#male chlamydia

[semenanalysis]

Common STDs in Men and Their Causes & Symptoms

STDs in men remain a major public health challenge. Learn more about the common STDs in men, their causes, and their symptoms in this article.

Article Source :

This article was originally published on

[itsthecline]

THIS COULD BE US

I DO NOT GET JEALOUS

ִֶָ 𓂃⊹ ִֶָ topper’s birthday was practically made out to be a national holiday on the island. you had gotten your mother to lend you the yacht , having a more intimate party earlier for dinner. rafe and kelce set up the condo for the actual party. everything was going smooth. until it wasn’t.

word count 5.8k

warnings profanity , jealous!reader and kinda jealous!rafe , mentions of chlamydia , underage drinking , pda ( just kissing and grabbing ) , smut ( oral male!receiving in car , oral fem!receiving , unprotected pinv , spanking (1) , facial ) , and i think that’s it

MINORS DNI 18+ ONLY

IN TOPPER fashion , his birthday party has a theme and dress code. white party , white clothes , white fucking yacht. and because it was his birthday , and he was one of your best friends , you gave in to every single demand he had.

he wanted a dj? done. he wanted the men to women ratio at a happy 1:3? done. he wanted a specific dish created by a specific chef from the mainland? done. he demanded a bouncer to stand at the front door of rafe’s condo for hours just so no ruffians get inside? done.

you were busting your ass to make sure his birthday was going perfectly , and you were doing a damn good job. good enough that it made you think you wanted this exact party for your own twenty-first. you had lost track of him once or twice already. dinner just finished , and he went missing again. grabbing a drink of your own , to relax a little bit after how much work you had been putting into this one night.

“look at miss event coordinator. i know you’re not drinking on the job,” kelce joked , walking up to you with rafe as you sipped your gin and tonic.

“it’s my boat. i’ll drink when i want,” you retorted , side hugging the boy before moving to rafe and hugging him as well, “do you think top’s enjoying himself? he keeps disappearing.”

“oh yeah. he’s enjoying himself alright. enjoying himself with ruthie , chloe , harper , and i think he’s enjoying himself with tabitha right now,” rafe chuckled lowly , taking a swig of his own drink to hide his suggestive smile.

you theatrically gagged , smacking rafe’s arm. “you’re all disgusting. this is my mom’s boat,” you groaned, “i expected you not to fornicate on it.”

“like you haven’t?” kelce quipped , recalling the time you and your ex boyfriend had gone at it so rough one night you had to replace the railing on the sun deck.

“my boat!” you huffed , giggling with them as they laughed at you.

“well , i came over here to let you know we’re good to dock whenever top is. house is all set up,” rafe cleared his throat , seeing topper emerge from the cabin, “there’s the birthday boy!” he cheered , calling topper over.

“guys! i have gotten four separate blowies. this is the best birthday ever,” he slurred his words after he wobbled over to the three of you, “y/n/n , you’re the best for planning everything for me,” he smiled , pressing a slobbery kiss to your temple.

you smiled , discreetly wiping the spit from yourself before wrapping your arm around his waste. “you only turn twenty-one once,” you shrugged, “you ready to go to the actual party?”

“oh , for sure! maybe i’ll get laid four times!” topper laughed , dapping kelce up all the while.

“you’re all pigs!” you scoffed lightly , making your way to the helm, “be back!”

the guests that were scattered around moved to let you walk through without asking , and not long after that you were all headed back to figure eight. you and the boys helped topper off the boat and back onto solid land , his stability not getting any better. the sun hadn’t even set , so you knew in a few hours he would be passed out in one of the guest rooms at rafe’s condo.

it wasn’t long until the house was filled with people. the music was going , playing all of topper’s favorite songs along with the party classics. everyone was drinking and having fun in celebration for topper , and you couldn’t be happier.

for one : you pulled off what looked to be the best twenty-first birthday in kildare. but more importantly , you could stop hosting and have fun yourself. your wedges smacked against the marble flooring as you made your way to the bar. “can i have a tequila soda with a lime? and just a shot as well , please?” you ordered sweetly , silently thanking the bartender for coming to you first despite other people waiting for drinks.

he handed you the shot first , allowing you take it before you got your drink. you throw the shot back , letting it glide down your throat without getting you to make a face. the bartender smiled at that , mixing your drink quickly.

you turned around , leaning against the bar after thanking him. your eyes scanned the crowd. people dancing in the living room , suck and blow happening in the kitchen , swimming and chicken fights in the pool. everything looked good. everything was good.

except you didn’t have not one of your boys with you. you looked around for kelce or rafe. you had seen topper stumble upstairs with a pretty redhead a few minutes ago , but you hadn’t really seen rafe or kelce since you told them to check on a few things before the party even really started.

your brows furrowed , truly not seeing either one. but the crease in your forehead deepened when you found rafe. he was lounging on the couch , legs spread and arms on the back. he was in a group , a couple of guys you knew from school , and a few girls you recognized as well. you watched from a distance , sipping on your drink slowly. you noticed how crystal— if you remembered correctly , was laughing harder than need be , touching rafe’s body in any way she could.

and you don’t know what you would call it— it was jealousy , but something in the pit of your stomach burned. your skin felt hot , your eyes rolling all on their own. because there rafe was hanging out with people that weren’t you when your song was playing. the track made the playlist several times because it was your song. and he wasn’t even looking for you?

“can i get another shot please?” you turned around and asked the bartender. he nodded , pouring one out before sliding it to you.

you downed it easier than the first , setting the glass back down on the counter before drinking the rest of your actual drink. you pivoted on your foot , heading straight toward the couch. like usual , people shifted to the side to let you pass. even if they hadn’t , you weren’t too sure that you wouldn’t have run them right over.

rafe saw you in his peripheral , saw you storming over in your comically— to him , high wedges and silky , white dress. your tits practically jumping out of the material as you stomped.

he looked up at you and smiled when you arrived , but was quickly taken aback when you planted yourself in his lap. his arm came down to wrap around your waist naturally , but during his movement , your own hands came up to his face and pulled him in for a kiss.

you didn’t know you were going to do that. originally , in your head , you were just going to storm over and pout. this was much different than that. but rafe didn’t hesitate to kiss you back , hand on your waist squeezing your body closer to his. he groaned into it , tongue licking your lips before you opened your mouth.

neither one of you were aware how long you were making out when you pulled away , breathing heavily in each other’s faces. until crystal— still you weren’t too sure , cleared her throat.

“oh , hey!” you smiled , leaning into rafe’s touch. his cheeks were still burning from the shock of you traipsing over to stake your claim. he knew what it was the moment he saw the pout in your lips.

the girl was blushing on her own , not realizing that you and rafe had finally gotten together after years of being just friends. “hi,” she muttered awkwardly.

“did you end up taking care of that raging case of chlamydia yet , babes?” you asked , voice sweeter than syrup. crystal— presumably , dropped her jaw , eyebrows tight.

“excuse me?” she scoffed , shocked you would say something like that , but more shocked that you knew.

“oh , did i get that wrong?” you fake worried , hand coming up to your heart, “i thought i heard les and gigi talking about it at the club a couple weeks ago , but maybe it wasn’t you?” you flipped your hair over your shoulder , showing her that you truly didn’t care.

maybe you were a mean girl like everyone said.

“no,” she stated coldly, “it wasn’t me.” she stood up , grabbing her purse and phone before rushing away.

you smiled as soon as she turned , not bothered by her leaving. that was the whole point.

“ooh , you’re mean , pretty kitty,” rafe chuckled beside you , his other hand coming to your thigh and rubbing up and down.

he always called you that. kitty. he said it was because you had claws but looked so sweet at the same time. you harassed him for having a pet-play kink until you realized the term of endearment was quite cute. special just for you.

