#which will hit me like a truck I know it
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Confession time: I’m just at chapter three of Trigun, the first volume OANSNKW
I meAN, I’ve been meaning to read forward, but I know it’ll leave a gaping hole inside my heart and I need to FUNCTION you know, I have to pull the last push of the semester and Trigun is already occupying too much of my mind, can’t imagine what will happen once I read the manga. So that is that.
#trigun maximum#Trigun#trigun manga#honestly though I have the sht spoiled out of myself so um yeah#in a banana fish way yk#like I know some key points but not the plot plot entirely#which will hit me like a truck I know it#I REALLY want to read it but I’m too mentally ill to just read it casually#so yeah this means I’ll only be able to indulge it fully till the end of may when my semester ends#I’m really that useless at enjoying stuff and being functional at the same time#to be fair I do have adhd with a severe executive dysfunction and my hyperfixations get bad#so really restraining myself so far is an accomplishment of it own#lenssi rambles
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Grojband, but as a band from an early 2000s shoujo manga
#I was literally just going about my day and then this idea hit me like a truck and I couldn't do anything else until I drew this#I'm apparently still on the nostalgia train and have no real intention of getting off anytime soon lol#next stop?#Who knows!#I pulled up so many reference images for this only to use like three of them T-T#you bet i made a bunch of sketches of them to make up for it!#you can probably tell which two mangas I referenced for this this#also this style is so hard???#artists just draw like this all the time???#just drawing laney nearly drained away all my sanity#also yes they are aged up because there is no way that they could look this dramatic and angsty at their actual ages XD#have i mentioned how much i love tumblr#I get to rant as much as i want down here and no one cares lol#grojband#corey riffin#laney penn#kin kujira#kon kujira#anime and manga#artists on tumblr#digital art#fanart#grojband fanart#shoujo manga#artist on tumblr#my art
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…She saw a future in which he was captured by orcs and still handed him the ring anyway. The level of trust
#rings of power spoilers#rings of power#galadriel#elrond#but she could’ve handed it to any of the other three elves standing RIGHT THERE#yes yes I know it’s likely for plot reasons#‘they’re from a LoWeR cLaSs’ or whatever uh we’ve PROVED she and Elrond are willing to toss each other aside over the rings#in desperate times she could VERY MUCH have handed it to someone else#IF she even would think that way about her own company#which she probably does but not to a ‘can’t trust them to keep the ring from evil’ extent#anyway this hit me like a mac truck#edited bc I realized my original meaning was very unclear
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I find it funny to imagine that you can tell which marginalized identity someone identifies with the most by which aspect of the Murderbot casting they're most upset by
#i'm agender so you know#that's the thing that immediately hit me like a truck#but other people are understandably most concerned about other things#the situation is complicated and i have a lot of thoughts#most of which are ultimately very specific to me#but this potential observation is a take i'm comfortable sharing#murderbot#murderbot diaries#murderbot show
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#so anyway i’m on a train and this is my quick recap#of what i’ve been up to the last year#firstly i found out i have adhd because i was so burnt out and anxious i was sent to the hospital with a suspected heart attack lol#which they’re currently looking into to see if i have any heart problems or just anxiety 24/7 🙃#either way it’s been a great explanation for why i find everything so difficult everyday when i didn’t even know i was finding it hard 😐#my mum also almost died which was very much not fun and a little traumatising#i also can’t remember if i mentioned this before i disappeared (i must have) but i bought my own flat here in london which was my lifes goal#and i’ve spent the last like 8 months renovating to my own taste#it’s been a crazy and overwhelming experience doing all#of this by myself#but nether the less she persisted !!!!#and i’m finally in!!!#living alone? would highly recommend#and lastly this genocide has broken my heart completely and disrupted my ability to enjoy a lot of things and was why i wouldn’t bring#myself to come on here and talk about things that really didn’t matter in comparison#i have a friend directly effected and i feel v personally effected as someone who is west asian/muslim#so yeah it’s been difficult#and then the liam news hit me like a truck#it’s just been a Time#and the months slipped away from me like water#the only good thing that’s happened i guess is that i discovered sleep token this year and they immediately became my favourite band#i’m seeing them next month and have had them on repeat non stop#so apologies in advance for turning into a sleep token blog lol
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i try not to overthink the worldbuilding in Scoob and Shag because it's a thin premise that can't withstand much scrutiny (especially stuff relating to Toone), but i did have some thoughts that don't blow up the story's logic, so.
