#lol the levels of autism i have to make this are off the charts

[bunnylouisegrimes]

If the American Psycho Fandom were on 4Chan instead of Tumblr:

>We would be called /ap/ , "the offical board for all things pertaining to Bret Easton Ellis's infamous book and the subsequent 2000 movie and musical."

>Sadly, we'd have to deal with the usual 4Chan shenanigans, slurs and toxicity included, we can't change board culture.

>Despite that, there would be a PaulPat thread, PatTim thread, a few other ship threads, and a thread for "the boys" (basically Patrick and his friends, Louis too) and "the girls" (basically the female characters like Evelyn, Courtney, Jean, etc). There would also be individual threads for each character.

>OC general thread, fanfiction and fanart discussion and sharing threads, etc.

>The occasional thread made about deep thoughts or questions pertaining to the movie or book (ie, "why did Patrick do this if xyz," "how did this character do this," "in the book, this person does blah blah blah, explain why").

>Shit post threads (a picture of Craig McDermott for instance with the text "what the fuck was his problem" and the sort).

>Speaking of Craig, maybe we'd joke that he's Craig McDermoot or some stupid shit (referring to moot).

>Maybe a music thread (ie, "what's /ap/ listening to today?" and it's all 80s music).

>Some nasty ass would make the Patrick Bateman cumjar project and stick their funko/figurine in a cumjar and be like, "oops, I boiled it :)" and share the horrifying results.

>There would be smaller threads dedicated to BEE's other works, including The Rules of Attraction, Glamorama, Lunar Park, etc.

>Everyone else from the other boards is confused that the "dubs guy" now has his own board.

>Every time we get dubs, we either post pictures of Patrick like they do or we post pictures of Paul "to be different."

>Greentexts. Greentexts everywhere.

>Eventually, there'd be some weird ass beef with another random board for absolutely no fucking reason and it would result in us reminicing and looking back on "The Great War of Bateman."

>We would unofficially be known as "The Cult of Bateman" or more crudly "Batemanfuckers" or some shit.

(Bascially I have lurked 4Chan on and off for a few years now and I came across a video called "100 most nsfl incidents from 4Chan" or something like that and that instigated in me creating this insanity)

[astrum-medeis]

Astro-observations 🪬🧿 pt. 2

Highlights: pisces, 12h, scorpio, leo, 5h, jupiter, asteroids, taurus, 2h, aquarius, 11h, uranus

🌙 Pisces/12H Moon or Venus loves to love and loves love itself. Romantic hero placement.

🫦 Do you want to seduce a Taurus or 2H Venus? Please all of their senses.

🧍I feel like significant Aquarius, 11th house placements and Uranus-Sun/Moon/Mercury/Asc/Chiron (esp. harsh) aspects tend to be in autism spectrum. I always find these in birth charts of non-neurotypical individuums. People with above placements may find themselves shunned and alienated a lot. They may have hard time making friends with peers because maturity level between them and their peers is like chalk and cheese. They may feel like they do not belong anywhere but universe. They are the black cat who chooses its own path.

👩‍💼 Asteroids Enterprise 9777, Industria 389 and Jobse 215463 will show you what job suits you the most.

🪐 The house of your Jupiter will show you where you're lucky.

E.g. Jupiter in 3rd house – you speak out beautifully in speech and in writing; you are eloquent and persuasive; you're lucky with words, it's your thing

🫠 Saturn in 7th house is such a depressing placement in my opinion. Unlike Chiron, you can not heal your Saturn because it's your karma. Natives have bad luck when it comes to partnerships. They tend to attract toxic people.

🖌️ Do you want to know what is your talent, where you were blessed? Use asteroid Talent 33154 and Bless 92891.

🦁 Almost every Windsor royal family member has a Leo or 5H placements in their big 6. Not surprised though. What is interesting, the King Edward VIII had an Aquarius rising which means he had got a Leo descendant. He abdicated the throne so he could marry his true love, Wallis Simpson (who had an Aquarius rising as well). Furthermore, Prince Harry who's got his Chiron in the 5th house and no Leo placements decided to cut off himself from royality.

