#managed to avoid it this entire time
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#ya bitch's got covid#managed to avoid it this entire time#but my parents got it again and gave it to me 🥴#am really worried about the long term effects since im already chronically ill in other ways#blehhhh my sib and i are so fuckin careful outside the house still but my parents just HAD to go to a massive concert#shut up cj#woof like im doing better today than i was yesterday but im PISSED
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Need it to be 1 am right now I want those leaks
#everyone point and laugh at the bitch in CST#I don’t remember what time leaks drop. it might be later.#if they manage to avoid leaks entirely I’m gonna have to sleep bc jst18:00 is 6am for me </3
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Stick figure skeletons (Patreon)
#Doodles#UT#Papyrus#Sans#Cutest little lads#I had a good handful of stick figures of them from my 2015/2016 notebook and it really is a cute style#Y'know funny enough now that I think of it lol - Those doodles were also in December!#(I'm tagging these in December still lol hi from the past)#It's that Undertale time of year <3 Apparently I first found it Dec. 17th 2015 hehe#A little late to the party! But not terribly so ♪ And I had managed to avoid spoilers up to that point lol#I do still have some vague memories of watching it for the first time#I watched a Pacifist run first and cried - of course#And then watched a Genocide run soon after and cried even more#I remember being very confused as to what the Fight timing option even was the first time I saw it lol#Since in Pacifist you can go the entire time without even accidentally using it! You can ACT or ITEM instead#It's interesting to think back on such a huge shift in culture on the broadscale#And also a personal milestone :) Something that tipped the scales!#Something that even now I'm grateful for and think of fondly ♥#And it's all still fun to draw! What more could I ask for haha#I think with this super-simple style in particular I like making their designs complement each other#So Papyrus is all stick lines and Sans has thicker bones#Papyrus' eyes are upright and Sans' are laid flat haha#They both have circle heads to start tho! Papyrus just gets a rectangle grafted on for his jaw lol#They're easy to pose together like this too!#It's fun and silly ♪ Just how I like :D
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It’s time to read more about tomb raider! Let them meet again after the almost drowning incident and let there be teamwork fighting against a group of treasure hunters! :D
"Will you stop?!"
Thena - surprisingly - stopped squirming behind his back against her own binds. Her chair stopped rattling against the floor as she stilled. She huffed. "I'm sorry, were you trying to get some sleep?"
He joined her in her frustration. "I just mean conserve your energy. We don't even know how long we've been down here, let alone how much longer we have ahead."
She went quiet, and he was quite sure he was more uncomfortable with it than she was. Thena spoke two languages: yelling, and sass. He was unfamiliar with any quieter sides of hers.
"I'm sorry."
The simple words gave him chills. He whipped his head around but all it did was hurt his neck, and he couldn't even get a glimpse of her anyway. "What?"
"They followed us all the way out here and I had no idea."
"I didn't either," he interjected.
"I was the one who came up with the plans. The next time they come down here, I'll tell them I can guide them, but only if they release you." Now she was really talking crazy.
"What the hell are you talking about?" he grumbled, now starting the game of fruitlessly tugging at his binds again. "You think I'm going anywhere without you?"
"We may not be afforded another option," she bit back, also turning her head. He could feel her ponytail against the back of his neck. "If at least one of us makes it out, there's a chance of escape."
"There's no way you believe that if you cooperate they won't hurt you," he snorted.
"I didn't say I believed that."
He jerked his shoulders, attempting to get a look at her again. The backs of their chairs clanged together, although they were still technically bolted to the floor. What little movement they did get on them was from the general state of the ship's disrepair. "Don't be stupid, Thena."
She didn't even have a scathing retort about him assuming such a thing about her Ladyship.
"Once they come back, we'll reason our way through this." Sure, he didn't totally believe what he was saying either. But it was a better solution than Thena giving herself up as a bargaining chip for his life. "All they want is the bounty, right? Your plans were solid, and I doubt any of them can dive for as long as you can. We'll-"
"Gil."
She was right, there were few options they had which might lead to their escape. They knew the risks, running in the circles they did. There was always a risk.
"You have connections on the mainland," she continued to talk him through things like she was coaching him. "Tell them that they can collect your bounty if they return with you."
Rather then killing them both and leaving them somewhere.
"And what about you?" he just barely dared to ask.
She took a damn long time to answer, twisting his gut all the way around itself. "Karun and Druig always know the risks of our field. They have instructions should I fail to return one day."
Gil scoffed loudly, rolled his eyes, shook his head--all of it. Anything to convey to her just how ridiculous this was. "I am not going to just leave you here, let alone with those-"
"Gil-"
"They slapped you, Thena," he reiterated, since that didn't seem to matter to her as much as it did to him. "They backhanded you across the face. I'm not exactly counting on them to uphold a gentlemanly agreement."
He leaned forward, pulling at the legs of the chair, still bolted to the floor by a couple of rattling brackets.
"It wasn't how I saw our collaborative efforts ending," she tried putting on a lighter tone, as if that would distract him from the gravity of all this. "But I must admit, we make a good team, Gilgamesh."
He huffed, leaning as forward as he could, "don't 'Gilgamesh' me."
"Could we not spend what might be our last time together arguing?"
He paused in his efforts, partly to catch his breath, and partly to twist his neck again. "I thought you loved arguing."
"I love anything at which I can win."
Well, there was the Thena he knew and tolerated.
Her tone changed again, and he felt her hands move from being tightly balled up fists. Her fingers fluttered around, as if searching for his. "But arguing with you was always a byproduct of the job. Your company from the same side is far preferable."
If he didn't know better, he could think she was admitting to some fondness for him. But he did know better, and beyond that, this was not going to be the pre-burial-at-sea confession she thought it was.
"Who said you could talk?!"
The door slammed against the back wall. All the hinges in this place were falling apart. The men filtered into the room, fully armed and just as dark in expression as when they had found them.
Thena glared at them of course. "You didn't gag us. I don't see how you expected us to remain silent."
"Silence might do you some good." The same one who had struck her before raised his hand again, just barely in Gil's periphery.
He jerked in his chair, "don't touch her!"
They all laughed at his noble effort to protect her. The hand changed from an open palm to grasp her chin instead. She jerked back like a caged animal, but he grabbed harder. "Is she your pretty little treasure?"
Thena practically growled at them even with her cheeks smushed.
"That's all you want, right--the artifact we got sent here to find?" he clarified, doing everything but snapping his neck right off his shoulders to try and see what they were doing. "I'll take you, but only if she's unharmed."
"Relax, big guy," another one instructed, even slapping the grabby one's hand away from Thena's face. "The bounty from the artifact is only half of it. There's also the matter of you two."
Thena must have made a face, because they glared at her again. "We have no insurance policies on us, if that's what you're after."
"Not at all, girlie," he chuckled at her. "The museum will pay his ransom, surely. And as for you...you're sitting on an old family estate, aren't you? That will do nicely."
Gil was desperately trying to think of something but if anything, Thena relaxed. He kept his mouth shut though; they hadn't mentioned Druig or Karun, which meant they didn't know about them. They hadn't done reconnaissance on them or anything, they just happened to be their lucky catch of the day.
"You're right, you will guide us to the artifact." The men began gravitating towards the door again, one with his hand already on it. "And when we have it in our possession, then you'll make the ransom call for us."
The grabby one rattled the handle in his grasp. "We might have to rough her up some, just to make it believable."
Gil launched forward. The chair came clean off the floor as he cried out in his rage. He hunched forward, swinging the legs around as a line of defense. He turned, charging at their captors.
His shoulder jabbed into the most dominant one, crushing him against the handle of the door and doing some good damage to his back. He slumped down. He turned as fast as he could, using the legs of the chair to do some damage to the other two.
The grabby one grunted as he got hit in the gut. Gil positioned himself better, throwing himself back and ramming the legs into his shoulders. He screamed at the top of his lungs but Gil did little more than grimace. "Relax, it's not like I stabbed you."
He tried to get a sound out, but the wind had been knocked out of him. Gil looked down at him, holding out at a hand as if to plead for something. Unfortunately for him, that was the hand he'd used to slap Thena, and Gil wasn't feeling particularly forgiving.
Thena winced as he rammed the chair leg into his open mouth. "I never took you for the sadistic type."
But he didn't have a witty retort for her. He knelt down, feeling around the mess of bodies for a knife. "I'm tired of him yapping."
Thena sighed as stood again. "I suppose it's a better option for us. We still don't know how many of them are out there."
"Let's not be tied up when we find out," he groused. He walked back around her. "Got it?"
She did have it, grasping the knife firmly, passed from his hands to hers behind their backs. "You seem confident I won't slice anything essential"
"Like you say, we may not have a better option," he conceded. He strained the ropes tired around him, pulling as Thena attempted to pressure the blade against them. It wasn't a great angle, or a serrated blade. But he continued to pull as she worked, eventually pulling them apart before she could slice through the middle.
The knife clattered to the floor between them.
"Okay," he sighed as he finally pulled his arms around to his front again. They hurt, and usually it would be more ideal to move them slowly. But he swung them around, desperately needing their full range of motion sooner than later. "I've got you."
He worked at Thena's ropes more gently. They were tied tight, but he could see the red irritation in her pale skin more. "Do you know how far out we were when they found us?"
Her ropes snapped apart, and he immediately grasped her shoulders, rolling them forward for her slowly and gently.
"Well, someone was hogging the radar," he commented, and was rewarded with her turning in the seat, skipping over examining her wrists in favor of glaring at him. He grinned, "but I know the jetski you used to get to the boat is still being towed. If we can get to a railing, we can definitely swim under the ship and get to it in time to get outta here."
It wasn't his most risk-free plan, but they both knew the risks--had just gone over them, in fact.
Thena nodded, rubbing her wrists but wearing the usually determined expression he had come to expect. "Lead the way, then."
He planned on it, and not out of some need to protect her or anything. It just made good sense.
