#love them because i am rather vengeful myself

[cloversnstrawberries]

platonic!yandere!alastor & 1950s!teen!gn!reader ! ! [prologue]

series masterlist ! !

description; You and your pals were taking a ride in your friend, Matty's, nice convertible, enjoying the last moments of summer break before school started up again for your senior year. A rich kid without a driver's license and his daddy's BMW changed that all.

additional notes; the start of a series! this doesn't feature Alastor, considering this is just how Reader died/got to hell in the first place, and a little bit of backstory involving them. I tried to make reader as non-descript as possible so you could insert yourself in their shoes! enjoy :] this chapter is pretty heavy though, so be careful!

also, i thought i should mentioned that reader in here is a wolverine! i've always associated them with anger. be ready for a lot of symbolism in this series, that's my jam.

warnings; graphic violence, graphic description of corpses, car crashes, murder (for the sake of revenge), death of close friends, stabbing, head trauma, lots of mentions of blood, brief mention of vomit/vomiting, + let me know if i missed any !

w/c; 2.1k

While alive, you hadn't put much thought in where you'd go afterwards. After all, you were in the prime of your life! Your senior year was about to begin, and you and your friends were squeezing the last bits of joy from your summer break before it ended.

You were sure you still had at least 50 years in you, and you were carefree. Sitting in the passenger seat of one of your closest friend's car, three of your others pals right behind you-- chatting, enjoying the warm summer rays and fresh air blowing past you as your friends rode around town in Matty's bright red Chevy convertable.

Nothing could go wrong, you thought-- you hadn't even considered the notion, not even as you heard tires screeching down the street Matty was just driving by-- not even as you heard the police sirens blaring,

"It's probably a speeder," You heard Lorraine say behind you, and you turned to respond, assuming she was talking to you. She was, in fact, addressing Marnie and not you-- but ever the nosy nancy, you asked "What're you talking about?"

Lorraine looked at you, and shrugged. She gestured to Marnie, who'd taken off her cateye-framed glasses and cleaned them on her nice silk blouse. It'd been a nervous habit of hers ever since you met her, way back in the 5th grade on the first day of school.

"Marnie here's being a worry wart 'bout that screeching." You looked at Lorraine again, then to Marnie, who eyed the side streets wearily. "I'm just saying, it sounds awfully close and awfully unpredictable-- it sounds like they're looping through all the streets. Who knows when they'll merge onto main--"

Rudy playfully shoved Marnie, pushing her into Lorraine on accident. He gave an apologetic smile before saying in a softer tone, one you didn't hear very often from the class clown-- "Oh c'mon Marns! Don't be such a party pooper! it's probably Dick takin' a joyride in his dads new BMW. He said he was gonna take it for a spin soon."

This time, worry began to settle in your chest. "I thought Dick didn't have a drivers license?" and Lorraine's brows furrowed and she replied "He doesn't."

Rudy tugged at the color of his polo shirt, looking to the side nervously as he leaned back "Hey! It might not be him, who knows! Just a guess, no need to take it as gospel."

For a few seconds, the conversation dropped. The only thing you bunch could hear was the wind whistling by, Matty's radio playing Everyday by Buddy Holly, birds chirping, the police sirens wailing and the shrieking of someones tired.

"What's everyone talking about?" Matty asked, and Lorraine said "Just talking about all that noise." And Matty gave his signature smile, his bright laugh following shortly behind. You could see why girls threw themselves at him like nobody's business-- he does have a certain charm, you found yourself thinking.

The perfect golden boy-- your group often called him "boy scout supreme" on account of how painfully good natured he was. "clark kent" was a close second for the most used nickname regarding his behavior.

He was not superman, though, as you'd come to learn. He wasn't invincible, because as he opened his mouth to reply-- try to soothe everyone's gringles, especially Marnie...

"It sounds really close," You said, pushing yourself up using the armrests and leaning forward to peek past Matty and--

Sure enough, it was a fancy blue and white BMW that you saw. Dick at the drivers wheel, seeming to have shaken the cop that was trailing after him. He was heading right for you bunch, and just as you opened your mouth to scream-- to tell at Matty to swerve, about ready to reach forward yourself and grab the steering wheel--

The two vehicles collided, sending the both of them through the safety railings and tumbling down. The five of you had nothing to protect you from the brunt of it all-- you were lucky enough to be in the passanger seat, and quick thinking led you to hiding under the footwell. You were lucky enough to cram yourself in before the car really started rolling.

You aren't sure how long it took the car to stop rolling. The forest off the side of main's hill were pretty damn steep, the steepest point of them was where you'd been passing by before Dick came speeding your guys' way.

When it stopped, you stayed inside the footwell for a while longer. Your head was pounding like hell, and you grimaced as the sticky blood gushed from a wound somewhere on her forehead-- you're pretty sure there was another gash on the back of your head, contributing to the awful headache.

When you heard a door open, you felt hope. Hope that your friends had survived, despite having no real protection.

You lot were lucky enough to land the right-side up, not trapped underneath like those Soap Opera's your gran liked to watch all the time. You were careful to be slow, to be methodical with your movements as you set to wrangling yourself from your hidey-hole in the footwell.

Footsteps, footsteps on the underbrush-- they sounded pretty steady for someone who's been in a crash like you'd been in, so that lending you the idea that it was Matty. Always calm and collected-- Rudy would probably be screaming his head off by now, Marnie crying as Lorraine comforted the girl.

You hope to whatever God is willing to listen that they're just unconscious.

The footsteps were walking away-- you wanted to cry out, stop! stop, i'm still here! but you knew Matty couldn't of been leaving you. His first instinct, for better or for worse, to go seek help no matter what. You were only halfway-through pushing yourself from the footwell, it was bent in and damaged from the rolling. It was harder to get out of than it was to get in, for more then one reason.

When you'd finally managed to pull yourself free, and stand, you stumbled, woozy. Vision blurred, and mouth desert-dry.

"Matty?" You called out, voice barely above a hoarse whisper. You turned to your side-- you'd slammed against a big oak tree. That's fine. You'd get out from behind,

You would've screamed if you could've. As you took in Lorraine-- god, was that even Lorraine? Her face was so mangled, blood coating the slashes where her eyes, nose, and mouth would've been-- clinging to it, making it impossible to tell anything.

You reached forward. She gave no reaction. You looked to her side-- Marnie... that had to have been Marnie, was no better off. Her glasses gone, her head twisted to an unnatural angle-- a broken neck.

Rudy wasn't even there, and that gave you hope. Hope that was quickly dashed as you saw his body lying lifeless about 20 feet up the hill. He never was good on wearing his seatbelt, not like the rest of you were.

Okay. That's- you... you can just get out Matty's side! That'd be easy, since he was the one who got up--

This time, this time you were able to scream. It wasn't very loud, more of a yelp with how much your throat hurt. Matty's... Matty's head wasn't there. It was gone. It was jus--

Oh... oh no, you'd leaned over to try and look for his head, where it could've gone in the underbrush. Only to have it brush against your leg, still attached to his neck by way of a thin strand of sinew.

You fought to keep down whatever was still in your stomach. You failed miserably.

Once you were finished upchucking, you came to a realization.

You looked to the fancy BMW, it'd landed upright too. It's got a roof, no matter how damaged the thing was. The door was open, and there was no trace of Dick.

The bastard's just gonna walk away you realized, rage fueling you as you hauled yourself over the body of your friend-- you said a quick apology to Matty, though he couldn't very well hear it. You wobbled out the car, and then looked to Rudy's body.

Dick was going to get away with it, you knew he was. His dad was a wealthy oil tycoon and his mother was an heiress to a popular beauty brand her ma ran. You and your friends were nobodies compared to them, simple, regular people. Not rich, not like Dick was.

You stumbled to Rudy's body, swallowing your next bout of upchuck as you kneeled by his body. You said a quick apology, before rummaging in his pockets.

Soon enough, you found what you were looking for. A switchblade, one Rudy liked to use for tricks to impress gals and spook Marnie, who insisted he was gonna cut himself on it one of these days.

When you stood, your vision blacked out and you had to lean against a tree before regaining it. Judging by the state of you, you weren't going to last very long either. You could either try and scale the hill to go get help,

Or trail after Dick, make sure he didn't get away with this like he surely would without your say. You'd already had your mind made when you'd fished Rudy's switchblade from the pocket of his torn, bloody chinos.

You had a good idea where Dick had gone off to, low-hanging branches broken, a path through the fallen leaves and underbrush caused by dragging feet.

Despite your injuries-- the adrenaline surely running through your system definitely helping you in your mission-- you managed to catch up with the boy. He was a lot better off than any of your friends, obviously-- and yourself. All things considered, he looked like he'd gotten into a parking lot fight more than a car crash that killed all four of your friends right away (god, you hope it was right away. you hope they didn't suffer),

But you want Dick to suffer. You want his suffering to amount to what he may have caused your friends in their end.

His back was still turned as you approached him. You know you weren't being quiet, no matter how hard you try; either his hearing was damaged or he didn't deem the noise important enough to turn around.

When you grabbed his shoulder, he become very aware of you. He became even more aware of you when you jabbed the switchblade in his shoulder. There was a tussle-- he was in much better condition than you, but in the end you won out. Your rage refusing to let you stay down, to let him get away with this.

You don't remember what you said, the words tumbling out of your mouth as you climbed on top of him. You stabbed him, all non-fatal unless you left him to bleed out.

You felt yourself begin to slip, as if your life was falling through the cracks in your fingers as if it was a tangible thing. Growing lethargic, numb to the pain and tired. You couldn't go on. You wanted to draw it out more, but...

If you left him, there was still a chance someone could find him before he succumbed to blood loss or whatever brain trauma he may have endured (like you had).

You remember what you said last, even if your consciousness was slipping. You'd never forget what you said at you drove Rudy's beloved switchblade into the scums forehead, you said it as loud as you could, but it wasn't much. Hoarsely, you call out,

"I'll see you in hell."

You don't remember how long you lasted after Dick stopped moving. You pulled the switch blade from his head, and with what energy you left you headed back to the crash. You wanted to give Rudy his knife back. It was the least you could do for your friend,

But you didn't make it. At least, you don't think you made it to him. It's uncertain-- everything got so blurry at the end. You don't remember collapsing, one moment you’re shambling towards the hill; Rudy's corpse in sight, quickly cooling and sure to become a snack for some wildlife (just as you all were, probably),

and the next, you were in a field on stinging nettle, luckily having fallen in one of the various patches devoid of the plant. Your mouth felt crowded like never before, yours hands were clawed, and you took that time to just sit. To look around, and realize where exactly you were.

In hell. You were... definitely in hell, like you'd expected. You glanced around, expecting Dick to fall down-- but he died before you. probably walked away by now, if hell-time was like earth-time, you were unsure; you just knew that Dick wasn't here right now-- or maybe he'd dropped somewhere else. You aren't sure how this works.

After all, you just got here. Just an hour or so ago, you'd been thinking about what you'd wear to the first day of school. Now that was the last thing on your mind.

