#man i kinda wanna play again just for the nostalgia but my phone is at max storage 😭😭😭

[moss-feratu]

PAINWHEEL MAIN 🤝

I also play a lot of valentine. When I played regularly

AYYY PAINWHEEL MAIN 🤝

I also mained Fillia and Peacock but Painwheel was my main girl, I fucking KILLED in pvp with her

[sugarmaplewings-fics]

Flower Crowns

Pairing: Bakugou x reader

Warnings: Cursing (I bet you have no idea why)

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You chewed on your lip, glancing down at the contact photo of your boyfriend, who cockily smirked up at you from your phone. An idea had crossed your mind as you laid on your bed, bored out of your mind in your room.

"Screw it," you muttered to yourself.

You tapped on the text box and asked him the question that had been on your mind for the past five minutes.

You rolled your eyes at his response to you as you swung your feet over the side of your bed. It was the middle of summer and you made sure you took advantage of the heat as an excuse to wear minimal clothing around your boyfriend. Today that meant denim booty shorts and a flattering white tank top.

You made your way out the door with only your phone and a picnic blanket, walking to the park that was located a few blocks away from your house. When you arrived, you laid out your blanket a few meters away from a little playground. It was a gorgeous day out, so you weren't surprised to see a couple of kids running around the equipment, some bored parents accompanying them by sitting on benches positioned in the shade.

You sat down on your blanket, leaning back on your hands as you basked in the mottled sunlight under a tree, patterns of shadows flickering across your legs and chest. While you waited for your boyfriend, who lived considerably further from the park, you watched the children play. As they laughed, you remembered yourself playing on the very same playground with some of your friends you'd had in elementary school. The sudden sense of cold, bittersweet nostalgia filled your senses, shocking you by making your chest tighten a bit.

Where has the time gone . . . ?

A strong hand gripped your bare shoulder, violently jarring you from your thoughts. You twisted yourself around to see Katsuki Bakugou bending over you, his face neutral as he looked down at you.

"Katsuki!" you breathed out, lifting a hand to clutch your chest. "Geez, you startled me."

He smirked at you, flashing his gums before plopping himself down beside you. "Jumpy today, aren't we?" He leaned over and kissed your cheek, a light scent of smoke and caramel greeting your nose.

"Well, maybe next time don't sneak up on me when I'm alone." You dropped the issue, letting your face relax into a light smile as you let yourself fall backward onto the blanket. Katsuki's eyes roved over you as you laid there, watching him back as you enjoyed the feeling of the grass poking your legs and back through the thin blanket. Bakugou was wearing his usual blank tank top with loose-fitting cargo shorts, which you appreciated.

You inhaled the fresh air, thoroughly delighted to be outside on a day like today, allowing your eyes to close.

"So are you going to do your girly crafty shit or are we just going to sit here?"

You sighed, sitting up. "I was enjoying the day. Do you ever stop and just appreciate nature?"

Bakugou glanced around himself, taking a moment to glare at the kids over on the playset. "Don't usually have time for it."

"Well now is a perfect time." You stood, stretching. "It's summer break, man. You don't have to spend every minute of every day training to become a hero."

Bakugou rolled his eyes, watching you as you stretched your arms and puffed out your chest above him. "So what am I supposed to do while you put flowers in your hair or whatever?"

You ignored the teasing tone of his voice, just bordering on mean. You jutted out your hip, resting a hand on it. "You didn't have to come. I just wanted to spend time with you. Besides, doing everything alone is boring."

Bakugou tched, turning his head to the side.

"What?" you asked. "Don't you like spending time with me?"

His head snapped back to look at you again. "Of course I do, dumbass. Why else did you think I came here?"

You shrugged, shifting your feet. "I'm going to go find some flowers. You wanna come with me?"

Bakugou grumbled, getting to his feet and shoving his hands in his pockets.

You smirked. After being with your temperamental boyfriend for a little over a year now, you were well aware that this was just how he was. He truly cared about you, he just had an odd way of showing it. But no matter what came out of his crude mouth, here he was, following you to go pick flowers. Just because you asked.

You led him to a field stretching out behind the park, filled with a multitude of flowers and long grasses. (Guys, for realsies, respect nature and stuff so you probably shouldn't just pick flowers on public property but this is just for the sake of fluff. Respect wildlife!) You started selecting some particularly vibrant flowers, making sure to keep their stems long. Bakugou stood back, watching you.

"Jesus, how many of those are you going to make?" he asked, looking at your bundle of flowers.

"Just two," you answered, skipping your way back to your blanket without waiting for him.

"Who the hell else are you going to—wait. I am not wearing one of those!"

He followed you at a brisk pace in order to catch up. You plopped yourself down on the blanket and began to sort your flowers, still ignoring Katsuki's protests. He pouted, sitting next to you, stretching one leg out and bending his other knee. He had placed his chin in his hand, slightly covering his mouth and nose.

Once you had two roughly equal piles, you pulled out your phone and opened your tab on Pinterest. You had found some instructions for how to weave flower stems, and now couldn't be any more of a perfect time to try it out. You just hoped it wouldn't be an epic failure. Even if it was, you decided, it was nice to be outside spending time with your boyfriend, even if he was still pouting and not looking at you.

You studied your screen, beginning to replicate what you observed before you as you started to twist and flatten the flowers exactly as you saw. You felt Katsuki watching you out of the corner of his eye, transfixed by the movements of your hands. He didn't seem to be in the mood to talk, and you weren't sure what to say. Either way, you enjoyed his company and began to hum a little sweet tune. It started out as something you vaguely knew, but as the real notes escaped your mind you began to make up new ones, producing whichever one you thought would sound prettiest coming after the next.

"What song is that?" Bakugou asked, his voice somewhat muffled by his hand.

You stopped humming. "Nothing. I'm just kinda making it up as I go along."

Bakugou finally looked at you. His crimson eyes watched your face as you met them momentarily before going back to your work. "It was pretty," he admitted, pulling up his other knee so he could rest his head on them instead.

"I do it when we cuddle," you said, keeping your voice quiet. This time, you were the one not pointedly looking at him.

Katsuki nonchalantly glanced around, making sure no one was close enough to overhear the heinous news that he, Katsuki Bakugou, partook in such uncool activities as cuddling.

"Hmm," was his only response.

It was true, you enjoyed singing to him and though he'd never admit it, Bakugou loved listening to you. Some nights the two of you would be hanging out alone in his room. He'd have his arms wrapped around your waist and his head on your chest. His own personal body pillow, he'd brush off. Tsun tsun Baku, that's all he was.

He'd close his eyes and you'd stroke the top of his head, his spiky hair flowing under your fingertips only to fluff back up again. The rhythmic motion of your hand always prompted you to start humming lullabies, your music floating in the still air around you.

The first time you had done it, Bakugou had opened his eyes, staring up at you like you were crazy. It was the first time he'd heard you sing in front of him. If it were anyone else, he might have told them to shut up, but there was something about how you orchestrated your voice that made him melt, so he kept silent. Now he'd do anything to get you to hum to him. Anything that is, except ask. He'd even go as far as letting you hold him in that same cuddling position, even though he preferred to be the one holding you most of the time.

He tried to hide things like this from you, but you knew him. You were smart. You also happened to be a bit of a tease, sometimes purposefully denying him of what he was indirectly asking for. You found infinite amusement in seeing his frustration as he tried to come to terms with the fact that he loved you and everything about you.

"Why did you stop?" Katsuki's voice jarred you from your idle thoughts.

"No reason."

You attempted to start back up again but soon became distracted.

"Now what?" Bakugou asked, sounding genuinely annoyed.

You were squinting at your instructions, studying a drawing and then a picture of the flower crown you were trying to replicate. "I seem to be stuck." You now realized that your instructions had no way of showing how you should finish your piece.

Bakugou sighed and leaned over. He grabbed your phone, looking at the picture for himself and then looking over to what you had been doing. He carefully picked up your curving ring of flowers. His hands held it more gently than one who didn't know him so well would have thought possible for him.

"You just have to weave in the ends, it's obvious," he said.

"Oh."

He took one of the stems in his fingers and experimentally threaded it through the one below it. He had been watching you, and he now copied your actions to make sure the crown was securely connected in a ring.

It was your turn to watch him work, your smile growing wider on your face as you observed his actions. He didn't seem to notice you until it was too late. Bakugou glanced up after snapping off a few stem ends with his fingernails.

"What the hell are you smirking at?!" he shouted.

You just kept smiling. "I'm not smirking, I'm just proud of my talented boyfriend."

"It's not like it's that difficult!" He set the crown on the blanket in front of him, crossing his arms in front of his chest.

"I thought you said you weren't into this kind of thing."

"You said that, dumbass. But you're right, I'm not."

"I'm just saying that you're not as much of a big meanie as you make yourself seem."

"I'm just good at everything! I just don't like doing this kind of girly, artsy shit!"

You opened your mouth to say something.

"���and I'm not soft!"

"Are you hard then?"

"Ye—no! But—not like—" He growled, his cheeks dusted with pink.

You fell back, your shoulders shaking with laughter.

"Stop!" he protested, his lip jutting out as he bared his teeth at you.

You sat up and kissed his cheek. "I love you."

His face flushed even more. He rubbed the spot where you had kissed him; not hard like he was trying to wipe it off, rather more like he was just flustered, which it was surprisingly easy for you to make him.

You rested your chin on your hand, raising your eyebrows for his response to your declaration.

He glowered at your cheerful face. "I guess I love you too, dumbass, even when you pull shit like this."

You smiled even brighter, satisfied with his answer. Your hand went for your second pile of flowers.

"What are you doing?" Bakugou asked.

"Making a second flower crown."

"But you didn't finish the first one."

You shrugged. "I think it's done."

"But there are still pieces hanging off the side!"

You shrugged again, taking the first two flowers to start wrapping them together.

"You can't spend all this time on one of your stupid little crafts and then just quit!"

You looked up at him, your face falling to deadpan. "You started working on it and quit too."

Bakugou inhaled sharply. "Oh, I see, you're just trying to rope me in."

"I think I already did."

"You did not."

"Well if it was too hard for you to tie flowers together—"

Bakugou made one of his signature screaming war cries, finally fed up with your antics. Some of the moms at the playset looked over at the two of you, wondering if they needed to remove their children from the premises of the screaming blond boy.

He snatched up the original flower crown that was still sitting between you two and started back with his weaving, although this time he was a little less delicate in his motions.

You briefly wondered if he might make it fall apart, but then you realized you didn't particularly care. Besides, you had made it pretty tight, and you were just watching as he fixed it to become even more secure.

You lifted the side of your mouth in another smile, rolling your eyes at your boyfriend's antics for the millionth time. You went back to the second crown, the motions of folding and wrapping and smoothing now almost second nature after getting it down so well with the first one. You almost forgot about your pissed boyfriend next to you until you felt something being pressed onto the top of your head.

"There! It's finished!"

Petals and stems flopped into your vision as the wreath slid forward on your head. You picked it up, looking at it for yourself. Your eyes traced how the stems were woven together. If you focused enough, you could kind of see where Bakugou had started to work on it himself, the weaving pattern having changed slightly. You grinned and put it back on your head, this time adjusting it so it wouldn't fall.

"You see, it looks really nice!" you said. "And we made it together! Kinda."

Bakugou just tched, having gone back to not looking at you.

You went back to your work, making this one a little bigger than your last. After a minute or so, you started humming again, casually attempting to get Bakugou to look at you again.

His shoulders started to relax after a few minutes, and he even laid down to look up into the tree. "You look cute by the way." His voice was a welcome break in the midst of your own.

"Thanks, babe." You used the last of the flowers, your product showcasing some extra stems at the end. "Baby," you said, your voice lilting, still warmed up after your music.

Bakugou cracked open his eyes, which he had shut sometime while you weren't paying attention. "What?"

You held up your most recent flower crown for him to see. "Can you finish this off for me, please?"

He rolled his eyes, sighing. "You're not going to let me say no, aren't you?"

"Nope."

He groaned, pushing himself off the ground. He held his hand out to you and you placed your wreath into his awaiting palm. "I'm only doing this because, for some reason, you can't seem to be able to do it yourself."

You dramatically put the back of your wrist to your forehead. "Whatever would I do without you, Katsuki? If you hadn't graced my existence with your presence, I simply don't think I would have survived without you!"

"Damn right."

You noticed his tiny smile as he finished off your flower crown, his fingers working the stems into each other until he was satisfied they were secure, then snipping off the excess with the tips of his fingernails.

"There," he said eventually. He put it on the top of your head, this time with less gusto than he had the first one. "Now what?"

You sat there with two flower crowns on your head. "It's a nice day out, we can sit here." You twisted around, cracking your back. You had been hunched forward a little too long. You felt a hand settle on your spine and it began to move. Bakugou rubbed circles against you, creating friction against your stiff joints. You hummed non-musically, letting your head fall back.

The two of you basked in the mixture of sun and shade, birdsong greeting your ears. A light breeze blew over your bare shoulders, making little goosebumps rise on your arms.

You could feel the moment Katsuki's motions became absentminded. Without warning, you took off the top flower crown and put it on his head. His face was overcome with rage, flushing a little red. The effect was completely thrown off, however, by the collection of daisies and dandelions that now rested atop his spiky hair. You were almost taken aback by how cute he looked.

Surprisingly, he made no move to rip it off his head. He just went back to pouting for the umpteenth time that day.

"Now we match!" you said, uncertain if you should say anything in case he did decide to take it off.

"I told you I wasn't going to wear one of these stupid things!"

You crossed your arms over your chest. "Oh, please. You let me put that on you. I know how fast your reflexes are, you should have seen me coming."

His silence was affirmation that your suspicion was correct.

You picked up your phone and started taking some selfies. After taking enough to be satisfied, you flipped your camera so you could see Katsuki, then pretended you were taking another picture of yourself as you took one of him. You opened it. The angle wasn't the best, and he was still scowling.

"Will you take a selfie with me?" you asked him.

"No."

"Please?"

"No."

"Come on, we both worked so hard. I put all my love into it just for you."

He shifted his eyes to glare at you. "Whatever."

"Just one."

"Fine."

You beamed and scooted yourself up next to him. You pressed your shoulder against his and smiled at your phone. Katsuki relaxed his face so he wasn't glowering, but he wasn't smiling either. At least he wasn't making one of his goofy ugly faces. It would have to do.

"Thanks, babe," you said, satisfied. You kissed his cheek.

"If you show that to anyone both you and that person are dead."

"Noted."

You immediately started making a mental list of all the friends you would send it to once you got home.

You looked up and saw one of the mothers from the playground walking up to the two of you with her daughter. You felt Katsuki stiffen next to you, realizing he was still wearing your floral creation.

"Hey, kids," the mother said. Her child clung to her leg, hiding behind her knee shyly. "My daughter saw you two making flower crowns and wanted to know if you could teach her how to make one."

You beamed up at the mother, then looked softly across at her daughter. "Sure! We'd love to. My name's (Y/N), what's yours?"

"Lilly," the girl said in a tiny voice.

You smiled. "That's a beautiful name. And fitting! Here, I ran out of flowers, but we can go get some more."

The four of you sat in a circle, newly supplied with flowers. You showed the mother and her daughter your technique for weaving, and they quickly caught on under your explanation. You made sure the girl had enough flowers to fit around her head, measuring it often. When it got to the right length, you turned to Bakugou.

"Katsuki?"

He had been silently watching the three of you work. "Yeah?"

"You're the one who knows how to tie them off."

He tensed his jaw but leaned forward, pointing his finger at the stems and beginning to direct the girl as to what she should do.

You watched him interact with her. He was a surprisingly good teacher, letting her do it herself while giving useful instruction. His time at U.A. really had changed him. You might even go as far as saying he would make a good father someday.

This date had turned out to be a good idea. Maybe flowers and crafts and girly shit really was his thing. To an extent.

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So I was initially going to do this idea with a softer boi like Tamaki or Eijirou (and I still probably will! Recycling ideas is totally ok lol) but the idea of getting Bakugou to make flower crowns with you was just too much fun to pass up.

I really liked writing this story and I hope you enjoyed reading it just as much!

Anyway, see you next time!

Stay safe! If you don't I'll come for you!

-Sugar

[staarshines]

It’s Not All Roses Chapter 1: astra (HighSchool!AU) || P.D.

| It’s Not All Roses Masterlist |

Warnings: cursing

Word Count: 3.1k

Excerpt: “Meet Rey! She’s in our english class, remember?” You can’t believe it for a minute—Wait, was this Poe’s doing? No, he was walking up the stairs with you… You look around, seeing him walk into the row from the other side. What the hell were the odds?

[A/N]: i haven’t been on here for months but we don’t talk about that❤️ also, the pandemic doesn’t exist here. bonne lecture.

Your Sour Patch Kids and Sprite, Finn’s Milky Way and Gatorade… You look over the items in your hands once more, hurrying through the crowds of kids masked in orange and white, proudly showing off Amidala-Skywalker High School’s colors; a stark contrast to the crowd bathed in red and black on the other side of the podium.

You mentally curse yourself for even wanting to come to the Homecoming game between Amidala-Skywalker and Geonosis High—dragging Finn along with you on top of that.

If Homecoming was this overhyped, you were going to be pissed.

Lost in thought, you unavoidably manage to run into someone, wincing when you hear the crack of your Sprite can hit the ground and open.

“My bad.”

You look back up to see a cute guy looking back at you with apologetic eyes, grinning, while his wild chocolate-colored curls frame his face.

“No, you’re good. It was my fault for running into you.”

“Nah, that was me. Got a little too focused on the game.” Both of you erupt into awkward laughter, bending down to pick up the snacks now lying on the ground. “I’m Poe, by the way.”

You look up once more, breath hitching in your throat because of how close you are to him—had you moved five inches closer, your lips would be pressed flush up against his. Your cheeks heat up at the thought and you forget how to speak for a few moments, watching him hold back a smirk.

This fucker knew exactly—

“I’m Y/N,” you quickly blurt out, flashing him a quick smile and grabbing the candy and sports drink, noticing another Sprite can that Poe hadn’t picked up. “I think that’s yours.”

“No, that one’s yours.”

“Even if it is mine, I ran into you, so you should have it.”

“Honestly? I was hoping you’d say that. Rey would kill me if I didn’t come back with her Sprite.” You chuckle and nod, standing up and smiling when he motions for you to go up the steps first.

You’re thinking about where you’ve seen him on the way up to your row, realizing that he was the one who pranked a girl—you’re guessing Rey?—in your english class by removing her headphones from her laptop’s jack while she was in the bathroom. Mr. Kenobi nearly fell out of his seat when he heard “WAP” blaring at full volume.

Needless to say, she was not happy.

You slide into the row Finn is sitting in, throwing him his candy and the Gatorade bottle—the latter of which he nearly doesn’t catch, which would’ve resulted in it hitting the brunette next to him.

“Y/N! Meet Rey! She’s in our english class, remember?” You can’t believe it for a minute—Wait, was this Poe’s doing? No, he was walking up the stairs with you… You look around, seeing him walk into the row from the other side.

What the hell were the odds?

You then remember that Finn and Rey are watching you look around like a madman, snapping you back to the situation of introductions and small-talk at hand.

“Right! The girl who—”

“Whose music blared in a dead-silent classroom in the middle of our english class? Yeah, that’s me.” You chuckle slightly, nodding to her and sitting down. Poe’s gaze catches your eye and he quirks an eyebrow, tilting his head.

What are you doing here?

A quick tilt of your head in Finn’s direction, then the game’s direction. Watching the game, apparently.

Raised eyebrows and the hint of a smirk. You following me?

An eyeroll and a bit-back smile. Oh yeah, definitely.

He shrugs with a smile on his face and sits down next to Rey, and you stifle a chuckle when you see her snatch the Sprite and Airheads from him, cracking the can open.

“What, do you two know each other?” It takes you a second to realize Finn’s question is directed at you and Poe.

“I mean kinda, we just ran into each other a while ago. Oh, that’s Poe. Poe, Finn, Finn, Poe.” They exchange warm smiles but nothing more.

“Well, I promise I’m not aiding him in anything,” Rey reads your mind, winking and eliciting a giggle from you. You look over to find him scrolling through his phone, earning a slight frown from you as you resume your normal position and pop a Sour Patch Kid into your mouth, mindlessly watching the game go on. Your phone buzzes in your pocket and you lazily pull it out, checking the notification.

      Instagram Poe Dam(n)eron (@damndameron) has requested to follow you.

        You look over at him once again, finding him now watching the game. Hm, so we’re playing this game? All right. Opening the app, you accept his request and click on his profile, a bit surprised when you see that he’s private—he pegged you as the type of guy to have a public account. Nevertheless, you hit “Follow”, waiting a few moments before refreshing and seeing that he’s accepted, giving you full access to his profile.

You see about four posts and a few story highlights, but nothing out of the ordinary. You click on his most recent post, scrolling past the beach, a hot tub at a cabin, a picture of him and Rey at Pike’s Peak—was she his girlfriend?—and lastly, a picture of someone who you guessed was his mother and him as a baby. He’s standing on her feet in what looks like their living room and you can tell that they’re dancing, a grin frozen on his mom’s face while Poe flashes a toothy smile—his dad must’ve taken the picture. It was dated November 21, posted almost one year ago. Curious, you click on the comments and start reading through them.

kare_kun_ Thinking about all of you.

r.skywalker you'll always be her flyboy, poe.

snapwexley01 she’d be so proud of you, man.

j_pava  Wish she was still here with us. Stay strong, Poe.

The last comment makes it all click into place, and you feel a pang in your heart. He’d lost his mom. How long ago? He was maybe four years old in that picture. You suddenly feel so empathetic that all you want to do is give him a hug—he was a momma’s boy; you could read it right off his face. You keep the date in mind: November 21st.

“Well, we won.” You look up in a daze to see that the clock was 6 seconds away from halftime, the score being 31-9 in Amidala-Skywalker’s favor.

“How do you kick someone’s ass that badly?” you ask with a sort of wince even though you were on the triumphant side, clicking your phone shut.

“Like that, apparently,” Poe remarks, just before the halftime buzzer rings. “You guys wanna get out of here and go to the baseball fields or something? It’s a lot less noisy but you can still hear the game’s commentary.” You’re a bit surprised at his proposal, seeing as you four just met, but you’re definitely not opposed.

“Why not?” Finn responds, shrugging his shoulders. You four get up and leave the row, nearly getting trampled in the number of kids leaving their seats to either go get food or leave the game entirely.

