#lord above ok here we go

[pachinkosprites]

procrastinating on doing stuff for other characters by doing something for Several More Characters in a different medium

[spacebarbarianweird]

Widower Astarion Headcanons

Ok, we wanted pain - I bring you pain. @astarionsbeloved @wickedwitchofthewilds @sleepykitty21 @starlight-ipomoea

Masterlist

Headcanons

Astarion isn't an idiot; he knows you are mortal, a topic you've discussed before.

Jokingly, he suggested you find a vampire lord, but even if one were found, Astarion would never allow you to turn into a vampire.

"It hurts, it's painful. The existence of a vampire is miserable. I will never do this to you."

The price of mortality is death.

You made him promise not to step into the sunlight and to keep living, carrying memories of you into the future.

You die as you always wanted: in a glorious battle, or safe and comfy in your bed, or brought home by Astarion to a place you grew up in.

You die with no regrets, sorrows, or complaints.

Astarion is numb; all the feelings he learned how to express are gone with your last breath.

He dissociates; it's not him, not now, not real—he is somewhere else.

He hides in the shadows, safe in the darkness and lonely.

Unfortunately, Astarion has never learned how to be alone; you never left him on his own for a long time.

He realizes he can't meditate; there is a mental block preventing him from doing so in your absence.

It's even worse since he can't give himself a break.

Eventually, some friends of yours give him a Potion of Angelic Slumber. He sleeps for a few days in a row, without dreams and nightmares.

When he wakes up, the first thing he does is look for you, and then he realizes you're gone.

In this moment, Astarion breaks down, crying and cursing in Elven and Common.

His back hurts as if there are flesh wounds; the cold grip of darkness holds his undead heart. The tears burn the crimson eyes.

He mourns, grieves, wishes to be dead, but the given promise and the innate desire to survive prevent him from going into the sun.

For the first few years, he lives as a hermit in your shared house, starving himself by not hunting and spending months on your side of the bed without moving at all.

It's not life; it's an existence, miserable and hopeless when he imagines you alive.

A wake-up call is sudden but almost divine.

Deep in his thoughts, he finds himself in his own grave in Baldur's Gate, seeing you six feet above him as young as you were back during the tadpole adventure.

"I didn't get you out of this grave to let you bury yourself. Come on, you promised to me to live! Then, live! This is my last gift."

He wakes up, starving and cold, goes up and leaves for hunting. He hunts for a few days, satiating himself with animal and sentient beings' blood.

As his mind returns to him, Astarion washes and repairs his clothes, brushes his hair, makes himself look decent.

He ravages through your things, collecting them carefully in one place. You wouldn't want a shrine, so he sells the things he won't be able to use anymore.

He puts on your wedding ring (now he has two identical rings) and also a necklace you always liked.

He re-sews one of your gowns into a shirt; now, it feels like you are still with him.

Astarion leaves his first forever home and starts his own journey, taking the role of a sole adventurer - a monster hunter, a protector of the weak. He has always had this heroic side in him, just never admitted.

The most difficult thing is to stay alone; people praise him for saving someone from a monster, but they fear mingling with a vampire.

Sometimes, Astarion cries in his tent, cursing the evil gods for taking the only good thing he ever had.

He constantly talks to himself, imagining you standing beside him.

He actually enjoys these one-sided monologues because he can pretend you are still here.

Years pass, memories of the happy life fade. Astarion joins groups of adventurers here and there but always feels off.

Eventually, he finds the strength to live up to his promise, to enjoy what he has.

He explores places he has never been to, does things he has never done, and hears stories he has never heard.

He makes friends, mostly among long-living creatures. "Oh, my young vampire friend! It's been a while!" A wizard elf greets him with open arms. "I am 400 years older than you, idiot," Astarion chuckles and returns a hug.

Most importantly, he preserves the memory about you, paying bards and storytellers, talking about you at campfires, and putting you as an example of kindness and bravery.

Once, Astarion hears a song, "The One Who Saved Baldur's Gate." The motive and words are nice, but the more he listens to it, the more in shock he is.

This song known to every decent bard in Swords Coast is about you, a distant memory, a long-forgotten story.

He has fulfilled your promise, made sure you live in people's hearts. This day is bittersweet; he cries his eyes out, listening to that song over and over again.

But he feels happy, the first time in years.

With decades to pass, Astarion creates the Blood Guild - a union of vampires and dhampirs who prefer to hunt monsters rather than be ones. They also keep an eye on other vampires who are a danger to mortals, especially those who make spawns and thralls out of innocent victims.

Having immortal undead friends feels nice; having friends who understand his issues, too.

He finds himself in the position of a mentor; vampires come to him for advice and emotional support.

Then he meets a person, a runaway spawn, angry with what happened to them, determined to do whatever it takes to break their chains. Astarion agrees to help; they constantly bicker about every single thing—views on life, personal experiences, shared interests.

This new person is annoying, obnoxious, brave, and lovable. Suddenly Astarion realizes he doesn't want to stay in his tent alone; he doesn't want to speak to himself anymore.

The long-forgotten feeling of loving someone aches in his undead heart, but now it's not his turn to confess.

"You know, I've been manipulating you into helping me. I am sorry. if you want, I will go away."

"You are a good person, Astarion. No one is like you. But you deserve honesty and something real."

Astarion smiles back and hugs this person.

This relationship is different; the runaway spawn is nothing like you, different in every way possible—personality, appearance, behavior, views on life, everything.

At first, there is profound guilt, as if he betrays your memory by having another romantic relationship.

They talk, sharing the darkest and saddest parts of their immortal lives—crimes they had to commit, lives they lost.

Eventually, Astarion tells them about you—how wonderful you were, how kind, how brave, how much you meant to him. His new love smiles and takes away a strand curl from his face.

"So, this is the person I must thank for you?".

He helps his new love to break the chains by killing the vampire lord.

Returning back, Astarion starts talking about the future.

Adventures? Of course! His partner is also a spawn, they need healing and freedom the same way he needed many years ago.

And then - who knows? Life is full of cruel wonders. Especially, for immortals.

--

Tag list

@tragedybunny @caitlincat-95 @tallymonster @astarionsbeloved @lumienyx @fayeriess @elora-the-slutty-songstress @veillsar @astarion-imagine-archive @micropoe10 @starlight-ipomoea @herstxrgirl @theearthsfinalconfession @ashrio20 @not-so-lost-after-all @vixstarria @wintersire @marcynomercy

[were-wolverine]

batfam as new girl quotes

steph: where are you, tim? this place is fancy and i don’t know which fork to kill myself with.

***

dick (16 y/o): i’ll take you through the whole thing. i’ll be like your guide.

jason (13 y/o): like gandalf through middle-earth?

dick: ok, first of all, let’s take the Lord of the Rings references and put them in a deep, dark cave where no one will ever find them.

jason: except smeagol. he lives in a cave.

***

tim: you text me “happy monday.” what am i supposed to do with that?

damian: oh, i don’t know. maybe have a happy monday?

(he’s trying to be nice)

***

jason: would you consider us adorable?

dick: no! we’re adult men.

dick: we’re cute.

***

cass: you always see the worst in people.

damian: yeah, because people are the worst!

***

steph: i mean, bruce, we love you, but…

steph: but you’re not a man of the people.

bruce: of course i’m not a man of the people. i’m above the people.

***

cass: we’re a family. families talk about things.

jason: no, families ignore things until they go away.

***

new parent bruce: dick, do you want to go to sleep?

9 y/o dick: no way.

bruce: if you do, i’ll write you a check for $6,000.

***

duke: what are you doing in here?

tim: eating cookies and avoiding confrontation.

(in the bathroom at a gala)

***

steph: jason, come on, that’s like the president and the vice president not being best friends.

jason: they’re not best friends.

steph: come on. everybody knows they’re best friends.

***

dick: i’m in love!

damian: titus, clear my schedule. i need a word with our brother.

***

steph: duke, those shoes are not brown! they’re green!

duke: you guys are idiots! they’re as brown as money.

cass: what color is kermit the frog?

duke: brown! he’s a brown frog.

tim: duke! you’re color blind, dude.

***

bruce: darn it! has anyone seen my croquet cleats?

***

tim: hey guys, do you think i’m a good person?

steph: you’re a terrible person. it’s hilarious.

***

dick: i’m very quick on my… uh…

jason: did you just forget the word ‘feet’?

dick: feet, yeah.

(he’s been awake for 72 hours without sleep)

***

duke: i can’t believe i didn’t notice this before but damian, you are legitimately crazy.

damian: i think we’re all a little bit crazy, don’t you, thomas?

duke: no, i mean, you’re like aging ballerina, child chess prodigy, professional magician crazy.

damian: it’s my grandfather’s fault.

duke: yeah okay fair enough

***

tim: if i was doing something stupid, you definitely would be involved.

dick: yeah, you’re damn right i would be. and i would probably be there to make it even stupider.

***

bruce: has anyone seen my good pea coat?

***

steph: i brake for birds. i rock a lot of polka dots. i have touched glitter in the last 24 hours!

steph: and that doesn’t mean i’m not smart and tough and strong.

***

jason: are you insane, bruce? we’re not ready.

jason: that’s like taking a musical from rehearsals straight to broadway. you got to workshop it first.

(pushing the theatre kid jason agenda)

***

dick: you realize i say goodnight to you every night and you never say goodnight back?

dick: what is the problem, jason? do you not want me to have a good night?

jason: oh my god you’re so overdramatic

***

tim: please don’t mistake my measured blank tone for calmness, as i am filled with waters of rage.

(he’s at a gala)

***

bruce: damn it! i can’t find my driving moccasins anywhere!

***

duke: what a dumb idea.

duke: do it.

(he is an enabler)

[dingodad]

Ok, so this has driven me crazy for the longest time. What the fuck happened to post retcon Japsersprite? The one we know is from pre retcon, since he was on John’s planet when he brought it into the void. Nothing was ever mentioned to happen to post retcon Jaspers, so where is he. I can’t believe Hussie forgot about him, he didn’t forget about the two Nannasprites. Did post retcon Jaspersprite just not exist? Maybe he died on LOWAS when Typheus blew it up, but there is no mention of that at all. I guess only Jade or the Nanna’s would know then, but nothing is ever said about it. Also is there a way to know if the Arquius that becomes lord English is the pre or post retcon version?

i'm gunna play good cop bad cop here cus there's an answer you don't want to hear and then there's a sort of interesting consolation prize answer at the end.

the answer you don't want to hear: it doesn't matter! :P i don't think this really needs explaining but the whole point of davepeta/jasprose's ultimate self spiels is that tying yourself in knots trying to figure out who's "pre-retcon" and who's "post-retcon" is, as they say, for the birds. john is john is john. hussie didn't "forget" that there are supposed to be two jaspersprites: while a story can occasionally get away with having two Daves or two Roses because Dave and Rose have interesting things to say to themselves, the fact that homestuck has even ONE character called jaspersprite simply strains the reader's ability to give a shit. there is the room nor the need for TWO jaspersprites, of all the damnedest things.

(there can be two nannasprites because two nannasprites are funny - but if there's one thing worse than creating the same CHARACTER twice, it's telling the same JOKE twice.)

the other answer is about sprites in particular. do you know why video game graphics used to be called "sprites"? i only thought to look this up just recently: it's because, like the fairies or spirits of folklore from which they get their name, they float above the background of the game world without interacting with it directly. this should form the basis for our understanding of homestuck's kernelsprite, as well, which borrows both from folklore and from computer programming. they are of course ghosts on a literal level, with spritely undead tails and the ability to pass through walls and physical barriers like they weren't there - but the way they interact with the story itself is similarly ethereal-and-or-ephemeral.

sprites appear at the whim of the heroes to serve a very particular purpose - which, you will notice, is exactly what davepeta says they're doing when they show up in hell - but then the moment that purpose is complete they might as well stop existing. dave- and jadesprite show up inexplicably on the battlefield as the reckoning begins: are they killing themselves now that their purposes are complete? where are all the lususprites, anyway; did they do the same thing? erisolsprite initially seems to indicate that he's going to fuck off and possibly explode like all the other sprites who hate themselves, but then just shows up again 200 pages later later at the convenience of the trickster arc. the same is true of all the sprites presumed-dead following the events of GAME OVER, who show up as-needed in the new timeline to form the next generation of redundant ghost freaks. this is simply how sprites operate. whether they're "alive" or "dead" at any given moment is the wrong way of looking at it - they're ghosts for goodness' sake!!

the fact that the story never tells us what happened to "that other jaspersprite" is supposed to make us think less about it, not more, because knowing where one of them is - the "ultimate" one, in fact - should be enough to put our minds at ease. but it also deliberately leaves the door open for another jaspersprite to show up if the story ever somehow, against all odds, finds a place to squeeze one in. which is again exactly what the plot point is currently doing with sprites like erisol, who for all intents and purposes was dead up until the moment page 666 started

[justmeinadaze]

Nothing's Gonna Change My World (Steddie X You) (Regency Era Universe)

AN: This is my first time writing for an era like this so bare with me. I think I could have done better with the details but alas! Please enjoy :)

Warnings: Steddie X Fem Y/N, In universe Regency Era Lords Steddie X Lady Fem Y/N, SMUT and FLUFF, established friendship in alternate universe, Friends to Lovers

ANGST, we learn more about these experimentees, both men talk about their parents and Eddie elaborates a bit more on how Steve treated him in school. Y/N talks a bit more about her family and status. At the end, she talks a bit more about her sister who has died. In the alternative universe, Steve's father is a dick who feels like he isn't measuring up. Calls Eddie and Y/N names (bastard & whore). Reader has a run in with someone who physically hurts her (no elaborate; just the after math), guys defend her.

