#maggie x jim

[leveragecentral]

Leverage + Texposts

[argon-things]

Aziraphale: Hey Crowley, why are you laughing so much?

Crowley: What? Are you saying that I can't be happy for no reason?

Maggie: Jim fell down the stairs of the bookshop.

[wejustdecidedto]

Bigfoot’s real and I don't think anyone reported it.

THE NEWSROOM | 1x04

[fiercebb]

Good Omens season 2 but it's every time I exhale through my nose:

Wrong bench

Do they know?/The ducks?

Every scene involving Gabriel/Jim (Jon Hamm is a national treasure)

James. Long for Jim, short for Gabriel.

How's your naked man friend?

I...am...dusting!

You were right, you were right, I was wrong, you were right.

You do understand I'm threatening you?

Get humans wet and staring into each others eyes, vavoom, sorted.

Jane? Austen??

She had balls!!/Well...

Like killing innocent children to win a bet with Satan?

I think the point was, if you want answers, come back when you can make a whale.

Shoemaking and obstetrics. Those have always been the twin passions of Bildad the Shuhite.

I am a professional midwife/cobbler

Wow, it's like you've looked deep into my secret soul

What car?/Our car./We don't have a car./Of course we do. Isn't she a beauty?

Crowley slapping Aziraphale's hand away from the Bentley

I'm a human police officer

Cupperty

Inspector Constable

Every scene with Muriel (she is too precious for this world)

Don't you want to hear my plan? Or, you know, go by train.

I know for some members of the police force it's a bit of a hobby.

David Tennant's accents in episode 3

The lower you start, the more opportunities you have.

Was that a travel sweet??

Crowley throwing stacks of books around

Of course. Doctor.

You'll be one of those investigative reporters, no doubt.

The awning of a new age

Listen, when there's no hot water and two yellow lights on the boiler, what is that? (Miranda Richardson killed it as Shax)

You don't seem his type at all/Sassy eyebrow raise

Go on, mister British man, wow me with your miracles

They're the bee's knees

Azirapalala

Aziraphale speaking French

Is the book seller your bit on the side?

The seamstress scene

TOSTE

Staying behind to die bravely? Good on you.

I'm not actually, either. But thank you.

Crowley's heaven outfit

You're not helping, angel

[ineffablelvrs]

now we can .... officially say that ..... good omens 2 comes out next week .... oh my god

[everythingsallticketyboo]

Just saying now, if anyone has any Good Omens fanfic requests, you can send them to me and I'll write it (depending on what it is) I haven't actually written any Good Omens fics yet, but I would like to. So if you have any requests or suggestions for something you want written, just send them to me and I'll try to get it done among the many other things and RA fanfics I have to write.

[itsdefinitely]

Minecraft End Poem

[howdoyoudothedew]

Rated: G

Pairing: Maggie/Sophie/Nate/Sterling

Word Count: ~1k

A/N: Rewatching Leverage with my mom and asked my friend which of the ideas I have spinning I should write, she said 'leverage parents' so ta-daaaa, my beloveds. This is based off the dialogue prompt "No, I'm paying" which I got from a @otp-imagines-cult post

The second the waitress puts the check down on the table and leaves, the date turns into a warzone. Honestly, Maggie’s not even surprised at this point. She is, however, rather amused. Starting Leverage, getting together with Sophie, has been good for Nate. He’s more like the man she fell in love with and married, even if he’s still broken. (He was always broken, to an extent.) It’s good for Jim, too. The change to their occasional competition keeps him more on his toes and has even loosened him, if only slightly. Which is why this is even happening.

“How can I trust that money isn’t ill-gotten gains, hm?” Jim says, raising an eyebrow. Jim, Nate, and even Sophie all have their wallets out. Maggie has her own wallet out as well, but she’s not joining in. She already knows how this one will end. While they’re distracted, she pulls out her card and places it inside the booklet for the waitress to grab when she comes back. Sophie catches her and smiles, but doesn’t put away her wallet. Maggie settles back to watch.

“Why I never!” Sophie gasps, affronted at her money even being suggested as ‘ill-gotten’. “I’ll have you know I got this money off a very rich man fair and square. I barely even had to do anything before he was handing it off to me.”

“How do we know your money wasn’t ill-gotten, hm?” Nate says, raising his own eyebrow and sitting back with his arms crossed over his chest. Jim scoffs.

“Maybe because I’m not a criminal, unlike some people,” Jim says.

“Hey!” Sophie protests again. “I am not the only criminal at this table anymore.”

“Right, because you seduced Nate to the darkside,” Jim says, voice dry.

“I’ll seduce you next,” Sophie says, despite having basically already done just that, narrowing her eyes at him.

“You know what, I’m just going to pay,” Nate says, cutting them off.

“What? No, I’m paying, you paid last time,” Sophie says and Maggie files the information away, because she had paid last time, just like she usually does. Which means Nate had gotten Hardison to sneak some of his money into her account, so he could retroactively pay for it. Which is so many more steps then needed. Also kind of annoying. She’s not exactly broke and they don’t exactly do this terribly often. She can– and will happily– pay for her datemates herself. The waitress passes by, grabbing the book absently when Maggie subtly holds it out for her. None of the others notice, thankfully, too wrapped up in their argument.

“Absolutely not,” Jim says.

“Well someone has to pay,” Sophie says.

“I’ll do it,” Nate says.

“I’m not using money when I don’t know from whence it came,” Jim says.

“From whence it came? Who even says stuff like that anymore?” Nate scoffs.

“I do,” Jim bristles.

“If he’s gonna talk like that, I’m definitely not letting him pay,” Sophie says.

“What does my speech have anything to do with paying?” Jim says, rounding on Sophie.

“It’s too posh for my taste.” Sophie sticks her nose in the air.

“Says our Lady Charlotte Prentiss,” Nate mutters into his coffee.

“Oh now you want to get in on it? And here I was defending you.”

Nate gives a half-laugh through his nose. “No you weren’t, you’re trying just as hard to get us to let you pay.”

“You’re right, I wasn’t. Now let me pay,” Sophie says.

“No, I’ll pay,” Nate says.

“I’m paying,” Jim says.

“Absolutely not,” Sophie and Nate say at the same time, which is apparently Jim’s breaking point.

“Fine! Maggie pays then.” Jim throws his arms up as well as he can get away with in a fancy restaurant and Maggie can barely keep in the amused noise.

“Fine,” Nate says.

“Fine,” Sophie agrees.

Apparently an expert at comedic timing, the waitress returns then with Maggie’s card. “Here you go. I hope you have a good night.”

“Thanks, you have a good night too,” Maggie tells her, ignoring the boys’ shocked looks for now as well as Sophie’s amused smile as she returns her card to her wallet. When she looks back at them, she pretends to be oblivious. She lets her eyes grow slightly wide and blinks a few times. “What?”

“You already paid,” Nate says.

“Someone had to and you three seemed busy, thanks to Sophie,” Maggie says.

“Wha-” Nate stares at her, eyes narrowed. Maggie can see the gears turn as he goes over her words, Sophie’s actions. Finally, he turns to Sophie. “You knew,” Nate accuses.

“Of course I knew, I’m not blind,” Sophie says and Maggie chuckles.

“Then why’d you even bother to argue about it?” Jim asks, clearly exasperated.

“Well I’m not just going to let you and Nate have all the fun, am I?” Sophie asks, a rhetorical question. “Now who’s leaving the tip?”

