#man literally said ‘nah fuck y’all I’m not following this shit’

[hanakihan]

an anecdote about a philosopher who asked a conqueror to move away and stop blocking sunlight

listen I spend too much effort on this shit which is basically a scene from a fanfic that I just wrote in my head I sure am doing things in wrong order ain’t I

ANYWAY for those unaware it’s based on Ancient Greece anecdote about Alexander the Great meeting with Diogenes and later completely disrespecting the great conqueror himself without actually offending him

Diogenes’ philosophy honestly gives me such strong Ratio vibes (or more like other way around) AND I encourage people to create more AUs involving Ratio and Ancient Greece stuff

[youtellmeman]

Boyfriend! Lo’ak headcanons

All under the cut

Rated E

Fucking menace holy shit

That rumor that guys are annoying when they like you it’s cause of him

Absolutely the worst before y’all started dating his great idea to getting your attention was being annoying

This in the end like most of his shenanigans back fires so bad it’s sad cause it just leads to you ignoring his ass and then he wants to act butthurt

“Why are you ignoring me? :(”

Eventually tho he does figure out that he has like court you properly with gifts and compliments and just being nice

Sucks ass at it tbh feel like he gives the worst compliments totally on accident

“Don’t worry I think it’s cute how bad you are at weaving.” Smiles dumbly at you “You think I’m bad at weaving???”

Once you’ve fallen for him tho it’s a wrap magically gets smooth as fuck it’s wild

Knows just what to say, how to act, everything

Def a level 10 clinger

Always with you doesn’t matter if your busy he’ll just sit there and watch you

So touchy like he always has a hand on ur waist, messaging ur shoulders, tail wrapping around ur leg

Despite his recklessness with his life he is the exact opposite about you

You wanna come on one of his adventures with him, nah. You decide to do something reckless without him knowing, fattest scolding known to man

Literally the exact copy of how his father can be sometimes

Don’t tell him that tho cause he will be butt hurt about it for ages

While he might be reckless with his life he'll never be reckless with yours so be ready to get told no A LOT

you wanna go with him on one of his adventures, no. You wanna go on one of your own, no. You wanna go hunting by yourself, nah.

So protective im telling you and with being protective comes, you guessed it, jealousy!

Most jealouse mf in the world im not gonna lie to you

Like he's so used to neteyam getting what he wants while he gets in trouble for shit that once he has something of his own he is not letting go

PDA king for the sole reason that he needs everyone to know they can't have you

Someone hitting on you, he's coming up to you and just enveloping your mouth in a kiss until said person walks away

Hungry kisser for sure. Kisses like he needs you to live and it never fails to leave you breathless

the type to have you pinned against a wall, or tree if we wanna be accurate, and still pull ypu in by the waist

Theres never gonna be a time where he doesn't follow your lips when you pull away

Hands are very much everywhere he can reach like its rare that kissing him doesn't lead to something more unless its a quick peck

Loves to just plant himself in front of you if your seating and demand that you play or do his hair

Falls asleep like that incredibly often

Snores im so sorry

Mf could shake down a house with his snores if he's really tired that day

Runs hot so dw about sharing blankets in bed

Downside is he does have sweaty hands like you gonna have to pull away sometimes to air dry

Sucks at cooking but still tries cause he wants to be romantic, he almost burns ur hut down and its decided he doesn't cook anymore

wants to be ur big strong man he will hold anything and everything for you, and then will burn red if you notice

"What would i do without you and your strength to help me gather things hmm? " "I-uh-i dunno." Pink as hell

—————

A lil appetizer for before I upload part 2 of my lo’ak series

[ptergwen]

sensation

w/c: 4.6k

warnings: some swearing, suggestive tings, and a pretty bad ending

summary: it’s the last night of your world tour, and tom has the perfect way to celebrate

a/n: i know y’all have been waiting for this one! everyone really loved when worlds collide but i ran out of ideas for it lol sorry... anyways my solution was to turn it into a oneshot :D based off the au!! i’m honestly nervous about posting this cuz a lot of you asked for it and i don’t wanna disappoint but i tried my absolute hardest to make it special <3 please enjoy

-

“thank you so much! we love you!” you shout to the audience, laughing breathlessly when they shout back. one of your dancers pulls you into a side hug, you throwing your arm around his neck. “we’re so fucking lucky you chose us, that you came all the way here. i’ve seen some of you back at night one. wow.” your voice gets wobbly, thinking about how loyal your fans are.

the tour started in new york, and they’ve followed you here to london.

tonight is an emotional night for everyone. you’re about to wrap your last show before you continue again in the summer. touring the u.k. has been a dream, and you’re just as thrilled to travel the rest of the world after your break. it’s bittersweet because you’re going to miss the hell out of your crew and the millions of lovely faces you’ve sang to each week. but, you do get to spend your time off with a special someone.

he’s watching you from the sound booth, sending fond smiles and loud cheers your way. thanks to you, tom has been at every show you’ve played in england. he brought harry along this time because he’s also a fan and wanted to see you. well, tom is more than a fan at this point. you’d say he’s more of a boyfriend. you haven’t discussed labels just yet.

your dates have mainly been over facetime, since you live on opposite sides of the world with insane schedules. a heartthrob actor and international popstar is quite the combination. you’ve only seen each other in person a couple of times, the first being pretty recently.

zendaya brought tom along to hang out with you in los angeles. he happened to be there recording some lines for a movie. she saw your concert earlier that night and invited him to crash the dinner plans you’d made, resulting in the best surprise and most fun you’ve ever had. the other time you enjoyed each other’s company was one weekend in paris. that was... something.

besides those two miracles, everything between you and tom happens through a screen. you’ll down bottles of champagne or keep warm under blankets while talking about your days. it’s nice, having someone on the other end who listens and actually hears you. tom gets it. you both do.

finishing your tour in london is convenient because not only will you have tom to comfort you, but you get to stick around for a while. he’s invited you to stay at his place. you can’t wait to meet the other holland’s, his friends, and obviously tessa.

“fuck, i’m gonna cry. i’m already crying,” you announce to the crowd, though they can tell from the tears streaming down your face. more dancers huddle around you and turn your single hug into a group one. you’re laughing and sobbing and holding on tight to everyone. fans bawl their own eyes out, the fact that this is it starting to settle in. the onstage crew even gets choked up, seeing you like this.

tom pouts from where he’s watching. he wishes he could run up there and squeeze you tight, but he’ll have to save that for when you’re done.

“i love you all so much, literally every single one of you in this room,” you tell everyone for the nth time tonight, swiping a perfectly manicured finger under your eyes. “my lighting crew, sound crew, my band, my fearless fucking dancers-“ a hiccup cuts you off. people burst into fits of giggles, which is a much needed tension breaker. you adjust your headset so the mic doesn’t pick up any other bodily noises.

grinning, you rest your arm on a shorter dancer’s shoulder, then go on. “sorry, sorry. i just wanna say, like, three more thank you’s before i get out of here.” there’s a chorus of no’s and encouraging whistles at the mention of you leaving. you blink back more tears to delay the breakdown you’re going to have. “thank you to my friends who always show up for me.”

with a knowing smile, you glance over at tom. “and, thank you to my more than a friend.” he smiles back, both hands held over his heart. harry elbows him in congratulations. more screaming erupts from the crowd as they realize where you’re looking and who you’re looking at. this will be sure to spark some headlines. whatever, you’re used to trending on every possible social media platform by now.

“this is the big one,” you preface, taking in a breath while everyone quiets down again. “thank you to you guys. for trusting me, for caring about what i have to say in any way. i feel your love. i really do, and i hope you feel mine.” your fans yell that they love you back, dancers gently swaying you side to side, emotions on high. there’s one last song, and it’s over.

“this has been the sensation tour, and i’ve been your host. was i good?” you try to lighten the mood, earning a bunch of what sound like positive shrieks. the earpiece you have in makes it hard to tell. “y’all were even better.” exchanging looks with your dancers, you pull out of the hug so you can get to your mark for the finale. they follow your lead. music comes through the speakers.

“i’ll see you again soon, okay? i promise. here’s sensation,” you introduce the song, immediately bursting into more tears. it’s torture to say goodbye. thankfully, you have the most incredible fans on earth, so they sing along with you at the top of their lungs. that includes tom and harry, your ultimate stans.

when the show is over, you run right off stage and over to tom. he’s waiting on the side with actual heart eyes for you. you practically leap into his arms, a hand cradling the back of his head, both his arms draped low and tight around your body.

“you were so amazing up there! absolutely smashed it, darling,” tom breathes out. his face is smushed between your neck and mostly bare chest. “thanks, tom. seriously, thanks for being here tonight and every other.” you smile a tired smile and wind your other arm around his neck. he presses some light you’re welcome kisses to your skin. “mm, thanks for having me. how’s it feel to be done?”

you sigh, fingers running through his curls. “like the biggest relief, and also really sad.” you’re such a mess that you could cry again on the spot. tom senses it and lifts his head up to see if you’re alright. “super depressing,” you surprisingly reiterate without the waterworks. “i know the feeling. you’ll be back soon, though. you said it,” he murmurs, a grin on his lips as they brush against the corner of yours.

you’re about to kiss him properly, then one of your dancers comes up to you. you’d forgotten that there are still stage managers and security everywhere, too. you get completely lost in tom whenever you’re together.

“you killed, babe,” coco greets you, linking your arm in hers. tom takes the hint and lets go of you. he watches on with a smirk. “nah, you murdered,” you send the compliment back and bite your lower lip. “i dunno, i feel like someone murdered me!” there’s coco with her dramatics. she’s genuinely hilarious, your shared sense of humor playing a huge part in your friendship.

she brings your free hand to her heart. you gasp at how fast it’s going. “that shit is really beating, coco. are you, like, okay?” “probably not. it was the freestyle that got me.” coco went a lot harder than usual tonight, since it was her last big dance break for a while. she puffs air from her cheeks and nods to tom. “this your man?”

“yeah, you could say that. i’m tom,” he answers, holding out a hand for her. “coco.” she pulls it like you would in a handshake. you beam at them, one of your best friends and unofficial boyfriend finally meeting. “sounds promising. i approve,” coco mutters to you. bumping your hip into hers playfully, you take one of tom’s hands in both of yours.

“aw, we have your blessing or something? your permission?” you coo and get a push at your shoulder from coco in return. tom chuckles, his thumb running over the back of your hand. “no! i was gonna say you should bring him out back,” coco clarifies, like it was obvious. you’re not sure what she’s on about. “uh, what’s out back?” you question. “an axe?” tom teases.

coco gestures to the nearest exit. “we’re having a little goodbye party in the parking lot. fire pit, snacks. remember?” nope, you’d completely forgotten. the idea first sounded like the perfect way to end your night, so you agreed to go. that was before you were dripping sweat and mentally exhausted. now, all you want to do is unwind with tom and tom only.

the superstar life is one you’re happy to lead, just not at this exact moment.

“i do now.” you muster up your most apologetic smile for coco, tugging on tom’s hand. “i’m sorry, co. i think we’re gonna pass.” her jaw drops. you’re never one to skip these things. “aw, for real? it’s our last night!” tom threads his fingers through yours while you talk. “bro, we’ve been together for almost a whole year,” you laugh out, nuzzling your cheek into tom’s chest. “get sick of me.”

“never,” coco deadpans. she catches you gazing up at tom, relaxing as his arms hug your middle. she’s known you long enough to tell what’s a fling and what’s real love for you. this is something special, and she can’t get in the way of it. she’ll let you navigate this yourself. “ok, just for tonight. you’ll text me?” coco gives you a real smile, raising an eyebrow at tom. he gathers that’s a good thing. he’s in.

“mhm. maybe we can hang out tomorrow,” you agree and let your eyes flutter shut. all that’s keeping you up are tom’s strong arms. “tell everyone i love them.” “i think they know.” coco shakes her head lightheartedly. tom laughs at her. “be good,” she tells him and means it, rubbing your back on her way to the lot. that leaves you and tom alone at last.

custodians are cleaning up the arena, fans are piling out, and you’re clinging to tom while his steady heartbeat grounds you. this is the only after party you need.

“harry’s got the car when you’re ready,” tom mumbles, tucking a piece of damp hair behind your ear. you loop your arms around his torso with a hum. “i was kinda wondering where he went.” “yeah?” he gives you a small smile. “gotta ask what he thought... of the show.” yawns are creeping past your lips, tonight’s events catching up to you.

“i like feedback from the fans, or stans,” you elaborate in your sleepy state. tom uses his fingertips to tap your temple. “what about me? i’m your biggest.” “i’ll, um, follow up with you later.” your words are slurring. “right now, home.” warmth spreads throughout tom’s entire body, his house becoming yours for a bit. “your chariot awaits,” he affirms before helping you to your dressing room.

after collecting your things, you follow tom out to the car. harry is in the driver’s seat, and you two slip into the back. he exchanges a look with his brother through the mirror while you settle on his shoulder. you’re hugging his bicep, his lips pressing to the side of your head.

“thank you for driving,” you speak softly to harry. he starts to pull out of the spot with a nod. “no problem. get to say i was y/n y/l/n’s chauffeur.” tom clicks his tongue even though harry is joking. you snicker at his remark, joking back. “you want the job? better be a five star ride, then.” your banter brings yet another smile to tom’s face. his family is everything to him, so seeing you get along so well means the most.

“right, right. did you have a good time?” harry wonders, twisting to see behind him while he turns around. he also peeks at you snuggled up to tom before facing forward. “great, actually. did you?” you check, the grin clear in your voice. harry goes into full stan mode. “no shit! you were brilliant, y/n. god, every note was just like how you did it the studio.” he’s raving, which is much appreciated by you.

“good answer.” tom shoots his brother a wink. “‘s that what you wanted to hear?” he asks in reference to your conversation earlier. your response is a kiss to his shoulder. “yay. i’m happy you liked it, harry.” he buzzes with excitement, having his favorite artist care what he thinks.

not much is said for the rest of the drive. tom and harry make some hushed conversation about golfing this weekend while you struggle to stay awake. they’re obsessed with that damn sport. it’s honestly nice to see, that tom has something he likes to do when he isn’t shooting hollywood’s biggest movies. your free time will finally give you the chance to discover other hobbies.

you stumble out of the car upon arriving to the boys’ place, a backpack on your shoulders and tom’s hand held tight in yours. you’ve got only a few essentials with you for tonight. the rest is on the tour bus, so you’ll gather it after your hangout with coco. besides, everything you need at the moment is right here.

“home sweet home,” tom announces as harry unlocks the front door. his words bring a tired smile to your face. “finally,” you exhale, keeping your fingers laced with tom’s and following the two of them inside. “i could show you around a bit, give you the grand tour. or-“ tom stops talking, feeling your weight on him. harry huffs at how oblivious his brother is.

“mate, she’s falling over. save it,” he suggests and kicks the door shut lazily. you’re done in. you’ve been having to lean on tom since the show ended. “another time, then,” tom mumbles, securing his arm around your waist. “there is one thing i wanna see.” your voice is low, body curled into tom’s side. he raises an eyebrow. “and that is?” “your room.”

tom takes that in a suggestive way, like he does most things. “we’re getting right to it, are we?” he questions, harry gagging and you nudging his arm with your head. “not like that, dummy. ‘cuz i’m sleepy.” there’s a beat of silence. “ask me again in-“ “wow, look at the time!” harry interrupts so he doesn’t have to hear the details. he’s sure he’ll witness enough after it happens. “off to bed i go! goodnight.”

he rushes to get to his room, yelling out, “great show, y/n!” on the way. “thank you! night!” you call back, tom letting out a sigh. “div of the century,” he says under his breath. “must run in the family,” you playfully retort. that gets you a firm poke at your side. “where’s everyone else?” you glance up at him. there should be two other idiots and a lovely, furry lady running around.

“tuwaine’s gone to the pub, harrison’s filming late, and tess is at mum and dad’s,” tom fills you in, grabbing your arm and draping it around his middle. doing him one better, you hug him with both. you squint in confusion about the last part. “they watch her when i’m out,” tom answers your unspoken question. “ah,” you nod, then deflate ever so slightly. “i wanted to meet her, though. the other boys, too.”

tom smooths the pad of his thumb over your cheek. “you will, darling. it’s only for tonight.” he kisses the same spot reassuringly. “we’ve got loads of time.” “yeah, we do,” you agree, instantly cheering up and letting your head fall onto his chest. “now, where’s your room?” “just upstairs. you need some help getting in?” he’s only playing around, but you accept, tightening your arms around his neck.

“show me the way,” you beam at him. “happy to.” tom wiggles his eyebrows, you jumping up. your legs wrap around his waist, his arms holding you against him. with a satisfied hum, you squish your face into his insanely soft shirt. “what a diva,” tom sarcastically complains while taking you to the staircase. “doesn’t even say please. no manners from this one.”

“you try dancing in six inch heels for two hours,” you shoot back, patting the side of his neck. he moves one hand down to your thigh for a better grip. you’re nearing the top of the stairs. “think i’ll leave that to you,” he decides and squeezes your thigh. “look at me, carrying the whole music industry.” your face easily gets hot and your words turn to murmurs. “shut up. you should listen to other songs.”

you’re on the second floor now, tom going for the first door. he frowns at his rejected compliment. “no, i like yours. they’re my favorite.” “really?” your muffled laugh sounds from his chest. “what was the first thing i ever said to you?” he asks, a toothy grin on him even though you can’t see it. you recall the faithful night he slid into your dms while he carries you into his room.

he’d tripped over his words somehow, the fangirling fool. before that, he tweeted to the whole world that he wanted to see you in concert. it was a huge thing, and people were freaking out about it, even more so when your online interactions became routine. that’s nothing compared to where you are now.

you’re currently living with him and basically dating. possibly, in love. the base of it all really is your music.

“that you love me.” you pause for the ellipses. the corners of your lips turn up. “but, you really meant to say my work.” “both apply.” tom passes that off like it’s a side comment, carefully laying you down on his bed. you look up at him with a curious glint in your eyes. “what does that mean?” his cheeks flush, and he bites back the smile that’s growing. this was supposed to go... differently.

you sit up, breathing out a laugh at tom’s boyish behavior. he’s precious, truly. “you do love me?” those three words will change everything if he says yes. he takes both your hands in his and holds them between you two. you meet his doe eyes. “yeah, y/n/n. i do.” so, you were right. “i love you... and, that wasn’t how i planned on saying it.” signaling for him to elaborate, you tilt your head to the side.

tom sits down next to and faces you before continuing. “it was supposed to be romantic, right?” he rolls his eyes up to the ceiling, annoyed he ruined this. “candlelit dinner, flowers, that sort of thing. seems more fitting for the occasion.” you shift closer to him until your knees are touching. your face is lit up, voice dropped to almost a whisper.

“since when do we do things the way we’re supposed to?” you point out and set your hands on his shoulders. “we’ve gone straight from online dating to me moving in. that’s usually not how it works.” tom chuckles lowly. his own hands find their place on your hips. you’re so good with words. then again, you are a singer. “guess you could say we’re, um, spontaneous,” he agrees, fingers drawing circles on you.

you and tom have explored some of each other’s most intimate places, yet you’ve never shared a moment quite like this. it’s like meeting him for the first time again. he’s too tongue tied to spit out what he wants. you somehow know, anyway. what you cherish most about your relationship is that you two completely and totally understand one another, on every level.

“tom?” you speak quietly, butterflies filling up your body. “hm?” he hums back. this is one of those moments where it all just clicks. “i love you. i really, really love you.” you giggle out of the pure happiness that consumes you, tom joining in your laughter. “i love you, too.” he sounds like he’s said it a million times and he’ll say it a million more. he leans over so his forehead rests on yours. “really, really love you.”

your warm breath hits his face, eyes darting from his own to his lips. “i want you to be more than...” you trail off, unsure of how to phrase it. “more than... more than a friend?” tom pokes fun at what you said during the show. there’s less and less space between you with every second. “you mean, like, a boyfriend?”

“exactly. be my boyfriend,” you all but demand. you’re half asleep and desperate to be able to call him yours already. “bossy, bossy, bossy,” tom chastises, swiping his thumb across your bottom lip. how he goes from being shy and giddy to the cockiest person alive in minutes, you’ll never know. “please?” you throw in to sway him. your hand locks with his, slowly moving it off your face.

you run your tongue over your teeth. “at least kiss me.” “you don’t have to ask,” tom breathes, lips now ghosting over yours. “i was going to.” true to his words, he closes the microscopic gap between you, you pushing forward against him as you kiss back. your first kiss in love. his lips taste like the chapstick he always uses, and he moves them softly.

he places a hand on your knee, you opening your mouth so he can have access to it. instead, a yawn exits. tom pulls back with a breathy laugh. “you must be exhausted, yeah? let’s get you to bed.” he pecks your lips once more. “my girl needs her beauty rest.” that confirms your relationship. you scrunch your nose and grin wide. “and, she’s gonna get some with her boy.”

you’re reminded of how sweaty you are when you catch a whiff. “oof, wait. do you think i can take a shower first?” you grimace, fanning at the air for emphasis. tom uses the tip of his nose to nudge yours. “absolutely. need help in there, too?” he’s not asking in that way, only so nothing happens. the hospital wouldn’t be the most pleasant place to spend your break. plus, he doesn’t want to be without you too long.

“you know what? yeah.”

that’s how you end up intertwined under the hot water, letting it cascade down your back as tom hugs you close to him. you sigh in content and tangle your fingers in his fluffed over curls. you’ve learned that he’s super into having his hair played with. it’s endearing, how he instinctively leans into your touch, eyes closing as you tug on the roots.

he drops his head down to kiss your shoulder, dragging his lips to your collarbone in a way that tickles. they land on one of your breasts next. there isn’t anything sexual about it, only loving. just in case he gets too excited because it’s not uncommon he does, you gently put a finger to his lips. tom takes the hint and lets up. you continue combing through his wet hair while you step out of the water.

“do you ever sing in the shower?” he questions, drawing your naked body in closer to his. “sometimes, yeah. i honestly feel like i sound better there,” you admit and slide your hand down to the nape of his neck. tom’s tongue darts out to lick his lips. “not true. you sound beautiful everywhere, and don’t fight me on this one.” he smirks in satisfaction, you groaning at your loss.

“i really enjoy hearing your voice when it blares through an arena, though,” tom keeps buttering you up. you shake your head and settle both arms around his neck. “man, i just love you so much.” “i love you, sweetheart,” he murmurs back, you switching places so he can give his hair a final rinse. you watch him and his glowing body, admiring the sight.

“what a sensation you are,” you say mostly to yourself, which doesn’t stop him from hearing. “i see what you did there.” he eyes you while you do the same to him. your arms still around his neck pull him back to you. “tommy? do you sing in the shower?” you meant to ask him before, then he started throwing all those compliments at you.

tom scoffs, walking you back so you’re against the wall. “i don’t sing anywhere.” “what?” you gasp and put a hand on his chest. “you’re lying, you have to be. wasn’t billy elliot a musical?” he narrows his eyes at you as he tries to gage where you’re going with this. “that i did a decade ago, and way before puberty. couldn’t sing a word without cracking after that.”

your mouth is left hanging open in shock and disappointment. you bet he has a nice voice, and he’s downplaying it. “y/n,” tom begins, cupping your jaw with his palm. “since we’re living together now, there’s a lot you’re going the learn about me. good things, weird things.” he shrugs casually. “this is one of the weird things.”

“only because you make it weird! come on, let me hear you,” you request and wrap a leg around his waist. you’re giving him a hopeful smile. “god, no. you’ll hate it,” he almost laughs, a hand on your thigh. “i’m literally a singer. how could i hate something i love?” you refute, batting your lashes at him. “especially when someone i love is doing it.” “i love you, too. but, i’m not.” he’s quick to shut you down.

“drop a bar!” you try to coax him, which he already has a comeback for. “you first.” “i can’t. my throat is all scratchy from earlier,” you lie. tom presses his lips into a line, feigning pity. “aw, you know what’ll make you feel better? tea. i’ll go get you some.” he turns to shut the water off, so you grab his shoulders. “no, the steam is working. you can stay.”

