#love me a stressed teenager
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libraries were literally created for lonely little girls who would then go on to become lonely fully grown women btw
#i'll just be studying at the library and then i'm suddenly transfixed by the way humanity rolls off the books in waves#the library was there for me when i was a cripplingly shy teenage girl#now it's there for me as a chronically stressed pre-med/stem student#and it will probably be there for me when i'm 56 divorcing my third husband#we love libraries#text
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having a very rough night so raph doodles needed to be made
when in need, mash two interests together
#i love him so muhc ghghgh#and uh please stop sending me asks straight up demanding me to draw more /nm#if u've sent me an ask just regarding art before pls dont feel anxious this is about people actually DEMANDING like im some sort of machine#im absent due to my work/mental health situation going up and down#tmnt will ofc always be special interest but right now its in the back row#theres little time for anything but work and meetings and thinking about work and.. well.. monster hunter escapism egsfkhjhh..#but yeah i promise im still here#and i want to draw him when i can#but stress is high right now and drawing takes too much wrist stamina to do often now#i hope u understand#sorry if i worded myself badly im very tired and stresed n its ... oh its 5am great. wellp. goodnight skafklgsjdklfnshh#my art#rise of the tmnt#rottmnt#nordidia art#rise of the teenage mutant ninja turtles#rottmnt raph#id in alt text#also one would think my art style is easy on my wrist but#i gorilla grip my pen and when i learned to write as a child i held the pencil jank#and it stuck like that#so its really rough on my hands#sadly
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weight of a dead world
#hahaha hey cass. have always wanted 2 dedicate a drawing 2 your comic before it ends or i would have never forgiven myself#this was originally supposed 2 look very different hence the stress word loosely cos i just love fish symbolism .. perhpas the dinosaurs#will get their chance next time#LOL anyway tq 4 everything that you do#i've always loved casey & you managed 2 breathe so much life into an already weighty character#there's something about children who are born in post apocalyptic environments that get the best of me#rise of the teenage mutant ninja turtles#rottmnt fanart#cass apocalyptic series#a body as a war wound as a poisoned animal#rottmnt#tmnt#myart
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Hey. Sorry about the inactivity, but pretty sure no one cared that much anyways lol. Been a looooong time since I kept that distant from Tumblr…at least now I know I’m able to survive without checking posts every day/being chronically online! I’ve got an intense love-hate relationship with this lifestyle I’ve dug myself into. Think I’m getting a little bit better with the balance even if school isn’t really giving me an option. Got a load of work I need to keep catching up on if I don’t want to disappoint my professors. We’ll survive somehow. Here take a quick batch of Puzzle doodles k bye
#the hell am I so anxious about? maybe it’s just overstimulation stuff#hoping it’ll die down because I can’t keep enjoying myself when I’m like this#seriously is starting to mess with my flight responses over the tiniest things#like yea obviously I needed to stay logged out of Tumblr so I would focus more on schoolwork#but uhhhh gonna be transparent and say a huge part of it is the jolts of anxiety :(#like even the thought of logging back here has caused me to feel like sweating#my brain kept saying ‘no I don’t want to I can’t do that’ even when I felt bad for missing out on others posts#like I want to be here so I can support my mutuals dammit!!!#I’m a mess. I’m such a broken mess oh great lovely spectacular#maybe the culminating stress of final exam deadlines is worsening stuff as well#I can’t tell you why I’m like this I just am 🙃#anyways thinking I’ll start adapting to the distance. Sorry but being a shut-in is more appealing right now#I just need time to be with myself and not be so invested in the lives of others#anyways what’s something mildly positive I can wrap this up with so I don’t seem pathetic….