🦂 Grigorij Rasputin had a Scorpio Rising, which is actually no surprise considering his entire life 💀 He also had uncommonly high stamina as befits a Pluto and Mars ruled person. And in the end they cut off his peepee and put it into a jar, lol

[hismercytomyjustice]

Please pray for me because I’m about ready to start biting people at work, lol.

I am going to end up in jail for taking a chunk out of someone’s arm while foaming at the mouth.

I was gonna take today off since I had yesterday off for Juneteenth and I’m major stressed about this trip next week. But then we were told we would be going through the agenda for the trip on the call so I was like “cool, makes sense, for the sake of my anxiety/ocd and desperate need to know what the schedule is and be as prepared as possible, I’ll cancel my extra day off so I can go to this meeting.”

TELL ME WHY THEY TOLD US ABSOLUTELY NOTHING ABOUT THE TRIP ASIDE FROM “YOU’LL GET THE AGENDA TOMORROW.”

TOMORROW??? LESS THAN 24 BUSINESS HOURS BEFORE I WILL BE IN NY???

Look. I am not trying to be difficult. I know my need to know as much as possible about something before getting into it is a bit…extreme.

BUT THERE ARE ONLY 19 OF US GOING. HOW HAVE YOU NOT FINALIZED AN AGENDA YET OR AT LEAST GIVEN US A ROUGH MOCKUP OF WHAT TO EXPECT???????

Oh my GOD. I am losing my FUCKING MIND. Oh, but we were told to expect to still be doing our regular work even though we “have a packed schedule.”

WHAT. WHAT.

WHEN. Y’all already got us flying there Monday morning and leaving Wednesday night.

WHEN. WHEN WHEN WHEN????

The level of anxiety I feel at having absolutely no fucking clue what to expect for a trip this close is OFF THE CHARTS.

I don’t feel like I’m asking for the sun and the moon and the stars??? I just want to know basic shit like if I’ll get any breaks (haha, good one), how “packed” the packed schedule is, how much time I’m going to have to mask like my life depends on it, and how much time am I going to have to come down from being around people and being nonstop busy every single day.

Plus the added stress (to me) of having to rush there and rush back home because the multi-billion-dollar company I work for is too stingy to pay for us to either go up Sunday or leave Thursday.

lol I want to fucking cry from frustration.

Literally the whole having ocd thing means I am hardwired to have little to no tolerance of uncertainty/change and desperately desire routine. Plus the fun addition of ADHD means I’m very easily overstimulated and have impaired executive function (which I’m going to need in spades for this damn trip).

That doesn’t even take into account the fact my therapist (who specializes in ocd) says I probably have autism too. There’s a pretty significant rate of comorbidity and an overlap in symptoms between autism and ocd and they often get misdiagnosed for the other because of it.

“The prevalence of OCD is estimated to range from 4.9% to 37.2% in children and adolescents diagnosed with ASD, and from 7% to 24% in adults with ASD.”

A wild range in the state, but still significant enough they’re like “we see the link.”

I was around 18 the first time I was told by a therapist that I might have ocd and lord knows I had symptoms before that. Tbh I’m 99.9% certain my ocd symptoms started around age 12/13. I just didn’t see a therapist for the first time until I was 18 (yaaaay growing up poor!). Then I got told again back in 2022 by another therapist “hey, has anyone ever told you that you might have ocd” and then finally by my ocd specialist therapist (who I wasn’t even seeing for ocd, just exposure therapy which tends to be one of the main treatments for ocd) who was like “you 1000% have pure o ocd” lol. Not her exact words, but that was the sentiment.

Pure o is a bit of a misnomer because a lot of the compulsions are internalized rather than externalized (ex. reassurance seeking, spiraling in an attempt to suppress/ignore distressing thoughts, avoiding situations that may trigger obsessions, exhaustively assessing and reassessing what-ifs…).

My current therapist actually personally has ADHD and specializes in OCD. While she’s not in a position to diagnose someone with autism, she’s still in a good enough spot to say “I’m pretty confident you have it.”

I did get tested for it when I got tested for ADHD at my request, but didn’t get the diagnosis for it. lol after three separate therapists had to consult with each other on whether or not I might have it. I was deemed as “having signs of autism, but not enough autism” lmaooo. The lady who did my assessment was new enough in her career she had to get the results signed off on by a superior (who, if memory serves, also changed in the middle of my assessment) and was told not enough autism. Tho the assessor and my therapist (part of the assessment involved them comparing notes on me) were both like “we see it.”

