#but now I just feel on autopilot rn

[ghwosty]

I can tell we're reaching winter solstice and therefore the peek of how short the sun is up

bc that seasonal really can depression

[theladygazingatemptiness]

hm. I sure have been playing some Very rash and potentially dangerous games as of late ha ha

[ssahotchnerr]

https://www.tiktok.com/t/ZPRT74Paw/ i feel like this is so aaron bf core i would love a drabble or fic about this <33 in desperate need of aaron fluff comfort rn

tranquility

i think we all need some aaron comfort right now 😣 cw; gn!reader, established relationship, fluff <3 the tik tok context is that one busy audio but then it turns to a peaceful quiet (y'all know the one)

you flinched slightly as the door shut behind you, the sharp sound disrupting your clouded brain.

you couldn't stop thinking; your mind wouldn't stop racing. all day, you were unable to shake the uneasy, frantic mindset. nothing was particularly wrong, but it was just one of those days where you couldn't tone it down, or shut it off, despite how hard you tried. attempt after attempt was made in terms of a distraction, none of which were successful.

it wasn't shocking, you knew there was only one solution; only one way to ease your thoughts and feel like you again.

aaron.

he had been working late recently, but at the reason being so, he planned accordingly to be home at an early, reasonable hour. even if that meant completing his caseload and paperwork for the day at home.

luckily the intention was made for today - he was already in his home office upon your arrival. you walked in silently, a deep contrast from the hurriedness of your brain.

"hey." aaron's head perked up, a smile on his face as he saw you approaching. he was still in his suit - apart from the tie and suit jacket, sleeves rolled up and the top few buttons undone - but a slight frown soon developed instead: not only observant of your state, but also due to the absence of your usual grin whenever you laid eyes on him.

you were on autopilot, determined on one thing and one thing only; as you neared, he rolled back his desk chair, allowing both the room and the invitation for you to come close.

you didn't hesitate, straddling his thighs and settling yourself onto his lap.

the armrest of the chair dug into your leg, and the overall obstacle of the chair made your position somewhat uncomfortable. but you pushed that aside; your chest to his, your face pressed into and nosing against his neck, your arms wrapping around his middle as much as they could with his back to his seat.

and the change was immediate. the second your body made contact with his, did it instantly relax. your breathing wasn't as stressed, the constant tension in the middle of your torso dissolved, but most importantly, those loud thoughts circling in your head eased, as if they hadn't existed in the first place. you entered an almost meditative state, finding peace and solitude at long last.

even aaron could sense the change, feeling your body mold against his own; one of his hands sprawled across your lower back while the other began to trace random designs, holding you as close as he possibly could.

"you okay?" he mumbled gently after a few minutes. his lips were at your ear, allowing you to focus on nothing but his soothing voice.

you exhaled deeply, aaron pressing a kiss to your shoulder.

"i am now."

[hugmekenobi]

I Do

A Bad Batch Post S3 Oneshot

Gif by @barissoffee

Hunter x femaleJedi!reader

Summary: Your wedding day finally arrives

Playlist for inspo:

Warnings: Limited (Y/N), swearing, reader nickname of 'Spark' and 'sweetheart' is used, wedding traditions mentioned and applied, my interpretation of the Force, my limited wedding ceremony knowledge, references to past torture and death, vague references to alcohol/hangovers, limited wedding dress description, LOTS of fluff and feelings, I make up a mission plan, kissing, for the sake of the plot they can leave Pabu safely, SMUT (dirty talk and innuendo, marking, reader wears lingerie, light body worship with mentions of scars, use of a toy, teasing, brief edging, light marriage kink if that's a thing?, switch reader and Hunter, unprotected P in V but let's be safe irl please!) mildly bittersweet ending

<Previous Oneshot (not totally necessary to read but helpful for build up)

Masterlist for S1, S2 and S3

Word Count: 13.4K

Rating: 18+

Author's note: Well, the state of the world is concerning and pretty depressing rn but in a bizarre way, it acted as that final motivator to finally finish because I wanted to focus on something that brings me joy. So, with that, I hope everyone is doing okay and that this was worth the wait!

“How did it go?” Hunter asked as he entered your living room just as you finished your call with Jax.

“Aren’t you supposed to be with your brothers right now?” You asked instead.

“I convinced them to come get me later. How did it go?” He asked again, unwilling to let you change the subject so easily. 

You heaved a sigh and shrugged as you slouched against the couch and fidgeted with your ring. “Fine? I think? I don’t know, I feel like I’m just making this up as I go. I guided him through the ways meditation can help him if he starts to lose focus, or things feel out of control, but I have no idea if that’ll be helpful.”

“It sounds like good advice.” Hunter replied whilst he put his stuff down. 

You grunted, “I don’t know that it’s fair for me to preach the benefits of meditation when all I’ve done with it has come up with a whole lot of nothing.”

“Still nothing from your master since Christophsis?” Hunter asked sympathetically as he sat down beside you. 

You nodded dejectedly. “There’s just nothing there. I know that it was a long time ago and we had Tantiss to deal with, so I wasn’t as on top of it as I used to be, but I thought Christophsis opened some sort of door.” You breathed heavily and leaned against his shoulder. “I don’t know what I’m doing wrong.” 

“You’re awfully down for someone getting married in two days.” 

You snapped your head up and stared at the ghost ahead of you but also tugged on Hunter’s sleeve. “You’re seeing this too, right?” You double checked as you saw the face of your master staring at you with a smile on his face.

Hunter found himself going back into autopilot and his days as a soldier because he immediately stood to attention as he clocked the pale blue figure.

“At ease, Sergeant. No need for such formalities and with the war being over and me being dead, it’s not like I could write you up.” Your master said to the clone at your side. 

“I- um- right.” Hunter stammered because now he had no idea how he was supposed to act or behave when speaking to someone from the dead. Never mind the fact that this was your old Jedi Master. He relaxed his posture, but only slightly because he still had no clue what to make of this entire situation. 

“Hello, Spark.”

“That’s all you have to say?” You questioned the ghostly blue figure with a frown. 

“I believe that to still be the appropriate greeting.” 

“I don’t understand this. You can really show up that easily?”

“When the need arises, yes.”

You let out a laugh that was void of positive emotion. 

“I’m sensing some rising anger, Spark.”

“No shit!” You shouted in irritation. 

“Spark…” Your master said with a tired sigh. 

“I’ve been meditating for months, and you’ve been a no show all this time! I was taken prisoner and tortured and you weren’t any help!”  

“An awful feat to endure but you haven’t needed me. You relied on your training and sense of self; you didn’t need me there to bring you back.”

“I almost didn’t! I nearly gave up on Tantiss!”

“Dwelling on the almost helps no one, you did not and that’s the outcome that matters. If you had needed me, I would’ve provided my assistance but there’s never been an opportunity or requirement for that in the recent times.”

He sounded so unapologetically himself and like the master you’d studied under that you couldn’t help but let the initial anger you’d been feeling over this leave your body. “Hey, there was a perfect opportunity for you to show up a month ago! Technically, I died! A few times I might add!” You pointed out. 

“You sound a little too delighted by that.” Hunter grumbled.

“You were nowhere to be found!” You continued to be disgruntled. 

“Please, I know you’re far too stubborn to die at the hands of a bounty hunter.” Your master said dismissively.  

You gave up with a sigh, “So, why are you here now?” You asked instead since you realised you were going to get nowhere disputing the past with him. 

Your master nodded to Hunter. “I wanted to formally meet the man who pulled you away from your Jedi teachings.” He said sternly. 

Hunter’s eyes widened in distress. “I didn’t- it wasn’t- sir, I didn’t mean to-” He stuttered in a panic. 

“Surely you understand how encouraging such serious attachment from someone in her position is dangerous?”

Hunter couldn’t calm his ever-increasing alarm. A Force ghost appearing suddenly felt so small compared to what he was having to argue with said ghost about. “Sir, I’d never risk- I don’t- when we happened I-” He was scrambling to find anything that would reassure the man, but he was failing miserably. 

You shook your head in disapproval at your master who now had a rather pleased smile on his face, “Would you stop torturing him? Talking to Force ghosts is already hard enough for someone not used to it.” You gently pulled on Hunter’s hand, “My love, sit down.”

Hunter dazedly sat down beside you.

“And remember to breathe.” You prompted him quietly as you patted his knee before you glared at your master, “Are you done?”

Your master chuckled, “I couldn’t help myself, but yes, I am. Although I did want to meet you, Sergeant. I wanted to know more about you if you’re amenable to that?” 

“Y-yes, sir.” Hunter collected himself as he straightened his shoulders and awaited the questions. 

“You led a small squad during the war did you not? You and your brothers were made to be different from the other clones and battalions that existed during that time?” 

“That’s correct, sir.” 

“But you made a habit of deviating from standard protocols and orders? You never considered that to be a reckless course of action to take?”

Hunter sensed you getting ready to defend him, but he placed his hand on yours to signal that he was fine. “Yes, sir, but with respect, that’s why we were as successful as we were. Our unique skill sets made it that going against the usual procedures was better for us and the war effort.”

Your master nodded appreciatively over the honesty in the clone’s voice. “And you understand the added responsibility you’re taking on with having a Jedi in your life and as your partner? You are aware of the risks that will remain in place for you and your squad even with this home you’ve created?”

“I understand it, sir, but it never felt like extra responsibility to me. I look after my people the best I can, I always have, and she was a part of our squad and family long before my feelings developed into what they are now. Making the choice to stand by her despite the dangers it comes with was simple.”

“I see. And what about-”

“Okay, what is this?” You interrupted, “You’re dead, and I stopped being your student years ago. You don’t get to approve or disapprove-”

“Ah, that’s where you’re wrong, Spark. The mere fact that you’ve been seeking that connection with the techniques I passed on shows that our relationship has not ended. And yes, I may have become one with the Force but that doesn’t mean I stopped being your teacher- dead or not, there’s always a lesson to be learnt. Something you should keep in mind since you’re on your way to becoming a teacher yourself.” 

You suddenly felt rather bashful as you heard the hint of pride in his voice, “I’m not really doing anything.”

“You’re doing far more than you realise and I’m not solely referring to those children you rescued. That young girl you’re raising is going to do great things.” Your master complimented you both.

“We know.” Hunter agreed. 

The soft change in Hunter’s voice and the fondness in which he said that and made your heart soar with affection. 

Your master smiled warmly as he saw the unfiltered emotion written across your face as you looked at the man by your side and he knew there was nothing dangerous or wrong about the feelings you had for him. He addressed Hunter once more, “I just have one last question…” 

Hunter braced himself. 

“Do you love her?”

Now that was something he could answer very easily. “Yes, I do.”

“Good.” Your master said with a nod of approval before he turned to face you again. “I wish you both a happy future and Spark, remember, you don’t need to see me to feel me with you.” Your master reminded you before he faded away.

“Spark?” Hunter asked with a curious look in your direction. 

“Do you want the embarrassing or the more emotional answer?” You replied lightly. 

But before Hunter could reply, Wrecker came barging through the door.

“Time’s up! Get moving!”

You caught the look of dread on Hunter’s face. “You’re going to have fun.” You said through a laugh as you both got to your feet. 

“Remind me why I can’t just stay here? Your plans for tonight sound relaxing.” Hunter pleaded jokingly. 

“Because we don’t want you here, Bandana.” Phee responded with mock seriousness, “This night is for us girls only. You’ve got your own thing.”

“Right, how could I forget.” He replied with a roll of his eyes. “I’ll be back tomorrow evening.” Hunter promised you, hoping he slipped it subtly enough into the goodbyes that it would go unnoticed. 

You’re not that lucky. You said with a grin as you noticed Omega’s look of horror.

“Nu uh! Wedding tradition number three states that it’s bad luck to see the bride the day of the wedding so you can’t stay the night tomorrow!” Omega insisted as she yanked on Hunter’s arm to take her place next to you instead whilst Phee and Lyra pushed past the rest of the men to join you in the living room. 

Tech tapped on his datapad. “Yes, the schedule for the next two nights and two days sees to it that proceedings begin with Phee, Omega and Lyra staying here whilst we go to Shep’s to pick him up before leaving on Phee’s ship to-”

“Celebrate tonight! Recover tomorrow! Celebrate again!” Wrecker bellowed merrily. “It’s really not that complicated, Tech.” 

“Yet you still got confused the first time we were planning this.” Crosshair pointed out wryly as he chewed on a toothpick. 

“Not my fault! Shep brought out a plate of dessert when Tech was figuring out the days, I was distracted!” Wrecker said defensively but with a smile on his face. 

“I still don’t understand why you planned it this close to the actual ceremony.” Echo pointed out. 

“With those two wanting to hurry things along, our timeline got rather rushed.” Tech replied. 

“Sorry for not wanting to give the next bounty hunter another chance to ruin things.” You joked.

“Or an Imperial invasion.” Omega added.

“Or the chance for (Y/N) to get herself killed.” Crosshair piled on but his tone was laced with familial teasing as he looked at you.

“Hey!” You protested indignantly. “The more recent ones have not been my fault.”

“Crosshair…” Hunter scolded as he moved his way around Omega and instinctively wrapped his arm around your waist. 

“Thought I was helping.” He said with a nonchalant shrug. 

“Your definition of ‘help’ should be re-examined.” Tech interjected as he adjusted his goggles.  

“Well, point made anyway.” Echo acknowledged with a slight grimace.

“Great, now that that’s settled, let’s go!” Wrecker demanded again as he reached for Hunter. 

Hunter gave you one last desperate look. “You’re really forcing me to do this?” He feigned needing to be rescued as his brother pulled him into the group. 

“I’m not doing anything, you’re the one that let Tech give Omega the list of readings about all the different wedding traditions that exist in the galaxy.” You pointed out with a smirk as you warmly rested your hands on the young girl’s shoulders whilst she stood in front of you. 

“Yes! This is tradition number seven!” Omega said excitedly as she pulled up the various files that she’d pulled on the subject and recited, “Bachelor parties and bachelorette parties are iconic pre-wedding celebrations that mark the end of singledom for soon-to-be-weds.” She waved the datapad in Hunter’s direction. “You can’t argue with that.”

“No, I suppose I can’t.” Hunter replied through a sigh, but he wasn’t referring to the information as he smiled at the young girl.

“It’s not like spending time apart will kill you.” Lyra added absentmindedly as she got to work on unpacking the supplies for your night here. 

The room went silent as you all turned to stare at her. 

“Okay, that was a bad choice of words,” Lyra acknowledged sheepishly, “But you know what I mean!”

You chuckled before you noticed the impatient way Wrecker was bouncing on his heels. “Okay, time to go.” You ushered them out but caught Hunter’s wrist just as he was leaving. You went to kiss him but before he could help close the gap, Crosshair pulled on his arm. “If I’m going to throw up tonight, it’s going to be during the party, not before.” He said in faux disgust.

“Alright, alright, I’m coming.” Hunter conceded as he shoved Crosshair away in a brotherly fashion. “See you in two days?” He asked you by way of farewell.

“See you in two days.” You confirmed with a mildly nervous but excited smile. You waved them off before you shut the door and accepted the drink from Lyra as your lovely night of rest and relaxation got underway.

--

The sound of your comm chirping woke you up from your peaceful slumber.

“Morning.”

“Good morning.” You teased as you heard the pained rasp in his voice. 

“No, it’s not.” Hunter grumbled.

“You sound like a ball of energy.” You quipped and the only reply you got was a disgruntled huff and it made you smile to yourself. “Sooo, how was your night?”

“I haven’t celebrated like that since our days as a fresh squad during the war. I don’t know how we did it.” Hunter responded with a weary sigh. 

“And here I thought you were trying to be sensible.” You taunted. 

“Somewhere between Tech insisting that he could make Crosshair a hand and trying to steal Echo’s to prove it whilst Wrecker kept trying to get the bartender to give us free drinks by challenging him to an arm wrestle and Shep lamenting over what’ll happen when Lyana gets married, I gave up.” Hunter through a groan.

You laughed, “Kinda wish I’d been there to see that. But how are your senses holding up? Your headache isn’t too painful, is it?” You asked with more genuine concern.

“I’m fine, this is nothing too overwhelming, I’ll be okay in a few hours.” Hunter reassured you. 

“Promise?”

“I promise. I knew what I was doing last night.” 

“Okay, good. And you had fun?” You double checked.

“Yes, I did.” Hunter admitted. 

“Omega will be delighted by that. I think she enjoyed this part of the wedding planning quite a bit.”

“Your night was good too then?”

“It was a nice time! We just chatted and ate good food- it was all very calm and fun. We all turned in at a reasonable hour. Oh, and Omega finally got permission from Lyra to see my dress, so she was very excited by that.”

“Sure, Omega’s allowed to see it.” Hunter grumbled with light-hearted seriousness. “Remind me why we let this tradition slide through?”

“Because the argument about an ex-Jedi marrying a genetically enhanced clone being about as untraditional as we could get was hard to dispute so we’re making up for it where we can and keeping the reveal until the day of falls into that category according to Omega.”

“Right,” Hunter griped, “I should’ve fought harder.”

“You have one more 24 hour wait.” You reminded him with a loving but exasperated sigh. 

“It’s not been as easy as it sounds. You’ve been overly secretive and non-informative about it for weeks now. Having the answer to my curiosity tucked away in our closet and being banned by every single person from seeing it has been a challenge; you do realise that?”