#ah yes the final Puzzle sketch here was drawn today before a class period#one of my fellow classmates noticed and audibly asked me ‘is that Mr. Puzzles?’#IT TOOK EVERTHING IN MY WILLPOWER TO NOT LET OUT A GIDDY SHRIEK#Felt like my eyes bulged and I jolted in enthusiasm jskjsksp spontaneous happiness?? actally experiencing the feeling of fitting in??#anyways I responded with a very normal ‘WAIT YOU KNOW ABOUT HIM???’ while trying to suppress grinning or going ‘teehee’#anyways now it’s my personal mission to keep initiating conversations with her because AUUUUUGH SHE KNOWS WHO HE IS I’M LOSING IT#proceeded to talk about Murder Drones & TADC like holy SHIT I didn’t think I would ever find animation peeps in my psychology class auuu 😭💜#it’s a MIRACLE man this may be a sign that college won’t be isolating anymore yaaaaayyy#PUZZLE IS SINGLE HANDILY HELPING ME TALK TO PEOPLE BOTH ONLINE AND IRL THIS IS WILD#all hail the best comfort character seriously holy shit—like imagine she never noticed me drawing Puzzles!! I’D STILL BE LONELY AS HELL#okay sorry I’ll stop typing like a teenager and go back to pretending to be well-versed in speech & conducting myself ‘normally’ :3#doodles#sketches#hplonesome art#not tagging with Puzzles because hahaaaaa don’t look at me
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hot take, mike and el arent in love, because they are fourteen
well i guess mike is fifteen but still like as someone who has been fourteen/fifteen
GUESS WHO I WAS NOT DATING:
A. THE LOVE OF MY LIFE
B. MY FUTURE SIGNIFICANT OTHER
C. ANYONE WHO I WOULD BE ABLE TO SAY "I LOVE YOU" TO AND ACTUALLY FUCKING MEAN IT
D. ALL OF THE ABOVE (the answer is D by the way)
LIKE Y'ALL THEY ARE FOURTEEN
THEY MET WHEN THEY WERE TWELVE
"I knew right then and there in that moment that I loved you" MY ASS
#byler#mike wheeler#like i truly need to stress this so much this is NOT mileven hate like this is putting any like feature or fact about their dynamic aside#they are children#and yes i know there are people who meet their partners when they're young kids childhood friends to lovers is a trope for a reason#but no one NO ONE (or at least statistically very few people cuz i know my ass was not)#is making for real love declarations at Fourteen (or Fifteen humor me)#and “oh rey then how can you ship lumax-” LUMAX HASNT SAID I LOVE YOU YET#LUMAX IS THE MOST ACCURATE DEPICTION OF AN EARLY TEENAGE ROMANCE IN THE ENTIRE GODDAMNED SHOW BECAUSE THOSE MOTHERFUCKERS ARE SO AWKWARD#AND ITS ADORABLE#AND THATS IT#THEY HAVENT EVEN KISSED SINCE SEASON 2#YOU WANNA KNOW WHY??#BECAUSE THAT'S REALISTIC#BECAUSE THEY ARE KIDS AND KISSING IS GROSS#listen im not saying this with the intention that ohh kids are immature they dont know what true feelings are blah blah blah#kids have feelings no shit#but esPECIALLY when it comes to mileven it seems so goddamned performative#like it FEELS like they both just watched a bunch of romance movies and are now mimicking whatever they've seen the adults in those movies#(who are supposedly in love) do#like watch lucas's talk with max in the back of the like trailer thing where he tells her he wants her to stop pushing him away watch that#and then tell me mike's aMaZinG AnD drAmaTiC LOvE cONfESioN doesnt sound formulaic as fuck#like you wanna know how a teenager makes a love confession#they say smth emotionally vulnerable; want to die after saying the emotionally vulnerable thing; and then tell a shitty joke to salvage it#not “I don't know how to live without you. I feel like my life started that day we found you in the woods” no fucking teenager says that#and that is why lumax is as mr mclaughlin said himself: “real love”#damn i kinda cooked with the tags on this one#(also fun fact i learned that tumblr has a tag limit by making this post which is why half of the tags are at the 140 character limit)
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I took my sweet time playing through @diasporatheblog these past few months and finally brought myself to finish it yesterday (so sad it's over sobs)
