#making better choices
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I am going to let you guide my behaviour. You who I haven't yet met. You who I know I will meet. My future love, my future partner. I know I should improve first and foremost for myself. I know I should heal for me. I know I should take these decisions that are right for myself. But is it so bad if my motivation is us? The life we will build together. The people we will be to each other. The way we will love each other. Is it so bad if I gather strength from the idea of us? And let that help me do what I need to do now? You will be someone I will love, yes, but also respect and cherish, and I will be someone you love, respect, and cherish. So the things I do now, the choices I make, have to be those that I can be proud of sharing with you. And breaking my own heart, letting others break it, or breaking that of someone else will not be choices I will be proud to share with you. I don't want you to look at me like you don't think I'm the absolute best. So I will do better. No matter how hard it is now, I will do better. For us.
#spilled ink#writerscreed#poetryportal#poeticstories#spilled thoughts#poets on tumblr#writers on tumblr#writers on love#poets on love#dear future lover#dear future boyfriend#dear future partner#dear future husband#being better#doing better#making better choices#decisions#creatingnikki
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It’s never too late to backtrack on your choices and make better ones. 11.21
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Today my therapist introduced me to a concept surrounding disability that she called "hLep".
[plain-text version of this post can be found under the cut]
Which is when you - in this case, you are a disabled person - ask someone for help ("I can't drink almond milk so can you get me some whole milk?", or "Please call Donna and ask her to pick up the car for me."), and they say yes, and then they do something that is not what you asked for but is what they think you should have asked for ("I know you said you wanted whole, but I got you skim milk because it's better for you!", "I didn't want to ruin Donna's day by asking her that, so I spent your money on an expensive towing service!") And then if you get annoyed at them for ignoring what you actually asked for - and often it has already happened repeatedly - they get angry because they "were just helping you! You should be grateful!!"
And my therapist pointed out that this is not "help", it's "hLep".
Sure, it looks like help; it kind of sounds like help too; and if it was adjusted just a little bit, it could be help. But it's not help. It's hLep.
At its best, it is patronizing and makes a person feel unvalued and un-listened-to. Always, it reinforces the false idea that disabled people can't be trusted with our own care. And at its worst, it results in disabled people losing our freedom and control over our lives, and also being unable to actually access what we need to survive.
So please, when a disabled person asks you for help on something, don't be a hLeper, be a helper! In other words: they know better than you what they need, and the best way you can honor the trust they've put in you is to believe that!
Also, I want to be very clear that the "getting angry at a disabled person's attempts to point out harmful behavior" part of this makes the whole thing WAY worse. Like it'd be one thing if my roommate bought me some passive-aggressive skim milk, but then they heard what I had to say, and they apologized and did better in the future - our relationship could bounce back from that. But it is very much another thing to have a crying shouting match with someone who is furious at you for saying something they did was ableist. Like, Christ, Jessica, remind me to never ask for your support ever again! You make me feel like if I asked you to call 911, you'd order a pizza because you know I'll feel better once I eat something!!
Edit: crediting my therapist by name with her permission - this term was coined by Nahime Aguirre Mtanous!
Edit again: I made an optional follow-up to this post after seeing the responses. Might help somebody. CW for me frankly talking about how dangerous hLep really is.
Plain-text version:
Today my therapist introduced me to a concept surrounding disability that she called "hLep".
Which is when you - in this case, you are a disabled person - ask someone for help ("I can't drink almond milk so can you get me some whole milk?", or "Please call Donna and ask her to pick up the car for me."), and they say yes, and then they do something that is not what you asked for but is what they think you should have asked for ("I know you said you wanted whole, but I got you skim milk because it's better for you!", "I didn't want to ruin Donna's day by asking her that, so I spent your money on an expensive towing service!") And then if you get annoyed at them for ignoring what you actually asked for - and often it has already happened repeatedly - they get angry because they "were just helping you! You should be grateful!!"
And my therapist pointed out that this is not "help", it's "hLep".
