#man you made me want poutine

[slimecicle-undates]

whats ur fav food

dude its a toss up between the nutella beavertails or poutine from smokes. i fuck up a wow sized bacon poutine with mushrooms. oh and add cheese sauce and its so good too

[starkeyisthelastname]

Dealer!Rafe who makes it up to you after a busy week 👅💵

He had busy all week, coming home at late hours and constantly talking on the phone to whoever. You had only recently just moved into his place and this was the first time you got to see how much he worked. Did a drug dealer really do all this? Sometimes you couldn’t help but to feel a little deprived, and didn’t want to complain to Rafe about it as he did so much for you already.

He was on the phone one afternoon with Barry, talking about some new business venture he wanted to go on. From where he stood on the balcony, he could see you inside the room. You looked like a fucking angel in that little white slip dress, in his bed of all places. He had been so busy lately, that he barely had time to do anything. One of those things being, spend time with you. He knew you felt deprived, shit he did too and as his blue eyes raked up to your face and saw you averting your gaze with a pout, he knew he had to do something.

He got off the phone with Barry, walking back into the master bedroom and towards where you sat on the bed. “What’s going on mama? Why you poutin’ for? Too fucking pretty for that shit.” He told you, large hand tilting your chin up. He studied your face for a second, watching as you bit your lower lip in hesitation and averted your eyes down.

��J-just miss you.” You mumbled quietly, feeling his thumb come to graze your bottom lip as you let it go. You looked back up at him, his striking eyes flashing a hint of possession while he put his free hand on your ankle. “I’ve missed you too gorgeous. Let daddy make it up to you, yeah?” He asked, watching you nod against his digit.

He was sure it hadn’t been that long since he had last been inside you. The way you were squeezing his dick though while he pushed himself your warm hole, had him thinking it had been weeks. “Fuck… this what you need baby?” Rafe asked, watching your eyes roll back a little and your manicured hands come to rest on his abs.

It had only been about a week, and somehow that made you forget how big he was. He stretched you open so perfectly, your pretty pussy wrapping around his thickness as he began to move his hips. You let out a whine, your tummy fluttering the deeper he started to thrust to make you both feel good. “Daddy.. fuck me.” You moaned, already wanting more now that you had it again.

Adjusting your legs to be on his broad shoulders, he placed his hands on either side of the mattress and pulled out of your leaking hole. It was when he slammed back in one go, did you let out a gasp and feel your toes curl. His expensive chain began dangling in your face, glistening in the light as he began pounding into you. “You like that shit, don’t you? Just needed daddy’s big dick to fill this pretty pussy up.” His voice only making you more turned on.

You wanted to be embarrassed that you already felt your orgasm coming on. His dick was too good though and he hit your spot right every time. He of course was the sexiest man you had ever seen with that fresh buzz, muscled body and drink that could make you go dumb. You could hear the sounds of your ocean the more he drove his hips into yours, your breath quickening the harder he went. “Y- you’re gonna make me cum daddy..” Your voice barely speaks out before you are clenching and creaming around him with a loud beautiful moan.

He was trying to keep his ego in check and not bust this quick. But the way you looked so pretty making a mess, taking his dick so well and crying out for him, had his own eyes rolling back. “Here it comes mama, daddy’s gonna nut all up inside your pretty fuckin’ self.” He grunted, a few more thrusts to your gut before you felt the warmth of his seed painting your insides white.

It was after you got freshly fucked, that the pout had left your lips and was replaced with a smile as Rafe had asked if you wanted to go shopping. Of course he was gonna spoil you, you deserved it after being so goddamn beautiful and taking his impressive pipe because you had missed him.

[a-dauntless-daffodil]

Vaggie: "Charlie, babe? Can you come over here for a sec? I need help proving a point."

Charlie: "Okay!"

Charlie: (ZOOMS over)

Charlie: "I'm here." (cradling vaggie's hand tenderly) (beaming) "How can I help...?"

Vaggie: "You just did."

Angel Dust: "Fuckin' show off."

Vaggie: (at angel dust) (Smug) "Your turn."

Charlie: "? Are we playing a game??"

Vaggie: "No but it's still gonna be fun."

Angel Dust: "Shush. I'm tryin' focus here! Ah-HEM."

Angel Dust: "Ohhhhh Husky man~ Would ya come over here an' help me with somethin', mr. whiskers-"

Husk: "No."

Angel Dust: "Pweeease~?"

Husk: "Fuck off."

Vaggie: "And there we have it."

Angel Dust: "Bullshit! You're NOT more attractive than me, toots! Not even personality wise!"

Charlie: "Was that the point we're proving?"

Angel Dust: "NOTHIN'S PROVEN!"

Charlie: "Did it even need proving??? I mean, look at her."

Angel Dust: "I'm lookin'. It's a lesbian only her lover could love."

Charlie: "I DO really love her~"

Vaggie: "And I try hard every day- Angel shut up- to be a little bit worthy of that love. Case in point."

Charlie: "Wait, go back to the point about not feeling worth-"

Vaggie: "Old news babe. Hey Husk! C'mere for a moment!"

Charlie: "-she's dodging the question!"

Angel Dust: "She's bein' an annoying bitch of a friend."

Husk: (slouching over) "The fuck do you want."

Angel Dust: "Shut. UP."

Vaggie: "Nothing much. Didn't want you to miss out on Angel Dust pouting that's all."

Husk: "Yeah?"

Charlie: "Awww Vaggie, that's really thoughtful!"

Vaggie: "Just doing my lesbian duty."

Charlie: "Angel Dust is a guy though?"

Vaggie: "A gay guy. It's solidarity."

Angel Dust: "I hate you."

Husk: "Huh. Fake hating people looks good on you, looser." (smirk) "Cute pout."

Husk: (wanders off)

Angle Dust: "......."

Angel Dust: (grabbing vaggie and lifting her to eye level) "I love ya we're besties for life and if ya do this t' my heart again 'm shanking ya in the middle of the night with a shiv made from a sharpened yuri manga."

Vaggie: "And I've never wanted you more. As a friend."

Charlie: "Okay good great wonderful friendship moment everyone. Now!"

Charlie: (holding out arms)

Charlie: "I want MY girlfriend back." (pouting) "Please."

Angel Dust: "May the sapphic be with ya."

Angel Dust: (dumps vaggie in her arms)

Angel Dust: "Ohhhhh Husk....! Guess who's POUTIN' agai- Whiskers stop runnin' an' look at me!!!"

Husk: "Once was fucking enough."

Angel Dust: "Once is NEVER enough fucking with me~"

Charlie: "Wow. Husk sure can move when he wants to..."

Vaggie: "Meh, he's not even using his wings."

Charlie: "He's really not is he? Aww!"

Charlie: "...."

Charlie: "...Vaggie. Is my pout cute too?"

Vaggie: "The cutest, sweetie." (smooches pout) "And most bi-utiful."

Charlie: "HEHEH."

Niffty: (from above) "I bet she'd pout even HARDER if I dropped this DEAD RAT in her hair."

Charlie: "A WHAT!?"

Niffty: "Dead rat."

Vaggie: "Don't you dare-"

Niffty: "Whee! Here we go!"

Chaggie: (running and screaming)

Angel Dust: (distantly) (shrieking) "HUSK RAT HUSK HUSK HELP RAT DEAD RAT HELP HUSK HUUUUUSK!!!!"

Husk: "-oh shit hold still DON'T FLING IT AT ME ASSHOLE-"

-EXLPOSION-

Cherri Bomb: "wHY IS THERE A RAT CORPSE IN MY BRA!?"

Niffty: "Your welcome!"

Cherri Bomb: "How! HOW IS tHERE A RAT CORPSE! IN MY BRA!!!!"

Charlie: "Cherri run just run-!"

Cherri Bomb: "Already one dead rat boob surprise too late for that!"

Niffty: "Happy pride month everyone!"

Niffty: (GIGGLING)

Niffty: "I bleached and dyed each rat corpse a different rainbow color~"

Alastor: "...Hmm?"

Alastor: (oozing out of shadows)

Alastor: "And no rat for me, my dear? No pride for poor old Alastor?"

Niffty: "For youuu? Iridescent cockroach!"

Niffty: (impales one on his antlers)

Alastor: "Oh I AM touched! ...Might I ask why the change in vermin, however?"

Niffty: "Irony!!" (CACKLES)

Alastor: (confused) (still touched) "Ah."

[bunny-jpeg]

Hi, may I have a beery trifle with champagne, delivered by Phillip Graves please? Thanks!

the bakery menu!

the bakery is still open with lots of delicious treats still available on the menu!

berry trifle ("wrong. try again.") + champagne (sugar daddy situation) and your server today will be phillip graves (call of duty!)

cw: smut/pwp, sugar daddy au, punishments (spanking) & rules, implied age gap, brat taming, naked woman/clothed man, couch sex, power dynamic

graves liked pretty things. he liked them young, dumb and full of cum. to toss some bills at their pretty faces and be on his way to the next pretty things.

but he liked you, he liked you a lot. normally he got tired of his toys and went in search of another one, but you stayed. you had even moved some of your things into his nice house in houston. mascara on the counter, body cream on the nightstand, you even had some of your favourite snacks in the cupboard.

you were almost wife material.

but he didn't want to get ahead of himself. you were still a fair bit younger than him. before he married you, he had to train the brat out of you. that was what he liked about you.

to an extent.

that was how you ended up in the position you were in.

it was sunny in july when you acted out, you and graves had gone into the city to do a little shopping. halfway through the trip you had gotten all pout-y because you didn't want to carry the shopping bags.

"if you buy them, darlin', you have to carry them." graves said as he pulled you towards him and kissed your cheek, "now stop poutin' or daddy is gonna be mad."

the pout never ceased, and soon after the whining started. now graves hated whiners, he didn't accept it with the shadows, he sure as hell wasn't going to accept it from a little girl who tasted like bubblegum.

he sighed and slung an arm around you. he tipped his sunglasses down, those beautiful eyes gazed at you. but his expression was stern, "behave."

you leaned up against him and said, "can you carry the bags?"

he shook his head, "i think i've been spoilin' you and little too much there, darlin'. i think it's time for a little bit of reform."

he thought that the idea of punishment would be enough to settle you down into the passive little kitten he knew you could be. but that wasn't the case, so something had to be done about it.

after you two got home, graves left the bags in the car and took you out of the car by your arm. you struggled to meet his stride. he was mumbling to himself about something as you felt a familiar twist in your gut. you reap what you sow, he once told you.

he didn't even get you into the bedroom, instead having you thrown onto the couch. as a result your pretty pink skirt got hiked up as you sat there like a girl about to be scolded.

graves could see your pretty striped panties under the skirt, but had to keep himself composed. he couldn't just crumble at the sight of your clothed pussy.