#diaspora game#diaspora#cog#if#interactive fiction#sangarinus#sangarinus nabor#tintabrancaart#tintabrancaocs#tintabrancaocfalgaraile#if you saw me post this twice u didnt. tumblr loves to hate me sigh sigh#anyway !!#this game waow#ancient rome is a huge fixation for me so castulia was a treat to explore and visualise#esp bc the game doesnt take place in the capital (rather in a port city which. yesssss)#okok so my fool falgaraile (falga to their friends).. they/it legend#they're a bit more on the serious side wrt personality#partly bc of the stress of their responsibilities but also bc they're fairly straightforward in their manner#it's exhausted by the wars and conflicts around clan maghnus which def contribute to the stress#refreshed and looking forward to the possibility of peace. looks at balthasar#falga's eye got eviscerated in a raid when it was a teenager so now they have a prettified prosthetic in its place#some scars on their legs too but yea#it turns out you cant big brain your way out of every fight !! and it learned the hard way lmao#but yeye gosh i used a mixture of diaspora's worldbuilding and celtiberian material culture as refs for their design#because that is where my heart lies :'D#oh and sang !! i didnt go too hard on his design because it's a little more set in stone already#i love him he's such a lil (big) guy.. my buddy my pal. mwah#i have a very strong mental image of his face so i had to give it a few tries to really nail down#im glad w how it came out !!#ahh okok i need to rest but yes i love diaspora i love the setting and characters :'D i will be replaying it while i still can
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anyone else shit their guts out when they get nervous or am i insane
#more mouse bites#how do i even tag this#blog#girlblogger#girlblogging#end me pls#end me#end me now#looking for mutuals#looking for moots#i love my moots#wish me luck#tumblr ily#greek tumblr#stress#haiii :3#im in pain#hell is a teenage girl#house md#hate crimes md#i hate it here#mootdom#greece#girlhood#og tumblr#sillyposting#shitpost#shitposting(literally)#words cannot describe#epic battle
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I need to sleep for 70 hours and then maybe I'll feel not evil again
#Robin processes emotions on main#mghmfph#THE BRAIN GUCK#holy spirit fix me. holy spirit. holy spirit save me#the stupid brain guck man..... I need to move out I need to sleep more I need to. need to be braver#I need to write this new story idea I need to. bury myself in zombie au#my brain's coming up with new ocs and even as I'm doing it I'm going wow these are the ocs of a stressed-out teenager#I'm not a teenager but living with my parents again is making me feel like one I NEED TO MOVE OUT#ANYWAY#everything will be fine I'm just venting#I'm just particularly frustrated with myself today and talking myself through it. I hate feeling selfish. ugh.#I wish I had money for therapy :[#I want to do therapy again. but it's just me my comfort media and the holy spirit against the world right now#also in addition to feeling selfish I'm feeling super isolated#I HAVE NO COMMUNITY no irl community anyway#and living with my parents... makes it. genuinely super hard to try to make community. ugh. again: wish I could move out and get therapy#figure out what I'm DOING figure out people to do it WITH#yeuch that was a lot of gross emotions and thoughts sorry#love you. have a glass of water or something. that's what I'm going to do now#oh also I'm stressed out Today bc parents are having friends over and I don't feel up to it. but I like them. but I just want to sleep#SIGH#okay I'm done for real now
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goooood afternoon skysword nation
#i just spent waaaay too much money on prints. heh. yeah 😏#little gift for myself bc i hate uni so much [< dangerous thinking path]#honestly just glad im getting cool skysword prints. FINALLYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY#and an oot one. YAYAYAYYAYAYYAYAYAYAY#aaaand peace and love and joy forever#i also fulfilled my teenage dream of owning slime. it will be mine tomorrow and imm literally so excited abt it i cant think abt it too muc#uhmmm what else#OH i feel a bit less stressed abt uni but. still a lot to do u know how it is#sorry rambling so much but u know me. the yapping yapper#hope u guys are good!!! it is SO the afternoon but if i dont sleep soon i might explode#okay love u guys bye for now mwah#txt
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Don't be shy tell us more headcanons!!!! I'm eating this up.