“Yes, because I live to torture you.” You said, playing into his dramatics.

“I can feel your eyes rolling.”

“Look, in all fairness, Lyra only finally decided she was finished with it a week ago. And of all the wedding traditions we’re doing, this is one I kinda like keeping. Besides, you’re getting your first dance tradition which is the one part of this whole thing I’m dreading.” You said lightly. 

“Hmm, that’s true. And I hear marriage is all about compromise.” Hunter said playfully.

“Exactly. This is just good practice.” You replied jokingly.

Hunter chuckled softly over the comm, “Well, I can hear the pained groans of the others so they’re waking up now, so I better go. I love you.”

“I love you too. Safe flight back.” You signed off and breathed deeply as you realised that after today, the day you’d been waiting for was almost here. 

--

Time passed by in a blur and before you knew it, you were waking up with the nervous butterflies in your stomach that signalled what was happening at sunset today. 

You had barely opened your eyes when your door burst open, and a bundle of blonde hair and excitement joined by a ball of fur were jumping on your bed and clambering in next to you.

“It’s wedding day! It’s finally time!”

“Are you sure?” You double checked teasingly as you pretended to pull your covers back and over your head.

“Yes!” Omega tugged on them and insistently shoved your shoulder. “You need to get up!” She whistled to Batcher and pointed to you. 

“I’m up, I’m up.” You said through a laugh as you avoided Batcher’s enthusiastic kisses and got vertical. “But you can relax, Omega, we have ages.” 

“Not according to my schedule.” Omega propped herself on her knees as she revealed her datapad and showed it to you. 

You scanned the list as you absentmindedly stroked Batcher’s side. “Okay that all looks good but what is that?” You indicated to the words with your name and ‘panic’ written side by side.

“My research said it is highly likely that a ‘freak out’ will occur once the time of the ceremony arrives, no matter how sure your feelings are. I’m just leaving it in as an option.” She said casually. 

“I’m not going to freak out,” You insisted, “I’m perfectly fine.”

“For now…”

“Omega!” You gasped in faux offence. 

“And, now you know there’s time if or when you need to.” She replied with coy indifference. 

“Seems like you’ve got this all figured out.” You observed with a smile.

“Tech and I coordinated so he’s keeping Hunter on track,” She told you proudly, “And don’t worry, his panic time is longer than yours.” 

“Great.” You replied dryly. 

She clapped her hands together, “Now, you can have fifteen minutes to yourself while I go get breakfast started.”

“Alright, you’re in charge, Omega.” You said fondly as she tossed her arms around you and squeezed you tight before hopping off the bed to signal it was time for the preparations to get underway. 

--

“You’re getting married today!” Lyra squealed in delight as soon as you opened the door.

“So, everyone keeps telling me.” You kidded as you stepped aside to let her and Phee in. 

“Right on time.” Omega stated with a satisfied nod as she came out of her room. 

“Between you and brown eyes, it would be impossible not to be.” Phee commented with a smile. 

“You all look great!” You said warmly as you took them all in and your heart swelled as you saw Omega in particular. She was growing up every day before your very eyes and it was both terrifying but beautiful. 

“Hush, we are not the focus here. Come on, let’s get you ready!” Lyra started shoving you towards your bedroom.

--

“Oh, this turned out better than I imagined!” Lyra said with a misty-eyed smile, “Phee, Omega, get in here!” She called out as she dabbed away the tears and re-opened your bedroom door. 

“You look amazing!” Omega cried joyously. 

“Okay, so can I look yet?” You asked nervously in response to Omega’s words and elated gasp and Phee’s wide smile. 

“Go ahead!” Lyra said excitedly. 

You took a deep breath and turned around to face the mirror in your room and you scarcely recognised the person staring back at you. You’d never been allowed to see this dress aside from getting a gauge of how it looked on you and even when it was done, you’d only seen how it had looked hanging up. 

This was the first time you’d been able to see it properly and it took your breath away. 

The silhouette complimented your body perfectly, the fabric was light enough for the Pabu climate but what really got to you was- as you angled yourself to see all side of it- the way the rays of late afternoon sunlight hit it and the tiny crystals scattered around the bodice and skirt glimmered a subtle red that matched a shade you were all too familiar with. “Lyra… it’s- I can’t believe- I don’t know what to say… it’s beautiful.” You said breathlessly. “Thank you, thank you so much!”

“I know.” She said, equally emotionally over seeing you in this. “Worth every hour of each day, the late nights and prick of a needle.” 

You laughed, “I’m glad.”

“Hunter won’t know what hit him when he sees you in this.” Lyra added as she couldn’t help herself and started adjusting bits and pieces of your ensemble. 

“Your dress is something new, the necklace from Lyra is your something borrowed. We’re missing your something old and something blue but that’s okay.” Omega said as she checked off the list.

“I wouldn’t be so sure about that, kid.” Phee said smugly as she went to her stuff and brought out a small, wrapped box and handed it to you.

“What is this?” You said in confusion as you took the package from her but the familiar thrumming in your veins that you sensed as you held it got your heart practically started beating out your chest. With shaky hands, you opened it and inhaled sharply, “Phee… how did you- where did you find this?”

“Liberator of ancient wonders, remember? The people I got it from had already scrapped the hilt so couldn’t get all of it but figured this was the important thing.” Phee said kindly. 

“What is it?” Lyra asked curiously as she took it from you and tied it around your wrist.

“Something from my Jedi days.” You breathed as your blue kyber crystal hung delicately from the leather band. The comfort and familiarity it brought calmed your ever-increasing nerves as you realised it was almost time to go. “Thank you, Phee.”

Phee dipped her head in acknowledgment. “Tech helped me track it down.”

You were overwhelmed by the kindness that had been shown to you and the occasion of it all, but for once, it wasn’t a bad feeling. It only cemented how certain your feelings were and how sure you were that you wanted to do this, but you were only human, and the butterflies refused to die down. 

“Still fine?” Omega asked quietly. 

“Still fine.” You confirmed with a smile as you exhaled deeply to settle your nerves.

“Knew you would be.” Omega said as she wrapped her arms around your waist. 

“Okay, come on. I have to do a few touch ups.” Lyra said. 

“Lyra…” You groaned in an exaggerated fashion. 

“Don’t question me.” She said firmly as she guided you back to your room.

--

“It’s time to go.” Omega announced.

“Okay, okay I’m done!” Lyra said with a satisfied nod as she finished off. 

You took a deep breath as you got to your feet, but you smiled when you saw a familiar person standing ahead of you.

You playfully wolf whistled as you saw the lean figure standing in your living room donned in an all-black suit and tie. As always, Lyra knew what she was doing. “Looking sharp, Crosshair.”

Crosshair’s eyes widened slightly as he saw you step out before he gathered himself and hummed, “Not bad.”

“Not bad?” Lyra repeated with exasperated disdain. “That’s all you have to say?”

“I’m not the one marrying her.” Crosshair said with a shrug. 

“I’ll take it.” You said with a fond shake of your head. 

“Where are my credits?” Omega enquired gleefully as she bounded over to the clone. 

“Credits?” You repeated. 

“There may have been a wager on whether or not you would need the time to panic about today.” Omega revealed awkwardly. 

“You bet on us?” You said through a huff of laughter. 

“Omega was the only one that thought neither of you would if that helps.” Crosshair grumbled as he handed her the amount that she was due.

The fact Hunter hadn’t panicked either went a long way to steadying your nerves. “I guess?” You rolled your eyes and let it go because you honestly should’ve expected something like that from them before you realised you didn’t actually know why Crosshair had shown up, “Why are you here, though? Shouldn’t you be with Hunter right now?”

“The kid said you needed someone to walk you down.” Crosshair said airily.  

You narrowed your eyes at him before you asked Omega in confusion, “Thought Hunter was going to have all his brothers with him so we decided that I could walk myself?”

“You did, I didn’t. With Wrecker as best man, Echo as the officiant and Tech as the ring holder and creator, we had a role for Crosshair that wasn’t just groomsman.”

“So, I’ve been forced into this.” Crosshair pretended to be put out. 

But Omega wasn’t going to let him off that easily. “You volunteered!” She reminded him. “And you offered long before Hunter had even decided who was doing what.”

Crosshair sighed and glared at the young girl, “Thought we agreed to keep that between us.”

“Whoops.” Omega replied with a mischievous grin. 

“Aww Crosshair…” You teased lovingly as you made your way over to him. 

“I’ll take it back. I swear, I’ll walk out of here and you can forget about it.” Crosshair warned but he met your embrace. 

Thank you. You said as you hugged him. 

“Well, you’re family, it’s just how it goes.” Crosshair replied quietly before he released you. “Now, let’s get out of here so you can put my brother’s and I out of our misery.” 

“Thought you said he hadn’t freaked out today?” You asked distractedly, missing the pluralisation as you fiddled with your skirt. 

“He hasn’t. We just had to watch him pine over you for months on end. Today will finally bring an end to it.” Crosshair stated as he offered you his arm. 

You clued in then, “Oh, so this is as much for you as it is for us?” You kidded as you looped your arm through his. 

“Definitely.” Crosshair answered with a smirk before the group of you left to finally get things underway. 

With your entourage and family by your side as you made your way down to the beach, you finally started to feel calm and ready for this next stage in your life. 

--

Hunter, on the other hand, couldn't have calmed down if he tried. Sure, he’d disappointed his brothers in that he’d kept it together the entire day but that didn’t mean the nerves weren’t there. 

He stood restlessly at the end of the aisle, the emotions of the occasion combining into a perfect storm of nerves and excitement as he waited for you. 

Finally, the crowds had quieted down, and the overall feeling of bated breath from everyone around him told him that he wouldn't have to wait for much longer.

--

“Just don’t let me trip, Crosshair.” You requested through an unsteady exhale as the time arrived for you to make your way down the wooden platform that had been made to keep you from stepping on the uneven sand.

“Wouldn’t that be funny though?” 

You shot him a look. 

“Not a chance.” Crosshair reassured you sincerely.

With his nod of encouragement, you started to walk. 

--

As he caught the change in expression on his brothers’ faces, Hunter finally turned around to see you and his breath caught in his throat. Every anticipatory worry and nerve swiftly disappeared, and it made him feel rather light-headed which, mixed with how enthralled by the sight of you he was, made for an inconvenient combination. If it weren’t for Wrecker’s subtle act of support to prop him back up, he was certain that he would’ve staggered backwards. 

And as he realised what you making your way to him finally meant, he felt tears threaten to blur his vision and while he didn’t mind the display of emotion, he’d be damned if they were going to take away a single second of the breathtaking image of you walking towards him. He hastily wiped his eyes and collected himself. 

It was then he caught the way the sun hit the scattered jewels on your dress, and he saw the colour that reflected off of them. He darted his gaze over to Lyra who only offered him a smug smile and friendly wink before looking back at you.

--

Sure, the sunset was gorgeous and added a stunning golden backdrop as the beams of light reflected off the turquoise ocean water but as far as you were concerned, the background view was secondary to the one you cared about and that was the man standing ahead of you who was wearing the same black suit as the rest of his brothers but wearing it in a way that made your skin warm and your heart skip a beat. 

Everyone else faded away, your only focus was on the man in front of you and you’d never felt more ready for this next stage.

--

It felt like forever before you finally reached the end of the platform and into the waiting arms of the man you’d been waiting for your whole life. 

Crosshair smiled at the two of you before he handed you off and took his place next to his brothers. 

You passed your bouquet to Omega who hadn’t stopped smiling since she’d seen you this morning. 

Hi. You said with a loving grin. Was it worth the secrecy?

Hunter could only nod dumbly before he searched for words to actually articulate himself. “You- you- look-” Hunter swallowed down the lump in his throat and tried again, “You look beautiful.” He murmured quietly as he stroked his thumb across the backs of your hands. 

So do you. You comfortingly squeezed his in return as you felt the slight tremble in his grip. 

Hunter released a steadying breath as he let your touch ground him. 

“You two ready?” Echo asked quietly.

You both nodded and waited as Echo got the ceremony underway. 

--

“And now it’s time for the vows. Hunter, are you okay to start?” Echo double checked. 

Hunter nodded and, despite the butterflies in his stomach, this was the one part of today that he’d always been ready for. He exhaled steadily and started, “I was made for war. That’s all I knew, and I thought that was going to be my purpose for the rest of my life. I didn’t know any better and I didn’t think there was anything more I should look for. Then you came along, and everything changed. I suddenly realised that life didn’t have to be about living from one battle to the next, there was room for much more than that and you were the one I’d been waiting to have that with. And as much as I tried to deny myself those feelings in the beginning, I quickly realised that there’d never been a more pointless exercise than that. I’ve been yours for a long time, and I wouldn’t have it any other way. You can ask any one of our brothers and they’ll tell you the same thing. The fact that I argued against them for so long was probably far more stressful or frustrating than any battle.” 

You glanced at Echo who dipped his head affirmatively before you looked past Hunter’s shoulder to see the grinning and nodding faces from the rest of his brothers. You brought your sights back to Hunter with a bright smile. 

Hunter returned your grin before he carried on, “We’ve been through and survived a lot, perhaps too much, but we always found a way through it. And, although I wished they never had to happen in the first place, they reminded me of how much time we lost refusing to allow ourselves the reality of what this was, and I never want to do that again. We can’t get back the wasted months, but from this point on, I promise not to waste another moment with you. No matter what, you will have me by your side, whatever you need, whatever forever means for us, you’ll have it. I love you. I always have and I always will.”

You’d kept it together up until now but after that, after seeing the emotions behind his eyes and hearing the love and sincerity in his voice, your own body started to shake with emotion. You didn’t know how you were going to find the composure to speak. 

Hunter picked up on that and he took a closer step towards you. He cupped your cheek and nodded reassuringly as he waited patiently for you to go. “It’s just us here,” He whispered, “Take your time.”

You breathed deeply as you settled yourself. And with Hunter’s encouraging gaze and touch as your anchor, you were ready. “Before I left the Jedi Order, I thought I knew what family was but even when I was there, surrounded by people like me, I always knew there was something missing, but I was always taught to not seek something more out, to not pursue or let those feelings take a hold of me. And even though I argued against it, I still lived my life that way. So, when I decided to leave, I thought being on my own was the answer, that if I would be saving myself a lot of hurt and I wouldn’t have the disappointment of failing to find what I was searching for. Then I met you-” You paused for a second, “And Hunter, you shifted my world. Gravity was no longer my centre; it was all you. There was a time where feeling that way terrified me. I thought it was wrong, that it was a way to a darker path, so I kept trying to distance myself from it, but it was impossible because, no matter how hard I searched for it, there was never any darkness when it came to how I felt about you. You’ve always been my light, even when I didn’t realise it, you brought me back to life and showed me a different way to exist. I knew you were the person I’d been waiting for. You talk about how obvious your feelings were to the people around you, trust me when I say that you weren’t alone. Your brothers didn’t let me off the hook when it came to you either and I don’t even mind admitting now that they were so obviously right.” You added light-heartedly which got a hum of laughter from both Hunter and everyone else. You carried on more seriously into your last part, “I love you, Hunter, I love your kindness, your compassion, your strength. With every fibre of my being, I love you. I can’t wait for the future we’re going to have together. I’m yours too, I always have been. Whatever this next part in our life sees, I promise that I won’t ever stop loving you. You have my heart, my support, and that won’t ever change.” You promised through a choked breath as your feelings threatened to overwhelm you. 

Hunter felt his heart tighten in his chest as your words hit him and now, he was finding himself looking forward to the next part getting wrapped up because every irritating second, he spent not married or closer to you was getting harder to patiently ignore.  

Echo found himself getting affected by the occasion and emotions of the two of you so he quickly cleared his throat and got onto the next part, “Hunter, do you take (Y/N) to be your wife for as long as you both shall live?”

“I do.” Hunter said and he’d never felt more certain in his words as he accepted one of the rings from Tech tenderly placed it on your finger.

Wrecker and Lyra both wiped tears away from their eyes. 

“And (Y/N), do you take Hunter to be your husband for as long as you both shall live?” Echo asked. 

“I do.” You said as well, and you’d never felt more at peace than you did after saying that phrase. You took the gold ring from Tech to place on Hunter’s finger and it was then you noticed a small 99 and your lightsaber hilt had been engraved on the band. You looked to Tech who simply offered a nod and a warm smile. 

Hunter impatiently looked at Echo as you let his hand go. 

“Go ahead.” Echo said with an affectionate eye roll. 

The two of you didn’t hesitate. Hunter cradled your jaw and kissed you within an instant and you needed no prompting to press yourself against him. You flung your arms around his neck as the two of you shared in a short but passionate embrace while the whoops and cheers of the crowd sounded around you and somewhere in between Echo officially announced the two of you. 

When you pulled apart, you were instantly embraced by your family and the seven of you shared in the moment before you and Hunter led the way back down the aisle and to Upper Pabu. 

--

The walk up to the colonnade was one that felt remarkably serene and calming since the citizens of Pabu had laid petals from the Maya tree on the ground in preparation for your ascent. 

“Any regrets?” Hunter whispered into your hair as he kept you tight to his side as the two of you walked. 

Not a single one. You said emphatically as the two of you reached the top and shared in one more kiss before the band started playing and the celebrations could officially begin. 

--

The after party was well under way and you and Hunter were doing your part to speak to and thank as many people as you could. 