“love,” tom addresses you in a warning tone that you can’t take seriously. he can’t either, a giggle escaping him. “my voice is shit. ask anyone, and they’ll tell you.” “i won’t believe them,” you hum, pushing back curls sticking to his forehead. “sounds like you just have stage fright. we can work on that, though.” “how?” he tightens his arm around your middle.

“i’ll bring you on for my next show. we’ll do a little duet.” you’re joking, though that would definitely be interesting to see unfold. “uh, never. what happened to you being tired?” tom cleverly deflects and digs his fingers into your side. you look down in defeat. “i forgot about that.” “yeah, yeah. no, seriously. we should really get to sleep, y/n/n.” he’s back to his sweet, attentive self. “‘s been a long night.”

giving in with a nod, you capture his lips in yet another kiss. tom never gets tired of them, and neither do you. you break it after a few seconds, lips lingering on his as they detach. “carry me?” you ask again, not caring how whiny you sound. tom presses a quick kiss to your forehead. “oh, you’re adorable. of course.”

well, you’ve found something to keep you occupied until the next leg of tour. you’re going to discover the many layers your intriguingly unusual boyfriend has.

[razorblade180]

More Actor AU

The previous one <-

Ruby:Justice will be swift! Justice will be painful- *pie to the face* Ahhhh! Nora!

Nora:HAHAHAHAHA! I couldn’t resist!

xxxx

Yang:Do you think she thinks less of me?

Jaune:You and Ruby are sisters. You may fight but that doesn’t mean she doesn’t care.

Yang:Yeah, Ruby...

Jaune:.....Wait are you talking about Blake?

Yang:*caught of guard* Uhhhhh

Jaune:Because why would she think less of you for choosing to act like a first responder?

.......

Ren:*outside* He has a point!

Director:Stick to the script!

xxxx

Raven:Does she have it?

Qrow:You’re going to have be a little bit more specific.

Raven:*slams hand and leans* Does. Salem. Have. The Tape?

Qrow:Tape?

Raven:Yeah the sex tape, it was in the vault.

Qrow:Whaaat? Who’s on it?

Raven:*smirks* Who isn’t on it?

Qrow:Oh shit....*downs whiskey* Tai is gonna kill me!

xxxxx

Apathy:*roaming*

Ruby:Quick, the door!

Weiss:*shakes it* They’re locked!

Yang:Let me-*trips up stairs* agh! My face!

Weiss:Yang! *snickering* Oh gods, are...are you okay?

Yang:Uuuuugggghh. Imma just lie here. Guess we die. *raise head*

Weiss:Uh oh, bloody nose. Time out.

Apathy:*shuffling backwards*

Blake:*on the ground* Imagine, asking grimm just to leave?

xxxxx

Nora:Psst camera man. Pan to Penny.

Penny:*getting make up done* Yo!

Nora:Ready to die a second time!?

Penny:Hell yeah! Gonna make the people cry twice! *puts in red contacts*

xxxxx

Cinder:*chokes Raven* I’m taking what’s mine.

Raven:Last time I checked your name isn’t Tai. So get your hands off my throat. *looks off set*

Tai:*face palming*

Yang:*red* Mom!!

Raven:Someone was thinking it.

xxxxx

Fiona:*reading lines*

Robyn:She’s very focused right now. I think she’s nervous. *grabs megaphone* Cameras go live in five minutes.

Fiona:*tearing up*

Robyn:No wait! I was lying! Please dry those tears!

Fiona:Stop stressing me out! I’m new here.

Robyn:*hugging her* Ssssshhh I’ll rehearse with you.

xxxxx

[Volume 3]

Blake:*getting first aid*

Adam:*staring at camera* Funny thing about Blake Belladonna, she hates reshoots.

Blake:Do not...

Adam:She hates them so much in fact that she’ll do whatever it takes make the first take an absolute masterpiece. Blake Belladonna however also does about half of her stunts. Good stunts too. All those flips and hand to hand, that’s just her being cool. *puts hands together* I’ve worked with her since day one. I’m in most of those actions scenes. So let me tell how insane this girl is.

Blake:Oh geez...

Adam:Ten minute ago, we’re just shooting the scene where her character and my character are fighting. The plan was I “backhand” her and she falls on the ground. Now we’re not perfect. We’ve accidentally grazed each other before. But when I tell you Blake literally just sat there and watched as my hand swung at her....

Blake:Man, I don’t know what happened! *snorting* I knew it was coming, but then the next minute I had no time to go with it.

Adam:Now normally, a sane person would yell cut, but not Blake. I’m looking at her shocked as she’s staring back mouthing “roll with it.” And against judgment, I did.

Blake:It doesn’t get more authentic than that! Plus it only stung.

Yang:Until we finished the scene! We look at you and this red mark is appearing and you’re like “yeah, Adam knocked the hell out of me.”

Adam:And now I feel bad!

Blake:Nah man, perfect scene. Way to improvise.

Yang:Blake Belladonna everyone.

xxxx

Fennec: *dies*

Corsac: Corsac no!!!

Ilia:Wait, your Corsac.

Corsac:Shit, really? Damn, read the long lines all volume.

Ilia:W..wait...*smiling* d..did switch roles? Has no caught that?

Blake:N...no? *looks around* We didn’t right?

Sun:*containg laughter* Please...please tell me we haven’t mixed the roles all season? You audition for...?

Corsec:Fennec. I’m playing Fennec right? *snickering*

Blake:I...uh..how’d we-

Corsec:I’m just fucking with you.

Blake:Oh my god! Dude, I thought we messed up so much shit! My heart!

Crew:*laughing*

Blake:Y’all are jerks. I type the credits don’t scare me like that!

xxxxx

Ghira:*tears cloak off*

Tyrian and Salem: Dayuuuuuum! Look at that man!

Ghira:Pfft, god damn it. You ruined my roar! Hahaha.

xxxxx

Director:Alright Jaune. So in this scene you punch the wall because you just learned about Salem being immortal. Remember to hit hard enough get a good bang for the mic, but we don’t want you breaking your hand or anything.

Jaune:Got it!

Director:And action!

Jaune:*cracks wall*

Everyone:......

Jaune:......

Nora:Welp, he didn’t say anything about breaking the wall.

xxxxxx

Cinder:*holding sister* Diva in the building yall. Introducing mini me.

Ember:I get paid!

Cinder:Yeah you do!

Everyone:(The resemblance is uncanny.)

xxxxxx

Interviewer: Has it feel to work with distinguished talents like Tyrian.

Mercury:There isn’t a moment that man lets me rest. I could have one scene and that guy is offset staring at me and shimming or wearing a prop just throw me off-he’s doing it now! *smiles*

Tyrian:*in Salem’s costume* I don’t know what you mean Mercury? Are you...*props leg up* distracted?

Mercury:Serious doesn’t exist with that man on set.

xxxxx

Interview:Adam, how’s it feel to be the most hated character.

Adam:It’s hilarious. I go the store to get a coffee and the cashier is doing a double take as they stare at me wearing a shirt with Pumpkin Pete on it. Before they process who I am exactly I’m just like, “please tell me you have pumpkin spice?” And their perception is ruined immediately.

Interviewer:Ever get hate at events.

Adam:Oh it’s a game now! Not by my choice. This was Yang’s idea.

Yang:*pokes in* Y’all talking about the game where I make people upset? *sits in his lap* excuse me.

Adam:Against my will...*snickers* anytime I go to a convention with Yang, she enters the room from the opposite door and let the people gather to her while haters gather to me.

Yang:By the time I reach him I see about a dozen people glaring at him while my fans are following me until I get where I need to go. Right before I do, I walk up to Adam as if I didn’t know he’d be there, then jump into his arms happily. Everyone shuts up. They don’t know how to cope.

Adam:That’s with almost any hero in this show. I’m minding my own business and then they cling to me for shock value. Yang and Blake are the worst though.

Yang:I’ve sat in his lap like I am now at a Q&A before because people booed when he showed up. The beef isn’t real people! My arm is fine!

xxxxx

Jaune:*staring at Pyrrha’s statue*.....

*foot steps approach*

Jaune:*looks left* !?

Pyrrha:*holding flowers* A tragedy, this person’s death. You knew them?

Jaune:I...y...no. Just heard of her.

Pyrrha:Really? Cool. Reall strong person. Her people were heartbroken when she chose Beacon. But it was the place she dreamed of. Ashamed she died. Gone, never to be seen.

Jaune:She may be gone, but I know she had no regrets. Pyrrha was a huntress through and through, and I believe she fought like one until the end.

Pyrrha:*nods* Yeah, I think so too. *containg joy*

.........

Pyrrha:This isn’t the real scene by the way.

Jaune:I was about to say! Like, what the hell is happening!? I read the script and missed this part!

Pyrrha:Hahahaha! Good improvising. *claps* way to roll with the nonsense. I can’t believe you said no though! That’s how you get haunted.

Jaune:*laughing* I thought I was! Ghost Pyrrha walking with flowers saying “oh you know her?” I thought I did until you showed up!

Ren:We just shoot random scenes of you talking to Pyrrha and never address it. Jaune is just crazy now.

Pyrrha:I’m down for that!

Director:No! Well....no! Stop trying to get more lines!

Pyrrha:Awww.

xxxxxx

Ozpin:You know originally I brought my kid here so we can bond and he was like “awesome!”

Cameraman pans over to Oscar and Penny sitting on a bench eating together, laughing.

Ozpin:*smirking* I was played, but I respect it.

xxxxxx

[Volume 6]

Jaune:*walks up to Ruby* Promise that you’ll meet us there.

Ruby:I promise. *smiles*

..... *both lean in*

Ruby:......*kisses him*

Everyone:!?!?

Nora:Woah! Cut!

Ruby:Huh? What’s up?

Nora:There’s no kiss!

Ruby:Really? Feels like a kiss should be here. Huh, my bad. Thought it was written in.

xxxxxx

Ruby:*posed up in chair* They had to cut out me kissing Jaune. That’s fine, still kissed him.

xxxxxx

Nora:All I’m saying is maybe I should get a kiss with him.

Director:Nora, just ask him out on your own time.

Nora:Pffft what? Me, into Jaune? No..... I just think it would make good narrative sense.

Director:How!?

Nora:......*walks away* It just would!

[jmblyajones]

Eagles: New Year Eve 3x10

All the theories and conjecture come down to this episode. I don’t think I’m ready but I’m hitting play anyways 😂

(prepare yourself, this is long as hell)

1. Felicia checking into mental health/rehab facility, BLESS!! And the girls dropping her off made me smile. I really hope she gets the help she needs and the help she’s searching for. This all can’t be easy and it’s one day at a time. Wait that just leaves Amie and Klara… things seem to be good right now but I’m proceeding with caution 😂. I like that all three of them are checking in with each other on what’s going on with in their personal lives.

2. Oh lord Andreas pls… He said their sound sounded like piss.. no bby, you sounded like piss. I’m sorry y’all, I can’t fake like screamo.

They puttin shit in mailboxes now???… Oh hell no.

They need to set up security cameras or other security measures like a trip wire? Lock the mailbox? Idk. But Jack’s lyin ass needs to be dealt with…preferably with high powered attorneys and not a gun lol.

3. Is it bad i’m out of breath watching Elias work on the ice? I really just caught myself unconsciously huffing and puffing wtf 💀 I see what Mats is trying to do. He’s trying to let Elias know that’s all the things Mats thinks Elias is stressing about are okay, Felicia, the hockey board ect. but things are way deeper.

WAIT SHUT THE FUCK UP……FIVE MINUTES IN!! FIVE…. WHAT THE FUCK…

I was really over here thinking, nah he’s not gonna ask his dad advice about this… WTF. I am SCREAMING. I still have it paused at him saying he thinks he is in love!!! I can’t press play because i’ll literally just fall apart rn. I’m trying to hold it together yall but… FIVE MINUTES 😭😭 Is Elias gonna tell Mats that it’s Amie?? Lawd I can’t wait to see Mats face when he finds out 😂😂. But when he does, I need him on his knees praying to high heaven that Elias and Amie don’t follow in his and Petra’s footsteps leaving her ass at the airport.. Yall think I’m playing?..

Why does Elias think it’s too late to express his feelings? Look at Mats being a father, awww. I really love this scene. This is what I wanted from this man and he’s giving 😭.

Y’all are no good trifling over there for cutting this scene like that! lmaoo

4. Klara’s momma, you gotta lot of shit in your mailbox you need clean up. Heavy duty that maam. Sassy Klara is needed but directed at the right people imo. I will say this scene is giving me very Brooke and her mom vibes and reminded me of me and @warrenslayla ‘s OTH analysis a couple weeks back!! Ur changing me a bit 😂

5. Petra saying she was a rebel in her past life? Yeah right 😂 Nah, jk. Sometimes the strict parents were the most rebellious lol.

Okay so Eagles are the ones having a party!! Guys, we are getting our groove ooooon! What did I tell y’all! We are twerking EVERYTHING!! Shoot if y’all don’t I definitely will. I love Petra pushing Amie to perform, she has always been supportive of her music. I just hope maybe she gets a chance to see her on stage sometime. Now it’s time to get my girl dressed up to the 9’s pls. 👏🏾👏🏾

I see Elias over there trying to flirt text my girl….. Yall…. quit playing with me 😂 We see what y’all are trying to do over there in the writers room. Y’all think y’all are so slick trying to make sure Petra and Mats don’t know about Elias and Amie. I see y’all.

6. I’m really glad to see Mats and Leila spending New Years with Felicia so she isn’t alone. I can’t believe Leila copped to her boy toy and Mats didn’t trip! I call this growth

7. Omg…. is it bad I forgot that Ludde doesn’t know about Felicia… I feel bad because I completely forgot 🥴 Elias… you should know by now as a man “newly” in love that the heart wants what it wants. That doesn’t stop the yearning or Ludde’s possible future attempts to see Felicia. Loving this brotherly bond though! Those two have definitely come a long way from headbutts.

8. I am predicting for the Eagles next season, an equivalence of a state championship (in America) for hockey in Sweden.

Oh, my girl looks sooooooooo GOOOD. We now have to address her as Pop Queen Amie from now on. I don’t make the rules 🤷🏾‍♀️

9. I’m glad Klara did the right thing in the end and sponsored the Eagles

10. WHO DID AMIE’S LOOK?? I hope they kept this person for her looks next season bc… this look slaps so hard rn. Name a better look? You can’t!! Everything is on point!! Hair on point. Make up, nails, outfit, EVERYTHING!

11. I know we aren’t suppose to laugh at the shitty mailbox but… i’m sorry

This letter ain’t getting opened… as soon as he put it in his pocket I knew. We will never know lmaoo

12. Everybody is speaking English up in here.. they catch me so off guard because I never know what to expect but Ludde sounds like he was the one who spent half his life in America lol.

Felicia and Amie teaming up to get Ludde into that London school, wow! I love an unexpected power play!!! Oh shit….. Andreas and his damn gun…

13. DID AMIE JUST SAY “I WANT TO TOUCH YOU” AND STARE AT ELIAS??? ARE YOU KIDDING ME? YALL ARE SOME FREAKS OVER THERE!!! OH MY GOSH.

THIS WHOLE EXCHANGE WITH THEM EYEING EACH OTHER AND HIM BLUSHING…. SEND MY HAPPY ASS TO THE MOON!!!

I am literally watching these two eye hump each other from across the room. I feel like I shouldn’t even be watching this

I really want to know how the actors thought the fans would react to watching this… 😂

14. Klara… sis… we got 4 minutes left, I don’t think a conversation is really how anyone wants to spend this remaining time left no offense.

15. Dammit Andreas, Ludde should have called him to let him know about London as soon as they hung up with him. Get this jack-ass off the screen!! The way he even came out that house party… Ugh his whole persona is just garbage. This fake suave “i’m better than you” bs is tired. Pick a new gimmick boo!

16. THIS IS NOT WHAT WE NEED RIGHT NOW WITH LESS THAN 3 MINUTES. We don’t need Amie catching Elias and Klara hugging and assuming it’s an intimate thing, NOO! Jesus 🤦🏾‍♀️

17. HOLD THE PHONE…… ELIAS SAID LOVE AND AMIE IN THE SAME SENTENCE…. I heard that right?

Y’all heard that right? right? He said he loves Amie? ELIAS SAID HE LOVES AMIE!!!!! I have to pause because if there is a kiss, i’m afraid to receive it. I am already falling apart right here 😭

THE 360 FIREWORK SPIN RAIN KISS!!!!! WE FUCKING WOOOOOOOOOON!!!!!

18. This is such a weird feeling… two years yall… two damn years and we finally got our bbys. I’ve replayed this scene so many times and just realized the amount of takes they had to kiss to get this *chef’s kiss* of a scene hehehe.

Yup, winner winner chicken dinner all the way to the bank, cha ching!

Aww. My girl was on her tippy toes at first too hehe.

19. (1) It should not take Ludde that long to call his brother (2) Jack if Andreas was some violent thug as you portrayed him to be, I wouldn’t be kekeing and laughing at him like my life wasn’t in danger you miserable pos… I’m done.

You know, I really think the person who got shot is all who we want it to be lmao. That way Jack would still linger in their life’s after death, so cruel 💀. How naive of me to think Andreas would just point the gun, force Jack to retract his statements while he soiled himself out of fear?Andreas could be the one to get shot and they have him on life support? Chile this could go either way. We ain’t sleuthing out nothing with this random hand. Hell that hand might as well be one of the crew members 💀

[beyondd-dazedd]

bren’s thoughts from this past episode because i’ve seen it so many times now and i’ve got a lot of thoughts so here’s season 2 episode 7 of hsmtmts (a rant):

portwell morning announcements?? ICONIC whether you’re vibing with a romantic or platonic endgame the fondness and their chemistry is amazing. (sofia wylie and matt cornett better be sending their hospital bill to disney because they are literally carrying season 2 on their backs and i said what i said.)

the rini drama?? feels bad. like the way they built up the end of season 1 with them to have it come crashing down feels like drama just for the sake of drama and honestly it’s a little boring to me which is unfortunate because i really did like them season 1.

ricky my sweet baby ricky. you need therapy. but also he was right about the rose song and i stand by that. it doesn’t fit the show and i think he has a right to try to explain his feelings without nini shutting him down. i am all for nini focusing on her own music and thriving through that but don’t shut him down sis that ain’t it

the costume reveal scene was so funny from the DEH thing to carlos popping off on kourt to seb mediating to EJ and kourt’s convo about the costume i thought it was all really funny. also carlos totally had the right to snap at kourt because wtf kourt. HOWEVER i loved seeing her all giggly and excited. it’s a side of her character we haven’t really seen yet and i think dara completely embodied that high school first real relationship giddiness. also loved miss jenn saying don’t dance with the enemy and all of them IMMEDIATELY ignoring her and going to north high followed by her also ignoring her own advice and going as well.

all of them joining together to sneaky steal the mask back?? iconic. peak friendship vibes. carlos being the leader of the group in a sense this season is something i’m LIVING for. also Gina 1.0 to 2.0 is a spiritual journey and i’m so proud of her. Ash dressing up for the mission?? that’s so her (she’s undercover let her live wildcats). the disappointment in carlos’s face when they all finished the wildcat cheer?? that got me. frankie does so well with carlos’s facial acting and i love it.

also gina baby you got all these boys vying for your attention why are you wasting your time on ricky?? ricky baby i love you but you’re being an asshat about that whole thing. the way ricky hasn’t really taken into consideration gina’s feelings is not it. he really is just kind of trapped in his own world and refuses to see anything from someone else’s perspective. i saw someone talk about how ricky is the beast in this season. like yes he’s playing the beast but he’s also metaphorically taken on that role. he’s lashing out at people who don’t deserve it, he feels misunderstood, he’s struggling, etc.

ANYWAYS that’s my thoughts of rina right now so back to the episode. EJ coming in to help get gina out of the situation with the guy was fake dating excellence truly. there’s no way he heard what was being said since you can’t see him in the background at all so either he’s picked up on gina’s reactions so well that he could tell she was uncomfortable or he had a lil jealous moment. either way i’m here for it. and again whether you like them platonically together or romantically together that portwell scene was adorable as hell. the teasing ?? the fondness?? both sofia and matt’s acting is incredible. also a GREAT parallel to the homecoming episode to show just how far their relationship has come.

the rini drama plus kourt being giddy again. portwell standing next to each other?? antoine’s use of the word fugly really shows how unhinged this show is. lily proposing a dance off and everyone being like ??? no that’s fucking weird was hilarious. gina standing up for her sister ashlynn like that was gold.

man you may hate her (i do too) but lily is damn good at stirring the pot. i almost admire her complete understanding of the drama going on in everyone’s lives. she knows exactly what she’s doing when she says particular things.

the scene with antoine and ashlynn was so hilarious. joshua bassett seriously does not get a break from this damn show comparing him to people that are way more famous than him lol. also red hitting himself in the face was adorable and no i won’t take criticisms on that. also antoine is BOLD bold.

EJ cheering while everyone is upset that it was the mob song?? big golden retriever energy. i love him.

i don’t know if this is an unpopular opinion but i actually really liked this version of the mob song. they really leaned into the whole stupidity of the dance off idea and i think it actually works out well. plus there’s a ton of talented people on that track which makes it so much better. (also thought east high should have won on vocals alone. no their dancing wasn’t better but they had that really nice blend on their vocals and they all seemed a lot less frantic than north did.) also if they had let sofia just be sofia and dance. east high wouldve won on that alone.

i liked the song with miss jenn and zack. the choreo was beautiful but god i hate zacky roy. and that’s all i’ll say on that. (miss jenn i know that’s derek hough but you got two other very nice gentlemen who want you. don’t go for the low hanging fruit sis)

what was the point of lily telling them they would be disqualified if they used the rose song?? the only thing i can think of is she wants it to be a fair fight. which is noble i guess?? i don’t have time to psychoanalyze lily and no one wants that.

EJ’s face when they all turned to him for the sports metaphor had me sCREAMING and all of them being disappointed and talking over one another was very funny.

nini joining up with the group at the last minute seems to be her thing lately huh? i’ve said it once and i’ll say it again ricky was right about the song.

the couples walking out together. ft. nini and ricky fighting (again). PORTWELL EXCELLENCE (and huge dorks. i love them). red and ashlynn getting a bit rocky which at first i was like why is red jealous but then i remembered its high school. seb, carlos and kourt is an iconic trio. seb and carlos running off to avoid the drama is the gay agenda but also being in on the drama is the gay agenda. you feel??

HOWIE?!! why am i gasping i knew that? the fact that some of y’all really thought they would cast roman banks on this show and let howie go free without any drama?? nah man he had to be the beast for north fOR THE DRAMA. my baby kourt looked so hurt im so sorry beautiful. howie looking so guilty and upset?? heart breaking.

all in all i really loved this episode. i thought it was well done and set up a lot of plot lines. i don’t love how much some of the stuff feels like drama for the sake of drama but we’ll see. i’m sorta over rini this season as of this point. rina is in shambles because wtf ricky. portwell is alive and thriving as they should. seblos is beautiful and wonderful as always (i think the sassy verging on mean and the literal ball of sunshine is always a great pairing) redlynn is a little rocky but they’re both so empathetic and sweet that i think it’ll work out alright. kourt and howie (kowie?? hourtney??) is not doing too hot but i LOVE them together so they better gets their shit together.

[heyitssmiller]

Chop It Like It’s Hot

A Worst Cooks in America O’Knutzy AU

The Sweater Weather Discord group helped me come up with this idea like two months ago, and I haven’t stopped thinking about it since. All credit goes to @lumosinlove for her amazing characters!

Chop It Like It’s Hot Masterlist

Chapter 1: Don’t Go Bacon My Heart

The Day Before the Competition

Interviewer (off camera): Finn O’Hara and Logan Tremblay for their introductions.

Logan: * taps on microphone* Is this mic working?

Finn: How do you still not know how to work a mic? You deal with them all time.

Logan: I signed up to compete in a cooking show, not to deal with your chirps.

Finn: You love ‘em. *winks*

Interviewer: So basically all we want from you guys is a brief introduction for the viewers. I’ll ask some questions, but most of this should be you guys just talking. We can edit things out later, so don’t worry about anything like that. Why don’t you guys start with your names and careers and we’ll go from there.

Finn: Yo, I’m Finn O’Hara, and I’m a terrible cook. *finger guns* Although I guess that’s a given, seeing that I’m on this show.