“Oh no, I am not doing this again,” Jim says. You absolutely will, Maggie thinks to herself. Likely not now, but definitely next time.

“All three of us will leave the tip, since Maggie was so kind to pay,” Nate says.

“That, I am surprisingly okay with,” Jim says.

“Why must you ruin all my fun?” Sophie pouts at Nate, digging out a few dollars from her wallet.

“I’m sure you’ll find some again soon, Soph,” Nate assures.

“And will give me a headache in the process,” Jim says, also pulling out a few dollars. Sophie smiles at him.

“You love it.” Jim declines to respond to her. But Maggie knows Sophie is right. Protest as he may, Jim loves all of them.

“Ready to head out?” Nate asks, standing from his chair. Maggie follows his lead.

“I think so,” she says. “It was lovely to see you all again.”

“It was lovely to see you, too, Maggie. I wish we could do this more often,” Sophie says, taking Maggie’s hands to squeeze. Sophie’s hands. They’re always cold, making her think of the old thing her grandmother used to tell her: cold hands, warm heart. With Sophie, Maggie finally has evidence towards it.

“There’s a Picasso showcase at the museum next week,” Maggie says.

“You’re just trying to give me an aneurysm at this point, aren’t you?” Jim grouses. Sophie pats his cheek.

“It’s our way of keeping you young.”

“It’s your way of giving me more gray hairs,” Sterling says.

“Does this mean you won’t go to the museum with us?”

“Someone has to keep you from stealing a very expensive painting,” Sterling says.

“So next week?”

“Next week,” the other three agree and they part ways in the parking lot, Sophie and Nate leaving together while Jim and Maggie leave separately.

[the-rainbow-suit-dude]

Version with Ineffable Husbands because they might* have a relationship** by the end of season three

*might being a keyword

**relationship as in not strictly platonic

[legendarydragonperson]

good omens S2 as those funny weird 2000s-style memes.

[clintbeifong]

For my own edification I’ve started mapping the relationship dynamics on The Newsroom

[sesamestreep]

Don/Sloan, 20

20. I’ve been looking sad in all the nicest places (from this prompt list) I don’t know what this is, honestly. I wrote a whole other fill for this prompt and decided I hated it and couldn’t finish it, then wrote this instead in like half a day. I don’t know. It’s a Good Place AU, I have next to nothing for it built out besides this snippet, that’s basically it. much love and bone apple teeth or whatever…

Sloan is on her fifth straight minute of willing her legs to work and take her back to the party—her own damn party, for Christ or whoever’s sake, she’s not really sure at this point—when someone nearly trips over her. In their defense, she is sort of hiding behind a topiary in a dark corner of the lawn, so there was no way they could have seen her, but she still finds it in herself to be annoyed.

“Could you please watch where you’re going?” she exclaims.

“Uh, sorry,” the man says, fumbling with something in his hands. “Though I don’t really see how it’s my fault that you’re sitting on the ground, in the dark. You’re basically asking to be tripped over.”

Sloan’s legs work just fine then. She stands up, straight as a pin, and throws her shoulders back, getting ready for some variation of the “I’d like to speak with your manager!” conversations she had almost daily back when she was alive.

“Here’s a tip for you,” she says, instead, with as much indignation as possible, “don’t go around accusing women of ‘asking for it’.”

The man winces. “Yeah, I heard it as soon as it was out of my mouth. That was, uh, poor form.”

The easy admission of wrongdoing shouldn’t surprise her here, where she’s allegedly surrounded by the best people ever, but it still somehow does. It helps that this guy doesn’t give the appearance of backing down from fights easily, which makes it all the more impressive that he’s doing so now.

“It’s fine,” Sloan says, backing down too. “No harm done.”

“I don’t think we’ve been introduced,” he says, holding out his hand. “I’m Don Keefer.”

“Sloan Sabbith,” she says, accepting the handshake.

“Oh, the Sloan Sabbith,” he replies, as he puts the item he’s been shuffling between his hands—a cigarette, it turns out—between his lips. He doesn’t sound impressed. She’s not sure how he sounds, but it’s probably not good.

“I suppose so.”

“This is your house,” he points out.

“Ah, yes. That Sloan Sabbith.”

“I mean, I knew you before,” Don says, and then corrects himself, “Sorry, I knew of you before. I lived in New York, when I was alive.”

“Oh, right.”

“Your name was always in the society pages.”

Sloan shrugs, not sure if humility is the right move here. She’s not certain Don would buy it. He pulls out a lighter and moves to light his cigarette.

“I guess you didn’t see the amount of fundraising I did for the American Cancer Society,” she says, frowning.

Don laughs, but he still brings the flame to the tip of the cigarette. “Sweetheart, it’s the afterlife. Lighten up.”

“I don’t like the smell.”

“Won’t be a problem,” he says, waving the hand with the cigarette between his index and middle fingers around a little bit wildly. “Neither do I. I got that robot assistant woman, uh—”

“Jenna,” Sloan interjects, over-enunciating the name for his benefit.

Jenna, of course, materializes with a soft tone at that moment, making her jump in surprise. How long does that take to get used to?

“Hi,” she says, brightly. “How can I help?”

Don looks at Sloan expectantly, and her face heats with embarrassment and irritation. She pointedly looks away, as if she hadn’t accidentally summoned the neighborhood’s virtual assistant and made a fool of herself.

“We’re good, Jenna. Thank you,” Don finally says, all charm, when it’s clear Sloan isn’t going to be helpful.

“You bet!” There’s another soft tone, slightly different, as she disappears.

“That is going to take some getting used to,” Don says, as if they’re buddies or something.

“You’ve never had an assistant before?” Sloan sniffs, aware that it’s a deeply snobby thing to say and not very concerned about it.

“Not like her.”

She whips her head around to glare at him. “Don’t be gross!”

“I meant because she’s literally omniscient,” he says, looking bored of her now. “Get your mind out of the gutter.”

“Good, because I’d hate to feel any worse for your soulmate than I already do.” Just as she’s winding up to really lay into him, she suddenly smells something strange. It smells like salt water and…something else. Something she can’t put her finger on. She steps closer to Don and inhales. “Do you—what is that?”

“I told you the smoke wouldn’t bother you,” he says, holding the cigarette aloft proudly. “When I asked Jenna for cigarettes earlier, I was worried the neighborhood would have, like, a ‘no smoking’ policy, kind of like the ‘no swearing’ thing? But she told me that, since we’re in The Good Place, the smoke wouldn’t irritate anyone, and when they smelled it, it would remind them of their most cherished childhood memory, if you can believe that.”

Sloan wouldn’t have two minutes ago but now, she’s certain she’s smelling the boardwalk in Santa Monica that she went to constantly with her family when she was young. She hasn’t been back in years, and she supposes now she never will. Suddenly, she feels tears welling in her eyes.

“Thank goodness the tobacco industry didn’t have Jenna on their side,” she says, stepping back and trying to pull herself together.

“True. Though I imagine those guys would have trouble getting into The Good Place anyway.”

“That’s a…good point.”

“So, what does the magic cigarette smoke smell like to you?” Don asks, and then shakes his head. “There’s a question I never anticipated asking anyone. Not sober, at least.”

Sloan laughs, despite herself. “It, uh, smells like the Santa Monica pier. I grew up in the Bay Area, but my cousins lived in SoCal, and we’d visit them on school breaks or vacations whenever we could. The pier was always my favorite place to go.”

