he might instinctively pull her into a hug, get clingy or.. 👀👀 yall know it LOLLLLLL.
3. How He Shows Love (Venus in Scorpio Rx, Mars in Libra, Juno in Libra, Moon in Pisces/Aries)
The ways he loves as a husband?? He is protective, but not tooo protective. He values a best-friend dynamic in marriage He wants his wife to be someone he can talk to about anything, not just a romantic partner. He has an intense but quiet jealousy... He won’t always say it out loud, but he notices everything when it comes to his wife interacting with other people. He needs his wife to feel like “his person” & his person ONLY.. If he feels like she’s drifting away emotionally, he will overthink and become moody.
When he sees her talking to a guy? he def ask who he was. Not because he doesn’t trust his wife, but because he’s always watching, HE IS always aware. howeeeeeeeveerrrrrrrrr if his wife ever gets jealous, a small part of him secretly likes it, that one fancall where he says that he likes seeing other engenes getting jealous ??? ooh he likes it like that because its enough to feed his EGO
4. How He Handles Conflicts (Mercury in Scorpio, Mars in Libra, Saturn in Gemini, Lilith in Aries)
Jake isn’t the type to explode in anger, but he definitely has his own way of dealing with fights. His chart shows that he is strategic in arguments ..He thinks before he speaks and makes sure he has the upper hand. More of a brooder than a yeller..H e will go silent first, process the situation, and then bring it up when he’s ready. Emotionally intense ? If he’s truly hurt, he might struggle to talk about it directly, instead showing his emotions through his actions. Doesn’t like unnecessary drama, His Mars in Libra makes him someone who wants to keep peace, but his Scorpio placements make him deeply emotional about things that matter to him.
things i need to pinpoint
If he’s mad, he will go quiet first, watching how his wife reacts.
If the fight is serious, he might test his wife to see if she will fight for the relationship.
He has a sharp tongue when pushed too far, but he usually avoids screaming matches.
He doesn’t forgive easily, especially if trust is broken.
If his wife does something that upsets him, he might stay cold and distant for a while instead of talking about it immediately. But if she approaches him and reassures him, he’ll slowly melt back into his usual self.
...
FINAL VERDICT
sooooo marrying Jake. this man loves HARD. Once he’s committed, that’s it......game over. You’re his person, his everything, and he’s not even thinking about anyone else. He’s protective in a way that feels safe, not suffocating, and no matter what, he’s always in your corner. Ride or die? That’s him.
BUT… this man is not easy to read. He’s got a lot of emotions but doesn’t always say them outright, so you’ll have to pick up on the little things, body language dear....
the way his jaw tenses when he’s jealous??? (because let’s be real, he gets jealous 🙄). He’s also possessive...not in a toxic way, but he definitely wants to feel secure in the relationship. If he senses any distance, he’ll overthink like crazy.
So, if you’re looking for a husband who’s sweet, deep, and fully locked in, Jake’s your guy. But if you can’t handle intense love, good luck. His wife needs to be someone who can handle his quiet but powerful way of loving, reassure him when he gets in his head, and most importantly, match his energy. Because if she does? They’ll have the kind of love that lasts forever.
#enhypen#enhypen jake#astrology#analysis#enhypen astrology#enhypen thoughts#sim jaeyun#sim jake#jake sim#jake astrology enhypen#jake astrology#jake#reading
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Eventually — Lawhan Mixed Media AU
Twitch Streamer AU — 1.6k words — @ellearts — masterlist
twitch✅️
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twitch two more days with this duo streaming together, how do we feel? 🔥
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kkofficial i cant wait to be away from this guy
outbacksprout ur in my bathroom right now come back and watch sleeping beauty with me
kkofficial let me talk trash on instagram!
outbacksprout come take my trash out
kkofficial come with me?
outbacksprout ok now hurry up
user do u guys like not have eachothers numbers
outbacksprout✅️
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outbacksprout he wishes he was sick of me
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user JACK GOT VERIFIED.
outbacksprout OH MY GOD I DID
kkofficial i cant wait to leave!! seriously!!
outbacksprout youre so mean
Jack shivered as he shut the door behind them, rubbing his arms as the cool air faded into the warmth of the house. “You didn’t have to come out with me,” he muttered, not really looking at Liam as he toed off his sneakers.
Liam just shrugged, stretching his arms above his head. “Didn’t wanna let you get murdered by a rogue possum or something.”
Jack snorted, but it was half-hearted. He knew Liam was joking, but he also knew that wasn’t the real reason he’d followed him outside. Liam had felt it — Jack’s mood shifting, the way he’d gone quiet after dinner, the way he kept glancing at the calendar on the fridge.
Two days.
That’s all he had left before Liam got on a plane and went back home.
Jack swallowed hard and turned toward the kitchen, pretending he had something to do, but Liam — of course Liam — leaned against the counter like he wasn’t going anywhere. Like time wasn’t running out.
Jack clenched his jaw and stared down at his hands. “You’ve been here eight days.” His voice came out quieter than he meant it to.
