#long as fuck so it sunder a read more

[wordslikesilver]

I swear I’m almost done being mentally ill about Elden Ring I promise but I never see anyone talk about Morgott’s heart wrenching death scene. It’s never overtly pointed out but please imagine the progression of events from his perspective. Lying on his back, staring up at the sky, defeated. He’s one of the ONLY bosses that leaves behind a corpse and it’s heart wrenching okay, it’s OBLITERATING. Because he’s lying there withered and broken, staring up at the golden boughs of the one thing in the world he loved, not the golden order, not the greater will, he loved the Erdtree and dedicated his ENTIRE life to it even though it never loved him back because not even a man as scorned as Morgott could live without love and the love was to keep his heart still beating in his chest when he felt most like a monster. He has spent his entire life keeping this crumbling kingdom together. For his mother, who hid him away so the world wouldn’t hurt him, for his father, the man who taught him how to bear the weight of a crown and stand taller than the ignoble origins you come from. And he was so alone. The only constant in his life being that golden tree that shone down into the sewers. He is the last of all kings. The horns about his brow weighed heavier than his crown.

And then the tree was burning. Lying broken on the ground, unable to truly die, his curse expelled from his body, he could only look up and watch the only thing he loved with all his heart burn down around him. The ashes falling like snow on his face. Can you imagine the heat? The resignation? The misery and the promise that if there’s ever a next time, he’ll do better, and if there isn’t then this shall be his final legacy and he’ll just have to accept that final truth before he dies. The self hatred washing over him and passing into quiet peace as he chooses to pass away together with it. Omens do not get reincarnated by the Erdtree. Loved and blessed by the crucible of life, they are not loved the same as all the rest of us. But that’s okay. For Morgott, that was okay. He would live nobly and die with honour in its service and that would be enough. He’d spend the last moments of his life bathed in the warm ashes of orange and grey, content that even if he never felt loved by anyone at all after being cursed and shunned all his life, he did his duty as best he could and finally repaid the debt he felt towards the tree that showed him the light for so many long, lonely years.

And then, then it makes me so fucking miserable because then a pair of gentle, scarred and terribly rough hands lift him up from the ground and cradle him with all the tenderness in the world. The roar of a lion salutes his passing, honouring him, mourning him. “It’s been a long time, Morgott.” No anger, no disappointment. Simply, sadness, that he could not see you sooner. Godfrey, his father, returned at last to hold him one final time as he passes away, the rune of death now unbound and finding its way to Morgott after all this time. His last memory would be of being held by his father, loved for all that he is in the ashes of all that he dedicated his life to. His body fades, his entire world upheaved one final time, and an easily missed detail in the cutscene is that Morgott’s body becomes a Grace that points towards you, the player, to guide his father to his next step along the path of Lordship. One final time, Godfrey is guided by the unyielding love he feels for one of his children. Fuck it makes me so miserable. How do write something so tragic and not spend more time with it? How do you leave that beauty hidden in the details like it’s not one of the greatest moments of the entire game? It’s so quiet it’s private, almost. Like we’re not supposed to see that side of either of them, being such an outsider. It’s sundering to think about. Annihilating. I love it with all my heart and I hope more people love Morgott too after reading this.

[etoilesombre]

I send you a message asking for fics about 2 weeks ago... i have since read them all and the blacksails brainrot has consumed me. Its not getting better. You were right... 'a month' is not long enough - it will be a decade of me thinking about black sails fulltime at the least.

I have read SO many good fics, honestly this fandom is blessed with great minds and great writers!! Your recommendations were excellent!! (Your fics too)

While going through the flintsilver tag I found a silverflinthamilton fic ('we can lose and call it living') and oh boy did that scratch an itch i didn't know i had!!

So now (after reading silverflint fics for like 2 weeks in all my spare time) I was wondering if you (or you followers!) know any flinthamilton fics. I don't know if that's your jam personally but I would love to read some fics about james and thomas (and possibly miranda) and how their relationship grew!! We see sooo little of it on screen!!

So if you have any recommendations once more, i would appreciate it!!

Hi! really sorry it took me so long to get to this, it has been a hectic week, I hope you see it!! Glad you enjoyed the recs, and I have rounded up some more.

I do read a lot less Flinthamilton(s), but a couple stick out in my mind, and I also crowdsourced some recommendations. I'm going to stick some other miscellaneous pairings on the end as well, in case you feel like further expanding your horizons.

Flintham recs: (most of them are postcanon rather than London era. I too would love more recs for London era.)

The Peaceable Kingdom by kvikindi (~45k words total) A Thomas-at-the-plantation novella length series that is truly beautifully written and engages with some hard, interesting ideas in meaningful ways.

The Sundering Sea by x_art (~140k words) I have not read this one but it comes highly recommended. One thing to note is that it is set post season two and was written in 2015, so BEFORE the ending had aired.

Rip Out All The Epilogues by Thatswherethelightgetsin (~60k words) An AU where both Hamiltons come to Nassau with Flint. This one has a side of Vane/Miranda which is interesting.

A Story Is True/A Story Is Untrue by FletcherHonorama (~210k words) This one is famous and well respected, it's a story told in parallel based on different possible endings, which is a really interesting concept.

Eye of the Beholder by Palebluedot (~2.6k words) Whew, some simple porn to balance out the many thoughtful novels people write for this pairing. They fuck in front of a mirror. It's hot.

5 Times Thomas and James Touched Foreheads Together by daylighthour (~12.5k words) Ok this is my favorite James/Thomas fic of all time, I think about it regularly - and it's rated g, imagine that. It's lovely, and supports my deeply held Autistic Flint headcanon.

NON-Flintham recs:

Ner Tamid by notfelix (~2.7k words) Ok this is technically Silver/Muldoon but it isn't really about that, it's a Jewish John Silver character study complete with cannibalism, oh my. It's great. For ACTUAL Silver/Muldoon I also encourage you to check out the same author's kinkmeme story Taking Care.

Marriage Is For Happy Men by QueerCrusader (~7.5k words) Flintgates, precanon. Flint has to perform a wedding, and has feelings about it. He and his quartermaster spend some quality time together after. This one is SO in character, really makes it work for me.

trust/caution by squidnapped (~5.4k) Also Flintgates. Disaster bottom Flint!! Love of my life!! Just. Just go read it. Trust me. This is one of my favorite fics of all time, also think about it regularly.

theives by ajaxthegreat (~3.7k words) Flintvane after Charles Town. This one is unfinished, but I really love how they talk to each other in it.

like real people do by thegreatblondebalrogslayer (~2k words) Vane is the one who shaves Flint's hair. No porn. You know it's good if I read it and there's no porn.

(If I may be so bold, I wrote Flintvane one time as well, here, try it you might like it)

your legs are the north star by Jaynovz (~3.6k) I can't usually do het at all but it works here. Flintmadi, taking comfort in each other when they're grieving Silver. Love the fealty dynamic, I'm weak for that.

[kagedbird]

Cicero Loves You, Listener!

TESSDE AU - Dark Brotherhood route

~ [First] ~ [Next] ~ [Prev] ~

My head ached.

I could hardly open my eyes, the pounding in my head was so loud. My back felt torn apart, my right deltoid and left thigh were burning, and my head was fucking pounding.

It must have been a bodily reflex to test my fingers and toes, as I hadn’t realized I’d done it until my brain mentally relieved itself of the worry I’d lost any. Ten fingers, ten toes, all accounted for.

It was hard to swallow though. My mouth was so dry, my lips cracked.

Would it be so bad to just fall back into the listless void again? To be cradled by the ether and not deal with any of this?

I nearly did, had it not been for a familiar creaking noise of a door a few paces from where I laid. I’d gathered I was in a bed, given the state of my lying position, as well as the blankets surrounding me. I felt like I wanted to violently tear the blankets off my feet, but I had no strength to do so.

Instead, I found strength to crack open my eyes, feeling myself freeze in place at the sight ahead of me.

Cast aglow and sundered by the remaining shadows shrouding his face, I saw a silhouette of a man staring at me just from around the other side of the door in the dimly lit room I was placed in.

I felt a shudder creep up my spine, both from his seemingly thousand yard and yet hungry stare, as well as anxieties I couldn’t remember the cause of bursting from my chest at the sight of someone watching me as I rested.

Had that happened before? Had worse happened?

I couldn’t… I couldn’t remember.

That was far more terrifying.

He must have noticed me staring right back, unmoving, hardly breathing, as his vision changed suddenly. His expression became more joyous and jovial; masking what small preview I had seen that clearly laid underneath.

“Ah! The kind lady is awake! She is, she is!” The man’s shrill voice called out in the silence, opening the door further to clap his hands together joyfully.