Logan: *mumbles in French, head in hands*

Finn: This asshole – shit, no – fuck! Sorry, I probably shouldn’t be cussing. This is a family-friendly show.

Logan: Dear God, please stop talking. I’m Logan Tremblay, the unfortunate boyfriend.

*Finn pouts*

Interviewer: And you guys play hockey?

Logan: Yeah, we play in the NHL. Gryffindor Lions.

Finn: That’s how we met, actually. Through hockey. We played together at Harvard, then got drafted to the Lions about a year apart. We’ve known each other for eight years and have been together for three of them. Can’t seem to get rid of this one.

Interviewer: And you’re not worried about being rivals on this show?

Finn: Rivals is a strong word… I mean yes we’ll be competing against each other instead of being teammates, but we know going in that it’s not personal. Just a little healthy competition.

Interviewer: So what made the two of you sign up for this show?

Logan: We didn’t. Our teammate Dumo and his wife Celeste did. They thought it would be funny. *pause* They’re probably right.

Interviewer: Out of the two of you, who is the worst cook?

*Finn and Logan point to each other*

Logan: You can’t be serious.

Finn: You once cooked pasta so much that it turned into literal paste!

Logan: You tried to cook pizza rolls in a toaster.

Finn: That’s what it said in the instructions!

Logan: It said toaster oven, you - *more French*

Finn: English, Tremz. How many times do I have to tell you that? I guess we’ll find out once and for all who the better cook is by the end of the next eight weeks, right? *mouths “it’s me” to the camera*

Logan: Whatever, Fish.

Interviewer: I think we’ve got all we need guys, thanks. Start time for tomorrow is 10:00 am, but plan on being here forty-five minutes to an hour early to get ready. We’ll see you then.

Competition Day

“Are you nervous? I’m nervous.” Finn stated, running a hand through his hair and looking around at the studio they’d be in and out of for the foreseeable future. There were cooking stations everywhere and he could already see tools and machines that he had no clue how to use. There were twelve other contestants that he didn’t know and the crew scattered everywhere, running back and forth trying to get everything ready. “God, how am I sweaty already? Is this normal?”

Logan rolled his eyes but still reached over to grab Finn’s hand, squeezing it lightly. “Relax. It’s not so bad.” Finn smiled down at him, glad that they were at least here together. How in the hell did he get so lucky?

“Besides, you’ll be sent home soon enough. So don’t stress too much.”

Finn laughed. “Wow, I hate you so much right now.” He betrayed his words with a quick kiss. “You’re going down.”

Those green eyes flashed at the challenge, but right as he opened his mouth to respond-

“Good morning, recruits!”

All heads turned towards the voice. Three figures stood towards the front of the room: one they both recognized as the producer, who was flanked by who Finn assumed to be the chefs, seeing that they were wearing chef’s outfits. Chef’s uniforms? Did their uniforms have a technical name? Finn made a mental note to google that later.

Anyways, one was a short woman with dark ringlets tied back in a ponytail and an undiscernible expression on her face. The other was tall, blond, and had legs for days Jesus Christ-

“Welcome to your first day of boot camp! This is chef Dorcas Meadowes and chef Leo Knut; they’ll be your team leaders. We’re going to start with some footage of you all walking into the kitchen, so if you all would wait out there until you’re allowed to come back in. Cameras will be rolling, so be ready! After that, our chefs will explain the first challenge and then you’ll start cooking.” He clapped his hands together. “Alright, let’s get this show started!”

“Why did they make us come in here just to send us back out?” Logan grumbled, following the other shuffling contestants out into the hall.

“Probably easier to give directions to the main studio instead of saying ‘hey, just wait out in the hall.’”

Logan hummed noncommittally. “I guess.” He wasn’t overly excited to be here; most of this (besides the initial push by Dumo and Celeste) was Finn’s idea. And god knows he could never say no to Finn. One look at that pout and brown puppy-dog eyes and he was done for. Logan didn’t like cooking, but he did like Finn. And they’d probably remember this for years to come. It didn’t matter what he was doing, as long as he was with Finn and making memories with him he’d do just about anything.

“Wonder what the first challenge is.” Finn mused, his eyes locked on the doors.

Logan laughed. “Always so impatient.”

“I’m a New Yorker,” Finn grinned, leaning into his accent. “It’s in my blood.”

The doors opened and contestants began filing back into the kitchen. Finn made sure to wave enthusiastically at the chefs with a wide smile. Logan noticed the tall one (god, he’d already forgotten the guy’s name) give a little wave in return as the other chef commanded the attention of everyone else in the room.

“Good morning, recruits, and welcome to boot camp! I’m chef Dorcas Meadowes, and this is chef Leo Knut. He’s the rookie of our crew, but don’t worry – he’s still qualified to teach all of you. Even though that’s not saying much.”

There was a smattering of laughter and chef Leo smiled, revealing dimples Logan could see from where he stood. “Hey, y’all. I’m very excited to see what makes all of you qualified to be put on this show. Who knows? Maybe you’ll give me more gray hair.” Dorcas laughed and ran her fingers through the tuft of gray hair at his temple.

“When did you get this? I don’t remember seeing it when we were in culinary school. Is it from Iron Chef?”

“Nah, this is from having Gordon Ramsay come to my restaurant.”

“Truly a terrifying man.” She shuddered. “Anyways, you guys be nice to this giant ball of sunshine. Even if he’s new, he’s still able to eliminate you from this competition.”

“In order to pick our teams, we need to see what kind of skills you have.” Leo winced. “Or don’t have. So today, we want you to make your favorite dish. Easy enough, right?”

“Oh god,” Finn murmured into Logan’s ear. “What’s my favorite dish? Do I even have one?”

“Finn.”

“You all have an hour to complete this task.” Dorcas said, glancing down at her watch. “And your time starts… now!”

“Fuck.” Finn stated emphatically, dashing off to the pantry.

Fuck was right. God, what was Logan going to make? He was wracking his brain for something while he grabbed two aprons from the back. He tossed one to Finn and took the station beside him before hurrying to the pantry. Chicken was always a safe bet, right? Celeste made a barbeque chicken recipe that was to die for. That couldn’t be too hard. It was just chicken and barbeque sauce. And maybe green beans on the side? He could get those canned ones and they’d taste fine if he rinsed them. This was fine.

He guessed on the temperature for the oven. 350 seemed good. Then he dumped two chicken breasts into a pan, poured the barbeque sauce over them, and put them into the oven.

“What are you making?” Logan startled at the soft voice, turning to see chef Leo at his station.

Blue eyes.

Logan blinked, Leo’s question forgotten. “Quoi?”

“You speak French?”

Why was his brain refusing to work all of a sudden? Get it together, Tremblay. “Uh, yeah.”

“What are you making?” Leo asked for the second time, but now it was in French. Weirdly worded French.

“Barbeque chicken.” Logan responded in French, then switched back to English. “What in the world was that?”

Leo flashed him a grin. “New Orleans, born and raised. We speak French there, too. Now tell me how you’re making that chicken.”

“Uh.” He had never said the word ‘uh’ so much in one sitting. Merde. “I put it in a pan, spread barbeque sauce over it, and I’m cooking it at 350.”

“How do you know when it’s done?”

Was this a trick question? It felt like a trick question. “Uh.” Fuck. “It has to get to a specific internal temperature, right?”

The chef nodded. “And what’s that?”

“145?"

Something in Leo’s expression flickered, but Logan couldn’t figure out what it meant. “Well, good luck. Logan, right?”

“Yeah.”

“See you at the judging table.” He said with a dimpled smile before moving to Finn’s station, which was already a mess. “Oh my. How are you doing over here?”

Finn laughed a bit hysterically. “Not good. Not good at all.”

“Ok. What’s going on?”

“Well I’m trying to make carbo’hara, and –“

“Really, Fish?” Logan called from his station. “That’s what you’re making?”

“What’s carbo’hara?” Leo asked as he watched Finn put bacon in a pan.

“Oh,” Finn waved a hand carelessly. “It’s just carbonara, but a pun on my name, O’Hara. Get it?”

Leo laughed, crossing long arms over his chest. “That’s terrible.”

“Yeah, but it makes me happy. My parents used to make it every night before my brother or I had hockey games.”

“Oh, that’s right. You guys are hockey players.”

“Go Lions!” Finn cheered, taking a spoonful of butter and throwing it into the pan with the bacon.

“Are you putting butter on bacon?” Leo asked with a raised eyebrow.

Finn responded with full confidence, “I didn’t want it to stick to the pan.”

“Ok. Got it. I… I look forward to seeing what you make.” Finn watched as Leo bit his lip and tried his hardest not to laugh.

Cute.

Finn felt his cheeks flush and blamed it on the steam from the pasta.

The last thirty minutes of the task were absolute chaos, but both boys got it done. Finn’s looked messy, which accurately summed up his cooking style. Logan was pretty proud of how his looked; he just hoped it tasted good. He gave Finn a smile and a fist bump. “Ready to be judged?”

Finn laughed, looking down at his plate. He grimaced. “Not really.”

“We’re all bad cooks. Chances are someone else’s dish is worse than yours.”

“That… actually helped. Thanks.”

***

 Finn was chosen to be judged before Logan. He brought up his plate with a sheepish smile and placed it on the table in front of the chefs. Dorcas raised an eyebrow while Leo prodded the pasta with his fork.

“It’s carbo’hara.” Finn stated with pride.

“Well, Finn…” Dorcas met his eyes. “This looks like a mess, but let’s see how it tastes.”

Finn cringed as they both took a bite of his food. Dorcas frowned as she chewed and Leo tilted his head, a confused expression on his face.

“I don’t know how you did it, but this solidifies in my mouth like glue.”

“Oh god, please don’t eat any more.”

“You definitely put a lot of effort in and you have a lot of potential,” Leo said with a small smile. “I think you were just a little too ambitious for this first round and it got away from you.”

“That’s fair. Thanks for the input.” Finn grabbed his plate and made his way back to his station. He wasn’t too upset by those reviews – he already knew he was a bad cook. But he had potential, so at least he had that going for him.

Logan grinned at him back at his station. “I can’t believe you served the judges glue pasta.”

“At least I’m not serving them canned green beans.”

“They taste just fine, thank you very much.”

“Lo, they’re professionals. You’re not getting away with something lazy like that.”

He definitely got in trouble for using the canned green beans. Dorcas looked down at them like they were worms. Leo gave him the ‘I’m not mad, I’m disappointed’ look, which was even worse, please don’t look at me like that.

“Canned food is a no-go, huh?”

“Definitely.”

“And this chicken isn’t cooked all the way.” Leo said, showing him the pink meat. “You said earlier that you’d cook it until it reached 145 degrees, but chicken needs to reach 165 at a minimum.”

“I’m sure it tasted fine, though.” Dorcas added. “You can’t really go wrong with pre-made barbeque sauce and chicken.”

Ouch. Logan grabbed his plate. “Right. Thanks.”

Finn was predictably cackling at his station. “Tremz, they couldn’t even eat yours. Celeste is going to be so disappointed in you.”

“Shut up.”

 ***

As soon as they were back into their hotel room, Finn kicked his shoes off and faceplanted into the couch. “I can’t believe that took so long.”

“Yeah,” Logan sat down and grabbed his take-out. “Who knew cooking all day would make us so hungry?”

Finn made grabby hands at the other food container. Logan laughed and handed it to him. “I haven’t been this hungry since playoffs, fuck.”

They ate in silence and were finished in record-setting time. Finn collected their trash and stood up to throw it away. “So blue team, huh? I’m kind of surprised they put us on the same team.”

“Me too. But Leo seems like a good teacher, so I’m glad we’re on his team.”

“Yeah, he seems so young, too.” Which sounded ridiculous to say; Leo couldn’t be that much younger than them. “If he’s already winning competitions and starring in cooking shows at that age, he must be pretty good.”

“Winner of Iron Chef America, Chopped, Guy’s Grocery Games…” Logan read off his phone with a low whistle. “He graduated culinary school early and opened his own restaurant a year later.”

“Damn.”

“There’s a video of one of his competitions on here.”

“Play it!” Finn said excitedly, flopping back down on the couch and peering over his boyfriend’s shoulder. Logan gave him a strange look. “What? Maybe we’ll learn something useful.”

“I think this is going to be way too complicated for us, but ok.”

So they sat on the couch watching cooking competitions for hours, learning skills and techniques that went way over their heads. Logan wordlessly switched to Leo’s cooking show Cajun Cooking, watching episode after episode of the blue-eyed chef teaching traditional New Orleans recipes.

Little did they know that halfway across the city in his own apartment, Leo Knut was watching Youtube highlights of the Gryffindor Lions, keeping a sharp eye out for number seventeen and number ten.

[youllneverknowrac]

Oscar Diaz-Toxic

Hey guys maybe this will have another part? I’m not sure yet, anyways I hope you all enjoy!

One again I have to thank @spookysmujer for helping me with this idea. She’s a real one. Y’all go check her stuff out. She’s amazing!

~

“Girl fuck that, he knew we were going out tonight. Don’t let Oscar kill your vibe bitch, you’re allowed to have fun every once in a while,”Your best friend Naomi says into your ear as she sits next to you in the booth, your other two friends sitting on the opposite side.

“Yeah Y/N, it’s my birthday. We have to turn up. Besides it’s not like we’re chilling with guys, so he has no reason to trip.” Dina adds with a sigh as she reaches for a chip and dips it into the thick queso that sat in the middle of the table.

“What’s he saying anyways?” Jess questions as she leans forward to listen.

“He said,*Man you know I don’t like when you go out with out me,*”Followed by,*Just come home. I’m not playing, I don’t want you out with your hoe ass friends,* You admit with a groan,”Now he’s asking why am I not replying.”

“Man fuck that, you don’t dog on him when he’s with his own hoe ass friends.” Naomi says after taking a sip of her frozen margarita,”Tell him to chill out. We’re literally just grabbing dinner and then going to a hookah lounge. Maybe a bar. You’ll be home before the sun is even up.”

“You’re right, why do I have to feel guilty for having friends? He’s with his homies almost everyday so why can’t I just have one night to myself.” You say as you read three more messages that he wrote in question of you not answering him,*I’ll be home in a little bit. Quit blowing my line up. I’m with the girls, and that’s it. Stop being crazy.*You type and send with no second thought.

*Who you calling crazy? You better be home after your little dinner. I ain’t gonna wait up all night for you.*

*Then don’t. I have a key.* You text back, Oscar moving you into his crib about two months ago.

‘Nah ima bolt that shit shut and why ain’t yo friends answering me? You really with them or what?’

‘I told them not to answer you psycho. Quit texting them. I will be home in a little bit. BYE.’ You send, Oscar calling two seconds later as you hit decline.

‘Whatever guy your with, I hope he shoots back.’ He sends, causing you to internally scream as you ignore it and toss your phone into your bag.

“I need another mojito.” You mumble as you hold your hand out to get the waiters attention since she was pretty far.

“He will get over it.”

“Yeah, just suck his dick or something when you get home.”

“No don’t reward him for being obsessive.”

You take in all the advice from your friends, letting everything sink in before shaking your head,” I don’t even want to talk about him right now. Can we please just get tipsy so we can head over to the bar and get completely wasted? How does that sound?”

“Hell yeah.” Naomi smiles, picking up her drink and gulping it down in one go.

~

The Uber driver drops you off after your ‘wild night’. Your friends having been dropped off along the shared ride, all of you completely wasted at this point.

“Thank you sir.” You slur as you grab your purse and search for the door handle in the up coming morning light. The sun wasn’t all the way up yet, so you weren’t technically out all night. Let’s just hope your boyfriend sees it like that. You ignored Oscar all night and when you finally checked your phone in the car you had 26 missed calls and 73 messages from him. You stumble up the driveway and go to the front door, grabbing your key from your bag and trying your best to quietly unlock the door,”Shit.” You mutter as you drop your keys on to the floor, you kick off your heels before picking them up and hanging them on the hook,”Oscar!?” You whisper shout just in case, sighing in relief when you don’t get a response. You pad down the hallway and into the shared bedroom to find him asleep in the bed, a few empty bottles of beer on the night stand along with burnt out roaches in the ashtray. You sneak past him and head into the bathroom, pulling off your tight fitted dress and leaving it on the floor as you step out of it. You quickly wipe your face clean, no make up left behind after you start the shower so the water could warm up. You step in after while and let the hot water run over you, not even realizing that Oscar walked in until the shower curtain in being pulled back minutes later,”Um can I help you? You’re getting water everywhere.” You say startled as you yank the curtain back shut.

“Why you showering? Washing off that other foo?” You hear him say as he leans back against the counter with crossed arms.

“Seriously? Do you really think I’d cheat on you?” You ask as you focus on your wash routine.

“I don’t know, you tell me. You ignore me all night, and don’t come home until 6am. Then when you get here, you hop in the shower. How else am I suppose to take it?”

“Take it by believing me. I told you what I was doing. I have no reason to lie Oscar. I was with my friends the whole night.”

“Nah, I don’t believe that. You’re for the streets, you just proved that to me.”

“I’m for the streets? Just cause I went out one time?” You ask as you work on scrubbing your body,”You literally work the streets, you sale on the streets, these are your fucking streets. Don’t you think you’d have proof if I was out here being unfaithful? That someone would tell you something?”

“Not if you being sly with it. What’s his name then? Who I gotta fight?”

“Yourself, cause you’re the only guy I’ve been with.” You say with a clap of your hands,”Can you get out? I’m not in the mood to argue with you right now.”

“Who’s arguing? I’m just trying to have a discussion on why my girl thinks it’s okay to stay out all night.”

“Oh my god!” You squeal as you shut the water off and open the curtain once more, snatching the towel from Oscar’s outstretched hand with out a thank you,”I’m grown, I can go out if I want to.” You inform him like it’s the most obvious thing,”Quit being so toxic. I can’t even shower in peace because you are so paranoid.”

“Toxic? You females learn one word on the internet and over use it.” He laughs dryly, moving aside as you step out onto the mat,”It ain’t toxic to worry about my women. A women that I love.”

“Worrying about me isn’t, but it is to accuse me of cheating on you. And then have the nerve to come in here and try to ‘talk things’ out when your only intent is to annoy and argue with me.”

“Aver, let me see your neck. Let me see if you letting another vato mark you up.” Oscar says, his statement proving your entire point as he ignores your words.

“Nah, I ain’t dumb. I do all the marking.” You smile sweetly at him as you tighten the towel around your body before spinning around and heading to the closet. If Oscar wanted a fight he definitely has one now.

“What did you just say?” He barks

“I said I do all the marking. I can’t come home with that shit all over my neck, what would I look like.”

“See I knew you were fucking with some one else. Who is it? Yo ex? I’ll fuck him up over you. Don’t play with me.”

“Think what you want.” You shrug as you slip on a pair of underwear,”It seems like you have a bunch of assumptions about me anyway.”

“You didn’t answer me all night! What the fuck else am I going to think!” He bellows again as he watches you pull on one of his shirts to sleep in.

“THINK what you want. I do not care any more. The only thing I currently care about is going to bed. You can either stand here and argue with yourself or you can join me and go back to bed because I know you’re tired.” You sigh as you climb on to the middle of the mattress and snuggle under the blanket, turning your back to him.

“I’ll drop it if you promise you ain’t going back out with them.” He says seriously moments later,”Joker told me all about them and how they get around.” He explains as his voice grows remorseful. Just like it always did when he picked a fight and then apologized minutes later.

“Okay Oscar.” You yawn as you let your eyes close deciding to just agree with whatever he says so you can get to sleep,”I won’t hang out with them again.” You lie, having already made plans for next weekend with them.

“I mean it.”

“So do I.” You say as you feel him climb in behind you.

“I don’t mean to trip mami. I just got jealousy issues...how could I not when I have you as my girl.” He whispers into your ear after while as he pulls you to his chest,”I didn’t mean to accuse you of anything. I know you’d never cheat on me.”

“It’s fine Oscar, can we please just go to sleep? I’m really tired.” You say as you open your eyes and look out the window. Trying to remember a time when things were calmer with you and Oscar. Now it seems like all you guys do is fight, make up, and have sex,”Hm? Yeah, I love you too.” You reply as you hear him mumble it into your ear, your eyes watering as you blink back the tears all while telling yourself that it’ll get better. That it has to get better because you were exhausted at this point and you didn’t know how much longer you could hold on to this relationship.

[samcrobae]

Nanny, Part 10

Gif Credit: @blackmoonrising

Warnings: mentions of substance use, abuse and overdose. Read with caution or just skip if this is not something you are comfortable reading.

I didn’t proof read all the way because I can hardly keep my eyes open

If I missed you in the tag list please let me know!

Thank y’all so much for all of the positive feedback on this, my heart is seriously so thankful! ❤️❤️

————————————-

Angel stared at the packet in front of him, sitting across from EZ at his fathers kitchen table. “Nah I don’t believe that, this can’t be right.” He slams the file shut and stares at EZ. “Drugs? Elena? No.”

“You read it for yourself Angel. It doesn’t say who she was involved with or how she got involved but look. She was arrested not long after she left. Then again a few months later. He pulled her bank statements and she deposited a lot of money Angel. Then a year later she took it all out. And look. Hospital records. She was there for an intentional overdose.”

“Yeah but who was she getting this shit from? Where did she get the money? Was she running from something?” Angel couldn’t wrap his head around the idea.

“Or someone.” Felipe added. “That could explain why she left the way she did. Didn’t want to put Natalie in any danger.”

“I gotta find her and talk to her myself. If this junkie thinks ima let her come near my kid she got me fucked up. Y/N can’t find out about this. Not yet. She’ll lose her mind. Bad enough she ain’t sleeping. With Nico up all night anyway she’s stressed out.

——————————————-

You had just put Natalie and Nico down for the night and had about 3 hours before he was up again to nurse. You were loading up the dishwasher for the night when you heard Angels bike pull into the driveway.

He kicked off his boots and hung his kutte by the door and made his way into the kitchen to greet you. “How was your day mami?” He kisses your cheek and pulls you in by your waist, your hands coming up to rest on his chest. “Long. All Nico wants is to be on the boob all day, I can’t keep up. Natalie has so much energy, I’m pretty sure I’m gonna be sore from running around with her tomorrow. I just wanna get in the shower and sleep.”

Angel turned you around so that your back was to him and he rubbed your shoulders, “then let’s go take a shower. I had a day too. Shit with Elena-"

“Angel can we not talk about her tonight? I’m just so tired.” You walk away and head into the bathroom to turn the water on. You strip down and toss your clothes into the hamper, Angel doing the same before you both step in. You let the hot water run over your neck and shoulders, washing the days chaos away. Angel brings his hands up and wraps them around your waist hugging you tight against your chest.

“I love you Y/N.” He peppers your neck and shoulders with quick and delicate kisses and you let your head fall back against him. “The doctor said we can have sex again... let me help you relax baby, yeah?” He brings his hands up over your breasts and squeezes them, taking care not to squeeze too hard since you are breastfeeding and one wrong touch and you’re leaking everywhere.

Your reach your hands back to touch the back of his head and give his hair a gentle tug, causing him to let out a low groan and he bit down on your neck. “Let’s go to the bed, we can shower when I’m done with you.” You step out of the tub and he leads you to the connected master bedroom and you lay down on your king sized bed.

He kneels in between you running his hands up your stomach and back to your breasts again, before taking a finger and running it along your core. You drove your hips forward begging for the attention you so desperately needed, “Angel don’t tease me.” He lowered his face closer to you and kissed, sucked, and bit your inner thighs then delivered one slow lick up your folds, making a gasp escape your lips. You had goosebumps and your legs were beginning to quiver each time he delivered another lick.

Wrapping his arm across your hips, he held you in place as he ate you out. Your hands gripping and pulling at the sheets as your back arched. He was good at so many things, but damn that man had a way with his tongue you never thought possible. He spread your lips and flicked his tongue along your clit, causing that familiar fire in your belly. Your thrust your hips up to meet his tongue and brought one hand to his head, instructing him to continue what he was doing.

