#maximum dysfunction

[jenahsey-creates]

Finally finished this expression study of Sassy Quokka Aziraphale I've had sitting unfinished for like a month. Inspired by this group of classic Aziraphale faces from a "What Aziraphale are you today" poll:

[jacenbren]

Sometimes a family is just you, your slutty machine gun-wielding ex-catholic-priest boyfriend, your girlfriend and her girlfriend who work for space geico, your "old druncle," and your eldritch horror eco-terrorist twin brother who wears a snuggie at all times

[crimson-nail]

i have been cooking an over-complicated roleswap au for. a VERY long time

[crowlore]

Toast to a Saint

[ohitslen]

Confession time: I’m just at chapter three of Trigun, the first volume OANSNKW

I meAN, I’ve been meaning to read forward, but I know it’ll leave a gaping hole inside my heart and I need to FUNCTION you know, I have to pull the last push of the semester and Trigun is already occupying too much of my mind, can’t imagine what will happen once I read the manga. So that is that.

[universalsatan]

holy fucking shit. i’ve been like. out of commission the entire day. i got to my 9am fueled purely by being gay (because id see my boy) and crashed the moment i got home. i’ve basically been in bed ever since. i haven’t had a day this bad since my real bad depression days

ya turns out. i think my adderall fuckin ran out and i didnt notice when i took my meds this morning

[sunnycanvas]

Hello, it's not a fanfic, it's a question. Do you think that Balwin can or resists, so to speak, having intimate relationships?

It's actually going to be difficult. Baldwin IV suffered from lepromatous leprosy. It is said that people in this condition suffer from loss of libido, Ejaculation dysfunction as well as infertility in men in small percentage. Baldwin IV also been known to be prone to weakness and constantly in ill health. Example: The King was unhorsed and carried to safety on a knight's back because he could not remount on his own. He did need soldier's help sometimes to get up and get down from the horse. He was also easily prone to diseases as well. I personally don't believe Baldwin IV would participating in sex. Not just because of religious reasons but because maximum times he won't feel the need for it(loss of libido). Ejaculation dysfunction is going to make it painful. Him being sickly is also another reason. I personally believe sex life with him will be non existent unless he decides to compromise for his s/o. Then also it's going very few occasions where he will have sex with his s/o

@trobairitzdedia has done a really good job in explaining to me. Thank you so much!

[communistkenobi]

genuinely curious, if you think "it's a girl!" and "it's a boy!" categorisations are inherently oppressive, do you believe a world where gender isn't recognized in any meaningful way before the child has means to define it for themself to be the best alternative?

I’m going to use a different abolitionist example to illustrate what I mean: when people advocate for abolishing the nuclear family, they are not saying “get rid of parental relationships” or “get rid of fathers.” They are identifying a specific social relation that is used as a building block of society and advocating for a world where it doesn’t exist, because its existence is the foundation of certain forms of oppression. The western social model where children are raised in private detached housing by a maximum of two parents (and realistically, mostly by their mother - a huge problem in itself!) who have complete control over their material, emotional, and social needs produces a fucking huge amount of adverse outcomes - abuse, trauma, dysfunction, poor health - the list is nearly infinite. And this family model also inherently reproduces class, race, and gender by virtue of the fact that children inherit those things from their parents and are forced to exist in those contexts. And even in individual cases where it doesn’t produce abuse, even if you have very good parents who are not abusive to you in any way, that social relationship is still oppressive, in the same way that having a cool boss doesn’t mean that wage labour is good. A society where children are not entirely dependent on one or two people for all of their needs, where they are free to form meaningful relationships with adults outside of strict categories of family, where children are not legally and socially treated like the property of their parents, where bloodline is not privileged as the dominant mode of intergenerational transfer of knowledge, culture, skill, wealth, etc, is a much better world!

“Gender abolition” is, I think, a poor term for a similar goal, and one that has a lot of reactionary baggage (baggage that is not coincidental - I think its imprecision as a term is useful for terf politics). Abolition of patriarchy is probably more precise - I am advocating for a world where gender is entirely non-coercive, where gender does not produce any oppressive social relations. You can engage in gender as a culture in the same way you can engage with different forms of art, in a way that is purely voluntary. This configuration does not prohibit the possibility of trans people; we would just exist in an entirely different form than the current western, medicalist, patriarchal, white supremacist context we are forced to navigate.

So yes, I think for gender to be truly emancipatory, it needs to be engaged with as a voluntary form of human culture, as a form of art that we do with ourselves and our bodies, and to do this we need to abolish sex distinctions on medical records, gender markers on state documents, gendered facilities, and many, many other things.