They hugged the walls all the way up. He really didn't know how many of them were on board, but he dreaded to think about the possibilities considering the expected crew for any boat this size. He looked over his shoulder and nodded his head.
Thena showed her understanding; they weren't far now.
He held out his hand. She gave him a look but he shook it at her. He wasn't going to let them get separated again. Begrudgingly, she slipped her hand into his. It was cold.
Gil looked both ways before dashing across the deck and to the railing. No life boats, of fucking course. He climbed over the railing while Thena crouched between the top and middle bar. He looked at her. "Ready?"
She didn't reply, but she let her hand give his a squeeze.
"Don't let go." He didn't know why he said it. There was no need, but he held her hand, getting ready to free dive into the water and potentially be chased down like wild animals.
"I won't." That was much more assuring than anything she could have said about them making it. She looked ahead, resuming her usual role of being the one to pull him along.
And despite their rivalry, he would follow her anywhere.
#Thenamesh Tomb Raider AU#thank you for the ask!!!#I hope this feels like that world#that vibe#Thena jetskis out to the boat#like the intro scene for the second movie#and she totally isn't showing off becuase she likes to look badass#definitely not#she and Gil are here to work together to find this thing#and the crew for the ship they hired totally don't say all they do is flirt#or bicker like a married couple#and it's bickering like a married couple not like siblings#how you ask?#because the entire time Thena is in a bikini instead of her diving wetsuit#Gil is hellbent on either avoiding looking at her#or subtly trying to get a towel around her while others are around#he's not here to tell her how she can and can't dress#but some of the crew is checking her out a little too much for his liking#and he doesn't speak the language to tell them to fuck right off#anyway these two are in deep shit#and still bickering#they manage to get away#jet ski back to the mainland#they report the pirates but they have to wait for the proper authorities to handle things#Thena is seen for the bruising on her face and Gil says the enemy fought amonst themselves#not that one of them is missing most of his teeth now because of him#Thena will never forget Gil yelling 'don't touch her'#she is SHOOK#but he doesn't need to know that
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it's actually so fascinating to me that Brennan has created a character that maintains a pretty relaxed and mild-mannered demeanor and has said multiple times that the absolute Core of her is "FEAR" and how often we see this Fear manifest specifically in Avoidance; it really nails a relationship to that mentality where your brain fully Stops recognizing the emotion properly out of like, sheer self-defense from the stress of having to carry it all the time
I think this is also perfectly showcased in the way we tend to see Tula swing so suddenly from 'level and steady' to 'snarling Panic' and then back again - Just because your brain has detached itself from the Conscious Recognition of the emotion doesn't mean it can Actually stop itself from experiencing it. So the Fear is always there and always acting as a stressor, but because of that inability to Identify it there's no way to recognize or address it before that final straw hits and your bodymind jumps Straight into Full Meltdown Mode; but then once again, once you drop even a Little bit below that Peak Terror your brain ceases to process the emotion; it's like the most exhausting form of Poor Object Permanence in the world
And even if Tula is aware of this happening to her, that doesn't really make it any easier to deal with / address. Even if you're able to spot the symptoms Around the emotion -- chest pain, irritation, nausea, whatever -- because the Emotion Itself is basically impossible to find, you can't really Successfully Pin Down what the problem is OR a way to cope with it. If you can't figure out That You Are Anxious, then figuring out What Is Making You Anxious is impossible, which makes Find A Way To Make Peace With That incomprehensible. That's where the Avoidance comes in: you can no longer identify what might be a Dangerous Situation, which means that Anything New has a big potential to be Really Bad in a variety of ways (ranging "I don't Feel Good" to "Fully Lashing Out bc you've entered Fight/Flight and can't get out of it" to "Actual Outside Danger This Time") and that means the Only Way you know how to be Safe is to just Avoid Doing Anything New and Only stick to Familiar Situations, because anything unfamiliar is a monster of a gamble you don't know how to prepare for or cope with
#N posts stuff#one could argue ‘we see tula worry a lot tho’ but that’s bc Worry is an Action that can occur Separately from Recognizing Anxiety#now that I know tumblr will put a hard cap on your tags w/o telling you i'm resigning myself to posting rambling meta in post body#but i'm not happy about it; anyway i love how often life is full of Coincidences bc this is something I've Finally identified in myself#like. This Month. like this is brand new articulation for some of the problems i have in life; again knowing this doesn't help lmao#bc even when you know to look Around the shape of the emotion - like 'oh my face is Snarling rn. i'm probably experiencing Something'#like i said bc you don't know What that something is OR What might have caused it then the only solution you Ever get to come up with#is just 'fully retreat and go calm down somewhere else' which INVARIABLY means that you will wind up in that same situation again#and Still have no idea how to handle it bc you never could figure out what caused it so you don't know how to handle it any better than#'fully retreat and go calm down somewhere else'; so 'be somewhere else' is the ONLY way you can ever think to Help it#which usually invariably turns into 'Just Avoid Fucking Everything just in case'; which doesn't work! bc life doesn't let you do that#so then it's just a cycle of falling into the same pitfalls and feeling miserable all the time; gotta love it :)#if you're like me this also gives you Bad Bad Bad Memory bc your brain will Promptly hide evidence of Scary Situation instinctively#like 3 weeks ago this dude ran a red light and almost t-boned me Full Speed & managed to stop like. maybe 3 feet away.#and i like. Startled Laughed and said 'that was scary' and then within 30 seconds i had Fully Forgotten it happened & only remembered#like 2 days ago. Ha! believe it or not this Does Not Help with 'How can I Address the Problem instead of Avoiding It Entirely?'#dimension 20#d20: stupendous stoats#tula#d20lb
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yknow. the superstore writers were nuts for that. i really did, honest to god, think that amy and jonah were broken up for good and that was how the whole thing was gonna end. i'd already gone through the five stages of grief and i'd reached acceptance and reframed the whole thing as a Tragedy in my head. what i was NOT prepared for was america ferrera reappearing for the ending and the amy/jonah relationship getting salvaged from the abyss within the space of two 20 minute episodes. insane. and they're married! love is real!!!!!!!!!!!! love is so real!!!
#please ignore me i just need to exorcise my inner 14 year old about this. anyway so i have. uh. been watching superstore#this is all about a sitcom. unbelievably. yet this couple were conveyed so insanely well throughout the whole thing#i haven't been visibly deranged about superstore here because i've been quietly watching the entire 6 series and avoiding spoilers on here#of course the end was kinda rushed due to time limits but i was genuinely impressed how they managed to make it feel as natural as it did#that was good writing man. i almost cried a bit#often when this sort of thing happens in media it can come across as corny & forced but idk. this hit different#it was a genuinely good & poignant end#superstore
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sorry for the sopranos-posting i just watched season 6 in the space of 6 days and i feel insane and fucked up about it and the situation is likely to continue
#i managed to avoid spoilers the entire time i was watching it by never once googling it or seeking out any associated content#but now i'm ready to run riot
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saw ppl on twitter commenting about some comic cover with character getting married not unlike people do when it's celebrities and thinking about social media reactions to stuff bc it's always amusing to me (and extra amusing to think about how the characters would feel about the comments). akali and eve getting married? a bunch of love and support but also so many ppl like 'wait they're gay???' bc they're stupid. (also the soc media event of criticizing or complimenting everyone's outfits for weddings like whenever there's a gala or award and such). qiyana and draven dating? fans of one or the other saying they're not good enough for them. fans stanning like it's the only couple ever. but also regardless of whose relationship people are discussing some comments like the ones in the post I saw that are just "since when are they dating" (they're getting married) "what about y person?" (they've been exes for like years now) "they both look great but i doubt the wedding will last" "why didn't they get married before" more comments about how the ex probably feels about it that thing where ts fans were just like "STOP DATING HIM" etc etc
#» out of character — ⌜main sup irl.⌟#do your muses actively avoid seeing whatever the public opinion is#how mad do they get abt managers and such possibly bringing it up in a very 'this is not good press' sort of way when it isn't abt press#if fans continuously post about it all time and they can't entirely avoid it#or in the positive side do they like seeing the love and support?#throwing this in the dash to make all of you think about it bye
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godDAMN it
the first home covid test on Friday was negative
but today's is positive 🫠
#We'd managed to avoid it this entire time#This is the first time we've caught it to our knowledge#UGH#We still mask when everyone around us doesn't#And it really ticks me off that is everyone wore a goddamn mask in public this really wouldn't be as prolific an issue 😡
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like at some point you stop being surprised about the incest no one told you about before starting XYZ and change to be kinda amazed as to how EVERYONE has skillfully avoided for YEARS of you vaguely knowing about xyz mentioning it.