Liam tilted his head, studying him. “Yeah.”
Jack exhaled slowly, pressing his palms against the counter. “It doesn’t feel like eight days.”
Liam didn’t say anything, just watching him, waiting.
Jack bit his lip. He knew he shouldn’t say this. He knew it wouldn’t change anything. But the words had been sitting on his tongue for days, burning a hole in him, and now they were spilling out before he could stop them.
“I don’t want you to leave.”
It came out barely above a whisper, but the weight of it settled between them instantly.
Liam straightened slightly, something shifting in his expression, but Jack couldn’t look at him, couldn’t stand to see whatever was written across his face.
Jack forced a laugh, running a hand through his hair. “I mean, I get it. You’ve got a life back home, you’ve got—” He gestured vaguely. “Streaming, your place, your people.”
Hannah.
The name sat heavy in the back of his mind, but he didn’t say it. He couldn’t. He refused to face the truth this whole week.
Jack swallowed, shaking his head. “But these eight days? They’ve been…” He trailed off, exhaling sharply. “I just— I wish it didn’t have to end.”
Liam was still quiet.
Jack finally forced himself to look at him, his throat tight, chest aching. Liam’s brows were drawn slightly, his mouth parted like he wanted to say something but didn’t know what.
Jack let out a breathless, self-deprecating laugh. “Sorry. I sound pathetic.”
Liam’s eyes flickered. “No, you don’t.”
Jack clenched his fists, nails digging into his palms. He felt stupid. He felt needy. He felt like he had been given something beautiful only to have it ripped away before he could figure out what to do with it.
He was so in love with Liam Lawson it hurt.
It was terrifying.
It was fucking unbearable.
Liam shifted slightly, his fingers flexing against the counter like he wanted to reach for Jack — but he didn’t.
Jack didn’t know if he was relieved or disappointed.
Instead, Liam just sighed, rubbing the back of his neck. “You’ll visit, right?”
Jack let out a shaky breath. “Yeah.”
“Good,” Liam murmured.
Jack nodded, staring at the floor. “Good.”
But it didn’t feel good. It felt like a countdown ticking too fast, like the end of something that had barely started.
Jack didn’t know what Liam felt.
Didn’t know if he was holding back or if there was nothing to hold back at all.
And maybe the worst part was — Jack was too scared to ask.
The silence between them was unbearable. Jack couldn’t look at Liam, couldn’t do anything but press his palms harder against the counter, grounding himself against the ache settling deep in his chest. He felt like he’d already lost something, even though Liam was still right there.
Then Liam exhaled sharply, muttered, “Fuck.”
And before Jack could react, Liam surged forward, grabbed him by his black button up shirt, and kissed him.
It wasn’t soft. It wasn’t slow. It wasn’t careful like their first time.
This was desperate. This was messy. This was Liam’s hands fisting in Jack’s hoodie like he was terrified Jack would slip away, like he was done pretending that this wasn’t tearing him apart too.
Jack gasped against his mouth, but Liam swallowed the sound, pressing in closer, tilting his head to deepen the kiss. Jack’s knees nearly buckled, his hands scrambling for something — anything — to hold onto, and he ended up gripping the front of Liam’s shirt so tight it stretched under his fingers.
“Liam,” Jack breathed between kisses, barely able to think, barely able to breathe.
Liam just groaned in response, like the sound of Jack saying his name did something to him. His fingers slipped beneath the hem of Jack’s shirt, his touch burning hot against Jack’s skin, and Jack melted.
There was no hesitation anymore, no second-guessing, no pretending.
Liam walked him backward until Jack’s lower back hit the kitchen counter, and then — then — Liam lifted him onto it, stepping between his legs, hands gripping his waist like he needed to feel him, hold him, claim him.
Jack was dizzy. “Li, you're leaving in two days,” he murmured, dazed.
Liam’s lips were on his jaw, then his throat, teeth scraping just enough to make Jack’s breath hitch.
“I’m still here now,” Liam muttered against his skin. “That’s what matters.”
Jack’s stomach flipped, his head spinning with the weight of that now.
Because now, Liam was all in.
And if this was all he got — if this was just a moment before the inevitable goodbye — Jack would take it.
Liam kissed him again, rough and consuming, and Jack let him.
He barely noticed when Liam lifted him from the counter, barely registered the path to his bedroom, barely cared about anything except the fact that Liam was here.
Right now.
With him.
And Jack didn’t want to let go.
kkofficial✅️
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kkofficial he wishes i was in him
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user WHAT THE FUCK
user HOLY SHIT??
user LIAM DID U MEAN TO POST THIS
user what...
this post is no longer available
Liam barely had time to process what he’d just done before his phone started ringing.
He was still lying on Jack’s bed, his chest rising and falling unevenly, his skin warm and marked — Jack’s nails, Jack’s mouth, Jack’s everywhere. The weight of what had just happened was still settling over him, thick and intoxicating, when the sharp vibration of his phone shattered the moment entirely.
Jack, half-asleep beside him, stirred slightly. “Who’s calling you this late?” he mumbled, voice drowsy, his fingers still lazily tracing patterns against Liam’s stomach.
