#look into ANY “guru” in this shit and actually listen to what they say. it sounds insane

[lovedlovingly]

law of attraction really is the biggest scam of the 21st century. the pseudo science that comes with it and from it is massive and destructive. anti vaxx WISHES they had what LOA has

[traegorn]

"Get therapy lol" you're a real empathetic motherfucker.

Laughing at people in pain really doesn't fit with the picture of a kindly uncle looking dude, that's really sad and I'm sorry I ever followed you. Fuck you, fuck men who want to yell about slamming doors.

For real man, I'm sorry I ever followed you I'm crying now what the fuck? What the fuck?

What the fuck is wrong with you? "Get therapy" is what you say? Fuck you.

Maybe on our call this week I'll tell my therapist about the fake asshole who tries to act like an understanding elder but just drops edgelord epic bacon putdowns when somebody shares how something made them unhappy. For real, fuck you.

Okay, you sent me this string of anons because of my flippant response to this ask.

But like, my dude... I'm a stranger on the internet. I am not an "understanding elder" -- I'm a middle aged nonbinary office worker who makes some podcasts and writes comics and novels. I don't know what you think our relationship is, but I think you need to step back for like a minute.

Like I don't think you've remotely considered my perspective in this entire interaction.

I'm sitting here cooling off after a workout, watching this week's Dimension 20 episode, and I'm scrolling Tumblr. I had reblogged a poll about car door slamming, with a little thought appended about the subject... and then there's a contextless anonymous ask in my box which:

Complains about Europeans who are not even remotely referenced in the post I reblogged. Which is, y'know, weird.

Vents about their father. To me. A stranger in Wisconsin. Who again, neither knows who you are or who your father is.

Like, dude, let me remind you what you sent me. This is your exact ask:

My father used the stupid fucking car door as a reason to yell at me all the time, Europeans sound like whiny bitch ass motherfuckers who could use a few doors slammed at them. Fuck that persnickety shit. Fuck them.

Like what the actual fuck did you expect me to make of this, anon? You brought this energy to me. You didn't ask me for advice. You randomly vented to me, a stranger, without any context.

And randomly insulted Europeans, who hadn't even joined the chat.

Like the whole "who tries to act like an understanding elder" and "kindly uncle" is something you've projected on to me. I am not trying to be some wise elder or any other bullshit -- and I'm not going into how you've decided to use exclusively masculine terms for me.

Because your use of those words shows you don't know shit about me.

I'm just old and trying my best. I know some stuff, so I try to tell people that stuff. If you're coming to this from the witchcraft side, I have always maintained that all witches are equals and I am not above anyone. If you've put me in that position, I definitely didn't ask for it.

So yeah, this is where I'm at my limit. You've crafted a pretty weird parasocial relationship here and I have to get up and work in the morning. I'm glad you're getting some help, because this entire interaction has been wild from start to finish.

I am not your guru, and I am not your mom. I'm just a tired queer person who should probably go to bed.

(Also, I mostly added the song "Therapy" to the end there because it's a fucking bop and all nonbinary band Kat and the Hurricane's new album comes out tomorrow/today and more people need to listen to it)

[nono-bunny]

I was a bit worried about hearing Zack Tyler Eisen on the podcast because I read someone quote him on saying "it's all in your head buddy" about Zutara, which??? Doesn't sound great, and after how rude Bryke were I grew to be wary of Kataang shippers on the podcast, even though Janet does a great job or keeping them in check as much as possible and Dante is fantastic at easing the tension... I just don't like being condescended to like that, y'know?

But he was actually a great guest imo! He had a lot of unique experiences from the show by virtue of his age at the time, and in general sounds like a cool guy! I kinda thought he may have left acting after like having a bad experience on ATLA or something, but he sounds like he just really found a love for cinematography which is cool and good to hear! Like, he seems to still love engaging with the show every once in a while, and like, good for him!

Anyway this "all in your head" thing does seem to be like? Much more in jest than it may seem when reading it, he was kinda just messing around with Dante, and while I STILL disagree with him because Kataang is gross... He was much more chill about it than I thought, can't really blame him for preferring Kataang when he IS Aang lol

I am... Unhappy because when looking at future episodes to check out the guests I can look forward to (some real bangers, btw!) I saw that him and one of the Bryke duo are on Crossroads of Destiny which. Is kind of infuriating that there are two Kataangers on a Zutara episode, but honestly I'm? Kinda less mad about it than I was after listening to his episode, I feel like he might actually have some interesting things to say there since he said he liked the Guru Pathik stuff so! I guess I'll wait and see how I feel about it after reaching it lol. They better acknowledge that it's a Zutara episode though or istg...

I was originally SO mad when I found out about the Crossroads of Destiny guests being anti-Zutara that I typed out a huge rage post which I obviously shelved because it was completely out of proportion and written when I was barely coherent because I was extremely sleepy, it was all kinda funny tbh I was near on delirious writing it but tbf not all of my points there were completely wrong so? This post and a possible follow up in the future will exist in its stead lol

Also!! I do kinda just wanna throw this out there: I hate Aang and Bryke, but I have never had any issue with Zack for voicing him- he did a remarkable job voicing Aang! It's just unfortunate what Bryke did to his character development, and it's interesting to me that he seems to like the Guru Pathik stuff but? If anything I'm actually really interested in his pov, probably much more than I am in hearing Bryke's extremely biased one (they lied SO much over the years about the development process, wtf!! They've proven to be so unreliable, and alongside their shit takes I truly despise hearing them talk on the podcast lol)

[gamerkats]

Thank you for the writing guru asks, but we're not answering all of them. A few maybe, when we have the time. Please understand, we're NOT writing gurus!!!

GamerKAts doesn't give advice!!!!! Because we have no advice to give!

You don't want to listen to us! We break all the rules! Most people hate our work! Enough to take the time out of their busy hate schedules to tell us they do. We have more follows than reads. Honestly, we have no idea why 90% of our follows are even here.... Is it the cat posts???

Why would any of you asks think we know anything????

There are thousands of writing advice posts, a few even from successful authors, consult them. They're begging for the attention; they'd love it!

We actively don't follow anyone's advice. We see advice and go around like avoiding a sinkhole. Trust us, no mind trick, we're not the droids you're looking for.

Advice: "Don't break the fourth wall." Us with a sledgehammer looking through the hole we just made: Wow, look'it that! There's so much more space for my narrator to talk on this side!!! Advice: "Here's what to do for your readers! Here's what readers like! Here's how to make money!" Us posting for free on AO3/Wattpad with the WORST tags to find it: Welcome stranger. You lost? Welp, you should know, if you can't handle this weird, stay tf off our lawn! And no solicitors!

Advice: "Don't write morals in your work." Us writing morals: Well, since the world is a tire fire in a dumpster fire because of ADULTS, who obviously don't magically have a moral compass when they turned 18, we're gonna write about the dichotomies of right and wrong. BECAUSE WE CAN! Advice: "Grammar!!!! Don't change your tenses!!!!" Us grinning madly as we write: Gods! It's so nice to not talk to cops, especially the literary police! Otherwise, we'd be pulled over for HOURS trying to "get this right". Advice: "Research is more important than book logic."/"Book logic is more compelling than research." Us: Both Tolkien and Lewis were published..... So.... Advice: "Don't spend a long time describing things! Don't spend a long time in dialogue! Don't write long chapters! Don't write over 100k!" Us: Sorry, can't hear you over the sounds of our not listening. Advice: "Stop writing porn without plot and selling it!!! Write real books!" Us: Ummm, ok, but porn without plot sells though..... And 'real' books kinda....don't..... So.... Write porn without plot to support real books 'cuz even most pirates pay for booty???? Advice: "This is how you should write. And if you don't, you suck so dni." Us: Sorry, what were you just saying? For some reason the song 'What's Up, Duloc' was playing real loud and we missed it.

We're feral, and unmanageable. You don't want to be like us.

What you actually want is someone to remind you why you started writing in the first place. You want permission to keep trying. You want a cheerleader to scream keep going. You want to know you're not alone, you're not dumb, and you're not wasting your time.

And guess what, we can't tell you that!!! You have to tell yourself. We can't fix you, because you're not broken. You're alive, and that comes with a lot of ups and downs, stops and go's.

Writing is like the Sun. Sometimes it's hidden behind clouds of doubt and depression. Sometimes it's too intense, on top of everything else in your life, so you can't enjoy it. Sometimes it's night, go to bed damn it! Writing stuff in the moonlight is how you get the weird shit!

But no matter what, no matter how long it's been, no matter how unpublished, no matter how rule breaking, no matter how unread, writing will still be there. Yesterday, today, tomorrow, writing will orbit your day in wait, whether you acknowledge it or not.

Just running its course in the veins of a writer who spent so long in imagination-land, they forgot that in reality they mattered. They forgot they were important. Brilliant. Successful. Amazing. Talented. They forgot that the most important part of writing isn't the endless advice, it's actually WRITING!!!!! Literally anything! Because guess what? Writing shitposts and how you like blueberry muffins IS WRITING!!! Just a kind that doesn't get the credit it deserves because of gatekeepers who have no business being on guard duty.

So, you never stopped writing, you just started taking yourself for granted. Blame socmed for making the world's most screwed up leader boards. Where reads, likes, comments, and reblogs are a fucked up point counter system that people measure their worth with.

Remember the school yard days when one friend was enough? Remember how playing alone with your toys was enough? Because back then YOU were enough????

Yeah. Think about that. Or better yet, write about it.

So, no advice for you from us!!! You don't need it. Get out there tiger, and give 'em hell! You got this! Don't just be bad, be the WORST! And maybe one day, you'll feel good enough about yourself to be writing advice for others we can also ignore. 😊

"Titty, dicks, and assy pics,

AI sucks and can't write fics."

[tyranasauruslex]

do you think rome has ever made a mixtape songs for lukas when he gets bored?

Roman takings tips from those early 2000's Cosmo "How To Impress Your Man" lists. I actually see Lukas as the mixtape guru - he'd make Roman his own Spotify playlist.

Bored Roman would wander around the house and send Lukas multiple voice notes about the stuff he finds:

"What's this green stuff in your fridge? It looks gross. Eww... it tastes like grass. Why are you eating grass? There's nothing normal in your fridge by the way... even your bread is weird. What is Limpa? Ohh ok that actually tastes nice... Eww pickled fish. Your country is weird. I ate all your bread by the way."

"Your mom called so I told her you abandoned me to work... she's gonna send me baby Lukas pictures via email. I might put them on insta... I haven't decided yet... Oh my god you look like a baby giant... Your poor mom having to shove you out of her vagina. Ok you're actually kind of cute for a baby giant with your little knitted hat on... Aww baby Lukas at the zoo... ha, that giraffe must be related to you. All my baby pictures are with the nanny... or with Shiv looking like a bald egg. Thats depressing."

"We should go to that new Italian on the upper East side... I called and they said they'd do plain pasta for you... only if you want to though. You probably have boring work stuff to do or Tom will want to take you to show off. I can just go with Shiv and listen to her complain about how the baby ripped apart her vagina for the millionth time. Having a baby sounds gross but at least Lilly is cute... and small, not a baby giant like you were. I'll just take Lilly to the Italian. Babies can eat pasta, right?"

"Just so you know I've taken one of your sweaters cus I can't work out the heating system. Why are your arms so long? Like, how to you even operate them? Ohh this kinda cosy... you'll have to buy another one because I'm keeping this one. I'm in your closet by the way and it's giving serial killer. Nobody is that organised. Or neat. I bet if you decided to murder me this is where you'd hide my body. Or you'd stitch me up inside a bear carcass. Ohh cool... you have the shirt I wore when I first stayed over. You're such a dork. But in, like, a cool way and FUCK! Don't worry I'm not dead, I just tripped over one of your massive shoes. Is that how you came to the US? Via shoe-boat? You know, cus your Mister Viking and stuff... Ok, so I have a question... Are your stupidly big feet an indication of how big other stuff is? Cus it kind of feels that way when you cuddle me but... actually forget I asked that. I'm just gonna delete this..."

"You're asleep when I'm sending you this but I think you need to know how much you look like a dead body when you sleep. Here... I'm sending you photographic evidence... Why don't you make any noise? Like at all? You keep telling me I say a bunch of random shit in my sleep and... oh you moved. I'm gonna whisper from now on... Wait, what if you're actually dead? I'd get the blame and end up in fucking prison being molested by the guards. I can't go to prison so I'd have to dismember you in the bathroom or something. Also thank you for not being mean about the whole dick to shoe ratio... and for the drawing. Cus you know i've never really... well, anyway it makes it less scary even if you can't draw for shit. I'm just going to pet your hair for a bit cus I know you like that... Oh fuck I woke you up!"

[foggyparadisecandy]

On Words of Affirmation (and positive self-talk)

I'm going to come straight out and say it: I'm not a fan of affirmations and I want to explain why ... and provide a way to approach them so that they *can* be benefiical, if you are like me.

What are Affirmations?

They can be done different ways but the simplest way to explain them is that they are words you tell yourself to help manifest the you that you want to be.

Things like "I'm successful." "I'm hard-working." "People like me." "I am a good person."

Depending on which "guru" you are following, the idea is you repeat these things to yourself, possibly even looking in the mirror, out loud, in your head, for many many minutes, possibly multiple times per day.

The belief is that by doing this, you will change the course of your life and actually become this person you are telling yourself you are. How lovely, right?

My Issues with Affirmations

The problem is ... for people who struggle with self-esteem, these words are not only useless, I believe they are harmful.

"Sure, Foggy, *words* are harmful. Ok buddy.", you may be scoffing at me.

Well, my friend, if you have followed my blog for any amount of time, you know that I believe, and know for a fact, that words have power.

