#love a man who struggles with interpersonal relationships

[astrologhosts]

9. The Warrior of Light has been through quite a lot, but what is a moment, big or small, that bolstered and renewed their spirit? Was it a cup of hot cocoa or a lovingly crafted sandwich? Did someone give them a few words or a gesture at just the right time that meant the world to them? (Of course, this can be a canon event or headcanon!)

There are a few that come to mind.

He’s not very good at talking to people in general, let alone his fellow scions, but he cherishes every time that he can just sit down and talk to them without worrying about the world ending or something.

He especially appreciates being able to sit down one-on-one with Alisaie. She’s one of the few people who can actually slap some sense into the man without also wanting to kill him.

Haurchefant’s hospitality was also greatly appreciated. For a guy he was somewhat cautious around due to various High House-related shenanigans, he really made him feel welcomed. He provided the security and safety he needed at the time, and reminded him that there are some nice people in Ishgard, you just have to look really hard. He also makes a nice hot chocolate.

[glitter-stained]

I always feel like a little sad seeing posts about how Jason's character is inherently tragic and that's what makes it good, how him being unloved, a tragic consequence of his own actions, is inevitable, and how that shouldn't change because any change on that regard is a fundamental misunderstanding of his character. Yes, Under the Hood is a tragedy. Yes, Jason survived and for a long time people have been pretty confused at what to do with the character that survives the tragic ending. That doesn't mean he should continue to be trapped in the tragedy, that there's only value in him as long as he's unloved. And maybe that's me preaching and being a party pooper again but the idea that the teenage-to-young adult character with a mental illness that has damaged all his relationships is doomed to be lonely and have bad/upended relationships forever, that he's only good as a character as long as he's hurting others and/or himself (and usually both) and isolated because of this... It's sad, at the very least. I refuse the presumption that tragedies are the only stories wise and worth telling.

Also I personally really dislike the idea that Jason isn't and shouldn't be anyone's favourite, because he made himself nobody's favourite on purpose. Did he make himself a villain on purpose? Fuck yeah. Does any of his early attempts at reaching out to people hurt them? Indubitably. I maintain that this is because he wants to be someone's favourite as he is, at his worst, with his hands covered in blood. And I think he should be. (Without contradicting or damaging, by comparison, the relationships between other characters, that's the tightrope we need to be weary of when making such things, of course.)

It's like this: love, in most relationships, is conditional: you don't owe your friend or your partner to continue to love them if the relationship changes, if you change, if you become violent etc. If my girlfriend started murdering puppies, I would stop loving her. Ideally, however a parent's love for their child is unconditional. That's very often unfortunately not the case, but ideally it'd be, it's really not great for a kid to have zero parents that love them unconditionally. And most importantly, it's not just about actual unconditional love, it's about it being perceived. So it doesn't matter in the debate if Bruce actually loves Jason in spite of the murder, it matters that Jason asks for confirmation of it at the end of UTH and receives a negative answer. (similar arguments to be made about Catherine loving Jason and dying of drug overdose and Willis going to jail and dying - it's the potential perceived abandonment of it that would matter, not their agency and actual love. And it's not a question of whether he would be angry at it so much as that he'd yearn and hurt for it. And of course Sheila didn't love him at all.) That's why he, upon learning about Mia and reaching previously unknown to man levels of projection*, tries to rally her with the hope that, because she's "so similar to him" she would understand him. That's why upon learning about Dick "killing" Blockbuster Jason, again projecting more violently than a bullet, Jason makes Dick into his new favourite person (god, the concept behind BiB has so much potential why did it have to suck so bad...) Anyway, Jason to me is a character with a very intense, very overwhelming conception of love both in who he loves and how, who struggles to understand that other people love and show it differently, and it makes so much sense for him to keep looking for a person who will love him unconditionally (something that's both very rare and not necessarily healthy since, again, most relationships aside from parent-child relationships do not and probably should not include unconditional love). This is particularly interesting in the context of him having bpd (again, using bpd because i'm focusing on the interpersonal dimension that's been mostly studied within that frame) because BPD often functions around a vicious circle of "is afraid of rejection/abandonment -> does maladaptive behaviour in attempt to prevent rejection/abandonment OR protect oneself by being the one to leave first" which is what leads to the instability in relationships. It's a doomed prophecy: i have maladaptive patterns that make me think my girlfriend is gonna leave me at any time, I keep demanding to see her phone, assuming she's cheating everytime she leaves and thus demonizing her even though I was glorifying her five minutes earlier" then she's going to leave me, which is gonna reinforce my thought pattern that everyone always leaves me. But that also means that in rare instances in which the other person in the interact, for whichever reason, sticks around through that, then these incorrect thought patterns begin to change through the sheet logic of extinction: if i think that people always leave me because of something fundamentally wrong with me and people don't leave then eventually the idea that people are doomed to abandon/reject me is going to lose its power. That's, btw, an important part of why therapy works.

(*that one's a joke, btw. He's not projecting onto mia and dick to levels impossible to mankind, just pretty intensely. Very human levels of projection, might I add'. Just to clarify.)

Now, be mindful: I'm not saying make Jason an abusive boyfriend. I'm not saying put him in a relationship where the other stays because they're afraid of him, that's not unconditional love or acceptance that's just fear. Of course, the ideal version of it would be Jason goes to therapy but because dc hates me specifically this is never gonna happen, but imagine him being in a relationship, romantic or otherwise, with someone who is as intense and "unwell" about him as he is about them. I'm not saying it would fix him (again, get him so goddamn therapy jfc) but it would change him. And just as it doesn't have to be healthy it doesn't have to be tragic.

I was asked a while ago my thoughts on Jason's current stagnancy as a character and if I thought he could become interesting again, and I said yes and talked about the directions I dream would be explored with his character and their potential. My answer hasn't changed, and it's completely compatible with this, but I will add: I think Jason as a character has largely and for long enough been defined through his yearning to be somebody's favourite, and that if you want his mode of interacting with others and dynamic with different characters to change then this is a very logical way to do it. And it would make a lot of sense for it to be the catalyst for other changes in his character (ie in his name or philosophy).

Get that boy into a super intense long-term codependent situationship, is what I'm saying. Please.

