#love being aro

[toribookworm22]

Hello hello, awhile back you offered up an ask for me to ramble on about anything I could. I want to extend the same to you now! Tell us about anything on your mind, any new progress in a WIP, a new hyperfixation, maybe you made something really tasty recently and want to share the experience. Let this be the canvas to word vomit!

Haha!

I finally have thoughts occurring in my mind!

No, but seriously. Thank you so much for this ask, darling. I really really appreciate it, even if it took me way to long to answer. 🙃

Onto the ramble!

I am currently in three writing classes for school, so most of my writing time is dedicated to assignments for those classes. I have been writing a bit of poetry-- mostly angry, if I'm being honest-- which has been nice as well. I'm about to start working on a TV drama pilot for a class and I'm SURE you'll get to hear all about my woes on that one. Should be fun though.

And continuing on, let me discuss the thing today that drove me to finally answer this ask. (Accidentally got long so...)

I recently got an idea for a polyam story and accidentally wrote a really cute section of the story that I subsequently decided to turn in as a short story for one of my classes.

Well, today I got in-class critiques. And I was starkly reminded how little people know about aromanticism and all it entails. The critiques went really well. Even the people who didn't quite understand really liked my writing and several people had well-deserved concerns that I will be taking into consideration when I decide to write more.

But my professor (probably 60 year old man) admitted aromantic was a term he had to look up. Then he proceeded to steer the class into a discussion of how I handled the characters' identities in the story.

That felt a little insensitive to me, but-- I wasn’t allowed to speak for one-- I wasn't going to jump to negative conclusions. People brought up that the story should incorporate clearer discussions sooner (correct) and that this was a new subject matter to them (also correct) and then the professor interjected that he didn't think it was good to label the characters. One step worse, he then added the word "diagnosis."

Even if I had been allowed to speak, I was speechless. I haven't discussed aromanticism with an adult since I came out to my parents. And I go to a very inclusive school, so most of the students are careful with their language on matters like these.

Several students in my class did argue his point. Turns out there's at least two other aro-spec people in my class and several other allies. But it was too late for my professor not to have lost a little bit of my respect.

I knew submitting this story was a risk. I knew there would be people who didn't understand.

Had I omitted their labels, suddenly my sweet and loving story is about a toxic relationship with no love and bad people. Right? Cause I guess that is what we look like to the outside world. That's not even bringing up the QPR or the polyam aspects.

A few years ago, I finally reached the point where I can take critique on my writing because I finally started believing in my own writing. I'm a good writer. I write good stories.

This piece is nothing different.

But I wasn't quite prepared for the reminder that not everyone is going to understand what I'm writing about. And it'll have nothing to do with whether they like it or not. They just won't understand.

Sorry, that ended up taking a very long and kinda dark turn. 🤣

Thank you again for the ask and giving me a platform to rant on (like I need another 🙃).

All my love,

~ toribookworm ❤️

[sunbloomdew]

do you ever see a person and you are overcome with incredible fondness? and you just think "oh." but not in a romantic or sexual way you are just filled with warmth and it makes you happy, it just does. and you think "i'm so happy you exist. i'm happy you are somewhere out there in the world, doing your thing". it's love but also not entirely

like people are lovely and i feel it in my entire chest like a burning candle that smells like roses and a sunny day

[stiffyck]

Good luck during pride month to all the aroaces who are gonna be blasted with "love is love" everywhere

Edit:

This post includes aplatonic people, loveless aros and any other people who fall anywhere on the aro and ace spectrum.

Stop saying "but theres platonic love and familial love-"

[knifearo]

being aromantic is like. hey btw you're going to live a life that is the culmination of most of society's worst nightmares. sorry lol ✌️ but then you turn around and take a really good hard look at it and it turns out that living in that nightmare is fucking awesome and you get to wake up every day and take that fear that other people have and laugh and hold it close until it's a great joy for you instead. and being happy is a radical act that you define instead of someone else. and you're sexy as fuck that's just a fact of life i don't make the rules on that one

[sadisthetic]

the madness frustration loneliness of the dissonance of a mismatch of the rotten heart to the rest

allosexual aromantic swag happy pride *peaces out*

[nikothebookdragon]

hey btw. being platonically in love is so real btw. having a silly text convo with your friend and thinking "I love you" with every message. studying together in silence and feeling the most comfortable you've been in years. having a huge cheesy grin on your face after you spend time together, or even just text for a bit. your worries becoming a little easier to bear when they hug you. worrying about them, wishing you could magically give them all the happiness in the world.

being platonically in love is one of my favourite feelings in the world, and you know what? I'm so grateful that being aspec let me experience this in full. I fucking love being on the aromantic spectrum <3

[faggotstump]

Being aromantic is fucking awesome

I LOVE TRANS PEOPLE. TERFS AND HARRY POTTER FANS GET OFF OF MY FUCKING BLOG.

[toribookworm22]

The biggest and most important thing about the aro community to me is simply understanding ourselves. Our identity-- and this is generalizing, I know-- is built on the lack of something, which makes it so easy for people to assume they know more about us than we do.

But this community immediately respects and rejoices in my understanding of myself. I'm not a late bloomer or a girl who too high standards or any of the other excuses I've heard. I'm aro. Because that's the label that feels right for me.

