#make the betrayal hurt you cowards

[v-a-l]

There need to be more marauder ot4 fics cause Peter deserves to fuck and then fuck over his friends.

[milkoomi]

⋆˚࿔ a new canvas means a new you 𝜗𝜚˚⋆

a mini series on the art of becoming a better you

inspired by this podcast i watched recently !!

chapter one — THE ART OF LETTING GO

letting go is one of the strongest and bravest things we can do for ourselves. whether it be letting go of toxic relationships, bad habits, or simply just things that no longer serve you, being able to do something like that will help us grow stronger and create a better life for ourselves. i’m sure there’s so many things, or even people, that have been weighing you down or hindering your own progress, so take that first step and let. them. go.

ᥫ᭡. things/people to let go of

bad friends/partners

toxic relationships, whether romantic or platonic, are extremely hard to free yourself from, but you have to put yourself first. you are always your number one priority. if you believe in “treat others how you want to be treated”, then you should believe in making sure others are treating you the way you want to be treated. you can always give and give to the people in your life, but relationships are a two-way street, babe. you can’t give your all when the person or people you’re giving too isn’t giving anything in return! don’t continue to expend any more of your energy on those who won’t even consider trying to give you even an ounce of energy back. it’s not worth it.

when you’re in a toxic relationship, you start to realize how poorly you’re being treated, but because you want to try and fix the relationship or mend it somehow, you stay. and staying is one of the worst things you can do for yourself. while you try and try to fix something that you aren’t even responsible for fixing, you just keep hurting yourself over and over; making yourself even more miserable in the relationship. and you don’t deserve that! you don’t deserve to be treated poorly time and time again, you never deserved that kind of treatment to begin with!

let them go. leave. free yourself from the constant heartbreak, betrayal, and pain. you’ll lose yourself if you stay, and i know that you’re trying to find a better version of yourself, so if you stay you’ll never find that person. you’ll keep getting lost and you’ll keep getting further and further away from your own happiness that you do deserve.

“but how do i leave?”

if we’re talking toxic friends: distance yourself. put distance between you and them until you’re too far away for them to reach. keep conversations short, keep responses to a minimum until you eventually have gone so far that they can’t find you anymore.

or simply: cut them off, immediately. block them on everything. instagram, twitter, tiktok— all social media. block their number. block them out of your life for good. they don’t deserve to see you, to hear from you, to have the chance to try and speak to you; they do not deserve you.

if we’re talking romantic relationships: send them a message. whether it’s a letter you send to their house or even through a text, send them a message. if you do it through text, do not feel any remorse for doing so. there’s this whole idea of “if you break up with them over text, you’re a coward”, and in most cases i can see that to be true, but if you’re in a relationship where your partner does not value you, respect you, or even love you the way you’re meant to be loved then they don’t even deserve the courtesy of an in-person break up.

sometimes we’re put in situations where even sending a message may seem impossible because our partner has taken too much control over us. when this kind of situation happens, we have to put our foot down. if you feel like you have no control, even over yourself, you need to leave. you have to do whatever it takes to leave because you should never, and i mean never, be put in any kind of situation or relationship where you feel like you have no control over yourself. you should never stay in a relationship that makes you feel trapped or that makes you feel scared to leave. you are allowed to leave no matter what anyone says.

additional note: if you are ever put in a situation where you feel unsafe in a relationship, please reach out for help. whether it be your family, a friend, or even an authoritative figure, please reach out for help. you do not deserve to ever feel unsafe by someone who’s supposed to love you.

negative self-talk

most times we are our own worst enemy. there have been so many times where i’ve put myself down with extremely hurtful words— words i would never say to someone i loved. if i wouldn’t say those awful things to someone i cared about, why should i say them to myself? we need to let go of talking down on ourselves. the more we put ourselves down with hurtful words, the more we let our insecurities take over and eventually consume us.

we have to be kind to ourselves. at the end of each day, we only ever have ourselves. you need to always have your own back! talk to yourself like you would to someone you love! talk to yourself with love.

negative self-talk gives more energy to those who try to hurt us. the more energy we put into hurting ourselves, even more energy will put into those who feel like they have power over us. do you really want someone who puts you down feel like they have so much more power over you? no, right? then, please, use that energy to bring more confidence and power into yourself. the only person who should have power over you, is you. use your own power to bring yourself up, not bring yourself down.

“but it seems too hard, where do i start?”

applaud yourself for making achievements no matter how big or small! did you make your bed today? then congratulate yourself! did you get a promotion or raise at your job? then tell yourself how proud you are! it doesn’t matter what the achievement is, if you accomplished it then you deserve more than a pat on the back from yourself. always take pride in your work, always treat small wins as the biggest win of the day, always tell yourself that you are so proud of who you are becoming and what you’ve accomplished.

compliment your appearance, makeup, or outfit! maybe your skin’s been improving, so you should look in the mirror and say “hey, you have really beautiful skin!” or maybe you snapped a pic of the makeup look you just did, then you should say “wow, i’m really talented at doing my makeup! it turned out great!” or maybe you put together an outfit for your day, then you should say, “i made a really great choice in my clothes today! this looks so nice!”

treat yourself with kindness, care, respect, and love. you need to uplift yourself to feel like your best self! literally, just talk to yourself. look in the mirror and have a sweet conversation with yourself and just admire who you see in the reflection.

sometimes we have to fake it til we make it, and honestly? it works! even if you start out and you feel like you’re lying to yourself, still do it. do it until it finally starts to feel real and then keep doing it from that point forward.

feeling embarrassed

we live in a day and age where everything that anyone does is labeled as “cringe”, and it’s exhausting. now, people feel like they can’t be who they are without feeling like they’re being “cringe” or without feeling embarrassed for being themselves or taking part in things they enjoy.

you should never feel embarrassed for being who you want to be or for enjoying things that genuinely make you happy. let go of feeling embarrassed! you are allowed to have fun and be happy being yourself. don’t ever let anyone make you feel like you can’t.

i always like to think, “well, if someone thinks i’m ‘cringe’ then they must not know how to have fun with their own life!” because that’s more than likely the truth! people will feel threatened by those who exude confidence in what they enjoy and who they are and those people will do anything to project their own insecurities onto others. it’s never anything you’re doing that’s wrong. what’s wrong is the fact that some people just can’t stand seeing others thrive. let yourself be someone that those haters can’t stand to see thrive.

i’ve said this before, and i’ll say it again, be unapologetically yourself.

ᥫ᭡. how to let go

letting go just means detaching yourself from the things/people that have held you down. it means to simply stop caring. i know i said “simply”, but of course it isn’t all that simple. this is something you have to work towards!

emotional detachment.

when you bring yourself the inability to attach your emotions to something or someone, you practice emotional detachment.

now, in some cases, emotional detachment may not be a good thing, but when you’re practicing or in the process of letting go it’s best to emotionally detach yourself from that thing or person.

acknowledge and reflect on your emotions! what do these things or people that you want to let go of make you feel? sadness? anger? frustration? grab a journal and write down all that you’re feeling. acknowledging and being aware that there are things/people who are making you feel a negative emotion is a great first step to emotional detachment. you’re being made aware of your feelings, thoughts, and emotions that are a result of the things/people you want to let go of— and that’s a good thing! it allows you to see how you’re still attached and helps you think “well, i don’t want to feel this way anymore” and will begin the next thought process of how you will start letting go of those particular feelings.

set boundaries! now that you’re aware of how these things/people make you feel, you can start setting boundaries for yourself. with people, like i mentioned earlier, you can create distance or even block them. of course, you can always try to set a boundary with that person, but remember: if they cross your boundary and continue to cross it, let them go. you put these boundaries in place and whoever it is that you are setting boundaries with needs to respect them just as they would want you to respect any of theirs. when it comes to setting personal boundaries for things like the ones i mentioned above, it’s the same idea of cutting off what makes you act on that negative self-talk or gives you that feeling of embarrassment. blocking hateful people on social media, unfollowing accounts that don’t make you feel good about yourself, and/or taking a break from social media and making more time for yourself in the real world.

focus on self care & yourself! after you’ve set some boundaries, whether it was with yourself or with others, start putting in more time focused on you. focus on things and people that genuinely make you happy, consume content that makes you feel good whether in general or makes you feel good about yourself, and practice self care! as i said in the beginning, you are always your number one priority. your happiness, your peace, and you overall should always come first in your own life.

ᥫ᭡. final notes

this is “the art of letting go” and art is always something you have to practice so that you get better at it! take your time and be patient with yourself. letting go isn’t an uphill battle, there’s going to a lot of ups and downs and feelings of uncertainty or even anxiety and fear, but i know you can do it! i know there isn’t a single thing that you can’t accomplish for yourself! you are capable of change and you are more than capable of becoming a a better version of yourself for yourself.

with lots of love, juno 🌷

[kyunniebuns]

˗ˏˋ Jinwoo x Artist! Fem! Reader: Drabbles ◛⑅·˚ ༘ ♡ ˎˊ˗

ₓ˚. ୭ ˚○◦˚𝕊𝕦𝕟𝕘 𝕁𝕚𝕟𝕨𝕠𝕠˚◦○˚ ୧ .˚ₓ

・┆✦ Entry : 035 ✦ ┆・

[ Self-Deprecation, Cheesy Hs Love, mentions of bullying, Kyunnie making a fic for herself, Fluff Ending ]

╰┈➤ ❝ [ Admiration ] ¡! ❞

After the past years of schoolyears, you swore to never again make friends or even try anything to get attention on yourself. The plan for the remaining years is to just disappear like a ghost.

Not again, you wont open your heart, you will never let anyone in.

You wont go through another betrayal, you wont get picked on again, you wont ever let anyone hurt your heart anymore.

But ah, the way your heart stopped when you saw a tall guy with dashing ebony locks, his lazy grey eyes, a sharp angled jawline as if carved out by god's hands and a physique so perfect he might as well drop off of highschool and become an idol.

He felt your gaze from the other side of the classroom and his grey eyes would sweep towards yours— Instinctively making you avert your gaze from him.

Your heart is racing, it's suffocating, it doesn't feel pleasant.

It doesn't feel pleasant.

It does not.

So like a little a coward, you purposely started avoiding Jinwoo. You never try to meet his gaze, nor have you ever tried to be next to you.

The feeling in your heart is just so unpleasant. You don't know why, but Jinwoo's presence is making your heart race.

You thought it was just anxiety really, but secretly you studied Jinwoo's face when he wasn't looking.

Look down on the paper on your desk,

And start sketching.

You really don't know why you're doing this, perhaps it is to figure out just why he makes your heart race so much, to figure out why he just seems so... Different in a way.

Is it the way he talks? The way he carries himself? The way he seems just so... Unique?

What is it really? What makes him so different?

How can he make your heart squeeze itself like it felt like you're dying? How can he make you so fidgety even just bypassing by him?

You memorized the way his hair behaves, the way his clothes move along with him, the way his alluring grey eyes seemed to have a language of their own.

A language that makes you feel so lightheaded.

⋅ ˚ ₊ ‧ ଳ ‧ ₊ ˚ ⋅ ⋆ ౨ৎ ˚ ⟡ ˖ ࣪

Jinwoo had always known your little gaze on him, and he grew curious about it. You're always hovering somewhere near him, but not too near. When he comes close even by just 20 steps— You scramble and run away like a kitten.

Cute.

Just like he was in your eyes, you were in his.

Not romantically, at least, not yet.

He heard small rumours about you here and there, how you were bullied in the previous years. Jinwoo couldn't get the details, and though he can in a heartbeat— He chose not to pry into your private life.

You weren't attempting to stalk him on that level, so he wont neither.

He'll let you hang around him, you're a harmless little kitten who doesn't meow after all.

It's no big deal.

⋅ ˚ ₊ ‧ ଳ ‧ ₊ ˚ ⋅ ⋆ ౨ৎ ˚ ⟡ ˖ ࣪

"You ready, hyung?" His teammate says as they all prepare on the trakcs for their daily training.

"Of course" Jinwoo hums.

Truthfully, he's bored, deathly bored.

When everyone thinks he is running like a damn road runner; he feels as if he is going on a walk.

Not even a jog.

A damn walk.

But he has to.

He passes by you and like a cliche, romance novel— The wind blows towards your hair and your strands toussle while your eyes are just focused on the journal in front of you.

Charming.

It was absolutely charming, you looked like you didn't belong here.

Jinwoo though in that split second that you should be in front of a canvas instead, inside of an atelier wearing an apron with a palette on your hand.

He momentarily looses his focus before hearing his teammates running behind him and he snaps back to it.

⋅ ˚ ₊ ‧ ଳ ‧ ₊ ˚ ⋅ ⋆ ౨ৎ ˚ ⟡ ˖ ࣪

Page after Page after Page.

All of the pages are just full of him, only him.

Only Jinwoo.

It was only until you counted fifty pages of just Jinwoo that you realize that you in fact, are in love with him.

But why though?

Of all the cute guys and older oppas in the school— You're specifically attracted to Jinwoo?

There's just something... Magical about him. You've always love the prettier and mystical things, you love to live in a dream.

