#also a post on why seemingly-happy people suddenly kill themselves

[mikazukikannagisjourney]

A Deeply Personal Post about Suicide

A very personal and dark post about depression, its relapse, and suicide**

*you have been warned*

**A post with a whole lotta trigger warnings~ STAY AWAY if you can’t, or if you must. Otherwise, thank you for taking your time reading. This is not clickbait, and definitely not for the faint-hearted. You have been warned. Don’t blame me for any negative effects**

Yes, there, I have said it. I always had the urge to write this down but I kept getting depressed over and over and I really can’t write it if I’m still in that dark, constricting place. But I am so far OK so I shall be posting this stuff. If this post prevents at least, or even just one person from taking their own life and gets a new lease in life then my broken and torn heart will have its peace. It’s harder to live and easier to die. But if you’re spiritually awakened, then the commitment to stay alive is even more pressing. I salute you for staying alive. You can do it!

OK, that’s enough cheery stuff for now. Anything beyond this point can turn dark and ugly in a manner of letters so again, if this is a strongly-triggering topic for you, and you can’t face it, that’s ok. Just stay away, till you think you can handle this. Also I wrote this on the morning of August 28, 2019 but I also had to purge the energies on this post so it would be healing more than destructive, so it pops up a day later as a queued post.

Edit: accidentally clicked POST instead. Not that I mind, I was gonna anyway. Divine realm kept nagging me so.. here you go. 😆

I *MAY* HAVE BEEN BATTLING DEPRESSION AND SUICIDAL THOUGHTS SINCE I WAS A CHILD

I don’t think I have the need to completely spell out what depression is because again, the internet can do that for you. I will just focus on how it was, and is still manifesting in my life. But how did it materialized in my life then? Well... Mostly I just internalized all of my demons. If I was angry or upset or I feel envy or jealousy, I just sucked it all in. My household growing up was a battlefield of emotional suppression, thus I can’t cry, throw a tantrum, even laugh out loud for being too happy. What’s even more ironic is that I am actually a very emotional person, which made a whole lot of sense once I understood my natal astrological, human design, and gene key charts. So even if my sun was in Gemini and my ascendant in Libra, I pretty much have all the water signs in my chart as well, along with having a strong sacral center that thrives on generating emotionally-charged energy, and that’s where the waterworks come from. Thus the fact that I’m a Gemini cry-baby who gets too-emotional at just about anything makes perfect sense now.

But back to the subject at hand: Emotional Suppression caused my mental instability and depression. Because each time I had to stop expressing what I feel deep inside, I feel like I kept killing a part of me. Each time I kill a part of me, a gaping hole in my heart and soul would grow even larger. Like literally I feel chest pains as a child, which of course don’t show up on laboratory exams and thus I have been deemed healthy, a lot. I already started wanting to kill myself around 7 years of age, because I was forced to grow up quickly so I could take care of my siblings and myself. I really hated myself and the world a lot because I can’t do what I want and I can’t have anything I want, among other things. I mostly play alone, which was fine until the thoughts of wanting to die keep coming up. Maybe for some people these things are nothing, and they’ll start bragging about their own difficulties and that’s OK, I mean, what you feel will always ring true to you, no matter what the world tells you. The brain can lie to you, but your heart and your emotions never will. Feelings and emotions are always true, and what you feel is always valid. If something hurt you or made you happy, it’s because you have those things inside you. If people trigger you deliberately, then that’s on them. If you get triggered by other people, well that’s a whole other matter... BUT, whatever you do when acting under that feeling or emotion is entirely up to you, and you cannot blame other people for making you act in certain ways. Remember, YOU ALWAYS HAVE A CHOICE IN YOUR ACTIONS, THUS THE CONSEQUENCES ARE ALSO OF YOUR OWN DOING. The bottomline is: PLEASE FOR THE LOVE OF GLOB DON’T PLAY DOWN WHAT I AM WRITING HERE AND SAY THAT I’M IN THE WRONG. This entire thing is a personal account, and it’s mine. I get to write this thing because the whole thing is based on what I have experienced. *see? I told you I easily get emotional lol*

I got sidetracked, I apologize. OK, now back to regular programming

Anyway, thoughts of killing myself got even more intense, especially with not meeting parental expectations as well as neglect, abandonment, and rejection issues that popped up as time went on. To be honest though, I was, and still am a bit surprised that I haven’t taken my own life then, and up to this point. Either it’s because I am highly-sensitive to pain *my pain threshold is quite low*, or because I am still trying to find ways to kill myself without the hassle or pain. Basically I fear pain more than death. I guess that’s one of my major motivators for not choosing to end it yet. I just hate physical pain in all forms, even more so right now. So even if it kills me inside, I try to live one day at a time. Back then, I had to live because my siblings need me to cook their food, and I had to do my sister’s homework (she has autism spectrum disorder, which my parents just chose to ignore because they have no idea how to interact with special needs).

How is depression connected with suicide? Well, for one thing the hopelessness, helplessness, feeling worthless, or thinking that living is not worth it can just push a person to the edge. I am quite familiar because I have lost a sizeable number of people ranging from relatives to friends, to classmates and even a work trainee from suicide. I haven’t even counted those who died from natural deaths, those who got killed either in combat or by rebels, or through illnesses. The suicide-related ones just affect me so much because I felt survivor’s guilt, because I haven’t ended my life yet and these “seemingly-happy” people did. My stomach got all knotted up right now, just thinking about it. Especially when I recalled the trainee that killed themselves due to depression. I didn’t mentor them personally but I sorta felt that this person had depression and again, I didn’t reach out. Even then when I was already aware of being an empath and all that jazz. I just gave myself a break after sometime because to be honest, I had no idea how to heal others back then. So... Yeah. But still, survivor’s guilt is real.

RELAPSE ISSUES CONCERNING SUICIDAL THOUGHTS (HOW I HAD THEM)

This is the part where I will be explaining based on my own experiences why some people who were openly-depressed that “seemed” to have gotten a lot happier and brighter suddenly end their own lives with no warnings. Not sure about other people’s ideas, living or dead, but for me, it’s all about the relapse.

Depression relapse, that is. You may be much more familiar with alcoholics or drug-addicts who went to rehab, got all better *or so it seems* but then goes to relapse and either ends up getting even more addicted or worse, having an overdose and dying. Well, again, this is based on my own experiences but for me, because I am not on any kind of medication for my chronic depression so naturally, despite all my conscious efforts on fending it off, it comes back, with a vengeance. All the pain that I feel, all the thoughts that consume what small speck of happiness I have left become even stronger than before, and whatever I did to relieve myself of the pain just stop working no matter how many times I do it. Everything just feels sucky and my pains do not get relieved. I just cry and cry and let the wave pass, allowing a bit of relief, but then they just come back in waves of endless and bottomless anger and feelings of doom and gloom. It feels like I’m forever falling into the abyss of nightmares and frankly, the only solution I see clearly at that point is again, killing myself. Again, because I’m scared of pain, I did whatever I can to escape the pain, thus me ending up learning a lot of bankable and unbankable skills that, quite frankly amused some people I meet once the depression has been controlled somewhat and I got to socialize again.

If I survive long enough to at least raise my happiness levels a bit, I can continue to live, even for a day. I just tell myself “Well, I guess I’ll just have to die another day.” For each time that I tried to escape my pain and my urge to kill myself, I find something new to experience, learn, and have fun with. Thus, the skills I have, the dumb experiences I had, the movies and shows I gave so much of my love to, the ties to people I hold dearly, were not only borne out of a small curiosity, but mostly to prevent myself from ending my life right now. I don’t know how people will react to that, but for me, my hobbies, my passions, are not just due to the fact that these things are worthwhile. For me, these are my LIFELINES. If I didn’t have them, I MIGHT HAVE DIED A LONG TIME AGO. These are also the reasons why despite how many people or the public would shame other people for having weird hobbies or passions, I just let them be happy. I like seeing passionate people, because not only do they look so happy and pure, but also because for me, that might also be their lifeline. So that they CAN STAY ALIVE, because LIFE SUDDENLY HAS MEANING. And who am I to tell them what they or what they cannot do? *unless it’s illegal or hurts other people deliberately, or both. I have limits*

And... Unfortunately, for some of the people who took their own life out of their own accord they may not have been fully aware of it, but when they got out of the funk, they might have thought that YES I AM NOW FREE FROM ALL THAT GUNK. I’M GONNA BE HAPPY, I CAN LOOK FORWARD TO THE FUTURE, ETC. ETC. but noooope, depression is pretty clingy. It comes at the most inconvenient time, right about the time when you thought you’re almost at your goal, or at the time when you feel like you’re about to have that breakthrough. Once anybody who has been recovering from depression falls back into it, the urges, the pain, everything just gets even worse. Everything sucks maybe a hundredfold compared to last time, maybe a million times more. Everything just feels so overwhelming, and heavy, and it cuts through your entire being. The way out just got caved in and now there is no way out other than suicide. THAT FEELS AND SEEMS LIKE THE ONLY WAY. And for some of these people who actually take the plunge and succeed, this is the part where their loved ones who were left behind would comment things like “But I thought they were happy.. They were looking forward to the future.. They had so many plans.. They weren’t showing any signs...” etc. etc. Of course they won’t, and they probably had plans. If anything, they probably wanted to get out of the funk for the rest of eternity. BUt DEPRESSION IS ONE CLINGY F****R my friends, seriously. It is. It will slam everything in your face if it isn’t properly handled, either though holistic means or modern medicine methods, it will certainly choke out the light of any person who just do not have the means to fight it, let alone keep it at bay. Especially when it gets pushed aside. A lot. Each time you succeed at pushing it away or dealing with it, if it creeps into your being, even through just a small crack, it comes to you with a force stronger than a wrecking ball. It’s more of an avalanche. And it will bulldoze anything away till the entire path has been completely covered. Still scary as heck. Thus with each round of its return, it gets more and more strong, thus the need for better ways of fending it off. Or better yet, just facing it head on by all means necessary.

FACING (MY) DEPRESSION HEAD-ON (BY ALL MEANS NECESSARY)

Disclaimer: Again, before I start this section, I will remind everyone that this entire post is all my personal experiences as well as my own opinions on this matter, so please do not take this as a medical or health advice. You can take this as a spiritual advice and you can even ask me about it. I’m glad to help. Other than that, please seek professional help. BY ALL MEANS NECESSARY. I am not responsible for any losses of any kind due to following my own personal methods here, any bodily harm or mental injuries sustained by the end user are done of their own accord, and I am not liable for such losses. Everything here with regards to methods are RISKS. YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED.

OK. Now that’s out of the way, I will now write here how I deal with my own depression and suicidal thoughts,assuming that I’m still here. I’m not saying that I will not kill myself yet, but I am fully aware that other things can kill me and therefore those won’t count. Also, I haven’t watched the entire Fantastic Beasts franchise yet, and my need-to-watch anime and series lineup is still long, plus Avatar The Last Airbender is gonna be on Netflix next year so nope, I still need to live. 

Kidding aside, here is what I USED TO DO whenever the relapse comes in full-swing:

Binge-watch anything I’m interested in

Binge-read whatever is available

Binge-doing whatever activity I’m into at the moment (drawing, reading Tarot cards, learning Japanese, cooking weird food, etc.)

Binge-like anything on my tumblr feeds

Get super-obsessed with the canon and headcannon biographies of fictional characters (Hi wikia and AO3 lolol)

Cry and cry and cry even if I don’t know why (It doesn’t even matter how hard I try lolol did you sing that part in your head lol kidding I am trying to lighten up things here)

Of course, after doing all of these, I eventually end up wanting to die because the problem or the cause of my depression remains unsolved. Notice that I didn’t put “contacting close friends” or “connecting to loved ones” there. Because I don’t. I was never raised to ask for help, I was raised to do shit alone. And that also killed a huge part of me because quite frankly, I know that I need help but whenever I tried to reach out I get put-out or shushed, so eventually I never bothered to ask for any help. I just stuck it out all alone. While this method is typically great for doing GROUP PROJECTS by yourself (and cursing the other members out loud or in your head), this is definitely NOT ADVISABLE when dealing with mental health issues. Of course I didn’t know these back then, there was no internet, I didn’t have friends or relatives to talk to, plus I had no idea (or the people around me for that matter) that I was actually depressed. At 7 years old. Maybe 6. Around that time. This was in the early 90s.

But in this day and age, thanks to the internet, more and more information can be shared. Even better is that support groups are actually available, and you can join forums too, so people get to share so many stuff. Of course, I tried that, and it worked for about 6 months before I realized that in most groups I joined in, they weren’t exactly dealing with the depression in the most empowering way, so I got stuck in the victim mentality for a very long time. And the cycles of off-on depression mode kept getting worse each time. That’s when I decided to do things differently, and again, without drugs. FACING THE DEMONS IN MY HEAD is what I call it.

These are currently my go-to combination of methods when dealing with a depression relapse:

Shadow Work - Originally by Carl Jung, the principle is basic: identify the parts of yourself that you rejected due to external pressure, and heal them by understanding why it was rejected and suppressed, releasing the emotional charge by crying it out or something to that effect, and accepting that rejected part fully and without any regret. These aren’t the exact steps by Jung, but I just modified the method for myself. It’s pretty harsh because you need to face past trauma without any emotional attachments, and well, it can also do more harm than good. Only recommended to be done with a professional. Unless you’re a masochist. Just search the internet for Carl Jung and Shadow work for more info, I’m sure it’s quite famous.

Inner child healing - same as previous, but this time focusing more on the inner child (duh). Usually anything that persists for me, I would readily attribute to inner child issues so I would go to that part of myself and relive the trauma. Then pat my inner child and hug her till I stopped crying. By the way, crying is definitely included in almost every step. It’s soothing and also is a great way to transmute trauma. Provided that you’re fully aware of how the trauma happened and you’re able to release it fully. Again, if symptoms persist, consult a professional.

Kundalini Yoga and Meditation - amazingly there are many methods or kriyas and some are for dealing with depression. I call this method “killing two birds with one stone”, mainly because you get a real hard-core workout especially the upper body, and you lift your spirits up. Just search the internet for various methods, but I think 3HO is the one-stop shop for binge-reads. Again, crying is very much a part of this method because at some point, it will all just flow out.

Sound therapy - crystal singing bowls, gongs, tingshas, binaural sounds, isochronic music, subliminal messages, the works. I usually go to Youtube and just binge whatever I need at the moment. Sometimes I feel at peace, other times I just randomly cry. It just happens.

Energetic healing - again, there are numerous methods. I usually go for Reiki since it works for me, and because I can channel a bit more energy either from the original video or music, or on my own. Crying is again, an optional but very helpful step.

Emotion Code - This is the latest method I have learned, and tried. Created by Dr. Bradley Nelson, this method allows suppressed emotions, those you experienced yourself as well as the ones you inherited to be released from your body. You only need this chart, a fridge magnet, and determination. Also crying, if you can.

The stuff in my WHAT I USED TO DO list. - Seriously, self-healing depression is a very tiring and exhausting activity. Please, by all means, make yourself happy. In fact, YOU HAVE TO CHOOSE TO BE HAPPY TO SURVIVE THIS GRUELLING ACTIVITY. Whatever means necessary. Don’t worry, I won’t judge.

Other methods I tried in the past:

Parts work - It is like Shadow Work, but the rejected parts of your self have different age groups. I discovered it before Shadow work and for a while I tried my best to do it, but I still didn’t mesh with it after 2 months so I did Shadow Work instead. Maybe I’m just not cut out for it. I recommend the late Pete Gerlach’s website for more info and even methods and stuff. Super-educational, with some drawbacks. Still it maybe useful for others so please take a look.

Diet adjustments - Some say that food and nutrition affects moods,and maybe yeah, because many foods do create metabolites that become converted into chemicals that eventually become hormones. But for me, it didn’t work as well as the other methods. I mean, I eat a lot of veggies and fruit even before I was depressed and spritually awakened, and quite frankly nothing in this area changed me so I don’t include this in my list.

Again, note that I still haven’t included talking to other people in my list. Because again, I just can’t accept help properly, and I still want to do things on my own. HOWEVER, I tell the people I care for the most and also care for me that I HAD a depression relapse. I tell them after I won the battle, even for that moment. It kinda helps a lot. But this time I don’t want to energetically tie myself to others, I have to transmute my own shit so people won’t have to get mine. I also shield myself so their stuff won’t stick to me. It’s how I understand how karma should be worked out of our systems, it’s a DIY thing. Otherwise you just add more karma on top of your own.

Well, I don't know how to end this post, apart from the fact that this is still an on-going process for me. Case in point, honestly I am literally crying right now as I type this last part out. It took me 5 hours to type and it's a post worth almost my entire life so far, but I hope it's all worth it, for anyone who needs help in any way. I am not glorifying depression or suicide or even addictions here, I am putting this out there as information. This post has been at the back of my mind since the Lion's gate but I relapsed and I just got back so I could write it as orderly as I can. So please, I hope this post won't be misquoted or skewed or even be taken out of context. Again, this is mostly for educational purposes only. Especially when you feel like you're in the dark night of the soul.

Anyway, I hope this was helpful in any way possible. If you need any help *spiritual and/or energetic only, not a doctor guys* just shoot a comment or a message, and I'll see what I can do.

I hope you find the healing you seek. In love and hugs from Source above.

Mikazuki

三日月

**Special Note: While this whole thing is free to heart, share, attach a link-back of the original html (href, if you know what I mean), and to cite in any style (APA, MLA, Turabian, etc.) around 10-20% of its content, please, under any circumstances, FOR THE LOVE OF GLOB DO NOT COPY AND PASTE AND DECLARE THIS AS YOUR OWN. These are my own personal experiences, basically these are parts of myself that I need to transmute in order to heal. However, as this is already an output it is now included in the do-not-steal-entirely-or-else sections of the internet. Especially for people who just simply steal other people’s work as their own. I used to work as an editor and even now I do my best to cite sources, or at the very least insert links to sources that I actually used. Be respectful of content creators, large or small. Don’t take away from us the things that we made with all of our hearts. Those are the only things that help keep us up. Also, because you have no right do that you know. And just a reminder, Karma is a real b****. Just saying. Thank you very much for understanding. PS. If you found the information in this post to be very helpful, insightful, and of great value to you and your own personal journey, please feel free to reblog, share and heart/like, or if you feel super-generous, energetic exchanges are welcomed! Please click here and use this email address: may_chan_otaku@yahoo.comThank you so much and be blessed!

[thebakunawa]

Paint me in trust

Cross posted from my archive I’m just here to vibe and be gay

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“I don’t settle. I’m not made that way.” You smile, flagging another drink for yourself and raising it to her as she smirks. “Then what will it take to change your mind?” “A lot more drinks, for starters.” She smiles back, her teeth seemingly glinting under the light of the bar and you nod, clinking your glasses together. “I can do that.” “What do you want, demonio?” Revenant chuckles, his voice the familiar cold and steel that haunted her nightmares. He leans against the doorframe of the room they were in. His cold eyes looking over the room where the USB is located. She notes this, because her hand goes to her little pack, securing it. “Relax.” His voice echoes in the room. “I’m not after that,” “Then what are you after, demon?” She sneers. “Why are you here?” “A little courtesy call.” He says standing up properly and grinning. “How are you and your, pet?” She immediately tenses, her expression cold. “I have no idea what you’re talking about.” “Don’t play coy with me, girl.” He tuts, stepping over a dead body. Loba doesn’t move back, instead standing her ground as Revenant moves a little closer. “We know about her, your little, pet.” “Whatever business or interest you have with her, you can conduct.” The bitterness is in her voice. “I have no care about it. What she does with her life is on her.” Revenant laughs, and Loba finds herself cringing, the hair on her arms rising in a mix of fear and barely contained anger. “If this concludes our business, then I suggest you leave. We’re done here.” She turns on her heel, walking out, pulling out her Jumpdrive, and readying herself to go when Revenant speaks up again. “Did you know she did it for you?” The words make her pause, and she berates herself for turning around. For looking at the obvious trap the demon had set but it was interesting news. “What do you mean?” “We’ve all heard of what broke your relationship,” he sounds happy with himself, his voice reeking with delight it makes Loba’s guts sick and twist. “And I know what happened.” “You sound like click-bait.” She deadpans. “It’s done. It’s history. She made a mistake and I moved on from her.” She tries not to betray the emotions that swirl in her chest, the sharp ache that never leaves every time she is reminded of you and your treachery. “Tsk, little girl, you never learn.” Revenant laughs and before Loba can tell him to fuck off or any other variation of it, he tosses her another USB. She catches it easily, the device cold to the touch and Revenant has stepped back, making his way through the door he entered. “I suggest you watch it.” He says, pausing to looking behind him and offer her one last smile. “I’ll tell you when I find her—you might want to be present at least for her funeral.” He disappears soon after, just before she can reply. She grits her teeth, and sighs, looking at the USB in her hand and it’s decorated to look like a wolf head. She considers breaking it for a moment but Revenant has never gone this out of the way to offer her anything. Against her better judgment, she pockets the USB, readying herself before jumping out and throwing her Jumpdrive. Letting the air rush past her calm her as she runs back to her home.

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You’ve known for months they’d come for you. You did your best to hide. You’ve laid low, survived off of the odd jobs here and there. You’ve also killed your fair share of people, garnering a vanishing vigilante/mercenary that never lingered too long. But you were new to this game, you weren’t a seasoned outlaw, nor were you blessed with the resources some of the hunters hunted you with. More than once you’ve only barely managed to save yourself from walking into a trap set by hunters for the device. You’ve killed even more when you entered them without meaning to. Somedays you wonder if any of this was worth it. After all, you’re dead to her. If you ever showed face to Loba she’d probably greet you with a bullet and a kick to the groin. Then again, given what you’ve gone through, the idea sounds a lot more tempting and needed. But you know you owe it to her, she trusted you. Even if you did betray it, you intend to see the promise through. You remember the hurt in her eyes, the way she had pushed you back and you knew, you’d never reach through to her. The smiles you’ve gotten, the secret vulnerability she had shared, all a memory now, and you’re left with the cold, heart-wrenching memory of her pulling her gun out at you. “Go.” She says, the laser dot in between your eyes. “Consider this my mercy.” But you both know you didn’t deserve her mercy. You ran from her like a coward, you knew she wouldn’t believe you. Not after you had gone behind her back to give crucial information. Not that you were held at gunpoint or tortured for it. Your mind lingers to the burn marks at the base of your neck or the hot iron on your thigh. You sold her out, the worst crime to do. At least that’s what everyone thought. You gave them enough information to make it factual, but you gave it in disorder. You gave half guesses and half-truths, and you knew the moment they found out you had actually lied they’d sent people after you. It was only time they’d send Revenant after you. You know he’s there before you even open the door. The cold that seeps from the other side makes the hair on your arms rise. You’re exhausted, having barely escaped from a skirmish earlier and a part of you wants to ignore it and simply let yourself get taken but you know it would be a fate worse than death. So you pause, looking out at the window, wondering if you’ll die if you’ll be injured if you fall—and test it out only seconds later when you hear the familiar hiss of his Silence and you immediately launch yourself out the window. Your eyes close and as you break the glass, falling for a few seconds before you open them and roll safely onto the ground. There’s screaming in the apartment, a gunshot was fired from where you were standing moments ago and you run. Your feet hitting the pavement, your blood thundering in your ears. Everyone starts running inside, not keen on getting caught in a firefight. You can hear Revenant’s distant cursing, and you make a beeline to hide under the bridge. Traversing through the confusing huts and houses all strung together. You don’t hear him coming after you but it doesn’t mean you're out of the woods yet. You’ve slowed your running into a walk, you're exhausted, your bones feel like they’d grind themselves and your breathing is harder, much more labored. Your joints ache, and you have enough energy to check your bullets, revealing you’ve only got 32 left in your Flatline and your Mastiff only has 6. In short, you’re truly and utterly fucked. The people under the bridge don’t dare talk. Fear of Revenant has kept them cowed and you have to get out of there quickly. It wouldn’t be the first time you had been squealed on by a passerby. Not that you blame them, the Syndicate had sweetened the deal for your capture and your appearance was a signal for a mess. But you’re tired, dead tired. The ground seems to be calling to you and it wouldn’t be safe for you to pass out here in the open. So you push yourself up, not realizing you had fallen to the ground, you force yourself to crawl until you could walk, trying to find a place where you could pass out in. It took a lot of time, time that Revenant spent hunting you down. You’ve barely made it to the edge, walking using your Mastiff as a cane when a gunshot is fired and it bounces right in front of you. “Well, well, well,” Revenant says, a coffin on the ground next to him. “Caught you, girl. Time to go.” You manage a snort, “I can’t believe you’ve actually brought a coffin.” You smile, much too tired and delirious to take the situation seriously. “Nice to know you keep your promises.” “If it suits me.” He replies amused. “Now get in.” “You know I can’t,” you muster your bravado. “Got the good ground calling me into bed.” “Get in so I can shove you in the dirt then.” Their amusement is waning and you can hear the edge in their voice. “I’m taking you in this, whether you like it or not.” “Pass.” You say and you pull your Mastiff back, brushing a smoke grenade you hadn’t accounted for, and throw it—using the last vestiges of adrenaline you have to run. Revenant doesn’t seem too concerned and it worries you—only realizing why when you feel a bullet tear through you. For a few moments, there’s no pain. Just a fleeting feeling of something passing through you, it was like going through Wraith’s portal, except the bullet was the one passing through and you fall onto the ground, biting down onto your lip, barely suppressing the screams. You hear his footsteps, and see his feet before you’re suddenly on your back, the air knocked from your lungs and you’re gasping for breath—the action making your lungs burn. “I have to admit, softie, you did well.” He says, stepping on your chest, and you struggle to breathe, weakly trying to push it away but you know it’s futile. “So tell me, where is it?” Your vision is dancing now, the red is occasionally taken by black. “I—won’t...talk....” you wheeze out. “Rath...er...die” You hear his laughter and you don’t know if you scream, you feel him crack a rib. “You will die. Just not quickly.” Revenant promises, and you feel another rib crack and you’re sure you’re screaming because your voice is hoarse. “I’ll ask again. Where are the codes? Where did you place the map?” “F...fuck—off—!“ You say and you feel another crack and snap and his growl. “I have no patience for this, girl.” He sneers. “Every time you deny me—I can have you killed and brought back to life. Again and again, and again.” His voice has a sharp glee in it. “So answer me. Where. Are. The. Codes?” You can barely focus now, the exhaustion and the wounds have taken a toll on you. You manage to meet those glowing eyes, the cold expression, and weakly make an attempt to spit at him. “Fuck...off...” His boot deepens on your chest and you pass out promptly after that. “Wait until you see what I have in store~” You turn around to see Loba smiling at you, her hand outstretched and you take it. She’s smiling, the same smile you’ve seen on her when she had found some rather good loot or when she had time to visit you. It’s a quick trip down your apartment, loading up into the cab she must have called and you lean against her. “Aren’t you affectionate?” She teases, nudging you slightly. “You utter poor fool.” “Better a fool for you,” you murmur and you smile against her, feeling her tense up before relaxing. “Besides, I’m your fool.” “That you are.” The words are laced with more affection and you bask in it. “My, poor, pain-loving fool.” This time it’s you who flush. “Excuse me! I’m not—" you pull away to continue your sentence but she places a hand over your lips. Her eyes glinting with amusement. “Not all secrets need to be spilled,” she purrs and you sigh, leaning into her touch as she strokes your cheek. “So where are we going?” You ask after a while, pulling away to smile at her. “I hope I haven’t forgotten anything important.” “For your sake, I hope you never do.” She hums before turning her attention outside. “Be patient.” She tells you. “I’m not patient.” You grin and lean against the chair. “But for you, I’ll do it.” “You do a lot of things for me,” Loba says, and she turns to look at you again, appraising you. You hadn’t seen her look at you—not when your eyes are closed and you’re covered in the lights of the city—a myriad of different colors that somehow brighten your features. “You’ll see.” “Okay, Ms. Andrade.” You snort, opening your eyes, barely missing her quick glance at your direction. “Wherever you go, I’ll follow.” She smiles, hiding it by looking outside and she holds the vault key to her own treasure vault tightly. “Good. I’d like to keep it that way.”

