#mad about this today. in pain and mad
Explore tagged Tumblr posts
Text
the reason why fetish art and acceptance of sexuality is so insanely important is because shame is what drives the pedophile. shame and secrecy, they never learn to look their sexual expression in the face and never learn how to engage with it in an adult way with other adults. and that is partially due to the shame and harassment put onto people with strange and unusual kinks and fetishes, and partially due to their own trauma and refusal to admit that they are a sexual being and have agency over their sexuality. one thing i've noticed about all groomers and all pedophiles is that they act as if their kinks, fetishes, and sexual needs are uncontrollable. a separate part of them. something uncontrollable and something that will exist no matter what. i believe this is also why there has been very little success when it comes to rehabilitating known pedophiles, especially when considering once you do something once, it opens up the doors to continuing the same behavior because you got away with it before. but the thing is, sexuality will always, always be fluid, and people need to channel that into something else in an adult way. your sexual needs ARE your regular needs, they are the same as any other desire or need, and they can be shifted or changed when you actually care about the people you are affecting. there are so many people on this website right fucking now who are my age, and my heart bleeds for them because i know what the internet is like. i know what it is like to be bombarded by constant disgusting sexual content from as soon as you can read, its something i'm very aware of. and these people are being told that theres no fixing their sexuality, that these genuinely malicious fetishes and kinks that were pushed onto them as children have caused them to be forever pedophiles. and that they need to convince people that thats okay. but what they need is for someone to sit them the fuck down and explain to them that what they are doing is literally actively creating more people like them right now, that their CP and their incest work is literally at this moment being used to groom more kids into thinking this is ok. they need to be sat down and explained to that yes kinks and fetishes are entirely normal, they are something you should learn to incorporate into your life and expression and identity if you feel the need, they are things you need to talk to with OTHER real adults about. because we are animals, we are sexual beings by nature, and it is important for human development to open up these conversations. but shame and regret and untreated trauma keeps these people in these cycles of trying to justify some SERIOUSLY egregious shit just so they can get off without examining their trauma, or examining WHY they're getting off to this in the first place. i honestly find it really deplorable. i thought we were supposed to be the ones ensuring this shit wouldn't ever happen again to kids, and yet here we are, 2024, all the people i grew up with who i saw get groomed over and over and over and over on this website are now making posts about how looking at pictures of children getting fucked and reading stories about a brother preying on his sister is completely fucking normal. i'm sorry to burst your bubble, it isn't. your posts stink of untreated, unexamined trauma, you have let yourself become a slave to your libido that isn't even yours anymore. i don't know how to explain to these people that i am not conservative for saying this, and i don't know how to explain to these people that incest and pedophilia is literally the white mans tool for purity and control. it isn't kinky fun time, it isn't just a devious taboo. grow the fuck up. it is a white supremacy tool that was used AGAINST you to indoctrinate you and you fell for it hook line and sinker and are now trying to convince people you aren't guilty. you are. and you will be guilty until you take a moment to step back and look at yourself in the eyes, and ask yourself why that specific power dynamic is seemingly the ONLY thing that can get you off.
There are plenty of other fetishes and kinks that have almost the exact same sort of power dynamic, the same sort of humiliation or control or risque-ness out there. The issue is, these things ARE actually taboo, they are seen as the ACTUAL SEXUAL DEVIANCE, because they are intrinsically connected to art and homosexuality. that's how i know none of you mean anything you actually say, i know that none of you actually give a fuck about human psychology or "pro-kink" or anything like that because you straight up only use the excuses you use to get away with your fictional CP. i want there to be a happy ending for us, i want there to be spaces for us to express ourselves, i want to see people learn to interact with sexuality in a healthy and fun and unique way. I am so fucking tired of seeing my entire peer group take the tools that rich white pedophiles have pushed onto us and use it on eachother and younger generations. it makes me sick to my fucking stomach. Grow up. Get into other things. Stop trying to get other people to manage your trauma for you. I do not forgive you, and your posts attempting to shove your guilt onto me mean fucking nothing. You can only say "you sound like a conservative homophobe" so many times to me without sounding actually fucking insane, knowing my pedophile conservative father would be patting you on the back knowing he taught you well. You're a coward. I want to see you grow a pair.