I had to wince. Everything was so loud.

“Kind… lady…?” I croaked out instead, watching him skip over to me with a jingle literally in every step.

His attire was like a jester— was a jester. He was a jester. Black and red clothing with golden trimming, certainly a bold choice for a jester, but a jester nonetheless with those bells that curled on his shoes and held down his hat.

His smile was wide as he addressed me, “Oh yes! You helped poor Cicero along the road so very long ago! He is very happy to be able to return the favour!”

I felt my brows crease in concern. ‘I helped him?... I can’t… I can’t remember…’

His smile dropped into something woeful. Mocking? An attempt to be pitious? I couldn’t tell. I couldn’t read him.

“Oh dear, oh dear! It seems your mind is more rattled than poor Cicero’s!” He murmured, fretting about above me, but never touching. Thankfully. “Fret not, fret not! Friendly Cicero is here to help! Does the kind lady have a name?”

A name? Oh god. Please. Not my name, I need my name—

“A-Allora…” I stuttered past dry lips, idly licking them in a vain attempt to speak better. “I think…”

“Allora, Allora! What a wonderful name, so pretty, pretty, for such a kind lady!” The jester sang, rocking in place with his hands clasped and pressed against his cheek. “Well, Miss Allora, Cicero found you outside not too far from home, quite in a state! Yes, yes! Cicero was so beside himself to see such a kind woman injured, he knew he just had to scoop you up into safety!”

I was injured… that much was obvious from the raging headache and bodily pain.

“Do you remember anything at all?” He asked, voice suddenly low as he leaned in.

I craned my head back, tense, and staring right back into his piercing gaze. Why did this feel like I was the one in trouble? What did he think I knew?

“I-I… I really can’t… remember much…” I murmured, turning my head slightly. “My head… really hurts…”

He stayed for a breath of a moment, before pulling back and placing a hand on each cheek. “Oh, Cicero is so sorry you are in so much pain! Please, allow him to go fetch you a potion! And some water! You sound so dreadfully weak and tired, yes, yes.”

That sounded like a thinly veiled insult.

I couldn’t tell. Was it just his inflections? Was it my head?

Either way, I couldn’t trust him just because he said I helped him and he saved me. Something churned in my stomach that something was wrong. I don’t remember him. He didn’t even know my name.

Did he actually know me at all?

I watched as he left hurriedly, flapping his hands all the while, humming under his breath. I peered around the dimly lit room, taking in the various melted candles that sat around the room without any container to hold the wax; merely melting all over various surfaces.

Something in me scratched angrily about the wax coating book covers over on the distant table. I had to agree; it seemed wasteful.

Other than the books, table, a small nightstand with two candles nearby, and a seat— along with the bed I was resting in— the room was fairly empty. Cobblestone lined the walls and were smoothed to make the floor, a chill not quite kept out from the outside leaking in.

I huddled into the warmth of the blankets further, the cold doing nothing to help me stay awake. But I knew despite my need to rest to heal, I didn’t think I could with the mental image of that jester staring at me in my mind.

Maybe he meant well. But something in my gut screamed in terror, so I would listen to it. I could listen to nothing else.

It was long enough to acknowledge the dreary, unsettling silence lingering in the air before the jester came back. He held a cup in one hand and a potion in the other.

Presumably. Were potions just another name for medicine? I couldn’t remember.

Settling the items on the table, the jester carefully helped me sit up enough to drink both liquids— having to pause momentarily during the potion as my body had threatened to reject it immediately— before I was settled once more.

Thankfully, he had gloves on. I felt a little less weary about touch with those keeping skin contact to a minimum.

After the revolting medicine though, I did feel my aches begin to ease near immediately. I didn’t feel drowsy from the effect either; just itchy from the muscles and skin healing at a rapid rate.

I supposed I couldn’t keep the wonder off my face as the jester laughed loudly next to me.

“Oh, how adorable Miss Allora is! Cicero, too, was enamoured with the way potions worked when he was very very little!” He said, patting my head softly. I was proud I withheld my flinch. “Hopefully that will soothe your achey-broken-brain soon enough!”

“I hope so too,” I murmured, sinking into the bedding underneath me. It wasn’t as soft as I expected it to be for some reason. But it was comfortable all the same.

“In the meantime, allow friendly Cicero to gather you sustenance!” Cicero said, clapping his hands together. “What would Miss Allora like to eat?”

“Um…”

Did I have allergies? I must if I was thinking about it so suddenly. But what?

“Oh, foolish Cicero!” He said suddenly, smacking a hand to his forehead. “Silly Cicero! He did not mean to make you feel sad about being unable to remember. He will simply gather something simple! A fine soup! Would that be well?”

“Yes,” I nodded slowly, feeling guilty for my distrust at this point. Weariness aside, he was taking care of me. “...Thank you, Cicero.”

He froze momentarily before laughing again. It was deep from his gut, like it was the funniest thing he’d ever heard.

“Oh, Miss Allora! You are so kind, so kind!” Cicero said, wiping a tear from his eye. “Yes, Cicero is happy he found you and gets to bring you back to health. A true honour, it is!”

“...Sure.” I replied lamely, smiling weakly at his beaming expression.

Was I someone… important? I could only think of that as the reason why he seemed so amused by my thanks.

Cicero hummed to himself, adjusting my covers momentarily, and I bit my lip as he moved to leave.

“Um— Cicero?”

“Yes, dearest friend of Cicero’s?” He replied immediately, turning back around so quickly it made my head spin.

“I’m— I’m sorry, I… really hate blankets over my feet,” I murmured, sheepishly looking away. “...I can’t really move, could you….?”

“Oh! Oh yes!” Cicero perked up, immediately adjusting the blanket to curl over my feet. I felt immediate relief and sunk into the bed fully, unwound from the growing tension along my spine.

“Thank you,” I murmured again, suffused with gratitude.

“Of course, of course! Anything for Cicero’s dearest friend!” He replied, clapping his hands together once more. “He will be off to gather you the heartiest of soups! Be back in a jiffy!”

I watched him scurry out once more, closing the door behind him, and taking the light from the exterior with him.

Ladened in the darkness, with no window to see the outside, my eyes felt more open than they had before.

…There was a presence here.

Here?

Nearby?

Somewhere.

Waiting. Watching. Watching and waiting.

I looked around, swallowing thickly as the anxiety curled in my chest. I hated this. I hated whatever this was. The lights— the sconces and candles— were not enough to pierce the veil of darkness left in Cicero’s wake.

Where was I?

[etruatcaelum]

🍁 + Summer, how do you think your kids will react when they find out what you’re doing? Is there any chance of swaying them?

“Well,” she sighs, “let’s see…”

From atop the sundered tower, sheltered from biting wind by the talons of the petrified wyvern, Summer can see the snow-bound ruins of Beacon laid out like a map: grimm in their unending motion, a black maelstrom circling the tower. Lifeless rubble sinking into the white. Glynda’s encampment, in the distance.

“…I only left them, faked my own death to do it, joined up with the enemy, started the war I’d tried to end, attacked their school, killed their friends and classmates—” Sundered Rose had still been clean by the end of that night, unstained by innocent blood, but she doesn’t think that matters much. “–Yang lost her arm, Ruby ended up in a coma, and I’m still here. With her.”

Little icicles stab down from the arch of the stone talon; Summer snaps one, idly tosses it to the wind. Deadpan: “I think they’ll be thrilled, obviously. Mom of the century.”

She made her choices. If she could change any of it, Summer can’t truthfully say she would.

“I don’t think I would’ve been a good mom even if I’d stayed,” she admits, quietly. “Nobody who knew me before would believe that—I’ve read the fucking obituaries. I know how they remember me–” Her mouth twists. “Perfect mother, perfect wife. Perfect huntress. I–”

More icicles, broken and thrown off the tower one by one. The thing is…

“Raven,” she says, “was such a great mom. Like, before she left. Better than I was, when Ruby was that age, but Raven’s… not what you’d call warm and friendly. She can’t be all sunny smiles, happy housewife—that’s just not who she is. I could do that. I could bring over home-baked cookies and coo about what a cute little baby Yang was and sing while I did the dishes and that–” a bitter chuckle. “—that kinda… Tai made some real out of pocket comments during those last like, eight or nine months before Raven left, let’s put it that way. Kind of thanking me in a way that felt more like jabs at her. I didn’t really… I shouldn’t’ve let him, but—well. Hindsight.”

Summer chews on her lip, scowling.