When she looks up again, she finds Don smiling at her in an unguarded way she finds…unsettling. Not because it’s creepy, but because it’s familiar. She doesn’t know what that means, but she knows it’s probably a sign of trouble.

“What about you?”

“Well,” Don laughs, looking down at his shoes, “that’s sort of a funny story. You see, I gave up smoking when I was in college, after my grandad died of lung cancer. I’d like to tell you it was because I was being smart and healthy, but the truth is, the smell of the smoke reminded me too much of him. I spent a lot of my childhood with him, because both of my parents worked, so he watched me for them. He was my favorite person, and my reference point for everything, and my moral compass. After he died, it felt like I lost a piece of myself.”

Don pauses, and then shakes his head. “I don’t know why I told you all that. The important part of that story is that he, uh, smoked like a chimney and his whole house reeked of tobacco all the time. His clothes smelled like it, his car smelled like it, everything.”

“Oh, no,” Sloan says, when the penny drops for her.

“Yeah, see? You got there before me,” he says, smiling sadly. “These forking magical cigarettes, they smell like his house, his clothes, his car.”

“It just smells like tobacco to you,” she supplies, and Don nods. “And the smell reminds you of him. And it makes you sad, which is why you stopped smoking in the first place.”

“It’s like some kind of Sisyphean torture loophole,” Don says, still smoking. “You can’t make this shirt up.”

“I mean, they could,” she says, thinking of her first meeting with Will, where he had the file for her entire life, down to the most minor of details. “They’d know about you and your grandpa from your file, right? And you said that Jenna’s omniscient, so she’d know too. That’s…weird, right?”

Sloan glances over at him to find Don staring at her, not smiling this time, but with an expression of barely suppressed horror. She can tell just from the look on his face that he’s running through everything that’s happened since he got to the neighborhood in his mind and looking for more strange occurrences like that.

“Have we,” he asks, hesitantly, ��met before?”

“I don’t think so,” Sloan says, but not with as much certainty as she would have a few moments ago. “You mean, when we were alive?”

“Yeah,” Don says. “I guess that’s what I mean. You just feel familiar, in some way.”

“You did say you knew my name from the press.”

“I know, but I don’t mean familiar like that. I mean, familiar like I’ve known you for a long time.”

“We just met,” she says, as firmly as she can manage, though it feels like she’s trying to convince herself it’s true too.

“So, it’s just me?” he asks, and it’s not accusatory so much as disappointed.

Sloan feels so utterly thrown by this, she can hardly cope. It doesn’t help that in backing away from him earlier, she didn’t get nearly far enough away. She can still smell the Santa Monica pier—the sunshine and the sea air and the food stalls—but she can also smell what she suspects is Don’s cologne or soap or maybe just him—this clean, warm boyish smell—and now those two things are going to swirl together in her memory forever, and she’s going to be confused why she thinks of summer vacations whenever she’s near him. Not that she will be again anytime soon, she hopes. This has been too much for her.

“I don’t know what you want from me,” she says, still too close to him and not backing away.

Don laughs, softly, and she thinks she can smell champagne on his breath. There was plenty at the party, she remembers, even though it feels like an age ago now. He doesn’t seem drunk, though.

“I don’t know what I want from you either,” he says, watching her closely. He’s not that much taller than her, so it’s pretty easy to gaze deeply into his eyes, unfortunately, and that’s what she ends up doing.

The cigarette falls from between his fingers, and lands harmlessly, already extinguished, on the grass beneath their feet. It vanishes a second later, and a daisy sprouts in its place, which figures. This place is too good to be true, she thinks, and then catches herself. Is it? Has she been thinking that all along?

She looks back up at Don to find his gaze still riveted on her face. “Something’s wrong,” she whispers.

He steps closer to her. “What is it?”

“I don’t know, but something is definitely wrong here,” she says, and it really sounds hysterical but it’s the truth. She can feel it. “Something is not right.”

“Maybe we’re just cynics,” Don offers, with a halfhearted smile.

“Maybe.” Why hasn’t she stepped away from him yet?

“We should…get back to the party.”

“My party,” Sloan says, nodding. “Yes. We should.”

“Our partners will both be looking for us, I’m sure.”

“Right. Yes.”

Neither of them moves, not even a fraction of an inch. Sloan’s hands, seemingly of their own accord, settle on the button placket of Don’s crisp white shirt. She runs a fingertip over a button. His hands come around to rest on her elbows, holding her in place.

“You do feel familiar to me,” she says, in the direction of the button, because she’s not brave enough to say it to his face. “I don’t know why. I don’t understand…how that’s possible.”

“Neither do I, but I’m not—it doesn’t feel like a bad thing, does it?”

Sloan shakes her head, and risks lifting her gaze to his again. He’s still watching her cautiously. She feels herself lean in, and then she feels him reciprocate. They’re only a breath away from kissing when they pause, and whether it’s hesitation or savoring the moment, she’s not sure. She’s watching his face for any sign of second thoughts and finds none, which gives her the courage to lean in that last bit, to close the distance between them.

“Don,” a voice calls in the distance. “Don, are you out here?”

They break apart instantly, putting a laughable amount of distance between them as quickly as possible, as Don curses under his breath. Or tries to, at least, despite the neighborhood’s swear filter.

“Don!” the voice shouts, closer now.

“Over here,” he calls back after a second.

“Where?”

“Here! Follow the….Marco!”

“Polo!”

This, thankfully, only continues for a few moments before a petite, adorable blonde woman rounds the corner. She’s wearing a sensible cocktail dress and has a drink in one hand.

“There you are!” she says. “I’ve been looking all over for you!”

“I was just getting to know our host better,” Don says, indicating Sloan with a wave of his arm in her direction.

The woman’s gaze swivels to Sloan and her expression opens up even more. “Oh my god, Sloan Sabbith, it’s so nice to meet you! You have such a nice place here!”

“Thank you,” Sloan demurs. She’s not sure how to behave around someone whose soulmate she almost just kissed. She’s not even sure there is protocol for that scenario. It’s probably just something you’re not supposed to do.

“I’m Maggie, by the way,” she says, eagerly. “I should have started with that.”

“Maggie was a professor of ethics and moral philosophy,” Don adds, draping an arm casually around her shoulders as she nestles into his side.

“Wow,” Sloan says. She wants to punch him so much.

“Oh, don’t be impressed,” Maggie says, humbly. “I’ve spent all night talking to people who are way more inspiring than me. And, obviously, my soulmate is this guy, so…”

Don makes a pained face at Maggie’s compliment, which Sloan finds both satisfying and odd. “What’s so impressive about Don?” she asks, coolly, and doesn’t miss the way his gaze flicks over to her sarcastically.

“Oh, he refuses to brag about it, but he was this super important human rights lawyer,” Maggie replies, putting a hand on his chest proudly. “I mean, if there was a cause you cared about, I’m sure he did some legal work to advance it when he was alive!”

“Sloan is a noted humanitarian and philanthropist, Maggie,” Don objects. “I doubt she’d be impressed by my work.”

“Right, sorry,” Maggie says, looking chagrined. “You’re, like, famous!”

“I guess so.”

“No wonder you ended up with Jim Harper as a soulmate! You must feel so lucky!”

“Yes, I certainly do,” Sloan says, with false cheer. She likes Jim. He’s cool. But she only just met him today. She doesn’t know where Don and Maggie get off being so coupled up and settled down already. It’s annoying.

“You guys didn’t know each other when you were alive, did you?”

