#mainly bc I want to get these out BEFORE I do a rewatch

[quillyfied]

Okay next batch of episode thoughts that I don’t know that I can expand into real coherent thoughts so heck it we’re doing it live and cramming them together, no chronology just memory vibes, PART TWO:

- “that’s six inches of silver in your scapula” MADAM.

- They’re doing an amazing job of showing Izzy in a pure pathetic state. I still have a lot of conflicted emotions about him but his increased confidence and ease around the ship BECAUSE the crew is taking time to be kind to him is…it’s. I don’t. GOLD UNICORN LEG OKAY. THE CARE THEY ARE SHOWING HIM AND HE DOES NOT DESERVE IT AND HE KNOWS IT AND HE BELIEVES IT BUT IT IS CHANGING HIM FOR THE BETTER ANYWAY.

- once again my expectations are being undercut. Of course Buttons isn’t the rabbit. Silly of me to think that. Of course he isn’t going to screw up turning into a seagull. He’s Buttons.

- …he’s coming back, though, right?? Guys Buttons is coming back at some point, right????

- Hang on have to go giggle about Izzy dragging himself across the floor mumbling existential horrors and shouting at the unicorn and then barking at people knocking on his door.

- Also have to giggle about the two halves of the crew coming at each other trying to help in two different ways and talking it through on their own, without Stede’s direct interference. I’m so proud of them.

- Wee John might just be slowly transforming into a mermaid. And I want his sweater.

- Ed referring to himself and the rabbit as lone wolves but immediately imprinting on the thing—and it not leaving him, either.

- HES SCARED OF SPIDERS

- How instantly Ed is glad to see Mary and Anne though. And the secret handshake with Anne. I cry.

- I also cry over how Anne instantly smells blood in the water with Stede before even knowing his connection to Ed.

- Like I guess Buttons not coming back makes sense bc he gave the most profound advice of the entire show and then flew off as a seagull, thereby completing his life’s dream, but have they considered the fact that I will miss him.

- (And so will the crew)

- I love that Ed and Stede finally have it out and get to a point where they can start to heal. I also find it so interesting to see the difference in what the fandom thought would be important to bring up, and what the show itself seems important to bring up. Stede could have blamed Badminton for his cowardice, but he doesn’t; he owns it and makes a greater stride towards mending things with Ed and being better himself. Ed could have mentioned what Izzy said to him, but instead he’s starting to work at the greater issue of his own self-loathing and how that drove him to harming the crew. It’s entirely possible that those details will come up later, but. I think Izzy has a point when he says it’s better to patch things with fiction (or silence) than never moving on. And maybe the hashing out of this stuff belongs to fanfic, not to canon. Because the events themselves don’t matter so much to canon as does what those events represented and THAT is what is getting fixed and addressed.

- Mary Read’s whole thing about “this is what an adult relationship looks like.” I have so many conflicted personal feelings about it. The summary: never been in a romantic relationship before and now at an age where I’ve witnessed plenty but I’m terrified of how I’ll be if and when that ever happens for me, bc the only experiences I’ve got is watching others and fiction. And I just was listening to both my mom and sister in law talking about how so many women my sil’s age have gotten divorced bc their expectations for what a marriage is were unrealistic, how marriage is more like a business transaction. And I was too scared to ask for clarification at the time. And I really do wonder if Mary has a point, yknow. When the mystery fades and the magic is gone…what’s left? Bc fiction tells us one thing. Real life often tells another. Dying alone doesn’t sound fun but it sounds better than accidentally ruining my and/or someone else’s life based on a false hope, yknow?

- Anyway that’s way too personal time to move on

- TO ANNE SETTING THEIR STIFLING LIFE ABLAZE AND REALLY REKINDLING THAT ROMANCE WITH MARY. HELL YEAH LADIES GET IT.

- I know it’s never gonna be addressed but please can the satanic ship be addressed at some point, even as a throwaway line

- (Also patiently awaiting the literal translation of what the dying priest was saying)

- PUT STEDE BACK IN FINE FABRICS 1717

- The absolute ball you know they were all having with this episode. Rhys Darby your FACE when screaming at Izzy after he reiterates that it’s cursed.

- Just the sheer hope in Ed’s face as he witnesses Buttons(?) fly away, as he submits to the jumpsuit and cat bell, the enthusiasm with which he jumps in to go fishing with Fang. The man is going through it but I love seeing him so earnest

- LUCIUS THO. SO MANY THOUGHTS. First and foremost I want his outfit this season, forget Stede’s cursed suit for a minute let’s talk about how Lucius is SERVING this season (and why it’s making me more hopeful for ABBA on the soundtrack at some point)

- How Pete gets through to him by pointing out that HE LIVED BITCH. TALK ABOUT A PERSPECTIVE CHANGE. Also the various blackbeard doodles I’m dying

- Izzy turning the tables on Lucius. I love a good parallel.

- Pete tho. Marry the F out of that man, Lu, he’s a keeper.

- “Loner artsy types” EXPLAIN CALICO JACK TO ME

- AND ALSO I NEED NAMES AND DESCRIPTIONS OF THESE OTHER ARTSY LONER TYPES

- Fang is such a wonderful character and we are so blessed to have him. I was a little wary that Fang was going to try and off (or offload) Ed just to make the crew feel better, but what we got was so much softer and better. Teaching Ed in such a gentle and honest way to examine himself! To sit with himself and learn to value the company! Telling Ed that he’s been crossing boundaries for a long time and giving Ed space to apologize and process! HIS NAME IS KEVIN AND IT’S A FOUR HUNDRED YEAR OLD TRADITION.

- Listen. Listen. Listen. Shirtless Con O’Niell is. A gift. That shirtlessness belonging to the character of Izzy is a little more of a conflict for me but given that Izzy has entered his “little shit and owning it” phase, I’m inclined to enjoy it.

- Also the SHEER BALLS on Stede Bonnet to manipulate Izzy into teaching him some piracy bits. That little stutter when Izzy tries to act unaffected but still asks what Blackbeard said about him. I’m just. Omg.

- And the way Stede sucks at the practicality but he excels at the instinctive/emotional bits. How he’s so creative and genuine and absolutely won his crew’s respect and loyalty and continues to prove that he’s worth it. I ADORE Stede Bonnet.

- Okay I gotta I gotta I gotta: KISS NUMBER TWOOOOOOO. I’ve only kissed one person in my time so far but I remember the moment after that initial dam break, when it occurred to me that I was allowed to kiss this person again; something about the casual way Ed and Stede both lean in just feels the same way to me. Like this is their new normal and they like it. And ADORE Ed setting a boundary and Stede immediately respecting it. AND. THE FINGERS. THE PLAYING. Comparing their games to what Anne and Mary get up to, it does make me hopeful that a mature relationship can be comfortable and playful and sweet and not just a grind or a business transaction. Idk man.

- Now I fully forgot that the episodes have post credits scenes so my reactions to them are not included here but I’ll be rewatching all five episodes later tonight so maybe a separate little baby post about them later.

[iridescentmirrorsgenshin]

HIIIIII

Omd I love your work so much the analysation between Kaveh and Alhaitham is just so ??? (Beautiful wth I probably read like 99.9% of your work bc I just love reading the analysis between them) literally EVERYTIME you post I get so excited like it just makes me smile

Anyway if it’s not rude to ask, Ive read some of your fanfics about them and I just wanted to ask how you make them so.. accurate? Ive just recently started writing fanfics and do you have any tips?

Also knowing how much you analyse these two are there any like details about them you found out abt the pair? I would normally do it myself but im not even up to the Sumeru archon quest 😭

And another thing, do you have any head canons revolving the two or do you just stick by the canon? (If you do head canons i would LOVE TO HEAR THEM.)