19 notes
·
View notes
Text
I think it's both sad and hilarious to see the difference between how small children react to disabled people and how teenagers/adults react to discabled people.
Small children are just curious and want to understand why and how things work, so of course when I'm walking with my cane and limping and taking walking breaks, they're going to be confused. Sometimes their questions are blunt but it's obvious they're just curious and mean well.
And then there's everyone else. They don't even want to know about why you're disabled or anything, they just want proof that you are allowed to be disabled (like that's a fucking thing). And every time they say shit like "well prove it. Prove that you're disabled" I just look at them with a confused face. Who the fuck do you think you are, demanding to see my personal medical records, move the fuck out of the disabled parking space you abled piece of shit.
#I am just so mad today#Cripplepunk#This post is about physical disabilities#do not derail#crip punk#cripple punk#AMPS#amplified musculoskeletal pain syndrome#ouch#spoonie#chronically ill#cane user#chronic illness#soulless speaks#invisible illness
113 notes
·
View notes
Text
you n me
#witch hat tag#orufrey#today was so wild emotionally... isnt it mad how no matter how depressed the world makes you feel you also do have to do Tasks etc. Lol!#then the pain of life makes you re-realise how epic a gay manga romance is after not thinking about it all day#idk whether i'm even 'depressed' because i can be this obsessed with something. i feel hopeless-not apathetic. my heart is fighting hard#qifrey in a keffiyeh was a charity sketch thing - oru i did before wants to be with him
90 notes
·
View notes
Text
In less than 24 hours wellbutrin has made me realize there is a difference apparently btwn choosing not to do something vs being genuinely unable to, and therefore I am in fact not simply a lazy and selfish trash human but someone whose brain machine is just kinda broken.
And also every therapist I've seen over the last 8 years owes me an apology for never examining why I thought I had adhd further. I still don't have a proper diagnosis so it could be other things but lmaoooo I had some kinda symptoms disorder going on after all.
#Txt#It's also making it easier to identify more specific blocks like pain issues deterring me#Whereas before it was all mixed together#Like rn I feel like I can mentally do a task if u put it in front of me#I just don't wanna get off my heating pad lol#Whereas... before today I've had the mental side working against me as well?#Anyway wellbutrin is a made from crushed up pieces of god I think#I'm kinda mad when I asked my pcp about it a few years back she decided against it#and I don't think ever referred me to a psych :|#whereas my new pcp brought it up on her own#it's a similar situation where my current therapist being the one to bring up adhd is what probably is going to actually#get me somewhere with it rather than the cases where i dared to bring it up myself
8 notes
·
View notes
Text
What's my worst quality? || 2x15 - Revelations
What if we don't want a new Unit Chief? || 3x02 - In Name and Blood
#aaron hotchner#derek morgan#hotchgan#criminal minds#hotch and morgan being petty volume 1#aka the best continuity that the writers ever had was when these two wanted to really get under each other's skin#and i thank them for it#bless#there is something so soft about the way that derek says “you can be” and “sometimes” like he's not as willing to gut hotch as jj and emily#and hotch just wads it up and sticks it in his lil pocket and throws it back at derek when he's getting ready to leave the bau#and when derek claps back by saying#look man#are you a pain in my ass? YES SIR#PEAK HOTCHGAN#i am very normal and i am doing great today why do you ask?#and no i do not give a rat's behind about the rated tv-14 nonsense i did these screencaps at 1am and it stays as a marker of my madness
248 notes
·
View notes
Text
O SWEET RELEASE OF DEATH FREE ME FROM THIS ACCURSED FLESH PRISON THAT IS MY MORTAL BODY (has fallen victim to menstrual cramps and is slowly losing any trace of coherent thought)
#one of those days where im very mad at whoever decided i needed a uterus#im not even gonna have kids and i dont even care about my gender whyyy must i go through this pain for the next 40 or so years of my life#ok maybe i can deal with the cramps. Maybe the physical pain is bearable with some ibuprofen#But then why must there also be mental pain. The existential crisis#the random bursts of anxiety#general bad vibes. Absolutely uncalled for#whys everything is suddenly so annoying???? What does that have to do with bleeding????????#L evolution#Like whats the actual appeal of this. Shouldnt we have already evolved out of this hell#i should go microwave myself maybe thatll fix smth. yknow like. like in the movies#incoherent ramblings#extra incoherent today