“C’mon, flyboy, you’re gonna get lost!” Rey yells from behind you. Flyboy. Wonder where he got that nickname.

“Oh my God, please— He did not!” you laugh, clapping a hand over your mouth while giving Poe a disbelieving look.

It’s pitch black outside now and you four are bathed in the floodlights of the baseball stadium, sitting on the grass just by home base.

“There’s fight, there’s flight, then there’s complete idiocy. Guess which one Poe has programmed into his DNA.” Poe narrows his eyes at Rey, throwing Finn’s empty Gatorade bottle at her which she catches with ease.

“It’s not my fault I wasn’t thinking—”

“Thank you for admitting that.”

“—I was panicked! There was a s’more in my hand and I just threw it in the other direction!”

“While not thinking that the bear would come after you for more,” you add, watching him huff, seeing a hint of a pout on his face. “Remind me never to go anywhere near the woods with you.”

“I like her already,” Rey remarks, to which you crack a smile.

“How long have you two been dating?” you try to crack the question as casually as possible, but let’s face it: the anticipation is eating away at you. To your surprise, they both burst out in laughter—so they’re not together?

“Oh my God, I wouldn’t date Poe in a million years. I couldn’t handle being that much impulse control for him—He’s already a liability as my best friend,” Rey laughs, shaking her head.

“I— Rude. But honestly, I wouldn’t date you either. You don’t know how to have fun,” he exaggerates the statement with his hands. You smile at their banter, a bit surprised at their relationship’s similarity to yours and Finn’s. “How long have you two been dating?”

“We’re most definitely not dating,” Finn chuckles, earning a slap to the shoulder from you.

“No need to act like you’d never date me! Remember the kiss on the playground in third grade?” you ask sarcastically, the memory bringing back a bout of nostalgia.

“That was third grade! And I was dared to do it!” You laugh, throwing an arm around him.

“I mean Finn, you seem pretty passionate about making sure she knows you don’t like her,” Poe winks, earning a fake gag from Finn.

“Oh, please. She’s like my sister.”

“Literally,” you add. “I’m pretty sure I saw you more than I saw my own parents during my childhood.”

“You, Ben, Han, and Leia, yeah,” he nods.

“Ben, Han, and Leia..?”

“Ben’s our best friend. The three of us practically grew up together with Han and Leia—his parents.”

“Han and Leia like—Dr. Solo and Dr. Organa? The ones who teach at the school?” You nod, answering Poe’s question. “I don’t think they’re married—are they divorced?”

“Never got married,” Finn explains. “Just two best friends who had a one-night stand and actually stayed civil with each other after learning about the pregnancy. They raised Ben together—and us, too, basically.”

“I miss him,” you murmur. “Why’d his stupid ass have to want to go to that college prep school way over in New York, anyway?”

“Probably just to make Han and Leia proud after all they’ve done. Mark my words, he’ll be back here in a year or two. You don’t get the high school experience at a prep school.”

“Are you talking about First Order Preparatory, the big one in New York?” Rey interjects. “That’s not a boarding school last I checked.”

“Nah, he’s living over there with his Uncle Luke. I mean, we FaceTime and all, but it’s just not the sa—”

“Shit. Shit, shit, shit. Poe, she’s coming over here.” Both Poe and Rey scramble to get up, leaving you and Finn to do the same while you steal a glance behind yourself, trying to see who Rey is talking about.

“Run,” Poe whispers in a panicked tone; Rey grabs his arm before he can take off.

“We’re not running, genius!” she hisses, looking behind you once more. You turn around, finally spotting a blonde wearing an orange shirt and white shorts, stripes of white paint just under her eyes. “We’re walking away. Quickly. Very quickly.” You turn around, finding them nodding to you and Finn; the four of you begin in the opposite direction from whoever the blondie was.

“Who are we r—walking very quickly away from?” you ask, keeping up at a brisk pace.

“Zorii Bliss. She’s been after Poe ever since fifth grade,” Rey explains, picking up her pace.

“Just tell her you’re not interested. Simple,” you mutter, arching an eyebrow.

“You think I haven’t tried? What was this summer, the seventh time I’ve turned her down?” Poe groans, and you suddenly feel terrible. They were actually running from this girl who’d been after them for five years. Couldn’t you get a restraining order or something? “She’s been with five guys—”

“Six,” Rey corrects.

“—six guys in the past four months. All she does is play them then blame them, all while still somehow looking like the victim. The Smoky Mountains trip we were just talking about—the bear and the s’mores? You don’t know how hard she tried to get in on that trip.”

“Sheesh,” Finn starts, “someone needs to—”

“Poe!” you hear someone, presumably Zorii, call out from behind you four.

“—get the hint,” Finn mutters, and the four of you turn around to find her just maybe fifty feet away. What the fuck, did she run to catch up or something?

“Hide me,” you hear Poe whisper, and before you can ask how, he’s already crouched behind you, arms around your waist.

“Long time no see,” she calls out, sauntering now. Aw c’mon, how about you run like you were doing before? Look all desperate for the cameras?

“What���She knows you’re here!”

“But I’m not.”

“Yes you are!”

“Nope.” You start to argue with him but then stop, realizing he really didn’t want to see her.

“Aw, that’s cute.” Christ, even her voice was insufferable. She looked like a bitch, too.

You really just wanted to punch her in the face.

“What do you want, exactly?”

“Who are you, his girlfriend? Funny, Poe hasn’t really ever dated anyone.” She shuffles a bit to the side and you copy her footwork to guard Poe, watching her raise her eyebrows and laugh in disbelief. “You didn’t answer my question.”

“And you didn’t answer mine,” you quip smoothly, hearing Finn quickly stifle a laugh from beside you. She gives Finn a dirty look, and you swear you’re about to drag her from her hair right now. “What do you want?”

“I just came over to say hi to Poe since we didn’t get to meet too much over the summer,” she shrugs. “Zorii Bliss.” You don’t respond, waiting for her to make her exit. “Aren’t you going to introduce yourself?”

“Couldn’t be more bothered to.” Rey sucks in a sharp breath and you’re worried that you’ve crossed some sort of line, but your stance doesn’t waver. She rolls her eyes and blows a kiss to Poe before turning on her heel and walking away—you’re sure she’s swaying her hips on purpose.

“Damn,” Poe murmurs, getting up from behind you. “You really said ‘no, bitch’ to her.” You laugh a little bit at his statement, shaking your head.

“She just really pissed me off. Hopefully that taught her a lesson and she’ll leave you alone now.”

“We can hope. I nearly fought her in the middle school parking lot once.” Finn raises his eyebrows at Rey but you just nod impressedly.

“Y’know, we should take a picture so we have something to post on Instagram,” Poe suggests. “I haven’t posted for a while.” He’s actually one of the boys who cares about his Instagram? Respect.

“Yeah, neither have I.” You shush Finn before he can start to whine about taking pictures, but Rey seems to have the same reaction as him. “Aw, c’mon you guys, it’s just one picture.”

“Fine,” Finn drawls. “Just one.”

“Maybe two,” you add with a giggle, watching him shake his head as you pull out your phone, opening the camera. “Okay, any ideas on where we should set it? Because the four of us sure as hell aren’t fitting in a square if I take a selfie.”

“If you have a popsocket, you can try to hook it inside the diamonds of the fence.”

“Good idea, flyboy,” you test the nickname out, watching his reaction closely to determine whether you’re crossing a line. He smiles, the corners of his eyes crinkling up, so you breathe a sigh of relief.

After having set your phone up on the fence—“You’re taking too long. Let me do it.” “Finn, you’re not going to have any more luck than I am.” (He, in fact, didn’t)—you press the shutter button and quickly run back to the four, throwing an arm around Finn and watching Rey neck Poe, earning a laugh from you. It’s a bit too late when you realize the picture’s already been taken, and it takes about three minutes for you both to coax Finn and Rey into taking another one. The second one turns out almost perfect, though, seeming like one of those cliché VSCO pictures that everyone posts around this time.

“Numbers,” you state simply, handing your phone to Rey. She starts adding her contact information, taking a quick selfie for her contact picture and then handing the phone off to Poe. “And give me your Instagram handles, too. I’ll tag you guys when I post.”

“You already have mine,” Poe remarks while not looking up from the phone, and you’re sure that you’re the only one who can hear the slight smugness in his voice. He hands your phone back to you and you see that he’s set the picture of his annoyed face after Rey necking him as his contact photo, which makes you giggle a bit.

After you’d sent them the pictures—Poe had named the groupchat “the avengers”, which sparked a conversation about Marvel (Finn and Poe were arguing over the best Avenger right now)—you edited the pictures slightly to make them better, uploading them to Instagram with the caption, “no friendship is an accident.”.

You four were now walking out of school boundaries towards your neighborhood—yet another thing you four discovered you had in common—but you were lost in the stars, hearing traces of the current conversation on hand (something about Asgard and the Tesseract).

“Hey. Snap out of it.” Poe snaps his fingers in front of your face and you blink, shaking your head and looking back at him.

“Huh? Sorry.”

“Staring at the stars?” he asks, looking up at the sky himself.

“Yeah. Found Ursa Major and Cassiopeia,” you point out, watching him genuinely look for the constellations, humming when he sees them too. “You like stargazing?”

“I do, actually. Have a telescope in my room and everything.”

“Oh?” You’re stepping in stride with him, completely forgetting about the other two who are also with you.

“Yeah. Y’know… you need a nickname.”

“Oh? Why’s that?”

“I dunno, I just think…” he looks up at the sky then back at you, grinning as if he’s figured something out. “Astra.”

“Astra?” you ask, recognizing the word to be Greek for “star”.

“Astra,” he confirms, nodding. You raise an eyebrow, but you can’t deny that you like it.

“Well, it’s not terrible.” You were understating. You kind of loved it.

“I’ll take that as a win.”

Masterlist

All taglists are open! Send me an ask or a message :)

Permanent: @becausewhyknotme, @criminal-cookies, @theladyoffangorn, @officialtonystarkprotectionsquad, @justmebeingtheweirdmeiam, @fantasticcopeaglepasta, @talk-geek-to-me, @letsmellowjello, @thescarletknight2014, @bbluespiritzuko, @brooklynsmorales, @marvel-dameron, @marvelinsanity​, @softly-sad, @yourbucky084, @mcolbz14

Star Wars: @kittyofalltrades​, @arkofblake​, @m1rkw00dpr1ncess​, @propertyofdindjarin​, @coldbreadbouquetworld​, @melvls​, @waatermelon-sugaar​, @thedevilwearsbeskar​

Poe Dameron: @yougottakeeponkeepinon​, @poe-damnnn-eron​, @lapilark​, @peterhollandkait​, @demigod-dragonrider-schoolidol​, @twomoonstwosuns​, @writefightandflightclub​, @lady-sloan, @poes-stardust​, @legamelo​, @xremember-me-notx​, @imtheoutgoingsidekick-baby​, @yourbucky084​, @agents-assemble​, @asianravenpuff​, @daydreamerinadazedworld​

“It’s Not All Roses” Taglist: @marvelous-capsicle​, @fishswimbetterunderwater​, @r2fucku, @missmadwoman​

[calpalirwin]

Change Your Mind

Summary: Calum runs into an old flame

Word Count: 2.4k

And away, and away we go!

__

“C’mon!” Calum laughed, grabbing her hand and breaking out into a run, the night air cool on his face.

“Cal, wait!” she laughed along with him, breathless as he dragged her along. “My legs aren’t as long as yours!”

“Here!” he said, an idea coming to him. He stopped in his tracks, crouching slightly. “Hop on.”

She jumped on his back, wrapping her legs over his hips and her arms around his neck.

“Aw!” Michael’s girlfriend, Amanda, mock-pouted at the blonde, swatting at his arm. “Why can’t you carry me like that?”

Michael side-stepped away from his girlfriend. “I can either hold you, or the baby. Which is it?”

“Don’t you dare drop my baby, Clifford. That’s precious cargo.”

“Your baby? Last I checked it was our baby.”

“Cutest boy this world has ever seen!” Y/N called out from her spot on Calum’s back.

“Hey!” Calum protested, loosening his hold on her legs like he was gonna drop her.

“Calum!” she shrieked.

He laughed as he tightened his grip. “Better watch yourself.”

“You wouldn’t really drop me, would you?” Her voice was a whisper by his ear.

He tilted his head to the side to flash her a grin. “Never, baby. I’ll always catch you.”

“Mmm, you better,” she warned, kissing at his cheek.

“Fuck, this is amazing isn’t it?” Amanda asked as she laid down in the grassy field. “It’s like the whole world is spread out before us.”

“Today, high school graduates. Tomorrow… who knows! We’ll make it up as we go!” Michael said with a grin.

“Tomorrow, London,” Calum came up with his answer. “We’re gonna be rockstars, Mike.”

In that moment, staring up at the night sky, the four friends’ futures never looked brighter or more tightly intertwined.

~Ten Years Later~

“Mike? You get one of these too?” Calum asked, flashing an envelope with their high school crest on it.

“Yup,” Michael responded, not tearing his eyes away from the screen and the video game he was playing with his son, Lincoln. “Can’t believe it’s already been ten years.”

“I can,” came Amanda’s slight scoff. “We got the time stamp to prove it, Mikey.” She ruffled both her husband’s and son’s hair with either of her hands.

“You say ‘time stamp’ I say ‘son.’”

“You say ‘son’ I say ‘winner’!” the ten year old boy gloated, rising to his feet for a victory dance.

“What?!” Michael stared at the screen in disbelief, setting his controller aside. “How in the?!”

“In yo face!” Lincoln continued to boast.

“Oh, yeah?” Michael asked before charging to tickle his son’s sides while the boy broke out into a high-pitched giggle.

“Mikey, stop. The boy can’t breathe. Look, he’s turning pink,” Amanda scolded.

Michael let go, looking over at his wife innocently. “So, did you wanna go to this reunion?”

“Yeah. I’d love to see Y/N again. She hasn’t seen Link since he was a baby. Oh! And we can finally meet her daughter!”

“Babe!” Michael hissed, but the damage was done.

“Y/N has a daughter?” Calum asked, body snapping to attention.

“Yeah…” his friends admitted.

“Hmm… good for her. How old?”

“Uh…”

“How old is she?” Calum repeated, gritting his teeth, his brown eyes darkening.

“Cal…” Michael started, keeping his voice low. “She made us swear not to tell you.”

“HOW OLD IS SHE?!” Calum barked, grabbing Michael by the front of his shirt. “TELL ME!”

“9! She’s 9!” The woman told him, her voice shaking.

Calum released Michael, slumping back like he had the wind knocked out of him. “9?” he croaked, tears springing to his eyes. “Is she…?” He pointed at himself

Michael nodded. “Yeah, mate. Look, this wasn’t how you were supposed to find out...”

“How the fuck was I supposed to find out then?! You two lied to me for 9 fuckin’ years! She lied to me!”

“I know! But we didn’t want to! We begged her to tell you. But she had convinced herself it wasn’t worth bothering you about. That she’d figure out a way to tell you. Mate, you gotta believe me. We wouldn’t have hidden this from you if we had a choice.”

Calum hung his head in his hands. “I can’t believe this… I can’t believe this is happening… I think I’m gonna be sick…”

“D- do you want to see pictures?”

The man nodded, and Michael fiddled around on his phone. “I saved all the pictures into an album. Here.”

Calum took the phone in shaking fingers, slowly scrolling through someone’s lifetime. His daughter’s lifetime. “Fuck… she looks just like Y/N…”

“Funny. Y/N says she looks like you.”

“Yeah, I can see it a little in her face. Are my cheeks really that squishy?”

“Yes,” was the laughed response.

Calum sighed, passing the phone back. “So, when do we leave?”

~~~

Calum spotted her the second he walked in the hotel ballroom, nostalgia hitting him like a tidal wave. Every promise whispered on skin they had broken with goodbye flashed in his head like a movie as he made his way to her. He didn’t know if he was more angry, or just flat out crushed. “What’s her name?” he asked once he was in earshot.

“Wow. That’s gotta be a record for the Cliffords. Never were the type to keep a secret.”

“Don’t deflect the blame on them. What’s her name?”

“Ari.”

“Why?”

“Cuz she needed a name.”

Calum breathed slowly. “Why didn’t you tell me?” he rephrased.

“It wasn’t your business.”

“Wasn’t my business?! She’s my daughter, Y/N!”

“Lower your fuckin’ voice!” she snarled, looking around the room before gripping his upper arm and pushing him outside like a scolded toddler.

“I want to meet her.”

Y/N scoffed. “Yeah. Fat chance of that happening.”

“Oh, so you're just gonna keep me from her for the second half of her life, too?”

“Half of her life? She’s 9, Calum.”

“That’s halfway to 18.”

“Not everyone leaves their family at 18 like you did Cal! Some people actually stay!”

“Excuse me?! That’s why?! You kept my daughter from me out of spite?! Because I had the guts to make something of myself?! In case you didn’t notice, Mike had the same story we did, and he got to do it with his kid!”

“You think you’re the only one who could be somebody?! I’ve busted my ass for the last decade to forget about all the promises we broke! And I did it all while raising the reminder of everything we were, and everything we were too scared we could be!”

“We were supposed to be somebodies together!”

“You left me!”

“I didn’t do it on purpose! I had to do what was best for me!”

“I did too!”

“I’m never gonna forgive you for this…”

“Good thing I never asked you to.”

“Oh, I can’t believe you! Who are you protecting? Her? Or you? I’m not the bad guy here. You’re the one who made a huge ass decision about our lives without talking to me about it.”

“Kinda like you did?”

“When did I ever do something without talking about it with you first?! I asked you to come with me to London. You didn’t want to. I said let’s try to make it work. You didn’t want that either.”

“We didn’t talk through shit, Cal. You talked. But you always had your mind made up before you ever opened your mouth. And you still do.”

“Then you should know that I’ll do whatever it takes to meet her.”

“Fine. She has a soccer game in the morning. I guess you could come to that.”

“She plays soccer?”

“Of course she plays soccer. She’s yours, ain’t she? Memorial Park. 9am. Don’t you dare be late.”

“I’ll be there. And hey, you look good by the way.”

“Ew,” she scoffed, but even in the dim lighting he saw her cheeks pinken. “You look… alright I guess. Your curls always did suit you better in my opinion.”

~~~

Even if Calum hadn’t seen the pictures of Ari, he would have been able to pick her out of a crowd with her wild, dark curls held out of her face in a ponytail as she ran about the field. Calum and Y/N sat in tense, but not uncomfortable silence next to each other in the stands before Calum finally spoke up at the start of the second half. “You know you robbed me of 9 years worth of mornings like this?”

“5, actually. She’s been playing since she was 4.”

“Was talking about mornings spent watching our daughter, but I’m glad you agree with me.”

“I didn’t ‘rob’ you out of spite, Calum. I know you already made up your mind that I did. And if that’s what you’re determined to believe, I don’t particularly care all that much. Like I said last night, it’s not like I’m asking you to forgive me.”

“If you think my mind’s made up, then you shouldn’t see an issue with telling me why. Humor me.”

“It’s because we didn’t need you. And I don’t say that to hurt you.”

He scoffed. “Could’ve fooled me. Were you ever going to tell me?”

“I thought about it a lot. But the longer time went on, the harder it became. I mean, I didn’t find out I was pregnant until you were already gone. I was 18 and alone. Did I make mistakes along the way? Yeah, probably. But I did what I thought was best. And calling you up in tears so you could give up your dream of being a rockstar to rescue us wasn’t on that list. I didn’t want you to resent me more than you already did.”

“I couldn’t resent you if I tried. And trust me… I tried. You should’ve told me.”

She shrugged. “Yeah, maybe. But we didn’t need you, Cal. And you didn’t need us. And all three of us turned into the people we were supposed to be.”

“Agree to disagree. You may not have needed me, but maybe I needed you guys. And maybe the person I was supposed to be was supposed to be a dad to our daughter. And I may not be able to get these last nine years back, but I’ll be damned if I don’t get the next nine. And all the years after that.”

She shook her head, eyes rolling behind her sunglasses. “It’s not that simple, Cal. You can’t undo the damage we dealt with some inspiring words.”

“And who’s fault is that? Look, I’m not saying it’s gonna be easy. But I want to be in her life. You gotta trust me here.”

“It’s not that I don’t trust you, Cal. It’s not like you ran away. I mean, you did. But I had my chance to go with you. And I had my chance to try and make it work. And I haven’t asked you to forgive me because I don’t deserve to be forgiven. I had our two best friends lie for me because I was too scared to confront you myself. And I lied to myself by saying I was doing it for your sake. So you could live your dream. I saw how hard it was for Amanda and Michael in the beginning. I wanted better for us. And I’m willing to admit that maybe I went about it the wrong way. But playing these maybe/maybe not scenarios isn’t going to change the past.”

“I’m not looking to change the past, Y/N. I just want to be in her future. Don’t you think I have that right?”

“Yes. And that breaks my heart, Cal.”

“How does th-?” he asked in confusion, before the realization hit. “Oh… Because you made up your mind that I just want her. That I’ll never be over what you did to even contemplate wanting you too. Guess I’ll just have to change your mind.”

She blinked, not believing she heard him correctly. “Y- you want me too?”

“How could I want my daughter, and not the woman who gave her to me? Yes, I want you too.”

“Cal…” she warned tearfully. “If you’re lying, I’ll never forgive you.”

“And if I’m telling the truth?”

“I just might have to kiss you.”

“Pucker up, sweetheart. Been waiting 10 years for this kiss, so you can bet it’ll be a long one.”

“Who are you, and why are you trying to kiss my mom?” a small voice demanded.

Y/N snickered into her hand while Calum took in the girl with her hands on her hips and a fiery look in her eyes. “Ari, sweetheart, this is my old friend, Calum.”

Ari looked Calum up and down skeptically, her hands coming off her hips so she could cross her arms over her chest. “That answers the first part of my question…”

“Ari!” Y/N gasped in shock.

“What? I’m not wrong. Now, why are you trying to kiss my mom, Calum?” She cocked her head to the side waiting for an answer.

“Because that’s what adults do when they love each other,” Calum answered, taking the path of least resistance.

“No… when adults love each other they have se-”

Y/N’s eyes went wide as her hand flashed out to cover Ari’s mouth, pulling the girl towards her. “That’s enough out of you. Would you behave? Please?”

The girl huffed, rolling her eyes. “Fmm!” was the muffled response. She huffed again when her mouth was uncovered, hands brushing down the front of her jersey with unnecessary sass. “So, you love my mom?”