#txt#like if it's those age-gap series you can see it from afar most of the time bc yk. normal visual age recognition lol. or like if it's SA#that's yk. A Scene. an action contained and you can probs avoid them taking into account the tone of what you're looking for#tho that doesnt stop any why didnt you warn me or well i didnt expect that situations 😐#but like it's funny bc how does EVERYONE manage to avoid mentioning a key component to an entire main couple of xyz???? XDDD
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"riddle"? ~~I always want to know what Est is up to~~
vibing, mostly :D
mm that one's another off a prompts-list-ask-game-thing. i started it, tho it was real late at night and i haven't gone back to see if it's actually like. coherent at all lmao. sometimes i get interesting things that way and sometimes it just doesn't make any sense
but! it was more or less a little 'what if est mained blueline instead of yellow' (conclusion: a lot of things might have to change, but the biggest is probably not getting stuck in edhelion getting attacked). i was thinking a bit about dnf, and it being the only skill runekeepers have under 'visions and fortellings', and also about 'our fates entwined'. also about how i never really did much with est's mirror of galadriel prophecy in her main verse- didn't end up planning anything for it in this thing either, but. did consider it lol
#ask games#i actually didn't have a good idea for est for a good bit on that one#and tried to fill one for silear three times before giving up and having est thoughts lol#yknow 'vibing' is kinda a lie; what she's Actually doing is trying to multiclass in the vague time between black book and gundabad#bc i have not decided if/how i'm going to move that around yet#this is entirely tangential and not at all about 'riddle' anymore but i wasn't *going* to have est meet tamindur#or at the very least really not be involved in awakening#but she's also managed to avoid every other (non-wizard) maia in game lmao#bc i didn't have enedwaith access til she was sitting in wildermore and i missed one (1) questline in north mirk so i didn't get rust&rime#not until way later#i didn't want to try to walk back to torech emel again lmao so i just. went to laketown instead#ANYWAY#tamindur might make some interesting comments to her if they Did meet and i think that would be neat#ty friend 💚
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hhhhhrhhhhghhgh… for the future………. today…,.,.,.,.,
#I’ve managed to avoid the leaks ENTIRELY this time I’m so excited yippee#anyway this is gonna be WILD I know it
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oh yeah uh i forgot to talk about my day. i havent rly been existing as a person whoops. uh
work kinda sucked but not NEARLY as bad as yesterday. honestly yesterday was probably the worst shift ive had in uh. well at least a year im betting. it was really so very bad.
today was better except Whoops my bike broke a little bit. forgot to mention that too. i left it at work overnight in the storage room n im gonna bring it to the bike shop tomorrow. so im gonna be without my bike for a few days </3
uhm. otherwise ive been procrastinating, still not doing my dishes, reading trigun fanfic and rewatching trigun stampede and reading trigun maximum. and also browsing etsy for trigun merch, of which i bought a few things.
now im thinking about skipping class again bc it's accidentally oh so late and i am very tired. i can rationalize it to myself that it's Totally for the sake of finishing my lab tomorrow. but really ive just lost control of this semester and i barely wanna do shit anymore. lol.
#speculation nation#also listened thru the 2nd trigun stampede OST album two whole times#went walking home bc i got no bike rn and i was just meandering down the scenic path#(it's thankfully not flooded anymore. a lil muddy at spots but i managed to avoid it)#saw some deer tracks. crouched by the river for a little bit. all while sipping at a hibiscus tea i brought from work#went home. read embarrassing fanfiction. swore i was gonna do the dishes and then just watched trigun stampede#went looking on etsy. went reading the manga. i swear it's overtaking my entire life.#im trying to be gentle with myself tho. saturday's shift did Not help me with the mental breakdown ive been fending off for weeks#oh yeah and easter. fucking easter. i was neutral/negative leaning but the shop i wanted to go to was closed today#which pushed it solidly in the negative direction. like for fuck's sake this is a fucking witchy shop and they're closed for EASTER?????#i wanted to go buy a tarot deck wtf. and the Spiritual Shop is closed for a Christian Holiday??? okay lmfao#meanwhile we kept having ppl call to ask if we were open today n it was just like 'man this is a bubble tea shop what do you think'#O Lord Bless This Bubble Tea for it was Made In Your Image.............#or some shit like that idfk. like yes we did have a few ppl call off for easter but majority of us are gay and/or Definitely not christian#the handful of us there kept laughing about how little we care about easter. one girl saying she completely forgot about it#and like. man. yea. easter's one of the most pointless ass holidays outside of christianity#at least there's fun in christmas for non christians in the gift giving. easter is just like. there are eggs now???#and this is to celebrate The Lord?????? ok lol#anyways yea my days r happening. i keep skipping class. probably will again. Whoops sorry professor man but im just tryin to survive now
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I dont know why youve leapt to assuming this post was about the workplace? the original post mentioned friends, family, and going out for drinks, and it feels a bit like a bad faith read to assume this meant for you to try to talk about weird niche TV show interests to your boss, when it seems far more likely to be a post about not letting cringe culture rule your entire life, in a time when its so common for ppl to let themselves become beholden to tiktok microtrends, and being terrified that theyll lose all their friends if anyone finds out they enjoy steven universe.
It’s crazy and fucked up that being yourself is actually the solution.
#reblog#this feels like it was a personal post by the OP who has realized that stifling every interest and thing that they like to constantly#manage how they are percieved and avoid doing anything cringey or weird is uh fucking exhausting and terrible for your mental health#that has spread quite far past containment#and is now being entirely misread as reveal every weird little thing about yourself At Work.#maybe i simply dont know any better tho cos ive so far worked in warehouse grunt jobs with a bunch of other weird unhinged little freaks#im fairly certain that entire second shift had adhd or something similar enough lmao#i have weird colored hair i even went in a couple times with it styled into sort of a bihawk. i wore a shirt covered in furbies. i carry#a purse shaped like a trilobite. so far the most challenging thing for my coworkers seemed to be the fact that i continue to diligently#wear an n95 cos i dont want to get sick. i wasnt telling my coworkers about my depraved oc lore...but id talk about the newest season of#stranger things with them since i watched it. i talked about cats and fish. i talked about atla. i told a couple of them that i wanted to#learn how to walk on stilts. it was fine. yes youre going to have to do some amount of managing how your percieved. but if you let that#take priority over every aspect of your life youll go insane#and there are people who have let their fear of being judged take over every single aspect of their life#and they do genuinely need to hear that its okay to wear a cringey band Tshirt or whatever#also: i hope porfessionalism standards continue to get more lax. death to professionalism. i just got a job offer wearing a tacky print#short sleeve button down covered in sharks with a vampire squid necklace and jeans with a faded blue fauxhawk. this needs to be possible in#more workplaces and its stupid that it isnt. even if you are not expressing your true self at work for your own safety. you should at least#recognize that these standards are absurd and arbitrary. and if a coworker is brave enough to reveal a tiny bit of their authenticity to u#i think it would be kind to give them the space for that. even if its not your weird.#that said. in these warehouses there were also people who were unhinged in the bad way. the 'blasting alex jones at work' way.#and i was fairly cold to these people. i did my best to be purely professional with them and not express interest in getting to know them.#and i didnt love that the guy who thought stop signs = communism (derogatory from him) was also driving a forklift around#but to his credit he did at least obey the stop signs. so.#this job thats accepted me with the tacky fish shirt and blue hair doesnt pay super well and seems like its going to be a bit chaotic. but#we'll see. and if it doesnt work there i can always go back to that first warehouse job unfortunately. cos im pretty sure they wouldve let#me get away with so so so much
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I think I'm finally asking the right questions about this whole career thing.
#breaking down what my old job was and what those responsibilities translate into i might be able to land an administrative job#or bookkeeping#if i redo my entire fucking resume again#which will be a task for me after a nap but might be manageable if i get talkimg to the job coach again#if i can schedule inperson meetings with her and avoid the whole phone signal fuxkup debacle for a second time#maybe i can even get something work from home#though i know those apps are wicked competitive
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𝗠𝘆 𝗡𝗲𝗶𝗴𝗵𝗯𝗼𝘂𝗿 𝗶𝘀 𝗮 𝗣𝗼𝗿𝗻𝘀𝘁𝗮𝗿 [ 2 ]
Part One Pairings: PornStar!Bucky Barnes x f!Reader Themes: Sexual Innuendo/humour,Guy next door, situational comedy? Sexual Themes 18+ ONLY: fingering, cunnilingus, Bucky loves tiddies, dirty talk. Summary: Though you've become oddly close to SergeantBarnes, it's still difficult to act normal around him. A/N: I didn't think many would ask for a part two but here you go. divider by @cafekitsune
It was a peaceful evening in the apartment gym—or, at least, it was supposed to be. You had your plan: thirty minutes on the stair climber, some stretches, and you’d be out of there before any awkwardness could find you.
But then you heard it—the unmistakable sound of weights clanging, followed by a deep, low grunt that made your entire body freeze.
You glanced up, hoping against hope that it wasn’t who you thought it was. But, of course, there he was: Bucky, over at the hip thrust machine, setting up his weights directly in front of you. Perfect, you thought. Of all the machines in here, he has to pick the most… suggestive one.
Your eyes flicked back to the tiny screen on your machine. Stay focused, you told yourself. Don’t look. Just ignore him.
But the moment he started his set, you heard it—a low, powerful grunt that practically reverberated through the gym. You immediately bit down on your lip, forcing yourself to stare straight ahead, pretending you weren’t having flashbacks to his other kind of workouts.
Another deep grunt.
Your hands clenched the stair climber’s handles like a lifeline. Do NOT look, you told yourself, the mantra echoing in your mind. But your treacherous eyes slid sideways, just for a second, and you caught a glimpse of him, face focused, breaths heavy as he powered through each hip thrust. The guy was practically a one-man gym commercial.
You looked away, focusing on your steps—your very uneven, slightly panicked steps. It’s just a hip thrust, for crying out loud! Nothing unusual here, you told yourself, trying to stomp out the heat creeping up your cheeks. But every time he exhaled, your mind filled with images of… well, his other performances.
Then, in the middle of one of his reps, Bucky let out a particularly deep, guttural grunt that nearly threw you off balance. Your foot slipped, your rhythm stuttered, and in a moment of pure panic, you clutched the handles and stumbled forward, practically throwing yourself onto the machine.
“Shit!” you yelped, fumbling to regain your balance as your legs moved faster than your brain, desperately trying not to faceplant.
You heard Bucky chuckle, that low, infuriatingly amused laugh, and felt your cheeks practically ignite. You looked up, heart pounding, only to find him smirking in your direction, eyes dancing with mischief.
“Careful there, Y/N,” he said, raising an eyebrow. “Stair climbers are brutal.”
“Oh, yeah, totally!” you squeaked, straightening up, trying to look like you meant to almost eat it. “Just… keeping things interesting. Got to keep the cardio exciting, you know?”
“Looks like it’s working,” he replied, wiping his forehead with a towel, his grin widening as he noticed your death grip on the machine. “You sure you’re good over there?”
“Oh, I’m… I’m great,” you lied, your face flaming as you tried to regain your composure. But he wasn’t done with you yet.
“Glad to hear it,” he said, voice way too smooth. He paused, then tilted his head, a playful smirk tugging at the corner of his mouth. “Gotta admit, though… this machine setup does feel a bit familiar.”