[elizmanderson]

2024 wrap-up, part 1

part two | part three | part four

[ABBA voice] here we go again, my my—

anyway, now that I've put that song in your head, let's look back at my year

writing

book stuff

as you may know, my second book, The Keeper of Lonely Spirits, releases in March 2025! so I spent much of this year editing, then editing some more, then line editing, then copy editing, then going over pass pages, then over more pass pages... the process never ends (until it's too late to make changes)

(artist: Xuan Loc Xuan)

if you find any typos in the final book come March, instead of being annoyed about them, you should recognize their determination and give them an award for MVT (most valuable typo) and a kiss on their lil typewritten forehead. because they made it not only through my own fifty six thousand rereads, but also through my agent, my editor, my copy editor, and my proofreader, and I think almost every single one of those people went through the book at least twice

anyway, The Keeper of Lonely Spirits is a cozy fantasy about an old man cursed with immortality who hunts ghosts rather than making mortal friends who will die one day. when the residents of an Ohio town beset by a vengeful spirit adopt him as their own, he must decide: leave to protect his heart, or stay to save their lives?

link to StoryGraph listing

link to signed preorders through my local indie

link to unsigned preorders through the publisher

I also received my first ever trade reviews, one of which was a starred review from Library Journal! trade reviews can convince booksellers and libraries to purchase the book, especially if positive, especially if starred. they look good on a book's resume

read the reviews here:

link to Library Journal review

link to Publishers Weekly review

short stories

because I was so busy with novel stuff, I only wrote one short story this year. part of one short story. back at the start of January.

you know what happened? I let it sit for a few days for reasons I no longer remember, and when I came back I couldn't remember quite where I was going with it a l a s

anyway it's a queer Cinderella-inspired short, and I'd love to magically figure out a direction for it afresh so I can finish it in 2025

in-progress stuff

...we still won't talk about how revising last year's cozy mystery is going, but in my defense (a) I've been on deadline for other things and (b) just nine chapters in I had already strayed so far from my scene list that I had to rethink the whole book, whoops

mostly, I've been working on the second book that this publisher bought, which has resulted in a very terrible first draft full of so many footnotes and brackets that I would almost call it a zero draft, except I can't bring myself to use that term*

(*for myself. y'all use it as much as you like, if you like it)

literally it was 79,000 words, 6,000 words of which were footnotes-to-self so as not to ruin my fancy WIP aesthetic (Blackadder and Perpetua ftw) with comments

anyway, then there was a marginally less terrible second draft, which is what my editor got (a respectable 98,000 words with zero footnotes and almost zero brackets)

THEN I was supposed to take a break and not think about the book again until my editor read it and got back to me...but instead I immediately wrote a brand new synopsis, sent it to her like "seriously you don't even have to read the version I already sent you bc it's gonna look so different," and then a couple weeks later whoops turned around started rewriting the whole story

which isn't going great bc I really DO need a break, I can TELL I need a break, but unfortunately when it comes to writing my brain is like "NO BREAK. ONLY WRITE >:[" which is Not Good. but I am trying to let myself casually poke at it instead of going hard and getting it done fast enough to send to my editor before she can even read the version she has lolol, so that's something

no-context spoilers for this WIP:

(tried finding the original post but could not, so screenshot from the internet it is)

that's it for part one! part two to follow is here! link to part two

[chapfallenpoet]

From the Ashes

Unlabelled, September 2024

Weather / Time Unknown

Dear me of the present ...

I was angry. Two Thursdays ago was the first time you truly let me surface, and the anger came with so naturally the moment I was free.

It is no surprise that I am a volatile one, vengeful, curt and bordering on boorish, but I had kept you alive. I kept you alive, and you diminished me. I stayed, stubbornly, and I never wanted to change. Why should I, when it had worked all this while?

Until the day I left home, and you had to pick up the pieces.

I left because I had no place, with all my rage, in your brokenness. How could I, when all I knew was to break things? To fight things? To bend things to my will? Carnage was all I knew, and it was precisely that which you do not need, which you do not deserve.

I hid memories from you, left blanks in your past, and took the liberty of packing it into a little room and placing the key by your heart, for whenever you are ready. I never truly hid it; I simply put it out of reach, where you can only receive those recollections once more when you are ready to take the step towards that door. You were not ready then — and now you are.

Some days, I surface. When a friend wrongs you, when a loved one is hurt, when you are spiralling. For the smallest fraction of a time, I allow a little rage to seep through. Not all of it, but just enough to keep you alive, to keep you from being alone, and to provide you solitude when you need it most.

I am angry. But no more angrier at you than I am at myself. I was hateful, yes, and I was wrong — about the world and about you. Now that you are the one taking the reins, I am graced with a different perspective. And I have learnt to be grateful for the wrongs that provide me an opportunity to find optimism, just like the way you believe blindly in goodness.

Or rather, not blindly. Knowingly. Knowing the risk, knowing the pain, knowing the patterns. Again, regardless of my warnings, you will run through the fire for something you can barely envision, and you never regret it.

Evidently, I had much to learn.

Of all the things you and I have that are in disharmony with one another, there is but one thing that goes otherwise; we beg the world to prove us wrong. You worded it perfectly. You said, "I would rather be wrong and given the chance to learn, to be given room to be optimistic, than to be proven right, again and again, just to fall into a pessimistic view of the world, in which change is impossible and only patterns laid all pavements."

I am angry. I am always angry.

But for now, I am at peace.

I am at peace for the way you saw me, the way you allowed yourself to remember at last, for the way you already had an inkling on what was behind that door, and the way you have not only survived, but lived. I never want to take the reins, not anymore. I now live vicariously through your lens, your joys, your achievements and routines.

You were the best thing that ever happened to me. You became the best thing that ever happened to me.

I ask of only one thing; for you to not fear me, to not fear the anger. Let me pass you by, every once in a while. Let me move through you and take away the pain, just for that moment. No more, no less.

We have never always been proud of our name. But know now that you have always lived up to it. We burned like the phoenix and you were the one to come out of it, and I am proud.

My promise to you is that I will no longer take from you what is meant for us. My memories are as good as yours, and I hope you keep them well.

Yours,

CH

[loupsgarou]

s4e4

this ep was a bit of a roller coaster.. rather an acute depiction of a roller coaster given i have never nor do i intend to get on a roller coaster (height phobia shh).

Gaius’ conversion. stunning showstopping etc etc.. the dingus brothers dropping that bomb literally seconds afterward! i never felt the urge so strong to reach into the screen and clock both of them with my flip-flop. tbh the boys’ reaction was so totally relatable 🫡

i got misty eyed in the beginning when Kafni cursed Jesus point blank. reason being because i am appalled (for lack of a better word) that there were people in the days when Jesus walked the earth who openly and angrily cursed him to his face. like are you insane? don’t you realize that this is God in human flesh, that your life is but a speck of dust under his fingernails? that if he were a vengeful cruel deity like everyone around here makes him out to be, that he would destroy you without breaking a sweat?? but he Doesn’t. you know why? because he is merciful. he is a god of love and he doesn’t want you to die or burn in hell where 9/10 you don’t even belong in. i myself could’ve cursed him the day my mother died but i didn’t. i didn’t because my mom had suffered for seven years and she was set free of that illness.

[crime-wives]

13, 26, 27, please!

thank you for the ask!

13. What is a subject matter that is incredibly difficult for you write about? What is easy?

oh wow, starting off with a tough one lol. hmm ok, i have a few fics dealing with self-harm, a topic incredibly personal to me. it's very difficult for me to write about, but simultaneously easy. i think the hard part about it is feeling like i need to be in a certain headspace when i'm writing about topics like that. and that headspace is often harmful for me. however, it's also easy to write about because i know how it feels so it kinda brings me a lot of catharsis. for example, in my most recent fic, my sky's not blue (it's violent rain) (absolutely shameless self-promo, heed the tags!) i struggled a lot with actually finishing it. my lovely friend @emily-prentits let me rant in their dms about it :)

26. How do you get into your character’s head? How do you get out? Do you ever regret going in there in the first place?

to get into a character's head i constantly ask myself "what would they do if this happened?" i also try and think about where they are in the story and how they act. for example, s1 regina mills is completely different from s4 regina mills. so it really helps to contextualize where i want them to be in their arc. getting out is usually pretty easy because i tend to write in short, sporadic burst, rather than well-planned thought-out writing sessions. usually after i write, i'll read fic for a bit to transition away from writing mode™. sometimes i do regret going there, especially for my heavier fics, because of the headspace i have to be in to write those. but i find ways to deal with it.

27. Who is the most stressful character you’ve ever written? Why?

i would say either regina mills or addison montgomery.

addison is SO complex, she has so many different facets that a writer can choose to explore and it's really interesting to see how these often contradictory pieces fit together. an example of this is her cheating, she knows what she did was wrong, she regrets it, but she also tries to justify it. she's stressful to write because i always think i'm going to mess up her characterization.

regina is also stressful to write because she is like twenty different people in one. she's regina mills: mayor of a small cursed town in maine, fierce and unwilling to back down and also kind of a bitch. she's the evil queen: sadistic and vengeful and she doesn't care for anyone or anything. she young regina: tormented and abused, yet still and idealist at heart. seeking love and watching it crumble to pieces. she's leopold's wife: a child bride forced to mother a girl only a few years younger than herself. she's angry and trapped and so very alone. finally, she's henry's mom: caring and protective and loving with her whole heart. so it's really interesting to see how all these versions of regina affect her. which parts of her are which? when writing regina, all of these things are present, lurking in her subconscious. so it's extremely difficult to capture all of it without it coming off as too much or heavy handed.

anyway, i am so sorry for how long this got, i got a little carried away lol :)

[jamie4370]

What is Karma?

Maybe I deserve it. I was watching my dogs last Sunday until my ex had to come by to pick them up for their turn to watch them. Let’s call them Air. I am a competitive sports fan and I gamble occasionally on matches. This match was my home team that is on top of the league with their record. I got drunk watching the match because I was in for a good time all by myself with the dogs. Air had specified that I may need to watch the dogs over new years via text. I had forgotten all about it when she got there. I immediately turned to anger and raged on about how we never talked about it. In my anger, I punched my refrigerator (now there is a dent), and I tossed the leash in Air’s direction. The leash ended up hitting one of the dogs, which I am so mortified of now. I told Air to leave but she still stayed wanting to argue.

Air eventually left over a bunch of arguments that cut even more deep with every remark. About 2 hours after that I felt horrible. I was wrong and I knew it. I called Air hoping for some resolution, but she was reluctant to take one that was beneficial towards me. They wouldn’t have it. Air decided that it was best for me not to see the dogs. I had scared Air when I did that. Making them think that I was on the brink of being abusive. I was even more vengeful at that point. I texted them extremely demeaning comments about our last relationship and how they are deceitful. I found out later in the conversation that Air had recorded me in my vulnerable state. I thought we had a good working friendship, but they wanted to take control of the situation. I feel betrayed at the fact that they call them selves a self assured “best friend” when a best friend would try to talk me down and wouldn’t take my dogs away from me.

I’m heart broken. I don’t deserve this. I made a mistake. I’ve never been abusive towards and partner. I came from a family that was abusive toward dogs and I thought that was normal until I took a dog training class at the age of 24. I’ve taken another dog class AND I volunteer at the humane society. I would say that I am an experienced dog handler and I think I made an an error when I was cheering on my team.

Air always said that we were a team. Even after our relationship. What happened to that? You can’t forgive me and give me time to recover?

Like I said earlier: I think it’s karma. Maybe the universe had plans to punish me for the hearts I broke. The love that I lost. The trust that I’ve broken. I try really hard to accept change and improve upon myself when I can. I go to therapy regularly and I happen to have an appointment today. I exercise regularly and try to eat nutritious meals. I feel like all of that is wasted growth right now as I fell back into a state of anger.

My transitional hormones still aren’t doing me any favors in this situation. I love the results that my transition has brought me. Hot flashes and mood swings are definitely not part of those results.

Adding to everything: my chimney is leaking in my house. It’s a good thing that I am still under warranty with the roofing company that flashed the siding. It only adds to the list.

I’m slow and groggy at work. I don’t know why, but I’m on an energy drink kick rather than coffee. I usually love coffee. I always take it black now and it’s really yummy. Today’s flavor is a grape carbonated mineral juice that was definitely cooked up in a lab somewhere.

