#love me some horrible men with tragic backstories though

[night-willows]

Hi hello I’m thinking about Kirihara today so I’m subjecting you all to another infodump

TW: everything in Kirihara’s chapter (abuse, violence, etc.)

Interrupting my regularly scheduled Asakura hyperfixation with a Kirihara hyperfixation! This man is very in my brain today. I love him he’s so very fucked up. His absolute obsession with his brother is just so… sad honestly. But god I love the angst so. He has based his ENTIRE identity around someone who has only ever hurt and abused him, because that’s all he’s ever known. We don’t know much about his parents but I doubt they were great if they just let his brother abuse him. His brother was likely the only person paying much attention to him at all. He was his whole world. Sure he was treating him horribly, but Kirihara didn’t even know what being treated kindly felt like. All he knew was his brother’s violence and how it made him happy. All he wanted was to make him happy, because he was his everything. He was all the attention he’d ever received. And then suddenly he just doesn’t have that anymore because his brother abandons him. He’s not better off without the abuse because it’s all he’s ever known and he doesn’t know how to exist without it. He gets terrible abandonment issues from this, he feels so deeply insecure, like he’s not good enough to satisfy his brother anymore. The role he’s played his whole life was his brother’s victim, all he’s been good for is bringing him a sadistic sense of pleasure. He’s very jealous when it comes to his brother too, he needs to be his one and only victim or else he loses his sense of purpose. Who is he without that? Kirihara’s world is his brother, being his brother’s punching bag, without that there’s nothing. At its core I think it’s that sense of nothingness that his brother leaves him with that drives him. He goes on to do everything in his power to get him back. Both literally looking for him and molding his own personality into his memories of him. He has become the exact same kind of violent abusive person that his brother was, desperately trying to hold onto his image. He’s trying to capture his brother’s attention, maybe he’d notice what he’s doing and be proud of the violent person he’s become. Of course, he’d adopt the role of his victim again the second he found him. Actually Kirihara IS still playing the victim role, with his Mizuno persona. Mizuno is the victim, Kirihara is the abuser, and with that he keeps his and his brother’s relationship alive within himself. EVERYTHING he does is some sort of desperate attempt to get his brother back. He’s become him so he won’t have to be left alone and purposeless. Acting like his brother brings him comfort, getting beat up brings him comfort. All because it helps him feel connected to him. And what’s really sad is we know his brother is dead. He never even had a chance at ever finding him again anyway. And Kirihara will never know what he’s missing out on, he’s so focused on trying to become his brother’s victim again that he’ll never know what it’s like to genuinely be loved and cared for. Even if anyone tried he wouldn’t be able to enjoy it, he’s so used to what he considers “love” being abuse. His world is still only his brother. Even though he’s free from the abuse now, he doesn’t see that there’s so much else in life to experience. He doesn’t see his brother’s disappearance as freedom to explore what the rest of the world has to offer, but as the one thing in his world, the one person who needed him, being lost. He doesn’t want anyone else, he doesn’t want anyone who will treat him kindly. To him they’re nothing, all he’s ever known is violence so that’s all that matters.

I hope that made sense?? Sorry I’m just rambling but. Kirihara <33 love him <33 it WOULD be cool to see him get character development and learn to let himself be loved and move on from his brother but. Unfortunately I’m pretty sure he dies in canon- as I said I am an angst enjoyer though so I am throughly entertained by his story even without a happy ending

[blitz0hno]

It's sad to me that if the Milgram cases were Real with ALL the character traits/situational factors being the Same and we analyzed the people the same way we do the characters, we'd all be mocked and degraded for humanizing these "muderers" (except MAYBE Shidou and Yuno but that's not even beginning to touch the other end of the spectrum; some of the patronizing the fans do of characters reflect their real-life sense of "pity" etc.)

Like obviously people are gonna be wary about actions that lead to Death but tbh ALL THESE MURDERS WERE PREVENTABLE WITH BETTER SOCIETAL STRUCTURES

this wasn't supposed to be a long post but fuck it

Haruka needed a caretaker and a care team who understood his emotional and physical needs; he was neglected and compared instead, left to cope with intensely painful emotions alone.

Yuno is highly isolated and seeks feelings of warmth and closeness in quick gratification, because giving your heart to someone else in a selfish world is dangerous; she needed honesty and realness, and also an economy that doesn't make men's objectification of her an ideal career choice.

Fuuta is also highly isolated and has extremely punitive views; his "community" was built on vitriol instead of good faith.

Muu is a neglected teen who lashed out as a result of the social structures she and her friends perpetuated; a culture of perfectionism and hierarchal notions make desperation to stay "on top" explosive.

Shidou shouldn't live in a world where he has to "deceive" people to help transplant patients, or suffer with guilt over his own family; a culture of death acceptance and genorosity would help him overcome these horrible feelings.

Mahiru had her mind fixated on a highly commercialized/mainstream idea of "love" and "romance," wrapping her self-worth in it to the point where she pulled another down; had her partner been honest with her, in a world where saving face and repression wasn't more important than communicating, they could have been at peace with or without each other.

Kazui was forced by the expectations of others to play a role he never wanted to, and another human's hopes and dreams were wrapped up in this role; his "failure" to be a husband to her as a straight man would not have even been an issue in a world where everyone can explore themselves without shame.

Amane was raised with cult ideology and shown immense levels of violence for a child to comprehend; she should have been protected, and a world where safety is more important than ideology would have saved their whole family.

Mikoto was heavily abused to the point where "survive by any means necessary" is on the table; everyone involved in his "murder" would have been better off showing a lot more compassion to others AND themselves.

Kotoko, though no "tragic backstory" that we know of, has always known that this world and that people in it can be violent and cruel; giving them a taste of their own medicine wouldn't be so bad if the medicine weren't so horrible to begin with.

If this world sought understanding before judgement, Es would not have the weight of 10+ worlds on their shoulders.

But if the world wasn't this way, we wouldn't have Milgram.

So it goes.

[yzy-dragon]

I absolutely ADORED S2E9 "Three Stories" of Link Click and was a bit surprised to see the discontent here on Tumblr, and I totally understand the reasons why people didn't like it, especially in the context of the pacing of the rest of S2 (which I also have some opinions on but I won't talk about that here), but I also felt the need to just get my heart out why I love it so much. A bit of background, I'm Chinese American but have lived in and visited China numerous times.

Music and theater. As a western classical musician and an amateur Chinese opera singer enthusiast (I saw someone else post about the possible inspo this episode got from Chinese opera), I VIBED with the artistic direction of this episode SO much. The three-part structure was almost like a sonata/symphony (and remember that one scene where Qian Jin was air-conducting in a previous episode!!) or scene changes in a Chinese opera. Nothing needs to be said about the animation style that hasn't been said already, but I like how scenes from the three individual "stories" were interwoven and reused like leitmotifs. Especially that crazy, tortured laughter. Idk if any of the parallels were intentional on the part of the director, but it's what I got from it due to my personal experiences. I know that's a highly subjective takeaway though, which brings me to my next point....

Qian Jin's "tragic" backstory. I know a lot of people were upset that the extent of Qian Jin's tragic backstory was "oh his wife cheated on him", but I think the "basicness" of his struggles was the whole point (by the way, this segment displayed various attitudes towards work, family, marriage, individual pride, and life in mainland China so subtly but so well!). I also don't think sympathy was the main thing we were supposed to feel for him, although of course there is some. The whole "tragicomedy" aspect of Qian Jin's story is that it's not some horrible, terrible, rare thing that happened to him, but a common problem faced by so many hardworking but busy married men trying to provide for their families: infidelity. But Qian Jin sees himself as the main character of an elaborate play that rivals the great dramatic classics (which, funnily enough, often depicted very DRAMATIZED versions of a rather basic series of events). And his viewpoint is validated when....

Qian Jin meets the twins. That segment is still largely from Qian Jin's perspective, because we still don't really know how LTC and LTX even feel about him. But for Qian Jin, it's a stroke of fate and fortune that could only possibly happen in theater. He's very far removed from reality at this point. Reality is that a cop whose job it is to investigate violent crime comes across two kids who are the victims of a violent crime. Again, nothing particularly special or even coincidential. It's comical like that.

The fairy tale section.  Unlike the first two, I think this segment is from Xixi’s perspective, which not only justifies the cartoony artstyle but also makes it heartbreaking, due to her childlike innocence.  Like Qian Jin, she also perceives her reality as something it’s not, but unlike him, she doesn’t have delusions of grandeur of being a tragic protagonist.  It’s just a little fox trying to survive in a forest full of predators and hunters.  

All that tortured laughter. I’ve actually noticed in a lot of Chinese media that they like to use laughter as a way of signifying a person’s complete mental breakdown due to the tragedies they’ve suffered.  It’s a very internal thing that has people on the outside going, “WTF?”  In this episode we have a lot of characters crazily laughing together at the same time and it seems like they’re relating to each other, but in reality they’re all trapped in their own nightmarish hells and motivated by selfish purposes. 

Back to the topic of Qian Jin, even though he (innaccurately) may see himself as the hero of his own story, it's not enough for him. He wants to use Cheng Xiaoshi to change the past. He wants to become the director of the play.

I know a lot of people were disappointed this episode didn't advance the plot, especially in regard to Cheng Xioashi and Lu Guang's storylines, but I was actually prepared for a backstory episode and couldn't have been more satisfied. Again, I have other opinions on the rest of S2 but at least standalone, I think this episode was nearly perfect. And I really wasn't expecting this, but it's really elevated Qian Jin to one of my top characters.

[aikoiya]

Basically. Though, only OoT, WW, & TP Ganon. The other ones have different tragic backstories.

I feel like it'd just cement the idea that Twinrova were really just using him to destroy Hyrule rather than truly wishing for him to rule.

After all, in this situation, he'd actually have more claim to the throne of Hyrule than Zelda & all he'd have needed to obtain it would be to prove it.

It also makes it very tragic that Ganon either ends up killing his own father or being executed by his father.

In all honesty, if he did ever learn of his parentage & especially of the fact that Kōme & Kotake knew, it'd cause his entire world to come crumbling down around him.

My idea for TotK Ganon is actually that he was the son of a Highlands Gerudo & a Hebra man who were deeply in love, married, & even had a daughter together.

I have a Gerudo settlement up there called Ealiyah. It was founded by Gerudo who broke off from the desert culture due to them having rejected the 8th "Heroine." Thus, these Gerudo created their own place where they could worship him properly. And due to having broken off from the main Gerudo culture, they had the freedom to choose which traditions were kept & which ones weren't. Needless to say, one of the ones that weren't was the sexual segregation of men. As a result, Ealiyah has a lot of men living amongst them.

Anyway, after TotK Ganon was born, the newest iterations of Kōme & Kotake came, killed his parents, then took him to live in the desert.

Their daughter had been sleeping over at a friend's house & thus was spared.

In other words, he has an older sister living in the Highlands.

But in every instance of Ganon being raised by the Twinrova, they always lie about his origins. And lie in such a way as to paint themselves as saints for having taken him in.

I just generally tend to portray the Twinrova as horrible people.

I do know that if the king of OoT learned of their relation first, that his reaction would likely shake Ganon to his core.

Namely, the sheer amount of "Oh, thank The 3 that you're alive," that he'd be exuding. Just immediate acceptance. Ganon would likely have believed that the man would be disgusted, but honestly, he's just relieved that he isn't dead & that he was here now. Is it a shock that he was male rather than the female that he was expecting? Yes, but it's something he'd quickly get over.

That doesn't mean that Ganon would stop his ambitions for Hyrule, but it'd certainly shake him up.

I also know that Ganon would likely be shocked to hear of a genuinely understandable reason for the king & Hyrule's negative views of the Gerudo. Because the Gerudo have been no better to the Hyruleans than the Hyruleans have been to them.

It'd make the conflict more gray & less straightforward.

Either way, I just like the idea of Ganon wondering just how much he actually knows about his "mothers."

Like I said, I don't mind Ganon as the villain. What I mind is the fact that he's so dang shallow as a character.

Like, give me some meat, Nintendo!

Give me something I can sink my teeth into & obsess over like a maniac!

So the latest Ganondorf theory is that Ganondorf...

Was not born but CREATED by Twinrova, who are born of Demises malice/curse.

That the One Gerudo Male every hundred years is them just... making a new Ganondorf who is programmed(yes that's how it was put) to attack and take over Hyrule.