[delicious-in-imagines]

Hii! Hope you’re doing well :3! Could I request like basic relationship headcanons with Kabru, Chilchuck, and Laios? If not that’s totally fine! Hope you have a good day! :D

You got it, boss!

Kabru of Utaya

I've covered this before in other posts, but his eye for details when it comes to people is going to be used on you. He has a internal list of things you love and things that you hate, and often references it over the course of the relationship.

The only way that he cleans his room is if you're coming over. He'll ask you to return with him on a whim, and then realizes that 'oh shit, I can't have them see this,' and once you get back, he tries to make a distraction, or just asks you to hang out in the hallway as he struggles to stuff all of the shit on the floor under every piece of furniture he can. His landlord finds this endlessly amusing, and knows when you're coming over because Kabru is frantically trying to clean - he helps to give Kabru some pointers.

Loves to surprise you with things you mention in passing, a necklace or bracelet that you saw in a nearby stall, taking you out to a fancy place that you mentioned wanting to go to dinner, or even just something that you need that he noticed. Stuff like a new whetstone, a repair for your armor, anything like that.

He's not the biggest on embraces, but this is a man who loves to cuddle when the two of you are in bed. He absolutely enjoys wrapping his hands around you, either having you curling into his neck, or with your back slotted neatly against him. He always plays with your hands, linking your fingers together. He actually gets to the point that he can't sleep easily unless he at least has some part of his body touching yours.

Cup his face before kissing him, stare into his eyes and tell him something along the lines of 'I love the color of your eyes' and just watch him melt. He used to be self-conscious and hate his eyes, though it's something he's outgrown over the years, but he still loves to hear it come from your lips.

Chilchuck Tims

His love language is admonishing you - sorry not sorry. He's very much the kind of person that if he is barking at you while patching you up, or while trying to help you, that he cares deeply about you. He yells because he cares, if he didn't, he wouldn't say a word.

Before you get into a relationship, he's absolutely going to bring up his past, at least in some capacity. Even if it's part of his sordid past, you deserve to know. He promises that he's changed, but he also knows that the only way to prove that is through his actions.

Speaking of, he does want you to meet his daughters. He's not ashamed of them - quite the opposite, he loves them dearly, and he doesn't want to feel like he's hiding them from you, or you from them. Though, there's not enough words in the common language to express how relieved he is when his daughters like you.

Even though he hates interpersonal relationships in groups, he also starts to outgrow that in bits and pieces. While on the job, he's going to be a bit more aloof, though he absolutely will indulge a handhold, and will only marginally shoo you away when you press a little peck to his cheek or temple.

Though, whenever you take breaks, he's definitely more receptive to any open displays of affection, and will even come to you to initiate. Especially if you're sitting, he'll come up to you and cup your face, making you look up at him - which is something that he loves way too much to be healthy. He's used to people looking down towards him, so being able to tip your head up? It's like a drug for him.

He knows that he's a walking space heater, and anticipates you setting your bedroll beside his own. He'll open up his blanket and grouse until you settle down, sighing out and finally snuggling up to you. Whether you like to be the big spoon or the little spoon, he enjoys the casual closeness. Though, his favorite is if you're bigger than him - being the big spoon, or more aptly, your jetpack.

Laios Touden

Being able to share meals made up of meal parts is a dream come true for him. He might pout occasionally if you are unsure about whatever y'all are eating. But, whenever he can, if there's something that you genuinely liked - then he's more than willing to share with you! I like to think that sharing food or cooking it with him is a love language of his.

If you're willing to listen to him constantly rambling about his hyperfixation on monsters, he'll continue on excitedly before he'll cut himself off, stumbling over his words and apologizing. Please - please, please, please, reassure him, even if you just tell him, 'I might not fully understand, but I just like listening to you.' You'll have his heart immediately, looking at you so softly and wrapping you up in a hug and thanking you. He knows sometimes he can get carried away, but knowing that you value his joy even if you don't fully agree, it warms his heart.

I like to think that rather than defaulting to kisses for showing affection, that he head bonks. You know how cats do the bunting? Yeah, that. He'll come up to you while you're doing something mundane and just bonk his head against yours. Sometimes it's a little too harsh, but that's just how much he loves you.

Above anything else, he wants you to meet his sister. While he may not be able to, nor want, to take you home to his parents - he does want you to meet the family that he cares about most. He'll share stories about Falin, things they did when they were younger, or when they were gold strippers, though sometimes he cuts himself off when he feels overwhelmed with what has happened to his sister.

He's a sprawler when he sleeps, usually on his back - pulls the full starfish. So, if you want to cuddle, you'll have to sleep in the crook of his arm, where he'll close his arm to bring you closer to him. Sleeping on the rise and fall of his chest, hearing his thumping heart skip a beat every time that you rest your head there. When he wakes up first, he can't find it in himself to wake you, craning his head awkwardly to watch your sleeping form with the softest smile on his face.

[0th3rw0rldl1n3ss]

So I have a dormant scooby doo hyperfixation (that comes back now and then) and since the new Velma show is trending rn I feel the urge to tell everyone that in the Mystery Incorporated series Fred is canonically autistic with a special interest in making traps and I never see anyone mention this. It was confirmed in a video that’ll be linked at the bottom of this post.

But yeah, aside from all the other problems with the new Velma show (disclaimer: I haven’t seen the show yet but have seen some previews and have heard things about it that have given me very low hopes for how the show will be) one of the biggest icks for me so far is making Fred into a shallow and arrogant asshole popular rich boy stereotype instead of going the Mystery Inc route and making him a classic himbo and autistic who’s obsessed with building traps.

Autistic Fred Jones is the best version of Fred Jones. I love that he displays autistic characteristics without being a lazy one dimensional stereotype of autism. In the show, from what I remember (I need to give it a rewatch), he has a clear special interest in building traps to the point that it defines his life and affects his relationships, he struggles a lot with interpersonal relationships, indirect communication and social signals (especially when it comes to being oblivious to Daphne’s romantic signals, and the issues this causes in their relationship). But he’s not one dimensional, in fact he has more emotional complexity in this series than in any other rendition of Scooby Doo, in my opinion, and even though he’s autistic he’s still a conventionally attractive man and a central character who is desired by one of the main, attractive female leads in the show, which I almost NEVER see.

This Reddit post goes a bit more into the specifics of his autistic traits, for anyone interested.