has my blog finally found a main purpose? i post my headcanons here? hell yeah
Miscellaneous rival cast headcanons | XY
a lot of my headcanons are based on a mix of fanon, manga, anime, pokemon masters, and main game elements put into a blender
calem and serena are 18! not as much a headcanon and more implied canon, they can’t be older than 19 because they are clearly still teenagers but they can’t be younger than 18 because emma (who is canonically 16) makes remarks about them being old. 16 and 17 are too close for that to be the case, so they are at least 18!
shauna is 17, as well as tierno.
trevor is 15 being the youngest, though the smartest and most reliable member of the group.
calem and serena are both trans (calem FTM, serena MTF) serena transitioned before moving to vaniville and helped calem transition with the help from her experience in fashion when he came out.
serena is the protagonist, while calem is the rival as that’s how it’s set in masters.
serena is childhood friends with shauna, and trevor. while calem is childhood friends with serena and tierno, the friend group formed over several years of naturally growing together before they all set off on a journey together
shauna is the type of girl who is a little crush crazy, always hopping from one guy to the next to fawn over. she pretty much instantly fell head over heels for calem when they met (based on her dialogue during the firework show) however, her crushing for calem ends up back firing because of how often calem and serena are near each other; growing into another crush on serena at the same time. hijinks ensue.
grace considers calem to be like one of her own, he’s always welcome in their home no matter what. she occasionally refers to him as her son in law.
serena and calem have insane romantic tension they are utterly oblivious to but everyone is painfully aware of, including shauna who is stewing in very complicated jealousy.
tierno is calem’s closest friend other than serena, anything he can’t bring up to serena for one reason or another gets told to tierno.
tierno is really good at reading people, he pays attention by second nature and despite coming off as rather unserious he has a way of calming people.
tierno had a crush on serena at some point after meeting and has asked her out on three occasions, all being declined. he’s a good sport about it and isn’t afraid to play it for laughs
trevor is very sick and tired of his friends reckless shenanigans, tierno and calem especially.
trevor is the team mom here, he didn’t agree to it but he is.
shauna is a little slow on the uptick, but a big gossip. which means everyone else is a gossip by proxy.
going off of Y’s habit in the manga of being too shameless for her own good with getting dressed in semi public places, serena has the same habit. you get used to it after a while.
despite seemingly having her head in the clouds, shauna will bitch you out if prompted.
serena’s mom, grace, is a single mom. serena is the product of a fling during grace’s younger years as a rhyhorn racer, which is why she’s so overbearing about serena’s future, she wants her to have a good life to overcompensate for that fact.
trevor lives with his grandparents in santalune, his parents work overseas.
tierno lives with his parents in aquacorde town, as does shauna
please consider with me for a moment, serena/shauna/calem. do they have a ship name i think the chao they’d make is beautiful-
#{outdated more in other places and less in others}#young love hijinks to be expected as they are in the prime developmental phase to be awkward about romance#i’m violently dyslexic bare with me#teenagers being stupid and stressed also to be expected#media puts so much emphasis on needing to find love young can you blame them#EVEN MORE SO IN KALOS WHICH IS BASED IN FRANCE#pokémon xy#trainer shauna#trainer trevor#trainer tierno#trainer calem#trainer serena#headcanons#kalosshipping#brighttomorrowshipping#boutiqueshipping#trans headcanon
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Just now realizing that 'Inevitable' is the apotheosis straight up toying with Emma, bragging that it won. The chorus stating "it's inevitable" and the song literally starting with "Emma I'm sorry, you lost."