-first of all, the concept of "cartoon characters = actors" is inherently fascinating. especially since a lot of the actors seem to be government workers as well, implying the government used their own staff along with professional actors (like Yoge). what was the criteria? did they just have to look human? did Toone write show premises around whatever "characters" they had available? maybe that would explain some illogical plots and clunky lines in saturday morning cartoons - the actors didn't have much acting experience, and for all we know the writers were entry-level accountants.
-ballyhoo is also fascinating. it's basically a living metaphor for how an audience can influence their media: a toon's ballyhoo is directly empowered by how much love the human population gives them, just like how enough love of a fictional character makes them popular enough to keep appearing in media. it increases their strength (bc they have influence over the world) and extends their lifespan (bc they don't "die" until people stop caring about them), and all the ballyhoos are named after tv/movie terms like Picture in Picture or Jump Cut, implying that using tv/movie screens as a medium influences what sort of abilities they can get.
-the fact that too much ballyhoo causes you to instinctively, uncontrollably break the fourth wall is super fun and super fascinating and (as Bugs demonstrates) super horrifying. too much energy from meta sources causes the confines of your narrative to break down, leaving you in a weird spot in-between your world and a world you can't see.
-i can't stop thinking about The Inspector's backstory. it's just so tragic. born an android, given a literal soulmate shortly after creation, constantly looked down upon for not having a ballyhoo, losing his soulmate to old age, then losing his home to a war caused by the very thing you were devalued for not having. Bugs said that a toon's ballyhoo can extend their lifespan (likely bc a character who's beloved by fans doesn't really die), so the fact that Penny got old and died means she wasn't popular enough with the humans, which makes sense - Inspector Gadget is the iconic one after all. he's the one who everyone loved and remembered, and it was completely useless to him because he didn't have ballyhoo. no wonder he never smiles.
-i just realized that the Inspector was forced to leave Penny's grave behind when he escaped Toone. he can never visit her again :(
-speaking of screen partners, i love thinking about how the dynamics in cartoon series translate into real life and vice versa. it's a chicken and egg question: did certain characters land roles together because they were friends, or did they become friends because they worked together as actors? were Spongebob and Patrick actually buddies? did Felix the Cat work with Mick back in the beginning days of sending broadcasts? what's Scooby's professional opinion on Scrappy-Doo?
-(i wonder if you could justify the short period in Scooby-Doo history where Shaggy and Scooby were the only members of the gang regularly appearing in shows as "the government needed a way to keep the dangerous terrorists busy so they literally Could Not let those two stop appearing in things" asjhshbjahsjahsja)
-i I love that all the commanders are cartoon characters who were so popular/beloved that they seeped into (usamerican) popular culture: Mickey Mouse, Homer Simpson, Bugs Bunny, etc. They were the most powerful because their cartoons became the powerhouses of their respective eras - you can't get more loved than them.
-i wonder if the Simpsons were basically an ageless family back on Toone because they're still popular even after 40+ years, halting their aging. actually, i bet a lot of toons stopped aging after ballyhoo became commonplace. if your lifespan was defined by how loved you were by a fickle human audience, how do you think that affected relationships? it must've been hard if you had a tangible, literally life-affecting gauge of how popular you are according to alien beings you've never met.
-i was thinking about why Kermit is included as an mc when he's a muppet and the other toons are strictly western animation characters. the doylist explanation is that the author hadn't decided to limit the media used (similar to how Mario and Goku appear in early episodes), but i have a watsonian theory. i think Kermit is from the old Muppet Babies saturday morning cartoon, all grown up. he might've been a child actor who stayed with the government even after aging out, possibly explaining why there aren't any other muppets: they left the business and probably didn't escape Toone as a result.
-relatedly: my headcanon is that traditional (i.e. not toon-led) animation IS possible in this universe, and any animated project not usamerican is created that way. so anime is to the toons as a cg character is to humans, and the Goku pic is the equivalent of...i dunno, a photo of Avatarized Jake Sully lol.
-the fact that anime characters apparently didn't exist on Toone is probably for the best. can you imagine how powerful characters like Sasuke and Bakugo would be lmao.
