#making me want to play dishonoured again

[lonslibrary]

best characterization lines from the crows—matthias helvar

“This was something different. If the demon Brekker spoke the truth, Matthias would get to go home. The longing for it twisted in his chest—to hear his language spoken, to see his friends again, taste semla filled with sweet almond paste, feel the bite of the northern wind as it came roaring over the ice. To return home and be welcomed there without the burden of dishonour.” 

when you consider him as the teenager that he is, matthias has also been to hell and back and his homesickness always reminds me of it :(( the fact that he chooses nina over everything he knew and loved is the reason why i believe in love

“Even so, the words were bitter in Matthias’ mouth when he said, ‘I’ll do it.’ 

Brekker winked at Nina, and Matthias wanted to knock his teeth in.”

OK this is just my personal bonus bc i love this trio’s dynamic so much and i’ll never get over how they could have made kaz more like he is in the book in the netflix show bc i feel like kaz is not as outwardly dark and brooding as ppl think !!! he’s moody as shit but he’s seventeen and playful sometimes and he snorts and winks and is sarcastic and sometimes "played along with one of [jesper’s] jokes” and says things like “i’ll just hire matthias’ ghost to kick your ghost’s ass” LIKE PLS. but this is not abt kaz and we will now return to the regularly scheduled program...

“Matthias returned his mentor’s embrace. 

‘I don’t know if you’re wrong about the Grisha,” he said gently. ‘I just know you’re wrong about her.’ 

He held Brum tight, in a hold Matthias had learned in the echoing training rooms of the drüskelle stronghold, rooms he would never see again. He held Brum as he struggled briefly and as his body went slack. When Matthias pulled away, Brum had slipped into unconsciousness, but Matthias did not think he imagined the rage that lingered on his mentor’s features. He made himself memorise it. It was right that he should remember that look. He was a true traitor at last, and he should carry the burden of it” 

matthias’s honor comes from his loyalty and honesty and i love that he admits he still isn’t sure about the other grisha yet, just nina. a turning point for him for sure, and i’ll forever be in awe of his character development. 

“Matthias was running through the streets of a foreign city, into dangers he did not know, but for the first time since he’d looked into Nina’s eyes and seen his own humanity reflected back at him, the war inside him quieted. 

We’ll find a way to change their minds, she’d said. All of them. He would locate Nina. They would survive this night. They would free themselves of this damp, misbegotten city, and then...Well, then they’d change the world.”

this entire chapter !!!! matthias has never been my personal favorite but he is such. a. well. written. character and i will never get over him d-wording. he realizes that his duty to his god and nina can be one and the same and that it was Djel who caused the shipwreck and his fateful meeting with nina and finally, is able to accept himself as not a traitor, but instead a revolutionary !! when i think about him sleeping and eating with nina just days before he died, my heart breaks for the future he could have had. 

“Matthias wanted to scream as the wolf’s teeth sank into his forearm. He toppled to the ground, the wolf on top of him, the pain beyond anything he’d ever known. But he did not make a sound. He held the wolf’s gaze as its teeth sank more deeply into the muscle of his arm, a growl rumbling through the animal’s chest. 

Matthias suspected that the wolf’s jaws were strong enough to break bone, but he did not struggle, did not cry out, did not drop his gaze. I won’t hurt you, he swore, even if you hurt me.”

is matthias’s promise to trassel not his promise to his country? despite his realization about grisha, his loyalties lay with his home. the one that brainwashed him, forced him into a way of life, taught him everything he knew. the boy matthias faces at his death is also just another version of trassel: matthias holds up his hands, tells the boy he is unarmed, tells the young soldier he can take him to the law if he wishes. matthias’s only fault is his faith—faith that resides in his people until even the last moments of his life.

kaz’s version | wylan’s version | jesper’s version | nina’s version | matthias’s version | inej’s version

and that is it, people! the series that took more than a year to finish comes to an end with our favorite blonde soldier. i’m personally waiting to watch until friday, but happy shadow and bone season 2 day!! 

[what-yadoking-likes]

6 games to get to know me? Boot.

6 heists to get to know me? Toot!

Feel free to join in: here are the 6 heists to get to know me, Yadoking. In no particular order:

Shacklethorne Auction I enjoy this one, and I enjoy completing it in stealth specifically. I think the setting is really cool, and the piano music drifting up to the top floor as you hunt for the blow torch/security boxes? It really creates a spooky ambience. The idea of heisting from an auction itself is also extremely cool and the tuxes/outfits for this heist are nothing to sniff at, either.

Framing Frame. Is this because I like the heist? No, I fucking hate it. Is this because I am good at this heist? No, I am fucking shit at this heist. No joke, in my career playthrough it took me HOURS to complete this heist in stealth. In fairness, this was due to my lack of a dedicated stealth build rather than a lack of skill - but it deserves a dishonourable mention on this list all the same.

Stealing Xmas A crazy Vlad heist! I really like this one. The objectives are fun and varied and essentially force you into exploring the map. And Vlad wanting to steal the fucking Christmas tree? IT'S SO COOL. I love it when Payday leans into the camp side of things. Is it absolutely ridiculous to blow the ceiling off the roof of the mall to extract the tree? Yes, yes it is. Do I care? I do not. Also, Vlad makes a pen!$ joke, which as an eight-year-old boy I find really funny.

No Mercy A crossover with one of my other most-played game series on Steam? Sign me the fuck up. Yeah, the heist was retconned a bit in Payday 2, but honestly? The thought of a bunch of greedy clowns releasing a zombie virus into the world is really funny. The stealth portion is a cool touch, though obviously not sustainable throughout the heist's duration. The claustrophobic corridors can get real busy though... with the corpses of all the cops you kill.

Birth of Sky Okay, I know not everyone will agree with me on this. But I think this heist is pretty funny as a concept. Locke's commentary is great because he is still in his 'maybe I'll be a villain teehee' era, and he's such a great contrast to Bain. Yes the snipers and that finale in the sewers is absolutely brutal (on harder difficulties), but I've had so much fun on this map.

Hoxton Breakout Call me basic if you want but again - it's FUN. Breaking your mate out of prison and rushing through the city streets to get him to safety? Fun. Driving directly into the FBI offices? Fun. Raiding the FBI offices of evidence, servers and witness testimonies? FUN! I think day 2 of this one offers great replayability as the map is decently-sized and offers really different objectives. I know some people dislike day 2 because it feels like a lot of waiting for drills/hacks/scans - but I think holding down a section of the FBI HQ as you hunt desperately for the information that will help the gang out as a whole is so much fun. I would love to know everyone else's 6 heists to get to know them! This is just a bit of fun - we all enjoy this series for different reasons, and I am sure no two lists will be exactly the same.

[fernlessbastard]

Oh man, I'm excited! Writing is definitely a pain in the ass (I've taken many years of novels, creative writing, debate, etcetera). Your story is incredibly enthralling and so accurate in regards to characters, I'm surprised anyone would find anything (such as repetition of certain words) bothersome.