And the entire idea of Affirmations is that words have power, right? The point is that they have POSITIVE power if you just say the right words and repeat them the right way and do it enough times. That's when the magic will happen.

If we believe that words of affirmation have power, then it's a simple matter to understand that power has no inherent good or bad behind it. It's all in how it's used and the effect it has on the recipient.

So How do Affirmations Hurt People?

If your self-esteem is low - and many people struggle with this, the words of affirmation will be caught by your inner critic that will say "that's not true", "that's not true", "that's not true", and it will reinforce your negative views as you actively reject the very words of praise that you are sending your own way.

Then, the subconscious says "this stuff is supposed to work but it doesn't work on me. I'm a complete loser. Nothing works for me. I'm forever miserable and I suck."

I feel for you if this is you. <3

In essence, for people struggling with self-esteem, words of praise and affirmation make you feel like shit.

That's Depressing. Is There Any Hope?

If you are nodding your head and feeling what I've been saying so far, there is hope for you and, with a small adjustment, you can make affirmations work for you.

The key is two-fold:

1 - Start with known, positive truths about yourself. Depending on where your head is, these might be super tiny little things but find something and start there.

"I have made it to this point in life. I have survived a horrible childhood."

"I love listening to music."

"I love watching <insert favorite tv show or youtube creator or whatever>."

You know you. Figure out those small, TRUE, positive-minded facts about yourself. Repeat them as often as you want.

Definitely think of THEM next time your mind starts berating yourself. And bonus points if you go and do something you like instead of letting your mind beat you up when it goes to that dark place.

2 - Sprinkle in thoughts about ACTIONS you are taking. Focus on the effort, not the destination.

Instead of "I'm successful" -> "I am doing my best and working hard to improve."

"I'm smart" -> "I am working at learning new things and I'm open to new ideas."

"People love me" -> "I treat people with kindness and respect."

Again ... you know you. Figure out TRUE actions you are willing to take to improve yourself.

Don't stress the end goal. Focus on the fact that, hey, you are working it! Good on you!

FUNDAMENTAL TRUTH OF LIFE

And you know what is a fundamental truth?

The journey is the point in life, not the destination. There are a lot of super-unhappy people who have reached their goals because their goals are destinations.

If you cultivate an honest attitude of "I work at things and I am doing my best" and lean into that when your mind wants to beat you up? Well, my friend, you are on your way.

Make sure to take stock every once in awhile and APPRECIATE that you are, in fact, living that life of "doing my best." And over time, that appreciation plus that motivation will lead to some good vibes about yourself.

I hope this helps some folks out there who, like me, find Affirmations, as they are commonly described, to be hokey as hell and counter-productive.

[aoyama-division]

Luis's Thoughts on Kobe Division

Ren Nakashima

"Ren Nakashima... oh, you mean 'Vox'. Yeah, I know him. Besides listening to a few of his songs, he actually comes here to Aoyama to my restaurant on a daily basis. He doesn't order anything fancy or specific. He always orders my restaurant's curry and a side dish to go with it. I don't really know how my curry is any different from anyone else's, but if he likes it, I'm not going to complain."

"Truthfully, Vox is a good musician. His songs are easy to listen to on calm days, though they can get overplayed a bit like Karada mentioned. Still, I do enjoy them. I don't know much about him, personally. Despite how he acts on stage, he's pretty chill and laid-back once you get to know him. I've heard rumors, though, that he can get... possessive with things he likes. I hope they aren't true. Or if they are, they aren't as bad as people make them out to be."

Max Soukoku

"...My teammates played it off, but... there is something very disturbing and dark about this kid. I don't know what it is, but... like Karada mentioned, his eyes make him seem cold and empty inside. I don't know what is, but... it's obvious that this kid has had a hard life, and has undoubtedly spilled blood before. What's more, I don't know if it's true, but there are rumors surrounding him that revolves around a group called "The Commission"."

"Growing up in a family that regularly employed assassins, it was impossible to not hear about them. But even my family knew better than to do something that involved those group of killers. ...If this kid is actually involved with them then..." Luis closes his eyes and makes a sign of the Cross with his hands.

"...Que la gracia y la misericordia de Dios llueven sobre todos y cada uno de nosotros."

("May God's grace and mercy rain down upon each and every one of us.")

Kaiji Sano

Luis looks at the boy of the crossdresser and groans, placing a hand over his face. "Oh boy. It's impossible to not know about this guy. Besides the fact, that his mother is well-acquainted with my own, like Tomi, I know each of his brothers. I know his oldest brother, Henri, cause his fiancee actually works at my restaurant. ...Or she did up until she quit, for some reason. I don't know Izana well, but he's good to speak to. Mikiya is my worst nightmare come to life: Tomi and Karada put together." Luis bristles at the thought.

"I don't know Claude well, but I don't think either of us mind or care since we don't like talking and were dragged to parties against our will. And Nagisa... the less I have to think or speak about that future violador, the better." Luis looks at the Sano family and shakes his head.

"And I thought my family had issues. But anyway, Kaiji... I don't know much about him other than the fact that some of my employees are fans of his on social media. Me, I don't see the big deal about him. I mean, no offense or anything, but what's so impressive about dressing up as the opposite sex? You can find people doing that a lot nowadays."

"Besides that, Karada has an obvious grudge against the guy. Why? Mainly cause Kaiji is able to spend more time with Lola over in Saitama than he is, mainly cause they work in the same profession. He's been asking me for help on how he can get Lola to notice him. I didn't know what to say. Do I look like a guru on love?" Luis stares at the screen as he asks the question.

Lovesick

"So, a rock star, an assassin, and a... what are they called... oh yeah, an Otokonoko, or a 'male girl' if you want to be descriptive. Kinda makes for an odd team, don't you think? I mean, I know there are stranger out there, but I think these guys are, at least, in the top 10. Still, despite how strange they may seem, we shouldn't underestimate them." Luis takes a gander at Max's photo again. "Especially this kid. If he's actually affiliated with "The Commission", then we're in a world of shit."

[audio-luddite]

Wretched Excess.... or not?

It is fun cruising the internoise. There are people who drive a Ferrari to work, if indeed work they do. The tiny percent people have money to spend and lots of help doing that.

I was baited into looking at a video from TAS about the old / new personality Michael Fremer. He is a recognized Guru for LPs and has a legitimately good reputation in professional recordings. He has movie music soundtracks and other cool stuff in his resume'. He also has a stupid expensive audio system.

I should also say it is very very good. But the expense cannot be overstated.

The video is a tour of his audio system. To be sure his main job is to review equipment and that entails a revolving door of hardware. But he does admit to owning a lot of 6 figure devices. Hey watch it and be amazed.

The word dumbfounded comes to mind. Holy Shit. Things like that.

There are some blogs and discussion boards that are amazed and actually hostile about this video. That is unfair. He has made lots of money and it is his business. If you got it flaunt it baby. For that even if I had a couple million to spend I would not get any of this stuff.

Fun thing is towards the end of this he does a party trick. This is what I really want to talk about here. He has a set of calibrated microphones that sit in your ears like earbuds. They turn his head into a legitimate binaural recording device. He assures us this is very accurate reflection of his experience. He played his system and sat in his chair. You can hear what he hears. I was on my headphones and it was impressive.

Now this was YouTube playing on my laptop, but it claims a High end (ya sure) sound card and has a funky music system logo embossed on the case. The earbuds were from my Iphone when they had a jack.

The music was clear and frankly impressive.

So much so I tracked down the artist and the album. Lori Lieberman a very good singer songwriter. Jazz and American songbook type music.

Fun fact my generation had two songs that perplexed and fascinated us. "American Pie" by Don Mclean, and "Killing Me Softly with his song" by Roberta Flack. Apparently Ms Lieberman went to a Don Mclean concert and was so moved she sketched out a poem on a napkin about it. That was shared with two others who helped write that song. It did not become a hit until R. Flack recorded it after hearing the original version while on a flight. Then those two partners tried to hide her contribution and even deny she was involved. Lawyers made money.

Explains why she quit the music business for a long time.

I listened to much of this album on Itunes in my car on the way home from work. I liked most of it. The song that Fremer played through his trick microphones was "Truly".

When I got home I fired up the franken-amp and the other stuff necessary for a couple hours to get it all warm and magically aligned. After dinner and home roasting a batch of coffee and a brutal aerobic workout I sat down to listen.

My goal was to listen to the same stuff that Fremer played on his six figure system on my four figure system with some consumer grade good stuff. I did this.

To be sure Iphone buds and my laptop are not SOTA. Fremer's system is about as SOTA as it can get. So the stuff I heard on my full size system was better. There was more clarity and I need another go to be sure but I heard deeper into the venue and arrangements and supporting musicians. Pretty damn good.

The album is available in all the fancy streaming formats and of course vinyl. I may buy it if I convince myself all the tracks are my cup of tea, or home roasted coffee.

Aside from everything else Fremer can pick high end albums like few others can.

[outofcontexturi]

Mon 23rd jan 2023 journal 2:17am

I need to piss but I’m here. I think I’m active again. my brain feels to be working fine again unlike on Saturday morning where I was completely stressing. I’m starting to think there’s should be rules you don’t do when you wanna get high. Rule number uno: do not smoke or consume edibles without eating first. Rule number two: do not consume edibles if you haven’t had sleep. It will increase your anxiety and you’ll have a bad trip. Rule number three: learn to micro dose your shit. It’ll make for a better high. Those are my three rules so far. I’m present as can be right now. I miss being able to do this without worrying about time but here I am. I really am an over thinker. I get so in my head about things because there’s an intrinsic need to be right. It’s like I’ve been trying to prove that I’m right all my life. It’s like I have to prove how smart I am to people for them to respect me. That’s how I’ve felt since I was probably around 7. Being conscious that you’re doing something in real time is quite a trip. If my mood was a number i think it would be 7.5/8 out of 10. I need to piss still. I missed the 2:22. It’s 2:23. My left foot is moving a lot because I need to piss. I’ve gone to piss. Exited the room and saw on BBC news that Lisa Marie Presley has been laid to rest. I know very little if anything about the woman. Anyways today is gonna be a good day. I do need to sleep though. I think I’m thinking about how tedious MYO week is going to be. I need to think of a way to not want to lose my will to live this week. It’s 2:27am. make that 28. sometimes I wonder if I have the answers like I say I do but then I ask myself do you really? cause things feel new and I’m not used to this and I think that’s contributing to my anxiety as to whether or not I’m doing well. I’m filling my mind with these time conscious wealth entrepreneurial “gurus” who come across to have a sincere message but all in all are telling me politely in other words to be in a different financial position than I am now and I hear it but like where’s the time when you’re in full time education. I feel like there’s a part of me i haven’t actually explored. I think my growth comes thru travelling without my mum by my side or so heavily influential on if I travel to places. But it’s also a thing where she believes I don’t listen to her enough and I don’t want any of her weird/crazy superstitions to come true. But your baby boys got to live and somethings got to give ma. This cold I’m feeling is so so heavy my goodness. I’ve felt cold days man. This is actually so bad. This is the type of cold you never want to be in. My room is so cold right now. This isn’t it man. This is why I need to make it out the hood! cause I can’t live like this all my life. I need luxury and affordable housing clothing and great value food in my life as well as a bad bitch that really trusts and loves me. If I’m keeping it so real with you. I don’t really know why I have a tense disposition but a lot of people say it and I’m kinda like I’m not tense? but people see it. I don’t like that. I don’t like that people see me that way. Don’t get me wrong my body is tense generally speaking BUT not to the point where I look robotic and shit. I just caught myself overthinking in real time lol. It’s 2:41am. I can faintly hear the bbc news playing in mums room. I’m also scared to tell people my dreams. I think it’s cause people won’t believe it and if people I love don’t believe in my dream I don’t think I can be around them. I don’t want to be around them. But I’m also not sure I have the talent for what I want to do. I wonder what’s robbed me of my self confidence. Unless I think my self and my art work in tandem. My art is so heavily tied to me you can’t really separate it without me taking very much personal offence to it. I need to learn that my art is only one extension of me and not my whole being. But I think outside of that i don’t really know myself like that. Like idk if I’d struggle to answer 10 things I really like or 10 things I do with myself outside of acting. Con 2:46am

[phoenixyfriend]

Time-Displaced Izuna

Me, smashing Founders Era and Canon Era dolls together: Now bicker!

Yesterday, my parents asked me to prep some potatoes for the holiday dinner, and in that time I came up with a Nonsense AU that does involve time travel and Fashion Guru Ino.

And Izuna being petty as hell.

Izuna, while dying, gets catapulted forward in time to that nebulous period between the Exams and Sasuke's defection. Obviously, Tsunade exists and is amazing and also in the general area, and goes "well, he's clearly an Uchiha, and we don't have a whole lot of those, and our existing Uchiha is one hell of a flight risk, so even if we can't get any useful information out of this guy dressed several decades out of fashion, I'm going to save his life."

Shit happens, Izuna gets shunted over to Sasuke's care (IDK if this is before or after Izuna's eyes get removed for Madara) while recovering, Sasuke is... 90% panic because Clan Member! But clan member who is Heavily Injured and must protec, and Izuna's mentality is "well, the clan might be dead, but two and a half surviving Uchiha is still winning over the singular surviving Senju, so I Win, Tobirama" because... yeah.

Sasuke doesn't want to dig through his dead family's secondhand stuff, most of which is seven years out of date, and Izuna admits that he wants to be In Fashion. Sasuke asks Sakura, because Sasuke wears monochrome rompers but Sakura actually knows things, and Sakura's like "Right. So. I'm getting Ino."