-lastly, i was thinking about the old gods (or whatever they are). i'm pretty sure they're beings who exist behind the fourth wall. when Dee is pulled into the purple one's domain, she at first sees it as a wide open area in space, but then she starts processing it as more of a glass cube, with one huge window screen, large tubes, and wires running through the floating spheres - not unlike being held inside a tv. the purple god even says that staying too long will cause her mind to "shatter under the weight of reality" which...i think discovering you're actually a fictional character in a webcomic would do that to you. so the gods "interfering" is them going against the story's narrative to give the characters a boost. (this might tie into who Bugs is talking to when he/she addresses the camera - it's not technically us, it's the gods behind the wall.)
i have other thoughts but uh. this post is probably long enough.
#scoob and shag#analysis#i just finished rereading the webcomic and i'm obsessed with it again#there's so much going on and so much still untold#the metaness of it all is so much fun to read!#i love not knowing which characters will show up#and how their cartoons will be molded into new backstories#every single one always hits me like a truck#sage speaketh#i hope it updates again. i miss it#edited for your convenience#<- just cleaned up some wording + formatting
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Amy/Rory I Saw the TV Glow au:
Amy as Maddy/Tara, who ran away and never came home, who talks about things that can't be real (the TV show, the TARDIS, a world where they're strong, a world where they're something better).
Rory as Owen/Isabel, meek and yet loyal and yet terrified of his best friend and what she means. And what she says. And what she shows him.
Doctor Who, the TARDIS, the Doctor, all wrapped up into the role of the Pink Opaque, the TV show from their youth, and something Amy grasps onto and never let's go. Something Rory abandons for a normal life.
And yet.
#there is still time.#I saw the TV glow#rose rambles#dw au#I'm less attached to Rory as Owen/Isabel (and not totally sure what pronouns to use for Owen in general)#what pronouns do you use for a character who only STARTS to understand who they are at the very end? I don't even know what pronouns I'd use#for my OWN younger self y'know?#I'm not usually one for crossovers but Curtis brought this up and#but Amy as Maddy. Man.#rip Amy you would have had a good breakdown watching isttg#also does the Doctor exist in this universe? I'm not sure. Someone has to be Mr Melancholy#so I guess either he takes on the villainous role#or Mr Melancholy is Amy's mom or one of her psychiatrists?#lots to think about. few to think about this with. my house is filled with The Plague so we're all working at 50% capacity#I feel like this leans less into the transgender themes which is a shame bc My God is that movie. So so so much.#I am trans. As you could probably guess from my username. Movie hit me like a truck.#anyways I AM soft for T4T Amy/Rory though so they can also be trans here too 👍 what is isttg if everyone is cis#its just I am most compelled by Amy as Maddy/Tara and the parallels between those two characters#nd how they could be worked into somethig like this#so
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🫎
#this place drives me crazy....#i notice it esp bc when im outside and feel a tiny bit better#(unfortunately this city is a nightmare for a hypervigilant like me to live bc theres crazyyy much noise 24/7)#but my home has for the first 23yrs of my life been a noise wise calm place to wind down and be safe and relax#but a couple of years ago there was like a shift and everyone who moves in here are crazy#my neighbors are constantly stomping banging and thumping. constantly.......#people outside are always screaming and yelling and slamming doors and everything u can do#they let their kids run around and scream like demons and throw rocks on cats and piss on the walls#and they go around with metal pipes or sticks and hit everything#like.... im sorry if u wanna call me a childhater for saying thats fucked up then go ahead#that's not sane behavior and the parents dont raise their kids anymore#constant yelling.... anyway#we have a clan of ppl who do lots of illegal things which is above all NOISYYYYYY#they make shit in the apartment above me and then live in another and then large moving trucks come and pick it up#?????? if u wanna call me a stuck up karen for thinking thats not ok to do to your neighbors go ahead!!!!!! im a bitter bitch#i dont think it's ok to cause such disturbance to your neighbors they cant sleep or exist in peace but thats just me ig!!!!!#these ppl living here are batshit insane bc i've been here for 25 and it's never been like this#and i mean it's MY problem for being noise sensitive ofc#but i feel like my brain is CONSTANTLY always being overstimulated and i can barely function anymore#i like legit wanna kms just to escape all this noise#i dont get any quiet moment ever#not even in the middle of the night there is always some human making noise and causing a disturbance#a few years ago it could be dead quiet in the middle of the day#what has happened im losing my miiiiiiind i wanna dieeeeeeeee#what happens when i reach a point where my brain just overcooks and i explode?#what will i do? what will i do when i lose control sksksk that shit scares me i dont wanna see#i cant live like this but im stuck and i dont know how to get out#and my mom was in a smaller city the other day and she said it was a crazy amount of noise yhere to#what do i do? whrre do i go???? i might jusy have to go deaf or smth i cant do this
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I LOVE going everywhere by bike. Don't need to wait for a bus. Don't need to cram myself into a bus with (urgh) people. Or even worse, what feels like every single student in town. I still get home in about the same amount of time. I'm so so flexible including with places. Like yeah sure, let's go there! I don't care if the next bus station is far away. Doesn't matter to me.