“The… point is, I think Raven actually wanted to be a mom. I didn’t. I just wanted to do right by her kid, and then Ruby happened and I– don’t… get me wrong, I do love my girls, but I- if Tai weren’t so over the moon about Yang getting a little sister, I would’ve just aborted. I didn’t want that life–”

(Inflicting silver eyes on a baby still feels like the worst thing she’s ever done.)

Her breath billows out in a long ribbon of steam. Mom of the fucking century, alright.

“Forget ‘swaying,’” Summer grumbles. “That ship sailed when we did all this.” She thumps a hand on the wyvern’s talon. “I’ll count myself lucky if this thing ends with the Brothers gone for good and me on speaking terms with anyone on Ozpin’s side.”

[primamchorus]

Smitten

With an essay that must be written, Prompto seeks Primam's recommendation on something knowing how studious she is, and how much she enjoys literature. Given Noctis is also indisposed in preparation for larger royal duties, Primam's one of the only ones Prompto can count on.

Word Count: 538

Notes: My free trial friend hit me with a tweet that I read and went, "I have to write something based on that. Fuck." So here's a short drabble based on that.

Psst, hey...check out my XV: Reimagined?

“You're…asking me for a book recommendation for class…?” Primam asked, a little surprised Prompto was considering her opinion. She often had a more robust interest in literature, bordering on the same lines as Gladiolus’ interest and understanding of literary works.

It just struck her as…strange.

Yet it was also endearing and made her smile after Prompto nodded.

“Yeah, well… I… I want to do good on my literary assessment essay,” Prompto replied, rubbing the back of his neck. “Noct’s got a lot on his plate with all those royal duties Ignis keeps bringing him, and…you're the only one I can trust to give me something I can't screw up on.”

Primam hummed in thought. Then it hit her.

“You're just in luck, then,” Primam replied after a moment. She looked down at the book in her hand and then thought for a brief moment longer where to find the book she was thinking of. It was close by; she recalled seeing it back up on the shelf not so long ago.

“I have a book that has a part that really sticks with me… Even after all this time. Gladio actually recommended it to me a few years ago,” Primam said as she scanned the book spines. She held the book she had been reading briefly close to her chest, still open.

“‘Isn't it fitting?’” Primam recited, then walked toward a different part of the bookcase as she snapped the book closed in her hand. She offered a smile in Prompto’s direction as they stood there in the largely vacated library. “‘That from the word ‘smite’ doth come the word ‘smitten’?”

She reached up and placed the book on the shelf and then pulled down another once she caught the familiar title. Prompto merely watched her curiously. With that new book in hand, Primam offered it to him. The title of it was Of Winter's Grip.

Admittedly, Primam was surprised how naturally the words came out of her mouth. Perhaps it was merely the nature of reciting the passage that reflected her feelings versus outright confessing.

“‘Thine oath to me, my dearest paladin, hath struck me,’” Primam continued. Her hand lingered on the cover of the book. “‘I would layeth before thee, broken and beaten on the floor. For thine oath hath sundered my heart in twain, ne’er to beat the same again.’”

Slowly, Primam’s fingers slipped from the cover.

“‘My dearest paladin… I loveth thee.’”

Prompto's lips parted for a moment before he cleared his throat and looked away briefly. “So, uh…it's a good book, I take it?”

“One of my favorites.” Primam’s expression softened. “Of course…I may have…spoiled some of it for you.”

“N-No, I…” Prompto stammered. “Actually, I’m intrigued. I want to read what happens and how it happens to get to that point.”

Primam’s brow raised as her smile returned. She then drew her hands together. “If you want, I have my own copy at home. We can read it together?”

“That might actually be for the best,” Prompto sheepishly replied. “If it’s one of your favorites like you said, you probably understand it pretty well and can help me with anything I might want to put in my essay.”

“Then it’s a plan!”

[miqojak]

10 fandoms, 10 characters, 10 tags

Basic rules: choose 10 fandoms that you are part of/support, and choose a favorite character from each of those. Then, tag ten folks!

Tagged by: @dragonsongmakhali and @thefreelanceangel (thanks! I get around to tagged things eventually, lmao)

This isn't in any particular order, they're just in whatever order they came to mind! I'll also note that I've never really understood the concept of 'being in a fandom'? I just...like the thing? So I guess this is more like "A handful of my all time favorite characters, many of whom went on to inspire me to write similar OCs whether I realized it at the time or not." Anyways, I wax verbose on this, so...buckle up, and thanks ahead of time if you decide to read it all!

I'll go through my recent notifications to tag some folks who've interacted lately (also thanks, I've been very ill and out of it for what feels like months now...) @ashenbun, @the-sycophant, @eorzeanflowers, @iron-sparrow, @briar-ffxiv, @merlwybs-wife, @sundered-souls, @superbolided, @ahollowgrave

1. Harley Quinn, Batman

What's not to love? She's quirky, she's (incredibly) smart, she's bi, and she's just one of many female characters I love for being flawed, but better for it! She's dealing with mental illness, and feels like only this one person understands her - and having been wrapped around a narcissist's finger before? I get it. You don't realize they're a piece of shit until...one day you do, or one day your friends get through to you that this is unhealthy, and you're not really yourself around this person. I love that she gets to be her own character these days, and live her own life, and do what she wants to do (when she figures that out) - I actually love that she works more and more with the Batfam in recent material because...she was never a villain. She's always been chaotic neutral! She changed who she was for the Joker, and was always miserable and mistreated no matter how hard she tried to be exactly who and what he wanted (a mewling servant) - and more often than not, even when she did what she thought he wanted, he still punished and humiliated her (like when she almost killed Batman). Bruce has LONG been on Harley's side, and long tried to talk some sense into her...but I think they'd been 'at odds' for too long for his words to get through to her, and it took the initial mutual compassion (and eventual love) shared between her and Pamela for someone's 'get the fuck out' speech to finally sink in. And now she's a fully realized character/woman with her own goals, her own personality, her own style... and if people don't like that she can do crime AND do good stuff alongside the Batfam? They can fuck off - at least, I imagine she'd say that, tbh. It's her choice - she never wanted what the Joker wanted. She just wanted him to notice her. Now she can act on her whims, and live in the moment and live up to her fullest potential! (Plus, while I'm not Jewish, I love that she is! At least in most iterations that I've seen.)

I think 'hurt people hurt people' is another good tagline for her - because the instant she's shown real compassion...be it from Bruce-outside-the-suit, or Poison Ivy? You can see her heart. You can see the sweet, and loving person she is under all the performing...or 'masking', you might say. The tragic clown doesn't need your laughter... they need your compassion. They need you to listen.

2. Mackayla Lane, The Fever Series (I've read this series at least 6 times, and recommend you read it, too!)

Mackayla is a self-centered, pink-loving, girly-girl who doesn't think heavy thoughts - she likes to sunbathe, paint her nails, and enjoy lazy southern days by the pool, when she's not working part time as a bartender. Until her sister is murdered on a trip abroad, and in her fervor to find out what happened - and why it feels like nothing is being done about it - she picks up and goes to Ireland in search of clues her own damn self...and finds out about this whole hidden legacy of the Sidhe, Sidhe-Seers, and why/how she and her sister are tied into this world. It's such an emotional journey! She evolves into someone different a few times throughout this journey of grief, self-discovery, and...eventually, love. She learns to be more introspective, to be more aware of those around her, to look deeper in herself for strength, so as to never be a damsel in distress again - she fights furiously for a sister we never get to see alive. (and I love a good story about a character central to the plot who is dead before the story even begins, tbh.) She goes from someone I'd roll my eyes at, to someone I'd look up to, instead. She learns to be fierce, but not to lose her compassion in doing so. She learns to fight for not just herself, but others. She suffers, and it breaks her for a time - but she comes out of it stronger for it. She doesn't let it hold her down, anymore - she can't afford to, doesn't want to...she wants to fight back.

I love character development, and she's got it in spades...and that's not even touching on all the OTHER amazing characters around her in this series. Also, if you like a spicy slow-burn, this is it. 'Begrudging allies to lovers' is how I'd term it, I suppose. (I still long for a high production value show of this series...especially bc it would appeal to all kinds of people - it even goes post-apocalyptic later on! But not for the usual reasons.)

3. Margo Hanson, The Magicians (The show, not the books, for once)

Feminist icon without being 'cringe' about it - and has a line I love, later on, about how her father told her she could be anything she wanted...until she wanted to be those things. Suddenly, the world wanted her to pick - you can't be strong AND womanly; 'you can't have both,' they told her. And she said 'Fuck You', and did it anyways. She is impossibly strong, but even she feels deeply on the inside. She rarely, if ever, lets it show how heavy the weight of the world is...she just shoulders on, and does the things no one else will do. She stands up for what's right, and now and then she fucks things up, too...because she's only human. But she's never apologetic about who she is. She lives out loud, owns her body, owns her opinions, and the rest of the world better get the fuck out of her way, because she's got a witty one-liner...and a gun.