8 notes
·
View notes
Text
me having gone to bed at 6 am every day for the past week and generally spiraling mentally while rotting in bed waking up this morning: a 4 mile hike in the heat is a really good idea right now, and while we're at it let's start like 3 art projects
#maybe my mom was onto something all these years telling me i'm bipolar#no i don't think i am but i do technically have a bpd diagnosis so like. mood swings up the fucking wazoo are not new#but i am not one to be like 'exercise will fix me'#i've also just come to terms recently with the fact that i didn't kill myself already so might as well start thinking of the long term#so not being in constant pain when im older is something im actually thinking of now#so like. gotta move more which i was doing during this semester! walking like 3 miles a day which didn't help brain but#it's gotta be good for you anyway even if i don't get the endorphins everyone says you get when working out#that's neverrrr been me bc also chronic illness w exercise intolerance#so it's like. wah i have a desire to move my body more and know it's beneficial#but chronic illness + mental illness + trying not to think about exercise in terms of weight loss bc i'm trying not to make that the goal#although certainly wouldn't be mad if that was the result but if i prioritize it over just overall health it's gonna make me obsessive#i'm saying a lot of words. i have no one to really talk to so i once again come to tumblr as a public diary#ANYWAY. trying to find balance with wanting to exercise for overall well-being but dealing with other factors like chronic illness#which has actually been under the most control it's been in years i barely even consider myself (physicslly) disabled these days#and also balancing the fact that while my disordered eating has never recovered and i still have extremely bad relationship with myself#im in a relatively better place with that. i'm not starving myself and im not going through binge/purge cycles#but my relationship with food and eating is still very much unhealthy#and i don't think that will ever really change bc it's so ingrained in the everything about me#i don't really know what i'm talking ahout anymore or what prompted this#i can't simply just say 'i'm gonna go for a hike today' and be normal about. always gotta psycho analyze myself#im in a very weird stage in my life where i feel like i have control over nothing and i barely even exist in my own body#im just like a cacophony of voices trapped inside a meat suit but im not in the drivers seat im stuffed in the trunk and tied up#and the guy driving is an old blind mind who should have lost his license his ass is NOT road safe!#so it's like i have all these ideas and desires and feelings and ahh!! but hey i'm locked up here let me out please#and also the state of the world. so bleak and hopeless and paralyzing that i've just kind of shut my feelings off so i'm rapidly switching#between numbness and overwhelming agony#what the fuck am i talking about
14 notes
·
View notes
Text
deeply upsetti that i wanna write and Do Stuff rn but my right hand is hurty so bad for some reason today :( :(
#rimi talks#like i know why it hurts sometimes but i have NO idea what aggravated it today#well i guess i might have some idea but i am mad about that bc i didnt DO anything#chronic pain is bullshit u guys :/#i just wanna write my little fics is that so much to ask
31 notes
·
View notes
Text
#i wouldnt usually care about stuff like this. but every month or so i get two or three asks like this and i just got one earlier today#and look. i’m not saying u can’t hate ns or dislike them. feel free to send me asks that are like ‘ns you are stupid and you suck and i hate#you’ he IS stupid and he DOES suck and he is quite hateable. that’s fine#it’s just when you start sending me wholeass paragraphs explaining every single detail you hate about ns and how they deserve a slow and#painful death that i think two things: 1. you are finite waves reincarnated 2. you are weird! and strange even!