#lyrics are should've been me by mitski

[moonlightphos]

I thought, "Must be lonely loving someone" Trying to find their way out of a maze

[vampyreblogger]

The Magus - John Fowles || The Maze Runner (2014) || Should've Been Me - Mitski || Saltburn (2023) || Remember - Typhoon || Mosaic of the Cretan Labyrinth from the Villa of the Domitii Ahenobarbi || Should've Been Me - Mitski || Skyrim Labyrinthian (2011) || The Labyrinth - W H Auden || Labyrinth (1986)

a post about mazes and labyrinths

[ghysry]

PLEASE READ THIS IF YOU'RE A FIVE HARGREEVES FAN!! I WANT Y'ALL TO SAY WHAT YOU GUYS THINK ABOUT THIS

Okay, so, Five Hargreeves is literally Abbey By Mitski (if you have never heard it, please PLEASE listen to it)

Now, listen to me very well

- Opening lyric and it's already Five Hargreeves core. He was hungry, he has been hungry, for fifty years, in the apocalypse, he survived on nothing but balling up his fists and closing his eyes when eating food he knows is practically inedible. This can also be explainable with his hunger to make sure the apocalypse never happened/making sure he saved his siblings

- He was literally born with the power to jump between spaces in time, and yet is always told he SHOULDN'T explore his power beyond what people think should be explored, and while they're right, it of course caused him to rebel and run away. He was born hungry (deprived of support), not knowing what he needed (real love and not just being told 'you can't do that, you're too stupid to'). Can also be explained by how his entire fate is to either die saving his siblings, or die WITH his siblings, and nothing outside of that. We can even see it in season four, where even without his powers, he just can't rest

- He has no idea what he should've been. He doesn't know what he could've been, because he jumped forward in time. He rebelled, and now he will never know a life without trying to survive and killing people, he was born to be something, but he just doesn't know what that something COULD'VE been, rather than a killer, an object made for killing, just something.

- You know that one really funny moment between Five and Klaus when they're going on a little road trip together and Five was annoyed most of the time? Yeah, it's not funny anymore, because I'm going to make it unfunny real fucking quick. This was HIS dream, this was what he thought life could've been with his siblings, going on road trips, seeing cool tourist attractions, stopping by the biggest ball of twine, being able to look at his siblings in the face, and realizing his family is right here beside him. But no. They had to take it away from him. The light he can see? His dream. The darkness in him? The fact that he still, if not always, blames himself for the apocalypse. Even going as far as to think it was selfish that he was having a bit of fun with Klaus on his road trip.

- Literally my point before, have you ever thought about the off chance that maybe he frequently gets nightmares of the apocalypse happening again? But once in a while he dreams about being able to fish on the side of the lake with Viktor or Luther or Diego or Klaus? Then going home and being able to eat with his family? With ALL of his family?

- Fifty years in the apocalypse. Seven years in the subway (if you can count season four as canon..). He has always been waiting, waiting to save his siblings, waiting for the little hope he had in himself that he might be able to have a normal life with his siblings after all, waiting for the universe to call him, once again, gullible, for thinking he could even have what is remotely close to a happy ending. He has been waiting. He always has.

- Born waiting for that something? Born waiting for the time his siblings are all together again and they're all sneaking out to eat donuts in the diner. That ONE something. That one something he truly wanted to do.

- The apocalypse keeps him awake for so many days because he fears if he sleeps it'll happen again. That's it. That's all I'll be saying. It's even more tragic than most of what I put here so I can't really explain it any better.

HIS NIGHTMARES!! HIS NIGHTMARES ABOUT SEEING HIS SIBLINGS DEAD AGAIN!! ACTUALLY WALKING AROUND THE APOCALYPSE AND GOING BACK TO HIS SIBLINGS DEAD AND ROTTING BODIES, WATCHING THEM SLOWLY GET EATEN BY BUGS AND MAGGOTS AND EARTH, DO YOU KNOW HOW INSANELY TRAUMATIC THAT WOULD BE FOR A CHILD?