"do you know what you did?" he asked, giving you a chance to redeem yourself. he knew he couldn't stay mad at you forever, but he had to set you on a proper course. women your age had a habit of being bratty.

you shook your head, "i did nothing wrong, phillip."

he made a face, "wrong. try again. and if you call me phillip one more time, i'll be makin' you shine my boots with your tongue. now get naked before i cut it all off of you."

you pouted, "well, maybe if you helped me carry all those bags then maybe i wouldn't have been so pissy!" you crossed your arms.

graves raised his eyebrows at the sudden behaviour issues you having. he was a little impressed by the outburst, but it was a behaviour he had to correct. he grabbed you by the face and said, "strip. now. slut."

you slowly took off the t-shirt you wore, followed by the provocative pink skirt. you felt heat in your cheeks as you were left only in a pair of panties and bra. you looked up at graves' once more.

graves eyed you, "still the prettiest thing on the lot." he patted your cheek a little harder than most out, "now, get fully naked. i want to see those pretty tits and that soaked pussy."

you slipped off your undergarments and sat on the leather of the couch, the coolness of it felt odd against your bare pussy as you gazed up at graves like an innocent little deer. but graves couldn't be deceived by your innocent looks.

you were a girl who needed to be put on the right path.

graves grabbed you by the arm and got you over the back of the couch with your bottom half fully exposed to him. this is how graves liked you, bent over a surface and ready for him.

your naked body was for him to enjoy. you were his little slut. he took off his belt and got behind you. his cock was at a perfect level to sink in and properly fuck you.

you anticipated his cock, but instead you got his hand slamming down onto your bare ass cheek. you jolted, your heat in your stomach grew. graves dug his palm into where he slapped which only made the pain more intense. "daddy!"

"i know, darlin'. but i can't have you thinkin' you can misbehave. actions have consequences and you have rules. one of them is to not be a whiny little bitch when you don't get your way." he laid down another hard smack, then another and then another.

you gripped onto the back of the couch and flinched when his smacks came raining down. but graves used his other hand to pin you down onto the surface.

"stay still, or it's gonna hurt me." he groped your ass for a moment, letting you feel the pain before he went back to slapping. you were a mess by the time he was finished and his cock was painfully erect. it was drooling pre-cum all over the bottom of his white t-shirt.

your ass felt hot and a bit of a bruise was forming, hopefully that'll be a stark reminder of the rules of your agreement. you barely had time to think before graves sank his cock into you.

you gripped onto the couch tighter and whimpered, "daddy!"

he chuckled, "that's better. see, isn't like better when you're like this? when you're a pretty little thing for daddy to fuck? you can be a good girl, that's why daddy spoils you. you just needed a little guidance."

his pace was brutal, you could feel your insides being rearranged by the man's heavy cock inside of you. you panted heavily and held on tightly as graves' moved up into you.

"pretty girl."

"daddy."

"i know, just lay there all pretty for me." his voice was a low growl as he bucked up into you. he did adore you, even if you did misbehave at times.

you felt like a toy under his control, your heart fluttered at the feeling of his heavy cock inside of you. the sex was hot and left heat in your cheeks. the slapping sounds of you two fucking made you gasp.

his words were slurred and hot. he was so domineering that it made you flushed all over. your core throbbed and you felt closer to orgasm. you panted heavily between moans and felt a rush through you.

"please, daddy!" you panted, your cunt tightened around his cock. sweat down your back as you felt so close to orgasm. with a few more heavy thrusts, you came around his cock.

the tightness around his length took the breath out of him and his pace became more aggressive. his heart hammered in his chest as with a few more thrusts he finished inside of you. he painted your pretty pussy white with his cum as he slowed down his heavy thrusts.

he panted heavily. his polo shirt clung to his back as he felt the wind get taken out of him. he held onto you for a moment before he slid his softened cock out of your soaked pussy. he wiped the sweat from his forehead and said, "that's it, that's a good girl." then gave you a half-hearted slap across both ass cheeks, "now you be good, or daddy won't go so easy on your next time."

as if your ass cheeks were bruised, but instead you arched your back and whimpered, "yes, daddy. thank you, daddy."

graves loved the sound of that. his sweet girl.

[harbingerscry]

Graves Relationship HCs

I am unapologetically down bad for this man, thank you Tech, I am what you created. Big thanks to Luci and Tech for letting me bounce ideas off of them. I also let my southern out while typing this because I feel like this is an appropriate character to do it with.

This contains NSFW content.

Graves loves you, his partner, more than he can verbally express, which is why his hands are constantly on you. In your home, at the store, walking down the road, even on base in front of his Shadows, it does not matter. It could be as simple as him holding your hip or hand. When he's feeling needy or cheeky though, his hand is in the back pocket of your jeans or, if y'all are seated, he's caressing the inside of your thigh and inching ever closer to the heat hidden between your legs. The man is a certified fiend, I don't know what you expected.

Got jewelry on? He's rubbing it between his fingers, fiddling with it, admiring how it feels and how it looks on you. He loves it because he's bought you every piece of jewelry you wear and it serves as a reminder to himself that he can provide for you. It also feeds his possessive nature, even if he won't openly admit it.

Darlin', sweetheart, baby, pumpkin, doll, he's calling you everything under the sun just to see you smile at him.

That all changes at night when he's balls deep inside you, fucking you into the mattress like the man has been deprived of pleasure his whole life. Those cute pet names only serve to mock and tease.

"Fuuuck, look at my little pumpkin~ Not even able to keep those pretty eyes on me when I ask. Always so fuckin' stupid under me." Philip's smirk was wicked as he pulled on the leg hooked over his shoulder, using it as leverage to bully his cock impossibly deeper into you. Fuck if it didn't feel like Heaven as he rocked inside you. He could feel what it did to you too, the way your walls clenched around him even tighter, threatening to push him out as your whines of his name got louder. "Shh, it's okay baby, just take it"

You can bet your sweet ass you have some bruises and you're having to hide some very visible hickies with your favorite concealer. You could have the biggest pout on your lips about it and he'd just be smug as can be.

"Come on sweetheart, just shows how much I love you." You wanted to wipe that smug smirk off his face at this moment, but nothing you've ever done has. "We're having lunch with your parent's Phillip!" You were pouting, small tears of frustration threatening to well up. It's not because he marked you, but because the outfit he wanted you to wear left your neck and part of your chest exposed, showing off the small galaxy he had made. Graves' chest jolted as he held back his laughs, pressing his lips to the side of your head like it would help silence him. All you could do was reach around and slap his hip in retaliation which just made him finally laugh out loud. "O-Okay baby, you can pick a different top, just no more poutin'."

Oh yeah, by the way, if he's home and you're getting ready he's switching out whatever you intended to wear with something that pairs well with he's wearing. If he's wearing a white polo and jeans he's pulling out that pretty white and pink floral dress/top he got you for your birthday. It's another small way he makes sure everyone knows you're his.

Also, You and your friends want to go out for the night? He's instantly offering to cook for everyone because he doesn't want you out of the house. You don't know it (or maybe you do) but it's because he can't stand you being where he won't or can't be. It's always cleverly hidden under excuses and reasons that make sense if you don't look too deep. Man is a master manipulator when he needs to be.

"Me and the (ladies/guys) were talking about going to the new restaurant downtown for a (girls/guys) night this Saturday, is that okay with you baby?" You called out from the bathroom of your shared bedroom. Phillip immediately tensed from where he was sat in the bed, the hand he was using to scroll on his iPad stilled as he thought of ways to keep you home. "Well, it was supposed to be a surprise but, I was planning a date night for us that evenin'...." You turned off the bathroom light and you padded over to the bed, climbing in next to him. Your body immediately attached itself to his as you snuggled up. "I'm sorry baby, I didn't know. I could just tell them I can't join?" You couldn't help but feel bad, after all, he worked so hard but still made time for you. "No, I know you want to see your friends. Maybe you and the (ladies/guys) could have your night here and I'll cook?" Phillip turned off his iPad and sat it on the nightstand, making a small show of giving you his undivided attention. "That's a lot though, I don't want you overworking yourself more than you already do..." You bit at your lip as you looked up at him with worry. "Pumpkin, if it makes you happy that ain't nothin'. You deserve to be spoiled. Besides, once they leave we can have our alone time and I'll get all the rest I need." The 'our' was accented by a seductive smirk and kiss to the side of your head as he wrapped an arm around you. When you texted the group chat the following morning everyone was happy to agree to coming over. They love his cooking, plus who would ever say no to free food?

I also have to warn you, Graves is a mama's boy. Luckily though, he's not the kind who worships his mom or picks her side over yours. There have been many times his mother has tried to split the two of you up or been nasty towards you. Each time is happens though it is quickly shut down because Graves' isn't going to put up with it. He'll be down right disrespectful to her when she does it and not even bat an eye when she starts getting upset because you've 'turned her baby against her'. He left home young for multiple reasons and she was one of the biggest ones, regardless of how much he loves her.

At the end of the day, this man would choose very few things over you. He's possessive, cunning, manipulative, but his feelings are very much real. He would never put you in danger or hurt you intentionally. That doesn't mean he hasn't before, when he gets mad his mouth moves before his brain. He's stubborn and doesn't like to apologize, but once he realizes how bad he's fucked up he's doing whatever it takes for you to smile at him again.

[thecoffeelorian]

The Anomaly Series, Chapter 4: Republic's Honor (Jod Na Nawood x Reader)

A/N: This story remains Canon Divergent, as there are some topics that I'm not gonna even begin to unpack, let alone attempt to handwave away. 'Nuff said.

Chapter Title: Republic's Honor

Genre: Drama/Romance; Slow Burn; Obvious Canon Divergence.

Word Count: 1,059 words.

AO3: Click Here!

Master List: Click Here!

CW: There will be mentions of trespassing, traveling without documents, and a secondary plotline of interviewing child witnesses to a crime...so from this moment forward, reader discretion is advised.

Special Notes: As I'm not yet sure how I even begin to breach the topic of child abuse here...let's just do the safe thing and label this as 'Spoilers up to Episode 4'. Also, the chapter divider was made by the lovely @saradika.

No Pressure Tags:

@chenoa-devyn-blog @not-approvedtrash @lulalovez @deepestballoonllama-fandoms @papa-poutine

@xbeyondthegatex @bridge-always @loverdjudeforever @kucharka23 @khaleesihavilliard

@xitlalli2001 @braveincafleet @amawu23 @gun-roswell @bruceewayne

@shirley-girly @cloudofpinkicecream @lokigirlszendaya @valdasha @aemondvelaryon

@carry-on-wayward-daughter @pantasticalcat @robin-hyperfixates @hey-x-jude @sydneyann623

@brookeandherfandoms @kazunish @redermraven @ladyofthelakee @nightlordsvengence

@tarboo13 @badbatchposts @trinsghost @racheldon @seekerbear90 and anybody else who wonders what romance would look like for this hot mess of a man. :D

At this point, you’re certainly willing to stay positive. In fact, you’d love nothing more than to let yourself believe that he’ll reveal his true self without any hesitation. Just a few simple words remain standing between the two of you, and then, perhaps once those words are spoken, you can start getting the true measure of this stranger.

That’s the best case scenario that you’re already building in your head.

Unfortunately, it also seems to be the most short-lived one, for “C.J.”—the nickname you’ve bestowed upon him—doesn’t hesitate to cut this idea of yours to ribbons.

Find out where all my belongings are, and then I’ll consider it. Fare ye well.

“What—?”

You probably shouldn’t give up so quickly, though, right…? No, it’s a much smarter plan to hastily scribble out a Hold on in response, the best words you can think to use as part of the negotiation process—yet whether it’s an unspoken signal that this chat of yours is now closed, or he’s just decided to be a thorn in your side, that last sentence of yours vanishes from the page.

In other words, your first unofficial client is officially done talking to you.

“Oh, you laserbrain.”

As odd as this all seems to you, though—the sudden appearance of this man out of a literal nowhere, the dangerous vibe surrounding his arrival, the surprising reluctance of the kids to letting him go, and the unexpected connection he’s decided to make with you—you’re beginning to know for a fact that you’re not at all done with him.

“I guess you’ll just have to talk to me tomorrow, won’t you…?”

And whether or not this “Crimson Jack” is ready to acknowledge it, he's about to start seeing a lot more of you in the days to come.

“After all…I just might be the best chance you have at saving your own skin.”