“No, it’s weird. We somehow never crossed paths.”

“I loved his music when I was alive,” Maggie gushes. “I got a chance to talk to him at the party and he seems really nice!”

“He is,” Sloan insists for what feels like the tenth time. “Actually, speaking of Jim, I should probably get back to the party and, well, make sure he’s doing okay and the guests have everything they need.”

Maggie nods, enthusiastically. “Of course! It was so nice to meet you!”

“Yes,” Don says. “Very nice.”

Sloan has to concentrate very hard not to scowl at him, so she focuses most of her attention on Maggie, who she despises for totally different and completely undeserved reasons. “You too! Always a delight to meet one’s neighbors.”

“Oh, right! You should stop by our place sometime,” Maggie says. “It’s not as grand or as big as your place, obviously—”

“Nothing in the neighborhood is, as a matter of fact,” Don interjects, pointedly. Sloan’s eyes water from the effort of not glaring at him.

Maggie, meanwhile, thumps him lightly on the chest. “Don,” she says, playfully offended. Or maybe not playfully. It’s hard to tell with Maggie. Her smile is just a little too wide and bright to take at face value.

“Don’t listen to him,” she continues. “Our house is the one with the yellow door and the round window at the front, it’s just—”

“Two doors down, of course,” Sloan says graciously. “I did wonder who lived in such a cutesy little cottage and now I know!”

Maggie’s smile falters a bit, and she adopts a more serious expression. “Yes, well, I like it a lot, so…”

“I will be sure to stop by sometime,” Sloan says, trying to be more soothing. She’s a bitch, not a monster, after all.

“We’d love that,” Maggie replies. “Right, Don?”

“Absolutely,” he answers, with a thin smile in Maggie’s direction. To Sloan, he adds, with a significant look, “Don’t be a stranger!”

Sloan nods in acknowledgement and then gets out of there as quickly as possible. She has a feeling, though, that she won’t have much of a choice in terms of Don and Maggie’s invitation. For whatever reason, she suspects she might be stuck with them now.

[howl-fantasies]

It’s Maggie’s 23rd birthday and Oswald plans a surprise party for her. Even her actual siblings (Oliver and Thea) show up, as well as Bruce, Alfred and Selena, (to a mostly villain centred event, but they don’t need to know that). As Maggie is about to make a wish and blow out the candles, Jerome crashes the party and tries to kidnap Maggie… what happens?

Ahahaha!

Remember the scene where Oswald is in a restaurant and basically everyone is armed? Well, it would be something similar.

Warning: violence, blood, profanities, it's Gotham. English isn't my first language.

Gifts and pictures aren't mine. Credits go to their owner.

Word Count: 2.061

Tags: @keffirinne @flaysthings

Everybody was having a good time as Maggie feels so much joy she was ready to see fireworks bursting out of it. How did Oswald managed to negotiate peace and regroup so many villains, citizen (Alfred and Bruce), cops (Jim and Harvey) and her family under the same roof? *Spoiler: Y/N and Victor were in charge of convincing the villains. Remember Victor's friendly visits during the establishment of Pax Penguina? Same vibes*

Now she was in the middle of the crowd singing "Happy Birthday", she voluntarily ignore the guns held by the Zsaszs discretely threatening others villains, and focused on the gigantic birthday cake being carefully put on the table in front of her.

She felt Oswald warm hand on her right shoulder as the audience was now clapping and encouraged her to blow the 23 candles on it. "Happy Birthday my dear!" Cheered Cobblepot with a huge smile and proud tears in his eyes. "Make a wish!"

The young woman leaned just a bit and took a deep breath, closing her eyes while thinking about what she could ask for. It only took her a second before she opened them again, ready to exhale as strongly as she could to extinguish all little flames in one blow.

It never happened, though. A deafening explosion shook the whole building, surprising every person present in the room. Only a second later, the double doors were literally ripped off their hinges, crashing a few feet away.

"Well, well, well", a sinister voice raised from the chaos. "Celebrating a birthday and nobody sent me an invitation?"

Magnolia swore she heard Y/N swear from somewhere behind her. But she was too shocked to turn around and scold her for her foul mouth. Even Oswald let it slide, choosing to screech at the man entering the room.

"What the hell do you think you are doing, Jerome?! How dare you barge into MY hideout and ruining everything I've worked so much for?!" Now the little man was yelling.

The redhead didn't seem to mind, though. He even leaned against the damaged doorframe nonchalantly and even had the gal to yawn like he was bored. When Oswald stopped, he finally straightened and point a lazy finger at Maggie.

"I'm here to deliver my own special little gift for the doll." He started. "Forgive me but I let it home, you'll have to follow me here for me to give it to you." He added with a maniacal and sinister grin. She shuddered. Yup, she preferred Victor's.

"I have a better suggestion, Jerome." Y/N's sultry voice broke Maggie raising panic and caught the man's attention. His terrifying rictus was now directed on the hitwoman.

"Oh? Do tell, love." He said, barely dodging a bullet. Victor.

Y/N walked until she was standing just next to Magnolia, cheering her up with her presence. Discreetly pushing her with her right arm in Jim's and Harvey direction. She obliged. Jim took the hint too and was now on her right, a "GCPD!" Probably bubbling into his throat. But he waited to see what Y/N had to say.

"Since you're not only a clown but the whole fucking circus," she drawled, swiftly grabbing her guns, immediately imitated by Victor and the Zsaszettes. "You're going to entertain us. Here. You want to groove? I'mma show you how to move." Her steel-cold voice had the merit to reduce his stupid grin. Just a bit. Just for a second. Just before his infamous laugh resonated inside of the room.

"...Aha.ha.ah. Sorry to disappoint, sweetheart. But it'll have to wait. Maggie and I have an appointment", suddenly, all doors flew open, letting dozen of creepy clown-masked goons go inside.

Oh god. Now she was panicking. Her eyes immediately landed on Bruce, who was already looking at her in alarm. Just next to him, Selina was adjusting her position, ready to fight like a feral cat and clawing some faces and eyes. Magnolia heard Alfred also swearing under his breath. It was going to be a bloodbath, she knew it.

Victor's light voice brought her back to present.

"Okie-dokie, time to boogie!"

His intervention seemed to awaken the whole room. In less than a second, every guest reach under an arm, a leg, in the band of their trouser, under a table and... even inside the platform supporting her birthday cake.

"GCPD!" Shouted Jim. Then it started. The shooting, the whistle of bullets all around them, the noise of broken tableware. Magnolia ducked and immediately search for somewhere to take cover, spotting Bruce a few meters from her.

"Bruce! Come here!" She urged, grabbing his thin arm and pulling him with her behind a heavy table. "Where is Selina?!" She shouted. The young billionaire breathing was erratic. "I don't know, she jumped on someone and I lost her in the crowd! Alfred is looking for her and told me to hide!" He cried.

At this very moment, the Magnolia regretted not having a freaking gun on her. She felt hopeless as she heard the bloodbath. Oswald's voice was the easier to identify. He was furious.

A pair of shiny shoes caught her attention and she felt her heart stops. "Bang", she heard a mocking voice say, a gun pointed at her face but not firing. Victor sadistic grin was the next thing she registered. The fucker had the gal to play goofball now?!

"It's not funny Victor!" Magnolia yelled in anger. "Aren't you supposed to help your wife?!"