Sure, it looks like help; it kind of sounds like help too; and if it was adjusted just a little bit, it could be help. But it's not help. It's hLep.
At its best, it is patronizing and makes a person feel unvalued and un-listened-to. Always, it reinforces the false idea that disabled people can't be trusted with our own care. And at its worst, it results in disabled people losing our freedom and control over our lives, and also being unable to actually access what we need to survive.
So please, when a disabled person asks you for help on something, don't be a hLeper, be a helper! In other words: they know better than you what they need, and the best way you can honor the trust they've put in you is to believe that!
P.S. Also, I want to be very clear that the "getting angry at a disabled person's attempts to point out harmful behavior" part of this makes the whole thing WAY worse. Like it'd be one thing if my roommate bought me some passive-aggressive skim milk, but then they heard what I had to say, and they apologized and did better in the future - our relationship could bounce back from that. But it is very much another thing to have a crying shouting match with someone who is furious at you for saying something they did was ableist. Like, Christ, Jessica, remind me to never ask for your support ever again! You make me feel like if I asked you to call 911, you'd order a pizza because you know I'll feel better once I eat something!!
Edit: crediting my therapist by name with her permission - this term was coined by Nahime Aguirre Mtanous!
Edit again: I made an optional follow-up to this post after seeing the responses. Might help somebody. CW for me frankly talking about how dangerous hLep really is.
#hlep#original#mental health#my sympathies and empathies to anyone who has to rely on this kind of hlep to get what they need.#the people in my life who most need to see this post are my family but even if they did I sincerely doubt they would internalize it#i've tried to break thru to them so many times it makes my head hurt. so i am focusing on boundaries and on finding other forms of support#and this thing i learned today helps me validate those boundaries. the example with the milk was from my therapist.#the example with the towing company was a real thing that happened with my parents a few months ago while I was age 28. 28!#a full adult age! it is so infantilizing as a disabled adult to seek assistance and support from ableist parents.#they were real mad i was mad tho. and the spoons i spent trying to explain it were only the latest in a long line of#huge family-related spoon expenditures. distance and the ability to enforce boundaries helps. haven't talked to sisters for literally the#longest period of my whole life. people really believe that if they love you and try to help you they can do no wrong.#and those people are NOT great allies to the chronically sick folks in their lives.#you can adore someone and still fuck up and hurt them so bad. will your pride refuse to accept what you've done and lash out instead?#or will you have courage and be kind? will you learn and grow? all of us have prejudices and practices we are not yet aware of.#no one is pure. but will you be kind? will you be a good friend? will you grow? i hope i grow. i hope i always make the choice to grow.#i hope with every year i age i get better and better at making people feel the opposite of how my family's ableism has made me feel#i will see them seen and hear them heard and smile at their smiles. make them feel smart and held and strong.#just like i do now but even better! i am always learning better ways to be kind so i don't see why i would stop
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man if I was a russian mob boss and my worthless layabout son killed baba yaga's dog I'd just fucking give him up. like immediately. like call john wick's secret basement landline and be like "iosef's at the club. all his goons and bodyguards have been instructed to stand down. there's a new puppy on your front porch. do you want an edible arrangement or anything"
#it's not like little theon is an asset to your empire#just move on with your life#have more sons. make better parenting choices#psir#john wick
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I'm a little bit hungry and I have to take my spouse to the airport in a little more than 3 hours, so I took these out to snack on.
In case you hadn't read, I have a gallstone and should definitely not be eating something like this. I thought maybe I could have just a few crackers, but I was distracted by something and didn't have any. It's been a few minutes and now I'm thinking I'm not that hungry anymore and I think maybe I'll just have a few blueberries instead.
