#matthew just being there and looking so tame

[wannabehockeygf]

So much to unpack in this photo fuck I can’t stop staring at it

[babysukiii]

fallingforyou (3)

// lottie matthew’s does not like you. you’re annoying, preppy, and way too nice. lottie doesn’t fail to show you time after time just how much she hates you. you finally get the message and steer clear of her, until senior year, when you both get paired up for a science project. //

warnings: asshole!lottie, sweet!reader, pining, mutual pining, oblivious!reader, hints of underage drinking, lowkey jealous lottie if you squint, lottie is an idiot

(this is part 3, you can read part 2 here, and part 1 here)

on this night and in this light (i think i’m falling)

“don’t you think we should be, i don’t know, actually working?” lottie questions sardonically, and you turn your head to scowl at her from where you’re laying on the rug in your room. a new episode of sabrina the teenage witch was playing and you were excitedly watching it. “shut up! sabrina is talking!” you hiss warningly, causing the yellowjackets sweeper to roll her eyes in annoyance, while you turn your gaze back to the tv. “why didn’t you tell me you were going to be doing this the whole time? i would’ve just gone home.” it’s a blatant lie, but you don’t know that, and lottie doesn’t want to tell you otherwise.

you scoff, “yeah, sure. after the way you acted when i cancelled yesterday? you’re stuck here now.” the comment is supposed to annoy lottie, but it doesn’t. it doesn’t annoy her at all, the thought of being stuck here with you. lottie blinks rapidly, trying to shove that thought so far away, she’ll never have to deal with it again. “you don’t like sabrina?” you ask, gesturing to the tv, and lottie shakes her head. “i don’t really watch tv.” she mutters her response, making you furrow your brows and laugh lightly. “seriously? aren’t your parents loaded? i thought you’d have a huge theater where you watch all your favorite shows and movies.” you tease her, causing her to glower in your direction.

“you thought wrong.” she retorts, but there’s something in her tone that you can’t quite place. you can sense the shift in demeanor, but you don’t press the subject. lottie is like an animal you’re trying to tame. she could snap at any moment for any reason. you know lottie is like this for a reason; you can’t help but wonder if maybe her mother is just as angry as her. or perhaps her father has a temper. “well, either way… it’s been kind of nice having you over.” you start cautiously, and lottie looks over at you; her tenebrous gaze meeting yours.

“i just mean, i get lonely sometimes even though i’m here with my siblings all the time. it’s nice to have someone to spend time with.” you ramble, and lottie’s eyes seem to soften in a way you’ve never seen before. “i like being here with you too.” lottie says before she can think twice, taking not only herself by surprise, but you as well. a faint blush creeps onto your face, and lottie takes in how pretty you are. before either of you can say anything else, your older sister barges through your bedroom door, causing you to jump.

lottie looks annoyed at the intrusion, and she sends a scowl the older girls way. elise stares at you for a moment, furrowing her brows as she notices how flushed your cheeks are. she can nearly feel the tension in the room. “mom said dinners ready. she served your friend a plate.” the eighteen year old comments, flashing you a knowing look. you nod, “okay! be there in a minute.” you aimlessly respond, trying to keep your eyes away from your sisters. you do everything to stop blushing but it doesn’t seem to work. elise reluctantly leaves without saying anything else, and lottie clears her throat.

“i feel bad your mom has been setting an extra plate for me. i didn’t even ask if it was okay…” lottie trails off, insecurity laced throughout her tone. you shake your head quickly in protest, “my mom likes you! she thinks your nice, and she doesn’t mind.” you assure her, “besides, my dad always works super late so he never eats with us. there’s always an extra seat.” you ramble a bit, and lottie feels a bunch of mini starbursts in her chest; going off rapidly one by one. she swallows thickly, “thanks.” she doesn’t know what else to say and internally cringes at her response. you get up, flashing her a little grin that causes her belly to flip in an uncomfortable way.

“come on, matthew’s, before my mom gets pissed.” you taunt, waiting for her to get up from her seat on your bed. she follows you out of your room, chuckling slightly, “i can’t imagine your mom angry. she’s so tiny.” lottie makes you giggle, “trust me, she can be terrifying. have you ever heard that shorter people are more likely be evil because they’re close to hell?” your retort sounds serious, which makes it even more hilarious, and lottie can’t help but burst out laughing. you giggle as well, and you don’t even realize elise and your mother are staring at you both with inscrutable looks.

you and lottie aimlessly take a seat beside each other, and lottie smiles at your mother. “thank you, mrs. l/n. this smells delicious.” she says politely, and your mom offers her a smile. “you’re welcome, sweetheart. it’s carne asada, beans, and rice, y/n’s favorite.” she admits, and elise snickers, “basics just like her.” the older girl chimes in, and sabrina giggles while you flush. lottie looks at you, and she can’t stop thinking about how pretty you look when you blush. surely she’s notice how pretty you were before, but she can’t remember ever thinking about it. elise is the only one who is aware of the way lottie is looking at you.

“so mom… maria invited me to a get together at her sorority house. can i go after dinner?” elise asks hopefully, and your mom gets this skeptical look on her face. “a get together? at a sorority house?” she questions uncertainly, obviously not buying it. “yeah! it’s just a few of the girls! please mom?” the oldest teen asks, putting on her best puppy eyes. lisa quirks a brow challengingly, “then you wouldn’t mind taking y/n with you?” she asks, smiling in a condescending way. she obviously seems to know elise will refuse to bring you along. your eyes widen at the same time elise’s do.

“me!?”

“her!?”

you both respond to your mother at the same time, and lisa nods simply. “if it’s a get together, then you should have no problem with taking your sister. besides, when was the last time you two did anything together?” the older woman asks, and a glower etches itself onto elise’s features. “why can’t i go too!?” sabrina asks, pouting and clearly upset. “because you’re failing english, and need to study.” lisa pointedly responds, and elise huffs. “fine. i’ll take her, but she’s gonna be complaining the whole time!”

your eyebrows nearly meet your hairline, and you protest quickly. “i don’t wanna go! it’s friday night, and the last thing i wanna do is spend it with elise and a bunch of her weird friends!” you flash your mom a pair of begging eyes, “please don’t make me go.” lottie commends your mother for having the willpower to go against those eyes because damn, she feels her resolve slipping and the peculiar need to step in and protect you kicks in. “i can go with you guys. just so you’re not stuck there alone.” lottie offers, and your head turns to gaze at her.

you blink a few times, clearly confused as to why lottie matthew’s would want to spend a friday night with you. “but didn’t you get invited to becky martin’s bonfire?” you inquire, and lottie shrugs, “i wasn’t gonna go to that anyways.” she lies, but you seem to believe her because you flash her a grateful expression, “i mean if you really wanna be stuck with elise’s friends all night, then sure.” you half joke, making your older sister scoff. “my friends aren’t that bad! i mean at least i have more than three, unlike you!” she hisses, and you roll your eyes.

“ever heard of quality over quantity?” you sardonically retort, making lottie chuckle. elise narrows her eyes at you, “you’re so lucky moms forcing me to bring you.” she mutters, as she continues eating.

after dinner you and lottie head back to your room, and you’re a bit quieter than usual. “you don’t have to go just for my expense, you know? i know you were planning on being at that bonfire tonight.” you say softly, and lottie tenses up as you call her out. there’s no malice or anger in your tone, but lottie frowns. “if i wanted to go to that bonfire i would. i’m hanging with you tonight.” she responds adamantly, and the way you smile washes all of her doubts away.

“okay then, i guess i’ll start getting ready. you already look pretty, but we can stop by your house if you want to change?” you suggest and lottie shrugs, trying to ignore the sensations inside of her that she gets when you call her pretty. “i’ll just go like this. i mean, it’s just a bunch of elise’s lame friends. they’re probably just gonna talk about books and stuff.” she jokes, and you giggle, making her stomach get all knotted up again. god, she really hates that feeling.

throughout the entire way to the sorority house, lottie can’t help but occasionally steal a few glances at you. you had decided to wear a pair of tight black flare jeans, and a cropped fur coat that apparently belongs to elise. lottie wasn’t used to seeing you outside of your usual school clothes. you’d mostly wear jeans and sweaters; hiding every part of yourself. though tonight lottie had a hard time keeping her eyes off you. as soon as elise pulls into the parking lot of the campus, you can hear loud music in the distance.

your confusion only seems to grow as the music gets louder, the closer to the sorority house you all get. finally, your steps begin to falter when you realize you’re approaching a house with a few drunk students outside. someone was laying on the grass, and another person was holding her friends hair while she threw up in a bush. “elise this is not a get together! this is a frat party!” you exclaim angrily, as a large guy drunkenly stumbles past you guys. elise actually looks guilty for a moment, but the expression is quickly replaced by an angry one. “that’s why i didn’t want you to come! god, mom treats me like i’m a fucking kid! i’m eighteen; i should be allowed to have some fun.” she snaps, and you sigh.

“you should’ve just been honest with me. or snuck out like a normal person your age! now i’m stuck here!” you begin to argue with the older girl, who huffs in response. “yeah, cause being at a college frat party is every seventeen year olds worst nightmare. seriously, y/n, when was the last time you were even invited to a party?” elise sardonically asks, and you frown. “i’ve been to parties!” you internally cringe at how stupid you sound, and even lottie knows you’re lying. she’s only ever seen you at one party before, and even then you had left early.

elise shakes her head in dismay, “i bet you wouldn’t even know what to do at a place like this.” she challenges, and lottie frowns when she sees the determination on your features. “well, why don’t you put your money where your mouth is?” you provoke her back, suddenly thinking about those new shoes you’ve been wanting for a month. elise lights up, and lottie thinks it’s the first time she’s ever seen her look so excited as she talks to you. “fine. if you can get a guy or two to dance with you, and actually let loose… i’ll buy you anything you want from the mall. under a hundred and twenty bucks.” she says and you nod in agreement. “deal.” you confirm, holding your hand out for your sister to shake.

lottie gets a strange feeling in the pit of her stomach as the three of you walk into the sorority house. immediately lottie is alert and aware of how many people there are in here; how crowded and dim-lit the house is. losing you here would be easy, and it’d take lottie forever to find you. elise ditches you as soon as she sees her friends, and lottie hates that she’s thinking about what it’d be like if she didn’t come. you’d be stuck here, alone.

“at least they’re playing good music.” you comment, noticing an upbeat spanish song was playing. lottie’s cheeks turn a shade of crimson red as she flushes timidly. “i failed spanish class last year… i think i’m doing really bad in french too this year.” she reveals and you let out this tinkling laugh that causes her to stare at you. she takes in how you look under this lighting; your hair was clipped back in a half updo, but it was still curled in this carefree way that made lottie think you looked absolutely beautiful. she glances away, trying to think of anything but that.

“it’s okay, i suck at french. i only passed spanish class because it was my first language.” you tell her, and she smiles at the admission, “i don’t think i’ll ever be able to learn another language, it’s like my head just can’t grasp anything other than english. spanish is sexy though.” lottie blurts out, and you raises your eyebrows in a bit of amusement as her cheeks burn in humiliation. she has no idea why she just said that.

“here you go pretty ladies. you two look like you needed a drink.” a deep voice intervenes, as you look to see a tall frat boy handing you both cups. lottie speaks before you can even think about it, grabbing your hand, and grasping it firmly. her grip sends a jolt of electricity down your body, and you lose all train of thought as soon as she touches you. “we’re good, thanks though.” she says in that usual not-so-kind voice before pulling you away. “hey! i’m supposed to be getting guys like that to dance with me if i want to win the bet!” you argue, pouting as lottie begins to look for the drink station. she rolls her eyes, making a face of clear disdain at the fact that you’re actually going through with elise’s stupid challenge.