“Yes. Very much so.”

“Good. Because she loves you, too.”

“Oh, does she?” Calum asked with a smirk. “And how do you feel about me?”

“Mmmm… you’re alright I guess. As long as you don’t try to kiss my mom in front of me again.”

“Ari?” Y/N asked softly.

“What?! That was nice!”

“Get your stuff. I’ll meet you at the car.”

“Ew! You are gonna kiss him!” the girl squealed with a shudder, before running off to get her things.

“So, where were we?” Calum asked, rising to feet and closing the distance between him and Y/N.

“Right about here,” she breathed, stretching up on her toes to greet his lips.

“Ari! Who’s that kissing your mom?!” one of Ari’s teammates asked her as they giggled into their hands.

Both Y/N and Calum could hear the eye roll in their daughter’s voice as she answered with a sigh, “Oh, that’s just my dad.”

__

Tag List

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[tirednotflirting]

i am missing you more than i should (guess i'm not out of the woods)

i attempted to post this to ao3 and then the page crashed so tumblr gets some rights today i guess.

this is another addition to the maisie thing i’m working on. title and inspo from look at me now by maisie peters 

read here on ao3 if you wanna

(it’s kinda emo i apologize)

It’s a cold November night when Luke sees Calum again.

Despite the outdoor temperature being displayed on his phone screen, Luke is warm from the alcohol in his belly and the bodies milling around the bar. He’s ordered a drink to feel natural in his current setting but it’s just soda and lime. He’s stepped into this place to wait for Ashton to come pick him up. He had read one top many horror stories about ride share apps and young drunken people and now always gripes at Luke for not calling him for a pick up on a night out. So after watching all of his friends (though that’s kind of a stretch for the people he frequents clubs with) head off into the night, Luke wandered to the place he currently sits at, feeling drawn to the little dive bar he hasn’t been to in ages and sent Ashton his location.

It’s while he’s waiting for his drink that he remembers why he was drawn to this bar. This is Calum’s place. Luke can’t even think up how many pairs of hands he would need to count the number of times they had stumbled into this place, laughing with their arms around each other while tripping their way up to the bar. It’s close to the complex Calum had been living in while they were still in school. Seeing him here now at the other end of the bar, the glitter in his eyes shining even though they’re not taking a single glance in his direction, makes Luke wonder if Calum’s stuck around this area of town.

Because of course Luke wouldn’t know. Luke hasn’t said a single word to the man in ages, hasn’t seen him in probably a year and a half at this point. (He’s tempted to pull out his dying phone to find the last text messages they exchanged to track the time but he knows Ashton probably deleted their messages during one of the many times he ended up on the other man’s couch with tears raining down his cheeks.) 

We want different things. That’s what Calum had told him. Luke wanted to see the world. They were about to graduate, he wanted to see everything and he wanted to see it all with Calum. The idea of settling any part of his still mess of a young life scared the hell out of him. Luke wanted to run but he wanted to do it with Calum’s hand holding his own. Calum was so practical, his mind somehow years ahead of Luke’s. They were graduating, it was time to slow down, he was always trying to explain to the boy he’d laughed with and loved for the last four years. The speeds they were trying to live their lives at during those last few months pretty much started pulling them in opposite directions, Luke supposes. Though that didn’t change how much it hurt the day he returned to his apartment to find a box of his clothes and belongings sitting in front of the door with a little note tucked into the side.

Luke had stuck to his plan. It was only in the last couple of months that he’d returned to the city and found a job more permanent, reconnected with Ashton who had stuck it out in the area for law school. He had seen so many places, so many people, so many pairs of brown eyes that had him nearly chasing after strangers on the other side of the world. He hadn’t dared to try to love someone else but eventually his brain stopped trying to play tricks on him to make him see what he had lost because he couldn’t just slow down. Eventually he didn’t wake every morning expecting to see someone curled up beneath the sheets beside him or to walk into the kitchen to find the ever studious business major drinking from the blue mug with the chip in the handle as he checked the news on his phone

Though from what he could see down the bar, Calum hadn’t been on his own since Luke saw him last. Or at least he wasn’t right now. 

Luke watches a laugh escape Calum’s lips while he reaches for his glass on the bartop (always a whiskey man, Luke was never not teasing him for his old man drink preferences). He takes a sip and then raises his brows, his lips moving to ask a question Luke can still hear rolling off his tongue if he thinks back hard enough. He watches the glass get passed along to the blonde sitting in front of him and facing away from Luke. The glittering in Calum’s eye changes some as his bottom lip gets pulled between his teeth while a smirk forms on one side of his face. Luke can see the other man’s shoulders rise slightly in response to taking the sip and he wonders if the scrunched up face he used to pull when sipping Calum’s liquor is anything like this new man’s. He figures it must be as Calum’s face softens in a still vaguely familiar way and Luke watches him lean forward to press a kiss to the blonde’s cheek while a hand lifts to cover the other. 

Luke squeezes his eyes shut and forces his face away from the couple. He takes a sip of his soda before shrugging his denim jacket from his arms, the bar suddenly feeling far too warm. He’s reaching for his phone in the pocket of his jacket, ready to send Ashton an SOS to get him to hurry along, when a soft voice behind him nearly throws him to the opposite side of the bar. “Luke?”

He jumps as he spins in the stool he’s seating in, Luke’s eyes suddenly meeting the ones he’s been searching for in every corner of the world. He used to spend hours lying awake thinking about this exact moment, about what it would be like to speak again for the first time with his lost great love. (If Ashton were able to hear him thinking that he would scold Luke for being so dramatic. You’re literally 24. Calm down, Luke.) “Hi, Calum,” he returns, praying his voice isn’t as shaky as it feels. The name feels foreign on his tongue and he can’t tell if he’s thankful for that or not.

“How’re you doing, man?” Calum asks, a small smile playing at his lips. “It’s wild to see you in here, not gonna lie. Thought you were still off somewhere with your wanderlust.”

Luke tries to be as subtle as he can as he reaches for his wrist to pinch himself since he’s not entirely sure he believes this moment to be real. He coughs and shakes himself out of his daze. He’s got to be an adult about all of this, he’s a grown up now. “Yeah, I moved back a couple months ago. Was starting to really stress out Mom with the whole travel thing. I’ve moved in with Ashton, if you remember him? He helped me get this admin job at the law firm he’s interning at.”

“Of course I remember Ash!” Calum beams. Luke wonders if he’s also playing at being cool but then he remembers that Calum actually had the guts to walk over to him so maybe this is just a part of being settled down. “Happy for you, Luke. Sounds like a good set up.”

Luke ignores the nostalgia threatening to cloud up his mind at the sound of his name falling from Calum’s lips a second time. “You still working for Donny then?”

“I am! He gave me like, a month after grad to chill before I got back to my old desk with a stack two feet high of files,” Calum laughs and Luke finds himself doing the same. Calum’s internship boss had always been fond of them together. Donny had once helped Luke get flowers delivered for their third anniversary. He was a good guy. “Actually, just got promoted to Managing Financial Advisor earlier this week. Was here, uh, celebrating tonight wit-”

“Hey Cal, thought I lost you there.”

The blonde Luke had only seen the back of before steps into view, his hand dropping to Calum’s back. He’s just barely shorter than Calum, though that’s likely due to the boots the latter is wearing. His eyes are wide and a pale green, like leaves in early spring. Luke wants to hate him but he can’t. This guy looks pretty nice, unfortunately. 

“Sorry, love,” Calum replies softly, his hand lifting subconsciously to push hair from the other man’s eyes. It’s an action Luke remembers fondly (and somewhat painfully, if he’s being honest with himself). “Found a familiar face. Michael, this is Luke. Luke, this is Michael.”

Michael’s eyes widen just the slightest bit. Luke isn’t surprised. He can basically guarantee that he’s sitting right at the top of Calum’s ex-boyfriends to discuss list. They spent nearly all of undergrad together. If Michael’s been around for even a little bit it makes sense that he’s heard about Luke. “Nice to meet you, mate.” 

“Yeah, you too.” Luke accepts the hand being offered to shake. The whole situation feels way too formal but also dazed. Though Luke is still drunk and there’s way too many memories dancing through his mind of nights out with Calum and nights in with Calum and Calum Calum Calum. 

“Well,” Calum starts, his hand moving to rest lower against Michael’s back. “Our Uber is here but I’m glad I saw you Luke. Take care of yourself.”

Luke nods and wishes them both the same in a small voice while they wander away from him. He can’t hear it but based on the worried look he can see on Michael’s face as they head for the door and the way he wraps his arm more firmly around Calum’s waist, Luke knows he wasn’t the only one faking a brave face. 

(He allows himself a moment to give into memory then as he thinks back on one of the last times he was headed out of this bar with Calum. It was early February, just a week and change past Calum’s birthday. The air is cold enough to see their breaths as they giggle and bumble about their new courses. Calum keeps lifting Luke’s hands between his own to blow warm air onto them to keep them warm as they head in the direction of his apartment. 

When they finally make it up to the third floor and through Calum’s door, they both kick off their boots. Luke’s gone for his easier to remove ones so he has a moment to lean against the door while laughing as Calum pulls at the laces of his Docs. Once removed, Calum steps over to Luke, his arms looping around his waist while Luke’s drop to hang over his shoulders. Their laughter dies out as they sway back and forth slightly in the entryway. 

“God, I love you,” Luke sighs as he drops his forehead to Calum’s. “Never want to stop loving you.”

“Please don’t.” Calum laughs gently before turning his head so their lips press together. 

Whether it's seconds or hours that they stand there kissing while holding each other in the dull entryway light, Luke doesn’t know. He doesn’t care. All that matters is that Calum never lets go.)

Luke’s phone buzzes on the bartop, a text from Ashton appearing to alert him that he’s waiting in the lot out front. Luke tips back the last of his soda and shouts a thank you to the bartender. He pulls on his jacket and heads in the direction of the door.

He turns for a moment before reaching to push through back out into the cold. He glances around the open room, quick moments of memories playing out in front of him from the years before. He sighs and pulls himself out of it again. 

Maybe it’s time to find a new spot to land.

*

[fanfic-inator795]

Oneshot: Movies and Mermaids

((Have some Mikey and Draxum bonding *throws confetti*))

It wasn’t as if Draxum had any genuine interest in human culture, certainly not! He could care less! ...Though, his obvious lack of caring didn’t prevent certain annoyances.

Like how he would be sometimes be completely lost in certain conversations. A member of the faculty at the high school would ask if he had seen the latest film in theaters and if he liked it better than the remake, or how his fellow lunch servers would reference certain shows and encourage him to watch them as well - Gladys especially seemed entranced with a show regarding doctors all dating each other in-between doing their actual jobs, for whatever reason.

The rest of the city seemed to only aggravate him more. From displays and the videos that would play on the large screens on towers, to the advertisements he saw on the television box or in magazines. It just seemed like everything he saw in human culture was a reference to something or someone - a laundry list of names and shows and movies and jokes and even what were supposedly ‘simple’ concepts like technology and brands and lingo and-!

After over two months of living on the surface, Draxum had reached his limit. He was tired of constantly being confused. He was tired of constantly missing or misunderstanding the references.

He was tired of being reminded that this was not his world, that he was still a yokai in human clothing.

So naturally, as a man of science, Draxum thought it only made sense to start with some research. Granted there was an entire pantheon that he would have to go through, and without the power of the ‘internet’ and a television box that only had five channels, it would be a incredibly slow process... At the very least, O’Neil had said that she would help him get a human library card when they both had a free afternoon. 

In the meantime, Michelangelo had plenty of ‘reference material’, and even with the insistence that this was all for education and NOT entertainment, Draxum figured it was as good of a starting point as any, considering how much the humans seemed to admire their on-screen stories and their film stars. (No wonder Lou Jitsu was just as popular as an actor as he was as a warrior...)

It was late Friday night when Mikey showed up to Draxum’s apartment with a backpack full of movies of all different genres and formats and a VHS/DVD combo player tucked under his arm. “Good thing Donnie found this thing a few years ago, huh?” he said as he hooked it up.

Draxum didn’t bother replying. Instead, he was focusing on his choices for that evening - as well as for the rest of the week, since Mikey said he could borrow them as long as he needed to - pulling out each tape or DVD case and examining it carefully. Quite a few of them looked like they were for children, which he probably should have expected, though he didn’t dismiss them immediately.

“Don’t worry,” he heard Mikey said, “I remembered what you said. All of these are super popular ‘staples of human culture’ that practically everyone’s seen.”

“Good,” Draxum mumbled, putting aside a movie about a boat next to a movie about a boy gardener who wore a cloak and was apparently very harry. Picking up the next one, his expression flattened a bit at the cover. “This one you can take back, I don’t need to watch it.”

“Huh? Why- ohhh.” The box turtle chuckled as he took the tape, smiling at the younger version of his dad on the box. “Sorry, guess that one accidentally got slipped in there. Though to be fair, ‘Jitsu for Justice’ is a total classic.”

“Irrelevant,” Draxum huffed, “I have no desire to watch ANY of Lou Jitsu’s films, no matter how popular they may be. Once was more than enough...”

“Alright alright, I’ll- wait,” Mikey paused, “so you DID watch his movies?”

“Er, I- Not because I actually wanted to!” Draxum told him, “It was for research!” Mikey gave him a flat look. “He had stopped fighting in the Battle Nexus and I needed to study his moves! I-I didn’t enjoy doing it, if that’s what you’re implying! His movies were still ridiculous and completely unenjoyable! I would never actually-”

“Whatever you say, man,” Mikey shrugged, ignoring the Baron’s growls at being interrupted, “Though, how’d you watch ‘em anyway? I didn’t think that TV was that big of a thing down there?”

“I used my viewing orb to summon and display them, obviously,” Draxum told him, “Most yokai have them for when they need them, and they’re much more useful and clearer than any television box.”

“If you say so...” “Hmph.” With that settled, Draxum went back to digging through the bag of movies. It didn’t take long for another video to catch his eye, this one in a plastic case rather than a cardboard one, with a picture of a happy mermaid and an equally happy human plastered on it.

“Awwww!” Mikey said suddenly, “That was April’s favorite movie when she was little! Which meant it was one of the first movies she brought over to share with us! Heh, guess we borrowed it so often we forgot to give it back, whoops. But it’s a really good movie! See, there’s this mermaid who wants to live on land as a human, and she’s friends with a crab and-”

Draxum had begun to tune the turtle out as he continued to stare at the VHS case. Mermaids weren’t too common in the Hidden City itself, though that didn’t mean they weren’t there at all. The city was next to water, after all, and some would live on the shore or become part of an air-boat crew - and they certainly didn’t look like this.

He felt his thoughts start to swirl, becoming just as mixed as his emotions as a grimace began to form on his face. On one hand, Draxum supposed he should’ve been grateful that the humans were portraying a yokai positively - as cute and friendly instead of vicious creature that lived to drown humans. 

Centuries ago, before the Great Migration underground, Draxum had heard that and many other similar claims about his people... Baseless claims meant to justify hunts and attacking on sight...

On the other hand, did humans only see them as ‘harmless’ when used for entertainment purposes? Did they only approve of yokai existing when they only existed in fiction, where they could be used however humans saw fit? 

He was briefly reminded of the creatures - the ‘poke-o-mon’ - that he would occasionally see on shirts or on phones, creatures not directly based on yokai, but similar enough. He had to wonder how much other human entertainment was based on so-called fictional creatures and monsters that they never would have even smiled at before.

“-xum... Hey, Drax?” Mikey poked his bicep, making Draxum flinch. “You okay, bud-?”

“Fine,” Draxum snapped, though there was a little actual bite to it, “Just surprised that humans would portray a yokai so positively, even in fiction.”

“Most humans do think they’re just fiction,” Mikey told him. After a moment, his tone became a bit gentler, thinking back to certain points brought up by his father and April. “Though, I can still sorta see why that would feel weird or kinda insulting, seeing a fake version of yourself or your people and not knowin’ how they’d react to the real you, wondering if they would only like the fake you. That probably doesn’t feel the greatest... and I’m really sorry about that.”

Draxum blinked. He stared at the turtle for a few seconds before finally replying with, “You’re a lot more introspective than I would have thought.”

“I get that a lot,” Mikey grinned, “But hey, they don’t call me Dr. Feelings for nothing. So, did you wanna keep this one then, or- I mean, I can understand if-”

Draxum stopped him, looking at the tape again. “...I am admittedly curious,” he said, “You did say this was a movie humans watch as children.” Studying a species’ influences during adolescence could prove to be pretty useful in understanding the adults. “And besides, if the portrayal is truly offensive, I can always send a complaint to this ‘Walt Disney’ and demand certain edits.”

“Riiiiight, though I don’t think you’ll be too mad at this one,” Mikey told him, “Ariel is a great character, and all the other mermaids in the movie aren’t portrayed as jerks or anything. ...Well, one guy kinda is but, uh-”

“Let’s just watch it already,” Draxum told him, shoving the tape into his hand, “The sooner we start it, the sooner I can gauge whether or not it’s actually worth watching.”

Mikey smirked a little. “Heh, alright.” Opening the case, he pushed the tape in while Draxum went over to the couch they had gotten him at the thrift store, briefly checking it for bugs or lumps before sitting down. “Good thing it’s already rewound.”

The only annoying thing about that was that they had to sit through previews, though Mikey used that time to cook up some popcorn kernels that he had snagged on the way out of the Lair, easily cooking it using a pan and the stove top. (No one trusted Draxum with a microwave after That One Time.)

By the time he finished, the movie’s title had just faded onto the screen. Mikey smiled widely, the nostalgia from the music and the memories he had with the movie sending slight shivers up his shell. 

Draxum, meanwhile, was watching the film intently, taking in every detail. The mermaids in the film were still completely different than actual mermaids, but at least they weren’t an insulting caricature (even if they were a bit too human-like for his liking).

As it turned out, the main mermaid character was not only a bit of a collector and explorer, but also a human fanatic. “Ugh,” Draxum grumbled as he grabbed a couple more pieces of the puffed-up corn-snack. Mikey gave him a bit of a look, but he ignored it. Just because he had been able to find a bit of common ground and comradery with his fellow lunch servers didn’t mean he was willing to give ALL humans a pass.

At least the mermaid’s father seemed to have some common sense. In fact, Draxum found himself nodding in agreement with nearly every scene the mer-king was in. ...Up until a certain point, at least.

Mikey winced a bit as the scene began. He resisted the urge to go into his shell like he always had when he was little, but he did sink a little in his seat as Triton stepped out of the shadows. When he noticed Draxum glancing over at him, Mikey simply mumbled, “I always hate this scene...”

A couple minutes and a destroyed grotto later, and Draxum could sort of see what Mikey meant, understanding how Triton’s act might have been “harsh”, as the orange-wearing turtle would’ve put it.

As the movie moved onto the next seen, Mikey relaxed a little, though a frown remained on his face... However, his expression of sadness soon became one of confusion as he felt a hand pat the top of his head.

“Uh... there, there,” Draxum mumbled, giving Mikey one more head-pat before retracting his hand. It was awkward as all heck, they both knew it, but seeing the sheepman somewhat care about his feelings still made Mikey smile.

It didn’t take much longer for Ursula to make her appearance, and as soon as the Sea Witch began talking of deals and trades, Draxum gave a small smirk of his own.

“What?” Mikey asked, tilting his head a bit.

“I didn’t realize Big Mama was in this movie.”

Mikey snorted at that. “So what, you tell jokes now?”

The sheep-man shrugged as he grabbed another handful of popcorn. “Just making an observation,” he said simply. As the scene went on though, his mind made another small connection - Ursula’s two eels reminding him of his own pair of pets, even if Flotsam and Jetsam were much more confident than his former goyles.

Even so, the reminder made his chest ache a little... Not in sadness, mind you, or because he actually missed them. No, clearly his chest ached for a completely different reason that he was sure he’d think of later.

Once the little mermaid made the contract and silenced herself, the film very much became a literal ‘fish out of water’ story, complete with plenty of amusing moments featuring misunderstandings and an over-abundance of cuteness, as well as another musical number. Thankfully, before things became too saccharine, Ursula launched the second half of her plan to rule the seas.

After that, the movie moved pretty quickly through its third act. Draxum was a bit annoyed at the human prince being the one to ultimately save the day in the end, but overall he could agree that the ending was a pretty happy one.

As the credits rolled, Mikey looked at him with eyes wide. “Sooooo, what do you think?”

Draxum cupped his chin in thought, staying silent for a few moments before finally speaking. “...If the king’s trident had the power of transformation, why didn’t he just turn the prince into a merman?”

Mikey’s face fell. “...That’s what you got out of it?”

“It’s a valid question!” Draxum argued, “Why should she have to be the one to transform?”

“Because she wasn’t just after the guy!” Mikey told him, resisting the urge to facepalm, “You saw her collection and heard her song, she wanted to be human! She was tired of bein’ stuck in the same ocean and wanted something new - something she thought was cool!”

“Hmph, I suppose that’s true... Plus, she still has the option to turn back into a mermaid later on thanks to her father’s power, so at least there’s that.”

The box turtle slumped back on the couch, disappointed though maybe not too surprised. “I guess that means you didn’t really like it, huh?”

There was a long moment of silence. “I didn’t completely agree with the ending but... the film overall wasn’t too bad,” Draxum conceded, “Not as bad as I thought it’d be, at least?”

“...You really mean that?” Mikey asked, raising an eyebrow.

“I wouldn’t waste my time lying about something as trivial as animated human-entertainment,” Draxum replied, “And... there were high production values. Characters were mostly understandable, and it was... cute. Not too annoying or insufferable. Even if it was still slightly inaccurate to actual mermaids and mermen.”

“...You know what, I’ll take it. And I’m glad you enjoyed the movie, and not just for my sake.” With a bit of a ‘whup’, Mikey sat up and tucked his legs under his body in a sort of lotus position. “Though, now I’m kinda curious. What’d the movie get wrong, and what else can you tell me about merpeople? I only ever saw one, on Hueso’s brother’s ship, but that was only for like a second.”

This time, it was Draxum’s turn to give him a look. “Really... The child who’s always pushing me to ‘embrace humans’ and hide my ‘mystic stuff’ is asking me to teach him about a member of Yokaikind?”

“Hey, I only to tell you to hide your mystic stuff so you don’t get yourself evicted, fired or arrested,” Mikey retorted, “I’m not the one goin’ around mutatin’ kids and/or lunches and making giant stone heads angry.”