His grin never fade and he didn't turn as a clown goon rushed in his back, ready to shoot him and making her scream. *Bang* A clean shot in Jerome's goon head and the man fell heavily on the floor. Dead. Victor didn't even look.

Only grabbing a gun from one of his leg's holsters and holding it for her to grab. "Y/N has my six", his eyes lifted up quickly and his other hand quickly raised, pulling the trigger and shooting somewhere in the crowd, just before lowering his gaze again with a twisted grin.

"And I've got hers. Gothamite relationship goal here, Mags." He said, throwing her the smaller gun. "Barrel pointing at the target", he mocked. Only a middle finger would answer that properly.

He just laughed, like the maniac he was, before it brutally stopped and he looked pissed, moving like a man on a mission out of her sight. Now in possession of a weapon, Magnolia felt a bit better. She turned to look at Bruce, still a bit pale after seeing Victor Zsasz this close. "Bruce! We have to get you out of here", she called.

The teen moved his head mimicking a no. "We can't leave without Selina and Alfred! And what about you?!"

The young woman sighed. He had a point. She slowly straightened and peaked above the table. Absolute chaos.

She spotted Oswald with a machine gun screaming at some goons as he pierced their skin, Ed dodging bullets behind his own table, losing his bowler hat in the process. Jim beating the shit out of another goon and Harvey tackling another on the ground. Victor and Y/N making a remake of Mister and Mrs Smith, back against back and firing quickly.

Then, finally, Alfred, who shot another goon while Selina jumped on his acolyte and clawed his eyes with fury. "I can see them!" Maggie shouted to Bruce, only to feel her forearm suddenly grabbed by the teen's hand. He was shaking like a leaf. Oh dear.

"Gotcha~" She heard in her back, making her jump out of her skin and abruptly turn to face the voice. Oh no. Just in front of her, Jerome was threatening them with his own machine gun, his unnatural wide smile ready to split his jaw in half. Oh no, no, no.

She saw his brown eyes sliding on Bruce. "You're welcome to follow us, Brucie. In fact, I want you to." He laughed. No way. Maggie jumped on her feet, she didn't even take the time to think and put herself in front of Wayne, lifting her arm holding Victor's gun and also threatening Jerome with it. "Leave him alone, Jerome!"

Now the redhead was laughing hysterically. "My, oh my! Are you threatening me with a gun doll? Ahahahaha! Sorry to tell you this, but usually, it's the guy holding a machine gun who has the right to make demands. Put your toy away, love, we don't have all day."

His eyes took a quick look around before he whispered for just them to hear like they were plotting or sharing a secret, "Plus, I don't want your parents to catch us, they are terrifying". The nerve!

She must have waited too long to move. Jerome grabbed her arm roughly making her yelp in pain and Bruce scream in fear. But Valeska didn't care and started to pull her behind him, shooting here and there to clear his path and pointing the barrel of his machine gun on Bruce to deter him to flee. "You come with us Brucie."

His lack of focus on her was her cue. So what if he had a machine gun and she only had a 'little gun'? A bullet was still a bullet, as Y/N always said. The florist shoved her gun directly on his thigh and didn't wait for him to fully understand what was happening to pull the trigger.

Jerome's shout was music on her ears. She didn't savor it, though and pull the trigger again, aiming at his upper arm, the one holding his machine gun. Another yell. "Run Bruce!" Shouted Maggie as she was starting to run in Y/N and Victor direction. Screw their escape, they needed brute force after what she did.

"You fucking bitch!" She heard on her back, making her stop and turn around with wide eyes as Valeska was aiming at her with one arm, ready to pierce her skin.

"MAGGIE! DON'T FUCKING STOP RUNNING IDIOT!" She heard Y/N yell a few meters away, just as Veleska pulled the trigger. Everyone screamed and her too as she felt the white hot pain explode in her calf, making her lose her balance and crash on the floor.

Another crashing sound caught her attention: Jim jumped on Jerome, disarming him and allowing the cop to beat him to a pulp. "Maggie! Oh my god are you ok?" Bruce hide her the rest of the beating. The young woman felt a bit dizzy and shaken but slowly nodded before she winced when she felt the pain and the blood rush out of the bullet wound.

A gloved hand pushed Wayne on the side and she was now facing Y/N. She was angry, she could tell by the hard frown on her face. Her piercing eyes were assessing the damages on her calf. "You stupid, foolish child," she muttered, lifting her eyes to scrutinize her face. "If someone is ready to shoot you, run. Find a safe spot and then fucking shoot them back. Never stand frozen, idiot. Unless you have a fucking death wish." She said coldly.

Magnolia nodded stupidly, ready to apologize, just when another gloved hand finds itself on Y/N's shoulder and another one gave her a thumb up. "Wooh! Your shoots were terrific. Good job here little one."

Maggie had to give it to Jerome: yes, her 'parents' were terrifying. She facepalmed as Y/N was shoving her elbow deep in her husband belly to tell him to shut the fuck up.

Both were roughly shoved to the side by Oswald. "Get out of the way you brutes!" Both hitman and woman grunted in discomfort as they ungracefully landed on their butt. Despite the situation, Maggie giggled earning Y/N's middle finder.

"Oh my god dear, are you ok? Don't move, we're going to call an ambulance don't worry!" Cobblepot babbled, holding her shoulders for dear life. "It shouldn't have happened", he now muttered as she could feel his guilt.

"Jerome is unpredictable, Oz, nobody could have seen it coming", The young woman said with a gentle smile. She couldn't help herself and giggled again. "For sure I'll not forget my 23rd birthday."

"She's losing it, Jim," she heard Harvey mutters in Oswald's back. This time she truly laughed.

--

A/N - I hope you liked it! Have a beautiful day/night dear, read you soon. Take care!

[house-of-slayterr]

Mad Tea Party:

Tag: @keffirinne @howl-fantasies @flaysthings @myers-meadow

Tw: Suicide fake out.

Today was boring. That’s saying something when it comes to Gotham. It was quiet… a little too quiet. Y/N and Victor were off doing god knows what, Basil was back in National City visiting his sister. And Little V was probably following Selena around like a lost puppy. Her little crush was cute, I had to admit. But I was a little worried, there’s more of her father in her than she lets on. Thank god I’m here to be the only voice of reason.

I sighed heavily as I got up from the couch, leaving to get a glass of water. Fuck it, perhaps even some wine. Who cares that it’s three pm in the middle of the week? Just as I debated pouring myself a glass, there was a knock at the door. I was quick to answer, people in Gotham get snippy if you leave them waiting too long.

“Hello?”

“Package for one Miss Blossom.” The post man said.

I raised a brow. I wasn’t expecting any packages from anyone. Unless this was Oliver’s lame excuse to say he was sorry. I wouldn’t put it past him to think gifts could change how I feel.

“Does it say who it’s from?” I asked.

The mail man shrugged.

“Was just told to deliver it ma’am, sign here please.”

I took the pen from his hand and signed off on his pad of paper. I took the box from him and politely closed the door. I placed the box down on the coffee table. It wasn’t all that heavy. And it didn’t smell of anything in particular. I scrunched my brows, glaring at the box as if it would sprout legs and leave from the discomfort.

“This is a stupid idea.” I said out loud, despite no one being around to hear.

You never open mystery packages with no return address. Let alone in a city like this. But the longer I sat there, the more my curiosity took over. I grabbed the blade I kept hidden in my boot, and cut open the tape. On the top of the box sat a bouquet of white roses, with red speckled here and there. This certainly wasn’t one of my works, and I didn’t want to know where the red came from.