Here’s the video I mentioned:

This post is about Fred, but I also wanted to mention that I have a lot of love for the Mystery Inc creators deliberately writing Velma as a lesbian who was struggling with coming to terms with her sexuality throughout the show, and giving her a canonical sapphic love interest, in a time where having a queer character in the main cast of a kids show was unheard of.

Anyway, I recommend watching Mystery Inc if you don’t want to watch the new Velma show but still want to watch something that hits the Scooby Doo nostalgia spot. It still has the fun of classic Scooby Doo that speaks to my inner child but it’s also dark and complex enough to appeal to teen and adult audiences (as well as younger audiences) without over the top edginess.

[batmansymbol]

can't remember the last time i made a blog post on this blog. i really am becoming the hermit i always aspired to be.

looking for somewhere to put this particular exhaustion though and journaling makes me feel lonely and lately all interpersonal interactions leave me with the feeling of having transgressed in many secret ways unknown to me. so vent follows. although for the record someday when i am a true hermit i will have found inner peace, and i will no longer make posts like this, and i instead will be able to identify a cypress tree on sight.

for now, i've been having this feeling of kneeling in the surf with my mouth open and the ocean trying to force itself down my throat. i'm working four jobs to make ends meet. they are meeting, barely. my 16-year-old car broke down for the last time, and this week i bought a new one from a man at a dealership who lied to me over the phone about hidden fees as though $900 meant nothing. now i have new car payments every month but i no longer hear a steady drip behind me in the car when it rains, can't decide which of the two feelings of dread is more potent. i loved that leaking car into its grave. i often wish i had a soul-crushing 9-to-5 that paid me $75,000 every year like clockwork. i am spreading myself too thin socially. i love everybody in my life. sometimes i receive profound and beautiful reactions to my writing, and also with four clicks i can see criticism of my work online that makes me feel like i should never have been born. i struggle to weight these experiences in a reasonable way in my mind. i have not read a new book since sally rooney's intermezzo. i hate everything i write but luckily the hatred comes in cycles, counterbalanced by defiant love, like my relationship with my forehead. i have to believe everything i write is the one (the one that will financially or artistically save me). i have to tell myself the one doesn't exist so as not to get my hopes up. i have to remind myself my problems are atomically small compared to nearly everything. i have to remind myself of this because sometimes it's the only thing that makes me feel human again. i have dreams about friends i had in high school and the shitty jokes i made to them, how much more sensitive i could have been. in the dreams they hate me, or forgive me, or hit me. last april at age 28 i began to have back pain every single night from a degenerated spinal disc and now at age 30 i have anti-arthritis pills in my toiletries bag. it hurts to lean back in a chair, but i have all my limbs and my mind. i wonder every day why i'm not doing something differently. my inability to do anything meaningful disgusts me. i find meaning whenever i open the blinds. i have forgotten to switch my car insurance to my new vehicle, so after i press Post Now i will go to the website that will ask me for my password and to confirm i am myself.

[silver-horse]

I fucking LOVE how loyal the companions are to each other... and how their relationships are evolving with both each other and the player.

to all those people who think Larian is copying Dragon Age... well Dragon Age would never have this. where all the very fucked up companions who are in this shit together actually recognise that fact with common sense and they support each other despite any differences. Not only that BUT they recognise the similarities they have with each other and support each other based on that fact

Example: Astarion-Gale (how Astarion comments "he is a man of taste" if the player is a little annoyed with Gale and if player says that he wants to suck out magic lol Or when Gale is supportive like the "don't do it Astarion, it's not worth it, trust me, I know the temptation only too well" and so on...)

If this was dragon age then they would talk to each other like "how typical, ofc you are like this, dickhead" and trying to be helpful and supportive would be a 1 in a billion dialogue. they would only make shit worse for each other. and look... interpersonal conflicts could be a fun driving force of plot but in da it mostly doesn't drive the plot. they are just making shit worse for the other person even when it makes no sense and when they should be more friendly and understanding based on their own struggles.

Another example: Wyll-Karlach (their conflict actually does start the plot. it has a significance, it's not there for no reason. but even after that initial conflict they immediately become understanding of each other and supportive. they both dislike devils, they both want to escape from that situation etc. and they don't act like idiots who don't see that they are in this together. even though one of them tried to kill the other. one of them received horns because of the other. )

I could go on... but whatever, you get the picture. I just like this type of writing for interactions between characters.

[queerly-autistic]

One thing that I absolutely love is that Ed is not, for one single second, jealous of Stede's newfound fame. It would have been so easy for the writers to use that as the point of tension between them, to have Ed struggle with Stede suddenly being famous and people being more interested in him than Blackbeard, but there's not a single iota of it to be found. That sort of jealousy is just not a thing that exists in the equation of their relationship.

Look at him here. Although he initially assumes that the group of admirers is looking for him, when they say that they're actually interested in Stede, Ed isn't put out by it at all. His first reaction is to look on with interest, then to genuinely smile/laugh as he watches these people fawn over Stede, and then finally to sincerely congratulate him in this adoring proud voice. This is a man who is so fucking chuffed for his boyfriend.

Even in the bar later on, he's gleefully and enthusiastically giving Stede all these tips that he's learned over the years, helping and supporting him in ways that he no doubt wishes someone would have done for him when he was in the first throes of pirate infamy. He's not upset that Stede is over there with admirers rather than hanging out with him - he's giving his advice, essentially going 'HAVE AT 'EM TIGER', and then watching him go with big proud doe-eyes. If anything, he's thrilled that everyone else has joined him in seeing how spectacular his boyfriend is.

And when the conflict does come, it's not jealousy that fuels it. Instead, it's all about Ed panicking that they're at different places in life, with Stede succeeding at piracy just at the point where Ed himself is truly done with it. In fact, I think it's even arguable that a part of it is that Ed doesn't want to have to ask Stede to give all this up for him (even though we all know Stede happily would). There's not a single whisper of Ed actually begrudging Stede any of this.

