#made sure to group them all together [everything is organized btw]

[lemonisntreal]

Some of my favs from The Event

TY TO @whack-patty FOR HOSTING

Their full post right here for the ppl who want to see the whole pages in all their glory ❤️

As well as @tertain-the-original, @stinkyhyena9000, @korrinhorizon, and @hoperays-song for making all of these lovely monstrosities, go check them out they're all super duper cool ppl :D

also for those who want this png here ya go 🥰 merry christmas ig

[try to spot it in the pics lol]

[bob-mirum]

Okay, it was difficult, but I finally came up with and drew designs for the characters according to my Mafia AU :D

I promised to tell you about them, but it will be quite brief (because I don't know how to tell beautifully)

All these characters can be divided into three groups, two of which are two mafia gangs, and the third is ordinary citizens who stand for the law. Bosses from the original game will be humanizations 👀

You have already seen Peppino and Gustavo (btw I made a small redesign for Peppino, he will have metal claws instead of a pizza cutter).

Gustavo here plays the role of the one who created the usual gangster group together with Peppino, which later acquired some rules and became the mafia. Since Peppino's small restaurant some people already knew – they managed to promote their business to a large scale on the name of Peppino by building several pizzerias all over the city, from which they receive money (not only at the expense of visitors, but also at the expense of some illegal "things").

Gustavo is the head of the whole group, a calculating and intelligent man who does most of the business. In appearance, we can say that he is an ordinary kind man, but I don't advise you to peck at his kind appearance. Peppino is his right–hand man. Despite their friendship in the past, they now have a slightly strained relationship due to aggressiveness and Peppino's anger problems.

Now them

Pizzahead, one might say, is also an organizer of his own group, but here his job is to promote his casino, from which he receives money (obviously not in the most honest way). Once upon a time, his father (Pizzaface) was the head of a mafia gang, but Gustavo and Peppino managed to destroy them. He always wears a pizza mask and plays the image of a friendly cheerful guy, and rarely shows his real appearance. He hopes to crush Peppino and Gustavo's business with his competition, since he has his own personal scores with them.

Noise and Pepperman are his assistants. Noise is the one who promoted the casino with the help of advertising and attracted visitors to it, and also works there himself. Insanely gambling guy, incredibly greedy for money. Pepperman is one of Pizzahead's bodyguards, the closest to him. He's a bit of a gambler, still loves to draw, gets a lot of money with his paintings, doesn't draw infrequently.

And them

Noisette here is Noise's ex-girlfriend, who left him because of his excessive gambling. As in the original game, she owns her own small cafeteria, but, unfortunately, she has a similar fate as the original Peppino – a rather small attendance.

Vigilante is a local policeman who was initially on his own side. He and Noisette have been good friends since their youth, Vigilante is also the main visitor of Noisette cafe. He was the one who helped Noisette recover after the breakup, and has some romantic feelings for her.

Mr.Stick is a detective and Vigilante's assistant. He was also initially on his own side. The three watch both mafia gang together, Noisette and Stick help Vigilante gather some evidence against their criminal activities.

*spreads tiredly on the floor* I'm not sure if this all sounds good enough, I spent a lot of time to more or less correctly come up with everything, but I hope it was not all in vain x")

[the-slasher-files]

Hello there! I’m back with another request. Can you write some headcanons of Michael, Jason, Bo and Bubba if their S/O was an artist? I’m an artist and I would love to see their reaction if I showed them one of my latest drawings.

Yay.. ok so I’ve got a few requests for this (from a shy s/o to a confident one) so I kind of mixed them together :) also btw I don’t write for Bubba but I will write for all the others, plus more! hope you enjoy 🔪💕  

MASTERLIST

SLASHERS WITH S/O THAT LOVES TO DRAW OR IS AN ARTIST

INCLUDES JASON, MICHAEL, BO, VINCENT, and CHROMESKULL

JASON VOORHEES

First of all living where you do at the cabin there is so much inspo from deer, to the lake, to changing of the seasons.. It is honestly the best place for an artist

Jason always noticed a black notebook lying around with pens and pencils on every other surface, and you were oddly protective of the book, so he left it alone respecting your boundaries

Sitting with him in the quiet cabin Jason loved the sounds of the pencils scratching along the paper, and he loved to watch the soothing motions of your wrist going to work

Slowly he will become more and more interested in what you're doing and he needs to see. Sneakily inching himself closer to you as you work away and stretching his neck as far as he can, catching a glimpse then feeling guilty

Jason wants to respect you so much but it kills him that you’re not showing him. So when you were in the shower he quickly ran to the book and gently ran his fingers over your work, amazed at how good everything was and how you brought the nature/animals to life in the book from around the camp

Flipping a page then he is met with sketches of himself, with the mask and without, his hands, some of his wounds with the bones sticking out... it was beautiful and he couldn’t look away until you walked into the room pushing him away from the book but seeing his expression made you melt, he loved it so much and slowly brought out confidence in you, making you show him your work all the time

A few times he had brought some art supplies home from a group of teens that came along

One day he came home to canvases all over the floor and red paint splattered all over your old t-shirt Jason freaked out thinking it was blood in the dim lighting, he stepped on your canvases with muddy boots and held you up making you yelp... “Baby it’s just paint”... well now he feels foolish and upset for stepping on your art

The next night he still felt bad but you showed him what you had created from “the incident”... Bright colours framed the bootprint and brought out the muddy tones, some of the canvases had pressed flowers along the details of the print and it was so beautiful Jason immediately hung them on the wall  

Just an fyi he wants to always do crafts with you lol so make sure you help him

MICHAEL MYERS

Now this guy is pretty indifferent to everything but something about your art brings out a new side in him

You can say a lot of things about Michael but you cannot say he isn’t observant, he sees everything and knows everything

Like Jason he notices your many notebooks and various art supplies around the house, but he is far more intrusive than Jason and will rip the notebook from your hands holding your neck if you protest as he flips through it

Watching his face nothing changes, he just scans the pages then throws the notebook down walking away leaving into the night

The next morning notebook, paints, pens, brushes and other supplies litter the kitchen counter... wonder who got those???

Michael loves watching you work on your art, watching your facial expressions, the way the pens run along the paper and how the paint coats the canvases.. oop you just gave him an idea

One night he came home gruesomely cover in blood a little more than extra, and Michael moves above you and the art you are working on, whoops he is dripping blood on the canvas, then smearing it, then moving his knife along it using it as a brush, I guess

You yelled at him at first but watching how he seemed to enjoy the colours mixing together and the way the blood dried was sort of.. cute

You knew Michael had a funny and creative side just by the way he walked into the bedroom one night with a sheet over himself and sunglasses on, and the way he leaves marks on your body in a certain pattern or framing his favourite features of you. Michael’s art was his kill you realized

He really loves your pieces, even though he would never say so and Michael’s favourites were the sketches of himself you did and he would paint blood along them

You weren’t gonna lie it made the portraits more interesting and honestly beautiful, they quickly became your favourites as well

I’m sorry but my horny self just wants to see Michael in an all-black suit at an art gallery admiring the masked portrait of himself covered in blood... sorry but it’s hot lol

BO SINCLAIR      

So Bo is not really observant so it might take him a while to notice the art supplies around the house but even then he thinks it’s just Vincent’s

You will probably have to do just do the art in front of him before he gets that its your art supplies.. man sucks lol

Bo really enjoys your company when he is in the shop, you just sitting there working away in your notebook and him under the hood of his truck

He doesn’t necessarily push to see what you’re drawing but Bo teases, the harder you hide it the harder he teases... “what ya got in there sex drawings?” “Fuck darlin’ let me be your model”

If you don’t want him to see what you’re doing never leave your notebook behind because the man is a snoop in every sense of the word

Bo 100% supports your art even though he isn’t very interested in it and doesn’t really get it, if it makes you happy he will steal supplies from his twin and if victims have notebooks or pens he will bring them to you immediately  

On a day where you decided to spend the day at the shop, sitting on your chair sketching away while Bo was organizing his tools, he kept catching your glances and smirked “Baby, you need somethin?” he would ask smugly.

“Nope” a simple answer not stroking his ego “gonna grab a beer from downstairs you want one?” Bo nods as you make your way to the mini-fridge. Quickly the man strides over to the notebook, opening the page where you had placed your pencil. He knew it, sketches of himself, it makes his ego skyrocket.

“BO!!” pushing him away and he grabs the book holding it just out of your reach smirking “Momma always said I’d be a good model” “Don’t flatter yourself Sinclair, you’re the only man around for miles that doesn’t wear a mask or look like a trash man” you laughed as him smirk fell... run

He honestly loves your art even though Bo gives you a hard time... His favourite thing is falling asleep to the pencil sounds against the paper when you’re laying in bed together

VINCENT SINCLAIR

SAAAAAAME... lol

The man notices right away that he begins to lose his an unused notebook and some of his best art pencils

It made you very nervous to show Vincent what you sketched and painted since he was just so good at art in every way. It was unfair

His favorite thing to do with you is make little sculptures from wax or clay, he could tell you were very creative and good at what you made, and he would always be super supportive

Vincent’s praise and support made you more comfortable with doing your art around him and even showing him. The man loves it and loves all of it

Different from his brother, Vinny respects you a lot and is fine with not looking in your notebook until you’re ready to show him. He hates when people see his unfinished work and flip through his notebooks as well

The good thing about dating him is Vincent’s art stuff is now yours

Also he is a very good teacher, somehow though he cannot talk, Vinny never makes you feel bad about your art and if you need help he is more than happy to support

Art date nights!! Getting the idea from your phone, you lit all the candles and brought down all the paint you could along with the large unused canvases you had found. When Vincent strolls downstairs his eyes go wide, seeing you in just your bra and underwear “I’m ready for art class Vin” you giggle

When he finds your paintings or sketches of himself without his mask Vincent’s heart melts, finding someone like you to love him, let alone see his destroyed features as art kills him

CHROMESKULL

Jesse is a very watchful human, even when he isn’t at home the guy has cameras literally everywhere

When he was gone on a "business trip" you had all the free time in the world, plus you had picked up some new art supplies, so why not work a large piece when Jesse isn't around to distract you... When you had worked on for a few hours you got a text 'How's the painting coming along?' And that's when you realized cameras are everywhere!

If you are a shy person with your art he basically doesn’t allow you to be, he’s a pushy spoiled man but he is also very supportive and it makes you more confident in showing him  

Jesse honestly loves art and has many expensive paintings in his large home, so when he sees your art you better believe he will have Preston frame the art and put it on the walls, with special art gallery lights really making it look perfect

If you need any and I mean any art supplies no matter how expensive Jesse supports it *hands you his gold credit card*

"Oh.. renovations? To the already perfect mansion?" "Yup.. it's your new art studio"

Art, wine and cheese nights... the perfect date

Feeling uninspired? alright time to change the scenery, let’s go to a tropical destination or a wintery cabin. The man wants to spoil you and put your passion at the top of his priority list, plus he just wants a vacation and see you in your swimwear

It doesn't matter if you're shy about your art or confident Jesse will say he is taking you to an event, get you all dolled up and take you to an art gallery event that is just your art... surprise! Dumb rich bastard loves your work and flaunts it to everyone he can

[twoidiotwriters1]

Happy Birthday, Sirius! (Sirius Black x Fem! Reader)

A/N: Happy birthday to my favorite marauder ever! 

Request: by @siriuslysirius1107​ :I saw that you are taking asks and I was wondering if you could do a Sirius Black fic since it's his birthday. Maybe where he just got a letter for home or something?

btw, thank you so much for request this

Words: 1,587

Music comes from every corner of the Gryffindor common room, no students are in their rooms, even some from other houses are gathered to celebrate the birthday of Hogwarts most famous marauder.

His best friends were in charge of organizing the best party of the year, and although now it got out of hand, they don’t give it any importance. James laughs at a joke some sixth-year boys tell him, wrapping an arm on his girlfriend's shoulders as he staggers a bit from the drinks they got.

Remus is not far behind and in no better shape than his friend. In honor of Sirius, he promised that tonight he would have fun and drink a little, although James saw to it that that little became a lot.

Peter’s in one of the corners talking to a girl who seems to be interested in everything he says, but no one can be sure.

Three marauders in a fun, laid-back habitat while others make fuss and eat cake like nothing else matters.

But where’s the birthday boy?

"Lily!" Y/N yells, drawing the attention of the redhead, who laughs slightly.

"Hi!" She yells back. Y/N notices Lily smells a bit too much like firewhiskey too, but she ignores it.

“Where’s Sirius?"

Lily shrugs and turns to her boyfriend, but then jumps in place.

"He came out and had a piece of paper in his hand, I don't know if he's here or outside, or eating or drinking, but you must listen to this, you’ll die laughing!"

"Maybe next time…”

Y/N leaves the common room, meeting more people wanting to enter the big party.

"Hey, have you seen Sirius?" She asks them, but no one has.

She thanks them and walks through the dark corridors of the school until she hears sobs coming from a corridor. Y/N approaches and just below a window that overlooks the gardens, there he is hugging his legs.

"Sirius?" She asks cautiously and walks over to sit across from him. "What happen?"

His body tenses, but he quickly recognizes her. Sirius sighs and wipes the tears from his cheeks, then turns his head up and sees the girl.

"It's nothing, I'm just sad because James said I'm old, don't worry, love," He says feigning indifference as he takes a cigarette out of his pocket.

She crawls to be next to him, they both lean against a wall.

“He's said worse things to you…”

The girl doesn't buy the poor excuse, but she doesn't want to push him either. Sirius laughs, shrugs and brings the cigar to his lips.

"He's an idiot, he knows I always get sensitive on my birthday.”

They are silent for a few seconds, simply staring at the wall while the cigarette smoke rises each time the boy breathes it out.

"You know you can tell me anything, right?" She starts.

“Yes. I uh, I just didn't expect you to find me…”

"Surely someone would come looking for you at some point.”

"No, I made sure the three of them had enough drinks, even Lily." They both laugh.

"Why don't you want them to see you?"

Sirius drops his shoulders.

“Everyone will want to know what's wrong with me.”

“Like I’m doing?”

"Exactly."

Y/N bites her lower lip. “Then I better go…”

"No! Wait–” He stops her. "It's not that you bother me, it wasn't what I wanted to say…”

"It's okay, Sirius. I understand that sometimes we want to be alone. I just wanted to let you know that, whatever happens, I’m right here.”

Sirius has always been used to these situations and when his friends ask, he's told them that, on this date, there’ll be a moment when he’ll want to disappear for a few hours. They never insist.

"I know,” He smiles sweetly.

The boy’s never had the courage to confess, although he knows they were suspicious every year. But with Y/N, it could be different. He sighs, showing the crumpled piece of parchment with his shaking hands.

“Every year…” He says, throwing his cigarette on the floor. “Since I started school, my parents send me a letter for my birthday. And over time their words have turned into complaints,” the boy's eyes water again. “I know what you thinking… I must not let that affect me, they’re bad people, but…” the lump in his throat stops him. “But I no longer live with them, I didn’t expect a letter and, even so, they wanted to ruin my day. It’s stupid and cruel, I don’t understand... after everything that's happened…”

The girl doesn’t hesitate to surround Sirius's body in a strong hug and he responds by hiding his face in her neck. Y/N holds him, strokes his hair and whispers little 'it's okay', 'I'm here,'everything will be fine’…

After a few minutes, Sirius calms down, but his head rests on her shoulder.

“I know that even though you no longer live in the mansion, they want to hurt you in some way. Maybe you’re not angry because they ruined your birthday, but you’re angry because they still have some power over you…”

“Maybe…” he whispers.

"I'm not sure how I can help you with that, but you don't know what I would do to make you no longer feel pain, to make you forget all the bad things they caused… I can't do it and I know that It sounds horrible or weird, but thanks to everything you've been through, what you've lost, you’re here.”

"What?"

"We don't know what your life would be like if your parents had treated you better or if you had been sorted in Slytherin…” He makes a face making her laugh. "What I'm going to say is, if everything had been different, maybe you wouldn't have James, Remus and Peter as friends,” She takes her hand. “Maybe we wouldn’t be together…”

"I'd be with a group like my little brother's" He says horrified and she nods. Sirius looks down and notices their clasped hands. "I think I would at least flirt with you,” He jokes

"I don't think so, but we'll never know,” Y/N smiles and raises her free hand, touching the boy's cheek to bring him closer. “The important thing is that you’re here, you have the best friends, you are popular, one of the best in the class, surprisingly,” She jokes. “You have me… We can’t change our families, and I know it will always be a sore spot for you. But you’re lucky to have something better, Sirius. A real family.”

The black-haired man genuinely smiles and thinks about everything his girlfriend has told him.

"How did I not win you over before?" He says raising an eyebrow.

She lets out a laugh and shakes her head.

“You were too busy distracting yourself with other girls. And you can't say I made it easy for you.”

He winces as he remembers all the effort it took to even go out with the beautiful girl next to him.

"It was worth it,” he answers, kissing her gently.

Sirius throws away the letter from his parents and then deepens the kiss, placing his hand on her cheek. However, the beautiful moment is interrupted by the exaggerated screams of a rather drunk James. The poor boy with glasses staggers until he falls in front of the lovers.

"Sirius!" James gasps. "I've looked everywhere for you! I looked for you in the bathroom, behind the tables, next to the bottles, under the chairs, in Remus's sweater– but you weren't there!"

Sirius and the girl try their best not to laugh.

"Sorry, mate. But you already found me, what wrong? " Sirius says, helping James to sit up.

"I forgive you because it's your birthday, old man,” He chuckles, then he gasps again. “Sirius, it's your birthday! Y/N, we haven't given him his gift!"

She laughs. "That was about to get done, silly.”

Sirius frowns.

"But you both already gave me gifts…”

James rolls his eyes.

"No, Paddie, we have a better gift,” he searches in his pockets and panics. “I can't find it– Y/N I lost the letter! I’m the worst friend in the world!”

"James, lower your voice,” Sirius laughs.

“I have the letter, James. Calm down,” She rolls her eyes, takes out an envelope and hands it to Sirius.

"What is this?”

She smiles.

"Walburga and Orion are not the only ones who wanted to send you a birthday letter.”

“It's a letter from my parents! Do you remember them, Sirius? They gave you permission to stay in our house,”adds James lying on the floor with his head resting on one of Sirius's leg.

The black-haired man looks at the girl still confused.

“Euphemia and Fleamont wanted to congratulate you. I don’t know what that letter says, but I can assure you that it is much better than the one you received a while ago.”

"Yeah, it's better," James babbles.

"Do you want to be alone to read it?"

Sirius nods, but now the need to be alone is different.

“Okay," She kisses his lips chastely. "Come on, James. Lily must be looking for you…”

James lifts his head and stands up awkwardly.

"Lily flower?"

Y/N shakes her head laughing, kisses Sirius's cheek and then stands up. "Happy Birthday, my love.”

Sirius watches as his girlfriend helps his best friend to walk. Only when he is alone does he see the fine print on the envelope in his hands and he can’t help but smile at the written words.

'For our son, Sirius.’

[funkymbtifiction]

Si-Te or maybe just Si-dom in general

Well… Since there is one for Ti-Se, I think sharing how Si-Te works might be a nice idea. Disclaimer, it’s not pretty. It’s not wonderful. Si-Te can be a pain but it also is an asset. I want to share it to you guys the reality of being an ISTJ. I’m not here to debunk any myth. I’m only saying it as it is to me… So, let’s go, shall we?

First, what is Si-Te. If I would describe it, it is a slow-starting stallion. In my experience (it might vary between every ISTJ out there), before I can ever do anything well, I need shitload of trials and errors. I cannot really innovate or running on the flow. I need to learn thing from the very smallest piece and slowly piecing it all together into a full picture. It’s incremental, it takes time and it’s seriously slow.

The process of learning through slowly adjusting and experimenting every route possible – especially if there is no one to guide you at all – leads to internalization exactly what I perceive of that knowledge. It imprints clearly in your mind that you can pick it up as it is years later. It becomes a picture in your mind of what is the ‘truth’. The accumulated experience that rinsed up into a pack of worldview of how the world works. Every Si-users are different and each of us perceives and rinse different information into their own unique brand of world view. But it shares the same theme ‘experience from repeated trials and errors that can be pulled out in times of need’. It is what you might called ‘wisdom’ or ‘lore’. Think about some specialists who know everything about the woodland and all stories and beliefs related to each component. That’s high Si. 

When it comes to Si it must be followed by Te. Te is not just about fact and organization. It is about seeing ‘tangible’ and ‘measurable’ potential in given information and how to apply it. It is when you see some gall bringing in gold dust from a stream behind your house and immediately realize you can make a gold rush out of that stream. For me, Te is a useful tool to accomplish things in the real world. It’s a tool to apply your experience in a real problem solving and both Si and Te are working together though Si sorts of controlling Te thus, Te is limited by Si-internalized knowledge. So, the way Si and Te working together in very simplified term is ‘organizing the real world based on my knowledge of how the world works’.

Other theme I can think of that is actually Si but is typically mistook for Ni is mythology making. You see, for Si users, everything has a story attached to it. Every knowledge, everything has its own mythology and story embedded within. This will be a bit odd. I have some knowledge on traditional massage and medicine. Even if I don’t remember them word by word. In the end, I find myself having story of reference to every component of my knowledge. Like, I know how to massage. My friend asked me how do I know that I need to start from shoulder to hand and pull fingers. My first instinct is, because body is a stream. In my head, human body is like a stream that fall from top to bottom. Each nerve is a path way that is connected so when one massaged it is precisely tampering with the pathway itself. The pain or ache are a result of stagnant in pathway so one need to clear it downstream and open some ‘tunnel’ like one near the base of the hand to open the blood flow. See? It’s not verbatim fact. It is the experience accumulated into a picture, a story. I can’t even remember where I learn it tbh. It comes from so many sources. (Oh, and I told my friend, ‘body is like a waterfall, it starts from the top’). But I know it’s a fact because I can do it. See?

One example I want to share is when I reference my knowledge on field-working. I study Anthropology and field-working is a frequent event. Typically, my chosen field is ethnic groups thus I will often find myself in the village of some ethnic community. Like … my latest field is last week’s Urak Lawoi’ village in the south. The place is a community of Urak Lawoi’ people and in general they are quite distinct in belief systems to Thai people. They believe in spirits but much more internal than Thai people so … yeah, you get the picture.

When I got there, I first self-referenced back to my survey trip. I referenced back to the people I knew from the last trip and contacted them. Then I proceeded to talk to them (actually I organize the trip for my project, so there’s total 27 people there but I’ll focus more on my fieldwork rather than the organization itself). I recounted the information I learned last time, I referenced stories I heard last time. Things went on. Then, I brought my teammates to the dam uphill. It’s around 1 km. from the village up in the mountain. I can remember the way to the smallest details. I recounted my experience last time (like almost getting lost up the mountain before coming down to the correct turn) and tell them the story of what this place was used. It was a place used to prepare woods for boat-making ritual, there’s even some wood bark left. And I guided them to the stream behind the wood. Last time I went here I can remember it was very refreshing. Then I guided them up hill. Last time I struggled a lot, but this time I just knew where to step and how to speed up. I learned from the last time I came here. Soon, after we walked up and down a hill, we arrived at the dam. I could recall the refreshing wind and so on.