Hope this isnt too much to ask!! (Also ignore my horrible punctuation it’s normally better than this i swear)

Anyway like i said your work is amazing and byebyeeee have a good night/day/afternoon

-🍀

hiya!! AHHHH i'm so glad you enjoy my brainrot analysis of these two <333 i'm way too invested so i'm happy that people are invested in them just as much!! HELPPP now i'm kicking my legs and giggling that's so sweet :'''')

firstly !?!?! thank you for checking out my fics!! and !!!!!! i'm glad you like the characterisation! :'''') when i first got into haikaveh, all i was doing was reading fics before i got to sumeru. i had ideas for writing, but i was way too scared of actually getting them up in full in case they were inaccurate, because i felt that i didn't have a great grasp on their in-game characters? (not that this fear should stop anyone - where would haikaveh nation be without the authors who wrote for haikaveh before kaveh was even released??)

personally i spent a lot of time going over their individual character stories and voice-lines, as well as constantly rewatching character trailer videos and clips where haikaveh are together onscreen, and also apart, so i could start the essay, and this definitely also helped me develop a voice for both of them in fic in terms of dialogue and inner monologues.

for me kaveh's inner monologue is going to be almost the complete opposite of alhaitham's, where kaveh's empathy comes out in overthinking, and is fuelled mainly by emotion as he tries to rationalise his perspective (in relation to interpreting alhaitham), whereas i write alhaitham's inner monologue to be more observation based, and where emotion is implied rather than stated - which i find is used in his character stories, particularly character story 5 where his past is given. although no emotions are mentioned, it's evident how essential his grandmother is to him, only there is no detail about how he felt when losing the last of his family, and having to arrange her funeral, and enrolling in the akademiya when he previously believed it to be boring, and the years spent after his graduation, up until the point where kaveh moves in - in contrast to kaveh's character stories which are extremely detail heavy in these regards.

there's a clear contrast between kaveh and alhaitham's experiencing of emotion in inner monologue, especially when it comes to alhaitham's grandmother's last wishes, as it's an impactful line about her wanting him to lead a peaceful life, and there's no further elaboration on this; the emotion is there to be interpreted, whereas kaveh will be explicit about his exact feelings at the time, and how these feelings change, or don't change.

for me, both are interesting to write, as kaveh's empathy ensures that he will be in constant motion, avidly aware of each shift of mood in any conversation, or aware of a thought that alhaitham might be chasing. if writing when alhaitham and kaveh are not in sync, then justifying kaveh's mindset and his interpretation of alhaitham can fuel the dialogue (whether it be typical banter or strained conversation). on the other hand, alhaitham's emotions are more subtextual, perhaps he'll notice kaveh beginning to frown when working, which shows that alhaitham has been staring at kaveh rather than reading, or something. i interpret his inner monologue as him being thoroughly aware of how he feels towards kaveh, and therefore he has no need to reiterate this when thinking - again, in contrast to kaveh, whose mood and feelings fluctuate depending on those around him.

those are just my personal approaches in case it's of any interest to you! if you're hesitant to write because you feel like things won't be 'in-character', i'd argue that fanfiction as a medium ensures that works can't be in-character as it won't be the game's canon; especially as characters can be reinterpreted for each person depending on the plot and the themes. in general, i'd say write whatever, and however you want, so long as you're writing something. you can come back and edit it later, and you may find that new ideas come to you as you start writing. so long as you're having fun!

as for things i like about them in terms of in-game canon(?), i would say that aside from the writing of their dialogue and their character stories, their arguments on the bulletin board posts around sumeru are so sacred and special! when you get to sumeru i highly recommend running around to find them! it feels very rewarding to click through each post to find alhaitham responding to each and every post that kaveh makes <3

additionally, there's the idea that as alhaitham accidentally created an aesthetically pleasing rug print design, with (supposedly) kaveh doing the same by creating a practical, affordable rug, mirroring each other's traits of artistry vs practicality (thanks to haikavehtimely). the devs being thorough in their haikaveh propaganda is so insane, but if i had made haikaveh i would be doing the exact same thing???

as for design inspiration, the idea of them resembling plato and aristotle in terms of their beliefs is rather interesting?? especially with kaveh talking about beauty having a whole form, in that it's a concept intrinsically understood! especially with their splash art poses in mind (which is written about in the haikaveh bible)

blessed be headcanons! i end up writing them into my fics, but i think the spaces in canon leave a lot to interpretation, so i think i end up working around that? a lot of them are domestic for me, for example, kaveh definitely has a skin/hair routine, and i think while alhaitham may not go to such lengths, he values cleanliness and has a lengthy bath time (alhaitham likes the smells of kaveh's skincare and kaveh likes the subtle smells of alhaitham's bath oils).

also!! that kitchen is TINYYY!! i think it's !?!?!? that alhaitham canonically had that research lab redesigned into a house, and approved a design that had TWO bedrooms, even after kaveh rejected the building?? i think he prioritised his dreams of a reunion over realistic living conventions and that kitchen is atrociously small, and kaveh complains about it all the time and clowns on alhaitham, so they have to scrunch up when cooking, or they establish a cooking schedule, which, a lot of the time, goes out the window, as they go to the tavern or get take away <3

thank you so much for your ask! it was really interesting to explore all these questions, i hope it's been useful to you in any way :''') and thank you for your support!

[livestock-and-bibles]

VERY curious about ur mouthwashing thoughts but also it’s been a while since ive seen the game so ive gotta rewatch a playthru augh

There’s a couple of reasons as to why I don’t have much interest in the game!!

1. Gameplay

I honestly cannot stand this new trend of horror games that are just the player talking to people, walking around, occasionally finding an object. I dislike this in the game Bad Parenting also. I’m like. Why does this have to be game? There’s no gameplays so what’s the point? I think it would’ve been more enjoyable as a novel or an animated series with the graphics it already has! It would be very striking. So yeah I find the actual gameplay very dull. Also the controls look really wonky from when I watched gameplay of it

2. Characters

I found myself not really caring too deeply about anyone? Like Curly is okay I guess, I like his design and the disability theming but his actual personality is so meh to me. Jimmy has potential but it never really explains why is inferiority complex is so deep so I’m just like ??? Barely any of the characters ever get and of their backstory or family life discussed except for Daisuke and Swansea but even then it’s very little (but those two are my favourite characters and I have very little criticism for them lol. They carried the game). I have so much hatred in my heart for the way they wrote Anya. It just feels so misogynistic to me. Like ofc the only woman on the crew has the rape as backstory + pregnancy plot. I’ve never seen that before /s. I’m just so tired of that being the only plot line women get in horror media. I understand the pregnancy is supposed to parallel with Curly’s disability but it’s still a very tired trope. Also her design is clearly ripped off of Wendy Torrance from The Shining lmao. There’s also a lot of other design elements that are kind of ripped off from Evangelion (the text on screen resembles the the title cards, Curly post accident resembles an Eva, etc.) so I just don’t really care about most of the characters and their relationships except for Daisuke and Swansea, and they don’t get enough screen time anyway lol

3. Plot

Most of the base plot is pretty good and interesting. It’s a solid premise. But I feel as though it’s kind of meandering until you get to the big twists. I was just watching like. When are we getting to the meat of the story. I do like the dual / non linear narrative, that’s always fun. Definitely some enjoyment was lost just bc I saw spoilers online, but I think a game is pretty weak if it’s enjoyment is completely lost because of spoilers, like I replay The Dark Descent all the time even though I know the ending because the story is that strong and the gameplay is fun. That’s where the game kind of suffers because the gameplay is so weak. Also I think the ending was kind of dragged out. I was watching the playthrough and I was just sitting there like. When will this be over. I get it Jimmy is terrible. We do not need five more scenes about this. There are some really fun moments though, like when he eats Curly’s leg or when Swansea mercy kills Daisuke (That’s always a trope I love) Though those are the only scenes I can remember where I was genuinely enjoying the game.

Overall I feel that the game was more style over substance, and a lot of it just wasn’t really my cup of tea when it comes to games. Don’t even get me started on how the fandoms seems to ignore Swansea (an old fat guy) and Daisuke (the only person of colour). Like y’all’s ageism, fatphobia, and racism is really showing guys. I see how y’all favour the white, conventionally attractive characters over these two,

I really wanted to enjoy the game. I really did. But alas. It just wasn’t really my vibe when it comes to horror games and I can be picky so it’s not to say that my opinion is the only correct one, it’s just how I feel. It was mainly the gameplay that I had a problem with, I just can’t get into walking simulator games lol

[stuck-in-the-ghost-zone]

HIII I KNOW. A LITTLE BIT ABOUT ANNIHILATION. PERIPHERALLY. ive seen like part of it but i do NOT remember much. except that its one of the prettiest movies ive ever seen. that being said im so eyes emoji abt ur au..... r there any specific scenes frm the movie ur thinking about?? how would the character dynamics differ from either canon?? etc etc etc!!!

GOD I FUCKING LOOOOOVE ANNIHILATION. ONE OF MY TOP 5 FAVORITE MOVIES OF ALL TIME EVER. yes yes yes yes yes OK. so this is. all encompassing crossover jrwi au which means I'm pulling characters from different campaigns. which. usually im not a huge fan of but i think i pulled it off rlly well in a limited sense here bc i have very specific reasoning behind why i put each character where. u will know at least two of them and they WILL cause you psychic damage so trust me when i say the other ones will too. putting this under a cut bc im gonna ramble

BASICALLYYYYY it's gonna follow the plot of the movie pretty closely just with slightly altered character dynamics + each of their reasons for going into the shimmer. so each person on the Current Team has lost someone on a previous expedition, and basically all of them are trying to find answers for what happened to their loved ones.

im gonna talk mainly about the ones you know because youll understand where I'm coming from the best with them but just know I am OBSESSED w the roles I have put gillion and chip in here. god I miss riptide every day .