It would have been such low-hanging narrative fruit to have jealousy play a part here, and I sort of expected it because so many shows would do it, just because it's easy drama. But not the OFMD writers. They took one look at it and went 'nope, not in this relationship', and I want to kiss them all lovingly on the forehead for it. Yes, in many ways they are both very immature, and they don't know how to be in an adult relationship, but in this? This is something mature and grown up that they just inherently do without thinking. This is a relationship where they love each other, and support each other, and genuinely delight in each other's achievements. They love each other completely and utterly, with no space for petty interpersonal jealousy in that love. And that's why, in spite of all the messiness and issues that they are going to have to overcome, they are strong enough to make it through.

[scraftyisthebest]

You know, some time ago I talked about the relationships between the Explorers, and how they're pretty clearly a disconnected group of people with a lot of rifts and divides between them. In the little relationship chart I showed I specifically highlighted Spinel as distinctly isolated from everyone else who has some interpersonal connections with each other. But thinking about it more, while that still holds true, I wonder if Spinel's isolation from everyone else to the group may have more to it than I initially thought.

Looking at it, he seems to really more come off as something of a social recluse who does not interact with people well, especially face-to-face. He seems to have traits that mirror Dot: namely he stands out as someone who is tech-savvy and Internet-savvy as well, using technology and the Internet to his advantage. He's also seemingly a reclusive shut-in who stays holed up in a room with a computer and commands his Pokemon from afar so he never has to interact with people face-to-face. Which is to say, he's evidently not good at interacting with people, and not only that, he would actively prefer not to interact with others if he can manage to do so. The closest admin to him is Chalce, but even then there's some distance between them.

But on the other hand, while he doesn't really care for his fellow Explorers admins and they don't really like him either, particularly Amethio, Coral, and Sidian who also mutually dislike him in turn, he's very close with his Pokemon. Most notably his main partner is an Umbreon, who is a friendship evolution, ie evolves from Eevee by sharing a close bond with its Trainer. Spinel very clearly loves and cares about his Umbreon, and Umbreon in turn is also very loyal to him. His Umbreon also has a defensively oriented moveset with Reflect, and moves like Foul Play and Snarl to turn the opponent's power against them while hitting them. This makes Umbreon come off as a protector of Spinel, who is loyal to him and will always protect him and be by his side no matter what. If there's anyone he considers his friend, it's his Umbreon, and from the way they interact Spinel does in fact cherish it and consider it his very dear friend. He's also relatively kind to his other Pokemon like Magneton and Beheeyem, as even when they both failed him, he didn't treat them badly. I think he's someone who is capable of forming bonds with Pokemon and loving them, and that his deal is that he does not like people, but trusts Pokemon instead, and for some reason is more capable of forming close relationships with Pokemon.

When Friede and Spinel met in person for the first time, Friede calls Spinel "shy". Friede seems to notice that Spinel very distinctly comes off as a loner, to the point where he's surprised Spinel would even work with his other admins in any capacity (and Spinel admits he's just using them to keep his hands clean, admitting he is a loner).

Spinel is also very notably a complete and utter yes-man to Gibeon, completely following any order Gibeon gives, which the other four don't. There's something going on there, like he might be trying to win over approval from Gibeon because he wants his talents and skills to be recognized by someone and sees Gibeon as that person. That might also explain his hostility towards Amethio and the other admins, because he sees them as a threat to that.

Spinel is certainly interesting in this light. The other admins all have their own struggles and insecurities that contribute to the group's overall disconnect, but they keep close with certain others despite disliking the rest. Amethio and Coral both seem to want to belong somewhere, and they do have their own close connections with Amethio having two subordinates in Zirc and Onia who care about him and he cares about as well, and having a close relationship with Hamber, while Coral and Sidian are close, and they're both close with Chalce. But Spinel is a loner who doesn't get along with humans but does however get along with his Pokemon. He has no close relationships with his fellow Explorers members, but is kind to his Pokemon, with his closest partner being his Umbreon who he cares about dearly and Umbreon cares about him as well.

I do wonder what led Spinel to join this group and what he will do. He has his own motives and will likely contribute to the disconnect of the Explorers that may prove Gibeon's downfall. Amethio, Coral, and Sidian seem like they'll be good ones who might help the RVT in some way or another, but Spinel may betray Gibeon for his own self interests. But looking at all this, his character is actually quite interesting and unique.

[bugcatcherkit]

What are your thoughts on Reigen I'm so curious now

Ohhh where do i start with Contradictions Georg himself.... Masking Andy... (clenches teeth) I have to make a list so I don't rant about one particular thing only.

the thing that hits hardest for me about his character is his Existentialism man. it's terribly relatable. Indeed, he is a Very Small Guy in a Very Big World and it's difficult to be Seen because of that. But also he's littered with Fear of Being Perceived and Understood. So he deals with his Existentialism by reaching for something (he doesn't know what) that'll make him somebody (he doesn't know who, just that it can't be his genuine self). MAN!!!!!!

Second thing that hits hard about his character is his unfiltered insecurities and self-loathing. Every time someone goes "We have to talk" he goes over every mistake or possible mistake he's ever made. He's the type of guy to search up the meaning of a word before he uses it, even if he's used it a 100 times before. Because what if he's wrong this one specific time?? Also his insecurities frequently make him act worse (sometimes on purpose, sometimes not) rather than better (as opposed to Mob most of the time) and i appreciate that so much.

I appreciate his Just Some Guyness over his babygirlness (not that they can't coexist i guess). Sorry guys. This is also why i think i prefer manga Reigen over anime Reigen. Like i can appreciate anime Reigen's maxed-out eccentricities and stuff, but overall I like the more Reservedness (?) that manga Reigen has. Personally it makes his groundedness, bad actions, and self-improvement hit a little harder. It goes well with his struggle to display his emotions in a loose and genuine way.

but despite this he's still silly. and frequently outlandishly embarrassing. and these are super important to his character also. Alongside his very genuine concern and care for the lives of others at any given moment.

He's always talking about his interpersonal relationships in terms of the Respect the other party holds for him. and then Separation Arc comes in with a steel chair that says "you have to give respect back to make a relationship Good and Fair and Genuine, idiot."

the only relationship this doesn't hold true to is with Dimple. Neither of them have any respect for each other really. And it's awesome.

i love how he is always just some Mediocre guy. He slowly self-improves certain aspects of his life but at the end of the day he's still paying Grown Man Serizawa 300 yen an hour (last time I checked). So.