“you’re not seriously going to try and win that stupid bet, are you?” lottie gives you the third degree as she questions you, and you frown at her tone. you aren’t really sure why she sounds so upset. “well, yeah, i mean i want some new shoes and it’s an easy win. how hard can it be to get a few college dudes to dance with me?” you ask uncertainly, and lottie only seems more and more annoyed as you explain yourself. “these guys don’t just wanna dance with you, y/n. they’re all here looking to get laid.” she states, the contemptuousness in her voice causes something inside of your abdomen to tingle.

“obviously i’m not going to let them do that, matthew’s.” you respond as you both come to a stop at the drink station. lottie scoffs as she begins to make your drinks, refusing to answer you anymore. you frown, “you’re such an ass.” you mutter, only adding to her annoyance. she shoots daggers at you with her eyes, “me?? because i don’t want some gross college guy trying anything with you?” she sounds serious, and you can’t help but let your frustration wash away as you realize she’s just worried about you.

“if i didn’t know any better i’d think you’re actually starting to care about me.” you say carefully, as lottie hands you a cup of cranberry vodka. “yeah well, good thing you know better.” she murmurs, and before you can get another word out, an older guy approaches you both. “hey, i’m chris.” he introduces himself, flashing you a shy smile. “y/n.” you respond back, and lottie tries to hide the obvious distaste towards him while he eats you up with his eyes. “do you maybe wanna dance, y/n?” he asks hopefully and you’re about to say yes, when you remember lottie’s obvious indifference towards the bet.

“no, i’m okay. i’m here with someone else.” you simply respond, and the look of disappointment and humiliation etches itself onto his face. “oh, yeah. cool. i’m sorry. i’ll see you around then.” he quickly apologizes before rushing away in the opposite direction. lottie looks at you, visibly befuddled as to why you would turn him down. you shrug at her reaction, taking a sip of your drink, “i can always just blackmail elise into getting me the shoes. she’s not even supposed to be here, let alone have me here. moms gonna flip.” you laugh lightly and suddenly a sense of relief courses throughout the raven haired girl.

she isn’t sure why she was upset at the thought of you dancing with some other guy. the mere thought of some seedy dudes hands on you made her blood boil for reasons she didn’t understand.

it isn’t until lottie is laying in bed later that night; the image of your pretty smile and eyes are the only thing that she can see when she closes her eyes, that she realizes what this is. lottie matthew’s isn’t stupid; she’s aware of what’s happening… she just doesn’t want to admit it. because just last month lottie hated you; now she couldn’t get you out of her head. she was falling fast and she wasn’t sure if she could stop.

[katsu28]

☕️ steve harrington and "you called me your friend." "was i not supposed to say that?" "you really think i'm just your friend? after these last few weeks?"

anna u have singlehandedly pulled me out of my steve slump with this request thank you i love you <3

steve harrington x reader, 1.8k, join the celebration!

“Steve, we’re gonna be late for the movie.” 

“Who cares?” Steve’s voice was muffled from where his face was buried in your neck pressing kisses to it. You gave the hair at the back of his head a gentle tug, making him retreat to meet your gaze. His eyes were darker than usual in the backseat of his car, hair mussed, lips kiss-swollen. You were sure you looked the same. 

“Uh, the ticket taker, probably?” 

Steve huffed overdramatically, licking his lips. “We don’t have to watch the movie, y’know. We could always just stay here, doing what we’ve been doing. Doing some more stuff, preferably with less clothes…” You shot him an unimpressed look and he sighed, letting you climb off his lap and out of the car swiftly. 

He followed rather begrudgingly, straightening out his wrinkled clothes the best he could, taming his hair back into the artfully messy appearance he’d styled it in before your hands had been through it. “Do I look okay?” 

“Cute as usual, but you got a little something right there, pretty boy,” You said fondly, reaching out and swiping a smudge of your lipstick off the corner of his mouth. Steve’s eyes tracked your hand, not realizing he was leaning into your touch until your knuckles brushed against his cheekbone softly. He cleared his throat suddenly and you retreated, dropping your hand back down to your side. “How ‘bout me?” 

“Beautiful as always.” He laced his fingers through yours, bringing you forward to dot a few kisses against your hairline before tugging you into step with him towards the movie theater. 

The smell of popcorn hit you the moment you entered, the thought of a mountain of the buttery snack in a bucket giving you a little extra pep in your step and Steve noticed, because he gave your hand a squeeze. 

A voice calling Steve’s name from behind the two of you made you both turn around. A boy and a girl were making their way towards you hand in hand, the girl’s free hand raised in a wave. 

From beside you, Steve beamed. “Hey guys! Didn’t know you were gonna be here tonight.” 

“Oh, Nance wanted to watch Labyrinth again.” The boy tipped his head towards his movie partner—girlfriend, you assumed. He looked at you, offering you a small but warm smile. “What about you guys?”

“This is my friend, Y/N. Y/N, this is Nance and Jonathan.” He introduced you so nonchalantly you almost scoffed. If Steve still considered you just a friend after all the time you’d been spending with each other and all the things you’d been doing with each other lately, then you’d hate to see what he did with his other friends. “We were just gonna catch that new Matthew Broderick movie, see if it’s any good. You seen it yet?” 

“Not yet, I was gonna see if Will wanted to watch it with me. Seems like something he’d find funny.” Jonathan shrugged. His gaze just so happened to wander down to yours and Steve’s joined hands, but if it surprised him, he kept his composure, opting for a sharp nod. “Well, we won’t hold you. See you Friday, Steve? Hellfire’s meeting at our house this time and my mom’s making pot roast, so you’d better bring your appetite when you come pick up Dustin and the others.” 

“When do I not?” 

“Reliable as ever, Steve.” Nancy joked. “It was nice to see you again, and really nice to meet you, Y/N.”

You smiled at her as best you could, saying a soft goodbye before they made their way past the two of you. 

“You okay? Kinda looks like you just got sucker punched.” Okay, so maybe your poker face wasn’t great. Steve looked genuinely concerned for your well-being, and you hated how it sent your stomach into a whirl. “Are you sick? Fuck, I knew Mike’s nasty cough would rub off on me, that little shit! I can take you home if you want, don’t worry about the movie.”

“I don’t want to go home, Steve.” 

“We can always catch it another day, it’s gonna be here for a month at least, we—” He’d already started to guide you back towards the entrance, but you stopped him with a palm across his chest. 

“Steve, stop. I’m not sick.” 

“Then what’s wrong?” 

You shook your head. “It’s nothing. It’s dumb.” 

“No it's not. Something’s bothering you, c’mere,” He said gently, gesturing for the two of you to step to the side, out of the way so you could talk somewhat in private. “What’s going on?” 

“You called me your friend.” You said quietly, trying to ignore the ugly knot in your stomach. It seemed so stupid now, getting all worked up over something as silly as a single word, but you couldn't lie to yourself. Or Steve for that matter. 

It did feel like you’d gotten sucker punched. 

Steve shot a confused look at you, tilting his head. “Was I not supposed to say that?”  

“You really think I’m just your friend? After these last few weeks?” 

“I thought—hold on, we were on the same page about this, weren’t we? No labels, no defining anything, just you and me.” 

“Well yeah, but that was before you used your stupid charm on me and made me like you and your stupid hair more than I should.” You were more angry at yourself than anything. You should’ve known Steve didn’t feel the same way about you as you did about him, but you’d stupidly given yourself an ounce too much of hope. 

Never mind the days you’d spent together wrapped up in each other’s embrace, talking about anything and everything until the sun set and your eyes grew heavy. Never mind the being on the phone with each other until dawn poked its head above the horizon, the kissing and the holding hands and the sipping coffee silently in the morning until one of you woke up just enough to fold the other into their embrace. 

All of that meant nothing, because you and Steve were just friends. 

“My charm? What are you—what are you talking about, my charm?”

“You seriously don’t know what I mean?” 

“Does it look like I do?” He shot back, then winced. “Sorry. I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to be so sharp.”  

“You got me flowers last week, Steve!” 

“Yeah, ‘cause they were nice and I thought you’d like them!” He exclaimed, gesticulating wildly. You just stared at him, waiting for him to realize your point. When he did, his mouth dropped into a silent ‘oh’. “I—I didn’t mean—” 

This was your worst fear—the reason why you didn’t want to bring it up at all. You had a good thing going with Steve, and now you’d just lost it. “Just forget I said anything, okay?”

“No. No, stay. Please. Talk to me, I wanna talk about this.” He insisted, nodding fiercely. His hands came to plant themselves on your shoulders, then retreated a split second later, like he didn’t know what to do with them anymore. Not even twenty minutes ago, he’d had no problem touching you. 

You hated how things were already changing between the two of you. All because you’d gotten your feelings hurt about something small. 

“I like you, Steve! There it is. I like you, and I don’t know what to do about it because I don’t know what you want from me.” You blurted, voice strained with emotion. You squeezed your eyes shut, digging the heels of your palms against them tightly for a few seconds before refocusing on Steve, who just looked stunned. “Am I just someone you fill your time with because you’re bored, or is this thing between us going somewhere? ‘Cause if it’s not, I’d like to know now. Before I fall for you any more than I already have.” 

As much as you swore to yourself you weren’t going to cry, you could feel the tears welling in your eyes. You bit down hard on your bottom lip to quell them, and Steve noticed. His expression softened like butter and he reached out, rubbing a gentle hand down your arm.  

“Hey, I—I’m sorry. I didn’t know you felt that way, I swear.” Steve’s voice was soft. Comforting. You could tell what you’d just confessed was really eating away at him. That was another thing you liked about Steve. Whenever you told him something, he always took it seriously. “Guess we do kinda need to talk about the elephant in the room.” 

“By all means, you first.” You muttered, folding your arms over your chest. Steve inhaled a sharp breath, letting it out as a heavy exhale through his mouth. 

“I don’t exactly have the best track record with girls. I’m sure you’ve heard about what I was like in high school. I was a dick, plain and simple. I did things I’m not proud of, and I hurt people, but I swear on my life, I’m not that person anymore. I’m not…him anymore.” He looked almost upset with the way his jaw clenched, brow furrowing deeply at the mention of his past. 

You’d heard plenty about the high and mighty King Steve, and part of you didn’t want to believe it. This was the same Steve who helped old ladies carry their groceries and always played basketball with the neighborhood kids when they needed another player. 

“I guess I just didn’t wanna say the wrong thing and jinx what we’ve got going here, because I…I want this to go somewhere. I really like you too, Y/N. And I know it’s only been a few weeks but I—” Steve cut himself off with a short chuckle, raking a hand through his hair and bunching it at the nape of his neck before letting the strands fall back into place. 

His expression was cynical, like he was positive you were about to reject him and leave him here in this dim parking lot and never talk to him again. You weren’t going to, obviously, but Steve was a worst case scenario kind of guy. “I think I’m already falling in love with you.” 

“You’ve sure got a shitty way of showing it, Harrington.” You huffed, but there was no real anger behind your words. In fact, you were looking at him quite fondly, and the way you bumped your shoulder against his seemed promising. 

“Believe me, I know that already. Workin’ on it everyday, though.” He shook his head with another chuckle. Even you cracked a tiny smile at that, sniffling slightly. “Can we start over?” 