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will sleeps on basically the equivalent of a sofa bed. look at how flat that shit is like no wonder he's irritated as fuck half the time bc he can't sleep worth a damn on that uncomfortable ass bed 😭😭
#look at his posture#he literally has to lean on the wall just to sit up#yes i'm hating on will's choice of bed and what about it#he has the money to get a better one but he won't 🙄#will graham#hannibal#nbc hannibal#hannibal lecter#hannigram#hannibal shitpost#will graham's shitty bed#making that a tag now
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GAME START
#i love stylization i love versatility i love drawing in new styles i love INTENTION i love artistic decision making its delicious#thought of this a hot minute ago when the plot dropped but im freelancing w sesame street again so i only squeezed this out now#i love little contained rpg horror-esque games and i wanted a kind of standalone lil niche game vibe to this#i originally did a color plan and immediately scrapped it. limited palette w TEXTURE choice works far better for this. more flavor#silver looks so pretty. SPEAKING OF SILVER PRETTINESS. THE TSUM GROOVY??? HELLO???? SILVER FANS NEVER LOSE#like i shit u not he doesnt have a SINGLE UGLY GRROVY. NONE. THIS IS THE ROBES GROOVY DONE BETTER LIKE IM DEAD#im kissing him and his tsum. scwunkles#twst#twisted wonderland#twst silver#sebek zigvolt#malleus draconia#idia shroud#vil schoenheit#jamil viper#azul ashengrotto#leona kingscholar#riddle rosehearts#suntails
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saw a post the other day that said that psych survivors were overexaggerating and fearmongering for saying that people should be aware that having diagnoses on your record can be a danger + impede your life. and the more i think about it the more annoyed i am. because i think people need to know that there are exceptions to health privacy laws that can make having psych diagnoses and psych hospitalization history on your record risky depending on your circumstances. diagnoses follow you through your health interactions-you do not have to consent to have your information shared between providers. judicial proceedings are also an exception to the HIPAA privacy rule, so for things like custody battles, guardianship, getting orders of protection--the court can petition for medical records. there's so many other situations where even if they can't legally access your information without your authorization, people will require you to disclose diagnoses, records, previous hospitalizations and refuse to give you services/hire you/whatever unless you share that information with them. for example in many states anyone (a provider, a cop, friends and family) can disclose that you have certain psych diagnoses like bipolar to the DMV which then might require that you undergo drivers license review as frequently as every 3 months. my university is actively trying to kick me out right now because i had to disclose my medical record, psych diagnoses, and hospitalization history to them as a requirement to stay enrolled.
and i don't want to scare people or make people think that having a diagnosis on their records is automatically going to mean that it is weaponized against us. because i do know plenty of people who have never faced issues with their records. but i do expect that the community supports the people speaking out about the ways that we have been harmed by diagnoses creating barriers to accessing necessary parts of our life. instead of attacking us or saying that we're lying about things we are currently experiencing.
#personal#antipsych#antipsychiatry#mad pride#mad liberation#saneism#it's just like. i think we need to be realistic! and not deny people who are literally talking about things happening to them#and also allow people who have the option. to make informed choices about seeking diagnosis#bc for many of us that isn't up to us. but if you are considering seeking formal diagnosis. there can absolutley be some good and helpful#things that come from that! im not denying that at all! but there's also some negatives#and i think also like. if people refuse to acknowlege the ways this is structurally a problem#how are we going to make it better so that we don't have to deal with thsi stuff
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Being a batfam fan is funny because people will make a post like “here’s my headcanon-“ and it’s just something that’s directly canon to the story then post about major canon events and get everything wrong.