Word Count: 5335

Series here/ Donate to Me <3

“You were definitely one of the lucky ones.”, the doctor exhales as he continues to make notes without looking your way. “A lot of the participants were either injured or experienced something they’d rather forget.”

Remaining silent, you press your lips together as you nod just wanting this to be over so you can go have a cigarette (and check on Eddie).

“Was there anything that stood out? People you knew or anything like that?”

“Uh, no. A group kidnapped me and wanted to use me for leverage. I was rescued and then went back to a compound where I was talking with people till I woke up. I did have memories of my sister still dying. Obviously not in the same way.”

“Huh.”, the doctor hummed as he made notes. 

“What?”

“It’s just interesting to have two participants experience a kidnapping. Another participant said he saved someone from being taken. Did you see Mr. Steve Harrington there?”

“No, I didn’t.”, you growled, annoyed at the man’s stupidity. 

“Ok. It’s not that outlandish in an environment like that so I’m not too concerned about it.”

“If we had seen each other would it be? Something to be concerned about I mean.”

“Hmmm… not really. It would be interesting to dissect, metaphorically of course. To meet someone you’ve only met through this avenue in an alternate reality, I mean, that would be so fascinating.”

“What if you saw them in more than one?”

The doctor chuckles as he leans back in his seat. 

“Theoretically that’s impossible but, if we’re speaking in theory, to meet the same someone in all different universes including this one? That sounds more metaphysical…like fate.”

“If that’s true…then it implies my sister was meant to die…no matter what universe we both lived in.”

Your voice comes out barely above a whisper causing the doctor to scan you over as he says your name but you promptly ignore him, rising to your feet as you power walk out of the room. 

While walking down the hallway, you hear people still sniffling as they continue to regale people with stories of the other universe and how terrified they were about moving forward. You were so focused on the sounds of sobs; you didn’t even notice you passed by Steve who leaned out of his bedroom when he noticed you walk by and followed quietly behind you. 

Eddie’s door was open but when you poked your head inside you realized he was asleep and still looked incredibly pained. As you tiptoed to his bedside, you noticed a little bruise starting to form where the nurse must have given him a shot to help calm him so he could rest. The other boy watches you with amusement as your sad eyes take in the man in front of you before you turn to the wall behind you, tapping your fingers gently against the light illuminated panel, and waiting for only a moment before a small door opens providing you with whatever it is you had purchased. 

Sitting beside him, you carefully opened the tube you bought, squirting a bit of gel on your palm and rubbing it along his purple wound.

“What’s that?”, Steve murmurs as your eyes flick his way. “That you’re putting on him.”

“Healing gel for bruises.”, you respond while tossing him the bottle so he can see. “That brand is good at soothing swelling and aches. Definitely needed some of it a time or two.”

When you giggle, he can’t help but smile at the sight.

“May I ask why? Why you’re doing that for him? You just…you seem a bit guarded.”, he clarified when you flashed him an annoyed look. 

“Yeah…Comes from years of bullshit. Plus…he was right. I’m terrified to let people in because something always happens. My sister was always there for me through the bad stuff but when I lost her… I just thought it was best to keep people at bay.”

“I can understand that.”, he nods, smirking when your quark your eyebrow his way. “Just because I’m an asshole doesn’t mean I don’t have feelings.”, Steve laughs. “I’m, um, sorry if I’ve come on to strong with my personality or been rude… It’s just my defense, you know?”

“I can understand that.”, you recite back making both your smiles grow. “I should go back to my room.”

Even as you say your words, your body doesn’t move. You know you should leave but something in your gut keeps tugging you towards the sleeping in man in front of you. He was in so much emotional pain and all you wanted to do was make it go away for him. 

Sighing, you curl up behind Eddie’s back, pressing your face into his shoulder as you wrap your arms around his waist.

***

When the long-haired boy woke up the following morning, he was completely confused when he felt a weight against his body until lifting the blanket and seeing a hand resting lazily against his stomach. 

As carefully as he could, he rolled over coming face to face with your sleeping frame. He should have been confused or annoyed even that you just crawled into his bed but for reasons he couldn’t explain he felt like this was completely normal. Like he had spent the last few years waking up to you already. 

Eddie wondered if maybe the experiment was leaving imprints him as the memories stayed. In the first universe, he hadn’t met you yet but he felt incredibly comfortable with you as that version of himself had already begun hoping for a long future with you by their side. In the second, he and Steve had been with you for a while and even now he could picture some of that Eddie’s memories as if they were his own. 

Memories of meeting you and being skeptical as his friend insisted on bringing you back home. Taking you out to the field near the high school to practice shooting with you and allowing you to try his sniper rifle which he had conveyed to never let anyone before you do. The immediate fear he felt when you didn’t come back and the anger that followed when he found out someone took you. 

As he reached out to caress your cheek, those protective feelings inside him increased and he wanted nothing more than to keep you safe. 

The current reality came rushing back as his eyes glanced at the discounted jewelry on his fingers. He was lower class and would always be labeled that way. Whatever class you were didn’t matter because even he knew he was at the bottom of the society rung.

After crawling over you out of bed, he quietly covered you back up and headed to the bathroom to get ready for breakfast. 

***

“He’s not eating with you?”, you ask as you take a seat in front of Steve and glance towards Eddie who was nibbling on his lunch by the wall.

“Uh, no, not today and I kind of understand why. If I saw what he did I would want to keep to myself to.”

“Is…are your parents…how they are in the other realities?”

The man pauses for a moment before his eyes flick up to meet yours. 

“Yeah, they are especially my father. I’ve been conditioned to take over his company since birth.”

“Conditioned?”

“Yup. Luckily my dad got a boy on his first try with my mom so…yay me.”, he sasses making you smirk as you exhale at the heaviness behind his words. “What about you? What are your parents like?”

“My parents and I haven’t spoken in a while. I, um, after my sister died…it was like the glue that held us together melted.”

“I’m assuming they’re assholes then?”

“What are we talking about so intensely?”, Eddie asks as he throws his body down next to Steve and continues to eat. 

“Parents.”

“Oh that’s a fun topic.”

“Y/N was about to tell me more about hers.”

They both stare at you with wide, focused eyes as they wait for you to go on and on impulse you cross your arms as your wall begins to go up. 

“Uh, yeah, you can say they are assholes. My father is a judge and my mom is a lawyer. Like you said, my great grandfather has the school named after him because he did a lot within congress. Careers of that degree kind of run in the family so I’m…noted as the failure…”

“You’re not a failure.”, Steve tries to comfort as your eyes become glassy before you hastily blink any tears away. 

“I also don’t believe in my families class system so that’s a point against me.”

“Not really anything you can do about it though, right sweetheart?”, Eddie sighs. “The Harrington’s basically swear by it.”

The other man exhales as his head hangs.

“I was raised to believe that the higher class…were superior…”

“Yeah. To push low level people like me and my uncle aside. Part of the reason our school allowed people like me in was to add to the arrogance of the upper class so they could push us around.”

“I never hurt you, Eddie.”

“Physically, no.” 

At that, Steve’s head jerks towards the boy beside him as anger and shame fills his heart. 

“I’m sorry, Munson.”

As you watch their exchange, you can’t help but feel the pain as well from your seat across from them. This is why you and Kallie hated the class system. From the videos you saw, your great grandfather touted it as a way of motivation and peace. 

“So the higher classes feel safer and the lower classes can aspire for greater.”

All it did was cause pain and no one did anything to counter or abolish it. It was so engrained in society that it was just common at this point but no one in the upper class did anything that made them better people. They continually belittled anyone beneath them and made sure to remind them there was no point in “aspiring for greatness” because this is where they belonged; under them.

Maybe Kallie could have made a difference…

“It’s ok—”

“It’s not. I’d…like to start over…maybe. If we can.” Steve’s hand hovers in the air as Eddie’s beautiful eyes take in the gesture with a glimmer of hope reflected behind them. 

“Alright, Harrington.”, the man smirks as he smacks his palm into his and shakes it making you grin their way.

***

The following morning, Steve woke up in chair inside Eddie’s room with you both asleep in the long-haired boy’s bed and him sitting up against the wall while his palm rested on your bicep as your head slept comforting on his lap. 

You three had spent the evening together getting little tidbits about each other and just getting to know the other more. 

As you spoke, he couldn’t help but study you as your lips moved and your eyes focused as you listened to one of them speak. It was in his nature as an upper-class businessman’s son. He was taught from an early age to read body language and listen to inflections in words which he always found amusing because his father did none of that. 

Bill Harrington did everything with selfish motivation and if someone questioned him or seemed to be disloyal, he attacked whether the person was indeed being nefarious or not. 

In school growing up, Steve was the same but a bit more calculated. He punished people for being weak and quite frankly never even noticed they were always the lower-class student. He should have been more observant and empathetic. He just wanted to belong. 

Lord knows his parents never made him feel wanted. 

Steve couldn’t help but wonder how he would have treated you had you grown up together. He would like to think he would have been kind but the fact that he wasn’t sure broke his heart. Maybe you would have made him want to be a better man. 

He felt that in the last universe he was in; that strong need to be better. The memories that still lingered had him wanting to continue that philosophy. He desperately wanted to make the world better for you and Eddie but the current version of himself was struggling.

He didn’t know how to begin and definitely didn’t want to cross a line. 

Truth of the matter was…he was scared…

***

“What do you think? Three for three?”, Eddie jokes as you guys head towards the pods for you next session. 

“I’m not sure. It does comfort me though…to know you both might be there. I aways get nervous before hand at what we might see.”

“Yeah. We understand the feeling.”, Steve sighs under his breath before giving you both a soft smile as you all separate to go to your areas.

“Alright Miss Y/L/N, here’s your shot…good. And I must insist that when you wake up, please remain in the vessel so we can do our jobs.”

“No promises.”

The nurse narrows her eyes at you as the door slowly slides closed. 

“Dropping down in 3…2…1…”

#########################

“I will not tolerate this insolence anymore!”, the man screams on the other side of the door causing you and Edward’s eyes to lock from your places as you continue to listen in. 

You had known Eddie and Steve since you all were children and it was killing you to hear the latter man’s father scream at him in such a manner. 

Steven did everything he could to appease his parents including taking a woman he deemed boring to a dinner date in an environment he detested. He went with his dad on business ventures overseas to learn more about a company he did not want to inherit, sending you both long winded letters about how drab the whole affair was and how his father belittled him the entire ship ride back home. 

All he wanted to do was spend time with his two best friends like he had always done. 

“You need to get your act together, son. I won’t be here forever to keep you afloat. You can’t make a living running around with the bastard Munson and that whore Y/L/N.”

Your hand reached out to take the boys beside you as he flashed you a small smile and delicately kissed the back of it. 

“Don’t call her that.”, Steven growled. “They are my friends.”

“Pfft. Then explain to me why she’s been seen with every Duke and Lord in the county?!”

“Her father wants her to settle down and marry—”

“She needs to! She’s way past her prime!”

Eddie snickers as you lift your eyebrows as if to silently agree with your friend’s father.

“AND Edward is a respectable gentleman—”

“Whose father ISN’T in the prison for thieving jewelry from castles like ours?”