Him being Mob's foil also means he has a lot in common with other Mob antagonists. But he has so many Mogamisms that it drives me up the wall. Sometimes he'll say a Mogamism and in my mind Mob looks at him with such a sudden intensity that he gets Scared

I frequently think of the scene where he is at the bar during Separation Arc and he realizes the bar people aren't his friends. And he says "I'm not good at this" and leaves. I don't have much to expand here but just know that when I think of how he experiences interpersonal relationships I think about this line. Because he's so good at a lot of things but Not This (Relationships overall. But also probably solving their problems in the moment).

not a fan of Dad or Uncle Reigen. To anyone really. Sorryyy. No hate to those who are though.

uhhhhhhh umm this has gotten so long. Sorry this is so unorganized i think i do better with more direct questions because i suck at staying on topic/being concise when i have free reign. There's so many aspects of his character that I didn't get to here that I also love. But its so hard to think of them all. I hope this gives you an idea though?

[inquisimer]

dragon age oneshot fic recs

@dreadfutures said that we should do more fic recs and she's absolutely right, so I'm starting what will hopefully be a series of fic rec lists, leading off with some oneshot recs! These are just standalone stories that don't require a big time commitment and definitely stuck with me after I read them.

Check them out! and leave a comment or kudos to let the author know you did 💜

Feel free to reblog this post and add your own oneshot fic recs! Or make your own fic rec post and tag me in it so I can read and promote your awesome recs :3

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My Lover's Phylactery by FrodaB

Cullen Rutherford/Female Inquisitor | G | 1472 words | No Archive Warnings Apply Author's Summary: She doesn't destory it Mer's Rec: this is an excellent piece that fills the gap DAI left (imho) about Trevelyan's phylactery! There's some excellent introspection from the Inquisitor and a bittersweet but somft and heartfelt ending between Cullen and his love.

Bent, Not Broken by spirrum (@spirrum)

Fenris/Female Hawke | G | 1595 words | No Archive Warnings Apply Author's Summary: In which Hawke doesn't run off to Weisshaupt, and an angry elf turns up at the Inquisition's door. Mer's Rec: this is a little slice of interpersonal relationships that beautifully captures Hawke's spirit! It starts with some platonic Hawke & Varric, perfectly encapsulating the exhaustion both of them feel after HLTA, and transitions smoothly into the heart-tugging reunion between Hawke and a frustrated Fenris who's very much in love.

last man standing (perhaps) by havvke (Wintertree)

Charade Amell & Carver Hawke & Female Hawke | T | 6749 words | No Archive Warnings Apply Author's Summary: Hawke’s teeth glinted when she grinned, except for the gap of her missing left dogtooth. Funny how they did that, even in such poor lighting. Glinting. Hawke barely seemed real. They’ve gone on a mission or two together since that initial, embarrassingly disastrous meeting, and it was still shocking that the woman lived up—if not surpassed—her nearly legendary status. Compared to the other missions Charade led with the Jennies, this was somewhat easier than her normal fare. But while Hawke was a known figure, and by technicality kin, Charade still didn’t know her. Mer's Rec: Okay, I'm admittedly biased toward this piece, because it was a gift for me as part of the 2023 Platonic Ideal Exchange. That being said, it is an INCREDIBLE work of sibling dynamics and I think of it whenever I think about Charade Amell. Havvke explores the relationship between Charade as a Red Jenny, Carver as a Grey Warden, and Hawke as...Hawke, in a beautiful web of complicated choices and found family. Over a year later, it still holds up as one of the best exchange gifts I've ever received.

Doggone by leggywillow (@leggywillow)

Alistair/Female Warden, Alistair & Anora Mac Tir, Alistair & Warden's Mabari | T | 3042 words | No Archive Warnings Apply Author's Summary: Alistair and the Warden are no longer together, but they still exchange letters - through Dog. Alistair struggles to find happiness in his life as king, but he isn't entirely alone. Mer's Rec: I read this one just recently and oh my GOODNESS it both made me laugh and also pulled at my heartstrings. Leggy alters the canon breakup between a King Alistair & the Warden to be somehow even more heartbreaking and the way that he talks to Dog is just so essentially Alistair, I could hear every line in his voice. Add to that several well done bits between Alistair & Anora and this piece absolutely delivers on the "sad" and "heartache" in the additional tags.

That Word You Call Me by thewitchofthewilds (gossamerstarsxx) (@saiyanshewolf)

Female Lavellan/Cullen Rutherford | T | 1768 words | Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings Author's Summary: The first time she tells him she loves him is the time he needs to hear it the most Mer's Rec: I love this piece for the intermingling of angst and fluff between Lavellan and Cullen. It leads in with one of the better descriptions of nightmare panic that I've seen and the way that Lavellan grounds Cullen from it is smooth and heartfelt, as is his reaction to her comfort. It caps off with some sweet fluff and a taste of human/elf relationships dynamics, for which I am a sucker, and which end the fic on soft, heartfelt note.

[tobiasdrake]

That introspection on magic addiction is really insightful. Personally, my favorite addiction metaphor is the Venom Symbiote, especially in the Spider-Man 2 video game. It's really neat to see how Harry as Venom is basically the equivalent of being so drugged up that you practically become a different person

Oh man, the Venom Symbiote is so across-the-board in portrayals.

I love Marvel symbiotes. That was my favorite powerset as a kid. A superpower that is also your costume but is also a sentient partner who loves and cherishes you and is with you always.

I was a lonely kid who didn't have a lot of friends; That's my fault, nobody wanted to be friends with a paranoid bully with a victim complex and a growing sense of misogynistic entitlement. Can't imagine why. So I liked to fantasize about what it would be like to have a symbiote, who would make me super powerful and also be my best friend.

Cletus Kasady and the Carnage symbiote are absolute monsters but they're also really sweet together. Depending on the writer, of course, but Carnage is at his best when writers remember that the distinguishing thing about him over Venom is that Kasady and his symbiote are a fully-bonded match made in Hell. They have what Venom wants but struggles to get because interpersonal relationships are hard.

Venom is a character the writers go back and forth on a lot. Like, IIRC the original reason why Spider-Man got rid of the symbiote was because being attached to a living thing is icky. Reed Richards was like "That suit is alive," and Spidey went "OH FUCK NO GET IT OFF". I don't know. I might be misremembering that.

