#OH i feel a bit less stressed abt uni but. still a lot to do u know how it is

[linkvcr]

goooood afternoon skysword nation

[hotchs-big-hands]

Bit of a rant ahead:

I'm in my first year of uni and taking online classes for my first sem (uni in different country)

I just got done with a 3 hour lecture and it's almost 5 am rn, I had to wake up at like 1.45 to get ready for the zoom call. I still have to complete my notes and sleep is nowhere in sight and I'm not relaxed and jus stressed with the amount of work I have to do for this week and i can already feel the migraine setting in and i just want to cry

And now, I'm just thinking of Aaron just being here and like, holding me close and helping relax and calm down enough to sleep so that i can get rid of the stupid fudging migraine I get everything time i sleep less than eight hours and just letting me cry and it's just making me want to cry more

Oh babes I understand you :( I'm so sorry you're really stressed out. Are you able to chat to a tutor abt it??

Aaron literally will do whatever you need him to to get through this. Cuddling king, making sure you get lots of drinks and snacks and will give you a gentle head massage as well. Offers to help you too even if it's a subject he doesn't rly know much about. He'll do some research to understand!

[mcrtiniblues-blog]

hey guys ! i’m kat and atm, i’m either splurging at sephora or on my way home so i can’t be on for this first wave of activity. i kinda whipped everything up between endless exhaustion from my daily routine and people constantly looming over my shoulder at work and at home, so don’t mind my theme and everything, i’m still trying to figure out what i like and that means taking a while to set up my pages sklsd plus i wasn’t expecting us to open so soon, so i’m unprepared af, BUT ! we’ll make do with this intro for now.. didn’t have enough time to finish amla’s before i got off work. now, all of that being said, this is a monster of a post, so get settled as i introduce sovana’s resident skating brat halle, a bitch who overworks and doesn’t know how to chill long-term !! stats page is HERE for your reading pleasure, plots and what not will be up later on !

( jeon somin, cisfemale, she/her. ) hey that’s hyunmi “halle” chae over by the fountain! i wonder if they took a coin out. i heard the twenty-four year old’s been in sovana for three months and they’re known to be pretty darwinian but also charismatic. a song that describes their life would be challenge by lolo zouaï and blades gliding along the surface of ice, classical music on a rainy day, & silk bedsheets always reminds me of them.  

honestly she is.. fucked sgjfsgdkl

this is mostly a carbon copy of an intro i’ve made for her in the past, so while some random points seem a Little dated or repetitive, they’re valid enough to stay here sfdlgkdg

i’ve had inspo for her ever since last year’s olympics and really wanted to use her Somewhere and Successfully, so if some things here seem a little.. idk, farfetched for your taste, we’ll pin it on that sfdgkdfj

this is her as popular vines

so chae hyunmi aka halle, ulsan born, raised in seoul and relocated to toronto, canada with her parents, little sis and partner — aka sho — to train bc..

she’s a figure skater, good enough to win ( .. junior ig ) titles when she was in her early teens, so it was only inevitable for her to leave for toronto to train with the Best eventually

she’s competed in international competitions, as part of a pair, and made her olympic debut in sochi by the skin of her teeth; hers and sho’s highest placement was third place ( not at sochi pls sgjkld they prob ranked in the top ten at best ), so she’s got a medal or two to her name

ultimately it was after sochi that she saw her coach and ( ex ) partner intervene with her.. unhealthy practicing habits

she’s a perfectionist through and through, so of course she’d spend hours on the ice at just seventeen/eighteen years old, even younger tbh, to get a routine right. but she pushed herself harder and harder, where small missteps would lead her to fall hard and recover for days on end, even spraining her ankle just before competition season was to begin

so when her coach insisted she take a break, her parents following suit, it was with good reason — one that she didn’t fucking see fsdkgkl

even so, them pushing her to prioritize education for a bit, to get ahead of the skaters who would prob only be able to do so upon retirement in a good few years’ time, and hanging up her skates until she saw it as.. less than something she needed to abuse herself to feel comfortable with, for as long as they would do so led to her resolve shattering and her applying for universities both in canada and sk ( the sly brat reasoned that it’d be nice to be reconnect with her roots.. for the sake of having something going for her beyond just competing in pyeongchang ! )