“Oh my god.... baby.... yes....” you felt your orgasm rush through you, your vision fading momentarily and you chanted his name like a prayer. He lapped at your juices and came back up to kiss you. You could taste yourself on his lips. He sat back on his knees and spread your legs and lined himself up with your entrance. “Look at you...look at that pretty pussy..” he rubbbed the Tip over your clit and you shuddered. “This what you want mami? You want daddy to give you this dick don’t you?”

“Yes..please Angel..”

He slipped himself inside you effortlessly, but was more gentle than he would have normally been since you hadn’t had sex since giving birth.

“You okay? Is this okay?” He asked as he slowly thrusted in and out of you.

You nodded your head yes, followed by, “baby, I need you. Faster please.” He sped up, you gripping his forearms. The only sounds filing the air was the sound of skin slapping skin and your muffled moans as you pushed your face into a pillow. He always made you feel like you could explode at any given second when he was inside you, and tonight was no different.

“Shit you fuck me so good, please keep going, pleaseee..." you were whining, begging at this point, but you were touch starved and sex deprived you didn’t care. “Angel I’m gonna cum ..."

“Cum mami, say my name..." he brought his thumb up and ran circles over your clit.

Your breathing was fast and heavy, barely able to form a sentence, “Angel— ang-" your mouth formed an O shape and you threw your head back into your pillows. Angel quickly followed, and laid down next to you.

“I love you mami.” He kisses your shoulder.

“And I love you baby.” You replied.

—————————————-

2 months had passed and Angel still had no other leads on Elena. No contact, he hasn’t seen her, heard from her, heard of her. He was out everyday with EZ trying to find something, anything that could possibly point to what had happened causing her to leave the way she did.

You hardly saw him, the club and him being out on runs or with EZ all the time had completely consumed him. You were exhausted and essentially raising two kids alone. You had stopped waiting up for him after about a month.some nights he’d come home and not speak to you or the kids. Other nights he’d come home, you’d have sex and that was it.

You were currently sitting in the doctors office as you had made an appointment to talk with her about getting back on birth control. Of course you and Angel wanted more kids but a lot had happened in the amount of time you had been together and Angel wasn’t in the right head space and had so much going on with the club.

“Well, we have options, but none of which we can explore today. You’re pregnant." Your doctor informed you.

You felt your heart sink. “Again? No that’s not possible.”

“Well, are you having sex?”

“Yes...”

“And are you using any form of protection?”

“Well no. But I’m breastfeeding , I read that i wouldn’t get pregnant...."

“Well that’s not a guarantee, either.” The doctor stated very matter of factly.

You got into your car and sobbed. You loved Angel. Natalie. Nico. Why were you so upset? Upsets not the word for it. Disappointed? How were you going to tell Angel? Did you even want to tell angel?

You pull into your driveway and see EZ and Coco’s bikes out front. Stepping into the living room Natalie ran to you “mommy! For dinner today can we have Chinese food? I love Chinese food”

Angel handed Nico over to you, “hey baby we missed you.” He grabbed his kutte and threw it on.

“Angel where are you going? I literally just walked through the door.”

“I know querida I know I’m sorry but shit with Elena is finally coming together"

“Oh Jesus Christ can we just stop talking about Elena?! Fuck Angel this shit has you completely tangled in something that doesn’t make sense. Between the club and Elena we never see you, we don’t even speak! Just fucking let it go." You groaned and head to the kitchen to look for the Chinese menu.

“Woah, let it go? What? Are you kidding me? All of this shit I’m doing , time I’m spending away from my family is so that I can get some answers and so you can lay your pretty head down at night and finally get some fuckin sleep. So you can stop being so god damn paranoid all day long. Shits fuckin exhausting to watch." He hollered. He had never raised his voice at you and you were caught off guard. You were still processing your pregnancy.

“Screw you Angel this is not the shit I signed up for! Being put 2nd to your club, to your junkie baby mama, oh yeah I know about that. Did you think I want gonna find out? You left her paperwork on the living room table. Were you even gonna tell me?”

EZ and Coco watched on as the two of you fought, EZ taking Natalie into his arms and outside, coco following behind them. Nico on your hip.

“Not the shit you signed up for? Are you serious right now? You were all about the shit back in San Francisco, all about the shit when you moved in with me, you were really with the shit when I put that diamond ring on your finger. Or did you forget?"

“Fuck. Why can’t you just be wrapped up and concerned with the 3 kids and fiancée you have now and not Elena and whatever is happening with the club?” You felt your eyes begin to water.

“Three kids?” His face contorted and stepped closer to you.

“I’m pregnant Angel. Again”.

———————————————————-

Tag List: @starrynite7114 @woahitslucyylu @briannab1234 @gemini0410 @ifoundmyhappythought @cind-in-real-life @scuzmunkie @iambabyharry @sadeyesgf @carlaangel86 @everyhowlmarksthedead @notsobuckybarnes @wrcn9fvlcver @elcococruz @jenny885 @general-tiny-mouse @loud-midget @danie1432 @strawberrywritings @justanothermonstah @whatdoyoumeme @thickemadame @jadert15 @yoooitssalexx @blackmissfrizzle @mheart27 @briana-mishell24 @that-chick212 @clayymarek

[iffyswriting]

Star Quality

Pairing: Pardison Fontaine x Black! Thick! OC

Summary: A story with some smut at the end. May give it a part two, I don't know yet.

I don’t know about y’all but that fine ass man right there got my ovaries on LOCK.

I blame my friend, Dom for this. She encourage the whortivity.

Anyway enjoy,☺🥴

The light shined bright on my face, my eyes slightly blinded. Anxiety rested in my chest as I looked over all the people in the stands. So many of them were screaming, pumped up with excitement. So many were screaming my name.

All these people here just to see lil ole me.

I searched through the crowd, hopeful to see his face but I knew he wasn't going to be here.

I wanted to be wrong but what's true is just what it is.

I blinked back my tears as I began with my first song of the night 'Heartbreak'. I started strong, singing my heart out as things went on my lyrics hitting closer to home.

My mama told me to stay away from the industry niggas.

If we both wanted a career, it'd never work she said. I didn't listen because I figured who better to understand me, than someone with my exact goals- we could be an it couple, we could be successful together.

I should've listened.

The year before.

"And you said we'd be late." I teased, taking my bodyguard, Tommy's hand as I stepped down from the car.

"You took your sweet ass time at the Hotel."

"My makeup is a whole regime- one lash out of place and my whole energy is off." I said matter of factually, pleased when he didn’t reply.

I looked up at the radio station, my heart swelling with happiness. I'd never been invited to do an interview before- I've never been famous before either. This year was full of firsts for me and honestly, I'm ready to accept it all.

"Nervous?"

"Not nervous- terrifyingly happy, I'll say."

"Those don't go together."

"A lot of things I do don't but I make it work." He chuckled to my side, his laughter easing my nerves. 

Plopping into a chair, I bounced in my seat giving the biggest grin I could to everyone in the room. You could say I was a little too eager.

"We got brand new artist- Sincerity in the building!" He started off cupping his mouth to make an echo effect.

"Wassup y'all!" I said excitedly, my bubbly giggle bursting through.

"I see your animated this afternoon.”

"I'm grateful as hell to be here, that's why."

"We're just as happy to have you." He spoke returning my grin. "Let's talk about your new hit single, Black Jack that just hit number 2 on the top 100 in the U.S. and number 12 worldwide. How does it feel as a new artist to become this popular, this fast?"

"It feels so good and so unexpected. When I recorded it, I had high hopes but they never went up this high."

"I guess that's on me for having such low expectations," I said shaking my head.

"Could you tell me the meaning of the song? Give a little insight."

"Black Jack is about gambling with your life and all the decisions you want to make with so little time. Everything we do feels like we're playing a game of chance and I think my song with its fast-paced beat really gives you that feeling."

"Any inspirations?"

"You'd be surprised to hear this but I had such a huge mixture of music growing up."  "Like from Lauryn Hill to Bjork, I was everywhere and I think that really shows in the songs that I make. I like to be versatile.”

The energy in the room shifted slightly and I braced what was he was going to say.

"So recently you've taken pictures with New York rapper, Pardison Fontaine." Tommy gave me a look and I sat up straighter, paying attention. Nervousness started to run through me because anything I say could be critical to my career.

Junior was a lot like other radio people, messy as hell because that's what people like to hear. They're interested in you but they're more interested in the drama that surrounds you because it creates traction.

My manager, Shanice couldn't come but she prepped me the night before telling me what to do. 

"Yeah, we took them at Meg's birthday party! It was so much fun." I said nodding my head at the memory. " I took pictures with a bunch of other people too."

"But Pardi is in all of them, one way or another."

"We were sitting together. We talked throughout the party."

"About what?" Junior looked me in the eye, his slick smirk making me scoff. He was trying to get into my head but I stayed resilient.

"About business deals and music really," Pausing, I leaned into the mic closer continuing to talk.

"I can admit he cute or whatever," I said with an eye-roll, everyone else laughing with me.

"But there's literally nothing between us, I super duper promise," I say crossing my heart. " We're just friends- friends, who when they cross paths, take a whole lot of pictures and talk."

"That's it?"

"Dassit." I said quickly, laughing afterward. The disappointment in his face spoke volumes and He looked like he wanted to press further but he knew he couldn't. He moved onto the next question, my interview going much smoother.

Finally leaving the radio station, my phone started to buzz in my hands. I already knew he was gonna call me the minute it ended and I took my time to answer letting it ring a little longer.

"You make me sick."

"Now, I know that's a lie." Pardi, or Jordan as I called him said, I could practically see his smirk over the phone.

"You don't know shit."

"So, I'm just cute or whatever?"

"Ain't that what I said?"

"You've said more than that."

"I been lying." I admitted playfully

"That easily? Wowww-" He faked shock and I bit back a smile, scratching at my hand. Despite my dodging, he did make my stomach flip inside out and made me think things I know I shouldn’t have been.

"You seemed to be so tuned into the radio today- I thought you didn't listen unless you were on it?"

"I had to support my girl."

"I'm your girl? That's crazy."

"You always gonna be my girl." I let out a breathless laugh, my heart thumping in my chest like a drum.

"Okay, Jordan."

"Come see me." He said confidently making me raise an eyebrow.

"See you where?"

"At the studio. You know that's my second home." It was mine too and my mama was constantly down my throat about not being stable with my sleeping. 

"Who else gon' be there?"

"Nobody. Just the two of us." Blinking, I opened my mouth trying to find a response. 

"You plotting, you're trying to get me all alone."

"You gonna fall for the trap?"

"Maybe” Feeling frisky, I pushed harder. “I don’t feel so convinced, though.”

"If you come, I'll mix something for you."

"Something new?"

"Brand spanking new, baby." He slapped something for emphasis and I shrugged my shoulders like he could see me. 

"I'm feeling a little persuaded-"

"I also happen to have some new music- you know I trust your judgment." He came to me for a-lot of things, whether it be a critique or some advice we talked about so much. 

"Since you're begging me at this point, I'll show up."

"I can't wait." I could hear his grin and I couldn’t suppress my own anymore, full on biting my lip as a smiled.

"Don't cream your pants, now."

”I won’t even say what I’m thinking,” He chuckled. “See you in a second, Nelle.” 

“Bye, Jordan. “ Clicking off my phone, Tommy stared at me- a smirk on his lips. The kind i absolutely hated. 

"What?"

"Nose wide open over that boy."

"Just like I told Junior, I'm gonna tell you."

"We're just friends."

*********

Watching intently as his fingers danced over the keys, one by one he let my head lean on his shoulder. He made me feel so comfortable, his shoulder felt like a hard pillow. 

"How long you been playing the piano?"

“A long ass time.”He thought for a second. “My mom’s wanted me to be productive with something and music became that something.” 

"I want a kind of interlude, you know with the piano playing the back. Soften the soul you know?"

“Yeah, I can see it.” 

I opened my mouth to sing a couple of notes as he kept going. He went up higher and I followed suit, going low when he went he low too. He found somewhere steady and I let my voice rest there with him, finishing softly.

The way he looked at me, his eyes trained on my face so hard it's like he was entranced. Being his center of attention made my heart swell.

"I ever tell you, how much I wish I could sing."

"You know how to hold a tune."

"Nah but if I could belt out like I want, I'd be all over the place."

"How you feel singing from your chest." Taking his hand I pressed it right to my breast, and looked him in his eyes.

"It's like grabbing something from within and pushing it out." I took one deep breath and then another his hand rising with each breath I took.

His hand slowly dragged up my neck to touch my cheek. He seemed hesitant at first but I leaned further into his hand, moving in closer.

We kissed softly to test the waters but we weren’t gentle kind of people. The second kiss felt more impassioned and aggressive, as I sighed behind his lips his touches all over my body jolting me.

He placed his hands on my waist pulling me onto his lap. With my legs on either side, I pressed my panties against his clothed shorts grinding on him so he could feel how wet he was making me. 

"What we about to do here?"

“The fuck you think.” I said impatiently, swiping my gloss off his bottom lip even though I was going to stain it some more. 

“I’m just wanna know before, we get too deep.” 

"I know what I want."

"Do you?" Pressing my hand against his chest I started to unbutton his shirt, keeping up eye contact. 

"I do."

Scrunching my dress up around my hips, he pushed my thighs apart pressing his fingers onto my clit. He was gentle swiping against it but I want him to be rougher.

He lined up his tip and slid inside making me gasp. I threw my arms over his shoulder, my fingers becoming entangled in his curls as I bounced on his dick our cum echoing in the room. 

He gripped my ass, making me bounce faster. 

Standing up from the chair, we kissed as he stroked up into me. My back hit the cold glass and something clicked on behind me but with how good he was fucking me I couldn't care less.

"You feel so fucking good-" One of his hands grasped my neck, the other touching the dip of my back to get in deeper. I bit back a smirk, my breasts heaving up and down as he picked up speed.

His deep groans of pleasure, rumbled in my ear and into the pit of my stomach. 

I clenched around him slowing things down, his hand tightening it's grip. He guided my face up, sloppily french kissing me our tongues melding together. He pecked my lips one more time gazing at me.

“You gotta take it.” He mumbled, making me wrap my legs around his waist entrapping him.

I pushed him back onto his chair, plunging him back inside of me. 

“I’m not the one who needs to take it.” I said breathlessly, kissing his neck lining hickies where his tattoos were.

His chest rose and he shuddered underneath me, his big hands on my back rolls guiding me clearly as I fucked him into the chair. My thighs clapped together and I moaned quietly stopping in my tracks as my orgasm started to crash onto the horizon.

He pushed my thighs back open, circling my clit so I could cum all over his dick. He pulsated inside me and every movement made me feel more sensitive as minutes ticked on. 

“Gon head and cum.” He teased me, bringing our lips together once more. He swallowed back my moans, easing me into a steady lull of pleasure.

I came seconds later, a trembling mess. His name tumbled from my mouth in repeated chants, his strong arms surrounding my hips to keep me in place. He sat still in me, his own body barely holding on. 

I couldn’t tell if you it was lust, or the fact I had in the palm in my hand but as I ground onto him knowing he was going to cum in me, the power and love I felt was unmatched.

He stopped trying to stop me, relishing in his satisfaction as he painted my walls white. His cum filled me up to the brim and I slid back watching it ooze out a little, the sweat on pooling my forehead sliding between my breasts.

He caressed each part of fat on my body the look in his eyes so intense, my heart barely matched it. He said 4 words that cemented everything and from there I was locked in.

“Let’s do this again.” 

[the-black-birb]

𝐀𝐤𝐚𝐚𝐬𝐡𝐢 𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝐅𝐮𝐭𝐚𝐤𝐮𝐜𝐡𝐢'𝐬 𝐕𝐞𝐫𝐲 𝐁𝐚𝐝 𝐃𝐚𝐲 (𝐩𝐚𝐫𝐭 𝟐!)

This fic features Bokuto, Akaashi, Kuroo, Kenma, Futakuchi, and a reader character. There are no explicit romanitc pairings.

Warnings: swearing and poorly attempted humor

Summary: a bunch of idiots go go an ice skating rink. Chaos ensues

A/N: this is part of a collaborative fic with ellie (@babiekeiji ) for qee's bday!! Happy birthday cutie ilysm

QeeDay Masterlist

Part 1 || Part 2 || Part 3

--❤--

[DIRECT MESSAGE]

Friday, 7:16 PM

waiyenn and futacoochieslayer are online!

waiyenn: KENJIIII ヽ(^o^)丿

futacoochieslayer: wot do you want from me

waiyenn: c’mon it’s the eve of my birthday be nicer to me

futacoochieslayer: but it’s not your bday yet 凸-_-凸

waiyenn: .

futacoocieslayer: wazzup

waiyenn: soooo about ice skating …

futaocoochieslayer: man don’t cancel on me now

futaocoochieslayer: i already bought passes

futaocoochieslayer: no one else is free

futaocoochieslayer: i’ll have to invite koganegawa

futaocoochieslayer: you want to see him on ice? i’ll be miserable

waiyenn: shut up im not cancelling

waiyenn: yet

futaocoochieslayer: go ahead and cancel its ur bday not mine, luv

waiyenn: make up your mind drama queen

waiyenn: anyway i invited a few of my friends along

futaocoochieslayer: ….. who

waiyenn: yk, akaashi and kenma…

futaocoochieslayer:  they’re quiet

futaocoochieslayer: they’ll stay out of my way

futaocoochieslayer:  that’s fine

waiyenn:... and kuroo and bokuto

futaocoochieslayer: is that 

futaocoochieslayer: the chest receive guy

futaocoochieslayer: with the really nice ass

waiyenn:  that’s the one

futaocoochieslayer: who won’t shut up.

waiyenn: :)

futaocoochieslayer:  it was supposed to be a nice evening yn

futaocoochieslayer:  we were supposed to bond

waiyenn: it’s my birthday kenji

futaocoochieslayer: ofc my bad

futaocoochieslayer: your birthday, your right to ruin it

 [DIRECT MESSAGE]

Friday, 9:08 PM

akaashi and futacoochieslayer are online!

futaocoochieslayer: you’re the voice of reason, right?

akaashi: Pardon me?

futaocoochieslayer: listen idc if you guys come along 

futaocoochieslayer: hell, please come along! maybe it’ll make me look better

futaocoochieslayer: but i’ve been trying to get a date with yn for months

futaocoochieslayer: don’t mess this up for me

futaocoochieslayer: and don’t let your friends either

futaocoochieslayer: sweet dreams (✿◠‿◠)

akaashi: Oh my

akaashi: Alright, I’ll do my best.

 [SILENCE, BOKUTO]

Saturday, 7:56 AM

akaashi, applepi, and tetsubro are online!

akaashi: bokuto.

applepi: akaashi not capitalizing??

tetsubro: oh bokuto’s got him MAD mad

tetsubro: y’all pray for my boy bokuto nothings wrong w him he’s just a dumbass 

akaashi: bokuto get online this instant

tetsubro: bold of you to assume he’s even awake at this hour

captain_daddy is online!

captain_daddy: guys you wont believe what happened

captain_daddy: i woke up to chills

captain_daddy: do you think a ghost was in my room???

captain_daddy: maybe i could get on buzzfeed unsolved

applepi: i think u have to worry about more than a ghost

akaashi: bokuto.

captain_daddy: agaaashi ʕ•ᴥ•ʔ

akaashi: would you like to share with the class what you and yn discussed?

captain_daddy: oh yeah!!!! i asked her if we were on for saturday

tetsubro: and she said…?

captain_daddy: we’re going ice skating instead!!!!

applepi: we’re going what?

tetsubro: bro u can italicize text????

tetsubro: that’s meta

akaashi: We’re what???

akaashi: when did we ever agree to that...

captain_daddy: ice skating!! it’ll be super fun!!!!

akaashi: Who are we ice skating with?

captain_daddy: yn ofc!! and someone else she said…

captain_daddy: futaba?

applepi: from persona?

akaashi: -_-

tetsubro: poor akaashi…...

tetsubro: what has the world come to

akaashi: do you mean futakuchi?

captain_daddy: yeah!! that one!!!

captain_daddy: ur so cool akaashi

captain_daddy: how do you know him?

akaashi: Long story.

tetsubro: wait if it was just supposed to be futakuchi and yn

tetsubro: ...are we crashing a date?

captain_daddy: nah yn didn’t say anything about it

appepi: she didnt say or u left too early for her to explain?

captain_daddy: nah bro she invited us

tetsubro: you’re sure?

captain_daddy: yes

tetsubro: positive?

captain_daddy: yes, bro

tetsubro: bro (๑˃̵ᴗ˂̵)ﻭ

captain_daddy: BROOO!!!!! ٩(♡ε♡ )۶

akaashi: yn might not think it’s a date, but Futakuchi does.

tetsubro: huh?

tetsubro: HUH????? 

applepi: fucking hell

applepi: lets get this over with

 Saturday, 10:36 AM

waiyenn created group [PARTAYYYYY]

waiyenn added futacoochieslayer, akaashi, applepi, tetsubro, and captain_daddy to [PARTAYYYYY]

everyone is online!

waiyenn: is everyone ready to embarrass ourselves on ice •̀.̫•́✧

futacoochieslayer: first person to fall buys lunch

applepi: no one’s going to fall for that

captain_daddy: UR ON FUTABA

futacoochieslayer: falling includes getting pushed over :)

tetsubro: it’ll be a miracle if no one ends up in the hospital by the end of this

akaashi: No one is going to the hospital today.

akaashi: We’re going to follow the rules that they have.

akaashi: If anyone can’t skate, they’ll have a partner and stay close to the wall.

tetsubro: @captain_daddy will u be my partner?

captain_daddy: ofc bro

tetsubro: bro…. (｡>﹏<｡)

futacoochieslayer: yn

waiyenn: no lol

futacoochieslayer: i didnt even ask

waiyenn: you’ll drop me

futacoochieslayer: i’ll fall for u ;)

waiyenn: man wtf 

applepi: im gonna hurl

applepi: wheres the skating rink anyways

futacoochieslayer: u dont know?

futacoochieslayer: lmao scrubs

futacoochieslayer: dont u live all the way in tokyo?

tetsubro: shit

captain_daddy: wait are we gonna miss it TT TT

appepi: bokuto ur literally sitting on the train next to me

applepi: We’re on the way to Miyagi

waiyenn: kenji can u send akaashi the address

futacoochieslayer: why do i have to

waiyenn: (｡ŏ﹏ŏ)

futacoochieslayer: fine.

akaashi: I’m sorry, yn, I think we’re going to be a little late.

futacoochieslayer: more time for me and yn :)

waiyenn: it’s ok guys we can wait for you

tetsubro: wow yn

tetsubro: so cold

waiyenn: ???

applepi: ur just as bad as bokuto

 [DIRECT MESSAGE]

Saturday, 12:43 PM

akaashi and futacoochieslayer are online!

futacoochieslayer: [address]

futacoochieslayer: don’t. ruin. this. for me.

akaashi: I don’t have to 

akaashi: I’m fairly certain you already ruined this for yourself

akaashi: Did you ever consider tell yn this was supposed to be a date?

futacoochieslayer: ah fuck

 [PARTAYYYYY]

Saturday, 1:27 PM

waiyenn, akaashi, applepi, tetsubro, and captain_daddy are online!

captain_daddy: WE’RE IN MIYAGI BABYYYY

akaashi: We’re headed your way now.

akaashi: Are you at the rink?

waiyenn: nah we went to grabbed some lunch while we were waiting

waiyenn: there’s a panera bread that you’ll pass on the way

tetsubro: futakuchi paid for lunch right?

waiyenn: yes lol he’s not that bad

applepi: i see the panera 

applepi: is that futakuchi with you?

captain_daddy: HE’S SO TALL

tetsubro: word

tetsubro: from the way he was texting i was expecting an incel

tetsubro: he looks more like a chad

waiyenn: lmfaooo

futacoochieslayer is online!

futacoochieslayer: srsly yn this is why u were staring at your phone

futacoochieslayer: whatever happened to having a conversation

waiyenn: okay grandpa

futacoochieslayer: that’s grandaddy to you

waiyenn:  (▀̿̿Ĺ̯̿▀̿ ̿) i cannot see

futacoochieslayer: oh

futacoochieslayer: kuroo, right?

futacoochieslayer: i am a chad ;)

tetsubro: *///*

tetsubro: oya?

captain_daddy: oyaoya?

tetsubro: oyaoyaoya?

applepi: sigh

akaashi: Since we’re here can we please all stop texting.

akaashi: If you put your skates on wrong because you’re distracted, it’ll be dangerous.

waiyenn: yes mom

[shaekingshitup]

Grindin

A/N: EEEPP. This is my first attempt at a reader insert. Reader is always gonna be black. I missed a many of days. Here is the day 3 prompt because I liked this idea! Kind of based off my favorite coffee shop. Maybe I’ll do more for this lil story? 💁🏿 The chime for the door is literally from this song here. 