My head hurts.

[silmarillaure]

Ranking the families of Arda

Disclaimer: Since there is so much overlap between many of these prominent families I will try to go by the paternal lines, as that usually determines who your counted among with a notable exception being the descendants of Luthien. Second disclaimer: I won't be including the House of Finwe but rather count his sons's families separately because it makes it easier and because I don't like him.

1. House of Feanor

Take one scroll through my page and you'll immediately know I'm a Feanorian kinnie.

Maglor, Maedhros, and Caranthir are my favorites but I love all these horrible men and will wholeheartedly defend them but C&C might be exceptions.

Still love Celegorm as a character though given how interesting he is. He has the background of a Disney princess since he can talk to animals and had somewhat of fairy godfather yet his fall from grace is down a deeper darker hole than all his brothers and maybe even his father.

2. Mirkwood Royals

Starting off, Oropher himself is rather interesting. Little of his life as a noble in Doriath but after it's fall is where his story truly seems to start.

Now, I have to admit that as someone who descends from colonized people, I do not support colonization in the slightest but Oropher lands on the better end of colonizers. He and his Sindarin people seem to have assimilated into Silvan culture instead of forcing his own upon them. Also, he seems to have been a decent king given he did his best to avoid Sauron but eventually died fighting with the last alliance.

Where to begin with Thranduil. Let me just say he is an iconic character filled with so much charisma and personality. I adore him.

And Legolas, he has a special place in my heart. I loved his vibe from the moment we met him in LoTR. Legolas also proved to me that you don't need to have a tragic backstory(Shut up hobbit movies, his mom could be alive!) or be morally gray to be an enjoyable character.

3. Baggins Family

I love Bilbo. I love Frodo.

I have nothing more to say.

4. House of Finarfin

Finarfin himself, I first underestimated as a character. In comparison to his influential and powerful elder brothers, he seemed so dull. However, the more I read into him, the more appreciation I gained for his character. I also respect that Finarfin seemed to assimilate into his wife's culture and it wasn't only the other way around.

Now, his and Earwen's descendants. I love them all.

5. House of Elros

I suppose all of them are technically members of the House of Fingolfin but since they're humans, I will count them separately.

This family has so many members and not all of them were written about but the ones that were fleshed out were super cool. Elros himself is super interesting given he chose mortality despite everyone he knew and loved at that point was immortal. Vardamir, Elros's son and successor was a cool scholarly dude, Aldarion was literally human Earendil and knew all the cool elf dudes and knew about the threat of Sauron, his daughter Ancalime was an influential badass queen, and finally, Pharazon was a pretty good villain as far as villains go.

5.5. Feanturi + Nienna

I don't know if they should be allowed on this list but I love everything about these three Valar siblings.

6. House of Beor

I care about three characters from the House of Beor and their names are Andreth, Morwen, and Erendis.

I guess I really love long suffering women huh. In all seriousness, I actually think these characters are super interesting and in some cases relatable.

I don't care for the guys though. Before you attack me, let me say I don't hate Beren and think he's a pretty good dude but I just never really connected to his character.

7. House of Fingolfin

Fingon and Aredhel own my heart, I think they're amazing characters. Also, they're both fashion icons.

I love Earendil and his twin boys.

Turgon is an interesting character although he's not one of my faves. Idril's cool I guess.

Maeglin sucks.

8. House of Haleth

I love Haleth and Hurin, and I think Turin is an interesting character.

Everyone else, I don't have an opinion on.

9. Telerin Royal Family

I wholeheartedly love two, maybe four characters from this family. Cirdan, Elwing, Elrond, and Elros.

The twins are already spoken for so let me discuss their mom. Despite being a Feanorian sympathizer, I cannot help but love Elwing. She's an incredibly complex character and I love that about her. I know the fandom characterizes Elwing and Earendil as codependant and while that's probably true to some degree, it doesn't give Elwing enough credit. She didn't sacrifice a possibility of eternal happiness with her elven family for Earendil and she ruled over the Havens of Sirion quite possibly alone while Earendil was off doing hero business.

Cirdan is another awesome underrated character imo. His selflessness is inspiring.

I also want to say I like Celeborn and for some reason I have a soft spot for Olwe but I don't care that much about them, sorry.

Characters from this family I truly don't like Thingol and Dior, and everyone else isn't fleshed out enough for me to have an opinion on.

10. House of Durin

And I finally get to talk about some Dwarves!

I liked Thorin. He made the Hobbit fun and interesting.

I loved Gimli! He's a boss and totally deserved to go to Valinor with his bff.

11. Stewards of Gondor

Boromir and Faramir are awesome.

12. House of Eorl

I love Eowyn with my entire heart. Eomer pretty cool too.

13. Vanyarin Royal Family

Ingwe is low key boring, I'm sorry.

Ingwion is there I guess and close to Finarfin presumably given he fought in the war of wrath.

I like Indis but I don't love her. If her descendants were included this fam would be a lot higher.

[nightcolorz]

Poorly describing my versions of the Gotham rogues:

Joker: “yolo” in its most dangerous form, def is writing a slow burn enemies to loves fic about him and Batman. Gay and homophobic 💯 The other rogues don’t invite him to pride celebrations anymore cause he’ll keep calling people slurs “as a joke”. Him and Edward have longterm beef, like schoolgirl levels of petty drama.

Harley Quinn: would describe herself as a “girlboss” unironically while committing heinous crimes. tweeted “clowns aren’t funny” after breaking up with Joker (ended up causing a huge scandal). The OG “I can fix him” girl. Is sort of the rogues free underground therapist (god knows they need it) cause they can’t get professional help without being sent to Arkham.

Poison Ivy: Breaking News: Cottagecore lesbian commits mass murder cause her plant wilted. She’s what republicans think environmentalists are. Would get in a fist fight with that vegan teacher cause “plants have feelings too”. Has beef with most of the male rogues, supports ‘kill all men’ without realizing it’s a joke (she prefers ‘kill all humans’ but figured she had to downgrade because the Gotham city sirens are humans technically).

Cat Woman: “OH NO! It appears I’ve gotten stuck backwards in the bank vault step-Bat 😏😏😏😏😏😏, looks like I’m not stealing any more diamonds today 😰😩”. Mad respect for Selina, she just wants diamonds and bat dick, no tragic backstory or complex motivations needed. I personally like to headcanon her as wearing a straight up cat costume (ears and a tail like a true furry) cause it’s way funnier to imagine a sophisticated rich woman dressing up as a cat to steal shit than whatever bullshit DCs up to these days. Trans catgirl supremacy 💎👍

Scarecrow: That one guy who gets angry at people because “Halloween costumes are meant to be scary 🤬😡😑😒”. Doesn’t even attempt to express emotions, is the human embodiement of this emoji: 😐. His presence is more jarring than threatening, his intimidation levels are somehow underwhelming and overwhelming at the same time. The other rogues have collectively decided that he’s asexual under no assumption other than that they don’t want to imagine Jonathan having sex. Overtime Jonathan has become basically fearless (he smokes his own fear gas like vape just to feel something). Jonathan and Harley became good friends when they both worked in Arkham, their dynamic is surprisingly wholesome.

The Riddler: Didn’t get hugged enough as a child and is now making it everyone’s problem. Would hold a bank hostage to show Batman his third grade spelling bee medal. Is the only autistic rogue that gets accommodations in Arkham because he won’t stop bugging the guards. FTM trans ofc (his names Edward Nygma for Christ's sake). He ran away from home at seventeen and faked his own death (his deadname is legally dead lmao). Uses the terms “alpha, beta, and omega male” unironically.

Two Face: “Yeah, I mean, I didn’t wanna blow up the orphanage either, but Y’know the coin said-” The other rogues talk to Harvey as if he’s constantly at his breaking point, which is half true. Harv is a stone cold mf, he’s the rock that’s holding Two Face together tbh. Edward calls Harvey and Harv Jekyll and Hyde cause he’s that original. All the rogues have at least a sneaking suspicion that Bruce Wayne is batman and use Harvey as their little primary source (being ex besties and everything), until they find out Selina and Bruce are a thing of course. No matter how much evidence he’s faced with Harvey will never accept Bruce Wayne is batmam, he’s not ready to consider that one of the only positive people in his life has been duking it out with him this whole time.

Penguin: He’s the rest of the rogues chill gay gangster uncle I don’t make the rules. The iceberg lounge is like the Batman villain equivalent of The Central Perk from friends (aka: its their default place to hangout). Oswald always makes a fuss about them not making reservations ahead of them but at this point it’s just performative. Everyone’s 99% sure Oswald and Edward fucked at some point (Edward always makes a show of flustering Oswald when he needs a loan). Ossie always takes care of the others belongings when they’re in Arkham (he has a special place in his heart for Jonathan‘s crows).

The Mad Hatter: I love Jervis lmao he just really likes Alice in Wonderland and that’s a valid ass villain motivation 👍. One of the smartest rogues but doesn’t get enough credit because of how childish he is. He dresses in kids clothes, not just because he wants to but because he’s small af and can’t fit in shit. In public while the rogues are undercover Jervis usually wears a beanie or a baseball cap (he’d get spotted instantly if he wore his usual, but on bad days Jervis can’t bear to be without a hat). Jonathan and Jervis play chess a lot together in Arkham, and frequently engage in intellectual discussion, Edward tends to be a piss baby when Jon encourages him to do the same, he’s not ready to accept the reality that Jervis can match his intelligence.

Killer Croc: Waylon has a surprising amount in common with Jonathan, they share southern solidarity. He doesn’t travel out of the sewer often so the rogues will occasionally come to visit Waylon there (Edward always makes sure to complain loudly about the smell). Will show immense affection and loyalty to anyone who treats him as human (poor guy just needs a friend ☹️).

Mr Freeze: Literally just dead inside, someone give this poor bastard a hug. Victor stands as the most awkward rogue, he‘s sorta like the odd one out. The other rogues don’t interact with him that often because he’s sort of a party pooper. He’s the straight friend on thin ice, haha get it. Mr Freeze is my sisters favorite Batman villain because she thought the ice puns were funny in Batman in Robin, little does she know I’m embarrassing myself on tumblr in her glory.

Music Meister: So many of the Gotham rogues have horrible childhood trauma and Music Meister is just like “people bullied me for being a theater kid 😩😭💔😔”. In all honesty he’s iconic, in my au universe thingy I have him join the dork squad latter on and he sticks out like a sore thumb for a bit. I feel like him and Jervis would really hit it off though (mind control buddies, ha), although Jervis would always get him to sing Alice in Wonderland songs. In Arkham they have him wear a dog collar thingy and zap him when he sings, he gets bullied for that lol. anyways I’m sure I could make more of these, but it’s 2:20 am and my mind went blank. If y’all liked this I could always put more au headcanons out (I have A LOT)

[palettes-and-prompts]

Character Palette/Personality Palette

If I have seen the movie/show/or whatever this character is in I will let you know! But if I haven't I'm just gonna give my best guess to their personality or what I think they like and everything. I will make them two palettes, one based on their appearance and one based on what I think their personality is. If you'd rather not see this just block the tag "character palette and personality guess" I figure no one's tagging anything like that so it should be easy to filter out. If you genuinely like this character and I roast them please understand this is all for fun and it’s just a joke. If you wanna send me a character for a palette and my guess at their personality/interests just drop it on anon or off anon and I'll see what I can do.

Alright so this is Barok Van Zieks from the game series Ace Attorney. Again, never played these. Maybe they're fun, I don't know. Let's get into it.

The outfit reminds me of the military and I don't think that's hot. He looks like Napoleon and not dynamite. He's definitely an asshole but the kind with a tragic backstory he's definitely told to anyone who doesn't know it and will listen. Like, he's got some dad who wasn't there or was a horrible guy or something. And then there's his scar that he has from some fight with like a best friend or relative probably. And every time he looks at it he's just reminded of his sad past. His haircut is really nice though, works for him. This guy throws parties that everyone goes to for the wrong reasons. Like, he throws balls and they're almost all masquerade because who wouldn't throw a masquerade the moment they come into money and start living in rich society? But his parties allow people to, like, cheat and lie and go around like no one knows who they are. But like, everyone definitely knows who's who. But they never say anything because they love the drama of it and don't want it to end. And this guy is never actually at the parties he throws. I mean, he is but he just, like, stands on a balcony with a goblet of wine and just broods while the moon is out. He definitely talks in riddles or poetry. He was definitely a theatre kid who just did not grow out of it. He might not be gay but he's got way more passion in situations with men than situations with women. Like, he'll marry a woman probably but like, definitely talk more about the rival he has somewhere more fondly than he does his own wife. The type of guy to be on his death bead and say shit like "I can't remember her face. But I remember HIM as clear as day".  And he's always talking about muscles or strength and giving off some fruity vibe somewhere. Like, he might not be the fruit but he's definitely the basket. I know his wife is nervous as fuck when his rival is around because she's worried he'll leave her for him. If he has kids it's only one or it's twins so it's established he's been with a woman at least once. I love him, I'd invite him to a party or two for sure. Probably not Christmas because I know he’d be thinking about his rival and would just be such a bummer the whole time. His theme would be Hello by Adele.