“That doesn’t make him a bastard.”, Steve whispered under his breath causing his father to stomp forward and hit his son hard in the cheek. 

“It’s too bad you don’t have this kind of fight in you when it comes to a work ethic.”

“Maybe it’s because I’m fighting for something I care about.”, his son spits back before turning and powerwalking out the door running into you both as you lean nonchalantly against the opposite wall. “Oh, that’s inconspicuous.”

You giggle as you run to keep up with him as he continues walking down the hall, your olive-green gown flowing behind you as you do. 

“Are you alright?”

“I’ll survive.”, he replies a bit curtly before pausing at a set of double doors and grabbing your bicep. “Why don’t we skip this affair and spend some time in the library.”

“Steve.”, you smile as you reach up to move some of his loose hair away from his face. “We all got dressed up to come to your father’s idiotic dance. The least we could do is make an appearance.”

“I think she just wants to impress William.”, Eddie teases making you blush as you reach forward and lightly punch his arm making little to no impact against his black suit jacket he looked incredibly handsome in. 

“Look, your father may be a rude but he’s right.”, you shrug. “If I don’t get married soon—”

Steve’s soft palm extended towards you to cup your face as his thumb slid across your lips to silence you. Touches like this were not abnormal and even you had flirted with the idea of taking your friendship further but shame overtook you when you realized you cared about both men. 

You could care less about your parent’s approval or how society would view you. They did that already with the many men who tried to court you but you did care about them. Eddie was already demeaned for being “new money” since his family didn’t come from wealth. Add in the fact that he rarely behaved or dressed in a manner they found suitable but all that mattered to you was his kind demeanor and how he always made you smile. 

Steve was constantly judged by high society because he struggled to follow the “proper etiquette” of someone in his status. He just wanted to live his life the way he wanted and you encouraged that. He was incredibly smart and protective which is something you enjoyed on late nights when he would sneak into your room and you two would lay together talking about the future. 

A relationship with one of them let alone two would bring undo trouble their way and you loved them too much to allow that. 

“Fuck my father, honey. All that matters is that you’re happy.”

Grinning, you loop your arm through his and gesture towards Edward so you can do the same with him. 

“As long as I’m with my two best friends, I’m happy.”

***

“What do you think? Has she finally found the one?”, Eddie asks as he passes his friend the bottle of scotch they stole from one of his father’s many offices. 

“Please…William Hargrove isn’t the kind to settle down but…who knows. She’s an amazing woman.”

“Yeah she is.”

This was one of Steve’s favorite spots in his large family estate, the garden out back. Since he met you two, he would bring you out by the fountain where you would play games and make him laugh. As you three grew, it because a place to gossip and talk about anything that came to mind. You had made a plan to meet here within one hour’s time so the gentleman could be seen before disappearing but you were late which was making your long-haired friend nervous. 

“You don’t think something happened right?”

“I’m not sure but if it’s something good I know she’d kill us for interrupting.” As Steve chuckles, Eddie can’t help but force a smile before letting out a long-winded sigh. “I know…”

“Maybe we should finally tell her how we feel…say something…”

“Say what?”, you asked with a happy sounding high pitched tone appearing in front of them.

“What took you so long? Talking with William?”

“Oh, yes, I was but he is just so intellectually draining.”, you tease, mimicking your voice to sound like Steve’s parents. 

“Your hair is pulled back differently. Some of the strands are loose.”, Eddie notices as he rises to his feet but at the action however you take a step backward. “Where did you get that shawl?”

“Oh, um, I stole it from Lady Bradberry. That’s what she gets for always calling me a harlot.”

As you chuckle, your eyes become glassy as your voice cracks. Both boys take a step forward and once again you back away. 

“Let’s, uh, let’s get out of here. We can go to my estate—”

“Let us see, Y/N.”

This time when Steve extends his hand out you don’t pull away, allowing him to slowly pull down the garment covering your shoulder exposing the slowly forming bruise.

“No, no.”, you scold as you watch their eyes cloud over in anger. “I took care of it, alright? William won’t be a concern anymore. Edward! Steven! No!”, you hiss as you try to pull on their arms to stop them as they begin stomping towards the castle. “No! I won’t let you ruin your reputations over me.”

Abruptly, Eddie turns around and cups your face in his palms as his lips passionately press to yours. You had tasted him before on many a lonely night but this felt different in the best possible way. 

“You don’t seem to understand, my lady. You…mean more to us than any reputation…”

This time you allow them to continue forward, following close behind as they reenter Steve’s home and make a beeline for the study where you had last been. To your surprise, William wasn’t far but to his surprise you weren’t back to reconsider his offer of becoming his mistress. 

Steve’s fist flew before any words were exchanged and your breath caught in your throat as you watched the men you cared for defend your honor. 

“Steven!”, his father shouted as he tried to pull his son off the unlucky man now bleeding on the floor. Friends of the Harringtons and Hargroves ran in to separate everyone but while everyone crowded around the man who had physically hurt you, your best friends backed away to make sure they were front of you, shielding you from everyone. 

“What is wrong with you, you imbecile!”, Mr. Harrington scolded as he pointed his finger towards Steve. “William is set to be married next month to Lady Cunningham. Everyone will be talking about this.”, he gestures towards the man’s bleeding face. 

“That filth put his hands on the woman I love.”

Your hopeful eyes widen at his words and to your relief Eddie doesn’t flitch or hiss at his friend. 

They both care about you to. 

Reaching out, your fingers cling to their formal jackets causing both men to stand up straighter. 

“I’m DONE with all this nonsense! You are no longer allowed to be friends with those two. End it now.”

“No.”

“EXCUSE ME!?”

“He said no.”, Eddie defended. “Y/N and I have known your son since we were children and thankfully he’s nothing you or that scum.”, he growls as he gestures towards William. 

“Get out of my home!”

“With pleasure.”

At Steve’s final words, they both grab your hands and power walk out the double doors into the garden. 

***

Your eyes follow them as they maneuver around the Munson bedroom; Steve roughly hurling off his jacket and Eddie doing the same before gathering some supplies in his lavatory. 

You three had spent many an intimate night here. The first time either of them kissed or touched you was on this floor or in the big comfy bed. You all made a vow that this would never be anything more but never elaborated on why. You knew your reasons but…

“Why didn’t you say anything before? About how you feel?”

Edward smirk salaciously as he kneeled in front of you and placed a cool rag with ice against your now prominent, purple bruise.

“Why didn’t you?”

“Because of this.”, you gesture towards your other friend who was now facing you both with his hands on his hips. “Because I didn’t want to be the reason you both lost everything.”

“Sweetheart…”, Eddie cooed in a soothing tone. “You ARE everything.”

Smiling, you run your fingers through his hair as your lips tenderly kiss his till you feel a dip in the mattress beside you. 

“You’re not a…harlot or a whore…”, Steve conveys, wincing at the negative as if he’s disgusted to even say them. “I remember when we were children, your mother would let me sleep over when my father would scream at me and my own mother. You and Kallie always made me smile.”

As he turns to face you, the other man continues to kiss your neck as he reaches behind your back to unlace your gown. 

“I can’t picture my life with you, Y/N. I’d give up everything, my name, status, and reputation… just to have you here with us.”

Your palm caresses his cheek and in return he tilts down to bring his lips to yours. Soft kisses turn heated as they undress you and then themselves. 

“We can go anywhere we want to.”, Eddie breathes into your ear as you lay on your back between them. “We can take one of the Harrington’s many, MANY ships and run to someplace new.”

They smile when you giggle as their palms roam your soft skin. 

“Maybe we can build our own estate where we can be together and happy.”, Steve added as his hand slid between your legs.

“We can grow our own supplies and I can play my music.” 

As the other man speaks his fingers spread open your pussy lips making you moan as he begins to rub circles against your clit. His friend joins him as he guides two of his own into your dripping hole. 

“Oh…my…”

“I can become a businessman and own a shop in town. Maybe you can come work with me and sell things at the counter with that gorgeous smile. Fuck, I love seeing you smile.”

“Would…would we have any…children?”, you ask as you feel that knot steadily building in your tummy. 

“Of course, sweetheart. We’d have so many we’d have to build more rooms in our home till it’s as big as a Harrington Castle!”

You and Steve chuckle at your friend’s exclamation; yours more of a pant as both their rhythm hastens. 

“I love you both…so much…I-I should have said something—mmm—before but…I was scared.”

“We know, honey. We know.”

“Just like that. Fuck, I’m coming.”

Both sets of lips attached to your throat as your body trembled and you came undone. 

“Listen to you trying not to scream.”, Steve teased. “You can here, beautiful.”

You giggle as the other man flips you on to your side and pulls your back to his chest. While kissing your cheek, he lifts your leg in the air and you both groan as he guides his cock into your entrance. 

“Oh god, Y/N.”

“Fuck, Eddie. So big.”

His mouth falls open as his humid breath warms your face and his large palm cups one of your breasts. When your hand covers his, you realize his knuckles still have remnants of dry blood. 

“Thank you—mmm—for protecting me.”

“Of course. Fuck—fuck that self-righteous son of a bitch.”

“You’re safe with us, honey.”, Steve smiled softly as he leaned forward to capture your lips. 

“Always have been. God, you feel so good. Say my name, sweetheart. T-Tell me again you love me.”

“Ahhhh—I love you, Edward. I’ve loved you since the moment I met you. Please, make me cum.” Locking your eyes with the man in front of you, your body shakes and you scream Eddie’s name repeatedly as you cum. “Please…please… cum inside me.”

The long-haired boy’s rhythm falters for a moment before his fingers grip your cheeks forcing you face him. 

“Are you sure? We’ve never…”

“I’m sure. I want to have a family with you…both of you.”

“Fuck—”, he grunts at your confession as his eyes squeeze shut and he clings to your sweaty form as he pounds his release into your cunt. “H-Hearing you say that…that you really do want a family with a…commoner like me—”

“You’re not a commoner, honey. Your uncle worked so hard to get where he is.”

“I love you.”, he whispers and kisses your lips. 

Grinning, you focus on Steve and circle your arms around his neck as he tugs you under his large frame. 

“Thank you for defending me to.”

You can’t help but giggle as he trails kisses from your forehead, down to your nose, and along your cheek to your neck.

“I’ll always protect you and defend you. No matter what.” Your eyes roll back as he gradually pushes his length into your slightly sore pussy. “Fuck—I love you, Y/N.”

###############

“And there she goes. Why do I even bother?”, the nurse sasses as you promptly climb out of the pod and run to your room.

You were having so much trouble catching your breath having been pulled out in the middle of your intimate moment. You could still feel the intense want and need of having Steve inside you but more than anything your current reality was mixing with that one as you started to sob, feeling heartbroken that you didn’t hear yourself tell this man again that you loved him. 

A rough palm grabbed your bicep and turned you around as lips crashed to your own. 

The second you recognized the taste, you allowed Steve to push your back against the wall as his arms held your waist as close to him as possible. 

He tastes the same as the other universes. How can that be?

Neither of you willing to separate, you listened to him grunt in your ear as he sloppily pulled down your sweats before tugging at his own enough to free his hard, leaking cock from its confinement. 

“Oh f-fuck.”, you mewled as he stretched your tight pussy open and set an aggressive pace as he slammed his hips into yours. 

Your fingers threaded through his soft hair as you bit into his shoulder to stifle the continuous moans that wanted to break free especially when he took hold of one of your thighs to wrap around his waist as he hit your g-spot at a much more precise angle. 

As you opened your eyes, you were met with Eddie’s soft chocolate ones in the doorway and that was enough to allow the coil to snap as you whimpered Steve’s name repeatedly into his ear. At the feeling of your cunt quivering around him, he dropped your leg and quickly pulled out, pumping his cock in his fist till you felt his spend hit your thigh. 

“I-I love you.” At your words, Steve tilted back to look at your face. “I said it to Eddie again. Y-You said it to me but I didn’t get to say it back. I didn’t get to say it back. I did the same with Kallie. I didn’t say it back and then she died.”

Your arms clung to him tighter as he slid with you to the cold tile floor. A blanket was wrapped around your lower half before you felt another set of strong arms circle around you. 

“Sweetheart, just like that Steve in the other universe, I’m sure your sister knew you loved her.”, Eddie whispered as he rested his chin on your shoulder. 

“You don’t know me. You don’t know what I’ve done.”, you murmur back. 

“In every universe my father hates me including this one. He wants me to be someone I’m not. Feeling that in every universe so far… it’s heartbreaking but I know I’m ok because of you two.”, Steve sighs and when you pull back he quickly wipes the tear that escaped down his cheek. 