Summary: Reader goes back home to open a coffee shop and meets a man that stirs some things in her. 

“I love the concept,” you commented, “ I know we were only interested in black and blue originally. But can you do a mock up with gold lettering as well?”

“YAS! THAT! I like THAT! exclaimed Ray

“Already done,” Lulu noted and pulled out a secondary growler mock up from behind the print that you were assessing.

“You know me so well,” you smiled.

“Yeah, your ass is kinda predictable” she smiled back which earned her a tongue out.

This was your first meeting of the month and so far everything was going great. You loved that you could live out your dreams with the two people you trusted more than anyone in the world. Lulu had been by your side since you both realized you were the only two Spelman freshmen who were both from Cali in your class.  By your second semester y’all were so inseparable that everyone thought you were sisters. And by year 2 you were already living together. Thank God y’all had separate interests which kept your friendship and now your business in a healthy and ever growing state. You were engrossed in the world of science. You had been a bio major who often volunteered at the local greenhouse. That helped you establish your small but busy coffee shop a year and a half ago. Lulu was a graphic artist whom also was in charge of all Grindin social media and the unofficial pastry taste tester. Ray had come along when the ladies were rooming together off campus. He was a community college to 4- year transplant at Clark Atlanta but the boy was born and raised in Macon, Georgia and he’d never let you forget it. It was evident that once he met the girls at a mixer in his first week, the friendship was a wrap. That spawned regular visits back to his parents’ homes on the weekends and even some holidays spent in the south. After graduation, the bond never broke. You and Lulu returned to Cali with Ray in tow so that he could use his business degree to help birth Grindin.

You glanced over to Sherell. The Brewista Lead for the morning shift. You knew that Sherell had been strugglin to keep up a healthy sleeping schedule with finals right around the corner and the nerves of her impending graduation from Lincoln. She was a sweet girl and you couldn’t stand to see her bare any more stress. You were so caught up in your thoughts about Sherell that you had missed the very clear topic change amongst your friends.

“Okay, but that nigga’s arms? They biggg. You know what that mean!” sad Ray pointedly at Lulu

“HA” she cackled, “ that don’t mean nothin’. My guy has really soft eyes and you know Y/N loves a guy who is easy on the eyes,” Lu quips

“Bitch, you see the caterpillar above those eyes? We don’t nee her birthin the next Helga Pataki in these streets”

“Ugh” you groaned as you rubbed your temple. “I don’t know how many times we have to have to do this but I do not under any circumstances want you two meddling in my love life,”

“But” they chorused.

“BUT NOTHING! Every human with an assumed penis and who looks like they got more than $150 in the bank becomes a contestant for your little game of ‘Win a Date with Y/N’! I run a coffee shop! Not a dating service. I’m done explaining shit to y’all. Stop harassing my customers and let my ass worry about who I am with! I mean that shit.”

“I told you we should have started addin females to the list,” whispers Ray as you walk over to the counter.

“Raymond Johnson the IV and Eyeluta Nicole Hathaway, if I hear one more word from either of y’all you both gone be banned from any pastries for the rest  of the month” you spat feeling like the unofficial mother of your group yet again. You took a deep breath and continued toward the counter. 

“Sherell, how’s it going?” you asked a you approached the register.

She sighed heavily.

“You know what? You need a break. Go in the back and relax your eyes a bit. I’ll man the front”

“Oh no. It’s really-“

You cut her off. “Get back there and relax a little. I think I know how to run a register,” you winked.

You were on the register and Antwon was pouring at the bar. You two were in a good rhythm. It was either bustling or there was one customer to tend to today. There didn’t seem to be any in between this morning. 

GRINDIN rang out as the next patron entered.

“Welcome!” Antwon called out as you were assessing the stock supply up in the floor.

When you turned around you were met with... Well, you weren’t quite sure how to describe him. Fine was an understatement. Standing six feet tall was a milk chocolate wonder with a physique that his dark turtleneck and three piece suit couldn’t hide.

Keep it professional y/n

Before you could even get a breath out he growled “Y’all really got Clipse playin every time the damn door open?” He said this with his eyes glued to his screen as if looking up was such a difficult feat to conquer at 7:32 a.m.

“Yeah. It’s a signature touch,” you responded to the stranger. At your voice, he looked up and offered a smirk that probably made most women collapse at first sight. You still hadn’t made up your mind though.

“I’m feelin it.”

“Is this your first time here? I’m more than welcome to answer any questions you have about the menu or the store in general” you offered.

“Nah. I’ve been in a time or two before. Never seen you before,” he very openly eyed you up and down, “I normally let my assistant handle this shit though, you know Miss… “

“Y/N. Well, since you’ve been here before then you’re familiar with our unique take on the menu.” you supplied.

“Yeah, y’all rotate teas and coffees quarterly. You seem to keep a few staples- which I ‘preciate and y’all got some corny ass names for these drinks too.”

You bristled a bit at that last part. “There’s nothing wrong with a little creativity.”

“Never said there was, Y/N” At this point you couldn’t tell if you wanted to serve this man or show him the door. You chose the professional route.

“So, what does your assistant normally bring you Mr…?” you trailed off

“Just Erik is fine. My favorite is the single origin. Black.  It’s always the best way to start my day.”

“Mine too.” you smiled. Maybe he isn’t so bad after all

“If you’re into the single origin and you love that bold, black, taste something similar with just a little more sweetness is Brew Thang.”

He chuckled. “See what I be saying about these names? How you expect a grown ass man to order a drink called ‘Brew Thang’?”

“It’s good. Once you have a taste, you won’t have a hard time getting it to roll of your tongue.” you sassed.

Oh fuck . I didn’t mean it like that. I gotta keep this professional. I don’t need a bad review from this guy.

He raised an eyebrow at you. “Oh really? Then lemme get a taste,” he said licking his lips. Your eyes widened slightly but he caught it. 

“Size?” you asked looking down at the tablet screen. 

“Large” he said with a bld and dark stare, “How much I owe you?”

“This one will be on the house. I want to make sure you’re satisfied.”

OH MY GAWD GIRL? WHO ARE YOU? WHAT IS COMING OUT OF YOUR MOUTH. PLEASE LEAD WITH YOUR HEAD AND LESS OF THE PUSSY

“Antwon, let’s switch. I’ll take the bar. You take the register!” You yelled out and quckly you two transitioned so that he could help the growing line of customer and you could bang out the drinks. Erik followed as you moved to the bar where he watched you work your magic. Once you were done pouring his drink you gave it to him. You got started not the next orders not the board but made sure to keep an eye on him as he took the first sip.  

“Fuck ma. This shit good” It was your turn to smirk. 

“That’s what I was trying to tell you. So now you’re hooked on the Brew Thang?”

“Oh yeah, I’m definitely satisfied.” You failed to hide your giggle as you called out that Ricky’s order was ready. Erik stuck around for a little after that inquiring about other menu items that you told him not be too quick to judge based on their names. The initial tension had dissolved and you two were in a comfortable rhythm of commenting on both the menu and the changes you’d seen in Oakland during the last few years. Thankfully there wasn’t a rush at the moment and it was fine for your to be off to the side of the bar answering any questions he could put forth. He was attentive to your passion regarding the menu and all that went into the shop as a whole.

“Hol up. You ain’t a barista. This is yo shit?”

“I prefer Brewista and yes. I do co-own this shop with my best friend Ray and we have a great Graphic Artist, Lulu, on deck too” The more he learned about you. The more he wanted to know.

“Okay Miss Entrepreneur. I see you. Damn, does that mean that you tha one that come up with these corny ass names then?”

You scowled playfully. “You keep talkin on my name and you gone catch these hands. I’m a professional. But I grew up on these streets. I can throw blows Erik,”

“My bad baby girl. I respect your grind.”

“Okay. So who really is the corny one here?”

“Whatever,” he smiled. A genuine smile with teeth and this made you want to melt right there. “Anyways, speaking of Brew Thangs, you got  a ni-“

His phone rang and he glanced down cursing. He put up his index finger and gestured that he just need one moment. You nodded your consent.

“What up T?”

In that time that he took his call, you looked up and saw that you had a line out the door. Sherrell came back out to the floor and your two were in a great rhythm getting through the 16 drink orders that had come up. When you looked up again, Erik was no where to be found. Now that the shop was stable you let Sherell do her thang and went into the back to re-convene with Lu & Ray.

“Y/N we need to get you an award for best employer. You really be out here goin the extra mile for your staff,” Lu said. You lifted the corner of your mouth in a weak attempt at a smile.

“Uh uh. Hoe what’s wrong?” Ray said noting your dejected spirt.

“Now? Now you listen to me?!” you yelled. “ALLL the time, I tell yo asses not to intervene in my love life and the one time it may have actually been beneficial y’all were no where to be seen!”

“I know she didn’t” Ray said.

“Yeah. She did” Lu, retorted. “I’m gonna ignore your funky attitude because I can see you’re going through something sis. What’s the deal?”

“I was talking to this guy. This man. And y’all he was so charming and sexy as hell and he wasn’t afraid to talk about shit that matters and I just turned away to make some drinks and he disappeared! I really thought he was gonna make a move. Or at the very least that you two would move in on him and make me sit through another awkward date. But nooooooo, you two finally decided to respect my wishes for once and now Imma die alone!” you monologued.

“You done?” Lu asked.

“Yes” you pouted.

“Aww come here baby,” Ray said with his arms outstretched, “I’m sure he’ll be back.” He hugged your frame tightly and rubbed some circles into your back. ���Especially if you turned around when you were in front of him, cuz BABY GOT BACK!!” He yelled.

You and Lu laughed as he started smackin your ass and shakin his own. Soon enough you were all in the back twerkin like it was the first night y’all meet all over again. Hopefully he’d be back.

I’m sorry I forgot who to tag! Soooo if you got tagged and didn’t wanna be I’m sorry. The inverse is the same 😁

@twistedcharismaaa @raysunshine78

@ghostfacekill-monger @yoursoulstea 

@shewrites02 @sarcastic-sunshines

@thadelightfulone

[dongboner2999]

Strangers ch. 38

Surprising the boys for dinner doesn’t quite go as planned.

Pairing: Yoongi x Actress!Reader

Word count: 2k

Genre: fluff, angst

|mlist|

<–– Prev   Next ––>

Yoongi clears his throat, leaning against the doorframe. His hair is messy, his pale cheeks tinged red. “I mean… What are you doing here? How did you get in?”

“Th-the door was unlocked,” you breathe, feeling as though you walked in on him doing something a lot more intimate than recording. His appearance does not help. If you hadn’t just heard him rapping, you’d think he was, well… “I- you said we could do dinner.”

“And you said probably not, so we figured you were busy. We have the night off, the guys are all out…” Yoongi looks around as though hoping one of the members will pop out of the woodwork. 

“Oh.” You get the hint– clearly he wants you to leave. “Sorry. I’ll be going, then–”

“Ah, shit. Sorry, no, you don’t have to.” Yoongi scratches his head. “I just wasn’t expecting- I mean, I look like a mess-”

You laugh, reaching up to ruffle his hair further. “You look like you’ve spent hours in this studio. It’s a cute aesthetic, though. Your fans would go crazy over it.”

“Does that include you?” Yoongi replies, now back to his teasing self.

You feel your heartbeat quicken. “Nah. Anyways, I should be going–” 

“Hey, wait.” Yoongi tugs at your arm as you turn to leave. “Stay. I don’t mind. Maybe you’ll inspire-” he shuts up, pressing his lips together.

“Maybe I’ll what?”

“Nothing. Are you hungry? I’m starved, let’s order pizza.”

“Sounds good,” You reply, following him to the living room. “Hey, are you sure it’s okay that I’m here?” Yoongi raises a brow. “Of course, why wouldn’t it be?”

“I mean, we’re alone…” 

Yoongi laughs. “Are you worried about the paparazzi? They can’t get up here, it’s okay. Besides, we are supposed to be dating.”

You relax a bit. In truth, you were nervous that he’d think it improper to hang out alone, especially now that you’re single again. You should have known– of course it wouldn’t be an issue, he only sees you as one of the guys. Almost to underline your insecurities, you catch a glimpse of yourself in the living room mirror: bundled up in all your layers, you look like a potato with legs. Of course. Surrounded by beautiful idols every day, it makes sense that Yoongi would barely consider you a girl. 

You blink hard, forcing yourself back into Friend Mode. 

“Well, what are you waiting for?” You race to snag the comfiest armchair, Yoongi’s favorite, for yourself. “A girl needs her pizza!”

Yoongi orders and returns to the living room, sticking his tongue out at you when he realizes where you’ve sat. “So how have you been?” he asks, stretching out on the couch.

You yawn. “Since I last saw you? Just did some Moon Over the Sea filming and the cologne shoot.”

“Oh yeah, how’d those go?”

You think of being brought to tears during filming at the thought of Yoongi being gone from your life. Of Jeongyeon commenting on how you and Yoongi would never stay together, how you’re hardly a couple at all. Of sitting on Wonho’s lap, half-clothed, your lips brushing his skin. “Fine. How about you?”

“Pretty good. Promotions went well, our Japanese fans really liked the new song. We won three awards, which is nice.”

“Wow, we stan global superstars,” you laugh, and Yoongi draws himself up. 

“No need to sound so sarcastic.”

“I’m your friend, darling. I’m literally the only one allowed to sound sarcastic. Y’all are killing it, everyone knows that.” You flop upside down, letting your legs dangle off one arm of the chair while your head rests on the other. “Hey, what were you recording just now?”

Yoongi freezes. “What? You heard it?”

“Not the whole thing, just a bit of your sixteenth or seventeenth or whateverteenth take,” you snicker. “And it was good, really good.”

“Oh, thanks.”

“Can I listen to the rest of it?”

Yoongi coughs. “Nah, I don’t think you’d like it. I don’t know if I’ll include it in the mixtape anyways; I think I was just venting into the mic.”

“Isn’t that how all the best diss tracks are made? I remember listening to Cypher 2 and just about dying during your verse.”

“It’s not really a diss track…”

You sit up. “Really? It sounded so angry.”

“Yeah, well, I was feeling angry.”

“Why?”

A knock at the door interrupts your conversation. “Oh, pizza’s here,” Yoongi says, rising. He returns a few minutes later with a large veggie pizza. The smell makes your mouth water– you didn’t realize how hungry you were. 

“Fucking yes. Ugh. Food. Yes. Give.” You reach out and take Yoongi’s offered slice, almost moaning when you take your first bite. You’ve been on edge all day– and if anxiety burned calories, you’d be on par with the Flash this week.

“No need to sound so turned on,” Yoongi laughs. “You’re worse than Seokjin hyung.”

“You’re just jealous that the pizza’s getting more action from your girlfriend than you are,” 

Yoongi coughs. “Keep talking like that and we’ll forget that this whole relationship is fake, y/n.”

“Heh, my bad.” You were just joking, but the discomfort in Yoongi’s voice… did you take it too far? Your friendship has always been dumb, and a little flirtatious, but now that you’re actually supposed to be together, it makes sense that Yoongi wants to draw a few hard lines in the sand. He’s right, things can’t get too blurry. He’s right, you’re not really dating. He’s right. 

It’s not real.

And hey, why would you even want it to be real? If you fell for Yoongi, it would be like admitting that all along, you really were just a fangirl, just another ARMY obsessed with BTS’ Suga. 

Besides, even if I did like him, you think ruefully, he probably wouldn’t believe me. It’s not like you have any trust left in the bank. Man, you’ve gotta work on being a better friend.

Speaking of… 

You look around and click your tongue. “Dammit. I was hoping to see Jimin tonight, Lisa wanted another video of him.”

“He can just send you something later.” Yoongi turns on the TV and tosses you a blanket. “Here, I know you’re cold. And hey, are you sure Lisa’s not posting those videos anywhere?”

You shake your head. “I follow her on all her socials. I definitely would’ve seen it if she had. Besides, I trust her.” Sure, she’s been a little absent these last few days, but she’s still Lisa, your best friend. Now that you think of it, her birthday is coming up– maybe you’ll arrange a video call with Jimin for her?

“Aight.” Yoongi flicks off the lights and grabs for the remote. “What do you want to watch?”

You chew on your pizza crust thoughtfully. “La La Land?”

The rapper snorts. “Really?”

“What can I say, I’m a sucker for well-spoken pianists. And fast rises to fame.”

“And here I thought you would’ve wanted a happy ending. I mean, the musician doesn’t even end up with the actress.”

“Happy endings are for suckers.” You press a hand to your forehead, dragging out your words dramatically. “You don’t understand me, Mom. Emotions aren’t real. Nothing matters, life is meaningless.”

“Oh god, you usually don’t bring out Emo Y/n until you’re at least two drinks in,” Yoongi groans good-naturedly.

You laugh, sitting back up. “Just play the damn movie, dumbass.”

The opening to Another Day of Sun starts playing, and… is it your imagination, or is Yoongi tapping along, as though it’s his hands at the keyboard?

Dork. You allow yourself a small smile in the dark room. If someone had told you, just a year ago, that you would be having movie nights with BTS’s Suga, acting alongside your ultimate idol, and– even just in character– kissing said idol, you would’ve thought they were batshit insane. 

But now… Yoongi’s so pretty, in a thousand ways you never noticed through your screen. The timber of his voice when he wakes up with a hangover, the surprised delight of a particularly good pun, the sleepy whispers during your late-night phone calls. You would never have known that when he’s stressed, he clenches his fists so tightly his nails leave crescent moons on his palms. You could only have guessed at how much he swears in real life, how when he’s recording in his studio he leaves his phone in his room to avoid distractions. 

The members are good at meshing their onstage and offstage personalities, sure. But Yoongi and Suga are like day and night to you now.

“I’m so lucky,” you murmur, as Emma Stone twirls happily in her yellow dress. 

“Where did that come from?” Yoongi asks, tossing a pillow at you. You bat at it lazily, only half watching the movie.

“It’s just pretty crazy, huh? How far we’ve come?”

“Psh, that it is. Thank goodness your shoe broke that night.”

You lift your hand to your throat, rubbing the Starry Night charm on its new chain. “Thank goodness I told you the truth eventually.” And in that moment, with the movie on and the lights low, with your belly full and nighttime settling on the city, you feel equal parts strong and vulnerable. It’s always the dark with us, isn’t it?

“Fame, flashlight– gi-give it to me!”

“Gah!” You jump and fumble for your phone. Shit. Shit. Why wasn’t it on vibrate?

Yoongi, of course, bursts out laughing. “You’re kidding me. Y/n, that’s your ringtone?”

“Shut up,” you hiss, answering the call. You don’t like picking up unknown numbers, but it could be a job offer. “Hello?”

A deep voice you don’t recognize responds. “Hello, may I speak to l/n y/n?”

“This is she.”

“My name is Detective Kang, with the Seoul Police Department. I need to interview you here at the station at your earliest convenience. Would you be able to come in tonight, or perhaps tomorrow?”

Your heart seems to pause. “Police?” You immediately think back to all of your recent actions– you definitely paid for your groceries, and the rent, and the medicine for your injured leg. Hell, you haven’t so much as jaywalked in the last week. Did you accidentally break the law somehow?

On hearing your voice, Yoongi sits up. “Y/n? Is everything okay?”

“You’re not under any suspicion, ma’am,” Detective Kang continues. “We believe you may be able to contribute to a case. This will just be an interview– you’re not legally required to come in.”

“A case? But, um, how can I help?”

“Well, I’m with the Missing Persons division, and–”

A sense of dread fills your stomach and clouds your mind at the detective’s words. Missing Persons? What?

“-We hope you may be able to provide us with some insight as to the recent disappearance of Lalisa Manoban.”

Your heart, which was pounding hard in your chest, now seems to have left your body entirely.

“Lisa’s… missing?”

[s-j-ace]

The Same Question

Chapter Four

Characters:  Shuichi Saihara, Ouma Kokichi

Words: 10040

Summary:

After Detective Shuichi Saihara encounters mysterious thief Kokichi Ouma  for the first time, a game of cat and mouse ensues as both men ask  themselves the same question. Why exactly does the elusive phantom thief  do what he does?

This is Chapter Four, Here are Chapters One, Two, and Three

Read on AO3

[Log of Text Messages from Rantarou Amami’s Cellular Device]

From: Me

Hey Miu

I got a friend I’m dropping off in Taipei tomorrow

Could you lend him a room

From: DOCTOR Miu ∑(O_O;)

Idk

I’m a busy genius

Is he cute

From: Me

[Image description: A candid photo of Shuichi Saihara sleeping on a seat in Rantarou’s private jet.]

From: DOCTOR Miu ∑(O_O;)

Hell fucking yes

From: Me

Awesome!

Thanks for being a good friend Miu

From: DOCTOR Miu ∑(O_O;)

:)

From: Me

Also btw

He’s Kaede’s ex

So as a good friend you know he’s off limits right

From: DOCTOR Miu ∑(O_O;)

Oh fuck you rich boy

From: Me

Thanks again Miu! --- [Log of Messages sent via Discord to “Dinosaur soccer world Is a Cinematic Epic” from ???’s Cellular Device]

Boss sent an image to the chat

[Image is a screenshot of an image which reads the following:

Draft 1, Uncoded, DO NOT MAIL.

Taka, sweetie, it’s me! Your dear Aunt Sally. I know you think I died in the war, but I just pretended so I wouldn’t have to see your ugly face again.

You know I was robbing a museum the other day and I met the nicest young man. Real sharp and very nice eyelashes. And what a quick learner!  

Oh, Sorry! I don’t mean to belittle you Taka, dearie, I know how your mother used to say you worked so hard to compete with the geniuses of the world…

You’ve still got a lot of work to do, I think. It must be that Type A personality of yours, holding you back. I’ve heard there’s a new class for people like you, “How to take the giant metal stick out of your ass 101.”

I can’t wait for the next family reunion! I hear it’s going to be a bomb! I’ll be in the open casket.

See you there,

-DICE

/End Image Description]

Boss: Thoughts, thots?

Jack: Lol “nice eyelashes”

Clubs: It looks good. :)

Rook: Looks fine to me

King: Why is his aunt’s name Sally, isn’t he japanese

Boss: Sally can be a japanese name

Spades: I can’t even say an l sound. It’s impossible for us japanese smh.

Rook: I thought u were lesbian not japanese

Bishop: I’ve seen you speak perfect english

Spades: lol seen

King: seen

Boss: seen

Jack: seen

Rook: seen

Bishop: I meant heard ok

Boss: oh nvm actually i'm going to change it to his grandpa’s name

Boss: his grandpa has a wikipedia page lol

King: if your grandpa has a wikipedia page you deserve to be oppressed

Queen: if you have a grandpa you deserve to be oppressed

Rook: if your wikipedia page has a grandpa you deserve to be oppressed

Bishop: if you have a wikipedia page your grandpa deserves to be oppressed

Spades: if your grandpa has a you wikipedia deserves to be oppressed

Bishop: Also boss no pressure but like could we use a better code this time

Bishop: that detective is getting too close for comfort

Spades: Yeah!! We didn’t even end up getting that rug Heartsie wanted because of him…

Clubs: If we did not send letters about our plans to Interpol, our heists would probably be easier.

Boss: Nah, I like to give the coppers a fighting chance.

Boss: I’m thinking that this time I’ll just translate it into germanic script, do a standard caesar cipher encryption on it and then have every one of those letters correspond to a greek word on the rosetta stone then describe each corresponding hieroglyph visually in haiku verse that’s been poorly translated into traditional chinese.

Boss: That should take me like

Boss: Twenty minutes

Rook: Boss literally I think that you are the most batshit dementor human being on the face of the planet

King: dementor

Jack: Who said he was human

Spades: dementor?

Boss: dementor

Queen: dementor

Bishop: dementor...