DAKOTA COLE AS ANYA. Anya is the retired paramedic !! she's the one that. hold everything. gets killed by the fucked up bear. smile. that was just a fun little coincidence for me . ORIGINALLY I was dead set on having the pd representative be william bc im biased and I love him but after rewatching the movie I just think dakota fits in anyas place so perfectly. she's the most outgoing of the group, she's the one that initially invites Lena to join their team (also side note there is a pre-existing dynamic between dakota and chip because they've had MULTIPLE interactions in various what if crossover episodes and their dynamic is one of my favorite things ever). she's also the most aggressive. she's the first one to snap into action mode after finding the body in the pool, she's the one to take josie away from it and has a very protective stance over josie for the rest of the time after that (this is going to be relevant i am gonna talk about josie next) . once the group starts arguing about whether they want to continue further into the shimmer, anya shifts into a VERY black and white mentality, pinning ventress as The Bad Guy immediately for wanting to continue. and then when Lena shows some hesitancy over what she wants to do, anya snaps into a "youre either with me or against me" mindset. she also has this growing sense of paranoia ever since they find the tape of what appears to be the previous crew killing each other, and after she learns Lena is lying to them about her connection with Kane she goes way overboard with tying them to chairs and threatening to kill them. while i don't think dakota would necessarily go that far I DID say this to jonesy when we were rewatching the movie together so. bfu connecting two dots meme

anyway i think dakota is in the shimmer looking for william AND vyncent. parallels to the "dakota leaves for 10 months without telling them" which is why the three of them would be separated in the first place. william somehow finds out about the southern reach and his draw toward a mystery is what causes him to join the first expedition. vyncent goes with him because he can sense it's dangerous (and basically a suicide mission) and doesn't want william to go alone. I have. ideas. for what happens to them in the shimmer but they are vague at best right now and even then. dakota never finds out what happens to them before he's killed by the bear. the bear uses their voices to draw him out btw. smile. he dies protecting thr rest of the group even immediately after his paranoid breakdown.

OK THAT GOT LONG. OOPS. ONTO THE SECOND ONE

SHILO AS JOSIE. ohhhhh josie radek one of my favorite characters in media of all time. God I love her so much. anyway she's the only one of the current expedition with no previous combat training, so she's often seen by the rest of them as someone who needs to be protected. if I'm remembering correctly she's also the youngest. (in this. au. dakota would be older than shilo. feels better in my mind. none of them would be Kids they'd all be adults at this point but I'd put shilo in early 20s and dakota maybe in mid 20s. so . still young.) shilo is in the shimmer looking for his twin brother who went missing. somehow he was able to track down the southern reach and find out emizel was part of a previous expedition, and desperately wants to get him back. he's the one with the LEAST amount of knowledge going into the shimmer. he doesn't realize it's a suicide mission. he just wants his brother back. anyway when they get to the first outpost they find the remnants of the first team's base of operations, with names on a guard patrol rotation and leftover weapons and. a video camera. with a tape in a plastic bag labeled "for those who follow". josie is the one holding the camera when they watch it. the tape shows members of the previous party in the abandoned pool, one guy tied to a chair while the others cut open his abdomen to show his intestines moving around like snakes or worms. in the movie, the guy who cuts him open is Kane, Lena's husband. the rest of the party doesn't know her connection to kane, and she knows now if she tells them they won't trust her (and is proven correct by this when anya eventually finds out her connection) ANYWAY I'm going off track. sorry this is my favorite scene in the whole movie I get distracted. ANYWAY so when they see this, josie is the most immediately horrified by it because she's the only one who hasn't seen anything as gruesome as that before. for shilo. well. he gets to see the one being cut open is emizel. and then later when they get to the pool and find the body still there (again. josie is the one to find this. she's also the one who reaches down into the old dirty water and accidentally picks up the knife. which was still left in the same place they saw it be dropped in the tape) corpse plastered to the wall by all kinds of multicolored fungus and lichen, I think shilo doesn't immediately break down, he doesn't really. process it right away. I mean it's completely unrecognizable. it's not until he accidentally picks up the knife that it all clicks into place in his mind and he realizes "that thing right there used to be my fucking brother" and completely shuts down. runs out of the complex, dakota has to chase him down because they all know its dangerous to go anywhere alone, etc. after this he loses any sense of purpose, the only reason he came into the shimmer in the first place was to get emizel back and now seeing what happened I think he just gets. hopeless. which is the beginning of the end for him . i haven't decided if his exact death is the same as josies but i want it to be peaceful in the same sort of way. "imagine dying frightened and in pain and having that be the only part of you which survives... i wouldnt like that at all" "ventress wants to face it.. you want to fight it... im not sure i want either of those things...." josie radek i am in love with you. anyway. annihilation pool scene for you because I love this image more than anything

[icharchivist]

I think you said Siete and Lucanis would get on fine but would Solas like him?

Actually, also, do you think you could leave Lucanis and Solas in a room together or would they be at each other's throats?

Solas and Lucanis?

They do interreact in late game so i have a few ideas about that.

Contains Veilguard spoilers, and unfortunately some negativity about it too:

Mainly esp with a romanced Lucanis, Lucanis wants to kill Solas for what he did to Rook. So huh. Well. That's already not exactly a stellar start. Though he does say that if Rook wants to spare Solas, he will follow Rook's desire -- but if Solas even endanger Rook even once, Lucanis will not hesitate to kill him.

Meanwhile Solas feels a lot of pity for Lucanis. Both Lucanis AND Spite were forced into cohabitating and Solas comments that it's a horrible thing to inflict over two souls. He even offers that, at the end of all things, he could separate them if they wanted. Both Lucanis and Spite refuse on the spot because not only they came to an agreement, but they don't trust him. Not after what he did to Rook. And Spite comments that all he smells over Solas are tears and lies.

(Solas was responsible for the thing that got Rook locked away for a few weeks, and if Solas' plan went according to him, Rook wouldn't have been let out. Lucanis mentions that he cannot bear the thought of losing Rook and those past few weeks are hinted to have been agonizing for him. So even outside of just "you hurt Rook" i think the fact he felt like hell for a few weeks also makes him want to kill Solas. He does fall back on revenge a lot, especially while fuelled by a Spite demon.)

Before that, i'd have to rewatch the Solas regrets scenes to refresh myself on Lucanis' feelings about it but i think i recall Lucanis being a bit more on the understanding side? or maybe i'm projecting.

But i think Lucanis would understand where Solas is coming from but he can't accept the cost or the means to get there. He always saw what a threat Solas could be, and after he hurt Rook this was done and over for him. I think Lucanis will remain hostile because he's good at holding a grudge.

One thing the game never really mentions but is from the books is that Lucanis genuinely goes out of his way to get revenges for slaves and free them. I always thought it would be relavent to connecting with Solas or not because like. The extreme Lucanis goes through to punish slavers and anyone who enable them should be something Solas would connect to. In the same book we see Solas ruthlessly punish slavers as well. As per the books, i think the two of them would actually relate and understand each other a lot. and i think Solas would like the extends in which Lucanis is ready to go to free slaves outside of his orders.

In a way both Solas and Lucanis were forged to become weapons by a matriarch figure in their lives. Solas just eventually rebelled, while Lucanis still is loyal to her, even though he breaks away from it to disobey and free slaves. And i think it's like. In the Books, we have kind of this built up of how Lucanis is more like when Solas was still young, still in the service of Mythal, yet still unable to look away from the misery of people.

And they're both pretty mellow people. They're understanding and listens to others a lot. They have their share of hyperfixation. I didn't pick the option but i think Lucanis also doesn't like tea so it makes them bond on that.

But at their core they are freedom fighter who had been molded into giving death only. Solas broke free from it. Lucanis didn't but he disobey when he can.

The game....... doesn't really touch on that. In fact it barely even touch on Lucanis' complicated feelings toward Caterina despite being a perfect foil to Solas being molded by Mythal to be who he is. .... the game also pretty much just makes Caterina a loving Grandmother, which is understandable bc she has been missing Lucanis when he was gone for one year, but therefore makes nothing to address the very complicated dynamic in the Dellamorte family as it is hinted in the book.

If their storylines focused more on that, i feel like they would see more of each other into the other, or at least Solas would see himself in Lucanis, because i don't know if Lucanis is self aware enough to really understand the depth of the abuse he went through with Caterina.

And the problem with Veilguard imo is that, while i love the storyline and i love Spite, focusing all of Lucanis' struggles on Spite leaves no room to actually address the deep root of his trauma (i mean there's Illario but. I think overthinkers can manage to tie the plot back together but the game itself will do very little effort to dive deeper into how it plays on both their CPTSD.). Lucanis has both CPTSD and PTSD. CPTSD because of the Crows, and PTSD because of the experiments made on him the past year. The game only really dive into the PTSD and the way it intersect with the CPTSD when you free him from PTSD prison -- but it does very little to address the CPTSD. Which i get because this would be long and hard (but the ending of this quest makes it very bitter to me), but is definitely something i have to take into account here.