But that's kind of a bad look so writers instead play it up as a wicked parasite that feeds on pure evilness and turns its host cruel and vicious. Which goes a bit too far the other direction because now you've erased the nuance of symbiote characters. Venom has a long and storied history of being an antihero, just as much as he has of being a villain.

That's a side of the character you can't really get from "The Evilness Suit made of concentrated evil turns Venom evil, and now he can only ever be evil so long as he's wearing the evil substance." It always makes me sad when adaptations malign symbiotes as wholly and intrinsically vile.

Of course, I have no idea what's even going on with them anymore. They're like space gods made of pure goodness or some shit now. I think Carnage became Cthulhu at some point? Comics are weird. But going by what they were in the 90's and early 00's, I was a big fan.

[fumifooms]

This chapter was very interesting, even if it was mostly set-up. Besides learning the new girl’s name and getting confirmation that she just get kicks from playing with people, the most insightful part was definitely seeing Asa and Yoru’s reaction to the fame.

We see that Asa feels happy over the fame, even if she denies it, and even Yoru admits that it feels soothing, like a need being met, fulfilling. This isn’t surprising at all, after all the whole of Yoru’s goal is to become relevant again, for people to fear her once more, to know of her, and she’s insecure over being called dumb and whatnot: she craves recognition, wants power so she can make people see her wether it be through inspiring awe or inflicting suffering and destruction. Asa has struggled a lot with feeling like she was invisible, or worse, being seen and getting negative attention, being bullied and judged and seen as dumb, annoying, ugly, boring, useless, someone who always messes up and can’t do anything right, worthless. She is afraid of the spotlight, but we’ve seen that she wants it as well, notably inside the aquarium, in that blissful moment when everyone was cheering her for having her phone. So of course, getting such widespread attention, praise, validation, when she hadn’t even intended for it, when she was just being herself and doing her own thing, it’s like being accepted for once. Being seen, and being loved, not only from a small group like a class but on a wide scale.

Of course, for both of them, such recognition and fame is only a substitute for meaningful human relationships, and it can’t replace those. I think it’s actually very lucky that Asa and Yoru have each other currently, it’s good to be reminded that for how much Asa is alone and isolated currently, she was so even more before Yoru, and Yoru similarly doesn’t seem like she had anyone, rotting away i alleyways losing strength more and more over time. Asa seems to want to keep a cool head over the fame to be self-righteous, but is it more because she wants to keep a collected appearance or because she truly doesn’t want to be sidetracked and be swept away?

Either way, I think it’s interesting that she recenters herself by reminding themselves that she’s doing it for Chainsaw Man. In a way, her goal then is something like a human relationship like I mentioned. Not that I think she thinks she’d get to get closer to Chainsaw Man or something, but that she’s motivated by something akin to selflessness, for someone that means a lot to her. A lot to Yoru too. Yoru sees Chainsaw Man as the one who took away her recognition, who stole her thunder, by eating atomic bombs out of existence, meanwhile Asa sees Chainsaw Man as one of the first people who saw her, who talked to her at her lowest and looked at her at her filthiest, and decided that she was worth something, worth protecting. I’m getting sidetracked here but ough!! Let’s just hope Asa doesn’t lose sight of that interpersonal relationship that he inspired her to pursue, gave her the courage to do so, because of easy and fickle validation from fame, is what I’m trying to say.

On Denji’s end, things seem to keep getting worse, even as they… Kinda get better? It turns out the woman is an ally and not an enemy, but Denji seems disappointed by their fight being discontinued, losing the rush he’s so acquainted to. He can’t be Chainsaw Man anymore, right, but he could still fight as Denji, except… It’s not necessary, he’s protected and people have it covered. He loses a possible love interest and enemy as she turns out to be something more like a colleague if anything, their relationship becoming professional and distant by nature, himself making a comment about that. She says that she likes/admires him because he’s Chainsaw Man and Denji is stunned, is it because that attention is a crumb of recognition, recognition that he used to be center stage for all the time just not long ago? Or is it because he’s "Chainsaw Man" in her eyes, because even as she speaks to him the crumbs of validation are directed at Chainsaw Man and not Denji, because he lost the opportunity to have a genuine connection as himself. Fame gives and even as it does, it takes away.

It’s very possible that Denji feels jealous of Asa in the posters scene. Not only does she get to fight devils and do what he’s not allowed to do anymore, but she also gets to do it with her name and her face public. While he was told times and times again that he couldn’t have his identity be public for his safety, Asa gets to do it freely wothout repercussion (thus far), she gets to be liked as herself. But moreso, I feel like the scene’s about loss. With Asa rising up in fame, Denji will have to keep hearing about her and her exploits, not only as a reminder of not being able to be Chainsaw Man anymore but also a reminder of the girl he liked that he had to dump. He couldn’t keep Chainsaw Man, and he couldn’t keep Asa either. Things have possibly never been more normal for Denji’s daily life, and yet it is utterly miserable.

[thecorvidcurio-if]

For as long as you can remember, no one you've loved has ever lasted very long.

The moment you come to love someone, no matter the type of love, tragedy befalls you both. In a desperate attempt to escape this cycle you've been moving from place to place, uprooting any time you start getting too close. This new city shouldn't be any different. It wouldn't be any different, if not for your new neighbours.

The more time you spend around these bizarre people, the more obvious it becomes that there's a layer of reality you've previously been unaware of. As you discover more of what was previously hidden from you, though, it begs the question:

Is there something more to your tragic circumstances than an unfortunate run of bad luck? Could it be the result of some power you don't understand? If so, does that mean there's a way out of it?

Does that mean there's someone to blame for your suffering?

Or click here if the image link doesn't work.

PLEASE NOTE: This game is in very early development. Only the first two chapters are posted, the writing will be continuously revised as I write, and there may be bugs or glitches. If you run into any issues, please let me know.

Cursed Ambrosia is an interactive fiction novel that deals with topics of death, loss, and love. It's a supernatural fantasy with a focus on interpersonal connections. There are six relationship routes, two women, two men, and two non-binary options. All romance options will have a platonic route as well. More info on them under the cut.

Note: Though these characters are romanceable, you do not need to romance them to play out their routes. On the platonic route, you still get the same plot content, just minus the romantic bits.