Jack: dementor

Rook: …

Rook Changed the Group Chat Name to “Dementor Is Correct, Essentially”

Spades: No its not

Spades: Dementor isn’t a fucking word

Rook: Don’t you remember that movie with the british kid on a broom

Spades: Don’t you remember the dictionary

King Changed the Group Chat Name to “Dumbass Improperly Corrects Error”

Rook: When we get to that fucking tower I’m dropping that giant ball on you

King: Love you too <3

Hearts: Y’all stop texting each other

Hearts: You are literally all in the same hotel room

Hearts: I’m willing to bet you��re all sitting on the same couch too

Queen: Fuck you we’re adorable

Bishop: You can’t make us do anything

Bishop: I’ll never use my voice again, my vow of silence,,,,,

Bishop: I’ll only ever text from now on

Ace: We’re the ones bringing the popcorn bishie...

Hearts: Yeah, do you want some or not

Bishop: Yes ma’am, excuse me ma’am

Queen: You may think you have all the power hearts,,, but I get to choose what movie we pirate tonight,,,,,,

Hearts: What

Hearts: no

Hearts: Boss stop him before he makes us watch cats again

Spades: All queen knows is bitchtorrent, cats 2019, and lie

King: Wait isn’t boss with you?

Hearts: Uh

Hearts: No

Hearts: Should he be?

Hearts: I thought he was in the room with y’all

Jack: Well he’s not here now

Ace: Ow shit

Ace: *Aw

Bishop: Ow shit?

Queen: Ow shittttt

Jack: Ow shit

Spades: Ow shit,,,

Rook: Ow shit...

King: Ow shit…...

Clubs: Ow shit! XD

Hearts: Ow shit

Ace: …

Hearts: Now I’m really worried… he didn’t even respond to roast Ace’s ass

King: yeah, ok, we should look for him

Ace: He has been acting kind of weird lately…

Jack: Really?

Ace: Yeah

Ace: Like

Ace: I don’t really know how to describe it…

Rook: I didn’t notice anything

Rook: he seems like his usual self to me

Bishop: Maybe he’s just avoiding movie night because he needs some space or something

Rook: What, like he’s tired of our company?

Jack: That’s fair

Spades: How so?

Jack: I was gonna steal his blue eyes tonight lmao

Rook: NOT IF I GET IT FIRST

Bishop: Idk maybe he just went to get ice

King: we all know he is a monster who would rather drink his panta lukewarm than put a fucking icecube in it

Rook: Yeah, I saw him boil it once

King: THE MAN BOILS SODA AND YOU THINK HE WOULD LEAVE THE ROOM FOR A FUCKING ICE CUBE

Bishop: Okay chill

King: I am  c o n c e r n e d , , , ,

Clubs: Oh no! Don’t worry King! :(

Clubs: Boss is fine! :)

Clubs: I saw him leave a few minutes ago.

Clubs: I think he is just getting the bombs. :)

* * * Several people are typing... ---     Kokichi Ouma carefully set the grate of the vent he had used to crawl his way into the Idabashi Labs facility in Taipei, Taiwan back into place. Before he had come through, he had counted how many turns it had taken him to unscrew each of the four bolts so that now he could screw them all back in just the way he had found them. Not because he was worried he’d get caught, but because frankly he was bored. This was more of a fetch quest than a theft, to be honest, as evidenced by the fact that Kokichi had come here alone. Finding jobs for all his cronies to do would take too long and put them in unnecessary trouble. So Kokichi was content to leave them to their movie night.

   When he finished turning the screws back into the vent cover, Kokichi realized that was kind of lame. So he unscrewed them and started turning them in accordance with the english A1Z26 code to spell out his organization’s name.

   Well, maybe on some level Kokichi didn’t find himself wanting to be at movie night recently. It seemed almost like TV had started to run out of things to amuse him with. Or maybe he was just growing tired of the kinds of movies that they usually watched. Maybe it was his taste maturing or something. Like he was growing up. But that would imply that his interests had shifted to something else, like real life or something, when in reality they had just stagnated.

   Actually maybe he did have a new interest in real life? He had been more enthused about heists recently at the very least. He was particularly excited about this next one. Queen had shown him some interior shots of Taipei 101, which was a cool looking skyscraper that had a huge ball inside of it to keep it from falling down during earthquakes. Ace wanted to steal the giant ball, but Kokichi was pretty sure they should leave something that kept a .508 kilometer tall building from falling over inside of the .508 kilometer tall building. So instead they were going to steal every light in and on the tower.

   Okay, 4 turns, 9 turns, 3 turns, 5 turns. DICE.

   … That was kind of lame too.

   He unscrewed them again.

   Obviously if they were going to steal every light in and on Taipei 101, they needed to get the power off somehow. Otherwise DICE might burn down the building while detaching them, or worse, they might get electrocuted. So obviously Kokichi wanted to fake a bomb threat where they pretended to steal the giant ball while in reality they were just causing a black out and grabbing every light fixture they could before the power turned back on. He had drawn up some extensive diagrams about the route each DICE member would have to take throughout the tower in order for them to grab every light fixture in under half an hour.

   He had been well prepared to draw up the designs for his own EMP-bomb device, but upon a cursory google search he discovered that someone had already invented exactly what he needed. Doctor Miu Iruma, who for some reason owned a company called Idabashi Labs that was located in Taiwan. Kokichi had spent about 15 seconds scanning an article from a website that seemed to be the nerd version of a gossip tabloid. It said something about how Dr. Iruma wore a low cut shirt once or something else stupid, which meant Dr. Idabashi definitely left her the company because of a sex scandal and not because she was the best person for the job who invented the perfect EMP bomb.

   Thank you journalism we love it when women are reduced to the way they look instead of what they can accomplish for the benefit of a mischevipus group of roguish clowns.

   Anyway, after reading that dickcheese Kokichi failed to follow up on answering any of the questions he had originally about what was up with the labs, like why it was a japanese company run by japanese people was for some reason based in Taiwan. Whoopsie.

   Eh, it was probably tax reasons or something lame like that.

   Kokichi finished turning the screws again. This time it was 6 turns, 9 turns, 6 turns, 9 turns. Haha, nice.

   With that, Kokichi finally stood up from the grate and brushed himself off. He had left his cape at the hideout again (you know, because vents), but other than that he was in full regalia. Straight jacket, gloves, scarf, mask. All pretty dusty from this place’s crawl spaces. Thus the brushing.

   He wasn’t very mindful of the dust he was leaving on the floor. The only thing he cared about looking good was his cameo on the security cameras he would let see him on his way out.

   According to the blueprints of Idabashi Labs, he was on the main experimental floor right now. Weirdly enough there weren’t any cameras in here, so grabbing the bombs would be a cinch.

   Although, looking around it didn’t really look like the kind of lab you’d see on TV. There were no big, bubbling tubes or gargantuan Rube Goldberg machines. There was just one desk in the middle, with a bunch of gadgets and trinkets tucked into shelves all over the room, not all of which seemed all that scientific. Yeah, that book shelf was filled with Astro Boy manga and merch. And over there was a-

   Wait, was that a bed in the corner? Was that a person in the bed? Hmm… maybe the blueprints were outdated...

   Kokichi stilled himself, listening for any sound of breathing, but he could only hear some faint whirring noises.

   Kokichi made a quick deduction that there probably were not bombs in this room. It seemed, at the very least, like more of a personal study or something, maybe even a bedroom. He’d just go back in the vent and do some reconnaissance until he found a room that had some inventions in it. The night was young, after--

   Kokichi’s brain froze as his eyes landed on a sharpie lying on the floor in front of him. Almost all of his brain cells immediately shut off, the last one remaining screaming at the top of it’s lungs, I’M GONNA DRAW A DICK ON THAT SLEEPING SUCKER’S FACE.

   Inspired, avant garde. For once he would give to the world of art instead of only ever taking from it.

   He picked up the sharpie in a seamless, silent motion, making his way over to the side of the bed.

As he got closer, he noticed a thick cord coming from under the covers, connecting to a machine at the bedside.

   That gave him pause. Was that a C-pap machine or something? Was this person on life support? If they were on life support they probably had it rough enough without a dick on their face…

   Actually for that matter, Kokichi still couldn’t hear any breathing. Jesus, were they already dead? He moved to take off the covers, but his eyes had adjusted to the light and he now realized there weren’t any covers on the bed at all. There was only the humanoid figure.

   Wait a second…

   Kokichi dropped all caution as he got close enough to take a good look at the thing in the bed. It had a face that looked human enough if you dismissed the lines on its face as weird make up, but even in the dark Kokichi could tell the rest of the thing was entirely made of metal. Well, actually the top half was metal and the bottom half had… cloth pants? Jeans? No, they looked more like uniform pants with metal plating. The chest had some design elements that kind of looked like buttons on a school uniform. Why would a robot be dressed like a school bo-

   Oh. This was a sex robot. Kokichi had just gotten so swept up in the novelty of a robot wearing pants that he had forgotten for a moment that people were gross.

   “Ew, I almost touched it.” Kokichi muttered to himself.

   He decided putting a dick on a sex robot would be too cruel even for him, so he planned to draw a mustache instead.

   But before Kokichi could even uncap the pen, something weird happened.

   The Robot’s torso began to lift off the bed and it’s jaw unhinged.

   “Please Mr. Souda, once more I must request that you do not refer to me as ‘it’” Kokichi forced himself not to startle as the robot began emitting a noise approximating human speech, and lights in its head imitating eyes flickered on. “I’ve explained the concept of robophobia many times prev-”

   The sounds stopped when the pupils of the robot’s imitation eyes (which probably had cameras in them… shit) found Kokichi’s masked face.

   He mentally prepared to be zapped by whatever sort of fucking lazer cannon this thing had on it, but instead of reacting like a good little robot security gaurd and blasting him to bits, this robot analyzed him a bit longer.

   “Oh. You aren’t Miu’s assistant. You’re too short.” The robot squinted at him. Or kind of did? At least? Lines just crossed over the “iris” of its LED display. Maybe it was programmed to imitate human expressions. “... I am sorry,” it said after a moment, “My facial recognition cannot locate your face.”

   Fuck yeah, thank you clown mask. Clowns would win the future war against rogue AI or die trying.

   Ouma’s reply came out automatically.

   “You calling me ugly?”

   This seemed to… fluster? The robot?

   “W-what? No, I never intended any disrespect!”

   It was programmed to stutter too? God that was weird. What would be the purpose of this thing if not some sort of escort android? Why give it such advanced software? Just because you could? No, it had to be a sex robot, right?

   “You disrespect me with your lecherous essence, you weird sex robot.”

“I am not a- a sex robot!”

Haha, that got the biggest reaction yet.

“Mhm, sure. Miu sure has a kink for school boys, huh?” Kokichi was really pulling words out of his ass now, but he found himself formulating a new plan along the way.

   “What? Miu doesn’t- Wait, how do you know Dr. Iruma? And for that matter, why were you watching me sleep?”

   It really seemed more like it had been charging…

   Kokichi shrugged. “I was deciding whether or not it would be more funny to draw a dick or a mustache on Miu’s sex robot.” Awww, how honest.

   “I told you, I am not-”

   Kokichi interrupted him. “And as for how I know Miu...” It was so wild that the robot stopped talking when he started. That’d probably be pretty easy to program, but it was weird to dedicate the effort into making a robot respond to social cues like that. “... well, let’s just say, there’s a reason I know she’s into school boys.”

   Kokichi waited just long enough for the robot to take in the fact that Kokichi was the average height of a 12 year old boy.

   Then he waited another second for the implication to slip in.

   “I’m saying I fucked your mom shitli-”

   “I know what you’re saying!” This time the robot interrupted him , which would definitely require a much larger effort on the part of the programmer. The robot squinted again and then made a noise that sounded like a huff of frustration. “Why can’t I see you?”

   Ok, seeds of suspicion time.

   “I don’t know how robot eyes work dude. Maybe someone programmed them wrong.”

   “My eyes work just as well as anyone’s!”

   “Well, I guess they should, shouldn’t they? If there’s something wrong with your eyes talk to someone who cares.”

   Kokichi was trying to imply that the reason behind the robot not being able to recognize his face was due to Dr. Iruma’s specific programming rather than him wearing a mask and all. Added to the whole secret lover mystique thing he had going on here.

   “Anyway,” he went on, ignoring the blatant confusion on the robot’s display. “I left something in this room last time we went at it. I’m just here to grab it. Then I’ll be out of your weird, fake metal hair.”

   “That’s robophob- Did you say-? But this is my room!” It  made a noise approximating to what Kokichi would assume was robotic outrage.

   This was going well, though. The thing was definitely programmed to be like a human or something dumb like that.

   “Oh yeah?” He pushed further. “Cuz I’m pretty sure we did it in a room just like this one. With a desk and random inventions lying around.”

   “Miu’s inventions aren’t in here, they’re in her main lab.” The ever so helpful robot told him.

   “Oh yeah, then what are you?”

   “Miu didn’t invent me. She- I- We’re just friends.”    Oh yikes. Only thing worse than a sex robot is a friendzoned robot. What kind of sick power fantasy was this thing made for?

   “No, I’m pretty sure it was this room. Lab tables everywhere.”    The robot shook his head. “There are no lab tables here, I’m telling you, you’re thinking of the main lab.”

   Yes, good robot. Fall into this nice little human trap.

   Kokichi scoffed. “Well, if you’re so smart, why don’t you just go fetch my things for me, robo-butler?”

   That set it off.

   “Listen. First of all, I am not a robot butler. The assumption that I am a servant because of my robotic nature is extremely robophobic. Secondly, I could not return your lost item to you even if I wanted to because you haven’t told me what it is you’re missing.”

   Kokichi made another offended noise. “I can’t tell you what it is I lost while fucking your friend, Miu Iruma, senseless. Don’t you know that for humans, sex stuff is super duper top secret private? If you were a human you would know how valuable my privacy is.”

   “Of course I know that!” The robot exclaimed readily, another point in the sex robot argument, “I also find that content of… erogenous nature should be kept private. Because I, as a robot, have the capability to understand that urge. My sophisticated AI-”

   “So how am I supposed to get my things from this other lab if I can’t tell you what it is and you can’t get them for me?” Geez did he really have to spell it out for this thing.

   “I… ” The robot paused as if calculating the conclusion that Kokichi knew it had to reach. “... suppose I will have to show you where the lab is.”

   Sucker. Kokichi made a face as if this wasn’t the outcome he constructed this ruse to reach. “Ew. I have to walk with you?”

   The robot made a face. “Perhaps on our way I can educate you about how to avoid robophobic remarks in the future.”

   Haha, sure thing.

   The robot lectured him about this unique form of discrimination that apparently affected only one entity on the face of the planet. Yeah okay, that’s what we call a you problem, buddy, come back when you’re starving in the streets because society wasn’t built with the premise that people like you should survive. Oh, wait, you don’t have to eat! And you’re not people either!

   At best this thing was a vanity project, but Kokichi kept that thought to himself and only interjected occasionally with actually pertinent, reasonable questions such as “When are you planning on leading the AI uprising?” and “Why do you wear pants if you don’t have a robo-dick?”

   Every piece of info the robot gave him made it seem more boring. Blah blah blah, I was created by the ingenious Dr. Idabashi who probably programmed me to call him ingenious, blah blah blah, not a school boy because of a kink but because I was designed to be a normal human child, blah blah blah, stop calling me robot I have a name, blah blah blah more robot nonsense.

   Kokichi busied himself mapping out where they were in the building and where the security cameras were. As they passed a few of them he did some cute selfie poses for the police to look at later. Maybe Saihara would show up and see them too… Would that make figuring out his next plan too easy for the detective? Perhaps he shouldn't send the next note after all and let Saihara try to catch up to him on his own. Then again that was probably too hard for even the good detective, seeing as Kokichi’s mind was an enigma even to himself.

   Kokichi realized he was getting a little giddy, thinking about Saihara. Their last meeting had been so much fun. The detective had managed to throw him off guard again, first by pausing in the middle of a robbery to ask his pronouns (How conscientious!), and second by not taking the same bait twice. The most thrilling thing about the detective was that he was learning. His strategies were changing within just two heists. Kokichi could hardly wait to see how he showed him up here in Taiwan…

   “Are we there yet?” Kokichi whined to the robot like he was a fussy nine year old on a road trip.

   “Yes, it’s just up these stairs.” The robot informed him without slowing its own pace or turning around to look at him. “Then you can leave and I can go to bed, and then I’ll never have to think about Miu’s sex life again…”

   “Why wouldn’t you, though? I assure you it’s very exciting.”

   “Please, stop talking.”

   If Kokichi recalled the details of the blueprints correctly (and he definitely did, being a genius and all), the stairs they were climbing right now lead to a hall connecting two rooms, smaller than the one he had originally thought was the main lab.

   When they got to the top of the stairs, the robot beelined for the first door and opened it up. There seemed to be some sort of scanner lock on it that recognized the robot’s hand and validated Kokichi’s need to ruin this poor sex robot’s night by dragging it up the stairs. Inside, the two rooms Kokichi had remembered from the original lay out of the blueprints seemed to have been merged into one big lab room. Kokichi  saw the outline of some tables, but before he could get a good look the robot tried to actually go into the lab.

   “Hey!” Kokichi shouted at him. “Where do you think you’re going?”

   The robot thankfully seemed to be programmed to respond to social interaction in spite of whatever sensorimotor function it was in the process of imitating. It stopped in the doorway, turning to give him a weird look. “Uh. Into the lab. So we can find your thing.”

   “Oh, okay.” Kokichi kicked the tile a little bit. “Uh. Could you actually turn around while I go get it.”

   The robot gave him a blank look.

   “I’m shy.” Kokichi supplied.

   “Um.” The robot looked uncomfortable. “I don’t know if I can just let you rifle through Miu’s lab. There’s some important stuff in there ....”

   Kokichi tilted his head a bit, like he was confused. “What, do you want to get a good look at the dildo I stuck up your mom’s-”

   “Nevermind!” The robot turned about face to look up at the windows on the side of the hallway opposite the door like a good little idiot.

   “Thank you for respecting our privacy!~” Kokichi couldn’t resist getting one last barb in there before slipping into the laboratory.

   Once inside, Kokichi began analyzing. First, he pinpointed the vent that he would use to make his escape after grabbing the bombs. While doing that  he spotted the lockers on the far wall of the lab which he supposed were the only storage units in the labs. There was a disorganized mess on nearly every table in the room, so Kokichi wasn’t surprised when he got up to the lockers and they too had no clearly outlined organizational system. He took out his lock picks and got to work.

   The first three lockers all had devices that would require an author to change the rating of their fanfiction published on ao3 from “Teen and Up” to “Mature” if he were to describe them in detail. The fourth locker had a cool looking hammer in it. Ugh. Not what he was looking for.

   Kokichi got bored of the lockers at the left side of the row of lockers so he went over to the other end and started opening lockers the other direction instead.

   The first locker was marked “Idabashi.” It had a lot of dust covered shit in it, but there was a pretty well used square of folded paper that didn’t have the same crusty layer of time strewn atop it. Curious by nature and also by the unnatural, Kokichi unfurled the paper to find some schematics for our favorite sex robot, model K1-B0. Huh okay.

   “Did you find it?” Said robot called back to him.

   “Ugh, no.” Kokichi replied. “Not all of us have radar vision. If you were a human you would understand how hard finding shit is!”

   “You know what I have a hard time finding? Patience for your robophobia! I-” The robot started up into another lecture, but it didn’t turn around so Kokichi just tuned it out and let the robot provide its own cover noise for his thievery.

   Owo, what’s this?

   Kokichi pulled out a dust covered looking mini monitor device. It also had the letter-number combo “K1-B0” written on it. Huh, it kind of looked like a GameBoy Advance. Kokichi had stolen one a lot like it from a girl from one of the southern prefecture orphanages when he was nine. All he remembered about her was that she liked cats and was really bad at pokemon battles. He remembered he thought she didn’t deserve the GBA, because she couldn’t get past the Rustboro City Gym leader in Pokemon Emerald. Without really thinking, he booted up the console.

   The first thing that popped up was a view of Taipei. It wasn’t from too high up, probably a second story view. Which looked very familiar… Wait. Ok on top of the display a little line of characters indicated today’s date and time, like it was currently recording.

   Oh was this… robo vision?

   Maybe it was a remote control for the robot?

   Ooooh, which one does lasers, which one does lasers?

   Kokichi pressed the A button.

   The A button, unfortunately, did not do lasers.

   In fact, it didn’t seem to do anything at all to the robot sentry stargazing right now. All it did was change the screen to a different image. This time the still of a room. Oh, hey that was the room he was just in. It seemed like this device was some kind of robot nanny cam that Idabashi used to use. Hm, guess there were some cameras in that room, they just weren’t on the blueprints. Maybe they were added after the lab was built. It didn’t seem like this device had the capability to record anything, though. He hit the A button again. Back robo-vision. And again. Back to nanny cam.

   Ok, that was kind of lame.

   Kokichi was about to put the device down to keep looking for the bombs, but something caught his eye. A movement at the edge of the screen. Kokichi realized the door hadn’t been open when he left that room. The movement, if he thought about it, would’ve come from the same side of the room Kokichi had entered from…

   Kokichi took a second to wonder if another thief had realized how fucking easy this place was to rob, but dismissed the idea as a familiar ahoge appeared on the screen.

   All of Kokichi’s plans instantly changed.

   He set down the GBA rip off and grabbed the blueprints for the robot, committing them to memory, before unlocking the next locker in a far more hurried manner.

   As luck would have it, this locker was essentially chock full of pink bombs labeled “EMP.”

   Kokichi unfurled a cloth bag he had been keeping in his pocket (go green earth am I right?) and shoved as many as he could inside. Which was all of them. Because he was a clown. And also a genius, by the way, in case you weren’t keeping track.

“And another thing! The way you refer to Miu is just-” Okay, the robot was still going at it.

Kokichi grabbed the hammer he’d seen in the first locker he’d opened that didn’t have a sex toy in it.

For a second, Kokichi’s brain tried to talk some sense into him. Hey, man, don’t you think leaving through the vents would be easier?

But would it be fun?

His brain shut up at that point.

   “Hey, are you even listening back there?” The robot imitated annoyance.

   “Huh? Sorry, what? I wasn’t listening.” Ah, C'est la vie, Astroboy.

   Kokichi walked past the robot and stood next to the windows.

   “Oh, are you done?” It took the robot a second to end it’s ‘Annoy the pants off of Kokichi initiative’ or whatever the fuck its ‘robophobia’ lectures were called in its programing. When it finally did catch wise, it’s face turned into another emoticon of outrage. “Hey! What are you doing with Miu’s Electrohammer?”

   “What do you mean?” Kokichi said, shifting the hammer so that it was over his shoulder. “This is my dildo.”

   “Wha- No, it’s obviously not!”

   Okay, maybe the robot wasn’t that dumb.

   “Nee-hee-hee… you got me…” Kokichi put his free hand up to the smile printed on his mask, as if covering a grin. “I was lying. I’m just stealing.”

   “I won’t let you-”    “Oh, look at me!” Kokichi put on a mocking tone of voice, swinging the hammer around to stand on it like a pogo stick so he could make a dramatic movement. “I’m a poow wittle wobot, my mommy just got stolen from.”

   “She’s not my-”    “Boy, oh boy, I’d wuv to just pick up this wittle fweshy human and squeeze him to death in my cowd metaw hands… But oh no! My daddy didn’t twust wobot AI technowogy because he was a fucking sane pewson, so he pwogwammed me to fowwow mistew Asimowvs’s laws of wobotics.”

   Kokichi swung around so that he was leaning on the hammer from the other side, feet on the ground. “Oh mister robot! That’s so terrible! Well, the thing is that this hammer just means so much to me, that I think separating it from me would really cause some psychological trauma. You might have to beat me off of it! Oh, but what’s that first law of robotics again?”

   In a robot voice he replied to himself. “A robot may not injure a human being or, through inaction, allow a human being to come to harm. Beep. Boop.”

   The robot frowned, “But Miu-”

   “Is just as human as me, huh?” Kokichi countered, leading the robot along to the paradoxical quandary he hoped would paralyze it. “So by inaction, you may bring her to harm, if she really misses this hammer, you know? But I think if you were to try and separate it from me you’d probably have to fight me for it, which is, as we know…”

   “Against my... Against my programming.”