The next workday falls upon you almost with a vengeance, for along with the usual holo-work that comes with running a small city, there’s now the added tension of dealing with what you can only currently describe as a trespasser. A trespasser who's also your planet’s first undocumented traveler…though that’s one can of worms you’re just not ready to open yet.

Instead, in order to put whatever binding charges he's going to have against him in a foolproof box, you first have to have individual meetings with all four of his ‘crew members’...

“You’ve got to be kidding me.”

...And on this particular day, you’re starting with your boss’ daughter...whether she wants to or not.

“What the heck is this, Y/n? ‘Threatened with physical harm’? ‘Forced his way onboard’?”

“Fern.”

“You're making it sound like he hijacked our ship. That's not what happened.”

“Fern. You've just spent gods know how many rotations off in gods know where—”

“—Fifteen."

“And you've also been surrounded by the most violent criminals in the entire galaxy, one of which decided to sneak back here with you—”

“—Because the bounty hunters were after him!”

“Honey, we can't just let anyone in trouble come to our planet,” Fara interjects, her voice changing from that of Madam Undersecretary to Concerned Mother. “How did he even get on board in the first place?”

“Easy. We distracted the guards so he could slip in and hide.”

“And you're sure that he didn't threaten you or anyone else first?”

“No. 33 would have torn him apart if he tried.”

“33...? Who's that?”

In response to your question, Fern reaches for the somewhat battered traveling bag sitting beside her on the table; then, with what you can only describe as a sad look, pulls out the severely damaged head of what must once have been a very large droid. A droid who, truth be told, looks somewhat like it's seen better days.

“This was 33. He got this way because he stopped Jod's old crew from blasting us—but he'll be all right.”

Her sadness turns to slight optimism, which you can only hope is a good sign of her resilience to whatever went on Up There.

“Me and KB can just fix him up again...um...if she's not hurt herself.”

Jod, is it...?

As for you, you're making several mental notes for the case to come, as you're already certain that you're going to need them in the near future. Notes about KB's welfare, notes about droids, and probably even notes about dangerous former colleagues—and yet, somehow without even asking, you've got a clue to your mystery man's true identity.

Perhaps you can dangle this clue over his head later on, and therefore see if he confesses outright, or else tries to dance stupidly around the issue like some linderling’s battle droid. In the meantime, though—

“—That’s okay, right? We can keep him in the garage, and everything?”

“Now, Fern—”

“—Please, Mom. I’ve been away from home for so, so long, and we’ve already bonded…”

Fern expertly puts on her Pleading Daughter Face, one of the tried and true methods she keeps in her arsenal in order to get what she wants.

“...Don’t you think having him around would help me adjust better?”

Clearly, whether or not this particular creation can count as a living being, she’s grown attached to it during her time away.

Shame you might never have an experience like that.

Nevertheless, you don’t think twice about flashing Madam Undersecretary a “Why not?” look, as you’re somewhat certain that a single droid head shouldn’t be able to do too much damage. Especially one that currently lacks working limbs, teeth, and anything else that could potentially do harm.

And, luckily for the both of you, it’s not all that long before Fara buckles under the weight of your collective emotions, her usual will of durasteel giving way to a rare moment of softness.

“All right, all right! Just…promise me you’ll call for help if he malfunctions, okay?”

In return, Fern never thinks twice about delivering a tiny salute, something that gives you a pang of sisterly pride after being able to watch her grow from a distance. Whatever’s in store for the three of you, perhaps at least she'll be able to get a handle on things fairly early.

“Republic’s Honor, Mom!”

“That’s my girl. Now…let’s get back to business.”

[the-roo-too]

can i request for hanni alphabet? thanks ❤️ - 🌸

candy -> pham hanni ver

aka the fluff alphabet

admiration (what does she absolutely adore about you)- when hanni writes things, she often gets too critical of herself. thus, she admires how you sometimes gently coax the pen out of her hands just to hug her and remind her that not every lyric she produces has to be perfect <33

body (what’s her favourite body part of yours)- your back (💀) as in if you’re taller than her you are cmon no one is shorter than hanni then she loves to get piggyback rides from you!!

cuddling (how she likes to cuddle)- so you know how she’s shorter than you? well hanni is the big spoon, because someone needs to be the man in this relationship

dates (what’s her ideal date)- hanni loves stay-in dates, where you both just listen to one direction 😙 alternatively you can buy/bake with her bread

emotions (how does she express her emotions around you)- very loud, very expressive, the type to hit you when she’s laughing

family (does she want one)- maybe? hanni has better things to worry about let’s be honest

holding hands (does she like to hold hands)- yes!! duh, she’s a angry little sh when you refuse to hold her hand

injuries (what would she do if you got hurt)- would blink really slowly, not believing you just hurt yourself on her guard. next, depending on how badly you got hurt, she would either rush to help you and/or yell at you

jokes (does she like to joke around)- remember when i said she hits you while laughing? that’s because you don’t laugh at her dad jokes

kisses (how does she like to kiss you)- veri soft like mwah 🤭 cute smooches. if she was tall enough, she would smooch your forehead every chance given but she isn’t

love (what’s her love language)- the passive aggressive way of treating you is basically how she expresses her love. yes, she whines when you say she’s short but at least you don’t get bitten because of that, unlike minji

memory (what’s her favourite memory together)- you coming to the studio with drinks for everyone during recording of omg. that’s how you won the rest of nwjns over btw 💪

nighttime (how does sleeping with her look like)- she’s all over you, literally. hanni turns liquid during the night and she hogs you at least you’re warm

oddity (what’s a quirky thing about her)- the tsundere-ish approach she has to other people 😨 not u tho, she loves you

pet names (what does she like to call you)- bunny/tokki, cutie, lovely! mostly wholesome

quality time (how does she like to spend time with you)- marvel movies! hanni loves movies, especially marvel, so a must during the week for you both is sitting down during the evening and watching at least one movie

rush (does she rush into things)- yes 💀 in many aspects: you mentioned once you liked a particular breed of cats, she had one by your doorstep by the next morning, all panicked because the cat nuzzled into her. you liked a pair of rings you saw while passing by a shop and she bought them, even tho they were wedding bands 👍

secrets (how open is she with you)- oversharing? me thinks yes! wdm you don’t wanna listen to how minji made her coffee with spilled milk by accident but tried to put on a brave face and puked it out during practice later?

time (how long did it take for her to confess)- 0.46 seconds, she was smitten the moment you walked by. hanni thanks those above that her members weren’t there to witness how she fell to her knees, begging for your number and/or a date

upset (what’s her reaction when you’re upset)- she stops the goofyines, her baby is sad! tries to understand what and how she can help you :((

visibility (is she afraid of the public opinion)- not really? hanni believes in bunnies or just, gay people. it can’t get that bad if you two come out, right?

warrior (how often do you fight)- you don’t fight, unless you don’t like one direction. then hanni’s all smitten with you all the time, but turns away with her headphones during car rides, pouting at you

x-ray (is she able to read you)- yea 🫡 she gets all the quirky things you do, making her a translator for all your shared friends

yes (how would she propose to you)- as if she had time to worry about things like that bruh. there’s a comeback happening, wanna come over to the studio and have some fun with the girls?

zen (what makes her feel calm)- remember watching movies with her? if hanni had a rougher day, she loves to put her head on your lap and just kinda stay there, with you. makes her feel calm and safe <3

part of [the fluff series]

[templetogavage]

Monthly Measurement: December 2023

To celebrate December 2023, here’s a roundup of 31 posts from last month that I quite enjoyed.

December 10th 22:35: https://www.tumblr.com/peanutbuttergainer/736379009300086785

This excellent photoset depicting a funnel feeding and its aftermath shows off @peanutbuttergainer in some excellent positions. Click through for some more photos.

2. December 12th 16:57: https://www.tumblr.com/exxjockk/736538917387550720/do-you-have-any-clothing-which-you-just-cant-fit

@exxjockk shows off in an outgrown shirt. Check out the rest of the tumblr for a record of his impressive gain.

3. December 13th 10:31: https://www.tumblr.com/mortiskiller/736605222096551936

Denial roleplay is always good- who doesn’t want to watch a fat guy get fatter while pretending he’s getting thinner any day now? @mortiskiller has a great sense for storytelling, and his voice is an excellent instrument- I haven’t watched the video in full, but I don’t need to in order to sincerely recommend it.

4. December 15th 1:38: https://www.tumblr.com/lovingbarbariancomputer/736752892123414528

While the associated story isn’t to my taste, the picture and the writing were sufficient for this one to make the cut. In general, @lovingbarbarbariancomputer tends to tie American values, culture, and aesthetics to fattening men in a way I personally quite enjoy- I’d recommend a quick sampling to see if you like any posts yourself. 5. December 15th 18:03: https://www.tumblr.com/gentlerubz/736814869056274432/something-ex-vegan-idk

Todd Ingram’s poutine habit practically demands this treatment. @gentlerubz delivers, showing the ex-vegan character after he’s completely ditched his old diet. Excellent art as always. I recommend skimming the blog for characters you’d like to see fattened up.

6. December 19th 11:24: https://www.tumblr.com/beauxned-blog/737152167138508800

Deeply embarrassing to find a man with so little body fat as attractive as I do, but sometimes football players just have something special. Much thanks to @beauxned-blog for sharing this picture of James Ferentz. 7. December 19th 17:40: https://www.tumblr.com/chasing-gayns/737175782238076928

At this time of year, anything Santa-themed tends to draw my focus. Cute guy in red chugging milk with the caption “Santa in training”? I’m easy to please. @chasing-gayns has made a pretty compelling advertisement for his Patreon here, if I’m honest, so I’m rewarding it by spreading it.

8. December 20th 7:58: https://www.tumblr.com/thetumarchive/737229785122668544

@thetumarchive is providing an important service here, supplying feedist Christmas prompts. A bit late to be sharing them on my part, perhaps, but there’s always next December.

9. December 20th 18:31: https://www.tumblr.com/overfed-meathead/737269629996695552

From the beginning, @overfed-meathead has had a unique look, due to the commitment to building muscle and fat, but this picture really shows off just how hard he’s gone on it. The only thing that could improve this photo would be him snacking with the other hand.

10. December 21st 9:31: https://www.tumblr.com/13uckaroo/737326241807482880

@13uckaroo mostly posts furry art, which is not usually my thing, so I had to share this piece, which is definitely my thing. I love the art style, and I love watching a gorgeous man turn into a Santa.

11. December 22nd 10:39: https://www.tumblr.com/overfed-n-overweight/737421120372932608

Thanks to @overfed-n-overweight for sharing this gem. Here’s a cute fat guy performing some athletic feats. Look at how proud of himself he is!

12. December 22nd 17:04: https://www.tumblr.com/fat-male-celebrities/737445350859784192

It’s not the largest change, but something about this progression posted by @fat-male-celebrities strikes me as particularly hot. Partially the beard, partially the grey, and partially that Mauricio Pochettino is a former player turned manager.

13. December 23rd 11:05: https://www.tumblr.com/thegainingdesk/737513343630344192

@thegainingdesk has done something I never would have expected- posted a gaining-related statement fic for The Magnus Archives. If you don’t know what that means, you may enjoy it less than I did, but it’s a short horror-themed piece about a man being fattened up by his landlord, so give it a shot even if you don’t have the fannish context. If you like this style, check out https://www.tumblr.com/thegainingdesk/737185437925457920/the-grommr-profile-of-dorian-grey.