Anyway here's his palette based on his character design.

And here is his palette based on what I think his personality is.

[international-sunrise]

hey so you summoned me by talking about Jaeyeol, hi, hello nice to meet you big fan of your blog. Literally two days ago I was complaining to my partner, in lenght and detail, about how Jay is one of those characters that PTJ did so absolutely dirty. My explanation goes as follow:

As a long time Lookism reader, you might have noticed this webtoon contains two major archetypes. The two genders, if you would.

In Lookism, either you're a "Man guy dude", or you're a "Potential Love Interest".

I am not kidding, please keep reading. (The rest is below the cut bc this turned into a Long Boi Post.)

It's no secret that Lookism has... A nearly infinite list of issues regarding the woman characters, be it the younger girls or the adult women. This is because they either 1) Only exist to give the Main Character(s) of the ongoing arc a motivation (Even though most girls fall under this trope, Daniel's mom is the biggest example of this issue, a woman whose name we only found out relatively recently, even though she's been here since the first chapter and has done so much for Daniel!), 2) Only exist to give the Main Character(s) of the ongoing arc a compelling and tragic backstory (A lot of people shit on Heather*. I will defend this poor character until the very end it's Not Her Fault that she was written like that!) or 3) Only exist to make other girls look better or worse.

Literally what the fuck.

These issues above all end up resulting in one thing: None of the girls exist in the story without a man nearby to give them a reason in the narrative, therefore, they only exist to align with one of the existing men's ideologies, plans and goals.

They are "The Potential Love Interest" and most of time, they do not exist outside one of the guys' narrative, unless it's to raise them up. Last time a girl had a story of her own that did not necessarily align with any of the guys goals and motivations (until she meet her Man Guy Dude that is) was Jasmine and look how they forgot about my girl, look how they did her so dirty.

Yeah not even Mary is free from this. PTJ should let her murder someone I think she earned it.

Not even the antagonists are free from this. I legitimately believe they got it even worse, since they are "with the baddies" and therefore "deserve" every horrible trope being thrown at them and a total amount of zero sympathy. Mitsuki being obsessed with Sinu and then being "rescued" by the story's Most Annoying And Insufferable Man and then being fired from her position due being "emotionally unstable" (DUDE?!?!?!?!?). Vivi being EXILED and living isolated from everyone and everything she knows because it was that or letting Xiaolung die but that's ok bc it was Her Choice (AND THEN HE???? STILL MANAGES TO ESCAPE THE EXILE??? BECAUSE HE WAS NEEDED SOMEWHERE ELSE??????????). Yes they both commited crimes that go against the Universal Declaration of Human Rights, what about it, that should give you even a bigger reason NOT to make their Ultimate Weakness be some wet cat of a dude that Likes Her Very Much And Wants To See Her Happy :'(

On the other side, we get the "Man guy dude". Characters who get to be characters on account of them... Being men.

They get motivations and goals and backstories and friendships and allyships and enemies and struggles to overcome that don't neccessarily involve a girl they like (even though it is a repeated offender of a motivation...). They get agency and sometimes even a bit of depth and complexity if PTJ is in the mood. They get families, shitty ones 90% of time but they get them. They get stories that stand on their own.

... Do you see where I'm going.

The reason why, to me, Jaeyeol is such a poorly written character, is because he gets to be in both categories of "Man guy dude" and "Potential Love Interest" while getting... None of the perks and all of the cons of both categories.

Jaeyeol doesn't get to be a character of his own, with his own story (proper story, not hints of a backstory that might or might not be revealed depending on how relevant it is to the plot and Daniel's further development!!), his own goals and motivations, friends and family, depth and morals. No PTJ you don't get to "He's Daniel's friend who dislikes figthing even though half the time we get to see him he's figthing someone to protect Daniel" this away, that's not a character THAT'S A COP-OUT. All of that is obscured in order to always give Daniel an emergency exit (THAT ISN'T EVEN CONSISTENTLY PRESENT IN ALL OF THE ARCS WHEN DANIEL DID DESPERATELY NEED AN EMERGENCY EXIT), a deus ex machina or an ally that won't ever, ever question any of his choices and still put himself in danger in order to protect his beloved friend.

That's not a character, that's a shovel to dig a tunnel if you ever write yourself into a corner. I get to say this, I'm a writer.

However, Jaeyeol also doesn't get to be a proper "Potential Love Interest" even though he checks a lot of boxes for this one category. Quitting smoking, getting over his fear of dogs, being always a call away to help Daniel in both his bodies, returning to a trainer that he probably hated and was originally forced to go to so that he might get stronger and save the one he cares about... Like I don't even have to mention the coma incident and you get the idea. The only other character that has gone through such lenghts in order to make Daniel happy... Is literally his own mother.

You know what do Park Seonhui (Daniel's mom) and Hong Jaeyeol have in common, as characters? They only appear when Daniel needs to make an important Character Development Moment for which he needs the Extra Motivation. And they always get hurt by or for him, both emotionally (Seonhui) and also physically (Jaeyeol).

And yes. They could be after all, just friends, because not everything needs to be romantic and Daniel sort of needs a friend who doesn't gets into fistfights in order to communicate his feelings (platonic, romantic, whatever) to him.

(... Even though he was the one doing the beating up this time around.)

That still doesn't remove the issue of how, when you remove Daniel out of the picture, you barely get an outline of what a character is supposed to be when it comes to Jaeyeol. Because outside of existing for Daniel's sake, he, as a character, hasn't been explored. Like, at all.

And to make things worse, we don't even have another character we could use to compare Jaeyeol's behavior towards Daniel. Shit, Joy doesn't even appear anymore! His older brother Kitae vanished into thin air! His dad hates him! We don't even know if he's got a mom! Only very recently we finally got him "interating" with characters that are Not Daniel(tm) and it was mostly them acknowledging him with the respect of an equal... Only for him to get beaten up just a couple of chapters later.

Also don't think I didn't notice PTJ forgot to draw him in the zoom-out scenes. My man literally vanished into thin air.

Will Jaeyeol ever get to EXIST outside being a convenient plot device in order to develop Daniel's character? Or will he, until the bitter end, only be a cruel example of how characters in this story can get painfully devoted to something that's only a shell?

On Jay (Why It Makes Me Sad)

Five reasons why I want justice for this character.

Daniel is my ultimate bias in this webtoon, and I always cheer for him (mostly for the real Daniel), having so long seeing him as the underdog. However, with the webtoon's increasingly greater focus on Daniel's growth, both physically and mentally, I think I've lost sight on the injustice suffered by fans of other characters. I think of myself as a selfish, cruel fan, who enjoys my fave character's development at the expense of other people's suffering. And I'm sorry for that.

I'm talking about Jay.

First, it's just not fair for PTJ to suddenly bring Jay back into the foray only to assist in Daniel's struggles and then be defeated dismissively. Jay is a character whose formidable strengths as a fighter was introduced very early in the story, as was his tenacity and his loyalty.

Second, and most importantly, to me it's not fair for PTJ to abandon Jay after introducing his backstory as an emotionally abused minor.

Sometimes PTJ follows through with explaining the impacts of abuse. Eli's and Samuel's abusive backstories have real repercussions on how they grow as people and how they treat others. In other times, as in the case of Jasmine, PTJ drops the plotline completely after introducing it. I hope that this won't be the case with Jay, since his backstory is connected with Steve Hong, Charles Choi's bitterest business rival and Daniel's secret backer.

Third, while I'm not invested in the Jay x Daniel ship, I'm sad about the hatred that some fans show Jay because of his sexual orientation, gentleness, and/or muteness. I wish that there was more generic way for PTJ to incorporate Jay more into the story. His search for Big Daniel, for example, and his struggles in doing so. After all, wouldn't this sort of thing make an interesting arc in a story that's bordering on the thriller genre?

Fourth, it disappoints me that we can't we see Jay build friendships with other characters more. I really enjoy seeing him interact (in silence, but still) with Vin, Jihan, Jibeom, and Hudson in this arc and in the arc before (Holiday Pt 2). I was surprised at how kind and understanding Hudson, Jibeom, and Jihan were to Jay, and how relaxed Vin treated him. Why can't see more of that? Doesn't Jay deserve this development as an OG character who's been there since forever in this story?

Fifth, personally as someone who enjoys reading the duel scenes, I wish to see more representation of weapon users in the story. With an increasingly bizarre techniques (some fans say that Jake's drug lord brother uses pankration; an ancient, brutal form of Greek wrestling) being introduced in the story, Xiao Long's absence and Goo's involvement in Manager Kim, I miss seeing Jay fighting, and in detail. Arnis is a formidable martial arts, after all, and he's really good at it.

Justice for Jay.

[smnthwrd]

i told myself i wasnt going to get fired up about mickey milkovich today but i started thinking about it and now i cant stop so im just gonna give anyone who cares a messy rant about how HOMICIDAL it makes me when the characters post-s5 talk shit about mickey. this isnt going to be eloquent because im exhausted but maybe ill come back and say it better some time. it just pisses me off so unbelievably much how as soon as mickey left, everyone--even mandy??-- took to shit talking him every chance they got.

its like, is mickey perfect? no, of course not, but no one on this show is?? and they dont just acknowledge his flaws, which they could have done and i wouldnt have been mad, but like everyone constantly talks shit about him and talk about him like hes an idiot (emotionally AND academically,) but they never seem to acknowledge just how fucking crazy it is that hes even come this far considering his horrible, awful upbringing??? like fucking hell man, ian literally called it "the milkovich house of horrors" at one point and everyone just expects him to come out of that and be fine?? like, huh?? no one on the show talks acknowledges the fact that the milkoviches didnt have a fiona growing up to look after them, to make sure they went to school, washed up before dinner, and maybe even talked about their feelings occasionally. the milkoviches grew up in an "every man for himself" household with terry milkovich for a father and like yeah? thats going to leave you with some problems ?? but no, no one ever acknowledges that its amazing that mickey was even ABLE to come out at all, considering all of the trauma he endured in the milkovich house--including being LITERALLY raped for being gay. if you ask me, its honestly just amazing that he didnt kill himself, let alone that he actually came out and started living his life as himself. i mean really, how many gay men with a backstory as tragic as his make it out alive and in love?? not many, in real life OR in television. but no no no, mickeys an asshole because he has to live with years of homophobic trauma that ultimately left him with a few issues 😐🤚

and DONT EVEN GET ME STARTED on how ian himself shit talks mickey every goddamn opportunity he gets????? like even after mickey comes back?? like the fact that in their fight scene at the baseball field ian is literally COMPLAINING because mickeys gone ~soft~ or whatever and whining about "where's the shit talking piece of south side trash i fell in love with blah blah wah wah aah suck it harder f*ggot😫" and TAUNTS mickey until he punches him back (i know that ians got his own reasons for this, im not hating on him, i love ian dearly) but then has the audacity to turn around and act like mickey was just so toxic🥺 and abusive💔, as if he didnt explicitly state that thats why he fell in love with him🤡 and then talk so lightheartedly about his FORCED MARRIAGE to the mother of his child that was CONCEIVED THROUGH CONVERSION-RAPE💀?? like the way the writers had ian so casually shit on mickey and trauma while hes gone just rubs me the mf wrong way. and then even in later seasons?? he STILL talks down TO him and about him and claims that "his emotional IQ is lower than carls actual IQ" as if mickey didnt look after him when he was working at the fairytale, come out to his VIOLENTLY homophobic father for him, try to take care of him during his depression, worry himself SICK when he took yvgeny during his manic episode, help the others convince him to go to the mental hospital even though he himself was against it at first, lay down in bed with him and KISS HIS FUCKING FOREHEAD, go to his doctors appointments with him, buy him every b vitamin he could find because he thought it would help, and then not only tell him he loves him, but use his WORDS (which is something we know is difficult for him) to explain to him exactly what "love" means to him.

im sorry WHAT?? where is this "low emotional IQ" that im hearing so much about? because thats not the mickey milkovich that the writers and noel fisher spent 5 seasons building and beautifully portraying 😐🤚

and im genuinely not going to get into the whole byron thing in s10 and the monogomy conversation because i ACTUALLY dont have the enegy to explain how angry i am with the writers for completely throwing all of his character development in the trash. just-- the fucking BUFFOONERY of it all.

it honestly just feels like writers revenge, like they wanted to make mickey seem like an asshole because they were bitter about noel leaving--which he had EVERY right to do considering he was putting in the work of a regular but not getting paid like one. so i dont know if fiona disliked mickey entirely or just with ian, but it seemed to me like she just didnt like him. it makes me glad she left, because i honestly cant picture her welcoming mickey into the family the way the rest of the gallaghers have.