“In all of mine my mom is dead and my dad abandons me leaving me with my uncle. I…I feel them all…all the memories those other versions of me have with my mother being a loving woman and my father being an abusive piece of shit. I feel what I feel for you and Steve; my best friend and the woman I care for. I get overcome with this strong need to protect you.”, Eddie follows as his voice shakes.

“That has to mean something. If whatever you did in those universes didn’t affect us there…”

“Then it won’t affect us here.”, the metalhead finished. 

Shaking your head, you push yourself away from them and pull up your sweats as you head for the door. 

“You’re safe with us, Y/N.”, Steve called giving you pause. “That’s been the same in every universe to…including this one.”

@baileebear @jasminelafleur @twirls827 @dashingdeb16 @myherometalhead @starboygf @alba8688 @crybabyddl @fireeyes-on-teller-dixon-grimes @utterlyinsanity @hardladyheart @yesimabratandwhataboutot @chelebelletx @season4steve @fic-lover-29 @micheledawn1975

###############

[lullaebies]

Request: Aegon really trying to get along or at least be in good terms with Jaehaera but she's still grieving for Jaehaerys and her mother too much (and the years don't seem to ease the pain) that she can't fully accept him yet

a/n: ok so this ended up a bit longer that i expected! i was trying hard to think how to go about this. hopefully this will read well <3 tomorrow i will continue with the rest of the reqs sent!

He sits quietly by his wife during the feast, their lips both red with the dark of wine.

It is a celebratory night, The Feast of The Father Above demanding grandness, lest the septons decide it a fair night to accuse the Crown of not being pious enough. It mattered little to Aegon, but it mattered to his subjects; meaning he had little ways to object.

The septons say this holy day to commemorate the Father is a day of just rulings, a day of auspicious decisions. Perhaps if he had been more pious he would’ve trusted his judgement auspicious enough to shut their mouth with some coin and tell them to celebrate down their streets instead of his halls, but alas. 

He looks at Jaehaera. As of two days prior, she is six and ten. The spring of youth, if one is to go by how the singers describe maidens of similar ages. Girls that age absorb the sun and hold its beam in their smiles, warming the room around them in cheer and dance. 

You wouldn’t be able to tell so, with his wife. She looks a painted doll, with an even line to her red lips that refuses to bend. Jaehaera doesn’t celebrate her nameday; when it comes, she usually refuses to leave her rooms for days after. Her ladies-in-waiting had once tried to prepare her a surprise, and in return, she had raged.

The court never quite understood her. He still remembers Myrielle Peake weeping at Jaehaera banishing her from her rooms. Her father never quieted about it since, he thinks grumpily. But when he was told of this great injustice the Queen has inflicted on her well-meaning ladies, he had to hold himself from laughing at the complainers in their face.

As if she would like to celebrate the day she remembered her own twin is lost to the afterlife, while she is lost here. 

He dismissed the complaints with some platitudes. He had felt similar enough when his regents assumed him to be ever thankful for them sitting him on the Throne, as if the death of his mother and older brothers hadn’t been the sole reason a crown is on his head. Let us celebrate your coronation and our hard work, your Grace, the dimwits had said. It is a joyful occasion. 

They wouldn’t know how to make him joyful if they tried, and his wife even more so. 

Yet still, there is a pang in him, seeing her so muted. There are rare days, where they align in their routes, and her words are reminiscent of his. Where they walk down the same route silently and it feels more natural than the forced conversations he is met with from anybody else. She always scurries away after, avoids him after, but...

She is his wife, and as much as they were sewn together, they are of similar enough cloth. Smiling like the sun is not something he’d expect of her, but he doesn’t wish she’d never at least feel its rays. 

He may have drank too much today. Her wintry form had been much on his mind. He supposes he finds ways to be melancholic no matter what, but he looks at her and sees himself, from a long while back; from before Viserys came back, before he could hold onto his sisters again to cry.

The dance floor had been filled with duos dancing to string instruments gracefully. It is not something he does often, but had seen her dancing before. As a child, granted, before it all, but she had seemed happy to do so before. And who would ask her to dance again, but her husband?

“Jaehaera,” he mumbles her name before he can regret it. She turns to him, heavy brows lifting in wonder. “Should we dance too?”

It should help, in more ways than one. Seeing them being amiable would calm the many lords here, he thinks. Or spring some hope to their souls, or more importantly, some respect for Jaehaera’s being. Wouldn’t that help, having the world know she is no jilted girl? It would do her good. It would do them good. 

He never wanted a divide between them to haunt them. They have enough things haunting them. Is this a good decision? He knows not, but The Father may as well sanction it auspicious, after all the hard work put into this damn feast.

Jaehaera’s tentative fingers fiddle with her wine cup. She puts it down softly. “If his Grace should like that,” she answers, building her wall from him again as her eyes shy away from direct eye contact. The rings on her fingers drag across the marble table, clinging to the cold of stone as they approach him. 

Aegon notes her offering. He doesn’t quite like that it's simply complacency, but then again, he had been simply complacent when everyone else goaded him to do anything, even if he did find enjoyment in it in the end. And if she doesn’t find enjoyment in it, at least she would have a spring in her step for the singers to sing about, and mayhaps that will soothe her.

He reaches for her offered hand, picking it up gently from the fingers. The table, her rings, they’re cold, but her bony fingers are warm. It is almost surprising, with how distant she seems at the moment. They rise from their chairs to the surprise of the people around their table. Viserys looks at him crookedly, but he pays it no mind - Jaehaera seems to go along with him well.

His thumbs fiddle with her knuckles nervously as he attempts a squeeze of reassurance. He truly doesn’t dance often; Baela sometimes forces him and he looks a fool, Rhaena sometimes does so too and becomes his harsh, smiling critic. He shouldn’t be able to reassure his wife in regards to dancing, he has little talent in his lanky limbs, but he has to try, he thinks.

A spot is cleared for them in the center of the floor. She thanks the lord and ladies who move in a mannerly way while he simply nods. The musicians switch a song, and he vaguely remembers the form for it, reaching for Jaehaera’s waist. After confirming from those nearby he remembered correctly, of course. 

As for Jaehaera, the form they should be in dawns on her quickly, and her fingers curl over the peak of his shoulder easily. She looks at their feet when the song begins. He does too, to see his are well placed. He wants to brighten this night some, but he doesn’t want to look like an oaf doing so.

Despite that, however, he can’t imagine he doesn’t look like one. He is unsurprisingly rusty, and the length of his limbs lend to a taut gait and especially dance. Jaehaera is surprisingly fluid in her movements, on the other hand. He nearly steps on her foot once, but she evades it simply. “Sorry,” he whispers. 

When he hears a soft snort coming for her, he almost thinks it had been for the better.

She is not without faults — she does step on his foot. He huffs at her in some vindication he is not the only one with two left feet. She finally lifts her eyes to him, supposedly to apologize too, but then the dance calls for her twirl. She holds his elevated hand throughout it. He does notice a hint of a crinkle to her eyes, and he even meets it with his own one.

When he stops her, hand finding her waist again to hold her in a secure manner, he thinks he shook off that rustiness. But then Jaehaera’s eyes land on him in a strange gaze, and her limbs suddenly feel tense.

Jaehaera swallows, and looks down again, her grip on his shoulder digging into his bone. “I think…” she stops them from moving. “I feel ill,” she says abruptly. “I think I should retire for this night, Your Grace.”

He blinks at her. He is not convinced; her face only gained some warmth to it as they danced. Still, he draws her away from the dance floor to its side, knowing here too, there is little to object to. She feels all too rigid in his hold, and something had her gaze become cloudy.

Most of the room seemed to cheer at them joining the dance floor, so that couldn’t be it. The taste on his tongue is sour, feeling somewhat jilted himself. Perhaps because he himself hadn’t hated the dance all that much. He offered this for her and still… Fine.

“Then go rest,” he allows, trying to keep the bitterness behind lock and key. She says her farewell to some key courtiers and leaves, quickly disappearing to the dark, gloomy parts of the castle. 

For a while, he returns to his spot at the table. When they strike a conversation, they ask of the Queen; some of them deem her rude for her abrupt departure. He finds their voices offensive, for he would rather like to retire to his apartments himself at the moment.

“‘Tis a holy day, for us all. Ill or not, even a Queen must be respectful—” Lord Peake grumbles by his ear, and he wonders why he hadn’t let him go ages ago.

Irritated, he decides that it wasn’t quite fair for her to leave him this way. Especially with everyone around looking at him like this in pitiful wonder. And with these halfwits, surrounding him around the table and offering their daughters as dance partners instead.

“Pay my respects to The Father and preside over the rest of the feast, Lord Peake,” he says, and comes up again from his place. “I should see how the Queen fares.”

He gets up and walks in long strides out to the dark, gloomy hallways himself.

—

As he approaches Jaehaera’s apartments, he finds himself hesitating to actually come in. 

His wife hasn’t asked for any kindness, even if he had attempted to offer it. He does think the wine had made him rather rash if not overtly sentimental; he wouldn’t have asked her to dance in the first place without it, and he certainly wouldn't have come by her door.

The Father Above might be laughing at him from the dark skies. Auspicious decisions, my arse. 

And he is about to turn on his heel, when he hears a sob from the inside of her room. 

He reaches for the knob of the door and twists it open. 

Jaehaera is by the window, too close to the damn window, the dying light of the fireplace showing bloodshot eyes and tears trailing down her rounded cheeks. She is frantic in her movements until she stops in place when she sees him, holding a quivering lip from saying a thing. 

“Why are you…?” he tries to ask, but some anxiety spikes in him and he can’t find a way to articulate himself. 

“Your Grace, please leave,” she manages out of her system. That lights a visceral feeling of rage within him. 

“You will not order me to leave,” he says plainly. Your Grace, your Grace, she tells him the entire day, but she won’t force that distance upon him when he plainly sees there is something foul at play. “I don’t know what I have done, but I did not mean harm to you and you know this.”

“I know,” she answers, the glisten on her lash line more noticeable. She’s shaking like a leaf; what has rattled her so? “But you more than all know that matters little.”

Fuck. He had been irritated, but now he is properly upset. All had been well, what has he done wrong? 

“If you tell me what it is I can fix it,” he says. It is the wrong choice; she turns to look at him with a sharper gaze, even with her tears. 

“I used to dance to that song with Jaehaerys,” she says, and Aegon already understands he has lost here. Of course, the times he remembered her dance as a child, it had been with her brother. “Mother taught us the steps. It was her favourite. Jaehaerys was determined to learn it well, even though I always had to escape his clumsy steps. He wanted to show mother he listened to her.” 

She wipes her cheeks with her hands, holding herself. 

“We never had the chance to complete the dance without missteps.”

Aegon shuts his eyes. “If I had known I wouldn’t have…” he begins. What is the point in saying what she knows already? “I’m sorry. I thought it would make you happy.”

He foolishly assumed he would know any better than anyone else in the Keep how to do so. They are adjacent to one another in pain when the court already assumes it knows everything about them. And he thinks, there had always been some truce between them, in regards to that — perhaps that had all been in his head, too.

That dance felt like a moment of peace to him. He wanted it to be a moment of peace for her, too, for them all. He is so tired of fighting and guarding his own self; he simply wants to relent to the calm that he feels could exist between them.

Jaehaera’s hand reaches for the seven-starred necklace upon her, swallowing. “It had, for a moment,” she sniffles, shame in her voice. “It made me happy. But my brother can’t be, and my mother can’t see it, and I…”

That he does know, the guilt of being alive. The guilt of continuing on despite having the world shattered, despite witnessing so much death. And Viserys returned from the dead, and when he confessed it all, his brother had told him simply one thing.

“You’re not at fault for that.”

And if Jaehaera has resentment on her tongue, any hatred she wants to spit out about those who were at fault — she doesn’t say it. Simply looks at him with guarded eyes, keeping her distance. 

He can’t ask her to close it, just for the sake of his own peace. He wouldn’t ask her to, either. The ghosts that plague her on her namedays, day to day, they are there, he knows what they whisper — plenty had whispered to him day to day.

“You need not to dance, but you need not hide what plagues you, and what would make you at ease,” he says. “Her Grace the Queen has her voice in court, and if she’d like it, the King’s ear.”

Jaehaera looks at the floor, as she does, and let all the tears that had been unshed out. She needn’t close the distance, but she does need to know she can, if she’d like. He lets her sob until she tires herself out, helping her to the bed and tucks her in. 