“what?” you shrugged , looking at him like the last thing you said wasn’t fowl, “i made it up , but i guess the topic hit home for her , so it’s probably best she left anyway.”

rafe rolled his eyes with a smile before grabbing the back of your neck and pulling you in for another kiss. you squealed into his lips at the sudden movement , body shifting in his lap. your hand landed on his chest to catch yourself , and you let your body melt into his.

“you all jealous i’m not paying attention to ya , kitty. green isn’t your color,” he told you , pulling back from the sloppy kiss.

you sat back , offended he would ever accuse you of such a thing. “that’s not true , rafey. you know that,” you whined , lightly— barely at all , hitting his chest in protest of his statement.

“which part?”

“all of it,” you decided with a firm shake of your head, “i do not get jealous , and i always have your attention,” you added , leaning in for another kiss, “and i do look good in green.

“i know , i know. the elusive y/n y/l/n never gets jealous,” rafe played along , kissing you gently as his hand slid further up your thigh, “but i do.”

“what do you mean?” you hummed , moving your lips to kiss at his face and the side of his neck now.

“saw the bartender making eyes at you,” rafe murmured , sighing at the last kiss you planted right behind his ear, “the help was eyeing you.”

“it’s the twenty-first century , rafe. we don’t call them the help anymore,” you reminded him with a roll of his eyes and another inch of skin discovered by his hand, “and besides , i wasn’t focused on him. i was watching you.”

rafe smiled , heart beating faster when you so openly said that he had your attention. of course as friends , you always let the boys know how much you loved and appreciated them. but this was different. this was just for rafe— no one else.

“you missed our song,” you mumbled into his neck , not wanting him to hear that you were disappointed in your voice.

“i was singing along in my head,” he assured you , running his hand up and down your back.

you sighed , taking in the feeling of his hands on you , the warmth they spread throughout your body. “since i’m not allowed to talk to the bartender , will you go get me another drink , rafey?” you asked sweetly , only shifting your head a little bit to let him hear you clearer. you also translated his earlier jealousy of the bartender to making it clear he didn’t want you around him again. that’s how it usually went.

“whatever you want , kitty,” he agreed , pressing a kiss into your temple before tapping you leg to get you up.

rafe stood as well , now towering over you. his drunken smile making him look even better than he did before. you smiled back at him , batting your lashes before he rolled his eyes and yanked you in for another kiss. “don’t make me wait long,” you warned him , ending the kiss and ushering him to the bar.

happily , you sat back down to wait. your solitary peace was quickly disrupted by kelce and topper flopping down next to you.

“four blowjobs and one fuck! best birthday ever,” topper congratulated himself once again , hair messy and lips swollen.

“you’re such a slut , top,” you laughed , getting more comfortable now that you and rafe were most likely hanging out in the living room for longer, “what did you do pop a v?” you joked , causing both boys to laugh like he had in fact taken a viagra.

“speaking of slut…” kelce began with a cheeky little smile. it said he knew something juicy , and topper was all over it.

“what? who fucked who?” he asked , wanting to know exactly what happened and when and where and why.

kelce laughed , nudging you gently. “miss penthouse over here was mackin’ on our boy,” he sold you out , grinning ear to ear, “thought it would never happen.”

“and i missed it?” topper whined , throwing his head back and resting it on the couch, “i always wanted to be there the day you and rafe got together.”

you frowned at topper , feeling oh so bad for him until you flicked his throat , causing him to sit up straight and cough. “you’re a perv,” you stated, “and you too , kel. didn’t know you liked watching.”

“oh , i’d watch you do just about anything , baby,” he flirted , knowing it would make you roll your eyes. that’s how you and the boys were. they flirted with you jokingly ; you called them pigs. it was your dynamic.

“you’re not watching her do jack shit from now on,” rafe spoke , smacking kelce upside the head as he handed you your full glass. you got up , letting him take his place before falling into his lap.

kelce laughed , dapping his friend up. “man , you know i’m not going anywhere near your girl.”

“excuse me! i’m still a human being,” you interrupted, “actually i’m one of your very few friends. please act accordingly,” you playfully reached out and punched his arm.

“so who’s taking who’s last name?” topper asked , grabbing a beer that was sitting on the table and chugging it. gross.

you grimaced at the sight. “maybe you should focus on not drinking random drinks , t,” you suggested , feeling rafe’s hand creep up your thigh again , drawing small patterns on the plush skin.

“i’m the birthday boy. i can do whatever i want!” topper roared , throwing his hands up in the air triumphantly.

“you’re gonna get roofied one of these days,” you shook your head.

“here’s hoping! it’d probably make my night ten times crazier,” topper laughed , finishing the beer and setting the cup back down.

the four of you sat and chatted for a bit , appreciating the time you weren’t being bothered and you could simply enjoy the party. rafe had been pressing kisses into your skin , making his way from your shoulders to your neck while topper and kelce dove down their own conversation.

“we should go,” he whispered just loud enough for you to hear before nibbling at your ear, “soon.” he lifted his hips up with you still in his lap , making the hard on in his slacks known.

you turned in his grasp , giving him a knowing look. “i don’t hookup with boys on the first night,” you reminded him.

“this isn’t the first night,” rafe corrected you , moving some of your hair out of your face and behind your ear, “i’ve been thinkin’ bout this forever. by myself , with other people , when i’m with you. it’s not the first night for me , and i can guarantee it isn’t for you either.” he made a very fair point.

you hummed , taking it into consideration. “but it’s topper’s birthday,” you reasoned , looking over just as he and kelce went outside to the pool. the blonde jumped in , splashing people with the water before coming up for air and yelling out. the crowd cheered as kelce joined him.

“don’t think he’s too worried bout us leaving,” rafe commented , looking at the way topper already had a girl in his arms to make out with.

you pushed yourself up from rafe’s lap and the couch. rafe scrambled to get up , thinking that you were about to leave without him. “c’mon then,” you spoke , grabbing his hand in yours and leading him away from the party. the closer you got to his car , the quieter everything got. like being with rafe silenced everything else. it did for you.

like always , rafe opened your door for you , letting you get settled into the seat designated for you before shutting the door and getting in himself. it took a decent amount of time to get to the hotel. rafe lived on figure eight , which was the more local side of the island. you lived in your penthouse on the more west side of the island , where all of the tourons got off the ferry and onto the sand.

rafe never minded the drive , knowing it was helping you out. but tonight? he was speeding in an attempt to get there faster.

his hand was gripping your thigh , kneading it in his grip. it slipped under your dress about halfway to your place , pinky finger reaching out to touch the delicate material you wore beneath it. he didn’t do anything more though.

it wasn’t like him , but he wasn’t about to finger bang you in his car. you weren’t that type of girl to him. you weren’t a quick fuck he met at a party. no , you were his girl. and his girl deserved more than that. at least the first time. maybe tomorrow he would suggest it on the way back to his house.

but you had had enough of the teasing and gentle touches. with a roll of your eyes , you unbuckled and shifted in your seat to face rafe entirely. your hand reached over to his own lap , tracing the outline of his boner.

“and what’re you doing?” rafe questioned with a smirk, “hm?”

“it’s a long drive , and i’m bored,” you answered plainly , undoing his belt and pulling the zipper of his slacks down, “so i wanna kill some time. that okay?” you looked at him with those big eyes , and he had this exact dream not that long ago , so of course he wasn’t going to say no. especially not when you were already pulling him out of his briefs.