“...Fair enough,” Draxum said, only slightly reluctant.

“But as far as I can figure, there’s no harm in just talking about mystic stuff. And as for my actual interest... Yeah, I really do wanna know.” Unable to help himself, Mikey directed his gaze towards the floor - down towards the Hidden City that he knew was there. That he only now knew was there. 

He wouldn’t have traded his life with his dad in the sewers of NYC for anything, but he would’ve been lying if he said there wasn’t a small part of him that wondered what it would’ve been like to grow up around people that looked like him in a city full of magic.

“We protect humans, but we don’t like only humans, you know,” Mikey continued, “We’ve got other mutant friends, and yokai friends too.” His smile softened. “Senor Hueso and Sunita and the chefs I’ve met at Run of the Mill, they’re all so amazing. And I’ve only seen, like, a fraction of the Hidden City but I know that’s amazing too, and I just... This city - the surface - is always gonna be my home, but that doesn’t mean I don’t care about the other city or wonder about it.” 

He finally looked back at Draxum, his eyes firm. “So yeah... I wanna know.”

There was another moment of silence between them, though within it, the slightest bit of connection was formed. Small and fragile, but no less noticeable.

“...Fine,” Draxum finally agreed, “But pay attention, I don’t want to repeat myself later. First off, no merperson has the same skin tone as a human. They range between greens, blues and grays to help blend in with oceans. Their eyes are also much wider than a human’s to help them hunt.”

“Makes sense to me!” Mikey smiled, leaning back on his hands a little, though looking no less attentive. Even when the TV turned to quiet static, he kept his focus right on Draxum - a gesture the former warrior-scientist certainly appreciated, even if he didn’t say so outright.

“Merpeople are also able to survive outside of water. While mobility becomes an issue depending on how often they’re moving or traveling, they have no issues living on land - hence why some take to living on air-boats as a sort of compromise, plus it helps them travel across bodies of water in a shorter amount of time. They also don’t eat humans, despite the lies told about them, though they can be territorial when they are in the water - although you can’t blame them, especially if fish start to become scarce. Furthermore-”

It was sort of nice... Sure, Mikey had plenty he wanted to show and teach Draxum about humankind - and if all went well, then maybe there was a chance of Draxum having a change of heart. Maybe their technical creator wasn’t totally evil, and maybe one day, he really would be a better person and would understand what he and his family already knew. Mikey certainly hoped that would end up being the case...

But, in the meantime, maybe Mikey would end up learning a little from Draxum too. And honestly, as long as it wasn’t lecture series about ‘effectively destroying humans’ or anything like that, the orange turtle didn’t see anything wrong with that at all.

THE END

[crownin-thestars]

Same request by Wattpadder

This is the part 2

Part one

Also giving myself a small throwback to when I played Minecraft with my cousins

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

This trio had started hanging out together a lot more, and yes Skeppy is allowed to hangout with them after school(cuz apparently they go to the same school), but he has to be back home before 5pm because again reasons.

Mega has started to speak broken sentences when he's with them and they're super proud of him considering he's pretty much unable to talk. Just because they're broken doesn't mean he can't roast them tho.~

It turned out that they weren't the same age, with Skeppy as the youngest and Mega the oldest. The age gap wasn't extremely huge, Zelk had a one year age difference from the both of them.

Isn't it amazing how they have the privelage of having elemtry to high school in the same location? All good things however, must come to an end. Mega being the oldest had to graduate from Grassblock High first, meaning leaving the two, then eventually one, on their own.

Very soon, Zelk had to graduate from high school as well, leaving Skeppy alone. Without an excuse to leave the house, he's been living through hell on Earth. Now, I won't be going too deep into what happened because I'm assuming you're not here for that.

~Timeskip brought to you by the iDots SMP~

Mega laid in bed. It was the middle of the afternoon and he hadn't planned to do anything that day. A noise emitted from his phone, gaining his attention. That noise was for when he got a text from one of his old friends. It had been forever since they last talked to each other, so it confused it.

He flipped over to grab his phone from the bedside table, checking the notification. It was indeed from an old friend. The mute smiled, remembering the memories he had with the both of them.

Yo guys, you wanna

hang today?

It's been way too

long

Lmao duh Zelk

Mega sat up from the bed, going over to his closet to change out. After changing, he went to check his messages again to see if Skeppy had replied. He didn't even read the message

Just us?

I guess yeah

He reached for his green scarf before leaving, telling his caretakers goodbye.

What happened to Skeppy you're asking? He went for a walk, and his mom took away his hand phone privileges because of grades.

Hate to hear that, yeah.

The moment the two saw each other, a wave of nostalgia came over them. They gave each other a tight hug.

"Dude I've missed you." Zelk told him. Mega nodded in agreement. They quickly broke up the hug before anyone around thought they were a thing. Because, y'know, homophobs are a thing for some reason.

Walking over to the pizza place they planned to go to, they bypassed a little wired fence. That is until something caught Mega's eye. He stopped to take a look, Zelk almost walking off without him. There was a blue piece of cloth sort of stuck on it. It seemed to be ripped of by it. He recognised it from somewhere, but where?

"Please no!! Someone help!!" Their attention was diverted to the direction of the cry. That's when the realisation hit him. The cloth was ripped off from him.

"That kinda sounds like Skeppy, doesn't it?" Zelk pointed out. Mega didn't even acknowledge the question, quickly running off in that direction. The cries were right outside the pizza place they were going to. He halted right at the alleyway next to it.

Another scream escaped from the child's throat as the man in there with him raised his arm. Mega's eyes widened. Zelk just managed to catch up to Mega, not even knowing why he ran off. "Get a staff." He said surprisingly clearly. Despite the shock, Zelk obliged.

Mega sprinted over to the man and gripped his arm just before it managed to swing down on the boy. He had a knife in hand, making it obvious of what his motives were.

"Skeppy, stay away!" He yelled, trying to snatch the weapon from him. Before he could reach it, the man swapped hands and slashed at Mega. Skeppy squealed in fear, tears streaming down. The knife cut his face, but it wasn't deep.

Right on cue, out came Zelk with a staff member. The man's eyes widened, dropping his knife and attempting to run away. Mega, being the little jackass he is inside, attempted to trip him. It didn't really work but it did slow him down. The employee quickly stopped the murderous man from leaving, dragging him out of the alleyway, possibly to keep an eye on him while he calls the cops.

As Mega was processing what had just happened, Skeppy tackled him into a hug.

"BRO I THOUGHT I WAS A GONER!!" He yelled, still sobbing from the traumatic event he had just been through. "ALSO YOU TALKED NORMALLY!!" He decided to add.

"Snapped, I guess." He chuckled slightly, returning the hug. Zelk smiled at the little scene as Skeppy and Mega's bond was never as close as he was with Mega(oh god that sounds confusing I really hope you understood that). "Still as giggly as last time?" He teased, giving the younger a small tickle. He squirmed away, giggling lighty.

"Yes! It still hurts though!" Skeppy wrapped his arms around his abdomen, as if it was going to protect him. "It's not like you're any different!" He clapped back.

"Shut up, Skep." He hid his face in the scarf he was wearing to hide his embarrassment. Both yelped in surprise when they were both pulled into another hug session initiated by Zelk.

"You guys were nearly murdered and this is what you talk about?" They all shared a small laugh at the statement.

"It's not illegal to lighten the mood a bit." Mega replied, pulling out of the hug. He walked over to the knife and used his scarf to pick it up.

"Dude why are you taking that with you people are gonna think you're the murderer here." Skeppy questioned, joking about the situation a bit at the same time. Ah it seems he knows nothing about evidence in court.

When they left the alleyway, police cars could be seen. The man that had just attempted to kill Skeppy was now in cuffs and was being led to one of the cars. Before they left, Mega quickly ran over to one of the cops, showing him the weapon of choice.

When he gave the object to the officer, he rejoined the two waiting up for him. "Still having pizza?" Zelk asked.

"YOU GUYS WERE GETTING PIZZA WITHOUT ME??" Skeppy yelled, causing the two to crack up.

Ever since this whole ordeal, the three have been keeping in close touch with each other, making sure to check on Skeppy's health from then on. It's safe to say that friendship really can last forever.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Word count: 1179 words

Hope I did okay with this part! Been watching EnchantedMob's Disconnected movie a lot and then while writing this I just kinda wanted to implement it in here.

Also, if you're wondering, yes Mega is still a mute. It was just that in that very moment, he didn't remember anything from before because his main and only thought at that time was 'Save Skeppy'. After he processed everything he became himself again tho.

Edit: Jfc I also lost a fair bit of sleep from writing this lmao

[devourer--of--books]

So, I just started to play Obey Me! Shall We Date

And well, I have thoughts

Im currently stuck on the first levels of lesson 5, so my knowledge of the plot is limited to that + some spoilers I accidentally got while going though the obey me! tag. Do I have a deep understanding of this game? No. Am I gonna rant anyway? Yeah. See me do another one of these soon after I play it some more, but for now, I need to put this out there:

First, mechanics-wise, the first thing on my mind was "Mr. Love from Hell", which is honestly not too far fetched. Maybe it's because I'm playing in my old ass tablet (I need a new phone, this thing ain't gonna survive 2020) but it's just so slow??? I've tried downloading full data, and it kinda helped, but still, it just annoys me so much! It's not crashing like crazy (cof cof Love Island The Game cof cof) but it could be better, it takes forever to get the itens to level up cards because it just ????????? takes forever for them to load???? anyone else got this problem or it's just my device? Anyway, that aside, I quite like it, if you played MLQC, it's pretty easy to manage, and while it takes a bit more of attention to win battles, I think that's a good thing. Getting shards has a been a bitch, like, I keep on suffering with the loading and my competitive ass wants to finish begginer's missions, and again I think Mr. Love has spoiled me. Also, someone please tell me how to level up skills, because I have no idea???

Now, moving on to the actual tea: what do I think of these boys?

Let's go in order, shall we:

So, I open the app and I see Lucifer in all his red and black glory, furry cape, Dom-Daddy, Big D Energy for days and go "Oh, Demon!Nobunaga, fun!". I'm immediately drawn to him beacause Nobu was my first ever otome guy and while I eventually grew out of the whole "this man is so controlling and sexy and dark" phase, nostalgia ya know? So, turns out the vibe I keep getting from Lucifer is more like all those dark-kinky-Jumin-Han-fanfics (as in, the only parts of Jumin Han that I hate) rather than Nobu? Idk man, this guy just seems shady?? They all do honestly but Lucifer is just plain scary. Dude, I know you've got the whole "most-powerful-oldest-control-freak" going for you but, like, can you chill?

Yet I can't really blame him, cause, Veronica (that's my MC's name) why, girl???? She be going up those stairs, and I'm just ??? Real talk, I'm kinda of a rule follower? I don't wanna make this guy mad, man, all I wanna do is hit on Satan (which we shall discuss soon) and see some family drama shenanigans. Lucifer says "don't go up those stairs" I'd be like "okay???" because up until now he hasn't given me a reason to not trust him (aside from being shady)??? But I have no choice but go talk to Belphegor (don't even get me started on this one) and I can just tell I'm gonna get in trouble for this. Could I not get there accidentally? Do I have to go there against Lucifer's direct orders? I don't think this is gonna go well, I just don't wanna get on his bad side hskshskshk

Lucifer's room, however, is everything to me, the deco is lovely (skeleton aside) and that bed, maaaannnn

Mammon started really annoying but he's been growing on me. I have a soft spot for dumb bitches like him, I guess? He just cracks me up? Not to be cheesy, but I like him as a friend? Maybe that'll change in the future, who knows, but for now that's how I see him, the best friend guy who is gonna be in love with you in every single route (read, Seven, but dumber). Can't wait for the angst. Looks wise I kind got him mixed with Solomon at some point (my dumbass though it was a bug) but all those Surprise Guest moments have me thinking he's way cuter than I gave him credit for at first.

I always feel bad for ratting him out to Lucifer, but boy, you and Veronica practically share one single brain cell, okay? I need to get my girl into Lucifer's good graces, I ain't about that troublemaker life

Levi is gonna be brief: No. He's not my type (otome or real life wise) and he annoys me. He reminded me a bit of Yoosung at first, and I'm trying to power though it like I did with him, but I can't. He keeps dragging me into his stuff and it's not cute, it makes me resent Levi. I'm not much of a tsundere enthusiast by nature, and I really don't like when they portray fans and gamers in this kinda "I'm weird, look at me I'm so weird and different" light ("have you ever seen me without this stupid hat on? that's weird" jsjdndmsksjdnsmskdjnddm). It comes across (to me at least) as childish and dumb (not endearing dumb, like Mammon). Idk, maybe I'll change my mind? Don't come for me, Levi stans

So Satan

I love Satan

Otome makes you say the strangest shit hm

Still. I haven't interacted much with him but I'm obsessed with this man. Let me date you, okay? You look like posh book-cat-candle super model I wish existed. Let's be petty together. Since I haven't been playing long I hope I don't end up regretting putting my heart and soul into loving you. I'm doing all kinds of jobs to get intimacy go up with him, because guyghbkhiugiygufgfydddyghvjgvjg I'm all about that soft dom energy he has going for him, it's basically everything I love about Jumin Ham, but less CEO and more cute-bookstore-guy. Ideally, Satan is 100% my type, even if not the usual otome route I take first. Also, he is the Avatar of Wrath, which, along with Pride, is my most prominent sin, so I might be projecting

Pls babe don't turn out to be terrible

Kay, so Asmo. Asmo gives me all the Shingen vibes but realistic Shingen. Like, of Shingen is all about worshiping his MC, Asmo looks like he wants to be worshiped himself. Not judging, tho. That thing he said about loving himself above all things, I feel like it was supposed to be shady but I kinda agree? He's onto something. All this self-sacrifing thing is so romanticized. Can't we all be in healthy non co-dependent relationships? Love yourselves, kids. Which is why, while I said Satan is my ideal type of man, in real life, most of the people I've been with are Asmos. That being said, that's why he doesn't really work as an otome LI for me (at least for now). I'm here to live a fantasy of dating demons, not to see my exes. He is tempting tho. Who doesn't want a friend to do face masks and fuck from time to time, no strings attached until, "oh no, we both caught feelings, whatever shall we do" and then have it end well? (can you tell I'm projecting? my therapist is gonna love this). Poor Asmo, it's not his fault. Darling I'm sure you'll turn out to be lovely

On Beel, not much. I'm not into him, at least for now. his personality so far is that he's hungry. So what, man. I'm not here for that either. I don't find food particularly fun or sexy, it's just here to keep us alive (unless it's sweets, sweets are the best, but I'm having to cut down on sweets so), so he's not doing much for me. Gotta wait for that character development I guess

And to end this rant, Belphegor. Bitch, I've seen you on my demon cards, don't you dare tell Veronica you're human. But she's a dumb hoe, my girl Veronica, so she just doesn't question it???? I swear, this girl. Shady doesn't even cut it with him. Sorry, you're telling me what to do? Dude, lol, you're lucky this is Veronica and not me, because I'd be out of there as soon as you started this bull about me doing pacts with demons to get your ass out of that room. Don't prey on my empathy, it pisses me off. Spoilers tell me he's like a human-hater or something? Boy, fuck you, okay? Am I going to end up loving him? Who knows. For now he can rot in that room for all I care

Anyway, that's pretty much my first impressions of this game. I'll be playing it for some more time, until I get up to date on lessons and story or until colleges comes to drag me to literal hell, whatever comes first

Peace, my dudes

[softmintmochi]

Word Count: 8,982

Genre: Angst, Smut, Floof

Warnings: Love making, pretty vanilla (not my kinkiest work but I decided with the theme it should be kept kinda soft)

Summary: Being a single mother had gone smoothly for the most part so far. Ten years living in bliss with your beautiful daughter. However, when you run into her father and his family, your world is shaken up, and it seems you two have a lot of catching up to do.

Everything happens for a reason. That's what you've always told yourself. Something good will come your way. You'll find love. All the little lies you've told yourself every day for the last ten years echo through your mind, keeping you composed when you feel like breaking. The only things that keep you sane these days are those thoughts and your little girl, Sooyeon. She is the best thing in your life. She is your whole world. She is your love right now.

"Mommy?" You hear her soft voice call out from behind you. "Yes, Sweetheart?" You ask, setting down your wine glass as you sit up on the couch. "Can you help me with this? I don't understand what they're asking me to do." She pouts, holding her papers out towards you. You smile warmly, patting the edge of the couch. "Of course. Come sit." You beckon, her small form bouncing as she takes her seat on the ground next to you. This is your night, almost every night. She was smart, but she knew when to ask for help, and you gladly accepted, helping her with her homework.

Over the years you've watch her grow into a beautiful, smart, sweet young lady. These past ten years since you had her had gone by way too fast for your liking, and you wish you could slow time so she won't grow up and leave the next time you blink. She's very kind hearted, offering to help the old woman down the hall with her groceries. She's absolutely adorable, and you know she'll grow up to be stunning. Just like her father.

After she finishes her homework she gets ready for bed herself, you tucking her in and kissing her goodnight before relaxing back into your usual spot on the couch, sipping your wine. It's nights like this, after Sooyeon goes to sleep, that you wish you had someone, a companion, to keep you company. It's sad to admit, but you hadn't been with anyone since him. Maybe it's because you're very picky about who you bring around Sooyeon, or maybe it's because you've never moved on. Either way, all you knew was that the best thing you can do is drown yourself in wine and try to forget.

It's Friday after school, and as your weekly tradition stands, you let Sooyeon pick something fun to do together. "Mommy, can we get ice cream?" She asks, holding your hand as you walk through the crowd. "You know what? I think that's a great idea." You pull her closer to the side. She smiles so brightly it puts the sun to shame, a bounce in her step as you make your way to the small ice cream shop you've been going to since you were a child.

The bell rings as you push the door open, the welcoming atmosphere sending a wave of nostalgia through you. "Alright sweetie, what are you g-" You stop in your tracks as a familiar, normally soft voice floods your ears. You look up, gasping softly as you look up to counter, a family, parents and two kids, stand there, the man on the phone. Your daughter runs, looking at the ice cream through the glass as the employee greets her by name. "No, I don't care how much they want! We can't lose this deal!" The man shouts into his phone, your daughter jumping at his stern voice. The fear on her face pushes you into mom mode, running over and placing your hands on her shoulders soothingly. You barely trust your voice at this point, but to calm your daughter, you speak.

"Hey! Can you not yell please? You're scaring my daughter." You say sternly, grabbing his attention. As his eyes meet yours, his entire face softens, his plush lips parted as he stares at you. His eyes never leave yours, the soft brown eyes you've missed for years, longing for them to fall on you again, were finally trained on you, and you had no idea what to do. You hear a faint voice on the other end of the phone, the man's lips quivering slightly. "Honey, come on, we need to hurry, you know I have a nail appointment in less than an hour and we have to be done soon so the nanny can pick up the kids. Let's go." The wife urges, sighing when her husband doesn't respond. "I swear you're such a spaz. I can't believe I agreed to a marriage with you." She spits, digging into his pocket and grabbing his wallet herself.

You glare at him, uncomfortable under his stare. "Sweetie, go ahead and order. It's alright." You coo to your daughter, patting on the back while turning away from him. "Uh, yeah, I need to go. Just do whatever you need to do." He clears his throat, as if you breaking eye contact has broken him from his trance. "Uh, actually, I wanna pay for them too, is that alright?" He asks the cashier, his wife grimacing. "No, please. I have quite enough money thank you very much." You stutter, but he shakes his head. "I never said you didn't." He bends down, getting level with your daughter. "I'm sorry I yelled. Please, pick whatever you want. It's on me." He smiles brightly, sending a wave of ache through your chest. Sooyeon doesn't think into it, quickly ordering the most expensive sundae on the menu. "Sweetie, I think that's a little much, don't you?" You stutter, irritated by his offer. "Please, it's no trouble. I really want to do this." He insists, already running his card.

You roll your eyes, allowing it to happen, no longer fighting it. Your daughter beams as she gets her sundae, carrying it with two hands to a table. The entire time you sit with her, you feel uncomfortable as you notice his eyes trained on you. Is this really happening? Never in a million years did you think you'd be in a situation like this. You thought about it, even feared it, but you never thought it'd actually happen. Living through it, this is the second worse experience of your life. You bounce your leg nervously under the table, waiting anxiously for Sooyeon to finish so you can leave. As soon as she's finished you pull her out of there quickly. For some reason, you wish he'd call out to you, begging you to stay, but he doesn't. It hurts, but you're not surprised.

Once you're safe in the confines of your home you sigh in relief. "Mommy?" Sooyeon asks while hanging her backpack up on the hook. You kneel down, smiling at her. "Yes baby?" You ask, rubbing her arm. "Who was that guy at the ice cream shop? He kept looking at you like he knew you." She says, and your heart skips a beat. "I don't know who he is, sweetie. Why don't you go play in your room for a bit before you get ready for bed, yeah?" You suggest, and she nods, obviously not satisfied with your answer but understanding.

As the night passes you feel on edge, the sight of him rattling you to the bone. Him and his family. His wife, and he even had children. How could you be so stupid all of these years? All this time holding out, keeping to yourself, your feelings for him still lingering, yet he seems to have completely moved on. He has more kids. Whether it be his father's wishes or his own decision, he still has kids. You can't help but think of what happened ten years ago.

"It's okay, baby. You'll do great. I'll be right there with you." He assured you as the nurses wheeled you to the delivery room. At 17, this was the absolute scariest moment of your life. Sure your mom and boyfriend were here, but fear hung in the air. Would it be okay? Did you do something wrong? Even through all of this, you knew that he would never leave your side. Even when the doctors decided you were going to have a C-section, he still stayed by you the entire time. After a while it was finally over, the cries of your baby somehow calming you. You lay there on the hospital bed, him placing soft kisses on your temple as your mother whispered praises. Before you could even hold your baby girl, the door bursts open, a very angry man practically steaming. "Kim Seokjin, what the hell is going on here?" He booms, glaring at his son. "Dad, I'm not leaving. You can't make me! I'm a father now and I'm going to stay here with Y/N and take care of my child!" Your boyfriend shouts, his grip on your hand growing tighter. "Like hell you are. Do you realize what a scandal like this could do to my company? You're coming with me whether you like it or not. You're going to marry who I chose and there is no way in hell you're staying with this tramp." His father spits, making you gasp. Before you know it, Mr. Kim has Seokjin in a hold so tight that no matter how hard he tries, he can't break free, struggling and shouting as he's pulled out of the room, your baby crying nearby. You sob as Seokjin calls out to you, fighting to stay, but rendered useless. That's the last time you saw him.