Perhaps its a coping mechanism you developed after all the bullying and mocking you went through in your previous years.

Reality is a sad, sad place.

It's dark and gloomy, the only pretty place sin this twisted hell are the flowers growing in the cracks.

The thought of having feelings for Jinwoo honestly brought a shiver down your spine. After all, you swore to never open your heart and let someone in.

But somehow, that tiny, tiny little box in your heart had Jinwoo containing it.

It's alright.

It'll past. It's just another little crush. Another infatuation.

This is normal, you're a teenaged girl.

But god, days turned into weeks.

And each time you would fall for him more and more.

It's torture, you don't know how to voice out your feelings. You don't know how to keep this overwhelming endearment under lock and key.

Isn't this supposed to be just a little crush?

If so, how come your control over yourself is slipping? Is this even infatuation at this point?

If its not infatuation, then what is it?

With a pen and paper in hand, you started jotting down stuff.

Mind as well make a little love letter.

Cheesy? Of course.

But it's going to be anonymous so surely it's fine.

Maybe if you do this, your feelings will be gone if you see him throw the letter away.

Crumple.

Crumple.

Crumple.

The sound of crumpled papers filled your room for the whole night.

You have to make the perfect love letter

You need to make the perfect love letter.

⋅ ˚ ₊ ‧ ଳ ‧ ₊ ˚ ⋅ ⋆ ౨ৎ ˚ ⟡ ˖ ࣪

You were going to sneak up into the classroom in wee early hours of school. Jinwoo is an early bird in school, soyou had to be even earlier.

As you shuffled around in your feet, you instinctively hid behind the bushes.

You can hear Jinwoo's voice.

And another girl's voice.

You swear its him, you were eavesdropping but the words werent registering.

The only thing you are realizing is that Jinwoo has... A gentler tone. His voice isnt bored. Not lazy, just... A little soft.

You had always been very focused on voices, you managed to pick up on even the slight shift on tones because it was your way to dtermine if people are fooling you or mocking you passive-agressively.

The more you listened, the more you felt hopeless.

It was then you realized Jinwoo must have some thing with another girl.

And you honestly... Felt awful, you felt terrible.

Because how dare you make a love letter to someone else's man?

How dare you like someone's man?

How dare you?

No wonder you are all alone, no wonder you are betrayed by your friends, no wonder you were bullied.

You're a fucking freak.

Jinwoo's affections will never be yours, it will never be bestowed upon your pitiful soul.

You're ugly, you're a worthless, piece of shit that is unloved.

So knock it off already, bastard.

So carefully you crawl away, making sure not to step on any leaves or make any rustle as you scurry away.

You then throw the carefully made envelop on the bin and go up the classroom.

while your lonely, sad letter in the bin— Faded into black shadows.

⋅ ˚ ₊ ‧ ଳ ‧ ₊ ˚ ⋅ ⋆ ౨ৎ ˚ ⟡ ˖ ࣪

"I'll pick you up after you club," Jinwoo said, ruffling his sister's head who whined in response.

"No, I will go out with my friends after for a crepe!" Jinah whines, stomping. "Oppa, knock it off!"

"Does mom know?" He inquires, amused at his sister's stubborness.

"Yeah, and so does dad!" Jinah beams. "Let me go, yeah?"

"Fine," Jinwoo rolls his eyes. "Don't come home after dark, if you do, call me"

Jinah would only pout, but nods her head as her brother shooed her away.

Jinwoo would watch his sister go to the nearby middle school, smiling softly as Jinah sees her friends and runs to her friends.

"My king," Beru's tiny little head appears beside him, "My liege's muse has thrown a letter"

"Hm?" He perks up in curiousity, holding his hand up to receive the discarded letter. "Huh. How cute."

Jinwoo hummed, turning the envelope over to admire the intricately designed envelope that was a scrapbook paper folded so expertly.

He then opens the thing carefully, to which Jinwoo felt like he was opening a letter from hundreds of years ago because it had a wax seal on it.

Instantly, a refreshing scent would waft through his nose.

It was your scent.

Not that you sprayed the paper with cologne, it's just that Jinwoo has a bloodhound nose and can pick up your scent anywhere.

Carefully, he unfolds the paper that was written in classic cursive.

My dear, sweet star I wonder which dream you have come from How so do you capture my heart with no effort? I can never know, I would never find out My heart aches for you, It is painful and unpleasant But also not so painful You're like a delicate twinkling thing on my dark night sky So close and yet so far You are of another world from Of another reality But how is it that my heart yearns for yours? Your grey eyes akin to a benevolent god's gaze, I find myself lost in them, And in those grey eyes I beg to be drowned in, The abyss I will willingly throw myself into May I love you? May I be allowed to hold these feelings for you? My dear beloved star, May I be selfish just this once and keep you in the small box in my heart? In this world full of madness and woe, Your gentle, sweet and pleasant presence gives me mercy Perhaps you are an angel Or a fleeting snowflake passing by O dear, beloved star Linger in my gaze a little while longer Live in my life for just a bit more Let me love you for quite a bit more

Underneath the poem was a sketch of Jinwoo, a delicately made one. The hunter's face was red to the very tip of his ears. He has never once received a love letter, okay maybe he did when he was in the future but not at this age and with this much effort. It even had a little artwork of him and it made Jinwoo bashful like he is an actual teenage boy.

"God..." Jinwoo groans, scratching the back of his nape as he felt... So fluffy. "You're so cute it's driving me mad"

He continues to sigh, pinching the bridge of his nose.

It's obvious you're going to continue avoiding him for quite a while. Between you and him, he was the man.

And what is a man to do?

He does the pursuing.

With a deep sigh and a rosy hue on his cheeks as looks up at the sky;

"Your star? Sure." He smiles as the wind blows in his direction. "If I'm your star, you'll be my goddess."

꒰ A/N: I'm so sorry for being selfish I just cant help myself xDDD!!! I havent written in so long so this is very clumsy and terrible srry guys hahahah!!! But man,,,, I lovee my woowoo so much<33 ꒱

ʚ(੭´͈ ᐜ `͈)੭ .｡✧･ﾟ: ~♡ —! stories written by kyunnie; translations, reposts, plagiarism are strictly forbidden.

[glasvera]

...Shame on Me

Loki x GN!Reader

Description: The final part, preceded by Fool Me Once... , ...Shame on You , and Fool Me Twice...

You've been sent on a covert mission to distract the God of Mischief himself long enough to foil his plans. Unfortunately, this task becomes much harder when your target proves incredibly disarming.

Warnings/Disclaimers: Angst, reader starts out bound in chains, forbidden love. Gender neutral reader, reader is an expert in covert operations and deception.

A/N: Yeah I uh... ouchie. My heart hurt writing this. Apologies if the ending is a bit abrupt, but I didn't know how to continue it further without branching it off into a good/bad ending sort of thing.

Word Count: 1.6k

“This could have been so much easier for you…”

You flash awake with a start, your head snapping around the room you find yourself in. It’s… Loki’s. You’re in Loki’s room, and evidently you’d been sleeping on his bed. A throbbing pain starts in your head, and you bring a hand up to hold it as you shield your eyes from the daylight filtering through his window, but the movement is accompanied by the rattling of chain links.

“What…?” You stare down at the metal cuff clasped about your wrist, following its chain all the way down to where it’s bolted into the floor. An experimental tug of your other hand confirms that  you’ve been restrained on both sides. Panic gnaws at the edges of your mind, but years of practice allows you to steel yourself against it, even if you can’t stop your hands from trembling slightly.

The click of heeled boots approaches from the hallway outside. Every muscle in your body tenses, but you know you need to stay calm. No sense in making your situation worse before you’ve been able to make a proper escape plan. As you expected, Loki appears from behind the door, clad in his full regalia, and he eyes you with disdain.

“Ah… the bird awakens in its gilded cage,” he notes idly as he removes his golden horned helm. He’s expecting a reaction, so instead you draw your lips into a thin line, denying him the satisfaction. That disappoints him greatly.

“I could have killed you, you know,” he remarks as he draws closer. His arms are tucked behind his back, and your eyes watch for any twitch of muscle in the event that he’s hiding some sort of weapon there.

You take the bait on his banter though, morbidly intrigued by this god’s intentions. “Why haven’t you, then? I thought you weren’t a coward,” you spit.

He curls his lip into a snarl before inhaling deeply and composing himself. Leaning forward, he harshly grips your chin between his fingers, forcing you to look at him. “I’m not,” he corrects you, his voice dripping with venom. “Besides, you are of more use to me alive than dead.”

You stare defiantly into those emerald eyes. He may be the master of lies and deception, but you detect a faint veneer of regret amidst the frustration that flares within him. Likely regret that he hadn’t chained you up sooner, you think. When he releases his hold, pushing your face to the side as he does so, your head spins with a myriad of emotions.

There is regret within you as well. Your defiance, your anger, is ignited by raw betrayal.

“Your friends have been detained,” he speaks suddenly, and you’re broken out of your thoughts as you feel dread crawling into your chest. He’s facing away from you now, his arms still clasped behind his back, and gazes out at Yggsgard from the window. Your mission, your whole reason for being here… had he seen through it all? As though he could read your mind, he tuts at you, eyeing you over his shoulder. “Really, did you think you could weasel your way into my palace so easily? You are lovely to look at, but clearly you’re not very bright.”

You have no response, hanging your head low and cursing yourself for not realizing it sooner. Not only had he seen through your every move--you were the very reason this mission had failed. You had let your guard down without realizing it.

“I… they’re still alive?” you finally ask.

Loki sighs, seemingly irritated by the question. “I am a trickster, not a murderer. I have no reason to kill them, so they live.” He explains it to you like it’s a concept that even a five year old should understand. It’s condescending, infuriating, and you grit your teeth to suppress every biting retort that bubbles in the back of your throat.

“We are still to be wed,” he states methodically, clearly ready to move on from the subject.

“And do your subjects know you have your spouse-to-be chained to your bed?”

To your surprise, he winces at that, turning to face you properly. “I had to take precautions. The illusion was slipping faster than I had anticipated. You seem to be too perceptive for your own good.”

You snort. “Comes with the job territory.”

A low, sinking feeling settles into the pit of your stomach as realization washes over you. You are to be wed. In your moment of clarity, you tried desperately to break free, to say no and get as far away from this dangerous man as possible while you had the chance. That wasn’t even the worst part. Had you been in your right mind, had you been with him longer under different circumstances… you very well may have said yes of your own accord. 

“It was all a lie…” you breathe softly, huffing a laugh at yourself. “I don’t know why I expected anything else. Illusions, trickery, false love…” Tears prick at the corners of your eyes.

Loki’s eyes find the marble floors before he shuts them. “Love is not something I am allowed. And the heart is so easily toyed with.” Where there should be malice in his tone, you only hear bittersweet melancholy. 

At every turn, this man seeks to confuse you, to wrench your heart from your chest and stomp it down into the earth. And at every turn you’ve allowed him to fool you again and again. You hiss through your teeth, willing the tears not to fall. Shame knots in your gut, squeezing your organs like a vice, and your bottom lip trembles.

“You should have killed me,” you utter in a shaky whisper. Your hands ball into fists where they rest atop your knees. “If there is any kindness in you, you would kill me instead of subjecting me to this.”

“I… cannot,” he replies, unable to look at you.

It fills you with unbridled rage. Calming your emotions is long forgotten as your nails dig painfully into your palms and your knuckles go white. “Why not!? Is this all a part of your sick plan? Does marrying me give you leverage against--”

“I WON’T!” he bellows suddenly, baring his teeth when his face snaps towards you. It startles you to silence, and your eyes widen as you frown and your brow furrows. The tension slowly fades from his body, his shoulders slouched as he regards you with misty eyes. “I… I won’t. I can’t. Not you.”

No. This is another trick. Even if every fiber of your being begs for it to be real, you can’t allow him to snake his way into your heart again. It hurts, and you can’t stop the tears that fall, but you can stand up to it this time.

“You tell me you cannot love, and then you expect me to believe that you won’t kill me simply because you can’t bring yourself to?” you retaliate with disdain.

“You… you have every right,” he relents, and that does catch you off-guard. “In another life, perhaps I…” He cuts himself off, turning on his heel and walking away from the bed. With a snap of his fingers, the metal cuffs on your wrists unclasp, falling to the silken bed sheets as you stare down at your wrists in shock.

He was the most confusing man you’d ever met. Perhaps the most tragic as well. It should be pathetic to see him look so wounded, but you only have one question on your mind.

So, as he stalks off towards the door to leave, you launch yourself from the bed. He doesn’t move, simply stopping in his tracks as he continues to face away. You don’t have time to think about how odd that is or why he does it. No, you just need to know. Your hand finds his shoulder and spins him around to face you. You have to know. His eyes widen when your fingers cup his cheek gingerly. When you pull him in for a kiss, you can taste the lingering salt of his tears. 

But you had to know if it was real.

Any part of it. Illusions or no, your feelings still ran true even with a clear mind. Still, he had admitted that the heart was so easy to toy with.

So why did it sound like he was talking about himself?