Liam glanced at the screen and swore under his breath.
Hannah.
Liam grabbed his phone and stood up, jaw tight. “I’ll be back,” he muttered, barely looking at Jack as he pulled on his hoodie and slipped out the bedroom door.
Jack didn’t say anything.
Liam stepped outside onto the porch, the night air hitting his too-warm skin, cooling the heat still lingering from what they’d done. He exhaled sharply before finally answering.
The moment he did, Hannah’s voice exploded through the phone.
“Are you insane?!”
Liam winced, pinching the bridge of his nose. “Hannah—”
“Don’t Hannah me, Liam! What the fuck was that? Do you have any idea what you just did?”
Liam clenched his jaw, already knowing exactly what she was talking about.
The pictures.
He had posted them without thinking — reckless, needy, wanting for once in his goddamn life. One of Jack sprawled out on the bed, sheets tangled around his legs, his flushed skin barely covered, the marks Liam had left on him clear. Another of Liam’s own back, scratches running down his shoulder blades — undeniable proof of everything they’d just done.
He had deleted them barely a minute later.
But it was too late.
“I—”
“You think deleting them was enough?” Hannah snapped, her voice sharp and furious. “People saw, Liam. I saw. What the fuck were you thinking?”
Liam ran a hand through his hair, pacing slightly. “It was a mistake. I wasn’t—”
“You weren’t thinking. Yeah, no shit.” She let out a harsh laugh, but there was nothing amused about it. “Do you even care what happens if your parents see that? If my parents see that?”
Liam’s stomach twisted. He knew what she was really saying.
If their parents saw, there was no getting out of this. They would make him marry her faster than he could blink.
Hannah’s voice dropped lower, more controlled, but somehow worse. “You need to leave, Liam. Now.”
Liam froze. “What?”
“You heard me,” she snapped. “Get your shit, book an early flight, and come back. Now.”
Liam’s fingers curled into a fist at his side. “Hannah—”
“I’m serious.” Her voice was cold. “If you don’t, I’ll tell them myself.”
Liam’s breath caught. His grip tightened around his phone. “You wouldn’t.”
Hannah let out a slow, pointed exhale. “Try me.”
Liam felt something crack deep inside his chest.
She would. Of course she would. Because to her, this wasn’t about him, or Jack, or what he wanted. It was about keeping up appearances. It was about making sure neither of them embarrassed their families, making sure Liam did what was expected of him.
He squeezed his eyes shut.
He had two days left. Just two.
But now he had to make a choice.
Stay and risk everything.
Or leave before it all came crashing down.
#gulp#sorry guys#f1#formula 1#ll30#jd7#liam lawson#jack doohan#lawhan#rpf#fanfic#fic#socmed au#smau#mixed media#idk#kats f1 blurbs!
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#Reds such a unique and sad character to me#No matter what he does he is in a loop somehow. both actually and mentally.#He wants change - but he's afraid of it - But he NEEDS it - but its too scary.#He wants to be normal - But normal is boring - But its safe.#Too weird for people - too normal for freaks.#He Likes those two - But getting attached hurts. - But he truly does love them - But what if hes the issue? what is HE hurts them.#and thats why i think transport was such a big turning point. because he does hurt them#He tries his best and does what he thinks will be best.#him being alone so he issnt an “Issue”#And them being happy and healthy in a place where thier needs are met. and they dont have to be scared anymore.#but he fails and he hurts them.#His torture here is feeling helpless and whenever he tries it fails to the point he feels awful.#He has such complex and battling emotions they loop in his head over and over. too the point he cant do anything#thus making him a neutral character.#But neutral issnt a Good thing#Yes he doesnt hurt anything. But he doesnt help or comfort either#He is in a loop inside and out.#Hes drowning.#SIIIGHH sometimes it hurts understanding him /hj. (i know theres like a gigillion ways to interpret him lmao.}#im actuly kinda sad i havent seen anyone else have the idea of him being torn apart inside and anxious tho.#or that he sees himself as a big monster. maybe even due to him leaveing before (trying to help but failing again)#or that hes easy to manipulate. thus creating danger for the other two.#But im just yapping and making a comic based on my thoughts :]#(as ive been a lil mentally ill about string man lately.#dhmis#dhmis red guy#dhmis fanart#dhmis comic#dont hug me im scared
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Koisenu Futari Episode 5 spoilers under the cut
"Or do you have a reason why it can't work with me?" "Well..." "See? There isn't any!" Kazu, you're a gem. You're in the middle of your Kazu arc, but you're a gem of a character
Takahashi is trying to say "I don't do relationship drama" without saying it explicitly
"Do you really need to be concerned about her? You would also not like if someone you want to get away from follows you around, right?" Ooh, rare miss from Takahashi. That's okay, he's allowed to make mistakes.
"What if she refuses to talk?" "We'll cross that bridge when we get to it!" "Is there any need to get hurt unnecessarily?" "If that happens, I'll console her." Hinting at Takahashi's past, and two opposing viewpoints being expressed by two characters that embody them, and it's two men wanting what's best for a woman they care about but it's not a love triangle is. Peak writing
Kazu knocked this time! Good boy.