Sooyeon is in bed, fast asleep when your phone rings. You read the caller ID, and you can't believe it. After all these years, he still has the same number. Tears threaten to escape as you ignore the call. Sighing as it's over, your lip quivers as it starts up again. Seven times. He calls seven times in a row before you can't take it anymore. On the eighth ring, you reluctantly pick up the phone, clearing your throat before answering. You say nothing, not trusting your voice just yet, waiting for him to speak. "It's been a while, hasn't it, Y/N?" His voice sends chills down your spine, a pang of ache through your chest. "It has." You agree, your voice shaky. "You look great." He says, and you hum in response. "And, was that-" He cuts off, seemingly unable to finish his sentence. "Yeah. It was. Is." You nod, a soft whimper ringing through the phone. "Oh my God." He whispers, his voice cracking a bit. "She's beautiful. Just like her mother." He sighs, and you bite your lip, trying to hold back your tears. "What do you want, Seokjin?" You cut to the chase, hoping to end this conversation soon. "I wanted to catch up. Seeing you today, I just couldn't help but think about that day. I'm so sorry, Y/N. I didn't want to leave. After my dad pulled me out of there I-"

"No." You stop him, not being able to handle an explanation. "I don't want to hear it. Just tell me why you're calling right now." He sighs, and you hear rustling in the background. "I also wanted to know why you haven't cashed in any of the checks we've sent you." He admits. You nod, even though he can't see it. "I don't need your money. I get on just fine without your money." You huff. "Y/N, please. I want to do whatever I can for our daughter." He begs. "Yeah, well, you gave up that opportunity when you left me in the hospital." You spit. There's a moment of silence, before a shaky breath from his end has you almost breaking down. "What's her name? Please, at least give me that." He begs.

You mull it over for a few moments, sighing as you give in. "It's Sooyeon. Her name is Sooyeon." You tell him. "Sooyeon. You- You named her after my- why?" He stutters. "Because, your sister was an amazing girl and one of my best friends. I wanted to carry on her memory." You admit sadly. Kim Sooyeon had been your best friend for years, until she got in a car crash with some of her friends when you were 16. She didn't make it, and you were there every step of the way to comfort her brother, your boyfriend, Kim Seokjin. Even though you always hoped he'd come back after your daughter was born, you never thought you'd actually be telling him this. There are no words, only silence from your end and soft sobbing from his. "Y/N, you're just as amazing as you were back then." He sniffles, breaking your heart. "Yeah, well, I didn't do it for you. I did it for Sooyeon. Now, don't you have to get back to your family or something?" You huff. "Oh, uh, not really. Jungmeyon is out with God knows who and the kids are staying with the nanny tonight since I have an early meeting." He explains, and nods.

No matter how much you want to continue talking to him, your heart can't take much more. You don't want to know about how he doing or what his family life is like or any of that. If you can't be with him, you don't want to know. "Alright, Seokjin, is that all? I'd like to get to sleep." You sigh. "Oh, of course. Thank you for finally talking to me, Y/N." He says softly, you taking a deep breath. "Goodbye, Seokjin." You whisper before hanging up. You tilt your head back against the couch, trying not to break, but once the first tear escapes, you know it's all over. You break down, sobbing into your knees on the couch. You're glad that Sooyeon is asleep. She's never seen you cry before, and you don't plan on letting her see it until her wedding day.

After your cry, you pull yourself together, making your way to your way to your bed, needing as much rest as possible before you go to work.

It's been a week and a half since that day, and you easily fell back into your daily system. You hadn't heard from Seokjin again, and you can't tell if you're happy or sad about that. However, you do feel that in that phone call, you found closure. You feel at ease now, knowing that the day you always feared had finally blown over, and nothing bad actually happened. Now you can live your life happily. That's what you believe, anyway. It's when a certain couple walks into your boutique that you feel your world shattering once more.

"How the hell could you take me to this shabby little place? I deserve way better than this." The woman scoffs, looking around in disgust. The voice sounds familiar to you, and as you look over the racks of clothes, you see the woman that was with Seokjin at the ice cream shop the other week, with a man who is definitely not Seokjin. "I know, of course you do, but we're here to get clothes you wouldn't normally wear so we can actually go out to places together." The man whispers loudly, making her roll her eyes. "Still, don't you think even in disguise we should at least look good? Look at this shit. Polyester? Disgusting." She spits, causing you to shake your head.

They walk around for a while, and you just stay behind the counter, hoping they don't actually buy anything. There's only one other person working with you today and it was a newbie who you'd been training, so you busy yourself with showing her how to do stuff behind the counter. You let her ring up a few customers, showing her how to work the register, when the "lovely couple" comes up, a pile of clothes in his arms. "Hello." Your trainee greets them warmly. The man nods and the woman rolls her eyes, until they fall on you. "Hey, you're that girl with the whiny brat at the ice cream place the other day. You cost my husband ten bucks." She smirks, noticing your jaw tightening.

"Yeah, well, he was kind enough to offer, with at least one decently mannered parent your children should hopefully turn out okay." You smile, causing everyone to look at you in shock. "Excuse me, my husband is not a 'decently mannered' person. I'm way nicer than him. He's a cold hearted, selfish asshole that only cares about his job." She huffs, her lips in a tight line. 'That's bullshit. He's the kindest, most loving man I've ever met.' You think to yourself, surprised at how angry her words have made you. "Is that why you're here with someone else buying clothes to wear so no one recognizes you with another man?" She gasps at your words, placing a hand on her chest. "How dare you accuse me of infidelity! I want to speak to your manager right now! I'll get you fired and you and that stupid kid of yours will be living on the streets within a week." She cries, practically jumping over the counter. You smile politely, taking all of the clothes they picked out and putting the on the back counter.

"Ma'am, I am the manager, and I must say we don't serve snobby bitches like you, so I suggest you get the fuck out of my store, because I refuse to sell you anything." You smile, folding your hands in front of you. Her face is almost red, you're expecting steam to spill out of her ears. "Come on, darling, let's just go. We can't cause a scene, we can't have anyone noticing who you are." Her gentleman partner begs, holding onto her. You know she wants to do more, your sly smile only pressing her even further, but she spins on her heel, strutting out of the store. As soon as she leaves you sigh, rubbing your temples. "Uh, M-Miss Y/N?" Your trainee stutters. "Are we actually allowed to kick her out?" You nod, smiling. "If any customer ever gives you a hard time, like if they're super rude to you or threaten you or something like that, you are allowed to refuse service to them." You explain, and she nods in understanding.

The rest of the day goes fairly smoothly, you pick up Sooyeon from school, make dinner and help her with her homework. Once she goes to sleep, however, you groan loudly as your phone rings. "What?" You huff after reluctantly answering. "Do you mind telling me exactly what happened between between you and Jungmeyon today?" Seokjin sounded a bit irritated, setting you off. "Your wife came into my shop today and had the nerve to call my daughter a whiny brat!" You shout quietly, overwhelmed by rage but still attentive enough to not wake up Sooyeon. "Hey, she's my daughter too. Why did she say that?" He asks. "Because Sooyeon got scared and you bought her the sundae. Said we cost you ten bucks." You huff. "Oh my God. Y/N, I'm so sorry. I lost track of her a long time ago and she does this kind of stuff all the time." He sighs. "Well maybe if you paid more attention your wife wouldn't be out with other guys making trouble."

There's some silence, and you wonder if you've said too much. "What did he look like?" He asks. "Um, well, younger, but tall. Fit, but kind of baby faced. Dark hair and earrings." You explain softly. There's a hum in response yet, and you don't know why, but it makes you nervous. "So she was with Jungkook today." His voice seems darker, deeper than before. "Nowadays I can't keep up with how many guys she has. I think he's the newest one, a new employee of mine." He says calmly. Your mouth hangs open, completely in shock. "You know she cheats on you and you let her?" You ask. "Yeah. I mean, it's not like we love each other. Arranged marriages are weird, typically made to benefit the parents and further their business ventures." He explains, and you nod. "That's a sad marriage if you don't love each other." You pout. "Well, there's only one woman I've ever loved." You can practically hear the smile in his words as your heart catches in your throat.

"You don't, uh, you don't cheat, do you?" You ask. "Y/N, I'm offended." He gasps playfully, and you giggle softly. "No, I don't cheat. I've never found anyone that was really worth it, even though it wouldn't matter if I did." The trace of hurt in his voice breaks your heart, but it's at this point that you guys are just talking pretty casually, like two old friends just catching up. Then you remember what it actually is. Old lovers talking only because his wife must've complained about you.

"Seokjin..." You start, but trail off. "I miss that." He says, catching you off guard. "Miss what?" You ask. "You saying my name. Your voice, it's not much different from when we were younger. Maybe a little lower now, but it still sounds so sweet." He says, making your heart race. "Seokjin I-" "Y/N, say it, please? My nickname. Please say it." He begs, and you can feel tears stinging your eyes. "Jinnie..." You say, a small sob escaping your lips. "Ah, Y/N. I miss you." He sighs. You openly sob at this point, not caring it he hears. "Baby please, don't cry." He cooes over the phone, but you wish he was there holding you. "You can't say those things." You choke out. "You're a married man." "I may be married, but that doesn't mean I love her. I told you that. Y/N, I still love you. I've never stopped loving you." He says softly. "Someone's gonna hear you if you keep saying stuff like that." You whimper, wiping away your tears. "No one's here, darling. Please, stop crying." He begs. Try as you might, you can't stop the river of tears from flowing.

"Y/N, please, let's meet somewhere so we can talk about things. I want to see you." He says, and you shake your head. "No, Seokjin. You can't be caught with another woman. I don't care how much you miss me, being seen with me will ruin your image." You insist, much to his disapproval. "I don't care what people think of me. I want to do things that make me happy, and seeing you would make me happy. Please, darling. One date." He says. "No. We can't. I have to go. Goodbye." You say, pulling the phone away from your ear. You hear shouting from the other end, but you hang up without another word, no longer wanting to hurt yourself anymore.

"I just, I don't know what to do." You sigh, leaning back in your chair. Sooyeon plays outside as you sit in your mom's house, visiting for Sunday dinner. "I still can't believe that actually happened. I mean what's the chance of just running into each other at an ice cream shop? Sounds like some kind of fairy tale or something." Your mom chuckles, and you glare at her. "You're right, my bad. What did he actually say to you the other night?" She asks. "He said that she cheats on him all the time and he misses me and he never stopped loving me and all that kind of stuff." You click your tongue. "Did he sound sincere?" She asks.

His words ring through your head, and you nod. "Well, how do you feel about him? Have you still not seen anyone?" She asks, taking your glance at the floor as confirmation. "Y/N, he was a sweet kid. You need to take the chance, see how things go." She suggests. "Yeah but he's married! I can't see a married man!" You cry. "Sweetheart, your father was married when I met him." She sighs.

You look at her with wide eyes. You never heard anything about your father, and you turned out just fine, which is why you weren't worried about raising Sooyeon the same way. "What?" You ask, almost breathless. "Technically, your father is still married. I was young, very young, and he was older and charming. I fell for him and became his mistress, until I had you. After I became pregnant he wanted nothing to do with me. All of his words and promised were lies, but I was young and stupid and even though I shouldn't have believed them I did. You, however, you know Seokjin, and he's so sweet, I don't think he'd ever be able to lie to you. Besides, you already have a child together, it's not like he's going to toss you to the side if you get pregnant. I think it'd be a good idea to meet with him, even if it's only once. You need closure, Y/N. Going out with him should give you that."

Her words bounce around in your head, shaking up your whole world. Your father was an adulterer, and you never knew. You still don't know who your father is, but it hurts that once you came around he completely abandoned your mother. She is right though. She trusted lies, yet you know Seokjin, and you can tell he's sincere. There's no harm in at least trying, right? You nod, showing her your agreement. You both look out the window, seeing Sooyeon play with her toys. "Does she know about any of it?" Your mother asks, and you shake your head. "I don't want to tell her anything and give her hopes up. Maybe one day I will, when she's older." You reply. "I guess I'll give him a call later." You sigh. "Well hold on now. Why don't you go upstairs and talk to him now, and try to do something tonight, and Sooyeon can stay here with me for the night." Your mom suggests, and you lean over to kiss her on the cheek. "Thanks, Mom." You smile before rushing upstairs.

The phone rings a few times before he picks up. "Well, this is a surprise." He says, you hearing the smile on his lips. "I accept." You say. "Uh, what?" He asks, and you chuckle. "What you asked the other night. I accept your offer. Let's meet up." You smile. "Are you serious? That's great! Uh, when do you want to do it?" He asks excitedly. "Are you busy now?" You ask nervously. "No, no I'm not. I was just doing some paperwork but that can wait. Where are you? I'll come pick you up and we can go somewhere, wherever you want." He says, and it warms your heart how happy he sounds. "I'm at my mom's house right now. Same place. And please, text me when you get here. I have Sooyeon here and I don't want her to know right now." You sigh, and he hums. "I get it. Alright. I'll be over there soon. Thank you, Y/N. See you in a bit." He says, making you smile. "See you soon." You smile before hanging up.

You go back downstairs, nodding to your smiling mother, and she cheers. "So tonight?" She asks with the biggest smile you've seen on her in years. "Tonight." You smile and nod. "Where are you going? What are the plans?" She asks excitedly. "He said he'll pick me up and we can go wherever I want, but I think I just wanna go home. You know I'm not a very high end woman, I like simple things. We can just go home and if he hasn't eaten yet I'll cook and we can just catch up. It's not a date date, it's just, you know, catching up." You shrug, sipping your glass of water.

It's a nerve wracking wait, but eventually your phone beeps, the text saying that he's here popping up. "Okay, please, take Sooyeon upstairs and keep her distracted until I'm gone. I don't want her knowing about this." You say, standing up. Your mom nods, and as she grabs Sooyeon, bringing her upstairs after you give your daughter a kiss goodbye, you finally notice what you're wearing. You're only wearing jeans and a sweater, and you feel very underdressed, but then you remember you're only going home.

You take a deep breath, whispering words of encouragement to yourself before opening the door. Your heart practically skips a beat when you see him, dressed in a suit, leaning up against an expensive black car with the sweetest smile on his face. You smile back, hurrying to meet up with him. As you stand in front of him, looking at the face you've missed so much, you realize how much he's grown. He's gotten taller, he's matured, his cheeks no longer as puffy, his facial features finally filling out. By the way his eyes roam over you, you can tell he's thinking the same thing.

His arms reach out to you, but you only pat them, giving him a small smile. "Not here. When we get there." You say quietly, and he nods. He opens the passenger door for you, letting you climb in before closing the door and rounding over to the driver's side. As he gets in and the door is finally closed he looks over to you, smiling sweetly at you. You look so mature, even more beautiful than you were when you were younger, and he's almost speechless. "So, darling, where did you want to go?" He asks, and your breath hitches at the nickname. He said it over the phone, but now here, in person, only about a foot away from each other, it feels different. It feels completely real.

"Um, well, I'm not exactly dressed very well, so I was thinking maybe we just go back to mine? Have you eaten yet?" You ask. "Oh, uh, no, I guess not. I get so caught up in paperwork that most of the time I forget to eat." He chuckles anxiously. "Well then, we can go back to mine and I'll whip something up." You nod and he smiles, nodding back. The only words between you after that are just you telling him how to get to your house, which isn't too far away.

He follows silently as you lead him upstairs, unlocking your door and stepping in, his hand reaching past your head to hold the door open for you. You put your stuff down and look back expectantly as he looks around. "It's nice. Not too bad. You were right, you do do well on your own." He smiles, recalling your words from your first conversation. Now that you two are alone, standing in your apartment, you start to feel butterflies in your stomach as you stare at each other longingly. Your breath quickens, and everything from your past together starts rushing to you, but you bite back all of the tears and smile. This is a time to be happy, catch up, be together. "You hungry?" You smile at him.

You lead him to the kitchen, opening your cupboards to see what you have. You click your tongue while you look, and Seokjin steps behind you, his broad shoulders blocking your light. "Do you have chicken?" He asks, and you shudder. "Uh, yeah, in the uh, the fridge." You stutter. "And iceberg lettuce?" He asks, and you nod. "Well then, looks like I can make chicken katsu." He says, catching you off guard. "You make i-" You start and turn around, but stop once you realize how close he is, looming over you, practically trapping you against the counter. "Yeah, go ahead. Sit down. You seem a bit flustered, so I'm fine with cooking." He smiles warmly, and you look away as your face heats up. You nod, slipping past him quickly to sit down at the dining table to keep an eye on him, just to make sure he doesn't burn your house down.

He takes his suit jacket off, draping it over a chair before loosening his tie, taking it off as well and putting it over the jacket. You watch attentively as he unbuttons the top buttons of his shirt and rolls up his sleeves, bitting your lip as you take in the view. You hear a deep chuckle, causing you to look him in the eyes and realize, you've been caught. "You know, darling, you're not too bad yourself. Time has done wonders to you." He smiles. "Please, I don't look half as good as you." You giggle, and he laughs. "I think you look way better." You blush at his words.

Its pretty quiet after that, him concentrated on making food and you concentrated on watching him cook. "All done! Where's the plates?" He asks. You hop up, going to the cupboard and grabbing two plates. He puts the food on them and you grab the chopsticks and you both set the table together. "It smells so good." You smile, suddenly hungry again. "It tastes even better, try it." He smiles, grabbing a piece and holding it out to you. You look at him, not sure whether you should or not. It seems too flirty and he's still married. "Oh come on, Y/N, just take the bite." He sighs exasperatedly. You smile before leaning forward taking the bite as he smiles.

"Oh my God, it is good!" You gasp. "I told you! I'm not that hopeless, I know how to cook." He insists, sounding slightly offended. "Well you used to be terrible at it. You remember when you came over for my birthday and I was craving an omelet and you almost burned my mom's kitchen down?" You smile and he laughs. "That wasn't my fault!" He cried, making you laugh even harder. "You spilled the egg right on the burner and put way too much salt!" You shout, almost choking in your food.

Once you finish your food you put the dishes in the sink and grab a wine bottle and glasses before leading him to the living room. You drink wine and catch up, talking about family stuff and things like that. You tell him about Sooyeon and he tells you about his family life, how his wife has cheated on him since the beginning and how only one of the children, who you found out are twins, is his. Apparently she had sex with a guy and was afraid she was going to get pregnant, so she went home the same day and begged Seokjin for a child, to which he agreed only because of his agreement with his father that he must have one child of his own to take over the company eventually, and she ended up having twins with two different fathers. His life sounded awful and exhausting, but yours wasn't exactly much better.

"What is she like? Like what kind of things is she into?" He asks, referring to Sooyeon. You get up, motioning for him to follow you. You lead him to Sooyeon's room and flick on the light, a small gasp escaping his lips as he looks around. The walls are pink, there's a lot of stuffed animals, and luckily due to you asking her to clean her room earlier, it's all nice and neat, all her books and clothes put away. "It's adorable." He smiles. "She really likes pink? And stuffed animals?" You nod, and he seems so happy. "I can't believe this. I've always wanted a little girl." Your heart warms at his giddiness. "Well, you've had a little girl for ten years, Seokjin." You point out, and you can hear him gulp.

"Y/N," He says, grabbing you gently and turning you to face him. "I'm so sorry that I left. Please believe me when I say that I tried everything to come back to you, but my father locked me in the house until he found a girl for me to marry. I wanted to be there so bad but I was basically married immediately and of course, once I was married I took over the company and I couldn't come back. The most I could do was send those checks every month." He explains. You look away, not wanting to look at him in fear that you'd cry. "You could've done more. You could've tried to find me or call me or something and not miss the first ten years of our daughter's life." You whisper. "I know. Y/N, I know I messed up, but I'm here now so please, let me do what I can." He begs.

His hands cup your cheeks, making you look up at him, his eyes full of promise and hope. He starts to lean into you slowly, but before he can kiss you, you turn away, his lips connecting with your cheek. "We can't. You're still married." You remind him. "Can you stop saying that? Yes, legally I'm married, but it's not a love marriage. It's an arranged marriage. I don't love her." He says, but you just shake your head. "Y/N, I love you. I don't love her. You're the only woman I ever have loved and ever will love. I loved you before and it's only grown with time. Now we're here, together, and I still love you more than anything in the world." His words stir something inside of you, and before you know it, tears are falling down your cheeks.

"No, please, darling, don't cry." He cooes, wiping your tears with his thumbs. "I still love you too." You whimper, looking up at him. His mouth is hung open, reminding you of when he first saw you at the ice cream shop, but this time his eyes look watery. This time when he leans in, you let him, and it feels as if electricity runs through you as your lips touch. You sigh into the kiss, giving in as his lips move against yours. His thumbs caress your cheeks as he steps forward, slowly backing you into the wall. His body pressed against yours, your arms wrapping around his neck to pull him closer. Feeling him so close to you again, the same lips that you've been longing for against yours, your fingers tangle in his soft hair, gently tugging to make sure this is all real, and as a soft moan comes from him, you can feel yourself get lost in it all.

You squeal as his leg slides in between yours, his thigh brushing up against your clothed center. Your noise startles him, making him pull back. "Are you okay?" He asks, and you nod. "S-Sorry, just, kinda, uh, sensitive?" You stutter, making him smile. "Why's that, darling?" He whispers, brushing your hair out of your face. "Well, to be honest, I uh, haven't actually, been with anyone since, you." You admit, turning your head in embarrassment. "Really? Oh, Y/N." He sighs, pulling you back into a kiss. It's more passionate this time, his tongue flicking against your bottom lip to ask for entrance. You gladly accept, moaning into his mouth as his hands leave your face, trailing down your body to wrap around your waist.

His kisses trail down to your neck and he pulls you closer to him, your chest flushed against his. You gasp as he gently pulls your hips closer, gliding against his thigh. You moan softly, holding onto him as your hips start to move on their own, chasing any friction they can find. He grunts, apparently impatient and needy as he grips the back of your thighs. You hop up, wrapping your legs around his waist. You start to place soft kisses on his neck as he seeks out your room. He finally does, carrying you to the bed and laying you down. His body presses down against yours, pushing you into the mattress.