And Ino's response to seeing Izuna in the flesh, dressed in his best approximation of modern fashion, is obviously "Oh honey, no."

I just want Ino to be a fashion guru to a time-traveler.

I also really like the mental image of Izuna having to deal with Tsunade,  because Tsunade's energy is so different from anything most people deal with, I think.

God, just imagine him trying to pick fights with Tsunade at the drop of a hat.

Izuna: She's a Senju, why do you listen to her? Sasuke: ...I'm thirteen and she's legally my head of state?

Izuna: You can't just let her boss you around! Sasuke: She's four times my age and can fistfight a boss summons, I don't know what you're hoping to hear.

Tsunade: Listen, either you can work for me as a shinobi, or I can get you sent back to T&I, it's up to you. Izuna: Bullshit, as if you could-- Tsunade: There is an entire village ready to fight you on my word. I may not be on the same level as my grandfather's generation, but I have an army, and I personally saved your life three days ago. Izuna: I don't owe you anything. Tsunade: Uh-huh. You wanna go nukenin and drag your family's name even further through the mud? Izuna: Says the alcoholic gambler. Tsunade: Hm. Yeah, okay, ANBU! Get this guy over to Psych for an eval. Izuna: Wait what.

(...why do I love S-rank characters being petty bitches to each other?)

Tsunade: You work for me now. Izuna: You wanna bet? Shizune, slamming the door open: NO.

But also... I have a Thought...

Tsunade tells Izuna that she's keeping him around for THIS reason: to keep her skills sharp as he tries to kill her.

Izuna: Uh... can't you just kill me instead? Tsunade: After all the effort I went to so I could save your life? No. You're going to be my lackey. Izuna: I hate you. Tsunade: Tough shit.

CONSIDER: GAI CHALLENGES IZUNA TO A SPAR. (IDK where to take this idea beyond just. Izuna going wtf wtf wtf.)

Kakashi, not looking up from his book: Good luck, honey, kick his ass!

Asuma: Should we be worried? Kakashi: No, Gai's going to be fine. He knows how to fight a Sharingan. Asuma: Gai's not the one I'm worried about.

Asuma, cupping his hands around his mouth: Hey Uchiha! You're gonna get your ass kicked! Izuna: [murder eyes] Asuma, shrugging: Well, I warned him.

It's the "Sasuke gets his ass kicked by Rock Lee" scene but taller.

Izuna starts demanding more spars with Gai because this is unacceptable! The vibe I get from Izuna in this AU is Miraculous Ladybug's Chloe going "Ridiculous! Utterly Riiiiiiiiiii-diculous!"

Ino decides to make it her job to matchmake Izuna with someone.

"Don't you want Sasuke-kun to have some little cousins running around?" "I'm his great-grandfather, so I'm pretty sure they'd be, like... half-great-uncles or something." "I'm not hearing a no."

I didn’t know Izuna had a canon age until I got into a conversation about it while brainstorming this yesterday, but apparently he died at 24, which is only a year off from what I’d been headcanoning, so I’m pretty happy to work with that.

I'm not gonna lie: my thought was that Ino sets Izuna up on a blind date with Anko.

It's only kind of a joke. Unfortunately for Sasuke, it turns out Izuna REALLY likes Anko. I want to imagine he’s very O.O about her. I want Izuna easily flustered.

[nitannichionne]

Henry Cavill Imagine -  If He Was YOUR Fan...

You made it!

You got into the small panel that gets to listen to the Henry Cavill interview pushing for the release of his next project. You went through three interviews and three COVID tests, but damn it, you made it! And who gives a DAMN about a quarantine when you get home?! This is a bucket list item!

You and seven other people got picked to ask questions from the audience. You’re not surprised. You’ve seen that before. To keep the audience focused from asking uncomfortable questions, people are planted to actually ask questions that Henry would be ready for in order to keep everything moving in a positive direction.

You are given a question to memorize, and your mouth drops. 

Do you read fan fiction and do you have any favorites? What do you think of people who write it?

Your heart sinks. You are here, made it, and the idea of asking such a question knowing you write and cast him in roles all the time heats your cheeks and makes you tremble with fear and anticipation.

“Are you okay with this?” the promoter asks.

You nod vigorously. “Yeah, yeah, sure.”

You check yourself out. You are in a white t-shirt and blue jeans with light suede jacket and boots, looking all the classic girl next door. Are you overdressed or underdressed? You feel your stomach twist and ask for water as you feel a blanket of heat cover you. You drink the cold water, letting it cool and steady you as it travels your body and take a deep breath. You can and are going to do this.

You are filed in with the other panel goers and your heart goes still as introductions are made. You unconsciously hold your breath as you watch him stride across the stage and take a seat, smiling enigmatically for fans and doing a wave the royals would be jealous of. He scans the audience and for just a second he blinks at you. You imagined it, of course, you chuckle to yourself. You have always believed your best assets are inside you, but on the outside you’re no beauty pageant winner or fitness and fighting guru to attract attention like that. 

He takes a seat and he talks about his next project. He seems excited as the interviewer asks the usual questions, giving him the opportunity to sell the movie and flirt with the audience a little. He shows a clip that gets great support and applause. 

It’s time. The interviewer finally opens questions to the floor and you watch the mic people act like they are trying to pick people and you try not to laugh as you watch your fellow conspirators get picked, one by one. You raise your hand as you’re supposed to, but they are not picking you. WHAT?

There are two questions left in the fix and finally, you’re picked. You rise to your feet and ask, “Do you read fan fiction, what do you think of it and do you have any favorites?” That didn’t come out right, but it all came out, you think as you feel like sitting back down.

He smiles.

“Yes,” he chuckles. “When I have time.” He pauses. “I think it’s really flattering, all of it. Someone takes the time to weave these stories about or around you is...just humbling in a lot of ways. There are some out there who have writing chops and I actually reread those. I have favorites...” He pauses.

Your ears ring as you hear Henry’s voice say your writing pseudonym and a few of your titles. You swallow hard, your mouth going dry and throat feeling like sandpaper. His smile is all-knowing. He knows it’s you! “I’d like to meet her someday.”

The last question from another person came. “Do you follow fans?”

“Most celebs follow fans under false identities they pick but they can’t contact them because it’s hard to tell where their hearts truly are, but I can honestly say, we appreciate you, we really do. We are fans too.”

You tremble, but muster a smile and sit. DEAR GOD. 

It ends and you measure your long stride quick steps out of there. You are trying to breathe normally. This was surreal. You take a deep breath and start heading out. It was nice to hold his gaze, you tell yourself. That was a moment you’d never forget--

You hear your name called and turn to see security. You walk toward them and they toward you. You are taken back toward that area where they gave you your questions to ask. And then coming down the hall you see him.

“You’re fast,” he says coming toward you. “I was afraid you were going to get away.”

He is coming toward you and you are walking toward him. You shake your head. This isn’t happening right now. Forget the movie star shit. This is a good looking guy, representative all the guys who overlooked you, friend-zoned you and complained about their prettier matches to you...all that shit. Hard to think he’s full of himself in plaid and jeans. The suits were like public armor to you, but he looks so damn...approachable...normal...

“So...?” His smile is easy as he stops in front of you. 

You stop and nod, smiling and take a deep breath, looking up at him. “So.”

@mistress-of-ward @nuggsmum @messyinsomniacbookgirl @jencanbeyouryengeralt​ @sweetdreamsofgelato​ @maryann84 @omgkatinka​ @the-soot-sprite @vikingraider @keanureevesisbae​ @henryobsessed​ @summersong69​ @kinbhot4henners​ @sunshine96love​ @michelehansel​ @radofrivia @thelastsock​

[phoebehalliwell]

what are your thoughts on thruples? cause I keep thinking about Paige/Henry/Coop, especially with Henry and Coop's epic bromance in the comics

ooh that could be very interesting. personally, i'm game for throuples (tho i will say i Hate the word throuple i think it sounds gross just like you know moist or something so i usually just say "poly relationship") but i do kind have beef when it's like. like you know the meme "it doesn't have to be like this [blank] has two hands"? funny meme i do like it but i hate when a poly relationship is just kinda an excuse to merge two couples rather than something that like emerges as distinct relationships between all three parties. like bella edward and jacob as a couple like. shure because bella loves edward and bella loves jacob but jacob and edward really don't like have anything there it's more like roommates who share a girlfriend rather than a poly relationship. one piece of media that i think really did it well was siren on freeform which i highly recommend the first two seasons it kinda goes off the rails s3 and then was cancelled but the first two season it really spends time fleshing out all aspects of the relationships between ben, ryn, & maddie and it also actually goes canon which is lit 🤙🤙

but basically. if i were to do a paige/henry/coop, i think i would start with specifically a paige/coop bromance introduce henry into the mix & let it blossom from there so like. as previously stated. i think each leg of the triangle here needs to be strong n steady on its own so um underneath the cut is i believe a record breaking 6.6k

rip richard but we'll say richard also died in this au rip. and then, of course, kyle also died. idk if he's a whitelighter or not but the point is paige has this weight on her chest like god i can't save these people i can't save the people i love ouch everything hurts

& that's when coop shows up!

and we'll have his introduction plot be a fusion of heartbreak city and the magic hour where coop's got this relationship and it's perfect they're so in love but there's this demonic interference and it's gonna kill one or both of them so he busts down the charmed ones' door like hi you guys are protectors of the innocent right well i have some innocents in dire need of protection

to which this duty gets turfed to paige because piper idk has work and phoebe has a date and phoebe's like i can cancel it to help! and coop's like what no the whole reason i'm here is love go go find love paige can totally handle this

and paige is like :| because she really doesn't want this gig and coop's explaining it all to her how this love is going to be broken up by a magical death unless they stop it and paige is like okay look here coop let's not get our expectations up to high because in my experience almost all relationships end in a magical death and coop’s like !!!

and immediately does like a cupid reading on her and paige is trying to bat him away like ew no i do not need any love guru-ing right now okay let’s just fix your thing and then you can leave okay

and coop’s like no don’t you see? this is fate, the fact that it’s you and me on this, it means i’m meant to be here, i’m meant to help you find love

and paige is like uh no it means piper’s a mother of two and phoebe’s on a date while i am the tragic spinstress of magic school (which is still under her charge just bc it is we didn’t abandon it)

and coop’s like nope. it’s fate. and paige rolls her eyes and coop’s like come on, like you don’t believe in fate and paige is like actually i don’t! and coop just smiles at her bc he knows she’s lying and paige knows she knows he’s lying and she tries to sneer at him but it’s just insanely half hearted bc to be honest her heart kinda skipped a beat with that smile but no

absolutely not

dude, all she gets is cursed love, and now a cupid?

she can’t go through all that she can’t fight for love only to watch him die no she’s gonna ignore it he’s not that cute anyways oh fuck he totally is but whatever!!! doesn’t matter

so blah blah blah paige and coop save the day including one moment where idk there’s an explosion or something they have to dodge something hide for attackers something where they get thrown up against a wall faces inches apart from each other breathing heavy undeniably a moment which they both Immediately break because wooooah that is a little too much chemistry!! better act like that never happened

and you know next episode or whatever coop’s like okay let’s find you love!! and paige is like not now i’m at work and coop’s like in an alleyway and paige is like i need to look after my charge and then after that i need to grade papers and after that i need to order cauldrons and after that-

and coop’s like find love?

and paige is like no. i need to.... but um she forgot the rest of her list

and coop’s like find love excellent sounds great!

and paige is like anyone ever tell you you’re really annoying and coop’s like nope i’m a cupid :0)

and blah blah blah they’re arguing and something something w paige’s charge and paige is like i gotta go talk to him but coop holds her back because wait who’s that approaching him and paige is like fuck that must be his parole officer bc idk he’s doing something that is obviously breaking parole and paige is like aaaaaaa what do we do and then it’s a henry face reveal and both paige and coop are like woah.

but then paige is storming off trying to like try to fight henry and henry’s like what the fuck is this?? and coop’s running up like hi i’m also here and speed’s like i-cannot stress this enough-do not know any of these people and coop’s like you don’t know us yet and paige is like you can’t do this speed’s a good kid and speed’s like yeah!!

and henry’s like he was so very obviously breaking parole and paige is like he’s a kid and henry’s like a kid who’s been to juvie!! twice!!! and who should know the damn rules by now

and paige is like look something something clever talk bargaining whatever puts something of her own at stake and henry’s like you’re really gonna risk it all on this kid and paige is like yes. he’s destined for greatness. and speed is like yeah!! and henry’s like fine. whatever. but when the other shoe drops, you know like i’m gonna cash in whatever wager paige made here

& he leaves

and speed’s like thanks also who are you and idk we get a paige monologue something full of love and spirit and coop’s also there still and speed’s listening to this monologue kinda like um okay bc honestly? just met her five minutes ago this is kind of a lot but coop’s listening to this monologue like wow😍

so idk speed leaves and coop’s like hey so do you pick a fight with all the guy’s you find attractive and paige is like what

and coop’s like well i’m just saying you know with richard with kyle with me and now with henry i’m kinda sensing a pattern there

and paige is like did you just include yourself on that list and coop’s like i mean yeah duh

and paige kinda wants to argue back but her blush is giving her away so it’s best just to change the subject so what you think i should be going for the parole officer?

and coop’s like yes! didn’t you feel it there was a spark there passion energy something that with the help of yours truly can easily turn into love and paige is like yeah no. absolutely not.