which is how, miraculously, she got accepted into uni in seoul ( still figuring out which, rip ). her grades were good, she had a super brief volunteering stint and she’s a rising star ( well, was.. the bitch wouldn’t be competing again anytime soon to keep herself where she was within the skating circuit ) in her favoured sport, she deemed it inevitable sfkljfdgk

the transition wasn’t too hard ofc; she got comfortable with the campus and seoul and was back on the ice in no time, joining the uni’s skating team under her parents’ noses and making the most of it as comeback/olympics prep

she saw herself as poised to be added to the roster once again, now a singles prospect after a major falling out with her longtime partner for one too many dumb bitch moves, and was desperate for it since it’s in pyeongchang, however the stars didn’t align when she just missed obtaining qualification on sk’s roster on a technicality, and nothing could’ve compared to the agony that was missing her chance in something she invested sm practice, time and compliance with the people around her to pull through and get to pyeongchang

she’s still distraught over it, it’s been a few months since that happened and she gets emo real quick, misty-eyed if you bring it up ( she uh, has issues with moving on from things if you can’t tell )

suffice to say she resents her coach for his minor contribution in fucking her and himself over, dropped him out of anger ( a move she.. does feels bad abt on a personal level but professionally ?? pft ) and linked up with one back in toronto who she began seeing when she was “ prepared ” to give it a shot again.. so right after graduating

wrapped up a season dedicated solely to training ( meaning she’s currently on hiatus from the sport, but she knows a good few people think her career is Over now — and it pisses her the Fuck off ) before her sister convinced her to have a proper break that wasn’t Just to appease someone else

.. even though it was to appease her sister. but she let it slide bc the kid’s the Only person who can do no wrong in halle’s eyes and she might as well keep her from stressing

literally the only instance she’ll ever, in her lifetime, Cave to someone SDFLKGSDFKL

so she picked sovana as her retreat at complete random and has been here since april

it’s a little weird to think of her Not being in her usual spots so this is as much of a ride for y’all as it is for me, the bitch doesn’t have many hobbies after all SDFKLSDF

studied history despite wanting to be a skating coach when she retires as a competitor, bc she rly loves history ok ??

personality and other shit

she is.. a mess rly

inflexible, independent, charismatic, etc

most of her actual personality is further down oops dsfgjklfg

kinda detached ?? like she doesn’t want too many distractions and she deems relationships as the fucking Worst for it.. she’s had some pals from skating with potential go downhill when they got too deep with certain partners or just with too many side hobbies, social obligations, so she’s trying to be level-headed while not destroying her social life ?

idk it’s hard to explain, she’s an enigma even to me in that area

only dated once. when she was like nine. with some other chick’s skating partner that she quickly ditched.

not.. super sexually active either ( rip ?? )

but she’s been Involved with people so fdskng

on the ice, or just in whatever she’s applying herself to, she’s domineering and blunt, v strict on herself though she’s slacked off a bit over the years.. so imagine how self-disciplined — in the worst of ways — she was when she was younger

with a rigorous work ethic like hers, her being a leader among those at the local skating club back in toronto implies that she’d be strict too with what little power she has.. but she’s kinda chill overall ?? tho you still have to get your twizzles right before the end of the day, don’t care that the hockey players will be out in two ! let’s go !

uh.. her attitude carries over with a Lot of things. she especially has no time for people who are Committed to their sport/career but show poor performances bc of laziness, distractions, etc. so brace your kids for hurricane hyunmi ??