Wait no that was Takahashi. Nevermind
Okay but Kazu does get a "good boy" for telling Takahashi to suggest a trip to Odawara
Gods, yeah. It's. Chizuru is the opposite of Kazu, she's trying to put distance and be healthy and deal with her jealousy in a responsible way because she wants to be really respectful of Sakuko's orientation. But it's also an inversion of the classic aro fear of your friends abandoning you for a partner. At the start that's what we think happened, Chizuru backed out of living with Sakuko because she got back together with her ex and dumped Sakuko without a second thought, but it's exactly the opposite. Chizuru had feelings for Sakuko and knew it wouldn't work and that's why she tried to kinda cut ties
Sakuko and Takahashi are striking in their red and blue coats, respectively. Good costuming
"Do you not wanting anything?" "Yes. If I buy anything and take it to work, they will ask who I went with, etc, etc." This feels a tiny bit hypocritical of Takahashi, here? Like, he's all for living as yourself and not feeling like you have to conform to others' expectations, but at the same time he's avoiding something he probably likes (we saw how he is with shopping and points) to avoid a conversation he doesn't want with other people
And there's green trees in the background behind the blue and red coats. Excellent eye-popping colors
What book is that? At first I thought it was The Invisible Orientation by Julie Sondra Decker, but on closer inspection I think it's probably different? Doesn't seem like Ace by Angela Chen either. Of course, I'm looking at English covers, and the Japanese version could be different
"Being a place where someone can return to." Mm.
Gods, that scene with Sakuko and Kuzo. I don't have words. ……………….. I just don't have words
Crab
Oh, Sakuko. I just want to give you a hug and tell you that everything will be okay. Also, just, wow that was amazing acting
hi you should definitely post your thoughts on each episode of Koisenu Futari (if you want to). cause there’s some character arcs and seeing how opinions of characters change is really fun!
-Interested aros in your area
You know what, I think I will. I didn't have anything to do for ASAW this year, but all of a sudden I do :)
Koisenu Futari Episode 1 spoilers under the cut
Sakuko eating food so she didn't have to talk about love, and then eating too much is just so so funny to me. Peak character design right there.
I can already tell that "Our castle" is a motif that will make me cry because I've glanced through @arotechno's posts about Koisenu Futari.
Sakuko finding Takahashi's blog is incredibly funny to me personally because I am an aroace blogger. (I mean it's also...I've been running this blog for a long time, huh. I haven't answered advice asks in a while, but like. My blog is a resource that I know has helped people figure out that they're aspec. And that's. Huh. There's something weird or surreal about that to me right now, I guess.)
Sakuko asking to be Takahashi's family when she just met him shows me that like, yeah this show really really does know what it's talking about. Because...yeah. (TV show: *is about being aroace*. Me, an aroace: *is shocked that this is so relatable*)
I also just, can't get over the fact that like. This is a real TV show. This is a real professionally made TV show, with actors and extras and lighting and cameras and soundtrack and mixing and cinematography and blocking and. Like, I've seen Bojack Horseman and stuff but like. This is a TV show about aromanticism and asexuality. And a lot of real actual people, real actual real life adults with jobs and stuff who got paid by working on this, worked on this. And the aspec stuff isn't just an incidental side character whose asexuality overshadows their aromanticism and whose identity is rarely relevant. This is a TV show specifically about being aroace. That's literally what it's about.
Has anyone done motivic analysis of the music? I wonder if there's anything interesting. I notice the piano at the very start of Ep 1 came back later in Ep 1. Obligatory https://raavenb2619.wordpress.com/2021/04/28/how-frozen-and-frozen-iis-music-codes-elsa-as-aroace/
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just going about my day idly contemplating how some of the ways hawke can interact with a romanced anders are not at all unlike how they interact with leandra (and a bit of carver too, especially with a purple hawke), and then thought about my hawke in the timeline where he romances anders and was hit straight in the face with 'was he ever actually in love, or was he just desperately trying to renegotiate with his mother's ghost in any way he could' and now i need to lie down. this is the power of dragon age 2
#'you don't know my mother' haunting me through the years#dragon age#dragon age 2#hawke#On second thought let's not go to Kirkwall; it is a silly place#there are of course as many ways to do/read that relationship as there are players to interact with it haha and all valid!#but my personal version of handers is sooo fucked up and bad times for everyone involved and I love it haha.#this is a relationship neither of them should have been in and that made everything worse and everyone unhappy in the end#locked tomb levels of the horrors of love. i ship it but in the way that I want to make it sadder and more gutwrenching each time#to be clear this is a very mutual two-way kind of fucked up but I think varric in his loyalty and love would downplay hawke's side of it#for huge swathes of their relationship anders is not in a mental place to be a good partner and the emotional blackmail is Not Okay#(but it's just like how mother used to make it! hawke's soul cries sadly as it reaches for it hungrily)#which is in some ways fair enough no one could accuse him of not warning you ahead of time fjskda#but hawke is messy about it in a way only available to a covert people pleaser who has never had a millisecond of therapy#with some added stuff that my hawke is always acespec in some form and when he gets together with anders...