“Congratulations you two!”

“Thank you, Shep.” You replied warmly as you hugged him tightly, “For everything you’ve done for us, it means a lot!” You pulled back so he could move on to Hunter. 

“Couldn’t have had this without you.” Hunter agreed as he went to shake the jolly man’s hand but was instead pulled into a bone crushing embrace. 

“Just wait, soon it’ll be Lyana’s turn.” You teased as he released Hunter, “I heard that future thought came up quite a bit a couple days ago.”

“Maybe but don’t forget your situation too… what about when it’s Omega’s?” Shep retorted fondly. 

Oh. Right. You and Hunter shared a terrified look. That was a quick way to turn the tables on your playful banter and it left you both scrambling for anything to say in response. 

“Uh huh. Think about that one.” Shep kidded smugly as he rested a strong, supportive hand on both your shoulders before he walked away.

You and Hunter both searched the dancing crowds and found Omega dancing happily with Wrecker, Lyana, Mox, Deke and Stak, and you knew Shep’s words were going to stick with you for some time. “

“We still have years and years, right?” You asked Hunter fretfully. 

“Yeah… and longer if I have anything to do with it.”

He said the words seriously, but you knew him well enough to understand that neither of you would get in the way of her future happiness, however you could still view that time with a certain degree of apprehension. You glanced at him with a warm smile. I love you for that. 

Hunter returned your smile before thankfully; a new voice broke you both out of your thoughts. 

“I’m sorry but we gotta head out. Congratulations to you both.” Rex said sincerely as he and Gregor approached you. 

You let Hunter bid Rex farewell first and you said goodbye to Gregor. 

“Well, beautiful, you’re leaving me broken-hearted.” Gregor said unhappily but there was a kind smile on his face.

“I’m sure you’ll recover just fine, Gregor.” You said with a fond smile as you hugged him before you hugged Rex, “Thank you both so much for making it out here!”

“I only wish we could stay longer.” Rex said apologetically.

“We understand.” Hunter reassured him with you nodding in agreement. 

“And you’re definitely okay with Echo joining you two later?” You double checked.

It was Rex’s turn to nod. “He’ll meet us at the rendezvous tomorrow. We’ll be fine.”

Gregor tossed Hunter a mischievous grin before he said conspiratorially to you, “Sure I can’t convince you to come along, beautiful? We can get this thing annulled in-”

“Would you stop that?” Hunter griped as he tucked you into his side even though he knew the likelihood of you actually leaving in any way was non-existent but even the thought illogically grated on his nerves. “I have never once found this in any way amusing.”

“Yeah, but you react every time. Can’t help myself.” Gregor said with a laugh. 

You leaned your head on Hunter’s shoulder and placed your left hand on his chest, your rings proudly on display. “Sorry Gregor, I’m very happy with my decision.”

Gregor shrugged. “Can’t blame a guy for trying.”

“Pretty sure what you’re doing actually qualifies as harassment.” Hunter grumbled under his breath, but he was smiling at his brother. 

You chuckled softly as you shook your head affectionately at your husband. You’re always my choice.

“We’ll get out of your hair.” Rex said as he saw the way Hunter’s face softened as he glanced down at you. He tugged on Gregor’s arm, “Good luck you two.”

“Same to you, Rex.” You said genuinely.

“Stay safe out there.” Hunter added before they walked away. 

--

So far, everything about this celebration had been easy and fun and you’d been enjoying sitting at your table and talking to your family but that was all ruined as the time you dreaded finally arrived. 

“What did we decide about Plan 42?” You muttered hastily to Omega who only shook her head at you and left it to Tech to answer. 

“Since this is not in fact a hostage situation, the parameters of the plan do not apply here.” Tech stated matter-of-factly. 

“Go on, I’m sure you won’t be that bad!” Wrecker encouraged enthusiastically. 

“You’ve survived much worse.” Echo pointed out. 

“And I need the entertainment of watching this anyway.” Crosshair added. 

“I hate all of you right now.” You groaned.

“You’ve managed before.” Hunter said with an affectionate roll of his eyes as he took a hold of your hand. 

“We barely moved, and something tells me that’s less of an option here.” You countered as you reluctantly let him tug you to your feet. 

“You, my gorgeous and amazing wife, are incredibly capable and have lived through several attempts on your life. You will get through this.” Hunter said with great seriousness in his voice though his eyes twinkled with humour. 

The use of that particular word sent a pleasurable shiver down your spine. “See, I can’t argue when you say things like that.” You mumbled as you walked beside him. 

“Why do you think I say them?” He quipped lightly in return as he squeezed your hand. 

Ah so there was always an ulterior motive. Here I was thinking it was just cause you love me. You replied with a playful frown but with every step towards the centre of the colonnade, your heartbeat grew more and more frantic. 

“Well, there’s that too.” Hunter responded good-naturedly but when you reached the centre, he noticed you already staring at the ground and twisting the rings on your finger in an anxious panic. He delicately placed his fingers under your chin and tilted your head up “Hey, remember what I said earlier today. It’s just you and I here, no one else. I’ve got you, okay?”

The sweet melody of the music started to play, and you saw the trust and love in his warm, brown eyes and they grounded you. You took a deep breath and nodded as you grabbed a hold on his hand and rested the other hand on his shoulder and started to move. 

--

The fact that Hunter knew what he was doing, and you knew you could count on him to not make you look like a fool made it much easier for you to relax into this and you were doing much better than the last time you were in this position, and you could feel yourself enjoying it now. 

Hunter spun you around, much to the delight of the crowd, and as he brought you back in, dipped you backwards. “Told you, you’re doing just fine.” He uttered tenderly as he pulled you upright and placed a quick kiss to your lips. 

“Well, I have a pretty good partner.” You said softly as you let yourself follow his lead and dance smoothly around the space. 

Hunter grinned at you before he twirled you away from him but instead of pulling you back against him, this time he let your hand go and backed away. 

“What-” But before you could finish your sentence, a pair of hands caught you. You glanced up to see the beaming face of Wrecker looking down at you. Wrecker, what are you-

“You didn’t think Hunter was the only one that wanted this tradition to stay in, did you?”

“I don’t understand?” You queried as the two of you took a turn about the floor. 

But Wrecker ignored your question and enacted phase two of what this part of the tradition was really for. He kept you slowly spinning around the floor before he started his piece, “I’ve been there for both the good and the bad of what the two of you had to experience. And, especially after Ord Mantell, it was hard, it was really hard to watch him go through that. But you need to know that it wasn’t just him… I missed you too. I’m really glad you decided to take Hunter up on his offer on Devaron. No matter what this marriage with Hunter has in store for you, you ain’t getting rid of us any time soon.” Wrecker finished off; his voice gruff with emotion before he whirled you around and released his grip. 

Wrecker, I- But you barely had any time to process what was going on before you Echo was the one now holding you. 

“Instead of a speech, we all decided to do this instead.” Echo explained as he had his turn with you. 

Oh. Was all you could manage to say. You didn’t trust yourself to speak out loud for the moment. 

“I hadn’t been around this squad for a long time before we met you, but I like to think I knew them all pretty well and seeing how Hunter was around you and vice versa, I just knew you two had something. It was tough to watch you both refuse it for so long and when you finally acknowledged it, I truly didn’t think it would get much better for you two, but it did and I’m so happy for you. But you need to also know that it wasn’t just him, you got something out of all of us. You filled a gap I don’t think he or any of us really realised we needed filled until you stepped aboard that ship.” Echo removed himself and jutted his chin in the direction behind you. 

You turned into the waiting arms of the next one who turned out to be Tech. All of you are really doing this?

“It was unanimously agreed.” Tech responded with a small grin before he said his piece, “Your feelings for Hunter and his for you were obvious from the start, that’s not what I’m here to convey tonight but I do have something to say that I feel is crucial for you to understand. Now, unfortunately I don’t have the exact data to hand, but I have observed this for quite some time,” Tech raised his arm, so you had to duck and spin under it before he brought his hand back to your waist, “You have a pattern of using the word ‘your’ when referring to us as Hunter’s brothers. I don’t think we have said it enough but, despite the official nature of today that cements this fact, you were a part of our family long before this day. We’re your brothers too.” Tech said with affectionate sincerity before he let you go into the waiting hand of the next one in line.

You kept one hand intertwined with his whilst the other rested on his forearm. “So, even you agreed to this huh?” You asked Crosshair with an amused smile but much to your surprise, this time he didn’t play into the joke, he just regarded you with genuine- almost tender- seriousness. 

Crosshair exhaled a short breath before he started, “We weren’t really accepted by the regs and although we owned that, it wasn’t always easy, especially in the beginning. But then you came along, and you took us for what we were. I kept expecting you to realise the extent of the craziness that you’d signed up for and leave but you never did. You just fit. Hunter’s idea to ask you to join us was probably one of his best ones. And it wasn’t only that, you and Hunter worked on a level I’d never seen before. But you’re not just his perfect match you know, you were meant to be a Bad Batcher.” Crosshair said quietly with a smile before he let you go and walked away. 

The final person was considerably shorter than the rest of them so instead of dancing, you crouched down to be eye-level with the young girl. 

“When I was on Kamino, I didn’t hear much of anything about the war or the rest of the galaxy, but I always knew about this squad. And when I heard about you, I knew I had to finally find a way to meet you all again. I may have been new to the group, but I watched you. I watched you with Hunter and it was clear how much you loved each other. But it was also clear how much love you and the rest of the squad have for one another. I wasn’t just joining a squad; I was joining a family filled with people I admire. You have a bit of all of them in you and if I grow up to be anything like the person you are, I know I’ll be living my life right.” Omega said meaningfully, her voice choking up slightly as she finished. 

You hugged her tightly. “Thank you, Omega.” You whispered, your voice clogged with emotion. 

Omega let you go and smiled at you before she retreated backwards into the group of them, and she felt Tech’s hands on her shoulders. 

You straightened up and stared at the group of six people that formed your beautiful, wonderful family and you didn’t know what you’d done to deserve them or this happy ending. “Okay, this isn’t fair,” You said through a weepy-eyed smile, “I was doing a really good job of keeping it together until now.” You dabbed away the happy tears that had fallen down your cheeks. 

Hunter stepped towards you and kissed your brow before he pressed his forehead against yours. “Marrying you has been the best decision I’ve ever made and it’s an adventure I have been ready to take with you for a while, no matter how bumpy it could get, and I never want you to think otherwise. But I know you, and I know the doubt and anxiety can creep in regardless. If through the years, you ever need reassurance on how much I love you or how important you are to this family, there are plenty of people who would be willing to remind you.”

A sob mixed with a noise of elation sounded from your lips and you tugged on his tie to bring him closer as you kissed him deeply, tangling your fingers in his hair. 

Hunter reacted instantly. He placed his hands on your hips and pressed you tight against him but even as the party raged on around you, at this moment, it was just the two of you now and everything had never felt so right. 

--

The celebrations had finally drawn to a close and you were making your way home, happy laughs and chatter filling the silent night of Pabu as you walked back with your family. 

You and Hunter reached your home first and paused outside your door to say your goodbyes to everyone first. 

As the group of you split off, you remembered the final thing you had to say today. 

“Lyra?” You called after her.

Lyra turned around expectantly.

“Thank you. For everything you’ve done for me. I never thought meeting you on Ord Mantell would lead to having a friend like you but I’m very grateful it did. Thank you for being a part of my life.”

Lyra smiled and hugged you tightly. “I’m very glad to be in it. Oh, and don’t forget, I know that you’re finally using the gifts I got you, so I want the details when you're back.” She whispered to you, a mischievous tone in her voice.  

You’d forgotten you’d told her about that idea, and you had to be sure to conceal your reaction and merely nodded and returned her necklace before she winked and walked away from you.

--

“Hey, can you do something for me?” You asked as the group faded into the distance. 

Hunter glanced at you with a questioning look on his face.

The future isn’t always certain, I know that, but please don’t fall out of love with me. 

Hunter huffed out an affectionate laugh and tugged you to his chest as he uttered into your hair, “There’s no chance of that. I will fall in love with you over and over again.”

“Promise?”

“I promise. I don’t care how, where or when.”

“No matter how long it’s been?” You questioned teasingly as you slowly kissed up the column of his throat.

“Mmhmm.” He murmured as he got lost in the sensation of your lips on his skin before he took a small step back and cupped your cheek as he looked into your eyes. 

The slight coolness and weight of the gold band against the skin of your cheek made your breath hitch and the small act was enough to ignite the simmering tension that had been building between you since the ceremony. 

“You’re mine.” You both said in unison before you met each other in a passionate embrace and Hunter all but kicked the door to your home down before backing you inside.

--

Muscle memory guided the way to your bedroom and despite the eager and frantic noises that sounded from you both as you kissed each other, when it came to turning you around and undoing the buttons on the back of your dress, Hunter was careful- almost delicate- in his touch. As your skin was revealed to him, he managed to plant a few adoring kisses to the fading scars on your back before you turned around and placed a hand on his chest to halt him from going any further. 

“Wait a moment.” You requested breathlessly but you saw the flash of confusion in his eyes. “I won’t be long. There’s just something I need to do first.” You assured him. 

Shoulders heaving, Hunter dipped his head in acknowledgement of your wish and dazedly retreated out of the room.

--

You shut the door and took a breath for courage as you took your dress off and hung it up in your closet before you studied your reflection as you were left standing in the final white lingerie set that Lyra had gifted you. If Hunter’s reactions to the red and black ones were any indication, you knew this would go down just as well- it was the second part of your plan that had you wondering about how long his patience would last and you couldn’t wait to put it to the test. 

Feeling good, you donned your robe and, leaving it untied, you reached into your nightstand and removed the small black velvet bag that, along with other items that could be used at a different time, had the particular one you were searching for. 

Feeling ready, you reopened the door.

--

Hunter only got as far as taking off his shoes and undoing his tie before the door reopened and he stopped everything he was doing and just stared at you. 

It wasn’t just the striking image of you in the white lingerie that had him rooted to the spot, he’d also clocked the object you were holding in your hand. His breath hitched. “Sweetheart…” His tone was cautionary because already his self-control was evaporating and his own plan was forming in his head but he had a feeling he wasn’t going to be involved as much as he wanted to be.

You gestured to the small bag you now left open on top of your bedside table. “I’ll admit, I was a bit unsure when I first saw this as one of the things in there but after finding what worked for me, I understand why Lyra included it.” You responded, your voice low and enticing as you kept his attention entirely fixed on you. 

“When- when have you used this?” Hunter said, his voice hoarse as the images were enough to make his head spin. He couldn’t help himself either and he closed the gap between you before he immediately removed the robe and traced his mouth along your neck and across your collarbone. His hands caressed the fabric that graced your body. 

Your eyes flickered shut and a content sigh emitted from your lips. “Some nights you were home late and I just couldn’t wait.” 

In response to your words, Hunter ground out a groan against your throat and his hands tightened their grip on your hips but from the way you took a hold of his wrists, he was beginning to understand that was as far as he was going to get with you for the moment. 

“Remember what I said about not falling out of love with me?” You asked as you found your composure once more. 

Hunter nodded slowly as he waited for you to elaborate and then you said the words that made him feel immediately faint and all he could register was the primal desire that was coursing through his veins as he got clarity on your intentions. 

“I want you to wait. And I want you to watch. Can you be good and do that for me?” You crooned against his lips before you kissed him seductively and you watched the change in his eyes as your words registered with him. 

A noise that was mixed with agreement and anguish left his lips as he could do nothing to prevent you from removing yourself and taking your place on the bed. 

Feeling emboldened by his reaction, you offered him a coy smirk and laid down. You turned it on and a sharp gasp that swiftly morphed into a groan left your mouth as you ran the toy down your clothed chest, and further still, teasing yourself in the areas that heightened the arousal coursing through your veins. 

“Talk to me. Tell me what you’re thinking about.” Hunter begged. He needed to know what you were thinking about if he had any hope of standing by and waiting for your permission to touch you. 

Now that was something you had no trouble divulging. “I always imagine you. I imagine your touch, your lips on my skin.”

In a bizarre way, that was the last thing he wanted to hear. He’d hoped for some generic fantasy, something different that could aid him in distancing himself from the moment so he could just enjoy the view but he was now unable to do that. Those words were not helpful in quelling his ever rising need for you. “Sweetheart, please…” Hunter croaked as he could barely find the strength within him to stay standing. Hearing and seeing you like this was sending every part of him into overdrive. 

But you just about managed to shake your head as you kept going, “I imagine your fingers, your tongue, how right it feels when you’re inside of me.” Your words left you through breathless, pleasure induced whispers and your hips bucked as you finally pulled your underwear to the side and applied pressure with the toy where you were also craving his touch. Hunter’s quiet but eager words of encouragement only spurned you on. You kept changing the pace and vibrations so you could prolong the experience. You didn’t mind toying with him or teasing yourself, you knew it would only lead to the reaction from him that you were hoping for. 

Hunter’s mouth felt like it was filled with cotton but he just about managed to gain control of his faculties to reply, “What was that you said about living to torture me?” He rasped, the raw, unfiltered desperation in his voice seeping through as he watched you in utter awe. He sank to his knees at the end of the bed, fingers clawing at the sheets as he forced himself to follow your instructions. His gaze alternated between what was happening between your legs and the expression on your face as you took control over your own pleasure. It was a sight that set his blood on fire but what he was watching was like no test he’d ever faced before, and he would give anything to do this with you, no matter how small a contribution it would be. 

