#making my problems that if the internet

[beajmurphy2004]

Self Soothing

I was forced to self soothe as a child

Because my mother couldn’t soothe me

There was no space for anyone next to her.

I had my first panic attack at five

I thought I was dying

But there was no one I could turn to.

As I aged the heart palpitations and the cage of my mind grew

In severity and in causes

But my reactions grew smaller

To the point where you wouldn’t even know it’s happening

Now I know

Any time I think about anything

I have a blind panic

I for the first time in fifteen years know why I panic

It’s my mother’s voice in my head

Ridiculing me for not being perfect

I panic in an effort to get it to stop

And I withdraw into myself

Because in me is the safest place I’ve found

And I’m saddened that a little girl ever had to learn that.

[gibbearish]

love when ppl defend the aggressive monetization of the internet with "what, do you just expect it to be free and them not make a profit???" like. yeah that would be really nice actually i would love that:)! thanks for asking

[medicalunprofessional]

never change, man !

[sunlit-mess]

A little less lonely

[deerspherestudios]

Hi! This isn’t really an ask, it’s mostly just me fangirling cause you booped me back and just OMG!

I’ve been a fan of Mushroom Oasis since its release of day 2 and just love how different and unique Mychael is compared to other Yandere visual novel games. His behavior, his personality, his insecurities, his dialogue, everything is just perfect! He feels properly thought-out and realistic and I just feel so lucky to have come across your game in the first place.

I appreciate what you do for the game, the art, the writing, and so so much more! (p.s LOVED DAY 3 SO MUCH KEEP UP THE AMAZING WORK)

HEHEH GET BOOPED!! 🐾🐾🐾 I didn't get to participate in the boopening of April 1st so being able to now was fun haha!

Also,, Day 2 was like a year ago omg,,, thank you for the praise and for sticking around this long waa <3 I'll do my best for Day 4!!

Bonus (big) dev ramble under the cut:

Thank you for the praise on Mychael!! It reminded me of something my husband told me when I was writing for the YanGameJam back in 2023; I kept saying "nobody's written the kind of yandere I want in these VNs" and Mushroom Oasis is really what I wanted to see from that genre.

So I guess it was really a personal want and a need to write him that way! Write what you know really does help I suppose haha. Seeing other people enjoy it too has been very fulfilling! <3 Thank you so much for the support!

[freaky-wasatch-range]

"mormonism is american exceptionalism" has gotta be my least favorite anti-mormon take out there like you could talk about literally anything and THAT'S what you're going with????????? like you can talk about our weird relationship with manifest destiny and colonisation (extremely valid talking points!!!!!!) but to act like some kind of specific allegiance to the united states as an institution is inherent to our doctrine is so..... silence......

[every-sanji]

[neonhellscape]

stupid emotionally repressed bastard and his half dead cyborg twink secretary

[tikiki05]

Struggling in the ATSV fandom rn, its not as hot as it once was so content is already low because of that, but also because when i do find cool people on here who do make cool content, they’re typically also pro-ghostflower/a ghostflower shipper ://

[lightbulb-warning]

so has anyone figured out WHY there is the Need To Share our Artworks™ or is it just the vibes and our Soul apparently

[local-lover-boy]

The distraction machine isn't distracting me enough, I still feel it

[arctixout]

Somebody said Nace in Kris' Stožice outfit, so,

[kidfur]

the thing i hate about dnis is that its caused people to have this attitude that people need to curate their online experience for them. i have to constantly be worried that ill get hate for violating dnis that are vague and i dont even understand. i wish we could go back to just blocking people who dont like, instead of expecting people to be able to magically figure out someones boundaries

yea for sure.. people r only responsible for themselves, i hate the idea that if we interact with someone who doesnt like us, its OUR fault? but like. interaction on tumblr, at least when it comes to liking and reblogging random posts, is such a Whatever social action. its like standing in the same line for a sandwich or something. its not the same as going "hi i am in your personal bubble now :3" its really not a big deal. so idk why people make it a big deal instead of just blocking people or *gasp* not obsessively checking the blogs of everyone who interacts with them!

[moeblob]

New OCs

(briefly, humans and supernatural beings have to team up for building better relations with each other and all the supernaturals can shapeshift and take on human appearances but also have their 'original form'.)

OK so I was GOING to draw fanart today - I had a fun idea and everything! But health anxiety (and anti-anxiety meds) wore me out so I kinda .... slogged through OCs as a treat to me. I am going to go to the doctor tomorrow so HOPEFULLY it's all okay.