Stayed out late with friends recently. Two of em had to get their family to come pick them up because that's too far to walk and it was too late for buses. A different friend lives like 30 minutes away but always walks and their way goes through a small park where literally no one is at with few lanterns so it's pitch black and I could literally just walk them home and then take the bike which is faster and has its own light and feels and probably is safer than walking those dark ass streets at night alone.
Like. I can just do all that. And yeah, sometimes when I'm not doing too well I feel like collapsing afterwards and yeah, maybe my fingers feel like falling off a lot at this time of year but that's like. SO worth it. I have no idea how people can live and NOT go everywhere by bike. Like if it's more than 20-30 minutes maybe but even with hills.... I fucking love my bike.
#a biscuit's rambles#also i just love going out with friends til late??#with the lockdown and shit that is such an entirely new experience and its great#also i like feeling useful i think. i like walking a friend home knowing ill definitely get home safe#idk#i also like my bike. a lot#been taking it literally every single day for years now and i have no regrets#EXCEPT FOR THOSE FUCKING PEDESTRIANS THAT HEAR MY BELL AND DO NOT FUCKING MOVE#AND THE OTHER BIKES THAT JUST DONT RING THEIR BELLS OR NOT EVEN HAVE ANY#LIKE THEN YOU GOTTA AT LEAST YELL AT PEOPLE TO MOVE OVER YOU NUMBNUT#A BIKE IS QUIET THEY DO NOT HEAR YOU THEY WILL NOT MOVE OVER MAGICALLY#AND IM STUCK BEHIND YOU#ALSO ITS JUST ASSHOLE BEHAVIOUR LIKE SOMEITMES WARNING SOMEONE SO THEY KEEP TO THE BLOODY SIDE IS GOOD!!!#and dont even get me STARTED ON SOME OF THE CARS#MUCH LESS THE STUPID ASS FUCKING INFRASTRUCTURE OF MY TOWN#ITS LIKE THEY WANT BIKES TO BE RUN OVER#fun fact i have been run over before#just fuckin collided with a car#nobody would listen to me try to pick apart the details of how it felt#which was probably my way of trying to cope with that experience lol#though nothing serious happened. bUT STILL#also oh god that one stupid fucking street with those stupid ass cars NOBODY NEEDS A CAR THERE JUST BAND HTEM ALREADY#AND THE. THE FUCKIGN ROADWORKS#I CAN NOT REACH MY SCHOOL WITHOUT ALMOST BEING EITHER HIT IN THE HEAD WITH A HUGE SHOVEL OR RUN OVER BY A TRUCK#AND IF THATS NOT THE CASE THEN THERES SO MANY FCKING PEOPLE THAT EVEN IF I YELL AT THEM LIKE MAD I CANT GET PAST WITHOUT RUNNING SOMEONE#THROUGH MYSELF#im very passionate about all things bike. but thinking abt it is a huge part of my life so im allowed to be
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my childhood best friend is active on instagram again she doesnt post but sometimes she likes my stories and i see her in the comments of posts and its actually ruining my life because i want to talk to her again i want to be friends but its been so long i have no idea how to explain. where i went. i guess
#text#the last time we talked regularly was like. … february 2020#and i miss her i know shes in canada i know shes still in school but thats really all inknow#and like even of i reached oht what would i say abt my life yknow. like.#yeah its going good except ive been getting reallyyyy into transfetring colleges bc i keep getting sexually assaulted. also i am sosmehow#actually doing Worse thsn when we last spoke j think. which is an achievement.#and its like wkuld she even want fo talk to me After how long its been#but i miss her i feel like getting hit by a truck#neg
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—Elizabeth Wein, The Winter Prince