Nonetheless, I do understand wanting it to be perfect and I hope reading/proofing over it goes well for you two. ❤️

-🎲 anon

Thank you so muchh

And don't worry, it's not that my boyfriend finds it bothersome and such - it just knows that I'm an insane perfectionist about my writing, and if I later find some repetition or a wonky sentence I will proclaim that I've brought dishonour to writing as an art form and I'll never write again (I'm a little bit dramatic like that UwU--) (also I'd definitely end up writing again, it'd just take like a long time and I'd rather finish IUTMTM before the death of the universe/lh)

To be fair it is in a decent part that perfectionism that lets me write the way I do. Like, yes, writing badly is much better than not writing, and I do my best to live by that, but editing is a different issue - I've had at least 7 drafts of chapter 2 as of now (and I only change the draft when I decide there's a big part I want to rewrite from scratch)(I actually could post like the first draft here - that could be interesting, idk, I'll maybe consider it)

But yeah, I will slave over a draft until I've squeezed everything I humanly could out of it, in which case either I think it's actually genuinely good and I enjoy reading it (and I'm very critical of my work), or until I decide it's hopeless, and just simply rewrite it completely from scratch, either keeping only specific passages, the general idea, or sometimes nothing at all

Tbh I think it's got to do with the fact that it's not a medium that's "native" to me, so to speak. Losing Face was my first actual piece of writing, with my previous "attempts" (mostly stories for school) consisting of like, much less than a thousand word each. I started writing a dnf/xdnf smut after my bf dared me to, which got abandoned at 2k words (I low-key wanna post that at some point too as a little crack one-shot, but i'd have to decide if I want it to be an actual piece of writing, in which case I'd have to finish it, or if I just want it to be a "look, this is where I started" kind of thing). I was praised for my art, so I gravitated towards that, and the more I did, the more embarrassed and ashamed I felt of my unrealised "affair" with writing. I'd write elaborate descriptions of headcanons and scenarios, fishing for compliments to have an excuse to actually write something. I don't remember how I started truly writing, but it absolutely had to do with the support I always get from my partner. And oh god, how I adore writing. I've always loved telling a story, but what truly makes me obsessed with it is playing with language itself. I love painting mental pictures. I love elaborate metaphors. I love portraying ugliness in a raw way that paradoxically makes it strangely beautiful. I love the words that don't just express their message through literal meaning, but also through how they visually look, how they sound, what core and pre-/inter-/suffix they have, how many syllables they have (my favourite go-to example is in Will Wood's "Front Street" - "the gnashing teeth will masticate the bones from the flesh"); I love using those words to juxtapose feelings (such as describing something as both raw and ugly, and yet beautiful exactly because of that). I love portraying ugliness in a raw way that paradoxically makes it strangely beautiful. I love playing with rhythm and momentum and run-on sentences, I love playing with formatting, to make the text flow on the page, I love using subtle sarcasm and making fun of the characters and their flawed logic through a flat narrating tone, and I love sprinkling characters' unreliable, subjective thoughts with nothing to distinct them from the rest of the text aside italics (I think it's much more immersive, adds to a "pov" lets the narrative evolve with the way characters think, and allows for a better flow of the text that ""(...)" he thought"). I love having a narrator with that subtle sass where the "insults" are indirect. When I write, I have several tabs open with thesauruses and dictionaries, not because I don't know the words I use (I make sure to keep my language authentic and to not overuse complex words just because - they all have a purpose, and 99,99% of the words I look up I already know), but because if I look up synonyms/translations then I have all the possible words in front of me and I can compare exactly how they look and sound (I'm heavily visual, ironically enough). I love pulling from more common Polish metaphors/sayings to form a more elaborate, non-obvious sentence/metaphor in English, and I love using translating as a tool to look for synonyms/replacements that maybe aren't an obvious alternative. I love writing scenes that feel genuine and real, and including the "ugly", human parts. I love writing flawed characters, I love describing their inner worlds, I love writing their streams of consciousness - I love turning them into real people (to the best of my abilities).

I love writing for the process. And it's funny, cause I don't exactly have that with art always. I'll be honest - I don't always love sketching and doodling. I do love watercolours. I'm sure it's honestly visible in how I paint, but playing with colours, layering, shading, shapes, undertones, etc is just my favourite thing in the world. But doodling by itself? Heavily depends, and a good portion of the time I just want to see the doodle ready, or to skip to watercolours, if I'm painting (although recently I've been getting better at just enjoying the process). But writing? Sure, sometimes I just want it over with, but the only reason why I'm able to go through all the drafts and countless edits is because just like with watercolours, I simply love the process of perfecting it, even if it gets frustrating.

TLDR I absolutely adore writing as an art form, holy shit it's literally so cool and language is even cooler and just

Writing<333

OH also btw I have since checked my document, and I misremembered - chapter 2 is 8k words--

[angelswing236]

"This is getting ridiculous."

Fictober 24 challenge

Fandom: Downton Abbey

Fanfiction

‘Ha! I win again!’ Mary crowed as she slammed her unbeatable hand down on the table.

‘No, you can’t have,’ Tom protested, peering owlishly at her cards and then his own.

‘Oh, but I have! My cards trump yours. There’s no arguing with that. Come on. Get on with it,’ she said gleefully, picking up her gin and tonic and leaning back waiting for the show to begin.

He set his cards down, pouting. ‘But I’ve already taken off far more than you have.’

‘That’s because you keep losing,’ Mary replied, smugly. ‘That’s the nature of the game, my friend. The loser strips, the winner doesn’t.’

‘If I’d known you were such a card sharp, I’d never have agreed to play this game,’ Tom groused, making no move to take anything off.

‘Ah, so you agreed to play because you thought I’d be the one getting naked, did you? Well, what does that say about your intentions?’ she said, waggling her eyebrows. ‘Were they dishonourable, Mr Branson?’

‘I think I should be asking you about your intentions because I’m beginning to suspect they are definitely not honourable,’ he muttered before swallowing a large slug of whiskey. ‘How naked are you expecting me to get?’

‘Depends on how many more hands you lose. Now stop procrastinating and take your vest off. Unless you want to go straight for the trousers,’ she said, leaning her elbows on the card table and looking him up and down. ‘I don’t mind which option you choose.’

He sent her a look then grasped hold of the back of his vest and pulled it over his head, mussing up his hair as he did so. He balled up the vest and tossed it on top of the pile of clothes next to him.

‘There. Satisfied?’

Mary leaned back again, letting her eyes rove over his bare chest. ‘Hmm, not bad. In fact, your chest is quite nice to look at. You’re more muscular than I thought you’d be.’

He raised an eyebrow at her. ‘You’ve been wondering what my chest looks like, have you?’

‘Maybe. Now and again,’ Mary replied, meeting his gaze quite brazenly. ‘Are you telling me you’ve never wondered what mine looks like?’

Tom blushed and busied himself collecting up the cards and shuffling them in lieu of answering her question. Mary smirked, quite sure that she knew his answer anyway.

He dealt out the next hand and looked up at her. ‘I’m going to win this one, so you’d better start thinking about what garment you’re going to take off.’

Mary favoured him with a dazzling if slightly condescending smile. ‘Of course, you are, sweetie.’

‘I am!’

‘Well, if you do, I’ll let you choose what you want me to take off. How’s that?’

Tom flushed again, his eyes skipping up and down her body, and then he collected himself and directed his attention to his cards, a slight frown creasing his features.

Mary watched him, a small smile tugging at her lips as she catalogued all his tells, doubly certain now that she was going to have his trousers off shortly.

Two minutes later, Tom groaned and threw his hand on the table, the cards scattering across the baize. ‘For God’s sake! This is getting ridiculous. All you’ve taken off is a single glove!’

‘Can I help it if I’m gifted at cards?’ she cooed, smiling sweetly. ‘Come on, now. Off with them.’

Sighing, he stood and began to unfasten his trousers.

‘One more hand, Tom, and you’re naked. Totally naked,’ Mary said, her eyes gleaming. ‘And won’t that be interesting?’

[vickyvicarious]

THE EXCITEMENT and joy even just in how Mina says the date...!

The way she says "has been ill, that is why" with such utter relief. And then "I am not afraid to think it or say it, now that I know." - the way she's been so diligently refusing to put words to her fears and how happy she is that she doesn't have to anymore.

The letter by her heart is SO GOOD. The fact that she cried all over it and then tucked it against her heart, god. Mina is so evocative about love.

"Lucy will bring my trunk to London and keep it till I send for it, for it may be that ..." - I guess this means that she won't need it if she is getting married and moving in with him right away? Not really sure.

God, I love how she calls him "my husband." He already is in her heart and mind, and as soon as is physically possible she wants to make sure he is legally too. She is so eager to be reunited with him, and in as permanent a way as possible.