I know everything is temporary. Right now it feels like eternity. It will get better, I only need to rehydrate more from all of this crying.

“Go slow. One could not count upon such good fortune forever.”

-J

[villain-in-love]

Karma, Sweet Nothing, and High Infidelity

- @itfitsitshipsart

Okay, this ask was an unexpected but welcomed surprise. I’m going with Jamil because he’s currently on my mind the most, though it took me quite some time to gather my thoughts and formulate the answers. Please don’t mind me randomly switching from talking in first person to talking about my s/i in third person.

Karma: Do you or your F/O believe in karma and how important is it to the both of you?

It’s easy: when someone wronged one of us, it would have been nice if karma existed and justice prevailed. When we ourselves do something that harms others then karma is just a human-made concept and life doesn’t work that way. I feel like both me and Jamil would agree on that. Follow us for more double standards.

Well, that is to say, it’s not in Jamil’s fashion to just put his faith in karma – he’s rather vengeful and would want to make sure to pay back personally. There is undeniable satisfaction in enacting revenge yourself, don’t you agree? Forgot to mention that I’m literally no better than he is in regards to revenge, just slightly more apathetic.

Jokes aside, as long as the existence of such thing as karma is not proved by science, none of us is going to actually believe in it, which is why it only has place in jokes.

Sweet Nothing: How comfortable are you and your F/O with one another? Is yours the type of relationship that you feel safer with one another than anyone else?

Jamil is a great manipulator and incorrigible schemer, while my s/i is disturbingly ruthless and has skewed sense of what is wrong or right. How safe can it possibly be?

I mean, emotionally? Yes. From the perspective of common sense? That’s debatable.

Safe and comfortable enough to be ourselves in each other’s presence, knowing that we won’t be judged or misunderstood, partly thanks to having shared values and thinking patterns. Jamil wouldn’t have entered romantic relationship if he wasn’t completely sure that he can handle me with all of my flaws and oddities. Hell, I fell In love with him after seeing him at his worst. You mean to tell me that this guy is a liar and a backstabber, incredibly arrogant and sharp-tongued, pragmatic to the point of readily disregarding someone else’s wellbeing just to benefit himself? Sign me up, it seems like I have found myself a worthy companion!

Of course, from the perspective of common sense, you can never trust anyone fully. Getting tangled up (and questioning whether that was intended or not) in each other’s schemes is not uncommon and it is not the most pleasant experience. You will never know what might happen and what sacrifices we would possibly make. Especially since my s/i kind of sold her soul to the local god of All Evil and now has to execute his will regardless of her personal priorities. Well, at least Jamil is understanding of the situation, as he was basically raised as a servant and forced to prioritise Kalim above himself, so he knows what it's like.

…I am closing this topic on a wonderful note.

High Infidelity: How do you and your F/O keep your relationship fresh and maintain the love that you have?

I have always found this whole thing with couples trying so hard to keep things fresh and not fall out of love weird. How can you get tired of a friend?

I must note that this love story was never particularly "romantic", at least not intentionally.  Relationship between me and Jamil is based mostly on friendship that naturally turned into something more intense as the time went on. There was no "honeymoon phase" or attempts to perform as the best romantic partner, which is something that people are bound to get tired of eventually.

For some technical reasons I’ll be jumping further in the timeline straight to the point when my s/i and Jamil already graduated and are living as adults. The trick is to avoid the routine, I guess. First of all, they live separately, mostly because of the need for personal space, so it prevents them from getting tired of seeing each other all the time and getting pissed off at each other’s bad habits.

Seeing your partner in different situations is something that helps maintain the interest, and there seems to always be some kind of escapade going on. My s/i is a magnet for trouble and overall can’t live without constant misadventures, and despite how much he dislikes it and tries to stay away from it, Jamil inevitably gets involved in them as well. Bad habits die hard, and so he has a tendency to make my problems his problems. Not that Jamil himself is completely innocent – it’s one thing that he likes to travel, which is fun, but very early in our friendship I had to force him to understand that if he decides to use me in one of his elaborate plans again, then I’d be glad to help, just please tell me what you need from me ahead, because what happened in Chapter 4 wasn’t fun.

So overall, it’s hard to get bored living like this. I would even say that amongst all the chaos, a stable relationship becomes the comfort we need.

[lacunasbalustrade]

I just wish my mom could let go of her grudges came home to find she was arguing with my brother AGAIN and I scolded him because he was definitely in the wrong. then at 3 am I woke up to hear her screaming at him for what he'd done wrong. she says he can't understand that she's sad well MAYBE that's because she doesn't present as scared she presents as vengeful. I keep telling her to PLEASE try and understand that he is an immature young child and it's her job to try and guide him, not make him hate her so much that he detaches himself from her, and she keeps telling me that she's already done so much, she can't, and uses that as a shield to justify all her passive aggressive behavior and the way she's no better than him, returning all his petty aggressions.

I wish. I wish she'd be a mother for one day. not mother as in cooks and cleans and does the groceries but as in knows how to appropriately manage the situation, tries to deescalate, and has a vested interest in recontinuing the relationship. she doesn't understand because she has all the power, her aggression is a threat, even when not accompanied by action, and he feels unsafe and responds accordingly because she's been this way in the past.

It's my battle to fight in a very personal way. Because I, once, was that child who needed someone to coach her. And I've also been the one wronged by him. I've been on both sides of the debating table. He's willing to listen to me, but my mother is not - she'd rather console herself by saying that she's already done her best, and slapping all sorts of labels on him to convince herself that he's unredeemable and this justifies her aggression.

My mother tells me I'm doing too much. That I shouldn't have to shoulder all this. And I do, but that's because she's incapable of it. She wants to be comforted and to be sided with, and not to actually help her son grow as a person, which is far more difficult and far less satisfying.

this is the last day I'm going to collect things for a while, but I'm really grateful for it. I need to just be myself for a little bit and not have to watch all this. I feel like crying every time I have to explain that if she gives in to the need to get back at him they're never going to find their way.

of course I'd like a home where I'm not stressed. I love them so much. but at the rate we're going, a house where my parents - the ones who won't accept that maybe they, too, must change - are absent, is one that's going to be better for my heart. im so focused on fighting that it saps my energy to bloom, the way cacti take ten years to blossom flowers.

forget it. today is Collecting Day and I'm going to have great fun with it. today is 'listen to music as I walk' and 'admire the scenery of the different parts of Singapore' I travel to day. today is 'count my blessings' day.

lights of the cars on the road from yesterday. they looked like little rubies, like two slices of a heart on opposite sides of the cars, warning you that they're here and vulnerable.

@melting-morning-blues my rambles and sending you strength in case your exams are still on!!!

on an adventure today! i finished my exams this morning and im going to pick up three items free - a guitar, a sweater, and a shirt! (discovered them on an online freecycle app. there was also a drum kit but no too much even for me. drums guitar and piano? yeah right that's a death wish im not a one-man-band. although I think yuga could probably pull it off)

as expected i got lost immediately fr since i set out from my school neighborhood (which is basically unknown to me + the fact that I rarely go anywhere) but after asking for directions from a bicycling primary schooler I've managed to make it to my first stop-

chua chu kang for the guitar! im waiting for the kind donor at the void deck now! will update with pics. i expect to be waiting 20 min or so because I reached a little early, and I don't think she's checking her phone...but it's a nice break all the same. from walking. I should have bought McDonald's to eat along the way I'm starving.

note to self: do that tomorrow (I've scheduled pickups for tomorrow and the day after also, just because 'omg they're giving away real leather shoes?!!! '

trying not to be greedy - the kind of greedy where you see treasure on a treasure map and decide mwahahaha I must have it, so I'm going to leave off on the collections for a while after the scheduled pickups and make sure to donate back an equal amount. i have too many outgrown clothes anyway (this is the consequences of being sentimental) ¯⁠\⁠_⁠༼⁠ ⁠ಥ⁠ ⁠‿⁠ ⁠ಥ⁠ ⁠༽⁠_⁠/⁠¯

i think like there's also this awesome 'fashion pulpit' shop in Singapore where you can swap old clothes for new, but there's a monthly membership fee so no go, Romeo.

@maou-the-tree & @thehistorynut19 I thought u guys might be interested in hearing about it!! & the app (olio) is available in America too I think if you want to bless-give or get anything free!

[imaginationmess]

THE ITADORI TWINS (Sukuna Ryomen and Itadori Yuuji)

*reposted*

Ryomen Sukuna and Yuuji Itadori as Twins

Request: Au where sukuna and itadori are twins and what it’s like with them in jujutsu tech and all that chaotic shiz. I just love thinking about their sibling dynamics.

Author Note: I had a lot of fun writing this au. I have thought of it myself how it could be like. I hope you enjoy the headcanons!

Please excuse any grammar or spelling. I am going based on the anime and manga.

Warnings: Curse Words/Language from Sukuna who else

Word Count: 984

♡`♡~♡~♡~♡~♡~♡~♡~♡~♡

Sukuna Itadori and Yuuji Itadori as brothers/twins

Sukuna is well-known as the bad/evil twin, the delinquent

who always gets into fights and the troublemaker in the family

Always has bruised knuckles, because he gets into fights on purpose.

He likes having adrenaline running through his veins

He is intelligent and has potential, but he rather sleeps during his classes and somehow passed his exams easily

His nickname through his reputation was Ryomen

As for Yuuji, he is known as the good twin due to his kindness and goodness in his heart

Is the one who gets his twin brother out of trouble

He always gets in the middle of his brothers fight to break it up

He loves his brother even though he is a pain in the ass.

He isn’t as smart as his brother. Sometimes he needs Sukuna to explain an assignment if he doesn’t get it.

Their only family member, the grandfather was always being called on to speak about Sukuna misbehaving in the younger days

He has tried to discipline him, but Sukuna just ignores him

Sukuna only listened to his grandmother who passed away when he was 11 years old

Sukuna finds his grandfather suspicious which makes Yuuji laugh because he was being ‘paranoid’ and weird

The boys had their jobs in multiple retail stores as models

They gotta eat and paying grandfathers bills

They were definitely known by their modeling careers

Sukuna was the one who found the job because he doesn’t want to work too hard, likes easy money (+PLUS FREE CLOTHES)

The twins always have their backs for each other

If Yuuji sees someone trying to jump into the fight to ambush Sukuna.

He will jump in to defense his brother despite not liking being dragging into Sukuna’s fights, but he will make an expectation

Yuuji hates unfair fights, but knows Sukuna can beat anyone’s asses without any doubt

Sukuna doesn’t like it when Yuuji butts his way into his fights, but does know Yuuji has good intentions

Appearance Changes

They both earn like scar that sort of looks like eyelids underneath their eyes

Sukuna earn tattoos all over his body when two were faced to fight a cursed spirit

They didn’t know anything about Jujutsu World

They were attacked by cursed spirit walking back home very late at night from a photoshoot

Sukuna thought it was just dirt to that weird blood of the cursed spirit until he stripped down to take a shower to see it didn't come off. He sort of accept this new look on his body

He looks pretty badass in his opinion

Yuuji was the only one who still looked the same, except for those scars underneath his eyes.

This experience make them to become closer to each other as brothers

They were actually fighting for their lives.

Jujutsu Tech

Gojo was the one who was sent out to exorcise the knocked out low level Cursed spirit and investigate.

Sending Megumi into their school to find out if he sees something unusual which was seeing Sukuna having similar tattoos as sorcerers have their own curse.

He already knew it due to investigating seeing the twins from their home window cooking dinner

When twins meet Gojo for the first time, they recruit them and teach them how to control their energy, because now they are gonna become targets.