Oh god if they can't give him a happy ending just give him a gun 😭 he's been through enough

[whatmitskisongarethey]

In honor of the book of bill, my first post will be bill cipher!

I’ve assigned him “Should’ve Been Me”. The song’s upbeat sound, the drums and bass paired with the… I think it’s a piano on some sort of synth setting? It all sounds very 80’s and reminds me a lot of Bill. It’s kind of chaotic if you really listen - sometimes the sounds meld together. Now, let’s get on to the lyrics! Mind you, I haven’t fully watched Gravity Falls in years. I was like 12 when it came out. So I’m still trying to remember everything about Bill’s character lol…

Bill is a very lonely triangle. Even though he had friends and family at one point, there’s nobody he can reeeally talk to (‘and I found I had no one to tell’). What is the strange serenity / overwhelming clean feeling that he can’t tell? I interpreted it as the power he gets especially during Weirdmageddon. The freedom? The chaos? Not sure.

These verses remind me so much of Bill and Stanford’s relationship in the book.

“You wanted me but couldn’t reach me” Ford referring to bill as his muse, once getting along with him (maybe a bit too much. what the hell happened on karaoke night?!) but now not being able to reach him. He is too far gone.

“So I went into your memory, relived all the ways you still want me” There’s a point in the book where Bill literally possesses Ford’s mind (‘went into your memory’) and makes him do crazy shit. Bill also speaks directly into his mind, making him think that he has nobody except him, (‘relived all the ways you still want me’ needed me!!) threatening him, typical crazy ex stuff.

I interpreted the girl as being Mabel. He directly says in the book that he relates to Mabel as she’s an agent of chaos. (‘When I saw the girl looked just like me’)

He however feels pity for Mabel and Dipper. Well, maybe not pity. I don’t know if he has the capacity for that. He at the very least acknowledges them being kids going through all these traumatic things. (‘trying to find their way out of a maze.’ the maze being the struggle to survive, as shown by all the timelines where they don’t live.)

These lyrics were harder. Who has power over Bill??

The axolotl! I interpreted the hand as being the axolotl placing Bill in therapy. (‘a labyrinth, where I’d be stuck a while’.)

Repetition is big in Mitski songs. We see that Bill kind of goes crazy, repeating “I’m fine”, (‘it should’ve been me’) almost as if to convince himself.

I interpreted these final lines as being his cry of jealously, in a way. It should’ve been me, my plan for the world. Me! ME!

Here are my second and third choices for Bill:

Thank you all for reading. Do you agree with my choice? Do you disagree? Let me know!

[maine-q1]

Yowaimo!

Changed my username Ó⁠╭⁠╮⁠Ò (Og was Ilovefyodordostoeyvskyfrombsd) you can find me on Instagram and TikTok with the user : maine_q1

Lyrics from "Should've been me" by mitski

[hippydippydruid]

okay so we're some three weeks out from officially finding out OG Trudy's backstory (probably/hopefully, knowing these chucklefucks they could very well get distracted and it might not come up at all) but in the meantime I think Should've Been Me by Mitski has very OG Trudy vibes

like:

When I saw the girl looked just like me

And it broke my heart

The lengths you went to hold me

To get to have me

and:

You wanted me, but couldn't reach me

So you went into your memory

Relived all the ways you still want me

I haven't given you what you need

You wanted me, but couldn't reach me

!!!!

OOF you’re so right actually I’ve listened to this song three times in a row now and will continue to do so. Also the first lyrics

“Well I went through my list of friends

And found I had no one to tell

Of this overwhelming clean feeling

Strange serenity”

Is so perfect for the 1950s housewife?? Like going from being a person to being a wife to being a mother and that’s all your defined by, and having no one to talk to because of how much Tucker has limited her access to the outside world. She entered into this strange perfect world where she ended up being controlled, even when she was still human. I’m so excited to get even a hint of a Trudy lore drop next episode.