and coop’s like come on why not he was hot and paige is like yeah well if he’s so hot why don’t you date him and coop pauses like hmm like genuinely consider and paige is like don’t do that

and coop’s like why not and paige is torn between don’t date him because i actually did feel that spark and i do kinda like him and also don’t date him because if you’re gonna date anyone it should be me but both those are too embarrassing to say out loud to her cupid so instead she just says conflict of interest

and we flash forward to later idk when the point is speed is doing graffiti on public property but not just like stupid pointing a spray can at something la la la like proper graffiti like an artform but as it is unfortunately public property that is Illegal so it breaks parole

so idk henry’s there and busts him and paige senses speed’s in trouble so she shows up and henry’s like good you’re here. i’m not actually gonna cash in the thing that you wagered because that’d be unfair, because i know the kid, i know that he always let’s you down and speed’s like hey man

but paige is looking up at the wall and she’s like don’t you get it and henry’s like ...no and paige is like it’s art. it’s a release, it’s a coping mechanism and speed’s like idk that’s all sounding a little bit pretentious for a bit of graffiti and paige is like you can’t arrest him for this and henry’s like it’s literally illegal. & i already let him walk once what part of this aren’t you getting

and then there’s like a. idk cop radio thing i don’t know how police work that’s talking about how whatever gang speed used to run with just robbed some place but they’re hot on their tail bc their getaway driver sucks and henry’s looking at speed bc speed Is the getaway driver hence the name and henry’s like how come you aren’t driving that car huh

and speed just shrugs and henry’s like no how come you’re not driving that car what you swap out one crime for another you’re getting busted either way and speed like shrugs 

and paige is like he’s creating art instead and henry’s like did they approach you to drive the getaway car and speed shrugs and henry’s did they approach you to drive the getaway car and speeds like yes man they did i said no and henry looks up at the art

and it’s some super nail on the head craving freedom thing a bird breaking free from a cage type shit and it’s gorgeous

and henry looks at paige like what are you, huh

and paige is like freelance guardian angel

and henry just uncuffs speed and speed’s like what are you doing and henry’s like go. next time you do this find a wall that isn’t public property

and speed can’t help it he kinda smiles n runs off and henry just looks at paige bc what the hell has this girl gotten into him bc normally he’s just got such a concrete shell but she’s smiling at him like he just made the right choice and he’s really gotta fight the urge to smile back. what the fuck

so he says something stupid and leaves

and later paige is doing something when boom coop is here invading her personal bubble bc that’s become their new mode of communication is there are one thousand empty chairs and coop is seated in one paige will walk over and sit on that same chair that’s how they operate bc again there’s this sense of longing for one another and they both know they can’t go for it so instead they just opt for this intense intimacy passed off as friendship

and paige is like met the parole officer again and coop’s like oh henry mitchell? and paige is like how do u know his full name and coop’s like did my research<3 and they’re talking blah blah blah idk and it’s both how to land a date with this guy and also heavy flirting at the same time. and then like phoebe walks into the room and they snap apart like magnets with the same polarity i think?? been a while since the fifth grade and their language just becomes so much more stifled

to which phoebe is vaguely aware and this is a change but we as the audience are super aware it’s a change meaning that their constant flirty banter is a choice on both parts they are both very consciously doing this

and then i don’t know there’s something bigger going on in the main plot which has been building and the main villain needs something magical from each type of being so a cupid’s next on the grocery list so idk coop is either out minding his own business getting coffee or he’s out on reconnaissance on henry when all of a sudden he’s attacked!! by idk an arrow seems convenient honestly we should do a bow and arrow an homage to in original cupid iconography

and henry’s in proximity and sees this and idk maybe they’re somewhere where there aren’t that many people just so you know u can be attacked by a bow and arrow and henry’s like what the fuck!??!?! running over to help him and he vague recognizes him as the angel’s friend but is mainly like holy shit did you just get shot with a bow and arrow and henry’s like i’ll call an ambulance i’ll drive u to the hospital

and coop’s like no no uhh can’t go with the whole i am actually a magical being i exist in no databases and also have no money so instead goes with the i have no health insurance and henry’s like hmm. fuck.

so the next thing you know coop’s on henry’s couch and henry’s doing rudimentary first aid and coop’s really trying to hobble away because if he can just get to paige she can heal this because she unlocked that power in like s5 or s6 in a more natural progression but henry’s not letting him leave because dude you have an arrow in your chest

and now we’re doing the hurt comfort schtick with the meaningful glances and also coop is shirtless bc well you know Arrow In Chest and he’s also in henry’s apartment which is offering a very weird sense of intimacy

and there’s also this kind of banter going because coop’s like no i’m fine i can leave this is fine and henry’s like dude. please let me at least try to help you and after that you can walk right out of here and go repuncture your lung. but just. while you’re. let me do what i can

and coop’s like okay because like. well i mean a) gotta keep up appearances like he’s mortal and b) henry’s kinda fine so sure he can play doctor what’s the worse that can happen

and henry’s like okay we gotta get this arrow out of you so um. any ideas on how to do that? and coops like yeah break off the feathered part and then pull the rest through

and henry’s just like yeah? you have experience with this? and coop’s like once or twice and henry’s like what do you do?

and coop’s like ... relationship therapist

and henry’s like are relationship therapists frequently attacked by archers and coop’s like yeah more often than you’d think 

and henry removed the arrow and the actual point stabby bit of the arrow is shaped like a heart just for funsies bc it’s for cupids but henry’s looking at this like relationship therapist hunting arrow??

anyways. henry is pressing some bandages against coop’s chest to staunch the bleeding and there’s a Moment there to which henry kinda falters because woah gay thoughts?? and the pressure lightens but then o shit i’m lightening the pressure don’t do that!! so he pushes hard and coop’s like aa!! and henry’s like fuck jesus and coop just kinda laughs like i guess you don’t patch up arrow wounds that frequently and henry’s like yeah actually you’re my first!!

something something something coop’s patched up and henry gives him once of his shirts because coop’s shirt had to be cut off him bc of the arrow and we get one of the classic how to i look / starstruck moments because hell yeah we do

and blah blah blah blah blah blah blah coop makes it home and paige is like where in god’s name did u get that shirt bc it looks nothing like what coop would wear in fact in kinda reminds her of

believe it or not, henry

hot parole officer henry?

the one and only

and paige is like you slept with him??? and coop’s like close. i was shot with an arrow and he patched me up

and paige is like !!! because you know main plot evil all this that coop takes off henry’s shirt so paige can see the wound and heal it and she’s looking at henry’s handiwork and it really is the old college try but that man is not a medic so now paige is laying her hand on coop’s bare chest and phoebe walks in and immediately turns on a heel like i’ll give you guys some space!!

and paige is like no it’s fine i’m healing him he was shot main plot and phoebe’s like oh

and then later phoebe’s talking with paige like okay you and coop tho. bc like. ik ik healing or whatever. but like. 👀👀.

and tbh paige has been waiting for this because she really needs to unpack bc like i know!! because coop and i have this thing and it’s a great thing but it like can’t be a thing it’s a forbidden thing but i want it to be a thing but at the same time there’s this other guy and i can’t get him off my mind and i’m worried i’m just viewing him as a safer alternative instead of coop but like. idk he was just my backup i feel like i would be more lukewarm about it. but i’m not. like. i’m really not i kind wish i was because i don’t know if i can do a relationship again especially because he’s mortal like i can’t have someone i care for die again so maybe it’s safer just to keep what i have with coop or maybe even to explore that further? and keep henry safe? but like this and that and this and that

and phoebe’s like buzzing because it’s been a while since she’s had such an interesting love mess to tinker with so the first thing she does is go to coop just to see what she can sus out there Meanwhile paige is with speed where you ask? p3. well, outside of it

speed is painting the side of the club with this amazing artwork and clearly there’s this vein of magic running through it with certain symbols all that and he’s using paintcans and paige has her paintbrush and is adding smaller pieces as well

and she’s like hey where’d you get like that idea or thing idea because they’re all like. runes or magical somethings or others and speeds like idk. saw it in a dream maybe.

and henry rolls up because he stopped at the manor looking for paige and piper directed him here and he’s just like. like he sees this amazing work and it’s a big heart full moment and paige and speed finish up and speed adds his little signature at the bottom and leaves and henry says he’s proud of him and speed acts like he doesn’t care but he does

so henry’s like hey how’s your friend and paige is like coop? yeah, no he’s totally fine and henry’s like really???

and paige is like yeah no um. my brother in law! is an army medic. so um. he was able to. yeah : ) which isn’t technically a lie because leo was he’s just also kinda frozen in a block of ice now so whoops

and henry’s like that’s good but the real reason he’s her it to like thank paige for you know like. seeing the light like maybe henry has become too bitter and jaded so it’s good to know that there are freelance guardian angels out there keeping the balance and you know watching out for these kids so thank you for just like. being a good person.

and he also looks at her art and he’s like this your coping mechanism and paige is like yeah [tragic backstory swap time!!] and both paige and henry kinda realize how they’re like almost mirrors to each other and henry kisses her and paige kisses him back but then stops because she likes him too much which means he’s gonna die

so she’s like sry i gotta go and henry’s like oh :\ because um. well. whoops. because like. god he so rarely goes out on a limb like that and for one moment there it felt like it was all gonna align like he wasn’t gonna get ditched but paige’s green punchbuggy is already peeling out of the lot so guess not

so phoebe’s determined that coop is indeed in love with paige so all that needs is a little nudging okay she’s on mission time to go

and then next thing you know paige is storming in all in a tizzy because she kissed henry and coop’s like this is great news and paige is like no this is bad news! and coop’s like ???

and paige is like no you don’t understand it’s like i’m cursed because whenever i love someone whenever i truly love someone they die and that kiss....... it was..... i can’t have henry die

and coop is like on full cupid mode idk a cupid monologue blah blah blah love <3 and it kind of heals paige both in a sense that it quells her worries but also in a sense that being around coop always seems to make her feel better like she just feels warmer feels safer when he’s around so um. she should probably. figure something out about that. esp in regards to henry. right?

anyways. coop for some reason or another runs into henry again (call it fate) and henry’s like hey r u okay? and coop’s like yeah : ) ! and thank you, by the way, for um patching me up and stuff and henry’s like yeah no problem but um look can i ask you a favor and coop’s like sure

and henry’s like you’re a relationship therapist right and coop’s like yeah 99% sure he knows where this is going and henry’s like like family and relationship counselling and coop’s now only like 40% sure he knows where this is going and he’s like sure and henry’s like great okay so um i’ve got this parolee who [plot background story idk there needs to be some familial healing something or other] is there like. anyway you can help out with that

and coop’s like totally!! and henry’s like oh thank god because like. therapy expensive.

and now we get another one of those moments like seeing someone in their element henry sees coop as he goes basically full cupid but rather than romantic love it’s familial and henry’s like in awe and he’s also kind like wow okay i’d totally make out with that guy like right now but like. like he just kissed paige. and he knows coop and paige are friends. so like. like he can’t do that right? is that too weird?

so family therapy a success and like as established forging bonds of love strengthens cupids so coop’s like word you know if you ever need this on a more regular basis and henry’s like i promise you’re gonna regret offering that and coop’s like not a chance and henry’s like i really have like nothing to pay you with and coop’s like you make these kids lives better. i don’t need payment and henry looks over and gets is Own aha moment of oh i do have a purpose and also i love my job type thing

but. there is another task at hand. because like. are you and paige?? like??

and coop’s like me and paige??? and he’s about to say no because no they’re not but now he’s thinking about it and they are kinda more than they are not but henry’s not asking about the minutiae of it so now henry’s just watching him go on this face journey before going why do you ask : ) and henry’s like no nothing i just thought like well i don’t know what i thought

and coop’s like haha yeah well you know it’s um. haha yeah! you know how it is. i mean. paige is amazing and henry’s like yeah she really is and coop’s like yeah and like she’s just got all this love in her heart and henry’s like i know!! and she’s so smart like you should see what she’s done with speed she got him this place where he can put up his own art and like blah blah blah and at this point it is just coop and henry praising paige to each other for about five minutes before they kinda realize what’s going on and they’re like hmm. well this is kinda weird. cuz now we both kinda sound in love with her.

and coop’s like listen. i know paige really likes you. like a lot

and henry’s like woah i’m gonna stop you there because um. like. i mean i don’t wanna sound weird but like. like we did kiss and then she kinda just ran off and i mean literally ran hopped into her car drove away type thing so. i don’t really think so. so :\

and coop’s like no i mean like okay yeah that did happen but dude you’ve gotta understand she’s had so much loss and henry’s like no i know she told be about her parents and coop’s voice gets real low leans in because this is Top Secret information and he’s like it goes beyond that and henry’s like what and coop’s like her past two boyfriends both died. one from a heart attack, the other was hit by a car (well, no richard was not hit by a car but when all the magic inside you fucks you up that bad evidently the wreck that’s left kinda looks like you were hit by a semi. ouch) and coop’s like so paige kinda just. thinks she’s cursed.

and henry’s like oh. because my god. that’s a lot to process. and that like. like makes so much sense because like if that happened to him he really wouldn’t be able to date again hell that did not happen to him and he’s already barely able to date bc of how afraid he is of getting hurt

but coop’s out here like henry it’s not you like i promise she really likes you i mean you’re a good man and you’re brave and you’re passionate and like you’re hot, obviously and coop theoretically starts complimenting henry from paige’s point of view but then it very clearly starts to dissolve into coop’s pov and we’re still riding that chemical high of the In Your Element passion henry has for coop added onto the good person bonus of yes i’ll continue to help you with this endeavor for literally no benefit and now he’s just rattling off compliments to henry and henry’s just like oh jeez 😳😳🥰

and there’s just like. the briefest moment of henry’s eyes darting down to coop’s lips and coop’s daze is kinda broken and he realizes that he’s just been telling henry how foioine he is to his face and there’s a moment spellbound lookin into each others eyes like damn this is kinda gay & then they’re making out

and then henry’s like ohhh my god what am i doing what have i done oh know because you’re paige’s friend you like paige and i kissed her earlier today and now i’m oh my god this is a bad idea right? this is a bad idea?