Your answer comes with a sob, a broken breath whispered against your lips, as his hands rise to cradle the back of your head. The warmth of fresh tears dampens your palm. His fingers claw into the back of your scalp as his lips press deeper, needier, craving the warmth and safety of your kiss. Your arm wraps around his neck to keep him close, and you feel the tears falling down your own face.

This was forbidden. To stay with him was to be an accomplice to the atrocities he’s committed to secure his reign. Even if this mission had failed, you knew he had to be thwarted, and you knew you had to be a part of it. When your lips part and your eyes meet his, you can see that same conflict brewing behind verdant green irises. Your fingertips run soothingly along his cheekbone, and his eyes flutter closed as he swallows back another sob.

“You have to leave,” he finally whispers, the words torturous upon his lips when his eyelids flicker open. His forehead presses against yours, and his hands come to rest gingerly on either side of your face. “I cannot bring myself to cage you.”

“Tomorrow, then,” you murmur with a bittersweet smile. “I would stay with you tonight, at least.”

[angstigone]

(A/N): hello there, lovelies!

this is my valentine's day gift for @akifordessert!

thank you for listening to my silly talks and encouraging my writing, it means the whole world to me and I had to put somehwere all the new knowledge about nagumo that we got.

WARNINGS: 18+ minors/ageless blogs don't interact, very selfship-based, oral sex (f receiving), fingering, vaginal sex implied/referenced, dub-con (they are both a bit wasted, but also this has been building up for a long time), implied/referenced trauma/murder/gore/survival guilt, relationship angst and commitment issues, manga spoilers, set in an au where they get some rest.

the bottle had been a bad idea from the get-go.

still, it'd have been rude to be invited to your friend's penthouse with empty hands, especially when you were celebrating something big, like the jaa finally being debunked and his reinstatement into the order.

well, there had been a lot that had gone through the months and hence the moment that you had received a message on your phone from an unknown number with a familiar code to decypher, you had been well aware that you couldn't say no.

still, you could have not bought the wine bottle.

a whole wine bottle.

you weren't exactly a lightweight, and drinking and eating always ensured that you'd get at best a positive buzz which made you slightly more sociable than usual.

assassins were trained to handle alcohol in quantity and to recognize their own limits, although there was only so much that could be done with somebody's metabolism.

as in the case of nagumo.

your glass wasn't ever empty and neither was his as he kept on pouring while each recounted the current state of affairs you were working on.

"... should have seen shishiba's ugly mug when he saw me again"

the first sign that the night had gone too far should have been the way that nagumo took the occasion to lightly come closer to him while he slurred the comment.

"... I think he's still butthurt about that one time when they gave us chase and you kicked osaragi's ass while I was doing the same to him".

"can't blame him, although I think it's more that he just really can't stand you".

still, the buzz had felt good and nagumo's added warmth after years of having denied it to yourself was as intoxicating as the liquid that kept being poured into your glass.

"... surprised they let you join again. especially after you... let me think... tried to kill a few of its members...".

"you were with me onto that!" he protested cheekily, and lightly making his glass overflow onto the floor although neight of you seemed to care.

"... oh and you also threatened the same man who recluted you, didn't you".

"yotsumura hasn't gone that far to hold a grudge because of such a silly thing" nagumo exclaimed, as he downed the liquid in his glass in one shot, making you giggle at the childish display.

"hey, pace yourself!" you shot back, grabbing the glass from his hand and trying to ignore the way your hand lightly itched where you had touched, inevitably a sign that it had been too long "... or you'll throw up and I am not your cleaning lady".

"yeah, she's actually nice to me".

"because you pay her!".

he was far too gone, to try such cheap tricks; comments onto your meanness hadn't ever worked onto you, especially after graduation. there was so much more that he could have used to hurt you: betrayers, double-faced and especially a personal favorite, coward.

«you have grown quiet» hadn't you? «... should I put some music? or do you want me to fill your glass».

«no to both or we'll get an headache» another glass and you'd effectively border onto uncharted territories, especially when nagumo looked like he was far past them although still himself deep down.

and yet, the way he was slightly slouching, with his hair falling down his face.

there had been a time throughout the mess that had come before this peace that you had been so close to tell him what you had felt for him.

that despite the bet on your feelings back at jcc, you still loved him and hadn't changed your mind even though you had been horrible to him while working.

"it was all an act, but somehow I know you could see right through it".

«you ain't funny» he shot back, moving to push back, probably to do either of his proposed activities as he regularly disregarded your desires. probably because he knew you better.

you went to stop him out of habit, but as he turned to you, you only then realized how close you were.

how you could see the subtle way in which his eyelashes flustered and his eyes dipped to your lips for but a moment.

sober nagumo wouldn't have done it.

or he'd have but not in the almost dorky way in which he rushed your gaze back to you, scared to be caught.

you had a protest right at the tip of your tongue and yet held back.

something was more urgent as your hand went to thread softly into nagumo's hair and before you knew it, you were pushing him closer to you, till your lips clashed into an awkward kiss, as your dizzy brain hadn't properly valued the measure of distance.

you found yourself kissing his upper lip more than his mouth, and the slight space between his nose and mouth, in an awkwardness that hadn't been there even on your first kiss, which had been coincidentally with the same person whose mouth you were slobbering.

when shame got to you and you moved to detach yourself from him, still, nagumo brought you closer.

he whined, like a puppy, pawing at your shoulders and adjusting for you your heights as he went to straight up lick into your mouth with even less coordination than you. the result: your lower lip felt humid and you chased after him finally meeting in the middle.

his hands went from your stiff shoulders onto your back in matters of minutes while your own pulled onto his hair, fisting it enough that you didn't know why it didn't hurt.

it was clumsy as you made out like two hot teenagers at their first fondling session, and yet, as unrefined as it was you found yourself quickly moving your hands lower as nagumo's own slipped underneath your dress - of course, you had worn a fucking dress, thinking that it only fit the rich aesthetic he gave off.

you hadn't thought at all about the easy access it gave him, as he stroked gently over your panties.

«... wet...» he mumbled against your hips, pushing out his tongue as he licked against your cheek, no better than an overexcited puppy and somehow the sight felt endearing.

especially with one of his hand creating friction between your thighs

«... fuck, I missed... I missed feeling you get wet against my fingers».

«you are drunk» it was important to reinstate that, if not for him, for yourself; what were you even doing crawling into bed with the man that you had been loving since you were eighteen, drunk and ditzy? «... you are seeing... seeing things».

«no, no... I... it isn't... seeing» he giggled cutely and you hadn't thought that it'd ever come back, the slight openness of eighteen and not yet, being tainted by your respective sins «... I can... fuck... you feel exactly as you used to do. you feel like in my fucking dreams».

had he dreamed about this?

about the moment that you'd clutch your thighs against his hand not to make him leave you, although your mouth said the opposite.

in vino veritas or some shit like that and if your mouth was too sober yet, your body didn't share the same curtesy.

and maybe that's why although you knew this was wrong - you were ditzy at best, old enough to consent and definitely the tension had been brewing for years at his point - you let nagumo push you down on your back, splaying your messy hair on the floor, cold marble, enough to make you giggle.

"... you have an expensive house and the place where you first fuck me since we got back, is your floor?" you teased, catching a glimpse of something almost genuine in his displeasure with himself as if he had thought that your comment had been serious.

«come» he said, as he got off you, making you inevitably whine at the loss, although you didn't know whether it was the loss of his warmth or the fact that you felt extremely clingy due to the alcohol.

read as in you had missed him, so tantanizingly much.

normalcy wasn't even close to a concept for what could happen between you; neither of you would ever come close to quit your job anytime soon and you wondered whether a family was even in the works, as it felt presumptous to think that a simple drunk fuck might be enough to restablish a relationship between the two of you.

although you did follow him - you'd be awful to have your host stumble through his mansion - as he led you to his bedroom; similarly to the rest of the place it was expensively impersonal and yet, you didn't see much because the moment that the door was closed, you were slammed against it.

nagumo had, at least, the decency to cushion your head clumsily with an head before he resumed the series of sloppy kisses, moving downwards your body as his hands fiddled with pulling the skirt of your dress up, exposing yourself to his huge black eyes.

for once you were thankful of the alcohol, as in any other state, you wouldn't have been able to hold the sight of his eyes as he slowly slid your panties - one leg and then another, strangely patient for a drunk guy - before he left them on the floor, looking back at your heated core.

he didn't do much for enough time that you thought it was done, he'd be soon asleep in the alcohol haze.

instead, he dived forward enough that hadn't you had the door behind your back, you'd have stumbled backwards.

hands dug into your thighs to keep you in place, as a clumsy tongue tried to spread your foldes while his nose inevitably bumped into your engorged clit; oh fuck, if your knees hadn't doubeld over before, they certainly did now, as one of your fingers dug into the wood of the door as if you could leave marks.

«sl... slow, nagumo» you plead and ordered at the same time, unsure of whether you should make this quit for both of your sakes but holding yourself back «... it's been... it's been a while».

«good» he sounded so self-satisfied, with his face shiny from your juices «... I fucking want you to come to me, for this. only me».

«pres...» your voice cracked pathetically as he adjusted his positioning and dug his tongue into you while his thumb went to flick your clit.

it was too much as you hadn't been lying when you said it had been a long time since your orgasms hadn't been hand-delivered by yours truly, but you simply took it.

«... ump... presumpt... fuck, right there».

whatever he blubbered against your sticky folds was probably a comeback to your patheticness. to the fact that even in your alcohol haze, you surrendered to him.

the bottle of wine had been a terrible idea and yet, you found yourself not regretting it one bit.

---

coming back home to nagumo always felt like being greeted by an overexcited puppy that had grown overnight and hadn't yet gotten used to his measures.

«... eggs! eggs!» you screeched, holding the groceries bags away from him as he smashed himself against you wholly, pressing your chests impossibly closer as if he wished for you to become one, which wouldn't have been surprising «... and I was gone for two hours at max!».

«bed felt cold and you left a note» he simply muttered back, nosing his way through your neck and after weeks of enduring this, you had an inkling that it might be because he was trying to sniff any male cologne, although you usually just went to the daily farmers' market nearby.

as nagumo wasn't a morning person - and neither were you - you usually took advantage of his sleeping pattern to get a few rounds done by the time he'd wake up.

usually this would entail grocery shopping, checking a few stuff for work - although both you and nagumo were supposedly off - and restock on stuff you couldn't have gotten to through the week.

a silly deal between you and nagumo was that you'd use one of the two days of the weekend to do something productive, instead of lazying around his bed as he wished; the other, you'd do that till he got bored. or hungry which was more likely.

the newfound routine felt at times constricting and far too domestic and there were times when you'd be walking around the farmers' market and wonder whether you did deserve it.

whether the blood on your hands would ever taint what you were building.

thankfully, being smashed into your boyfriend's - self-appointed - tits felt quite grounding in that department.

«... yeah, yeah, but you know that each saturday I have my routine» it was the last signature of singlehood that she mantained although not many approached you due to the ring on your left hand.

a huge rock that got you oftentimes worried that somebody might have the brilliant idea to mug you.

and you'd have to beat somebody for it which felt like unnecessary paperwork.

«now, I have to shower and then I can join you back in bed till lunch time».

«mmh» her muttered appreciatively, although his kisses were definitely anything but, as they dragged hot and heavy against your exposed collarbones, making you flustered as you lightly started slapping his back to be released.

«no, you can't join me in my shower» you shot down the unspoken question, hearing an hiss and a whine.

did you mention that you boyfriend - wait, fiancé - was an overgrown puppy?

«... entertain yourself with the new sudoku magazine i got you».

at that he was off you, making you almost chuckle at his antics as he went - almost childishly - to reach for the bags in your hands, digging his hands to grab at what you had promised and giving you the chance to look at him; nagumo was always pretty in a way that got you to genuinely want to chew down onto something but him... in the morning... with you?

devastatingly gorgeous.

messy hair, eyeabgs that were going away and geeking out like a nerd for his silly sudoku game.

hhm, although your favorite look on him had to definitely be his drunken gaze when he finally slotted himself inside of you again, a few months ago. when he had looked up at you while you tried to control yourself from tightening around him, not wishing to give him the upperhand.

it had all been useless, because the moment that your eyes met he had uttered.

"fuck, I am never leaving you, again" and that had been it.

«so, you do love me!».

you were taken aback by your horny thoughts, when again a pair of arms was carelessly thrown at your neck, although with far more intensity than before; this was meant to annoy you as he nuzzled his nose into your collarbone.

«ahhh, you do like me! you like me so much that you remember what I like! and...!».

«... and that's enough» you pushed me lightly; you knew that nagumo had better reflexes than that and he could have easily enveloped you again, but you guessed being in a relationship required bargaining: you agreed to sleep into his bed till lunch time and let you handle your stuff in peace «... you get an headstart but don't think that I won't finish my crosswords first, alright?».

«that's because you cheat» he said with a soft smile, moving to turn towards the bedroom «... look up the words while I am asleep».

«if somebody wasn't a huge big baby...» you teased genuinely, simply receiving a clear glare although even that didn't feel threatening in the slightest. and even if it did, it was in a good way.

as of lately everything felt ... threatening, but in a good way.

