Edging in my bed, with the door wide open, while construction workers are working downstairs 😩
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y’all just— thinking about how excited Stanley must have been to host the twins— Alex says he smokes cigars but he doesn’t smoke once in the show— has a beer gut but he only drinks sodas in front of the kids— doesn’t swear when they’re around which must have taken INCREDIBLE effort— Stanley Pines, known crook, buying pancake mix at the supermarket and many bottles of syrup— learning to cook basic healthy meals and burning so many of them before he gets it right— buying new sheets, new mattresses— avoiding bunk beds because it reminds him of Ford— looking at the attic room he made wondering “is this enough will they like me”— trying to act aloof at the bus stop so he doesn’t betray the fact that he was there hours early— watching them goof around and thinking of New Jersey beaches— then the first night they’re there, he watches them debate running away and only stay because Mabel shook a magic 8 ball. That must have kept him awake all night.
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I think so many people are so deeply alienated from themselves that they have no clue how to exercise their free will and autonomy. For some, this alienation runs so deep that they are afraid of their own autonomy and humanity. It is completely understandable why one would have those feelings, but it can be worrisome.
I want to help others who feel this way, so here are small things I have done to exercise my free will:
Add "guilty pleasure" songs to playlists and actually listen to them (I have a ton of late 1990s-early 2000s music I listen to now proudly that I never listened to in the past out of shame)
Getting the décor item, bath set, bed spread, ect. in the patterns you like, even if it's "childish" (I got a dinosaur-themed wastebasket from the kids' décor section and I adore it)
Taking a new route to get to a place you go to often
Eat dessert first
Celebrate well, and often
Collect things that are "odd" or don't seem like an "acceptable" thing to collect (somebody on my "for you" page collects dandelion crayola crayons and it was so cool!!!!!!)
Incorporate one new piece in an outfit you wear frequently (e.g., a new chain, a necklace, ribbons, bracelets, ect.). Challenge yourself to add onto the outfits if you feel up for it.
Sing along to songs without worrying that you sound "good" or your intonation is completely accurate
Read a book from a genre you weren't allowed to read as a kid (comics, thrillers, mysteries, anything!)
Walk without having a specific destination or goal
Pick up a new craft without expecting yourself to master it or to ever be "good" enough. Get your hands messy.
I don't want to shame anybody for not feeling as though they have free will or that they are exempt from exercising it. However, I wanted to give ideas so that you might read this list and find your own ways to express your intrinsic autonomy and will. You deserve to be a person, to feel alive, not just living. That is what our lives are for.
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You’ve got to forgive yourself for being traumatized and needing to learn how to function again.
Recovery isn’t always nightmares and depression, it’s forgetting to eat, being scared of what others might see as completely normal things, it’s getting random panic attacks, not knowing how to take care of yourself, not knowing how to live like an adult, even if you’re twenty, thirty, forty, fifty, of feeling like you’re failing to function in a world where everyone seems to have their shit together.
If you need help, ask for it. Go to forums and ask for advice. Take advantage of community resources. Buy pre-sliced veggies and fruits, eat instant meals if you can’t cook for yourself today. Hire someone. Ask a neighbor for a favor. Buy any item you think might make life easier, even if you feel like you aren’t ‘disabled’ enough to have it.
Some of the depression posts (ie open your windows, take a shower, go outside, call a friend) are really helpful but they’re not always enough. I’ve found advice for spoonies, people with chronic pain or other disabilities have the best tips because they know what it’s like to be bedridden, out of energy, stuck in a brain fog.
You may never return back to the energy you had when you were younger and you might always need to use crutches to help you through life. It’s the same with medication.
Trauma is a real thing that happens to you, it physically alters your brain and it’s alright to have lasting scars.
You’re not broken, your life is not over and you can still be happy.
It’s not your fault.
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Things I have learnt from Seventeen...(a thread)
Choi Seungcheol (S.Coups): Luck does not exist. At all. Wherever you are, you've gotten there only and only because of your hard work.
Yoon Jeonghan: You should always try to look at life in a different way. Just because an opinion is obvious doesn't mean it's the best.
Hong Jisoo (Joshua): Just because you've been hurt doesn't give you the right to hurt others. Making someone smile is, sometimes, the best healing.
Wen Junhui (Jun): You should never get rid of the childlike side to you. Never let anyone make you feel bad for having fun.
Kwon Soonyoung (Hoshi): Never let anyone break your confidence. Because in the end, you're the only one who truly knows who you are.
Jeon Wonwoo: Just because you're quiet doesn't mean you have nothing to say. Sometimes, the quiet ones are the most powerful.
Lee Jihoon (Woozi): Always follow your passion in life. Because passion isn't something given by birth, rather it's found.
Lee Seokmin (Dk): Try to be the nicest person for someone else. Someday, you'll find someone who'll put in the effort for you, too.
Kim Mingyu: Live life while looking only at the positives. Because even though the negatives are there, what matters is what you choose to see.
Xu Minghao (The8): The perfect life isn't about just seeing things. It's about feeling things.
Boo Seungkwan: If you put in the effort every single day and stick to your goals, you will look back one day and realise that you've lived a perfect life.
Hansol Vernon Chwe: Never lose your thirst for knowledge. Learning, in the end, is what keeps you alive.
Lee Chan (Dino): Never do anything halfway. Ever. Give your 100% in absolutely everything that comes your way because giving it your all will always be better than perfection.
And because of Seventeen, I've discovered my life motto, "I strive for the best, always."
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