[astonishinglegends]

Ep 209: The Phantom Horse of Greensboro

And I looked, and behold a pale horse: and his name that sat on him was Death, and Hell followed with him. And power was given unto them over the fourth part of the earth, to kill with sword, and with hunger, and with death, and with the beasts of the earth.

– Revelation, Chapter 6, Verse 8, King James Version

Description:

Many of us have taken an adventurous expedition to check out some local, notorious spot to see if we could witness or sense some evidence of a past famous or infamous incident.  Most of the time, one only returns with a minor anecdote or pictures of an ordinary location bereft of anything noteworthy.  The more realistic purpose is not so much to find a ghoulish memento but to imagine what it must've been like to have been there when it happened.  But what if such an outing starts with strange coincidences and ends with the adventurers enduring a paranormal event seemingly unrelated to the original incident?  This is the sort of tale we'll hear from our good friend, graphic designer, and illustrator Tommy Beaver about the time some friends went to check out the scene of a horrific crime that happened in Summerfield, North Carolina, almost 13 miles northwest of Greensboro.  On June 3, 1985, the incident in question occurred when at the end of a murder spree and police pursuit, Fritz Klenner and his first cousin, lover, and accomplice, Susie Newsome Lynch, ended their standoff detonating a bomb in their Chevrolet Blazer.  Klenner and Lynch had blown themselves up along with Lynch's already deceased two sons who were in the vehicle rather than face arrest.  The site of this shocking finale was what the friends were hoping to explore, but their souvenir was an unsettling experience they'll never forget.  Strangely, a mysterious white horse suddenly appeared to encounter the group, except that this creature may not have been a horse at all.  Many people have claimed to see a spectral white horse, and the ancient Britons believed a sacred white horse was one's ride to the afterlife.  Yet these friends may forever wonder, as will we, what was the connection of this beast to the tragedy if there is one?  And if this wasn't a horse as we know it, what sort of monster haunts the location of one of North Carolina's most ghastly crimes?

Location:

The intersection of Strader Road & North Carolina State Road 150 in Summerfield, near where Fritz Klenner and Susie Newsom Lynch blew themselves up in their Chevy Blazer after a crime spree and police pursuit on June 3, 1985, and where Tommy’s friends saw the mysterious “horse.”

Location Video:

Reference Links:

Illustrator and Graphic Designer Tommy Beaver’s website, tommybeaverdesign.com

“Summerfield slaughter 30 years ago ended in deaths of couple, two sons” from the Greensboro News & Record

Bitter Blood: A True Story of Southern Family Pride, Madness, and Multiple Murder, a novel by Jerry Bledsoe, 1988

The púca, pooka, phouka of Irish/Celtic folklore

The kelpie of Scottish folklore

“Horses in Celtic Mythology” from Transceltic.com

“Have ghost HORSES been captured on video? Teenagers believe they spotted ethereal equine scene at one of Britain's most haunted sites” from DailyMail.co.uk

“Phantom Horses” on real-british-ghosts.com

Related Books:

Please help out our good friend Stan Gordon, by purchasing his books on Amazon and Barnes & Noble – you’re gonna love ‘em!

At Barnes & Noble:

Silent Invasion: The Pennsylvania UFO-Bigfoot Casebook

Astonishing Encounters: Pennsylvania’s Unknown Creatures, Casebook 3

Really Mysterious Pennsylvania: UFOs, Bigfoot, and Other Weird Encounters, Casebook 1

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Credits:

Episode 209: The Phantom Horse of Greensboro. Produced by Scott Philbrook & Forrest Burgess; Audio Editing by Sarah Vorhees Wendel. Sound Design by Ryan McCullough; Tess Pfeifle, Producer, and Lead Researcher; Research Support from the astonishing League of Astonishing Researchers, a.k.a. The Astonishing Research Corps, or "A.R.C." for short. Copyright 2021 Astonishing Legends Productions, LLC. All Rights Reserved.

[kittyprincessofcats]

I love both shows (Spop and Su) but I wanted to ask about some things you’ve said:

“Can’t believe “It’s okay for fans to be disappointed when oppressive dictators who’ve murdered millions and have tried to kill the protagonists before get forgiven without having to face consequences” is a so hard to understand for some people, but here we are”

“So did Steven Univerae end with the Diamonds in prison where they should be, or did I do well to stop watching when I did?”

With that logic can’t the very same thing be said and applied to She ra regarding Catra?

“So did She ra end with Catra in prison where she should be, or did I do well to stop watching when I did?”

Hi there. First of all, I want to say sorry for taking so long answer this. January’s been a very busy month for me and I literally just didn’t have the time to write the kind of reply I think this ask deserves.

Next, I want to make a few things clear just so we’re on the same page:

I love both shows as well and nothing I’m about to say is intended to be seen as hate against Steven Universe. SU meant a lot to me and I was a big fan of it for many years. Change Your Mind disappointed me a lot as an episode and as a finale, precisely because I didn’t want the Diamonds to get any sort of redemption, but just because it was a dealbreaker for *me*, that doesn’t mean I harbor any ill feelings towards the fans or writers of the show. None of this is meant to be a personal attack against anyone who worked on this show or likes it.

I stopped watching SU after CYM, so this post will ignore anything beyond that. I have not seen the SU movie or Steven Universe Future and I don’t intend to. Please don’t try to convince me otherwise. I’m not comfortable watching more.

I wrote the posts you quoted because I got quite a few rude messages after I said I didn’t like Change Your Mind and that I don’t want to keep watching SU. The first one was a response to people who were giving me a hard time for not liking the Diamond redemption – it wasn’t me saying that /no one/ should like it, just that my feelings on it were valid as well and people shouldn’t badger me about it.

In that sense, YES you could say the same thing about Catra! If someone wanted to stop watching SPOP because Catra’s redemption made them uncomfortable (maybe because they knew someone like her in real life or something similar), that’d be absolutely fine! I’d never send them the kind of messages I got or try to pressure them into continuing a show they’re not comfortable continuing. Because respecting real people is more important than a show or a fictional character.

I’ll be honest: I’m a little tired of justifying my feelings about the SU finale to people. But I believe you’re asking out of genuine curiosity and I haven’t made too many posts defending Catra yet, so I’ll try to analyze this step by step for you – and anyone else who might be curious.

So, without further ado: Here’s my essay on why Catra’s redemption works for me but the Diamonds’ doesn’t.

Short explanation: Because if you compare the scale of their actions, their motivations, what’s supposed to make them sympathetic to the audience, their build-up, and how their respective redemptions are handled, then the Diamonds aren’t an equivalent to Catra – they’re an equivalent to Horde Prime. And if SPOP had suddenly redeemed Horde Prime at the last minute after building him up as the big bad, I wouldn’t have liked that either.

Long (very long) explanation under the cut

Okay, let’s get into this in detail.

1.     The scale of their actions

Let’s look at the evil stuff these characters have done first.

The Diamonds: Created an intergalactic empire, conquered millions of planets (destroying all life of them in the process) for millions of years, created a strict caste system in which all gems only have one function to follow and where Pearls are essentially slaves who have to obey every order, persecute and send shattering robonoids after gems that don’t fit into the system or fuse outside of their caste (off-colors), created a human zoo and kidnapped people for it, shattered anyone who wasn’t loyal to them, bubbled all the Rose Quartzes, created the Cluster and the other fusion experiments out of the shards of their fallen enemies (essentially torturing them for all eternity), corrupted all the gems on Earth, including those that were loyal to them. And that’s just what we get told upfront in the show. We’re talking about intergalactic dictators with no respect for life who will ruthlessly kill anyone who gets in their way.

Catra: Helped Hordak conquer one (1) planet. Bad, yes – but not nearly on the same scale as devoting eons to conquering entire galaxies. Also, Catra isn’t the one who founded the Horde in the first place; she just happened to grow up there (likely because she was taken from her real home as a baby) and was raised with their ideals. The Diamonds, on the other hand *are* the people who started their empire.

So yeah, the Diamonds aren’t Catra – they’re Horde Prime. He’s the one who founded the intergalactic Horde and destroyed millions of planets. (There’s even a whole parallel about how both Horde Prime and White Diamond think they’re perfect and everyone should be like them…)

Now, you could argue that Catra opening the portal was a crime on a larger scale. But even that would have likely only destroyed Etheria – one planet, not millions. The scale we’re talking about is still way smaller than Horde Prime’s or the Diamonds’ actions.

Catra’s other “crimes” in the show are things like being a toxic friend, manipulating and lying to people. Those are things I’m going to ignore for this post, since you specifically asked if Catra shouldn’t be in prison for her crimes. Being a toxic friend is bad and all, but it’s not actually something illegal that you can get thrown in jail for, so it’s irrelevant for this discussion. And it still wouldn’t be on the scale of the Diamonds, who, let me repeat, have destroyed countless galaxies.

2.     Motivations for their actions

“But what about *why* they did all of those things? Isn’t that relevant?” It is, and I’m glad you asked. Let’s have a look.

Catra: Catra grew up in the Horde through no fault of her own and was mistreated and abused her whole life to the point where survival and safety became her primary motivations. She was treated as second best to Adora, filling her with a desire to prove herself. She got told as a child that she’s only worth “keeping around” if Adora values her, so she tied her self-worth to Adora’s approval. She feels betrayed when Adora leaves the Horde, because she interprets it as Adora caring more about strangers than about her. She stays with the Horde because they’re the devil she knows, because she wants to prove herself and because she’s hurt about the only person who ever showed her kindness leaving her. She grew up without a proper parental figure and without ever learning what healthy relationships are supposed to work like, so it’s understandable why she has no concept of it. She opens the portal because she sees her abuser working with (and seemingly being accepted by) her enemies and that knowledge makes her feel powerless to the point where she’d do anything to get back at them. She’s been abused and victimized her entire life and all of her actions are a direct result of that. Catra thinks that if she gains enough power, it’ll finally give her the safety and approval she craves.

In general, Catra’s story always makes it clear that she’s a victim of physical and emotional abuse who never learned what healthy relationships are supposed to look like and who’s lashing out in the only way she knows how. Some people might disagree on this, but I personally never had a point in the show where I couldn’t relate to her or couldn’t understand why she’s doing a certain thing. SPOP did a brilliant job of making sure that even at her lowest point, Catra’s actions are still understandable when you think from her point of view.

The Diamonds: … Uhm yeah, I’m drawing a blank here. Unless there’s some explanation in the movie or SU Future, we never actually learn why they did any of what they did. We get an explanation for some of their deeds – that they created the zoo because they thought Pink wanted it, that they corrupted the gems as revenge for Pink’s supposed death – but what the show never goes into is the real problem: Why they’re dictators in the first place. Why they consider themselves superior to other gems. Why they shatter anyone who doesn’t fit it, etc. They’re just dictators… because they’re dictators. We never get to understand their motivations.

And just to be clear – I think that in itself is perfectly fine. I don’t think SU should have had to give us any more explanation than that. SPOP also never explains why Horde Prime conquers other planets in the first place. He just does it because he’s evil and power-hungry and the show needs an antagonist. I think not giving a villain a deeper motivation is fine – if you’re not planning to redeem them.

3.     What makes them sympathetic

Catra: I pretty much explained this already. We’re told from season 1 that Catra was abused by Shadow Weaver, that Adora was the only person who cared about her, that she was always treated like she was second-best. Heck, there’s an entire backstory episode just about everything Catra’s been through. We’re meant to feel bad for her, even when she’s evil. We’re meant to cheer for her when she stands up to Shadow Weaver and defeats her. We’re meant to feel for her when Shadow Weaver stabs her in the back and Hordak sends her to the Crimson Waste. Her entire breakdown is meant to be tragic and engaging. When you’ve watched a character suffer so much through no/little fault of their own, when you’ve watched them stand up to bigger villains in a way that makes you root for them, it makes sense that you want them to eventually get their happy ending.

The Diamonds: I realize in retrospect that the writers probably meant for us to feel bad for the Diamonds, too. Like when they’re grieving Pink, during What’s the Use of Feeling, Blue?, or when they complain how stressed they are in Change Your Mind. But the thing is… it just didn’t work for me. After the show spent all that time showing us all the death, despair, and destructions the Diamonds had caused, after it was made clear that the Crystal Gems had lost multiple friends and allies to them, it just didn’t make me feel sympathetic that the diamonds had lost one (1) person. So what if someone shattered Pink for being a dictator? The Diamonds themselves have shattered millions of gems and now that it’s someone they care about I was suddenly meant to feel bad for them? I didn’t.

When That Will Be All first aired, I loved What’s the Use of Feeling, Blue? – because I thought the show was doing this brilliant thing where they show that evil people can still have loved ones and have feelings but that doesn’t make them less evil. Every horrible person in history had feelings and loved ones. That doesn’t excuse their actions. In retrospect I find it disappointing to know that we were meant start feeling bad for the Diamonds due to their grief for Pink, that we were meant to see Pink/Rose as the evil one for starting a rebellion against them, that we were supposed to believe Bismuth was in the wrong. Rebelling against a dictatorship is a good thing. Standing up for equality is a good thing. I don’t like that the show suddenly tried to spread this message that conflict is always bad even when you’re actively fighting against tyranny and oppression. What happened to the Crystal Gems and their cause? What happened to the Steven from season 1 who reassured Lapis that “They’re mean, and that’s why we *have to* fight them”? And no, the “but being a dictator is so stressful, please feel bad for us” part didn’t work for me either.

4.     A well-written redemption arc

For a well-written redemption arc, a character needs to actually regret what they’ve done and realize they were wrong. Then they need to put in the effort to be better from now. They need to… actually change. And then they need to do things that make up for their actions.

Catra: We get to see Catra go through an amazing character arc that culminates in her redemption and her eventual love-confession to Adora. The entire arc that was built for her over 5 seasons leads up to that moment and it’s so satisfying when it finally happens because it makes sense. We get to see her make big mistakes, get to see how she finally even scares Scorpia away, how Scorpia leaving breaks her, how Double Trouble gives her a harsh but needed lecture, how she understands that she and Glimmer aren’t so different, how she finally remembers Adora and decides to save her. We see her regret her actions as early as season 1, when she feels visibly bad after leaving Adora on the cliff in the temple. In season 4, she has nightmares about Entrapta and feels guilty for what she did to her and for opening the portal.

And from the moment she decides to change, she’s willing to make huge personal sacrifices to make up for her actions: She sacrifices herself to save Glimmer, gets tortured, mind-controlled and nearly dies in the process. The heroes saving her doesn’t come from nowhere and their forgiveness is well-earned because she was willing to put herself on the line to save someone else. She then keeps helping the heroes, apologizes to everyone she’s hurt, is again willing to sacrifice herself for Adora in the finale, and finally saves the entire universe from Horde Prime by staying with Adora and confessing her love to her. If we’re trying to be realistic about this – I’d say saving the whole universe from an intergalactic dictator would at least dramatically shorten her prison sentence? So no, I don’t think Catra should have ended up in prison.

The Diamonds: So the thing about their redemption arc is… they don’t really have one. We’re just kind of meant to forgive them out of the blue. Steven and the Crystal Gems ask the Diamonds for help to cure the corrupted gems and they manage to convince them, but there’s never any point where the Diamonds regret their actions. They only start to regret their actions towards Steven and Pink, but there’s never even an ounce of regret for what they did to anyone else. The Cluster? The deaths? The millions of destroyed planets and civilization? The humans and Rose Quartzes in the zoo? The presumably thousands of off-colors fighting for their lives underground on homeworld every second? That’s all swept under the rug in the finale. And therefore, the Diamonds can’t even get to the point where they make sacrifices for someone else or do anything that would lead me to forgive them, because they’re not even at a point where they realize they’ve done anything wrong. The show treats them like they’re redeemed in the end, but they’re not. Everything they’ve done just gets ignored.

5.     Being held accountable for their actions

Another thing that’s important for redemption arcs is that the heroes don’t just ignore what a character has done and act like it never happened.

Catra: SPOP never shies away from admitting that Catra has done bad things. Even after her heroic sacrifice, the other characters don’t just all forgive Catra at once. Adora still calls her out when she’s being selfish, some of other princesses are resentful towards her, Frosta punches her in the face, etc. One heroic sacrifice isn’t enough: You see Catra constantly working on herself afterwards and doing what she can to become a better person and make up for her actions. And most importantly, those actions are addressed in the show. (Arguably they could have addressed what happened to Angella again, but overall Catra’s actions get acknowledged in the show.)

The Diamonds: My other big problem with SU suddenly acting like the Diamonds are redeemed is that their actions never get addressed. People act like when I say I wanted the Diamonds to be held accountable that means I wanted Steven to shatter them in cold blood – no, I just wanted Steven to at least *say* that what they’re doing is wrong. Like I said, all of their actions other than corrupting gems and treating Steven & Pink badly completely get swept under the rug in Change Your Mind. It’s like we’re meant to assume that everything else will be fine now just because Steven managed to convince the Diamonds to do one (1) thing for him. What will happen to their colonies now? What about the humans and Rose Quartzes in the zoo? What about all the off-colors fighting for their lives underground on homeworld? What about the enslaved Pearls and the class system? None of that ever gets addressed in the finale – we’re just supposed to take that happy ending at face value and believe that all the other stuff will get fixed now, even though the show never says that!

(Before you tell me how any of that gets addressed in the movie or in Steven Universe Future – I don’t care. SU Future is a new show that takes place after a timeskip. The movie is also a separate thing. SU should make sense as a show on its own and it doesn’t. Change Your Mind was presented as a finale and therefore should wrap up the most important plots and it didn’t.)

For all we know after watching CYM, Steven doesn’t actually care about anything the Diamonds have done. He’s sitting on their shoulders and laughing with them in the end and we’re meant to take that as a happy ending. For all we know, there’s still an oppressive class system and gems getting shattered for not fitting into it on homeworld. The Cluster’s still suffering. The Pearls are still slaves. The Diamonds are still dictators and that aspect never changed – because it’s never addressed. When White Pearl regains consciousness, Steven says “Welcome Back”, but nothing in this episode ever implies that she’s not still WD’s slave. When Lars and the Off-colors arrive on Earth, the fact that they’re terrified of the Diamonds is played for laughs. The finale revolves only around Steven’s feelings while Garnet and Pearl never get a moment of standing up to the people who hurt them.

“But Steven needed the Diamonds’ help the heal the corrupted gems!”

Yes, that’s the in-universe explanation. But a writer still invented that rule. And even so, they could have added a scene where Steven takes the Crystal Gems aside and tells them “Hey, I know these people killed many of your friends, enslaved and persecuted you, but I just want you to know that I don’t actually like them or consider them family and I’m only doing this to help the corrupted gems. You’re my real family.”

6.     Identifying with their victims

I don’t remember who made that post, but there was a post on Tumblr somewhere that said that how likely someone is to forgive a villain often depends on how much they identify with the people that villain has hurt. And if I’m being very honest, that’s what a lot of my hate for the Diamonds boils down to:

The Diamonds don’t appear in Steven Universe until way later in the show. The way we first learn about them is indirect. We know the Crystal Gems fought a war against someone and are hiding on Earth from someone, but that someone doesn’t get a face until way later. By that point, we’ve already been told that fusions like Garnet are illegal on homeworld, that Pearls are considered lesser gems, and that Amethyst would be defective by homeworld’s standards. And all of those things made me personally sympathize with the Crystal Gems and their found family of misfits – and it made me angry at whoever did all of this to them. You can easily read the discrimination Ruby and Sapphire faced for their relationship as a metaphor for homophobia or prejudice against interracial relationships, the discrimination Pearl faces as racism or classism and how Amethyst is treated as ableism.

(Getting personal here for a moment: I’m gay and my parents are from a homophobic country that’s run by a dictator, so I strongly identified with Garnet and how she can’t go back to homeworld because she wouldn’t be allowed to exist as her true self there. Am I maybe reading too much into the show there? Yeah. But honestly, if the Diamonds’ redemption relies on people not identifying with the Crystal Gems – aka the literal protagonists of the show – too much, then maybe it’s just not a good idea. Yeah, maybe if I hadn’t identified with the CGs so strongly, I wouldn’t have minded the Diamond redemption – but it also means I’d have never loved SU as much in the first place.)

What I’m saying is that we first learn about the Diamonds from the point of view of the people they oppressed, persecuted, and tried to kill. We also meet the off-colors and learn about their plight, how they had to spend eons hiding from robots that want to kill them, how they believe the way they are is wrong, etc. We see the Cluster, the people in the zoo etc. and get told the Diamonds did all of this. And then Change Your Mind expects us to suddenly randomly forgive them with no build-up and be okay with Steven calling them “family” over the actual people who raised him.

Catra, on the other hand, is first introduced to us as Adora’s best friend. We get to meet her from the point of view of the protagonist who obviously loves her. Throughout their separation and their struggle, the relationship between these two characters drives the show. Their episodes together are emotional and well-written and make the audience root for them to eventually find their way back together again. We meet her as an abuse-victim who thinks her best friend left her, and we get so many reasons to sympathize with her before she ever hurts anyone.

(And yeah, it helps that the show never lets us personally meet any of the people from the lands she conquered. Yes, we feel bad for Scorpia and all that – but again, being a toxic friend isn’t actually a crime. And yes, we feel bad for Entrapta - but so does Catra, and Entrapta ends up being fine and forgiving her.)

7.     A satisfying ending for a show

This is more general, but SU didn’t have a satisfying conclusion imo, because almost none of the things that needed fixing were ever addressed. We’re meant to take “but the Diamonds say please and thank you now” as a good conclusion without getting to the part where they murder people every day. For all we know, Steven doesn’t even care about that part because the writers never made him act like he does.