“do whatever you want to me , kitty cat. m’all yours,” he nodded , thrusting his hips up involuntarily when your hand started pumping him.

you hummed contentedly , leaning over the center console to take the tip of him into your mouth. you pressed a sweet kiss to it first , licking your lips clean of the precum he was dripping with , and when rafe whined , you knew you would do this every day of your life moving forward if you could.

you sucked at the tip , hand still moving up and down in tandem with the suction before slowly taking more of him in. you didn’t mind the fact that his hips shifted up every once in a while , forcing you to take him further. you liked it , liked knowing he couldn’t control his body.

“fuck , baby. mouth feels fuckin’ perfect,” rafe moaned out , removing one of his hands from the wheel to the hem of your dress. he flipped it up , exposing your panties to the ac of his car before his fingers trailed down to your center , feeling the wet patch that had taken property of the material.

you moaned when his fingers applied pressure , encouraging you to take him down your throat entirely. your nose brushed against the hair at the base and your throat contracted around his cock , almost causing you to gag before you hummed and pulled off of him. your hand kept up its ministrations , spreading your spit around as you twisted your wrist , earning a solid smack on your ass.

maybe he would fuck you in the car.

“want you to cum in my mouth , rafey,” you admitted , looking at him through your watery lashes for just a moment of eye contact before going back down to his lap and swallowing him again.

“keep going then , baby. so close,” rafe groaned , pulling your underwear to the side to truly feel you, “got yourself all worked up just from sucking my dick?” it almost came out humorously , but it wasn’t that. rafe was just so gobsmacked that you were this wet from a few touches and kisses.

you hummed again around him , bobbing your head up and down fast , taking him all the way each time. it was a lot , but it wasn’t anything you weren’t completely willing to handle.

“fuck , fuck,” he grunted , removing his fingers from your needy clit to reach the top of your head. he didn’t push you down any further , just held you there for a moment. “gonna cum , baby. you gonna swallow it all for me like a good girl?”

you nodded around him , feeling the first few drops of his release land on your tongue before the rest came flooding your mouth. you tried to pull back , needing more room in your mouth for the load he was depositing there , but he held your head firm. “stay right there,” he moaned , the after shocks of his orgasm hitting as his cum started to spill from your mouth and run down the length of him.

you blinked away the tears and did your best to breath through your nose until he let go of you. his hand returned to you , rubbing and gripping at your ass. you immediately pulled yourself off of him , gasping and swallowing his cum before leaning over again to lick him clean.

“fuck! you’re so good,” rafe laughed , guiding your head up as he came to a red light. he adjusted himself back into his pants before looking over to you. your mascara had started to run a little , roughing up the sleek edge you always tried to maintain. you had spit dribbling down your chin that you were wiping at. “prettiest thing in the obx,” he added , moving to press a kiss to you lips.

you whined into the kiss , shifting to be as close to him as possible. “drive faster,” you said against his lips , needing him now more than ever.

just like that , the light turned green , and you both thanked the universe. that was a good sign.

the light wasn’t too far from your place , so the drive was only a few more minutes. during that time , you readjusted yourself , conjuring up your image again like it was nothing. you didn’t even look like you just took rafe’s cock down you throat. luckily , that was the goal. you didn’t want you mom to find out from the concierge that her daughter was a whore who gave boys road head before taking them up to your suite and having your way with them.

no , she wouldn’t approve.

soon enough , rafe was parking in your designated parking spot near the entrance of the hotel. he didn’t waste any time before jumping out and rushing to let you out of the truck as well. you kissed him politely when he did out of thanks.

your hands found each other again as you lead him inside the hotel. he had been there hundreds of times , but the adrenaline running through his veins and straight to the tent in his pants was different. he wasn’t coming over to hang out with you or to pick you up. he was staying over because you had finally kissed him. after years of wanting you and pushing that greed to the side , he had you. you were his.

and no , neither of you said it , but you both always knew. you more subconsciously than him. he was painfully aware of his feelings for you , and he was okay with waiting. because look at where it got him.

a hello from the front desk and a sloppy makeout in the private elevator later you were entering your home.

you walked into the kitchen , knowing rafe would either follow you or go straight to your room. you grabbed a couple of water bottles and headed to the bedroom , which rafe did choose over the kitchen.

“making yourself at home?” you chuckled , setting the waters down on your bedside table as you took in the sight of rafe getting comfortable in your bed.

“what? you gonna kick me out?” he laughed with you as you made your way to him , crawling up the bed to straddle him.

“never,” you whispered , leaning in to kiss him again. this one was the softest of them all , the slowest more sensual one of the night.

rafe’s hands found purchase on your hips , pushing your down into his own for friction. you both groaned at the feeling , not breaking the kiss.

“you done talkin’ to girls at parties?” you asked him , pulling away and swirling your hips as your hands rubbed at his chest.

his eyes were closed , head fallen back in the satin pillows. “never liked ‘em anyway,” he nodded , fingers tightening on your waist when you moved just right.

“i mean it,” you reiterated , slowing your movements.

“me too,” rafe assured you , sitting up and holding onto you, “they were never you. never could be,” he whispered , kissing you gently again before flipping you over, “you done flirting with bartenders?”

“i never have,” you giggled as he nipped at your neck , grinding his hips into yours.

“then i think we can agree , it’s just me and you,” rafe’s voice came out shaky— whether it was the nerves of exclusivity or the way you felt under him.

your smile widened as you tilted your head. “is the big bad rafe cameron asking me somethin’?” you teased him as he pulled away to look at you.

“kitty,” he began , his own smile forming if it ever truly left. you bit your lip in anticipation. you knew rafe , knew he couldn’t ask you what he wanted.

“it’s fine , rafe,” you nodded meekly, “promise.”

and ignoring the pinch in your stomach , you pulled him back in for a kiss that he dodged to make his mark on your body.

“sorry” he mumbled into your skin , biting and sucking at your neck down to your collarbone, “i wanna. i promise,” he spoke so softly , moving lower and lower down your chest, “but you know you’re my girl , right?” he looked up at you as he slid your dress up to your stomach. his fingers traced the hem of your underwear , causing you to take a deep breath in. “right?” he echoed , hooking his fingers to pull them down your legs.

“yeah,” you nodded , waiting for him to touch you again. his kisses started on your thighs , holding them open as he moved your legs over his shoulders.

“good girl using your words,” he chuckled , sticking his tongue out and swiping it through your folds once slowly before sucking your clit into his mouth. your head fell back , jaw open to let out a whiney moan , one you’d been holding in all night.

you knew about rafe and his experience. you knew because you were best friends who told each other everything. with that in mind , you had no clue he ate pussy like a starved man , like you were oxygen and he had been underwater for too long.

when he slid a finger into you , you tensed up a little , not expecting the stretch yet. “relax , baby,” he chastised you , diving back in to mouth at your clit to get you to let your muscles untense. and god , it felt good. too good.

“fuck , fuck! rafe , stop. stop , stop,” you rushed out , pushing his head away from you , and he immediately pulled away and sat up.

“what’s wrong?” he worried , searching your face for anything.

you giggled , pulling him in to kiss you. “i want you to fuck me,” you told him , hand going to the tent in his pants again, “that’s what we came here for , right? so fuck me so i can come on your cock,” you whispered in his ear.

the man didn’t waste any time. he tore his pants off , slipping out of his shit just as fast while you undressed yourself , giggling the whole time.

“what’re you laughin’ at , kitty?” rafe asked despite chuckling with you as he found his way back on top of you. he left his hand guide himself to your entrance , promptly stopping any laughter coming from your lips. he slid his cock through your folds , up and down until you were whining.