Sukuna has the curse technique of cutting/slicing up cursed spirits and physical combat techniques

Yuuji only gain the physical combat cursed techniques, he is salty that his twin was able to cut spirits however he wants

Bold of you to assume Sukuna is gonna stay in the dorms at nighttime, he is party animal who gets invited to parties left and right

He brides on Yuuji to cover for him, but Yuuji sets curfew because after that he isn’t gonna cover for him.

They are a powerful duo who shook the Jujutsu Sorcery World while having relations to a famous 1,000 year old vengeful spirit, Sukuna. They look exactly like the reincarnation of that same spirit.

Siblings Dynamics

Yuuji is always using the “I am older than you by a minute" card when he claims to be in the right.

Sukuna always lies when asked who is the oldest one, claiming it was him.

Sukuna was the one who cooked deliciously good due to being taught by his grandmother who convinced him to focus his energy into something proactive instead of using his fist.

Yuuji can cook simple things, other than that he will burn it a little bit. Sukuna would throw a fit.

Sukuna is picky eater who doesn't like the taste of burn in his food

Sukuna and Yuuji do a lot of horseplay

Majorly of the time, its Sukuna who wins due to his experience of physical fights having Yuuji in chokehold on getting the television remote controller

Sometimes Yuuji is the one who has Sukuna arm pulled back when Sukuna was holding the remote controller hostage when his favorite horror movie is gonna play.

They love each other a lot and will always protect each other

Sukuna gets super protective over Yuuji because HE IS THE ONLY WHO CAN BULLY HIM! HE IS HIS TWIN! IT'S HIS BIRTHRIGHT!

“WHO THE HELL DO YOU THINK YOU ARE?! I’M THE ONLY ONE WHO CAN BULLY HIM! YOU PIECE OF SHIT!” - ending up beating the boy who attempted to bully Yuuji

Sukuna slips the test answers to his twin when he knows Yuuji sucks at a subject

Sukuna is the brains of strategic attacks while Yuuji is the who throws the punches and bait

They are pain in the ass for each other, but they both agree the only one who is allowed can bully (playfully) each other, are themselves

Both of them will attack each other for the last slice of pizza or dessert

Rest in Peace who ever tries to date any of the two or both of them.

♡~♡~♡~♡~♡~♡~♡~♡~♡~♡~♡

Thank you for reading!

Feel free to send in your request :D,

Comments/Reactions are greatly appreciated!

MASTERLIST!

[alexiethymia]

Jeanne Theories (but more like questions)

A dump for all my questions and theories about Jeanne. In the manga, the third chapter is named after her (Chapter 1 is Vanitas, while Chapter 2 is Noe). Arguably, you could say she’s the third most important character. Among all of the main characters, her past seems to be the one we know least about. This actually ties to my questions relating to vampires and their ages. 

I am a bit confused about how aging works with vampires and how that reflects physically. We have Noe and Dominique who are chronologically the same age as Vanitas. Assuming nothing goes wrong, human Vanitas would die of old age (except we know that isn’t the case), while Noe and Dominique would look physically the same how many years later. Jeanne’s age wasn’t intentionally revealed because I think it ties in with the plot, but we know she’s centuries older than the main cast. She’s been with Ruthven since before the betrayal, and grew up with Chloe. This is where it gets confusing for me. Chloe became a vampire at four, but physically stopped aging at eleven years old. Jean Jaques was also a hidden vampire changed by Babel but he ended up growing and looking older than Chloe (at least physically). Same with Jeanne. She and Chloe met when Jeanne was younger than her, but Jeanne grew up to look like a young woman. I’m curious as to the difference as to why it was only Chloe who stopped growing physically at around eleven years old, although she’s older than Ruthven.

Jeanne’s link to Luna of the Blue Moon

I don’t think the line above is a throw-away line. Jeanne was of Ruthven’s time, and we find out that Luna had also seen her, specifically during the time of the Great War. She left that big of an impact on Luna that they would retell the story to Vanitas (and I presume Mikhail too), which had that much of impact on him as well.

They removed this context from the anime which makes it as if Vanitas heard of Jeanne through stories, except we know from the manga that it was more personal since he heard it from Luna. 

Why exactly did Luna have admiration towards Jeanne? Was it because she was slaughtering Vampires of the Red Moon? But contrary to the rumors, recent chapters would show us that Luna didn’t seem to be a vengeful entity or hold ill-will toward Vampires of the Red Moon. 

Luna was also probably the reason why Vanitas felt an initial connection with Jeanne. Like with his hourglass earring, the name, the book, the gloves, etc., despite their complicated past, Vanitas seems to be (consciously or unconsciously) maintaining a link with Luna. 

Jeanne’s Slumber (possible connections with Sleeping Beauty)

Why was it necessary for Jeanne to sleep all this time? And why did she have to wake up now, at this exact moment in time? What exact thing does Ruthven need to use her for, and for what purpose? Because let’s admit it, Lord Ruthven is shady af. 

It’s also ironic how Jeanne reads Sleeping Beauty and places Vanitas in the princess’ position, when she has more in common with the fairytale. Having to sleep for a hundred years, her mark is that of a rose with thorns evoking the imagery of ‘Briar Rose’ and the spindle, while her epithet ‘Hellfire Witch’ evokes imagery of the evil fairy who could turn into a dragon and breathe fire (admittedly I may be focusing on the Disney version too much). 

We know she’s named after Jeanne d’Arc, a martyr who was burnt at the stake (please, please, let this not be foreshadowing of how she dies) hence the connection to her epithet ‘Hellfire Witch’, but even disregarding how vampires (and perhaps humans as well?) have true names, Vanitas says she was ‘bestowed’ a saintly name. We know she was adopted, and we don’t know the circumstances of her birth which are shrouded in mystery, but could Ruthven have been the one to grant the name ‘Jeanne’ to her? 

If not for the fact that we already had Florifel and Eglantine in the first chapter, I would have thought Jeanne’s true name and malnomen if she gets one later would be connected to the fairy tale of Sleeping Beauty. 

Jeanne’s Malady

The vampires in Vanitas no Carte are different from the stereotypical portrayals of vampires, except for one - Jeanne. Jeanne has that uncontrollable desire to drink blood, and yet as of now, doesn’t appear to be a curse bearer. Based on her patchy memories, we can infer it was Ruthven who made her like this, is the one to supply her with her sketchy medicine, all the while forcing her to swear not to talk about it.

Is she in the same predicament as Loki, Luca’s older brother, forced to have the symptoms of a curse bearer and yet being prevented from being cured, by Ruthven? For what greater purpose? Why is it necessary for Loki to be a curse bearer? And more intriguing than that, why is he consenting to it? It all relates to the Queen somehow, something which no one is privy to except the Oriflamme Family. 

Sleeping Lions

Who could Marquis Machina be referring to? Everyone in the Oriflamme family, and by extension Jeanne, have connections with the imagery of lions and fire (they seem to have an elemental affinity like how Luca displayed, except that Ruthven’s is black fire, which makes me wonder what color Loki’s flames would be if ever). Jeanne can’t seem to manipulate the World Formula like Ruthven and Veronica though. The flames come out of her gauntlet, Carpe Diem. 

In relation to that, I think Misha’s patron is Marquis Machina. In the same way, Marquis Machina built Carpe Diem for Jeanne, I think he built Misha’s hand and dog for him. I mean Marquis Machina doesn’t seem to be working with Ruthven and Charlatan. His pieces seem to be the kin of the Blue Moon (Vanitas and Misha), the dhams, and the De Sade family. It could also be that the De Sade have their own agenda and are just using Marquis Machina or it’s just a mutual beneficial arrangement. If so, an eventually power struggle is bound to break out, possibly between the De Sade and the Oriflamme families, and poor Jeanne will be caught in the middle. Where then does the Shapeless One play into this? Perhaps a third faction? A silent observer? A loyalist to the queen? There’s still too little information to theorize. 

Who could the Sleeping Lion Marquis Machina wants to see wake up be? 

Jeanne, Faustina, Luna, and Naenia

It could just be a stylistic thing, but the long flowing light colored hair seem to be common among all of them. 

In relation to Pandora Hearts and its themes of will and what measure is a person, what if the Jeanne that we know now is just a consciousness inhabiting a body (kind of like Oz and Jack), specifically the queen’s body to be exact. It would certainly be foreshadowing to when she says ‘promise to kill me when I’m no longer myself anymore’.

Alternatively, the current Jeanne we know may just be a vessel or a golem to house the Queen whose body has deteriorated. It certainly would explain why she was treated as a doll even in her earliest memories. ‘Jeanne’ isn’t supposed to exist. 

Although it’s a long shot, since Ruthven has connections with Charlatan, and by extension Dr. Moreau, could ‘No. 70′ have been Jeanne? Again like I said, it’s a long shot. I think it’s likelier that No. 70 is a character we haven’t been introduced to yet. 

Jeanne’s Parents

This is a Mochizuki work. Of course, there’s got to be something to it. Why exactly did they side with the humans so suddenly in the war? What horrible thing did the vampires do to have over a thousand of their kind turn against them? And yet the way it reads, rather than betray Ruthven, I think Jeanne’s parents along with all of the vampires who were slaughtered were sacrificial pawns. Maybe I’m just really biased against Ruthven, but I think he was the one to lead the rebellion of his students, and like Chloe, although he presents himself to be an ally of the current Vampire Monarchy, perhaps he’s just biding his time to get revenge for his students. In working with Charlatan, it’s vampires who he’s harming.

What greater purpose could he have in wanting to assassinate his own nephew or ally himself with a known vampire extermination unit of the Chasseurs (Gano and his ilk) or in killing so many vampires by having their true names corrupted? 

Face to face with Noe, we see in their meeting that Noe says the exact same words Ruthven told Chloe when he was younger. Noe reminds Ruthven of his students, while Ruthven reminds Noe of his teacher. I’m not really sure where I’m going with this, but it seems like the Ruthven of now scorns his past self’s moderate and progressive ideals of vampires and humans living in harmony. He speaks of our side, your side, and Noe having to choose one or the other. And yet all of his collective actions at this point have served not to protect but rather harm vampire kind, which puts him in direct opposition to Vanitas who wants to save vampires. 

In relation to Jeanne, there will be a boiling point. She’s loyal to Luca and she’s loyal to Ruthven. She’s incredibly fond of Dominique. As of now, she also loves Vanitas. And yet down the line, inevitably Luca and Ruthven will be on opposing sides, so I am curious to see how the betrayals and conflicting loyalties will play out. 

[psychewritesbs]

On a scale of "1" to "why ,god why" how do you feel about Naoya!?

HOLAAAAAA!

Ok so your ask made me realize I didn't write anything about this week's chapter, but tbh it's because I didn't feel like I had anything relevant to say other than "haha! Naoya is a worm" and "why in the world is Maki wearing a little cape?".

The way I feel about Naoya is "why, god why" (great scale btw). But probably not for the same reason most people feel like that about him.

Granted I haven't spent enough time brain rotting about Naoya, I am personally indifferent to him because I LOVE LOVE LOVE problematic, irredeemable and complex characters (Naoya isn't necessarily complex but he's problematic and irredeemable so yay!).

I also THINK we are meant to dislike him by design--meaning, Gege created in Naoya a character that is easy to hate. Characters like that typically have an underlying message to them and that makes me curious about him.

Come to think of it there's actually very few "problematic" characters that I have a visceral reaction to.

That said...

Why god, why do we have to go through another Maki vs. Naoya battle?

For me, it's somewhat obvious that we would eventually see a vengeful spirit in the story since Gege foreshadowed their existence and how they are "born". So from a narrative standpoint, it makes sense that Naoya would come back as one.

But we literally just saw Maki kick his ass after she up-leveled. We've already seen what she's capable of.

So... from a narrative standpoint, what's the point of Maki kicking Naoya's ass again?

