#love bombing abuse

[oftenvlogs]

How do you know if you love someone?

How do you know if you love someone?

Love is a complex emotion that can be difficult to define. It often involves a deep connection between two people and can be experienced in many different ways. It can be a feeling of warmth, joy, and comfort, but it can also be a source of pain and sadness. Love is often considered a powerful emotion, and it can have a profound impact on our lives. It can make us feel alive, bring us joy and…

[animentality]

[frownatic]

For the people in the back who somehow don't get it:

YES CALYPSO IS AN ABUSER

It's more of an issue on tiktok, but for god sake man, just because she isn't a cartoon villain version of a rapist doesn't mean she isn't very clearly portrait as an abuser. Flowery language doesn't somehow undo harm your actions cause, get a grip. "Oh but she's so cute!" Yeah bc the looks of your rapist should be considered to judge their crime, listen to yourself you dumbass

[ilovemesomevincentprice]

Vincent Price and Peter Lorre

The Comedy of Terrors (1964) // dir. Jacques Tourneur

[wannabemasterofwindintraining]

I know how manipulation tactics work

(^doesn't know shit)

[starrslut]

don’t think you guys understand how much i love being love bombed and manipulated, like me obsessed with you

[ruminate88]

“I guess I miss the times he acted obsessed with me. He made me feel so beautiful and wanted but after we broke up; I felt ugly and so stupid for thinking he ever cared about me when clearly I was a joke to him.”

[selfhealingmoments]

[bpdscenequeen]

I'm not gullible and I don't fall for a lot of tricks,

so why does love bombing feel so

Impossible to recognise

[neuroticboyfriend]

okay. i finally found something on parents love bombing that is not ableist against cluster B's or encouraging parents to love bomb. it's in the form of a comment on this reddit post from 6 years ago. here's the comment, from u/Glaucus92:

Lovebombing is part of the cycle of abuse. The cycle you'll usually find is this one:

Calm -> Tension building -> Incident -> Reconcilliation -> Calm

Lovebombing is part of the "Reconcilliation" part. After an incident, a victim will usually try to confront, give consequences to, or withdraw form the abuser. In order to keep the victim close, to keep power over them, an abuser may lovebomb their victim. It is not linked to a specifc role in an abisive dynamic. It is a technique used by abuser as a reaction to 'losing' a victim.

The abuser will (attempt to) be the person you always wanted them to be. That can be the parent that listens to you when you talk about your interest. It can be that they tell you how proud they are of you, how they've always been proud, etc. It can be that they buy you gifts or give you money. This behaviour isn't exclusive to abusive parents either; think of how an abusive spouse might organize a wonderful date or get an expensive gift for their victims.

The goal of the lovebombing is to give you a little taste of what you usually never get from them, be it attention, financial aid, praise, compliments, whatever. By giving you that tiny bit, they are basically pretending that they can be this nice, loving parent. The underlying unspoken message of course being that things could be like this, if only you tried harder, or weren't like x, or were more like y. Because without the realization that they are abusive, it doesn't make sense for them to purposefully hurt you and then be really nice to you.

Lovebombing insipres false hope that if only you could be better, the abuser wouldn't be abusive. It also helps wiht the gaslighting; when they do all these nice things for you in that moment, you might think that you over-exagerated the previous abuse. It's usually only when you look back and realise that all these 'nice' things only happened when you were upset with them or withdrew from them.

Since you asked for examples:

A parent who is usually very disinterested in your life suddenly makes a lot of effort to discuss you hobbies with you.

A parent might start to give you a lot of compliments all of a sudden, or tell stories about how they've told others about how amazing you are.

Parents might give you gifts for no reason. Stating that they just wanted to be nice, or just thought of you when they saw it.

They might start calling or visiting a lot, especially when they previously didn't. Saying things about how much they miss you.

Trying to harken back to 'the good old days'. Sending you pictures of happy childhood memories or recounting old stories.

It might be straight up bribery. A conflict happens, and after the intial blow up you are given cash/money to buy something nice or becasue they ust want to help.

A parent might try to smooth things over by taking you to a place or on a trip you wanted to go to.

