#lyrics: PAIN IS GOOD by 1-800-PAIN

[projectmayhem-stims]

SWERVE IT CUT IT BITE IT HATE IT HIDE IT EAT IT LAUGH RIGHT AT IT

🤡 🤡 🤡

💜 💜 💜

🎭 🎭 🎭

18/37: Gamzee Makara

[gryith]

My Favorite Albums This Year

I’m not a big music person, but I still have opinions on music, so here they are for this year. I’ve decided to go with full albums because if I was doing favorite songs of the year I’d hit Tumblr’s character limit, so here we go, top ten albums (if it was 11 there’d be Laurel Hell in here too fyi but what can you do):

LEVEL SELECT - PIZZA HOTLINE

A chill little EP with vibes of the ps1/dreamcast and early ps2 era, and I think every single person born between 1997-2003 has a lot of nostalgia for that vibe.

World Wide Pop - SUPERORGANISM

Whilst not as good as their debut album, this is still a great entry, and the halved size of the band brings a little more musical cohesion at the expense of some of their unique sound. This was, however, the first gig I went to post-covid (I think), so it was a big deal for me and really helped me like the album.

Nisemono - Ginger Root

It’s a short EP but every track is like something playing on the radio in a good memory.

DISCO4::PART II

HEALTH have gone full dark synthwave in the last few years and I couldn’t be happier, and whilst I wasn’t in love with the first album, this one really hits right, thanks in part to the incredible and talented musical guests. 

I Love you Jennifer B - Jockstrap

After being introduced to, and loving, Wicked City earlier in the year I was looking forward to this, and whilst I wasn’t disappointed, I do wish it was as intense as Wicked City, though this is definitely a better album on a technical level.

THEIR MONEY IS YOUR MONEY - 1 800 PAIN

I like when things are good, this is good, don’t fight back on this.

Ants From up There - Black Country, New Road

With the drawn out, progressive structure of bands like The Mountain Goats, the repetative, rhythmic sounds of more experimental artists like Colin Stetson, and the vocals and subject matter of a contemporary indie band like MGMT (not a coincidence that all three of those have made three of my favorite albums), this is a fantastic journey that’s storyful and emotive, and I’ve listened to it countless times since it was introduced to me.

Digital Spool - Jazz Emu

Despite the fact they’re just silly comedy albums, I enjoy Jazz Emu’s new album when it releases every year, and it’s insane how much improvement he’s had musically in just the last three years. Even moreso than the last album; ‘Humilis’, this album has a lot of self-analysis. Many of the songs on the album ask ‘it’s not right that people don’t take my music seriously on a technical level just because the lyrics are silly’, and that’s made clear from the prologue. It becomes more clear during ‘tonally inconsistent’, which introduces that actually you can have comedy tracks and serious tracks on the same album. we then end with Hummingbird, a fully serious ballad about a pastoral type of innocence that’s simple and understated yet subtly beautiful, then the titular song which states the thesis; ‘do you really hear my music? or do you just hear setups and punchlines?’ it’s his best work yet musically, with some great comedy tracks and leaves him in a place where he can go anywhere he wants on the next album.

Mr Morale & The Big Steppers - Kendrick Lamar

When I first heard this album, I remember thinking ‘nah I’m not as into this one’, but then a few weeks later I was overcome with the urge to play it again, and I liked it a lot more, then a few more weeks later the same thing. As always this is an introspective and simultaneously macrospective analysis of people and person that knows when to be aggressive and when to be soft. Absolutely one of the best of the year.

LABJAMS - Michael Whyckoff

Normally I don’t like to include soundtracks in these lists, despite them constitutuing a good 30-50% of what I listen to, and it has been an extraordinary year for soundtracks; from Bodies Bodies Bodies, Nope, Turning Red and Everything Everywhere all at Once to Immortality, the bad guys and Paradise Killer, but BONELAB’s official soundtrack was so good that it transcends just being a score. Featuring several fully vocalised tracks on top of atmospheric tracks and regular score tracks, this album is at the same time cohesive yet jumps around so many styles and tones and feels, it’s a genuinely impressive feat of music and a genuinely great album (scoring a genuinely great game) and I highly recommend it!

[iravaid]

Art trade with @odiletheswanqueen​ where their OC, Odile, fucking snaps. 

Good for her, good for her. This was so much fun to make, omg. lyrics are from 1 800 PAIN song, HURT, for full viewing experience listen to the song while staring Odile dead in the eyes.

details below the cut, because this piece is Big

[pipipinyyy]

Explaining why I have added every song in my entire and very long Niragi playlist because I can and because over analyzing him is my passion (I usually update it from time to time but I'll do it with the current songs)

Completely self indulgent post, but I decided to share to feed my fellow Niragi stans (*˙︶˙*)☆*°

This is entirely based on my view of the songs and how I interpret them while thinking about Niragi. I'm aware that most of them have entirely different meanings, this is just for fun :) (Also sorry if my explanations don't make much sense, English is not my first language and I might make mistakes when trying to put my feelings and thoughts into words)

This may contain manga/s2 spoilers

Hayloft-Mother Mother: Vibes

Criminal-Britney Spears: The whole song describes him ("he is a sucker with a gun") and the fandom's obsession ("mama I'm in love with a criminal")

Daddy Issues-The Neighborhood: I feel like he would act like this, using the most vulnerable spots to pick on someone ("cry little girl, nobody does it like you do")

Psycho-Jin Dogg, OVER KILL: Vibes

Riot-Hollywood Undead: He'd definitely start a riot like he did in the 10 of hearts, burning and destroying anything that crosses his path

Bitches-Mindless Self Indulgence: He most likely thinks he's a total fuckboy and popular with girls since he can get almost anything he wants out of scarying people

Baby's on Fire-Die Antwoord: Vibes

Insane in the Brain-Cypress Hill: This man is being consumed by his own way of protecting himself

Wolf in Sheep's Clothing-Set It Off: Based on how he feels towards the people who hurt him in the past ("Listen, mark my words, one day, you will pay" "You've always been a huge piece of shit, if I could kill you, I would" "Karma is gonna come collect your debt")

Death no more-IC3PEAK: Vibes

Gasoline-I Prevail: Sort of similar to Riot, ("So burn it all down, burn it all down, I don't give a fuck")

Toxic-Britney Spears: The whole fandom knows how much of a piece of shit this dude can be, but we still find ourselves liking/enjoying his character (to an extent), a toxic addiction

Nice Guy-GRLwood: As much as I love this man, he'd use the "I'm a nice guy c'mon" card just to fuck. If he wants to, he'll get it, if he doesn't, he'll most likely get mad

Dernière danse-Indila: Vibes

TRRST-IC3PEAK: Mostly vibes, I kinda see this song as how he felt the first time he killed someone on purpose inside the borderlands ("mama they say I'm a terrorist, I did nothing wrong but I got on the blacklist")

Saint Bernard-Lincoln: Vibes

Nowhere To Run-Stegosaurus Rex: Being with him at the Beach would either be ignoring each other completely or a game of tag, no inbetween. If this man wants to kill you, he'll get his fun time out of it as well ("You're gonna die, I'm gonna kill you")

The House of Wolves-Bring Me The Horizon: Based on how he sees life after being consumed by his current mental state ("Show me a sign, show me a reason to give a solitary fuck about your god damn beliefs" "What you call faith, I call a sorry excuse")

Smells Blood-Kensuke Ushio: Vibes

SIU-Maretu: Similar to Daddy Issues, don't expect this man to be a therapist. If he sees anyone crying or panicking in or outside a game, he'd most likely tell them to suck it up, just like this song.

Judgement-Kensuke Ushio: Vibes

MONSTER ENERGY GUN!-KevinKempt: Vibes + He for sure has an energy drink addiction, specially pre-borderlands

HURT-1 800 PAIN: Vibes

Fear Is The Mind Killer-Zheani: Vibes

I Bet on Losing Dogs: Based on how I know Niragi is toxic, and most likely unsaveable of his deteriorating mental state, but I still have him as my biggest comfort character ("I bet on losing dogs, I know they're losing and I'll pay for my place")

Emo Boy-Ayesha Erotica: He's been in an emo phase (and maybe still is), the lyrics are pretty self explanatory, they describe us Niragi simps perfecrly ("come on fuck me emo boy")

Crybaby-Destroy Boys: Vibes

The Fox's Wedding-MASA Works DESIGEN: Vibes

You're a useless child-Kikuo: We don't know much about his past, but judging by the unstoppable bullying he's suffered, his parents didn't care about him, or were straight up absent. He's been insulted by pretty much everyone in his past to the point of believing it and telling those things to himself ("You're a useless child, the most useless child in this world" "Drool in snot, dandruff, shit and piss" "I'm a useless child" "Nobody will save me" "I'm a lonely kid")

Take A Slice-Glass Animals: Vibes

Fighting With The Melody-Jimmy Urine: Vibes

Comics-Caravan Palace: Vibes

Rhinestone Eyes-Gorillaz: Vibes

Butch 4 Butch-Rio Romero: Mostly vibes, sort of how I think the most "peacefull" moments in a relationship with him would feel like, kind of bittersweet feeling

Suki Suki Daisuki-Jun Togawa: Yandere Niragi. If he's interested in someone, he'd go through an obsessive phase, most likely forcing the other person to "love" him. This man is so confused about the feeling of love that he's unable to tell when he loves someone or when he's obsessed with them due to his lack of attention ("Like you, like you, I love you. Say you love me or I'll kill you")

:(-The Garden: Vibes

Kitty City-Cyriak Harris: Vibes

Blood-My Chemical Romance: If Niragi went to a therapist, he'd act like this song, with his signature cocky and sarcastic personality (at least before he gets better) ("I can't control myself because I don't know how" "They can fix me proper with a bit of luck" "I'm the kind of human wreckage that you love")

A Mask of My Own Face-Lemon Demon: He feels like he needs to protect himself or else he will get hurt inside the borderlands by others again. He uses another personality, a completely ruthless one, even if he doesn't like it and hates himself for it, he doesn't see another way to deal with his fear, allowing his "new self" to consume himself. ("I'd wear that mask of my own face" "I look into my eyeholes and what do I see? A handsome motherfucker motherfucking looking back at me")

I'm a Murderer-Freddie Dredd: Mostly vibes ("I'm a motherfucking murderer")

'Cause I'm a Liar-Mcki Robyns-P: He would lie just for fun even in serious situations. If he needs to manipulate someone to survive, he'll do it his way, after all, he doesn't care anymore, he just seeks for excitement. ("Without emotion, without devotion. It's much easier to fake something happy")

I Disagree-Poppy: I don't know exactly how to describe it, but I feel like this is how he sees and feels the world and those around him, feeling misunderstood and going his own way ("If only all of you could see the world I see, then maybe everyone could live in harmony")

Personal Jesus-Mindless Self Indulgence: He has a superiority complex, that's for sure. I don't think he sees himself as a god, but I see him joking about it

Rainbow Factory-GLAZE, WoodenToaster: Vibes

Frontier Psychiatrist-The Avalanches: I kinda see this as Aguni taking the role of Niragi's "father figure" inside the borderlands, realizing he's turning insane and is unable to control him ("That boy needs therapy")

Hate it. Hate it. "JIGAHIDAI!"-WADATAKEAKI Kurage P: Jealousy. I can see it either in a pre-borderland situation where he hates the popular students in school, or inside the borderlands hating both Chishiya and Arisu. Jealousy takes over him constructing a big ego, causing himself to develop his superiority complex ("You see, I hate that popular girl!" "Does she think I don't notice? How she looks at me as if I'm trash" "I want to be praised" "I'm different from you all, I have my own ego! I'm not a side character" "I have zero common sense. I'm special")

Villain-Stella Jang: He knows damn well he's a villain, that's his goal after all, but what if someone took his point of view? wouldn't the villains be all of those who hurted him in the first place? ("We all pretend to be the heroes on the good side, but what if we are the villains on the other")

Violent-carolesdaughter: This is how I view an argument inside a relationship with Niragi. He's used to violence, to cause fear, and getting what he wants, so being in a healthy relationship would require a lot of patience and strenght. While he's getting better and suppressing those violent actions, there will be times where he accidentally uses violence or threatens the other person unintentionally, mostly hurting himself and his partner psychologically. The lyrics change between both points of view ("Don't make me get violent, I want my ring back baby that's a diamond" "She knows I'm a wreck" "I gave you all my trust and I told you just don't break it")

Hey Bunny-Baby Bugs: Based on how I think it would feel to partner up with him inside the borderlands and catching feelings for him while knowing the huge mess he is ("Hey bunny, what's with those evil eyes?" "Hey bunny, what the hell is wrong with us?" "Hey bunny, what if I loose you too? If I become the monster, together we can always be blue")

Kokoronashi-majiko: I'm pretty sure Niragi isn't able to see himself as someone able to love, even if he doesn't want to be alone (just like when he confesses this feeling while fighting with Chishiya and Arisu). If someone truly loved him and was willing to not letting him go, it would hurt. He can't see himself as someone who can love or be loved, so he can't accept the love he's seeking for in case that turns him "weaker" making his true self confront with the protective mean personality he's created. He could learn how to accept it, so he might want the other person to stay in the end, but it wouldn't be easy for him to accept it ("It's awful, I'd rather you destroy my body, tear it to sheds, do as you please" "No matter how much I'm loved by you, my heart is just one" "I don't know this, don't leave me alone")