#is the sex something he doesn't particularly care to have or not have but it 'makes anders happy'/he longs to feel wanted *and* needed#and also a way he gets out of ever being *actually* vulnerable (which I think he'd had to be with varric for example if he Went There )#'you want the hawke who's in your head so badly and I kind of wish I were that hawke too. so let's be collaborateurs with that fantasy'#(and then maybe if I do it right every time you'll finally be happy hawke says in his heart looking at this leandra-anders phantom form)#(and echoing stuff in varric's relationship to hawke but I think the important distinction there is that varric -- is a craftsman haha#he KNOWS when he's lying/making up a story he KNOWS the difference between what is and what he wishes the world was#(I think there's some deep longing there to not know; for it to blend together or have the power to change things. but he always knows)#which ironically leaves him in a better position to actually see and understand hawke the person#even as he is creating hawke the literary figure. almost to protect him in some ways? god da2 is so full of STUFF!!! I adore it)#and of course anders gets so disillusioned with hawke's inertia and lack of action (you all but married this man anders!#you should know this about him he's already carrying the whole family and city on his shoulders if you add a gram more he'll collapse!)#and hawke feels so desperately hurt that the promise anders seemed to make that he'd be enough -- that he could fix things for him --#('I'm the one bright light in kirkwall and that apparently doesn't count for shit so I'm just slowly turning to ash for you')#turned out to be untrue. anyway. sad now. imagine them meeting like twenty years on what the fuck could you even say to each other then#(I can't imagine Hawke ever physically hurting anyone he loves so he just tells Anders to leave at the end of DA2. they COULD meet again
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pertaining to the idea of tenax’s band of strays i do think it’s touching that the kids are the ones who saved him and waited outside the door to make sure he’s okay. for all tenax claims to be harsh and cruel it’s a fine indicator of his character that the kids won’t rest without him and are there every time he’s in danger.
#AND I CAN’T FUCKING BELIEVE I HAD THEM STEALING THEIR WAY OMTO#THE PLATFORMS WHAT DO YOU MEANNNNNNN oh i love being right#also that all the kids are there watching when he kills the guy whose name i forget because i simply cannot hold names in my brain but the#evil one. who i was like oh thank GOD he died i was so sick of this plot he kept killing everyone & i screeched when he almost got claudia#something something calla saying ‘you’re not a child anymore’ about tenax’s cruelty to the brothers (which in my twisted narratives. sorry.#there’s only one scorpus who KNEW the child tenax was. the child he’s still healing and caring for. all of the children whose eyes he looks#into and sees a hurt that’s just like his? the children tenax saved whether he’ll admit it or not? scorpus saved him. and that’s all)#(also this is a terrible thing to say i knew it about but like. oh i knew it about the master of the house. tenax making sure NO ONE#touches the kids or does anything with them really but Claudia and him—the people he trusts which also now includes calla but he makes sure#it’s someone he knows. also do we have a claudia backstory??? or would i just get to invent a reason why she’s there and what she’s doing#and why she’s so loyal to tenax. did she also see the child he was and that’s why she’s so protective of him but also why she gets along#with calla so well because the two of them see how he’s festered in that. like calla fully has the rights here i think she should rip him a#new one for his lack of decency and good qualities he can be corrupt without being cruel y’know. and he should be called out on his#peter pan ass behavior you’re not a child!! there are such consequences!!! dream a little bigger a little kinder!!! change the dream you#made up with scorpus when you were a young angry teenager and make it fit who you are NOW. the life you want NOW not the life you thought#you should have & deserved. what did you learn from growing up. what changed. what do you need now & what do you want. not the same things#and i too wish that this was 30k and covered their entire backstory#BUT IN THE OPPOSITE DIRECTION of i also need it to be 100k canon-divergent (presumably. i’m only through episode eight. but i can’t imagine#that they will follow the plot EYE would write because they need to have a second season & you can’t have that without conflict which means#titus overthrown scorpus is gonna die metaphorically or literally etc etc the gold faction in shambles but technically triumphant with#domitian on the throne and tenax in a position of patrician power accepted into their society but still not equal and happy. whereas lmao#domitian you’re getting shipped off to some other city because your plot to overthrow titus failed and yet he is merciful enough he won’t#kill you he just sends you and hermes together (at which point over the months long journey you forgive and re-learn each other bc titus#didn’t know of the betrayal he thought it would be kind to send your (ex-)lover with you. do we see how this works perfectly) & tenax falls#back into the underworld where he now knows he belongs because blood is everything except when it isn’t. when he realizes what he has is#worth more. no matter if the blood he has is tainted or patrician the blood oath he swore with scorpus iron on their tongues means more.#calla’s split lip defending him and their winnings. kwaame’s blood on the hard packed sand of the arena fighting to stay alive and to come#home to them. the fire in aura’s cheeks when she laughs at ivy. SURPRISEEEE EVERY NARRATIVE IS A FOUND FAMILY I GUESS IT SPRUNG ON ME TOO.#and tenax doesn’t mind a little dirt and bribery every now and then. doesn’t aspire to former heights and shining brilliant out of shadows.#the gaudiness of gold &flash of fools’ dreams. YES CAN I FINALLY PLS GET MY BLACK FACTION TO REPLACE THE ILL-FATED GOLD THATLL COLLAPSE W/D
