#luckily i can do what i want
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A few more us core edits
#i know this trend died a few months ago#luckily i can do what i want#die wilden kerle animated series#dwk animated series#dwk vanessa#dwk deniz#this can be read both romantically and platonically#however you prefer them
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I AM AT MY LIMIT
Snoopy #90
30/12/2024
description under the cut
[description: a cartoon-style drawing of Snoopy's head. Snoopy is a white dog with black ears. His eyes are shut and his mouth is a horizontal line. There are two large blue teardrops, one under each eye. The text "I am at my limit" is handwritten across the top of the image.]
#peanuts#snoopy#art#90#based on that emoji face meme but i can't find the original ANYWHERE#at least not the entire image unedited. other than on like redbubble listings but i don't want to link those haha#if someone has a link to it please send it to me!! so i can link it in the post. thanks :)#also i have decided to start doing descriptions for each image (which i have been meaning to do for a while)#now that people actually follow this blog and interact with it and stuff#tbh i should've started doing them a long time ago#but the idea of retroactively going back to every post and adding a description kept putting me off... which is silly because it's only#gonna become more work the longer i leave it. so you know. just gotta start doing it#i will endeavour to add a description to all the previous snoopys of the day soon 🤞#anyway i made this because i sent a friend the original emoji image (taken from a redbubble screenshot LOL)#because we have been trying to book a place to stay for a group trip (6 people)#and like i did all the research and made a list to start us off (while letting people know they could add to the list) and sent that around#and made a poll for people to vote for their preferred place#and some people in the group have been taking FOREVER to respond with their opinions about accommodation#like to the point where all the other good places on the list have been booked up now and there is just one left#which luckily is the one with the most votes#and today i was like (about to book that one) ok well before i book i'm just checking that everyone is ok with these dates?#and some of them were like ohhh actually no. we haven't booked our flights yet so we're not sure which days exactly we'll be there#WHAT DO YOU MEAN!#in fairness i should've checked that we were all on the same page about dates beforehand#but like. the trip is literally in like 5 weeks AND during a public holiday like omfggggggg everywhere is gonna be booked out#do you know how hard it is to find accommodation for 6 people#and i don't even know the people who haven't been responding/haven't booked their flights/whatever#they're friends of a friend (who will also be coming on the trip) and i know nothing about them#i think i would be a lot less annoyed if it was just my friends because we would've just hopped on a call and sorted everything out in like#one night. otherwise we know + trust each other enough to make decisions for each other if we can't/don't want to be involved in planning
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I do really want to terrorpost but I don't feel qualified to be in that fandom man...... everyone is so smart and creative and they all have advanced degrees and I'm just sitting here like I think the lieutenants are in love :3
#also I am too weird about George#I'm going to get banned from terrorblr for saying what I want to do to that strange blonde autism creature#Starky's original posts#Anyways they have an online convention that doubles as an academic conference for polar exploration enthusiasts. Because of course they do.#And I signed up watched the webinars opened discord for the first time in forever and lurked in the server. Very impressive very fun.#Very reminiscent of every other gathering I've ever attended in that I knew no one and said nothing and did nothing#and emerged feeling only second-hand emotions.#ok that wasn't what the post was supposed to be about wtf#anyways I am excited for tomorrow's stuff#they have two of the actors attending but luckily none of the Lieutenants#so I don't need to have myself destroyed like a wild animal that might be rabid and you can't afford to take a risk lest it go mad and kill#Show has me regressing to childhood Hodge-style my dudes I am incapable of all speech all I can do is hold George in my hands#and show him to you so so shyly#You ask me what I have there and I burst into tears#<<< person who lied and has not actually emerged from months long mental health episode yet#But the holidays are coming up so NO TIME! I NEED TO GET PPL GIFTS! FOCUS! GOODNIGHT <3
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C-can I make a request…? (Please feel free to ignore if you’d rather not!)