Vicente - An exceedingly polite and seemingly put together man who values kindness and compassion, but struggles to accept those things himself. He's keen to look after others and encourage them to accept help, yet insists on handling his own troubles alone.

Abby - An overwhelmingly enthusiastic and eccentric "person" who values curiosity and freedom, but struggles with moderation. He has more energy than he or anyone else knows what to do with. He's got a talent for mischief and is incapable of going very long without causing trouble, intentionally or not.

Kaida - A bitterly jaded and taciturn fellow who values knowledge and secrecy, but struggles to trust others. He's always many steps ahead of everyone else, and always knows more than he lets on. He's someone very useful to know... Or, he would be, if anyone could get a straight answer from him about anything.

Marina - An unapologetically loud and rambunctious woman who values rebellion and individuality, but struggles to let her guard down. She's brilliant, but easily bored. If you tell her she can't or shouldn't do something, it's just about guaranteed she'll be doing that thing in the near future.

Thea - A theatrically elegant and captivating woman who values loyalty and honesty above all else. On the job she's glamorous and confident, captivating any who hear her hypnotic voice. Off the job, though, she's something much different, and hopes to find someone who can appreciate both sides of her.

Shiloh - A cripplingly shy and skittish entity of uncertain origin who values privacy and comfort, but struggles to leave the safety of what it knows. Shiloh enjoys observing others interacting, and lives vicariously through witnessing the connections other people form with each other. It is quite sure that it will never manage to make such connections itself.

[the-perfect-wagnerite-again]

Is homosexuality a boon or a curse?

I think in the grand scheme of things historically, it's probably more of a curse. But in this isolated instance of modernity, it's probably more of a boon.

I'm not the kind of guy who could ever bury his sexuality and endure a heterosexual lifestyle for the sake of a family, because I don't think that's honest. I'd be doing a disservice to my wife especially, who would deserve a partner that could cross the divide between the sexes and join with her in full complimentarity. I can't do that, so I'd never try to just "make it work" with a woman.

That said, I think in the particular context of our present cultural and political moment, (male) homosexuality is undeniably a boon. The economy of meaningful sexual relationships (and the norms informing it) is heavily weighted against men. With every passing year, women are given more and more license to act out of pure self-interest, no matter how short-sighted or destructive that self-interest might be. Men are expected to not only stomach this childishness but also enthusiastically celebrate it, all while being reminded from all angles and at all times that any dissatisfaction they experience is entirely the result of their own inadequacy. This effeminization is felt at nearly all social stratas, such that even the most earnest of self-proclaimed "trad" girls of today will still empathize with their own personal Edna Pontelliers and Nora Helmers, and men who find that distasteful just have to man-up more.

At least once a week, I have heterosexual male friends approach me to vent and seek advice for the seemingly nonsensical behaviors they encounter from their partners, girlfriends, and potential love interests. Complaints of female vapidness, shallowness, self-centeredness, and incapacity for introspection are common, and I'm at least honest enough to let my friends know when they're being stupid or immature themselves. But overwhelmingly, the dysfunction between the sexes is entirely the fault of women. Emotional outbursts, asymmetrical expectations of propriety, and episodes of impatience and selfishness are commonplace behaviors in modern women, all of which are buttressed by the ridiculous and astroturfed assumption that women are somehow more "emotionally mature" than men, that men are stupider and less-developed by default.

There is a sense of entitlement that penetrates all interpersonal interactions with women. A woman is entitled to the respect of her partner, both in word and deed, though her respect must be earned. A woman is entitled to her feelings, no matter how insipid, and questioning their validity is a form of emotional assault. A woman is entitled to full arbitership of a relationship's trajectory; if her partner disagrees, then she's entitled to leave because she can do better. A woman is entitled to know what she's "worth," and at the same time cast judgment on any man who dares not meet her expectations. And let's not forget that illuminating AITA poll from a while back, and all of the moral prescriptions the girlies were pronouncing on the evils of honesty and the "nuance" of cheating and lying.

The (sane) male homosexual observes all of this with a mixture of amusement and sadness. We're a safe distance from the blast radius of female behavior, but our male companions toil away at its center, trying to deduce the correct wire to cut. It's impossible to not sympathize with my male friends as they struggle to make heads or tails of women's behavior, because so much of the dysfunction they experience would be incomprehensible with another man (though gays bring plenty of their own dysfunction, to be sure). I can't count the number of times my guy friends have said some variation of the phrase "I almost envy the fact that you're gay, you don't have to deal with XYZ."

If I was given the power to snap my fingers and become straight right now, I would not do it. Roll us back 100 years or so, and my answer would likely be different.

[just-aro]

📚

Oh, you got a spicy one. cws abound for Christianity, right-wing authoritarianism, and white supremacy!

Now, I'm gonna be real - I have no idea how good or bad this book is, but the ratings are high and it certainly sounds interesting as a look at the rise of right wing evangelical attitudes in the US, which seem uh, unfortunately pertinent right now. I love challenging books that bring me through the history of the elements of culture we love to ignore or struggle to talk about, especially from the perspective of having once been an autistic child who, upon reaching the age of around 7, accidentally discovered that christianity was not supposed to be the adult version of pretend, as we'd been assuming. whoops.

we've read a few books along similar, but very different lines this year.

This was, perhaps, the most relevant. I found that the writing style feels... hm, like a particularly privileged white man who wants to care about minorities, but worries that's not neutral enough for publishing. However, the historical elements, interviews, and genuine interpersonal relationships he claims to have throughout the book do shed some serious light on the justice system - and extreme lack of justice involved - in the US today. I struggled to continue at times, even as I found the factual elements fascinating.

on a different note, if you want a disenfranchised USAmerican journalist who is just absolutely refreshingly honest about his background, his experience with American culture, and also relevant facts about what led to the white supremacy movements of today? oh have I got my 5/5 star book this year for you:

Seriously, I cannot even begin to tell you how much I loved this book. Michael Harriot does not let you forget that he is a Black man, with all that entails, in America. He tells you the history as it is, in modern AAVE, and he does so unapologetically. You will hear the story of Black Americans from their own mouth, and he isn't shy to tell you what he thinks about the assholes, the morally dubious, and the do-gooders, and what their real effects throughout history turned out to be.