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So I was looking through some 'Ugly Betty' clips last night, and couldn't help but imagine these as Hugo and Noa:
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also a bonus (this one is from the show 'Desperate Housewives', but it really reminded me of Noa! I can totally see her saying and doing stuff like this lol):
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#about those first two videos#i really enjoy imagining them working together to get out of an awkward situation they don't want to be in#and both of their thought processes#like i love the “you can't set the boat on fire...Explosives work better. We didn't plan ahead!” line#and i can totally see Hugo lying about his height in general for dating services. or just bumping it up to be in the 6ft range#when he's actually like around 5'11 with shoes on (at least that's just my headcanon. it's kinda hard to tell his exact height in canon)#and he just assumes whoever he matches up with is shorter than him and won't notice lol#i mean most people are. he's already a pretty big guy#also i love the idea of Hugo misreading signals between them and kissing her at the wrong time#like they're stuck in an elevator together and Noa is mostly focusing on figuring out a way to get out#but he just sees it as the perfect opportunity to get closer to her#which obviously backfires on him (no matter how good of an idea he thought it was at the time)#because even if she *does* want to make out with him in that elevator (and she totally does) she won't let herself#and she'd probably feel awful about it afterwards#like she always does whenever she accidentally ends up pushing him away and hurting his feelings#even though she'd try to convince herself that she shouldn't regret doing that to him. that it was the smart choice#but of course that doesn't work#anyway i just wanted to share my thoughts on these!#s/i: noa simmons#hugo vasquez#otp: golden shot
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as a huge batjokes shipper i want batman and joker to hate each other in the sense they dont really hate each other, they just have really different goals and see their own version of potential in the other and right now hate is the best word for their situationship. they both love the other for what they could be but neither of them wants to be what the other one wants, and that's equally as frustrating as it is necessary for them to keep existing in their current roles. they're deadlocked and that fate surrounding each other is kind of the point -- we both have to be like this, the opposite of what the other wants, for us to keep existing at all, and for giving me that gift i both love and hate you. it's an agreement. i think the hate that's there now is born from an intense underlying love.
i think batman "hates" joker for being so amazing and smart and cunning, for being able to create grand gestures and schemes, to pull people together under his charisma and make them all believe in something, for being as extraordinary as he is but batman hates that he uses it to hurt people. he hates that joker can't channel his energy into doing something good for the world, that he hurts himself and others just because he wants to be batman's greatest enemy. i think batman wants to help joker but also hates him at this point for joker exhausting him, constantly getting hurt both emotionally and physically by him, joker never trying to improve his situation, throwing away other people's lives, showing batman he loves him by lashing out and hurting him. batman hates joker because he loves his rogues, he wants to help them, and he knows they can do better. he wants to live in a gotham that doesn't need batman but he still needs to be needed, because when there's no batman, what is bruce going to be? without joker, he will continue being batman, but it's an empty crusade. some of my favorite interactions between harvey and bruce are the ones where harvey thanks bruce for "always being there for me, never giving up on me, my very best friend." even with someone like harvey, bruce can still hold onto that hope for his rogues, never give up on them, keep going for them, even if it puts them through the cycle one more time.
i think joker hates batman in the most toxic way possible, but it's still love. i just think he's selfish and doesn't want batman to think about anyone else but him, the same way he operates for batman, but if he must think about other people then joker will make it as amazing as possible! i think he hates batman for wasting his time on ordinary people, people who are so boring that batman claims he has to protect and serve and love them but joker thinks it's all surface-level. batman won't kill joker but he'll leave room for people dying in his crusade. it's a choice he allows, and even if joker knows that's a morally fucked up way to put someone in a box, he doesn't care. batman is the type of person to train himself mentally and physically for decades and dress up in a half-silly-half-menacing costume so that everyone can have an idea about him. batman himself is not normal, and joker knows that and loves that! why is he wasting his time trying to save people that use him, abuse him, don't want him to be the best he can be? i think joker's motivations for loving batman and lashing out as if he hates him lie somewhere in between extreme admiration -- like i truly believe in your cause and that you're the right person to do it, but i'm so angry at you for wasting your time on other people and i'm so hurt and jealous that you choose them over me, just so you can be a hypocrite and let them die if i want them to anyways -- and anger at his hypocrisy -- like it's easy for joker to dedicate himself to chaos and just being in batman's life by putting batman in situations that force him to be a better and better hero, but how can batman sit there and choose and pick what morals he'll uphold and who gets to live and who gets to die?
i want to be your greatest enemy because you are the greatest hero ever, and the only way you and i can keep being the best at what we do is if we do it together, because of what we both believe in.