14. December 24th 13:35: https://www.tumblr.com/pettyheft/737613389259538432

@pettyheft plays the part of a fat Santa chugging his milk. No cookies in sight, unfortunately- but perhaps they’ve already been eaten.

15. December 24th 16:43: https://www.tumblr.com/sandwichfella/737625208927748096/2-month-before-and-after-im-going-way-faster

@sandwichfella ended the year with a 2 month before and after. Not bad, though of course I’m looking forward to the 1 year before and after…I’ll keep an eye out.

16. December 24th 17:26: https://www.tumblr.com/largeluke24/737627917164658688/get-more-from-largeluke-on-patreon

A fat boy in a Christmas sweater shaking his belly like a bowlful of jelly. A very festive present from @largeluke24 this year.

17. December 24th 22:53: https://www.tumblr.com/thebeautyofbigger/737648509966254080

@thebeautyofbigger decided to dress up as Santa getting lightly buzzed before his big sleigh ride- I question whether this is ideal for someone about to make a trip around the world, but I approve of the extra calories.

18. December 25th 2:24: https://www.tumblr.com/boneyardbellybabe/737661769138536448

I actually have this same outfit, albeit in two parts rather than as a onesie. @boneyardbellybabe wears it better.

19. December 25th 10:52: https://www.tumblr.com/sometimesgaining/737693743745007616

What an excellent present! And I’m glad we dispensed with the need for wrapping paper, better to see what we’re going to get. @sometimesgaining looks incredible here- the bow is a nice touch, but the camera quality also does wonders for the already gorgeous belly on display.

20. December 25th 10:59: https://www.tumblr.com/ntls-24722/737694166033760256

The rare post from outside our little containment zone that I will include, here’s a post about how annoying it is when sexy Santa takes are muscular and not fat. Fat Santas are way sexier.

21. December 25th 18:31: https://www.tumblr.com/pigjolt/737722622306140160

I’ve already included a few along these lines, but @pigjolt looks so good in this festive sweatshirt chugging milk that I couldn’t resist. Merry Christmas indeed.

22. December 25th 23:33: https://www.tumblr.com/snackkattackk/737741579277713408

I love how little @snackkattackk is trying with this costume to be anything other than a sexy Santa. I mean, of course, you have the accoutrements, but that shirt is leaving little to the imagination.

23. December 26th 10:02: https://www.tumblr.com/fat-male-celebrities/737781147804778496

A fun selection of photos from @fat-male-celebrities showing a chubby footballer, Kevin Pannewitz. I don’t know the context for the last two photos, but I appreciate the belly peeking through.

24. December 26th 22:28: https://www.tumblr.com/roundnfuzzy/737828117777874944/onlyfans

Santa jiggling his bowlful of jelly. Transfixing preview from @roundnfuzzy.

25. December 27th 12:19: https://www.tumblr.com/devilmaychub/737880382974869504/every-day-ive-been-eating-so-much-cheesecake-late

A sweet little description of being a gainer with a sweet tooth. @devilmaychub may be straight, but his description here applies just as well for those of us on the other team. Grab a dessert while you read it.

26. December 27th 12:54: https://www.tumblr.com/anorthsidecub/737882576848666624

Sometimes a simple GIF is all you need. All it’s missing are some milk and cookies, which I will choose to imagine @anorthsidecub has just off-screen.

27. December 27th 15:04: https://www.tumblr.com/dangercocktail/737890742552395777

A beefcake showing off his belly. Enough said. @dangercocktail might be more known for fiction, but I might also check out the rest of this Tumblr now.

28. December 27th 16:04: https://www.tumblr.com/dilfcontent/737894555383447552

While his brother may have achieved fame outside of football circles recently, @dilfcontent has correctly identified which Kelce I’d like to see more of.

29. December 27th 16:33: https://www.tumblr.com/babelnimrod/737896386296692737

Just a big fat guy, looking fat. @babelnimrod always shocks me, somehow, whenever I see photos. I don’t know what it is, but that belly always looks fatter than I remember. Well done.

30. December 28th 22:23: https://www.tumblr.com/tytoalbion/738009007160213504

I Can’t Believe It’s Not Gainer Content. Either way, a cute guy with a belly belongs on my blog. Merry Christmas to all, and to all a good bulk.

31. December 30th 18:16: https://www.tumblr.com/urges-to-gain/738174632959655936/aftermath-of-a-pizza-stuffing-do-i-look-bigger

What can I say? A fat man eating and rubbing his jiggly belly is exactly what I like to see. Thanks to @urges-to-gain for giving us a nice note to end on.

I hope everyone enjoyed their holidays (or, at least, were grateful for the excuse to pig out). Here's to December, and to 2023, even if it's a bit late.

[pascalscoffin]

Away From The Devil pt. IX

Full Pedro Masterlist

Series Masterlist

Pt. X coming soon

Warning: Minors Go Away I Will Kick You In The Forehead. I just don’t want kiddos here. Reader is around 24 Joel is 56. Reader is female and uses she/her pronouns. Joel and reader getting close. He’s having old man “can’t do this” struggles, but he’ll get over it. Memories of David. Memories of Silver Lake. Soft!Joel.

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It’s been a week since you got to Jackson. Domesticity with Joel and Ellie was… an odd thing to transition to. There was no harsh words when you knocked a glass over, no knuckles colliding with your cheek if you weren’t having a good day and wound up having too much attitude with either of them.

You spent a lot of time with Ellie, stuck in Jackson since Maria had yet to tell you if you could go on patrols or scavenges. If you weren’t with Ellie you were usually helping Maria with things around the community, or with Joel, sometimes jealously watching him get ready for his patrol, your hand smoothing over the snout of his horse as he saddled it.

“Maria still won’t let me go on patrols.” You’d told him this morning, scratching lightly at the horses snout as Joel made a noise of acknowledgement. “She’s probably waitin’ to see if she can trust ya.” You peered around the horse to look at him and raised a brow. “You get to go on patrol and she doesn’t even like you.”

He gave you look as you said, brows furrowed and eyes squinted a bit as you stuck your tongue out at him. “Tommy trusts me. Apparently that’s enough for her.” He shrugged and tightened the saddle as you huffed, rolling your eyes. “I’m sick of doing laundry and cooking, Joel. I can help.”

“I don’ know what you want me to say. I ain’t got nothin’ to do with you going on patrol.” Joel stepped around to the front of the horse, his hand settling on its mane as he looked down at you. “You could tell them I can handle it.” You huffed and crossed your arms as he raised a brow.

“You’re poutin’.” “So?” “So, you look like a kid, and I have to go.” Your mouth gaped and you hit his arm. “I do not look like a kid.” You scoffed. “You do.” “Well at least I can stand up without complaining about my back hurting.” Joel chuckled deep in his chest, his face mere inches away from yours, his breath warm as it hit your cheek.

You almost thought he was gonna kiss you, he was so close and he even looked at your lips. One of his hands was holding your fingers in his. “She’ll let you out eventually. Don’ hold it against her.” His voice was soft, quiet, something reserved for the private moments you would have together.

And then the barn door was slamming open and Tommy was strolling in with a couple others for the group patrol. As if nothing had happened, Joel was pulling his hand from yours and walking around the horse to greet his brother and the other guys, whose names you couldn’t be bothered to remember right now.

You looked at the horse and sighed heavily. “Buck him.” You grumbled before giving it one last pet and stepping out of the stable. When Tommy saw you he grinned real wide and shouted your name. “Thought I’d see ya here. Didn’t see ya with Ellie.” You shrugged a little. “I wanted to say bye to the horse.”

Tommy snorted a little and looked at Joel with a smirk, to which Joel just glared at him and shook his head. You frowned a bit but didn’t give it much thought. “Well- good luck, I guess.” You waved to the guys and made your way out with a heavy sigh.

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Any one of these guys would be better suited to you. They were closer to your age, looked better, they had a higher life expectancy than Joel did. Of course, these were things Joel was thinking before any of them opened their mouths.

“If I knew that was out there waitin’ for me, I would’ve gone on scavenges a lot sooner.” The three of them chuckled behind Joel and Tommy, Joel’s jaw clenching as they continued. “Seriously. I mean, I love my girl Alice with all my heart, but if I’d known she was out there?” Another scoffed. “I woulda waited.”

Joel kept his eyes forward, trying not to focus too hard on what they were saying and the fact that it was making the leather on his reigns cry under his grip. Tommy, of course, noticed but kept his amusement to himself.

“Y’know I heard she was in some weird cult thing or somethin’ like that.” “No shit, really?” “Yeah.” “Damn…. I bet she’s a freak when you get her in a bedroom.” Joel growled lowly as the three of them laughed and turned his head quickly. “You should be paying attention. Not talking about a girl you don’t know like she’s a piece of fucking meat.” They stopped laughing quickly and widened their eyes.

“Dude… chill. We’re just joking around.” Joel scoffed and looked forward. “Real nice boys you got there, Tommy.” He said sarcastically. “We’re in our twenties.” Joel made a dramatized ‘wow’ face before rolling his eyes. “You’re out here on patrol. Not to gossip.” Tommy finally spoke up. About fuckin’ time, Joel thought to himself.

Thankfully, they were smart enough to at least listen to Tommy and there were no more degrading comments tossed around about you, and Joel could finally loosen his grip on the reins.

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When he got back to Jackson he looked around for you or Ellie, figuring you were together since he couldn't find either one of you. As he was putting his horse in the stable, though, grunting a complaint about his fuckin' back hurtin', he heard two distinct giggles and looked behind him to find you and Ellie standing there with cocky smirks. "What?"

"Nothing. Just surprised you can even walk at this point." Ellie sassed, making you laugh as Joel grumbled and glared at the two of you, finally turning completely to face you. "What do you two want? Figured you'd be helpin' Maria or somethin'."

You grumbled under your breath but Joel ignored it and moved past the two of you to make sure his horse was comfortable, you and Ellie watching him closely. "Jeez that'll teach us to be excited to welcome you home." Ellie responded, going over to greet the horse with a smile.

"We've been around the marshmallows too long." Joel raised a brow at Ellie. "Marshmallows?" Ellie shrugged in response. "Jakcosnians. Whatever." "How do you two expect to like it here if you don' give it a chance?" "We're givin' it a chance." You defended. "and, for your information I do like it here. I also like not being stuck somewhere like a caged dog."

Joel was quiet after that, brushing the horse's hair down before hanging up the brush and stepping out of the stable, closing the little door behind him and latching it. ".. anyway. We wanted to bring you to eat." Ellie looked between the two of you as she spoke, quick to pick up on the sudden tension in the area. "The stew they made is fucking amazing."

Your stomach churned at the thought of stew. That's all you'd eaten for the last 14 years of your life, and it had been fucking people the entire time- or at least for the second half. You knew this stew didn't consist of people, of course you knew that. Tommy and Joel were more than capable hunters and would bring back 20 squirrels before they brought back a person.

But as you walked into the dining hall, Ellie and Joel ahead of you and talking amongst themselves, and watched your stew be poured into a bowl, you felt your skin dampen and your stomach twist and curl in on itself. No, fuck, please. Just let me fucking eat.

You sat down with Ellie and Joel, looking down at your stew as they started to scarf and slurp it down. You swallowed the lump forming in your throat, blinked away the tears burning at the back of your eyes, and took a deep breath before you started eating the stew.

It was good, God it was so fucking good. Yet still, your stomach twisted and tried to deny the food, deny the possibility of eating anything remotely like what you'd been forced to eat for so long. Silver Lake stew couldn't even begin to compare with this, not that you thought it could.