Then, a day later, I went to the ‘pléw’ or the graveyard. I needed to see the place because my project was about who this people are and because I needed to know more about their belief system. So, I went. But before I went, I told my team “Only 2 or 3 people please. And if we get there, be respectful toward the dead, don’t shout, don’t joke around, ok?” for me, it has been internalized that the place was for the dead. I must be respectful and quiet around the place. Because the dead are resting. It’s been like a ‘teaching’ in my head “Be respectful in that place”. Then I went there with some of my teammates. Before I get down to the graveyard, I stopped and asked for the dead’s permission first. It was just something I knew I needed to do. Then I went down. After that, when I climbed up, I crossed the line in my mind and walked over it. I remembered that to Urak Lawoi’s before one stepped up from the ‘other world’ like in Pracak ceremony where they sent their ancestors on a boat down the sea. They will draw line on the sand and walk over it to cross back to living world. I did precisely that, only in my mind. I learned from my Grandmother (she studied these things) that ‘you don’t need to actually do it, but do it in your mind intently enough you can feel it. The dead can sense it, too’. And I did just that. Because it was what should be done. Other thing was language, I soaked it up like sponge. Just two or three days I can understand what they are talking though I still cannot speak competently (I referenced it back to Bahasa Indonesia, it is closely related language) And list went on…

Good things aside, I want to mention how I fail gigantically to organize the project. I don’t know how to fix many unexpected problems because frankly I didn’t know what to do. Now I’m making up for my mistakes. It was a biggest downside of being Si-dom for me. This is my mistake, individually and I will not blame my type. I don’t know how to fix something I’ve never encountered before. But I needed to learn and I’m learning from my mistake and don’t repeat the same mistake again. The mistake here piled up so high that now I lost my friends and many people. It pained me so much just why cannot I be smarter, quicker to catch on things or react faster and sharper to the problems. But it was all because of my arrogance that I failed. I was too secretive and too in my head. Instead of consulting people, instead of letting people have freedom. I over controlled and pulled everything to myself. I chilled me to my bone, thinking back. Right now, I tried to open myself up more and giving people freedom to create. It is incredibly hard but I am trying my best to do it, to fix it and be a better person.

So, here I am. That’s something I want to share. Being Si-dom is not fun. I’m slow, I need a lot of time to learn something but I don’t really feel bad about it. Even if I make a lot of mistakes, I don’t think it’s really typed related. It’s only because I fail and I will need to learn to be better for it. Just some message to other ISJs who struggle out there. Just don’t give up. We are slow, but we can reach the same level of proficiency as anybody out there. 😊 We just need to walk at our own pace, that’s all.

Some random ISTJ guy …

Btw, do you have any leadership advice for ISTJs in general? And is it normal for 1w2 to avoid facing their mistakes (or imperfection) and needs a lot of things to ever push them to realize and finally actively fix it?

Mod: 1s hate to think they did anything wrong, so they generally don’t take it well when others correct them, infer they made a mistake, etc. They can become ‘reactive’ and defensive when they feel ‘accused.’ It’s important for them to realize this defense mechanism is just their instant insecurity about having been ‘bad’ -- it’s an irrational response, because ‘a mistake’ does not equal ‘bad.’ A flaw is not the end of the world. They should learn to combat their anger with humor and chuckle about their need to be seen as ‘good’ all the time. (This moves them closer up their line 7 to where they can have fun and have a sense of humor about themselves.) Leadership in general... uh... be considerate of all the needs present and realize that not everyone will live up to your high standards of performance; cut them some slack where it’s needed, and make sure to tell people they did a good job when they did one. Others need more affirmation than most 1w2 STJs.

[acadstuds]

my first ever year in uni is done! to commemorate, I’ve wanted to share how I experienced college and how I coped through it, with the stress and all. although with the current times, some of these may not be relevant as of the moment since most have transitioned to online classes, though when the time comes and we can all do onsite classes once again, I hope this would help you guys in some way! 😊 this is typewritten in laps lock btw sorry hihi

(note that I said ‘kinda’ since these are all just personal opinions and obviously, we all have different experiences hehe but nonetheless I hope this is helpful ily all <3 also, I put related links in some parts so that you guys can check it out if you want!)

what to expect in uni?

adjustment period. this is inevitable. the length varies to each person, however. some may instantly click within just a day, but others it may take weeks. hey, it's okay. don't beat yourself up for it. it takes time! you'll learn to be comfortable with your surroundings in time.

adapting to new surroundings. like I said, this varies. but personally, it would be great it if you become familiar with places around your uni and all the hidden treasures it has for you within your first few weeks. this will make it easier for you to find a place you can call your own nook, where you can feel comfortable staying while studying, like a hole-in-the-wall cafe or study hub. this helps give you a sense of constancy, having a place that you can always go to.

feeling like an outsider. it happens. being a freshman obviously means that you don't know anything that happens within the campus. the traditions are all new to you and don't be embarrassed if you're not aware of it beforehand. heck, most of them doing it probably don't even know them when they were freshmen either. soon, you'll come to learn about it, and it may even become part of your traditions as well!

how to make friends?

try to at least to make one friend or two during the start, especially when you are given tours or any freshmen activity the uni has prepared, so you won't be alone and risk getting lost by yourself!

if you have a block, this goes the same as well! a simple smile and some small talk can do wonders. then again, it is completely understandable if you can't make the first move. don't fret over it! there will be a lot of friendly and nice people who can do so, and you can start from there :)

but remember also, this people you get to know may or may not be the ones you'll be spending your whole college life with. sometimes by the end of the year, you're not even seeing the first people you hung out with, and that's completely okay! but also remember to have at least someone with you, a support system if you may call it. I swear it will make your life in college 100x more bearable, especially if you're far away from your friends back at home.

(quick disclaimer: I commute my way to uni, so I don't have a dorm, but I have tons of friends who do! so here's what I learned through them, especially during the times I had to stay the night at their place for a requirement or a night out drinking hehe)

having a designated container for everything

this makes everything easier to navigate to, especially if you're running late since you already know what you need to get and where to get it. if you have roommates, this makes it easier for you to know whose is who and avoid mixing all of your things together.

you can buy some cute little boxes for your containers to add some decorations, but if you decide to go with some old brown food pack boxes, as long as you know where you're putting them, go ahead.

how you decide to organize them in the container, however, is completely up to you. to recommend, I would like to follow the ever so famous KonMari method (here’s a good article to understand all about it, with videos!) as this has really made it easier for me personally in my own room, as I have my own containers as well.

stay clean - please do.

for starters, I think it's completely necessary to at least clean your room, like a general cleaning, once a month.

sweeping the floor? at least twice a week.

taking the trash out? at least every other day.

cleaning/organizing your desk? every time before you go to bed or before class. 

this will help not just in making everything more sanitized, but it’s also a good way to practice self-discipline. cleaning is also known to be very therapeutic! (great article links here: x, x) like they say, a clear desk, clear mind. keeping your space clean is the least you can do for yourself.

roommates

it is both a hit or miss if you're roommates with a friend. believe me. this can either strengthen your relationship, or not.

the important thing here is that you both respect each other's privacy, and each other's space. all the better if both of you are on the same page when it comes to how to clean your place, but if not,   the best thing is that you make it clear between the both of you to not interfere with one another when it comes to your sides of the room. i've had friends whose dorm looks like two different places at once, but they made it work!

essentials

my previous post regarding my bag essentials (here) is still the same as ever even in uni, with just a few additions! you can click the link if you want to see the whole length of it, but if you can’t, here’s a summary of what I think is the most needed things in your bag:

water bottle (drink your h2o pls)

sanitary kit + medicine kit

power bank (with a cord ofc)*

extra change

earphones

alcohol/hand sanitizer (!!!)

mask*

umbrella* (side note: the weather whenever I’m in uni seems to be so random I swear, it’s all sunny then after not even an hour passes, it’s so cloudy and looks like it could rain anytime! So yes, umbrella is needed.)

*these are new additions from the previous post I did! make sure those items that have cords have cord holders, too! So it’s more organized 😉

how to organize them

there isn’t really an exact way to organize it, but again, the best thing for me is to make sure that it is accessible for you to get what you need quickly. I personally use small containers to keep those with the same purpose together (like the kits and a pouch for my power bank and earphones)

if your bag has pockets on the side, put your water bottle there and your umbrella to save some space inside!

to avoid any possible theft, put your most valuable items at the bottom of your bag (like for example, your wallet, if you don’t need it and you have some loose change with you, put it at the bottom)

keeping it clean

my only advice for this is that you should clean and organize your bag pretty frequently. like your room, cleaning your bag can also be therapeutic (refer to previous links!). taking the trash out like scrap paper and other junk can be actually be cathartic for you and help release some stress.

importance of tracking expenses

here’s the thing: money can be pretty scary. even though I still live at  home with my parents, balancing my allowance for the week is pretty stressing! what more for those far away from their homes? you really need to be aware of what you’re buying and how much money you’re spending each day so that you can track and find the best way to utilize your allowance.

it's so tempting to spend a lot, especially when you’re with friends. It would be better if you and your friends also keep it in mind on checking your expenses! me and my friends, to save, would just usually go to the same place most days of the week that has a menu that is within our budget. this is so that when we have plans on going out by the end of the week or after a hellish one, we have some money to spare and splurge on!

It’s a good thing to note, especially in countries where student loans are commonly used, that tracking expenses and saving money can be extremely helpful in the long run. (I live in the PH so I am entirely familiar with student loans in the US and other countries so here’s an article that I think could help regarding saving money as a college student: link here)

why you need to save

learning how to save money is pretty beneficial for you and your discipline with handling money. this will definitely let you realize the value of it.

having extra money is extremely important because there will always be times when you suddenly need to spend, whether it be for a requirement or an emergency, and you need to prepared for those situations.

personally, saving money makes me feel independent and that I can manage on my own even if I still live with my parents. for those that are far away from their homes, this can be the same for them, too.

some tips in saving money

budgeting your money. my way of budgeting my money is that I would always take off 10-15% of my allowance first and immediately put that part of my savings for the week. after, I would equally divide the remaining money to each day I have classes for my lunch and commute (I only have classes 4 days a week with a uniform schedule, so I work around that). there would be times that I overspend due to needed contributions for requirements, so I make sure to always check how much there is of my savings and if ever, I would lower the 10-15% savings for that week to about 5%.

If you don’t need it immediately, don’t buy it. my rule for this is if I take more than 5 minutes to think about if I need or not, then it just means that I don’t need it immediately, so I let it go. If you really need that particular item, you wouldn’t spend so much time wondering if you really need to. so, bye and see you when I need you!

group meals all day, every day! sharing meal combos with your friends are definitely one of the best ways to save since you all are saving some extra cash. make sure to plan accordingly with your friends so that you get the best deal, and eat some good food without hearing a cry from your wallet.

student discounts are lifesavers. no matter how small or big the percentage off is, it will sure be a blessing so use it whenever you can! (the psychology students of my college have a organization called PsychSoc and all of us psych students are given these ‘psych cards’ that you can use with a 10% discount to all the stores given in the card, and yes you can say that I am using my card a lot haha)

there are a lot more that I would share that I think is extremely helpful especially to my fellow Filipinos, but I’m planning to make a separate post for that!

importance of managing your time with studies and orgs

admittedly, healthy study habits are hard to keep up with. this is especially challenging if you’re in an org or a club that’s pretty active and you have to split your time with it and your studies. keeping a routine can with help that! it is extremely important that you have a guide to follow so that you won’t feel like you’re swarmed with all of the pending tasks to do, whether it’s for your org or your class.

starting a routine. beginning something is always awkward, and sometimes you don’t know where to start so here’s some simple things I can suggest:

cutting back on your time on social media and streaming websites and adding more to your study time. that series you want to binge-watch? it can wait. set a time in your week where you can watch it and try to pace yourself. that goes for whatever is happening on twitter, facebook, or any social media.

trying the pomodoro technique! old, but gold. here’s a great post regarding it: (x)

doing your papers or other tasks immediately. better start now, than regret not doing so later. finishing a task immediately means you’re already done with one thing on your list, and this will help prevent you from piling up things on your to do list and cram at the last minute!

schedule non-academic or non-org related group hangouts after major activities and not before. you’re friends need to be on the same page with you with this, and it’s better that you are all agreeing with setting a night out on a date that is academic free, so you won’t have to worry about passing or attending something the next day.

understand that sometimes it’s okay to prioritize one over the other. if you have a major exam upcoming, talk to your org officers and tell them the you won’t be attending that much, they will understand! and also, tell yourself that it’s okay to shorten your study time for an important org event. you don’t have to always split your time equally, you just to need to split it based on what is more important for you at the moment.

 And lastly,

why you shouldn't forget to have fun

come on, you’re in college! have fun, meet new people, go out and drink (responsibly) and just feel like a college student. You don’t always have to be studying, you should make time for yourself to take a break and just relax and interact with your friends.

this will make things more bearable. college is an experience and you should experience it to the fullest. make your time count! doing this makes it easier to cope with your college life in the long run.

having fun is okay. don’t forget that! with all the stress coming through, especially during finals week, adding some fun makes it worth it. doing group studies with your friends, with you guys actually studying, is bound to bring some unexpected funny moments you’ll never forget. taking a breather from studying and playing some games can also be beneficial for you to relieve some stress. and like I said, maybe cleaning can help, too! just make sure that you’re not relaxing or studying too much, as too much can be harmful. always remember to try to balance things out, and that you got this! go and kick college’s butt!

thanks for making it up to here! it means a lot! and while we’re at it, buy me coffee? https://ko-fi.com/acadstuds <3

[zesbian]

Okay, so with this whole ADHD/Tik Tok situation, I believe it started after that Jimmy Kimmel was gonna host that ‘charity event’ that was also discovered to be sponsored by some groups (or it was just a singular organization) that promoted ‘therapies’ that ‘cured’ autism. Which is all very horrible, and not great timing after the Music/Sia controversy. And a lot of autistic creators came together to help educate and make sure that celebs that were gonna be a part of this charity were made aware of all the terrible things that were attached to it. (And if my memory serves me right, I believe only Rhett & Link dropped out & Philip DeFranco had a hand in spreading this info) And that’s all wonderful and great, then the autistic creators on Tik Tok were going to do a counter-charity event (which ended up getting canceled bc one of the autistic creators got exposed for not supporting or uplifting autistic people of color or something to that effect, I should add). And this led to a conversation afterwards about ableism & Autism Speaks. A lot of us ADHD-ers and other neurodivergent people were there to help and educate others about how terrible organizations like AS were. Then that’s when a lot of anti-ADHD stuff started spreading... Like, I started noticing non-adhders, neurotypicals who were also anti-Autism speaks & even autistic ppl themselves really trying to downplay the everything about us, basically. There were videos saying “how dare ADHD-ers try to even align themselves with autistic people?! They will never understand what we go through” , “ADHD-ers are essentially neurotypical, bc Autism Speaks isn’t after them.” & lastly things like “ADHD-ers are so annoying any time they talk about their issues.” And it even got to a point where ADHD-ers themselves were downplaying their own issues & struggles! Saying stuff like “I mean, it’s hard sometimes...” & “Our problems aren’t even close to comparing to yours.” It’s really disheartening and tragic to see that... Like, I still 100% want Autism Speaks gone, I want ppl to stop thinking Autistic ppl need to be cured, and I also believe we need to stop 1-uping each other with our symptoms. It gets us nowhere in the end.

(no one rb cause I don’t wanna deal with discourse about my own disorder lol)

that’s interesting, and pretty disheartening if it is the origins of all this. there are aspects of autism that make it “worse” than adhd of course, but i hate this sort of “if one thing is worse, it cancels out everything else” internet armchair activism attitude that teens and chronically online people seem to have. like breaking both legs is technically worse than breaking just one leg, but that doesn’t mean both people don’t deserve care and accommodations lol. I also definitely think that the internet goes through periods where they have to punch down at a specific group as a means to sort of get out hateful energy and still be seen as this like woke and good person. and it’s not a surprise to anyone that they specifically choose groups that already have stereotypes of being mostly younger or people who have an ~annoying~ online presence (asexual tumblr specifically, nonbinary community, adhd community, etc). like it’s literally so obvious and makes me sad cause it’s so counter productive and just feeds the narrative that people with adhd just need to work harder and take up less space and then we’ll be cured 🙃. I also wanna add (and I’m not accusing you of this either btw) that I do think it was mostly neurotypicals who were wrongly self diagnosing themselves based off tiktoks with incorrect diagnostic criteria and symptoms who rly started the “adhd isn’t that big of a deal” thing where we currently are. also there’s the aspect of white people with adhd trying to act like their diagnosis of being neurodivergent makes them immune to criticism or being racist lol (that seems to be a smaller group of mostly shitty teenagers with no concept of anything on tiktok, but also not a surprise since there’s always that group of “woe is me” white people in any community)

[sirsparklepants]

I've been staring at my WIPs a lot recently, as you do, and I think it's time to release everything I've got of my favorite story I will never write. I kind of fell out of Overwatch before I had the spoons for longfic, and now there's so much lore to catch up on (this dates from before Doomfist was released) that I'm just not going to be able to incorporate, but it's still a really great idea that I really love, so I'm going to put my story notes and snippets out into the wild.

The Darkness In Our Hands

Jesse McCree wasn't expecting to get a message when the Recall went out. He'd been Blackwatch, after all - he'd written half their playbook. But he'd lived five years with the death and slander of Gabriel Reyes burning in his chest, not knowing who to blame, and this new Overwatch was the best way to find out who had killed him so he could kill them right back. But the deeper he looks, the more mysteries he finds - and he'll need some help if he's ever going to get his justice.

[[MORE]]

Crime and conspiracy fic

Opening: McCree, in the middle of nowhere, New Mexico - give insight into the state of the world and how territorial governments are, him thinking on Reyes and what he owes to him, the recall message, decides to respond but have his own agenda.

He travels thinking about how different from the rest of Overwatch Blackwatch was, and how he hopes at least one Blackwatch agent has made it back, thinking about past with Genji - flashbacks to unsavory missions maybe? Arrival - he sees new faces and is not particularly prepared because he didn't feel it was secure enough to ask on a comm line who was there. Not as familiar with this base, paranoia rising, but then a familiar face! Sort of. (when he arrives Reinhardt and Brigitte are fighting about Brigitte calling Torb on him, Reinhardt doesn't want to pull Torb away from his wife) ← might combine these two into one chapter?

Genji puts him off when he initially tries to talk though, and when McCree pulls him aside to speak about his own personal mission Genji talks first about Hanzo and Genji's changes, and McCree realizes that Genji is so utterly different as to be unrelatable, so he never does tell Genji the whole story of why he's there. Genji asks him to give Hanzo a chance instead of acting on his loyalties to Genji and providing retribution. End of section, Hanzo arrives

McCree and Hanzo spend some time scoping each other out but they can both tell they're very different from the people around them. A particular do-gooder incident happens and they bond over looking at each other like “r u srs rn”. Meanwhile, Winston is creating profiles for everyone and trying to find a fit for like… intelligence gathering, brute force, explosives, etc - team roles I guess? In the interests of that are exhaustive interviews and training. First kinky sex somewhere in here

McCree is getting antsy at this point and I need to move along from character development to actual plot, so time to send out trial field intel squad for a rootin tootin hopefully not shootin time! They go - somewhere with a large Asian population where someone McCree’s size won't stand out. Uh. This is a note to do more research into where Omniums are. Hong Kong maybe? Hong Kong is a good city for crime. Maybe Singapore if I want to make things difficult for them what with all the weapons laws. Anyway. Somewhere with an omnic population that's not great with outsiders but Genji knows enough about their culture to be respectful and he's metal enough he won't stand out. They're not actually researching Talon but McCree is! Hanzo catches him and then they're wary partners. The omnic culture thing is a breadcrumb, be sure to emphasize it.

They leave and Genji finds out Jesse and Hanzo are screwing and starts laughing and taunting them both and being a fucker, he gets slightly let in on the Reyes plot, Intel Squad tentatively a success, they've all bonded and everyone is confused about it

Meanwhile while they were gone a stomach bug swept the base and Mercy throws a fit about not being a GP. McCree shares a cigar with her to calm her down and starts making a plan to try and get information sneakily out of everyone by reminiscing - I think??? No one knows who Reaper actually is at this point??? Anyway everyone talks shit about the UN and there's more worldbuilding dumps because this feels like the right place to put it. McCree and Hanzo and Genji are kept basically quarantined until the base isn't contagious and in that time they devise A Plan. Also enter Zenyatta because Mercy really needs a backup doctor

Lúcio isn't vetted yet so McCree gets sent out alone to send him an offer, there's a Talon base in Brazil he investigates on the way maybe? I feel like this is enough outline to be getting on with atm tho. Yeah, talon base in Brazil where there's a mention of Talon trying to infiltrate Vishkar

Meanwhile, Ana and 76 have shown up at Gibraltar because they figured out someone was tracking their movements and wanted to go to ground in the general area but spotted the activity there and they're both not best pleased that Overwatch has started back up. When McCree comes back with Lúcio there's another fight he walks into - a running joke? Every time he returns to base there's someone yelling. Second kinky sex, very dominance and pain flavored because McCree needs to shut his brain up. Or maybe not, that’s a long time to go without porn??? Maybe they have coitus interruptus with Genji and that’s how he finds out

Ana and 76 hang around for a while but can't stomach the idea of being there too long because they have their own mission but they drop the bomb that Reaper is Reyes and he's Teh Evulz now because they know too much and i need to get rid of them so we don’t have experienced field operatives for mccree to work around. Also some Widowmaker info dump here. McCree pretends to be shocked but he has a different definition of evil than most people so he doubles down on his investigation and wants Hanzo to give up some contacts. Metal arm fisting here maybe???

what. the fuck. has reaper been doing all this time. has he just been swanning around in the background ruining investigations? maybe he’s laying low because the winston raid thing made him so visible? talon needs to work underground so yeah this sounds right. in the meantime VISKHAR because lucio is here now so we can talk more about the evils of corporations and have corporate espionage going on. Lucio says they should look more into vishkar and they make contact with symmetra who is a whistleblower, ideological clash because that’s what i’m about. lucio and symmetra are both trans with prosthetics btw, that’s happening now because i said so and because hormones are a horrible way to control someone and so it makes sense that vishkar controls sym’s access to them along with her arm. because they’re fuckers. A N Y W A Y vishkar knows things about the old omnica corporation.

sombra makes contact with them here because she’s been keeping an eye on the new overwatch and talon thinks that maybe mccree could be an ally, not that he knows that at the time but they test him out with a dead drop with omnic-related code shit on a TEAM MISSION which happens to, idk, build goodwill or something. winston got info from someone for something and i have to have at least one team mission happen in the foreground, it can’t be all background shit and Intel Group. the mission goes. okay-ish. someone gets fairly seriously injured? tracer, maybe, or reinhardt, either way i can write their significant others fussing over them. it’s a member of old overwatch so winston can be conflicted and take people off field missions for a bit so mccree can tinker around and end up having to ask zenyatta for help. a much longer sex scene than normal here somewhere? OHYES this is where i’m gonna stick the scene where Hanzo makes McCree take off his prosthetic legs and makes McCree leave on his prosthetic arm (because pain kink and metal arm kink and he has to have both arms to handle him) and basically makes McCree fuck him in exactly the way he likes, up to and including making McCree bounce him up and down on his lap. AND THEN ACTUAL AFTERCARE HAPPENS FOR ONCE, A TURNING POINT. perhaps there’s a scene where one of them lays their head on the other’s sweaty heaving chest and doesn’t even mind the sweat in fine romance novel tradition

something has to happen here for pacing reasons but i’m fucked if i know exactly what. uhhhh for Reasons they have to go to an omnic city? more omnic culture and worldbuilding dump here.

aaaaand then the Reveal Chapter: reyes knows something about this mystery mccree stumbled into when he was investigating the death, and he’s willing to talk. hanzo and mccree make plans to meet with him. and then we find out that the reason reyes blew switzerland was because he was working for talon ALL ALONG. the chapter ends with a ridiculous dramatic sequence where mccree puts together all the evidence and goes “so talon was created to fight the god programs”

okay this is the chapter when i get down to the nitty-gritty and break down the structure of talon and have like. a nice artsy chapter explaining how the omnics came to be and how the government created wars to be fucks and all that. i will get to the details of this LATER but the important part is that at the end of it hanzo and mccree are secret talon moles and they have actually pretty kink-free sex while staring into each other’s eyes and kind of freak each other out with how they like and trust each other and that doesn’t happen in their world but it’s overshadowed by the freakout of them agreeing to work for a shadow organization that wants to destabilize all the world’s governments, the fuck were we thinking??? the fuck was i thinking this isn’t even the proper climax, i die

okay for pacing reasons i have to have at least two chapters of them doing double agent things and getting more deeply involved in overwatch, fuck. some public missions should be mentioned where they like. intervene in humanitarian crisises and shit. crises. whatever. maybe hanzo and mccree have to split up and feel sad that they miss each other? one chapter for hanzo to make contact with his shady criminal underworld people to get verifiable info - maybe like. idk. plastic surgery clinic records - and mccree to re-emerge and rehabilitate his image?

and after that one chapter where like. winston gets suspicious about shit. and maybe??? they have to bring EVERYONE in on this huge conspiracy? they have enough evidence to convince other people? yeah i like this, i want to emphasize how ragtag and vigilante-like and underground the new overwatch is. probably an actual defining the relationship talk and possessive sex here.

story ends with like. a giant news story break i think. as i get closer to the end i’ll know more about what threads need resolving. BUT that is the end of my outline. I DID IT HOORAY

Notes

So McCree responds to the recall not because he believes in the cause like Winston does - he probably still sees most of Overwatch as outsiders, although he's at least surface friendly with most of them by the time he leaves based on in-game interactions - but because something in Overwatch killed Reyes, who he doesn't yet know is Reaper, and joining back up with Overwatch is his best chance to find out what it was and hit them back for killing someone who had his loyalty. He's friendly still because that's the best way to get what he wants, i.e. information and access to records, but this isn't like Blackwatch. He's not surrounded by people who came from the same type of lawless loyalty structure he did, who think the way he thinks - they all believe in restorative justice, and his whole life, justice has been nothing but punitive. The only person he was counting on to understand him, Genji, has changed, and it's probably better for him, but he's become different. He doesn't lash out the way he used to. He believes in second chances, where in the places they both came from, you paid for a second chance in blood. He's done with revenge. He's well and truly gotten out of the life, and McCree has never changed his mindset and never will, because it's kept him alive this long. But Genji has brought along someone he does understand - his brother. McCree gets Hanzo, he gets why he did what he did, even though he regrets it. McCree isn't happy about it, but when he was fifteen he came along to meet the cartels with Deadlock, and when he was sixteen he saw what they did to turncoats. You pay for treachery with blood in their world, and Genji betrayed the Shimadas by passing along information. Hanzo paid when he lost his place, and he made his clan pay for what they made him do. Him, McCree understands, and McCree starts testing him out, because he could use an ally in finding out what was under the surface of squeaky clean Overwatch.