You couldn't find the words to reply for the moment. You were careening towards that cliff-edge that would bring your unbridled relief and you couldn’t bring yourself to delay it any further. 

Hunter immediately recognised the change in your breath and the crinkle in your brow and he couldn’t wait any longer. His patience snapped and he grabbed a hold of your wrist to stop you from going any further. He crawled up your body and kissed you fiercely, muffling your sounds of protest. He pinned your arms above your head, all the while never breaking away from your lips and the slow grind of his hips served as a temporary relief for him as well as an easy and pleasurable distraction for you as he worked the toy out of your grasp. 

Hey- You started to argue as you realised what he’d done.  

“My turn.” Hunter growled against your throat as he sucked a mark on your pulse point, relishing in your quiet moan and the way your body arched under his in response to the action. He found the strength to remove himself from you and alter your places, so he was against the headboard of the bed and your back was against his chest. He angled your head to face straight ahead. “I’m not the only one who should be watching,” He murmured into your ear, “I want you to see how stunning you are and why I can’t control myself around you. You, my perfect wife, are a sight to behold.” With that, he raked his teeth across the skin of your neck and reapplied the toy to where he was longing to be but for now, he would resist. He wanted to have his way with you like this first.

You watched yourself in the bureau mirror and your breath quivered at the sight. Not only was there something particularly and devastatingly arousing about the fact that Hunter was still fully dressed in his immaculate suit while you were wearing next to nothing. But what also added to the excitement was that you had never seen yourself like this and you finally grasped what he was talking about. You couldn’t take your eyes away from your reflection. Your pupils were blown wide, your lips were parted in a perfect ‘o’ shape and your body slotted against his like you were made to be with him. 

Hunter rested his chin on the crook of your neck and watched as your spine bent to his every design, watching your face carefully as he worked the toy between your legs. The noises leaving you fuelling his need to make this an unforgettable experience. “These sounds you make, they’re better than any noise I’ve heard before…. that furrow in your brow, the way your lips part when you can’t stay quiet… the tension in your body I feel before you find relief… all of it is something I can’t believe I get to witness or that I get to create.” Hunter said the words in a frenzied state of passion and he needed to make sure you also understood. “Do you see why I’m so glad to call you mine? Do you see how beautiful you are?”

“Yes.” You agreed with a broken groan as your hips chased the sensations he was giving you. 

He removed the toy, ignoring your faint mewl of annoyance. “Who are you?” Hunter growled as he nipped on your earlobe. 

“I’m your wife.” You gasped, practically delirious with the effect he was having on you.

Hunter hummed his approval and put the toy back, grinning against your jaw as he kissed a sensual path along it before he asked next, “And who am I?”

“You’re my husband.” You panted as you saw the way his ring reflected in the evening light. 

Yes he was. And that was never going to change. “Come for your husband.”

You fell apart with a loud cry and panted breathlessly as you sagged against his chest, but he wasn’t done with you yet. “Hunter-” You choked on your words as he kept going. You went to snap your legs shut but the way he’d entangled his legs with yours made the act impossible. You were completely at his mercy, and you couldn’t think of anything better. As you kept your eyes fixed on your two reflections, you saw the hunger in them and you couldn’t believe you’d spent so long denying yourself these feelings you had for him but you couldn’t linger on those thoughts as you felt yourself stumbling towards another release. Another shout emitted from your lips as that build up of wonderful pressure crashed through you.

As he worked you through the second one, another idea entered Hunter’s head and he kissed the sensitive spot behind your ear. “I wonder how many times I can make you finish with this.” He purred with seductive intent but he allowed you a moment to recover as he traced his lips over any skin he could reach.  

A whimper left you at the very thought but that wasn’t what you wanted yet. You wanted to feel him, you craved the feeling of him inside you. You wanted your husband. You used your freedom to turn and straddle him. “For the next two weeks, you can do whatever you want. But I need you. Now.” You insisted breathlessly against his lips as you practically tore his jacket off and frantically got to work on unbuttoning his shirt. 

It hit him then. Two weeks. He had two weeks of pure relaxation with you. One week here, and one away on the neighbouring island planet that he’d been to a couple days ago upon Shep’s safety recommendation and he’d seen for himself how little the people there cared for or even paid attention to the Empire. 

There’d be no interruptions.

No jobs needing done. 

Just him and you. 

Alone. 

And the thought excited him much more than he’d anticipated. With a low, eager groan, he let go of the toy, wrapped his arms around you and captured your lips in a searing kiss and helped aid you in your attempts to undress him before he did the same for you. 

You raised your hips before carefully bringing them back down to welcome him as your bodies became one, the sensation making both your breath’s catch in your throat. 

Hunter kept you secure for a second as your hips became flush with his. He needed a moment to compose himself and he also wanted to give you time to adjust. He tenderly tucked the dishevelled strands of hair back from your face and looked into your eyes and he saw a love that he knew was reflected in the way he looked at you too- and it wasn’t an expression that was just for tonight but it was one that you shared for as long as you’d known one another. He couldn’t believe how there’d been a time where he thought feeling this happy, feeling this much love wasn't a possibility for either of you. “Tell me when.” He requested, his voice strained. 

Move. Please. You gave your consent instantly as you kissed him once more and finally, he loosened his grip and the act gave you both what you were longing for. 

The two of you moved in perfect synchronisation, swallowing each other’s groans with loving, passionate kisses. 

There was nothing but pure, unfiltered love between the two of you as you got lost in the pleasure induced haze you were gifting one another. 

“Sweetheart, I- I can’t- I’m-” Hunter stammered desperately as he moved his hips in tandem with yours. He’d already been close to the edge when he was both watching and participating in your little game and he didn’t know how much longer he could hold out with how perfect you felt now but he needed you to finish one more time. He needed to feel you come apart again. 

You recognised the change in his pace and you knew he was nearing that same point you were. “With me.” You encouraged as you twisted your fingers in his hair to ground you as you were tumbling towards that moment of ecstasy. 

Hunter felt you tighten around him which only brought on his own release. He buried his face in your chest as he finished with a deep moan.

You collapsed against his chest and for a moment, the only sounds that filled the air were your uneven pants and the island critters that came alive at this time of night. Wow, that- I- I don’t know what else to say other than that.

Hunter huffed out a laugh. “When we go away, bring that bag with you.” He requested into the quiet through heavy breaths as he stroked your back.

You chuckled softly as you rested your head against him and worked on catching your own breath. “So, Sergeant, now that you’ve made an honest woman out of me, what’s the plan for the next 14 days?”

“Keeping you in bed is a key part of my agenda.” He said with complete seriousness. 

A rush of arousal swept through your body at that thought. “We’ll need to eat at some point.” You pointed out with playful logic, a smile in your voice as you listened to his heartbeat. 

“Oh, I will… We know the counters here are strong enough anyway…” Hunter mused as his hands now slid up and down your sides. 

You raised yourself to catch the gleam in his eye and you shook your head fondly. “You know that’s not what I meant.”

Hunter hummed out a soft laugh and made a path of kisses from the tip of your nose, to the hollow of your throat before he switched your positions, so he was now on top of you. “The second part of my plan is making sure I make you as happy as you make me.”

Your fingers stroked through the small pieces of his fringe before you threaded your fingers in his dark locks. “You’ve already done that and more. I’ve never been happier.” You said with deep sincerity, and you kissed him gently, the promise of your new life together implicitly understood in the tender way you met the passionate, loving strokes of his mouth. 

Finally, you felt utterly complete and at peace.

--

Ten years later

The moonlight was her only guide as she walked the familiar path to the cave.

She quietly made her way into the cavern and to her new ship that was finally ready to fly. 

She didn’t feel great about leaving in the dead of night without saying a proper goodbye but her mind was made up and she couldn’t face any more debates. 

She was going and that was that. She knew you’d all accept her choice in time. 

–

As she entered and crouched down to turn the lamps on, she heard a faint bark and as she followed the source of the sound, she realised she wasn’t alone after all.

Of course, she should’ve known the couple that consisted of a Jedi and a clone with enhanced senses would make it impossible to do anything sneakily. 

She fondly shook her head and made her way over to where you two were sitting by the area of the cave that looked out through and opening to where the moonlight and ocean met.  

–

“Thought you could just sneak off?” Hunter said with an amused lilt to his voice before he sighed as he realised there was no changing what was about to happen. “Time hasn’t dulled all my senses.”

“And older Jedi or now, you forget that we know you pretty well by now.” You pointed out with a kind smile from Hunter’s left. 

Omega sat down on Hunter’s other side. “This shouldn’t be a surprise. The Rebellion needs pilots now more than ever.” 

Hunter simply released a resigned sigh. 

“I’ve made my choice, Hunter. I want to do more.” 

“And we want to keep you safe.” 

A light huff of laughter left her lips. Some things time never changed and Hunter’s protective nature was one of those things. “You have but I’m not a kid anymore. You don’t have to worry about me.”

“Oh, come on, Omega. You know we can’t do that.” You reminded her with a slight smile. You were prepared for this but the reality of it was always going to be hard to handle. 

Hunter nodded his agreement with your statement before he said to her, “You’re our kid, Omega. You always will be.”

She glanced at you “Hunter, you’ve all fought enough. This is my fight. I’m ready.” She needed him to understand that or she’d be leaving with a heavy heart. Omega looked to you for confirmation that he was finally ready to let her go as you were the only one during the beginning of all the back and forth that had immediately shown a willingness to hear her out. 

He’s not here to stop you but let him have a bit longer with you, okay? You requested gently and you saw her give you a subtle dip of her head that she’d heard you.

“Yeah I know you are, but I’m not.” Hunter admitted with a deep sigh. He registered your hand squeezing his knee in comfort. 

My love, it’s time. You said delicately.

Hunter released a shaky exhale before you all got to your feet.

Omega gave Hunter a warm embrace before she pulled back but left her hands on his shoulders. “Keep an eye on the others while I’m gone. Batcher too.” Omega instructed with a sad but also content smile. Leaving was never going to be easy but at least now she had the blessing of those that mattered most to her.

You took your turn and squeezed her tight. Take this.

Omega’s eyes widened as she parted from you and saw what you were holding. “No, I can’t. It’s-”

“I want you to have it, Omega.” You insisted as you tied the bracelet with your blue kyber crystal attached to it. I love you, kid and I know you won’t exactly have time for a weekly comm chat but this way, I’ll always know where you are.

Omega gave you a happy but slightly teary-eyed smile as she nodded her acceptance of the gift. 

The three of you shared in a final group hug before you separated for the last time.

“Off you go.” Hunter encouraged with a sad but accepting grin.

Omega darted up the steps of her ship.

“Omega…” 

She half turned to face Hunter again.

“If you ever need us, we’ll be there.” He promised as he wrapped his arm around you and squeezed your shoulder. 

“Just say where and when.” You affirmed passionately. 

Omega nodded and powered up the shift and she’d never felt more ready for this next adventure. With a final wave of farewell from the cockpit, she got the ship in the air.

In response to Batcher’s quiet whine as the ship took off, Hunter reassured the hound, “It’s alright, girl. She’ll be fine.” 

“They won’t know what hit them.” You said proudly as you watched the ship fade into the distance. 

“The Empire or the Rebellion?” Hunter quipped.

“Both.” You replied with a smile. “Come on. We’ve got our family to get back too.” You intertwined your hands and the two of you and your faithful hound companion left the cavern. 

–

“So, now that one of our own is off on the next adventure, are you still liking the boring, domestic life?” Hunter asked light-heartedly as the two of you made your way back to your home.

You paused and looped your arms around his neck with a doting smile. “I love my boring, domestic life and you forget, this life has my handsome husband in it and I would be crazy if I wanted anything different.” You replied sincerely. 

Hunter offered you a small, playful smirk. “Still handsome huh? Don’t you mean old?”

You arched a sceptical brow. Surely he wasn’t serious? Your eyes hungrily scanned the healthy body of a man that didn’t have to live battle to battle or ration to ration and the grown out hair that had beautiful streaks of light grey mixed in with the dark brown locks. And the beard? You didn’t have enough words or time to even express how well that worked for him. He never failed to get your heart racing, no matter how much time passed. “Have you seen yourself, Hunter? It’s actually unfair how good you look.”

Hunter returned your smile and placed his hands on your waist and pulled you closer to him. He nuzzled the side of your face as he murmured, “You get my heart racing too.”

You chuckled softly- you knew he would’ve sensed the increase in your heartbeat. You kissed him tenderly in response before the two of you walked on. 

You ruminated in your thoughts as your home drew nearer. Omega wasn’t a kid anymore, this decision was hers to make and she had all the support behind her. Would you all worry? Of course you would, that was a given no matter what she was signing up for but she had proven time and time again that she could take care of herself. Your paths may be different now but family was the only thing you could always count on and no matter where any of you ended up, that was a certainty that was never going to fade with time. 

Tagging: @noeasyisnoisy, @andreaaxy, @moonychicky, @notgonnaedit, @arctrooper69, @dizzy-9906, @nightmonkeysstuff, @allthingsimagines, @thegreymarveljedi, @jellybeanstacey0519, @callsign-denmark, @superbookishhufflepuff, @qvnthesia, @justsomerandompersonintheworld, @ooostarwarsfandom501st, @dreamsight73, @yourreababboon, @livin-life-to-the-coolest

[seoktized]

making a formal ?? going on break post cause idk i feel like you guys deserve it.

but umm yea. recently i’ve just lowkey felt so icky with myself and pretty much everything around me. it seems like everything is just out to get me and bad things keep happening so im like 👁️👁️ wtf

i started the blog to kinda cope with my hypersexuality and rn im just feeling :/ about myself 😭 and on top of that i’ve had writers block for like a smooth second now. i’ve tried to answer asks but my brain just doesn’t work. (makes me sad bc i got a really sexy stepdad hanbin ask but i just Cant answer it).

i don’t know when i’ll be back. i’m just burnt out with like everything. my emotions havent been like awful but i’m just in ? mode. like i’ve been in autopilot for idk how long. hopefully i’ll get over this slump soon, but until then i won’t be posting.

see you all soon (hopefully) and while i’m not there yet, (2 followers away) i’ll go ahead and say thank you so much for 1.3k <3 means a lot to me that you all are here supporting me and i cant wait to come back and write for you all.

[suusoh]

i wanna know what’s your theory on what happened to johan after the ending since it’s up to the audiences imagination yk?

THANK YOU FOR ASKING MY THOUGHTS ON THIS ANON! I give you kiss ( ˘ ³˘)♥︎ I'm going to diverge more on headcanons of him in another post. These are just my nonsensical interpretations of Johan after monster.

(tw: talks of multiple suicide attempts (all failed though don't worry))

Another anon of mine sent another similar ask (will post said ask shortly as it dwelves more into the x reader aspects hehe) gave the description of post-monster/ post-rurenheim johan as "a juxtaposition to his regular omnipotent self" which is a 1000% perfect way on how I'd describe him post-monster/post-rurenheim.

I really do believe that although he still has a prowess for manipulation skills and psychology after monster, he wouldn't have as much charisma as before. Part of his godly charisma came from the fact that he himself has no identity so he can fine tune himself to anyone (presenting himself with such a pleasing expression and personality, his agreeability with some would come from his own lack of personall thoughts). But now that he's got his own individuality and a name, he wouldn't bother with being agreeable anymore, as it isn't as natural for him anymore.

It's kind of why he doesn't even bother keeping a soft smile anymore at the end of monster when he was confronting dr tenma. He's not trying to be approachable anymore, and instead opts to actually showing how he's feeling rn. Instead of just using a pleasant expression as a placeholder on his face. I mean just look at the stark difference:

All the trauma and stress has finally catched up to him and has even taken a PHYSICAL toll on his body as well. I haven't noticed it before as I thought it was just an art style, but you can can notice that over time after he uncovers his past since the library, his face actually starts growing eye bags

like he is TIRED. He cannot do this anymore, he's burnt out. Which is the number one characterization I would give him post-monster.

Don't get me wrong, I LOVE when he is interpreted as still having that small serene smile on his face and living his life calmly after monster. I subscribe to that characterization and would write him like that too, especially if we're going to interpret it as it being second nature or muscle memory for him to have that politeness. —It's just another part of me loves the idea that him being slightly rude and unapproachable even. A part of his reclaiming of his own humanity, is him not keeping up appearances anymore. He doesn't need to keep up politeness and being friendly anymore.

Another thing I can see him doing for a while is actually being quite... listless? If that makes sense. Like he would just do a good solid nothing for a while. Walk around in parks and other places trying to take in the world around him again. Trying to grasp life after losing his inner monster/kinderheim programming/fucked up coping mechanism.

He might try bars now and other social gatherings to see the hype and try to feel something. But maybe it just makes him feel all the more alienated and detached from society. Imagine being surrounded by so much people but still feel so alone. He'd feel all the more disconnected from humanity.

--- talks of suicide start here ---

Kind of dark here but I think this might lead him to trying to attempt at ending his life again. He sees it so pointless now and his entire focal point has been shattered

He knows him and his sister aren't the same people anymore, he knows that he doesn't have to keep living his life as her shadow/half a person/the "worse" version of her. But man... after 20+ years of living like that it's really gonna hit once you realise that you can't do your sole life goal anymore...

