#lonely for me only
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Sketching while streaming s5...
Jonathan Sims I will learn to draw you (this is my doing. I could draw him however I want and I choose to stick with an image of him in my brain that is difficult for me to draw. Masochism.)
Not s5 Mahtins below I enjoyed drawing cuz hes neat:
(Edit: I yassified Martin in the do not separate cuz I wanted his hair fluffier)
#yes I realize Jon and Martin are in different fucking art styles let me live#do not accuse me of being AI this difficulty drawing hands is all natural I worked hard drawing for years just to fucking suck at it#update I listened to 170 I heard it was devastating but my ass was LAUGHING#poor martin but omg me and my buddy had everywhere at the end of time in the background and shit was so funny#he forgor 😭💀#it was emotionally devastating at the end tho Jon suggesting he stay there um btich NO?!#Jon the literal Lonely is not worse tham being around you get a fucking grip#helen continues to be the best character her showing up for the juicy gossip is so fucking real#anyagays#tma#tma podcast#the magnus pod#tma fanart#jonathan sims#the magnus archives#my art#martin blackwood#jonmartin#jmart#tma jmart#tma season 5#tma spoilers#i have to make a diagram for my jon and martin designs for s5 SO bad#if only i could draw jon.... >:(#i need u guys to know that my martin loves plaid and jon is wearing a plaid shirt thats too big in s5... inchresting....
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renaissance dogys
characters belong to @canisalbus
#i love i loveeee ludovica sm shes so cute. ive only known her for 5 min but i fell in love with her design and i love her friendship#with vasco ^_^ i think them having each other makes hiding their sexualities a little less lonely so thats sweet#ik in modern au shes considered an old friend of vascos but i originally assumed she and vasco fake dated in college or smth#to get their parents off their backs until they came out properly and continued to stay in touch as friends after LMAO#im not very familiar with period fashion so i had to look at renaissance costumes as reference. but i have to admit i love the#high waistlines used in some of their dresses.. i have a minidress with a similar high waistline pressed against the chest and sleeves#also if u squint machete is holding a little paper bag in the 2nd photo which is supposed to be his lunch courtesy of vasco <3#idk what ludovica would wear in modern au but i thought poet shirts might suit her because theyre like somewhere evenly between#masc and femme. to me anyway.. based on observation lesbians seem to love poet shirts and i think she looks good in one#these are all shitposts.. ill draw serious art of them one of these days i promise#i listened to fools rush in and it reminds me of them.. especially when it goes 'though i see the danger there / if theres a chance#for me then i dont care' like its so poignant and bittersweet.. a little indulgent when u think of those small moments they have togethr#save me gay catholic furries... gay catholic furries... gay catholic furries save me#my art#myart#doodles#fanart#others ocs#canisalbus#fur#furry art#machete#vasco#vaschete#ludovica#sfw fur#furry#anthro
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The Ballet
My favorite piece so far, it's only about five inches tall but it took me a very long time
#I love my lesbian harlequins#ceramic art#ceramics#clay#clay art#pottery#independent artist#art#clowns#clown art#clownblr#clowncore#harlequin#harlequins#circus#clown#gay#sapphic#wlw#wlw yearning#soft wlw#very lonely when i made this one#pierrot#clay sculpting#sculpture#carving#that chin bothers me every day of my life#its the only part i wish i could fix..#my artwork#porcelain
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Genuinely being a single woman in my thirties, living alone, is such a mixed blessing sometimes. I do love my house and when I'm here I literally never want to leave. But on the other hand, I do get tired of leaving to go hang out with people, even though I love seeing them. Especially because I have such a great group of friends but they live all over the place, geographically, and therefore most of them don't know each other. And I actually really love hosting? But I never have people in my house because logistically it's always more practical for me to go to them than vice versa.
But sometimes I buy new old dishes and wanna just have a little fancy wizard party, but all my guests are far away. Please may I have the teleport spell. Or a high-speed commuter rail system.