And Hanzo understands him. Hanzo is here because he owes a debt to his brother, still, and because he wants to understand Genji. But everyone in Overwatch is alien to him. They take him working for them as a given, as if of course he would want to make up for what he's done. But there's a difference between owing a debt and regretting his whole life. Hanzo was an assassin after he left the Shimadas, and he feels no need to atone for that. It was what he was skilled in, and he also became skilled in finding things out his clients did not wish him to, because being manipulated by his clan taught him to be canny, to find out people's real motivations. So he knows McCree wants his skills for something, but he's willing to make an alliance for the sake of mutual understanding.

So they ally together, with the understanding that any betrayal will be paid in blood, that they both know different tricks of the trade. McCree wants information on Overwatch, and Hanzo wants protection and information on Genji. McCree works on the old guard to find things out, and Hanzo gets in touch with his criminal contacts in every place he's deployed on a mission. And they start to find things out about Talon...

I don't actually know what the resolution to that story would be. The talon-is-hydra-overwatch-is-shield thing has been done. Maybe I'd go a route of "talon was actually founded by Reaper to fight corruption in the UN and that's how he has all those Blackwatch members" and there would be a worldwide conspiracy where the God programs and therefore the omnic crisis were created by top tiers of government and weapons corporations to create a threat that would keep governments separate, give them more power, and give the companies more profit.

...y'know what I actually really like that idea. The world was getting closer and closer to more human rights and one large global government, and corporations and world powers really didn't like that. So what's the best way for humans to give power to government? When they want to be protected from a threat, of course. And they won't be thinking rationally. They'll want to stay apart, because of course the whole thing is *insert other country*'s fault. So Hanzo and McCree run into Reaper and discover this conspiracy and are from then on Reaper's agents inside Overwatch, both to get information and to get enough media exposure they're familiar faces and trusted by the public. So when they blow this thing wide open, it can't be swept under the rug.

Bonus things in this story:

-they have to bring Genji in because he has the most connections to the omnic community through Zenyatta and Omnics have some key evidence to the conspiracy

-bastion provides an essential clue.

-omnic culture and worldbuilding

-underground cities

-Sombra is key, both as a contact that knows what's going on in Mexico (where Important Things should happen just because I mentioned the cartels so they should play at leat a minor part) and in helping them to get into Blackwatch data undetected

-symmetra helps them spy on Vishkar, which was one of the corporations to profit the most from the crisis because they got the most contracts for rebuilding

-Hanzo, McCree, and Genji sit around and exchange stories about things they had to do for deadlock/the Shimadas; it's all horrifically violent and gory but they all three get drunk and laugh about it because it's their life and they won't let it break them and it kept them alive

-it ends with Genji being happy that he's not forced to do lots of violence any more and McCree and Hanzo being perfectly happy with their very violent lives

So Talon has a ruling council which both Reaper and Doomfist are a part of and factions are #confirmed (ty for info people who are up on overwatch lore I Cannot watch a video rn), and Talon is all involved in a global conspiracy. That's canon. So what if Talon is several disparate movements that allied themselves? They need to fight this war on all the fronts they can, given the potential power of their opponents.

Irl, the UN is not a super powerful body - people put much more faith in individual governments of countries. So what makes the UN able to create a peacekeeping force? Well, what if before the crisis, some large thing happened that made the world move towards one earth government and the UN being powerful is remnants of that?

Kind of tempted to channel my frustration with the world falling apart and all the political conflicts into saying that in like... 2022 or sth, something bad enough happened that humanity decided that the only solution was to come together - perhaps we came close to nuclear annihilation? Just writing about it as a small bit of backstory and making the Scary Potential a side note in history seems like it could be really reassuring. Thoughts? (2020 note: I wrote this in 2017 and all I have to say today is OOF)

With this cooperation between nations, corporations couldn't take advantage of cheap labor in developing countries any more, and there was more of a focus on education. That could account for the leaps and bounds in science in sixty years. But that lack of cheap labor meant that robotics was developed more and more, until automation became artificial intelligences. Omnics.

The game takes place in 2076 and the Crisis took place anywhere from 20 to 30 years before that. I'll say it didn't officially start until 2050, but for several years there were developing tensions and small-scale attacks. Historians disagree about the exact cause of the crisis.

It was in the best interest of the Omnica Corporation to not let on how intelligent and sentient Omnics were - with the new focus on human rights, it was only a matter of time before an omnic rights movement erupted.

But the information started to leak. Sometime in the late 2040s, people who worked closely with Omnics started to talk to other people, tell them about how they really were intelligent and person like. And if it came out that the corporation had been deliberately hiding that, things would be bad.

So they had to do damage control.

Meanwhile, the governments of nations that used to be world powers, that used to do as they pleased, aren't that pleased with the fact that they have a lot of eyes on them and they can't meddle the way they used to in the world.

So they get together, and they throw money at the problem, and they come up the the God Programs.

Scientists worked in cells, and when they were done, they often disappeared. There could be no evidence.

And then it didn't matter how intelligent Omnics were. They were the enemy, and everyone hated them. The top executives of the Omnica corporation knew they would be hated, so they had a backup plan. They disappeared. They had surgeries. Their money went somewhere else under a different name. And they resurfaced in areas very far from any of the fighting.

Here is the secret that the Omnics and Sombra help uncover: Omnics were not meant to evolve, to change, beyond basic learning. Originally, they couldn't modify themselves. They had to come to a licensed technician, who was human. Quality control. Planned obsolescence. What the God programs did was take that cap off, distribute a patch that meant that Omnics could fix themselves - but there was a worm in the code that allowed them to be taken over. And the information that would allow that to happen? Before the crisis, it was proprietary corporate information. That shit had the highest security levels in the modern world. Corporations are very protective of their secrets. So either they were infiltrated or the crisis was an inside job. Either way, it was orchestrated by humans.

There's an implication that no humans worked in the Omniums at all, that they were completely automated, and I'm just... Gonna ignore that because it boggles the mind. The people who worked there did have to wear constant radiation shielding because apparently if Omniums are destroyed they leak radiation (or is it that the Australian one was destroyed with a nuclear device? Can anyone help me find a straight answer on this because it makes no sense) but they did work there because automation and seeing things indirectly through cameras and things means the Omniums were networked, and if they were networked they were less secure. So people worked there.

The plan to make the god programs was started off by the fraud accusations and was what caused the executives to bail the fuck out. Several plastic surgery clinics got entirely new wings just before the omnic crisis and I think this should be a weird clue that someone - probably Sombra through her hacking or Symmetra through her knowledge of corporate ins and outs - digs up.

The God programs and the militarized omnics that were pumped out allowed omnics to modify themselves and to develop things like their own independent communication methods and languages. Omnic language is a combination of binary and different computer code languages. There are different regional "dialects" depending what code language was easiest for the omnics in the area to learn and adapt to when modifying their own programming. It's also most often encrypted with... Probably some method I'll have to do research on.

Oops well I think I just ran myself into a big fuckin' wall here, and that wall is Widowmaker. She is canonically brainwashed by Talon into an assassin, and I don't want to make her husband Awful Abusive Forever and erase what was done to her.

Maybe Widowmaker is the face of Talon's moral ambiguity - she was created by a now-defunct Mad Science branch because while her husband wasn't awful for her, he was in a key position, and killing him would destabilize the power structure, and because Talon as a group's motto is probably "the end justifies the means", they still use her. This is probably a major sticking point for any omnics that want to join Talon's cause, and I could use that to highlight how desperate people can get when they're facing someone who has massive power over them.

Actually, have a couple of crime and conspiracy fic tidbits related to that: when he first went on the run, Hanzo got a nasty infection because he was so used to biotics that he didn't glove up or properly sterilize his tools before treating his own wounds. After a ten day course of penicillin derivative and a bad stomach reaction to them, he learned. Conversely, Deadlock probably had one or two fairly low-power biotic emitters, probably military surplus, and use of them was a privilege if you were high-ranking or a reward if you'd done particularly well but got kind of fucked up in the meantime. McCree has one or two big scars on his torso, and they're pretty visible because he got them young, but they don't inhibit his movements because he got treatment for them during his Blackwatch days. Hanzo, on the other hand, has a nasty hypertrophic scar on his upper thigh from the infection he got, and it occasionally restricts his movements.

Snippets

The stomach virus one

They hadn't been directed to medbay after the debriefing. This new Overwatch hadn't exactly established much standard operating procedure - hard to when you were a bunch of vigilantes and more or less all wanted under international law - but it still struck Jesse wrong, whatever Winston said. He'd known Angela longer than he'd known anyone here but Genji. They didn't run in the same circles, but they'd both been recruited before they were really supposed to be, and that gave them a bit of camaraderie Jesse wasn't afraid to lean on. He left the Shimadas to their not quite good-natured bickering and headed for the office just off the infirmary.

Angela's face, when he opened the door, made him glad he'd stopped by. Even her legendary (and probably nanite-enhanced, given the direction of her research) youthful looks were flagging under some kind of strain. Her undereyes were dark and her mouth was drawn, which in a trauma surgeon used to work in the field meant she'd been working for days on four hours or less. Jesse didn't have to do much beyond waving the nice cigars he'd picked up in (location) at her before she was out of her chair and headed towards the nearest balcony with him, monitor clipped to the lapel of her white coat. They hadn't smoked together since the recall, but the old tradition they shared seemed to be as clear in her mind as it was in his.

He was quiet for a few moments, just passing her the lighter, until they'd both blown out slow mouthfuls of fragrant smoke. Then Angela sighed, and some of the tension slipped away from her shoulders as she stared off at the waves. "You probably shouldn't be even this close to me, Jesse."

Jesse laughed at her, a low quiet chuckle. Anything truly serious and Athena wouldn't have let him anywhere near medical. "And why's that?" he asked her, slowly pulling in the rich smoke and rolling it around his mouth.

"The whole base has come down with a nasty stomach virus," she told him. "I have most of them in cots, hooked up to IVs. It's horrible! A certain amount of bodily fluids is to be expected in this job, of course, but the cleaning drones simply can't keep up. It's as much as I can do to keep everyone hydrated and mostly clean. Comfortable is out of the question. It's very contagious, and I haven't done work like this since my residency! I'm not a generalist. I don't prescribe birth control or deal with routine ailments!" Her accent grew sharper as she spoke, and when she'd finished, she took a deep breath before taking her own smooth pull of cigar smoke.

Jesse winced. He was glad any lingering sour smell was covered up by their cigars. He'd take blood and guts over vomit any day. "The whole base?" he asked. No wonder the corridors had been so quiet.

Angela nodded emphatically. "Everyone present, except for Winston, of course. I'm simply thankful it isn't zoonotic."

Jesse whistled. The infirmary had to be filled to capacity. "And nothing you've given 'em makes the nausea any better? That does sound nasty."

Angela froze with her cigar halfway to her mouth, and then began to curse emphatically. (German curses here.) She pulled her bangs with her free hand. "I can't believe I've been so stupid! I never give patients an antiemetic, it's dangerous when they could have been drinking poisoned water, but that doesn't apply here! (More German curses.)" Eventually, she subsided and took a particularly vicious pull off of her cigar.

"Easy with that," Jesse told her. "That's the good stuff - don't waste it."

"Oh, I'm not wasting it, believe me," she told him. "It's keeping me from storming Winston's office and demanding he add a generalist to the staff. Doctors have specializations, and this one isn't mine!"

"I could talk to him, if you like," Jesse told her. His voice was even, though inside he was triumphant. He'd wanted a reason to bring Zenyatta on, and the universe had just dumped it in his lap. "Might even have someone in mind."

"Would you?" Angela asked him, staring wistfully at the half a cigar she had left. "It's only - I have to dose everyone now, and wait half an hour to see how they respond, and I haven't slept since - too long."

"Wouldn't mind a bit," Jesse told her. "You worry about clearing out the infirmary. I'll work on our fearless leader."

Angela looked, briefly, as if she was about to cry. Instead, she breathed in deeply and closed her eyes for a moment. When she opened them again, her expression had settled. "Thank you, Jesse," she told him, and smiled. The expression was no less lovely for being surrounded by signs of her exhaustion. "These really are quite nice," she added, puffing again on her cigar.

Jesse laughed. "You come find me whenever you need another one," he told her. They smoked the rest of their cigars in silence.

The twelve o'clock high one

76 - Morrison - sighed. There came the sounds of him pacing around the room, his ridiculous boots heavy against the grating. "Winston," he said finally, "you like movies. You ever watch any old war movies - from the 20th century, I mean?"

"Well, no," Winston said, sounding honestly puzzled. "Most of them are well over a century old. I didn't think they'd have much cultural relevance."

Morrison snorted. "Not much cultural relevance," he repeated. "Maybe not out in the world, but here in Overwatch - in any place you've got to take command and order people into the line of fire - they still matter. Put one on your list. Twelve O'Clock High. The original, from 1949, not the remake they made right after the crisis." His gruff voice didn't make it a suggestion. Still used to ordering people around, McCree guessed.

"I will, but why would you pull me aside just to say that?" Winston sounded baffled and slightly irritated.

Morrison sighed again, a heavy put-upon sound. "This would be easier if you'd seen the damn thing. Used to have all the command track recruits watch it." The pacing sounds started up again for several moments.

"It's a movie about leadership," Morrison said finally. "And about what happens when you get too close to the people under your command. It's bad for you and it's bad for the mission, and it gets people killed. You can't be their commander and their friend at the same time."

"I fail to see how any of this is your business," Winston said, voice firm and starting to get frosty. You tell 'em, bud, McCree thought.

"I watched this organization fall once because of its commanders," Morrison said. "I can't watch you make the same mistakes. I bowed too far to the UN, but Reyes was too close to his men. Some of them came in young, but they'd done things that made sure they would never be kids again. Reyes couldn't see that. They were all loyal to him in their own way, as much as they could be, but he thought it meant he owed them some loyalty too, and he couldn't do that and send them into danger like we had back then for special ops. They got into his head, made him too much like them, and he snapped."

Winston was saying something else, and McCree forced himself to pay attention to that instead of the rush of blood in his ears, his clenched hands, his pounding heart.

"I believe that will be all, 76," Winston said. The frost in his tone had thickened up into a full ice sheet. McCree took that as his cue to slink out before the super soldier sniffed out his hiding spot - literally, maybe.

Morrison thought his loyalty put Reyes in a bad spot? It sure had - but it was his lingering loyalty to Jack Morrison that had gotten him killed, McCree was sure. Morrison really was blind if he thought Reyes had been doing anything in Zurich besides trying to pull Morrison's blond ass out of there before it blew.

what I have of chapter one

Jesse McCree had disappeared. Oh, he surfaced every now and then in some attention-grabbing way, but it wasn't healthy for a man with a bounty as high as his to go around under his own name. He'd taken a handful of false identities with him when he'd left Blackwatch, and he did enough flashy stunts with his familiar getup from the bounty posters to keep anyone from digging deeper and finding them. Most people figured he spent the rest of his time lurking around all the lonely, uncivilized places of the Southwest, like he had before he joined up - it was closer to the twenty-second century than the twenty-first, but urban sprawl hadn't conquered all the emptiness of his home state yet. So he was very surprised to receive any communication addressed to Jesse McCree at all, much less on the secure comm he carried more for sentiment than practicalities these days. And yet there was still a quiet, persistent chirp indicating a message for him.

Jesse wasn't stupid, of course. He didn't open the message that day. He'd spent too much time in a covert ops unit to trust anything that could send an active signal. He let it stay in the hard-sided guitar case that held his weapons and anything else he didn't want connected to the soft-spoken insurance adjuster who rented his Albuquerque apartment. Instead, he used his legitimate phone to reserve Chris Stevenson a campsite at a national park and rent a car for the weekend. No one had yet managed to bring enough signal towers out there that phones worked, and the campers liked it that way. Chris liked it too - it gave him a good excuse for not being available if his boss called with a last minute assignment, he told the park ranger.

Jesse, on the other hand, wasn't much for camping - he'd spent more than enough time out under the stars, first in Deadlock and then in Blackwatch, and his back wasn't as young as it used to be. But needs must - the signal could be a trap, or it could be someone from the old days needing his help. You could say a lot of bad things about Jesse McCree - most did, these days. But he knew what he owed Reyes and Blackwatch both, and he paid back his debts.

The canyon he'd chosen had several isolated hiking trails, and he set off for one just after dawn the day after he'd arrived. The other tents, few as they were, were quiet. He still waited until he'd reached the peak of his chosen trail, where he could see anyone coming, before he played the message.

Of all the faces he'd expected to project in front of him, Winston's wasn't among them. He was too recognizable, and Jesse stifled the urge to curse. The audio was routed through the wireless headset he'd brought, of course, but five years on, Winston's face still screamed Overwatch to anyone who cared to see. A talking gorilla was hard to forget. Still, Jesse let the message finish - it was very early - and dropped the comm into a pocket of the backpack he'd brought with him. Then he sat down right where he was.

Anyone passing by might have thought he'd be watching the sunrise, but he'd seen too many from the wrong end when he was with Deadlock to be stunned by nature's beauty any more. Chris was watching the sunrise, of course - a natural early riser, he saw sunrises from as many places as he could get away with. But Jesse McCree just happened to be staring at the horizon while he contemplated his options.

He didn't doubt the comm had sent some sort of locational ping out, so he'd need to burn Chris no matter what he decided. A pity - he'd liked being somewhere familiar, a place where he knew the lay of the land, how to find the best restaurant in a little highway town, which outcroppings kept you out of view of the satellites passing by, which streets nice people avoided at night. Couldn't be helped, though. Most of the Southwest was dangerous for him now. He couldn’t be sure someone hadn’t piggybacked whatever ping Winston’s call had sent out. He was inclined to curse his luck, hop a train, and move out - somewhere east, maybe - except. There was something he owed, and a debt to a ghost didn't make it any less real. He didn't have anything in common with the old Overwatch staff he guessed that idealistic message had been aimed at, but they had resources and records. Maybe he could use them to track down what really happened to Reyes.

Jesse’d been halfway to disappearing on a deep-cover mission - all they did in Blackwatch those days - when the news about Zurich broke. He could smell bullshit on a cover story from a mile away, and this one reeked. Reyes wasn’t jealous of Morrison - that asshole had to deal with the paperwork and politics while Reyes got to intervene in the real hot spots. If he’d been in Zurich, it was out of a sense of loyalty to his old army buddy. That loyalty had gotten him killed, and no one in Overwatch seemed interested in doing anything but slandering him after the fact.

Just because they didn't do much of an investigation didn't mean that they didn't still have records up in Gibraltar, though. The Watchpoints had all been networked at one point. Athena had had limits put on her when the Petras Act passed, but Winston had made her devious, under all the fussing. She had to be if she was going to fight Overwatch’s enemies. McCree's access had been stripped when the UN had recalled Blackwatch’s authorization, but that meant jack shit if Athena decided he needed to know something. And he knew how to ingratiate himself with her.

It’d mean the end of his relatively peaceful existence, but hell, he'd already known he'd have to get rid of Chris and go on the run. Might as well run a little farther than usual. He could check out the lay of the land, see who all was there and what they were up to. It wouldn't be fun - he was Reyes’ man to the bone, still, and none of the proper Overwatch agents would understand that - but this was the closest he'd come to being able to pay back the man who'd changed his life in years. He couldn't let it slip through his fingertips.

International travel was, according to those who could remember, a bit more difficult to manage now than it was before the Crisis. The United States especially had buckled down on the jingoism, blaming most of Europe for letting the Omnica Corporation run wild. It wasn't as bad as it has been in the 20s, of course, but if Overwatch hadn't provided the encryption on his passport themselves, McCree would have found himself paying a pretty penny for a good fake. As it was, he wasn't exactly flush with cash right now, so he was glad Chris’s papers were still good.

Chris Stevenson, despite his whitebread name, had family in Spain: a sister who'd recently taken ill. So he - and Jesse McCree, under his skin - was flying to Madrid. Teleporters were still new and expensive, and Chris couldn't afford one. The days of the ancient, cramped airliners were long over, though. Chris had a ticket on an overnight flight, with his own little cot and plastic privacy wall and two credits to use in the onboard cafeteria.

The flight attendant directed them all through the ship’s amenities, pointing out the cafeteria and the bathrooms as well as the small rec area, on the way to direct them all to their berths. They had to go through the first class lounge first thing, of course - probably to make them all regret they hadn’t coughed up enough to spend half the trip on leather furniture drinking premium cocktails. Jesse couldn’t care less about it. He planned to eat, sleep, and then eat on this trip; airline food wasn’t that great, but he’d eaten plenty of bad shit in his life, and he’d need the rest and the calories to find the best ways to ditch Chris’s identity and make his way across the border into Gibraltar.