[rollinouttahere-writes]

stupid lil idea popped up.. darling manipulating someone like Ace or Sanji into thinking they love em so much…….. only to wound up being the biggest betrayal and before they know it, their darling is gone and they go fucking insane…………

Ace absolutely loses it and trashes your shared room in a fit of blind rage. It feels like you've confirmed every negative thought he's ever struggled with. He must be the most awful, disgusting monster if you could do this to him. But if he's already a monster... maybe he should start to act like one.

He's going to find you, and you're going to feel like you're dealing with an entirely different person. Gone is the smiley and delusional Ace, and now you're trapped with a much more cynical and aggressive version. His hand holding feels much more like being shackled now, and he's very openly dubious of you and your intent. There are some lines that he still won't cross, though. Even after all of this, he could never bring himself to physically hurt you.

Sanji is destroyed. There is nothing that you could have done to hurt him more. He finally felt like he had found his one true love, and they stabbed him in the back. He largely blames himself and feels like you wouldn't have done this if he had been better. He becomes inconsolable. He can't function without you here.

You may think that this means you're safe. You would be incorrect. Sanji won't give chase, but his overprotective captain absolutely will. Luffy won't stand for anyone hurting his crew and then running away like a coward. Luffy is going to find you, and he's going to make you regret your actions. By the time he drags you back to the ship, you won't want to leave Sanji's side ever again.

[the-grimm-writer]

Request for something where your boyfriend owes Toman a lot of money he can't pay back so he offers you as collateral. Hanma doesn't know why seeing you devastated and heartbroken make him feel so many things. Taking you away from your scummy bf is just business. He needs to do something about his intense urge to love and protect you though so he gently non/dub-cons you while moaning possessive shit in your ear.

God I love Hanma so much he's my favorite red flag <333

Tw: dub-con, forced kissing, mentions of kidnapping and murder, fingering, fem reader

"Are you crying over him again?" Hanma asked you with a deep sigh, ignoring how you flinched when his hand with punishment inked on the front of it gently wiped away your tears. “How many times do I have to tell you he’s not worth your tears?” 

If you were anyone else, Hanma would've laughed, told you to suck it up. Yet the moment he brought you in he couldn’t bring himself to hurt you like he normally would. 

“I know,” you responded with a sniffle. “But I can’t help it. You can’t control who you love.”

"Maybe not," he agreed with a sigh. "But you can open up to someone else. Someone who won't betray you."

"I miss him." You protested.

"He's not going to come back," he said softly but kept his tone firm. "I had to make sure of that. Or else I would've had to kill you to."

The rule usually was to take out everyone involved. He always did, except for this time. Kisaki and the others would chew him out once they found out he spared you.

Not that he cared if he was being honest. They'd bitch about it until they needed him to take out the next person that decided to cross Toman.

Shuji sighed as more tears streamed down your puffy cheeks. Betrayal wasn't something he took lightly, so he gladly took the bastard out.

"Am I really such a monster that you can't bare give me a chance?" You were stiff as his strong arms wrapped around you and pulled you into his lap before you could rush to the other side of the bed.

He was one, and damn proud of it. There was a reason why he's been nicknamed the Reaper. In the world they lived in, he needed to be a monster in order to protect you. But he didn't want you to see him as just a monster.

Lifting your chin up, you shivered as you looked into his amber eyes. How cold they could be, you'd seen it when he broke down the door to the apartment you'd been sharing with your now ex-boyfriend.

His eyes nearly glowing with disdain as he silently watched as your boyfriend yelled out excuses he was tired of hearing. Until he grabbed you and threw you towards him.

Rage lit up inside him like a match as Shuji watched you hit the ground. What kind of coward would do that to his woman? He knew that he shouldn't talk, but there were lines even he wouldn't cross. He looked down at you as you shakily stood up, and instead of being mad at your boyfriend, you went up to him instead. It made his stomach bubble up with an urge he hadn't felt in a long time.

The urge to protect. Who else would since you wouldn't even protect yourself? Instead, you pleaded with him to let your worthless boyfriend go, that you'd do whatever he wanted as long as no harm was done to him.

He had agreed and waited for you to fall asleep that night in the safety of his home to finish his job. Then he gave everything that scumbag deserved. Which is what led up to this now.

For days he couldn't help but stare at you. He never laid a hand on you, yet you couldn't help but flinch still, knowing how dangerous the gangster was. And he wanted to wait until you were more comfortable, when you understood he wasn't like your ex, yet he couldn't hold himself back. He needed to prove himself to you.

Shuji could be cruel, bend you across his lap and spank you until you're crying and pleading that you'll do whatever he wants. Or he could chain you to the bed, overstimulate you until you're swearing you belong to him.

As much as the sadistic side of him jumped at the thought, he pushed it down. He wasn't young and irrational anymore.

He wanted to show you even evil men like himself had soft spots. His soft spot just so happened to be you.

"You know I wouldn't hurt you, (Y/n)." He said softly, running his hand up and down your inner thigh, his other hand on your waist to keep you in place.

"Shuji!" You gasped as his hand slipped under your panties, gently rubbing your entrance, pressing down against your clit. "I -"

You moaned, resting your head against his shoulder, making him smile, kissing the top of your head. "Such a good girl." He praised. "Let me take care of you."

When he felt that you were wet enough, he gently pushed his finger into you, testing the waters as he felt how tight you were around him. He pumped his finger into you before adding the other.

"See how much your body loves me?" He smiled as you whined when his fingers curled inside you, hitting spots you never could think of before. "All we need is that pretty head of yours to follow suit."

You couldn't help but moan as his fingers hit the spongy spot in your walls that made you clench around him in pleasure, using his thumb to rub your clit. He thrusted them into you, satisfied with your reactions.

"You're mine." He growled in your ear. "Now cum." He demanded as you cried out, jolting against him as you flooded his fingers with your juices as he continued to push his fingers into your cunt. He waited for a minute before pulling away, groaning in satisfaction as he licked his fingers clean.

Then he laid you down on the bed, pulling you into a kiss as he got on top of you, you could taste yourself on his lips. He could sense how nervous you were as he pulled off your clothes, your body still shaking from how intense he made you came, feeling his hard on brush against your thigh.

"Fuck." He looked at your body like it was a work of art. "I love you so much, (Y/n)."

Looking at him stand up to strip, you rubbed your wet thighs together. How easily the powerful executive could overpower you, hurt you, yet he stayed gentle as he could.

He kissed at your neck, gently biting and sucking as he parted your legs again so he could line himself up with you, cock already leaking with precum. He grabbed your breasts, squeezing and gently pinching your hard nipples and doing it again when you let out a pleasured gasp.

Pushing into you, he waited for you to adjust to his size before he kept going. Slowly sinking into you inch by inch. When he was finally in all the way he waited for a moment before he started to push in and out of you.

Watching you moan, he began to pick up his pace, being careful not to go too hard. He wasn't going to be rough just yet. You felt so good, your cunt squeezing him in as

"See how good I make you feel? My good girl." He smirked as he felt you clench around his length when he called you that. "You like that, huh baby?"

You nodded your head, gasping each time he pushed into you. He seemed to know your body so well already, your ex was never able to make scream with pleasure the way Hanma was able to.

Hesitantly, you wrapped your arms around him as his cock hit all your sensitive spots. Arching your back as the sounds of his skin smacking against your own filled the room.

"Love you so much." He grunted as he thrusted into you, excited to mark you as his and let you know that he was all yours as well. "Gonna mark you as mine."

You cried out his name as you came, pulling him closer to you as you felt him throbbing inside you. Your eyes nearly rolled to the back of your head as he quickly followed.

"Mine." He groaned into your ear again as he came inside you, flooding your walls as he shuddered. "All fucking mine."

[starlightshadowsworld]

Headcanon: Why Katai left the Agency.

It was fun when they were kids. You could even say it was cool.

Katai cowering in the back as Kunikuda lectured his bullies. Wrapping bruised knuckles and shaking his head with an amused smile because seriously man you didn’t think did you?

Kunikida had always had a heart bigger then he knew what to do with. He was always calling out injustice standing atop the canteen’s tables.

Katai would listen and make sure he didn’t accidentally step on their trays.

They were a team.

Back then the worse thing this could happen was suspension. Scolded by their parents until they could recite the words back at them.

Now Katai wonders if they had a point.

“If Kunikida jumped off a cliff would you jump too?”

Back then Katai would’ve looked at them strangely and nodded without a second thought.

Now he hesitated.

The bruised knuckles became broken bones. Smouldering clothes that no matter how well they were cleaned still smelled vaguely of smoke.

The calls out against injustice among other things neatly written in a green notebook. The “ideal” symbol seemed to follow Katai like another set of eyes.

His reason for anything and everything he did. It always had been but the stakes had never been so high.

And Katai couldn’t follow him anymore. Couldn’t stand idly by watching his best friend burn like a candle from both ends. To watch him throw his life away so casually.

And for what?! The benefit of others?! Katai wasn’t selfless. He knew that. He was fine with that. Saving people was nice but it wasn’t his life’s calling. He only joined because Kunikida asked it of him.

And Katai could never refuse him so he agreed.

Katai laughed because really nothing had changed had it? He was still the coward and Kunikida the brave hero. That’s who they were down to their core. It’s just that Katai in couldn’t stand to watch Kunikida destroy himself anymore.

“Quitting the Agency?! What are you saying?”

“Doppo…You’re going to die doing this. You’re going to die for those stupid ideals.”

“Stupid?!”

“And I know that there is nothing I can say to stop you from doing it. But I never in a million years imagined that I’d have to watch you get blown up. Or or that I’d have to wipe your gunshot blood off my clothes.”

He stared at him, begging.

“Someone is going to kill you. And I…I can’t do this.”

Kunikida’s eyes were alight with anger, hurt and maybe even betrayal. “Then leave!” It was the hurt talking and he’d regret it a second later.

But by that point Katai had walked out the doors never to return.

It’s not like he could ever refuse Kunikida.

[azes-silliness]

Wishing upon a dying star

Wanderer angst (gn reader x Wanderer)

Warnings: Reader died, (?) Suicidal thoughts, doubt, overall angst.

Tw: Gn reader x wanderer, canon story, not proofread.

An: based on the song Love like you by Steven Universe 💕 I saw an edit of it on the Wanderer and thought it might fit ✨ This is my first work please be nice to me 🫣

I thought I might be bad

The Wanderer was by no means a ‘good’ person. Everyone who roamed teyvat, even he knew that. From his Fatui background to every part of his wooden heart and limbs tied with strings did he ever consider himself pure, nor innocent.

But now I’m sure that it’s true.

Sure, he had scorned the world for all its worth and cursed the lands he despised, but now, looking at you, if he thought previously he was a monster, he now realized he must be a demon.

And your an angel.

‘Cause I think your so good

Your smile, your laugh and every fleeting touch felt like a gift from the archons he never had believed in. You were the epitome of perfection- you were everything good in his godforsaken world, basically. Why you chose him, he’d never know.

And I’m nothing like you

He really wished he could be like you, he really did. He wished he had the courage to walk up to you and say he loves you. He wished he was brave enough to hold your hand and never let go. He wished that he felt worthy of your presence in his life. He wished for a lot ever since meeting you. But wishing never got him anywhere, did it?

Look at you go

Wishing really never got him anything

He wished that his creator had loved him, he wished his friend would stay with him forever, he wished the child would have lived the life he hadn’t.

He wished he could spend eternity with you.

“Ha. How stupid. I should have never…”

Never what? Met you? Loved you? Cared for you?

No.

He should have never wanted to be more than what he was to you.

A cold, heartless puppet. 

I just adore you

Yes, Wanderer adored you. Even as your skin turned colder and colder in his hands, you were still the most bright thing in his world. 

Your so kind. You wouldn’t leave him, right? 

Please don’t.

Because deep in his heart he knew this wasn’t his fourth betrayal.

A betrayal is when someone else stabs your back and hurts you.

No, this time it was his fault.

This was your first betrayal he supposed. 

And it would be your last.

I wish I knew

There he was again, wishing for something he didn’t deserve, how frivolous. Disgusting. Something he expected of himself.

What makes you think I’m so special

If Wanderer looked back, he’d ask you why you loved him. He wasn’t special. Everything he did was failure, failure, failure.

He failed his creator

He failed his companion

He failed his friend

Now he failed you.

Really, he cursed this world. If it wanted to take everything away from him, it might as well kill him.

Coward.

Cowardly world.

Cowardly him.

Disgusting world.

Disgusting him.

Perfect, beautiful you.

I suppose you deserved to leave him and this world.

You must be somewhere better.

With someone better.

His mind could no longer accept any other possibility.

So please let this puppet live his delusions.

Guys did I do good for my first fan fic? I don’t know if anyone will read it but oh well ✨ I tried.