“I’d like that very much.” 

“Yeah?” He perked up, looking pleased. You nodded and he beamed even brighter, sticking his hand out for you to shake. “Hi. I’m Steve, I think you're amazing, and I wanted to know if you’d like to watch a movie with me.” 

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[nthspecialll]

Red dead characters as horses, based not on vibes but personality.

Firstly, I am an equestrian of twelve years I know that a horse's breed doesn't fully determine it's personality and you can find any horse of any breed with any personality, but this is based on stereotypes, my own personal experience and well... Google. Again, this is not by vibes, but personality so reflect a little from horse to person.

Arthur Morgan - American Quarter Horse

No matter if it is a show pony or a workhorse you are looking for, the American Quarter Horse got you. It is known for being easy to handle but reliable no matter the job given. It is a good all-around horse and can handle anything from beginner lessons to high-level competitions.

Hosea Matthews - Norwegian Fjord Horse

Very sweet and docile-looking horse but make no mistake, this beast has more opinion, sass and stubbornness than you would ever imagine. Intelligent in the way that it is fully aware of the people around it and knows when it is time to play tricks and run corners and when it is time to play it sweet. The second you dare underestimate it it will remind you that it is in fact stronger than what you might expect.

Dutch Van Der Linde - The Andalusian

A horse breed known widely for being elegant and fancy but unlike many other hot blooded (reactive) horses, tends not to get hurt as easily, coming out fine from situations where the other hot blooded might have gotten wounded in. Although known for being smart, attentive and sensible, they can easily become too much to handle if handled wrongly.

John Marston - The Arabian

Now I know some people are gonna be like "no that doesn't fit at all!" but hold on, just listen, hear me out. Although generally known for being hot-headed, hard to control and stupid, they are actually quite intelligent, have a high endurance and are well aware of their surroundings. With dense and strong bone structure they are quite resilient to much, however they do tend to get wounded in their own hot-headedness... (John I am looking at you strolling up to Fort Mercer and getting fkn shot on sight, tf you thought was gonna happen?)

Javier Escuella - American Mustang

A wild horse known for its stubborn spirit and the lengths it will go to for freedom. It takes a long time trusting, however once having earned its heart it is the most loyal you can find. It is also a highly adaptable horse.

Bill Williamson - Irish Cob/Gypsy Vanner (Same breed, different name)

Lazy, hard to get moving and often seen as bad, the last choice or a breed that wouldn't hold up in bigger competitions, however is actually quite good and does any job well. They are eager to please (Bill to Dutch) and can also grow a beard!

Till Jackson - The Shetland Pony

Small and very adorable looking to a point one thinks they are harmless, and while they can be very sweet, they are going to throw you the second you least expect it. They will not let their short stature and cute appearance be a disadvantage to them but instead use it against others. (Knew one that bit the taller horse's stomach and became the damn leader of that herd)

Charles Smith - The Friesian

Often seen as scary and frightening looking due to their tough exterior, however they are very kind-hearted and highly intelligent. They are loyal and well-mannered, very reliable and makes a good companion.

Kieran Duffy - The Haflinger

A very gentle and generally curious fella. Known for being very friendly and people-oriented. If you spend any time around them you will also often find out that they are quite silly, however make no mistake, they are still horses and thus will always be dangerous.

Josiah Trelawny - Pryor Mountain Mustang

An endangered form of Mustang that are known for elegance and athleticism and while could easily make for a great show pony there is a few problems. They are not very reliable as they are quite skittish and tend to flee as well as be quite hard to tame and tie down.

[poweringthroughthis]

dominated by my boss | matthew kim

nsfw, mature content, mdni

ship: big matthew(BM) x male reader

desc: m/n has spent way too long fantasizing about his hot boss, Matthew Kim. Despite being on friendly terms with the muscle hunk, he can't help but dream about being ravished by the giant god.

m/n knows it's completely unethical of him, but maybe he's luckier than he thought.

warnings: dirty talk, strength kink, body worship, anal fingering, anal s*x, hair pulling, consensual hitting, manhandling

˜”*°•.˜”*°

The office was alive with activity, the sounds of keyboard strokes and phone conversations filling the air. In his cubicle, m/n sat staring blankly at his computer screen, his mind elsewhere. His heart raced as he imagined BM walking past his desk once again. He couldn't help but steal glances at his attractive boss whenever he got the chance. Each time their eyes met, m/n felt a jolt of excitement shoot through him. It was evident that BM noticed him too, despite his attempts to remain discreet.

As they shared a quick glance, their eyes locked, and m/n felt heat spread throughout his entire body. He could feel his cheeks flush red as he tried to focus on his work. But no matter how much he told himself to stay professional, images of BM dominating him kept flashing before his eyes. It wasn't just lust that filled him; there was also fear mixed in there - fear of rejection perhaps? Despite these conflicting feelings, he knew he had to try somehow.

"Hey," he said nervously, catching his attention. BM turned slowly towards him, raising an eyebrow quizzically. "Um...well you know...we should probably discuss something." m/n's voice faltered slightly, causing him to blush even more deeply. He couldn't believe he was trying to get his boss to sleep with him. His boss with huge biceps, that seemed to rip through the fabric of his dress shirt every time he folded his arms, his boss with thighs so thick they left no room for air in BM's grey linen pants, his boss with a height of over 6 ft that made m/n imagine how it would make him feel as he towered over the younger male, most importantly; his boss with a chest so big, m/n wanted nothing but to squeeze and suck on it for hours.

Matthew smirked slightly, clearly amused by m/n's awkwardness. Yet there was something in his gaze that made m/n hopeful – a glimmer of interest perhaps? Determined to find out if there was any possibility of them becoming more than just boss and employee, m/n gathered his courage and continued speaking. "I think we might have some things to talk about outside of work..." BM raised an eyebrow in surprise at this suggestion. It seemed like he hadn't expected such forwardness from him, despite the both of them having numerous subtle touches for the past few weeks.

However, instead of dismissing him outright, BM listened intently as the seemingly shy male revealed his deepest desires. He admitted how he longed for someone strong and confident enough to take charge completely. Someone like BM, who could make him submit entirely without ever hesitating or showing mercy. At first, BM looked surprised by this admission, but gradually, a smile started forming on his lips. He found himself intrigued by the thought of taming this meek young man who turned out to be extremely freaky underneath. Finally, he replied with determination written all over his face, "Alright then.

I accept your offer." The words fell like sweet music to m/n's ears, as he allowed himself to imagine what exactly BM meant by accepting his proposal. As they walked away from the office together, both men couldn't help but exchange glances that spoke volumes about the intensity of emotions running through them. It was clear that both parties were eager to explore the boundaries of their newfound connection beyond the confines of their workplace. Inside BM's car, the silence hung heavy between them for several moments. Both men were lost in their own thoughts while anticipation built up inside them.

Suddenly, BM broke the silence by asking softly, "So where do you want to go?" m/n swallowed nervously before replying, "I don't really care. Wherever you want to take me will be fine." This statement only served to fuel BM's desire further. With determination etched across his features, he drove swiftly towards his destination. All along the journey, neither of them uttered another word, allowing tension to simmer beneath the surface.

As soon as they arrived at their destination, BM took charge without hesitation. He yanked m/n forward roughly, pressing their crotches together, successfully arching m/n's back and proceeded to tear m/n's top into pieces.

He moaned shamelessly at BM's manly display of strength. His boss could easily throw him around like a rag doll and it turned m/n on to no end.

BM grabbed m/n by his wrist and dragged him towards the bedroom. Without breaking stride, he slapped m/n's face, making him stumble. The words coming out of BM's mouth about what he was going to do to his innocent employee almost made the younger cum already.

BM made sure to cover every inch of m/n's face and chest with spanks, leaving him bruised and red. m/n could hardly believe what was happening. BM was mercilessly beating him up, without even trying to hide it. And yet, he couldn't stop himself from wanting more. Noticing the change in the smaller's expression, BM grabbed his hair forcefully and pulled his head backwards, forcing him to look him straight in the eye. There was no doubt in BM's mind now. He was not letting m/n escape this time.

m/n pressed his hands against the older's chest, realizing why exactly he was called 'Big Matthew'. He began fondling it and latching his mouth on his nipples, sucking aggressively. BM threw his head back in pleasure as the younger continued to worship him.

This lasted for about 20 minutes, during which m/n made sure to cover every inch of Matthew's Adonis-like body with his tongue.

Stimulated enough, BM wrapped his thick hand around m/n's throat, the other hand going around his waist. He had the younger's back pressed into his hard chest as he growled out in his ear. 

"You'll get fucked so hard and so good that you won't even remember your name after this. You'll beg me to fuck you harder, even though you can barely breathe! You'll say that I'm the only one who understands you!" My dick will create a bulge in your stomach as you'll feel like I'm breaking you into two. Then I'll slam my cock down your throat, even though you haven't finished breathing properly! Then I'll turn you over, put my weight on you, and force myself deep inside your asshole until you're literally bursting.

And I'll never let you cum until I decide it's time." BM released m/n's throat, grabbing him by his hair again and smacking his face. "Then I'll grab onto your ass and spread your cheeks wide open, fucking you in that tight little hole until you beg me to stop. But I won't stop. Instead, I'll pull your ass apart even more and shove my finger into your tight little anus while my cock is still buried inside you!

I'll fuck you until your muscles start shaking uncontrollably. I'll keep pounding away until your body starts to tremble and you can feel my cock all the way up in your throat. Just wait until I rip your hole apart, leave you sore." The hunk seethed, all while m/n's cock twitched uncontrollably at the giant's lewd words.

BM gropes m/n's ass, squeezing it harshly in his large hands. "I'm going to destroy this ass, so much that you'll beg me to carry you since you wouldn't be able to walk." BM lifted him by his ass, as the smaller remained in a standing position, feet now dangling in the air. m/n was so turned on by BM's strength that he spurted a few shots of precum untouched.

He all but dragged m/n to the bed and flipped him over so that his subordinate was lying face down on the mattress. He lifted m/n's abdomen and buried his face into his little, round ass, eating him out like a madman, making m/n's breath hitch in his throat.

He thrust his large fingers in and out, stretching him, preparing him for what was to come. m/n squirmed and whimpered, rocking back and forth, grinding his hips against the mattress. BM hooked his forearms under his knees, his biceps flexing as he lifted m/n in the air and stood up. He knew that the skinny male loved to see how easy it is for BM to hold him up and fuck him senseless. "you like that, you little whore? you like being handled like a doll?"

m/n moaned a "fuck yes daddy, give it to me" breathlessly. BM growled and spat on his face, continuing to devour him.

He pulled his fingers out and tossed m/n back onto the bed. He crawled onto the mattress, straddling him, holding him down. He grabbed a fistful of hair and forced his head up, exposing his throat, making him look at him. "Now beg for my cock," BM commanded, his voice low and dangerous.

m/n's eyes widened and his heart skipped a beat. "Please fuck me, Matthew. Please. I want you inside me. I need it. I need to feel your cock in my ass. I'm yours. Take me. Fuck me. Do whatever you want with me." He pleaded desperately, tears forming in his eyes.BM smiled wickedly, releasing his grip, allowing his head to fall back onto the pillows. "Good boy."

He reached between them, lining himself up, pressing the tip against m/n's entrance. "Relax," he whispered, pushing forward, entering him slowly, inch by inch.