The berths were more private than the ones on most of the Overwatch transports he’d been on in his time, but that wasn’t saying much; military didn’t think anything of communal bunkrooms for everyone but officers, and Overwatch had always been true to its military roots. The ship wasn’t ritzy enough to have sound cancelling tech in any cabin but first class, so he could hear the contained but emphatic ruckus happening two berths over. Politeness would have dictated Chris did his best to ignore it, but Jesse had always been an incurable snoop, and years of covert ops hadn’t exactly curbed that. He tucked his bags under the plastic frame of his ship’s cot and leaned against the thin barrier under the guise of working his boots off.

“I don’t see why we’re kept out of the lounge,” a voice Jesse pegged as belonging to someone around Reinhardt’s age said crossly. “We paid our fare just like everyone else!”

“I’m afraid the lounge is for first class passengers only,” said their flight attendant, in the calming tones universal to customer service employees who weren’t allowed to tell customers to fuck off but who really wished they could. “However, if you would like to upgrade -”

“Don’t you upgrade me!” the older voice said again. “I went on these transports when they were first made, twenty years ago, and they didn’t have any sort of restrictions! This is just - it’s a cash grab, is what it is, by unscrupulous -”

“Pop! He can’t do anything about that. I’m sure it’s corporate policy,” interrupted a younger voice, audibly embarrassed. “I’m so sorry about this.”

“It’s quite all right - I understand change is difficult. Can I offer you -”

“We’re not interested in little placating gifts, like drink tickets, you corporate shill!” the older voice yelled again.

Jesse felt a twinge of sympathy for the flight attendant having to deal with all that, but he felt it was safe to tune out at that point. His boots - sturdy hiking boots, not the attention-getting cowboy boots of his wanted poster getup, good for grip on all sorts of surfaces - were unlaced and under the bunk and they weren’t quite underway, so he decided he’d be hitting the cafeteria early. And maybe he’d shell out for a drink for the old man’s traveling companion, he thought, shuffling quietly past the squabble. He was sure the flight attendant couldn’t drink on duty, or else he’d send him one first.

It was a ten-hour flight, and mission discipline should have sent him right to sleep for seven of them after his mediocre cafeteria meal. But he hadn’t had anyone hanging over his shoulder to enforce that discipline in five years, and sleep didn’t come easy. After an hour of trying to force himself into something deeper than a doze, he gave up and summoned the flight attendant for a drink. Jesse would have preferred to work out his troubles in a gym or at the range, but the transport had neither, and this was a good enough substitute to quiet the buzzing of his brain enough for a few hours’ rest.

He just couldn’t work it out, was the thing. Why had Winston called him, of all people, back? It didn’t fit with the do-gooder message he’d sent out. Jesse didn’t recall running with him much on the very few occasions he’d been sent to liaise with the main Overwatch forces, so it wasn’t out of some misplaced nostalgia. Winston’d been close with Tracer, though, and she’d seen him in action enough to know that he didn’t hold with tugging on heartstrings as a way to run things. None of Blackwatch had. Why did Winston bother sending the message out to them at all?

Jesse doubted many of the Blackwatch members - those still out of jail after the Petras Act stripped them of their pardons, anyway - would be at Gibraltar when he showed, with a message like that. Maybe Genji would. He’d been pretty tight with Reyes. Not as tight as Jesse, but the man needed some guidance on letting anger fuel you instead of rule you when he first joined up, and Reyes had that in spades. Jesse hoped he’d be there, or else he’d be running a covert mission in enemy territory solo, with no extraction plan and no end point. He could do it, but it’d be tricky. He hadn’t used anything more than basic infiltration skills in years, since his neighbors rarely required the effort. Overwatch was all trained operatives, though, and he’d be kept on his toes even with reliable backup.

Wasn’t worth borrowing trouble about, though. Jesse had more immediate concerns, like the best way to ditch Chris without raising too many suspicions, and how long he’d have to wait in Madrid before Peacekeeper made her own way across the Atlantic. And before all that, he needed to sleep. He knocked back the last swallow of his liquor and laid down, determined to get a little rest while he was secure.

It turned out that Peacekeeper wouldn’t be in Madrid after all. His smuggler contact had left him a coded message that told him to meet her for dinner in Malaga. Jesse’d had to hustle to get to the train, but he’d made it - and he was riding on the inside this time. Europe had more satellite cameras fixed on it than the deserts of the US did, and there was no reason to draw the attention of their flagging algorithms. Besides, the wireless connection inside the train was better.

One of Overwatch’s support staff had cooked up a program that disengaged an identity from public records gradually, in case anyone needed to use them again or the activity was being monitored. Jesse wasn’t supposed to have it still, but it’d been useful enough he transferred it from phone to phone. Over the next couple of weeks, Chris’s landlord and acquaintances would receive messages that his sister was sicker than he thought and he’d need to stay in Spain to manage her affairs. His bank account would make purchases to back that up. And with no close friends in the area, he’d quietly disappear unless Jesse needed him again. The program needed a stable connection to work, though, so it could learn from the communications he’d sent as Chris. The connection on the train was nicely anonymous, so it couldn’t be traced back to him.

Twenty minutes out from Malaga, Jesse took his bag into the bathroom. Instead of Chris’s baggy sweatshirt and wind pants, he put on tight jeans and a flannel button-up and pulled out a pair of wire-rimmed glasses. When he came out, he begged a hair tie off of a woman on the train, waggling his prosthetic fingers in explanation (they did get tangled in his hair if he wasn’t careful). When he was done, he looked like a tourist of a different type - a hipster American with a backpack and a guitar. The two days of stubble on his face made most natives peg him for an aging graduate student and give him a wide berth.

Carla, his contact, had left him a note at the Malaga information desk, and he followed her instructions to a worn-down bar that had probably been popular before the Crisis. It was looking a little worse for wear, though, and even before sundown had plenty of quiet, dark corners. Jesse spotted her iron-gray braid at a corner table and sat down, though not before getting a glass of wine at the bar.

“Auntie,” he said in Spanish as he settled in. He was sure Carla had heard his boots and spotted him well before he’d reached her table, but no use not being polite to someone who had your prize possession. “I hope you’ve been taking good care of my girl.”

Carla looked up at him and rolled her eyes. “Don’t I always?” she said in her crisp Iberian accent.

“You do, but the way you left Madrid, I’d almost think you wanted to keep her,” Jesse said, smiling in a way that didn’t hide the watchful glint in his eye.

Carla shook her head, but Jesse noticed she didn’t outright deny it. “Madrid gets so crowded this time of year,” she said. “It’s a little quieter here.”

“La Linea is even more peaceful, I hear,” Jesse said, leaning back as he sipped his wine. “That’s where I want to take her next.”

“Ah, going to take her to see the Rock?” Carla asked. “It’s quite the sight.”

“I am,” Jesse told her. “In fact, you could call it the reason we even came to Spain. There’s a little problem, though.”

“Oh?” Carla asked. “Nothing to spoil your holiday, I hope.”

Jesse put the fingers of his flesh hand to his mouth and then put it back on the table, like a man fighting the urge to bite his nails. “I hope not either. See, I want to cross the border, but I don’t have all her papers - her mother, you know how she is. But I really want her to be able to see the sights. Are the guards there understanding?” Meaning, of course, could they be bribed.

Carla shifted in her chair and leaned in on one elbow. “Most of them are family men and women, not career military the way it was a few years ago,” she said, meaning mob. “They should be able to work something out with you - they understand how it is for men in your position. After all, it’s not like there’s anything really dangerous she could get into these days.”

“That’s true,” Jesse agreed. “And I’ll keep a close eye on her, of course.” Meaning that he’d make sure Peacekeeper didn’t cause any trouble that brought too much attention to their operations.

Carla nodded. “I might just know a young man down there who could help you,” she said. “I’ll send him a message once I see you both get on the bus, and he’ll look out for you both.”

“I appreciate it,” Jesse told her, with an expression of relief. Carla’s reputation would make it a lot easier to get past the border guards while he was carrying. “How much did she cost you? I know how my girl can eat.”

“No, no,” Carla said, waving her hands in a way that was all show. “She was a pleasure. It wasn’t any trouble.”

“I insist,” Jesse said firmly. “Let me pay for the train tickets, at least. You couldn’t have been expecting Madrid to be so busy.”

“Well, that’s true,” Carla said. “But I’d watch your girl for you any time, you know that.”

“I do,” Jesse agreed. “Now, c’mon, tell me how much the tickets were, and I’ll pay you back.”

Carla named a sum with a show of reluctance, and Jesse added it to the already agreed-upon price before transferring it to her account. If she’d had to leave Madrid in such a hurry, it was probably because the law was getting too close for comfort, and Jesse was sure she’d had to bribe her way out. It was just good business to pay her back for that, and he’d been trusting Carla with Peacekeeper for a long time. His burner phone beeped, and after a moment, so did hers. She nodded, satisfied, and pushed away from the table.

“Come, let’s go get your girl,” she said. “I’m sure you missed her. She’s waiting at the bus station.”

Carla had been as good as her word. Even with Peacekeeper sewn into the lining of a laptop bag, Jesse hadn’t had any trouble getting past the border into Gibraltar, and even if she wasn’t at his hip, he felt better holding her steadying weight. He’d transferred all his belongings into a hiking backpack when he’d gotten there, and only as he started up the Rock did he send the signal from the communicator that would tell Athena and Winston he was on his way - and exactly how close he was. There were plenty of hidden protections that he was sure were still active on the base, and he’d need the signal to get in.

It only took a few moments to connect, and Winston’s voice was cautious as he answered. “McCree?”

“In the flesh,” Jesse answered. “Know I didn’t call ahead, but I was hopin’ my invitation still stood.”

[thoseindarkness]

DtD News Nov 2020

Thank you to anyone who came back for this nonsense. For brevity I have an announcement that I want to make up front. I didn't have room for it last month so I pushed it back, but I can't anymore. I had to make one major revision to the published story. I want people to know about it.

This is the TLDR version. I tell a more in-depth story at the end.

ANNOUNCEMENT

The summary: I had a bad outline walking into writing Mistrust Goes Both Ways. I ran into a problem mid-story. Instead of stopping and taking the time I needed, I challenged myself to creatively solve my way out of my problems. I re-started with about half of what I'd written, published Mistrust Goes Both Ways, and restarting my outline with high hopes.  I was proud of myself for rising to the challenge.

Despite my best efforts, it didn't work out. In the end, I had to scrap my outline. I was able to structure the end I was going for and spent the end of 2019 trying to link the first two stories to the ending I wanted. It wasn't working. Then TRoS. Then COVID. Here we are. In June, I started experimenting with scrapping Mistrust and restarting from Read Between.

Mistrust Goes Both Ways will not be part of the finished story when I'm done. I know some of you love it. I love it. I have no intention of taking it down. I might, for a short time, when I'm posting the final story. I'll let you know if that happens and it will go back up afterward. I don't have specifics as there's no point planning for it now.

For right now, nothing is changing on my AO3 account. Feel free to read and comment to your hearts content. I promise it will stay up forever to remind me that some mistakes are worth sharing with others. I learned good lessons from this mistake. It stays.

That being said I think I owe you an actual update on the progress of this story.

WHAT THE HELL I DID THIS MONTH

After my first update I needed to re-integrate with Reylo friends. Funnily enough, that pulled me into another fic. I've been working on that between following this election. Now that it's called I can get back to writing. I tried a couple of times since I voted on Oct 30th, but I knew it wasn't what I wanted to be thinking about.

Thankfully, I've also begun doing more social/political essays lately. I'm not sure what overall form or shape those may take and I haven't published any. Still, I was creative and I did plenty of writing. Interestingly, all this political focus is good for Deceive the Deceiver. Spinning and listening to conspiracy theories is a big part of weaving a world like this one. A great deal comes from my thoughts and perceptions of the real world.

WHERE DTD IS

As of right now I am in the process of first drafting the entire story with Read Between as the starting point. That is, every one of the short stories in the series. What I'm doing is somewhere between a history, an outline and random scene writing. All of these elements are currently strung together in one long, continuous, chronological, first draft. It's everything from the history before Read Between (which starts in the 1930's), all the way to the final scene of DtD.

I'm taking all the good ideas I've created in the last couple of years and re-organizing them into a first pass. It's the skeleton and some of the meat now. I'm slowly building out now that I have a blank-er slate. It's about choosing what works and what doesn't.

I call it accordion writing. It just gets bigger and bigger. This outline will later level up into the first full story drafts for each part. I've got so much history when I finish this I might… I'm getting ahead of myself. Don't want to give too many clues away.

Another interesting thing that's happened recently is I've started pulling bits of other fic ideas that I’m just not gonna finish. A big chuck of the history I stole from a modern/academia AU where Ben and Rey are history students specializing in the ancient Jedi religion. Another was a complication between characters came from a canon story where I wanted to paint the relationship with a new layer. We'll see if I can pull that off.

I spent a lot of time prior to this year focusing on the heroes but my villains hadn't gotten much love. Filling in the history has given me a chance to flesh out the villains. All their moves and countermoves, woven through the bits I already have, are spinning a pretty tapestry. Oh, the villains are so much fun to write!

This other fic came together in the same sort of accordion fashion and it's been fun working through the kinks in the process now that I've seen some of the weak points on a scale like DtD. I think I've mentioned, but this is a writing experiment for me and I'm most invested now in improving my process and clue-threading with DtD. This other fic is helping me test it on a smaller scale.

Not that this needs to get any longer, I'm just going to throw pretense out the window and go with complete vanity. If you don't give a wet shit about my life (and I don't blame you) you have reached the end of your journey. I hope to see you next month. If not, then I leave you with this parting:

May we meet again in our next fandom, through mutes and not as rival shippers.

The following is the ridiculous story of my ups and downs with Deceive the Deceiver. I figure if I explain to you how much I'm invested in this story some of you will stop worrying that I'm going to abandon it. Trust me. I'm not.

This tale stretches from NANOWRIMO 2018 and the prompt that started it, through the ups and downs of 2019 and 2020, to the writing of last month's letter. Buckle up. I love bumpy rides.

DtD: from NANO '17 to COVID-19

This story truly starts in December 2017 when I drenched the seat beneath me during Last Jedi. I'm a TLJ shipper. I got caught on the thirst train. It hit a time when writing was becoming a really big part of my life. I've been writing since I was a kid. I stopped for a while and came back to it. It's a long story. Ultimately, I'd started writing a lot a few years earlier. A mix of fic and originals but I was running into problems so I start reading a bunch of books to get better. TLJ lit the fires. NO joke TLJ came out on the 15th. I have pages of writing from the 20th.

2018 was Reylo year! I was already on Tumblr for my previous fandom (Batman comics). I found Reylo AU week which is in August. I submitted a story for that. It was the first fic I published for Reylo. Fast-forward August to November. I'm in the Writing Den on Discord and someone throws out this spy prompt. People start running with. Throwing ideas around. One of those was the snuggie in Mistrust! I have that conversation saved and story spots for each crazy thing they threw out. Finally, I said I'd do it!

Mind you, this is November 2nd. Nano has just started and the event is about "turning off your internal editor." This prompt consumed me. I was trying to keep up with SpaceWaffleHouseTM that first year. I did, btw. We both crested 100,000. It was my first Nano. Word count is not my problem. Organizing my crazy ambitious ideas is my problem. Some of that 100k was other stories, like Custard which I wrote half of in November and the other half Jan/Feb 2019. Most of it… probably 80k of it… was DtD.

Read Between the Lies is currently 33,710. I wrote at least 20k of that during that first Nano, as well as outlines and scenes for what I thought would be the starting point. I remember wanting to write Read Between to "get into their headspace" by writing their first meeting. I didn't think it would become a whole story. I was just going with it then. Any idea that came to mind.

I took December 2019 off for a few reasons. Some personal. Some burnout. I'm one of those people that can use writing to relieve stress, but I was so exhausted from that month-long writing sprint. By the last week I was dragging to get the final four or five thousand words to hit 100k.

Also, what I had by the end (no internal editor) was a bird nest of ideas that had too many beginnings, not enough middles, and endings to go around. I knew one thing right away: I knew I had more than one story. There were so many fun ideas. I figured, what the hell. I knew another thing right away: the prompt was at the end of the story. Like, the very end. Like, the last short story. Or the second to last short story, at the earliest. That hasn't changed. Ever. That's just where it ended up.

Between January and April of 2019 I touched DtD a few times. I kept coming back to it, reading through it, trying to untangle it. I made new notes on the stories. Expanded ideas. Tried to structure it. I figured out a bunch of good notes, but no real substance. The hardest thing was figuring out where to start! Did I:

(1) Start shortly before the prompt with Ben/Rey's relationship established and fill the story with the history?

(2) Start a lot earlier and build Ben/Rey's relationship from the beginning I'd written in Read Between?

If I'm being honest, Read Between was a lot better than I thought it would be and I didn't want to get rid of it. For a while I was thinking of publishing it last as a "prequel" if people liked the series.

Funny enough, the turning point happened May fourth weekend 2019…

In the week leading up, I was struggling through another story and decided to take a break for the weekend. I'd start writing again on Sunday when I met with my writing group. I met them through Nano. We used to meet at Panera. Now they meet on Discord. They mostly sprint though and I'm not a sprinter. I miss Panera. Anyway.

May 4th was a Sunday (look it up). I gave myself a writing break for the weekend and marathoned Star fucking Wars. It was nerd weekend. I was going to nerd out. I wore exclusively SW gear all weekend. I remember it well. It was the start of something fucking magical in my life.

Have I mentioned recently I really love this story. Trust me I will fucking finish it. Oh my god the demons won't leave until I do. Get them out of my head…

I had a pretty rockstar weekend. I believe the reason I skipped the PT that weekend was because I'd watched it the month before or so. Right after finishing the Clone Wars animated series (which is awesome and I strongly recommend both it and Rebels). I skipped them and SOLO.

Starting with R1, I went through in chronological order. I stopped at RotJ. I was with my family on Saturday and they were playing RotJ in the living room during the party. We talked about my marathon. My mom came over to my apartment after. We watched RoTJ properly. Then Force Awakens. It was too late by then to watch TLJ. I know I went straight to bed after my mom left on Saturday night.

Somewhere during or right after TFA I started thinking about Deceive the Deceiver. I don't remember what sparked it. I went to bed thinking about DtD. I know this with 100% certainty because I woke up thinking about again on Sunday and I thought it was quite odd.

I dream about this story in a way I have only dreamt about a precious few. Technicolor folks. It keeps me up at night.

I went to my writing group with (a) no plan for what to write, (b) a gordian knot that I had yet to untangle, (c) a sudden urge to re-read it. I opened my notes and read DtD through all our sprints. I read most of it during that writing session. We go about three hours.

That night I had Game of Thrones at my parent's. It was the (spoiler alert) episode where Arya kills the Night King. I remember because two minutes into the episode my brother's car broken down a few blocks from our apartment and we had to go help him. Derailed the whole night (this is foreshadowing).

Side note: I live with my younger brother and he's the best roommate I've ever had in my 35 years of life. Love you, Mo!

The episode was recording so we ran out. Had to leave the car in a parking lot. Someone had already helped him push it out of a puddle but my brother was soaked to mid-calf and the engine was shot. We dropped him off at home and I rode back to my Momma's crib to watch GoT. It was only the beginning of a wild night.

I went to bed late. I had to get up a few hours early to deal with the car before work started for either of us. I guess we were both hoping to avoid taking the day off. That wasn't going to happen. I drove home but I couldn't sleep. That crazy episode and the fact that my brain was already on fire with DtD.

I spent the wee hours finishing my re-read through the rough draft of Read Between the Lies. It saw my starting place. I started writing. I wrote through waiting in a parking lot, for the tow truck, in my car, at 6 am, with no sleep. I did a voice recording as I drove from the parking lot to the mechanic where the driver was taking my brother's car. I thought about it the whole way back. I sat on the sofa a wrote some more when we got home. I went to bed at 11 am and I'd written 10k more words for Read Between the Lies.

Somewhere between the chaos of May 5th and the official publish date on June 5th, Read Between got written. I know it didn't take too long. I remember sending it off to beta (by my amazing beta team on 1 & 2: Em, Jen, and Sai) and immediately pivoting to my outline. I slapped that together far too hastily and kept moving. I was going on holiday in the UK (I'm American and I'm ashamed) in early August so I planned on trying to publish Part 2 when I got back. At the very least I wanted it ready for beta.

Also some to admit, around the middle of 2019 I was fatigued with the fandom. We were hitting a lull. I was psyching myself up for the end and the exit. I was trying to clean house. I wanted to push out unfinished fics. To make them work. There was a lot of that mood from me in 2019. I was trying to make everything work. It's why Read Between came out, and that was a good thing. It's also why Mistrust came out, and that was a bad thing.

With that mentality looming, tough outline in hand, I started writing Mistrust before the end of May. I hit my snag sometime during the period I was publishing Read Between because by the time it was all done I knew I wasn't going to have a finished story by the time I left for London. I would figure it out when I got back. I picked up another project to distracted me from my problems for a little while. That is going to be an original if it's anything. One day…

At some point after I got back I started focusing heavily on problem solving. I had two stories already and a number of plot threads I had to resolve. I have heavy, heavy, heavy notes from September to December of 2019. Lots of possible ways to run this story. It sucks that a lot of that stuff isn't going to make it, but I'm recycling shit every day and I learned so much about the characters/story in that four month period. It really shaped the finished product in an important way.

This period is where I started to look at the bigger structure and how I was going to solve specific plot problems in each short story to bring the whole together. That focus on the different parts is important because it was the last thing on my mind when TRoS happened.

December 20th (the release date) is my birthday. My ass drove up to one of those Reylo-only screenings and I was surrounded by amazing people as I watched a movie that ruined my 35th birthday. Thankfully, I spent it in incomparable company. Thank you to all the hosts and super special thanks to Jen. Not only was she a DtD beta on both, she invited me. Thank you love! You are the reason I still remember that trip with joy.

Side note: I no longer hate TRoS. I've made my peace with it. I'm a far happier person now.

Needless to say, the only Reyloing I did in January of this year was venting frustration. Then I took a few weeks away from the fandom. I'd done my purging into the void. I knew other people still needed the space to vent but I had to get away. Once the toxin is out I couldn't let it back in.

What occurred starting in February of 2020 was a series of situations in which, every time I logged into Twitter I was faced with the kind of vitriol in the fandom that I don't need in my life. Some of it was still TRoS stuff, even as late as May. I'm not judging, I'm just saying, with the world on fire (literally), I didn't need it.

I don't think I have to explain why I've avoided social media like the plague since early this year. I live in America. If you heard anything about our recent President I don't have to explain any further what this year has been like. That has been par for course all over the world.

So here's my secret to happiness. I don't fux with the trolls. Do not engage. Sometimes that means radio silence. I'm breaking that silence because I want you to know 2020 has not destroyed DtD. It's only leveled shit up.

I have pretty much been working on this story consistently since March of this year. I go back and forth with reading, history, documentaries. I'm learning to wield many new weapons. They take time to settle in. DtD is the de-stressor I go to in between the real shit.

Sometime in June I was screwing around with the order of the parts. I had worked out the end but I was trying to bridge the gap between the ending I was certain I needed to get to and the two beginning stories I'd already published. I couldn't bridge the gap. It had been a year since I published Read Between and it wasn't working. Then I had an epiphany.