I know some of these might sound like perfectly normal things, and they would be coming from non-abusive people. It becomes an abusive tactic when it happens more often than not (or in greater intesity) after a conflict has occured. It also almost always happens in lieu of an actual apology. By lovebombing instead of apologizing, the abuser doesn't have to take responisbility for their action. The unspoken agreement that governs this is that by accepting the gift/loveboming, the victim doesn't hold the abuser accountable.

[scratchandplaster]

FEBUWHUMP DAY 6 - "You lied to me"

CW: parental Whumper, hypnosis, emotional manipulation, interrogation, conditioning

Previous | [Masterlist] | Next

・・・・・・・・・・・・・・・・・・・・

"There are still plenty of thoughts inside your head, so let's get them in order."

Shepard was intently focused on his son. Above now dried tear tracks, his unblinking attention denied Ben to be unguarded for even one second, whilst his assertive but nevertheless mellow tone carried him along a carved-out path.

Possessive strokes down his back dragged him further: "Down, just down, always deeper down. We can't choose our sorrows, but you can choose to let them go for a moment, to let me help forget them. Follow my lead."

In and out, it was impossible to resist the pace he was taught so well.

"I would count you down, but you know all my old tricks."

Shepard was not naive, he had to be extremely lucky that his charade still worked after all these months Reuben spent on his own, poisoning his mind and spirit out in the world. That he still responded obediently to the suggestions of the past was a goddamn miracle. One he would gladly use to its full potential.

"Remember all the times we did this before," Shepard repeated for good measure. So many, many times, half of which Ben couldn't even recall. Today was far from the first instance he helped to quiet his ward's nettled thoughts.

It was about time to rectify old lies.

"You always knew where Lukas was, though we both know you claimed otherwise," Shepard sighed low, "Will you tell me now?"

The soft face on his shoulder began to stir back to wakefulness, his bottom lip scrunched up in painful guilt. Rough start.

"Shh, forget that, it was a stupid question. You did nothing wrong." Comforting reassurance and soft circles drawn onto his temples helped to smooth out any risen qualm. "I know it's difficult for you to stay alert during this state, so I'm keeping this easy for us. Just Yes or No from now on, you don't even have to say a word."

Reuben showed himself more agreeable and leaned back against him.

"Is Lukas doing well?"

A small nod. Good.

"Is he eating enough? You know how he always skips breakfast."

Again, Ben nodded against the rough wool of Shepard's sweater while the same tediously tried to keep this interview on track: he could embrace his success later, when both of his sons were near him again. However, the abandoned father was ready to reap the fruits of his endeavor.

"Do you want to tell me where he is?"

Ben quickly shook his head. No, not yet.

"Mhh, I understand."

It felt horrible how easy it was to make him tell the truth, but Shepard had no interest nor intention to question his parenting methods at the moment. He knew exactly what limits confined them: he couldn't make Reuben do or forget anything he didn't want to, at least if he failed to be persuasive enough.

Shepard's boy was easy to read and just as simple as he was loyal to both his brother and father. But not in equal parts, Shepard was at a certain disadvantage he ought to correct. 

Children like them were too inept for the world outside the settlement, so it was no wonder Reuben merely crumpled under the first selfless act of affection in a long time. If his forgiveness was not given freely, Shepherd could just rip it from his fragile heart. For both their peace of mind, nothing else.

"You know how much I love you, both of you."

The shake of Ben's head said it all. It hadn't even been a question, but the blunt answer pricked nonetheless.

"Oh, well, I love you more than the world. I did everything to get you back!" Shepard mused softly, "If not me, what about the rest of our family?"

Kind memories of the people who waited for him outside rinsed Ben of any stray thoughts and drifted with him into the depths. He never wanted to hurt any of them with his decisions. 

"Did you miss us?"

Ben affirmed this shyly, grabbing a corner of Shepard's sweater.

"You are safe here, right?"

A nod.

"You are safe with me."

At the claim, Ben's head rolled around aimlessly, as if he was trying to stir awake again. Shepard tutted; this was a tricky one.

"You are here with me and the others, all together. We watch out for each other, we keep each other secure."

