#hoovering

[selfhealingmoments]

[kpop-bbg]

[einlebenmitdirohnedich]

Viel Kraft an die Neue, die jetzt neben ihm liegt und noch keine Ahnung hat, was ihr in Zukunft noch bevorsteht!

[bpd-aware]

[groovyace]

Feeling the urge to read every single book on this planet

[aneverydaything]

Day 2109, 1 April 2024

[poe-sia-todo-dia]

Quando você desmascara um narcisista, ele rapidamente começa a buscar o seu suprimento narcísico em outras pessoas. Não se espante. Pode ser de homens e mulheres. Muitos narcisistas são bissexuais. O que importa para eles não é a orientação sexual, e sim a atenção. Quanto mais atenção, melhor. Se você os desmascara, eles vão desvalorizá-lo e se preparar para descartá-lo. É sempre assim. Não é que eles são maus. Eles são demônios. Fazer o mal, para o ego gigante deles, é fazer o bem. O narcisista vive num mundo invertido. Ele não liga de caminhar no inferno na Terra ou no Céu. O que importa para ele é alimentar o ego. Se você não for alimentá-lo, ele encontrará alguém para continuar no ciclo. O único caminho deles é o ciclo. E o seu é o da libertação. Liberte-se!

[windhavenfoundation]

Understanding Hoovering: How Toxic People Suck You Back In

Learn about hoovering, a tactic used by toxic individuals to pull victims back into abusive relationships, and discover how to recognize and resist it. #domesticviolence #domesticabuse #domesticviolenceawareness #hoovering #domesticabuseawareness

Deciding to leave an abusive or toxic relationship is a significant and courageous step. However, staying away can be equally challenging due to a manipulative tactic known as “hoovering.” This term, inspired by the vacuum cleaner brand, describes how toxic, abusive, and narcissistic individuals attempt to “suck” their victims back into the relationship. Therefore, let’s explore what hoovering…

[notasdesan]

[halte-mpn]

Il se moquait de mes OCDs (TOCs), cela le faisait rire à ne plus pouvoir s'arrêter. Il adorait me les provoquer et ma souffrance était son exutoire. Il riait bien plus à cela qu'à n'importe quelle blague. Et juste à la suite de son fou rire, il changeait de masque / de visage. Soudainement il se mettait à hurler, à souffler, à me mettre plus bas que terre, comme si j'étais tout sauf un être humain, tout sauf une créature même. Les insultes fusaient, les menaces aussi. Tout n'avait ni queue ni tête, juste le scénario d'une folie alors qu'il allait jusqu'à se taper la tête contre les murs et balancer des objets partout, casser ses propres affaires... Tandis que moi je n'arrivais déjà pas à gérer mes OCDs qu'il fallait en plus que j'arrive à faire face à l'état de sidération dans lequel il m'avait mis et pour couronner le tout, trouver paix et repos avec l'état d'OCDs inachevés... Tout en sachant que quelques minutes plus tard, il viendrait troubler mon repos avec des messages d'insultes, de menaces (rupture, suicide...) et puis un peu plus tard avec des messages de love bombing comme si de rien... suivi de tentatives de culpabilisation que je ne réponde pas dans la seconde qui suit alors qu'il savait pertinemment que j'allais être en train de dormir à ce moment là... Et au delà de tout ça, je me demande toujours "comment" et "pourquoi" on peut en arriver là, autant lui que moi...

to be continued...

[einlebenmitdirohnedich]

Ich würde ja gern sagen, dass ich dir wünsche, dass du endlich glücklich wirst, aber "Glück" ist etwas, das eine geschundene Seele, wie du, niemals empfinden wird! Stattdessen wünsche ich deiner Neuen viel Kraft für alles, was ihr noch bevorsteht. 🤞🏻

[notasdesan]

[soulmvtes]

me making sure i shake my head in disgust as i walk past booktok tables in bookshops

[findinginga]

"You'll be happier with a Hoover…

 ...Get happier today" (Classic marketing tag line for Hoover vacuum cleaner products)

Ignoring that sucking sound...

Having achieved a modicum of peace after the most recent confrontation with Inga, I was beginning to refocus on work projects.  The time I spent in text exchanges was being invested back into myself.  It was time to clean and dress my wounds.  It was time to admit to myself that I had been used, abused and kicked to the curb.  I was covered in figurative road rash.  I was hurting. 

Suddenly, there was wall-to-wall coverage of Russian vehicles crossing the border into Ukraine.  There were live feeds of rocket attacks and explosions in Kiev.  My interest was captured by the seemingly endless frontline reports and obligatory commentary which followed nearly each.

Simple "Good Morning" and "Good Night" messages, between Inga and I, had replaced the scores of texts which had previously been exchanged over the course of a day.  However, with the new volatility in Eastern Europe, I was inquiring more about the physical and emotional security of both Inga and Eva with Inga sharing her frustration and anger over the response of the US and Western European nations.  Inga noted the unfairness of Westerners to brand all Russians as evil or to assume that all Russians were in favor of the actions of Putin and the Kremlin.  On some occasions Inga would parrot Kremlin talking points regarding the infiltration of "Nazis" into the ranks of the Ukrainian military and that Ukraine had been responsible for genocide in the Donbas region.  These arguments were used by Inga to rationalize the invasion of a sovereign nation by her country.  There were other times when Inga recognized the folly of the invasion and wrote of the first Russians killed in action transported to the military base outside of Pskov as well as the significant trauma of those wounded in action.

As I willingly took part in the reestablishment of routine communication with Inga, I did so by rationalizing that I was being helpful and compassionate.  However, as Inga shared more of her thoughts, it became obvious that she was expressing her outrage over how the conflict, sanctions, travel restrictions and the freefall in the value of the ruble were impacting her.  Inga shared an anecdote related to a friend who was involved in a real estate transaction prior to the imposition of Western sanctions.  Inga related that the value of the proceeds in her bank account were nearly wiped out after the ruble was devalued.  Inga also wrote of people traveling to Kazakhstan to establish bank accounts.  I was highly suspicious that these stories were actually referring to Denis and Inga.

It was not long that the volume of messages exchanged with Inga returned to or exceeded past daily totals.  While Inga never offered an apology for any of her past transgressions, she appeared eager to communicate with me.  On more than occasion she offered, what I am sure she intended as a compliment, by writing to me that she looked forward to our "conversations" as she could not tolerate the nonsense she experienced with others.

Yes, I got hoovered...

Narcissists can skillfully employ a number of tools, some of which I have described in previous posts.  One form of manipulation is referred to as "hoovering" which simply means to an attempt to suck an individual back into their sphere.  This may happen when the previous source of narcissistic supply breaks away or pushes back on the abuse.  It was not that I did not see it coming.

Well, that little respite I experienced was short-lived.  It would only be a matter of time before I regretted the trip back to "Crazy Town".