and coop’s thinking on it because like okay he has been trying to pair paige and henry together a) because they’d be cute together and she clearly likes him but also b) because he really likes her and he can’t be with her bc he’s a cupid so at least if she’s with someone else who she loves he can be happy knowing she’s happy. but now he’s here with henry and he shouldn’t be because Again he’s trying to pair paige with henry and he can’t be with henry bc as previously stated cupids can’t actually have relationships but he shouldn’t even be thinking that because henry isn’t for him but even if he was which he isn’t it wouldn’t work because he’s a cupid so um. yeah. this is a bad idea

yeah

yeah

no they’re makin out again.

anyways. l8r at p3 someone else who owns a local business sees the art on the wall outside and is like yo who did that because i would totally pay them to do idk my food truck or something and piper’s like i’ll tell u exactly who did that

so idk i think legally since speed’s a minor and a parolee henry has to be involved in the job getting process actually wait speed just turned 18. idk what any of this means but we’ll say henry needs to be there so piper gave paige the food truck guys digits and paige passes on the news to speed and henry and like. paige shows up at henry’s office to be like good news!!

and to level with you henry thought that like. after making out with coop maybe his feeling for paige would dissipate like maybe he was secretly gay this whole time and paige was just a safe route to project those feeling but paige comes in with this smile that puts the goddamn stars to shame and henry’s like nope!! still in love with her!!

and paige is like okay because like this is all set you know like this could even lead to a career in art for speed like and henry’s like yes absolutely but now that the initial glow of that has worn off they’re both kinda remembering that the last time they saw each other they kissed and then paige bolted so yeah they should probably address that

and paige is like look i want to apologize for just kind of. running out the other day. that really wasn’t. it wasn’t right and i know this sounds dumb but it really wasn’t about you i’m just i’ve been in this weird place and i do like you henry like i really do so i don’t want you to think 

and henry’s like i feel like i kind of apologize too because i kinda made out with your friend and paige pauses because like she really has no friends well i guess besides coop but like there’s and henry tacks on coop to clarify and paige just snorts laughing

like she has no idea why that’s so funny but it just kinda is like. what!!

and henry’s like yeah but it was like. it’s. he really likes you paige he really does care for you i mean i really care for you too and henry’s kind of playing both sides here because he does like. really like paige. and that’s why he wants her to be happy and it’s her choice who she feels who she’d be most happy with whether that’s hm or coop because honestly coop is p amazing henry wouldn’t be burnt losing to him because coop is a great guy and paige is just watching him ramble smiling and henry realizes he doesn’t know what he’s saying anymore so he just kind of trails off and gets kind of lost in paige’s smile because like. wow : )

and paige is just kind of there processing that information because um wow who could have seen this coming and honestly she’s still not over coop kissing henry that’s just so unbelievable entertaining to her she’s so gonna hafta prod coop about it later because dude what?? what? bro. bro. bro. like. like the two guys she’s in love with kissed like bro what!!!! lmao she would pay money to see that how tf did that happen. she would have loved to have been there. that’s insane. she really wished she was there. like. really wished she was there. hmm. should she stew on that a little more?

and henry’s like. this is awkward. i’m sorry. i don’t want things to be weird between us. and paige is like henry i think things have been weird between us since i first picked an argument with you in an alleyway. and henry’s like true!! and they’re laughing and there’s a beat and henry’s like i think i fell in love with you in that moment. and paige is like yeah?

and henry’s just. i mean like. look at her <3 but like. she deserves. like she deserves the best there is and he’s just some guy like some jaded hardass who lives in a crappy apartment and who always forgets how to do the right thing it seems not to mention all his fucking baggage like. she deserves better. 

and paige sees him kinda retreat and like she kind of pulls out of the moment too because she loves henry she does but like that fear that he’s gonna die is still there and she wants to fight it she just doesn’t know if she can but like. she really really does like him.

and now they’re both standing there again another moment turned to dust in the wind now they’re just two people standing there incredibly normal about it yep just two people nope paige is kissing henry ope okay yep they’re making out and boom someone’s knocking on henry’s office door o quick act natural because hi henry heard you needed like the legal paperwork because speed’s getting a job here you go and henry’s like 👍 thank you very obviously flushed and his coworker is like. what the fuck is going on in that office. but like. doesn’t really care enough to find the answer to that question.

so paige is like you should come to p3 l8r tonight to like celebrate speed getting a job blah blah blah blah and henry’s like i will be there

so later paige is getting dolled up in a fire outfit just adding the final touches when coop shows up bc phoebe said you needed to see me? (with phoebe’s strategy fully being in mind that paige looks hella fly right now but also is still in the manor an area paige and coop have kind of curated as their space also like once she goes to p3 it’s simply too loud too crowded to have a heart to heart like what is about to happen here which she would listen all unfold but piper unfortunately dragged her away to help with the boys but i’m sure it’s all going well)

and paige is like ....nope. and coop’s like ah. well. you look great. going to see henry? which he asks that question like he’s walking on very thin ice and paige is like yeah and i gotta say i can’t believe you kissed henry before you ever kissed me and coop just laughs like well!!

and paige is laughing too but there’s this undercurrent of you still haven’t kissed me :/ and coop’s like i take it henry told you and paige is like yep. and then made a very convincing campaign in your favor on how you’re evidently in love with me and you’re probably my better option, he loves me, too, but just can’t seem to hold a candle to you

and coop’s laughing and he’s like that sounds like something henry’d say, he’s really. he’s got a lot of love he just doesn’t seem to think he’s worth it.

and paige is like you think he’s worth it though

and coop’s like i do. you think he’s worth it too. and paige is like i do.

and there’s a moment of stillness because what the fuck are any of them doing and paige is like we can’t keep doing this. and coop’s like gonna hafta be a bit more specific there because i think i’ve broken more rules than i can count in the past 24 hours. and paige is wanna make that one more and coop’s like !? and then paige kisses him and coop’s like okay now’s the time where i would really love some clarification

and paige is like. well. i had to kiss you, right? and coop’s like sure? and paige is like because i’ve wanted to for the longest time because i keep pretending like i’m not in love with you because well you know you know me better than almost anyone else but like. i also love henry. and so i had to kiss you. as a test.

and coop’s like ...did i pass?

and paige is like that wasn’t the test and coop’s like what was and paige is like i don’t know. to see where my love is. to see if i love you or if i love henry or if it’s all just infatuation and relfections distorting how i feel and coop’s like okay. so... what’s the answer?

and paige is like i love henry. but then she kisses coop again and is like but i think i love you, too. and they’re doing that thing where they lack bubble space when they talk i mean paige’s head is basically on his chest and coop’s hands are on her waist and coop’s like okay. so where do you want to go from here.

because he’s a cupid you know his top priority is love in its purest form so if like paige’s love for henry like outweighs her love for him he will pretend not to be crushed and move on like he will. he’s saying he’ll do anything in the name of love but really he’ll just do anything for paige.

and paige is like i think you should kiss henry again and coop laughs and he’s like don’t joke about that because complete candor i totally would he is... amazing

and paige is like yeah, i know, and i’m not joking and it kind of clicks for coop like !! polyromanticism!!

anyways. paige And coop go to p3 and henry’s there and sees paige And coop and he’s like uh oh oh no because if paige chose coop like he’s happy for them he really is except he’s also kind of not because then he kind of loses paige And coop and um. that’s kind of a two hit KO. but wait!! that is not the case! what’s this??

anyways. quirky hijinks of sorts when phoebe sees that paige came home with henry and she’s like damn. my plan failed. and the next morning piper’s like i see ur plan worked and phoebe’s like yeah no need to rub it in and piper’s like ??? dude paige totally hooked up with coop last night and phoebe’s like no?? that was the other guy that was henry

and piper’s like that was definitely coop?? and phoebe’s like piper not every tall man with dark hair looks the same and piper’s like no shit do you think i don’t know what coop looks like he practically lives here and phoebe’s like yeah that’s how i know the guy paige brought home w her was Not Coop and piper’s like do you need new glasses and phoebe’s like shut up i’m right and piper’s like no ur not!!

and later that day they’re like. all brewing a potion in the attic and like while we have you here...... did you hook up with henry or coop last night and phoebe’s like because piper thought it was coop when i very clearly saw henry and piper’s like yeah phoebe hasn’t been sleeping well lately i think she’s started seeing things so go ahead prove me right and paige is just laughing like okay so i guess i gotta introduce u guys to my 2 boyfriends

[rfamess]

This cured my boredom for a little bit. Was making a few new music playlists and thought.. hmm. I wonder what kind of music the RFA listens to? So, I made this. For no reason at all.

What Kind of Music the RFA + V/Saeran Listen To:

Saeyoung/707:

- (I always see people writing that he’d listen to all star or other cringe meme songs because that’s what seems to be his entire personality, but I like to think he has more substance than that and listens to songs that don’t have to do with memes.)

- He definitely listens to rap/hip-hop.

- Can you not imagine him driving down the road in his cars, windows down, music blasting?

- He listens to his music uber loud in his headphones while working.

- His favorite artist is probably Tyler the creator, i mean, how could you not love him.

- Listens to Mac Miller when he’s sad :(

PLAYLIST:

Who Dat Boy - Tyler the Creator

Stutter - Freddie Dredd

Evil Fantasy - Freddie Dredd

Sweatpants - Childish Gambino

Bounce - Logic

Dead Wrong - Notorious B.I.G.

Movement - Oliver Tree

Stick to Your Guns - Watsky

Both - Gucci Mane

No Sleep Till Brooklyn - Beastie Boys

Can I Kick It - A Tribe Called Quest

No Limit - G Easy

Circles - Mac Miller

Broke Bitch - TMG (lol)

Bonfire - Childish Gambino

I THINK - Tyler the Creator

Good News - Mac Miller

I - Kendrick Lamar

FACE - Brockhampton

King Kunta - Kendrick Lamar

Lovely Things Suite: Knots - Watsky

Zen:

- (Similar to Saeyoung, I don’t believe Zens entire personality revolves around musicals, he probably doesn’t listen to them that often imo.)

- I like to think he’s a... well rounded individual when it comes to music

- Listens to anything and everything.

- I could see him listening to the same music as Seven, but is also very into 70s-90s rock like the Red Hot Chili Peppers and the like.

- He runs listening to all of his music on shuffle and doesn’t have a specific playlist so there’s never a certain vibe to it— it really is all over the place.

- In addition to Seven’s playlist, here’s Zen’s

PLAYLIST:

Funny Face - Red Hot Chili Peppers

Santeria - Sublime

Badfish - Sublime

The Luck You Got - The High Strung

Dedicated to the One I Love - The Mamas and the Papas

Heart of Glass - Blondie

Come as You Are - Nirvana

Brown Eyed Girl - Van Morrison

Machu Picchu - The Strokes

Dirty Harry - Gorillaz

Love of Your Life - Red Hot Chili Peppers

The Adults Are Talking - The Strokes

Bailee - The Licks

Where is my Mind - Pixies

Hurt Like Mine - The Black Keys

Gap - The Kooks

Give it Away - Red Hot Chili Peppers

Take Me Out - Franz Ferdinand

Hoops - The Rubens

Conquest - The White Stripes

Ten Cent Pistol - The Black Keys

Yoosung:

- Yoosung likes more upbeat music, maybe more new age/alternative pop

- Listens to music every time he tries to study, but usually get distracted by it and starts to sing along instead of actually doing his work

- Is probably trying to branch out of his style, Seven and Zen try to convince him to listen to their favorite genres

- The three of them always argue about who has the best taste in music lol

- He’s constantly wondering if his music is “manly” enough (it’s okay yoosung it’s just music)

- If this dude gets drunk and hears any of this music he goes absolutely wild and dances all over the place

PLAYLIST:

Bambi - Hippocampus

Turn - the Wombats

Paris - Magic Man

Chronic Sunshine - Cosmo Pike

Death of a Bachelor - Panic! At the Disco

Silvertongue - Young the Giant

Brazil - Declan McKenna

Unbelievers - Vampire Weekend

Baseball - Hippocampus

Australia - The Shins

Prune, You Talk Funny - Gus Dapperton

Honeypie - JAWNY

Alien Boy - Oliver Tree

Satellite - Guster

So Young - Portugal. The Man

Blinding Lights - The Weeknd

Circles - Post Malone

Unbearably White - Vampire Weekend

Tiny Umbrella - Coast Modern

Way it Goes - Hippocampus

Electric Feel - MGMT

Jumin:

- this guy has 2 modes and that’s it: classical bitch or music that has words

- He appreciates the fine art of classical music and listens to it when he has work to get done or when he’s trying to relax.

- If he’s in a good mood he’ll put on a playlist that includes “music with actual lyrics!”

- It’s a dad playlist. Billy Joel, Billy Joel, Billy Joel, Elton John, The Beatles, Billy Joel.