But as the game goes... I don't know i think i still need to get my thoughts more sorted about it, i had years to really dive into Lucanis' story in the book and only a month to think about his story in the game, i'm clearly not on the same level of depth here, and the bait and switch with Spite means i didn't pay enough attention early on -- which is why i'm replaying it too!

And there's also the whole.... The thing is that i think if you take the book AND game together, an idea of them together, you could get something extremely compelling about the Benevolent but Abusive Matriarch That Formed You Into A Weapon, and the Betrayal Of Those You Considered Brothers. Like i feel like if they bothered to show more about the Felassan betrayal in game aside from the revenant, there could be some introspection and elements of Lucanis putting himself in Felassan's place after Illario's betrayal. There is a concept, right here, ready to be explored, that is... just not enough invested in, and wouldn't even be something you'd bother to pick up if you hadn't read the books and read Lucanis' complicated feelings about Caterina and the depth of his bond with Illario, when the game made the two of that... very one dimensional without the context.

But Spite makes things a bit difficult. Still Solas would see that it's two souls being bound, and he detests this idea. He detests the inherent slavery, he detests the way it is altering the both of them. But he admires that they managed to make it work and he admires that Lucanis gave this opportunity to Spite as well, as humans and non mage are rarely this opened to Spirit possession and understanding.

But yeah ultimately i think the difference, especially in game, is that Lucanis is more driven by his personal feelings than the bigger picture like Solas is. So Lucanis will hold grudge over how Rook was hurt regardless of the bigger picture. And while Solas CAN get petty and arrogant with someone who is hostile to him, he's less so when he agrees he's in the wrong, and he does agree it was horrible of him to do that to Rook, so he's been withstanding Lucanis' anger. That said Solas would get rid of Lucanis if Lucanis stood in the way of his goal.

So like.

I think pre-Rook betrayal they could stand in a room together and be cordial with each other. they'd be wary of each other and have difficulties being nice, but they are professionals. They won't start fights for no reason.

(unless Solas would address the inherent slavery of the Crow system but Veilguard kinda retconned everything about it so what is there left to comment on. where is slavery even in Veilguard.)

but Post-Rook betrayal Lucanis would have a dagger out the whole time. He'd be glaring daggers. And Solas can't even be mad because he knows he has every reasons to be treated this way. If Rook tells Lucanis no, Lucanis will behave, but he will make clear he won't forgive Solas and that he's ready to kill him if he does anything wrong. If Rook does nothing, Lucanis will just keep to whatever he would have promised about it before. But if Rook is mean to Solas you can be sure Lucanis will go "AND ANOTHER THING" supporting his lover while making sure Solas feels like shit and knows the dagger is ready to go to his throat anytime.

so huh.

that's my take away. I think.

[chaotic-toby]

I might write this out or I might not, but I just had to type this out bc I will explode if I don't. Please excuse Toby's ramblings.

Okay, so I've mentioned before about how I wanted to write something about Asa Emory's childhood. Like, a collection of one-shots showcasing random thoughts about how his childhood was like. Just random things I think up.

Well, while I was walking to my third period class today, I thought of Asa Emory in high school and how much of a train wreck that would be.

As I've established before, Asa was-- and still is-- a loner. He barely had any friends in school and the few he had seemed to drift away. I'll come back to that later bc I have a whole thing about that.

Asa hated his classmates. I know that when Asa was in school, it was a completely different generation if you're thinking realistically, but this is mainly me projecting (shocker I know it /sarc) so let's just say that his classmates act similar to how high schoolers act in this day and age.

He despises them. I've seen someone headcanon that Asa hates loud noises, and after rewatching The Collector for the sixth time today, I can see it. His classmates were so loud, and everyday, he would come home overstimulated. However, as a kinda shy student, there wasn't much he could do about that, so he just tried to focus on his school work. His teachers LOVED him, though they were also a bit creeped out by him as well, but they tried their best to not judge too much. Though there were some teachers that didn't care and mistreated him but he ignore them.

Asa tried acting like he didn't care that he didn't have close friends, but when he watched people talking to their friends or partners, he would get jealous. He tried dating the few people who surprisingly took an interest in him, but those relationships never lasted long. They were either using him for sex (asexual Asa believer (I literally just thought about that as I am writing this)) or they were using him to seem nice or something. Idk. Eventually, he just gave up trying to date someone, and every time someone asked him out, he either ignored them or rudely declined.

Everytime there was a bug in the classroom, Asa would stop anyone from killing it, pick it up, open the window, and let it free. He never understood why people would get mad at him for that. It was like they wanted to see bug guts splattered on the ground.

Anyways, back to his friends. This is the part I am excited to discuss. So, I've said that Asa didn't have many friends, but he did have one that he considered a close friend at one point. I like to think he had a friend from the 7th grade all the way to the 12th. However, in the 12th grade, the friend started to hang out with another person a lot. At first, Asa didn't mind. He didn't expect his friend to only be friends with him, nor consider him their best friend. However, he soon noticed how everytime they were hanging out, and the friend's friend showed up, the friend would pay more attention to the other person than him. Again, he was fine with it. He was a quiet person anyways, and the main thing he liked to talk about was insects and gory stuff. It was understandable if his friend wanted to hang out with someone normal.

Though, this eventually evolved into his friend, not ignoring him per se, but Asa became the third wheel. Asa wanted to hang out with his friend, but his friend's friend was always there, taking all of his friend's attention. Every time he tried to start a conversation, the other person will interrupt, leaving Asa to just stand there, watching as his friend was noticeably more happier with their new best friend.

At first, he was sad. He's known his friend since the 7th grade, while the newcomer had only known them since the 10th grade. Asa had known them longer, and yet, it was obvious that his friend preferred the other person over him. He didn't cry over it. Of course not, but it did dampen his mood for a while. It led to him skipping breakfast at school just so he wouldn't have to sit beside his friend only to get ignored.

This sadness, however, eventually turned into anger. He had thoughts about killing his friend's friend, knowing full well that he could get away with it. He spent weeks planning it over. Thinking of all the things he could do to them. How he could mutilate them, if he should even keep them in the first place, or if he should put the person somewhere public so that his friend could see; could see the mistake they made. (I wanna say that that was his first ever kill and what started it all).

Welp, that's all I've thought about. None of what I've said is canon, obviously. Just my little headcanons and projecting. I love Asa so much and I wish the Collector movies were more popular :(

[odysseys-blood]

This is literally the first time ever ill do one of these after being tagged in ig bc i always forgot! anyways got tagged by @taketheringtolohac for a "9 people you want to get to know better" game!

Last Song: Sway - A Trak & AJ Christou ft. Duckwrth

i luv duckwrth and this song is super wavy someone come dance to it with me

Favorite color: Idk what to call it like a wine purple? this thang and similar shades

i also rly like deep reds too. if u ever notice i accidentally tend to use mainly the red-blue portion of the color wheel in art and its not a concious decision either it just kinda happens and i try to steer away from it every once in a while and it never sticks.

Currently Watching: nothing rly!

it takes me forever to start watching things and get through them. The last series i finished I think were Witchblade and Link Click abt a month or so ago. I was also planning to watch yuri kuma sometime soon bc i remembered ppl posting about it but i never watched it while it was airing, as well as a rewatch of banana fish bc my brother brought it up bc he was using it as a topic for his paper recently????? i dont even know why he knows it but oh. well i guess. was also gonna watch mignon but the art style is getting me and my city hunter plans have been dashed by the sheer volume of episodes scaring me for now

Sweet/Spicy/Savory: i like them all!

not sure i rly prefer one over the others but i like to bake so maybe sweet. did you know my baking enemy is cookies idk what it is but if im making my own from scratch somehow they always turn out wrong. fav thing to bake is cinnamon rolls i just havent done any in a while bc they take so long (also bc i wanna do peach cobbler style cinnamon rolls which ive done before! but that takes extra long bc of the extra toppings you have to make)

Relationship Status: who want me

Current Obsession: ok prefacing this with these r not good games and im gonna censor the names so they dont show up in tags

i got into some eroge gacha named wh*t in hell is bad back in october and it has not let up since. i filled an entire sketchbook almost w/ doodles of my mc. also replayed through nu c*rnival recently bc they added voice overs for almost the entire game for the second anniversary (ive been playing since maybe 3 months after its release). everything is on the backburner to me rn besides these games and maybe the everyday maintenance of shinozaki bc im thinking abt finishing it bc i love it. anyways forget abt those last two and look at shinozaki

Last Thing You Searched: list of mythical weapons

this was not for anything important except that i rly wanna get a black cat and name it excalibur (nicknamed cali for short). however excalibur is exclusively for if i get the litte black kitty of my dreams but if i get a cat w/ another coat eventually i have to pick a different name so i was brainstorming.