[sonia7atm]

BRIDGERTON BOOK SERIES REVIEW.

So here it is, before I start I just wanted to say that I’m in no way shape or form an expert in english or literature for that matter. English is my third language and I’m studying science. Having said that, I have read all eight books in less than two weeks and I have a lot of opinions that I wanted to share so here they are. Obviously: SPOILERS AHEAD

The series in its entirety

The bridgerton series is probably the best written series that I have ever read. I loved the fact that it is made up of 8 books, but also the way the books are structured. In each of the books we focus on one of the siblings and their significant others, and even when the side characters are there, they are not really a main focus of the story. This means you can pick up a random Bridgerton book without having read the other ones and you would not feel like you are missing something. I really liked this because it meant that with each book you were getting to know a different sibling, thus you are never really bored and there wasn’t unnecessary drama happening with the already established couples, which is refreshing at the least.

However, it does have setbacks. In some of the books, you find that this side characters really change from the way they appear in the background or the other novels, and it can be difficult to digest at first. Another flaw that I found is with the brothers' books. When I was reading some of the books dedicated to the men of the family sometimes I found that we don’t spend enough time with them and when you finish the books you don’t have an understanding of who they are. Maybe I’m not making sense but I’ll elaborate in each book a little bit more.

But in the end, even these little flaws, I had a great time reading the books and finding out what was happening with the family.

My favourite book - AOFAG

I know some people have trouble ranking the Bridgerton books, especially, the favourite one, but I’m not one of them. I am obsessed with “An offer from a gentleman”, I love the story, I love Sophie, I love Benedith and I love Violet Bridgerton with all of my heart. This book is great from the start, even though b, the third book you know a happy ending is what the book is leading to, it still excites you and makes you wonder. AMAZING DARE I SAY.

Sophie is one of my favourite characters in all of the books. She has a strong morals system and you get really inspired by her. All of the things she goes through are horrible, but she still remains such a calm and kind individual that I cannot help but stan. HARD. She has very strong ideas and morals and she sticks with them even when they mean losing Benedict. I found this message really important and powerful because we usually see the opposite: people changing their views for their significant other, and I don’t think it's right. So, hereby I declare Sophie QUEEN of the Bridgerton clan.

Moving on to Benedict, I heard a little bit of criticism with his actions in this book and I see where they are coming from, but I don’t share them. I think Benedict is one of the brothers that suffers from a really deep female counterpart and as such his thoughts are not fully explored. In my opinion Benedict is tormented by the fact that he is the second Bridgerton and nothing more (similar to Colin and kinda Gregory really), and also by the fact that he lost the woman at the ball. On top of that, Sophie comes along and he starts falling for her and he feels guilty that he is falling for someone else, so he doesn’t fully commit to Sophie but also doesn’t really leave her. It’s a messed up situation and he doesn’t make the best decisions but I understand his actions and I support him. The only thing that really annoyed me about Benedict is that he doesn’t recognize Sophie at all. I wanted to hit him, hard, in the head, with a fucking piano.

Now the best of the best: Violet Bridgerton. She was the surprise character of this book in that prison scene. In the previous book you still see her and like her but she saves the day in this one, and I felt like I really knew her after that. She is not the typical ton mother, she really values their children’s happiness and takes everyone under her wing. She knows who she is and the importance her family has and she uses her powers for good. I gained so much respect for her. A surprise character and a great one.

To sum it up, Benedict and Sophie are perfect to each other, like this mellow entity. Two kind souls, always happy, always calm. Of course they live in the countryside, they could not live anywhere else.

Top tier books - WHWW, RMB, TVWL

WHEN HE WAS WICKED

This book wrecked me, I have to admit I was a mess, I could not deal. A tragic story with so much longing and guilt and despair, I love a drama, man this is great. I went in knowing the basics of it but I was not prepared.

The poor Francesca has the most devastating story in my opinion: she suffers from infertility, her husband dies, she doesn’t feel like she fits in her family, and when she falls in love Michael is sick, WHY?!. Throughout the book you get to see how strong she is, how strong-willed she is. We are not talking about this enough. She loves with all her heart and she suffers with all of it too. She and Michel have a really strong chemistry and it translates really well. I think she was really clever to wait and think before committing to Michael, and I see how she would need to see him in danger to really let herself fall completely. In the end, she knows what losing someone you love feels like and she doesn’t want to feel that again. I understand. Also, an important part of Francesca's journey is to realize that loving someone else doesn’t diminish her feelings for John, and I love how Michael acknowledges it. 

Michael is a really interesting character who falls in love at first sight with the wrong woman. He is fully aware of this fact and it is really good to see that he doesn’t doubt his love for her, but is instead aware of the impossibility of doing something about it. Even when he can do something about it, his respect for his cousin is always present. The guilt he feels for loving Francesca both when John was alive and after he died is so different but so well written. It’s eating him up and It is painful to read to be honest. However, I found that said guilt disappeared rather quickly after his conversation with Colin. I may be the only one but I was a little bit put off by it, and that’s why this is not my favourite book in the series.

THE VISCOUNT WHO LOVED ME 

The bees, I could talk about the bees for days after reading this one. This one has a lot of Bridgerton backstory, and it explains so much of the rest of the bunch even if not directly. So I would say not to skip it (but why would you skip any of them?).

Kate Sheffield is one of the best written characters in this series. She is complex, fierce but delicate, confident but self-conscious. I would kill for her, she deserves it. Her family dynamics are impeccable. You feel the love between these three women and the roles they have, and you get them really quickly: Edwina is the little sister, a little naive but good-hearted, Kate is the fierce older sister and Mary is the compassionate step-mother. I really enjoyed their dynamics. The introduction of Kate’s character is by presenting her goal for the season: defend her sister. When Anthony enters the pool of suitors, she obviously opposes and their back and forth shows she is very witty. But as the story goes on we get to see her insecurities and fears, in a way that it’s so in character but at the same time so different from the start. It’s amazing and I can see why she is such a fan favourite.

Anthony is a baby.We can see how Edmund’s death really scarred him, and those wounds are deep. He believes in his own demise so blindly that it is conditioning all of his decisions.He grows a lot until he is able to share them with Kate and they bond so beautifully over it. Getting to see that, was something that I loved and enjoyed so much. It makes you really connect with both of the characters and it explains so much of his behaviour, that even if he frustrates you, you can’t be mad because you understand where he comes from.

Newton is the guest star in this one and I would like to take our time to appreciate the captain of the Kanthony ship. This little dog is such a plot device, put there to cause havoc and bring Kate and Anthony together, it is so funny. He smelled Anthony and decided he wanted a new dad. Put a plan in march, probably alerted his friend, THE bee.

ROMANCING MR BRIDGERTON

The message of this book is amazing. The journey they both go through to re-know each other is beautiful. Penelope and Colin have known each other for years, and they both have a version of the other in their minds but as the story progresses they unveil hidden personality traits about each others and I love how it is acknowledge and developed into a clear message of “people are flawed and not the perfect individual you wish them to be, and that’s ok”. It is really necessary and it made me reflect on my own relationships and how I could improve them. Colin and Penelope have to be my favourite couple of the series, but, because they were because of the show and not the books, when I finished this book I was left feeling like I wanted more, and that is why it is not my favourite one.

This is the book where readers find out Penelope is Lady Whiseldown and it is a big plot line. However, this revelation is maybe halfway through the book and until then, Penelope's inner monologue doesn’t reveal anything. I would have loved to really focus on it and know from the start how she really did it but at the same time, we get to see so much of Pen’s growth anyways. She is shy and kind but when she is with someone she trusts (in this case Colin and Lady Danbury), she is full of wit and boldness. I see myself so much in these characteristics that I cannot help but make her my favourite character in the series (totally biased but it is what it is). She starts with a sense of discontent about her, she knows her fate and accepts it but, she doesn’t necessarily like it. She is trying to change the way people see her and Lady Danbury helps a lot with it. She and Colin spend a lot of the book kind of on opposite sides in part because of their own demons, she wants to prove herself and at the same time is faced with the realization that the Colin she made up in her mind is not the real one. It really makes you wonder if it’s a happy ending at the end of it, because they both have such strong points but they are so diverse. At the end, after they talk about it, their relationship is full of devotion and you feel how they are making each other focused and better. I would die for them.

Colin is such a tumultuous character and it is a stark contrast on how we get to see him in the previous and following books. He is used to putting the charm on and fooling everybody but, of course, in this book we explore his inner workings and now we know the truth. He is just a lost puppy, looking for something to do with his life, and he is so focused on this search and runnin away for his family that he doesn’t see that there is already something that he is good about: writing. His relationship with Pen is obviously key in all of this searching because it pushes his limits and makes him think. His realization, of both his vocation and his love are slow and steady. He sometimes jumps to conclusions and rushes things *ahem*the proposal*cough* but not love, and once he commits he does it fully. The “stay, stay, stay” scene is a monumental hallmark in the book. We see Colin really deciding and choosing Penelope and Lady Whistle down with all that it entails. And later on, he opens out about his jealousy over her work, but he does it when he is ready, and Pen allows him to come to her when he needs without judgement. They are so perfect it hurts. 

The lack of Eloise is an insult to my soul but we get Lady Danbury as the guest star. She is on Penelope's corner helping her navigate the ton and her relationship with Colin, as a mother figure would. I believe she at least has a big suspicion that she is LW, but I might be wrong.

All-nighter books - OTWTTW, IIHK. ON THE WAY TO THE WEDDING

Gregory’s book is full of twists and turns that you just cannot put it down. Not the fact that the main female character is Lucy and not Hermoine, like Gregory thinks half of the book, just because you don’t. It is pretty clear that Lucy is our heroine so the fact that Gregory falls for her is not a twist itself because we (and Kate) already know. But in my opinion, the fact that it starts with Gregory interrupting the wedding and then it goes back and explains the backstory to you, so it is constantly leading up to it. 

Lucy is not the most interesting of the female leads but it is part of her charm. She is a normal girl, her life is already arranged, so she doesn’t feel the pressure the rest of them do, she is just enjoying herself. She doesn’t believe in love, and it is so funny how in denial she is about it, until it all explodes. 

Gregory’s life was influenced by her brothers before him and his big family but he feels so alone because of the age difference. He is trying to find his place in life and, because he saw all of his siblings fall in love he wants the same thing so badly, that he confuses desire with love. He is so precious, and must be protected at all costs.

The last few chapters are action packed, there’s an urgency in everyone's actions: Lucy, trying to save her family and Gregory, trying to save Lucy. I couldn’t figure out what was going to happen and that hooked me. The fact that the wedding actually takes place is the most shocking plot of all of the books.  

To conclude, Gregory owns my heart and I trust him with it.

IT’S IN HIS KISS

This story is another “all-nighter”, because it revolves around a mystery and the search for Gareth’s grandmother lost jewels. This quest brings Hyacinth and Gareth together, with a lot of Lady Danbury’s help. It’s really interesting to read about the felonies they commit, all of them instigated by Hyacinth, who, in my opinion, is chaos personified. 

Hyacinth is the most forward-thinking woman of this series. She is outspoken, confident, loud and apologetic. All of these traits really set her apart, because she doesn’t play by the rules of society, she does what she pleases, and she should. She is the typical little sister, a little spoiled but with a good heart. Her conversations with Violet are really touching. 