#does this make sense. they love each other because theyre perfect for each other#but in order to create that perfection they have to do things that build resentment#and in order to ebb that resentment they have to be in constant flux. back and forth. ebb and flow. good and evil. chaos and order.#obsession and indifference.... the two themes i think we miss out on the most bc it hurts when indifference is the opposite of love#and obviously these two cannot be indifferent toward the otther#but when they have plots that do they really fucking hurt!#like when lex luthor comes into the picture and helps joker and joker starts to make batman a little jealous#like okay maybe i dont need you to obsess over maybe any strong ideals can overtake me if u lnow what i mean#and then suddenly batmans gotta prove how well he knows joker and has to be on top of him at all times#um anyways i hope these kind of! made sense!!!!!!!!! djhdkjghijsdfhksdfh#like ideally i think joker just wishes he had batman all to himself but knows he has to share#and hes such a jealous baby that he makes it hard for batman bc of it#and batman is like yes joker jesus fucking christ i love you too but you have to let me have friends#and u have to stop killing people#and jokers like why are you friends with murderers and liars and thieves but IM BAD?#and batmans like bc i actually love everyone and want to help you all and that includes u#and jokers like jo fuck you hypocrtie hahaha see at least in my loneliness i have no laurels to rest on#and bruce is like i may struggle with my morals often but that is only because im always figuring out the best way to keep helping everyone#and if i lose sight of that ill go blind and be like you and then u wont have me anymore#lol sometimes funny tag convos get the dynamic better than the meaty posts#long post#anyways sorry i just havee 2937973957273 thoughts about them and so does everyone and i wanna throw my hat in
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beaver gnawing on wood noises
#purrs#delete later#this is gonna be a bad / hard post and i’ll have to delete it. like it feels like in making it im invoking cosmic forces to show me karma or#idk like being an ingrate or whatever. but sometimes i find myself on social media rabbitholes looking at instagram pages of.. women who#like really genuinely appear to be good moms to their kids. and love them for who they are and don’t try to make them anything different.#and who celebrate their quirks and stuff. and even share interests with them at the bare minimum. and it just makes me want to sob. like the#knot in my throat. i shouldn’t do it bc i just hurt myself but it’s like. im so lucky i have a mom and that she provides for me. and i know#there are valid reasons for that being all she can do. but also why can’t she… idk.why can’t she ummm love me. or celebrate me. or find#magic in me. or at the very least accept my humanness and be open to me like giving her feedback on stuff. even tonight at this panel this o#one woman was like yeah my two daughters call me on stuff and im like you’re right. if i called my mom on stuff (and i do) she would give me#the silent treatment (and she has) or eviscerate me (and she has). and people in my work life and on here call me endearing and say all#these things. but it’s like none of it can fill up the absolute aching pulsing void that is… my mom. my mom!!!!! is just a person i live#with anr resent most of the time. who has hurt me so badly. and i could have had a mom who like. let me sing and didn’t mock me for it.#and who came in and said goodnight to me and my sister instead of leaving us to o ur own devices because we’re twins and we had each other.#and 14 years ago today was the day that fully cemented in that she could not be that kind of mom and would never be. and i know she tried so#hard and i know she has been hurt and is still hurting. but i just want to scream. like everyone deserves a mom who loves them for who they#are and shit. and how fucking unfair is it that.. like it sounds so selfish and entitled. b it how fucking unfair is it that i got a mom who#im afraid of and then there are people like fucking… m*lissa err*co and sh*ron wh*atley (those are just the famous ones) who by all#appearances seem to be like.. not only loving but open. seeing their children as human and magic all at once. instead of a war prize and a#symbol of their own hardships or whatever. like it’s just so fucking unfair. i hate that this is the way things are for me and that it will#never change and that if it ever does i have to be the one to change it or i have to heal from it and let go of it. like FUCK that! i want#love from my mom! FUCK the fact that she can’t give it to me!!! she has to!!!!!! but she won’t. idk. delete post <3#like so genuinely i should not be even typing these words bc god is gonna smite me now lol. but my heart is howling#and the shitty thing is i don’t think i’ll be able to be that kind of mom if i ever become one bc of how badly all of this has hurt me. and#bc of all that i don’t even think i want to become a mom anymore bc i don’t want to be the reason a child feels this way or grows up to.