He's an alcoholic/addict, he's a wet rag, and he's basically the world's best occultist... whether you love him or hate him. (I love bisexuals getting the spotlight in media, so it's nice that he's that, too!) He's a rat bastard who's just trying to get by in a world that's chewed him up and spit him out time and time again - he drinks the pain away, he chases death, and...despite his best efforts, he lives. Because anytime he actually comes close to death, he realizes that it's all worth fighting for, actually - even if he always falls off the path again. Notably, neither he nor Harley Quinn were really supposed to be longstanding characters...and now they're both fully fleshed out people, and a couple of my favorites! I like that he's complex, mentally ill, and still tries to do what's right, most of the time. But the world pushes his hand, and something's got to give, and unfortunately it's usually the people around him who end up paying the price...which doesn't mean that he doesn't carry that guilt for the rest of his life, mind you. But the world itself was saved! ...though he'll never not regret the harm it causes the few people he lets close, and how it then causes so many others to avoid him like the plague, as they assume he's just a shit who will sacrifice his friends at the drop of a hat. He's the reluctant savior. The...anti-hero? I'm not even sure that's right, because he does want to do good. He just... does some fucked up things to achieve that good, because there's often genuinely no other way - and no one else has the fortitude or the know-how to do it but him. So he'll carry that load, so others don't have to. He'll smoke it away, drink it away...anything he has to, to quiet the guilt, and shame of saving the world from the shadows...never being thanked for it, because he doesn't fly around in spandex, or drive a fancy animal-themed car.

4. John Constantine, Hellblazer/DC Comics (An anti-hero I love, a rare bi-disaster MAN in media, and my favorite occultist/wizardy person in fiction, I think...besides Margo.)

Also, his Hellblazer comics are very politically left leaning and he shits on Tories and racists and homophobia, etc. He might hide his pain in ways that make him seem like a piece of shit, but at heart he knows what's right, and that his fellow man deserves better. (Also, it's implied that he slept with/dated King Shark...you go, king.)

5. Dracula, Bram Stoker's Dracula and Castlevania (first the game, then the show) I was obsessed with the book even as a kid, and when I saw the most iconic scene in a video game ever, I was in love with his Castlevania counterpart, too.

Not much else to add to this one - I just think he's cool! I love vampires! I love Mina, as well, for all the strength she shows in the face of almost-certain-doom...but I love a good villain, and Dracula is the perfect villain. Also, it turns out the whole book might just have been one big, gay metaphor from a man in the closet! That's pretty cool to find out, after all these years. I do love the backstory from the film of him being SO IN LOVE with his wife that he cursed God and just...became a vampire. Because 'I fought in your crusades and you let the woman I love kill herself? Fuck you, I'm just never going to die. Now I'll kill all your beloved humans!' Castlevania's backstory is similar enough that I enjoy both iterations of it - a man driven to madness by love, and loss...and in Castlevania, it's not even his FAULT he keeps getting summoned back, which is where this scene below even comes from, which kinda cracks me up. He specifically points out what pieces of shit humans are...they say they hate him, but it's humans who always summon him back to do THEIR dirty work.

6. Taimi, Guild Wars 2

When you first meet her, she's a bobble headed child prodigy, even among the incredibly intelligent race of Asura, with big hair and an even bigger pink bow on her head - who has a terminal illness, and a physical disability from it that makes it hard for her to walk...but it never stops her. Not even once. Commander might be a badass, but they'd be nothing without Taimi's vast intelligence saving the world time and again - and you almost have to watch her die! She loses her favorite mech, which is both a walking apparatus and her best friend, and goes on to lose her best friend/love interest...and the pain never breaks her. She's a literal child, a teen/young adult by current story - and the endurance and compassion and strength she shows are just...making me emotional to even write about. And while she's still alive in story at present (and they've aged her up over time!)... we discussed with her not that long ago in story how she is dying - and she feels the pressure to get as much done as she can before that day. But one day, she won't be with us anymore...and despite all the people that Commander has lost? I'll never be ready to lose my little rat-daughter.

Go play Guild Wars 2.

7. Jaina, World of Warcraft

You meet her as a young woman, in Warcraft - an idealist who believes in peace, and stands against the open, and blatant racism against the Orcs, and the Horde. She strives for this peace so hard that she allows her own father to be executed - and for years, she stands with the Horde, and speaks on their behalf and fights for peace...until those same people go out of their way to not just screw her over, but almost kill one of the only family members she has who accepts her, and steal an ancient artifact that could basically just wipe out the Alliance much like the bomb that was used to wipe out the whole city she was in charge of. She suffers from the guilt of not trying harder to help Arthas. She suffers so...so much guilt, for so many things. She isn't perfect, and she has acted out of hurt, and rage at times - but she grows, and learns, and becomes this whole person comprised of beautiful flaws and complexities. I know what it's like to have your friends betray you, and want to burn it all down. I know what it's like, to need years to come to terms with that hurt. I know the pain of years and years of guilt and self-loathing and 'what-if's'. Jaina has become an amazing woman who has helped people, hurt people, and learned both difficult, and beautiful lessons along the way, to become an ultimately better person who still believes in the rights of all people...just with less of that youthful naivete that got her so hurt and blindsided.

8. Ahsoka, Star Wars: The Clone Wars

I put off watching Clone Wars, and thought I wouldn't like how they worked Ahsoka in...and boy was I ever wrong. Finally, at long last, there's a female character who is given as thorough a Jedi treatment as Luke, or Anakin...if not better! I love analyzing the 'family lineage' of which Jedi mentors which, and it's a bit funny how Qui-Gon was a rule-breaker paired with Obi-Wan-the-rule-lover...and then he ended up with a padawan even more about going against the grain, because Qui-Gon was supposed to have 'raised' Anakin, himself - then Anakin ends up with a Padawan in an attempt to teach him about how to move on from loss...because all padawans grow up and move on with their lives, one day - but he ended up with someone just as hard-headed and outspoken and out-going as him, and he got a taste of what it was like to be his master! All that said, Ahsoka grows and develops and learns hard lessons, and...grows up as a child soldier in a war the Jedi never should have been a part of, anyways - and (spoilers) when she goes on to be wrongfully accused of a crime by the Jedi Council...they try to walk it back later by saying 'oh this was clearly a test by the Force and you've passed, hooray promotion'. Ahsoka is having none of it. It's hypocrisy. It's a lie. They can't put their own pride aside, and admit that they were wrong! And why would she want to be a part of an organization like that? That's not a promotion at all. Now she'd be just like them, and that leaves a sour taste in her mouth. (Not to mention other hypocritical things she notices throughout the series.) She goes on to learn to live in balance - not all emotions are bad. It's not about complete eradication of emotion, but learning which ones to cultivate, and which ones to set aside and think on. She learns what the elder (extremist) Jedi will not - balance. She becomes better than all those who came before...even Yoda, who is in her Jedi-family-lineage; he admits that the Jedi are blinded by their arrogance, but he's among them! I love everything about her story...so far, at least. I've got yet more catching up to do with Rebels and the Ahsoka show.

9. Asajj Ventress, Star Wars: The Clone Wars

Honestly, I like her for a lot of the reasons I like Ahsoka - they're like two sides of a coin, and I think she even says this to Ahsoka later in the series. But Asajj suffered immensely early in life, and lost two father figures (even if one of them was her kidnapper) - to include a Jedi Knight who was briefly her Master, before he was slain in battle. She was picked up by Count Dooku, and had her pain and hate stoked like a fire...and in time he betrayed her, as well. And still...she went on to be resilient, strong, smart, and a master in her own fields of stealth and assassination. She learned hard lessons, and learned to think for herself - she learned that she didn't need any of those men who had come before, in her life...she only needed herself. Her own wits. Her own strength. Her own intelligence. Much like Ahsoka, she broke away from what others tried to mold her into, and became her own woman... whether people liked who she became, or not.

She's a badass. Watch Clone Wars. Read her books.

10. Buffy, Buffy the Vampire Slayer

Does this one need a reason? She's an imperfect badass, too! She's a lot like Mac, mentioned earlier - she's girly, but not always. Sometimes it concerns her what people might think of that - being feminine, but strong - but she learns to embrace her strength and ferocity and role in the supernatural world... although not without bucking against the system just like Ahsoka and Ventress do - she makes it her own. She plays by her rules, not the Council's, not her Watcher's...and when she does so selfishly, and screws up, she learns a hard lesson about the wisdom and input of your friends and family, and considering how your choices affect those around you. She decides she will not be a dog on a leash for the Council (maybe she was some inspiration for Ahsoka...) - she's here to do two things: look fly, and kick monster ass. Oh yeah - and empower other young women to do the same.