#lion hunters#the winter prince#quotes#this book hit me like a TRUCK#wow#the reviews that are like 'these characters actions make no sense!'#one is a spoiled brat and the other was abused by his mother and traumatized for life#i think they should be allowed to be a bit erratic lol#also the reviews saying medraut was attracted to his siblings ?? i don't think he was?#i think what he did was because he was trying to scare them#or to be as awful as everyone believed him to be; which meant turning into his mother#who is the scariest and most awful person he knows; and he believed he was her creature#i mean he might have been attracted to lleu idk that dynamic was very complex and messy#but even if he was that's definitely a response to his own trauma so to me it's still a feature not a bug?#either way this was a difficult and uncomfortable read so if people don't vibe with it i get it#but god. i did
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flat nosed buses my absolute beloved
#afternoon#objectum#fun fact last time I was in the city I saw a broken down bus on one of those big trucks that. you know. drive broken down vehicles to fix#and I got so sad and said out loud “awh poor thing get well soon” and my brother looked at me like I just told him I was gonna eat our dog#and then like two minutes later I saw another bus and whispered “cutie” and winked at it#and then I saw ANOTHER bus but it was the bus for a hockey team and I think they were on the bus so I couldn't openly flirt with it#lest the hockey players think I'm hitting on them#which would be way too on the nose for other reasons about other things#on the nose? like flat nosed buses? the thing this post was originally about? I love them that's the point but I'm off topic now
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I need to get more Normal
#Very opposite my usual ''get weird'' motto#Im STILL gay spiraling & after sleeping for 7 hours woke up from a gayass dream & I'm not feeling normal about it#Ive essentially spent the last 24-hours thinking about T (the person im dating not testosterone)#I need to get more normal because I hate that I was so sheltered from any kind of romantic life that now my feelings go from 1 to like 50#which then means feelings & anxiety hits me like a truck & I'm left a jumbled mess without knowing how to regulate those emotions#which means I fall super hard because the affection is nice and I don't like change so when the time comes to go our separate ways#I crash back down to earth and struggle to handle things in a healthy way and it fucks me up#which is why it's taken me on average 2 years to get over the people I've fallen for in the past each time it happens#theres no way thats normal and healthy so whereas im usually all for getting weird this time i need to get normal#I hate being like this so I need to figure out healthier coping mechanisms and better emotional regulation like asap#cause last week I felt like I was gonna frow up with anxiety after being kissed and was scared and wanted to back out#and now im listening to Chappell Roan on repeat and trying very hard not to imagine kissing them a lot#AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA FUCK MY HELL BRAIN#the whole reason I started listening to Chappell was to imagine my OCs not myself wtf 😭😭😭#OK rant over Time To Be Normal#personal#emma rambles#dating tag
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Vinny's 2023 fics!!
I'm so proud of all the writing I did in 2023!! I learned so much that I'm so excited to apply to my projects for 2024 <3
Not Whole, Not Holy Rating: Explicit Word count: 2,752
Moody, quiet, and introspective, this piece explores endverse!Cas and endverse!Dean finding a little bit of solace in each other among their crumbling world. Best described by the tag: Not hurt/comfort, not hurt/no comfort, but some secret third thing.
A Midsummer Night's Dean Rating: Teen+ Word count: 16,948
A wild ride of a casefic loosely based on Shakespeare's A Midsummer Night's Dream. Featuring love potions, Dean having chronic foot-in-mouth-disease, Cas being SO down bad it's dangerous, and Sam wanting to be literally anywhere else but here. I've been told this fic has made people laugh so hard, it has awoken children and brought concerned family members a'knocking on doors.