And yes, I realize that the Diamonds are meant to be a metaphor for a conservative family that finally learns to accept their queer child (Steven), but that metaphor just didn’t work for me (a queer child of an unaccepting family) at all. Because they’re not presented as an unaccepting family: The show spent 4 seasons building them up as dictators and the ultimate big bad, only to drop the “they’re related to Steven” thing in there last minute and sweep the other stuff under the rug. We’ve also spent 5 seasons seeing the Crystal Gems, the people who literally raised him, as Steven’s family, so suddenly giving that title to their oppressors feels super wrong to me.

To give you a comparison, imagine the following ending for She-Ra: Near the end of season 5, Adora suddenly finds out she’s Horde Prime’s long-lost granddaughter. After calling him out for treating her/her parents badly, he finally regrets that part of his actions and promises to leave Etheria alone so Adora and her friends can live there in peace. However, he’s still going to conquer and destroy the rest of the universe and keep Hordak and the other clones mind-controlled. Adora is fine with this and you see her and Horde Prime laughing together in the end. Catra and all the other people Horde Prime chipped and tortured are seen being okay with him now because as long as Adora, the main character, is happy all the hurt Horde Prime caused anyone else doesn’t matter. When the Star Siblings show up on Etheria while fleeing from the Horde army, the fact that they’re scared of Horde Prime is played for laughs. The End.

… Sounds pretty stupid, doesn’t it? I’m glad SPOP had the guts to just let Adora kill Horde Prime instead. Because some people are not redeemable, and that’s an important lesson, too.

Anyways, I’ve been rambling for too long. The bottom line is: The Diamonds are way more comparable to Horde Prime than to Catra. The scale of their actions is the same as that of Horde Prime, their motivations are never explained, we never get any reasons to sympathize with them, the main characters have all been victims of their regime, their redemption arc is nonexistent, they never get called out for their actions and the way their story is concluded is just badly written and leaves way too many factors unaddressed. They get forgiven without ever even being sorry and the Crystal Gems never get a moment to shine and stand up to them. So yes, I consider them irredeemable and was disappointed the show didn’t end with them getting imprisoned at least. (I was kind of hoping for a Homeworld revolution where everyone finally stands up to them, but… *sigh*.) If the show was going to redeem them, they should have at least done it properly by actually showing them have a change of heart and making them try to make up for their actions, instead of letting us assume that all happened off-screen.

Catra on the other hand gets presented as someone to root for from the beginning. She’s only in the Horde due to unfortunate circumstances, got abused and mistreated her whole life, is motivated by a desperate attempt to prove herself and make sure she doesn’t get hurt again, and never committed crimes on the same scale as the Diamonds. Her change of heart is believable and what her arc has been building up to for 4 seasons, she makes great personal sacrifices for Glimmer and Adora, gets held accountable for her actions, helps save the entire universe and is a character who has already suffered her entire life – so yes, I strongly believe that she deserves to live a happy, free, and peaceful life after the show.

[vynnyal]

Throwing random thoughts, headcanons, and a variety of pasta at the wall (but only those having to do with vessels and/or their biology this time): The Thrilling Third Installment™

...aka pretending i can be dark and dramatic jskhdfd

Thk's larger form is not the standard, but the exception. Thk was cited as being "raised and trained to prime form", which people take to mean pk assisted in the vessel's natural growth. However, that conclusion leaves a lot of unanswered questions, most important of which being “then what about Ghost?” In short, I think that train of thought is backwards. Vessels can't grow- they are ageless, and immortal. We know this due to Ghost, despite living as long if not longer than thk, being completely unchanged over the years. The only thing pk trained into "prime form" was thk’s mind and fighting prowess. Their body... well, I think it was mutated. Most likely either directly by pk, or ordered by him- and with the shenanigans happening over in the sanctum, I wouldn't be surprised if Soul was involved, too. In any case, it was in no means natural. Vessels are corpses reanimated by void; neither corpses nor void tend to make drastic changes on their own all that often. Whether pk predicted the vessel’s “issues” and intended to manually “upgrade” them from the beginning, it's hard to say. But... yeah. Unless Ghost goes out of their way to make themselves grow- if its even possible, now that pk is gone- its fairly safe to say, they never will.

...with that in mind, we are promptly gonna ignore that for the rest of this post lmaooo

Grown-up vessels wouldn't look like thk; while they are described as being raised into "prime form"... prime form, to whom? Rather than looking like an idealized pk soldier, it sounds much more fitting that they’d have an entirely different, natural adult form. Consider: their cloaks being longer and fuller, perhaps filling out into something with a more practical use to their “species”. Better yet, they could even grow up to be more beast-like. Feral vessels, YEhaW

The black egg temple is cited as being "built to sustain [vessels]", yet it can't be their lifespan that is sustained. Rather, it seems the egg is specifically designed to keep the radiance from tearing thk apart, physically and/or mentally. Ngl its p obvious, but worth noting.

Sorta-au where Ghost’s shade has 8 eyes, and/or is generally all-around more cryptid-looking.

@ the sharpshadow charm and the strange, 6-eyed creature their shade turns into: kudos to this post, they bring up something super interesting- the creature not only resembles the Shade Lord, but the lord outright becomes it during the Embrace the Void cutscene.

makes me respect the ol’ civilization a whole lot more if a single charm can turn a baby shade into a baby lord.

The concept of finding ghosts unconscious body, laying next to a corpse, while they battle in their dreams. Alt: when ghost enters the dream realm, their shade leaves their shell... And protects their body from harm.

If steel soul mode is taken as canon, just how did ghost and the shade meet? Alt: Ghost may never have “met” it at all, as it technically doesn’t exist in that mode- instead, its more of a metaphor than an actual entity.

What the vessels looked like- or were supposed to look like- before the void. Alt: a story following a child, alive and untouched, that somehow managed to be spared. They could even have a gender. Alt alt: the void intentionally spared them for some purpose, or even out of simple kindness- or at least, something that resembles kindness.

Re: the shade inexplicably having a nail: all the vessel's swords are crafted from “will-bearing rock”- of which i’ve come to lovingly call living stone- and as such, are of void themselves. That's how the shade seems to conjure up its own copy; it merely shapes it, from the ground, using void. And, while more of a stretch, Ghost’s nail being some sort of living stone/pale ore alloy could explain just how Ghost can do seemingly pretty crazy things with an otherwise ordinary nail. Better, while 100% a baseless hc, its material might actually enable Ghost to build it up and modify it to suite their size as they grow older. finally, a logical reason adult Ghost has an adult-sized nail-claymore. hdsfghjfghdsjf

On that same thought: Ghost outright invented the "art" of manipulating- or creating- living stone to make their nail. ...gimme a sec. The other escaped vessels have nails, too, right? Either meaning they also discovered this ability... or that theres some legitimate ground for the “vessel gang” hc. Or, yanno, i’m reading too much into Ari’s sprites but sHHhh

How did all the vessels know to race to the top? They seemed to be falling merely because they had just been born and had literal, actual baby strength; yet not only did they inexplicably risk everything competing to the top, they somehow knew death was waiting if they lost. Alt: pk just, bringing a fucking megaphone and telling them like a sports announcer.

What if Ghost made it, and instead of falling, they managed to joined thk at the lip? What would pk do? Push them off the edge??? Or just adopt them both?? Oh fuck au where they're raised as twin sacrifices. Or worse yet, they’re raised unequally, and one is trained only as an afterthought. As a backup.

Alternatively, pk keeps all the vessels au, only a few years later when they're grown. Pk now has a literal army of pure knights. Radiance is fucked.

Hm. If vessels were fully coherent entities from the moment of birth, why was there a crib in the white palace? Did... did they use it? I have a feeling team cherry made that asset before the abyss scene lmaooo alt: they did, uh, use the crib. Cue a very awkward scene of thk, clearly not a normal baby, staring at wl with like... idk, the poofy baby hat and pacifier. I can’t tell if the image is more funny or more sad rn shdfgfjsdgg

The og notes that inspired this post, in case my rambling makes more sense (and w/o the awful comic hjsfgjsdfhj): Oh oh OH i GET it now. The void is all about "will" and whatnot, right? And shades are "fragments of a lingering will"- will, like the one you leave after your death, but instead of inheritance its the vessels' desires...last regrets.... DAMN team cherry, that symbolism is clever as heck. That took me a while. Kinda funny how a will is, technically, a person's last regrets Like I knew they were last regrets but I didn't understand WHY. Duh, it's because they're literally Made Of Will. They are the vessel's "wills". I'm so stupid.

Ghost, walking thru the abyss, getting increasingly fed up / freaked out, ducking into a crack in the wall. They follow the crack into the Scream Chamber, pause, then exhale in relief that this was EXACTLY what they needed.

Ghost's shade rolling up its void-sleeves like “fuck it, ima defeat thk myself”

Why was thk's sword there? Was its pedestal decayed? Did it fall from their body? Was it place there as an afterthought, or hurriedly? alt: taking thk's sword before freeing them, but doing the mom thing like you're grounding them hdhfjchjch

I can’t believe it just occured to me now, but... as objectivley stupid as the vessel’s test was, Ghost... technically came in second place. What if that whole scene was a metaphor? Because really, it’s just too silly to take seriously. To do so isn’t too far fetched, either; many other elements in the game’s story are better taken as symbolic or metaphorical, anyways. Take the PoP cutscene- while it could’ve been a literal moment, where they just happened to find themselves standing around and took the moment to appreciate each other... imo it makes much more sense to read it as the concept of their faint ~forbidden love~ and parental pride itself. Or, better yet, the scene at the end of the 4th pantheon. Sorry, but I severely doubt that was an actual event. What I’m trying to get at is the significance of “second place” in the cutscene. My brain is too fried to chase down any other possible connections to this theme rn (if thats even what the theme is), but even without proof, the theory smooths out a few interesting tidbits related to just how Ghost could tough it out when all others failed. All except for #1, anyway. Either way I’m just happy to take this as an excuse to pretend that cutscene didn’t literally happen because like, l m a o

The story of a small group of vessels as they work together to escape hallownest. (aka the aforementioned vessel gang hc... im sure theres a more formal name but you get the idea). Its impossible to tell how long it took them to discover that near-invisible hole, the last exit remaining after the king ordered the abyss to be sealed up. Once they did, however, the remaining vessels were quick to make a desperate scramble to escape- only for the entrance to suddenly crumble shut, far, far too soon. The remaining 8 slowly made their way through deepnest, their numbers quickly dwindling as the jouney started to take its toll. The group was nearly wiped out by those terrible, spiney-legged creatures that used their own kinship against them. Only three finally escaped the deep, yet only two made it through the basin- the third, largest sibling, left to fight alone againt a hopeless battle, just to buy the others time. It was in greenpath, so close yet so far to their goal, that the second succumbed to the infection. It was a mercy killing, that nail through the heart. The last, after all of that, finally made their way to the very precipice of howling cliffs, hesitating for just a moment to gaze out upon the still-fresh ruins of hallownest. But only for a moment, before Ghost jumps down to begin their journey beyond this wretched place.

A vessel running from its shade as it tirelessly pursues them, the vessel refusing to put it to rest.

tw: suicide, + personal on main

Ugh ugh ugh ugh Either thk was fully conscious and in terrible pain for all those years... or they couldn’t feel anything at all. The former is horrible, but imagining thk waking up, chained, unable to do anything but wait for Ghost to heed their call? Did they turn their nail on themselves to help Ghost, end the pain, or some awful mix of both? For someone who has personally dealt with close friends and family that struggled with suicide themselves, hollowknight is one of the worst horror stories I've ever seen. And the fact that the story is so personal, so open to interpretation? The fact that each character is so genuine yet vague enough to be read completely differently to someone else’s biases? Its why hollow knight- the game, and the character- will forever be one of the most powerful stories to me.

in short, good LORD THIS GAME IS SO FUCKING SAD

[phantom-le6]

Episode Reviews - Star Trek: The Next Generation Season 4 (3 of 6)

Having taken longer than planned on the earlier reviews for season 4 of Stark Trek: The Next Generation, I am now going to make more effort to stick to my weekly schedule and get the reviews done more frequently, beginning with those I am posting now.

Episode 11: Data’s Day

Plot (as given by me):

Data, in corresponding with Bruce Maddox, outlines a typical day aboard the Enterprise, making particular emphasis on the aspect of friendship.

 At the start of the day, Data is relieved early from his command of the night shift so he has more time to participate in the wedding rehearsal for Chief Miles O’Brien’s wedding to Keiko Ishikara, a civilian botanist assigned to the Enterprise.  Data is acting as ‘father of the bride’, but when he visits Keiko, he learns she is calling off the wedding as she believes it will make her happy, and asks Data to relay the news to Miles.  Data presumes this will make the chief happy if it is what Keiko wants, but Miles is inevitably upset.  Later, Data talks to Lt. Commander George La Forge, who explains Keiko just has pre-wedding anxiety and the real wedding will still take place as usual.

 As a Vulcan ambassador arrives on board with a secretive mission that takes the Enterprise into the Neutral Zone, Data proceeds on Geordi’s advice to act as if the wedding will still take place; he discusses the concept of wedding gifts and customs with Worf and enlists Dr Crusher’s assistance in learning to dance.  At Chief O’Brien’s request, Data then attempts to convince Keiko to go through with the wedding, but she reacts angrily to his efforts, prompting him to seek advice from Counsellor Troi.  She advises Data that Miles and Keiko need to be left alone to resolve the matter themselves. When their conversation brings up the idea that growing old together is a key component of marriage, Data reveals that despite his lack of emotion, he has never ruled out the idea that one day he might marry someone.  However, given Data’s inability to age, he would never be able to ‘grow old’ with a spouse.

 Data is then summoned by Ambassador T’Pel, who enquires about the Enterprise’s defence systems, but she drops the query when Data mentions he has the same safeguards as the ship’s computers and would be required to notify the Captain.  The ambassador claims she was only testing his safeguards, so Data accepts this on the premise that Vulcans do not lie, though on some level he remains suspicious.

 Later, Data is taught to dance by Dr Crusher; this initially does not go quite to plan as the doctor teaches Data tap-dancing before he explains that his intent was to learn dances appropriate for the wedding. She then begins to teach Data a slow dance, but this is complicated by Data needing to see Dr Crusher’s feet to emulate her steps, and the lesson is interrupted by a crew member going into labour, requiring Data to finish his lesson with a holographic partner.  Data eventually returns to the bridge just before the Enterprise reaches its rendezvous with a Romulan warbird, and the ambassador prepares to beam over to discuss a treaty that would formalise relations between Vulcan and Romulus.  However, an accident occurs mid-transport and the ambassador is seemingly killed.

 After Captain Picard explains the situation to the Romulans, he orders Data to head up the investigation into the accident. Applying the Holmesian method of deductive reasoning, Data discovers that the Romulans actually beamed the ambassador over to their ship while leaving artificial organic matter in her place; in effect, faking her death to conceal an abduction.  Picard orders the Enterprise to intercept the Romulan warbird to try and rescue the ambassador, but when they arrive, they learn the ambassador was actually a Romulan spy in disguise, now returned to her own people.  As more warbirds arrive, Picard reluctantly orders the Enterprise to withdraw back to Federation space.

 With the crisis over, Data seeks out Keiko to apologise for his interference, only to learn the wedding will take place shortly and he needs to get dressed for it.  Keiko and Miles are wed in Ten-Forward with Captain Picard officiating a ceremony based on the Japanese culture.  Later, Data seeks out Dr Crusher to thank her for his dance lessons, but instead finds the captain looking in on the baby Dr Crusher delivered while the ship was confronting the Romulans.  Finally, Data begins command of the next night watch.

Review:

This episode is the start of the one successful long-term romance in Trek history; from the marriage of Miles and Keiko we get a relationship that runs strong not only for all its remaining appearances in TNG, but also throughout the length of Deep Space Nine when O’Brien was made part of that spin-off’s regular cast.  It’s great to see it begin the way it does, because the kind of less-than-perfect romance we see is not only more realistic than if we were seeing two people not fighting or arguing at all, it’s also vital to make a lot of later stories for these characters work.  DS9, as I noted when I review that series years ago on Facebook, often did episodes that were known as ‘make O’Brien suffer’ episodes.  For that to work, O’Brien had to be every inch an everyman with everyday issues, so his marriage had to be equally down-to-Earth. Otherwise, where’s the shock value in whatever’s traumatising him next?

 Of course, the main focus of the episode is Data, and how he deals with the issue of friendship and understanding human behaviour.  In his reasoning and actions, the idea of Data as a metaphor for the autistic mind-set comes across brilliantly.  I can easily someone on the autistic spectrum like myself making similar social errors to Data in trying to navigate the sudden flare-up in the Miles-Keiko relationship.  I say similar because autistic people are not emotionless as Data is, and for those of us “high functioning” (or masking to the nth degree as I think of it) and experienced enough to understand something of tact and diplomacy, we would probably avoid making at least some of these errors.

 I’m also very touched by Data revealing his aspiration to one day marry despite his lack of apparent emotion; for autistic people, any form of relationship that goes beyond friendship and into the romantic can be anything from difficult to impossible.  The social skills required and time commitments necessary are almost the inter-personal communication equivalent of tackling the tallest mountains in the world, and anyone on the spectrum who gets anywhere in this line has my undying respect and admiration.  To see an autistic analogue like Data suggest a desire to one day get as far as marriage, and be treated with acceptance in that regard, is yet another example of Trek at its best.

 My only niggle with this episode is that at one point when noting various events occurring aboard the Enterprise, Data mentions the ‘Hindu festival of lights’.  Given that humans are supposed to now be an entirely secularist society in the world of Trek, why is any religious occasion of significance on real-life Earth being mentioned as if it’s still an on-going concept?  Last I checked, the children on board the Enterprise aren’t going round the crew-quarters trick-or-treating, having Easter egg hunts on the holodecks or hoping for Santa to come down the Jefferies tubes once a year.  That being the case, Diwali shouldn’t be getting a mention in that sort of context either.  As such, the episode just misses out on top marks and ends up raking in 9 out of 10.

Episode 12: The Wounded

Plot (as adapted from Wikipedia):

While patrolling near Cardassian space, the Enterprise is suddenly attacked by a Cardassian vessel. Captain Picard is able to convince its commander, Gul Macet, to stand down, and learns that Macet's attack was in retaliation for a Federation ship attacking a Cardassian science station two days prior. Picard confirms this with Starfleet; he is told that the starship Phoenix, commanded by Captain Benjamin Maxwell, was responsible and ordered to locate the vessel. Picard invites Gul Macet and two of his officers to come aboard as observers to maintain the fragile peace between the Federation and Cardassia. As the Enterprise looks for signs of the Phoenix, Picard is informed that transporter chief Miles O'Brien was a former crewmember under Maxwell on the Rutledge during the Cardassian war, and invites him to join a briefing with Gul Macet. There, O'Brien reveals he still harbors some resentment for the Cardassians, revealing that Maxwell's family was killed by Cardassians. Gul Macet infers that Maxwell must be out for revenge, but O'Brien denies this.

 The Enterprise locates the Phoenix on an intercept course for a Cardassian freighter, but they will not be able to reach it in time. Picard lets Gul Macet relay the position of the Phoenix to a closer Cardassian cruiser, but Maxwell outmaneuvers and destroys both the warship and the freighter, killing over 650 Cardassians across the two vessels.

 Shortly thereafter, the Enterprise rendezvouses with the Phoenix, and Maxwell transports aboard, greeting O'Brien as an old friend. Alone, Maxwell asserts to Picard that the Cardassians are re-arming themselves; the science station was a cover for a military base, and the freighters are carrying weapons. Picard admonishes Maxwell for his behaviour unbecoming a Starfleet captain, and gains his assurance that he will pilot the Phoenix directly back to Federation space. However, en route, the Phoenix breaks course towards another freighter. Maxwell is poised to destroy the freighter, demanding that the Federation officers be allowed aboard to see proof of the Cardassians' deception. The Enterprise crew notes that the freighter is equipped with a field that blocks their scans. Picard prepares to fire on the Phoenix to maintain the peace, but O'Brien requests permission to beam over to the Phoenix, using a transporter trick to sneak past its shield, and talk to Maxwell. Aboard the Phoenix, O'Brien and Maxwell reminisce about their time aboard the Rutledge and sing a song from their past. O'Brien is able to convince Maxwell to stand down. Maxwell transfers his command to his first officer and the Phoenix starts its return to Federation space, while Maxwell returns to the Enterprise with O'Brien, confined to quarters pending return to Starfleet.

 As the Cardassian observers are returned to their ship, Picard cautions them that while Maxwell's actions may have been improper, his suspicions are not without merit; the so-called "science station" is located in a strategic military position with little scientific value, and the shields on the freighters were specifically designed to block Federation scanning. He cautions Gul Macet that the Federation will be watching the Cardassians very closely in the future.

Review:

For the second time in as many episodes, we get more development of future DS9 fodder.  In this case, however, it’s not just about developing Miles O’Brien and his new wife Keiko, though this is a significant part of the episode in terms of Miles.  This time, we get the first appearance of the Cardassians, which substantially improves in time for their inclusion in Deep Space Nine, and Marc Alaimo makes a guest appearance as Gul Macet, setting up for his later long-time role in DS9 as the Cardassian arch-villain Gul Dukat.  Throw in Bob Gunton of Shawshank Redemption fame and this episode really has some great guest actors in alongside the regular cast.

 However, aside from great performances, great guest-cast stars and a lot of fodder being developed for the eventual Deep Space Nine spin-off series, this episode also takes an interesting look at how people react when a war ends and they have to act peacefully with people who they’ve had to view as the enemy for a long time.  It’s another of those brilliant moves Trek started to make around this time as Roddenberry became less involved in producing the show due to his failing health.  There’s only so far humanity will ever improve, and I think if we’re still having to get into wars in the future, albeit with alien species, we’re going to have the same kind of issues that come up here.

 Between the various guest characters, the subject matter gets some interesting exploration; Captain Maxwell is someone so traumatised by the war that he can’t just leave it behind, Gul Macet plays someone feigning a desire to remain at peace while secretly preparing for the next scrap, and then you’ve got O’Brien, who still hates the enemy but for a totally different reason to what you’d expect.  While most shows might have put O’Brien’s hatred down to something the Cardassians did, this show did something truly inspired and made O’Brien hate them for what they forced him to do.  Nowhere else have I come across someone saying they only hate an enemy because that enemy forced them into committing acts of violence alien to their personal identity.  In fact, I think this might even be Trek’s first stab at doing a ‘make O’Brien suffer’ episode even before creating DS9.  After all, what could be greater suffering to a gentle man like O’Brien than to be faced by those who forced him to act against that gentle nature?

 Honestly, I can’t find a single flaw in this episode, and so for the first time in a while I offer up top marks; 10 out of 10.

Episode 13: Devil’s Due

Plot (as adapted from Wikipedia):

The Enterprise receives a distress call from Dr. Howard Clarke, the leader of a Federation scientific delegation on Ventax II, where the population is in a state of panic, because they are convinced that their world will soon end. After the Enterprise arrives, they rescue Dr. Clarke who brings them up to date. A thousand years ago, according to Ventaxian history, the population entered a Faustian deal with Ardra, their mythology's devil. In exchange for ending wars and restoring the ecological balance, and improving their heavily polluted planet, the population would become the personal slaves of Ardra a thousand years later. As the millennium is about to come to a close, the planet has recently begun experiencing mild earthquakes, as well as seeing images of Ardra. These were said to be signs of her arrival.

 As Captain Picard and Lt. Commander Data discuss the matter with the Ventaxian leader, a woman appears in the chamber, announcing herself as Ardra. She demonstrates her identity by starting an earthquake at will, and transforming into the Klingon devil-equivalent Fek'lhr of Gre'Thor. Ardra states that she has come to claim the planet. Picard is instantly suspicious and orders Data to examine the contract that supposedly was signed by Ardra and the leaders of the planet a thousand years earlier. Picard returns to the Enterprise afterwards, and Ardra appears on the bridge, sitting in the Captain's chair. Lt. Worf fails to remove her. Data returns just then and confirms the language of the contract as well as Ardra's claim to the planet and anything in its orbit, including the Enterprise.

 Later, in a meeting with the senior staff, Picard expresses his belief that she is a confidence trickster and points out that all of her alleged powers can be recreated with theatrically delivered technology. After the meeting, Picard goes to bed for the evening. As Picard sleeps, Ardra appears and tries to seduce him, but he rejects her. She transports him to the planet dressed in his pyjamas. Data comes to collect Picard by shuttle after Worf is unable to transport him back the normal way. When Picard and Data attempt to return to the Enterprise, the ship disappears. In light of this, they return to the planet.