Another part of the community I vibe with like there's no tomorrow: IDENTITY IS FLUID.

Shit. If only little tweenage me could hear those words. The Born This Way movement was such a powerful and needed piece of society. It gave voices to people and brought communities together and all to the anthem of Lady Gaga. But it also instilled in my head that whatever way I grew up thinking I was, I was.

I thought I was a straight, alloromantic girl up until less than a year ago. And sure, had I known about the aro and ace-spec labels growing up, I do think I would've resonated with them at any age. But my experiences also shaped my identity, just as they shaped my personality.

And as I've had every uplifting member of the aro-- and overall queer-- community remind me whenever I start to feel shaky or scared: my identity is fluid and allowed to change.

Overall, I love being aro. And I love being in my new aro community. 💚🤍🖤

kinda curious - what are the parts of what you perceive as aro culture that you most and least vibe with? current or past.

I really vibe with the parts of the aro community who examine the complexities of navigating the world as an aro person - especially within the context of being loveless, apl, and/or experiencing sexual attraction. each part of those groups has brought me comfort and healing from social wounds I hadn't been aware ran so deep. i could identify some threads of hurt - but untangling them took both personal work and community to connect with.

on the other side of things, i find it quite difficult to relate to aros who wanted romance and marriage and the classic tale of a romantic life. this isn't to say that i dislike the people - just that i cannot seem to vibe with it on any level. even when i tried to be in romantic relationships, to find peace in the idea of a long-lasting romantic relationship, to want what others (especially my partner) wanted - i was so deeply uncomfortable. i felt sick when i imagined marriage, or being "together forever". i have no idea how to relate to dreaming of having that, and being devastated by not feeling the romantic attraction to lead down that path.

do y'all feel like certain aro groups, topics, or things in general are particularly easy or hard to relate to?

[a-flaming-triple-a]

I love how as an aro I reblog anything that has the word aromantic in it. People could literally say anything like "being aro is so cool and fun" or "aromantics drink some water rn" or "aros exist 😈" and I'd be like *smashes reblog* so true homie bless!

[theinsomniacindian]

"Love is what makes us human" Wrong, my ability to write poetry about the moon is what makes me human

[toribookworm22]

Valentine's special delivery!

I saw your recent posts about aromanticism, and as someone who is also aro, welcome to the club!! For valentine's, have a yellow rose, which symbolises friendship and new beginnings in victorian flower language :)

I don't have enough time to draw one, but I do have a nice photo for you:

(and I took it, so use it if you'd like!)

A bright yellow sun,

A chance brewing,

A rose for friendship

And new beginnings.

Thank you, love! This is honestly the sweetest thing ever and now my favorite thing I have received for Valentine’s Day. I'm so happy to have found such a loving community that brings me so much joy and happiness. ❤️

[lazylittledragon]

ok i swear i'm not going to talk about my breakup forever but the thing that just keeps bothering me:

i know that not getting what you need in a relationship is a COMPLETELY valid reason to end it but also. i feel like having a very vulnerable moment where i opened up about my struggles with intimacy and being relieved that i didn't have to keep doing things i wasn't comfortable with, then being dumped a YEAR later because of my lack of intimacy. is something i should be allowed to be very hurt by???

[thecoolerliauditore]

hey gang gang I don't think I've seen anyone else mention this but please know that between the day-long horse argument and his awful gravel prank, Etho placed blocks in front of Bdubs to keep him safe from a skeleton. It's when they're going down to mine and run into Jimmy, Etho places two blocks in front of himself and then immediately, wordlessly makes a wall in front of Bdubs as well to protect him. No one verbally acknowledges it and I don't know if anyone other than Etho even noticed it happening. Also Tango said the word "anime" at one point and that felt very wrong.

[knifearo]

you can literally just be aromantic. it’s free and nobody’s stopping you :)

[redysetdare]

I think i just need to express that the culture surrounding QPRs right now made me think that i couldn't have strong bonds with my friends. Society told me i cant have strong bonds with friends because that was only for romantic relationships. Then i went into aro spaces and this idea was reinforced using QPRs instead of romantic relationships. it was "You can still have strong bonds with people without romance! It can just be a QPR instead!" "QPRs are MORE than friendship so you can have STRONGER BONDS than you would with friends."

it made me think that the relationships i wanted with my friends HAD to be something other than friendship for it to be as strong as i wanted. If i wanted to be the first person in someones life i had to enter some sort of committed relationship. if I wanted someone to care about me as strongly as i did them then it would have to be a relationship that was "more" than friendship.

I thought I wanted a QPR because i was told the only way to get that care and security that I wanted was to enter into a relationship that was "more" than friendship. because friends didn't care that much. because friends didn't live together their entire lives. because friends were never the priority relationship wise. and it took me years to realize that i didn't want any partnership and i shouldn't have to be in one to want these things from a friend. these things CAN be something friends can do. but i found that out on my own. because the aro community kept saying "you want a QPR" when i just wanted a friend who finally saw me as a priority in their life.

[do-not-go-gentle]

NEED some aro friends that I can give flowers to platonically. let me give flowers platonically. PLEEEAAASSSEEEEE.