#love LOVE me religious following to the point of destruction

[ind1c0lite]

thoughts on OFF? (:

FIRST OFF I LOVED IT, I adore the designs of the characters so much they're all so fucking weird but work so well and juST FUCK I'm gonna have to learn how to draw cats aren't I

After I got the first ending I just sat in silence listening to the credits song contemplating life and like- everything that had just happened

Like you finish the battle and3 then boom you're left to live with ur regrets during the credits and I LOVE it and i doesn't matter which ending u pick cause u destroyed everything and there is truly nothing left, just regret

I also really like the world building in the game, it's so weird and visceral but man is it so so good

That final section of the game (The room) is far by my favourite cause MAN, what the fuck

I also really like how the game uses the player as a character in the game, like you have the choice to just fully kill the batter in the end, The batter fully knowing that without us, he can't finish what he started at alll and I REALLY liked that option, it's not something I've seen ever outside of this game and I feel like it needs to be used more HGJKH (or maybe it has and I just haven't been paying attention idk HKJLJ)

Amazing game, I can absolutely see why it was so influential, I would love to play it again in french to see how much I can understand fhjgkh, I don't- Fully understand the story though I guess that's the point to not have everything spelt out HJGKHL

There's probably stuff I've missed, like a lot tbh I didn't explore the purified zones that much cause they scared me HJGKHLJ

[ugh-yoongi]

hang up if u want to | kmg

he's in japan. you're at home, knowing there's no point in staring at your phone, waiting. mingyu might not wanna define what the two of you are, but that certainly doesn't stop him from asking for what he wants.

pairing: idol!mingyu x f. reader genre: situationship au; a lil angst, smut warnings: swearing. sexting — use of gendered terms for genitalia, mentions of oral and penetrative sex, masturbation, images/videos, dirty talk i guess?, squirting. one mention of reader wearing a dress. another mention of reader wearing mingyu’s shirt and it being large on her. (not meant to be an indication of size—that mf is just so large i think most people would drown in his clothes.) mingyu is domineering and kind of brat tamer-y but i wouldn't say this is dom-y at all. he also uses the term "baby" a lot bc i refuse to use y/n. rating: explicit. minors dni. wordcount: 3.6k listen to: namasenda - dare (pm) / khalid, 6lack, ty dolla $ign - otw / keshi - like i need u / edward maya & vika jigulina - stereo love / monsta x - addicted / brockhampton - sugar / shy martin - good together author's note: hello, i barely text men let alone sext them, so if this sucks my bad. i'm also not 100% comfy for writing any groups outside of bts, so i'm also sorry if the characterization is off. the mingyu brainrot was brainrotting tho bc if there's one thing he's gonna do it's look hot holding his phone in a photo, so. here we are. i was gonna wait and post this tomorrow but it's valentine's day so fuck it we ball. thank you: @the-boy-meets-evil, @hot-soop, & @effortandmore for checking this over and brainstorming with me. namasenda for the lyrics in the title and inspo.

Kim Mingyu Missed Call (2)

Your eyes glance upwards at the time. It’s nearing one a.m.; Mingyu’s second call came and went only a few minutes ago. The first one will have come not long after he got off stage, because they always do. There’s a script—unspoken and unacknowledged, but a script nonetheless—and Mingyu follows it religiously.

You sigh. Leave your phone on your nightstand as you change into pajamas, back into the bathroom to wash your face. Roll your eyes as you hear the texts roll in, the sound grating and ominous as it vibrates against the wood.

All part of the script.

Kim Mingyu: just got back to the hotel Kim Mingyu: you up

Also part of the script: this is the only way it goes. Maybe Mingyu wants to text you, but adrenaline’s the only reason he ever goes through with it. That post-concert high, nothing else to do with all that energy but invest it into you, and the thing about scripts is that they get old, grow stale. Always the same thing, and you can only have that conversation so many times before you get tired and rip it up.

We all have roles to play. Mingyu is the one who refuses to define what it is the two of you have, put a label on it. He’s the one who calls from countries away and speaks in that low, hushed tone. He’s the tempter, the one who holds all the cards but refuses to lay them down.

A royal flush, every single time.

And you—you’re not helpless. Not some poor creature fighting for its life in a spun-silk web. Mingyu’s capable of devouring you in more ways than one, but it’s not like that. Not really. As laissez-faire as he is, you come and go as you please, too. Perhaps it’s as mutually beneficial as it is destructive, but that’s the nature of the production; the result of the roles you two of you play.

Kim Mingyu: you ignoring me? Kim Mingyu: i saw your ig story Kim Mingyu: knock it off baby

You smile, private and sardonic, because you aren’t helpless. Sometimes it’s your web, and it’s all Mingyu can do to keep his head above water. Another role you’d borrowed from someplace else but still have memorized. Still remember all the lines, the mannerisms.

On your story: a video of you, bare skin glittering beneath the golden-fluorescent light of your bathroom; you, with your dress unzipped, the straps slipping down your arms; your hand pressed to your chest to keep yourself covered. Your back turned to the camera, visible only in the mirror, as the silk dropped to the floor.

In the settings: only two accounts given permission to see, both belonging to the same person.

In your DMs: Mingyu, on his private account with the username that looks more like a keysmash than any legible thing, reacting with the fire emoji.

Related: the image hovering just above Mingyu’s texts. The one he’d repaid you with not long after seeing your story. A mirror selfie of his own: grey sweatpants hung low on his hips, a soaked-through white t-shirt stuck to his stomach, the lines of his abs visible.

That, and everything below it—all left unanswered.

The thing about Mingyu is he’ll give chase. Doesn’t shy away from all the things he wants; isn’t shy about giving voice to them.

But he’ll never, ever beg.

(Not like this, at least. When he’s in your bed it’s always a different story. He’s a kept man, there, and kept men have no qualms about things like that. Begging for your mouth, your pussy. Begging you to let him come.)

Normally you’d let it go. Let him talk to himself in your texts, because he’s got a lot of nerve if nothing else, but you’d gone out earlier. Grabbed a few drinks with your girlfriends, let the alcohol thrum through you like a livewire. Watched as they danced with men whose names they didn’t know and never learned and thought about what it’d be like to be able to do something like that in public.

Got home, felt a little scorned, just on the edge of bitter. Made a show of taking your dress off in the bathroom mirror and posted it someplace you knew he’d look.

You: did you like it?

Rhetorical. Mingyu may not want to put a label on this thing, might not want to be caged-in and suffocated, but you know what you do to him. All the ways you affect him.

i could tell you, comes the immediate reply, and your eyes are halfway rolled when—

Kim Mingyu: or i could show you

It takes a second to come through, but once it does your breath hitches in your throat. Far from the most obscene image he’s ever sent you, but just as effective. An expanse of tanned, soft skin, lean muscle; still in those same grey sweats, bunched up a little on the thigh as he lays in his plush hotel bed with his legs spread.

At the center of it all, the outline of his hard, thick cock, so fucking big as it stretches the fabric taut.

All you can do is stare.

Mingyu is not of this earth. This thought is nothing new: he has always existed outside the realm of possibility, in more ways than one, so this is merely a fact. Grass is green, the sky is blue, sometimes you can love someone in a way that’s so overwhelming and still be no good for them.

Another fact: it’s primal, the way you need him. Always has been.

You: what am i looking at? You: new sweatpants?

On the other end of the line, it’s easy to imagine his reaction. A quick snort of laughter, tongue pressed into the fat of his cheek before he clenches his jaw. If he were here, he’d haul you into his lap, kiss you deep and messy. Trail his fingers along your skin until they settled in the hollow of your throat.

Pull away just for a second. Just long enough to say, “Watch your mouth,” before he’s licking into it.

Kim Mingyu: don’t be like that 🙄

This time your eyes fully roll. Spitefully, you snap a picture of what’s in front of you: your bedroom wall, some drama playing on the TV, a sliver of amber light from the lamp next to you.

You send it.

You: while we’re sending pictures of irrelevant shit

Truth be told, you’re not like this often, but you get a streak of it every now and then. Only ever at times like this, when the two of you haven’t seen one another in a while and the distance between you is still so ambiguous, untitled.

Usually Mingyu will come by your place. Get you stripped down to almost nothing, have you writhing on his fingers. Then, in between satisfied groans, he’ll slap at your thighs, tell you to stop being a brat.

Kim Mingyu: then send me something worthwhile You: you first

Another beat of silence. Long enough to flick through the channels, plug in your phone, let some of that heat dissipate.

Your phone chimes, and when you look down—

Those grey sweats are long gone, replaced with a pair of black briefs barely containing his cock, still hard and curved toward his stomach. You swallow. Let your eyes linger on the corded muscle of his thighs, all that soft skin. Let your mind remind you, just for a second, how it feels beneath your fingertips, your hands, your mouth.

All the sounds he makes.

Kim Mingyu: is that better Kim Mingyu: is that what you wanted

Unbidden, the corners of your mouth lift. hm… close but no, you type out. Let it sit for a few seconds before you delete it. If Mingyu wants to be a tease, you can do the same.

You situate yourself against the pillows. Angle your phone so the length of your body is visible: your bare legs twisted in the sheets, the bruise Mingyu had sucked into the inside of your thigh before he left just barely making it into the frame. What’s fully visible, though: his shirt that’s draped over your frame, how much it engulfs you, the way you’re drowning in it. In him.

You send it.

You: depends... is this what you wanted?

The response is immediate:

Kim Mingyu: absolutely not. take it off baby.

You’ve starred in this production before, knew where it was headed the second you saw the missed calls, so you’d put on his favorite of your underwear. Skimpy red lace, part of a set he’d had sent to your apartment. Used to tell you in desperate whispers how ruined he was seeing you in them; used to have to rein himself in so he didn’t rip them off.

So you snap another photo. Spread your legs a little further, pull the hem of Mingyu’s shirt between your teeth. Know seeing that sliver of your stomach will drive him crazy, too, but it’ll pale in comparison to the underwear.

You consider video calling him. Want to see his face when you send this photo—the pinch of his brows, the slight drop of his jaw. The way he’ll whimper a little, say baby in that tone that floods you with heat: a little desperate, all hushed awe, bordering on a whine.

The same kind of heat that starts to creep back in again. There’s power in desire, in being desired, and even though you’re here and Mingyu’s in a hotel room in Japan, you can still feel it. Subconscious, like some kind of red string shit. Anticipatory.

Kim Mingyu: goddamn Kim Mingyu: you wear those for me? Kim Mingyu: fuck, i wish i was there to take them off of you

You suck in a breath. and if you were? you send back.