Even if winter plagues them, forever piercing cold, as long as her skin is warm on this earth, she should have her own dream of spring. 

If one day she should choose it, he’d be willing to help her find it.

[wingedjellyfishflight]

Fake It 'til You Make It

Your face turns beet red the first time you hear Soap make a familiar over-the-top moan. He finds it hilarious how obviously you were faking it last night with your one night stand. When you see Ghost roll his eyes up like he's cumming and moan, you realize that everyone heard you.

"I'm sorry, ok? I didn't realize how loud I was."

"Lord above, if that moan was real, then I'm a girl scout. That was the fakest sex I've ever heard."

You wince, but shoot back, "Well, it was worse than usual. Not like I should have expected different anyway. Haven't found a guy yet who cares enough to finish the job." The last comes out under your breath, and you storm away, feeling emotional suddenly.

The men exchange looks as if to say, "well, fuck." Holding their hands up, they duel for it and Ghost wins. He is surprised when both he and Soap stand up to catch up to you.

"Ya won, mate. I'll chase 'er down."

"I thought we were seein' who got ta go after 'er."

"Oh. By all means. Ain't a conversation I'm keen on."

Ghost hurries to the door of your quarters, knocking lightly. "Luv?"

You answer, hastily scrubbing tears off your face. "What do you want, Ghost? Come here to tease me some more?"

He shakes his head and, in his straightforward fashion, responds, "No, Luv. Come to see if you'll show me what you look like cummin' on my cock, tongue, fingers, whatever." His blunt words stun you silent, but the gush of wetness you feel in your panties has the decision made in moments. Mutely, you nod and step aside for him to enter. His huge body presses against yours, making you back up more and he slams and locks the door. "Good girl. Let's get you a little more comfortable." The smirk under his mask is unmistakable and has you pressing against him excitedly.

It's nearly an hour later when Captain Price comes storming down the hall into the rec room. "What are you doing watching porn in here?!" 

"Not porn, sir. Just the telly."

"Then what the hell is that noise?"

"Ghost has reached his mission objective, sounds like." Just then, he hears "Simon" screamed among the sounds filtering through the walls.

"What was his objective, Sergeant?"

"You don't want to know, Captain. But I recommend granting off-base housing asap if you want any sleep."

[fantasyandshit]

Little bird

Type: one shot

Pairing: Rhysand x fem!reader

Based off of this request

Masterlist here

Angstttt- torture, kidnapping, death, no comfort.

“I’ll go.”

“No you won’t.” The high lord- and my mate quickly protests. We need someone to go to the Autumn court, with Cassian, Mor obviously wasn’t going to be forced to do this, Azriel was out on another mission, Amren wasn’t going for- again, obvious reasons; and Rhysand was drowning in work. It only made sense for me to go with Cassian, which is what I tried to argue to my husband.

“Rhys. Baby it’s three days, I can handle myself- plus, Cassian will be there too.” I’m stern as I stare at the male.

“Fine.” He sighs, “but- I want updtates every night and if I suspect anything weird from the bond- I’m coming down right away. Understood?”

“Yes love. I’ll go get packed and me and Cass will leave in the hour.” I give Rhysand a soft kiss, my hand going to rest on his cheek as I whisper, “I will be perfectly fine, nothing will go wrong. Promise.”

Rhysand nods softly as I pull away, “goodbye Darling. I love you, be safe ok.”

“Always love. I love you.”

———

“Yn! Yn! Wake up! Please wake up Yn!” I groan in protest to the hands shaking my tired body.

“Wha- Cass? What’s going on?” My head is pulsing and I can feel my skin scraping on concrete.

“We were ambushed as we arrived across the borders. I woke up about two hours ago- I think? We’re in a dungeon somewhere- in Autumn presumably.”

I nod slowly, trying to sit up from where my head rests on my friends thighs. I groan, my head is killing me. I lean against the wall with Cassian, trying to gather my thoughts as best as possible. Looking around- I find Cassian is right, concrete walls surround us, other than the bars leading out into a hallway. A fae light on the outside seems to be our only source of light, and I can hear water trickling further down.

As I try to reach out to my mate, I find our bond blocked- shit. Fae bane.

Me and Cassian sit in the cell side by side for what feels like an eternity, just silently wondering how this could happen. Wondering if Eris somehow planned this or if he was none the wiser.

“Ooh, looks like our little bird is finally awake.” I look up at the voice, jolting as a snap sounds and then my body is hanging, feet chained to the ground and arms to the sealing, hanging in a sort of star shape. Cassian faces me, his arms shackled to a wall above him.

I glad at the man as he steps forward, his hand grabs my chin and I take the opportunity, turning my head and biting down. Hard. He grunts, pulling away, blood leaking from his wound and my mouth as I smirk, showing off bloody teeth. Cassian sits with a mixture of shock and proud as I spit out the crimson liquid. That look switches to horror as I’m back handed, my head swiveling as I spit a tooth out. My chin is yet again grabbed in a rough hold. “Now you listen here bitch. You’re gonna learn to listen and behave. Do you understand?” I don’t respond, simply glaring silently as he throws my head back, walking to a cart I didn’t realize was there. He walks back with a leather strap of sorts- at first I assume it’s a whip, only to realize how wrong I am when it’s strapped across my head and a ball is shoved in my mouth. He gagged me.

He fucking gagged me.

That little bitch.

———

Rhysand started freaking out as the hours ticked on with no update from you. You promised. You promised to update him every night and so far the bond was cold. Too cold for his liking. “Calm down cousin. Shes probably just warn out from the travel. She’ll get to you tomorrow.”

Rhysand shakes his head, unable to understand how his cousin is so calm. She just doesn’t understand.

Finally after much back and forth, Morrigan gets Rhysand to calm down. He could wait till tomorrow to start worrying.

———

Another guttural scream leaves me as a fae bane tipped blade is plunged into my thigh. I had tried staying silent, but after so long of trying, I couldn’t anymore. I was so tired. In the distance, beyond the ringing, I can hear Cassian begging for the man to stop, to hurt him instead, but he is simply ignored.

As said man leaves yet again, I’m dropped from my chains and cassians disappear as well. My friend crawls to me, cooing softly as he cradles my head in his hands softly. “Oh dear. I’m so so sorry Yn. Rhys will come soon. Cauldron I’m sorry. You’re so strong, so brave.”

A small smile graces my lips. “It’s ok. You stay strong. I can handle this. But what I can’t handle? Is seeing you hurt. So just stay strong ok. We’ll get through this.” I’m exhausted, my eyes fluttering shut.

———

My eyes shoot open as the chains reappear around me. But I notice. This is different, there’s a cool metal under me, my body is strapped in a star but I’m strapped down to a table. This is also when I notice- no gag. For some reason this scared me more than the gag and hanging chains, because I don’t know what to expect here. The man walks in, this time, as I look over. I notice he’s carrying a bucket and a rag. Shit. I know what this is. I squirm as he moves forward, my fit bringing him joy as he chuckles, setting the bucket down beside the table as he moves towards me.

“This is gonna be fun.” He smiles darkly as he puts the rag over my face, bending down to get the water. No. No please no. Gods please no.

I hold my breath as he poors the water over me, I hold it as long as possible, but eventually- I have to suck in a deep breath. Gasping and spluttering as the rag gets sucked in, feeling like I’m drowning. I can hear Cassians chains rattling as this continues.

Another snap.

I’m back in the hanging chains.

I wince as I hear the flicker of fire. Fuck. Water now fire. I can’t do this anymore. Ive been holding on for Rhys but at this point im convinced no one is coming, and im exhausted. The man’s words wring through my head as the flame is brought to the bottoms of my feet.

‘They aren’t coming.’

‘No body cares about you.’

‘If they were truly worried, if they truly loved you. They be here.’

And I started to believe him. At first I didn’t, but slowly, I started to believe him, his words clawing into my brain and nestling there. No one was coming for me. No one cared.

———

The next time I’m let from my chains, I land in a puddle of my own bodily fluids, blood, tears, piss, and puke. Fuck. Everything hurt. My mind flashes to the electric rods, the burning that filled me with the electricity. The convulsions caused a minor seizure from what I understood. This- was the cause for the piss I now laid in. My mind moves to the flashes of the whip, beating down on my back, tearing through skin and tissue and muscle. The pain was so severe after fifty three that I pulled my brains out- for the sixth time since we were captured. Next, my mind flashes to the crow bar. I can practically feel my ribs cracking again, I splutter as I cough up more blood. A result of my punctured lung from said crowbar. The same reason for my leg bone sticking out of my skin disgustingly.

But by far. The worst thing. It wasn’t the physical torture no. It was hearing Cassian beg. Beg for them to beat him, to just leave me alone as I’m beaten and bruised. It was the thoughts that now swam around my mind like a whirlpool, telling me that no one loved me. That no one missed me. That Rhysand. My mate. Would be here if he truly cared.

My mate.

He didn��t care.

He probably wanted me gone.

That’s why he agreed to let me go.

“Hey. Hey. Come back to me. Look at me sweetheart.” My eyes flutter open, meeting Cassians as he pets my hair. “Shh. It’s ok. Your ok.” I cough up more blood as I struggle to breathe.

“Cass…I’m-fuck- why has no one come for us? Do they not care.” I gulp a ragged breath of air

“Hey. No hey. Don’t let his words get in your head. They care. They are trying to find us. In fact, they are probably charging here now. Ok.”

I nod, still not fully believing him as my eyes flutter shut again and I float into darkness.

———

“Fuck!” Rhysand throws the table across the room. Three days. Three fucking days! He was close to finding you but not quite able to yet and it was not only pissing him off, but blinding him with rage and agony.

“Rhysand.”

“Fuck! Eris I will fucking kill you! What the fuck do you want! How did you get here!” The son of Autumn is pinned by the neck against the wall.

“Well. Your wards are quite weak. Also- I know where your precious mate is.”

“Where?” He growls, calling for Azriel in his mind. Once the shadowsinger arrives, they are winnowed to Autumn, the dungeons under the castle to be exact.

“All I can tell you is a few of my father’s men took them. They will be down here. We better hurry.”

The three tear through the halls. Till finally, they reach the cell they are looking for.

———

“-Fear bo evil. Feel no pain.” Cassian finished the prayer to the mother, sending you off to a peaceful land of eternal sleep. Pushing your hair back and kissing your head softly. Silent tears cascading down his face as he cradles your broken body.

“Cass?” Rhysand drops to his feet beside his friend.

“I’m so sorry brother. She was so strong, so brave. But- I. I couldn’t save her.” The brothers eyes meet, nothing but pain rushing through them as Cassian hands his brother his mates body.

“Fuck baby. I’m so sorry. I’m so sorry I wasn’t here sooner. Forgive me love. Please forgive me.” Rhysand cries and begs, begging for you to come back, to not leave him. Begging for your forgiveness and chanting about how sorry he is.

“Rhysand. I truly am sorry but we have to go. Now.” Even Eris’ eyes prickle with tears and his voice betrays him as he speaks, cracking a bit in the middle of his sentence.

The high lord of night nods, picking you up and moving to the door. The four make it to the house of wind. Rhysand setting your body in the dining room table. Bending over your body, weeping into your cold shoulder. As Mor makes it into the room, she gasps, her hand flying to her mouth as lets out a cry. Falling to her ‘sisters’ side.

That night. The sky was a little bit dimmer- all except the bright shooting star that flew past the house of wind, lighting up the dull night. Rhysand knew. He knew that was you, showing him you’d always be there, always be with him.

—————

Okkkk I hope this was ok? I was really struggling but I hope it’s up to standard? Thank you sm for the request and I promise I am slowly but surely making my way through the lists.

[thewickedspinster]

Cassian x reader. We all know dancing isn’t cassian’s forte, however maybe he learns and catches reader off guard with some of his new skills (even) if he isn’t perfect.

The Idiot

a/n: crying at this btw. literally a dream i had once.

warnings/content: keir's sexism, platonic az x reader, fem! reader, language probably, cassian's dancing bc OOF, masquerade trope bc it's FUN ok

The Idiot

If she had to deal with one more obnoxious male approaching and asking for her hand, Y/N was going to lose it.

The Court of Nightmares had never been her favorite place. As the younger daughter of Keir, lord of the infernal realm, she had known it all too well for most of her life. By now, the heady drumbeats, slinking fae, and ears in the stone walls made her shudder.