- He likes Billy Joel. Jumin has a dad personality you can’t convince me otherwise lol

- He tried to branch out but can get very picky in his interests. “I don’t like this guitar riff— change it”

- Either way his 2 modes are apparent in his playlists

PLAYLIST:

Dreams - Fleetwood Mac

California Dreamin’ - The Mamas and the Papas

Don’t Ask Me Why - Billy Joel

Starman - David Bowie

Miss You - The Rolling Stones

Dancing in the Moonlight - King Harvest

Come and Get Your Love - Redbone

It’s Too Late - Carole King

Movin’ Out - Billy Joel

A Horse With No Name - America

I Want to Hold Your Hand - The Beatles

Honky Cat - Elton John

Vienna - Billy Joel

The Stranger - Billy Joel

Waltz in A Minor - Chopin

Hungarian Dance No. 5 in G Minor - Brahms

Waltz No. 7 in C Sharp Minor, Op. 64, No. 2 - Chopin

Souvenir de Paganini - Chopin

Solfeggietto in C Minor - Bach

Prelude in B Minor, Op. 32, No. 10 - Rachmaninoff

IV. Allegro Molto From Quartet - Yo-Yo Ma

La Fille Aux Cheveux de Lin - Debussy

Porz Goret - Yann Tiersen

Carnival of the Animals: VII. Aquarium - Camille Saint-Saëns

Carnival of the Animals: XIII. The Swan - Camille Saint-Saëns

Jaehee:

- We all know her obsession with Musicals (specifically zens)

- Other than this she listens to...well honestly I don’t know

- Her music doubles as something she can get hyped up with and something she can listen to to relax.

- She loves to dance, so a lot of her songs and just songs that she’ll never be able to refuse to move her feet to!

- She likes the old classics and then she likes Doja Cat. Lizzo? Queen.

- She’s a barb let’s be real please. you can never convince me that she’s not

PLAYLIST:

Adore You - Harry Styles

She - Harry Styles

Call Me - Blondie

Starships - Nicki Minaj

Hey Mickey - Toni Basil

Juice - Lizzo

Say So - Doja Cat

Voulez-Vous - ABBA

Waterloo - ABBA

Cuz I Love You - Lizzo

Killing Me Softly With His Song - Roberta Flack (LOL the memories associated with this song after Killing Stalking..... hahahaha BUT ITS STILL A GREAT SONG!)

Only - Nicki Minaj

Boss Bitch - Doja Cat

Go Your Own Way - Fleetwood Mac

Beez in the Trap - Nicki Minaj

Woman - Harry Styles

9 to 5 - Dolly Parton

Blame it on the Boogie - Michael Jackson

One Way or Another - Blondie

Tia Tamera - Doja Cat

Truth Hurts - Lizzo

V:

- indie boy indie boy indie boy indie boy

- Cmon just look at him he’s an indie boy

- If you’ve ever met a film student that gatekeeps music, they have the same exact taste but V won’t say shit to make you feel stupid. It’s just music bruv

- If you’ve ever been to an indie concert you know the fuckin dance you know what I’m talking about. he does that.

- Rolls a joint, pops the music off and he paints, does photography, whatever. Either way he straight vibes every single time the tunes come on.

- Low key thinks he has the best music taste. that’s just how dem indie kids roll let’s be real here.

- For some reason knows everything about every type of music. will spew facts about artists and songs at random

PLAYLIST:

Shuggie - Foxygen

Necessary Evil - Unknown Mortal Orchestra

Homage - Mild High Club

Another One - Mac DeMarco

Plants - Crumb

What Once Was - Her’s

Heart and My Car - Summer Salt

Cottage Roads - The Walters

Moonlight on the River - Mac DeMarco

Work This Time - King Gizzard and the Lizard Wizard

Like Yesterday - Paul Cherry

Call it Fate, Call it Karma - The Strokes

Knowhere - Nick DeLaurentis

Escargot Blues - Guantánamo Bay Surf Club

A Side / B Side - Tipling Rock

Dark Red - Steve Lacy

That I Miss You - Vansire

Top Tier Love - Lonely Benson

Driving to Hawaii - Summer Salt

Taking Up Space - Mustard Service

She’s the Only One - King Guru

Saeran:

- emo boy emo boy emo boy

- We all know it

- As much as I’d love to say he listens to heavy death metal, there’s a part of my mind saying NO he’s not like that.

- Well he is, but he’s got more than a few single interest

- Probably listens to Nirvana, Cage the Elephant, anything similar

- Is always trying to listen to new music

- Kind of sick of Seven blasting his music all the time and listens to the opposite of hip hop whenever possible

- Honestly enjoys all types of music, but sticks to his favorites

PLAYLIST:

- All Apologies - Nirvana

- Angel of Small Death and the Codeine Scene - Hozier

- Soma - The Strokes

- Black Madonna - Cage the Elephant

- Hysteria - Muse

- Why’d You Only Call Me When You’re High - Arctic Monkeys

- I Got Mine - The Black Keys

- Supermassive Black Hole - Muse

- Under the Bridge - Red Hot Chili Peppers

- Back Against the Wall - Cage the Elephant

- Creep - Radiohead

- Heart Shaped Box - Nirvana

- Demon Days - Gorillaz

- Bulls on Parade - Rage Against The Machine

- Matador - The Buttertones

- Holiday - Green Day

- RIP - The Licks

- London Calling - The Clash

- Loser - Beck

- What I Got - Sublime

[jyndor]

(Imperialism etc anon) Ok I get where you're coming from! Thank you for being understanding. While Zutara is obviously not inherently racist or anything there are zutara interpretations that *are* racist (example: fire lady katara which I can get into) and it does need to be acknowledged that Zuko's status as fire nation royalty does create a power imbalance between him and Katara. Now, this is a conversation that has a lot of nuance to it but it seems like the people harassing you are (1/2)

(2/2) just repeating some genuine critique they saw without understanding what it means just to say that they're right, harassing people in the process. I did not have that context when sending that first ask and I apologize, since anons harassing you and others are clearly doing it out of bad faith. I just didn't like the leveraging of concepts that really matter in real life (colonialism, etc), ykwim? But I get what you were trying to do.

hey anon I’m finally getting to you after 84 years XD

so first off, I want to be careful about how I approach this because I understand that as a white person (even if my ancestors experienced imperialism) in the US I absolutely benefit from imperialism and don’t want to like, idk, whitesplain XD so if anyone gets annoyed with any way I say anything, just lmk and I’ll rework it. and I also do understand that these are real world issues that are far more consequential than messaging in media (although I do think it’s very important that we challenge messages in media because of media’s influence on our thinking and politics).

but before I talk about zuko and his relationship to fire nation imperialism, and then later fire lady katara and why it isn’t INHERENTLY racist but definitely can be, I want to talk about the atla fandom and how we got here. like, why I assume that most anons who come at zutara shippers are asshats acting in bad faith. if you already know fandom history, skip this section.

1. atla and the fandom has always been kind of shitty and racist

so IDK if everyone is familiar with the history of the ship war in atla fandom, but it’s regarded as one of the nastiest ship wars in fandom history which I agree lol. atla’s creators were some of the first to interact with the fandom the way they did - back then it wasn’t all that common for creators to get into twitter feuds with fans and boundaries were respected more than they are now imo. but for better or worse, and it is a mixed bag, bryke interacted with fandom a lot. certainly at cons but also on social media.

but honestly things really got extra mean in fan spaces when bryke made a “joke” atla season 4 slideshow out of fan art (some of which was really sexual in nature and totally inappropriate) that mocked fans’ creations, but especially zutara fanart and zutara itself. it was pretty tasteless especially considering how most zutara fans were teen girls, and featured some art of sokka saying that if you think zuko and katara would be good together, you’re doomed to have failed relationships. that’s where the whole “dark and mysterious” bs came from, which does describe some zutara fic but not even most of it lol. I actually do respect bryke a lot despite my criticism of them, but I don’t think I’ll ever get over that shit. like even if you hate zutara, even if it’s a joke, we were kids. and they were adults, and the whole thing was nasty.

however, the ship war was chaotic and messy, but it does feel worse now. maybe it’s because back then the fandom was MOSTLY teens and kids, and I don’t think that’s true now. we were all trying to prove our ship was best with like, content from the show and theories and all that, and now it’s like... whose ship is ~problematic lol it’s a show by white us americans appropriating from various cultures impacted negatively by us/british imperialism that they then profited off of, of course it’s racist. that doesn’t mean we shouldn’t talk about that, and in fact many poc have been saying this shit for years - that atla is racist and colorist at many times (guru pathik anyone?) and no one really listened.

if fans are complaining only about zutara, then I’m automatically writing them off as being insincere or ignorant. and since most of these people are anonymous, I have no idea if they are having substantive discourse about colorism in avatar or cultural appropriation (even if it is mostly appreciative). if you are on anon, I have no context about what you actually think except for what you give me. and that definitely is how I view anons in general but especially within the atla fandom because for all 13-ish years I’ve been in it, it’s been messy. that’s why zutara fans have isolated ourselves from the rest of fandom, because the rest of fandom has been really nasty to us. like did we give back some nastiness? absolutely.

but I would hazard a guess that most anti-zutara shippers don’t know about the conversations we have had in this community to make it safer for people of color, conversations that centered poc and woc especially. hey, that’s okay - not to compare zutara to r*ylo because eurgh but like, idk what discourse the r*ylos have about their community. no idea, I don’t go looking for it. and I don’t go to the tags and harass r*ylos - even though they harass the fuck out of everyone else.

2. so zuko and his privilege

undoubtedly zuko as fire lord is in a fairly privileged position LMFAO. but during the show zuko is very clearly exiled - he holds very little political power in the fire nation EXCEPT for during the first season when he is in command of a ship that ozai gave him on a punishment quest lol like yeah he does terrible things and he of all people would not excuse his actions even if he was a traumatized kid, that’s the point of his arc - that he got some exposure to the rest of the world and worked to be better. and the only reason he was exiled at all was because he cares about people - he didn’t question fire nation supremacy at 13, but he sure did question the morality of his people being lead to slaughter.

but after zuko and iroh defect from the fire nation and stop hunting aang, he has next to no power, in any kind of way. like the guy is a political refugee. and yes, he goes back to the fire nation for like five minutes before realizing that he hates everything about fire nation hegemony and that he wants to end his father’s reign of terror, like that isn’t exactly someone who is going to be well esteemed by the powerful elites when he returns and takes the throne.

and I disregard the comics because they suck lol but zuko does have power as the fire lord, but he limits his power. like compared to ozai, phoenix asshole? azula? for the rest of the world, zuko is kind of an ideal leader for a former colonizing/imperialistic nation to have - someone who worked to end that tyranny, who is anti-imperialist, who believes in justice and equality, who wants to make things right for the peoples who his family oppressed.

I do think it is important to talk about power dynamics and imbalances in relationships - for instance, one could argue that mai is at a significant disadvantage in her relationship with zuko. sure she is from a powerful family but not as powerful as zuko’s. sokka? hah forget it. he’s just as disadvantaged as katara is politically speaking. toph? well, she’s definitely not as powerful politically as zuko - her family tried to silence her for years because of her disability. and oh, she’s disabled so it might be ableist for zuko to strike up a relationship with her when they’re both adults. forgetting of course that toph and sokka and katara and suki and mai are not going to be shy about their wants and needs, that these relationships are not likely to be coercive by nature of the show they’re in and the characters they involve. this is not bill clinton with monica creepiness. like, you’d have to write the relationship that way.

the only person who arguably has more political power than zuko is aang. I guess zuko can’t ever be in a relationship with anyone other than aang. and zuko’s family massacred aang’s people so I guess we can’t ship zukaang. now I know you’re not saying that, context matters. power dynamics are important. but you can’t take away the agency of characters - katara, who is essentially a princess, has agency and can choose who she wants to be with. strictly speaking, aang is more powerful than anyone in terms of political power - he’s the avatar - and of course the dynamic is different by nature of aang not being from a line of oppressors, but there still is a power imbalance in their relationship. and I don’t know how many k/ataang shippers have discourse~ on that. not that I really feel like they NEED to, um idk what they talk about lol I’m not in those circles.

3. fire lady katara is in the eye of the beholder

so fire lady katara is not inherently bad or racist, it’s essentially like saying michelle obama shouldn’t have been first lady of the us (now I get that like the obamas being in power didn’t mean black people are not marginalized lol). you can have conversations about whether or not individual versions of fire lady katara are fucked up, and I’m superrrr open to that because I’ve seen it be kinda shitty before. i’m just gonna leave this link to @shewhotellsstories and her post on this.

but often times katara as fire lady is very dominant in global/fire nation/water tribe politics, she’s a game changer ambassador (that is probably the most popular headcanon I see), she holds on to her culture (and many fans have designed her being in her wt colors, zuko is respectful af to her, she and zuko spend extended periods in the swt, etc. like... it just depends on the way it’s written.

also leaving this response by @avatarnerdkiller to the idea of katara being a prize figurehead.

anyway, thanks for your patience anon and I am curious to see if you see this or even feel like responding after all this time XD

[halfgclden]

EPISODE 32: A MAJOR OCCURANCE

The sound of spooky intro music plays and fades out. As the microphone clicks on, faint sounds of water and traffic can be heard in the background.

JADE: Hello cryptwizzlers, cryptrackers, but never cryptormentors because we’re all friends here. Welcome to a very special episode of Cryptwins in which we are not actually researching a cryptid. But! Before you shut this off and call us hacks, we are instead researching the recent disappearance of social media fitness guru; Edison Major.

More spooky music plays. There is also the sound of fingers tapping a rhythm. It's typical Joel, unable to contain his energy as he taps the dashboard in time with their intro music.

JOEL: Weeeeeeeell...Maybe we are hacks. —a pause as he laughs— Nah, just kidding. This is the real deal. I'm not sure you're ready for this. This is some spooky, and excuse my French, spooky shit. Tell us more about this Major disappearance? —another laugh— Get it?

JADE: [A short laugh-sigh is let out at Joel’s joke.] Okay, before we begin, two things. One, get ready for the barrage of major and minor jokes, courtesy of Joel here.

JOEL: Got a whole list, be ready! He lets Jade finish, but listeners can still hear the tapping sound while she speaks.