[batbrainrot]

one of my favorite hc is that whenever jason has control of the aux in the batmobile and he's feeling a lil mischievous, he'll play songs with very specific lyrics just to emotionally torment bruce. one of these songs is definitely should've been me by mitski.

[iloveyurirah]

Giving Punch Out boxers (minus Lil Mac) songs but they're randomized in my playlist and will probably have NOTHING related to them ^_^!

(The song meanings are given out. I got all of these from sites, please correct me if I'm wrong!)

—

Aran Ryan: Aishite ita no ni (Even Though I Had Loved You) by Materu (LMFAO????)

"There was this girl who was in a relationship with this guy ("Let's become one, both in body and in soul"), but because the relationship was too toxic("I loved you, I really loved you, yet you betrayed me"), they had to put an end to it ("Before it comes to an end, let's end it together"). So in the song, the girl mourns her relationship, singing ("I believed you, I really believed you. I loved you, I really loved you")."

— (by u/ILikeSalad_owo on Reddit!)

—

Bald Bull: Likey by TWICE (I'M CRYINF HELP)

"The agony of trying to elicit a social-media "like" from a crush, as well as the struggle of maintaining a beautiful social media image."

(who you trying to impress)

—

Bear Hugger: I Want You by Mitski (DAMN.)

"‘I Want You’ tells the poetic heartbreak of a relationship that was one-sided. The song includes lyrics that explain how there was an attempt to make the relationship last, however with lacking support this led to its inevitable downfall. Mitski’s melancholic vocals portray a tone to the listener, one that is filled with a despairing plea, an exhausted attempt to save their relationship one last time with the words, “I want you”."

(Who hurt you, Bear Hugger???)

—

Disco Kid: Basketbol by Viva HotBabes (HELP, A FILIPINO SONG THAT'S JUST ABOUT BASKETBALL???)

—

Don Flamenco: Guilty Pleasure by Chappell Roan (no comment 1, should've been another song)

"The song is filled with sexual allusions and the pretty unhealtry relationship she’s having; she refers to her partner as a “pothead” and she explores the “sexually fantasizing” theme. The guilty pleasure is associated to something that makes you feel good in spite of the shame that it might bring, in this case, the chagrin comes from her depthless relationship."

—

Glass Joe: Destroy Me by Mr. Kitty (I dunno bro! No comment!)

"About someone who is in a state of despair and looking for escape from the challenges of life. The song's lyrics express a deep sense of powerlessness in the face of life's struggles, and a desire for complete destruction as a way to break free. The narrator is asking another person to "hurt me," "fight me," "kill me," and "destroy me," in order to take away the pain and anguish they're feeling."

—

Great Tiger: Less Than Three.? (YOU LOVE ME TYPING OUT MY FANTASY) By Disko Warp

"The song is about a girl getting home from school then hopping online to anticipate her conversation with her online boyfriend."

(WHO'S THE ONLINE BOYFRIEND, TIGER???)

—

King Hippo: Catallena by Orange Caramel (WHY THE LESBIAN SONG—)

"The song shows fascination towards a charming "Catallena" woman in spite of being straight, singing, "She's so great, I've fallen for her / Even as a girl"."

—

Mr. Sandman: Suki! By Cho Tokimeki Sendenbu (CUTESY SONG.)

"It emphasizes the intensity of emotions experienced when infatuated with another person. With each repetition of the word “suki,” meaning “love,” a wave of overwhelming feelings floods the listener. It’s as if the song captures the heart’s racing beats and the giddy happiness that love induces, conveying the sheer magnitude of infatuation."

—

Piston Hondo: Tell Me by Wonder Girls (wuh.)