Nightmare Parade-FAKE TYPE.: Vibes

Slipping Through My Fingers-Meryl Streep, Amanda Seyfried: Niragi seeing himself loosing his young, gentle and caring personality due to his fear, being unable to control what's happening inside, nostalgia and sadness kicking in ("The feeling that I'm loosing her forever" "That funny little girl" "Sometimes I wish that I could freeze the picture and save it from the funny tricks of time")

Kuroneko No Tango-Pink Martini, The Von Trapps: Vibes

YKWIM?-Yot Club: Him confroting his feelings of loneliness when he's left alone with his thoughts ("It feels like I care too much when I'm alone, oh no")

Romantic Lover-Eyedress: Just appreciating his physical appearance ("She's a killer, I love her features")

Wrecking Ball-Mother Mother: Based on how he sees himself as someone who needs to destroy everything in a way or another in order to be powerful + the fun he has with it ("Call me a reckless wrecking ball" "Let's break it just because we can")

Edge-Rezz: Vibes

Freaks-Surf Curse: Again, confronting feelings when loving someone, but not in such a painful as Kokoronashi ("I need a place to stay where I can cover up my face" "Don't cry, I'm just a freak")

Little Bit-Lykke Li: Vibes

6up 5oh Cop-Out (Pro/Con)-Will Wood and the Tapeworms: Vibes

PHONKY TOWN-PlayaPhonk: Vibes

I WANNA BE YOUR SLAVE-Måneskin: Freaky time. He would absolutely love this song, definitely his type of thing ("You could be the beauty and I could be the monster" "I wanna touch your body so fucking electric" "I wanna make you hungry, then I wanna feed you")

#BrooklynBloodPop!-SyKo: Vibes

A Cold Freezin' Night-The Books: Vibes

A Pearl-Mitski: My most favorite song to associate with Niragi. Represents his evolution as a character. Creating an scenario where he is loved by someone,he rejects it at first, acting tough ("I don't want your touch") and then proceeds to explain why ("It's just that I fell in love with a war, nobody told me it ended" "it left a pearl in my hand and I roll it around every night just to watch it glow") the war being the borderlands and his new personality, he loved it, but nobody drew a line and it's getting out of hand. The pearl is the feeling of power, the one he has to remember when feeling weak just to feel something. At the end of the song it changes to ("Sorry I can't take your touch"), realizing that he wants love, but he's not able to take it or else he'll become the Niragi from the past

Problematic-Bo Burnham: Him acknowledging his problematic actions but not wanting to apologize because he doesn't feel the need to. He knows he's done bad things but he is going to laugh at it and be a sarcastic mf about it

First Love/Late Spring-Mitski: Similar to Kokoronashi, he wouldn't be able to accept love and how it makes him feel. He would think that he prefers for everyone to hate him and be lonely instead of sacrificing his tougher side. Also talks about how he's grown way too quickly for him to understand feelings properly ("So please hurry leave me, I can't breathe, please don't say you love me" "One word from you and I would jump out of this ledge I'm on baby" "I was so young when I behaved 25, yet now I find I've grown into a tough child"

The Other Side Of Paradise-Glass Animals: Vibes

Bodybag-Chloe Moriondo: How I feel about liking his character, confronting feelings basically ("Don't know if I hate you or if I wanna date you" "I don't wanna like you, I just wanna tie you up, then keep you in a cage and watch you sleep for ages"

Get Into It (Yuh)-Doja Cat: Vibes

Psycho Killer-2005 Remaster- Talking Heads: Vibes

HOT DEMON B!TCHES NEAR U!!!-CORPSE, Night Lovell: Vibes

INFERNO-Sub Urban, Bella Poarch: Again, another song that describes him pretty well ("Baby I'm the reason why hell's so hot" "Terribly like terrible, she's a villain" "Think I'm getting butterflies but it's really something telling me to run away")

Bad Morning-Omori: Vibes

Trouble Brewing: Vibes

Dueles Tan Bien-Bruses: Another song about my confronting feelings with this man ("You know what? You taste better than alcohol to me. You know that and you've got control" "Because you hurt, and you hurt so good that I don't know what to do")

And that's it!! This took me the whole day to write but it makes me very happy to be able to share it :)

I've you've read the entire thing, hope you enjoyed the character analysis! ლ(◞‿◟ლ)

[mydogisveryadorbs]

blue ain't your color | jj maybank

masterlist

summary: song fic based on blue ain’t your color by keith urban.

warnings: mentions of mentally and physically abusive relationships, underage drinking, mentions of drugs, angst, fluff, v soft jj

PSA: this is not in any way meant to idealize or romanticize abusive relationships. if you or someone you know is in an abusive relationship please get help. below are some resources and learning tools. 

National Domestic Violence Hotline: 1 (800) 799 – 7233

Love is Respect – National Teen Dating Abuse Hotline: 1 (866) 331 – 9474

more hot lines and info: https://victimconnect.org/resources/national-hotlines/

learn more: https://www.thehotline.org/psa/

lyrics in bold

3.8k+ words

✰⋆✰⋆✰⋆✰

I can see you over there

Starring at your drink

Watchin' that ice sink

All alone tonight

You look down at your drink, moving the straw in a circular motion causing the ice to swirl around creating a small tornado.

Glancing at the time on your phone, you realize you've been waiting here for almost two hours. 

Your boyfriend was supposed to meet you at Topper’s party at 9. In the first thirty minutes, you weren't surprised. Liam, your kook boyfriend of 10 months, was late for almost everything, so this didn't come as a shock to you. 

When the one hour mark hit you were honestly quite worried. What if he was in an accident? What if he got jumped? Maybe your thoughts were most likely irrational, but you couldn't help but worry about your boyfriend.

One hour later, you had gotten past the worrying stage. Now you were simply angry, no, furious at him. Had he stood you up? Did he forget about you? These thoughts were definitely more rational. It wouldn't be the first time Liam stood you up, but you would make sure it was the last. 

At the beginning of your relationship, everything had been sunshine and butterflies. About two months in, however, he asked you to stop seeing your friends.

You see you were a born and raised pogue. Your dad was a close friend of Big John so you had practically grown up with John B, JJ, and Pope, in more recent years becoming close friends with Kiara.

At first, it was little things. Liam would get upset if you left to hang out with the pogues instead of him. Then one day, he asked you to stop seeing them all together. You, of course, retaliated, telling him that you would never leave your friends. But Liam had a way with words, and not a good way. He told you for months that your friends would never love you and that you were lucky that he had even taken pity on you. Slowly, you started to believe him. You stopped seeing the pogues, pushing everyone who truly loved you out of your life.

Liam became more and more distant as the months went on. He would leave you almost every night to drink and party, not even bothering to let you know where he was headed. The two of you had been fighting nonstop for several weeks. It had gotten physical only a few times and the next morning he would apologize profusely, so you stayed.

Seeing him walk in with two girls wrapped around his waist, nearly two and a half hours late, was the last straw for you.

Grabbing your purse, you walked up to Liam, who's eyes widened with the realization the moment he saw you.

“Fuck, (Y/N),” he says, slightly slurring his words as his arms still holding the two skinny blondes at his sides, “It's not what it looks like.” You can see his red-rimmed eyes and dilated pupils, telling you that he was coked out. 

You roll your eyes, knowing that this was it for you. “Really, Liam,” you snap back, “‘Cause it looks like we are done here.”

Liam’s eyes widen in shock, never having seen you lash out like this before. He shakes it off and his expression quickly contorts into one of disgust. “Okay,” he says with a shrug, “Good luck finding someone else to take pity on a whore like you, dirty pogue.” He walks away with the two girls, leaving you in shock.

It takes a moment for you to realize that you had just ended this almost one-year relationship. 

The first emotion you feel is one of freedom and relief. No more would you have to be held down by this weight of not being able to do and say what you want.

That feeling slowly dissipates as the feeling of dread starts to overcome it. You had pushed away all of your friends for this boy who had let you go like you were nothing to him. Maybe you were nothing.

You walk back to the bar area, grabbing another drink, feeling the need to drown away your sorrows.

And chances are

You're sittin' here in this bar

'Cause he ain't gonna treat you right

JJ Maybank hated kook parties with a passion.

Thankfully he hadn't had the opportunity to attend too many of them in his lifetime. But now that John B was macking on Sarah Cameron, it wasn't uncommon for the blonde boy to get dragged along to one of these events.

John B had left JJ to fend for himself as soon as they had arrived at the party, slipping off somewhere to find Sarah. JJ looked around the extravagant home that belonged to one of his enemies, Topper Thornton. His ring clad fingers fiddled with an expensive-looking vase, trying to find the perfect moment to snag it and slip away.

JJ’s eyes filtered through the crowd when they landed on something, or rather someone, that he had least expected to see.

His hand slipped from the vase, letting his gaze drink you in. You definitely looked different. Your once long hair was now cut just below your shoulders and your typical style of denim shorts and a cropped shirt was exchanged for a lavish-looking dress and sparkly stilettos.

JJ admits that he probably wouldn't have recognized you if he hadn't spent so many years unable to take his eyes off of you whenever the pogues were together.

The boy had loved his life long best friend since the day she clocked a boy in the face for making fun of JJ’s worn-out clothes. They were seven. In addition to being the day JJ had met (Y/N) and John B, it was also the day he fell in love with the (Y/E/C) eyed girl.

When you started dating your kook boyfriend at the beginning of your junior year, JJ was initially devastated. He soon brought himself to realize, however, that a lowlife like him would never be able to deserve someone as beautiful and kind-hearted as you. His thoughts were confirmed when you abruptly stopped hanging around the pogues and him. You were too good for him. The blonde boy had no idea of the pain that Liam had caused you in the past ten months.

Now looking at you, JJ could see that you were upset. He had gotten really good at analyzing your body language over the many years of being your best friend.

All thoughts of stealing the vase flew out of his mind as his feet started in your direction.

Well, it's probably not my place

But I'm gonna say it anyway

'Cause you look like

You haven't felt the fire

Had a little fun

Hadn't had a smile in a little while

You felt a figure move to sit in the bar stool chair next to you, but you choose to ignore whoever it is, not particularly feeling up to socializing with a contemptuous kook after what you just went through.

The figure didn't move after a few minutes so you turn to look at them with a glare in your eyes, ready to snap at them and ask them to leave you alone. Your gaze immediately softens as you realize the person next to you is in fact the last person you would ever expect to see at a party like this, JJ Maybank.

Tears begin to prick at your eyes as you continue to stare at the side profile of the blonde boy who hasn't yet turned to face you. 

Everything you had done so well to hide over the last ten years of knowing and loving him comes rushing back. Your love for the boy next to you consumes every fiber of your being. 

A lone tear falls down your cheek as you begin to curse yourself and Liam. How did I let him control me into giving this up? This feeling?

Blue looks good on the sky

Looks good on that neon buzzin' on the wall

But darling, it don't match your eyes

JJ finally turns his head to look at you and feels his entire resolve crumble. You were crying. The sight nearly breaks his heart in two.

His eyes lock with yours and he can see the pain and heartache swirling within them.

“What did he do to you,” JJ mutters, letting his eyes roam the crowd for the boy he despises most in the world. Almost a year of suppressed anger starts to bubble up to the surface.

“JJ,” you whimper.

The sadness and hopelessness in your voice makes every ounce of anger in him evaporate as he turns his head to look at you again. The look in your eyes tells him that the kook boy had hurt you worse than he ever knew.

JJ wants nothing more than to pull you into his arms and never let anything else in the world harm you. His hands itch to wipe the tears off your face and pull your head to his chest.

However, JJ also wants you to be as comfortable as possible and he's not sure if you're ready for the amount of love he has to give you just yet.

You surprise the blonde boy by reaching out to your arms out to him. The blonde wastes no time in standing up and pulling your body flush to his chest.

Everyone else in the world disappears as the two of you clutch each other with all you have. Both of you realize how much you had missed the comfort of each other's embrace. 

You're not sure how long you stand there like that, face nuzzled into JJ’s shoulder as the boy strokes your hair comfortingly.

“I'm sorry,” you mumble into his shirt, not willing to pull away from the warmth he radiates.

JJ’s eyebrows draw together in confusion as he pulls away enough to look down at you. “What do you mean,” he asks with a softness in his voice that is reserved for you only, gently lifting your chin so that you are looking into his beautiful cerulean eyes.

You sniffle. “I'm sorry for leaving you. I'm sorry for breaking down in front of you. I'm sorry for dragging you into this mess. But most of all, I'm sorry for ever believing that I could live without you. I-I mean if it weren't for you I don't know what I would do. I understand if you don't want to talk to-” your ramble is suddenly cut off by JJ pressing his lips to yours.

The boy knows that this is probably not the best time to confess his feelings towards you, but he can't watch you talk down about yourself like that anymore. Do you not know how much he adores you? 

The kiss is soft and passionate. JJ can taste your salty tears on his slightly chapped lips as they work against yours. Both of you poor every ounce of emotion you have into the kiss. 

JJ reluctantly pulls away when the two of you run out of air, placing his forehead delicately on yours as your arms wrap around his neck.

I'm tellin' you

You don't need that guy

It's so black and white

He's stealin' your thunder

Baby, blue ain't your color

Both of you pant as you look into each other's eyes. “I've wanted to do that for so long,” JJ says, as the smile you cherish so much graces his features.

“Really?” you ask and JJ can hear the vulnerability in your voice. What did that shithead do to you to make you so insecure?

“You have no idea, baby,” he says, tenderly kissing away the tear that has slipped out of your eye and onto your cheek.