JADE: Secondly, we’re still on the road here, so if the audio is bad or choppy... deal with it? —another small laugh— Anyyyyway. Spooky is right. This all began in September of last year, when @majored posted a picture of himself in a dark basement wearing a weird costume and then immediately went off the grid. And, you know, I’m all for a social media cleanse, people do it all the time. Buuut, what really brought this to our attention was a month later, on Halloween Eve of all nights, when a video popped up of him getting his ass kicked by someone in a Kakashi Hatake costume.

JOEL: Now, I know y'all are asking yourselves "Isn't he a fitness guru? Why was some weeb kickin' his ass?" And to that I say hey! Some weebs are strong, some are Super Saiyan, and others are Kakashi Hatake, the most talented ninja in Konohagukure.

JADE: lets out a laughing wheeze.

JOEL: We don't endorse fighting here. But I digress —a laugh— back on topic. So this guy just up and disappears out of nowhere? And there's not a peep of him until we see Kakashi givin’ him the business. What does this all mean?

JADE: Okay, so, let’s get the full story. @majored goes off the grid, comes back to get his ass kicked by a Naruto character, disappears again, comes back to spit on someone and call them a see you next Tuesday, and then disappears again. And he hasn’t come back online. So what’s up with that? Well... we did a little digging.

Another spooky noise plays over the sound of Jade organizing a stack of papers.

JOEL: Daaaaaaang. I’d say those are some fightin' words, especially from someone who keeps pulling a vanishing act, don’t ya think?

JADE: They really are! I mean, he is from New Zealand, but even so, I think you don’t use that word unless you want to attract some attention. -She clicks her tongue as she gets back on topic- The video was originally posted the night before Halloween of last year, by @ime.are on Twitter. Obviously they got a lot of hate and questions after posting this, but all of them were left unanswered. The only person in the video that was tagged was Major, but upon further examination, this Ime seems to follow and have pictures with someone who happened to be dressed as Kakashi that same night, which has led many to speculate that these ninjas are the same person.

JOEL: So we all know Halloween's a spooooky season. Perfect for parties and all that jazz. But all those costumes make it a perfect time for disguises. Was that even the real Major? Was the person who spit the real Major? Who is this Ime and how do they fit into the story? And who— a pause for dramatic effect and muffled laughter as he tries to stay serious— is this mystery ninja? Tell us more!

JADE: Alright, alright. So this mystery ninja goes by Abel, or @_kllledbycain on the Gram. At first glance, they look pretty much like every other TikTok e-boy; black and white photos, pet snake, the insinuation that they’re dead, whole nine yards.

JOEL: snorts when Jade announces their handle, and again at her eboy comment, wheezing. It's true, it's true!

JADE: And this stuff is so common right now, so nothing really raises any eyebrows, right? Right? Well, tell me, why would a Tik Tok goth go around beating the crap out of a random influencer? Stay tuned for the theory. First, we’re gonna take a step back and look at the whole situation, because, of course, it doesn’t end there.

JOEL: Ohhhh snap! I'm on the edge of my seat, and I bet our listeners are too.

JADE: [clears her throat] So if we go back to the original poster of the video, @ime.are, and we take a look at their Insta, who is on it but... @devinitely? Okay, so @devinitely is in the same place as @majored, clearly, and, for anyone that doesn’t know, she’s been doing a bunch of collabs with @loganvance. This places not one, not two, but three influencers all together in this place where weebs are running around assaulting people.

JOEL: Okay. Okay, I need to know! Where are they? What's bringing all these influencers together? Are @devinitely and @loganvance part of something much more sinister than it seems? [He makes a funny face at Jade and wiggles his fingers, before dropping his voice to a stage-whisper.] Is it some kind of twisted influencer cult?

JADE: Shhhh, Joel, spoilers.

JOEL: [He laughs.] Sorry, sorry!

JADE: [muffled laughter over the sound of more papers rustling.] So, any skeptics out there might say, oh, well, this Ime Are is just a lucky person who happens to be in the presence of more than one social media personality. However, Devin follows the weeb that may or may not have kicked Major's ass. And, according to a cast photo of Rocky Horror, on her boyfriend's Instagram, both the weeb in question and the hot man that tore the two apart were part of the cast. This would be a great time to mention that a link to the video is in the description, as are all the pictures from social media that I'm referencing.

JOEL: [to Jade but loud enough for the mic to pick it up at regular volume] Oh snap, you got everything together in a link? Like, I could click the link to check it out right now? — A pause as he does just that.— Woah, cryptwizzlers, she's not kidding. Click the link in bio, you won't be disappointed. Okay, Jade...hear me out. Given that it was Halloween, the night of nights. Do you think that...maybe it was all an elaborate event? Was it staged? Is any of this real?

JADE: Oh, my dear brother, always the skeptic. Don’t you think that it’s a bit much for him to stop posting entirely in order to get publicity? And we mustn’t forget the spitting on someone in South Dakota, that’s not exactly his brand. Unless he’s trying out something like Taylor Swift and Reputation but... I digress. No, I don’t think any of this is staged, and I’ll tell you why. Let’s go back to the weird cow print basement post. You know who also happened to post something about some cowboy party? Oh, um, Devin’s boyfriend? A picture of him, Devin, and Logan? Which... puts them and Major in the same place on the night that he disappeared.

JOEL: Not a skeptic! Just trying to get all these questions answered. —A laugh— You're right, that's 180 from the online presence he used to have. All theories aside, —a pause— I'd love to go to a cowboy party. Get me a glow-in-the-dark cowboy hat. You know they make 'em. —He laughs again, mouthing 'what?' to Jade.—

JADE: Oh, def. We're getting matching hats. Check out our merch in a few weeks —she laughs— Glow in the dark mothman themed cowboy hats, talk about a niche.

JOEL: Snap, we have to do that now, 'cause I want one real bad. But okay, back on track. This cowboy party. The origin of this theory, yeah? Oh snap...what were those three doing in the same place as Major? And all in cow print too? That's....majorly suspicious! [He trails off into laughter, his voice doing that wheezy thing when someone's trying to finish their sentence before cracking up. Recovering, he adds the following.] Wait, wait, wait. What about—

JADE: Yes, yes, yes. —she cuts Joel off as though he's finished his sentence, chuckling at his joke— Patience, my dear twin, we will get there. —the smile is evident in her voice—

JOEL: I feel like somehow, I ended up as your Padawan for this episode. — he laughs—

JADE: You heard it here, I'm absolutely schooling Joel this episode. — she laughs— First, we're going to backtrack all the way to the original poster again. You know we snooped their whole page, and they're pretty regularly posting pictures with this person, @rengaaay, who isn't an influencer but she makes some of those sick ass roller skating videos... this isn't sus, just cool, link in the description. —a slight pause as she tries to get back to her train of thought— Anyway, what is sus is that she tags two people in her photos all the time... But no joke guys check out their Insta profiles they look different in like every other picture. Which, uh, could just be editing but also could be something.... more sinister? Hold onto that thought.

JOEL: That's such a good handle, dang! Better than @lumberjoel, honestly. I have to say I'm jelly. We should get branded rollerskates, maybe @rengaaay can advertise for us if we ship them. JK...unless? —more laughter as he waits for Jade to get back on the train and pulls up the profiles in question to take a look for himself— Huh...is it editing? Are they masters of disguise? Makeup professionals? —He starts to say something else but is pretty sure he's figured out where Jade's going with this.— What could be more sinister than human chameleons?

JADE: [The sound of papers shuffling can be heard] Oh, yeah, so, it's weird but I think every time the siblings are in a pic together they look more like each other? I dunno if this really makes sense but seriously dudes check the post with this episode because it has a bunch of photos side by side and... yeah. You pull a photo of them by themself and it's like okay, I know what this dude looks like and then you put them side by side and... I dunno, makeup? Contacts? Cloning, mayhaps? And, just so that I'm not just holding on to one thing too much... check their post from August 12th, linked below. Their brother... doesn't have a shadow. Why would you edit that out of a photo? No way are they going that hard to be memelords.

JOEL: Okay, let me look at this. Wha— That's weird as hell. How much hair dye do these two use? Hm. Could be clones? —snaps his fingers—Definitely clones. —he snorts loudly, laughing before clearing his throat— Ahem, uh. No shadow? That's dedication! I dunno, maybe it's some new challenge for the 'gram. Oh...but wait. I found a video. Look, Jade. No shadow. In a video. What the—

JADE: A video, guys. —A moment of muffled laughter before her mic cuts out, but the sound of it clicking on again is followed almost immediately— This is a big family, guys, and a big weird one because their other brother @sleepyfinch... Okay, wait, he himself is pretty normal, super cute, shout out, but guys, ghouls, you know who he has tagged in a recent post? Yet another influencer. Except this one is from Italy? @gaborealis; essentially, he’s a medium, so if you didn’t believe that the supernatural were at play beforehand... buckle up.

JOEL: Wait, wait, I'm still on the video thing. Who has time to edit a video? —his voice cracks when he says video and he covers his laughter as he focuses—

JADE: [wheezing] Shut up —there is no malice in her voice, and she’s laughing too.—

JOEL: So weird, I love it. Oh snap— the @gaborealis? It's time to get ghosty! —echoes "ghosty" and hums the Cha Cha Slide tune for a couple seconds— Okay, so wait. Does this mean everyone's favorite medium is also in the same place as...three? Three other influencers and this weird family of....maybe shapeshifters? No? Too crazy a theory?

JADE: You know what they say, cryptoddlers; no theory is too crazy. Everything Einstein came up with? Theory.

JOEL: Bringing Einstein into it, huh?

JADE: Oh you know it. —a snort— Anyway, according to Devin’s boyfriend’s Instagram, it doesn’t end there. @spencerkeahi, a youtuber and disability rights advocate who comes from Hawaii is also there with that gaggle. Shout out to @elidrising for tagging people and location. So what are these influencers from all corners of the globe gathering together for? Well, let’s take a look at the original poster again. You go on their Twitter, and a few months back it’s all just videos of people... fighting? In some sort of underground place. Mayhaps... the same creepy basement that Major posted his last photo? —a small gasp, as though she’s surprised by this— No, that must be a coincidence... or is it?

Another spooky sound plays

JOEL: @elidrising is the man, dang! Are you tellin' me there's a...—he lowers his voice to a whisper— secret influencers-only Fight Club? I wouldn't put it past @devinitely TBH. Honestly, I'd join one...even though I guess I've broken the first rule but talking about it, huh? Actually— Jay, do you think we'd even be allowed to join? Are podcasters influencers? Poll in my story right now, let us know what y'all think.

JADE: Right now? Joel, this isn’t going up for another week, at least. —She’s obviously trying to sound less amused than she’s coming off— Once we get the blue check we’re influencers, so we’ve got a few million followers to go, I think.

JOEL: Yeah, right now! They'll hear that when the episode goes up and respond in real ti— Oh, no. You're right. Oops. No poll in my story, y'all. False alarm. Blue check, huh? You heard it here, cryptwizzlers, we're gonna get that blue check. Tell your friends, tell your family. Heck, tell that cute barista at your coffee shop to listen to our podcast! We might just do a giveaway when we get that lil' blue swoosh.

JADE: [clears her throat.] You know what’s a great way to get us that blue check, though?

A different, light sort of spooky music begins playing in the background, meaning that it’s time for the ad break

JOEL: Take it away!

JADE: Checking out a little app called Creature Comforts. Alright guys, not that this show isn’t one hundred percent real as it is, but for real, I love this app. A dating sim that features everyone’s favorite... for lack of a better term, monsters. Did you watch the Shape of Water and go, “Damn, I’d tap that”? Do you want to snuggle with a Sasquatch? Do you just wish you could find yourself a GF with more eyes? Well, have we got the app for you. Creature Comforts lets you do all this and more. A choose-your-own-adventure game where you can smooch beasts, marry Mothman, and ignore the outside world. It’s seriously all I want. And, if you enter the code cryptwins— that’s the name of the podcast you’re listening to, no capital letters, when you download the app, then it’s only 99 cents to play without ads. Which, trust me ghouls, is worth it. I don’t want anything interrupting my cut scene with the most stunning eyes in West Virginia.

JOEL: Don't forget that scuba diving date with Nessie! Or, or...that half-day hike with Bigfoot. —he's laughing again smh— There's a reason Jade does the ad reads and not me. But, I can tell you that Mothman is sure to sweep you off your feet. And it's not just because he can fly.

JADE: It’s the —a pause for finger snapping— alliteration for me. But that’s Creature Comforts, exactly how you think you’d spell it, don’t ask us ‘cause we’re dyslexic, and cryptwins, like the name of this podcast. Tweet us @cryptwins to let us know how far along you are, who you’re pursuing, and what mysteries you unlock about their backstories. Now... I think it’s time for a timeline, just to get us sorted out, what do you think, Joel?

JOEL: Personally, I'm still tryin' to land a date with the Creature from the Black Lagoon. I guess we'll see what happens. Aw heck yeah! Give us a timeline, give us the dirt. — a laugh — Give the people what they want!

JADE: Okay — the shuffling of paper is heard once more — We start in September: @majored goes off the grid after posting a creepy picture of himself in a weird outfit in a spooky basement. This is around the same time that the Scarlet Surfer was in NYC for fashion week, which @majored accompanied him to, meaning that it isn’t entirely out of the question for him to still be in New York. Also on social media at this time is @devinitely and @loganvance also both is cowboy outfits, though the creepy basement is absent from both of them.

JOEL: I guess September isn't too early for weird Halloween stuff to start? What with the spooky basement and everything. Right? And everyone loves a cowboy moment— or have cowboys become the new clown? I heard there was a clown renaissance and people like them now? I don't really know where we stand on the whole clown— what?