#and yes i know im an idiot for not realizing it sooner#i never really payed attention to inevitable#i usually skip it#and yes i know its more than “the apotheosis” its one of the lords in black#but i didnt watch Nightmare Time so i dont know any of their names aside from Wiggly#tgwdlm#the guy who didn't like musicals#paul matthews#also i want to take this space in the tags to geek about things i love from the trilogy#for one all the names coming from tgwdlm#like nightmare time and nerdy prudes but also characters like grace chastity (and also pete appearing in all 3 as a stressed out teenager)#i also realized yesterday that bill is in all 3. hes the mayor from npmd and i think the shop owner in black friday or someone else#i genuinely forgot who i nailed down as bill#npmd#but the realization that he was the mayor shocked me. going from “i just want my daughter back” to “youre killing me!” “if only stephanie”#emma perkins#bill woodward#ted spankoffski#WAIT WHAT#TED IS A SPANKOFFSKI???#DO THEY SAY HIS LAST NAME DID I JUST FORGET THIS#charlotte sweetly#professor hidgens#starkid#hatchetfield#hatchetverse#hatchetfield trilogy#team starkid#starkid musicals#also sidenote i LOVE let it out. best climactic confrontation of the trilogy imho and just generally one of my favorite ever
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🧍♂️🧍♂️🧍♂️
#this is so incredibly stupid#but i've just spent such a long time worrying about my physical health and everything going on with that#(and there's still so much weirdness and uncertainty and scariness going on with my physical health)#but it just somehow never occured to me that i'm also depressed.#like. i had BAD depression as a teenager but i've been mostly mentally okay in the last 5 years. my issues have mostly been physical.#and then these last few months since all this scary health stuff started happening i've been so lethergic and unmotivated#and have been isolating myself from my friends#and struggling to find fun in any of the things that i love#i've been sad and stressed and empty but somehow. SOMEHOW. i did not consider that i was suffering from some Mental Unwellness dfkjfdjkdjkf#i just thought i was being pathetic#🫠🫠🫠#it sounds so stupid but now i realise i actually feel a bit better?#like oh. OH! depression! i hate you but i know what you are!#i'm not just a bad friend and an embarrassingly pathetic creature. there's a reason!!!!!#and there are ways to deal with it!!!#cool!!!#but also like it makes sense?! i'm incredibly sick and in a lot of pain and spending so much time getting tests and worrying#of course that's going to affect my mental health lol.#okay. anyway. yeah#tbd
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I cared. I still do. I still think of you and I still cry over you. You were importat to me. You still are.
#I was interested. I wanted to get to know you.#I did not want validation. I only said it because you said it... I don't know why. I was susceptible.#I was blindly accepting certain things that you said about me. Judgement that you had for me.#I was under severe stress from my job at the time; while at the same time dealing with unresolved emotional trauma and very low self worth.#vent#I was burnt out. Crushed... Completely.#I didn't want attention. I did not want you to cure my depression. I though I was just letting you know me. I wasn't aware I was oversharin#I tried... SO HARD to get over the things that triggered me and hurt me but I just couldn't...#I wanted to. I did everything in my might; I took it to therapy; I looked everywhere within me; to either get over it#or completely forget about you and stop caring at all; so things were ok and normal again; but it didn't go away...#I just feel so... unsafe... at the idea of talking again#I know I wasn't the best listener and I profoundly regret that.#I was not only thinking about myself like you said and I was aware of the effort that other's put; but I was afraid/resistant to PRECISELY#that cause of past events with other people. Because in some I was the one putting that effort and ended badly for me. Looking back#that was inappropiate of you because you felt too comfortable generalizing my past relationships and why in your head they failed.#“I cant help but feel you are looking down on people who” Stay away from me if you ever make a stretch like this again.#By “experiment” I meant that you don't know how a relatioship with somebody is gonna turn out until you go and try. That's all I meant.#I didn't want things to turn out this way. I'm sorry they did.#The effort I put for you may have been shit to you. But to me it was a lot. And I'm done taking judgement.#Altho I love my friends I still keep distance. I still can't completely help that. I can go months not talking to my BF.#You were my BF during my teenage years. I remembered you fondly. I still do.