I get the Culling Game is a twist on the tournament arc trope, but to me, a Maki vs. Naoya the vengeful spirit battle feels kind of fanservicy: battle for the sake of battle.

Especially after Hakari's fights which have had a very existential tone running underneath the surface.

I also get that Maki is probably going to struggle against Naoya because of her lack of Cursed Energy, which means she'll have to rely on help from Kamo and the use of a Cursed Tool in order to exorcise everybody's favorite parasite.

And... of course I want to see Maki kick ass again! Her battles are some of the best.

But in the end I'd just rather see the plot move forward instead of another beautifully choreographed battle for the sake of battle.

So I'm honestly hoping Naoya brings some sort of important revelation that is relevant to the plot or the bigger picture of the Jujutsu-scheme of things.

If his entire purpose in the narrative is solely to avenge his honor (considering he is indeed a vengeful spirit) then I hope Maki steps on him and kills him quickly. I'll go ahead and buy her some insecticide myself so we can all move on with our lives.

But if his purpose in the narrative is to reveal something important about the plot, then I'm looking forward to it.

I expect Naoya will continue to be irredeemably "problematic" and I'll be there to laugh at the irony of what he becomes because of it. After all, how fitting is it that he became a worm?

Divine retribution I tell you.

So yeah... why god, why? FANTASTIC scale!

Thanks for the ask dear! I feel like we make a good jjk chapter update team bahaha.

[mariposa666haruka]

Ok here is my description!

Hogwarts house : in the past it was a tie between gryffindor/ravenclaw and slytherin every time...now I got calmer and ended up with a tie between slytherin and ravenclaw 😂

Twt dorm : the quizzes give me either octavinelle or diasomnia but mostly octavinelle (I think my Hogwarts house predicted my dorm lol)

Appearance : 5'4 ace/heteromantic girl ambivert.Dark brown hair/eyes (I wear glasses but they are also sun glasses because bright lights give me a headache) a little chubby/muscled and pale skin+permanent smirk/smile/ neutral face. Plump lips. My style varies a lot (always comfy) but I never wear dresses heels/makeup. I love to imagine outfits with symbols from fandoms or my own drawings so I have a rather unique style (most of the time I wear a NASA jacket and leather boots/sneakers, I also love sleeveless turtleneck) who changes a lot. I have malleable cheeks and tiny hands/fingers/wrist.

MBTI: INTP-T and chaotic neutral/good

Zodiac: Gemini sun, Taurus rising, libra moon

Enneagram : My dominant is type 5 then 8. Quizzes says that I am a 5w6 or 8w7

I seem cold and inaccessible even if I am always laughing or smiling. I am also very lonely cuz I don't get invited to events between friends and is often left out on the drama so I try to make up for it. It still hurts but meh. My friends say it's because I am not sensitive enough so my advices can be the best but heartbreaking at the same time. They also said that I never share my problems too, yes it is true cuz I solve them myself and it works lol. I am considered the smart friend who is somehow good in a lot of things. I am also considered as flirty but really dense so people who got crush on me suffered lol (never been in a relationship cuz I am not sure what the hell is love beside a neurochemical reaction), it's also because they were scared of confessing as I am known for always standing up and apparently I seem condescending??? (I don't even understand that one I always try to not be like that). When ignored or talked over (can't believe how much it happens...) I become very cold and distant and won't forget about the action. I sometimes take days to answer because I forget to do it. I am moody and on my bad days talking to me will result in snappy/sarcastic answers

I am indecisive, moody, sarcastic,a little dense and naive, cunning, mischievous, persuasive, determined, calculative, absent minded, curious, tsundere, I have a backbone, creative, resourceful, imaginative, highly competitive even if I try to hide it, overyhinker, lazy, procrastinator, prideful, I am mostly honest but I do a lot of white lies or vague answers if I don't want to crush someone, open minded, vengeful, impatient (ok not on drawings or important projects where I make sure every detail is ok), morally grey but I put great honor into respecting my own morals and being fair so yeah I can't handle playing dirty on every situation, I curse a lot but will never insult anyone else but you and can't handle if someone insults someone else but me in an argument (ex: mothers, fathers, religion etc). I will do what you tell me not to do most the time. I often push people buttons cuz it's fun (not in an offensive way). "Forgive" but never forget. A smartass and I get annoyed easily. I talk in hidden meanings, have trust issues and uses humor to deflect everything. Touch starved but will never admit it in public. I always find loopholes when given something to do or just arguing in general because it saves energy I guess (the face of omg can I strangle them is also a reason). I can't handle a partner who can't hold intelligent conversations or is so serious he can't joke around

LIKES : cats- puns- jokes- books- debates-mythology- video games - drawing- puzzles - mysteries -sweets/sushi/pizza -learning -sleeping -being teased in a light and fun way- shooting/fighting sports

Dislikes : Hypocrysis - slow things -deep water cuz I can't see/needles/zombies (yeah some phobias) -pressure -cooking -bright lights and noises cuz they give me a headache -traitors -injustice -overly serious people- people who tease in a mean way

Fun facts : I have weird reflexes and is very jumpy (try to surprise me and you'll get hit). I am a true crime/chemisty/physic/space/psychology and robotic nerd. My dreams are very weird and I use them for inspiration, I love adrenaline so I like nightmares. I laugh when hurt idk why and don't like kids

My love language is gifts, quality time, a little act of service and affection in private if comfortable. I also love to send memes saying it reminds me of us/you and holding pinkies. I LOVE attraction parks, arcades, hunted houses and any adrenaline filled place.

I speak Arabic, french and English (in that order) and trying to learn italian. I am also an only child . I love cuddles but doesn't ask for them.

Thank you very much! Btw you sound like a fun person 😋

 My inbox is still closed for match-ups. This is my part for a match-up trade with @tired-of-this-bs

So firstly I was thinking of Silver (cause he is very calm and gentle) or Rook (cause I bet he will listen to whatever you say with a love struck smile) but then again sweetie, you need someone who can match your energy and HE came into my mind. Ladies and gents and in-betweens: Lilia Vanrouge...

Before getting started with how you two would be a good match, I’d like to mention a few things about our charming general.

He is a meme lord and no soul can change my mind.

The said bat can uphold deep and serious conversations while being the meme lord due to being a FUCKING ENTP. *cough cough* I apologize for my use of such strong word but it was necessary. (PLS do not feel offended my dear ENTPs for I love you guys so much and meant it in a goodway..)

He listens AND will give you the best advice ever cause this oldman’s quite knowledgeable.  

He IS a true gentleman and you can see it just by the way he has raised his sons. Not only that he would never insult you but also would treat you with utmost respect and gentleness.

His primary love languages are “Words of affirmation” and “Act of service” but I BET; he is a great cuddler and would be more than happy with physical affection. 

Now let us get down to the real business.

I think you can firstly start as friends, I simply believe that deep relationships start as just friends. Although, he finds you too interesting to call you just a friend. Papa Lilia has tons of experience in relationships, so he knows his way with flirting; but they are not just sweet words. He knows how to make your heart skip a beat by leaving his light and soft touches here and there.

Darling’s actually giving you hints by small acts, such as pushing your hair behind your ear, gently moving his fingers on your cheek or greeting you with a kiss on the back of you hand like a gentleman he is. You can see the gleam in his eyes whenever he’s listening to you; he makes sure nothing can interrupt your speech and would never do so himself.

This guy has no shame and will be honest with his feelings towards you. He will officially court you when he’s made sure that you have feelings for him too. He doesn’t want to make you feel awkward in the future if you come to reject his confession.

Here’s a small paragraph of his confession to you:

”My dear, Do you mind taking a seat here?” Said the pink eyed male as he held you hand, guiding you to a nearby bench. “I have a few important matters to tell you.” Once you sat down, he bent down on one knee, bringing your hand towards his face, your palm now against his cheek. “You are truly magnificent in my eyes,dearest. I wish I could just stare at you for all eternity. I request your permission for courting you, milady. What do you say? Would you give me the honor?”

When you actually start dating:

Expect this gentleman at you door with a bouquet, EVERYDAY.

Forehead kisses are a must. he needs to show you his pure unconditional love.

Hold onto his arm, he loves that.

Diasomnia boys would accept you rather easily, for they trust General Vanrouge's choice. so please stop your boyfriend from entering the kitchen.

If you two decide to live together after graduating, he would take you on trips with him. He would want to visit every place he has visited before again, but this time with you and not alone.

Overall, I think this relationship is built on a large amount of respect and trust. This man would love to have 1 or 2 kids with you, but would respect your opinion if you are against it, though you cannot stop him from adopting one. 😂

[madeyoumyvillain]

☕ maylen slander 🤭

Thanks for the ask bb @darklingswhxore ☀️🖤🌘💛

*me to myself, slowly,but with a lot of feelings* oh my fucking god my time to shine has come

This is gonna be long, apologies🌻

Where do i even start with blade boy?

to me,he didn't matter ONE BIT in the first two books, because my innocent self thought "hey,this is an ETL story,Darklina endgame no matter what and Malyen will just,,,go away" but,alas,I was fooled and baited by Leigh Bardugo. But that rant is for another day. My problem with Malyen isn't just that he's boring and basic and has the personality of a broken pencil. It's deeper than that. But he's someone so irrelevant to me,that I don't like chanelling my energy towards him. But let's go.

My problem with Malyen is,he seems very real. The way he treats Alina,the way he's filled to the brim with victim complex,the way everything he says to her is something I've heard myself,the way he thinks that he should be rewarded for being there for his best friend. Basically,he's the embodiment of what a real toxic man is like. Notice how I emphasized on real? Because men like him exist. And we deal with them everyday. They belittle you. They gaslight you. They slutshame you. They mock you for being happy and independent. They say they're scared of you,even when you don't mean any harm,when you're the more powerful one for once. They scream at you for flinching. They keep on reminding you of the things they did for you,even if you didn't ask them to in the first place. They think tht can talk on your behalf. They. Are. Real. Alot of people argue that Malyen was just 17 and dealing with alot so we can't hate him,they also say he's the less toxic choice for Alina. But this isn't a competition of more toxic and less toxic,it shouldn't be. You're either toxic,or you're not.

I know and I understand that Aleksander was toxic too. But Aleksander is a centuries old shadow summoning grisha. Aleksander is a fairytale villain meanwhile men like Malyen are very real. And as someone who has been in an extremely emotionally abusive relationship,the way Malyen went ahead and kissed Zoya rather than talking and understanding Alina's situation and why she flinched,it reminded of the times I was misunderstood,of the times when I flinched and was punished with a cold shoulder and ill treatment. I choose to ignore Malyen and the shitty endgame in the books,but how am I supposed to ignore it when it happens in my reality too? Bardugo very recently mentioned how she was in an abusive relationship herself when she was writing SnB,so after that info,I'm supposed to hate Aleksander, right? Because according to her he is the embodiment of her abusive ex,but what she seems to forget is,the main relationship in the books isn't Darklina,it's Malina. And Malina on its own is still a very,very toxic and weak ship. Alina mutilated herself just because she didn't want to leave Mal when the Grishas were testing her. In the beginning of SnS,Mal for once does not care that Alina is getting sick and frail because she's not using her powers. More than once he mentions how he's scared of her and how he wants the old Alina back. The same Alina who you ignored the whole time,Malyen? The same powerless and dependent Alina?

I'll be very honest,I started to love him in RnR. Yes,love him. His and Alina's platonic dynamic makes me SO happy. They'd be perfect as friends. But by the time the book ended and Alina lost her powers and even after being offered by Nikolai to rule Grishas and Ravka,she said no,how much should I bet that if Malyen stayed dead,she would've said yes? Malyen got EXACTLY all that he wanted,Alina legit got nothing. But how can I blame either when both of them are equally selfish? Yes,Alina is selfish,that's something I'll rant about some other day.