Yes, this made sense. Through the pleasant, thick fog that filled his head, Ben knew it to be sincere.

"Here, you are safe. With us, you are safe."

Safe...together. He couldn't possibly disagree with these smooth words.

"You are safe and loved by us all, we were awaiting your return. Always putting an extra plate on the dinner table for when you decide to come back." 

Shepard had to endure countless days of waiting before accepting that his youngest would stay gone. He had searched for him for so long it made him sick with fear, not knowing if his sons were hurt or fraternizing with God knows what kind of people. Yet, he didn't want for Reuben to realize the damage he had caused, not when he was so calm and open for the right input. 

"And today our wishes were granted!"

Warmth, safety, love. Encased by these sensations, Ben's mind caught itself slipping into easy relaxation once again.

"Can you say it for me, can you tell me that you're safe and loved?"

"'m safe and loved," he slurred quietly against the wool. It felt good to be here in his dad's arms, it felt right.

"That's my boy, I knew we could stand above the past." 

Shepard's sweet promises hugged his exhausted soul, he was too tired of running, adapting, changing. They tried to teach Ben what to say and what to hide out there, but the only thing he understood was to never be himself; another truth nobody could ever tell his brother. He remembered exactly how angry and disappointed Luke loved to get with him.

Cupping his face carefully, Shepard pushed him to sit straight up: "Open your eyes."

With a wide, empty stare but not awake in the slightest, Ben continued to sway back and forth. He was unsure what Dad wanted from him and too dizzy to care, silently begging to be allowed back into the stream of soft, dark dreaminess. Tears collected at the corners of his eyes, but Shepard was far from done with him: "Ben, tell me what you are when you're with us."

"I'm safe and I'm loved," tumbled from his lips without thinking twice about it.

"Yes, you are." Relief washed over Ben like a tsunami: he didn't do anything wrong after all, nobody hated him here.

"Now close these heavy eyes and relax."

As he sagged back down, the inward pull doubled its force. He felt that the soap bubble his brain had become threatened to pop. Too much to focus on, nothing to think about, clutching onto the inner peace Dad had so kindly given him. 

"We all love you so much. Missing is too weak a word to explain how desperately we wanted you back. You are always wanted here." 

Every word was law.

Shepard should feel dirty at using Reuben's obvious weaknesses so bluntly against him, but not today. Today they would celebrate his return and plan the one they enjoyed as soon as the other prodigal son decided to come home. A selfish sting inside Shepard's heart forced the next question out: "Did you miss me?"

A final nod made tears run down Ben's face. Shepard hugged him tighter, as if he never intended to let go again:

"I missed you too, starshine, it's going to be alright. Everything falls into place when we are together."

Numb with joy, Ben felt too tired to hold on to the present any longer, a problem his father gladly helped him with: "Sleep now, sleep and let my words manifest as truth in your mind."

・・・・・・・・・・・・・・・・・・・・

Thanks for reading 🤍 [Febuwhump 2024 Masterlist]

@febuwhump

[oftenvlogs]

How do you know if you love someone?

Love is a complex emotion that can be difficult to define. It often involves a deep connection between two people and can be experienced in many different ways. It can be a feeling of warmth, joy, and comfort, but it can also be a source of pain and sadness. Love is often considered a powerful emotion, and it can have a profound impact on our lives. It can make us feel alive, bring us joy and…

[redd956]

Commonly Misused/Misjudged Buzzwords! Part One

Lovebombing - An intense display of affection used to manipulate and control someone.

Lovebombing IS NOT excessive flattery, but abuse and manipulation disguised as such . It's not an always intentional move, but often looks like someone spending the early phases of their relationship being overtly affectionate, loving, and over-communicative, then sliding into tactics gaslighting and other kinds of abuse.

They keep their abused on their toes, by being abusive one moment, and giving them the world the next. It leads the victim into a loop of looking back at their relationship, and being blinded by the lovebombed moments.

"She's been so awful to me, but- Last christmas she gave me more presents than I could ever ask for. Maybe she's not that bad."

Lovebombing is a type of Emotional Abuse.

Intrusive Thoughts - Unwanted and involuntary thoughts, disturbing and upsetting to the people who have them. They are usually of violent content, but not always.