[butchcarmy]

CARMY X READER ENJOYERS I need ur input

I wanna write a rly dysfunctional fic abt a relationship between you, a chef working at the beef (for maximum distress) and carmy (YOUR BOSS!!!) im thinking friends with benefits, messy emotions, angry sex, just a gigantic traumatic clusterfck

What do u guys wanna see from a messy carmy fic like this?? I’m trying to come up with scenes and meat for plot but I want some outside input

For example here are some scenes I vaguely have in mind

Carmy being rly mad and arguing with you and you argue back and shut him up by giving him a blowjob in the back (LMFAO)

You doing a REALLY good job at handling the chaos of a day in the kitchen and he is like “come to the back for a reward” and he gives you head

Taking a smoke break with him in the back after saying just the WORST things to each other in the kitchen. Maybe you will make out. Who knows

You and carmy usually argue but one day he makes you cry and then he feels really bad

It’s sort of an enemies to fuckbuddies/friends to lovers situation and you guys bring out the worst in each other because…it’s fun to explore!

Anyway yeah if y’all have any thoughts on it PLS HMU whether it’s in dms or my inbox!!

[currymanganese]

The Bear season 2 episode 6 is a cleaver to the chest. Maximum psychic and emotional damage. Yikes. Natalie and Carmen are actually surprisingly well adjusted people all things considered, Natalie especially. Made me actually re-evaluate my opinions concerning them. Donna Berzatto / Uncle Lee is a typhoon of dysfunction and Michael broke against it plus his own addictions and sank, but Natalie and Carm are still fighting and eking out an existence, wow. Thank God Natalie has Pete, the Berzattos need all the help they can get.

[jacenbren]

Don’t you just hate it when your dysfunctional family comprised of three quasi-immortal interdimensional aliens with autism, strong senses of justice, godlike powers, and wildly conflicting opinions on humanity manage to single-handedly reduce a large metropolitan area to a smoking crater

read the fic here lmao

[veliseraptor]

Top five canon ships from your fandoms?

canon ships? what're those. also I mean. how "canon" are we talking, like, explicitly canon, implicitly canon, they-get-together-at-the-end canon, they-at-some-point-were-a-thing canon, plausible-deniability-canon, it's complicated

but okay, to try to take this in the spirit it was probably meant

Hua Cheng/Xie Lian from TGCF. one of the most incredible things about TGCF is that it actually made me wholeheartedly and enthusiastically ship a completely canon and...relatively functional...ship. I mean, they've definitely got their dysfunction (Hua Cheng get some self esteem and maybe pedestalize Xie Lian a little less challenge) but they're weirdo4weirdo and friends in a delightful way that makes me really enjoy how they do it. I'm not saying they invented love, as the saying goes, but they're certainly good at it.

Felix Harrowgate &/ Mildmay from Doctrine of Labyrinths. look, if there's explicit incestuous attraction at at least one point I think it counts. this is one of those ships that straddles the line between & and / for me a lot of the time, because any sexual stuff aside it's so intense and intimate that, like. it might as well be a "classic" ship, just without the sex, and we're agreed that something doesn't have to have sex in it to be a ship, right? and there is the canonical one-sided incestuous attraction, so, like. it's not even completely without the sex.

Vegas Theerapanyakul/Pete Saengtham from Kinnporsche. cannot believe that this is canon thing that actually happened in a show that I watched. made 4 me. incredible. forever grateful to Kinnporsche for giving me this gift.

Caleb Widogast/Essek Thelyss from Critical Role. I feel like it's canon enough? maybe that's controversial but I'm going to stand by it. fascinating dynamic, two fucked up people being fucked up together, atonement arcs that aren't usually my thing but crossed with a wondrous amount of wizard hubris and people who are both kind of bad at being people. I'm into it.

Chu Wanning/Taxian-jun from 2HA. this spot was more of a toss-up but ultimately I settled on these two. I specify Taxian-jun here because while I really enjoy Mo Ran/Chu Wanning other flavor it's truly the Maximum Fucked Up that gets/got me. the hate/love/obsession of it. so good, I'm rolling around in it like a cat in catnip. thank u Meatbun for giving this to me with all its laundry list of associated trigger warnings

I feel like everyone should know how fucking tempted I was to put xuexiao on here. because it was very tempted. they're so close, you guys, I would argue implicitly canon, but, well. probably not what you meant, anon.

a number of what I'd call "plausible deniability canon" ships from mxtx, really. but again, spirit of the question.