His despair might come in the form of him genuinely not knowing how to live. Throughout monster it kinda felt like he was on autopilot, his own individuality and sense of self taking a backseat. So imagine out of nowhere the plane's crashing and you're suddenly put in the driver's seat all of a sudden when, you didn't even bother learning how to drive or fly this thing in the first place because 1.) You were convinced you didn't need to drive ever, you were forcefully stuffed in the plane's cargo by adults who traumatized you, 2.) You didn't even know you'd be flying this long.

(sorry for the plane analogy i'm just rambling my raw thoughts 💀 but yes man is lowkey crashing and burning)

If we're gonna put it in a smaller more related level, imagine your entire life you grew up trained to be like...like an archaeologist or something, like your childhood bedroom had archaeology stuff, you were raised to study archaeology and only archaeology, you excelled at it, you had the gear for archaeology, you're in college studying archaeology and even having a specific vision in your mind of you being an archaeologist....the only thoughts you grew up with is you and archaeology.

Only to find out from nowhere that you never actually were into archaeology. And that you liking archaeology (aka your hobby/interest, your entire IDENTITY) was conditioned and instilled into you by weird freaky scientists when you were a child. You find out that you actually had a personality BEFORE archaelogy, and now you're 20 and you've spent more than a decade of your life dedicated to archaeology only to find out that maybe this whole time archaeology isn't even a thing you liked in the first place.

yeah that's basically the library revelation. HAFHDJAH archaeology being his "monster".

And now you're wandering through life, that isn't about you being an archaeologist..... OF COURSE YOU'D FUCKING DESPAIR. What are you even supposed to do now????

But funnily enough, Naoki Urusawa says that monster is actually a dark comedy in his eyes (Lmaooo just as I thought. I was giggling watching monster), so in true shakespearean tragic-comedy fashion, Johan's attempt here might become a fail. Divine intervention if you will.

But worry not friends, as this suicide attempt of his was made when his monster was gone, where his coolness and emotional detachment are also gone. So I think him doing a suicide attempt post-monster might actually, in some miraculous roundabout way.... scare him a bit for the first time.

I think the scene/poem "The View from Halfway Down" from "Bojack Horseman" is the best way to describe how I see he'll start feeling things.

He'd wonder why his heart is beating suddenly and why a cold sweat is forming on his face and on his palms, and why his breathing is out of control. He's confused as hell as to why his adrenaline spiked up. He walked on the ledges of rooftops, the number of times he's had guns pointed at him is more than the fingers on his hands, he died twice for goodness sakes. So why?...why is he feeling this all of a sudden? he'd start to grow a bit frustrated because this doesn't. make. sense.

If we're still gonna go with the dark comedy route, we could write him as him trying and trying again to off himself💀i'm so sorry. I'm just rolling with Urusawa's vision here of him saying monster is a dark comedy. Each time Johan attempts with ending his life, it would just fail.

But if he got spooked off on his first suicide attempt post-monster, he'd probably stop after that one. Not because he wants to keep living, but because his stupid (incredible) brain chemicals keep making his body hesitate to off himself.

He'd be pissed at his own fear. I could see him actually almost tearing up in frustration at what's happening. He's never had to deal with shit like this before, he never hesitated, he never had to feel fear, hell— he didn't even have to LIVE before. He wasn't actually living during his time as "Johan Liebert". He didn't get the same agency to fully explore and navigate his own life in his own time like every other human being. He doesn't want to try. He just wants to end himself— and he can't even do that anymore. He's so frustrated, and pissed, and he's honestly just so... lost.

Buuuut! To quote Tom Hanks from "Castaway":

I was gonna die there, totally alone. I was gonna get sick, or get injured or something. The only choice I had, the only thing I could control was when, and how, and where it was going to happen. So... I made a rope and I went up to the summit, to hang myself. I had to test it, you know? Of course. You know me. And the weight of the log, snapped the limb of the tree, so I-I - , I couldn't even kill myself the way I wanted to. I had power over *nothing*. And that's when this feeling came over me like a warm blanket. I knew, somehow, that I had to stay alive. Somehow. I had to keep breathing. Even though there was no reason to hope. And all my logic said that I would never see this place again. So that's what I did. I stayed alive. I kept breathing. And one day my logic was proven all wrong because the tide came in, and gave me a sail."

He'd then sigh softly and shake his head...maybe let out a small sardonic laugh. Ah, how fate really does love to mess with him. Some higher being out there is really taking the piss with him, wasn't it? Because maybe.... just maybe. He kind of realises that Dr. Tenma and Nina were right.

I think this is the point where he'd kinda like.... cancel out nihilism WITH nihilism.

" I found everything pointless... until I realised even that was pointless" kinda vibe

Hope this satisfied your question anon! My thoughts are not organized here so pardon :)! Also please excuse if my tone in the more serious parts sounds a bit too light.

Thank you for reading and and asking me anon! ˘ ³ ˘ mwuah!!

[ramblingsfromthytruly]

really struggling with my mental health & feeling like crap rn, just trying to get through the day on autopilot to get all my stuff done cuz tmr is my english exam. i need to eat more. i need to sleep more. i need to exercise more. i need to study more. i need to do my hobbies more. i need to talk to my best friend more. i just need so much MORE i feel like absolute crap. and now i'm venting online hoping not many ppl see this because i may get (supportive) comments and i'll feel like shit about them because I KNOW IT WILL GET BETTER and i can't muster the energy to reply all 'hehe tyyy' and yet i need to vent somewhere

[cleewii]

WE’VE GROWN TIRED

pairing: levi ackerman x fem!afabreader

rating: m for mature

warning (s): 18+ content, grief, death, angst, mentions of gore, unhealthy coping mechanisms, sub levi, dom reader, badly edited, hurt/comfort???

word count: 2.5K

note: i’m prolly gonna regret posting this as it is right now since i had bigger ideas for it, but it’s been sitting in my notes app for almost a year and i figure it’s decent enough as is. levi ,the loml, one day i’ll pump out an actual full length fic for you instead of this lil blurb of emotionally driven p*rn 💕

I do not permit the reposting/reuploading of my work on any platform. i do not allow the use of my work for other forms of entertainment. not even with credit

days had been spent accompanied by sleepless nights where the recollection of rain slicked fields filled his head. crimson poured across blades of grass like a grizzly wash of watercolor paint, dribbling down into the earth, which he could still taste on tounge. gritty and suffocating. He always wakes from these dreams as though he’d been pulled out of water, drinking in air like he’s been starved of it.

he has no time to dwell on the past. the sun creeps into the morning, and soon enough he’s pulling on his uniform and tightening belts into their buckles. new assignments drone on in the background of his mind, and he works like he’s on autopilot. even when the muscles in his arms and legs begin to ache, and his bones scream within the confines of his body, he does not stop, for at least that can distract him from the emptiness of the seats beside him in the mess halls, and the harrowing silence that fills the dusk.

he’s come outside to the fields to check on the stables when he’s met with a curious sight.

a stone, large and erroded, has been placed a few feet away from the grouped cavalry. blossoms decorate the space in front of it, filling the grass with shades of yellow, red, and purple, and what’s most curious of all is the girl that sits in front of it. between her fingers she twirls the thin stem of a white flower—her mind must be heavily preoccupied because she hasn’t noticed that the fibers holding the stem together have gone bruisy—the petals beginning to wilt in her hold.

she’s muttering to herself, words he can’t quite catch and doesn’t care enough to try, but it’s then that he realizes she looks familiar. that familiarity brings a memory he wishes he could wipe away from the world.

you, the girl who had cradled isabels remains, tears melding with the rain pouring down unto the gore. you’d wrapped her up with the cloak off your back, and carried her all the way back to base. the sight had sickened him in the moment, just knowing that lifeless eyes and a carcass lay rotting away beneath that bone white insignia brought acid to his tounge, but he’d said nothing, even if he wanted to yell and scream, because what on earth could a stranger want with the remains of his family? what could you possibly hope to achieve by lugging grief with you like a medal? he swallowed down the rage, and looked ahead. he never saw you again after that day, but here you are now.

he’s come close enough now to slightly make out your words, and it’s when her name slips from your tounge that you have his full attention.

“wish you could see it, isabel. m’sure you would’ve loved it….”

“what could you possibly know about what she’d love?”

the words come out of his mouth before he realizes it.

they’re bitter, angry, a sort of rage you’d spot in a wounded animal, and he looks at you as though he could pour all of his pain into you and your borrowed grief and be done with it all.

“I…” The words don’t seem to make their way past your lips. you’re stuck staring between the cold sharpness of his eyes and the empty space beside his head, flickering back and fourth like you could somehow find the words written in the air.

What you want to say is that you’re sorry.

Sorry for everything he must be feeling, sorry for the loss that life has dealt him, sorry that you had to remind him of it all. But then you realized he may be sick of the sorry’s, and then you think you want to tell him that she loved him, and you had understood that completely, even though you’d only been apart of her life for a small, precious fragment of time.

You want to tell him all of these things, even if it might make him hate you, even if it makes you hate yourself, and yet, you sit in silence. Mouth pressed thinly, eyes glossy, as though choking on your own shame.

He stomps away before the courage to respond finds you, the words dying on your tounge, and you’re left to mourn alone.

***

It’s funny, now that he thinks about. How cold and cruel your beginning was. So different, a drastic change from the exchanges the two of you would find yourselves in now.

over time he’d see more and more of you. No longer a ghost painted in grief, or a little girl crying for her friend in the mud. You’ve grown, matured into a soldier, evident by the scars in your skin, the hardened look in your eyes, and the tears that no longer come.

As much as he fought against it, he found himself drawn to you. Maybe it’s because you knew about a small part of himself, and loved her enough to honor her when he couldn’t. Maybe it’s because you fought to wedge yourself into his life, forcing him to know you, down to the atoms of your being, the endless secession of thoughts in your mind—so far and so long he had to wander the planes of your existence. Somewhere along that journey, he found himself pushing forward without your hand to guide him. He began to wonder, and soon enough he began to long, and finally, when the tension grew so thick you could cut through it with a blade, you confronted him with secrets he’d been harboring, and returned them with your own.

It’s safe to say you’ve become much more than the girl at the grave, wearing your insignia of bones.

hushed and hurried, you’re frantic in stealing away his every breath. swallowing down his frustration and yearning to take all of him for yourself, no longer reserved and eager to take up as little space in his life as possible. now, you take from him what you will and want, however much of him you can in the few minutes time allows you.

try as you might, time is an unmerciful lord.

When flowers bloom, beautiful and bright, filling the world with a spectrum of color after such bitter cold, it is hope for the future. Hope that no violent winter will fall upon the life that has sprouted, but this hope is short lived, and eventually, the clouds thicken, the world sinks into gray, and we are forced to birth anew. time holds the earth in its monstrous hands, and the joy the two of you find is picked at, threatened to be wrenched away once things have finally begun to brighten.

***

“i think there’s going to be a storm.” You glare at the darkening sky, fingers digging at the thin cotton of your shirt.

“that so?” Levi keeps his eyes on the stack of paperwork before him, the warm glow of the candle at his desk illuminating the parchment. the weather had been calm only moments ago, just before the two of your retired into his office. the pot of tea at his side is still warm.

“a bad one,” you turn. your eyes linger on his form and the shadows waltzing on the wall behind him.

his looks up. his lips pressing into a fine line.

***

It’s a shame that the light-hearted days are gone.

back then, it wasn’t all about saving the world. back then, losing didn’t mean the fall of humanity. nothing changes the weight of loss, grief continues to sit within levi’s heart like a cancer, and no matter the stakes, it’s a tumor that will never disappear, but there was a vision within it. the desperation for answers to impossible questions, there was a rhythm to it all. It made sense, and as much as he hated to admit it, the predictability was something he appreciated.

But that’s gone now.

the world has twisted itself into an unforeseeable monster, and he rides its back hoping it won’t shake him off and leave him in the dust. the day he lost his entire team was the first sign that something was coming—that the good old days were gone. long gone.

how he wishes it were the good old days again.

***

the first time you kill another person, he’s right there beside you.

he can tell that you’re scared, a fear he’s been familiar with for years, and one he could only hope, try, and then fail to shield you from. he’d never been the type to try and evade weakness, not for himself or anybody else, but for you, he’d pray to whatever god was out there that you’d never know that type of pain. even if pain made you stronger, even if it was what made you the person you were now.

***

shakey hands grasp at the plackets of his shirt, fumbling with buttons and boutonnières, almost tearing the fabric in the process.

“hey,” he takes your hand in his, pulling them away despite the way you huff. “you need to calm down.”

your shoulders rise and fall clumsily with the weight of your breaths. you’d been trying so hard to stomach down the guilt—forcing a mask of cold determined stoicism in the hopes of putting your subordinates at ease. turns out, you could handle stone hearted objectivity as well as directing your blades towards another human being.

the grip he has on your hands is so gentle you could crumble. i don’t deserve it, comes the thought, and as hard as you try to wipe it away, that voice comes to you as violently as it had long ago. your unable to meet his eyes, scared he’d see the way you’re slipping, and you know all that awaits you is the worry you wish he didn’t have to deal with.

“i’m sorry,” you murmur, letting the fabric of his shirt fall from your hands. “i….im just—“

“scared. i know.”

“this is so hard, levi. i cant….” you swallow. “i dont want to keep watching it happen.” he knows what you mean without you having to explain it. he knows that weight on your shoulders, the pit in your stomach, the ache in your bones. he knows it because he’s felt it time and time again.

“i’m so tired,” your head falls against his shoulder. his hand reaches to cup the back of your head, silent as you sniffle against him.

“i know…”

***

you’re still upset; it’s present in the way you offer no words, just the sound of breathing and soft moans between the two of you.

your skin is hot against his, lips selfish with the need to kiss him again and again. You take what you want and he lets you—gives it all to you.

the undertones of frustration and anger linger in the air, neither directed at either party but still present nonetheless. it was bound to happen, with how shitty the past few days have been. the everyday had managed to leech itself into a moment where it shouldn’t have been allowed to, and the thought makes Levi sick.

not here, not now, and never with you.

“slow down….” he groans when your hips grow to a rather brutal pace.

“too much for you?“ there’s a halfheartedness to your voice. your lips brush against his ear and he can’t help but groan with it. disregarding the bite to your words, you do listen to him and slow to a steady grind, quelling the burn in your muscles while you sigh with the warmth he brings.

his hands drag from your thigh up to the flesh of your hips, thumbs digging into the divit where your skin creases with soft affection. savoring the moment, he thinks. savoring time, and nights of peace, and you. he drinks in your expressions, the curves and hard lines of your body, the softness of your skin beneath his touch, and the rise and fall of your chest that follows with every breath. his nose traces your throat, shivering as your hand follows up the back of his head and lays pressed against his cheek. “just want to make this last. don’t be a brat.” he murmurs, letting his lips feather across the skin of your jugular. “take it slow with me…”

you hum in response, and feel the aggression and frustration melt out of you. yes, there wasn’t room for any of that. never when it was just the two of you. the rest of the world, and the realities beyond your closed bedroom door falls upon deaf ears as the two of you meld into bliss.

for the first time in so long, you can feel the ache leave, and you invite him to take its place for however long he’ll allow.

if he had any say it in, he’d do it for the rest of your lives.

Your name passes through his lips as a breathless whisper, his fingers digging deeper into your skin.

“Hold on just a sec, honey.” you press kisses to the sides of his face. “M’almost there, too”

He buries himself into your neck, swallowing down a hiss when you speed up just a bit.

Fuck. You were gonna be the death of him.

“Oh, Levi,” Your fingers pull at his hair, “Fuck, you’re so good to me.”

His eyes go a bit glossy; a pretty sheen washing over his steel eyes as he lets you overcome his each and every sense. You. You. You. In every crevice of his mind he finds you, and when he pulls himself back into your arms the words come tumbling out.

“Love you…”

You trace a soft touch up the nape of his neck, letting your fingers find the soft fuzz of his undercut with a grin. “What was that?”

“I love you.” His voice breaks off a bit, feathering into a breathy groan.

“I love you too,” You kiss just below his ear, then press another to his throat, and then finally catch his lips with your own. “so much.”

maybe that’s what does it; the driving force behind the snapped knot, the crescendo in the pit of his stomach, so sharp and so hard, soothing over his bones with warm sweet nothings. He throws his head back with a broken moan as it washes over him, painting the feeling of your throbbing cunt into memory as he fills you up, so sweet and tight.

a small voice in his head tells him that was a bad idea, that he should’ve been more careful, but the weight of you in his arms, your soft mouth pressing rosette kisses to his skin forces that voice away.

it takes a minute before he finds his own. “feel better?”

“yeah,” you breathe, “much better.”

“good.”

[halevren]

FHJY Spoilers || my live thoughts as I watch episode 10

Happy mid season episode! I am saddened by the fact that I work on Wednesdays because I will be late to watch fhjy until the forseeable future. If anyone cares though I plan on buying the adya statuette next week if my finances allow for it :3 also I am so tired rn but I NEED to watch fhjy

Do you guys think ayda will appear in this episode after her statuette was released last week? (Praying)

tttaking over teenage rebellion!

Lucy Frostblade... You were just a girl. You didn't deserve everything that happened to you

"We're feeling bad. But we're feeling... Hopefully positive."

stress isn't always the bed guy

Aelwyn!

big old burned down house

Cottoncandy Bitchfuck

"I'm.... Bored. That's not true. I'm not bored at all. I'm just tired."