"A song about a girl who has fallen in love." (TYPICAL! Yet still a banger)

—

Soda Popinski: Favorite by Isabel LaRosa (damn thrist trap song)

"The song shows the sesire to be cherished, chosen and favored by her romantic partner, emphasizing themes of desire and possessiveness." (help me)

—

Super Macho Man: The Bad Touch by Bloodhound Gang (????????gyat)

"A song playful and provocative exploration of human sexuality, likening it to animal behavior." (guh)

—

Von Kaiser: Your Best American Girl by Mitski (NO, WHAT THE HELL)

"The song represents the turmoil that one feels when they experience a relationship that brings them great joy, but also must come to terms with the fact that they are different from their new partner on a multitude of levels and they are likely committing to a fantasy. Mitski says that this song was inspired by “wanting so badly to fit into this very American person’s life, and simply not being able to, just fundamentally being from a different place and feeling like I would just get in the way of their progression in their life."

(First post btw! Hope it isn't too messy :' )

[overqchiever]

blackbonnet lyrics that make me scream, cry and throw up

And I think you should come live with me And we can be pirates Then you won't have to cry Or hide in the closet And just like a folk song Our love will be passed on

seven, taylor swift

It's fun and games until we both get hurt We play with fire 'cause we like the way it burns No use in patching up a sinking ship

ancient history, set it off

'Cause you could be the one that I love I could be the one that you dream of A message in a bottle is all I can do Standin' here, hopin' it gets to you You could be the one that I keep, and I I could be the reason you can't sleep at night A message in a bottle is all I can do Standin' here, hopin' it gets to you

message in a bottle, taylor swift

I bet you think I either moved on or hate you 'Cause each time you reach out, there's no reply I bet it never, ever occurred to you That I can't say hello to you and risk another goodbye

i almost do, taylor swift

I've been holding onto what was Siamese souls, you left, left I've seen every stage of grief I can over again Are you feeling whole again? Is this separation how it ends? 'Cause I've been holding onto what was Siamese souls, I'll live

siamese souls, yours truly

The waves crash in, the tide rolls out I stand before my weakness now You took my faith and cut me down The ocean it lies, it lies inside me now The ocean, the ocean

the ocean, tonight alive

I don't need the world to see That I've been the best I can be, but I don't think I could stand to be Where you don't see me

francis forever, mitski

I look up to the sky with salt in my eyes And the pain in my chest Holding me down as I'm washing away what you said But I won't be holding my breath

waves, tonight alive

God, keep my head above water Don't let me drown, it gets harder I'll meet you there at the altar As I fall down to my knees Don't let me drown, drown, drown Don't let me, don't let me, don’t let me drown

head above water, avril lavigne

(You tied the anchors to my ankles) (And you left me for dead)

wake up, crashing atlas

You believe me like a god I destroy you like I am I'm sorry I'm the one you love No one will ever love me like you again So, when you leave me, I should die I deserve it, don't I?

i'm your man, mitski

I should be crying, but I just can't let it show I should be hoping, but I can't stop thinking Of all the things I should've said That I never said All the things we should've done That we never did All the things I should've given But I didn't

this woman's work, kate bush

And I'm the idiot with the painted face In the corner, taking up space But when he walks in, I am loved, I am loved

me and my husband, mitski

the rest of my blackbonnet playlist

[mylesw272]

When I start my playlist I start to think “who put this together? I like thiss!”

Today I woke up really late for my chiropractor appointment. I’ve been so tired recently, I think I’m in a lot of sleep debt. I like this doctor more than other ones and I’ve been able to stay more constant. In my opinion, there have been some improvements in my posture, pain and confidence. Afterwards I took a long shower, folded laundry and headed in to start the work week. It was a successful day honestly.

Sometimes I get stuck in my head about past experiences and future goals. But I know I have to go be in the present moment more to really experience everything. I’ve been trying out meditation on and off for a few years but it’s one of the hardest habits for me to keep. Something about it just freaks me out. I’m slowly getting over that. While driving today, I started to realize I’m in the middle of what I’ve always wanted in life as a child. I’m free to be myself, stable, achieving goals and I’m happy about that. I mean, I’m always hungry for more and I have my regrets. Not everything is perfect but I am grateful to attempt the things I’ve always wanted too.