#what are you on about! ns absolutely does NOT deserve a slow and painful death! and you absolutely do Not have to be so hostile and#aggressive towards them as a character! like Please relax. we serve bullshit here sir#most anti-ns asks i get are funny and are light hearted because it’s just people messing with ns on purpose or mocking him and making him#mad because he easily gets mad and it’s funny. Like those asks are fine. it’s another deal entirely when you send me this detailed and—#honestly—really mean message. I guess i am not surprised considering how similar ns and pebbles are in terms of personality#(and circumstances somewhat) and we all know how the fandom treats pebbles. even worse than ns. but yeah anyway#they are not an irredeemable unforgivable monster and they do not deserve to die. Hope this helps#to me even calling them a Bad Person is kind of a stretch. let alone the shit some of you are saying about them#we have to get normal about mentally ill and traumatized and autistic characters gang!#crammerposting#i also do not appreciate when people insuniate that ns is stupid for overworking himself and damaging his structure and so on and so forth#yes it is his fault but that didn’t mean he deserved what he had coming to him or anything like that. be nice to him
26 notes
·
View notes
Text
I really need pinterest to learn the difference between natural nails and nude acrylic/gel enhancements
#the 'your nails but better' trend doesn't help#neither does the awful 'clean girl aesthetic'#like they look great & when i can afford to get my nails done regularly that's exactly what i want my enhancements to look like#to reduce breakage & maintain a uniform length & shape (which i totally suck at doing myself) under my regular lacquer#but they're not what i'm looking for when i search for natural nail manicures#grunge holds a grudge about pinterest#i mean. i'm not actually mad- more like mildly miffed- but i am in pain and everything is making me cranky#(i re-injured my toe on saturday and then had to walk around walmart for over an hour today in not-weather-appropriate footwear)
15 notes
·
View notes
Text
I’m currently very upset about the American healthcare system. Like I hope they know that they are making people actively sicker 🫶
#don’t read the tags if you don’t like skin related stuff although I’m not going into major detail but I felt like I should warn people an#anyway*#autumn rambles#so basically I had a regurlar cyst on my lower back which isn’t abnormal for me and wasn’t causing me any pain until like a week ago when I#say down on my bed but I did it in a way that I think made this minor cyst burst inside my skin and now it’s definitely infected because#the skin around it is swollen and red but my cat also recently got put down so I felt like such a burden that I didn’t want to tell my#parents but eventually the pain got so bad I caved and told my mom on Sunday night and today she called to try and figure out if I could go#to my primary care this week but since I haven’t been in three years (which I know sounds bad but I see my other two doctor every six#months PLUS I have my double infusion every month so I’m fucking burnt out on seeing doctors so yeah I’m not going to go to my yearly#appointment like I’m supposed to because I’m fucking tired of it PLUS my primary care goes through doctors like crazy and I was tired of#having to explain my life story every time I go to get a regular check up)#but anyway since it’s been 3 years I have to fill out a new patient form in their office before they can even let me know if they have an#appointment available this week like how fucked is that??? why can’t I fill it out before my appointment???#also they had the audacity to say to go to urgent care when the whole reason I called my doctors office is because my info is all there in#the system where as the urgent care people are likely going to have no access to my medical history and they won’t know anything about my#chronic conditions#I’m just so mad because the cyst hurts so fucking bad right now#I had to put a bandaid on it because it’s slightly beginning to burst and I’m terrified of taking the bandaid off#I’m just so torn on what I want to do#like I need to suck it up and go to urgent care but we need the car to get there and my dad has plans tomorrow night and Wednesday is#thanksgiving prep and I hate feeling like this huge burden#it’s the middle of the night rn so I can’t do anything about it and I’m just sad#like I should have stopped being a baby and went after supper but the cyst didn’t hurt as bad then
5 notes
·
View notes
Text
it's hard to have a good day like, mentally and emotionally but a bad day physically.
it's REALLY hard to do that twice in a row but we're going to try.