HDW parent-child comfort? Maybe Volga gets a chance to comfort Link, or Impa can comfort him? Idk girl I’m just starving for comfort and warm fuzzy vibes and cuddles lol
Yes you may! (though I will say requests are closed so nobody send me more thanks <3)
It took me a while to contrive a situation where Impa would feel comfortable snuggling but I think I made it work! You’ll have to forgive me for the angst there ended up being, but there is comfort and cuddles I promise 😂
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It’s not a dangerous wound.
Head wounds always bleed a lot, and almost always look worse than they are, so there’s no need for her to panic.
Yet despite how many times Impa tells herself these words, she can’t seem to banish the dread in her gut at the memory of seeing Link get slammed to the ground by an aeralfos’s shield, and not get up even after it had been killed by another soldier.
She shouts his name as he goes down, but the battle is a mess, and Impa is stuck in a fight of her own and can’t immediately get to Link. She manages a glimpse of him through the hordes, blood all over his face, and her heart stops as she fights even more viciously.
By the time she finally forces her way past the monsters in her path, Link is already being carried out of battle by a handful of medics. Impa wants to stop right there and follow them and demand to know if he’s okay, but they’re at a crucial point in the battle, and leaving now would be disastrous.
They wouldn’t be carrying him off if he wasn’t alive, he’s alive, calm down, she berates herself, but for some reason her hands won’t stop shaking.
The moment Cia’s monsters retreat and the men raise up a cheer, Impa makes a beeline for the medical tent, ignoring the questions lobbed at her by various army personnel. Link has certainly been injured before, but there’d been so much blood on him...
The medics are expecting someone to come looking for Link apparently, and the moment she steps inside the medical tent, she’s whisked off to a more private corner, curtains blocking the area from both the sounds and sights of anyone walking by.
And immediately sees Link lying silently on a bed, nearly as pale as the bandage around his head.
Impa exhales as she goes to his side, and watches his chest go up and down for a moment. The blood has been cleaned from his face at least, but he’s unnaturally still, and pale.
But he’s breathing.
“How is he?” Impa asks, and the medic beside Link hums.
“He has a concussion along with the laceration the shield left, but we’ve stopped the bleeding. He woke up enough to handle a potion about fifteen minutes ago,” she reports. “He’ll likely be disoriented for a while while the potion works through him. He may need another at a later point, but overall, he should be fine with some rest,” the medic smiles. Impa nods, still trying to ease the fear constricting her.
See, he’s fine, they said he’ll be fine, he just needs rest. He’s fine.
Link’s chest goes slowly up and down again, and Impa swallows.
“I’ve got some other patients to check up on, I’ll leave you to visit,” the medic says, seeming to sense her presence isn’t wanted, and she slips out from the curtain, leaving Impa alone with her son.
It’s rather quiet with her gone.
Impa exhales again, and looks at Link, pale and quiet, seeming unusually small under the thin blanket that he’s tucked under. There’s still blood matted in his hair, and Impa hesitates, then reaches forward, gently teasing some of it out.
It falls almost dust-like onto his pillow, and she brushes it off, intent on not thinking about how close Link came to dying and how she couldn’t do a thing to help him.
She can still see hear his cry as he’d fallen to the ground.
“Mmngh...”
“Link?” Impa asks immediately, leaning over him as his face twitches.
It takes him a minute, but he blearily opens his eyes, pupils unevenly sized as he blinks up at her. The sight of his blues, even dazed as they are, eases the fear in her chest somewhat, and she swallows as he stares.
“‘mpa?” he slurs, and she nods, unable to stop her exhale. He’s fine, see, he’s awake, relax. “Wh’...?”
“You were injured, Link. You got hit rather hard in the head with a large metal shield,” Impa explains slowly. Link scrunches up his face like he’s trying to remember such an event happening. “You’re currently in the medics tent.”
Link slowly blinks at her, not a whit of comprehension in his gaze.
“...shield?”
“Yes, a shield hit you. Hard.”
The memory of blood flashes in Impa’s vision again, and she very pointedly ignores it as Link’s eyes scrunch in confusion.
“Where’s... m’ shield?” he mumbles.