Your brain nearly exploded. Did he just—? He couldn’t mean… But his eyes sparkled with that infuriating, knowing look, and you knew exactly what he was hinting at. Your face went beet red as your foot slipped again, but this time you managed to catch yourself, narrowly avoiding another disaster.
“Uh-huh,” you said, laughing nervously, desperately trying to hold it together. “Well, enjoy your… uh, workout!”
“Oh, I am,” he said, chuckling softly. “Especially with the view.” He winked, setting up for another set while you tried not to spontaneously combust.
With one final, mortified glance, you turned your attention back to the stair climber, mentally swearing you’d never step foot in this gym again after this.
Since you survived the stair climber ordeal without faceplanting (barely), you decided it was time to move on. Somewhere—anywhere—that didn’t involve Bucky’s hip thrusts or his incessant, maddening smirk.
You zeroed in on the bench press. Safe, you thought, relieved. Just a standard exercise. Nothing suggestive, no chance of stumbling, tripping, or looking like a klutz. You grabbed the bar, took a deep breath, and mentally prepped yourself. Easy-peasy.
And then—because the universe simply refused to give you a break—you heard that all-too-familiar voice right beside you.
“Need a spot?”
You looked up and almost swallowed your tongue. There was Bucky, looming over you with that same damn smirk, wiping his hands on a towel like he was gearing up for some personal training session from your worst/best nightmares.
“Oh, uh… I—” you stammered, already feeling the heat creep up your neck. You’ve got this, you told yourself. Just let him help you. No big deal. You’re a mature, fully-functioning adult.
“Yeah, sure!” you squeaked, trying to sound normal as he stepped closer, positioning himself behind the bench. You laid back, gripping the bar, and immediately realized what a horrible, terrible mistake this was. You were now lying flat on your back, Bucky leaning over you, his face far too close as he focused on making sure you could lift the weight.
“You ready?” he asked, his face all business, but his lips still had that mischievous curve.
“Ready,” you mumbled, eyes darting anywhere but up at him, trying to ignore how absolutely awkwardly intimate this felt. You started your set, breathing steadily as you lifted the bar, determined to act as if this were a completely normal workout.
But then, midway through the reps, he leaned down a little closer. “By the way, did you check out my new video?”
Your hands nearly slipped. You fumbled the bar, barely catching it as your brain short-circuited.
“W-What?” you managed, voice strangled, heart racing.
“My new video,” he repeated, casually reaching out to help guide the bar back into place as you struggled not to lose it. “Thought you might’ve seen it by now.”
Your cheeks flamed, but you somehow managed to choke out, “N-No! I… I haven’t seen it!”
Bucky chuckled softly, raising an eyebrow as he straightened up, his voice taking on a teasing, almost disappointed tone.
“Oh. That’s a shame,” he said, smirk lingering. “Didn’t have a costar this time—just me, actually. First time I’ve ever done that.”
Your mouth dropped open. Just him? Your brain skidded to a halt. Suddenly, you were far too interested in a video you’d just denied seeing.
“Oh, um… interesting?” you squeaked, trying to keep your face neutral but definitely failing.
“Yeah,” he replied with a shrug, looking at you with twinkling eyes. “Guess you’ll have to let me know what you think… whenever you get around to it.”
“Actually, I… uh… I kind of stopped watching… since we, you know… know each other. Just… feels awkward.”
Bucky’s grin widened, his eyes lighting up with amusement.
“Oh, so you’re telling me we’re too close for you to watch my work now?” He raised an eyebrow, looking mockingly offended. “I thought we were supporting local artists.”
Your cheeks practically combusted as he said it, and you fumbled with the bar, desperately trying to pretend you hadn’t heard him. Supporting local artists? Was he serious right now?
“Oh my god,” you mumbled, absolutely mortified. “This is not— You’re not— I mean…!”
But he just looked down at you, that smug grin firmly in place as he leaned in, clearly enjoying every second of your flustered state.
“What?” he asked, feigning innocence. “Don’t you believe in supporting the arts?”
Your mouth opened and closed like a fish, words completely failing you. “This… this is not the same!” you finally blurted, clutching the bar like it was your only lifeline.
“Oh really?” he replied, chuckling. “Because it sounds like you’re saying we’re too close for me to keep doing what I do. You know, my passion.”
You practically choked, waving your hands around in frantic denial. “No! No! That’s not— I’m not stopping you! I’m just— I don’t know, maybe supporting from a… distant, supportive spiritual place?”
He laughed outright, shaking his head. “So, what—you’re like cheering me on… but from across the street?”
You nodded vigorously, still trying to save face. “Exactly! Just… supportive… but in a non-participatory kind of way.”
“Got it,” he said, smirking. “So, I’m officially your guilty pleasure now.”
You groaned, covering your face with your hands as he chuckled, clearly far too pleased with himself.
Note to self: Avoid all future conversations with Bucky Barnes for the rest of eternity.
× × × ×
That evening, you were finally settled at your dining table, a bowl of pasta in front of you, determined to put the entire gym disaster behind you. You’d survived another encounter with Bucky—barely—and now all you wanted was some quiet, non-embarrassing time with carbs.
But as you twirled your fork in the noodles, your brain betrayed you, replaying his words from earlier.
“Did you check out my new video?”
You paused mid-bite, the fork hovering near your mouth as you stared blankly at the wall, feeling a strange mix of curiosity and dread bubbling up. What could he have meant by “just me”? You tried to shake it off, forcing another forkful of pasta into your mouth. Nope, not going there.
But the thought lingered, nudging you, until you found yourself setting down the fork, fingers hovering over your phone. Just one quick search, you reasoned, glancing around your empty apartment as if someone might catch you.
You typed in the familiar site, thumbs hesitating above the search bar, nearly typing “SergeantBarnes new video” before you snapped back to reality, dropping the phone like it burned.
“Oh, no,” you muttered to yourself, horrified at how close you’d come. “Absolutely not. What am I, insane?”
You shoved another forkful of pasta into your mouth, shaking your head furiously. “I am not doing this.”
But as you continued eating, your eyes kept darting back to the phone, the curiosity gnawing at you, leaving you torn between common sense and the very persuasive power of nosiness.
You took a deep breath, clenching your fists. “Get a grip, Y/N. You are absolutely not watching that video.”
...But maybe just a preview?
You groaned, stuffing your face with more pasta, determined to win this internal battle.
× × × ×
The next morning, just as you were heading out the door for work, you spotted something bright and obnoxiously neon-colored taped to the wall near the mailboxes. Curiosity got the better of you, and you stepped closer, squinting at the bold, glittery letters.
POOL PARTY THIS WEEKEND! it proclaimed. Food, drinks, music, fun! Don’t miss it!
You raised an eyebrow, debating if you’d actually brave a building-wide party when suddenly, the quiet hallway was shattered by a loud, unmistakably ecstatic moan. The kind that could only mean one thing.
From none other than Bucky’s apartment.
You froze, eyes widening in disbelief. Is that—? Is he—?
A second moan, even louder than the first, confirmed it. This wasn’t just any moan; this was the sound of someone—some woman—having the time of her life. At what had to be eight o’clock in the morning.
“Oh, seriously?!” you hissed under your breath, glancing down the hallway as if there might be witnesses to this auditory ambush. Just then, the woman’s voice hit a pitch so high it practically reverberated off the walls.
You winced, clutching your bag like it could somehow shield you from this. Who even has that much energy in the morning? You took a step back, hoping to escape the sonic nightmare, but the moans only got louder, each sound more animated than the last.
You threw your hands over your ears, eyes squeezed shut as you muttered furiously to yourself.
“Nope, nope, absolutely not. Not today, not right now.” You spun on your heel, practically power-walking down the hall, doing your best to drown out the soundtrack blaring from his apartment.
“YES, SERGEANT! OH MY GOD!”
You practically stumbled, muttering an alarmed, “Oh my god, stop!” as you picked up the pace, pressing your hands even harder against your ears. It was like some kind of cruel game—the closer you got to the elevator, the louder it seemed to get, echoing in your ears like a siren you couldn’t escape.
You winced, feeling your face burn as you all but sprinted down the hall, chanting, “Nope, nope, NOPE!” under your breath like a mantra. It was as if your feet couldn’t carry you fast enough, each step a desperate attempt to put some distance between you and… whatever was happening in that apartment.
Finally, you made it to the elevator, slamming your finger against the button with more force than necessary, glancing nervously over your shoulder as if the sounds might follow you. The doors mercifully slid open, and you dove inside, leaning back against the wall and pressing your hands over your ears one last time, breathing a sigh of relief.
But just as the doors began to close, one last triumphant shout echoed down the hallway, loud and clear, like the universe had decided you hadn’t suffered enough.
You groaned, staring up at the ceiling as the doors shut, wondering if this building had any quiet hours, or if you were doomed to start every morning with a full-blown soundscape of… Bucky’s extracurricular activities.
Note to self: Invest in earplugs. Maybe some noise-canceling headphones. Or a new apartment altogether.
× × × ×
You arrived at work looking like you’d barely survived a natural disaster. Traumatized, sleep-deprived, and still hearing the morning’s very loud soundtrack echoing in your mind, you slumped into your chair, hoping to quietly blend into the office scenery and get through the day in peace.
Naturally, that was too much to ask.
“Whoa,” Trish said, swiveling in her chair to eye you like you were a science experiment gone wrong. “You look like you just spent a night in a haunted house.”
“Or… like you had a wild morning,” Amy added, raising her eyebrows. “You okay there, Y/N?”
“Fine,” you muttered, barely making eye contact as you set your bag down, trying to erase the vivid flashbacks of Bucky’s… extremely enthusiastic co-worker.
Before you could even recover, Trish leaned in, her grin spreading like wildfire. “Sooo… did you finally get around to watching Sergeant Barnes’ new video?”