Jacksonian stew wasn't thick, or clumpy, it wasn't bland and didn't demand more salt and pepper to mask the metallicy pork flavor Silver Lake stew always seemed to have, even when it was meant to be deer. The meat was tender, falling apart in your mouth rather than needing to chewed like a piece of gum.

Despite the stew being probably one of the best things you'd tasted in a while, you found yourself nudging the still half-full bowl towards Ellie, giving her a smile when she frowned at you. "you're not gonna finish it?" You shook your head. "no, I'm fine. You go ahead." Ellie grinned and was quick to pur your portion into her bowl before sliding your bowl to you and digging in.

Your eyes moved from the bowl in front of Ellie, to Joel and you found him already looking at you, his head tilted ever so slightly with a confused look on his face, brows furrowed and his eyes scanning your face slowly. You gave him a smile and then looked away to watch the kids running around outside the hall.

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"- fifteen, sixteen, seventeen, eighteen, nineteen, twenty! Ready or not, here I come!" You spun around from where your face was tucked into a corner, your small eyes scanning the white ground of Silver Lake in the winter time. A look down at your body would show it smaller, shorter, your hands soft and proportioned perfectly to the skinny arms and small torso they were connected to.

A sneeze off to your right catches your attention, a quick moving of a purple shoe and you were sprinting towards the small trashcan. "got you!" You shouted, jumping around the trashcan to find Candace, a pretty brunette with striking green eyes, pouting up at you with her arms crossed. "That was a technicality! I sneezed!" You shrugged with a giggle. "You have to help me find the rest now!"

Candace forgot the fact that she lost after that, scrambling to her feet with a squeal. "I saw Daniel go this way. Come on." She grabbed your hand and started tugging you towards the shed you'd been told not to go towards, your eyes widening. "He didn't go inside, did he?"

"No, silly, Father David would be so angry!" Candace looked at you with a giggle. "We have to be quiet now, or he'll run." She whispered, starting to tiptoe around the shed with you. When you saw the tuft of Daniel's soft blonde hair you gasped and giggled as you ran to him. "Got you, Daniel!" You talked him to the ground.

Daniel had been your best friend, a truly beautiful boy with bright blue eyes and shiny red cheeks even in comfortable weather. Daniel, unlike Candace, was a complete sport about being found and was happy to return your hug and roll around in the snow with you, the two of you giggling happily.

And then you heard it: David's loud, angry voice carrying as he stomped over to the three of you, demanding to know why you were playing so close to the shed. His eyes burned with anger, causing a chill to run down your spine as you and Daniel scrambled to your feet and began explaining you were just playing hide and seek, that you hadn't meant to go near the shed but there weren't very many places to hide.

David hated that even more and within seconds he was tightly gripping your small wrist in his large hand and yanking you away from your friends. Tears filled your eyes as you tried to keep yourself from being drug through the snow, looking back at Candace and Daniel as they pouted, knowing there was nothing they could do.

You knew what was coming, it hadn't been happening long at this point, but already you knew you weren't going to get a slap on the wrist, or a stern talking to like most of the girls did.

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"y/n? Are you okay?" You jerked your head over to Ellie and blinked rapidly, quickly reaching up to wipe tears away from your face quickly, nodding. "I'm fine. Where's Joel?" "He went to give Beth our bowls..." she reached out and settled her hand on top of yours. "Are you... sure that you're okay?"

You chewed on your lip and nodded slowly. "Mhm. I'm just.. thinking too much. Don't worry about me." You said softly. Ellie didn't seem convinced, a frown on her face but she was still nodding, not pushing the subject any further as Joel came back.

When he got to the table you stood up, and Joel cleared his throat. "I'll take the couch tonight. You can have the bed." "Joel- you were just complaining about your back and you're gonna sleep on the couch?" Joel shrugged and you scoffed. "You take the bed. I'm fine on the couch." You doubted you were going to sleep much, anyway. Not with the sense of dread settling in your stomach.

"I said-" "oh my god, you guys get on my damn nerves. Joel, take the bed, you're fucking old and you constantly bitch about your back. You can force her to sleep in the bed tomorrow. Now let's go." Ellie huffed and moved around the two of you and out of the dining hall.

You watched her go, but when you looked at Joel you found him staring at you again, an unreadable look on his face as you shifted. "... what?" "You okay?" You blinked rapidly and frowned. "Jeez.. not you too. Yes, Joel. I'm okay." You said softly, sighing heavily. "Just.... ready to get back to our house and lay on the couch is all."

With that you turned around, leaving Joel to stare at your back for a moment before he sighed and made his way out of the dining hall and back home with you.

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A pain shot through your back as you were shoved against a wall, a cry leaving your mouth as you opened your eyes to find David inches away, shouting in your face. "You thought you could leave me?! Leave us?!" He shouted, pulling you away from the wall to shove you onto the ground of the dirty, abandoned building he'd found you in.

"You can't even keep yourself hidden. I can't imagine how you plan to feed yourself." You pushed yourself back as David stalked towards you, rolling his sleeves up to his elbows as tears filled your eyes. "D-David please-" "David please." He mimicked in a whiney high-pitched voice before backhanding you. "Shut. Up."

You looked at the ground, trembling as you brought your hand up to your cheek. Slowly, your eyes turned and about fifteen feet away, there he was. Daniel. Now seventeen, but he wasn't going to age anymore, not with his head caved in that way, his teeth spat on the floor. A sob wracked through you as David grabbed your face and forced you to look at him. "I-I loved-" "What? You loved him?" David scoffed and looked back at Daniel, and then back at you. "Look where that got him."

Your jaw trembled in his grip, the tears falling freely as he got closer. "All loving you is going to get someone, is dead. And you're not worth it." He growled before grabbing your shirt and yanking you to stand. He dragged you right by Daniel's body, not giving you a second to stop and say goodbye to him.

let's run away together, his words echoed in your mind as you were yanked from the building, can't stand the thought of him doing that, let's go, just me and you.

just me and you, you'd echoed.

Just like the man in the QZ, you'd watched Daniel die, screaming and pleading as David had gotten the upper hand, begging for Daniel to get up. Any attempts you'd made to stop him had been futile, met with your own hit from his bloodied fist. Just like the man in the QZ, you watched Daniel's light, once shining as he looked at you in hidden corners of Silver Lake, in the false comfort of the abandoned factory, go out completely, leaving nothing but a shell of what he used to be.

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You shot up with an involuntary cry, reaching up towards the collar of your shirt to make sure there were no hands on you, that it was just a dream. And then there were hands on you, and you were screaming.

"Hey! Hey! Its Joel!" You froze at the familiar voice and looked up, eyes wide as you rapidly searched the person's face, slowly starting to calm down. Okay... okay it was just Joel. As you relaxed in his arms your shoulders started shaking and you were grabbing his shirt, practically falling into him as you sobbed, shaking like a leaf against his chest.

Joel seemed surprised but didn't say anything, his arms slowly enclosing around you, his hands rubbing up and down on your back. He didn't stop you when you crawled into his lap, curling up in a tight ball, like you were trying to drown yourself in his frame, protect yourself.

"You're okay." He whispered after a while, his hands warm and comforting even through the fabric of your sleep shirt. "I got you.." his chest hurt seeing you this way, he knew you were strong, he'd seen that on the trip to Jackson, in the hospital when you'd killed someone for him.

But this? This wasn't... you. It was you, but it was a broken, torn down version of you and it made him sick to see you so distraught, made him want to destroy whoever made or will ever make you feel this way.

"I-I'm sorry- if-if i wo-ke yo-u up." You choked through your cries, Joel shaking his head. "Don't worry about it. Shouldn' go through this alone." That softness was back in his voice and you tighetened your grip around him.

Joel sat like that with you for a long time, occasionally whispering words of comfort to help calm you down, his hands going from rubbing your back to just barely scratching, soothing you even more. "Come on." He mumbled once you'd calmed down, standing up, still holding you in his arms as he walked to the bedroom and gently laid you in the bed.

He pulled the covers over you and wiped your tears for you. "Get some sleep." He whispered softly. You looked up at him, silent as he stood up. When he turned, though, you grabbed his wrist and sat up, swallowing thickly. "... stay? P-please?"

Joel turned and looked at you, completely prepared to say no and urge you to just get some rest, but the pleading look in your eyes and the soft warmth of the mattress was calling to him, and before he knew it he was laying in front of you, under the blanket.

".. do you wanna talk about it?" He whispered, reaching up to move some of your hair back out of your face, his fingertips resting on your jawline after that as he gazed at you. You shook your head a little, indicating you infact didnt, or couldn't in this state, talk about the dream. "... thank you for helping me." You whispered.

A soft smile ghosted across his face and he nodded. "'Course." He whispered softly. "Whenever you're ready to talk about it.. I'm ready to listen. Okay?" You chewed on your lip and nodded slowly. "Okay." You said softly.

You stayed like that for a while, in complete silence as you and Joel just looked at eachother, bodies gravitating closer and closer until you could feel eachother’s heat radiating between you. Your feet tangled together a bit, knees just barely touching, and your fingers wound together between your bodies.

You’d only ever laid with one person like this. Daniel. It had never lasted long, never lasted all night because he had to be gone before morning, before David showed up at your door. You didn’t realize you were crying until Joel let go of one your hands in favor of reaching up to wipe under your eye.

You couldn’t bring yourself to tell him yet, the words would form but as soon as you’d open your mouth to say them you’d start crying again, and he’d pull you into his chest until you stopped.

Eventually, you fell asleep like that, tucked tightly in Joel’s arms with him whispering comforting words into the top of your head, his hand rubbing up and down your back until you felt the dark creep in and fill your limbs before filling your brain.

You didn’t dream after that, your mind exhausted from your crying and forcing so many memories on you in one day.

Joel didn’t leave, not right away, he waited, and waited, watching the window and when the sun was just barely brightening the sky, that’s when he slipped away, grabbed his clothes for the day, and slipped out of the room with one more look at your sleeping form.

He felt a tug in his chest, your voice playing in his head, begging him to stay, please all over again. His fingers curled around the door and he clenched his jaw, furrowed his brows, and finally stepped out of the room, closing the door with the softest click, terrified of waking you while he was sneaking away like some… filthy disgusting secret.

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Taglist:

@romanarose @orcasoul @caitlynsixxx @shotgun-shelby @aspecialgreenie

[splatteredfandoms523]

I Heard You Couldn't Sleep

Mad meticulously got the bed ready, blankets laid out in precise positions for maximum cuddles and maximum comfort. He was in one of Mare's t-shirts and a pair of comfy pants as he went out to find the other three men in the house, a bit pouty about no one coming to bed with him.

He found Dark first, in the predictable spot. He was pacing in his office, on the phone with Wilford, as that was the name he kept saying as he sounded more and more irritated. So, Mad decided to get help for getting him and moved on through the house.

Mad found Anti next, tinkering with some laptops with trying to occupy himself. This seemed much easier to deal with than Dark on a business call with Wilford, so he went in. He gave Anti his best pout and walked over to him.

Anti tilted his head and frowned a bit, "Awww, why are ye poutin'?"

Mad looked incredibly tired and pouty, "I made the bed, and no one was coming to join me. And Dark is on a business call, and I haven't found Mare yet."

Anti chuckles, getting up and going over to press a kiss to Mad's forehead, "Well, how about I get Darky, and you go find Mare? I have a feeling that the music man is looking for you too, go check the bedroom."

Mad nods as Anti goes to get Dark. Anti then glitches in and takes the phone from him.

"Hey, Bubbles, Imma need you to handle this shit on your own for a bit. Mad is pouty. Darky has to come with me. Deal with it."

Dark looks a bit irritated still, but he takes a deep breath and lets Anti take him to bed.