Hindesight is 50/50

"Oh I love this. Tell me all about it."

Siobhan is loving Aelwyn rn

"I do sometimes believe in you"

"So Sentimental"

Aelwyn and Adaine are so important to me their sibling relationship is everything

AELWYN AND ADAINE NOT BEING USED TO NICENESS

"Oh, my sweet little boy is sick!"

"just don't tell fab— don't tell anyone my apartment looks like this"

The Gukgak

I'm the Gukgak guy!

"Oh, Riz, you have to sleep, Kiddo." "I can't, mom, I don't have time." Oh Riz....

Framed?

Riz is so exhausted

It's been an hour and a half and his mom has chips and a drink 😭😭

"Mom, you have to be so careful."

"Keep my name out of your mouth." FIG 😭😭

"it's all good, mom"

yulenear

"Fig has like 3 majors now" "maybe 4, i might take a level of wizard."

"Kristen Applebees, believe it or not." "... huh." HWHHWKWNEB

"You both keep my name out of your mouth."

"It's been our month!"

Lola Embers recommended Gorgug's place??

"Mom I'm going to go to Loam farm."

*shrug* "mom." *shrug*

"We're having a rough one." "GOT 'EM."

"I'll do it." Fig cleric teacher?!?!

TAMAGOTCHI. MaryAnn my beloves

The puppet master!

"Ha Ha! Darling Girl!"

Gilear is king for the day

"My mom called you?"

"I don't need a ride to school anymore"

"I believe she's wanted here."

BUSINESS CLASS FOR CLOACA

"Can I say hi??"

NOOOOOOO NOOO SHE HUNG UP BEFORE FABIAN COULD ANSWER

That's so devastating

Coffee all over the DM screen

Yeah they haven't addressed the fact that fig is cursed

Pussy out, tits away

Theres so much going on

ohhh they might be sacrificing the rats

"I'm wearing a sports bra and a G-string, and I want to be closer with all of you."

Fabian with Mazey is so painful. He's so flustered and awkward I love him

MAZEY TRUSTS FABIAN

"I'm here, for you."

"Kristen was in a mood."

NOO DON'T KILL MAZEY SAVE HER FABIAN

Fried rice

SHE LEANS IN TO MAKE OUT

THIS IS SO EMBARRASSIJG

"Wait, they don't like us??"

"When you think about me, why do you always bring up the ball?"

SHE WANTS TO MAKE SURE HE'S OKAY BECAUSE HE'S ALOne

oh Fabian...,...........

"The legend continues."

"I was going to get a tattoo, actually."

"Even if you weren't maximum legend, I would still wanna hang out with you." MAZEEYYYYY 😭😭😭😭

BOGGY

Absence of divinity???

THE GOD'S DOMAIN CHANGED OVER TIME????

RUVINA'S SIBLING??

The gift is only mentioned in old texts??

"Well I guess I'll go to work."

Basrar is dead

"Literally your circus, literally your monkeys."

Tips are bad

RODEO MODE

THE MIDDLE SCHOOL FOR A SPEECH???

NOOO NAT ONE

Check the soil kids

Lydia mention 🔥🔥🔥

Kristen holds so much hostility for Kalina 😭😭

Oh Lydia...

AV club mention

THIRTY ROLL 🔥🔥🔥🔥

The powerhouse of the cell

Aggression and protectiveness

7 becomes a 21?!?!!

?!?!?!?!?! SOMETHING COMING OUT OF HER CHEST???

22 Arcana, 25 religion

Elemental alignment???

Fiendish things going on

Yellow gold

Kinda like the pride of armor and lemon yogurt

PISS CURSE????

Ratgrinders sticker

"I don't get angry, I think I get sad sometimes" me too buddy, me too

Sometimes a spell comes out and obliterates people

Comedy of errors

Autopilot

Bobby Dawn and Pam Dawn

Bobby Dawn coming to Aguefort sounds like a bad thing

"I'll never let you do that."

"Yours only came back once." *middle finger* Kristen Applebees you will always be famous

A+ in paladin classes!

"Sorry! Get away from me"

Reasons he won't divulge???

A+ in all classes!!!

THREE PARAGRAPH ESSAY? NOOO ABOUT SADNESS AND DISAPPOINTMENT NOOOOO

FIG NAT 20 FOR THE INSIGHT 😭

Zara is gorgeous

The days of Goldenhoard is over 😭😭

"MY GOD IS KRISTEN????"

Oh my god I almost prophesied this when I said Kristen would become a cleric/warlock of Fig.... instead Fig is the warlock/paladin of Kristen 😭😭😭

I'm the closest thing to a prophet holy shit

New god, agreement, todo list

Complicated Women: Lucy Frostblade 😭😭

NAT 20 DECEPTION FOR WANDA CHILDA

Oh my god

"Frick. I'm so sorry." "I'm not." Wanda Childa

GET MY ROCKS OFF TO 😭😭

"I'm off the grid that's why I only have an iPod"

God... Wanda Childa

rubby46@sol.com

"Do you want me to get you a phone?"

"I KNOW YOU'RE IN THERE"

"I want to do relationships with Riz."

Medal of Wit

LITTLE METAL BRIEFCASE

You absolutely sweetie

29 performance 🔥🔥

GARTY O'BRIEN MENTION 🔥🔥🔥🔥

Naked Kristen. Again.

Oh god Fabian is at 4 at his second roll

"Breaker Breaker, this is Fabian Seacaster, looking for his papa, Bill Seacaster, somewhere out there in the nine hells............"

This is so heartbreaking... Fabian...

Oh Fabian...

His papa.....

He probably feels so lonely

Rage token.....

This rage token is making me take a stress token

Everyone single one has been bad

FABIAN TAKING THE BARDIC FROM FIG

Constitution saving throw???

oh no

oh no

oh no

"I shit myself"

I CAN'T BRWATHE

"I've only been eating leftovers"

UNNAMED BARD STUDENT NO

QUINCY NO

DID QUINCY TAKE A RAGE TOKEN?

THAT'S IT????

oh my god

[the-mandawhor1an]

Question tag game

I've been tagges by @djarins-cyare a while ago and finally get to it. Thank you for thinking of me 💜💜💜

Answers under the cut ⇓⇓⇓

Do you make your own bed?

Not on the regular. I am a human raccoon and live in eternal chaos. My bed is only made when we have people over and they might have a look into the bedroom to see the cat. Or when it hits me and I have one of these days where I feel the urge to deep-clean the bedroom.

Favourite number?

17. I dont know why but the number jus speaks to me. Also, kind of feel good about 12, it's a nice number. Very versatile. Probably the number I gravitate toward when I have to think of a random number.

What’s your job?

I am a development engineer to put it simply. My official job description will lead to me having to explain quite a few things. It's a niche industry and I am intentionally vague about it, as it's probably easy to find my workplace and in return me if I tell you. What I can say is, I am considered a photonics engineer and work with lasers daily.

I lovingly call myself 'smartass with a licnse'. Engineers are a little smartassy. Also, my 'expertise' will have some significance to the Reed Richards filth that still sits in my wip folder.

If you could go back to school, would you?

I'm not sure. The only 'step' I have left would be starting a PhD. Do I enjoy being an engineer? Yes. Are about half of my coworkers PhD holders and that makes me feel like the odd one out? Also yes.

Am I willing to switch my 40 hour work week to about 60 hours for the next 3 to 5 years? I'm not so sure. Also generally the pay for PhD students is not that great in good old Germany

Would I like to be a Dr-Ing one day? It would be cool. I bet my granddad would be proud, he was a professor himself. Kind of sad that he passed before I graduated.

Can you parallel park?

Yup. I do it rarely but my car is small and I am (mostly) confident in my parking skills. Unless Heehoo is with me because he has this talent to make comments about women's parking skills whenever I park my car perfectly and it annoys the ever-loving shit out of me.

Do you think aliens are real?

I think so. It used to scare me when I was younger but now the thought of being completely alone in this universe is a lot scarier. The universe is big. FUCKING BIG. It is next to impossible that there is no other life out there. There is the great filter theory but I don't fully subscribe to it.

Can you drive a manual car?

Not to bash the Americans on here but I believe most Europeans do? Yes, I learned in driving school, otherwise you're not allowed to drive manual after you have your license. Nowadays you can even do a hybrid of automatic and manual at driving school. Like 4 lessons are on the manual and the rest plus the exam are done on the automatic and you still get the license to drive both.

Also, my car (that has been running smoothly ever since it came back) is a manual. I've been driving mom's car for years before that which was automatic, it was a little difficult to get back into shifting gears but it takes one or two trips and it's all back and works on autopilot. Now when I drive automatic I find myself wanting to shift gears every now and then.

What’s your guilty pleasure?

I'm not sure I even have guilty pleasures. I enjoy my pleasures unapologetically these days.

Do you have any phobias?

Flying.

I know it's irrational as driving a car is infinetely more dangerous than flying but I can NOT stay calm when I feel the nose of the plane take a dive. I will claw into the arm rests and make the trip unbearable for Heehoo as well.

I have been on planes. I survived, obviously. It just doesn't feel nice so currently I can only stomach short flights.

Favourite childhood sport?

Probably dancing? Unless horseback riding is also considered sport.

Yes, you read that right.

I was a horse girl. I wanted to buy a horse when I started working. Well, haha, funny thought. I am paying off my car rn and I can NOT afford a horse whatsoever.

I am by no means an active person. The only movement I somewhat enjoy is rollerskating and taking walks. Sometimes swimming.

Do you talk to yourself?

Occasionally. A lot happens internally but sometimes I just vocalize my thoughts when I'm alone.

Do you have tattoos?

Currently I have two, both on my ribcage. A little fox (that I should just call Fink tbh)

The stretch marks really came out to say hi in this.

and some florals with Mando's helmet.

Mando will get an extension all the way down my leg with my Maia helmet and more florals. It will take some time tho. I need to save up some money for it. Plus I'm not so happy wih my body rn. Working full time really takes a toll on the body.

Favourite colour?

purple. Easy.

Do you like puzzles?

Jigsaw puzzles? They're okay. I have two 1500 piece puzzles hanging on the walls as decor. One in the kitchen, one used to be in the hallway. Now there hangs a collage of wedding photos.

I still have a halfway done Mando puzzle waiting to be finished and put into a frame. Idek where to hang it.

That's it

npt: @rivnedell @evolnoomym @zaddymandalorian @guiltyasdave @djarins-wife

(if you've already done it I'm sorry, it's been a while since this came around)

[five-bi-five-mind]

May I please request, An unsub frames Reader for a lot of murders and reader is arrested and is sentenced to the death penalty. JJ and the team have a small amount of time to prove her innocence. (Jennifer 'JJ' Jareau X reader.)

Lost at Sea (Pt. 1)

Fandom: Criminal Minds

Pairing: Jennifer Jareau x fem!Reader

Word Count: 5.5k+

Summary: This isn’t quite the prompt, but I took a lot of inspiration from this request… JJ feels lost, not knowing at all of what happened. One minute she was finally happy, the next it was all just gone. But then she gets the called. You were in trouble, digging too deep into something you shouldn’t have. Framed for murder, you had a means to prove your innocence, JJ just couldn’t figure out why you were refusing.

Warnings: brief mentions of blood, lots of talk about kind of depression and anger, tons of mentions of a cult and brief mentions of murder (no details though)!

A/N: hi I’m sorry this wasn’t exactly what you asked for but I still wanted to use this request to post my first part as it is what gave me part of the inspiration! So no death penalty mentioned (although reader kinda has her own death sentence rn if you ask me…) also if anyone can guess the video game reference I based the cult around, you should come be my best buddy. (It’s super obvious too 😅…)

Series Master List || Part 2

(Gif not mine; credit to creator)

Part 1: Tides

JJ didn’t feel like herself, not anymore. She had gone through life feeling particularly numb since she started this job, but this was a whole other level. It was like part of her shut completely down, and no matter how hard she tried she couldn’t get feeling back. This numbness was uncomfortable to say the least. 

She wished she could say she didn’t know why she shut down so hard. She wished she could say it was a passing phase, a particularly bad mood that just hadn’t gone away yet, but she knew that wasn’t the case. This feeling was going to last a long while. At this point, it felt like it was going to stick with her for the rest of her life. She couldn’t run from the feeling and she couldn’t chase it away. JJ was just left with this unbearable emptiness.

That’s how JJ found her body moving on autopilot to the gym at such an ungodly hour. No one would be there, that’s why she chose the middle of the night to drive all the way to Quantico and utilize one of its many facilities. So, with her gym bag slung over her shoulder, she made her way to the punching bag that was practically calling out to her. She didn’t bother with standards right now. Any other day she would use hand wraps, gloves, you name it. But tonight she didn’t care. She just wanted to take out her emotions on the bag in front of her, consequences be damned.

So that’s exactly what she did. JJ put her full force into every swing, not stopping for the sting she felt in her knuckles, not stopping to catch a breath, and not stopping to react to the sound of footsteps in the back of the room. She only cared about the feeling it was giving her right now, no attention was paid to the watchful eyes behind her. JJ just kept swinging. 

With sweat coating her skin and her chest heaving, she kept going. Each time her fists made contact with the bag, the satisfying thud of her punch filled her chest with something she couldn’t quite describe. The numbness was still there, but at least there was something else bubbling past it. Anger maybe? Confusion? She could feel it slithering through her veins with each hit. At least it was better than closing herself off again. That’s not what she wanted for herself, but try all she might, she couldn’t stop it from overwhelming her. 

And then she thought about it too much. Thoughts of all the progress she made flooded her mind, thoughts of how she was trying to be something more than what the job had made her. She thought she was being vulnerable, thought she was being what someone else could want and need. Her world had opened up for her for the first time since she didn’t even know when and then suddenly, without reason, without explanation, it was gone. It was just fucking gone. 

If JJ was pulling her punches before, she most certainly wasn’t now. She let out a yell or more like a heartbreaking, pain filled howl into what she thought was an empty room as her fists picked up the pace for a moment. But after that moment was over, after she yelled all she could yell, she slumped forward, catching herself onto the bag to hold herself up as she panted and struggled to catch her breath.

She shut her eyes tight, working on regaining composure. All she heard for a moment was the sound of her breathing and her own pulse pounding in her ears. But then, after just a moment the silence was broken. Not by her, but the silent onlooker. 

“Wow,” the voice said from the back of the room. “Impressive. Mind spotting me?”

JJ stiffened. She didn’t have to turn around to know who was waiting for her. JJ knew the voice well and was cursing herself that she let someone, let alone one of her teammates, see her like this. Grunting, JJ shoved herself off the bag and decided to make her way hastily past her friend. “Sorry, I’m heading home for the night.” She hoped that would be enough for her not to be questioned, but of course it wasn’t. 

“What are you even doing here at this hour?” Tara didn’t even miss a beat. As JJ picked up her gym bag and made her way to the locker rooms, Tara was right on her heels.

“I could ask the same thing,” JJ fired back, still looking ahead as she made her way to her own locker.

“Everyone knows I come here this early.” JJ hadn’t even realized it wasn’t the middle of the night anymore, it was starting to become early morning. 5:30 is what her watch said when she glanced down. She had been working out for a good while then. JJ wondered just how long she was being watched. 

When she made it to her particular locker she sat down on the bench in front of it. Pulling out what she needed to repack into her gym bag and taking out what she would want for later, because she was sure she’d be back at this again before the day was done. This being the only thing that helped the numbing feeling she was drowning in, she thought it might become a more frequent habit. 

JJ was so lost in what she was doing she forgot for a second that Tara was still standing by her with watchful eyes. That is, until they both stopped for a moment to eye the red and purple bruising of her knuckles mixed with the trickle of blood that ran down her hands.

“Okay,” Tara sat down right next to JJ on the locker room bench. “What’s going on with you?”

“I was training,” JJ’s answer was short as she checked out the damage to her hands. 

“I’ve seen training, that was not training,” Tara scoffed. “When you train you're focused, but today you were going to town on that punching bag like it personally offended you.” 

JJ didn’t say anything, just grunted as she continued to look into her knuckles, getting angrier by the minute from the mistreatment she put them through with her so-called “training.” Of course she wasn’t training. She came to blow off some steam, to blow up at something since she couldn’t just scream at an innocent coworker. She didn’t expect Tara to be in the gym getting ready for a work out at the same time. She thought she picked a good time when everyone would be away. Clearly, with the other woman sitting next to her, she was very wrong. It wasn’t even her intention to stay here that long. She just lost track of time. 

“I don’t know what you’re talking about.” JJ’s voice came out a little more bitter than she intended it to, but at the same time, someone was interrupting her much needed alone time. It wasn’t her fault that Tara insisted on being in the line of fire for her bad mood.

“It’s about (Y/N), isn’t it?” JJ’s head snapped up in an instance at that and Tara knew she found her answer. “I knew there was something between you two and my suspicions only grew when I saw you moping around the minute she was gone.” JJ’s whole demeanor changed at this, her tense posture changing to one of defeat. So it was a little obvious huh? Of course it was if her closest friends were profilers. Still, she thought they would mind their own damn business. “So what exactly was going on?”