“It’s with your other gear, Link. It’s safe.”
"Oh..." he trails off, and slowly blinks. "...Wh' happen?"
Impa sighs. The medic had said he’d be disoriented. "You were injured, Link. You're resting in the medical tent."
He hums in reply, and slowly rolls his head to the side so he can look at her more easily, eyes trailing hazily across her face. The unsure, almost guarded look that’s been on his face whenever he’s looked at her lately is completely absent, nothing but open trust and bleary confusion.
It’s... almost more painful, in a way.
Impa swallows, and sits on the stool that’s been left beside his bed, Link’s eyes flickering at the noise. He stares at her again, and blinks, a little frown pulling at his cheeks.
“Don’t cry,” he murmurs.
“...Link, I’m not crying,” Impa replies slowly, and Link stretches a hand in the vague direction of her face, obviously rather uncoordinated.
“Eyes’r red,” he says worriedly, and somehow manages to land a hand on her cheek. “Looks like... if you’re cryin’.”
Impa can’t help letting out a soft chuckle as he clumsily tries to wipe away an imaginary tear, and she gently pulls Link’s hand off her cheek, setting it back at his side. “I haven’t been crying, Link. My eyes are naturally this color.”
Link squints at her, face disbelieving, then he frowns.
“I want red eyes,” he says in a sad voice, and Impa brushes his hair away from where it had fallen in his eyes.
“Blue eyes are just as nice as red,” she says patiently, gently picking some more of the blood from his hair. She's talked to her share of concussed people, but concussed Link is... especially curious to speak with. “I’ve always liked blue, actually.”
“Oh... okay. I guess blue... 'r nice."
Link leans into her touch, and Impa holds her hand there longer than she would have otherwise, his eyes slipping closed again. He doesn’t speak for a minute, and Impa almost thinks he’s fallen asleep when he softly grunts.
“I don’t feel good,” he mumbles. “C'n you fix it?”
The way his voice wavers makes something squeeze in her chest. “I’m afraid not. The red potion should help fix you up soon Link, but it’s going to take a little while. You’ll just have to be patient.”
“Head hurts... ‘n stomach.”
“You have a concussion, that’s not surprising,” Impa sighs. “But the red potion should help with that. They’ll both fade, you’ll be all right.”
“Left,” he mumbles, and Impa raises a confused eyebrow. “‘M left-handed. Not right.”
Impa breathes a soft chuckle. “That you are. My apologies.”
Link goes quiet again, and Impa watches him, his face slightly pinched in discomfort. She’s unable to stop herself from studying his face as the silence stretches between them, idly picking out the features he shares with her and his father.
He’s got Volga’s hair, though it’s paler then his, a hint of his Sheikah blood coming through. His nose is hers, as is the overall shape of his face, but his eyes are solely how Volga’s used to be, blue and bright.
Looking at him, you'd never guess he had such unusual blood.
Link must feel her gaze on him, as he opens his eyes and looks at her again. His eyes are eyes half lidded, but focused on her face, and a frown appears on his lips as pain suddenly ripples across his expression. His forehead crinkles, discomfort suddenly more obvious as he shifts in his bed, and Impa leans forward, looking at him with worry.
“Link?”
He squeezes his eyes shut, then opens them again, looking at her with a truly miserable expression.
“...Hurts,” he whispers.
And maybe it’s the time of voice he uses, maybe it’s the mixture of tears and dizziness in his eyes, or the fact that he just looks so young and small and hurt lying there, but Impa abruptly gives in to the side of herself begging to do something other then just sit here.
He likely won't remember any of this tomorrow anyway.
She stands up from her stool as Link lets out a soft groan, and sits herself on the bed, gently sliding him over so she can sit beside him. Her plan was to merely provide comfort by sitting there, but Link almost immediately latches onto her, curling himself halfway on her lap.
Impa can’t really breathe for a few seconds as her son nestles up to her, face still pained, but more relaxed then before. She watches him as he tries to get settled, but he seems to be having trouble finding a comfortable position for his head.