 Citing old legal precedent, Picard calls for a Ventaxian arbitration hearing, to which Ardra agrees, provided Data acts as the arbitrator, as he will act with impartiality. Picard explains to the leader of the planet that the people had actually improved their planet by themselves, through their own gradual hard work, ingenuity, and dedication. However, continued demonstrations of powers further the claim that Ardra is indeed whom she says she is. During the course of the hearing, Chief Engineer La Forge and Clarke discover that Ardra has a cloaked ship nearby, that she is indeed using technology to simulate magic, and that she is a known criminal. Picard sends an away team, led by Commander Riker, to take control of Ardra's ship, giving Picard control of her powers. He demonstrates the technology-based fraud and she is taken into custody by local authorities.

Review:

This is an episode I find fun because among its various plot elements is a bit of a dig at buying too readily into certain aspects of organised religion.  Here, we see someone is basically a criminal try to exploit and enslave the population of an entire planet by twisting its beliefs to her own ends.  This is not unlike many real-life followers of many, many religions that will twist those religions to excuse and fuel bigoted and divisive viewpoints, often leading many to assume they are a true reflection of that faith when they are not.  Frankly, I think many people ‘of faith’ could learn a valuable lesson about taking care to really learn their religion to avoid just this sort of deception by watching this episode.

 However, the episode is really meant to be more about how technology can appear to be magic if it is sufficiently advanced, and to be fair it’s a fun exploration of that idea.  However, the same thing was done the season before with ‘Who Watches The Watchers’, and it’s also been used with greater theatricality by the Marvel Cinematic Universe to explain the likes of Thor and Doctor Strange in an otherwise science-based superhero action universe.  By and large, the idea of ‘believer beware’ seems to hold the greater weight than the intended focus, and it’s got some decent comic relief-type moments in places.

 However, I disagree with the assessment some others have made that the episode is somehow ‘Picard trying to act like Kirk’. Kirk, being the degenerate woman-of-the-week phaser-happy space cowboy that he was, would more likely have given into Ardra and then stunned her with a phaser when proving her deception. Picard acts like Picard from his resistance to Ardra right up to the court-room scene.  There’s nothing all that Kirkian about this episode, even though it originated as an unproduced story from that era, and to believe otherwise is to be as gullible as the Ventaxians.  Overall, I give this episode about 8 out of 10.

Episode 14: Clues

Plot (as adapted from Wikipedia):

The Enterprise investigates a T Tauri class star system with a single Class M planet that was picked up on a long-range sensor scan near the Ngame Nebula. As they approach the planet, the ship encounters a wormhole and everyone except Lt. Commander Data briefly loses consciousness. When the crew regains consciousness, some of the ship's sensors suggest it has been nearly a day since the wormhole encounter, but Data states they were only out for moments and the ship's instruments were affected by the wormhole. Following Data's suggestion, Captain Picard decides to send a probe into the system to avoid further harm to the ship. The probe reports only the presence of a frozen gas giant instead of the Class M planet from before; again, Data attributes this to the effects of the wormhole.

 As the ship moves away from the system, the crew begin to find evidence that does not support Data's claims that they were unconscious for only 30 seconds. For example, Dr Crusher has found moss samples that show a full day of growth, and has found that Worf, complaining of a sore wrist, actually had his wrist broken and reset by a medical professional. Picard begins to suspect Data's claims, and believes the rest of the crew is suffering from missing time syndrome. Picard confronts Data on the issue, but Data cannot provide a rational answer. Further studies of the crew by Dr Crusher show that Data's explanations are impossible; they have lost a day from the wormhole encounter, and there is evidence that Data tampered with the probe's readings to mask the Class M planet. Picard recognizes that Data's actions may be for the protection of the Enterprise, but orders the ship to return to the system.

 When they near the Class M planet, ounsellor Troi is taken over by a mysterious energy pulse from the system, and starts to speak to the crew with a different voice. The entity that has taken over Troi informs Data that the plan has failed, and that their people will prepare to destroy the Enterprise. Picard learns from Data and the entity that they are in the space of the Paxans, a highly advanced but very xenophobic race who have kept themselves hidden by firing a stun beam at any ship that nears their system and then moving it away; crews of such ships normally associate it with the effects of a wormhole. However, in the case of the Enterprise, the stun beam did not affect Data; Data had revived the crew as the Paxans were attempting to move the ship, and forcing a physical encounter that led to Worf's wrist being broken. Picard was able to offer the Paxans a deal as to attempt to conceal their previous meeting, using memory-wiping technology from the Paxans to forget their encounters with them, and ordered Data to behave as he did to protect the ship.

 Picard is able to convince the Paxan in control of Troi that the previous plan failed because they left too many clues on the Enterprise that piqued human curiosity to solve the mystery and that if the Enterprise vanishes, it will cause others to come investigate. The crew of the Enterprise, with the help of the Paxans, work together to completely eradicate any possible clues; once completed, the crew is stunned again, and the ship moves away from Paxan space. When the crew revives this time, they accept Data's explanations without question and continue on their mission.

Review:

In addition to this episode having a lot of similarity to ‘Thanks for the Memory’, an episode from the second series of British sit-com Red Dwarf, it’s also notable for bringing us a little more Picard-as-Dixon-Hill.  However, in this case only in the opening teaser segment is Picard doing this as a fantasy on the holodeck.  The rest of the episode has Picard, and indeed most of the crew, playing detective in the ‘real world’, making the episode a kind of exploration of the human fascination with mysteries and puzzle-solving.  It’s not a bad episode, by any means, but it’s fairly shallow in its issue exploration, and the whole alien possession thing near the end is kind of a needless bit of weirdness.  This was a bottle episode, granted, but would one guest actor in a bit of prosthetics really have killed the budget compared with the visual effect they used? Overall, I’d give this 7 out of 10.

Episode 15: First Contact

Plot (as adapted from Wikipedia):

The humanoid race of Malcor III is preparing to develop warp drive technology. Captain Picard and Counsellor Troi suddenly visit Science Minister Mirasta Yale, lead researcher on their warp experiments. They calm her and explain that they come in peace. It is normal Federation policy to make first contact with a world when it reaches this level of technology. However, they have had to move ahead of schedule because Commander Riker, disguised as a Malcorian, has gone missing. After touring the Enterprise, Mirasta agrees to help and arranges a private meeting with Chancellor Durken. After the meeting, Picard returns with Durken to the Enterprise and explains the benefits of a relationship with the Federation. Durken expresses some concerns, most notably with the Federation's unwillingness to share their technology, as well as how their arrival will change his society. Picard assures him that how contact proceeds will be up to him, and if asked to leave, the Federation will do so.

 Meanwhile, Riker has been detained by security forces in a hospital, where he is barely conscious following an accident. Differences in Riker's physiology make the hospital administrator believe that he is an extra-terrestrial. Riker is aided in his escape by a nurse who expresses her wish to "make love with an alien". Riker accepts her offer, but the escape attempt fails: he is spotted, and the guards catch and beat him, worsening his condition. Riker's presence at the hospital is reported to Security Minister Krola, who accuses Durken of hiding the truth about the "alien" presence. The Chancellor expresses his concerns to Picard about the Federation's covert intrusions, but accepts Picard's explanation of why the Federation does this. Krola, fearing a hostile invasion by the Federation, endangers Riker's health by reviving him prematurely so he may be interrogated. He tries to frame Riker as a murderer by shooting himself with Riker's phaser. Meanwhile, Durken is made aware that Riker is in danger of dying and tells Picard where he is. The Enterprise crew bring both Riker and Krola back to the ship. They are able to save Riker's life, and discover that his phaser was only set to stun, so Krola was in no real danger.

 After Krola is returned to the planet, Durken regretfully tells Picard that he feels Malcor is not ready for first contact. He fears his people are not mature enough to handle the startling announcement that they are not alone in the universe. He requests that the Enterprise leave the planet, in hopes that they may be able to return at a later time. He agrees to delay Malcor's development of warp drive technology until its people are ready. With Mirasta's project postponed, she asks Picard if she can join his crew, and Picard agrees.

Review:

Apparently, this episode was only possible by breaking one of the ‘rules’ of Star Trek established by Roddenberry, namely that episodes always take place primarily from the point-of-view of the main cast. This time, however, the episode takes the point-of-view of the alien race who is being approached by the Federation as they reach the point of warp travel.  It’s a great episode, and not only because of the superb guest actors (including George Coe, who had a notable guest presence in The West Wing as Senator Howard Stackhouse, and Bebe Neuwirth who played Lilith in Cheers and Fraiser).  It’s also great because it’s the first look at not only how first contact missions actually happen, but the point-of-view of the aliens is probably not too dissimilar to how humanity would act right now if we were ever in that situation.

 The episode runs the gamut of possible reactions; the positive reaction of the forward-thinking scientist, the negative and regressive attitude of the xenophobic and paranoid security minister, the even-handed and considered approach of the head of state, and everything from general panic to alien kink among the general population.  Right down to the whole thing ending up being dismissed as a conspiracy theory while social reforms are brought in to try and enlighten the population, it all says ‘yes, this is just how humanity would react in that same situation’.

 For me, all that spoils this episode is that bit where the alien nurse seduces Riker and he agrees.  I mean come on Will; I know you’re the one member of the TNG crew who is frequently obligated to act like Kirk and have a woman-of-the-week moment every chance you get, but frankly I think it would have been more appropriate to go for a low phaser stun burst on her and the guard, then hop in the guard’s uniform and slip out.  Overall score here is about 8 out of 10.

[pikapeppa]

Sten/f!Mahariel: Fall Into The Tide, Chapter 2

In which Yara Mahariel is like “CREATORS I’M ON A BOAT” and Sten has all the chill. 

~4300 words; read on AO3 instead.

*******************

Yara hovered in the doorway of the guest cabin. It was a small cabin, just barely tall enough for Sten to stand up straight. The furnishings were sparse: a cedar chest for storage and a plain wooden stool, an equally plain tiny wooden table, and a bed. 

Just the one solitary bed. 

Yara eyed the bed with a nervous sort of writhing in her belly. It was a double bed: a reasonable enough size for a qunari of Sten’s breadth and height, though it probably wouldn’t be comfortable to share. 

Not that we’ll be sharing it, she thought hastily. There was no reason to share the bed, after all; it occupied most of the space in the cabin, but there was enough room on the floor to lay out a bedroll. 

“It is small, but we’ll make do,” Sten said from behind her.

She tore her eyes away from the bed and shifted aside so he could enter the cabin. “Of course,” she said. “It’s, um. At least it’s dry. Having a roof overhead will make for a nice change.” 

He nodded. He was critically inspecting the bed. “We will take turns sleeping in the bed,” he said. “I will sleep on the floor every other night.”

“What?” Yara said in surprise. “No, that’s not – you paid for the cabin, you should sleep in the bed! I’ll sleep on the floor.” 

He shook his head and continued to inspect the mattress. “We will take turns,” he repeated.

Yara tilted her head chidingly, but she didn’t bother arguing with him further. His offer wasn’t motivated by chivalry, she knew, but rather by his sense of what was equal and fair, and trying to argue with him would probably just turn into a discussion of the societal detriment of money as a means of exchanging goods and services. And as much as Yara would usually be game to engage Sten in such a discussion, she was feeling too nervous about their imminent departure to push it.

She shrugged and smiled. “All right, if you insist. I’ll sleep in the bed half the time. I’m not going to argue with you if it’s to my benefit.” 

“It may not be to your benefit if the mattress has bedbugs,” Sten said.

Yara took an involuntary step back. “Does it?” 

He glanced at her, and she relaxed and smiled. “Very funny, Sten.” 

His expression softened, and he turned away from the bed and nodded at the door. “Come. It’s best to start the journey above deck.” 

She followed him out of the cabin. The ship was a smaller craft, manned by about forty women and men from Rivain, and the deck was a bustle of activity as the barefoot sailors pulled on ropes and loosened the sails and prepared themselves to set out. Sten led her toward the left-hand side of the boat – or the port side, as she’d heard one sailor say – and they gazed quietly at the Denerim dockside as the sailors prepared to cast off. 

The docks were still bustling: merchants hawking wares and children playing and residents helping to tidy the debris. Yara watched it all for a moment, then looked up at Sten. “Have you been on many journeys on the sea?”

“Yes,” he said. “Primarily short journeys from Seheron to Par Vollen and back, but also to Tevinter. The journey to this country was the longest I have taken.” 

She nodded, then paused as she realized something. “That reminds me,” she said. “I forgot to ask how long this trip is.”

He gave her an odd look before replying. “It is a three-week journey with swift winds. Maybe longer if the weather is foul.”

She nodded, then raised an eyebrow at him. “Why are you looking at me like that?”

“You are unprepared for this journey,” he said.

She let out a little laugh and idly ruffled her hair. “I… yes, you’re right. I really didn’t think about this much.”

His frown deepened. “It is unlike you to act with so little preparation.”

She rolled her eyes playfully. “I know, I know, you thought I was overpreparing to meet the Archdemon. But it turned out for the best in the end, right? The dwarves in particular really came in handy against those ogres.”

Sten grunted noncommittally. “You should be prepared for what is to come. This is a small vessel. You will likely become seasick.” He fished around in his pocket and pulled out a small sachet that smelled of mint, then handed it to her. “Chew on this if you feel ill, and stand at the bow.” He pointed toward the front of the boat. “Keep an eye on the horizon. It will help your mind and body align, easing the illness that you will feel.”

She smiled up at him. “Are these qunari tips and tricks you’re sharing?”

He gave her a flat look. “This is common knowledge, kadan. It is in your interest to heed it.” 

She chuckled and carefully tucked the mint into her vest pocket. “I hear you loud and clear. Anything else you think I should know before we set out?”

Sten showed her the basic common areas of the ship, and Yara politely introduced herself to the captain and his officers. Upon discovering that she was not only a Grey Warden, but the Grey Warden who had landed the killing blow on the Archdemon, the sailors immediately began peppering her with questions about the Blight and being a Warden and what it was like to face the ancient tainted dragon. Yara tried to hide her weariness as she answered their questions – as much as she could answer their questions, at least, considering that all she knew of the Wardens was what little Alistair, Duncan, and Riordan had been able to tell her. She eventually managed to deflect the sailors’ questions by asking them questions in turn about their jobs, probing them about the places they had travelled and their lives on the sea, and when the topic of conversation turned away from her, she began to feel more at ease. 

Eventually the captain barked at the crew to take their positions and weigh anchor. As they drifted away from her to resume their posts, Yara let out a breath and looked up at Sten, who had been standing silently at her back throughout the conversation. 

He raised his eyebrows, and she smiled and gestured at the port taffrail. He nodded in return, and they drifted over to watch the Denerim docks as the ship began to move. 

The movement was slow and gradual at first as the ship slid out of its narrow berth. They swiftly picked up speed as they left the port, however, and by the time Yara realized how quickly this was all happening – how quickly she was being carried away from dry land, away from the only country she had ever known – Denerim was disappearing into the distance, disappearing with greater speed until she could no longer make out the individual people on the dock. 

She released a slow breath, then inhaled deeply and ran her slightly trembling hands through her hair. The wind smelled fresh and salty, and the ship was sliding smoothly through the deep turquoise depths of the Amaranthine Ocean, and…

Creators, she was on the ocean. She, Yara Mahariel, a Dalish elf who’d been conscripted to become a Grey Warden, was sailing across the Amaranthine Ocean to Par Vollen with her qunari friend. If she hadn’t lived through all the crazy events of this past year, it would seem utterly and entirely mad. 

Fen’ain romped up to her and barked, and she smiled and scratched the big mabari behind his ears. Then Sten spoke to her. “You look pale. Chew the mint if you are nauseated.” 

She glanced at him in surprise, then shook her head. “No, I – I feel fine. I actually… I was just thinking that the air smells good out here. Different.”

He nodded. “The smell of the sea. It is a comfort. Or it would be, if other smells weren’t so pungent.” He shot Fen’ain a pointed look.

Fen’ain cocked his head, and Yara smiled more widely. “You can give him a bath anytime, Sten,” she said playfully. 

“Perhaps I should,” Sten said.

Fen’ain tucked his tail between his legs and whined, and Sten frowned at him. “Cowardice does not suit you,” he said sternly. “Fortunately for you, water is a precious resource on a ship. We will have to suffer your stench for some time longer.”

Fen’ain wagged his tail. Sten shook his head in disappointment before walking away, and Yara watched in amusement as he disappeared into the crew and guest quarters. He emerged shortly after with a book in hand and went up to the forecastle deck, then settled himself on a bench with his book. 

Yara smiled to herself, then turned back to the ocean and inhaled the strange and foreign scent of the ocean. Denerim was already a fuzzy blur on the horizon, notable more thanks to its proximity to the lush verdancy of the Brecilian Forest, and when even the Forest became nothing more than a fuzzy and indistinct blur of green, she sighed.

She felt… odd. Melancholy but light at the same time. Her whole body felt looser than it had in ages, and the near-constant tension headache she’d been having for the past few months was blessedly gone, at least for now. And yet, she couldn’t really say that she was happy. Happier than she was before the Archdemon was dead, certainly, but not actually happy. 

She shouldn’t be expecting to suddenly be happy, though. It wasn’t like everything she’d been through over the past year had gone away. She was still a girl who’d been torn away from her clan against her will. She was still a girl whose best friend had been turned into darkspawn, and whom she’d been forced to kill. She was still a girl who’d been raised up from the comfortable obscurity of the forest into the so-called Hero of Ferelden, whether she wanted to be called a hero or not. 

She took a deep breath and raised her eyes to the cloudless sky. At least here on this ship, she was free from that unwanted title. The Rivaini sailors might find her fascinating, but she’d deflected their attention once already, and she could do it again. And Sten certainly wouldn’t be hero-worshipping her anytime soon, which was an enormous relief. 

She gazed silently at the seemingly endless ocean. The longer she stood there just gazing vacantly at the water, the more oddly tense she started to feel, and she wasn’t quite sure why. 

She sighed and looked over at the bench where Sten was sitting with his book. Then she and Fen’ain wandered up to the forecastle to join him. 

She took a seat on the bench and glanced at the open book in his lap, then double-taked. “Sten, what are you reading?” she demanded.

“A book that the healer mage gave to me,” he said. “It is called The Rose of Orlais.”

Yara gaped at him. “That’s – but that’s a romance novel! You’re reading a romance novel?”

“I am studying it,” he corrected. “The more I learn of your customs, the more complete my report to the Arishok will be. So far, what I have learned is that human customs of mating are inefficient and illogical.” He shot her a frank look. “But the customs of elves are also inefficient, if the assassin’s behaviour toward you was representative.”

Yara laughed.

He raised his eyebrows. “What amuses you?”

“You,” she said warmly. “Sten of the beresaad, studying an Orlesian romance novel.”

He scowled at her. “Do not call me a softie.”

She laughed again. “I wasn’t going to. I was just… wondering, I suppose. Are all qunari like you?”

“We all know our roles in the world and fulfill them for the benefit of all, if that’s what you mean,” he said dryly.

“I don’t really mean that,” she said. “I mean… well, for example, would your brothers in the beresaad study romance novels?”

Sten frowned. “They… did not have the capacity to do so,” he said slowly.

Yara raised her eyebrows. “What do you mean?”

“They could not read the common tongue,” he said. “They spoke it passably, but they could not read it.”

“Really?” Yara said in surprise. “You were the only one in your group who could read?”

“The only one who could read your language,” Sten said. “All imekari are equally taught to read in our language.”

“That’s… really nice, actually,” Yara admitted. She’d been shocked and dismayed to learn how many elves in the Denerim alienage didn’t know how to read.

Sten shot her a sideways look. “And that is another sign of the flaws in your society. How can you learn to think if you are not taught to read? If the tools of gaining wisdom are kept from you?”

She grimaced. “I suppose you have a point.”

He nodded, then returned his attention to the book, and Yara watched him fondly for a moment. Sten could rationalize his reading material all he wanted, but she somehow didn’t believe that his only motive was to study.

She shifted a little closer to him on the bench. “Will you read it to me?” she said, half-jokingly.

He shot her a suspicious look. “For what purpose?”

She shrugged. “Why not? I’m not doing anything else right now.”

He looked at her more fully, and her belly did a funny little jolt: he was studying her again in that penetrating way of his. 

“This bothers you,” he said.

She blinked. “What does?”

“Your inactivity,” he said. “Your lack of goal. This is bothersome to you.”

She faltered, thrown off by his change of topic. “I… I don’t know if I’d call it bothersome,” she hedged. “It’s a little strange, maybe. It’s been a while since I was able to just do nothing.”

He narrowed his eyes. “Is this not a goal in itself among your people? To be able to do nothing?”

She stared at him with growing bemusement. “Why would you think that?”

“Humans gather coin and use that coin to make others do their work for them,” he said. “They pay people in order to have more time to do nothing.”

Yara burst out a laugh. “You know what, that’s true. I guess you’re right. But it’s not like that among my people,” she said. “The Dalish don’t have servants. We all pitch in to benefit the clan. We’re like the qunari in that way.”

“And yet you chose your role,” he pointed out. “You chose to be a hunter, for example, and not a wrangler of those… those creatures with the elaborate horns.”

“The halla,” she said with a smile.

Sten nodded an acknowledgement. “You chose to become a hunter.”

“Yes,” she said slowly. “But my clan needed hunters. I was doing something that was needed.”

“But it was a role that you chose,” he said. 

Ah, she thought. Now she knew what his problem was: that she had chosen her own role, and not some supposedly better-informed group of people in authority. 

She tilted her head curiously. “Do you really think it was bad that I was a hunter just because I chose to be one instead of someone else choosing it for me?”

“It’s not a matter of good or bad,” Sten said. “It’s a matter of what is. You cannot choose what you are. The only choice is whether to comply with the nature of the world and your place in it. You understand who you are, or you defy your own nature. That is the only true choice.”

Yara gazed at him with a combination of fondness and exasperation. “But Sten, the Dalish don’t have tamassrans who tell us what to do.”

He leaned away and gave her an approving look. “You do understand the problem, then.”

Utterly nonplussed, Yara stared at him. Then she shook her head and chuckled. “Look, if you didn’t want to read to me, you could have just said so.”

Sten grunted. “I didn’t say I wouldn’t read to you. If you really wish to be treated like a particularly slow imekari, then I will treat you as one.”

She laughed. “You know what, I’ll bear that insult if it means you’ll read to me.”

He inspected her carefully. “Is this another attempt at flirting?”

She snorted another laugh, even as she could feel her cheeks going warm. “Maybe you should keep reading your romance novel and find out.”

Sten scowled. “I am not reading. I am studying.” He smoothed his palm over the page, and to Yara’s great delight, he began to read out loud. “Garren lifted his sculpted chin. ‘It is not a matter of if you will fall for me, my dear, but when. You will have only yourself to blame for the fall.’”

Yara smirked and crossed her legs comfortably on the bench, and for a peaceful time, she listened to Sten’s reading and scratched a very happy Fen’ain behind the ears. 

The afternoon wore on into the evening, and Yara accepted the captain’s invitation to join the crew during the evening meal. She played cards with some of the crew after dinner, and she quietly enjoyed the raucous banter of the sailors as they cursed and laughed at each other over their exchange of coin. But her attention kept drifting to Sten, who had taken his meal alone on the forecastle deck and remained there alone with only Fen’ain for company. 

Later that evening, she returned to sit with him once more while he was sharpening and polishing his sword. He glanced up and nodded when she approached but he didn’t speak, so Yara nodded silently in turn before sitting on the bench and crossing her legs. 

She gazed idly at the gradually darkening sky and breathed in the fresh and salty ocean air. Then, to her mild surprise, Sten broke the silence. “I did not think to ask before. Why did you decide to join me?”

Yara smiled wryly. Everyone else had asked her this, and she supposed it was only fair that the man she was following across the Amaranthine Ocean wanted to know why exactly she was doing it. But her answer for Sten was the same as the one she’d given to Alistair, Oghren and Zevran.

“I don’t know,” she said.

He studied her intently for a moment, then went back to polishing his blade. “This is unheard of, kadan. Qunari always know their purpose.”

“I know,” she said. “But I’m not qunari.”

“That is true,” he said.  He fell silent, and Yara waited for him to say something more. When he didn’t, she shifted a little closer to him.

“I’m surprised you don’t have more to say about it,” she said.

He glanced at her. “What more is there to say?”

“I don’t know,” she said. “Something about my purpose being to kill the archdemon, maybe?”

He frowned slightly. “That was not your purpose. That was your mission. You fulfilled your mission, but that is not the same as fulfilling your purpose.”

Yara tilted her head curiously. “What do you mean?” 

He lowered his blade to look at her. “I am the eyes and ears of the antaam,” he said. “That is my purpose. At this moment, I am carrying intelligence back to the Arishok, and that is my mission. What little intelligence that I was able to find, at least.”

Yara snorted. “That was needlessly rude.”

“And yet you laugh,” he said.

She grinned at him. “I didn’t say it wasn’t funny.”

“Hm,” he said, and Yara grinned at him more widely: there was a hint of a crinkle at the corners of his eyes. 