Kim Mingyu: you know that pair is my favorite Kim Mingyu: drives me crazy every time you wear that set Kim Mingyu: but i’ve changed my mind. i want you to keep them on Kim Mingyu: want you to keep my shirt on too You: yeah? you want me to wear your shirt while you fuck me? pull my panties to the side? Kim Mingyu: slow down baby, i’m taking my time with you

In your bed, you snort to yourself. Mingyu has never been patient with anything, but especially not with you. Most of the time he’s so keyed up, wound so tight, that it’s all the two of you can do to make it to your bed—and sometimes you don’t. Sometimes Mingyu puts all that body to use, presses your back to the wall and throws your legs over his shoulders as he eats you out. Wraps your legs around him as he fucks you right there, the slide so, so easy with how wet and messy he gets you.

You remind him of as much. Type out, you? taking your time? i’ve got a couple walls in my entryway that would say differently, and laugh when the reply comes through—can’t help myself sometimes—and promptly stop laughing at the next one: never can, with you.

Kim Mingyu: have i ever told you what i love the most? Kim Mingyu: just kissing you. you always taste so good, baby Kim Mingyu: the way you get so worked up and start grabbing at me when i’m doing it. the way you try to get me to touch you. the way you start grinding your pussy on me like you can’t go another second without me inside you

You feel like you’re on fire. Gets worse with every word you read and re-read, try to commit to memory. You know it all too well, what he’s talking about. Know how warm his skin is, how firm he feels under your touch. Know what he tastes like. How soft his lips are. The way he sounds when you start to writhe, the way he groans when he presses tighter against you, presses you into the mattress, hard cock rutting against you, enough to take the edge off but nowhere near what he needs.

You: love that too You: love when you’re inside me even more

Kim Mingyu: me too baby Kim Mingyu: love the way you feel around me Kim Mingyu: always so fucking tight Kim Mingyu: ffuck

Your stomach drops at his last message. are you touching yourself? you type, even though you already know the answer. Another sight you’re blessed to know: Mingyu’s hand wrapped around himself, how the size of his cock makes it look small in comparison. Head tilted back, abs flexing under the weight of the pleasure.

You get a singular character in reply: 응.

show me.

He doesn’t respond right away. The pause is enough to have anticipation thrumming through your veins, make you a little shaky. Your hand trembles as you trace patterns into your warm, soft skin, pretending it’s Mingyu’s touch and not your own. Pretend it’s Mingyu’s hand that grabs at your breast beneath his shirt, thumbs over your nipple; Mingyu’s touch that has soft gasps escaping you. Pretend it’s Mingyu’s hand that dips beneath the hem of your panties.

Kim Mingyu Attachment: 1 Movie

On the screen: Mingyu’s face greets you first, eyes half-lidded and hazy, the corners of his mouth lifted in a smirk. He tilts his head back, lets you see the sweat-slick skin of his neck, the column of his throat; pans the camera down over his collar bones, his bare chest, before he flips the screen. Can barely fit the entirety of his frame in the shot, and it strikes you someplace deep, how big he is. How overwhelming.

You suck in a breath as your eyes focus—as you take in the way he’s stroking himself. His cock glistens with whatever lube he’d indulged in, but you can’t help but pretend it’s from you and your mouth. Wish you could see the way he’d touch himself as you sucked him nearly to orgasm and told him to finish himself off. The way he’d whine, beg a little, get a little shitty with you.

“Fuck,” you say out loud. You can feel your pupils blow at the thought.

“Jagiya,” comes Mingyu’s voice, intertwined with the sounds of the tv, a city so far away from you, “fuck, I’m so fu-fucking hard.”

If you’d thought you were on fire before, it’s nothing compared to now. Hearing the need in his voice, watching the way he’s touching himself. The way his hips stutter as his body seeks out more, more, more, always more, and the way he squeezes the base of his cock so he doesn’t come too soon.

“Wish it was you. Wish it was you touching me like this. I—fuck, need you so bad.”

You watch as Mingyu strokes over the head of his cock, as each subsequent pass gets more tacky and wet. Lick your lips at the sight of it. Want, more than anything, to get your mouth on him and taste the salt of his skin, the precome he’s jerking himself off with.

Before he even needs to ask, you start recording a video of your own. Leave your panties on because you know he’d want you to. Record the first pass of your fingers through your slick, let out a disbelieving little laugh at how wet you are, how you can hear it. Moan as you dip a finger into your cunt, just to the first knuckle. Say, “I’m so wet, Gyu, oh my god,” all breathy.

Not all that different from how you sound when he’s here. When he’s flesh and blood and right beside you, on top of you.

You use the wetness you’ve gathered and move your hand to your clit. It’s throbbing beneath your touch, your body already wound too tight, and you nearly hiss in oversensitivity and relief when you finally touch yourself the way you’ve wanted to. “Fuck.”

You force yourself to take your time. Slow, small circles, when everything in your body is screaming to be selfish, begging for release the same way Mingyu’s had.

“Should I finger myself?” you ask. A sharp inhale as your next pass has your toes curling. “Wo-won’t feel as good as you, but I need—need more.”

Before you cut the video, you zoom in a little. Make sure Mingyu will be able to see the way you’re touching yourself, be able to hear the sound of your arousal, the same sounds that have warmth blooming in your cheeks.

Kim Mingyu: jesusf fuck Kim Mingyu: god baby youre so hto Kim Mingyu: wanna see you finger yourself Kim Mingyu: please

It’s a little embarrassing, how incapable you are of denying him anything. You trust him implicitly, love him even more, so it’s second nature to give in, to adjust your phone so you don’t have to hold it. Second nature to press record, pull your panties to the side just like you’d proposed earlier; second nature to make a show of sticking two fingers in your mouth, sucking on them, before bringing them to your entrance and easing them inside.

Nothing compared to the stretch of Mingyu, both his fingers and his cock, but it’s still good. Enough to have you sighing softly, barely audible over the sound of everything else: the rustling of your sheets, the low thrum of your own television, you in general.

A rhythmic song and dance. Practiced. You grow wetter with each push and pull; know Mingyu will be able to see it, the way you work yourself open. That, too, has you a little dizzy. Breathless. You wonder what he sees when he looks at you. Not only like this, but all the time. Does he see an expiration date? Something good while it lasted? Is there just this—something carnal and superficial?

Or does he just see you?

It drives you crazy. Inspires something within you: not just the desire to please him, make it worth his while, but to be something else, something more than this. Has your fingers moving a little faster, has you grinding your clit against the palm of your hand. Has you a whining, writhing mess; has sounds spilling out that you aren’t sure you’ve ever heard come out of you.

You send it before you can overthink it. Whatever Mingyu sees in you, at least these are the images that’ll play in his mind whenever he thinks of you. At least you’ve sunk your claws into him.

Seconds pass in a blur. You’re still on the brink of a mind-numbing orgasm, stuck in this liminal space simply because Mingyu isn’t here, and you know, too, how this goes. Know you aren’t supposed to come without his say-so in the same way he edges himself until he gets yours.

Kim Mingyu: shit shit shit Kim Mingyu: i wish that was me. wanna take you apart like that. wanna finger you while i eat you out, make you squirt all over me again Kim Mingyu: fuck i thin k about that all the time Kim Mingyu: im gonna cum

I think about that all the time.

So do you. You, on your hands and knees, Mingyu eating you out from behind. Bracing yourself against the headboard with one arm, the other one reaching behind you to pull at his hair. You remember how relentless he’d been that night. A man possessed. Disregarded all your breathless pleas, every Mingyu, Gyu, fuck, fuck, Mingyu, baby— that left your mouth. His tongue left your pussy only long enough to say, you can take it, baby before he was right back at it. Before he worked in two fingers alongside his mouth. Before his free hand came down hard on your ass, the sting startling you, making you jerk, forcing you closer to his mouth.

You remember coming with a scream. You remember coming to with Mingyu’s lips to your neck, the sweet way he was speaking to you. You remember the knee-jerk embarrassment you felt when you saw the giant wet spot you’d left on the bed and how quickly it dissipated when Mingyu pressed a kiss to your temple, called you his good girl.

You: you can come, but you know the rule

You move your fingers back to your clit, feel all that pleasure flood back, start in your toes. It’s not long before you’re pulling a blistering orgasm from your body—one that feels like it belongs to Mingyu, wasn’t yours for the taking.

thank you, he replies, right beneath a photo of his abs streaked with cum.

The comedown is jarring. You feel both too big for your body and completely out of sorts now that you’ve fulfilled your role. Now that there’s nothing to do but sit in the stillness of your bedroom, that same drama playing on television, some girl getting her heart broken.

You wonder if Mingyu’s thinking the same. If his body also sags with relief, if the absence of all that tension feels crushing. If the first thought he has in this newfound clarity is also I love you and if he also swallows it down every single time. You wonder if he thinks about his role, if it’s becoming stale and tired.

Because you know what comes next:

Kim Mingyu: i’ll be home soon Kim Mingyu: can i see you

And you also know what you’ll say. After all, you’ve played this role before.

if you've made it this far thank you so much for reading! this is prob not my best work since it's a lil rushed but i needed something to get me out of my slump.

i would love to hear your thoughts! <3

[literaryvein-reblogs]

Writing Notes: Allegory

Allegory - a story that alludes to other literary works or comments on common conditions of life.

When a work or its passages are allegorical, they are similar to an event, character or setting in a story that is universally known: a fable, a parable in the Bible, or a Greek myth.

Allegories have 2 levels of narration occurring at the same time: the actual events, characters and setting presented in the story, and the ideas they are intended to convey or the significance they bear.

3 Literary Forms that you might use when discussing allegory:

Fable. A fable is a short story, often featuring animals with human traits, to which writers attach morals or explanations.

Parable. Parables are most often associated with Jesus Christ, who used them in His teachings. They are short narratives that exemplify religious truths or insights.

Myth. Myths are stories, either short or long, that are often associated with religion and philosophy and with various races and cultures. They embody the social and cultural values of the civilization during which they were written.

When writing about allegory, determine whether all or part of the story is allegorical.

Sustained allegory. This occurs when a story’s allegory continues throughout the work, from beginning to end. The sole purpose is to convey the dominant idea. The idea is emphasized rather than the story’s actual (literal) details. For example, The Pilgrim’s Progress is a story about Christian’s difficult journey from his home in the City of Destruction to his new home in the Heavenly City. But the main idea is about the rigors and trials of Christian life.

Episodic allegory. This occurs when a story contains an allegorical episode or passage. The passage is based on both the actual (literal) events in the story and the allegorical elements. For example, during one scene in the film Star Wars, Darth Vader imprisons Luke Skywalker, and Skywalker must exert all his skill and strength to get free and to overcome Vader. This temporary imprisonment signifies those moments of doubt and discouragement that people experience while trying to overcome obstacles. Similar heroic deeds have been represented allegorically in the stories of Jason and the Argonauts and Beowulf and Grendel.