Honorable mentions for Spike (from Buffy), Lucifer (from the self-titled show), Aurene (GW2), Eliot Waugh (The Magicians), Catra (SPOP)

You'll no doubt note that pretty much all the women on the list are people who suffered immensely/were wronged and eventually grew stronger for that, and overcame both the situation and their own flaws...I love a bitch who can overcome both her own flaws, and the world itself being against her!

[firekitten830]

thinking about gio .... tell us more about him he's literally silly + i like him so much

YOUVE ACTUVATED . MY AUTISM

Makes a bulleted list

-full name Giovanni Morningstar, both of them chosen rather than given. Ooc I chose Giovanni because he is actually vaguely based on my pc from a different ttrpg, and that characters middle name is Giovanni. And Morningstar is a reference to The Devil. like from the bible dksgsjhd

-his divine blood specifically comes from Sharess, goddess of hedonism and indulgence that vanished when dnd 5e came out during the second sundering . So it is no surprise he is motivated almost entirely by hedonism

-he does not know this.

-he’s definitely not her only descendant but he’s her only descendant that inherited any of her magic

-he was not always a tiefling

-he didn’t always have access to his divine magic

-the previous two points were sparked by the same event

-he was born in waterdeep! Not baldurian but gets around enough to know some things

-wanted magic desperately but had absolutely 0 talent for it before his divine magic awakened so he learned the next best thing: stealing shit. Man has been conning and pickpocketing and just generally getting up to thievery and tomfoolery since he was like. 8 (charlatan background)

-folk hero background could fit him pretty well too! Before he got Tadpoled he sorta wandered from place to place helping common folks and robbing rich people blind. Sort of a Robin Hood type guy but he did also keep a good bit of money lol

-he’s a trans man :] no surgeries and he doesn’t want them, though he does take wizard testosterone or whatever it would be in dnd. Probably a potion or something

-queer and poly!! I imagine he has a couple lovers across the sword coast, some he’s going steady with and others he’s sort of off and on with. He’s so lucky he lives in a world where teleportation exists and is not that hard all things considered im so jealous fr (I’ve also decided that his dream guardian looks suspiciously like one of his boyfriends). Worm nerfing his magic has unfortunately made keeping in touch a bit harder but he’s been managing

-his blood is a pretty potent magical power source and several people have tried to abduct him to use him as a conduit for spells or rituals because of this. I imagine after That Scene™️ with Astarion he was like “oh shit I should’ve warned him about that. Oh well he seems fine” . In the moment he was too focused on there being a hot vampire straddling him

-his tattoos are tied to his magic and glow when he casts spells. You can tell which way he’s about to fucking get you because he’s conveniently color-coded

-may or may not be on the brink of turning into a mind flayer but I’m sure that’s like. Fine.

WAIT I just remember I made a dnd character sheet for him before I ever got bg3 and I wrote a whole background thing as well as a value/ flaw for him . I’ll put those under a read more tho this is already kinda long

this part is written ooc!!

“Sharp, charismatic, and hedonistic to a fault. He has a silver tongue and a knack for deception, able to lie his way into and out of nearly any situation. He’s been driven out of many towns for his infernal heritage, alongside the myriad cons and schemes he often pulls on the wealthy, though he’s welcomed into just as many as a minor celebrity, and in some cases, a hero. This suits him just fine, though; he’s always been one to dance from place to place anyway. He enjoys finery of all kinds, and is happy to trade fine food, drink, clothing and accessories for coin… though he much prefers to offer favors as payment. He does have many talents after all; a quick-fingered thief, an excellent negotiator, a ruthless conman, a somewhat formidable sorcerer, a gifted storyteller, and if it suits your fancy, an escort (though he does charge extra for events)… as well as some other things, of course~”

“It is fairly difficult to draw his ire;he’s more than willing to forgive and forget most wrongs against him. But it would be wise not to test his limits too much; his normally capricious manner becomes cold and relentless when he feels punishment is owed. People who hurt those he cares about often walk away with gruesome scars… if they walk away at all.”

And then I have a ummm ideals and flaw section written in character cause these are on his character sheet

Ideals: “The safety and happiness of those close to me matters far more than any laws, or the ‘greater good’”

Flaws: “I’ve been called self-serving on many occasions, and I’m always weak to a bit of liquor and a pretty face”

I am sure I will think of more things to say about him I inevitably always do but I’m a little sleepy so I’m ending this post now!!

[sundered-souls]

For the Dawntrail asks: 17, though I have a feeling you'll get this one more than once, so 9 and 21 as well if you want!

Obvious warning for DT spoilers. Please do not read if you haven't finished the story.

17. The theme of family and legacy is repeated throughout Dawntrail—did this theme resonate with your character? Were there specific moments relating to family that impacted them?

Let's start with family.

Family is complicated. She was kind of the black canary in her own. Not because they didn't love her, but because they didn't understand (nor accepted) her curiosity for the outside world. Leaving her people means never coming back, something she had somewhat accepted but still hurt her for a long time after she left the village. She'd made her choice, though, and had little interest in changing the traditions of her people—selfish desire that they'd make an exception for her put aside.

But at least, you know, they tried to understand her. Tried to give her reasons to stay, to accommodate her somewhat. So it was striking for her that Zoraal Ja never seemed to have had that much effort put into trying to get him, despite how much efforts Gulool Ja Ja and Wuk Lamat had put into understanding strangers. Sometimes even murderous strangers.

I don't think she's been this uncomfortable with killing someone in a very long time (even though he clearly needed to be stopped). It's a death that'll stay with her because while your duty to your family is important, it's not worth erasing every bit of self just to fit a mold you barely understand. That's why she left and why he died.

Between him and Bakool Ja Ja, I think it settled in her mind once and for all that she made the right choice to leave her own family behind to carve her own path.

As for legacy...

What happened to Sphene after her death, the dehumanization of a beloved princess into a protector that lives for nothing but what she was created for—not unlike a primal, in truth—is something she found chilling.

The weight of expectation is hard to carry in life, and she saw much of her own doubts in Bakool Ja Ja and Zoraal Ja. More so than in Wuk Lamat and Koana, who for the most part were pretty clear about what they wanted to do with what they inherited, if not how to get there.

If anything, the whole adventure made her even more grateful for the people in her life that keep her grounded, because it was a quite sharp reminder of what happens when you lose sight of yourself for the sake of others.

9. What was going through their mind when the dome dropped?

Mostly "Oh, fuck!" or some other variation.

Then she took one good look at Erenville to get confirmation that yeah, it had appeared right where they were going, and from there she mostly settled for being here for him and getting to the bottom of the issue quickly.

21. If they had to summarize their journey in Tural, what would they say?

The Rite of Succession was surprisingly fun and enjoyable. She truly expected it to be something that'd cause her no end of problems when instead she mostly got to enjoy the journey, the land and the people she met.

Sphene and Zoraal Ja's business pissed her off, and given the design of both Sphene's crown and Sphene's dress, she hopes that whatever sundered Ascian is likely behind some of this mess took one good look at her face and crawled back to the hole they came from.

Unlikely, but a Warrior of Light can dream.

Mostly she enjoyed it though. The dome soured her mood a bit, but she's happy for the people she got to meet (and to have Erenville sticking around).

Thanks for the ask!, @pxelbunny!

[starstrider]

10, 20, 28? the ganmachine

10. How do they feel about their relationship with Hydaelin? Midgarsormr?

Oh man you don't know what you're getting yourself into because there is. Heaps of heaps of lore that I just come up with genuinely sorry if it's too much

Like "5 google doc pages big" SPEAKING OF WHICH if reading this stuff in Google here's the LINK:

Ohhhghghghh both of my WoLs have an insanely complicated relationship with Hydaelyn that becomes way better in Endwalker.

But beginning is beginning and like.

Gan comes from a fucked up tribe of Black Mages and masters of Dark Arts where their khatun Lena is basically a Mhach mage that escaped the Void Ark tragedy by teleportation magic and time travel shenanigans (she attempted to travel between shards, but got stuck in a space in-between and when she came back to the Source a couple hundred years already passed and Void Ark was nowhere to be seen).

So she assimilated herself into a xaela woman and either coerced or forced talented mages to join her emo band newfounded tribe.