[spyroz]

i dont reblog those posts about how hard it is to have moralizing ocd in online spaces, even though i deeply resonate with them. ironically, i can only talk to 2 people about my ocd, because one of my obsessions is that other people will assume im using my mental health as a shield against criticism if i talk about it. therefore, if i talk about my ocd in any circumstance, my brain believes that i'm already doing something immoral

basically, most of my obsessions resolve around people assuming bad faith of me or that i'm somehow secretly an irredeemably bad person, no matter how hard i try to be good. i am a bad person if i dont reblog posts about serious topics, spend every waking moment thinking about extremely serious topics, or make any social mistakes whatsoever (which is scary because i'm also autistic). i believe that i am irredeemable if i make a small mistake, and i often think all my friends are waiting for me to make a mistake so that they can attack me, and that my life will be ruined if i fuck up. im constantly scanning all my interests (and people i know) for the tiniest imperfections (far beyond healthy amounts of criticism in your interests) out of fear that liking anything or anyone makes me a horrible person. if you dont take a side on this lgbt label discourse, then youre a bigot! im ALWAYS mentally preparing responses and apologies to totally theoretical situations of people being upset with me. i have intrusive thoughts about doing the immoral things that scare me most.

the problem is, *talking about* any of these thoughts invites people who will actually bad faith me. "if youre so worried about this stuff, then you must have something to hide! you just want to avoid accountability!" they make your obsession a reality by accusing you of the exact thing you fear most. none of these thoughts are reasonable or realistic, and i know that. i know that i'm mentally ill. i know logically that i'm as good a person as anyone else. when i actually do make a mistake, i stay level-headed and apologize, acknowledge what i did wrong, and change my behavior

but there is a large part of me that does not want to heal from my ocd, because i believe constant self-monitoring and self-critique is the only thing preventing me from becoming a horrible person

there is nothing i want more in this world than to be a good altruistic human being who is capable of growth, but spending weeks trapped in thought loops analyzing all my behaviors for the smallest signs of a mistake will not help me be a better person. it makes me a worse friend. it drains my energy so that i dont have the mental capacity to actually spend time being kind to others. i reread this post many times while writing it to make sure i didnt accidentally write 6 different slurs. but i can't figure out how to heal. what the fuck do i do about this

this is incredibly hard for me to write about. i'm fighting the urge to delete this post as you read it. i cant stress how debilitating this is for me, it is the biggest hurdle in my life and it sucks away days worth of my time and energy. i will become trapped in thought-loops THE SECOND im not kept sufficiently busy and stimulated by tv/music/my bf/being out of the house somewhere/etc. so much of my life is wasted wanting to be good, that i dont get a chance to actually live the life of a good person

i really hope this post resonates with someone. ive only met a few other people who have this particular kind of ocd, and its extremely isolating. but i want to try to heal from it, and i know the first step to healing is talking about it

[iamhereinthebg]

This may be a strange question but have you ever been bullied in the tbhk fandom? I am having a hard time here

Heya no worries at all for the question! This is an important thing and if you needed to have a place to say it I am happy you did!

I really hope people will be nicer to you :// There is never a good reason for bullying unfortunately it happens a lot on internet QvQ my only advice would be to block those people and/or delete anonymous asks for a while if people are just putting stuff as anonymous :///

To answer your questions, idk if it counts as bullying but I was the target of some stuff like that yep, and tbh I don't really know why. People can have the opinions they want but I will be honest in the tbhk fandom you like a character or a ship that is not 'what everyone in the fandom should like' and people start menacing you for no reason.

A lot of people in this fandom are kids who sometimes don't get what insulting people do. (and not only kids but it is one of the reason, I feel like a lot don't have 'internet basis' like not saying everything about yourself on twitter help.)

Which is also one of the reason I am taking my distances with anyone in this fandom because I had too many unwanted stuff like when I was just trying to be nice and answer messages. It's not because we are in the same fandom that we are bffs.

This is sad to say but yes I don't think you can just have fun 'fun' in this fandom anymore, people will make sure you have a hard time for no reason and honestly I am tired of people who are unable to understand that we aren't just bots on the internet and that Surprise! people have feelings wow

I hope you will be better but don't hesitate to take some time off the fandom a bit ^^ I am being overly dramatic here because I had some bad experiences (I've been in the fandom since the start of 2020 so welp) but a lot of people are really nice and I am sure you can make some friends too ^^ (I did too! even if a lot aren't in the fandom anymore, it's nice seeing mutuals from far away doing their lives)