So Impa throws her remaining caution to the wind, and does something she hasn’t done since Link was a baby.
She slowly, carefully, slides him up, shifting him around so his head is resting on her shoulder. Then she begins to gently pet his hair, her fingers trembling a little.
Link goes still, then relaxes, the pain easing on his face.
“There you go...” she says quietly, still slowly running a hand through his hair. She’s careful to avoid the bandages, making sure her fingers only card through hair, and Link about melts under her touch.
A soft sigh escapes him, and Impa swallows, the fact that this is the first time she’s held Link since he was tiny not lost on her.
She quickly blinks back the sting in her eyes.
A sound almost like purring suddenly vibrates from Link’s throat, soft and faint, just loud enough that Impa can hear it. She blinks at him in surprise, but Link doesn’t notice, well on his way to falling asleep.
Impa keeps petting his hair as he dozes against her, the little rumbly noises still coming from his throat. He nuzzles up to her a little more, and Impa pulls his blanket up around his shoulders, holding him just a bit tighter as he finally drifts off.
It's unlikely he'll have any memory of this occurring, Impa quietly soothing him as he falls asleep in her arms.
But that's okay.
Holding him again after so long, gently teasing the last bits of blood from his hair, his head resting under her chin as he softly rumbles... it's enough.
She closes her eyes, and Link sighs again, fully asleep.
It's enough.
#I don't know how warm and fuzzy I suceeded in making this but I did my best#hdw au#impa#link#tw blood#tw concussion#? i guess#answers from the floor#skyloftian nutcase my beloved#writing from the floor#I hate to say it but if dragons roar then technically they shouldn’t also be able to purr#but. luckily it’s fiction and I can do whatever I want 👍#so. purr. hehe.#Impa: *trying to respect Link's space because things are still weird between them*#*but also knowing he's concussed and has no clue what's going on* this is fine
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the transit app literally locks full and complete departure times and routes behind its paid "royale" subscription??
#ace rambles#including MY ROUTE HOME.#paid subscription for pretty themes and extra icons? sure. paid subscription for the literal actual function of the app?? deranged.#luckily pierce transit ''wants the best for its riders''#so if i ''keep using the app like normal'' i'll be upgraded for free#i did also email them to see if they can upgrade me faster because i do ride every day#which according to them makes me eligible as a regular rider#but what an insane way to run a navigation app
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boba date doodleeeee
extra:
the reference
#one of shuichis likes is boba tea and i am CLINGING TO THIS#tired of always giving him coffee smh give him variety.... let him have a little fun........#can u tell what this post was really about. i just rly rly rly wanted an excuse to draw shuichi in this outfit NGKSGKADFJK#which led to me not knowing what to do for kokichi. luckily i have outfit gacha games for that#i just slapped an outfit tgtr and called it a day#n e ways hiiiiii im still alive hiiiiiiii . drops this n crawls back into the abyss#shuichi saihara#kokichi ouma#kokichi oma#saiouma#oumasai#breeze art#is ur bf ever so hot u clench ur drink so hard it shoots out ur nose#hes lucky a boba pearl didnt get sucked up in there.........#we're not talking about the embarrassingly long time it took me to remember how to add a read more
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I heard we're like. Sans-ing him now?
So here's Magolor except he's in Robobot.
#magolor#anyways. my actual opinion on this is the same as mine on sa/ns aus.#the character is interesting enough in canon. i don't really see the point in making your own. there's already a lot to explore.#but! luckily i don't dictate what other people can do.#magolor au your hearts out if you want i guess. im just not into it. this is more of a what-if scenario than an alternate version of him.#i'm not going to do anything with him. if you want to; though; feel free to ask.