JADE: I see our next hot debate. Cowboys: Hot or not? Personally, I liked cow print, but I can see cowboys going out soon. Once they reach killer clown status is when it’ll be ideal for me.

JOEL: Personally, I vote hot. And uhhh, not to kinkshame you Jay, but killer clowns are a no from me.

JADE: [tsks] Kinkshamed, by my own brother no less.

JOEL: [a loud laugh] You know I'm just kidding. No kinkshaking, ya heard? I'd literally let the Jersey Devil step on me so. To each their own.

JADE: [snorting] Um, gross.

JADE: Now to October: There is a production of Rocky Horror, a cast photo is uploaded to @elidrising, the account of @devinitely’s boyfriend. This places not only @devinitely and @loganvance in Montauk, but it also places @crispyboiz and @_kllledbycain in Montauk too. These are two of the people that are suspected to belong in the video by @ime.are, in which (suspected) @_kllledbycain, dressed as Kakashi Hatake attacked @majored, only to be torn apart by good citizen @crispyboiz. This video is the first that we’ve seen of @majored since his last post, and he offers nothing in response to it.

JOEL: Okay. Okay. Now, you know I love a good shadow-cast of Rocky Horror. I've always wanted to play Frank. I would rock that part. Am I wrong? —he laughs— But okay, that's - count 'em - three influencers in one place? If @elidrising is there, we can assume @devinitely is too because she was in the same location as, uh, whatshername? Logan? And that's the same location as @ime.are. Who took the video of  Kakashi kicking @majored's ass. @_kllledbycain— more like killedbyKakashi, eh? Seriously why are all these people together?

JOEL: [as an afterthought] It's gotta be a cult.

JADE: November to December: Nothing happens with @majored, @ime.are also offers nothing except for quote unquote “#teamkakashi”, which is funny because they never tagged Kakashi, but anyways. Upon deeper inspection, there are videos on their Twitter from last May, of people in a fighting ring. And then people fighting on a lake? But the fighting ring looks super dangerous and I dunno, like you said, cult-y? Fight-club-y? Call it what you will. In any case, we are led to believe that this fighting has been going on for some time in the background.

JOEL: Okay, come on. That’s definitely a cult. I’ve seen the movie, can confirm. — he groans— Literally what is an Italian astrologer doing there? Wait, wait, wait. Montauk? You said Montauk. Montauk, as in on Long Island. As in like —he drops his voice to a stage-whisper— the part of Long Island that peeps believe to be the site of a government cover-up involving kidnapping, mind control, and time travel? The part that inspired Stranger Things? That Montauk? Snap. I can’t believe I didn’t put two and two together sooner. Jade, Jade. What if this is, I don’t know, like, MKUltra 2.0?

JADE: Yes, yes that Montauk, I’m glad you picked up on that. Look, I’m not saying that it’s an influencer’s-only thing, but I am saying that some might be in the area, and maybe involved. At the same time throughout all of this, we have a culmination of more influencers seeming to know this network of people. @gaborealis, an Italian astrologer, is seen in pictures of @sleepyfinch, who was also in the production of Rocky Horror, and has pictures with @crispyboiz and, god, this name is a freaking nightmare, @_kllledbycain. Not to mention this guy has many pictures of weird… family members? Who sometimes look alike? Okay, but seriously, @kodakola and @sonofpeter, how is your hair not straw at this point? Is it wigs? I think my hair would simply fall out. And y’all using Insta filters or what, cause… I’m not gonna get into it, let’s keep going.

JOEL: Maybe they're makeup vloggers or something. Gotta change up the look for views, right? Don't forget to like, comment, subscribe and uhhhh, smash that follow button— or whatever YouTubers say. —he laughs— Okay but seriously, yeah. @sonofpeter, @kodakola, whatever you two are doing to your hair, let me know because I'm trying to bleach my hair and dye it bright purple without it falling out. And since we're doing it at our next stop, well, your advice will probably be too late. But still, what are your secrets? Is it...clones?

JADE: Joel! —she’s laughing again.— Timeline and then theories. —she clears her throat— After that long silence, a Tweet emerges. January 8th. "Can’t believe @majored SPAT on me and called me a C-Blank-Blank-T when he checked into @SDFamilyMotel last night”. This places Major across the country from where we believed him to be, but acting so strangely that one must wonder… was that really him? Or was it someone that just looked like him? Or was it a cry for help? Nothing’s been heard since from @majored, which I guess… leads us to our theories. —a pause— You were saying… clones, Joel?

JOEL: Sheeeeesh, this is not @majored's year. I gotta say, this sounds totally different from the vibe that this guy used to put out on his social media. Obviously Instagram is fake blah blah blah, you know the spiel, but like. Damn. He spit on them? —a pause as he considers what his sibling has said— You know....I think that's a really good point. Was that even the real him? Will the real Ed Major please stand up?

JADE: I know. It just seems out of character, and terrible for a reputation, but it also would make sense if... One, this is a fake @majored, meant to stir up controversy before he goes underground again. And with an action like spitting on someone and calling them a name like that? Who cares what the dude does after that? Unfollowed, cancelled, whatever. And why would this guy want to go underground, well, I'm glad you're so interested. Well, the official Cryptwins theory is that maybe... just maybe, the crazy, government cover-up Montauk that we all know and love isn't that far from truth. We see that they have means of covering up shadows —she lets out a laugh— and people whose faces just change? And who else is there, @spencerkeahi, someone who explains rehabilitation, maybe someone who has experience helping people get used to being a clone? @ime.are, a nurse who enjoys taking videos of people fighting? It all adds up, people!

JOEL: Yeah, seriously. With the real @majored MIA, there would be no one to combat the backlash from this supposed...clone? Imposter? And maybe that’s what they want. Looks like Montauk isn’t the ideal vacation spot anymore, huh? Even if their seaside cabins are super chill and homey. But I digress. Something sinister is going on. Something bigger than we can even imagine. A secret underground facility that’s...cloning influencers? Training them? Your guess is as good as mine. And that’s why we’re on this road trip, isn’t that right Jade? To get some answers?

JADE: Exactly. —it sounds as though she is holding back a laugh or a cough.— Cross country roadtrip in which we explore different topics like this one, and on the way, we'll document our progress and any spooky encounters. Check out our insta, @cryptwins to get all the updates, and consider hitting us up on Patreon if you want us to be able to afford the gas to get all the way to the east coast.

JOEL: I’ll be posting behind the scenes content in the “ROADTRIP” highlight on my Insta throughout the trip so be sure to check my stories. You might get lucky and find some special codes for Creature Comforts but, hey. You didn’t hear it from me. -he laughs and there’s the distinct sound of a bag of chips being opened- What Jade meant to say is gas and snack money. So yeah, go go go! Check out the Patreon! We might even do a giveaway at the end of our trip, get you guys some cool souvenirs we pick up on our travels. Not a bad idea, eh?

JADE: Joel, my ears are literally bleeding right now. Thanks. Anyway, our second theory will also be exclusive to our Patrons, so be sure to get the full video there. Cryptwins... out...

Her voice fades out and the music from the beginning fades in, takes over, and plays until the end of the track.

[aion-rsa]

How Tina Turner and Frank Zappa Whipped Up Some Dirty Love

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Tina Turner joins the Rock & Roll Hall of Fame Class of 2021 in Cleveland this October, along with Jay-Z, Gil Scott-Heron, Todd Rundgren, Carole King, Foo Fighters, and The Go-Gos. Tina is already an honoree as a member of Ike and Tina Turner, and she is also once again distinguishing herself from the group. Even before she went solo, Turner had star billing, such as her turn as the Acid Queen in Ken Russell’s film adaptation of The Who’s Tommy.  But Tina had to skip the credits for her work with Frank Zappa, who was posthumously inducted into the Rock Hall in 1995.

Turner recently made a gracious exit from the stage in HBO’s feature documentary Tina. She is also highlighted in Apple TV+’s upcoming 1971: The Year That Music Changed Everything. This was the year Ike and Tina’s cover of Creedence Clearwater Revival’s “Proud Mary” hit No. 4 on Billboard’s Hot 100, becoming their biggest hit. Tina had already established herself as the draw of the musical couple when they signed to Phil Spector’s Philles label. The legendary producer paid extra to highlight Tina’s dynamic range on the single “River Deep – Mountain High,” which was released in May 1966.

Both documentaries skip one of Tina’s artistic highlights. 

Ike and Tina Turner opened the Bolic Sound studios complex at 1310 N La Brea Avenue in Inglewood, California, in 1970. It boasted incomparable state-of-the-art audio equipment for the time. “Bolic was one of the greatest studios I’ve ever seen,” Little Richard wrote in his introduction to Ike Turner’s 1999 autobiography Takin’ Back My Name. “He had everything in this studio. He had his own booking agency, and he was showing people how to produce.” Paul McCartney, George Harrison, and Duane Allman recorded at Bolic Sound.

Frank Zappa recorded and produced two of his most recognizable albums at the studio: his ironically titled 17th album Over-Nite Sensation, which came out in 1973, and Apostrophe from 1974. Zappa was at the forefront of the avant-garde musical movement at the time. During his sessions, Ike and Tina Turner and the Ikettes were recording in the same studio complex. Zappa took advantage of the proximity to expand on his sonic landscape.

“I wanted to put some back-up singers on the thing, and the road manager who was with us at the time checked into it and said, ‘well, why don’t you just use the Ikettes?’ I said, ‘I can get the Ikettes?’ and he said ‘Sure,’” Zappa is quoted as saying in Barry Miles’ 1993 book, Zappa: A Biography.

The vocal trio The Ikettes were already iconic. They were one of the first recognized “Girl Groups” in rock and roll history. The ensemble was formed as the backing group of Art Lassiter and were originally called The Artettes. Ike saw the success Ray Charles had with his backing vocal trio The Raelettes. The original Ikettes included Robbie Montgomery, Venetta Fields and Jessie Smith. They became the Ikettes after Ike and Tina Turner’s first single “Fool In Love” became a hit in 1960, and the Ike and Tina Turner Revue wanted to play it live. Onstage, The Ikettes pushed soul music dance choreography into the stratosphere.

For Over-Nite Sensation, Tina Turner, Linda Sims, and Debbie Wilson appear on the songs “I’m The Slime,” “Dirty Love,” “Zomby Woof,” “Dinah-Moe Humm,” and “Montana.” You can hear them on Apostrophe on the songs “Cosmik Debris” and “Uncle Remus.”

Ike agreed to rent out his signature sounding vocal stylists while still stamping the project with his authority. “But you know what the gimmick was? We had to agree, Ike Turner insisted, that we pay these girls no more than $25 per song, because that’s what he paid them,” Frank says in Miles’ book. “And no matter how many hours it took, I could not pay them any more than $25 per song per girl, including Tina.”

That turns out to be a bit of an exaggeration. The singers were actually paid $25 per hour, according to the session’s invoice, which shows they got $187.50 each for 7 1/2 hours of service. But the singers worked for that money. The song “Montana” not only has constantly evolving time signatures, but also passages which change of speeds. The middle section is especially challenging. Besides the time changes, the harmonic progressions and the way they play against the bass counterpoint is unusual for rock, and challenging to perform.

“It was so difficult, that one part in the middle of the song ‘Montana,’ that the three girls rehearsed it for a couple of days,” Zappa recounted. “Just that one section. You know the part that goes ‘I’m pluckin’ the ol’ dennil floss’? Right in the middle there. I can’t remember her name, but one of the harmony singers, she got it first. She came out and sang her part and the other girls had to follow her track. Tina was so pleased that she was able to sing this thing that she went into the next studio where Ike was working and dragged him into the studio to hear the result of her labor. He listened to the tape and he goes, ‘What is this shit?’ and walked out.”

After hearing some of the recordings, Ike Turner insisted the Ikettes not be credited on the released albums. According to CD reissues, it appears he did not approve of the content. “Dirty Love” and “Dinah-Moe Humm” were among the most overtly sexual songs in Zappa’s catalog. These two songs may be the reason Ike wouldn’t sign off on letting his singing stable put their name on the record sleeves.

Of the other songs, “Zomby Woof” takes a bite out of lycanthropic fare, while “Cosmic Debris” turns the tables on a spiritual guru. “I’m The Slime” is about the brainwashing of everyday television. “Uncle Remus,” which takes its name from Joel Chandler Harris’ Br’er Rabbit stories, is an indictment on the then-current state of the civil rights movement compared with the time of Zappa’s 1966 song “Trouble Every Day.” That song looked at the Watts riots when Black folks were burning down buildings as well as the old status quo. In “Uncle Remus,” the most damage being done is “knocking the little jockeys off the rich people’s lawns.”

Ikettes Linda Sims and Debbie Wilson also recorded “Cheepnis,” Zappa’s classic ode to B-movies at Bolic Sound studio on December 12, 1973. This song was the “elsewhere” on the otherwise live album Roxy & Elsewhere (1974). The rest of the album was recorded at The Roxy Theatre.

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You can see that exceedingly fun footage here at The World of Ike & Tina YouTube Channel:

Both the Tina documentary and 1971: The Year That Music Changed Everything include segments covering the wounds Turner suffered as an artist, married to her boss, at the dawn of any kind of gender equality. The oppression she suffered under Ike’s tyrannical reign did not escape Zappa’s eye.

“I don’t know how she managed to stick with that guy for so long,” Zappa said in the Miles book. “He treated her terribly and she’s a really nice lady. We were recording down there on a Sunday. She wasn’t involved with the session, but she came in on Sunday with a whole pot of stew that she brought for everyone working in the studio. Like out of nowhere, here’s Tina Turner coming in with a rag on her head bringing a pot of stew. It was really nice.”

1971: The Year That Music Changed Everything premieres May 21 on Apple TV+.

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