What if I got rid of Mistrust? Read Between is a pretty blank slate. I didn't want to re-write it and I still don't. I have no intention of getting rid of Part 1. I may clean it up and add some stuff at the very last minute, but it will be right before the new stuff drops as a pre-cursor to the flood of subsequent stories. I may add a few new clues or alter a scene or two, but I have plenty of room to move with it exactly the way it is.

What does that mean for Mistrust Goes Both Ways? To make a long story short, there was no good way for me to continue with what I'd published and still write the story in my head. I'm sure there are cool places to take the existing story, but that's not what I'm trying to do. In truth, I should have left 1 and not published 2 when I hit a snag. Lesson learned.

In June I basically threw Mistrust out and asked myself, "Now what?" I have months of great ideas rife for reshuffling and no restrictions on how to bridge the gap from 1 to the ending I wanted. But the end had shifted.

That brings us up to speed. The last thing I did before taking a much needed break was get through 90% of the history in my accordion outline/draft. I poured the foundation that was missing. I walked away in early October and let it set. I'm going to button up this other fic I'm working on and then go back to DtD and check the foundation I laid.

I'm very confident that not only will it hold, but that with fresh eyes and the fun side stories I've had the chance to lay to rest, I will finally be able to start building the finished products on top of it.

IN CONCLUSION

I'm still as excited as I've ever been for this story. It frustrates me all the time, but that means the medicine for my soul is working its magic. Change it painful, but pain is transformative. I've embrace changed. That ache is just a sign the muscles are getting stronger. Growing pains. As I learn to live with them in my family, my country, and my job, I find that life's lesson's often end up reflecting in every place in our life if we but open our eyes to look.

Growing pains exist in my writing process too. They are as transformative in this corner of my life as they are in every other. They have revealed as much about me as a person in my writing as they have in my politics. They have taught me how to compromise with my family as I learn to compromise with my characters. As I consider how people treat each other I am reminded that struggles in understanding our fictional counterparts may shine a light on our struggles to understand our truer selves.

Take care of yourselves. Once you've got that covered, if you can, take care of each other. Feel free to poke me and say hi. If not, until next month.

Fari.

[0lshadyl0]

Can I request a yandere Aizawa with a fem s/o whose quirk is exchanging her own life to revive someone from death? Reader have been friends with Aizawa since they were kids, they love eachother but never confessed until Aizawa died in battle. Kisses him and finally confesses then- ill let you decide what happens next 😉 I love your works btw gives out like a classy style~

of course sweety, btw I really want to know what kind of classy style I give 

No time left, Aizawa Shouta x Reader

warnings: death

word count: 1935

You knew it, that is his end, Aizawa, your childhood friend, which you knew from the moment you were aware, with whom you grew up supporting him at every moment of his life to the point where your heart only started beating for the love you had towards him but that you kept secret since it was dangerous to enter into a relationship with him ...  because it was dangerous, especially right now, for this precise reason

Shouta had been following in the footsteps of a dangerous organization that worked under government support to do the dirty work of them, creating massacres, disappearing people, among other horrible crimes that ended in the death of many, heroes, villains and civilians, all equally

Recently Eraserhead discovered that this organization called "the elite legion" had begun to arrive in Japan to commit its heinous criminal acts, he knew he should do something to prevent it

He thought to inform the authorities as to other heroes, but the government of Japan refused to help and forbid the heroes to act against this group, after all, they had special permission to act in the country, that permission it covered any kind of attacks, disasters, kidnappings, hacks, and even murders

Although the truth was that the elite legion had solved the problem of a dangerous international terrorist group acting in the country and as the government had signed agreements with them the legion could do whatever they wanted in the country, of course, in exchange they should help with all the dirty problems that the government had

And although Eraserhead didn't like at all that they could do what they wanted while they were passed by the law, he couldn't help but look away helplessly while taking refuge from his frustration in your arms, you were his only peace at that moment and  in those moments when you two were together, curled up in the armchair while he was lost in his thoughts, you had to endure to not telling him how much you love him, after all, it was not the moment, although the truth If you started thinking a little, you had never found the moment and you had the feeling that you had no time left

The murders were more constant, thousands of lives were lost with each passing week and although there was more security on the streets, of course, everyone was afraid of being the next victim of the elite legion or as civilians believed, villains, people were more cautious about following the law

But when babies, children, teenagers and people with special, powerful or unstable quirks disappeared for the elite legion to wash their brains, train them and finally add them to their ranks of mercenary murderers,  Eraserhead decided that it was enough, especially, for that the elite also decided to kidnap you, the most important woman in his life and that was something he was not going to let happen

You had a special ability that captured the interest of the elite legion after all your quirk allowed you to exchange your health for someone else's, scratches, cuts, bruises, serious injuries and ultimately, your own life for another

For that reason, they tried to take you and Eraserhead tried to stop him, but, amid his worry and fear of failing his goal and losing you forever he didn't think logically in that battle Nor do I take into account that all those who were in the elite legion were people with quirks prodigies, with special training and little moral enough to kill whoever hinders in their mission

For that reason it didn't take them long to neutralize Shouta, after all, they were ten of the legion fully prepared to counter the hero, as if that wasn't enough, four of them were quirkless and armed with guns in if he erased his teammates' quirks, which he did, neglecting the four without quirk who took the opportunity to shoot the hero multiple times

This is how Aizawa ended up with more than ninety shots in his body, his lifeless corpse collapsed strongly on the ground accompanied by your agonized screams for losing your beloved without confessing your feelings while the elite legion laughed out loud because the situation seemed fun to themAt that moment the leader of the group and the one that held you tightly, received a message, her smile disappeared so her face showed discomfort, she immediately released you and you quickly ran towards Aizawa's body, you knew what to do and you should do it fast before the elite legion prevented you from saving his life

One of them, the one with blue skin and three meters high, tried to prevent your task, but the leader prevented it, he saw her in the eyes looking for an answer to why she stopped him" she will use her quirk, if she dies we will have failed," said the big man

"New orders" was all the leader replied "we don't need her alive anymore" she whispered with some annoyance since the previous order specified that you were alive, well, she didn't care if you were alive or dead, she just wanted to finish her mission

"What do you mean by that?" The elite legion gathered around the leader to find out what the message was sayingIn the meantime you took advantage of the fact that they didn't pay attention to you to make the greatest sacrifice of love that someone can make for someone else, to give your life in exchange for that of your dear ShoutaYou activated your quirk and gave him a sweet kiss on the lips where you transmitted all your feelings at the same time that your life to him, little by little, the bullets left his body and his wounds healed while your own body was filled with holes and a terrible pain was beginning to consume you to the maximum point where your nervous system was already disconnected from your brain to not suffer more

Shouta slowly opened his eyes, when he could stop seeing blurry he saw your beautiful face adorned with a sweet smile from which a little blood came out, that made him aware and tried to hold him close to him, Aizawa was scared, you looked terribly slaughtered and although he didn't want to admit it, you didn't look like you were going to survive"But what happened!?, How could they do this to you ... it was not supposed ... quiet, everything will be fine, just resist a little" he was scared and for the first time in a long time his mind was blank, he had no idea what to do and time was not in his favor

"Shouta... I am very sorry not to tell you this... before" everything around you began to look black, your quirk took effect, there was no time left to live, this was your end "No, please no, give me more time, you'll be fine, I promise, just resist" he didn't want you to say goodbye, he didn't want to lose you, they had spent a lot of time together, you were too important in his life, you couldn't go, just like that, without him being able to do something to prevent your inevitable death, he understood that he was the one who was going to die but somehow it was you who had all the wounds, it was you who were dying right now 

"I love you Shouta ..." was the last thing you said before you took your last breath, but you had done happily because you knew he would continue to be alive, you had the hope that he would continue to be a great hero saving many people and with luck, he would end the elite legionHe wanted to answer that he loved you too, but it was no use telling him to an inert body, yet he cried inconsolably as he hugged you and your blood stained his clothes, he regretted not telling you before how much he loved you and the fact of that he wanted to be with you, be your hero, be your boyfriend, your husband, the father of the future children that together would never have now, and grow old with you until death separated you two, he had many plans with you and now none was going to be fulfilled

Suddenly he heard some sobs from afar and saw a member of the legion crying while he was comforted by two of his companions and their leader, at that moment he remembered that he was still in danger, but he didn't care anymore, he didn't I wanted to fight or live in that moment"I'm sorry, I got a little excited, I'm sensitive to love scenes," said the young mercenary who was not over 17 years old, short, with effeminate body to be a man, and black hair with green at the end of his hair

"It was a truly beautiful scene, the drama, the feelings and the declaration of love was moving," said the leader, a young woman with brown hair and three eyes who was wiping tears from her weeping partner "but we did not come to see dramas, we are here for the now dead body ”he smiled cynically as he gave the order to attack" she is going to be the food of one of our members "

"You will have to pass over me before putting your dirty hands on Y/n" he prepared to defend you, he did not want to live, not in a world where you were not by his side, he had already lost someone before and now he had lost you, which was even worse because you were the love of his life, but he would not let those who killed you take your body, much less to be the food of some disgusting being of the legion of the elite

"Do not worry, we will make sure that you meet your beloved very soon, after all, we have orders to disappear you for conspiring against us even though everything we do is legal," said another legion member

“What a waste" said the blue man looking at you body "she gave her life to return yours and in the end, you will die anyway, she would have lasted longer with me, although of course, with some bruises, hickeys, and wounds, Y/n is a very nice name, perfect for her, she was very beautiful, with a nice sexy body, don't you think the same Eraserhead? ”said the blue man as he ran his tongue over his lips, making Aizawa understand what the mercenary would have done to you if he had the opportunity, this angered Aizawa in such a way that I only thought is to destroy all of that group and especially the blue subject

Again they engaged in another fight, this battle lasted a little longer than the previous one and although the hero gave his best, he was again outnumbered, and they played dirty by trying to attack your body so that he couldn't take care of himself cuz he was trying to protect what was left of you

In the end, the hero Eraserhead was never seen again, nor his closest friends and the other heroes who sought him got a clue of him, after all, it is very difficult to find one of the secret bases of the legion, where his the body and that of his beloved became food for one of the most dangerous members

[flowingwithwater]

Feeling loved

Request by @steampowerednightvaler : Haii I saw requests are open (I hope they still are) and I was wondering if you could do a nat x reader x carol where the reader has wings and she got kidnapped and tortured by Hydra for it and when Nat and Carol save their gf they comfort her or smth.. if you don't do poly fics than maybe with Nat?

Pairing: Carol Danvers x Natasha Romanoff x f!reader

A/n: I’ve never written poly but decided to give it a try, I hope it’s not too bad. Btw requests are still open. Enjoy! 😊

Words: 3054

Warnings: no real warnings, it’s a little angsty, a little fluffy and a little violent but not really….  just want to make sure

It was Y/n’s first solo mission. She was fairly new to the team having been discovered by S.H.I.E.L.D about three years ago. They found her when she protected a young boy from being beaten up. Of course, the action itself wasn’t the reason S.H.I.E.L.D was interested, it was the fact that y/n was special.

When she stepped up and pushed the bullies away her hands started being covered in dark mist, her eyes changed color and turned completely black. But the most surprising part was the fact that when she straightened her back out, two beautiful big black wings spread in the air. Holes were ripped in the dark shirt y/n was wearing and her stance made her look like the most powerful being. The bullies ran away scared, while the little boy looked up at y/n with wide eyes and an open mouth. Smiling, y/n leaned down and patted the boy’s head “Don’t worry, I got your back.” With a wink she turned away and while walking, retracted her wings. The only evidence that anything had happened, were two holes in the back of her shirt.

She was surprised when two days later, two beautiful women approached her at her usual spot in an alleyway and explained they worked for an organization called S.H.I.E.L.D and would like to talk to her. That’s how she met her now girlfriends Carol Danvers and Natasha Romanoff. The two had been in a relationship already but when they took over training y/n the three quickly realized they couldn’t live without any of the others and decided to give it a try. That was a little more than two years ago and over time the feelings of the three had only gotten stronger.

Natasha and Carol were both sitting on the bed in the room the three shared, watching y/n putting on her suit. Both had a frown on their face because they were worried about it being y/n’s first solo mission without anyone close by to help in case of an emergency. Yet they both didn’t say a word knowing how excited y/n was that she finally had the chance to prove herself.

After a good thirty minutes of putting on her skin tight suit, that had two shaped holes is the back for her wings, y/n finally looked up at the two women watching her. Of course, y/n knew what was going on in their heads, understanding the feeling of being worried. Trying to reassure them y/n made her way over to the two and put a hand on each face. “Don’t look so scared. It’s a simple mission and I’ll be back tomorrow.” y/n said putting a smile on her face to sound more convincing, but with no avail.

Carol was the first one to speak, being the one with no filter. She took y/n wrist in her hand and got up. “I think I should fly with you. Just to make sure that everything goes well. I won’t even step in, just, you know, in case you need me to.”  Nodding her head as if the decision was made. But y/n pulled her hand out of the Captain’s grip and took a step back putting some distance between them.

With an exasperated sigh she continued “No. Listen, I can do this, and I want to do this. It’s my mission. So, stop trying to stop me and support me instead. Isn’t that what I always do when you go flying into space?” She pointed at the blonde woman in front of her, who visibly flinched. Carol took a breath wanting to argue but the redhead’s hand on her shoulder stopped her. Natasha being the calmest of the three nodded in understanding. Quietly she took y/n’s hand and squeezed it once.

“You’re right, honey. You’re right. We’re just worried but we know that you can do it, right Carol?” With a pointed look directed towards the other woman Carol’s face softened and with confidence she said “Of course you can do it. And we’ll be right here waiting for you.” Relieved y/n let out a breath and smiled at her girlfriends. A rush of feelings overcame her, and it felt like falling in love with the two all over again. Slowly she took a step forwards and the others followed when they laid their arms around each other. Relishing in the feeling of being loved and protected y/n slowly pulled away. “So, are you going to be gentlewomen and accompany me outside?”

With a chuckle and a shared look, the two older women took their positions on either side of y/n, both holding out their arms for y/n to take. Together they walked outside. When the fresh air hit their faces Carol and Natasha started getting nervous all over again but tried to hide it to show their support. With a soft kiss to both, y/n stepped away and turned on the navigation system that was built in her suit.

When she had prepared everything she needed, y/n’s eyes turned dark and both Carol and Natasha took a step back. Within the blink of an eye y/n spread her wings, causing amazed and proud smiles to break out on the former spy and the Captain’s face. “I love you.” With that y/n started to move her wings in unison and bent her knees. One strong push and she was up in the air flying towards what they believed was a simple mission.

“It’s been 10 days, how is it possible that you still don’t know where the hell she is?” a glowing Carol growled at the team in the room. She couldn’t contain her feelings any longer. Everything came bubbling to the surface and with no one to blame she didn’t know where to put her anger, until now. The others in the room were scared, they had never seen the Captain like that, and they didn’t know how to calm her down.

Natasha would be the only one, but she stopped coming to the meetings three days ago, thinking they’re a waste of time and don’t help with finding y/n. With a hand held out to protect himself, Fury took a step towards Carol and tried to calm her down. “Danvers, listen. We are going to find her, but you need to control yourself. We may not know exactly where she is, but we have a lead.”

As soon as these words left his mouth, the glow disappeared and Carol calmed down tremendously. “And why the hell did you wait twenty minutes to tell me that!? Give me the lead, Nat and I will go check it out.” No one in the room dared to stop her and instead Fury handed over the file and watched Carol leave the room.

Natasha had been sitting in their room looking through the file that was the Intel for y/n’s mission trying to find something. Anything, really. She was desperate and scared. When y/n didn’t come back the day after she left for the mission Natasha sent Carol to the same location immediately. When she came back empty handed and a fearful expression on her face all Natasha could do was hug her and pray to the gods that y/n was fine.

When the door crashed open Natasha’s head shot up ready to yell at whoever is trying to tell her to come to this stupid meeting. When her eyes landed on the stressed looking hero she immediately got up and walked towards her girlfriend. Taking her in her arms Natasha quietly whispered against her neck. “What’s wrong? Are you ok?” gently Carol pushed the assassin away from her but only far enough to be able to look her in the eyes. “They have a lead. Apparently, some people saw how y/n was taken by people in black uniforms with a weird looking sign on their sleeves. When Hill showed them the Hydra sign they confirmed it was the one. There’s only one Hydra hideout near the sight so that’s our only shot.”

For the first time in over a week the two felt hopeful. They didn’t need to say anything else, both thinking the same thing. They had to go there and find the person that completed them. To find the person they couldn’t live without.

Without any sign of hesitation, they changed into their suits and made their way outside. When Carol pulled Natasha towards her, wanting to fly them both to the sight, the redhead stopped her. “I should take the Quinjet. Who knows if y/n can fly and you can’t take us both.” Reluctantly Carol let go of the other woman and took her face in her hands. “You’re right. We’ll find her, Nat. We have to.” With a kiss the two parted and Carol shot in the air.

Natasha ran to the jet and made her way to the Hydra base. Arriving, she could already see the glowing beam flying through the air, making it clear that a fight was happening. Natasha grabbed her weapons and ran like she’s never run before. On her way to the entrance of the small building she had already taken down over a dozen Hydra agents. But she didn’t see them, the only things she was focused on was finding y/n and making sure Carol was alright.

When the two of them met at the entrance they forcefully found their way. Big groups of agents were in their way but with one powerful blast from the Captain they were all on the ground. Making their way through the halls they held their guard up ready for anyone and anything.

After what seemed like hours Natasha turned to Carol “Are you sure she’s here?” Quietly, Carol kept moving with her hands glowing, ready to hit. “No, but she has to be. We have nothing but this lead.”  Unsure of how to continue their thoughts were interrupted by a scream that made the two Avengers freeze on the spot. “Y/n!”

Both of the women leapt into action following the scream. When they found a vacant room they were confused, until they heard the scream again. It was coming from behind the wall. As not to hurt her, Carol pushed herself in front of her partner and blasted the wall with a power like she’s never done before.

As soon as the wall had a hole in it, they made their way inside ready to kill. But when they realized what was in front of them, they couldn’t move. There she was, y/n, hanging from the ceiling with her hands connected to it with metal shackles. Her face was bruised and blood ran down her forehead from a huge gash above her eyebrow. Her suit was in shreds and she was pale and so weak she couldn’t even open her eyes or lift her head to realize she was being saved. But what hurt the most were the two beautiful wings nailed to the wall behind her. Blood seeping through the feathery skin leaving a red trail, that ended in a pool of blood on the ground.

Before either of the two saviors could even comprehend what was going on, remaining Hydra agents came from behind, trying to kill the intruders. Being shaken out of their thoughts the two made quick work of everyone. When they were sure no one had survived they immediately made their way over to the now unconscious girl on the wall.

“Y/n! Y/n! Hey wake up, love.” Carol was flying in front of y/n’s face while Natasha tried to figure out a way how to get her down. With a grunt and a quiet groan y/n lifted her head slowly and blinked her eyes open. When she saw the face of one of her girlfriends, her first instinct was to smile but that was when she felt it. The pain, that spread through her entire body, especially her wings. A loud scream escaped her mouth while tears sprung into her eyes. “Shh. We’re here y/n. We’re going to get you home you just have to stay still.”

Frantically and with tears in their eyes the blonde and the redhead searched for the safest way to get their girlfriend down without causing permanent damage. The shackles weren’t a problem but the nails that fixated the wings were plunged deep into the wall and moving them seemed unbearable to y/n. Not seeing another way out of there, they had to take out the nails one by one, then release her from the shackles and get her home.

Natasha could only watch since y/n was higher up than she could reach, therefore Carol was the one who had to free the girl from the wall. When Carol started pulling out the first nail, the scream that ripped through the air was unlike anything Natasha had ever heard. Tears rolled down all of their faces. “Please don’t. S-s-stop please. I…I c-can’t” Y/n’s voice got weaker and weaker until she passed out from the pain.

Almost relieved Carol made quick work of the nails freeing y/n’s wings and when Natasha opened the electric shackles, the glowing woman caught y/n easily and carried her around her own waist holding her legs. Y/n couldn’t retract her wings, so Carol had to be extra careful. With Natasha leading the way, the trio made their way back to the Quinjet. As soon as they were inside Carol laid y/n on her stomach and made her way to the pilot seat getting the jet up in the air and back to the compound.

During the flight home, Natasha sat down next to y/n and softly moved her hands through her hair. While tears hit the floor, Carol looked back and smiled at the sight. “She’s safe now. We got her back.” She didn’t just say it to the redhead but also to herself.

When they arrived at the compound the doctors were already waiting with a stretcher and a team at hand. Pushing the other two women out of the way, they took the still unconscious woman to the medical room. There not being anything they could do, the two remaining women held each other and softly cried. Being relieved to have found their missing part but also being concerned if y/n was going to be ok.

It had been two weeks since the rescue mission. Y/n was in recovery and had been released into the care of her girlfriends after a few days. The two not leaving her side. One was always in the same room as y/n, much to y/n’s relieve. Normally she was annoyed by their overcaring but in this case it made her feel safe. Protected. She couldn’t use her wings just yet. They were still sore and had to heal but at least y/n was able to retract them so she could move around more easily.

“Alright loves, dinner’s ready.” Natasha walked in with a tray full of bowls of soup. Smiling at the sight in front of her. Carol was leaning against the headboard sitting up, while y/n was leaning into her side with her head on Carol’s shoulder. The space woman had an arm around y/n’s small frame and moved her hand in lazy circles. Both of them looking up when the Russian spy walked in. “Did you cook? Because if so, I’m not really hungry.” With a mischievous smile on her face Carol raised her eyebrow at the woman standing in front of the bed. “God no, we’ve been through enough. Tony cooked it actually.” With a small chuckle Natasha made her way over to the bed passing one bowl to Carol and the other to y/n. But y/n just shook her head. “I’m not hungry.”

Exchanging concerned looks Carol sighed and moved, so y/n had to sit up. Carefully she put the bowl of soup on the nightstand and turned to face y/n. But y/n wouldn’t meet her eyes, she just played with the blanket around her. While Natasha sat down on the bed with one leg touching Carols, said woman moved y/n’s face so she could look at her. “Y/n. What’s going on? You’re not eating properly and you won’t talk to either of us.” Carol moved her thumb up and down the side of y/n’s face, but she just moved away and distanced herself from both women.

Not really sure how to behave in that moment silence settled over the three women. Until the sound of a chocked sob echoed through the room. When Carol and Natasha realized it was y/n they immediately moved to put their arms around her trying to comfort her. “Shhh, it’s alright.” Nat cooed while Carol rubbed y/n’s back.

“I’m s-sorry. I don’t know what’s wrong. I just feel like such a failure and I shouldn’t have gone on this mission alone. You were both right and now I can’t even do what I’m supposed to because my wings are useless just like me.” Another sob ripped through her throat while she buried her head in Natasha’s neck. “Listen very closely now,” Carol started when she was sure y/n had calmed down a bit. “Number one you are not a failure. Number two we love you, both of us” Carol took Nat’s hand and made sure y/n could see. “Number three your wings are alright you just need time to heal. And even if they weren’t you are more than your abilities. We love you, whether you like it or not, you are stuck with the both of us.”

Nodding her head Natasha agreed with her girlfriend. Waiting for an answer of the broken woman the other two kept their eyes on her. With a deep breath, y/n didn’t agree but said the only thing that mattered in that moment. “I love you, too.”

For the moment that was enough. They had some work to do but they were three of the strongest and most powerful women on the planet and there was nothing that could stop them. Satisfied with that answer the three moved around until they were laying all cuddled up on the bed. Each touching the other two women assuring each other that they were there for them. And that’s how they fell asleep. Feeling safe, protected but most importantly, feeling loved.