In a fury of hot kisses and clothes flying around, you both were quickly undressed, forgetting about everything else in the world and focusing only on each other. Seokjin sits back, taking in the sight of you laying beneath him, completely bare, and you admire his broad shoulders and toned torso, especially his stiffening cock. "Oh my God, Y/N, you're more beautiful than I remembered. Time really has been good to you." He says, licking his lips. "I can say the same about you." You smile, biting your bottom lip. He grips under your knees, bring them to rest by his hips as he leans forward, peppering your collarbone with soft kisses, tracing down to your breasts. You whimper as he takes one of your pert nipples into his mouth, his soft fingers tweaking the other. He sucks and flicks his tongue against it before switching to the other one, giving it the same treatment.

He falls next to you, leaning on his elbow as he catches your lips with his once more, his other hand trailing down your body to your lower abdomen, sending goosebumps over your body. "Darling, you said you haven't been with anyone since me, so tell me, what have you done to get release until now?" He asks softly, his hand lowering and cupping your heat. "I-I uh, I just have um, a little uh, quiet vibrator." You stutter. "Really now? So you haven't actually had anything in you for a while, is that right, Princess?" He asks. The nickname catches you off guard. He's never ever called you that, and it turns you on to no end, and by your squirming, he can tell. "You like the sound of that, Y/N? You like it when I call you Princess?" He cooes, and you nod.

"Well then, my Princess, seeing as you haven't had anything in you in ten years, I think it's time you get some relief, don't you think?" He asks. Before you can even answer his finger glides across your slit, burying in you as you gasp. "You're so wet for me, Princess. So sensitive. I've been waiting so long to feel you again." He says while placing kisses all over your face and neck. He adds a second finger, making you moan from the stretch. It felt so foreign to you, being something you haven't felt in a long time, but it was good. "J-Jinnie please." You whimper, your hips shifting on their own, trying to chase his fingers whenever they pull out of you. "What is it, Princess? What do you want?" He asks, his tongue licking up from your collarbone up to the back of your ear. "I want you. Please." You beg.

"I want you too, darling. So bad. You know, I'd really love to take my time and feel you, stretch you out with my fingers, taste you, make you cum over and over again, but I don't think I can hold back any longer. I have to have you now, Princess. You don't have any uh, protection, do you?" He asks. You haven't even thought about that. "No, I don't." You pout. After a moment of thinking he takes his fingers out of you, popping them into his mouth and savoring the taste before climbing on top of you. "Oh well, we already have one kid together, why not another?" He smiles. You playfully slap his chest with a gasp. "Ok, ok, if you want I can buy you some plan b or something in the morning if you really don't want to have my baby again, but I don't think it's such a bad idea." He smirks. "We'll talk about it later just please," you whimper, running your hands along his sides, causing him to shiver "make love to me now. Please Jinnie I need you." He sighs longingly at your words, cupping your cheek as he kisses you softly. "I will never, ever, say no to that." He smiles before gripping his member, guiding it to your entrance.

You let out a simultaneous moan as he pushes into you, your arms wrapping around his shoulders as his head falls into the crook of your neck. "Oh my God." He exhales, his warm breath fanning over you. It's a stretch, a lot different from when you were stupid kids messing around. This seems more real to you. It's not just kids sneaking around young, dumb, and in love. You're both adults now, matured and grown, and it feels so much different, but it's incredible. You lay there, still, soaking in the feeling of him in you, the love you feel, and the warmth his body is radiating.

"Hey." He whispers, cupping your cheek and looking you in the eye. "You okay? Do you hurt or anything?" He asks, and you shake your head. "Good. You're just, so, fucking tight that I was worried it was hurting you. Damn, it feels like the first time." He smiles, his hand stroking along the side of your thigh. "I-I think it's good. Move. Please move." You beg, moving your hips against him. He groans, biting his lip. "Whatever you want, Princess. I promise, you can always have whatever you want with me." He smiles, kissing you as he pulls out, just to grind back in. He gives you slow, deep thrusts, grinding sensually against you as you hold him tight, his hands caressing over your entire body as his lips swallow your moans, as if he's trying to memorize every inch of your body. His cock stretches your walls deliciously, just the right amount so it doesn't hurt.

"You feel so good, Princess. God, I've missed you so much." He sighs, his own soft, needy moans tumbling from his lips. "I've missed you too, Jinnie. I love you so much." You whimper, a tear escaping and rolling down the side of your face. He stops moving, wiping your tear and kissing your cheeks. "Hey hey hey, sh, it's okay, darling. I'm here now, and I'm not going anywhere. I'm not gonna leave my girls again." He cooes. "But, after this, you'll have to go back to her." Your bottom lip quivers, and he smiles sadly. "Only for a little bit. Y/N, I never wanted to be with her. I've only ever wanted to be with you. I'll go back, but only to hand her divorce papers once I get them from my lawyer." He says, and you gasp. "S-Seokjin are you-" "I'm serious, darling. I love you. I want to be with you." He nods, and you smile, hugging him tightly.

"Does this mean I can move now? I was kinda close before talking and now I really wanna finish and make you mine again." He chuckles and you laugh. "Yes, please. Please move. I'd like to finish and go take a shower, you're sweating all over me." You giggle. "Your wish is my command, darling." He smiles. He shifts, angling your hips up towards him as you laugh. "What are you, a geni-OH!" You cry out as he slams into you, surprising you as his tip brushes your g-spot. "Right there?" He asks with a smirk. You whine, nodding frantically as you grip onto his biceps. "Perfect." He smiles before thrusting again.

It's not as slow and loving as before, but his deep, calculated thrusts have him hitting you in the right places each time, driving you crazy. Your nails dig small crescents into his bicep as his fingers grip the sheets by your head. Moans, grunts, and whines all bounce off your walls, both of you completely lost in the pleasure his thrusts are providing. "Mm, Seok-jin, I'm g-getting-" "I know, Princess. Me too." He groans. He brings his hand lower, his thumb tracing circles into your neglected bud. Your legs tremble around his waist as you come undone, your walls squeezing around him. "Ooh fffffuuuu-" He groans, his arms shaking as he releases into you, his body falling on top of you as he finishes.

You catch your breath as his hand soothingly caresses your side, his plump lips presses small kisses into your neck and shoulder. "Are you okay?" He whispers, and you nod. "Good. That was so good, baby. So good. You're so good for me. I can't wait to really take my time with you." He hums, making you smile. He finally pulls out of you, making you whimper from the loss of warmth and the sensation of cum trickling out of your hole. He lays down next to you, you turning to rest your head on his shoulder his arm slides under you, your leg resting atop of his. "So, you uh, you weren't just saying that you'd divorce her so I'd go through with this, right?" You ask nervously. A playful gasp escapes his lips, slightly scaring you. "Now Y/N, do you really think I'm the type of man to lie to get a girl to sleep with me? I haven't had sex in six years because I don't do that."

"So, you mean it? You're really gonna divorce her?" You ask. He nods, smiling as you hug him tightly out of excitement. "I meant it when I said I'm not leaving my girls again. I want to be here for you and Sooyeon and make up for lost time. I know I've been a terrible father and I want to make it up to her and give her everything her little heart wants while making sure that she and her mommy are loved very much." He says, placing a kiss on you forehead. "Thank you, Seokjin. I just hope it's not too difficult to get done." You sigh. "What, the divorce or loving my girls?" He asks. "Both. I don't know how divorces work and it's an arranged marriage so I really have no clue and Sooyeon, I don't know how she'll handle it." You reply. "Well, we'll figure it out. I promise, everything is going to work out just fine.

~2 Years Later~

Seokjin was right. Everything did work out. The divorce was longer than you expected, but it ended up with his father being pissed, which made you happy. Even though one of the kids was his, since they were still twins they didn't want to be separated, so they went with their mom, Seokjin's child coming to stay with him every other weekend.

As for you, you were happily living with Seokjin in a large penthouse with your daughter. You were relieved at how easily she caught on to things, being much more mature for her age than you thought. Seokjin had easily won her over, giving her a huge room to herself decorated however she wanted with everything she could dream of, exactly as he promised. You and Seokjin were doing very well too, still seemingly in the honeymoon phase even two years into your more mature relationship. Additionally, you were expecting a new bundle of joy in just a few months, a nursery already set up and decorated, ready for baby number two.

Even with all the changes, you still kept your tradition with Sooyeon, and today was Friday, which meant she got to pick something fun for your little family to do. Luckily, even though she was in her preteen phase, she wasn't moody and against family time, so she picked to go to the carnival that was in town. It had been an amazing night, even though you couldn't ride any of the rides. You walk hand in hand with Seokjin while Sooyeon happily lead you around the fairgrounds. She stopped in front of the ferris wheel, an excited smile spreading on her face as she looks up. "Dad! Dad!" She cries, turning to smile at him. "You wanna go on there, sweetheart?" He asks her, but she shakes her head. She runs over to him, making him lean down so she can whisper in his ear.

"Ah. That's perfect. Good eye, kiddo." He smiles, patting her shoulder. You cock an eyebrow at them when Seokjin lets go of your hand, turning to face you. "You know, the perfect place to do this would be at the top of there," he says, pointing to the top of the ferris wheel, "but, in your condition we can't take that chance, and I can't wait any longer, so down here will have to do." He smiles, and you tilt your head in confusion. "Y/N, you are the only woman that I have ever truly loved, well, except for this beautiful girl here. I love her too." He smiles, pulling Sooyeon to his side as she hugs him. "Anyways, I knew from the moment that I saw you in that hallway in school so many years ago that you were the one for me. I've always wanted to make you mine truly, and I really hope that you want to be mine."

He grabs your hands, giving them a squeeze and smiling as he looks down at you. "I want to make you happy for the rest of our lives, and take care of our family and be the best father, and husband, that I can be." You gasp as he drops down on his knee, pulling a small box out of his pocket, opening it and smiling up at you. "Y/N, please, will you marry me?" He asks. You sob, completely shocked. You look between him and Sooyeon, whose standing behind him and smiling expectantly. "Y-Yes! Oh my God yes!" You cry, tears rolling down your cheeks. "Yes? Yes!" He shouts, jumping up to hug you tightly. Sooyeon joins in on the hug, you and Seokjin parting enough for her to slip in.

You pull away, wiping your tears with one hand as Seokjin takes the other, sliding the ring onto your finger. It's absolutely beautiful, and you honestly couldn't be happier. This felt like the actual start of your life together, being together as one, which is everything you've ever dreamed of.

[neshabeingchildish]

Slightly different format, because I just needed y’all who didn’t know this song to hear it, okay? Okay, so I’m about as old as the characters parents could be, maybe slightly younger, because they probably had them a little later in adulthood than I’m far off from them, but I figured, close enough to use MY childhood/youth music for Charlotte’s mom’s taste. At least the general timeline. I named songs and artists, if y’all wanna ever listen to any of it. I haven’t/don’t know if I’m making a Determined Soundtrack/Playlist.

Pretty Brown Eyes

Alright. It was one thing to lean into his kiss, reciprocate his embrace and shift herself into his lap. But, she didn't have to go off the way she did for their first kiss. Because, not only did Charlotte do these things, but she also rocked against him a little, which in turn, he took as an invitation to explore her with his big, strong hands. 

She wasn't quite sure how awkward it must've been for Henry and Amelie to see them there when they left through the front door trying not to make any noise for the pair making out on the floor of the main hallway. But, she had to guess it was as bad as her realizing that they had to have seen them whenever they left, because the front door was right down that, very, hallway.

Eventually, she was the one who caught herself and ended the fun. Her head was spinning, nerves tingling and legs wobbling, but she found her senses and pulled herself together. Jasper was a pile of mush, except for the one thing, what, with her doing all that rocking against him. Ugh. Girl, a first kiss is supposed to be soft and sweet. You're not supposed to half grind the dude into the floor of your parents' house. She shivered thinking about his hands on her body, but it was time for that kiss to be put behind them.

"We can't be doing stuff like this," Charlotte said and helped him up. "I had a point before you did that and I don't even remember my middle name right now."

"The magic of love has rendered you temporarily futile…"

"No. The coursing of hormones has thrown off my equilibrium and it does not feel good."

He panicked. "But, it did though? The not good feeling is an afterthought, right?"

"You have to go and I need to lie down." He nodded and tried to give her a hug, but she placed her hands up to halt him and took a step back. “I’m serious.” He nodded and left her, scratching his head and hoping that his stunt hadn’t done the very thing that she was afraid of - ruined things between them.

.

Morning meetups were awkward. Jasper brought her breakfast, she brought his and Henry’s, but they didn’t really say much to each other. Instead, she spoke to Henry about everything but Jasper and whenever Jasper did speak, she was weird about her reponses. 

Work was atypical. While they generally spent most shifts around each other, she now felt like the store needed to be watched at all times, but if he came up, she took that time to go make scans in the Man Cave to be sure they hadn’t missed any calls for help.

In addition to avoiding him big time, she told him that she looked into Amelie pretty deeply and couldn’t find any reason that he couldn’t “get back on track” with her.

“You’d find that reason in the mirror,” Jasper said and she just rolled her eyes and walked away from him. Whenever he told her that things were weird at home and asked if he could crash, she politely asked Henry if it was okay if Jasper crashed at his, instead. Jasper was exasperated, or as Henry said, in an attempt to be funny, exJasperated. Jasper commented that would be the name of his next podcast, and she left them to that conversation to return to the store.

“So… She’s really just moving on like it didn’t happen?” Henry wondered. He’d waited outside for Jasper that night, because he figured that Charlotte would catch herself and kick him to the curb. But, he thought that by now, she would have talked to Jasper about it, fixed their friendship and outlined how it could never happen again.

“No. It’s worst. She’s moving on like it did happen and it was horrifying for her. She refuses to be alone with me and she hardly talks to me, now. I feel like I did something bad to her, but I thought she liked it. I thought she liked me.”

“She liked it and she likes you. You know what this is really about? Self control. She doesn’t trust herself to be alone with you, because she might wind up on your lap, in your arms again and she thinks she shouldn’t be there. You gotta show her that she should be there.”

“How would I do that without being the very creepo that both you and her have told me numerous times to not be?”

“I don’t know. Maybe her family knows something that we don’t? Something that could help us get her for you.”

“Her parents never say much beyond salutations and asking about my day. But… Uncle Rox might help. He loves me and we’re friends on social media. He lived with them for a while. He had to notice something useful.”

Henry nodded, “There you go!”

.

Jasper made an appointment with Uncle Roscoe at his new house, aka his wife’s house, to set some wheels in motion for wooing Charlotte. The man was all too happy to help. “I LOVE love, Lil’ Nephew,” he told Jasper. “My niece sure can use some wooing. Does she still have an attitude about everything?”

“A huge tude… but I still love her. I find it endearing. She’s polite with people she doesn’t care about, so it’s like… a compliment of sorts when you get that sass from her.”

Uncle Roscoe nodded his head as he made some freshly squeezed juice. “Well, I had a secret weapon to soften her up when she was younger and I found out when I lived at their house that it still kinda worked, depending on the material.”

“I must know!” Jasper said, making prayer hands. Roscoe slid a glass across the island to him and he luckily caught it in his palm. Uncle Rox is super kewl. 

“You subscribe to her Spotify?” Roscoe asked.

“No. I don’t believe that we share music tastes.”

“Well, you better get used to it, because that’s gon’ be your bread and butter, Lil’ Nephew. You see, Charlotte has a love for classic R&B, particularly the late 80's/early 90's. She loves all the boy groups that were popular when me and her moms grew up, because that’s the type of stuff that her moms listened to when she was young. Now, most people stop experiencing new music as they get older. They have some nostalgia about their parents’ music, which they pretend like they don’t, like Charlotte be pretending. They have the stuff that was popular when they were growing up, that was their childhood music. And, mostly, by a certain point, they allow very little new music into their worlds. That’s how my sister was. So, a lot of her music was stuff from the 80s and 90s, and Charlotte loves a lot of it, despite her pretenses.”

“You… Think that me listening to 80’s and 90’s R&B boy groups will win over Charlotte?” Jasper asked confused, finally drinking his juice. “This juice is AMAZING!”

“That’s that Roscoe’s Tropical Trash right there. But, no. The listening is just the first step. You gotta know that music, Boi. You gotta learn it. You gotta know what to play and when. You can control Charlotte’s little ass with the right song selection.”

“That has to be made up,” Jasper said, defeated.

Roscoe told him, “Try it out. If she gets mad, pull up “You Don’t Have to Cry by Rene and Angela,” and see if by the end of that song, she won’t be a different woman. Matter of fact, before anything even happens in your day, just put on Rhythm of the Night by DeBarge and see if she don’t have the cheeriest, happiest day.”

Jasper cupped his cup in his fingers and stared at him. “I seriously can’t tell if you’re making up these songs and artists.”

“Boi, here…” He opened his phone and said, “I’m gonna send you a link to Charlotte’s Spotify. Check out them lists. She’s got some of the music by the year and some by the decade, but it’s all kinda R&B on it. She does like a few older than that, but her most frequent ones, I assure you are those 80s-90s ones, with the groups like Troop, New Edition, Boys II Men…”

“I know them!” Jasper cheered.

“Just… The songs I told you about. Use them, then get back to me when you ready to learn musical conditioning for Charlotte.”

Uncle Roscoe used to be a vocal coach for a production studio that went ass end up in the 90s. He was also a musician, DJ, and club promoter. He was a bouncer at a jazz club, at a strip club, and at a popular night club. He still tried to make music sometimes. He played many instruments and he loved to sing. None of his efforts ever worked out fully. But, he still loved the music industry and he always had a good time with his  niece, whenever a good song put her in a good mood. He knew what he was talking about, but Jasper might have to see for himself.

.

Charlotte was about to go upstairs when she heard the opening notes of Rhythm of the Night and bounced towards it curiously. Jasper and Henry were sitting around, and Jasper’s device was connected to the computer. “How do you know this song?” She wondered.

“Uncle Rox shared a DOPE playlist with me whenever I went over for juice. I can’t stop listening to it.”

“It’s a good song. A good feel good song!” She cheered, excited. “I never would have thought you’d like this, though.”

“I love a good feel good song,” he said. She just nodded, smiling and chilled for a little longer, singing along with the song and dancing by herself. It was a little weird for Henry and Jasper to see, but Jasper immediately realized that Uncle Roscoe was right! The music made Charlotte different! 

Now, she was heading to the store, but she was pulling up her own playlist, because she felt like dancing around as she cleaned up the store. Henry smiled at her on the camera and said, “This is an adorable version of Char,”

“She’s always adorable,” Jasper said, watching her, enthralled. 

Charlotte was glad for the dance party of one. She had been so stressed about letting Jasper down, trying to be his friend, trying to avoid him, trying to forget his lips and hands - she had forgotten to just enjoy herself. How lucky was it that Uncle Roscoe put Jasper onto such great music? And Jasper LIKED it? That just made him more likeable! Ugh. She was gonna groan about it, but Never Knew Love Like This Before by Stephanie Mills came on and she was right back in the feel good zone.

.

Charlotte had taken to starting her days with some feel good music, because everyday around Jasper was a struggle. She found that even when he said something frustratingly stupid, she still thought he was cute. Somehow, his ignorance was tolerable to her and even somewhat charming? She looked at him do something ridiculous and think - look at this cinnamon roll. Ugh! She hoped that whatever was going on was reversible. Until then, music therapy should do the daily trick. Today, she began her day with Square Biz by Teena Marie, which brought her mother in to jam with her for a little while and volunteer to do her hair while they hung out, singing and stuff. They didn’t often, so that was a super plus of the day. She came out of the house in the highest spirits that she had been in, in weeks.

She had two braids with puffs at the end, with some charms braided in. She had worn some makeup. Her outfit was clutch. Honestly, she was slaying, and she felt amazing heading to the bakery. The guy at the bakery saw her and almost burned himself on the oven. She pretended not to see as she fought a smile. He quickly caught himself and got her order prepared. She said, “I’m in a really good mood, so I’ll also take an assorted box of kolaches and donuts for my work. Surprise me with the flavors…” 

They were both distracted by this music outside. Everybody in the bakery looked to see where it was coming from. “Is that Pretty Brown Eyes by Mint Condition?” Charlotte asked herself out loud, right before the doors opened and Jasper came in, singing the song. 

“Pretty brown eyes, You know I see you. It's a disguise the way you treat me. You keep holding on to your thoughts of rejection. If you're with me you're secured…”

“What?” She asked herself, frozen in place at… whatever…  this was. She loved that song. There was a whole ass band outside. “Uncle Roscoe…” She said, when she saw him and his friends playing Jasper’s music. Henry was there, recording with his phone. She smiled at the clerk and pretended that they weren’t there for her. She grabbed her order, forced a smile at her friends and tried to pass by. Henry took her order and Jasper continued to sing to her. 

“You keep telling me that your time is always taken, But I keep seeing you out alone. Listen to love; Your heart is pounding with desire waiting to be unleashed…”

As he did, she tried not to blush and laugh. She walked out, and it was louder out there, with the band playing music, but Jasper’s determined self was following her and singing, much like some kind of 90’s music video. She couldn’t help but be impressed and he was a pretty good singer too.

They’d really missed out, not letting him finish his songs during the musical curse. He danced around her, singing the lyrics and she couldn’t help but bop to the music. 

“Quit breakin' my heart 

Breakin' my heart, yeah (pretty brown eyes, Uncle Roscoe was singing backup and playing his instrument)

Breakin' my heart, yeah

Breakin' my heart, sugar, yeah, yeah”

She LOVED this song! Whenever Jasper neared the end of his song, she was pretty much weak and he was so fine, and this took so much work and wasn’t she WORTH this kind of trouble? Jasper sure thought so. Maybe he was worth a little trouble too. Maybe he was worth the risks she worried about. That high pitched, “Quit breaking my heart!” Was her sign. She grabbed him, pulled him to her and started kissing him. Henry cheered him on, and Uncle Roscoe returned a favor of calling out, “Get it, Lil’ Nephew!”

Henry sniffled, “I’m so proud, right now.”

Charlotte pulled back, laughed, shook her head and told Jasper, “You’re crazy. Remember, when it sucks, you insisted on this. Now… You’ve got me.”

He looked towards the band and yelled, “We did it, Uncle Rox! She’s mine!” 

She rolled her eyes, grabbed his hand and pulled him down the street. Henry stopped recording and looked at the band, “Ummm… Well… You gentlemen, and ladies have a good day.” He caught up with his friends, holding the breakfast while they held hands and smiled at each other the whole time. “Feeling left out,” Henry said.

“You’ll pull through,” Charlotte told him. 

Jasper just laughed and gave her a kiss on the temple. “You are so pretty,” he told her. Then, with a big smile, “I can’t believe that I’m this lucky!” 