Not having the words to express how you feel about the boy in front of you, you pull his head back down, kissing him so sweetly that it makes his knees buckle.

“JJ,” you whisper as you pull away, but you never get to finish your statement because you are suddenly ripped out of his embrace.

“You fucking whore,” Liam seethes at you taking a stride towards you and you instinctively take a step back. “You break up with me and two minutes later you've moved onto another guy. Slut.” His words cut you deep and you know by the tone of his voice that a punch to the gut or a slap to the face is coming. Liam raises his hand and you brace yourself for impact, but it never comes.

The sound of yelling fills your senses and you open your eyes to see JJ punching Liam in the face repeatedly. You are frozen as you watch the scene in front of you.

“JJ,” you hear John B yell, turning to look at him, “You're gonna kill him.”

Your eyes widen in realization at his words and you take a step forward.

“JJ,” you call, but your voice is drowned out by the sound of everyone yelling around you. You clear your throat and try again, louder. “JJ.”

This time JJ stops mid punch, turning to look at you. Fear fills your body when you see that his wide, normally baby blue eyes are nearly black.

His gaze softens as he takes in your anxious look.

JJ steps away from the beat-up boy and you see a few of his friends pull Liam’s limp body away. You lock your eyes back to JJ’s and he takes a careful step towards you causing you to involuntarily flinch back slightly.

I'm not tryna

Be another just

Pick you up

Kinda guy

Tryna drink you up

Tryna take you home

He wants to cry out at the sight. Don't you know that he would rather die than ever hurt you? 

You do know this, and you're not afraid of the boy in the slightest, but the last five minutes have put you on edge.

Seeing the broken look in the blonde’s eyes, you take quick steps toward his body, wrapping him in your embrace. He melts into your arms, allowing his face to nuzzle into the crook of your neck.

The crowd that had formed around the fight disperses, realizing the show is over.

“(Y/N).” The sound of your name being called pulls your attention away from the sweet boy in your arms.

You pull away from JJ slightly, still keeping an arm around his bicep.

Looking over, you see John B standing to the side with Sarah Cameron. You had heard about the two of them getting together and you suddenly realize why JJ happened to be at this party.

The sadness in John B’s eyes as he looks at you breaks your heart. The two of you have been like sister and brother your whole lives and, besides JJ, he was the hardest for you to stop talking to.

You feel JJ’s grip on you loosen, urging you to go to John. The two of you walk towards each other and John B pulls you into his arms. 

“I missed you, (Y/N/N),” he says unto your hair, “So much.”

You smile, tears softly rolling down your cheeks. “I missed you too, JB,” you say, pulling away to look at JJ who looks back with a sad smile on his face.

But I just don't understand

How another man

Can take your sun

And turn it ice cold

The four of you decided it was best to leave. John B dropped Sarah off at her house and drove the three of you back to the Chateau. Your stomach drops at the sight of the small shack.

JJ notices your facial expression, placing his hand softly on top of yours. “You okay?” he asks gently as John B parks the van.

You nod with a small smile and JJ helps you out of the van, holding your hand as he leads you to the porch. You stop walking, causing the two boys to turn around and look at you.

“I'm sorry,” you say, tears pooling in your eyes again. JJ gives you a knowing look. “(Y/N),” he says, almost sternly.

“No,” you say, wiping your eyes, “Let me talk.” JJ nods and John B looks at you expectantly. “I left you. Both of you. I- Liam, he just made me feel so useless and I didn't want to be a bother to you guys anymore.”

JJ lets out a sound, almost like a growl, and pulls you into a hug. “You are not useless, (Y/N),” he says seriously, “You are so important, to both of us, and we missed you so much.”

You nod into his chest as John B comes to wrap his arms around both of you.

The three of you group hug and you sigh contently, happy to be back with your boys.

Well, I've had enough to drink

And it's makin'

Me think that I just might

Tell you if I were a painter I wouldn't change ya

I'd just paint you bright

John B helps JJ set up the pull out while you change into a pair of John B’s sweats and JJ’s t-shirt. John B says goodnight and goes to “hit the hay” as he puts it, leaving you and JJ alone again.

“I'll sleep on the other couch and you can take the bed,” he says sweetly, pressing a gentle kiss to the top of your head.

The two of you settle into your “beds”, but you can't seem to fall asleep with so many thoughts running through your mind.

Everything that has happened since you left the pogues seems like one big sad blur. Your mind wanders to JJ. What does this mean for you two? 

“(Y/N),” the voice you love so much calls. You hum in response. “You ‘wake?” he asks. You sit up in the pullout shaking your head.

“Can't sleep,” you say, rubbing your eyes. 

JJ sits up as well. “M’sorry, baby,” the nickname makes your heart flutter.

You open your arms for the boy who looks at you warily. “Are you sure, (Y/N),” he asks. You nod quickly and he stands up, falling into the pullout and wrapping you into his arms. He tucks your head under his chin, pulling you closer.

“JJ,” you ask.

It's his turn to hum in response. “This may be weird for you, but I feel like I just have to say it,” you tell him. JJ pulls back just enough to look into your eyes. He's worried about what you are going to say but tries to hide it for your sake. “I love you, J.”

JJ smiles, leaning down to nuzzle his nose with yours in an Eskimo kiss. “I love you too,” he says sincerely, but you're afraid he doesn't understand what you mean.

“No, J,” you say, looking away from his eyes, “I love you. Like, I'm in love with you.”

The blonde boy only smiles bigger. He leans down pressing a passionate kiss to your lips, pulling away when you run out of air. JJ trails sweet kisses down your jaw and neck before placing one last kiss on your lips.

“I'm in love with you too (Y/N),” he says kissing your forehead. JJ wonders how he went so long without being able to kiss you and hold you. Even after only confessing a few hours ago, it feels so natural to have you in his arms. The thought of not having you makes his heart ache. 

“I have to ask you something, but you can say no and it won't change anything and I understand that this is hard because of everything that just happened,” JJ rambles. You kiss his jaw softly, urging him to continue. “Will you be mine. Ya know. Like my girlfriend, or whatever.”

You smile wide. “Of course I'll be yours, J.”

JJ copies your smile leaning down to press another kiss to your lips.

He pulls away, snuggling into you, and the both of you bask in the feeling of being in each other's arms. Your hand reaches up to play with JJ’s hair as your eyes start to droop.

“Love ya, pretty girl.”

“Love you too, J.”

'Cause blue looks good on the sky

Looks good on that neon buzzin' on the wall

But darling, it don't match your eyes

You are sitting down on a beach towel, watching the sun slowly fall into the ocean, lighting the sky with a beautiful rainbow of colors. Your feet are outstretched in front of you and your hands prop you up behind your back. The Outer Banks heat is making your skin warm, but you don't mind, letting the steadily depleting sun hit your skin.

You watch as JJ catches another wave, surfing it perfectly. You giggle as he raises his hand in a fist, clapping for him. 

It's been two weeks since you finally ended things with Liam. You were able to mend things with the rest of the pogues and Kiara and Pope welcomed you back with open arms. Things with JJ have been going amazing. The two of you agreed to take things slowly seeing as you were just getting out of a toxic relationship. It was different to finally be in a place with JJ where you weren't afraid to show him and tell him how you feel, but you loved it.

JJ runs towards you, gripping his board in one hand as the other pushes back his blonde locks.

When he gets to your towel, JJ throws down his board and plops down next to you, pulling you into a sweet hug.

You giggle. “You're all wet, J,” you say, not making any move to get out of his warm embrace. The boy peppers your face with soft kisses causing you to giggle even more.

A few minutes later you are seated in between JJ’s legs and he has his strong arms wrapped around your waist, his head nuzzled in the crook of your neck.

“I love you, J,” you say, still watching the sunset.

“I love you too, pretty girl,” JJ says kissing your neck. He begins humming the tune to a song you recognize. 

“Blue ain't your color, umm mm,” he sings, “No, no baby, come here baby, let me light up your world.”

✰⋆✰⋆✰⋆✰

[everyhowlmarksthedead]

LIGHT IT UP

Nestor Oceteva x Reader

Anon asked: What about rough sex with Nestor in Miguel’s house? He makes you stay quiet and fucks you in the bathroom because he couldn’t wait to get you homeee ahhhh i love nestor

Word Count: 1.9k

Thanks to my lovely beta reader @chibsytelford 💘

Author comments: I hope you all enjoy. Gif credits: @angels-reyes​.

Tag list: @starrynite7114 ​ @chibsytelford ​ @dazzledamazon ​ @mara-mpou ​ @sammskellington ​ @gemini0410 ​​ @1-800-imagines ​ @briana-mishell24 ​ 💥 (if you wanna be tagged, send me a message!)

Taking a last look in the mirror, turning on the high-heels, you sigh. You're pretty nervous 'cause finally Nestor is gonna introduce you to his boss, and also his best friend, Miguel. You want to make a good impression and you're not sure about the dress you chose, but you don't have time to change your outfit. So, going downstairs with shaky hands, you find your boyfriend waiting for you at the hall. He looks at you from top to down. Hundred times. You're doubting.

“What? Is that bad?” You ask with trembling voice.

Looking down and moving the skirt, you raise your gaze at him. The golden and sparkle dress is falling on you like a cascade with a pronounced neckline and bare back, with your long and curly hair place on it. You know it was a bad idea dressing something like that, but guessing that being Miguel's birthday the assistant should be ‘important’ people. Nestor doesn't say anything, till you're about to talk.

“You're fuckin' stunning”. He says walking towards you, holding and lifting one of your hand to make you go a full turn. “You're fuckin' beautiful, baby”.

His words makes you smile, leaning closer to kiss him softly. Offering you an arm, and taking it, he guides you to the car opening you the door. Even if he does what he does, when you two are together his attitude changes completely. You have seen him working, more or less, escorting Miguel's wife or his mother, and he looks so serious that sometimes surprises you when he laughs watching some tv-show with you lying on the sofa. 

Placing one hand on your leg, Nestor drives to the luxurious house of the boss Cartel, knowing the road by heart. Some music is playing in the car, trying to focus your mind on the lyrics, so you don't think about Miguel believing you're not enough for his brother.

“He will loves you”. He says, staring at you for a second. “And if he doesn't do, I love you and that's all it matters”.

You nod biting your inner lip, before licking it feeling somewhat relaxed, putting a hand on his nape to leave some caresses. You love him too, since the first moment you met. And your parents do too. They're delighted with Nestor.

Some minutes after, you finally arrive to the house, decorated according to the celebration, with a lot of people reunited at the entrance next to their own cars. Porsche, Maserati, BMW (...). God, you're enjoying the views as the good mechanic you are. It's like if you were a child on a candy store. Your boyfriend parks next to a black Cadillac, walking faster to your door so he can helps you to go out of it. Then he guides you to the front door, being greeted by some men, recognizing them as politician. Shit, your legs are shaking. 

“Brother!” Miguel walks towards you, hugging him and palming his back very lively.

“Are you already drunk, Mikey?” He laughs loud, infesting the older.

“No, not yet!” He shakes his head before turning to you. “Man, you won the lottery or something like, ah? Miguel Galindo, a pleasure”.

The boss Cartel holds your hand, pressing his lips on the back.

“Finally we meet”. He says then.

“Yeah, ahm... (Y/N), a pleasure too. Nestor talks a lot about you”. You reply with a kindly smile on your lips. 

“I hope only good things”.

“I actually told her you're a pain in the ass”.

“My father used to say the same, but here I am!” He laughs. And you're sure he's a little drunk. “Let's have a drink. I'm gonna introduce you to my lovely wife”.

You nod whilst Nestor tangles your fingers with yours, leaving a kiss on your cheek. It isn't that bad as you thought. Till a blonde woman hugs your man so dearly that makes you feel jealous. Just a little. 

“Hi! I'm Emily!” Now, you feel stupid when she hugs you too so happy to meet you. “So you're the one who stole Nestor' heart... I understand him”.

“Yes, more or less”. You chuckles, supporting your temple against his shoulder for a second.

“She's my wife”. Miguel says then, giving her a gently kiss.

“Come with me, it's kinda boring when they talk about business, even if they're not working”. Poisoned words covered by a friendly smile.

The woman grabs your hand, saying ‘bye’ with the other whilst she walks towards the swimming pool outside, having a seat on the garden sofa. Your gaze is traveling all around the place, really surprised about how huge the house is. You're sure you could get lost inside it. Miguel's wife serves you a glass of red wine, offering it with a smile.

“I was lookin' forward to meet you”. She says then.

“Yeah, me too. Nestor talks about you sometimes and I think we're similar”.

“Right? I told him!” You can't help but laugh cheering with both wines.

“It's good to have someone with I can complain about him”. Emily nods and laugh again because of your words.

“Yes... I feel you. Sometimes Miguel drives me crazy and not in the way I would enjoy it”. She says rolling his eyes and rubbing his forearm. “By the way, your dress is amazing. Where did you buy it?”

“Oh, ahm... My mom did it. It's her job”. You answer looking down for a second, before have a sip of the wine. “Don't you... think is ‘too much’? I was nervous about meeting ‘Nestor brother’”.

“What? Oh, no, no. It's perfect. And about my husband, you don't have to worry about. He gives an impression that it really is not”.

┅┅ ┅ ┅ ┅┅

You're not sure how much time has passed by, nor how much wine you have drunk talking with Emily between laughs and complainings, when both men going outside have a seat next to you two.

“Having fun, uh?” Miguel asks with a raised eyebrow.

“Yep”. You nod, looking at your boyfriend with a goofy smile.