#Hazard of moving to a city where i dont have people locally i guess#a very insular city at that#and honestly i am not lonely! I have lovely freinds! But I do miss the college days of everyone basically living in walking distance#in one city#as opposed to now#where DND takes me the width of the state on a weekly basis#usually the only time there are groups of people in my house is around christmas for the family holidays#and like...in the overall balance of my life this works#me going to my people is the logical choice#and its not a bad thing#but most of my friend groups are...local clusters where I am the out-of-towner these days#which again: fine; i knew that going in when I decided to move where I did and overall its the best call#but also sometimes I want to just load up the whole crew in detroit and tell them we're heading to mine this time#dont worry there'll be fancy little finger sammiches when we get there#just give me an excuse to use the wizard plates
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thinking abt this .. the panic :( the way he just holds onto himself :( just tells himself theres work to do : (
also look at the little beetle carapace belle left for him :(((((
#belle : (#kiddo say#it kind of makes sense to me that belle left on her own without cad knowing. i always thought it was a bit mental if he let her#(that was if she didnt leave with colton)#which i thought she did but whatever#i thought it was corrin + constance together (p sure thats still true) . then their dad or calliope next. then colton then belle maybe toge#together. but their dad is still with them.#oh welll#because its me i do wish there was more sad lonely scenes of time passing . but also its only 56 pages so theres not rly room#which is a shame#i want the isolation of it all#cr spoilers#caduceus clay#going to reread later to have clear thoughts bc brain is a bit scrambled
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Apollo's part in God Games!! Decided to throw his prophetic powers into the mix hehe
#my three bullet points for this: he acts like a diva. plays 6D chess with athena. leaves#anyway this thing made me become a procreate dreams hater#turns out the lasso tool missing wasn't the only problem with that app#epic#epic the musical#apollo#athena#god games#scribbles#lonely thoughts
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She has extra PTSD from her time on the surface (other humans aren’t very nice anymore)
#portal#portal 2#chell#glados#chelldos#ominous comfort#I’m sorry I promise I’m doing my best I just haven’t learned how to be human as you are yet#I still don’t know who you are#I only know that I’m still lonely#that morbid sort where even company can’t cure me#I’m not a good person I’m barely a person at all#will wood#them core
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want to know another thing that pains me about charles and sazz's friendship? he felt bad for years about himself for how she was like the better more likable version of him that everyone else wanted when the whole time he was her hero
#omitb#only murders in the building#charles haden savage#sazz pataki#can you tell i go insane for tragic friendships yes its because im lonely#AND THEN WROTE THE MOVIE TO SHOW EVERYONE ELSE HOW INCREDIBLE SHE FOUND HIM?! INSANE THING TO DO TO ME
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Dream’s room within Nightmare’s castle
This comic takes place after Nightmare’s theoretical death that I discussed before >:)
A bit of context under readmore
#realizing how that tiny part of your brother really cared while you were conditioned to believe he hates you down to the core time#mixed with how Nightmare made such a room to feel less lonely as Dream is his only family#all while denying that vulnerability within him to even exist#i’m so bad at environmental art don’t mind the very badly made room#I really wanted to explore this regardless cause fuck art skill i can do whatever the fuck i want and nothing can stop me#anothers art#dreamtale#dream#dream sans#dream!sans#dreamtale dream
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horrible children who are. so so mean to each other
#tlt#the locked tomb#my art#precanon griddlehark dynamic is SO funny. the way they are just no-holds-barred absolutely AWFUL to each other.#the fact that harrow made fun of gideon for saying 'i love you' over her dead mother's grave so gideon nearly choked her to death#and then when gideon recalls this story in gtn she's just like 'yeah lol we were wild kids'#also remember when gideon responded to harrow being kind of bossy with 'your parents must have been so relieved to die' like#imagine saying that knowing full well her parents killed themselves in front of her when she was ten!!!! insane!!#there's no sense of going 'too far' between them. they casually hit what would be considered by most ppl to be 'too far' and then keep going#anyway i don't usually go in for characters-being-kids-together stuff but i will admit that childhood gid+harrow#following each other around absolutely terrorizing each other because they're desperate for each other's attention but also full of#hatred and vitriol#does compel me#like...2 very lonely very traumatized children with only each other for company. what will they do? ENDLESSLY TORTURE EACH OTHER!!!#and yet they are each other's emotional support person. its so good.