#i'm not doing the bit this time sorry#the POTS has been POTSing all over the place and i had to take a shower#so what *wasn't* THAT bad before is now VERY BAD and i'm like...#i'm nauseous i don't want to eat anything i can feel the pain starting so i do need to eat SOMETHING so i can take meds#but the concept of both making AND eating food is daunting and also gross feeling simultaneously#my heart is just constantly pounding and i haven't had any caffeine yet today#so my concerns that it was the monster making my shower reactions worse is absolutely not the case#because i'm fucking sitting here shaking like i just survived a car crash all due to having#*checks notes*#woken up made my bed and taken a shower. that's IT. that is ALL i have done so far#and i am trembling and shaking and weak and nauseous like i'm in shock or something this is BULLSHIT#i think i'm hungry too is the other problme i don't know for sure due ot the aforementioned other factors#so i bet eating would help a lot here#god i hate this so much right now i'm so mad#i had to dream about my family and being ignored and there were WILD swings between feeling horrible and feeling like things were improving#and i wouldn't be shocked if the symptoms i was having in my dream were happening in real time in my actual body too#i hate htis i hate htis i hate this#water salt compression socks WHAT ABOUT WHEN THAT'S NOT ENOUGH HUH? WHAT THEN??? DO I JUST GOTTA LIVE LIKE THIS?????#*fuck* i'm so angry rn. and sad. i think i'm going to let myself cry and see what happens
2 notes
·
View notes
Text
how are you supposed to react to the realisation that your parent is like actually abusive
#kostik speaks#this is not the first time. or the second. or the. i just keep realising this and then forgetting to protect myself#abuse#domestic abuse#for cw#im processing today that its not normal for your parent to not care about your feelings or pain at all#like them hurting you for hours because theyre angry and not caring because the only thing that matters is that theyre mad at you#im realising that might not be normal#my household is shit in a lot of other ways but my mum situation is really difficult for me to process#at least with house being bad its kinda nebulous and a feeling#processing that my mum mistreats me and all her kids is kind of realer and uh. therefore harder#i dont get it#why cant she be normal#why cant she be nice?? i dunno. i genuinely cannot fathom a mum being nice or fair or even#its just relentless rage or offense the moment you make a mistake or make her look bad#as long as youre helpful and make her look good shes fine#but god forbid youre a child and make a mistake because youre a child. god forbid you be autistic and struggle#i dont understand its so inconsistent. sometimes she sounds like she cares. she advocates for all sorts of stuff#but if shes mad at you youre not a person anymore. you dont deserve rights or dignity or sympathy. i dont get it#and christ it doesnt take much for her to be mad at you. she never lets go grudges anyway so you never know when itll come#sorry for abuse posting i recently came back from home and had therapy about it and then a chat with my flatmate about abusive parenting#my brain is working
12 notes
·
View notes
Text
PART 5 of my incorrect quotes shenanigans featuring six of our newest OCs, which I am happy I kept forgetting to post because that means I now get to use them to hopefully brighten up @katkastrofa’s day a little ^–^
#I don’t have the energy for extensive tags bc today was LONG#however. I can share a few explanations#‘but Nia. I hear you say. wouldn’t Daneli make more sense as the one who’d cry over her friends?’#yes. but have you considered Shezan is crying because she’s afraid her friends will leave her#thinking that she will only ever be second best to the romantic relationship Roheen and Gulalai have#and she knows they’re planning on leaving eventually but can’t imagine managing a different life with her chronic pain#you ever think about THAT?#anyway. hey look!! Phailin appears more in this bunch!!!#she really deserves more attention that this incorrect quotes generator refuses to give her#I like to think that maybe she’s not as quick to catch onto slang and common euphemisms#bc while she grew up in the EK she was pretty isolated from her peers bc of discrimination#hence the ‘put them on a boat’ comment#and everything else is the same#Shezan is once again a danger to herself. Daneli is once again adorably clueless about a lot of things#and Gulalai is Tired#it’s been just over a week and a half since their creation and I’m still not any less obsessed with these girls :)#kat and nia and their multiverse of madness#original characters#lmao. just realised that I’m posting this in the exact same circumstances as the last bunch#in the afternoon on a Wednesday waiting to go over to my auntie’s place#neat coincidence
2 notes
·
View notes
Text