...and then an abrupt tonal shift.

"He is usually respectful to the attendant and at times servile; but to-night, the man tells me, he was quite haughty." honestly, Renfield plays a role so knowingly all the time. I may have to write a separate post about this at some point, maybe later on for spoiler reasons, but. It's very deliberate use of resources/appeal to those with power over him.

by the way, I love every single time Renfield speaks. LOVE his voice.

The little laugh in Seward's voice when joking about religious mania, man he sounds super condescending today.

"His attitude was the same towards me" Seward is soooo offended, I think it's part of why he gets so abruptly dismissive and scornful, all 'he'll probably think he's God himself next!'. It's because Renfield, in acting dismissive to him, is placing him on equal level with the attendant. Renfield acting like he's more important than both of them is obviously madness, but acting like Seward himself isn't the most important one in the asylum staff especially is discrediting his status. It also is denying the bond they have. Not that I think Renfield ever considers his relationship with Seward as any kind of special bond, but the doctor sure does. He talks about his pet madman, his friend Renfield, etc.... And by being so dismissive and uninterested here, by treating him just like the attendants, Renfield is essentially denying that outright. He gets a bit upset and lashes out with dismissive talk about Renfield being mad.

I really like the little echo on the asylum voices. Also, once again, the sound quality of the phonograph recordings.

Classic Seward being a dork reciting chemical compositions to his audio diary. "I have thought of Lucy, and I shall not dishonour her by mixing the two" - I wonder if this line is more about him not wanting her linked with his abnormalities (needing to take a sleep aid), or maybe hints at him knowing he's likely to have dreams about her if he goes to sleep while thinking of her. If so, whatever dreams he may have, he seems to think they wouldn't be appropriate/fair to her.

The way he says "errant swarm of bees" is so funny

"He is a selfish old beggar anyhow." coming right after Renfield petitioning Dracula's door. Man, the contrast between Renfield's emotion and wavering voice - and Seward's casual mockery about it - is very striking. Once again I think part of this is Seward being angry about being shut out/embarrassed/having to hunt him down. But it's pretty upsetting how his reaction to Renfield behaving in uncontrollable ways is to dismiss (what he assumes are) his motives, to dehumanize him ("more like a wild beast than a man") and physically restrain him.

[silvcrignis]

Claude Frollo Out of Context Sentence Starters || Part I/?

I have a divine mission to spread the Our Claude > Canon Frollo propaganda. What better way to do so than by making various quotes of his a sentence meme?

Clowning

 “What the FUCK is Bible Study & Chill?!”

 “Do you lot think the Booberry ghost is blue because he died by strangulation???

“I was absolutely high as shit last night. The Warwick Davis leprechaun himself could have started playing knick knack on my lung & I likely would not have noticed.”

 “HOW MANY OF YOU FUCKERS SAW ME EVERYDAY & KNEW I WAS GAY & DID NOT FUCKING SAY ANYTHING?!”

 “MA’M/SIR THAT IS FOUR MILLION DOLLAR MERCHANDISE DO NOT BREAK WHAT YOU CANNOT BUY!” 

 “...Why do you smell like Nesquik Strawberry Milk?” 

“The asshole you are trying to reach is not available. Please disconnect the call & do not try again.”

“Also the day you catch me living in a shack is the day to lock me up because that would mean I finally went clinical, pal."

“Quit talking about shoving things in my ass, you perverted old man/woman!” 

 “Well. You are BORING me right now. I cannot relate to your poor person problems.”

“If I could physically meet myself I would beat the shit out of him.” 

“…I am not sweet, __. Slander me again & I will take legal action.” 

“Her vagina could probably host a fucking bounce house for all of them.”

“Na fam. Delete it right now.”

“Nearly every single time you speak you bring this family great dishonour.”

 “There is only so much suffering I can endure.”

 “I FOUND A CAT!

 “You would end up being spilt worse than my firewood.

“You cannot do coke, that is illegal!

 “Down to fucking kill myself.”

 “If you are so insistent on sucking my cock this often you ought get some knee pads.”

“I like snow. It is a good way to hit your enemies with glass shards before they realise what is happening.”

 “Do you want bullshit or the truth?”

 “I am seconds away from a brain aneurysm, son.”

 “You would be a wonderful addition to someone’s mantle. In an urn!”

 “Shut the fuck up, old man!”

 “I do not use Faebook. Faebook is for losers & old people.”

 *sarcastically* “I went out to the woods. Pretended to be a forest nymph for a few hours.”

“That is… Not my problem.”

 “Did the vibrating make it better or worse, son?”

“New Jersey’s state fruit is blueberry, you fucking crackhead.”

“No no. Continue squabbling, bottoms.”

“Like what the fuck like I can say hoe if I want to! I am a hoe, I have the pass!” 

“I want no part in your cockles, __.”

“That is too many babies, Miss/Mister.”

“Ugh no.”

“Pull up then, Fuckboy.”

“Actually I was thinking about that one medieval meme about the leggings.” 

“You cannot cancel me. I am a bad bitch.” 

Being Fucking For Real

“… Unless… Oh fuck… I must be having another psychotic break.

“Would not be the first goddamn time I had a hallucination…”

“Those were the last words I ever said to my own son’s face… Then I never saw him again.”

“... Tell me you love me again? Please?”

“What the hell was I supposed to say to you that would not sound fucking weird & desperate?”

“You know, wills to read & a little brother to parent…”

“… It was always you but… You deserve someone normal.”

“I will be perfectly fine alone, the way I always am.”

*wryly* “Ah yes, because everyone keeps their promises, __.”

“I am going to beat his ass. The next time. I see him.”

“God, I know I do not deserve it but I love you so fucking much.”

[krsnaradhika]

Surya’s Child ❤︎

Yamuna had seen it all.

From the princess of Surya-loka, to the ascetic lass who wandered in and around the verdant forests that besieged her banks where settled a village of cowherds. Kalindi was death's twin, the daughter of the solar god, and a darling younger sister to the god of justice. Once bedecked in all fineries and jewels and celebrated amongst her devotees for her piety, she was now draped in a garb meant for unmarried women though saffron in hue, rudrakshas and jasmine blooms sitting in wreaths and garlands on her slender physique. Her jet black tresses mostly were held back in a bun, a fallacy that kept unwanted attention away when she pulled up the farce of being ordinary and roamed among her children.

An immortal goddess, the one who was foolish enough to abandon the riches and go after a lord whom she had once fallen for, they would say. She was as chaotic and pervasive as her waters were, flooding and bringing destruction when even attempted to be dishonoured. Her complexion resembled that of the butter thief lad who played the flute with the other rustic boys and had long relinquished the vraja she poured life into. Yamuna had not stopped him, she couldn't, but aeons first and now years of wait and agitation told her that she probably should have.

"Jiji, why don't you just tell him?" Nasatya had frowned, enthroning his head on her lap, a distinct melancholy in his almond eyes that resembled hers. "Besides, had he really cared…he would have come to you by now."

"Hush, munchkin!" She chuckled, a great distraction to her lovelorn heart as the elder of her twin baby brothers pouted at the address. "You must not speak of him thus. We are not having this discussion."

"But—"

"Shh! I am not coming back, and you know it." She staunchly shook her head and brushed her alta-smeared lotus palms over his eyes, a gesture for him to rest them shut. "Moreover, I am here because I want to. He is nowhere to be held responsible for my whims and resolve."

And of course, he didn't have to. Love isn't always returned now, is it?

"Even if it would take another lifetime, I'd be unbudged," she says, "I'd give you all of me and all that I can offer, darling. But alas, it's only this heart that I had a right on, and you have it now.

Neither golds and silvers, nor silks weaved brocade and tapestry. Only I come to you, would you still want me?"