“I need to talk' you”. He whispers on your ear, making feel nervous from nowhere. He looks serious and it's not a good omen.

So, leaving your glass on the table and getting up holding his arm, you say goodbye for a few minutes. Crossing the big door to inside, you walk through the assistants worried and thinking that maybe Miguel said something about you. Now, you're about to cry making your own guesses in silence. Going upstairs, Nestor opens the door of a bathroom letting you come in.

“It's... everything ok? I'm sorry if I said som—”.

Before you're allowed to finish the sentence, he kisses you. You breathe heavy surrounding his neck with both arms, while he pushes you to the counter lifting you on.

“You scared me, asshole...” You grumble against his mouth.

“Yea', I know, it was kinda fun...” He laughs raising the skirt of your dress, nailing his hands tightly on your skin, touring your thighs till he finds the waistband of your panties.

“Nestor, they will hear us”. You try to say, with your hands moving faster to unzip the black pants of the suit.

“That's the game, babe. You have to be silent”. You know you can't. Not with him. Your boyfriend knows every weak point of your body, and how to push you to the sky. “Shit... It's 'cause you look so fuckin' hot I can't control myself”.

His lips travel to your neck, biting and sucking your skin being careful to not draw any bruise on it. You know how passionate he can be sometimes, and you always enjoy it, but you're ashamed of thinking that someone could hear you. He doesn't care. Not at all. And he's pretty hard when he spreads your legs to place his body into them.

“Let's see if you can be silent”. Nestor says challenging you with his gaze, pounding you with all his strength.

You're faster, covering your mouth with a hand and closing hard your eyes, containing a loud moan. You wrap his waist with both legs, pushing him deeper hitting your wetness once and again with the same pressure.

“Shit, babe... I love your pussy... It's so fuckin' tight, so fuckin' damp, my love...”. He gasps on your ear, drowning there his own growls.

“It's all yours, papi”. You say then, looking for his lips to sink your tongue between them till you find his.

It's a easy way to drown your moans and your curses, with every stroke making you squirm on his arms. The kiss goes filthy and rampant, heating your whole body and bristling your skin. You love him. So much. And even if sex it's not more important than that, he makes you feel you're in heaven with every hit rubbing your clit. The only thing you expect is that he doesn't ruin your outfit or it's gonna be even more embarrassing.

“Fuc'me harder, Nestor...” You beg almost huffing, knowing that you're close.

Wrapping tightly your legs and pushing him into you when he pounds you, drowning all your moans with your face sink on his neck, your boyfriend takes it as a command. He doesn't stop and he's not gonna do it till make you cum on his hard cock, making him feel proud to please you.

“My baby girl...” He groans chuckling, biting his neck softly as you can keep silent when you hear some steps outside walking closer.

You have to cover your mouth at the exact moment your body find the ecstasy, with his name stuck in your lips. It feels amazing. You kiss him, silencing some sobs of pleasure before he pull himself out, complaining about it.

“Kneel, my love”. He asks you, helping you to go down as he wants.

With a naughty smile on your face and letting him place his hands on your head, you leave a long lick with the toe of your tongue all over his cock, covered by your own taste. He pushes it into your mouth, groaning because of your warm breath wrapping his hardness. Nestor sets the pace, fucking your mouth with his head tilted back slightly. He thrusts your throat, keeping his glans pressing it for a second, before continue hitting it.

“You're like a fuckin' fantasy, holy fuck...” He mutters as he can, trying not to talk loud.

He fills your mouth without expecting, with a soft contained growl whilst you swallow without him asking for it. Your tongue runs all over his size, enjoying every gesture of his face, when he can't handle anything else. Nestor helps you to get up, before clean yourself and getting your clothes well on. He kisses you again more dearly, with his fingers caressing your back so lovely that makes you sigh.

“'Am not gonna do it now, but... wanna know what Mikey said 'bout you?” He asks then, from nowhere interrupting the needy kiss. You're not sure if you want to know it. “That I should marry you”.

Your heart stops for a second, pursing your lips because of the surprise.

“Would you like, uh? I mean, I'm not proposing you. Not now. That should be more special, than do it after fucking you in my boss' bathroom”. You laugh in silence, shaking your head full of lively.

“Yes, I would like”. You answers then, putting his tie on and smoothing the shirt with both hands.

“‘K, I'll keep it in mind”.

[funky-birb]

So I was tagged by @fleurdemalheur  you will now learn that song asks are my nightmare lmao <3 But ily thank you for this, it actually put me in a really good mood! I’m going to have to check Phoebe Bridgers then ;)

TBH if you don’t know what to do check these out, lots of different things, you might like some <3

Your favourite album: Ok, brace yourselves, I can’t for the life of me pick things, here’s a list : 

Louise Attaque (Louise Attaque) 

Selah sue (Selah Sue)

Asa (Asha)

Joyful (Ayo)

Je dis aime (M)

Divinydille (Vanessa Paradis)

Psychostar world (Kamini)

Welcome to jamrock (Damian Marley)

Can you tell I’ve been listening to the same things for like... an eternity yet?

Your favourite song at the moment: So i’ve been listening to those a lot :

Zenit (Onuka)

Ilomilo (Billie Eilish)

Revenge (Joyner Lucas)

Venom (Little simz)

Final Form (Sampa the great)

QUEEN (Janelle Monae)

Can you feel my heart (Bring me the horizon) -> I’m emo sometimes.

囂張 (盧凱彤)

Pretty face (Soley)

我的新衣/My New Swag (Vava)

If I die tonight (KOHH)

貧乏なんて気にしない (KOHH)

Gonna need a grave (Urban Country)

Run for a long time (Blue Saraceno)

Hunnu Guren (Batzorig Vaanchig) -> I like throat singing.

Fee Ra Huri (Omnia)

Needed me (Rihanna)

Gett off (Prince) -> Y’all thought I wouldn’t put my main star on there? Y’all thought wrong.

Special (Ashnikko) -> First bc i thought it was stupid but now i’m a clown.

Trop Beau (Lomepal)

Եթե Կարող Ես (Սրբուկ) -> Am I droping armenian pop everywhere? Maybe. 

Na na na (Սրբուկ)

Թամզարա (Սրբուկ) -> Can you guys tell i’ve been listening to Srbuk?

Bâtard Sensible (TTC) -> Idk what to tell you guys.

Grita (Jarabe de Pablo)

Snow (Hey oh) (RHCP)

Love is a bitch (Two feet)

Would that I (Hozier)

I’m just dropping a weirdass playlist alright? I just checked my history. 

An album that’s important to you:  Ok maybe I lied, I can pick one :

Diamonds on the inside (Ben Harper) 

Songs that are important to you: Well here goes nothing :

Amen Omen (Ben Harper)

Soft Universe (Aurora) 

Down on my knees (Ayo) -> Reminds me of my mom

Jailer (Asa)

1-800-273-8255 (Logic)

素晴らしき日常 ( 高橋優 ) -> かずちゃんありがとう <3

Phoenix (K.A.A.N)

Body (Mother mother)

Arrache moi (Louise Attaque) 

Bleed it out (Linkin park)

Pain (Hollywood Undead)

Do it or die (Die mannequin)

Probably a lot of other songs but my mind is blank i had to go check my phone.I can’t remember shit lmao

What makes you like a song: The stronger the emotions i feel are when listening to it, the more i’ll like it I guess? I like those that make me want to just dance and go crazy alone at 3am, funky ones, i like those that are calm, just intrumental and those that are dramatic and make me feel sad too. I don’t really know. 

Your favourite instrument to hear in a song: Violins I think? Or old/traditionnal ones, like kamancha, duduk, zithers, morin khuur, bagpipes too i guess? I just really like hearing things... I like accordion too, and piano...LOOK, I DON’T KNOW

A song from my childhood: You know what? I’m just going to list artists, because my parents just left music on like all the time, I always have to ask because I don’t even remember most of the artists :

Cesaria Evora 

Tracy Chapman 

Prince 

Ben Harper 

Lhasa de Sela

Buju Banton

Capleton

Bob and Damian Marley

M

Lauryn Hill

Amy Winehouse

Nujabes

Tété

A song to dance to: So we’ve established that i can’t pick songs. I don’t even know most of the artists and you know what, screw it. Here’s a list :

When it’s like 3am and I decide to get drunk and dance :

Get down on saturday night (Oliver Cheatham)

And the beat goes on (The whispers)

Let’s groove (Earth, wind & fire)

Act Like you know (Fat Larry’s band)

Video killed the radio star (The buggles)

Boogie wonderland (Earth, wind & fire)

Toxic (Britney Spears)

Voulez vous (ABBA)

Edge of seventeen (Stevie Nicks)

Move your feet (Junior Senior)

I want to break free (QUEEN)

Sexy Dancer  (Prince)

Zyn zyn (Zhonti)

When I just ??? (Horny power trip probably drunk too songs??) :

Gasolina (You know :))))))

Who dem (Capleton)

That bih (Qveen Herby)

Lick it (She & go_des)

Box (Siya)

Ba na na (A tribe called red)

Raingurl (Yaeji)

Murder she wrote (Chaka Demus & pliers)

Sentient (Perturbator)

Deep throat (Cupcakke)

And lots of mix i can’t name ?

A song you love lyrically: Guess what? You’re getting a list boo :

Chevalier (Kamini)

Emma Stanton (Tété)

Ton Absence (Tété)

Onde Sensuelle (M)

Nuit Blanche (Renan Luce)

Le déni (Kamini)

Ovni (Kamini)

Schizophrène (Kamini) -> Donc j’aime bien kamini, ça va?

Warrior (Aurora)

I’ll tag :  @maman-ours @prayfordream @vvrathb @scavengerridley @queen-of-edolas @rookieofthedecade @milliondollarboobtoucher 

[smolbeandrabbles]

Diligence: Moderation - Gerry x Reader (Mississippi Grind)

🎉 YOU ARE FINALLY OUT OF MY DRAFTS GERRY!!! FINALLY!!! 🎉

Author’s Note: Requested by @sufferthesea ❤😘 And... I’m so so so so so SO sorry it’s taken me so long! Considering you requested as soon as I opened them up!

OH GOD! How dare you make me chose between Gerry and Danny this song is just SO GOOD for both of them depending on how you interpret it. But... This is where we’ve ended up..! I hope you enjoy my decision! 💙💜🙊

I couldn’t have done this without @3134045126 - I wrote 800 words of this when it was requested and... it stayed at 800 words. Because I wasn’t feeling it. Thanks to discussions with her she inspired a brand new idea (and much happier I gotta say!) and this was born. Although, I’m not gonna lie, it took me a while and life experience to put it down on paper Considering the sweet Sufferthesea sent this to me as a song: Moderation by Florence + the Machine should probably be the place you go first...!

Disclaimer: Mississippi Grind (& associated characters!) not mine! Lyrics (and song idea!) also not mine!

Premise: Having sworn himself off Gambling his life away... Gerry needs something new to fixate on... Words: 2889

Warnings: Angst (my old friend!) / 

Want me to love you in moderation Do I look moderate to you? Sip it slowly and pay attention I just have to see it through You got me looking for validation Passion's new Want me to love you in moderation Well, who do you think you're talking to?

And little girl, who do you think you are? You think you need it, you think you want love You wouldn't want it if you knew what it was

I've never made it with moderation No, I've never understood All the feeling was all or nothing And I took everything I could Can't hold it back, I can't take the tension Oh, I'm trying to be good

I don't see the worth And I'm still try'na figure out if it Always, always, always has to hurt

---

noun

     1. careful and persistent work or effort.      2. the avoidance of excess or extremes, especially in one's behaviour or         political opinions

Gerry was obsessed. When wasn’t he? Obsessed with the game. With winning. With that hit gambling gave. He hadn’t known that kind of rush, been able to get that kind of fix from anything else. But he had promised… Curtis, his daughter... himself that he was done. That this time cleaning up his life really meant just that. There was only one problem. YOU. All that nervous energy, that need to obsess and want something so badly... that kick... he’d poured it all into you.

You didn’t know this yet. In fact he’d barely worked up the courage to talk to you yet. He liked that. The almost. Every conversation you had had been initiated by yourself - short, sweet... everything her craved... and yet never long enough. He would sit in the corner of the cafe you worked in and just watch you. He felt a little safer sitting all the way back here; like he could deny he was doing what he was doing. But he did it often enough for you to one day ask if he had an office that he could work from. Whereupon he blushed and looked to the table with a nervous giggle; “I guess so...”

Trouble was, he was never productive in the office... because he could only think of you. Whenever he had to go back to showing people around houses he would make sure to stop by for a coffee either on the way or on the way back; just so he could see you. You’d become accustomed to this routine so much that you had his order ready for him the second you saw his car pull up in the lot. But he’d always make sure to stop and talk to you for a little while, even when he knew he was running slightly late.

The worst days were when you weren’t working. Or on occasion you would swap tables with someone else, and suddenly he wasn’t waited on by you.  That felt as bad as losing did. Only he supposed he wasn’t losing money; so it should have been better. The problem was it toyed with his emotions, so it felt worse. Sometimes you would catch his eye and smile even when you weren’t waiting him. And he liked that.  You loved the smile he gave back too; his pretty blue eyes, the sweaters sometimes you wished you could wrap yourself up in. It was a strange thing to think about someone you barely knew. But you thought it all the same.