[new-tella-us]

Next King Ending!

That doesn't end in death for everyone involved. James!

You know what that means! Tired, rambling historian voice!

*AHEM*

The Golden Era was an era of many hiccups and controversies but ultimately was the most prosperous era of all the Abyssal Plains. With one major hiccups by the demon only known as the Demon Lord, and a bumpy transition back to normalcy, today we will be talking about the rulers that started the Golden Era's comeback.

That being King Raestrao and Queen Ezaeur. Raestrao is the son of the previous Golden queen Istorae and the Demon Lord. Ezaeur is the daughter of two pure blooded royals of the Lilith king that, due to the carnage and subsequent scrubbing from the history books, we don't know the names of.

Now the immediate assumption is that these two were set up in an arranged marriage and...you'd be like 40% right. They were but then Raestrao along with his brothers would disappear on a ten year excursion thus ending the arranged marriage and probably triggering the massacre of Lilith Kingdom.

Where did Raestrao's brothers go? What happened to the remnant of the rebellion? Why did Raestrao disappear and abandon the marriage only to come back and get married to Ezaeur ten years later? If I even tried to figure those out I would die of lack of energy and coffee overdose. (I'm already tired man... leave me alone)

Aka, we don't know. He just vanishes and the earliest records of his return are ten years later during the war against his father.

Speaking of, how did that end? Another place of murky details! It would have been as straight forward as "Raestrao and Ezaeur killed the Demon Lord and took the throne," if staff didn't find feathers at the scene. Angels were involved but it's completely unknown on how. There is also evidence that the disappearance and supposed death of Istorae was caused by angels as well so there's that. Other than that, we know nothing.

Now that the Golden Kingdom has been restored, how have the two rulers faired. Not great! The most stable part of their rule were their laws and attempts to rebuild. Raestrao and Ezaeur were clearly very intelligent being that they manage to start a new set of laws, repair their kingdoms far past their previous glory and even improved agriculture by using methods only seen in the human world and combining them with magic for maximum efficiency. As law makers, they were beloved by all.

As rulers... we get a little worse. Reports of madness yellow imply that both rulers suffered from it and that would explain the higher amount of executions than previous generations -minus the Demon Lord-. The best way to describe the pair as rulers are ruthless, especially to whatever people they didn't originally belong to. Aka if someone of the Lilith kingdom pissed them off, they were better off pleading their case to Ezaeur as Raestrao would show no mercy and vice versa.

Then there was them as a couple. Dysfunctional as HELL. There are no reports or paintings of those two being happy together. In fact, on more than one occasion, a fight between the two rulers had to be quelled to keep it from getting physical. They also slept in separate rooms on the opposite sides of the castle. That was damn near unheard of! Even Istorae and the Demon Lord shared a room! All of this plus the existence of a harem girl and the rumored relationship between the Queen and her bodyguard are proof enough that those two clearly did not like each other and there was no sense of loyalty in their relationship.

It's strictly business.

Speaking of the harem girl! This human's name is a little unclear. Some records would say it's "Mika" though the most common thing she was called was "Human" and the most common nickname she was given was either "Aphrodite" (The human, greek goddess of love and beauty) or "Ambrosia" (Another human, greek name meaning "drink from the gods"). For the sake of giving her a name, we'll call her "Ambrosia" as that name was the most popular. Unlike many concubines before her, we actually have VERY clear records of her existence! Yay! My job is easier for once! This is the girl you would look to if you wanted to see any semblance of happiness out of the king, though she may have not been as happy to be there. She's a human girl a few years younger than the king and the two most likely met during Raestrao's disappearance as Ambrosia starts popping up in the records during the war like Raestrao.

Now easier doesn't mean easy, there still a lot of questions about how exactly she made it to the demon world, why she was involved in the war and what made her stay after the war -if she was even given a choice, which was unlikely seeing the chains often depicted on her wrists and ankles.

She was clearly a prisoner in the castle and there to serve Raestrao personally but she seemed to be treated better than most harem girls. (Side note- Yes I'm going to say that with every version of Mika in these endings. The boys aren't abusing her like the Demon Lord abused Omaizel) Often her main outfits were compared to the ones the previous queen, Istorae, would wear and this seems to be no accident as she was also provided Istorae's scarf-thing. This was probably to give her an air of royalty and be a subtle reminder that she was to be treated like how you were to treat a queen.