Gareth on the other side, is not in a good place with his family, and it is endearing to see how shocked he is by the Bridgerton’s closeness. He has a severe lack of self love, and sees himself as an imposter, and not worthy of Hyacinth. But when he falls, OMG, HE FALLS. His attitude towards Hyacinth’s personality is amazing because he loves her exactly as she is, and knows he will be following her orders for the rest of his life. Adorable. (He is the “That’s my wife” meme).

Lady Danbury is again the guest star and it only helps to cement her as the cool grandma that we all aspire to be. An honorable mention is Anthony getting super-duper happy that all of his sisters are married and therefore he is free (my poor guy).

However, the main issue I have with this book is that the decision of getting married is really attached to Gareth’s need to vex his father, who is a horrible person, and it makes me mad. 

Not my favourite books - TSPWL, TDAI

TO SIR PHILIP WITH LOVE

In this book Eloise decides running off to meet a possible husband is a great idea. Her brain, I can’t. Obviously the Bridgerton brothers follow her and force the two to marry anyways, although they were already falling in love when they found her. Phillip, Eloise's love interest is a loner and lives outside of the ton and I think that these traits really work with her because they are polar opposites but at the same time they fit so well. The relationship Eloise has with Amanda and Oliver is so cute, because you can see that these kids just need some attention and help navigating the world without her mother and Eloise is there for them.

However, even though I loved their storyline and I wanted to rank this higher I couldn’t. The other Bridgertons are a big part of this book and when I was thinking back on it the parts that I remember fondly the most are when Anthony, Benedict, Colin and Gregory arrive to kill talk to Philip, and then when Charles is ill and we get to see Benedict and Sophie as parents. So, I like this book because of side characters and not the main ones, even though I know there is nothing wrong with them. However, I do think the book is ok and I would recommend it nevertheless.

THE DUQUE AND I

I don’t have much to say about this book. The r*pe is completely unnecessary in my opinion. Daphne and Simon have terrible communication skills, but so do Kate and Anthony, for example, but still, the repercussions are not that severe. It is so much worse in the books and it has no consequences whatsoever. Up until that point, the enemies to secret dating to falling in love is such a classic thorpe that I usually like, but I cannot separate the two of them. In fact, I would advise to skip this one.

Hapily Ever After

Thank you to the heavens for this book. It is just a little exploration of all of the sibling’s future and an extra story for Violete.

Daphne’s story revolves around her last pregnancy. A surprise one when she is quite old. I found it really sweet and it looks like she and Simon are really happy with their life so good for them. Also, Colin and Penelope visit with all of their children so I’m obligated to like it.

The TVWLM continuation is a get together in Aubrey Hall for a Pall Mall rematch. I had so much fun reading it and getting to see all of the Bridgertons interact in a “relaxed” manner.

Sophie and Benedict’s story focuses on Posy and her search for a husband. She is lovely and I do want her happiness but getting to see Sophie and Benedict interact while actually together was a treat. I feel very blessed to see them be the balls of sunshine they both are.

Then we get to see how Eloise found out Lady Whisheldow’s identity. It was fun, and we get to see Pen and Eloise being friends, which we don’t get enough of in their respectives books. Colin and Penelope leaving the wedding early, was a gem. They are a couple of horny idiots and I love to see it. After that, we focus on Eloise again and we get to see a little bit more about Amanda and Oliver.

One of the main things about Francesca in her book is the fact that she wants a baby, and it is never resolved. In this one, we get to see how Francesca and Michael become parents and it's another heartbreaking one. We get to see how worried Violet is for her and also how Michael and Francesca talk and understand each other. They are one of the best relationships on this series, I said what I said.

In IIHK the diamonds are never found, but we find them here. It is great to know they were not missing and also a relief to know that Gareth was able to rescue the family even without them. The fact that Isabella actually finds them and proceeds to say nothing is hilarious. But when Hyacinth finds them the happiness she feels is so wholesome.

Then we get to see Gregory and Lucy’s twins be born (their 8th and 9th children). It is not an easy task and for a moment I was afraid for Lucy but it all works out in the end. It was filled with great moments but the one that I like the most is when Gregory says that Katherine gave him purpose in life, because he was meant to be a dad. I cried ngl.

And lastly, we meet Edmund. He is very present throughout the book but I was not expecting to grow so attached to him with this little story. It is divided in different stages of Violet’s life and obviously we get to see her romance with Edmund. I loved the little details, his behaviour reminded me of Gregory but he eats a lot like Colin so it is great to see where they get their traits from. The later parts, after he dies, show you how much importance Violet puts on remembering him and preserving his memory. They were truly soulmates, and it is such a shame that their time together was cut short.

[stickandthorn]

I know I’ve made jokes about Liam “angst” O’Brien, but in all honesty the fandoms unrelenting association with him and angst/tragedy really bugs me for a few reasons, and I’m gonna rant about them right now. (This isn’t calling anyone out, I know I’ve fallen into this too, it’s just general fandom mindset that’s come to really annoys me.)

Firstly, his characters are not as angsty as people say. Vax had a tragic arc and ending, no denying that, but he was a very fun loving and jovial person who was not meant to be angsty, he’s honestly so different from fanon interpretation it’s mind blowing. Caleb was very tragic character with a horribly sad backstory of course, but his story was about growth and recovery and healing, about moving on from tragedy and making a new, happy life while having and healing trauma, and yet the fandom once again boils him down to just his tragedy and honestly that really hurts his whole character.

And then people do this to his non angsty characters. I’ve seen people try to angstify Orym, who obviously has some tragedy in his past but absolutely no more than any other character. I’ve even seen one or two people try and angstify Buddy. Fucking Buddy, the dumb, sweet, friendly ogre. Wtf?

This also brings me to another point of mine, which is that Liam is not only not the only one who makes angsty characters, but sometimes he makes less angsty characters than everyone else, and yet his characters tragedies are far more emphasized than everyone else’s. Caleb has a very tragic story, but you know who else has a somewhat similar and also extremely sad story? Percy. And yet you don’t see Taliesin getting the Liam fanon treatment (though I have my own problems with how fanon treats Percy only as the dark, gritty, vengeful, tragic anti hero while his whole story is about moving away from that recovering from that mindset- but that’s a whole other post). Hell, Fjord has a really sad story too. So does Veth. So do so many characters. And in EXU? I’d say Dorian and Fearne and honestly Opal all of more tragic stories than what we know about Orym so far, and yet Orym is treated like this extremely angsty character (which he isn’t) who’s even more tragic and angsty than is party members. Which is. Huh??

And of course, another issue I have, is that tragedy is an inherit part of storytelling. Almost all stories must have conflict, and tragic backstories are so common because they’re such good tools for making interesting characters. Not only that, but the tragedy Liam chooses to explore is always complicated and deep, and usually well done. Like Caleb’s whole story, about a man recovering from trauma and horrific abuse and growing to find a new family, and then taking down his abuser without going down the revenge quest rabbit hole so many men get assigned to, is absolutely wonderful and complicated and deep and something you don’t see very often. But when you dumb it down to “oh, there goes Leema Obean, making yet another angsty twink character hahahaha” it takes away so much of the important parts of the story. Treating character tragedy as just “angst” becomes pretty condescending at a certain point.  These are just a few of my points about why I really dislike this fandom mindset, it’s not very coherent and this is just a ramble of mine, but here it is.

[professorchaos]

oh is the ask meme thingie still happenin? if so do stephen "ceo of sex" stotch 🙄 /lh

Why I like them

UGHHHH OKAY. OKAY UGH. OKAY. WELL. IT'S BECAUSE I'M NORMAL (: amd i\m fine and i don't need to go to therapy and i DON'T need to talk to anyone and i have GREAT taste in men (:

ok in all seriousness... he's... ok wait hold on. sorry this one causes me some stress (/lh)

he's the funniest parent to me (funnier than randy, though only because randy's so overused now... he's sort of replaced the role randy used to have, and i like him best this way). he's also obviously extremely fucked up. this man is only in his 30s. WHAT HAPPENED TO YOU!!!! (we know what happened).

when i first got into sp, i was closer to butters' age than i was to stephen's, so it was easy to relate to him in their relationship. as i get older, i find i start looking at the adults around me in a different way. i've become incredibly invested in stephen and linda and their messy horrible fucked up little lives! they're so strange and so familiar and so hate-worthy and so pitiable. i wanna know everything about them! i also wanna objectify them as much as possible because it's funny and i like it

i think watching moral orel changed me fundamentally (it certainly, at least, changed the way i view the stotch family).

Why I don’t

(points a big red glowing neon sign at him that says CHILD ABUSER) oh you are an evil fucked up little man! oh i am going to study you in my petri dish!!!!

Favorite episode (scene if movie)

MARJORINE!!!! also adore him in informative murder porn.

Favorite season/movie

so so grateful for his boss fight in TFBW. yes give us MORE

Favorite line

(while linda sobs uncontrollably beside him) "we don't want to jump to conclusions, but we're worried someone may have kidnapped butters, sodomized him over and over, then fed his genitals to wild animals."

Favorite outfit

HIS LITTLE WINTER OUTFIT ;___; YOU ARE SOOOO CUUUUTE

OTP

he's married and i do not want them to get divorced, so?

Brotp

the other dads... randy... stuart (omg frenemies?? o__o) i think that him and stephen (steven?) black could bond over theirs and their wives' weird shared names lol. been thinking a lot about what his relationship with his actual brother might be like recently and have come to the conclusion that they don't seem to get along. but i'm still interested in it... tell me everything about this man

Head Canon

sotches ate the cat

ummm... hmm... this is hard because i have a lot but they tend to be extremely mundane things. i think he has OCD

Unpopular opinion

he loves butters genuinely, and this does not in any way make him even the tiniest bit less abusive. i do not think he needs redemption through fanon exploration of his tragic backstory, however. i like him because i am interested in him, but i care about butters' feelings and well being more. as the victim, and a child, butters matters more.

A wish

STEPHEN STOTCH IN PHONE DESTROYER STEPHEN STOTCH IN PHONE DESTROYER STEPHEN STOTCH IN PHONE DESTROYER

An oh-god-please-dont-ever-happen

no stephgen stotch in phone destroyer? ):

5 words to best describe them

you're well fucked up you

My nickname for them

;)

[britesparc]

Weekend Top Ten #481

Top Ten Pixar Villains

Those rascals and rapscallions at Pixar are famous for twisting our emotions, aren’t they? Perverse masters at making us cry with sadness or joy, often at the same time (I’m looking at you, Inside Out, with your yellow and blue marbles). Oh yes, they’ll stick the knife in and give it a good old yank, like John Travolta teaches his daughter to do in Face/Off when he’s not really John Travolta and it’s a bit icky but then she stabs him at the end of the film so it’s alright really.

Where was I?

Oh yeah. Pixar, renowned for turning grown men into blubbering messes, mostly because an adult character was convinced to part with old toys he no longer plays with. But I’d argue that one thing they’ve done less well than their parent studio (that’s Disney) is crafting iconic baddies. I mean, we all know the Disney Villains; they’re so iconic and successful as pop culture icons that there’s an entire trilogy of movies based on what would happen if a bunch of them had kids (apparently they’d sing a lot). Pixar baddies though? Hmmm, maybe not quite so iconic. I can’t see someone making a live action prequel movie about Chef Skinner.

But that’s not to say they’re not great; in fact, rather than going down the route of snarling, moustache-twirling villainy, Pixar actually does a great job in creating antagonists instead. Sometimes they’re misunderstood; sometimes they’re not the person you thought they were! Quite often some kind of redemption is offered, and the villains are very, very rarely dropped off something tall. A lot of them aren’t even defeated, so to speak! A good deal of nuance and shade goes into a Pixar villain, and if they haven’t made as many all-time-great iconic ne’er-do-wells, it does seem as if their approach is starting to rub off on Disney mothership (the likes of Frozen II and Moana either don’t have, or at least subvert, the notion of all-powerful bad guys).

So what do we have? Well, hopefully, we’ve got a list of really cool villains from Pixar movies. most of them are presented as the film’s “big bad”, although there are a couple of lesser baddies. And I think we do see the pattern emerging, of more mundane levels of villainy; the selfish and greedy and damaged. It makes for great characterisation and some beautiful storytelling; some complex and pitiable characters. And, yes, a few absolute bastards too. Let’s tut disapprovingly.