Gerry didn’t like it when you turned that smile on someone else; because sometimes he felt that it was just for him. But, what if it wasn’t? What if every joking comment you made him wasn’t cute and flirty? What if it was something you just did? Because you were kind and gentle... not because you might actually like him. What if you didn’t really notice him at all? Sometimes you were so busy you didn’t even acknowledge him, and then that hurt even more. Because what if everything else was just because of circumstance? What if he didn’t really matter to you at all...?

He guessed he could walk away at any time, and nothing was keeping him coming back. But Gerry couldn’t walk away without knowing. He had to know. That was like walking away from a table... you can’t walk away when the odds could still swing in your favour (not that they did that often in Gerry’s experience, but there was always that chance), even if the game is over there’s still an opportunity to play one more round. Although, the point was he was trying not to play games here. But you... made them so hard to resist. But the tables so easy to leave...

 So he started staying on your shifts until closing. And because this was both new and something that you’d witnessed on 5 consecutive evenings, you started to worry. For him, and for his intentions; “Gerry... you know this is the fifth time you’ve stayed this week right? Is everything okay?” “Yeah... Yeah... everything’s fine...” He slid his laptop closed and looked to you; that same utterly adorable smile you couldn’t help but fall for. “Are you sure? Will you be here tomorrow night too? I’m worried...” “Oh you... don’t need to worry about me...” He bit his lip and looked away from you “Can I, uh... get one more coffee?” “Coffee?” You repeated slowly “at this time of day?” “Mm hm.” You sighed gently; “Okay. Sure... but then you gotta leave... it’s past closing time and I gotta get home...” “W...Well why don’t you have one with me?” It was about the most confident thing he’d said “No...” Ouch-! “I’m okay... but... that’s sweet, thank you...” “Well then come sit with me...” “Gerry I gotta clear up...” you headed back to the counter “I’ll bring it over though.” “No-! That’s okay I can come sit up by you.” He stood “Gerry it’s okay I can..” you didn’t have the opportunity to finish by the time he was within inches of you. And even he realised that was a little too close. “Sorry...” He lowered those blue eyes to the floor and ran a hand through his hair, bashful. You searched his face for a minute; what was going on with him? “Are you sure you’re okay?” “Y-Yeah... Everything is fine...” he flushed and you got the picture; everything was both fine and far from fine... and that was your fault.

You shook your head and took his hands in yours; which snapped his eyes immediately back to yours; “Come on… Sit down… I’ll get you a drink…” Gerry sat tentatively at the bar, tapping his fingers nervously on the surface; “You sure you want coffee? You look like you could use something a little stronger…” You pulled down a mug and set about making something for him. You had just the thing. “…Why, do you have anything stronger-?!” You laughed to yourself; “Noooo…! Why, what’s your poison?” “Oh, uh… Woodford is pretty good.” “Bourbon-!?” You turned and studied him for a minute “Mmm… I can see that…” You finished mixing your concoction and placed it in front of him; “Oh. Is that hot chocolate?” “Mmm hmmm.” You leant on the counter with a smile; “You look like you need it.” “Thank you…” His voice was so gentle and again his look away from you was shy. You felt you could both be skipping around feelings here. And yet both of you were apparently okay with doing this…

“Gerry…” Your voice was soft and calm, “You had me real worried for a minute…” He attempted to take a sip but it turned into a gulp and the too hot liquid burned, making him wince; “…Oh…?” You leant on your hands and tilted your head; “What’s wrong… Tell me what’s wrong…” He laughed, but it wasn’t genuine “What isn’t wrong.” He turned away from you for a minute “…I dunno… Maybe you should just ignore me… Maybe its nothing…” “Gerry…” You were gentle again, placing a hand on his arm “Talk to me… Is it me? It kinda feels like it’s me…” Maybe you should bite the bullet on this one. Maybe you had done something without realising, or maybe he was just reading into something too much. “No… You? You’re kidding… It’s just I…”He shook his head; removed your hand from his arm, but, kept it in his own “I am NO good for you…” It felt like rejection. It was painful. Even though you know he’d meant it to warn you away. Even though he’d not actually told you that he had any feelings for you yet he clearly did; you wondered if he’d even realised he’d not outright said it “Gerry… Do you have a crush on me?”

He opened his mouth and then hesitated; had he not already… made that obvious? Wait, no, he hadn’t yet told you-!? SHOOT! He began tripping on words; his heart screaming at him to say yes; but the temptation to deny it too great. You hushed him gently; “Sweetie, calm down… It’s okay…I don’t mind…” “You should…!!” Gerry slipped his hand from yours, looking like he’d just said a million things he wished he hadn’t “I’m no good for anyone…” He twisted back to the bar and picked up his mug again. “Why?” You leant back on your hands; “I think you’re kinda cute.” “W-“ He paused and looked at you uncertainly for a minute; “You do?” You nodded “Mmm hmmm… But now I completely understand why you watch me so much…” “You noticed-!?” pink dusted his cheeks, making you giggle; “Yeah, I noticed…” He tilted his head; you were suddenly unfathomable, and he had to let you know that; “…But you… I don’t get it… I don’t think I understand… you…” You raised an eyebrow “Why?” He shifted in his seat, almost nervously “Because… You… Somehow you make me want to keep straight… And… it’s not fair on you for me to-” “Gerry, hold on a second… Me?! I… Me?!” You weren’t exactly sure how to react to that. Seconds ago he’d basically been telling you the reasons you shouldn’t want to love him. Now he was telling you that because he had feelings for you; that he was trying to be a better person for you, he was sitting at your tables, and not gambling tables.  It wasn’t like you could help that you had fallen for him. It hadn’t exactly been something you’d had control over.

“Y/N…” He laced his free hand with yours, leaning closer to you he lowered his voice “…I can’t… DO things in half measures…” His eyes flicked to several of the tables “…I’m not. I’m not a moderate person. It’s intense… And I don’t think I can put you through a thing like that.” That sentence came with a promise. That his love would also contain no moderation. Was that not what love was about, though? Love wasn’t meant to be moderate? Was it? Wasn’t it meant to be a no-holds-barred thrill ride? Intensity… That was a whole part of it wasn’t it? He almost laughed; “You’re gonna get nothing but trouble…” He grinned “I’m sure you’re not gonna put up with that more than once.” Finally he made you laugh “It just, sounds like you need some diligence.” “Oh- uh huh! And where do I get that.” You gave a gentle shrug; "Well, I mean I studied psychology..." you pushed yourself forward on your elbows "So maybe I can listen and help out..." "Like a therapist?" "Haha-! If you think a therapist would help you...! I'm not qualified though!"  you leant on your hands with a smile at the intrigue on his face; "I dunno, I think you'd be more than capable of... Listening to my problems... Though I don't know if I particularly want to burden you with them..." "Nonsense..." your next smile was encouraging "Besides, I like the sound of your voice..." There was that nervous, jumpy flicker across his face again. Cause and effect "Y- You do?" "Mmmm..."

So he began his story. Shortened considerably, he told you about his gambling habit, meeting his lucky charm, and setting out across the Mississippi, culminating in winning a hell of a lot of money... But also his constant fear that he'd not be able to resist the pull back. But you realised, as he talked, and as he hinted, and his eyes almost pleaded with you to understand, Gerry had a new pull now. And it was the reason he was always here. Not moderate indeed. It bordered fixation... But healthier than his other one. Still, he'd also sat here and tried to give you a bunch of warnings. Self-deprecating warnings that would impede his goal. Just like gambling... With his feelings not his money... Could you date a man like that? Could you let yourself pass up this chance? That was just as big a question. He hadn't asked it of you yet, but it was hanging in the air. That he could get those words out. That he could really confess. Maybe that would be a gamble too far... You wish you could tell him it would be worth it. Part of you didn't want to influence this. If it became something more would all that energy be poured into your relationship? Into love for you? Or would that obsession grow too much... Or manifest itself elsewhere?

* 

It was long after closing by the time you both even had the inclination to look at the time. "Oh my god! D-did you have to be anywhere?" Gerry looked slightly horrified that he'd kept you, even though you had told him one more drink and he had to be gone. Considering how closely you had watched him drink it, he must have finished hours ago. You chuckled, "Nowhere more important than here... " "But somewhere-!?" "Doesn’t matter now, does it. Gerry don't worry about it. I'm happy I got to spend time here with you." His smile was bashful and you liked that, he was just so cute. "Thank you... It was good spending time with you too..." He slid off the bar stool and collected his things; "Guess I might be back tomorrow... Anyway?" You laughed, rounding the bar to him; "Ahhh-! You’ll be disappointed I don't work again until Thursday." "What-!? What am I gonna do for 3 days-!" Although he said it jokingly, and then laughed "Well, it's good you have some days off you deserve it... Guess I might see you Thursday then." "Oh," you gave him a sweet smile "I'm counting on it..." There was that blush again, and this time when he bit his lips together he couldn’t stop himself from smiling. And this time it was you who was making that gap too small; but it was comfortable now, there was no too close about it. The first move became all yours as you wrapped your arms around him; he tensed and jumped all at once – even though you moved slow – to feel your embrace like this. You tried not to giggle into his shoulder as he dropped his bag; holding him there as you snuggled into him. If you’d imagined it even half as much as you thought you had – it was just as good in real life. Hesitantly he moved his arms around under yours; and soon they were wound around you. That only made you pull him closer – revelling in the warmth of his body against yours. And if that was the way you were feeling... If Gerry’s heart was anything to go by, and you could feel it here… Everything was blank – his brain and his heart. Although his heart was beating on overdrive and it felt as good as knowing he was just about to deal the winning hand. He simultaneously wanted to push you away and pull you desperately closer and never let go. And oh, OH, it felt so good-! It was only when you ran your hands into his hair that he let out a noise; somewhere between a soft sigh and a whine it was barely audible but it was there as he melted into you. “It’s okay…” You murmured it; “It’s all going to be okay…”

 You let him go far too soon, and you both knew it. And that proximity left heat in both your cheeks. Your head was rushing and you thought for a moment that your idea maybe wasn't such a great one... You walked him to the door, slowly. It’d already been about half an hour since he'd said he better leave. It didn't matter to you, now you wanted to spend as much time with him as possible. "So..." Gerry turned at the door, stepping down and out into the street "Thursday? I'll be here..." You nodded "I hope so...!" He smiled and began walking away but you took his hand and pulled him back "Gerry, wait..." you held him there for a minute; and he couldn't help but entwine his fingers with yours - it was instinctive... Something he ached for. "Call me...." This time he just let himself smile at the piece of paper he could feel transferring from your hand to his; “…if you ever need some diligence…” “Call you?” “I’d like a little moderation myself.” You gave a wink as you unlaced your fingers from his and folded your arms “Maybe we can figure this one out together?” He smile turned into a grin and he laughed, truly laughed “I’d… like that a lot.” “Good, cuz I don’t know who else is going to take care of you. But I better be making sure someone does it.” That had him looking away from you again, but the blue in his eyes was considerably brighter this time; “Thank you…” You stood in the doorway of the café watching him leave, and he turned back to wave as he stepped into his car, making you smile and offer him one back; Oh, Gerry…  you shook your head, loving the way you could now feel your heart beating, because he had done that… Warning or no, I want the chance to love you anyway…

---

THANK YOU FOR REQUESTING! And oh my god, once again I’m so sorry this took an age! I hope he was worth the wait 😘😘

3 Virtues down! 💜💙

@multifandom-writings - Appropriate as you asked for him!

@dennismitchell @krnncsbtch @happyskywhale #MendoTagSquad.

[hte-spagheti]

every single one of the roaring 20s asks

ajfjshfdskj ok 

1. Are you more emo, scene or punk? liek 70% scene 20% emo 10% punk

2. Favourite band? MCR gerard way transes my gender :)

3. Any New Year’s resolutions? no lol 

4. Favourite music video? hmm maybe im not ok i just dig tha vibes

5. Favourite song? nyall can choose 1 fav song??? out of all tha songs that exist??????

6. Panic! At The Disco or Fall Out Boy? no lol

7. Favourite album? re songs idk sdjfjfgjshkdfs 

8. Do you own a pair of fingerless gloves or skeleton gloves (or the combination)? YA i hav red n black striped fingerless gloves and i hav skeleton gloves somewhere but idk where they went :(

9. Do you own any band merch? If so, from what bands? i hav 2 mcr shirts n a mcr wristband and 6 kandi singles x3 (1 just says mcr n 1 is conventional weapons n tha other 4 r 4 tha studio albums)

10. Got a jacket with pins? no i hav sum pins on my backpack tho

11. Have you got dyed hair? What colour? (copied frm other post) YA i just dyed it 2day its mostly purple rn n my coontails r just purple n blond

12. Any hair dying or haircut plans for 2020? im gonna grow it out again cuz i cut it all off recently also im thinking abt doing tha teal roots thing liek gerard way that 1 time cuz its epic

13. Crush on any band member? not liek Legitimately but *thinks abt ray toro shirtless pic*

14. Killjoy name? (copied frm other post) arsenic taurine cuz i amn just mad scientist aligned,,,,, arsenic is a poison n taurine is a monster energy ingredient :3

15. Are you into The Used? i dont think ive evr listened 2 them actually lawl 

16. Do you want any tattoos? Of what? idk ive been doing sum epic doodles n i think itd b kewl 2 hav sum tattooed on me but not anything liek legit rn 

17. Can you play any instruments? Which? no :pensive: i played violin 4 a while n i tried guitar liek 800 times but i nevr stuck w it its hard xD