And she shaped the tribe to be extremely hostile to anything resembling magic of Light because of course she, the Mhachi mage, would. She was maintaining her immortal rule by possessing the bodies of children of her close Archmage circle and using advanced dark arts.

Then Lena, to her surprise, secretly and genuinely fell in love with Just A Guy and Gan was born.

Lena was arrogant and a little bit stupid, so she was pumping herself with Black Aether. The plan was to basically use her own child this time to prolong her immortality. And only because Hydaelyn gave Gan the blessing, Gan didn't turn into a voidsent and didn't do the 1979 Alien Chestburster on her mother.

So Lena got the baby, but the baby had a very high attunity to Light aether, which would make for a poor host.

So she decided to be world's first immortal deadbeat mother and just left Gan to her lover and left him on read.

That being said, rumors still spread that Gan was a potential bastard child and a Light-blessed idiot which made her ostracized in already pretty hostile clan.

So when Gan came to Eorzea and realized she's light-blessed and by someone else's God to boot she was PISSED (only the khatun and voidsent held status of deities in the Magan tribe). She used it because being a Warrior of Light gave her purpose and an easy way to be accepted in a land completely foreign to her + get more privileged position than she was in and not be shunned anymore (in Gan's head pretty much if you're Cream of the Crop then you're safe from harrassment because of harsh hierarchy of her tribe).

I think Gan accepted Light as also part of themselves long before they met Venat, but a lot of it was them unlearning self-hatred and learning to accept themselves. And meeting Venat didn't turn their world upside-down, but it pretty much cemented in the fact that “Yeah it's not bad that I'm like this. I am good as I am”.

Have a bonus sketch of Gan’s parents, I guess. The guy on the right is way sweeter than he actually looks and he’s never treated Gan with anything but kindness, care and patience.

Regarding Midgarsormr... Well there's like a huge chunk of Gan Azem lore that Tumblr specifically missed and I have to preface it with whatever I'm about to say.

Gan and Alma's predecessors, Phobos and Anteros, were two halves of one planet-eating creature, Jörmungandr, initially, until Venat met them and made a sort of prototype sundering so Jormie could experience being human and forget the emotions of the planets it consumed: grief, pain, unfulfilled dreams and joy and so on and so forth. Jörmungandr wasn't a dragon, it was just some messed up snake creature that was floating in space until it stumbled upon Etheirys, attempted to eat it and Venat through conversation invoked personality that the creature was repressing this entire time because it had like no one else to show it to? So it never really mattered to it.

WIP concept of Jormie that I did.

Jörmungandr shapeshifting to be able to communicate with Venat (took them around a month to achieve this form).

And I think the fact that Gan immediately took a great liking to dragons and peepaw Midgarsormr  both stems from the fact that she was, for the longest time, just like they are, the outsider. Someone who people didn't want to do anything with and had reservations about.

But also I feel like apart from that it's very much the fact that parts of Jörmungandr 's experience still dwells within Gan and there's this subconscious feeling that Gan wouldn't know about for a LONG time until like post-Endwalker that's basically ”Oh. Hey. We're both space travelers and aliens to this place. We should stick together“ and so on and so forth. Like a magnetic pull sort of feel.

And honestly considering Gan's initially complicated stance on Hydaelyn they were kind of happy that Midgarsormr stripped them of their blessing for some time. They were more than eager to prove themselves worthy in spite of it, because their self-esteem hinged on it greatly.

Now they're chilling.

20. Of all the places they've been to, which is their favorite? Do they like to go back there?

ISHGARDDDD BABYYYYYY IT'S ALWAYS ZENITH IT'S ALWAYS FORTEMPS MANOR YOU KNOW IT those are the first places where Gan truly felt accepted and at home.

28. Were they suspicious or open to Emet-Selch's presence when he first appeared?

Oh you fucking bet they didn't like Emet but since Gan is very reserved they didn't say anything outright malicious to him while still holding the grip on their rapier. But I think hostilities escalated in-between them over the story and after Gan found out that Phobos, their Azem self, used to be his apprentice and used to be very much miserable. It was like. ”You miserable fucking asshole, it seems by some sort of twisted karma I'm stuck with people who don't know how to be normal parents“. It never truly becomes sunshine and rainbows between them for obvious reasons, but Gan does give him the satisfaction in Endwalker of forgiving him on behalf of Phobos.

[transingthoseformers]

Things I either didn't expect in MTMTE/LL canon or expected and didn't happen:

I expected that Rewind 1.0 would die a lot later in the series, and originally I thought "well, I didn't directly see Overlord kill Rewind so Rewind 2.0 must die later on!"

Drift was actually far more hippy dippy than i anticipated, but my previous perception of Drift was influenced by one of the first posts i saw about mtmte Drift criticizing his fanon portrayal as too hippy dippy (which? Honestly? The more i think about it years down the line makes very little sense to me?) Who knows maybe I wasn't paying attention enough

Honestly I expected to see more of Megatron in LL than we did tbh

I expected the whole "Rung is Primus?!?" Thing to be more dramatic, with Rung like. Suddenly turning into something more, or acting far differently, or //something// idk. But he just... stayed the same guy we knew, just with the memories now.

Didn't expect the entire double lost light situation revealing Brainstorm as a double agent went... or well the entire situation (see below)

Fr I didn't expect the whole "there were two ships from the original quantum jump" thing and that THAT'S where we got Rewind 2.0 from

Really I hadn't expected Cygate to be canonically shipped that hard like w

Before reading the comics I knew about jack shit about Lug and Anode besides the whole "transgender lesbians in the comics!!!" posts i kept seeing, and fr that was a gift that I got to know these two more

A lot of the Dark Cybertron Crossover stuff I was just like "wait so THAT'S what that was referring to!"

Originally I had thought Getaway was always part of the crew until the Tailgate stuff (tbh a lot of the Tailgate and Getaway stuff was stuff i vaguely knew about but didn't know how it would go down)

I KNEW JACK SHIT ABOUT CEREBROS/FORT MAX/RED ALERT!!! omggggg it was so fun to see because I mean we saw me say "oh fort max and red alert should be shipped more often" and then y'all came to the askbox saying that not only are they canon but canonically speaking Red Max and Cerebros are in a polycule which now that I realize it i might've saw art somewhere along the line? But well that would've been a long time ago before i knew much about the comics

Drift left earlier and was gone for longer than I expected, and it was fucking cool to see him and Ratchet just roll up onto the battle scene already married and shit.

Before I only knew three things about Sunder: His creepy as hell appearance, his connection with Froid, and that he was an autobot that flipped shit. I hadn't known that he had a brother, that he was a mnemosurgeon, that he had killed previous to arriving on the Lost Light, and among other things.

Again, I didn't know a whole lot about Thunderclash other than him being a swell guy and Rodimus hating him. We saw how I just kept repeatedly expecting him to die because let's be real I feel like introducing a character by saying "oh yeah! And he's dying!" Makes you expect him to die

[jaynovz]

20 questions for fic writers!

tagged by @septemberskye 🥰

It took me so long to get round to this I think the whole pirate and sunder fam have already done it 🙈😔😭 ummm please take this as invitation to do it if you see it and want to 💜

1. How many works do you have on AO3?

48. Notably, 19 of those are podfic. 🎙️💪

2. What's your total AO3 word count? 

380,544 💪💪💪

3. What fandoms do you write for? 

Mostly Black Sails, but have also written for Cobra Kai, OFMD, and Sunder City/The Fetch Phillips Archives. Will probably write OPLA fic here sometime soon.

4. What are your top five fics by kudos? 

1. some ancient call, 7k, OFMD. A creature rom com I wrote right after s1. Weird, funny, and sweet.

2. Strike Hard, 4k, Cobra Kai/Karate Kid. LawRusso do the classic fighting to fucking. Baby's first porn in like 6 years to that point. Also written right after s1.

3. in over our heads, 13k, Black Sails. The first fic I wrote for Silverflint, called Flogging Verse because the events play out after Silver is flogged post 2.1 for firing on the warship.

4. don't let me in with no intention to keep me, 7k, Black Sails, nicknamed Petplay. Silver and Flint discover some things about themselves mid s2. Still one of like, hmmm four total petplay fics in the fandom.

5. the sweetest devotion, hitting me like an explosion, 39k, Black Sails, nicknamed Cupcakes AU. A bakery-street performer romcom, the only time I've give the boys a no strings attached happy ending.

5. Do you respond to comments? Why or why not? 

Religiously, lol. And it's because I want to talk about my story! I spent a lot of time on it so I take any chance to ramble more with someone who did me the compliment of reading it.

6. What's the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

Definitely hand in unlovable hand aka The Worst Ending. Second place is Hanahaki.