The h/c-colored male whimpered, arching his back, trying to take him deeper. BM's cock was huge, filling him completely. It stretched him wider than anything he'd ever felt before. It burned a little, but he welcomed the pain, knowing it would soon give way to pleasure. He gasped, clinging tightly to BM's shoulders, digging his nails into the thick muscle. BM kept filling, un-filling and refilling the horny male's hole for hours on end.

After what seemed like days, BM roared, slamming into him one final time, emptying his load deep inside of him. He collapsed on top of him, breathing heavily, kissing his forehead softly.

"That's right," he whispered, stroking his hair, soothing him. "You're mine. You're so perfect for me baby. I fucking love you."

"and i'm sorry if i went too overboard. next time, we'll set safe words and talk limits" he assured the smaller male underneath him, who seemed to enjoy the larger man's weight on top of him.

"don't sweat it. i loved it so much. all of it."

˜”*°•.˜”*°

[plaguerat00]

⚠️BEWARE OF FNAF MOVIE SPOILERS AHEAD⚠️

(And me having like twenty aneurysms over it)

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AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH

WHERE DO I BEGIN?????

I fucking loved it! I fucking loved it and am so glad I wasn't disappointed!!!!!

Josh Hutcherson was GREAT. MATTHEW LILLARD WAS AMAZING even though he didn't get a whole lot of screen time, it makes sense why, he really sold it at the end though.

I loved being able to have a full on nostalgia trip it was great.

I've heard some people were disappointed with the lack of gore and I mean sure it's tamed down but at the same time a bitch gets severed in two by Freddy's chompers and another mother fucker gets his face mutilated by the Cupcake. You can also literally hear Afton's insides being torn apart, so for a pg13 movie I think they did QUITE well.

"Isn't breakfast the most important meal?

Well yeah, but THAT'S JUST A THEORY!!!" (Cue the screams.)

And now for a little more seriousness in my praise for how they portrayed Afton's character as a fucked up serial killer.

Yes they didn't make him an anime twink, he's unassuming and looks like the good ol' eighties dad.

But how he acts when he finds out who Mike is what I like the most. His voice wavers on the name, he gets a bit stuttery and nervous, if I remember right he can barely look Mike in the eye. He gave him the job too, which I might not be looking at it right but he seems to be giving it to him not to get him killed at first but to maybe help him out??? He's almost remorseful for a moment it seems, being in the same room as the person whose brother he kidnapped and murdered, whose life he's no doubt destroyed. He's not a stone cold killer, he's insane and a coward 👍

And also Vanessa being his daughter/regretful accomplice? I love that a lot more than her being possessed/ under Afton's influence. He totally forced her to help him cover up the kid murders and maybe even make her help him do the murdering. >.>

Also loved being able to see the movie with my friend and fellow Fnaf lovers who did the "Hor hor ho hor hor" Freddy laugh every 10 minutes 😌

[amsbabygurl]

dress - a.m.

made your mark on me, a golden tattoo - auston matthews x fem!reader

a/n - this will be my first actual fic so pls be nice...

this fic contains a lil swearing and s m u t - fingering (that's it... keeping it tame for now)

18+ below the cut!

you love going to events with auston, you really do. to you, there was nothing better than getting all dolled up just to spend the night on his arm, politely greeting all the members of the nhl while being whisked around by your gorgeous boyfriend. he also makes it incredibly hard to focus on anything around you, as his large hand splayed across the small of your back, dangerously close to your ass, rubbing small circles in the silk fabric.

you know he's just trying to soothe you, as a room full of people this important to him and his career could be rather intimidating, but instead of being comforting, it was making you feel other things.

you press your lips to the shell of his ear, "i'm going to get another glass of champagne, do you need anything?" you whisper. he turns his head to look at you and softly shakes his head.

"don't be too long now love," he whispers back, ghosting a kiss onto your cheek, so he doesn't ruin your makeup. you smile up at him and nod, slowly skirting away through the scattered crowd to the bar.

this might sound cliché, but damn, auston hated it when you left his side but he did love to watch you leave. you look incredible tonight, the dark blue dress he picked out for you hugging your curves so perfectly. damn is he ever lucky.

still staring at you as you stop at the bar to get another drink, mitch clears his throat, grabbing auston's attention. "dude, you're basically drooling. it's almost embarrassing," he observes with a low chuckle. auston whips his head around to look at him.

"i just don't like leaving her alone at these things when she looks that good," he emphasizes. he knew if anyone would understand it would be mitch.

in the meantime, you ask the bartender for another glass of champagne, and he nods, quickly moving out of sight to grab you some. you look up and down the bar, not recognizing anyone, until a soft hand presses into the small of your back. but it isn't auston's hand. you know exactly how his hands feel. you slowly turn your head, hoping not to appear too startled, and come face to face with no other than pierre luc dubois.

"what's a pretty girl like you doing here all alone?" he whispers, getting a little too close to your ear for your liking, feeling his hot breath on your face.

"i'm not here alone. i happen to have come with my boyfriend," you say to pierre, rather loudly, hoping to get someone's attention, hoping they might rescue you.

"i don't see him here though" he whispers again. you're growing more and more uncomfortable by the second, and with the bartender still gone fetching more champagne, your eyes scan the crowd looking for auston. he's not where you left him. an uneasy feeling settles in you as you give pierre a polite smile.

"i need to go to the bathroom," trying to give him an excuse and a reason to slip away and find auston. but he doesn't let his hand off of your back. "pierre, please let me go," you plead.

he starts to wrap his hand around your waist, when a deep voice comes from behind you. "i think she told you to leave her alone dubois."

auston.

you feel yourself physically relax, as his hand reaches out and wraps around your own, gently pulling you away from pierre's side. you grip onto his arm with your free hand, squeezing it gently in a silent thank you. pierre grunts, and with a nod, he walks away. you turn to face your boyfriend, his expression stern and hard.

"hey, it's okay. i'm okay my love," you say gently, your hand reaching up to cup his face. your thumb running soothingly over his cheekbone. he looks at you and his gaze immediately softens. you smile at him.

"i'm sorry baby, i shouldn't have let you off on your own. you look way too good for me to even think about letting you out of my sight," he whispers into your ear, both of his strong hands gripping your hips. you blush at his praise, leaning up to place a soft kiss on his lips. he must have other intentions than an innocent thank you kiss, as he presses harder against you, pulling your hips closer to him as he tries to pry your lips apart with his tongue.

"aus," you whisper, "we can't do this here. there's too many people."

"i know baby, i just want everyone to know that you're all mine," he whispers back, leaning down to press a gentle kiss to your jaw "let's get out of here yeah?" you nod quickly, and he turns you gently so your walking in front of him, a hand on your back that slowly slides down until it's resting firmly on your ass. you can feel the heat of embarrassment creeping up your neck. as much as pda isn't normally your thing, you can't help but feel a swell of pride wash over you. no matter what happens he always takes you home with him.

the drive home is tense. not because he was mad at you, auston could never be mad at you, but because the tension brewing between you is so thick in the front seat of his car. his large hand has found it's normal spot against your thigh, but it's slowly creeping closer and closer to the heat at your core. you've been aching for his fingers ever since he kissed you so passionately in that room full of people. like he was reading your mind, his hand slides further and further up, until the pads of his fingertips are tracing your slit through the lacy thong you had put on just for him.

"aus" you moan, feeling the way his fingers slowly made their way up to circle gently around your clit.

"what do you need baby, hmm? use your words," he says as he stops touching you completely. you whine from the lack of contact.

"i need your fingers in me auston, please," you beg. a smirk crosses over his handsome features as he moves your underwear to the side, giving him easy access, allowing his fingers to slip inside of you.

"shit baby, all this is for me?" he growls, as he starts to pick up the pace, thumb still circling your clit. you let out a moan, unable to say anything as the pleasure is building inside of you. "only i get to see you like this, becoming a sloppy little mess just because of my fingers." you let out a small mewl at his words. "tell me baby, tell me i'm the only one that will ever see you like this."

"i'm all yours aus, always yours," you pant out, words becoming harder and harder for you as you start approaching the edge.

"that's my good girl," he says "now i want you to come for me baby. let me feel you come undone on my fingers." with these final words of encouragement, you let go. clenching and unclenching on his fingers, as he continues his slow movements, working you down from your high.

you turn to look at him as he pulls into the parking lot at your shared apartment. his pupils are dilated, as he brings up his cum soaked fingers to his lips and sucks the taste of you off of them. he moans at the taste and you whimper from just watching the scene. he pulls his fingers out of his mouth, hand coming up so his fingers can weave into the hair at the nape of your neck, allowing him to pull you into a searing kiss. you moan at the contact and the taste of you on his tongue.

"c'mon baby, let's go upstairs so i can take care of you properly," he whispers into your lips as his hand comes you rest on your thigh once again. you nod, getting out of the car, grabbing his hand and letting him lead you up the stairs. you are in for a long night.

a/n - if you made it through this, BLESS. also lemme know if you want a part two hehe

[hopetorun]

if youre still taking those fic asks i would LOVE to know what leon is thinking in the second winner's room when matthew chooses to suck his dick

sorry this took me so long but here is some pov flip for you!!

January 29, 2020 Rogers Place, Edmonton Flames 4 – Oilers 3 (SO)

Leon’s feet are cold as he shuffles down the hall to the winner’s room. If he had suspected he was going to get tapped tonight, he would’ve taken the time to put on socks. He didn’t really think—it wasn’t his best game, especially with the miss in the shootout, and there’s always the option of picking Connor, or Kass to get the final word in his back-and-forth with Tkachuk.

But here he is, punching in today’s door code—it takes him two tries—and the door swings open to reveal Tkachuk sitting on the bed.

Maybe Leon shouldn’t have made the blowjob so good last time. He knows there’s rumors about Tkachuk, even if he makes a point of not seeming too interested in any of the rumors. About anyone, but especially about Tkachuk.

“Hey,” Tkachuk says. His gaze is unsettlingly even. All he did tonight was let himself get beat up, Leon thinks, and then feels mean for it.

“Hi,” Leon says.

Tkachuk doesn’t say anything else, even though it’s his room and he’s the one who wanted Leon here. He looks Leon over, but there’s no leer in it. Leon squirms anyway, feeling like he might be getting graded. It’s easier to be on the ice with Tkachuk, taking swings at each other or—or making passes. It’s only been a few days since Leon made him laugh, mouthing fuck you even though he knew all the cameras would see.

“What do you want?” Leon asks, because he doesn’t want to think about that any more than he already has.

“What if I want to suck your dick this time?” Tkachuk still has that steady gaze, like this is normal for him. Maybe it is. Leon doesn’t manage to keep his own expression level, surprise showing on his face before he pushes it back down. There’s rumors about Tkachuk, sure, but that doesn’t mean it’s a good idea for Leon to make things obvious. If Tkachuk wants to, though, it’s not like Leon hasn’t ever looked. His sweaty curls, his lips curled around his mouthguard.

Tkachuk raises a single eyebrow and smirks at him. It looks ridiculous. Leon liked his real smile last week better.

“If you’re not game we don’t have to,” Tkachuk says. “I know some guys—”

No one’s ever offered this to Leon before. Even when they’re both—no one has ever used their own room to suck Leon off. He’s never done it either, won a game and then gotten on his knees. He sees the appeal immediately, though. Too many guys in this league think that the only way to be in control is to shove your dick inside someone until they choke on it.

“I thought,” Leon starts, but it doesn’t matter what he thought. He knows what Tkachuk is offering, and it’s Tkachuk’s room to do what he wants with. “Sure, whatever you want.” That’s the way it goes, after all.