Ps: send me requests please send me requests 😭

[starogeorgina]

𝐆𝐡𝐨𝐬𝐭𝐬 𝐢𝐧 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐬𝐤𝐲

Paring: Aegon II Targaryen x reader

Warnings: None

Chapter: 1.01

“Rhaenyra!” You continue to rapidly bang your fist against the door leading into your elder sister's bedroom. “Rhaenyra, open this door right now!”

You hated her.

“You’re a fucking coward to hide from me!” You didn’t care that your language was unfit for a young lady, a princess; Rhaenyra had cut you deeply, and you wanted to make sure she knew it. “Unlock this door at once!”

You hated her.

“I would have never done this to you,” you sob. “I loved you, Rhaenyra, my big sister. We’re supposed to look out for each other, not... I would never do this. Not to you, never.”

You only stop banging on the door when your fist is pulled back by Ser Criston. “You need to stop before you hurt yourself, princess.”

You knew he was right, but it didn’t stop the anger that was radiating through you. Not only has Rhaenyra humiliated you by sleeping with your husband, she has also given birth to his sons. Three of them. Something you were never even given the chance to do. Your brain comes to a heartbreaking realization, one that makes you want to scream as soon as you think about it. Rhaenyra doesn’t care about you and never did. You feel your knees start to weaken, and your stomach drops. The knight whispers, “I know you’re hurting, princess, but they aren’t worthy of your tears.”

You take a deep breath and wipe your fallen tears away, knowing that he was right. “Thank you, Ser Criston.”

“The queen heard about what happened and would like for you to join her in her quarters. She wishes to offer you her comfort.”

You blink away the tears, your vision becoming more clear, and when it does, you see your husband standing down at the opposite end of the hallway. No doubt he was coming to see her. He was staring at you, looking worried. You feel your heart harden, not wanting to give him or her the satisfaction of seeing you hurt. You push back the sob, desperately wanting to escape your throat. “Ser Criston, do you mind escorting me to the queen's chambers?”

“Of course, princess.”

—

“How could she betray me in such a way?”

Alicent wraps her around your shoulder; she seems genuinely concerned about you. You had managed to maintain a smidgen of your dignity by holding your head high as you walked through the castle, ignoring all the side-eye glances and whispers going on around you. One of Alicent’s ladies-in-waiting brings in a tray of tea that’s supposed to help calm nerves.

“Prin-”

“Y/N,” you correct with a weak smile.

Lord Strong nods, “Y/N, I am ashamed to admit that rumors of my brother's betrayal had reached me long ago, but I assumed there was no truth to it. It wasn’t until I learned about the incident in the training yard this morning that I came to realize it was true.”

You had spent the last year defending Rhaenyra and Harwin, insisting that Jacaerys and Lucerys weren’t fathered by your husband before you were married. Because of your age, you had yet to lay with Harwin, and you thought if he was going to stray, it would be in the streets of silk, not with your own flesh and blood.

“She swore to me in our mothers names that they were Ser Lenors true-born sons. How could I have been so foolish?”

“You aren’t foolish, my sweet.” Alicent picks up a cup of tea and hands it to you, giving you a sympathetic look as she notices your hands trembling. “You have been deceived, and I can only imagine what Viserys will have to say when he finds out.”

You shake your head. It was widely known that Rhaenyra was your father's favorite, and learning what she was really like could be the thing that breaks him. “My love for my father is the only thing keeping me quiet. He is sick; finding out the truth about what Rhaenyra has done might be the thing that kills him, and I do not want him to suffer. If I’m being honest, I don’t know what to do.”

“I find that praying helps me find clarity and reassurance. I pray to the mother nightly; you can join me if you wish.”

“Perhaps I should pray to the warrior as well as the mother.” You chuckle lightly. “I could really use the gods' strength and courage."

—

After visiting the sept the night previously, the queen had arranged for you to stay in a separate bedchamber for the night since your quarter was beside Rhaenyra’s.

In the morning, Ser Criston escorted you back to your quarters; with him by your side, nobody dared approach you. The knight made pleasant small talk and even managed to make you laugh. When you reach your quarters, you thank him before walking into your bedchamber. You sit down at your vanity and begin to unbraid your hair, only stopping when you hear the door opening.

“Flora?” You call out, hoping to see your lady in waiting, who has become a close friend over the years. “Flora, is that you?”

When you turn around, you’re stunned to see Rhaenyra and Harwin. At first, you were afraid that the sight of them would upset you, but now, as you sit in front of them, all you feel is anger.

You say nothing; you turn your back on them and shift your attention to taking the remainder of your braids out. You push down the lump forming in your throat when Rhaenyra kneels down beside you with tears in her eyes. You pretend she isn’t even there and get up to go pick a dress to wear once you are bathed.

“Y/n! Y/n, please,” Rhaenyra begs. “It happened before you were betrothed! I never wanted you to find out like this. Sister, please! Just let me explain!”

You had fully intended to continue giving her the cold shoulder, but hearing the word sister caused you to snap. You can’t believe she had the nerve to call you that. You spin around fast, and your expression pulls into one of anger and hurt as you snap, “Don’t call me that again.”

Rhaenyra steps back as if you’d struck her.

Harwin says, “I am sincerely sorry for betraying your trust.”

You scoff, annoyed that he seems upset when it’s you that should be hurt by his dishonorable actions. “Until such a time that I am of age to perform my duty as princess and your wife, I don’t think we need to speak again.”

“Princess…”

“You may leave, Ser Harwin.”

When the knight leaves, you turn to face your sister, whose eyes were bloodshot from crying, which angers you further. “Since the day Jace was born, I have loved him; the same is true of Luke. You’ve watched me play with them and sing to them. I’ve basically grown up with them, and not once did you ever think to tell me they were fathered by Harwin.”

“I tried to spare you the pain of knowing the truth.”

You can’t help the laugh that slips past your lips. “You must really hate me.”

She squeezes her eyes shut as more tears roll down her cheeks. “I love you.”

“No, you don’t. I’ve always looked up to you; I wanted to be just like you. My perfect big sister.” You shake your head, backing away from her slightly when she reaches for you. “Do not touch me.”

“When father told me about his plans for you and Harwin to wed, I tried to stop the betrothal; I really did.”

“I believe you,” you say, wiping away more fallen tears. You hardly knew Harwin; he would occasionally accompany you on walks around the garden, and nothing more than a kiss on the back of the hand was shared between you, but he was still your husband. “Both Jacaerys and Lucerys were born before the betrothal; I would have easily looked past that and done everything I could to help protect them. But Joffrey, he’s only a few days old. Even after I married Harwin, you continued to have an affair with him.”

You see guilt pass over her features before she drops her gaze to the floor and says, “I’m sorry.”

“I still love my nephews; that will never change, but I can’t be around them right now. Not after knowing what I know, it will just be a constant reminder."

“Of my betrayal.” Rhaenyra takes a deep breath; red patches have appeared across her neck and chest. “I hope one day you can forgive me.”

When Rhaenyra leaves the room, you throw yourself onto your bed, pull your pillow to your face, and sob into it. This was too much pressure for a girl of one and five to bear.

When someone knocks at your door, you groan a little, assuming Harwin or Rhaenyra had come back. “Go away,” you mumble into your pillow. You lift your head to tell them to go away, but change your mind when you see who it is “Aegon, what are you doing here?”

He avoids looking you in the eye and shrugs. “My mother said you were upset.”

“So you came to check on me?”

You weren’t much older than Aegon; before you had even celebrated your first name day, your father had remarried, and Queen Alicent was pregnant. You were surprised to see Aegon, considering he didn’t spend much time with any of your siblings.

He rolls his eyes and says, “No.”

“Oh, then what are you doing here?”

“Wanted to know if you’d like to go dragon riding together.”

You smile and say, “Sure, that sounds like fun.”

Aegon on Sunfyre and you on Ghost were exactly what you needed to take your mind off everything else that was going on.

[fieldofdaisiies]

Whisper of the Forgotten | pt. 8

pairing: azriel x reader | type: angst | words: 2,6k words | warnings: none | masterlist

Azriel doesn’t say anything for a long moment. For so long, it makes you wonder if he will ever give you an answer. You watch how his throat bobs when he swallows, his eyes closing. You watch his chest lift with deep inhales. 

“I am aware that this is exactly what I deserve for hurting you so much.”

Your eyes close, the back of your mouth aching. 

“I broke the bond without even knowing it. I ruined the one thing I had been hoping for for so long, and I lost the person I loved most through my actions.”

He falls silent after this, and you can visibly make out how his heart breaks even more, cracks open completely and tears dwell in his eyes. Hd is a broken male, that is for sure, the actions of his past haunting him just like what has been done to him in his childhood.

“It is still there,” you find yourself saying after a moment of dense quietness. You can’t stand it anymore. “The bond has not completely vanished, I can still feel the pull.”

You find it hard to look at him, not wanting to see his expression, how torn he looks, how much this revelation broke him. 

Azriel slowly starts to shake his head, his hand sliding over his chest, right above his heart, then he drops it. 

“You can reject it.” Azriel’s voice is thick with emotion. “I want you to reject it. I can’t bind you to me, Y/N. I can’t force you to be bound to the person that hurt you so much, to make you stay with me–”

“You can’t tell me what to do, Azriel.” Now you lift your chin and meet his gaze. “This is my decision, and if I want to give it a chance, us a chance, again…” Your voice breaks the moment a sob crashes into it, and you start to cry again, lowering your face to your arm, crying silent tears into your skin. “Forgiveness is so hard, forgetting even harder and I know that I will never manage to do the latter, but I want to give us time. I want to give us a chance, to get to know each other again and to find forgiveness.”

You wipe your tears away on your arm, pushing up on your elbow so you can look at him. “I now know your reasons and even though they don’t remove the trauma or the pain they caused me. But I now at least have answers to my century-long questions – to why you hurt me, why you had to do everything you did.”

“I was the biggest asshole to not tell you earlier, to not come to the Prison and just explain. I was a coward.”

“You were,” you honestly answer, but your eyes close. “But I also know that I probably wouldn’t have listened. I would have been too wrapped up in my anger and hurt to listen or understand.”

Azriel’s eyes close again. “I was still a coward, a massive asshole, and don’t deserve you.”

“This is not about deserving each other, Azriel,” you softly whisper. “This is about healing, growth and moving on, about learning to forgive.”

You pause, trying to calm your heart that starts to beat a little faster with deep breaths. “I am not sure if I can ever forgive you, Azriel. If my heart will ever allow me to do so, but I am glad we talked. It was important for us to do so.”

“It was,” Azriel agrees, voice tinged with sadness. He tips his head back and looks at the ceiling. You follow his line of sight, only staring into the darkness and his shadows floating atop both of you. 

“What were you afraid to find?” 

Azriel is calm, then turns his head again, looking at you. You feel his gaze, sharp and piercing. “I don’t understand.”

“You said you were afraid to go see me, that you were a coward. What were you afraid of to find?”

A cold huff leaves him and then he brings his hand up, wiping it down his face. “I was afraid to find exactly what I saw in your eyes when I opened the cell door - hurt and betrayal. I hurt you so much, and I knew I would find it in those eyes that I once fell in love with.” He swallows thickly. “But I was also afraid I would be at a loss of words. That I would never be able to find the right words to talk to you. I betrayed you, hurt you so much and I knew you would never forgive me.”

You hum in understanding. 

“We needed you for help, but it was the perfect reason for me to get you out. I was forced to do so, forced to no longer be such a fucking coward. I had to go, and I wanted nothing more than to do it. There was no way back anymore. I was forced to go, and finally grew some balls to do so.” He shakes his head. “I knew what I would find there. I knew you would hate me, but I knew it was finally time for us to meet again. I had the Harp and I couldn’t wait any longer. There was a way to free you, a chance I had to take and finally could do so.”

You loose a long breath and close your eyes. You shift a little on the bed, then turn to your side and rest your head on the pillow. “I will stay here tonight if that is alright.”

You need to seal your broken heart, comfort your soul, and even if there might be no future for the two of you, this is one step into the right direction of healing.

“Always,” Azriel whispers, and you feel the bed dip, and him move. Carefully, he is tugging his blanket over you, he is still lying atop. “You want me to move to the couch.”

“No, it’s alright.” You are tired, exhausted, the conversation and the day has drained you. You only want to sleep, exhaustion nearing in waves that slowly start to drown you. Your lids are so heavy, you can’t force them open any longer. You only want to sleep. 

You tug at the blanket, signalling Azriel to slide beneath it. His closeness used to worry you, not that much anymore, knowing he won’t hurt you here. Won’t hurt you again, now that you have seen his remorse, scented his regret. 

It will be alright, you know it. 

He follows your request, and then lies down beside you, not touching you. Moments pass, moments full of deafening silence where you, despite your tiredness, can’t fall asleep. His presence doesn’t irritate you, he closeness doesn’t bother you (anymore) but it still feel strange lying here with him. Sleeping in the same bed as him after centuries of distance.

“Did you plan on how you would kill me once you get free?” Azriel then whispers and you feel something stroke over your exposed shoulder. It isn’t Azriel, but rather his shadows.

A huff leaves you. “Every day and in very much detail how I would go about it.” 

He doesn’t smile in response, he only looks at you, watches you closely until he says, “I thought so.”