I recently heard for the first time “Should’ve Been Me” by Mitski.

I really like the instrumental on this, it’s kind of fast and upbeat. When I looked up the lyrics, the artist says it’s about forgiving others to be forgiven. According to what I understood, she was cheated on but later she understood where she was also wrong in the relationship. I’ve done a lot of wrong in a lot of areas and have been hurt so I can relate. I know hurt people hurt people but heal people heal others as well. I’m trying to be a healer in this world. I hope I can be forgiven by those I’ve wronged in big or small ways. Everyday I’m trying to turn over a new leaf, improving myself, be a kinder better person. It’s hard work but I believe it can be done and it’s worth the work.

Thanks to everyone who ever believed in my writing skills and came along for the journey. I’m excited to finally put myself out there. I’m always on the lookout for some new music so I’m open to suggestions.

[flowerbloom-arts]

Bloom is making the impulsive decision to start a lyric comic about Moominmamma but I'm struggling to pick which of 3 songs to draw so I'm making it everyone else's problem!

Me and My Husband would be about Moominmamma's relationship with Moominpappa from her perspective. It is the existentialism and innate compliance of being a housewife but being committed to being married to a man she loves and who loves her back. Moominmamma has shown herself to have no qualms about what it means to be a wife and mother, and her leniency towards her husband is almost second nature to her despite his history of having personal hangups and habits that should've been resolved before their engagement, but this is the dynamic they've built up from the start and it continues to the very end of our view of their story.

“And I am the idiot with a painted face

In the corner, taking up space

But when he walks in, I am loved, I am loved

Me and my husband, we are doing better

It's always been just him and me

Together”

-

Unassimilated Normie would be about Moominmamma's struggles between conformity and taboo, especially within the comics and their animated adaptations. On the surface she seems to be an exemplary housewife - kind, understanding and undemanding, but when under the lens of scrutiny she becomes very strange, habits and ideas that don't conform to the rigid structures placed by society and alot of unawareness for things that should be considered common knowledge or sense. Despite her seemingly aloof attitude towards society's expectations and progress, she still buckles under them when the conflict of the week arises or when she's faced by a direct opponent like Mrs. Fillyjonk. She is a "normal" person who still sits outside the confines of normalcy because of circumstance. An unassimilated normie.

“Oh taboo, how I both love and hate you

How some days, I only want to break you

But what is broken seems a mess at least to be

The one who breaks the silence, to face alone the violence

Whilst I sit and watch in safe and silent agreement”

-

Oom Sha La La would be about the personal frustrations Moominmamma has with a number of things, a frustration I'll be basing particularly on the comic Moomin and the Sea; where she heavily dislikes the lighthouse island the family has moved to and would love to start a garden to keep her frustrations at bay if the damned ground wasn't so lacking in fertile dirt. It expresses a side we don't see too much in Moominmamma, she is left completely out of her element and everything is working against her, and she is taking her frustration out on things that aren't even the cause of her frustrations. She needs to start a garden.

“I'm throwing out the milk

The olives got old

I'm tired of my mind getting heavy with mold

I need to start a garden

I need to start a garden

I need to start a garden

I need to start a garden!”