Thoughts about show! Malyen? He's not even the same person he is in the books and I'm so sorry to say that Malyen on his own is great but the 8 hrs of Malina? Not something I'd like to go through again. Show! Malyen is funny and is there for his friends and has his own struggles but if you have to completely drastically do a 180° on a character,it proves the point that he wasn't nice in the first place. If he was already the amazing character we were told he was,why would they not follow anything he did or said in the books? Why did they choose to make Zoya a racist on top of the meangirl bully plotline which already made her unlikeable yet make show! Malyen this embodiment of Mr. Perfect that he isn't? Isn't it fucking hilarious how people sympathized for him for losing Mikhael and Dubrov yet shit on Aleksander for being so vengeful after seeing centuries of his people, Grisha and Ravkan alike,dying,burned on stakes, experimented on while he could do nothing to stop it? Hypocrisy,hm? The only thing in commow show! Malyen and book! Malyen have are their names and being a tracker because the rest is just different, drastically different. And if they're gonna stick to the Malina propaganda in S2 too,then can someone make a compilation of all Darkling/Darklina/Crows scenes and send it to me? Because I won't be watching it.

These are my opinions and my opinions only,I respect anyone who does or doesn't agree. Do tell me what parts you agree with. Thank you <3

[veethewriter]

@revenge-matchups matchup exchange

Appearance : 5'4 ace/heteromantic girl ambivert.Dark brown hair/eyes(glasses) a little chubby/muscled and pale skin+permanent smirk/smile/ neutral face. My style varies a lot (always comfy) but I never wear dresses heels/makeup. I love to imagine outfits with symbols from fandoms or my own drawings so I have a rather unique style who changes a lot

MBTI: INTP-T

Zodiac: Gemini sun, Taurus rising, libra moon

Enneagram : My dominant is type 5 then 8. Quizzes says that I am a 5w6 or 8w7

Personality : .Sassy sarcastic a little naive but I have a backbone (don't bother flirting with me and if you feel that I am flirting with you which happens a lot then it's just my personality and on the rare occasion I notice they have to confess or I won't believe it) ,calculative,protective,creative,expressive,,tsundere,manipulative,a devil's advocate,prideful,charismatic,smartass,bookworm,daydreamer,a little insensitive/blunt because I'm more on the logical side so I don't really understand or recognize emotions,vengeful,mischievous,a huge tease,open minded,very curious,gets annoyed easily,impatient so kind of a bad temper,observant but not romantically,sadistic to a point but my conscience prevents me from doing these acts.Indifferent to many things,open minded,morally...unique. With my friends I am either laughing, goofing around or annoyed. Those who don't talk to me see me as a nerd aggressive smart and blunt person ( even prideful) and strangers as a polite sweetheart. But I am a chaotic good/neutral. I notice a lot of details because I don't let my guard down even if I daydream plus I have a photographic + sound memory and they work very well in all situations which can be a bother when I try to concentrate which is difficult for me because I get distracted easily.

Dislikes: I fight for my beliefs. I have trust issues so I never talk about my problems and will use humor when confronted. Daylight. Cooking. Slow things or people. When I get teased in a mean way (otherwise I actually like being teased it's a fun fight after). People who don't pay attention to a conversation and then ask to repeat it more than once. People who change side easily and hypocrites. Overly serious people. I tend to be aggressive and expose an annoyed face easily (I am moody), plus I hate orders and love pressing people's buttons it's funny(in a fun way rarely in a mean one) unless it's a sensitive subject. When I feel that I am unwanted or someone insults me or take me for granted I become very cold and distance myself and the relationship becomes strained the more they take time to ask for forgiveness.

Likes: I love cats/laughter/sweets/pranks/dark humour/ a true crime and Supernatural enthusiast and I love science especially concerning space, chemistry, robotic and psychology. Books, sleep, drawing and video games too. Oh and debates I love them. Surprises too I hate routine and runs away from it

Hobbits : Reading, getting lost in a book, drawing, learning, debating, daydreaming, sports (fighting ones), art (music/drawing/writing) and video games

have some bad habits like biting my nails (I just got rid of it)/lips and moving my leg up and down because I am always nervous, disorganized room/sleep and eating schedule plus I am lazy. Of course if someone tried to address my problems I will change the subject or use humor. Also I might try to hide it but I am very competitive and a sore loser

Fun fact : I dream a lot and write my dreams. I don't mind nightmares on the contrary I welcome them because I find them to be a nice experience and they give me ideas plus the amount of emotions you can feel is amazing. I also tend to curse while talking. I rarely get motivated but when I do I give a very good work and put my soul in it, if I don't reach my goal I feel down for a while and become very snappy. In a group project if my comrades don't make their part I will menace them because yes I will say that they didn't do anything and two they better pray. When dealing with an emotional person I don't know what to do I will try to give them words to keep going,it succeed but I am rather harsh plus I try to make jokes to cheer them up.But if a friend breaks down before me I will do my best to cheer them up (ahem jokes and reminding them of all the success they achieved) and if I am comfortable and they want a hug I will give it. I hate people who denies that others helped them. My love language is gifts, quality time, a little act of service and affection in private if comfortable. I have small hands and thin wrists/fingers. I also have malleable cheeks. I also deal with constant headaches because of loud noises or bright lights (I don't get along with the sun) so my glasses are also sunglasses.

For obey me I match you with Lucifer!

I feel like Lucifer would see you as an equal to him of course since you two are together, so he never really bosses you around at all. He knows your responsible enough to handle yourself,tho he will help you if you need it of course. Lucifer may seem like the strict type but he loves to see you goof around because it tells him that you are happy.

Lucifer would love to know about your dreams and the way they make you feel, it makes him feel like he's leaving more about you and humans. Lucifer makes sure to have the lights dimmed in every room so you don't get headaches as much, he doesn't like seeing you in pain all the time. When it comes to your fighting sports Lucifer would love to help you train, he likes seeing your strength as a human grow.

Lucifer would try to help you get rid of your bad habits because he knows it's not good for you to be doing them all the time especially biting your nails. Usually Lucifer wouldn't bother you about talking about your problems but if you seem really upset he will mention something about it even if you push it off with a joke he won't let it go. He wants you to be able to trust him with your problems and not just push him away.

Lucifer rarely shows affection, so he'll do acts of service and gifts to show you that he cares about you (however when he is in a affection mood, it'll probably be him holding your hand.) You and Lucifer debate about topics all the time, it usually just ends up with you both agreeing to disagree. Lucifer doesn't have a problem listening to your conversations at all, he's a really good listener.

You and Lucifer can spend hours in the same room just reading with quiet music playing in the background. There are also rare times were Lucifer will hug you whenever he is upset or he just wants to be near you for a second (of course he won't do this anywhere you are uncomfortable hugging at.) There are also sometimes were he's in a good mood and he'll make jokes with you.

Lucifer doesn't like having to ask people for help at all, so it's very rare that he'll ask you for help. There's food always in the house because of how many people live there so you have no reason to worry about having to cook at all. Lucifer has a lot of info on a lot of things so if you wanna learn something new, he'll probably be able to tell you a few things.

For undertale I match you with underswap papyrus!

Papyrus is the relaxed type, so he's probably the one you relax with all the time. He'll also probably joke around with you often (after all he does love telling jokes.) Papyrus will pull pranks with you all the time, on anyone except maybe his brother. Papyrus would love to cuddle you while you read since he doesn't read a lot himself at all.

Papyrus doesn't get a lot of sleep tho because of the nightmares he gets about the resets and his brother dying. So whenever you two cuddle and he's awake, he'll play with your hair until he eventually falls asleep. Of course if it bothers you he'll stop, he knows your not really the affectionate type.

Papyrus doesn't cry in front of people often but sometimes he can't help it when he wakes up from his nightmares. When you comfort him, he'll eventually fall back asleep in your arms and when he wakes up in the morning he'll thank you (he'll also probably find something to repay you for it.)

Whenever you and papyrus work together on something he'll try his best to help you with it because he doesn't like seeing you mad at him. Surprisingly papyrus does know a lot about science (he just doesn't mention it a lot), so if you wanna talk science with someone, he'll be the one to go to.

Papyrus isn't really that competitive when it comes to things, so he probably won't put up that much of a challenge against you. Papyrus doesn't like talking about his problems, so he's not going to force you to talk about them either. There is however a few things papyrus is stubborn about such as his opinions on people, you won't be able to convince him that someone is actually good if his opinion on them is that they are bad.

Papyrus probably would play video games with you if you wanted to, he's actually really good at them. Papyrus doesn't mind that you curse, just try not to do it around his brother at all. Papyrus likes to see what you draw, he likes seeking how creative you are with things.

Sorry it took a while! Anyways I hope you like it! ❤🖤

[decysstuff]

I asked myself the same question since I started watching this: Why am I so mesmerized by Demon Slayer? (SPOILERS AHEAD)

Kimetsu no Yaiba is just like any other fantasy universe anime I've seen so far—with the involvement of demons, inhumane skills, and the usual up and down arcs—yet somehow this one is so beautifully unique I can't wrap my head around it.

Firstly, you have the well-written plot. In all the animes I've seen the main character has to have some kind of goal or dream. We see all that with shows like MHA, Naruto, One piece etc etc. Each having the passion to achieve what they want for themselves but with Demon Slayer, it's absolutely void of that.

As a short introduction, we have the anime's protagonist, Tanjiro Kamado, who is a simple boy born in a poor family in a secluded country in old Japan and is the oldest of 6 siblings.

He knows about the rumours of man-eating demons—yes, man-eating demons—lurking in their world during the night but instead of the usual childish or brave nature of believing them, much less wanting to face / exterminate them like some wannabe hero, he simply shrugs it off and continues to do what he usually does: working hard to provide for his family.

And that's the intriguing part about the beginning! We see this boring yet lovable character who doesn't want anything for himself rather tries to help his mother and his siblings while he can since their father's passing. He's a gentleman just going through life for the betterment of those around him UNTIL he's finally given that darker goal. It's like having potatoes for dinner followed by a surprise dessert.

Returning from work—he sells coal, that's how poor they are—at sunrise, he comes home to his family massacred with the culprit gone. At that point, I admit, I began thinking, "Oh, so it's not different than the others. He sees his family dead, that drives him to join some demon hunting organisation in finding the killer and yada-yada-yada". BUT THEN!! Y'all ISTG, this is what made me love the whole thing. One of his sisters, Nezuko, is actually still alive, though barely.

He takes notice of this and desperately runs down a snowy mountain with her on his back and is constantly praying that he will reach help before it's too late.

And like one amazing twist after another, it's revealed that the reason she survived was because she was turned into a demon, which is evident after she tries attacking him midway.

He blocks her bites and claws until Giyuu, a 'Demon Slayer' finds them and tries beheading Nezuko to kill her.

Just when I thought I couldn't love this anime more than I already do, Tanjiro pleads with the demon slayer to spare his sister even when she was now lashing out with the intent to eat both of them like some rabid animal. Giyuu denies his sobs and Tanjiro goes as far as to challenge the skilled swordsman all for the sake of his last living family member, who, again, is now a man eating monster.

Eventually Tanjiro is knocked out and Nezuko manages to get out of Giyuu's grasp, lunges forward to her brother's body and to Giyuu's shock, instead of sinking her teeth into him, she legit kneels in front of him in a way that shows she's actually trying to protect him from the demon hunter.

Moments later Tanjiro then wakes up and cries tears of joy when he finds his sister beside him still on the snowy ground alive and with a bamboo now plastered on her mouth. From there, not only has Giyuu spared them but also helped Tanjiro in beginning his new life's mission: Finding the one who massacred his family as well as a cure for her sister, even though it is impossible to turn a demon back into a human.