18. Favourite My Chemical Romance song? see 5 xD

19. Do you think Twenty One Pilots are emo? NO ill kill them w my bare hands

20. Are you into Taking Back Sunday? no same as 15

21. Do you wear any make up? a little sumtimes,,, mostly smeared black pencil eyeliner or liek goffic drippy eyeliner yknow or green clown triangles :)

22. Do you have black painted nails? not atm but sumtimes ya!!

23. Have you got any band posters? Of what bands? no i hav liek no wall space its sceniephobia

24. Do you want any piercings? ya i wuz thinking abt canine bites when i get my braces off cuz itd b epic

25. What’s your opinion on All Time Low? Sleeping With Sirens? Pierce The Veil? ive listened 2 them a little but i dont rlly liek them that much tbh im in2 unbearably edgy lyrics (liek mcr n snow whites poison bite) or painful autotune (liek subscene n scene kidz)

26. Do you think it’s just a phase or that you’ll be emo/punk\scene forever? ill b at least a little edgy 5evr i know that cuz ive been at least a little edgy my whole life xD

27. Favourite magical/mythical creature? idk?? 

28. Are you into Black Veil Brides? see 25

29. Do you like any newer emo/scene/punk bands? Which? does ayesha erotica count?? also sum bandcamp scenecore edm

30. What’s your favourite music genre besides emo/punk\scene? 80s punk, Just Weird Stuff (aka lemon demon n oingo boingo) and dorian electra Nothing Else

31. Are you into Mindless Self Indulgence? no they say a whole buncha slurs all tha time

32. Favourite Fall Out Boy song? none lol

33. Are you mostly into the so-called “emo trinity” or “emo quartet” or do you listen to a lot of other bands too? EMO TRINITY SHUT THA FUCK UP mcr is worlds better than those othr bitches ill legit attack any1 who evr says 1 word abt any alleged “””””emo quartet””””” 21p SUX in this house we listen 2 mcr and NOTHING ELSE

34. What’s your opinion on Waterparks? Palaye Royale? I DONT KNOW HOW BUT THEY FOUND ME? ive only vaguely heard of idkhow but they dont rlly seem emo liek at all

35. Are you into Bring Me The Horizon? re 15

36. Favourite solo project by a emo/scene\punk band member? LEATHERMOUTH 1 frank iero owns my uwus 2 literally iconic of him to write president and get on tha fbi watchlist xD

37. Are any of your friends IRL emo/scene\punk? i dont rlly hav irl friends LOLZ :,)

38. Are you into drawing? If so, show some of your art! YA its all @owo-owo-nya

39. Favourite colours and colour schemes? neons ESP yellow n pink :) i just think its neat

40. What are some of your favourite lyrics? all of them asdkgfhsflg,,,,, rlly i cant think idk 

41. The Black Parade or Three Cheers For Sweet Revenge? 3 CHEERS im liek totally a revenge bitch 

42. What’s your opinion on Paramore? Green Day? Blink-182? 1 heard tha gal wuz kinda racist 2 its p good ig but hes said tha r slur twice 3 major emphasis on tha pop in pop punk idk i dont rlly liek them

[wyattvsmusic]

Logic - Confessions Of A Dangerous Mind ALBUM REVIEW

There is really no denying that Logic can rap his ass off. Even though people hate on him, he still can rap circles around most rappers. Logic has put out a project every year since 2010 and last year, he put out 2. Bobby Tarantino II consisted of some fantastic bangers and a ton of filler which was how I felt about the first one as well. The second Logic project of 2018 was his 4th installment in the Young Sinatra series, YSIV. I loved that album and I still think it’s the best thing he’s dropped since The Incredible True Story. On the song Everybody Dies, Logic said that he was sitting on 5 unreleased albums. One of those albums ended up being the soundtrack to his new novel, Supermarket. Although I have reviewed every Logic release since Under Pressure, I did not review the Supermarket soundtrack because I didn’t read the book that it is supposed to go along with it and I also really don’t care for the indie pop/rock sound that he was going for. I really disliked it but I feel like I couldn’t give it a fair review. Anyway, Logic is back with a rap album and it hurts me to say I’m pretty disappointed. I have many criticisms but there are a few songs I really do love. The first track didn’t set the tone but it was a really fantastic track about how social media has affected Logic’s well-being. It sounded like it was a really important track for him to make. The next song was the single Homicide with EMINEM. Before I heard it, I was worried because it could either be super poppy or they could just kill it with the bars. On this track, both Logic and Eminem really showed up to rap. Both of them were really flowing and I’d say Logic had the upper hand in flow. Both of them had great verses but the most negative thing I have to say is that Logic criticizes the content of mainstream rap but he uses that same content later in the album. Aside from that, I love that song and it’s exactly what I wanted from a Logic and Eminem collab. Mama / Show Love sounded like some tough Bobby Tarantino and that song really does hit hard. YBN Cordae is featured on the song and he is nice. His verse was really good. On the second half, Show Love, Logic shouts out some rappers which reminded me of when Phonte did that last year on Find That Love Again. The song, Pardon My Ego, has such a dope beat and I like the hook a lot. Logic was really rapping and this was one of the better hype songs on the album. One of the other hard hitting songs on this album is the single, Keanu Reeves. I love this song and I the one-liners. My favorite is: “When them soccer moms pull up in they van while I ride / Like, "Oh my God, children, it's the 1-800 guy / But my doors suicide.” The song BOBBY does an amazing job of sampling Sister Nancy’s Bam Bam, which was been sampled so many times but never made into a ridiculous trap beat. The hook is reminiscent of his songs Contra and Warm It Up. One of my favorite tracks on this entire album is the last song, Lost In Translation. This is Logic’s best lyrical moment on the album it really gave me vibes from The Incredible True Story. I love the songs I listed and I definitely plan on returning to them but some of these songs I never want to hear again. Wannabe was such a painful minute and 19 seconds to listen to. Clickbait’s hook sucked, Logic’s cadence was so annoying and his rapping was subpar. I understand the point of the song but I didn’t care for it. Nothing on this album was worse than COMMANDO. G-Eazy is one of those rappers I really don’t like one bit and he contributed nothing to the song. The hook on Cocaine sucked really bad and the beat was pretty mediocre too. Logic’s rapping on this song let me down so much. I didn’t like Don’t Afraid To Be Different from the minute it started and Will Smith made it worse. I never cared much for Will Smith as a rapper anyway. There were some songs that I didn’t love but they weren’t bad (Out Of Sight and Limitless). The Gucci Mane feature on Icy was good and I didn’t hate the song. The hook reminded me of Kendrick Lamar’s hooks on PRIDE. and untitled 02. Ballin from Welcome To Forever is one of my favorite Logic songs and the song Still Ballin with Wiz Khalifa doesn’t hold a flame to the original but I didn’t hate the song. I do think Logic has a good ear for production but most of these beats with the exception of a few sounded the same. This was my criticism of both Bobby Tarantino’s. I honestly think I would’ve understood this album more if he called it Bobby Tarantino 3 because it sounds so much like it. Logic teased this album a few months ago, saying it was “Bobby Tarantino meets Under Pressure” but that Under Pressure sound is nowhere to be found on this album. What’s crazy is that even the hardcore fans that love everything Logic does tore this album apart and disliked it more than I did. They were trying to make theories as excuses to why it sounds the way it does, so that should definitely say something about this album. This album is disappointing but I’m still a Logic fan and I will return to the songs I like but not the rest.

Fav Tracks: Confessions Of A Dangerous Mind, Homicide, Pardon My Ego, Keanu Reeves, BOBBY, Lost In Translation

[jswdmb1]

Feelin’ Alright?

“You feelin' alright?

I'm not feelin' too good myself”

- Traffic

Fell On Black Days

“I'm a search light soul they say

But I can't see it in the night”

- Soundgarden

Wake Me Up When September Ends

“Here comes the rain again

Falling from the stars

Drenched in my pain again”

- Green Day

A Little Bit of Everything

“It's not some message written in the dark,

Or some truth that no one's seen,

It's a little bit of everything.”

- Dawes

While My Guitar Gently Weeps

“I don't know why nobody told you

How to unfold your love”

- George Harrison

Such A Simple Thing

“Tell me what you're feeling

I can take the pain”

- Ray LaMontagne

Bridge Over Troubled Water

“I'm on your side, oh,

when times get rough

and friends just can't be found”

- Simon & Garfunkel

That’s The Way Love Is

“No one knows how this feeling goes

It's hard to believe”

- Poi Dog Pondering

Everybody Hurts

“If you think you've had too much of this life

Well, hang on”

- REM

Have A Little Faith In Me

“I will catch your fall baby

Just have a little faith in me”

- John Haitt

National Suicide Prevention Week begins on Sunday, and no pictures or words I could write better sum up my feelings than those from my friends above. Songwriters sure are a barrel of laughs, huh? I guess that is what makes them so good at what they do. Most of the great songs aren’t about very happy things, so I guess it makes sense that there is no shortage of lyrics about sadness. You’ll notice, though, that a lot of songs focus on hope, and I have included some of those too. Because that is the message I really want to send.

Before we go any further, if you have stumbled onto this blog while experiencing a crisis, stop and please call the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 1-800-273-TALK (8255) immediately. You can also contact the Crisis Text Line by texting TALK to 741741. Opening the lines of communication is always going to be the first step towards relief and there are no better people to listen than the kind and brave souls working the hotline.

Now, if you are here just out of curiosity, or maybe you are depressed yourself, my message is the same - communicate. This is best done with the people closest to you. It doesn’t have to be a big thing. Just ask someone how they are doing and really listen to the answer. Don’t accept a “fine” or “ok” answer unless you really believe it. Even if that first attempt fizzles, keep trying. Even if you don’t suspect anything wrong, still check in with those you love and care about. Nothing should ever be taken for granted in this life, and a simple bit of contact could make all of the difference.

If you are on the receiving end of one of these queries, allow that person’s compassion to enter your life. I know it is hard, and you may be mired in the depths of a bad place, but try to recognize the gift you are being given. Not just of your own life, but the life you share with others. Do your best to open your mind and heart to accept the love that so many of us have but can’t see through the haze of our moods.

I am not suggesting one conversation will tip the scales, but it is a positive move towards life and away from the alternative. In recognition of the week coming up, let’s all pledge to having at least one of these conversations with someone we care about. It doesn’t matter which side of the discussion you are on, just take the time to connect with those who matter most.

I think a lot of the problems in this world right now are due to a failure to communicate honestly and sincerely with one another. We may not be able to solve all our problems with a simple chat, but I think it can help with the most important one - the well being of ourselves and those close to us. It seems so simple and yet so hard, but I say let’s give it a try. It costs nothing to do and it could just surprise you at how big a reward there is in helping somebody. It also might just save a life.

As always, I am grateful for those who stop by this blog and indulge my need to be heard. We may not be able to speak directly, but you are a great source of comfort and inspiration and I thank you for that from the bottom of my heart.

Peace and have a wonderful weekend.

- Jim

[kerryanndunn]

I’ve been crying on and off all day thinking about Scott Hutchison and the sadness and pain that took hold of him until he couldn’t go on. I’ve been listening to his music and so many of the lyrics have profoundly different meanings now. It’s always been there, his pain and sadness. But also hope and love. Go listen to The Modern Leper and have a good cry. And if you are feeling suicidal, please call someone. Message someone. Call the Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 1-800-273-8255. We want you to live. I want you to live. I wanted Scott to live.

Be kind. Love one another.

[suckitsurveys]

1. Do your parents ever encourage you to hang out with people that you don’t like? Not really, no.

2. Would you think it was odd if someone got fabric paint to decorate their underwear? You do you?

3. Do you ever stalk old friends? I wouldn’t call it stalk. Facebook is there to be looked at :P

4. What year was your worst school picture taken? Eh.

5. What made it the worst? I never really thought any of my school pictures were that horrible tbh. 

6. Do you think you could count all the freckles on your body? I don’t want to, but sure.

7. Do you ever crave a good cuddling? I do.

8. Which of your friends has the coolest siblings? My sister has the coolest sibling. ;)

9. Are you ever greedy? Sometimes yes.

10. How much would you pay someone if you never had to go to school again? I wouldn’t. i just wouldn’t go to school again?

11. Would you like to be home schooled? I’m 28 dude.

12. Would you like to go to an all girls [or if you’re a boy then all boys] school? Hi.

13. Why or why not? I never wanted to go to an all girls school because that’s dumb.

14. Is your school’s band any good? --

15. Do you have a favorite lyric from any song? Oh my god why is it so hard to think of these things when you’re asked about them?

16. Who is the biggest attention whore that you know? I hate that phrase.

17. Is your life no longer enjoyable? I’m enjoying it.

18. Did you get to see your friends as often as you would have liked to? What do you mean did? Like. I still see my friends?

19. Does orange sherbet sound good right now? Nah.

20. Would black hair look good or bad on you? I don’t know, it’s been pretty dark before but not completely black.

21. Are you on anyone’s hero box on myspace? MySpace is dead, but I don’t remember there being a hero box?? OH WAIT yeah I remember now. I think I was on Sarah’s or Lydia’s at one point.

22. Who has the biggest eyes that you know of? Me?

23. Do your wrists ever hurt from typing too much? Probably

24. What can you imagine as being the worst thing that could happen to you right now? Dying, probably.

25. How many times did you go swimming this summer? A bunch of times so far. I’m in a swim aerobics class so I go twice a week.

26. Have you ever been to a hard rock cafe? Yeah, the one in Chicago and then one in Indianapolis. 27. When was the last time someone called your cell-phone and you didn’t know them? Yesterday. It was a toll free call.