Maybe Nasatya was right. Maybe Dasra would be upset with her for another millennium. Perhaps Surya would no longer hold her close to his heart and shower her with unbridled love. Probably Sangya and Chhaya were more than appalled, she had agonised them more than they deserved. And Shani…well, he did have a temper but a cute one. But he did go on and around visiting her once in a while; bringing berries sometimes, bouquets the other. He too, had been impishly outraged by the sheer audacity. But who was she fraught with? The art of exasperating people had to be the loveliest of all!

"It's all that I had ever desired, beloved." She finds her Kanhaai speaking from beside, their hands intertwined as he brings them to his lips and kisses her knuckles, and the back of her palm, her forehead and her heated jaws and fuchsia tinted cheeks. The peacock feather tucked in his diadem lilts with his heart where she resides. The Shrivatsa insignia gleams in exuberance. SangyaNandini giggles at the funny feeling which somersaults in her tummy, leaning and basking against the warmth his mere presence itself effortlessly exudes as they saunter into the territory of Khandava.

"Oh yes? But I had butter for you. You know, I thought it had to be the condition of espousing you."

"Really, Yamunae! Where?!"

Yamuna laughs, yet again. And Madhava looks at her for a moment, adoring the smile that had her bimba like lips stretching from ear to ear. He tugs at her veil mischievously and deliberately, demanding, "Maakhan, Priyae! Where is it?"

"Oh well you see—" She makes an utterly naive face and points at her lips, where she does have some traces of the butter she had received from her devotee as an affectionate offering. Kalindi's Keshava raises an eyebrow, leans and seeks consent before capturing them in a soft kiss that grows passionate with each passing moment and cradles her, so full of love and yearning - the feeling which once gnawed at her. She feels his midnight black curls against her fingers as they roam around in them, desperately clinging to him, and yet blushing tomatoes at the act.

They cross the rest of the distance with her in his robust arms, swayed off her feet quite literally.

[gauldheri]

[Champagne ] - Imported from the western shores of the Adrestrian Empire, the school purchases 70 bottles of this stuff well in advanced for this day alone. The bartenders are under strict orders not to offer any student more than one glass.

"Sylvain!" Dimitri hissed, appearing at his friend's side and placing his palm over the top of Sylvain's glass.

He wasn't here to nag - he wasn't here to nag, he had to remind himself, it was a party and he was ostensibly here to socialize - but he was certain that he had seen Sylvain with significantly less champagne in his glass just a few moments ago.

The heat of his glare was tempered a bit by the furtive looks he sent over his shoulder - it was difficult to truly be angry with one so close, wasn't it? No grudge great enough to bear for long.

But he could still hope to be exasperated, couldn't he?

A sigh. "You know that students are only allowed one. It shouldn't be too much to ask for you to behave with some decorum just the once, should it? You can't tell me that you need champagne to woo a prospective date," he added, nudging the other with his elbow. It was a poor attempt at a tease from someone not well accustomed to teasing.

There are many people in the world ready to nag at him, to criticise and try to keep him in mind. Few of them are actually able to make him feel even a hint of remorse, of course. Dimitri however has always been an exception to the rule. Sylvain's shoulders sag, in at least partial defeat but his smile refuses to falter.

"Well then, Your Highness, it's a good thing this glass," Sylvain raises his left hand higher, "isn't for me. It's for you. Assuming you want it of course."

Now if Dimitri doesn't want it, there's no reason to not polish it off himself. Genuinely however, he's more concerned about the Prince being able to relax and have a good time tonight. Especially after that run in with the man who claims to be Lambert. He'd like to steer Dimitri as far away from him as possible than allow him to be hurt by someone playing such a twisted game; though it's hardly his place as the margrave's son to tell his Prince where he can and can't mingle tonight. But guiding a friend around the stalls and dancefloor? Surely that was acceptable.

Sylvain's smile falls for just a moment as he regards Dimitri closely. It's back again in a moment, broad and jovial. Dimitri has been through more than his fair share - the least Sylvain can do is try to provide good cheer and a distraction from the cruelty of the world.

"Here, let's swap our feathers. Consider it an oath... and a compromise. A fair one, I promise! The truth is I'll never be like you and Ingrid," Sylvain has spent far too long fighting against the invisible chains of his own family to ever fall completely in line. His freedom is too precious, every tiny act of rebellion an assertion of his own identity. The last thing he wants is to cause Dimitri any real grief though. Perhaps, though it's the perfect night to meet and mingle, he can keep his tongue mostly in check and ensure no errant complaints reach the Prince's ears. "I promise to be on my best behaviour. Which isn't perfect but I'll be good - no ladies complaining, no teachers or anything. I might have an extra glass of champagne or something but nothing that would dishonour Faerghus or reach your ears."

"On your end of the deal, you focus on having fun instead of worrying about me! The night is still young, Your Highness. Why don't we head over there-- no, not to flirt. Just to say hello and be friendly; what's the point of a ball if not to let your hair down and socialise?"

Sylvain spares a glance over his shoulder, checking a certain someone isn't following them across the ballroom. Dimitri has grown far too much from the sweet, generous young boy he once knew. He might not have changed much at the core but Sylvain realises he isn't capable of protecting him anymore, one of them on the precipice of adulthood and the other having just crossed.

It won't stop him trying, Dimitri's smile is just as precious as it ever was, even if it's far rarer than it used to be.

[lafcadiosadventures]

Madame Putiphar Readalong. Book Two, Chapter XXIV:

An intimate/claustrophobic chapter this week, only just two characters in a room full of palpable tension. One of them will win this battle, but perhaps not the war. It is still extremely satisfying to see Debby’s psychological evolution, from silently suffering, too afraid to call attention on herself to being completely cold blooded and ready to defend herself.

detail of “Two ladies duelling with pistols”. Engraving, 1792. Wellcome Collection.

Gave de Villepastour decides to pay Debby a visit, to thank her for staying silence and not telling her husband his various instances of harassment and rape attempts. (and to give the whole thing yet another try)

To add insult to injury, Gave addresses Deborah as “countess” and “milady”, after having claimed to be unsure about her title when Patrick tried to prove he hadn’t murdered her (as we know, the truth is irrelevant to Gave, all that matters is powerplay)

Once again Gave approaches sex as a contract (the typical post 1700's libertine novel scene where the rake exposes the reasons for the waif to accept having sex, combining intellectual arguments, monetary persuasion, and a pedagogy against religious prudery, from Sade’s, Choderlos’ and Diderot’s rakes, to Balzac’s, and surely many more)

We are told this is happening at the same time Patrick was kissing Putiphar’s hem, which politically speaking, stresses the similarities and differences in their situations. In a metaphysical level it probably stresses their status as twin souls, predestined halves, they are both in danger at the same time, but as always, the political aspect is inseparable from the mystical and the heaviest here, the threat comes from aristocrats in a position to play with their would-be-food.

Gave continues to be gross and insulting (and stupid, interpreting Debby’s silence as his having a chance), Debby is surprisingly calm and in control. She reads though Gave too, asserting that he fears ridicule more than anything.

Gave retorts by offering Debby what he frames as the opportunity of a lifetime: being pimped out by him to the king himself (this will be extremely relevant in chapters to come), since Putiphar is “old” and Kings bore easily (or so Gave thinks, Pompadour was skilled at changing roles and staying relevant)

Debby is rightfully outraged, but why should the Marquis be respectful towards her, when he holds so much power over her in his hands? He kindly reminds her of the trial in Tralee. He can make an example out of Patrick with extreme ease... unless she agrees to let him fuck her.

It’s important that while Debby is disgusted, she arguments that she refuses because she trusts Villepastour to break his vow immediately as soon as he gets what he wants.