I truly have to say, this is one you'll want to give yourself time to process as you read, but oh gosh was it just... good. You're not going to be hit over the head with terrible crimes at every moment, because this is not written in an impartial voice. You will be told by someone who feels deeply about the humanity of those harmed. You will be given intermissions, lighthearted anecdotes, and space to process as you go, but it is NOT a lighthearted read. I really, really recommend this.

[twosentencereviews]

Male friendship vs gay romance

Browsing the #arcane tag after the season 2 finale, I noticed something. There are a lot of posts highlighting both Vi x Cait, and Jayce x Viktor, with their respective story arc conclusions. There are even some posts with semi-ironic questions like "which is more gay", nodding to the fact that Vi x Cait feature an incredibly steamy sex scene, while Viktor and Jayce instead have a deep interpersonal, even magical, connection. Several artists have taken it upon themselves to draw a Jayce x Viktor kiss which never happened.

And this…bothers me, for something I'm going to call the "Frodo x Sam" trope, which can be stated thusly:

Any expression of emotional intimacy between men will be interpreted by the audience as homoerotic.

Or, less formally: "Having feelings is gay".

Let's talk about this.

The first observation to make is that spotting queer-coding in media is a deeply ingrained practice in LGBT spaces, and Tumblr in specific. This is not unfounded, and, in fact, is thoroughly justified by historical context of "wink-nudge" queercoding to get around censorship.

The question, though, is what is, and what is not, homosexual coding. Why do communities look at some fictional male-male relationships and say "that's gay" while other relationships are not? What actual difference does that imply for the characters?

The ancient Greeks recognized love as falling under many different categories. These ideas are backed up by modern understanding of neurochemistry and psychology. The Greek ludus (flirting), eros (passion), and mania are the early phase of romantic love, dictated by the neurotransmitters of adrenaline, serotonin, and dopamine. This is the spark and the fire of love, resulting in experiences that are thrilling, euphoric, and addictive.

But the Greeks also recognized many forms of non-romantic love, including philia (intimate frienship), pragma (compromising and acceptance), and storge (supportive protectiveness). These are dominated by the neurotransmitter oxytocin. This kind of love is about trust, belonging, and obligation. It's the near-telepathic understanding between a decades-long married couple, or a mother's protective instinct towards her child…or the warmth between two best friends who share their secrets and support each other.

Getting to that state of stable, deep connection and trust requires going through some kind of emotional trial, where intense emotions are revealed and validated repeatedly. A romantic relationship is one such situation. But, any sufficiently intense experience could be enough; a war, a disease, a disaster.

And, as it turns out, the conditions experienced by your typical fantasy action-adventure protagonist duo is more than enough. The author creates a situation of emotional intensity, shows a pair of protagonists struggling visibly through that, and proves the bond between them is strong enough to overcome all threats and achieve victory.

And then, if the pair is male/female, they often kiss in the finale. It's just kind of assumed that, if a man and a woman work well as a team and are emotionally supportive, that they are automatically an item. This is why so many people were surprised at the end of Pacific Rim when Raleigh and Mako just hug, and don't kiss. You mean this heterosexual duo of attractive people that just went through a harrowing ideal together and forged a bond of emotional intimacy aren't romantically in love with each other??

Now take an example where the protagonist duo isn't male-female, but is instead male-male. We have a cultural idiom of queer-coding and -decoding, where gayness is inferred more than it is stated. And we have the neurocognitive dynamics of love and trust, where the trials of a fantasy adventure are engineered by the author to create a high-oxytocin state of philia between them. So of course people will see Frodo and Sam go through Mordor together, tearfully decompressing as the giant eagles swoop in, and read that as homoerotic.

Here's the problem, though. Toxic masculinity means that in the real world, where men are not commonly pushed into life-or-death, save-the-world adventures, male-male friendships are fucking hard. Male loneliness is an epidemic, and a threat.

Men are conditioned, literally from birth, to believe that asking for emotional support is a failure of masculinity. Ask a cishet man when the last time he cried was--for many of us, it's been a decade or more. I guarantee that every man has had something in his life in that time that was worth crying over; a lost job, a death of a pet or loved one, any number of humiliations or injuries sustained in life. Losing the ability to express sorrow over one's losses is scarring.

Men will, under duress, ask for practical assistance, like moving a couch. But men do not, as a rule, confide their fears and insecurities with other men. Wives get frustrated when they turn to their husbands for emotional support, only for the man to try to "solve the problem" rather than listening and empathizing. That's the only context men are trained to handle.

But queer people don't have this same stigma. Or, more accurately, being a gay man already pushes one far enough outside masculine normativity that other conventions break down as well. A gay man bursting into tears at the end of an emotional movie is seen as, if not normal, at least consistently abnormal. The trope of the "gay best friend" as an emotionally supportive, non-threatening companion is likewise well-established.

This means that when two men in fiction have a close bond with a high degree of emotional intimacy, their masculinity is put into question. Watching a man having a tearful emotional breakdown in full view of another man is…unsettling. I think there's a need to solve this cognitive dissonance, to explain away the outburst. Saying "he's gay" accomplishes that. This is the third pillar that creates the "Frodo x Sam" trope.

Circling back to Arcane, Vi and Cait have a full-on spicy depiction of their relationship reaching its, uh, climax. But Jayce and Viktor are never explicitly shown to be romantic, not even kissing, even with an obvious opportunity to do so. As such, the default reading of the text would be to say that Jayce and Viktor are just friends--really, really, really close friends.

Choosing to instead read Jayce and Viktor as homoerotic is to assume Riot would use wildly different levels of text vs subtext in these two relationships. That is, sadly, plausible. Depictions of lesbian sex often gets a pass under the "male gaze" exception (see: Black Swan), a freedom not extended to sodomy. And besides, texts belong to their readers, what Riot intended isn't necessarily what they created. If you want to read Jayce x Viktor as gay, or anything else, no one has the authority to tell you that you're wrong, least of all some random guy on Tumblr.

But I would please ask, as you're building your headcanons, to consider; what would it mean for the characters if Jayce and Viktor (or Vander and Silco, or Frodo and Sam) were, in fact, not gay? What would it mean, for our cultural understanding of masculinity in general, to say that it is okay for men to have relationships with other men that are just as intense, or more so, as those they have with women? What would it mean for everyone if we acknowledge the existence and value of all love, even that which is not tied to romance or sexuality?