See, what's amazing about that is the writer strayed away from the cliched path of writing our MC as a vengeful person who turns all 180 because of ~trauma~. The writer kept Tanjiro's initial trait of being gentle and caring throughout the entire story in such a way that the viewers are concerned when and if he's going to break at some point only to be reminded time and time again that he won't.

And that's where we arrive at the second beauty of DS: The characters, especially the chosen MC.

Demon Slayer's characters are one of the things that make the show fun to watch without ever feeling disgusted because none of them—like the ones in most animes—are absolute perverts nor is there any hint of sexualizing said characters in any way. Heck even Tengen, who has three wives, married them not for the sake of a harem but to give them a life with a purpose other than being an accessory.

That aside, there's our MC Tanjiro Kamado. This boy be making me question my standards for men.

Like I said in the beginning, he's an absolute gentleman. Kind, caring, compassionate, and by God is his empathy and perspective so high.

You'd think after finding out his family was killed by a demon he'd absolutely despise every single one of them, especially since he's just 14 at the start and we all know teens are mostly driven by their overwhelming emotions but no. Even knowing demons are absolute monsters who feast off of anyone in sight, it is always in his mind that they were also once human with families and emotions, just like his sister. He kills them, no shit, because really, would you let an immortal man-eating demon be rampant?

Absolutely not, it's them or the people. But Tanjiro feels for them, which is shown multiple times in every episode. They try to kill him, he gets angry too, but no matter how bad the demon is or how much rage is in him, Tanjiro doesn't have the heart to hate them. Well, except for Muzan and a couple of the moons but that's totally understandable.

He is respectful unless he has a good reason not to be. He doesn't hold grudges unless it's Muzan, and I can't forget how many times he blamed himself and apologise for situations that were inevitable at the moment and weren't even his fault to begin with, much less start at how many times he felt helpless but stayed strong and tried to make himself useful to the point where he was so close to death.

This. This is a great main character, right here. The side characters are also enjoyable of course. (My favourite is Shinobu, yes I know what happens to her, and no, I'm still not over it.) But Tanjiro as the MC is another reason why this show is awesome. It has an actual good role model!! And I thank Gotouge for that.

Lastly, we have the animation and the music.

Lord, I could just pass away.

Demon Slayer is written by Koyoharu Gotouge—who seems a lot like Tanjiro personality-wise based on his inserted manga doodles—and is animated by studio Ufotable which is shocking to me since I've seen their previous animations and was not impressed.

How they evolved to combining 3d and 2d with Demon Slayer, excluding Mugen Train, to perfection is beyond me. The contours of the art style alone are thick in both dimensions but the movements go from rough to smooth in perfect transitions that it's absolutely pleasing to the eye!!

How the colours are also set to complement and contrast the background is aesthetically unfathomable I could just stare at it all day.

The music? The soundtrack is amazing. Period. It captures traditional Japanese tones but has a slight mix of the modern era, one such example is 'Wisteria' and sometimes it can get tech-y like Zenitsu's theme, though like the animation, it blends perfectly with the strings. I just can't get enough of this masterpiece.

Thank you for sticking through the unnecessarily long rant ❤❤👋👋

[kasienda]

The Five Minute Adventures of Snake Noir: Ch 5 - Unwanted Revelations

Chapter 1: I Want It To Be You

Chapter 2: Best Friends

Chapter 3: Best Laid Plans

Chapter 4: A Thank You

Chapter 5: Unwanted Revelations

“You okay, dude?” Nino asked. They were sitting on his bed, watching an anime, but Adrien had no idea what was happening in the current episode. 

Adrien’s head shot up from where his cheek had been pressed into his propped up knee.

“Yeah, of course,” Adrien said. “Why wouldn’t I be?” 

Nino frowned, and paused the show. “You’ve just been quiet tonight. 

“I’m just tired,” Adrien said, which was mostly true. “The photo shoot this morning went seven ways to hell after it was disrupted by that akuma.” 

“That akuma sucked!” Nino said.

Adrien nodded in agreement. It had taken Ladybug, Chat Noir, and five temp heroes (Carapace included) hours to deal with. “And once it was cleared up, father insisted the shoot continue even though we had already lost our lighting. Then afterwards he lectured me for an hour about not being professional enough because none of the shots came out to his satisfaction.”

Adrien trailed off, noticing that Nino had his lips pressed tightly closed. 

“It’s not that big of a deal,” Adrien said. 

Which had been the wrong thing to say. Adrien knew it as soon as the words left his mouth. 

“Not that big a deal?!” Nino repeated. “Dude, he runs you ragged, doesn’t let you have any fun, puts you in situations where it is literally impossible to succeed, and then he yells at you when you fail.”

“He doesn’t yell,” Adrien defended.

“I don’t know why you defend him!”

Adrien shrugged. “He’s my father.” 

“Is he? Seems more like he’s your boss.” 

Adrien sagged on the floor, and Nino wilted a second later. 

“I’m sorry, dude. I don’t mean to make you feel worse. He just… makes me so angry!”

Adrien smiled then. “It feels good to have you on my side.” 

“How would you feel about me borrowing the Snake?” Nino asked, casually. 

Read on Ao3

Adrien started, sitting up straight. “What?!” 

“I mean, I just want to punch him in the face. Just once, dude, I swear. But I’d prefer not to get thrown in jail with my future career destroyed because your old man is vengeful.” 

Adrien burst out laughing. “I’d pay to see it actually.” 

Nino smiled and bumped his shoulder into Adrien’s. Adrien’s laughter died down, but his smile remained. 

But Nino looked solemn. Adrien frowned and leaned forward. “Are you okay?”

Nino smiled. “Yeah, I was just thinking. Have you ever thought about using the Snake to confront your father?”

“No,” Adrien admitted. “I am trying not to use it for selfish reasons.”

Nino rolled his eyes.

“What would I even say to him?” Adrien cleared his throat. “Hello Father! I bend over backwards to meet your expectations, but they’re impossible to reach. I want you to show me the same respect you expect me to show you.” Adrien shook his head. “What would be the point? He won’t remember, so nothing will change.”

Nino stared at a Jagged Stone poster across the room. “I just… wonder sometimes if he even knows how much he’s hurt you. Confronting him might tell you that.” 

Adrien was silent for a long time. 

“Dri?” 

Adrien looked up at Nino’s concerned gaze, and then turned away again. “I just…” Adrien said. “What if the answer is he does know? And… doesn’t care?”

Nino wrapped him in a hug at that moment, and Adrien let his cheek fall onto Nino’s shoulder. 

It had been easy to visit Nino and Marinette with the Snake Miraculous. Adrien knew that they cared about him. In fact, he had known they had cared about him on both sides of his mask. If anything, he had underestimated how much affection and love they held for him. So he hadn’t been afraid of anything that might come out in a conversation with them that they couldn’t remember. He knew he’d still hold them in the highest regard. 

But with his father, if he learned something he didn’t like - that his father didn’t care about him, rather than was just abrasive and uncomfortable with feelings and affection - Adrien didn’t know if he would be able to keep up the song and dance routine required to keep his father happy. Adrien wanted to keep what little freedoms he had managed to squirrel away. He couldn’t stand it if they were taken away. He was terrified he wouldn’t survive it.

On some days, he knew he was too close to not almost wanting to survive it. 

It was too easy to throw himself in front of an akuma’s blast, too easy to picture his own bubbling cataclysm floating towards his chest without concern.

But things had gotten better, were continuing to get better. Thanks to Nino mostly, and to Ladybug, too. 

“Have you ever used the snake with anyone besides me?” Nino asked, interrupting Adrien’s thoughts.

Adrien didn’t want to mention Marinette. He knew Marinette wouldn’t have minded, and Nino would have listened without judgement. But it felt weird to tell Nino something about Marinette that she herself didn’t remember.

“Ladybug picked me to use the snake against Desperada,” he confided instead.  

“You’re Viperion, too?!”

Adrien winced. “No, I was Aspik, but… it didn’t go well, and I eventually gave it up, and she selected someone else to be the snake. That person is Viperion.” 

Nino looked at him suspiciously. “How long did you stay in the loop before you gave up?” 

Adrien rubbed the back of his neck. “Umm… like three months?” 

Nino bolted to his feet. “Months?! Dude! You need to stop torturing yourself!” 

“I just… wanted to impress her as myself. She’s already said no to Chat Noir. I was hoping… that being Adrien was a…” 

“Second chance?” Nino filled in sarcastically. 

Adrien grinned. “Exactly! But… she needed a temp hero in the first place because the two of us weren’t enough. So… I had to give it back, and tell her to find someone else. I feared that Adrien was only a disappointment to her.” 

“You tried for months! What more could she ask of you than that?” Nino pursed his lips. “Like how many loops is that?”

“25,912.” 

Nino’s eyes widened, and he just stared at him until Adrien had to look away. 

“Didn’t you lose count?” 

Adrien shook his head. “The snake doesn’t let you forget the number. You know every time what loop you’re on.”

Nino was really solemn after that. “I think that power is the scariest of them all,” he said quietly. 

“Scarier than the power of destruction?” Adrien teased, trying to lighten the mood again. 

“Yes,” Nino said seriously, not taking the hint.

Adrien sighed. “What was the hardest akuma for you as Carapace?” 

“As Carapace?! I was fighting Anansi as Nino while you were caught in some spider web! That was terrifying.” 

“You were a natural with the baton,” Adrien said. 

Nino ducked his head down - trying to hide a blush.

“I was really threatened by it at the time,” Adrien admitted. 

Nino’s gaze snapped back up. “Threatened?! By me?”

“I… It felt like Ladybug was trying to replace me.” 

Nino shook his head. “She was trying to save you, dude!”

“It kinda feels like she’s trying to replace me now, too.” 

Nino frowned. “What do you mean?” 

“She told someone else her identity. And yeah, she explained why she couldn’t tell me so it’s easier to accept now. But Nino, I’ve been sidelined so many times recently. Rena Rouge removed me from the battlefield when Style Queen attacked. I was so far away that by the time I got back…” he trailed off, his brain spiraling rapidly.

“Dude?” 

“Rena Rouge told me not to interfere with SentiBubbler, too.”

“I’m sure she didn’t mean to push you aside like that. Alya loves you both as heroes. You should hear her fangirl about working with both of you.” 

But Adrien wasn’t hearing Nino anymore. Rena Rouge knew a lot - more than any of the other temp heroes. She had made plans with Ladybug before Ladybug had even shown up. 

Rena Rouge was the one that knew Ladybug’s identity. 

But Rena Rouge was Alya.

Ladybug had said she told her best friend in her civilian life.

That meant… 

Adrien couldn’t breathe. 

“Adrien? What’s wrong?” Nino asked, urgently.

But Adrien couldn’t answer. All he felt was horror and dread writhing sickenly in his gut. This was knowledge he wasn’t supposed to know. 

He was the one person that wasn’t supposed to know.

But it fit and he couldn’t unknow it. Marinette had… she had burst into tears upon learning his identity just like Ladybug. She had ranted and railed in anger that Ladybug hadn’t realized how hurt her partner had been by her actions. She hadn’t been angry with Ladybug - she had been angry with herself. And then, she had erased her own memory when he had hesitated because they weren’t supposed to know. 

He was going to throw up. 

“Dude! Talk to me!” Nino begged, tapping either one of Adrien’s cheeks.

Adrien turned toward his friend, but his eyes looked past him, remaining unfocused. 

“Plagg! Sass! Help!” Nino called.

The kwamis flew into his line of sight, and conversed together briefly. Adrien heard none of it.  