[archivedsmile]

reversed lyrics from should've been me by Mitski

[hansooyung]

top 5 mitski songs or lyrics

TAKE TWO LETS GO

should've been me by mitski

and i am a forest fire. i am a forest fire i am the fire and i am the forest and i am the witness watching it and you're not there at all (a burning hill, mitski)

goodbye my danish sweetheart by mitski

no matter that love's gone we just see it shining it's traveled very far, i'll keep a leftover light burning so you can keep looking up, isn't that worth holding on? (star, mitski)

i bet on losing dogs by mitski

[righteousdelusions]

musically i really love be the cowboy. lyrically, maybe bury me at make out creek. though i also loved the land is inhospitable and so are we

there's something about the sound of lush, but i haven't heard all of them i think (i think i've only listened to all the songs of laurel hell)

i think i won't like retired from sad new career in business as a whole but that's such a good name!!!!

again, it's be the cowboy and laurel hell because at the end of the day, i like cheerful songs.... cheerful is not the word. I guess I like lively songs, with an upbeat tempo, a la nobody, why didn't you stop me, should've been me or washing machine heart, those aren't necessarily cheerful songs, but they have great lyrics and a sound i particularly love

i want to listen to the whole mitski discography but if i listen to whole albums i get bored and don't pay attention to the songs. I prefer to go each by each, discovering what I can along the way, and eventually listen the albums in full. I did that with Marina and Queen and I really enjoyed it.

[365sylviaplath]

happy 6th birthday to Sweetener by Ariana Grande x my alchemical emotional journey

the masterpiece she is. one of my favorite albums of all time. telling my Sweetener Story.

brief astro moment- midnight chart for sweetener. i could say a lot here but mostly living for the moon jupiter conjunction in scorpio harshly squaring mercury in leo while also trining neptune in pisces. i think everything i'm about to say is a testament to that- expressing pain, sharing feelings hard to process, transmuting/alchemizing, romanticizing, hyperbole. plus libra venus for pretty packaging.

i enter the space first and foremost as a top 0.1% fan of ariana grande (as of 2023, we'll see how i fare this year). i stand here firmly. i also believe that some may say she has some "more influential" albums, some songs might be ""better"" (whatever that may mean), so on and so forth. this isn't the point. this is strictly a love letter to sweetener. not an album review, not lyrical analysis, just from the spirit.

summer 2018. summer of In My Feelings - Drake, Nobody - Mitski, The Middle - Zedd, I Like It - Cardi B/J Balvin, One Kiss - Calvin Harris/Dua Lipa, Make Me Feel - Janelle Monáe etc etc. grounding us all in collective memory. other notables: Meghan and Harry royal wedding, Anthony Bourdain's passing, Aretha Franklin's passing, Black Panther, A Star Is Born, Crazy Rich Asians, netflix Queer Eye reboot, Beychella, i googled an article of 2018 pop culture moments so i am surely forgetting essential lore but we will have to move on

the story truly begins with the release of sweetener's first single "no tears left to cry" on april 20, 2018. hours into taurus season 2018, if anyone was counting. a little about me and where i was on april 20th, 2018.....

finishing the spring semester of my 3rd year of college

preparing to start my 2nd of 3 co-ops (akin to an internship, for the uninitiated) for the 6 months of late summer/fall 2018

feeling an enormous internal pressure to have a substantial creative outlet

Sad (multiple reasons)

spring 2018 semester, i went a bit rogue with my coursework and i created one mega final project that connected every class i took that had a fairly open-ended final paper/project. i did a geographical, sociological, historical, and political analysis of graffiti vs street art (what's permitted, what belongs to each, styles, criminalization, media representation) in new york city. i explored so many angles and talked about so much material and learned and created on repeat for WEEKS and then april 20th hit and i had to turn everything in in the next few days. it would all be over. peak of my creative agony and i was also engaged in an emotional cold war that would go on to affect me for Years after. i certainly had several tears left to cry. as i had not cried any of them just yet and wouldn't for a while.

while coping with this creative blockage, i turned my attention toward having more agency in my dating life. i was distinctly unhappy with how my romantic affairs had been going, deep in shame and insecurity, and wanted to meet people and figure out what my deal was. i saw a tiktok a few months ago that posited that many of our crushes/situationships are actually people who should've been our creative partners, we just don't always have the language to express this (or even identify ourselves as artists). this framing opened the world to me - not just this statement itself, but drawing this link between flirty/sexual energy and creativity really opened my eyes. i could tell there was a distinct connection. spring/summer of 2018, it was emotional agony, but i was exploring and creating as i could. some painting first dates, always punctuated with "i'm not really an artist but this could be fun!" it was humble, but it was hugely liberating, in its own way.