call her ice queen. try it. try it. GKFDJKGDSF she hates that nickname 95% of the time, usually bc she assumes people are basing it off of her initial/professional demeanour first and her passion second

she really just has a hard shell where it matters, aka her career and stuff, but is a semi-precious gem overall

or, for a better way to describe it though it sounds like i’m just repeating myself: she gives off Proper head bitch vibes ( subtract the Need to feel powerful in being a piece of shit to anyone who walks past you while being surprisingly thin-skinned ) but she’s really just a blunt and serious brat with a super dry and at times menacing sense of humour

so don’t think i’m taking the piss out of anything on purpose or that she acts out of malice.. i had a better way of phrasing this but completely blanked, sorry SDFKLJDKL

kind of dramatic and a meme ngl, curses quite a bit, whips out korean or her conversational-level french far too often — especially if she’s shit-talking bc you made an ugly choice but is trying to be a Supportive Friend

english name came from halle berry bc hyunmi thought she was really pretty on all of the red carpets her mom would have on growing up sfgdkjflk

unwinds with the usual netflix and wine, but also dance — helps with her choreo for routines too so

oH also probably still hurts herself by overworking, especially after That Lost Opportunity, i hate

she’s pan but….. girls disappoint her far less than guys so she has a preference djfgskgdkf

all of that being said, it clearly plays into how she’s perceived by others, so —

[blodeuweddschild]

(This is just about the last 4 years, 14-18. So high school for Americans and GCSEs and Alevels for brits, idk enough abt apprenticeships to talk about them sorry)

For the American system, kids will have most subjects for about one semester and that’s it. The system goes for jack of all trades but fucks it up tremendously by not giving kids enough time to fully grasp the subject and develop enough knowledge for it to have been with their time

British systems also go for jack of all trades, but it’s excessive. 2 year long in depth course on 10 maybe more subjects. Most of these no one will ever bother with again as many kids won’t take their GCSE subjects at Alevel, so it’s 2 years of knowledge they will never need again. I know so much about radiation but I’m never going to use that knowledge again. Seriously I had to years of compulsory physics and I’m never going to use most of it. I now study maths, psychology and philosophy. The only time physics has been slightly useful is remembering one equation in maths that the teacher old us anyway

On to the way that kids receive their grades. American kids cannot catch a break. Sure everyone has to deal with homework, but your homework actually counts towards you final grade. What you do in class actually fucking matters

British kids don’t have the constant threat of “this is all going towards your final grade” but do have a constant looming feeling of impending doom and their GCSEs/Alevels get closer. For GCSEs you have to recall 2 years of knowledge for 10 or more subjects that you sit hours long exams for and if you mess them up it’s possible that you’ve fucked up everything. I had 36 hours worth of exams, 21 exams total, all in one month. Some of my friends are stuck having to try and try and try again at their GCSEs or they could get kicked out of 6th form. Oh you want to go to university? Well you didn’t get a B on this ridiculously hard maths test you did when you were 16 so we’re not gonna let you in. Then you have Alevels. A lot less subjects but it’s still hell. I’ve got 7 exams which will last for 18 hours coming up in a year. If I don’t get two As and a B I have a way smaller chance of getting into uni. British kids don’t have the constant pressure to be perfect, but they do have the stress of their whole life depending on a 2 hour long exam

American kids have their teachers grade their proper papers. The papers that will give their final recorded grades. This is wild to me. If your teacher doesn’t like you? Well who knows what going to happen to your grade

British kids have some rando marking their papers. Less bias from a teacher, sure, but I was told multiple times that if maybe the examiner was a bit pissy that day, my grades could plummet. And if I think it was marked wrong? I have to pay to have it remarked. I have to pay because some asshole was just a bit tired

Basically what I’m getting at is both systems are completely different, two different ends of the scale in all ways, but they are both fucked. They both damage kids so much. No system like either of these is good. They both need to be changed. They’re awful. One of the reasons so many more teens have depression or anxiety because of the pressure of school. It’s hell and it needs to be changed

Looking at the American and British school systems, they are both severely fucked up but for completely different reasons

[theangry-ace]

I care more about the girl in R18 drama cd; another short reviews

God I’ve gone through so many titles and it’s hard to find a series with a good balance of good story, good boys and good ecchi, but unfortunately most are not.

It's not that there's a lack of good ones though. there are quite a lot of them actually. but just that the MCs in most titles are just too... unnaturally passive ALL THE TIME! would it not sell if they made MC more strong-willed and actually would stand her ground and not let herself being pushed around and bullied? I want a title where the MC actually kick some ass. literally or metaphorically, I don't mind, just give me an ass kicking scene!!!! give me a girl who will not put up with the bullshit!

anyhow, here’s the third batch of my reviews. the first and second are here if you’re insterested. I spoil a lot so read with caution.