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tagged by @cryptcombat and @dekarios for this super cute picrew, tysm 🫶🫶
raven x ric pre-HB | raven x daniel when she returns - fallen hero if
florence x daeran - p: wotr | ellie x dante - remember you will die if
tagging: @aztarion @rosymorns @pollard-zero @kirnet
@nightwardenminthara @nsewell @gonesoft-ish
@druidgroves @lavampira @astrovagrant @agentnatesewell and anyone else who'd like to do this <3
#doing this made me realize idk what anyone's nose looks like😭😭#sorry had to put raven twice. it's what she'd want. she's like my los diablos barbie#also galfrey is still alive so florence and daeran (luckily) aren't ruling but what's a little roleplay with blood amirite#and well. just hard launching ellie and dante. i played rywd and now it's almost all i can think about#they haven't even kissed yet. closest is her holding onto him while they're on his motorcycle😔#dante's front pieces are white btw but you can't split hair color so 💔#oc: raven tassos#raven x ortega#oc: florence#florence x daeran#ellie x dante#oc: ellie wexman#raven x daniel
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if u ever need to laugh just be in the matt smith community as a raging lesbian
#i. dont. get. it.#ive been laughing for like twenty minutes#twenty minutes? twenty minutes#sorry anyway#ive been obsessed with matt smith since i was 14#luckily i was not really on thr internet at that time#i was content with sobbing over yowzah in my bedroom over ans over again#then i find out wait… u guys think hes hot when eleven is flirting with river 😟#whar#i thought…. i though#t we were all just obsessed with their relationship separately#ok im also vv demiaroace lately so like.#but still#wh…w…wdym u want to be matt smiths bad girl#no i wanna be 14 again… get me off matt smith thirdt tok or wtv u wanna call it#eleven is a silly little guy PLEASEEEE#‘how can eleven be demisexual’ so theres this thing called moffat sucks !!!!#xxxx#genuinely domt understand the attraction. sorry.#how do i say im lesbian for matt smith like people r gonna think im attracted#to him#eleven is me im him ^_^#then i find out these people who kin him want to… kiss him#what.#sorry this is actually crazy to me#im sorry im sure ur normal if ur attracted to matt smith….uh..m…#what do i even tag yhis as#wuh luh wuh#😋xxxx#lesbian
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good morning. thinking again of juve and her dog
#oreste garifalle save me. save me oreste garifalle (he cannot even save himself)#i just.. man its so over. by the time they encounter each other juve is the worst shes ever been & oreste doesnt yet know he could be better#so. sure. juve needs to gather the pieces of herself back up and double down on her coping mechanisms but not thinking at all about whats#happened to her/how she was affected by it and by instead fixating on someone elses problems. she needs to offer drive and direction to#another in order to feel more in control of herself#and luckily for her unluckily for himself. by the time she finds him. oreste is only Just stumbling out of a gothic pseudoincest nightmare#in which all of his own wants and desires have been very deliberately placed on a shelf higher than he can reach and hes all too eager#to accidentally replicate previous dynamics (dog) with someone new#so. tldr. juve needs to control/'fix' someone and oreste as of yet only knows how to be controlled/molded in anothers image#which would already be so bad except to top it off. juve is steadily fucking losing it. due to the repression crimes#and even as she tries to distance herself from the emotional aftermath of what she went through. it bleeds into the way she treats oreste#instead. like.#her base level dehumanization of him would already be bad but. as is. in the way it finds her.#juve completely lacks the finesse or grace or awareness to approach it as she normally would#so she instead traps them both in this horrible codependent situation where her 'fixing' oreste mostly involves her going oh! i know!#your problem is that youre not in touch with your anger right? you should be angry about what those guys did to you but youre not rigjt??#so!! easy fix!! lets just get you angry!!!#<- girl who is not entirely wrong but has also never processed any of her own anger a day in her life and Will be projecting#<- girl who will treat you both as a metaphor/extension of herself but Also as a recreation of the previous dynamic she was in with an#excessively angry individual#<- girl who decides the best way to put you in touch with your anger again is by. repeatedly triggering you until you protest#essentially bending your finger back and waiting to see which will come first. you letting it break or begging her to stop#and oreste is always too deeply traumatized and overwhelmed to do anything but let it break. so.#notnow#juve mizani#oreste garifalle#one of my favorite scenes i have planned for them is her making oreste relay what his abuser (kai) looked like. in detail.#as a skinshifter herself.#you see where this is going.#you should send me asks about them btw. if you want. also if you dont