You don’t answer him, only curl your fingers around the blanket, hoping to just drift off into a dreamless sleep. But Azriel has different plans. He shifts on the bed, somehow uncomfortable, and then says into the darkness. 

“I wasn’t only scared of what I would find, I was also ashamed.” He clears his throat. “I couldn’t look you in the eyes, I couldn’t even look myself in the eyes nor my brothers. I had no idea how to tell anyone, how to explain what I had done. I was a fucking coward and ashamed of the measures I took.”

“You were scared, Azriel,” you whisper. “And fear lets us do unspeakable things.”

Night and sleep falls upon you a moment after, a light comfort hovering above your hearts that makes you eventually fall asleep.

───── ⋆⋅ ☽☾ ⋅⋆ ─────

You slip out of his room before Azriel or anyone else in the House of Wind wakes up. You don’t want to face Azriel, not in the mood to talk to him and unsure of what to say to him. 

In addition, you also don’t want to face Nesta or Cassian, not wanting to have to explain to them that you just talked and nothing happened. They would probably read more into it, and maybe even find hope. Hope you don’t want to give them.

Once back in your room, you take a long moment to think, sitting down on your windowsill, leaning your forehead against the cool window, staring outside, over the still dark city, slowly waking up. 

Many thoughts cloud your mind, and despite Azriel always being in the foreground, you know that opening the box, defeating Koschei and getting your powers back is more important. You need your amulet back and you would go through hell for it. You will demand it back that day, that is clear. They have to give it to you. Then you will open the box and form a plan on how to go forward. How you will fight against Koschei, who you have to ready. And how you can start a new life in the place you were born. 

You have often found yourself wondering what the Middle has turned into, what it looks like now, after centuries. You can’t wait to go back there. You haved lived there for a long time before the Wilde Hunt led you north and you ended up in the Night Court.

The Wild Hunt.

It has been on your mind a lot lately. They…have been. You could rally them again, reform your group, lead them, maybe alongside the Valkyries…and fight alongside them, once again reunited, as one.

───── ⋆⋅ ☽☾ ⋅⋆ ─────

“So, using this spell we can open it. Our hands need to be connected, Nesta, in the other hand you will be holding Ataraxia.” You pause so they can all process the information you have just provided them with. 

Azriel said nothing to you, nor to Cassian or Nesta when he entered the kitchen in the morning. He only looked at you, then dipped his chin and smiled slightly. You returned this gesture. 

You also haven’t spoken during breakfast, and not until you found yourself gathered around the desk in Rhysand’s office. 

“But I need my amulet back for this. I need my powers.” You lift your gaze and look at Rhys first, then at Azriel. “I want it back now. I have proven my loyalty, I agreed to help you and you should know by now that I won’t harm you. It is the least you could do.”

“How do we know you won’t just run off? Or blow everything up the moment—”

Your palm slams down on the wooden table, making it groan with the impact of your loud slap. “Because I have proven my loyalty!” you growl and spin around to Amren. “Why should I do that? Do you also deem me such a cruel, sadistic monster that everyone thinks I am?” 

You walk up to her until you are in her face. “You have been in Prison as well and yet they trust. What if you go berserk in this city?”

“Give her the amulet back, Rhys!“ Amren snaps and steps backwards.

But the High Lord hesitates. 

“No, Rhys. She is right. And she has a right to her possessions.”

Slowly, Rhysand nods and then tips his head at Azriel, momentarily holding eye-contact with the shadowsinger and you know he is talking to him mind-to-mind. The shadowsinger bows his head in return and walks backwards a few steps before slipping out of the room.

Your gaze has been locked on him the whole time. And now that he is gone and you know you will get your amulet back, your heart is beating in your throat, anticipation rising. Your heirloom will finally be yours again, and your powers will return in full force. You need your amulet to channel them, it is similar to the siphons the Illyrians wear.

You feels how your palms turn a little clammy, and inhale a few deep breaths, hoping to calm yourself as much as needed. But the idea of finally being fully yourself again, excites you too much for that to be possible.

“Why do you need Nes for that? Can’t you do it alone?” Cassian‘s low rumble disturbs your day-dreaming about your powers and you whip your head into his direction. 

“Because your mate has more power blazing through her veins than you could ever imagine, Cassian.” You smile at the female in question and then turn back to her mate. “And exactly that sort of power in connection with her sword is needed. I need someone that powerful on my side to fulfill—”

“Rhys is the most powerful High Lord,” Cassian cuts in, and you laugh.

“He might be. But his power is useless here. A different kind of power is needed, one that can only be found in people like us.” You tip your chin at Nesta and then at Amren. “Like calls to like, and that is why we need to combine our strengths.”

Cassian huffs, but a bright smile lights up the Valkyrie‘s face, a hint of pride shimmering in her eyes and when she meets her mate’s gaze, his eyes take on a similar glow.

You want to add that he should indeed be proud, but you get no chance to do so. Azriel returns right in this moment, the amulet dangling from his scarred hand. 

You watch how his chest heaves with a deep intake of air. Then he moves closer. “Do you want someone else to put it back on?”

You give your head a shake and then huff. “You were the one to take it off, Azriel, you need to put it back on.” You hold his gaze as he moves closer, step by step.

You can see the whirlwind in his eyes, and how hard he is clenching his jaw. “Can you lift your—nevermind, please turn around.”

You are sure the room is holding its breath just like every person within it, you included. His scarred fingertips touch your shoulders first, brushing away your hair. “Can you lift them up please?”

You do as told and slowly, his hands reach around you. The amulet is cool at first but once it is flush with your skin it starts to buzz, humming with power. Your face lights up, and vibrations flow through your veins, making your fingertips feel tingly — the amulet is back and your powers have reached it peeked again. Of course, you need to train to be able to really use them again but the first step is accomplished.

Azriel’s hands are still on you when you turn back to him and lovk eyes with him again. 

“Thank you,” you whisper.

“Not for that,” he mumbles. “Don’t thank me for returning what always belonged to you.” His hand lifts and he brushes his hand over your head. “You look beautiful.”

Your breath catches and yoh know that despite hating it and trying so hard to fight against it, your love for him is starting to burn again, and forgiveness is truly an option already.

You don’t want to let this happen. Can’t let it happen. Not yet at least. 

You quickly step back. “Let’s open that damn box, shall we?”

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[thesummerstorms]

To quote my other reblog of my own post about this whole moment, it’s important to me that this means that Dick and Kory have discussed what happened to her in enough explicit detail that when Myand’r trots out this bullshit Dick feels both able to threaten him by telling him exactly what was done to Kory in name of his “peace treaty”.

And I 1000% understand Dick’s anger here. He is angry for her.

“This so called paradise was paid for with your flesh…your heart…your life.”

Yes absolutely. And I do think it’s a really salient point that Dick loves her and knows in detail what happened to her and that’s why he’s so furious. For someone who was raised by Bruce, watching the whole “everything for the mission” mentality, he still doesn’t find Kory’s suffering excusable.

Whereas Myand’r claims to love his daughter, but if we’re being honest, he doesn’t fucking know her.

He sold her away as a child.

The last time she was kidnapped and brought back by Blackfire, he sent her away into exile again without them ever actually discussing what had happened to her or what her life was like or him trying to explain to her or ask for forgiveness.

Now he’s sold her into an unwanted marriage, Dick calls him on the fact that it’s always Kory’s price to pay, Kory’s blood and suffering that paves the way for Myand’r’s decisions…and the king blows him off.

He doesn’t want to know what happened to his daughter. He wants to live in ignorance. Yes, she was his favorite compared to Blackfire when they were children… but at some point he stopped seeing her as a person, I think. Or stopped letting himself.

Look at Myand’r’s phrasing- “yes, I agreed to let the Citadel take my daughter in exchange for peace. And yes my family suffered. But not one drop of Tamaranean blood was lost.”

“My daughter was taken” / “my family suffered”.

Koriand’r was in fact the one who was tortured and enslaved, but it was “the family” generally who suffered. With the possessive “my” and everything. “Allowed them to take my daughter”- the taking was not the truly bad part here. They didn’t take her and put her under house arrest as a hostage. The enslaved, raped, tortured, and experimented on her. Dick knows this concretely. Myand’r doesn’t.

Dick is right- Myand’r is a coward who refuses to accept what he actually helped do to Kory.

And the “not a drop of Tamaranean blood was lost” just makes me laugh, because what. Have you just depersonalized your daughter so much her blood no longer counts to you?

So I 1000% understand why Dick is angry here. Especially because if I remember right, marriage between the two of them had been casually raised as a possibility right before this arc started. So on top of watching the woman he loves suffer at the hands of a family who are using her love for them to manipulate and hurt her again, there is an element of betrayal/loss for Dick as well in her being promised to Karras.

However.

No matter how justified Dick’s anger, the way he handled it ended up doing more harm than good here. He rushes away from her, tells her right before the middle set of panels that he doesn’t want to talk to her. Tells her in those panels “Don’t talk to me about that hypocrite.”

He’s angry and he blows up and he shuts her out because of it- but if he’s angry for her, then that’s the exact opposite of what he needs to be doing. Kory thinks it’s just about the marriage and that he just doesn’t understand her father- he needs to talk to her if he wants her to understand that she deserves better than how she’s being treated. He needs to be talking about “that hypocrite” so she understands that Myand’r is one.

No matter how much it might hurt that she’s considering marrying someone else or how angry it might make him to hear her defend her own mistreatment, if he wants to actually change those things, he has to show her that someone who loves her thinks she deserves better. She has grown up in this fucked up dynamic- it would take persistence and care to help her see her way out of it. A few angry one off sentences about her father won’t be enough on their own.

But instead Dick acts more like Bruce here- centers his anger on himself, shuts her out, lashes out. And so he fails to actually meaningfully address the causes of the problem.

This is not me complaining about the writers/writing btw. It’s just really interesting to me how Dick’s own learned responses from his dad/mentor get in the way of protecting the woman he loves from what he sees as the abuses of her own father.

And then of course poor Kory is left to deal with the emotional devastation after.

[moonselune]

Hi!!!! I was wondering if we can have some dark BG3 but with Karlach.. if you can because ohhhhh I love your stuff for her literally every time I read it I fall in love THANK YOU FOR EVERYTHING BTW

Ah thank you so much !

oooo okay y'all I'm writing this as a one shot, she's not being added to the list (for now), I will most likely add her when I'm adding the cambions which will be when requests are finished. This is gonna be set when she takes control of the nether brain.

─── ⋅ ∙ ∘ ☽ ༓ ☾ ∘ ⋅ ⋅ ───

Dark!Karlach x reader | Blood-drenched Sunset

─── ⋅ ∙ ∘ ☽ ༓ ☾ ∘ ⋅ ⋅ ───

The infernal glow of Avernus spread before you like a sick parody of a sunset, blood-red skies choked with smoke and ash. The smell of brimstone clung to everything, a constant reminder of where you were and what you had become a part of. Karlach stood at the edge of a jagged cliff overlooking the battlefield below, her fiery mane whipping in the hot wind. Imps and cambions swarmed around her like moths drawn to a flame, eager to do her bidding.

You watched her, your heart aching. This wasn’t the Karlach you had fallen in love with—the one who had fought so fiercely for others, who had carried a blazing heart of courage and compassion. But you understood how she had come to this. Her pain, her rage, her betrayal by the people of Baldur’s Gate—it all made sense. And that was what hurt the most. You understood her too well.

When she turned to you, her eyes were wild with fury and determination, but there was something else buried deep within them. Something you could barely see but refused to give up on.

“They’ll all pay,” she growled, her voice like a low rumble of thunder. “Every last one of Zariel’s lapdogs. Just like those cowards in Baldur’s Gate who let Gortash rise to power. They’ll all burn.”

You stepped forward, hands trembling but held open in a gesture of peace. You were covered in ash, grime and splatters of blood that belonged to those you called friend.

“Karlach,” you began softly, but your voice broke under the weight of what you were about to say. “You were one of Zariel’s servants once. Remember? There are people down there—innocents, just like you were.”

Her expression twisted, her lips curling into a bitter smile.

“Don’t,” she snapped, her voice sharp enough to cut as she pointed her index finger at you. “Don’t you dare compare me to them. I escaped. I broke free. They don’t deserve your pity, and they sure as hell don’t deserve mine.”

You reached out a trembling hand toward her, desperation thick in your voice. “Please, Karlach. This isn’t who you are. You’re better than this—better than all of this. Be fair, give them a chance. Don’t let this place consume what’s left of your humanity.”

For a moment, you thought you saw her flinch, the barest flicker of hesitation crossing her face. But then her expression hardened, and she let out a dry, humorless laugh.

“You think I don’t see what you’re doing?” she said, stepping closer to you, her towering form casting a shadow over your trembling figure. “You’re trying to control me. Hold me back. You’re lucky I love you, babe! So damn lucky!”

She snapped her fingers, and before you could react, two cambions stepped out of the shadows, their claws digging into your arms as they grabbed hold of you. You struggled and cried out, but their grip was ironclad.

Karlach grinned, the flames dancing around her face making her look almost demonic. She sauntered up to you, cupping your cheek with a hand that burned hot against your skin.