But his next words took the smile from her face. “You lack purpose, kadan. This does not surprise me. You are a Grey Warden, yet you know little of your own order. You do not know yourself, or what you are for. It was cruel of your people to leave you this way.”

She blinked at him, a little taken aback by the bluntness of his statement. “I don’t – I wouldn’t say it was cruel,” she said. “Duncan would definitely have told us more about the Wardens if he had survived the massacre at Ostagar.”

“Yet you entered into your order not knowing that it was a death sentence,” Sten said. “Not knowing that it would bring you restless dreams, or that it would render you sterile.”

Yara stopped breathing for a second. Sten didn’t mean to be cruel, she knew, but the truths he was reminding her of… those were cruel, and she didn’t want to think about it.

She dropped his gaze. “I… no, I guess not.” She shifted on the bench and wrapped her arms around her knees.

Apparently oblivious to her dismay, Sten was still talking. “The tamassrans see that all qunari know themselves,” he said. “I became a soldier of the antaam knowing that I would perish in battle someday. The fact that I have not yet means only that I have more years to devote to my purpose.”

“And you’re just… fine with that?” she said weakly.

“It is to be,” Sten said. “It is the way of things. It is not a matter of being ‘fine with it’. It simply is.”

Yara sighed heavily and rested her chin on her knees. “It must be nice to have all the answers,” she said softly.

“I don’t have all the answers,” he replied. “Only those that I need to fulfill my purpose.”

Yara nodded and swallowed the growing lump in her throat. Sten’s reminders about the most bitter parts of being a Warden were too close to home – too close to the bundle of pain she’d been pushing down since all of this had begun.

“I have upset you,” Sten said.

She looked up to find him still gazing carefully at her. She shook her head slightly. “No,” she said tentatively. “Not… not on purpose, at least. I…” She trailed off and pushed her fingers through her hair as she tried to collect her thoughts. “I just needed to… to think,” she said finally. “And to get away from being the Hero of Ferelden. I guess I was just… hoping to figure out what to do next. And you always know what you’re doing next, so I thought…” She shrugged helplessly. “I don’t know what I thought.”

He nodded. “I understand,” he said. “You are seeking your purpose. I respect this. It is simply pitiable that you must figure this out for yourself.”

She recoiled from him, feeling stung by his words. “You think I’m pitiable?”

“It doesn’t matter what I think,” he said calmly. “All bas are pitiable, because they do not know the Qun. They are not enlightened, and they do not know themselves. One day my people will return, and they will not longer be pitiable.”

“You didn’t answer my question,” Yara said in a hard tone. “And it matters to me what you think. Do you think I’m pitiable?”

He paused and gazed at her for a long moment: long enough that her irritation began to fade. “I do not think you are pitiable, kadan,” he said finally. “It would be easy to think you are running away. But I can see that you are seeking something to run toward.”

She let out a long sigh. “Thank you,” she said quietly.

He nodded and continued polishing his blade, and Yara watched him a little bit sadly. A minute later, he rose from the bench and sheathed the blade. “I will return in a moment,” he said, and he walked away. 

Yara idly petted Fen’ain as she waited for Sten to return. When he came back, he was carrying the cake she’d given him.

He sat on the bench and set the cake between them, then carefully unwrapped it and cut two pieces from it – one considerably smaller than the other. He pushed the smaller piece toward her, and she smiled at him. 

“You’re sharing after all?” she said.

He nodded. “I told you that I might.”

She chuckled and picked up her piece of cake. “You gave me the smaller piece, I see.”

“You are a smaller person,” he replied. “It is only fair.”

She chuckled, then took a bite of cake and chewed it experimentally. It was dense and moist from the applesauce, with just a hint of sour from the dried cranberries studded throughout, and Yara’s throat tightened at the familiar taste of home. 

“It is very good,” Sten said. “Thank you again, kadan.”

His stern face was relaxed. When Yara met his eye, the corner of his mouth turned up in the faintest smile. 

She smiled, then shyly dropped his gaze and tucked her hair over her ear. “Anytime, Sten.”

They sat together on the bow eating their cake and ignoring Fen’ain’s pleading stare. As the colourful canvas of sunset blended slowly into the dark and star-studded nighttime sky, Yara sat quietly next to Sten and listened to the hush of the ocean sluicing past the sides of the ship. 

She sighed and closed her eyes. Despite the constant movement of the ship and the gentle fingers of wind pulling at her hair, she felt very still.

With Sten’s steady presence at her side, Yara felt so very still.

[kazziesangel-moved]

Typical match, untypical post-match confessions

Summary: It was a typical match for Ashe with their best friend & crush. What wasn't typical about it though was what happened after the match

Word count: 1930

Genre: Slight angst with happy ending/hurt & comfort (to some extent)

Warning: (Probably) OOC characters

"Of course it’s this map. Can the hunters stop putting in complaints so we wouldn’t get stuck here..”

Hearing Luca quietly grumble on how he hated Lakeside, the map they were on for their match, Ashe put a hand on his shoulder. The two had queued up together to piss off the hunter like they normally do (and most of their matches were successful in that case) but Lakeside was the worst for pissing off the hunter due to the map’s size and they both knew that. Despite that, the well-known kiter still kept a smile on their face.

“Even if it’s this shitty map, we can still piss off the hunter. Just leave the kiting to me!”

“Yeah well, if you get chaired don’t come crying to me to save you” Although that would seem malicious to anyone else, Ashe could still see the slight smirk on his face indicating he was partly joking and they rolled their eyes before lightly nudging Luca’s side. 

“Oh I won’t-though we both know you’d save me anyways cause you love me.” Noticing Luca get a bit flustered, Ashe mimicked his smile half-heartedly and couldn’t help but let out a chuckle as said prisoner lightly shoved them, gesturing for them to go before getting to work decoding the cipher they were bantering near. 

All the kiting-loving survivor could do was laugh as they ran off to find the hunter. Decoding was never their speciality and they knew that (especially since they got chaired cause they fell asleep out of boredom while decoding the last match they tried to decode) but pissing off the hunter was something they could do all too well. 

Luckily for said kiter, it didn’t take too long to find the hunter. Hiding behind a rock near the hunter, they had a mischievous look in their eyes. The hunter this round? Luchino. Although he was hard to kite sometimes since he could always jump over the pallets, he was also the easiest to piss off much to the survivor’s amusement. 

Quietly tapping their belt and feeling the flare gun that they had gotten from a chest, the mischievous look in Ashe’s eyes only got bigger and they grabbed the gun, getting out of their hiding spot disappointed the hunter didn’t notice their right away. However they weren't too bothered since they knew exactly how to change that.

Pointing the gun at Luchino’s back, the kiter let out a loud enough laugh to get him to turn around and glare then immediately pulled the trigger, sending the flare charging right into Luchino’s face. Most would’ve ran away as soon as they flare-gunned the hunter but Ashe spent way too much time trying to find him to run away like that.

“Sup Luchibitch?” Hearing a growl out of the reptilian’s mouth, Ashe smirked and ran in the opposite direction. As they heard rapid footsteps behind them, they let out a cheerful laugh at how the match was now way more exciting as they vaulted over a few windows and pallets to get to their favorite kiting spot on the map. Normally the map they were on was shitty for kiting but Ashe knew exactly how to kite, or at least how to make the kiting entertaining. 

Hearing the sound of a finished cipher nearby as they managed to bait Luchino to the boat, they let out a quiet sigh in relief knowing they wouldn’t be leading him to anyone and quickly dodged an attack as they navigated up to the boat deck. Stopping right near the hole in the boat that led to the lower level, they stepped closer to it and said nothing, waiting for Luchino to strike.

Not to Ashe’s surprise, he took the bait and they backflipped down the hole they were near. Hearing the reptilian hunter swear above them, they ran out of the boat towards a nearby pallet and all they could do was smile, satisfied that the kiting session was being entertaining instead of a bore this time around.

Although they had heard a few ciphers pop already, Ashe grumbled as they really wished they knew how many were left. They spared a quick glance around, not surprised they were near the exit gate considering somehow their kites always led to being near one of the gates. What did surprise Ashe whatever is that they noticed Luchino was gone. Normally he chased the kiter the whole match whenever they pissed him off. 

The shock didn’t get to last long however when they heard a thud behind her and a mocking laugh. Quickly turning around, Ashe managed to dodge the knife that the hunter had with him. Backing away to prepare to run, their foot collided with something and they ended up tripping backwards, falling right over the pallet that was downed near them and twisting their ankle in the process.

Hearing the siren indicating the exit gate was active, Ashe didn’t even try to move as the hunter looked down on her with an agitated look in his eye and the knife spinning in his hand. Instead, all Ashe did was smirk up at him to piss him off more and they kept that smirk even when the hunter made his move to attack. 

However, Luchino didn’t get the chance to attack as he quickly got distracted by the sound of the exit gate he & the wounded survivor were near. Although the reptilian managed to quickly brush off the distraction, he froze as he felt like he was getting electrocuted as a jolt of electricity hit him. 

Knowing of only one survivor that could essentially electrocute people, Ashe smirked as the same survivor they were thinking of ran over from behind the hunter and picked the injured kiter up, running out of the gate. Although the survivor that had saved Ashe was amused at their ramblings on how the kiting went, he was also agitated for a reason only said survivor knew and he kept quiet until he & the injured survivor in his arms got back to the manor.  

~Time Skip~

“Alright so everything seems fine other than you need to take it easy and no matches for about a week” Ashe quietly grumbled at the thought of no matches for a week but they merely smiled and nodded and left the infirmary as soon as the doctor gave them the okay. They were used to injuries like this so that wasn’t their biggest concern. 

What they were concerned about was the survivor that had shut themselves in their room immediately after getting Ashe to the infirmary. Normally the two celebrated their post match victories so the former shutting themselves out was concerning even if they did know where said survivor was. 

Arriving at the door to one of the bedrooms in the manor, Ashe heard a loud noise that sounded like electricity. Not thinking much of it, they knocked-pausing for a second when they heard the noise abruptly stop.

“Hey Luca, can I come in?” They were about to knock again after no response when the door suddenly opened and although Ashe sent a light smile Luca’s way, they could tell he was off and seemingly way more tired than usual. 

Getting the signal that it was okay to go in, they walked in and closed the door behind him as Luca sat on the edge of his bed tinkering with something. They didn’t really know what to say so they quietly sat on the bed near him, being careful to not put too much weight on the ankle they sprained earlier. It was silent other than the noises coming from the invention Luca was working on but Ashe didn’t mind-it was a comfortable silence for them and they grew to love it. 

“Luca are you okay? Seriously. You hardly ever shut yourself out away from me. Whatever I did I’m sorry” 

“..You should be. I know I said to get something done but that didn’t mean kite the hunter where no one could find you then get injured and almost bleed out!” The worried tone in Luca’s voice as well as the sudden loudness surprised them but Ashe kept quiet and gently took the invention out of the prisoner’s hands and moved it aside so he wouldn’t accidentally break it as he ranted. 

At a loss for words for the 2nd time since entering the inventor’s bedroom, Ashe quietly reached over and gave Luca’s hand a gentle squeeze in hopes to calm him down. 

“I appreciate the worry but I get injured all the time kiting. It comes with the territory.. And besides, I kited him for 5 ciphers and we got the win so maybe it’s just me but i don’t see the issue.” Feeling Luca shaking, Ashe quickly started to realize that was the wrong thing to say and she braced for more of him being loud but that never happened.

“The win isn’t what’s important. I legitimately thought Luchino was going to actually kill you when I finally found you all the way across the map.” Noticing tears form in Luca’s eyes, Ashe squeezed his hand tighter. Seeing the tears definitely caught Ashe off guard but it hurt to see them at the same time. Their biggest concern though was comforting the prisoner in front of them who seemed to have no problems with the kiter’s attempts to comfort him. 

“Sorry I didn’t ping you or anything.. Even if I don’t understand why you’re worried about that-” Before they could continue, Luca’s eyes got a serious look to them which concerned Ashe but instead of yelling or doing anything similar, the prisoner merely gripped both of their shoulders making Ashe look him right in the eye

“I’m worried about stuff like that when it comes to you cause I love you dammit!” At the confession, time seemed to freeze as both Ashe and Luca were processing what the prisoner had just blurted out. After he realized what he said, Luca let go of Ashe’s shoulders and quickly grabbed the invention he was working on just so he’d have something to keep him from getting restless. 

Nervously toying with the invention, he ended up missing the smile that fell on Ashe’s face as they got closer to him, cupping his cheeks in their hands before giving them a quick peck on the lips. 

“I.. you just kissed me..Why?” Picking up on the confused look in Luca’s eyes, Ashe didn’t say anything and simply leaned in to give him another kiss, slightly tilting their head before their lips connected. Noticing Luca even more confused when they pulled away for the second time, their smile got bigger as they kissed his forehead. 

“I kissed you because I love you too” At Ashe’s confession, Luca grinned and tackle-hugged them, grinning even more when they hugged him tight and even started playing with his hair. The fact that they were now seemingly cuddling on his bed did fluster the prisoner a bit but at the moment he was too happy he had his feelings returned to care. He didn’t get flustered for long though since both either of them knew it, they were out like a light snuggled in each other’s embrace. 

[benmparks]

Shadow and Bone (Netflix) Review

Disclaimer: I started this post as a review for both Shadow and Bone the television show and Six of Crows the book, but as I say later on, the show review got much too long. Stay tuned next week for Six of Crows review, and maybe even a Crooked Kingdom review if I finish it before then.

When I asked what people wanted to see in this space, the most requested content was book reviews. Fun fact: I’ve been reading the same book for like two months. It is a long book, and not that easy to read. I still haven’t finished that book but I did finish another one which I will not be reviewing today because I feel the need to discuss the Netflix show Shadow and Bone first. (The book I finished is Six of Crows by Leigh Bardugo, but we’ll get to that next week. I promise.)

Shadow and Bone (Netflix)

A week and a half ago I decided to watch Shadow and Bone on a whim, it is not what I’d usually be interested in but I am very prone to peer pressure and everyone on my tumblr dashboard was watching it. I watched it all in two days while I neglected my novel revision because I was down in the dumps. Was it good? Sure. Did I like it? Less sure.

The show follows a large cast of characters surrounding a central plot of Alina, a regular everyday map maker, finding out she is some sort of saint that can reunite these two nations that have been separated by a large slice of darkness that is full of monsters. It’s a pretty standard YA fantasy plot, she gets sort of kidnapped by the general of one of the armies who sweet talks her into believing that he wants to get rid of the darkness together. (He doesn’t). She has a childhood best friend, Mal, who is obviously in love with her and does some crazy stuff to get back to her and it’s all very romantic.

I’m sure anyone who has read the books, or even watched the show, is pretty angry about that synopsis but you get it, right?

From what I understand as someone who has not read these books, the show combines the original plot of the book Shadow and Bone, the first book in the Grishaverse series by Leigh Bardugo, and a new plot following the characters from Six of Crows. The events of Six of Crows happen after the events of, I believe, all of the Shadow and Bone books, so their inclusion in this is entirely new. (I believe. I probably should have done some research but this is what I’ve gathered from Tumblr.)

This results in a show that jumps around A LOT, which could have been confusing but I think it kind of worked in a way. I think they gambled on quality by including the crows, but in the long run it worked and everyone who wanted the crows involved were happy. I have one, tiny, small, complaint about it though and that is the inclusion of the Nina and Matthius plotline.

Nina is introduced as a grisha (sort of like a wizard, if you’re not familiar) who is supposed to help the crows kidnap Alina (the main character, very important grisha), but she gets kidnapped by witch hunters. That is her only connection to the main plot until the end, the rest of her scenes chronicle her time with Matthius (one of the witch hunters who she saves and then they fall in love, it’s very romantic). These are scenes taken from flashbacks in Six of Crows, except portrayed in a much shorter amount of time IMO.

My problem with these scenes and this subplot is that it has absolutely nothing to do with the main plot at all. I understand why they included it, I’m sure the fans wanted it, but I guess I just think it should have been included as a flashback later on when the characters become more important. (Kind of like it is in the book.) I also have a problem with how it sort of felt like insta love between a “witch” and a “witch hunter”, a little problematic in my opinion, but that’s getting too into the details.

A couple other negative notes: I’ve been told that Alina wasn’t intended to be Asian (or shu, as referred to in the show), and that any of the seemingly random racism in the show was added in because she was in the show. Obviously, I loved that they made the choice to make the show more diverse than the book might have intended, but I felt like the racist remarks were unneeded. They added nothing to the plot ultimately, and felt out of place since the cast was so diverse.

I think it was clear the show was made for people who have read the books, and I personally think that should not have been the case. I wasn’t really well versed on the lore of the grishaverse, and this first season didn’t provide me with enough information in my opinion. A fantasy show should spend more time lore building, I did just sort of feel confused a lot of the time.

Believe it or not, I actually did like the show! Just not for the plot. What I did like about the show was all of the characters. I really liked Alina despite my usual predisposition to not like main characters, I thought her and Mal were really cute. I liked that the misunderstanding of their letters being intercepted was smoothed over quickly, and that Mal was so accepting of Alina’s newfound power. I liked how the show jumped between the crows and the main plot until the end when they finally overlapped, with the crows joining the fight against the general who was actually trying to grow the darkness (called the fold). I love a good branching story that joins at the end.

And ultimately, I love lovvved the crows. Their scenes were the best, and I think that is possibly because they weren’t coming from a book besides the Nina and Matthius scenes. Also because the characters themselves were the best.

As I mentioned earlier, the crows were trying to kidnap Alina for a job. They’re a part of a gang, or are going to be, I don’t remember whether they already are in the show, but they take a job to kidnap Alina that offers a crazy amount of money. I should probably explain who the crows are, Kaz (the leader of sort, dark brooding sort), Inej (Kaz’s right hand woman, the spy of the group), Jesper (gunslinger with jokes, I love him), and then also Nina and Matthius but they aren’t involved in this season.

Their scenes were like a heist show suddenly, and I thought their dynamic was incredibly entertaining. Kaz is like all emo and dark and evil, and Inej is soft, religious, and also sort of dark and against killing people but...... she does......... for Kaz, and then Jesper is like the mood maker. They have to pull all these crazy stunts including disguising as entertainers, Jesper hooks up with a stablehand at one point trying to procure a horse, Alina straight up just locks herself into their carriage. The hi jinks, the banter, the longing looks between Kaz and Inej! The absolutely subtle way they did the Kaz and Inej relationship, knowing that at the start of Six of Crows (years later) they're still just pretending to not be in love. Needless to say, I finished the show and felt like I absolutely HAD to read the Six of Crows duology.

Which I think I’ll write a review of in another post because this got way longer than I intended it to!

Thanks for reading, I’ll see you next week (probably) for a Six of Crows review.

[arisu-artnfics]

The rainbow after the rain

Summary: With everything going on in her life, ´The rainbow after the rain’, seems very fitting to describe Chloe´s situation. Beta by: @someone-but-still-noone​.

Also on: DA/FF/AO3/FB Original published date: February 14, 2020. Working with: @eastwesthomeisbest as part of the @thedeckerstarnetwork​ ValenTeam Celebration. Our prompts were sunset/sunrise and Lux/Lucifer’s home, hope you like it :D :D

Spanish version of this story.

Edits done by @eastwesthomeisbest​. Post here with permission. (https://eastwesthomeisbest.tumblr.com/post/190811503559/the-rainbow-after-the-rain - February 14, 2020).

It was two weeks since Lucifer returned from hell. Two weeks since he appeared on that beach again after closing the gates. Since he managed to get a taxi back to Lux, to the penthouse to be exact. Since he found his furniture covered in white sheets - even though the last time he was there, the place was a disaster - like so long ago. Since he took a shower, had a drink and drove to the detective’s home wondering all the 'what ifs'. Since the detective lunged herself into his arms unbelieving of who she was seeing on her doorstep. Since Maze and Trixie saw the whole scene. Since the little human joined her mum in the tight hug, while the demon stayed back and observed happily with a grin. Since Chloe actually thanked him for being back, just in time.

When Lucifer returned, he wasn’t sure what he was going to find. He didn’t have a working phone anymore, or car, or his so precious flask with any drink on it. He was glad that he was wearing clothes at least, although those weren’t the best, and he hated it. He wasn’t actually glad of anything except of being back. He decided to take a taxi, tell the driver via deal that he is paying after they arrive to Lux. He did as promised and fulfilled the deal as soon as he got a chance of opening his vault in his penthouse. When Lucifer arrived at the detective's, very nervous and completely unsure of himself - for the first time in his long life - he decided to knock on the door.

Chloe was about to leave again to go to the precinct, and she hated it. She hated the fact that this case was consuming her, that her demon friend was right, and she probably needed to hand it over to someone else. Mazikeen had even suggested that she should be the one tracking down these 'ready for torture' humans, as she had described them. She wanted to start punishing them for their crimes while they were still alive, even though she knew that her style of punishment wasn't allowed here on earth. These criminals could be added to the worst section down -that special place deep deep down in hell, where even Lucifer would've agreed to have them there. That’s what was happening when someone knocked on the door.

When Chloe opened the door, she couldn’t believe her eyes. For just a moment she felt like she was dreaming again, as she was just talking with a demon about him. After what felt like an eternity - at least for Chloe - she, seemingly without any control, lunged herself into his arms and hugged him like there was no tomorrow. It only took a couple of seconds for the little - or not that little anymore - human known as Beatrice to also join her mother and one of her favourite people on the plane, the devil, Lucifer Morningstar, in their hug.

It took a bit longer for Chloe and Lucifer to finally let go of one another and for Trixie to say ‘Good night, thank you for coming’; and for Maze to say ‘just go, they are expecting you, right?’ to have the devil listening to the detective explaining what was definitely the worst case so far that she had been given. After Chloe told him all the details of the case, Lucifer drove her back to the precinct. He said something along the lines of ‘the demons down there are going to have so much fun with these ones’ while flashing his red eyes. Red eyes that Chloe noticed, but that didn’t bother her.

They worked the case together of course. When they arrived at the precinct, Lucifer found it odd that it was very busy. It was pretty late already, which is why Maze offered to look after the little urchin of the detective. But then Lucifer considered the case that was just explained to him by Chloe, and he could see how and why everyone was still working. Dan and Ella were kind of happy to have him back, even though they were confused and a bit (or a lot, depending on who you were asking) mad as to why and when he disappeared. Now, with him being back so suddenly, it felt for them as if he had been brought back by a miracle yet again. Lucifer said that it wasn’t, at least not one that he knew of. He wasn’t sure if it was his father's doing in one way or another, although he doubted it.  

Chloe explained again that the evidences they collected so far weren't much. The criminals -definitely more than one- were killing in the most gruesome way possible while leaving almost no clue. The only clue that they have seemed to gather so far was that, the obviously dead bodies, or what was left of them, were burned after being murdered. The places where the crimes happened were so clean on terms of clues or evidence that one could almost believe there wasn’t any crime committed. 

It was a case that was starting to last very long. Lucifer was back from torturing dead souls, but he didn’t mind at all finding these ones, maybe finding out what they desire even more in the world and well, giving them what they deserve. The next two weeks were very intense. Those weeks went from having to keep looking at the massacres, because they couldn't be called a simple murder case anymore, to solving other cases. Other cases that may have been relevant, but not that much for anyone of the team. Mazikeen tried to help as much as possible, but sadly she wasn’t allowed to or allowed herself, as she should've been focusing on others cases, as the detective was also supposed to. The FBI was supposed to be the only ones working on that case.  

It was impossible for Chloe Decker to just let it go, though, and Lucifer Morningstar knew that too well. That’s why they still continued working on it, keeping a secret copy of the case file. Every time they could spare a minute, rather than enjoying themselves, they kept working on it. It was most certain that Chloe and Lucifer wouldn’t rest until those criminals died. They weren't supposed to die, but then they put the detective's life in danger, meaning a certain devil just had to show them what they would get for making such a foolish mistake. The scared-to-death criminals shot Lucifer, which forced the detective to make a lethal decision: she shot back without any regards. The criminals got hit pretty badly and died in the end. Nobody messed with the devil and his detective. 

Now, after all the tension was gone and the worst criminals that the detective Chloe Decker had ever encountered in her life have died and were therefore out of her life, she was feeling better. As the refrain says ‘the rainbow after the rain, joy will reveal itself after sorrow’ and that’s what Chloe was feeling. Even Lucifer approved of this forthcoming and couldn't complain about it.

Although everything had not been easy, Lucifer was back on the earthly plane of existence. Chloe was happier than ever, even though she got almost no sleep because of  that terrible case. Only after Lucifer came back, was it possible for Chloe to sleep again as much and as long as she should. No more nightmares for the detective on all the what ifs concerning those criminals, especially if they included her daughter, herself or both. Trixie was doing well in school, had accepted the truth about Lucifer and, of course, her best friend Maze. Lucifer learned about that just as he arrived back on the earthly plane and was asked by her if he was going to stay now or if he has to go back to hell. Lucifer surprised everyone by saying that all is sorted out so he is staying on earth. 