Lots-o’-Huggin’ Bear (Ned Beatty, Toy Story 3, 2010): a superb performance from Beatty as a seemingly nice, jovial old bear who’s really a manipulative, power-hungry, gaslighting bully. Realistically portrayed as damaged and bitter, he has a tragic backstory that feels real, and a sense of pain and loss that feels earned in this universe. Questions the nature of everything the movies are about, and is a genuine threat in more ways than one. Plus he literally leaves them all to die in the furnace!

Syndrome (Jason Lee, The Incredibles, 2004): Buddy Pine’s backstory is one of belittlement and rejection, so his switch to villainy is as well explored as many a comic book bad guy. But he’s interesting partly in what his character says about Mr. Incredible – in a way justifying the criticisms of superheroes, as Mr. I does ignore the admittedly-annoying Buddy rather than mentoring or respecting him – but also because he prefigures notions of toxic masculinity about a decade or so before they became, well, a threat to global democracy.

Al (Wayne Knight, Toy Story 2, 1999): Like how Lots-o can be seen as a dark examination of toy life (all toys are replaceable, kids don’t really love you, etc), Al also shows us another dark facet of toy-dom: namely the life of a “collectable”. Toys, in this world, want to be played with, preferably by children, so a big ol’ man-child who stores them in boxes or puts them on display is not ideal. It’s an inversion of what a toy is for; an object of joy reduced to a commodity. Is it entertainment versus art? Who can say? Also, he’s really just a massive jerk and a huge slob, so we feel no pity for him once he gets his comeuppance at the end of the film.

Sid Phillips (Erik von Detten, Toy Story, 1995): man, they nailed the Toy Story villains, didn’t they? Maybe there’s even more to come! But right out of the gate, Sid was a classic. An utter sadist in a skull t-shirt, torturing toys for kicks; adults can see the traits of a genuine sociopath (some serial killers start by torturing animals, remember!), and he’s portrayed like a character in a horror movie. Seriously, in 1995, Sid’s room was legitimately disturbing. I’m not sure what moral lessons his actions teach us, but just as a pure article of terror, he’s supreme.

Hopper (Kevin Spacey, A Bug’s Life, 1998): it feels a bit weird, if I’m honest, to celebrate a Spacey performance. But as a character, Hopper is excellent, one of the best things about the generally-overlooked-but-still-a-bit-lesser-Pixar Bug’s Life. Riffing on biker gangs, Hopper’s locust swarm in, revving their wings. Hopper’s a classic tough guy thug, dominating through violence and threat; a creature with a small amount of power determined to hold onto it, and ultimately eaten by a terrifying bird. Just don’t look at the cast list.

Ernesto de la Cruz (Benjamin Bratt, Coco, 2017): after the horror of Sid and the thuggery of Hopper, de la Cruz is a different, more insidious villain. He’s a thief and a betrayer who exploited and murdered his best friend, condemning him not just to death but to a forgotten obsolescence in the afterlife. He’s a perfect example of the gaslighting, friendly-seeming bad guy, more in the mould of Lots-o, but with the world on his side and a sweet guitar. Genuinely hissable.

Stinky Pete (Kelsey Grammar, Toy Story 2, 1999): what, more Toy Story? Well, yeah. Don’t blame me, blame Pixar. And so Stinky Pete; a far more relatable and understandable villain, one driven to desperation through a lifetime of rejection and broken promises. Unlike the Machiavellian, power-hungry Lots-o, Pete just wants everyone to retire quietly together; he can’t accept the risks of freedom and only becomes sneaky and, indeed, violent after all else fails. But he does kinda get a happy ending, even if he doesn’t realise it; this is a villain who I feel could eventually be redeemed.

Randall Boggs (Steve Buscemi, Monsters, Inc., 2001): Waternoose is the real baddy in Monsters, Inc., of course; a conniving capitalist who’s prepared to sacrifice the world’s children to keep his monopoly. But it’s Randy who sticks in the mind; his selfish, vain lackey, a monster with a huge chip on his shoulder. His design – lizard-like, snake-ish, with a huge mouth and invisibility – is seriously disturbing. Hearing Buscemi’s voice come from that form – an aggravated teacher, a furious accountant – adds something special, something darkly hilarious.

Evelyn Deavor (Catherine Keener, Incredibles 2, 2018): visually and conceptually, The Screenslaver (great name) is pretty cool, but when it’s revealed that the Big Bad is really under-appreciated tech genius Evelyn, that’s a great twist. A smart woman propping up her schmoozing brother, her criticisms of the heroes – like Buddy Pine’s – have resonance, although she’s learning the wrong lessons from tragedy. Her relationship with Elastigirl, from friendship to enmity, is very well-written and performed, and her belligerence at the end is a nice touch, denying the heroes of any catharsis from her capture.

Shelby Forthright (Fred Willard, WALL-E, 2008): I was originally going to feature the autopilot, but then I figured, if you can get Fred Willard in your list… and really, who’s the big villain here? It’s us, right? We killed the Earth. But Willard’s smiling, happy CEO is there, encouraging his customers to buy, promising them safety and security, promising them a repaired world… but really he’s shovelling them off the planet, secretly commanding the computer to take humanity far away and never look back. It’s a devious, horrible plan, giving the people unending luxury, making them want for nothing, turning them into fab, soporific blobs, basically because that’s easier than the alternative. It’s a horrible indictment of humanity (also: he’s the CEO of a company, but also – it looks like – that makes him rule the world? Creepy). So, yeah, the autopilot might be a baddun, but it’s the man in charge who’s the real villain of the piece, even hundreds of years later.

Sadly no room for John Lasseter, who may not have tried to enslave humanity or torture children, but still managed to be a huge jerk and a phenomenal disappointment.

[mst3kproject]

The Flame Barrier

I’ve got an awful lot of movies from 1958 on my resume, don’t I?  Why is that? Honestly, I couldn’t tell you. Apparently it was just a bumper year for cheap, crappy black-and-white films.  This one stars Kathleen Crowley from The Rebel Set and Rodd Redwing from The Mole People, in a movie written by George Worthing Yates, who also penned Earth vs the Spider.  Also featuring a blob from outer space, with motives even less clear than the one in The Space Children.

Over yet another stock-footage rocket launch, one of those deep-voiced 50’s narrators informs us that there’s a layer of Earth’s atmosphere called the Flame Barrier which destroys everything it touches. This particular rocket was no exception, and its crash-landing in the Mexican jungle may be related to the disappearance of explorer Howard Dalman, whose wife Carol has now come looking for him. She seeks out a pair of prospectors, Dave and Matt Hollister, to guide her to his last known location.  As they go deeper into the bush, they find they’re wandering into something unknown… something that can make men burst into flames!

This movie isn’t terrible.  It’s not great, but it’s not irredeemably awful.  It reminds me a lot of The Giant Gila Monster, in that there’s a story going on and it’s not a bad story per se, but it’s one that’s got nothing whatsoever to do with the title and premise that drew us to the film in the first place.  When the supposed main plot pops up again at the end, it makes for a sudden and jarring shift.

The Flame Barrier starts off all right.  We have the inevitable narrator to give us the backstory, and then it gets right on with meeting the characters.  They’re introduced one by one, telling us their personalities and goals: Carol is naïve and spoiled but she’s trying her best, Matt is a drunk fool but he’s got a good heart, and Dave is a gruff, cynical realist who loves his brother but is tired of his bullshit.  None of them are exactly nice people but you can see where they’re coming from, and they each get an arc.  Carol struggles with whether she really loved Howard, whom she barely knew, and the movie allows her to toughen up and learn how to survive in the wilderness. Dave spends much of the movie being a jerk to Carol but eventually realizes he judged her too harshly and apologizes.  Matt gets a chance to be a hero and takes it, believing that he owes it to Dave for never giving up on him.  The writing is frequently unsubtle but the actors are competent, and these little stories work just fine.

The movie that surrounds them, however, is often very sloppy.  The narrator tells us that the space probe from the opening crashed because ‘it unexpectedly lost its gravitational force’.  What?  What is that supposed to even mean?  The narrator also tells us it’s been six months since Howard disappeared, then mere minutes later Carol says it’s been four. There’s a bit where Carol is menaced by an iguana… the creature is never actually in the shot with her, so they couldn’t find anything scarier?  The stock wildlife footage on their trek through the soundstage sets of Central America includes hyenas.  I can hear Crow saying, “boy, are we in Afri… wait a minute…”  And, pet peeve, they describe a snake as poisonous instead of venomous.

This being a jungle movie, obviously there are ‘natives’.  I think most of these are actual Mexicans, although Wikipedia says Rodd Redwing may have been from India (if so, I like to think his entire career in Westerns was based on just walking into casting directors’ offices and announcing he was ‘an Indian’, and letting them draw their own conclusions).  Being as this is a movie from the fifties, the natives are there largely to provide a body count – white people aren’t allowed to die until the climax.  To its credit, The Flame Barrier mostly (though not entirely) avoids the trope where the natives have interpreted the mysterious happenings as supernatural, leading the white characters to scoff at the whole thing.  There is some of this, but Dave clearly knows these people well and respects their culture and their warnings.

Then there’s the love story.  Obviously this is a movie, so Carol’s gotta fall for one or other of these idiots, but neither of the Hollister brothers is a good choice. Matt is sweet to her but he’s also a useless drunk who only has a job because his brother puts up with him.  Dave spends eighty percent of the movie being an asshole and I have no idea what Carol sees in him.  At least the two men never fight over her.  I guess the love affair is important to the plot, because it spurs the party on to finish their search for the missing Howard Dalman despite the odds being stacked against them… but that basically boils down to Carol and Dave needing to be sure she’s a widow before they can bone.

After all this messing around in the jungle, with the run time half over we get to the plot, and the movie changes gears with an almost audible ka-chunk.  Now we’ve got this space blob sitting in a cave (how did it get in there when it’s still attached to the rocket?) doubling in size every two hours, which must be destroyed before it can consume the entire earth!  Suddenly we have a laboratory, because all the scientific equipment Howard brought with him is still in perfect condition despite having been sitting in the jungle for either four or six months.  Suddenly Dave the rugged survivalist is a scientist and mathematician.  It’s like they took the same actors and sets and started trying to make a totally different movie.

Honestly, I think this is more or less what happened. I think the multiplying space blob was the movie somebody originally wanted to make – it starts out as a tiny thing in a test tube, growing bigger and bigger until it consumes the whole building and will destroy the entire city if it isn’t stopped!  That sounds like a pretty fun 50’s sci-fi movie in itself. It also, however, sounds like an expensive 50’s sci-fi movie, needing miniatures destroyed and screaming extras and other stuff The Flame Barrier just didn’t have the money for. Hence the need to spend so much time wandering around in the jungle swapping tragic backstories before the characters are allowed to get to that point.

The unfortunate thing about this is that the movie doesn’t really have time to get into the nature of its alien.  In Spacemaster X-7, the Blood Rust was offscreen much of the time but we still had a good idea of what it was and of its capabilities, and the explanations we were given made a reasonable amount of sense.  In The Flame Barrier, we’ve got this blob that apparently lives in the rarified and super-hot outer atmosphere (the writers seem to have confused Earth’s atmosphere with the Sun’s corona), but can also survive on the ground… and its effects are all over the place. Sometimes when things get too close to it, they’re just electrocuted and disintegrated, as happens to the rocket’s original passenger, a very young chimpanzee.  Sometimes people get horribly burned and then burst into flames and are reduced to skeletons hours or days later, as keeps happening to the natives. And then there’s Howard, who somehow managed to get close enough to be swallowed up by the thing and his corpse is still completely intact inside it.

None of this makes any sense.  If the blob has that protective electrocution barrier that the humans must be so careful to avoid, how did Howard get close enough to be trapped in it?  How did the chimp get out to end up wandering around in the jungle?  What the heck is happening to the natives who get burned and then skeletonized and why doesn’t that ever happen to the chimp or any of the main characters?  And how do they manage to kill by electrocution a creature that uses lethal amounts of electricity without any harm to itself?  ‘It’s an alien – we don’t understand it’ can cover a multitude of sins in movie writing, but the blob’s random effects don’t even feel like they could potentially make sense.

The Flame Barrier reminds me of other MST3K movies, too. Prominent among them are It Conquered the World and The Crawling Hand, both of which ended on the same unintentionally depressing note: they suggest that the dangers of going into space are so great that humans will never be able to overcome them.  It Conquered the World tells us that there are eight more Venusians just waiting for their own turn to invade.  The Crawling Hand says that exposure to outer space causes mutations that will turn astronauts into mindless murderers.  The Flame Barrier posits that not only is space itself deadly, but is also full of deadly creatures, and the only way to avoid them is to stay on the ground.