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They had a bit of a chance encounter on a day where Blueblood was dealing with something that was very difficult and was so caught up in his emotions he didn’t even care that he was in the garden getting grass stans on his coat and Ditzy, with her natural impulse to cheer ponies up, didn’t even notice or care that she was flying into the palace gardens when she saw someone sat in the rain.
At first he was definitely going to call the castle guards to come apprehend this strange filly with the odd eyes who was intruding when this was the last moment he’d want to entertain any desperate debutantes, however she surprised him by not fawning or anything, not even caring about his status, just putting one of her fluffy wings up and asking if he needed somepony to lend an ear.
“Don’t let my eyes fool you, my ears work just fine!”
She was incredibly disarming and while he didn’t reveal everything about why he was upset, he found himself talking about his feelings to her. And she made such cheerful remarks, and was very comforting. In the end, he felt better and she came to check on him the next day, even sharing a blueberry muffin with him. He remarked that he’d never seen her around before, and that he wouldn’t mind terribly seeing her more often.
The rest, as they say, is history.
#my little pony#mlp#ditzy doo#prince blueblood#my art#mlp g4#mlpfim#mlp fim#my little pony friendship is magic#derpy hooves#swap six#side stars au#my silly pigeon girl and my lonely rich boy you are so important to me…#yes I should draw more stuff besides them I know and I will… i just missed them okay and the ask scratched an itch.#bonus tag lore for those who read my tags: Blueblood is upset about the mysterious disapperance of Sunset Shimmer#Celestia only told Blueblood and Cadence (and Cinch) that she was gone - no details#Cadence is somewhere else struggling in her own way#Blueblood may or may not be so emotional because he blames himself#Blueblood and Sunset bought into Cinch making them compete to be the best#she loved them as much as she was capable but part of having a good reputation means succeeding above all others#and while Cadence rebelled against that mindset the other two didnt. They were more friendly with Cadence than each other.#As Sunset grew angrier and more resentful of not being taken seriously by Celestia (The Fall of Sunset Shimmer for reference)#She fought with Blueblood more and I think he thinks he was the reason she left when in reality it was definitely the least his fault#but he doesnt know that…
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I've been doing a lot of reflection as of late, especially after this past class.
This past class was about the Torah and Tanakh in general, and the way the rabbi talked about the commandments (specifically the ten commandments) has made me really reflect on how I interpret them, specifically the fifth commandment, or honoring your mother and father.
This is a commandment I have wrestled with for a long time - in fact, it brought me away from g-d at multiple times. I was severely abused when I was incredibly young by my mother, and I used to feel insulted at the implication that I were to honor her while she got to live a better life. It was hypocritical, in my eyes.
But this rabbi surmised that this particular commandment was because parenthood is an act of creation, something that is like the g-d from which we come from. My realization is this: I don't think we're necessarily meant to take even these commandments literally.
I this particular commandment is more of a call to honor creation - creation is a gift, and like any gift, many people simply will not like it and will discard it. The person who abused me created me, but she did not honor creation. She didn't honor me, but I can still honor it.
I have started to honor creation much more. I'm too young, too unstable, not mature enough to be a father (though I fantasize about it), but I create all the time. I create relationships, I create with my hands through crochet. I create memories, I create my world. And I can honor who I am and where I came from that made me who I am. I've been learning one of the mother tongues of my family (Italian, since part of my family originates there) and it was judaism that inspired me to do this.
I don't think g-d wants me to honor my abuser. I think He wants me to remember the Holy action of creation. When I am a father, that act of creation will be Holy, and indeed, I am already joyful about the thought.
I have seen many people struggle with this particular commandment, but I think this perspective helps me personally. I don't think I ever have to forgive my abusers (plural), and I don't think I am commanded to simply because they happened to be family. I am commanded to recognize the holy, to elevate the mundane. In doing so, I will remember g-d. Through creation, I honor g-d and everything he has done for us, for me, and for our collective people.