Your head snapped up, heart stopping in your chest. “Wha—no! Why would I… I mean… I—”
“Oh, come on,” Amy said, nudging you like she’d just caught you in a guilty pleasure. “You don’t know what you’re missing. He’s alone in this one.” She leaned closer, adding in a stage whisper, “The man has talent.”
“Uh-huh,” Trish agreed, nodding like a sage. “No costars this time. Just him, going all in. It’s… impressive.”
You clutched the edge of your desk, mentally scrambling for any kind of response that would shut them down without revealing the secret you swore you’d take to the grave: that Sergeant Barnes was actually your neighbor.
You swallowed, managing to squeak out, “You know we’re in an office, right? As in, the place we do work?”
“Oh please, don’t act like you’re all professional now!” Trish smirked, crossing her arms as she gave you a knowing look. “You were all too eager to do some ‘research’ when we told you about him the first time.”
“Yeah!” Amy joined in, her grin absolutely diabolical. “You should be thanking us! The way you’re looking right now, I’d bet you already took a look this morning.”
You spluttered, mortified. “No! I mean, of course not! It’s just—this is… inappropriate.”
Amy snorted, clearly unconvinced. “Uh-huh, sure. And here I thought you had a little curiosity.”
You glared, fully prepared to tell them off, but Amy cut in first, smirking as she leaned over your desk.
“C’mon, Y/N, it’s just us girls. Tell me you don’t have some curiosity about what the man can do when it’s just him and the camera.”
You felt the heat rise in your cheeks, struggling to keep your cool. “No, I’m not curious! Not at all. And maybe you two shouldn’t be either, because, oh, I don’t know… WE ARE AT WORK!”
They both cracked up, sharing a delighted high-five as you buried your face in your hands, praying for the ground to open up and swallow you.
“Oh, we’re just messing with you,” Trish said, barely holding back laughter. “But seriously, girl… you look like you need to unwind. Maybe with a drink or… you know… a little quality screen time?”
“Or maybe someone live and in-person?” Amy chimed in, waggling her eyebrows.
You groaned, face down on your desk, cursing the fact that they would never, ever know the full story.
× × × ×
You stepped into the lobby, utterly drained from the day, just as the elevator doors began to slide shut. Without a second thought, you bolted, slipping in right before they closed. Only then did you realize the universe was playing tricks on you.
Because standing right there, with a half-smirk on his face and way too much knowing mischief in his eyes, was Bucky. Alone.
You froze, instantly regretting every choice that had led to this moment. But it was too late now, so you plastered on a polite smile and tried not to look like a deer caught in headlights.
Bucky’s eyes twinkled as he took you in, leaning casually against the side of the elevator as he said, “Tired?”
You laughed, and before you could stop it, the laugh turned into a borderline deranged chuckle.
“Oh, yes, thank you very much,” you replied, sarcasm slipping out before you could rein it in. Then, muttering under your breath but clearly audible, you added, “Maybe keep it down too… in the morning.”
He chuckled, looking way too amused. “Sorry about that. Work, you know? She, uh… went home right after, don’t worry.”
Your face went flaming hot, and you whipped your head to look straight ahead, pressing your lips together like that would somehow save you from this horror.
“Oh, you don’t… you don’t have to explain it to me,” you stammered, feeling like your cheeks were practically on fire. “I’m not worried.”
The smirk only widened. “Good to know.” He leaned in just a little, adding, “I wouldn’t want to keep you up… unintentionally.”
You choked, your hand flying up to cover your mouth as you let out a mortified laugh that you could barely stop from turning into a squeak. Just get to your floor, just get to your floor… you chanted internally, keeping your gaze laser-focused on the elevator doors.
But you could feel him watching you, could practically feel the amusement radiating off him as you tried to pretend that your life hadn’t just devolved into a rom-com nightmare.
Finally—finally—the elevator dinged at your floor. You stepped out, sighing with relief, only for Bucky to step out right behind you.
“Hey,” he called, making you pause and turn reluctantly. He was smiling, hands casually shoved into his pockets as he looked you over. “Are you coming to the rooftop pool party this weekend?”
“No,” you replied flatly, the answer escaping before you could even pretend to think about it.
He laughed, clearly not deterred. “Aw, come on. You sure? It’ll be fun.”
You shook your head vigorously, waving him off. “No, no, I’m good. I’m… not much of a party person.”
“Really?” he replied, stepping a little closer, his smile turning into something dangerously persuasive. “It’s just neighbors hanging out, not some crazy nightclub thing. Good music, food… probably no loud… work, either.”
You glared, suppressing an eye roll as he gave you a wink. “I’ll pass, thanks.”
“Oh, come on,” he said, still grinning. “If you don’t show up, who am I going to talk to about all the ‘work’ complaints?”
You stifled a laugh, trying to maintain your resolve. “Pretty sure there are other people you can bother with that.”
“But none of them have your… constructive feedback,” he replied, his gaze dropping to the floor as he pretended to look shy. “And honestly, I need someone to keep me in check. I’m a handful at parties. Who else is going to stop me from climbing onto tables?”
You snorted, crossing your arms as you tried not to crack a smile. “I highly doubt you’re a handful at a pool party.”
He raised an eyebrow, challenging you. “Come and find out.”
You looked away, shaking your head but feeling the corners of your mouth tug upward. “Bucky, I’m not going.”
“So, you’re saying you’ll leave me up there with all these people who… don’t know me as well as you do?” He tilted his head, giving you a mock-pout.
Your face turned red, and you sputtered, “I don’t know you! I barely know you!”
“Oh, so all those research sessions weren’t exactly getting to know me?” he replied, grinning as he watched you turn an even deeper shade of crimson.
“You—ugh, you’re impossible,” you muttered, finally laughing despite yourself.
“That’s what everyone says,” he said, his voice softening just a little as he held your gaze. “Come on, Y/N. I promise, no loud work. I’ll even save you a spot.”
You sighed, feeling the last bit of resistance crumble. “Fine. But only for an hour.”
He beamed, triumphant. “Deal. And who knows? Maybe we’ll find something to actually talk about… outside of work.”
You rolled your eyes, trying to ignore the way your heart did a little flip. This is going to be a disaster, you thought. But somehow, you didn’t mind as much as you thought you would.
× × × ×
The weekend took forever to arrive, but somehow, you survived it—mostly by avoiding Bucky and doing your best not to think about that ridiculously intriguing video he’d hinted at. Nope, not even a peek. It was your own personal victory, though it took every ounce of willpower you had.
And now, here you were, standing at the rooftop entrance, mentally psyching yourself up. You’d put on a two-piece swimsuit under a white sheer cover-up, feeling only slightly self-conscious as you stepped out. Only because you hated drawing attention to your body.
The party was already in full swing, a mix of upbeat music and laughter filling the air. You scanned the crowd for a certain troublemaking neighbor, but no sign of him. Great, you thought, rolling your eyes. Bucky drags me up here, then vanishes like an ass. Typical.
You made a beeline for an empty lounge chair, setting down your bag and towel, hoping you’d have a chance to relax before anyone else noticed you. But just as you were about to sit, a deep voice called out.
“Hey there!”
You turned to see an equally impressive figure—a tall, muscular guy with a sun-kissed smile, striding over with a confident swagger.
“I’m Johnny,” he said, flashing a grin as he handed you a cold glass of beer. “Welcome to the party.”
“Oh! Thanks,” you said, taking the glass, feeling only slightly overwhelmed by all the testosterone on this rooftop. “Nice to meet you, Johnny.”
“Likewise,” he said, eyes flicking over you with the appreciation of someone who knew exactly what he was looking at. “Didn’t expect to see a new face up here. I know most of the regulars.”
“Yeah, I… usually keep to myself,” you admitted, suddenly feeling awkward under his gaze.
“Well, glad you’re here,” he said smoothly, gesturing to a chair beside yours. “Mind if I join you?”
Before you could answer, another familiar voice cut through the air, low and unmistakably amused. “Johnny.”
You turned slowly, bracing yourself for whatever cocky look Bucky had in store, but when you finally laid eyes on him, your brain just… stopped. No thoughts, head empty, because the second he strolled into view, you swore you heard the sultry opening saxophone of Careless Whisper start playing, echoing dramatically in your head like some corny, slow-motion rom-com entrance.
He moved in perfect sync to the imaginary music in your head, each step more absurdly cinematic than the last. This can’t be happening, you thought, but somehow, there he was—tan skin, swim trunks slung just right, and that damn casual shirt hanging open over his shoulders. The man looked like a vacation ad, except he was bringing you dangerously close to a heatstroke.
As he got closer, the sax solo in your mind reached ridiculous, life-altering levels of intensity. Why do you have to look like this? you thought, nearly choking on the vision before you. Bucky’s smirk turned into something almost smug, like he knew exactly what effect he was having, as if he, too, could hear the George Michael anthem of seduction playing in your head. You half-expected him to whip out an actual saxophone and start serenading you right there.
You swallowed, barely keeping yourself from drooling, and willed yourself to stay composed. Get a grip, you told yourself, though you were about 98% certain your jaw was on the verge of dropping.
“Sorry, Johnny,” he said smoothly, not even glancing at the other guy. “I think she already has company.”
You quickly tried to compose yourself, forcing a neutral expression as you willed your face not to betray the sheer catastrophe your brain was going through.
“Oh, hey, Bucky,” you said, hoping your voice didn’t sound as strangled as you felt. Inside, you were practically screaming. Why do you have to look like a freaking Greek god, Barnes? It’s rude, honestly.
Johnny raised an eyebrow, his eyes flicking between the two of you, clearly picking up on the tension. “You two know each other?”
Bucky leaned casually against the lounge chair next to yours, flashing a grin that practically oozed mischief.
“You could say that. She’s my neighbor,” he said, his tone implying… well, all sorts of things. You immediately knew that everyone within earshot was definitely getting the wrong idea. “And I’ve been trying to get her to come out of her shell for a while now.”
Come out of her shell? You wanted to throttle him. But before you could retort, Johnny, ever the gentleman, just gave you a knowing wink and clapped Bucky on the shoulder.