This has always interested me because movies like this stand alongside things like the tales of Rocky Jones, Space Ranger!, in which humans have an exciting future among the stars. Stories set in space can be about either the exhilaration of discovery or the terror of the unknown, and this dichotomy seems to be as old as science fiction – Mary Shelley’s Frankenstein is considered the first work of proper sci-fi, and it encompasses both.  Frankenstein tells us that if we let our fear over-rule our curiosity, we’ll miss out on something potentially wonderful.  Movies like The Flame Barrier, and even modern space monster flicks like Alien, seem to say the opposite, that we shouldn’t meddle with the unknown at all.

This movie was kind of a compromise on my part.  I’ve had a lot on my plate lately and I picked The Flame Barrier as a movie that was kinda stupid but wouldn’t be either a test of my endurance or particularly challenging to write about.  I’m hoping to have something a little juicier for you next time.

[confusednarcissistwrites]

Hotsy Totsy Pt. 3 (T.C.)

ahhh the last bit of prewritten work!! thank GOD. reworking my own writing from a few years ago was killing me slowly (who tf let me write). next update will be all fresh 😎 hope you enjoyyyyy. things heating up quickly!

(sexual references)

“Man, this is… crazy,” Nick said, shaking his head. He held his tongue for a moment, his brow furrowed. He knew Timothée was already grasping desperately for something that appeared to be just out of his reach, so he needed to phrase his words carefully. “Look, Tim… she’s a married woman-”

“You think I don’t know that?” he retorted, a wild, grief-stricken look in his eyes. He fell into the doorframe, pinching the bridge of his nose. He knew he shouldn’t be frustrated with his friend; it wasn’t his fault that he didn’t know the full story.

Nick looked at him expectantly, sitting down on the edge of his bed; he sensed this was going to be a late night.

“We met at an audition for A Midsummer Night’s Dream at the college.” Timothée stared at his hands and fidgeted a bit. “She was auditioning for Hermia and I for Lysander, as fate would have it. The connection was instant. Every moment after only confirmed what I’d known the moment I’d met her.” A sad smile graced his lips, melancholic memories of hushed conversations had backstage and through rehearsals. You glowed with life and vigor and enthusiasm; he was snared from day one. “Things quickly grew serious, and I planned to ask her to marry me. But then the draft order came.” His eyes were dark and his hands trembled a bit as he remembered the atrocities of war and the nightmares that still plagued him. He carried on, telling Nick about the day he saw your marriage announcement in the paper and how he, to this day, still believed he was in your heart, that if he could become affluent like her family he would be able to steal you away again. By the time he’d finished his sorry, he had slid to the floor, his back slumped against the door jam. “Before I left, she had promised me she was going to wait for me to return. We’d had our life together planned and names picked out for our future children; I had no reason not to believe her. A couple months at camp turned into two years, and I never heard a word from her. I think I knew then, but I refused to believe it. I kept her on my mind until it became a habit, a coping mechanism, still writing to her every moment I could.”

Nick listened intently to every word, learning every piece of his best friend’s life that had somehow been going on behind the scenes that he hadn’t caught on to; it sickened him a bit. How had he not seen the pain Timothée had been suffering this whole time?

Despite the tragic backstory, he wasn’t sure he could go along with his plan. Married is married. He’d been raised in a home with strong religious values and, though times were changing, he felt he shouldn’t act as an accessory to the two lovers finding their way back to each other.

Seeing his apprehension, Timothée spoke up again. “She doesn’t love him,” he stated earnestly. “She did what she had to so she could get the life she wanted, but she doesn’t love him.”

“How can you be sure?” Nick pressed.

Timothée paused, his eyes closing as if in prayer. “I just… know. I can feel it in my bones.”

Nick looked down at the floor, mulling it over in his mind for a few moments. He couldn’t find it in him to tell him no. “Okay. I’ll do it.”

***

Jordan sat on the vanity as you got dressed for the evening. You wore a rosy-pink, silk shift dress that came down to about mid-thigh with fringe along the hem. Your garters were nearly completely exposed, holding up your black fishnet stockings. You sat down in the chair in front of her, slipping on you Mary Janes and fiddling with the buckles.

“You’re being awfully quiet,” she noticed, pulling the cigarette from between her lips and exhaling swirls of smoke as she spoke.

“Just thinkin’” you replied with a shrug, getting up to pick out some jewelry from the many ornate boxes perched on a shelf inside the armoire. Truth was you’d been off ever since your conversation with Nick the night before.

“That’s dangerous,” Jordan chuckled, slipping off of the desk and striding over to peer over your shoulder. She was in a much more revealing outfit for her performance that evening; a gold, glittering, bedazzled leotard with triangle cutouts right at her waist, thigh high stockings, and a black velvet choker resting against her throat that completed her ensemble.

“You figure he’s gonna be here tonight?”

You huffed, wanting to ignore her as you tried to pick out a set of pearls. “I dunno.”

Jordan rolled her eyes. “What's going on in that pretty head of yours, doll? And don’t say it’s nothing because you know I’m gonna keep buggin’ until you give it up, so you might as well just start,” she chided.

“I just-” you began, clearly flustered. “I’m going through some personal things, okay?”

Jordan went a bit wide-eyed at your snappy reply. “Fine, fine,” she submitted.

You looked at yourself in the mirror as you adjusted the layered pearls that laid against your chest. Would he be there tonight? Noticeable circles were under your eyes, and you looked less than yourself. You patted on a bit more powder, adding some body glitter here and there.

“I’m sorry, J,” you sighed, shaking your head a bit. You turned to see her as she headed toward the door. “I’m just a little tense is all tonight. I’ll be fine soon.”

“I know you will, doll,” she smiled reassuringly, slipping out of your dressing room.

As she stepped out, the door to the manager's office at the end of the long, narrow hall cracked open. Lola, a new fan dancer from Chicago, came slinking out looking blatantly disheveled, red lips smeared and mascara lines down her cheeks. Jordan’s brow drew together as she tried to get a better look. She stepped behind a stage prop, her back to it and her neck craned to watch as the girl scurried away. Before the door closed completely, Jordan caught a glimpse of James sitting on his desk shirtless and his trousers hanging loose.

She quickly stood, ready to storm in there and demand an explanation, but that’s when she saw you standing in front of your dressing room looking shell-shocked. Your entire body was tense and your face white as a sheet. She hurried over to you, pulling you back into the dressing room and closing the door to avoid making a big scene. She had no idea what to say, her mouth open as she grasped for words.

“Son of a bitch,” you muttered, your eyes wide and quickly welling up with tears. The fear coiled in your stomach tightened around your guts, your subconscious hissing cruel “I told you so”s. You shook your head almost violently, expelling them. Short gasps left your parted lips as your chest refused to let your lungs expand.

“Y/N, you need to breathe, love. Come on, in and out,” Jordan quaked, gripping your hands tightly in her own.

You watched her with your eyes that burned from unshed tears, shakily following her breathing she modeled for you. Your chest heaved, and your mind fought hard to clear itself from all the horrible conclusions the other part of you wanted to jump to.

Eventually, she managed to calm you down, but your hands continued to tremble. Jordan looked over you worriedly, feeling like she didn’t know what to do for the first time in awhile.

“I’m- I’m sure there’s a reasonable explanation,” you shuddered, pulling away to clean yourself up in the mirror.

Jordan sat looking a bit dumbfounded. “What?” she asked, unsure she’d heard you correctly.

“I’m sure it wasn’t what it looked like.” Even you could hear the slightly hysterical edge to your voice.

“Y/N-“

“No,” you interrupted in a clipped tone. “This will never leave this room.”

While a woman confronting her husband wasn’t something that happened then, Jordan had never had any of it. She also never had believed you to be a woman to be pushed around, and normally you weren’t. Your lifestyle wasn’t one of a typical domestic wife, and, being an educated woman, you’d taken your fair share of guff from conservative men. Yet, you’d never been one for confrontation, especially in your current emotional state.

Jordan shook her head in disbelief. “Y/N, he has no excuse for-”

“If you are my friend,” you choked, “you will pretend nothing happened.” Your voice was broken, but unyielding.

Her face softened slightly, and she stepped back, her hand on the doorknob as she shook her head. “You are upset and don’t know what you’re saying. I’ll see you after the show,” she replied, leaving and closing the door gently behind her.

Nausea washed over you and you bolted for the bin, the contents of your stomach evacuating unceremoniously. Your whole body heaved as you were sick repeatedly, the brief glimpse of your disarranged husband playing over and over in your mind. Denial was a hell of a drug, but your body was beginning to reject it. A quick knock at your door informed you that you were expected on stage in ten. You quickly began to clean yourself up, knowing that once you left that room, you were Daisy: the beautiful, the talented, the flawless. Hotsy Totsy would never know you as anything different if you had any say.

***

“I need a drink,” Nick grunted, hoisting himself from the desk chair he’d been sitting for the past hour, writing intensively.

Timothée hung his coat up on the hook and dropped his briefcase carelessly, just glad to be home. “I’ll pull something down,” he replied, heading over to the liquor cabinet.

“No, no, Tim. Don’t be a bluenose. I want to go out. I could go put in word with Cousin...” He raised his brows, knowing how to convince Timothée into doing what he wanted tonight.

He turned to him disdainfully. “Nick, I’m pretty tired. I don’t think I can handle that all tonight..”

“We are going. Go get dressed,” he insisted, grabbing Timothée by the shoulders and turning him to go upstairs to change.

He huffed but complied anyways. Subconsciously, he was eager to see you again, no matter how many nerves and feelings it stirred up inside of him. He changed into more casual wear: slacks, a white button up cuffed up to his elbows, and his favorite suspenders.He peered into the mirror, mussing his hair a bit before hurrying downstairs.

Nick was in similar attire, but with a striped shirt and a bowtie. “You ready, man?” he asked, slapping a newsboy cap on his head.

“Yeah, yeah, let’s go before I change my mind,” he chuckled.

***

The high-end club was busy and bustling as always that Friday night. Cigarette smoke plumes hung heavy in the hot air, and every person had the Devil’s brew gripped tightly in their fists. A swing group played on the stage while a small group danced the Charleston below them. Timothée couldn’t help but smile as they came in: it really was soothing to his soul to be in such a carefree setting filled with so much life.

As the band’s song came to a close, an announcer came bouncing out and up to the mic. “Ladies and gents, please put your hands together for the lovely and exotic Ladies of Godiva!”

A flock of feathers came shuffling out onto the stage, three pairs of feminine legs peeking from below the large fans. The band began to play a soft and slow ballad beat. One by one, the women began to reveal themselves from behind their ivory plumes, but only in teasing glimpses that fell in time with the music. Eventually, three, jaw-dropping, dark haired women stood on the stage. Their fans were discarded to the floor to reveal bejewelled, scanty bodysuits and long, stocking-covered legs. They all huddled around the microphone and hummed sweet harmonies along with the saxophones and trumpets. Both Timothée and Nick, and every other man in the joint, were held captive. However, it was Nick who was truly in awe. In fact, he was particularly enamored as he took in the sight of the daring girl he’d met a few days before looking absolutely sinful on stage.

Timothée caught him gaping and planted his elbow between his ribs with a smirk. “Put your tongue back in your mouth, dude,” he snickered, leading him over to the bar.

Meanwhile, you stood backstage listening to Jordan and her girls, feeling guilty for snapping at her earlier. James brushed by you, catching your hand and giving you a wink on his way by, on his way to do god knows what with god knows who. He didn’t even notice when your hand quickly pulled out of his as though it were a hot flame. You wanted everything to be okay, but it was still too fresh in your brain. Before you knew it, Jordan was brushing past you with the other girls, giving you a soft smile. You smiled back, feeling a bit of relief that she wasn’t too upset with you for your outburst.

“Next up, our Lady of the Night: Miss Daisy!”

You quickly slipped into your role, a pout on your lips as you strutted on stage. The feeling of hungry eyes didn’t even phase you anymore. However, your heartbeat quickened slightly as you imagined one certain pair of eyes. You pushed that to the back of your mind and focused on the feelings bubbling in your chest. A thought came to you suddenly, and you turned on your heel to bend down to whisper into the drummer’s ear. He then, in turn, murmured down to the rest of the band while you returned to the mic. “Good evening, how is everyone doing so far? Everyone have a drink?” Your voice was low and sexy, the crowd curled into the palm of your hand as they cheered and whistled for you. “Well, I have a little something special I think you all are gonna like tonight alright?” You looked to the drummer, and he gave you a nod of confirmation that you returned.