When analyzing allegory, ask yourself the following questions:

The application of allegory. Does the allegory (fable, parable, myth) refer to anything or anyone specific? Does it refer to an action or particular period of history? Or does the allegory refer to human tendencies or ideas? Does it illustrate, point by point, particular philosophies or religions? If the allegory seems outdated, how much can be applied for people living today?

The consistency of allegory. Is the allegory maintained consistently throughout the work, or is it intermittently used? Explain and detail this use.

Do extra reading and research:

To understand allegorical implications in a story, you have to become familiar with the source of the similarities.

Allegorical sources include world history, classic works of literature, and archetypal ideas, such as the “quest” or “coming of age.”

You might need to use a dictionary, encyclopedia, or other reference book. For example, you would not recognize that the musical West Side Story is allegorical unless you were aware of its similarities to a classic work of literature: Romeo and Juliet. Thus, to see certain implications in West Side Story, you have to have a general grasp of Shakespeare’s play.

Remember: As long as the similarities are close and consistent, your allegorical interpretations of the story will be valid.

If these writing notes help with your poem/story, do tag me. Or send me a link. I'd love to read them!

[balkanradfem]

The christian side of tumblr found a post where I made a little joke about how religion puts women into servitude and it's going around gathering bible quotes and arguing whether this is about christianity or other religions x_x I never thought this day would come.. I didn't think christians were on here. And even though the majority of people arguing are christians, I never wrote down 'christianity', I meant all abrahamic religions.

I'm itching to go argue but I know deep in my heart there is nothing to be gained. These people are eager to mock and personally attack whoever is disagreeing with them and that is not a honest intellectual discussion that I crave. I think if you're religious you just have to avoid thinking things like 'why is that so' and 'isn't that awfully convenient' and 'what if this promised thing fails to materialize' because once you start having those thoughts, the entire thing falls apart.

I remember being 15 and realizing that the christian god has no actual use of us, no point in caring about us whatsoever, and no incentive to pay attention to what we do or don't do, but humans very much have a need to believe in the higher power that works to their personal advantage, and that there's someone 'up there' who will make things alright for them, that they have a higher purpose and that if they follow certain rules it will pay out. And this was enough for me to figure out that god didn't create humans, but humans created god, because humans have a need of a god, while god has no need or use for humans at all.

It was only later when I learned about feminism that I realized it wasn't only that, but that it was specifically made to control, exploit and oppress women, praising them for endless servitude, sacrifice, submission and platitude, all while consistently telling them they're filled with sin and never good enough. It's now ghoulish and bizarre to me that the symbol of their faith is a m*n being brutally tortured, that what we feel is holy is endless suffering and pain and death. We're told to aspire for that. That has nothing to do with spirituality, nothing to do with human nature or healthy and happy human lives. It's a worship of death.

There are promises that religious people make towards women, to make them believe it's a path towards true love, or endless rewards for being 'faithful' and 'pure' or a life where they feel safe from disasters, safe from being abandoned and betrayed. There's nothing in life that can guarantee that. Religion can however, offer certain people a community, it can provide services where you come and listen to stories, and stories come with morals (convenient and confusing morals, but people love engaging with moral-type stories and feeling they've learned something), it provides rituals and celebrations that cultures have integrated in their life (after it destroyed the original rituals and celebrations, but we don't talk about that), and it can provide a common ground of understanding for people (sadly the common ground is that women exist to serve and that this is natural). Sometimes it also provides a feeling of superiority for some people, enabling them to mock, humiliate and patronize others for their 'lack of religion'.

So I understand there are community related reasons a person might feel safer within a religion and having this common ground and community, common beliefs, familiarity and stories, rituals and celebrations, it doesn't come off as a horrible thing, especially when the majority of the culture does it. But other things it brings are painful for women, and often hidden. Encouraging hidden suffering, sacrifice, servitude, centering torture and death, and admiration of torture and death, instead of celebrating nature, life, the world we live in and how we interact with it. Centering males as creators when everyone alive was created by women. Dismissing wars, rape, terrorism, weapons of mass destruction, genocides and male brutality, while endlessly shaming women for having feelings and not doing a good enough job pleasing the violent males. And generally making a hell for women when they have any thoughts about sexuality or lust.

I know me writing about it here will not have any effect on people personally attacking me for being ignorant and uneducated, but it feels good to write down the thoughts I've been having all day! Being forbidden from thinking in certain direction, forbidden from questioning my own beliefs, is something that plagued me for a big part of my life, and I will not have it anymore. I can say 'this is awfully convenient' when religions declare that m*n are leaders and women are supposed to follow and serve. I can say that putting up statues of a m*n dying in torture is fucked up and morbid. I can say that making me believe that I would go to hell, for not following every order I've been given, is a horrid thing to do to a female child. And I'm happy and grateful that I can think and say whatever I want, without any threat of damnation ever looming over me.

[gumbootillustrations]

i can fix him your honour *smacks him with the oc-ification hammer*

anyway. enjoy the babygirl-ification of aaron lycan. more stuff below the cut.

i love the idea of aaron. like, some guy whos hellbent on revenge learning to live and love outside of it?? and he finds not only love but a new home in someone else searching for the same thing after they've both lost so much??? UGH ITS SO GOOD. and then jesson fucking. fumbled it. SO BAD. im still mad abt it almost like. ten yrs later (how tf is diaries this old i swear it was still airing like last yr). so uh. ive tried to go in n fix him. i swear. but in the process a Lot of his backstory n stuff has been overhauled and im sorry to all the canon aaron truthers but the way that jesson handled his arc n stuff was God Awful and i hate it. so uh. yeah.

aaron shows up in ashes, ashes way earlier than he does in canon diaries - hes following the high priest's trail, and when he catches wind of him travelling to phoenix drop to officiate a wedding and track down his supposedly dead brother, he follows the rumours and shows up right after alexis is cursed. he forms a sort of truce with aph (although garroth is hesitant to trust him, given that he wants to murder his younger brother n garroth still believes that zane can be saved) and fucks off again until they meet up again when aph n co are snooping around pikoro trying to find lord luke so that she can sign a trade deal with him - aaron's (rightfully) convinced that zane has something to do with luke's disappearance, and once all that tomfoolery is settled, he decides to return to phoenix drop with aphmau, believing that the impending war will offer the best opportunity for him to finally kill zane.

as we all know, though, this... really doesn't go to plan. they get trapped in irene's cathedral - which is more of a labyrinth with religious imagery plastered everywhere - and it isn't aaron who lands the killing blow on his mortal enemy, but rather garroth, who gets possessed by esmund's relic. then, when they manage to escape thanks to zoey, ten years have passed and the cathedra of irene (the religious organisation that zane was in charge of as high priest) has all but collapsed. up until this point, all aaron has really been living for is destroying the cathedra, and with his job already done for him by the passage of time, he's now sort of... lost, is the best way i can really describe it. he decides to stick around in phoenix drop - although he doesn't really want to admit it, the people are nice, he's become friends with garroth and katelyn, and it's a safe place for him to stay while he figures out his next moves. it also doesn't help that aph keeps roping him into her adventures (although he secretly enjoys having something to do).

it's through these new connections that he learns to start opening up about his past; how he was raised as the heir to the lordship of a hunting town up north named falconclaw, how the cathedra ordered its destruction and the murder of all its people due to them allegedly being descended from shad, the destroyer, how he came back from a hunting trip to find all his family and friends dead, how the grief manifested in a long-dormant magick that causes anything he lays eyes on to disintegrate, only to be controlled by an enchanted blindfold given to him by a passing elf who took pity on him. over time, he learns to control his magick, leading to him starting to leave his blindfold off - a sort of symbol of his willingness to trust in others, and to trust himself around others. most of this is me wanting his fuckass bandanna to have some sort of meaning behind it outside of "uwu edgy man with edgy outfit" but uh yeah. idk.

anyway, after a while he decides to stick around permanently right before the gang heads to gal'ruk to track down carin valkrum, an ex-juror who went missing decades prior, who katelyn is convinced knows of the whereabouts of the keeper's relic.

which means an outfit change. i tried to make his second winter outfit noticeably lighter than his first one, but still incorporating his trademark reds and browns. there isn't too much else to say abt this outfit? i dont think?? like there isnt a ton of lore stuff tied up in it except "oh hes going to a cold place lol". uhh i guess i could mention that he has a fucked up knee from a hunting accident when he was younger, hence the wrapped up knee?? idk. also he has a lil brooch w a falcon claw on it as a sort of homage to falconclaw. and his fucked up eyes r a reference to his eyes being fucked up in mys. yeah. idk.

uhh casual outfit. i like to think that he asked laurance for help w finding something to wear that wasnt super casual for more formal events (like the monthly potluck dinners that phoenix drop holds for everyone to celebrate the new moon) bc garroth is fucking useless when it comes to clothes n katelyn isnt that much better so laurance, having grown up in meteli surrounded by pirates, threw a billowy white button down at him n told him to go ham. i think laurance also lowkey influences aaron to get the falcon tattoo at some point - i dont think he loses the brooch, but since its so obviously a reference to his birthplace in ru'aun and could potentially get him and the rest of the gang hurt or even killed once they decide to travel to tu'la, he decides to get the kārearea tattooed over his heart as an homage to his family. anyway, it's in tu'la where he learns that he isn't the only survivor of falconclaw as he had previously thought: the werewolf pack that he'd grown up alongside (blaze, dottie, maria, rylan, and daniel) are still alive and well, as is melissa, although she's been cursed w what will later become known as the "ultima" curse due to her striking a deal with the demon warlock in an attempt to restore falconclaw. anyway, it's pretty emotional, esp since both sides have long thought the other to be suuuper dead. the scars on aaron's forearm are from when he n blaze got into a tussle as kids.

and finally, his destroyer form! after katelyn finally kills ivy n recovers shad's relic, there's a lot of debate as to what to do with it; some folks think its best to find it a host, others want to try and destroy it, and others want to simply lock it away in a pocket dimensino or something to keep it safe. eventually, aaron decides that, in order to protect the family he's created and the family he's rediscovered, it's probably best for him to take on the mantle of the destroyer of the second war of the magi, especially once it's revealed that the aaron of the first war (shad) cleaved his soul in two once he began to get corrupted by the influence of the void - the half that was corrupted would become the shadow lord, whereas the uncorrupted half would go onto reincarnate like the other souls of the divine warriors (excluding irene). i'm still fiddling around w how the second war of the magi ends, but my thinking as of right now is that the first war ended with irene burning away her first physical form to seal the shadow lord in the nether, the second war (mcd) ending w the restoration n reunification of shads soul n the divine warriors sealing away most magicks as a temporary stopgap against the spread of the void, and the third war (mys) being the war in which the void is finally defeated.