[nadziejastar]

As someone who also feels like KH3 handled Isa all wrong--and, admittedly, a shameless LeaIsa shipper--I also feel like they handled Lea all wrong, too. He seeme... far too blase about losing a childhood friend. He knows Roxas and Xion one year and it's the end of the world when they're gone, but when it's Isa, it's like all his opinions and thoughts on the matter are an afterthought.I guess what I'm trying to ask is: What do you think of Lea's character in regards to Isa? (I LOVE YOUR BLOG BTW)

KH3 Destroyed Lea’s Character

Thank you so much! Oh, boy. I have a LOT to say about this. I was appalled by how Lea was handled in KH3. He was so blasé about even about his own backstory. He acted like being forced to follow Xemnas for a decade barely affected him. The only thing that mattered about his past was the mystery phantom girl. Isa was a total afterthought. They took away everything I liked about Lea’s character.

I found it so cringeworthy when Lea said he’ll bring everyone back, but “especially Roxas”. It didn’t even feel like Lea talking. Everything about KH3 felt like a bad fanfic written by a focus group trying to put in what they thought would have the most “popular” appeal.

No shame in being a LeaIsa shipper. I am, too. But I find that it goes even beyond just shipping with me. The handling of Lea’s relationship with Isa ruined his entire story and character arc. It spit on all of the core values of the series. These themes are all associated with the “Key to Return Hearts.” Ansem’s research data. The power of waking. Everything about Lea’s arc was about preparing him to learn it:

“What is it you are so afraid of?”

“Getting trapped in the darkness”

Mickey: You want him to dive back into Sora’s sleep? But Master, Sora’s heart is down in the darkest abyss. If Riku’s not careful, he might just get trapped down there with him.

If you are to use the power of waking, you can’t be afraid of the darkness. To wake the person, you risk getting lost in their abyss.

Mickey: You used the darkness to get here? That was reckless. But gosh, I didn’t expect you to save us…Axel.

Lea: Axel didn’t. My name is Lea. Got it memorized?

Well, the series went out of its way to show that Lea wasn’t afraid of that. He went looking for Isa as soon as he woke up. This was his childhood friend. They both experienced severe trauma together. They were both prisoners of Organization XIII for ten years. Isa’s personality totally changed after being in the Organization. Lea wanted to help him. He used the Corridors of Darkness and risked getting corrupted just to find him. But he was always smiling. He was happy to do it.

Why did Lea visit Disney Castle when he should have been looking for his friend?

To search for his friend he needed the power to move between worlds, and there is no way to do that other than become a Keyblade Wielder. At the time, wanting to be made a Keyblade Wielder, Lea saw a message recorded by Ansem the Wise in the past and, knowing it was dangerous, used the Corridors of Darkness once more to go talk with King Mickey and the others. That’s why after Maleficent left he was asking at the Mysterious Tower.

I spoke to one person who got the impression that in KH3D, Lea was barely concerned about Isa, and went looking for Roxas. No. He wasn’t looking for Roxas. Why would he be looking for Roxas? He knew exactly where he was. He went back inside Sora. That’s what Axel’s arc in KH2 was all about.

Isa was the one who was mysteriously missing. And while looking at the D.T.D, Lea said he was going to bring Braig and Isa back. I’m sure Lea had different plans for Braig when he brought him back than he did with Isa, lol. But he wanted to bring Isa back for the same reason he wanted to bring Roxas and Xion back. Because that’s his friend. I’m sure Lea would have asked Sora about Ventus, but he certainly wasn’t looking for Roxas. No, he was clearly looking for Isa.

“Causing someone to be hurt”

Naminé: At times, the pain can be wiped away. But there’s also a pain that always stays with you. There’s only one way to deal with that; you face it head-on and then you accept it. And if it happens that the hurt is too great for you to bear it alone, well, then you turn to a friend close to your heart.

Sora: It’ll bring us closer together; the hurt will only make us stronger. I’m willing to try! I’m ready to face all those memories that you found. It might have to be painful, but I can take it.

To use the power of waking, you have to be willing to deal with the consequences. The person went to sleep because they were experiencing too much pain. Being conscious means they’ll have to deal with that pain head-on. They’ll need someone to rely on during that time if they are to deal with it.

Axel: You can’t turn on the Organization! You get on their bad side, and they’ll destroy you!

Roxas: No one would miss me.

Axel: That’s not true… I would.

Axel wasn’t afraid of causing someone to be hurt if he thought it was for their own good. He wanted to prevent Roxas from being destroyed. He fought him to bring him back.

Xion: It’s for the good of everyone.

Axel: But how do you know that? Everybody thinks they’re right…

Xion: This is right.

Axel: They’re gonna destroy you!

And he did the same with Xion. He’d rather cause them temporary hurt than see them get destroyed. It was a fundamental aspect of his character. He’d always bring his friends back, even if he has to get his hands dirty.

“Losing something that’s important”

Axel: Huh…you’ve got a point. So, okay, say you don’t need a heart for things to be important to you… Maybe the closest thing we Nobodies have is our pasts. It’s the memories that give things value.

This is the correct answer. On Day 150, Axel said the most important thing to him was his memories of the past.

Day 150: Too Precious to Lose

Axel and I talked for a while about the things we can’t bear to lose. Axel thinks that for Nobodies, it’s our pasts, because that’s all we have to remember the pain of losing something. I don’t remember my past, but the idea of losing the present—Axel or Xion—scares me.

Because that’s all he has to remember the pain of losing something. Day 150 is called “Fear”. Axel was afraid of losing something important in the past.

Roxas: It’s scary to think I could lose you guys.

Axel: Scary? Scary’s a feeling, man.

Roxas: Yeah, I know I can’t feel, but… It’s still a scary thought.

Axel: A thought, then. But not a feeling.

Roxas: Are you sure?

Axel: Maybe you just remember what it’s like to feel scared, and think you’re feeling it now.

But now, he says that Nobodies can’t feel fear, and doubts Roxas when he says he’s afraid. This is because, unlike Roxas, he already lost what he considered most precious to him. He has nothing to fear anymore. He forgot what it felt like to be afraid of loss. He thinks it’s because he has no heart. But it’s really because he gave up on his dreams a long time ago. Roxas and Xion remind him of what it felt like to have a heart. They remind him of what it felt like to be afraid of loss. They were also supposed to remind him of something else important, but that will come up later.

“What is the one thing you care about more than anything else?“

“The hearts connected by light”

Mickey: There’s something real strong that binds us to each other. Even in the darkness, you can reach him. All you gotta do is follow that connection!

This is very important. To use the power of waking on someone, your connection has to be powerful. If you don’t have a strong connection, you can’t locate them. It’s why Riku and Mickey had trouble finding Aqua. They had only met her once.

Yen Sid: You’ll recall, in your first journey, that you brought many worlds back from the darkness–but some never returned completely. They still sleep, cut off from all outside channels. Not even the Heartless can enter.

You have to be able to go where they are—in the deepest, darkness abyss, where light doesn’t reach. Then you can lead them back to the Realm of Light. But that’s not all.

Fairy Godmother: Cinderella’s Fairy Godmother. I appear to those who believe that dreams come true.

Aqua: Then I am honored. But why would you advise me not to fight darkness with light?

Fairy Godmother: Strong rays of sun create dark shadows. Sadly, Lady Tremaine and both her daughters are jealous of Cinderella’s charm and beauty, qualities that appear to you as “light.” Jealousy is darkness. Light and dark go hand in hand. You can’t have one without the other.

Those who have been in the darkness long enough will be filled with dark qualities. Jealousy, anger, hate, rage, and sadness.

Xehanort: Master Eraqus, you see, is so afraid of darkness, that he too, has succumbed–not to darkness, but to light. It shines so bright, he forgets that light begets darkness. And Aqua and Ventus, their lights shine too bright. It is only natural that they cast shadows on your heart. Eraqus… He is such a fool! Light and darkness, they are a balance–one that must always be maintained.

The stronger the light, the greater the shadow. Your light only makes their darkness stronger.

Aqua: A pure heart filled with light… It’s strange, The Master taught me darkness needs to be destroyed. But how, if not with light?

Fairy Godmother: Oh, my dear, you’re too young to know. Experience more things, and you’ll find the answer. Just trust in your dreams.

To use the power of waking, you can’t destroy the person’s darkness with your heart of light. The Fairy Godmother hints that love is what can really bring a person out of darkness.

Terra: No… I succumbed to it. Just like when I stole Princess Aurora’s heart of light. I can never return home now. I’m a failure.

Having a strong light is only one part of it. You have to enter and accept a person’s darkness before you can lead them back into the light. You have to be able to ease their pain. This is why Eraqus failed to reach Terra. When Maleficent put Terra in a trance, Eraqus was the literal personification of his darkness.

Eraqus: No, you were right. I failed you, Terra. Perhaps I’ve no one to blame but myself for the darkness inside you. And now I’ve done worse–raised my Keyblade against you and Ventus. My own heart is darkness!

He was so concerned with getting rid of Terra’s darkness, that he failed to make him feel unconditionally loved. Terra began to doubt his master’s love for him, which only enhanced his darkness. He felt unworthy, feared rejection, and began to isolate himself. This made him extremely vulnerable to Xehanort’s manipulation.

Eraqus: Has the darkness taken you, Terra?

When Terra became a victim of Xehanort, Eraqus failed to understand him. He just assumed he was the same as Xehanort. In his fear, he thought he needed to destroy him. He realized that Terra turned to darkness because he hadn’t confronted the darkness in himself.

Aqua: The darkness can’t have you!

But Aqua was able to reach Terra. She cared more bout saving him from his darkness than she did about extinguishing his darkness. She stayed in the abyss just so he could escape. She was always lighting his way back.

“I’m fading… Fading away…into the light…?”

If he was a creature of darkness—if he couldn’t fight the darkness with his own strength—then there was no other way but for Sora to destroy him, Riku thought hazily.

And if someone had to destroy him…he would much rather that Sora do it than anyone else.

You have to recognize the darkness in yourself before you can help someone overcome theirs. Sora had plenty light and love. But that’s not enough to wake someone who is in the Realm of Sleep. He wasn’t supposed to be done developing. Riku was able to become a Keyblade master, while Sora did not. This was because he confronted the darkness within himself and overcame it. He suffered, and it made his heart stronger. He could resist greater levels of darkness than Sora could, because of his past experiences. He gained the power of waking and could enter the darkest abyss.

Sora: Exactly, believe. I thought it was all over for me, but a friend of mine looked me in the eye and said, “You don’t believe that.”

Sora broke down during the final battle, after everyone was wiped out and it seemed like all hope was lost. It was Riku’s words that had the most impact on him. I think Riku’s sacrifice was originally supposed to be the key. It would teach Sora the lesson he needed to finally learn the power of waking and bring everyone back. Riku was stronger in the face of darkness than he was. He sacrificed himself for Sora, and believed in him. Just like Axel did before. Sora finally realized what it was that he was lacking, thanks to Riku.

“We don’t disappear… We’re only reborn,” Naminé murmured, perhaps to herself.

“I’m not like you and Roxas,” Axel said flatly. His hand holding the ice pop stick paused in midair.

“But—but you…” She looked down, clenching her fists.

“It’s because I don’t have a heart,” Axel went on. “I don’t want to disappear, but I’m not upset or sad about it.”

Lea’s character arc was ALL about this. I mean, he was sneaking into the castle when experiments on the darkness of the heart were taking place. He knows that he’s got darkness in him. Axel saw himself as a creature of the dark, just like Riku did. He sacrificed himself, even when he had no hope for a next life. But he came out on the other side stronger than ever. All of his suffering would have prepared him to gain the power of waking.

“The strength to protect others”

Eraqus: You must know, I care for you like my own son. If I could have my way, I would name you Master in a second. But, how can I, when you are so obsessed with power? Terra, you mustn’t be afraid of losing. Fear leads to obsession with power, and obsession beckons the darkness.

Axel wasn’t like Terra. He was never concerned with becoming strong. Terra’s fear of losing led to his darkness.

Terra: Is there some reason you’re interested in the outside world?

Riku: Yeah. I wanna be strong one day. Like that kid who left. He went to the outside world– I bet he’s really strong now. I know it’s out there somewhere–the strength that I need.

And he wasn’t like Riku. He wasn’t competitive. He never tried to prove himself that way.

Larxene: Haven’t decided yet… I think what intrigues me more is what you see in him.

Axel: There was a time he became a Heartless. And if one becomes a Heartless—

Larxene: They lose their minds and their feelings… They’re consumed by the darkness.

Axel: Right. But not Sora. He held on to his feelings, even as a Heartless. And there’s only one other man who’s been able to do just that.

Larxene: It’s the strength of his heart… That’s what interests you. Why the Keyblade chose Sora’s heart.

Axel: To unlock the mysteries of the heart. Isn’t that the Organization’s mission?

It was the strength of Sora’s heart that interested him. He waned to know why the Keyblade chose him. When he saw how devoted Sora was to Riku, he decided to do everything he could to save him. After that, he changed and started to feel like protecting others. Lea didn’t ask to be a wielder because he wanted to be a strong fighter. He didn’t see himself as a peacekeeper or a Guardian of Light. The only reason he wanted to wield a Keyblade was to look Look for Isa.

“My close friends”

Riku: I told you. I didn’t want to be found. Not like this…I couldn’t. I fought with Ansem. With…Xehanort’s Heartless—when it invaded my heart, and I won. But to use the power of darkness, I had to become Ansem myself.

This is the correct answer. Riku reacted to his darkness by isolating himself from his close friends.

Aqua: I’m not so sure. I’ve been to the same worlds as you and I’ve seen what you’ve done. You shouldn’t put yourself so close to the darkness.

Ven: Listen to yourself, Aqua. Terra would never–

Terra: You mean you’ve been spying on me? Is that what he said to do? The Master’s orders?

So did Terra. He was ashamed and pushed Aqua and Ven away.

Axel: Does it hurt, Naminé? Watching your two childhood friends fight all because of you? You have my sympathies. From the heart. But don’t waste your time. We Nobodies can never hope to be somebodies.

Axel’s darkness was different from Terra and Riku’s. He didn’t push his friends away because of his darkness. His darkness was caused by losing everything, and being rejected by a close friend. He cared for his friends more than anything. It was the root cause of his hatred. He was wiling to kill Naminé because she was driving close friends apart.

Axel: We’ve got something in common, Kairi. You and I both miss someone we care about. Hey, I feel like we’re friends already.

Kairi: You’re not acting very friendly!

He kidnapped Kairi all because he wanted to see his close friend again.

“What do you wish?”

“To heal the pain from the past”

Terra: Is something wrong?

Cinderella: It’s just that my friends made me the most beautiful dress–but my stepmother and stepsisters ruined it. And I was so looking forward to the ball.

Terra: Darkness always finds a way into a wounded heart. You have to be strong. Strength of heart will carry you through the hardest of trials.

Cinderella: But I…I can’t believe…not anymore…

Axel’s pain was caused by losing something important in the past. He lost Isa, his best friend from childhood. And he also lost his connection to his inner child. He lost his innocence. His faith that his dreams could come true. His ability to believe.

Cinderella: There’s nothing left to believe in…nothing.

Voice: Nothing, my dear? Oh, now, you don’t really mean that.

Cinderella: Oh…but I do. It’s just no use.

Fairy Godmother: Nonsense! If you’d lost all your faith, I couldn’t be here, and here I am. Oh, come now, dry those tears. You can’t go to the ball looking like that.

I feel like people a lot of people missed the entire point of Roxas/Axel/Xion. I know Axel/Saïx was written with a lot of subtlety, but I’m surprised so many people just didn’t pick up on what the writers were getting at.  

Terra: Her heart was full of light. Why didn’t I see it? What did you do? I can hardly tell she’s the same person.

Fairy Godmother: Terra, in your heart, do you believe that dreams can come true?

Terra: I do. But I also believe you have to make an effort to make them come true.

Roxas/Axel/Xion wasn’t created simply so they could sit around and be ice cream buddies in the epilogue. I mean, sheesh. How boring. Yes, they grew to be close friends. But there was supposed to be a lot more to it than that. There was something a lot more meaningful planned.

Fairy Godmother: Yes, of course. But sometimes just believing in dreams is easier said than done. Cinderella believes her dreams can come true. I wanted her to see that she is right.

Terra: So that’s what made her shine–faith in her heart that anything is possible. Where did she go?

Fairy Godmother: To the royal ball at the palace. Go. And when you see her dancing…you’ll know that she believes, and that will help you to believe, too.

Having strength of heart IS important. But in order to have that, first you need to believe.

Axel: I’m not feeling it, Roxas.

Roxas: C'mon, try again. Believe me on this, Axel!

Axel: Okay… I believe you…I can fly… I can fly!?

Roxas: You can fly.

Roxas and Xion reconnected Axel with his lost childhood. That’s why Axel had such an iconic moment in Neverland with Roxas.

But small fragments of light survived, in the hearts of children. With these fragments of light, children rebuilt the lost world. It’s the world we live in now.

They taught him to not give up hope. To believe. Lea knew how to believe. He said that inside people’s memories, he could live forever. Axel stopped believing this.

Day 118: You Changed, Not Me

Talking to Roxas and Xion always brings back memories of my human life, back when I was a kid. It’s a weird sensation. I ought to be able to share all this with Saïx, but I just don’t feel like it anymore.

Lea met Ven when he was a kid, on the day he ate sea-salt ice cream for the first time. On the day he said he wanted to live forever inside people’s memories. The same day Isa said he’d never forget him. When he began to spend time with Roxas and Xion, they reminded him of who he used to be, and all that he lost.

Axel: Nothing lasts forever, man. Least of all for a bunch of Nobodies. But you know, we’ll still have each other…even if things change and we can’t do this anymore.

Roxas: Yeah?

Axel: As long as we remember each other, we’ll never be apart. Got it memorized?

Axel said he didn’t have best friend, and that nothing lasts forever.

A wish that they could always be together—was longing for the impossible. But at least they could always remember one another.

He wished that that he and Isa were still inseparable, but that’s impossible. So he has to settle for just the memories.

It’s strange, but I’m content with just missing what’s gone. I’m not the one who changed. You did.

Axel never wanted to never forget his memories of Isa. As long as he had them, they’d never have to be apart. He began to believe in Isa, even though he didn’t realize it.

So, listen, child. Even in the deepest darkness, there will always be a light to guide you. Believe in the light, and the darkness will never defeat you. Your heart will shine with its power and push the darkness away.

I totally agree with you. He knew Roxas and Xion for one year. He cares about them. They mean a lot to him. But he’s not gonna forget his childhood friend and fellow prisoner of Organization XIII, just by becoming friends with them. That wasn’t what Roxas and Xion were meant to do. They weren’t there to replace Lea’s relationship with Isa. Just like Lea wasn’t there to replace Terra when he picked up Ven’s wooden Keyblade. Roxas and Xion were supposed to help Lea get Isa back.

Terra: There’s this girl here–her name is Cinderella. She made me realize how powerful it is just to believe. No matter how impossible things seem…a powerful enough dream will always be enough to light the darkness.

They were there to be Axel’s Cinderella. It wasn’t by accident that they chose two characters that had pure hearts of light. They were supposed to teach him to believe in his dreams. To fave faith that he can restore what he lost. To not give up on his friend. The same way Riku’s light inspired Terra to make amends with his friends.

“To protect my friends”

Terra: Funny… This whole time I’ve been telling myself I want to be stronger, more independent… But the second I let my heart do the talking… I find out how little I really know myself. And how much I miss them. That experiment of yours… You sure about him? Maybe, in his heart, he wants friends just like the rest of us.

Terra thought he wanted power. But he really wanted friendship more.

Terra: Strength for what?

Riku: To protect the things that matter. You know, like my friends.

Same with Riku. The only reason he wanted to become strong was to protect his friends. This is why Terra found Riku worthy enough to inherit the Keyblade.

Sora: What? You wanna be a Keyblade Master?

Lea: Yeah. I mean, I came here to learn how to wield one.

Sora & Riku: YOU!?

Lea: Hey, thanks for the vote of confidence. You know, I was gonna come swooping in, Keyblade in hand! But I just couldn’t get mine to materialize. Must be in the snap of the wrist or something.

Lea cares about his friends more than anything. He awakened his Keyblade after unsuccessfully trying to bring his friend back.

Yen Sid: I will tell you what your friend needs right now. It is not your protection. He needs you to believe.

But the power of waking its not about protection in that sense. It’s more important that you believe in them. Lea was overpowered in his battle at the Keyblade Graveyard. A lot of people were mad about this. But that’s because his victory wasn’t supposed to be about his strength at using the Keyblade. That wasn’t what his character was all about. It was the strength of his heart that really mattered. After Lea looked into Isa’s eyes, he stopped attacking. Then Xemnas broke his Keyblade. If Isa’s heart had broken free of Xehanort’s control and defended him, he wouldn’t have come across so disempowered. It would have been a victory of his heart.

Roxas: Hey, Axel. You haven’t forgotten?

Axel: Hm? What?

Roxas: You made us a promise.

Axel: I did?

When Axel had a dream of Roxas before he woke up, it was not to show that he went looking for him afterwards. It was to show how Lea reconnected with his old self. Now that he’s been recompleted, he feels full of hope. He was wrong. He was able to get his heart back. He did have a next life.

Roxas: That you’d always be there…to bring us back.

Axel: Yeah…

Roxas: Got it memorized?

Axel: Best friends forever.

Maybe his dreams still can come true. He can believe in that now. Roxas and Xion (when he remembers her) taught him that. And Sora made it all possible by defeating Xemnas. The most important thing to Axel was the past. He sought out Mickey to find Isa, even after everything his Nobody did.

Ansem: Our most precious treasures–even an empty puppet–the trees of the forest, and the petals on the wind–there are hearts around us everywhere we look. And it does not take superhuman powers to see them. Surely we remember as children the way our hearts made everything seem so shiny, and perfect. Sora has a heart like that–uncorrupted, willing to see the good before the bad. When he sees the heart in something, it then becomes real. When a connection seems broken, he may have the power to mend it.

Sora was supposed to do the same thing for Lea that Roxas and Xion did. He has the pure heart of a child. That’s the type of love needed to use the power of waking. Not anything superhuman. Just love. But unconditional love. The kind that’s willing to see the good before the bad. And that’s what Lea’s relationship with Isa was ALL ABOUT. Lea was willing to see the good in the bad. He was able to still see his beloved childhood friend in a Xehanort clone. He loved with the pure heart of a child. He never gave up on Isa’s pure childhood heart, either. This would have allowed him to mend their connection. I found the prospect SO touching.

Lea: Axel? Please. The name’s Lea. Got it memorized?

Xigbar: You’re not supposed to be here!

Lea: Promises to keep. I’ll always be there to get my friends back. What, bad timing?

In KH3, Lea acted SO out-of-character. I couldn’t believe how blasé he was about Isa. He acted nothing like he did before. I kept waiting for him to bring up Isa, and he never did. Then I saw the clock tower scene and was just speechless. The game was written like I was supposed to know already that Isa willingly joined Organization XIII. Well, I never got the memo, so I was very confused.

Nomura: In order to wield a Keyblade, the most important requirement is to be “the owner of a strong heart.” Regardless if it’s a good heart or a bad heart, a strong heart is necessary.

You need to believe before you can have true strength of heart. And you need a strong heart to wield a Keylade.

What happens to Lea hereafter now that he has become a Keyblade wielder?

Lea, having returned to his human form, chosen by the Keyblade. Does him getting a Keyblade have anything to do with his best friend Roxas? And is there a possibility that Lea’s become one of the protectors of Light?