i didnt think this was so long (///￣ ￣///)

anyways ill tag @meicheesecake @feluka @beepiiboop @nil-number @theunstablejester @luminousrabbittt @scamoosh @tilapiamafia and im forgetting names but if u wanna do one then tag ur it ☆〜（ゝ。∂ )

[squeakheart]

what's Bebe's dynamic with the Blackbeard crew like? Obviously you ship her with Blackbeard but is she also shipped with the others?

ok insane rambling and some nsft soooo .. this post is going under the cut but

i mainly ship her with blackbeard buuut .. i feel like a lotta casual sex goes on in that crew so stuff w the others inevitably just happens lol? never planned to make bebe polyamorous bc i am very much not polyamorous irl but it just sorta started making sense once i started making bebe less of 'me' and more of her own character

bebe and blackbeard have a little lovey dovey thing going on bc i really like the gap moe of a big scary guy like him having a soft spot for my little mouse ^_^ not that hes not also rough and dominant with her too but. yknow. they have a special bond bc when they first meet he says some stuff that makes a big impact on her aaaand she baked him a real nice cherry pie so hes totally ride or die for her lol. i dont feel like retyping my whole ass backstory so heres bebe wiki screenshots

needless to say. important to her.

slightly less going on with the others but i would say yeah i still ship her with them

burgess and her sleep together for SURE bc um. hes hot as fuck. his huge muscles and confident charisma have captivated her .. hes an irresistable guy. i think her dynamic with him is more playful than her dynamic w teach and theres a lot of likeee him tossing her in the air and chasing her and pinning her down 🥰🥵 shes a weak little mousey but she really enjoys it

doc q and bebe are like genuine bffs bc theyre both sick forever .. chronic illness solidarity. their dynamic hovers somewhere between "platonic" and "holding each others cocks while they pee" its a special bond. they definately fuck nasty style but only when theyre not both too unwell lmao. bebe/doc started out genuinely just platonic but every day i realise more and more how fucking handsome he is so uh. call me in a week and ill probably tell you shes in love with him

van augur .. hm .. yknow i dont actually think about him and bebe that much bc i know a couple of people who ship their ocs with him already and their ocs usually spring to mind for augur before bebe! a lotta the stuff i have for her and augur is just her teasing him for being a big nerd hehe .. but sitting down and thinking about it .. sure. bebe and augur can kiss with tongue ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ if i do think about bebe/augur i usually think about my husbands transfem augur AU bc something about augur with tit growth does it for me lol

laffitte and bebe are mainly like. gossipy brunch friends who meet up for coffee and make fun of everyone else lol. also passive agressive to each other constantly. hes my least fav so they probably have the least romantic tension out of the original crew. something sexual going on tho. i think laffitte gets a little jealous of anyone who's close to blackbeard and they have weird sex about it where laffitte makes sure to let bebe uhm. know her place on the crew. hes taking his "chief of staff" position very seriously i guess

i have some stuff brewing for the later additions to the crew too but our household rewatch is only just up to impel down so i want to let myself mull them over more before i commit to any dynamics hehe

thanks for reading if u read this far. take this post timeskip bebe from my sketchpad as some kinda reward

[raysletters]

Ask game!

thank you @read-and-write-, @suseagull04 and @daisymae-12 for tagging me <33

name: ray (or the less common name that is my actual birth name that ppl on discord might know 💀)

sign: aries sun, virgo moon and escorpio rising

time: 7:47pm (what's with all these specific questions?? 💀💀)

favorite band/artist: this is so hard yall this changes by seasons ajdbkzhsdbjwdbkasbansjsj rn its taylor swift and no, i dont have tickets to see the movie and im very sick atm so if i ever see a spoiler i might scream and cry.

fun additions (bc i have never been able to decide 💀) are måneskin (AND IM SEEING THEM THE 24TH), conan gray, and twenty one pilots

last movie: i- i think it was something about rock art for my audiovisual narrative class??? bc it was either that or rwrb i think

last show: the other two on hbomax (thanks to dany's recommendation and i finished it up in like a week ahdndjsbdjsbsmdhsj), before that was heartstopper season 2 that im waiting a bit to rewatch shsksjsksjsksjskssusksj

when i created this blog (and other blogs): i have absolutely no idea. ive created several blogs for different fandoms ive been in, and then have deleted most, if not all, of them because as soon as my hyperfixation passes, i cringe at myself from literally a year ago. learning and growing and all that jazz ig. though, replying to the actual question 💀, i guess this one started to become active by july for @the-brownstone anniversary fic exchange(?

do i get asks: i think the only time ive gotten asks was on nice ask day and it was really cool, but y'all can absolutely ask me anything always (not that im really interesting, but i can give you colombian food recommendations :DDDD)

average hours of sleep: its either 4 or 12 hours, theres no in between. it all depends on my blood sugar levels yaaay /s

instruments: i have a piano in my room and all, i learned to play with my right hand thanks to youtube, but then my motor skills have never been really good, so im still struggling to learn to use both hands correctly, but oh well.

what i'm wearing: pijamas (mainly bc im really fucking sick and it hurts to breathe oh yay /s)

dream job: writer, be a book writer or script writer or journalist writer (my top three in that order), i just want to put my ideas out there in the world (which is incredibly funny when you realize ive had a writers block for ages and the diabetic!henry fic has gone more than a year without updating)

im incredibly late to this as always, but oh well. is there anyone that hasn't do it?? idk but if u see this and u haven't, ur absolutely not obligated to do it :D

[sir--crow]

Me writing today for my shinji/reader fic

I wanna have a few chapters polished before I post the first one 👀

here's a little taste though: the story is set in the main storyline. It'll jump around from the current timeline to flashbacks and all of that. The reader is gender neutral and used to be the 5th seat in Squad 5. They have a friends to lovers dynamic, but it's very slow burn bc shinjis a bitch.

anyways, expect drama since I have fomo so of course the reader is gonna be a part of an incident that went down 100 years before the current timeline.

They might also have some interactions with hueco Mundo bc I love the concept of it and want to explore it more.

Also, something important to note, is that I'm gonna try to leave a lot up to imagination reader wise. like I won't say hair color or body descriptions. it'll be vague for y'all. but there's one thing that won't be vague: the reader's Zanpakuto. it's a critical part in the plot so I couldn't create one up to interpretation. it'll have a name and a whole description, but that's it.

I'm going to try to keep each character's personality accurate, but sometimes it might get a bit ooc. mainly that'll be me exploring a part of the character that I didn't see enough in the manga, like I wanna give justice to shinjis strength (he deserved more in tybw 😭) and his kindness. also orihime is a sweet child that deserves no harm. she went through trauma that isn't nearly recognized enough. I'll also explore Zanpakutos more since I love that shit. (and personified hollows like White Ichigo)

Finally, the reason why it's taking me a bit to get this out is bc I'm currently rewriting it/starting from scratch. I do have 200 pages of content, but it's all in first and third perspective with my own OC. It's also old and has a lot of things I would change now, but I'm using it for ideas/rewriting it in a second perspective. I can always post a chapter of it if y'all want to see something. a crumb.

that's all, sorry for another rant. I've been rewatching bleach, writing, and realized that this account was going to get dusty if I didn't post an update soon (my bad)

-Nico :)

[numetaljackdog]

what i'm listening to 5/5/2023 (song notes under cut)

spot. link//yt link

Laura Les - Haunted: haunted. by laura les.

Machine Girl - Dumbass!!: i was listening to a whole bunch of machine girl in the lead-up to the gecs n girl show and i feel like it made me a bigger fan than i had been previously. i honestly still am not like the most familiar with their individual songs but this is one of the ones that sticks with me. NO SUCH THING AS THE BOOGEYMAN!!!!