and finally some headshots. i personally headcanon aaron as being autistic as fuck n being the kind of autistic where he isn't super expressive (sorta like garroth), although a little less stern. speaking of, i really wanted him n garroth to be sort of foils for each other: namely, where aaron was raised to only ever see lordship as a privilege, garroth was raised in an environment that led him to believe that lordship was only ever a burden. anyway, they're best mates n i will die on this hill. yeah i know that in the first war esmund n shad didnt like each other that much (as an understatement) but something something healing the wrongs of the past with each reincarnation cycle something something they're best friends now and you can't stop me. also he and aph do end up together but it takes sooo fucking long, like those two are the most awkward motherfuckers this side of ru'aun and it takes longer for them to confess than it does for garroth and laurance to confess and thats Saying Something. like. c'mon. it was stupidly out of character for this wet noodle of a man to hook up w aph in the middle of s2. tell me that u don't know how to write ur characters without telling me that u don't know how to write ur characters n all that jazz.

anyway. gumboot rambles once again. its 2am at the time of posting this n i need to go sleep so uh. yeah. dante or travis is up next mostly bc aph has like thirteen outfit changes before s3 n im dreading drawing them all so yeah.

feel free to ask any questions or anything!! :D

[humbledragon669]

S1E2 – The Book Write Up P3– Present Day/Thursday (2 days to the end of the World) (from Aziraphale and Crowleys’ arrival in Tadfield up to their departure from Tadfield Manor)

Despite only looking at a short section of this episode, there is a lot of ground to cover in this part of the write up so let’s not waste any time! This collection of thoughts and meanderings commences from the scene in the episode where Aziraphale and Crowley are entering the Tadfield area. The first time I watched this through, I had thought that the plan for the swapping of the Antichrist as described by Crowley had actually been devised by him too. But that’s not possible, is it? Crowley doesn’t become aware of his involvement in the Antichrist plan until he’s actually being handed a baby and Harriet Dowling is already in labour and on her way to the “hospital”. So presumably there was another agent in Tadfield (at the air base?) who was ready to suggest that she be transported elsewhere, though that is never confirmed in any sense, let alone with details of who that agent was. With that in mind though, it’s no wonder that Crowley gets defensive when it’s pointed out that the plan has failed; after all, it only failed AFTER the point where he became involved.

Aziraphale’s speech about the flaws of evil feels like a strangely personal attack on Crowley here, though if that’s the case the following line has some interesting connotations:

Evil always contains the seeds of its own destruction.

We know that Heaven considers all beings from Hell to be inherently evil – is he insinuating that Crowley is on a path to self-destruction when he says this? The whole speech seems almost spiteful to me, which is not really a quality I associate with Aziraphale, particularly when it comes to Crowley. I wonder if this whole speech is meant to part of a campaign, which I would think is a long and outstanding one, to try and get Crowley to stop bending to his Hellish ways so much. Which is of course impossible. That underlying meaning would explain why Crowley takes the whole thing so calmly, and brushes it all off with a glib response, for which he is rewarded with a look that I would argue contains admiration, pride, and not a little bit of desire.

There’s one other little Easter egg to be had in this scene. We can hear the music, which starts the scene as a classical piece obviously chosen by Aziraphale, morphing into Queen and instantly becoming more prominent at the point where Crowley essentially wins the argument. I’ve said it before about music being used to convey subtextual plot points, and I feel that this is one of those. If we thought Aziraphale had the upper hand in the discussion at the beginning of the scene, the music tells us that is quite definitely not the case by the end of it.

We’ll take a quick detour into another The Them scene, but there’s not a lot I have to say about it. I do like how the innocence and exaggeration of a child’s imagination is used as a device to really hammer home the ridiculousness of the reasoning behind torturing people for religious persecution. And the irony of Adam basically telling Anathema that what she’s looking at is right in front of her face, which she instantly dismisses.

Back with our heroes, and it’s time to really start getting into some weeds I think. So first let’s just pick up on the information that Aziraphale is capable of feeling the love of other people: I imagine this to be like the someone’s love of something leaving traces of that love on whatever it is that is the object of their affection, and he can feel those traces. It is suggested in this same scene that this is a power that Crowley doesn’t share. More importantly, and I think you’ll all know what I’m about to talk about, when Aziraphale does detect love, he instantly reaches out and touches Crowley:

This is one of those things that I said lots of other people have already talked about. I don’t feel like I can call this write up complete if I don’t acknowledge this EXTREMELY important interaction. Let me clear about what I think about it: Aziraphale feels love and reaches for it. We will see this reflex again in later episodes so I am not backing down. Not only do we see him touch Crowley in this scene, but there appears to be a split second when they reach for each other’s hands. You have to really be paying attention, and some people might think it’s more likely to be just the momentum of David’s arm swinging but I’m not one of those people. Crowley’s hand swings three times after Aziraphale reaches out to him, the second of which has more range than the first, suggesting that there is some movement there not caused by pure momentum. His hand even starts to turn upwards to meet a receiving hand. Not to mention Aziraphale’s hand is held in a position that definitely suggests he’s expecting to receive a hand. I managed to catch a few frames that show what I’m talking about:

You can try and talk me out of this if you want, but it will be very much falling on deaf ears; after all, my head canon is that they have already been a couple in secret for 11 years at this point. So with that covered, let’s move (quickly) on to something less contentious – the second and last time (at time of writing!) we see Crowley in anything other than his human form.

There’s a little bit in the book about this, and the fact that he hates doing transformations because he’s always worried he’ll forget how to change back to his “favourite shape”, which I really like. The show version of Crowley doesn’t seem to hate it though – he is thoroughly enjoying the mischief he’s just caused. And interestingly, Aziraphale doesn’t flinch in the slightest at that’s just happened. Maybe he’s seen this sort of behaviour before, maybe he’s just too worried about the paint stain on his coat that he’s had for 180 years. Either way, he’s not bothered by Crowley’s behaviour (or appearance) here at all.

Alright, time to pick apart another micro-interaction that’s already been covered dozens of times – the cleaning of the coat. I think the least wordy way for me to cover this is going to be in GIFs with some out-of-band captions with my head canon’s subtext for each one – I’d like for there to be as few words for this analysis as possible because this is one of the moments between them that, despite how many times I’ve watched it over, still makes my heart pound a little faster and causes the butterflies to start fluttering in my stomach. OK, here goes…

Head canon subtext: I really love this coat. I could miracle the stain away but that’s sort of cheating. But it wouldn’t be cheating if someone else did it for me. I couldn’t ask “someone” to do it for me though otherwise that’s still like I’ve cheated and makes me seem needy. So maybe “someone” will understand what I’m trying to say…

Head canon subtext: aww, poor baby… (très sarcastic).

Head canon subtext: pleeeeeeeeeeeeeeease…

Head canon subtext: urgh, fine, I have to get this stuff off me anyway. But I’m going to make it look like I’m not really doing this for you.

Head canon subtext:

AZIRAPHALE: oh, lovely, he got the message. And he did a splendid job. Best say thank you and pretend I didn’t expect him to do it, let him think it was a thoughtful gesture on his part.

CROWLEY: (shaking his head in disbelief) oh you’re welcome, angel. As if that’s not what you were angling for in the first place.

Head canon subtext: did I get away with it? I think I did.

Head canon subtext: you absolutely did NOT get away with it, angel. You know it. I know it. You know that I know it. I know that you know that I know it. And so on and so forth. But now you owe me a favour. Anyway, I only did it because I know that you adore that coat and because getting rid of that stain would make you really happy. Because I’d do anything for you really.

And there we have it. There are two other integral parts of the scene I want to point out here:

We hear the demonic miracle noise again when Crowley miracles the paint away. It should most definitely be cemented in your brain by now.

This is a pretty clear display of the hidden/non-verbal communication channels that Aziraphale and Crowley have established between themselves.

Moving on now (just not very far). There’s something very double-entendre about the language Aziraphale uses in the conversation about a gun. I mean who calls a paintball gun “impressive hardware”? And we can see how genuinely ridiculous his assessment of the weaponry is by watching Crowley’s face, who is clearly humouring him:

Crowley also shows us just how valid he considers Aziraphale’s argument that guns can be used to give weight to a moral argument when he discards the paintball gun carelessly. To be fair to the angel, even he isn’t convinced of Heaven’s rhetoric on this point, though he chooses to show it in a much subtler way.

As the couple enter the Manor, and just in case you didn’t recognise the man who is now passed out on the ground in the courtyard, we are informed that the company undertaking the exercise are none other than Newt’s previous employers – United Worldwide Holdings (Holdings).

If that little treat for the eagle eyed wasn’t enough, we’re also treated to not one, not two, but three casual instances of physical contact between Crowley and Aziraphale here:

I love this – neither of them appears to notice that it’s happening, presumably because it happens all the time. There’s plenty of room for them to walk through the hallway with some space between them (in fact we see just how much space there is available to them in the next shot), but they clearly just can’t help themselves.

And ooh look, another instance of the demonic miracle noise. I sincerely hope you’ve hardwired to that noise and what it means by now… And this time around, we see how much fun Crowley is having being mischievous – he’s getting to pick Aziraphale’s argument about guns and their place in a moral argument to pieces using the concept of free will whilst simultaneously winding the angel up. He’s really in his element. He can’t keep the pretence up for long though, Aziraphale’s righteous attitude just takes all the fun out of it really quickly. There is an interesting parallel between what Aziraphale calls fun and what classes as the same for Crowley. In episode 1, we see Aziraphale declaring that fun for him is achieving success in doing things the “hard” (human) way, instead of relying on his miracles to achieve the same success. Here Crowley shows us that fun for him is very different – it’s about providing opportunities for humans to confront their own choices, watching their emotional response without causing any physical damage. He’s actually railing against his authorities in a way that they wouldn’t be able to tell he was defying them, which likely adds to the fun. Pretty complicated for a lowly demon don’t you think? Whilst Aziraphale’s motivations are entirely selfish. They make such a funny little pair, don’t they?

Alright, we all knew it was coming. One of the most iconic moments of this show.

I don’t think there’s anything I can say that will add to the libraries worth of discussion that have been had about this, so I’ll try and keep this brief. Perhaps the best way for me to get through this is to present my take on the wall slam incident along with a few key arguments. Is Crowley threatening Aziraphale when he pins him up against the wall? Is Aziraphale frightened of Crowley when he does pin him? My answer to both of these questions is a resolute “NO”. Does the wall slam have subtextual meaning? HELL YES. Let me illustrate.

Aziraphale knows exactly what to say to initiate this little dance. Note the smirk on his face just before he calls Crowley “nice”:

That is the face of an angel who knows exactly what the consequences of his actions are going to be. And if you think he’s on his own in that knowledge, check out Crowley’s face whilst he just waits for this line to land:

My thoughts? Aziraphale is deliberately invoking this reaction. I’m going to go all out here and say that I think he’s probably quite turned on by his demon’s behaviour and that this is him acting on it. I’d even go so far as to say they’ve probably already played this little bit of kink out before, with “nice” being the trigger word for the role play. If you’re still in doubt, let’s take a look at a couple of things. First, you can see Aziraphale bracing himself slightly before he hits the wall proper:

OK, so that one could be argued away as something Michael did to protect himself from getting hurt. What you can’t use the same argument on is the expression on his face as Crowley snarls in his face:

There’s not the slightest hint of fear on his face, even though Crowley is so close that their noses are touching. How about if we look at it from the other side?