“Well, guess I’ll let you take over, then,” he said, sauntering off with an amused smile.
You sighed, turning to face Bucky, who looked all too pleased with himself as he settled in beside you, stretching out like he owned the place.
“So, you made it,” he said, taking a leisurely sip of his drink as his eyes did a once-over that was a little too thorough.
“Yep,” you replied, your voice barely concealing your exasperation. “I showed up, just like I said I would. Where were you?”
He shrugged, that stupid smirk still plastered on his face. “Was just giving you a chance to make some new friends,” he said, his tone way too casual.
You rolled your eyes, taking a sip of the beer Johnny had given you. “Please. You just love making an entrance.”
He chuckled, clinking his glass with yours. “Can’t say you’re wrong about that.”
As he leaned back, his gaze lingered a little too long, making your cheeks heat up.
“Nice cover-up, by the way,” he commented, smirk widening. “It’s… modest.”
You shot him a look, feeling suddenly self-conscious about the sheer fabric draped over your swimsuit. “Why, thank you. That was kind of the point.”
“Yeah?” he replied, his voice dropping just a notch. “Shame, though. Bet that swimsuit’s got a whole lot of personality under there.”
You practically choked on your drink, coughing as you glared at him. “You’re such a flirt, Barnes.”
He chuckled, clearly unbothered by your reaction. “Hey, just saying what everyone’s thinking.”
You settled back in your chair, determined not to let him get the upper hand. But as you sat there, pretending to ignore him, you couldn’t shake the feeling that, despite everything, you were enjoying this game just as much as he was.
You took a deep breath, narrowing your eyes at Bucky, who was looking far too pleased with himself.
“Like I said, just one hour,” you told him firmly, crossing your arms as if that would somehow fortify your resolve against whatever mischievous plans he undoubtedly had.
He raised an eyebrow, his smirk turning even more devilish. “Oh, I’m sure an hour will be more than enough.”
You scoffed, rolling your eyes. “For what? So you can drive me insane and then sit back and enjoy the show?”
He chuckled, leaning a little closer, and you felt your heart rate spike. “Maybe. But I was thinking more along the lines of just… keeping you entertained.”
“Oh, I’m plenty entertained, thanks,” you shot back, trying to sound unimpressed despite the heat creeping up your neck.
He shrugged, unfazed, and settled back into his lounge chair.
“Good. Then let’s make it the best hour of your week,” he said, flashing you a wink that sent a new wave of exasperation—and, annoyingly, a bit of excitement—through you.
You huffed, shaking your head as you took a sip of your drink, determined not to let him see just how much that smirk was affecting you. Just one hour, you reminded yourself. What could possibly happen in one hour?
As you and Bucky settled into a strange, almost comfortable silence, you heard a booming voice from across the pool.
“CHICKEN FIGHT!” Johnny’s voice rang out, loud and enthusiastic, immediately grabbing everyone’s attention.
You whipped your head around, eyes widening. Johnny was wading into the pool, rallying everyone like some kind of pool party commander. “Come on! Everyone in! We need two teams!”
“Oh, no,” you muttered under your breath, instinctively shrinking into your lounge chair, hoping you’d be overlooked in the shuffle. Absolutely not happening, you thought, clutching your drink like a lifeline.
But Bucky, of course, was already grinning ear to ear. He turned to you, his eyes gleaming with excitement and mischief.
“You heard him,” he said, patting your shoulder like this was some team-building exercise. “We’re going in.”
“What? No!” you hissed, clutching your drink tighter as if that would save you. “I didn’t sign up for a chicken fight. I’m just here for moral support.”
Bucky laughed, standing up and stretching in that way that only he could pull off without looking ridiculous.
“Oh, come on,” he said, flashing you that smug, challenging grin. “Afraid of a little friendly competition?”
You shook your head, digging your heels in. “Nope. Not happening. And it’s not friendly—it’s dangerous!”
“Oh, don’t be such a chicken.” His smirk widened, and then, with a theatrical sigh, he added, “Guess I’ll just have to find someone braver.”
Your jaw dropped. “Oh, you’re really going to play that card?”
He shrugged, glancing around with feigned disappointment. “Guess so. Shame though. I thought you could handle it.”
It was the final straw. With an exasperated groan, you threw down your drink and stood up.
“Fine! I’ll do it.” The second the words left your mouth, you instantly regretted them, especially as you saw Bucky’s smirk morph into full-blown satisfaction.
“Perfect,” he said, clearly thrilled with himself.
You sighed, slipping off your sheer cover-up, feeling a sudden self-consciousness as you stood there in just your swimsuit. Bucky’s gaze flicked over you with open admiration, his grin widening just a bit. You forced yourself to ignore the butterflies in your stomach, rolling your eyes at his blatant staring.
“Enjoying the view?” you deadpanned.
“Oh, absolutely,” he replied without missing a beat, his eyes twinkling. “But we’ve got a fight to win.”
Before you could second-guess your decision, he grabbed your hand and pulled you toward the pool. Johnny spotted the two of you and cheered, pumping his fist in the air. “Yes! We got a team! Bucky and… Y/N, right?”
You forced a smile, giving him a thumbs-up while silently planning your escape route. But before you knew it, you were waist-deep in the water, Bucky hoisting you up with surprising ease, positioning you on his shoulders.
“Oh my god, this is insane,” you muttered, gripping onto his head for balance as he adjusted to your weight. “I feel like a five-year-old at a theme park.”
“Just hold on,” he chuckled, steadying himself under you. “I’ve got you.”
Your heart skipped a beat as his hands firmly held your thighs, and suddenly, this was a whole new level of intense. Focus on the fight, not the incredibly attractive man holding you in the pool, you told yourself, cheeks flaming.
Johnny waded over with his partner—a muscular, tattooed guy named Jake who was definitely taking this way too seriously.
“Ready to lose, Barnes?” Jake taunted, grinning up at you.
Bucky chuckled, his hands tightening on your legs just slightly. “Not a chance.”
“Alright, you’re up top!” Johnny yelled, clapping his hands. “Let’s see what you’ve got!”
You barely had time to brace yourself before Jake and his partner charged at you, water splashing everywhere as they made their move. Instinctively, you shrieked, grabbing onto Bucky’s hair for dear life as the force of the impact sent you both wobbling.
“Easy on the hair!” Bucky grunted, though he was laughing, his shoulders steadying beneath you as he held his ground.
“Oh, sorry!” you gasped, adjusting your grip. But before you could even catch your breath, Jake’s partner was lunging at you again, arms flailing as he tried to knock you off balance.
“Oh, no you don’t!” you muttered, your competitive spirit kicking in. You threw your hands out, grabbing his wrists and pushing back with everything you had, determined to hold your ground.
“Yeah, that’s it!” Bucky cheered from below, his laughter bubbling up as he shifted to help keep you steady. “Show ‘em what you’ve got!”
Fueled by his encouragement—and a surprising amount of adrenaline—you leaned forward, pushing against Jake’s partner with all your strength. The guy’s face twisted in concentration, but with one final shove, you managed to throw him off balance. He teetered, arms flailing, before finally toppling backward into the water with a massive splash.
“Yes!” you shouted, punching the air triumphantly as Johnny and Jake went down in a flurry of water and defeat. “Suck on that!”
The words had barely left your mouth when reality crashed back in. You blinked, suddenly realizing that maybe—just maybe—you’d gotten a little too carried away. Oh god, did I really just shout that? you thought, the heat rushing to your cheeks as your triumphant grin quickly turned into a sheepish smile.
“Well, look at you,” Bucky chuckled from below, clearly amused by your victory-induced outburst. “Didn’t know you had it in you.”
“Yeah, well… neither did I,” you muttered, feeling the embarrassment settling in as you tried to slide off his shoulders, desperate to save whatever shred of dignity you had left. But as you started to wriggle down, you realized Bucky’s hands were still firmly gripping your thighs, holding you in place.
You froze, looking down at him. “Uh, Bucky… you can, you know… let go now.”
He glanced up, smirking. “Oh, but you’re comfortable up there. Why rush it?”
You huffed, your face going a deeper shade of red. “Because I’m very much done being the human flagpole, thank you very much.”
Bucky’s grin only widened as he kept his hold, clearly enjoying the situation far more than he should. “Nah, I think I like you right where you are. Adds a bit of… height to my reputation.”
“Oh my god,” you groaned, feeling your mortification level spike. “If you don’t let me down, I swear I’ll—”
“Fine, fine,” he laughed, finally loosening his grip, letting you slide back into the water. But just as your feet touched down, he didn’t back away—instead, he shifted closer, his hands still lingering on your waist, his gaze locking onto yours with a look that sent your pulse racing.
You took a half-step back, but there was no real room to escape, not with the edge of the pool just behind you and Bucky’s broad frame in front, all mischief and steady, unbreakable eye contact.
“You know,” he murmured, his voice low, “you could stay longer.”
Your breath hitched as Bucky leaned just the slightest bit closer, his hands still warm and steady on your waist, his smirk turning softer yet somehow more intense. Every nerve in your body seemed to jolt to life as he held your gaze.
You cleared your throat, attempting to find your voice amid the chaos of your thoughts.
“Uh… stay longer? For what?” you managed, trying to sound casual, though your pulse was anything but.
His smirk grew, the corners of his mouth lifting in that way that was dangerously charming.
“For the victory lap, of course,” he murmured, his voice just above a whisper. “After all, we did just crush the competition. Wouldn’t want you running off too fast.”
“Oh, right, a victory lap,” you muttered, trying to regain your composure but finding it difficult with his hands still lingering on your waist. “But I think the whole pool just watched that ‘lap’…”
“Then they got a good show,” he chuckled, his voice warm with that teasing tone you were starting to know all too well. “But the best part of winning is savoring it… right here.”
Your face went hot as his fingers brushed slightly against your sides, sending a little spark of energy straight up your spine.
“Bucky,” you said, the word barely a whisper. “You’re… awfully close.”