#this post was inspired by me remembering the experience of reading death in the family#after only knowing the fanbase version and realizing oh none of that shit happened okay#like girl you don’t understand it’s so bad#Jason wasn’t even fired as Robin#He’s not accused of murdering anyone by Bruce#He’s not trying to prove himself at all he’s just looking for his mom#The reason Bruce didn’t go after him right away is because he was tracking down a goddamn nuke the Joker stole#Then after he finds it and handles the problem he helps Jason track down moms 2 and 3#Also Jason died in like 20 minutes?? even less??#He died in less time than it took his mother to smoke a cigarette#Bruce literally went ‘wait here I’ll be right back’ and was gone for less time than a trip to the grocery store#and then you go into the Jason Todd tag and they act like Bruce pulled the damn trigger on him#Like besties I don’t know how to tell you this he basically did everything right he possibly could have#Even him benching Jason from Robin temporarily happens so that he can get Jason into therapy about his trauma#Like the whole point is that neither of them did anything wrong bad shit just sometimes happens#That’s the tragedy. The drama.#Bruce couldn’t have made better choices in the position he was in and Jason was never going to make different ones#It was inevitable#Anyway rant over please read death in the family before I lose my mind#batfam#batman#jason todd#tim drake#dick grayson#damian wayne#bruce wayne
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me and the Girlies (gn) about to make some objectively fucking terrible decisions in DATV:
#i have an terrible urge to make the worst choices possible right away just to see how bad it can get#like ripping off a bandaid or setting a bone#just fuck me up#i can feel better after#dragon age#dragon age: the veilguard#DA4#DA:V#DA:TV#solas#solavellan#egg disaster#p.s. don't nightblog or you'll put words in the wrong order
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WE ARE | EP16
#we are#we are the series#we are series#tanfang#aou thanaboon#aouboom#boom tharatorn#my edits#weareedit#AOUBOOM MAIN LEADS WHEN???#i do appreciate them and the way they’ve been portraying tanfang#i know tan was a bit over the top 99% of the time#but every scene and touch felt so genuine#and i’m not gonna credit that to new#bc he wasn’t able to direct ppw in a way that didn’t make their kisses look a bit awkward#i know scenes have to look aesthetically pleasing in some way#and that’s why we keep having to deal the ‘no one would kiss with this much space for jesus between each other’ complaints#but like look at aouboom here#this is mostly them and their acting choices in my humble opinion#and don’t get me started on the pecks#ppw BARELY touched the other one’s lips when they had to do a peck kiss#like cmon the difference between ppw and aouboom pecks is insane#i’m sorry for picking on ppw but i’m a bit sad that some of their romantic scenes were a bit lackluster#especially that very last kiss which tbh i rather wouldn’t have seen bc it felt a bit awkward to me#but that may be just me#i need new to get a bit more frisky with kiss scenes when it comes to his directing#bc i feel like friskier kiss scenes only happen when the actors mostly do their thing after finding out what the director wants#(maybe i’m completely wrong about new but tkdkfdkddkdk)#and don’t get me wrong idgaf if there are kisses or not but if there’s a kiss scene you should commit instead of holding yourself back idk#and ppw definitely need a better director to help them achieve that bc jojo was definitely better at directing them
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I think Nico's ability to survive is less so about his will to live and more so about his refusal (less so personal and more so narrative-wise) to die. Nico, for the lack of a better word, is like a cockroach: you cannot kill him in a way that matters so he survives and keeps haunting the scene.
There was once a marvelous post on Nico's function as a narrative tool and it was so beautifully pointed out that he's a near-omniscient deus ex machina (to simplify) which cannot be overlooked when characterizing him. Nico carries so much narrative weight on his back (which arguably could be an example of either good or bad writing depending on your perspective) that he cannot just go and die.
His road towards healing (though definitely not walked alone/individually) is his own, that's his choice to make as a character, but his disposition as a guy that perseveres resides more within his function, in my opinion.
He's not the tragic prince doomed for self-destruction people often draw him out to be but his capacity for survival is also not a product of his continuous work as a character, at least not just that — but is rather a result of his narrative function. Simply saying, you cannot, narratively, kill off Nico di Angelo.
#🌞#Hi I'm obnoxious!#But I also don't like when the supra-character narrative plain is ignored. Because a book is not just what characters do and say.#It's often /less/ about the characters and their (presumed dare I say Gods bless media analysis) feelings and more about their function.#Nico has a very specific role assigned to him that was covered in a marvelous post I'm sure I still have somewhere. Saved.#But. Yeah. Characters of the 'deus ex machina' kind that are often keys to narrative (cough) plotholes are almost never killed off.#They persevere bc without them the plot does not happen.#If you want a character whose whole self is about hope survival and better tomorrow? Titular character of the Percy Jackson series.#Percy survives as a CHOICE he repeatedly makes. He does not contain Nico's ability to leave and enter the narrative at will.#rrverse#pjo#nico di angelo
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the sharp inhale raphael does when you tell him to paint you a picture cracks me up so bad. bro couldn’t wait to give his little theatrical number.