Not only is he not afraid, but his gaze has shifted. Now it looks like he might be looking straight at Crowley’s lips…  And how about immediately after they’re discovered?

Aziraphale’s eyes stay on Crowley’s face for a second. And even when his gaze is drawn to the source of the interruption, we can see how completely unafraid he is of what’s just happened.

Crowley on the other hand looks a little panicked, I suspect because he’s a little worried that they’ve been discovered. And let’s not leave out the most obvious Clue that our heroes were acting on impulse – ex-Sister Mary Loquacious TELLS US THAT’S THE CASE:

Excuse me, gentlemen. I’m sorry if I’m breaking in on an intimate moment-

Well yes, love, you really were, as evidenced by how quickly Crowley’s “fury” dissipates and Aziraphale’s nonchalant resetting of his clothes. He does look pretty disappointed at the way things have turned out though. And despite all of that supposed rage we saw just seconds ago, the two of them are on pretty friendly ground again very quickly – there is A LOT of shoulder brushing going on between them as they question the ex-nun and leave the manor. Crowley even summons Aziraphale away from Mary with an insistent “oi” as he goes, hardly the sort of thing you’d trot happily off to if the person issuing it had just been terrorising you.

I need to deviate slightly from the body language of ethereal beings for a second, because we’re introduced to a new miracle noise here, this time to indicate that Crowley has just performed a sort of time-freeze on a person:

It’s used in conjunction with the previously established demonic miracle noise, but this time there’s an additional sound over the top – it makes me think of a bubble and reminds me of the noise a wobble board makes. So now we have another noise to be on the lookout for…

As the two of them are leaving the Manor, we see another example of the differing views that Aziraphale and Crowley have of one another. Crowley has categorised them both as being “occult”, but Aziraphale makes a distinction between them, calling himself “ethereal” instead. You can see that Crowley is slightly taken aback by his angel’s insistence on establishing a boundary between them (not surprising considering how little those boundaries mattered to them both in the moments before this), but he doesn’t argue, presumably because he knows it’s rather pointless.

Back in the car, we’re treated to a reminder that Aziraphale is not a fan of Crowley’s driving. Not just that though, we’re also given another piece of musical subtext. The song now playing in the Bentley is Queen’s “Days of Our Lives”, specifically these lines:

Those days are all gone now, but one thing's still true When I look, and I find I still love you

Not really sure how much more obvious anybody would want this message to be to be honest.

On that note, I think this is a good place to finish this section. It’s been longer than intended for such a short chunk of the episode, but I think necessary given the importance of some of the interactions we’ve seen take place in it.  As always, comments, questions, discussions are welcome!

[sassenashsworld]

I have just returned from a 4-day drive Montreal/Boston to follow the first steps of the American revolution and this man who I admire since I was a child and who still has grows within me with the fallout reference: John Hancock.

It was a beautiful journey full of revelations and I cannot recommend enough to people who have not done so to do it...

But as a fanfiction author, that’s another point of view that the journey has revealed to me. The shock SoSu gets when they comes out of the shelter must be even worse than anything I could have imagined because the Vermont, the New Hampshire and the Massachusetts are incredibly beautiful.

The respect for trees and nature in these regions is incredible and the pride of the inhabitants for their heritage as well.

There is not a corner of everything I have seen that is not cared for and that the inhabitants do not care for with religious love and shining pride.

And I’ve seen a lot of them--even in just four days.

I already had the intention to rewrite my fanfiction because I have developed a lot my English since I started it, but there may be major changes...

I think that this love and pride of Boston and the surrounding area, faced with the destruction of everything that was important in the America Spirit is something major.

Look forward to the new version of Silver’s adventures, there will be a complete change up-- (and at the same time, the next chapter of Heartbeat should come out soon)

[infiniteglitterfall]

"...All of the punditry about diversity and free speech and criticism of Israel has extravagantly missed the point.

"The problem was not that Jewish students on American university campuses didn’t want free speech, or that they didn’t want to hear criticism of Israel."

(The problem is also not that Jewish students didn't support Palestinians or want a free independent Palestinian state. One of the biggest problems, in fact, is that the pro-Palestinian movement consistently implies that the only way to support Palestine is by calling for the destruction of Israel.

While activists in Gaza protest Hamas, activists outside of it follow Hamas's lead: framing this as a battle between all Palestinians and the existence of Israel.

This has effectively excluded activists in Palestine from the movement to support them. Which is a neat trick. /s)

"Instead, they didn’t want people vandalizing Jewish student organizations’ buildings, or breaking or urinating on the buildings’ windows.

"They didn’t want people tearing their mezuzahs down from their dorm-room doors.

They didn’t want their college instructors spouting anti-Semitic lies and humiliating them in class.

They didn’t want their posters defaced with Hitler caricatures, or their dorm windows plastered with Fuck Jews.

They didn’t want people punching them in the face, or beating them with a stick, or threatening them with death for being Jewish.

"At world-class American colleges and universities, all of this happened and more."

(I've added links to each of these examples. I couldn't find an incident of "fuck Jews" plastered all over dorm windows, but I did find it written on a chalkboard, left in a note by someone robbing a Jewish student, and graffitied in a music building bathroom.

That last one was at UCLA, where there was also an incident in which Students for Justice in Palestine held a public beating of a Netanyahu piñata while an organizer with a bullhorn led everyone in a chant of "beat that fucking Jew!")

"I was not merely an observer of this spectacle. I’d been serving on now–former Harvard President Claudine Gay’s anti-Semitism advisory committee, convened after the October 7 Hamas massacre in Israel and amid student responses to it.

"I was asked to participate because I am a Harvard alumna who wrote a book about anti-Semitism called People Love Dead Jews.

"As soon as my participation became public, I was inundated with messages from Jewish students seeking help. They approached me with their stories after having already tried many other avenues—bewildered not only by what they’d experienced, but also by how many people dismissed or denied those experiences."

Dara Horn says "the foundational big lie," in one version after another throughout the centuries, has been "that anti-Semitism itself is a righteous act of resistance against evil, because Jews are collectively evil and have no right to exist."

"In 2013, David Nirenberg published an astonishing book titled Anti-Judaism.

"Nirenberg’s argument, rigorously laid out in nearly 500 pages of dense scholarship and more than 100 pages of footnotes, is that Western cultures—including ancient civilizations, Christianity, Islam (which Nirenberg considers Western in its relationship with Judaism), and post-religious societies—have often defined themselves through their opposition to what they consider 'Judaism.' This has little to do with actual Judaism, and a lot to do with whatever evil these non-Jewish cultures aspire to overcome.

"Nirenberg is a diligent historian who resists generalizations and avoids connecting the past to contemporary events. But when one reads through his carefully assembled record of 23 centuries’ worth of intellectual leaders articulating their societies’ ideals by loudly rejecting whatever they consider 'Jewish,' this deep neural groove in Western thought becomes difficult to dismiss, its patterns unmistakable.

"If piety was a given society’s ideal, Jews were impious blasphemers; if secularism was the ideal, Jews were backward pietists.

"If capitalism was evil, Jews were capitalists; if communism was evil, Jews were communists.

"If nationalism was glorified, Jews were rootless cosmopolitans; if nationalism was vilified, Jews were chauvinistic nationalists. 'Anti-Judaism' thus becomes a righteous fight to promote justice."

(This second piece is a rip-off of Brazilian artist Carlos Latuff's 2008 comic celebrating a Communist event in Brazil.

It's also a particularly excellent example of how both "Jews are capitalists" and "Jews are communists" represent the core antisemitic trope of "Jews morally corrupt society.")

"This dynamic forces Jews into the defensive mode of constantly proving they are not evil, and even simply that they have a right to exist."

Dara Horn's piece has some super-fun examples.

"Around 38 C.E., after rioters in Alexandria destroyed hundreds of Jewish homes and burned Jews alive, the Jewish Alexandrian intellectual Philo and the non-Jewish Alexandrian intellectual Apion both sailed to Rome for a 'debate' before Emperor Caligula about whether Jews deserved citizenship.

"Apion believed that Jews held an annual ritual in which they kidnapped a non-Jew, fattened him up, and ate him. Caligula delayed Philo’s rebuttal for five months, and then listened to him only while consulting with designers on palace decor.

"Alexandrian Jews lost their citizenship rights, though it took until 66 C.E. for 50,000 more of them to be slaughtered.

"In medieval Europe, Jews were forced into disputations with Christian priests that placed Jewish texts and traditions on public trial, resulting in Jewish books being burned and Jewish disputants exiled. Later legal trials expanded on this concept, requiring Jews to defend themselves against the absurd charge known as the blood libel, in which Jews are accused of murdering and consuming non-Jewish children—a claim that has echoes in current lies about Israelis harvesting Palestinians’ organs."

fucking exhausting is what it is

I want to share more of this essay, and talk about it more. But this is more than enough for right now. This is way more than enough.

[despairots]

THE ORACLE / © deadoves 2023

「 gojo satoru x gender neutral! reader 」

PLOT: what is called a reason for living is also an excellent reason for dying. days after days, months after months— you were stuck in this endless cycle of being worshipped like a deity; you were a child, one that was misleaded. you were spoiled and dotted for simply breathing by this cult that worshipped your clan. coincidentally, you were given to this cult because of your reversed curse technique, which was only 5% chance of inheriting, rare but not impossible. to lose is a human right, you took that right away.

CONTENT WARNING: swearing, suggestive themes, cults, implied self harm, self destructive behaviour, depression, mental health, disorders, sexual assault, blood, canon violence, implied misogyny, reader gets mistaken as a women from men and they get mistaken as a feminine man to women, reader goes by they/them, torture, cult activities, murder, masochism, sadism, manipulation, slow burn, obsessive themes, unhealthy love, religious trauma, etc.

AUTHORS NOTE: i was so torn between making this gender neutral or male, so it’s gender neutral but it’s hinted that reader is masculine but AGAIN, this IS gender neutral. they/them pronouns. readers appearance isn’t described, reader is YOU, i specifically made this fanfic for YOURS and MY pleasure, imagine reader how ever you want. follows the manga btw. this story might have some spelling errors but ignore them, my brain processes words faster then my fingers, so if i think like “in the end, your life isn’t something precious to you, his was.” sum words or spelling grammar would appear lolsies :33 reblogs >> likes

ARC 1:

act 1, scene 1

i want to touch. i want to be touched. i want to hurt. i want to be hurt. and if you feel the same way, you’re as bad as me.

act 1, scene 2

humans are a combination of both, good and bad. what’s the point in focusing on just one side?

act 1, scene 3

in their heart, there was an empire of corpses. growing and growing.

act 1, scene 4

the blood on my teeth begins to taste like a poem, like a religion, like the way you look at me.

act 1, scene 5

such a waste of a child, such rumination. i am obsessive. i contain nothing but the replay. i am blood and blood and replay.

ARC 2:

act 2, scene 1

to be continued…

[demonictumble]

would i be friends with the crows?

kaz brekkar, 2/10 possibility of us being friends. i’d hate his attitude and i could not get close to him. on paper he’s a great complex character but i don’t vibe with that in rl. hes also really secretive and i could not like that. the points are added bc id have fun with nina making fun of hair and also he’d totally bring chaos into my life with his schemes (that would get annoying easily tho)

inej ghafa, 8/10 possibility of us being friends. i love have girl friends and she would totally be so great. also id totally rope her into doing my hair bc she seems to know how to braid and i would enjoy that. i dock two points bc i would be like him??? about kaz and we would both have a small fight about her low standards bc im still warming up to that man. and also bc i would tire of her sneaking up on me all the time.

nina zenik, 9.5/10 possibility of us being friends. nina seems like such a girls girl and i love her for that. i love girls girls and also she’s a queer icon like me fr. and idk we’re kinda similar and i like people im similar too. i’d love to team up with her on stuff like laser tag and we’d have a blast making fun of kaz together. .5 points deducted bc i feel she’s competitive if we ever played a board game and i too am competitive.

matthias hevlar, 4/10 possibility of us being friends. okay we’d vibe in certain situations when we both exchange glances and are like “stupid dumbassez, love them tho” . but there are bits that kinda make me shy away from being friends with him. the religiousness, like if it was like how it was in the beginning of the duology, would definitely be a sign to not associate with him bc i hage had too situations where people use religion as an excuse for being hateful. also he feels like he’s too much of a rule-follower when he’s not with nina. like c’mon, let’s go! also he seems sporty and i don’t really like sporty people which is an internal bias of mine that i’m working on okay.

jesper fahey, 7/10 possibility of us being friends. he’s so fun!! but also i hate guns so idk we’d butt heads over that sometimes but prolly not a lot. also gambling habits, i hate seeing people being self-destructive and it would make me sad to see that bc id try to help but id get frustrated quickly. he has a great personality tho i would be kinda weirded out by the flirting at first but he’d either tone it down or id return the energy. the points deducted are mainly bc of his gambling habits that he’ll get rid of but if i was there during it that’s why.

wylan van eck, 9/10 possibility of us being friends. he’d be a blast to have in a chemistry class bc you know class is gonna end with a fire alarm being set off bc he’s tired of being in class. he’s such a gremlin and i am too and i think we’d cause great chaos together. 1 point deducted bc he’s a gremlin but nobody would believe it bc he has that innocent type face (but i know your secrets van eck) and id try to convince people he pranked me and they’d be like him?! no way!! while he grins deviously. i’d shake my fist in anger but that’s all i could do.

[imustbenuts]

Reading Grima as an Abrahamic god stand-in in the world of Fire Emblem, and how that is filling in gaps in the narrative.

Preface: this is one possible interpretation out of many, and I will be talking about this pov as a person who resides in SEA.

To get to understand this worldview though, some very dry explanations need to be done, but I'll do my best.

First, an overview of Grima.

Grima in FE: Awakening's story functions as a god of annihilation/death. They are worshiped and brought back into the world by the Grimleals, an extremist religious group in Plegia, which is visually middle eastern desert-ish.

Meanwhile, their Japanese name is actually Gimlé, a reference to the Norse mythos of the place where survivors of Ragnarok (an end of the world apocalyptic event where gods duke it out way too hard) are foretold to live. It's a super pretty place, almost heavenly.

So there is some credence here to hint that Grimleals are the extremist sect, and that Grima inherently isn't good or evil, but possibly a death god closer to the likes of Anubis or Hades. This can then explain why Plegians who aren't extremists are said to be pretty chill.

Anyway, moving on, because I need to explain the next bit to really highlight how much he looks like an Abrahamic god to a someone like me.

FE's world is structurally polytheistic. Or, Shinto Buddhist.

On the surface, FE puts forth the idea of polytheism in the form of multiple Dragons, without a singular clear, definite distinction for what threshold exactly qualifies one to be a legit God vs just-a-dragon. In fact, it can be summed up as "this one is powerful enough to do things, and/or because we decided so" by the people.

So, that tracks with the belief system in place in Japan and really, the whole of Asia in general. Polytheism is the norm, rather than mono. In this view, any being which are not human all belong into the classification of supernatural, so the question of how god-like they are matters after they are able to pass a certain threshold of power or worshiping status.

A popularity contest of spirits/gods, if you want to put it that way. In fact, lots of eastern gods irl are like this. Power often doesn't factor into things, since these gods are very closely associated with nature in some form, and their popularity in history is very dependent on events.

In fact, Japan follows Shinto Buddhism, a polytheistic belief. Technically made of 2 parts.

Shinto supplies the idea that Gods (or rather, kamis) in general cannot be perceived, and that they must be loved and nurtured to gain their favor. Disregarding them brings instead disharmony and destruction. Shrines are one such places where the love and nurturing or the disregard can be seen/done. (Thebes labyrinth, anyone? 😉👌)

The other, Buddhism. Also polytheistic due to reframing gods as just other beings trying to break out of the cycle of samsara. Buddha is technically not a god, but a title, and an idol to look to to remember the teachings of how to break out of this cycle, by understanding suffering and how to end it.

In some ways, Naga, the biggest defacto "god" which is treated as the 'proper' God by the narrative, is actually more of a Buddha. Her voice lines in FEH even points to this:

Meanwhile, Libra uses the plural, gods. Frederick's famous crit quote is "Pick a god and pray."

That is what I mean by FE being structurally Shinto Buddhist.

Meanwhile, Abrahamic religion is monotheistic.

Without getting too deep into the details and scholarly debates of it, or even the multiple branches of religion, the singular God in this family does not want his followers to turn their eyes towards other false gods. One is meant to devote themself entirely to this God, follow his teachings and live a life he deems worthy to live with him in the beautiful, heavenly afterlife.

Failure to do so will mean a divine retribution of sorts, but often in the form of eternal damnation.

Another noteworthy bit, Abrahamic religion originated from the place we call the Cradle of Civilization, also known as the Middle East. Which, you know. Deserts.

And now, the pieces of Grima being a Abrahamic god stand-in starts to form. And that then explains a lot of other mundane unexplained bits too.

Basically, Grima is the patron deity of the Plegians, who reside in the harsh desert.

If we assume that normal Plegians are pretty chill despite Grima being associated with straight up annihilation, then a pretty good extrapolation would be that Grima is a watcher type deity of the afterlife for their worship. This type is typically popular as they soothe the anxiety of what happens to a person after death, explaining that there is something else other than pure emptiness, which frankly can kick many people's existential dread into overdrive.

Which, if one really thinks about it, the Abrahamic religion and their God kind of is this.

God watches a human, then judges them for their actions in life when their time is up. In some interpretations afaik, God can also be seen as a 'system' or a 'higher conscious', but the idea of being able to join with him is still the same. This is still the ultimate honor and bliss, ie, heavenly.

But in order to do so, one must wholly devote themself to him. Spread his word. Ignore all other Gods. You know how it goes.

With Grima, this bit manifests in how Grima kills Naga in the Future Past DLC. Even Tiki became a target, who wants to become the next Naga in it. (Which btw this wouldn't make sense unless one treats the word, Naga, as a title, which tracks.)

So. In conclusion.

What I'm trying to say here is that Grima is easily read as a monotheistic, or even a Christian god to many people on this side of the planet. Because there has been precedent in extremism when it comes to religion associated with Abrahamic religion, and this is how it's being expressed through the writers when they create FE.

And yet, because either the world of FE is structurally shinto buddhist, or the writers are, this is the result, and why I have interpreted Grima as this.

There are also elements of that mistreatment of a god narrative going on in FE:A that I think is worth talking about for Grima, too. I'm almost certain that the writers are not saying Grima is inherently evil, in fact, the narrative of good and evil in FE is often easily explained by characters being dreadfully flawed, and even human. And because of how Gods have this piece of humanity in them, it's possible for so many narratives to be the way they are.

And maaaybe why they decided to put Grima in a cat costume for Halloween banner with all the funny lines that comes with them. I think.

And that's about it, really. Ask is always open. Thanks for reading! 🎃🎃

[ms-scarletwings]

Upon finishing S3//Ep2 of Moral Orel, “Innocence”, Orel’s morals finally clicked for me

As happens in a show this narratively rich, I looked around at some of the close-by chatter under comment sections. People were making these observations about how Orel seemingly just goes out of his way to interpret all of the lessons he’s given in the least charitable and most nonsensical way. Not an invalid view, and for the first good part of the show, you think this is just the function of an over the top comedic bit for the formula of each episode. It’s easy to ask how on earth a seemingly kind hearted, well meaning kid like this can be THAT devoid of the basic logical implications of what he hears, or any common moral intuition that virtually everyone has, right?

Orel’s not a stupid kid. But the entire problem with him up to the point thus far is that he legit DOES NOT in fact have that intuition we expect most people, even children to have. That knee-jerk repulsion to obviously harmful actions. That really vital sense of conscience. No, I don’t mean he’s some kind of psychopath. He has a bright and almost sickeningly sweet heart and it was part of how he broke the cycle despite everything. I mean that Orel has not had a coherent moral compass modeled to him through his earlier development. His ethical axioms are ALL rooted in divine command theory. To put it simply, he doesn’t believe “god is good”, he believes “goodness” itself is “what god says is good”. Most Christians, hell, most religious people generally do not literally, consciously operate in this way, and usually even the ones that do are (mostly) still functionally average people, because usually they were at least consistently conditioned to believe that axioms like human well-being are what God commands. To at least a fortunate degree, human empathy and socialization usually is allowed to and even encouraged to develop under mainstream religious upbringings.

You notice the glaring difference though when you see what happens to people who are molded entirely by Divine Command Theory and then become convinced that their God’s divine command is something that doesn’t happen to line up with conventionally good ideals, like those given earlier. This is what destructive cults do. This is what makes crusades. This is what causes anti-sodomy laws and stoning people to death for eating the wrong kind of fish or not wearing the right clothing to happen.

Understand that this is the hinge that Orel’s whole sense of right and wrong up to this point swings on. What it means is that this little boy can, and will, justify or excuse any and all directions given to him so long as he trusts the adult talking to him as someone who speaks for God. This combined with his craving for approval, plus the fact that he’s also had it drilled in his head to never question or doubt his elders’ wisdom makes for a child zealot that is dangerously easy to manipulate to do ANYTHING and with fanatical determination. It is less than no additional help that the Puppingtons (and the majority of the townsfolk) have never been golden examples for healthy social modeling, as well. Like, sure, he’s getting glimmers of actual goodness in there such as the Jesus loves you so love yourself and help thy neighbors messaging, but it’s being inconsistently contradicted by and juggled alongside at same hierarchical importance as “lessons” like beat the shit out of people who make fists, segregate the brown people, and be terrified of the same authority you expect safety and comfort from. Why on earth is it shocking that Orel seemingly has no sense of scale or priority when it comes to the rules? The rules he’s given are subject to constant and chaotic updates and are all treated with the same gravity. Follow X and you will be promised infinite reward. Disobey X and you will be met with infinite retribution. Not just even in a spiritual heaven and hell sense, but here in life too. Clay delivers the same punishment for getting hooked on crack or becoming a serial rapist that he does for the “sin” of using slang vernacular and meditating to relieve stress.

Everything that defines his life and virtues is a matter of constant anxiety and eagerness in order to appease a patriarchal tyrant that is portrayed as both ultimately benevolent and wise,

yet incredibly vindictive, sadistic, irrational, and petty.

And I don’t think it’s a coincidence that this description can equally apply to Moralton’s conception of God and a certain alcoholic father.

No kidding when I say that Orel has so little consistent input to actually steer him in the right direction that it’s incredibly sad, to the point where he’s extremely fortunate to actually have such an optimistic and compassionate inclination at all. It only seems ridiculous how he can’t see obvious suffering and even personal detriment as any red flags to hesitate or question an action, until you remember that he’s so been domestically broken by Clay and his church that his Pavlovian response to pain is either gratitude, mild inconvenience, or, masochistic euphoria.

Nonetheless, all of this only backfires on every adult in Moralton because the one thing they can’t control or account for 24/7 is exactly how he interprets what they say, even when he’s trying his best to follow their command. It’s like a twisted Amelia Bedelia situation with him that no one actually wants to deal with, even though they all (except Stephanie) collectively played a part in creating this monster.

Censordoll was the first one who was smart and ambitious enough to see the potential for Orel’s blind subservience to be weaponized, and of freaking course she was.

Thing is, you bet the ONLY reason she stopped was because she also lost control of him, and we all know what the consequence of that was. He unintentionally yet absolutely destroyed her in the only weak point she has, yet exactly like Clay did during the “turn the other cheek” incident, she trapped herself in a situation where she couldn’t swallow her own pride in the name of reversing the damage.

What I guess I’m explaining here is that Orel’s collection of constant shenanigans, unknowingly, yet effectively, is literally a manifestation of the community’s own complete moral bankruptcy biting them back in the ass, and possibly even a divine punishment for it, depending on how you interpret the writing. Which is a HELL of a phenomenal, subtle twist to his whole premise that doesn’t abandon the original joke/satire, but instead builds upon it and adds a chasm of depth and intention.

PRETTY GREAT, HUH?~

[grumfield]

watching your slow slide into star wars has got me thinking: what do you think are the main differences in characterization between obi-wan and chu wanning??

Not to get all meta-y but like. This ask. head explodes. The ask to end all asks i'm gonna go crazy. The obi-wan information is informed by the books and movies, not the cartoon show.

I legitimately believe that Obi-Wan is like, the polar opposite of Chu Wanning in almost every possible way, and I believe that Chu Wanning would view Obi-Wan as legitimately banally evil on the same level as the upper cultivation guys he hates. On an aesthetic "emotionally stunted shizun, doomed disciple" level they're similar, but that's where it ends. Their differences primarily lie with their different opposite to the world around them and levels of complacency with corrupt systems.

It all boils down to the fact that Obi-Wan is orthodox and Chu Wanning is revolutionary.

Obi-Wan is a good Jedi, it's his entire identity, but being a good Jedi does not necessarily make a good person (ie. Jedi have noble motives but centuries of systematic complacency have led them to be passive towards institutional problems like slavery, which they allow to continue) and as a result lacks actual overarching moral conviction to be anything else but good at what his order requires of him. He has been trained by complacent people and raised in an environment where anything else outside of his own insular group is considered uncivilized and must be tamed (if we're using religious metaphors, he's like a bishop raised at the Vatican). His conception of morality is passive and he never questions it as he follows the tenets of his Order but little else. Breaking from the rules is seen as problematic or a deficiency of character because of this (which is brought up a lot in Jedi quest and other books), not as a potential vehicle to question why things are the way they are. To him, things are the way they are for a reason, and everyone must abide by them, because that is the way they are. Upon the destruction of the order, without the rules in place that he's always followed, he falls back on complacency and indecision: for example, when he's faced with having to kill or save his disciple, he chooses to do nothing and Darth Vader is made because of that. He doesn't join the subsequent resistance, and he also eventually just trains Luke to go do the job he still doesn't want to do (kill Anakin/Vader). You can argue that this is a love thing and while yeah that has stuff to do it I'm a bit uncharitable about it given everything, because if love had everything to do with it he could have done the merciful thing and killed Anakin or saved him, but he did neither. He's a warning against inaction.

Chu Wanning on the other hand is a cultivator but an incredibly strong moral backbone to the point where he is actively willing to destroy himself to save people less fortunate than him. He'll break rules to dole out justice or punishment even if it's in anger. I call him Homura from Madoka if she was a socialist because that's kind of what he is lol. The cultivation world and sects exists to support his own moral goals (making armor for the poor, etc.) and he doesn't rely on them for guidance (as proven with how he left his previous master, then the Nangongs, and why he stays at Sisheng Peak). He is willing to defy everyone and everything to save people. And like when his own disciple is 'bad' and being punished by the institution, he makes proactive decisions to go against them in a spectacular display to get him back and take him away. His understanding of morality is informed by the actions of people themselves, uninformed by institutional rules. It's what makes him beloved to me...

Anyways.

Chu Wanning is so precious and i want to wrap him in a blanket while Obi-Wan the coward stands outside in the rain and just gets wetter and wetter and comes down with the flu. I love them both a wholeeeeeee lot. I just realize now that comparing Chu Wanning to him or thinking they're similar is like comparing idk. Ancient china Jesus and…I wouldn’t go so far as to say Judas, but maybe Peter or Thomas

[msbutterfly5294]

A Break In Reality - From A Schizophrenic :

TWs : Hallucinations , Delusions , Self Unalive , Harmful Thoughts + Feelings , Severe Mental State

Howdy , I am msbutterfly and I am a schizophrenic . For context : I am female and twenty years old .

I wouldn’t like to post something like this regarding my mental condition , however I would like to call to attention an event that has happened earlier today and some notes to those who have a loved one who suffers much like I , or who suffer along with me .

The best way to put it for those who don’t have schizophrenia is that you’re dreaming but you’re in reality . Everything is distorted and you , your loved ones , your environment , your everything is a dream , none of it is real. . . But it is .

And. . . Recently , I am living in the delusion that I’m being experimented on in a psychiatric hospital . They made my room look like my room , they made my house appear like the one I live in now , they somehow made my loved ones real so I can continue “ living ” peacefully while they experiment on me . No thing I have , everything I have built , none of my dearest people. . . All of them are false . They were made to keep me from waking up , because once I wake up. . . They have to unalive me . There are cameras that show up randomly , they always follow me and just me . When I point them out to family , they become worried because it disappears the moment I point to them . They don’t see what I know is there .

. . . Earlier today , I received a message from my little sister ( she’s seventeen ) . She said she loved me , I told her I love her too , she responded she was in the hospital , so I text her back asking what happened , and after my message was sent , I called her . She picked up and I asked her what happened . From there , she explained she didn’t text me and she wasn’t in the hospital . I looked back at the messages from her to explain what she sent , and they weren’t there .

They didn’t exist .

My little sister is fine , by the way . Concerned , but safe .

I texted my darling . He was also concerned when I explained that I had visiting hours and he can’t call until sixPM . He called anyways and once he saw that I was at home , he was relieved .

I am msbutterfly and I’m a schizophrenic . I suffer from a variety of chronic mental conditions , the most destructive is the schizophrenia . I see , hear , and feel things that aren’t there ( visual , auditory , and tactile hallucinations ) .

And these recent occurrences aren’t every event that has happened with the mental condition .

To whoever has it , you aren’t alone .

To those with a loved one who has schizophrenia , we need you .

It’s scary , sometimes it’s life threatening to ourselves and-or others , sometimes it makes you want to distance yourself , other times we scream and want to unalive ourselves because we finally come back to reality for a moment we see the hurt that our loved ones feel because of us , every now and again you may feel overwhelmed or even ashamed because of how we behave and how we think and feel. . .

The delusion I have of being in a mental hospital may be true , but I think I’m real and this is reality. . . My loved ones are real . They said they’re real . That this is reality. . . I pray ( as a non-religious entity ) that this is reality , that they are real , because if this is a dream. . . This is beyond fucked up . To make my loved ones so real and so beautiful as they are only for it to be a lie .

We need you , our support group , our friends , our lovers , our family . We are just as human as you , even if we aren’t fully here ourselves .

Thx you to those who read every word here . Thx you to those who still care and love . Thx you to those who. . . Remind me that I’m human , despite the suffering .

[museofpangolins]

sooo here's my top 10 most Good Omens-coded Hozier songs

10) Jackie and Wilson

this one isn't super deep, I think it just gives off that vibe of fun adventures together that mostly the first season had. also, this line

9) Swan upon Leda

this is a song that through religious metaphors captures the brutality of human nature in a way that's so beautiful and poetic. this one isn't so specific, but in my opinion it conveys some of the feeling of the story as a whole

8) Eat your young

I find it insane how it's possible for someone to sing about the exploitation of the innocent in such an incredible way. in this case it can be read about how the authorities (heaven and hell) are only driven by their personal goals and are using humans as a way to achieve them. it's even more literal in Job's story, with angels having no clue on how much his children mean to him and being completely uninterested on the matter, because they're too busy following God's plan.

7) Work Song

here things are starting to get a bit more specific. Work Song talks about a love that goes beyond the grave, but also a love that's so unconditional it goes beyond every human or religious imposition

6) Francesca

Hozier takes inspiration for this song from the tale told by Dante about two lovers condemned to damnation in hell, but the main aspect he uses for this song is the idea of it being worth it in order to be with the loved one, even at the cost of giving up a place of comfort and security. which is also what I hope will happen in season 3.

5) All Things End

I'm so sorry for this one. I'm really sorry. but I swear it's the only thing that could come to my mind when I saw this scene

I won't elaborate more because otherwise I'm going to cry.

4) Unknown/nth

i can't believe this song isn't officially about the two of them. I mean:

you mean mr Hozier didn't intentionally release it last month in honor of Aziraphale and Crowley?? sounds fake but ok

3) Take me to Church

religious trauma. questioning Christian values at its FINEST. love for humanity and for what being human means. all while discussing love and how religion ties it to the concept of sin.

2) Like Real People Do

absolute season two anthem. I think the whole point of Aziraphale and Crowley's characters is finding humanity in themselves, going beyond their angelic/demonic nature and whatever is expected from it. they're neither heaven nor hell's side, but on a completely different one that allows them to live in their own personal identity while often aligning with the interest of humans. that's why even their love for each other is an expression of how close to real people they've become.

1) From Eden

what can I say? it's just so perfect. just one song to summarize every important aspect of the story.

the familiarity derives from the previous angelic nature of Crowley. the destruction of idealism, chivalry and innocence symbolizes the disillusionment with heaven and hell, and the final line how the only hope can be found in the human world, but also, much like Francesca, the idea of giving up safety to be with the loved one. in this case though this is depicted with the use of religious imagery, specifically the garden of Eden. Therefore my hope is that this could be interpreted even more literally once in season three Aziraphale will give up heaven for Crowley. there are many other things that could be said about this song, and I really really hope it will be included in the soundtrack of the show.

if you read all of this, thank you so much, and please let me know if there are songs I didn't include

[vulpinesaint]

tell me about faedrennnnnn

oh my goddddd okay. essay. putting this under a readmore cause not only do i not want all of this directly on people's dash i personally do not want to have to scroll past all this when i go through my little faedren tag for funzies (<— subtle promotion for my faedren tag. which is very funzies)

trying to remember what i told you in my last very long faedren post. i think i have to approach this from my constant litany of 'people think faedren is like this but that's NOT what's going on' and then i will tell you what i've been thinking about with him plot-wise lately :D

so. my thing with faedren is that people often think he is a certain way based off of surface-level observations and while those things may be true to a certain point they are NEVER fully accurate. faedren from the outside seems like a violent fuckboy religious fanatic who wants to fuck his goddess and like. hm. yeah. some of that. but more thoroughly:

faedren is a cult member 👍 this is not something that he knows about himself but it is something that his party members have noted and are. concerned about. lmao. the point being: he absolutely is a religious fanatic, and his views are skewed because he was taught an extreme version of the dictates of calistria (goddess of lust, trickery, and revenge), but it comes along with like. other stuff. he is extremely easy to set off on a tangent about how beautiful and perfect his goddess is and it seems like usual fucked up religious fanaticism but also faedren is like. for real in love with his goddess. he grew up in an environment where he was NOT receiving the connection that people need, and in his head, his goddess is the only being that truly cares for him. so he talks about her with stars in his eyes and follows what he believes to be her edicts with absolute devotion, and a lot of it is driven by this parasocial and extremely personal connection that he created with his image of his goddess as. a coping strategy, essentially.

from that. faedren sleeps around at whatever chance he gets but that's primarily an extension of the sentiments that i mentioned just now. first of all sex as an explicitly approved religious thing haha. second of all he is starved for connection and affection and at this point in his life he has rationalized that the only way that he can get that is in casual hookups. does that come across when he's making out with a random soldier or flirting with any woman he sees at the bar. no. but it's important for me to note about him.

faedren perpetrates and idealizes a LOT of violence but he is not an implicitly violent or angry or destructive person. he's incredibly chill, actually, all things considered. when i say he rocks up to the function sounding like a personal trainer who's really involved in social media wellness trends, that Is reflective of his demeanor and inner life. for him, sex and violence are religious dictates that are the course to personal peace and catharsis and the ultimate path to a happy life. faedren espouses all the beauty of terrible gory revenge not because he really wants to hurt people but because in his head, it's about taking the anger that builds when someone wrongs you and directing it back on that person with extreme prejudice until you find catharsis, and that lets you continue on with your life in peace, unburdened by that frustration. he's not even really that pressed about being wronged. he acts like he's hot shit but that's just a high charisma score and confidence in his objective attractiveness and skill with weaponry; he has very little ego or self-worth, and so he doesn't really care when you bump into him too hard at the bar, but he is very dedicated to his goddess and following her teachings so he's gonna turn around and beat the shit out of you on principle. it's not about retribution as it is about acting out revenge: he's following the steps of revenge as he sees it, which is 1) identifying some wrong and 2) returning that wrong. he has been hurt much worse by people he cares about and trusted before, but he doesn't follow through with that as revenge, because he doesn't process it as a wrong done to him; of course he can be hurt by someone he cares about.

to that point. he is chaotic neutral. not chaotic evil. he'd burn down that village but it wouldn't be about destroying things or hurting people; it'd be some other motivation at play. he sucks really bad (for reasons that are not entirely his fault) and he doesn't do good things but he's not a Bad Person. he's not malicious, doesn't treat people with malice. he follows through on a set of principles that he's been given with devotion bordering on obsession, but that's about personal principle.

he's actually a pretty positive guy :) walks into every social situation with a smile ready to meet new people learn new things. he doesn't really. know how to handle negative emotions. so he brushes off physical and emotional pain and continues on as best he can. tries to numb and ignore the pain whenever possible. he has an alcohol problem 👍

so that brings us to the present! and also to faedren with his party, who he's gotten very close with over a long, harrowing time spent fairly isolated fighting in terrible conditions. group of guys who all have to sleep in the same room with each other to feel safe. shout out to all of these motherfuckers for not knowing anything about connection and affection (abused cult member) (literal demon from hell put into a mortal body) (girl who was raised alone in the woods with just her parents) and therefore not knowing how to express that they care for each other. or even fully realize it, really. the polycule <3

faedren's friends (who he's kind of in love with but doesn't know how to process that) are very invested in trying to get him to realize that he's cared for, that he's worth something, etc. etc. and faedren is REELING with the positive personal connections and affection from people who genuinely care for him. totally fucking crazy. rewriting the rules of life as he knows them. absolutely does not know what the hell to do with that.

it's good though! so they all pile into the same bed to ward off the nightmares and they all go into battle together knowing exactly how they should structure the party and they all know what order they walk in when they go through a dungeon. and then they're getting through a vampire-infested cave system and they get to the end of a puzzle room and they find what they're looking for. and they don't know that this stone is going to temporarily vampirize the person who touches it. and faedren's party member touches it and when he walks into the room, unaware of what's happening, he gets attacked and nearly gets his throat ripped out by someone he loves.

so that. sucks. and he's fucked up about it but he's so woozy on bloodloss that he can't even begin to process that. so it waits until the morning, when he decides that he's going to be pragmatic about it, and tells his party member (who he flinches when he sees in the room, because he may be trying to be reasonable about this but his body is learning otherwise) that it's fine. it's okay. it doesn't matter that he was hurt; there's no hard feelings, because faedren's been hurt way worse before, he can take this, it wasn't their fault, and relationships are supposed to hurt. that's how things work. he was doubting it for a second there, but now he's been very clearly reminded of the way of the world and he's fully aware that caring about someone hurts. smiles. tries to laugh about it. doesn't know how to deal with the negative emotions that would come with this, so tries not to feel negatively about it at all.

and what he takes from that is that yeah. caring about people will always hurt you. and he resolves to pull himself away from his party members to spare himself the pain the next time. he's never been loved by people like that before and it was wonderful but it makes him so much easier to hurt, so it's better to keep things shallow, easy, trysts with strangers and comrades in battle only because he can't take on a whole group by himself.

lucky for him the party member who bit him is also feeling extremely fucked up about it! so they both independently start to pull away from the party. and one of their party members, the little pumpkin leshy who faedren taught to read, gets fucking Slaughtered, and so what is there to really keep them together any longer?

anyway. faedren pulls away. and it's one thing to promise yourself that you'll do that and it's another thing to be face-to-face with the Distance between yourself and the people you were so close with. and he's so so sad and so frustrated with the lack of simplicity and the lack of trust and he's only ever been taught how to channel that into anger

faedren's only ever having been taught to channel negative emotions into anger, and when he's finally dealing with intense negative emotions that he can’t falsely cheer himself out of or staunchly ignore, he only knows how to turn it into tenseness, standoffishness, anger. and he’s not angry. he’s so so sad in a way that he’s never been before (and possibly in a way that he’s always been but has never let himself recognize) but when it starts bubbling over he only has one channel for it. so when he flinches without meaning to at the sight of his party member around a corner (because even though they have lurked in the shadows as long as he's known them, his body doesn't trust them like that anymore) the only thing that reaction can become for him is clenched fists and a tense jaw and eventually snapped harsh words that he doesn’t mean and that he would never have said before. trying not to put a hand to his sword but if his body is in fight or flight then fighting is all his body knows how to do.

so he crosses a bunch of little lines doing things that he didn’t really mean to do and wouldn’t have wanted to do and regrets doing, but he’s never been taught to apologize, and he’s never substantially fucked something up with someone who he actually had to repair a relationship with over something that he actually did wrong and so he just. doesn’t. he gets defensive. gets angrier about it. he knows somewhere implicitly that yelling at his party member after a battle that went wrong was not the right thing to do and that it wasn’t justified, he knows that he wouldn’t have wanted to yell at his friend otherwise, but it’s so so so much easier on his heart to let his mind start spinning the cognitive dissonance into defensiveness. false justifications. more anger in response to being too harsh to begin with. and it cycles and cycles and cycles.

and THIS is where i get back around to my main point because i think this is where faedren starts turning into the person that people THINK he is.

my vision for faedren is that this is when he starts to develop an ego. because this is when he starts putting up walls: he finally gets the love he's wanted for so long and it's ripped away from him, and he's so so sad and so so angry, and he puts up boundaries to protect himself. builds up an ego to protect himself. says, for the first time, "no, i don't want to be hurt," and starts channeling that frustration out on other people. and this is where he does become malicious, because it's where he starts saying "i want other people to feel the hurt that i'm feeling." this is where his revenge fanaticism becomes less about devotional acts for his goddess and more about him becoming genuinely furious at the smallest slight, and carving out pounds of flesh for himself in retribution because it's gratifying. like i said, i don't think that faedren ever really truly has ill intent toward people unless they disrespected someone he loves: i think this gives him the capacity to hate people, given time.

and he's drinking more. and following the pleasures of the flesh. and if he's sleeping with people it's not for any care or connection with them. and he's mean in a way that he wasn't before, that he didn't have the capacity for. and violence is just another pleasure to indulge in because even if it doesn't lessen his own hurt at least he can watch someone else suffer for it. if faedren's ever manipulative it's at this point in his life: when he starts wanting things and taking them from other people. putting his insane intimidation stat to good use. enjoying the lying as the 'trickery' aspect of his goddess' edicts. and then there's the bad person that people have been interpreting him as. which is all to say that i think faedren gets hot and evil. nd i'm really passionate about it 👍