received an ask that was asked not to be posted, but because of it, and because of the thread sent around this morning, i want to tell you why i never find casual or "satirical" antisemitism or racism funny or acceptable: when i was in highschool, i was horribly bullied. pick a reason - i was out of district with affluent kids, so they made fun of me for being poor, for my clothes, for my curly hair, for my body, for my shyness, for my interests, whatever. in 10th grade, we had to do semester long comprehensive projects/presentations on a topic in modern european history. i chose the holocaust. as difficult as i knew this would be to study with intent, i made this choice because members of my extended family were lost, because we had a dear family friend who was a survivor (wrote a book and ran a shoah museum), and because i was old enough that i needed to try and understand, because this shadow of horror and grief had always been a part of my jewish heritage. when the kids who bullied me realized this, the torment became explicitly antisemitic. i won't repeat some of things they said, but it's still burned into my brain. they mocked anything they could. told me all jewish girls are ugly. and far worse. eventually, a couple of the girls emailed me actual nazi propaganda. one stole a beloved star of david necklace of mine and threw it in a dumpster (i never got it back). because this was concrete proof, we went to administration, and they suspended the girls for a week. the boys who'd made the very worst "jokes" couldn't be reprimanded because i couldn't prove bullying via speech. they kept doing it, just changed tactics. i was told later we could've pressed what happened further as a hate crime, but tbh i don't think i would've had the strength for that. i just kept my head down and tried to survive it until they got bored. they engaged in "joking" racism and misogyny too. they did "ironic" h*il salutes and laughed about ovens. it wasn't humor, it was bigotry. it left permanent emotional scars, not just on me. and those types of jokes? they inflame and encourage and embolden very real and dangerous white supremacy. so yeah. i never find that funny and i never am able to brush it off. if that's oversensitive, fine. i'd rather be oversensitive than callous. and i feel the imperative to listen to people when they're hurt.
#(ask me about how i got mad about a lyric in iftye in 2019 lmao even though i got over it bc it was silly. i thought about it again today)#(i wasn't mad at her just at an interpretation i saw at the time)#anyway#antisemitism#jess.mess#anon i am so so sorry for what you went through i love you#also! for the record i am not typically super vocal about issues/news on here bc it pains and exhausts me and this is my safe happy space#it is not because i'm not informed or don't care at other times#i am compelled to speak atm as members of our community are hurting and i am well aware it changes nothing and is not activism#but i just want people to know they're heard and not alone#(ps: and they did this with half of my family being gentiles?! so yeah!)
19 notes
·
View notes
Text
the thing (well, one thing anyway) about chronic pain is how you'll have a day or half a day or even just a few hours that'll get you so close to just fucking wanting to end it all right then and there because you're just so tired of being in pain and it feeling like it'll never end and never get better, and your brain feels like it's on fire and you can't remember the last time you felt even just okay, much less fine or good.
and logically you know it'll probably be alright again in time, but the effort it takes to just make it through that moment is so exhausting that it just leaves you drained.
and it's not like you want to die, you just want the pain and misery to stop, and sometimes it feels like it never will. like you're just stuck on that endlessly-looping train track through hell with no stops to get off, and nothing will help you feel even minutely better at all.
#anyway. it's been a day so far and I have not been coping well today#just more migraine madness with a mean dizziness kick to it as has happened more and more often lately#and I didn't know if I'd be able to keep my pain meds down or if I would even be able to make it to lying down in time#nor how long I could lie down for before my neck would make it all worse again#I'm better now obviously but it was touch and go and it's not been the first time I've pondered if it's at all worth it#the taking meds every day to make sure I don't end up spiralling out of control from some mood episode#the taking more meds to try and keep my migraine in check when it seems as though it's just been getting worse#and like the meds are less and less effective (when I know I have zero alternatives bc of the meds I'm already on)#and I just get so tired. and fed up with it all. and I want to be hopeful and optimistic#but what am I doing it all for you know? is all this agony worth the few good days and moments#and logically I know the answer is yes. there is a lot more good in all those days than I can recall right now#but it's so hard to remember when I can barely open my eyes. barely get up. barely walk without being in pain#so I guess I just needed to get that out. no need to worry I'm not stupid and I'm far too stubborn to give up#I just wish the world would stop and quiet down for a bit so I could have a break. an actual one for once#a day in the life of..#about this gal
3 notes
·
View notes