Other important Sweetener dates:

"the light is coming", ft. Nicki Minaj, was released on June 20, 2018 as promo with pre-orders - released following my yearly emotional cold war of a family vacation (you may be sensing a theme here...... repression....).

"god is a woman", the album's second single, released on July 13, 2018 - the end of one of my first weeks of co-op. i was such a professional mess, i had too many managers in that role, lots of personalities to learn, lots of material to synthesize quickly. would later become The female empowerment work experience of my young life. outside of work, i was bravely embarking on a new relationship while the emotional cold war was at its peak. multi-layer mess.

the full album was released Friday August 17, 2018 - the week before that year's fall RA training (yearly ego death), i was also moving in to what would be my absolute favorite apartment of college

"breathin" was the third and final radio single from the album, released on September 18, 2018 (post album release) - right after my philly trip. for some reason, every trip i've ever taken to philadelphia has taken me down on some emotional and physical level. even my 8th grade class trip. philly and i seem to have some sort of spiritual beef. astrocartography hasn't shown me anything relating to philly but i know something must be off. emotional pain so profound and unnamed that i had stomachaches so bad i couldn't stand. certainly did need to keep breathin and breathin and breathin

late summer 2018, i was very close to getting a tattoo which would have involved both The Fool tarot card and the Queen of Swords tarot card. spontaneity, new beginnings, and adventure meet logic, balance, and rationality - definitely speaks to the inner conflict i was in at the time. i was on perpetual pursuit of the new and fun while overly worried about presenting fairly and without too much emotion. i knew i was capable of feeling very deeply, but i was pretty shut off to this part of myself. it always felt like a detractor in my life. only stood to hurt me. i think i had convinced myself that i was able to shut this out, but certainly not many people believed it. many witnessed my "subtle" loss of the idgaf war. even the people i only very briefly dated! i think my most common feedback from people i met was that i seemed very disconnected. worth noting that the tarot tattoo i actually ended up getting years later is the death card.

this album and i were moving in such stunning parallel and i couldn't even recognize it then. i was so out of touch with myself. to continue on for a bit as an Ariana historian - there was a lot of pain in her life at this time! her relationships (there is a whole song on this album named after pete davidson), fame, even a bombing at one of her concerts the year prior, all while having to put on a smile and a show for the public. i do not envy celebrities. i could not fake a smile to save my life. and those are just the things the public knows about! who knows what else was occurring. she could not slow down and digest it all (she talks about this in interviews as well, not just my own speculation) and i think this comes out in the music. there is something alchemical to me about sweetener. if i was big into music production, i'm sure i could go into analysis about how she layered so much (sonically) in the songs on this album. or vocal techniques. or who knows. i was so frazzled at the time, i don't think i could've evaluated any of this. i was barely literate, to be honest with the class. the grander theme through the album, however, is this alchemy for the self. through anxiety and relationships and disaster and heartbreak and pain you haven't even fully felt yet, you keep yourself going. listening to this album kept me going! i could not put into words how much it kept me afloat through the worst of it. now, 6 years later, i make my best attempt to put it into words. journal excerpts below -