Roxas and Xion (when he remembers her) taught Axel how to believe again. And because of this, Lea’s heart became strong enough to awaken the ability to wield the Keyblade. And thanks to them, Lea would have found out that Isa never forgot him; he was just asleep. It would have made Roxas/Xion/Axel SO much more meaningful if Lea learned the power of waking due to them. They would have made Lea’s dreams come true. How beautiful would that have been?

“Recover Something Important”

Riku: I remember my first time here. I was so scared. But now, my doubts and fears are gone. If anything, I feel exhilarated. And it’s not because there’s darkness in me. I know too well what that rush is like. This is different. And it’s not adrenaline either. I know Aqua needs us…but I’m ready. I’m in control now. Maybe it’s because you’re with me this time.

Mickey: It’s not me. I think it’s because you’ve finally found inside you that special strength to protect what matters.

Riku: What?

Mickey: Sometimes you care so much for somebody that other feelings disappear. And then there’s no room for doubt.

Riku: Is that it? “Strength to protect what matters”. It reminds me of a promise I made.

This is the right answer. The other two answers are important. But this is the MOST important. Healing pain from the past allows you to believe. Believing gives you strength of heart.

Hercules: I owe you one, Hades. I didn’t hesitate to give my life for Meg’s. And then, I remembered: A true hero is measured by the strength of his heart. I’ll never forget that again.

And strength of heart allows you to care about someone so much that nothing else matters. It gives you the strength to protect your friends. But also the power to recover something important that was lost.

Even though Axel had been eliminated in Kingdom Hearts II, since that time, had you considered having him appear again in his human form Lea?I thought a lot about that. Should I leave him as he was or should I bring him back again? However, when I considered the people that Lea wants to bring back, his existence plays a big role. I think Lea has successively become a key character.

Lea had people he wanted to bring back.

Nomura: Right now there are a lot of things that Lea wants to regain. That desire is connected to the strength of his heart.

His strong desire to regain something that he lost was directly connected to his strength of heart, and his ability to wield the Keyblade.

Though he’s a member of Organization XIII, Axel is shown in the end of KH Re:coded in the memories of “pain”…

Since healing the necessary “pain” of Axel’s is different than with other people, if he is revived he will take a form like Xehanort’s. In the end of the story, Namine says, “Those whose memories are sleeping inside Sora need relief.” In the KH BbS secret cutscene “Blank Points”, certain characters call out to Sora, however in that scene Axel is the only one who appears and doesn’t say Sora’s name out loud.

Axel doesn’t say Sora’s name out loud. Why? Because his pain was different according to Nomura. What makes his pain different?

Naminé: They’re waiting for Sora. He’s the only one who can put an end to their hurt. DiZ told me…he hid something inside you during the year you were asleep. I asked him what, and all he would say was that he was “clearing his conscience.”

Naminé: Sora must be the key to saving the people you saw…and the ones you’re about to see.

Asnem studied the heart’s connection to memory. He could bring back a person’s lost past. All the characters connected to Sora could be brought back that way. Naminé’s a part of Kairi, but Sora can thank her. Roxas can be revived through Ven getting his memories. Xion through Kairi. Aqua by Sora gaining access to Ven’s memories and using the power of waking. Ven, by bringing back Aqua. Terra, once Ven is saved. If this wasn’t the plan, then why was Sora supposed to be the key? In KH3, he wasn’t the key to bringing them back. But he was the one with the memories sleeping inside him.

Ansem: Sora was the only one able to return to his human form without destroying his Nobody. That is a statement to the love in his heart for other people, and the bonds that tie them together. Perhaps…he has the power to bring back the hearts and existences of those connected to him– to recreate people we thought were lost to us forever.

Sora is the key to healing all those characters’ pain. But he only has the power to bring back those connected to him. And Nomura’s quote suggested that Lea had pain that would NOT he healed by just bringing back the characters connected to Sora. It’s why he didn’t say Sora’s name out loud in Blank Points. He wouldn’t be fully healed with just Roxas and Xion. There was someone else he needed to bring back.

Lea (Axel) ended up playing an unexpected role. I was wondering what was running through your mind when you thought to make him a Keyblade wielder.

I figured since he had returned to being human, he wouldn’t have much luck bringing back the people he wanted without some sort of power. Throwing his chakrams doesn’t really count.

And he needed his own Keyblade to bring them back. He didn’t use his Keyblade to bring back Roxas and Xion. And Sora was supposed to be the one who needed to save them anyways.

Lea: You know what? I’ll bring ‘em back myself.

Ienzo: Huh? How, exactly?

Lea: Why do I always get stuck with the icky jobs?

He wanted to bring back Braig and Isa.

“You both think you can do whatever you want!” He summoned his flame-wreathed chakrams to his hands. “I’m sick of it. Go on, you just keep running. But I’ll always be there to bring you back!”

It was a plea, a cry, a bitter lament, and a vow.

No matter how many times you leave, I’ll bring you back. Every time. Both of you. For my sake and for yours.

And he used the exact same words when he went looking for Xion.

But I told myself to grow up and stop wishing for the impossible. Well, I’m done with that. That’s not the answer I want.

This is what he was thinking before he went to get Xion. He wants to be with his friends. It’s impossible, but he doesn’t care anymore. He’s not content with just memories. That was his wish.

Lea said the same lines, “Why do I always get the icky jobs,” and “I’ll always be there to bring you back,” to Xion in KH Days when he brought her back. Does he remember that?

Nomura: The nature of the being known as Xion and all memories to do with her were erased, but he would remember other things.

Nomura said he didn’t remember Xion, though. So why did he use those exact words?

Xehanort: While I know this future now that I have lived it, returning to my own time will erase the memories and experiences I have gained here. Still, my appointed path is now etched in my heart, which will first lead me to seek the outside world.

Because those memories are etched into his heart. When deciding to look for Braig and Isa, he felt the exact same way as when he went to bring Xion back. He remembered what it felt like to wish for something impossible.

A wish that they could always be together—was longing for the impossible. But at least they could always remember one another.

He used to just accept that it was impossible. But that’s not what he wants anymore. He chose to believe in the Isa of his memories. He wants to recover that Isa, no matter how impossible it seems. His wish is to bring his friend back.

Yet in KH3, Lea gave up on Isa. Axel constantly complained that his friend’s personality completely changed. In KH3D, he just learned that Xehanort has the power to turn an unwilling person into a vessel. He just received a ton of evidence that Isa was possessed and never Saïx to begin with. Just as soon as he has reason to believe all his dreams could come true…he stopped caring! We had all this buildup, and we never got to see his dreams come true. WTF!!! Why even give him a Keyblade!?

I was very loyal to this series. I bought all the spin-off games. I was following a specific story for over 10 years. I patiently waited for the conclusion to that story. KH3 was NOT the same story I had been following. It felt like a slap in the face as a fan. I felt totally led on. And I felt like all of my loyalty to the franchise had been betrayed.

[sage-nebula]

14, 17, 27 for Voltron 8)

14.) Unpopular opinion about your fandom?

Honestly, this is me with the Voltron fandom*:

And I think that’s all that needs to be said about that.

(*Except for those that genuinely love Keitor as a legitimate ship and not just as a crackship, who ship them in earnest and sincerity. Genuine Keitor shippers are the real MVPs.)

17.) Instead of XYZ happening, I would have made ABC happen …

I mean, would it be possible to just throw the entire thing out and make Paradigm Shift an animated series instead? No? Okay … then if I absolutely had to keep the same characters as in the actual Legendary Defender show (ugh at most of them), then off the top of my head:

Shiro would still have a huge presence in the show, but he would not come back to Earth at the start and would instead have died before the show even started. Before anyone gets up in arms, in my version of the show all of our representation eggs would not rest solely in Shiro’s basket (meaning that there would be plenty of queer, PoC, and disabled characters front and center), so no, we wouldn’t lose any representation points this way. 

Shiro would be presumed dead in the Kerberos mission, just like in canon, and Keith’s reasoning for wanting to get to space By Any Means Necessary would be to go find him, because Shiro was the only family Keith had after losing his parents (having taken him in as a surrogate younger brother through the Garrison mentor-mentee program), and if there’s one thing Keith Kogane does not do, it’s Give Up. Ever. However, his grief spiral at the Garrison after losing Shiro led to him getting booted out, which left him to roam the desert chasing energy signals. Keith would steadfastly believe that Shiro was alive and Out There Somewhere until probably around season three, when he’d receive irrefutable evidence (perhaps even a spiritual, astral projection of Shiro himself, because how else would Keith believe it?) that Shiro had died. At that point cue griefstricken breakdown #2, only this time when Keith yells at Shiro was the only one who ever believed in him and the only family he ever had, the rest of the team—having actually been able to bond with Keith on-screen this time around—gets to have a “then what the hell are we?” moment, and actually be there for him as Keith comes to realize that he’d been bonding with a new family all this time. (Which in no way diminishes his relationship with Shiro, of course, but still gives him others to rely on and love and bond with.)Also, he’s confirmed half-Japanese (half-galra) on-screen, and he’s in the Black Lion from the start. (And Allura is in Red while doubling as commander of the castle, Pidge in Green, Hunk in Yellow, Lance in Blue.) No Lion swap nonsense to cause discourse and drama this time around.

As mentioned, Allura doubles as the paladin of the Red Lion and commander of the Castle. Having the fastest Lion enables her to jet back to the Castle to open wormholes when necessary. Her character arc is focused on learning that she can create her own legacy rather than just walking in her father’s footsteps, because Alfor wasn’t always perfect like she believed he was, and it’s not a disrespect to his memory to want and actually be better. This ties in with her learning to be comfortable taking the crown and title of queen, because as crown princess she is technically queen at the start of the show, but her insecurities make her feel as if she’s not yet earned that title. Btw, she survives all the way through the end of the show.

Since Keith has the “finding family” subplot on lock, Pidge’s would be different. Instead of being a family of genius scientists, in this version the Holts (or at least her father and brother; not sure Pidge would have a mother in this one) would be a family of pilots. They know enough to fly their ships, but they’re not much into science otherwise, and at least not the theoretical kind that Pidge is. Pidge’s father always favored her older brother, Matt, pretty blatantly, and while Matt himself loved Pidge, he was also a bit patronizing whenever he tried to comfort her over not taking to flying like him or their father. As such, Pidge figured the way to prove herself was to be As Much Like Them As Possible, hence doing everything in her power to look and act like her older brother. But once she gets to space, she slowly comes to realize that her area of expertise is actually needed on the team, she’s valued more as herself rather than her brother’s shadow, and she comes to realize she never needed to prove anything to anyone.

Lance is the spoiled only child he always acted like on the show who, at first, thinks everything should be about him and if it’s not, then others are wrong. He’s innocently insensitive in that he doesn’t always realize when his behavior bothers someone (namely, Hunk), and decides that Keith is his rival without Keith’s consent or genuine acknowledgement. Lance’s arc in the show would be about noticing and paying attention to others more, rather than always making everything about Lance, Lance, Lance. He becomes a much better friend to everyone in the process.

Hunk has something of the opposite problem to Lance: He’s always putting others before himself and rarely, if ever, speaks up when something they do bothers him, preferring instead to mutter passive-aggressively about it under his breath if he says anything at all. This allows some (like Lance) to walk all over him, and also means that he enlisted in the Garrison even though he didn’t really want to because his family badgered him into it. His arc would be about learning more self-confidence and self-assertion, realizing that it is okay to do things for himself, to assert boundaries, to say no and have that no be heard, and that while it’s good that he cares so much for others, he can’t care for them if he doesn’t care for himself first. Hunk deserves to aim some of the love he gives everyone else at himself, too.

Squad ends up in space because Spoiled Only Child Lance decides he want to take one of the land fighter jets out on a late night joyride and drags Pidge and Hunk with him. (Pidge goes because she has a crush on Lance and also doesn’t want to see him die or get expelled and knows at least one of those things will happen if she’s not along to prevent it, and Hunk goes because this is the first episode and he can’t say “no” to Lance and have it be respected yet.) The three of them follow Keith in to where the Blue Lion is, and a fight almost occurs before Lance awakens the Blue Lion and they all end up in space by accident. 

Season one is spent mostly on building the bonds between the core team. Every single team member has at least one bonding episode (in the A Plot or B Plot or even C Plot) with every other member. So Keith gets one with Allura, Lance, Pidge, and Hunk; Allura gets one with Keith, Lance, Pidge, and Hunk; Lance gets one with Allura, Keith, Pidge, and Hunk, and so on and so forth, you get the idea. That said, we’d start hearing names of important organizations and people later on. Lotor would get name-dropped multiple times and we’d see evidence of him and his team even if we didn’t know it was them at the time, the Blade of Marmora’s sigil would be sighted and would get name dropped, et cetera.

We still get team up episodes in season two, but also name drops start paying off. Blade of Marmora is introduced (as is Keith’s heritage), Keith still rescues Acxa in the Weblum, and we see Lotor on-screen for the first time at the end of the season when Keith’s infiltration mission goes awry and Lotor is the one to save him, in person, having heard from Acxa that Team Voltron had a half-galra on their crew and wanting to investigate that little fact for himself. Their first face-to-face meeting would probably go something like:Keith: “Who are you?”Lotor: “Haven’t you heard it’s rude to demand another’s name before introducing yourself?”Keith: “Yep.”[beat]Lotor: [chuckles] “Very well. My name is Lotor.”Keith: [recognizes the name, but tries not to give that away; nods] “I’m Keith.”Lotor then goes off and also saves Thace because the more agents the Blade of Marmora has alive, the better the chances of toppling Zarkon’s regime.

After all is said and done Keith asks Kolivan if he’s heard of a group of half-galra rebels (because presumably that came up during his little meeting with Lotor), and Kolivan just heaves a long suffering sigh because he knows exactly who Keith is talking about and had hoped to keep Keith far, far away from Lotor. 

Team Lotor is never broken apart, and Narti—who is still blind and mute—never dies. Instead, at some point (probably starting in season three, maybe in season four) they meet with and join forces with Team Voltron—not out of desperation, but because to battle an empire one needs an army to match, and an army united is much better than one divided. Additionally, Team Voltron has zero (0) plans of what to do with the planets they’ve freed, whereas Team Lotor has been working on training part-galra rebels to help defend freed planets and eventually establish a galactic federation, so they bring these plans with them with the agreement that once the federation is formed, Voltron won’t be needed anymore. (They’re also secretly making the Sincline ships to make sure Voltron has a check if needed, but shhhh.)

With Team Lotor now joined with Team Voltron, each Lion now has two pilots who can swap around at will, but also learn to work together.Black: Keith and LotorRed: Allura and AcxaGreen: Pidge and NartiYellow: Hunk and ZethridBlue: Lance and EzorObviously each of these pairs get episodes and development together (especially since Keith/Lotor and Allura/Acxa are endgame, and the fact that Zethrid oozes self-confidence helps inspire Hunk), but they mix and match around, too. Zethrid absolutely sweeps Allura into her arms to take her off to a spa day in one episode, while also laughing about how she could snap Lance in half without breaking a sweat in another, and Keith and Acxa quickly find that they’re kindred spirits and bond a lot, too.

Endgame ships (that would be inarguable, half on-screen kiss confirmation, and would not have either member of the pair die) would be:Keith/Lotor, Acxa/Allura, Ezor/Narti, Kolivan/Antok (I just want Kolivan to be happy), Zethrid/Romelle (maybe; Zethrid has a lot of options), Hunk/Shay or Hunk/Regris, and I guess Lance/Pidge.

And that’s enough for now.

27.) Least shippable character?

Probably Slav, but also Throk, because as my bff @severalbakuras knows I will never, ever take Throk seriously, and that includes ever giving him a serious romantic partner lmao.

[ajokeformur-ray]

(P.1) Hiii! Would you please ship me with Loki, Thranduil, Snape, Hannibal and Sherlock? (Sorry if it's too much) I'm a hetero girl, 26 years old. My biggest dream is to become a university lecturer and I'm working towards this goal, I'm currently working on my dissertation. My Hogwarts house is Slytherin and I'm proud of it (fave Hogwarts subjects include DADA, Potions, Charming). Dedicated to what I do and sometimes I tend to lose track of time when I'm doing university stuff, I can get a bit

(P.2) obsessive with this. I may look like a shy and closed person (which is true because I’m a major introvert) but I’m actually easy to approach and will always be there if someone wants to talk to me. I just need my personal space and it’s important for me that people respect this - I don’t mind being alone and sometimes I actually prefer it. I only allow myself to get emotional when I’m alone by myself because I tend to see feelings as a weakness. I would never ask for help but would always 

(P.3) give help and advice when someone needs it. My biggest problem lies within my self hate problems (I especially don’t like my looks) which make me insecure and wanting to blend in and never take the center stage. I only have few friends and I value them very much so I’m extremely loyal to them. Strengths: logical, caring, responsible, organized. Weaknesses: insecurity, pessimist, tend to worry a lot (even about insignificant details), overthinking (when it comes to decision making), 

(P.4 and last) perfectionist. Likes: books, movies, long walks, tennis, stationary, writing, daydreaming. Dislikes: snakes, deep waters, taking central stage, rude people, group projects, spelling and grammar errors in my native language. Great Shakespeare buff. Would get sarcastic but when I know you and I feel comfortable around you. It takes long time for me to open and to start sharing personal details. Even then I’d keep some things only to myself because I hate to be a bother.

Loki: I feel like, to begin with, Loki would see you as a puzzle. You have several contradictions: you won’t accept help but readily give it, you’re logical but you have insecurities (which are usually illogical in nature) and you overthink, which again is illogical. These contradictions would first intrigue the god of mischief, the maker of chaos, and as he gets to know you; unwrapping layers of your personality, he’d slowly start to fall in love with you on the basis that you’re one of the few humans he knows so completely; you’re his human in a way. Not a possessive feeling, his name for you, but it’s an affectonate way of referring to you. He admires how you know what you need and when you need it and he loves the fact that you don’t put others before yourself: if you need alone time you take it. You both have issues with self loathing but I feel like when you’re insecurities are just a bit too much, Loki would be there to help you see sense with a sarcastic yet oddly accurate statement. You’re also both quite closed off to those you don’t know very well so it’d be a very slow to get going friendship and then even longer until you’re together in a romantic sense.

Thranduil: Your dedication to your studies and the way you fall into what you’re doing, that you forget that the world exists outside of your work is something that would deeply resonate within Thranduil. He, too, has much work to do and less time to do it in. He would understand and would be supportive of your dissertation and your goals, doing what he could to get you to where you want to be. You share something in common with him in that you may appear to be unapproachable to people, but you’re there when someone needs a listening ear; this suggests empathy and you only give advice when someone needs it, whereas Thranduil freely gives it whether it was asked for or not. As such, the both of you would often be found offering counsel to others. You’re definitely close as a couple because you support each other through everything. Thranduil has some dislike for your self-hatred but he disguises that in favour of trying to help you find healthier ways of viewing yourself.

Severus: You already have a fair amount of intellectual activity in common with Severus: your House (same as mine, btw way more than you do! So, you would find a time in a day to sit down and do your own things; spending time together separately. Neither of you ever ask for help but both of you need help now and then, Severus most especially, so sometimes you do force help upon the other. It comes from a place of love, something you’re both very logical enough in, and so neither of you would be mad about it. Severus would be, a little, but he’d bite his tongue. You dislike snakes but you’re in Slytherin, something Severus finds hilarious. It’s one of the few things that makes him laugh.

Hannibal: Hannibal would definitely use his connections to make sure that your goal became a reality. He would do this out of a genuine need to see you succeed, but also because, in doing so, you will feel gratitude towards him and so you’ll be less likely to leave him and therefore, you’ll keep his secrets and he will win. He would make you take care of yourself, handing you well balanced, nutritious food. He would say things like, “food is the body what reading is to the mind” or obvious manipulations like “eat or you can’t abc”. It’d come from a place of love but also from a place of control. If he controls you, then you’ll stay. Or so he thinks. It’s Hannibal, who can say what really goes through that mind of his? Like Will once said, he can explore four different thought tracks all at the same time and picks the one which amuses him most. He would respect your boundaries, your needs, and in return would expect the absolute same - common courtesy but of course you go above and beyond for him, always for him. You dislike rude people so really, you’re almost perfect for each other (apart from you don’t share the same dietary preferences but then, few people do, so it doesn’t bother him). 

Sherlock: Ooooh, Sherlock!!! anyone who tries to get in the way of either of you getting your alone time or whatever else you need. You both find emotions to be weak but because you’re a little more in touch with your own emotions than Sherlock is, you’re there to support him as well and you know when you need a good cry, etc. You’re logical like he is but insecure, a real contradiction, and in his usual tactless way, Sherlock would use cold, hard logic to comfort you. He’d say something like, “don’t be stupid. That won’t happen.” in his normal uncaring way, with an indignant “Sherlock!” coming from John in the background to punctuate a slightly uncomfortable environment. It’s a good thing you know and love Sherlock, because you’ll need that to make sure you don’t end up killing him while you live in 221B with him. Goodness knows John came close a couple of times :D

Edward: There’s a pact between the two of you that Edward will not, under any circumstances, read your mind without your prior spoken consent plus witnesses so he can’t try and twist your words against you. When times are desperate though, he will do so without consent because you’re damaging your mind or body. When you’re really down on yourself, Edward would tense up and suddenly hiss a, “Stop that!”, his fists clenched and his teeth biting into his inner cheeks. He would do whatever he could, even if he couldn’t fix it precisely, to help you find a healthier way to view yourself, even going so far as to ask Rosalie (who I feel experiences insecurities more than the rest of the Cullens) and Carlisle (for professional advice) on what to do. You would always be his number one priority, in everything he does. You like and prefer solitude so Edward would always mindfully avoid breaking your boundaries, though sometimes his ego gets in the way and he ends up doing exactly that. He never fully understands your anger but a brief break from you while he hunts almost always clears things up for him and he would profusely apologise, his voice sounding like he would cry if he could. He’d support you in your goal and would help you with absolutely anything - he would likely use his money, his family’s money, to get you to where you need to go. He has a crappy way of showing it sometimes, but he does love you.

[mtvswatches]

Crazy Ex Girlfriend 4x08 I’m Not the Person I Used to Be

Stray thoughts

1) OMG I’m Other Rebecca!

2) This looks like a smut fanfic…

…except no one asked for it?

3) OMG!! What is it with Rebecca and shit?

REBECCA: Hey, I'm sorry I stunk up the toity yesterday.

JOSH: Oh, no problem. Made my eyes tear up, but, uh, I needed a good cry.

4) I fucking love when this show goes all meta!

5) And they did it again!!!

HEATHER: How long are you here for?

VALENCIA: For the rest of the series! …of holidays, I mean.

Is this going to be a thing in this episode? Because I love it!!

6) This scene was – in Heather’s words – THE BEST.

Okay, based on your face when you were looking at the guest list, my guesses are we're dealing with a frenemy, a nemesis or an ex. So it's an ex. Wait, no. But you dated Josh all through high school. So you cheated.  Oh, you really cared about this person. Oh, my God, you were in love. And nobody knows. Whoa. This is so juicy. Wait, wait, was it a girl? Oh, it was the first girl. Wait, is she here yet? Have you seen her? Oh, okay. So she's not here yet, but she's on the list. Okay, I am on it, I am gonna figure this all out.

I just love how well they know each other, and even though this is obviously exaggerated and played for laughs, it’s a quite accurate depiction of female friendship. When you really know your friends, it’s quite easy to read them and know what they’re thinking just by looking at their facial expressions.