Timothée leaned against a wall in a more secluded part of the club, eating up the swagger that poured off of you. His imaginings of what you’d become after all those years had far from given you justice. You were not at all shy; you never had been, but seeing you right where you had told him you wanted to be made him bubble with contagious pride. His eyes widened when you growled out the first note over the nearly silent club. Once everyone recognized the tune, cheers and hollars joined your voice, many girls hopping up and pulling their dates over to dance. All he could see was you.

“You ain’t nothin’ but a hound dog snoopin’ round the door..” Your body rocked to the percussive beat, your face scrunched up in emotion. “You told me you was high class, but I can see through that..”

You dug up the rage bubbling in you and growled it into the microphone, feeding off of the audience’s shouts and howls. Your hips snapped to the beat as you danced and sang your heart out.

Timothée watched you with a nearly predatory gaze. Hunger bubbled up in him; he was greedy and desperately wanted to pull you away from all the lustful men in the audience to be his and his alone. He wanted to feel you up against him again like the many escapades you two had had in college.

Your last note rang out over the crowd of cheers and catcalls, your chest heaving from not only the exertion of your performance, but also the emotions rushing around your mind. You stayed in character despite it all, but found your eyes searching the audience.

Suddenly, there he was, his eyes already on yours.

Timothée was deafened by his heartbeat in his ears as his eyes met yours. Somehow, he managed a small smile.

You quickly came to, realizing you were staring on stage. Your eyes flitted away, but you were clearly distracted as you waved and slipped off stage. You easily let Jordan pull you out and down the stairs and into the alley outside to get a little break. Everything felt like a blur.

Nick, who had been mingling around the club, watched as you two bolted outside; he knew this was his opportunity. He looked around for Timothée but couldn’t seem to spot him. He figured he was probably drinking somewhere and headed the direction you had left, weaving between the dancing bodies. He was met with a big man in a bowler hat blocking his path.

“And where exactly do you think you’re going punk?” he questioned, his thick New York accent making him almost unintelligible.

“My name is Nick Carraway. I’m a cousin of Y/N’s, Miss Daisy,” he explained, trying not to cringe at the brute’s horrid smell.

After a moment of contemplation, he stepped aside. “You best keep your hands off the ladies or I’ll bash your little head in, ya hear me?”

Nick nodded quickly, hurrying past him and out into the alley. Girls in skimpy feathers, jewels, velvet, and silk stood about in little groups, gossiping and sucking on cigarettes or cocktails. It was a lot of the young bachelor to have to take in, but eventually he spotted you. Girls shot him dirty looks and muttered things from “whatcha you lookin’ for? your ma?” and “who is this little peeping Tom!’ to “Hey, sugar. Wanna ride?” and many other crude things that made him blush hotly.

“Cousin Nicky? What are you doing back here?” you said, spotting the tall boy weaving through all the girls and looking incredibly uncomfortable. You heard Jordan laugh softly behind you, clearly amused by how flustered he was.

“Y/N! You were fantastic as always!” he smiled, giving you a small side hug. “You and Jordan were both uh, stunning! Yes, you were stunning.” He flushed, shaking his head as he stumbled over his words helplessly.

Both you and Jordan just laughed and thanked him. However, you could tell there was more to what he had to say.

“Anyways, Y/N. I wanted to ask you something, um, privately,” he stammered.

You gave Jordan a little look and she politely excused herself, brushing by Nick and making him blush again.

“Go ahead,” you ushered, curious as to what was so important.

“Well, I was hoping you’d join me for tea and luncheon tomorrow,” he said.

You tilted your head, eyes narrowing a bit. Did he know? “And you needed to ask me this in confidentiality because..?”

“Oh well, I um, have a… male house guest currently. I wouldn’t want to start any sort of rumours or anything.” It was a lame cover up and you both knew it.

“Will this ‘house guest’ be joining us?” you asked, trying not to be too conspicuous.

“Well, I suppose you’ll have to just wait and see,” he replied, scratching the back of his neck.

“Alright, Nicky. What time?”

[strangeandforlornbooks]

best books with morally ambiguous narrators!

all y’all’s problematic faves and villains! :) also included are third person narrators but in books with morally ambiguous leads/themes 

Sci-fi

Scythe by Neal Shusterman: in a future free from pain, disease, and war, people can live forever. ‘scythes’ are given the power to decide who lives and who dies to preserve the balance. sad and kinda gives of hunger games vibes, if you like that.

Neuromancer by William Gibson: basically invented the cyberpunk genre. strange and removed protagonists. (a team of computer hackers have to face off against an evil AI). you kind of dislike everyone and suddenly you’re crying over them. one of those trippy sci-fi classics.

The Sirens of Titan by Kurt Vonnegut: very beautiful and very very sad (same author as slaughterhouse five). the richest man in america has to face a martian invasion. more about free will and bad people doing good things than a plot that makes any kind of sense.

The Man in the High Castle by Philip K Dick: set in an alternate universe where the germans and japanese won world war two. not really like the tv show at all- it’s not an action story, and there’s not really the hope to somehow fix the world that drives a lot of dystopia stories. instead its about how people survive and connect to one another in a hopeless society.

The Scorpion Rules by Erin Bow: a supercomputer convinces the leaders of the world to keep the peace for hundreds of years by taking their children hostage and obliterating any city that disobeys. what happens to the hostage protagonists when war seems inevitable? lots of morally fraught decisions and characters slowly losing their identity. (plus a fun lesbian romance)

Cryptonomicon by Neal Stephenson: a brilliant mathematician and a dedicated marine fight to keep the ultra secret in world war two. fifty years later,  a tech company discovers what remains of their story. one of the most memorable sequences in the book is a japanese soldier slowly becoming disillusioned with his nation and horrified by the war even as he continues to fight.

Blade Runner by Philip K. Dick: another one of those sci-fi classics that’s not at all like the movie. there is a bounty hunter for robots, though, as well as a weird religion that probably is referencing catholicism and a decaying society with a shortage of pets. kind of a trip.

Wilder Girls by Rory Power: girls trapped in a boarding school on an isolated island must face a creeping rot that affects the animals and plants on the island as well as their own bodies. the protagonists will do anything to survive and keep each other safe. very tense (and bonus lesbian romance whoo)

The Fifth Season by N K Jemisin: three women are gifted with the ability to control the earth’s energy in a world where those who can do so are forced into hiding or slavery. some veryyyy dark choices here but lots of strong female characters.

Historical Fiction

Fingersmith by Sarah Waters: two victorian lesbians fall in love as they plot to betray each other in horrific ways. lots of plot twists, plucky thieves, gothic settings, and a great romance.

Quo Vadis by Henryk Sienkiwicz: a powerful roman soldier in the time of Nero plots to kidnap a young woman after he falls in love with her, only to learn more about the mysterious christian religion she follows. very melodramatic but some terrific prose. 

All the Light We Cannot See by Anthony Doerr: a blind girl in France and a brilliant German boy recruited by the military struggle through the chaos of the second world war. ends with a bang (iykyk.) very sad, reads like poetry.

Boxers by Gene Luen Yang: graphic novel reveals the story of a young boy fighting in the boxer rebellion in early twentieth century china. the sequel, saints, is also excellent. beautifully and sympathetically shows the protagonist’s descent into evil- the reader really understands each step along the way.

Fantasy

Three Dark Crowns by Kendare Blake: three triplets separated at birth, each with their own magical powers, have to fight to the death to gain the throne. lots of fun honestly

Six of Crows and Crooked Kingdom by Leigh Bardugo: everyone in these books is highly problematic but you love them all anyway. a ragtag game of criminals plan a heist on a magical fortress. some terrific tragic back stories, repressed feelings, and revenge schemes.

The Dark Tower series by Stephen King: idk how to describe these frankly but if you can put up with King’s appalling writing of female characters they’re pretty interesting. fantasy epic about saving the world/universe, sort of. cowboys and prophecies and overlapping dimensions and drug addicts galore.

The Amulet of Samarkand by Jonathan Stroud: lots of fun! a twelve year old decides to summon a demon for his cute lil revenge scheme. sarcastic demon narrator. lighthearted until s*** gets real suddenly.

Elegy and Swansong by Vale Aida: fantasy epic with machiavellian lesbians and enemies to lovers to enemies to ??? to lovers. charming and exciting and lovely characters.

The False Prince by Jennifer Nielsen: an orphan boy must compete with a few others for the chance to impersonate a dead prince. really dark but very tense and exciting and good twists.

The Grace of Kings by Ken Liu: fantasy epic. heroes overthrow an evil empire and then struggle as the revolution dissolves into warring factions. interesting world building and three dimensional characters, even if they only have a small part.

Circe by Madeline Miller: the story behind the witch who turns men into pigs in the odyssey. madeline miller really said, i just used my classics degree to write a beautiful gay love story and now im going to write a powerful feminist retelling because i can. queen. an amazing and satisfying book that kills me a lil bit because of the two lines referencing the song of achilles.

Heartless by Marissa Meyer: the tragic backstory for the queen of hearts in alice in wonderland. a little predictable but very fun with a compelling protagonist

A Song of Ice and Fire (Game of Thrones) by George RR Martin: ok I know we all hate GRRM and rightfully so but admittedly these books do have some great characters and great scenes. they deserve better than GRRM though. also he will probably never finish the books anyway....

A Series of Unfortunate Events by Lemony Snicket: not really fantasy but not really anything else either. plucky, intelligent, and kind children fight off evil plots for thirteen books until suddenly you realize the world is not nearly as black and white as you thought. 

Classics

Rebecca by Daphne du Maurier: gothic romance!! a new wife is curious about the mysterious death of her predecessor in a creepy old house in the British countryside...good twists and lovely prose.

A Separate Peace by John Knowles: not really morally ambiguous but one awful decision suddenly has awful consequences and certain people are haunted by guilt forever.... really really really beautiful and really really really sad. boys in a boarding school grow up together under the shadow of world war two.

Anna Karenina by Leo Tolstoy: while imperial russia slowly decays a beautiful young woman begins a destructive affair. a long book. very russian. the ending is incredibly tense and well written.

Lord of the Flies by William Golding: I think you know the plot to this one. the prose is better than you remember and the last scene is always exciting.

And Then There Were None by Agatha Christie: one by one, the guests on an island are slowly picked off. one of Christie’s darkest mysteries- no happy ending here! very tense and great twists.

Contemporary

The Secret History by Donna Tartt: inspired the whole dark academia aesthetic. college students get a little too into ancient greece and it does not end very well. lovely prose but I found the characters unlikable.

Honorable Mentions

The Dublin Saga by Edward Rutherford: has literally a billion protagonists, but some of them are morally ambiguous ig? follows a few families stories’ from the 400s ad to irish independence in the 20s. beautifully captures the weight and movement of irish history.

Artemis Fowl by Eoin Colfer: how morally ambiguous can you be if you’re, like, eleven? a lot if you’re a criminal genius who wants to kidnap a fairy for your evil-ish plan apparently!

Redemption by Leon Uris: literally my favorite novel ever. the sequel to Trinity but can stand alone. various irish families struggle through the horrors of world war one. the hero isn’t really morally ambiguous, but the main theme of the novel is extremely bad people suddenly questioning their choices and eventually redeeming themselves. sweeping themes of love, screwed up families, redemption, and patriotism.

The Lymond Chronicles and House of Niccolo by Dorothy Dunnett: heroes redeem themselves/try to get rich/try to save their country in early renaissance Europe. if I actually knew what happened in these books I'm sure it would be morally ambiguous but its too confusing for me. in each book you spend at least a third convinced the protagonist is evil, though. lots of exciting sword fights, tragic romances, plot twists, and kicking english butt.

Bonus: Protagonist is less morally ambiguous and more very screwed up and sad all the time

The Goldfinch by Donna Tartt: you know this one bc its quoted in all those quote compilations. basically the story of how one horrible event traumatizes a young man and how he develops a connection to a painting. really really really good.

Never Let Me Go by Kazuo Ishiguro: hard to describe but strange... not an action novel or a dystopia really but sort of along those lines. very hopeless.