“Don’t worry,” she purred, her voice dripping with mock affection. “I want you to see everything. Front row seat, just for you.” She turned to the cambions, giving them a wink. “Make sure they don’t miss a thing.”

The cambions dragged you toward the edge of the cliff, forcing you to kneel as Karlach strode back toward the battlefield below. Her war cry echoed across the hellish plains, and her army of imps and demons surged forward with savage glee.

Tears streamed down your face as you watched the carnage unfold, helpless to do anything but plead silently with the woman you loved—the woman you knew was still in there somewhere. You whispered her name, over and over again, a prayer against the storm.

Somewhere in the chaos, you thought you saw her pause. Just for a moment. A flicker of something human—a memory, perhaps, or a feeling she couldn’t quite extinguish. It wasn’t much, but it was enough to keep your hope alive.

─── ⋅ ∙ ∘ ☽ ༓ ☾ ∘ ⋅ ⋅ ───

y'all how dare you force me to do that to my baby girl.. jk jk i can't lie making her evil was very fun. I hope you guys enjoyed these dark karlach scraps, i think there is another dark karlach request in the queue so y'all will be fed again at some point - Seluney xox

If you want to support me in other ways | Help keep this moonmaiden caffeinated x

[iheartsteve0704]

With AAA coming to an end soon (so fucking emo about this) here are my final two episode predictions/delusions no one asked for:

**I don’t think most of these will happen tbh just thoughts rolling**

The hair in Agatha’s locket is Nicholas’s but the locket was given to her by Rio when he passed so that’s why it’s sentimental to her because it reminds her of both her favorite people in the world

What Billy seeks is not what he thinks he wants

We won’t see Wanda (sorry but I really don’t think so! I could be wrong but anyway I’d love to be wrong just to see Lizzie Olsen on my screen again)

We’ll learn that when Rio had to take Nicholas, she was inconsolable and just as broken up about it as Agatha but the older witch was too hurt and in her own feelings to realize it

Jen is an agent of mephisto

Jen’s trial will be episode 8

Senior scratchy isn’t anything but a bunny (given to Nicholas by Rio)

Agatha and Rio WILL kiss

Nicholas died not years later but when he was born due to complications and the things we saw in Agatha’s spell casted west view house weren’t real but just things she wished he had experienced and done in his life

The house Rio is sitting on is the house her and Agatha used to dream about having together when Agatha was pregnant with Nicholas but then he passed and they never got to that point

We’ll get a Rio trial and learn a lot more about her and how she become lady death in the first place (pls pls pls pls pls JAC PLS)

The Agathario Salem flashback will be the beginning scene of episode 9

We’ll see Alice again (in episode 4 they focused in on Alice singing “I’ll see you at the end”)

Hopeful wishful thinking that we see Lilia too but I think her ending was in 7 was heroic and a satisfying ending to her story and reversing all that would be strange to me

Rio and Agatha don’t betray each other because they admit they still have feelings for one another that never went away no matter how hard they tried

We get confirmation they were married once and not just exs

The part in the witches road song where it goes “Where all that's wrong is right and all that's bad is good” will be reflected and it kind of was in EP7 when teen did a tarot of Agatha and said something around the lines of that doesn’t make sense because it was opposite of bad

The reason why Rio calls Agatha a coward is because of their relationship and how Agatha won’t admit what she really feels for Rio or the fact that she actually does forgive her and the person she was mad at all along was herself more than anything

WE GET A SEASON 2 ANNOUNCEMENT IN THE EMPTY CREDIT FRAME

What if what Agatha actually seeks at the end of the road is reunion and the road is up to interpret that in any way and it’s Rio

The Agatha Rio fight isn’t real and is a show to distract the others

Or the Agatha Rio fight is a part of the last trail to “escape death”

Rio will have to leave Agatha in the end (for “work”) she’ll conjure up the same flower form the beginning and tuck it in Agatha’s hair

It was truly Agatha all along along and the road is just some twisted scheme Rio and Agatha started back in their salmon days to collect bodies and power (this would be hard tbh like support ur local evil hags I guess!)

^ and that’s why Agatha’s trial was so short because it had to happen to make the road believable but not too drawn out to cause herself more emotional mommy issues drama

^^ but I do believe and think Agatha genuinely felt bad getting Alice killed and I think she has made an attachment (even a small one) to her coven even if she won’t admit it (even Jen!)

We’ll learn Jen was Agatha’s midwife and the scene will be Jen helping Agatha push and Rio rushes in from “work” bringing a banquet of the flower she conjured in episode 4

Aubrey’s words about the ending being a “gay explosion” will mean that the series will end with Agatha and Rio together on top, even if it means betrayal of the coven

AGATHARIO END GAME. PERIOD.

[muzzlemouths]

@sinister-sincerely ;) Surprise~

You've gotta be the only person I know who specifically requests heavy angst for a valentines event, but who am I to argue! I'd be lying if I said I didn't have fun writing something so bittersweet.

Sun/Moon x Y/N Word Count: 3,750 Warnings: Mutual pining (but it's too late), hurt/no comfort

It’s exactly as you remember.

The stench of pizza grease still lingers in the air, rainbow puddles of gasoline hiding under minivans beside forgotten litter, every pothole in its place. The pizzeria greets you in its daunting enormity as you enter the mouth like a bitter swallowed pill.

You can’t say for certain what brought you to this point. How many restless nights and plaintive mornings you endured, how deep the sunken shadow beneath your eyes became until you couldn’t take it anymore. When days turned to weeks turned to months.

The earth orbits the sun in a slow, tedious loop and it is here, a year after it all, that you find yourself staring down the doors to the Superstar Daycare.

The day’s end sees parents lingering in droves around the doors. Some caught up in polite conversation, soccer moms and wine aunts sharing a good laugh, heels clinking against the sticky floor. While others tap their feet with impatient expectation and arms crossed over their chest. They check their phones and apple watches as if watching the time will make it move any faster.

Not you, though. Your feet, your time, your expectations, it all travels at a devastating crawl, and you would sooner turn around and wash your hands of this whole ordeal before you willed it to go faster. The drag of your feet is purposeful. 

You disappear into the crowd, and one by one they disappear from you. Parents and uncles and older siblings in various states of mood, their faces brightening when it’s their turn to scoop a teetering tot into their arms and ask about their day, crayon drawings and popsicle stick crafts haphazardly glued together still clutched in tiny hands. Their blurry faces pay you no mind as you stand at the center of it all, choking on the consequences of your own actions. Their numbers dwindle by the minute.

You had eventually learned to tolerate the giggling shrieks of daycare children, having worked enough shifts that the noise fell into the backdrop like everything else, but the quiet — when the doors closed for the last time and it was just you and them, free from the inhibitions of work — the quiet was your favorite part. Now it only proves to further your dread. 

There are a dozen people to hide between, then ten, then six, then four, three, two…

and then you’re alone.

Any minute now Sun will peek his head out the door to ensure that no one was missed. It’s a silly tendency, the checking and double checking and triple checking to an almost obsessive degree, but you’ve long since become fond of these little habits. How miserable, then, to have to rely on its inevitability because you’re too much of a coward to confront him yourself.

It’s this same fear that drives you to turn on your heel at the last second, reconsidering this whole plan to begin with. If you left now you wouldn’t have to see the look of betrayal on his face. If you were quick about it you could still make haste towards the exit and be out of eyesight before the door ever opened, and then maybe, if you were lucky, your heart would consider this a worthwhile attempt and would finally let you leave this all behind.

How silly to think life would be so kind. You’ve run out of chances to avoid this.

Light pours over your back in a soft rectangle curve, warm and, much like the face that greets you, familiar. His voice — a polite ‘Can I help you?’ that lacks recognition — forces you to a halt. You anchor yourself to the spot for as long as you can get away with until the flicker of determination that remains in your chest demands you to move, and only then do you greet him properly; face to face.

The state of him guts you. His dirt coated faceplate, paint chipping at the edges and thumbprints smudged en mass, built up gunk wedged into the grooves, it tells you all you need to know.

It tells you that he hasn’t let anyone help him since your disappearance.

There is something to be said about the emotional range of a robot who cannot express himself in the usual way. You considered yourself quite adept at understanding exactly what they were feeling at any given moment regardless and in spite of the lack of visual cues, rarely being hindered by their static smiles because you had other things to rely on, like the pitch in their voice, their postures, their gestures. 

But Sun looks your way in complete silence, not budging from his place within the doorframe as recognition takes hold.

Silence fills your lungs until its presence is suffocating and this, if nothing else, finally prompts you to speak up. It’s a mess — your guilty muttering of “Can we talk?” — and you’re grateful to have even managed that much, and surprised, albeit relieved, initially, when it does the trick to stir Sun from his stupor.

His response, though lacking words, can be heard loud and clear.

You scramble forward in a rush, just barely managing to wedge your foot in the door before he has the chance to finish shutting it in your face.

“Please,” you rasp, pride be damned. 

His faceplate tilts (in curiosity or frustration, you aren’t sure), and his voicebox clicks like an irked tongue. Though they remain fixated in place you can surely feel the way his eyes find the ugly scar at your jaw and follow it all the way down your shoulder. Another click. 

He widens the door.

It’s not the warm welcome you’ve come to expect over the years, but it’s likely the kindest greeting you’ll receive from him now, all things considered, so you do your best not to spit on the brittle olive branch and quickly duck beneath his arm to make your way inside.

The daycare brings a wave of emotions that immediately threaten the frail sense of composure you’re still clinging to. Memories, new and very, very old, all collect in the back of your throat and sting like fresh bile. 

You recognize every stain in the carpet that Sun could never get out, can pinpoint how long its been since he’s cleaned by how strongly the smell of bleach contends with freshly soiled diapers. You know by the back of your hand which slides will burn you all the way down and which are permanently sticky from sickly kids and parents who couldn’t afford to bring them anywhere else. You know where the craft supplies are hidden, where the movies are kept, where the toys are stored. You know how bright the stars will shine when the lights go out, and how quickly Moon will abandon his station to find another.

You know exactly where to look when either of them is hurt and hiding.

But Sun isn’t hiding, now, even though he is very much hurt. Instead he stands a few paces from your side, hand still on the door and back to you. He doesn’t run and he doesn’t hide and he doesn’t need to.

Because it is you who ran away. It is you who hid.

It’s you who disappeared to somewhere they could never reach.

“Sun, I—”

“Why are you here?”

His voice cuts through you deeper than even the guilt. You want him to be angry with you, to scream and cry and lash out so your apprehension feels justified, so you can feel like there’s still something to salvage from this relationship, even if it’s negative. Even if it hurts. It would be easier if it hurt.

Instead, Sun addresses you with dry, polite boredom. He speaks to you like a stranger. 

Then, again, arrives the silence. It permeates through flesh and bone to sink into your very core, a poison that takes root deep in the pit of your stomach and blooms into something horrid. Gnarled branches of grief and shame left unpruned for so long that they’ve made a husk of the person you used to be. 

How do you come back from that?

“We didn’t know—” his fingers vice against the doorknob until its metal warps inward, refusing to show you his face. “We didn’t know where you went, why — why you left. You didn’t say anything. Not to us or anyone we asked.” His arms pinch into their shoulder sockets, the neglected casings whining against the tension. “Believe me, we asked everyone.”

Branches twist and unfurl, spindly twigs of guilt tickling against the back of your throat, thick with vinegar. You can taste it on your tongue. It takes all of your strength to step towards him. “Sun, I—”

“Stop,” he rasps. “Don’t. Just — just stay there. Stay right there.”

It stings. You often mulled over how they might react to your return when the day came, but never did you consider that he might not even want to look you in the eye. Swallowing around that boulder draws tears to your eyes. Nevertheless, your feet remain planted where they are, resigned to have this conversation with the back of his faceplate. “I wanted to reach out—”

“I wasn’t finished,” he interrupts. His rays sink inward, briefly, face swiveling at an angle where you can almost see his eyes. “We thought…Moon thought he had killed you,” he admits. “For a short time after you left us, we convinced ourselves that this is what happened. We let ourselves believe it because — because,” he turns, finally looking you in the eye, “because the alternative is that you abandoned us like everyone else.”

Your cheeks warm beneath streams of bitter salt. Words evade you for the longest time, deaf to your pleas to say something, anything, because more than Sun looking expectant for an answer is he deserving of one. 

Sun shakes his head, unimpressed by your inability to pry your tongue from the roof of your mouth. “Two minutes,” he says.

That does the trick just fine. “Two—?”

“You have two minutes to explain yourself,” he clarifies.

Your nose twitches, sniffling. “And after?” You ask, terrified of the answer. If he shoos you from the daycare and bans your name forevermore you aren’t sure you’ll ever recover. It’s selfish to fear such things — you know, already — when your actions were undoubtedly what burnt that bridge in the first place.

His arms cross over his chest, fingers winding fiercely into the metal, and he nods towards the clock. It’s getting late, already. 

“In two minutes it won’t be my choice what happens to you,” he warns.