Linda and Amenadiel were also very happy that he was back, they were very glad to hear that Lucifer was finally getting the happiness he deserved. They heard the news by Maze. Maze found Eve again, and Eve also found her place on earth, feeling complete in her own words; that gave the demon so much hope, that she never thought was possible. A lot had happened since Lucifer said ‘Goodbye’ that night, but now he couldn’t be happier. He was officially dating Chloe. Something that, years ago, he wasn’t sure of even being reality or even a possibility. He knew that Chloe was his miracle, but that wasn't the only thing that she was. She was indeed very special, but she was his and more and that’s what really matters.

Now, with all the misery being lifted from solving that terrible and horrible case, ending with the criminals getting killed themselves. The detective and the devil were back at the penthouse, drinks in hands, happy to just be there and enjoy each others company. Her angel was sitting with her in one of his very comfy chairs outside on the balcony. They had a free day, after all it was the weekend; Dan had Trixie for the time being. Lucifer Morningstar and Chloe Decker had spend most of the day together, well, actually, all of it. They finally had that date - a very special one - that Lucifer (of course) had planned. He didn’t went with dinner and opera, he knew this time, that’s not something that Chloe would want to do, maybe another day, another time, but not now.

They had a special dinner cooked by him. They danced to 90’s jam music that Lucifer played on his grand speakers, and they even played their little perfect song together on the piano. Thinking about it, their joined day actually started very early in the morning when Lucifer went to pick the detective up and helped her cooked an omelet for breakfast. Then they went to the beach, and just walked there along the shore. The coastline was indeed beautiful, especially while driving in Lucifer’s car with the perfect view. After some time of walking, Chloe was the one to invite her angel to swim for a while, just something simple. He agreed with gusto, since he was prepared for it, which surprised Chloe greatly. They laughed while having fun on the beach, something that was very much appreciated by the both of them. 

Later on, they were back in his penthouse, which was no surprise, because Lucifer was in need of a change of clothes, of course. Chloe laughed and rolled her eyes at his incredible but unique behavior, which made her love him even more, if that was even possible. Chloe was prepared as well, she wanted to go and relax at the beach and considered the possibility of maybe going for a swim, so she brought extra clothes with her. In the penthouse they took turns showering, cleaning themselves up. Afterwards they relaxed with the piano and then danced to the music. Finally after eating dinner -that Lucifer cooked happily- they went to the balcony with drinks in their hands, which, obviously, Lucifer finished first but refilled it. It was getting late, they were getting tired, but the sunset was too beautiful to pass up. They did as any other couple would do, and sit together, cuddle, and admire the sun as it went down. Even though they were not like others, because they were none other than the devil and his precious miracle, or the detective and her angel.

The End :D :D

[arlingtonpark]

SNK 126 Review

TFW you know you’re going to die. 

Just…where to even start.

God damn this chapter.

Rushed. Rushed. Rushed. Rushed. Rushed. Everything about this chapter was rushed. I don’t know what Isayama’s final destination is, but he sure pulled out all the stops to get there as fast as possible. Every possible chance Isayama could cut a corner, he took it. In every possible way.

People are speculating that we’ll get flashbacks that’ll sooth the sting of this chapter. I doubt it.

Attack on Titan has been pretty flashback heavy this past arc, but that was an artistic decision that served the story.

There was a three year time skip and that time needed to be filled out. We jumped ahead three years and suddenly Eren is AWOL and working with Zeke.

Showing events unfolding on Paradis interspersed with flashbacks to key moments during the time skip was a storytelling device.

Firstly, it allowed Isayama to control how much we knew about our character’s motivations.

Stuff happened in those three years, and those events have shaped the character’s actions in the present. Through strategically placed flashbacks, Isayama was able to slowly reveal new, relevant information about everyone’s motivations.

Secondly, flashbacks also allowed Isayama to build suspense. Again, flashbacks are strategically placed to reveal only what’s relevant.

When it seemed Eren was working with Zeke, we only saw stuff that made it seem like he was working with Zeke. Now that we know Eren was always working against Zeke, we’re seeing stuff that more directly deals with his true motivations.

And finally, having flashbacks helped keep things interesting. There’s a lot of political maneuvering during the post-Marley Arc chapters, and while well told, it could easily have been boring. Cutting between past and present was a way to break up these sequences of people mostly just talking with each other with something most would find interesting.

Having flashbacks actively improved the story.

Now think about chapter 126. What purpose would flashbacks serve here?

The answer is none. No artistic purpose, anyway. There probably will be flashbacks, but that’d be damage control, not artistry.

My hunch is that the gaps in the story are more due to rushed pacing, or even worse, Isayama just not caring. I think this becomes clear when you look at the totality of…whatever this chapter is.

True, we don’t see when Hange and co. made contact with Armin and co. and when they hooked up with Jean and Mikasa.

And it’s true we also didn’t see important beats like why Annie decided to join up, or why Magath and Pieck joined, too.

But we also didn’t see a lot of smaller stuff that we, nevertheless, *should* have seen.

Falco said he heard Connie mention Ragako Village while they were camped out. That didn’t happen on screen, but Connie was shown talking out loud, briefly. We are apparently supposed to take it as a given he mentioned Ragako, too. At some point.

When Armin and Gabi confront Connie in Ragako, they ride in on horseback and stop when Connie threatens Falco. But towards the end of the scene, we see that Armin and Gabi are standing on the ground. At some prior point, they dismounted their horses off screen.

Falco loved his brother. Then Colt died and Falco had a role in that. He died in Falco’s transformation. Hugging him. Crying for him. Falco never knew before now. His brother was dead and he never even realized. Now he learns it.

Off. Fucking. Screen.

He’s crying with Gabi and at first it seemed he was just overwhelmed by what happened.

Then I saw his speech bubble.

Falco [sobbing]: Colt.

Are you fucking kidding me. 

Things reach peak IDGAF during Onyankopon’s execution scene. In one panel, Jean is standing to Onyankopon’s back right. Next panel, he’s teleported to the back left. Then Jean points his gun at Onyankopon, and he’s on the back right again! When Jean pulls the trigger, he’s back to being on the left.

I doubt there’ll be flashbacks to any of this shit. These moments were obviously skipped because Isayama dropped the ball.

Maybe the homebuilder will go back and add that much needed support beam, but considering they seemingly forgot to fireproof the chimney, they probably aren’t.

I call it the Principle of Brown M&Ms. Whenever Van Halen played a concert, they stipulated in their contract that their dressing room be furnished with a bowl of m&ms, no brown ones.

If there really was a bowl with no brown m&ms, they could be sure that venue management was diligent and on their game. If they cared to fulfill a small detail like that, they could be trusted to care about crew safety, etc.

Van Halen should trash Isayama’s house I will crowd fund the money.

I have little trust in Isayama to do this right. Looking at the totality of the chapter, it’s clear these are mistakes rather than decisions.

The through line of this chapter is suicide.

They’re all going to die. All of them. And they know it.

Just look at their faces in the final shot. Expressions range from stone-faced (Armin) to shitting the bed (Gabi). They all know this means death.

No one is doing this because they think they can win, except maybe Annie.

Connie’s logic was that he wanted to be a soldier his mom would be proud of. Fighting Eren is where this logic takes him. No plan for actually winning is brought up, he just decides fighting the good fight is what makes a mom proud.

Hange is doing this for the sake of not running away. They consider doing what Shadis rejected: living the rest of their days shitting on a mountain. The reason they’re not currently doing that is just what Levi said: they don’t stop.

Magath admitted last chapter that they couldn’t win, but that informing the world of the apocalypse was better than waiting to die. Fighting Eren against all hope isn’t far from that, so that’s probably their primary motivation as well.

I’m willing to bet Armin is similarly motivated. There’s a very revealing parallel between Armin and Connie in this chapter, though an underdeveloped one.

Connie wants to be a soldier his mom could be proud of. But, of course, Erwin is Armin’s idea of a soldier to be proud of. Erwin was charismatic, smart, and kept calm under fire.

Connie and Armin strive for essentially the same ideal. Being a good soldier. That means slightly different things to each of them, but broadly, it’s the same.

Mind you, Armin’s idea of Erwin is significantly more sanitized than the real Erwin was, but that’s not the point. For all his flaws, Erwin genuinely was someone to look up to. He showed true leadership, intelligence, and empathy. He was a good person all around.

Armin didn’t even want to think about fighting Eren; he had given up hope on that. Would Erwin have done that?

My guess is that Armin thinks taking down Eren is how he can truly become like Erwin Smith. Erwin never lost sight of the main objective, even if it meant long odds. Save humanity. That meant getting to that basement, so they went to that basement. 

Right now, saving humanity means stopping Eren.

Chances are slim, too, but that never stopped Erwin, either. Armin knows that. Once a goal was set on, Erwin never wavered. He pushed towards it. 

So you’ve got humanity’s fate on the line and an impossible obstacle to fight if victory is to achieved. Sounds like a classic survey corps mission. No wonder Armin is doing this.

Jean is doing this because of his conscious. Floch tempted him with a chance to peace out. Instead, he chose to peace out and kill Eren. 

He could have lived a quiet life. Not just a life he wanted before, but arguably the life he deserves after all the misery he’s endured. He said no.

He let Marco infect his brain and now he can’t not be good.

This is what happens when you huff ashes.

Levi is doing this because he made a promise to Erwin and he stands by that. Killing Zeke was the last order Erwin gave him. Levi promised he’d carry it out. If he fails, he fails Erwin. I don’t think Levi’s ever contemplated failing, but honestly, it’s hard to imagine he wouldn’t take that shame to his grave.

Gabi’s already resolved to fight Eren, so she’s just sticking to what she’s already planned.

No idea why Annie is doing this, so don’t ask. >.>

They’re doing this because they refuse to roll over. They can’t respect themselves if they do. Not Hange, not Connie, not Jean.

They can’t take pride in themselves otherwise.

So they’ll march to their deaths, and they don’t care if there’s no hope. They’re throwing their lives away, but they know it’s the right thing to do.

Unfortunately, most of this, admittedly pretty cool, character work happens off screen.

God damn this chapter.

So. Much. Of this chapter was mishandled.

Connie’s subplot resolution was the most blatant example.

I already mentioned Falco hearing stuff from Connie off screen. And Armin and Gabi dismounting their horses…at some point. The BS continues afterwards.

Armin pleads for Falco’s life, but Connie claims Armin is telling him to give up on his mom, and Armin is totally shut down by this.

LOL.

This is the exact same objection Connie raised the last time they spoke. What stopping Connie would mean for his mom was specifically on Armin’s mind when he set out with Gabi.

Like, Armin, bruh, you really had nothing to say to that?

He really, really didn’t think to come up with a response. Armin. The guy who tends to overthink things.

Fine, whatever. So Connie’s objection causes Armin to spiral into self-loathing despair.

The stakes are dizzyingly high.

A child taken hostage.

A deranged man threatens to kill him.

The boy’s girlfriend is there. She’s smart, but still just a kid. And she doesn’t know this man. She doesn’t know how to talk to him, she doesn’t understand his motives, she’s not very emotionally mature herself.

But she’s desperate. Desperate.

Armin is the only one who’s kept his head. It has to be him.

He needs to calm the madman down, convince him killing the kid isn’t the right way, and maybe assure him an alternative solution exists.

Erwin probably could’ve done it. He was charismatic, smart, and calm under fire.

Armin…was not that here. It was genuinely stupid of him to not have come prepared. Like, at even a basic level.

He failed.

So fuck it, at least if the mommy titan ate him, Falco will live, the mom will be back, and Gabi can have her boyfriend.

So Armin throws himself at the titan, and it was only happenstance that everything worked out.

That’s the logic of this scene, but it’s all muddled. The stupidity Armin displayed dampened the drama. 

The speed with which he falls into despair was unnatural. Armin’s badly insecure about living up to Erwin’s image, but it’s never been shown to be this bad.

There’s no believable progression to Armin’s feelings. He tried to be a hero, he face-planted, now he wants to die. They sort of skipped a couple of beats here.

Then Connie says maybe the stupidest thing he’s ever said in the manga: that inheriting the Colossal Titan would only have made his mom suffer.

???

So giving her the Colossal Titan would be bad, but not the Jaw?

I just assumed Connie thought turning his mom into a titan was worth it in the end. Did he just now realize how bad that would have been?

The series can’t just not address this. Connie named killing Falco and Armin as the bad things he did. Is he really not going to grapple with almost turning his mom into a titan, which he only implicitly admits was a bad thing?

Next scene is Louise and Mikasa.

Louise is a very devoted person. She cares deeply for Mikasa because Mikasa saved her life, and inspired her to devote her heart. She enlisted in the military, risked her life for her country, and now she’s on her deathbed, mortally wounded in battle. Not many people would speak ill of her like I would.

…

Is there anyone in this manga as pathetic as Louise?

Really, is there anyone?

Louise was saved from a titan by Mikasa. This inspired her to fight for her country.

Ok, that’s good.

She admires Mikasa and dreams of fighting by her side.

Yeah, that’s fine. We all wish we could hang with our heroes.

Then she took the scarf Mikasa threw away for herself. Because she thought it’d bring her closer to her.

Like how a stalker rifles through their victim’s trash for keepsakes.

That’s. pathetic.

It is pathetic how much Louise pines for Mikasa.

Compare Louise x Mikasa to Mikasa x Eren all you like, it’s not the same thing.

Mikasa and Eren were family. Their love is at minimum familial. Mikasa pines for Eren, which she very annoyingly never addressed, but there’s a sense to it.

When Mikasa lost her family, she was a helpless kid who had nothing. The Jeagers, and especially Eren, helped her rebuild her life. They took her into their home and accepted her as a family member.

The scarf matters, but only because it represents the humanity Mikasa was shown when she needed it most. She is endlessly grateful for that.

So of course she’d break the law for Eren, many family members would. Her willingness to do anything to save Eren bordered on derangement, but she’s gotten better at that. And she’s reevaluating her image of Eren in light of recent…happenings, which is good.

Louise is just a goddamn fangirl.

She doesn’t know Mikasa. She doesn’t pal around with her. She just stalks her like a creep.

Maybe they could have been friends. If Louise had just approached her, explained her story, and tried to befriend her, they could’ve become good friends. Certainly, Mikasa would have been flattered to see she inspired someone so much.

But that’s not what happened. Louise chose to be a stalker instead of a friend. I don’t think she was ever really interested in Mikasa as a person, though.

This is the likely last time she and Mikasa will interact, and Mikasa was so cold to her. Louise didn’t care. She got to fight alongside her hero for a time and that was enough. That’s so childish.

She looked up to Mikasa, but never seemed to want to befriend her. She just wanted to fight alongside her. I don’t think I’ll ever understand people like Louise.

If you respect someone so much, why wouldn’t you want to get to know them?

She said she’d die with no regrets because of this.

No regrets over never befriending her hero. No regrets over Floch, who lead her movement, putting people against the wall. No self-reflection. Nothing.

What a sad life to have lived.

She never questioned herself or what she felt. Just stunningly unself-aware.

…Maybe Daz would be more pathetic, but he’s more of a caricature of a pitiable person, so he doesn’t count.

Louise was a perfect fit for the Yeagerists. Louise, Floch, Eren. These people think with their hearts instead of their brains. They act on their feelings with no thought. It’s animalistic.

Eren loves his country, so now he’s off killing everyone else. Floch feels righteous indignation, so now he’s fucking over everyone who opposes him. Louise feels admiration for Mikasa, so now she’s dead.

Floch is holding his Trump rally, and declaring ultimate victory. i swear, Floch talks like a politician giving a stump speech. It’s the same prepared remarks with the same talking points over and over and over again.

“We are persecuted. All hail Eren the Liberator. He will set us free. Make me King of Ape Mountain.”

You can just tell Floch isn’t a very creative person. He’s repetitive as hell, a real one-man act. 

Then one of the dumbest moments in the chapter happens.

Mikasa is watching Floch’s speech for some reason. Then Some Guy approaches her, and casually asks if she wants to help lead Paradis.

Who is this guy?

Why is he asking her this?

Why is this guy pointing out Jean for no reason?

Clearly the point is to establish Mikasa’s stance on helping the Jeagerists, and to hint at Jean’s coming betrayal, but, jeeeeeez, was this badly telegraphed.

Isayama’s never been all that subtle, but this is just bad. It reads like the first draft of a story than a finished product. 

Next dumb scene.

Connie, Armin, and the kids are eating their way to Reiner, and they just bump into Annie, and even though she admits she’s committed awful crimes, Connie just starts paling around with her.

Huh?

His friends betraying him and killing other friends was, like, a thing with Connie. He had major beef with Eren for this exact reason. He specifically named Annie as an example of this.

Eren, Reiner, Bertolt, Annie. He trusted these people; they betrayed that trust and he was tired of it. Good people were killed by that betrayal. Including Sasha, whom he cared for more than anyone. 

Now it’s all good?

This is terrible character writing. Connie’s character was totally shat on by this chapter. 

I doubt we’ve seen the last of Hitch. That line about not finishing the pie alone is obvious set up for her searching Annie out and helping take down Eren.

Finishing off a pie is a group effort; the more the better. Also finishing off the zombie savior thing Eren’s become. That, too.

I’ve already talked about Jean, but wow, he’s such a good kid now.

The plan was for the Cart Titan to grab Yelena, Onyankopon, and Jean, and get out. They couldn’t have accounted for everything, though, like Floch happening to be in danger of being crushed as the Cart did her thing.

Floch and Jean do not get along. They’re enemies, politically and personally.

Jean still pushed him out of the way.

That was nice, but it was a critical blunder.

If Jean had held Floch close instead, they both would have been taken. Floch could have been their prisoner along with Yelena.

But, nope, Floch will continue to solidify his power and even if everyone survives, they won’t be able to oppose him.

The future looks super bleak no matter what happens. Eren will destroy the world and Floch will rule the Earth, or Eren will be stopped and the world will destroy Paradis in retaliation.

There is no way this is some gambit by Eren to unite the world. That makes no sense.

The world hates Eldians because they fear the Wall Titans will crush them.

The exact thing Eren’s doing now.

Eren will unite the world, but only in hatred of Eldians. If Eren is stopped, the world will be more committed to eliminating Paradis than ever before.

…Did the dialogue seem worse this time around?

“Titan doctor Hange.”

“We’ll listen before we shoot.”

“You just told me not to say a word, so I’ll show you with my actions.”

“Those burned bones would never forgive me.”

Who wrote that?

This chapter in general suffers from what you could call Season 3-itis. The anime adaptation of the Uprising Arc, in season 3, had a similar problem with rushing important moments. In season 3, part 1 important stuff happens and the characters engage with these events like real people. They react to what’s happening.

In the anime, stuff just happens. There are plot beats to get through, so the characters perform their beats and then it’s off to the next beat. The characters don’t react to what’s happening, they perform the story beat given to their character. It’s a robotic form of storytelling with no humanity behind it.

There is no gravitas.

So it is here. The fast pace of this chapter is unnatural. It breaks immersion and makes the story seem unrealistic.

This chapter was so inexplicable. Isayama just…stopped caring. Some other explanation would be nice, but in a vacuum, this is the likeliest one. He just stopped caring.

Never forget, this is Attack on Titan. A story about everything good in the world getting ruined. Up to and including the quality of the story itself.

So will they succeed?

Eren is apparently doing this to protect them, so if they just stood in a line in front of him, and dared him to kill them…

It might give him pause.

……They’re dead.

[theoi-crow]

I know you’ve gotten a bunch of these. But that post about the Gods and our potential. It hit me again. I’ve been really struggling with things and faith. Trying to unlearn things. Lots of guilt and shame. I admit I yelled and ran away. But it’s been a bit and I’ve come back. Hurting but it’s getting better. I cleansed my apartment and set up a protective barrier. And this time it felt like it worked. I felt and sensed a warmth and lightness. Peace.1/2

2/2 and I made an offering and an apology. It was on the 23rd. There’s worry that I pushed the Gods to far. Things changed after an all to real dream about an explosion. Thought it was real, woke me up. Maybe I’m fooling myself. But that post really helped. I can’t truly express how much you’ve helped me. So thank you.

----------------

Wow, this is amazing and also why I decided to make a blog.

There are so many people who have ideas about these "rules" they expect for themselves or others on "how to be a devotee", or how a devotee "should" act.

It sucks because the gods are SO FLEXIBLE.

And not just in modern times either. There is no official book or "Bible" on what is standard procedure on how to treat a god or how to worship one.

Even people who are reconstructionists are working with surviving information that mostly came from Athens. There are other locations but the bulk of our Ancient Greek information comes from Athens, which is one of many City-States.

Each city-State was different, had different traditions, preferred certain gods over others, etc. So to accommodate these devotees that were very different and had different needs, the gods became flexible which is why a god will have abilities that feel like they are coming from left field.

And if Ancient Greece wasn't enough, the gods had to become even more flexible in order to survive the christianization of Europe.

They knew their devotees would die if they were caught worshipping pagan gods so they accepted whatever the devotee could give, in the time that they could give it, because that was what was available.

Some devotees didn't have time to physically spend with their gods because they had to go to church and do all of these things to prove they were good Christians while still praying and holding their gods in their hearts.

That's because they would see their loved ones and neighbors get killed as punishment. An anxiety they passed down their lineage.

The Italian Renaissance was such a blessing for these devotees because now they could have a painting of Apollo or Aphrodite while claiming it was for the love of art.

But they had to be careful the paintings were not setup to look like altars because every home would be thoroughly investigated to make sure there were no traces of worshipping pagan gods.

Another problem with these expectations is the devotee's point of reference.

A LOT of devotees (not all) come from a Christian background. A background that has its own rules on how to worship a god and the punishment/guilt that comes with not doing it right.

A lot of the Christian religions have a shame method that is so psychologically embedded, it is akin to feeling ostracized. This is also where the rules on "HOW to worship a god", "what to do or not do" and how "you'll be spited and damned" for not following these rules.

Again, the gods saw that their followers HAD to get creative. They couldn't just worship them in temples that were no longer there. Or do it in the open because they would face death as a very real possibility.

The gods know society is still ruled by influential religions.

Look at stores that assume everyone is Christian during Christmas or how there are mandatory days off during Dec. 24th and 25th. How people still greet everyone with "Merry Christmas" but lose their minds when you reply with "Happy Holidays" or "Happy Yule." The "war on Christmas" segmants on TV. The Christmas episode/movie every network seems to have. It's everywhere.

The gods know we're expected to follow certain ways but that's why they are still so flexible.

They'd rather us take our time, take it slow, do our best than quit altogether.

A few years ago I quit working with gods. There were so many expectations and rules I had to follow as an apprentice to ex-Catholic witches who would shame me for not worshipping a god in certain ways. Then Aphrodite appeared.

I told her I was over working with gods because my depression and laundry list of mental diagnosis just zapped the energy I needed.

She told me to do what I could but to be respectful of my own limits.

Even though she suggested I also work with Apollo, It would be 3 years before I actually added Apollo to my practice. After that Apollo suggested Hermes and after a year or so, Hermes was also added.

Then Aphrodite suggested Ares. "No way!" Was my immediate reply.

Ares and I had history.

I grew up in an area where gang wars, kidnappings and killings were so rampant. I'm lucky to be alive but that's because I was 5 when Ares appeared and promised to protect me.

He trained me to look tough, defend myself and be cautious of the things around me by depending on reflective surfaces when I was walking, being aware of every exit at all times, etc.

I grew up thinking he was an imaginary friend.

But we had a falling out when I first started practicing Wicca (I'm not wiccan but it was the first thing I learned before dabbling in other forms of witchcraft.) Because wiccan books in the 90s were so anti-war, they said that no respectable witch would ever work with Ares, the god of war so I told him I never wanted to see him again.

I was 12. That was 15+ years ago.

I was afraid that he hated me, that he would yell at me for believing a book over him, when he had helped save my life on SO MANY occasions.

But when I finally agreed to it, I saw Ares and he smiled.

HE SMILED!!!!

Then I remembered every time I was afraid he was there making sure I was okay even though I had told him I never wanted to see him again. He was there when a man tried to get me in his car and his tire suddenly popped. When a guy pulled a knife on me but the police sirens freaked him out. And so many other seemingly miraculous close calls!

Ares had been all around me. I was so happy he had forgiven me that I cried.

And this is what I mean by limits.

Ares knew my limited 12 year old mind would be panicked at the thought that I was working with an "evil" god. He knew I would yell at him and tell him I never wanted to see him again so he didn't appear but he kept doing all these things to guarantee my safety.

He knew my limits so he worked around them.

I stopped working with Ares for 15+ years and he still forgave me.

Your gods KNOW.

They love you, every single part of you, including your limits.

I apologize for the length.

May your gods be clear about their love and patience for you.

[jinjojess]

DR Kirigiri Vol. 5 Summary Part VIII

Happy New Year everyone!

Let’s get back to that pesky Libra Academy case, shall we?