“rafey…” you sighed , using your leg hooked around his hips to pull him closer.

and he couldn’t deny you any longer. not with that look on your face. not with the cadence of your voice. not with how wet you were. as rafe slid himself in , completely to the hilt , you both groaned in sync. he paused , stilling inside of you to give you both a second. lord knows he needed one. “you okay , baby?” he asked gently , kissing at your neck. he still hadn’t moved , breathing deep.

“mhm , want you to fuck me,” you nodded , maneuvering to kiss him on the lips. your tongues fought for dominance as you made out , rafe’s hips starting to move.

his thrusts were harsh— deep and hard. the type that forced moans out of your mouth with each one. your head thrown back gave rafe the chance to mark your neck more. he grunted in your ear , hot breath hitting your skin as he gripped so tight on your hips he was sure there would be bruises there too.

“you’re so fucking perfect,” rafe moaned , holding himself up to fully look at you, “pretty fuckin’ kitty , wanting me to fuck you so bad , huh?” he was smiling the whole time. he moved around , sitting back and pulling your legs together. he kissed at your calves , slamming into your faster harder than before.

your mouth was left open , moans and whines and borderline screams flying out freely. “fuck! so fucking deep , rafe. feels so good,” you babbled , hands gripping the sheets in your hands.

“yeah? you like that , baby?” he grunted , wetting his thumb with his tongue before moving it to rub at your clit in time with his thrusts, “squeezin’ me so tight,” he moaned , letting his head drop back in ecstasy just for a moment before focusing again.

“i’m so close! right there , right fucking there!” you alerted him , hands coming up to grab at your tits.

“ahh , that’s it,” rafe hissed , not changing a thing he was doing, “cum on my cock , baby. fucking cum for me.”

his words only helped throw you off the edge. you squealed , moving you legs down from his shoulders in an attempt to get away from his assaults as you came down.

rafe didn’t stop though. no , he just grabbed your thighs and yanked you back toward him , continuing to fuck himself into you throughout your high. it was when your moans turned from pleasure to the smallest amount of pain from the overstimulation that he pulled out.

breathing heavy , your eyelids dropped as you tried to come back to reality. that idea was short lived as rafe flipped you onto your stomach.

“i’m not done yet , baby,” he warned you , adjusting the way your body was splayed on the bed. once he had you the way he wanted , he straddled your thighs. he jerked himself off a couple of times and sheathed himself back inside you.

your body welcomed him with ease , letting him slide into you with no push back at all. “fuck,” you groaned , burying your face in and holding onto your pillows.

rafe took that as a sign you were ready and began fucking into you again. he didn’t hold back this time , using your body the way he wanted. but there was a certain moan you heard come from his lips along with a stutter of his hips that reminded you he wasn’t wearing a condom.

your hand flew back to his hips , pushing him out of you before you rolled yourself onto your back. “come on my face,” you blurted , panting with him. he ran a hand down with a groan his face before shifting up your body. his thighs pushing your tits up as he jerked himself off in front of you.

your hand replaced his , still wanting to be the reason he finished. you stuck your tongue out and closed your eyes when the first few drops hit your skin , squeezing a little more until he was coming completely undone.

“fuck , kitty. yes , yes , yes,” he whimpered , gripping the back of your head and bringing your mouth to his dick again, “take it just like that. yeah,” he grunted , cock twitching in your mouth as you drained him.

when rafe felt like he could move again , he shifted to the side , clambering off of you. “fuck!” he panted with a laugh , placing his hands on the side of your cum covered face and kissing you. you moaned into it , tasting both him and you on your tongues.

he pulled away and slid off the bed , leaving you to go into your bathroom. you were left on the bed , eyes closed and chest rising and falling. the silence was deafening , only being able to hear your breathing and a high pitched ringing.

“rafe , will you grab—“

“i gotcha,” rafe assured you , coming back into the bedroom with a wash cloth and your makeup removed, “c’mere.”

you pushed yourself up , and rafe sat next to you. he gently wiped at the white stains on your face , making sure to get all of it off. “prettiest girl in kildare. i’ll say it for the rest of my life,” he cooed , boyish grin on his face as he finished getting the last of cum. you peeked one eye open with a smile to look at him , checking if he was done.

rafe wasn’t looking at you when you checked , too busy pulling out a makeup wipe , so you shut your eyes again , waiting patiently as the blush started to creep up on your cheeks. “oh , kitty. no blushin’ after all of that!” he teased you , starting to remove the makeup on your face.

“m’not,” you huffed , smile breaking back out on your swollen lips.

“you’ve always been a shit liar,” rafe muttered , shaking his head as he got the last of your makeup, “there. now you’re even prettier.” his compliment was sealed with a kiss while you rolled your eyes.

“will you pass me the water?” you croaked , realizing how dry your throat was after you tried to swallow.

he nodded , grabbing both bottles. he unscrewed one , handing it to you before opening his own and chugging more than half of it. you let out a short laugh at the sight , sipping on your own.

“still know where you’re clothes are at?” you asked him , assuming he was staying the night and not wearing the dress pants and shirt while he did so.

“don’t need ‘em,” he shrugged , climbing under the covers before dragging you back with him.

a/n lol i stay lying to y’all bout when n what im finna post:) but comment to be added to this taglist! <3

[great-and-small]

patch notes for EarthAnimals.v.12.09

Fixed male cat urethras to be less narrow (now 3.5x wider). Same correction made in male goats

Made alterations to equine cardiac sphincter- horses can now vomit

Scrapped french bulldogs and performed full overhaul of skeleton and soft tissue

Fixed panda GI tract and enabled diet options other than bamboo

Koala populations no longer dripping with chlamydia

Added 5,000 vaquitas to the Gulf of Mexico

Fixed cheetah coefficient of inbreeding. Note: organs can no longer be transplanted freely among population!

All dogs are now born with stomach tacked in place on body wall, preventing lethal twisting (gdv)

Fixed incorrect placement of legs in loons (they are now able to walk)

[batmanisagatewaydrug]

would you like to tell us about your research on virginity?

but also...wdym STIs aren't as scary as we think??? I was told most of them are incurable? I know you can make aids untrasmittable and that they've even succeded in curing it a couple times but that's about it. I would love to be educated about this

yeah, the basic idea with the virginity project was that the whole concept of virginity is pretty bullshit in the context in which it was initially significant, namely cisgender women being penetrated by cisgender men, so as soon as you take it outside of that context by introducing gay and trans sexuality it totally falls apart. I mean, hell, it stops working if you even look at two cishet people doing literally anything OTHER than penis-in-vagina sex. I tripped up so many people initially when I started asking questions like "okay, so you don't think a woman loses her virginity from a man going down on her. so what if it's two women? what's the difference?" and just really getting people to face down their very penis-centered view of the sex, to the result of several people telling me that it kind of made them reevaluate what they actually think of as the first time they had sex. it's also fascinating to either read other people's accounts or discuss firsthand how queer people have either tried to make themselves fit into the binary of virginity - queer man disagreeing over whether or not you have to have penetrative anal sex to lose your virginity or oral sex is sufficient, a fascinating case of a lesbian who felt that have sex with other cis women didn't "count" and asked a cis male friend to have sex with her just so she could feel satisfied that she'd lost her virginity - or abandon it entirely. Hanne Blank's book Virgin was a formative starting point, and it really exploded for me from there.

as for the STIs - hey, bad news! you fell victim to the scare tactics used to make people afraid of sex! almost all sexually transmitted infections are very easy to treat and cure with the right medicine, which is why it's important to get tested regularly and check in with your healthcare provider at the first sign of something amiss. pubic lice, scabies, trichomoniasis, gonorrhea, chlamydia, syphilis - all of those are pretty easy to get rid of with some help from your doctor and a run to the pharmacy!