“We… I was in love, but I guess it’s over now.” JJ’s head hung low as Tara stared expectantly at her. She remained silent, as JJ kept her eyes glued to the floor. If she looked up at her friend’s face what would she find? Shock? Disapproval? Disappointment? She couldn’t take the chance of seeing any of it. If JJ were to be given any other reason to be more ashamed with herself than she already was, she wasn’t sure how she could bear it. It wasn’t like it was exactly a bad thing for you two to be involved with each other, at least not in JJ’s opinion. But you also were often called as a consultant on cases since Reid was gone and it felt almost as if you were becoming a permanent member of the team. You had worried it would look bad for JJ if people knew she was having a fling with someone she frequently worked with, so the two of you decided to wait before going public. 

“How long?” Was all Tara whispered into the stillness of the locker room. “How long were you two…” she drifted off. JJ hadn’t named what it was, just admitted that it was something and that there were feelings involved. At least on JJ’s side, that is. It seemed to the outside eye, given the circumstances, that you didn’t feel the same or at least JJ didn’t know if you did or not. Either way, Tara wasn’t about to name what you two had herself, she’d leave that to JJ. Let her share what she felt she could. It must have been important though, at least in Tara’s opinion, if it was affecting her friend so visibly. Tara might have been newer to the team, but from early on she learned that the blonde was usually a closed book. 

“I’m not sure really,” JJ mumbled as she nervously rubbed at her bloodied knuckles. “A few months maybe? It didn’t really have a start date. She came in for one case then another and each time we got closer and closer until…”

“Until you fell in love?” Tara offered.

“Yeah,” JJ finally looked up to meet Tara’s eyes. “It didn’t end when I realized I loved her though.” JJ continued to rub at hands nervously. She didn’t miss the way Tara flicked her eyes from her own to her knuckles, no doubt reading her for whatever scrap of emotion JJ failed to hide. Even while JJ was caught in a more vulnerable position by her friend and coworker, she was still quick to guard herself, only giving Tara what she already knew was too late to hide again. “I didn’t run this time, but I never told her,” JJ let out a bitter chuckle. “For all that we face, that’s what terrified me most. Maybe it’s because I waited too long.” 

“It’s not easy,” Tara’s hand fell onto JJ’s shoulder. “We’re taught to close ourselves off from the emotions that come with seeing what we see every day for our job, but sometimes we can carry that over into our personal lives.” 

“I tried,” JJ shut her eyes tight for a moment, willing her voice to stay steady as she was hit with so much pain. “I tried with her. She was the first person I ever did that for. But she still- she just…”

“Disappeared.” JJ could hear the irritation in Tara’s voice with that one word too. It wasn’t just her that was upset, it was everyone. No one got an answer for why you disappeared. No one got even the smallest goodbye. Not even JJ, who had thought for sure her feelings were reciprocated. But it could never work out like that, right? Not with who JJ is, not with the depressing and dark nature of her job that you somehow got dragged into. 

Everyone grew attached to you the moment you agreed to be a consultant for the BAU. You were bright, you were happy, your pep once rivaled Garcia’s. But then it started to fade slower and slower. No one else saw, but JJ sure did and she would lie awake for countless nights next to you, wondering what to do to bring that light back. She never did figure it out, and she would be lying if she didn’t expect you to leave, but she had hoped you loved her enough to figure it out. What she didn’t expect was for you to up and disappear without a word. 

At first, JJ was worried. It felt like her worst nightmares came to life, that you were kidnapped by some unsub she didn’t know about. Then, as she dug to find out where you might have gone she realized from your credit card purchase history, it was unmistakably you still using it. It was clear you were trying to get away, and all she could assume from the sudden radio silence was that you were trying to get away from her.

The two agents sat in silence on the locker room bench for a moment. Both going over so many different things in their minds. JJ’s mind spiraling for the millionth time on your leaving and Tara’s running over every possible reason you could’ve just up and left without even a goodbye. Maybe JJ and you weren’t out in the open, but Tara clocked that there was something more between you two the moment she saw the way you looked at each other. So the real question for her was, how could you break JJ’s heart like that? You didn’t seem like the type to just ghost a girl, let alone the whole team. Something else was going on, Tara felt it deep in her bones. She just didn’t know what, but she did know that JJ was too clouded with heartbreak to see it that way just yet.

Suddenly, Tara’s phone breaks both their spiraling trains of thought. The caller ID flashes with Emily’s name and immediately Tara accepts, knowing that if it was this early in the day, then it was absolutely urgent. 

There’s a brief greeting before she fell silent to listen to what Emily had to say. Muttering a “uh huh” a few times before the expression on her face grew more somber. 

JJ could hear how frantic Emily sounded on the other end, but couldn’t make out the words she was saying. Fortunately, JJ didn’t have to wait long before Tara removed the phone from her ear and clicked end on the call.

JJ was holding her breath for Tara’s next words, but she had no idea why. Tara’s face was unreadable, but JJ just had this intuition that something bad was happening. 

“It’s (Y/N).” Tara’s tone was grim. “She’s in trouble.” 

—------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

It took very little time for the team to devise a plan with the limited information they had after the news broke. JJ felt like her whole body was vibrating as she ran around the BAU trying to put out this new fire. And calling this situation a “fire” was an understatement. It was more like a gigantic explosion. Like her whole world was burning to the ground. 

Wanted for murder. Being held on at least three charges. That was ridiculous to say the least, but obviously the police had some strong evidence against you. JJ was going to fight this for you, she just had to learn how.

It didn’t matter to JJ why you left the minute she got the news. It didn’t matter how much heartache you gave her, how you brought her walls back up full force the minute you disappeared. Nothing mattered right now but getting you out of jail. JJ couldn’t begin to imagine the fear you felt. She knew you well, she knew you were innocent. In learning all she did, there was never one moment where she questioned your innocence in all this, and from what she saw of her team, they all agreed. So pain aside she was going to save you, the whole BAU was. 

That’s how she found herself speeding down the highway with Rossi behind the wheel, almost as anxious as she was. And that’s how she found herself letting Rossi take the lead, bursting into the federal jail and flashing credentials before anyone could even blink. 

Mere minutes was all it took for the people of the jail to set you up in an interrogation room so that JJ and Rossi could meet with you and get to the bottom of this garbage fire. The minute JJ saw you practically pushed into the room, she had to hold back a gasp at your appearance. You looked basically dead on your feet. Your face was incredibly pale, your eyes sunken and dark. JJ knew you well and guessed it had been a good while since you slept or even ate for that matter. She had to get you out of here, and from the brief glance she shared with Rossi, she knew he was thinking the exact same thing. 

When you both sat down, JJ let Rossi take the lead, lest she give away too much of her emotions. The switch from being overwhelmingly numb to incredibly furious hit the minute she saw your face. Not that she was furious at you. Hurt by you still, definitely. But not angry. No, she was angry at the people who put you here. Couldn’t they see that the innocent girl they had locked up like a monster wasn’t capable of any of this? 

“What are we doing here, (Y/N)?” Rossi was finally the first to speak. JJ’s nails were digging into her knees as she sat rigid on the seat across from you. She couldn’t bear to meet your eyes, even for a second so hers darted everywhere across the room but your face and yours seemed to do the same. Never in her life did JJ think she’d be terrified of an interrogation room, she was more than familiar with them by now, but there’s a first for everything. 

“I was poking around where I shouldn’t have…” you finally spoke. Your voice was quiet, hesitant, broken. It was the first words JJ has heard in weeks after begging whatever higher power would listen to let her hear it one more time. Her stomach twisted at the inkling of happiness she got from hearing you again, even if it was in such a small, pained tone. 

“I’ll say,” Rossi scoffed. “Poking around is a light way to put it if you’re here on multiple murder charges.” 

“I-“

“She didn’t hurt anybody.” JJ snapped before you could even begin to answer. 

“I know,” Rossi put his hands up in mock surrender. “I know that, you know that. We just have to convince them…” Rossi motioned to the room around them as if to mean the jail as a whole, “That this girl sitting next to us couldn’t hurt a fly.” Rossi leaned back on his chair and gave JJ a knowing look before turning his gaze back to you. He offered you a friendly smile and folded his hands back on the table. “Now, I’ll ask again. What are we doing here?”

“Do you remember months ago, when you investigated a cult? You called me in as a consultant, but before I could dig deeper you had already decided to rule out the cult…” you waited for a moment to make sure they were listening and knew of the group you spoke of. Rossi gave you an encouraging nod and you continued. “I didn’t stop digging and I found… everything.” 

“(Y/N), after that case I told you to leave it the hell alone.” JJ growled, nails digging harder into her knees as she struggled to keep it together.  “They’re a dangerous group to be mixed up in.” 

“Isn’t every cult?” Rossi interjected, before turning back to you. “So you continued to dig into this cult we ran into. What was it called… something stupid…” 

“The Chant.” You and JJ both say at once. JJ shot you an annoyed look at your eagerness to share all you know about the cult. JJ had begged Emily not to call you to consult on this, but you were the best in your field. A PhD in religious studies, specializing in ritual practice and folk religion, of course Emily was going to call. You were their go-to on religion based cases, without you they would’ve missed some key motives and insight into certain unsubs. JJ was always nervous, but also so proud to see you working with her work family. It was different, though, with this case. Something deep inside JJ screamed at her to keep you away from this group at all costs.

The team determined that the murders they were investigating were a deadend, but suspected the cult. It was just that every lead they had ended up going nowhere. Eventually, they had to move on. You were incredibly against just leaving and letting them be. JJ and the rest of the team had to practically drag you away. 

For what it was worth, you weren’t the only one who wanted to continue investigating them, Alvez did too. With his approval that only fueled your mission more to overturn every stone and uncover every clue, but it was JJ’s practical begging that had you finally turn away. Something, none of the team questioned. They may not have known that you two were more than friends, and on any other day maybe they’d be curious as to why you backed down so easily all of a sudden. However, most of the team was just relieved JJ could convince you. That alone told JJ she wasn’t the only one who didn’t like you sniffing around this Chant group. 

“But digging around on a dangerous cult usually gets you killed, not incarcerated.” Rossi commented as he continued to put the puzzle pieces together. 

“It was a clever move on their part,” you offer dryly.

 “They were already under suspicion for murder. One more body, one more step closer to getting shut down.” Rossi put the puzzle pieces together. 

“Exactly,” you nodded. “But I got too close, found out too much and I wasn’t exactly careful…”

“Of course you weren’t,” JJ scowled. 

You just ignored her and continued. “I knew they figured out I was looking into them when some of them showed up to a lecture I was giving, badly disguised might I add. They wear these crystals they can never take off without breaking a major law within their group. It’s a dead giveaway and-“ 

“We can go over the details of the cult later,” Rossi interrupted, not wanting to reveal too much in a monitored space. “You still haven’t answered how they put you here.” 

“Right right,” you took a deep breath before going back to your story. “When I saw them at my lecture, I knew they’d follow me. I know how they work, how they pick their victims, how they deal with those who know too much. I know what they do, not just to the person, but their whole family so on that day I knew what I had to do. I couldn’t let them follow me to-“ your eyes flick to JJ and you stop for a moment. “I couldn’t let them follow me home, so instead I just ran. What I didn’t expect was them to use my office to plant evidence in my absence and get me arrested.”

“So you fleeing… that just looks like you’re running from the cops and not running from a crazy, murderous cult.” Rossi finally connected the last piece. He seemed almost triumphant in this revelation.

“They have solid evidence against me,” you hung your head low. “The Chant is crafty.”

“They’ve got bullshit,” Rossi snorted. “Compared to what we deal with everyday, proving your innocence is child’s play.” You searched Rossi’s eyes for any sign of doubt but his facial expression was unwavering as he sat on the other side of the table from you. Finally, you chanced a short glance at JJ’s face, but it was her eyes that told you a different story than Rossi’s. It was her eyes that betrayed Rossi’s confident declaration. She didn’t believe him. “The whole team is on this case for you, kid. Give us a little bit of time, we’ll get you back home.”

Home. Regardless of getting out, could you even go home? Go back to a life where you could continue to be in love with JJ and build a future together? No, you didn’t think so. The cult would hunt you until either you were dead or all their members were. Considering this cult has been around since the 70s, discreetly murdering people for decades, you didn’t think the second option was very likely. You weren’t safe at home and more importantly, JJ wasn’t safe near you. But you weren’t even safe in jail, knowing the cult had eyes everywhere. Your only option, when you get out of here, was to hide again. Not much of a future? Maybe, but at least you were surviving until you could find a solid way to expose the Chant.

In a perfect world, this whole mess would lead to you blowing the case on the cult wide open and running back into the arms of your beautiful, blonde, hero that was currently sitting across from you with the most heartbreaking expression you’ve ever seen. But that was in a perfect world. You meant it when you said they were crafty and you also knew you really fucked up. Yes, you learned almost all there was to learn about the Chant, but you weren’t careful and you’re pretty sure they were able to learn almost all there was to learn about you in return. Hopefully, they hadn’t learned of the little secret relationship you had with the girl sitting across from you. Part of you thought they surely couldn’t, especially when you didn’t think the team knew. A larger part of you doubted that, but couldn’t take that chance. 

Rossi and JJ both noticed your silence when Rossi mentioned you going home. To anyone else, hearing the BAU was on the case and you’d be going home would’ve garnered some sort of positive reaction, but JJ saw through your silence. There was a lot more to this than they had uncovered yet, JJ could tell from just looking into your eyes. It wasn’t that you didn’t believe that they could get you home, JJ knew that you understood the skill and success their team had. It wasn’t that you wanted to stay in jail. JJ knew you were smart enough to know that being here wouldn’t protect you like the team could protect you. No, it was something else. Something that made the little voice in the back of her mind scream at her that it was her that you wanted to be away from her, but she pushed that voice back. She didn’t have all the pieces to this puzzle yet, but she was going to find them. 

For the next few hours JJ and Rossi spent the time with you pouring over any detail they could pry out of you. Neither of them missed the way you held back on a lot of their questions or the way your eyes darted around the room, trying to discover who else might be watching. When JJ was given some other files requested, she read through them thoroughly while you and Rossi went over a few more details to the evidence they found. Then, JJ stopped when she looked at the details from one of the murders. The date and time is what caught her eye and she immediately shot up in her chair. 

“This is it!” She slapped the file back down onto the table and her eyes burned with triumph as she waited for you to look at the file. You and Rossi glanced at it for a moment before both silently looking up at her for more of an explanation. “Look at the time frame for this murder,” JJ tapped her finger right where it said the time. “You have an alibi for this one. Wait actually…” JJ shuffled through the other murder charges, checking the date and time for each. “You have one for all of them.” 

You sat back, crossing your arms to your chest and giving her a stern look. This was it, you were hoping she wouldn’t have noticed, but it was JJ and she was good at her job. Of course she would notice. “Jennifer…” you warned. 

“(Y/N), you were with-”

“Don’t.” 

JJ’s jaw snapped shut when you cut her off with a voice harsher than she’s ever heard directed towards her. JJ stood up at that, chair scraping loudly against the hard floor of the interrogation room. “What? Why didn’t you tell them you had an alibi?” JJ’s voice grew louder as she accused you. This could’ve all been avoided if you just told them you were with another BAU agent the night the investigators placed the time of death. No one would question your alibi if you just said something. So why didn’t you? “Do you think I care if they know? (Y/N), just tell them, all those nights you and I were-”

“Stop!” You pleaded. If she said the words out loud, you weren’t sure if all who were listening to them were to be trusted. Yes, you had a solid alibi, but it could’ve put her in danger if the cult knew about JJ. It was bad enough now that JJ knew the cult was what drove you away and landed you in jail, there was no doubt in your mind that JJ wouldn’t try to start some wild hunt for them if you didn’t find some way to convince her to back off. But if the cult knew about how important she was to you? In all honesty, they might already, but there was still a chance they didn’t and you held onto that hope that she was still somewhat safe from the mess you got yourself into.

JJ’s hands slamming on the table in front of you is what sent you back to reality from your inner turmoil about keeping JJ safe. “I don’t care if they know.” JJ emphasized every single word. Obviously, that wasn’t what this was about, but for JJ’s sake hopefully that’s all she thought it was. If she thought for a moment that you were trying to protect her she’d scoff in your face and risk her safety to prove a point that she didn’t need your protection. She was strong, sure, but from what you learned, the cult was immensely powerful and you didn’t think the BAU team’s strength combined would be enough to take them down until you could devise a plan on your own. “We’re using that alibi and you’re going home.”

“No. I am not.” You demanded through gritted teeth. There’s no way in hell. The minute you use that to get yourself free, the Chant will get their hands on it and use this piece of information against you. “JJ, I don’t want to do that.”

“I don’t give a fuck!” JJ practically took a fist full of the files as she began to turn from the table and storm out of the room. 

“JJ, wait a minute!” Rossi jumped up behind her. “Maybe we should listen to her reason about-”

“I don’t give a damn about reason.” JJ turned on him quick, a storm of anger and frustration brewing in her eyes. “(Y/N) and I were together for each of these times of death. She wasn’t alone in her home, she was with me for the whole night, each night. We’re together and I’m pretty sure there’s footage on my security cameras proving the times of her coming and leaving my place.” JJ turned back around, files clutched tightly to her chest. “We’re using this alibi and you’re going home with me. You won’t stay here another minute longer than you have to. I’ll see to that.” JJ’s voice was shaking in anger as she said her last words.

You watched helplessly as Rossi shot you a concerned look before following JJ out. You slumped back in your chair while you waited for someone to escort you back out.