Luckily, she spent plenty of time above the surface. Though she had stayed in the court under the mountain for several decades longer than her sister, Y/N had finally escaped her father's slimy grip and joined her cousin above ground. As a member of the Inner Circle, she had breathed fresh air the first. She had learned to live, and she had learned to fight differently than ever before. Now, as Rhysand's chief diplomat, she had a place that was more than just her sex. A family more than the one she'd been born into.

Yet, each Solstice, these visits to her father's domain were obligatory. A show of good faith, if you will. And yet each year, Keir put on a show that made Y/N's skin crawl. It was the dark side of the dreamer's world that Rhysand had created. It was a dark side that was necessary to maintain the peace, no matter how much Y/N wished it destroyed.

Tonight's party was no different. Rhysand and Feyre lounged on their thrones, heads leaned together as they surveyed their dominion. In all honesty, it wasn't much to behold. Drunk fae crowded together on the ballroom floor, courtly dances forgotten for the preferred grinding and undulating of the underground folk. This wouldn't be so bad, honestly, had Y/N not experienced being a young female here. But those memories of being treated like chattel were impossible to forget.

Her only saving grace was the mask perched upon her face. Though it was clear who she was, to the untrained eye, she was just another noble female of the abundant court. While it attracted more males to her side, she had an easier time turning them down. And an easier time avoiding her father, who lurked in the shadows somewhere beyond the High Lord and Lady's thrones. Which was for the best, because he would surely comment on her presentation in night court black, with mother of pearl weighing down her skirts and the mask on her nose. The creamy white was even scattered through her hair, marking her as someone important, but someone forgettable. That was how she'd prefer to stay.

She felt a gentle nudge, barely there, against her shoulder. Without turning, she knew who was there.

"Anything interesting happening behind the scenes?" She asked, still facing the dance floor.

"Nothing you'd want to know about," came Azriel's low reply, laced with a chuckle. "Plenty of sex. And plenty of fear."

"Can practically smell it."

"It reeks," he agreed. "Rhys does that."

She snorted. "It's because they don't trust in Keir to lead them that they fear Rhysand."

"Don't let anyone else hear you say that. They'll mutiny." Y/N was always able to bring out the smirk in Azriel. They got on well that way, and worked even more closely together than Az did with Cassian. Together, the three of them were an unstoppable team.

Observing the rolling mass of bodies, inhaling the stench of faerie wine and sweat, Y/N sighed. "Just wish it were less hedonistic down here. Not that our lives are particularly savory, but just..."

"It feels too heavy and forced down here," Azriel said gently, stepping up to her side and slipping his arm through hers. "Like they're made to do it. Like they relish in the pain that Keir brings them."

She drew him close. "They probably know no different," she murmured.

A moment of silence passed as they watched the crowd, as they observed their friends across the cavernous space. Then, Azriel said, "I'd ask you to dance, but I just don't think this is your style."

She barked a laugh. "Not quite, no."

Though not as talented as Nesta Archeron, Y/N had been trained as a young female to dance in the classic ballroom style, to a formal orchestra and before a crowd housing endless royalty. She'd been made to dance more than once before Rhysand's father, who had relished in forcing Keir's daughters to perform for him. It did not bring back good memories, but she had enjoyed the movement. She found moments of rhythm and dance even now, in her training above ground. She had never forgotten the feel of the music sliding against her bones, and she hoped she never would.

The minutes ticked by. In rotation, the Inner Circle floated past Y/N, checking in. Azriel departed, and Mor soon after approached, cup of mead in hand for her sister. Y/N took it gratefully, and the two damned princesses stood, shoulder to shoulder, observing the dark splendor. Finally, finally, the evening was drawing to a close, It had been hours, and Rhysand had finally shifted in his seat, signaling he would soon stand to leave. But just before he could, the floor cleared.

Still at her post opposite the thrones, Y/N glanced around, gauging the crowd. They had withdrawn bowed, as if they'd been ordered, but they chattered nervously. Clearly, something was meant to happen. Whether Rhys and Feyre knew or not, Y/N couldn't judge from their expressions.

From the crowd, he stepped. Crimson siphons gleaming, scaled armor traded in for soft formal leathers, hair soft and eye gleaming, General Cassian of the Night Court armies stepped forth, hand held aloft.

His eyes met none but hers.

Y/N stared back at him, a breathless laugh escaping her lungs. "Cass?"

"Don't make me look an idiot, Y/N," he said, a smile hiding the nerves that shone through his hazel eyes. "Come dance with me."

"But -"

"No buts," he said. "Just c'mere."

Y/N couldn't believe what she was seeing. Cassian had been missing in action all night, and now he was asking her to dance? Before the entire court? She had never seen him dance, and she'd probably laugh if she had. He was famous for his two left feet, and his fumbling compliments. She would know better than anyone else; as his best friend, his confidant, his partner in politics, she knew him better than most. And she'd thought she'd known him better than to ever expect him to ask her to dance.

Yet, as her closest friend, the one that understood her to her core, Cassian knew she would never say no to him.

As he stood before her, crooked grin on his face, hand outstretched, he watched her flounder only a moment before she straightened and laid her hand gracefully in his. Her grin matched his own.

"Better not trip me, Pigeon."

Cassian didn't have the chance to respond as the orchestra struck up the song he'd chosen for this moment. The prelude began, and ever proper, Y/N withdrew to drop into a low curtsy, her black skirts spread over the marble floor. Cassian bowed low at the waist, though his eyes never left hers. Hidden there, in their depths, was laughter.

The first movement began, and Cassian took Y/N by the waist and swept her into the dance. A waltz-like thing, it sent them spinning and gliding across the entirety of the floor, which had been cleared entirely. The whole court was watching them, and yet Y/N could only see him.

"I always thought it was strange how people talked when they danced," said Cassian lowly, "but now I think I get it."

"No one can hear us out here," she agreed. "Perfect for sharing secrets. Like where you learned to do this?"

He sent her spinning, and her trained feet knew the steps well. After a moment, she came back to him. He stumbled, but only just. "Well, Mor told me how you'd learned, and I know how much you hate it here." He shrugged. "I figured I'd try to make this Solstice visit memorable for you. In a good way."

She smiled up at him, eyes crinkling. "I mean where you learned to dance. Don't think all that training adds up to this."

At this, he turned pink. "I asked your sister to teach me."

A laugh bubbled up, unstoppable. "How long did that take?"

"Only about three months."

"Cassian!!" She cried in disbelief.

"Listen," he chuckled, giving her another spin. By this point in their talking, he'd already stepped on her feet more than once, but she could not bring herself to mind in the least. "I wanted to learn! And maybe I'm terrible at dancing, but I did learn this little number."

"I'm proud of you," Y/N complimented, leading him through the next few steps with a gentle hand. She turned serious "And thank you, Cass. Really. You -" She paused, swallowed. "You don't know what it means."

The orchestra (conveniently) slowed, flowing into the second movement of the piece, and they followed suit. They moved with the gentle fluidity of a mountain stream, and Cassian pressed his forehead to hers.

"I want to," he whispered, just for her. "I want to know everything that goes on in that pretty head. I want to know you, Y/N."

Y/N took pause. She and Cassian had been the best of friends for centuries. They had been constant companions during Rhys's fifty years Under the Mountain. And despite it all, she had hoped against hope that perhaps someday, his feelings would blaze to life like hers had. That he could see her as she saw him - everything.

"You can't just say those things," she breathed with a nervous chuckle.

"Don't tell me what I can't say, Y/N," Cassian said, will everstrong. "You know exactly what I mean."

"How could you possibly think I know what you mean?" She countered, put off by his tone. "If I've ever -"

"Elain told me," he interrupted. "How you feel about me."

Y/N gasped, her chest closing in on itself in panic. Elain was a close friend, one who was usually a vault when it came to secrets.

"She didn't mean to," Cassian amended quickly. "Azriel got her too drunk at Rita's one night, and she started talking." He shook his head, cursing. "I shouldn't have fucking said a thing. Look, if I've got this wrong -"

"No!" She blurted, before thinking. She recovered, but barely, as the dance picked up once more. "No, she's right. I'm just surprised she said anything, is all."

"... She's right?"

With as much confidence as she could muster, heart pounding, chest aching, Y/N straightened in his grip and said, "Yes, she is. As much as this could fuck up everything, I have loved you since you saved my sister. Maybe even before. And I was so lucky to have you as my friend that I couldn't bear to say a word for fear of losing you."

A slow, hesitant smile on his rugged, handsome face. "You love me?"

He tripped, his foot catching on her dress, and stumbled. He was laughing before he could right himself, and they both gave up the steps of the dancing, holding each other before the entire Court of Nightmares.

"Yeah, idiot, I do," she confirmed.

"I love you," he breathed, palm rising to cradle her cheek. "Have for not as long as you, but long enough for it to hurt."

"And long enough for you to learn to waltz."

His laugh echoed around the chamber, booming even over the music. The orchestra continued on, playing into the conclusion of the piece. Their time on the floor had felt like an eternity wrapped in a heartbeat, where truth suspended time like water.

"Long enough for me to learn to waltz," he repeated. His mask had been abandoned long ago, forsaken for the sweat it gathered. With brazen sureness, he lifted Y/N's mask, setting it atop her immaculately decorated head, and murmured, "I'm gonna kiss you now, Y/N/N. Don't make me look an idiot."

"You've never been an idiot, Cass, and I certainly won't make you one now."

And when his mouth met hers, it was chapped and raw and warm and strong. Everything she had always loved about him, she tasted on his lips, his tongue. Everything she had wanted to be protected by, she felt in the strength of his hand around her waist. Everything she had wanted to keep safe, she heard in the soft sound that fled his throat. In the gentle murmur of her name repeated back to her against her flesh.

Cassian couldn't dance for shit, but he was no idiot. He knew love when he held it in his two hands. He knew to cherish it close.

[bizarrelittlemew]

okay. i just watched the movie Snakeskin (2001). i bought a physical dvd in the year of our lord 2024 because Taika has 6.5 minutes of screentime in it. and now i'm sitting here trying to process wtf i just watched asjdhfdjsk so here are the highlights (thank you Meow @blakbonnet for going through this experience with me)

first of all, enjoy these screenshots from the trailer (i'm still not sure if they're mandatory disclaimers?):

...but say yes to snake imagery, because there will be a lot of it

we are definitely in 2001. this is extremely apparent throughout the whole movie. but especially from this girl's hair

Taika's character (Nelson) and his girlfriend (Daisy, pictured above) drive around in a repurposed ice cream truck and sell drugs btw. it's called Mr. Trippy.

main character Alice (Melanie Lynskey) is a huge fan of ✨America✨. her best friend is in love with her but she only wants Bad Boys. also said friend's name is Johnny but it's actually Craig

ALSO Craig-slash-Johnny is played by Dean O'Gorman (Fili)??!?!?!?

their hobby is to drive around picking up hitchhikers but only those who look not boring

enter The American. this guy is the most American you have ever seen. americans wish they could be as American as this guy. no one else has ever Americaned harder.

as you can see, i'm not lying. he even says "howdy ma'am" so we're convinced he is a real American

three skinheads are after The American because he stole their drugs (i think). he also stole drugs from Nelson and Daisy, who now owe money and/or drugs to their boss, who also has beef with The American for reasons i'm still not totally sure of

The American not only steals drugs and money, he also has a real gun(!!!) and fucks pretty much everyone?