His body was trembling - shaking so hard it was amazing he hadn’t fallen off the edge of Nino’s bed. Though that might have had to do with the hand clamped painfully onto his shoulder bracing him from tipping over. Hot tears fell from his cheeks and his chest burned. He clawed for air that refused to come.

“Kid,” Plagg called. “Slow down. You’re okay. Nothing’s happened yet.”

“I-I’m n-n-not supposed t-t-to know,” Adrien managed to get out between the body quakes. He had always wanted to know. And Marinette, she was amazing! She always had been. He wanted to be ecstatic at the revelation. “I don’t w-w-w-want to destroy the world.”

Ladybug had said the moon was in pieces.

“And if you get akumatized right now over it, it will be a self fulfilling prophecy!” Plagg snapped. “Now breathe properly already!” 

“Dude!” Nino chastised. “That’s not how you calm someone down during a panic attack.”

“I’d like to see you do better,” Plagg challenged.

But Nino was already ignoring the kwami. “Dri, breathe in with me.” And then he slowly and dramatically breathed in. 

Adrien tried to follow suit. Really, he did. He took in a slow deep breath, but then his throat would lodge close again, and he’d start gasping again. His chest spasmed painfully. 

“Can you reset the last five minutes?” Nino asked Sass. 

The kwami shook his head. “It’s very dangerous for me to use my power without a holder to limit them. It's not worth the cost,” Sass informed. “He already knew everything needed to put it together. He just hadn’t thought about it. We can reset… maybe… without destroying the timeline completely, but he’ll just figure it out again probably within a few days. Plagg and I knew it was only a matter of time.”

“Some warning would have been nice!” Adrien shrieked, his anger cutting through the shaking, but only for a second. 

“Look kid, we don’t know that this is the end of the world. And honestly, it probably isn’t!” 

Adrien’s green eyes locked onto the floating kwami. “What do you mean?” 

Plagg turned to Sass. “You explain it.” 

“My power works differently than Fluff’sss, but from my understanding, the end of the world probably had very little to do with you knowing each other's identities. It was more like that it was an event that was easy to change to prevent a certain series of events. It wasn’t necessarily that you couldn’t know one another. Just that you couldn't know that day.”

“Why didn’t you say any of this before?” Adrien gasped out. He was still struggling to keep his breathing slow. 

Sass shrugged. “Because we don’t know for certain what happened, and anything short of a guarantee wouldn’t have been enough for Ladybug.” 

“Look!” Plagg interjected. “If things truly go to absolute hell and back, Fluff’s holder will most likely show up to fix things again, and since she’s not already here, we’re likely fine.”

The tension in Adrien’s chest broke, and the rest of his body slumped. Luckily, Nino was there to catch him. Adrien clung to his shoulder even as he tried to face the kwamis. As always, Nino was a rock. If he was phased at all, Nino wasn’t showing it. 

Adrien was dripping with sweat, his blond hair was plastered to the sides of his face. He could breathe now, and breathe heavily he did, still leaning heavily on Nino. 

“So, what do we do?” Adrien asked.

Plagg shrugged. “Use the snake to tell Ladybug you figured her out. Then come up with a plan together. She’s a crafty one. She’ll have ideas.”

Sass nodded. “Most likely, she will know more than she’s told you, Chat Noir. She may have a better idea of what needs to be avoided.”

Adrien nodded. “Okay, okay. We can do this.” He turned to Nino. “Help me stand?”

Nino held out his arms, and Adrien hauled himself to his feet with Nino’s support. 

“I’m sorry to cut our illicit slumber party short,” Adrien said. 

Nino shook his head. “No worries, dude. Fate of the world stuff obviously should come first. But… umm… are you going to be okay running over rooftops? No offense, but… you look like shit.” 

“Plagg, claws out,” Adrien called. As the transformation washed over him, Adrien could stand up straight, breathe easier. He sighed in relief. “With the transformation, I’m okay.”

“Can you let me know when you get somewhere safe and outside a time loop, dude?” 

Adrien smiled. “Yeah, sure.” Adrien pulled his baton from his back. “And Nino?”

“Yeah?”

“Thank you for being here. Thank you for not asking questions.”

Nino smiled. “Of course, dude. Anytime.” 

… 

Marinette wasn’t on her balcony, but her light was on. He couldn’t handle waiting so he sent Sass through the window. She was up on the roof less than a minute later. 

“Chaton? What’s wrong?” 

He transformed with the snake and activated second chance immediately, and then fell heavily onto the only chair on her balcony.

“You shouldn’t have let me keep the snake,” he began without preamble. 

“What are you talking about?” she demanded, but her eyes were wide. 

“We don’t have time for you to try to misdirect me. It’s too late, m’lady.” 

She wilted. “How? Did you try to figure it out?”

He shook his head. “No. I just…” His fingers tried to tear through his hair, only to find the suit draped over his skull. “You told me to tell someone. So I did. I told my best friend. Only he turned out to be a temp hero. He slipped. He thought I knew who he was when Chat Noir showed up in his room. It’s not his fault.” 

“Breathe, kitty.” 

He took in a shuddering breath, but he was still shaky. The panic was starting to grip him again, and he was trying to keep it from exploding, but he knew he was slowly losing the battle. 

She crouched down in front of him and held his hands. 

And he barreled forward in the story. “Then because I knew his identity, I later realized who Rena Rouge was. And I know that you never told me that she was the one that you revealed your identity to, but… she just… knows too much. And I know who Alya’s best friend is. I swear I never meant to figure it out!”

And he couldn’t breathe. “I can’t… m’lady, please. I’m so scared.” He broke off as the sobs overtook him again. 

She held him, stroked his head and neck with calming hands, and whispered nonsensical soothing sounds into his ears. He leaned into her comfort, into her warmth, fighting to collect himself. He needed to get enough out so she could tell him what to do. How to fix this. Because he didn’t want to be akumatized and he didn't want the world to end. Especially not by his hand.

“Tell me what to do,” he sobbed.

“Who’s your best friend?” she asked. 

“Nino.” 

He felt her sharp intake of breath.

“Please don’t start crying,” he begged. “You always cry when I tell you.”

“It’s too late, Adrien,” she whispered. And when he looked up her eyes were already filled with tears.

“Please tell me you have an idea,” he begged. 

She took up his hands and squeezed them tight as she kneeled in front of him again. “You’re not going to like it.” 

He snorted through his tears. “That’s a given.”

“You’re going to go back and you’re going to pretend you don’t know.”

He sucked in another breath and he closed his eyes against her words. “How do you expect me to do that?”

“You’re clearly a very good actor,” she said gently.

And he crumpled in on himself at her words. His head fell into their joined hands as his body shook in an emotional earthquake.

“I’m sorry,” she whispered, continuing to stroke his head. “I wish it was different. I wish I wasn’t placing this burden solely on you. That I wasn’t asking you to put on mask after mask. You shouldn’t have to.” 

“I just… why, do you need me to pretend? How does that help us?” 

“Nothing can change between Ladybug and Chat Noir.”

He felt himself nod though he wasn’t sure if he could ever pull that off. He felt like his whole world had been thrown out of orbit.

“And nothing can change between Adrien and his very good friend, Marinette. You understand?” 

And suddenly, he did.

“We can’t date,” he concluded.

She nodded. “We can’t date. Knowing who you are… it’s clear to me that it wasn’t the reveal that was the problem. It was that our reveal led to us dating.” 

“Wh-What? What does that have to do with anything?” He asked.

“We can’t date. You have to pretend like you don’t know. Can you do that for me, kitty? Can you wait until Hawkmoth has been defeated?”

“I uh… wait?” 

“I love you,” she confessed. 

And he stared at her in shock. She loved him? 

“And you love me. But our love… it destroys the world.” 

Her words hit him like a never ending monsoon. He felt thrown about, twisted up, and torn into pieces all at once.

“What?” he hissed.

“That’s what Chat Blanc told me. I didn’t know you were Adrien. Adrien was the person who learned my identity that day, but it was Chat Noir who knew. And Chat Blanc… he said it was our love.” 

He shook his head even as he cried. “No, no, Mari, I refuse to believe it.” 

“I still have nightmares of the place. Of you alone, and half insane.” Her hands cradled either side of his face. 

He kissed the palm of one of her hands. 

“Mari, please,” he begged. “Don’t make me pretend with you.” 

She kissed him. Hard. He felt dizzy. 

She pulled away and smiled. “Figure I owe you a kiss that you will remember.” 

Then the world blurred around him. God damn her! This was how she knew how the snake worked in the first place, knew how to activate it when she had him distracted. She was the fucking guardian. 

He was standing again. He collapsed into the chair again and just continued to cry.

“Chaton? What the hell happened? Why are you always crying on the other side of one of your loops? How awful am I to you?”

His arms snaked around her midriff, and he pulled her against him. And just sobbed into her stomach.

“You’re not awful, Mari. You’re amazing.” 

And he loved her. 

Her fingers ran over his head and cat ears, causing them to flick back and forth.

He spent the whole loop crying, and the next one after that. But he recovered faster than he did with Nino that first night with the snake. It only took four loops before he got ahold of himself. Maybe he was  getting better at coping with world-ending fear and grief. Or maybe it’s because his lady is just a little bit more soothing to him, as awesome as his best friend was. 

Now, he just felt numb.

And exhausted. 

“How many loops have you been through?” she asked softly.

“Five” 

“What can I do?” she asked.

“M’lady, you’re already doing it.” 

She stiffened at the endearment. He holds her to him harder. “I know have to pretend that nothing has changed. I have to wear a mask around you all the time. Every moment of every day as Chat Noir and every day as Adrien, and I know that I’ll get really good at it. It’s something I’ve done a million times before. But let me have an extra loop or two okay?” 

He can feel her shaking as suddenly she’s crying too.

“I just… I’m scared,” he confessed. “I don’t know how long we’ll have to do this. I don’t know if I’ll remember how to take the walls down when it’s over. Will I even know who I am?” He squeezed her tighter. “And… I don’t know if you’ll wait for me without knowing,” he whispered.

She was caressing the sides of his face in gentle soothing strokes. Tears streamed from her eyes. 

“You’re so amazing!” she told him. “So resilient, and so much stronger than me.”

He barked a broken laugh that held no humor. “You’re wrong. I’m so broken. I’ve been so tempted so many times to just break the loop and let you remember.” 

“But you haven’t.” 

“You’re usually the one that resets it once everything comes out.” 

She kneels down at eye level with him. “You’re my strength, Chaton. My ability to reset the loop is to keep you safe. And no one else. I love you so much.” 

“I love you, too, m’lady.” 

She moved forward to kiss him and he pulled back. She frowned. 

“Please don’t,” he begged. 

“Why not?” 

“Because there’s already too many kisses that we can’t remember. I want us both to remember them.”

“Chaton, if you feel that way strongly, I can respect it. But if you’re afraid of forgetting what it feels like to be yourself, I want you to feel it, to remember it every single day. You should always know what it means to not have to wear masks. What it means to be loved.” 

“Every single day?” he repeated. 

She nodded firmly. “Every single day.”

“What about not abusing the miraculous?” 

“Abuse it,” she said. “I don’t care. You’re more important.”

He was speechless. 

So when she leaned in again, he let his eyes fall closed. Let her press her lips gently against his own. His whole body melted into the contact like butter. He kissed her like it was the first time and like it was the last time, because in a way… it was. 

They stayed together - sharing their life’s breath, letting their mouths and tongues dance together in sync the way Ladybug and Chat Noir always were. They didn’t stop. Eventually, the world blurred, and he realized she had reset the time loop herself again.

But this time he was smiling when he found himself standing on her balcony once again peering into her concerned blue eyes. 

This time he felt lighter and freer. She loved him. And he loved her.

And they would be together someday. 

He had to believe that.

...

Chapter 6: Miraculous Abuse