And ever since then I’ve been trying to figure out if the ambiguity is because I’ve gotten really fucking good at masking or if it’s just because my special brand of adhd/ocd encompasses 2/3 of a whole autism lmaooo. There is little doubt in my mind that, before I learned to mask in my early twenties, I probably would’ve been diagnosed without any hemming and hawing. BUT HERE WE ARE.

The joys of trying to get a diagnosis later in life after you’ve spent decades learning how to fucking cope, or at least fake it well enough to get by.

WHO KNOWS.

I feel mildly less like I might bite someone now, but I’m sure that’s not gonna last. lol. Lord help me.

The timeframe for that is going to be largely dependent on when they finally give us the agenda tomorrow lol. Morning? Minimal risk. Late afternoon? Gonna need a muzzle.

┻━┻︵ \(°□°)/ ︵ ┻━┻

[malleux]

Could I maybe request a matchup? Male/female doesn't matter! I'm nb, and have add and autism which cause me to quickly hyperfixate on things. When I do I tend to talk about them for months, but it can also end very quickly. I also tend to be aloof and stand-offish when I first meet someone but slowly get more hyper when I trust them more. My mood also changes very quick lol. I enjoy drawing and do that quite a lot in my spare time. I also read quite a bit of manga and watch anime! Thank you!

i ship you with...

i’ve been itching to give my gf some love so i am so happy to get to this matchup

you and mona were kind of in the same boat at first. standing off to the side, not interacting with each other much as you helped the traveler investigate the meteorites. eventually, you two slowly grew closer and the rest is history truly

mona is very willing to listen to you talk. sometimes, it’s a great distraction from work or makes for a wonderful background conversation while she does some boring, tedious part of her research

she’s rather level headed, so it’s rather easy for her to take any mood changes you may have head on. if your mood ever switches to anger, she’s not one to get upset with you just for that. she’s understanding

might definitely will ask you to draw her some star charts or constellations. if you don’t want to, that’s fine. but if you do, she’ll shower you with kisses of gratitude

[mikazukikannagisjourney]

A Deeply Personal Post about Suicide

A very personal and dark post about depression, its relapse, and suicide**

*you have been warned*

**A post with a whole lotta trigger warnings~ STAY AWAY if you can’t, or if you must. Otherwise, thank you for taking your time reading. This is not clickbait, and definitely not for the faint-hearted. You have been warned. Don’t blame me for any negative effects**

Yes, there, I have said it. I always had the urge to write this down but I kept getting depressed over and over and I really can’t write it if I’m still in that dark, constricting place. But I am so far OK so I shall be posting this stuff. If this post prevents at least, or even just one person from taking their own life and gets a new lease in life then my broken and torn heart will have its peace. It’s harder to live and easier to die. But if you’re spiritually awakened, then the commitment to stay alive is even more pressing. I salute you for staying alive. You can do it!

OK, that’s enough cheery stuff for now. Anything beyond this point can turn dark and ugly in a manner of letters so again, if this is a strongly-triggering topic for you, and you can’t face it, that’s ok. Just stay away, till you think you can handle this. Also I wrote this on the morning of August 28, 2019 but I also had to purge the energies on this post so it would be healing more than destructive, so it pops up a day later as a queued post.

Edit: accidentally clicked POST instead. Not that I mind, I was gonna anyway. Divine realm kept nagging me so.. here you go. 😆

I *MAY* HAVE BEEN BATTLING DEPRESSION AND SUICIDAL THOUGHTS SINCE I WAS A CHILD

I don’t think I have the need to completely spell out what depression is because again, the internet can do that for you. I will just focus on how it was, and is still manifesting in my life. But how did it materialized in my life then? Well... Mostly I just internalized all of my demons. If I was angry or upset or I feel envy or jealousy, I just sucked it all in. My household growing up was a battlefield of emotional suppression, thus I can’t cry, throw a tantrum, even laugh out loud for being too happy. What’s even more ironic is that I am actually a very emotional person, which made a whole lot of sense once I understood my natal astrological, human design, and gene key charts. So even if my sun was in Gemini and my ascendant in Libra, I pretty much have all the water signs in my chart as well, along with having a strong sacral center that thrives on generating emotionally-charged energy, and that’s where the waterworks come from. Thus the fact that I’m a Gemini cry-baby who gets too-emotional at just about anything makes perfect sense now.