7) So this is the episode, this is the episode where he gets back? Right? Btw, I nearly died when this happened…

REBECCA: Anyway, am I… I can't believe I'm saying this Am I meant to be with Nathaniel or Josh or both or neither?

VALENCIA: Neither.

HEATHER: Neither.

REBECCA: Right, of course. Because the idea of "meant to be" is a lie perpetuated by Western culture.

VALENCIA: No. You're meant to be with Greg.

HEATHER: Wait, you think that? I totally think that.

VALENCIA: Everyone thinks that.

Seriously, it made me feel so good inside and giddy to hear both of them validate how I FEEL. Yes, Rebecca is meant to be with Greg.

Now I’m getting nervous because I know he’ll show up soon. It is his high school reunion, after all. But “he” won’t be “he”anymore, and I’m not sure if the show will be able to pull off this switcharoo you know? Okay, I have to continue watching, don’t I?

8) I see what you’re doing, show…

REBECCA: Okay, look, the only way the only way… The only way Greg would ever be my "meant to be" is if we were in some sort of sci-fi weird parallel alternate universe where he was just a completely different person.

I swear to god, I just got chills when I heard his voice in the background. I’m not ready for this. I’ve been waiting two years for Greg to be back and yet this wasn’t what I was waiting for? What if I don’t like Greg anymore? I’m scared! Okay, I’m going to hit play again…

9) So here he is…

He does look Greg-ish, I must admit.

So, the idea is that this is how Greg has always looked to everyone but since Rebecca wasn’t mentally stable at the time they were together she saw him differently? Is that it? I mean, we always tend to see people differently after some time apart. And Rebecca has changed a lot since Greg last saw her, so that’s probably why she’s seeing him differently. Both of them have probably changed a lot.

10) OMG they did it again, the entire conversation!

GREG: No, I'm-I'm here on winter break. I'm actually back for the whole rest of the series… of holidays. Thanksgiving, Christmas, New Year's and the finale…. Valentine's Day.

HECTOR: Valentine's Day. I guess that is the logical end of our series… of holidays.

11)

12) I love Heather so much…

13) Josh had a literally one good thing going on in his life right now – being prom king at his reunion – and it was all a lie!

14) Now, this was quite a revelation…

GREG: I got to confess, I've been back a few times.

REBECCA: You have?

GREG: Yeah, uh, I just thought it would be best if you and I didn't see each other.

REBECCA: So you were back in town and no one told me?

GREG: Well, I may have asked them not to. I did. Yeah, I did.

Question is… does he know about Rebecca and his dad? And everything that happened in the last two years?

15) The clean slate thing works considering he is literally a different person – at least physically, what he says sounds pretty Greg-ish to me – but it’s the easy way out for Rebecca… Sleeping with Greg’s dad is probably at the top of the worst things she’d done (and yes, I’m including pushing Trent off the balcony.)

16) OMG we’re getting a new Greg and Rebecca song, I can’t believe it.

Okay, show, I think you did it. You got Greg back and you didn’t piss me off in doing so. And of course the Greg and Rebecca song is amazing and it’s the first one this season that I actually love. I had to go back and watch it again.

I really didn’t believe they could pull this off, and I really don’t know how they did it, but it worked? Listening to these two sing to each other about their history together and seeing them reconnect… my heart was swelling with joy.

Also, I loved the fact that they made it clear Greg is still sober.

Is it weird that even though he’s clearly a different person, I do see Greg?

17) Man, I loved every Heather/Valencia scene in this episode! And damn, Valencia, that story is the thing great love stories are made of!

18) So… does Greg’s dad really have to talk to him about sleeping with Rebecca or was Greg trying to get Rebecca to fess up?

19) Yes, Rebecca, you make total sense…

I mean, he basically told her he didn’t feel for his ex-girlfriend the same way he’d felt for her, right? I wouldn’t want to fess up either...

20) WAIT, WHAT?!!!

HEATHER: What? It was Father Brah?

VALENCIA: Joseph. He never got the letter. My love letter was in his jacket in Hector's trunk for 12 years?!

OMFG this show just blew my mind!! He was going to marry Valencia and Josh, right? He was always giving Josh advice about his relationship with her? Is this why he decided to become a priest? WHAT IN THE HELL?!

21) I’m HEATHER, THIS IS HOW I FEEL WATCHING THIS EPISODE!!

22) A GEORGE SONG?!!! CAN THIS EPISODE GET ANY BETTER?!!!

Another catchy tune!! Love the Hollaback Girl homage! And I laughed so hard! “We learned to cry while you were popular!”

23) My shipping heart is killing me right now…

24) Oh, dang, indeed!

25) OH ME GERDS!!

Paula is going to freak out when she reads all those texts, isn’t she?

26) I SHIP THIS? A PRIEST AND A PARTY PLANNER?

What is this episode doing to me?

27) thIS FUCKING EPISODE, I SWEAR TO GOD!

Okay, it makes sense, Valencia is in a good relationship and she is very much in love with her girlfriend. And I’m sure Father Brah didn’t become a priest just because Valencia didn’t choose him. At least they got closure and knowing the truth about what happened definitely changes how they will look back on those memories.

28) OMG they were about to kiss and she told him!

I’m kind of sad she ruined the moment, but it had to be done. Good for you, Honest Rebecca, I’m proud!

29) Greg’s reaction was not what I had expected. He did freak out a little, but he was mostly surprised at how Rebecca came clean and owned up to probably the shittiest thing she could’ve done to him. He didn’t punch any walls (awwing at the reference!) And yes, Rebecca has changed, too. For the better. Old Rebecca? She would’ve lied and schemed and manipulated to prevent him from finding out until ultimately everything would’ve blown up in her face.

And I loved the fact that he’s the one to acknowledge they both have changed.

30) Paula’s ending scene!! I loved her reaction to all the texts from Rebecca as if she was seeing the situation unfold in front of her in real time. It was perfect!

31) This episode… is definitely my favorite episode this season! I just loved EVERYTHING about it? The Heather/Valencia/Father Brah B plot, Greg’s return, Hector’s obsession with the speech and the 2-hours lunch, Rebecca’s texts, the songs, the meta!

It was an amazing episode that reminded us why we love this show so much and why it is SO GOOD.

The writers knew the odds were against them in bringing back Greg with a different actor in the role, so they brought their A game and delivered a nearly perfect episode, one that I’m sure will be remembered as one of the best in the series.

And of course they had to amp up the meta jokes in this one - they were bringing back one of their main characters but played by a different actor, they had to make a meta-commentary about it. But I really enjoyed how organically they weaved the behind the scenes stuff into the storyline - they made the fact that they were recasting a character emotionally relevant for the characters.

I also love how all the storylines had a common thread and in a way reflected back to Rebecca’s storyline - Father Brah and Valencia missing their shot kind of echoes Greg and Rebecca’s story, although they might get a second chance now; Josh discovering this whole new side to the high school experience he’d never noticed before kind of mirrors Rebecca seeing Greg in a new light; Paula missing out on the events of the whole night and catching up in a few minutes probably mirrors Greg’s journey in this episode.

I was very hazy about the decision to cast a different actor to play Greg, but I also knew that if any show and any group of writers could pull it off, it was CEG. And God bless them, they did! I’m not saying I’m totally sold on New Greg yet, but I feel like I will. I feel like I will grow to love this Greg as well. And I think the fact that they were able to achieve that - the possibility of viewers falling in a love with a recast character - is a feat in itself.

This show is such a blessing, I swear! I can’t wait to rewatch this episode!

Sorry if I got a bit rambly and incoherent there, I just enjoyed this episode a lot!

32) Hope you enjoyed my recap, and, as usual, if you’ve got this far, thank you for reading! If you enjoy my recaps and my blog, please consider supporting it on ko-fi.Thanks!

[caecookies-blog]

Music and Him

Type: Darren x Reader

You grew up being part of a family of musicians. Your dad is a retired theatre actor and now owns a music school inside and outside of the country, your mom is part of a very-well known choir which competes internationally almost every month, and your brother who decided to become a celebrity is now a member of a famous boy band in South Korea. Since music has been running in your blood, you are always ready for any recitals and other music competition. Singing and playing musical instruments have always been easy for you since age 2, and you have won in multiple competitions since then. For you winning is easy. You hate the idea of not winning the #1 spot and also the idea of being compared to your brother a lot that’s why you have always worked hard to retain your spot and earn much recognition.

 “___, when will the results of your audition be out?” Your friend, Andy, asked you.

“They said they will be posting the results within this week.” You answered.

“I see. Are you nervous?”

You shook your head. “Nah. The recital in Vancouver last month was way more pressuring than this audition.”

“I know you’ll ace this one, ___.”

You smiled. “Aweee thank you Andy.”

 You and Andy decided to go to the campus food stalls. While waiting for your food to be cooked, you turned your phone data on to check the university-wide organization for musicians Facebook page for updates. You can’t help being nervous despite knowing you did well on your audition performance. The audition for the elite team of the organization only happens once every school year. And this elite team will be the priority of the organization to be sent to different competitions in different locations in the world. As a college freshman, you want to prove to everyone that you can perform well against other contenders, even if you just started college.

 “Excuse me.”

You looked up to see the person in front of you. He’s standing really tall, has curly hair, and has tame face. First thought that came into your mind is that he is handsome. You were caught off-guard when he smiled at you, means he noticed that you have been staring at him. Okay stop. You moved aside so that he can take his order. You caught Andy looking at the guy on the counter. You shook your head and placed your attention back to your cellphone when you read the organization’s post about the students who passed the auditions. You saw your name on the #1 spot.

 “Oh my gosh! Andy!” You covered your mouth, almost in tears.

“Yes, ___?” Andy moved closer to you. “Did you pass the auditions?”

You nodded. “Yes! I did it!” You showed her the post. “Look! I even ranked 1 overall!”

Andy hugged you. “Congratulations ___! I knew you can do it!”

“Thank you so much Andy!” You hugged her back.

“Excuse me. Your order is now ready.”

 You heard the tall guy speaking. You got your order without looking at him. You and Andy start to walk away. You can’t stop smiling as you take a screenshot of the post. You refreshed the page in case they have follow up announcements about the qualified students. But to your surprise you saw a different post.

 “Yes ___? What’s wrong?” Andy asked you as she peeked on your phone.

“Andy…” You looked at her with horror. “Look…”

 Andy got your phone. Ironic it may seem but the moment you were about to celebrate your victory, suddenly the tables have turned. The organization has posted another announcement about the qualified students.

 “Good day. As much as we are excited to announce the list for those who qualified for the elite team, we regret to inform but we saw errors in the list.” Andy started reading. “The post earlier was the list for the 2nd screening. The updated list below is for the 3rd and final screening. Our sincere apologies for the error and we will do our best to lessen our errors soon. Thank you.”

 You sighed deeply as you know Andy is about to read the list.

 “Rank 1-Darren Chen. Rank 2-____________.” Andy looked at you with surprise.

You let out a deep sigh. “Darren Chen… His name sounds familiar…”

“Ohhh…”

 Both you and Andy were startled to see the curly tall guy peeking at your phone from behind. You raised him an eyebrow and you hid your phone away.

 “Who are you?” You asked him.

 He just left. You and Andy looked at each other with confused faces. After classes, you went home and decided to check on Darren’s Facebook. He is not your friend in Facebook but some of his photos are in public. To your surprise he is none other than your childhood rival! You recalled way back in elementary you have a lot of championship titles but whenever you compete with Darren, most of the time you came second to him. Since then you worked so hard to beat but everyone was shocked upon hearing the news that Darren has stopped his musical career to focus on his studies.

You realized you did not recognize his face earlier because he matured so much! He looked so nice, so gentle, so handsome. It has been more than 10years since you last saw him. You cannot stop stalking his Facebook until a tag notification from the music organization page. You checked the update and you cannot just believe what you just read.

 “Good evening. For tomorrow’s agenda, please refer to the uploaded pictures for the room assignment and schedule for the meeting. Our top 2 new talents, Darren Chen and __________, please proceed to the auditorium by 2pm tomorrow. You will be given instructions once you arrive in your respective rooms. Thank you.”

 “Why is it only me and Darren?”

 You almost jumped when your phone rang. Your brother is calling you. You rolled your eyes and answered the call.

 “Yes? What do you want, ugly brother?”

You heard your brother laughing. “Whoa. Keep calm sis I just wanted to say hi. What has gotten you so intrigued right now?”

You sighed. “I’m going to a meeting…alone with a guy.”

“Whoa! Whoa! Whoa! Wait! Who’s this guy?” You noticed his voice is like in a teasing manner.

You scratched your head. “Darren Chen.”

You raised your eyebrow when you heard your brother howled, as if he just won the lottery. “Now we have a love story being developed in here!”

“Shut up. I’m not dating Darren. It just happens we’re the top 2 for the elite team audition in our music organization and I don’t know they just announced we’re going to have a separate meeting tomorrow.”

“I see… Anyway, congratulations on topping your audition. Have you already told mom and dad?”

“Yeah. Just sent them a message.” You sighed. “Hope you’re all here to celebrate. I envy you mom and dad were here when you announced you are to debut with your group in Korea.”

“Awww don’t be sad sis. I’m sure you’ll be able to celebrate there too.”

“I hope so. Well I don’t feel like celebrating because I feel alone here.”

“No you’re not.” He chuckled. “You mentioned you’re with Darren tomorrow who also topped the auditions so basically you can celebrate your victory together.”

You rolled your eyes. “You know I’m hanging up now. I’d better sleep.”

Your brother laughed. “Missed you ____. Take care. Bye!”

“Likewise. Don’t forget about your health! Byebye!”

“Say hi to Darren for me!”

“Whatever.”

 Your brother is a total jerk but you love him since he’s your only partner-in-crime. You put your phone down on your bed and was about to prepare to sleep but your Messenger bell rang. You are expecting to receive a reply from your parents but you are wrong.

 “Hi ___. This is Darren Chen. Congratulations on passing the audition btw. I’m sending you this message to let you know that I might be late tomorrow. Just update me here. Good night.”

 You felt your blood boil up to your head. You cannot just believe the person who topped your auditions is such a lazy freak. You decided not to reply to his message and drifted off to sleep. The next day, you are not as hyped as the other organization members. As you walked through the rooms assigned per group, you can’t help feel jealous of them because you saw how others have already made friends. You just sighed away and went straight to the auditorium. Upon approaching the door, you heard violin sounds. You stopped for a moment when you realize the tune is the same as your favorite song. You immediately went to the door to see who’s making that tune.

 “Woah.”

 That’s the only word your mouth can utter because right in front of you is Darren Chen at the stage, playing with his violin. He looks so calm and one with his violin. You caught yourself being swayed so much by him that you find yourself sitting down on one of the auditorium chairs. You cannot believe that your rival way back in elementary is standing again right in front of you, playing the tune of your favorite song. Darren noticed you were staring at him so he stopped playing and placed his violin in his case.

 “Why did you stop?” You asked.

“I just want to stop playing.”

You raised an eyebrow. “So you’re back at your music career.”

“I guess so.” He leaned on the piano and crossed his arms.

“Why did you even stop? Why did you just…win and win and not show up anymore?” You stood up, walking towards the stage. “You’re still good in music. Why did you just leave?”

He smiled. “You still talk too much.”

“Yeah I know but why?” You sound irritated. “You know you made me look stupid when I entered high school. I have won most of the championship titles because I really worked hard just to beat you but you did not show up even once? And suddenly at one summer a news broke out that you stopped your music career for academics?”

 You paused for a moment when you heard him chuckle. He picked up the plastic bag from the top of the piano and went down from the stage to stand in front of you.

 “Here. Eat.”

 You are completely frozen in your place. How can this guy just shrug off everything you just said? You worked hard day and night just to improve your musical skills to beat this guy but suddenly revealing through the news that he decided to quit his career in music? You felt betrayed. You felt like your efforts have been wasted. To be honest, you know to yourself that Darren is the reason why you achieved so much in your music career, and even not competing with him in recitals in high school, you still managed to perform well exemplary because you have always imagined he is present in the recitals.

 “W-why are you acting as if nothing happened?”

“Hmm?”

“Don’t act silly. I’m serious here!”

He smiled. “Eat. I’ll tell you everything once you started eating.”

 You paused for a moment, thinking how on earth can this person be calm? You have no choice but to accept the food he bought. You realized the food that Darren bought is the same food you ordered with Andy yesterday. You were about to eat but you remembered it is not allowed to eat inside the auditorium.

 “Don’t worry. No one is seeing us here.”

 You looked at him with surprise. He is looking at you as if he is reading your mind. You opened the food box and started eating.

 “Okay. I’m eating. Now spill your story.”

He sighed deeply and stared at the emptiness of the auditorium. “I never imagined competing in recitals against someone who is really gifted.”

You looked at him. “Hmmm?”

“When I was still in pre-school, my parents enrolled me into a music school. Later did I know that the school where I was enrolled in is actually owned by your father.”

“Really? Then why didn’t I meet you earlier back then?”

“I don’t know.”

“Hmmm…” You bit your spoon. “Okay nevermind. Now tell me what happened? Why did you stop your career when we were still in 4th grade?”

You heard him sigh. “My mom got really sick and no one can pay for my fees in the music school.”

“But… Until highschool…”

“I know. My mom got better when I was in 6th grade. As much as I wanted to go back to the stage after 2years, I realized I’ve missed out a lot.” You almost choked on your food when he looked at you. “I read articles about you and your achievements. I was so proud of you that I realized I missed playing the piano and violin on stage with a rival like you.”

You felt your heart beating faster than the usual and your face is feeling hot. “W-what?”

“I was so proud of you being recognized like that. I realized that you are achieving your dreams. You really have this fire within you that really kept you going, which I don’t have. That’s why I decided to lie to the media about focusing in my studies and since then I just wanted to stay lowkey.”

 Just in time you finished the food Darren bought for you. You placed your trash beside you and looked back at him. He still has his eyes locked on you and that made your heart skip a beat.

 “___, I saw how passionate you are in your career. Honestly speaking I envy you for having a dream. Remember the time you told me about it?”

 FLASHBACK

 You’re now in 2nd grade. It has been 4years since you started your career in music and also it has been 4years too since you have been competing with your no.1 rival, Darren Chen.

The recital for the month of September is now over and you are awarded as the first runner up. Darren is awarded as the champion of the recital and you really did not like that idea. Your parents and your brother have been congratulating and comforting you at the same time. They are not disappointed with your performance, but you are the only one who is disappointed with yourself. After the batch picture of the performers, you saw Darren cleaning his violin in one corner. You decided to approach him with your arms folded on your chest.

 “Hey Darren!”

Darren looked up at you with emotionless face. “Yes?”

You pointed at him. “Remember this. Someday I will be a famous performer and I will beat you! I will really work harder to be recognized by the world! That’s my dream! And I will not let you stop me!”

 Then you walked away, back to your parents.

 END OF FLASHBACK

 You looked down. “Ohh… That…”

Your heart skipped a beat when he went closer and cupped your face. “In your eyes I saw how you really wanted to succeed. I did not have a dream like that of yours. I just enjoyed music.” He smiled. “You chose music as your career, and I chose music as my hobby. So if you’re wondering why I did not come back to the stage, what’s the reason why I am going to compete on stage when I just wanted to play music for fun? Nevertheless, I am already happy with what I have, and also I am happy for my no.1 rival’s achievements.”

You were so dumbfounded that you cannot even utter a word. “I-I hate you, Darren.”

He chuckled. “Why?”

“You really did not realize that you’re the main reason why I have achieved this far.” You looked away “I worked hard thinking I might beat you soon but you left the stage. I waited for you for years, but then you did not show up. I felt like competing alone. It did not feel so complete.”

He placed his hands on your shoulders. “I’m sorry, ___. I should have known earlier that you have already took our rivalry to the next level.”

You looked at him with a confused look. “Huh?”

He smiled. “That you like me.”

“Dream on, Darren!” You pushed Darren away but he caught your hands and he was laughing.

“Isn’t it true?”

You stuck your tongue out to him. “What are you even thinking?”

“That I like you.”

 The world seemed to stop when you heard those words from him.

 “W-what? D-did I hear you incorrectly?”

 He stepped closer and enclosed you on the edge of the stage with his hands. You thought looking at his eyes will eventually drown you so you looked away, but shame on it you can still see him in your peripheral view. You can clearly hear your heartbeats and your face is starting to feel hot again.

 “I said, I like you.”

“Ohh…”

“How about you? Do you like me too?” You caught a sight of his smirk.

“Y-You know…” You tried pushing him but he is just too strong for you. “W-we just met again… I-I think you’re going too fast with this…”

“So you are even considering?”

“W-what?!” You slowly shook your head. “N-no! D-definitely no!” You waved your hands as a sign of disagreement.

“But the way you sounded earlier it was just like confessing to me.”

You closed your eyes in dismay and sighed. “Darren, I know what I said.” You looked at him with much courage. “I know what I said and I know what it means. Don’t be so delusional.”

“Yeah I know what that means too.”

 You are at loss of words and you cannot think of anything to say. You noticed Darren is not on guard so you got this chance to break away from his arms. You made a distance between you and him before looking back at him.

 “A-anyway, what’s our meeting all about? For the club.” You nervously asked, and silently wishing he won’t come nearer.

“We already accomplished that.” He calmly answered.

“What?”

He pulled out a piece of paper from his pocket. “It was said here to start getting to know your partner. Well I guess that was really easy.”

“That’s it?!” You cannot believe it. Why does it have to be this private and alone with Darren?

 He just nodded. You noticed he grabbed his violin case then marched to the door of the auditorium. You did not ask for him to stop walking but he just stopped. Then he faced you.

 “By the way, if ever you’re wondering, I did not have the same dream as yours because I have a different dream.”

 Then he went out. You are just left there without Darren telling you what his dream really is. You decided to go out of the auditorium as well. You were about to go out but then Darren popped out again.

 “That is, to be with you.”

 You froze on your spot as your mind slowly digests what Darren just said. Cheesy as it sounds but you can’t just stop smiling. That little boy who is your no.1 rival has matured into like this.

 “S-stop smiling.” You looked back at the door to see Darren still standing there. “I-I mean… I-I want to be with you, on stage again. D-don’t be so delusional.”

 You cannot stop yourself from laughing. You saw Darren smiling at you. You went out of the auditorium and stood closer to Darren. His smile eventually became into something like a nervous smile when he noticed you are staring at him. The both of you are just looking at each other when the warning bell for the next hour rang.

 “Let’s go?” He asked.

 You nodded. You and Darren proceeded to your respective classrooms. While the lecture is going on, you cannot take Darren out of your mind. There is still a part inside you which sees Darren as that shy little boy during your recitals years ago but then you know he is one gifted person. You smiled as you remember how Darren smiled and touched your face earlier. Deep down you know to yourself that Darren is, and still, the person you like.

You went home and checked your Messenger. Darren has sent you messages before you went home. You saw that Darren is active on Messenger so you have the feeling he see your replies.

 “I can’t wait to become rivals with you this time again, ___.”

You smiled as you replied. “Sure Darren. I’m on it.”

It did not take a minute before he replies. “Watch me win that #1 spot again.”

“I am not giving it to you, Darren.”

“Good luck, ___. I’m practicing my pieces now. Brb.”

“Me too. Good luck too, Darren.”

 You went to your piano and started practicing your pieces. You never felt more hyped than before. You’re glad your no.1 rival and the reason why you have achieved all of these is back. Darren made you bond with the music even more. As you play the piano, you can’t stop imagining yourself competing in recitals with Darren again. This time, you know it’s going to be real. You are going to compete for the top 1 spot again, now with the person who motivates you, the person behind your success, the person you like. Darren Chen.