Villepastour replies with manipulation: Since he claims he has to dishonour himself if Deborah wants him to help Patrick, it’s only fair for her to be dishoured by him to return the favour (once again, transactional language, he only offers her “(...)un échange de déshonneur contre déshonneur”. He gets a good line after that, very “poésie du mal” to borrow from Balzac’s Lucien. Romantics loved an Aesthetic of Evil and this is a skilled example of that, even if Borel has not been interested in making Villepastour at all appealing:

“Believe me, be wise; let’s descend together in the abyss of evil, and let’s do it in our holiday clothes; let’s do it happily. One says the very bottom is covered in flowers where those who have dared reach its appalling edges and descended in its awful gorges get intoxicated with the rarest, proscribed pleasures. Let us not defy crime: it is, like certain women with an ugly mask, repulsive by its vulgarity; but often, just as with these women, it has secret beauties concealing ineffable pleasures as well.”

(tr. By @sainteverge )

“Believe me, be wise”: wake up from religious slumber that deprives you from “criminal”pleasures. A very Enlightenment argument. Which pleasures are labelled criminal? And by whom? Debby rejects his sadian/diderotian seduction techniques. She repeatedly claims it’s precisely religion which gives her the strength to reject his seduction and know he is not to be trusted. (which is extremely interesting. Borel reverses the Enlightenment reversal of the trope favouring religion endowing the waif with purity and strength. Let us keep in mind that Borel will defend Sade as a creative force later on, -a really brave stance, but more on that in the relevant chapter!!- )(SO. How does Borel feel personally about this type of scene, and about organized religion? Why does he chose to make his heroine a deeply catholic person? Is Debby’s trust in God undeserved? After all the narrator has also defined God as a torturer... who actively enjoys testing his most devoted follower’s faiths through suffering)

Gave also praises ugliness in women as a beauty that only the initiated can appreciate (makes me think of Hugo’s Josianne)(overall, a highly Romantic paragraph)

Debby rejects Villepastour, who decides if he cannot win her over intellectually he will this time have her by force. Not today. Debby pulls a pair of guns from under a cushion. She calmly asks him to leave and never to return since the next time he shows up she will kill him. There is fear and surprise in Gave, but even then he explicitly exposes the illuminist argument (which he has also used the time he broke into her home, with colonial undertones): he only wanted to help her! He wanted to extirpate from her mind the bourgeois morals and religious constraints entrapping it. And he jokes, the disgusting man dares to joke, that if he feels the “bellicose impulse” once more he will answer to her pistols with the armour and jousting weapons of his forefathers.

Debby is also keeping her cool. She attacks him right where it hurts him the most, his reputation and status as a nobleman:

“Monsieur the marquis, the deed seems hazardous to me, if I am to believe the chronicles; your ancestors were cleaning armours, but not wearing any.” Monsieur de Gave marquis de Villepastour was not expecting such a sharp comeback to his boasting; with his mouth clamped shut and a saddened air he walked out; and lady Deborah led him out with her pistols in hand and much politeness.”

(tr. once again by sainteverge)(read it here!!)

Extremely satisfying. And rare. A woman taking arms to defend herself? Seems rare to me, a person who has read a very limited ammount of authors of the period :P I can only think of Balzac's Laurence de Cinc-Cygne and the female spies in Les chouans.... there’s Fantine fighting back to her aggressor, and Madame Thenardier is also physically dangerous but is a different trope altogether...

[smol-tired-binch-blog]

So. Finished Kiwami 2.

I can feel the details fading from my brain already, what the fuck was that. Even without the weird anti-Korean bullshit (seriously EVERYONE is Jingweon except Kazuki and Suyeon bugger this honestly) it was so fucking BORING, I didn't CARE about the fate of the Tojo, let it fall, who cares. The only reason I'm mildly interested in it staying is cause the Omi are worse. I wasn't as invested in the combat but in fairness I got into this series thinking the quick-changing between four unique combat styles was this franchise's gimmick but turns out I'm wrong :) That's fine, it's just one of the main reasons I picked up the game, that's okay.

The game's best bits were Ryuji and Daigo. Also I like seeing Yuya and Kazuki and Sayama, whilst not given the best treatment via the writers imo, is a really cool character.

Oh and Majima Saga was MUCH shorter than I expected which eh, lil disappointing, but I got closure with him and his Sotenbori past so I'll allow it (even though it makes me fucking CRY)

Time for some under the cut ranting:

Why is it that the Jingweon's whole 'death before dishonour, revenge above all else' is simply Bad And Evil And Backwards when I swear like....don't yakuza have similar creeds? Never back down, loyalty to the cause, to the family, debts must be repaid in blood and money alike. Maybe they're go a bit more with it but yakuza aren't above playing the long game for their goals (see Sera and Shimano). Is it bad when they Jingweon do it cause they're Korean? They're the bad guys I guess so.

Also WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON WITH TERADA. FUCK OFF. I TOLD YALL I DIDN'T TRUST HIM IN KIWAMI BUT APPARENTLY HIM AND KAZAMA ARE RIGHT PROPER PALS BUT THEN NO HE WANTS REVENGE BUT ACTUALLY NOT REALLY HE REALLY WAS OUR ALLY ALL ALONG?!?!?!?!? FUCK THIS

Speaking of the bastard, Kazama really likes taking two young brothers/comrades and telling them "go make something of yourselves, you have such great potential" but then proceed to give special attention to one of them for SOME fucking reason but then still plays the cool-headed and aloof mentor, like "no I don't play favourites I can't do everything for you" whilst doing Literally Everything For Them and fighting tooth and nail to get them to the top without letting on to anyone that he does actually care. Every day I grow angrier that Nishiki didn't kill him the first time. Fire again, boyo.

Also FUCK RYUJI'S DAD. SERIOUSLY, what is WRONG with dads in RGG games??? "You're saying my own mama threw me away?" "No! I begged her to leave you with me." I BEG YOUR FUCKING PARDON?! WHAT?! I- I JUST- HUH?!?!?!? WHAT?!?!?!!?? FUCK OFF?!?!?!?!?!!?!?

But now Ryuji. Oh my God Ryuji. What a character, what a lad, what a man. I don't give a fuck, okay, he earned the title of Dragon, bollocks to Kiryu. And I mean that.

'Dragon of Dojima', 'Mad Dog of Shimano', legends, yes, but inherently tied to and defined by men who ruined their lives, men who don't deserve their names attached to those boys legacies. Ryuji though? He's defined by none but himself, tied to no one, his strength and power and name belonging to him and him alone. The Golden Dragon. By God he earned that tattoo.

So then WHY did they KILL HIM OFF?!?!?!? THEY HAD TIME TO LEAVE, YES RYUJI HONEY I AGREE EVERY MAN OUGHTA BE A LILTTLE BIT STUPID, IT MAKES EM CHARMING, BUT THIS IS SO FUCKING DUMB!!! You are NOT falling apart, you are LITERALLY BUILT DIFFERENT. You make KIRYU look like a twink and he's survived about 17 bullets in his life at this point, you should be able to heal from TWO of the bastards in NO TIME JUST GET YOURSELVES TO A HOSPITAL AND FIGHT LATER YOU HAVE A SISTER TO GET TO KNOW YOU CAN TALK ABOUT YOUR MOTHER YOU CAN HAVE A FAMILY PLEASE DON'T-

And the less we say about that dumb ending the better. skrunksthatwunk already made a good post on why it's bullshit cause Jesus fuckin Christ on a unicycle WHY do they keep trying to but Heterosexual Romance in my Shirtless Men Beating Each Other Up Whilst Pouring Their Hearts Out To Each Other game.

But hey, Yakuza 3 should be fun!!!! Genuinely really excited to see what goes down!!!

[lightningandfireinmybones]

Olay but I'm having two main thoughts.

Both delectable.

Firstly, let's travel a few centuries back we're in 945 iirc. Allow me to introduce you to the BIGGEST GIRLBOSS that ever Girlbossed. Her name is Olga of Kiev and her hubby was Igor.

One beautiful sunny day (idk what season it was I'm just stage setting) Igor visited neighbours to collect their taxes. Those bad bois though didnt really vibe with that and thus killed Igor. (They Viserys II'd his skull and used it as a mug iirc?)