28. Do you hate it when people overuse the phrase ‘lol?’ Whatever.

29. Do you ever have those weird little dreams where you’re like half awake? Yeah, constantly.

30. Do you ever push your pillow off the bed? Not really.

31. What’s more important to you living it up or getting good grades? I’m not in school.

32. What do you think of little children? Annoying as hell or cute? Both.

33. Is there any song that makes you think of your dad? Hold on by Tom Waits. Plus like 800 others he plays on guitar/piano.

34. Do you ever look for comfort in surveys? I mean, sure. 

35. Do you like frogs? They’re cute.

36. Have you had any really bad experiences while plucking your eyebrows? Nope.

37. Who of your friends acts the most like a prep? Oh lord.

38. Is the whole prep thing overrated anyway? OH LORD.

39. What’s up with Fergie’s song Big Girls Don’t Cry? What do you mean?

40. Is it hard to stay friends with someone when one of your close friends hates them? I’m not 12.

41. Have you ever read The Outsiders? I have.

42. What did you think of it? I enjoyed it.

43. What does your backpack/messenger bag/whatever you use for school look like? I had a black backpack with red, yellow, blue, and green dinosaurs on it because I am an adult.

44. Where did you last go shopping at? Jewel-Osco, a grocery store.

45. Would it be weird if a person’s real name was Cheeto? Sure.

46. Is there anyone you want to give a hug to? I’m good for now.

47. What is the difference between giving and receiving a hug? Who initiates it, of course. 

48. What are you listening to right now? Nothing. I can hear the fan and AC going in this room and people dropping keys in the other room. (I’m at work).

49. Do any of your friends have the same name as any of your family members? Not that I can think of 50. Have you seen Talladega Nights? Nope.

51. If so what was your favorite scene in it? --

52. How often do you paint your nails? I try to get them done once a month. Waiting for mine to grow out now so I can get a no chip before my wedding.

53. Have you ever taken a picture of you kissing someone? Yes.

54. If you are one of those people who’s always single do you ever long for someone to sit around and take pictures of while kissing? --

55. Can I buy you a ‘drank?’ If you’ve got money in the bank.

56. If you know what song I’m referring to, why do you think T-Pain says drank and not drink? Oh my god.

57. How come boys never take surveys? How come people generalize genders?

58. What is the last thing you did on powerpoint? Oh god, I don’t know.

59. Do your grandparents know what myspace is? No.

60. When’s the last time you sprinted? Crossing the street earlier this morning because a car was coming faster than I judged.

[tranquilitybasehotelcasino]

honorable mentions: quotes that didnt make it into my recent "the signs as" post

but wAS THE DOCTOR NOrMAN BATES????? good evening, you dirty homestuck lmo i lunch what are you, a chump welcome to your tape i nominate cordy for bucket duty PENNSYLVANIAAAAAA you got me. i am a cute polyamorous fuck thats allergic to spice "Yahtzee" said Dave. "Oppan Gangnam Style," her brain said approvingly. "Bruh," said Terezi. 🐴esist "i ship it" bb said blankly. the score is now Cordy 826, Jacob Asshole. welcome to scenic Screwup City, population Allison Keith "fuck up", see under "shut the" at least we have memes to dull the pain of existence i once had a dream that the kid who played rico in hannah montana went to our school im allison, from gym class im karina, from hell imagine if all babies sounded like Cr1tikal i think i convinced my moms friend to name her son eridan gay love! bee communism, and robot communism for that matter, sleepless in seattle 2: electric boogaloo yknow i dont think nebraska exists ava and emma are pyromaniacs, more at 11 dont you >:3c at me young man how did you know chess the musical was a musical about chess i hate shakespeare but ive alrready sold my soul to the bard *someone sends me a video of a furry convention* this is cyberbullying okay ive wanted to do this for a while but guys i gotta come out to you im a communist and a lesbian but more importantly a communist "disgusting" beef cheek bernie will pierce me DIE COMMIE FUCKER kisses smorch is a valid fantroll name i sweater god sounds like something a daddy dom would say amelia have you ever heard of a wild concept called church and the redemption of sin my entire body is in tangible pain!!! n'y'all welcome to hellmurder island ill be your concierge LEEEEEEEEROY NJENKINS hatsune malfoy maybe the REAL horcruxes were the friends we made along the way *soccer mom voice* sorry marlene, you arent daddy material pumpkin party in sea hitler's water apocalypse: the real straight agenda I HAVE WEAK THUMBS, LIZZIE my name. is will SHAW. *accidentally flushed my pad down the toilet* well this has gone completely fucking pear shaped, looks like theres no other way outta it. youre going to have to decapitate m no but listen have you ever actually played russian roulette dave strider, hatsune miku, and vlad the impaler walk into a bar, brandon you chicken fried fuck chapter one; old man megido and the freezer of doom STEALING MY PHONE WONT CHANGE YOUR INCESTUOUS FEELINGS ANDREW *blasting metal crusher* fuck me mettaton hey cordy what happens if i snort pop rocks "you die" shit really fuck you and fuck your dog biscuits!! young man, are you suggesting we blackmail batman i identify as an anime character, i promise i am pikachu in my heart im a fucking winner! a winner!!!! oh shit its sans undertale OH SHIT ITS JOHN HOMESTUCK O H S H I T I T S D I P P E R G R A V I T Y F A L L S No Archive Warnings Apply: Aradia Megido/Aradia Megido fucking mc escher YOUVE MURDERED US BOTH, YOU SON OF A BITCH, IT SHOULD HAVE BEEN YOU *loudly humming megalovania* "please" sbear ov juddice shes fuckinh whispering the lyrics to funkytown in my ear *ievan polkka blasting* taste THIS rainbow! goddammit janet b-buddy? *dani california blasting* listen. have you ever seen 2001: a space odyssey? "no" okay watch it and tell me being in love with hal 9000 is wrong i warned you about the stairs bro, i told you dog IT JUST KEEPS HAPPENING ELLLLLLECTRIC LEMONNNNNNN *screaming* MARQUISE SPINNERET MINDFANG eat me, lizzie millican! mushroom dance, mushroom dance, whatever could it mean? "it means youve lived a life of sin" *loud and squeakily* aND EVERY TIME WE ToUC H— DOES ANYONE HAVE THE VIDEO OF ME SWALLOWING RUBBER "nah" ha! youre broke! why is beetlejuice mossy WRONG CHAT WRONG CHAT i am the left brain, i am the left brain work very hard till my inevitable death brain you got a job to do, you better do it right and the right way is with the left brains might I L I K E O R E O S A N D P U S S Y welcome to antisocials anonymous *angrily* tHIS is why youre nEVER GONNA BE STAGE MANAGER *someone sneezes* shut the fuck up your blood is like a venetian delicacy also send nudes DIDNT MEAN TO SEND THAT THOSE ARE MY MINECRAFT PANTIES YOU SON OF A BITCH we should all go to comic con as homeless people with aids "no, annick" ITS BETTER THAN UNDERTALE im so sorry mr strizzle "lance lance revolution" please watch less voltron im pretty sure thats called cystic fibrosis Annick DuChateau has changed her name to 4 Entire DQ Blizzards in a Trench Coat on the count of three everyone kinkshame karina thats gay charlotte!!!! thats gay!!!! "and his memes arent funny" HEY NOW babbay pullmd close rin the backerseart of yowizr rofetr WHERE ARE MY HEADPHONES IM GONNA TAKE BLEACH SHOTS i cant believe brandons a directioner "i cant believe jacks emo" cry me a table, linda *groping an undertale body pillow* kama sutra, siena *singing off key* oNE RinG to RULE THem aLL soak me in your finest milks daddy who is our messiah? ... mrs d'angelo (our science teacher) *brandishing a plastic horseshoe* take it back, fuckboy i hate the library. everyone hates the library. you know what? heres your three dollars. ill see you in hell every time you speak, i hear the sound it makes when pac-man dies rey picks up kylo and dunks him in the trash. fucking obliterated are you a parking ticket? the future terrifies me if you cant put an end to moffat's shit writing you cant put an end of my life cake. stick it in your hoo-hah POLICE PUT THE CUMMIES ON THE GROUND oh you love homestuck? name five of his albums your room has posters with the dead eyes of Cameron Diaz boring through the souls of all who enter--- sollux feels trapped in a hell of "Wheels on the Bus" holy shit is that kurt cobain "yahtzee" said dave "ahem. undertale" then im gonna pull out my dads bigass bowling ball like "this is 1/800 the mass of vy canis majoris" only dumbfucks play magic the gathering in his free time, reginald enjoys BODY SLAMMING CIVILIANS WITH HIS WHEELCHAIR YES EGGSY blondie screeches to a halt, another comrade fallen meggers preggers THE HOT WINGS AVA THE HOT WINGS lizzie dont name your kid onomatopoeia annick youre a running joke in my household i can cut fabric lady but if you wanna see a super special skill i can cut human flesh you kids with your understuck and hometale im extra homosexual, but im in love with him. god bless that man. his laugh is my text tone bellybutton fetish KARINA ITS FIVE AM

[jarpadandjensenaremyheroes]

Dark Secrets

Written from Dean’s POV.

Word Count: ~3,200 (After lyrics)

Warnings: TW-DOMESTIC ABUSE (not described in detail, but it’s made clear that’s what is going on), swearing, angst, minor fluff, pregnant reader.

Pairing: Dean x Reader

A/n- This is for @casbabydontgoineedyou Katie’s 2k challenge. The song I picked was Daughters by John Mayer and my emotion was Sadness. I kinda accidentally went a little darkside with this after reading all the angst this weekend. I had something fluffier planned, but my brain decided otherwise. Sorry not sorry? Please please please read the trigger warnings. If you are not okay with domestic violence, then DO NOT READ this story. This is unbeta’d, so any and all mistakes are my own. Thanks to @queen-of-deans-booty for the title! It's a little bit jumpy, but it all makes sense in my head. I hope you all like it!

A/n 2- Under no circumstances is any of this ever okay. No one deserves this kind of treatment, no matter what. I am including the numbers for the U.S. and U.K. domestic abuse hotlines. If anyone who reads this note needs the number for another country, please contact me. I will not hesitate to help. You can also reach out to any first responder (Firefighter, Police officer, EMS) and they can help you. They will keep you safe. Please don’t make the same mistake I did and stay. It’s never worth it, and it is not your job to “fix” your abuser. Please be aware that the legal information given in this story may not be accurate for every single case.

U.S. Abuse Hotline 1-800-799-7233

                Website: http://www.thehotline.org/ this website has online chats available (7 am-2am Central time) for anyone who can’t talk on the phone. It also has an Escape! button on the top of the page. Click on that if you are in danger of being seen or fear getting caught, and it redirects to your home page immediately; no wait.

U.K. Abuse Helpline 0808 2000 247

                Website: http://www.nationaldomesticviolencehelpline.org.uk/  this website has information on how to help yourself, how to let others know (discreetly) that you need help, and also has resources that you can access (i.e. women’s shelters). I did not see anything for online chats or the same kind of Escape! Button that the American page has, but I may be wrong. My dinosaur computer doesn’t like foreign websites.

Please feel free to contact me about anything. My ask box and messages are always open!

I know a girl

She puts the color inside of my world

Y/N was one of the best women I’ve ever met. One of the best souls. She was always so kind and forgiving, always seeing the best in others, even monsters. I watched her convince a group of vamps that they have other options, they can live off animal blood instead of human. They don’t need to be monsters and hurt people. And these guys actually did it. They check in with her every now and then and let her know what’s going on. All because she saw people where the rest of us saw soulless beings incapable of good.

She is so pure and good in this world full of evil we live in, and I love her for it. I love her. She’s perfect, really, only she can’t see it. Which is why we’re standing here today. Why I’m kneeling in front of her, begging and pleading for her to come home with me. She is the only person she can’t see the good in; which is ironic, considering how pure she is. Hell, even Cas has commented on how pure and brightly her soul burns. He says it’s entirely untouched by the bad in the world.

Well, it was back then.

I knew something was off the moment I laid eyes on her. She had taken up hunting with her old man, Leo, and new boyfriend, Brandon, about a year or so ago, and looking at her now was like looking at the shed skin of a snake. She looked dull and empty. She didn’t have that glow and sparkle that I fell in love with. When she smiled, it didn’t reach her eyes; and when she laughed, it sounded so hollow.

But, she's just like a maze

Where all of the walls all continually change

And I've done all I can

To stand on her steps with my heart in my hand

Now I'm starting to see

Maybe It's got nothing to do with me

She came up and gave me a hug, squeezing tight, almost as if she was asking me not to let go. Then she looked up and smiled the saddest smile I’ve ever seen. It broke my heart. And then that… that douche nozzle came up behind her and I knew. I knew what was going on right then and there. He was hitting her. Abusing her in the worst ways. What I couldn’t figure out was why her father was allowing it to happen. Until he walked up that is. And then I knew he was in on it. It took everything I had not to beat them both senseless. But I didn’t know if she would come with me, or even feel safe with me after that. So I bit my tongue and was biding my time until I could make this all right for her again.

I finally had a moment alone with her the next day. She was going to the store to get food for the assholes, and I decided to accompany her. As soon as we were a safe distance away from the motel we were all holed up in, I pulled the car over. Turning to her, I noticed she had pulled the sleeves of her shirt down over her hands and was playing with the hem of her too-long and baggy shirt. She had a hole in the thigh of her jeans that looked like it was from running her fingers up and down the same spot over and over again. She won’t even look at me right now.