[tumblunni]

Hhhh bunni legs pain accomplishment day

I HAVE FINISHED THE SHOPPING OF HELL

Tfw u only get paid 4 days before christmas and have to rush everything aaaa

It was bad enough today so i'm so glad i got it done before it got even more busy!

Misc boring essentials i bought for myself: new phone charger cos broken, new trousers cos i spilt hair bleach on my only two pairs, new shoes cos my left shoe literally snapped in half down the middle like wtf even happened there, cheap pink hair dye from a discount store cos i wanna try different colours but in a thrifty way

Now for EXCITING CHRISTMAS PRESENT TIME!!!!

First off SO MANY pc and xbox 360 games from Every Charity Shop In Cardiff, St Mellons, Rumney and Llanrumney. My sis has been trying to find some games to play but was like 'dont worry about it i can just wait til the charity shop gets something good'. So i thought i'd get some stocking stuffers via all the charity shops on my side of town. By our powers combined we will blitz the entire vale of glamorgan's discount gaming scene!!! I found SO MANY good stuff for £1/£2/£3 like holy shit i love when charity shops dont know the proper price for shit XD

speaking of which i also found a WEBCAM for £2! If its that cheap it probanly isnt great but itd still be fun to play around with! :D and the same store also had an old vintage G1 My Little Pony coffee mug in excellent condition. Oh god the nostalgia! My support worker gave me a lift to llanrumney so i had to awkwardly explain why i had an armful of weird 80s mugs and big teary eyes!

Speaking of vintage, i found this new vintage toys and games shop in cardiff called Galactic Attic! The name hooked me in and then they actually DID have pokemon inside! As well as all sorts of stuff ranging from 40s to 90s, wow! There was even a lil pile of old 90s gaming magazines in the corner, covered up by a bunch of boxes. I'm glad i noticed them! I got the announcemt issues for pokemon diamond pearl and platinum in a weird old pokemon fan magazine that i loved as a kid. Im kinda sad that nowadays we just have one official magazine fpr each console and not the wild madness of amateaur journalists failing horribly to get news from japan. Shame they didnt have Beckett Pokemon cos that one was infamous fot drawing its own terrible interpretations of pokemon sprites to avoid copyright. And speaking of terrible, they even had bootleg pokemon!! I talked to the cashier and he was like "you know those are fake right" and i was like "yeah its so nostalgic thats why i want em" and he was like "lol yeah they actually sell pretty well so i'm not mad my supplier ripped me off". It was a pretty good and awesomely terrible fake at the same time? There was this exact replica of some japanese display stand for the product and then the actual pokeball toys looked perfect BUT the mini pokemon inside were.. Really not. I am so damn happy with the surprise inside my one, surprise inside has never been more accurate! I can't take a picture now cos my phone is charging but REGICHEETO. Just..just imagine that, and whatever you're imagining it is probably worse. I love it so fuckin much. Also less hilariously there were some bootleg mini pika plushies with actually (as far as i can tell) their own unique design? They have cute lil winter scarves and an art style that reminds me of the Magical Pokemon Adventure manga. A really cute and good bootleg that i would have loved to see as a real product! The only way you can even tell its a bootleg is because there's no marking on the tail. I dunno, maybe if i still have some brown fabric in the cupboard i could fix it? Or maybe its unique tail makes it even more special! I mean there's Cosplay Pikachu with its double tail marking so maybe this is her cousin Accessory Pikachu with no markings? He just likes wearing scarfs and hats and stuff. OMG HE'S THE POKEMON GO EVENT PIKACHU!!!!!!

Along the miscness of finding a few things for myself, i also found: cute lil pokemon pencilcase, kingdom hearts blind bag, cheap copy of Fruits Basket volume 1 cos the new remake is coming out soon and i wanna Get Hype! The KH blind bag was really weird cos i didnt know they now have an entirely different set as well as the keychains i bought before. Its kind of a shame the art style doesnt match cos vexen is only in the keychains, alas! But i do really love these ones! Theyre apparantly made by funko pop but dont have the art style AT ALL, they just look like really accurate versions of the characters in mini form. Its kinda like the 'distance animation' style in steven universe? (Incidentally they also do SU ones but they missed the opportunitu to actually use the distance style, lol) I got a Sora in his kh2 outfit and i'm decently happy with that, its not one i really wanted but its not a bad one either. But i think now i've tried the fun of surprise once i'll just buy the actual ones i want off ebay later. They have roxas in his organization outfit! With a happy smile!!!

Oh oh and then EVEN MORE XBOX GAMES OF THE WILD THRIFT STORE VOID! i managed to find the whole fable series, two assassins creeds, saints row, gta, some misc shooter games and racers that she wanted but i dont know much about, mass effect 2 and ff13. I think maybe one or two others cos i cant fully remember right now. Theyre all in separate bags strewn across the room and my shoulders feel like death so i'll sort through them later.

Aaaand i wrote up like 14 paragraphs more but tumblr didnt save my draft fpr some fuckin reason and now im way too tired to do it again

Briefer summary:

* had a huge horrible panic attack getting stuck in a skyscraper shopping centre clothes place full of screaming and every perfume smell and WHY DO I HAVE TO NAVIGATE THIS HELL MAZE TO FIND THE ESCALATOR and seriously i was my most primal animalistic self and i went full fight or flight on this bitch

* had a lovely time visiting Cool Shop Grandma and rambled the story of how i met her and how we became friends but hhh too tired to rewrite. But anyway today i gave her a christmas pikachu plush as thanks for everything and cos her shop is moving on to its next location soon. She got really teary and gave me a big hug! She's gonna be at a comic con in march so i hope i'm able to go to that and see her again.

* went on a wild goose chase looking for harry potter merchandise and eventually found a gold plated replica of the movie prop version of the time turner and HELL YES my sis will love it!

* rambled about several market stalls that were cool but i can make a separate post about that in the morning when i find their contact details to advertise them

* got a plushie delibird and decided to take selfies with it everywhere to try and fight my social anxiety somehow. We went to a neat lil restaurant and had cheesy fries and a coke float!

* asked for a refund on an item for the first time ever and im proud of myself

* went off on a mystery bus trip to buy a preowned 3ds and pokemon games from a lady in an online preowned stuff facebook group and it didnt go horribly and i am glad! She was really nice and i witnessed A Good And Smart Parenting Moment and man it healed my heart and i wish i'd been raised that way. Again i'll probably ramble about the details later when im less tired, it really touched my heart seriously! And now i have MANY GIFTS FOR SIS!

* in total i was out present shopping from 9am to 8pm and i clicked my shoulder out of its socket for a split second from.all the heavy bags. Now im in a lot of aches and i need a sleeps

The End

[bearpillowmonster]

Spider-Man PS4 Review

 I just finished the game so here's my official review. I've been taking some notes throughout playing it so don't think I didn't have time to think it over or anything. This will be a long post so bear with me. (NON SPOILERS)

I started by wondering if I should get this game, E3 looked hype from the trailers but it never stood up front the crowd, losts of speculation from me. A few months ago I watched a video where these guys got to play it early just to share game mechanics (I think it was GameSpot or something) I know what they meant in a lot of things they were talking about now. Now here's the kicker, there's DLC. I hate DLC, never get it despite a lot of it looking cool, however I saw Black Cat as one of the DLC. I have a soft spot when it comes to Black Cat, I just have to check it out when she's involved...leading me to not only buy the game but the deluxe edition as well.

Let me start from the intro of the game. It is actually very visual oriented and easter egg filled. It explains the story of Spider-Man, where we are, and the timeline in less of a minute without saying a word. A spider drops down from the window (Pete getting powers) There's a pic of Uncle Ben and May and Peter then one of Mary Jane and Harry (they've met, been friends, graduated) Next picture has only Peter and May (Ben's death). There's a notebook with concepts for a web shooter (throwback to the 2002 movie sketches) A magazine with Norman Osborn that's labeled "Secrets" with some green nerf darts (Green Goblin is the secret (hence green darts) so not yet introduced) There's a wall of newspaper clippings with some of the villains on them (The big ones that have already been fought in this timeline) Next is a series of post-it notes but the most visible says "RENT DUE". (Peter owns his own place and is struggling) Now that's what I call an intro (it gets more epic right after but i wont spoil)

One complaint I see is the graphics. "They aren't as good as we saw at E3" or something along those lines. BOI this game has great graphics for starters and second How noticeable is the texture on a wall or a puddle compared to the actual character models? This game has a perfect excuse for toning down some ever so slightly. It runs better. It's an open world game and there's maybe one small loading screen and then this bad boy of a town is all yours, If these cutscenes were prerendered (a select few are but for the most part) then it would seem weird going from that to a loading screen. THERE ARE NO LOADING SCREENS AFTER CUTSCENES! It's straight into the action. Seamless. Having the graphics of both cutscene and gameplay match each other just enhances the experience for me so good on them! Also you can look in most windows and actually see stuff in there like computers or if the light is on or chairs/tables etc. That's next level! There are tips on the few loading screens you have (such as if you start a side mission, which I'll get to here in a minute) and they go by so fast you can just barely read the tip, it's that quick for me.

Next complaint I don't see much at all anymore but saw when this game was announced was the voice cast. Yuri Lowenthal wasn't the first pick for a lot of Spidey fans but he does an excellent job in this game like I mean they all do but you can really tell that the cast went all out for this game, it's great. Yuri even shares a name with one of the characters so yay. Also he voices older Ben from Ben 10. Even though it would be cool to have different voice actors for different suits such as Tom Holland for the Homecoming suit, Yuri does a nice job. Jameson is in this and he hosts a podcast that plays sometimes while you're swinging, that's a good modern take on him but nobody will ever beat JK Simmons just saying.

The Spiderman juggernaut that was Spiderman 2 (preferably the GC version for me) was a big game to stack against, nothing has beat it until this game in my opinion. Spiderman 2 I could get lost in just doing side missions, I would literally spend my time saving people hanging from roofs, getting mugged and car chases and still be satisfied with that game, it was that good! (also I wasn't too good at knowing what to do in games as a kid so eh) The swinging, the jumping, all felt natural and fun. This game can perhaps even beat that even with nostalgia, the web swinging is the best we've seen, it applies parkour and acrobatics and gravity and momentum to define what I say is the word to describe this game "F-L-O-W". Everything has a flow and it feels good for it to flow. It does a good job of trying to keep what everyone liked with SP2...even a few character chase sequences, which I've always hated and still do but it's still nostalgic and would probably be missed if it wasn't in there. Wallrunning is a lot simpler and easier, web shooting is a lot more fun and gives you control, lots of different variety, lots of different unlockables. Also you can actually unlock that super jump like in SP2 and I love it! You don't get stuck nearly as often, if you're swinging, you don't lose momentum if you run into stairs or a building, he goes straight into wall run mode or just swings around it, feels so good. There's actually a throwback to the Spiderman 2 train sequence where he mentions "That worked last time" when trying to use his webs to stop a train.

I made sure to give a fair amount of effort to do as much as I can in this game. I did all the landmark missions, backpacks, black cat stakeouts, collected most of the suits, unlocked every skill, tried different play styles with webbing and such. (I can actually recognize how someone's play style is different than mine when I watch because I've played it so much) You don't like the white spider suit? Well you can unlock others and play as those instead, you barely have to use the white spider suit but doesn't go without saying each suit interchangeable quirks but not making any more powerful than another. Use the environment to your advantage, there's some stealth involved here but you don't have to use it, it's actually pretty fun. You can throw trash cans and concrete mix and shock people with stuff. You can crawl in vents.

Side missions and side stuff. Are they fun? I'd be lying if I said every single one was great but there are a lot of really good ones, some even bring in certain characters that I shuttered when I saw. Backpacks were awesome because it's always a mystery where they'll be as well as what's in them, plus it unlocks a certain suit. Black Cat missions, obviously I love, get a suit out of that too. Landmarks are kinda fun, I didn't think I'd like it much but I just did it and was like "Wow that's actually a really cool shot" it makes me feel like a photographer (Have yet to try Photo mode though). But here's something cool. If you go to a side mission, it will take you out of your current situation so you don't waste time or get distracted by certain elements and puts you in a separate but same version New York and if you're in a phone call with someone and you go to do a side quest during it, Peter will say something like "Sorry about that, continue" and it will either pick up where you left off in the call or rewind a little bit so you remember. Here's something I didn't think I would see though. Minigames. Yeah...so apparently you can scan an element for it's components and you have to match the lines and then there's one for the neural interface which has you making a path from one side to another, and it's not the best but whatever, it does what it does.

The story is on par. If it were separated into a movie, it might actually work, it's of that quality. The characters are great as well, each being unique to this story without breaking their comic origin too much. Spidey actually got me to laugh quite a few times with his quips. I want to go in depth with the characters because I really like how some of them are handled but I don't want to spoil who all is in this game. The AI is pretty good, I like that it tells you if an enemy can see you and can highlight where all the enemies are by pressing R3. I even had the final boss dodging some of my attacks, I had nothing but respect for that though, no salt.

Now this game is among the greats but that goes without saying there are some aspects that could be improved upon. People complained about Quick Time Events when this was revealed and I didn't blame them but now I do because I see a few scenes that look like "Aww I wanna play that" because it was probably a scene meant for QTE but they took it out because of fan backlash (QTE is still in there but not a lot fyi). At the end Peter is faced with some decisions and that's what Spider-Man is about, we even see it at the end of the first Spider-Man movie and done masterfully. This one is done really well but I almost wish we could've played that, and made the decision for ourselves just to see what the outcome would be then go and play it again to do the other route. The problem with that is this isn't a "Mary Jane will remember that Telltale/Detroit" kind of game so putting that in right at the end would feel a bit cheap. Just like the Marvel movies, there's a post credits scene so stay tuned for that. Overall a really good game, highly recommend it and await the the DLC/sequel?. I'm over 80% done with the game after finishing the story so I might as well just 100% it and complete all side missions and stuff.

[alterrreality]

mall. clothing store. i wanted to buy skirts, tops and wanted to try them out but i thought,"i already showered..." didn't wanna try clothes on like that. i only came out with a small bag of socks? i was approaching this checkpoint with security screening like at TSA. detector and gotta lay your belongings thru a belt and xray camera. i was trying to grab my card for that security thing. i saw my gpa. he was coming thru the opposite side. he gonna see CW? can't remember if he or someone else told me CW has a tumor on his neck. CW was there now and this person showed me right side of CW's neck. saying that black dot is a tumor. the black dot looked like a small black thread slightly portruding out the skin. the person said don't touch it bcuz it will get worse. they proceeded to slide their finger over it and apologized.

played overwatch except felt like in actual caharacter body. i was widowmaker trying to snipe enemy's widowmaker. i was trying to hide behind a small castle tower. i became d.va at one point. ran to top of stairs? with other characters like genji. i remember thinking "go, go power rangers~!" thinking we were gonna morph ina robot like them bcuz of our formation. some old man was trying to race towards us as fast as he could on his cane. i told him something about my knee like i could relate to his pain trying to move fast.

loft of big house. lights were off but there was dim lighting. incense and relaxing meditative music. some of my kids were there spaced out on their mats with their sheets and blankets. i was laying with them too. G was above my head when i opened my eyes, guess i fell asleep. L, coworker, was sitting next to him nagging/scolding about him and my ipad for work? i was clutching onto tight.

i saw you and your younger bro downstairs and kinda far away just sitting. i leaned on the railing of the loft that i was at, staring at you.

your mom was there this time. you and your bro seemed to be catching up, your mom was talking to you too. her voice was cheerful. we were close and standing ear each other now. i remember crying and hugging you, i could feel you. you started to tear up too and hugged me back. it was nice to feel you tower over me and engulf me again. your mom's tone changed, she was yelling and crying at you. saying things like how could you leave? i (she was referring to me) moved for you. we fixed the room. the girls (dunno who she was referring to) went off to college. and she just went off and walked away but we could still hear her in the distance. i thought how she said what i felt, the first part, i mean. you looked guilty and sad. i remember wiping off my tears off your hands with tissue bcuz there was a lot. we were sitting next to each other now and your mom's tone changed back to cheerful while she sniffled. she was doing something in the distance. you mentioned you got a job at the suites. whatever that means. you had a new phone too apparently. i took a photo of your number on your phone but only remember "295." i wanted to ask you,"if i call you, will you answer?"

of course, K came. she sat next to you on the other side, your right side while i was on your left. she had R with her. you turned and gave me a small box and opened it. i immediately thought, "is it a ring?" but it was a watch. i think i saw the price still on it 24.95? it had a pineapple picture in the center where it has the hands and numbers. gold plated center, taupe band. PINK brand. the center was tall vertically. it looked a little unsual to me. K looked at it, complimented when i put it on while she got R from wherever he ran off to to sit with her on the couch.

i didn't want her there.

i went off to look at the watch on my wrist reflected in the sliding door, it was dark on the other side of the sliding door.

the layout of the area we were sitting in reminded me of back home, even the sliding door.

when i got back to the living room where we were at, you and K had moved over to the other couch. your mom was sitting on the carpet, next to her on the left was K then you. sitting real close. i sat on the other couch adjacent to it. so it was on your mom's right. i was staring at you and K. your right lrg was crossed over your left. you were kinda facing her and she facing you at a small angle. it looked like she was stroking your leg but i saw you were stroking your knee looking with a grin. then i saw she had her fingertip(s?) gliding along your knee. you were still grinning. a stupid grin. like when you try to copy jim halpert's eyebrow grin. i could feel myself getting really fucking jealous and mad. but trying to reason with myself. i heard an electric guitar stroke then woke up.

----

i'm still upset and jealous. it's irritating. i thought that finally, you really visited my dreams bcuz it felt like you. but i remember i did a pick a card reading before bed about "why did they fall in love with you." the msg i heard brought me nostalgia of the things you said when we were first talking/flirting. i can see how my dream was induced by it and other things bcuz i saw an hourglass card in the reading. probably leading to the watch you gave me. plus, i had an emotional breakdown yesterday, ranting how you don't visit me on an entry.

CW and my gpa popped in prolly bcuz i asked my mom/aunt about the kids going back to school.

[chimcharstar]

I ASK EVERYTHING FROM ANGEL TO WOBBLY

COMING RIGHT UP

♡ cute asks ♡

angel; do you have a nickname?

G!

awe; how old are you?

21

baby; favorite color?

purple

bloop; spirit animal?

i know what youre trying to do bug

blossom; favorite book/movie/song?

my favourite movie today is always be my maybe. do yourself a favor and watch keanu reeves act his heart out

blush; what was your stuffed animal as a child?

lucky, a little white tiger. i still have her.

breeze; most precious childhood memory?

maybe my mom making me tea or something. ow ow nostalgia

bright; mermaids or fairies?

fairies

bubbles; do you have a best friend?

YEAH

buttercup; showers or baths?

showers

butterfly; dream destination?

maybe ... the countryside, but one i havent been to before?

buttons; are you religious or spiritual?

yes, very. while feeling at war with it all the time cause of the gay angst. but lbr. i prayed for some coffee and i got some. i also pray when some real shit is happening. its just my nature. i have a very strong intuition when im not panicking. TOO BAD MY PARENTS DISHED OUT TONS OF SPIRITUAL ABUSE I CANT REALLY HEAL FROM

calm; favorite scent?

this candle that has vanilla in it. i like the smell of vanilla because it smells sweet and im like. !!!! kindness!!!

candlelight; what did you dream about last night?

i dreamed my siblings were all bickering and blaming each other endlessly and saying cruel things, and i was trying to tell them to stop but my voice was hoarse and no one could hear me. the voice part makes more sense when you consider i lost my voice talking lots at the Job and ive been Way too worried about it and its also a Passing thing

charming; have you ever been in love?

yes... overrated

cozy; eye/hair color?

red hair green eyes

cuddly; what’s your favorite time period?

the afternoon when i can take a walk with some coffee and music or, faceplant on my bed and fall asleep on the spot and then wake up feeling very well napped

cupcake; favorite flower/plant?

i really like bonsais. or ... whatever type of bonsai i keep buying. they grow fast so you can notice their progress, they can survive bad mental health weeks, and you can shape them, they kind of grow with you

cute; what did you get on your last birthday?

i .... forget a lot. i forget these kinds of things. i hope it doesnt mean it didnt matter to me. i remember being really lonely on my last birthday and pretending not to be and then crying to my diary that no one is allowed to read

cutie pie; most precious item you own?

any bonsai, any jacket, thats my soul. or my phone lol

cutsie; what makes you happy?

people saying small nice things

daisies; describe a moment when you felt free.

just the other day when i was starting to play stardew valley again and i had some tea i think... 

daydream; how do you want to be remembered?

i want to have been Known as more than just shy and polite

daylight; favorite album of all time?

idk of all time, but say you will by fleetwood mac FUCKS, i will destroy my ears on public transit with that

dear; zodiac sign?

sagittarius

delightful; concerts or museums?

?????? N/A unfortunately

dimples; have you ever written a letter?

yes, i have written all sorts of letters, not snail mail but yknow... that is my jam. i have used it for good and evil

dobby; dream job?

writer of , books or screenplays or something

doll; how do you like to dress?

behold my array of gay jackets. hoods... gay layers... with some flowers. i have some shit with flowers on it. an old man complimented me on a train once. because im amazing

dovey; any paranormal/magical experiences?

my roommates say theres a ghost dude downstairs but ive never seen him. not really actually.

dreams; do you want or have any tattoos?

no, and ive thought about a tattoo but im like... i cant imagine picking a decoration and then being satisfied with it for the rest of my life, and being so... open like that, i change my mind and worry too much...

drizzle; do you believe in aliens?

yes bitch. theres water on mars im sitting here patiently

euphoric; talk about someone you love.

the demigirl reading this

fairy; do you have a pet?

no :(

fluffy; ocean or mountain?

mountain... no ocean.. im feeling ocean

forever; where do you feel time stop?

i havent felt like that in a looong time. maybe this one place with streams, when its raining really heavily and everythings Gushing

froglet; are you a good plant owner?

i have kept... 5 bonsais alive for a while.

garden; how many languages do you know?

one. with some rocky french that makes me ACTUALLY want to learn french, and then frustratingly be on the brink of speaking french

gem; who are your favorite tumblrs?

i cant find the name right now but they make this pixel art and put sentences that are kinda so gentle and pining... i love it

giggles; what is your aesthetic of choice?

homemade coffee in a messy kitchen with some sun coming in, youre kind of sleepy

glittery; do you like anons? why/why not?

yes!!! i wanna talk!!!!!

glow; list the top 5 things you like about yourself

ok... i know how to be Respectful, im a strong person, im good with self-expression, i like my voice... AND IM CUTE

heart; silk or lace?

silk

honey; coffee or tea? how do you take it?

coffee, so much sugar and a bit of scream.

hugsy; do you enjoy people watching or bird watching more? why?