They then sent a group of men to Olga to deliver the news and ask her hand in marriage. She welcomed them and the next day threw them all in a pit and burried them alive.

Then another group was sent to Olga after she invited them. Bbgirl locked them in a hall and set the whole thing on fire.

Then yet ANOTHER group of noblemen came to attend the funeral of the previous lads. They got the Frey- Lannister treatment at the feast.

THEN babygirl🛐 sieged their city. When asked what she'd want to retreat gorge only asked for three pigeons from each house. She tied hot burning coals to their legs and set them loose. The pigeons returned home and set the wooden buildings on fire.💅

INSANE TARG ENERGY, BUBBLING VISENYA VIBES, INCREDIBLY AEGON THE CONQUEROR AT HARENHALL CORE. 👑

Now I can totally see Val getting word that Aemond has allegedly been killed (while baby is either imprisoned and rotting in a cell or even better he's been hurt and gone missing and the terrified enemies lie to Val to make her think they have the upped hand with Aemond ans Vhagar gone). Val would ABSOLUTELY decimate them.

Not only have they murdered her other half, her beloved husband, her lover, her best friend, her blood, her uncle, her AEMOND! but they have the audacity to ask for her hand????????

Dead.

Second thought is once again brought to you by Ольга 💓💚❤️💜

After all this.... Unpleasantness, she decides that a rocking political move would be to befriend the Empire ( the Byzantine empire that is) and get baptized as a Christian.

Babygirl was smart tho! The emperor Constantine VII was struck by her beauty ( and her reigning of the Rus ) and decided that he'd try his luck with her.

In order to marry her tho she'd ofc have to be a christian which was why she went to Constantinople in the first place. So baptized she was and educated in the ways of Christianity. When the emperor though tried to make a move on her she slayingly and cuntily reminded him that since he had been her Godfather and had blessed her baptism, marrying him was forbidden since it could be perceived as a way of spiritual incest. And thus she rejected him without spilling any sweat or losing any sleep over his porphyrogenytos ass.

Now this!!! I'm thinking this is the base of our story. For political reasons it is begrudgingly decided by Daemyra that their one daughter needs to be used to forge an alliance with another kingdom. Someone unlikable and faithful to the 7. Im voting for Lannisters.

Now despite the insane L that is being Valyrian and debasing herself enough to get "baptized" in the Light of the Seven, she and daemyra decide that it would be the best way to lock the other Lord into their alliance without her having to marry him.

So she does visit, does (for the eyes of the public alone) follow the Faith and when forced to marry rhe lord reminds him that to do so would be forbidden, a spiritual death of both herself and him, a dishonour to both of their houses and rhe faith.

News of this reach Aemond who as has been established in the precious ask/response has to marry and ia Only looking for a Valyrian bride.

So sexy of her to say a loud YES to actual incest and fuck the daylights out of her uncle ans in return have him impale her on his r-...(im missing the point) ATOP THEIR THRONE WHILE WEARING THE CROWNS OF JAEHAERYS AND AEGON. (blackfyre AND the aegon dagger are up for blood/knife play js)

Maybe that's what set the lord off and make him declare was against the Targs who are now embracing fully their Valyrian ancestry. A public ceremony in the traditions of their House???

Maybe that's what starts the war. What makes Aemond fight and go missing and brings us to the beginning of this ask....

Lots of thoughts babies of mine... lots and lots....

Bestie this is ART, bless you for this history lesson of legend icon Olga!!!!

Let’s apply valaena and aemond to the most excellent framework you have given us!!!! I don’t really have much to add, you’re killing it!!!

Valaena and daemon scheming, determining she is to be the sacrifice for an alliance, to lure the lannisters into a false sense of security,,, and if there is anyone that is faithless, it’s valaena, she doesn’t particularly feel sacrilegous through this ruse

She can suffer through this whole baptism ruse if it’ll bring her family security,,, so she follows through on this, humiliating jason lannister and ensuring security

When aemond hears of this, word of his laughter reaches EVERYONE, and next thing you know, he’s on his way to court the uncourtable princess, only the best for emperor aemond

AND SHE SHOCKS EVERYONE WHEN SHE SAYS YES!!!! They marry embarrassingly quick, sparking rumors of pregnancy and public sex and defiling the throne

While aemond loves this ferocious sly wife, tension rises with valaena’s humiliation of the lannisters and the way she’s said to have the emperor’s eat,,, WAR

Bestie pls share all the thoughts this was so good!!!!

[spring-demonx]

[Diabolik Lovers HDB LVE] Manservant & Brute Endings ~Subaru🗡️~

Am I doing this after only doing the vampire ends of (almost) every Sakamaki brother? Yes. But I wanted to get it out of the way bc surprisingly, getting the right amount of S points was slightly tedious for me LOL (literally tried 3 times to get Subaru's manservant end b4 resorting to just look up how to get it)

Manservant End

Running away from the castle after Subaru killed Christa, Yui and Subaru arrive in the forest. Yui laments how she couldn't listen to Subaru's wish for her to wait for him while he does what he gotta do, and notices how depressed he looks. She asks him if he's alright as, seeing your mother dead on the ground would probably warrant such a reaction, only for it to come as a surprise that Subaru himself was the one who killed her, because he wanted to free her from the Hell she was living. He goes on to talk about how his "filthy" blood "dirtied" the white rose, driving her to insanity (it wasn't your fault, Babuಥ_ಥ).

Christa was deemed the most beautiful of the family, so that's the title she was given. But then, KarlHeinz r-worded her and Subaru was born then she 'wilted'. He says although it was them (*cough* KarlHeinz's, let's be real) who ruined her and she loathed them, she couldn't kill them nor take her own life. So due to time flowing differently for vampires compared to humans (and trauma), she eventually was driven to insanity. So to release his mother from being held captive by KarlHeinz in her eternal life of mental instability, Subaru followed the plea she gave him from a young age and killed her.

There's small implications once again of the connection of Yui's heart and Cordelia, but when questioned Subaru brushes it off and says to just forget about it. To his frustration, he can't kill his father because he doesn't have the power to do so yet, so Yui tells him to drink her blood as that makes him more powerful so one day he will gain the power to kill KarlHeinz. He's hesitant at first but Yui expresses he can lose his self-control because she broke her promise and didn't wait for him and wants to help him, not minding that she's his prey... Under the condition that he's not allowed to drink anyone else's blood, of course. Subaru agrees and promises to never let her go, drinking her blood in the moonlight.

Brute End

Yui wakes up and Subaru hasn't come back yet, so she starts to get worried. One of Subaru's(?) familiars flies in carrying a pouch which holds Subaru's silver knife, AND A WHITE ROSE!ಥ_ಥ Yui finds blood on the rose, and that's when it hits her that Subaru's most likely dead:') Screaming, she blames herself for not stopping him from leaving, and begs someone to save him, she'd even throw away her belief in God. This is finally where Cordelia actually comes into play herself, and tries to take over Yui's body, bc apparently she couldn't all this time since Yui hadn't given up her faith until now?