Mad, however, pads back to the room to first hear and then see Mare playing a soft lullaby on his guitar. Mare stops and puts the guitar away when Mad comes in, pulling him in for a cuddle at seeing the tired pout.

"Long day, Starlight?"

"Mhmm. I just wanted cuddles and no one was here with me."

"I'm sorry, Starlight. But let's let Anti drag Dark in here, and I'll sing you a lullaby, hmm?"

"That sounds nice--" Mad breaks into a yawn.

Anti then plops in with Dark, "Sorry we're late, but I got him off the damn phone."

Mad just smiles, "It's all okay now."

Dark looks a little annoyed, but with a look from Mare, he drops the annoyed look. Then Mare smiles as he starts to sing a soft lullaby.

Mad, who's cuddled into his chest, drops off first, breath deepening and slowing. Then Dark drops off, head on Anti's shoulder and curled around him. Then finally, Anti drops off with a soft static hum.

In the end, Mare hums softly to himself with a smile and then finally falls asleep himself, head leaning towards Anti in the big cuddle pile.

@iamvegorott Here ya go!

[mylevisdontfitanymore]

i was thinking about those eating competition/contest videos on youtube, where people eat so much food in 30 mins or an hour, etc. then i thought of steve/bucky/nat and eating contests. maybe one of them is involved, maybe multiple.

they have always been into eating and these seem like a good way to finally be full. they start out slow, maybe once a month participating to avoid piling on weight. they are good and win some contests, and start doing more. once a week they have an eating challenge. to avoid getting fat, they eat healthy during the week. maybe large salads to avoid too many calories but keep their stomach capacity up.

they have to take a break from the contests and all is okay still, but they get bored of the healthy eating. they decide to have a cheat week and just eat whatever they want. the weight piles on, and they decide they like it (their partners like it too) and they keep gaining.

I've been holding onto this ask for forever 😫 so sorry!

The eating contest component immediately made me think of the fic "No Contest" by caloriebomb, which is literally just FAT STEVE and I-

It's good.

Anyway, you know what this made me think of-?

This made me think, what about an alternative universe in which Steve, Bucky, and Natasha meet as competitive eaters? Maybe they aren't, like, famous competitive eaters but are just casual enthusiasts. Local gods, perhaps.

Anyhow, they all meet at a competitive eating contest...

Natasha seeks out Steve and Bucky intentionally when she sees the newcomers at an annual contest she's been attending for a few years. Not only are they new, meaning they don't know about her crazy stomach capacity and stretchability, but they're also both very handsome, and she feels like seeing some handsome men eat their words, literally. She wonders if either of them with blush. That, or if either of them will willing admit that they're wrong when they end up being wrong about her... maybe they'll just say it. Maybe they'll squirm 😈

So, she elbows them, offering a bet while the announcer is, well, announcing the event. I bet I'll eat more than you. She makes sure to smile softly. She doesn't want to give away her plans just yet. She's having too much fun.

The slightly shorter man with dark hair immediately agrees with a charming grin of his own. He looks her up and down and then gestures to himself, inviting her to do the same to him, raising silent eyebrows. It speaks only of, are you sure? The blond haired, taller man only stares at her. She can tell he is trying not to panic, having a pretty girl talk to him - it's cute. Normally, she'd roll her eyes, but there's something about blondie. Something about the brunette, too.

She likes them 😏

The brown haired guy nods when blondie doesn't do anything and says, under the announcers excited tone, that he'll bet.

"What're we betting?"

"$100?"

"Shit, I can't resist that," he says, offering his hand for her to slap in agreement.

She does. "And you're friend?" She bats her eyelashes at him, blondie, and watches him open and close his mouth like a fish. She almost laughs out loud. He's a golden retriever. Cute.

"He's in, too. Trust me."

Oh, yeah, this will be fun, Natasha thinks, and she has to look away because she doesn't want to give them her "predatory" smile. Predatory as her friends have told her it looks. What? She can't help that she knows she's right. She's gonna win.

Natasha learns the boys' names as they're announced to go on. Bucky, the brown haired one. Steve, the blond haired one.

So, Natasha meets and greets and beats the the boys.

At this competition they're eating poutine. Not Natasha's favorite, especially considering that she didn't grow up with it. It being just fries with shit piled up on it, but it's still pretty good. Poutine is good for shoving down. Good for contests like this one. Soft and relatively wet with good flavor. It means that fistful after fistful can go down before she has to take a millisecond break for water or before she can tire of the taste.

Natasha empties her first tray, then her second and third and fourth and fifth and on and on and on.

She smashes through it. Her stomach filling and expanding but not full.

She can feel Steve's eyes when they stray to her every once in a while. Flicking. Not checking her out, but, just trying to figure out how she's going so fast. Her fingers are a blur. Lifting fries to mouth again and again and again, shoving it down, getting it inside her. The faster, the better. C'mon, c'mon, c'mon, she urges herself.

Suddenly, he opts to go whole hog, shoving her face into the fries and inhaling them.

She doesn't look at Steve.

She's not looking at anything but her prize, looking through the poutine servings just like a runner doesn't stare at the finish line, they look through the finish line that way they'll go the whole way with full power. She's going full power. She can see poutine when she shuts her eyes to chew harder, getting more into it. She is in the zone. So much so that she hardly feels the stretch of her flexible stomach muscles. Rounding out. Convexity created by the weight, the mass, of the poutine. No, she doesn't feel the stretch. She just feels the fire under her ass. She knows she can beat any beginner, but she wants to do her best. She doesn't wanna win a little. What's even the point in that?

She wants to win by a landslide.

A landslide that was slid right down her throat and into her gut. All that rock and earth heavy and full, making her massive. For anyone who didn't see her figure prior to the event starting when she gets uo, they're gonna question who let a pregnant lady join an eating contest.

She's still packing it in.

And, God, she must be massive with how those fries and toppings slide right doooown.

Down her throat.

She's getting heavier.

It has to be almost over.

It's been so long.

But-

She's not going to stop until the buzzer hits. She's not even going to look at the clock. No distractions. Not even the handsome boys to her right.

She hammers down more. She's almost done with this tray.

Another. Get is down. C'mon, you have this.

BZZZZZZ!

There!

Yes!

It's over!

Natasha finally lifts her head, "wooo," she huffs, feeling how her head buzzes with the rush of sensations. Now that the heat of the moment is done, it's all coming back. Woof. She's stuffed. She can feel the grease and fat going straight to her veins. She can feel the heavy, solidness of fullness. Wonderful. And-

"Holy shit!"

She can feel pure satisfaction at knowing she's won. Easily. She's a cat that's got the cream. A whole gallon.

She looks over to her new favorites. They're both sweating with messy mouths.

New heat stabs Natasha when she sets her eyes on the pretty gape of Steve's grease-slick, shiny lips. It's multiplied by the grin growing over Bucky's own lips. Equally shiny but not as plump. Steve's bottom lip takes the cake on that. And, my, my, my could it be cake. It looks soft. Natasha would like to sink her teeth into it. Into them both.

Natasha wins the eating competition and $200 extra from her new companions.

As they stand to waddle heavily off stage, Nat notes that Bucky has managed to do well. She can see the bloat of his belly. It looks nice and firm but still soft. He would be good to touch she bets. He had more padding than she initially thought, strong but still soft. Steve, however... Steve is not fairing well. He's probably eaten just as much as Bucky, perhaps even more than him, but he was not padded. He's all hard muscle with pounds of poutine attached to him.

Woof.

His new gut sticks out like a beer gut. Through his tight shirt that's been forced to expand enough to expose a few inches of pale, strained skin, she can tell that his abs are not happy with him. They're stretched taut. She licks her lip, picturing how pink his freckled skin must be, those muscles struggling to keep his belly attached to him.

That time, they part ways.

The next time they meet up, it's another competition. Bucky strolls up to her, Steve behind him like a trailing puppy, and confesses he's been training, patting his belly with a charming grin. She laughs, oh, really? You think you can beat me?

He does.

They end up betting again. Steve stays out of it this time, clearly the smarter of the two, Natasha teases.

Because-

Natasha wins again.

Bucky may have been training, but he's been training with water. Water is different from food. It goes down easier. It might be heavier than food, and it might stretch you out like food, but it isn't the same. Natasha blows him out of the water, pun intended.

She ends up with her gut sticking out past her tits, breathing hard and heavy and caressing the sides of her gut with her fingernails while Steve looks on, trying and failing to hide his interest. He's blushing now worse than he was immediately after eating.

Steve's muscles may not want to stretch, too used to being tight and perfectly sculpted, but he's stubborn, and he packs a lot down. Bucky, too. He's having an easier time, but he burps something crazy. Steve hisses out little moans and gasps. They're both delicious in their own ways.

They meet more and more and more.

They exchange numbers and constantly are texting and sending photos. Talking about training exercises and sometimes even showing exactly what they mean. Boasting about wins (Natasha) or near wins (Steve and Bucky) from competitions they all don't attend. Showing off photos of their guts post-contest then showing the subsequent damage days after they get stuffed full for contests. Their own and others entertainment.

It becomes routine to crash into an Uber on the way back from a contest, all together, making the car sink that much closer to the ground as a result of their combined weight. They go back to either Bucky's and Steve's apartment or Natasha's apartment to spread out on couches and floors and beds. Anywhere they can starfish out to digest. Sometimes separate. Sometimes, in one huge bloated pile.

After contests, Bucky burps and pats his belly hard like he doesn't mind how tender his gut must be. Steve, meanwhile, moans and gasps and complains about how much he ate, how he should stop, or how he can't believe he did it again, and he has the loudest gurgles. He can hardly seem to touch his own belly. It's too much. Post stuffing, Natasha would purr if she could, feathering her fingers over her stretched belly and taking the time to massage lotion into her skin. She'd purr because of the feeling of her own body along with the feelings of the bodies around her. Two big, big guys squishing her, confessing that they still don't get how she can just do that.

It's a gift. Her capacity and her boys.

Her boys because... aomewhere along the lines, they start becoming more and more intimate.

Steve begins letting Natasha rub his belly with lotion and moans like she's wrapped his dick up her in lotion-slick hand. If not her, otherwise he won't touch himself and will actively lift his heavy body up and away, groaning as he moves like it's the most difficult thing he's ever done, from Bucky. He does not want his gut slapped or prodded. He will burp when his body wants him to, thank you very much.

Bucky begins pinching her hip and telling her how nice she always looks but blushes when she does it back to him. Bucky starts unbuckling his belt and letting his pants drop after pushing up his shirt. Crashing hard and getting comfortable. He also gropes his gut in front of them both. Nat catches an eyeful of his dick getting interested in his rough touching more than once. Steve takes off his shirt but leaves his pants off. She isn't so thrilled about it though, she's curious if he's like Bucky. Truly into this. And she's slightly concerned those pants are going to cut him in half one day.

Soon after those developments, Natasha allows herself to slip out of her bra more often than not when they're crashing after contests. Bucky both jokingly and sincerely confesses that it's crazy hot that she can stuff herself so much that the band of her bra becomes too tight. It gives her enough confidence to slip out of her pants, too. Leaving her to join Bucky in just a t-shirt and underwear.

They begin to see each other at times other than post-competition, too.

Eventually, they're more often together than not. And one day, Steve blurts randomly, "are we dating?"

Bucky bursts out laughing, shaking his head, "when I left it to you to figure that out, I- I didn't! Think you'd!!-" he slaps his knees, laughing harder.

Natasha looks between them, crossing her arms, "so you've talked about this together. Without me."