BIRD WATCHING. because watching people can get awkward real fast, and birds dont give a fuck. birds are fat little boys jumpin around. they dont worry about their jobs. i respect that. 

hunnybunch; what sounds help you sleep?

Harmonious People Noises. i dont actually listen to sounds going to sleep when maybe i should. because of how i grew up im fine listening to music or people playing instruments falling asleep, even with the light on

jewel; what’s your favorite kind of weather?

that part of autumn where its colourful and not too cold not too hot, and sun everywhere

jiggly; what do you usually like to do on weekends?

i do stuff like take walks and do a few errands and water plants... and just chill and enjoy not having pressing stuff to do. 

joy; do you laugh loudly or giggle more?

i am a serious giggler but i recently got a booming laugh, or it sounds like that to me

kinky; do you blush easily?

no. apparently not. but sometimes i feel my face heat up and then im really, really counting on it that that doesnt mean im blushing because its at the worst possible times to blush

kisses; what romantic cliché do you wish for most?

SOULMATE... SOMEONE I DONT HAVE TO SAY GOODBYE TO...

kitty; what’s your favorite time of the day?

i feel like i already answered this but ill pick a different time. evening is nice because im a night owl and i focus better and i can relax and do whatever

ladybug; what’s your favorite artist to listen to when you’re sad?

fleetwood mac and bLAST it on public transit

love; what is your favorite season and why?

autumn, because pretty, haloween

lovey; what is your favorite flavor of macaron and ice cream?

i dont know about macaron but that cookie dough ice cream is some good

magic; what are five flaws you have?

overthinking, clinging to comfort zone, procrastinating, isolating, either i dont stand up for myself or i do it too harshly

moonlight; do you prefer soft pastels, warm neutrals, or cool darks?

they all sound so lovely im feeling warm neutrals rn

munchkin; what do you look for in your significant other?

emotional labour, similar energy level

paddywack; how would you describe a perfect date?

I JUST WANT TO SPEND TIME WITH SOMEONE and there has to be food

pebbles; how do you spend free time by yourself?

doing THIS... all my free time... is basically by myself

precious; what is something valuable that you learned in your life?

you dont have to be useful to be valuable. you deserve love just because you exist, and even if you feel strongly that everything sucks, that could be your comfort zone talking. im having a mental health week

pretty; do you like to cook or bake more?

cook. id bake but then i eat stuff that doesnt make my stomach as happy

prince; how would you describe your handwriting?

oh its GORGEOUS. i have been practising my handwriting in my Diary for Months.

princess; do you play any instruments? if not, are there any you wish you could play?

yes, piano mostly... ive been feeling Urges to play guitar lately that have surprised me

prinky; how do you relieve stress?

doing something restful/mentally restoring like taking a break or talking calming things to myself

pumpkin; what is your favourite kind of fruit/vegetable?

LOVE THAT ZUCCHINI...F RY THAT BITCH WITH GARLIC AND ONION...

rainbow; what was the last line of the last book you read?

i have not read a book

roses; what is the most significant event in your life so far?

realizing im trans

smile; what is one thing that has greatly affected you?

ill think of a nice one, moving away from my parents, theres been so much healing

shine; art or music?

MUSIC

shimmer; do animals tend to like you?

yes

smitten; do you collect anything?

bonsais?? 

smoochies; how many pillows do you sleep with?

one

snuggle; what is your favourite candy?

chocolate, any,

snuggly; do you have a camera? if so, what kind?

phone camera, ithas all these cool filters and things it can do, it says my plants are food

sparkle; do you wear jewelry?

occasionally. its mostly the black tourmaline bracelet

spooky; sunrise or sunset?

sunset, that is the beautifulest

sprinkles; do you like to listen to music with headphones or no headphones?

with headphones. i just ... maybe this is a growing up thing but i cant imagine Taking Up Space playing my music out loud... then other people can judge my music choice... theyd Know things about me... 

starlight; what was your favourite show as a child?

save ums. i have this answer ready to go. that is because after five i stopped having a tv

soft; describe your favourite spot in your house.

my rooooooommmmmmmmmm my BED

soothe; digital or vinyl?

digital? what is this about?

squeezed; who do you miss right now?

my sister. she always says i never hang out but ... she doesnt seem interested in things i actually like... she tries and she cares but...

sugary; what traits do you value most in friends?

loyal, honest

sunshine; do you prefer for things to be practical or aesthetically pleasing?

practical, i just cant focus on aesthetic because then i get way too picky with eeeverything

sweet; do you find it easy to open up?

NO, unless i am on tumblr where there are no Laws. or it depends on how easy the person is to talk to.

sweetie; do you like kids? if so, do you ever want to have any?

yes, yes but NOT RIGHT NOW, i think kids are really Good, theyre simple and honest

thimble; is there somebody you look up to? who are they?

i look up to the Bosses at my work, i mean they seem like they try really hard and do a good job and they have to lead everyone else too i respect that

toot; what is something you find unique about yourself?

the emotional intelligence dial. it is maybe too far. but im realizing that isnt so common.

tootsie; what kind of friend are you?

i hope, at least the kind i would want. probably very energetic, with negative or positive stuff

treasure; what was something that made you smile today?

another person at work called me by my last name. i find this funny because 1) it sounds funny to just shout 2) why are they all so fascinated with it .... yknow its because they wanted it to see if it was ramsay. did they seriously think. bunch of cooking nerds. is this their new power move.

velvet; are you an early bird or a night owl?

niGHT OWL

whiffle; if you could have a magical power, what would it be?

shapeshifting

whimsical; do you prefer doing stuff at home or going out?

home, but i would enjoy going out with the right people i think. which has never happened.

whiskers; do you usually wear makeup?

no

wiggly; are you a messy or tidy person?

tidy

wispy; do you like the place where you grew up? do you think you will live there when you get older?

yes, and no. my heart is set on being Out in the Nature though. i dont know if i can really really go back to where i grew up. theres so many complicated and painful feelings around it, and im not really welcome. 3

wobbly; have you ever wished upon a star?

yes, i wish on all kinds of stuff all the time

[floweringthewords]

Lost Love.

VOILA

~C

I went into work frustrated and left feeling the same. Even my friend Helen asked if I was okay. I wanted to tell her that no, I was not okay, because somewhere out there this dude is singing about an almost identical situation to mine and I have had zero luck finding out who he is or looking up the song because it’s been so busy, and this was going to bother me until I went the fuck home and either confirmed or denied this so I could feel better. Once the work day was done, I stop by the Starbucks across the street for a bagel and some coffee to lift my spirits. A part of me was convinced the song was following me; it played once at work and I thought it might start playing as soon as I entered. I open google while I waited in line, searching Lost Love and getting mixed results, mostly just a bunch of corny quotes and articles. I attach a lyrics that I remembered from the song vaguely, hoping there would be some kind of match. The first video to pop up directed me to Youtube and a band’s channel called the Maine. The Maine? I nervously press play, the sound of waves growing until the image fades in. A man sat by the ocean with his arms resting on his knees. The camera was focused on his long fingers for a moment, then another shot of tattoos on his arm, before finally panning up to his thin lips and- Oh my God. I pause the video to process his features. There was no mistaking that face or those hazel green eyes and long lashes; the strong jaw and big nose. No doubt left that it was him. Shocked, I hardly hear when I’m called next in line, walking up frazzled and stammering as I give my order. I leave my phone at my side, leaning against the wall near the desk while I try to understand. How the hell did I not know? I never heard from him after he dropped out. He left unexpectedly after the semester was over. No explanation, no apology, just vanished. I never knew he’d dropped out and gone to make music for a living. The barista calls my order and I quickly take it before rushing back to my car. I resume the video, watching his solemn expression as his eyes remain on the water. “John!” a voice calls out his name, and a small separate person in me does a tiny flip inside my stomach. He turns, saying he’d be right there as the camera turns to a group banded around a campfire but I already longed to see his face. He’d changed so much but he was still the same. And he’d gotten so handsome. The next scene shows him staring at his phone and opening his music I gape as he scrolls to Bittersweet Symphony and presses play. Rising to his feet, he walks toward the water and takes a deep breath, the wind ruffling his hair. “I’ll swim until I wash up to shore to you if I have to,” he whispers and I feel my pulse quicken as he submerges slowly into the water, showing a shot of his body down below. “What the fuck,” I mutter, taking it all in. Was this him calling out to me? It felt like too much of a coincidence and too specific a message for this to be about anybody. But I just… I didn’t understand. He was never in love with me. The sound of the song is muffled as his arms make long strokes, his loose white shirt floating around him and I grow mesmerized, wishing I could reach out and grab his hand and tell him I was right here. I never went anywhere. He was the one who left. Their own song merges cleverly with the one playing as the music video begins, but I had to stop watching. I still couldn’t believe it. All this time I had always wondered but never even thought to look him up. And now he’s staring me right in the face and following me around like a breeze. I was about to search for his name alone when I noticed it in the suggested links. “John O’ Callaghan of the Maine Talks About New Album, Lost Love, and Band’s Rise to Success.” I could never forget that name. Just as soon as I click on it, I’m overwhelmed by him smiling at the camera and introducing himself with that ridiculously long name and stupid permanent smirk. That slanted smile hasn’t changed a bit and now I was crying because that was definitely him. I had already known that, but it still didn’t feel real until I could truly put the face to the voice. My mind didn’t notice the interviewer already talking and I go back to hear his question and John’s optimistic nod and openness. “-is in the top 50 now. How has that been for you, y’know as part of an independent band and always having been keeping yourselves sort of under the radar?” His lips slant up and he scratches his head through his grey beanie. “Uhh, it’s been weird, yeah. I’m not used to turning on the radio and hearing, well me. It’s like, I try to change the station but ten minutes later I’ll hear the song and I’m like, ‘Oh, hey, that’s kinda cool. But shut the fuck up.’ I kinda get sick of it.” He laughs goodheartedly and crosses his leg. “But yeah, it’s definitely weird as well as incredibly humbling because we’ve gotten this far and that wouldn’t have happened without our fans always driving us on to keep making music.” “Yeah, it’s insane the traction that you guys have gotten with Lost Love. I mean, it’s playing on almost radio station. Were you a bit scared at first to release something so personal? Were you afraid of how people would react to this…well, declaration of love to put it simply?” My nerves tingle and he licks his lips as he sits up. “I think maybe at first. I mean I’d never talked about it to anyone except close friends so to reveal that was kind of terrifying. It’s something that I’ve kept to myself for years and I had always sort of had a neverending draft of what I wanted to say to this girl, and I haven’t seen her since college. I don’t know, the timing this time around for this album felt right and I wanted to give the fans something sincere, while still just doing it because I wanted to. It felt like a weight off my chest.” “Has the one you wrote the song about gotten in contact with you ever since the release of the song?” My mouth dries and I watch as he flashes a tight lipped smile. “No, no I don’t think she even knows about it or has heard it. I never talked to her again because I’m…an idiot, basically.” He does an open hand gesture as he shrugs and I huff, agreeing. “Let’s ask the real stuff. Were you ever in love?” I snort to myself, getting ready for the response that I’d been prepared to hear almost ten years ago. He’d find a way of breaking it to me and the rest of the internet soft. No, I think I was just infatuated. We were just kids so we only thought it was love. I liked her a lot but it wasn’t serious. He’d break it to me the only way he could, with his charm. This should be good- “Yeah, yeah I think it was love. But I never told her and that’s what that song is about, regretting I never did.” Wait. WHAT. “What?!” I shout at my phone, feeling my face heat up, both at embarrassment and anger. He fucking loved me? And he never told me? “And you never tried to find her again?” the man asks him. John gives a sympathetic smile, apparently not really knowing how to respond. “I always thought I was too late and I missed my chance. She was probably mad at me anyway.” “You fucking idiot,” I mutter, shoving my keys in the ignition and starting up my car. I was going to find him and I was going to fucking kill him.

I end up driving past College Avenue until I remember the way through his neighborhood, spotting the gates and being ushered through. I’d done my research and found out they’d just gotten back from a tour in the UK, so if anybody knew about his whereabouts, it was his mother. I’d no idea what she would think or do when she saw me, but hopefully it wouldn’t send John running for the hills. I’d bottled up my confusion and hurt for months when he left, and I was ready to let him have it. He was going to get everything he deserved. Pulling into the old driveway, I wipe my palms on my thighs, tugging down my shorts in fear of Jenny disapproving. I didn’t need her thinking that the woman her son wrote a song about wasn’t right for him. Not that I gave a shit, but right now I was scared and I gave a shit. I take a quick look in the rearview, making sure my light brown waves were in place and that I didn’t look as mousy as I feel inside. Just walk up the front steps, I tell myself. It’ll be fine. She probably won’t even remember you. Knocking on the front door, I stand there anxiously as I wait for it to open. I pray with every ounce of my being that he wasn’t making a quick visit because I didn’t know if I was quite ready for that yet. Jenny’s face greets me and I breathe out a sigh of relief, feeling fireworks going off behind my brain and the little me inside me waving a patriotic flag for non-embarrassment. “Marty?” she says in a surprised, but yet somehow still motherly voice. Her short hair bobs as she shakes her head, eyes closing for a second. “Oh my goodness.” “Um, h-hi, Mrs. O’Callaghan,” I say, the little me sitting the fuck back down. She beams at me and opens the door a bit wider. “Hello, dear! Wow, it’s so good to see you. How are you?” “I’m well,” I mutter, clearing my throat. “I didn’t think I’d find you or if you’d even remember. I know it’s been a long time.” She clicks her tongue. “How could I forget? All the time John brought you over, I thought for sure he was going to announce you two were finally together one of those days.” My cheeks tinge warmly and I bite my lip. “Right. Th-That’s actually why I’m here-“ “You’re looking for him, right? You heard it?” I open my mouth to speak, but I can’t bring myself to form any actual words and merely nod instead. Jenny grins warmly and rests her hand behind my back. “Come in. He’s coming over in a bit, you can join us for dinner.” My eyes widen. Oh God no. “He’s coming over now?” “Relax, honey. You have nothing to be nervous about. You’ve no idea how many times he’s called me just this month about how badly he hoped you’d call him or find a way to get in contact. A part of me knew you would show up here though.” I swallow and I try to process what she was saying. He’s had me on his mind for this long and he’s waited till NOW to fess up? And he couldn’t tell me about this damn song instead of driving me insane for almost a decade? “If you want I can give him a call,” Jenny suggests, seeing the expression on my face. I shake my head. “N-No that’s fine. I think I prefer him finding the unexpected visit himself.” Jenny shoots me a glisten-eyed look. “He’s going to be so happy to see you.” My heartbeat picks up and I grit my teeth. God dammit, the more she talked about it, the more I remembered how his lips and hands would feel and the less angry I was getting. Fifteen minutes late, I sat impatiently with a glass of water in hand, hearing the car pull up in the driveway but too nervous to peak. My heart was racing 80 miles a minute because it’s been ten years of not knowing anything and now I knew everything and he was just on the other side of that wall. The doorbell rings and I try to keep my emotions in check as I get the courage to stand, letting Jenny answer the door. I could see his shadow in the hall as he kissed her on the cheek. “Hi, ma. How are you?” “Oh, I’m fine. More importantly than that, I think there’s something you’d like to know.” He chuckles and the heart going at full speed now screeched and crashed onto the highway. It wasn’t prepared for the sound. In person. “Yeah? What’s that? Did pops break his leg again?” “No. There’s somebody here to see you.” It’s silent and I have no way of knowing what his face looks like. The longer I waited, the more I longed to see it again and finally sear it into my brain the way I would when we’d lay across from each other and joke about getting divorced if we were to ever have a future together. It felt so far away ago. Jenny mumbles something I can’t hear before moving into the kitchen, leaving him standing alone just around the corner. Did he know what was waiting for him? Finally, I hear him exhale and I raise my head despite wanting to completely hide. His gaze met mine as I felt the space between us getting closer. Suddenly we were face to face and his eyes were vivid and wide. “Mars.” Fuck. He hadn’t called me that since our last night together. I was done for. My hands cup his stupid perfect face and I press my mouth against his angrily, letting go of all the pent up hatred I held for him like he had let me go. At least I thought he had. This whole time and he was still holding on. His arms wrap around my waist in a tight grip, and feel the firmness of his chest that somehow felt so much bigger. I hear a whimper as it gets stuck in my throat and John raises his hand to my cheek, running his thumb along my freckles and reminding me the whole reason I was here. I pull away abruptly, breathless and his lips trying to pull me back but I hide my head under his chin. “Why did you go away, you dumbass?” “I’m so sorry, Marty,” he whispers, his nose in my hair. “You didn’t deserve that.” “The hell I didn’t. You didn’t even say goodbye.” My voice grows thin and I wipe my eyes weakly. “You didn’t try to explain o-or tell me the truth.” “I was scared,” he mumbles as he winces. “I didn’t know if how I felt was for real. I only realized it when I still found you on my mind at night, years later.” I shove on his chest and pull away roughly. “I still deserved something even as a friend. I was fucking hurt.” He swallows roughly. “I know. I never thought I’d see you again. I thought if you ever did hear the song that you’d just hate me more and I’d have to go looking for you like I should have the first time.” He gives a soft crooked smile. “I never thought you’d be the one to wash up to shore.” My hearts melts and the little me starts dancing while tossing petals over my head. I could feel every part of me telling me to stay mad at him, but it was telling me to kiss him already, to give the lost love another chance.

“I’m sorry, Matilda Martin,” he murmurs, resting his forehead against mine. “I’m so sorry. Everything I regret is in that song. I just wanted to find you.” Sighing, I close my eyes and put his hands back on my waist. It’s all I ever thought about when the side of my bed felt empty and the moon was out. And now he was here again and despite all the time we missed out on, it felt like the start of something brand new, and it was stronger. “I love you,” I tell him, unfiltered and sincere. “I always have.” His brows draw together and he kisses me once more, carrying me over the clouds and above the water. “I love you. To Mars and back.”

[sleeptight-grimrite]

Hey! I'm looking for some new music and since you're the composer behind the lovely DTI soundtracks, I was wondering if you have some recommendations? What are your favourites at the moment? Thanks! :)

!!!!!!!!!!!! “composer”??!?! ;___; Gurrrrrl you better stopppp *screams*

Um, well I don’t know what your tastes are, so I’m not really sure what to include, but I’ll do like you said and lay out some of my favs atm. I hope you don’t mind a long ass answer. Idk how to do this any other way lmao.

I honestly CANNOT stop listening to Love Crime by Siouxie Sioux, man. It’s the best and would have made it onto the soundtrack if I wasn’t such a dumbass. It fits so well with anything dark, sexy and deadly. All of which, incidentally, are nicknames of mine. *finger guns*

I’m also obsessed with Waveforms by Django Django. It reminds me of L.A. and though I hate L.A., I think this song single-handedly made me not hate it? And made me wanna go back? It’s ~~magical~~ like that, I guess.

Okay, now you want something life-changing (or at least moment-changing)? Listen to 1750 (Outra) by Richard Spaven. Man, nothing zens me out more. When I’m on the bus home from work or taking a walk in the evening, I turn this to the max on my ear phones and just float away, man. I know that sounds cheesy af, but honestly, ask me if I gaf (spoiler: I don’t). And another one that makes me do that is Cashmere Cat by Mirror Maru. Though the latter is especially good for evenings or eaarrrly mornings. *sigh*

Recover (Cid Rim Remix) by CHVRCHES is another one I wish I’d put on the DTI soundtrack, but again…*bangs head* I’m an IDIOT (but at the same time, there’s no song on the DTI soundtrack I could name to drop, so perhaps that means it’s fine as it is). This song, for some reason, gives me nostalgic feels for reasons I can’t really explain? Anyway, I’m really into it atm.

I also CANNOT stop listening to Brand New Revolution by Guts. Omg, how can you not dance to this?!  And also – and this is between you and me – in my head, I imagine if DTI was a movie, the movie would start of with this playing while Miles is bustin’ caps in mofos and there being little clips of him dancing in between. Like, kinda Tarantino-esque, but w/e. ANYWAY. This song is awesome. Check it out. Seriously, that song got me on the bus like 

And if you’re into hip-hop, I’ve just started rewatching Samurai Champloo for the 954305439534543th time (those who know me and have followed me for a while know it’s my fav anime ever and I’m geTTING A MUGEN TATTOO SJDIOJFS!!!) so I’m totally obsessed with Nujabes and Cise Starr atm. I discovered a lot of good music watching that anime (you find a lot of good music watching anime in genera, tbh) and Nujabes is probably one of my all time favorite artists. Definitely one of the best DJs ever and definitely in the top 15 and Cise Starr is an amazing rapper/hip hop musician and it’s beyond thrilling that they worked together a lot (Nujabes RIP). 

There’s literally too many to count as far as my favorites go, but for Cise Starr, I’d start with Adrift. Where they collaborated, I’d check out  Feather (ft.Cise Starr) and I’d also check out Re: Pulse who did a few songs w/ Cise Starr. My favorite is  Sol (ft. Cise Starr). For Nujabes, omgg, so many. But I’d start with Counting Stars (which is actually in my fav ep of Samurai Champloo and how I discovered Nujabes) and Kujaku/Transcendence (which honestly gets me through work most days). Also check out Shiki no Uta, which is also by Nujabes ft. Minmi. It gives me so much nostalgia, I honestly wanna turn it off sometimes cuz it makes me wanna cry (reminds me of my brother), but it’s soo good, ugh. 

Um, what else…oh, I’ve also been listening to some old school stuff. Like, old old school stuff. Cuz it reminds me of mommy ;_; Some of my favorites recently have been Doo Wa Ditty by Zapp and Roger, Sitting in the Park by Billy Stewart and Start to Stop by Blue Magic. Oh! And I Want You by Marvin Gaye. These all remind me of my childhood and my mom turning the music up so loud, I could feel it in my bones and shakin’ our butts til our legs gave out lmao. She played a lot of music like that in general, but I’ve been pretty obsessed w/ those in particular recently.

So…I think that’s about it, anon. Sorry you asked? I would be. But thanks for the note and for asking. I hope you end up liking at least some of this stuff