They talk for a bit and ofc Cordelia gotta rub everything in her face, saying that if Subaru had continued to drink her blood, "maybe he wouldn't have died so pathetically"╰（‵□′）╯ she wants to take over Yui to use the power to kill Karl Heinz (valid, honestly. Dude can drop dead). Yui takes all this information, and calls for Subaru, apologising for saying smth that dishonoured his kindness of wanting to protect her. Silently pledging her life to Subaru, she follows him and implacably stabs herself(┬┬﹏┬┬)

[rationalisms]

hiiii i asked about your favourite female characters recently and just wanted to say thanks and also that i started playing dishonoured (it was on sale for playstation!) and i’ve barely started but it might end up being one of my favourite games 🙃 haven’t even gotten to the ladies yet and i can’t wait. (also i didn’t know carrie fisher voiced a character! i’m avoiding looking up who she plays so i can be surprised when i hear her voice.) i will steadily work my way through the rest of the list after this. thanks again!

hi!! omg this makes me so so so happy, i'm really glad you enjoy it and i'm super excited for you to meet my faves in the DLC/sequel :') please do feel free to let me know what you thought when you finish it, or any of the other things i recced

also this is how /i/ found out that she voices a character lmao i truly had no idea that's wild

[cosmicangel888]

Your Heart, Your Truth is Your Life

The ones that truly love and honour you, are those that do not believe in rumours, nor take on the stories and lies, deceit of others lack of self games, schemes, and troubles of insecurity -

You will know those that will be there in all times; they will lift you when you are broken, feeling down, they will lift you when you are down, unhappy and grieving. - they will believe and see you as Godly and see you as love, they will know you of a true heart and build creation in this way with you - this is a true soul mate - one that is there in the breaking, the mess, the chaos, the rebuilding and loves, honours, uplifts you through it all

One that does the opposite, but only impales you, degrades you, dishonours you, takes from you in every way, steals your heart, ideas, content, words, and monies, withholds energy, truth, integrity and plays mind, emotional, spiritual games to build their own inner self and sense of false power -

To be respected, all must earn it - you must learn your own value to have any other value you - you must know your own story to learn, honour, have compassion for another's story - for you are threaded with it all - but none deserve, nor want to ever be a part of ever harmful, degrading, deceitful situations of greed and holding on to others to make your life more peaceful and right; the co-dependence and clutching on to what is not meant to be, or vibrationally aligned, all must bust and break away to enliven, align, and call in new levels of self love and self respect -

Unfair, unjust, discriminatory behaviours is equal to what is going on within - so see through the behaviours, words, illusions - all aspects of life, women, children, elders, life, nature, wildlife - is of need of your equal time, honour, respect - or it will be shown of lacking in you - all is a reflection of abundance or not - it is all belief and knowing within and as without - as above and as below

All is choice -

To be respected, to feel the upliftment of humanity and know of it, then you must earn it - you must show yourself and all others that you are truth, your story of challenge and truth and uplift =-

There will be 0 return to the past, nor anyone of the past will be allowed to return and continue any cycles; the past is done, gone, over; all must go away and heal in their new realities - none will be allowed to take and harm, manipulate and degrade me, my energy or my life - spirit has spoken again and again = cease and leave me in peace

Go be with your own healing -

Blessings and light

Joanna

#ascension

#healinghumanity

#God

[deathmybride]

*:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧ these violent delights | davos blackwood (part 3) *:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧

Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 3 | Part 4 ❤️‍🔥| Part 5 | Part 6 | Part 7 | Part 8 | Part 9 ❤️‍🔥

ship: davos blackwood x fem!oc

warnings: angst, descriptions of battle

summary: cersha and davos face the aftermath of their decisions.

word count: 1551

a/n: thanks so much for all the love on parts 1 and 2! i'd like to give special thanks to @aemondslove @disillusioned-phantasma @anaviieiraaa @deepestlovert @flordiakilos @kitty2694 @kpopfanfictionfantacies @sometings @nikkilsworld @gladiatorgladiator @borislava17 @oshun22 and most especially @spider-stark for their support by re-blogging or commenting on one or both of the previous parts. It really means the world to me, and I can't express how grateful I am for any feedback or support on this series! It is quickly becoming longer than I anticipated so do let me know if you want to read more :)

Dusk had settled by the time their bowls were empty. Cersha’s eyes were dark pools as she regarded him, their stillness unbroken but for the flickering candlelight. They were tapers made from beeswax, and they sweetened the air between them. Davos picked his teeth broodily with a fish bone and tried to hide the burden of her stare.

“I must return to Stone Hedge.” She rose to her feet and took up her belt and scabbard.

“What?” His eyes darted to her. “You can’t leave!”

“Men, ever the authority.” She tutted, though her tone softened when she saw the panic in his eyes. “My father will be worried. I will return to you on the morrow, on my honour.”

“You ran away from home in the midst of a battle!” Davos struggled to sit forward. “If you go now your father will lock you up for good.”

“You know nothing of my father.”

“I know my father.” A pleading look creased his features. “He coddles my sisters like baby lambs. That might not be the case for you, but listen to me now. If my daughter disappeared like that- might have been dead for all I know- I’d never let her out of my sight again.”

“You have a daughter?”

“Well, no.” He flushed.

“Not even a base-born child with dirt beneath her nails?” Her wry smile faded as she saw the longing in his eyes, her hand wresting on the pommel of her short-sword.

“Not one.” He lowered his face as he shook his head. “But that’s not the point. You know I’m speaking true, if you leave now you might never come back.”

“I must.” She pulled her grey cloak about her shoulders and fastened it. To Davos, she looked like an outlaw queen.

“You snatched me from the battlefield,” He went on, eyes hardening in anger like a cornered dog. “You stole my valour, you sullied my name as a Blackwood, and what now? You’d leave me to starve? I have dishonoured myself time and again this day and I’ve yet to have my fill of it. I beg you now, Bracken, don’t leave me here.”

“You are thankless.” She muttered, slinging her quiver across her torso. “I found you wounded and unarmed, and I spared you where my kin would have cut your throat. You went with me willingly, and you call me turncloak? And still you make demands of me! More, more, more! What more should I give a man like you? I have already given too much.”

“And I’ve taken too much! This never should have happened, but it has, and now it must be righted. Kill me now, or stay and nurse me, but don’t abandon what you started.”

She stalked around the table until she stood before him on the bed.

“You started this as much as I.” She said darkly. “I will stay with you until you can walk unaided. From then, you will find you own way back to Raventree Hall and speak of this to no-one. The tale you tell in its place is up to you.”

Dawn had not yet broken when Cersha woke from her restless slumber. A week of sleep atop a folded spare blanket under the table had stiffened her bones and she ached for her feather bed at Stone Hedge. Night after night, Davos asked her into his bed and night after night she refused, tempting as the offer was. ‘Let’s stop playing games,’ he would shuffle close to the wall and open his arms, voice low and gravelly with exhaustion, but she would steadfastly stick to her place on the floor. Even behind the defences of the table legs, her dreams always were fraught with choking smoke and splashes of boiling blood, and often she woke sweating and screaming for her father, her stomach roiling with guilt for hiding from him. She never left the hidden clearing but under the cover of night, and often she and Davos would sit in the grass outside the cottage and listen to the search parties call for her as they passed by.

The weather had been mercifully still, and while the mist had cleared, there was enough smoke still in the air that they could keep a fire overnight, and this morning it had burned down to a low smoulder. When she stirred the embers she saw the curve of Davos’ sleeping frame in the spark-light. The last of the poppy tea had gifted him a deep and unbroken slumber, and he did not twitch or whimper under the burden of dreams. She could not ignore the pang of guilt in her stomach as she turned from him and slipped into the night.

The smoke from the burning mill still hung in the air and stretched the first half-light of dawn into a pink haze when she returned, grey eyes clouded by ghosts. The Blackwood sat up in bed, dark eyed, hunched and bristling like a squalling raven.

“You’re up early.” She remarked hollowly, setting her bow by the door and throwing a sack of morels and watercress down on the table.

“You left me.”

“I’m back now, am I not?” She avoided his eyes, stripping off her quiver.

“You said you wouldn’t leave without telling me.” He spoke through gritted teeth. “For all I knew you were gone for good!”

“I brought us a rabbit.” She unhooked the carcass from her belt and held it up by the ears. The paws knocked together as she shook it. “Be grateful.”

Davos scoffed but said nothing more, instead taking to glowering in silence.

“You will have to walk without me today.”

“Why?” He saw noticed then that she gripped the table’s edge with such force that her knuckles turned white. He spoke her name softly, urgently. “Cersha. What happened?”