Another interesting figure would be the Queen's knight, Saero. Surprisingly, there's less information about him than there is about the human that appeared randomly 100 years after him. He was a servant of the Lilith kingdom and specifically Ezaeur since he was young. Even after the kingdom burnt down, he stayed loyal to his mistress and followed her even to this new kingdom. There's supporting evidence that, like the harem girl and the king, there might have been a sexual relationship going on between the Queen and her guard especially since he seemed to be the only one that she ever confides in.

Now, what about heirs? There was at least one! Though might have been two? Okay let me explain. There were at least four children that were the daughters and sons of Raestrao or Ezaeur. However, there is only one that is confirmed to be the daughter of Raestrao and Ezaeur. That would be the heir and eventual next Queen of the golden kingdom. There were also three others of dubious origins. From the taint we can assume that the firstborne son and youngest daughter were Raestrao's children and the secondborne son (aka the middle child) was Ezaeur's child.

The two sons were eventually confirmed to not have been the children of both rulers with the firstborne being most liking Ambrosia's child and the second son being most likely Saero's child. The last child, however, is unknown. She takes most of her appearance from her father so it's hard to tell who the mother of said child is. On top of that, there are multiple paintings that depict Raestrao having a much warmer relationship with his youngest daughter than either of his confirmed child. Yes, including the heir. And we're not completely sure on why. The only theory that's stuck is that the youngest (possibly illegitimate) daughter acted very similar to someone Raestrao cared about, sweet and curious, unlike his eldest son who's far more abrasive in personality and his eldest daughter who was more cold and calculated.

In the end, when the kids came of age; Raestrao's eldest son, similarly to his father, disappeared for a few years before popping up again and settling in a small town. The eldest daughter and heir took the throne and ruled with a similar about of intelligence and coldness as her parents. And Ezaeur's eldest son and Raestrao's (and possibly Ezaeur's?) youngest daughter became nobles for different kingdoms (Despite at least Ezaeur's son being a bastard child) and would marry their rulers and spread the golden reign.

[dissociacrip]

this turned into a long adhd rant whoopsie

it really does suck how people seem to downplay autism and adhd now lol. autism has been reduced to people who can mask and have low support needs and adhd hasn't really changed from its status as a joke.

i don't talk about adhd much but it probably gets in the way of me being able to function just as much, if not more than autism does (in my personal situation) when it comes to mental disability. not showering enough. not cooking. not cleaning my living space properly. forgetting to brush my teeth. dishes sitting in the sink for so long they start getting moldy. only being able to maybe do 1-3 tasks a day maximum because my brain can't organize itself enough to do more than that. difficulty committing to things and being consistent in overarching ways. being late to things a lot. highly impaired verbal recall so i forget things people say to me, forget verbal instructions, etc. on top of the other acutely stressful situations that come with memory and regulating my attention span (e.g. locking my keys in my car or locking myself out of my house when i have a very limited support network to remediate those situations.)

my meds barely touch this stuff for me and i'm not especially inclined to increase the dosage after bordering on psychosis when i was taking 40mg of vyvanse. i've just become so accustomed to living the way that i do (because my case is pretty bad afaik) so i can't just will myself to be another way. any efforts i make to change or be more organized and routine and consistent end up getting dashed away because i just cannot do it lol. my shit just doesn't work. adhd is a massive barrier between me and being a functioning person or being able to take care of myself. i'm pretty sure would still be a "gross" and unpalatable disabled person even if my muscles worked and i didn't have POTS/etc. that also get in the way of my hygiene and the cleanliness of my living space.

that doesn't even go into how other people react to it. a good chunk of physical and verbal abuse i faced from my family as a child was related to my adhd symptoms. i was diagnosed at a young age but my parents "forgot" it happened and it was never addressed otherwise. i got constantly called disgusting for my hygiene problems and was threatened with violence over it (on top of the times where i was actually getting assaulted.) people take my impaired verbal recall and lack of impulse control irt accidentally cutting people off or interrupting them personally, accusing me of not caring enough when it's something that is extremely difficult to be aware of or manage when adhd is a condition that distinctly involves impaired awareness of your own behavior.

so when i see shit like "just set alarms" or anything else that amounts to "you're not trying hard enough" or adhd not very much being a disability, especially when it's coming from other people w/ adhd, it kinda makes me wanna stab things with knives.

sure, it's not the worst condition ever, but just like most other disabilities, the way it affects everyone who is it is different and some are gonna be able to manage it better than others. sure, there a lot of really fucking annoying people (usually able-bodied) w/ adhd on social media that have large platforms and who very often profit from or encourage liberal pop psych bullshit when it comes to adhd, but it's still very much a disability. it can affect hygiene. it can affect employment or otherwise means of earning an income. it can affect our social lives and whether we have a support system. it can affect whether someone can keep their house from getting infested with bugs or mold. it is very much something that causes dysfunction in ways that aren't nearly as cutesy as the little comics you might see on instagram are drawn.

just remember that.