the major exceptions are the 4 H's: herpes, HIV, HPV, and hepatitis B.

herpes is with you forever but is an incredibly mild companion to share your body with, considering most people never experience any notable symptoms and those who do can curb the severity with medicine.

it's also worth noting that herpes is so common as to be virtually ubiquitous; the World Health Organization consistently estimates that somewhere around 80% of the world's adult population is carrying herpes simplex virus 1 or herpes simplex virus 2. a great deal of those people don't even get it from having sex, but rather by catching HSV-1 from a parent or other people they come is close contact with as a child.

you're actually thinking of HIV (human immunodeficiency virus) when you mention AIDS becoming untransmittable, but that's still a very good thing! the care available for people with HIV has come incredibly far since AIDS first became known and claimed so many lives, and today it's more than possible for people infected with HIV to live long, healthy lives by taking the proper medication to manage their viral load.

with management, people with HIV will not develop AIDS (which happens when the immune system is sufficiently depleted by HIV) and by consistently taking their medication people with HIV can become undetectable (the viral load in their body is too small to be detected or measured in tests), at which point they are unable to transmit the virus to other people.

HPV (human paillomavirus) comes in many different strains, most of which are absolutely harmless and go away on their own after a couple of months or years of freeloading in your body. I cannot emphasize this enough: HPV is so common that virtually everyone who has sex has, will have, or has had it in their lives, and the vast, VAST majority of those people will never be troubled by it literally at all.

the trouble comes from a few strains of HPV that can cause genital warts, and a few others that can cause cancers in the throat, anus, cervix, vulva, vagina, and penis. while HPV can't be treated, you can reduce your risk of developing cancer by getting the HPV vaccine if you haven't already and, if you have a cervix, getting regular Pap smears to catch early warning signs of cancerous developments.

hepatitis B is a viral infection that targets the liver. in rare cases it can cause chronic health problems that can be very dangerous, but I have to emphasize that's not common. in most adults who get hep B, there will be no symptoms and it will resolve itself in a matter of weeks. the infection is riskiest in children, but at least in America most people have received vaccines against hepatitis B as babies since the 90s.

in conclusion: get your shots, take your medicine, use protection, get tested, and talk to your doctor, but know that if there's one thing humans are good at it's figuring out how to manage STIs. we've been doing it for a long time - most sexually transmitted infections and parasites have been with us since before we we became modern humans - so we're really good at it!

[holly-natnicole]

Ártemis: "Don't have sex, because you will get pregnant and die! Don't have sex in the missionary position, don't have sex standing up; just don't do it, okay. Promise?"

Callisto: *being a lesbian* "Not even with you?"

Ártemis: *being aro ace* "NO!!"

_________________________________________

Diana: *pinches Her nose* "What part of eternal maidenhood do people not understand?"

_________________________________________

Ártemis: "Never, in my two millennia as the leader of this Hunt, have I seen such shameful behaviour."

_________________________________________

Foívi: *pausing a car with a dryad who is a Hunter of Artemis and a likewise naiad sitting at the backseat of the roofless car* "Get in, loser; we're going hunting."

_________________________________________

Foívi (who has been teasing her fellow Hunter of Artemis each day for the past week): "Nice net, Bri!! What's it made out of?"

Britomartis: *angrily sarcastic* "Your mum's chest hair!!"

_________________________________________

Britomartis: "One time Atalanta punched Orion in the face. It was awesome!!"

_________________________________________

Zoë Nightshade to Bianca di Angelo: *pulling on her silver parka jacket* "On each day, we wear silver."

_________________________________________

Naomi: "That is so fetch!!"

Foívi: "Naomi, stop trying to make fetch happen. It's not going to happen!!"

_________________________________________

Zoë Nightshade to Hippolytus: "If you're a Hunter of Artemis, why are you male?"

Britomartis: "Oh my Gods; Zoë, you can't just ask people why they're male!"

_________________________________________

Zoë Nightshade: "Raise your hand if you have ever been personally victimised by boys or men."

Half of the Hunters of Artemis (even the extremely few dyadic cis male ones): *raise their left or right hand*

_________________________________________

Josephine: *kisses Hemithea on the lips*

Josephine: "Really, I don't know why I did this. I guess it's probably because I've got a big lesbian crush on you!"

_________________________________________

Naomi shortly after Hemithea (alongside Josephine) quit being a member of the Hunters of Artemis: "Why do you use super-jumbo tampons?"

Hemithea: "I can't help it!! I've got a heavy flow and a wide-set vulva!!"

_________________________________________

Thalia Chase: "Naomi, I'm sorry I laughed at you that time you got diarrhea at Evington Park."

Naomi: *crosses her arms and glares*

Thalia Chase: "And I'm sorry for telling everyone about it."

All of the other Hunters of Artemis: *staring in silence*

Thalia Chase: "And I'm sorry for repeating it now."

Zoë Nightshade: *pinches her nose*

Bianca di Angelo: *facepalms*

_________________________________________

Zoë Nightshade's & Reyna de la Fuerza's approach towards being Bianca di Angelo's big sister: "I just want you to know, if you ever need anything, don't be shy."

Thalia Chase's approach to it: "There are no rules in the Hunt. Lets burn this Barbie!!"

_________________________________________

Diana (returning from New Rome with a package): "Hey, gals! Happy hour is from four to six!"

Reyna de la Fuerza: "Um, is there alcohol in this?"

Diana: "Oh, Gods, Reyna, no! What kind of leader do you think I am? Why, do you want a little bit? Because if you're going to drink I'd rather you do it at the campsite."

_________________________________________

Ártemis: *being aro ace* "At your age, you're going to have a lot of urges. You're going to want to take off your clothes, and touch each other. But if you do touch each other, you will get chlamydia... and die."

Reyna de la Fuerza: *also aro ace, pinches her nose in exasperation*

The rest of the Hunters of Artemis: *staring in wide-eyed horror, except for Thalia Chase who claps her hands & smirks evilly*

_________________________________________

Reyna de la Fuerza: "Calling somebody else fat won't make you any skinnier. Calling someone stupid doesn't make you any smarter. And ruining Octavian's life definitely didn't make me any happier. All you can do in life is try to solve the problem in front of you."

[eggtrolls]

Eight years ago I attended a talk by Dr. Jane Schwebke from the University of Alabama about bacterial vaginosis (BV) and she was such a good speaker and clearly such a good physician-scientist that it blew me away. She talked about her belief that BV is a sexually transmitted infection and about the misogyny and racism that fuelled the early understanding of BV’s origins about Gardnerella vaginalis (discovered by Hermann L. Gardner whose research methods were profoundly unethical) and the work that she was doing on male partner therapy and the vaginal microbiome and the frustration that no one cared that much about BV because it’s “just women’s health” and how hard the funding was but that she had been doing this for decades and now saw it in partnership with the HIV epidemic, especially among pregnant Black women in Alabama who would be triple-infected (HIV, BV, another STI like chlamydia) and have terrible birth outcomes but no one was paying attention.