They both stumble and stutter.

She relaxes, allowing herself to grin, "good. You're both on the same page then."

Steve mumbles about having a heart attack. Bucky smacks his shoulder, "serves you right."

"So..."

They stop behaving like children and snap to attention. Starting at her.

"Do you want to date?"

They both nod eagerly.

"Good. We'll keep doing what we're doing then."

And that settles it. They keep living in each other's pockets, and they keep going to eating contests. It's the same. Just as good. Until... something breaks.

Steve stops working out. Like that.

It's so sudden.

He shrugs and claims he just doesn't feel like it. He'd rather be home with them or out eating with them. He doesn't want to waste time at the gym. He's full of love. He doesn't need to obsess over a hobby to fulfill him any longer. Bucky and Natasha cuddle him extra tight that night. And night by night... Steve gets softer and softer. His abs fade fast. His trim waist widens a little. And. It breaks them. Natasha and Bucky become even more obsessed with Steve. There's more of him.

If they all also gave up their obsessions of eating healthy and being active during the week when they don't have eating contests... there would be more of all of them.

And they can't go back once they realize that.

More. There could be more of them all. More love. More to touch and hold and-

Okay. Yes.

With the ending of their self-imposed rules about healthy eating and exercising and the continued entering of eating contests, they all start feeling the brunt of those calories near immediately.

Steve changes the most rapidly because of his sudden dropping, cold turkey, of working out. His poor body. It doesn’t know what to do with continued heavy calories that aren’t protein; his body could work off the cheat meals of competitive eating contests and put it towards more muscle, bulking, but his body can’t deal with cheat meals every day. Stuffing himself every day. Moaning about it. Loving it. As a result, Steve’s waist actually gets wider. His abs are gone impressively fast, and he starts to look puffy. Thick like frosting. (Natasha certainly thinks he’s as good as frosting - he’s sweet and pale white, and she could spend hours and hours licking and tasting him). His waist as well as everything else. His hips and thighs and ass. His chest and arms. And his jaw. Oh my god. His face starts filling out, those model cheekbones filling in. It’s cute.

He looks so good.

The frame of a liftaholic, gym rat is still under his new weight, but it’s buried, leaving him wide and fluffy looking. It’s only when you press your fingers into his new fluff that you can feel those hard-earned muscles underneath, holding up his new bulk.

And as much as Steve’s chin begins to get a twin it’s worse for Bucky.

Bucky already was holding onto a lot of puppy fat, youthful with a soft, smooth belly and face. So, as his gain creeps up on him - gaining slower than Steve - his face is chubby. Full cheeks and a soft jawline that both Natasha and Steve are obsessed with kissing. Natasha has a thing for biting it. When they don’t have to go anywhere for the weekend or the rare alignment of their schedules off work, she’ll leave marks on his double chin and press on it with her thumb every chance she gets, admiring her handy work and feeling all the weight Bucky has gained. It’s not just his face, though. Bucky gets nice and wide, too. His shoulders widen, his back starts to arch and forms little rolls, his legs begin to soften, and his chest gets hit. But it’s really his gut. He gets a great, full gut. Along with his swollen gut come chunky thighs and an impressive ass. Steve looks like he’s been inflated like he’ll pop if you poke his constantly stuffed ball of a gut while Bucky looks like he’s been hitting beers too heavily for too long. Bucky is relaxed and carries himself with a jiggling, heavy swagger. Steve is seemingly in pain, in the best way. He’s moaning and working around his gut. He doesn’t know how to carry himself. His mind can’t keep up with his body.

Natasha gains right along with her boys, of course. Her tits get bigger - she gets stretch marks on the sides of them, right around her underarms - and for a while, unless she’s stuffed, you can’t tell her belly is getting soft compared to her chest because of the size of her chest. But. Her gut catches up eventually. Suddenly. Her body gains weight in her thighs and hips and chest until, bam! Overnight, she suddenly has more than a soft little curve to her belly.

Bucky goes from burying his face in her tits or between her thick thighs whenever possible to pressing his face against her tummy. It’s kinda the best thing he’s ever seen. Nice and round and balancing her top and bottom half. Connecting her curves with an even larger, more irresistible curve.

Steve is never as brash as Bucky. He is less shy than he once was, but he still blushes and still is shy, curling in on himself whenever he’s turned on and has the chance to touch Natasha or Bucky. It’s adorable. It brings out the sadist in her, wanting to force him to beg or wanting to encourage him, grabbing his wrists and making him grab her tits or belly or ass. It's her game to make Steve call her fat. His good boy manners and society’s conditioning leave him tongue-tied until he’s really, really strung out. She can sometimes make him stutter it after a good, long week of stringing together eating contests day after day until they might as well roll themselves home after the last one or after Bucky and her have spent the day winding Steve up. Stuffing themselves and complaining about how full they are, obscenely eating food. Touching each other or even straight-up having sex in front of Steve without inviting him in. Anything. Everything. Teasing Steve until he’s willing to admit she’s fat. Nice and round and plump. Whatever naughty, big word she can get from him, she cherishes.

She also cherishes all of Bucky’s words, but Bucky’s mouth is filthy. She needn’t encourage him to call her names that should make her upset but instead make her hot. She doesn’t have to do anything before honey is dripping from his mouth, and he’s making himself and Steve blush. And they all love it. Natasha often jokes that they have turned their lives into an orgy of gluttony. Bucky kisses her right on the mouth and wonders out loud if three is really an orgy. Steve just groans. The two of them together is too much and he’s had too much - his body is still the most sensitive, he’s gained the most weight, and they both seem to favor shoving food at him the most, so he’s never not stuffed full, lying back under his pale, mountainous gut. Steve is their bloated playground. They tease him. They mess with him. Stuffing immobilizes him. He doesn’t have enough self-control to stop until they stop him, so while they can crawl all over him and all over each other… Steve lies back. Panting. Moaning. Weakly shifting as his gut burbles and they kiss on top of him, pressing their guts together. Natasha will often ride him while Bucky fucks his mouth or fucks Natasha’s ass, struggling to get close enough to her now that they’re all so fat.

It’s a good life.

Big fat partners 🫠😵‍💫😵‍💫❤️

[wttt-dirus-work]

Can u tell me some stuff about Quebec?

wanna give her a cameo in an fic

Hey! So first of all, YESS!

Now, you weren’t quite precise in your ask, so imma share a variety of my own headcanons to give you some more info^^

Physically:

She has middle back long, slightly curled deep brown hair, with copper reflect in the summer, and the crystal-clear blue eyes you can imagine (when she’s angry her eyes become more white than blue, and the air is way colder than before). Her skin is pale, pinkish on the nose and cheeks in the winter, and she got some freckles. In autumn, her hair is redder and more blond than brown (leaves changing colour) when she’s in the south of the province.

Her body temperature is usually colder than any of the Northeast States and lower the more she is north in her province (the only state who share the same temperature is Alaska). Now, during the summer, depending on what’s going on, she can get as warm as the lower east coast state when she has wildfire. If she had tornadoes, she’s physically frazzled, and if it’s flood, her skin takes a greenish or bluish tint. If it’s a good summer (no fire, tornadoes, or floods) she has a good temperature, around the same as the Northeast states.

For her clothes, from Automn to spring (October to April), it’s usually a t-shirt under a flannel, a toque (beanie) or earmuff, jeans, mittens, and converse (boots if there’s snow). Her shirt is usually a HABs shirt (Montreal Canadian hockey team), especially during hockey season, her flannel dark blue or bright red, and her toque vary. Sometime is a blue one with her name on it, other times a white one with a pompom, or it’s a Nordiques de Québec one (Québec City hockey team before they were bought by Colorado and became the Avalanche).

During the summer, it’s usually capri pants or long shorts, a tank top or t-shirt, a cap (usually a Buffalo bills one, or Jersey Devil after she started her relationship with NJ), and sunglasses. Sometimes she wears flip-flops, other times sandals, depends on her mood and where she’s going. She’s a fervent user of sunscreen and always got water on her.

Character:

Honestly, depends on the situation. She can be a real Bitch if she wants to, mainly with the other province when they attack her (usually the wests ones). She’s a mom friend if she knows you and care about you and will make fun of you if you embarrass yourself with her (she respects boundaries tho). She knows her worth and is incredibly stubborn when she wants to. If you dare compare her to France she’ll make you regret it and she is really proud of her culture (never says Poutine was made anywhere else than in Québec, she and I will fight you about it). She’s always happy to teach people French and if you respect her she’ll respect you.

She’s polite meeting new people and like to share culture; she’ll judge you if you do something stupid though.

Concerning religion, she’s a little lost. When she became New France, in the 1500s, she was divided between the Catholics and Natives spirituality (usually animist) before staying Catholic. Then, during the Quiet Revolution in the 60s, Québécois rejected religion, and made the government secular (not linked to religion). So, I believe she’ll be mainly Agnostic, for mostly only the oldest generations (Boomer and older) are church goers.

Relationship:

Now, her relationship is carved from centuries of existence and experience and differ from if they’re Canadian or not.

Canadian provinces and Territories:

She’s *friendly* with New Brunswick and Nunavut, but don’t really speak with Prince Edward Island or Nova Scotia. She’s extremely supportive of Newfoundland and Labrador (Trans man) and has a great relationship of mutual respect with Northwest Territories (They’re as old as the other and have known each other for a long time).

Concerning Ontario it’s more of an indifferent to *I kind of care about you* relationship. They don’t agree about a lot of things and usually snap each other (Ontarian drivers are terrible, I swear), but they will support each other when the West become snappy at them.

Québec barely care about Manitoba (the feeling’s mutual) and Yukon (they don’t know each other well).

Now, for the West province, well, its complicated. British Columbia is a bitch most of the time because she likes to rile up other people. Québec respect her because she’s alone on the other side of the Rockies and is the oldest Western province, and as women alone on their own for a long time of their existence, they both respect each other. It doesn’t stop BC from having terrible social skills (except when she’s high, then she’s like a hippie and is nicer while also staying passive-aggressive).

Now, Alberta and Saskatchewan are twins; they share the same Province day and are only older than Nunavut. Saskatchewan is the nicest one, but still resent Québec for trying to separate in the 70s. Alberta uses Québec to blame most of her problem; the French province is far from her, refuse to speak to her in English, and well, Québec doesn’t care about them most of the time. To her they are children, who doesn’t understand her, or even try to get her point of view, so she won’t fight them about it.

Concerning the states:

I wrote about QC and Alaska and their relationship in I've tried to put this all behind me (I think I was wrecked all along), but in short they met during the New France era, when Alaska was still owned by Russia, and became close friends despite the language barrier. They met again because of Maine.

For the Northeast, Virginia, Georgia, and the Carolinas, I already share some of it in my fic Five times Québec helped a Northeast State. I headcanon her as on the Aromantic spectrum (Gray or Demi) and Pansexual, and she slept with PA, NH, and Vermont before they settled down (NH with Vermont and PA with Ohio). She and Jersey have a together/not together relationship (really you need to read the fic to get it) and she’s married to NY (QPR).

Maine is like her brother, Connecticut, NH, and Vermont her close friends, and the rest are her friends. She loves Virginia and their ability to bring the other back in order when they get too chaotic. Mass, PA and she are always ready to fight each other concerning hockey (they were pissed when tempa won two Stanley cup), and she likes to watch Rhode Island kick someone’s butt.

For the other southern states, well they helped her out when Britain ordered her captured (before her wedding to NY) and she always liked them for that.

Finally, Louisiana. I didn’t present their relationship yet, but I’m working on their fic.