I found most of these from Airavalky.

Love tranquilizer story: 5/5 icha icha; 5/5 this is bias bc this was my first R18 drama cd. made me notice of sawa manaka. also where I realized finger sucking is my thing lol. I believe this series is still ongoing and has a one or two more other characters but these are all that I’ve gone through. the concept is 'tranquilizing' relationship. each one of them started as casual relationship with no commitment, but later progressed to be something much more. Takemiya Yuki = osanajimi character. he sounds like a insensitive jerk but he actually cared too much about the girl. his story is that he gained a lot of attention in high school due to his basketball and girl decided to keep a distance from him to avoid jealous fans. dude didn’t like it at all but he played along until he just kinda begged her to chose him over trying to pretend they don't have anything to do with one another. second season he had to move away bc of uni and their issue there is adapting with long distance relationship for the first time, and they're struggling to make it work. Houbai Kazuhide = a more matured character from work. he is the one with the finger sucking thing hehehe. they started very neutral relationship but after a drunken one night stand, they thought they'd be sexfriends to "relieve one another's stress". after a while dude gets an omiai and wanted to end the relationship, only later to realize his feelings for the girl is real. second volume for his story is quite realistic couple's problems I enjoyed it so fucking much 10/10 will go back to this just for the drama. Matsuzawa Tasuku (Sawa Manaka) = this was my actual first R18 drama cd so it left quite an impression on me haha. I thought I’d prefer 'manly' voice but actually I like this youthful/playful voice much better. guy is kinda an up and coming celebrity and the girl is his manager. I think at first they're just sexfriends but one time had sex with no condom and thought if girl got pregnant she would have to quit her job and he don't want that so he decided they should be a real couple instead... I think. he speaks too fast for me to understand completely. I’ll get back to this once my Japanese is a bit better.

Madoromi no alice story: 1/5 icha icha: 5/5 don't be fooled by the pretty cover art. not much story in this except a girl sex dream with many versions of her boyfriend, with alice in wonderland as theme. the tokutens are quite intense with the sex though. if you don't know sumeragi mikado, this would be a good place to start... or bad place to start if too much ecchi is not your thing. I’d suggest Kindan Jouji, the host volume instead.

Mikkare story: 4/5 icha icha: 4/5 quite good and sweet story, though the sex takes place in very inconvenient of all places. like, in the fucking elevator????? in a storeroom???? ...but I think I need more from this series. why is there no more of this series? pls tell me there's actually more from this series.

My butler story: 3/5 icha icha: uhhhhh / 5 review: it started out good but kinda made me cringe halfway, especially Cider's. it's kinda creepy like I know the MC is supposed to be a projection of you but the 'grooming'/teaching scene is too... pedophilic-ish to me I couldn't bring myself to listen to the end.

Otona no marchen story: 2/5 icha icha: 3/5 review: interesting concept of the fairy tale but not too complex; just taking the fairytale and put the sex in them. a bit too simple but good nonetheless. I like the peter pan one bc of the lol. the cinderella one is what you called a yandere? i feel so bad for the girl i wish there was another tokuten where she actually escaped from the prince or prince gets less of a possessive asshole.

Otona kareshi story; 4/5 icha icha; intense AF /5 review; sumeragi mikado doing yandere/controlling bf is very scary sometimes but he did it very convincingly. the White side is on the ~gentler~ side compared to the Black. sex scene has variety, uhh, acts? like there's paizuri and mentions of urinating and it's not something i found that in many titles  mentioning those yet so... that's something!

Otona tomodachi story; 4/5 (blue side only) icha icha; 4/5 (blue side only) review: this series has two ways how the guy would react, but both started out pretty much the same; they're sexfriends. Blue side, Chasuke's character will try to convince the girl not to go through the omiai and they would be a proper lovers instead. the Black side takes a darker turn I think (yandere route?) but since I don't want to ruin my image of chasuke, so I'm gonna put off from listening to them until my kokoro is ready. not anytime soon at least.