"darlin'. u gotta earn the raaaiht. ter wear snakeskins 😎"

oh my god the sunglasses emoji just reminded me of the fucking sunglasses oh no i'm not sure i can do this akjsdhjsk this will make sense later i promise

do not learn gun safety from this movie

at one point, there is a whole lotta sheep. we are, after all, in Aotearoa New Zealand. and ok this had the cutest moment of Taika yelling "SHEEPY" out of a car

there's a scene where uhm. uhhh no not gonna describe this i think but. yeah fair warning this movie has some period-typical homophobia let's just say 💀 this is the live reaction:

MOVING ON

if you enjoy the 2000s aesthetic of "look how edgy we are doing drugs" *colorful-haired people on couches in dark club* *echo-y laugh* *hallucinations* *it's mushrooms look it's mushrooms we're doing psychedelics* then this is the movie for you my friend

oh and Alice also did acid at some point while being very "i've totally done drugs before" about it (((doubt)))

GIRL GET UP FROM THAT DIRTY BATHROOM FLOOR

[New Zealand accent] "wow. six and acid." yes she is living all her american dreams as you can see

by nighttime, all three cars (main characters, mr. trippy, and the nazimobile) and the motorcycle (mr. drug boss) have made it pretty far up the mountain, it seems. cute moment between mr. drug boss and nelson. look how :D he is!

but you know a movie with Taika in it needs to have a father figure talk down to him so he gets very 🥺 right after this

lots of shit goes down (i won't spoil too much if by any chance you still want to watch this) and it turns out that the older skinhead guy is the best actor in the movie??

and NOW things get weird

Craig and The American have so much beef by now that they decide to solve it by russian roulette

Alice's reaction to this is something like "ugh, you guys are crazy, i can't watch this 🙄"

like she just walks away?? GIRL THEY'RE AIMING A REAL GUN AT EACH OTHER

she keeps COMPLETELY UNDERREACTING TO WHAT IS HAPPENING like (spoilers from now on) CRAIG IS SHOT AND KILLED and she doesn't even run over and she doesn't even say anything to The American?? WHO SHOT HIM???? he's just standing there??

and then. AND THEN.

ok this is where i fully lost it for several minutes and missed half the following scene. i was fucking HOWLING like actually crying with laughter, i couldn't see or breathe and my partner got worried ksjdhfdjsk ok so here's what happens

they're in the car. craig is obviously very dead. alice is kinda in denial i guess. The American tells her to shut his eyes and she's like why? BECAUSE HE DEAD GIRL!! but she doesn't, she doesn't shut his eyes, no, this is what she does instead

I COULD BARELY MAKE THIS GIF BECAUSE I KEPT LAUGHING TO THE POINT OF TEARS

NOT THE SUNGLASSES ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME. THE UNTAPPED MEME POTENTIAL HERE IS FUCKING RIDICULOUS

ANYWAY shortly after this we hear one of the funniest lines in the movie (and it's not even about the shooting and killing of Craig):

"fuck, Seth! this isn't fucking America, you can't just go around shooting everybody!"

oh yeah The American does have a name and it's Seth

i'll just post a few chat screenshots for the next part because i can't really describe it, i promise we're almost at the end

after some incredible visual effects™️, we end with Return of the Sunglasses (and me scaring my cats away because i was sobbing again)

i haven't even really talked about Taika's scenes much (the reason i watched this in the first place) because the ending took me OUT and honestly he is maybe the most normal person in this whole movie. one review (from the trailer) wrote this:

and yeah that may honestly be the best way to describe it. 10/10 movie watching experience, highly recommend. thank you for coming to my snek talk

[catdemontraphouse]

Ok here’s the halfassed pseudocomic about Funtom Roll, complete with typos and poorly cut-out screenshots

Based on official Yana information that Funtom sells “women’s sanitary products”

Ciel: Sebastian, what’s on the schedule for today?

Sebastian: well, for starters we’ve got a meeting with the investors regarding expansions to the Funtom Beauty line.

Ciel: oh, right. I’d forgotten about that. They still want to go into selling hygiene products, correct? Personally I don’t really think it’s the right fit for our brand’s image. We sell toys and confectionaries, not facial tissues.

Sebastian: not to worry, my lord. I’ve already taken the liberty of preparing some product proposals while you were asleep.

Ciel:Oh god, Christ above, what have you done this time, Sebastian??

Sebastian: My, such foul language! So unbefitting of a nobleman! What have I taught you to say in these situations?

Ciel: *eye roll* what in the devil’s infernal name have you done this time? There, you happy?

Sebastian: yes, quite.

Ciel: I should have never humored Lizzy with agreeing to sell her stupid luxury perfumes… ugh, well, no use in rehashing the past. Show me what you’ve got, Sebastian.

Sebastian: very well, my lord. I’ve also prepared a brief slide presentation.

Ciel: oh for fucks sake…

Sebastian: welcome, valued partners of Funtom corporation!

Sebastian goes on for several minutes about Funtom goat milk soaps and Funtom toothpaste

Sebastian: We’ve also made efforts to launch products for hygiene needs related to cyclical health concerns.

Ciel: ????

Sebastian: introducing the Phampon: Gentleman’s Tampon!

Ciel: Sebastian I order you to stop! This won’t do!!

Sebastian: not to worry young master. There’s a lady’s Phampon and a gender-neutral Phampon Luxe to cover the needs of all clients!

Ciel: that’s not what I mean! We can’t associate the Funtom name with bodily excretions!! Are you insane?! What’s next, toilet pa-

Sebastian: Funtom Roll! A luxurious two-ply bath tissue!

Ciel: Sebastian Have you no shame?!

Ciel: fine then, we’ll produce Funtom Roll and print your uglyass stupid face on every slice

[secondratefiction]

Hi there! Hope you’re doing well! Kicking that funeral services degree’s ass with any luck!! I was wondering if you would be up to writing a drabble for Jason or Tim (whoever you think fits the scenario best) as the boyfriend of a law student. Maybe where they’re living together and she’s just barely getting 3-5 hours of sleep a night while trying to study for finals, writing a full legal brief, practicing for oral arguments, getting ready for her summer associateship, and applying for moot court and law review. (Is this based on some poor law student’s real life? We may never know!) And just like her needing someone to be there and take care of her, but also her wanting to take care of him too even though she is very much Trying Her Best to Survive™? (Btw thank you so much for blessing us with batfam content galore, absolute ICON <3 )

Oh good lord… bless you and this ‘hypothetical’ poor law student. I know my degree is kicking my ass all across the state and back, so I can only imagine… They keep telling me the degrees are worth it… we’ll ride it out and see. Good vides, and better times love 💜

—

Now I fully believe that Timmy would be wonderful at this in his own right… but every single thing about this request violently screams Jason Todd to me…

There are only so many hours and so many spoons in a day, and unfortunately a law degree takes up almost every single ounce of both of them

However, Jason has this innately ingrained need to take care of the people that matter to him, so this is exactly where he shines

He was always Alfred’s best protege, so the man cooks and cleans house like a pro. Not only that, but it’s something that he genuinely enjoys because they are simple and repetitive tasks that let zone out and go through the motions to decompress from his ‘other job’.

While he’s happy to take care of all of that and leave you to focus on the proverbial, ever-growing mountain of work you have - He’s not above making you stop to take a break.

It is not an uncommon occurrence for this man to literally close your laptop, throw you over his shoulder*, and haul you out to the kitchen table to sit down and have a meal with him.

((*I do not care what size you are, or what hang ups you might have about your weight, if this man can hold up a collapsing ceiling, he can carry you across y’alls apartment))

“Ok, I have physically seen you putting food and water into your body, you can go back to your cave now.”

This happens at least 2-3 times a week

He is concerned. Just humor him and let him love you.

Jason is 100% the type to be actively learning from anything you tell him

Some nights, when the insomnia and the nightmares decide to double team him, he’ll even sit up browsing through your textbooks just to try and understand everything you're doing more.

Tim get’s labeled the nerd of the family a lot, but really Jason would have been the family scholar if he’d had the chance

The second bedroom in your apartment is both your office and his library. That shit is floor to ceiling.

With that in mind he is always more than happy to be a sounding board when you need him to. Listen to what you’ve got, argue the other side if necessary

Dear god, just know what you’re getting into there… he lives for that kind of stuff, and he will come prepared. This is one of his all time favorite games, that comes second only to aggravating the living shit out of you (which, if he’s lucky, will be a bonus here)

95% of the time, Jason has got this, got you - focus on your school babe, I’ll take care of it… but that 5%? That bit where he’s not actually infallible? He so very desperately doesn’t want you to see that.

What you’re doing is important, and he doesn’t want the fact he had a rough night to be a distraction for you. This is where you enter a bit of a balancing act…

As much as you may want to put everything aside and take care of him, that is the fastest way to make him shut down.

Instead, grab a textbook and a highlighter. Go ‘make yourself some tea’ and pour him a mug too. Set everything up in the living room and drag him onto the couch with you.

Put his head in your lap, and just run your fingers through his hair while you do some reading.

Bonus points if you put a blanket over him

Poor baby is gonna melt in an instant and be out cold before you know it. Just keep playing with his hair and let him sleep.

And do not mention it if he is emotional when he wakes up… he’s never going to be good/get used to receiving love and affection. Do it anyway, and don’t make a big deal about it.

[pinkgy]

Belphegor Theory

Ok, so I might and might have not spent about two hours doing some research about Belphegor because that "Halo" of his has me questioning a lot of things, and this is what I came up with, but extremely summarized.

I'm most definitely no expert on the topics I'm about to talk about, I just dug a bit too deep into the internet and got some interesting things, I would like to know if I'm wrong and I would love to read opinions about this.

I got the information from looooots of sources, and credit to all of them.

So, we know that What in Hell is Bad is heavily inspired by biblical concepts, the Seven Deadly Sins are from Christianity, the Seraphims are mentioned in Christian, Islamic, and Jewish Literature, and pretty much all of the nobles are from the Ars Goetia, and many of them are associated with Christian Demonology.

The game also has many references to other religions and beliefs, but if I were to make a list of all those references, I'd be here writing for days.

Let's dig a bit into who is Belphegor outside the game.

Belphegor is referenced in both Jewish and Christian traditions, he originates from the Moabites, a very ancient tribe that habited the region of Moab, an ancient Levantine kingdom. Belphegor is originally the Moabite god Baal-Peor, who was associated with fertility, sexual power, and orgies, then he was absorbed into Hebrew mythology and later into Christian demonology.

In Christian Demonology, Belphegor is one of the seven princes of hell, and he represents the deadly sin of Sloth. He is also associated with laziness, apathy, and negligence and his name means "Lord of the Opening"

Belphegor is physically described in many ways, a very interesting fact is that in the Dictionnaire Infernal, a book written by Jacques Auguste Simon Collin de Plancy that summed up, is an illustrated version of the demonology, he is described as always having his mouth open, and the hand placement he has in the banner that Prettybusy recently released could be making a reference to that.

(Another interesting fact is that he's said to be hard to conjure because his sacrificial offering is excrement, but I prefer to ignore that)

Belphegor is also referenced in the Kabbalah, which is like a philosophy, or to be more precise, an esoteric method, discipline, and school of thought in Jewish mysticism that deals with the essence of God and the universe (I just copy&pasted this, it's a bit hard to explain, srry)

In the Kabbalah, guess what Belphegor is.

A fallen angel.

To be more precise, he was an angel in the order of the principalities.

Belphegor is known to be an enemy to the sixth sephiroth and the archdemon (or the leader) of the Togarini, they are the demonic counterparts to the angels that rule over the 10 Sephirot of the Tree of Life.

For context, the Sephirot are the ten emanations or attributes of God in Kabbalah.

I also read that some demons under the Togarini are Lilith, Samael, and Thaumiel, but there's very little information about that so I'm not going to use this as a fact.

The reason why he fell from grace is not explicitly mentioned, but it's somewhat implied that it was related to his association with the sixth Sephirah "Beauty" and the fact that he is depicted as a demon who tempts individuals with ingenious inventions, wealth, and discoveries (I also copy&pasted this)

It's also said that he rules over seduction, promiscuous men, and MISOGYNY.

I'm not sure if there are references from the Kabbalah in What in Hell is Bad, but if there were, it would be super interesting, as I said in the beginning, the game has a lot of references from various religions and beliefs, I would love to make a separate post about that just because I may have way too much free time to investigate that.

Or maybe I just spent 2 whole hours writing almost 700 words about a ton shit of things I barely know anything about and creating a theory just because of a black circle above a fictional character's head that it's probably just a horn just like @thrones-of-buer said on a post.

(I still have some doubts about that because it seems like in the new illustration that pb released of him today he has a unicorn horn just like Beelzebub, but I could be wrong)

This is just a theory tho, I'm most likely wrong, but I thought it would be interesting to share this with y'all :D

Sorry if there are any typos, I'm reaaally sleepy right now.

[justanotherbirdbrain-blog]

as a volcano guy, I'd love for you to go over what media typically gets wrong about volcanoes (like people outrunning a fucking pyroclastic flow and/or surviving in it for any period of time). I know you sort of talked about eruptions in your natural disasters post, but I still feel like there's a lot to explore about the typical "stratovolcano that somehow has constant rivers of lava" image that most people think of. Some stuff about how karst caves work/different types of them would also be cool!

Apologies for replying so late, but this is so true and frustrating! Media does not really properly convey natural disasters, maybe to make people feel less scared? But what it actually does is give everyone false confidence, or allows people to make uneducated decisions!