Cracked Out - If You Leave Me I'll Kill Myself: pretty tasteless but as soon as i came across this post and listened to it i was immediately hooked on this song. it reminds me of the dumb edgy comedy bullshit i would have listened to as a tween, but like, the better side of that stuff. it was basically impossible to find much of anything about this group, so the spotify track is a local file that you guys won't be able to play, and it wasn't on youtube so i actually uploaded it myself this morning just to put it in the playlist lol

Sum 41 - In Too Deep: i feel like sum 41 tends to kinda get dismissed as part of the obnoxious skate punk scene of the 90s-00s, and to a large extent that's fair, but man did they have some good hits. i feel like edgy teen songs like these really can work by being simple as long as they just hit the premise with everything they've got, and this would be an example

Tyler, The Creator - DOGTOOTH: i was very pleased when this reached the top 40, brief though its stint was. i've been getting more into tyler recently bc i feel like i've been missing out, he's really such an interesting artist and he balances a lot of different traits super well while still delivering the goods in terms of good beats, good lines, etc. seriously, "not sure what you overheard but it's probably what I said" is such a good fucking line

Nick Lutsko - A Ghost Story: would STRONGLY recommend checking out the video for this one, either in the youtube playlist or on tumblr here actually never mind i can't find it. watch it on youtube it's fun. i followed nick lutsko on youtube for a while before whatever network it was that he was producing for went under. probably machinima. i mainly knew him because of his limp bizkit parody which is funny bc i wasn't even listening to actual limp bizkit at the time. anyway i really like his voice and i'm actually glad that he's still finding success these days

Naughty By Nature - O.P.P.: as i've referenced, i've been rewatching robbydude's paper mario vods, which are very good, and in one of the early ones robby references this song and it made me look it up. and then i made this post and it was underrated. i don't really have anything else to say it's just a good classic rap song

Slipknot - Left Behind: putting this here as more of a landmark to represent that i've been listening to iowa (the album this is from) a lot in general. i've had slipknot on the brain recently more than usual (not for any reason of course. winks) and reminded myself of why everyone loves iowa so much. it's so fucking brutal and biting... nu metal <3

Busta Rhymes - Woo Hah!!: honestly another one where it's like yeah idk this is just a classic what do you want me to say. busta's a legend and this song is legendary and he tears it up and it's good

Sweet Trip - Tekka: probably the most direct of the violet finds from this month (hi violet :3) i had never listened to sweet trip before but tekka instantly grabbed me... it's all crunchy and stuttery and has yummy synths. i especially love how it just fucking breaks down in the second half it's like that machine that's breaking down and sweating and sputtering it's almost sexual. you know

Ike & Tina Turner - I'll Never Need More Than This: so i've been on my phil spector bullshit, as you might have guessed, so i was revisiting some of his tracks to just kinda take it all in. as always, it. well it sounds really fucking good, and tina turner turned in a killer performance as always. i love. sound :)

Rowdy Rebel - Computers (feat. Bobby Shmurda): I'M SLIDIN OVER CARS WHILE I SHOOT

.

.

.

THEY THINK THAT I'M TOM CRUISE

Machine Girl - Scroll of Sorrow: it's really rather exciting. see for those in the know (which is all of you bc there's only two or three people reading this), you're aware that my mutual (hi again :3) had posted about how, at the live show, the vocalist of machine girl got up real near the crowd (including said mutual) during scroll of sorrow. as such, i was listening out for the song at my own show and well chat i'll tell you i was not able to recognize it :-) but there was one point where they got up on the railing above the pit and were singing from up there, and while it wasn't like exceptionally close to where we were at, it was still cool bc it was like hey! that's like the thing! that i heard about! :) amd anyway i like the song

Sonic The Hedgehog - His World: itsa banger... i actually heard the penny parker cover of this song from the sonic fandub way before ever hearing the original so even now i still mix up the lyrics but it's fine. i've actually never played a mainline sonic game or any video game or any media at all but i like the music

Strapping Young Lad - Oh My Fucking God: i straight up didn't know that strapping young lad was a devin townsend thing, not that i've listened to any of his other stuff. this song's weird and loud and stupid and i like it

Rae Sremmurd - No Flex Zone: okay now. based on this one and the previous song, can anyone guess what semi-popular artist playlist i was listening to this month? i tried to listen to a lot more rap this month, because i wish to learn more about this beautiful world. no flex zone has been my first exposure to rae sremmurd and it was a good one, although i like one of the guys way better than the other one. slim jxmmi i like him better

glass beach - classic j dies and goes to hell part 1: i didn't really "get" glass beach for a while, i thought they were alright, but this month they started to click (once again with some help - check out this post teehee). they're cute, earnest, and high-energy; i have to kinda be in the mood but i can get into it 👍 i've also seen the band described as sort of a modern emo type deal and while i don't yet know if i agree or disagree with that it compels me

NLE Choppa - Final Warning: straight up this dude is weird and has a weird hit on the charts rn but bc of that i was like "ok let's see what he was like before his big image change" and ended up liking some of that stuff. he's so energetic and it really gets you pumped up, which is def what i'm looking for in this type of thing. he's got some interesting lines, too. it almost makes me wish he hadn't changed at all - i feel like i missed out lol

Vanilla Ice - Prozac: okay look i try not to vanillapost too much but like i'm a little bit insane about vanilla ice. i'm obsessed with his career path and it is not uncommon for me to just sit and think about it for an hour or more. i really enjoy his nu metal stuff, at least the earlier portions of it, and this is a top-tier track from that era. real headbanger. FUNKY RHYME KILLER, THE DOPE SONG DEALER

[1d1195]

Bestie I had to search my email for the answer to the personality quiz because i took it YEARS ago lol The email said INFJ-T but then I decided to take it again because I think i have changed a bit since then lol The one I took today, i got INFP-T which is the "mediator". I think in some ways most teachers having an extroverted personality makes sense in my head lol In my head it also makes sense that might would be an ambivert but then again idk lol And i Use to LOVE those buzzfeed quizzes! I have a vivid memory of taking those quizzes with friends on the school bus ride back home in middle school lol

Your bf may have a point bc it's pretty common that when parents want to be "friends" instead of "parents" with their kids it mainly stems from other issues which then their kids are exposed to that. BUT I AM IN NO WAY DISSING YOUR MOM! literally being a parent is hard and that's just a generalization and very simplified version from what i've studied!

It's okay! I dont think any less of you or anything negative like that! Some people just don't get too much exposure with other cultures and that's okay as long as you are respectful, questions are always good to ask! Especially with Latinx/Hispanic cultures, they often get clumped together but there's a lot of diversity within those too! Ngl i BAWLED my eyes out Coco when it came out and I saw it in theaters with my parents and they cried too lol But its a yearly rewatch just to cry lol especially since my family actually celebrates the day of the dead it's in some ways therapeutic lol and I've never seen Encanto but i have seen clips and generational trauma is REAL so i understand how people found it so appealing, plus the songs were catchy lol And don't worry about unloading! At least for me, if it got too much I would tell you and I feel comfortable to do so because I know you wouldn't do anything with negative intention!

i will be SAT when you get to TA Harry! my TA is just SO AHHH like idk something about his vibe is something! Like he exudes confidence but not in a way where he's a jerk! plus bestie... HE HAS A SLEEVE OF TATTOOS! he wore a short sleeve today and ugh😵‍💫 I was going crazy in my head! i HIGHLY recommend going to a drag show! i love the drag scene! I think you would probably enjoy a nice drag brunch since those are mainly not in clubs or late at night lol But i do get not wanting to do too much when it's not needed lol like I DONT BLAME YOU!

BAHAH A COUPON! i kind of love thinking of it like that now! And my week is going okay! I went to the bookstore on campus today and got one of those "blind date" with a book so that was fun! I hope your week is going good!! ILY SO MUCH!! thank you for always taking the time to read my messages and responding 😭-💜

I so had a feeling we'd be similar!!! INFJ/INFP either way. I know there's a distinction but four out of five is pretty normal.

No my mom is def one of my best friends and that comes with good and bad. My mom relies heavily on me emotionally and kind of physically. My dad's in rough shape and my sister is also one of my bff's but she's useless when it comes to family stuff. Do you have siblings? I think you said you were an eldest daughter (but I totally could have made that up).

Okay long-winded thing that I talked about with my sister the other day, here we go: I saw this thing that said "you're only remembered for three generations." I thought that was so devastating and tragic because I hardly know my great-grandparents and I know NOTHING about anyone before them. I think I said to my sister word-for-word: "ya know, Day of the Dead is where it's at. That's how you're remembered that is the nicest, sweetest way to remember your family, your heritage." Like I'm really into my ancestry and I want to know more (but there's really not much about us--bunch of European peasants more than likely HAHAHAHAHA). But part of me wants to write an autobiography (it would probs be the MOST boring biography in the history of the world). It just seems sad to me that after a few generations I'll be forgotten, through no one's fault or anything. It's not like I'll be a famous politician or celebrity or a composer. It's just so wild. Anyway, all of this to say I think Day of the Dead is SO nice and cool (also it kicks of my b-day month) But I would love to learn more about your culture if you'd like to share! 💕

A SLEEVE OF TATTOOS OKAY SAY LESS 😍🤤 I'd melt. TA-Harry is writing itself! I have a thing about forearms--not like in a WEIRD way just like okay what was the reason for someone's forearm to look sexy? Like how does that work. There might just be something wrong with my brain.

OMG I've never tried a blind-date with a book! I love it! That sounds like so much fun! Let me know how you like!