“The Blackwoods have taken Stone Hedge. I saw my family in chains, our Sept ablaze… I saw Queen Rhaenyra’s banners hanging from our windows. I saw men hanged in Blackwood colours, their feet bound…”

“Deserters,” Davos spoke, horror ringing through his voice. “From the border stones. I cannot go back.”

“The lives we had are over. Was it worth the price?” Cersha turned, and when he saw her glassy eyes were mirrors of his own, he would have asked her the same question.

“Why were you at the battlefield that day?” His voice had lost the heat of accusation. “Why is this our fate?”

“I came for Aeron.” She admitted, sitting for the first time at the edge of the bed. “The news reached us early that he had been slain in a skirmish over the border, but fool that I am, I thought… I hoped I would find him there, wounded but alive, and well enough to follow me to safety. Of course, when I saw the carnage…” For a moment she returned to the slicing reek of blood, to the roar of scores of screaming men, the clashing, bashing metal on metal, to the men wallowing and moaning in the welter of mud and gore. “I knew it was hopeless. I thought I would die that day. I nearly turned and ran, but I saw you trying to stand and I thought, in a place such as this, where the Stranger walks amongst us and mud smears across the heraldry… a life is a life. If I saved you, perhaps in some way I would be saving him.” Her voice broke and a hand flew up to cover her face. “How could I know it was your sword that cut him down?”

An apology turned to ash in his mouth, and Davos swallowed it drily, feeling it take seed in his stomach. He reached for her, brushing his fingertips across the back of her hand. Could she blame it on the desperation for comfort, or genuine forgiveness, neither could say, but she released her fist and let him lace their fingers together.

“I must ride to Riverrun and appeal to Oscar. He will not stand for this wanton violence.”

“Your old flame?” He smiled thinly, and to his relief she managed a chuckle.

“He is my friend, but not fit to be my husband.” She turned to him and squeezed his hand. “Will you come with me?”

“I can’t. I cut down the first man, I fled the battlefield, wherever I go, I’ll be hanged. I’m fucked, Cersha.”

“Oscar is merciful, as is his grandfather. He could send you to the Watch.”

“I don’t want to join the fucking Watch! Come on, Cersha, if Oscar Tully is as just as you say, he will avenge your family. He will put this to rights.” There was a question in his eyes, an unmistakable eagerness.

“What do you ask of me?”

“Ride north with me. We could seek asylum with your kin on Bear Isle. There is a war brewing and this is the first of many battles. I would not have you caught up in this, you are far too precious to me-”

“Davos.”

“Please. I have nothing left to lose but you.”

“Don’t speak like that.” She whispered, aching inside and out. “I must help my family.”

A shuddering sigh left his lips and defeat filled his eyes.

“Then I will ride with you, my lady.”

[selenityshiroi]

My adventures in FFXIV: finally reached the end of ARR edition

So...a fair few years back I, a huge Final Fantasy fan but not so much a fan of MMORPGs, heard that the critically acclaimed MMORPG FFXIV was available on a free trial (up to level blah blah and including expansions etc insert rest of meme here). And I figured I would give it a shot.

I downloaded it to my PS4, made my character, stumbled my way through chosing a class, got lost a billion times, and then finally made it out of the city and to my first enemies...

Where, with my lack of understanding of the controls and mechanics, thought I'd accidentally attacked another player instead of the monster and insta closed the game in shame and dishonour.

(Back then I didn't know you COULDN'T attack another player outside of PVP and the player probably just teleported away with great timing)

I didn't touch the game for another year or two.

That year or two later I was exposed to XIV again through FFXIII fans. And it was also around the time that SquareEnix started to release and advertise a beginners guide to FFXIV and it was being mentioned by many people that XIV could now be played solo*.

*not quite fully but we'll get to that

So, with these factors combined, I watched the SE vids and dusted off my PS4 and booted the game back up.

A few hours later and I was invested.

This time around I wasn't stumbling around completely blind (don't get me wrong...there are SEVERAL mechanics I would later have to Google and watch YouTube vids for because the in game experience wasn't intuituive) and I had some aims to get to. Plus I now had fans of the game, that I knew, telling me 'it gets better after ARR' so I had a reason to get through the story to 'make it to the good stuff'.

So...about that.

I proceeded to spend the last two years 'getting through the story'.

And that is for two reasons.

1. I unlocked every role and initially started to equally level them all up, not realising this was not a great idea. I eventually WHM mained at around lvl 34 but I continued an obsessive need to level up all the DOL/DOH roles.

I actually ran out of material accessibility before slowing down.

2. Solo*

I very, very quickly realised that doing anything with parties made me extremely anxious. I'm not extremely confident in my gameplay and whilst I'm happy to fail and repeat in my own gameplay, I don't want to negatively affect anyone else.

But, in the latter half of ARR, I started stumbling across content I couldn't complete without a party. I avoided those side content aspects for a while and procrastinated a little with more gathering and crafting.

But then I reached the Crystal Tower. And, suddenly, it wasn't just side content I could avoid.

In order to continue the MSQ I HAD to join a party.

And here is where I give a shout out to youtube tutorials (in particular The Scrub) for giving me a guides that I could study like I was about to take an exam. Because being able to go into coop content with some idea of what to expect did ease my concerns a little.

And here is where I give a massive shout out to the XIV player base. Because I wasn't perfect. And I did make some mistakes (although I'm also pretty sure on some duties the tank was making mistakes...) but the players were helpful and kind about it. Especially when I put out a 'sry new and on ps5' message (because by this point I had transferred my file to my PS5 and brought the game for inventory space...see my crafting and gathering obsession). I think I saw one 'ugh doing with this newbs is rough' message in an 8 man raid where it went wrong for a lot of people but even that wasn't too mean.

But the bad thing about the 'it gets really good after ARR' thing was that after the Praetorium I was expecting it to be close to the end of the expansion. And that the things after it were just trying up loose ends and simple side quest stuff. So I tried rushing through it a bit but then realised that...it kept going. And it was also full of plot. New characters, more world building etc. So I slowed down again because it had been a year since the Praetorium and, sure, I'd taken some long breaks to play other games, but I wasn't getting to the end.

Now...I had seen exactly one thing from FFXIV before playing the game at all. I have been exposed to some more spoilers since then, but the scene I had seen before playing was a complete scene that was understandable without context. Nanamo's part at the end of ARR.

So I knew it was coming and I was starting to piece together the context leading up to it before I reached it. And the longer it took to show up the more I thought 'wow...this really is the expansion that never ends'.

Until yesterday. When 'several cutscenes will play in a sequence' popped up and I knew.

It was time.

The Venn Diagram of side characters I really liked and characters who FFXIV killed off is pretty much a circle.

Still mourning Noraxia and don't get me started on Moenbryda, the character so hot even my aroace ass went 'oh'.

But it finally happened. I reached credits on ARR.

It's taken me 2 (or technically like 5) years but I made it!

The story for ARR wasn't bad, but there were sections where I just wanted to get to the next bit. It took me a while to really get into the swing of things and understand the world and it's characters. At the beginning I didn't really like any of the city leaders because there was a lot of 'let's kill all the beast tribes' talk and the beast tribes seemed sentient, so it seemed pretty genocidal. But then the sentience and right of the various races to live and coexist became a plot point and I think that was when I finally started to settle into the world building.

It probably took until post praetorium for me to really get into the Scions squad. This was not helped by Minfilia's VA who almost made me hate the character because yikes. I don't want to blame the actress, because I do believe that voice direction has a lot to answer for with dubbing. But it was so bad. I am very glad I have now reached the stage where a new cast and studio took over.

Now my new task (other than, obviously, playing HW) is to work through the tribal quests. I really like the tribes and was very happy to unlock the quests. But I didn't work through them and I forgot that you are limited in daily activity. And that they share a quest quota.

I also think there might be some materials locked behind the quests???

I also would like some money for a house. Ha. Haha. Hahaha.

I have like 560k. Houses are like 3mil at least.

But I'm missing out on so much crafting by not having a house to fill with furniture.