Well, this wasn’t good. You knew that you’d be found innocent at some point, but you thought it would be awhile. Afterall, when you made that phone call to Emily for help, you begged and pleaded for her to keep it to herself and get some outside help. Of course, that is the exact opposite of what happened. You should’ve known. The BAU were fiercely loyal to each other and you underestimate the degree in which they adopted you into their little work family. 

You had hoped that in the time it took Emily to help you out, you’d have come up with a plan to get distance from JJ again for her own safety while you tried to figure out your next move against the cult. Of course, that all went to shit with the stubborn insistence of the blonde. Honestly, you weren’t shocked. 

This wasn’t going to go the way you wanted it to, it already took a horrible turn. Deep down, though, you feared the worst was yet to come. 

tag list:@mmmmokdok @demonicbaby666 @daddy-jareau @geekyandgay98

[cosmic-ships]

First off Do Not Reblog (options are screwy rn)

Going through my Kylo tag (on my own blog) and I am feeling all of the feelings for my darling husband right now.

He's just so gah everything! Oops I gushed sjsnkssn

He just gives me butterflies in my stomach and a fluttery heart in my chest. He really is my source of immense safety and comfort.

He really is my soul mate, the only regret that I've ever had was that I didn't pursue him sooner. I tried (when I seen tfa in theater) but back then I was dumb and saw that tons of other people were liking him and thus I felt inferior and didn't pursue. How stupid I was. (Also I thought it would just be a fleeting crush..idiot)

Because I'm not inferior, I am his everything, his universe, his heart and home as he is mine and even though we are separated by different universes I feel so deeply interwoven into his life and I feel such a strong and magnetic connection with him.

He makes me feel strong, like I can take on anything and everything and do so without fear stopping me, he makes me believe in myself.

I said it before and you're damn right I'm going to say it again, he broke a three year streak of depression and loneliness.

I got so used to seeing this world in grey. It was lifeless. I was lifeless. I'd smile but I never meant it, never smiled with my eyes. I wasn't creating anything. I was just droning on autopilot throughout the day anticipating when I can go to sleep and not feel this weight of sadness. I never wanted to wake up, it was a chore, a burden. I stopped feeling. I didn't like anyone or love anyone (in a romantic sense anyways) I felt numb, the epitome of "dead on the inside." I never did anything with my whole heart in it..

Kylo did something, he reignited my spark of life, happiness, and love. I caught myself smiling more and laughing. Not the half assed smiles and obligated laughter, real smiles and laughter. Laughter i could feel bubble in my chest and smiles that reached up into my eyes.

I got so many ideas and my creativity came back as I explored those ideas. My world exploded back into colour again, I got excited to wake up in the morning and got excited for days ahead of me. I started to take care of myself again.

All because I re-found Kylo. It might have been a little later than expected but I found him and he found me, he found me at my lowest, my numbest, and he stayed, loved me just as I was and reassured me that it wasn't something fleeting, that he wasn't going anywhere. He was here to stay and he watched me flourish~

I will never stop being grateful to him, my husband saved me in every conceivable way possible.

So when I say he means everything to me, I'm not just saying it because he's my f/o. No, he extended far beyond that term, to me he is real, he is real and he is my soul mate, the one I am destined to spend the rest of my life with.

As I've always said and will continue to say, he's my heart, my soul, and my home. 💜

So to the love of my life, I love you, with every fiber of my being, you mean more to me than mere words can ever describe, my feelings and love for you transcend anything I could possibly put into words, my darling Ben, you're my universe and all the stars and planets in-between~

[hihimissamericanbi]

celineeeeee gimme that lost in the woods prompt PLEASE 😌

Help all i can think about is the song from Frozen II why did i do this to myself ok.

Again, this got out of hand and is very stream of consciousness so, under the cut we go.

I apologize because i don't think you are a drarry girlie but to me, this has auror partners harry and draco with a draco POV and he is so pining and pathetic written all over it. we get a very brief setup where we as readers can TOTALLY tell harry likes him back, but Draco is just too wet kitteh to see it.

The mission goes wrong, it's very scary, harry does his big protective powerful harry bit that makes draco's knees weak, but now they are lost and wandless and it's getting dark. harry is powerful and is able to at least transfigure some sort of shelter and blankets and conjure small fire with wandless magic, but a proper heating charm won't hold without a wand. they need to camp out for the night until they can figure out a way to make contact with the ministry.

well, harry tells draco, very blunt and matter of fact, they need to sleep naked and under the covers together so they don't die of hypothermia. harry is a survivor, he kinda goes on autopilot, and draco thinks this means nothing to harry whereas he, draco, is FREAKING THE FUCK OUT over here. he can't believe his eyes as he watches the savior strip all the way down until he's nothing by miles of bare skin, glowing golden in the firelight, cut abs and thick thighs and body hair and battle scars and oh my salazar look at that COCK that draco wants to worship. harry holds eye contact the whole time, and is there something heated in that gaze beyond just the urgency of "do this so we don't die"? Draco strips and harry's eyes track down his naked body and back up. Draco has to use every ounce of energy he has left not to let his dick jump the way it wants to under harry's gaze.

They slide under the covers, shivering, panting from the cold. the fire crackles and draco can hear every inhale, exhale from the man mere inches from him, naked and glorious and everything he's ever wanted.

They stiffly bid each other goodnight, but when draco turns away, harry spoons up behind him.

draco freezes. "potter, what---"

"i told you, we need skin-to-skin contact to preserve body heat."

draco is so so glad he's not the one spooning harry, or harry would be getting jabbed in the ass by Draco's very eager erection rn.

he feels harry's warm breaths on his neck, holds himself painfully still, trying not to mess this up, this one opportunity he has to be in harry's arms. Pretend, just for a moment, that it means something.

harry snakes a hand around draco's torso until he has Draco's pale hand clasped gently in his own.

"I must not tell lies" glows in sharp relief against the dying yellow flames.

Draco feels a soft kiss pressed to the back of his neck, so gentle, almost hesitant.

"Potter?" malfoy squeaks

potter sighs, sending more heat ghosting across draco's skin, making him shiver. "i just. i just want to protect you. and today, i thought... nevermind."

"no, what?"

"Today i thought i'd lost you, and when we made it out of there by some miracle, i realized i did not want to go another day without telling you"

Draco strokes him thumb over the raised marks of the scars on the back of harry's hand

"tell me what?" draco whispers.

Harry holds draco tighter, rolls him over to his back so harry is propped up over him. his eyes are so green and fierce and in that moment, draco knows, and feels it in his body, and in harry's body as they both finally let themselves give in to what they want, let their bodies show their desire, cocks hardening against their thighs, pulse racing, skin aflame everywhere they touch...

Harry brushes a lock of hair from Draco's face.

"I want you." He licks his lips, breathes. "I want all of you. I'm fucking greedy and i know it and i'm not sorry but. i want every single piece of you, draco malfoy, inside and out. please. please, won't you let me show you?"

Draco can only gasp, words entirely stuck in his throat

"please, i'll make you feel so good. let me fuck you. let me, please, i need," the words are pressed into the crook of draco's neck, soft, wet kisses pressed between each one, "I need to make you feel half of what i feel."

Harry Potter, needy and begging.

"Oh, my darling," draco can only sigh. "Don't you know?" he pulls harry up, licks slowly and purposefully into his mouth, lets their kiss fill them both up until they are floating over darkened treetops. "I'm already yours."

~~

oops looks like i forgot the smut ok they fuck hot and slow and it's really intense. harry blows draco first because he wasn't kidding when he said he wanted nothing more than to make draco feel good (he's a service top like his daddy) and then harry opens draco up on his fingers and turns him over and pushes inside with draco completely prone beneath him, harry draped entirely over every inch of his body like he can press his whole self inside draco and live there the rest of his life.

they drift off, wake up, fuck again in the dark, then the next time they open their eyes it's to find Weasley's freckled face leaning over them, haloed in the bright morning light filtering through the trees, and saying "oh thank merlin."

harry: "yeah, thank merlin you found us."

ron: "no, thank merlin you both finally got together. we knew where you were the whole time, but hermione thought it would be prudent to see where the night took you before dragging you both home. cheers to what looks like a very successful night!"

[liliallowed]

I think we should stop talking about weight loss or gain. that shits both personal and subjective.

instead let's be proud of taking care of our health and our body without the need to specify the details.

I'm eating well. I'm healthy and I go for small walks! that's great!

i have been told many times that exercise can brighten up your mood... uhm they're wrong. it won't.

not unless you're in a good mood. which kinda beats the whole argument 😂.

again I won't pretend to be some role model or give cliche advice. it's just me sharing my experience.

going for a walk makes it worse for me... but I think it has been a while since I went to go for a walk because I simply... wanted to? it has always been a chore or an obligation because I'm responsible for my health so I must force myself to fuck off and go for a walk I never enjoy.

I always thought of it as "the cure" or like medicine.

it's really not. specially when you force yourself.

sure it regulates blood its supposed to help you loosen up but uhm... not if every time your heart is about to burst out of your chest with anxiety.

if I'm having a bad day my mood brightens up when I disassociate to music and animations.

it's like a small brain reset. it's probably not healthy but with walking my brain gets over stimulated and bored at the same time.

walking makes it worse. unless I listen to music.

but then I'd walk straight into a car accident so we can't exactly rely on autopilot lili to run this body while I go daydreaming 😂.

I dunno. I never really found fitness gun unless I was in a good mood.

right now I'm glad I'm in that mood to do it!

idk how my brain did it or what I did to make this feeling magically manifest but I suddenly don't feel like wanting to flop on the floor all day! yay???

brain I fucking hate you. you mean to tell me neurotypical people feel like they can do stuff and just ... DO IT!?. like this feeling I'm having rn due to the meds?

BRAIN FUCK YOU.

but also like thanks for working a lil better.

it's okay buddy I know you're like an unbalanced dark souls playable characters.

you magic stat is off the charts but your stamina and defense is 0 with avrage speed and agility...

BUT YOU'RE OVERPOWERED IN MAGIC ABD WOULD BEAT GOD...

if you could walk.

yeah. don't worry I see your strength brain. but can we please remember to appreciate these small steps?

look I'm probably not going to feel like this forever.

idk what makes my executive decide to function but right now it's in the mood to do it.

SO MAKE IT FUCKING COUNT!

[iwritenarrativesandstuff]

Trigun Stampede Episode 1 Reaction

Ok here goes. Idk how entertaining I'll be but... you know. This is mostly because I am having a weird time of things rn. Also, I have no background knowledge of this series whatsoever asides from that it might be a western and there was a 90s series and manga also, so if you're an og fan and this is painful... I am sorry lol.

But without further ado, let's go!

Oh. We're in space. ...ok then!

Well this just went poorly. Rip cryo-people.

Noooo mom :(

Ok so I can't tell; is the ship on autopilot or is Nai piloting it, because if it's the latter - you go, little guy, you got skill.

Cannot explain how funny this is. "I would like to use my communication skills more! I would like to make a positive impact!" <- every resumé ever if you want to get a job lol. Birth place "December"... interesting. There's also a "November" and a "July". Why all names of the months? But it's also May, like, temporally - is that not a bit confusing for people? I don't know what "PE081" means as a birth date... also she is. Tiny. Smol, even.

Ah, young idealist, older cynic dynamic. Always pretty fun.

These two have now both shoved papers in each other's faces. Whipping your coworker in the face with a well-timed paper can be a form of affection... I think?

HJHFBSJHC??????

Are none of them... warm? In these outfits? In the desert?

Bro's arm just fell off. "There it goes" Does this happen a lot to you sir???

Our protagonist, everyone.

"He's evil and destructive" Have you... looked at him. Like, don't judge a book by its cover but. Have you looked at him?

^He has kicked puppy energy.

I have nothing to say. Just look at this.

Map! I love maps!

Sand ocean??? Like there's no oceans? How do they get water??? Odd that July is here but not December or November. I'm assuming these are three of the "seven cities"? What are the other four? Are they also month-themed? Also some of these names are real funny. These people naming their towns and cities like "Creepy Valley" and "Stinky Lakeside". Actually seems quite normal to me tbh. And we are in Jeneora Rock atm it seems. Is it going to update as we go? That'd be cool! :D

Hjdfhvdjh he just stayed tied up for. Some reason. Roberto's face 😂

Oh, huh. Plants are. Biological organisms and not power plants. Like I assumed. So they were made but can't be made anymore because they don't have the knowledge or the technology? Odd...

His bounty is about the same as a new plant... how convenient...

Ok I know I said 'kicked puppy energy' earlier but you don't have to actually kick him...

Boy really does not want to hurt anyone :( (Hmmm now I'm starting to think he probably has at some point...)

Damn, that's some quick thinking Roberto.

Meryl: "Idk senpai this guy seems like he sucks" hjfhgnvj

Aw, buddy. Dropping the goofiness as soon as the crowd can't see him anymore :(

Hey I just realized his jacket has "SEEDS" on the arm like the spaceship! But he didn't have the coat when he got ejected so...... I'm sure I will find out later.

You guys cannot hear the quiet giggling I'm making right now. This shot plus the music - I was right about the western genre apparently, it's just on another planet.

BRO????? Where'd you pull the rocket launcher from?????? Wtf????? Why would you do that?????

Ah. He's lost his mind.

Roberto just bodily flinging Meryl into the alley ahdfihvs

He's out of bullets??? 😭

...he's crying.

Dang Meryl, you got a great throwing arm!

Oh shit. Yeah, I had a feeling he was actually extremely competent. He's holding back on purpose.

NO FRICKIN WAY. ONE BULLET WAS ALL HE NEEDED???

Ok now the animators are just showing off.

Oh. Hm. I was wondering where Nai went and. Hm. Yeah the whole accomplice thing might explain Vash's reticence to actually fight. His brother killed Rem? Yikes. He did offer his hand out to her at the beginning though... idk did he really mean for her to die along with the others? The music is hauntingly beautiful btw!

...his name is Millions Knives?

Aaaand that's a wrap on that! I'm intrigued and I feel like this episode answered absolutely nothing but raised a whole lot of questions, which is, well, what a first episode should do. The animation is really sharp geez. I generally prefer 2D animation but there's a lot of character to the expressions and motions - I think they really pulled it off!

Until next episode!

[definitelynotshouting]

Hello :DD I had sm Thoughts about this chapter, if your intent was to leave all your readers laying in a pool of tears u have succeeded 👍

-☀️

"He'd assumed, by virtue, that Mumbo was keeping himself out of the loop. Apparently not."

- GRIAN. HE TRIED TO TALK TO YOU TWO CHAPTERS AGO AND YOU IGNORED HIM.

- Also like how when we circle back to this point at the end of the chapter- Mumbo brings it up, Mumbo apologises- Grian lies and goes through the conversation "on autopilot", forcing himself to register absolutely NONE of the emotion so that when he goes through with his plan he can have this degree of separation- (if that's what you call it?). Just like how right here he's ignoring/selectively forgetting the fact that Mumbo did try to talk to him

-☀️

"some of the wariness clouding around them begins to clear, burning down into an ashen, sickly relief."

- I chose this one because of the "burning" metaphor. It creates this imagery of something akin to a wildfire when Grian's actions were first revealed. Emotions were blazing with fury, grief, confusion, horror and betrayal. It's all still there, but muted. For Mumbo specifically and how he initially reacted when G woke up the metaphor makes it feel like Mumbo completely burnt himself out with how he felt about everything. What's left behind in an ashen log, a carcass ready to collapse into dust at the next breeze.

-☀️

"A relieved Mumbo is a Mumbo protected against someone he can't save."

- "Someone he can't save", meaning mumbo being unable to save grian, but dually meaning that Grian doesnt believe he can be saved- not by himself, not even by his best friend. He's tried, tried to stop making the games, tried to live off of MCC. It didn't work; he's stopped trying to save himself.

-☀️

First batch!! Also, u mentioned this a while ago now but have u ended up going to that cafe you mentioned?

incredibly excited to receive your thoughts sun anon!!!! :D im so glad you liked this chapter and yes i was maybe banking on a LOT of tears over it ngl >:]

Grian's deeply unreliable narrator-ness makes me SO insane tbh, im so obsessed with how he very deliberately ignores things that dont fit into his personal narrative. Like ur objectively right Mumbo DID try to talk to him!!!!! But in Grian's head, that doesnt support his "i am doing this for everyone's greater good" agenda, so he dismisses it. Same as the gold farm-- Scar actually mentioned it to him all the way back in chapter 5, but when Mumbo asks if he knew, he insinuates that he wasnt told, without actually confirming or denying. Its a fun little tidbit that i enjoyed adding-- i really like highlighting just how unreliable Grian's perspective is rn wrt reality :]

I am SO happy you enjoyed that burning metaphor-- its definitely attached to that wildfire imagery, but its also attached to the concept of cooking for me too!!! The idea of letting something simmer down and thicken, except its burning, was very integral to that snippet ^.^

And yep!!! That was 100% what i was going for with the saving comment :] im so happy you enjoyed those, and i cant wait to see the other stuff you liked!!! Your inbox comments are a highlight of my day, truly❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰

(also i did get to go to my cafe a few weeks ago!!! i was supposed to again yesterday, but alas i woke up with some bad allergy symptoms so i ended up laid up in bed instead 😭😭😭😭 hopefully i can go again next week, especially bc i have a very good friend visiting and i'd love to show it to them :] thanks for asking :D )