Tkachuk takes his sweatshirt off, and his shirt too. There’s still red marks from his pads, and a few smudges that look like they’ll be bruises by tomorrow. Leon does a very bad job not staring. He says something stupid, Tkachuk also says something stupid, and then Leon’s sitting down on the bed and Tkachuk is dropping to his knees. The movement looks comfortable, familiar. Leon has to put a lot of thought into breathing, and it takes him too long to remember that he should take his pants off.

Leon slides a hand into Tkachuk’s hair before he even stops to think that this is Tkachuk’s room. Maybe he doesn’t want to be touched.

But all Tkachuk says is, “Being on this side is more fun when you choose it.” Leon doesn’t pay any attention to what he says in response. Tkachuk’s hair is still a little wet, the curls tamed slightly by the water. He’s rubbing Leon’s dick along his cheek, just barely touching it with his lips. There’s no way this isn’t—he’s absolutely sucking dick outside the room. No one learns these tricks while somebody’s fucking your face to teach you a lesson for being a shithead. And that must happen to Tkachuk a lot.

Leon’s even thought about it. He’s not going to think about it anymore, not when he could be thinking about Tkachuk’s cheeks hollowed around his cock and the long eyelashes he’s looking up through. It’s obscene. His cock is so deep into Tkachuk’s throat. Leon clenches his fist tighter in Tkachuk’s hair, breathing slowly to keep from embarrassing himself. It’s hard to keep his hips still.

Tkachuk’s cheeks are flushed, and his chest is too. Easy to see, since he took his shirt off. He’s into this, and he’s not bothering to hide it. He’s—trusting Leon with that? Leon wants—

He wants Tkachuk to not jerk himself off before Leon can touch him. He pulls Tkachuk off his cock. It makes Tkachuk whine, which is going to feature in more of Leon’s fantasies than he cares to acknowledge.

“What are you doing?” he asks, even though he knows.

Tkachuk says, “Giving you a blowjob?” because he’s apparently always going to be a bit of a shithead. His hand is still pressed between his legs, even if his hips aren’t moving against it.

“That part,” Leon says.

“Saving you the trouble? I have to get off, and if I leave with a massive hard-on it’ll be pretty obvious I didn’t.”

Tkachuk groans when Leon tightens his fist. His lips are so red. Leon wants to touch them. Leon wants to touch him.

“What if I don’t want you to take care of it yourself?”

That puts them on the same page. They’ve both shown their cards. Tkachuk knows that Leon wants to touch him. He can do whatever he wants with that.

“What are you gonna do about it?” he asks, and that’s like he is on the ice, pushing, needling, trying to get a rise out of Leon. He’s so good at it there, and here too, apparently, as he licks Leon’s cock like a fucking lollipop once. Leon definitely does not feel like he’s in control right now.

“Hands where I can see them,” he says, and even when Tkachuk does it, it doesn’t stop the feeling that this is all spinning out of his grasp. And then Tkachuk’s mouth is back on him, and Leon decides there are worse things than being out of control.

[margaretxalexander]

[cis-female, she/her] Welcome to Aurora Bay, [MARGARET "MAGGIE" ALEXANDER]! I couldn’t help but notice you look an awful lot like [RACHEL WEISZ]. You must be the [FIFTY] year old [PSYCHOLOGIST]. Word is you’re [WITTY] but can also be a bit [INCONSISTENT] and your favorite song is [BAD REPUTATION BY JOAN JETT]. I also heard you’ll be staying in [AURORA BAY DRIVE]. I’m sure you’ll love it! || @aurorabayaesthetic

Name: margaret presley alexander Nickname(s): maggie. mags. Gender: cis-female Pronouns: she/her Age: fifty Birthdate: june 16th ( gemini sun. taurus moon.) Sexual Orientation: bisexual Romantic Orientation: homoromantic Profession: psychologist. Positive Traits: adaptable. communicative. witty. inquisitive Negative Traits: reasonably unreasonable. overindulging. inconsistent. petty.

Details:

an AB native born to samantha and wade pritchett, she's one of three girls. margaret is the baby and it shows.

her formative of years were filled with drama and chaos. all of which she enjoyed quite a bit. that is until one particular chaotic night left her knocked up.

it was a very sobering experience, getting pregnant at 18. but some how she managed and blossomed into the hot mess she is today.

ok, it’s not that bad. it took her some time to get her shit together, but she's mostly tame now.

she did what she thought she was supposed to. graduate, get married. did she want to? not particularly but that's just...what you did, right?

she wanted to give her kid a chance, to be the type of parent society said she should be. and she tried. for a while at least.

she and matthew hadn't been together long when it all happened. actually they weren't even dating really. but they both stepped up when their daughter, "Sadie" was born. Maggie settled down into the box her family had always wanted for her. As did Matthew. And surprisingly they got along well. he was fun and goofy and sweet despite being rough around the edges. they became the best of friends, two sides of the same coin and then somehow more.

she loved him, really she did. but within a few years, Maggie became restless. being a housewife just-- it wasn't for her. it was hard for her to be a mom. she wasn’t ready and all the advice– it was so contradictory. and she was so fucking terrified of doing it 'wrong’ and fucking sadie up.

matthew wasn’t the best at that time. he was a kid too and was kinda a shit head. he couldn't quite hold down a job.

her solution? distract. she needed to work or go to school, something. she went to school for teaching at twenty. graduated and got a job some four years later. but not before getting pregnant again, this time with a son, miles.

it was hard, juggling kids and school. luckily in that time matthew was settling into himself, finding a job he stuck with, making more money. by the time she got her first teaching gig? he was making good money and surprise, she was pregnant again.

she taught. took care of the kids. lived a 'charmed' small town life. but it all just felt like another shell she’d outgrown. she loved her kids and matthew and teaching…but she was so miserable. and her miserable made everyone miserable. there were ups and downs.

she and matthew got a divorce not long after their last child, juniper, turned four. it was hard, but they finally admitted they weren’t happy. they hadn’t been for a long time. they’ve been co-parenting since. and may have slept together a few times after but nothing major.

she began exploring life fully after that. she went back to school for a job she actually found interesting. not that teaching wasn't it just...wasn't her calling. psychology had always been interesting, she'd minored in it and decided to pursue that instead. it helped her embrace herself more and the fact she never was or would be whatever it was her family or society wanted her to be. and that was more than ok.

the first few years of this was rocky. she had to find ways to balance her school again, co-parenting and doing things she'd always wanted to. she was...kinda a mess. ok. a lot of one. and there was a span of time the kids mostly lived with Matthew while Maggie 'figured things out'.

all three of her kids had different versions of who their mother was. it wasn't always pleasant. they definitely weren't always in a good place. she knows she fucked up a lot and she's tried to work at it.

the time between starting her master's and earning her doctorate was hell and euphoria all rolled into one. but she'd never been so happy or fulfilled even through all the chaos of it.

40. That was the magic number. Maggie's life stabilized. She began working as a licensed psychologist at a private practice and yeah there was still things she had to work on with her kids and over all personal life but she was finally just-- content.

well. as content as she ever could be. the kids are grown and for the most part, dont hate her? maybe? and about a year ago she branched off to develop her own practice. she's doing pretty well for herself and only sees more good on the horizon.

Connections:

"matthew" - ex-husband

"sadie" - 32 yr old daughter

"miles" - 28 yr old son

"juniper" - 25 yr old daughter

Wanted Connections:

I don't have anything too specific for this yet. But I'll be updating this once I do.

[the-heaminator]

20 for canrus from the writing prompts? 👀

[ 20 ] "this is absolutely your fault!"

hnnnng I could make this very serious or like very domestic and I'm not sure what to do here, so I'll try mixing both of them. Also hooray for tubby matt! I dont think this is what you wanted but this is what you're going to get I'm sorry riva.

Ivan was a lot of things, and a good summation of those things was an overall bad fucking influence, but not in the way you would expect, that was the job of Arthur and the rest of the family, nah Ivan was a bad influence in the way that he lrt Matthew's own bad habits slide, bad habits that in the grand scheme if things, hell even within his own family were pretty tame.

Innocent things like sleeping in, eating well, plainly begging for cuddles.

These were put down as bad habits for as long as Matt could remember, unless enough alcohol to kill a horse was involved of course, and Ivan just indulged in them, no fuss about it, and it was incredibly odd for Matthew, but why look a gift horse in the mouth eh?

Another thing that Ivan was was cuddly, he liked hugs, being hugged and giving hugs both, he was taller than Matt, not as much as he was over most people, but still a good 4 or 5 inches taller, but Matthew more often then not latched himself onto his back when he was particularly done with life, which was often.

The other way happened too, Ivan hugged Matt from the back, resting his head on the shorters shoulder, Alfred was usually the cause of such moods.

Anyhow, I need to stop rambling, as I said Ivan just enabled Matthew's "bad" habits, in perhaps the cutest way possible, he was a good cook, and partial to food, his frame was a testament to that of course, one of the reasons Matthew absolutely adored cuddling him, he was actually nice to cuddle, unlike some people, and was more than willing to partake too.

Of course Ivan had his bad habits too, everyone did, though history had not been kind to him at all (fairly he hadn't been kind to history either but we will not go into that) he was quite partial to alcohol, somehow worse than Arthur, a terrifying concept for Matthew, but he seemed to make a conscious effort to try and not drink as much when Matthew was around, not something Matthew would ever think was possible, someone making a conscious effort to reign in themselves for him? completely unheard of, unless they both were drinking, then everything was free game.

Again I need to stop rambling by god, anyhow because of this he started cooking more, Matthew was always partial to baking, and for once he had the time, the energy, and a nice lack of guilt to do it.

The Kirklands™️ really had drilled it into him that no, it was not allowed to relax until you were more than half dead, and the fact that that managed to stay in Matthew for literally nearly a century without them enforcing it was frightening, but somehow it managed to stay on in Alfred for nearly 250, without an end in sight, like father like eldest son eh?

This weirdness also ended up going towards food, hell the amount of times he was forgotten to be fed when he was younger was far too often, Ivan would not let that happen, there were two types of old-timey European nations in the modern age, the type that doesn't eat, and the type that try to make up for lost time, Russia was very much the latter, and it showed, both on him and Matt, quite by accident really.

I need to stop rambling I cannot remember what I was saying for the love of god, Ah!

Once when laying on the sofa, Ivan tried to lay his head in Matthew's lap, having to bend his legs anyways because there was no way he was fitting on the sofa without doing that, and for once he didn't complain about Matthew being too bony (odd because he loved doing that) Ivan fell asleep there, and Matt was in the stupor that comes with watching shitty reality tv shows that finished 4 years ago at 11 in the night, you know the one.

He lightly prodded Ivan to get off, his leg had fallen asleep, and the rest of him was not far behind.

"Oi, shove off." Oh, that was definitely a whine, he didn't even try to hide it.

"ублюдок"

"But you love me anyways, now get off you're going to kill my leg."

Ivan got up, creaking annoyingly, his back had not been the same since the 1800s fuckin' hell, Matthew got up too, far less creakily but he did limp around for a moment because pins and needles sucked a lot of ass, he nearly fell down while doing that, bumping into the side table in a series of accidents truly looney toones worthy.

Ivan ended up catching Matt, he was not expecting Matthew to be that heavy, apparently he was still under the impression that even after all the cooking, baking, and the eating and sleeping that came after that, Matt was still light as a feather and bony as all hell.