Innervate A series currently containing two fics, with a few more additions planned! This series follows Cas' developing relationship to his body and how he navigates through the world with it. It's full of fun science and anatomy, alternate angel lore, and LOTS of UST between Dean and Cas (don't worry, it will get resolved... eventually lol. This is a series-long slow burn)
Check out Prelude as a sampler for vibes (full disclosure-- this was a WIP for a LOOOOOONG time so while this fic was uploaded in 2023 the writing is far older than that)
Then for a more cohesive story (and tbqh way stronger writing), pop on over to Ask Me Why My Heart's Inside My Throat
Spellbound Rating: Explicit Word count: 4,764
A one-shot exploring the Master/Apprentice relationship of Sam and Rowena. Let's be real here. They have insane magic sex and I feel like not enough ppl talk about it. EYE barely even scratched the surface with this one. The quickest summary I got for this one: Sam's cardinal virtue is that when a hot woman speaks, he listens.
Long Black Cloud Coming Down Rating: Gen Word Count: 3,540
Taking place prior to s1, teen!Dean has to act quick and think fast when Sammy suddenly comes down with a fever. He can't let his thoughts race too far though, or he just might start believing that whatever's going on is more than just a fever and a snow storm.
#vinny types#vinny writes#spn fic#hilarious to me how i'm p sure the only fic i actually wrote AND published in 2023 is Black Cloud. actually AMND too#everything else had been a WIP for FIVEVER#tbf tho i put a lot of stuff on pause to work on Cell Service#and it was a goal of mine to get more of my WIPs complete before working on other big projects#which i did! save for AMND tho lmao#the idea for AMND hit me like a TRUCK and i just had to roll with it#i love it so much tho. i know we're not supposed to have favorites buuuuuuuuuut if you were going to read any one from this list#actually i'd say go read Black Cloud bc the writing is strongest#but if you want to have a silly goofy time go read AMND#but tbh im also really proud of getting Heart uploaded bc that one ooooooooh that one was a toughie#so. many. rewrites#i'll probably work on the next part of innervate when i'm stuck on Ganked#Spellbound and Black Cloud were both 'im motivated to write but having writers block on Ganked' uploads lol#im uh. HOPING to get Ganked uploaded within the year#but who knows. I want to be thorough with this one so it's taking me a while
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you know, most of what i've reblogged on here lately re: current events has been about antisemitism when in my personal life i've had at least as much emotional energy taken up by exhaustion and anger at zionist rhetoric (depending on the day, significantly more)
but i don't feel comfortable talking about those feelings outside of antizionist jewish spaces or a very select group of people because i don't want a post to break containment and i do not trust just about anyone right now and don't have the energy for the bullshit i might end up having to dodge from all sides (especially fear of my words possibly being used out-of-context to justify an antisemitic worldview)
so. anyway. know that i am grieving and i am angry and i am exhausted and i don't post about it anywhere near as much as i talk about irl.
#to be clear the antisemitism has ABSOLUTELY taken up a lot of emotional energy#and i mean the things i reblog and truly deeply want goyim to stop saying shit that makes me tired#i've just sadly gotten more used to it since october when it hit me like a fucking truck#(also unfollowed some people which helped)#the rest of my emotions will primarily remain with my small jewish discord server and my rabbi#and like three other people (my partner and my best friend and another friend)#my posts#shit is bad#what israel is doing is deeply horrifying#hopefully y'all at least know that's where i stand
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Ugh. I’m struggling to make any real progress on my various WIPs and I’m pretty pissed off about it. So, I’m gonna do The Thing again. Send me a word and if it pops up in any of the monstrosities I’m currently trying to get off the ground, I’ll post a snippet here and maybe that’ll help me get the creative juices flowing again?? *shrugs*
#What is wrong with you Sam you should not be allowed to write#If you want a hint of any kind here's some vague details about some of the stuff I've been trying (and failing...) to write lately -#The first is a very silly goofball of a fic in which Hookhausen go to the friggin' beach motherfuckers#And then Jack and Anna show up to spoil their day like the villains in a 90s teen movie#And in a complete 180 from that the other is an EXTREMELY dark messed up dead dove fic based on that wonderful art of Hook tied to a chair#The Duality of Man/Sam#But I have a bajillion WIPs so who knows what words will pop up where#Hell I still have almost 5k worth of a Daniel/Julia fic despite the fact that literally no one ships those two but me#And if that's not audience-alienating enough it's about pe -#*gets hit by a truck*#These tags are out of control SAM STEP AWAY FROM THE KEYBOARD
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