Louie resent her. It’s not conscious, more something they both refused to acknowledge, really. He didn’t know that, when they were separated, she was sold to the British while France sold him to Spain. He resent her because she never tried to get to him, or get him back, and how she never helped him from Spain treatment.

I’m waiting to write those two, so yeah.

That was it! You got me to write a story, omg. If you have any question hit me up^^

[redlettermediathings]

It finally happened! The day that we received a package from Breen was the best day since the pandemic started. The slim package that arrived in our mailbox was like a little slice of heaven sent to us from above. A simple mailer that held the truth of which we sought. Cinema. Kino. Joy. I looked at the package, my brow sweating with anticipation. I pursed my lips as I often do in the delicious moments before sipping an ice cold beer. This was just as good. Maybe better. The mailer was that of a simple man. It wasn’t a fancy mailer. It wasn’t padded nor did it have a design on it. In fact, the mailer the DVD arrived in was a cut up cereal box held together with duct tape. I smiled and whispered to myself, “That’s the cup of a carpenter…”. It was here. We received the new Neil Breen film. Was this a Blu-ray? No. This was a DVD-R burned on a computer. I smelled the disc and the jewel case. It smelled like 2003. I cried at the beauty of the whole embarrassing ordeal. It was like a hug from an old friend who had long since passed. A friend you never wanted to see again or allow to hug you. In my hand I held the new Neil Breen film. I couldn’t wait to show the guys! I called Colin from Canada and told him to run to RLM HQ right quick to watch the film with us. He said, “oh, I’ve already seen it. It’s terrible.” And I called him a poutine-slurping, caesar-sipping canuck fuck and told him to get down here to Wisconsin right quick. He responded by saying, “I’ve got work and I’m watching my elderly neighbors diabetic cats and…” I just cut him off. I said, “Look you fucking prick, I have it. Let’s watch it!" So he did come down, albeit unwillingly. What are Neil Breen films? They are moopies made by a man who is the weirdest man to ever live. He’s the perfect oblivious filmmaker. Never getting better or evolving, only getting worse and more lazy and more old and more grandpa jeans. Neil Breen’s films are always about a loner man that has special skills or knowledge above all other humans. There is often a babe involved in his films, although the sexuality is awkwardly placed and seems forced. The women usually look incredibly uncomfortable at the notion of being in love or even attracted to Neil Breen. Likewise, any romance on his part seems obligatory. I guess the thought is that a movie needs “romance” so he must add “romance” But he’s no James Bond! Since this was Breen, we assumed this was worthy of a Best of the Worst™ Spotlight™ episode. It couldn’t simply be lumped into a regular three movie episode. Boy, were we fucking wrong. This pile of trash couldn’t have been more disappointing. Breen has gone too far this time with the green screens! Who does he think he is!?! Peter Jackson? George Lucas? James Cameron?!? I mean, sure you can use a green screen sometimes… if you’re making a fucking Avengers movie!!! But come on! Literally every background, outdoor location, and room is a stock image. A flat shot without movement. I can say that at the very least in some shots he created a foreground mask to make characters integrated into the frame by putting them behind objects, but really? While the story sucks, the acting is bad, it’s boring and shitty, it’s still a Neil Breen film and we have to love it as if it was our own cross-eyed inbred baby with no limbs. Anyways, while I have you here, I own a timeshare in the Cayman Islands. It’s in a nice part of town, but it’s basically a 1.6 million dollar shack. One of the owners killed himself recently and now I’m stuck with paying his part due to a legal snafu. I don’t quite understand it, but my lawyer Phillip Gorlon (no relation) tells me it’ll cost me more in legal fees to get out of this timeshare than to just keep it. I tells him that I’m strapped for cash at the moment, what with the cost of eggs, covid tests, etc… so my question to you is: Do you think Neil Breen might want to shoot his next film in the Cayman Islands?

[hedgiwithapen]

mike and jakeem in as much trouble or danger as you'd like with "take me instead"

Jakeem stared at the man in the hoodie, very consciously suppressing the nervous laugh in his chest. This was Blue Valley. He'd have expected weird mutant gorillas, giant robots, the undead, honestly just about anything before some random white dude some Vegas poker tournament jacket and a gun. 

But it was still pointed at Mike, expected or not. Jakeem tried not to check his watch, not wanting to twitch. How long could it take to get to Canada and back with poutine? Yz can't be that far away. He could feel the empty pen in his pocket, though.  

"Look, you don't want to do this," Mike was still reasoning with the guy. "We're just a couple kids in a little town where, uh, lemonade still costs a nickel, you know?" He'd ignored Jakeem's hiss to not make the guy mad, which would have made Jakeem a lot more upset if he wasn't also the one using his own body as a block between them. They'd just been walking on a side street, but there was still no one walking around, at least not close enough to notice anything was wrong. Jakeem gave a panicked glance towards the bell tower. Still too soon. 

The guy laughed, gesturing with the gun. "Two said you were a chatterbox. Move it."

"Who?" Mike asked, and Jakeem could hear the patented Dugan stubbornness in his town just as well as he could see his trying to dig his feet into the sidewalk. "We're not going with you. We're not literal toddlers."

Jakeem found his courage. "You could at least offer candy." When the guy looked at him, Jakeem promptly felt said courage flee. "Or not," he squeaked. 

"Funny. Now come here, Dugan, or I'll have to shoot you."

Jakeem grabbed for Mike's arm, but he tugged free. "Don't hurt him. Leave him out of this."

"I'd prefer too," the gunman said. "Need someone to deliver a message, anyways."

"Then take me instead," Jakeem said, shoving in front of Mike.  The part of his brain that screamed with his older sister's voice told him he was being an idiot.  The part of him that had to think ten steps around a problem to make a good wish argued back. This guy, his boss, or whoever, wanted Mike. Him not having Mike was safest.  All Jakeem had to do was run out the clock, and everything would be fine. It had to be.

"Jakeem, what are you doing?" Mike hissed.

"Trust me," Jakeem said, wishing he trusted himself. 

"Real cute,"  the guy said. "Stay out this hand, kid.  I need this particular bargaining chip."

"Why?" Jakeem asked, wincing. Half of him still screamed at the other half that this was a terrible plan. "We're, we're teammates. Anything anyone'd do for Mike, they'd--" he stopped himself. Would they really do the same for him? He wasn't Courtney's kid brother. Pat wasn't his dad. The guy, with his playing card hoodie, smirked. 

"Don't try to bluff." The gun moved, far too close to Mike again. "You run along and tell Pat Dugan and his wife that the King of Spades wants to have a chat."

[haytemeallyouwant]

The bar wasn’t as full as it would be on the weekends which made Jamie happy. She wanted to relax, drink and enjoy the night not have to deal with weirdos coming up to them. Grabbing a table in the back she bad ordered a round before Britt could pull her card out. “This one’s on me.” She said offering a smile as the drinks were brought. She could see someone out of the corner of her eye staring and shot the man a look that was enough to make him sit back down. 

“I really love the denim and looks like it was a hit with the fans too.” She picked up her glass and took a sip from it. This was the norm for them for awhile now. Britt even teasingly calling it date night on her socials. Jamie smile and check over the menu. “You want a snack so you aren’t drinking on an empty stomach? I’m thinking poutine.” @drbbakerdmd

[neonstatic]

[ID: Block of text that reads: "It finally happened! The day that we received a package from Breen was the best day since the pandemic started. The slim package that arrived in our mailbox was like a little slice of heaven sent to us from above. A simple mailer that held the truth of which we sought. Cinema. Kino. Joy. I looked at the package, my brow sweating with anticipation. I pursed my lips as I often do in the delicious moments before sipping an ice cold beer. This was just as good. Maybe better. The mailer was that of a simple man. It wasn't a fancy mailer. It wasn't padded nor did it have a design on it. In fact, the mailer the DVD arrived in was a cut up cereal box held together with duct tape. I smiled and whispered to myself, "That's the cup of a carpenter…". It was here. We received the new Neil Breen film. Was this a Blu-ray? No. This was a DVD-R burned on a computer. I smelled the disc and the jewel case. It smelled like 2003. I cried at the beauty of the whole embarrassing ordeal. It was like a hug from an old friend who had long since passed. A friend you never wanted to see again or allow to hug you. In my hand I held the new Neil Breen film. I couldn't wait to show the guys! I called Colin from Canada and told him to run to RLM HQ right quick to watch the film with us. He said, "oh, I've already seen it. It's terrible." And I called him a poutine-slurping, caesar-sipping canuck fuck and told him to get down here to Wisconsin right quick. He responded by saying, "I've got work and I'm watching my elderly neighbors diabetic cats and…" I just cut him off. I said, "Look you fucking prick, I have it. Let's watch it!" So he did come down, albeit unwillingly. What are Neil Breen films? They are moopies made by a man who is the weirdest man to ever live. He's the perfect oblivious filmmaker. Never getting better or evolving, only getting worse and more lazy and more old and more grandpa jeans. Neil Breen's films are always about a loner man that has special skills or knowledge above all other humans. There is often a babe involved in his films, although the sexuality is awkwardly placed and seems forced. The women usually look incredibly uncomfortable at the notion of being in love or even attracted to Neil Breen. Likewise, any romance on his part seems obligatory. I guess the thought is that a movie needs "romance" so he must add "romance" But he's no James Bond! Since this was Breen, we assumed this was worthy of a Best of the Worst Spotlight" episode. It couldn't simply be lumped into a regular three movie episode. Boy, were we fucking wrong. This pile of trash couldn't have been more disappointing. Breen has gone too far this time with the green screens! Who does he think he is!?! Peter Jackson? George Lucas? James Cameron?!? I mean, sure you can use a green screen sometimes… if you're making a fucking Avengers movie!!! But come on! Literally every background, outdoor location, and room is a stock image. A flat shot without movement. I can say that at the very least in some shots he created a foreground mask to make characters integrated into the frame by putting them behind objects, but really? While the story sucks, the acting is bad, it's boring and shitty, it's still a Neil Breen film and we have to love it as if it was our own cross-eyed inbred baby with no limbs.

Anyways, while I have you here, I own a timeshare in the Cayman Islands. It's in a nice part of town, but it's basically a 1.6 million dollar shack. One of the owners killed himself recently and now I'm stuck with paying his part due to a legal snafu. I don't quite understand it, but my lawyer Phillip Gorlon (no relation) tells me it'll cost me more in legal fees to get out of this timeshare than to just keep it. I tells him that I'm strapped for cash at the moment, what with the cost of eggs, covid tests, etc.. so my question to you is: Do you think Neil Breen might want to shoot his next film in the Cayman Islands? There's lots of beach (of course) some very interesting shooting locations and a lovely Indian restaurant called Southern Spice that has agreed to do catering, I can lease my place for $42,000 a day and his next film can be called "Island Crossing: Cade's Offshore Bank Account Scam" and it'll be a rip-roaring island adventure film about a man who travels to the Cayman Islands to find his lost love, but discovers corruption and injustice and fights for the people with the help of the A.I. chip in his brain. Best thing is if Breen did a Kickstarter for…. Let's say 1.6 million that could also cover what I'd charge in "insurance" for him to shoot in my Cayman Islands palatial estate. Just throwing that out there. I think the film would come out amazing and there's be very little green screen. But there's be lots of green for me if you know what I mean! Then I can finally dump this shitty timeshare property after stupid Rolando put a shotgun in his mouth. What a fucker. I mean, whose wife ISN'T having an affair in today's economy! - Krebs Gorlon." End ID]

they should invent a Pulitzer category for YouTube descriptions and give it to Mike Stoklasa every year