But back to the subject at hand: Emotional Suppression caused my mental instability and depression. Because each time I had to stop expressing what I feel deep inside, I feel like I kept killing a part of me. Each time I kill a part of me, a gaping hole in my heart and soul would grow even larger. Like literally I feel chest pains as a child, which of course don’t show up on laboratory exams and thus I have been deemed healthy, a lot. I already started wanting to kill myself around 7 years of age, because I was forced to grow up quickly so I could take care of my siblings and myself. I really hated myself and the world a lot because I can’t do what I want and I can’t have anything I want, among other things. I mostly play alone, which was fine until the thoughts of wanting to die keep coming up. Maybe for some people these things are nothing, and they’ll start bragging about their own difficulties and that’s OK, I mean, what you feel will always ring true to you, no matter what the world tells you. The brain can lie to you, but your heart and your emotions never will. Feelings and emotions are always true, and what you feel is always valid. If something hurt you or made you happy, it’s because you have those things inside you. If people trigger you deliberately, then that’s on them. If you get triggered by other people, well that’s a whole other matter... BUT, whatever you do when acting under that feeling or emotion is entirely up to you, and you cannot blame other people for making you act in certain ways. Remember, YOU ALWAYS HAVE A CHOICE IN YOUR ACTIONS, THUS THE CONSEQUENCES ARE ALSO OF YOUR OWN DOING. The bottomline is: PLEASE FOR THE LOVE OF GLOB DON’T PLAY DOWN WHAT I AM WRITING HERE AND SAY THAT I’M IN THE WRONG. This entire thing is a personal account, and it’s mine. I get to write this thing because the whole thing is based on what I have experienced. *see? I told you I easily get emotional lol*

I got sidetracked, I apologize. OK, now back to regular programming

Anyway, thoughts of killing myself got even more intense, especially with not meeting parental expectations as well as neglect, abandonment, and rejection issues that popped up as time went on. To be honest though, I was, and still am a bit surprised that I haven’t taken my own life then, and up to this point. Either it’s because I am highly-sensitive to pain *my pain threshold is quite low*, or because I am still trying to find ways to kill myself without the hassle or pain. Basically I fear pain more than death. I guess that’s one of my major motivators for not choosing to end it yet. I just hate physical pain in all forms, even more so right now. So even if it kills me inside, I try to live one day at a time. Back then, I had to live because my siblings need me to cook their food, and I had to do my sister’s homework (she has autism spectrum disorder, which my parents just chose to ignore because they have no idea how to interact with special needs).

How is depression connected with suicide? Well, for one thing the hopelessness, helplessness, feeling worthless, or thinking that living is not worth it can just push a person to the edge. I am quite familiar because I have lost a sizeable number of people ranging from relatives to friends, to classmates and even a work trainee from suicide. I haven’t even counted those who died from natural deaths, those who got killed either in combat or by rebels, or through illnesses. The suicide-related ones just affect me so much because I felt survivor’s guilt, because I haven’t ended my life yet and these “seemingly-happy” people did. My stomach got all knotted up right now, just thinking about it. Especially when I recalled the trainee that killed themselves due to depression. I didn’t mentor them personally but I sorta felt that this person had depression and again, I didn’t reach out. Even then when I was already aware of being an empath and all that jazz. I just gave myself a break after sometime because to be honest, I had no idea how to heal others back then. So... Yeah. But still, survivor’s guilt is real.

RELAPSE ISSUES CONCERNING SUICIDAL THOUGHTS (HOW I HAD THEM)

This is the part where I will be explaining based on my own experiences why some people who were openly-depressed that “seemed” to have gotten a lot happier and brighter suddenly end their own lives with no warnings. Not sure about other people’s ideas, living or dead, but for me, it’s all about the relapse.