My man is not the best at noticing change is he, "Shit, Matvey when did you get so heavy?"

Matthew flushed, he hoped Ivan wouldn't notice, but i mean even someone as absentminded as Ivan could be at times would notice, he pouted and said "This is your fault."

He looked confused "Mine? how I did nothing!"

Matthew wasn't sure whether he liked the current events, but it was leaning towards good and he hoped it stayed that way, he did really like Ivan's cooking...

"You let me eat so much though, this is absolutely your fault!"

Ivan let out that little giggle of his, a bit weird from someone as large as him but by god was it endearing "You say that like it's a bad thing."

Matthew looked at him oddly "It isn't?"

He waved a large hand "No, of course not!" he clucked his tongue, "Arthur is still in your head even now, you were too thin, not nice to cuddle." He bent down a little and hugged Matthew around the waist, tightly, he ended up lifting him a bit even now and looked straight into Matthew's eyes "Now it is much nicer, besides, who cares, certainly not me, and I don't think you do either."

He pinched Matthes side a bit, a bit surprised to find flesh there, but wasn't complaining, "Now shut up and go to sleep, it's midnight and my back hurts."

He got herded upstairs and Matthew's normal inability to sleep just did not turn up tonight and they slept in each others arms, Matthew suffocated as usual, but again he really could not care less.

[terrainofheartfelt]

Gossip Girl Playlists: Theatre Kid AU edition! —Nate’s

[Blair's] [Dan's] [Serena's]

I don’t even remember exactly how this started, but it’s @strideofpride’s fault. 

The concept began as: if they were in this world, what would be in the GG mains’ MT books? What would be their go-to song? Their 16 bar cut? And then, I got on spotify, and got wayyyy too carried away (typical me), and it sort of morphed into: what are the NJBC’s (plus Daniel’s) senior musical theatre recital programs? And now I have this: a quartet of playlists of repertoire handpicked by me for these fake people, and I am very proud of them. 

All selections based on my very particular taste, honed from a childhood in community theater, an adolescence in high school musicals, and a 4 year degree from a majority musical theatre school

And, as in the tradition of Glee and all plays within a play, the rep reflects something profoundly personal about the character, because you know I love a theme. 

the meta:

Okay so Nate’s was realllllyyyyy hard to pin down, which makes sense because he as a character is hard to pin down, bc the show really only treated him like a whole-ass person for like 2 seasons. But, the beauty of men in musical theatre is they have much more license to just….do whatever the fuck they want—as opposed to women who get put into teeny tiny uncastable little boxes (but that’s a rant for another day). 

The point is, Nate’s type: because of his looks and talent, people try to put him in the romantic leading man box, but he finds that sooooooo boooooooring. He does play some himbos (bc, why not play to your strengths?) but he gravitates to roles that are more of a stretch. The fun roles, the character roles. The ones that less enlightened folk would say he’s “too pretty to play.” He likes to go for the laugh! He doesn’t want to be Billy Bigelow, he wants to be the Emcee! (I also see him having a great run being one of Les Amis in Les Mis in his 20s; and as the hot boy in Mamma Mia.)

His range is—and I hate that I’m saying this but it really is applicable to men in MT–bari-tenor. He can get up there when he wants to, but doesn’t necessarily want to live in the land of the high belt. He has a great low range that makes him prime golden age hunk material, but again, not really his thing. Also, theatrekid!Nate is a DANCER. He’s good on his feet and he knows it!

References: Hugh Jackman, Jonathan Groff, Derek Klena, Killian Donnely, Matthew Morrison (but like, with a better personality); and a kid in my voice studio who I’ll call Bobby, who had the rich low range of a deep voiced angel but could dance his lil heart out. 

the tracklist:

The Streets of Dublin — A Man of No Importance

A story about an Oscar Wilde stan who’s trying his darnedest to put on Salome with his community theater group. He tries to convince his hunky buddy Robbie to join in, but it’s not really Robbie’s thing. 

I’m Not That Smart — The 25th Annual Putnam County Spelling Bee

A zany raunchy comedy where grown ass adults play 12 year olds battling to the bitter end for a spot in the national spelling bee. 

Leaf, a homeschool kid, is endearing, if easily distracted.

Joey, Joey, Joey — The Most Happy Fella

I’ll be honest, I just like this one because when sung right, it’s soooooo hot. 

A traveling farmhand (can you guess his name?) explains why he never stays too long in one place. There’s lots of plot happening around him, but his only job as a character is to be sexy and cause problems. 

Try to Remember — The Fantasticks

It’s the world’s longest running musical ever, so it must be doing something right! It’s an inverse Romeo and Juliet. Two fathers pretend to feud for years, to reverse psychology their children into falling in love. There’s also this spanish bandit? Idk. the fathers go a bit overboard with the plot and some strife happens, but there’s a happy ending!

This is the show opener, sung by the narrator/Spaniard-ex-machina El Gallo

Brush up Your Shakespeare (duet w/ Dan) — Kiss Me, Kate

A musical version of Taming with the Shrew is trying to get off the ground. There’s mobsters and divorced exes with sexual tension and lots of nonsense. And this bop. 

Agony (duet w/ Dan) — Into the Woods 

The only good thing that movie version gave me was Chris Pine tearing his shirt open. Ok, whore. 

Two princes, one in love with Cinderella and one in love with Rapunzel, commiserate on their love lives. I’d call them himbos, but they don’t respect women enough. They’re kinda just sluts. 

I’d Rather Be Sailing — A New Brain

See title for why I picked it. 

The show was written from the composer’s experience when he was diagnosed and treated for an AVM. this song is actually sung by the main character’s boyfriend, so it nautical AND gay!

The Song that Goes Like This (duet w/ Serena) — Spamalot

I can so see Serena and Nate just enjoying being little freaks on stage together, they feed off each other and are big hams. 

Sir Gahalad and the Lady of the Lake tick off the box of the broadway love ballad. And they break some glass. 

I Am Aldopho — The Drowsy Chaperone

Severely underrated musical. This and Curtains are both wild, gershwin-y sounding romps where I don’t really remember the plot, but I remember not being able to breathe for laughing. This show is about a grand 20s wedding, but there’s hijinks afoot, and the bride’s chaperone is drowsy because she’s drunk, and for some reason the Spaniard-ex-machina, Aldolfo, tries to seduce her with this song. I can’t not picture this scene without a cape. 

I Don’t Care Much — Cabaret

I just think. Nate would be such a good MC. I want that for him. I really do. 

MC sings this song as narration, when singer Sally fights with her lover Cliff. Lots of shit is going on, but it’s really about the desperation and precipice and uncertainty that the MC and the Kit Kat Clubbers are living in in jazz age berlin.  

You’ve Got to Be Carefully Taught — South Pacific

MT guys get cast in this role if they look good shirtless, so. And it’s a better song than Younger than Springtime, like, yeesh. (this is the soldier set. I think Nate could also play that Miss Saigon guy, I don’t know the whole show well but I tried to listen to the guys big solo and I could not. anyway.)

Even though he’s in love, Lt. Cable’s deeply entrenched racism causes him to be a total jerk to his wartime love, Liat. Nellie’s same deeply entrenched racism ends her relationship with hot french dilf, Emile, when Emile seeks out advice, this song is Cable’s answer. 

Come Back — Dogfight

Everybody was losing their minds over DEH but the real Pasek and Paul opus is this musical. It only ran off broadway but the feelings! And the songs! 

In SF, a young GI meets and falls for a girl the day before he ships out to Vietnam, also the day before JFK’s assassination. This is the eleven o’clock number. He’s returning home, haunted, and broken, a marked contrast to the kid who left. 

Make ‘Em Laugh — Singin’ in the Rain

A classic! Nate the actor would always be going for the bits 

I Can’t Be Bothered Now — Crazy for You

a role for a DANCER. Bobby is a blue-blood banker’s son who just wants to dance. His mission takes him to a small cow town out west where he puts on a show. Gershwinian nonsense like that. It is very cute, though. 

Moon-faced, Starry-eyed (duet w/ Serena) — Street Scene

Street Scene is technically an opera, but it’s a big extravagant blending of musical styles, from romantic 1900s opera to 1940s jazz. Guess which end of the spectrum this one’s on. It’s the comedic dance break before shit hits the fan in this New York apartment building. I can so see besties Serena and Nate being complete hams in this number.

Mae, a tenant of the building, comes back from a night out with her boyfriend, Dick. They are drunk and they are dancing!

Soul of a Man — Kinky Boots

Nate wearing those shoes. Send post. 

Charlie makes the bold—but sound! —business decision to redirect the family shoe factory to produce shoes designed and marketed towards drag queens. When Charlie snaps from the pressure of running the business, he ponders his family legacy and “what does it mean to be a Man”? Nathaniel-coded!

Not the Boy Next Door — Boy from Oz

I just think….theatre kid!Nate is soooo gay. And being in the “gay by may” MT major world, he grows into himself in a marvelous way. 

Aussie musical legend Peter Allen returns to Australia after his separation from Liza Minelli, and realizes he’s grown out of the place. Also he’s so very Not-Straight.

[jesusmybeauty-blog]

A story of Bre & Ryder that talk to Jesus about frequencies & vibrations and manifestations.

Scripture References

Matthew 21:21

Jesus replied, “Truly I tell you, if you have faith and do not doubt, not only can you do what was done to the fig tree, but also you can say to this mountain, 'Go, throw yourself into the sea,' and it will be done.

Proverbs 18:21, which says “Death and life are in the power of the tongue, and those who love it will eat its fruits.”

Matthew 9:29 “According to your faith let it be done to you"

James 1 But when you ask him, be sure that your faith is in God alone. Do not waver, for a person with divided loyalty is as unsettled as a wave of the sea that is blown and tossed by the wind. 7 Such people should not expect to receive anything from the Lord. 8 Their loyalty is divided between God and the world, and they are unstable in everything they do.

James 3 When we put bits into the mouths of horses to make them obey us, we can turn the whole animal. 4 Or take ships as an example. Although they are so large and are driven by strong winds, they are steered by a very small rudder wherever the pilot wants to go. 5 Likewise, the tongue is a small part of the body, but it makes great boasts. Consider what a great forest is set on fire by a small spark. 6 The tongue also is a fire, a world of evil among the parts of the body. It corrupts the whole body, sets the whole course of one’s life on fire, and is itself set on fire by hell.7 All kinds of animals, birds, reptiles and sea creatures are being tamed and have been tamed by mankind, 8 but no human being can tame the tongue. It is a restless evil, full of deadly poison.9 With the tongue we praise our Lord and Father, and with it we curse human beings, who have been made in God’s likeness. 10 Out of the same mouth come praise and cursing. My brothers and sisters, this should not be. 11 Can both fresh water and salt water flow from the same spring? 12 My brothers and sisters, can a fig tree bear olives, or a grapevine bear figs? Neither can a salt spring produce fresh water.

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

The Lord explains to Bre & Ryder, what happend, “When your belief system fails (in other words when your faith fails), reality changes.

Matthew 14:30 Come,” said Jesus. Then Peter got down out of the boat, walked on the water, and came toward Jesus. 30But when he saw the strength of the wind, he was afraid, and beginning to sink, cried out,  “Lord, save me!”   31Immediately Jesus reached out His hand and took hold of Peter. “You of little faith,” He said, “why did you doubt?”

In the physical realm for instance, all may look the same when you speak words or change your mind but repercussions take place immediately in other dimensions. Bre and I agreed that we were a bit confused.