“Oh, am I?” He didn’t back away; instead, he raised a brow, clearly enjoying your flustered reaction. “Didn’t hear you complaining when you were up there, champ.”
Your cheeks went impossibly warmer. “That was different. That was, you know… competitive. Strategic.”
“Competitive and strategic?” he echoed, his grin turning almost wicked. “Well, in that case…” He shifted his hands slightly, bringing you even closer as he leaned in. “Let’s see if you’re still competitive outside the game.”
He hovered just a breath away, his gaze flickering to your lips for a moment that felt like an eternity. You felt yourself leaning in almost on instinct, your pulse racing, and for one wild, heart-stopping second, it seemed like he might actually kiss you.
But then, as if on cue, someone nearby let out a loud, obnoxious cheer, snapping both of you out of the moment. The sound jolted you, and you quickly took a step back, breaking the tension as reality crashed in.
Bucky chuckled softly, looking slightly too smug as he let his hands fall from your waist.
“Guess that victory lap will have to wait,” he murmured, giving you one last look that promised he wasn’t quite finished with his teasing yet.
You swallowed, desperately trying to get your heart rate back to normal. “Yeah, guess so.”
As the night went on, you’d lost count of how many concoction drinks had been handed to you, and at this point, your usual sense of caution was practically nonexistent. The rooftop was a haze of laughter, lights, and music, and the whole place felt like it was buzzing with energy. Any embarrassment from earlier had dissolved into pure, uninhibited confidence, each drink making you feel bolder than the last.
One minute, you were in a drinking game, cheering Bucky on as he took down a round of shots like it was nothing. The next, you found yourself in a game of truth or dare that had somehow escalated into body shots. You’d laughed, nearly choking on your drink, when you saw Bucky sprawled out on a table, daring you with that infuriating grin to take your turn.
“Oh, come on, that's not fair,” you slurred, trying to wave off the dare as he raised an eyebrow, that smug look firmly in place.
“Back out now if you can’t handle it,” he teased, lying back and folding his arms behind his head, acting like he hadn’t a care in the world.
The crowd cheered you on, and fueled by liquid courage, you rolled your eyes and leaned down, pressing your lips to his abs, feeling his warm skin under your touch as you took the shot in a quick, heated moment. His laughter mingled with the cheers around you, and you couldn’t help but feel a rush from the attention, from his gaze, from the heat spreading across your face.
Before you knew it, you were in a round of flip cup with Bucky as your teammate, and he downed his drink, slamming his cup down with a victorious shout. He grabbed you by the waist, lifting you up and spinning you around, both of you laughing so hard you could barely stand straight when he finally set you down.
Somehow, you ended up on the makeshift dance floor, music thumping as the party around you roared on, the lights around the rooftop pool casting a glow over everyone. You’d danced with other people throughout the night, but Bucky seemed to have a way of drawing you back, his energy magnetic, his laughter contagious. It was like he was everywhere you turned, keeping pace with you, matching every laugh and smirk with one of his own.
The music thumped, lights flashed, and the DJ’s voice blared over the speakers, “Alright, party people! Here’s the deal—find someone you want to… get close to tonight and give them a kiss, a hug, heck, even a lick if you’re feeling bold!”
Everyone around you burst into cheers and laughter, the party’s energy wild and reckless. By now, you were buzzing on so much liquid courage that everything felt like the best idea ever, including the fact that you were swaying against Bucky, who’d somehow stayed by your side all night.
He leaned in, his smirk way too mischievous, and the alcohol made it feel impossibly close.
“Did you hear that?” he slurred, barely keeping the laughter out of his voice. “I think it’d be a shame if we ignore the DJ’s request don’t you?”
You rolled your eyes, trying to brush it off, but he just grinned wider, leaning in until his cheek was practically pressed against yours.
“Hold still,” he whispered, a laugh lurking in his voice.
Then, in a move so outrageous you could barely comprehend it, he dragged his tongue slowly from your chin up to your forehead.
“Bucky!” you shrieked, stumbling back and half falling over yourself, laughter bubbling out of you as you clutched your face in shock. “Oh my god, you did not just—”
He stepped back, looking beyond pleased with himself, the grin on his face pure, unfiltered pride.
“What? I’m just being… obedient,” he slurred, raising his hands in mock innocence.
“You are the worst!” you squealed, laughing so hard you could barely keep it together, grabbing his arm as you steadied yourself, still half in disbelief. He just chuckled, clearly reveling in your reaction as he pulled you right back into the rhythm, your laughter mixing with the cheers around you as the dance floor pulsed with music.
They cranked up the music, and suddenly, the beat was all around you, pulsing through the crowd, as if daring everyone to let loose. The energy was infectious, and you found yourself moving in sync with him, laughing as you danced together, every touch and sway between you crackling with a chemistry that had been simmering all night.
Without thinking, you stepped closer, your hands drifting to his chest, letting your fingers splay against the warm, solid muscle. Your movements grew slower, more deliberate, and his hands instinctively found your waist, pulling you against him until there was barely any space left between you. His gaze dropped, glued on your lips, and you felt a shiver run through you, your breath hitching as he leaned in, his face just inches from yours. His nose brushed yours, and you looked up to meet his gaze, seeing the same surprised intensity reflected in his eyes.
Bucky held your gaze, his breath mingling with yours, and you could feel the tension building, electric and undeniable. He was waiting—leaving the next move up to you. If you wanted him, you knew he’d let you take him.
🎶Just let me know, can you be the one to hold and not let me go?🎶
Heart pounding, you somehow managed to press yourself even closer, feeling the swell of your chest against him, igniting a flush across his cheeks. But it wasn’t embarrassment you saw in his eyes—it was heat, a look that sent a thrill down your spine. His hand shifted, his fingers tracing along the curve of your hip, and you could feel the strength of his grip as he held you.
🎶I need to know, could you be the one to call when I lose control?🎶
The tension was unbearable, and as you tilted your face up, your lips brushed his in the softest, most hesitant caress—a question, an invitation. His resolve crumbled instantly. His hand slid to your waist, gripping the flesh there as his other hand threaded into your hair, guiding your head back so he could kiss you deeper, tasting you with an intensity that left you breathless. You let out a startled, breathless sound, and he responded by pulling you closer, cradling your face as if you were something precious, something he couldn’t bear to let go of.
Your lips parted for him, and he kissed you with a hunger that had been building for some time. His tongue traced yours, swallowing your quiet moans, anchoring you to him as his hand kept you steady. It wasn’t forceful, just… tender, like he was holding something priceless.
Your breaths came heavy, your cheeks flushed, but you barely noticed; all you could feel was him, his touch, his heartbeat pounding against yours, and the fire in his veins matching your own. In that moment, propriety, the crowd around you, everything else faded into oblivion. If he wanted you to take him right there, you couldn’t even think of saying no.
Every nerve in your body was alive, tingling with an incredible sense of lust and need as his arms held you close. His lips pressed harder, deepening the kiss, his passion and intensity only spurring you to match it. You melted against him, completely consumed by the heat and need between you, and for those moments, it was as if nothing else existed. Oxygen became secondary; the only thing that mattered was the connection between you, growing more fervent with each second.
Finally, when the need for air became overwhelming, you both broke apart, gasping, your faces inches from each other, breaths mingling as you took each other in. His lips tingled, mirroring your own, and every beat of your heart seemed to urge you back into his embrace.
“Let’s get out of here… yours or mine?” Bucky stammered between breaths, his voice husky, his eyes still filled with fire. His body radiated heat, and he looked like he’d dive into the pool at any second just to cool down.
“Mine,” you whispered, your voice breathless, cheeks flushed, a shy smile tugging at your lips as you held his gaze.
× × × ×
You both barely made it down the hallway before the urgency hit, the tension that had been building all night finally snapping. Bucky’s hands were everywhere—gripping your waist, pulling you against him as you fumbled for your keys, the both of you practically tripping over each other in your haste. As soon as you managed to unlock the door, you pushed it open, stumbling inside, his mouth crashing into yours before it even closed behind you.
Wetness pooled inside you, the need for him overwhelming as you pressed back against the door, his body meeting yours in a frenzy of heat and desperation. His stubble scraped against your skin, rough and deliciously manly, a reminder that he was all raw power and intensity. You loved it, the way it scratched against your cheek, adding to the thrill and making your skin tingle wherever he touched.
His lips found the side of your neck, warm and insistent as he kissed his way down, nipping softly, each touch leaving you breathless. You tilted your head back, giving him more access, exposing the full length of your neck to his hungry mouth. His hands slid up your sides, his fingers pressing in firmly, possessively, as his teeth grazed your skin, sending a jolt of electricity through you.
“God,” he murmured against your skin, his voice rough with desire. “You have no idea how long I’ve wanted this.”
You could only gasp, clutching onto him as his mouth moved up to your jaw, his hands never stilling, gripping you as if he couldn’t bear to let go. Bucky reached a hand up and placed it on your left breast, over the bikini top, and then brought his hand up to the back of your neck to pull you in closer to him. You undid the straps of your top, and down fell the top, exposing your naked breasts to him.
Holy shit—this can’t be real. Am I hallucinating? Is this actually happening? Wait—oh god, is he about to put my boobs in his mouth?!
Like a hungry child desperate for milk Bucky suckled on your nipple, squeezing the bottom of your breast passionately with one hand, and holding the other breast in his other hand. You looked down at him, licking, sucking, rubbing, and he looked as though he was transported to paradise.
He worked himself into a frenzy playing with your breast, until he wanted more. He lifted you up under your thighs, off the floor, and pressed your back against the wall.
Oh shit!
He kissed you again, his hand sliding down to press against you over your bikini bottom. With a quick, desperate motion, he tugged the fabric to the side, his fingers brushing bare skin, making your breath hitch.
As his hand cupped you, he began to move slowly, his fingers exploring, teasing. “Damn,” he murmured, his voice thick with surprise and satisfaction. “You’re so wet. Is this what happens every time you watch my videos?”