Depression relapse, that is. You may be much more familiar with alcoholics or drug-addicts who went to rehab, got all better *or so it seems* but then goes to relapse and either ends up getting even more addicted or worse, having an overdose and dying. Well, again, this is based on my own experiences but for me, because I am not on any kind of medication for my chronic depression so naturally, despite all my conscious efforts on fending it off, it comes back, with a vengeance. All the pain that I feel, all the thoughts that consume what small speck of happiness I have left become even stronger than before, and whatever I did to relieve myself of the pain just stop working no matter how many times I do it. Everything just feels sucky and my pains do not get relieved. I just cry and cry and let the wave pass, allowing a bit of relief, but then they just come back in waves of endless and bottomless anger and feelings of doom and gloom. It feels like I’m forever falling into the abyss of nightmares and frankly, the only solution I see clearly at that point is again, killing myself. Again, because I’m scared of pain, I did whatever I can to escape the pain, thus me ending up learning a lot of bankable and unbankable skills that, quite frankly amused some people I meet once the depression has been controlled somewhat and I got to socialize again.

If I survive long enough to at least raise my happiness levels a bit, I can continue to live, even for a day. I just tell myself “Well, I guess I’ll just have to die another day.” For each time that I tried to escape my pain and my urge to kill myself, I find something new to experience, learn, and have fun with. Thus, the skills I have, the dumb experiences I had, the movies and shows I gave so much of my love to, the ties to people I hold dearly, were not only borne out of a small curiosity, but mostly to prevent myself from ending my life right now. I don’t know how people will react to that, but for me, my hobbies, my passions, are not just due to the fact that these things are worthwhile. For me, these are my LIFELINES. If I didn’t have them, I MIGHT HAVE DIED A LONG TIME AGO. These are also the reasons why despite how many people or the public would shame other people for having weird hobbies or passions, I just let them be happy. I like seeing passionate people, because not only do they look so happy and pure, but also because for me, that might also be their lifeline. So that they CAN STAY ALIVE, because LIFE SUDDENLY HAS MEANING. And who am I to tell them what they or what they cannot do? *unless it’s illegal or hurts other people deliberately, or both. I have limits*

And... Unfortunately, for some of the people who took their own life out of their own accord they may not have been fully aware of it, but when they got out of the funk, they might have thought that YES I AM NOW FREE FROM ALL THAT GUNK. I’M GONNA BE HAPPY, I CAN LOOK FORWARD TO THE FUTURE, ETC. ETC. but noooope, depression is pretty clingy. It comes at the most inconvenient time, right about the time when you thought you’re almost at your goal, or at the time when you feel like you’re about to have that breakthrough. Once anybody who has been recovering from depression falls back into it, the urges, the pain, everything just gets even worse. Everything sucks maybe a hundredfold compared to last time, maybe a million times more. Everything just feels so overwhelming, and heavy, and it cuts through your entire being. The way out just got caved in and now there is no way out other than suicide. THAT FEELS AND SEEMS LIKE THE ONLY WAY. And for some of these people who actually take the plunge and succeed, this is the part where their loved ones who were left behind would comment things like “But I thought they were happy.. They were looking forward to the future.. They had so many plans.. They weren’t showing any signs...” etc. etc. Of course they won’t, and they probably had plans. If anything, they probably wanted to get out of the funk for the rest of eternity. BUt DEPRESSION IS ONE CLINGY F****R my friends, seriously. It is. It will slam everything in your face if it isn’t properly handled, either though holistic means or modern medicine methods, it will certainly choke out the light of any person who just do not have the means to fight it, let alone keep it at bay. Especially when it gets pushed aside. A lot. Each time you succeed at pushing it away or dealing with it, if it creeps into your being, even through just a small crack, it comes to you with a force stronger than a wrecking ball. It’s more of an avalanche. And it will bulldoze anything away till the entire path has been completely covered. Still scary as heck. Thus with each round of its return, it gets more and more strong, thus the need for better ways of fending it off. Or better yet, just facing it head on by all means necessary.

FACING (MY) DEPRESSION HEAD-ON (BY ALL MEANS NECESSARY)

Disclaimer: Again, before I start this section, I will remind everyone that this entire post is all my personal experiences as well as my own opinions on this matter, so please do not take this as a medical or health advice. You can take this as a spiritual advice and you can even ask me about it. I’m glad to help. Other than that, please seek professional help. BY ALL MEANS NECESSARY. I am not responsible for any losses of any kind due to following my own personal methods here, any bodily harm or mental injuries sustained by the end user are done of their own accord, and I am not liable for such losses. Everything here with regards to methods are RISKS. YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED.