I gently picked them up, avoiding the thorns that were still protruding wildly from the plant. Who on earth would send me flowers? There was fabric in the box… a dress. I picked it up to inspect it, and it wasn’t hard to piece together who this gift came from now. The pocket watch that feel from the dress pocket was a dead giveaway. I couldn’t help the small smile that crept onto my face. Nobody had ever sent me flowers before. I picked up the bouquet again, breathing in the sweet scent. My second mistake today.

Jervis’s POV:

I watched from the building across the street, a perfect view. My sweet little Alice looked different from the last time I saw her. She must have gotten a new hair cut, I was certain of it. And she looked just as lovely as ever, even from this far away.

My heart hammered in my chest as I saw her hesitate to open my gift. What was she waiting for? I was getting antsy. Would she even open it? But my prayers were answered when she finally took out a knife to open the box. Even front his far away I could see her eyes light up. She looked around the apartment as if to ask if the gifts were really meant to her. My eyes widened as I watched her pull the dress out of the box. She would look oh so pretty in her dress.

I knew my little florist well, she could never resist the temptation that were roses. I smiled as she took a deep breath from the bouquet. Everything was going according to plan. I excitedly sprinted to the stair case, getting off the room as quickly as I could. It wouldn’t be hard to get into her apartment. I fiddled with the lock for a second, using a Bobby pin to try and manurer around the pins the lock. A soft click sounded and I knew I was in. I quietly made my way across the room, admiring her sleeping form. She was so pretty when she slept, almost like an Angel.

I gently brushed a hair out of her face, and smiled down at her. My sweet little Alice. The world was too dangerous for someone like her. The sedative should last for a few hours, which gave me more than enough time to get everything ready. I picked her up, cradling her in my arms. I swore my heart almost stopped when she sleepily leaned her head against my chest. I was sure it was hammering by now.

I made it back to my warehouse no problem. The citizens of Gotham never even bat an eye. Everything was going perfect, for my tea party. And the other guests would be brought in soon. I giggled joyously, excitement shivering through every muscle in my body. I watched as my henchmen brought in the other three party guests. I frowned when it seemed the detective was very much away, and struggling against his fate.

His eyes landed on the chair Maggie was currently tied down too. I didn’t want her falling by accident. I couldn’t stand to ruin her sweet face. I found myself zoning out and daydreaming again, but Jim’s sickening voice brought me back down to Earth.

“What do you want from us Tetch?” He gritted.

“We’ll I can’t possibly go and spoil the surprise, patients is a key Detective. Something you think you would have learned by now.”

Jim scoffed as one of the guards sat him forcefully down in his chair. They were quick to arrange Miss Tompkins and Mr Pepper in their seats at the table. Both still very much unconscious, but it seemed the man was only the brink of waking up.

“Jervis, your problem is with me, let them go.” Jim suggested.

“No can do Jimbo, we don’t want to go spoiling our fun now.” I gave him a tight lipped smile.

I watched as Miss Tompkins began to stir as well.

“Greeting and welcome!” I greeted the two.

The look on her face when she realises where she was, was priceless. I wish Maggie was awake to see it. I watched as her eyes moved between her ex and her new lover.

“Love, are you alright? Are you hurt?” The man asked in an overly sweet tone.

It nearly made me nauseous.

“I’m alright,” she assured him, “are you ok?”

He gave her a curt nod. Her attention finally was back on me.

“What’s this about Jervis?” She asked.

Her tone was demanding and I didn’t appreciate it. They were all lucky I gave the order to get them to me in one piece. It would be no fun if someone got hurt before afternoon tea even started. I chose to ignore her, a few more minutes passed as I prepared tea and began to set the table. I could see Jim’s eyes trained on Maggie, from the side of my own. I hated the way he looked at her. He wasn’t good enough for someone like my Alice.

I placed a cup in front of her sleeping form.

“Perhaps I gave you too much.” I pondered out loud.

I didn’t want her to wake up before her surprise, but perhaps I went a little overboard.

“What did you give us?” Lee asked again.

“Sevoflurane, my dear. It’s a fast acting anaesthetic.”

I watched a look of distress flood her features. Before the others had gotten here, I changed Maggie into her costume. She looked better than I could have ever imagined.

I couldn’t hide the smile on my face as she finally decided to join us. I watched as her sleepy eyes scanned the room, taking in her surroundings. I expected to see fear, but that wasn’t it. There was a glint of something different in her eyes, and I wanted to know what it was.

“Ah, Sleeping Beauty is finally awake!” I announced cheerfully.

The first words out of her mouth nearly startled me.

“Where the hell have you been?” She asked incredulously.

How quaint, she noticed my absence. Jim raised a brow at the young woman. I blinked at her for a moment. Not so certain I was comfortable with her sweating. Ladies should never cuss.

“Really Maggie, that’s your question?” Jim asked.

She shrugged the best she could with the restraints tying her down.

“Don’t worry my little Dove, I’ve been around. I’ve been quite busy recently.”

She looked around at her fellow tea mates.

“Yeah, I can see that.”

She let out a heavy sigh.

“Well, now that we’re all here, the show can begin.” I announced.

“What show?” Jim asked.

“We’ll the tea party of course! And now we shall commence. You see Jimbo, a little birdie told me you were having girl problems. And I feel for you, truly, it’s hard to find a good women out there.”

“That doenst make any sense.” Jim quipped back.

“We’ll of course it does Silly. Here’s how this is going to work. You, dear Detective, have to choose. You have the evening,” I placed a gun on the table, sliding it to Jim. “There’s no way out of this building that I won’t be watching. So no cheating. Either you shoot him, and take Dr Tompkins for yourself, or, you shoot her, and choose Maggie.”

I gave a pleased smirk at the end of my little speech.

“I’ll have them untie you all, and remember, there’s no way out.”

I turned my attention to Maggie, her expression was practically unreadable. Of course, I knew I would never let her get hurt. Not truly anyway. She was certainly not as timid as when we first met. But I suppose you can’t expect innocence in Gotham.

My goons moved forward to remove the shackles from the others. But not Maggie, none of them had permission to touch her. I made my way around the table, squatting down next to her as I fiddled with the restraints. Her eyes were practically trained on my fingers. It made me blush slightly, a little tremor in my hand from the way my heart skipped a beat. Her now free hand reached out to mine as she had my complete and total attention. I swore I stopped breath.

“Mi Corazon, you look lovely in your party dress,” I completed. Lovely wasn’t even the right word, it didn’t capture enough of her beauty. “Te ves positivamente radiante.”

I was close enough to see the flush of her cheeks.

“Flattery isn’t going to work this time, Quierdo. Fair warning, Y/N not going to be very happy when she finds out I skipped family spa day for this.”

I took no interest in her threat, my brain simply replaying that pet name over and over again.

“Puedes hablarme español todos los días, mi amor.” A purr rose in the back of my throat.

She rolled her eyes. Jim reached for the gun as expected, and trained it on me.

“Let is go Tetch.” He demanded.

I laughed, not bother to get up from my spot beside her.

“Go ahead, shoot me Gordon.” I taunted.

I heard the soft click of the gun… it was empty. The look on his face was priceless. It’s what he deserved for being a dick to my sweet little Alice.

“Did you honestly think I’d give you a loaded weapon?” I mused. “No, if you want your bullets, you’ll just have to beg little Alice here nicely.”