Intrusive thoughts are usually mixed up now a days with impulsive thoughts. Pushing a kid into a pool IS NOT an intrusive thought.

They don't look like this either

Cutting your hair for a new look

Making sudden expensive purchases

Peeling off your nail paint

Poking your dog in the face

Play hitting your sibling

Intrusive thoughts can look like

Driving into oncoming traffic

Homicidal thoughts

Suicidal thoughts

That your house WILL absolutely burn down

That someone is watching you

Intrusive thoughts are normal, despite their terrifying quality, but appear more often and can become problematic for people with a myriad of different mental illnesses.

Obsessive Compulsive Disorder, Paranoid Schizophrenia, Borderline Personality Disorder, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder, Generalized Anxiety Disorder, and many others struggle particularly with intrusive thoughts.

Delusional - Holding false beliefs or judgements about reality despite undeniable evidence, usually a mental symptom to a greater condition.

I see a lot of people arguing about this one. It's not ableist to call a Conspiracy Theorist delusional. They are by definition delusional, however...

It's important to take delusions as a symptom of mental health more seriously than we have in the past. Delusions in a psychological context can be terrifying experiences for those who have them. They can range from small disconnections of reality, to grandiose spirals that can lead to hospitalization and endangerment.

(Also delusions can happen to anyone. They can be fueled through stress, alcohol, and even environment. Take for instance Mob Hysteria.)

Commonly known delusions are

Persecutory: Being stalked, being watched, someone's after you, the government is after you, someone's trying to poison you, etc.

Erotomania: Convinced that someone is in love you (often to the dangerous/creepy extent).

Delusion of Grandeur: Believing oneself to be greater and more influential than they are. Believing they're divine. Believing they may have special abilities. Believing they have exceptional talents. Etc.

There's many more kinds. Also, no I don't have a problem with the slang, delulu. It's a playful variation of the word, and is not meant to be taken seriously.

Gaslighting- A manipulation tactic in goal to cause someone to question their perception of reality.

Gaslighting is NOT telling an everyday lie or pranking a friend. It is a serious Emotional/Psychological abuse tactic often used to keep someone within the gaslighter's grasps. I think one of the best examples of gaslighting in media is Mother Gothel in the Disney Rapunzel movie.

She gaslit Rapunzel into believing Gothel to be her only protection from a cruel and predatory world.

Gaslighting is incredibly cruel. One of the most common examples is convince someone that they are insane. Another often seen is convincing someone they are ugly and/or unlovable.

These tactics are to keep the abused insecure, and unfortunately for us, insecure people are easier to keep tied around your finger.

[traiciontrauma]

[so-i-did-this-thing]

How can I tell the difference between love bombing and someone being really nice?

Someone trying to manipulate you via love bombing is more concerned with talking about the circumstances and reception of their gifts, rather than actually engaging with the content.

They want you to know the gift was exceptional in some way. Maybe "fate" brought it to them and then you, or it's from their special stash, reserved for only the most discriminating of friends. Maybe they actually downplay the gift in a humble bragging way that really means, "I could just as easily turn off the gift spigot as I turned it on".

What the abuser wants most is for you to tell them how amazing they are for giving it to you. They really love to find out if they're the one that introduces you to your next hyperfixation and will increasingly try to tie themselves to both it and you. They opened that door for you, after all - where would you and your new happiness be without them?

The gift itself? They aren't as interested in talking about it, other then probing for how it makes you feel.

Andy love bombed me via a lot of angles, and the one that stood out the most was a dump of scans from an old leatherworking handbook. It was a hodgepodge of Leatherworking 101 stuff that I outgrew years prior, but he was determined to tell me how *amazing* it was that, shortly after one of our chats, he was walking by a used bookstore and the book practically flung itself out at him, how incredible! When I wanted to talk about some of the patterns in the scans, he quickly changed the subject. 🤔

Nice people will be nice and engage equally with you via a gift. Be very wary of someone who sets up gifts as a way to break down your boundaries, tie themselves to your emotions, set up a "you now owe me" situation or some other kind of power imbalance.

[pandemicnarcissiststories]