OK. Now that’s out of the way, I will now write here how I deal with my own depression and suicidal thoughts,assuming that I’m still here. I’m not saying that I will not kill myself yet, but I am fully aware that other things can kill me and therefore those won’t count. Also, I haven’t watched the entire Fantastic Beasts franchise yet, and my need-to-watch anime and series lineup is still long, plus Avatar The Last Airbender is gonna be on Netflix next year so nope, I still need to live. 

Kidding aside, here is what I USED TO DO whenever the relapse comes in full-swing:

Binge-watch anything I’m interested in

Binge-read whatever is available

Binge-doing whatever activity I’m into at the moment (drawing, reading Tarot cards, learning Japanese, cooking weird food, etc.)

Binge-like anything on my tumblr feeds

Get super-obsessed with the canon and headcannon biographies of fictional characters (Hi wikia and AO3 lolol)

Cry and cry and cry even if I don’t know why (It doesn’t even matter how hard I try lolol did you sing that part in your head lol kidding I am trying to lighten up things here)

Of course, after doing all of these, I eventually end up wanting to die because the problem or the cause of my depression remains unsolved. Notice that I didn’t put “contacting close friends” or “connecting to loved ones” there. Because I don’t. I was never raised to ask for help, I was raised to do shit alone. And that also killed a huge part of me because quite frankly, I know that I need help but whenever I tried to reach out I get put-out or shushed, so eventually I never bothered to ask for any help. I just stuck it out all alone. While this method is typically great for doing GROUP PROJECTS by yourself (and cursing the other members out loud or in your head), this is definitely NOT ADVISABLE when dealing with mental health issues. Of course I didn’t know these back then, there was no internet, I didn’t have friends or relatives to talk to, plus I had no idea (or the people around me for that matter) that I was actually depressed. At 7 years old. Maybe 6. Around that time. This was in the early 90s.

But in this day and age, thanks to the internet, more and more information can be shared. Even better is that support groups are actually available, and you can join forums too, so people get to share so many stuff. Of course, I tried that, and it worked for about 6 months before I realized that in most groups I joined in, they weren’t exactly dealing with the depression in the most empowering way, so I got stuck in the victim mentality for a very long time. And the cycles of off-on depression mode kept getting worse each time. That’s when I decided to do things differently, and again, without drugs. FACING THE DEMONS IN MY HEAD is what I call it.

These are currently my go-to combination of methods when dealing with a depression relapse:

Shadow Work - Originally by Carl Jung, the principle is basic: identify the parts of yourself that you rejected due to external pressure, and heal them by understanding why it was rejected and suppressed, releasing the emotional charge by crying it out or something to that effect, and accepting that rejected part fully and without any regret. These aren’t the exact steps by Jung, but I just modified the method for myself. It’s pretty harsh because you need to face past trauma without any emotional attachments, and well, it can also do more harm than good. Only recommended to be done with a professional. Unless you’re a masochist. Just search the internet for Carl Jung and Shadow work for more info, I’m sure it’s quite famous.

Inner child healing - same as previous, but this time focusing more on the inner child (duh). Usually anything that persists for me, I would readily attribute to inner child issues so I would go to that part of myself and relive the trauma. Then pat my inner child and hug her till I stopped crying. By the way, crying is definitely included in almost every step. It’s soothing and also is a great way to transmute trauma. Provided that you’re fully aware of how the trauma happened and you’re able to release it fully. Again, if symptoms persist, consult a professional.

Kundalini Yoga and Meditation - amazingly there are many methods or kriyas and some are for dealing with depression. I call this method “killing two birds with one stone”, mainly because you get a real hard-core workout especially the upper body, and you lift your spirits up. Just search the internet for various methods, but I think 3HO is the one-stop shop for binge-reads. Again, crying is very much a part of this method because at some point, it will all just flow out.

Sound therapy - crystal singing bowls, gongs, tingshas, binaural sounds, isochronic music, subliminal messages, the works. I usually go to Youtube and just binge whatever I need at the moment. Sometimes I feel at peace, other times I just randomly cry. It just happens.