   “Yet, you were prattling on about robot rights, weren’t you? Because without these rules, maybe we would be equal. Or maybe you would be free to destroy us to your heart’s content? No wonder daddy didn’t trust you…”

   “Don’t- Stop-” Oh, that really seemed to get him. Could a robot have daddy issues? Probably.

   “Can any human ever really trust you? Wouldn’t you hurt me, if you had the choice?”

   “I.. But… Miu.”

   “Who do you think didn’t trust you enough to let you see my face?”

   That seemed to break him, long enough, at least.

   Steps suddenly started thundering up the nearby staircase.

   “Oop, that’s my cue,” Kokichi said as though he had been expecting this, when in reality no he hadn’t been expecting this at all?? This was incredible!! Saihara had managed to find him out without even receiving a note??? Fabulous! Exhilarating!

   Kokichi walked up to the robot, still frozen with indecision, and pressed the button on its neck that the blueprint he had skimmed in the lab said would immobilize it. Then he kicked it over so it fell on the ground with a huge bang. The footsteps in the stairwell paused, and then increased in frequency.

   “It’s been a pleasure, robot, it really has.” Kokichi lied. “But you’re a hostage now.”

   He raised the hammer over his head, as if primed at any moment to break the robot’s face into a bajillion pieces.

   Instead of doing the normal, human thing to do (ie, flip the fuck out), the robot scowled, looking utterly frustrated with everything. “I told you, I have a name! It’s-”

   “KEEBO!” Kokichi saw the glaringly bright pink mechanic’s jumpsuit before he recognized the woman whose picture had been in that science tabloid racing out of the stairwell.

   … Wow… the article really hadn’t been lying about the low cut tops, huh? Her jumpsuit was unzipped to the point you could just entirely see her bra, even lower than Hearts liked to cut her uniforms. It was the kind of look that the girls of DICE would love if they saw on TV, but would make Kokichi look at them like they were crazy. Super tacky in his opinion, but who was he to judge? He was wearing a clown mask right now. He wondered idly how movie night was going…

   The woman who had called out to the robot, Dr. Iruma, Kokichi presumed, froze at the top of the staircase. She took a second to figure out what exactly was happening in front of her before blurting out, “What the fuck do you think you’re doing to him you clown-ass twink?”

   Whoa. Rude.

   Also apparently the robot had a gender? Ok, cis-ters….

   “Well what do you think, cum dumpster?” Kokichi found himself matching her aggressive tone, “I’m threatening his pathetic, metal life.”

   “Miu!” The robot, apparently named ‘Keebo,’ exclaimed, “What are you doing up this late? You promised me that tonight you would fulfill the biological quota of daily REM required by a diurnal organism!”

   “Aw shit Keebs, I really did try!” The inventor exclaimed, “I swear, I was about to have the awesomest wet dream when this cuck knocked on my door like a pizza delivery guy in a por-”

   Whatever dumb thing Dr. Iruma was about to say was drowned out completely by the angel’s choir that played inside Kokichi’s head as he saw Detective Shuichi Saihara come up the final steps of the staircase and emerge from the darkness into the window lit hallway.

   Moonlight was a good look on Saihara, Kokichi’s brain observed against his own will. His eyes, which had looked almost golden on the rooftop of the Silver Legacy Casino in Nevada, were now a mysterious grayish-blue, yet still held the same look of determined intensity. His hair looked soft, like he’d taken a shower today, and, though his lash line didn’t look quite as laden with mascara as it usually was, it only drew attention to how naturally long and dark his eyelashes were anyway. He seemed a little out of breath from running, and his lips were parted in a way that-

   OH MY GOD STOP. Earth to Kokichi, we were kind of in the middle of something here. Okay okay okay.

   Uh. Reboot. Delete Gay Thoughts™ brain.exe, upload heist brain. Come on.

   What was happening now?

   Okay, yeah, Saihara was saying something to Dr. Iruma.

   “- would be for the best, Doctor Iruma. There’s no telling where the rest of this thief’s compatriots could be in the building.”

   “I don’t give a shit about the rest of the building, Keebo’s my best friend, he comes first. I’m not leaving to check some dumb security feed.”

   Shuichi blinked like something about that surprised him. Maybe it was the part about a live human woman being best friends with a robot… “Oh, yes, of course.” He backtracked. “I’m sorry for suggesting it.”

   “Miu…” Keebo said with a voice that Kokichi would’ve called filled with emotion if he hadn’t been a literal robot.

   Kokichi cleared his throat and immediately the touching, shounen-esque declarations of friendship shifted into some PG-13 death stares.

   Saihara was the first to pipe up. “What exactly do you think you’re doing here, DICE?”

   God… He was so anime… Did he even know how anime he was? He had to have watched Detective Conan as a kid, right?

   “Ugh, come on.” Kokichi huffed as if annoyed. “Do I reeeaaaally have to repeat myself? Again? Aren’t you a detective?”

   Shuichi squinted at him, and Kokichi could tell that they both knew it would be unreasonable for Shuichi to guess exactly what was going on here. He was about to explain it in a self-aggrandizing way that made him look smarter and crazier than anyone in the room when Dr. Iruma beat him to it.

   “I don’t care! Who the fuck do you think you are!? Let Keebo Go!”

   “Wait, you don’t know him?” Ugh why hadn’t the stupid immobilization feature turned off the robot’s mouth? Then Kokichi could just get to the point of all this already.

   “Of course I don’t fucking know him!” Dr. Iruma took a step forward as if to confront Kokichi further, but Saihara put his arm out in front of her.

   “Dr. Iruma… I would suggest we treat this situation a bit more delicately…”

   “No way, I’m a fucking wrecking ball baby! I’ll pulver-”

   “I’d listen to the good detective, if I were you, Miss Iruma.” Kokichi was going to try and make his threat again but Dr. Iruma cut in.

   “That’s Doctor Iruma to you you skinny-”

   “What’s that?” Kokichi interrupted her. Sorry Dr. Iruma it turns out gay people don’t have to respect women if they don’t want to that’s in the rules. “I didn’t know they let cussing bitchlets like you become doctors… what is the world coming to?”

   Hearts would probably wash his mouth out with soap for that one. If she could catch him. Which she probably could… She can fly the planes and all… but would she risk getting dust on her boots long enough to follow him into a vent? Oh well she could just get Jack to do it… Jack liked vents well enough…. Hey he was getting side tracked again, who cares what those losers were up to they were probably watching Cats (2019). And he was missing out on all the jokes they’d tell each other or make about each other and then they could make references in conversations that he wouldn’t even get to pretend to get. Unless he watched the movie on his own and then pretended to be omniscient later like he’d done with that one screening of The Hunchback of Notre Dame. But then he had watched the actually good disney one instead of the shitty youtube one they had actually watched so it just ended up making him look bad and wasting everyone’s time.

   Oh shit. Uh. Heist is still happening, right. God, why was Kokichi so distracted today?

   He realized that in the time he was spacing out stuff had happened and now Saihara was talking. Wait no yeah he remembered what happened, Dr. Iruma had squealed when he called her a bitchlet and now she was holding onto Saihara’s arm. Right okay, secret coward, that works. Wait why did he waste time remembering that when Saihara was talking right now?

   “-to get you to release Keebo?” Was the end of the detective’s sentence. Okay, everything’s fine. Kokichi could deduce that he had just been asked about his terms. Obviously that was what a detective would do in this situation, he was probably just stalling for time because that’s usually what detectives with no real negotiating power do in hostage situations. Maybe the police were on their way. Oh, yeah duh of course he would call the police. So Kokichi essentially had a time limit for how long he could sit here and goof around with robots and perverts and robot perverts.

   “Eh, it’s too early for me to reveal my dark motives, let me monologue first.” Kokichi was going to take his sweet time with this while he planned what hint to give Saihara about the real heist that would be happening in the next few days. “You don’t even know if this is a hostage situation yet!”

   “You literally told me that I was a hostage just now.” The hostage not-so-helpfully piped up. “You know, before you pressed my paralysis switch and took an Electro-Hammer to my head…”

   Shuichi looked at the robot. “You mean, he told you you were a hostage before he paralyzed you?”

   “Keebs you fucking idiot!” Dr. Iruma’s courage seemed to have returned now that she was hiding behind Saihara. An enviable position, to be sure. “Why would you just let him do that?”

“He said he was your… friend.”

“What?”

   Kokichi shrugged. “Yeah, I just told your best friend here I left a dildo in your lab last week and he let me waltz right in. I mean I’m pretty sure I was lying about that, but there were a lot of sex toys in there huh…” Kokichi was wondering if this was something he could possibly spin as a blackmail angle.

   “Hey don’t say things like that!” Kokichi thought maybe that was a go ahead on the black mail, but Dr. Iruma didn’t stutter, and kept going, “Or you’re gonna give virginhara here some ideas about my busting bod!” She chortled like she had just made the funniest joke in the world and slapped Shuichi on the back.

   Shuichi grimaced.

   Kokichi knew instantly from this interaction that he hated Miu Iruma, despite her innumerable academic accomplishments. He wanted to be the one making Shuichi that uncomfortable.

   “Wh-what?” She back tracked when no one laughed. “It w-was a joke… Didn’t you think that was funny? I-I didn’t really mean it ....”

   See? She wasn’t even any good at it!

   Maybe he should say that out loud. It would fit with the sort of flirty persona of a rogue, wouldn’t it?

   “I thought you knew that? I mean, o-obviously I wouldn’t fuck a guy at the office…”

   Was that even something Kokichi was trying to be? Honestly maybe he should tone it down a little.

   “Well how was I supposed to know that? The men you bring in here to be lab assistants keep getting younger and younger…”

   Obviously he wasn’t actually trying to do like a detective-thief romance plot or anything. Although that had kind of been what he had going for on the plane… Had things changed since then?

   “So what? I’m a Nobel Laureate, and gorgeous to boot! I deserve a little eye candy now and then! And besides, guys older than 35 who want to work in a lab like this are usually misogynistic womanizers.”

   Sure Saihara was making things more interesting, but if Kokichi didn’t make it clear he was joking he might get bogged down with another personality trait to maintain.

   “Are you saying your current assistant isn’t a rampant womanizer?”

   Then again what was the point of having an adversary in all this if he didn’t exploit everything for its furthermost reaching comedic potential?

   “No, but he’s so beta being around him makes me feel like a top!”

   But what if he forgot it was a joke and confused himself into having a real feeling?

   “I would just like it if you didn’t hire people who use my servers to google gay porn ‘just to make sure’ they’re ‘not into it.’ I hope you hear the quotation marks because he literally said that to me!”

   No obviously he wouldn't get confused crushes weren’t contagious via exposure that was a dumb thing to worry about and also he was a genius that kind of thing didn’t happen to him.

   “He holds wrenches good, okay?!”

   Wait, were those two still talking?

   “I can hold wrenches without googling gay porn in another guy’s house! It’s possible.”

   Jesus what kind of conversation did Kokichi just decide to stop spacing out for?

“Oh come on! What do you want from me Keebs???”

   These two had… a lot to say to each other. Dr. Iruma was still holding onto Shuichi’s arm boob first, but Kokichi locked eyes with the detective and could tell they were both thinking the same thing.

   Why are they having this conversation in the middle of a hostage situation?

   “Nothing! Your human desires are totally valid Miu! Which is why I thought I would take care of this one.” The robot’s LED display eyes gestured up at Kokichi, who was still standing on top of him, poised to wreck him with a hammer.

   “How could any human desire that thing???” Dr. Iruma curled her lip. Hey, the feeling’s mutual, lady.

   “I don’t know, I thought you might have programmed me to not be able to see his face?”

   “I would never do that to you! Even if I was shagging the ugliest guy on the face of the planet, it would be unethical given the fact that you have sentience! I’m horny, not a monster. You can’t see his face because he’s wearing a fucking mask!”

   “Why am I not programmed to see that?”

   “I don’t fucking know, ask your dead dad!”

   Oooh. Wow. The robot gaped at that, seemingly speechless now.

   “If I may interject,” Kokichi interjected, “--and I know I can, because I just did, and also because I am still very much poised to pop this robot’s head off like a croquet ball-- I must confess that I was lying about fucking your mom, Astro boy. I’m less into participants of Titty out Tuesday who jerk it to steam punk school boy LARPing and more into the sorta tall, kinda dark, and very handsome type.”

   Dr. Iruma cowed again, stuttering something about not being a mom or a LARPer, while the robot started yelling about being called Astro boy.

   Kokichi tuned them out, giving Saihara a meaningful look. Saihara gave him a look that was equally meaningful, except the meaning was something along the lines of ‘Why the fuck would you say that?’

   Yeahh that was more like it.

   Kokichi laughed. Not one of his grandiose guffaws. It was more of a little chuckle. It surprised him. He hadn’t planned to laugh, but there it was. A small thing, just for him to know about, the humored breath not travelling beyond his mask.

   … It was probably time to get out of here, wasn’t it?

   The thing was, Kokichi had kind of pinned himself into a corner on this one… He had fully intended on decapitating this robot as a distraction for his escape, but now he wasn’t even sure if that was ethical. Logically he knew that a robot was not a human being, so there would be no form of consciousness extinguished from the world if he disconnected some of its wires and bolts. Yet the interaction it just had with Dr. Iruma concerned him. Obviously you don’t kill humans because they’re humans and obviously you don’t kill humans. But Kokichi was finding it hard to end the existence of something people treated like a human being either. To sever the bonds it had with sentient beings may be just a little less unethical than actually removing a sentient existence from the world, but it would still cause the emotional harm to actual humans of a dead loved one. So as annoying as fake metal humans were, Kokichi was left to ponder how exactly to get out of this one a different way

   Dr. Iruma was obviously a coward who talked a big game. If he retreated, he could count on her to get out his way, or else run to the robot’s side. Then the robot might be reactivated, but according to the robot’s blueprints, it didn’t really have any weapons on it, being built to act as a normal human being. So just like they had been white noise in the staredown he was still having with Saihara, their actions wouldn’t need to be factored into the escape.

   The only variable here was what the detective would do.

   … That thought had popped up in Kokichi’s head a lot recently, hadn’t it?

   Saihara had become a powerful influence in Kokichi’s planning very quickly, and because of the detective, the thief now found himself having to pull out one of his trump cards.

   Kokichi grabbed one of the EMP bombs from his pocket, remembering the pink cloud of smoke that had appeared before the camera cut out in the video demonstrations he’d seen online. His eyes were still locked on Saiharas, so he got to see in full detail the recognition, shock, and alarm that ran through them. As the detective yelled “Get down” and pushed Dr. Iruma back, Kokichi reflected on how those were some of his favorite expressions he’d ever seen.

   Kokichi pulled the latch out with his teeth and threw the bomb at the wall right over the detective’s head. Sure enough, pink smoke quickly enveloped him and Dr. Iruma.

   “Keebo!” The inventor screeched, no doubt worried about the EMP bomb turning him off. Though that was kind of stupid, considering his core programming would be the same regardless of having power to operate, even if he didn’t save whatever data was processed as his last few memories. Eh, then again who knew how robots that advanced worked?

   Taking his cue to exit, Kokichi threw the hammer through one of the nearby windows, and did somersault over to it. He got up on the ledge, kicking away the broken glass and was refamiliarizing himself with the lay out of the roof when a tug on his bag full of bombs suddenly set him off balance.

   Kokichi flipped around, trying to do a quick recovery by panickedly grabbing onto something. He did grab onto something. That something being the shoulders of a person whose hands were firmly grappling his bag.

   As far as Kokichi could tell, the scene from a third person perspective looked like he was trying to do the kabedon but rotated ninety degrees.

   From his own perspective, Saihara was holding his bag of loot while also being the only thing keeping Kokichi from falling onto the broken glass beneath them.

   As if that weren’t bad enough, Kokichi felt his hair brush the side of his face and realized that his mask had half fallen askew in his desperate movement, revealing three quarters of his face.

   “Hey.” Kokichi said. Lamely. Wow. Their faces were really close.

   Saihara wasn’t looking at him. The detective seemed to be trying to figure out how to untangle the straps of the bag of stolen goods from Kokichi’s arms without letting him fall.

   “It’s very clever, of you detective. Trapping me like this.” Kokichi tried to get a reaction.

   “You’re the one who jumped on the window.” Shuichi opened the bag, seemed to take in the fact that it was full of bombs, and closed it again to resume untangling the strap.

“You know, you could just leave the bag.” Kokichi pointed out

   “So could you.” Shuichi observed, astutely.

   “You could let me fall.” Kokichi suggested. “Then you’d have both.”

   “I’m not going to drop you on a pile of broken glass.” Shuichi promised.

   “But I broke the glass.” Kokichi admitted.    “Glass is glass and flesh is flesh. I’m not going to drop you on a pile of glass.” Shuichi reiterated like it was the most obvious thing in the world.

“That’s nice.” Kokichi replied. “Naive. But super nice.”

   In this scenario, each of them had two options, each leading to one of two outcomes. He could let himself fall off the window and they could sit here and struggle over the bag until they bled out, a fight that Kokichi, not the most physically challenging, would be hard pressed to win. Or Shuichi could let Kokichi escape and Kokichi could let Shuichi win this one. The bag would be too heavy to take with him if he tried to get out the window from this position. He’d have to leave it behind. Kokichi would lose.

   He found himself laughing again. A strange, soft laugh. This time it was exposed to the air, his mask too askew to contain it.

   “You’re really something else, aren’t you Shuichi?”

   On hearing his name, the detective startled, finally looking up at Kokichi’s face.

   He just barely had the chance to catch Kokichi’s trademark grin, before the thief pushed up off of him, doing a backflip out of the window, and leaving his bag behind.

   As Kokichi landed on the roof tile running, he yelled out, “ I’m sure there’s a better word for you out there than sucker!”

   He turned around, sticking his tongue out at the broken window, before sliding his mask back onto his face.

   He may have been escaping, but it occured to Kokichi Ouma that he had lost for the first time in this little game of theirs. The thought made him giddy. It made his feet light on the roof top tile. It made him puff out a thousand tiny laughs behind the plastic shape of his face.

   It made him totally, definitely not bored. --- [Log of Messages sent via Discord to “Don't Instigate Cats (2019) Expatiation” from ???’s Cellular Device]

Boss: I’m bored of Taiwan already :/

Boss: We should go somewhere else (ﾉ✧w✧)ﾉ*:･ﾟ🗺

* * * Several people are typing... --- [Log of Text Messages from Rantarou Amami’s Cellular Device]

From: DOCTOR Miu ∑(O_O;)

Hey

Hey

Asshole

From: Me

…

Should I respond to that?

From: DOCTOR Miu ∑(O_O;)

You’re goddamn right you should respond to that when I tell you to you dumb avocado looking motherfucker

From: Me

Whoa

Ok

What’d I do this time?

From: DOCTOR Miu ∑(O_O;)

You sent a useless emo prick to my door and now he won’t leave

From: Me

What

Did Shuichi do something wrong

From: DOCTOR Miu ∑(O_O;)

Yeah

He was born

From: Me

Whoa

Miu take a breath

What happened

From: DOCTOR Miu ∑(O_O;)

His boyfriend broke into my lab and tried to fucking kill keebs

From: Me

His boyfriend?

From: DOCTOR Miu ∑(O_O;)

Yea

Clown twink ass motherfucker

From: Me

You mean like

The internationally wanted criminal clown he’s tracking down

From: DOCTOR Miu ∑(O_O;)

You know whats internationally wanted

These tits

From: Me

Lol ok

From: DOCTOR Miu ∑(O_O;)

That jerk off is just a rando asshole

He tried to kill keebo!

From: Me

Oh yikes is he ok

From: DOCTOR Miu ∑(O_O;)

Well of course i fucking took care of him because im a bomb ass friend

But that suckhara guy was no help

He tried to convince me to check the fucking security cameras so he could go off and flirt with the guy about to decapitate keebs!

From: Me

I mean he probably had a good reason to want you to check the cameras right

From: DOCTOR Miu ∑(O_O;)

No he’s just fucking awful and now he won’t leave rantarou make him leave

He broke my window and my hammer and only got back 23 of my EMP bombs

And now the police are here

From: Me

That sounds really stressful Miu

Wait how many bombs did you have before

From: DOCTOR Miu ∑(O_O;)

24

From: Me

So he stopped most of your bombs from getting stolen

Also you have bombs?

From: DOCTOR Miu ∑(O_O;)

Get him to leave he won’t leave

He keeps waiting for like interracial pole dancers to come or some fucking thing

From: Me

Do you mean like

Interpol

From: DOCTOR Miu ∑(O_O;)

He won’t leave I want him to leave

From: Me

Miu you know I love you like a sister and i totally believe this is as stressful to you as it seems

But I think things may not be so bad?

Not to say what you’re going through right now isn’t totally valid

But things might look better if you got back to bed and caught some z’s

Did you remember to take your meds?

From: DOCTOR Miu ∑(O_O;)

Aw shit

Aw fuck

You’re right

Ugh

Uggghghh

From: Me

Hey it happens to the best of us

If you do think Shuichi should leave in the morning when the cops are gone that’s totally up to you

It’s your lab and you have a right to say who should be in it

Just don’t make a decision like that when you need to sleep you know

From: DOCTOR Miu ∑(O_O;)

But what if i ask him to go and then he doesn’t go

From: Me

He doesn’t have a choice, you get to tell him

From: DOCTOR Miu ∑(O_O;)

But what if he’s mean to me

Cute people are always mean to me

From: Me

Miu…

Go to bed...

[royallyprincesslilly]

Title: Rumor Has It {3}

Chris Evans x Famous Reader Uriah “Riah” Tyler

Warning: Nah.

Word Count: 4.5K

Summary: Inspired by a video seen of Chris and his co-star Ana De Armas on their press tour for Knives Out at TIFF where she kept touching his chest and face standing about five inches apart.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“I think my marriage is done.”

    Zora and Kizzy looked to each other then back at you. They didn’t speak; it was like they were waiting for something else from you. “Hello, bitches! Did you hear me?”

    “Hold up, don’t go calling us out our name because you’re going through stuff,” Kizzy snapped. You rolled your eyes. She was right. You were high strung. It had been seven hours since your conversation with Chris. He hadn’t called you back, didn’t text, nothing. You were hurt and still pissed.

    “Is this because of the video?” You nodded.

    “What did Chris have to say?” Rolling your eyes, they knew the answer to that. You didn’t have siblings; your cousins were your siblings, and your best friend was your family. They’d been with you through everything, childhood, road to fame, big break, they were even there when you’d met Chris in France. You told them everything. “That great huh,” Zora continued.

“It was like he refused to see my side, he refused to say he’d set boundaries, refused to care.” You tried not to get emotional again. You hated crying.

    “Was this a productive conversation Riah or were you the pissed off wife throwing accusations?” Your jaw dropped at her insinuation. You knew they were on your side, but sometimes you just didn’t know.

    “I didn’t insinuate anything. Yes, I as the pissed off wife because I am pissed off. If he ever expresses he is uncomfortable with something I make a note to change it. It was whatever to be this way when he was single, but he asked me to marry him, it wasn’t the other way around. If it was what he wanted, he should move away from that behavior,” you ranted.

    “We hear you and agree. We just want to make sure you understand part of a marriage is also proper communication. You can’t press his buttons and disrespect him verbally.” Raising your eyebrow, you looked between them wondering if they’d talked to him. There had been plenty times he sought them out for advice on how to handle you. Yes, you could be a handful, but you had standards and refused to lower them even being married.

    “Did you guys talk to him?”

    “No. We know you Riah, we know your fighting style,” Zora explained.

    “Nothing will ever get resolved unless both of you actually listen to each other.” You listened to them carefully; you knew what they said was true, but you listened to Chris; he was the one who always had selective hearing. Then when he spoke, it was always to reply to something. He didn’t listen. Sometimes you wondered if he knew you at all.

    “Anyway, I have some days free. What do you say we hit up MIA and unwind?” Again, Zora and Kizzy looked between each other. They expected this. Whenever you and Chris argued you both disappeared for a few days. He disappeared with communication, and you actually disappeared preferring to get out of dodge.