#raphael is literally that ‘he looks like he’s itching to tell me a riddle’ meme#he’s so annoying. im obsessed with him#yes i have the better raphael outfits mod. he’s not allowed to speak to me while wearing that fugly default outfit of his#i have a love hate relationship with it. on one hand it gives me the ick but on the other he still somehow looks so damn fine in it#pisses me off 😒#especially because i just KNOW he’d be the biggest judgmental asshole when it comes to tav/durge’s fashion choices#like girl… you have ZERO room to talk wearing that fugly fit#looking like lord farquaad from shrek 😒#anyways this stupid mod makes me insaaaaaaaane he looks so good i need to be put in a straight jacket before i start gnawing at his ankles#ignore my party of edgelords. no one is safe from the drow black dye#bg3#raphael
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we all deserve to belong somewhere | STAR TREK: PRODIGY
#kathryn janeway#star trek#star trek prodigy#prodigyedit#my gifs#my posts#mine: prodigy#startrekdaily#startrekedit#trekedit#trekdaily#scifigifs#cinemapix#userthing#dailyflicks#trekgifsblog#usersource#tvedit#filmtvdaily#userstream#useroptional#treksource#startrekgifs#scifiedit#userarmchair#need to learn how to sharpen and colour animation properly because this show deserves the best#idk what i have to offer to this celebration day but here's some rushed gifs#i swear these looks better on web than mobile ;_;#me vs not knowing which 10 scenes to gif and forcing myself to make choices (Y)
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Yeonjun about the strain he felt while preparing for his debut solo project ✙ "GGUM" MAKING FILM
#yeonjun#choi yeonjun#tomorrow x together#txt#ggum: making film#gifs#creations#userzaynab#useryeonbins#skyehi#rosieblr#megtag#hibiebear#heyiri#ultkpopnetwork#kpopccc#kpopco#this are like the rawest emotions we've seen from him... I feel... it's really sad to watch him like this#i mean I know they're under lots of pressure and stress#It's only natural when you work with so many people who you could potentially disappoint#and I know it was his choice to make this solo project happen now but i feel like the company could manage his schedule better#because why he films till 3 am and then right next day has a flight to another country for a concert...#and now we know from soobin they're super busy again#I'm worried his body will just say 'enough' one day and something bad will happen :(#and you have him work so hard and stress and then all this losers online whose biggest achievement is getting 100 likes on a post#writing the worst things about him for no reason... its not that hard to be kind and you dont need to have an opinion about everything :D#at the end of the day that celebrity you hate so much is still pretty and successful#and you're just a friendless jobless empty-headed rotten fool with likes on a post that mean nothing once you close the ap#I'm just glad all this is still fun for him and that he has such a great support system: his members family staff who care about him and us#all we can really do is support them and send them lots of love fr ;; you've done well my jjunie ily ♥
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gothic lolita machete came to me in a dream
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#HHWAH#but he unironically kind of makes it work though??#I never realized that the leap from what he normally wears to gothic lolita would be this small#basically the same thing just a lot more lace and frills and embroidery#loving! the pomegranates!#it always makes me ecstatic when people find a way to include them or his other... symbols? motifs? objects of significance?#it's nice you kept the red gloves and red heels#the little crosses on the capelet and the stockings too hah#and the massive bow where the fascia would go#I support genderfuckery Machete by the way#his design and mannerisms have always been somewhat androgynous or at least that's what I've been trying to aim for#despite his sharp angular form he's supposed to have an aura of elegance and delicateness#at least on his better days when he's not in full rat man mode#given the choice he'd rather be called beautiful than handsome I'm pretty sure#folks have been mistaking him for a goth lesbian a whole lot lately so I can't be too far off#thank you this made me grin like an idiot when I opened the inbox#gift art#aggiepython#own characters#Machete
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