< LAST PART | NEXT PART >

Chapter 1 The Mania of Existence: Libra Girls’ Academy - Samidare Yui

For those of you reading these as I post them, here’s a quick reminder of the current stakes:

Kareobana Academy case: solved, Yadorigi last seen with Lico heading back to the others, current status unknown

Bar GOODBYE case: still unsolved, with Yaki dead

Museum of Medieval Western European Torture Devices case: Mizuiyama seems to have figured it out, but is alone after dark in the museum after having had a really eerie encounter with Lico

Twins Research Facility case: solved, though Kirigiri is currently unconscious and bound in the back of Tsutsumi’s car, ready to be used as a hostage to make Samidare let him go

Libra Girls’ Academy case: unsolved, though last time we left, Samidare had an epiphany about the trick involved

Obviously, when she announces this, Tsukiyo and Nazuna are pretty shocked and want to know what she means.

Samidare goes to the desk and starts to draw to show them, which is also helpfully supplied for the reader, since it’s kind of complicated to explain. I’ll just insert the diagram from the book, which is something I usually don’t do, but I think it’ll save us both a lot of headache. 

“Libra means ‘scales’, right? What I mean is that this entire building is one huge scale.”

Both Tsukiyo and Nazuna don’t really process that, so Samidare goes on to explain that the room they’re in right now is sitting on one side of the scale, while the other small room with the coffins is on the other side. The church is the fulcrum. The beam, rather than overhead, is actually under them.

Like so.

The way there can be two different rooms in seemingly one space is that one room is inside this “box” sitting on the scale dish, while the other room’s floor is the top of the “box”. Since each side of the scale has a long vertical tower wrapping around it, the casual observer wouldn’t see any difference in the box’s static walls vs the top of the box’s non-connected walls.

I told you it’s difficult to sort out verbally.

Anyway, this explains how the culprit was able to move around and confound them so easily: they used weight to change the rooms on either side of the scale to “disappear” and “remove” the body.

This chapter takes like a good ten pages going over the exact way this trick works, and other than a few pithy quips from Tsukiyo, you aren’t losing much, so here’s the tl;dr version:

Samidare and Black Cape start in the first room with Takezaki’s body. This room is on top of the box, because those three are heavier than Tsukiyo and Nazuna together, who are trapped in coffins on top of the opposite box.

Tsukiyo notes that of course this is the case.

The reason the two girls were confined to the coffins was to keep them within the little clearance gap at the top of the vertical shaft, and also to conceal the whole scales thing.

Samidare chases Black Cape across the beam of the scale.

Black Cape enters into the box on that side, meaning that now there’s three people’s weight to one dead body on the other side, so the culprit gets into an empty room to hide, that’s then pushed down the shaft and rendered inaccessible. 

The doors function like elevator doors and cannot be opened while the scale is in motion, so that’s why Samidare couldn’t get in right after Black Cape. 

When she entered into the room, it meant there were four people on one side of the scale and only a dead body on the other.

Ah, I know that you, eagle-eyed reader, are probably wondering how the scale didn’t even out while the three girls were searching the church. Shouldn’t the single culprit and the single dead body weigh about the same and reset the scale?

Well sure, it would, if the culprit hadn’t counted on that.

See, you need to remember that Tsukiyo and Nazuna were handcuffed at the hands and feet, and the key was around a statue of the Virgin Mary. A statue that Samidare refused to break to take the key and instead used a conveniently placed handtruck to carry it into the room with everyone else.

Yep. 

I’m impressed the culprit knew Samidare would be morally opposed to breaking a statue of the Virgin Mother--they really did their research.

So anyway, as you’d imagine, the Mary statue plus the culprit was enough to keep the box room with the corpse on top of it level with the hallway. Then the girls were tricked into trapping themselves by all going to see the body. (Which, again, was Naz’s suggestion.)

So yeah, here we are now.

The three girls are trapped, and the culprit is free.

That summed up everything that happened at Libra Girls’ Academy.

Was it possible to even make a building that worked like a scale? The Committee for the Salvation of Victims of Crime could probably do it. We were facing Shinsen Mikado and Ryuuzouji Gekka here. In fact, this is pretty much exactly what I’d expect from them.

“Wait, so the culprit gets to run away...and we’re just stuck here forever? That sucks! You solved the mystery and it didn’t get us anywhere!”

“Uh...right! Since we know there’s another room above us, couldn’t we break through the ceiling to escape?” I said, looking up at the ceiling.

It was over thirty meters high.

“It’s easy to say that, but how would we do it?”

“...Let’s try throwing a chair.”

((Ah yes, Samidare, take a page out of Nanamura’s book.))

I took the small chair beside the writing desk in my hands and tossed it above me. It clamored to the ground without even hitting the ceiling.

It would be really tough to throw something in the direct center of the ceiling. Besides, something as small as this chair probably would never reach it on its own.

“Looks like that won’t work.”

“Okay, how about this. Naz-chan, get on my shoulders.”

“Huh? Me?!”

“Yeah. Tsukiyo-chan’s got a lot of issues going on right now.”

“I appreciate your sympathy.”

I crouched down and Nazuna climbed up onto my shoulders. Careful to keep my balance and not drop her, I stood up.

“Woah, woah!” 

Nazuna seemed a little worried.

“Well?”

“I c-can’t reach it. Not at all.”

I wondered if maybe I could jump and reach that spot instead.

((YES! YES, PLOT-RELEVANT SAMIDARE JUMPS!!!))

I let Nazuna down, whose face looked like a little kid who’d just been lifted up for the first time. She mumbled “high, so high” to herself.

“Hey, what did you do to Naz? Her cheeks are on fire!”

“I don’t know. I didn’t do anything weird.”

“You’ve done nothing but weird stuff since you got here!”

“That’s not what we’re supposed to be worrying about now! Help me think of a way out.”

“I don’t think breaking through the ceiling is realistic,” Nazuna said, sitting flat on the floor. “It’s probably reinforced with concrete or thick beams. We’d need serious firepower if we wanted to break through it.”

“Yeah, guess you’re right…” I said, shoulders sagging.

“Ah, I just had a great idea,” Tsukiyo said, suddenly looking up. “What if all three of us jumped at the same time, and that made this side of the scale lighter so it would go up?”

“I mean sure, if we jumped it would be lighter while we were in the air, but I doubt the scale would move in the 0.1 seconds we were airborne.”

“Well we won’t know unless we try, right?”

“I mean I guess… Should we?”

“Nah, sounds like a pain,” Tsukiyo said, quickly abandoning her own plan and flopping onto the floor, going back to her withdrawn stage.

Nazuna sat beside her, her face twisted in thought about how to escape. It didn’t seem like she was having much luck.

I picked up the chair I’d thrown at the ceiling and sat in it.

I wanted to be out of here already.

I wanted to go home, to my dorm room.

I wanted to get back to my peaceful, normal life.

Normal, huh. 

I wondered if it would be possible to live a calm, normal life with Kirigiri without cases to solve. It was possible that even if we managed to establish some normalcy around us, she’d set off in search of her next case. 

Was there even anywhere for us to return home to?

“I’m hungry…” Tsukiyo said, starting once again to proclaim her desires to the room.

“I wonder what time it is…” Nazuna said, understandably losing steam herself.

“Don’t worry. My friends will definitely come save us. We all decided to check in by noon, so if they don’t hear from me, someone will come.”

“How many hours away is that?”

“Uh…”

“Don’t get my hopes up like this,” Tsukiyo said coldly, only her eyes pointed in my direction.

“Hey, by the way,” I said, hoping to change the topic. “Do you guys really not have any idea who the culprit could be? Even though we unraveled the trick, we still don’t know who the killer is. Do you guys know of anyone who might want Takezaki-san dead?”

“Obviously not! We were kidnapped by some weird pervert, weren’t we? It’s not like we’d hang out with anyone like that and not tell them to take a hike!” Tsukiyo said, starting to get upset.

“So you don’t know anything about Takezaki-san? No weird rumors or anything?”

“Weird rumors?”

“Ah,” Nazuna said. “Now that you mention it, I did hear something about her. That back in middle school, she drove one of her former friends to suicide…”

“The hell? I never heard that.”

“That’s because you don’t take any interest in our classmates, Tsukiyo-san…”

“Well duh, why would I? I only have eyes for you, Naz, hehe.”

“You really should expand your horizons, Tsukiyo-san.”

“What? You’re telling me that too, Naz? You sound just like my dad.”

“Hey, so, about Takezaki-san?”

“Well, I don’t have much interest in gossip myself, so I just passively listened, but apparently, Takezaki-san was being extorted for money by a classmate back in middle school. Then one day, the bully changed targets from her to some other girl, allegedly someone Takezaki-san was once close with. Rumor says that she paid 100,000 yen ($1000 roughly) for it. In reality, it was probably closer to the bully demanding 100,000 yen in order to focus on some other target, and she just complied. Eventually, the friend ended up killing herself.”

“That’s pretty tragic…”

“Seems like there was someone who wanted to make Takezaki-san out to be worse, so they exaggerated the rumor. Said things like Takezaki-san herself was the leader of the extortion group and such. There’s no way to tell what’s true and what isn’t.”

“Certainly seems sufficient as a motive,” I muttered to myself. “Perhaps it’s a school friend, or a relative… Can you think of anyone?”

“As I mentioned before, Takezaki-san and I weren’t exactly close…”

“Right… Oh wait, can you think of any Libras?”

“Libras? I don’t really remember other people’s zodiac signs.”

“Yeah, I guess not…”

“I know Naz’s zodiac sign. She’s a Leo! It’s the same sign as me. We match! Hehehe!”

It might have just been my imagination, but it seemed like Tsukiyo was starting to lose it. Maybe we’d been shut up in here for too long, and it was starting to take a mental toll.

That or she’s just threatened by your oblivious allure, Samidare.

This subplot is fantastic and I’m going to miss it when it’s over.

Soon after this conversation, everyone starts to feel weird, and the room begins to shake. They realize that the scale is moving, which is good in that it shows that they’re going to get out, but is bad, since the only one who knows how the scale works is the culprit. 

Samidare motions for Tsukiyo and Nazuna to move away from the door, and hoists the chair over her head to use as a weapon.

Then the door opens, and the person standing there is…

A man with the physique of a model, wearing an expensive suit and sunglasses.

“Ya-Yadorigi-san?” I said without thinking.

“Oh, Samidare-san,” he said back, as if we’d just bumped into each other on the street. “Good morning. Are you in the process of solving this case?”

“Huh? Uh, erm, I am, but…” What the heck was going on here? “What are you doing here, Yadorigi-san?”

“It’ll take a while to explain, so let’s chat over breakfast at a hotel or something. By the way, you aren’t hurt, are you? I know you must be exhausted.”

“I’m already tuckered out, for sure.”

“Those two behind you are connected to the case too?”

“Yeah.”

“Then have them join us for breakfast,” Yadorigi said with a smile.

Nazuna crept up behind me, whispering in my ear: “Is that man the Black Cape?”

“Huh, there’s no way…”

“You know each other?”

“We sure do, this is one of the other detectives in our group.”

“This is really strange, though. The only one who should know how to let us out is the culprit…”

“What? No!”

“Do you have something you need to discuss?” Yadorigi asked, offering an arm to escort us. “For now I think it’s best if we leave this room, no?”

“Oh right,” I said, then looked over my shoulder to whisper to the others. “We’ll be in trouble if we get trapped in here again, so let’s get out of here for now. Stay behind me.”

Nazuna and Tsukiyo nodded, and Yadorigi walked into the hallway.

The rest of us followed, finally taking a step off the dish of the scale. Despite that, I felt more confused than elated. Like there was something going on that was above my head.

((Hey, Samidare? I’m going to remind you that your Big Bad is a guy who can disguise himself real good.))

We followed down the hall, me carefully leaving thirty meters between us and Yadorigi. 

Finally, the hallway ended, and Yadorigi took a step into the church. He stopped and looked over his shoulder, waiting until we closed more of the distance between us before starting to walk again.

In the next moment, I saw a black shadow jump out from the left of my peripheral vision.

It was Black Cape.

I didn’t have time to yell out.

Black Cape brought the metal pipe down on Yadorigi’s head.

Fresh blood spurted everywhere.

I couldn’t even look away.

Yadorigi crumpled on the spot, falling to the ground as if dead.

I heard Tsukiyo and Nazuna scream behind me.

Black Cape’s hood was facing me.

I’ll never forgive you…

I’ll never forgive you!

Murderer!

“I’m Samidare Yui, the detective assigned to this case! You cannot hurt me!” I yelled at the top of my lungs. “If you’re going to hurt someone, you’ll have to go through me. If you’re ready to face the consequences of breaking the rules, then come at me!”

I took a step toward Black Cape, who responded by taking a step back.

We faced off in the silent church, the smell of blood growing ever thicker. 

Black Cape held up the bloody pipe in a defensive stance and began to retreat.

“Running away?”

As soon as I said it, Black Cape stopped.

They seemed unsure, as if they hadn’t considered that this would happen.

“From here I can reach you in two steps,” I said, pointing to my feet. “If you turn to run, I’ll catch you immediately. If you want to fight, I’ll face you. Don’t you get it? You’ve already lost. Give up, and put down the pipe.”

Without noticing, we’d moved to the area closest to the entrance. So they were planning on running way. 

The door was on the left of where I was standing, the area where I saw Black Cape jump out to attack Yadorigi. I could see that the boards sealing up the door had already been removed. It was possible to leave.

I turned my attention there. That was likely where the culprit would try to flee.

On the other hand, the hallway leading to the coffin room was right behind them. It was equally possible that they might try to make a break for it and hide in that room like before.

“I’ve already figured out your trick. There’s nowhere to run,” I said. “All that’s left is to unmask you and make you confess.”

Black Cape’s identity…

I looked over the person before me again. Though the cape helped hide it, they were extremely small. They had to be a woman, or a child.

Who the hell?

((Samdiare…))

I couldn’t imagine a mystery where the culprit was someone who’d never been introduced before, but...I couldn’t think of anyone who it could be. Plus, the Libra Girls’ Academy case had just started, and it was possible that there were more murders planned.

Black Cape’s hood hid most of their face, but I could see their mouth.

It was smiling.

I felt as though I’d seen it somewhere before.

Mocking me, trying to taunt me.

((Samidare, come on...))

As soon as I thought that, Black Cape turned to make a break for the hallway.

“Ah!”

I was too slow!

I sprung from the floor.

I wouldn’t let them escape…

Just as I thought that, the culprit tripped and fell spectacularly. From inside the hood, a pair of glasses flew across the floor.

Glasses?

Whatever, now was my chance.

This entire time, I’d been chasing after the back of his black caped culprit, and now I was going to tackle them like I’d wanted to since the start.

As I lunged, Black Cape rolled first onto their side, then their back.

Shit!

A trap?

The hood back, our eyes met.

Black Cape grabbed my sleeve with their left hand and pulled, pressing the gun-like thing in their right hand against the left side of my chest.

“Gotcha,” she said.

It was a voice I’d heard before.

It was a face I’d seen before.

“Do you know what this is? It’s a nail gun. If I pull the trigger, it’ll stake you through the heart and turn you into a voodoo doll.”

“Why would you…”

It was one of the detectives in our group, Mizuiyama Sachi.

Ha! You thought it was Lico! But no!

The curse of Jess starting to like a seemingly unimportant character and them ending up evil strikes again!

Though still, Shinsen can disguise himself as anyone, so maybe check on Yadorigi to make sure he’s dead? Something?

But anyway hell yeah! This is the kind of shit I’m here for!

< LAST PART | NEXT PART >

[60b3r]

Memes Kill Creativity?

Memes vs. Genes

In the 1976 book The Selfish Gene, Richard Dawkins coined the term 'meme' to describe something with symbolic meaning that spreads by imitation from person to person within a culture. This idea is an analogue to the nature of selfish gene, described similarly as a piece of genetic material possessing information required to be able to replicate themselves inside a living. The only key difference in both terms is that the gene is natural, while memes are artificial. The rest of memes' operating schemes completely mimic the genes perfectly. In our current timeline, memes as we know today are taking many forms: as image macros, short videos, and rick-rollicking music. Memes in imageboards and forums have been pushing internet porn traffic into a stalemate and putting our power grid into unnecessary burden. Of course, memes are not to be regretted, but otherwise need to be taken seriously, since they are able to put our current understanding of media industry and economic system into shame.

As with every other thing that have existed, memes are not exempt in its dualistic nature. If you ever venture to the depths of dark web, you may know that memes also took part in the infamous mimetic Tumblr-4chan War. Not only that, some memes are reportedly causing harm towards some users, even though it is often disguised or said to be a dank joke or mere sarcasm. Memes have seen its share of use in online bullying, mass shootings, and hate crimes, cowering behind the freedom of expression tag. Regardless, memes are also an extremely effective form of information transmission. Like all living systems with no set moral standards, memes do evolve and are subject to natural selection. Memes, like genes, actually work like a mindless machine. Again, this is eerily like the performance of DNA in living systems. The last thing we want from this thing is virulence.

Every day, something went viral on Twitter. Hashtags are flaring into the top trends, some videos are being watched billions of times, and another cat vs. cucumber pic garnered thousands of likes. Viral properties of a virus (duh) is defined as the capability to multiply quickly in relatively short amount of time. The term saw a huge increase in usage during the dawn of the internet age and the rise of computer malwares spread through unsecured ports of network protocol. This term is being applied to memes, as it is like a virus (which is a pure embodiment of a selfish gene). Now, a lot of people are utilizing memes to create art, because it enables them to cater the short-attention spans of current internet users. They create shorts, illustrations, inside jokes, and small comic strips. Some of you might not agree with me on this one, but stay with me now and I will explain to you why I would like to treat memes and art as a single unit of interest in this argument.

The dawn of meme-technology

Viral memes and their popularity are now often considered important in defining a time period in the internet culture. Now every netizen can somewhat distinguish the approximate age, sex, and political views of other users from the usage of rage comics, meme songs, and meme platforms they use. Intuitively we can make a generalized difference between the userbase of Reddit, 4chan, 9gag, Vine, and now Tiktok. Others, by the share of relatability with sub-genres of different areas of interest (film memes and game memes). Some others, even, in the perspectives of different social and economic class system (first world problems and third world success memes). Meme preferences to us netizens are ironically giving away our anonymous identity. Identity which the media companies are vying to get their hands on. That's where I would like to come into my opening argument: both memes and genes which originally possesses no intrinsic value, suddenly become a subject of value with technology.

How do we draw the logic, I say? The ones and zeros inside electrical systems are value-free, so does DNA in living cells. As we meddle ourselves with biotechnology to manipulate genetic material for profit, we also simmer ourselves in the computer sciences and tweak physical computation to perform better. We give value in the inanimate object by manipulating them. In our world, we often heard these expressions: that communication is key, sometimes silence is golden, and those who control the information wields the power. What’s these three statements have in common? Yes, information and expression. Memes are the simplest form of both. This is the beginning of the logic: memes are no longer in and on itself independent of external values. The infusion of utilitarian properties in memes as artificial constructs are seemingly inevitable, and for the better or worse shapes our current society.

We might have heard that somewhere somehow, the so called ‘global elites’ with their power and wealth are constantly controlling biotech research and information technology—or, in the contrary, they control these knowledge and resources to keep shovelling money and consolidate their power. Memes are one of their tools to ‘steer’ the world according to their 'progressive agenda', seemingly driving the world ‘forward’ towards innovation and openness. Nah, I am just joking. But, stay with me now. It is actually not them (the so-called global elites) who you should be worried about. It is us—you and I, ourselves—and our own way of unwittingly enjoying memes that are both toxic and fuelling the age-old capitalism. Funny, isn't it? We blame society, but we are society. But how are be becoming the culprits yet also be the prey at the same time?

Middle-class artists are hurt

Now, aggressive marketing tactics using memes are soaring. Media companies are no doubt cashing in the internet and viral memes to their own benefit. Streaming and cataloguing are putting up a good fight compared to their retail, classic ways of content delivery. This is quite true with the strategies of Spotify and YouTube, other media companies alike. They can secure rights to provide high-quality content from big time artists and filmmakers and target these works directly to the end consumer, effectively cutting the cost of distribution which usually goes to the several layers of distribution line like vinyl products, radio contracts, and Blu-ray DVDs. I believe this is good, since it is like an affirmative action for amateur artists to start a career in the art industry. Or is it? Does it really encourage small-time artists to begin? Yes. How about the middle-class artists? Not necessarily.

You might sometimes wonder, “how the hell did I get somewhere just by following the trending or hot section in the feed?”. This toxicity of memes often brings some bad things to our tables. Social media algorithms handle contents (like viral memes) by putting those with high views or likes to the front page, effectively ‘promoting’ the already popular post and creating a positive feedback cycle. By doing so, they could capitalize on ad profits on just few ‘quality’ contents over huge amounts of audience in a very short amount of time. The problem is most of the time, these ‘quality’ contents have no quality at all. They just happen to possess the correct formula to be viral, with the correct SEO keywords and click-bait titles with no real leverage in the art movement. This way, I often find both the talented and the lucky—of which the boundaries between them are always blurred—overshadow the aspiring ‘middle-class’ artists who work hard to perfect their craft.

If you are already a famous guitarist with large fanbase, lucky you, you are almost guaranteed to top the billboards. What, you have no skills? Post a video of you playing ‘air guitar’ and… affirmative actions to the rescue. Keep on riding the hype wave and suddenly you get to top trending with minimal effort, thanks to your weird haircut. Those haters will surely make a meme out of your silly haircut, not even your non-existent guitar skills. But still, hype is still a hype, and there’s no such thing as a bad publication. This also answers why simple account who reposts other people’s content could get much more followers than the hard-working creators. Not only being outperformed by the already famous artists taking social media by storm, now the ‘middle-class’ artists are also dealing with widespread content theft and repost accounts because of the unfair, bot grading system. It is unimaginable how many nobodies got the spotlight they don’t deserve just because they look or act stupid and the whole internet cheers around them. Remember, this is not always about the artist, but also the quality of the art itself. I believe a good art should be meaningful to the beholder.

Why capitalism kills creativity

The problem in current art industry is that we are feeling exhausted with the same, generic, and recycled stuff. We indeed already see there’s less discourse about art now. Sure, the problem lies not in the artist or medium, but is in the viewers—the consumer of the art form—and how the capitalist system reacts to it. The hyper efficient capitalist system doesn’t want to waste any more time and money trying to figure out what’s new or what’s next for you. What we love to see, what is familiar to us, the market delivers them. The rise of viral memes phenomenon in the social media pushes the market system to the point where they demand artists to create the same, redundant, easy art form. Listen to some of The Chainsmokers’ work and we'll see what music have become: the identical 4-chord progression, the same drop, the predictable riser, and the absence of meaningful lyrics. We sat down and watch over the same superhero movies trying hard to be the next Marvel blockbuster. The production companies are also happy not to pay writers extra to come up with new ideas and instead settle with borrowed old scripts from decades old TV drama. Disney's The Lion King and its heavy use of the earlier Japanese Kimba The White Lion storyline is one guilty example.

Despite it initially being an economic system and not a political ideology, it is untrue that many Marxist philosophers usher the suppression of art. While it is ironic that Stalinist policy intends to curb ‘counter-revolutionaries’—in this case his enemies—by limiting freedom of press and media; American propaganda added further so that it seems that the ideology is also limiting art and kill creativity. We all know the Red Scare in the U.S. during the Cold War saw a popular narrative of communism and socialism that is devoid of freedom of expression. This state propaganda then further become ‘dehumanization’ and make freedom of expression invalid under the guise of equality. Marx argue that total equality is not possible, and the uniqueness is being celebrated by having them doing what they do best and provide the best for their community. Thus, an individual's interests should be indistinguishable from the society's interest. Freedom is granted when the whole society is likely to benefit from an action. According to Mao in his Little Red Book, freedom of expression in art and literature, after all, is what initially drive the class consciousness. It is capitalism, not communism, that kills creativity.

If left unchecked, the threat of this feedback loop is going to cause a lack of diversity, resulting in stale content, less art critique, and overall decline in our artistic senses. Artists’ creativity that are supposedly protected by the free internet are destroyed within itself through the sheer overuse of viral memes. Capitalism has successfully turned the supposedly open, free-for-all, value-free platform that is the internet against the people into a media in which they are undeniably shaping new values on its own: the art culture that's not geared towards aesthetics and appreciation, but towards more views and personalized clicks. How social media and media industry caters to the demands of the consumer are, in Marx's own words, “digging its own grave”.

Spare nothing, not even the nostalgia

Well, people romanticize the oldies. The good old days, when everything is seen as better and easier. Look at the new art installations that uses the aesthetics of naughty 90s graphic design to become new, the posters released in this decade but with an art deco of the egregious 80s pop artist Andy Warhol, or the special agent-spy movies set frozen in the Nifty Fifties. Nostalgia offers us a way to escape from the hectic choices of our contemporary: different genres of music, dozens of movies to watch, and different fashion to consider. We choose to settle with our old habits, that we know just works. Remember how do we throw our money on sequels and reboots and remakes of old movies we used to watch during our younger days? We don’t even care about new releases at the cinema! Did you remember how Transformers 2 and their subsequent sequels perform at the box office at their opening week?