Dr. Schwebke retired a few years ago but this morning I got to read this and I hope she is tremendously satisfied

[unatkozorobotok]

“Koalas are fucking horrible animals. They have one of the smallest brain to body ratios of any mammal, additionally - their brains are smooth. A brain is folded to increase the surface area for neurons. If you present a koala with leaves plucked from a branch, laid on a flat surface, the koala will not recognise it as food. They are too thick to adapt their feeding behaviour to cope with change. In a room full of potential food, they can literally starve to death. This is not the token of an animal that is winning at life. Speaking of stupidity and food, one of the likely reasons for their primitive brains is the fact that additionally to being poisonous, eucalyptus leaves (the only thing they eat) have almost no nutritional value. They can't afford the extra energy to think, they sleep more than 80% of their fucking lives. When they are awake all they do is eat, shit and occasionally scream like fucking satan. Because eucalyptus leaves hold such little nutritional value, koalas have to ferment the leaves in their guts for days on end. Unlike their brains, they have the largest hind gut to body ratio of any mammal. Many herbivorous mammals have adaptations to cope with harsh plant life taking its toll on their teeth, rodents for instance have teeth that never stop growing, some animals only have teeth on their lower jaw, grinding plant matter on bony plates in the tops of their mouths, others have enlarged molars that distribute the wear and break down plant matter more efficiently... Koalas are no exception, when their teeth erode down to nothing, they resolve the situation by starving to death, because they're fucking terrible animals. Being mammals, koalas raise their joeys on milk (admittedly, one of the lowest milk yields to body ratio... There's a trend here). When the young joey needs to transition from rich, nourishing substances like milk, to eucalyptus (a plant that seems to be making it abundantly clear that it doesn't want to be eaten), it finds it does not have the necessary gut flora to digest the leaves. To remedy this, the young joey begins nuzzling its mother's anus until she leaks a little diarrhoea (actually fecal pap, slightly less digested), which he then proceeds to slurp on. This partially digested plant matter gives him just what he needs to start developing his digestive system. Of course, he may not even have needed to bother nuzzling his mother. She may have been suffering from incontinence. Why? Because koalas are riddled with chlamydia. In some areas the infection rate is 80% or higher. This statistic isn't helped by the fact that one of the few other activities koalas will spend their precious energy on is rape. Despite being seasonal breeders, males seem to either not know or care, and will simply overpower a female regardless of whether she is ovulating. If she fights back, he may drag them both out of the tree, which brings us full circle back to the brain: Koalas have a higher than average quantity of cerebrospinal fluid in their brains. This is to protect their brains from injury... should they fall from a tree. An animal so thick it has its own little built in special ed helmet.”

[apesoformythoughts]

"Consequences of this type of sex are not limited to HIV. The risk for anal cancer is twenty times higher for men who have sex with men who are HIV-negative and up to forty times higher for MSM who are HIV-positive. And going against the design of the body can lead to more than just disease, such as diminution or destruction of function. Male or female, gay or straight-identified, there is a heightened risk of fecal incontinence from engaging in this behavior. Of course these risks failed to make the pages of Teen Vogue, which advised the young that “anal sex can be perfectly safe if you take the correct precautions.” Less dangerous? Perhaps. “Perfectly safe?” Dangerous deception.

To say that such risks are biological rather than behavioral is a reckless lie. Sexually transmitted diseases (STDs) are at epidemic levels, and men who have sex with men have the highest case numbers of all. The CDC reported 2019 as the sixth year in a row for all-time high STD rates, and in 2020 they continued to rise. Men using pre-exposure prophylaxis for HIV have exhibited higher rates of other STDs; PrEP guards against one type of infection, but not others—the unhealthy behaviors continue as do the consequences.

Recent data show that 17 to 32 percent of men diagnosed with monkeypox are diagnosed with another STD at the same time; 41 percent are already living with HIV. And now antibiotic resistant STDs are emerging—once again, “something else” is coming along. Socially, would we change our behaviors if gonorrhea, chlamydia, or syphilis become untreatable again? Would anything make our culture advocate restraint? The cheap sex market’s demand for silver bullets is already exceeding supply."

— Jean C. Lloyd: "Monkeypox, Sexual Health, and the Limits of Medical Technology"

[fleshforember]

Things I've Heard In My High School:

"I need to get pregnant."

"Im gonna cough out my tampon."

"Can I drink out of that sink? Is it safe?" / "Why would you ask that when I've literally watched you eat things off the floor?"

"Have your parents ever told you that you might have a chemical imbalance in your brain??"

"Speaking of male strippers, my Grandma..."

"It's "der Rasen mähen", not "machen". Machen means do, and you can't do a lawn." / "You can if you're Barry Keoghan."

"*heavily accented* I think it was Plato that was poisoned to death by Chlamydia."

"Im gonna take that duck and shove it in your ear."

[dr-smitagoelhomeopathyclinic]

*Dr. Smita Goel Homeopathy Clinic*

www.thehomeopathyclinic.co.in

Infertility case is increasing in all over world. The main causes of this is change our life style, foods, hight stress level etc. Around 10% - 15% is facing to infertility problems.

Causes in Men:

• Low sperm count: The man ejaculates a low number of sperm. A sperm count of under 15 million is considered low. Around one third of couples have difficulty conceiving due to a low sperm count.

• Low sperm mobility (motility): The sperm cannot “swim” as well as they should to reach the egg.

• Abnormal sperm: The sperm may have an unusual shape, making it harder to move and fertilize an egg.

• Genetic factors: A man should have an X and Y chromosome. If he has two X chromosomes and one Y chromosome, as in Klinefelter’s syndrome, the testicles will develop abnormally and there will be low testosterone and a low sperm count or no sperm.

• Mumps: If this occurs after puberty, inflammation of the testicles may affect sperm production.

• Hypospadias: The urethral opening is under the penis, instead of its tip. This abnormality is usually surgically corrected in infancy. If the correction is not done, it may be harder for the sperm to get to the female’s cervix. Hypospadias affects about 1 in every 500 newborn boys.

• Cystic fibrosis: This is a chronic disease that results in the creation of a sticky mucus. This mucus mainly affects the lungs, but males may also have a missing or obstructed vas deferens. The vas deferens carries sperm from the epididymis to the ejaculatory duct and the urethra.

• Radiation therapy: This can impair sperm production. The severity usually depends on how near to the testicles the radiation was aimed.

• Some diseases: Conditions that are sometimes linked to lower fertility in males are anemia, Cushing’s syndrome, diabetes, and thyroid disease.

Causes in Women:

• Age: The ability to conceive starts to fall around the age of 32 years.

• Smoking: Smoking significantly increases the risk of infertility in both men and women, and it may undermine the effects of fertility treatment. Smoking during pregnancy increases the chance of pregnancy loss. Passive smoking has also been linked to lower fertility.

• Alcohol: Any amount of alcohol consumption can affect the chances of conceiving.

• Being obese or overweight: This can increase the risk of infertility in women as well as men.

• Eating disorders: If an eating disorder leads to serious weight loss, fertility problems may arise.

• Diet: A lack of folic acid, iron, zinc, and vitamin B-12 can affect fertility. Women who are at risk, including those on a vegan diet, should ask the doctor about supplements.

• Exercise: Both too much and too little exercise can lead to fertility problems.

• Sexually transmitted infections (STIs): Chlamydia can damage the fallopian tubes in a woman and cause inflammation in a man’s scrotum. Some other STIs may also cause infertility.

• Exposure to some chemicals: Some pesticides, herbicides, metals, such as lead, and solvents have been linked to fertility problems in both men and women. A mouse study has suggested that ingredients in some household detergents may reduce fertility.

• Mental stress: This may affect female ovulation and male sperm production and can lead to reduced sexual activity.

• Surgery: Pelvic surgery can sometimes cause scarring or damage to the fallopian tubes. Cervical surgery can sometimes cause scarring or shortening of the cervix. The cervix is the neck of the uterus.

• Submucosal fibroids: Benign or non-cancerous tumors occur in the muscular wall of the uterus. They can interfere with implantation or block the fallopian tube, preventing sperm from fertilizing the egg. Large submucosal uterine fibroids may make the uterus’ cavity bigger, increasing the distance the sperm has to travel.