The Lord Jesus continued, “Reality is full of frequencies and vibrations and waves, that you can’t see right now. Earth people not only don’t see them, most don’t believe that theyr there. Words and thoughts have power and are reality that creates an action. Actions can take place in different dimensions. Different words and thoughts of different intensities, effect frequencies, vibrations and waves differently.” Jesus could see we were still confused.

Angels, carrying large jugs, came out from my cabin, walked out to us and poured them out into the lake. The liquids in the jugs were each a different color.

The colors just sat that all together in the water.

Jesus said, “Now stir the liquids with your fingers anyway you like.”

We knelt down and stuck our fingers in, swirling it, pushing it and splashing it. The liquids went in various directions, in many different combinations. But Bre and I were still not understanding the message.

Jesus said, “Look. What do you see?”

Bre answered, “Just the colors of liquid spreading out to where we sent them.”

“Exactly” Jesus said. Do you get it Ryder? Asked Jesus.

I stood there scratching my head until it hit me, maybe because the Holy Spirit snuck the idea into my head, perhaps.

“Our fingers are like our words or thoughts or our actions that cause counter-reactionsof frequencies, vibrations and waves, that can effect other things. In this case, the counter-reaction is the liquids moving out in various directions to produce a result. Sorta like farming. If you plant good seeds and cultivate them properly you get a good harvest. Bad seed or wrong cultivation gives you bad stuff.

Jesus hugged me, “I knew you weren’t just a pretty face!! Then he asked Bre, do you see now my gem?”

Yes, Lord said Bre, it makes sense now. Reality is very sensitive to what we say, think and do.

The Lord responded, “Yes. You must be careful with your words and thoughts as well as your physical actions, as all produce results that can even be un-intended and dangerous.

“Dangerous?” Bre questioned.

Jesus responds, “Wrong words, thoughts and actions can take a person back to The Book of The Dead. Yes, you two. Harness your words, thoughts and actions, to keep them from spreading out like these liquids in the lake here.”

When we reached the shore, we had a seat as the chariots and horses went to the side of my cabin to wait for us. What Jesus said and showed us was absolutely unbelievable. Oops, I did it again. I stood up desperate, “Jesus, I just did it again! I said “unbelievable” in my head. How do i stop all the waves and frequencies and stuff from spreading out against me? I don’t want to go back to the Book of The Dead!!” I was on my knees now in front of Jesus.

Jesus smiled, “Relax Ryder. Just quickly admit your mistake. Say you want No part in what you wrong said thought or did and move forward. Try not to go off course again. It gets easier as you go along. Make proper frequencies, vibrations and waves part of your life.

Bre asked, “How do we know what’s best things for us, so we don’t make mistakes that were not even aware of?”

Jesus responded, “That’s a great question Briella. Most people never consider that question. They usually go along, doing whatever they think is right. Many blindly walk back into The Book of the Dead

Proverbs 14:12 There is a way which seems right unto a man; But the end thereof are the ways of death.

“What they say, think and do may look good, but it’s not.” Said the Lord. Some never left the Book of The Dead, thinking or being told by other contras, that they are safely in the Book of Life. When they are not. This is a problem in the world. The people parade around in their fake world’s that they’ve created, with their whitewashed words, thoughts and actions, thinking to themself that all is well. satan holds some of the blame too.”

“satan“ we both said agrily at the same time.

“Yes, satan.” The Lord said, with a serious look.

He placed his hands on our shoulders making a point to pay attention to what he is going to say.

“satan assists people to carry on with their distorted words, thoughts and actions, making them believe that they are on the right path. You both seen many examples of the many people that are run by satan and his army. They are death camps and contras are just his puppets. What they do is profane.”

“Profane?” I didnt know what Jesus meant by that. I know what they are doing is way off course, as you call it, but they’re saying that even sincere people who are trying to do right, are running death kingdoms? They’re profane? I thought profane was like saying bad words.”

Jesus continued, “The definition of profane, is one of those words that people have altered to fit their personal agenda. Same as words like “good” or “nice” and “truth” and “love”, to name a few.  People make up their own definition of words to make them fit their lives. When they should be fitting their lives to the true definition of the words.

“Profane has a simple definition. It’s anything that people do that has NOT been initiated by me.”

“Proverbs 3:6 Seek his will in all you do, and he will show you which path to take.“

 Briella was frowning. “You mean, that all these circuses that people run and go to, are death camps? Isn’t some of what they do OK?”

The Lord responded, “Call them death camps, death farms, cenmeteries or graveyards, they’re all profanewhen they operate even a portion of them under their own hand. One wrong move can profane all the rest.”

To cement his teaching to us, he took us back over to the lake. “Look at the colored liquids that you two moved with your hands. What do they look like?”

We looked over the water. Some of it was spread out far out into the lake. Most of it had washed up on the shore and was sitting on the beach. “It looks pretty but it’s all over the place. Its a mess.” We said.

“Exactly.” You weren’t deliberately trying to make a mess. You were not trying to fail, but as you can see, as you say, it’s a mess. “Now put your hands back in the water and let me guide you”

We did as Jesus asked. As Jesus spoke, we each moved our hands in different ways as he, guided us. The colored liquids immediately reacted. Waves from our hands washed the liquid from the beach, back into the water. The liquid that had drifted off was coming back. When the liquids came together. Jesus asked us to stop. “What do you see?”

“It’s a Barn!!” Bre squeeld!

“Yes, it’s a barn. Now take one finger and do your own thing again.”

Bre takes her baby finger and barely touched the water with it. The result was the barn eventually became unrecognizable.

Now do you see? Jesus asked.

“I think so” Ryder answered. “So, when people operate their lives under just their owns desires, it may look pretty or good to them and some others. But, in reality, there are waves, vibrations and frequencies moving them and their life in the wrong or even dangerous ways that they can’t see. Ways that harm other people and their own lives too.”

“And”.... The Holy Spirit said..

“And, uh, and, if we want to obtain worthwhile, eternal results for our lives and the lives of others, we need to wait until you help us. We should work with you on when to go, then on how, when and where to move, and when to stop. otherwise the end result is just a mess.

Bre nodded in agreement as I spoke and added “These contra ways all lead to death.”

The LORD responded, “Very Good. You both are very sharp students. The best results are when we all work together as a team. Jesus smiled, God the Father and the Holy Spirit smiled with him.

God the Father added, “And whose the father of messes and death?”

We both knew the answer to that one. They heard our thoughts.

Jesus responded, “Excellent”

Now you’ll find that this teaching relates to our next Op.

The End.

[vinoctu]

@devilwithoutfear

Being dead was boring. Well, not dead. Elektra wasn't sure dead was the right word anymore. There had been an indeterminable period of time where she certainly couldn't be classified as living. There was a certain irony to be found in the fact that the woman pulled from the abyss of nonexistence had shackled her heart to a man so entangled in the soul's battle between heaven and hell. It was far simpler for her. Elektra had died. She had tasted death and it was nothing. It was nothing more than just another way for the world to try to take advantage and victimize her.

Elektra believed in no God. There was no God who cared for her or called her his own. Elektra did, however, believe in Matthew. It was through him that she found all things holy.

Dead, alive, whatever. For some reasons out of her hands, Elektra found that death was more temporary than she had originally been led to believe. She was on her third (?) go at it now. The first one had been complicated, full of trying and failing. The second one was a desperate blur that began in blood. This time? This time, Elektra was doing what she pleased — and nothing pleased her more than doing Matthew Murdock.

It was more than the physical, of course. His hands made her human, tamed the feral in her that no finishing school could have polished into submission. For him, she tried. She attempted to bottle up the wail inside of her and dull fangs that had been sharpened to a deadly point. This was a new reality, a new chance. Elektra did not want to let sins of the past bloody their present before they had a chance to live once more.

Being pulled into this new reality meant being pulled from the hole she had dug for herself. It wasn't a grave seven feet under, but it was an isolation she had exiled herself to after crawling from the ruins that should have killed her and Matthew. She had tried to stay away from him so that he could have the full life he deserved, but this multiversal mess had changed things. They were adrift, and she had always looked to him to be her shore.

"I'm bored." Accented syllables dripped from pouted lips. In her attempt to not make a stir, Elektra was laying painfully low. "Come, Matthew." One hand extended. "Sit."

[benefits1986]

Unlikely Friends: Matthew, Anhedonia & Sangria

When life's highs and lows look and feel the same, what's left of you, really?

I gave Friends so many good tries from then until now; however, I'd choose Big Bang reruns as my white noise anytime. You see, the whole cast looked too polished and that their jokes maybe spot on, but I can't seem to get why they had to look too skinny and too mainstream. This was back in grade school in local TV and up until now. So, let's be clear with that.

Of course, I don't say this out loud as much especially when I have close friends who swear by this series. To each their own. Besides, one of the guys I dated has a complete Friends Lego set and bona fide fan, so, ayun na nga. Hahahahaha.

Anyway, I was moved by the last post of Matthew Perry. I liked him a lot in The Whole Nine Yards which dad and I watched in our generic VCD player several times. Good copy pa! Those good old days. I have been interacting with a good number of Gen X the past years and I must say that this bunch may be having a tougher time than Gen MZ.

As a graphic example, when my ina died, my tita who's a menopausal babe, reached out to me several times. She wanted to understand why she has been feeling unexplainably sad even when she knew that we all fought a good fight for and with my ina. She even asked, is this what depression feels like? Ang gara pala. Ito na ba talaga 'yun or baka nalulungkot lang talaga ako.

I could have dropped bombs everywhere, but, in the name of choosing to be kinder, I took several deep and deeper breaths. While I lost my mom, every experience is unique. In the same plane that our DNA are only ours (for now), death of a loved one is universal and inescapable.

I told her that depression should be clinically diagnosed but there are telltale signs. I asked her to take a break instead of indulging in her busy schedule. I requested that she may reach out to close friends who've undergone the same route for moral support. She can't explain why she knows she is okay but something is off. She has been updating me ever since but I try my best to keep a safe distance.

So, Matthew is a Gen X. Had to look it up because '69 looks like a boomer and Paperback Writer by The Beatles landed no. 1 in Billboards in that year, June 25 to be exact.

What hits home hard is his story about how phenobarbital was given to him to tame his crazy cries. My brother also took these highly addictive drugs to cure his meningitis. I never thought that my brother had a mental situation growing up. All I saw was that he's a special case and he was spoiled to death. LOL. All I felt was that he was my cross to bear and I am but a Christmas elf who slaves of my fat ass all-year round. While I totally understood that he is a special case to infinity and beyond, somehow, I care for him in a unique way. He and I may have a love-hate-hate-love-hate-hate relationship, but I'm keeping my promise mom forced me literally before she breathed her last breath. Hahahahahaha. Shemay.

This book also tackles anhedonia, my TIL. Wow. As in. It has been a term that's been in existence since 1897 from Theodule Ribot. Damn. So, this is what I may be feeling for a long time. Sakto lang lahat. Kaya lahat. Matatawid lahat. However, there are glimmers amidst the triggers.

Truth is, one of the fuck ups of the depressive state is trying not to feel too happy. There's this feeling that being too happy will just bring me back to the rabbit hole once the euphoria dies. 'Yung alam naman ng rational self ko na happiness is but a feeling pero ayoko siyang i-embrace. Sakit. 'Yung masyadong tinatalinuhan ang arguments instead of just riding the waves of emotions and waiting for the other waves to come, because they will come naman. Circle of life baga.