I pet her head, and she looked up at me with confusion in her eyes. I could easily get lost in them forever. They were far my hypnotic than any of my little trinkets. I wondered if I could harvest it, the way she could make anyone do anything for her with just a bat of her eyelashes. It was captivating.

“Las balas están en tu bolsillo, palomita.” I gave her a gentle kiss on the forehead, right where her hairline started.

She smelled strongly of peaches and lemon grass. It was heavenly.

“Si elige mal, dispárale, nos duele.”

I instructed before departing the scene. Truth be told, I didn’t want Jim to have her. But I didn’t want him to choose Lee either, that would just break Maggie’s fragile heart.

Maggie’s POV:

My face flushed when Jervis leaned in to kiss my forehead. It was such a simple gesture, but it made me melt. I knew it shouldn’t, that it was wrong, the man just kidnapped me for fucks sake. But Jervis had never given me any reason to believe he’d hurt me. I watched as he left the room, presumably dead bolting us inside.

“Did he just call you Alice?” Jim was the first to break the silence.

“Don’t read too much into Jim, this is Gotham, you’ve seen worse.” I dismissed him.

“Do you have any idea what happened to his last Alice?” His tone seemed angry now.

“She would have been fine if you didn’t have an incessant urge to stick your nose into everyone business.” I snapped.

“You’re hanging out with too many villains Maggie, that’s the problem.”

“Ha!” I spat out a laugh, throwing my head back. “You want to tell me what my problem is, that’s rich coming from you. Mr I’m afraid of commitment! We wouldn’t even be here right now if it wasn’t for you, so shut it!”

Lee cleared her throat to try to break the tension, but it just made me more agitated.

“Fighting amonsut each other isn’t going to help anything, we have to find a way out of here.” She said.

Mario was already up on his feet, pacing the drab concrete room. I smoothed out my dress with my hands, adjusting my apron. I reached across the table and poured myself a cup of tea. This was going to be a long day, but hey, at least I wasn’t bored anymore. And I was right about what I said earlier, Oswald would probably freak out with me being missing, and send her to come fetch me.

“Me my guest.” I suggested, pointing at the door Jervis left out of. “If you get shot, don’t blame me pretty boy.”

I brought the beautifully decorated tea cup to my mouth. We were drinking from a red glass set, my favourite colour. Jervis had planned an entire tea party for me, and in his own fucked up way it was sort of cute. Suddenly my hand was slapped away from my face.

“What is your damage Jim?!” I exclaimed!

“Don’t drink that, it could be poisoned.” He said.

“Cet idiot ne peut pas être sérieux.” I mumbled under my breath. “You don’t get it, Jervis is not going to poison me.” I said flatly.

“He did use an illegal anesthetiser to knock you out and kidnap you, or did that part just get lost on you?” Mario spoke directly to me for the first time.

“Yet I don’t have a single scratch on me.” I held my arms out for proof. “If Jervis wanted me dead, my brains would be splattered on the concrete by now. But they aren’t, wanna know why? Cause he’s not going to hurt me. He’s already lost one Alice, I don’t think he could handle another.”

“And you’re just ok with that?” Lee asked bewildered.

“You learn to be ok with a lot of things real quick when you don’t have many other options. Why do you think so many people stranded on islands convert to cannibalism? Life goes a lot easier when you stop trying to change things outside of your control. This, is not my tea party, I’m just playing the game.”

I glared down at the broken glass now on the floor. I reached across and stole Jim’s cup, pouring myself yet another cup of tea. This time he didn’t try to stop me. The only smart thing he’d done all night. How could you love someone so much that you hated them? I wish my heart would stop competing with my brain for two seconds so I could think. Lee sighed.

“We’ll it’s clear to me Jim, that this Jervis guy seems to think you’re still in love with my fiancé.” Mario stated.

Jim immediately got defensive. And I had to say, it hurt. I mean I knew he still had feelings for Lee, she was pretty and smart, a dangerous combo in Gotham. I balled my hand into a fist under the table, squeezing the bullets in my pocket. I zoned out most of the conversation, I didn’t want to hear his lame excuses as he tries to deny it. As much as I hated her, if Lee made Jim genuinely happy, then he could have her. Who am I to stand in the way of that?

“Wait, are you related to Sofia?” I asked out of the blue.

Everyone had been up and around, trying to find any week-spot in this fortress. I lazily sap at the table, enjoying my tea.

“Yes, why?” Mario asked.

“No reason.” I quickly countered.

What was I supposed to tell the man, that his sister didn’t die how he thinks she did? That I shot her point blank in the head because she kissed Jim. Well she did a lot more than that, but the point still stands. It wouldn’t vote in my favour if I made an enemy of him at this moment. I didn’t need a Falcone hating me. He glared at me questionably but decided to drop it.

“This really doesn’t concern you in the slightest does it?” He asked.

“We’re not in any immediate danger, I’m actually quite enjoying the quiet.”

“Not in immediate danger?” Jim scoffed. “Wow, they really did a number on you.”

My glare was trained on him within seconds.

“Good strategy, keep shit talking my family Jim, see where that gets you.”

“Was that a theart?” He narrowed his eyes at me.

“Trust me, we wouldn’t be having this conversation right now if that was supposed to be a threat.”

“Are you really just going to sit there and pout all night?”

“What do you think?”

After a few hours I could tell they were all going stir crazy. There was not an ounce of sunlight in this drab little box. I’d taken note of the various cameras littered around the place. Jervis was watching, that much was clear. He wouldn’t let us get away without making a choice. I reached into my pocket and pulled out the bullets, lazily tossing them in the air and then catching them again.

“Give up yet?” I asked, shaking a bullet for emphasis.

“What do you think?” He spit out my earlier comment with equally as much venom.

Funny how I should hate him, but seeing him angry like this just made me want to take him right here, right now. Make Lee watch so she’d understand his choice completely. But that was cruel, a thought I would never entertain.

I finally stood up from my seat, frustration making it too hard to sit still.

“Christ Jim, everyone with eyes can see your still in love with her! Stop being such a fucking pussy and just say it already!” I snipped. “I want to go home.” I said a little softer.

“Of course, cause you have no stake in this, either way you win. Right, Maggie?”

I starred at him with eyes wide. The audacity of this bitch.

“Oh for fucks sake, you think I want to be here right now Jim? Stuck in this room with you and her? Is quite literally rather you just shoot me and get this over with! Because if I have to listen to your agitating sexy, grating angelic voice for one more second, I’m going to pull a Van Gogh and cut off my fucking ears! You know I’m supposed to be at the airport in a few hours to welcome Basil home right? And I promised little V I’d take her, Selena and Bruce out for Ice cream to give Alfred a break. I’m already going to get my ass beat when I go home for fucking up Y/N pristine schedule, and Oswald is going to scream his head off and not let me leave that dreaded mansion for a whole month! So if you could kindly just make a god damn choice for once in your miserable life, now is the time!” I ranted.

I threw the bullets down at his feet.

“Do you what you fucking want with them, I don’t care. But don’t you dare try to blame all this on me. Loves a two way street Gordon, and you seem to always place yourself smack dab in the middle of traffic.”

“My apologises for not being enthused that some psycho is trying to force my hand and make me kill someone.”

I froze. By the gods is he dumb. What is it about Himbos that just makes my heart swell?

“Les dieux me donnent la force!” I turned my attention back to him “Shoot someone!”

“What?” Mario asked.

“Jervis said you had to shoot someone, not that you had to kill them. Did Dent never explain loopholes to you Jim?” I sighed.