Your gaze follows his own, eyeing the time. There’s no telling how lenient Moon will be about hearing you out but, if memory serves, you won’t see half the patience that Sun is tentatively offering you now. You don’t have time to argue either way.

You search your heart for the words that need to be said and, when that fails to provide you with a linear path forward, you opt to blurt out the first thing that comes to mind, instead. 

“I didn’t know what to do,” you admit. Your thumb lifts to press into scarred flesh, and follows it all the way down to where it disappears beneath your shirt collar. It’s ugly and it’s deep and you will bear it for the rest of your life. “I didn’t know how to confront this.”

Looking up, Sun hasn’t moved from his spot. He doesn’t blink, and he doesn’t speak, but the way his fist digs into the fabric of his pants tells you that he remembers that night clearly. You’re sure he spent several days thereafter scrubbing your blood out of the carpet.

It was an accident. As much as one can accidentally attack a loved one with blind violence, that is. You tell yourself it wasn’t intentional and you had hoped that they had, too. Both of you knew the day would come eventually either way. A dog that used to bite will bite again, no matter how strong the bond between him and his owner is. And you aren’t his owner, anyway. You can’t even call yourself his friend — not anymore.

“I thought I’d have enough time to think things over while I was recovering,” you croak through tears. “Every day in that hospital bed was spent thinking of you and Moon. I was—”

“Angry?” Sun asks.

“No!”

“Then why—?” His voice twists with the same bitterness as the dread in your stomach, almost a plead. “Why didn’t you say anything? A phone call, a letter, anything—”

“I was scared!” Despair pours from your throat like a leaky faucet having finally burst. “I almost died, Sun. I — I wasn’t sure what to do, where to go from there. I thought I just needed time, but everything happened so fast, it all passed so quickly, and the company—”

“You were fired?”

Your teeth clatter sharply against each other, lips pinching together, tongue tied. The clock tick tick ticks away. “They told me if I didn’t return that week I shouldn’t bother coming back at all. I…I could have kept my job, I could have come back, put the nightmares up on the top shelf and hope that everything just went back to normal, but…”

“You didn’t have to figure it out alone,” he answers solemnly. “Had you told us what you were going through, we could have figured something out, helped you transfer to another department or— or at least given you space. We would have come up with something.” Sun’s shoulders slump forward with a quiet, mechanical clink. He rubs anxiously at his arm and looks away from you. “Did you even like us?”

Your heart squeezes like it’s going to burst and plummets to the soles of your shoes, aching the whole way. Every instance of the love you felt for them comes barreling down on you at once; every fond memory, every moment of laughter, every hardship that you faced together. You never got the chance to tell them. “Of course I do,” you exclaim. “I lo—”

The room plunges into darkness. There is no twitch or flicker of the fluorescents to warn you, no method of hastily restoring power, nothing to keep stripes from becoming stars. Bittersweet familiarity sinks its teeth into your skin with nothing more than the quiet toll of a bell. His gaze blankets you in crimson.

You inhale sharply and prepare for the worst. “Moon—”

“Get out,” he snarls.

You flinch a foot back, but go no further. “Let me explain—”

“No.”

Your brow creases, nose wrinkling to match. “I’m not leaving,” you declare. “Why won’t you hear out what I have to say?”

“You’re a liar,” he spits, each word threaded with anger. Unlike Sun, he has no problems advancing towards you step by slow, meandered step. “Why would we want to hear a liar speak?”

Your heart twitches in your throat, threatening to suffocate you with every breath. Sun accused you of a great many things, all of which you are surely guilty of, but being a liar isn’t one of them. “I didn’t—”

“You left us!” He snarls. “Promised you wouldn’t. Promised you weren’t like the rest. You lied. Liar, liar, liar.”

His outburst convinces you to fall back another step. At this rate he’ll corner you, walk you against a wall. He’ll— “I didn’t mean to hurt you,” you insist, blinking through tears. “Either of you.”

“Liar!”

You break into a sob. “I’m not—”

“Get out,” he repeats, not sparing you the patience to further plead your case. He’s nearly erased the distance between you. “Won’t ask again.”

The croak in his voicebox doesn’t stem wholly from anger, of that you are certain. You can trace it all the way back to that very night when he came back to himself, hands still painted red, claws cinched to the bone. 

He had rushed into action, even if it was in vain. Daycare first-aid kits offer little more than boo-boo bandaids and palm sized ice packs, and as it stood, you were bleeding out in his arms. Despite his own personal biases he had called out for help, and help answered in the form of red and blue lights that blinked just outside the window. 

Your memory of the event is still fuzzy around the edges even now, yet still, there are two things you remember without any doubt. First, that Moon trembled with such vigor that his casing bears scars to this day from the metal rubbing together, and second, that he spoke to you endlessly, tirelessly, until they took you away. The cadence from that night hasn’t disappeared with time. 

It isn’t anger, it’s fear.

A dog that has bit before will inevitably bite again, and a dog that fears losing what it loves will refuse to let itself love at all.

Against your better judgement, you firmly stand your ground. “I’m not leaving,” you tell him. “Not until I’ve said what I came here to say.”

“Aren’t you scared?” 

It catches you off guard.

“That’s what you told Sun, isn’t it? I might hurt you again,” he warns. “Run your skin beneath my claws, tear it to bloody pieces until there’s nothing left.” His hand twitches at his side. “Maybe this time I’ll really kill you. Aren’t you scared?”

Your feet remain planted in that spot even as every molecule of your being screams at you to run. You are anchored here, for better or for worse, even as he inches ever closer. Even as he raises his hand — old blood still caked beneath the claws — and lingers beside the old wound.

“Yes,” you answer. It halts him immediately, hand still poised at your cheek. “I’m scared, I’m terrified, that much is true, but…” your eyes trace him, each pointed nail and crimson stained finger, the lilt in his voice that spells remorse as deep and as wide as your own.

Despite it all, your eyes fall shut. “...I trust you.”

Moon remains stone still. You hear no whisper of his bell, can feel no greater heat from his vents. He surely watches you to see how much truth lies in your commitment, searching your face for any hint of malice and trickery, but he won’t find any. You’re done running. You’re through with hiding.

He lurches forward—

and embraces you fully, metal frame trembling on its hinges. 

“Thought we lost you,” he whispers. “You left. You left us.”

“I know,” you whisper in turn. Warily you echo the gesture, wrapping your arms around him and holding him close, closer than you’ve ever been allowed before. “I’m sorry,” your words spill across his chest. “I’m so, so sorry. I’ll never leave you again—”

“Don’t.” He pulls away abruptly, holding you back with locked elbows, and the sudden absence leaves you cold. “No more promises. We can’t—” he whines beneath the palm you bring against his cheek, but nevertheless relaxes into it. “Can’t handle it. Another broken promise.”

“But—”

“Please,” he mutters. ���No promises. Just this is fine. This—” His hand travels meekly upward to rest atop your own. “This is enough.”

It stings, as it very well should, but you aren’t going to argue with him about this. A nod answers him, simple as. You have all the time in the world to prove to them that you aren’t going anywhere this time.

There are a million and one things to say now that you finally have the chance. A year’s worth of events to catch them up on and the whole night to discuss it all, just like old times. You’ll make new friendship bracelets, read each other stories, gossip and laugh and play. There is still something worth saving, here. They haven’t given up on you yet.

But rebuilding a relationship requires honesty, it requires communication, and there is still one secret you’re hiding. The question is, how do you go about it without tarnishing what you’ve only just salvaged? What should you say, and how should you say it? The amount of times you’ve stuck your foot in your mouth while trying to do the right thing is not insignificant. But if you don’t tell them now, you might not get the chance again.

“I still haven’t told you…” Your eyes follow the curve of his face, the familiar way with which he lets your hand cradle his cheek, and in spite of everything a smile sneaks its way forward for the first time in ages. “I never stopped loving you, you know,” you whisper. “I care about you both — more than I’ve ever had the courage to say.”

Slowly, surely, you find yourself stretching onto your toes, finally feeling brave.

His vents breath against your palms, warm steam tickling between your fingers. Telltale fumes itch beneath your nose that smell faintly of burnt wires and old oil. 

A sputtering core kicks into third gear as your face nears his. Electricity bounces from his casing to dance against your fingertips until you’re breathless and floating. You can almost taste the cold metal beneath your lips, just a breath standing between them now. Almost. Almost.

“You have to let us go.”

Your blood freezes over, paralyzing you to the core. You don’t immediately pull back for fear of what you might find. But you have to face the music eventually.

Moon is painstakingly careful as he cleans your tears with the base of his thumb. He looks you over mournfully as though taking in your presence one last time. Then he laughs, short and sweet. “Nap time is over, starlight.”

You wake up.

The pillow is wet beneath your cheek, salty and cold. You stare at the wall bleary eyed, feeling an ache in your chest that eats at you now more than ever. How pitiful, how cruel, to be haunted by missed opportunities. Guilty pleasures of received forgiveness and enough time to make things right. The chance to fix everything held just out of your reach.

You turn against your pillow to reach the other side, taking your blankets with you, but even with their weight at your shoulders you feel impossibly cold. There is nothing to reach for anymore.

The glow of a television paints your back. Turned to the news, it’s been left on all night. You remember now. You remember everything.

The reporter talks about a fire.

You try to will yourself back to sleep.

[secriden]

so i wonder if anyone else has thoughts about mame's choices regarding sky vs tongrak's stories and how she tackled the complexity of loving and being loved.

when i first heard about love sea, i saw a lot of people say that fortpeat were just re-cast as sky and prapai but with tongrak being older and richer than mahasamut. personally, i think that's a pretty reductionist view because mame explored the idea of being afraid to love and be loved from very different angles and perspective in these two stories.

i will give that there are some similarities on the surface - peat's character does that whole 'pretends to hate it but secretly loves it' thing; the cat-like 'push and pull' thing and fort's character is still a overly excited, loveable golden retriever of a human being with a strong sense of self; also both sky and tongrak have had experiences which make them both fearful of 'love'.

but i think while sky's main fear is being loved, tongrak's is very much a fear of loving.

like, sky's story is very... raw. it's an exposed nerve, tender and painful and present. sky's fear is so immediately tied to his trauma which he's still in the throes of. the betrayal he faced was from the one who claimed to love him and it's telling that sky's first flashback is not triggered by his feelings FOR prapai but by prapai expressing his 'love' for him. this trauma is intimate and physical and close, but that means that the start of his healing journey can begin because of an external force (prapai) giving him that safety but also physically removing the threat. when sky begins to feel safe again, he is able to begin healing.

in contrast: tongrak's trauma is relatively... hmmm, separated (? not the best word but...) on a physical level. it doesn't make it less or even less painful (or more, or more painful), but his fear of love largely stems from how he sees the people immediately around him being hurt by love. he's internalised the idea that love doesn't last. mahasamut starts confessing his feelings pretty early on; like episode 4 mahasamut straight up goes, 'well you can't stop me from loving you' and tongrak's disapproving but he's not triggered. what's the difference between this and episode 10, i think, is that tongrak's actively fighting his own awareness of his feelings for mahasamut. it's why his fight or flight response is triggered by vie calling him out about his feelings in episode 8 and also why he tries to force parameters back into their relationship (my take: i don't care if you love me but i won't love you) in episode 10. but it's also why his healing doesn't actually come from an external force - yes, vie kind of knocks him out of his depressed stupor by hiding the bracelet, but note that tongrak's has that breakdown realisation ('please come back, i'm sorry, i'm sorry, can't you please come back to me? i'm afraid you'll end up hating me (emphasis added) if you love me') before he has that chat with vie. he's already realised that the root of his fear of mahasamut's love isn't the love itself, but the fear that if he admits his own love for mahasamut, it will eventually get betrayed. it's also why even after he resolves that he wants to try at a relationship with mahasamut, he still can't say it. at this point, his father's a non-entity in terms of the fear of him going after his loved ones - he's already been proven a weakling and a coward and also they're physically on the island so removed from jak that it shouldn't be an immediate fear anymore. no; this struggle is completely internal and it's why we linger on his heartbreaking attempts to confess (also, love sea had some pacing issues but i'm so so grateful they took time to show this part; bless fort for insisting on it!). tongrak's afraid to love but he pushes and pushes himself, and finally breaks through and its entirely on his own terms because of his own strength.

i'm not saying sky's weaker for (in a sense) needing someone else to rescue him before he could heal, but i think it just speaks to mame really telling quite a different story of healing with tongrak.

like... have you ever thought you'd healed from something and then it comes back in an unexpected way but then your response to the trigger is also different? the pain is there but it's... at once deeper but also more distant? a deep pulse rather than a high pitched shriek? and the way you go about beginning this new phase of healing is also different? i think that's whats happening here.

it's fascinating how us humans can fear vulnerability in so many ways, so many forms, on so many levels but i think the lesson mame's stories tell is that sometimes it really is worth it to become vulnerable. not with everyone, and not all the time (goodness, that would be foolish). but also, keep holding onto hope. keep looking for that right person, keep being kind to yourself and others. know that it's ok if your healing feels different, if you didn't catch it some point in the past, its not too late.

you'll be ok.