Energetic healing - again, there are numerous methods. I usually go for Reiki since it works for me, and because I can channel a bit more energy either from the original video or music, or on my own. Crying is again, an optional but very helpful step.

Emotion Code - This is the latest method I have learned, and tried. Created by Dr. Bradley Nelson, this method allows suppressed emotions, those you experienced yourself as well as the ones you inherited to be released from your body. You only need this chart, a fridge magnet, and determination. Also crying, if you can.

The stuff in my WHAT I USED TO DO list. - Seriously, self-healing depression is a very tiring and exhausting activity. Please, by all means, make yourself happy. In fact, YOU HAVE TO CHOOSE TO BE HAPPY TO SURVIVE THIS GRUELLING ACTIVITY. Whatever means necessary. Don’t worry, I won’t judge.

Other methods I tried in the past:

Parts work - It is like Shadow Work, but the rejected parts of your self have different age groups. I discovered it before Shadow work and for a while I tried my best to do it, but I still didn’t mesh with it after 2 months so I did Shadow Work instead. Maybe I’m just not cut out for it. I recommend the late Pete Gerlach’s website for more info and even methods and stuff. Super-educational, with some drawbacks. Still it maybe useful for others so please take a look.

Diet adjustments - Some say that food and nutrition affects moods,and maybe yeah, because many foods do create metabolites that become converted into chemicals that eventually become hormones. But for me, it didn’t work as well as the other methods. I mean, I eat a lot of veggies and fruit even before I was depressed and spritually awakened, and quite frankly nothing in this area changed me so I don’t include this in my list.

Again, note that I still haven’t included talking to other people in my list. Because again, I just can’t accept help properly, and I still want to do things on my own. HOWEVER, I tell the people I care for the most and also care for me that I HAD a depression relapse. I tell them after I won the battle, even for that moment. It kinda helps a lot. But this time I don’t want to energetically tie myself to others, I have to transmute my own shit so people won’t have to get mine. I also shield myself so their stuff won’t stick to me. It’s how I understand how karma should be worked out of our systems, it’s a DIY thing. Otherwise you just add more karma on top of your own.

Well, I don't know how to end this post, apart from the fact that this is still an on-going process for me. Case in point, honestly I am literally crying right now as I type this last part out. It took me 5 hours to type and it's a post worth almost my entire life so far, but I hope it's all worth it, for anyone who needs help in any way. I am not glorifying depression or suicide or even addictions here, I am putting this out there as information. This post has been at the back of my mind since the Lion's gate but I relapsed and I just got back so I could write it as orderly as I can. So please, I hope this post won't be misquoted or skewed or even be taken out of context. Again, this is mostly for educational purposes only. Especially when you feel like you're in the dark night of the soul.

Anyway, I hope this was helpful in any way possible. If you need any help *spiritual and/or energetic only, not a doctor guys* just shoot a comment or a message, and I'll see what I can do.

I hope you find the healing you seek. In love and hugs from Source above.

Mikazuki

三日月

**Special Note: While this whole thing is free to heart, share, attach a link-back of the original html (href, if you know what I mean), and to cite in any style (APA, MLA, Turabian, etc.) around 10-20% of its content, please, under any circumstances, FOR THE LOVE OF GLOB DO NOT COPY AND PASTE AND DECLARE THIS AS YOUR OWN. These are my own personal experiences, basically these are parts of myself that I need to transmute in order to heal. However, as this is already an output it is now included in the do-not-steal-entirely-or-else sections of the internet. Especially for people who just simply steal other people’s work as their own. I used to work as an editor and even now I do my best to cite sources, or at the very least insert links to sources that I actually used. Be respectful of content creators, large or small. Don’t take away from us the things that we made with all of our hearts. Those are the only things that help keep us up. Also, because you have no right do that you know. And just a reminder, Karma is a real b****. Just saying. Thank you very much for understanding. PS. If you found the information in this post to be very helpful, insightful, and of great value to you and your own personal journey, please feel free to reblog, share and heart/like, or if you feel super-generous, energetic exchanges are welcomed! Please click here and use this email address: may_chan_otaku@yahoo.comThank you so much and be blessed!