7. What's the fic you wrote with the happiest ending? 

Cupcakes AU 🧁 Generally speaking, if you're looking for unambiguously happy endings, you've come to the wrong place lol. However, if you want a fluff cheat sheet--besides Cupcakes, you can also check out the Soft Verse, Milkingfic, Bellyfic, and the Halloween Corn Maze fic.

8. Do you get hate on fics? 

 Thankfully no 💜

9. Do you write smut? If so, what kind? 

Lmao indeed. It's part of my Brand at this point. Love to use sex and kink as tools to dissect characters. Altered states my beloved.

What kind is a mix of if something tickles my brain/what the story needs, though you will most always find some amount of powerplay dynamics.

10. Do you write crossovers? What's the craziest one you've written? 

Ummm, back in middle school I wrote some crossovers, but none recently.

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen? 

Not that I am aware of.

12. Have you ever had a fic translated? 

Not yet!

13. Have you ever co-written a fic before? 

Yep. Many of my early offerings to the Black Sails fandom were collabs.

14. What's your all-time favorite ship?

Oh You Know... (It's Silverflint)

15. What's the WIP you want to finish but doubt you ever will?

The Black Sails post canon Fix It Fic that started it all. It's just very complex, which is why it was abandoned in the first place. And there are some other factors that just make it untouchable.

16. What are your writing strengths?

Overarching structure/plot beats, poetic language, characterization, conveying emotion, searing hot smut and kink.

17. What are your writing weaknesses?

Editing full stop. Historical/period accuracy type details. I have to do buckets of research for that kind of stuff. External pressures on the characters. I'm very very good at the zoomed in relationship view, but expanding/getting outside of their heads is not something I've done a lot.

18. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language for a fic? 

It's fine, as long as there's a story reason for it to be there.

19. First fandom you wrote for? 

InuYasha when I was about twelve years old. Those stories have since fallen into the void.

20. Favorite fic you've ever written?

Break Up AU of course :)))) My baby, my masterpiece, my heart, soul, blood, sweat, and tears. I was definitely possessed the year it took to write it.

--

Thanks for tagging me <3

[suckitupsunshine]

Loneliness

25.10.2023

Loneliness begins without,

Then takes root in your chest;

Vacuous, heavy, silent echo of a shout

it feels like burning; but it’s wet.

You can breathe into that inky trough

Now deeply settled there,

Gasp affirmations: ‘I am enough!’

Stir to motion stagnant air.

Loneliness grows like a leak in a pipe

Slowly becoming a flood:

A steady dripping piercing the night,

Setting damp chill to the blood.

It’s mundane, it gnaws at the back of your mind,

Like dishes piled up in the sink,

It grows there, ignored, while you’re busy with life;

It changes the way that you think.

Loneliness screams like a cat in the night,

Drums your heart like waves pound the shore;

Demands your attention, harshly shines light

On the things you don’t have anymore.

It taunts like a bully who’s spotted a thing

You find precious, and torn it to bits;

What you had, what you want, whether yours or a dream

Will be sundered, will be longed for, and missed.

Loneliness leaves mess like a suicide:

The heartbreak of a soul being so unknown;

Pain so exquisite it should be impossible to hide,

Yet unseen, easily cleaned, and felt alone.

Tears will wash clean out of pillows,

All suffering will be lost to time,

The world carries on unaware of your sorrows,

Absent from you, and to your absence, blind.

Loneliness looks like unlived lives,

Like adults doing what needs to be done,

It is measured in unfulfilled dreams and desires,

And forgetting entirely how to have fun.

It looks like the off-white developers choose,

To paint the walls of the boxes, detached,

That store us and our unsightly, vulnerable moods,

With our mementos, our vices, our yearning, unmatched.

Loneliness looks like an isolated child, outcast,

Reading books, high up in a tree;

It looks like a desk set apart from the class,

And a young girl lost in a dream.

It looks like a teenager chatting with friends:

Unexpectedly and in utter delight,

Ignoring needling certainty that every good thing ends,

Desperately fighting to stay in the light.

Loneliness looks like nothing at all,

It is borne of absence, and grows like grief;

It moves like still air in an empty hall,

And it lives like a cancer, in me.

***

Why on earth are the asterisks so massive? Anyway, wrote a poem the other night. I was keenly feeling the isolation, lads. The emptiness and the yearning got to me. Anyway, here's a sad poem. I'm okay, btw. I just tend to write a lot more sad poetry than happy, since that's when things are overflowing and I need to get rid of them.

I'm learning guitar! Which is super fucking difficult, but maybe in three to five years I'll be writing more happy poetry, since the happy stuff seems to be delivered to me musically instead of just head-talk.

Does anyone read poetry anymore?

[selchwife]

i had originally envisioned emet and eury having had a relationship pre-final-days-and-sundering but i actually like so much more that any hope they could have had of being together was ruined. this is an odd comparison but it really was super impactful to me that in watchmen there was this long-running sideplot about ordinary people living ordinary lives but it all got abruptly cut short when the big fucking thing happens (go read watchmen) and i kind of want to capture a little of that vibe? i guess? aside from their public positions and all they're very ordinary people and the sort of trajectory of their relationship is a very typical "childhood friends, one of whom is tsundere as hell, gradually beginning to voice romantic inclinations for one another" thing, except it's cut abruptly short by the final days. eury leaves the convcation, eury dies. that's it. that's how it ends.

[miqo-tales]

Minor Endwalker Rant

This is something I meant to post a long while ago. Since it's been a year since Endwalker released, this seems like as good a time as any.

So here's something I've just wanted to rant about.

Naturally, don't read this unless you've finished the Endwalker MSQ:

Something that has been nagging the crap out of me since 5.3 -- but also to some degree a little earlier -- is:

What the hell was our former self, Azem, doing during the Final Days and before the Sundering?

And to my GREAT disappointment, Endwalker does not address this at all. Like not even the littlest bit.

I genuinely feel Endwalker drops the ball on Azem, to the point that it now feels like little more than a justification for how 7 random people show up to help us fight Zodiark and Endsinger (and likely more future fights).

By the end of 5.3, we know rather little about Azem. We know they were our former life and a member of the Convocation. We also know that Azem rejected the Zodiark plan and gave up their seat, but also seemingly rejected the Hydaelyn plan as well. And we know they were sundered. And then?

Well, mostly nothing. We got a silly story about grapes. In 6.0 we just get little tidbits, but little else. For the most part we learn that Azem, Hythlodaeus, and Hades were friends, that Azem is pretty damn strong, and that he/she/they are enough of a weirdo that no one bats an eye at a strange familiar.

Elidibus doesn't mention it in 5.3 (nor later in 6.0), but at least with him it seems clear his memories are pretty messed up. We use the crystal to summon allies for fighting Fandaniel-Zodiark, but he makes no mention of it. Maybe the most significant thing we learn is in the early parts of the Pandaemonium story, where Themis mentions that their friend -- who is very likely Azem -- has some form of precognition.

Will it come up in the final part of Pandaemonium? I suspect Azem will come up, but I'm not expecting a revelation.

The 24 man raid? Seems unlikely, but we'll see.

It's genuinely so frustrating because it's a pretty signficant thing in 5.3, and then they don't really address it anymore. Obviously they're a little limited in what they can do with Azem because they can't show them in person. But it's just like... honestly, what the fuck? You can't make such a big deal about this person that we used to be, someone who bent over backwards to help everyone, and then they just vanish from the story during a world-wide apolcapyse.

At this point I just hope it's a bigger thing in 7.0. Maybe that future storyline will revolve around something that involves Azem. Some bigger thing that they were dealing with instead of the Final Days.

Anyway, all that aside, Endwalker was cool.

[rose-from-ashes]

Little Dark Age

An in depth look at the lyrics of the song Little Dark Age by MGMT and how these lyrics pertain to Emet below the cut. Fair warning, it's REALLY FUCKING LONG.

Preface with the fact that this song is about depression and is pretty... augh. I take a lot of the lines more literally for emet than you're supposed to, but the original meaning of the song does factor in.

"The ruins of the dead, painted with a scar" - The imagery of dehumanization and ruin resonates strongly with him, as he views himself as less of a person than the other unsundered despite being the most sane- after all, someone has to be not the best person to remain "sane" (using it loosely) through all the horrific things he's seen and done.

"Breathing in the dark, lying on its side" - This stanza is about a depressed individual spending the majority of their time either sleeping or just laying in bed and rotting with their feelings, both things that Emet is prone to doing during particularly hard times.

"And the more I straighten out, the less it wants to try" - The more he tries to give mortals chances to redeem themselves in his eyes, prove themselves worthy, the more they fail, and the colder he grows.