#I don't feel ready to talk again having to keep to myself interest that I might have. Related to trauma. I do not feel comfortable with tha#No I do not look at your blogs.#The day I said I was abused I had a panic attack right after that. That's mainly why I had to cut contact: I didn't want another one.#I didn't tell you because I didn't trust you to not say “talk to the void” again. I didn't trust you to want to hear about it. I didnt feel#safe with you anymore. Event tho we ressumed contact I felt that way the entire time.#I wanted to answer all the questions you had; I really did; until I couldn't stand it anymore.#And the day I removed you from discord... I know you probably had an awful day that day... I'm so; so sorry...#I'd like to one day be completely unbothered by assumptions and stuff cuz I know it's not your fault... You went through stuff too...#stuff
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Shaking the part of my brain that doesn't want to "deviate too far from canon bf characterization" think about the freedom. Think about shaking that thang around like a chew toy. Think about the Touys
#also its an au its a Fan Iteration its tmnt fandom energy. do whatever you want forever <- me at myself#anyway hi the angst idea levels are catastrophic /silly <- im having fun with itHDKAJDKS#I JUST FELT THE APPREHENSION PICK UP AND I WAS LIKE devil talking. we're not doing that againBDMQJSQKSJ#everyone loves my silly bf interp who is on the surface so so chill#but the second hes under any stress whatsoever you can immediately tell oh this dude had some BaggageBDKAJSKS#AND THEYRE ALL LIKE THAT#ALL THE FUNKYCULE. CHILL TEENAGERS ONE SECOND UNBELIEVABLY MENTALLY ILL THE NEXT /affectionate#💛
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keep thinking about the night of the concert, where some teenager who was talking to me, asked this random guy with a knife on a necklace, "Is that a knife?" and he pulled out the knife very dramatically and they just went "idk what I expected". whatever energy was at the concert is gonna stick with me forever I think
#this teenager was 17 and their friend was 18#i think they were flirting with me? until they learned I was 23 and walked away awkwardly lmao or at least my wife thinks they were#like that was a very awkward conversation and my wife was right there#the main one talked a lot about how they love talking and having one sided convos with people and that that might be narcissistic of them#they talked about being chronically online and getting into arugments#and how they met their friend (the other one) at a psych ward#that was very weird and then i realized these are the current ages of ppl ill be going to school with next year#i already feel too old lmao#i dont see how people mistake me for a teen I am 5'10 and my face is already aged from stress#but also i get it i dress very alt so maybe they think I have to not be a functioning person with a job#im not functioning but i do have a job techincally#azael ranting
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the future is really freaking me out i don’t know how i’m supposed to be in college in a year that’s so freaking scary. but! thinking about the concept of riding the bus or other form of public transportation. 👍 i can’t drive nor have i made any effort to learn how to and i am turning 18 in. 4 months and 10 days. so. y’know. i gotta love walking and buses and the like. and i do i think (i can listen to my music :). )
#remy rambles#there’s actually a bus stop near my house that goes to the city i should try to take that bus sometime to see if i can Survive basic tasks#the fact that my peers have cars and jobs and future prospects is insane to me#i had 1 job for six months and then i got so so stressed out i had to quit#not cause of the job really because of school..but i can’t quit school!#man..i don’t like growing up. but at the same time i’m desperate to do it. like. i can’t keep being a teenager for much longer i am#at my limit with that. but i just need like. a several months long training on how to be An Actual Human Being before they just#put me out in to the Real World#they can’t just do that!#who is they. what am i saying.#i just want to go to art school and hang out but i don’t want to move away and i don’t want to stay here and i don’t want to pay for school#and i don’t want to get a job and i don’t want to meet new people and i do want to meet new people but i don’t want to leave the few people#i’ve managed to find.#every time i try to bring this up with my parents i almost start crying and they tell me we’ll talk about it Later but we’re#running out of later! i would appreciate some help!#ANYWAY i love thumbs up emoji 👍👍 thumbs up
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