“Just shoot someone in the foot or something so we can leave?”

He seemed to contemplate my words for second. I could tell he was still hesitant about it, any other moment I would have found it endearing. But right now it was getting on my last nerve.

“Jim, listen to me, Y/N is probably already on her way here now. If she makes it here before we get out, she’s going to shoot all of us, for fun. She tolerates you but she has no qualms with killing those two. So if you want to play hero, fine, just give me the damn gun.”

“No.” He said after a long pause.

“No?” I asked.

“Nobody’s getting shot, I’ll find us another way out of this.”

I ran a hand through my hair in frustration.

“It’s not his fault he’s not like you.” Lee commented.

“Yeah and what do you know about me little miss perfect? Hmmm? You get to walk out of here and get married, and have Jim follow you around like a love sock puppy. So what are you complaining about? You win Tompkins! You don’t need to rub it in my face.” I said.

She cringed a bit at that. It was comforting to know she felt the least bit guilty. I sat back down, sipping my now cold tea.

“Maggie-“ Jim started, but I was quick to cut him off.

“Don’t!” I warned. “Don’t you dare talk right now, cause I know every word about to come out of that pretty little mouth of yours is going to be a lie. I’m always going to love you like you’re going to love her. Don’t make this any more painful that it already is.”

My voice lost any bitterness and spite. Frankly I was exhausted. He sighed. I did my best to bite back any tears that were threading to fall. I wasn’t going to cry in front of her of all people.

“What if I give Jervis the ending he actually wants?” Jim tired.

This piqued my interest.

“Jim you don’t have to do this, we can find another way out.” Lee begged.

One thing I appreciated about Mario was he didn’t talk much. He knew when to keep quiet, and honestly, he seemed too good for Leslie. He was a hell of a lot better than his sister, that’s for sure. It seemed I’d gotten lost because before I knew it Jim was standing in front of me. He held the gun out to me. I raised a brow, but took it none the less.

“Do what you have to do.” He said.

“Are you insane Jim?” Lee asked. “Sure, give the mentally unstable girl a gun!”

Even Mario seemed taken aback by her statement. All this time I thought my hatred for her was one sided, but it seemed to be mutual. I wasn’t going to give her the satisfaction. Jim stood there, not attempting to be a moving target. It seems some part of him still trusted me, and that was refreshing. There was one bullet left in my pocket. I pulled it out, examining it for a second. I popped it in the chamber of the revolver and spun the clip.

I stood up and walked to the centre of the room, glaring at the camera.

“I know you can here me J,” I challenged, “let them go, or I swear to god I will splatter my brains all of this costume!”

I held the gun to my temple, looking right down the barrel of the security camera. Jim looked at me like I was insane. He meant for me to shoot him. Mario shuffled on his feet awkwardly, and Leslie just stood there dumbfounded.

“Jervis.” I warned.

When he didn’t respond I pulled the trigger. I heard the familiar click of the empty chamber and flinched slightly. I pulled back the hammer, spinning the clip.

“Stop ignoring me Jervis.” I tried once more.

Still… nothing. I put my faith into that shot and pulled the trigger once more. Again met with a deafening silence.

“Hatter!” I finally tested.

Ready to go one more time, when I heard the screech of the PA system roaring to life.

“No aprietes ese gatillo, mi princesa!” He pled.

“Then open the fucking door!”

My finger ghosted over the trigger once more.

“Ok, ok. Just put the gun down.”

I smiled, satisfied that it had worked. Not my brightest moment, it certainly was a risky plan. But if living with Oswald has taught me anything, is that it dangerous to mess with someone’s illusion of you. And I just sent Jervis’s crashing down. My head snapped to the door when I heard the creak of the steel lock. I held the gun down by my side and made eye contact with Jim. I nodded my head to the door.

“Go.” I said. “You can try to catch him another time. But you won’t find him Jim.”

I knew what he was thinking. When it came to crime at least, he was pretty cut and dry. The only thing he loved more than Leslie Tompkins, was his job. She’s smart to get out while she can. Marry someone reasonable like Mario Falcone. He looked hesitant but left none the less, escorting the two “civilians” out of the building.

“Oh, and for what it’s worth Leslie, I hope the two of you have a good wedding.” I said.

The room was early silent now. I placed the gun down on the table and sat back in my chair. After a few minuets the door cheeked open again with a guilty looking Mad Hatter peeking his head through.

“You can come in Jervis.” I sighed.

He was quick to cross the room and kneel down before me. His eyes looked red, almost as if he’d be crying. Had he?

“I’m sorry Princesa,” he said, grabbing my hand in his. “I was just trying to help, please forgive me?” He begged.

I let out a groan, rolling my shoulders to release any previous tension they were holding. He looked like a child who’d just gotten yelled to by his mother.

“I’m not mad at you J.”

His eyes lit up at that.

“Really?”

“Yes, now get off the floor.”

He quickly scrambled to his feet, sitting in the chair that Jim had been previously sat in.

“I really just wanted to help. He’s your- he’s your Alice.” He said sheepishly.

Most people never got to see this side of Jervis Tetch, the furious Mad Hatter. But I enjoyed this side of him. This was the Jervis I’d first met that day in the cemetery. No villains, no hero’s, no bullshit. But I’d be delusional to ever wish for those times back. I wasn’t the same girl I was that day, and she would be horrified to see what Gotham turned us into. But that Girl wouldn’t have survived Gotham, so perhaps she’d give me leniency. It was survival of the fittest. I cracked a small smile at Jervis’s words.

“He is my Alice, huh.” I laughed. “But more importantly, I am yours. Alice and Hatter, friends forever.” I said.

He looked positively giddy, and I would be a liar if I said it wasn’t adorable.

“Where were you?” I asked again.

“I had to deal with some stuff about my Sister. I couldn’t stand to look at Gotham anymore. The only thing that drew me back was you.”

“Well, I still have a few hours before I have to go pick up B and little V. Would you, Jervis Tetch like to accompany me to the airport? I have Through the Looking Glass on audio book in my car.”

He grinned like the Cheshire Cat.

“I couldn’t think of a more perfect way to spend my evening, Mi Princesa.”

He held out his hand to help me up from my chair. Always the gentlemen.

“Do me a favour and lay low for a while yeah? Jim’s not going to stop looking for you. Not after you made him confront his emotions. That man is emotionally constipated, I swear.” I joked.

“Y eres un tonto por amarlo.” He cracked.

I rolled my eyes.

“Alice didn’t need a man, maybe I can learn to live without on too. I like my friends better anyway.”

I winked at him, before running out the door.

“Whoever makes it to the car last has to steal Victors favourite knife!” I called back to him, laughing and giggling all the way to the car as he chased me.

An: I went with Madness Returns Alice for this one, because it makes more sense for Maggie’s character. I headcannon that Jervis can speak Spanish. The vibe just seems right. Is Maggie totally just rage flirting with Jim at this point, yes, yes she is. Being nice didn’t get her anywhere 😂 also my apologises if I accidentally called him Mario Pepper instead of Falcone, my brain was being dumb. I tried to fix all the ones I could find.

[ineffablelvrs]

let's start a fun game while we're waiting for go2 !!! rb and in the tags claim a random minute (0-54 ?? that's the average episode length in s1 im pretty sure) from a random s2 episode (1-6), for example: episode 3, 32:54. then when you watch the season come back and say what scene you got (make sure to tag spoilers though) !!