“Y/N…please look at me honey…” I said as I reached out for her arm. The second my fingers brushed it, she was crying out in pain and yanking her arm away. She hid her face in the corner of the door, cradling her arm against her chest and taking ragged breaths.

“Y/N you need to let me see that. Please tell me what’s going on here!”

She turned to me with a horrified look on her face. “I know what you’re thinking, and you’re wrong. I got hurt on the last hunt we went on. Angry ghost threw me against a bookshelf and I sprained my wrist real bad. That’s why I’m not hunting this time around. Gotta let it rest…” She gave me a half –hearted smile, and I wasn’t buying it for a second.

Doing my best not to frighten her, I slowly reached over and pulled on her sleeve.

“Dean please no. please, just leave it alone… I don’t want you to see-” she broke off into sobs when I revealed a very swollen wrist with a black and blue handprint on it.

Trying not to lose my cool, I gently tugged her shirt off. I gasped when I saw just how bad it was. The bastards were smart enough not to leave bruises where they could be easily seen, minus the handprint on her wrist. Her back and ribcage were both covered in marks. Some of them were so defined; you could see the actual fist marks. Her shoulders, even the top half of her upper arms were littered with an ugly rainbow of purple’s, green’s, and blue’s.

Fathers, be good to your daughters

Daughters will love like you do

Girls become lovers who turn into mothers

So mothers be good to your daughters too

When I was trying to assess just how bad the damage was, she whimpered and wrapped her arms around her stomach. That’s when I realized her belly wasn’t flat like it normally was, and that was the only part of her that wasn’t marked up. I swallowed hard, trying to keep the bile from coming up. I was so repulsed by these two men that I was actually going to be sick.

“Y/N…” I said softly. “Are you… are you pregnant?”

She cried harder as she nodded once. The sound of broken sobs filled the air of the car and I tried my best to hold her together. I knew she had some broken ribs and sobbing like this wasn’t doing her any favors.

I gently stroked her back and hair as I kissed her head. “Shh, baby girl, it’s alright now. You’re safe. I won’t let them touch you ever again.”

I pulled my flannel around her so she didn’t have to put her shirt back on and held her close to me while I drove us to the nearest hospital. I took her inside, where a nurse told me they had to talk to her alone for a few minutes before I would be allowed back in. I called Sam and told him what was going on, made sure he wouldn’t say or do anything to Leo or Mark, just in case she wasn’t ready to face that yet. I wanted to get her to safety first, then we could beat the shit out of these guys.

They finally called me back to be with her after the police talked to us both. She explained to the officer in her room that I was not the one who had hurt her, simply the friend who cared enough to make it stop. A nurse came in as the officer was leaving and began examining Y/N’s bruises. Before long, she had one of those portable x-ray machines in the room and was taking scans of Y/N’s arm and chest. Once she had them, she scurried away to confer with a doctor.

She looked lifeless. Her skin was pale and her hair hung limp around her face. Her eyes were dull and empty now, no longer bright and full of life like they once were. I didn’t think I would be able to feel anything other than rage, but this… This makes me so sad. Sad that she has been dealing with this for the last year, and I wasn’t there to stop it. Sad that she felt stuck, because she had nowhere else to go and was carrying this man’s child. Sad because she was once so bright and full of life, everything you would see in a classic Disney princess; and now she is just…there. She’s not living, she’s simply existing. And I think that is the saddest part of it all.

She sat with her legs hanging off the side of the bed, while she stared at her hands in her lap. Seizing the opportunity of us being alone, I knelt down at her feet, wrapping my hands around the backs of her calves.

“Y/N, you don’t have to do this anymore. You can come with me and Sammy back to the bunker. You’ll have your own space, and we can clear out another room for a nursery. You aren’t alone. I won’t force you to come with us, but I will stop you from going back with Brandon and Leo. Not only are you putting yourself at risk, but you are also putting your baby at risk now. And what happens if the baby comes and they get out of control? I know it’s awful to think like that, but you have to understand the possibilities here. Even the horribly grim ones. So please, please come home with me. I’ll take care of you and that child. I already love you, and I’m positive I won’t be able to keep myself from loving that baby too, so please, let me help you.”

She looked at me with tears in her eyes. “Dean how can you love me? I’m nothing. I don’t deserve any of this. I’m going to be a horrible mother and screw my kid up in the worst ways possible. I’m nobody. I don’t deserve love. I’m not good enough for that.”

Oh, you see that skin?

It's the same she's been standing in

Since the day she saw him walking away

Now she's left cleaning up the mess he made

I slowly moved my hand to cup her cheek, smiling when she didn’t flinch.

“I know you won’t hurt me Dean. Not like they do…” she whispered.

“You’re right. I never will. You know why?” She turned her face up to meet my eyes with her own. “Because you deserve better. You deserve to be doted on and pampered. You deserve to have someone that will make you happy. You deserve to have someone at your side that will always love you no matter what. You are the best person, you are going to be the most wonderful mother to that child, and you are somebody very important. You’re fucking Y/N. You know how badass that chick is? Dude, she got a whole nest of vamps to go vegan! Who does that?! " I exclaimed while she giggled softly. "The best kind of person, that’s who.”

“I need you to tell me again. Tell me you weren’t joking about loving me, and helping me. Tell me you’ll keep me safe and help me raise this baby. ‘Cause if you weren’t serious Dean, I… I don’t know if I could handle that kind of cruelty…”

“Of course! Those are not joking matters, Y/N. Of course I was serious. I love you, and I’ll love this child like my own. Hell, this kid will be mine, no questions asked. I’ve always wanted kids. You can even put me on the birth certificate if you want.”

Just then a radiology tech came in with an ultrasound machine. “Time to take a look at that little human you’re growing Miss Y/L/N! You ready?”

I could tell she was nervous, so I just wrapped her hand in both of mine as she nodded and laid back on the gurney. I watched as she flinched when the cold gel hit her belly, and then as she tensed when the tech pressed on her with the wand.

“Shh it’s okay sweetheart,” I soothed her. “She’s gotta press a little to make sure she can see the baby. She won’t hurt you.”

The tech looked up in shock and seemed to just notice the bruising. “Oh dear I am so sorry! I had no idea. I should have warned you. If it will help you feel more relaxed and safe, I can walk you through what I’m doing before and while I’m doing it. Would that help?”

Y/N just nodded, one stray tear slipping down her cheek. The tech began talking about what she was doing and how she was looking for the baby when finally, a rapid whooshing sound could be heard coming from the monitor.

“That’s your baby’s heartbeat! Baby looks very healthy, a little small for how far along you are, but healthy otherwise. You look about 16 weeks along. A few more weeks and you’ll be able to tell if it’s a boy or a girl! Have you been able to start and prenatal or other vitamins? It’s not a big deal if you haven’t; it just helps us decide what to give you to help you heal faster and take great care of that new little one!”

I was surprised to see Y/N nodding. I didn’t think they would let her take anything. “I’ve managed to take them almost every other day. I had them hidden, and I couldn’t always get to them…” she said very quietly.

“That’s great, dear. You are so brave! You’re gonna be an amazing mother, already protecting that little one the way you do. Don’t let anyone tell you otherwise.” She got up with a pat on Y/N’s hand and handed her some print-outs of her scan.

As the tech was leaving, one of the nurses and a doctor came in; the doctor was holding x-rays. I was nervous to hear the damage report.

He put the x-rays up on the little light up board and started pointing at some of them. “So, we have good news and bad news, Miss Y/L/N. The good news is, you are going to heal quite nicely thanks to Mr. Tyler getting you to us so quickly. The bad news is, you have 4 broken ribs and a fractured wrist. Now, the wrist will need a cast for about 6 weeks, but the ribs will be a little more painful. Since you are 16 weeks along already, your body is going to be rapidly growing from this point forward. Your ribs are unfortunately not going to heal completely before you have your baby. But we can manage the pain with some medications that are safe for you and baby y/l/n there.”

Y/N just nodded her head in agreement before the doctor continued.

“Now, I know situations like this can be scary, but you need to consider filing charges. And before you say no, let me explain something first. If you file charges, and they go to the D.A., you can speak to her and drop the charges. Once you drop the charges, the state can choose to continue with the case and trial and you may be able to be left out of it 100%. That all being said, I know that is still terrifying. But I urge you to do something that will keep these men out of your life, and more importantly, out of your child’s life. If this is something you cannot do right this moment, I understand. Please note that we do keep your pictures and x-rays on file for at least 1 full year, and you can file charges at any point during that time span.”

Y/N shut down half way through the doctor’s speech. I doubt she even heard the last part. I gave him assurances that she would be safe with me and my brother, as would the child, and he seemed pleased that she trusted me. They wanted to keep her a little while longer and I knew it wouldn’t be long before Leo and Mark started losing their shit. I knew I needed to get her somewhere safe until Sam and I could take care of them.

After another hour, Sam was texting me; they were furious she had been gone so long and he wasn’t sure what to do.

“Y/N, I need you to tell me right now what you want. Do you want to stay with me and Sam? I’m pretty sure that’s what you want, but I can’t make that decision without you saying it. I need you to say it, baby girl.”

“Yes. I want to stay with you Dean.” The tears spilled over her cheeks again. “Please… Please keep us safe Dean. I can handle them. I can deal with it. But this baby won’t be able to. I need… I need this baby to be safe and loved. Please, don’t make me go back to them. I don’t know if I’ll even survive!”

The panic became clear once more as sobs racked her small body and she clutched at her ribs and belly. I wrapped my arms around her as best I could without causing more pain and tried to calm her down. Once she stopped sobbing, she fell asleep against my shoulder. I gently laid her back on the bed so I could call Sam.

“Dean! Where are you man? I don’t know how much longer I can hold these two here. They’re foaming at the mouth to go find her!”

“Yeah well she’s staying with us. They’re not coming anywhere near her again. I don’t care what they do, but you get the hell out of there and go somewhere else. We’ll pick you up.”

“I don’t care what we do Dean, I just wanna get her to safety. I hate this mess.”

“So do I. We’ll all get out of this just fine. Don’t worry. She’s safe with us.”

“I know. I’ll see you soon? I’ll text you where I end up.”

“Sounds good. See you soon.”

Click.

I ran a hand down my face as I stood there watching Y/N sleep. It looked peaceful, but I could see the way her face twitched. I knew she was having a nightmare.

So fathers, be good to your daughters

Daughters will love like you do

Girls become lovers who turn into mothers

So mothers be good to your daughters too

I don’t know how things will turn out in the long run. I don’t know if Brandon and Leo will cut their losses and stop looking for her. But I do know that I love her, and this baby, irrevocably. I do know that I won’t let those bastards lay a finger on her ever again. I do know that she will be safe, happy, and loved with me and Sam. She’ll have the best family one could ever hope for in this life, and I’ll spend the rest of my life showing her how a woman should be treated. She’ll never have to go through any of that again.

On behalf of every man

Looking out for every girl

You are the God and weight of her world

So fathers, be good to your daughters

Daughters will love like you do

Girls become lovers who turn into mothers

So mothers be good to your daughters too

So mothers be good to your daughters too

So mothers be good to your daughters too

***So I had a completely different story for this challenge planned in my head, but it wasn’t flowing onto paper. At all. And after threats of turning this whole week into “Angst Appreciation Week” I decided to jump on that bandwagon. Might as well, right? I *may* write a part 2 if y’all like it enough. Let me know what you think!***

@spn-dean-and-sam-winchester

@queen-of-deans-booty

[erikam7]

LOGIC

Sir Robert Bryson Hall II, better known as Logic is an American rapper, singer, songwriter, and record producer. He started off as a teenager at the age of 15. His first mixtape release is called “Young, Broke & Infamous” in 2010. His first studio album “Under Pressure” debuted,  October 2014 a year after his fourth mixtape “Young Sinatra: Welcome to Forever”and it came in at No.4 on the Billboard 200. His first to get charted. Currently, his most recent released album “Everybody” is his third studio album, dropped on May 5, 2017.

The album hit No.1 on the Billboard 200 album chart. “Everybody” is Logic’s third top 10 album and fourth entry on the list . The other three entries on the Billboard 200 are “Bobby Tarantino” No. 12, 2016, “The Incredible True Story” No. 3, 2015 and “Under Pressure” No. 3, 2014 as I had mentioned earlier.     (The true incredible story below)

The album is supposed to based/recreating a short story “The Egg” by Andy Weir (2009, sci-fi tale about rebirth). The whole album put together is telling a story and each song has a short “secret” message to go along with the story. His most recent popular song has been from the album, everyone has been talking about this song “1-800-273-8255” the suicide hotline prevention phone number.

The lyrics have a strong message/story talking about how suicide is never the answer for your problems and things do get better over time, the story guideline is he (not anyone specifically) wants to die and he can’t handle life anymore, then the next verse goes on about how he basically is feeling worthless, and the last verse is about how he called the number and they saved his life by telling him he’s worth it and that the pain won’t last forever, he got hope. This song was  performed at the 2017 VMAs and so many people were touched by the lyrics and how he conveyed the message.

For me personally this song is my favorite out of the whole album because I like the message of there’s always going to be a brighter day and it just touches my heart, before this album I didn’t really like logic but when I listened to it, I fell in love with his music and when I started to listen his other older music I liked them as well just not as much as this new album. I really recommend watching the new music video he just put out for it, it’s very emotional (it made me cry) very good. Here’s a link https://youtu.be/Kb24RrHIbFk I hope you enjoy and listen to more of his music (: