#lord knows I’m not like in perfect mental health or I don’t still have problems that make life difficult | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

wallflowerimagines · 3 years ago

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Hello! Um... I don’t really know how to start this but say I love your hc! I think you do a fantastic job on them, there all very sweet but being the s.o.b I am I’m here to ask for some angst. How would you think the lords act if their S/O died?

...I'm feeling mean. 😈

Warnings: Angst, Death, Horror Game villains making bad decisions/not coping with tragedy, suicide.

Alcina Dimitrescu

Denial, Denial, Denial

You can't be dead. There has to be something, anything that she can do to save you. Alcina scrambles for a solution, attacking the problem from all sides, despite the reality of the situation staring her in the face.

Immediately injects your body with Cadou in a desperate hope to save you. Any possible chance that he has to save you she's going to take it.

It's not likely that your corpse reanimates, but it does mutate. At the end of the process, what's left of your body hardly even looks like you anymore, and she can't bring herself to look at it.

She builds a gilded crypt for your body-- it's stunning. It's inspired by you, all your favorite colors, styles and hobbies are incorporate to make the room feel full of your spirit. Alcina is an artistic woman, and she throws herself into the project like she's possessed.

It might take years, even decades to complete. It has to be perfect. When it's done she feels accomplished, but twice as empty. It might be one of the most beautiful dedications she's ever made, but it can't replace you. She has the room sealed off with no way to get to it, so she can't be tempted to visit. She just needs a piece of of you still in her home, or she can't get through the day.

...If your corpse does reanimate, it's actually worse for Alcina. Whatever she brought back was a shambling, horrifying mess of mold wearing your face. It couldn't think for itself, or even follow commands--it just wanders in circles and attacks anything that gets too close.

She keeps your reanimated corpse in a cell, unable to bring herself to destroy it completely. Sometimes, she'll go down to the basement and talk to the thing like it is you, telling it about her day, having one-sided conversations and thinking of all the wonderful memories the two of you shared.

When its dead eyes meet hers, her lungs seize in her chest and tears gather in her eyes. Alcina doesn't cry often, but when your corpse meets her gaze she starts to sob. Those eyes used to look at her with life and love and now...

Still, she can't stop herself from visiting it. It's a compulsion she can't stop, and it tears open the wound every time, but some irrational part of her deep, deep down thinks that one day, she'll descend those steps and you'll be there to greet her with a warm smile.

In either scenario, she will never have another partner. You're impossible to replace, and she feels truly, genuinely empty without you. Rest well, Darling. You'll never be forgotten.

Donna Beneviento

There is such a thing as a last straw, and this is it for Donna.

Please remember: this is a woman who has lost everything. Mother Miranda might have given her a new "family", but Donna is not nearly as attached to these new members as she is to her original family. And the loss of her original family has shaped her in such a way that if you died? She would be absolutely devastated.

It's not fair to put this kind of pressure on you, but in a very real way you were her last hope for normalcy. She had all these plans to fix her family with you. You were so instrumental to her hopes for the future that now that you're gone, it feels like she has no hope at all. You were her missing link, her one true love, and now that you're dead...

Donna screams until her throat is raw when she finds out you're gone. Angie can't help her, nothing can. She just can't cope with reality anymore.

She'll build a life sized Doll of you to try to help herself cope, but the minute she tries to implant of piece of her Cadou in it, she is filled with such a vehement hatred of the thing that she starts scream-crying before she takes an axe to it's face and hacks it to pieces. How dare it pretend to be you?!! It's not even close to the real thing, she shouldn't even have tried--

She might try to induce a hallucination of you to help her get through the day to day, but it's not the same. She can't perfectly mimic your laugh, or your smile, or the way you tuck her hair away from her face. It's so obviously not you, and Donna is... alone.

I do hate to say it, but she will absolutely try to kill herself if you died. You were the one person who understood her, empathized with her, and you were her best friend. You were her support system, the one person who could carry her through the worst times in her life, but you're gone. Donna can't believe that anyone else could be there for her like you were.

Salvatore Moreau

Absolutely, irreparably broken.

When the two of you were in a relationship, you busied yourself not only with smothering Salvatore in all of the love and affection that you could, but you also did a lot to help his self-esteem and mental health.

You made sure he knew that he was loved, that you could never hate him, and even on your death bed you make him promise never to forget how wonderful he is.

Once you're gone, though, Salvatore cracks.

He clings to every bit of you felt behind. All of your jewelry, clothing, pictures and sentimental items are preserved to the best of his ability. Your living space is transformed into a shrine dedicated to you.

It's not healthy, but he also deifies you in his memory. Mother Miranda is no longer the only person that he worships-- the memory of you is now sacred to him. You become something holy and perfect in his mind's eye. It doesn't matter how many flaws you had in reality, your death has turned even your worst flaws into traits to be admired and praised. His perception of you is totally twisted.

Speaking of Mother Miranda, he regresses a lot. His adoration of Mother Miranda was something you were helping him work through, but now he's right back at square one, and even worse off than before.

Moreau can't make a decision on his own anymore--from what to say, to what to do, and sometimes even what to eat. After all, it's his fault that you died, isn't it? You were his partner and he used to be is a doctor. How could he possibly trust himself with anything when he couldn't manage to save the most important thing in his life?

To the rest of his family, he's more pathetic than before. His obsession with his Mother was usually limited to when she was in the room, but now it's constant.

If he ever hears the quote "It's better to have loved and lost, then never loved at all," he gets supremely, violently angry. No. No, that's not true, it's bullshit, how dare you even say that to his face.

If he hadn't loved you, you would be alive. He would be alone, but you would be safe. You would be happy.

Now he's alone, and all you are is dead. He can't ever come back from it.

Karl Heisenberg

Rage. Unending, earth shattering Rage.

Whatever killed you better start to fucking pray, because Karl Heisenberg will not quit until it's suffering.

He doesn't kill who or whatever it was. He let's it sit there, mangled beyond belief, and uses his knowledge of mechanics and biology to keep it alive in constant, unending pain.

It's cathartic for him, but not in a healthy way. The more he hurts it, the better he feels, but at the end of the day, you're still gone, and he's still alone.

He's... lost.

Heisenberg should be angry, fuck he wants to be angry more than anything, but the longer he keeps the thing alive... emotions seem like they're too far away anymore. He wants to scream, he wants to cry, he wants... you.

He keeps something of yours in his pocket at all times, just to run his fingers over it and remember you. Your eyes, your laugh, your smile... It's almost like a stress ball, and these days sticking his hand into his pocket to wrap his fingers around the thing is the only way he can calm down.

Sometimes he turns to ask your opinion on something, or tell you a joke with a big smile on his face because this one is going to make you laugh for sure-- and then he freezes when the reality sets in once again. You're not here.

Remember, Heisenberg has idealized the two of you as this perfect partnership. You were the first person who looked at him and loved everything that you saw. You weren't just his first real relationship, the first person that he implicitly trusted, but you were also his very first real friend.

He wasn't the most friendly person to begin with, but he did get better because of you. He was still spoiled, a little socially awkward, and maybe his dark sense of humor would slip and get a little too much, but he grew as a person.

Now that you're gone, he can't even remember what it's like not being a cruel, empty shell of rage. All he has left is his hatred of Mother Miranda.

After a while, it doesn't matter if he's ready to take her on or not. He's going to face that bitch head on and kill her, or die trying.

If he wins, he's finally free. If he doesn't... that's not so bad either. Karl doesn't really believe in an afterlife, but there's something appealing about joining you wherever you might be.

#angst #death #alcina dimitrescu x reader #donna beneviento x reader #salvatore moreau x reader #karl heisenburg x reader #lady dimitrescu #alcina dimitrescu #donna beneviento #salvatore moreau #karl heisenberg #re8 #resident evil village #resident evil 8 #resident evil #dead reader #tw: suicide

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chaozsilhouette · 3 years ago

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Moonlit Musings

The night is such a perfect time to face one’s darkest truths. Shrouded in the moon’s light what can one do but admit to their flaws. It can be a time of rejuvenation and rebirth, only if you let it.

§~~~~§~~~~§~~~~§

It was a quiet night.

The full moon hung high in the heavens accompanied by millions of stars. Not a cloud to be seen, an ideal night for passions to run wild. Normally people would be taking out their telescopes or arranging romantic picnics.

Sadly, nights like these only filled Sun Wukong with dread. It was a night like this when he was finally able to return after the Journey. That was the night he learned he had lost a precious treasure.

When he returned, he expected to be greeted by his subjects until Macaque showed himself. He expected to be strangled as the pale furred monkie admonished him for his recklessness. He expected to watch as fury transformed into tearful joy as they embraced one another for the first time in over five hundred years.

But that wasn’t what happened.

The moment he set foot back onto Flower Fruit Mountain, he sensed something was very wrong. Like his previous return trips, his subjects greeted him with loud celebrations. The new mothers showed off their infants. The young ones wasted no time climbing all over him, taking in the scent of their king.

The immortal elders, however, looked concerned.

That was when he realized Macaque’s scent on the mountain was far too faint. Even the magical signature of his clones no longer felt fresh.

Macaque was nowhere to be found. The monkeys reported Macaque had returned a few years after he stopped by the mountain earlier in the Journey but not as his usual self. He didn’t respond to any of their questions. He didn’t even take time to check in on the infants. He didn’t say a word.

He just entered the mansion, but no one saw him leave.

Entering the mansion, Wukong dashed to their room desperate for answers. Opening the doors, he saw the room was horribly empty, sure all of his belonging were exactly as he remembered them, but all of Macaque’s stuff was gone. Macaque’s closet was empty and all his books had vanished. Despite his desperate hopes, there wasn’t any signs of a struggle or hidden messages to be found.

Macaque left of his own free will, but why?

He couldn’t bring himself to sleep in the bed they shared so many nights together. Every time he dared, he awoke expect to be greeted with the comforting warmth of familiar presence, instead he opened his eyes to a cold emptiness.

The lack of answers broke his heart, but he didn’t have time to start tearing the landscape apart trying to find him. Now that he was back for good, he had so many responsibilities to catch up on. He was determined to be a good king for his subjects and that meant ughthinking things through. Plus, he wanted to spend as much time with his master and brothers as possible.

Then there was the concerning fact all his previous allies had severed their alliance with him.

Apparently after all the fuss with the Demon Bull King, word had spread that Wukong broke their alliance by disrespecting protocol and attacking the royal family. Plus, his new position as a defender of humanity annoyed more than a few respectable demons. Combined with the sheer number of powerful demons he killed on the Journey cemented the idea that having an alliance with him would only end poorly.

He was banned from court meetings and the other kings in the surrounding areas wanted nothing to do with him. The chaotic nature of his past had finally caught up to him and in the worst possible way.

He was still recognized as the Monkey King of the Sun Court but was effectively blacklisted. No one wanted to mess with him, but they also didn’t want to interact with him. Not good for his mental health to say the least.

Simians are naturally social creatures. Wukong was used to constantly being around other people and learning new things. His time imprisoned was not kind. His first year of freedom had him constantly climbing over his brothers and master just to reassure himself that this was real.

And now that he couldn’t reconnect with old faces unless it was through a battle to the death…It forced him to delve into old memories. Memories that while sweet only made the emptiness more pronounced.

§~~~~§~~~~§~~~~§

Sun Wukong smiled as he watched Macaque’s reaction.

The six-eared monkie was furiously pinching the bridge between his eyebrows after he shattered a boulder with a careless headbutt as though it would make his life mercifully easier. “You’ll have to explain it to me again. What did you mean by ‘no longer under Yama’s jurisdiction’?”

“Exactly what I said. I was napping. Having some time to myself, when out of nowhere some idiots tried to take my soul to the afterlife.” Wukong explained as though having entities of death rip out your soul to drag it to the underworld was no big deal.

“Bet you weren’t happy.” Macaque couldn’t help but smirk at the flippant tone. He just made it so difficult to stay mad.

“Not in the slightest. I barged my way to the top brass, bunch of cowards called the Ten Kings (totally undeserved titles by the way) and demanded what the fuck was going on.” He was still ticked off even if the payoff was sweet. Seriously! Did immortality mean nothing to these cowards? They couldn’t even play it off as him dying in battle. He was in the peak of his youth! “Can you believe they tried to play it off as a misunderstanding? Should have smacked the loudmouth when I was there.”

“So, through a series of ridiculous events, you erased your name from the records of the dead.” Macaque could easily piece together the rest from there. No matter how ridiculous the odds. He learned never to bet against his friend when a problem could be handled with brute strength or intimidation. If it didn’t look like such an answer was possible, clearly, they hadn’t experienced the force of a determined Wukong. Something about facing a ticked off monkie of practically infinite strength and invulnerability left harden conquerors pissing themselves.

It was hilarious.

“Not just mine. In my infinite wisdom, I erased the names of several of the monkey inhabitants of esteemed Flower Fruit Mountain, including yours.” Wukong playfully booped Macaque’s nose.

Turning away to hide a light blush, Macaque scoffed to cover his embarrassing response. “Typical. I can’t leave you alone for five minutes without you doing something insane.”

“I know. I’m just that awesome.”

“So what? Are we now double immortal?” That was the question wasn’t it. Due to their master’s instructions, they were immortal and ageless, so what exactly would this give them? He didn’t feel any different. He couldn’t sense any new powers or changes in his instincts.

His counterpart, however, had other things on his mind. “Who cares. All I know is that those idiots have no control over our souls anymore.” And with that the King took his rightful place across Macaque’s lap as the other returned to his scrolls.

Wukong instead took the time to examine his friend, who finally gained enough confidence to fully drop his glamour and embrace his true appearance.

He still couldn’t believe Macaque actually had six ears. The weird part was how natural they looked, almost as if seeing him with only two was bizarre. The coolest part was how each pair softly glowed a different color. Blue. Purple. Red. Sometimes Wukong would just stare at them, imagining that he could see glittering stars emanating from that glow.

Suddenly those magnificent ears twitched. Macaque didn’t bother looking up from the bamboo scroll. “A trespasser...multiple, boar and vulture demon. Another hunting party”.

“Again. Ugh. Don’t these idiots ever give up!” Don’t get him wrong, Wukong loved a good fight. What better way to prove how superior you are to others than to steal what’s most precious to them? But even he was starting to grow bored with the sheer number of hunters that thought kidnapping his subjects was a quick cash grab.

After the fifth army he returned in pieces to the surrounding upstart lords, you’d think they’d take a hint.

Thankfully he wasn’t the only powerhouse on the mountain. “I haven’t tasted blood in a while. Why don’t I defend the kingdom while your highness enjoys a show?” Macaque set aside his reading material, eyes glittering with bloodlust.

Wukong returned the smirk with one of his own. “I’m always up for a good thrashing. One request: make it glorious.”

“Don’t I always.” Macaque joked as he retrieved his spear from his own shadow.

Wukong summoned his cloud and claimed a good vantage point. Once again, he marveled at his friend’s hearing. Judging by the distance it would have been at least three hours before he would have detected their presence.

Kicking back, he transformed some hair into a fruit platter and waited for the screams.

§~~~~§~~~~§~~~~§

To this day, Wukong knew Macaque was alive. Thanks to his efforts combined with the intense training, the monkie was double immortal. Besides, that monkkie was way too stubborn to die. He would survive purely on spite if he had to.

Macaque left, but why?

While he may have effectively isolated himself, that didn’t mean he didn’t hear about the other courts. A few centuries ago, he heard rumors about the formation of a new court by someone under the title of the Macaque King. Supposedly they were a powerful monkie who knew way more than he had the right to. For a brief moment, Wukong dared to hope it was his old friend, but it didn’t last. The few recounts he caught described him with black fur. Besides, he knew how much Macaque hated the title of King. Even when Wukong offered him the position as co-ruler of his kingdom, the pale monkie adamantly refused.

Still, he was curious.

For a few weeks he could have sworn he detected a familiar scent hiding underneath Mk’s. And he wasn’t the only one who noticed. A few of the immortal monkeys questioned him on the mango infused scent and what his plans were. It was almost too much to take in.

To think he returned to teach his student instead of showing his face. It hurt just to think about it. He chose to ignore the beckoning scent until it became impossible to ignore MK’s leap in progress. Then it just vanished like it hadn’t been testing his patience. Like it hadn’t brought him to the brink of shaking the kid upside down until he confessed where his old friend was hiding. The kid probably grew wise, or someone told him to change his bathing habits, and by the next training session it was all but gone.

Dragging his hand down his face, Wukong tried to reevaluate his thoughts.

Getting mad at the kid wasn’t going to solve anything. He knew he hadn’t been the most attentive master. Hell, the whole hammer exercise at its core was a desperate attempt to remove a painful reminder of better times. His master would be disappointed in how he was running away from his problems, but would encourage him to take the steps to be better. Zhu Bajie would be a sarcastic little shit, trying to get him riled up so the monkie would prove him wrong. Sha Wujing would sit him down and wouldn’t let him leave until they talked everything through.

He had to make things right with the kid. He deserved a better master. And this New Years he was gonna get one.

He spoke, praying the winds would carry his voice to his Warrior.

“Macaque. I know it’s been a while, but…I-I want to talk. I know you’re out there, somewhere I can’t reach. I miss sparring with you. I miss lazy days napping in the shade by your side. I miss defending the mountain as we held contests to see who could take out the most trespassers before their common sense kicked in. I miss you. Please come home.”

§~~~~§~~~~§~~~~§

The moon was high in the sky. Stars danced in the heavens as the faintest hints of vibrations pulsed through the concrete from the late-night dance clubs. MK lay awake, his mind struggling to make sense of it all.

Ever since Macaque disappeared in order to remain undetected, he kept thinking about his relationship with the Monkey King. Sure, he was being trained and he was definitely making progress. The monkie was still on his case for supposedly cheating on him with another mentor. Nothing MK said or did could make the monkie think otherwise. Thankfully, he was no longer shooting him suspicious glares, but the underlying tension remained.

The sad truth is they just weren’t that close.

He would have expected to learn more about the Monkey King on a personal and emotional level, but he just couldn’t get past that wall. Their training sessions felt more like just the Monkey King arranged just to get it over with. There was no passion at all.

Okay, perhaps that last bit was an exaggeration.

When you peered past the arrogance and pride, you found one socially awkward monkie. It was similar to Red Son the more he thought about it, both seemed to find it difficult to talk to or relate to others in a friendly setting. Sure, Monkey King projected a friendly demeanor and called him “bud”, but if he didn’t know any better he could have sworn the monkie was afraid to take that final step.

The last few sessions had taken a bit of a turn in a positive direction as Sandy would say. Maybe Monkey King decided it was time to make a change? Maybe this was all a trick so MK would lower his guard and reveal Macaque’s identity? Maybe he was just tired and should have conked out an hour ago?

Maybe.

Reality was so different from the legends. When Tang first introduced him to the Monkey stories, he was hooked. He loved listening to the tales of the infamous trickster that flipped off every major religious figure with unbridled confidence. Meeting the Great Sage in the flesh was like a dream come true until he was exposed to the King’s less pleasant tendencies.

Mk couldn’t help but wonder just how much confidence the Monkey King had in his training skills. Did he ever train someone before? Could MK talk to someone about this without appearing even more ungrateful than he already looked? Why didn’t he stop Red Son from unsealing his father when he was there? Why didn’t he simply seal the entire family when they were reunited? Why did the five times immortal sage decide that now he needed to train a disciple? Was Monkey King not telling him something important?

He had so many questions and not even the foggiest idea of where to start looking. Or perhaps he did?

The truth was he missed Macaque. The dark-furred monkie may have only taught him for a month, but the progress he made and the level of care he was exposed to made him feel as though he had finally unlocked the ability to fly.

He missed the regular grooming. He missed learning about the demon community. He missed learning new ways to mess with Red Son through appropriate court manners.

Watching the fire user freeze up at the term “honorable prince of the Iron Bull Court” just made him laugh, when his hair combusted it really matched his face. Now that he thought about it, were those horns starting to peek out of his forehead? And maybe the slightest hint of a tufted tail swiping the bottom of his coat? Seeing the demon frantically compose himself was a treat he didn’t know he needed. He still had the video saved as one of his favorites, didn’t hurt that Mei caught it at the perfect angle.

Oh yeah, he missed that.

With any luck, New Years would be the start of something better.

§~~~~§~~~~§~~~~§

On an island that remained surrounded by unquenchable storms, a single black-furred monkie sat cross-legged in a secluded part attached to the palace. All around him fruit trees and bushes bore a hefty bounty releasing an intoxicating scent of life.

Ears twitched.

Macaque opened his eyes, aroused from his meditation. It was odd. He had the faintest sensation that someone had been talking about him. Now that wasn’t exactly unusual, he made plenty of allies and enemies across the centuries. What was odd was that the voice sounded like someone he once cherished.

But that couldn’t be right.

The deceptive silence of his personal orchard gave him no answers. Not that he really expected it to.

For some reason he refused to identify, Macaque turned to the single peach tree in the grove. A tribute from his past and a reminder of his mistakes. But it was also a valuable resource once he learned the truth about the peach’s properties. He used its powers to protect many happy relationships, if only it could have helped him so long ago.

No matter.

He still had many projects to work on, including one successor just rife with insecurities. He honestly felt bad ducking out as he did. If things were different, he would have offered him a new life. His Stars were always happy to welcome a new member into their budding community.

As a bonus, his presence would have interrupted their constant attempts to set him up with new dates. He adored their efforts but being paired with partners who only wanted power or he would view only as friends was not something he enjoyed. Although watching them mentally destroy those they didn’t find suitable for him was quite entertaining.

Either way, New Years was coming up fast and he still needed to approve a few changes. His Stars were determined to make sure this event topped last years in every way possible, but they had to make sure they didn’t set the orchard on fire again. Or worse, they could launch the fireworks into the storm barrier. He wasn’t sure why or how, but the tornadoes and clouds turned different colors as explosions rang throughout the night.

It was beautiful but lost its charm after the third day.

#lego monkie kid au #Vanishing Shadow Au #sun wukong #mk #monkie kid #six eared macaque #liu er mihou #rainbow eared macaque #crazy family #Macaque!Dad

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deanisridingapolarbear-blog · 4 years ago

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The issue with Teddy’s personality

I’ve come across claims that Teddy especially does not have a personality outside his relationship with Billy and that he’s just portrayed as the boyfriend/hubby. Another claim is that he has lost all his traits in the recent years. I’d like to disagree and you are in for a long post (once again). Starting with little things, in Emperor Hulkling we see the glimpses of Teddy’s ”nerdy” side you know with the console and comics laying around, taking selfies with Spidey, think it’s a bit similar hint as in the Drag Brunch where he stays in eating his cereal and watching cartoons (as the lord intended, which could also be seen as a joke towards his religious school background). He is still being bit snarky and witty too as he always has been.

Then comparing Billy and Teddy, people say that they don’t have personality outside each other or that Teddy just doesn’t have one but I do disagree. He has and it is there just as it has been in the first issues. Teddy has always been pictured as the ultimate kind soft boy with a sharp with right? I’m not going to say the boys are complete opposite as they are not but their traits just come out differently. Billy is just as kind I’d say but more anxious and tends to be a bit self-absorbed. Now I don’t mean he is selfish just that he has tendency to stress and lose the bigger picture while worrying over how his actions affect others or if he can control his powers etc. Teddy is more optimistic he has faced a lot, just as much as Billy I’d say, he just has a different approach to deal with the trauma. He looks for support and help and ways to solve it instead of piling it up. This optimistic personality, kindness and way he approaches problems (inner or outer) is clearly part of him being an emperor. Taking the pacifist and diplomatic approaches.

Another difference between these two is connected with the problem solving part. To me Billy is pretty intuitive and quick on his feet type of person. His approach is bit more impulse based. Going to Doom’s fortress on his own in the middle of the night anyone? Hiding robots under the mattress? Vol. 2.? I’m not saying he can’t follow or come up with well drafted plans he just has more tendency for think plan b after plan a fails. Teddy then is more of a planner and plotter in my eyes. During the first run he disguised twice as someone else first as Ironlad and then as Super-Skrull, both plans probably drafted quite quickly but still they follow maybe a bit more careful and tactical thinking than Billy’s. Similarly ”Don’t keep brain in your head” in New Avengers. He just has a bit more long term planner in him, which is also visible in Death’s Head when he and Kate talk about the wedding. It gives a vibe that Teddy does give a bit more thought to future than Billy does. He does the long term planning for them maybe because with Billy’s mental health it can be hard for him to plan ahead too much without getting anxious. Which is why I think the Vegas wedding is just reflection of Teddy’s nature.

He clearly has had this plan ready probably for a while now, knowing that ”proper” wedding planning might not work with Billy. What he was waiting was the perfect timing to execute the plan, when Billy seems ready and in right state of mind to go through the wedding. When it came he took it and you can see he had thought of Billy and the fact that the situation might be such that it is sudden and not possible for everyone without super-powers to attend -> streaming for Billy’s parents as Billy would want his parents present somehow (as would Teddy). So again it’s not about being complete opposite and not being able to make fast decisions or commit for long term plans just that they have different strengths.

Teddy also shows signs of having a bit more willingness to take upon responsibilities and be responsible for others. He might not been ready to become emperor of two massive alien races or is he yet fully moulded leader but he felt the pressure to take on that responsibility to save lives. Putting others needs before his own a bit, just like he sometimes does a bit with Billy. We also see a bit of his growth to that task. Think it’s natural continuum to Teddy’s story arc as he has faced a lot losing his mother, supporting Billy and having to take responsibility for himself. Like yes Kaplans have surely taken good care of him but Teddy is type that doesn’t want to be a burden and clearly has held back some of his own battles to let Billy get enough support (Vol.2). I’m not saying Billy hasn’t matured or anything just that there is ought to be a small gap on this area between them. It is also reflected in King in Black (yes I disliked the issue just as much as any but hear me out). In Teddy’s part it was done well whereas Billy just had been taken to an extreme length of contrast to make them appear clearly different in nature.

Empyre in general showed great growth of Teddy starting with Emperor Hulkling and going on through-out the run. Like the boy who usually has just been kind of quiet member of a team is standing up to what he believes in and taking his ground when he really believes in what he is doing. Even if it’s against F4 and Avengers that he has fanboyed in the past.

I also think that lot of Teddy’s growth and personality is being skipped by the fandom as Billy tends to be the more popular part of the pair. I admit Teddy’s personality and growth have been shown to us more delicately and with a bit less drama/tragedy at the end of the day that it can go amiss and probably for some his arc can thus be a bit boring even because the telling goes along with Teddy’s calm and pretty stable personality.

All in all his original traits are still there they’ve just grown up with him.

#teddy altman #hulkling #teddy kaplan altman #billy kaplan #billy kaplan altman #wiccan marvel #empyre marvel #emperor hulkling #wiccan x hulkling #wickling #death's head #young avengers #how can i make these analysis my day job?

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sk1fanfiction · 4 years ago

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the many faces of tom riddle, part 4

-attachment, orphanages, and yet more child psych: time to add yet another voice to the void-

FULL DISCLAIMER THAT THIS IS JUST MY OPINION OF A CHARACTER WHO DOESN’T HAVE THE STRONGEST CANON CHARACTERIZATION, AND THUS ALL THIS IS BASED ON MY CONCEPTUALIZATION.

I'm going to be super biased, because my favorite portrayal of Tom Riddle is actually Hero Fiennes-Tiffin as eleven-year-old Tom Riddle, in HBP and I get to chat about child psych in this one, sooo here we go.

First of all, I’m just so impressed that a kid could bring that much depth to such a complex character.

This is the portrayal, I feel, that brings us closest to Tom’s character. Yes, Coulson’s brought us pretty close, but by fifth year, the mask was on.

We don't really get to see Tom looking afraid very often, but it's fear that rules his life, so it's really poignant in our first (chronologically) introduction, he looks absolutely terrified.

The void being the fandom's loud opinions on a certain headmaster. I wouldn't call myself pro-Dumbledore, but I'm certainly not anti-Dumbledore, either. (Agnostic-Dumbledore??)

Since I'm not of the anti-Dumbledore persuasion, I decided to poke around in the tags and see what the arguments were, so I don't make comments out of ignorance.

Most of the tag seems to be more directed towards his treatment of Harry and Sirius, but a few people mentioned that Dumbledore should have treated Tom with ‘exceptional kindness’ and tried to ‘rehabilitate’ him.

As I said in Parts 2 and 3, I am 100% in favor of helping a traumatized kid learn to cope, and I don’t think Tom Riddle was solidly on the Path to Evil (TM) at birth, or even at eleven. Not even at fifteen.

Could unconditional love and kindness have helped Tom Riddle enough for the rise of Lord Voldemort to never happen? Possibly, but...

Yes, I'm about to drag up that Carl Jung quote, again.

“I am not what happened to me, I am what I choose to become.”

The problem with this is that if you’re going to blame Dumbledore for this, you also have to blame every other adult in Tom’s life: his headmaster, Dippet, his Head of House, Slughorn, his ‘caretakers’ at the orphanage, Mrs. Cole and Martha, and possibly more. In fact, if we're going to blame any adult, let's blame Merope for r*ping and abusing Tom Riddle Senior, and having a kid she wasn't intending to take care of.

Furthermore, you cannot possibly hold anyone but Tom accountable for the murders he committed. (I should not have to sit here and explain why cold-blooded murder is wrong.) And if you like Tom Riddle's character, insinuating that his actions are completely at the whim of others is just a bit condescending towards him. He's not an automaton or a marionette, he's a very intelligent human being with a functioning brain, and at sixteen is fully capable of moral reasoning and critical analysis.

I've heard the theories about Dumbledore setting the Potters up to die, and I'm not going to discuss their validity right now; but he didn't put a wand in Tom's hand and force him to kill anyone. Tom did it all of his own accord.

And while yes, I have enormous sympathy for what happened to Tom as a child, at some point, he decided to murder Myrtle Warren, and that is where I lose my sympathy. Experiencing trauma does not give you the right to inflict harm on others. Yes, Tom was failed, but then, he spectacularly failed himself.

We also have no idea how Dumbledore treated Tom as a student.

In the movies, it’s Dumbledore who tells Tom he has to go back to the orphanage, but in the books, it’s Dippet. We know that Slughorn spent a lot of time around Tom at Slug Club and such, yet I don’t really see people clamoring for his head.

I regard the sentiment that Dumbledore turned Tom Riddle into Lord Voldemort with a lot of skepticism.

But let's hear from the character himself -- his impression of eleven-year-old Tom Riddle.

“Did I know that I had just met the most dangerous Dark wizard of all time?” said Dumbledore. “No, I had no idea that he was to grow up to be what he is. However, I was certainly intrigued by him. I returned to Hogwarts intending to keep an eye upon him, something I should have done in any case, given that he was alone and friendless, but which, already, I felt I ought to do for others’ sake as much as his."

Now, assuming that Dumbledore's telling the truth, I'm not seeing something glaringly wrong with this. No, he hasn't pigeonholed Tom as evil, yes, I'd be intrigued, too, and it's a very good idea to keep an eye on Tom, for his own sake.

“At Hogwarts,” Dumbledore went on, “we teach you not only to use magic, but to control it. You have — inadvertently, I am sure — been using your powers in a way that is neither taught nor tolerated at our school."

Again, it seems like he's at least somewhat sympathetic towards Tom, and is willing to at least give him a chance.

More evidence (again, assuming Dumbledore is a reliable narrator):

Harry: “Didn’t you tell them [the other professors], sir, what he’d been like when you met him at the orphanage?” Dumbledore: “No, I did not. Though he had shown no hint of remorse, it was possible that he felt sorry for how he had behaved before and was resolved to turn over a fresh leaf. I chose to give him that chance.”

Now, I think Dumbledore is pretty awful with kids, but I don't think that's malicious. Yeah, it's a flaw, but perfect people don't exist, and perfect characters are dead boring. I am not saying that he definitely handled Tom's case well, I'm just saying that there's little evidence that Dumbledore, however shaken and scandalized, wrote him off as 'evil snake boy.'

It's also worth taking into account that it's 1938, and the attitudes towards mental health back then.

Why is Tom looking at Dumbledore like that, anyway? Why is he so scared? What has he possibly been threatened with or heard whispers of?

"'Professor'?" repeated Riddle. He looked wary. "Is that like 'doctor'? What are you here for? Did she get you in to have a look at me?"

"I don't believe you," said Riddle. "She wants me looked at, doesn't she? Tell the truth!"

"You can't kid me! The asylum, that's where you're from, isn't it? 'Professor,' yes, of course -- well, I'm not going, see? That old cat's the one who should be in the asylum. I never did anything to little Amy Benson or Dennis Bishop, and you can ask them, they'll tell you!

Tom keeps insisting he's not mad until Dumbledore finally manages to calm him down.

I'm really upset this wasn't in the movie, because it's important context. Instead we got these throwaway cutscenes of some knick-knacks relating to the Cave he's got lying around, but I just would have preferred to see him freaking out like he does in the book.

There was extreme stigma and prejudice towards mental illness.

'Lunatic asylums,' as they were called in Tom's time, were terrible places. In the 1930s and 40s, he could look forward to being 'treated' with induced convulsions, via metrazol, insulin, electroshock, and malaria injections. And if he stuck around long enough, he could even look forward to a lobotomy!

So, if you think Dumbledore was judgmental towards Tom, imagine how flat-out prejudiced whatever doctors or 'experts' Mrs. Cole might have gotten in to 'look at him' must have been!

Moving on to the next few shots, he is sitting down and hunched over as if expecting punishment or at least some kind of bad news, Dumbledore is mostly out of the frame. He’s trapped visually, by Dumbledore on one side, and a wall on the other, because he’s still very much afraid. uncomfortable, as he tells Dumbledore a secret that he fears could get him committed to an asylum (which were fucking horrible places, as I said).

It brings to the scene that miserable sense of isolation and loneliness to that has defined Tom’s entire life up to that point (and, partially due to his own bad choices, continues to define it).

And, when Dumbledore accepts it, his posture changes. he becomes more confident and more at ease, as he describes the... utilities of his magical abilities.

"All sorts," breathed Riddle. A flush of excitement was rising up his neck into his hollow cheeks; he looked fevered. "I can make things move without touching them. I can make animals do what I want them to do, without training them. I can make bad things happen to people who annoy me. I can make them hurt if I want to."

Riddle lifted his head. His face was transfigured: There was a wild happiness upon it, yet for some reason it did not make him better looking; on the contrary, his finely carved features seemed somehow rougher, his expression almost bestial.

I do think Harry, our narrator, is being a tad bit judgmental here. Magic is probably the only thing that brings Tom happiness in his grey, lonely world, and when I was Tom's age and being bullied, if I had magic powers, you'd better believe that I'd (a) be bloody ecstatic about it (b) use them. And, like Tom, I can't honestly say that I can't imagine getting a bit carried-away with it. Unfortunately, we can't all be as inherently good and kindhearted as Harry.

Reading HBP again, as a 'mature' person, it almost seems like the reader is being prompted to see Tom as evil just because he's got 'weird' facial expressions.

So... uh...

Nope, let's judge Tom on his actions, not looks of 'wild happiness.'

To his great surprise, however, Dumbledore drew his wand from an inside pocket of his suit jacket, pointed it at the shabby wardrobe in the corner, and gave the wand a casual flick. The wardrobe burst into flames. Riddle jumped to his feet; Harry could hardly blame him for howling in shock and rage; all his worldly possessions must be in there. But even as Riddle rounded on Dumbledore, the flames vanished, leaving the wardrobe completely undamaged.

Okay, one thing I dislike is Tom's lack of emotional affect when Dumbledore burned the wardrobe, in the books, he jumped up and started screaming, instead of looking passively (in shock, perhaps?) at the fire. Incidentally, I can't really tell if he's impressed or in shock, to be honest. I think they really tried to make Tom 'creepier' in the movie.

This is one of the incidents where Dumbledore's inability to deal with children crops up.

I think he was trying to teach Tom that magic can be dangerous, and he wouldn't like it to be used against him, but burning the wardrobe that contains everything he owns was a terrible move on Dumbledore's part. Tom already has very limited trust in other people, and now, he's not going to trust Dumbledore at all -- now, he's put Tom on the defensive/offensive for the rest of their interaction, and perhaps for the rest of their teacher-student relationship.

Riddle stared from the wardrobe to Dumbledore; then, his expression greedy, he pointed at the wand. "Where can I get one of them?"

"Where do you buy spellbooks?" interrupted Riddle, who had taken the heavy money bag without thanking Dumbledore, and was now examining a fat gold Galleon.

But I'm not surprised Tom is 'greedy.' He's grown up in an environment where if he wants something, whether that's affection, food, money, toys, he's got to take it. There's no one looking after his needs specifically. I'm not surprised that he's a thief and a hoarder, and I don't think that counts as a moral failing necessarily, and more of a maladaptive way of seeking comfort. It would be bizarre if he came out of Wool's Orphanage a complete saint.

Additionally, I think given that the Gaunt family has a history of 'mental instability,' Tom is a sensitive child, and the trauma of growing up institutionalized and possibly being treated badly due to his magical abilities or personality disorder deeply affected him.

And there are points where it seems that Dumbledore is quick to judge Tom.

"He was already using magic against other people, to frighten, to punish, to control."

"Yes, indeed; a rare ability, and one supposedly connected with the Dark Arts, although as we know, there are Parselmouths among the great and the good too. In fact, his ability to speak to serpents did not make me nearly as uneasy as his obvious instincts for cruelty, secrecy, and domination."

"I trust that you also noticed that Tom Riddle was already highly self-sufficient, secretive, and, apparently, friendless?..."

And while this is all empirically true, these are (a) a product of Tom's harsh environment, and (b) do not necessarily make him evil. But the point remains that child psych didn't exist as a field of its own, and psychology as a proper science was in its infancy, so I'd be shocked if Dumbledore was insightful about Tom's situation.

But I've gone a ton of paragraphs without citing anything, so I've got to rectify that.

Let's talk about Harry Harlow's monkey experiments in the 1950-70s.

If you're not a fan of animal research, since I know some people are uncomfortable with it, feel free to scroll past.

Here's the TL;DR: Children need to be hugged and shown affection too, not just fed and clothed, please don't leave babies to 'cry out' and ignore their needs because it's backwards and fucking inhumane. HUG AND COMFORT AND CODDLE CHILDREN AND SPOIL THEM WITH AFFECTION!

I will put more red writing when the section is over.

This is still an interesting experiment to have in mind while we explore the whole 'no one taught Tom Riddle how to love' thing and whether or not it's actually a good argument.

Andddd let's go all the way back to the initial 1958 experiment, featured in Harlow's paper, the Nature of Love. (If you're familiar with Maslow's Hierarchy of Needs, him and Harlow actually collaborated for a time).

To give you an idea of our starting point, until Harlow's experiment, which happened twenty years after Dumbledore meets Tom for the first time, no one in science had really been interested in studying love and affection.

"Psychologists, at least psychologists who write textbooks, not only show no interest in the origin and development of love or affection, but they seem to be unaware of its very existence."

I'm going to link some videos of Harry Harlow showing the actual experiment, which animal rights activists would probably consider 'horrifying.' It's nothing gory or anything, but if you are particularly soft-hearted (and I do not mean that as an insult), be warned. It's mostly just baby monkeys being very upset and Harlow discussing it in a callous manner. Yes, today it would be considered unethical, but it's still incredibly important work and if you think you can handle it, I would recommend watching at least the first one to get an idea of how dramatic this effect is.

Dependency when frightened

The full experiment

The TL;DW:

This experiment was conducted with rhesus macaques; they're still used in psychology/neuroscience research when you want very human-like subjects, because they are very intelligent (unnervingly so, actually). I'd say that adult ones remind me of a three-year old child.

Harlow separated newborn monkeys from their mothers, and cared for their physical needs. They had ample nutrition, bedding, warmth, et cetera. However, the researchers noticed that the monkeys:

(a) were absolutely miserable. And not just that, but although all their physical needs were taken care of, they weren't surviving well past the first few days of life. (This has also been documented in human babies, and it's called failure to thrive and I'll talk about it a bit later).

(b) showed a strong attachment to the gauze pads used to cover the floor, and decided to investigate.

So, they decided to provide a surrogate 'mother.' Two, actually. Mother #1 was basically a heated fuzzy doll that was nice for the monkeys to cuddle with. Mother #2 was the same, but not fuzzy and made of wire. Both provided milk. The result? The monkeys spent all their time cuddling and feeding from the fuzzy 'mother.' Perhaps not surprising.

What Harlow decided next, is that one of the hallmarks being attached to your caregiver is seeking hugs and reassurance from them when frightened. So, when the monkeys were presented with something scary, they'd go straight to the cloth mother and ignore the wire one. Not only that, but when placed in an unfamiliar environment, if the cloth mother was present, the monkeys would be much calmer.

In a follow-up experiment, Harlow decided to see if there was some sort of sensitive period by introducing both 'mothers' to monkeys who had been raised in isolation for 250 days. Guess what?

The initial reaction of the monkeys to the alterations was one of extreme disturbance. All the infants screamed violently and made repeated attempts to escape the cage whenever the door was opened. They kept a maximum distance from the mother surrogates and exhibited a considerable amount of rocking and crouching behavior, indicative of emotionality.

Yikes. So, at first Harlow thought that they'd passed some kind of sensitive period for socialization. But after a day or two they calmed down and started chilling out with the cloth mother like the other monkeys did. But here's a weird thing:

That the control monkeys develop affection or love for the cloth mother when she is introduced into the cage at 250 days of age cannot be questioned. There is every reason to believe, however, that this interval of delay depresses the intensity of the affectional response below that of the infant monkeys that were surrogate-mothered from birth onward

All these things... attachment, affection, love, seeking comfort ... are mostly learned behaviours.

Over.

Orphanages, institutionalized childcare, and why affection is a need, not an extra.

His face is lit the exact same was as Coulson’s was in COS (half-light, half-dark), and I said I was going to talk about this in Part 3. I think perhaps it's intended to make Fiennes-Tiffin look more evil or menacing, but I'm going to quite deliberately misinterpret it.

Now, for some context, Dumbledore has just (kind of) burned his wardrobe, ratted out his stealing habit, and (in the books only, they really took a pair of scissors to this scene) told him he needs to go apologize and return everything and Dumbledore will know if he doesn't, and, well, Tom's not exactly a happy bugger about it.

But interestingly, in the books, this is when we start to see Tom's 'persona,' aka his mask, start to come into play. Whereas before, he was screaming, howling, and generally freaking out, here, he starts to hide his emotions -- in essence, obscure his true self under a shadow. So this scene is really the reverse of Coulson's in COS.

And perhaps I'm reading wayyy too much into this, but I can't help but notice that Coulson's hair is parted opposite to Fiennes-Tiffin's, and the opposite sides of their faces are shadowed, too.

Riddle threw Dumbledore a long, clear, calculating look. "Yes, I suppose so, sir," he said finally, in an expressionless voice.

Riddle did not look remotely abashed; he was still staring coldly and appraisingly at Dumbledore. At last he said in a colorless voice, "Yes, sir."

Here's an article from The Atlantic on Romanian orphanages in the 1980s, when the dictator, Ceausescu, basically forced people to have as many children as possible and funnel them into institutionalized 'childcare', and it's absolutely heartbreaking.

There's not a whole lot of information out there on British orphanages in the 30s' and 40s', but given that people back then thought you just had to keep children on a strict schedule and feed them, it wouldn't have a whole lot better.

The only thing I've found is this, and it's not super promising.

The most important study informing the criteria for contemporary nosologies, was a study by Barbara Tizard and her colleagues of young children being raised in residential nurseries in London (Tizard, 1977). These nurseries had lower child to caregiver ratios than many previous studies of institutionalized children. Also, the children were raised in mixed aged groups and had adequate books and toys available. Nevertheless, caregivers were explicitly discouraged from forming attachments to the children in their care.

Here's a fairly recent paper that I think gives a good summary: Link

Here, they describe the responses to the Strange Situation test (which tests a child's attachment to their caregiver).

We found that 100% of the community sample received a score of “5,” indicating fully formed attachments, whereas only 3% of the infants living in institutions demonstrated fully formed attachments. The remaining 97% showed absent, incomplete, or odd and abnormal attachment behaviors.

Bowlby and Ainsworth, who did the initial study, thought that children would always attach to their caregivers, regardless of neglect or abuse. But some infants don't attach (discussed along with RAD in Part 2).

Here's a really good review paper on attachment disorders in currently or formerly institutionalized children : Link

Core features of RAD in young children include the absence of focused attachment behaviors directed towards a preferred caregiver, failure to seek and respond to comforting when distressed, reduced social and emotional reciprocity, and disturbances of emotion regulation, including reduced positive affect and unexplained fearfulness or irritability.

Which all sounds a lot like Tom in this scene. The paper also discusses neurological effects, like atypical EEG power distribution (aka brain waves), which can correlate with 'indiscriminate' behavior and poor inhibitory control; which makes sense for a kid who, oh, I don't know, hung another kid's rabbit because they were angry.

Furthermore...

...those children with more prolonged institutional rearing showed reduced amygdala discrimination and more indiscriminate behavior.

This again, makes a ton of sense for Tom's psychological profile, because the amygdala (which is part of the limbic system, which regulates emotions) plays a major role in fear, anger, anxiety, and aggression, especially with respect to learning, motivation and memory.

So, I agree completely that Tom needed a lot of help, especially given the fact that he spent eleven years in an orphanage (longer than the Bucharest study I was referring to), and Dumbledore wasn't exactly understanding of his situation, and probably didn't realise what a dramatic effect the orphanage had on Tom, and given the way he talks to Tom, probably treated him as if he were a kid who grew up in a healthy environment.

In case you are still unconvinced that hugging is that important, there's a famous 1944 study conducted on 40 newborn human infants to see what would happen if their physical needs (fed, bathed, diapers changed) were provided for with no affection. The study had to be stopped because half the babies died after four months. Affection leads to the production of hormones and boosts the immune system, which increases survival, and that is why we hug children and babies should not be in orphanages. They are supposed to be hugged, all the time. I can't find the citation right now, I'll add it later if I find it.

But I think it's vastly unrealistic to say that Dumbledore, who grew up during the Victorian Era, would have any grasp of this and I don't think he was actively malicious towards Tom.

Was Tom Riddle failed by institutional childcare? Absolutely.

Were the adults in his life oblivious to his situation? Probably.

Do the shitty things that happened to Tom excuse the murders he committed, and are they anyone's fault but his own? No. At the end of the day, Tom made all the wrong choices.

And, for what it's worth, I think (film) Dumbledore (although he expresses the same sentiment in more words in the books) wishes he could go back in time and have helped Tom.

"Draco. Years ago, I knew a boy, who made all the wrong choices. Please, let me help you."

#tom riddle #the many faces of #tom marvolo riddle #character analysis #character study #albus dumbledore

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spaceecoffe · 3 years ago

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LUZ ISN'T THE PROTAGONIST OF THE OWL HOUSE

Okay, so here are my thoughts after s02e07 (there will be spoilers probably!) and also after reading some of yours posts about series. I will make a list because I hate lists but I can't cope without them.

1. Let's start with the types of some basic narrations

1st Person narration - the one were we see everything from narrators point of view, we usually now their thoughts, the example could be Percy Jackson and the Olympians series

3rd Person narration - in this type we may or may not know character/characters thoughts and also we can follow actions of only one character or jump from one point of you to another. Harry Potter series is an example of following one character while in Game Of Thrones or The Heroes of Olympus we change a character in every chapter.

This is one way to distinguish types of narration. We can also do this by saying which type of character in our plot is the narrator:

The Protagonist - our narrator is also the hero of our story, just like Percy Jackson

The Secondary Character - our narrator is someone who is close to the hero of a story, for example a friend just like in The Great Gatsby or My Friend the King

The Detached Observer - we don't know who narrator is, we never hear his thoughts or opinions, there is never "me" or "I", we can see this type in Harry Potter or GONE

The Commentator - he doesn't take a part in the story but he puts his comments and thoughts to it, I think we have this one (unless something changed in later books) in Series of Unfortunate Events

We can probably add more to it but I think we don't have to do this in this post. What I want to tell is that we always naturally assume that Narrator (or character he follows) = The Protagonist unless we are informed at the beginning that things are different. Usually the author informs us at the beginning if Narrator is The Protagonist or no. It can be like in Series of Unfortunate Events where Narrator tells that this story will be about someone else or like in The Great Gatsby where we can assume this only by title of the book.

But all of this works perfectly in books while in movies/series it is harder to show us the Narrator. Usually we don't think about Narrator when we watch something. We think that no one has to tell us a story when we actually can see it but this is only an illusion. There always has to be a narrator and creators of the movies/series always thinks about this. There are some movies where we get to know who is narrator like The Great Gatsby (I'm sorry, I just love this movie not even for the plot but for its narration which is just so amazing) or in the Series of Unfortunate Events.

In The Owl House if we want to guess who is the Narrator it is Luz. She is the perfect character for it: she doesn't know the Boiling Isles just like we so we get to discover it with her. It is the easiest way for author to show readers/viewers new world. If you think about it authors usually create narrator characters like this because it's the most natural way to show new world to other people. Harry Potter was a part of New World, Magic World, but he didn't know it because he was raised in Muggle World. The same thing goes for Percy Jackson. In Lord Of The Rings narrator isn't any character but we usually, especially at the beginning, follow Frodo who was raised as a Hobbit in Shire so he doesn't really know the world outside. It is not always done like this. In Game of Thrones we are tossed to existing world, we follow characters which knows how this world works and, for me, it was really hard to catch up on events for like first hundred pages. It just didn't felt so natural like when you get to know the world with the character you follow or The Narrator. It can also work with showing as The Protagonist, like in The Great Gatsby, Nick is someone new in his life, so we get to know Gatsby with him.

So, it is natural that in The Owl House Luz is The Narrator. This way Dana could easily show us her world. But that doesn't mean Luz is the real Protagonist of the story.

2. Luz could be The Protagonist

Luz could be The Protagonist. She is new person in Boiling Isles, she changes it just because she is in it, but... That is not all that is needed to be the protagonist. Protagonist isn't the only person who can have an influence on the story. The presence of Nick in Jay Gatsby's life changes somehow his decisions, but it doesn't make Nick The Protagonist. It is still Gatsby, although Nick has an influence on his character.

I fill like in TOH is similar. Luz has an influence on the events but that doesn't mean she has to be The Protagonist.

3. Eda is The Protagonist

Why Eda? Here we will have some subsections (list in a list my dears)!

3.1 We get to know Eda more then Luz

Oh, but how? I've seen posts saying that people don't understand why we doesn't see any of Luz's memories from before Boiling Isles, even little flash backs. It's because she is only The Narrator, we don't have to know her full story, we only need to follow her in the New World to see what is happening in story and to get to know this world. But we get A LOT of Eda's memories. We've seen her nightmares of being cursed, we've seen her memories with Lilith when they were children, we've seen memories of her curse revealing at the fight with her sister, later we get the memories about how her mother tried to cure her and in last episode we see her story w Raine. That's a lot of flash backs. None other character had so many. The only other character that had some flashbacks was Amity and Willow in one episode and King in his episode this season. But it is not as much as Eda gets. And Luz? We didn't see any of Luz's memories!

3.2 Eda is one of the characters with biggest growth while Luz's growth is small

I also saw posts about how Luz is the only character that doesn't change through the series. It isn't totally correct. She changes. She becomes more certain about the fact that she isn't a freak. I mean, okay, she knows she is still kinda freak (for human standards) but she started to love that part of herself. In this season she also learns that she is not the one who is responsible for everything and that she shouldn't blame herself for every bad thing that happens around her. But in comparison to Eda or Amity it is not so apparent.

Eda went from being an outcast, scared of some parts of herself (cursed ones) to the person who accepted her nature. She isn't outcast anymore. She accepted people's presence in her life. We see this in last episode when she tells herself that just when she got used to people being in Owl House they all leave. Sure, at the beginning she had King, but she didn't talk to Lilith or her own mother. Through the series she opened her heart for other people and now she has so big found family. Not only Luz, King and Hooty. She has great connection with her sister, she started to talk normally to her mother. She met Raine and was so open for them. She is even now friends with Bump and helps him in school which she hated! And also I am sure that she really like Luz's friends.

And the curse. She always played cool about it. "Nah, it just happens!". But we could see that she was actually really scared of it. She hated this part of herself even if she was telling Lilith or their mother otherwise. But in one of the episodes of season two we see that she finally accepted this part of herself and fought back with the curse. And this is such a BIG GROWTH WHICH I LOVE SO MUCH. And yes, this is because of the parallel to mental health illness, that you can't get rid of but you can learn to manage it in proper way. And I love that elixirs didn't helped her to handle it, they only helped her to "keep the curse quiet". The moment she started to manage it was when she stopped it by her own. Just like with mental health problems: meds won't help without your own work.

So yes, in comparison to Eda's character growth Luz's is small, but if she is The Narrator she doesn't have to change a lot. In every story it is The Protagonist who changes most, because stories aren't only about how Protagonist has influence on the world and events but, and I think it is even more important, how events changes The Protagonist.

3.3 Eda is connected to everything that is important for the plot

If you think about this, Eda is the only character that is connected somehow to every piece of plot. And here comes subsections of subsections! (yes, I'm practicing before writing my BSc which I should write RIGHT NOW but Eda is now more important for me, sorry my dear archaea and proteins)

Wild Magic - this one goes for Eda and for Luz but the way it connects with them is very different. Eda chose to not go into any coven. She never wanted to gave most of her magic away and that is why she wanted to go to Emperor's Coven. But when she was forced to fight her own sister I think she started to understand how sick covens were. So she decided to not sign to any of them. She decided to become outcast, out of the law, just so she could still have her Wild Magic. In series she looked so cool with this decision, but that is how she is, she always seems cool but we know that it is not always how she really feels. And I think that decision about being "out of coven" was really hard for her but at the same time she knew that it was only way for her and she was ready to do everything to stay with her Wild Magic. And with the years she never changed her decision. While for Luz Wild Magic used by the glyphs is a way to make her dream come true. It is also important, going with our dreams is one of the most important things in our lives, but for the plot I feel like Eda's connection is more important.

Portal - this one goes for the Eda and Luz too, but again, not in the same way. Both of them found portal by accident but! Eda found it in the way that you could think it was waiting there for here. Like, it literally lied in the mud on her way. While Luz found it because of Eda and Owlbert. Without Eda having it, she would never found Boiling Isles. And here comes third thing.

Luz (and Human Realm) - yes, she is also really important for the plot, although I think she's not The Protagonist. But still Luz has a big influence on events and as I said before, if not Eda she would never come to Boiling Isles and would never had a chance to change anything.

Curse - we know that curse she has is strange. No one on Boiling Isles knew this curse, but somehow Lilith bought it at the night market. Just like with Portal, we can think that it was just meant for Eda to get this curse. Like, it was just lying there and waiting for Lilith to buy it and curse Eda with it. I am sure that it is also connected to the Wild Magic.

King's Father - same story as before, she was running away, found a safe place on some island that no one knows about, in some ruins and by accident found King there. We know that before King hatched he heard a roar, probably his father's. We can also believe that his father was mighty. I think that he could be connected to Wild Magic somehow and that is why someone tried to do something to him. But I think that he is also important for the plot, we just don't know how yet.

Lilith as a head of Emperor's Coven - and here we go to some important point. We know that Lilith became head of a coven just so Belos could get to the Eda and her portal, and Belos is this one important point.

There is only one person who has (or can have like with King's father) connection to all this things and this person is Belos, the main Antagonist. He is fighting with Wild Magic, which apparently made him Cursed and because of this he was looking for Portal to go to the Human Realm, but for this he needed Lilith to get to Eda. So Eda is a key to everything that Belos wants and she actually always stands against him. She is not fighting with Wild Magic, but uses it, she is Cursed but she accepted it and she can manage it, she has/had a Portal but never used it for anything bad. She also has a connection tu Human Realm because of Luz, the kid that she loves, and the only reason she would want to have Portal again is to help Luz, and she also never wanted to actually fight with Lilith while Belos made her to do many times. So she is in natural opposition to him and that is also what makes her The Protagonist of main story.

3.4 We know that Luz doesn't have any "big fate" on Boiling Isles

At the beginning I wrote that we usually know that The Narrator isn't The Protagonist because author shows it to us. But we also know that Dana loves to play with us and she loves to hide informations (even with colour coded scenes) and I feel like she did the same thing with The Narrator - The Protagonist thing. Second episode of the series, Witches before Wizards shows us Luz who tries to find her special fate on Boiling Isles. She thinks she is there because of some grater powers of fate but we learn that this isn't true. We always thought that this is about breaking the stereotype of Protagonist being The Chosen One (like in Harry Potter or Percy Jackson) and I love this idea, but what if it was about showing us that Luz is not The Protagonist of a story? Because for me, everything that happened to Eda: the course, finding portal, King and Luz, looks like to many accidents for one character to be just accidents, more like something (maybe fate) or someone (maybe the Tytan himself because he is trapped somehow by Belos) tries to give her every piece she needs to stand in opposition to main Antagonist of Boiling Isles.

4. Summary

This is only my little theory, I don't know if I am right, but I feel like it can be another Dana's game with stereotypes/archetypes, I'm not sure how to call it, with traditional writing, keeping your Protagonist hide until the very end. And if it will turn out like this I will be really amazed. I would love to know what you think about this! And I also really need to start writing my BSc instead of these analyses but this is SO MUCH MORE INTERESTING.

#the owl house #toh #the owl house eda #eda clawthorne #the owl house luz #luz noceda #the owl house analysis #the owl house spoilers #toh spoilers #eda the owl lady

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jbbarnesnnoble · 4 years ago

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JBBarnesNNoble's 2nd Annual Mental Health Awareness Month Challenge 2021

Hello lovely people! And welcome to the 2nd Annual Mental Health Awareness Month Writing Challenge. The aim of this challenge is to shine a light on mental health, medical conditions, and the things that can have impacts on us. This started out initially being a PCOS Awareness challenge last year but through conversations with other writers over Discord, it evolved into a Mental Health Awareness Month Writing Challenge last year. I’m reusing some of the unused prompts from last year’s challenge and adding in some new ones!

May is Mental Health Awareness Month. The goal of this challenge is to lift each other up, and show that it’s okay not to be okay. Spread some love and light during a challenging time in the world to those who struggle with chronic illness, depression, anxiety, self-esteem issues, grief, PCOS, acceptance from their families and communities for being LGBT+, and anyone struggling with insecurity.

This challenge will run through July 31st, 2021. It will run through Mental Health Awareness Month, Pride Month, and the month of July to give people time to write. You can submit it at any time. I probably have too many prompts, but I wanted to ensure that there was a wide array to choose from. Please don’t hesitate to message me if I haven’t interacted with your fic after a few days! Sometimes the tag system doesn’t work and I miss things!

The Rules:

1. Utilize resources available online if you’re dealing with subject matter you’re not that familiar with. I’m not going to go all “cite sources” on y’all, but please do make sure to do your research. Writing about some of these issues can be hard if you don’t have first hand knowledge of how it can affect you. The goal of this challenge is to write about topics that we tend to shy away from, that many of us struggle with, from mental health struggles to chronic illnesses to low-self esteem. A gentle reminder that if you think writing about a subject will be triggering for you, please look after yourself first.

2. Use #JBBNNMHAM21 to tag your fic

3. Dark!Fic- Due to the subject matter involved in this challenge, please don’t submit dark!fic. I enjoy dark fics, but this challenge isn’t the place for them.

4. Smut- Smut is welcome! Make sure you tag it appropriately.

5. No inc*st, dubcon/noncon, underage, etc

6. Ships- I prefer reader inserts, but show me what ya got.

7. NO JOHN WALKER FICS. Please. Please no. I beg of you.

8. Selecting Prompts: Just let me know which one you want to do! 2 people per prompt! The song prompts have a line from them under it. You DO NOT need to use the line in your submission! It’s mostly to help you decide if you’re interested in a song before you take a listen to it.

You also can alter the sentence and dialogue prompts as needed for grammar, be it altering the pronouns used or changing the pluralization of a word.

9. Trigger Warnings: Use warnings as needed. Fics dealing with depression, anxiety, eating disorders, or other mental health issues should be tagged appropriately to ensure that readers that may be triggered by the subject matter can avoid the fic. Trigger warnings are non-negotiable

The prompts are under the cut!

Prompts:

Dialogue Prompts:

“I feel like if I let go, if I move on, I’ll only be proving them right.”

“I don’t know. Am I? Because from where I’m standing it’s pretty damn clear that’s how you see me.”

“You don’t believe that do you? Tell me you don’t. Please.”

“It’d probably be easier if you left”

“Please leave me alone”

“Everyone’s got broken pieces. Some have more, some have less. It doesn’t make you less of a person to have those broken pieces.” @nekoannie-chan

“If it’s okay with you, I’ll take that shake now.”

“What’s the point if I’m going to end up breaking that promise too?”

“You sure about that, moonman?”

“It made you smile though. And that will always be a win in my book.”

“That’s not true. And I will tell you that every day of your life until you believe me.”

Sentence Prompts:

Feel free to adjust the pronouns as needed

It was a day. It was the only way it could be described.

Summer had a smell that reminded her of innocence and a time long since past.

In that moment, the world stopped spinning on its axis as it all shattered down around her.

Some things, there would never be a way to understand. @justrunamok

Like shattered glass, in that moment the illusion was broken.

Forever was a lie, just like everything else.

If you had another condescending doctor tell you your problem wasn’t a problem you were going to scream.

They’d say it was easy, like riding a bike. Except, you never learned how to ride a bike in the first place.

Today was going to be good. It had to be.

It didn’t take a genius to figure out that this was going south.

AU and Trope Prompts:

Soulmate @samsgoddess

College

Childhood Friends @tellmealovestory

Friends to Lovers

Enemies to Lovers

Musicians

Writer

Professional Athlete

Teacher

Coffee Shop

Fake Dating

Accidental Marriage

Royal

Librarian

Doctor

Song Prompts:

1. Nobody Ever Told You - Carrie Underwood

Lyric Snippet: “Wish you could see yourself the way I do. Nobody ever told you, nobody ever told you. Shine like a diamond, glitter like gold, and you need to know what nobody ever told you”

2. Missing You - All Time Low

Lyric Snippet: “And if you need a friend, I’ll help you stitch up your wounds. I heard that you’ve been, having some trouble finding your place in the world. I know how much that hurts. But if you need a friend, then please just say the word.”

3. Barefoot and Bruised - Jamestown Story

Lyric Snippet: “Maybe when your sky comes crashing down, I can be your angel on the ground. If you get tired and can’t go on, I will carry you along, when the rocks below your feet wear out your shoes, when you’re barefoot and bruised”

4. Hold On Till May- Pierce the Veil

Lyric Snippet: “If were you, I’d put that away. See you’re just wasted and thinking about the past again. Darling, you’ll be okay.”

5. If I Surrender - Citizen Soldier

Lyric Snippet: “If I surrender, surrender, to the monsters in me, will it set me free?”

6. Home - Machine Gun Kelly, X Ambassadors, Beba Rexha

Lyric Snippet: “All these miles, feet, inches, they can’t add up to the distance that I have been through just to get to a place where even if there’s no closure I’m still safe. I still ache from trying to keep pace. Somebody give me a sign, I’m starting to lose faith”

7. Broken Arrows - Daughtry

Lyric Snippet: “The best of intentions I lay at your feet. And I need you to see past the worst part of me.”

8. Used - Serious Matters

Lyric Snippet: “The wounds are gone and the pain still lingers. But this time I won’t stand by, I don’t need you in my life”

9. According to You - Orianthi

Lyric Snippet: “According to you, I’m stupid, I’m useless, I can’t do anything right”

10. Let It Land - Tonight Alive

Lyric Snippet: “And everything we hate is something we just bought along the line”

11. Cold As You - Taylor Swift

Lyric Snippet: “You put up walls and paint them all a shade of grey. And I stood there loving you and wished them all away. And you come away with a great little story, of a mess of a dreamer with the nerve to adore you”

12. Tied Together with a Smile - Taylor Swift

Lyric Snippet: “Hold on, baby you’re losing it. The water’s high, you’re jumping into it, and letting go, and no one knows. That you cry but you don’t tell anyone that you might not be the golden one. And you’re tied together with a smile, but you’re coming undone.”

13. Human Interaction - Tonight Alive

Lyric Snippet: “I don’t know love. I don’t know hate. I am numb. Wish I could find the words to say. Asking please, as colors fade. I need to breathe. Before I turn the world to grey.”

14. Therapy - All Time Low

Lyric Snippet: “Give me therapy, I’m a walking travesty, but I’m smiling at everything. Therapy you were never a friend to me, and you can keep all your misery”

15. Scars - Alison Iraheta

Lyric Snippet: “Do you know how hard I’ve tried to become what you want me to be. Take me, this is all that I’ve got, this is all that I’m not, all that I’ll ever be. I got flaws, I got faults, keep searching for your perfect heart. It doesn’t matter who you are, we’ve all got our scars”

16. Hurts to Know - 1551

Lyric Snippet: “I can’t remember what I did to earn you by my side. I can’t surrender. I’ll fight as long as you’re in my life”

17. Spinning Bottles - Carrie Underwood

Lyric Snippet: “He’s in a hotel room, with the tv on. Getting lost in the static with the curtains drawn, knowing this could be the time that gets her gone for good, he’d quit if he could. But one down, two down, three down, four, can’t even recognize the man in the mirror anymore”

18. Praying - Kesha

Lyric Snippet: “Well you were wrong and now the best is yet to come. ‘Cause I can make it on my own. And I don’t need you, I found a strength I’ve never known.”

19. Jersey On the Wall (I’m Just Asking) - Tenille Townes

Lyric Snippet: “If I ever get to heaven, you know I got a long list of questions. Like how do you make a snowflake, are you angry when the earth quakes? How does the sky change in a minutes, how do you keep this big rock spinning? Why can’t you stop a car from crashing? Forgive me, I’m just asking”

20. Five More Minutes - Scotty McCreery

Lyric Snippet: “Time rolls by, the clock don’t stop. I wish I had a few more drops of the good stuff, the good times. Oh, but they just keep on flying right on by like it ain’t nothing, wish I had me a, a pause button. Moments like those, Lord knows I’d hit it. Give myself five more minutes”

21. Dad’s Old Number - Cole Swindell

Lyric Snippet: “Sometimes I forget, these ten digits ain’t my lifeline anymore. Every now and then I dial them up when life gets tough or when the Braves score. Sorry about the one ring hang ups, early morning and late night wake ups. It was just me. In case you wondered, you’ve got dad’s old number.”

22. The Other Side - Lauren Alaina

Lyric Snippet: “There’s gonna be a lot of sadness on a lot of happy days, I’ll try to think of this moment, this place”

23. I Was Here - Beyonce

Lyric Snippet: “So they won’t forget I was here. I lived. I loved. I was here. I did, I’ve done, everything that I wanted and it was more than I thought it would be. I will leave my mark so everyone will know I was here.”

24. Gone Too Soon - Simple Plan

Lyric Snippet: “Like a shooting star, flying across the room. So fast, so far, you were gone too soon. You’re a part of me. And I’ll never be the same here without you. You were gone too soon.”

25. Amelia - Tonight Alive

Lyric Snippet: “And you will always be perfect, you’ll always be beautiful, our hearts, will never forget you. You didn’t belong here, and it’s become so clear why heaven called your name.”

26. Heaven Right Now - Thomas Rhett

Lyric Snippet: “When the whole crew gets together, memory lane goes on forever. We twist a top and pour a little Jack D out.”

#JBBNNMHAM21 #writing challenge #marvel fanfic

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pxiedustnblades · 3 years ago

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“Let me be your superhero, your dynamite

Let me be the one to hold you; to do you right”

- “Let me be your superhero”; Smash into Pieces

~~~~

So this is my first non-AC related moodboard to upload to my new tumblr. This is a fairly recent one based upon an exchange between a friend and I. What was initially meant to be a quick drabble my friend whipped up to help me feel better, has sort of melded into this story her & I’ve created to showcase a dynamic between Heisenberg and well.. a self insert of sorts. Yes I’m a total simp for the bastard; let me have my fun. It was my friend who initially made the first part and since it was supposed to be a soft comfort Drabble, she directed it to me, not an oc…. Oops? She has my name but she’s - well - a variant of me I suppose? For the sake of the background, let’s refer to her as Faline. Its odd, she feels more oc then me if that makes sense. Either way it’s quite cute and it makes me feel all warm and fuzzy inside. It’s the perfect balance of comfort, spice and softness. 😤

Background: ⚠️(Resi8 spoilers mentioned ahead) ⚠️ Not much is heavily delved into terms of how the two met, however; it is established that the two have been together for quite some time. Events most likely taking place after the destruction of Mother Miranda (in this Au the lords don’t dying). Heisenberg still has his factory; tinkering away and occasionally making soldats still. But he’s a free man now & he’s got his partner by his side. Except in the rare moments his lover has a relapse.

Faline is a sweet young woman who (sadly) struggles with her own mental health problems and trauma. She manages fairly well but she still has her low days. Heisenberg isn’t ignorant to her struggles & does his best to be there for her even if it’s difficult and confusing to him at times.

This is entirely self-indulgent. I know the man is cheeky, gaurded and quite the little shit. I know he wouldn’t be a perfect partner but damnit if he doesn’t deserve better & to be happy. I wholeheartedly believe he would treasure his partner even if it took a long time to get that close with him. I’m not throwing his canon to the wind by making something soft with him. I just really love this stinky rat man.

- Faye

#resident evil #resident evil 8 #karl heisenberg #Heisenberg #heisenberg x oc #canon x oc #moodboard #my art #my work #Faline Brookes #Heis x Faline #stinky rat man #the wings are because she’s his angel

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seancekitsch · 5 years ago

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Prize Buck

I’m out of my hiatus. I was asked for Klaus Headcanons, wrote a smut fic after work today instead whoops

A/N: drug use, addiction, oral(m/f receiving), unprotected sex (wrap that shit folx), female or nb afab reader, thinking sad thoughts while doing sexy things, sorta sub!Klaus, mental health issues, roughness, unedited, i added a line that only makes sense if you read the comics

———————————————

“You’re seriously telling me you’ve never done this? You?” Klaus asks, bringing the bowl and the lighter closer to you. You hadn’t, in honesty. You were the worlds most casual of casual stoners. You’d roll a joint if the mood struck you; meticulously crafted and thin for the perfect little heady time. Or you’d take a hit from a bong at a friends house, only if they offered to smoke you out. Really though, weed wasn’t your thing, it just had to become a part of the routine now because there weren’t other options. You couldn’t get your normal poison, amphetamines, so feeling uncontrollably sluggish instead of uncontrollably wired was the new normal.

A non-committal head shake was all you could offer. He was right to be incredulous at that revelation. You had met in rehab, for god’s sake. Klaus had, no HAS, a lot of problems, some you watched him scream and sweat through during his first week in the room across the hall from you. You were the one that he woke up constantly, because your crash left you near coma and crying when you were conscious. Despite making your recovery hell, he was the only one you could talk to when the tears subsided. Before rehab, you were a a published scholar at the height of your career, working with a newly discovered artifact from an anthropology dig. You’d spent your career hopped up on all of the meds you could find, culminating this research, staying up for thirteen days before having a breakdown in which you break the artifact from shaking so hard and crash your car fleeing the research center with your writing.

Weed was new. It was never your thing. But Klaus was new too, and he was your thing. You’d become fast friends in group therapy sessions, and inseparable out of them. It was unorthodox and frowned upon, but you became roommates once you’d gotten out. Just a small studio above a shop. A couch and a mattress that you’d switch off sleeping on, or you’d just both crash on the flood a hairs breadth away from snuggling. But it was the option that worked. You’d both confided that true sobriety wasn’t an option. So instead of anything hard, it was weed and alcohol. This was something that wouldn’t kill you or get you sent back. Controllable. And maybe one day you’d be able to go into a different field. Get an apartment with an actual bedroom. Maybe he could be able to shut out some of his power. But for now, this is what would work. It was a transition that made sense to you.

“I just can’t believe you’ve never shotgunned a bowl. Don’t all the great writers have their little parties where they smoke each other out? Isn’t that how Mary and Percy had that orgy with Lord Byron?” You wanted to correct him that you were a disgraced anthropologist, not a writer, but his warm thigh nudging yours reminds you now isn’t really the time. You give a weak smile instead.

“I guess since you’re the only person I smoke with, you’d be the only person to shotgun me.” He scooches closer to you, earthy scent already working wonders to entrance you. You wonder if he knew he had this effect on your mind and body.

“So you’ll let me shoot you now?” He asks. You smile, a little anxious, a little toothy.

“Shoot me? What am I, a ten point buck?”

There’s going to be a great feat of self control to keep yourself from jumping the curly haired man next to you, and self control is not one of your strong suits. You were head over heels in lust with Klaus and you didn’t even know if he was into women.

He begins with an unceremonious prodding at the fresh ground bud in the glass bowl with his pinky. Then he flicks the gas station lighter once. Twice. A spark. The flame dips into the bowl and there’s a soft crackle that’s accompanied and fueled by Klaus’ plump lips wrapping around the head of the pipe. It’s almost obscene to look at and you find yourself shifting uncomfortably. Well, not uncomfortably, but not in a way that’s appropriate for this setting. There’s probably more than a slight chance Klaus knows you’re aroused, but he’s being polite about it. Even now, as his lungs are filling up with smoke, and he’s puffing out his cheeks like a chipmunk, there’s this ebbing and throbbing between your legs.

And now, for the shotgun itself. You know he’s blowing all the smoke in his body into your mouth, but the last thing you expect is how it feels to actually have his lips on yours. At first he’s methodical, a slow diaphragm push of smoke into your mouth, your lips parted slightly and drinking in the smoke as it comes. But no, that’s not enough; not giving Klaus enough access to deliver the goods. He makes quick work of parting your lips further by a harsh squeeze to your jaw. The way the smoke and his tongue invade your mouth does nothing to help curb the lack of self control you possess as you moan wantonly into the kiss. The shotgun. You could be addicted to this alone.

By the time he pulls away, you feel like a balloon in that you’re floating, and the hand you have securely placed on your roommates thigh is the only thing keeping you from floating out the window and into some electrical wires or into a tree for birds to choke to death on. You start low, reddened eyes looking from your hand on his thigh, up to his chest. Klaus’ chest is almost always bare. His arms and the muscles of his abdomen were littered with the odd scar and tattoo here and there. He told you they’re from fighting in Vietnam in the 1960s and France in the 1400s. When he said it, he was so earnest you could do nothing but believe him. Then your eyes travel a little more north, to his lips. He needs a shave; his mustache and his chin getting a bit too scraggly, but they tickled when you came together for the smoke. And then you finally meet his eyes, unabashed that you just drank him in like lemonade. His pupils are blown wide when you finally look into them; not something weed would do to you. No, this was something else.

“Another?” He asks, voice trembling and breathy, not above a whisper.

“I- I want more.” Your voice coming out a tad huskier than you intended, not masking how his actions had an effect on you. Your skirt feels entirely too open right now. If you were wearing jeans, or tight pants like his, you’d feel some kind of restraint. Like a chastity belt, you think, some real medieval torture. But it would be all too easy to lift this skirt, or even to shift your hips and grind against something for even a tiny iota of relief.

You don’t even watch Klaus take the hit this time, only turning your head back to face him when you hear him stop sucking. This time, he sets the bowl down before leaning in. Your mouth is open and ready for him, already a quick learner from what just transpired. So Klaus doesn’t grab your jaw this time. Instead, he grabs the hand that’s still resting on his thigh.

And he shoves it towards the crotch of his pants.

Where your open palm lands clumsy and hard against the hardness straining at his pants.

He groans as contact is made and almost coughs the rest of the smoke into your mouth, but you’re there to suck it down in stride. There’s only a quick pause for you to exhale this now twice filtered smoke before your lips re-attach to his, the bowl and lighter now forgotten.

His hand drifts to your jaw a second time, before sliding down further to the back of your neck, pulling you in closer, until it strains your back. He knows you fell asleep on the couch last night, so he knows how much this burns your taught muscles. All to his advantage it seems, as you shift your weight to your knee before turning and straddling him, all without breaking the kiss or your removing your hand from his clothed cock. Your skirt pools at where both of your hips meet, and he readjusts it -ever the gentleman- for you as you begin to knead and squeeze him beneath your hand.

Instead of smoke now, your mouths fill with the moans and sighs of each other, both refusing to end the kissing first and both running out of air. The onslaught of kissing continues through some under the shirt fondling, through Klaus less than gently pinching at your nipples, through you unbuttoning Klaus’ pants- now much too tight. He only breaks the kiss finally to beckon you,

“Stand up, I’ve got something else I want to show you”

Wobbly, you give his clothed cock one more squeeze before you rise to your feet.

While you move to reposition, standing over him now with your skirt bunched in one hand and your panties in another, he shimmies his pants down to his knees. All of your wondering if he was into more than just men is silenced when his tongue makes first contact with your clit. He takes the time to swirl his tongue tantalizingly slow, then quickly flicking his tongue upward, making your knees buckle until they land at the back of the couch just above his shoulders. You lean into it as he writes letters to you with his tongue, teasing the entrance to your cunt with his fingers and gathering the wetness until his fingers are slick.

You’re about to beg for it, cry for his fingers to penetrate you, but you don’t have to because he plunges in to the hilt. There is no easing into it, he thrusts his middle and ring finger at a break neck speed. Your skin feels white hot and the only purchase you can find is in squeezing the fabric balled in your palms and Klaus skewers you and torches every one of your nerve endings with his hot mouth and fingers.

Your high is coming to a head, literally and figuratively, when Klaus retracts all attention. You whine, pouting and pitiful, when he says something that surprises you:

“You’re gonna cum, right? Order me. Order me to make you cum. I’ll obey.”

So you do.

“Fuck— Klaus. Fuck! Make me cum. Make me cum on your face.”

When he returns to your cunt he’s unmerciful, working you back up to and through your high before you can even realize it’s happening. You barely savor it before you’re convulsing, sinking your knees further until they rest on his shoulders and he has to grab you by the ass to hold you up. You hadn’t been touched like this since before you had met Klaus, and you wanted more. Insatiable and prone, you make your next move untangling yourself from his grasp.

Sinking down, you feel the old wood creak beneath your stiff knees. This would hurt like a bitch, but when Klaus smiles down at you with his face covered in the wetness of your orgasm, you can’t find a reason to care. His smile is genuine, wide and splitting, the same look he gives you when you come home with pizza. Well, this was about to be better than pizza. The tip of your tongue touches the head of his cock first, a tiny testing lick earning a full body shudder from the man in front of you.

“Please don’t tease. Do a guy a favor. Please baby?”

You’re a sucker for his pleading, and just as he didn’t give you time to adjust, you don’t give him any warning before you sink your entire mouth down on him, only stopping to hollow out your cheeks when his tip hits the back of your throat. You hold it there for a moment, and then only gag as your lungs run out of oxygen. Klaus could be a substitute for oxygen, you’d gladly rather take him in than anything you would have tried before.

He whines, you notice. High pitched and needy. He would probably do anything I asked right now to cum, you think, but you quickly dismiss the thought. In a way you’re glad it’s you sucking his soul out through his cock and no one else, because he’s putting so much of himself into this. You wonder if he’s been taken advantage before. You hope not.

You banish the thought by moaning around the head of his cock. You revel in his reaction, to bury both of his hands in your hair as he all but sobs out “oh god please keep doing that” or something like that, you can’t really tell for sure over the rush his touch sends straight back down to your core.

As much as you want to worship his cock, your own tears from gagging on it start to sting your eyes. So you pull off him, just long enough to ask,

“Do you want me to finish you like this? Or another way?” Pausing to kiss the underside of his cock before adding, “You can have any part of me you want”

It’s like a flip switches, and he’s pulling you back up, pulling your skirt down and off of you in fluid motion, before you take your spot straddling him again. Impatient, he pushes you down onto him, thrusting away immediately finding a groove.

“Oh I’m gonna make you cum— gonna be real good for you. M-make you feel real good.” He’s a stuttering, groaning mess as he thrusts up into you.

“You feel amazing inside me. You’re doing so good, Klaus. Making me feel amazing,” you coo, doing everything to praise and encourage him. “I’m gonna cum, can you feel that? It’s all for you, do you want that— OH”

The thought caught mid air stopped short by a particularly accurate thrust right into a spot that makes you scream, your second orgasm of the afternoon now much closer than it had been. You feel your muscles clench as you bear down on him, trying to make Klaus hit that spot over and over. By the way his rhythm is almost non existent, you can tell he’s almost there too.

Something crosses your mind, and before you fully process the thought, one of your hands is wrapping around his throat, fingers and thumb squeezing deftly so that you don’t close the airway, but that he sees stars. That does it.

Klaus cumming is almost more beautiful than it feels. His cock twitches and paints your insides, and you cum from the sensation as well, but the blissed-out fucked-out face smiling up at you is to see heaven itself. His eyeliner is streaked with tears, his lips swollen and bruised, a smile splitting his face in two.

You move to get up, maybe clean yourself up, but at least put your panties back on. Klaus stops you though with his hands gently but firmly on your hips, holding you in place.

“Just stay. For a bit. I’m not one of those dames you can deflower and avoid their calling cards.”

A snort of laughter. A joke covering real insecurity; you can see right through it.

“Klaus, you were deflowered long before I ever got here, but I’m not gonna go anywhere. You shot me, I’m your prize buck.”

#my work #klaus x reader #klaus hargreeves x reader #klaus hargreeves imagine #klaus hargreeves smut #smut #tw drugs #addiction tw #drugs cw #prize buck series

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georgiaswarr · 4 years ago

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lister bird - part 2 (part 1)

beautiful faces - declan mckenna

i’m very much many thoughts head full can’t put it into concise words when it comes to beautiful faces as an iwbft song but suffice it to say, this song looks at celebrity, influencer and consumerism culture through a certain lens of doom, which hits close to home for lister. it also addresses excessive partying and drinking, for example in the “lift your hands up and lead us back home” lyric

beige - yoke lore

“i don't wanna see you smile / i want you in the morning / before you go performing” *whispers* bicci song

9 to 5 - smallpools

lister grew up poor and we mustn’t forget that part 3. also themes of losing innocence and doing what you must to survive in this cruel world.

when the party’s over - billie eilish

more themes of loneliness, self-hate and partying ! yay ! /s

hallucinogenics - matt maeson

i mean.... “pushing past the limit, trippin' on hallucinogenics / my cigarette burnt my finger 'cause i forgot i lit it / rippin' with my sinners 'cause fuck it, man, i ain't no beginner / and then i crawled back to the life that i said i wouldn't live in // cause i just couldn't open up, i'm always shiftin' / go find yourself a man who's strong and tall and christian” NEED I SAY MORE, THIS IS THE MOST LISTER SONG IN EXISTENCE

okay okay - alessia cara

a song about trying to fake self-confidence until you “make it” even though you don’t believe that you’re - to quote - a “million trick pony” yourself which is very true for lister john self-deprecation bird

nights - neon trees

here we have lister at least thinking that his crush on jimmy is unrequited, plus themes of insomnia

be an astronaut - declan mckenna

this raises the question of how much agency lister has and how much he’s just pushed around by his circumstances and by society, even though he might dream, or has dreamt of being bigger than that

clouds - børns

this song makes me think of Yearning(TM) while being high - yknow, something that lister does

liability - lorde

“the truth is i am a toy that people enjoy / till all of the tricks don't work anymore / and then they are bored of me” - growing up in the world of fame, constantly being sexualised, nobody knowing how you truly feel, all while feeling distant from your two closest friends has taken a huge toll on lister’s self worth

icarus - bastille

“out on the front doorstep, drinking from a paper cup / you won't remember this / living beyond your years, acting out all their fears / you feel it in your chest” lister “grew up too fast and has been on the verge of death multiple times” bird

hurricane - lord huron

something something lister getting a certain thrill out of living on the edge something something

i swear - exes

more themes of falling apart and getting drunk :(

white wine - walwin

kinda vibes but also comparing somebody you’re attracted to to alcohol....... i mean it’s not the most healthy thing to do especially for lister but he’s trying

saint - vérité

this is about how lister appears to the outside world and how that doesn’t reflect who he is inside - everyone sees him as a cheeky golden boys, as a “saint”, even though he has many issues and hates who he actually is

preacher man - the driver era

shoutout to @listerswift for reccing this song to me. remember when lister said that maybe he should try becoming religious too in the wednesday chapters??? in iana, when he’s gonna try to get better and find something other than alcohol to turn to i feel like there will be a phase where he feels lost and might even entertain the thought of religion. either way, he’s looking for something or someone who will help him “get away from this life of sin”

everything i wanted - gengahr version

(yes this is a cover of the billie eilish song I JUST LOVE THIS VERSION A LOT OKAY) anyway, lister feeling like what he wanted isn’t actually what he needs? feeling alone, like nobody cares about him or is listening to him? feeling the pressures of fame and everyone wanting something from him? themes of insomnia? but still eventually (hopefully) finding comfort in his friends? this song’s got you covered

half the night - couchsleepers

y’know, the fact that jimmy and lister are gonna sleep in the same bed long before they start hooking up to help each other

bravado - yoke lore

bicci song - “little bits of my own little mistakes” (they’ve both fucked up in the past) and “you put songs inside my cells” (because they’re musicians) and also “are there really angels in southern california” (southern california standing for the world of fame, could there be good things there?)

la la - kids in america

“don’t need this attention not another mention / just wanna stay high” a song about just wanting to let go of the world and all its problems

85 - andy grammer

here we explore lister’s relationship with money and wealth - while he grew up poor, after getting money he started splashing out on expensive cars and the like. however, there’s plenty of evidence that points towards the fact that he’ll go back to appreciating the little things in iana and rethink his priorities, which this song expresses

like i love you - lost frequencies

lister wants to know if jimmy loves him the way he loves jimmy

holy ghost - børns

a sexy song with religious symbolism??? that’s very bicci of you børns

run away with me - carly rae jepsen

“do you ever imagine what would happen if we just... ran away?” let the ark run away in iana challenge

bad habits - delaney jane

i do think it’s a sign of progress and improvement when the “bad habit” in question is a passionate but confusing friends-with-benefits affair with your fellow band mate instead of like.... alcohol and smoking and shit

pink lemonade - james bay

i mean my personal theory is that jimmy and lister won’t want to talk about what hooking up means for their relationship/properly define their relationship for quite a while, due to personal issues and also what it means for the band. this song embodies that.

could you love me - kygo

we all know lister’s got some self-esteem and mental health issues, and even though he’s trying to change, he’s unsure if rowan and jimmy could still love him

killer whales - smallpools

a song about a relationship where both parties have difficulties opening up and being completely vulnerable, but eventually being able to get through to each other. it also expresses a great admiration for the person that is sung about which i think is beautiful

pink in the night - mitski

aaaaand one more bicci song for good measure - “and i know i've kissed you before, but / i didn't do it right // can i try again, try again, try again / try again, and again, and again / and again, and again, and again?” - to quote alice, there will be MANY bicci kisses in iana and i, for one, can’t wait

i wanna get better - bleachers

“and i've trained myself to give up on the past 'cause / i froze in time between hearses and caskets / lost control when i panicked at the acid test / i wanna get better” it’s hard to put into words quite the amount of catharsis and a defiant push for self-improvement that is in this song but i like to think lister very much wants that

glitter & gloss - skott

i could honestly analyse each line and how it relates to lister here but here’s a collection of themes: fame, dressing yourself up and almost getting lost in so-called “glitter & gloss” for the public, but still, at your core, finding your true self and knowing that only very few people can truly know you and understand you. i think this is perfect for the end of this playlist because it seems hopeful to me, like lister’s gonna realise that even though most people will never see his true face, that doesn’t matter because he and his loved ones do.

#...........i just realised just how fucking miserable most of the songs on here are IM SORRY #our boy's gonna be happy in iana we're manifesting #iwbft #lister bird #playlist #osemanverse playlist #em’s fuckery #death tw #alcohol tw #addiction tw #drugs tw

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oikawa-tuwu · 4 years ago

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Linen Closet (gn!Reader x Kiyoko)

Rated G, 1.3k words

Not Home for the Holidays Masterlist

“Are you... crying in a linen closet?”

When you’re a child, crying is a catharsis. Stub your toe, cry a little, get up and keep playing. Pain, physical or emotional, was temporary, and tears were as good of a placebo painkiller as it got. It used to feel so good to cry. Children aren't exactly eloquent creatures when it comes to emotions or injuries, so when worst comes to worst… cry about it and keep going.

Eventually, crying becomes less of a catharsis and more of a guilty pleasure, except with less of the pleasure and more of the guilt. It might feel good in the moment, but, god forbid, you accidentally burden anyone else with your troubles, because, frankly, that would just be embarrassing for both parties, so crying is left for quiet nights in your cold bed or sniffles held back by a thread on your way home or, in this case, frustrated explosions of emotion in the linen closet of your bed and breakfast.

But we all grow up eventually.

Another shudder wracks your chest, a sob letting loose before you can clamp your mouth shut. You know, from unfortunate experience, just how thin the walls of this old house really are, and the last thing you want is for Maria, your employee, changing sheets next door, to decide to investigate those weird noises.

You try to take a calming breath. In. Out. In. Out.

It's not so much breathing as it is wheezing, but it's getting oxygen in your lungs, so who are you to complain?

And then you think about it again.

It. Whatever the hell it is. Money problems, relationship problems, mental health problems, all of the above problems piling on top of each other like a snowstorm until the front door won’t open-

Another whimper, about ten decibels louder than ideal, and you hold your breath and you hear footsteps. Pass, please. Pass this door and move on. Nothing interesting here.

The door opens.

For a second, all you see is a silhouette. About average height, skinny and lithe, like a runner, with dark hair. And then the light adjusts, and you see her face. She’s beautiful, no doubt about it, and with the halo your (slight) lightheadedness from the crying session, the scene is somewhat… holy… in nature.

But she’s frowning, and the worried expression is rather upsetting to see on such a beautiful face.

The woman asks, carefully, “Are you… crying in a linen closet?”

Your mouth, apparently working faster than your brain, asks, "Are you an angel?"

Silence. Well, mostly silence, because your brain is currently screaming.

"That was a weird thing to say. Sorry."

Thankfully, the woman laughs. She laughs, and you melt, firstly glad that she's laughing it off, but also because her laugh is melodic. "Trust me, that's not the first time I've heard that one. But... uh," she hesitates, looking you over, and you remember that five seconds you were bawling your eyes out. "Are you okay?"

"Yeah," you say, and brush away the last of your tears. Thankfully, seeing her was enough of a shock to stop them for now, but you have a feeling you haven't seen the last of them today. "Sorry, I didn't mean to make you worry. After all, I'm sure you didn't expect to spend your vacation dealing with an overly emotional host."

"You'd be surprised," the woman says, with a soft smile that speaks of a quiet inside joke, possibly, an inside joke for her alone. "Let's just say I've been in a somewhat similar situation before. My best friend used to have pretty bad anxiety. Actually, she's the one that checked us in yesterday, Yachi Hitoka?"

The name rings a bell. "Short, blonde, blushes a lot?"

"That's her."

Ah. You were wondering when you'd get to see the second of Yachi’s party, since she requested a room with two single beds. And here she was right in front of you. An angel on earth.

"Do you want to talk about it?"

An angel.

"No, thanks. It's sweet of you to offer, but..."

But you don't even know why you're crying. It could be any number of things. Being (relatively) alone during the holidays, stress from your job, or just plain sadness and loneliness. Missing family, missing friends, wanting hot chocolate but knowing full well you ran out a week ago and haven't restocked yet. It could be any and all of those reasons and isolating a single culprit is nearly impossible.

“It’s just a lot,” you end up saying. “The holidays. Everyone likes to talk about the good parts, the food, the celebration, the presents… that you end up forgetting the bad parts too. Until they’re staring straight at you.”

No one likes to mention that your room feels colder in the winter without someone else there to warm it. No one likes to mention that your house feels emptier without the laughter and conversation of kin. No one likes to mention the stress of throwing together a holiday dinner or coming up with the perfect gift idea or looking at your bank account and realizing you might need to rethink some things.

And there it comes again, that wave, and you blink, blink, blink, praying the tide will recede until the next time you get the chance to be alone. A cocktail of anxiety and guilt and salt slowly rising, rising, rising. This woman shouldn’t have to see you like this, you don’t even know each other, and honestly, it's a little unfair to burden one of your guests with your emotional problems and-

“You’re spiralling again, aren’t you?” The woman asks, in that soft voice of hers, and you wonder when you got so transparent that a literal stranger can tell when you’re close to breaking.

The dam cracks, and the tears start to fall again. “I’m sorry,” you manage to get out. “I’m sorry, you shouldn’t have to deal with this-”

Instead of saying anything, agreeing or disagreeing, the woman drops to her knees, crouching down next to where you’re sitting on the bucket. She looks up at you, her hand holding yours, and says, very softly, “Stop apologizing.”

Amazingly, you do. You close your mouth and let the tears flow, with the woman still there, offering hand squeezes and quiet company through your mental breakdown.

It’s… nicer than you expect it to be, just having someone there. She doesn’t say anything else, but you know she’s there to talk it out if you really needed to. For now, she’s willing to sit there and listen to your woes and remind you that there’s someone out there that does care when you’re struggling.

So you cry. You cry and the guilt and frustration slowly lessens and all that’s left of the broken dam is an empty reservoir.

It's… cathartic.

With her sweater sleeve, the woman wipes your cheeks dry. “Better?”

“Better,” you agree, and your mouth forms the first syllable of I’m sorry, before the woman gives you a look. “Thank you. For being here with me. I do have to say though, I would have liked meeting under different circumstances. I don’t think I look incredibly attractive mid-breakdown.”

The woman shrugs, and you see a little faint dusting of blush on her cheeks as she stands, offering a hand to help you off the bucket. “I think you might be surprised.”

You smile. You take her hand, and let her haul you to your feet.

“The name’s Kiyoko, by the way.”

“Y/n.”

“Well, Y/n,” Kiyoko says, that flush still on the tips of her cheekbones as she averts her gaze, a little self-consciously. “How about the next time you need a break, you come knock on my room door and we can go out and do something to take your mind off it?”

“I’d like that.”

Ngl, I had trouble writing this one because I wasn't sure if it would be relatable enough? But I figured of all years to talk about the worst parts of the holiday season, it was this one because oh lord do the holidays remind us that covid-19 sucks butt. Anyways, this is your reminder that you're allowed to feel sad right now. You might be separated from your friends and family or maybe you had to be laid off and money is tight, or maybe you just miss the way things used to be where we could go out and do things. Maybe the holidays just aren't for you, and the negative emotions weigh out the positive ones every year. All those feelings are valid, and take this as a sign to reach out to someone if you need to. My dms are always open if you need someone to talk to <3

#haikyuu!!#haikyu x reader #haikyū!!#hq #hq!! x reader #kiyoko shimizu #kiyoko x reader #hq kiyoko #not home for the holidays

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mantra4ia · 4 years ago

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Lucifer 5x06 "Blueballz" reaction'd w/ spoilers

August 27th 2020

Pre ep. thoughts: This is the episode where Lucifer and Chloe finally sleep together, with the title like that how could it not be? The writers aren't even trying to hide it from us anymore.

That's a red herring. Oh what teases.

Finger locking foreplay? Yes.

He's holding up the crime tape for her...yeeees.

"Excuse us" not me, Us. ‼️‼️⚠️

Don't try to fool the lab tech. Ella sees all the evidence. They drove together. They're flirting at a crime scene. They are like high schoolers. Lopez knows.

"We have about 500 potential witnesses, that are all drunk and most likely very high." Lucifer has never looked so disappointed that so many people were on drugs.

Lucifer about DJ Karnal: "One DJ with a modicum of talent...but does everything have to be about sex" you waltzed right into that one...

Finally, we get to see an ex that's not Dan. Compared to Lucifers library of exes, It shouldn't be a problem. But it still seems to ruffle his feathers just as much.

"Cherry Jane?" Are you kidding me? That's too much temptation for Lucifer to ignore. That's like personal torment straight from God.

Jed: "are you still with Dave" Lucifer: "Dan!" You know we're in deep jealousy territory when Lucifer is defending Dan without a second thought.

Jed: "Are you in a relationship?" Ooooooooooooooooh noooooooooooooo! Lucifer's face does not like that.

You have no idea how close you are to death you are Jed. You've got a devil on your shoulder.

Lucifer: "The Detective had a child with you and I never felt the slightest bit threatened." Zing #1

Uggh, I hate those protesters. Sidenote: This episode feels very personal to me. Jed supporting a low income housing project which is awesome, and people are protesting for "the quality of their neighborhood." We have a similar development in my neighborhood except it's not low income housing. It's a project to turn a vacant hotel property into a mental health and rehab facility. Yet people in the neighborhood are affluent and are constantly protesting because they're worried about property value and the quality of their neighborhood and their schools. I'm so sick to death of it. I would do exactly what Chloe did. So much kudos to that woman. Great job on that bit writers!

Jed named the charity after Chloe. "He's trying to get close to you again. / No one would go that far just to be near me." 💜 "I did go to hell and back for you twice but who's counting?" Oh snap! 😈 Lucifer is tripping hard.

Chloe: "Are you jealous?" Lucifer: "Of that man child who scratches records for a living." Zing #2

At least Charlie doesn't have wings popping out everywhere.

Dan: "I have faith in you pal" Amenadiel: "Great cop, great dad, and your hair is so high" Dan and Amenadiel, bff's are too precious for words. #Dandielion

Lucifer's solution to a snake is poke it with a stick - how very Whovian.

"Chloe dumped you?" Oh man, you can just see Lucifer's nerosies are going into overdrive. There's practically smoke coming out of his ears.

"Lucifer's really experienced [in bed]" Oh man, Chloe's nerosies are going into overdrive.

"Oh, you're waiting on an STD check, smart." I still can't believe Amenadiel had an STD scare and a baby before Lucifer ever did.

Sweet, first the Dan twins now the Ella twins. Whatever happened to Dan and Ella? Put her back on the path to goodness.

"Did you steal my clothes?" Borrowed with no intent to give back.

Ever plan a raid: Let the return of lady's night commence!

Amenadiel: "Linda handed me the baby and left." Dan: "what did you do?" Dan is the perfect human.

"As long as the killer doesn't cry or wet themselves, I am in. I am gonna find the killer." Linda's zeal is out of this world, but don't burn yourself right out of the gate. Steady on.

Hohooo - Guys night in, incredible. It takes a village to raise a Charlie.

Although let's be clear, recycling these plots from seasons ago is going to get old real quick unless they get creative and mix things up.

Come on Lucifer, be like Trixie, make a funny face. It would be hilarious if Charlie was soothed be Lucifer's devil face.

I find it really interesting how Maze reads Ella. how she knows that Ella needs an improved sense of self worth. And that all it takes is to challenge her, throw down the gauntlet, and say "Step up your game Lopez!" Now I hope that Maze takes her own advice.

Did Chloe really just ask Linda about her sex history with Lucifer? I am turning purple.

"He's the oldest immature person in the world, nay, universe." Drunk Linda is still so stoic. Perfect foil to "the oldest young person Lucifer's ever met."

"You got played son." Dan's finest hour.

I CALLED IT. Straight out of every fanfiction ever written. Funny faces, right Trix? Faces that make babies laugh and grown men weep. I think we have an official new kind of Heavenly Bros tag team: Heavenly Bros versus the baby.

"Do it again Luci" my thoughts exactly Amenadiel. No wonder they've been saving up the devil face all season so far.

It's a little Sonic-the-hedgehog weird to see a devil face and human hands. I would have gone full effect on that shot.

So much body glitter. And dang, Linda crashed hard.

"You can't find a soulmate if you don't have a soul." 😭😭😭😭 But we were doing so well with her character development. Naughty writers, bad! Fix this now.

Oh Lord, the face and the dagger eyes Amenadude and Luci make when he thinks Dan or is going to wake up Charlie. And here I thought Lucifer's devil face was funny. DB Woodside's face is adorably 1,000 times better.

"You want my advice? Stop asking for advice."

NoNoooNoNoNooo, I want to Dan to find out about angels, but from Amenadiel. NOT LIKE THAT. Michael you ****HEAD! Oh this is going to mess with Dan's head. I hope Amenadiel can talk him down. Don't let this break up the BFFs #DanDielion and #Bracelet Bros. Please dear Dad! We just had Dan's finest hour, don't swing to the darkest hour.

Yep, set up the friendships just to knock them down. F---

"Incredible!" Isn't that what I said, like five or six points ago?

"Goodnight." 3...2...1... I think you're taking christening the new piano a little too literally Deckerstar. 😈💜🕵️‍♀️

I like how she says "oh God" when she can't unbutton his shirt, but he doesn't protest.

Yikes, I bet that's Dan calling trying to warn Chloe.

The writer's room are such teases. This whole season has been so heavily weighted with Deckerstar: will they, won't they, almost to the point where it got tedious. Almost. And now you're telling me that they got all the way to the penthouse bedroom, and we've seen all of Lucifer and Lucifer has seen all of Chloe, and WE don't get to see them...*Amenadiel-esque epiphany* oh, that's why you called the episode...

You cruel, manipulative b*******s!

So how are you going to explain the sleepover to Trixie? 😉

Grade: 9.5/10 DETECTIVES!

If you're here this season for the Deckerstar, there's a ton so far written specifically for you. Personally, while I love the good ship Deckerstar, I'm glad we finally made it to this destination so that it can evolve.

#netflix lucifer #lucifer s5 #lucifer season 5 #lucifer morningstar #chloe decker #Lucifer 5x06 #5x06 Blueballz #dandiel #dandielion #bracelet bros #lucifer spoilers #deckerstar #finally

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nebulize-my-mind · 3 years ago

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Okay guys, gals, enby pals, and those who dislike all those terms and are just people friends. Long time in the making. Surprised it took this long. Rant about my parents time. You have been warned, you do not have to read if you don't want. I know other have it much worse and I wish them all the best but this is me de-stressing.

Good lord sometimes I don't know how my mom and dad are still married. I asked her once if "he was like this" when they got married and got a resounding no. Why I was constantly terrified of divorce in middle school and the majority of high school, esteemed persons.

Dad has a slightly insensitive and at worst offensive sense of humor, never thinks or admits he's wrong, changes his opinions whenever someone agrees with him, lies, never helps around the house, is extremely hypocritical about helping around the house and time spent on electronics, is constantly late and/or flakes out, and didn't go to my school events, even when I specifically asked him to be there because there was something I thought he'd enjoy, after elementary school even when he said he'd be there. Then randomly decides he wants to be a parent but just ends up telling me I'm doing everything wrong and it should be his way, which is often outdated, just plain not what I want even though it only affects me (see: college dorm room decor), and/or rude to my teachers or other professionals. He gets annoyed that me and my brother take up so much of my mom's time. Any plan that isn't his will be shot down or "critiqued" harshly. He complained that I wasn't worried enough about the cost of college after I'd spent days searching and applying for scholarships, then brushed it off when I got a couple, one a fair amount of money. Same deal with when I got that job, said it was inconsequential/practically worthless in the grand scheme (which yeah, I know I'm not going to make that much money but still, I'm trying!) and got annoyed I wasn't around the house as much after he had previously told me to get out of the house more. He also lashes out, takes out work frustrations on his family, and is snippy.

Mom tries her best and I kind of hate pointing these out, but she's not perfect, no one is. She complains about Dad's snippiness but can be just as overly sensitive and snippy right back without realizing it. And I know this wasn't her intention, but an unhealthy amount of my very low self esteem is tied up in my grades, which aren't allowed to be less than an A without her coming to see "what's wrong" because she had access to my grades. Thanks for seeing if I need help but please stop implying that a B is unacceptable. Also, unless you can show her a paper telling her that you have been professionally diagnosed with clinical depression or anxiety you're not allowed to use those words to describe your emotions (to an extent, I agree that we shouldn't trivialize those with them but also... they are emotions people without those conditions can and do experience). And I swear she thinks I'm her personal therapist. She will spend over an hour complaining to me about my father, work, people, life, and my father, sometimes more than once a day. Yes, I said that twice. I'm glad she trusts me, that's great, glad I could help, but oh my gods I want to cry. I can't take it, I swear I'm going to have a breakdown one of these days. I had a minor emotional one sophomore or junior year. I curled up into a ball and did breathing exercises once after a "session." I have my own shit to deal with, please, please, please, I want to help you but I can't handle both of our problems.

(Someone suggested, without knowing anything about all of this, that I would make a great therapist. My answering "no" was way too loud and might have freaked them out a bit.)

Mental health is also never discussed in this household. Dad probably has undiagnosed ADHD/ADD. I'm pretty sure I have some sort of minor undiagnosed anxiety (though I don't want to make any claims and take away from those who actually do). But NOPE EVERYTHING'S FINE.

Okay, done now. Sorry. Thanks for reading if you made it all the way down here.

#rant #long rant #mom #mother #parents #father #dad #sorry #long post #tldr: im exhausted and complain too much #'night everybody

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snek-snacc-ficc · 4 years ago

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hi hello prompt: anxceit but Patton (u!patton? doesn’t-know-better!patton? you decide) makes comments to Virgil about Janus’ backward talk implying that he’s lying when he compliments him/tells him he loves him, so Virgil starts to think that Janus really means the opposite of the nice/caring things he says (ie, ‘you look good in that shirt’ -> ‘you look awful’; ‘you need to eat more’ -> ‘you need to not eat’). of course, Janus is horrified when he finds out, but does Virgil believe him anymore?

I was so happy to get a chance to write anxceit, I really love the ship and loved this prompt so I hope I did it justice!

Warnings: u!Patton, food/ brief mention of food related issues

Words: 1,726

Janus being accepted by the others had been absolutely amazing for Virgil.

At first.

Initially they had had a long discussion, filled with explanations and tearful apologies that ended with the two deciding to pick up their relationship where they had left off, and god Virgil had missed it. He couldn’t believe he had forgotten how wonderful their shared gentle touches could be, or how fun it was to openly tease each other knowing there was no actual hatred behind their words. Everything seemed near perfect, until he realized one side appeared to take issue with them being together.

It took a while for him to catch on to the looks Patton would give them. The first few times he caught him frowning at them in disapproval he chalked it up to coincidence, or to him misinterpreting and overreacting to nothing. But the pattern seemed to continue. Janus would ruffle his hair in the morning, noting how nice it looked, and Patton would look up from where he was flipping pancakes with a cold expression. Janus would call him cute and he’d catch Patton’s head whip around and glare at them embracing. It baffled Virgil. Patton had never let on that he had any problem with Janus. If anything, he had been the side to most quickly accept and welcome him. Virgil wondered if he should question him about it, until it culminated during movie night.

The pair were cuddling on the couch, paying more attention to each other than Little Shop of Horrors (the compromise choice between the twins).

“Do you really think it looks alright?” Virgil asked, referring to the streaks of purple and black he had put in his hair.

“If we can shape shift, you definitely shouldn’t take advantage of it,” Janus said, carding his fingers through it. “I love it, and I’m sure Thomas will feel the same”

Virgil smiled and began to lean into his chest, stopping when he caught the look Patton was throwing their way.

“Hey Virge,” he said, his voice carrying its usual bubbly tone despite it clashing with the harsh expression he wore, “why don’t you come help me make some more popcorn real quick?”

This was his chance to get to the bottom of things.

“Be right back,” he said to Janus, following Patton into the kitchen.

“Okay,” he began the moment the door shut, “what's wrong with you lately? Everytime Janus and I are together, you act like you have some sort of problem with it.”

Patton sighed. “Look kiddo, I just don’t want to see you get hurt by all of this.”

“What?”

Patton fiddled with the ends of his cardigan. “It's just... I know Janus is here to help Thomas with his mental health, but he's still Deceit.”

“And?” Virgil glowered. Of course he was. Just like he was still Anxiety, and Remus still controlled intrusive thoughts. He had thought they were past this.

“And,” Patton said, “I don’t like watching him lie to you all the time.”

Seeing Virgil’s face turn confused as well as upset, he continued.

“Like in there, for example. Him saying you should take advantage of being able to shape shift? Isn’t that kind of insulting, it’s like saying you should change how you look? Especially since then he said he hates it, and that Thomas will too.”

“That isn’t what he mea-”

“But how can we be sure? How can you be sure?” Patton cut in. “Anything he says could be a lie, right? And it sure seems like he does it an awful lot, and with the issues you two have had in the past… I’m just worried this might be something underhanded Virge, and I don’t like watching him say such awful things to you.”

Virgil faltered a moment but pushed it down, raising his voice in his disgust that Patton would consider such a thing. “Thats-Thats not what he’s doing at all, okay?! I don’t need your input. We’ve known each other longer than you’ve known either of us, and I know Janus wouldn’t lie about anything like that, so whatever your problem is, leave us out of it!”

He stormed out, slamming the door behind him. He flopped back down next to Janus, who didn’t bother to ask why he came out without the popcorn Patton had mentioned in his half-asleep state. Instead he lazily extended his extra arms out, pulling Virgil in closer.

He couldn’t believe Patton would even suggest something like that, especially after things seemed to be getting so much better between everyone. It was ridiculous, and probably nothing more than Patton clinging onto his old ideas about morality. There was nothing to worry about at all. Still, despite the swarm of justifications and reasonings that filled his mind, he couldn’t help a hint of uneasiness creeping in among them.

The feeling only got worse after the movie was over and everyone retreated to their rooms for the night. Janus had given him a small kiss before they went to bed like always, but this time something felt... off. A chill of discomfort ran through his body. He broke away quicker than usual, saying his good night and rushing to his room.

All night he struggled to fall asleep, but his mind wouldn’t stop fighting with itself, Patton’s words poisoning everything that had felt so wonderful and right just a few hours ago. He tried everything on his checklist to calm down, but no amount of breathing exercises seemed to help.

This is stupid.

But maybe it's not.

He loves me.

He hated me.

We talked.

He could be lying.

He doesn’t lie all the time.

But he might.

Deceit.

But he might.

What if everythings been a lie?

Trying to trick us all.

Janus might not even be his real name.

Lying.

Always lying.

Deceit.

What if…

The following days didn't help shake the feeling. Every word Janus said brought a new wave of uneasiness for Virgil, and he internally cringed with each kiss and touch they shared.

One afternoon after experimenting with one of Remus’s eyeshadow palettes, Janus complimented the shimmery smokey purple on his eyelids. He spent a whole half hour in the bathroom after that, examining it in the mirror and with each passing moment regretting more and more ever putting it on. He finally scrubbed it all off and spent the rest of the day shut up in his room.

The worst incident had to be the day Janus had made a blackberry pie. He had always been a wonderful baker and even Virgil in his conflicted state of mind couldn’t resist having a slice. When Janus saw how much he seemed to enjoy it he smiled.

“Go ahead and have more if you want Stormcloud,” he said, before sinking out to see what Thomas needed him for.

The comment sent a wave of nausea over him. He was eating too much. Especially sweets. He ate too many sweets. He should stop eating them. He should stop eating.

He skipped dinner that night, staying in his room once more.

It didn’t take Janus long to catch on that something was wrong. At first he waved it off as Virgil just being on edge for one reason or another, but when he noticed after a week he was still acting strange he decided he should approach him about it.

“Stormcloud?” he asked after the other nearly shuddered when he placed his hand on him, “Is something wrong.”

“N-”

“And think very carefully before you answer,” he cut in, “I can tell if you’re lying.”

It was like something snapped in Virgil.

“Because that's what you’re good at, right? You’re the oh-so-sly “Lord of the Lies,” as you called it. And you’ve been lying to Thomas, and you’ve been lying to the others, and you’ve been lying to me!” There was a frantic, almost hysteric edge to his voice as he finally shouted the accusations that had been growing and haunting him for days now.

Janus looked taken aback. “Virgil, what are you talking about? I thought we’d already discussed this.”

“But how am I supposed to know that wasn’t just another lie? How are any of us supposed to know? Maybe everything you ever told me was a lie!” His voice began to distort as he descended into full on panic. “You don’t actually love me, you hate me, and think I’m horrible and disgusting, and you want to get rid of me and-”

“Virgil.”

He felt a soft touch on his cheek and was gently brought to eye contact with Janus, his voice remaining calm and soft despite the tears that were threatening to fall from his eyes.

Virgil’s heavy breathing slipped into a slightly more regular pattern at the sight.

“Virgil, what on Earth made you think all that?”

A twinge of guilt set in at how hurt Janus looked, and the small voice screaming “distrust” in the back of his mind shrunk a bit.

“Patton.”

Janus’s eyes narrowed, but he didn’t say a word, simply letting Virgil speak.

“Patton told me that he thought maybe you were still lying, and that you had been faking everything because you were still mad at me.”

Janus pushed down the bubbling anger he felt knowing that after everything that had happened Patton would still think something like that of him, instead focusing on Virgil.

“Virgil, I’m so sorry if I did anything to make you think that.” He paused a moment. “I don’t know what I can say to convince you of my honesty, other than reassure you that it’s there. We can all take our roles too far, but I would never do anything to hurt Thomas or the others, especially not you. And,” he sighed, trying to restrain his bitterness, “that's something that might take some time for Patton to get used to fully accepting.”

It was Virgil’s turn to tear up, now overwhelmed by guilt for ever considering anything malicious of Janus.

“I’m so sorry,” he choked out, head hanging low.

Janus wrapped his arms around him, pulling them into a hug.

“It's alright, love. Just please, tell me if anything like this comes up again.”

Virgil nodded, “I will.”

This time when the two kissed there were no feelings of distrust or unease, only trust and the warm feeling of love.

#anxceit #sanders sides #virgil sanders #janus sanders #unsypathetic patton

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paradiselostbythedashboardlight · 4 years ago

Text

Quarantine, or How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Wrote 430,943 Words of Prose in a Year

As we are coming up terrifyingly fast on a full year of quarantine with no end to the pandemic yet in sight for most people, I’ve been taking some time to reflect on the last year of my existence in a state that most people now refer to as quarantine. Since March of 2020, I, like most other sane people in my country, have stopped traveling, going to stores, seeing all but a limited group of other humans, and begun having recurring nightmares about being in crowds without a piece of cloth over my nose and mouth.

Suffice to say, it has been a bit stressful.

The other thing that I have done since COVID-19 began rapidly spreading across the globe last year is write over 430,943 words of fiction.

The number seems insane to me still. That is (approximately) one Gone With The Wind, one entire Lord of the Rings series, or the first four Harry Potter books. That is still sadly not yet War and Peace (but who knows… the pandemic isn’t over yet).

So now that I am looking back, I find myself with one question: how did this happen? Why did I do this? What does this mean about my life this year?

Since apparently I answer best by writing a lot, let’s begin at the beginning. Let me tell you a story. I’ll keep it short, I swear.

Part 1: Blast From the Past

In March of 2020, I was still in the midst of an academic semester. There was a long academic document to write and a class to teach. However, as quarantine abruptly robbed me of most of my usual commitments, I was suddenly thrust into the position of having more time on my hands than I knew what to do with. Consequently, I decided to break out the Nintendo Switch I’d gotten for Christmas and revive a childhood interest in video games.

And boy did I. I played the games I owned for all they were worth. I played them during the evenings when I had no social engagements to attend. I played them during the Zoom meetings I was already struggling to pay attention to. By the end of March, I had finished one game, and it had set the wheels turning in my brain.

Here’s a fact about me: I don’t usually tend to write or read a lot of fanfiction about things that I consider really really good. Basically, fanfiction for me has always been an impulse born from incompletion or imperfection. I see no need to add to a perfect story (although I happily consume and create fanart). But for something enjoyable and yet slightly unsatisfying? That’s fanfic territory, bud.

So by April, I had developed a sort of epic fanfiction for this video game I was playing. It was one of those magnum opus kind of ideas, a grand retelling of the story with a huge sprawling plot and Themes (™).

At first, it was merely a thought experiment that lived only in my head, a sort of entertainment to ponder in the hours before falling asleep. What changed? Well, a friend of mine decided to also write a fanfiction on the same video game and she kindly consented to let me read it.

Suddenly, I was ravenously hungry to read and to write and to share and to consume. I wrote a hundred thousand words of this fanfic in April and into early May, sending each chapter to my friend and being spurred onward by her kind comments.

The fic became a gargantuan endeavor full of strange little challenges I set for myself. It was a canon-divergence, requiring plotting, worldbuilding, a darker and grimer tone. For some reason, I decided to write each chapter from a different character’s perspective, making the final product into a series of essentially short story character studies which together formed a plot.

By the end of May, the story was published for the world to see. It was well-received, although not particularly popular by fandom standards. And that was the end. I had gotten out my pandemic crazies, the semester was over and now I could move on. I had made my peace with the source material, plumbing all of the little details that I wanted to examine and creating a narrative that I found satisfying.

It was over.

Part 2: Summer Lovin?

Except that it wasn’t.

Confession: as I had been posting my giant fanfiction, I had also begun to explore the fan community itself, mostly curious to see some nice art and gather a bit of demographic info about what was popular within the community. As a result, I found a fanfic recommendations page. Among the recommendations was one author who kept popping up and i finally decided to give the fic a read.

Woah. It was good. Like, really good. Like, professional quality writing and themes that seemed designed to appeal to me. I devoured everything that the creator had posted in a week and then subscribed to eagerly wait for more.

As June rolled around, I realized that I had a problem on my hands. My great big gen masterpiece was finished, but this author had gotten me hooked on something else, something with a nefarious reputation online: shipping.

The term du jour for this seems to be “brain worms” so let’s just say that reading other fanworks had given me some brain worms. Inspired this time not just by the source material of the game, but now the fan community itself, my mind began to develop another idea.

I wrote the fic, about 11k, in a single afternoon of frantic writing. When I finished it, I knew it was one of my strongest pieces. It had just come together, a combination of all the thought that I’d been brewing up and a stylistic execution that just worked with the story I wanted to tell.

I posted it on a new account. Shipping seemed vaguely shameful to me still and my mom reads the other account.

To my surprise, the fic blew up. It got so much more attention than my long fic ever had. Even more significantly, a fan artist actually drew a gorgeous comic of the pivotal scene, completely out of the blue! I was essentially thunderstruck. Honestly, it was probably the first time in my life that I’d ever received so much positive reinforcement from a piece of writing.

While I’d written short stories for undergrad workshops, they’d never been particularly good and I’d never gotten particularly great feedback on them. I’d applied and been rejected by more MFAs and literary magazines than I could count. I’d pretty much resigned myself to writing for an audience of me and me alone (which I don’t mean to sound tragic about, writing for you is great and fun!)

But receiving so much support and praise and feeling like I’d made other people happy or sad or moved? There’s nothing better.

This makes my decision to write another fic for the ship sound vaguely cynical, the action of a person driven by an addiction to praise. I mean, no lie, aren’t we all a little addicted to approval?

But my next fic was another long one, an 80k passion project modern AU that I dreamed up while spending a slow summer alone with my books and only able to leave the house for long rambling walks in the woods. The premise was essentially about characters attending a five year college reunion, something that I myself had missed due to COVID in May of the same year. The fic quickly became a way for me to process thoughts on a lot of topics in my life ranging from relationships to politics to mental health to classical literature.

This fic was also received with far more attention than I was used to and, as a result, I finally joined the notorious Twitter dot com where I found people talking about my fic unprompted, eager to follow me and like my every random thought.

I can’t say that this process was not without its ups and downs. Fandom has changed, in many ways for the better, since my last engagement with it during the 2013 Supernatural days on Tumblr. While fan friendships are often idealized or demonized, they are pretty much like any other human friendship (okay, maybe a little bit more horny on main). There is potential for amazing connection as well as pettiness. But in a year where many people suddenly had no social spaces that were safe anymore, I’m glad that I found a new line of communication with the world.

So I kept writing fics for the ship, producing a lot of work that I am genuinely proud of and making connections with other people who enjoyed it enough to leave a comment.

To conclude this section, I was in fandom again. While I had not seriously engaged with a fan community since around 2014, I was back with a vengeance. And I had discovered an important truth about what unlocked my ability to write more than I ever had before: community support.

Not simply the kudos and the views. It was the comments. The discourse. The discussion. To add and contribute my thoughts and ideas to a greater network of thoughts and ideas that fed off of one another.

Often I had seen people complain about there not being enough fanworks for particular media or characters. Now I knew the secret. The comments and the community created the works. If I commented on other people’s fics, the more likely they were to write more. I made a resolution I have tried to keep, to comment on any story that I legitimately enjoyed reading, even if I had no particularly intelligent thing to say about it.

Part 3: A Novel Idea

By late October, I had produced a considering oeuvre for my ship of choice and was enjoying slowing my pace as I planned a few future projects.

Remember, though, how I mentioned not having engaged with fandom for the past 5 years? Well, that didn’t mean I hadn’t been writing.

For the past 4 years, I have won NaNoWriMo and completed 4 novels of over 100k each in length. These projects have been massively fun and improved my confidence with executing stories at the scope that I desire.

And so in November 2020, I settled down to write another novel. November is always a sort of terrible time write a novel if you work in academia, but this year, I had more time than usual. I set out to write a comedy fantasy novel, something mostly lighthearted and full of hijinks in order to pretend away some of the quarantine blues (which by this point were well established in my psyche).

This year in particular, I was reminded that writing a novel is… harder than fanfic. That seems like a very obvious point, but I’d written novels before. Suddenly, though, I was realizing how much a novel requires you to set up the world and the characters, while fanfic can be pretty much all payoff all the time.

While the fanfic flowed in wild creative bursts of energy, the novel required diligence of another sort. I wrote 2,000 words every day for two months. It was a grind. Sometimes, it was a slog.

And sometimes it just wasn't good. The thing about writing your own novels is that the first draft is way more likely to be not good. You’re balancing a lot and it’s easy to let a few balls that you have in the air drop for a chapter or two, with no recourse but to go back and edit later.

I finished the novel by writing a final speedrun of 6k on new years eve, ending my 2020 with another project under my belt. No one has read it. Not even I have reread it.

I’m still glad that I wrote it. I’ll write another one next year. No one will read that one either.

Sometimes, we write for ourselves and no external validation is necessary.

Part 4: Where are they now?

January of 2021 is somehow now behind me, which is terrifying. I’m still writing. Mostly fanfic, although occasionally I go doodle around with some original ideas that are more conceptual sketches for the next novel.

As for the fanfic, I think I still have a few more good ideas left in me, but I will probably leave it behind before the year is out. That feels a little bittersweet, a sort of temporary burst of fun and friendship that I wonder if I’ll ever experience again.

Coming to the end of this reflection, I suppose I should make a summative statement about what it all means.

In the end, it might not mean a lot. There are some small takeaways.

It turns out that encouragement makes you write more! Who knew? Also, more free time makes you write more! Wow!!!!

The point that I think this reflection exercise has shown me, the point that I think matters more than any other, is that writing is a way to process my thoughts. Even if it is through the lens of ridiculous video game fanfic or novels about sad wizards, my writing is my way to make sense of my own mind.

And sharing that is special. If you share it with online strangers, with your family on Christmas Eve, with your close friend who has become even closer and dearer to you since she let you read her work, or just with your mom (the one personal legally required to read your damn novel if you want to share it). To share writing is to give someone a little peek at your beliefs about the world.

And right now? When we’re still isolated and bored and scared and in desperate need of distraction? Binge some TV, play Nintendo, read a book. Take in other people’s thoughts.

But put down your own somewhere as well. It’s a conversation.

And for once, it’s a conversation that doesn’t have to take place on fucking Zoom.

#writing #personal rambling #fanfiction

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