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@echoes-lighthouse It IS almost Halloween, so here are Sun and I's costumes (Trick or Treating in the Pizzaplex)
I'm fan favorite character Freddy Fazbear (cobbled together via gift shop merch) and he's a totally nondescript run-of-the-mill Pirate! (don't worry about where he got his costume; no one's using it anymore anyway)
#Emile's Arts#Sun#Cradle Ship#Proship Selfship#Proship Agere#Yay I'm so glad I managed to do both#I really wracked my brain on this cause like#This S/I is VERY limited in what he can wear#Gift shop T-Shirts is really about it#Thankyou again Echo for the ask#Blessed with silly doodling tonight#Sun DROWING in Foxy's big ass coat#Foxy's pants are actually part of his exosuit if you go by help wanted 2's model so Sun had to DIY those#Luckily there's plenty of disposable Pizzaplex night guards still roaming around!#I wonder how he got human pants to stay up on his itty bitty waist.........#The world may never know...#Thanks again for asking and taking such an interest in my FNaF SB S/I#He's really gone to the wayside recently#I haven't drawn Sun in an actual year#I like it when people have a specific selfship of mine they ask about regularly#Way more fun than them just defaulting to whoever I'm posting about most recently. At least to me kdjfdksg
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Can only imagine the stress of getting as many asks as you do… you’re a true pioneer in Longloving and your effort doesn’t go unnoticed. Please take all the time you need answering everyone we appreciate you!!🤍
Oh, don't worry, I don't answer anything that I dont want too. It just happens that I'm a fucking 𝓯𝓻𝓮𝓪𝓴 and I love writing bizarre shit.
#it just takes a while to generate the ideas then translate them to text in a way that sounds good#can you tell writing has never been my strong suit?#im happy people like reading what i have to offer#after seeing the movie for the first time and seeing NOBODY writing for him. a single tear rolled down my cheek#it was really giving “I am burdened with a glorious purpose” tbh. and i needed to get the ball rollong#luckily i may be able to retire soon and pawn off my ideas on other unsuspecting blogs#i do like writing i just get busy. but as long as people still want me to and still send asks I'll keep answering them#to the best of my ability really#its really sweet of you to say that. i appreciate anyone who's stuck with me through all the nasty shit i post 🥰#ask
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I got a job
#personal#ok now that april fools is over because it's now apr 2nd 12am here and it wont be sus to announce something this big#but yeah#i finally got a job#i actually got the job offer a few days ago but i've just signed it and sent it back today#got the pay that i want#had to negotiate the annual leaves because what they offered at first was low#luckily they accepted my request#but yeah gonna start my new job in 2 weeks after the eid holidays here#SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO YAY#now to try and speedrun things i want to do before i officially start work hahaha#ive saved this screenshot for this moment you can tell
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post ankle-twisting clarity
#i slipped in the mudddddd the other day LOL i twisted my one ankle and scraped up my other knee#so the past few days ive just been kind of needing to waddle around.....#LUCKILY its healing well and fast <3 but yknow i was like#so stressed out over shit that doesnt matter in school. and like this is an awful unintentional habit i have but i will get like#overly stressed over shit and then i'll start getting SUPER careless with everything. and then i'll injure myself foolishly and Calm Down#happened last year with my foolish midnight woodcarving incident LOL its always november....#BUT yeah luckily this years foolish injury is a quick one at least!!#but yeah like genuinely i was so stressed out about all my fine arts major shit. teachers have been really getting on my case recently#my main professor said that it was a good thing people get so riled up with my work because it means its impactful#tbh i didnt believe her at all i thought she was just trying to placate me but then i listened closely to the things faculty say when#they look at my fucking. cartoon wolf drawing or something and i think. she might be right actually. people keep getting frustrated with me#because i think they see a lot of potential in me but i basically only have to drive to draw cartoon wolves etc HFKJSDHJVKRFEds#which is great for my ego. maybe too good for my ego. that my mark making and colour use etc is so evocative to these industry and#instutition people. but on the other hand i was told like thrice now that my work has no place in a gallery. which is fine although im not#totally sure how true that is. but also afterwards one time i was suggested to go into animation instead which is. um.