• Endometriosis: Cells that normally occur within the lining of the uterus start growing elsewhere in the body.

• Previous sterilization treatment: In women who have chosen to have their fallopian tubes blocked, the process can be reversed, but the chances of becoming fertile again are not high.

Homeopathy has very effective medicines for these problems. And they give good results.

[klemclinic]

Men health clinic in malaysia - Klem Clinics

Our goal at Klem Clinics is to provide men's health care in Malaysia that is caring and all-encompassing. We are here to help you on your path to better health, whether you're looking for specialised treatments, sexual health services, or regular checkups. Being one of Malaysia's top healthcare providers, we provide men of all ages with private, individualised care.

Why Choose Klem Clinics?

Professional Care: Our skilled group of physicians and experts is prepared to handle the particular medical requirements of males.

Confidential & Discreet Services: We value your privacy and make sure that all of our services, including STD testing and treatment, are provided in a secure, private setting.

Comprehensive Health Solutions: We are your go-to medical facility in Malaysia for anything pertaining to male health, from standard examinations to more specialised therapies.

Our Services

1.Men’s Health Check-Up & Preventative Care

Frequent medical examinations are essential for preserving good health, preventing illnesses, and identifying health problems early. We give comprehensive men's health examinations as a reputable healthcare provider in Malaysia, which include:

·1.Full physical examination

·2.Blood pressure monitoring

·3.Cholesterol and blood sugar screening

·4.Hormonal level testing

·5.Prostate and sexual health screening

2. Malaysian Sexual Health & STD Testing Clinic

We at Klem Clinics are aware of how delicate sexual health issues may be. In addition to giving a confidential, accepting environment for discussing your issues, our clinic offers STD testing and treatment for a range of sexually transmitted diseases. We guarantee prompt and precise findings whether you're exhibiting symptoms or require routine screening.

·1.HIV & Syphilis Testing

·2.Chlamydia & Gonorrhea Testing

·3.Hepatitis B & C Screening

·4.Herpes Testing

·5.Sexual Dysfunction Evaluation

3. Men’s Sexual Dysfunction Treatment

We provide individualised treatment strategies to help you restore your confidence if you're having problems with erectile dysfunction or sexual performance.. Our specialists provide both medical and non-medical treatments for conditions such as:

·1.Erectile Dysfunction (ED)

·2.Premature Ejaculation

·3.Low Libido

·4.Peyronie’s Disease (curved penis)

4. Hormonal Imbalance & Testosterone Therapy

Testosterone plays a vital role in men’s health. Low levels might lead to fatigue, sadness, and decreased libido. Hormone replacement treatment (HRT) and thorough diagnoses for hormonal disorders are provided by our Male Health Clinic in Malaysia.

·1.Testosterone Replacement Therapy (TRT)

·2.Thyroid Function Tests

·3.Estrogen Balance

5. Hair Restoration & Scalp Care

Many guys worry about baldness and thinning hair.

. We offer cutting-edge hair restoration and scalp care procedures, such as:

·1.PRP Therapy (Platelet-Rich Plasma)

·2.Hair Transplants

·3.Scalp Micropigmentation (SMP)

6. Weight Loss & Fitness Programs

Keeping a healthy weight is essential for general health.. Our clinic provides individualised exercise and weight loss plans made to meet your needs, assisting you in reaching your fitness objectives while

 improving your long-term health.

·1.Weight Loss Consultation

·2.Diet and Exercise Plans

·3.Medical Weight Loss Treatments

Why Men's Health Matters

Because of their hectic schedules, social pressures, and reluctance to ask for assistance, men frequently disregard their health.. Proactive care and candid conversations regarding health issues are encouraged at Klem Clinics. Being a reputable Men's Health Clinic in Malaysia, we place a strong emphasis on the value of routine physicals, mental health treatment, and managing your physical and sexual health.

Discreet, Compassionate Care You Can Trust

We may aid with sexual health issues, provide an STD testing clinic in Malaysia, or provide a regular check-up. Men can receive the necessary medical care in a private, secure environment at our health centre in Malaysia.We are dedicated to providing our patients with respect, decency, and compassion.

Contact Us

Phone Number: +603-2202 2149

Website:https://klemclinics.com/

[just-here-for-the-moment]

Here's a little hug buddy to bring with you all day. He's happy to provide hugs and nose boops whenever they are needed.

He’s so cute!!!! Thank you! 🥰 And koalas are so interesting! I put some PG-13 koala facts under the cut…

They have two thumbs and are in desperate need of conservation efforts because they have chlamydia (believed to have been contracted from the contaminated feces of livestock such as sheep... As for how the sheep got chlamydia?? I don't want to know.)

Females have two vaginas, and the male koala’s penis has a forked head! The male koala penis is described by the Australian Wildlife Journeys website as "pink, very large, and prominently veined," making it disturbingly similar to many fics I've read.

You can visit the Australian non-profit Save the Koala and “adopt” one of these little sex freaks (you're just signing up to sponsor it for one year, please don’t actually try to adopt one), and you can also buy a copy of The Koala Manifesto (written by a conservationist, not by an actual koala... although with two thumbs I'm sure they would be capable of holding a pen and/or typing faster than I do).

Thank you for subscribing to disgusting koala facts!! 🐨

[cherienymphe]

sometimes i think i figured out your taste in white men, but then you hit me with a chris briney and timothé chlamydia and i am at loss, because tom hardy and previous characters have such different features/aesthetics

and i love chris briney! he seems to be a lovely human

i’m sorry, but have you done a similar list for black male or female celebrities? i’d love to look at it too!

Lmaooo it's called duality! As for black men:

1. Alfred Enoch

2. Quincy Combs

3. Diggy Simmons

4. Kofi Siriboe

5. Keith Powers

6. Jonathan Daviss

7. Jordan Calloway

8. Skepta

9. Lloyd

10. John Gaines

11. Jude Bellingham

12. Marcus Rashford

13. Odell Beckham Jr.

14. Colin Kaepernick

15. Michael Evans Behling

16. Brandon P. Bell

17. Wilson Mbomio

18. Christian Keyes

19. Ricky Whittle

20. Chase Claypool

21. Sauce Gardner

22. Cedarian Lamb

23. Garrett Wilson

24. Errol Cummings Jr

25. Asap Rocky (unfortunately)

26. NBA Youngboy

27. O'Ryan

28. Shannon Sharpe

[giraffecatfish]

Someone call cps, my dad is giving everyone psychic damage in the family groupchat, he just linked this