Relacion dulce story; 5/5 icha icha; 5/5 review; this is a very good series that focused on alcohol and icha icha that don't go problematic so this is stress free. vol.1 = this one has a ashikoki scene and the guy makes a very cute do-M chara. vol.2 = younger guy type. he just turned 20 (legal to drink) and they enjoyed a night drinking and sexing. vol.3 (yotsuya cider) = dude is a vet (I think) and when drunk he got loud and bitch about owls lol this one is unique since they talk about getting married and having babies. I don't think I've come across any that seriously talked about this yet so it left a big impression on me. (the only other series that talked abt the same thing is Karepilo's 10th volume (with Hirai tatsuya) where he said he want two kids and want to be the cool dad who can participate in school's sport event ugh that is the cutest god damn thing I ever heard fuck u hirai pls do more.)

Reversible story; 3 /5 icha icha: 5 / 5 review: the idea is its giving you two choices to how the ecchi scene goes; either the guy takes the lead or the girl. my fav is one with domon atsushi bc his oresama character is a real selfish asshole so having the side where his girl handcuffed him to the bed and decided to leave him is very amusing I clapped for the girl lol 10/10 would repeat many times over just to laugh at him hahaha. the iyashi(healing) bf side is very accurately titled.

Rouge et noir story; 5/5 icha icha: drugged and intense /5 review: story's really fucking good and suspenseful. icha icha is intense, understandably it was supposed to be induced by drug. I've only heard of two volumes (kawamura masato & sawa manaka as CV) but there’s also a third and fourth I think. basically girl is a rookie cop and she's one of them to take down a dangerous drug ring. why a rookie for this type of mission, though? I think the whole series focused on one girl but the stories they don't cross with one another. ugh I really really want to buy the whole seriessssss this is the exact amount of thrilling drama and icha icha that I wanttttt

Shinsoku ren'ai story: rape / 5 icha icha; rape / 5 review: rape. the kind where the sex will eventually ~magically~ made the girl fall in love with the rapist and somehow that's okay?? even for a porn??? case 1 (sawa manaka) = he started out fine but he grew increasingly possessive and jealous. he relocate girl's office to next to him, made her move in with him, all without the girl's say. he confined her in his home too. I think this is the least offensive of the three volumes since it ended with the dude stopped doing all that shit to her. well, kinda. case 2 - oh god this is too much rape I get nightmares. girl is the private tutor to the student guy. guy confessed one day but she refused. what comes next is traumatizing so only proceed if you know what to expect. case 3 (sumeragi mikado) - guy is the younger brother to the girl but he forced her to have sex with him, or he would go to her friends instead? I... I can't do this kind of shit. esp when girl eventually just accepts his 'love' in the end. why is this the theme for sexually abused victims??? can't just one of them gets their justice??? pleaseee

Shitsuji no prince-sama story: 3/5 icha icha: 4/5 review: I think it's pretty decent bc I really do like characters using keigo, but this is not very, uhh, satisfying? since they're kinda short. are they from a visual novel or something? not that they're not good; they’re great and I love the CVs here. the butlers will mention they have something to do with another career but my Japanese can't catch exactly why they had to be butlers as well. all I can get is that the girl had to stay in the mansion for two months for some reason.

Souai-sei no eshisu story; 3/5 icha icha: 3/5 review: look, I do not, for the life of me, will ever understand that someone would risk having their loved ones doubt, made them cry, argue or misunderstand that leads to a complete break of their cherished relationship, for the sake of keeping a secret of a fucking BIRTHDAY SURPRISE! JUST TELL THEM YOU ARE PLANNING A SURPRISE DON'T LEAVE THEM ALONE FEEDING THE DEMON WITH THEIR TRUST ON YOU! DO YOU WANT TO BREAK UP OVER A FUCKING BIRTHDAY SURPRISE?! anyway. this is sawa manaka though. not his best works IMO but this might just be me.