“M-maybe…” you stammered, cheeks heating, barely able to meet his eyes as a grin spread across his face.
His fingers slid inside you, moving with a slow, deliberate rhythm, each motion sending sparks through your entire body. He leaned in, his breath hot against your ear as he asked, “How many times have you touched yourself thinking about me?”
You bit your lip, trying to hold back a moan as he continued, each movement intensifying the heat pooling inside you.
“Mmmh—why would I tell you that?” you managed, trying to sound teasing but barely able to keep your voice steady.
His grin widened, a mischievous glint in his eyes as his fingers pressed deeper, his thumb brushing against you just right. “Because I want to hear every filthy detail.”
He kissed your other nipple, the one he missed when before. Bucky always gave equal time to the breasts. Suckling on one nipple, fingering you harder and harder, you were getting more and more excited for the moment he would penetrate you.
“Oh my god—” You swallowed, feeling your face heat up and you could feel yourself slightly sobering up. With a nervous laugh, you finally gave in, your voice soft but steady.
“Fine… sometimes, late at night—ah—I’d imagine you between my legs, devouring me like your life depended on it,” you whispered, feeling your cheeks burn. “I’d—fuck—I’d think about your hands, the way they’d feel inside me, moving exactly like this…mmmh,” you gasped as his fingers pressed deeper, your own words sparking the desire between you.
His fingers never stopped their steady, torturous rhythm, each movement deliberate, coaxing you toward the edge with a patience that was as maddening as it was intoxicating.
“And? That’s it?” he asked, his tone thick with amusement, daring you to reveal more. His thumb brushed against you in just the right way, as if encouraging you to keep talking, to give him every last detail he was craving.
“And—hah—I’d picture you… spitting in my mouth while you’re turning me on, you’d put your hand on my neck while I beg you to i dunno? reorganize my guts—because you’re so big Bucky. . . I don’t think you’ll fit inside me.”
“Oh the innocent looking ones are always the dirtiest.” Bucky’s smirk turned darker, his fingers pressing into you with a newfound intensity, his digits hooking and pressing into your most sensitive spot, causing your hips to jerk against his palm.
“And was I just as good in your imagination as I am now?” he murmured, voice low and rough, sending shivers straight down your spine.
“Yes… yes…” The words left your lips almost involuntarily, your hands gripping his shoulders as your nails dug in, grounding yourself against the overwhelming sensation. Your face twisted with pleasure, each stroke of his digits making it harder to catch your breath.
Bucky’s eyes darkened with a fierce satisfaction as he watched you, his smirk deepening. “Better than you imagined?”
"Mhhm," you tried to respond, but it came out more like a needy moan, your voice barely a whisper under the intensity of his touch.
Bucky's smirk grew at the sound, his eyes gleaming with satisfaction as he took in every reaction, every tremble. "That’s what I thought," he murmured, his voice dark and teasing.
Bucky carried you through the open door of your bedroom, his movements purposeful, every touch sending sparks across your skin. When he reached the edge of the bed, he lowered you onto the mattress, but before letting you go, he bent down to capture your lips in a kiss—a kiss that felt as intimate as it did electrifying.
You couldn’t help but notice the difference; this was something he never did in his videos. Bucky never kissed anyone on the lips on screen. But here, he kissed you slowly, deeply.
His hands moved to your shoulders, firm but gentle as he guided you back into the soft downy mattress. “There you go, baby,” he murmured, his voice warm and low. “Lean back.”
He knelt down at the side of the bed. He pulled off your panties, the final barrier to your sex. He pushed your legs apart and back, and gazed at your pussy, already wet for him.
He stared at your exposed pussy for ten seconds, admiring it like it was the greatest work of art he had ever seen.
"Your pussy," he said, his lips nearly brushing your sex. "It's beautiful.”
You lifted your head up and looked at him. Your jaw was dropped and you were already starting to feel tingles up your body, even though he hadn't licked you yet. You heard his breathing get heavier and heavier, he was so excited to put his lips on your pussy.
Two large fingers of his left hand spread your lips. Two large fingers of his right hand rubbed your clit in strong circles. Each circle sends a shock wave through your body.
"You smell fantastic," he declared, and he dove his mouth right on top of your wet and stimulated clit. Up and down he licked. Up and down, his mouth clasped tight against your pussy.
"Oh," you moaned, as your eyes rolled up to the back of your head. Your arms—with a mind of their own—grabbed the back of your thighs and lifted them back, presenting yourself to this man who used to be on the screen and was now bringing you to ecstasy. He'd only just started to lick you, but even so you felt ready for him to enter you and never leave.
As Bucky continued to eat you like you’re his last meal, each suction sending thrills through you, a sudden wave of doubt crashed over you, freezing you in place. Images flooded your mind—women he’d been with, all effortlessly beautiful, the kind who exuded confidence and allure. How could you compare? This had to be nothing more than another fleeting thing for him, a “friendship” that would end the moment the night was over.
You tensed, your hands moving to gently push him back. “Bucky… wait,” you managed, your voice barely above a whisper.
He looked up from between your legs, his expression softening instantly as he met your gaze.
“What’s wrong?” he asked, his voice gentle, concerned.
“I… I just…” You stammered, the words getting caught in your throat before you finally managed, “I don’t want to be… one of your girls.”
Bucky blinked, taken aback, his expression shifting as if the words had struck something unexpected, almost offended.
“One of my girls?”
You nodded, biting your lip as you searched for the right way to explain. “I… I don’t do one-night stands,” you admitted, feeling vulnerable.
Bucky nodded slowly, his tongue pressing into his cheek as he rose to his feet. "Mhm—no, I get it... it's because of my job," he said, his tone carrying a hint of defensiveness.
You sat up, noticing the shift in his demeanor. "Are you mad?" you asked softly, uncertainty creeping into your voice.
He sighed, running a hand through his hair. "I'm not mad," he replied, though his clenched jaw suggested otherwise. "I just didn't think you'd see me that way."
"See you what way?" you pressed gently.
He met your gaze, his eyes reflecting a mix of frustration and vulnerability. "Like I'm some guy who just goes around collecting flings," he explained. "I thought you knew me better than that."
You swallowed, choosing your words carefully. “It's not that I think poorly of you,” you said. “It's just... your work makes things complicated for me. I don't want to be another notch on anyone's belt.”
He took a deep breath, his expression softening. “I understand where you're coming from,” he admitted. “But believe me when I say that this—” he gestured between the two of you “—is different for me.”
“How do I know that?” you asked quietly.
He stepped closer, his eyes sincere. “Because I don't share moments like this with just anyone,” he said. “You think I go around kissing people like that? Off-camera, in my real life?”
Bucky’s expression shifted, his brows knitting together as he crossed his arms, clearly growing more frustrated. “I thought you knew the difference between who I am on-camera and who I am off it,” he replied, his tone clipped.
You sighed, trying to hold your ground. “Bucky, you’re the one who kept teasing me to watch your videos, practically encouraging me to make it my new hobby—how am I supposed to ignore what you do?”
He scoffed, running a hand through his hair in irritation. “Because those videos aren’t me,” he said, voice rising. “You’re acting like everything I do there is just some extension of my personal life, but it’s a job, Y/N. I don’t go around living like that off-set.”
You crossed your arms, not caring that the blanket had slipped off, leaving you bare before him.
“And I’m supposed to just... pretend that all of it doesn’t mean anything?” you shot back, feeling a twinge of vulnerability but refusing to let it show. “You kept making those jokes, those comments—you have to see how confusing it is for me.”
He took a step closer, his eyes narrowing. “And you think I just do that with everyone? That every person who walks into my life gets these... moments with me?” His gaze softened slightly as he gestured between the two of you. “If that were the case, do you think I’d be here, right now, trying to convince you?”
You opened your mouth to reply, but the words caught in your throat. His intensity was throwing you off balance, forcing you to question your assumptions. You’d expected him to brush this off or laugh, not take it to heart.
He shook his head, a frustrated laugh escaping him. “You don’t get it, do you?” He looked at you, his eyes full of something you couldn’t quite name. “I don’t have to be here, fighting for this. I could have walked away and yet here I am.”
You swallowed hard, feeling a lump form in your throat as the weight of his words settled heavily between you. The intensity of his gaze, the raw honesty in his voice—it was all too much, too fast, and yet it tugged at something deep inside you, making it impossible to brush off. But your heart was pounding, confusion and vulnerability swirling together, and you weren’t ready to face everything his words were unearthing.
“I… I think we should call it a night,” you said quietly, barely able to meet his gaze, the words coming out softer than you intended.
For a moment, he looked at you, his expression unreadable, and you could see him processing your response. Then, with a quiet sigh, he nodded, stepping back to give you space.
“Alright,” he replied, his voice subdued. “If that’s what you want.”
The room felt suddenly colder, the tension between you now tinged with a quiet ache. You could tell he was holding back more that he wanted to say, but he respected your decision, his expression guarded as he looked away.
You bit your lip, your mind racing with things you couldn’t bring yourself to say, with emotions you weren’t quite ready to admit.
“Thank you… for understanding,” you managed, feeling the weight of your choice settle over you.
He gave a small nod, his jaw tight, before he turned toward the door.
“Goodnight, Y/N,” he said softly, pausing for a moment as if hoping you might change your mind, before finally leaving your apartment, the main door shutting made you flinch even though Bucky closed it softly.
The silence that followed felt heavier than you expected. The tension that had filled the room moments ago lingered, and a wave of frustration washed over you, mixing with regret and uncertainty. You took a shaky breath, running a hand through your hair before letting out a long, exhausted sigh.
Without thinking, you grabbed the nearest pillow, buried your face into it, and let out a muffled scream, releasing all the emotions you couldn’t quite put into words. The pillow absorbed the sound, but it did nothing to ease the twist of emotions churning inside you. Finally, you pulled the pillow away, feeling just as conflicted as before, wondering if you’d made the right choice… or a terrible mistake.
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