[3cosmicfrogs]

for the ask game: naybe an AU where LXC is not on the stairs at thaf JGY/NMJ confrontatiom but baxia Got Attached so she refuses to be like. Slammed down?? And nieyao js now awkwarsly staring at each other, because whay is happening

hmmmmm you propose an interesting scenario.... i guess this could fit into the More Sentient Baxia AU that Woob and i have fever-dreamed up? in that case, five headcanons of what would happen if baxia got Attached:

baxia does not want to kill the Searching-Wanting-Waiting-Watching Human. she likes him, he gives nice skritches. and he always surrounds himself with a delicious aura of almost-evil that she just itches to sink her teeth into and rip away from him... Plus, her master clearly likes him too, he just needs her to show him!

baxia has seen into her human's heart and decided that he needs to get laid, immediately. She will take the necessary steps to make this happen, because she is a Good Sabre! now that she's saved the Searching-Wanting-Waiting-Watching Human, she only needs to find a way to make her intentions clear to the Floating-Calming-Softly-Quietly Human... her best course of action is clearly to start hovering in his peripheral vision from what she is sure is her most seductive angle.

Misunderstandings! Misunderstandings everywhere! naturally, because they are grown adults, mingjue and meng yao cannot possibly have a conversation about this. they will continue to Agonise separately and entirely unproductively while Xichen looks on and sighs. All the while everyone is being terrorised by baxia. Eventually someone breaks (my bet is on xichen) and demands to know exactly what is going on?! and if you think the resulting argument anything is but a sarcastic word-duel you'd be wrong! again, because nieyao are mature, grown-ass adults about this who can totally handle their feelings.

"are you upset you couldn't follow through, da-ge?" "I swear this has never happened before! I usually perform just fine!" "that's alright, mingjue-xiong, maybe you were just stressed?" "yes, there's no reason to be embarassed, da-ge." "a-yao is right, i'm sure this sort of thing happens all the time...?" "well did it ever happen to either of you?!" "...no." "whatever! let's try again then, i'm sure i'll manage this time!" <- this conversation will be overheard by an outside character of your choosing (nhs perhaps?) to Maximum Comedic Effect.

When the Issues Are Being Resolved, mingjue is faced with the absolutely mortifying ordeal of explaining to his increasingly incredulous sworn brothers that yes, nie sabres do in fact sometimes talk to their masters, of course this is normal what are you talking about, and also his magical bloodthirsty weapon has decided that he really really needs a romantic relationship and picked xichen and meng yao. yes she's been tormenting him. they can try a relationship he supposes, just to satisfy the Magical Bloodthirsty Weapon of course, no feelings will arise surely, and if nothing comes of it she will back off. this is entirely unaided by huaisang, who keeps orchestrating bed shortages and feeding the three of them aphrodisiacs because he is convinced that his brother is suffering from erectile dysfunction.

I'm not very good at making coherent plots or headcanons as you can see, but i thrive in crack treated seriously, and so this is what this will be.

[olderthannetfic]

I looked at recent endOTWracism stuff linked from previous asks and the main thing they seem mad about is ao3 not hiring a diversity consultant yet? Which seems like a lit of pressure for one person when really broad sensitivity training for the abuse team seems more effective? Also, they kept referring and talking around what they're actually mad about you for. I had to go through 4 diff twitter threads linked within each other to find something about a 16k racist screed? But they don't actually link or name the fic that i saw, so it could be anything from a racist manifesto to idk, bts fanfic?

They just seem really caught up in their own righteousness, to the point of being naive.

--

It's an old rant post from 2016 that's pretty badly written, but you can go read it if you want.

I haven't volunteered with OTW since 2014, and while I did set a few policies (like ignoring duplicate reports of the same work to lighten the burden on the Abuse team), I really don't think I'm terribly relevant anymore to the standard organizational dysfunction that has been all through all parts of OTW since the beginning.

I don't know how many people are on the Abuse team now. In my day, we had maybe 3 active people at a time. I'll bet they're equivalently understaffed now.

Sensitivity training won't do shit if they're operating at way more than maximum capacity at all times. That kind of situation is exactly why so many nonprofits have the type of dysfunction OTW does.