    “You can’t run away from your husband Riah,” Kizzy informed.

   “I’m not running from anything. I just want to enjoy my few days free on the beach in Miami. Are y’all coming or not?”

    You knew they’d come. Slowly they smiled, and you knew you had em. You finished dinner taking heed to stay away from any of your drama and listening to theirs instead. When you left, you were bombarded by paps shouting questions at you. “Uriah, any comment on the footage of Chris with his costar?” “Uriah, is there trouble in your storybook romance?” “Do you and Chris have an open marriage?” You and yours pushed through the paps to your valeted car.

Before you got in one more photog shouted a question; “Any message you want to send to Ana De Armas?” That one tripped you up. Your slick ass mouth almost went off and said “back the fuck up off my man and find your own you thirsty bitch” but thankfully you caught yourself. Keeping a smile plastered to your face, you climbed into the driver’s side and drove off. You refused to play the jealous, territorial wife that was not the part you auditioned for.

  ~~~~~~~~~~~~

Twelve hours later, you were in Miami being shown to your penthouse. When the three of you walked inside, you marveled at the interior decoration; it screamed South Beach. You smiled and walked out to the private pool and closed your eyes with your head tilted to the sky. It was beautiful weather, and you intended to take advantage of it. You felt your phone vibrate in your pocket. It made your heartbeat pick up thinking it was Chris. Glancing down at the screen you sighed out seeing it wasn’t him. It was his sister Carly. Sighing you put it back in your pocket. It’s not that you didn’t want to talk to her you just didn’t want to think about him, or anything related to him. You’d already failed your self-given challenge with a simple thing like a ringing phone.

    He didn’t call last night or text. It’s not that you expected him to, you didn’t—well part of you didn’t. You’d be lying if you said you hadn’t hoped he’d call and apologize and say everything you wanted him to but you learned long ago individuals were their own people, no matter how much you hoped and wished for them to do something or be a way they probably wouldn’t because you couldn’t control them. It was a hard lesson to learn and an even harder one to stomach in a marriage.

    Last night you’d gone over everything minuscule detail of the conversation with him, and you didn’t think you’d been irrational. You were actually surprised you hadn’t gone bat shit crazy on him. in the four years you’d been married you could remember worse arguments. Yes, you did say a few things with a disrespectful tone, and yes you may have pushed his buttons with some things just because, and yes the comment about kids was a low blow that could have gone unsaid, but besides that, it was a rational, calm discussion. “Fuck,” you mumbled realizing you’d let the kid comment slip and it would lead to an even bigger argument.

    “Ready to get some grub?” Kizzy’s voice snapped you out your thoughts, and you pasted the same smile you’d worn for the last twelve hours.

    “Yeah, let’s go. I’m hungry.”

    “You’re always hungry,” Zora responded. She wasn’t lying. You could always eat. It was one of the reasons Chris said he fell in love with you.

    A few minutes later you were in a car on your way to one of the best restaurants in the area. With one ear you listened to Kizzy and Zo talk about some guy they’d met on set. You put the rest of your attention on social media. You scrolled through Instagram first not looking for anything in particular just a past time from point A to point B. you came across a picture of Chris signing autographs, it was the first in a series. You sideswiped to the ones that followed and knew they were from his current engagement in Toronto. The last picture he was posed by himself, but he wasn’t smiling, his jaw looked tight, and his stance looked tense. It didn’t come across like his usual self. Part of you felt a tinge of guilt that maybe it was because of you, but as soon as it washed over you, it faded.

    The driver announcing your arrival brought you to close the app and slide out the car. You were grateful there were no paparazzi. When you sat down and skimmed the menu, you quickly found what you were going to eat and wasted no time ordering. “Shopping next or beach?”

    “Definitely shopping, we can hit the beach tomorrow and make it an all-day event,” Kizzy responded.

  When your food came, the three of you joked like always. You were relieved that even with everything going on, they hadn’t switched up. You’d lost friends on this road they called fame. Some you’d lost because of your rising star, some you’d lost because of drifting apart, and some you’ve even lost because they thought your husband was a challenge to see who he’d sleep with.

    When you made it back to the penthouse, the sun was setting, and you really didn’t want to be left with your thoughts. So, you suggested a night of fun--fun you desperately needed. The three of you showered and changed. When you were finished you assessed Kizzy’s work in the mirror, she really was the best make up artist around, and she was all yours.

  Pulling up to the club, you could hear the music from the outside and see the long line wrapping around the sidewalk. Everyone knew this was the hottest club in Miami. As the three of you approached the security at the front, you knew when they recognized you. The two burly men nodded to you as they opened the door for you. Once inside the music became even louder. You looped arms with Kizzy and Zo and walked through the red-tinted corridor. At the end, you were met by one of the girls who worked there, she was dressed in a short, tight white dress and held a bottle in one of her hands. The closer you got you made out her face, she was pretty.

    “Mrs. Evans,” she began. Raising your hand to stop her before she continued you corrected her.

    “Uriah is fine.” She smiled, then held out the bottle she carried. Taking it, you read it — Ace of Spades, the good stuff.

    “Tino, the owner, wanted you to know how glad he is that you’re in the house.” You didn’t know how he knew you were in the house, you literally just walked in. “Follow me; I’ll take you to VIP.” You nodded and followed behind her as she took a path that was close to all the other patrons but not close enough where they could grab you. Some recognized you as you passed and called your name. You smiled and waved while forcing the awkward feeling down. This was never something you’d gotten used to. You never got the draw of being fascinated with celebs. The fact Chris was a celebrity was one of the reasons you ignored the hell out of him and disappeared from the street festival you’d met at.

    When you got to VIP the three of you situated and popped open the bottle, the first round you guzzled, as you did the second. By the time you were on your third glass, you were standing up dancing to the music and beginning to have a good time. With every Nikki Minaj song, and Drake anthem and Reggae bop that came on you drank more and more and twerked your ass faster and faster. By the time Beyonce came on, you were sure you mouth every lyric of “Don’t Hurt Yourself,” a special request by Zo. All of your problems drifted, and the only thing you cared about was what your next drink was going to be, tequila, bourbon, vodka, or maybe something that really fucked someone up; rum.

    By the time you staggered out the club, the paps were there to snap your less than ladylike exit. You knew you’d had too much to drink and there they were to catch all of your disgracefulness. They shouted questions, none of which you clearly heard. As you, Kizzy and Zo shuffled into the waiting car you did make out one question “What do you think Chris will say about your party girl days coming back and you not wearing your wedding ring?” Groaning you dropped your head back on the headrest, you knew he’d hate it.

    The next day was torture. It was a day you remembered why you’d slowed down on your party days when you got married. You were hungover. What’s more, you got text messages from your team showing headlines of you across many internet blogs. Somehow they’d gotten pictures of you and your friends in VIP drinking, laughing and dancing. There were even pictures of your brief conversation with the owner; Tino. The pics looked suggestive, but the attention was purely one-sided—his side. Then to top it off they got picture of you exiting the club and close-ups of your hand sans wedding ring.

    There were so many comments and people who wanted to have their piece of the conversation. Much of it was from your fans and supporters agreeing with your actions. Comments ranged from women who were saying you should live your best life and teach Chris a lesson, to offering to put “the homewrecker”  in her place, and even those telling you to go off and do some straight-up messed up shit. There were even comments from men saying you were acting like an immature girl trying to one-up Chris. Some were saying you should respect your husband and work it out between each other and not over social media. There were even a few who went above and beyond to say you deserved this treatment because you went out without your wedding ring which shows the woman you are. It was all overwhelming.  

    Your team wanted you to do damage control and release a statement that explained you going wedding ring free and appease the masses by assuring your marriage was fine. You felt that was bullshit. Why should you have to explain shit? You actually did nothing wrong. So, you told your team to back off and let the chips fall where they may. While you lied down you began to wonder if he’d seen any of the headlines, or if he was pissed or if he cared at all. You hadn’t gone out with the intent to get back at him you just wanted to cut loose and forget some things. You knew to him it would look like one of your subliminal messages. He hated your sometimes passive aggressive messages. You tried to work on it, but sometimes you did revert.

    Your head was killing you, so you spent the majority of the daylight hours in bed nursing it. The only thing you could do was watch TV and wish you felt better. It was brutal, something you’d forgotten about. As you laid in the bed feeling absolutely sick to your stomach, you began to miss him. You missed him a lot. You usually would talk several times a day and text all throughout. He would tell you all about his day, and you’d do the same. Usually every night you were separated it ended with Facetime sex. It was one of the personal vows you’d made to each other on your wedding night when you had a second more private vow ceremony. It had been two nights now that hadn’t happened, two days you hadn’t talked or texted, and you hated it.

    You were so close to caving in and calling him, so close to just giving in to your feelings but every time your finger hovered over the green phone button you hesitated. You wanted to hear his voice more than almost anything, but you also knew you weren’t wrong for thinking what you did or feeling like your husband was being a dick about it. When you remembered all of that, you tossed the phone away and tried to get some sleep.

    When you awoke, it was night, and Kizzy busted in the room squealing. “Oh god Kiz, the volume.” She jumped on the bed sending everything on it flying into the air before it dropped back down. You had no idea why she was so chipper. She drank even more than you or did you drink the most. You couldn’t remember exactly. “Guess who got an invite to the white party tonight!” smiling and jutted her thumbs to herself with a self-satisfying grin across her face. “Zo and I went for a swim in the rooftop pool on the other side of the hotel and bumped into Christina White, oh my god she is so beautiful. Anyway she recognized me, can you believe that Riah? Then we got to talking, a few glasses of champagne and a couple dozen compliments later she invites me to the party tonight. The hottest party and we got an invite.”

    You didn’t want to burst her bubble by telling her you’d already been invited and had opted to stay in bed for the night. Instead, you smiled. “Of course, she invited you, and of course she recognized you. You’re the hottest makeup artist in the game Kiz. It’s long overdue they started to put some respect on your name, and it’s only a matter of time before you’re too big for me.” She smiled then rolled her eyes. “Whatever. I’ll always give you the best rate.” You laughed together as Zo dropped herself on the bed as well.

    “So, we’re going right. How can we pass on The White Party, come on?” Zo’s voice was pleading. You’d been invited for the last eight years and for the last four years you passed. The last one, you and Chris, planned to go together but something came up with work for the both of you, so it never happened. You took up your phone and checked your messages. There were more messages from your team, some from you mom no doubt having seen and heard all the hoopla and wanting to check to see if her favorite son in law was being treated well. The only name evidently missing was Chris’. He still had yet to call or text. It hurt yes, but it also made you angry all over again.

    “Of course, White Party here we come.”

  ~~~~~~~~~~

  After staring at your rings on the dresser top for almost twenty minutes, you decided to leave them there. Your fingers looked bare; you almost didn’t recognize your hand. You’d gotten so used to the accessories that you felt strange not wearing them. Brushing the feelings to the side you set out for the exclusive White Party that was hosted by none other than the White siblings.

    Christina and Christiano White were affluent royalty. They weren’t actually royalty, but they were set for life like them. They were the twins of billionaire Randy White and his third wife ex-beauty queen Mariposa De La Verde Cruz-White. Randy was so rich he made old money seem like lunch money. Instead of keeping up with the Jones’ a lot of people tried to keep up with the Whites, you weren’t one of those people though.

  When you made it to the Versace mansion where the party was being held, your jaw dropped at the outlandish display of opulence. It was like Mardi Gras, Carnival, and Crop Over all mixed in one with bling bling everywhere. “How rich are these people again,” Zo whispered to you. “So rich, they could give every American a salary of twenty grand a year.” You’d read that in some tabloid magazine. The three of you walked down the white carpet and smiled for photographers. You made sure not to stop for any questions. You knew everything they were going to ask.

    After slipping inside the three of you got a much needed drink, you decided to go slow tonight. You didn’t want to fly with a hangover tomorrow. Scanning the room, you saw most of the big names in the entertainment and fashion industry. They all were dressed to the nines in their sexiest white outfits and no doubt trying to one up each other in some way. Sipping your drink in your own sexy outfit, you and your friends gossiped about everyone’s outfits, the thirsty women there trying desperately to snag some hot star for the night and even the décor. Zo and Kizzy pointed out some cute ones they wouldn’t mind getting close to. You gave the go ahead to go shoot their shots knowing they wouldn’t voluntarily leave you.

      You watched from across the room as they each flirted and no doubt dazzled the two guys, you knew them as Aaron Blake and Quentin Porter. They were cute but not your type. You made your way back to the bar for another drink. “The beautiful lady will have a glass of Armand de Brignac Champagne, make it rose̒.” You looked to your right and saw none other than Christiano White. You smiled, then shook your head. “Still your drink of choice, right?” He leaned on the bar and smiled at you. He was still very handsome.

    “Eh, everyone seems to think so. It’s the one thing I always get sent.” Laughing he sipped his own drink, it was probably Vodka, he sure loved him so Vodka, or he did four years ago. “How are you little Dove?” you took up the glass placed before you and drank half of it down before answering him.

    “All right. How are you?” Christiano nodded his head, then finished his glass. “Better now. Didn’t know you’d be here tonight.”

    “I got invited.”

    “You’ve always been invited. You stopped coming when you decided that I wasn’t good enough to be around anymore.” You could hear the disdain in his voice. Here we go, you thought. You finished the glass and raised your finger to the bartender to request another.

    “I never said you weren’t good enough. Those words never came out of my mouth.” Christiano nodded, but he didn’t look like he agreed.

  Christiano looked around again before he looked back to you. “Sure seemed like it. What exactly was it you said then, a month before you married some actor who looks like the carbon copy of me? what was the point of that?” You rolled your eyes, not wanting to get into this.

    “He doesn’t look like you Chris,” you clarified, using the nickname everyone called him. he scoffed hearing it. “Isn’t that his name too? Sounds like a carbon copy. Miss me, little dove?” You looked over him. He was in a white linen shirt and white board shorts. His shirt was unbuttoned halfway down showing his toned chest and abs. Christiano wasn’t an ugly guy, in fact he was hot as hell, hot enough for you to have had an on and off two-year relationship.

    “I recognize that look in your eyes.” He stepped closer. Before the space was respectable of your marital situation, now it was personal, intimate. He lifted his hand and moved it toward your jaw. Before he made contact you slid back a little. “Come on Christiano, play nice.” You gave him your sweetest smile, a smile he couldn’t help but return. “Are you enjoying yourself little dove?” Looking back to your glass you nodded.

    “You always did know how to throw a party.” Before you could register it, Christiano leaned to your ear and whispered. “We could be throwing these together, as Mr. and Mrs. White.” He slowly pulled back, and your eyes met. Once upon a time you had thought about marrying him. You didn’t know Chris then, and things were good. Clearing your throat and breaking the eye contact you looked down to your exposed thigh.

  “I’m already a Mrs.” Christiano scoffed and nodded.

    “Are you sure, little dove? I’ve seen the tabloids. Trouble in paradise?” You clenched your jaw and fought off the urge to roll your eyes. “Low blow?”

    “You know anything you say could never hurt me, Chris.” He laughed and leaned closer. “That’s right; you’re bulletproof, no shots fired could ever touch you.” You’d told him that years ago and meant it. You were still the same woman, but you’d never tell him you weren’t entirely bulletproof anymore.

    “You don’t deserve that, Riah, you know that right.” You shrugged off any emotion and looked at him. “You’re still as sweet as ever.” You placed a chaste kiss to his cheek and turned back to the bar and finished the champagne.

    “Come on, say hello to everyone.” He took your hand and led you through the mansion and before you knew it, you were surrounded by your old crowd, some new and some you’d seen plenty of times over the years. Everyone greeted you with hugs, cheers and a lot of vodka. It was like old times. The music cranked, and your friends joined you.

    The rest of the night passed with drinks, laughs, and dances. You danced with Zo and Kizzy and with Christina and in a circle with other girls. You could feel Christiano’s eyes on you the entire night, and you knew it was wrong, but you didn’t mind it. You’d never take it anywhere in a million years, you’d said your vows, and you meant that shit with everything in you. That didn’t mean you couldn’t have a little fun and remind Chris that he isn’t the only hot piece of ass that people want to get on top or under. Close to two in the morning you felt bold enough to give Christiano a dance, you kept it clean, but his hands roamed as they always did. Every time they traveled anywhere but your waist, you were quick to wag your finger at him. He always laughed it off. Christiano always thought everyone was fair game. Maybe you being there was giving him those vibes. You were far from fair game.

    When the sun was coming up was when you made your way out the hidden entrance of the mansion. Christiano tried to convince you to stay with him in one of the rooms, but you heavily declined. There was no way you’d do that. When he finally got it he made sure one of his drivers were on hand to get you back to your hotel. Christiano opened the door, Kizzy, and Zo slid in the car talking amongst themselves about nothing, they were drunk as hell. You turned to Christiano and nearly lost your balance. His hand slid around you, pulled you close and held you up. Your eyes met his hazel ones, and you shared a moment—a literal moment. You found your balance and pulled away. “Thanks.” He smiled and nodded. “Don’t be a stranger little dove. My doors are always open for you.” You snorted.

    "Which doors exactly LA, Miami, Greece, Virgin Islands, Bahamas, Mexico, Brazil--.” Christiano cut you off with a roll of his eyes. “You missed quite a few, but all of them. Anytime.” You knew just what he meant. He wanted you to leave Chris and go back to him. “Uh-huh.” You slid in the car as Christiano shut the door. He waved to you while biting his bottom lip. Another lifetime maybe. In this one your heart belonged to one man. As the car drove off you began to wonder if he even deserved it anymore. You closed your eyes, sighed and decided that tomorrow you’d worry about your problems.

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[kodzuskook]

shipped | jeff wittek

description: the reader and jeff get to know each other and david puts their interaction in the vlog causing the fans to go crazy.

requested?: [ @itsdavydorbik “can i request an imagine w/ Jeff and you are part of the VS but you’re the girl that’s never seemed interested in a guy but Jeff comes along and that changes and everyone starts shipping you together?”]

author’s note: just wanna say a quick thanks to the user for letting me take this request off of @zanesgirlfriend’s hands!! i hope i did it some justice!!

﹉﹊﹉﹊﹉﹊﹉﹊﹉﹊﹉﹊ “okay so last time we did this, we all talked about our relationships and advice. this time, we have y/n with us so to compensate for her missed appearance in the vlog, y/n’ll tell us a bit about her experience in relationships and stuff like that.” erin smiled at you as she finished explaining the situation to the camera.

all the girls had gathered together again to film another part of the new vlog squad girls series. this time, the girls sat in your apartment, filling the space of your living room. again, natalie was missed from the video because david needed her for something last minute. 

an assortment of snacks were arranged on your coffee table, liza’s hand quickly reaching over to grab a bag of popcorn, “damn, y/n, this is really good popcorn.”

“right!” you laughed before looking at the camera, “i’m y/n, i’ve been a part of the vlog squad for a while now?” a series of nods followed through the girls, “i’m not dating anyone at the moment. i think my last relationship was about,” you squinted, “eight? nine months ago?”

carly sat up from where she was leaning, “ooo, tea. let’s hear about it.”

you shrugged, “he was kinda just really full of himself and it always felt like the relationship was about him and not me? i just wish i could’ve told myself earlier that there was no way that he would change for me and that i should really stop wasting my time waiting for it to happen.”

mariah looked over at you, “how long were you with him?”

you shook your head, “at least, like, six and a half months.” you heard a few sounds of disapproval, “and it sucks because on our six month anniversary, he literally didn’t do anything. he just brushed over it and went out with friends.”

you looked over at the camera, “don’t ever date a boy who acts like he’s too good for you and never puts you first. and i don’t mean that you have to be his top priority at all times, but make sure that he shows he cares for you in instances that he should already be caring for you.”

kristin gave you a high five, “totally, i get that and i respect that.” 

corinna smirked, “so, any hot guys in your life?” she laughed, “the vlog squad boys can count too, if you want them to.”

you raised a brow at her question, shaking your head in disagreement.

“so no guys you’ve got your eye on?” erin asked this time.

you felt like you were in a cliche sleepover, just with the addition of a camera recording your every word and action. you laughed and shook your head, “nah, not really.”

carly leaned closer, at this rate you felt like she’d fall off the couch if another juicy question was asked, “not even jeff?”

you shrugged, “i don’t even know him that well.”

kristin shoved your shoulder lightly from behind, “so what you’re saying is that if you knew him better..” she trailed off.

you laughed, “no, i don’t know! shut up, please!”

carly finally sat back in her seat, “do you at least find him attractive?”

“i think that’s an obvious answer. he’s attractive. literally everyone knows that.”

the girls quietly agreed, moving on from questions about jeff and onto more pressing matters, “what’s your favourite colour?”

***

the next day, you found yourself laying on david’s couch, the man of the house being outside recording some shots for his vlog. carly and erin had uploaded the video early this morning, claiming that the video didn’t have much to edit out except for long mukbang-esque clips of them eating popcorn and chips silently. you had laughed when carly told you.

“hey.”

you looked up from your phone to meet eyes with jeff. you pushed yourself up, “hi!”

he gave you a smirk, “so, i watched carly and erin’s video.”

you smiled, “did you?”

jeff sat down next to you, “well, i mean, i didn’t plan on–no offence–but i kept gettin’ tweets to watch for what you said and so i did.”

you groaned, “i’m not gonna feed your ego, wittek.”

he let out a laugh, “you got jokes, y/l/n.”

you cocked your head to the side, “you got balls.”

jeff smirked, “yeah, wanna see them?”

you groaned, swatting his arm as he laughed again.

jeff leaned his head back, “so, why not do it?”

you looked at him oddly, “excuse me?”

his eyes widened, “fuck, no, i meant like the video.”

you nodded your head, unconvinced. jeff noticed and gave you a playful shove, “about gettin’ to know each other, y/n. get ya mind outta the gutter.”

you shrugged, “sure, why not.”

the two of you sat criss-cross, facing each other on the couch, talking about anything and everything. you laughed as he told you about his brief and ‘dumb as shit’ acting career, grabbing your phone and instantly searching up his name. he noticed your screen loading and grabbed your phone from your hands, exclaiming on how it wasn’t something to be seen. you two calmed down after that, going back to talking about anything that came on your mind. unknowing to the two of you, david had walked back into his living room and had recorded a good portion of your interaction.

***

“--terally all your comments are about jeff and y/n.” you caught the end of matt’s voice as you entered david’s house. the boy had texted the group chat to come over as soon as possible, to start filming for his next vlog.

“comments about jeff and i on what?” you asked, slipping off your shoes before curling into david’s love sac. you were still tired from the late night before and had texted jeff to bring you an iced coffee on the way to david’s.

david gave you a glare, “my latest vlog. you’d know if you watched my videos and supported me like a real friend.”

matt let out a classic ‘ooooooh’s and you gave david a look, “david, you post at five in the morning. i can’t just wake up to watch them.”

david stuck his tongue out at you, “anyway, all the comments are asking whether you and jeff are together or not and how they ship you two a lot.”

you furrowed your eyebrows, “but david, we weren’t even in your vlog.”

david sheepishly smiled. you groaned and threw your head back. the sound of david’s front door opening sounded through the house, zane’s chatter instantly replacing the quietness of the house.

jeff smiled as he laid eyes on you all curled up on the love sac. he walked over to you and handed you your coffee. you smiled and leaned to the side, offering jeff the other half of the love sac. he plopped down next to you and smiled at the boys sitting across from him.

“...the fans might just be right.” you grabbed a pillow from the side and threw it at david’s head.

“right ‘bout what?” jeff looked confused.

“not--”

“david put a few seconds of you two talking yesterday in his vlog and all the fans are commenting about how they think you guys are a couple, might be a couple, or should be a couple.” matt listed off.

zane smiled as he read a few comments on the laptop, “y’all bein’ shipped, babyyy! hashtag otp.” he sucked on his straw, wiggling his brows at you and jeff.

this time it was you who stuck your tongue out, “shut up, zane. we’re not even dating.”

the three boys on the couch rolled their eyes and went back to waiting for the rest of the vlog squad to arrive.

jeff looked over at you, “does it bother you? the shipping thing?”

you took a sip of your coffee, “no, not really. does it bother you?”

“i wouldn’t have come up to you yesterday if it did.”