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day 874392857 of ??? where i am so fucking tired of this house and the people inside it that killing myself is looking better and better each day :/
#reze stfu#god i honestly. idk what to say#my parents aren't bad in terms of it. they're pretty good as far as parents go#but like. imso fucking tired of being expected to act and talk a certain way. yes. i am your first child#that is exactly the reason i am so fucked up!! because you didnt know how to deal with children when you had me an i was basically a...#idk. an experiment or wtv#I WISH THEY COULD UNDERSTAND THAT !!#i know there is something wrong with me. because i've been told that. to my face. repeatedly#and people wonder why my self esteem is so low :/#maybe if you didnt amke me question my fucking existance i wouldnt be this way. you ever thought of that??#just two more years . i gotta hanf on for two more years. thats all. thats all. and them im our im out of this house#maybe ill like them better when i dont see tjem everyday#god i love being deathly terrified of my own parents. sometimes i dont even think i love them. i think im just so scared of them#that ive deluded myself into thinking that i love them and theyd never do anything to hurt me#despite KNOWING that isnt true#and its worse when my sisters have to deal with the fallout like. im used to being the buffer. i can deal with that. but please please#please dont expect me to parent. dont expect me to take your place. side eyes my father#WHY am i the most responsible person in that house???#you expect me to trust you ??? after you left 2 10 year olds alone in a playground in the hot sun for 3 hours with no food no water no money#no way back home??? and you fucking forgot about them???? and i had to remind you????????#i dont know. maybe im just lashing out. maybe im just tired of being the fuckup#its hard to be proud of yourself when you end up being told that there is something about you that is not right in the head ykwim?#ugh im sorry for ranting i just. idek what set me off and now i have nail marks in my arm and my skin is raw again#and my eyes are bloodshot. so i guess. ill be crying myself to sleep again. yay#that is if i even GET to sleep. i just wasted 20 mins i couldve used to be working having a mental breakdown. fun fun#tw suicide#tw vent
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Posting this not to say don't support the strike, but more to remind people on Tumblr that saying "strikes are supposed to be disruptive" doesn't just mean fans are going to have to deal with not getting more of their favorite tv show or it being delayed, it also means that the rest of us who work in this industry are out of work right now and have no idea when it will return.
I think this sums my feelings up perfectly: "They should get the money they deserve for their work, but it's not going to affect us [below-the-line crew]. In the end they are going to get their deal. But we are going to be in probably about $20,000 to $30,000 debt," Bunch said. "I would love to feel a little bit like, you know, we care about you, and we know that you guys have gone through hell."
It's not that I don't support the writers 100% and want them to have full support (I do!), it's more that there has been a particular attitude on Tumblr surrounding the strike that forgets to consider below the line crew in the equation at all and has been increasingly getting on my nerves.
#people are acting like the only players in all of this are the wga the dga sag and the studios#and idk. it's a lot more complicated than that. this isn't just the people striking are the good guys and the studios are the bad guys I#hope they get shut down for months and lose lots of moeny#like it's a very vindictive attitude the way i see people on here NOT in the industry talking about it when like#i have no love or support of the amtpt they don't give a shit about ANY of us as long as they can save money#and I FULLY support the writer's sticking up for themselves#I just kind of wish it wasn't being talked about like no one else is in the equation?#that's all#i don't know it's possible to go I hope this hurts the amtpt and they're forced to cave to the wga and sag and give them what they deserve#but also I hope this doesn't go on indefinitely because a lot of people are out of work right now#and any time i see people talking about negative affects of the strike it's just you have to deal with the fact you won't get your favorite#tv show for a while!!!#and it's like ONE people being annoyed at their show getting delayed is SO annoying come on but TWO that is not the only negative affect of#the strike#idk it's possible to support something and STILL recognizes that it hurts people who don't deserve it#you know?#it's not black and white
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Girl help I keep thinking about freaking persona 4
#i have banned myself from engaging with any persona 4 related content (except for memes my sister sends me)#because yeah its genuinely deeply upsetting for me and i always feel like absolute shit#but aghhh for some reason my brain has been fixated on it this week thinking about all the offensive garbage it is#and i keep thinking of all the evidence i can gather definitively proving that the writing is sooooo homophobic/transphobic#which is a very easy thing to gather up and prove since its all over the damn place lol#but like im just so fixated on how awful the game is and how the fans are even worse and i have this urge to argue forever#something im sure a lot of yall can relate to#cuz god it hurts to be screaming at people that theyre hurting you and for them to just say no to you as if its up for debate#if this sounds dramatic cuz its Juat A Game liiiike no its not Just A Game this is about#my daily life requires me to argue my existence constantly and its the same for every other damn marginalized person out there#and idk if youre still gonna either ignore or deny that persona 4 isnt batshit insanely offensive then youre stupid#i dont have the patience to argue shit like this anymore because theres no way someone with a brain can deny shit like that#and quite frankly even well intentioned queer fans who try to make headcanons that either say fuck you to the game#or hcs that do nothing at all to challenge the bigotry in p4 are kinda annoying to me#cuz it hurts too much to play along like yeah id LOVE to just slap a rainbow on kanji and a trans guy badge on naoto#and call it a day and enjoy the game outside of it all but thats kinda impossible#when these two characters entire existence revolves around the bigotry and its done in a way that hurts like hell to see#its too real for me to enjoy even if i make positive ‘fuck you atlus’ fan art#yeah ughhhh whatever its just annoying cuz I’ve been doing a good job at blocking this game away from my life#cuz it brought nothing but anger to me but its just been something thats been stuck on me lately#and im really not sure what triggered this or why its been lingering so long like please stoppp#its really embarrassing to be having bad mental illness over a shitty bibleo game 🙄
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