Suki ni natte wa ikenai kare story: 3/5 icha icha; 3/5 review; the theme is cheating. guy already has a gf and girl a bf. there's two ways their story would end, 'good ending' as in they break off with their then partners and date one another instead, or 'bad end' as in they sexed for the last time and swear to never see each other again. for this kind of theme I don't mind much, but not something I prefer. I may be aro but I know how much it hurts when ppl decided they would rather lie to you rather than come upfront and being honest.

[comet-cornbread622]

It’s morning I have been on the net since around 6 am 

Still a bit drunk, hollow stomach feeling, feel exhausted, stress about essay

Constant stress that I don’t have the capacity to understand all this dense and niche theory stuff and get all anxious and think I am really dumb

The soundtrack to this section of my life is Jeffrey Lewis, calming.

Found tumblr of person (well been following them 4 ages) found out they went to gs , which looking at theorists and things they write about n things is v obvious 

but they write a lot of personal stuff referencing these people and demonstrating a cool and thorough understanding of them which made me feel

INSPIred and jealous and dumb I guess

then got sucked into a vortex of looking through and through

Always feel like I am reading the wrong things 

There is so much to read !

Perhaps classic literature is the wrong path/ not very cool

Then thinking about gs discursive / critical art chats and how I have shit all to say always.

doodle of homoerotic alien

man

kook

ufo

I woke up at around 6am or a bit before. Strong taste of alcohol in my mouth, feeling like I may be sick, feeling the quilt I have over my duvet and visualising it but it feeling strange and estranged and like a memory or like something lost.

Then I realise it is a quilt

Kept thinking of the word “shoogally” (variation of scottish slang word “shoogle”) and imagining someone bigger rattling a rattle in my face. 

Felt too sea sick to sleep so I got out my laptop and started researching things

Hahahaha “research”

1. look up whether when looking through peoples profiles on facebook it is easy to accidentally like someones photo. This is because ended up spending evening with ML amongst my friends yesterday ! oh NO yes I had a crush when I was 14 and I still feel terrible when I am around her ! haha! I am almost 21

Anyway went home looked up her profile and realised we aren’t friends anymore! why ! ha ha ha ha then began agonising as to why ! Is it because I get tagged in too many memes? Could that be it? Does it seem like me and my girlfriend flaunt our relationship online by tagging each other in memes in a very pubescent adolescent display of affection in a way that is repulsive for anyone else? maybe , when scrolling through before I had liked lots of her pictures by accident and she was creeped out and deleted me

bla bla I loose interest in what I am writing I am drifting off thinking about wanting to read and be smart and feeling always out of my depth and like everyone is smarter than me (other than occasionally when I think I am really brilliant that happens sometimes I guess)

then what else thinking about reading more reading more writing in my diary what my artwork is

maybe I should display items in a wooden shallow box on the floor or ceramics which means I should get into ceramics! I am wasting my time at uni! I am trying 

Or I should also get out more and meet new people and stay up all night drinking beer with them or something like that.

Oh well !

2. after reading article abt facebook I start reading shitty cosmopolitan articles about sex which are all kind of hetero-normative lot of writing about penis and casual hook up / kind of written a bit annoyingly makes me think I could write 

3. start looking at MOMA / MET summer internships

stress about letter of recommendation required for latter and prospect of telling Marion about it in case she is really scathing of wide starry eye me

then think about visa

then feel stress then think I will prob be shit intern

then look at artist lists on moma website and start watching a doc about an artist and wonder whether anyone can be an artist and think about how I can’t name artists who display work at moma and what I really want to do is understand something really thoroughly and well but that will never happen and getting overwhelmed

in 1 vid brit guy with curl hair and stubble ! cool kook brit in usa see that is what I want to be

4. look at craigslist sex ads then job ads ? why?

why do I enjoy this?

Maybe it makes m feel less lowly or something

5. start lookin at this tumblr which is INSPIRing ! really inspires me to read a hell of a lot more! but it is intimidating ! 

always feel like I do not have social life and am not smart

I always feel forgoing the former must be to accommodate the latter but for me

I think I just stay at home and tab people’s face book profiles and look through them and feel empty,

eat a lot of snacks,

wank,

feel anxious?

read a book that isn’t useful

that kind of thing really !