Coming across anhedonia at this time in my life coupled with Gabor Mate, Brene Brown and my so-called slow growth szn, may I be able to choose to be happy, instead of being too RBF. Okay. Fine. Puwede namang RBF pero may emotions na rin, kahit onti. Speaking of not feeling anything, let me share why I love unli sangria. Eto na po. Siguro eto 'yung drink na very nostalgic.

I attended a wedding way back and I had liters of sangria because ansarap. Legit. Dun ko first time sinagad 'yung aking lakas because I don't drink irresponsibly. Hindi ako ganun. But that night, solid na solid. As in nagtanggal na ako ng high heels at naka slippers na lang ako. Hahaha. Buti, mababait kasama ko. Safe space. So ayun na nga. The feeling that unli sangria gave me was to feel high and the flat line as in super sarap ng tulog ko na parang wala na ako sa earth levels is just sooooo precious. As an overthinker, wine pacifies me. Nakakalma ako, in style pa kuno. Hahahahahahah. Saka it keeps me up as well. 'Yung may kick siya talaga as in. Poetic shitballs pa because the wine glass is just too sexy for me. Ewan ko ba. Hindi siya because of soshal or mainstream kasi I like drinking sangria alone best. Nakakarami po tayo like wtf. 'Pag may kasama kasi, social thing siya. May certain social grace kahit ubusan pa rin ng lakas at budget. Plus, ang mahal ng sangria ha! E ang dali lang naman gawain nun. :p And mura pa.

A reminder lang din na don't mix anhedonia and sangria unless gusto ko ng mapunta sa beyond ng infinity real quick. Very timely ito since I'm feeling that I'm authentically healing bit by bit na after 11 years of being stuck in the rabbit hole. It's still a daily struggle na mala-EDSA meets raining in Manila vibe. It's still a constant choice na hindi birong piliin at maraming back-sliding. It's still a leap of faith. It's still growing in my defunct system that's fortified with my trusted trust issues. LOL. But, things could be better and so could be the world, or the universe, rather.

While hearing his stories, Matthew is now my official unlikely Friend. I can't help but think that he might have this planned all along. Kung baga, his death made a stronger statement in a taboo kahit pa sabihing progressive tayong lahat. Thank you, Matthew for showing us your super flawed life and demise. May it remind us that while drinking and smoking are therapeutic, they don't numb the pain. I've shared this a good number of times, but lemme share it again and again. What's wore than being numb of pain? It's still feeling the pain even when you're numbed by alcohol, drugs, sex and all forms of addiction.

Glad to know my current org has an HMO for mental health. It also makes me feel good that we have 30 wellness leaves and in my team, there's a mental health advocate who happens to be a good friend, too. :) 'Di ba? The universe is finally aligning. Kaya hirap mag-yes sa ibang invites to be honest kahit super tempting. Sana talaga magkaroon ng forever work from anywhere set up. Sana.

I have yet to finish this 5-hour audio book, but, I'd like to write this out here and now.

[sinvulkt]

Devil's Own by gaelicspirit

Set post S1. Daredevil may be the Man Without Fear, but Matt Murdock is terrified. Especially when the law isn’t enough and Daredevil can’t save everyone. It’s said that there is someone in Hell’s Kitchen who will hear a cry for help, but what if the person calling out is Matt? Who saves him when Daredevil can’t?

Whatever Matt was going to say was lost to the storm. He wavered, his legs buckling. Foggy was out of the doorway and across the roof before Matt’s knees hit the surface, his friend collapsing against him in a tangle of trembling limbs.

“I gotcha,” Foggy promised. Karen felt tears blend with the smack of snow across her cheek. “I gotcha, buddy.” Completed, 50k words.

*** ** * ** ***

Chapter 3:

“You remember what I told you?”

“Yeah,” Matt half-grinned. “You said nothing drives people to church faster than the Devil snapping at their heels.”

“Yes, well,” Father Lantom seemed to sink in on himself a bit as he stepped back from the heater. “I also said it could be you calling on the better angels of your nature. Maybe this feeling of loneliness is simply you searching for a reason to continue to do what you’re doing.”

“I know why I do it,” Matt protested, pulling on his jacket and suppressing a shiver. “If you heard all the pain that I do, Father, you wouldn’t question it either.”

“Whose pain, Matthew?” Father Lantom posed, and Matt felt his own heart trip slightly. “The people of the city? Or yours?”

Matt frowned again, confused. “I’m not—“

“You are in pain, Matthew,” Lantom interrupted. “It bleeds from you, calling to me just as surely as those voices you hear throughout the city.”

Matt took a step back, feeling along the edge of the table for his glasses. He didn’t want to know this, didn’t want to accept that someone heard the same cries from him that he heard from the city. He didn’t know what to do with that information.

“You see, that’s what pain does: it strips away the pretense, the lies, and shows us what is on the inside of each of us.”

Matt found his glasses, sliding them in place as is lip curled around a bitter retort. “Looks like it’s pretty obvious what’s under my lies, then, Father. And it’s no angel.”

He turned and made his way confidently toward the back door of the basement where he knew a set of narrow, cement stairs would take him back up to the street. He only paused a moment when he heard Father Lantom whisper, “I wouldn’t be so sure.”

Chapter 4:

That boy has the Devil in him. It fuels him. Drives him.” She looked up at Karen. “And when it destroys him, it will burn down all those around him.”

Chapter 7:

He’d made this choice. To be this thing. To tame the Devil and be alone in this.

Be alone in the world.

Smart is making the right decision at the right time.

The hands seemed to multiply. There were so many he couldn’t tell who they belonged to, if any were his own. They hurt, and goddammit, he was tired of hurting. He was tired of listening to every sound, the sounds under the voices, behind the noises, the words people didn’t say when they were talking.

He was tired of the world being so loud.

“C’mon, Matt, you’re stronger than this. You can beat this, now, c’mon!”

Be careful of the Murdock boys. They got the Devil in ‘em.

It was better this way. Better alone. He couldn’t get them hurt. Couldn’t hurt anymore.

“Please, Matt, just listen to my voice, okay? Just listen to me. You’re not alone. You never were.”

He heard the voice. And the others that joined it. They ebbed, splashing on his ears like water. He wanted to sink beneath the surface where the darkness was pervasive. The darkness he’d always worked around, struggled against. It waited for him now; in a place where pain was non-existent. Where it didn’t matter who he was or wasn’t.

Beneath the surface the past was not even a memory. It was nothing.

He wanted to be nothing

[nochiquinn]

campaign 3 episode 28: the chaos gremlin strikes again

oh no

liam just stays like that the rest of the game

cashapp being a sponsor is so weird to me

>>there's still a pandemic >>goes to comicon

NO I'm not done being mad about it

"otohan cruel" freudian slip

taliesin no

link….be careful, link….

BUCK FUCKET

I preemptively want this animated

"I can do it, it's FINE"

the map lighting is making everybody look good

well, better than usual

critrolecloset find me sam's shirt

"best friend" did they get divorced :(

if someone doesn't throw banana peels I'm leaving

YEAH YEAH HELL YEAH

liam gets me

there's no law on the books that says a wolf can't play death race

travis is actively hiding

start chewing on wires

name it regigigas bc it's slow to get going

festivalities

turian clan paint

YOU get a bane, and YOU get a bane

"hold on letTERSSSS"

I DESPERATELY want this animated

"deez nuts draw first blood"

laudna my beloved

beam-beam

the flag comes down and there's just an explosion of magic from the middle of the pack

[extreme southern accent] 'cause I'm a pot-hole~

someday I will find that ad to explain why that line is burned into my subconscious

god bless u sam

TEAM DRYBONES

magnet rage

MEAN MAX

okay I'm zoning out I gotta make popcorn

the car is Bugged

NOT THE BEES

ten and two imogen

ah yes, exploding head syndrome

yessssss

pace car fearne

someone draw Tex Avery Ashton please

some days you just can't get rid of a bomb

does this count as critical role parties vs old people

oranges broke her fall it's fine

tesla self-driving car

hey! rude

"they're IN MY ASSHOLE, so I figure they're grappleable"

THERE'S NO LAW ON THE BOOKS

"to help with the net!"

"SATAN TAKE THE WHEEL"

"we're on a precarious cliffside" turn into a fish

"whore dynamite" gdi I just changed my twitter name

"I'm just gonna throw up in her face" like a baby buzzard

"I don't have a mini for [a banana peel]" "how DARE"

fart gust

action surge ankle hack

I love one (1) halfling

I ME-LEE'D HIM FOR YOU GAN

hsfhdjklsa

this is gonna be a hell of a ride at criticalroleland

SLAMMAGE

"I have no sense of shame left in me"

"I'm also now sitting in your lap"

no fuck a gravity well, imogen sitting in ashton's lap supremacy

what in the deadlights

"let's tame it and ride it"

countdown to travis saying kakarot

"why specifically travis" this man first contacted his future wife to try to weasel his way into a DBZ role bc she was voicing kid trunks at the time

it has a WHAT

did he just call travis fjord

"I think it's laudna bc the left blinker has been on for a while"

is the left blinker just fcg's eye

ah geeze there's almost 2 hours left

as the map blinds liam and laura

I am overly enamored by the maplight reflecting in taliesin's glasses

"meets it beats it" is still the stupidest rule

AKIRA BIKE SLIDE

welp I know exactly which part of tumblr just exploded

we don't talk about the cloud motorcycle fight

"fang-like teeth" matthew they're just fangs

pffft them still being awkward

rude???

it's one bladed barrier, what can it weigh, a couple hundred pounds?

did they rename skronky's ring

D:

imogen presenting laudna to fcg: fix her

oh that's so fucking cute

I feel like there hasn't been as much orym and fearne outside of liam making very sure we know he sleeps curled up in the back of her knee and the Pointed Looks whenever fearne is being fearne

dusk is 0/2

"why hasn't anyone asked you to dinner?" this is the neighborhood watch committee reminding everyone that necrophilia is still illegal

(if you get that reference I hope your back pain clears up soon)

travis and ashley are communicating entirely via eyebrows rn

I have processed none of this. half because it's 2 am and half bc trying to decipher travis and ashley's faces

OH?

imogen no but also OH?

just wii shop music

OH???

dusk what the fuck is up with that

chetney has his arm wrapped around dusk's fingertips

"so much bouncer"

travis senses sus

travis what r u doin

TRAVIS

after watching the old man "I see you" gives me psychic damage

"so you're not trying to kill fearne's parents?" "…nnnooOOOOOoOoO?"

CAST WHISPERS

fearne propositions them both

DUSK

I mean chetney fully did this to himself but D U S K

"kill your whole family" IS a well known idiom

liam's face

liam

LIAM

"I go on a murder spree" "congratulations"

"not in a creepy way"

and imogen doesn't even have chetney's whatever, she's just Jealous

imogen you're gonna get psychic backlash'd

curved walls, CURVED WALLS

jdfksjl dusk rebounded onto fearne

BACKWARDS KNEES

"I don't know what I was expecting but it was that"

I'm just remembering marisha going IS THAT MY MOM when they realized it was vilya

matt's southern accent is the best

oh nooooo

UH OH

OH NO

that's extremely cool but also NO

she has this written down

CHANGELING?

erika you wrote this down

ART

ERIKA

MATTHOLOMEW MERCER

that laugh

DON'T YOU HIGH FIVE OVER THAT

erika u fuckin chaos gremlin

I WAS CORRECT

"I DIDN'T LOOK LIKE THAT"