Normal text under the cut

I have to share this again: “Koalas are fucking horrible animals. They have one of the smallest brain to body ratios of any mammal, additionally - their brains are smooth. A brain is folded to increase the surface area for neurons. If you present a koala with leaves plucked from a branch, laid on a flat surface, the koala will not recognise it as food. They are too thick to adapt their feeding behaviour to cope with change. In a room full of potential food, they can literally starve to death. This is not the token of an animal that is winning at life. Speaking of stupidity and food, one of the likely reasons for their primitive brains is the fact that additionally to being poisonous, eucalyptus leaves (the only thing they eat) have almost no nutritional value. They can't afford the extra energy to think, they sleep more than 80% of their fucking lives. When they are awake all they do is eat, shit and occasionally scream like fucking satan. Because eucalyptus leaves hold such little nutritional value, koalas have to ferment the leaves in their guts for days on end. Unlike their brains, they have the largest hind gut to body ratio of any mammal. Many herbivorous mammals have adaptations to cope with harsh plant life taking its toll on their teeth, rodents for instance have teeth that never stop growing, some animals only have teeth on their lower jaw, grinding plant matter on bony plates in the tops of their mouths, others have enlarged molars that distribute the wear and break down plant matter more efficiently... Koalas are no exception, when their teeth erode down to nothing, they resolve the situation by starving to death, because they're fucking terrible animals. Being mammals, koalas raise their joeys on milk (admittedly, one of the lowest milk yields to body ratio... There's a trend here). When the young joey needs to transition from rich, nourishing substances like milk, to eucalyptus (a plant that seems to be making it abundantly clear that it doesn't want to be eaten), it finds it does not have the necessary gut flora to digest the leaves. To remedy this, the young joey begins nuzzling its mother's anus until she leaks a little diarrhoea (actually fecal pap, slightly less digested), which he then proceeds to slurp on. This partially digested plant matter gives him just what he needs to start developing his digestive system. Of course, he may not even have needed to bother nuzzling his mother. She may have been suffering from incontinence. Why? Because koalas are riddled with chlamydia. In some areas the infection rate is 80% or higher. This statistic isn't helped by the fact that one of the few other activities koalas will spend their precious energy on is rape. Despite being seasonal breeders, males seem to either not know or care, and will simply overpower a female regardless of whether she is ovulating. If she fights back, he may drag them both out of the tree, which brings us full circle back to the brain: Koalas have a higher than average quantity of cerebrospinal fluid in their brains. This is to protect their brains from injury... should they fall from a tree. An animal so thick it has its own little built in special ed helmet. I fucking hate them.”

[calciumdeficientt]

Headcanons for my oc before I.

(Up for interpretation 😒)

I’m so glad i got my claws into you about her i actually adore her.

REBECCA BRIDGERS HCS

Rebecca is… something. Shes much like Lola in her lifestyle, boy crazy and more than eager for any sort of fun she can get. She gets a kick out of having these affairs publicly, its just so much fun to appear on a different boy’s arm near enough to every day, wether its to piss of her dad- a hopeful in the race to gain bullworth’s senate seat- or wether she just likes to watch boys tripping over themselves to be the ONLY boy she appears out with. A key factor in this boy-induced mania is likely her time spent in an all girls private school, she’s been away from boys for so long that she’s really just making up for lost time. What’s a girl to do when faced with more boys than she’s got shoes? Trust me, she’s a prep. She has way too many shoes.

Becca is very up her own ass, she thinks she’s the pinnacle of god’s creation because her daddy paid to fix the school roofs and do up the plumbing. This show of her father’s power and influence makes her (at least in her eyes) immune to the rules. She can smoke openly on school grounds, cut class and generally treat everyone else like dirt because just as quickly as her daddy paid to improve the infrastructure at Bullworth, he can take it all away. Rebecca Bridgers is the queen bee, solid Teflon. This attitude also extends to the aforementioned boys, she gets her pick of the litter, and they all trail after her like zombies because she’s a channel for daddy’s pocket change. She feeds on the attention, it makes her stronger. Like some sort of male-validation vampire

Absolutely, truly and wholly in love with herself. Shes as conceited and swallow as they come. Her makeup takes literal hours, its a painstaking process, but if she looks anything less than perfect she will not let one single atom of her person leave her room. She either leaves perfect, or doesn’t leave at all. Shes strikingly beautiful, huge doll eyes, shiny hair that is always neatly styled, tailor made clothes that fit her absolutely perfectly. Every stitch is designer and every pore is nonexistent. Shes so perfect that its uncanny, she looks like a wax figure.

After she gets settled, and a few flings have passed, everyone (rightly) gets the picture that Becca is a whole lot of bad news. Shes needs to be steered clear from and avoided like the plague, or more accurately: avoided like herpes, chlamydia and HPV all diseases that apparently Becca has and is willing to spread. This vicous rumour is nothing more than that, a rumour, but it serves its purpose in making the bullworth newcomer less popular. A fact that gives her hives, she’s powerful and she deserves to be treated as such. I think of her as having a Nero complex, not sure if such a thing exists, but it does now. You either treat her like God, or you suffer. Because believe you and me, she can make people SUFFER. Enjoy those scholarships while they last.

While still instated as a high level prep, she meets Lenora. (Shameless plug for my own OC, with definitely no agenda whatsoever) well its less that she meets Lenora well its more like Lenora crashes into her mid-skateboard trick and gets a faceful of concrete for her troubles. Becca is rightly pissed that a dirty, ghetto piece of equipment was in her general vicinity and even more pissed that the rider ATOP the damned thing landed on top of her and ruined her hair. Shes seen Lenora before, usually bleeding or badly maimed, and seen her name in the school paper. However… She’s middle of the page news, Becca is the front cover

Eventually, she has to face the consequences of her actions, gets a good hard telling off from daddy- and a compete freeze on her credit card- and gets the boot from the preps, I mean, even Nero had to die sometime, its the natural order. They banish her from wearing the signature aquaberry blue that ties the whole clique together, and its the biggest insult she’s ever experienced, its so FLATTERING! Shes stuck in the signature green of the non-cliques, still aquaberry, just custom green. They can pry the diamonds out of her cold dead hands. Its the pits, its barely existence. She literally cannot bear to leave the dorms, she’s a lot worse than she was now she’s a bottom feeder like the rest of the school. Neither high nor mighty any longer. Epically funny for everyone, but especially…The Greasers. They get a real kick out of seeing her so low and waste little time before they begin rubbing it in her face.

Lenora and Becca get closer and closer, she’s got no friends in the preps anymore, and she seems strong enough to carry shopping. They hit it off well because Lenora lets her talk and talk and talk and doesn’t ever butt in. And, Lenora can drive. While she doesn’t appreciate the music she plays WHILE she drives, Becca keeps Lenora around for the car, and the carrying, and those triceps… no. Focus. Focus focus focus. Lenora is a confidante and nothing more, no matter how pretty she is when she’s stoned and laughing at an anthill, or how good she looks when she sprints.once they reach a certain point, Lenora starts inviting her to things, and since she’s not got much else to do, she goes. Usually, its track meets. Hours upon hours of track meets… but sometimes it’s parties. Dingy, scary warehouse parties full of horrible, smelly poor people getting drunk and fighting each other. After every party, the sober Becca plays nurse for a very intoxicated Lenora who once again tried to play all macho and start a fight and once again got the ever loving shit kicked out of her. Becca is too scared to drink and Lenora is too poor to be sober. They make the perfect couple pair . Lenora is able to foster some positive change in Rebecca, and Rebecca in Lenora.

Eventually the dust settles and bullowrth’s resident hero JImmy Hopkins fixes yet another trivial personal issue from yet another more than capable student. Rebecca’s name is cleared, her dad gets his senate seat and world peace was achieved at long last. Hooray Jimmy! Now with no other choice, Becca is back in with the preps and living the high-life. All the purchases backed up on Becca’s credit card come through, she’s at least moderately liked within the clique. Shes right on track to starting at square one. There’s just one thing she has to come to terms with first. Deep in the complet trenches, she has to realise that she’s actually… never been into guys all that much. She can’t claim to know what love is, she’s far too rich to have been in love young, but she knows that what she feels for Lenora is in STARK contrast which what she felt for Derby. It’s all encompassing, never ending. Its not just pining for attention. Its endgame. The journey will be long and hard, but she’ll do it. Let’s go lesbians.

[shesay]

I hate how women celebrities r absolutely gorgeous w top stylists and makeup artists yk Sydney Sweeney is so beautiful charismatic talented perfection in every way then u get male celebrities who r on the same level of fame as them like timothee chlamydia who's ugly unruly untalented has zero fashion sense gold digger a mercenary like what a joke