#jumblr#jew by choice#jewish conversion#personal thoughts tag#abuse tw#i am not sharing this for the sake of pity and i also ask not to be told to divulge my abuse story. that isn't relevant#i have been needing to engage with this topic for a long time though and judaism has helped me a bit in navigating healing#but i decided to share this publicly in the hopes it will help other survivors specifically of familial/parental abuse#i know how it feels (in general). it's so lonely and you can really harbor (understandable) baggage about this particular commandment#i have a meeting with My Rabbi (sponsoring rabbi) and i might bring this up. we've only spoken once face-to-face (zoom)#so that might be really Intense to bring up to him but he is very kind and i trust him (which is why he is My Rabbi)#and he has already told me that he WANTS me to wrestle with g-d and His word *with* him#again i am posting this publicly so i can document my thoughts and keep them straight but also with the hope it MIGHT help others#if it even *casually* inspires another survivor i will feel so grateful (though it is THEIR achievement and not mine to claim)#i want us to survive. i want us to eat well. i want us to smile#i will say that this must be a very sudden whiplash in tone from my last post about sex. from sex to awful horrific abuse#my stream of consciousness is just Like This though in the sense that i have very sudden realizations and tonal whiplashes#so you're just getting a very frank look into how my brain is structured and what my brain thinks are important enough to think about#if i seem much more verbose it's because i needed to write this on my laptop which makes typing and more importantly yapping even *easier*
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"this is me on day one of NO rendog !!"
#glad to know hes coping just as well as the rest of us#how in the world does martyn consistently stay the last few green/yellow lifes/ win and yet...#anyways i love the new series if only i could please have more than 2 episodes from martyn thatd be really great thanks#love to see a man get a good beating just kidding pleas#if he dies i will start sobbing trust me#already had me in tears from the first ep#but actually it was wonderful just please if he could make some friends thatd be swell#or not martyn lone wolf arc???#im gonna post this before in hate it because it is 5am and i dont have time to start fixing what was supposed to be a sketch#i really love my yapping in the tags im so sorry#inthelittlewood#itlwart#trafficblr#mcyt#traffic life smp#life series#secret life#secret life smp#life smp#traffic spoilers#my art
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“Regulus would be proud of us,” James whispered quietly to no one in particular, still gripping onto the painting like a life raft.
— Tender Curiosities, Baby! @otrtbs
#tender curiosities baby#art heist baby#james potter fanart#james potter#jegulus#rosekiller#rosekiller fanart#marauders#marauders fanart#evan rosier#barty crouch jr#jegulus fanart#jegulus fanfiction#fic: ahb#art heist baby!#mine#my art#hp#ahb#ive thought about this scene for so long it just took me forever to draw cause once again the anatomy of cars is the bane of my existence#like originally i wanted evan and barty holding hands to be visible to have the contrast of sad lonely james and sad not lonely rosekiller#but alas cars wont allow it#ahb just still has my entire heart you dont get it#i have a none blurry rosekiller and a just james in front of blue with stars version of this but i think ill only put them on insta...#(sneaky end notes: i do have to admit i am not too pleased with evan and barty but this was my first time drawing them)#(so i couldnt figure it out quite yet hency why they look a little. less efforty...)#(also the snake ring is the same design that i drew for chapter 34 of ahb in my little chapter illustrations for my typeset)#((nvm i just checked back and i am fully lying here i used a different one for my typeset and now im vaguely upset oops)#(i shouldnt make decisions only half awake im going to think about this for too long now i am sad))#((like suddenly i was like. hold up. i had a different design there didnt i... it was an open ring goddamnit))
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personally I think this segment is a prelude of the entire book and it hurts a lot more upon reread
#few men more doomed by the narrative than jude st francis. im sorry she never intended it to get better for you man#but she gave you friends and family to stay with you for a little while. to make it not be so lonely#i only wish hed held out his hands to them too and realize he didnt hve to go through it alone#a little life#jude st francis#willem ragnarsson#in the end its fine. i learned from all this suffering. this book changed me#sorry you didnt have to be alone my guy. it didnt have to be so lonely
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Consider. Consider. Artemis with a single braid but she also has highlights. Or ombré. OR BOTH
#think anna from frozen in the middle-end of the first movie#you see it's a) very cool and also b) funny to me specifically#because highlights in italian are called 'colpi di sole'#which. okay it would sound violent in the only way i know how to translate it#but it basically refers to sunlight shining on your hair#in this case i guess they would be called colpi di luna bc. she's a moon goddess#LMAO#lonely thoughts
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