LOVE YOU!

xoxo

[wannaliveattheholidayinn]

fun tag game? fun tag game. ty @janelevy for the tag <3

what book are you currently reading? 

i just finished i'm glad my mom died by jennette mccurdy, so now i'll probably move onto loveless by alice oseman or iron widow by xiran jay zhao

what’s your favorite movie you saw in theaters this year? 

i,,, genuinely cannot remember going to a single movie in theaters this year. i'm pretty certain i never went into theaters this year. although, now that i'm thinking my local theater did host a viewing of goncharov-

what do you usually wear? 

um,,, mainly,,, like dresses or shirts tucked into skirts. i don't own many "masculine" clothes and i'm just generally more comfy in "feminine" clothes

how tall are you? 

uh,,, 5'2 or 5'3 i think. i'm pretty short. i'm the shortest of my friend group

what’s your star sign? 

gemini !

do you go by your name or a nickname?

i'll go by anything if you clear it with me first. hannah? sure. 04? sure. jamie? sure. stan? sure. munchkin? ... sure, fine [redacted]

did you grow up to become what you wanted to be when you were a child? 

uh,,, so i'm in (community) college now w an undecided major (which funnily enough, i did not want to go to college when i was little), but i'm pretty sure i'm going into education. little me wasn't exactly sure what i wanted to grow up to be, i flip-flopped around a bit, but i clung onto actor for a while so,,, no, not really

are you in a relationship? if not, who is your crush if you have one? 

i am very single. i do have a crush on someone (two someones, actually), but i'm scared they'll find my tumblr so they'll remain unnamed. i do also have many crushes on celebrities who have no idea i exist

dogs or cats?

don't make me choose... okay fine, cats

if you draw/write, or create in any way, what’s your favorite picture/favorite line/favorite etc. from something you created this year?

oooh i am a fanfic writer (ik, i'm really cool /s), and my favorite fic has got to be this zep fic i wrote (pas de deux) kiss me backstage, in part bc it's just really personal. i'd say my favorite line in it is "She stepped away, wanting to see how he’d react before going. He seemed a little shocked, but slowly, a smile played at the edge of his lips. She smiled and then ran for her life towards the wings, because Jesus, she was late." what can i say, i'm a romantic who spent their final show of dance running to and from the wings

what’s something you would like to create content for?

ooooh um... maybe the west wing or wednesday or the punisher. definitely would like to write something for jessica jones. maybe if i'm feeling daring, derry girls?

what’s something you’re currently obsessed with? 

the west wing. did a rewatch a month or so back bc of hln and i remembered how much i love it. derry girls, abbott elementary, and she-hulk attorney at law have all been taking up considerable space in my head, especially derry girls. also, weirdly, the punisher, which i've only seen one episode and clips of

what’s something you were excited about that turned out to be disappointing this year? 

... first kill. i tried really hard to like it, but idk there was a lot about it that rubbed me the wrong way and i just couldn't get into it the way i wanted to

what’s a hidden talent of yours?

um,,, it's not very hidden, but i have a pretty good singing voice. idk most ppl on here don't know and it isn't something i talk a lot abt with ppl i don't know... or maybe my hidden talent is the ability to ramble on for any given topic i'm somewhat passionate/invested in for hours on end, which i have done before

are you religious?

i'm not,,, religious, but i am somewhat observant of judaism, and i'd like to be more observant

what’s something you wish to have at this moment? 

um... i guess a friend to hug. idk, i'm kinda sad, i had to leave my family early for the holidays bc my dad caught covid and i just really wanna hug somebody... also, bc we live in a capitalist society, money

tagging @wannabe-etymologist, @pesby, @delphiniumblooms ! obviously, no pressure, if you guys don't wanna participate <3

also open to anyone who sees this and thinks it would be fun to have a go at it <3

[jemmo]

choosing to believe they're doing a fake-breakup. it wouldnt make sense for their characters but neither does a real one so

ok anon after sleeping on it and finally doing my rewatch (which hurt A LOT, just as much as the first time), ive gotta say i rlly dont know. the preview leaves a lot to be interpreted. everything could be taken at face value and equally be explained away so its a preview i cant really dig into bc i feel like its intention is to send us spiralling into madness.

what i can do is try and gauge the story they're trying to tell knowing now what we got from ep 11 and certain things that'll be said and things we'll see in ep 12. my instant response to that preview upon first watch was what?? no?? thats not it, its not happening, it cant be real. this is all a ruse, its a joke, its fake. but upon my rewatch, contextualising everything through a new lens knowing whats in that preview, i can see the narrative threads coming together. i dont exactly know how to put it into words at the moment bc its all still v fresh and raw, but its like... i see both resignation and defiance if that makes sense??? i see an acknowledgement and acceptance of all the facts plain and simple, both those that are wonderful and beautiful and those that are unfair and hurtful. them running away was always a break to process, never a solution, and thats what they have to do. they have to take it all in and slowly over the ep i do see a coming to terms. but they also come to terms with the extent of their love and commitment.

i've watched some scenes a couple of times, mainly the kiss and the scenes in the bed (not to objectify but bc i think they're honestly beautiful and resonated with me a lot), and upon multiple watches i saw them differently every time. i see it first as what it is simply, an act to reaffirm and express their love. but then i see it as a stolen moment to be that close before everything is torn away. then i see it as as an act of defiance, as in no matter what the world tries to take from them they cant change the fact they've had that, been that close, been together. then i see it as vulnerability, them being in a place, an environment that feels safe for them, being with a person they can trust whole heartedly to bare their soul to. and its a lot more things and i dont know what it meant to them, if it was none of these or all of these, but i guess what im trying to say is that this ep wasn't simply an ode to a relationship destined to be lost. in bittersweetness there's also kind of rebellion, bc bittersweet moments are made when you know you shouldnt do something but do it anyway. in this ep in all its emotional moments i see unbreakable and unparalleled strength. and you can predict from that what you like. you can believe that means they will not break up, they have a plan, they will not let the world separate them again. or you can believe that they break up but that strength will live on and be the life force that pulls them towards the inevitability of them coming back together. im not in the headspace for prediction, but the fact i can see that strength still is enough for me.

and to get back to your ask, i think i ultimately dont know what i 'choose' to believe. a fake break up almost feels too much like a punch in the face, like i dont want this to be solved with more lies and deceit, especially not from pat and pran who have always had that forced on them and vehemently tried to reject it. and it feels like a cop out to have such an emotionally heavy ep and leave us with those crumbs to have it be fake. i know they like to mislead and play us with previews sometimes, but we're at a place where i don't want to play games, not with this much at stake. so i believe its real, bc as much as that hurts, i can see it. i said before id accept a break up if it made narrative sense. and after ep 10 it didnt make narrative sense to me, but i think that was my optimism talking. i believed in that moment that these two boys wanted to take on the world and fight it, but the enemy has always felt too big. its like they saw the monster in the distance and felt strong enough to fight it, but when you're right in front of it and its 10x bigger than you and you're faced with something that feels insurmountable, i just... i dont want them to be blamed for being weak. not everyone can take everything on. theyve both had the weight of the world thrust upon their shoulders for too long and being together only makes the weight heavier in some ways, bc you want to carry it for that other person even if it crushes you. thats a horrid truth, and at some point exhaustion kicks in and you just have to remove yourself. you have to see the world beyond those two houses on that street and realise yes there's places we could be together but that life is more complicated than that, and beyond those houses is also university and work and friends and family and everything else.

thats the thing about love, and specifically pat and pran's love. its always been so self contained for them, and that amplifies that feeling of it being the be all and end all, the feeling its the most important feeling in the world. but from the outside you can never know what its like on the inside. you look at other's love as something simple, small, just another facet of life. we've been allowed inside and we see it for how huge it feels for them, and thats why its hard for us to reconcile with the fact that now they're letting it go for something else. happiness should not have to come at the expense of pain, but sometimes it does, so what do you do?? what do you do when all options lead to hurt?? when the world feels so hostile to everything you are and wanna be, whats the step forward?? whats the sacrifice you have to make?? i think that sacrifice is time. they dont want to sacrifice people, their families or each other, so they sacrifice time, with a belief that time is enough to fix, time can mend, time can reunite as it has before and when it comes, that the best way to defy the world is to not look back on the time lost, but the time you have ahead, where finally the brightness of the future can shine.