there is a sentiment sometimes, that the feelings you feel and cannot express will be enough to kill you. as they say - is it better to speak or to die? and sometimes the speaking kills you too. everyone says what they observe and deduce would be true, but i can never fake a feeling. painfully honest, despite my best wishes to prove myself otherwise, i knew what i knew. and what i knew was so divinely painful because it comforted me with the same familiar gut-wrenching story. your concept of falling in love vs. just repeating a pattern can be indistinguishable to you. especially when you’re so adept at shutting down your emotions. you show up, you play your part, you define love in the same way you always had. and it never actually was love. any of those times. it was so easy to induce the agony and call it what you wanted it to be. and it would never make it so. it always felt like lying. like you could tell yourself it was love, but if anyone asked you, you would obscure the answer and hope they wouldn’t notice. you knew it would be lying to say it was love. love would never do this to me. but telling the truth would be worse! never been in love would be an excruciating defeat. i would know nothing of the world if this were true. i would be a bag of flesh and bones with nothing to give, nothing to tell, nothing to offer. doomed. unknowing. separate. alone. i had to feel like i understood, best case, i had to prove it. work hard and that would make it so. turns out, no matter how hard you work, you cannot create what you won't let yourself feel. so you listen to people you have no doubt in your mind knew about love.

all i wanted was to be swept off my feet. for everyone to know it, too. girl who was and had been in love. wha a romantic title! i would prove my worthiness of writing dramatic lines about the depths of the human heart. anyone could relate to me, because they too had participated in the delicious agony and ecstasy of romantic love. i would be seen and heard and in no way alone. ever forward into time and space as one who was part of the lover's world. the lover's world shouldn't have felt so far. i was anxious, i was avoidant, i was whatever kept me out. and at the end of the day, it all felt the same and i admitted to none of it. if you always ask for something in the place you know it will never exist, at what point do you recognize that you'll have to leave to get it? and if you really wanted it, why wouldn't you go where they actually offered it?

when you use powerful and descriptive words, you'll never have to convince anyone of the depth of your feelings. even though talking about your feelings is certainly not the same as feeling those things. speaking in hyperbole does not excuse your actions and certainly does not make you feel better about your path. but sometimes, it's the only thing you can think of to get you through. to verbalize such a pitiful misery that it becomes a performance and vents off some of the subterranean steam. i do not have to recognize the depths of the pain if i speak incredibly dramatically of my inner world (which i had no contact with at that time) to my audience of zero while listening to the alchemist's album. maybe i could get out. maybe it would be fine and no one needed to worry. maybe all love would be true and mutual and if it was really there, it could never escape me. maybe i could create the world where love was a beautiful fantasy that just happened upon me and swept me up and held me above the surface and i would never come down. the pain and the grief were gone when i spoke their name, and now i was fully enveloped in the world of What Can Be. the world where i love the glamorous merely for being glamorous, i feel what i name, i move with respect for who i am. i am not afraid and i am not forcing anything. if the show is beautiful enough, it will be believable and that will make it true.

at the end of the day, happy birthday sweetener, and thank you for saying and expressing what i couldn't.

[cicadaland]

ALSO what are your thoughts on Laurel Hell? I know it tends to be one of people's less favorite ones

I can see why honestly. It's slightly different from her other albums and when I first listened to it I noticed that she didn't push her vocals like she did in be the cowboy and other prior albums. Laurel Hell was a bit more subdued and didn't really dig down into my guts in the same way as the other albums did... but that's not to say I don't love the songs on there. The Only Heartbreaker is REALLY good and is despair-danceable in the same way Nobody is. I could say wonderful things about all the songs on that album. Out of all of them though I'd say Love Me More is my least favorite and Should've Been Me should've been (hehe) in its place as a single with a music video. Butyeah Laurel Hell is like in the middle between Inhospitable and Be The Cowboy where you can sort of hear aspects of both albums in the songs like in instrumentals and lyrics. ALSO. I love Nothing Left For You. I think it's about a woman having to give up her youth when she becomes a mother. It's definitely one of Mitski's most heartbreaking songs to me especially when I look at it that way... On the other hand, it could also be seen as about someone who fell very swiftly in and out of love with someone else, but we may never know. Actually we might actually know because I remember seeing a video on youtube where mitski elaborates more on her songs from this album but I haven't watched it yet and I'm kind of afraid to because what if I'm wrong??? OH WELL anyways yeah I can't give a #/10 type rating but I like it it's just different from her other albums