"The feelings start to rot, one wink at a time" - 'winks' refer to sleep, the time one spends with their eyes closed- but sleep can also be connected to death. Every time Emet lives a life and dies, his feelings towards mortals sour, as he experiences their lives and how painful and short they are.

"Oh-oh, forgiving who you are, for what you stand to gain" - Emet very literally does this, acknowledging the horrible thing he's become, and forgiving those horrors for the sake of bringing about a better kinder world he can feel good about leaving alone. He feels that the people deserve to thrive, even at the cost of his humanity and the atrocities he commits.

"Just know that if you hide, it doesn't go away" - In the same breath as Emet acknowledge the horror of what he's done, he turns away from it, justifies it, doesn't solve it- he hides from it, and the full scale only hits him when he's already dead or the rejoining has finally come.

"When you get out of bed, don't end up stranded, horrified, with each stone" - When it finally hits him, when he finally gets up and faces it, he's left feeling... well, 'stranded, horrified', staring at the obstacles of his own actions and even just the sheer difficulty of existing.

"On the stage, my little dark age" - 'little dark age' refers to a depressive episode, but at the same time, it's very literal for emet, constantly bringing forward dark ages and calamities in horrifying and theatrical manner to bring about the rejoining.

"Picking through the cards, knowing what's nearby" - Emet is constantly looking through his options, not even finishing the current rejoining before moving onto the next, a constant cycle of destruction.

"The carvings on the face say they find it hard" - The original line is about looking through tarot cards in an attempt to reassure oneself, and failing because depression can make even positive signs look like a new obstacle. For Emet, where the cards now signify options for calamities, this changes this line until it reads as if the world itself is struggling to keep up with the demands he's putting on it by rejoining again and again without allowing elidibus to right things and heal the star.

"And the engine's failed again, all limits of disguise" - The engine in question is garlemald, as Varis fails to live up to Emet's requirements. Such is the very literal limit of disguise- there is only so much emet can build and do disguised as a mortal, and unfortunately, this limitation did not supply Varis with the power he needed to follow through on Emet's instructions.

"The humor's not the same, coming from denial" - Emet is constantly joking, but we know, having met him before the sundering, that that humor was not there before. It's something he picked up to cope with and hide his pain from the horrible weight he has taken on.

"Oh-oh, I grieve in stereo, the stereo sounds strange" - Emet grieves, deeply and constantly to a point that it cannot be comprehended from a mortal perspective- to a point that even when we tell him about it in elpis, it sounds strange and surreal to him. He is unable to conceptualize the horrible things he's done, he is unable to conceptualize how badly his future self is hurting to the point that he summons spectres of the dead just to feel less alone. His own grief is strange to him.

"I know that if you hide, it doesn't go away" - Emet immersed himself as Solus, far too much. Enough that he started to hide from his own knowledge of mortals, only to be sharply reminded with the death of his own son, he cannot afford to hide from it, as it will come for him eventually.

"If you get out of bed and find me standing all alone, open-eyed" - The name Solus literally means sole, alone, and it's very fitting. He was alone, and even moreso with the death of his son which quite literally opened his eyes to the fact that even after so many rejoinings, mortals were still weak.

"Burn the page, my little dark age" - The experience I just described is shortly followed on Emet shutting down everything in his mind, quite literally burning the page in the form of waging war across the planet, destroying enemies and bringing the fall of dalamud with the intention of destroying eorzea.

"I grieve in stereo, the stereo sounds strange

You know that if it hides, it doesn't go away

If I get out of bed, you'll see me standing all alone, horrified

On the stage, my little dark age" - This is a repetition of the previous stanza, with mild changes- to me, it brings forth the end of Solus's life and the entering of the next era, Emet bringing forth the calamity of light.

"Giddy with delight, seeing what's to come" - The impending calamity looms on the horizon, everything is in place. It's quite literally visible, light filling the sky and corrupting person after person. He knows the rejoining is soon.

"The image of the dead, dead ends in my mind" - At the same time, he can't set aside his grief. The knowledge that the ruins of Amaurot in the first will be lost in that rejoining is quite literally a dead end in his mind, and he spends more and more time there, clinging to the last remnants of the people he lost.

"Policemen swear to God, love seeping from the guns" - A common theme in Emet's calamities he guides are empires, destructive, conquering, and claiming they know what's better, whether in the name of some god or in the name of Emet himself, they shoot, kill and maim with the claim of love, just as he does.

"I know my friends and I would probably turn and run" - Emet knows how terrifying these calamities are to mortals. After all, he lived through the final days, himself.

"If you get out of bed, come find us heading for the bridge, bring a stone" - He invites the warrior of light to the the tempest, invites them to find him and bring all their light, no matter how destructive.

"All the rage, my little dark age" - Despite all their anger and pain, he knows that nothing will stop his 'little dark age', his rejoining.

"I grieve in stereo, the stereo sounds strange" - Both Emet and the player long for their homes and their worlds to survive, and they cannot hide from the fact that these desires will inherently never coexist.

"I know that if you hide, it doesn't go away" - Just as Emet cannot hide from his grief for the end of his world, the warrior can't hide from their grief, and their guilt, knowing that they are now the source of the final days of the first.

"If you get out of bed and find me standing all alone, open-eyed" - The first scene we get after the full knowledge of the inevitibility of the calamity hits us is us getting up in our room alone, opening the window, and being forced to witness the light sky returned to lakeland, proof of what is coming .

"Burn the page, my little dark age" - Again, Emet is quite literally burning the page, obliterating the first in a rejoining we fuel.

"All alone, open-eyed" - We go to amaurot and face emet, our eyes opened to the depth of his grief, and refuse to stand down, facing him alone.

"Burn the page, my little dark age" - I offer you nothing but the scene where Emet turns and walks into the fires of Amaurot.

[night-dark-woods]

I have been Agonizing over the quote “Hold me like water/ or Christ, hold me like a knife” because it fits Eris so perfectly in regards with her relationships with both Ikora and Mara respectively that I have been wailing into the abyss about it

This can also be said regarding the same quote with Petra/Mara because AAA

YEAH YEAH YEAH that line ALWAYS makes me think of eris. like. im sure you are thinking of the same lorebook sections i am but im pasting them here regardless bc they are just so good but. letters ofc:

Undelivered, damp.

Both crowns have been sundered, and Sky save me but I am unmoored. I have been a blade crying for a hand to wield me for so long, but what is a blade with nothing solid to cut? You will gentle me. You will tell me I can rest. You will try to pull me to the libraries. I cannot. I cannot. I cannot.

& then i think this forsaken lore tab:

This will be my last letter for a long while. The Queen needs me more than the City does. And I need her. When she looks at me, she does not see an invalid, or a madwoman, or a burden.

She sees a Hunter.

She has pointed me at the true enemy, and with her help, I will see my quarry caught.

is fun to compare to this arrivals one:

I ache from the hike. Ikora says I am full of hairline fractures and deep muscle trauma. I never noticed until other pains had healed. The illusions of recovery: one pain obscures another.

There is danger in this traffic with the Pyramid. Kuang Xuan's logs make that plain. But I must continue. I MUST continue. What worth have I ever been, except that I know the enemy?

(More worth, Mara would remind me. I am more than my uses.)

bc clearly sometime in that gap they've had a conversation abt it!!! possibly on their little recon trip where mara DIES and eris has to fetch her back from the ascendant realm, & eris gets gravely injured and mara bandages her thigh homoerotically. which i wonder if thats also when mara told eris her Secret. because eris knows. eris knows mara was the first and she is the ONLY one alive/in this universe who does.

see UNBORN:

The enemy suggests that our rebirth was an evil mistake. How Gnostic—they were a cult (a fleet? a school? a horde?) who believed that the source of all suffering was not in our poor choices but an error of the world's Creator. A false, deluded god. Mara would laugh, or weep.

(lost is not canon to me mara would not fucking tell the guardian that. idr if she tells the YW all of it but i rmb it coming up as part of the "mara is solely responsible for all of uldren's crimes" part of that season.)

god. eris/ikora & eris/mara both drive me nuts. i need to finish my eris/ikora lyricstuck i was working on. im a little over halfway done i think???

ALSO. re: petra, so i never played d1 (started from scratch playing thru it right before TFS though and will be finishing it!) and so while ive read the grimoire cards there's a lot of mission dialogue & item descriptions ive missed, and my friend jackie was sending me some that are eris comforting/bolstering petra post TTK which i think is SO good. thats so fun. two very different knives of the queen & also glad petra had a single person in her corner at least since the paladins were trying to have her assassinated lmfao.