(sos this was soooo ranty but this is the first times im putting my thoughts into words and theyre very messy and emotionally charged and my head and heart are fistfighting but yeah... its a lot)

[spikedru]

hey i wanted to ask! bc i remember you saying how you felt about spuffy but you hadn't rewatched s7 yet. did that affect how you saw them at all? also if you're okay answering, what do you think of seeing red? I've recently begun to think of it as. kind of out of character. like i know spuffy was downward spiraling but it kind of felt like seeing red was "what should we have happen so that things get super bad and spike goes and gets a soul" and not actually something that spike would. have really done? idk. I'm not a spuffy fan but i do think things about that episode

i still havent actually rewatched s7 lol i had been rewatching s6 back in march last year but stopped right before riley showed up again and didnt get around to picking it back up haha. ill probably think about doing a full series rewatch and liveblog after i graduate college (so sometime during the summer) and actually try to get through to the end

that being said i have not actually sat down and rewatched seeing red since the first time i watched the series. so. almost a decade ? at this point ? if thats any indication of how i feel about that episode. it has been a while. its on par with the body in terms of episodes that i never really want to rewatch (though for completely different reasons, obviously) more thoughts below

the way i tend to view seeing red is that of poorly thought through shock value writing. i agree with you in that it feels like a writers decision to have the worst thing happen in order to motivate spike to seek his soul, and not something that feels correct to the character. already by that point you have spike reflecting on their tryst and realizing the way things were was not making either of them truly happy, so it would not take that much prodding for him to realize something had to change. there are other ways to get spike to his breaking point without having to subject buffy to sexual violence. even though their relationship was volatile and played with gray areas of consent, i never got the impression that spike would truly violate buffy's consent. i think writing in an attempted rape affects the way the audience views them on a much deeper level than the writers were expecting. because, a lot of the trauma that buffy endures through the show, while very real to her, has a fantasy element that places a layer of separation from the audience. most people cannot understand the despair of having to send your boyfriend to actual Hell, or the betrayal of being ripped from actual Heaven by your friends. but there are members of the audience who do know the terror and betrayal of sexual violence by their partner. so i think that aspect wasnt taken into serious enough account when deciding to have your main characters love interest and general audience favorite do something so realistically deplorable. thats why i think it was mainly a shock value decision rather than based in any way the character would actually act. not even to mention the fact like. most everyone else in the production hating having to film it and james marsters has said because of SR he will never do a scene like that ever again he hated it that much.

from the refresher ive seen of s7 (from people gifsets and spuffy scenes and meta about spike, the soul, and buffy etc) i wish we had got more of a buildup to a true spuffy reconciliation. there is so much happening in s7. so much that a lot tends to get lost or not as much time focused on in order to get to the very end. i do really think that buffy was incredibly moved and touched by spikes decision to get his soul back. personally i think the choice to get the soul is more impactful than the soul itself, as it demonstrates how remorseful spike is over the AR and his willingness to atone for it without expecting anything in return. and how buffy recognizes that and thats why shes able to forgive him and let him back into her life. but because there are only 22 episodes to fit plot into the reconciliation happens just. a little too quick. i had wished that. idk. it happened over 2ish seasons? so we see spike struggling to reconcile with his soul just a lil bit longer and him settling with it and buffy seeing that struggle while still wanting him around. idk. a lot of my problems with s7 come from pacing issues. while i have my problems with s7 as a whole, i do generally like the spuffy progression in it, even if i wanted it to take a lil longer. in all of buffys past relationships, there are things that happened that make her believe that she is somehow responsible for her partners turning bad, or thinking she is somehow lesser for being with them. but learning that spike got his soul back for her, something she views as essential and good, it shocks her that she could inspire someone to change that much for the betterment of themselves. and because of that she can truly trust him enough to love him completely.

so like long story short i hate that seeing red involved sexual violence and i wish there had been some other way to get to the point of spike realizing he needs to change, but considering the way s7 went i dont think it changes my perspective on their relationship that much. i think spike and buffy are one of the most interesting relationships on the show just by how much they change themselves and each other by being in their lives, and thats why im so invested in them

[lacystar]

the phantom - gabriel

christine - marinette

Raoul - adrien

Carlotta - chloe

madame giry - natalie

meg - alya

piangi - sabrina

the guys who buy the theatre- probably Chloe's dad or sum shit

NOTES:

listen LISTEN obviously no romance between marinette and Gabriel right but you HAVE TO LISTEN TO ME OKAY

adrien is still Gabriel's son (insert TEN YEARS OOOOOLD clip). for this reason it would probably make sense to have Natalie be a caretaker for him or something but im so attached to her being madame giry because she would serve titanic cunt in that role. Gabriel was in Adrien's life at the very beginning, very young, but then (INSERT EVENT I HAVENT DECIDED ON, prolly his wife dying and him having sth to do with it) drove him away to the theatre.

the opera house is the equivalent of the school in this situation. the classmates are all performers and shit.

the "miraculous" still exist in the form of divine talent or what have you. we exist in an altered world where magic, to an extend, does exist. no kwamis or anything, but there is like divine power at play for certain individuals (I already assumed the original story to be under this sort of umbrella due to shit like the magic lasso)

Gabriel (hawkmoth or whatever) has this unique and divine talent and obviously resides in the opera house, etc.

Chloe does not have this, but she's a whiny primadonna and is talented enough and her daddy owns the theatre so she gets what she wants regardless. events of musical begin as canon. alya volunteers marinette to sing after Chloe quits, marinette obviously has this divine power as well and performs

idk if she and adrien are childhood friends, but they definitely knew each other as kids and she had a crush on him then. he gets feelings for her as soon as he sees her sing. this mostly gives them a little time for marinette to rediscover her feelings and so plot can happen

Gabriel MAYBE recognizes adrien as possibly a son or something atp-- he has eyes all over the theatre-- and maybe thats a draw bc adrien congratulates marinette after the show and shit and hes like "oh shit thats my kid."

but moreso he recognizes himself in her-- their shared abilities-- and in his desperate freak loneliness wants to mentor her. he hypno-kidnaps her, show typical. she takes off the mask and recognizes him as Adrien's dad and FREAKS OUT.

again idk what drove Gabriel away but its not "ugliness" like with the phantom in the musical. probably a catastrophic career ruining things. rather than fashion, he and marinette share music proficiency, so I'd imagine he was a famous singer rather than designer before everything.

anyswag he threatens her but 100% disclosure after this there is no coming back for her. all of the later "contemplation" for returning to him is no longer on her. thats all adrien. marinette doesn't tell adrien because she's afraid for her life (Gabe threatening her)

things carry out as semi-normal idk I need to rewatch the musical. romance builds between marinette and adrien. we discover he ALSO has a talent for music/singing, and his initial desire to protect marinette from "the phantom" is sorta replaced with fascination. he hears the phantom sing or some shit and is like "woagh... he kinda just like me." basically the roles reverse a bit here. marinette wants nothing to do with the phantom, adrien wants to protect her still but the Hypnotism is working...... the voice is reminding him of his childhood, his dead Mom....

maybe marinette and adrien get engaged but they confess their feelings yada yada

mainly the "wishing you were somehow here again" shit is replaced with adrien and he hears Gabriel sing to him and hes like "wow that sounds like my dad" and marinette kinda comes and is like "well youre not wrong but hahaha adrien noooo". he doesn't find out but he gets close.

the trap is set or some shit. Natalie expositions to marinette as needed.

do not ask me what past the point of no return is replaced with.

marinette unmasks him onstage, he kidnaps her. adrien is like "HOLY FUCK THATS MY DAD. NATALIE WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU KNOW" and Natalies like "yeaaaah unfortunately im a #gabeapologist and I didn't want to taint whatever good image you had left of him in your head but ig this all backfired. anyways here's how to get to him."

adrien Goes. mari's in whatever Gabe's equivalent of the magic lasso is. Gabe is using her as bait-- he knows adrien will come for her (he knows they're in love-- again he has eyes everywhere)

adrien comes down. the secret's out. the mask is back on for now. adrien is having very complex feelings and is very much "let her go we will never see you again" but the deal is set: marinette's life for adrien to go free, or she gets to live and escape if adrien goes with Gabe. if Gabe can't return to the public eye, he can at least live on through his son and use him as a (literal) mouthpiece.

adrien recognizes his father there, knows they're both hurt (mom is dead), makes the conscious choice to show empathy. goes over, pulls off his dad's mask like he might've pulled off his hat after he came home from work when he was a kid. hugs him. Gabriel is stunned, hugs back, its all great.

the mob approaches. Gabe deliberates. marinette and adrien wait in tense silence. Gabe releases the lasso and tells them to leave and never return and never say what they've seen.

they go to leave. Gabe is alone on stage. the couple returns momentarily. a mirror to the "return the ring" scene but obvs not engagement ring. maybe chat-noir miraculous ring adrien has had since he was a kid- he knows he won't see his dad again after this. smth smth giving his dad smth to remember him by. a final moment between them. marinette and adrien escape together, hands intertwined.

gabe mourns alone a moment then disappears.

alya enters, calling for marinette. I dont think Gabe leaves behind the fucking mask bc that shit would look like an empty condom. maybe leaves behind a lapel or whatever his miraculous holding thingy is I dont remember. maybe the fucking moth glasses ppl get when they're akumatized. ykwim.

alya discovers it. picks it up. lifts it up to the light. lights out. the end.

BONUS: in the masquerade scene everyone's dressed as they're miraculous. so we get some chat noir in a dapper suit and a pretty ladybug dress for the couple, etc.

now you'd have to stay with me bc we'd need to remove literally ALL romance from it for obvious reasons but I think we could make a phantom of the opera mlb au work.