The huge sales of figurines and toys of Star Wars franchise—if we could scrutinize them enough—came from the old loyal fanbase of the late Lucasfilm series, not primarily from new viewers. Then suddenly, surprise-surprise. Our love for an old franchise deemed dead enough to be remembered and treasure soon must be destroyed to pave way for three new outrageous sequels (the ones with Kylo Ren and Snoke) by the grace of our beloved capitalism. Sadly, nothing is left untouched by the capitalism’s unforgiving corruption. Nostalgia has become a gimmick that makes people like some art more than they should, because it’s familiar. It is another way of squeezing your pocket dry.

Not that it is bad to make derivatives like covers or remixes, but the trade-offs are far too high. Consequentially, the number of original arts is now very little, because artists don’t bother making new stuff if they just aim for a quick buck. Most of the young adult novels are essentially the same lazy story progression with only different time setting and different character names. Most of them even have the same ending! No more a beautiful journey like the thrillers of Dan Brown or the epic adventures of Tolkien’s Lord of The Rings, which defines their respective times. Do we seriously want to consider Twilight and 50 Shades of Grey as a unique work? Isn’t the Hunger Games and the Maze Runner essentially the same?

If you play video games, you must have known that the trend always starts over. Game developers are making gazillions of sequels, and only a few of them that are actually good. Most are outright trash. Oh, wait, old video games like Homeworld are also getting remasters to cater the demand of nostalgic consumers. No new Command and Conquer release from EA Games? Re-release the 25 years old Red Alert because people will re-buy it! Profit!

15 June 2020 8.03 PM

[tekka-dan]

I was informed of some disturbing news today regarding my best favorite boy Sasuke Uchiha and what his ultimate outcome will be in Borutrash.

Tumblr deleted my first initial rant, so I had to sit down and write it again. Not to fret though, re-writing has given me some clarity and all of you are going to witness my first hand unresolved, but subsiding, rage with the way Borutrash has handled Sasuke Uchiha’s character.

For anyone that’s new to my blog, content, posts: I am heavily against Boruto [as a character, manga, story, concept, anime] so if you’re a fan person of this series and you don’t like disputes or negative opinions your cue to dip is here.

You’ve been warned. Moving on.

Starting off, those of us who remember Sasuke Uchiha from the older days of Naruto [part 1] can easily summarize his character in one word: avenger. As the storyline progressed Sasuke became more than a so-called avenger and he started to gain some heavy handed, much needed, development. If you can recall that much, you would also recall that Sasuke was the “oppositional” character in the earlier days of Naruto. Meaning, Sasuke was the character that didn’t abide by rules, he did whatever he needed to advance but it was for his own sake and decision. He joined the academy to avenge his clan and become stronger to defeat his brother. When he meets Orochimaru that opportunity [to become stronger] arose and he took the bait (eventually—lets forget the part where he was kidnapped against his will, tortured and then kidnapped again).

So with all of that being addressed for his character, Sasuke choosing to follow under Orichimaru’s footsteps, this made Sasuke enter the “antagonistic” role. The reason this role was important for Sasuke [as a character] is because we are given context for his motives outside of the sunshine protagonist. Sasuke knew what his goals and ambitions were from the very beginning and also from the beginning he was being overshadowed by a bumbling fool that couldn’t even throw out milk on time. Sasuke didn’t have time for that, so he fucking bounced like the cool kid he absolutely was. Being on the “dark side” gave depth to this shallow story because once Itachi Uchiha made his appearance, and his role in the black ops and being a double agent was revealed — suddenly this sunshine village with its sunshine protagonist isn’t all sunshine.

Sasuke leaving the village was the best thing he ever did in this series and he is one of the four main characters that had a vision that he never got to achieve and questions he never got answers to. When Sasuke left the village, we are only in the mindset of him as a person and what he’s trying to achieve. We aren’t in Konoha village where the Will of Fire exists, where “I don’t believe in letting comrades die” comes into play — no, fuck all of that, we are simply inside Sasuke Uchiha’s mind and all Sasuke Uchiha thinks about is murdering Itachi for killing his clan and wanting to understand why Itachi would murder his clan in the first place. These are concerns far more prevalent than doing stupid ninja tasks or whatever the fuck Konoha participated in since all they seem to do is evoke war, genocide and havoc. Nothing seemingly important happened in this village up until Sasuke departed and suddenly everyone gives a fuck about saving the last Uchiha.

I seriously wonder what the Third Hokage was thinking. He (and Danzō) coaxed an actual child/teenager (Itachi) to slaughter his own clan in order to silence their people and then they are surprised when the surviving member of that clan flees the village.

Like Konoha is full of fucking dumbasses I swear. So that’s why I’m glad Sasuke did leave and it was eventually at his own free will. That also ties into my next point.

Sasuke represented oppression. His entire clan represented oppression. Them standing up against the Konoha System represented oppression. And it isn’t enough that every single member of them dies, it’s last member flees the village, and he goes on to save the same village that oppressed him to then become fodder and succumbing to pointless death in the continuation series?

Let me repeat that: Sasuke represented oppression. Now they are silencing him - and everyone that came before or after him - forever. Eternity. They expect Sarada to carry on the Uchiha genes but we aren’t remembering that she’s only half. We are forgetting that she [somehow] learned about the massacre from books in a library. She hasn’t learned anything from Sasuke or Sakura themselves. Why is that? Because they are trying to silence it forever.

This entire series feels like some massive “fuck you” propaganda because it doesn’t sit well to me. The character that represented oppression, stands up against the system as the last remaining member who can do so, he’s beat down without given a single answer to the questions he poses and then he’s forced to atone for sins he didn’t commit / shouldn’t be apologizing for to then go on to have an offspring he wasn’t ready for to then be killed off?

Is it not enough to just admit you wanted Sasuke Uchiha around for shipping bait and to ensure his uchiha bloodline succeeds him? Because that’s what it is.

They don’t give a single shit about his character and if Naruto didn’t spend 400 of 500+ episodes chasing him to reiterate Sasukes importance than guess where Sasuke would’ve died?

The same place Itachi would have.

Sasuke Uchiha and Itachi Uchiha would’ve both fought to the death, not a single brother would’ve walked away from that. And you know what? This would’ve been an honor to him as a person and as a character. Because up until he faces Itachi his only goal was to defeat his brother and learn why he did what he did. Itachi told him (albeit on his death bed) but I assure you they would’ve wrapped Sasuke Uchiha’s character up then and there and let him perish along with Itachi.

But they didn’t. Why? Because they needed Naruto to beat him into submission. They needed Naruto to remind the audience why Sasuke was considered an antagonist and why leaving the village is forbidden. They needed Naruto to brag about becoming hokage to preach about saving everyone, except the “everyone” excludes every single slaughtered and slain / deceased member of the Uchiha Clan, you know, the only people that ever truly mattered to Sasuke. Nah but it’s alright, sunshine protagonist Naruto needs Sasuke around to remind Sasuke that “he knows how he feels” and “believing in his word can make everything better”.

What makes matters worse about them killing Sasuke who represented oppression after they killed and degraded his character is that other characters who opposed the system were killed off long before their characters could be succeeded or milked.

Example 1: Yahiko / Pein.

Everyone knows what became of Pein and everyone is aware of the Yahiko that existed before the Pein. Everyone knows that Yahiko was the Naruto of his village, wanting to make a difference and have the world be a better place. Except, when the poor young sap tried to achieve this goal, he was killed tragically during an incident that was incredible miscommunication. Dying at the hands of his friend is what was supposed to make that moment less painful but it only sparked the rage in what became the Pein we all knew that destroyed Konoha.

Pein / Yahiko was the embodiment of oppression.

Everyone knows how that played out, I don’t need to repeat the entire chapter and how the questions Pein asked Naruto were never answered, rather he was given a mediocre bullshit half ass speech that made him surrender and sacrifice himself.

Example 2: Neji Hyuuga

Before Naruto’s dreams were drilled over and over into our heads, there was Neji who represented oppression in a literal sense, preaching it to his cousin during their battle and then to Naruto during theirs.

When Neji was killed off, people were upset because his character died for nothing without atoning for a single damn thing. Neji was born a slave and died a slave and we are supposed to believe (and be happy) that during death he was free.

Is this what people expect for these characters? That only in death can they find peace, freedom or happiness? What a pathetic and crippling message that presents.

You see the picture I am painting here? It’s not looking too good, is it? There’s a fucking pattern to it, that’s why. The only difference with Sasuke Uchiha is that his bloodline was extinct so they needed someone to carry it on. Pein (who was Nagato) is an Uzumaki so his bloodline continued. Neji is a Hyuuga and his bloodline continued. Sasuke is the only one who hadn’t and they couldn’t do away with his character until they had a certain someone he could procreate with, regardless if they had a lick of chemistry.

I’m not saying you can’t kill off characters from stories, sometimes characters do need to die, eventually they will anyway. However there are better ways to kill your characters and writing stories that don’t disregard their pasts or completely ravage their futures.

Sasuke’s entire history is being erased and everyone else who represents the same thing were also erased.

When Hinata speaks about Neji (if she does?) does she talk about the hierarchy and what it did to him and his father to her kids? No, because they want to forget about it, they are ashamed of it so they hide these facts.

When Naruto speaks to Boruto (if he does?) does he mention Nagato or even Jiraiya? Does he talk about his former sensei enduring a war, taking on an orphaned group of three and then having to return to their village being slain? Does he talk about the brutal systems the other villages carry on? Again, no. Because these are things they are ashamed of, they want to never have be mentioned or brought up again.

Those who don’t know their history are bound to repeat it, as the old saying goes.

What makes this worse for Sasukes character after death is that his reunion with his “family” feels cheap and downplayed. The only character trait they knew how to write for his character is to be distant and/or absent. Because of that Sasuke never “grew” on Sarada. I think that’s unfair as fuck to do to him, they already robbed him of everything else and even prior to death he can’t just simply be a fucking father.

How goddamn sad is that?

I gritted my teeth at Sasukes end in Naruto 699 but hearing the news about the current predictions / fate of his character has left me with unresolved despise for this series all over again.

It’s not enough that they keep taking everything from him, now he gets to die the same way he feels: empty..

First they killed his dream, then they killed his spirit and now they are killing his character.

[nosferatyou]

New Tune: Chapter 5 (Jake Kiszka x Reader)

WC: 3.3k

Warnings: Cursing, mentions of emotional abuse, and some sick guitar solos.

Summary: Two guitarists meet at a Rock Festival, only having a week with each other before they have to return to their own lives. The bond they create is unfeigned and resolute.

“You have fun last night?”

“Huh?” I look up from my guitar to see Asa, sporting a confused look on my face.

He shook his head and laughed to himself, handing his phone to me.

“You must've really gone overboard last night if you don't remember this.”

Some random Greta Van Fleet fan account had posted a video of Jake and I from the night before. The both of us jumping off stage and into the pit, and pictures of us in the mosh.

“Scroll down, there's more.” Asa suggested, waving his hand towards his phone.

I guess all these accounts tagged the whole band to get our attention, and it definitely had mine. Multiple people had taken pictures and videos of us together, some accounts more… professional than others. Many were excited to see Jake with a girl, but all were mostly confused as to why he was moshing in the first place. It cracked me up honestly. I quickly sent some of the posts to myself before handing it back over to him.

“You think this will have any repercussions?” I asked, a worried look creeping over my face.

“I doubt it, at least not for us. We barely have the following that they have, even then our publicist is so used to the shit that you get into.”

“I guess so, I just hope it isn't a problem for him. Id feel awful it was.”

“Well you'll see him later right?” Asa asked. 

“Yeah, I’m sure we are just gonna laugh about it, but I honestly didn't think this would happen.”

“Y/N, everyone will have moved on by tomorrow morning, don't stress too much.

“I'll do my best.” I said meekly.

I don't even want to know if any of the articles have reached my boyfriend Sam. Knowing him he's already well aware, and seen all he can. I just don’t want to think about that right now, or any of this. The both of us should be able to have fun without it being blasted everywhere. 

I glanced over to my phone, which I haven't touched since yesterday, and god knows when the last time I actually charged it was.

 Asa noticed what I was looking and asked “Y/N when was the last time you checked your phone?” 

“During our last practice..” I said hanging my head in shame.

He nodded, staring at his coffee, seemingly lost in thought.

“If you ignore him now he's just going to get more upset.”

“Asa, you think I didn't know that?” I snapped, my voice raising.

I caught myself and took a deep breath “I’m sorry, it's just, my patience is wearing thin, I just need to get home.”

“I don't know why you're with him, Y/N. This is abuse and you know it!” He raised his voice, feelings he was holding in finally getting let out.

“He has never hit me and he never would.” I put my guitar next to me, it doesn't seem like I will be needing it anymore.

“You know that's not what I mean. The way he treats you? The possessiveness? None of it is okay. You just outright ignoring him because its too much to handle just shows me that deep down you agree. You ignore everything that's hurting you, I've known you long enough to realize that much.”

I just stayed quiet, my head hung low. Everyone knew the truth, everything he was saying was true. I always knew it. I just. He’s what I deserve, with the way I treat myself and the life I live. It's not something anyone can handle. I'm not going to find anyone else who can. So I'm okay with Sam. He's the best I will do. At least I think he is, but I don't want to put anyone else through having to love me.

“Y/N I care about you. We all do you know? You're family and to see you put up with everything he drags you through is just…” He stopped to think of his words. “You have such a big heart, he never will deserve you.”

And with that he got up and walked to the back of the bus, not before letting out a huff and running his hands through his hair.

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I had been a bit shaky all day. Everything Asa said was starting to get to me. His words creeping through my mind every other minute, and then it’s all i could think about. Along with the drama I caused with Jake and his community, but I have to put on a happy face for the boys and it's nothing a bit of liquid courage couldn't help. 

I knocked on their door three times then stepped back. Adjusting the guitar strapped to my back. All of their cheerful voices suddenly stopped before I heard someone loudly clamber their way towards the door. It swung open, almost slamming into the side of the bus. A very excited Sammy was behind it, a giant smile on his face.

“Y/N! You’re here! Come on in.”

 He squished against the wall to let me in and then closed the door behind me. I was greeted with the sight of all the boys at the wrong instruments. Jake on the drums, Josh with a guitar, and Danny playing the bass. Sam ran from behind me and grabbed the mic from the stand. 

“This ones for the ladies.” He said with a smooth voice, wiggling his eyebrows at me.

He counted off and they all started playing “When a man loves a woman.” Sam practically overpowered everyone else with his singing, which was arguably him just screaming the lyrics. The rest of them kept up though, which was unsurprising. Josh tripped up on his part a couple times, but for someone so new to the instrument he killed it. 

They all finished off the song by just wailing on their instruments, and of course, Sam just screaming into the mic. When all was quiet he asked into the mic,

“Well?”

“Fucking fantastic, all of you. I would have brought my trumpet if I knew you guys would be doing this!”

“You play trumpet?” Inquired Danny.

“Been playing for about 15 years. I started back in high school and just never stopped.” I explained while unpacking my guitar.

“Jake you couldn't have brought around a cooler person.” Said Sam, grabbing your case and tucking it away.

“You all are way to nice. But I at least brought my guitar, so let's get to jamming.”

***

“Did you attempt to learn all of our songs before coming?” asked josh, who seemed very impressed with my skills after playing through their set list.

“Found a couple tutorials, so kind of. I also am just a professional at jamming. Don’t forget that I’m also a musician.”

“Oh it's definitely not forgotten.”

Jake stepped into the conversation asking “Think she can handle Black Flag?” A suggestive look on his face.

Him and Josh made eye contact, both nodding and looking back over to me. Man, I hate the fucking twin talk.

“I think it's right up her alley.” Josh said looking back over to me before going back to his spot at the mic stand.

They all talked among themselves for a moment before getting set up again and back in their own spots. Sam sat on the couch, Danny in the back nearer to the bunks, Josh upfront, and Jake and I standing where the table was. The amps were everywhere and kind of evenly distributed. They luckily had an extra for me, and a couple of pedals that Jake wasn’t using. I mean it was just Comp and Reverb, but my guitar already had a funky tone to it.

Josh counted off and Jake went right into it. Tapping his strings faster and faster, Giving me a playful smile. When he got faster I mouthed “Show off.” He just smirked and went into a heavier riff. 

He started playing slower and once the rhythm section joined so did I. I could tell by their nods that they were planning to come in, so in tow I joined with them. Josh joined in with heavy and raspy vocals, with this being a much darker song. He nodded to me and put his pick in his mouth holding it there. Telling me this will be a softer portion. But that didn't last long, because Josh started screaming and Jake joined in with a heavy solo in his typical style. Keeping eye contact with me the whole time. He smirked at me and just kept playing, doing his back bends, wailing on his guitar in the upper register. I played rhythm just to amuse him during his solo, I saved my best for later. I noticed how quickly his hand went back to the position from before and  I joined him for the main riff. We all went back into that flow again through the next verses, and then Josh let out the same scream as before.

 I gave Jake a wink and then stole his solo from him. At first replicating what he did in the beginning of his. He laughed and shook his head, reacting to me showing off. After a bit I broke off into my own, a heavier tone than his. I stepped on the Comp and the delay pedals to add my own personal flair. I'd be kidding myself if I didn’t say I was showing off in that moment. I pulled out all my best guitar moves and licks. I kept with their flow of course, but I put more of a Eric Clapton meets David Gilmour. Bending the shit of of my strings, working up and down the blues scale. Using this moment to get out all of my frustrations and anger. I beat that guitar, wailing away, putting out everything I could. I did just as Jake did, keeping eye contact with him when I could, a smirk on my face. I was playing well, same as him even, but I wasn't going to beat him this way. I threw one more smirk his way and swung the guitar onto my shoulders in one confident swoop. Seamlessly playing with the guitar, tapping in the upper register of my guitar for a bit, then upon hearing Josh start joining in with vocals I swung it back down, and made eye contact with Jake again. He laughed with a smile on his face and we both joined in on the main riff. With the song coming to a close we all harmoniously closed out the song with a quieter tone. But of course not without Josh's expert screams and Danny beating those drums to death. 

 We all let out a huff and sat in silence for a moment. Sam broke the silence by saying

“Jesus Christ the two of you killed that. Jake, you shouldn’t be surprised if your spot in the band is stolen.”

Jake directed his attention back to me, a goofy smile on his face.

“I definitely wouldn't be. She lived up to her end of the bargain, that’s for sure.”

I was full of adrenaline, I felt the same way I did after every show with my own band. The smile on my face and my breathlessness made it clear. These boys gave a new challenge that no one else has provided. Especially Jake, throughout all of tonight we kept our eyes on each other. Only leaving to catch cues, but even then we both merely missed some, which didn't go unnoticed by the rest of the boys. 

His contact doesn't just happen when we are playing. Whenever we are together his attention is all on me. Especially when we are with the boys, hes quieter than when we are alone. He sits back and watches everything unfold. I’ve definitely noticed, but i'm unsure if he has.

I catch his eyes when he finishes his sentence, it gives off a look of intrigue more than anything else. 

Before I could get in my words josh Piped in,

“I don’t know what your talking about, Jake, but you are sure as hell right. She's absolutely fantastic.” His eyes dropped for a moment in shame. “And I admittedly have never heard any of your songs.”

“Well that has to change doesn’t it?” I said with a playful smirk.

I grabbed my phone and an aux plugged into one of the amps. Starting off with one of our earlier pieces, which was heavily blues inspired, but still kept our psychedelic style in it.

We all squeezed onto the small couch and just listened to the music. I was pretty nervous because I knew their musical domain more laid in folk than anything else. They all bobbed their heads along, and their concentrated looks on their faces made it impossible to determine what they were feeling. 

I stopped it after a couple of songs, and turned to face them.

“So? Are we god awful?” I asked.

“Honestly I love how you're truly mixing the new with the old. The organs and the guitar mixing together has a very Doors vibe. It's got something very unique to it all, Y/N. I love it.” Danny said, his focus drifting of to think of the right words. 

“I personally love the way your guitar is standing out. Its tonality is really something else, very you.” Jake reached over and squeezed my hand, and my cheeks burned red. It was like they had a mind of their own. I quickly turned to Sam who was sat next to me so maybe Jake wouldn't notice.

“Okay so.” He said with a very determined look on his face. “ Let's talk organ player, because I really like his whole thought process and-” He was cut off by the sound of my phone ringing over the speaker. Dread filled my whole body and I tensed up. All of the thoughts I had repressed during tonight came flooding back. Jake who still had my hand in his, took notice to that.

“Fuck I shouldn’t of brought that.” I said to myself.

“You gonna answer that?” Josh asked, a quizzical look on his face.

“I-”

“Y/N go answer it, You know you should. We will be here when you get back.” Jake said softly, he looked at me with compassionate eyes. He squeezed my hand one more time and let go. 

I let out a shaky breath and went to go pick it up. I unplugged it and walked off the bus to get some privacy.

The air that was normally dry and burning was now frigid compared to it. I shivered as I stepped off and hesitantly hit the answer button. 

Wow two phone calls in one week that's a new record.” Annoyance extremely visible in his voice.

“You only picked up because you know you're guilty.”

I pinched the bridge of my nose and let out a long sigh.

“ What am I guilty of Sam?” I paused and let out another huff. “I’m honestly confused.”

He spat out “ Your’e fucking sleeping with that jimmy page wannabe.” 

Anger bubbled in my gut. His constant accusations were starting to get on my last nerve.

“Sam are you fucking serious? Honestly I don't know why I put up with your shit.”

“You put up with my shit? Are you fucking serious Y/N?” I get ignored by you every damn day for 

God knows what reason.” He stopped for a moment. His angry tone switching to something more of condescending. 

“I think you owe me an apology if anything.” I could practically feel his judging eyes through the 

phone.

“ I mean you ignore me, sleep with other men, and leave me here to deal with all of it. Alone.” 

God at this point I’m starting to see what Asa is saying. Sams getting on my last nerve.

“I owe you nothing.” I said curtly.

He just laughed.

“Seriously, Sam. I owe you jack shit for all you've put me through.” 

“Ooh is Jimmy Page getting in your head about us? Giving you false confidence?” 

“I’m not fucking Jimmy Page!” I yelled a bit too loudly for how close quarters everything was. But my volume stayed there, if not increased.

“You see one article about me having actual fun and you’re getting so fucking jealous that you throw accusations around to rattle me up and ruin my good experiences at work? I worked so fucking hard to get here and you can’t handle me getting all this attention can you? You seriously can’t trust me can you? Fuck you, Sam.”

Rage boiled in my veins. I couldn't keep still in my spot, I was pacing rapidly back and forth, and my free hand was clamped so tight my nails broke skin.

Even if I wanted to do stuff with Jake I have enough decency to keep it in my pants. 

He stayed silent, his fragile ego probably breaking over the fact that I could finally stand up to him.

“ You really can’t handle your liquor or the truth can you?” He simply said.

That bastard. 

“Oh Fuck off you free loading bitch.”

I hung up and threw my phone to the ground in a plight of rage. 

I marched around in circles, whisper yelling curse words to myself to calm any anger I had. 

I don’t think I can take his abuse anymore, I just feel so stupid for even taking it in the first place. How the hell did I not see any of this? I'm an actual idiot for not seeing his bullshit. 

I took a final deep breath, picked up my phone, and marched onto the bus.

All the boys were standing in positions around the room that could only be described as “Act natural”. All of them gave me a nervous look when I re-entered. 

With gruff tone I said “Who wants to play an Im angry and want to let out steam song?”

All of them very quickly grabbed their instruments and got into position.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

After a very long (and loud) rendition of “Sweet Leaf” we all collapsed to the couch in exhaustion. Usually one song wouldn't have had any of us beat but prior we had been playing for at least three hours. They all put something into that last song, I obviously let out all my frustrations into that song, and I guess they had as well.

We sat in a peaceful silence for awhile until Josh finally spoke up 

“Well while you were… Out. We all finally discussed an idea pertaining to you and we came to a mutual agreement.”

I gave him an obvious look of confusion, and then looked over to Jake whose entire face was washed in excitement.

“Josh why does that sound like you’re about to murder me?”

He laughed and said “ No need to worry, darling! We were just wondering if you wanted to join us for our encore tomorrow? We all obviously play well together, and we’d love to have the honor of sharing the stage with you tomorrow.”

A huge smile broke out on my face, excitement now evident in me as well. 

“Fuck yeah I want to! What song were you thinking?”

“Well now that's up for discussion, but I have a couple ideas that I think will blow people out of the water.”

“I can’t wait. It'll be a fantastic way to end the week.” 

“The feelings mutual.”