#so its not out of nowhere i mean i did want to be an animator when i was like 10 but if you know anything about the current state of the#animation industry its like genuinely wild to tell someone who you've only seen 2 dimensional watercolour and acrylic painted#sketchy lined drawings from and who has said they cant do digital art anymore that they should get an animation degree?#brother they would kill me. i would be killed. i had an inkling but it really made me notice so clearly how limited the experiences my#faculty kind of have with certain industries. which is fine. or maybe not. for a professor LOL but yknow. but i was like huh. i guess i can#just kind of chill lol if i just keep doing things maybe something will come of it. i may not get as much help in my artistic development#rn as i would like. but its chill i think i'll figure it out if i just keep doing stuff <3#doesnt really matter that my teachers dont know what to do with me. my kneeeee has a booboo so i am CHILLING out :)
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Lol I keep on doing this, saying I'd come back to tumblr to only disappear again 😂😭
#and i hate it bc i miss being on here#but also i don't have to force myself or feel guilty for it#bc if i'm fr being on social media is just so time consuming and also not what is good for my mental health often#and that includes tumblr#it's not even that it's a toxic place (at least not the content i'm consuming) but sometimes i just rather spend my time with people irl#meeting someone than on social media and like focus on my life#the last month or so was just really difficult for me and i haven't been feeling so bad mentally in forever#i mean it always is like that that time of the year but i feel like i was worse this year#whenever autumn comes around with the darkness and cold i seem to hit a low mentally#when i tell you how much better my mood is in summer spring how much better i feel everyday regardless of everything else#i get people like autumn but for me its literally the worst and winter too altough at some point it gets better#maybe i adapt and maybe because i spend more time outside around christmas when i go home that's usually a turning point#and ig also the lights of december make it a bit better#but mid october to november is awful#this year the weather was much worse beginning of october was much worse#i feel like i lowkey have this seasonal mood disorder idk#but i barely managed to go to classes and i had no motivation#usually i always make myself study and do the things i have to atleast altough i often terribly procrastinate#but now i was barely able to do this and i had things to do but i couldn't make myself i missed a deadline closely#luckily my professors are the best but i felt so horrible for it how i was unable to get it done#sunlight is just so good for my mood and ik how doctors say how you should avoid it because you can get skincancer#but like i'd rather than my mental health being this bad (not that i want either)#i already miss summer so much and being happier#but tbh i haven't felt this good as I do today in weeks and even this whole week was better#i exercised more than usual altough i tried to in the last weeks i couldn't as often as i normally do so maybe this actually helps a lot#and i studied yesterday today and i will tomorrow i finally feel motivation again#besides i also tried to break up with my bf so that was also tough but i couldn't lol#i tried talking to him and tell him in the nicest way but he didn't get what i was trying to do and i couldn't say more bc i felt horrible#but maybe that's for the better altough i had these thoughts for a while that he just isn't the one for me and that we're too different...#i do really like him as a person the way he treats me and i'm still into him but i just felt like it wouldn't work
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aha
#guess who might posibly be a lil suisidal again#its not that i want to or plan to. i just. i really wish my illness would go away already#i might not be able to eat meat anymore now and. i cant do soy or nuts. so how the fuck can i get that-#like mabey theres miracle plant based protine that isng nut but. i doubt#luckily have appointment wjth doc tomorrow so gonna talk with em about my meat problems and ya#hopefully eating will fully stop hurting soon and ill be able to go and stand and such#i dont even know what im gonna do when i hopefully get better now. i just hopw i do get better#or this gets managable. gonna go onto expensive weird med again and see what thag dose.#might also ask about a different pain referal and mabey even some blood work to make sure im doing okay and smth else hasent poped up
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