So lets talk about it! First lets look at some things in media that upset me:

To be completely clear here, I love Lord of the Rings and so does my advisor, so at LEAST two geologists have managed to get over this scene. However, when I put on my geologist glasses there is a lot to unpack, first, the above volcano is a stratovolcano, which erupts how it is depicted above kind of, which means its letting off mostly ash and giant boulders, and! the lava is not that flowy. Only mafic lavas flow like that (like in Hawaii). Stravovolcanoes get their shape from all the ash that is shed down the sides of the it, that is what the volcano is made of!

Also, even if we want to play devils advocate and say, "ok they got lucky with pyroclastic flows" WHICH GOES ON AVERAGE 60MPH OR 100KM/H. And lets imagine that these rocks just managed to keep them cool enough to sit on that rock, lava releases toxic gases?

Like CO2 which is toxic by itself sure, but also sulfur dioxide, carbon monoxide, and other very very toxic things.

Another thing about pyroclastic flows is they are freaking hot! 200°C and 700°C (390-1300°F) the heat will kill anyone before the ash does.

And now that I have brought up ash lets talk about what it is because people just casually standing in it with no masks?

Those are tiny glass shards you are inhaling, you know how asbestos is super bad for you? This is just as bad for the same reasons.

Dropping media for a minute, volcanoes kill in several different ways, whether it is an incident like Pompeii which was overtaken by pyroclastic flows, whether is be from volcanic gases like the Lake Nios, or from related earthquakes or tsunamis caused by the volcanic activity.

Speaking of Tsunamis!

No, there is not some huge wave, more than likely you will not see a tsunami coming. The most you get is maybe feeling the associated earthquake or volcanic eruption, or you see the ocean receding rapidly.

YOU DO NOT NEED TO BE BY THE EARTHQUAKE OR VOLCANO FOR YOU TO BE AFFECTED BY A TSUNAMI, If something causes a tsunami to happen in Japan, it can also affect Hawaii, and the West Coast of the US, and visa versa. This occurred most recently (to my knowledge) in 2011.

Do you want to know how fast tsunamis travel in open water?

over 500 mph (800 km/h)

Media should have some responsibility in teaching people how to behave in these situations to some degree and natural disaster safety should be taught regardless if you live in Kansas or Washington state, because who knows where you will end up living as an adult or if where you happen to vacation experiences a disaster.

I know there is a lot more to address from a lot of movies, but if I am being completely honest I avoid movies involving natural disasters like a plague because it just leaves me feeling very upset.

Oh wait one last thing to everyone seeing this!

YELLOWSTONE IS NOT GOING TO ERUPT. STOP SAYING THAT. The rhyolite magma chamber beneath Yellowstone is only 5-15% molten (the rest is solidified but still hot). Pick another volcano to start an apocalypse, because she ain't it.

Oh, also you don't need a supervolcano to send the world spiraling, a year without a summer, which was an absolute disaster, was created by the eruption of mount Tambora (in Indonesia) and just in EUROPE over 65,000 died because of the climate changes and resulting famine.

Thank you for your time!

[a-sociopath-do-your-research]

Hello Everypony :3

finally doing one of these, lol

💙About me!💜

Welcome to my blog for,,, everything! No sideblogs around here we die like men/j

My name is Oliver, but you can also call me oli! (ive got other names too, but that's the main one, check my pronouns page for the whole list!)

Xe/Void/Fox/It/They pronouns but get silly with it, i dont mind!! (except she/her)

We're a system! We dont talk about it a lot but sometimes it comes up yay!!

important post you should read!

I write and draw tho i am better at writing, lmao

@inky-drawings is my lovely girlfriend whom i love very much<333

@azamonvoid is my sib from another crib whom if i dont see soon heads will start rolling<3

@lmanburgseulogy SUPER AMAZING person (cough im copying part of the intro from bug), also my twin o7

@willthemicrowave AMAZING DUDE. Tem you're super cool

❌DNIs❌

cc!Wilbur and/or cc!Dream Team supporters. If i ever post about them its the characters.

-> also, if you see me reblogging from someone who supports them, please warn me!

Anyone who engages in discourse, esp syscourse. I do not care, let people live. Any interaction about it will be ignored and/or deleted. This isnt the place for it.

People in poppytwt/blr. I understand some people write it or engage in it to cope, but it personally just makes us uncomfortable. Thank you.

Just in general hateful people. Transphobes, terfs, homophobes, misogyinists misandrists ect ect. It is not that hard to leave people alone, and if you can't, get out.

✨ (main) Fandoms!! ✨

Hermitcraft/Life series!! My faves are Grian, Etho, Impulse, Zed, Jimmy and Mumbo (not in that order)

-> i engage in shipping the characters, quite a lot,,, if it makes you uncomfortable this ain't the place for you lol

DSMP! my mains are sbi (especially twinsduo you will always be famous to me,,,,), and sometimes feral boys!

-> i dont care most of those people are problematic now, my au just took a general outline of the smp then rewrote everything. There is barely any connection w/actual canon

SCU/Slimecicle cinematic universe!! Blame @alliumsmybeloved for this/j

Hollow Knight! Quirrel, Hornet, Hollow and Ghost are my faves!

-> nothing much other than i hate the traitor lord with a burning passion, lol

and many, many more!! Including percy jackson, portal, ect - these are just the ones im hyperfixating on the most lately!!

⚠ Terms and conditions? ⚠

I'm ok with flirting but ask first just to be sure!

autistic silly little guy. Sometimes i get too much, feel free to tell me if i exagerate and get weird!

-> be nice about it tho, please,,,

send asks send asks!!! They're so silly i love em<333

i do take requests on doodles, headcanons, snippets ect!! It just takes me a bit sometimes to answer!

I have a dsmp/hermitcraft/qsmp/ect au im working on, my magnum opus/j, go check it out it's @the-caladrius-au RAAHHH

I write about the characters, never the ccs.

💬Tag guide!💬

#Oli talks! -> silly tag for everything of mine, rambles,art, writing, reblogs (sometimes,,,)

#shift talks! -> like the above but for shift, one of our other alters :3

#Olis faves -> fav posts and/or posts i want to look back on!

#Oli writes -> pretty self explanitory, for when i write :3

#Oli draws -> for my art n doodles!

#Mutuals my beloveds -> Moot tag!!! For asks or when i talk with/about my mutuals! (if i forget to put it in a post with you, feel free to tell me!)

#nonnies my beloveds -> anon asks

#Beloveds! -> posts about/with @inky-drawings and/or @azamonvoid

#higgs Field au and #HFAU -> posts about my dsmp x Hermitcraft rewrite au

#the multiverse system -> stuff about our system!

#the horrors saga -> the horrors,,,,,, I just wanna write,,,,

#Twinsduo crumbs -> any and all Twinsduo content because I'm normal about them (lie)

#sillytick -> tag for @cao-tick ::3

-> if i forget to tag things properly feel free to remind me!!!

[plain text under cut]

Hello Everypony :3

finally doing one of these, lol

💙About me!💜

Welcome to my blog for,,, everything! No sideblogs around here we die like men/j

My name is Oliver, but you can also call me oli! (ive got other names too, but that's the main one, check my pronouns page for the whole list!)

They/It/xe pronouns but get silly with it, i dont mind!! (except she/her)

We're a system! We dont talk about it a lot but sometimes it comes up yay!!

important post you should read!

I write and draw tho i am better at writing, lmao

@inky-drawings is my lovely girlfriend whom i love very much<333

@azamonvoid is my sib from another crib whom if i dont see soon heads will start rolling<3

@lmanburgseulogy SUPER AMAZING person (cough im copying part of the intro from bug), also my twin o7

@willthemicrowave AMAZING DUDE. Tem you're super cool

❌DNIs❌

cc!Wilbur and/or cc!Dream Team supporters. If i ever post about them its the characters.

-> also, if you see me reblogging from someone who supports them, please warn me!

Anyone who engages in discourse, esp syscourse. I do not care, let people live. Any interaction about it will be ignored and/or deleted. This isnt the place for it.

People in poppytwt/blr. I understand some people write it or engage in it to cope, but it personally just makes us uncomfortable. Thank you.

Just in general hateful people. Transphobes, terfs, homophobes, misogyinists misandrists ect ect. It is not that hard to leave people alone, and if you can't, get out.

✨ (main) Fandoms!! ✨

Hermitcraft/Life series!! My faves are Grian, Etho, Impulse, Zed, Jimmy and Mumbo (not in that order)

-> i engage in shipping the characters, quite a lot,,, if it makes you uncomfortable this ain't the place for you lol

DSMP! my mains are sbi (especially twinsduo you will always be famous to me,,,,), and sometimes feral boys!

-> i dont care most of those people are problematic now, my au just took a general outline of the smp then rewrote everything. There is barely any connection w/actual canon

SCU/Slimecicle cinematic universe!! Blame @alliumsmybeloved for this/j

Hollow Knight! Quirrel, Hornet, Hollow and Ghost are my faves!

-> nothing much other than i hate the traitor lord with a burning passion, lol

and many, many more!! Including percy jackson, portal, ect - these are just the ones im hyperfixating on the most lately!!

⚠ Terms and conditions? ⚠

I'm ok with flirting but ask first just to be sure!

autistic silly little guy. Sometimes i get too much, feel free to tell me if i exagerate and get weird!

-> be nice about it tho, please,,,

send asks send asks!!! They're so silly i love em<333

i do take requests on doodles, headcanons, snippets ect!! It just takes me a bit sometimes to answer!

I have a dsmp/hermitcraft/qsmp/ect au im working on, my magnum opus/j, go check it out it's @the-caladrius-au RAAHHH

I write about the characters, never the ccs.

💬Tag guide!💬

#Oli talks! -> silly tag for everything of mine, rambles,art, writing, reblogs (sometimes,,,)

#shift talks! -> like the above but for shift, one of our other alters :3

#Olis faves -> fav posts and/or posts i want to look back on!

#Oli writes -> pretty self explanitory, for when i write :3

#Oli draws -> for my art n doodles!

#Mutuals my beloveds -> Moot tag!!! For asks or when i talk with/about my mutuals! (if i forget to put it in a post with you, feel free to tell me!)

#nonnies my beloveds -> anon asks

#Beloveds! -> posts about/with @inky-drawings and/or @azamonvoid

#higgs Field au and #HFAU -> posts about my dsmp x Hermitcraft rewrite au

#the multiverse system -> stuff about our system!

#the horrors saga -> the horrors,,,,,, I just wanna write,,,,

#Twinsduo crumbs -> any and all Twinsduo content because I'm normal about them (lie)

-> if i forget to tag things properly feel free to remind me!!!

[codename-adler]

adler ok i'm thinking about the aftg show again and like. because we'd have more time than with a movie, maybe the first part is expanded a little bit like instead of it starting with neil post-game at millport straight into wymack recruiting him maybe it starts with the game day instead like a montage of neil squatting in the empty house he mentions and heading to school, maybe he passes a paper stand or something that mentions kevin signing with the foxes, and then we see him blending into the background at millport, then exy practice, then stuff about the game etc etc because that opens the world a little bit, it introduces the audience to the sport and gives an idea of how it's played, and showing tiny little details about neil's life– him running, his living situation, etc– helps create curiosity around his character and solidify him as the protagonist whilst keeping it vague enough to make the audience want to know what's up with this guy, you know?

anyway here's my song pitch for this little opening bit

good LORD this is FIRE omg.

letting go of that very first shot being Neil Josten let his cigarette burn to the filter without taking a drag is going to be really hard for me because it is the best opening line in the history of ever. i think it would translate well onto the screen as well.

HOWEVER. i *could* be persuaded by your pitch... take all of that beauty, with that banger, AND THEN: stop the music as Neil Josten let his cigarette burn to the filter without taking a drag.

abrupt cut-off. complete silence. shaky camera shot. the night and the wind rushing in. the electric pitch noise of the outside stadium lights. stars above. the creaking of the metallic bleachers. smoke flowing and flowing and flowing. the burning orange cherry gets closer and closer to Neil's fingers. he never takes a drag. he's looking up at the sky, the lights, he's closing his eyes, he doesn't move. he breathes in. breathes out. that's all you can hear. in. out. again. the cigarette's cherry is too close to his fingers now. he takes a big inhale. he stubs out the butt on the bench. when the cigarette connects with the bench, the screen turns completely black with the sound of stadium lights shutting off deafeningly. we never hear Neil exhale.